#or it could be off one of the many fucked up dream camaros from ronan

[wherebeeslive]

So I know it doesn't come up again cause Maggie dropped this particular chekov gun but is the Camaro wheel they found in the lake a dream object Ronan accidentally dumped or???

Rereading raven boys cause what else am I gonna do and Gansey says that Adam is good at making things quiet after the lynch brawl at ninos I fear the Gansey Blue Adam throuple theory has legs

[naometry]

Ronan and his hero journey

Alternatively: if Gansey is the Arthurian knight in the shining armor type or hero Ronan is the tragic one.

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS FOR CALL DOWN THE HAWK

“Once the spear was uncovered, it wouldn't matter if the hero's truest love or family was in the room with him; the spear would kill them anyway. Killing was what it was good at, and so killing was what it did...The spear, Dad told me, was him...He told me to make sure Ronan was the name of the hero, and not the name of just another spear.” – The Raven King

As we all well know, Maggie’s books have a lot of mythology and history in them. Varying from Glendower, Gwenllian and Boudicca to some less obvious ones, like king Arthur and his knights, the holy grail, to Fionn Mac Cumhaill, Fintan mac Bochra and finally, the one that I would like to talk about, because this is the journey that Ronan mirrors.

Cu Chulainn.

Before we start, beware that this will be quite long and I’m going with The Raven Cycle and Dreamer Trilogy timeline, more or less.

Cu Chulainn is part of the Irish/Celt mythology in the Ulster cycle. Cu is a demigod, son of a mortal woman – Deichtine, the sister of Conchobar, the king of Ulster and one of the most important gods in the Irish mythology - Lugh. In a very very very short version – this is the most popular version, there are others –: Deichtine was missing for three years with fifty maidens with her. They were turned into murderous birds that devoured everything on sight, so Conchobar and his warriors hunted them but were hit by a snow storm. They found a house and asked for shelter. In this house there was a woman and a man. The man was Lugh and the woman Deichtine. Lugh fucked off as soon as the morning his, leaving Deichtine with a child to take care of. A very powerful child.

It all depends on the source you’re reading really, but the most common version (at least that I know of, please keep in mind that mythology has different interpretations/versions depending on the source material) is that Lugh wanted an avatar to bore his power on the mortal real. In certain ways, we can say that Cu Chulainn is, in fact, Lugh reborn. Here is a Wikipedia small passage of him: “Lugh is portrayed as a warrior, a king, a master craftsman and a savior. He is associated with skill and mastery in multiple disciplines, including the arts. He is also associated with oaths, truth and the law, and therefore with rightful kingship.”

Does this story sound familiar?

Be it as it may, Lugh won. He got what he wanted in the end, an avatar on earth that bore the same power he had and then he is gone. Which is exactly what happened with Ronan. Niall got his dreamer, Niall is gone. Ronan was left to whoever wanted him and had the patience to be there for him. Who turned out to be just like Cu in the myth: Cu had Deichtine, Conchobar and Deichtine new husband, just like the warriors that where with Conchobar in that day. Ronan had Aurora, Ronan had Declan, Ronan had Matthew and later on, the Gangsey.

Well, speeding up ahead:

Just like Ronan wasn’t born Greywaren, Cu Chulainn also wasn’t born Cu Chulainn. His actual name was Setanta. Cu Chulainn is actually a title-kind-of thing. Cu Chulainn does in fact mean “The Hound of Culann”. Almost like Ronan “Gansey’s dog” Lynch.

The name was given to him because, at six years old, Cu Chulainn – part of the boy-corps at the time and already better them they all together, thanks to Lugh’s heritage – was invited to a banquet at one of the most famous smiths at Ulster, Culann.

Conchobar, who was the one to invite Setanta, forgot he was coming. So, Culann ordered that the hound of the house - who he said had the strength of a hundred men - to be freed to patrol the outside. As Setanta arrives the hound attacks him. And the boy, at the tender age of six, kills the dog smashing his head into a rock after throwing a ball so hard into the dog’s mouth that he mortally wounded it. As gruesome as this one is, Ronan’s new name is considerably less bloody. He too could have the power to do miracles that comes from heritage.

After all, what is Cabeswater if not a miracle that gave Ronan his new name?

But this is not exactly how the name “Hound of Culann” is given. Do you know why is that?

Because Setanta promised to guard Culann’s propriety until they could get a new dog. And so he did.

Many thieves, one greywaren, right? Many guard dogs, only one worth of Culann’s hound title.

Life went on, Cu Chulainn keeps getting more and more impossible things done until the point that some people just… got quite enough of him.

The thing with Cu Chulainn is that even with all the demigod fuckery, there were still warriors that could match him, in one way or another. Just like there is more than one dreamer and they all excel at different things.

What made Cu special on itself is a different thing. Ríastrad – the battle frenzy berserker mode that had his body contort in unnatural shapes and distorting him to the point of being unrecognizable as a human. This alone doesn’t seem much but when you put it along a few lines in Call Down the Hawk that I found specially interesting, it can be something else.

“It was The Dark Lady, the painting that had taken them hours upon hours upon hours to copy for the Fairy Market, but with Hennessy’s face and throat and knuckle tattoos. A perfect and cunning forgery, as good as theirs. No. Better. Because it oozed with the same magnetic, otherworldly desire that the original had and that their copy had missed. This was not a real-world copy of a dream. This was a dream of a dream. Perfect. Beyond perfect.”

Now, I’m not sure if the wording here is intentional or not but it seems to me that it means to be taken as Ronan’s version of The Dark Lady is a better of version of Nialls.

And then:

“And how would you know? Did you see the painting he did? Out of his head? It took him no time at all, maybe even better than the original Dark Lady. He said he might be able to do something just for you. You didn’t even let him try.”

Ronan might very well be a better dreamer than Niall. Is a better dreamer than Hennesy until this point – this can change along the series, so I’m not putting my hand on the fire for it yet – and is also an arguably better dreamer than Kavinsky, if you take in consideration the amount of tries he needed to get the Mitsubishi vs amount of tries that we are shown that Ronan needs to get the Camaro as stated in The Dream Thieves:

“Yours. I practiced, man!” Kavinsky gestured broadly to the field of Mitsubishis. “You see all these losers? It took me months to get it right. Look at that bitch!”

Now, this doesn’t mean in any way that Kavinsky is a bad dreamer or inferior dreamer or anything like that. Kavinsky actually is possibly on par with Niall but sadly we won’t be able to measure if because they are both so very dead. Niall exceled at the originals, like Robobee, The Dark Lady and another myriad of dream objects we see him with at some point or another. Kavinsky exceled at copies. He prided himself as a forger, as it also said in The Dream Thieves. I would even go a little further, maybe, and say that they also have another point in common in their dreams – creating life. BUT Aurora is not a perfect copy of Mor O Corra (and I can’t even say if this is deliberate or not so let’s leave this one open) while Prokopenko, on the very little we saw of him on The Dream Thieves, seems perfectly human. He is K’s favorite forgery, after all.

The thing with Ronan is that he can do both /and/ more. The thing with Ronan is that he had Cabeswater and then Lindenmere.

Which, tied with K, are the next point here.

Now, going back to Cu Chulainn’s story, Cu fell in love with a woman called Emer. Emer’s father, Forgall, wasn’t very happy with the idea that they could come to marry and probably would if he didn’t do something. Which is, in fact, very fair because Cu isn’t exactly a nice guy. He killed quite a lot of people, he is cocky, he is young and he is arrogant because he knows he is gifted and nothing will stand in his way if he puts his mind into it. Forgall calls him “the madman from Emain Macha”.

It does sound kind of familiar, doesn’t it? Even if it’s in a less tragic/dramatical way. Cu is in a path that has absolutely no other outcoming than self-destruction if he goes on like this. Here is why:

Another nice or not so nice thing about Cu is that at seven, Cu overhears the magician Cathbad – it’s nice to notice that not all scholars seem to agree in the term magician, some use wizard too. The important fact is that he is a druid and he makes prophecies. He is also the guy who gave Setanta Cu Chulainn as a name/title thing.

Anyway, Cathbad makes a prophecy for his students: any warrior that decided to pick up arms and armature would have his name to transcend all other Ireland’s youths BUT this warrior would also die really young. Can you guess what Cu, at the peak of his seven years do right? He goes on to Conchobar and asks for arms and armor. Now, Cu at seven was already a fucking menace and no arms were match to his strength. So Conchobar goes ahead and gives his own arms to Cu.

You can probably guess what I’m equaling Conchobar’s arms with right? Yeah, you guessed it. This is Cabeswater. A very dangerous thing in the hands of a teenager.

Now, going back to Cathbad prophecy, we know that K and Ronan are mirrors yeah? And that Kavinsky is what would have happened to Ronan if he didn’t choose different yeah? (Also correct me if I’m mistaken but I think it’s also said somewhere that dreamers tend to die young.)

But Kavinsky is a lot more than Ronan 2.0, he just has the same formula of a teenage dreamer with lots of trauma. They are not even close to be the same person. So, I present you the idea of Ferdia.

As I said before, Forgall didn’t really want Cu to marry his daughter so he proposes a plan to Conchobar – why Cu Chulainn doesn’t go ahead and train with Scathach? He would come back stronger and better right?

This is the time where you’re very welcome to slap me for giving this much information in a back and forth way but please bear with me I’m trying very hard to it all understandable without seeming too crazy. Just crazy is actually ok, thanks.

Now, Scathach is also part of the Ulster Cycle just like Cu. Known as the shadow maid, she is a warrior who excels at martials arts and in the use of the lance. She is, in fact, one of the most fearsome warriors of the Ulster Cycle and known to be a really good teacher. Scathach lived in Dun Scaith which more or less translates as Fortress of the Shadows/Castle of the Shadows. For you to be taught by Scathach, the first trial was to get in her home and then survive her training. It wasn’t even remotely unheard-of people dying under her tutelage and this was Forgall’s hopes for Cu.

Now, here I think it’s one of the most interesting parts. Cu has A LOT of fuckery going on in Scathach’s training that doesn’t matter much on the meta so let’s get to the parts where K is:

Kavinsky kind of fills a double role here – he has a little of Scathach as in: just like Cu kicks out her metaphorical door and demands that she teach him. (Among other things, but those are not important and this is already LONG).

Which is what happened with K yeah? Ronan learned what he needed with him and then fucked right off to nicer places.

Another interesting bit is that at the time she was teaching Cu, Scathach, as the warrior she is, was at war with her twin sister, Aife. Fearing for Cu’s life in the war, she gave him a sleeping potion so he wouldn’t go around and get himself killed.

While K motives weren’t nearly as nice as Scathach this happened too. Kavinsky repeatedly puts Ronan to sleep in order to teach him how to properly dream. Even if his properly dream is Kavinsky style – which we learn latter that his not the best way to dream for Ronan but that’s not the point I’m going for.

Long story short, Cu wakes up, defeats Aife, makes a son on her (this will be important afterwards, I promise) and fucks off to keep learning with Scathach.

Fits of parts of what happened between them yeah?

So here comes the next role K fills and this one he fills fully and not just partially – Ferdia.

Ferdia was also under Scathach’s tutelage and was the best friend – also depending of the source lover too – and during to the circumstances of the war with queen Medb which again, are not important here – he ends up battling against Ferdia. For better or worse, they were there for each other for quite a long time and loved each other a lot, until Ferdia’s and Cu’s circumstances and choices differed and they end up in different sides of battle.

Now, they battled for three days, until Ferdia got the upper hand, even with Cu Chulainn in his battle frenzy monstruous state. Ferdia had the advantage of an armor that was impossible to pierce so he called for Gae Bolg (which we will, again, talk later about) and as Ferdia heard of it, he made a mistake – leaving his chest open. Cu throws a spear at him which makes him distracted and then impales him with Gae Bolg,

While the situation is not exactly the same, Ronan and Kavinsky had a battle that was a lot like that. Kavinsky had Matthew, who Ronan loves more them himself and they battle for the right of it. Until Kavinsky gets tired. Until Kavinsky let things get out of control and commits suicide. As in:

“A second later, the fire dragon exploded into Kavinsky. It went straight through him, around him, flame around an object. Kavinsky fell.”

Again, I think Cu and Ronan are mirrors, so they don’t follow the exact same path neither the exact same formula. But I still think this is the right path to think about his journey.

Then we get to the demon, to being unmade, to Matthew, to Lindenmere and how both Ronan and Cu Chulainn hold the war for enough time until the enemy can be defeated.

This piece of Cu’s story happens both before and after Ferdia’s battle so please bear with my lengthy explanations.

First of all: the demon and how it ties to being unmade, to Matthew and the similarities is bores with the ríastrad. When the war with Medb started, the Ulster warriors were cursed – for the lack of a better word – and they couldn’t fight.

So, Cu Chulainn fights for them. During months he invoked the right of single combat with Medb’s warriors. Which is basically what he does with the demon during quite some time. And in the process he ends up being unmade. Now, the process of being unmade is described to being gruesome and violent into Ronan’s body.

He is dying after all.  

And it all happens because he is special. To Ronan, it happens because he is very deeply tied to Cabeswater, he made it, he is the first one that needs to go if the demon wants to win the war. Which is basically what happens to Cu too. Medb’s warriors tried every dirty trick in the book to take Cu out and he fought until he couldn’t to hold them.

Ronan (and Adam, but this meta is about Ronan) hold him down until they all can come up with a solution, until their win is possible. (The nightwash is a similar thing to being unmade, which also, again, happens because Ronan is Ronan, because Ronan is a dreamer, because Ronan has a big gift, sometimes too big for him.)

He is special, his gift is special, they both can do it.

So they did.

Which leads to Matthew and Conla, Cu’s son. While Ronan didn’t really meant to dream up Matthew and Cu for sure did meant for Aife to become pregnant with his son, the similarities are quite lengthy.

Cu Chulainn killed his own son and it was his fault. There is no way around it. He himself made Aife promise that Conla wouldn’t identify himself, that he wouldn’t deny any battle and that Conla would search for him. Conla did search for Cu and in a truth “the apple doesn’t fall far from the three” fashion he goes around wreaking havoc exactly like young Cu did, until Cu himself comes to battle him. As he couldn’t refuse any duel, Conla and Cu battled until Cu killed him with Gae Bolg,

Ronan, during a very long time, also didn’t know Matthew was his dream. They were brothers, how could Matthew be a dream? But Matthew is and Ronan almost kill him too in his battle with the demon. And now in Call Down the Hawk we see Ronan, once again, for some reason or another, is influencing his dreams. They all search for the riverside yeah?

Do you all know what else had a deep connection with rivers?

Gae Bolg.

How Gae Bolg is used depends a lot of your source material but the most widely known version is that Gae Bolg is a spear made from the bones of a sea monster. It’s a spear that divides itself in thirty barbs and it’s thrown with a foot. It’s a terrifying weapon that if it strikes you, there is no chance of getting out alive. But it has a condition: it can only be used in streams. Now, if Cabeswater was the first weapons Cu Chulainn used as a young boy, Lindenmere is Gae Bolg. Lindenmere is dangerous, it’s wild and it’s unpredictable.

Just like Gae Bolg, there is little chance of you scaping alive if it strikes.

As Ronan himself put:

“I let Lindenmere be more of itself, whatever it was in that other place.”

“And what it is over there is dangerous.”

“Dangerous things can protect themselves,” Ronan said.

Now if Ronan and being unmade and unmaking Matthew where tied to the first weapons Cu wielded, doesn’t seem too farfetched to say that Lindenmere and the riverside problem with the dream things is connected yeah?

Another similarity is the geasa. But this one is already on CDTH:

Even the most invincible heroes could be trapped by conflicting geasa. The mighty Hound of Ulster, one of the boys’ favorite heroes, had a geis to never eat dog (“Shame,” Niall said, “it’s very tasty.”) and a geis to never refuse hospitality, and so when he was offered dog meat by a host, what other choice had he but to spiral into tragedy?

One of Ronan geis is that he can’t stop dreaming. And what is the other? Adam? Declan? Matthew? Geasa means taboo, so what is that Ronan needs to do? Or can’t do? I’m dying to know.

Also you all want to know another funny thing? Cu Chulainn was so ferocious in battle that absolutely no one dared to go ahead and verify is he was really dead. Do you all know how they knew?

Because a raven sat on his shoulder and drank his blood 😊

   Please take this meta with a grain of salt, because this is my own interpretation of the story, of Ronan’s journey and my own studies in mythology in general. It’s totally possible I’m reaching a little bit too far too but who knows, right?

Also, I have absolutely no idea of why I wrote this or where I wanted to go with it. I just think the parallels are quite neat, if they are indeed true to Maggie’s (quite numerous, that’s what tipped me off) discreet mentions of Cu Chulainn along her books.

So yeah, hit me up if you wanna talk or something?

[sophygurl]

Here is my list of unresolved questions/mysteries in The Raven Cycle, in no particular order:

What was produced at Monmouth Manufacturing?

Was Ashley spying in the Gangesy’s quest? If so, does she have a connection to one of the magical artifact hunters? If not, did she know about Declan’s magical dealings? She seemed smarter than she was letting on...

Why did Artemus disappear when Blue was born? Was he with the unmaker that whole time?

What is the joke that Ronan wrote on the rock in Cabeswater to signify to himself that it was him that wrote it? Also what was his joke that he made on the board in Latin class? Same joke??

Do the tree-lights in Cabeswater know that Blue is Artemus’s daughter? They only mention that they recognize her for being the psychic’s daughter, so do they know that she’s half-tree-light? Did any of them live through the unmaker’s slaughter? Does Blue have any other tree-light relatives in the world anywhere?

Blue and Gansey find Noah’s body somewhere that’s not directly on the ley line and nowhere near his Mustang, so did Whelk move the body? 

Why did Gansey’s mom think he wanted the Camaro?

Is the dreamer/greywarren stuff always genetic? Was one of Niall’s parents a dreamer?The Gray Man makes a comment about Niall also asking if he killed his father - what does this mean?? Was his father also a dreamer that was murdered for his power? What about Kavinsky? Were one of his parents dreamers? Another theory: Niall’s stories about when he and Ronan were born involve earthquakes. Do earthquakes happening on a ley line when someone is born cause them to be a dreamer, or does a dreamer being born cause an earthquake on a ley line? Cabeswater says “many thieves, one greywarren” - so only Ronan is a greywarren? Did Niall treat things the same way Kavinsky did, by stealing instead of creating and asking? How many other dream thieves are there out there?? Did Niall also use Cabeswater or did he have his own dream forest or did he not need one? When exactly did Ronan dream Cabeswater and what was it before he gave it shape and where were all the tree-lights when it wasn’t ... what it was?

What exactly is the reason Niall decided not to let his sons on the Barns after he died, until Ronan could figure out how to fudge the will? Why were Ronan’s powers treated as such a freaking mystery? Why wouldn’t he have trained his son in how to control and utilize that power, explain to him how it worked - instead of just telling him to never talk about it and then forcing Declan to run his business and never allow them to talk to one another about what was happening? Why did Aurora never bother to clue her sons in? I have so many questions about this! What about that devil creature he saw his dad with when he was a kid - was that Niall’s nightmare creature? Did Niall know Ronan saw that? It seems like Ronan knew/remembered/suspected some things and not others ... IDK ...

Also, like. How did they keep doctors and insurance people and such from questioning what was going on with Aurora after Niall died? Or all the cattle on the land? Like, someone must have been tasked with tending to that stuff, so WTF? And Declan was for sure sneaking onto the Barns to get dream objects to sell. What a hypocrite. 

Dream creatures are sort of PART of the dreamers, right? This is less creepy when thinking about Chainsaw or cattle. But Aurora was a part of Niall? Matthew was a part of Ronan?! How does that ... work?? 

That fucking Camaro wheel under the lake on the ley line that was hundreds of years old MIRITE?!?! And how is it related to the shield boss? They were both left behind? Calla talks about both Gansey and Glendower as people who reuse time, so ... uh ... the fuck?

Gansey DOES abandon his spare wheel at the airport to make room for Malory’s things - is that somehow connected??

What is with Gansey and sucking on those mint leaves anyway?

When Adam and Gansey are at that party and the lights go out and everyone hears that “Make way for the Raven King” stuff - wtf? Was that Cabeswater? Noah? Glendower? Someone else? Why that and then and there? Is the Gansey family mansion on a ley line??

Why does no one ever notice an entire fucking field of white Mistubishi’s with knives painted on the sides and odd fuck-ups in the design?!

Where was Ronan sleeping that Kavinsky saw him when he had his bad dream where he woke up all bloody? Just like ... in the street??

Why is Ronan paralyzed when he comes out of his dreams but Kavinsky isn’t?

What is the actual deal with Kavinsky’s family, speaking of? Like is his mom an addict or does he just drug her to keep her compliant? Does she know what he is? What happens to her after he dies? What about the whole story with his dad? Did he really kill him? Did he then copy him like he did Prokopenko?

Is Kavinsky’s creature also a night horror to him too? Or was it once? He seems able to control his, even though Ronan can feel the hate coming off it like he can with his own. Ronan’s creatures eventually stop hating him because he stops hating himself. Kavinsky clearly had a death wish, so how is he so comfortable controlling his creature?

Is Henrietta just kinda like Sunnydale and they all know something is a bit off and that’s why no one ever freaks out and calls, like, the FBI when actual fucking dragons start fighting in the sky?? (Also did the Gangsey have to bury Kavinsky’s creature that night to make sure no one found it?? What did the authorities think about Proko’s sleeping body??) Or like when Noah started throwing shit around in the counselor’s office - what did she think ... happened?? Or when there is water dripping off of a picture in the hospital waiting room - does ... does no one else see this stuff? NOT TO MENTION when there’s like a primal scream and an ancient beast appears in the street and then hordes of birds of all kinds start swooping about and flying cross country!??! 

So.... this whole three sleepers thing. The unmaker was the one NOT to wake. Gwen was Maybe the one to wake or Maybe the one in the middle or Maybe not even a sleeper since she was never fully put to sleep. Glendower was ... actually fucking dead so not a fucking sleeper at all? Adam thinks, symbolically, that he was the sleeper to be awoken, which is nifty, but prolly not what the ladies meant. Are there OTHER sleepers still?!? 

Okay. When Maura disappears, who becomes Blue’s legal guardian? I would think maybe Jimi, being her aunt? But it seems like Calla is the most responsible/parental one so perhaps Maura had already designated her as a guardian if something were to happen?? I’d love to know, honestly. I need so much more about this household,really. 

Was it one of the Fox Way psychics who came to sage the Greenmantle’s rental place? I wonder which one...

Is the sleeping that the dreamed creatures do when their dreamer dies somehow connected to the sleepers referenced on the ley line??

WHAT is the story behind the time Blue ran away and they had to call the police?!?! When did this happen?!? I need details!

Calla seems to recognize or sense something about Jesse when she meets him - what’s that about?

It seems like Gwen and Artemus, as tree-lights, can live a really long time and Gwen lived a long time not-really-asleep with no food or water or anything. Does this mean Blue will get to live a super long life? 

Can Persephone’s ghost come and go the way Noah’s does? Is that how she communicates with Adam? Why only him?

WHAT is the story behind when Jimi punched Calla??

Did anyone ever tell Declan that his mom got to be alive again for awhile in Cabeswater and how pissed was he that he never got to go and see her?

How does Gansey’s voice command thing work, and how is it/he connected to Glendower? I’ve got a LOT to work out about this one....

Which Laumonier is Piper’s dad? How did that all work? Did they all raise her as one? Does she even know which one is technically her dad? Why are they ... like that??

Who is the dead person in Calla’s life that Noah reminds her of when he’s doing the creepy 6:21 stuff? I want THAT story, too.

Are all of the Asian kids at Aglionby from Vancouver? Is that... a thing??

Here’s one: is Declan even Aurora’s kid or did Niall have him with a human person? I don’t know why I strongly suspect this so much, but I do.

How much does Matthew know about his weird-ass family? Any of it??

What is the story behind Blue dumping the stuff over the kid’s car at school? Also what’s behind the Not Your Bitch nickname the other kids have for her? Gods, tell me so much more about Blue being a badass trouble maker okay!

Also, omg, going back to the Lynch’s - so we talk about Chainsaw and Opal as being sort of part’s of Ronan’s psyche, right? So ... is that what Aurora is? Was she, like, Niall’s psychopomp??? That is so weird. 

When Blue has her tree-dream ... was she actually integrating into the tree?? Did she really take Gansey in there with her?!

The unmaker is a wasp. Gansey was killed by bees. Coincidence?! 

That woman who comes to the Barns in Opal’s story RIGHT?!?!? 

Also, gods, I have SO MANY QUESTIONS about Glendower and Artemus and Gwenllian and all of those folks. Why did the magic of putting Glendower to sleep not work? Or did it? Did it wear off? Did the kids just find another false grave and he’s still yet to be found? Did they just not do the right things to wake him? Will they come back to that? Did Artemus purposefully not put Gwen to sleep-sleep? If so that is seriously fucked up, dude. Why is Artemus so messed up after they find him again - so much lesser, I think, the narrative says? Is it because of having been down with the unmaker for so long? It feels like there’s more to it than that. Gwen seems simultaneously really ticked at her dad and really wanting for him to be found - what is their story? 

When the Fox Way ladies do their big reading at the start of TRK, they ask “does this mean she’s still alive?” - I’m guessing that’s about Neeve. And then “does this mean she’s leaving?” - probably Blue? And then “does this mean she’s coming back?” - could this be about Persephone? Is she gonna come back in some way PLEASE SAY YES, PLEASE SAY YES.

Also, omg, Persephone’s whole backstory is one giant mystery that I want uncovered. I mean - all of the lady’s stories are, really, but hers, especially. It’s said a few times how she never tells anyone anything about herself and they’re just not sure about anything about her, etc. She is so vague all the time and never answers questions about herself so ... yea, that means I wanna know everything.

I don’t know, folks. I have just so many other questions. Some are mundane things I just wanna know about the characters. Some are deep mysteries that there are probably clues to that I just have yet to piece together after my 20 re-reads thus far. Some are left hanging on purpose so we’ll have different theories and interpretations, probably. SOME ARE HOPEFULLY GONNA GET ANSWERED IN THE DREAMER TRILOGY?!?!? But this is long enough. Feel free to add to this or answer me if you think you’ve got one answered!

[trb-reacts]

The Raven Boys, Chapter 14

“When is Mom’s birthday?” Helen asked. Gansey was simultaneously pleased to hear her voice and annoyed to be bothered by something so trivial. For the most part, he and his sister got along well; Gansey siblings were a rare and complicated species, and they didn’t have to pretend to be something they weren’t around each other.

Umm, excuse you, Gansey. How dare you call your mom’s birthday trivial?? Also, I’m a little amused but glad to see that not all of my rich people stereotypes are coming up here. I expected all the siblings to be very cold with them *eyes at the Lynch brothers*, but that’s not the case and Gansey’s family seems pretty close with each other for most part? 

(Except for the dad, of course, who threatened to remove Gansey from inheriting anything if he gets below a B)

But, yeah, I’m just glad that there’s at least some healthy sibling relationships around here. 

“You’re the wedding planner,” Gansey said as a dog ripped out of nowhere. It barked furiously, trying to bite the Camaro’s tires.

Lol, I don’t know why with the way this is written, I’m beginning to think that Gansey’s car tires is made of rich people leather and that’s why the dog all of sudden just raised its head, went idk STEAK! and just ripped outta nowhere towards Gansey’s car tires. Also I’m amused because I just recall Gansey’s car is named the Pig, I think, which… makes sense why the dog is going after it?

Helen did not need to be anything. She didn’t have careers, she had hobbies that involved other people’s lives.

Oh, now that definitely sounds more like a rich person thing. She didn’t have careers, she had a fortune of old money to live off of. Oh wait, that’s not what it said? I think that’s just my bitterness towards these rich families coming out. Gee, how does Adam ever stand them?

Also, She didn’t have careers, she had hobbies that involved other people’s live, sounds like such a bored married housewife would nothing to do thing, like, uh, I have nothing to do ever since I don’t work, so let’s just gossip and try to backseat drive your life. 

In all honesty, I like Helen so far. The first thing she really called about is to ask about her mother’s birthday, which while shows that she does not remember, she at least cares?? And Gansey likes her, which is a nice vote of confidence in my book *just eyes at Ronan, my nonsecret fav in the book, and Adam, the sweetheart*. Yeah, so I don’t know why I’m kinda lowkey roasting her. I think I just don’t like too many hints of Old Money and Rich People, since I’m poor. 

A lab mix tied in front of the first house bayed dolorously as he passed. The other dog continued to worry at his tires, a snarl ascending with the engine note.

Why does it seem like there’s so many dogs in this neighborhood, though I do very much love dogs. 

Three kids in sleeveless shirts stood in one of the yards shooting milk jugs with BB guns; they shouted Hey, Hollywood! and affably aimed guns at the Pig’s tires. They pretended to hold phones by their ears. Gansey felt a peculiar stab at the three of them, their camaraderie, their belonging, products of their surroundings. He wasn’t sure if it was pity or envy. Everywhere was dust.

Oh, there was something about this scene. Three again, after the reading with Blue and Whelk last time, three kids. Gansey felt a peculiar stab at the three of them, their camaraderie, their belonging, products of their surroundings. Like, it sounds very much like envy, except Gansey does have kinda these things among the raven boys. The only issue is that, well, life is never as simple for Gansey or the raven boys as it could be for these three random kids, since life is always complicated when old money and a circle of influential family is involved. 

Also, just the ending of this paragraph. Everywhere was dust. Gansey couldn’t see clearly, just which one is which, envy and pity swirling together? Or was it a matter of showing how low these kids are compared to Gansey and his background, little specks that means nothing in the end, even if they have more - their camaraderie, their belonging, products of their surroundings - than Gansey thinks he can ever have. 

“I’m going to see a friend.” “The mean one, or the white trash one?” “Helen.” She replied, “Sorry. I meant Captain Frigid or Trailer-Park Boy.”

I would say that I’m not sure if I should be amused or offended, but that would be a lie. I’m offended. Is this prejudice against people who’s not born into the same rich background as them? I’m very happy that my mind knew what was up and was roasting her even before this line came up. 

Also, I think it’s kinda obvious by now, but Noah really isn’t actually part of the group. People refer to the boys as Gansey&Ronan&Adam. Noah is making very few appearances. 

“Dad calls them worse things,” Helen said.

I’m sorry, darling, but that’s really no excuse. You can think for yourself, can’t you, instead of pointing fingers and saying, Well, as least I’m not as mean as him!

Somehow seeing his parents always reminded him of how little he’d accomplished, how similar he and Helen were, how many red ties he owned, how he was slowly growing up to be everything Ronan was afraid of becoming.

Oh, intriguing. How little he has accomplished. Low self-esteem or just the idea that his value depends on how much he has accomplished, though I understand that in this case, it probably came from his upbringing. How much red ties, I’m not sure what that means. I think I’m mostly intrigued by how he was slowly growing up to be everything Ronan was afraid of becoming, mostly because I’m wondering if Gansey is also afraid of becoming that rich white guy as well. And just, also, the idea that Ronan is afraid instead of hate, as though Ronan thinks his potential to be what he doesn’t want to be is very much there to turn potential to reality. 

Fat, shiny carpenter bees swooped at his head, distracted from their work of destroying the stairs.

Bees… destroys stairs????

The idea that you had to pay for the beauty in Henrietta should have occurred to him before then, but it hadn’t. No matter how many times Adam told him he was foolish about money, he couldn’t seem to get any wiser about it.

Oh, Gansey, everything is paid in money, but you use it as easily as breathing. For some people, money is paid in breaths, in time, in huffs of breaths of toil and hours worked to accumulate for so little. 

There is no spring here, Gansey realized, and the thought was unexpectedly grim.

This is a profound line, but I’m mostly thinking about how it’s April and still it feels like fucking winter. No spring indeed for me, this year. Metaphorically applies too, since this year sucks for me so far. 

Adam’s knees bent as if he were going to scoot himself out from under the car, but then he didn’t. 

Gansey knew what this meant, this failure to immediately come out from beneath the car, and anger and guilt drew his chest tight. The most frustrating thing about the Adam situation was that Gansey couldn’t control it. Not a single piece of it. 

Oh, Adam. I don’t know if I want Adam to not come out because he doesn’t want Gansey to see that he is beat up for being caught after trying to sneak out, or because Adam is angry at Gansey. The former because Adam being so considerate just breaks my heart and the latter because I think Adam is the type to, in a very non-hyperbolic way, kill himself trying to help those he care about and I really want Adam to be able to… not exactly stand up for himself because Gansey doesn’t really bully Adam so much as ask him for stuff despite knowing it would be difficult for Adam, but at least be able to say no and be able to put himself before others on some occasions. 

A bruise spread over his cheekbone, red and swelling as a galaxy. A darker one snaked over the bridge of his nose.

</3 oh, Adam.

“And what about when Glendower takes you away from Henrietta?” Gansey couldn’t say it wouldn’t happen. “You come with.”

Oh, and Adam says his faith in Gansey’s dream is incomplete. When he says, though I supposed it is incomplete, at least in Gansey. Adam didn’t think Gansey would take him with him. 

Rags to riches isn’t a story anyone wants to hear until after it’s done. 

Too true, too heartbreaking. Everyone wants to hear a ‘I preserve, worked hard and I succeeded, it paid off’. Who wants to hear a ‘and I’m still trying, with no success in sight’? 

But it was a story that was hard to finish when Adam had missed school yet again. There was no happy ending without passing grades.

Don’t be so real, guys. Reality is setting in and this is not what I signed up for when I started reading this book. 

And this was an uneasy place to be, because Gansey knew it took a lot for Adam to accept his reasons for chasing Glendower. Adam had plenty of reasons to be indifferent about Gansey’s nebulous anxiety, his questioning of why the universe had chosen him to be born to affluent parents, wondering if there was some greater purpose that he was alive.

The poor are sad they’re poor, Adam had once mused, and turns out the rich are sad they’re rich. 

Sigh, the grass is always greener on the other side and I can imagine how much it sucks for Adam to see everything he ever wanted be in every other person’s hand, not because they earned it but because they were born with it. They have everything Adam ever wanted and still, they want more. 

And Ronan had said, Hey, I’m rich, and it doesn’t bother me.

Except ‘growing up to be everything Ronan was afraid of becoming’, yeah, being rich doesn’t bother Ronan. 

Success meant nothing to Adam if he hadn’t done it for himself.

I’m so proud of my son rn but also like, goddamnit Adam, let them help you a little. You don’t have to use connections for everything, but use the connection to get an opportunity to prove yourself, would you?

“You’ve watched too many cop shows.” “I’ve watched the evening news, Adam,”

Nice comeback, Gansey, mostly because i agree with him. This is one sad reality. 

“Why don’t you let Ronan teach you to fight? He’s offered twice now. He means it.”

I did not expect to hear this, but now I’m just so happy and proud. Ronan, wanting Adam to be able to defend himself, and offers to teach him. Ronan, offering twice. I’m so happy. 

“Because then he will kill me.” “I don’t follow.” Adam said, “He has a gun.”

Well, there goes my happiness out the door. Adam’s father sucks the life and happiness outta me and we haven’t actually even met him yet. Jesus. 

Not at the double-wides in the foreground, but past them, to the flat, endless field with its tufts of dry grass. So many things survived here without really living.

But… can I say ‘but they survive.’ Not living, but still, they survive. And if they survive long enough, they can transfer to a better environment where they can thrive. 

“It means I never get to be my own person. If I let you cover for me, then I’m yours. I’m his now, and then I’ll be yours.”

Yes and no. Yes, because I can see where Adam is coming, I really can, but… there’s a difference between receiving some help and owing someone so much that you owe them everything. But at the same time, I don’t think it’s ever about the degree of help Gansey exert, more like the more helpful the help was to Adam, the more Adam feels like he will owe, even if Gansey’s help might really involve an effortless phone call that would get Adam an interview for a job.

Some days, all that grounded him was the knowledge that his and Adam’s friendship existed in a place that money couldn’t influence.

Gansey, I don’t think you could ever say this so long as you and Adam’s social and monetary status is so different. You can probably say this about you and Ronan, but you’re naive if you thought so between you and Adam. 

“You don’t know how it makes people look at me and at you. It’s all they need to know about us. They’ll think I’m your monkey.“

Ouch. Just.. ouch. 

I am only my money. It is all anyone sees, even Adam.

You’re not only your money, Gansey, but that is a huge part of you. Adam is admittedly bothered by the glaring money part of you that stares him in the face all the time. 

“You’re as bad as her. You think you deserve it.”

Who’s her? Adam’s mom?

“Don’t pretend you know,” he said. “Don’t come here and pretend you know anything.” Gansey told himself to walk away. To say nothing else. Then he said, “Don’t pretend you have anything to be proud of, then.”

Oh Gansey, have you ever thought that it is exactly because Adam has nothing to be proud of that he clings onto his pride, the fact  that everything he has is because he earned it, because there is nothing else. He is building from bottom up, and it is true, people only want to hear stories of rag to riches. Would you have said the same, would you have been able to say those words, Gansey, if Adam already became rich?

As soon as he said it, he knew that it wasn’t fair, or even if it had been fair, it wasn’t right. But he wasn’t sorry he’d said it.

I would like to condemn Gansey, but… he is just awfully human, contradictory and acting on emotions and all. I can’t blame him, even if he shouldn’t have said it. The rich have their rich problem, the poor has theirs. 

He imagined coming here one day and finding that Adam wasn’t here, but in the hospital, or worse, that Adam was here, but that something important had been beaten out of him.

His pride or his life, Gansey, because I think you just tried to beat Adam’s pride out of him to save his life. And I’m not sure if that was for the better. 

… okay, I guess I’m not that forgiving towards Gansey. I can relate to Adam better, from one poor person to the other. 

Gansey could see his irises moving underneath the thin skin of his eyelids, a dreamer awake.

a dreamer awake, it said. Oh, this is so heartbreaking. Just… an optimist that had life lessons beaten into it one time too many for him to not turn into a realistic. And real life is that it is hard, it sucks, it’s not fair and not everyone would get what they deserve, even if they try. 

Now Adam looked at Gansey. There was something fierce and chilling in his eyes, an unnamable something that Gansey was always afraid would eventually take over completely. This, he knew, was a compromise, a risky gift that he could choose to reject.

In which Gansey asks for too much and when he learned to stop asking because he realize it costs Adam too much, Adam offers because… he’s Adam and Gansey is his friend. 

Adam’s breath stopped audibly. Through the windshield, Gansey met the eyes of Adam’s father.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckafkaslfdjgfkldfj. The price is high, so high. Adam, I know you said you need to return by 10, but please don’t. Please. Move in with Gansey, Ronan and Noah, finish up your college degree, get a good job, be successful, be happy. Don’t go back. 

Aaaand, we’ve come to the end of this chapter. What can I say besides too much had happened and emotions and risks run high. Next stop, back to Blue. 

[nerdwithanxiety]

I finished reading The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater, here are some of my favorite bits:

“Some secrets only gave themselves up those who’d proven themselves worthy.”

“Some of the books were actually Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Editions.” (we know they’re yours Gansey)

“Where did it come from?”

Ronan’s fingers were a compassionate cage around the raven’s breast. It didn’t look real in his hands. “I found it.”

“People find pennies,” Gansey replied. “Or car keys. Or four-leaf clovers.”

“And ravens,” Ronan said. “You’re just jealous ’cause” — at this point, he had to stop to regroup his beer-sluggish thoughts — “you didn’t find one, too.”

The bird had just crapped between Ronan’s fingers onto the pew beside him. Holding the fledgling in one hand, Ronan used a church bulletin to scrape the majority of the mess off the wood. He offered the soiled paper to Gansey. The weekly prayer requests were spattered with white.

Gansey only took the paper because he didn’t trust Ronan to bother finding a place to throw it out. With some distaste, he asked, “What if I implement a no-pets policy at the apartment?”

“Well, hell, man,” Ronan replied, with a savage smile, “you can’t just throw out Noah like that.”

It took Gansey a moment to realize that Ronan had made a joke, and by then, it was too late to laugh. In any case, he knew he was going to let the bird return with them to Monmouth Manufacturing, because he saw the possessive way Ronan held it. Already the raven looked up at him, beak cracked hopefully, dependent.

Gansey relented. “Come on. We’re going back. Get up.”

As Ronan unsteadily climbed to his feet, the raven hunched down in his hands, becoming all beak and body, no neck. He said, “Get used to some turbulence, you little bastard.” (This whole fucking scene is gold)

“Gansey contemplated if he could give Ronan a curfew. Or if he should quit rowing to spend more time with him on Fridays — he knew that was when Ronan got into trouble with the BMW. Maybe he could convince Ronan to …” (such a dad)

“Hey, tiger,” Gansey said. (Do I need to add something, seriously bro, such a dad, PART II)

“Ronan said, “It makes you look like a loser,”

“Ronan,” said Gansey. (such a dad, PART III)

“What’s going on with your face, by the way?”

Gansey rubbed his chin, rueful. His skin felt reluctantly stubbled. He knew he was being diverted, but he allowed it. “Is it growing?”

“Dude, you aren’t really going to do that beard thing, are you? I thought you were joking. You know that stopped being cool in the fourteenth century or whenever it was that Paul Bunyan lived.” Ronan looked over his shoulder at him. He was sporting the five o’clock shadow that he was capable of growing at any time of the day. “Just stop. You look mangy.”

“It’s irrelevant. It’s not growing. I’m doomed to be a man-child.”

“If you keep saying things like ‘man-child,’ we’re done,” Ronan said. “Hey, man. Don’t let it get you down. Once your balls drop, that beard’ll come in great. Like a fucking rug. You eat soup, it’ll filter out the potatoes. Terrier style. Do you have hair on your legs? I’ve never noticed.” (savage)

“There she is,” Helen’s voice reported directly into Gansey’s ears; in the helicopter, they all wore headsets to allow them to converse through the ceaseless noise of the blades and the engine. “Gansey’s girlfriend.”

Ronan’s snort barely made it through his headset, but Gansey had heard it often enough to know it was there.

Blue said, “She must be pretty big to see her from up here.”

“Henrietta,” Helen replied. She peered to the left of the helo as she banked. “They’re getting married. They haven’t set a date yet.”

“If you’re going to embarrass me, I’ll throw you out and fly myself,” Gansey said from the seat beside her. This was not a true threat. Not only would he not push Helen out at this altitude, he wasn’t legal to fly without her. Also, truth be told, he wasn’t very good at flying a helicopter, despite several lessons. He seemed to lack the important ability to orient himself vertically as well as horizontally, which led to disagreements involving trees. He comforted himself with the knowledge that, at least, he could parallel park very well. (I love the fact that Helen recognizes that the true love story of the series is between Gansey and Henrietta, also the reasons why Gansey didn’t throw Helen from the helicopter)

Gansey grinned at them both. He was hard to resist in this form: glowing with rows and rows of white teeth, a college brochure in the making.

“Oyster shells,” (you know who said this, such a nerd)

“What is he doing, anyway?”

“Peeing.”

“Trust Lynch to deface a place like this five minutes after getting here.”

“Deface? Marking his territory.”

“He must own more of Virginia than your father, then.” (such boys)

“That’s an interesting idea about the energy. Though — can your battery get drained? By things other than conversations about prostitution?” (smooth, How to Get a Girl 101: call her prostitute, a book by Richard “Dick” Gansey)

“That’s an interesting idea about the energy. Though — can your battery get drained? By things other than conversations about prostitution?” (that’s what I call continuity)

Really, he should be making Ronan do his homework before Aglionby kicked him out. (such a dad, the comeback)

What happened was they drove to Harry’s and parked the Camaro next to an Audi and a Lexus and Gansey ordered flavors of gelato until the table wouldn’t hold any more bowls and Ronan convinced the staff to turn the overhead speakers up and Blue laughed for the first time at something Gansey said and they were loud and triumphant and kings of Henrietta, because they’d found the ley line and because it was starting, it was starting. (That whole scene is fucking cute, I want it in the T.V. show)

As Adam stared at his lap, penitent, he mused that there was something musical about Ronan when he swore, a careful and loving precision to the way he fit the words together, a black-painted poetry. (you were already in love with this boy, I mean that so… GAY)

 Ronan finished with, “For the love of … Parrish, take some care, this is not your mother’s 1971 Honda Civic.”

Adam lifted his head and said, “They didn’t start making the Civic until ’73.” (sassy boy, I really like you)

“We have to be back in three hours,” Ronan said. “I just fed Chainsaw but she’ll need it again.”

“This,” Gansey replied, “is precisely why I didn’t want to have a baby with you.” (grandad Gansey is concerned)

“I have to walk dogs.”

“Oh,” Gansey replied, sounding deflated. “Well, okay.”

“But it’ll only take an hour.”

“Oh,” he repeated, about fourteen shades brighter. “Shall I pick you up, then?” (cute! Cute! Cute! Cute! Calm down Gansey your crush is showing)

Blue tried not to look at Gansey’s boat shoes; she felt better about him as a person if she pretended he wasn’t wearing them. (Same, Blue, same)

She noticed that he had impressive arm muscles, (Gansey has impressive arm muscles, this is too much)

“If we go that way, it seems less like we’ll be shot for trespassing. We can’t be low profile because of your shirt.”

“Aquamarine is a wonderful color, and I won’t be made to feel bad for wearing it,” 

On the outside, he knew he looked a lot like his father. On the inside, he sort of wished he looked more like the Camaro. Which was to say, more like Adam. (Too many feelings, Adam spends a lot of time wishing he was more like Gansey, and here Gansey is …)

“His name wasn’t really Butternut, was it?” Gansey asked Adam in a low voice. (his name is worse than that believe me sweetheart.)

“Do you think they’ll arrest Whelk before class tomorrow?” Ronan asked. “Because if they do, I’m not doing the reading.” (priorities)

She grabbed the closest piece of paper from Gansey’s desk; it looked like a bit of calculus or something. He’d already doodled a cat attacking a man on it, so she figured it was safe to use. (I loved this, it’s so human and I can relate so much)

“So, look. This is what I know. I think your father has something to do with Cabeswater or the ley line. Way back before you were born, Calla and Persephone and I were messing around with things we probably shouldn’t have been messing around with —”

“Drugs?”

“Rituals. Are you messing around with drugs?”

“No. But maybe rituals.”

“Drugs might be better.”

REMEMBER CHILDREN DO DRUGS, NOT RITUALS

“You didn’t ask ?”

“We didn’t … have that sort of relationship.”

·         “I don’t want to know what sort it was, actually, if it didn’t involve talking.” (too much information)

·         Stepping forward, leaning over the hood of the car, Ronan pressed his finger to the windshield, and while they watched, he wrote:

REMEMBERED (I really love Ronan)

·         Being Adam Parrish was a complicated thing, a wonder of muscles and organs, synapses and nerves. He was a miracle of moving parts, a study in survival. The most important thing to Adam Parrish, though, had always been free will, the ability to be his own master. (this is one of the most beautiful paragraphs I’ve ever read)

·         “I hope he likes it. I’ve pulled a muscle.” Gansey scoffed,

“Doing what ? You were standing watch.”

“Opening my hood.” (savage sass boi)

·         “I guess now would be a good time to tell you,” he said. “I took Chainsaw out of my dreams.” (cliff hanger)

This is way longer than I thought it would be.

[omeglerpsokyeah-blog]

Rovinsky #3

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like pynch, rovinsky, and drarry. You: [Ronan lived with Kavinsky and the boys for a couple months before moving back in with Gansey. Whilst there, Ronan and the boys developed a friendship, and him and K had a bit of a thing. Everything kinda went sour when Ronan left. Drugs/Overdose warning] Kav’s took too much coke. Gonna take him to the hospital. J Stranger: Again? Fucking hell. RL You: Yeah. Don't know what the fuck's wrong with him. J
Second time this month. J Stranger: The hospital's gonna try and fucking hold him to get him to detox. R Stranger: You gonna try and make him stay? R You: Not gonna make him do anything he doesn't want to do. J Stranger: Jesus Christ. He's not going to fucking wake up one day, man. R Stranger: I'll meet you guys at the fucking hospital. R Stranger: I need you to fucking back me up. R You: I'm not letting them throw him in some fucking mental hospital. Or rehab, or whatever the fuck it is. J Stranger: You think I'm gonna fucking let them do that? Jesus, man. RL Stranger: Look, he needs to fucking detox. One way or another. There's fucking options. R You: Since when do you give a fuck about K? J Stranger: He's gonna fucking kill himself. R You: Swan and Skov want to beat the shit out of you, by the way. So. Be careful, coming here. J Stranger: They can fucking try. R Stranger: I don't give a fuck. Kav's gonna be dead before the fucking year is up if he keeps doing this shit. R You: No fighting. J You: No fucking fighting. J Stranger: You think they're gonna fuckin listen? R Stranger: I don't give a fuck about that. R Stranger: K is gonna fucking die. R Stranger: We can't let that happen. R You: Don't come. It's just gonna cause shit. J You: We've got him. J Stranger: No, you fucking don't. R Stranger: How many fucking times have you let him take way too much shit? R Stranger: He's spiraling, man. R You: Don't you fucking dare, Lynch. Don't fucking dare. J
We looked after him before you were here and we'll look after him long after you've fucked off back to your owner. J Stranger: You fucking think I wanted to choose? R You: You made your choice. J Stranger: It didn't have to be a fucking choice, and you /know/ that. R Stranger: You fucking saw what that asshole meant to me. R Stranger: What you all did. R Stranger: So don't fucking give me that bullshit. R Stranger: He made me leave. R You: It could never be both of them. Gansey and K. J
Adam and K. J Stranger: The all of us worked. R You: Yeah, 'cause we're a family. J Stranger: And he made me leave. R Stranger: Because I missed my friends. R Stranger: That sound like fucking family to you? R You: He made you leave because you were seeing them again. Because we all saw the way Parrish was looking at you. Not just K, all of us. J
And he didn't make you leave. He made you choose. J Stranger: Kav didn't give a fuck about the way I was looking at him. The way I was looking at all of you. R Stranger: He's a jealous fuck, and he couldn't fucking handle that I had other friends. R Stranger: He made me /leave/. R You: He made you choose. J Stranger: I never fucking wanted to go. R You: It was always going to be with him or against him. You know that. J Stranger: I was with him. R Stranger: I wanted to be. R Stranger: Until I fucking died. R Stranger: He forced me to fucking leave. R You: Well, you're seeing Parrish now, so guess it all worked out in your favour, huh? J Stranger: We're not fucking dating. R You: Got better shit to worry about. J Stranger: Fuck this. I don't need to prove shit to you. R Stranger: I'll be at the fucking hospital. R You: Your funeral. J Stranger: [Paras?] You: [yeah, sure!] Stranger: [do you wanna start?] You: [sure!] Stranger: [<3] You: "Stay a-fucking-wake, K." Swan mumbled, keeping Kavinsky's head inclined slightly in case he was sick. Jiang, Swan and Proko were sat in the back of the Mitsubishi with K sprawled across their laps, with Skov driving. "Proko, I'm really going to need you to stop fucking crying. You're stressing everyone out." Jiang snapped as they were piling out of the car, but he pulled the frightened other into his side anyway. They went straight through emergency and Kavinsky was rushed off on some shitty hospital bed, with needles being injected into his collapsing veins and hands pressing against his chest to try and keep him alive. It was twenty minutes later when Lynch showed up, the four boys waiting in a private room. "What the fuck is he doing here?" Swan was the first to spot him, on his feet in seconds. Skov followed quickly. Stranger: (pROKO) You: (HE FUCKING LOVES K SO MUCH) Stranger: (I LOVE HIM, HE'S SUCH A POOR BABY) Stranger: Kavinsky had wormed his way into Ronan's thoughts like rot, sending decay through his flesh, ruining him. It had started with dream things, bloody fists, and the smell of exhaust in the dark Henrietta air; their meeting –two dreamers with their fare share of nightmares– never should have been. The instant friction between them was more than enough of a warning sign. The instant dislike that Kavinsky left on Ronan tasted like a mouthful of gravel after a lost fight (like a lip, bitten through, like smoke filling the inside of a running car, like saltwater in his lungs, like a game of chess with gods.) Ronan Lynch had never learned how to walk away from war. The boys – the lost boys that had bound themselves together with smoke and blood and ink made Ronan feel like home, made him feel like he'd had a family for the first time since– since. But Gansey and Parrish and Blue and Cheng – they were family too. K hadn't understood that there was room in Ronan for both. When he got the text, the second time in as many months, he felt his stomach drop out from underneath him, his heart stop. His breath sent aches through his chest, phantom pains. Would this be the last time? Kavinsky was a natural disaster, a hurricane, a volcano, and a tsunami all rolled up in one fragile frame, desperate for his own undoing. Ronan would fight the fucking wind if it meant having K alive. "Where the fuck is he?" You: This was never going to end well, no matter the situation. The boys had grown a family from an absence of their own, from too many drugs and too little care for their own existence. Letting Ronan in had shifted something for all of them - it had taken months of Kavinsky persuading them to bring in someone else. Proko got jealous, Swan and Skov were cautious. They'd all lost too many people and when Lynch had packed his shit and left in Gansey's fucking Camaro, it had splintered something in all of them. Jiang could understand it, Proko tried not to feel relieved. Swan and Skov dealt with it as they always did, they got angry. Kavinsky spiralled. Took twice the amount of shit he was taking before, fought the boys more than he fucked them and apparently, took enough Coke to kill a small horse. They had a lot to thank Lynch for. "Why the fuck do you care?" Skov spat, taking a step forward and shoving Ronan back by his shoulder. Jiang thanked any fucking god that they had their own private room, that no staff would hopefully intervene four boys worrying over the fate of their friend. "Didn't care when you fucking left him, did you?" Skov added, pairing it with yet another shove. Stranger: Ronan's hands curled into fists at his sides. He wanted to shove Skov right back, slam the other boy into the wall and fucking– fucking curl his fingers around his shoulders, to collide their mouths together and see if the taste of him has changed. Ronan didn't just lose Kavinsky when he left – he'd lost them all. They had left a hole in his fucking chest that felt like a void he'd never be able to fill. It made him breathless, like he was sucking in air, on the edge of blacking out every moment of every day– he hasn't felt alive in months. "You think I don't fucking care?" Ronan snarled right back, stumbling back only slightly. "You're stupider than you fucking look if you think I don't give a damn. You know–– You fucking /know/––" Stranger: Ronan's hands curled into fists at his sides. He wanted to shove Skov right back, slam the other boy into the wall and fucking– fucking curl his fingers around his shoulders, to collide their mouths together and see if the taste of him has changed. Ronan didn't just lose Kavinsky when he left – he'd lost them all. They had left a hole in his fucking chest that felt like a void he'd never be able to fill. It made him breathless, like he was sucking in air, on the edge of blacking out every moment of every day– he hasn't felt alive in months. "You think I don't fucking care?" Ronan snarled right back, stumbling back only slightly. "You're stupider than you fucking look if you think I don't give a damn. You know–– You fucking /know/––" You: (Be right back!) You: "Wanna know what I know?" Swan stepped in, voice slightly less frantic, but not lacking any anger. "Know what you picked them over him - over us. Know that since you left, K's been taking shit like there's no fucking tomorrow. Even fucking Proko misses you. You fucking /left/, Lynch. You don't get to just decide when you wanna be part of this again." Jiang sat back against his seat, silent. Part of him wanted to defend Ronan - wanted to tell the others that, yes, fucking hell - he left. But the others were his family as well. As much as they fucking hated Dick, he looked after his friends. The same way they were all doing for Kavinsky now. But the other part of him stopped this from happening - the betrayed part, the part that had stuck his fingers down K's throat countless times these past months to stop him from OD'ing. "You might as well fucking go. No one wants you here." Skov said, and it was a lie. They all did, but they wanted him /here/. Not just a part of him; they didn't want to share. Didn't want the taste of Parrish on him. You: (Did you get that?) Stranger has disconnected.