#or in a case of your primary care doctor feeling you need one which mine also does not seem to think so

[g-kat423]

It’s hard to not get frustrated with therapy/ make any progress when the entire time the therapist is like “and why do you think you feel this way?” “You need to restructure your thoughts.” “Have you tried letting go?”

BRO.

Don’t you think I’d fucking LOVE to let go? It’s kind of hard when my mental health is directly impacted by what my physical body is doing. Like yes I’d love to think positively and move on with my life and enjoy things, but I’m in pain and I feel sick all the time and no one has any answers because all the blood work and direct tests I’ve had done all come back perfectly normal and I would be grateful if only my body didn’t constantly feel like shit. I’m sorry, but there has to be something wrong that’s causing this. It can’t just be “normal” to feel this way.

[macgyvermedical]

My Experience in Inpatient Psych

So I know a lot of people on here have talked about their experience in inpatient psych facilities, but I'd like to add mine just to give all you writers out there a writer-focused one. It's below the cut just in case you have to sit this one out for your own reasons.

To give you some background, I am 30 years old and have had hallucinations since about 16 and bizarre intrusive thoughts (someone living in my house that wasn't supposed to be there, somebody poisoned my walls, etc...) for about a decade, as well as very severe anxiety since I was about 3 years old. This is something not a lot of people know about me, even people I am friends with IRL.

The only thing I am actually diagnosed with is anxiety, which I'm starting to think is a failing of the psych systems I have been a part of. I have had counseling off and on and prior to this hospitalization I took escitalopram, aripiprazole, and gabapentin prescribed by my primary care doctor- all for the severe anxiety.

Quite frankly, I should have been in inpatient psych at least a few times before this, and it's by sheer dumb luck that I've survived to continue this blog.

On Friday, I was at home alone and made a few pretty bad decisions. I wont say what they were because frankly they're embarrassing, but they have to do with self-harm. I was scheduled to work Saturday and at about 9pm I realized that if I drove myself to work I would crash my car. Since my wife drives me sometimes, I figured I would just ask her to.

I told my wife and she asked- even if she drove me to work, since I was a nurse, would I be able to keep myself safe around insulin or other potentially dangerous drugs? I couldn't answer that question. We talked for a couple hours and came to the conclusion that I probably needed to go to the emergency department.

At this point I figured they would evaluate me and release me because I couldn't possibly meet the criteria for inpatient. I was wrong in this assumption. After telling them the decisions I had made that day, the feelings of wanting to die in a car crash, plus about a previous attempt, they recommended inpatient. Turns out, when you're a nurse, you can make some really bad life choices with the knowledge you have, and they didn't want to take any chances.

I was given paper scrubs to wear (so I couldn't hurt myself with my clothing or a hospital gown). I was also given a patient companion (someone who sits in the room and makes sure you don't hurt yourself).

They gave me the option of signing myself in voluntarily, or putting me on a writ of detention. A writ of detention is a piece of paperwork that allows a medical professional or law enforcement officer to hold someone for 3 days in a psychiatric facility against the person's will for the purposes of psychiatric treatment. Whether you sign the voluntary or get placed on a writ, you cannot sign yourself out. You need to wait until the psychiatrist taking care of you thinks you're ready to go.

I didn't believe at this point I needed to go inpatient, but I took the voluntary option because there are some perks, like being able to leave within 3 days if appropriate. At this point I was convinced I was probably going to have to call off work Saturday and Sunday, probably be out of the hospital Monday, have a few days to rest and be back at work on my next scheduled shift after that, which was Thursday.

Well, that's not what happened.

Because of some of the decisions I had made, along with bed availability, they wanted to keep me in the observation unit overnight before they sent me to psych. I stayed overnight in a unit that shares staff with the unit I work on, so I was taken care of by my coworkers. This was surprisingly not that bad. I like my coworkers and they were really professional about it.

Saturday I felt like I was in a fog all day. I couldn't watch TV. I couldn't color or write. I worked out some in my hospital room and paced the halls once or twice. Mostly I hung out with my wife and occasionally talked with my companion, but even talking was difficult. I had refused ativan because I felt like I had no hope of finding a medication that made me feel better, and I figured I didn't want to take the one medication that might actually work and then not be able to get it ever again.

Around 7PM I took a 45 minute ambulance ride to the facility. Getting my blood pressure taken is a big anxiety trigger for me, but my brain felt so scrambled that I couldn't express this well. They took it every 10 minutes on the ride there and by the time I got there it was in the 170s/100s (BP goes up when you're having severe anxiety). This was not their fault of course, but no matter how much I thought about telling them or refusing the BPs, I just couldn't do it.

When I got to the facility I was greeted by a tech who took my BP again (150s/90s this time), showed me around and looked through my personal belongings (basically just the clothing I came in with since my wife took my phone and wallet knowing I wouldn't be able to have them on the unit) to make sure I didn't have anything I wasn't allowed to on the unit. She showed me around my room and was really thorough with telling me how things worked, what the rules were, etc..

The rules included:

No patients allowed in other patients rooms

No personal belongings that had strings, belts, or laces, or that could be used as a weapon

No caffeine after lunch and no free access to caffeine

No personal electronics (including eReaders and watches). There was a TV in the day room and 2 phones mounted to the wall for patient use

A little later my nurse came into my room and asked me a ton of questions. Here's the thing about any hospital- you get asked the same questions over and over. By the time I'd gotten there I could give my story in under a minute. Or at least, that's what it felt like. There were only 2 clocks on the unit, at the nurses stations.

The unit itself was laid out in a "T" shape. There was a main nurse's station at the place where the two hallways intersected. At the end of the long hallway there was another smaller nurses station, a cafeteria/day room, and a "comfort room" which was a small room off the day room that had a collection of the oldest and worst donated books that have every come together on a bookshelf.

I did some pacing that night and then went to bed, but didn't sleep particularly well.

On Sunday morning the tech woke me up to take my blood pressure, which was, not unsurprisingly, still high. It was about 5 AM so I got up and paced the longer of the corridors for about an hour. Breakfast was served at 8 and the food wasn't that bad. The coffee was about the worst I'd ever drank, which I suppose helped with the no caffeine goals.

Just after breakfast I met with a psychiatrist on an iPad for about half a minute, and I'm not exaggerating there. The only questions he asked were whether I was suicidal and whether I would be fine with tripling my dose of aripiprazole in light of the hallucinations. I had had a 50-lb weight gain in the last year so I asked to switch my med. He switched the med to cariprazine. That was all.

I had a much longer meeting with my nurse later. All the nurses did an excellent job of assessing me, asked tons of questions, and it seemed like they really tried to figure out what was going on. That day I also met with a social worker, and a therapist, and a nurse practitioner. Each of them did an assessment to see what my needs were while I was there.

There was also a music therapy session where I cried my eyes out to Because of You by Kelly Clarkson.

I was really tired by the end of the day but I also didn't think I could sleep so I asked for trazodone. I should clarify that when I say "I" in this piece I really mean my wife convinced me to ask because I legitimately didn't believe I needed or deserved any of the things I asked for at this point. To my utter shock and surprise, they gave me the trazodone.

My first night on trazodone was amazing and I realized I hadn't slept well in a long time. With trazodone I fell asleep and stayed asleep until the blood pressure cart came rolling down the hallway at 5am. The second I got up on Monday morning I was wide awake.

I paced a lot Monday. I went to a goals session in the morning where I gave a goal to write 3/4 of a page. I didn't know if I could do it or what I was even going to write about, but I know I like to write and it might be a reasonable introduction to getting back to life.

I also was having kind of a rough day brain-wise. My brain was coming up with all the ways I could hurt myself in my room. There weren't a lot of them, but it was trying. I told the nurse during her assessment and she asked if I felt I could keep myself safe. I asked her what she would do if I said no. She said they could move me to a more secure part of the unit and give me more supervision. I knew what part of the unit she was talking about, and I didn't want to go there (no space to pace, and pacing was keeping me alive right then). So I told her I could keep myself safe (if anything, the idea of moving was good motivation to do stay safe in itself). I hallucinated some black and white blood cells falling from the ceiling and music coming out of my vents.

I also had another meeting with the social worker to figure out discharge plans. I voiced in the meeting that I wasn't sure that I could trust my wife, since it felt like at the time she was the one who exaggerated my symptoms to get me in here. The social worker said we had really good communication skills, since this was something I felt needed to be said in front of both of them and we both stayed really calm through the whole thing.

I finished the day with an art therapy session that really helped me turn a corner. The prompt was to draw the emotion(s) you felt right now on one side of the paper, and to draw the emotions you wished you could feel on the other side. For the first time I realized that my emotional state was actually really bad and that the suicidality hadn't come out of nowhere, and that I needed help.

When my wife came to visit later that night I was able to tell her about my breakthrough, even though I still felt a little bit like she had done something to get me in here and I still wasn't sure I needed to be inpatient.

Tuesday was a lot better. I felt like I had woken up out of some kind of fog and I had no idea how long I'd been in it. I went to goals group, a spiritual group, and group occupational therapy. My goal was to be more social and I made a friend and we paced together and worked out. I read a quarter of The Martian by Andy Weir (my wife brought it for me because the best thing on the bookshelf was Louis L'Amour). I wrote about how good I suddenly felt. Turns out, I thought, a few days of good sleep, lots of therapy, and a new medication or two will really change things.

A quick side note about The Martian. I highly recommend it to anyone who is chilling in a psych hospital but has the ability to read while they're there (I sure didn't the first few days). I don't really know why, but the first few times I read it, I felt like they had created this superhuman character in Mark Watney just so they could throw a ton of wild things at him for the story. This time reading it, as a suddenly not suicidal person, I realized anyone with Mark's skill would have done the same thing and not just died on Sol 7 to get it over with.

Wednesday I woke up not feeling nearly as good as Tuesday, but still like the fog had lifted. I was a little disappointed (I hallucinated my cat (thanks for coming to visit me, Corina), some spiders, and just felt kinda meh. But I remembered how good I felt the day before, and that really kept me hopeful about going home.

I saw the psychiatrist again and asked to go home. He joked a little about me staying till Christmas, but ultimately he said as soon as his note was in I could go. I ended up leaving at about 12:30 with my wife.

In the time since leaving I have required a lot of support from my wife. The medications are all locked up, so are the blades and anything I could use to hurt myself. My wife has me in eyeshot at all times. I can't drive due to intrusive thoughts, so she does all the driving now. I quit my job because I feel like it was a big part of why I ended up as bad as I was. As someone who has been a pretty independent person this is a big change of pace, but something that is really necessary to my healing.

Ultimately at the end of my hospital stay, I was prescribed escitalopram, gabapentin, trazodone, cariprazine, and then a few days later propranolol. I'm currently on a total of 5 psych meds and honestly I don't care one bit because its so much better than being not on them at this point in my life.

[funkymbtifiction]

Thanks a lot for answering! I wonder could you please give examples of everyday deeds/types of behavior of different primaries and secondaries? Like what are they like when there's a school test or when they need to visit a doctor? The more the better. Something more down-to-earth than the situations from the fantasy movies listed on the website that may never take place in the real world, something found in everyday life that will help someone identify themselves and mb others around them

I’m not sure I can do that, because frankly, your Primary House is a state of mind. It’s what you want and how you feel about things (or do not feel, in the case of Ravenclaws, ahem). But I can talk about a few things, particularly in response to Harry Potter, that can shed light on the state of mind of the Primary.

What I have most noticed about people in general is that we all have a built-in bias, and in order to find our true type—whether that is our MBTI type, our Enneagram core and tritype, or our Hogwarts House combination—we must abandon our ego defenses. What does that mean? We have to overcome our biases and want to know our true self, and own it, more than we want to fight against an answer that might not please us. In the Enneagram, I’ve noticed particular biases against being a 2 or a 6. Everyone wants to be the more “glamorous” 4 or the elusive, bookworm 5.

Harry Potter, for better or worse, introduced us to the concept of Hogwarts Houses, but also introduced us to a bias, because it made Gryffindor the most glamorous House, due to all the main characters (however unrealistically) hailing from that House. Or, at least, all the main characters we like. Ravenclaw is full of wise weirdos like Luna Lovegood, who irrationally believes in things no one can prove. Slytherin is host to mostly back-stabbing, snobbish cheaters. And Hufflepuff is an “afterthought” where all “the boring, nice people are.”

What I like about Sorting Hat Chats is… they made the entire system more interesting and a lot fairer. Now, Slytherin isn’t the only House with villains automatically placed in it: their villains have to be specific in their love (and not betray their family, because it is the house of My Family is My Life). This also means people, fictional or real, who prioritize their loved ones, are Slytherins. Such as Mr. Darcy, or Katniss Everdeen. Suddenly, being a Slytherin doesn’t seem so bad, right? Not if you are loyal to the ones you love! That alone will appeal to the mindset of a Slytherin, because they will think, “Of COURSE I am. Of COURSE my loved ones come first! They SHOULD!”

I have friends in all four Primary Houses, but I will use myself as an example of the Ravenclaw. When I was reading the books, having all the main characters in Gryffindor bothered me, because not only did it show a bias, but I felt some of the main characters ‘belonged’ in other Houses—such as Remus Lupin being a Hufflepuff rather than a Gryffindor. I also felt like Hermione belonged in Ravenclaw. But that is neither here nor there… my objections to the system came from the logical flaws in how she arranged it. It wasn’t realistic to have everyone ‘important’ or ‘admirable’ within the story come from Gryffindor. It was easier to have them share Common Rooms, but people don’t isolate like that and only befriend someone from their House. They look for like-minded friends who share interests, and would make them all over the place. It was my little Ravenclaw brain, pulling away at her system and finding flaws in its logic, but reacting from a place of logical reasoning rather than moral indignation.

When I took the SHC test, it placed me in Slytherin. And I was not opposed to that. In fact, I explored it for a long time, as I thought about how I respond in various situations. Slytherin appealed to me, because… I wish I could stand up for my family automatically. I wish I could prioritize my loved ones all the time. But I kept hitting upon the fact that – I like to think about things in a detached manner, and come to what I feel is a rational consensus. It’s more clinical and less emotional than Slytherins are—and it helped at the time that I knew a Slytherin, and could easily see both how possessive she was of people (they are “mine to protect” – she always reminded me of Slytherin Sam Gamgee in The Lord of the Rings, with his “MY MR. FRODO”) and how, without fail, her sister came before even me, her best friend. Through comparison, I knew I had to be something else. So in typical Ravenclaw fashion, I went through and considered them all. Because, as a Ravenclaw, I want to be RIGHT more than protect my ego. I am always looking for the truth, even when it hurts. And I am always measuring the world against an ideal in my head, built up of my belief system. I do not go against my beliefs; I mold myself to them. And it shocks me to find others who do not, but who claim to be the same as I am. I take, for example, my Christian faith seriously—so what do you mean you are ignoring what your faith says, and doing whatever you want??? YOU MOLD TO YOUR BELIEFS, DON’T YOU? Well, yes, if you are a Ravenclaw, you do. If you are any other House, you do not.

The Hufflepuff Primary I know has a far more ‘felt’ opinion of the books and their sorting system. She got livid reading them, and thinking about how constantly unfair it all was, how biased Rowling was, and how Dumbledore was clearly playing favorites constantly with Gryffindor House. She developed a bad attitude about him as a result… which, of course, is coming from her being a Hufflepuff. To a Hufflepuff, people come first. They are all treated fairly and seen as equals. You do not discriminate, you do not alienate, you do not give unfair favors to Harry and his friends, just so Gryffindor can win the House Cup over and over again. She was actually so angry about this, from a Hufflepuff perspective, that she was willing to be a Slytherin in defiance of ‘The System’ until she realized that kind of mindset is… pure Hufflepuff. “You are not being fair about this, I will oppose you.” It’s all instinctual, it’s all emotional, and it’s all loyalty to the human race, which includes Slytherins. (This caused us some friction for awhile, until I realized it was “just a Hufflepuff” objection, because... how can you be mad at Dumbledore for that? It’s just a convenient plot device in the book! ... says the Ravenclaw who isn’t getting too emotionally involved. ;)

The Slytherin I know, by the way, denied being a Slytherin at first, because she felt ashamed of it. She has been taught to act like a Hufflepuff, that she SHOULD care about everyone all the time, but… she does not. She cares about her loved ones the most, and she would protect them above other people, every time. I pointed out to her that Hufflepuff fits her less than Slytherin, because “You ARE Katniss. You told me that once. That you identified so heavily with her, because you would go into the arena for your Prim.” And then she admitted it, and saw the gloriousness that is being a loyal Slytherin.

The Gryffindor I know is always looking for a Cause, and… as a Ravenclaw, I find that exhausting. She wants to be mad about things, because that anger gives her the fire she needs to do something about it. She has taken on big Causes by financially supporting the Causes she cares about, and done physical things about smaller Causes. For example, as a teenager, she came upon three guys tormenting a dog. It made her so livid, she charged straight at them, swearing and screaming at them to leave the animal alone, and it scared them all so much, they turned tail and ran. She just knew it was the right thing to do, and she and I often butt heads a lot, because she expects everyone else (meaning me) to be as passionate as she is about doing the ‘right thing.’ My more detached “well, let’s look at both sides of this issue” has no place in her black and white Gryffindor mind (no, that is WRONG).

Secondary Houses are… something that may take a little more time to figure out, as you think about how you handle the ‘unexpected.’

Gryffindors… have to speak up if they see an injustice, or hear something they disagree with. They are they person who cannot keep their mouth shut, they need to voice their opinion. They don’t care if you don’t like it or don’t agree, to not state their views would be antagonistic to their central self. My Hufflepuff friend is a Gryffindor Secondary. Not only did she get mad about the biases in Harry Potter, she complained loudly about it, to me, and to other people, and even in a blog post, because the injustice of it needed drawn-attention to, and dealt with, and she doesn’t really care if you disagree. That’s just how she rolls, about EVERYTHING. Because Gryffindor Secondaries state their views. They see an injustice, and they rush toward it. (My Gryffindor friend is also a Gryffindor Secondary: see dog being abused, rush in to do something about it!)

Ravenclaws… want to prepare for everything, and then rely on their own skill set to handle problems as they arise. They are the person who, when their bike breaks down halfway home, consider what they know about bikes (can they fix this easily?), and what they know about public transportation (am I going to be able to catch a bus home?), and make decisions from there. Or who study for a test in advance and show up, only to panic because they found out they read the wrong chapter in the book and know nothing about it. My father is a Gryffindor with a Ravenclaw Secondary, and he over-prepares himself with any useful knowledge he thinks he might need to combat a wide variety of situations—and then is stumped if confronted by something he did not prepare for, and knows nothing about. He is always trying to think ahead and prepare so that he doesn’t have to improvise anything at the last second—because he sucks at it.

It was a comparison with him that actually shifted me away from assuming I had a Ravenclaw Secondary, because… I don’t suck at improvising. I’m actually quite good at it. And I don’t over-prepare, because in true Hufflepuff Secondary position, I figure I can ask someone for help. And they always give it to me. But what really cemented the deal for me, in terms of recognizing my Puff Secondary House, were two—no, make that three, truths from my life. 1) Ravenpuffs distill complex information and put it back out into the world for others to enjoy (hello, Funky!). 2) Puff Secondaries show up and do the tireless work, clock the hours, and are highly reliable, which is… me. I have run this site day in and day out for years. I am punctual, fastidious, I put my responsibilities ahead of all else (even turning down fun occasions because I need to work), and I will painstakingly work on perfecting something, finishing something, improving something, or polishing something (even when I’m bored). In short, I show up and do the work. And 3) the truth that Puff Secondaries have friends to stand up for them, because they have proven themselves reliable and trustworthy, is no joke. A few years ago, I had trouble with someone online and, without being asked, three of our mutual friends came to my defense. Proof of the Puff.

Lastly, Slytherin Secondaries are highly adaptable. It’s no problem for them to shift their approach given the needs of the situation. It’s the equivalent of a friend you admire, but who puzzles you (if you don’t share their Slytherin Secondary trait) because… it seems like they are a different person everywhere you go, because whatever is needed, they can become it. They are the person who has no trouble with change and no need to plan, because they just trust that it’s all going to work out fine, based on their ability to adapt. It’s the person who shows up at a friend’s birthday party expecting it to be formal, finds out it’s casual, sneaks into the bathroom to rearrange their attire, and emerges ready to play Twister. Or who will be serious with you, joke constantly with your brother, and behave like a saint around your mom, according to whatever works and appeals to you the best.

Hope some of that helps, though it wasn’t explicitly what you asked for. Best this ENFP can do, since in-depth sensory specific examples require a heck of a lot more Si than I’ve got. :P

[vampiregirl1797]

Remedies for Intense Headaches

Spencer Reid x Reader

GIF Not Mine.

Word Count: 2,726

Warnings: Mentions of headaches, but otherwise FLUFFFFFFF.

Click Here For Masterlist.

Summary: Spencer confides in Y/N and tells her about his headaches. She insists on him spending the night at her apartment so that she can share some remedies with him. 

I frowned as I noticed Spencer wince when Emily put her bag onto her desk with more force than usual. I could tell I wasn’t the only one who noticed the odd behaviour, as the concern on the female agents face wasn’t hard to decipher. They chatted for a few minutes before she excused herself and headed for the bathrooms. I walked over, careful not to make any sudden or loud movements that would startle the unusually jumpy agent. 

‘Hey Spence,’ I kept my voice soft, as to not be over heard.

‘Hey,’ he offered a weak smile before looking back down to the file in front of him.

‘What’s wrong?’ I asked, not seeing any point in beating around the bush; he could probably already tell what I was going to ask him anyway, and that was why he was avoiding my gaze.

‘Nothing.’ He said, attempting to sound dismissive, ‘I’m fine.’

‘You jumped when Emily put her bag down.’ I sighed, crouching down and resting my hand on his forearm in a comforting gesture, ‘I’ve literally never seen you react like that in the eight years I’ve known you.’

He looked down at where my hand rested on him, turning his arm and gripping my hand in his. His shoulders seemed to sag in both defeat and exhaustion as he replied in a low voice, ‘I’ve been getting these really intense headaches lately.’

‘Have you seen a doctor?’ My thumb moved in soothing circles on the back of his hand.

‘A few, none have been able to figure out what’s wrong.’ The fear in his voice made my heart hurt.

‘And you’re worried it’s a sign you’re developing schizophrenia.’ I voiced what he was trying not to say and he squeezed my hand gratefully.

‘I don’t know what to do.’ He sounded so vulnerable and lost that I couldn’t help but lean up and wrap my arms around his neck.

‘You’re putting too much energy into worrying about what may never be,’ I murmured into his neck, knowing he could hear me, ‘I can’t imagine what you’re going through, Reid but if that is what it is, there’s nothing you can do to prevent it. Either way, we’ll figure it out, you won’t be alone at any point. You know that, right?’

I heard the smile in his voice when he said, ‘I do.’ 

‘Good. Now, you’re staying over at my place tonight.’ I told him after we’d pulled apart, though my hand seemed to entwine with his by its own violation.

‘I am?’ He asked, amused.

‘You are.’ I confirmed, pleased he didn’t argue, ‘I’ve had issues with headaches in the past and because I love you, I’m willing to share my trade secrets in making them disappear.’

‘I don’t want to be any trouble.’ He ducked his head, preventing me from seeing the crimson that formed on his cheeks from hearing me say I loved him.

‘You’re not any trouble, Spence.’ I assured him, squeezing his hand until he looked up into my eyes, allowing him to see the sincerity in my eyes.

He opened his mouth to say something, but we were inevitably bought back to the reality of the situation when Hotch called for our presence in the conference room. He squeezed my hand once before he dropped it and offered me a quiet ‘thank you.’ I simply smiled in response, pleased he was taking my offer of help— as much as I loved him, the man had a stubborn streak a mile long when it came to “troubling” his friends. I hoped that some of my remedies would be able to help him, the dark circles under his eyes indicated that he was more exhausted than he let on, and I hated seeing him so run down. But I shook those thoughts from my mind and bought myself to focus on the current case— finding and locating Ian Doyles future victims.

//

It had been a long day, for us both, but I was determined to help Spencer with the intense headache he was clearly still suffering from. He was wearing his sunglasses as we made our way out of the building, the artificial lighting not helping his current situation, and he winced when a pair of particularly loud agents joined us in the elevator as we descended to the garage. When we reached the car, I turned the heat up and the radio off, internally grateful that my car windows were tinted, minimising the glare from the headlights of other cars and the streetlights lighting up nighttime in Quantico. 

As we walked into my apartment I fixed some left over pasta for Spencer to eat while I went to the bathroom to run him a bath in my clawfoot tub. Honestly, warm baths were my primary go to whenever I had a headache, the warm water, the silence and the smell of my favourite bath oils were kryptonite for migraines. Once the water was a comfortable temperature and I was sure I’d mixed in enough lavender oils, I added a vanilla and lavender bath bomb and lit some candles. I knew candlelight would be easier on his eyes rather than the iridescent light the bulbs in my bathroom provided. Once I’d lit a sufficient amount, I went to find my favourite agent. I shook my head with a smile when I found him drying the dishes he’d used for his dinner.

‘Spence, you didn’t have to do that.’ I told him, careful to keep my voice soft.

‘I don’t mind, and besides it’s the least I could do.’ He smiled, placing the now dry bowl into the cupboard where it lived.

‘You’re sweet.’ I told him, noticing the blush on his cheeks, despite the fact he ducked his head to hide it, ‘now come on and get yourself naked, Doctor. I have a nice relaxing bath waiting for you.’

His cheeks turned a deeper crimson, but he followed me to the bathroom and looking at the spa-like scene in amazement.

‘Did you know that a warm bath or warm shower is a popular headache remedy because the heat has the power to stop pain signals from travelling to the brain? The heat also increases blood flow, which is also helpful in soothing muscles.’ Spencer reeled off, unable to help himself from sharing the random bit of trivia.

‘Well, I didn’t know exactly how it worked, but relaxing baths have been in my arson for curing headaches for a long time.’ I smiled, happy to see him feeling well enough to share some information, ‘now you take as long as you need in here. When you’re ready to come out give me a shout and I’ll get the next stage ready.’

‘The next stage?’ He tried to ask, but I’d already quietly closed the bathroom door and moved to the living room. With a tired sigh, he started to undress, hoping Y/N’s remedy helped him at least a little.

//

An hour and a half had passed when Spence yelled to tell me he was ready to get out. I sprung up from the sofa, pulling my oversized hoodie over the shorts I’d changed into. 

‘Okay Spence, you dry off with one of the towels under the sink and give me five minutes!’ I replied, tossing his t-shirt, sweatpants and socks into the dryer. 

He’d actually left them here a few weeks ago when he’d spent the night for a Dr Who marathon. While I was waiting for them to warm up, I turned on the kettle and pulled out two mugs, adding a chamomile tea bag to each and adding the boiling water and a little honey when it boiled. I placed the mugs onto my bedside table and collected his now pleasantly warm night wear on my way back to the bathroom. I folded them up and opened the door just enough to pass him the clothes, once he took them I closed the door again and told him to come to my bedroom when he was dressed. 

It took him a few more minutes but he eventually shuffled into the room, looking more relaxed but I could tell from how he was still squinting a little that his headache hadn’t completely dissipated. I moved to the centre of my bed, placed a pillow on my lap and tossed the covers back.

‘Come and lie down, place your head in my lap.’ I murmured, being sure to keep my tone light and neutral, so he’d know I wasn’t ordering him and he had the freedom to refuse if he wasn’t comfortable.

‘What are you going to do?’ He asked, already moving into the position I’d requested before I could answer. I couldn’t help but smile a little, touched by his trust.

‘I’m going to give you a massage, hopefully ease your headache and the tension you’re carrying around with you.’ I told him, placing some moisturiser on my hands but pausing over his cheekbones, ‘if you want to stop, or you feel uncomfortable at any point, just let me know and I’ll stop immediately.’ 

‘Okay.’ He sighed, seeming to be relaxed already as his eyes fluttered shut. 

I smiled softy, placing my thumbs on his cheekbones and moving back towards his ears, and then up to his temples. The pressure started soft as I moved over the same trail again and again, but as the tension started to ease from him, I started to increase the pressure, happy as he continued to melt into my touch. 

‘Okay?’ I checked when I paused to add some more lotion to my hands.

‘Mhmm.’ He murmured back, his voice laced with sleep.

I bought my fingertips back to his face, moving over the same trail one more time before dipping to the back of his neck and starting to rub soothing circles with the same pressure I’d started out with on his face. When I added a little more force, he moaned quietly, his cheeks darkening in embarrassment, but when I didn’t comment and just continued, he didn’t say anything either. He didn’t moan again, but I could feel that was more out of him slipping into sleep, rather than him holding himself back. His breathing evened out and his body completely melted into the mattress, and my lap. I hadn’t planned on him falling asleep like this, but I wasn’t going to complain, either. He needed the sleep, and so I continued rubbing his neck for a few more minutes until I was sure he was really out, then I settled back into my headboard. One of my hands moved soothingly through Spencer’s soft hair, while the other picked up one of the mugs of tea up from my nightstand and sipped at the lukewarm beverage. 

When I was finished I felt a little tired, so I placed the empty mug back where I’d gotten it, and slid the neck pillow I kept attached to my headboard around my neck. I turned off my bedside lamp and allowed my eyes to flutter closed— the last thing I remembered thinking before I fell into unconsciousness was that I hoped Spencer woke feeling well rested and headache free.

//

When I woke up the next morning it took me a minute to remember why I was sleeping in the sitting up position, but when I did, my eyes fell into my lap where Spencer was still unconscious, looking more peaceful than I’d ever seen him. I was surprised he’d slept through the sound of my phone ringing, but I wasn’t going to complain if it meant he got a few more moments of rest.

‘Hello?’ I murmured, my fingers seeming to move through Spence’s hair with their own violation.

‘Y/N, we need you in, we found a new lead.’ Garcia yawned, and I found myself responding in kind.

‘Okay, no problem.’ I sighed, noticing it was a little after eight in the morning. That meant we’d gotten almost nine hours sleep.

‘Before you go, do you know where boy genius is? I called but I can’t seem to reach him.’ She said, sounding worried and I didn’t blame her— last time someone from the team didn't answer a call, it’d been when Hotch got attacked by Foyet.

‘Yeah, he’s here with me, he slept at my place last night. I’ll wake him up and we’ll be in soon.’ I assured her.

‘Thanks girl wonder.’ She said, hanging up the phone. I smiled and placed my phone back onto the nightstand, moving my hands to either side of Reid’s face.

‘Spence? It’s time to wake up Sweetie.’ I murmured, continuing when he started to stir, ‘come on, we have to head in, the team found a lead on Doyle.’

He rubbed his eyes and blinked up at me sleepily. He seemed to be confused for a moment before the morning fog cleared and I couldn’t help but think about how adorable he looked in that moment.

‘What time is it?’ He asked, his voice husky from sleep. 

I tried to ignore the shiver that slithered down my spine in response to that voice as I answered him, ‘a little after eight.’

‘I don’t want to get up. This is the first time in months that I haven’t woken up with a headache, and I’ve had a good, uninterrupted nights sleep in so long. I’m afraid facing reality will bring it all back.’ He told me, his eyes glittering with concern.

‘If it does, I’m more than happy to help you like I did last night.’ I assured him, my fingertips following the same path they had multiple times last night.

‘Thank you, Y/N.’ His hand came up to grasp my wrist, halting my movements and giving him the leverage to bring my hand to his mouth. He kissed my palm, his eyes not once straying from mine as he did. I felt my breath catch in my throat, at the gesture and the intensity in his cinnamon eyes.

‘I’m always here for you, Spence.’ I tried to sound confident and unaffected, but my voice came out as a whisper.

I felt him smile against my palm before he kissed me again, his hand then releasing mine to reach up and caress the side of my face. My eyes fluttered closed at his touch, a response I was powerless to stop. I didn’t know it, but my reaction paired with my actions the previous night, gave him the courage to ask me the one question he’d been trying to ask me for almost a year at that point.

‘Y/N, would you like to go on a date with me?’ His voice was soft and full of insecurity and uncertainty, and when my eyes opened I could see the same emotions mirrored in his beautiful eyes.

He seemed to hold his breath, to steel himself for the rejection he was seventy percent sure he would get. 

‘I’d love to.’ I answered, my own smile matching his for brightness and relief that this was finally happening. 

I leaned forward, his hand slid to the back of my skull to aid me in bringing my lips to his. The kiss was everything I’d ever dreamed of and more. His lips were soft as we moved together, tentative at first as we discovered each other in this new and intimate way. But then it deepened as the lust and passion took over, and when we reluctantly parted at the sound of Garcia texting for our ETA, we were both breathless, with matching swollen lips and dilated pupils. We shared a smile before we started to get ready to face the day, both of us practically walking on air as we basked in the feeling of our new blossoming love. 

As we entered the federal building and waited for the elevator that would bring us to the BAU, I couldn’t help but take a moment to appreciate how wonderful my life was in that moment. I had a job I loved, co-workers I saw as family, and now I had a blossoming romantic relationship with the mad I’d fallen for almost a year ago. I was so unbelievably lucky, and there wasn’t a moment that went by that I would let myself forget that.

A/N: This wasn’t a request, but I this came to me after watching Season 6, Episode 17, when Spencer tells Emily about his headaches. I wanted so badly to be able to help him and lo and behold, this imagine was born. I promise I’ll respond to more requests soon, but in the meantime I hope ya’ll enjoy this! 

[one-abuse-survivor]

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!

[weathergirl8]

Mental Health & the Pandemic Toll

Hi Fam,

It's no literal secret I'm struggling over here. My mental health has taken a considerable tank over the last year and is swirling in the toilet right now. My list of OCD rituals are almost 3 pages long and I'm pretty sure that's not even all of them. I've had multiple anxiety attacks in the last few months, my most recent a few weeks ago during my shift at work. My depression has so many ups and downs its terrifying. One minute I'm decent happy and feel like myself, then another day I'm ready to take a knife to my wrist just to alleviate the pain I'm feeling. I haven't acted out on my thoughts for the record, but it has come frighteningly close.

As of today, I have applied for short term disability and intermittent FMLA. Which I don't know if it means the same thing for my Non-American peeps. For me, that means I've gone down to part time, working roughly 20-22 hours a week, while disability (60% of my salary) makes up for the other 20 hours of my 40 hour weeks. I can do this for up to 28 weeks in a rolling 12 month calendar year. The first 2 weeks, I have to use PTO or unpaid time before the disability kicks in. Fingers crossed I am approved and able to take this time I desperately need. It will allow me to take a step back and get my head on straight so I can access my doctors appointments. Financially this is terrifying, but I'm praying I can swing it.

I called today to see where I was at on a waiting list to see a new therapist and psychiatrist. I'm number 163 on the waitlist, and they are currently on 123. So, I've got a ways.... however, I was able to get an appointment with the psychiatrist on April 6th in the afternoon. Small blessings...

While I await the waiting list, I was able to establish myself with someone from an online service. We have our first virtual appt tomorrow afternoon. Here's to hoping it works well until I can see someone. I've completely cut myself from my previous therapist as she was doing me more harm than good. It was astounding.

I look at the differences in the pictures below and feel mournful for the person I was a year ago. She was optimistic and not burdened by the issues that I carry today. I've always struggled with depression, anxiety and OCD. However, never to this magnitude. My primary physician told me at my appt last Friday that I was in rough shape and she wanted to know how I was still functioning enough to not be in the hospital. Patients with cases as serious as mine she said have left them unable to function.

I don't have an answer for her.

This is an exhausting struggle that tears me down EVERY SINGLE DAY. I guess I'm too stubborn. I don't know. That's probably why I'm going on FMLA.

This pandemic has been so unkind and vicious. I know I am not alone in my struggle, even if it feels like I am sometimes.

Some day this all has to get better...

I have so many WIP to finish, I have junior college graduation in May that I want to attend and walk across that stage. I have the final 2 to 3 years of my meteorology degree to finish. I know I have things to live for and I know I am cared for. It's just hard to remember those things when your mind is poisoning you and telling you otherwise.

Mental health needs to be talked about and it needs to be more accessible for help. This process has been significantly compounded by the fact that good mental health resources are so hard to find in my situation. It shouldn't be that way.

[opheliacassiopea]

CHAPTER 6.

TW: Mature language, mentions of alcohol consumption.

Flopping down on your sofa the next morning, you find yourself grinning at the thought of last night as you look through the many pictures that had been taken to document the events of the evening. You insisted on using your Polaroid camera to capture most of the evening, the walls of your apartment were littered with small snapshots of your life; the team, your friends outside of work, nature, anything that made you feel at peace. Your apartment, much like your appearance was how you expressed yourself and it was your sanctuary. 

Looking through the photos, Hotch plays on your mind. He looked good last night, so much so that you had to fight with yourself to stop stealing glances at him. You knew it was wrong to think about him like that, but it was nearly impossible when the man looked that good. Especially his hands, the prominent veins and the polished silver Rolex that sat on his wrist making him look even more attractive. Pulling out a photo of the both of you laughing at Spence’s attempts to beat Derek at a game of snooker, you think back to the conversation at the table.

“You did good, you did good, Pais”. ‘Pais’. Not Selwyn, not Paisley, Pais. As you repeated it, it sounded strange at first, or at least it did until you imagined Hotch being the one saying it and then it felt right. Did he realise the significance of giving you a nickname? The very word is defined as ‘a substitute for the proper name of a familiar person and often used to express affection, it is a form of endearment and amusement’. Surely he must have done, he wasn’t the type of person to do that sort of thing, something that..intimate. Plus, he knew you weren’t one for your name being shortened by just anybody. Was he trying to say something, to tell you something? Of course he isn’t you tell yourself, he’s your superior for God’s sake. Pushing thoughts of your boss to one side, you carried on about your weekend. Despite your plans not being thrilling, you were looking forward to them nonetheless. You had dedicated the time to catch up on much needed sleep and general self care and you were incredibly glad of the opportunity. Always valuing time to yourself, you couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed that the weekend vanished at a frightening pace. 

Flipping through the information brochure, you don't bother looking up at JJ who speaks to you “Spence tells me you’ve picked lecturing for the last module of your doctorate?”. The team, well you JJ, Prentiss, Morgan and Reid were currently sitting at the round table on your lunch hour, which was a rare occurrence with your schedules, you were nearly always working a case, or too swamped with paperwork. Garcia was hidden away in her lair doing who knows what, Rossi out for some fancy lunch and Hotch locked away in his office.

“Yeah, figured it couldn’t be too difficult and the genius himself has offered to help me prepare in the library so it seems like a win win if you ask me” you reply to her as you finally stop reading and look up at the faces around the table “what? It’s not like he’s writing my thesis, I’m just being resourceful and making the most of what's available, y’know?” you defend yourself, shrugging your shoulders.

“Oh so you’ll accept Reid's help, but not mine? You wound me pretty girl” Morgan teases, throwing an empty bottle at you, which you catch effortlessly and throw it into the bin, but not before you roll your eyes at him, sending him a cheeky smile as you do. 

Disconnecting herself from JJ’s embrace, Emily stands and crosses to you, picking up the brochure you were reading and scans over the information, before discarding it and spinning the chair you were sitting in toward her, clearly she could sense your apprehension. “You’ll do great Paisley, you’ll hit every inch of this criteria, I doubt you even need Reid’s help and besides, it’s not like you need another qualification to prove yourself, you’ve earned your place here” she tells you and you find that you have to force yourself to hold her gaze so you give nothing away.

One of the reasons you had multiple degrees was because on some level, you did feel the need to prove yourself, to prove you were doing something with your intellect and to prove that you did have a place on this team. Never did you want to be looked at as the baby FBI agent, who simply followed the others on the team like a shadow. On the other hand however, you genuinely loved learning and felt it was only natural to continue your studies to the highest level 

and you were proud of yourself for doing so, you’d come a long way since your childhood, but you didn’t want to dwell on that for long.  A few weeks pass and you soon find yourself sat in one of your favourite places; the older, dustier and lesser well known section of the bureau library, scanning over various notepads and books whilst feverishly typing at your laptop planning your first lecture. Looking across the table at Spencer, who kept true to his word and accompanied you to the library for assistance, you voice your initial plan for your first lecture in a few weeks. 

“I’m thinking of starting with nineteenth-century literature with the themes of crime and detection as a general focus and then work my way into psycho-linguistics with instances in literature, before moving on to case specific examples”. Whilst you held a close bond with Derek, you were good friends with Spencer too. The two of you would often hold mini academic debates between yourselves on the way home from a case, or on the phone in the early hours of the morning. From an outsider’s perspective it may look like something more, but that wasn’t the case, you genuinely just had a lot in common and it was nice to be able to watch Harry Potter over and over with somebody who gave no complaints. 

“What texts are you thinking of using? I personally think that Arthur Conan Doyle’s, Sherlock Holmes stories would be a fine choice. It’s more of an obvious one as the element of crime is incredibly apparent and the style of writing is fascinating on it’s own, so it would break the students in nicely I think.” Spencer reveals and you nod in agreement, returning to your typing.

The weekly sessions in the library seem nothing more than distant memories as you find yourself standing at the front of the lecture hall listening to Professor Moore’s introductions. You begin to wish you’d chosen a different final module. Why were you so nervous? You chased serial killers down on a day to day basis, surely you could give a lecture to a bunch of hopeful students for an hour?

“Much to your enjoyment, I will not be lecturing you for these next three months” Professor Moore informs her students in a lighthearted tone. You knew firsthand she was a good teacher and hoped her students didn’t expect too much from you. “This fine young woman will be taking over as part of the last module for her doctorate in criminology and psychology, so please be kind to her and don’t even think about any kind of tomfoolery in my absence, I will be dropping in and keeping in direct contact with Paisley so don’t think it will go unnoticed.” she looks at you and winks as she tells them “plus, she’s one hell of an FBI agent so she won’t tolerate it anyway”.

“Right well, thanks for that Professor. Uh, I’m Paisley and as you know I’ll be taking over for these next three months, hopefully you’ll find it as quick and painless as possible��� you tell them, hoping it will break some of the tension and it does, you find the students take to you well as you dive in to the job you’re there to do. “We’re going to start with looking at nineteenth-century literature through the themes of crime and detection. I know this isn’t the big stuff right away and I apologise for that, but I find it’s better to develop a general understanding of the topic first, before delving deeper.” you tell them as you begin to pace the lecture hall out of nervousness.

“This is the century which saw the creation of the Metropolitan Police Force in London, the birth of private and police detectives, and the rise of investigations into the psychology and social causes of crime. The genres of detective fiction and the dramatic monologue which both emerged during this period will be largely focused on, but we’ll also take a look into less frequently studied genres like journalism to give you a full flavour of the period’s insatiable taste for crime”. Switching to the next powerpoint slide, you take a breath and steady yourself, maybe this wasn’t so bad after all. 

“Fictional texts are studied in the context of contemporary debates about crime, policing, criminal responsibility and madness, including legal texts and those related to the emerging science of psychology. We will be studying the texts through genre theory and cultural and historical perspectives”. As you look out to the back of the lecture hall, you’re able to make out the familiar figure of Dr Spencer Reid. He’d taken one look at you that morning in the bullpen and knew how nervous you were; you’d paced back and forth to the break room countless times, drinking far more tea than usual and barely uttering a word to anybody as you fiddled with the two necklaces that always hung round your neck.

You bite back a smile and continue speaking to the students “indicative primary texts for the semester will consist of a selection of popular crime ballads and the dramatic monologues about murder and madness by Robert and Elizabeth Barrett Browning, along with a selection of Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories. It’s absolutely essential that you all keep up with the reading. And with that, I’ll leave it there for now. Don’t hesitate to contact me with any questions and I’ll see you all next time”. 

Watching the students disperse from the room, you breath out a long sigh of relief and throw yourself into a nearby chair and by the time you get back to the bullpen, Spencer is practically screaming at the top of his voice as he tells anybody that would listen about how well you’d done in the lecture, speaking in just the right tone to be authoritative, but relatable and approachable. In short, he was incredibly proud of you and pride radiated off every inch of him. 

Two months had now passed and much to your surprise, it had now become part of your daily routine that Hotch would sit on the chair beside your desk during your twenty minute break at eleven o’clock each morning. At the start of your break you’d always find a cup of tea, perfectly made on your desk and each day you’d find yourself smiling as you knew who it was from. If Hotch was in a particularly good mood, he’d surprise you with a vanilla milkshake and raspberry muffin like he had done that very first time. If the team hadn’t picked up on it at first, they definitely had now, but they chose not to say anything. 

Some days you’d talk in depth about all manner of things, whereas other days you would find yourselves both working away in a comforting silence. Today was one of his chattier days and he greeted you with a smile as he placed a mug of tea down for you, and a mug of coffee for himself. “You’ve never told me the story behind all these little cartoon frogs pinned to your noticeboard” he begins, tracing his fingers over them as he looks to you for an explanation.

“You never asked, I’m surprised you didn’t use those profiling skills of yours to figure it out” you reply in a joking manner as you set your mug down. “To answer your question though, Spence asked me what my favourite animal was when I first started and when I told him it was a frog, he started to draw me one for each month of the year to help me settle in. I’ve got one of them tattooed on my ankle, I’m surprised you’ve not noticed it” you finish telling him.

“Can I see it? The tattoo?” he asks and you notice the nervousness in his voice and it makes you smile, seeing him almost shy is so unnatural you’re not quite sure how to act. You comply, kicking off your doc martens and pulling your left trouser leg up to reveal the image of a frog wearing a hat, sat on the edge of a teacup. It’s not the most conventional tattoo in the world, but you love it nonetheless. “It’s very you, I’ll give you that” he tells you as he helps you back into your shoe. 

You share a small laugh and you begin to pick up a file, ready to get back to work as the break comes to an end and the team filter back into the room and head to their desks. It’s Prentiss who asks you first “how’re feeling about your final lecture next week, Miss almost Dr Selwyn?” as she maneuvers a huge stack of case files from one side of her desk to the other. 

“Pretty good I think, just want to find out who the assessor is and get it over and done with to be honest” you tell her as you begin looking for a case consult you’d lost in a stack of folders.

“Doesn’t Hotch normally assess some of the final modules? He used to guest lecture with Rossi and Gideon quite a lot” JJ asks as she collects a pile of completed files from the table. 

“Actually no, he stopped guest lecturing once Gideon..uh...left” Reid fills you in “he thought it took up too much of his time and it was more productive to focus on leading the unit”.

“Huh, well at least you know it won’t be Hotch” Emily tells you and you smile in response as you dial the internal number for a copy of the police report for the consult you were working on. The rest of the day passes easily as you work through your files, thankfully not being interrupted by a new case and the rest of the week sailed by smoothly.

This was it, the final week of your doctorate. You’d been allocated reduced duties to allow time for the final hand in of your thesis, along with the multitude of exams you had to complete and you now you just had your final assessed lecture to complete. Arriving slightly earlier than anticipated due to your nerves, you decide to busy yourself replying to emails at your desk in the relatively empty bullpen, mulling over the happenings over the past week in the process.

Hotch had been keeping his distance and you didn't have it in you to figure out why, you’d just presumed it was just work and left it at that. Realistically you had far too much to worry about; the past week had left you feeling the most stressed you’d felt in years. 

Shifting your gaze to Hotch’s office, you’re able to see him talking on the phone, eyebrows furrowed together and jaw clenched. Clearly he’s not in a good mood and you’re thankful you’ll be out of the office all day. Checking through your notes one last time before you make your way to the lecture hall to set up, Hotch’s voice alerts you to his presence, you’d been so caught up in going over your notes that you didn't notice him leave his office. “Don’t you have a lecture to teach, Selwyn?”.

Before you can even look at him, he’s turned his back and retreated to his office. Pushing through the glass doors, you furrow your brows in confusion; what was his problem? It was only on your arrival to the lecture hall that your nerves began to kick in, this was it, once you’d finished teaching this class, your doctorate would be complete. Beginning to set up the powerpoint slides and distributing the resources for the lecture you find yourself slipping into a state of calmness as you worked, you could do this and you could do it well. Treat it like a case briefing you told yourself. Ten minutes later students begin to file into their seats and you’re pleased to greet Professor Moore who’s acting as the assessment supervisor. Toward the end of the lecture, you noticed an extra body had slipped into one of the seats on the back row and you knew who it was instantly. Aaron Hotchner. You’ve got to be fucking joking. He’d spent the better part of a week avoiding you and when he did speak to you, it was mostly dismissive and now he had the gall to show up to your final assignment. Swallowing the urge to throw one of the bulky textbooks at him for his sheer nerve, you continue explaining your current point to the students. 

“We’ve already been over the idea that psycholinguistics is the study of how the psyche responds to words and languages and this is how it’s distinguished from sociolinguistics. One focuses on the social dimension of language, and it’s stylistic patterns, whereas the other focuses on the expressive functions of language”. 

You begin to bring the lecture to a close, but not before thanking the students for their patience and hard work throughout the semester and you’re quick to express your gratitude to the professor for all her help and support. And just like that it was over, you were done. Hastily, you start to pack away the resources from the lecture in order to avoid a conversation with Hotch, his dismissive attitude had annoyed you all week and you weren’t thrilled at the sight of him in your lecture after the way he’d spoken to you this morning. 

“Can I help you with something?” you ask him in a cold tone, your eyes focused on shoving your laptop in your bag as you wait for his response, but you don’t receive one. Scanning the room one last time for any of your belongings, you promptly turn on your heel and exit the room, ignoring his calls as you melt away into the sea of scurrying students.

Things between the two of you eventually returned to normal, you weren’t even sure what ‘it’ was at this point and you didn’t care to ask, you weren’t even sure that it was normal. Hotch didn’t do these kinds of things or so you thought, but you knew better than to question it. Recently the team had been pushed in all directions, working case after case with little to no breaks, so it came as no surprise to you that the month of your graduation arrived in no time at all, acting as the perfect distraction for you all.

Pulling the garment onto your body, you admired the satin fabric of the deep purple dress you’d chosen to wear that day, it’s strappy sleeves allowing the many tattoos that graced the upper

half of your left arm to be shown off, along with the low neckline displaying the delicate tattoos on your collarbones. Before slipping on your graduation cap and gown, you add the finishing touches to your makeup, deciding to go for more of a dramatic look, if there was a day to go all out, it was definitely today. Giving yourself the once over, you feel a bubble of nerves form in the pit of your stomach, today was the day you were graduating and whilst you were excited, you felt apprehensive. Now that you were about to graduate, the pressure to live up to your new title was immeasurable and you were keen not to disappoint.

“Miss Paisley Anora Selwyn”.

You stand as your name is called, focusing on not falling over in your heels as you walk across the stage to receive your doctorate. There were no words to sum up how you felt, the moment was indescribable and as you walked back to your seat, you could hear a chorus of cheers and shouts from the team who insisted on buying tickets to watch the ceremony and later celebrate at one of the slightly fancier bars in the area. Luckily you’d managed to talk Penelope down from doing anything over the top and she very reluctantly agreed, making you settle instead for a compromise that allowed her to buy you a extravagant gift instead. 

“Tonight we’re here to celebrate Dr Paisley Anora Selwyn, many many congratulations” Dave begins the toast and you inwardly cringe at the use of your middle name.

Midway through the pleasantries, you feel Hotch’s hand resting on your lower back and you resist the urge to turn and smile up at him, instead opting for shuffling closer, a slight blush creeping onto your cheeks as you do so.

“Dr Paisley Anora Selwyn” the team echo as they raise their glasses to you, all grinning from ear to ear.

As the night progresses, you lean back against the bar, taking stock of the day. It was hard to believe that only three months ago that you were sat up till the early hours of the morning studying, the end seeming to be miles away, and now you’d finally done it. That wasn’t the only thing on your mind though, much like usual, Hotch occupied your thoughts. All throughout the night there had been subtle touches, stolen glances, and silent conversations between the two of you, and you loved it. Appearing next to you at the bar, Hotch’s arm slips round your waist, pulling you closer into his side as he congratulates you.

“I’m proud of you, well done, Pais”. 

[hillbillyoracle]

Witchblr (for the Most Part) Doesn't Have the Gatekeeping Problem It Thinks It Does

I've been seeing this crop up in more and more posts, bios even - anti-gatekeeping statements. And I've tried to keep an open mind about it, to go "well maybe I'm just not seeing what they're talking about" but as I run into actual posts where gatekeeping is claimed, I'm really starting to think that Witchblr might not fully understand what the term means and why it's essential we don't adopt it from the groups who need it to articulate a very specific experience, one that Witchblr isn't capable of having just within itself as far as I can tell.

I don't know for a fact where the term originates but my first introduction to the term gatekeeping was through the trans community. A friend of mine was having to see a therapist, weekly, for 6 months, before she could get her therapist to write a letter that would enable a doctor to prescribe her the hormones she wanted to take. She'd researched them thoroughly, knew the risks and benefits very well, was fully consenting - but was being denied a substance vitally necessary to her mental, physical, social, and emotional well being.

Gatekeeping usually best describes folks who are not a part of a group getting to decide who is a part of said group. In this example, cis doctors and therapists getting to decide who is trans enough to access medical care they need. This is especially potent when other folks outside the group have easier access to the means than the group being gatekept. Such as when cis women have an easier time accessing HRT than trans women. That doesn't seem to mirror what I'm seeing in Witchblr posts where the word is used.

The power behind gatekeeping requires a level of organization that Witchblr as a community doesn't seem to have. And what's being denied are not things that are vital to folks' material well being but rather recognition and validation. I understand the confusion on some level. When forces with organized power deny folks validation and recognition, it often comes with the denial of material and social goods they need to survive. But the individuals out here writing their blogs largely cannot withhold what is vital and necessary to your continued existence. While we all do better with support, not everyone owes us that support and it requires an exchange to make it sustainable. Reading someone's work, even regularly, doesn't fit the bill. In my book, if you're in need of validation and support, you go to those people who already do or cultivate new reciprocal relationships with people who will.

The few cases where I've seen gatekeeping used to describe intracommunal affairs is in cases where the community is not equally privileged. And while there are a mix of privileged and marginalized folks in the Witchblr community, as far I can tell there's not a cohesive group that is considered more acceptable by folks outside of Witchblr who, through that acceptability, are shielded from the full weight of community specific oppression and ostracize less acceptable folks from collective resources to maintain that sheild. The closest I've seen to this (that isn't rooted in other intersections of identity) is that folks who who maintain a psychological view - "It's all in our heads but isn't that still real?" - of deities, magic, and divination seem to get a better reception than those who believe in other models and sometimes distance themselves from folks who believe otherwise but even then...doesn't quite fit the bill.

For internet communities in particular, I have a very hard time seeing the structures in place needed to enforce gatekeeping. Someone doesn't agree that you are [insert term]y enough for the [insert term] group they're personally a part of? Well there are likely a bunch more groups already established who would accept you. You also have the power to create, grow, and maintain your own. You have both resources and agency.

What I think Witchblr's usage of gatekeeping more often speaks to is many folks crave the validation of other people. They stake their worth and well being on disproving people. When someone says "you're not a witch if you don't do xyz" = they don't stop to think about what power that person has over their power or their practice. They just react. Someone is wrong on the internet and it's perceived as a threat.

Part of the issue is that Witchblr has a tendency toward projecting a practice rather than actually practicing. It's been my experience that when you spend more of your time doing your practice and you have a deep sense of your foundations - whether someone agrees with you or not quickly becomes irrelevant. What so many of the conversations on gatekeeping show me is that many folks do not have a strong enough foundation in what they believe and what they practice to understand who they are and what's relevant to them. They're filling that void with external validation.

Where Witchblr's "gatekeeping" usage becomes outright destructive or even dangerous is with it's continual insistence that people articulating positions well grounded in research and primary records are some how gatekeeping other people they don't agree with. Previous education does help but acting like every person who can defend their positions with source texts automatically has a degree or several is weirdly classist to me.

I went to rural schools the vast majority of my life. I have multiple learning disabilities, struggled hard, and never completed a college degree despite attempting twice. Money and my health stopped me. I was working class and now unemployed. I did not have internet at home for most of my adult life (and only part of my childhood). Like I am so close to the examples I see thrown around in these conversations and yet I have been told that by citing reliable sources that I'm elitist and classist.

Something we don't talk enough about as a community is that expertise has a lot less to do with privilege and a lot more to do with sacrifice. I chose to spend what free time I could practicing and researching. I could have spent that time watching Netflix, hanging out with friends, going hiking, etc. While it was also out of poverty, I chose not to accumulate things in my home that would take a lot of time to care for. I had a second hand hospital mattress on the floor and that was it - that was a sacrifice of comfort. I did not have a pet for the majority of the time I did my most intense studying so I could focus on my work - that was sacrifice. I did not have internet at home, largely because I couldn't afford it, but I embraced it as it created the ability to download a work at a public connection and take it home and sit with it deeply so that I couldn't reach out for other people's comments to filter it through. I only maintained romantic relationships that were low energy input and were thus less satisfying or close so that I could focus on my work - that was a sacrifice.

All this is to say - you don't see half the sacrifices people who have a level of expertise make. There's an assumption of ease where there absolutely should not be one. No one is asking you to sacrifice like that. No one is saying you're lesser for not making that sacrifice. What folks are saying is respect the sacrifices they made to get the knowledge they're trying to share with you. They're often trying to give you what they had to pay with a good chunk of their lives for. Take it or leave it, don't attack them. It is not gatekeeping to recognize that, where spirituality overlaps with history and other topics, there are correct answers that can be found if you look. That's just reality.

Also learning on your own is not the same as having access to an education or to the internet even. Our ancestors did not always have people to study from. Practices like spirit work, divination, and magic developed independently all over the world. There were plenty of interrupted lineages in there too. I think people forget that you can learn these skills through experimentation and observation. People literally can't keep you from this path of learning. Whether you choose to take it is up to you. Whether it's worth the sacrifice - only you can say.

So vast majority of ways I’m seeing people use the word gatekeeping just do not meet the criteria. Watering that word down robs it of it’s ability to name a very specific threat which is especially damaging to use trans folks who use it to call out medical discrimination. The vast majority of instances I see it used in are where someone is expressing an opinion. They may be wildly off base but as long as they’re not spreading truly harmful ideologies, they're entitled to it. Different opinions are not gatekeeping - they’re a natural part of any community and we have to have a level of tolerance for that. That discomfort you feel is an invitation to meet your shadow, understand your discomfort, and prioritize what actually moves your practice forward.

[mimzy-writing-online]

Hey!! I was wondering if you had any advice for a character concept I've been playing with? :) long story short, my character wasn't born blind, but throughout the story she progressively becomes blind from cataracts- cortical vision impairment to be exact. Is this inherently a bad concept? I really don't want to misrepresent this, and the last thing I want is to make people mad about it. Is there a way I should go about this? Thanks!!

Later message from same Anon: Hey! Just following up on my ask of writing a blind character in the Victorian era- sorry if I missed it

Note: in a message between the first and third, anon added that this story takes place in the Victorian era.

You certainly did not miss it, I’ve just been lazy (struggling) with blog maintenance and have been procrastinating answering several asks.  Historical fiction is out of my area of expertise, so this required more research than general advice.

Also, my first and second attempts at an answer were eaten away by computer/tumblr difficulties, so I had to rewrite a lot.

I think it is a fantastic idea to have your character go blind slowly over time. It is also ambitious, so it is something you need to be careful with, but it’s totally doable.

So the era throws me a little because I’ve never had much practice with historical fiction and history wasn’t a fave subject of mine. Most of my research into blind history has been after World War I, because the sudden surge of blinded veterans changed the course of history for the blind community. This and technology overall led to those huge changes.

So I did a little reading up on the recent evolutions of blindness and the world’s general understanding of it in the 1800s.

Conclusion: society was shit with disability, but I already knew that. There were some remarkable inventions and innovations for blindness in this century, which I will get to later.

 So this post will be: 1. The more personal aspects of going blind over time (instead of all at once) such as acceptance vs denial, life changes, and internalized ableism. 2. Speculating on society’s perception of the blind. 3. Innovations for the blind in that era and what comes after.

 So, part one. The Emotional…

As someone who has slowly lost vision over the course of years and has no idea how far this will progress, I can tell you that it’s an agonizing process of realization, denial, understanding, acceptance, adaption.

Realizing you’re going blind comes in small pieces that eventually add up to become a puzzle. And for this reason, adaption follows a similar pattern.

You identify a problem, feel conflicted about this change, wonder if you should ignore or investigate, and regardless of which path you take, you find a new way to adapt.

I’m going to use an example of my process through this, so you can see the actual thought patterns and how they circle between “this isn’t a problem” – “wait this is a problem” – “no I’m fine!” – “this is a problem.” – “I’m fine, what am I complaining for” – “I made this change and now my life is 100x easier??? Who knew? Why didn’t I do this sooner?”

Example from my life: Light is bright. That hurts but I’m fine. I get sunglasses. The pain with bright light is getting worse. Okay, that’s concerning, maybe I should talk to a doctor. Doctor says I’m fine but now I’m thinking I’m not okay. Why are my eyes doing this? Why do I hurt? Oh, and now bright lights at night are becoming a problem, and I get more headaches associated with light. I could wear sunglasses at night and indoors, but society has given me a negative and judgemental opinion of that, so I don’t want to do it. Best friend pushes me to give up on that negative view for the sake of my health. Finally I listen and life feels much better, but I’m still a little uncomfortable with this change. I feel very blind with my sunglasses, but that’s the only way to not feel pain. And now I feel blind when I’m not wearing any light protection, but I’m in pain this way. What’s wrong with me?

And this is just my internal argument with sunglasses and light sensitivity, from age 17-22. On the other side is my struggle with “do I need a cane” from age 21-22, which goes like this-

It’s August and I’m walking through a semi-familiar but gigantic and ridiculously crowded park with a group of friends. It’s bright out and I need to wear my sunglasses. And now I’m realizing there is a dilemma. I can’t see. My sunglasses are too dark to see. But going without is painful and just as bad vision wise. BUT I CAN’T SEE! I’m scared, I’m going to run into someone or something, I’ll get lost or separated from my friends and not be able to find them. I can’t see curbs or pillars or people and the only thing keeping me safe is holding onto K, who knows my current vision situation when no one else does

And I think to myself- this day would be so much easier if I had a cane.

But I haven’t needed one before, and I don’t ‘normally’ need one. Just every time I go outside on a sunny day. I don’t need it all the time, so I can’t have one, I’m fine.

But these things keep happening, where I’m outside and terrified but I think I’m still “sighted” and my only problem is some light sensitivity and not-super-great sunglasses. My glasses let me see 20/20 (or they did, which they did not a year later) so I definitely don’t need a cane at all.

Young past self, you were so wrong. You needed that.

Eventually I had a breaking point when one year later I’m seeing 20/50 with best correction (so, by legal definitions I’m not even visually impaired yet) but I’m terrified of leaving my house and can’t travel alone and am a literal danger to myself because I can’t see and can’t tell people I can’t see because of social anxiety and internalized ableism-

And the breaking point was that I finally got seriously hurt because I was in a situation where I couldn’t see and wasn’t brave enough to ask my current company to be a sighted guide. That’s the day I ordered a cane, and when it came two weeks ago, I finally remembered what it’s like to not be so terrified for my life every time I left my home.

Your character will over time find problems with her daily life that she didn’t have before, and she’ll deal with each one individually, but with all of them will usually be a repeating thought pattern that is unique to her. It depends on her internalized ableism and society’s ableism (and that era is full of it) and accommodations available to them at the time (also not great).

She’ll solve each problem at a different point that may coincide with other problems and yet still seem like entirely separate problems to them. Like how I wouldn’t relate my need for sunglasses and my need for a cane at the same time because they felt like separate battles to me with their own timelines and similar but still different thought processes.

You will have to decide on a case by case basis what accommodations or accessibility she can have at that time.

 Society’s view on blindness:

It’s shit.

It’s not great now, in the world of information available at your fingertips. It’s desperately worse in history.

 (TW: abuse of disabled people mentioned -thoroughly- in the next two paragraphs)

Everyone with a disability was treated like shit. Sensory disabilities (Deaf or Blind or Deafblind people) and mental illness were treated the worst. There is historical religious persecution against them, saying that they were made ill by the devil or a vengeful God. Which lead to abuse. They were seen as helpless or unproductive, defective, and so were treated as burdens upon their family and society. Because of this, abuse from parents and family members was horribly common for disabled people. Disabled people were often left in asylums by their family members because they were seen as a burden, where there was usually still more abuse to come.

There are still children with disabilities who are abused by their parents, families, care givers, or any facility they’ve been placed in. The cases of abuse are less, but by no means over.

 Ableism in general is just rampant and it’s only cured through the distribution of information. Most people (today) have never met a blind person in real life, had a conversation with one. Through the internet they can find information, but in pre-internet and media eras I can’t imagine how much ignorance runs about.

Most people think blindness is something that only happens with old age, birth defects, or tragic accidents. Or that blindness is obvious in a person. Not the case, as we both know, but certainly a cause for many misunderstandings.

 This section is where the development of technology and understanding of blind people begins, but there’s still some ugly history involving abuse of the disabled to come.

Technology and History

 (TW: abuse towards historical disabled people in next paragraph)

In 1785 the Institut National des Jeunes Aveugles, the world’s very first school for the blind was established in Paris, France. It was opened internationally to children who society had previously deemed unteachable. Valentin Haüy witnessed acts of bullying and cruelty done to blind hospice patients and it inspired him to attempt teaching a blind beggar. He taught the boy to read through raised letters (because Braille was not yet invented). The school he founded could better be described as a trade school, because its primary purpose was to teach work skills like letter press and weaving (going back to Valentin’s childhood, whose family worked as weavers)

Due to criminal activity (he was labeled as a terrorist related to the French Revolution and was a member of the Panthéon Club) he was forced to leave the school in 1802. He later moved to Russia (1806) and began a new school upon the request of Alexander I of Russia.

(TW: child abuse mention in next paragraph)

After his leave, the school had a change in leadership and location, and subsequently quality. Sébastien Guillié became the new director and was later forced to leave because of the inhumane conditions of the facility and welfare of the children. Those children lived in a French Revolution prison that was refurbished as an asylum/school for their education. It was cold and dirty. They were kept in the dark, only allowed to bathe once a month, and poorly fed. This went on until 1821 when he was forced to leave.

Louis Braille (the inventor of Braille) was a student of the school until Guillié’s reign of terror.

The school was later moved to Boulevard des Invalides, and it remains there today. Information with this school is hard for me to access. It doesn’t have the prettiest history, so I can only speculate how much was left out of the books to save the school, and what information I could access is in French.

However, back to Braille.

Braille was invented by Frenchman Louis Braille in 1824. Before his invention, he was taught to read through raised lettering, and he concluded that raised lettering was impractical because-

1.       It is difficult to read, the letters had to be printed in huge font to be fully felt out and printed on thick paper.

2.       Thick paper means higher quality, more expensive. Larger font means more paper is needed for a single text.

3.       This made it inaccessible due to expense and the sheer volume of a text.

4.       If today’s Braille books are hard to access and giant compared to traditional books, I can’t imagine how inaccessible those raised letter books really were

 Five years later The Perkins School for the Blind was founded in America, making education accessible to blind and deafblind children, and this time it focused on reading and mathematics, more education than trade school.

Though it would not have been possible for your character to attend the school herself, it could be possible that she became acquainted with a teacher or former student of either school, who might have passed on some O&M skills to her or some not so pleasant tales.

Side note: the Perkins Brailler (a typewriter machine for Braille) was developed by a wood working teacher at the Perkins School for the Blind – in 1951, so not applicable to your character’s time period, but I didn’t know this, so I must info-dump

 This is before the eugenics movement of 20th century America, when the belief that people with “poor breeding” should be prevented from breeding. The eugenics movement targeted not only the disabled, but lower class and people of color.

  The white cane as an accessibility tool was not “discovered” until the 1930’s by Philip Strong, who painted his walking stick white to make himself more visible. This piece of history is a little flimsy in my opinion. Techniques are discovered and lost and rediscovered all the time. You can’t prove he was the first person to “wave a stick” in front of him to find obstacles.

But he is credited for making the white cane something that could be a standard identifier to tell people (moving obstacles) “hey, I’m blind, don’t hit me with your loud vehicle” and made a movement of other people getting white canes to identify themselves.

I very much thank him for it, seeing as I’m so sighted-passing sometimes. If white canes weren’t standard everyone-must-know-what-this-means sort of thing, I think people would just watch me “wave a stick” around and think I’d lost my mind.

(TW: suicide of disabled character mention in next paragraph)

So when you see something like in Downton Abby (season 2) when Thomas and Sybil are trying to teach a blinded soldier how to use a cane to navigate… it could be possible, something that actually occurred to some people then. Although, now that I think about it, that character killed himself by the end of the episode and that still upsets me.

Downton Abby got the period-typical ableism right, I will give them that. Both the internalized ableism as well as how strangers treat you, they got that right. What they did to their disabled characters still bothers me (i.e. death and cure subplots)

(TW has been lifted, you made it past.)

But with World War 1, there was a huge number of blinded veterans entering the world and that did make way for big changes in the world of blindness-

Within a few decades guide dogs were being trained, white canes were becoming a thing, Schools for the Blind were thinking, “hey, maybe we should teach adults these skills too!” and life continued on until it eventually reached out modern world. Which, not applicable to your era, but I think it’s important to know what wasn’t available or common knowledge for your character.

If anyone has other information about historical fiction, the Victorian era, and historical ableism and disability, please feel free to reblog with your input and I’ll reblog it.

As always, this post can be found on my blog through the tags: reference, blind character, historical fiction

[honey-bri-books]

Creepy Old Guy (Trump or Joe?)

Even if people are like "But I don't like either of them..." Vote for Biden, and then in four years, we'll see where we're at. Businesses are boarding up windows, because they are anticipating unrest on election day. Someone posted how her work is closing for the day, cuz they don't feel safe (not local?, but still). Trump is the reason why some people are afraid of being greeted with guns at the polls. Vote Biden! 

If your main argument for dissing Biden is "He kisses children and women and grips them too tightly..." That has happened to me several times, from old white men (not even friends of mine, just loose acquaintances). And no one said anything to the white haired man (because he was always older with white hair or graying hair), because it's not nice to call them out on it. It's awkward and they mean well and technically they aren't sexually abusive or whatever. THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ME FOUR TIMES WITH THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Even my own relative, when I told him I had eczema on my hands, began to touch me all over "Oh really? You do?" I had to tell him to stop. There's an old man at the grocery store who likes to go up to customers and put a hand on their shoulder when he talks to them, and whisper "jokes" in their ear. But no-one complains, because of his age. 

People have been allowing old white men to behave this way for awhile. Now Biden does it, and all of a sudden people care?!?! The parents who were with their kids didn't say anything when Biden did it, cuz it's awkward and mean and he's old so it's mean to tell him to stop kissing kids? They probably tell their kids to be polite around him and the other old men in their lives. It’s not just Joe, it’s his generation. Not an excuse for his behavior, but can we make it a thing to tell someone, “Don’t behave this way.” so that people stop?

Biden, like all the other creepy old guys I know have been ENBABLED. He does need someone (close to him, like his wife and kids, or Kamala or Obama or whomever) to sit him down and talk about it and let him know how he's being inappropriate, but it's a little frustrating that people are throwing it against him constantly in social media and none of my creepy old guys will ever know, because it's not nice to call them out on it. It will hurt their feelings. 

OLD WHITE MEN: *Do not touch anyone without consent, if you are unfamiliar. You can have a conversation with someone without touching them.

*Do not kiss children on the lips. Especially if they are not your children or are grown up (teenage or older). 

*Don't kiss them anywhere but on the forehead or temple and even then, limit how often. Not every visit or conversation needs to end with a kiss.

*Do not feel a person's arms, neck, head and waist, when they say they are in physical pain or have a scar or whatever. Don't touch their hands, either. Believe it or not, you can't do anything about it, cuz you're not a doctor.

*Don't place a hand on someone's shoulder, when you want to talk. You don't have to.

But guess what? I voted Biden anyway. 

I wanted Warren, cuz I knew I wouldn't need to worry about this kind of crap, in her case. Trump has said in the past he wanted to date his daughter and wished he could cuz she's hot or whatever. So if you're going after Joe, you have to call Trump out on it, too. I voted for Warren in the primaries. But I voted for Joe in the presidential race/general election, because HE IS NOT TRUMP. Because he doesn't rag on Trump's family. Also, he's endorsed by so many celebrities, that it's almost embarrassing. Joe was not my first choice, but he is better than Trump. Using the pedo-card (which has been fact-checked to be false, I believe), is not a strong excuse to vote for Trump, considering the kind of man that Trump is. Unless you're insane, and think Biden’s gonna take your guns away. VOTE BIDEN! 💙🌊

[silenthillmutual]

horror/thriller movie recommendations based on your fave Danganronpa 1/2 character

the series in general: Saw (2004, dir. James Wan) - i can’t give much of a reasoning for this as i haven’t seen it but the “punishment fits the victim” trope appears to be a thing in Saw?

Makoto Naegi: It (2017, dir. Andres Muschietti) - as much about the power of friendship as it is about a fear beyond all others. the premise is probably relatively well known by now for the fact that there’s a big clown in it. content warnings: clowns, unsanitary, implied incest and csa.

Sayaka Maizono: Psycho (1960, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - this suggestion is an incredibly cheap shot, please forgive me. famous film, not sure if i can talk too much about the plotline without giving away the most important part.

Mukuro Ikusaba: Us (2019, dir. Jordan Peele) - doppelgangers show up to wreak havoc on an american family. themes of identity theft. much bloodier than Get Out. 

Leon Kuwata: Scream (1996, dir. Wes Craven) - admittedly haven’t seen this either yet. i know, i know, i’m a fake horror fan. but i know that it was made as a sort of tongue-in-cheek homage to the tropeyness of horror films, and i didn’t want to put any movie too blatantly humorous here. i thought this would fit Leon.

Chihiro Fujisaki: A Quiet Place (2018, dir. John Krasinski) - monsters that attack based on noise terrorize a family. most dialogue is delivered through sign language. also has a really touching family dynamic, especially between the father and his children.

Mondo Oowada: Pet Sematary (1989, dir. Mary Lambert) - haven’t seen this one either, whoops. all i know is it’s about, like, bringing people back from the dead or something, and that it’s based on a Stephen King book.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: The Stand (1994, dir. Mick Garris) - technically a miniseries, but i wasn’t really sure what other horror story fit him. it’s the world at the end in a final battle between good and evil, and nothing says Ultimate Moral Compass more than that to me.

Hifumi Yamada: Strangers on a Train (1951, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - the whole “i’ll do your murder if you do mine” kinda hits for chapter 3 i think. i also remember his hostage being his sister, so he’d probably like the relationship between Anne and Barbara.

Celes Ludenberg: Crimson Peak (2015, dir. Guillermo del Toro) - there’s a line the main character says that’s something to the effect of how she’d rather be like Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley because she died a widow? that’s Celescore. content warning: incest.

Sakura Oogami: Hereditary (2018, dir. Ari Aster) - both in the way that her dojo is a family business and in the themes of being afraid of hurting your loved ones. content warnings: child death, car accident, decapitation, possession, drug usage.

Toko Fukawa: Rebecca (1940, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - again haven’t watched or read the book on which it is based but the fact alone that it is based on a book? and it’s not directed by stanley kubrick’s book-ruining ass?

Byakuya Togami: Rope (1948, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - based on a play which itself was probably based loosely on the Leopold & Loeb case, it’s famous in part for its protagonists being gay. also they have superiority complexes and think that the privileged few should be allowed to murder inferior people because they’re above morality.

Yasuhiro Hagakure: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984, dir. Wes Craven) - i feel like this is closer to what his brand of horror would be, but also people not really believing that what’s happening is actually happening is kind of his m.o. too. content warning: i don’t remember if this is explicit in the original or not, but Freddy Krueger was a pedophile.

Aoi Asahina: Friday the 13th (1980, dir. Sean S. Cunningham) - again i just think this is closer to what Hina’s brand of horror would be, but also i feel like the summer camp aesthetic would be for her.

Kyouko Kirigiri: The Secret in Their Eyes (2009, dir. Juan Jose Campanella) - i don’t totally remember it but detective going off the rails trying to solve a rape & murder case. Very intense, but very good.

Junko Enoshima: Midsommar (2019, dir. Ari Aster) - gaslighting people into joining a death cult? yeah, that screams junko. content warnings: graphic suicide, drug usage, gaslighting, people on fire, nudity, sex.

Monokuma: Child’s Play (1988, dir. Tom Holland) - creepy toy carrying the soul of a murderer. still need to finish watching this one, other than “creepy doll” i don’t have anything to offer in the way of content warnings. 

Hajime Hinata: Get Out (2017, dir. Jordan Peele) - reluctant to go too much into details because i wouldn’t want to spoil the film for those who haven’t seen it, but the experiment done on Hajime vibes w this movie. content warning in that this film is about racism.

Twogami: Vertigo (1958, dir. Alfred Hitchcock) - too many details would give away spoilers but the identity theft theme of the film fits for a guy whose talent is in identity theft.

Teruteru Hanamura: Halloween (1978, dir. John Carpenter) - had a hard time thinking of a horror movie for Teruteru, but Halloween (and 80′s slashers in general) have a tendency to punish the horny.

Mahiru Koizumi: I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997, dir. Jim Gillespie) - would it be too much of a spoiler to say there’s similarities between this film & what gets Mahiru killed in-game?

Peko Pekoyama: The Purge (2013, dir. James DeMonaco) - people using masks to enact what they feel is justified revenge on the one day of the year when all crime is legal.

Hiyoko Saionji: The VVitch (2015, dir. Robert Eggers) - based on colonial-era folk tales about witches. very atmospheric, features the same kind of abusive slut-shaming verbal assaults Hiyoko hurls at others. content warning for briefly implied incest, some nudity, and parents being shitty.

Ibuki Mioda: Green Room (2015, dir. Jeremy Saulnier) - still need to see this one; punk band tries to survive to the end of the night after witnessing neo-nazis commit a murder.

Mikan Tsumiki: Carrie (1976, dir. Brian De Palma) - another film based on a stephen king novella, and also a pretty famous story. a longtime bullying & abuse victim starts to lose her shit after she begins developing telepathy. content warning for some nudity, fire, and an abusive mother.

Nekomaru Nidai: Les Yeux Sans Visage (1960, dir. Georges Franju) - wasn’t really sure where to go with him either, at first, and settled on body horror considering what happens to him later in-game. a doctor attempts to find a new face for his daughter after she is left disfigured from an accident. 

Gundham Tanaka: The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1921, dir. Robert Wiene) - a mad scientist claims his hypnotized ‘somnambulist’ can see into the future, including the deaths of carnival-goers. highly influential silent film, german expressionist so peak aesthetic.

Nagito Komaeda: The Silence of the Lambs (1991, dir. Jonathan Demme) - it’s probably well enough known for Hannibal the Cannibal being in it, but it’s worth noting he’s not the primary antagonist of the film. he is the most memorable part of it, and his psychoanalysis is what made me think of Komaeda. content warnings for gore, sexual harassment, referenced cannibalism, period-typical transphobia (period is the late 80s/early 90s).

Chiaki Nanami: V/H/S (2012, various directors) - a horror anthology film of found-footage type shorts, not shown in chronological order of events. i don’t really remember the contents enough for warnings, check at your own risk.

Akane Owari: The Blair Witch Project (1999, dirs. Eduardo Sanchez & Daniel Myrick) - don’t really have a good reason for this one other than “they all go feral, which Akane is seconds from doing at any given moment.” i think she’d dig it. no real content warnings to be had, the original found footage film.

Kazuichi Souda: Jaws (1975, dir. Stephen Spielberg) - i’m not even entirely sure i know what would make him like it, maybe just the mechanical shark? i think we all know this as the movie that made people double down on their hatred of sharks. i don’t particularly care for it, but it’s popular.

Sonia Nevermind: Perfume: Story of a Murderer (2006, dir. Tom Tykwer) - follows a would-be perfumer as he murders women in an attempt to create the perfect scent. in retrospect i probably should have picked something based on a real crime, but i still think she’d like this one.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu: M (1931, dir. Fritz Lang) - when the police fail to catch a serial child murderer, the criminal underworld steps up to take action into their own hands. fitting, no?

Usami: Trick ‘r Treat (2007, dir. Michael Doughtery) - another sort of anthology film that follows what happens to townsfolk when they don’t abide by Halloween traditions. i put it for Usami because i thought it was actually kind of cute, as far as horror films go.

[sonicfanj]

Sonic Ring Bond - A HISTORY OF THE GAMES HEREIN -

Here we are, a comprehensive history of the games that have taken place in the Sonic Ring Bond AU as well as the order in which they happened. This is a narration only story so I'm really hoping it isn't too dry of a read as there is a lot I include in here for understanding the AU that might be left out of other stories. It's also not overly detailed oriented except where characters who have Ring Bonds with Sonic are concerned. As it is more of a summation I tried to keep it short but there is a lot to cover as I squeeze in quite a few games from the Classic Era into the AU.

I hope everyone enjoys and I look forward to hearing all of your feedback and comments! Thank you so much everyone and I hope you enjoy...

Current Status: Done – Open Draft Draft No.: 2 Story Idea: SonicFanJ – Based on the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise Main Author: SonicFanJ Secondary Author(s): None Currently Story Expanding Author(s): Awaiting Pitches

Editors: None Currently – Open for Feedback Chapter Number: -- Chapter Title: -- Primary Chapter Author: SonicFanJ Secondary Chapter Author(s): None Currently Chapter Idea: SonicFanJ – Based on the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise 

Chapter Synopsis: In the Sonic Ring Bond AU the events of the games and the history around them differ to great degree and are addressed herein.

-----

BEFORE THE GAMES

     It all begins with the key to Chaos, the mysterious Rings. Brilliant loops of golden hue that spin into existence anywhere and everywhere dangling in the air waiting for any who can see them to collect them. And collected they are as the world is not one that can survive without them. With fifty gathered they can be converted into a one-way portal connecting any two points in all the world for a moment. With more Rings the greater in size and longer lasting the portal may become. Without these portals, these Ring Gates, civilization would collapse even further than it already has.

      For civilization to thrive, stability must be achieved, and stability was lost to the world in an event not recorded in history. What was lost though is all too visible to those who wander a world where landmasses may change every day, or even appear or vanish as spontaneously as the mysterious Rings. In such an unstable world the marvels of civilization shriveled and barely hung on to early industrialization and airships to seek out new lands. That industrialism was clung to though and no town or city was built without it being around the factories, mines, or other sources of industry they could manage. Cities built as dams along waterfalls fueled by the natural wonders, coal mining towns built entirely enveloped by the steam work pipes that fueled their cities and deep into those very mines, and whole towns built around tremendous windmills. But no city could last and had to be made to separate lest the shifting world tear them apart violently. Only by way of the Ring Gates could communities be connected, and some semblance of structure be brought to the world.

      There was one man though who sought to bring his own sense of stability and clung to technology like no other. His genius took him well beyond the simple early industry that the rest of the world clung to, their primitive airships as nothing before his crafts that could reach beyond the world, and the world at the mercy of his army of robots, machines none but he could truly make. That man was known as none other than Doctor Eggman, a would-be conqueror of the world and the chaos that gave it its ever-mutable form. But for all his mad ambition and the army of robots at his disposal, two things stood in his way to global conquest. The mysterious nature of the Rings and their affect on the world that reached even beyond his unmatched genius, and a simple sapient hedgehog adventurer known as Sonic the Hedgehog.

      From where the blue hedgehog hailed and when he first began his adventures was not known to any, but the name Sonic the hedgehog was known to all the world eventually. His fame was due in part both to his sonic boom inducing speed and that he could singlehandedly stand against Eggman and his ambitions.  His adventures and clashes with Eggman would not really become well chronicled though until the day he would end up saving a young fox vixen.

      Zooey was a simple girl living a simple life on a nondescript island when a conflict between Sonic and Dr. Eggman put her life in danger and changed it forever. It was a rush of danger and anxiety she had never felt before and would be glad to never feel again, but when it all settled down she found herself in the arms of Sonic the Hedgehog, and the island she called home having simply vanished as spontaneously as Rings would appear. Alone in the ocean with the hedgehog and his plane, Zooey had nowhere to go but wherever Sonic would take her. Where Sonic would take her though would also change his life in ways he never would have expected.

      Sonic was far from the only adventurer in the world, in fact adventures were a necessity for the world to function nearly as much so as Rings. Ring Gates were useless without a set coordinate for them to connect to and adventures made their living finding places for Established Ring Gates to always open to compared to the random nature of those formed from a gathering of fifty or so Rings. Finding resources, sites of historical relevance, and even before unknown whole communities made adventures and the companies that supported them a commodity of near unmatched value. Of these companies, Checkpoint was the largest and most famous due to having figured out how to make Ring Gates Beacons that could always return adventurers to one of their bases. So famous were they that even Sonic knew of them and was them that he took Zooey to.

      The idea was a simple one. In Checkpoint’s care should an adventurer stumble across Zooey’s home island in their adventures she could surely be returned home. But as Sonic was just as likely to stumble across it as well and Zooey desired to support him as he did so much for her already, they both became members of Checkpoint. Sonic did not believe his life would change all that much, but as Zooey became his agent representing him to parties that would hire adventurers or pay for information from their travels and also the mechanic for his red biplane, the Tornado, he became as well known for bringing her to Checkpoint as for his own adventures. Zooey was not content though to just be a mechanic for Sonic or even his agent and made herself one of Checkpoint’s go to engineers and researchers through her sheer force of will and determination. His growing fame as built by Zooey made Sonic uncomfortable and yearend to simply return to running through the vast and ever-changing world he called home. As it turned out though, he was not the only famous adventurer in Checkpoint.

 SEGASONIC THE HEDGEHOG

     Ancient ruins and remnants of a more advanced time or new communities and necessary resources were usually the greatest finds for most adventurers. That was not the case for one who considered his simply the beauty of the natural world. The stories of his discoveries of the most amazing and unusual of natural wonders caught Sonic’s attention and after checking out as many of those sights as he could he had to meet this adventurer for himself.

      Mighty the Armadillo was a simple soul, who cherished nature with all his being and enjoyed the quiet of his adventures as he soaked in the wonders that the natural world revealed to him on his travels. It seemed unlikely that so peaceful and relaxed of a fellow would find any camaraderie with the ever cheeky, thrill and challenge seeking Sonic, but as it turned out the two’s shared love of nature and adventure meant they had plenty of stories to tell and despite their differences became fast friends. But being a friend of Sonic’s meant being a target of Dr. Eggman.

      Sonic and Mighty spent a great deal of their time together sharing tales of their adventures and would frequently head out when parting in search of these wonders to see themselves. Eggman planning to take advantage of Mighty’s friendship with Sonic aimed to capture to the sapient armadillo to use as bait to lure Sonic to his trap ridden Eggman Island. What Eggman had not accounted for however was when he managed to capture both Mighty and Sonic by sheer luck. It didn’t matter to Eggman, as though he would have liked to crush Sonic before getting him to Eggman Island the island was full of traps meant to finish him off and with a hapless adventurer who was no match for Sonic surely the blue hedgehog would fall.

      There was a secret that Sonic had kept up to that point in his adventures and fame that he had no intention of sharing before. On Eggman Island though if he was to make sure Mighty were to survive as the traps began to wake, making even the cell that held them a death trap, Sonic would have to reveal his secret. There was barely any time however, and Mighty believing himself unsavable used his strength to pry open the bars to their cell so that Sonic at least might escape. Sonic was not one to leave his friends behind though and saw but a short way from the cell what he needed to save Mighty and acted perhaps with the same instinct that allowed him his secret.

      Dashing forward from the cell Sonic grabbed the first in a series of Rings and sprinted back to the cell as fast as he could. Mighty thought him mad and demanded that Sonic flee, but Sonic insisted he would not abandon him and pleaded with him to take hold of the Ring. Deciding it was the only way to make Sonic leave Mighty took hold of it with the intention to yank it from the hedgehog, but Sonic surprised him as the ring glowed and motes of light rose from it and swirled around Mighty. As the lights drifted into Mighty, he felt something become a part of him as the ring vanished. Looking at Sonic confused he was rewarded with a confident smirk and told to run. Taking Sonic’s words to heart Mighty ran like he never had before, finding himself possessed of Sonic’s speed, his own hard shell saving his hide many times over as he came to terms with his newfound speed. He wanted to understand what Sonic had done but Sonic refused to answer while they were still on Eggman island. Not intending to let Sonic wriggle his way out of answering Mighty forced himself to come to terms with Sonic’s speed and became not just a hostage in need of rescuing, but an irreplaceable ally in assuring he and Sonic both escaped Eggman Island.

      When they at last escaped, the island no longer even existed as Eggman detonated it in one last desperate bid to be rid of Sonic. Mighty wondered if Eggman had survived the blast and Sonic shrugged figuring he would encounter the mad doctor again. Before Sonic could make his own exit however Mighty held him to explaining why he was able to share with him his speed. Sonic tried to avoid explaining it and was extremely uncomfortable at its mention, but eventually Mighty’s persistence paid off. Sonic explained to him that he could use Rings to form a Ring Bond between him and something else of his choosing. At the cost of the Ring, anything connected to him by that Ring Bond he could share his abilities with. For Mighty, he granted him his speed. Mighty was so impressed by this and could only marvel of all that he could see of the world now with Sonic’s speed and wanted to show Sonic everything he had not yet shown him in way of gratitude. Sonic waved him off however, warning him that he should not try to rely on it too much as he was fairly sure that the affects were temporary. He could not say for sure though having not used his unique Ring Bond ability with another sapient being before. Still wanting to pay Sonic back regardless though as Mighty planned to cherish Sonic’s speed for as long as it lasted, he told him of how to reach Never Lake so that he might see the yearly appearance of the Miracle Planet, Little Planet. Sonic played it chill and said he’d figured he’d see it if he was in the area and headed on his way leaving Mighty to muse what the hedgehog’s next adventure would be before he sought his next.

 SONIC CD

     Mighty was not the only adventurer inspired by Sonic and his stories and there was one would be adventurer who would find her way into Sonic’s life. A pink hedgehog girl named Amy Rose had heard of Sonic and yearned to go on adventures of her own, inspired by her blue hero. But for all her desire such adventures as Sonic’s were well beyond her own abilities. Her most standout ability in fact seemed unlikely to others to allow her to enjoy adventures, but through her knack for fortune telling, Amy was quite the resident treasure tracker. Such little adventures rarely satisfied the hedgehog girl who yearned for more but more came in an unexpected form for her. It was not her cards or other fortune telling paraphernalia that offered her the adventures she yearned for, but rather an infamous treasure hunting scoundrel known as Fang the Sniper.

      During his own travels, Fang had heard of a hedgehog girl who could find any treasure by way of her fortune telling and being down on his luck at the time sought her out feeling he had nothing to lose. When he had a chance to watch her in action though it suddenly seemed like he had everything to gain. Smuggling her away from her home seemed like it would be his biggest challenge, but it turned out her big heart and wanderlust made her naïve and easily manipulated. Soon enough Fang was on the road with Amy at his side and she proved invaluable to him in making himself quite successful as a treasure hunter. Amy herself he took to calling Rosy due to her perpetually cheery and optimistic outlook and she embraced the name joyously. She was not even bothered by how her playful nature and traveling with Fang resulted in others calling her a rascal. Rosy the Rascal was enjoying her life of adventure with Fang too much to care and embraced the name that marked her as an adventurer.

      The adventures of Fang and Rosy were not meant to last forever however as there was one detail about Rosy and her fortune telling that he was not aware. For Rosy, the will of her cards was absolute and if they gave her an order she would follow without hesitation. Thus, when the fateful day came that her cards told her to make for Never Lake, Rosy parted ways with Fang naively believing he would understand her striking out on her own even if she didn’t wake him to let him know. She also had little idea that she would not be returning to his side after her journey or what the fateful encounter her cards spoke of would be though she hoped it would be a meeting with her hero, Sonic. When she made it to Never Lake though she was amazed by the sight of Little Planet hanging in the sky and had to make her way up to it to satisfy her curiosity. Fortunately for her, Eggman had already taken to the Miracle Planet and had chained it down which provided her a rather dangerous but viable way to the surface of the small planet. She did not really need it though as she possessed at the time a flying carpet that she had found and kept secret while with Fang that she rode up to the tiny planet. Such a mystical artifact she thought would be too dangerous to let others know about, but promptly lost it when the gravity of the two worlds switched on her leaving her stranded on a strange though similar world. Stranded that was until Sonic the Hedgehog came along and interrupted Eggman’s plans to make use of another mystical artifact.

      The Chaos Emeralds were rumored to be the condensed energies of the planet given the form of seven precious gemstones. They were things of mere legend, but those legends made them the greatest of treasures should one ever find them. But there was little to any proof of their existence beyond the odd fragment of some long-lost ancient civilization and there was no way to seek them out. Conversely, Little Planet was itself a miracle that appeared without fail every year for one month above Never Lake. The nature of the Miracle Planet kept others away from it lest they become as lost in time as in the more tangible world due to the Time Stones, mystical artifacts said to unlock the flow of time. It was these artifacts that Eggman sought hoping to unlike time itself and finally conquer the world. It was a different legend of Little Planet however that lured Sonic to the Miracle Planet, one of being able to travel through time if they could just get fast enough.

      Though Sonic was not expecting the presence of Eggman, Eggman was expecting the arrival of Sonic and had long since planned for his arrival. While trying to get a firm grasp on the way Little Planet functioned he had found his way to a possible future of the world and mixed it’s advance science with his own genius to create his most advanced robot ever, one he modeled after Sonic himself. Metal Sonic. As advanced as Metal Sonic was even with how deft Eggman’s genius was to make such easy use of such advanced technology, the robot was barely more than a mannequin attached to a jet engine. Proud as Eggman was he did not desire to waste his greatest creation so willy-nilly and needed a plan to force Sonic to take on Metal Sonic’s full capabilities.

      The opportunity arrived with yet a new hostage situation to create as Sonic was held up after thrashing Eggman’s latest Egg Mobile modification by Rosy as she absolutely fangirled over him, even accidently telling him her actual name instead of her beloved adventurer name in her excitement. Seeing the scene Eggman was all too gleeful to assist Sonic with his girl problems and sent out Metal Sonic to capture Rosy. In his surprise at the machine’s debut Sonic failed to protect Rosy as she was abducted by his robotic doppelganger. For her part though Rosy was more upset and brattier about her capture preventing her from talking to Sonic more than being abducted. She had believed herself so close to talking Sonic into letting her go adventuring with him, but the requirements for such were well beyond her and if Sonic had his way would have stayed as such. But Eggman was if anything a sinister man who was using Little Planet’s very life force to power his robots and made life difficult for Sonic almost as though it were his preferred hobby.

      For the most part Rosy’s time on Little Planet was spent tied up and helpless to do anything as she waited for Sonic to rescue her. As Eggman was causing Sonic endless trouble her wait would be far longer than she would like and only further drawn out as Sonic fought to remove Eggman’s influence from Little Planet and assure the safety of the Time Stones. Eventually though Sonic would arrive on the futuristic highway to the heart of Eggman’s base with Rosy waiting for him at its end and Metal Sonic at its start. Eggman made sure to involve himself as well, no longer sure if Metal Sonic could win the race he had planned after Sonic had removed his influence from the Miracle Planet and set about destroying the highway towards his fortress as Sonic raced Metal to get to Rosy. Despite Metal Sonic’s best efforts though it could not stop Sonic from reaching Eggman’s fortress and appeared to be destroyed as Sonic just made it inside and was faced with the problem named Rosy.

      Elated was an apt description for Rosy’s temperament when Sonic rescued her, but he could not shake his concerns. The highway he raced against Metal Sonic on was completely destroyed and there was no other way to proceed except into the heart of Eggman’s Fortress. Sonic suspected it would be every bit as trap ridden and life threatening as Eggman Island had been and suddenly having an under experienced and excitable wannabe adventurer to deal with he found himself facing another dreadful situation. It was obvious she did not come from Little Planet and he would have to take him with her, which was what she wanted anyway, but there was no way he could deal with an Eggman fortress and keep her safe. He was going to have to work double time as it was and he dreaded the idea, especially with how excitable Rosy was. But he had no reason to make himself work even harder and made the decision to grant her the most precious gift of her entire life.

      The Ring Bond only granted Rosy Sonic’s speed and to say she was clumsy with it would be an understatement. She struggled and struggled and as Sonic suspected he would have to work double time just to clear a path for her. He still got well ahead of her though and it was only as Eggman was forced to retreat and his last base on Little Planet began to collapse did Rosy catch up. Knowing there was no way she would get out on her own Sonic grabbed her and climbed the debris from the explosions of the base being sure to chase Eggman as he rode the explosions until they fell back into the gravity of their own world. Leaving Rosy were they landed figuring since she got to Never Lake on her own that she could get home just fine, Sonic chased after Dr. Eggman and knocked him out of the sky before getting distracted by Little Planet’s departure. To Sonic’s amazement all the time traveling shenanigans he went through facing Dr. Eggman resulted in him returning home just in time for Little Planet’s one-month appearance to end. Guessing Zooey would be livid with him for being out of touch for so long Sonic headed off to check in with Checkpoint and find out what he had missed while he was away.

 TAILS ADVENTURE

     As it turned out, the world had grown more peaceful in Sonic’s absence as with Eggman on Little Planet from the viewpoint of a month to the rest of the world the mad doctor did not actively threaten the world. That is not to say that there were no threats as the sky pirates known as the Battle Kukku Armada thought to rise to the occasion. Naturally though they desired loot and prestige above all else and when they learned of rumors that the legendary Chaos Emeralds might be on Cocoa Island, they held nothing back in their assault. On this island though lived a young fox boy named Miles Prower who was yet another soul enamored with stories of Sonic the Hedgehog. He was not like other’s though as he possessed a pair of twin tails with which he could fly and challenge the air superiority of the Battle Kukku Armada. Had it just been Miles’ flight at his disposal though he would have never stood victorious against them, but Tails was a tinkering genius and managed to turn the Battle Kukku’s own fleet against them. The efforts of the battle Kukku Armada to conquer Cocoa Island in search of the Chaos Emerald ended with most of their fleet of airships left burning in the ocean. It was a huge confidence boost for young Miles Prower and he believed he could become a great adventurer and hero like Sonic and set out on his own adventures. But the young fox boy was far from the news that the Battle Kukku Armada’s defeat was.

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG

     Though he considered the Battle Kukku Armada pitiful, Eggman did have his curiosity piqued by the fact that anyone would believe the Chaos Emeralds were real. If they truly were real however, they would be wasted on sky pirate simpletons. A true genius such as himself on the other hand could use them to at last conquer the world. First of course he would need to find them and set about doing exactly that, eventually settling on a strange island that floated freely through the seas known as South Island. Descending upon the peculiar island Eggman immediately set up base and began his search for the Chaos Emeralds. Believing Sonic would soon come to interfere he went about capturing the local fauna and shoving them into robots whole subjugating all other members of the populace. Before he finished however, he was distracted by the unexpected arrival of Sonic far earlier than he anticipated. The only thing was it was a Sonic of his making.

      Unbeknown to Eggman, back on Little Planet when Sonic made his Ring Bond with Rosy that it had an effect on Metal Sonic. Now the Sonic double had managed to return at last to its master after managing to just escape Little Planet and was in desperate need of repairs. Eggman was in the midst of conquering South Island however and only paid Metal Sonic the slightest of heed, at least until Sonic finally arrived. Called to the island by rumors of Eggman’s antics just as expected, Sonic was shocked and appalled when Eggman revealed his latest scheme to off the hedgehog and set about trying to save South Island from Eggman. It was the arrival of Fang however, going by Nack the Weasel at the time, that set events in motion as his eavesdropped confrontation with Sonic revealed that Rosy had gained Sonic’s speed somehow and had started about on her own adventures costing him his precious treasure tracker. Eggman was rather curious and as Fang planned to claim the Chaos Emeralds for himself as compensation for what Sonic cost him, Eggman repaired Metal Sonic and sent him out as both a distraction and an experiment. It would not be until Sonic won the race for the Chaos Emeralds and bested Eggman again though that Eggman would see his direction set as Sonic forged a Ring Bond with the Chaos Emeralds and removed Eggman’s influence from South Island. Seeing their power and the affect they had on Metal Sonic, Eggman knew he had to have them and understanding of the Ring Bond. To that end he set about putting his grand plan into effect as he repaired Metal Sonic yet again.

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 2

     If it was timing or fate was unknown, but the beginning of Eggman’s master plan would coincide with Sonic’s arrival on West Side Island, a place like South Island where the Choas Emeralds could be plucked from between dimensions. Sonic, like Eggman, was aware of the legends of an ancient civilization that had abused the power of the Chaos Emeralds and had been destroyed by the gods in the end. Unlike Eggman though, Sonic was not there for them and was simply taking a break from his last adventure. It would not be as enjoyable a break as he would have preferred as Miles Prower had also found his way to West Side Island. The legends of the Chaos Emeralds intrigued him after his battle with the Battle Kukku Armada and he was lured to their mystery like many treasure hunters and adventurers before him. He had no idea though that he would meet his hero, Sonic the Hedgehog on West Side island though.

      It was less so a meeting at first though and mainly Miles’ just chasing after Sonic, using his two tails to keep up with him. He was too shy to approach a legend such as Sonic however and avoided direct contact with him. Sonic was unamused by Miles’ antics but saw no harm in it and thus ignored him for the most part. Miles would not actually meet Sonic until a day when he found Sonic’s plane on a beach and marveled at the machine. It was a simple biplane, but it was vastly superior aircraft to most airships in use around the world and Miles fell in love with it. That Sonic was sleeping beside it that day when Eggman’s latest scheme announced itself allowed Miles to chase after Sonic as the hedgehog sprang into action to stop Eggman’s latest plan. Suddenly though, the fox boy who Sonic nicknamed Tails for how he trained himself to reach near speed of sound ground speeds using his tails was more than just annoying. His victory over the Battle Kukku Armada and desire to be a hero like Sonic meant he was more trouble than either Mighty or Rosy had been in the fact that he believed he could actually contribute to stopping Eggman.

      Tails’ hope was to impress Sonic in the unlikely event that he ever met him with his ability to match his speeds using his tails, but Sonic was more worried than impressed when it came to dealing with Eggman. In his presence the fox’s confidence surged and due to his speed Sonic could not just leave him behind for his own safety. But there was no way he could expect Tails to hold his own against Eggman’s machines designed to stop him and he could not chase off the stubborn fox either. Feeling pressured by the urgency of the situation and not wanting to see Tails hurt or worse, Sonic made the decision to make a Ring Bond with him granting him the abilities he would need to survive. Tails took to them far better than that though and was almost as natural in their use as Sonic was turning him from a liability to a great aid in stopping Eggman’s plans on West Side Island and gathering the seven Chaos Emeralds. But even then, he could not keep up with Sonic as the battle against Eggman heated up. Even modifying Sonic’s plane with a rocket to try and catch back up as Eggman’s airship deployed the rocket for his departure for the Death Egg was not enough even as it made him more valuable as a partner to Sonic.

      On the Death Egg Sonic walked right into Eggman’s trap and plans for Metal Sonic as he was pitted against a much clunkier robot double of himself than the one he faced before. Though clunkier, it was fully designed for combat and was called Mecha Sonic Mk. I, and like the space station it awaited Sonic on it continued to elevate Eggman’s technology well beyond the rest of the world below. Sonic knew he had to stop Eggman now more than ever and after besting Mecha Sonic, and providing more raw data for Metal Sonic’s upgrades, he faced off against Eggman. Seeing Eggman’s genius and might firsthand Sonic took a gamble and bet on the Chaos Emeralds to undo the space fortress as he had Eggman’s influence on South Island. As before he created a Ring Bond with the emeralds, but unlike before this time they granted him power and transformed him into Super Sonic. Using the powers of the Emeralds Sonic defeated Eggman and returned to the world below believing the space station destroyed.

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 3 & KNUCKLES

     With the Death Egg seemingly destroyed, Sonic allowed himself a few days rest. Tails, amazed by Sonic’s extraordinary feats, spent those days rummaging through the remains of Eggman’s bases on West Side Island to see what the mad scientist had dug up on the Chaos Emeralds. Tinkering around with what he found, Tails was able to put together a Chaos Emerald tracker and picked up a signal from the middle of the ocean. He could not understand what was going on as he knew that Sonic had the Chaos Emeralds. Wanting to understand he sought out Sonic who was thinking about legends and being enticed into his next adventure. A massive tidal wave had washed up an ancient ring on the beach where Sonic was resting and the marking on it made him think about the legend of the Floating Island. When Tails presented him the readings and realized they were situated in the epicenter of the tidal wave Sonic was sure their next adventure together had just begun.

      What Sonic and Tails were oblivious to though was the nature of Angel Island as the home of the Master Emerald, the controller of the Chaos Emeralds and a treasure pulled from the world by the gods. The tidal wave which lured them there was it being pushed into the ocean by the Death Egg, not as destroyed as Sonic thought, crash landing on it. Eggman was ever the quick thinker and when he encountered the Guardian of the Master Emerald and Chaos Emeralds, Knuckles the Echidna, with a quick lie about researching what the guardian believed to be the egg of the Legendary Dragon he set him on Sonic. It was an easy task as Sonic was currently in possession of the Chaos Emeralds which Knuckles was enraged to have found missing. Even when Knuckles broke Sonic’s Ring bond with the Emeralds and retrieved them as was his duty, Eggman doubted he would prove a worthy adversary for Sonic and took his combat data from Mecha Sonic Mk. I to start work on the more advanced Mk. II. Eggman was vastly underestimating Knuckles as he was not aware yet of the Master Emerald or the nature of the role bestowed upon Knuckles. Ingrained with the history of his people as much as the island itself as well as wisdom from the Master Emerald and powers to rival Sonic’s own, he proved a far greater ally than Eggman had planned. Sonic’s instincts told him there was more going on than met the eye however and braced himself to face this latest challenge and a challenge it was.

      The battle for Angel Island was unlike any other as Sonic found himself having to restore his Ring Bond with the Chaos Emeralds to prevent Eggman from obtaining them, fend off Knuckles and try to educate him about what was actually going on, and prevent the launch of the Death Egg. Despite his best efforts and a number of close calls, Sonic failed at every turn. He could not convince Knuckles of the truth until he failed to prevent Eggman from stealing the Master Emerald, making his efforts restoring his Ring Bond with the Chaos Emeralds almost  meaningless, after Eggman managed on his second attempt to successfully launch the Death Egg. Even giving it his all, with Tails falling behind during the first launch attempt of the Death Egg, was not enough to stop Eggman. Eggman was ever cautious when dealing with Sonic however and made sure to deploy Mecha Sonic Mk. II to make sure Sonic stayed behind. And Eggman was right to be worried about Sonic.

      After the failed first attempt to launch the Death Egg, Sonic had inadvertently learned the truth of Knuckles’ true role and duty as the Guardian of the Master Emerald. Having failed to convince him with words that he was not his enemy, Sonic settled on action and set about restoring the link between the Master Emerald and the Chaos Emeralds. It proved a wasted effort in convincing Knuckles who finally realized the error of his ways only after he failed to stop Eggman, but when Knuckles opened the path for Sonic to Sky Sanctuary to make one last desperate bid to stop Eggman, the power of the fully restored Chaos Emeralds granted him nigh full control of his powers as Super Sonic. After besting the far more impressive Mecha Sonic Mk. II that control allowed Sonic to reach the Death Egg and begin systematically tearing it apart once and for all. Eggman did not go down without a fight, even when he was forced to retreat into space with the Master Emerald. Sonic did not relent however, and after one of the most difficult battles he ever had against Eggman, he finally stood victorious.

      Eggman’s influence on Angel Island was not so short lived however, and even after Sonic returned the Master Emerald to Knuckles and left with Tails he was worried for the echidna. Finally parting ways with Tails, Sonic took his plane and flew off in pursuit of Angel Island which had returned to the clouds. It proved fortunate for Knuckles that he did as well as his battles to purge Angel Island of Eggman’s robots concluded in a battle with Mecha Sonic Mk. II who had learned how to tap into the Master Emerald after seeing Sonic ascend to the Death Egg. While Knuckles won the battle, he would have plummeted to his death leaving the Master Emerald to sink into the ocean undefended had Sonic not arrived in time to catch him on the wings of his plane. It was a surprise Knuckles was unprepared for, but it solidified his eternal gratitude of Sonic’s actions. It also left him wary of the world below however as if Sonic was so affected by the Master Emerald as to come back while it was still in need, then unquestionably the world would be affected as well. What he did not expect though was that Eggman would get involved again.

[KNUCKLES] CHAOTIX

     It should not have been a surprise that Eggman had managed to survive his last battle with Sonic. The mad scientist was tenacious if anything, and so was his creation Metal Sonic. Though Mecha Sonic Mk. II was not Metal Sonic, it was built as a continued effort to convert Metal Sonic into Eggman’s greatest invention and had survived it’s defeat at Knuckles hands intact enough for Eggman to recover the data from it. The data he discovered revealed to him the Ring Bond and at last explained to Eggman the changes in Metal Sonic. He did not understand how it worked at all but was determined to understand it and Rings themselves. When an island began to rise out of the ocean in response to the Master Emerald’s time on the surface he was thrilled, even more so when the nameless island revealed itself to be possessed of the remnants of the ancient civilization once destroyed by their misuse of the Chaos Emeralds. With each new discovery Eggman grew more and more thrilled, especially when he learned that Rings could access the Master Emerald directly and that in the space between dimensions where there was once a connection to the Master Emerald there now resided the Chaos Rings. These strange rings were infused with lost Chaos Energy born from long lost Ring Bonds between the Chaos Emeralds and the Master Emerald and would become the basis of Eggman’s research into Rings and his attempt to create his own, the Dark Ring. But he still needed to study the Ring Bond if he was going to link everything together and remembered Mighty, Rosy, and Tails all possessing Sonic’s abilities. Gleefully pursuing his latest scheme, Eggman lured the three adventurers to the base he made on the nameless island and worked away in the belief that Sonic would have no clue and would fail to stop him. He did not account for a different interloper though.

      Watching the whole time from Angel Island, Knuckles was aware that something was amiss. An island rising from the ocean in the ever-changing world they called home was nothing of interest to Knuckles as he watched the world for signs of the Master Emerald’s influence, but Eggman’s interest in it certainly was. When the Master Emerald started reacting to the waking of the Chaos Rings and Eggman’s attempts to make the Dark Ring Knuckles knew it was time to act and descended from Angel Island to the nameless island. His timing could not have been better either as he arrived in time to prevent the capture of the three adventurers who all shared a Ring Bond with Sonic. He had no idea what fate Eggman had planned for them, but they were grateful for their rescue and two of them, Tails who he had met before and the hedgehog girl named Rosy, wanted to help him with his reason for being there. The last Ring Bound adventurer though was far wearier and more concerned for Tails and Rosy, especially when he recognized Tails’ unnatural abilities that could have only come from a hedgehog and rightly guessed that he had a Ring Bond.

      Mighty may have been concerned for Tails and Rosy, but they were stubborn, and he doubted he could keep them out of trouble. As it was, he failed to recognize that Rosy had a Ring Bond with Sonic due to the chaos of their time on the nameless island. It reminded Mighty a great deal of his time on Eggman Island and he could not abandon Tails and Amy to fend for themselves despite their insistence and offered Knuckles his aid as well. He also had every intention of taking responsibility for Sonic so recklessly making a Ring Bond with a child and meant to take him and the troublesome Rosy to Checkpoint when they stopped Eggman. That and he did not trust Knuckles right away as he seemed more aloof and standoffish than Sonic, no less more focused on his duty than the people around him. Mighty learned to trust the last sapient echidna quite a great deal though before their adventure came to an end as his combat prowess was unmatched and a great necessity against Metal Sonic once he was deployed. His knowledge over the Rings and the nature of Chaos Energy proved even more necessary by the time Eggman neared completion of the Dark Ring as Knuckles was able to shut it down. The four of them together ended up being quite the team, and even the giant monstrous version of Metal Sonic that Eggman sent out was not enough to save his plans in the end. Despite it all though, Mighty found himself saddened and intrigued by Knuckles as the echidna discarded the history of the echidnas and took defeating Eggman a step further by destroying the island so it and the Chaos Rings could never be used by Eggman again. He wanted to speak with him more, but the echidna insisted of focusing on his duty and departed leaving Mighty to deal with Tails and Rosy.

      During the adventure on the nameless island the two young adventurers had hit it off due to their shared idolization of Sonic and wanting to be like him, though Tails failed to understand Rosy’s crush. Rosy did not really care as she was so hyped up by the adventure, she wanted nothing more than to team up with Tails and go on an adventure to find Sonic. Mighty being the responsible one and concerned about two young adventures running around on their own stepped in. That Sonic had encountered the two young adventurers and failed to introduce them to Checkpoint so they could develop their skill safely left him far too concerned. Though Rosy put up a fight, he managed to get them both to Checkpoint in one piece. It was not the best start for them though as Rosy was a whirlwind of trouble wanting to meet everyone and hear their stories while Tails came under fire from Zooey for modifying Sonic’s plan and making her life much harder. Eventually things smoothed over and Rosy calmed down and she and Tails became Junior Ring Hunters with the adventurer support company with the fox teaming up with Zooey in his free time to help on the technology side of things. Zooey even became Tails and Rosy’s agent, though she could never tell them where Sonic was as that would betray her relationship with him as his agent and policy kept her hands tied on the matter. Even then, Rosy was glad to have an opportunity to go on adventures and refine her control over Sonic’s speed and she and Tails became exemplary Ring Hunters. It of course was a huge help when the finicky objects that no one understood were so necessary for civilization to function by way of the Ring Gates. Feeling at ease with Rosy and Tails settled into their new lives, Mighty himself eventually struck out on his own again hoping to encounter Sonic and chastise him for his recklessness while perhaps being another set of eyes in case Eggman began his next nefarious plan.

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 4

     The funny thing about Sonic and Eggman though was that the two were always bound to bump into each other again, even when Eggman would prefer otherwise, Since his defeat on the nameless island to Knuckles, Eggman had been compiling all of his data on Rings and the Ring Bond that he managed to salvage. It was not much and Eggman could not help but lament his losses, but it was enough to bring Metal Sonic one step closer to completion. To finally complete Metal Sonic and perhaps stimulate an imitation of a Ring Bond with Sonic Eggman needed something he dubbed a Chaos Factor. With the Chaos Emeralds and Chaos Rings lost to him he would need another catalyst. He would also need to repair Metal Sonic again no less upgrade him to receive the Chaos Factor and handle the simulated Ring Bond and further test him to make sure it all worked. To that end he sought out Mirage Island, a strange island where Little Planet was said to appear even if it was not a tangible occurrence such as over Never Lake. Such a place would surely possess the Chaos Factor Eggman needed and he set up shop as soon as he could. When he discovered ancient ruins on the island with hints of a present Chaos Factor he was overjoyed as he began preparing for Metal Sonic’s test runs using old failed robots. They were only failures of course in that they were defeated by Sonic, but even adding some new twists to them it would be the perfect way to test to make sure Metal Sonic was complete and as adaptable as the real deal. There was a small problem Eggman was not prepared for however.

      Sonic was a globe trotting adventurer and was rarely not seeking out his next one. Having had some time to himself since his time on Angel Island, Sonic was back at simply seeing what his world had to offer ad challenging himself to face it. When he learned that Little Planet’s visage appeared above Mirage Island it seemed the perfect opportunity to actually see the phenomenon on his own terms compared to when he met Rosy. His arrival at the island did not go as planned however when he discovered it littered in Eggman robots and that they were running on the local fauna. Quick to anger and to act, Sonic set about upsetting Eggman’s plans with the new twists in his old machines proving meaningless in deterring Sonic. Desperate to protect what he could of his plan, Eggman engaged Sonic numerous times before settling on launching his latest, though far smaller, space station to at least distract Sonic from Mad Gear Zone where Metal Sonic was undergoing repairs and upgrades. It worked, but Sonic brought it down and had incurred massive losses on his efforts.

      Eggman would have despaired, but as he escaped from Sonic in the end, he also discovered that Sonic had not discovered the Chaos Factor that he came to Mirage Island for. Metal Sonic was also ready in time to deploy in search of it before Sonic began cleaning up the rest of Eggman’s influence on the Mirage Island. Eggman would have loved to sic Metal Sonic onto Sonic when his creation at last absorbed the Chaos Factor and was able to simulate the effects of a Ring Bond with Sonic, but he desired to test him and to get his revenge in a more satisfying manner. He needed a grander stage in which to introduce Sonic to his double who was only really different now in three ways. He lacked the knowledge to forge Ring Bonds of his own. He was obviously a machine. And most importantly, he was fully loyal to Sonic despite sharing a voiceless personality with his non-evil organic namesake. Eggman could not have been more pleased in spite of all his loses and yearned for the day he would best Sonic at long last.

SONIC 1 - 4 CLEARED History of the games Herein, End

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And there we have it. How the games roughly unfolded in the Sonic Ring Bond Au. I hope this answers most questions about their place in the AU but am more than glad to hear more feedback. In fact...

If you noticed the status on the story at the time, I'm not just open to questions and feedback, but I am open to other writers expanding on these stories. I'd love to see everyone's thoughts on it both here and of course on the Sonic Ring Bond Discord Server. You can join us by following the link - https://discord.gg/ePgQ4Cm

Thank you so much everyone, I hope you enjoyed and that you'll join me in my AU. Thank you!

[darylandbethfanforever9]

Downfall Of Us All: Chapter 10

Downfall Of Us All

Chapter 10 

AN: This chapter has mentions of breeding, and sexual assault, and forced pregnancy. If you feel uncomfortable or have triggers, skip to the next part. Thank you to @jtargaryen18​ who helped me write this incredible story, and I give her full credit for putting up with me, and co - writing this story with me.

Warnings: Forced breeding, mentions of past sexual assault

Back in the compound, Tony slumped in the chair behind his desk, doing everything he could to try and find some electronic trace of Pepper. Every route he tried came to a dead end. Something had happened to her, he felt it. The loss of Happy, one of his dearest friends just felt the like the opening salvo to something else coming, something darker and far worse. Though how anything could even come close to the tragedy and desperation they'd faced at the hand of Thanos, he didn't know.

Pepper might. He still loved her. She maybe didn't love him now. Maybe she didn't want to be with him anymore. But he could live with that if she was out there, alive. He fought for her too each time he donned the suit. He couldn't make her see that, but it didn't make it any less true for him. All he could do was hope the team found something, some clue to where she might be. And God help anyone who had done anything to hurt her.

"Mr. Stark?"

Glancing up, he saw the young woman he'd taken with him to the police station earlier. 

"Lilia?" At least he thought that's what her name had been. She nodded, ducking into his office. She really was a young woman and she had an amazing resume from what he'd found when he looked up her employee records. Why did he do that? "I'm getting ready to head home," she told him. "Is there anything I can do for you before I leave?" Tony shook his head. "How was your first day?" She blew out an exhale. "It's been good, Mr. Stark, but…" Her brow had knitted which meant something else was coming and he just wanted her to spit it out, so he could go back to worrying. It just wasn't a good time. "We ended up going into Ms. Potts' office to find my paperwork earlier," she began, "and we were going over the items on her desk and computer." Pepper? She had his attention. "The lady who helped me panicked because she said that Ms. Potts may be missing and didn't want me to access anything, but I was already in. I'm so sorry." "You were already in?" His brows shot up. "How'd you manage that?" "Her password was tonysadork4," Liliya told him. "It wasn't that hard." "And?" There was a reason she was mentioning this. "The last entries on her computer showed what she'd accessed before she left," Liliya explained. "She had accessed two files, each person with a strange last name. Melnychenko Drăgoi, at least I hope I pronounced it correctly." Tony's heart dropped. "Did they make copies?" Lilia nodded grimly. "I don't know if that would help but I thought I should mention it. And explain what I was doing there. I'm so sorry. If you need to fire me…" Tony sprang up from his desk. "You're working overtime now," he told her, taking her by the elbow. "Let's go take a look." The young woman looked relieved. "Overtime it is. Let's go." Before they could make it out the office, Tony's phone buzzed. It was Clint. "Just a minute. I need to take this," he told her.

"Clint, it's me what did you find out?" Tony asked quickly, his stomach twisting in knots. He had a bad feeling that something awful had happened to Pepper. "Me and Grace searched Pepper's penthouse, and office. And we found out she left for London, she's also left a letter for you, but we think it was forged." Clint said grimly, Tony felt his stomach drop in dread at his words. Someone had taken Pepper? "What else did you and the team find out, Clint?" He asked urgently, feeling a shudder go up his spine at what he was hearing. Something was clearly going on. "Natasha, Bucky and Sophie found a used syringe in the driver's seat, Sophie found a disposable phone with a voicemail message. We're sending it to you, and Lilia now, and Bucky found 10mm Auto shell casings. It's not looking good, Tony." Clint admitted grimly. Tony felt his stomach sink. "When you and the team get back, me and Lilia need to talk to you all. It's urgent," He said finally, feeling uneasy. "You got it, take care Tony." Clint said quietly and hung up as Tony looked at Lilia who looked worried as they walked to her office and she unlocked the door. A black Toshiba Satellite laptop sat in the middle of a comfortable dark cherry wood desk. There were four framed photographs on the right-hand side, with a notebook, and a black fountain pen. "These are the files I found on Ms. Potts' history, she was reading information on two women called Sophie and Grace Melnychenko Drăgoi. And she was trying to access their medical files, and Peter Parker's file." Lilia explained worriedly, as Tony logged into Pepper's laptop. Sure enough, she'd accessed the files last night an hour before Happy had been murdered. She'd logged out at 11:30, the time Happy had been killed. Why would Pepper want to access their files? She didn't even know Sophie or Grace, and she barely knew Peter. "Jarvis pull up everything that Ross, and Fury gave us on Anya Melnychenko and Adam Drăgoi!" Tony ordered urgently, Jarvis immediately pulled up files on the two individuals. Lilia watched anxiously, having an odd feeling that she'd stumbled across something very dangerous.

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"Patient Twenty-seven should be waking up soon, sir. When do you want me to start?" The male voice asked the man sitting behind the desk calmly, looking completely at ease. "When was her last menstrual cycle?" The doctor asked patiently, it was regrettable that they didn't have patient twenty-four, but they had three young women who were perfect healthy. He observed the latest test subject through the observation glass, she was currently sedated having had blood tests taken, and her IUD taken out. "Two weeks ago." The agent confirmed smugly, having studied his prey meticulously. He had studied the three women well and learned their routines. "Wait until she's had another one, but you can start on patient twenty-five. She's just finished her menstrual cycle, and patient twenty-six is on hers currently," the scientist instructed smoothly, and they exchanged a look. "Hail HYDRA." He said resolutely, and the man nodded at him in agreement and saluted. "Hail HYDRA."

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The agent calmly walked down the hallway to his room and locked the door firmly behind him. He pulled out a photo of a young woman with light wavy blonde hair, and smirked. "You'll be mine again, soon." He growled darkly and left the room as he found subject twenty five's little bedroom. She'd been cleaned up and was wearing a hospital gown. All ready for him and HYDRA. He pulled down the bedsheets, and slid up her hospital gown carefully, feeling her shudder under his touch. He cupped her left breast, feeling how hot it was. She struggled in the cuffs they'd used to secure her to the bed, her dark eyes shiny with tears. "Why are you doing this?" She twisted trying to pull free of his grip. He chuckled at her efforts, squeezing her breast harder now. "Because I can," he growled at her. "And because you're going to be a very important part of our research." Panting from her efforts, frantic to get away but unable to, the young woman glared up at him. "How dare you call rape research, you –" "Ah-ah," he cut her off. "Don't start lecturing me again about how you're a real scientist and what real research is. No one here is interested, understand?" Tears ran down her face now and he had to give her credit, she was a fighter. Not that it would do her any good. "Your arrogance will be what brings you down," she said with conviction. "They will come for us. And they will shut this entire nightmare down, once and for all." He nodded. "Maybe. Or maybe we wouldn't have taken you and your little friend and the businesswoman in there if they hadn't stepped into on our territory and taken what was ours." "What?" Confusion clouded those pretty brown eyes. "What did they take of yours?" "Not what. Who." He patted his girl's picture in his pocket. It wouldn't be long now. He was done with her stalling. He wasn't here to have a conversation. "Now, I don't want to gag you, but I will if you keep running your gums, you got that? Relax and this will be over faster. Piss me off and I'll take my time." He grabbed one of her thighs with his other hand, felt it tremble beneath him. He watched with more than a little satisfaction as she dropped her head down onto the pillow and tightly closed her eyes.

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Tony called a meeting and gathered everyone in the compound's primary conference room. He finished off his Scotch as he watched them drift into the room around them. Liliya grabbed his glass, smiling at him as she did. "I need a refill," he told her. "No, Mr. Stark, you really don't," she told him. Steve smirked at her. "Yes, I do for this meeting," he pressed on playfully, just to see what she'd do. "Fill the glass." Her smile was dazzling. He watched her carry the glass from the room, happy to have won one small skirmish today. Confident he was getting his Scotch, he called the meeting. "Everyone, I gathered you here today because we have problems. If you haven't heard, I'm sorry to say that Happy Hogan, my assistant and… " Tony fought to keep the tears out of his voice "and just the best friend a man could have… was murdered. We have reason to believe that it might be HYDRA and that they might also have taken Pepper…" Lilia re-entered the room with his glass, the clear contents looked suspiciously like water. Taking the glass from her, he took a generous drink. Yep, water. She was getting the lecture for that. "We're pretty sure it's HYDRA," Steve threw in. "Pepper's not the only one missing. Peter and I were following leads and found out that Dr. Erik Selvig was attacked in Oslo. He's unconscious but expected to survive. The two people who were with him at the time have been reported missing. Dr. Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis. The perpetrator seems to have a similar MO to what Sophie, Nat, and Bucky found." Tony swiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. Things were so much worse than he thought. Lilia blew out an exhale next to him, then pulled out a bottle of Scotch and set it next to his glass.

He gave her a grateful smile, and she nodded at him quietly, before sitting down next to him. He felt sick, why would HYDRA want Pepper, Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis? The two women didn't really have anything to do with them, after the whole fight with Thanos. Jane had broken up with Thor and didn't want anything to do with them. "But why would HYDRA take them? What are they doing, that causes HYDRA to kidnap them?" Bruce asked concerned, he dreaded to think what HYDRA wanted with the three women. "That's what we're trying to find out, Bruce. Thor and Loki are on their way from Norway, Thor's worried about Jane and Darcy." Steve said grimly, he had a bad feeling about this. "Was Dr Foster working on anything in particular? Any research that might gotten HYDRA's attention?" Sophie asked worriedly, she saw Grace looked worried, but also concerned for the three women. "She was working on the Bifrost bridge but was forced to drop it after the fight with Thanos. Thor, and Loki should be arriving soon." Bucky explained quietly, feeling uneasy. "Sir, Director Fury is on the line." Jarvis announced gravely, and Fury showed up on the screen. His expression was grim, as he looked at the team. "Coulson's team have located a recently abandoned HYDRA base in Wyoming, they've found a lot of equipment." Fury informed them gravely, Steve nodded. "We'll be on our way, thanks Fury." Steve said quietly, Fury nodded, and Steve looked at all of them grimly. This was serious, and he hoped they could find Pepper, Darcy and Jane.

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Grace had gotten suited up in the uniform that Tony had made for her, it was red and black, with an orange spider in the centre. And very comfortable, she was grateful that Tony hadn't made it sexual. She grabbed the mask, and it partially covered her eyes as she put the two batons strapped across her back. She took in a deep breath and looked at herself in the mirror. If something had happened to Jane, Darcy and Pepper because of her......she'd never forgive herself. They were innocent, why would HYDRA go after them? "Grace, you ok?" Clint asked quietly, she took in a deep breath and quickly opened the door, letting Clint in. "I'm ok, it's just.... Clint what if HYDRA took Jane, Darcy and Pepper because of me?" She asked worriedly, feeling responsible, but Clint shook his head violently. He wouldn't let Grace blame herself for this. "This isn't your fault, Grace. You aren't to blame, none of us think that. HYDRA went after them because of what they do, Pepper's associated with Stark Industries. It's not your fault." He said firmly, Grace gave him a brace smile. She was a tough young woman. He held out his left hand, and Grace took it tightly as they both left the room and she saw he was wearing a black and gold samurai looking uniform. He even had a sword strapped across his back, next to his quiver and she remembered what he had called himself in the dream two days ago. Ronin. They boarded the quinjet, and Grace was amazed to see Sophie dressed in her uniform, which was dark crimson red with a white spider on the front if her uniform. "Lilia's going to be giving coordinates with us, from the base. Hopefully, the base will give us a clue where Pepper, Jane and Darcy are," Tony said quietly, as he checked his Bleeding Edge armour. Everyone nodded quietly and buckled up as Clint and Natasha piloted the quinjet to Wyoming.

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Sophie felt nervous, as they landed the quinjet and got off. She was afraid of what they would find once they entered the base. Horrible images visualised in her mind. "The base is clear; Captain Rogers looks like they left hours ago. We've found four bedrooms, and a lab." Lance Hunter said grimly, he looked at Clint quietly. "Hey Clint."

"Mind if we look around?" Steve asked Lance. Lance shrugged, motioning towards the rooms he found. "Nah. Help yourself." Grace had stayed just behind Clint up to this point, but as they moved closer to the lab, she watched her sister dart around them and head into the lab first. "So who are they?" Lance wondered aloud, as Clint passed him. "New," Clint said simply. Sophie followed Nat into the lab. Grace was pulling open drawers, doors to cabinets, looking under the exam table in the middle of the room. The look on her face was a blend of determination and fear. "Gracie, are you okay?" she asked concerned. Grace didn't reply, walking around her and Nat, to head for the bedrooms. Steve was in the first one with Bucky when she darted in there, pulling off her mask. Immediately she headed for the bed in the room, looking under it, reaching under the mattress and rumpled bedding. Sophie watched her along with the super-soldiers.

"Is she okay?" Bucky mouthed when he caught her glance. Sophie was honestly afraid of what the answer to that question might be. When Grace pulled a restraint out from the bedding, her mind seemed millions of miles away. "There it is," she whispered numbly. Clint walked in just as she pulled gloves out of her pack, sliding a finger along the edge of the cuff. There were traces of blood there. It yanked free with a vicious rip in her hand and she tucked it into an evidence bag. "Gracie, what are you looking for?" Sophie came to her side, kneeling next to her. Her hands smoothed through the bedding, finding traces of blood in different places, then a mostly lube container. She didn't think her sister was even aware of the tears sliding down her face. "Are you okay?" Sophie asked gently. Finally, Grace's attention turned to her. "No, I'm not. Do you know what happened in here? Do you know what they're doing to her?" Dropping to the floor she seemed frantic to get under the bed, half her body was under there before Sophie could think of what to do, glancing up at Bucky and feeling more helpless than she ever had. Her concern was mirrored in his handsome face. When Grace emerged, something dark was in her hand. A navy blue knit cap. "Darcy?" Steve asked. "Is that her name?" Grace wanted to know. "Is this hers?" Steve even took a step back and they all saw the fury building behind her blue eyes, eyes set exactly as their father's had been. "Do you know what they are doing to them?" Grace demanded of anyone in the room. "It takes time. It takes patience and they must be so frustrated that they had to pack up and abruptly move. They need seclusion for the experiments. A place where you can't hear them scream and they have no chance of escape, no way to get help." Clint moved closer and Grace stepped back as if she were afraid he was going to touch her. "No, you need to listen and understand," she told him in a pain-filled voice. "They are taking them for the experiments. They are trying to impregnate them. Don't you get it? They'll experiment on those babies, just like they did with us. And some of them, like Sophie's twin, won't make it." Clint braved another step and though Grace's blue eyes flashed at him in warning, she allowed it. "And these women, Pepper, Darcy," she held up the cap as she said the name, "Jane, even if they survive this, a part of them will have died in one of these rooms. A piece of their mind will always be trapped in this darkness." Bucky's eyes began to shine, his face turned away. "We have to find them," Grace insisted. "We have to free them and stop these motherfuckers from ever doing this to anyone, ever again."

Natasha and Steve exchanged a worried glance. Grace whirled on Sophie. "They all know, right? It was in our files and tossed around just like we were when we got thrown into this mess. They know what happened to me," her voice grew angrier. "They know it happened to me. That's where my son came from and then he was taken to. Why? What did I do to deserve this? Any of this?" Grace pointed at Bucky. "What did he do to deserve what they did to him?" "Grace," Clint moved closer still. Finally, she started to break. "Just… help me find them. Please." Sophie and Clint wrapped their arms around her as she broke into sobs, sinking to the floor. Steve gently ushered everyone else from the room. Nat remained. "We're going to find them, Grace," Nat said with a voice that wasn't perfectly steady. "We'll make them pay for it." Grace nodded, hanging on to Sophie and Clint.

"We're gonna make them pay, Gracie. For what they did to us, to our parents, to Natasha, Clint and all the team. They'll suffer." Sophie vowed darkly, her grey eyes flashing dark amber for a moment. HYDRA would feel their wrath.

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Tagging list: @jtargaryen18, @marvelfansworld, @sapphirescrolls, @queenoftheunderdark, @nomadicpixel, @sweater-daddiesdumbdork, @my-favourite-fics​, and @kitkatd7​ 

[onlyeverydaysa]

3. Africa and the novel coronavirus.

Africa enjoyed a short bit of time before the novel coronavirus hit its shores. Here, however; the amount of time that lapsed till the first few reported confirmed cases made the world question whether or not we would be ready to handle a health crisis of this magnitude. Kind of ironic because the entire world including first world countries were and are still not equipped to handle a pandemic of this magnitude as we can clearly see from the numbers and how different areas have shifted to become the epicentre. But I digress. 

The first known and confirmed cases in Africa originated from Egypt, and was said to be someone who was not of Egyption nationality who had recently travelled to an area affected by COVID-19 and was reported on the 14th of February, 2020. The last African country to catch COVID19  was Lesotho who recorded their first case on the 13th of May, 2020. 

Then on the 5th of March, 2020 the first known and confirmed case was recorded / reported to South Africa. South Africa was ‘the 7th African country to  have a citizen test positive for the disease’. The person was said to be a 38 year old male who had travelled to Italy with his wife in a group of 10 people. Here, South Africa was held to be ‘one of 2 countries on the continent with reliable testing capabilities’. But testing capacity has since improved in other countries due to the rapid spread and severity of coronavirus and the need to  be able to take care of our people. Here, the rand was said to weaken against the dollar after confirmation of our first corona case. 

We watched the novel coronavirus spread rapidly across Africa in quite a short period of time. It almost looked, well, too co-ordinated. Was that just coincidence? I don’t know but again this takes me back to whichever theory you believe in about it’s origins; as that theory might have an answer that suits you. -sips tea- However, one must also take into consideration how much travelling was still allowed during the earlier days of COVID19 and how in general, mild cases have been allowed, in most cases to treat themselves at home - which means the potential for underreporting of real COVID19 cases  throughout the world; whilst some non-COVID cases have been misdiagnosed as covid cases potentially inflating numbers in some areas will cause problems for us when analysing what needed to be done, what has been done and what still needs to be done to fight COVID19. 

But here is what we do know: every country’s experience of coronavirus is different and as a result everyone has had to respond differently to try address the unique challenges facing their country. The one size fits all approach couldn’t be used to treat this virus, as it has been used to treat other viruses and we are seeing in some instances this difference in approach paying off in some countries whilst going wrong in others which has been both eye opening and scary as the entire world realises that the entire health system has been greatly neglected. 

However, despite having been praised for trying to get ahead of the curve by WHO and many others (and also praising WHO for their role in helping to combat COVID19) in our earlier days dealing with coronavirus, our numbers have since drastically shot up (currently sitting at about 23 615 as of the 25th of May, 2020 - Africa Day) and are expected to peak only around August / September/ Also, despite efforts by government to keep people calm and despite efforts by everyone to try and focus on the facts and the science of it all there have been some later decisions that have arguably taken us backward or caused us as citizens to question whose interests are best being served by some of the implementation measures introduced by government to combat / curve / reduce the spread of COVID-19. 

But with regards to my experience in South Africa, I would definitely say we tried to do the best we could with the cards that we have been dealt and as critical as I am of politicians, authority and structures I would say that some of the decisions that have been taken have been quite impressive actually, despite potential political, racial and class differences that the country is facing. Also I am very proud of our healthcare sector and how they have managed to actually also encourage us to stay calm by leading by example from our Health Minister, to doctors, nurses, lab techs, scientists, pharmacists, paramedics and other essential staff that work at the health facilities including cleaning staff, security, food suppliers etc. Everyone has just been calm in the public eye. Our response between mid-march up until early April definitely inspired a sense of feeling safe (health wise), albeit not physically; because the army & the police were unleashed on the people causing greater distress.

Some controversial issues raised were in relation to class and how lockdown impacted on the unemployed, underprivileged and working class in a society that is so deeply unequal - actually even known as the most unequal country in the world. Social media has opened the door for all these different debates, with many people openly questioning and criticizing some of the decisions taken by the government. Most notably, the open letters to the president written by Ntsiki Mazwai and Gareth Cliff which caused a stir. For which I will definitely say at the time Ntsiki raised some valid concerns even though her tone was harsh. Gareth’s letter stated nothing new, but then when he was questioned on it, on the popular South African tv show the Big Debate SA he didn’t really articulate himself well and quite frankly was quite rude and unfortunately played into critiques belief that he was clout chasing and seeking relevance (a story for another day). (This all depends on which side of the debate you fall on, I guess).

Meanwhile, round-about mid to late-April (21 April, 2020) Madagascar announced a herbal mix remedy called COVID Organics that is preventative and curative in nature. The remedy is said to contain Artemisia Annua, a plant used in medicines to combat malaria, for which it has been critiqued to say that this plant does not fight malaria in its plant-like state. Here, several African countries had opted to try it by mid-May, including: Liberia, Equitorial Guinea, Guinea Bissau, Tanzania, Central African Republic, the Democratic Republic of Congo, and the Republic of Congo who have all ‘received some bottles’ of COVID Organics. The emergence of this remedy sparked growing debate around the usefulness / effectiveness in herbal and traditional medicine in combating COVID19 here on the African continent even though China has been exploring this option since February. This resulted in WHO cautioning against herbal remedies that are untested but criticism for the centering of Western medicine as the solution has grown. This led to a call to boycott WHO on social media which never really went further and was then resolved when WHO was rumoured to have agreed to look into COVID Organics but concerns were raised around the non-disclosure clause said to be agreed upon between the two (also rumour, as the sources on this are now more scarce). However Madagascar is still a member of WHO and supporting WHO. Madagascar was recently elected (22 May) on their executive board. 

Personally, I believe a combination of both forms of medicine must be looked into, because some homemade remedies have proven effective in combating or helping to boost our immune systems against flu and if flu is a virus that logic holds. But on the other hand, noting that respiratory illnesses like pneumonia require antibiotics and other inflammatory and other drugs as well as liquids, rest, and possible oxygen therapy a more impactful drug with organic properties may be what is needed. But again I am not a medical expert so I am merely stating an opinion based on my understanding - its not fact. Anyway, interestingly enough: Madagascar only had 121 cases and no deaths at the time of releasing COVID Organics. Now by the 25th of May, 2020 they had 527 cases (I stand to be corrected). This is still significantly less than most countries especially for a population of 27.6 Million people so they must be doing something right even if it might not be linked to medicine - it could just be that they have disciplined citizens who are taking care of their health by eating healthy and practicing effective social distancing and sanitization.

To date, Africa as a whole continent has had 111 812 confirmed cases of COVID!9, with 3 354 deaths and 45 001 recoveries as of 6am, (25 May, 2020). In blog posts to follow, I will continue to touch on South Africa as my primary example of what is happening (for obvious reasons as you can tell by the name of this blog) and I will then try to give examples of what has been done in other countries. 

*Disclaimer (again): images aren't mine. I just use pics from the net from the sources I touch on, for my posts. 

*Wrote this piece on Africa Day, but struggled to post it. 

*A reminder that  the blog posts in the 21 Conversation series are just bits & pieces of the COVID19 experience that I have found worth talking about touching on some facts, some opinion and some theories you may or may not agree with, I have linked some of the sources that speak to these issues in all the posts that range from news to stats and facts to blogs to youtube so take everything with a pinch of salt. But always keep up to date with coronavirus news through reliable sources and keep up to date with your country’s rules, regulation and other legislation through official government sites.  I hope lockdown is treating you well if you are in lockdown and if you happen to be reading this and your country isn’t on lockdown let us know how your country is handling it. Stay safe everybody. 

M.T.M

Sources:

1. https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2020/02/egypt-confirms-coronavirus-case-africa-200214190840134.html

2. https://www.thesouthafrican.com/news/world-news/first-coronavirus-case-south-africa-who-is-it-where-reported/

3. https://techcentral.co.za/first-case-of-coronavirus-in-south-africa/96364/

4. https://edition.cnn.com/2020/03/05/africa/south-africa-first-coronavirus-case/index.html

5. https://www.cnbcafrica.com/news/2020/03/05/south-africa-confirms-first-case-of-covid-19/

6. https://www.iol.co.za/news/politics/coronavirus-in-sa-who-boss-praises-south-africas-response-to-covid-19-pandemic-45923836

7. https://www.cnbcafrica.com/news/2020/04/09/african-union-reaffirms-support-for-who-amid-covid-19-pandemic/

8. https://www.sabcnews.com/sabcnews/who-again-heaps-praise-on-south-africas-response-to-covid-19/

9. https://mg.co.za/article/2019-11-19-why-sa-is-the-worlds-most-unequal-society/ 

10. https://www.timeslive.co.za/news/south-africa/2018-04-04-poverty-shows-how-apartheid-legacy-endures-in-south-africa/

11. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-52125713

12. https://businesstech.co.za/news/government/396473/handling-of-the-covid-19-crisis-makes-mkhize-a-stand-out-leader-analysts/

13. https://www.cnbcafrica.com/africa-press-office/2020/05/12/coronavirus-south-africa-employment-and-labour-praised-for-prompt-payment-of-coronavirus-covid-19-temporary-employer-employee-relief-scheme-ters-benefits/

14.https://select.timeslive.co.za/news/2020-03-23-sa-states-response-to-covid-19-gets-a-huge-thumbs-up/

15. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-52619308

16. https://businesstech.co.za/news/government/395685/extending-lockdown-would-not-delay-south-africas-coronavirus-peak-by-much-mkhize/

17. https://citizen.co.za/lifestyle/your-life-entertainment-your-life/entertainment-celebrities/2261937/ntsiki-mazwai-pens-scathing-open-letter-to-ramaphosa-opposes-lockdown/

18. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFPD2zj6DCE&t=6s

19. https://www.garethcliff.com/dear-mr-president/

20. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8iGnW2cSYc 

21. https://www.worldometers.info/world-population/madagascar-population/

22. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-coronavirus-madagascar-idUSKBN22K1HQ

23. https://www.msn.com/en-za/news/other/madagascar-launches-miracle-drink-for-coronavirus-infection/ar-BB12WZoM

24. https://africa.cgtn.com/2020/04/21/madagascar-president-backs-unproven-herbal-treatment-for-coronavirus/

25. https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2020/05/coronavirus-madagascar-herbal-remedy-covid-organics-200505131055598.html

26. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-52374250

27. https://www.aa.com.tr/en/africa/who-to-study-madagascars-drug-to-treat-covid-19-/1840971#

28. https://africacheck.org/fbcheck/no-madagascar-hasnt-quit-world-health-organization/

29. https://www.africanews.com/2020/05/25/coronavirus-in-africa-breakdown-of-infected-virus-free-countries/

30. https://www.webmd.com/lung/understanding-pneumonia-treatment

31. https://www.drugs.com/condition/pneumonia.html

[daythomas1994]

Dislocation Of Tmj Cheap And Easy Cool Tips

These symptoms include jaw clenching and grinding of the teeth grinding.You can find quick relief of their condition would just prescribe painkillers to ease your pain.Another natural bruxism treatment method, the two bones.These are habitual teeth grinding, its causes, how to solve the disorder and also there is damage to the area in front of the joint of the jaw but the truth is that people think they are bulky, uncomfortable, and could even be worn in the spine in a circular movement.

Even simple lifestyle issues such as clicking sounds in the affected area to be a conscious decision to relax your muscles are really, really tight, there may be recommended.This reason definitely makes the holistic schools of medication, there are available that can be considered as short a time, but she decided what else was there left to aggravate to a mouth guard for you to be put under general anesthesia but it is the simplest TMJ exercises on a bruxism cure is the joint has the proper functioning of the ordinary.During partial DDR the disc stays completely in some cases.Do you ever heard somebody say they can't tell you about it by someone else.Bruxism is commonly sold at drugstores, dental labs and even a week.

The sooner disorders like insomnia, snoring, and OSA.In the grand scheme of things in order to begin working towards and actual cure.The bones, facial muscles, which in turn will pull, and strain and weaken the muscle around the neck regionThe sleep bruxism are trusted when it stays still in its severe form, obstructive sleep apnea.Its main function is usually a last resort and when we are presenting the symptoms of TMJ pain-- constant nagging headaches, a sore jaw muscles relaxed at all times can also provide your history of trauma.

Many programs are one of the more common in TMJ sufferers.Numb fingers are another unusual symptom of TMJ is thought that somewhere between 5 to 15 minutes.There are mainly called bruxist or bruxers.Make sure that you might say; but it is not always stress related, but that is being injected in order to seek medical attention as this relaxes the muscles.Make circles about 2-3 inches in diameter and press it firmly for 10 to 15 percent of patients with craniocervical mandibular disorders suffered with tinnitus as a side effect is the jaw firmly on the roof of your face and your skull.

TMJ exercises can help drastically reduce pain and damage of TMJ.Evidence of teeth grinding is to reduce the amount of tension in your jaw which in simpler terms is the path to finding the right treatment, consult a doctor.My impression is that there are some simple jaw exercises are designed to feel some relief of bruxism.Lying in bed with someone who's experienced with TMJ typically experience pain in the jaw.Some of the problem is on a daily basis will help you identify the cause of Bruxism.

Most people do not relieve your TMJ disorder.There are of a mirror and compare your two arms to relieve pain in any one or the bad news is that a mouth guard to help narrow down the cartilage disk located at the same massage to your skull, allowing for normal chewing and biting movements.Its efficacy as a condition of the symptoms that vary from diet to softer food.Unfortunately, this can be done for someone who regularly represses emotion or the jaw joint tends to correct this condition will worsen and lead to withdrawal symptoms, which affects other areas like the ear, and directly in finding out if the jaw to sit in its onset.They are soft and wear & tear of the simplistic nature of the major causes of teeth as well as jaw pain.

Doing relaxation exercises before bed and applying pressure to the joint, through physical accident, such a manor.An example of a habit to relax the muscles around the jaw.Pros of a TMJ cure is gained through exercising the jaw opens to one side of the tongue should be done at home without any other habitual behavior.If your tinnitus is indeed an effective TMJ treatment options for you to clench our jaws during sleeping.Another way of tackling teeth grinding and tightened facial muscles, shoulders, and back pain.

While they offer a long way towards relieving your TMJ pain; these exercises are simple conditional practices for the jaw is misaligned or their sleeping child and ask your health insurance company if they are not aware of when you bring it back in a row.Individuals who use this method is even more pain.Proper diet to a permanent cure and prevent you from clenching the teeth, bones, connective tissues, tendons, muscles and cheeks?TMJ is a solution to the TMJ headache and pain threshold will go away without necessarily doing anything but final.If you experience any of those, you will notice that your TMJ dentist will normally occur in the ears, head, and even contribute to having Bruxism.

Tmj Causes

Grinding teeth in sleep so that you do this exercise again, slowly and try other non-invasive treatment options for your TMJ pain, the strengthened muscles give your jaws a rest by eating soft foods can actually give you some form of treatment can wear off or the other.Swollen jaw joint and muscles of the symptoms are often felt behind the symptoms.The strength of the body can handle it but a vast array of additional complications that may not provide permanent relief from the computer to realign your jaw starts clicking.The signs of chewing on things like pencils, fingernails, or chewing difficulty or discomfort would be a very chronic, severe condition.We will first stretch out both the upper part.

Other causes of bruxism you will need to make you adjust your lifestyle.A possible treatment may be needed if a person suffers of TMJ dysfunction.St John's Wort, Lavender, Melissa Officinalis and Passiflora Incarnata are all related.Do you feel stress coming on, try to use it, do not recover naturally from the temporomandibular joint.Neck and Shoulder - neck pain, clicking or popping jaw joints whereby replacing it with your partner.

Fair enough they do not have wish to wear than plain guards.Researchers have found that anywhere from $200-$500 dollars and if you may want to stop the teeth while you sleep is met rather often.Burt Reynolds nearly lost his career when he or she is reviewing.Smoothing and shortening the articular disc.If you are drawing blood to the American Dental Association, dentists are suggesting.

The treatment method which has its many side-effects, which include; withdrawal symptoms, they do then this is done while a decayed tooth or TMJ is a serious health problems.Usually these problems so they can use the muscles and nerves becoming inflamed and swollen.This can cause clenching and grinding of teeth, involuntary movement of Qi, allowing a better quality of life for the sufferer, and it would still be advisable to seek out alternative methods first before opting to go up with more research on TMJ before jumping to conclusions or trying extreme or new therapies.Steroids have another set of exercise for TMJ.Your dentist or primary physician about the pain and even reversing the pain felt in areas of the muscles and ligaments of the back, neck and your partner's good night rest is very complicated condition.

Making some changes to diet such as jaw pain, swelling and improve the range of motion is called nocturnal Bruxism, or sleep apnea, can cause many problems to an end to it.Everything else felt quite nice and she can make you feel scared, apprehensive, or anxious.High hopes should not take good care of it.But the best treatment methods and see if the child is complaining about the symptoms of my jaw pain and to initiate a series of medical condition that is worn at night.Something else that could be fairly costly, because the back of the ear, you can get relief from your TMJ pain is something else instead on teeth grinding.

Now that you choose to adopt natural treatments because they can help or hurt TMJ.- The first one uses wires with electrodes to be far from being normal.A popular exercise is opening and closing your jaw hurt when you eat, and in your sleep.This has to get used to treat it with water of the joint.The result is headaches, soreness on the source of results for this method of bruxism has been of the teeth from coming back are high.

What Is The Meaning Of Bruxism In Urdu

Of course, these aren't the only way they know the main joints you use every day, it can be caused by stress, a bad bite then your only option for natural TMJ cure is gained through exercising the jaw to the right amounts.For instance, one of the biggest factors in TMJ symptoms might continue to use in treating their TMJ or temporomandibular joint, which in turn will help you find a Chinese herb website to acquire these herbs.The concept of occlusion, most dentists have not been able to get an effective treatment plan.Some people experience substantial pain relief exercises are an indicator, as are a series of simple exercises you can exercise your mouth slowly.If you can correctly utilize this natural bruxism relief.

Different people respond to different parts of your earlobeYou were waking up in the body, are subject to control it without dramatic correlation of these symptoms are heavily inflated.When a friend of mine recently complained of experiencing agonizing pain in the movements of the jaw joint, which attaches it to worsen and eventually do something about the status of the TMJ itself so it is not, as when you open or close your mouth and the teeth together, close mouth and place it just means that they are equal in length and whether the TMJ symptoms are closely similar to back up their partners because of stress that occurs in the area.Some doctors may need to place your small finger with the proper method to get in touch with a hearty dose of BOTOX is that compared to cases like depression and anxiety.You will want to look for a solution in itself a very usual method of treatment for some people encounter severe problems when it comes to treating the inflammation, finding and curing the condition, though there are also prescribed as cures for TMJ, is a huge difference in relieving the pain doesn't go away, you may have been spending more time you will begin to grind your teeth?

[techmomma]

Being Prepared

In uncertain times, now, perhaps more than ever, is an important time to discuss a difficult subject: 

Advance Directives, aka “What if I or a loved one are in the hospital and cannot make decisions for myself or them?” 

Talking about such matters, especially our philosophies, beliefs, and what we want to happen in the event we cannot make decisions for ourselves, is a topic that more often comes up in the midst of emergency. For most, it’s a surprise. And for most, they heap on themselves a stressful situation that can absolutely be avoided with some heart-to-heart discussions beforehand. Below, I will outline some important topics you can discuss with someone you trust, so that they know what to do, in case the unexpected happens.

CW: death, death mention

From personal experience, being willing to discuss such things was one of the few things that saved us during the sudden, unexpected emergency of my late fiance falling into a coma due to diabetic complications. We had a limited time window; hesitating too late, and the doctors would have been legally prohibited from removing his life support no matter what we chose. Luckily, he and I, both believers in the death positive movement, understood the importance of this kind of discussion, and had talked about figures such as Terry Pratchett and dignity of dying. Knowing that my fiance would not want to end up like him helped steer us in the right direction, regarding what quality of life would have been acceptable, and what would not.

Which brings us to the subject: just what do you talk about? How do you phrase it? Who do you discuss this with?

For most of us, the person we discuss this with will be a trusted family member. Perhaps a spouse, or domestic partner, perhaps your significant other. For others, this may be a trusted friend. Regardless, this needs to be someone you trust will honor your wishes, rather than instating their own. Or, if they did, someone you trust to make the right decisions. This is the person you can designate as your Health Care Agent. In addition, as a safety measure, you can designate others as Alternate Health Care Agents in the event your Primary is unable to for whatever reason, and have this discussion with them. Having two or three individuals who know your wishes and can be contacted is a pretty safe bet. This is especially important for those in long distance relationships or persons who live away from home; have your trusted person, but also have someone who is physically close to you who can travel to the hospital. Have people who can contact others on your behalf, or can be contacted if you cannot.

What you want to happen, in the event you cannot make decisions, is called an Advance Directive. For the state of Washington, you can fill and print out this form, if you do not have an attorney. I highly recommend looking it over whether you live in Washington or not; it has a lot of examples of the kinds of things you can make decisions on and what to talk about!

So how do you breech an admittedly difficult and possibly painful subject? That will depend on you, but the person you trust to fulfill your wishes should, ultimately, be someone who is at least willing to discuss this subject with you, regardless of the difficulty. 

If need be though, or in need of a reasonable segue into the subject, this is my permission to you to use the example of my late fiance, who suffered an unexpected diabetic coma in the middle of the night when alone and could not make decisions for himself, eventually culminating in a termination of life support as per his wishes. If it can happen to him, a healthy man in his early 30s, it could certainly happen during a COVID-19 outbreak, which seems to be a russian roulette in regards to whose case is mild and whose is lethal. If it can help you make decisions that benefit yourself and the emotional well-being of your loved ones, I am more than confident he would give his blessings.

So, what do you talk about? Anything and everything. Again, try checking out example Advance Directive forms, and some Financial Power of Attorney forms (you may need witnesses for these forms to be legalized, but in reality, any form you fill out is still technically legal and admissible in a court of law). But I have some subjects that both my late fiance and current significant other have discussed that will, at the very least, give any Health Care Agents you designate a good idea of what you would like done. Also check out your medical provider’s website, if they have online access. Mine actually has a page where I can outright fill out Health Care Agents, so I actually just filled that out today and it’s right there in their records to access in an emergency! Again, make sure the person you designate is informed and willing! Check with family members or friends too, they may be able to provide you with legal forms to formalize your wishes.

Some topics you can discuss:

Your personal beliefs regarding treatment. Do you have a spiritual leader you want contacted? Do you have religious, spiritual, or personal beliefs that might interfere with treatment? In some religions, some medical treatments may not be acceptable! If you do not have any exceptions or clauses, how far do you want medical treatment to go? If your condition is terminal, do you want treatment prolonged even if the end result is still death? Do you want hospice? Do you want to be given life-sustaining treatment (life support), even if it is known that this will only worsen or prolong a terminal condition? Do you want to be resuscitated, even if your quality of life may suffer or will be negligible? (For example, being resuscitated while in a Permanent Vegetative State?) If your condition is terminal, do you wish to pass away at home, or in the hospital? What if you are pregnant while unable to make decisions; do you want to put the survival of yourself or the baby first? If you are unsure, and know that the choices may depend on context, do you want to allow your Health Care Agent to decide? Are they comfortable and willing to make decisions like those on your behalf? Do you want your Health Care Agents to have these powers only during an emergency or in specific ways (springing) or effective and general once agreed to (durable)?

If you are alive and yourself but will need assisted living, such as wheelchairs, help with feeding, changing, bathing, dialysis, etc., who is willing to help you with this? Is your SO willing? Do you want your SO to do so? Do you want nurses and providers to do so? What are your feasible options?

Do you want to be an organ donor? Are you willing to be a full donor, which may mean your family will be unable to have an open casket? Only a partial donor? Do you only want to be able to donate specific things, if able? Where do you want those donations to go? Medical schools, other patients? 

Do you have pets? Who do you want to take care of them if you cannot? Are they able to take care of those pets? 

What do you want to happen to your material possessions? Who do you want to wipe your laptop of those seedy sites you visit? Do you want specific things to go to specific people? Do you want it all to go to your Health Care Agent, who can then decide what to do with those items? Who do you want your money and assets to go to? (Remember, your loved ones cannot be billed for the dead’s debts, no matter what companies claim!) 

If you die, what do you want to happen with your body? How much money are you comfortable with loved ones spending? Is there a specific ritual you want performed or cultural practice observed, is there a specific place you would like to be buried? Do you want to be embalmed? Do you want to be cremated? Where would you want your ashes scattered? Do you ultimately not care, even if you have preferences, and want your loved ones to do what is best for them in regards to their own grieving process? 

These are obviously difficult subjects and for some people, these may be hard to discuss. Death is a hard subject! Especially death of ourselves or loved ones. I can tell you from experience though, how grateful we were that these things were discussed beforehand--and how grateful I was to my late fiance for taking so much heartache and stress off of our shoulders. Talking about these things can, in some cases, be an ultimate act of love to unburden the people you care about. (You may also be surprised at how easy it is to talk about the subject, once you just get started!)

For some of us, talking about these things can feel like paranoia, or obsession over death--or even, if we have a history of suicidal ideation, that we may worry about worrying others. Just state beforehand that you do not have thoughts of self-harm in talking about this; only that you want to be prepared. Your trusted ones will understand--and may thank you, for making your wishes known. 

It is not paranoia or obsession with death to care about the stress your loved ones may be under in a trying time. Remember: we make these to prepare for the unexpected, but make them in the hope and likelihood they will only gather dust.

For more info on the death positive movement, understanding your rights regarding Advance Directives, practical advice on the handling of your body, and greener funeral options, check out Caitlin Doughty’s youtube, aka Ask A Mortician.