#or im like. I cant believe i couldnt take care of myself fully at age 15 We shouldve killed her sort of funny.

[itsalwaysdark]

my toxic trait is that i forget that i was still a child after turning like. 12 or something

[la5t-res0rt]

Wanted to ask about beetlelyds, sorry, I thought it was technically cannon? Like in the old comics after the show ended she grew up and married him. Sorry I’m an old school fan and have no idea why this whole thing is such a big deal. Wasn’t the actor like 20 too? I’m sorry if I sound very dumb. I’m not used to this new tumblr.

youre fine you are one hundred percent allowed to especially when you do it civilly as you have done here

first of all the biggest issue faced in the whole what is and is not canon debate is the fact that there are three (four if you count the limited comics run) publicized iterations of my media

i will go over each very briefly just kidding this is going to a long answer so i will spare the dashboard with a readmore

there is the movie which im sure you dont need me to explain the plot since youre an old school fan but basically the climax is that yes beetlejuice does go for the marriage angle in exchange for stopping the exorcism of adam and barbara and his motive for this is so that he can cause as much chaos as he wants on the mortal coil but his plan is thwarted when barbara rides a sandworm into the house which promptly eats beetlejuice sending him to bureaucratic death limbo

the end of the movie features the deetz and the maitlands happily living together with lydia havign a new appreciation for her situation and beetlejuice gets his head made real small which is very funny haha 

so no in the movie they are not canon editors note the actress who played lydia winona ryder was a teenager while filming the movie she turned 17 the year it released 

the next is the cartoon which i will admit has the most grounds for being considered canon but in the end the show is about a middle schooler and her best friend who is a ghost which in itself is a pretty iffy gray area sort of thing but for a childrens cartoon to work a friendship is better than the obvious enemy status they held in the movie

anyway in the cartoon they are potrayed to be very close friends with lydia being the person beetlejuice cares about the most and honestly if you were to watch it with no prior knowledge of the media and if you ignored their massive and obvious age difference than yeah you probably would read it as a romantic relationship 

however lydia is a middle schooler and that is simply immoral

there have been writers for the cartoon who have been credited to say that a relationship is what they were trying to invoke but for obvious reasons they couldnt exactly move forward with that angle with them establishing that lydia is a child in middle school and a fully grown adult man dating a child who is in middle school is immoral and also illegal in the united states and in canada 

this isnt a good argument for whether or not something is canon and i will tell you why with one simple name and that is luke weber

if you dont know who luke weber is he was a storyboard artist on the cartoon steven universe he is known for making a lot of self ship artwork of him and the character pearl

he worked on the show isnt his material canon no of course it isnt it wasnt put in the actual publication and also if memory serves he was eventually asked to leave the project after he drew art of the shows creator giving him permission to date pearl and calling them her otp and a lot of fans hated this because the most generally accepted interpretation of pearls character is that she is sapphic so a lot of people took issue however that again is just a widely perceived headcanon it is never stated what her actual sexuality is no one in that show is because it isnt a show about that its about wait im getting off topic sorry

what im saying is what can truly be considered canon is what you see on the screen and with the cartoon they are definitely the most friendly with each other and that is why so many people in the beetlebabe shipping community take so much stock in the cartoon because it is the easiest to read the relationship between the mas romantic although that is not what the show actually provides in black and white terms

interpretation does not equal canon and in this case no matter what anyone says the fact remains that in the cartoon itself they are friends good friends yes but friends all the same

it is definitely not a show about a grown man grooming an adult and if it were you definitely shouldn’t be stanning it the extreme because grooming a minor is wrong and it is apparently a problem in the fandom

anyway if the cartoon and the movie are both products of their time and there was more leniency on content bear in mind this was the same era as notorious animation powerhouse and known predator john k who was a showrunner on ren and stimpy and he maintained a relationship with a teenager which was an open secret that nobody really took issue with because in that time being a woman in the animation industry was tricky business and your career could be ended easily if you rejected advances luckily time has moved forward and the animation industry although still full of problems of a similar nature at least people are getting called out and punished for it

you can look more into that yourself its really upsetting though

as for comics i havent been able to find good scans of them and im not willing to purchase them but in my search i never found anything about the two of them ever being married in the cartoon again because she is a child i did find a cover where he appears to be getting married and hes asking lydia to get him out of it but im not sure where the comic actually goes all i know is she is standing off to the side shrugging and looking like she doesnt really care

anyway that brings us to the musical which is set in the modern day 

in the original libretto lydia is described as thirteen but since they got an actress who was older in the updated librettos she is listed as 15 and the story is pretty similar to the movie the young girl befriends ghosts and they try to scare her family out etc etc

the major difference between the film and the musical are that lydia and beetlejuice are more like friends like in the cartoon 

she summons him to help scare after the maitlands attempt doesnt really work so he shows up and they have fun terrorizing people together however she drops him for the opportunity to perhaps get her mom back but when no one will help she goes back to beetlejuice who tricks her into almost exorcising barbara

she agrees to marry him in order to stop the exorcism and he only wants to get married so he can be alive again and cause problems on the mortal coil like in the movie in the musical he states several times its a green card thing whihc obviously doesnt make it okay but still

anyway lydia tricks him and runs off into the underworld before the wedding can happen blah blah blah she goes back blah blah and she agrees to go through with the wedding to save her friends and family with a plan to make him go away for good

theres a very tongue and cheek song called creepy old guy which points out how wrong the whole thing is but everyone is going along with it in a very comedic matter and it includes the line 

i cant believe some cultures think this kind of things alright

basically saying yeah this is very very wrong anyway they do get married and beeltjeuice is alive for like 6 seconds before lydia stabs him to death with bad art and he dies thus nullifying the marriage because death do you part etc

so in the musical no at the end of the show they are not canon because he is dead their marriage is nullified and they go their separate ways

anyway sorry about that i just need to make it very clear that these three properties are all very distinct from each other and basically all three are indeed canon since they are publicized material and arguing the validity of which one is pointless editors note all actresses who played with the exception of dana steingold were minors for the majority of their runs as lydia with sophia ann caruso the originator of the role turning 18 during the run and dana being in her late twenties presley ryan however was a minor the whole time and still is one

tldr no they aren’t canon but to the credit of some people in this fandom their interpretation isnt too far of a stretch thanks to the era and some of the writers wishing to imply a relationship between an adult and a child

i also need to address how this is all a big deal and i suggest you take a peak through my discourse tag and check out @leedia‘s blog to see some of the more harmful things done by beetlebabe shippers

the beetlejuice fandom is home to many minors after the musical came out since musical fandom is vast and the ages of its members varies and normalizing pedophilia is harmful to them not to mention the people who have been effected by sexual harassment at the hands of adults

both sides have victims of csa but one side continues to perpetuate the cycle by showing time and time again that this behavior is normal and easily romanticized in the name of coping and literally anyone who has ever been to a good and credible therapist could tell you that posting cp even if it is simulated cp isnt a really good way to cope and you can get mad at me for saying that its totally fine but and im going to remove my character veil here for just a second as a csa survivor myself i think its harmful to not only myself but many others ok the veil is back down

tldr again there is a lot of bullying and harassment going on with both sides having their own issues but there is one side whos issues run a bit deeper in my humble opinion 

thank you for your question it allowed me to talk a lot you are welcome to discuss further with me in dms if you wish i honestly recommend giving the musical a listen because it is very fun and despite what some people say its very clever and if you get a chance to see a boot of it its visually stunning

one last note that i couldnt really fit in here but a large portion of the beetlebabes shipping community ignore the musical because it openly condemns the idea of beeltejuice and lydia having a relationship and a lot of the antis take issue with much of the writing and characterizations of the cartoon just a note that i think is important since were talking about canon

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP.7 (Cont.)

“i have not now, nor ever, liked this creepy ass church elevator.”

“kanade please get out of my head, just because im hungry doesnt mean you have to tell me every time i am”

Hibiki finishes getting a full body X-ray. She’s fine.

“that anime protagonist immunity is really kicking in well!”

“by the way, your wife is here! and she’s looking mighty miffed., as opposed to me, mighty milfed.”

“you dont strike me as a mother figure but ill play along for now”

“i just hope miku’s okay...”

“oh, she’ll be fine! see, i’ve seen these kinds of plots before. big secret revealed, another lover is shown, the victim watches as they’re thoroughly cheated on, and they get to lik-”

“please stop breathing”

Genjuro’s wasting away again in Margaritaville. Looking for some daughter to adopt. SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THERE’S A, WOOOOMAAAAAN TO BLAAAAAAAAAAME, BUT HE KNOWS

XYLOPHONE RIFF

THAT’S IT’S ALL HIS FAULT

XYLOPHONE RIFF

“i hate it when he gets like this. jimmy buffets not a good look for him.”

“for once you and i agree. seeing the commander sulk like this like a middle aged perma-tourist is genuinely miserable”

“hey homies! im back and i brought some bitches! oh, jesus, why does this place smell like mistakes in miami?”

“its me. im sorry. every time i feel like i failed as a dad, my anti-dad energies manifest. imagine every midlife crisis rolled up into a single ball, smacked into the face for eternity. thats the depth of my pain for failing this girl.”

In a moment of positivity, the friendship between Tsubasa and Hibiki is cemented.

> Tsubasa has joined the party.

“FRIENDSHIP!”

“fweindship.”

“uuuuhhhhh... dadship? yeah thats close enough.”

“WE’RE ALL GOOD FRIENDS!”

“ya tiddies are ringing again, better go get it”

Ryoko also points out that Hibiki’s relic is fusing with herself at an alarming rate. This is important to keep in mind.

Meanwhile, at night.

Miku is posing in the motherly “you done fucked up, where have you been young lady” position. A cold scolding is coming.

“.........................hey miku......”

“you can come in. are you worried im gonna bite? you suplexed a car. that shouldn’t be an issue anymore.”

“miku, i.... i wanted to tell you.... but.... the plot wouldn’t let me, miku....”

“should’ve told the plot to fuck off anyway. now you’re gonna live with that. you’re sleeping... on the bottom bunk.”

“b.... b..... b...... b.... b...... bottom bunk...?”

They slept separately that night. God, this is so stupid. All of this is so goddamned stupid. “I’m so mad at you even though you saved my life.” This is just so. AUGH. THIS IS DUMB. KANEKO WRITE BETTER ANGST THAT MAKES SENSE THAT ISN’T THIS.

Meanwhile, far away from this garbage...

Chris, having been evicted from Fine’s McMansion, wanders the streets of mumblemumble aimlessly. Don’t be fooled by her new fancy dress. Basically, she’s a combat-competent hobo.

“no food. no home. no victories. this sucks. whyd you do it, fine? we coulda been great together. but no. ya fired me. now i look like im prancing the red light district with a highly advanced superweapon around my neck.”

“no... hibiki’s to blame. ever since that genderbent little mac showed up to fight me, it’s been all downhill. fine thought me a laughstock because i couldnt take out her oversized boxing gloves, and now she beat me while i had nehushtan. god... i wish i never met that damn hamster faced chubby cheeked nerd.”

“wait, whats that crying”

Chris spies two kids talking to each other, one of them crying. Chris immediately makes an assumption, believing the big bro is bullying his sis.

“hey! stop nicking her lunch money, twerp”

Chris currently is a firm believer of corporeal punishment.

But the sister deflects the blow. Chris can’t even defeat children right now. Truly, this is a record low for her. You know you blew it when even kids are schooling you on basic morality. She then tells the little girl to stop crying, ironically mirroring her brother.

The infamous double T-Pose maneuver. Chris, you might as well get a shovel and start digging your own grave.

“i keep doing bad things badly, and now im doing good things badly... when fine said i was bad... did she just mean im not talented?”

Chris, finally, does a good thing and helps these kids find their parents.

“yeah. hibiki saved a kid when she got her gear. guess what? bam! im saving two! that’s fifty percent more kid per kid saved. take that, weirdo.”

The kids call her out on Chris singing unconsciously, and Chris gets flustered over it. Dawwwwww.

Chris manages to get them to safety to their Dad...

...while brutally lying about it, making Chris look like a predator. There’s a very crushing irony at play here, given who Chris used to serve.

“ugggggggggggggggghhhhhh hes not even gonna payyyyy meeeeeee why the fuck did i dooooo thiiiiiiissssss”

“hey, you know. you kids have a really nice relationship with one another. care to give me tips on how to be an empathetic human being capable of making friends?”

“maybe we’re born with it”

“maybe its maybeline”

“maybeline...”

Meanwhile...

A cold wind blows through Lydian Apartment 69-L. (I don’t actually know if that’s their room number, I just made it up.)

“jesus take the wheel, because i’m jumping out the passenger seat to save this current wreck of a relationship”

“miku please i saved your life, doesnt that count for anything”

“you already killed me the moment you lied. also im taking the bottom bunk so i dont have to see your face coming down the ladder.”

“miku you cant hide in this depression den forever. i know i hurt you and im sorry for it, but please understand i literally couldnt do it. you saw there were punches and violence and stuff... i didnt want you tied to that...”

“what was that? i cant hear your apologies over my incredibly loud snoring. SNOOOOOOORE. SNOOOOOOOORE. SNOOO- fuck, i just swallowed my spit, fuck”

“i hope this cocoon of displeasure you’ve made for yourself lets you erupt into a butterfly of acceptance so i can fly with you again.”

“......thats not fair. you cant say those beautiful metaphors and get away with it. let me be mad... sniff... let me be mad...”

Sadness wafts in the den of lies Hibiki has been forced into.

No music plays. There is only heartbreak, and woe.

In the midst of this pain...

Ryoko loredumps about how the Symphogears work and are immune to the noise on her blog, ‘hornyonmainforscience.org’, her hybrid science journal slash kink zone. It’s mostly a recap with some pretty good soft techno beats in it.

“i made a custom brew of red bull, five hour energy drink, coffee, and cream. i call it gamer girl piss.”

“damn. that’s some good piss.”

She muses about how Hibiki has managed to break the limitations of her Symphogear, making her a totally unique specimen. Wait, where have we heard this before...?

Hey... Ryoko... let’s just... cool it a bit with the Hibiki pictures... come on...

Ryoko touches upon the Custodians and the Curse of Babel. We ain’t touching that shit until later, because that’s another shitfuck box of crazy just ready to jump us in a dark alleyway to rob us of our wits.

Back to Lydian:

“miku whats the answer to the first three multiple choice questions”

“B. A. D.”

“oh, thanks. huh, BAD.”

“yeah. you are.”

“mmm. taste likes dissapointment. just like my life.”

“hey table for two haha get it cause there’s two chairs and miku for the love of god, please, forgive me”

“ive surgically removed my eyes and drew eyelashes over them with sharpie so i dont have to see your bird bangs.”

“thats very rude to both me and my hair. also, wig.”

Even Hibiki’s meal is judging her. Mainly for not eating it. Fucking look at this. God, that looks amazing. Fuck, why did I write this while I was hungry.

“miku you cant do this forever. i might die and youll end up crying on my tombstone going ‘oh god, why, oh god’, and really, i cant live with myself if that happens. mainly because id already be dead by then”

The Anime Janai crew show up to break some icebergs with a goddamn sledgehammer. As the self-aware Gods of this realm, they got very tired of this poor display of angst, and have decided to directly intervene.

Nevermind. They came for her kneecaps, and they most certainly got them.

PLEASE. I’M BEGGING YOU. END THIS GARBAGE PLOT THREAD.

“look. imma lay down the facts. yall are gay. yall are in love. yall are angry for the wrong reasons. its nobody’s fault here but the writer. so please kiss and make up. pretty please.”

“kaneko... you fool... we all know what the original sin is. its your hack writing making this stupidity in the first place. let the pencil go, asshole!”

They bring up the fact that Hibiki isn’t doing her work and wonder if she has a job on the side, which isn’t allowed by the school. Miku gets annoyed and bails, with Hibiki running after her. Unfortunately, Miku runs faster...

“oh god miku not the rooftop whatever you’re thinking just dont do it! please!”

“no. i came here to angst, since this is the Maximum Angst Zone.”

“i..... okay! okay, that’s fair! rooftops are the perfect place to look sad while getting proper air ventilation, thats fine”

It really would have been better played if it was played off that she felt hurt not because of the lie, but because she felt like she could have helped her better having known the truth, and it being a self-loathing sort of scenario for not being there better for her and not fully understanding the risk at play.

But no, instead, we get this.

Absolutely obliterated. A heart ripped, shredded, and sent to the Shadow Realm.

The episode ends on that note, but has a post credit scene.

Naked. On an old timey telephone. On a computer. Wearing stockings and long gloves.

The main antagonist of the series, everybody.

She’s talking the best English possible to some random-ass American when suddenly bursting through the scene is none other than:

“I WANT WORKERS COMPENSATION YOU BITCH, BEFORE I UNIONIZE YOUR NAKED ASS”

“AND I WANT A GOOD REFERNECE FOR MY FUTURE EMPLOYER, AND ALSO A SEVERANCE PACKAGE SINCE I’M FUCKING HOMELESS”

“i paint my eyelashes with mascara made from the tar of freshly carbonated corpses manufactured through noise, what on gods green earth compels you to think id give a rats ass about you?”

“so you never cared, huh! you’re just a nasty naked hedonist trying to- trying to- what the fuck are you even trying to do?!”

“i want to live the dream every spicy little fossil like me yearns for.”

“I WANNA FUCK GOD!”

“how- what? what? how do you even- what? are you- do you want to be the pope? is that it? does the pope get to fuck god? are you- is this a larping thing? you’ve really been into larping lately! i don’t like this!”

“youve never read the old testament, have you. ass out, pussy bare, hips up and barefoot. that’s how god’s always liked it.”

“now get lost, punk. you tipped off my hand to genjuro and now you being here is going to ruin everything. if you still feel any semblance of devotion, eat one of your own bullets and call it a day.”

“it’s 2012 bitch, if the mayans dont get you, I WILL”

“what god gives, He takes away, and so do i. i built you from the ground up. your relic, which was good for jack shit on you. the nehushtan, which you failed to do anything with except zap a couple hundred people. stop wars? you’re a walking war, waged by me, for me. and your cartridge has just run out of bullets.”

“uh oh! hand’s acting up again! better bail before i send you back to smacktown where all the bitter little shittalkers like you strut around spending their lives being useless as hell.”

“ah fuck, im not dealing with no manos: the hands of fate bullshit again”

“and guess what else i got on motherfucker”

“i see the union efforts have officially been busted. understandable, have a nice day ma’am”

“LEAVE.”

“I’M GOING, I’M GOING”

[kingto-d2]

A start

So, I’ve always wanted to start a blog a place to put phrases that come to my mind or how I’m feeling that I wouldn't tell the people that know me in real life. I just don’t like people worrying about me, nor do I like having to repeat things I have said already. the username Kingto-d2 is the idea that I’m a king and I’m moving forward seeing that the D2 on the chess board is the spot in front the king piece.

I’m not a confident person in myself though I’m told I should be. I hold myself up that way but I’m not. I’m strong but soft at the same time. I have so much care a love to give that sometimes it gets to me I dont have someone I want to share that with, for its all I want just that someone. I don’t trust people and have a hard time showing my emotions at all. As cliche as it is to day I truly believe I’m not like other guys. I have a sweet, kind, and loving heart, but few will ever know that of me. they will only see me as this goofy, weird guy who’s fun to be around.

So I guess a little background on me.

When I was younger around the age of 5 I was molested by multiple people over the course of 2 years. I didn't know it was wrong I was just doing what I was told and taught. I didn't learn what was going on til I started religion classes at which point I began thinking of myself as this rotten person. I couldn’t turn and tell no one because one I was scared because some were family. Two, I was now this horrible sinner and I’d constantly tell myself its okay I didnt know better. that didnt make it any better, instead I let it eat at me and I harbored this secret for eighteen years til I finally felt comfortable with this girl I loved the first person I truly ever loved and she knew I was always hiding some dark. I had bottled it up and tried to forget it, but it was always there. It still is there the damage is done but I’ve taking measures to help. Back to being young.. my parents divorced around the age of eight. I would hold items my dad got me and cry because I thought I’d never see him again, though that wasn't the case. they tried to keep it together a few months after the separation but it didn't last. this time it didn't hit me nearly as hard. Out of my siblings I like to think im the most level headed kid the better one but no one really knows how I feel or what I think and no one ever bothers to ask me. I guess they just see me as this strong older brother. Fast forward a few years. In high school I was the class clown I liked to just make people laugh I guess in a way if i could make people laugh I wouldn't feel so down or bad about myself. I played for the school soccer team and knew a good bit of people but no one was really close to me and the I also didn't feel like i belonged the my own family. The only place I felt at home was with the soccer team. I talked to girls in high school but never really dated. some girls I’d go after because I heard they were easy but I’d always stop myself before anything happened. It just wasn't in me to be interested and have sex with just anyone. After high school I started dating a girl who I had liked but was always interested in other girls. I dated her for a little bit and broke it off with her. there was no real reason too besides I guess in a way is scared because I never had anything real before. a few months go by some bad times especially between me and her, but in the end we wound back up with each other and I loved her which love is a term I don't use lightly ever. We were together for five years though officially only three. It took two years before I told about my secret and I loved this girl. I thought I’d one hundred percent marry her. Talked about future plans together all the time. The house, how many animals, the kids we’d have, and future travel plans. Though that's not how things work out for me. Her senior year of college just a few weeks from graduation she asked for a break with a promise of getting back together. she was stressed and wanted to be single for a little while since she never really was. I agreed thinking it wouldn't take long before it’d end and she’d be back, but again that's not how things work out for me. Slowly as each day went by it started to dawn on me it wasn't going to happen the way she said. Now we didn't have this fairy tale relationship there was some ups and downs but we always sat down, talked about it, and worked it out. I watched as she struggled in her last weeks and all I wanted to do was be there for her but couldnt she had cut me off thinking it would be easier for me. I watched as she started hanging around a boy who I knew liked her and flirted with her even when he was already in a relationship. Then it was over she was my rock and kept me grounded and when I lost her, her family who I liked more than my own, and myself. Losing her was my greatest fear I’m not scared of many things but I was always scared to lose her. I began to become suicidal though I know I could never intentionally hurt myself. though I prayed for it, did reckless things with hopes it’d go bad, I’d find myself drinking large amounts of zzquil just to fall asleep only to find no escape there because she lived in my head too. This fucked me up. I felt as I had lost everything. I began seeing a psychologist whom I still see to this day just made two years a few months ago. It helps and I will always recommend it to anyone. She is still the only person I’ve truly loved but I’ve moved on since then. I think of her time to time I mean she was my best friend, but we dont talk. since then I talked to some other girls but never slept with them and nothing lasted longer than a month or two. At this point I think they just use me to make themselves feel better because of how nice, kind, and sweet I am. Most recently there is one girl stuck in my head, and she makes me angry I have such a soft heart because she honestly doesn't deserve me. We talked for a month before actually meeting in person I had made a few attempts but she would ghost me. The day we met we watched movies and it was great nothing had changed from texting to being in person. She had a dog and she told me “watch what happens” as she put a pillow in my lap and laid her head down on it. Nothing happened and she removed the pillow and her head. She attempted it again a few minutes later with the same outcome.  Though this time she left her head there longer with prompted me to begin playing in her hair. Which further lead me picking up on signals from her body as I did different things. This lead to a game of anything you can do I can do better which obviously led to us having sex (which apparently I’m really good at. Not just coming from her) It had been a long time since I had done anything like that but thankfully she was fully surprised. One because of how good I was and two because I hold myself in a fashion you could never expect something like that out of me. Continuing on we began seeing each other more often and I’d spend nights at her place. I was happy, because it had been so long since I had really connected with someone and all I want in life is someone who I can fully give my heart to. Someone I can grow, explore the world, and experience life with. Sadly this didnt last for she pushed me away and this last a week. After that week things went back to normal only for her to push me away again which is where we are at not. It’s been about 2 weeks now and shes been so god damn confusing sending mixed signals throughout. Multiple people tell me to leave her alone let her go, but its just not in me. My heart is too soft and I have such a hard time letting anyone I become interested in and begin caring for go. I’ve never even gotten a solid answer of what she want from me. My dumbass sent her flowers today though. She didnt really deserve them the way she’s been treating me toying with my emotions, but something in my head said send them do it.... send them. Nothing came from it though. Not that I really thought anything would I even put a nice little card with a sweet message on it. I put forth the effort all these weeks where she hasnt put any besides once. I should stop and I know I should but I just cant get myself to and It all really messes with my head. I want her, I want to take care of her head and her heart. The chase is real and it needs to end.

[identitycris1s]

im back

hi just thought id pop in with a status update! maybe i’ll break this down into categories. feel like im doing an email update (ew!) but this rly is probs the best way to structure this post...

work / school (?)

work has been....aite. idk what to say. idk if i have unrealistic expectations of what work is supposed to be, but the idealist in me thinks its wrong to not even try and find something that seems meaningful / is deeply fulfilling. i think im mature enough to get that work isnt supposed to be fun / exciting every single day but bro this daily grind / sense of dread / utter disinterest / feeling of futility / frustration / disenchantment surely isnt the correct state of affairs.....at least let me try and find something that is a better fit, thats more stimulating, that feels more NATURAL to me? i just dont think im cut out to be a lawyer. sure i sometimes like arguing and making my point and i like that everyone i work with is smart and interesting and generally kind and reasonable and i like the prestige of the job and feeling like ppl respect me and i like the decent pay and the humane hours but.....i feel unmotivated to be a good lawyer. i think i find it difficult / disingenuous to always 100% get behind my client and advocate for their best interests. i tend to see things from a zoomed out perspective, like WHY are we fighting, WHY cant we just settle, WHY are the claimants pursuing this absolutely crap and unmeritorious claim and WHY do we have to defend it when its stupid and bound to fail (cos access2justice i guess but still, WHY), WHY cant we just hash things out in a meeting instead of sending emails here and there and wasting time, WHY do we have to answer stupid questions, WHY WHY WHY

and i think public policy is sort of an answer to that....i think theres more questioning of why we do things and why a policy will or will not work, in a macro sense - what is good for society at large. whereas in law (at least in litigation) its how can we just move this case forward and help the client, which is often not the most productive thing to do in a macro sense - very much a zero sum game. i get that shitty / unmeritorious claims still need to be defended against and someone has to do it and I GET IT but i just dont think i want to be that person defending these claims...or bringing them for that matter.....ultimately i cant fully / sincerely separate the overarching sense of futility from the duty to do a good job.

sigh. well at least ive kind of figured out this isnt for me. which is scary cos being a lawyer in this firm is pretty much a career for life - truly an iron rice bowl, i could probably make partner in maybe 4 or 5 years and live a comfortable upper middle class life...but i cant bring myself to do that. i cant bring myself to not give myself a shot at doing something i actually find interesting, stimulating and that i care about deeply. call me crazy! we’ll see where this brings me in 5 years’ time....:) 

anyway most ppl at work (at least in my team) know that im most likely gonna leave soon. i rly only told 2 ppl (my boss cos he had to sign off on my testimonial and G cos she was quitting anyway)...but somehow ppl found out one way or another. i dont rly mind and ppl have been taking it pretty well and have been kind and encouraging (i guess why would they not take it well, im hardly indispensable) but i get a bit antsy thinking - what if i dont get in...then what? do i just put my head down and continue here (BUT IM SO SAD) or do i just quit without any prospects and try to find a policy-ish job??

idk. will have faith that God will put me where I need to be. he is in control of it all and I BELIEVE THIS !!! I am just a bit scared that his plan is different from what i  think i want....but this is just my human instinct and i know in my head that there is no reason to be scared cos his plan is always the better one. head knowledge just needs to translate to heart understanding and real trust / faith.

ermmm relationships...???

i started using...cmb...idk why i find this so cringey. i guess about a year ago i couldnt imagine doing this and i kept thinking EW what if ppl i know see me and they think im a desperate saddo who cant find a bf irl and has to resort to an app EW shes so lame and ugly and gross. and i realised that is so stupid no one actually thinks that way and its very backward and dumb and insecure of me to be thinking that. and anyway as i get older i rly dont quite give a shit what ppl think of me (at least i tell myself that....)

i suppose i was also inspired by csm who has been quite actively using apps and meeting ppl and taking real..strides..(LOL) in her dating life. i used to tell myself hey God will provide u with a mans if he wants u to be with a mans. but also God can use an app to do that...and if i dont step out in faith that he will do something and i dont take any action at all, how is God gonna work?? should i sit at home and expect a man to fall into my lap??

for some ppl it has been way easier, e.g. my parents meeting in uni and falling i love. i always wanted that - the organic relationship, the meet-cute, the friends to lovers thing. (i guess i tried that last one before and it didnt work...) but i think theres no point in romanticising relationships anymore. thats a very modern thing to do and its not necessarily a good thing? like who’s to say a relationship that had organic beginnings is intrinsically better than one that started from an app?

anyway i havent had much luck haha i think its hard to find genuine GCBs (or maybe theyre just not attracted to me....) although recently ive been talking to this one guy B for a week or two and its been...ok i guess. hes rly nice and seemed cool at first - we talked about travelling and hamilton and the office, which was a good start. he is thoughtful and kind and doesnt seem to be put off by my very slow replies (he replies so fast......its stressful a bit) and he does the whole good morning text thing (which i frankly find a bit bizarre, we barely know each other..?? and ive never even met him irl.. but its sweet i guess :))

but DUDE his english seems to be not great - at least thats the impression i get from texting him. which is an issue for me. i dont want it to be BUT IT IS...first red flag was when he said some weird thing about not wanting to wear a mask at work (not a literal mask - like he didnt know if he could be his ‘true self’) and the wording was very strange. then he said “the weekends are almost here” ?? the weekend is not a plural though? then he used the wrong tense a few times and his apostrophe usage was wrong (”Gods’ love” - bro there is one God). he also uses way too many commas which irks me.

i mean i get that text is supposed to be an informal medium - come on look at this post, there r hardly any capital letters and plenty of short forms and hardly any apostrophes but u see its CONSISTENT and its obviously cos of laziness / convenience - but i think his problem is a bit different...u can sort of tell if someone doesnt have a 100% strong grasp of english. those r basic grammar mistakes man...i get that i sound petty and stupid and this isnt a huge deal but i feel like im settling by even talking to him cos this is not something i wld normally tolerate but hey maybe im getting desperate with age :(:(:( urgh 

on the other hand maybe i just need to be more generous with ppl and l have an irrationally high standard for english cos i am a lawyer and my friends all speak well / text well?? maybe im just being too nitpicky?? honestly hes very nice  and communicative and straightforward and seems mature and very God-fearing and idk why hes still talking to me cos ive been a bit cold and slow to respond. hes very patient which i dont rly deserve.....i myself have a million flaws that are probably way worse and egregious (ahem PRIDE...ahem ego....ie the source of this dilemma in the first place...) so maybe i should just close one eye abt the bad grammar.

i also realised how fked up i am - confirmed my suspicion that i am naturally attracted to emotionally unavailable ppl / ppl that just seem distant / out of reach (thats my avoidant attachment style right there). i think there was one day he didnt text me at all and omg...i couldnt stop thinking what i did wrong...like did i piss him off by being too cold for too long...did he get scared off cos i said i wanted to do a masters (idk this seemed like an irrational leap but i was being irrational)..then i started being nicer to him and replied more promptly hahaha turns out he was just rly bz at work that day. omg this pattern is real i think i did this with xj also - was eager to speak when he was in japan but after meeting irll i was just over it... (i am drawn to distance like a moth to a flame and i am repelled by availability like....a fire by a fire extinguisher (??)). yucks i rly hate myself sometimes but yknow what at least im self aware and im trying to fix this...kind of.. gonna hash this avoidant thing out with my therapist at the next sesh.

on the topic of xj i got a bit nostalgic and wondered why we stopped speaking (surprise surprise it was my fault, didnt reply then felt it had been left to long to pick it up again...) went back to look at our texts and aw we rly got along so well, i do miss him as a friend and im sorry about how poorly i treated him especially in dec 2018 / jan 2019 sigh.....i was a real bitch....

anyway im just gonna see how things go with B... if he asks me out i prob will go... just to give it a shot. update if / when that happens!

EDIT - he asked me out lol we shall see how it goes. 

[jinyoungs-hipsdontlie]

a letter to you, jonghyun.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been hesitating and reconsidering alot regarding this but i felt the need to do it so here goes.

This is going to be my last farewell letter to Jonghyun. This is where i’m going to spill all my thoughts out on everything that has happened, in order for me to finally let go and heal from this situation. I didn’t intend for it to be this long, but i guess i really need to let it all out.

I want to finally move on from this. I want to get back to my usual self. It’s been terribly exhausting for me lately; emotionally, mentally and even physically. 

And no, this is not the last time i will post about Jonghyun. But this would be the final one filled with sadness and grief. After this, i want to only post bright and happy memories of him, just like how i want to remember him forever.

NOTE: It’s going to be EXTREMELY long (2800+ words i never knew i had to express) and kinda triggering so i put it under keep reading. Please ignore and scroll past this post if you know you might be triggered. I really dont want any of you guys to hurt more than you already have.

[death tw] [suicide tw] [suicidal ideation tw] [depression tw]

. . .

And now i think, it’s time. 

It’s time for me to finally let you go, my beloved puppysaurus. 

Fly high and mingle with the stars and the moon up there. Feel the happiness and peace that you’ve craved and deserve oh so much. Take care.

I will always love you, Jonghyun.

수고했어요. 정말 고생했어요.

May your beautiful soul rest in peace. ——————————–

Sigh.

Where do i even begin.

This is so hard.

…It still hurts. Everything hurts.

Hearing that you took your own life broke me. Death, especially of a loved one, has always been my biggest fear in life. I lost a schoolmate back in September 2012 through suicide. And just last year in November 2016, i lost my aunt to suicide. And 5 days ago, 18th December 2017, i lost you, my first ever idol through the same horrid way.  And that’s part of the reason why i think, that i felt the news of you leaving the world hit so close to home for me personally.

It opened up old wounds for me, and i thought that this time, instead of keeping strong and playing a facade, im going to let myself feel, to grieve and mourn and then recover. When i lost my aunt last year, i wasn’t able to grieve much. Because i had to stay strong for my mother who had just lost her beloved sister. I couldnt just stand and cry, i had to hold my mom’s arm and support her to walk during the funeral and prayers. So this time, i did not lie to myself that i was okay, because i wasnt at all.

The first 3 days. I havent been able to eat, just water and barely a few spoons of rice each day… eating so that i wouldn’t make my family worried about me. I havent been able to sleep well, just a few hours each day, because the image of you appears before me whenever i close my eyes. I couldnt even watch your videos or listen to your voice as it hurt too much. I couldn’t believe you were gone. I feel so lost, so empty, literally on autopilot mode.

But no, i’m not blaming you for taking your own life. I’m not angry at you, i’m not disappointed in you, i really have no negative feelings towards you. Because i know, that what im suffering now… is the tiniest fraction of how much you have. For how long you have been in pain and how much you hurt, i’m so sorry. 

I’m sorry that you had to go through all this. I’m sorry you felt so alone even though you’ve been practically screaming it out to us. I’m sorry that the world was not your fate. I’m sorry for everything.

It pains me so much, to know that you had everything planned out. You, suffering in the dark, still continued being the kindest person through it. You had waited for your member’s birthdays to be over, you waited until your solo concert series was over, you left a meaningful song for us fans… to cope with the loss of a loved one, knowing fully well that we would need it after hearing the news of your death. You left a note for your loved ones, you even messaged your beloved sister before it all. You have always been so kind. 

Reading that letter you left us, it broke me so much. I cant even find words to describe it because i never ever thought you have been in so much despair. I don’t advocate suicide or taking the life of ownself, but as your long time fan, i respect your decision. All i can say is, you did so well Jonghyun. It is indeed commendable that you made it this far, and you really did go through alot.  

I can’t help but feel so sorry even though i know that there’s nothing i could have done. It just hurts to know it was so bad, so bad that you had to end it yourself since it was too much for you to handle. I cant imagine the feelings that went through you that day, when you knew you were going to take your life. Did you eat your favourite meal knowing it’d be your last? Were you crying or just all numb? I tried to tell myself not to think so much about you on that day, but i couldn’t stop myself from thinking. 

Sigh.

The first three days was a nightmare. That monday evening, i cried so much. The initial shock and sorrow was too hard to handle. The news crashed down on me so hard. 

On the 19th, i remember breaking down when i came home after class. I broke down bad, crying so terribly hard.

On the 20th, I attended a vigil that we had for you here in Singapore. It was one of the hardest thing i’ve ever done. 

I tried to be strong, but seeing the other shawols at the florist also buying roses for you, i broke down. We all did. It was so heartbreaking. I had to fight so hard make sure i didn’t cry on the train as i made my way to the venue. 

I think the only way i could describe the vigil; bittersweet. Approx a thousand people came, of all ages, to pay our last respects to you in our own way. The lightsticks, the flowers, the letters, the shawols who relied on each other and grieved together. It was all so beautiful, but it hurt so much. 

I teared up when i was already in the queue. I held the lightstick and letters in one hand, and a red rose in the other. As i got closer, i brought the rose close to my nose. I took a deep breath, five times. Each time after i say a prayer for every member of SHINee. First you, then the rest by age order.

My walls finally broke, after i placed my flower near the picture of you and said a prayer. It was so hard. I couldnt stop the tears. And to the little angels over there who gave out tissues fo all of us who broke down, and giving free hugs to anyone in need, thank you. I cried in my sister’s arms. I’m not one who shows my tears infront of people i love, but this time i couldnt keep the strong facade. I had to let it all out. 

Shortly after, we all gathered close, and sang the chrous of your debut song, Replay. I tried to keep my voice stable, but i couldnt help the falter at the end. Also, like what you wanted and what you deserved to hear, we all told you ‘수고했어요 - You did well’ in unison. I couldn’t help but break down again at that. It was really so difficult to face reality, but that vigil had brought me the slightest bit of acceptance. Im thankful for my chance to attend it.

And then Thursday.

21.12.17, you were finally laid to rest. With all your loved ones by your side, i hope those last moments were not lonely for you. You are so loved Jonghyun, you really are.

I woke up that morning trembling for some reason. I checked my phone, and saw that none of my alarms had rung. Puzzled why i woke up so early, i looked at the time. And realized that it was just 10 minutes before your funeral procession.

I had to be in class in an hour and i knew i couldnt bear to see or hear anything about your funeral so i immediately uninstalled Facebook and Twitter. But when i came home that afternoon, i told myself, that i should just see the pictures/watch the procession. Not to see everyone mourning or what so ever, but for the sake of closure. For acceptance. I think i needed it. 

And so i did. And god, how much i cried. It broke me so much, i shook terribly while sobbing. It was the worst thing i have seen, every single second pained me. That was not the image i had when i said i wanted to see SHINEE has five again. What’s worse, Kibum’s letter to you was uploaded 10 minutes later. And damn, cue the tears again. He’s so strong and he really loves you so much, Jonghyun. 

After crying for longer than i’d like to admit, i drank a glass of water and stared up to the sky. I gave a final prayer to you, for you to rest in peace. 

A few hours later, strangely, i felt calmer. For the first time since your passing, i felt like i could feel you were finally in peace up there. I really hope you are. That evening, i managed to eat my first proper meal in 3 days. I guess i’m finally accepting it.

And yesterday. 

I woke up and even though it hurt, i told myself i have to move on. I still couldnt eat properly and skipped meals but i managed to eat dinner? And even though i was still pretty empty and lost, i agreed to watch a movie with my sister at the cinema. I was reminded of you throughout and i did feel pangs of sadness, but i could still enjoy it slightly. 

And last night, i managed to watch a video of you singing. I’ve seen it on my tumblr dash a few times and so i told myself to watch and listen to your voice again, instead of scrolling past. It was that video of you singing ‘This Woman’s Work’. Oh how much have i missed your voice! I would be lying if i said i didn’t cry, but i pulled through and watched til the end. The way you sang with all your heart, so beautiful, that’s the Jonghyun i have always loved. 

Then after, I listened to your song, ‘End of a day’. I already knew my dams would break with this one so i got my tissues ready. And cried hard did i. But i was able to listen to the end, paying so much attention once again to the tones of your voice and how beautiful it is. 

I don’t know how but somehow after listening to your voice, even though i cried through it, i felt much calmer and stronger. Sigh… look at you, even in heaven you’re still comforting me with your beautiful voice. An angel you really are. And last night after all that, for the first time this entire week, i managed to sleep well. For 10 hours straight. Call it wishful thinking, but im pretty sure it’s because i finally listened to your voice again. That calming voice which i love. 

And today, a Saturday, i woke up to Jinki’s letter. Look at him, the world’s greatest leader. Even in all this chaos, he’s still so strong and reliable. He loves you so much, Jonghyun. And so does all your members. 

I was also able to eat 2 full meals today. I drank more water than i had for each of the past 5 days. I  also watched funny videos of you, Jonghyun. I washed my hair, did my usual skincare routine which i paused since Monday. And now, here i am, about to sleep, with a facial mask to use once i post this.

I think i’m coping better these days.

Jonghyun, i’m doing well right? Please tell me i’m doing well too. Please continue to give me strength and happiness from up above, to help me move on and be myself again, and even in the future. Please be my guiding angel, like what you’ve been for the last 8 years to me. 

You’ve changed the colour of the moon and lamps to our favourite pearlescent aqua, you’ve given us so many signs that you’ve made it to heaven and the skies this past week, thank you for reassuring us fans that you’re doing well up there. Please look after us from above; most importantly, your mother, sister, the members, your friends and loved ones. 

…..

I just want to let you know again, that becoming a fan of SHINee and even more, a fan of you, Jonghyun, is still and will forever be one of the best decisions i have ever made. 

Do you remember that time i first heard SHINee? I saw a group of students performing Ring Ding Dong at a school event and thought it was great so i went to check it out.

Do you remember the time you made me smile and laugh so hard during Hello Baby? I watched the entire thing in 2 days on Youtube, it’ll always be my favourite, i can never forget you and your skinship with baby Yoogeunie.

Do you remember how i was so proud when you released your first solo album? It was amazing!

Do you remember how much happy tears i cried along with you and the boys when SHINee won Best Artist of the Year at Melon Music Awards in 2013? My heart was bursting with pride! 

Do you remember how i went to Seoul in October 2015 and September 2017 and took a picture/selfie next to every standee or advertisement of yours i saw? I didn’t care if i looked weird or funny cos as a fan, that was a golden moment as i never was able to get that close to you.

And of course, do you remember how ecstatic i was when i heard SHINee was coming to Singapore for Music Bank in August and Shilla Duty Free Beauty Concert in November? Who cares how overpriced the tickets were… I was the happiest person when i got them! 

Watching you perform and listening to your beautiful voice live not once but twice, is one of my happiest moments in life, and it will forever be.

…sigh… it sucks when reality hits me and i realize that i won’t be able to see you again, well not in this lifetime at least. But i can assure you, Jjong, that i will never ever forget you.

You may not be in the same form as me, but know that you are everywhere with me. In my heart, in my mind, in my music albums, in my phone’s gallery, in my old study notes that i scribbled your name, in my keychain hung on my bag, in my pearlescent aqua coloured portable charger and sweater, and ofcourse, in my beloved SHINee lightstick. 

I love you and i won’t forget you.

…Before i conclude, i want to say thank you. 

Thank you for being my first ever idol and my first love.

Thank you for making me smile and laugh til i cry.

Thank you for composing and writing such beautiful songs, your music as SHINee and as a solo artist has given me immense strength and happiness and comfort all these years.

Thank you for being an amazing role model, your actions/thoughts/words have inspired me to be a better person.

Thank you for being so strong all these years, and trying your best to fight the negativity.

Thank you for being the best son and the best brother to your mother and sister, your adoration and love for them are the sweetest thing ever.

Thank you for being the kindest, most loving and the most supportive brother to Onew, Key, Minho and Taemin; your love for them and their love for you have shown me what true friendship and family is. 

Thank you for everything, Jonghyun.

And now i think, it’s time. It’s time for me to finally let you go, my beloved puppysaurus. 

Fly high and mingle with the stars and the moon up there. Feel the happiness and peace that you’ve craved and deserve oh so much. Take care.

I will always love you, Jonghyun.

수고했어요. 정말 고생했어요.

May your beautiful soul rest in peace.

[thetotalfailure]

ok i dont feel like randomly bursting into tears ruminating on how stupid i am anymore

but i dont know if thats because ive had coffee and its 3am

which is another problem in of itself

my next counseling appointment isnt for another few weeks

but the first one feels like the dam broke

but it couldve been because of my intense hormone imbalance

but ive felt completely paralyzed

overwhelmed

i havent done anything all week and thats because i end up feeling like i want to cry instead of working so i go do something else which makes it worse

classic. there’s many articles about that online. fascinating. couldnt read them through the tears. why did i even try. i already know what i need to do.

but knowing and doing are two different concepts. ideas. actions.

i havent acted on any thought i have. good and bad. nothing

i dont know what to do at this point

i know venting isnt very productive because then i just end up getting stuck on the negative. and i dont want to shove the negative onto someone else. it helps no one.

its hard being nice to myself.

getting a proper diagnosis would get me on the path to not being like this

taking the steps to get such a thing is. i have so many other things i need to do.

i keep putting everything off.

the cycle

im trying but im not trying but i am trying but its really more like thinking about trying

how do i ask for help

i dont want any help. with doing things that is. i do want help. but not help to get to the help. which is ridiculous of me and why im stuck here not tearing up about it. 

i wish i wasnt like this. but wishing isnt doing. i just need. to. do. something. 

they told me to just sit down and stare at what im supposed to do for only a scheduled time. schedules. right. 

i even failed that. instead of just staring at what im supposed to be doing, i would do other things instead. i couldnt even not do what i wasnt supposed to do. ugh.

be nice to myself? how do i do that.

just turn something crappy in

i know that. i cant even get myself to do that. i cant even crap out the work. and now its late. i dont want to turn in crappy late work. but i know its better than nothing. but now im stuck in this stupid loop about it

its so fucking stupid. i cant use my own advice for myself. be nice to yourself. just turn in something crappy who cares. lower your expectations. dont care about what other people think. 

i dont. but i do. but i dont. but i really do.

i know what im capable of and i want others to know to

my standards for myself are high so i should lower them

but i dont want to seem low to other people

but i will seem low to people if i dont do anything. which is happening because my standards are high and now i have anxiety procrastination

so i should not care what others think and lower my standards for myself and turn in something crappy

oh my god why am i not doing this

and now im upset about me not doing something even after logicking everything out

im

so annoyed and upset and frustrated with myself

i dont think counseling will work but i know its a step in the right direction and maybe ill take the next step into making an appointment with someone else to get me more help because its probably just a chemical imbalance that would be fixed with medication but the complex system to get to that point takes up so much energy that i barely even have any emotional or mental energy to do what i need to do in the present time to get to step 50 and i know what im supposed to do is to break everything up into smaller pieces and delegation is a good step in the right direction but i dont want any help from anyone which is frustrating because there’s nothing wrong with getting help and i really feel like im losing it and i might just drop out of life and just. leave the state or something, not literally leave life. i wouldnt go that far. something silly like live on a farm. 

a decade ago i learned about a lot of psych concepts. rumination. ideas around self fulfilling prophecies and setting oneself up for failure. the big d word. 

although. a decade ago i had a vague unspoken idea about myself then. one i wouldve never allowed to fully voice itself even in my mind. which kind of doesnt make sense but i cant be poetic at the moment. just that. perhaps i wouldn’t exist in a decade.

i guess in a way, the me of the past truly doesn’t exist

but im still here. i exist. i have to deal with what i didnt do a decade ago. which is get help in some way dont get me wrong it isnt making myself not exist. 

it feels kind of awful. a decade of this nonsense with myself. a dance with high standards and letting myself fail from fear of failure. its a dark step in adulthood that i hope many don’t have to experience. the step of realizing that the future exists and i have to plan to exist in it. 

i think ive seen posts like that on this hell site. not having made plans for the future because they didnt expect to make it past a certain age, yet here they are.

it wasnt that . well. i guess in a way it is. i don’t know what i expected. but i certainly didnt plan anything for the future. it was anxiety about it. maybe i spoke about it in a previous entry. 

i hated. well. that might be a little too strong of a word. i disliked my so in hs because all they thought about was the future. their plans for it. their dreams. the little white fence with the 2.5 children and whatnot. i disliked thinking about the future. i enjoyed talking about Dreams for the future. oh lets live together with friends and who will be the DD and who will be the funny roommate and sitcom style adulthood with everyone graduating and having jobs and enjoying life. thats not a semi solid plan for a future. just a dream. something silly friends talk about. nothing serious. why think about what lies in the future when someone didnt really expect to. exist? im not sure what it was i thought. just my vague aspirations. 

wherever the wind takes me.

i still think like that. but i suppose i have a more solid plan/idea for what i want

but its hard. its been easier these days for the dark thoughts to creep back into my brain. easier in the sense that they’ve just taken over completely. why did i think i could do this or that when its easier to just lay in bed all day with the blinds shut and blankets blocking reality from sight. why bother when ive already set myself up to fail. i knew i didnt have to do this. why did i do this. i could just work my way up from the bottom and secure a job thats just barely above minimum wage. but i dont even believe i could do that. everything is so much energy. im even writing this instead of writing what im supposed to be working on. why am i like this

i dont want to talk to anyone else about this because. i already know its not productive the way i think so it would just come out the same nonproductive way. ill drop a thought here and there. but not the full struggle. why tell someone when i can tell a professional and yet i dont even tell the damn professional.

but be nicer to myself

its hard. its hard on my and myself and im hard on me and myself. another horrible cycle.

im tired of all of this. and i dont like being treated as fragile i guess. 

theyve been texting me the past few days with messages of affection and affirmations. its nice but. it just feels empty to me. which is frustrating. i know its just the bad side of my brain telling me to ruin it all completely. i dont know how to voice it without hurting anyone. i want to wait for my next appointment because i know its just my brain being illogical

but everything costs energy. i just simply feel like a time bomb. or maybe ive already gone off and im more like a candle thats burning out

i feel like im burning out

or that im already at the end and im just a whisper of smoke

i know that everyone can be compassionate or understanding and maybe accommodating, but im afraid ill only be met with sternness and a loss of respect somehow. like im just making excuses. especially because its not like im diagnosed officially or anything. i know im not the only one. but it feels like im the only one. and what if i am the only one. i dont want to be singled out 

i dont want to be treated differently. maybe understanding. but. not differently. not negatively.

they. i dont want them to stop but i dont even understand what i want instead, so i dont want to stop them. in a way it shows they care because they do care but. it feels shallow. i dont know what i want from them at all. which is probably why i want to press the self destruct button and ruin it for both of us. but thats unfair to them and thats unfair to me. so i should just talk to them about it. effective communication. 

back to step one i suppose. i need the energy to do. anything. anything at all. god d

be nice to myself. that’s hard.

[classycollectorartisanposts-blog]

Will my insurance rate go up for this careless?

"Will my insurance rate go up for this careless?

i was driving down the road day after we got all that snow in december i hit a mail box and went in a really shallow ditch ..couldnt get out... left my car there for the night thinking it would be ok... in the morning car wasnt there so called o.p.p they said ya they have my car they just wanted to talk  lol so i go thre he wrote me up a carless and leaving seen of accident ..he asked wanna go through insurance i replied no i will pay for the mail box myself which i did. no one was hurt only the mailbox...the carless was a 490.00 fine.. does anyone know how much my rate would go up just for a silly little careless like that??""

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://saleinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Dear frnds i m intending to sell jewellery at ebay and i wanna insured items before shipping it to customers can u guys suggees me a good insurance company.i want item to be insured until it reaches to customers hand.

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Ok so I got my Service/MOT, Insurance and Road tax at the end of the month, I've been driving for 1 year now and touch wood I wont crash by the end of the month to get my 1st year no claims. I currently have a Renault clio 1.2 However in about 6 months I would like to change to a Audi A3 1.6 as my insurance will be cheaper with the 1 year no claims. (Had to get a 1.2 for the 1st year as Insurance would be crazy) I am currently getting quotes from Admiral and Diamond insurance for a annual fee of about 670 or Monthly installments that come to 1000, so Ideally I will just pay the full year off. But as I said in 6 months ill change cars and by the time Ill sell and buy a new car there could be 2 months where I'm not even driving, and don't want to pay for insurance for not even driving about. I can't find on these dam insurance sites about if i can put my insurance on hold (Admiral). Not sure if I will get charged if I put it on hold or not, as all these insurance company's are very sligh. and Should I pay the Road tax for the whole year or just the 6 months? Also what's the best place to buy/sell cars? ebay / auto trader? (I bought mine from the Motorline Renault garage)""

OK here's a good one. I have a 2002 Dodge 4 door Neon. I need insurance fast. But I need it cheap.?

As cheap as I can get it. I need it for work. I have not had it covered before. Also I live in Illinois. Im seperated and the only one driving it. And I need it fast and cheap. Any ideas on where I can go? Please I need only serious answers, please! Ty""

I have a small business liability insurance question?

We have a contract that will probably not generate that many call if any after the first one and the company wants us to carry them on our general liability insurance. I dont feel we should as its an added expense for something we will probably not get a call from again. what is the opinion of the answers people

Car Insurance Question?

I am filling out paperwork for an insurance quote. I wanted to know if the lock/unlock/panicbutton key lock device considered an anti theft device? I would also appreciate if any one could recommend any car insurance agencies. Thank you.

What is the least expensive car insurance money can buy?

So i REALLY need a car, but i CANNOT afford insurance. Honestly, if it was legal to not have insurance on a car, i would do that. So the only reason i'm getting insurance is so that i'm legal on the road. I don't care if the insurance covers only the tires of the car, what is the least expensive company and quote i can get?""

Insurance cost?

Im a 16 year old male. Just got into wreck last thursday, not my fault. insurance stayed same. before wreck it dropped $20. I only have liabilty right now. Was 80 now it is 60. My car was a 1995 eclipe which i bought for $3500 and i paid $480 for 6 months. Now if i had that car i'd pay, $360. How much would it cost for6 months to buy a $7,000-$10,000 car. State farm is my carrier. And I do have experience. Make good grades and did steer clear""

Can your parents pay your car insurance?

Keep in mind, they don't have a car!! I know i sounds crazy""

Car insurance for men vs. women?

I was debating with a male that all other things equal that female car insurance is typically less then males. He was arguing that its the other way around. Who pays more for car insurance, men or women? And is there a accurate website I can look at for these statistics?""

What auto insurance should I have for a car that stays in garage?

I live in California, I do have a car that I am not using anymore and it stays in the garage until I decide to sell it. By California law, is there any law that you must have insurance for car? even if it is not being used. if there is a law then what is my best options for auto insurance? Thanks, I appreciate any answer!""

What does a full coverage insurance cover?

If my car was in an accident and i have a full coverage insurance plan what exactly does the insurance cover? The car was totalled and can no longer be used.

How much is insurance on a lamborghini?

I'm 16 and thinking about getting this as my first car and just wondering the insurance.

Does anyone know an insurance company that offers cheap/free SR-22's for license ?

need it to keep my lic. valid. ASAP... help please!

Whats the cheapest car insurance?

Whats the cheapest car insurance?

Insurance on this type of car?

I am planning on buying a 1993 Mitsubishi 3000GT. I own a little hatchback and wanting to dramatically upgrade! lol I only have liability, full coverage is to expensive right now. But anyways, the car is red (some ppl say that matters, idk if it does), V6, and really sporty. On liability, how much do you think its going to cost per month???""

New Driving Licence - Insurance?

Okay Heres the plan! Im 18! Ive passed my driving test today, and looking for car insurance the cheapest way ive found is using my mothers policy with 19 years experiance with no claims ever, however shes never had her own policy.. were going to share the same car 1.6 escort 16v quite a hefty engine for my age yeah but still cheapest i can get it, is 1900 Any tips to make it cheaper, or what ever Ive tried all the top brands, equity, tesco, aa, ,quinn direct, churchill, direct line etc so far quinn is the cheapest.. but the first initial premium month is too much to pay (400) help!""

""First time buyer buys a new car, how much was your interest RATE?""

Maybe I mean insurance instead of interest, I'm not sure, I don't know that much. I've heard that first time buyers, when buying a car, had little to no interest simply because they've never bought before. Is this true? Please give examples.""

""What can I, as a 19 year old guy, do to get cheap car insurance?""

Right now I'm just looking for cars with small engines and constantly checking on comparison sites to get a good quote... So for I got 1900 for a 1L 1999 Vauxhall Corsa, which is still far too expensive, but what else can I do? I know about Pass Plus and other things, but any help/advice/links would really, really help...""

What's the cheapest deal/ car insurance i can get as an 18 year old girl (just passed)?

Passed my test yesterday. Which car/ which insurers would be the cheapest. I would happily have a black box etc. Might it be cheaper to have a parent as the named driver? I need to find insurance for around 1000 ideally. (Less would be great but don't think its likely). Thank you

Speeding ticket in california with no inssurance?

My friend jst bought a car from sacramento and i was driving it since it was manual he was jst learning and i was speeding in the freeway on a 70 went 86 and i got pulled over .. with no insurance since we were going to transfer hes old insurance in hes old car to this new one toyota xrs 06... how much will it cost me for the ticket and the no insurance please help me i have no idea what to do ?

What is the difference between the insurance for the cars and motorcycles ?

Which one is cheap in terms of insurance ?

What is the most quality/cheapest insurance to get for a car in the US?

Like for someone in their mid 20s

Will my insurance rate go up for this careless?

i was driving down the road day after we got all that snow in december i hit a mail box and went in a really shallow ditch ..couldnt get out... left my car there for the night thinking it would be ok... in the morning car wasnt there so called o.p.p they said ya they have my car they just wanted to talk  lol so i go thre he wrote me up a carless and leaving seen of accident ..he asked wanna go through insurance i replied no i will pay for the mail box myself which i did. no one was hurt only the mailbox...the carless was a 490.00 fine.. does anyone know how much my rate would go up just for a silly little careless like that??""

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/tip-cheap-car-insurance-young-drivers-without-box-christopher-lawman/"

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BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://salecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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How much would extra would i pay for another car on my policy?

I currently own 2 cars and am looking to buy another one. It is a 99 crown vic police int P71. I dont want collision or anything extra, i want the lowest insurance policy that i can get. Im taking that, that would be a liability only policy, am i correct? If not what kind of policy do i ask for? Also, how much more a month would this cost? No one will steal it because its a former cop car, but you couldnt tell and i doubt i will reck it.""

Will a provisional influence car insurance?

Hi guys, Im thinking about getting myself a car when Im 17 and Im looking into the insurance and what type to look for so I can save and know what Im looking for. So I was wondering if I have a provisional moped license will that help to lower my car insurance? and what car should I be looking for that cheap and easy to run and best on the insurance. Thanks in advance for your help.""

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are we required to have insurance? do all companies have to offer insurance now? What percentage do companies have to pay for insurance? Thanks

Who has best price on motorcylcle insurance?

I have a harley davidson ultra - its 800 yearly - my cars cost less. I am with geico

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hi there people, Since passing my test in December, I have been looking to buy (and insure) a car. Shortly I will be able to afford a little run around and have been getting insurance quotes for cars like the Fiesta and Corsa. I have noticed that over the last few months comparison site quotations have jumped from an average of 1800 to 3000 for someone in my circumstances. I have read and understand why car insurance has been hiked up, no win no fee claims are more popluar, fraud and bogus claims and economic recession are responsible for a massive increase in car insurance premiums...Im so angry at these things. I cannot believe this as I though 1800 was extortionate to begin with. I have found Elephant insurance who are quoting me reasonable prices however, back to around the 1800 mark. Please can you recommend any other good car insurers for first time drivers. I am 33 and live in Manchester England. All the big name insurance sites that appear on comparison sites see like a rip off, so any smaller insurers you have had experience of would be useful;, Thanks.""

Suggestions on cheap home insurance?

I'm looking for an economical home insurance that will be able to cover the inside only. I'm looking for suggesting, mostly not well known companies since they can be a bit more pricey.""

Does anyone know a reliable life insurance company that is also inexpensive?

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Going on my dads car insurance...question?

My dad has Triple A auto insurance ..I do not live with him I am on my own in my own house, I never ask my family for help. But right now my tabs are expired and since I am only 20 I cannot afford auto insurance..they want me to put 300 down just for no fault and I think its ridiculous, Right now I dont have 300 dollars either so I asked my dad if he could help me out temporarily and put me on his car insurance ..i have a 98 cavalier so it shouldnt be that bad. its been 2 weeks and he keeps saying hes talking to the agent after tomorrow I can no longer drive my car because my tabs say march and april is comming up, I told him I would pay whatever costs to add me on it and whatever he needed a month. I was just wondering if they charge extra to add me on his insurance and my car or is he just making it up because I dont think It should take that long...like I said I am living on my own have never lived with my dad because he was in jail for a long time, moved out when i was 18 and can't get help from my mom or him,,I cant even ask to borrow money from them yet I can loan my dad 200 dollars. Feel like its so wrong, I think im doing pretty good being 20 years old working full time owning a house my own car that I bought myself and going to school...and Im having my first child.""

Where can I get the third party insurance?

I am travelling in New Zealand and I am looking for a temporary third party insurance policy. I am a non resident of New Zealand and was wondering if anyone knows where i can get an insurance policy?

Insurance.?

Does anyone Own a Mustang GT Bullitt and by any chance happen to know how much the insurance usually is?

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With a good student discount and a defensive driving course. Also how much would it be for a charger

Looking for good medical insurance BUT AFFORDABLE?

i'm a senior age 62 wife 69,still working my medical insurance at work is 185.00 per payroll 307.00 per month it's killing where can i get good insurance but affordable.i live in california also i'm planing in retiring july 2013,i'll be 63, yahoo answers find me insurance i put my trust in answers people thank you gilley p.s. no kids""

Should I use my insurance to pay for car damage and will my rate go up?

I scratched some ladies car as I was parking and was wondering if I should go to my insurance to fix the scratch. Its on the front passanger door guard molding and isnt even that big. Its like a foot long and maybe half an inch wide but I was wondering if I go to my insurance to take care of it if it will raise my rate up or if they will be cool about it. I checked around and she supposedly got a quote for $180 but I found places that will paint it for about $75 and one that will do it for $30-40 if the paint is available. I am also a student so I cant be messing around since I dont have alot of money saved up : (

How much would it cost to get insurance on these mopeds?

Separately, how much would it cost (roughly)? I am doing this for an E-Consumerism project, but I may also want to actually buy the Duke Touring. Can anyone give me a rough estimate, in dollars, for the cost of each? Please leave some sort of source so I know you didn't just make it up.""

What is the cheapest auto insurance?

What is the cheapest auto insurance?

Using business address zip code for cheaper car insurance?

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Car insurance?

which car would be the cheapest to insure for a newly qualified driver aged 19 male uk thanks in advance

Do you still have to get insurance if you have a license but don't have a car?

I'm 17 and want to get a driver's license. I won't have a car for a couple years, so do I still need to get insurance?""

Whats the cheapest car insurance?

im 18 and a new driver

Motorcycle Insurance cost in Ontario?

I know it depends on a lot so I'll give you as much info as possible: age: 18 bike: honda cbr125r driving(car) record: spotless -the bike will be kept in my house overnight, and I'll only be using inner city (for work, school, social..) So guys I just need a rough estimate, doesn't have to be exact. how much would it cost be per year? Also, is insurance less if you're female like with car insurance? thanks for any help!""

What are teenage driving insurance rates for girls?

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Nissan 370z insurance cost?

Hi, im 16, and im looking into getting a 2009 370z next year. I already have the financing calculated and I can afford the monthly payments with the job i currently have. But I know the insurance would rock my wallet. And that's if they even DO insure me. So my question is, will insurance even take me? If they do, roughly how much yearly? Do you think its too expensive? Should i look into a used 350z? Thanks in advance.""

How much would insurance be for an 18 year old with a Ninja 600?

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Motorcycle Insurance?

I got into a car accident almost 2 years ago and I was wondering if it will effect me when I get insurance for my motorcycle?

How much would be my car insurance? I'm 18 years old?

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cheap auto insurance

A GOOD first car that is great for insurance?

i need a car that will b a good first car for a 16 year old male. it has to be reliable, safe, low cost, and has to have low insurance. any suggestions?""

A question about insurance on a car?

ok i live in england, and i am 27yrs old, i drive and have my own insurance which is fully comp, as i am over 26 i can drive any car third party, my boyfriend is just starting to learn to drive and since neither of his parents drive, hes going to have to get his own car with his own insurance on, which is obviously going to be quite high as hes a new driver, hes 20yrs old. we got told that if he put me on his insurance as a second driver then it would work out a bit cheaper for him, but im wondering if this is true, as i can drive his car anyway on my insurance, so im not sure if its legal to go on his or if they will let me. any advice would be appreciated.""

Does anyone know about 'Gap Insurance' to cover the cost between ?

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How to catch more insurance clients???

I am Life Insurance Agent. I am just trying to find out more clients to develop my insurance business.

Term Life Insurance at age 21?

I am 21 and I was wondering if I should purchase a $1,000,000 term life insurance policy through USAA. I received a quote for $42.19 (and an additional $11.66 for waiver of disability) and the premium is guaranteed for 30 years. Do I need this policy at my age? Also, should I get the Waiver of Disability for $11.66 more per month? All answers are appreciated!""

What Cars Have the Best Car Insurance Rates?

What Cars Have the Best Car Insurance Rates?

Confused.com form for car insurance?

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Getting insurance for a car?

my step daughters cousin is buying her a used car. tiffany does not have a license yet. she has her learners permit. we live in pennsylvania. her cousin does not want the insurance in her name she wants my step daughter to get it. can you get insurance without a license? she lives with her dad, can she get on his policy? would she automaticaly be on her cousins insurance since she will own the car? thank you""

Can I insure my car in California if it is registered in Oklahoma?

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""Insurance policy,,,,,,,,,,,?

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I am 19 years old and my mother is taking me off her insurance and I need to found another insurance company but I work at Zaxby's. Any suggestions

What are life insurance quotes and its advantage?

What are life insurance quotes and its advantage?

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How much does car insurance cost?

Im planning on getting a 2012 honda accord coupe. will it be more expensive to insure compared to the sedan model or will it only be a slight expensive?

Teen Motorcycle Insurance in ontario?

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Car insurance?

im trying to look for a cheap car insurance company any ideas??

16 year old insurance question?

i dont wanna hear the bs about only a agent can quote me i want a average of the cost for a 16 year old male! driving a old truck with driver ed paper saying that i passed umm i exspect it to be 100$ monthly?

National insurance for under 16s?

If a 14 year old set up an online business in england, when it comes to paying taxes how can they fill in the tax form if the don't have a national insurance number. Can a 14 year old have a national insurance number??""

Does a car absolutely need insurance and plates?

I'm going away to college so I will not be using my car for while. My mom wants to sell it, but I know if she does I may never get a replacement. She says that it needs insurance and a new sticker and if she doesn't get them it ruins her record or something like that, but if the car is not going to be moved at all does it really need that?""

Can you get insurance for something you order online?

I'm buying a macbook pro from Pc world but will I be able to get insurance?

Can i insure a car in one state and register in another?

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UK car insurance for 17 year old male... Please Help...?

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LEGAL!? Can I be added into my friend's car insurance?

Hi, gentlemen. I got my driver license(in CA) and a used car the other day, and I have to get my car insurance. Here is the question. Is it legal for me to be added into my friend's insurance(AAA)? He told me that I would save money if did so. Is it legal to do so even though I'm not his siblings or relatives? I'm an international student, so I wanna save money as much as possible. Thanks for reading. Every answer helps!!!""

How much would my insurance go up?

I'm looking at getting a coupe for my first car. Possibly a 2010 Camaro or Mustang. As of now my mom and I share her car, a Cadillac CTS. The insurance for myself is about $140 a month (I'm 16) so if I got a coupe, around how much of a jump would that make my insurance go up?""

Medicate and your own private insurance ?

A friend of mine stated that even If u have insurance (private insurance at that) that u can sign up for emergency Medicare If your insurance only covers a certain amount of your procedure. Is that true? I find that to be nonsense!

cheap auto insurance

cheap auto insurance

How much would i pay for car insurance? Estimate?

I know that it depends on a lot of factors but can you estimate how much i would pay for car insurance on a monthly basis - I am 18 years old - will be driving either a 1999 or 2000 model - will be attending college after the summer - clear background - this will be my first car - I live in a very wired and exotic place called MARYLAND

What are the average insurance rates in ontario?

like yearly, and how much would it cost for me to insure my car right after i get my license?""

Do I have to pay for insurance on a moving van rental?

I want to rent a moving van from Uhaul. They won't let me rent the van unless I pay for their insurance coverage. Is that legal?

I need insurance on a car I just bought what should I tell the insurance company I am using it for?

I am planning on using it for all 3 options so I am wondering what one will cost the least. The options are Commute, Business, and Pleasure.""

Cheap car insurance for 18 year old?

Ok my younger brother is looking for cheap car insurance, hes just turned 18 and is looking at cars in the 400 region, there has been loads of nice looking cars for that price all fully working but obviously reasonably old. this is fine but when it comes to insurance some companies have quoted up to 8000!! I was just wondering if anyone had any tips that could help us out? aiming for under 1000 if possible! Thanks. Mark.""

With millions of people losing their jobs and health insurance every month....?

can you see why we need affordable health coverage for all Americans? When I left my job, my option to keep my Insurance for a year would cost $1,300 a month for me and my family. As we see more and more Americans lose their jobs and unable to afford health insurance, the crisis only grows. If you don't believe we should have a government health care program that covers all Americans, what is your solution?""

Car accident involving two parties with same insurance company?

Hi there, My dad was involved in a car accident where the other party was at fault in WA state. Both parties have same insurance company. The Insurance company deemed the car as a total loss and sent a check of $4000. Meanwhile my dad had to go to a doctor because his neck is super stiff. Did anyone have similar experiences? $4000 isn't enough for a new car, and they can't afford car payments at this time (my mom has was just laid of), should we get a lawyer to contact the insurance company to demand higher compensation? Thanks!""

Where can I find cheaper car insurance quotes?

I'm 17 in a few months, have a car, and have been checking insurance quotes. From my previous experience of quotes from Churchill, Quinn-Direct, Directline etc. it doesn't cost much, if at all, to insure on my provisional license with hopes of changing the policy to insure me on a full license in the future. I have got a 1997, 3 door, 5 seater, diesel peugeot 106 with a 1.6 litre engine and the best insurance quote I have recieved so far was from Quinn, but they have recently stopped insuring in the UK so I won't be able to use it when I am 17...They gave me a quote of around 800 whereas everyone else are offering me 1,500. Does anyone know of any other companies who can give me cheaper comprehensive cover? Thanks for any answers""

Hit and Run Insurance Claim: How do you go about it?

I have case # from the police. Will the Insurance company send someone to check the car or should I have to get them quotes?

Cheap used cars and cheap insurance?

i need a cheap used small car anyone have any ideas where it would be reliable to get one..? not auto trader because i cant exactly trust a randomer selling a car which is probly going to break down 2 days later.... any ideas of something or places plz

How much to insure a 20 year old female learner on mothers insurance for one month in ireland?

i am 20 and want to learn to drive in my mums car (citron saxo 2001) how much roughly would it be to add me to the insurance for one month if ive never had lessons and have only had a provisional licence for 2 months? i live in ireland thanks

Insurance for a teenager?

I just got my license but my parents dont want to put my name under insurance because they dont want their insurance price to go up. I recently heard from a friend that you can put your name under your parents insurance and say you're only using the car 10% of the time and they dont raise your insurance? Is this true? If not, what can i do to not increase the insurance price for my parents. I really want to drive their car.""

I cancel my car insurance because I sold my car.?

I was told by the car insurance company that I have my car insurance that I would have a laspe in my insurance. I was also told that I would not be able to purchase insurance with another company. Why is this? Why should I keep my insurance if I don't have a car and won't be purchasing one for awhile?

Need cheaper car insurance?

right now im paying 388 with a company called dairyland insurnace. i have points on my license right now. and it is killing me. the car is a 06 dodge stratus. should i raise my deductible? switch to aig insurnace. this is just way too much. the lowest id prefer to go is 300 even. anyone know any good companies or the best way to find cheap insurnace . should i look in the yellow pages and not the net

How much will my car insurance increase after a 4 point speeding ticket?

The ticket will also go down to be a 2 point ticket when i pay it Im a 16 year old girl, i live in colorado, i have state farm car insurance...how many dollars will the insurance increase? my parents told me i have to pay the difference in car insurance now""

Which family car has the lowest insurance rates in Toronto and why?

Which family car has the lowest insurance rates in Toronto and why?

Whats the best way to cancel my car insurance?

Iv had my car insured fully come with Halifax since the 28th Dec and iv already paid around 450 on the policy but as they will not give me any sort of discount on to add my new car on the policy I want to cancel it but they want me to pay another 300 to cancel it, its only been insured for a month and I agreed to pay 1600 per year and they want nearly half of it, would it affect future insurance if I just cancelled it anyway?""

Which is the best Health Insurance and Car insurance in NYC? if you know the answer to each or any let me know

Thanks.... Car insurance i am looking for the cheapest as far as health insurance i am considering HIP PRime but not sure if its good.. if you know about hip let me know if thats a good choice.. only reason why i might choose that is because there are no copay and no deductibles :) FREE lol but i want to make sure its a good choice... besides the obviouse.. take care and i am thanking you in advance for your advise

Why does the Affordable Health Care Act make health care more expensive?

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2012/dec/10/obamacare-fee-of-63-per-person-to-begin-in-2014/ If the name was correct, shouldn't costs be going down? What would be a ...show more""

What is the cheapest month to Insure a Car in UK?

Hi Ive been recently doing insurance quote searches Ive found out that during summer period car insurance is around 200 more than if you was to do a insurance search in winter ? So does anyone know which month is cheaper ?

Ontario motorcycle insurance help?

im a 17 year old male wanting to get my m1 and buy a 1985 yamaha virago, and i really don't know where i can insure it for cheap because of the year most insurance places in ontario wont insure it, id have the Absolute bare minimum so it would be cheapest. please help""

Any ideas about how much insurance would be for this car?

I'm thinking about buying a Mitsubishi Eclipse soon. My bro has one and i drove it a few times and loved it. My current insurance company charges me $30 per month on a Loaded 2003 Ford Taurus SES. Any idea what they would charge for a sports car like an 02 5 speed manual Eclipse or Eclipse GT? And yes, i realize i could just call my company and ask them, but they dont have 24/7 calling and i don't wanna wait til tomorrow Lol Thanks in advance!""

Car & Health Insurance?

How pathetic of a country are we, that car insurance is mandatory, even criminal if we don't have it, yet health insurance is not? What does this say about us as a society?""

How much would it honestly cost me for a Kawasaki Ninja 250 '08?

Im 16 getting a permit very soon, working at a summer job and when the summer is over, going to work at a local pet store or grocery store (part time because of school, so ill be getting minimum wage..) By the end of the summer, i will have about 1,300. As you can see, im looking at a ninja '08 but of course thats not set in stone because i am only 16. But I am really dedicated to have the time for it and I am trying to get the money now. My dad said he will probably put me on his insurance, but since it is a motorcycle and I am young, I'm not sure how much the insurance is... Also, I have read 10,000 people say the Ninja 250 is a really good beginner bike, so if anything i would buy a used one. How much would the used bike, insurance, equitment (helmet, etc), and locks for the bike cost in total? Thxx a lot""

Where can i find a cheap car insurance?

i live in UK from 2011 and i am self employed. i have a very cheap vauxhall and i pay nearly 2000 a year on car insurance. i want to have a second car to be clean and for social use only but i will need to pay an extra 1000 per year. i am 27 years old and have 5 years EU driven licence. can you advise me in any way?

cheap auto insurance

cheap auto insurance

Is group insurance cheaper than individual policies dollar for dollar?

I know they give discounts when husband and wife enroll but if you have the same insurance carrier,united of omaha, is the group going to be cheaper necessarily?""

Health insurance .?

hello...i am 33 year old and going to school full-time. anyone out there know any cheap health insurance that i can apply for? i am mostly healthy but just in case. plus does the government support full-time students with at least health insurance? i am from memphis tn are. thank you!!!

My car is registered in wisconsin how can I get insurance in california?

My mother bought me a car in wisconsin and i live in california, but the car is still registered in her name in WI. how do i get insurance coverage without having to register the car in my name? is it possible?""

How much would my car insurance be in new york?

i'm 27, this is my first buying a car, thinking buying a honda accord ex 2003 2 doors. but i'm a little concern about the cost of my car insurance for this particular one? please serious answers""

SSN check for auto insurance - WHY ?

I've received a number of answers for the question. It seems that in a number of cases the quote that's received depends on how good or bad your credit is. What's the difference if someone has bad credit, as long as he's a good driver? Insurance premiums are paid in advance so why the credit check ?""

Car Insurance - No claims question?

If you have been banned for a year, and are now back and allowed legally to drive, can you continue to use/put down your no claims bonus. For example, if you had 9 years, then were banned for a year, can you put the 9 down this year? Or does the ban wipe that out? As the ban wasn't a claim on the insurance, can it still be used? Does anyone know, or any ideas where I could check this out? Looking for quotes online and Im not sure which number to put in.""

Affordable Health insurance Ideas?

I enrolled in health insurance that is costing me 92/mth BUT I'm really feeling it as I have many other expenses. Can anyone suggest any low price healthcare insurance for me. currently with Coventry. I need an insurance that has good therapist that make home visits. Thanks

How much is a g35 coupe insurance?

I am a 17 male and am about to buy a 2004 g35 and was wondering how much insurance was. I have a clean slate, no accidents or tickets. I have farmers insurance and was wondering how much my monthly insurance would be roughly? I have a good gpa of above 3.0 so doesn't that give me a discount?""

What to do with my auto insurance?

hello I plan to give my 18 year old daughter my car and I plan to get another car. Does anyone know how does this work. I mean I not only will be putting her on my insurance but I will be adding another car. Will I have to pay double because of this? Or would it be cheaper for her own insurance and if I should leave the car I am giving her in my name or put in her name?

Car insurance for young drivers UK?

im 17 atm and passed my test last week ive been looking at car insurance for a cars but the insurance is really expensive for a 17 year old what are cheap car insurances for young drivers in the uk?

Does car insurance cost the same for every car?

I'm 18 and right now I have 800 for a car, but the one I want is 4000, would the car insurance on that cost more than the 800 one?""

Is it true that your auto insurance company considers the color of your vehicle when determining rate?

I am buying a new car, and I've heard that your insurance rates may go up or down depending on the color of your car. I've heard that a red car has higher insurance rates, while white cars are the lowest. Is that true?""

Will i need cash deposit or visa to get rental car after accident in which other party is at fault?

i did not have insurance at time of accident. i live in california.

How much did your insurance go up?

I am unemployed. My wife has me, our son, and herself on her job group rate medical insurance. Up to October this year, for the last 10 years, she pays $79.00 per month for medical ...show more""

Which insurance company is father of reinsurer?

i need to know the answer for my interview in an insurance company. also which company is biggest insurance company in world.

Is auto insurance cheaper in Texas than California?

Is auto insurance cheaper in Texas than California?

What is the best and cheapest car insurance for a 17yr old in London?

I'm not 17 yet, but I am next year. I was wondering, what are the best sites or companies for cheap insurance for cars?""

I changed my car and the insurance is so expensive?

Hello Everyone, Ive changed my car and I've bought Mazda RX8, the thing is my insurance does not insure these type of car, and they said send us the certificate and we will send you a 3 NCB. I've checked many sites such us moneysupermarket, confused.com etc. and they cheapest quote was 2200 per year. anyone knows how can i get a cheaper insurance for this car ? Thanks""

Can your car be towed if you have no insurance?

Can your car be towed if you do not have insurance on your car? I was in an accident where the other car did not have insurance on the car that was not his. The police gave us a ticket, which it was our fault, I'm not denying that, but the police drove off not having the car towed . It kinda makes me wonder if the cop let them go with no ticket or anything.""

How much will a 21 year old pay for car insurance?

I am 21 years old and kinda new to america. i wanna get a car. how much do you think i will be paying for the insurance. i am experienced driver. any info. would be helpful. thank you

Insurance change help?

i am with geico and i want to go to allstate do i surrender my plates to switch insurance or do i keep the plates and call they and they will transfer me

Can a health insurance company abroad outside the USA look up my health insurance information ?

If I provide them with my insurance policy and other info can they look up my health insurance information?

Which insurance companies will let me drive other cars whilst fully comp at 21?

Which insurance companies will let me drive other cars whilst fully comp at 21?

How much dose it cost to rent a car in NYC for a week ( including insurance?)?

How much dose it cost to rent a car in NYC for a week ( including insurance?)?

Car Rental Insurance?

I will be going to the US soon. I am a US citizen but do not live in the US. I will be going to visit family for a month and will be renting a car. My question is this, do I need to get the insurance from the vendor or is there a 3rd party insurance I can puchase? Most of the car rental places have LDW / CDW insurance for purchase but this almost doubles the cost of rental. My credit cards and car insurance here in my country of residence do not cover car rentals so I will have to get something. Does anybody know of a different route to take other than purchasing at the vendor?""

cheap auto insurance

cheap auto insurance

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