#or if you're just trapped by the emotional rock in your shoe

[fagnumopus]

I wanna start by clarifying that there are a lot of circumstances in which like... the room is not right, the vibe is not right, the people are shitty, your story isn't interesting or related to the vibes, your story is going for too long, etc etc... so like yes there ARE moments in which this won't work, and you do just kinda have to figure that out with experience... BUT, that being said, there are ways to demand attention without coming off as entitled or bitchy. I urge y'all to look at Drag Queens and the whole culture of being loud and obnoxious and taking up space while still being SO goddamn charismatic. Saying stuff like, "HOLD UP HOLD UP y'all listen, and after that...", interrupting an intereuptor with "girl if you DON'T let me talk" with a smile and a playful tone, continuing with a "wait cause I'm not done, here's the kicker...", stopping someone from segwaying with a random part of your story with "bitch hold the questions for the end of the class"

Ofc different crowds demand a different approach and language, but the idea is the same: you can bring the attention back to yourself in a playful tone, and it both calls out the people who aren't being socially mindful and also doesn't come off as entitled

[ilovetoxicfictionalmen]

Cillian Characters on Valentine's Day

Little blurbs for my favourites on v day. 18+ only.

Thomas Shelby.|

You'd actually forgotten what day it was. He had a meeting at the crack of dawn, you always knew better than to give a snarky comment on his business affairs. Even raising your brows at a professional matter could make him act wilfully. You were dozy as he brushed his lips against yours whilst he murmured sweet nothings before departing your bedroom.

In the middle of the day, he called you from his office to check up on you. As you wandered in a small circles by the telephone whilst conversing on his day, you were caught off guard as he told you how much he loved you. Blushing like a schoolgirl, you reciprocated it back and he assured you that he'd be home for dinner, not forgetting to mention how badly he wanted to see you.

Frances had to remind you what day it was when you wondered why the dining room was being set up so lavishly. Your heart fluttered and core clenched at the ideas of how your night would unfold, just you and Tommy. Slipping into his favourite dress right before he was expected to return, you heard his car engine roar fiercely and tires crunch over the gravel.

His cold demeanour vanished as he saw you appear on the staircase, in complete awe of you in all of that emerald green. After sliding off his coat, he held his arms wide, polished shoes dragging over the floorboards.

"Come here my love, let me get a good look at you" he ordered kindly.

You're cocooned in his arms, his lips nipping at yours as he inhaled your scent.

"Happy valentine's day, my darling" he whispered before giving you a deep, long sensual kiss.

You hardly took a bite out of your entree when Tommy lifted you onto the table and let his true hunger be satisfied. Making sure that the whole house could hear how deeply in love you were with one another. His cock pounded into you with his teeth dug deep into the tender skin of your neck. Your needy hips rocked on his throbbing member as your legs trapped his waist, keeping him inside of you.

The main course was ice cold by the time you with both ready for it.

Jonathan Crane.|

Romance was never Jonathan's forte. His methods of intimacy were unique, often viewed as unnatural by others. It was always you that gave the sweet conventional gestures, that always left a darker shade on his cheeks. But Jonathan was mysterious and knew how to catch you off guard.

You arrived to work, a small bouquet of white roses on your desk. Accompanied by a note that said, For My Seraphina.

Derived from seraphim (the high angels), the pet name he gave you reflects on how rare, beautiful and almost unattainable your presence is in his life. The angel that reminded him that there is still light in the darkness.

He enjoyed simple tokens of appreciation, often expressed by words. Not to mention, those simple gestures were already testing his emotion distance and lack of tenderness in his dark heart. The last thing Jonathan wanted to do was be seen as weak. Even though he was always vulnerable and raw with you in private.

When you saw him that evening, he acted as if it was a normal day. Because to him, it essentially was, he found the idea of dedicating a day for romance to be stupid.

But it was all shown in his kiss with how much he did care about your affections. By how he gazed into your eyes for a moment longer, the way his cold lips searched for your warmth.

The gentle, calculated speed he used to drive his cock into your dripping warmth. Ensuring that you screamed in pure pleasure around him. That your legs trembled like leafs in the wind and eyesight blurred.

Afterwards, he ate your sweet juices up for hours, keeping you squirming and begging for mercy with the dangerous tool called his tongue. When it was all over, his hands kept you body closer to his, desperate to you connected as one while he whispered how much you meant to him in your sleepy state.

Jackson Rippner.|

Unfortunately despite with how obsessed and possessive Jackson was of you, work still came first. He was away on another business trip, the special day falling right in middle of it. But he still found a way to make it up to you.

You woke up to a delivery man holding the largest bouquet of glitter red roses you'd ever seen. Your cheeks turned the shade of the flowers as you read the elegant note.

I know I'm not there, but you know that I'll make it up to you. When I get back, you'll forget what day this holiday falls on - J

Right as the door clicked shut, your phone went off. There was no need to read the caller ID, his timing was always a chilling coincidence. "Happy valentine's day, baby girl" he purred over the phone.

He always had you looking out the windows, somehow his presence just always felt near, as if he was breathing down your back. But those gut feeling were always full of adrenaline and excitement, which always dripped down out of your core.

"I booked you a spa day at your favourite spot. All inclusive for you, just think of me during the facial, okay?" he teased playfully.

Coming home refreshed and rejuvenated from your elegant pampering, you were shocked to see the bedroom ceiling filled with red balloons. The king sized bed covered in red rose petals, he always knew how they were your favourite. But on top of that was a series of perfectly wrapped gifts full of lavish taste and expensive materials.

A part of you hoped he was home, but you had to hold onto some sense of realism. Later that night, Jackson called you. Quickly it led on to explicit phone sex, your fingers deep in your tunnel as you imagined it to be his cock. He wanted you to tell him exactly what you wanted him to do to you. Jackson promised you that he'd fill those desires as soon as he got home.

You whined in a high pitch, Jackson came hard, wishing that he could see your pathetic expressions underneath him. He stayed on the phone until you drifted off into a blissful slumber.

When Jackson did return a couple of weeks later, he fulfilled his promise of making you forget what day Valentine's day fell on. All while you wore the new set of lingerie he brought for you.

Lenny Miller.|

Sleeping with your boss always felt like strictly business. It was just sex to pass the time and ease the stress. Or as you thought it was. The promise of having dinner together always felt empty on his behalf. It was like he was only saying it to continue to get in your pants.

So when he did take you out for dinner, it just felt like a coincidence that it was on Valentine's Day. It was a top notch restaurant all waiters dressed like penguins. It did make you feel special, you couldn't remember the last time someone put this much effort in for you.

You made out in the elevator, you hand palming at his bulge. Holding your hand as he guided you to the hotel room, your eyes widened as you saw the dimmed candle lit bedroom. His chest pressed against your back, his arms snaked around your front.

"Happy Valentine's Day, princess" he whispered through his wide grin.

He was protective of you. That night showed you how he'd never allow you to get hurt, not under his watch. He'd always make sure he had eyes on you one way or another. Even though you were his agent trained for worst case scenarios, he'd never truly put you in danger. Lenny would rather get caught in the crossfire than send you off to your initable death.

You straddled him instantly, rocking your hips over his. He murmured, his breath scented with the sweet dark rum, his firm hands tangled into your loose hair.

"Come on princess, show me how much you love daddy's cock" he exhaled, pushing his hips up into yours.

You slid down the bed, your knees laid wide apart as you pressed your mouth to his bulge. Eyes peeled wide as you stared at him waiting for the order. He had a deadly smirk on his lips as he relaxed into the bed, and urged you to continue on. In a slow teasing yet praising manner, your soft hands admired his hard length. A grunt rumbled through his ribcage as you kissed the head of his member, allowing your slithering tongue to swirl around him.

“Enough teasing, remind me how I like it” he moaned.

On command, your mouth sunk down his size, his hands tangled into your hair once more as he guided your pace. There was no shame in his moans as you brought him towards the edge of pleasure.

Straddling him once more, you pulled your panties to the side. Sinking down on him, Lenny pulled his upper body up as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Just like that princess, so fucking perfect for me” he grunted as he pounded his desperate cock into you.

Emmett.|

He wasn't pleased by it. Thought it was just a stupid way for businesses to take money from you. He'd often ask why you needed a specific day so show how much you loved someone when he tried to give you tokens of his appreciation daily. It didn't particularly bother you either, but he could see the twinkle in your eyes that craved for those conventional moments.

After work, he walked in with a bunch of your favourite flowers. It shocked you that he even knew what they were, you'd never explicated said it. You were over the moon as you snatched them from his hands and planted smooches over his shaved jaw. He chuckled, snaking his arms around your waist as he guided you into the kitchen. Your back pressed into the edge of the bench as he passionately made out with you, your hands wrapped around his firm biceps as your hips turned needy.

"What's for dinner darling?" he hummed, his hands slipping under your skirt.

"Whatever you want" you gasped as his fingers rubbed over your panties.

"Only want to enjoy a beer with your mouth around my dick" he growled.

"I can do that" you purred, followed by a gasp as his thick digits pushed into your aching core.

Later that night, Emmett relaxed his tired body on the couch, the baseball game on the television and a cold beer all bubbled up in his hand. All while you kneeled between his legs, his jeans to his ankles and thick cock deep down your throat.

Neil Lewis.|

Cheap chocolates accompanied by an annoyingly bright bouquet of random flowers were shoved in your face as you opened the door. He wore his best suit at the restaurant that he had to beg reservations for (he left it last minute typically).

Glasses of red wine were shared over Neil expressing his insights on his favourite films. Even though he always repeated the same story over and over, you adored how passionate he was about cinema and how happy it made him. His hand rested on your knee, tracing circles out of comfort as he admired your beauty.

Afterwards, you both went back to his to watch one of his favourite films. You snuggled up on the couch, the microwave bag of popcorn on your lap as the movie played. Another bottle of cheap wine was opened, but you both just swigged it instead of having to wash the glasses in the morning. His mind was invested in the film that he'd already seen for the hundredth time. But his hand still stayed on your knee as you rested your head against his chest.

It wasn't until the credits rolled that Neil showed just how badly he adored you. His lips suckled against yours, while his hands explored your divine body. Dropping his knees onto the carpet, he pulled your hips closer to his lowering mouth and slipped your shorts and panties off in one go.

"So fucking pretty babe" he grumbled as he admired your glistering cunt.

You hummed slowly, relaxing your body into the soft cushioning as he buried his mouth and nose into your pussy. Your fingers twirled through his long locks as he encouraged you to show him how badly you were enjoying this. Screaming his name, your hips thrusted against his face, your clit being sucked into his mouth and his fingers buried deep in your velvet walls.

Coming down from your orgasm, Neil pressed his cheek into your sweating inner thigh, looking up at you in admiration through the moonlight. You murmured his name, he crawled up your sensitive body and laid you comfortably on the couch as he freed his throbbing length desperate to be squeezed by your sweet tunnel.

William Killick.|

The solider was a romantic, his blood crafted of tenderness, fondness and passion. You're the light of his life, the reason he kept up his fight. Even though his mind and soul was broken from the war, he still loved you so deeply. William would do anything and everything to protect you. So of course he'd take up the special day to show you how much you meant to him.

In quiet moments, I've learnt to wait To love you from a distance, through it feels too late The world spins on, and so must we But with every step I take, it's you I see I've said little, my heart still unspoken But for you, it's a promise that won't be broken On this day, we don't need much to know That where you are, is where I'll go - Your William

You read the sweet poem over and over again, your eyes gazing over to the fresh handpicked bunch of flowers in-between each read. He slept peacefully on the couch, the warm sun shining over him through the window.

He wasn't particularly keen on going into town much these days. The loud shouts and banging noises could trigger his nerves and tormented memories. Staying cooped up in your cottage for better for him for the time being. It helped him ease his mind being focused on taking care of you.

With dinner slowly cooking in the large pot, you tiptoed over to your husband. His eyes peaked open, somehow he could always sense your presence. Smiling down gently to him, he opened his arms and gestured for you to come to him.

Accepting his silent proposal, you straddled his hips and lowered your chest against his. Silently, your tongued danced with one another, his hands ran up and down, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind his fingertips. Your eyes gazed into one another for what felt like hours, admiring everything about each other. Wondering where you'd be if you'd never met.

His hand rubbed over your growing stomach, he smiled gently at how much your child grew each day.

Raymond Leon.|

Don't expect anything. Seriously, don't. He's the most emotionally unavailable, narcissistic person you know. However you managed to get into this dreadful combination of a no label, friends with benefits (were you even really friends?), situationship with him was a dagger in the back.

Being well aware of what day it was, he'd make sure to see you. Just to make you wonder if he had anything special planned for you. But he'd keep up the exact same routine you've always had.

Even though you desperately wanted to organise anything to make the day a little bit more special, your doubts held you back in fear of his neglect or rejection. Offering to do the position you were never too keen on was the only way you could show how much he truly meant to you.

All you got that night was the aftercare of gentle kisses as he held your naked, sweating body close to his after your love-making.

Robert Fischer.|

It was prepared weeks in advance. He wanted to make sure that everything was perfect. All to decorate his love for you. Robert always got insecure that his demanding job and famous reputation would one day drive you away. It was common to give you huge gestures of his love and appreciation for you. So of course he had to go all out on today. He reserved the best table at your favourite restaurant and had all of your extravagant gifts wrapped up and hidden.

It felt like the world was ending when he woke up with a high fever, stinging eyes and a blocked up throat and nose. You tended for him the moment you woke up, despite his firm demands that he was fine. Ordering him to stay in bed, you took care of him, cancelling all of your plans for the day. Robert laid in bed half asleep, his eyes drowsy as he watched you wipe his sweating body with a damp towel.

Right before your supposed dinner, he was out of bed, downing a variety of medicines to ease his sickness. Completely shocked at his rebellion, you scolded him, but he denied his horrible state. Still determined to give you the night you deserved. When he insisted he was well enough to go out for dinner, you pushed him back into bed.

The doubts and worries weighed heavy on him, he knew how excited you were for this night. But to his surprise, you placed a hot cup of tea on his bedside table and crawled into bed, wrapping your body around his, not a care in the world if you got sick too.

For the rest of the night, you ordered in Chinese take out and watched your favourite movies until the late hours, he was in and out of it, you always smiled as he looked up to you. He grumbled out how badly he loved you. He nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, the smell of vapo rub strong on his scent. His arms and legs wrapped around your body like serpents as he murmured your name in his heavy sleep.

[inkdrinkerworld]

Zombie apocalypse Remus 🫣

oh oh this could be good!

Remus finds you under a fallen building. He'd heard screaming and barking and thought there'd been another attack, but it was morning and they were never out in the morning, so he'd hazarded a chance to investigate.

Your leg was trapped and the moment you saw a figure walking towards you without a limp and a gait in their step you nearly cried.

"Please help me." you murmur pain lancing through your leg as you lean back a little to look at the tall man before you. The golden dog near you yips and growls and you reach a shaky hand to her head.

"How'd you get stuck there?" The man stoops to be closer to your level. "I'm Remus by the way."

You tell him your name through a hiss. "It fell while I was" you hesitate. "I'm a researcher, I needed some books and my dog was keeping watch."

Remus sighs and smiles sympathetically, "What type of research?"

"On this whole thing, I had a lab some time ago."

"A scientist?" You nod and Remus smiles. "Ca you try to wiggle your toes?" he asks it when you twist a little and hiss.

You shrug a little hiccup breaking through your words as you try, "I think I am, but I don't know."'

He shushes you quietly, moving a few of the bigger pieces off your leg. You take the time to study him, there's a few scars on his face and hands, but he's beautiful and from the looks of things so far; very kind.

Remus is gentle as he gets closer to exposing your leg, "Moment of truth." he whispers and you nod.

When he removes all of the rocks, your boots come into view and he smiles. "These might've saved you, love." He tugs your leg free and you begin crying again, this time from happiness. "Can I take it off so we can see if anything's broken?"

You nod, "Were you a doctor?" the words make him chuckle and you feel yourself become just a little embarrassed as you watch Remus make delicate work of removing your boots and socks.

"No, but I have pretty clumsy friends. I've learnt what to look for."

You nod, "Maybe when all of this is over, you can actually become a doctor." Remus hums, a soft smile on his face as he pulls off your sock.

"Twist your ankle," you do it with ease. "Wiggle your toes," Remus hides a smile at the polish on your toes; it reminds him of the normal life you've lost within the last month and a half. "Everything seems perfect dove."

You smile, "Thank you for coming to help me."

"It's no problem, do you have any place to stay?" You shake your head as you slip your foot back into your shoe.

"Circe and I go from place to place together. She warns me away from the smell of death."

Remus nibbles on his lip as he stands too, "Well, I have a little hideout with my friends, I'm sure they wouldn't mind it if I brought you and Circe along."

You look up at him, eyes wide as saucers. "I don't want to encroach, there might not be enough food."

Remus shrugs, "There'll never be enough food. Plus you and Circe might be more help than hinderance."

"If you're sure." You sling your leather bag onto your shoulder and whistle to Circe.

"I'm positive, dove." You nod once as you take a few test steps that turn into you skipping over all of the fallen concrete and passing what your mind knows are bodies but your eyes refuse to process.

The world is a sleet of grey and red all over, it's only been a month and society has devolved to it's baser emotions- violence and greed.

You shake the thoughts away. "Lead the way then, Remus. Circe and I will follow."

[aerynwrites]

Thank you for writing these, they are fantastic! Could you do one where Tav is doubting her abilities and is overwhelmed with the responsibility of fighting the netherbrain? Halsin would be there to stand with her and remind her of her strength, bravery, and growth. And kiss her too, because of course.

Not Alone

Halsin x Reader

A/N: thank you for the request friend! I hope this is what you wanted - I had fun writing this Bc wouldn’t we ALL be overwhelmed with that??

Word count: 1k

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, emotional hurt comfort, kissing, fluff.

It seemed to come out of nowhere.

The desperate squeeze of your chest. The burning tears behind your eyes. Shaking hands, narrowed vision, the inability to breath or think straight.

The sadness and grief and anxiety and…fear.

It all comes crashing down one unsuspecting evening, as the moon hovers high in the sky, trying and failing to comfort you with her pale light as you rush from your tent.

Worry about waking your companions doesn’t even cross your mind as you stumble from camp and into the surrounding wilderness, tears blinding you.

Gods, it’s too much.

The tadpoles, your friends' personal quests, the absolute, the guardian in your dreams…they all haunt you. Drain you constantly through the day and even now - where sleep used to be a respite - even your dreams are no longer your own.

A stray rock catches the toe of your shoe and suddenly you're acutely aware of the world around you once more. The rushing of air past you as you crash to the ground and the pain in your knees as you land. The dirt and grass beneath your fingers as you dig desperately into the earth. The wetness on your cheeks, and finally the broken sob that bursts from your lips.

You want to scream, and you just about let it out when something falls against your shoulder. However, the only sound that comes out is a strangled gasp as you turn to find the intruder.

Halsin, your druid companion turned lover - crouches before you, concern drawing his brows together and thinning his lips.

“Are you alright?” He asks, voice gentle amidst the roaring turmoil of your mind. “I saw you rush from camp as I was returning and you seemed…troubled.”

Shaking your head you turn away from him, shame bubbling up in your chest. That forever cracking facade of a leader, pushing forward once more.

“I’m fine.”

You try to sound firm, but the words come out broken and choked around the lump lodged in your throat.

Halsin says nothing for a moment, instead moving to sit beside you in silence, staring out into the wilderness ahead.

You try to control your emotions, try to pull yourself together, but the tears just won’t. Stop.

“Even the strongest of leaders feel the weight of what they take on.” Halsin finally says. “No one can carry it alone forever.”

“I never asked to be a leader,” you respond, voice as empty as you feel.

More tears come forward ushering out all the thoughts you’ve been holding in your mind. The things you’ve been hiding, trying to keep everyone happy.

“I can’t keep doing this,” you whisper, finally looking over to the druid from where you sit on your knees. “I just wanted to find a cure for these things in our heads and every solution has been a dead end o-or an avenue to something worse!” The words spill from your lips in shaky breaths.

“And on top of all that I have to stand by and watch as my companions, my friends struggle too. Astarion and his past with Cazador, never feeling free - yearning for escape. Gale and Shadowheart trapped by a goddess. Karlach being told she is literally damned to hell. And then you -“ you gesture vaguely to the man next to you. “Bearing the weight of the shadow curse and Thaniels well being…”

Slowly, with each word it seems the tears start to stop. Or dry up. You’re not sure which. But as you continue to speak it’s as if a tiny miniscule weight is lifted. You finally turn to face Halsin, who just gazes at you patiently, concern evident in his eyes.

“I don’t say this to make it seem like I don’t want to bear these things. They are my friends and you-“ you reach out to take his hand in yours, appreciating the comforting squeeze he gives you. “I love you. I want to help you and everyone back at camp but it’s just-“

“Too much to bear alone.”

Halsin completes your thoughts exactly, and before you can speak he’s gathering you up in his arms. You melt into his embrace, surrounded by the warmth and safety you’ve come to crave from the man holding you.

“I don’t know how you did it for so long.” You admit, arms moving to wrap around him. “And for centuries no less. How did you bear it? The responsibility.”

Halsin holds you tighter. “Admittedly, at first I did not bear it well,” he tells you. “I felt much like you do now, overwhelmed by others burdens and the decisions that were mine to make everyday. Constantly worried if the path I was leading the grove down was the right one.”

Gently, Halsin separates from you, just enough that he can see your face.

“So…what did you do? How did you keep it all from tearing you apart?”

Halsin smiles then, a tiny pained thing - as if seeing you go through what he has, hurts him as well.

A calloused hand comes to cradle your cheek, thumb brushing away residual sticky tears.

“I learned to share my burdens with those around me. With my family, my friends. And they were happy to assist me, just as I know those surrounding you will lend you their aid as well.”

You open your mouth to speak but Halsin cuts you off with a quick press of his lips against yours, retreating to press another one to each cheek.

“These are not your burdens to hold alone, my love,” he assures you, eyes searching your own. “You are strong and brave, but let us help you. Lean on me as I have you.”

His words bring on a whole new wave of tears, but instead of sadness all you feel is overwhelming relief and comfort. Halsins arms tighten around you as you press into him, head resting against his chest.

“Thank you,” you whisper, not having the words to express your gratitude.

Pressing a kiss to the top of your head, Halsin rubs a soothing hand up your back.

“Anything for you, my heart.” Reaching up, he runs gentle fingers through your hair. “Would you like to return to camp?”

Taking a deep breath, you shake your head, relishing in the peace and quiet nature provides in this moment. The night is cool, and the gentle breeze rustles the grass and trees as the moon above gazes down on you both.

“I’d like to stay here for a little longer if that’s alright.”

“We can stay as long as you’d like,” he smiles.

And with that promise, you feel the last tendrils of dread slip from your mind.

You’re not alone. And that’s what matters most.

[hyuuukais]

⋆.˚𖦹°‧✮‧°𖦹˚.⋆ ERROR 404

pairing ~ yang jeongin x fem reader

synopsis ~ y/n starts getting messages from an unknown number after buying a used phone for cheap. as she finds out more about the boy she's talking to, it turns out there's much more to this than a wrong number --- he died, and she's talking to his spirit, yet he has no idea what happened to him. will y/n have what it takes to solve the mystery of his death? or will the boy's spirit remained trapped in his phone?

warnings ~ gen, anxiety

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

CH 5 ~ FAMILY TIES (wc: 2.3k, 2 screenshots)

"There," Jeongin directs you to a house on your right. It's a modest house with dark blue paneling and a neat front yard. As you pull up to the curb, you catch a glimpse of a woman ushering two children back inside, abandoning a soccer ball by the door.

"Cute. You grew up here?" You ask, parking the car.

"Yeah, but like everything else I don't remember much," Jeongin leans forward in his seat to get a better look at the house. "I don't think it was always blue though, that's new. And they cut a tree down from other there," He points to one corner of the yard and you see a short stump. "Other than that, nothing."

"So why are we here then?" You take your hands off the wheel and place them in your lap. "There's gotta be some kind of emotional connection to this place, something important that happened."

"Isn't growing up there exactly that?"

"Well, yeah, but take the other memories into consideration," You say and turn your body to face Jeongin. "That park, anything could have happened there, but your brain decided the most important thing was meeting Hyunjin. Then again at the lake, the first night of having your own car and celebrating that. Even then you mentioned another event that took place there, the party, so why not that? So many things probably happened at that lake just like in this home, but we're here for a specific memory."

"Wow, you've really put thought into this." The corner of Jeongin's mouth quirks up as he faces you. "Maybe you should be a detective."

"I'll stick to the flower shop," You laugh.

For a while it's like this, the two of you chatting in the car waiting for something to happen. Morning turns to noon to late afternoon before anything happens, the sun hanging low in the sky. You point it out to Jeongin when you see it; two little boys have exited a pale yellow house and are making their way down the sidewalk in your direction. Stepping out into the sticky heat of late summer, you and Jeongin follow them all the way to the corner of the street before they stop.

They look to be about thirteen here, Hyunjin wrapping an arm around Jeongin's shoulders as they walk side by side. When they stop, his arm drops and they face each other. Hyunjin is slightly taller than Jeongin and has already started killing his hair with bleach, fiddling with the edge of the yellow tank top he's wearing. Jeongin sighs and crosses his arms with a frown on his face, Hyunjin matching the mood with a pout.

"So this is it?" Hyunjin asks, voice quiet.

"Yeah," Jeongin replies. "I guess so."

"You're leaving me."

"I have to."

"Come live with me," Hyunjin jokes. "Then you won't have to. Convince your parents by saying you don't want to switch schools or something."

"You know I can't do that," Jeongin looks away uncomfortably.

"I wouldn't make you live with me," Hyunjin's head drops. "With him."

"You could come with me-"

"No, I can't, you know that," Hyunjin crosses his arms. "It's stupid you're moving right out of our district, you should still be allowed to stay." He kicks a rock with the toe of his shoe, looking away embarrassed. "Don't make a new best friend."

"What?" Jeongin almost looks offended. "I could never! You know you'll be my best friend for life, always, even if I died! My ghost would haunt your ass."

Present-day Jeongin snorts at this.

With a pinky promise, you watch the two boys make a pact to stay close friends no matter what happens between them. They'll star in their first movie together side by side, they'll always support each other; they'll do everything together and never leave. A car pulls up and honks and Hyunjin waves goodbye to Jeongin, entering the vehicle. As it drives away, Hyunjin is looking out with fingertips barely touching the glass. Little Jeongin is gone, leaving you in silence.

"You know, I've been wondering why this neighbourhood has felt so familiar," You say quietly. "My mother was buried just down the road."

The car is silent, Jeongin placing his hand right next to yours on the compartment, just a hair away. Even with him not touching you directly, you can feel his energy coming off on you. It's different, the way you can feel him without feeling drained; it almost makes you want to take the risk and extend your pinky, closing the distance between you. When you look at him, the setting sun has created a warm glow around him, but accentuating his ghostly-ness. This is both the most alive and dead you've seen him, pale skin and eye bags, orange glow and soft eyes.

You start the car, fully intent on driving home, but your body seems to direct the vehicle the opposite way. As you pass the cemetery you slow down, making a full stop right outside the entrance. In the corner of your eye, you can see Jeongin looking at you, but you can't face him. This is big; walking into this place could change so many things for you, and you don't even know where you'd start with your mom. You've never met her, what if she doesn't recognize you? What if she's not there? What if-

"Y/n, stop thinking so much," Jeongin teases lightly, trying to bring up the mood. "We don't have to go today, or at all even."

"I want to," You finally look at him. "But there's so much I don't know about her and that she doesn't know about me. This could change everything I've ever thought about her."

"Don't you want to know who she was? Not who you think she is?" He asks.

Yes, of course you do. Without answering, you step out of the car and brace yourself for the wind; it's picked up a lot since leaving. Leaves blow off the trees that line the pathway in, some getting caught in your hair as you walk. The air is crisp and cold, goosebumps forming on your arms and the back of your neck. Whether that's actually from the coolness or from the atmosphere, you don't know for sure.

In your peripheral vision, you spot the odd spirit here and there. Most are lingering by graves, presumably their own, wandering back and forth, or sitting on the stone benches sprinkled around. One reaches out for you as you pass a bench, her frail, wrinkled fingers grazing your wrist, but Jeongin shifts over and gently pushes her away. She simply curls into herself, and you think you can hear crying as you get further away; your skin burns where she touched you.

"Up there." You point to a large structure with named boxes in straight lines. Your mother was cremated, but still laid to rest with the rest of her family. Underneath her box are two empty ones and a man's name. Before you can read the name, someone is calling out for you from behind.

Turning around, you spot a young woman not much older than you crouched down by a bush, a bright flower in her hand. She drops the flower, shock written all over her face and tears welling in her eyes. Standing up straight, she eagerly walks toward you, but Jeongin stands in her way as a warning.

"Sorry, I'm not used to the living," She laughs, leaning to the side so you can see her; Jeongin's back is obscuring most of your sight.

"That's okay," You squeak, stepping out from Jeongin. You're a lot more nervous seeing her now, especially noticing just how alike you look. "I'm-"

"Y/n," She exhales. "Don't think I'd recognize my own daughter? C'mon. But..." Her eyebrows furrow, looking around as if someone's missing. "Your brother, where is he?"

Brother?

You stare at her, mouth agape and unable to form words. Glancing back to the stone behind you, it dawns on you that there are two empty boxes underneath your mother, not one. Which means...

"I have a brother?"

"You-" Her eyebrows somehow knit together further, the flower clutched so tightly in her palm you doubt any petals could be salvaged. "You didn't know? How do you not know? Your father-"

"I'm adopted," You admit shyly, avoiding her eyes, but you can hear her scoff.

"That motherfucker."

Jeongin snorts and whispers, "Definitely related."

Your mother opens her mouth to speak again, but she's stopped short when something catches her attention to the side. When you follow her sight, you can see a man in the far distance staring her down. Suddenly, the air is tight with tension and fear, like all the spirits around you are wary of him. He doesn't come closer, but he raises something sharp and you finally recognize him as the man in the boat. The bottle isn't at his neck this time, but rather pointed at your mother. His head is tilted in a sinister way, only part of his face visible from behind his extended hand, but his features are both sharp and soft at the same time.

"We should get out of here," Jeongin says, his own voice tight with anxiety.

"But-" You try to protest.

"No, he's right honey," Your mother spares a glance toward you. "You need to leave, just promise me- promise me you'll find your brother?"

"I-I promise."

Wasting no time, Jeongin encourages you in front of him without tearing his eyes away from the man. The further you go, the blurrier he becomes, and soon enough the man is completely out of sight. Who is he, and why were all those ghosts so scared?

Back in the car, you take a chance to breathe before starting it up. With shaky hands, you turn on the ignition and prepare to drive away, but something bangs on your car window loudly, causing you to jump, almost enough to hit your head. You yelp when you see the man outside, the closest he's been to you since the first sighting. There's a distinctive mole under one of his narrowed eyes, his slender fingers pressed up against the window. Without thinking twice, you speed off and don't stop until you're outside of your home.

Jeongin is trying to speak to you, but you're dizzy and can't make out any words he's saying, the world around you spinning like crazy. A raging headache is beginning to form behind your eyes, placing your head between your legs and trying to control yourself. Anxiety threatens to sweep you under its strong waves, but with every breath you can feel yourself settling down. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three...

"I need to contact Minho," You say, voice weak.

"Let's get you inside first." Jeongin exits, rounding the front of your car and opening your door. "Can you stand?"

"I don't know," You admit. "But if you touch me, especially when I'm already feeling like shit..."

"I know," Jeongin sighs, frustrated.

Placing one hand on the open door and the other on your seat, you push up and cling to the vehicle, a wave of nausea hitting you. Once it passes, you take a step away and allow Jeongin to close the car door. You wonder what this looks like to others; can they see the actions he makes, or does it appear different to them? Stumbling to your front door, you enter quickly, feeling uneasy so exposed outside.

The warmth of your house hits you like a weighted blanket, sleepiness overtaking you making it hard to undress. Trudging upstairs, you half expect Jeongin to be gone when you enter your room, but he's still watching over you. Walking over to your closet, you throw the first comfy clothes you see onto your bed and flop down. It's too much to move- your whole body feels as though there's a ton of bricks weighing you down. With sluggish eyes, you see Jeongin looking out the window to the right of your bed, opening it just a crack to let some cool air in. The breeze prickles at your skin, but it's nice.

"Jeongin."

"Yeah?" He turns his head toward your sleepy figure.

"Can we take a risk?" You mumble, gauging his reaction. His eyebrows raise and he looks down, stretching away from the window.

"What kind of risk?" He asks, trying to keep his voice light.

"Help me get dressed," You say, almost wanting to cry from your exhaustion. "I'm so fucking tired."

Rolling onto your back with your head still in his direction, you watch him consider his options. Slowly, he makes his way toward you and picks up the sweatshirt you abandoned at the bottom of your bed. Hesitantly, the tips of his fingers meet your upper arm. Nothing happens, no sick feelings or passing out; only you and him and the surprising warmth of his touch. When he realizes you're okay, he continues to lift you up into a sitting position, teasing you for your groans. Lifting your shirt gently, he looks away red in the face and feels for the sweatshirt, finding it close by and bringing it over your head. Next, he helps you out of your jeans and slips the matching sweatpants up your legs, his hands pausing at your hips.

He's holding his breath, and you're more awake than ever as you make eye contact with him. You realize the position you're in with him overtop of you, his face oddly close to yours, enough for your breath to mingle. His eyes dart down your face, back up to your eyes, and away from you shyly. Taking his face in your hands, you thumb his cheekbones and run your fingers down his jawline. Touching someone has never felt so natural for you, so real and safe. Either your eyes are deceiving you, or he's getting closer and closer and-

Your phone buzzes. "Minho."

notes ~ this may or may not be unedited for the most part, so apologies for any mistakes i am simply too eepy

taglist ~ @chaeryred @toplinelix @channie-143 @bloomingstay @sona1800

@dollschan @defnotfertilizedtoesw @thisisnotjacinta @kayleigh-28 @kayleefriedchicken

@lailac13 @linocvp1d @ilov3jeong1n @mooseung @kkamismom12

reply or send an ask to be added (18+)^^^ green means i can't tag you

[herladyanarchy]

Playlist Tags

Rules: Shuffle your repeat playlist 10 times and tag 10 people. Tagged by @defira85

I don't have ten people to tag but uh. Here's ten songs!

Guillotine Dreams - KiNG MALA It's a Durge song this one. It's very Val for how she's trapped inside her own head, that urge to slice up people constantly sitting on the back of her ruined/replaced eye. KiNG MALA is also a very special artist to me as her songs tend to deal with depression, imposter syndrome, insecurity and queer themes. Unsurprisingly I strongly relate to all of those.

Praise You - Fatboy Slim It's a classic and while it's not really my normal kind of music, it's a good beat to pick myself up to. Used to be on my scrim playlist as a pre-game vibe for officials. It gets me in that headspace (true or not) of when I'm bad I'm good and when I'm good I'm untouchable. The downside is the emotional crash but shhh we don't have to deal with Jenny's Personal Total Perspective Vortex right now.

Rain - The Cult It's one of several DOZEN SoVenj songs. This is also my main kind of non-ship music. Overdriven guitars and solid rock & roll. For Mara and Petra, this is Petra in her lonely years. When even her up-vibe songs carry that essential core of her missing something. This is also an EiMIko song for opposite reasons. For Miko and Ei both it's a lot more literal. You're married to a storm goddess, rain is always a reason to celebrate. I'm not married to a storm goddess (alas) but rain and storms always make me feel good.

The Unseen Ones - Darren Korn, Masahiro Aoki, Daisuke Kirosawa (from Hades)

It's a killer track, it's exactly my style, it's useful for fight scenes, it's in a lot of playlists. Recently used for Val in the battle for Moonrise but works just as well for Ei at full power or anything from RWBY. Again this is one I just listen to even when I'm not writing. I have music (or Critical Role/a youtube video) on almost 24/7.

Big Metal Shoe - Jeff Williams, Casey Lee Williams, Lamar Hall (from RWBY) Jeff Williams is the guitarist with the single greatest influence over me as a musician. This man single-handedly shaped my soundstage as a player and a listener and his guitar tone sings to me like few others do (Slash, Brian May, John Norum, Bernie Marsden being my other greats). I just listen to this one on repeat a lot. The ending cadence layering vocals on that guitar just works for me like very very few other things go.

Pretty Mary Sunlight - Earl Cliffton I first heard this song at about 6 years old watching ancient Scooby Doo cartoons at my grandparents house and it's a very formative earworm. While nowadays my tastes in country trend a lot darker, (almost exclusively to the Dark Country subgenre) It's nice, bright, upbeat, and I always sing to it.

Ghost Myself - DIAMANTE It's a trans song that also works for Val! I love Diamante as a musician and as a style icon for me personally. The cover art for the single version of Bite Your Kiss is still my endgame transition look. For Val, this is again about fighting with the Urge. Lots of resigned self-loathing but laced with fire, this is Val on the cusp of accepting that she will almost always be a killer. She doesn't want to be herself anymore, but she's on a rapid journey and can't really afford to be catatonic while she processes her emotions, just ends up burying her blade in cultists and washing her sins away in the blood of a deathgod.

I'm Just Ken - Ryan Gosling (from the Barbie movie) I haven't actually SEEN the movie and there's not MUCH deeper meaning behind this one. It's just a really good song with plenty of the guitar tone that really speaks to me specifically. Those high strings sing. This was a song for writing Era and Aayren, as it SORT of works for Aayren, but mostly I just like it. It's good music.

Ava of Death - Eleine This list is UNFAIRLY influenced by the fact that the last fic I wrote was Dark Urge related, but aside from the fact that this OBVIOUSLY works for Val, it's also a song relating to my next novel. Shares a name with one of the main leads, and as a happy coincidence the full title also relates to part of her path throughout the book. The lyrics are definately more Val related. She's a Death Knight, of course they do. Aside from that, it's just music that I like. Almost all my ship songs are gleaned from genre playlists when I'm in a specific mood.

Going to War - Pagan Fury It's metal, it's norse themed, it's my Aasimar from my regular campaign. Tariya is from a frozen northern region and the progeny of a stormgod. She is all about war and battle and honour. It's all thunder and lightning so this song is just my vibe on every day even if we discount Tariya. It's also very Ei on an introspective battle day, she brings rain and lightning to a battlefield of mortals and strides in on a carpet of thunder like the melodramatic lesbian diety she is. It also has my favourite kind of guitar, which is just another reason to like it. It's PROBABLY in my Val playlist too, but there's no meaning there.

Ten songs is too little, I love talking about music too much. I'll do this for ten more songs if anyone wants.

The fact that Raphael's Final Act was song number twelve, right after a Carribean rap that I associate entirely with fighter pilots because of one VERY brief meme phase while I was writing a fic about lesbian Top Gun is pretty telling about my music taste. That was followed up by Sauvée as sung at the end of Faust too, which I adore as it is my favourite opera.