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emachinescat · 4 years ago

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Murdoc + Ithika + Mac

A MacGyver Fan-Fiction

by @emachinescat

@febuwhump day 14 - “I didn’t mean it”

Summary: As an artist, Murdoc prides himself in taking his time with his work - he never loses control. Except one time, with his favorite boy genius. He always imagined that when he finally made MacGyver cry, it would be his finest moment. Now, he’s not so sure.

Characters: Murdoc, Mac, Jack

Words: 3,454

TW: torture, broken bones, Murdoc being his creepy little self

Note: Happy Valentine's Day – the store was all out of chocolate, so I got you Mac whump! ;) The allusions to Ithika are from Homer's epic by the same name, but even more so from the incredible poem by C.P. Cavafy. The muse mentioned, Melpomene, is the Muse of Tragedy.

Keep reading here, or on AO3!

If you enjoy, please consider liking, commenting, or re-blogging, and you can follow me for more content like this!

Ithika gave you the marvelous journey.

Without her you wouldn't have set out.

She has nothing left to give you now.

- From “Ithika” by C. P. Cavafy

Murdoc enjoyed taking his time.

He was an artist, after all, and artists didn’t slap together a masterpiece in an afternoon – not the ones worth anything, at least. Most spent days studying their subjects, becoming intimately familiar with every line and curve and element – the shading, the lighting, the vibrancy of the colors. The very best didn’t even consider touching brush to canvas until they had developed a personal relationship with their subject – for how can a true artist paint that which he does not know deeply? Why bother recreating that landscape or tea kettle or sad-eyed little girl or bowl of fruit if it could be any landscape, tea kettle, little girl, or bowl of fruit? Why would someone paint something that wasn’t theirs?

Murdoc knew his subject very well. He, like a true artist, had studied it in a variety of settings. He’d watched and learned, dug deep into the core of its being, drawn out every secret and motivation and loss and love. He understood what made his subject tick. He’d even done some brief sketches, practicing each brushstroke with care, waiting patiently for the day he could at last, intricately, evoke that muse sought by the Romantics, that evasive Melpomene, and breathe his masterpiece to life. Or, more accurately, to death.

And now, after years of watching, interacting, teasing, sketching, his time had finally come. Months of planning had been sunk into this particular endeavor. And now, unlike the first time he’d been introduced to his subject, he hadn’t been commissioned by anyone. This portrait was personal, deeply personal. He finally had his subject right where he wanted it. The canvas was bare and waiting for the artist’s touch. Murdoc had chosen his palette, mixed the colors – it might be cliche, but he was a sucker for red, black, and blue.

Now that his moment had finally arrived, however, it didn’t mean that he could rush through the actual creation process. The act of studying one’s subject matter was slow and deliberate. So must be the painting.

***

Murdoc studied his canvas slowly, methodically, unsurprised that it wasn’t exactly blank. MacGyver stood, hands chained above his head, attached to a grate above. His bare toes just reached the cold concrete below. His jacket and Henley had been removed – he shivered slightly from the chill of the basement. Murdoc liked to think it was from fear.

“Oooh, this one’s fun, MacGyver!” Murdoc crooned as the blonde boy wonder eyed him scornfully. It was quite entertaining how expressive his prey’s pretty blue eyes could be. Murdoc briefly brushed the tip of his little finger against the scar of a bullet wound on MacGyver’s chest. MacGyver jerked back from the touch, though his expression remained stoic.

“Jealous that you weren’t the one who did it, Murdoc?” He sounded confident enough, but Murdoc knew his subject quite well by now. MacGyver was shaken. For once, he had no control, nothing to work with, no way to escape. He was at his captor’s mercy – Murdoc could do whatever he wanted, and MacGyver knew that.

“Oh, it’s nothing compared with what I’ve got planned for you, Angus,” Murdoc simpered sweetly, circling his catch of the day, dark eyes darting across more scars and recent cuts and bruises. He pressed directly into the dark center of a boot-tip bruise on MacGyver’s side, relishing the sharp intake of breath it elicited. “Someone on your last mission in Volgograd left their mark, I see.”

He circled back around to face his victim, who did a subpar job of hiding his surprise at the observation. “That was highly classified. How did you–”

“I’ve been watching you for a very long time, MacGyver. But you had to have known I would. After all, you’re my closest friend, and I know where you live. It’s kind of silly that you never moved, but maybe you just figured I’d find you even if you did. I wonder – have you always tossed and turned in your sleep or is that a more recent development?”

True horror flashed momentarily in blue eyes, tugging Murdoc’s lips up into a satisfied smile. “Oh, yes, your nightmares are very entertaining. I do hope the majority of them are about me. Oh, oh, oh! And I especially love it when they’re so bad you have to call your watch dog to calm you down. I wonder how Dalton’s taking your disappearance, by the way? I’m sure he’s in for some nightmares of his own.”

“He’ll find me, if I don’t escape first.” MacGyver’s bravado was both highly endearing and incredibly tiresome. Same old, same old.

“Doubtful,” Murdoc purred. “I mean, I know you well enough not to make stupid mistakes, my friend.”

“I escaped from the sewers, and you’d drugged me.”

“I intended for you to escape that day. I needed to draw your friends in, to focus their attention on finding you while I attended to other business. But this time – you’re mine.” At the fervor in his words, a shudder entirely unrelated to cold clinked the chains restraining his victim. Murdoc smiled, then continued.

“But now, there is no ulterior motive. I grabbed you for no other reason than because I wanted to. You are hidden away quite well, even more securely than last time, I’m afraid. And you will not be left alone, not even for a second. There may be things in this room you could use to escape, but they’re useless to you in your position. And I am not going to take my eyes off of you. You won’t have a chance to wriggle your way out of this one, MacGyver. Ooooh, is that fear I see on your face? No? We really must change that.” He tutted. “Defiance and bravado really are your bread and butter, aren’t they, Angus? What are you, an action hero from a cheesy 1980s TV show?” Silence, though the fiery glare spoke more loudly than words.

Murdoc clapped his hands together. “Well, there’s no time like the present. What do you say, MacGyver? Let’s get started.”

***

Three hours later, Murdoc admired his work. It was a slow process. He painted with precision and care, layering the colors just so, balancing the strokes, the lights and darks and brights. His brushes were many – laid out on the table before him were knives and pliers and blow torches and hammers and whips and cattle prods and other more specialized tools that he liked to work up to. He also had an oversized meat tenderizer, made of steel. He rarely used it – too garish for his refined tastes – but it did look nice and scary looming over the other instruments.

So far, he’d only used his knives and the cattle prod. The masterpiece was starting to come together, but it was hardly complete. He prowled around his artwork. MacGyver’s trembling had increased. He gasped for breath as Murdoc appraised his work – burns and cuts, some deeper than others – made a nice foundation. The drip of blood across bare flesh outshone any Pollock painting. He’d practiced his blending techniques, jabbing the cattle prod directly into the center of the lovely bruise he’d noticed earlier. MacGyver hadn’t been able to hold in his yell of pain.

Music.

“Are you enjoying our time together?” Murdoc asked.

MacGyver uttered a creative string of curse words that made Murdoc proud. He whistled appreciatively. “Who knew the boy scout had that in him? I’m almost impressed.”

“Yeah, well,” MacGyver said, hissing as he shifted and pulled at his many wounds. “Almost is about all you’ll ever be, Murdoc.”

Murdoc had been reaching for his trusty pair of pliers (those toenails could sure use a trim!). He paused, his back partially to his captive, fingers hovering over the tool. He was used to MacGyver’s sass, but what he’d just said hit a sour note that the hit man couldn’t shake. He didn’t know if it was the tone or the words themselves. “Excuse me?” He tried to sound amused, but his voice was tight, as if it had been squeezed out of him.

A clink of the chains, a grunt of pain that didn’t lighten Murdoc’s mood as it should have. Then, MacGyver elaborated. His voice was clipped in pain, breathless, but conviction lined every syllable. “You are doomed to live a life of almost, Murdoc. Nothing is ever going to be enough for you. Why do you think you take so long to get anything done? Why do you spend so much time talking and taunting and watching and waiting?”

Murdoc didn’t move, his hand still inches away from his delicate instrument that caused pain but did no lasting damage. “I’m an artist.”

“You’re afraid.”

“I fear nothing.”

“You fear winning.”

Murdoc laughed, a forced, uncomfortable sound that he’d never heard come from his own mouth. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, Angus. Are you sure the pain isn’t getting to your head?”

MacGyver pressed on relentlessly. “You crave attention. You need a challenge. That’s why you picked me. And you’re afraid of what happens if you beat me. If I die, there’s always that possibility that you won’t find another playmate.”

Still, Murdoc didn’t move. His words, despite their teasing jaunt, had a forced quality to them. “Awfully full of ourselves, aren’t we, MacGyver?”

He could hear the triumphant smile in his adversary’s voice. “I’m just stating the truth, Murdoc. You might torture me, you might have your fun. But at the end of the day, you’re going to slip up somehow. It’s your way of making sure the game goes on. Without that challenge, what are you? Just an angry voice screaming at the sky, no purpose, no point. You say you’ve studied me, Murdoc. You’ve watched me and know me. Well, in doing so, you’ve shown me yourself, too. You’re not going to kill me today. You’re never going to kill me.

“I don’t know what exactly I’ve done to deserve this… honor,” he continued, placing particular derision on the last word, “but you’ve become obsessed with me, Murdoc. Believe me, I don’t like saying this any more than you like hearing it. But it’s how I know I’m going to walk away from this. If I’m gone, so is your fun.”

Murdoc prided himself on maintaining control over his emotions. An artist, though he might express the inner workings of his soul on canvas, could not let his feelings control the brush, control him. Look what had happened to Van Gogh – sure, beautiful work, but his emotions controlled him, destroyed him in the end. Murdoc didn’t make mistakes like that. He waited. He didn’t lash out in anger. It wasn’t because he wanted MacGyver to live, oh no. His fondest dream was to see the blonde boy cry, to watch him squirm and beg for mercy, and then, finally, only when he’d really begged for it, to send him to his death. MacGyver had no idea what he was talking about.

It wasn’t even MacGyver’s words, his cocky belief that he was important enough to his torturer to keep alive, that sent Murdoc over the edge. It was the tiny little voice, way back in the darkest, most depraved corner of his already dark and depraved mind, the one that spoke not in the voice of Murdoc, but one that sounded more like Dennis, the first casualty of Murdoc’s career – himself. The voice said, plainly, without emotion, You know he’s right.

And that was the catalyst for the tsunami of rage that crashed into Murdoc, pummeling his well-practiced and unshakable resolve to take his time. That was what spurred his frozen body into movement, curled his fingers around the handle of the meat tenderizer, that brash, archaic tool, rather than the pliers. That was what spit his next words out of his mouth as if they were poison, words that finally – beautifully – caused Angus MacGyver’s eyes to widen in real fear: “You are going to walk out of here?” A sadistic, mad giggle. “My dear Angus, it will be a miracle if you ever walk again.”

He hefted the heavy steel implement in his hand, pulled back, and lunged. MacGyver tried to back away, the chains around his wrists cackling and clicking against one another in his desperation. They held firm, and the meat tenderizer slammed full force into MacGyver’s left kneecap. Murdoc felt the crunch of bones. He heard the bestial howl, the scream of anguish, the body-jerking, breath stealing cry of a man in so much pain he lost himself. He watched MacGyver’s face drain of color, recognized the moment when the pain became too much, and saw the tear-streaked face go slack, the chin thud against the battered chest and stay there.

For a moment, Murdoc experienced the euphoria one could only find in hurting that special someone in such a catastrophic way. He relished in that moment the scream, the agony, the writhing and loss of control.

Then the moment ended – and far too soon.

Immediately after, the weapon dropped out of Murdoc’s limp fingers. It smashed into the floor below, with the jarring clang that only metal on concrete can produce. He looked at the limp, hanging form before him, and something twisted inside of him – a feeling he’d never known. It wasn’t guilt, nor revulsion.

It was, however, regret.

He didn’t understand it. He should be overjoyed. MacGyver was completely at his mercy. Murdoc could kill him now. Carve that bleeding heart out like a villain in a fairy tale would. But then, he realized, MacGyver would be gone. Forever. Even now, his kneecap had been crushed, shattered into tiny fragments of bone and cartilage, and unless he got treatment of the highest quality, and soon, he’d almost certainly be crippled. Even if he had extensive reconstructive surgery, his career as a Phoenix agent could still be over.

Wasn’t that what Murdoc had wanted? To end MacGyver’s pesky existence, to win at this game of cat and mouse? To create his most spectacular masterpiece with his greatest enemy? That’s what he had dreamed of for years now, what he’d studied and practiced and yearned for. And yet –

What was it that hoity toity Greek poet had written? Murdoc had read “Ithika” long ago, a random page in a poetry book of a man he’d killed. For some reason, the poem had attached itself to his mind and never let go. He could remember it even now:

Keep Ithika always in your mind. Arriving there is what you’re destined for. But don’t hurry the journey at all. Better if it lasts for years, so you’re old by the time you reach the island, wealthy with all you’ve gained on the way, not expecting Ithika to make you rich. Ithika gave you the marvelous journey. Without her you wouldn’t have set out. She has nothing to give you now.

And he understood. The poem was supposed to be inspirational, for fools so focused on their goals that they missed the journey of life along the way – a mundane, silly sentiment. But now Murdoc could see – MacGyver’s destruction was his Ithika. Perhaps Cavafy had a point – maybe he had been a bit of an artist himself. And MacGyver had been right about some things, wrong about others.

He was right in that Murdoc wasn’t ready to end the game just yet. But it wasn't fear that held him back, that urged him to take his time. It was joy. Joy of the journey. The little pleasures of life that are so often passed by in the grand scheme of things – the poet had been speaking of knowledge, of friendship, of love, of experiences. Murdoc’s little pleasures were things like fear, drawn-out suffering, playing with his food and watching it squirm. He relished that joy. He wanted more of it, and if MacGyver died, or was out of commission as a spy, that joy would diminish. Even if MacGyver lived, it wouldn’t be the same if he couldn’t fight back, couldn’t play along.

Murdoc made his decision.

He reached into his pocket, pulled out a burner phone. He dialed a number he’d memorized long ago, put the phone to his ear.

A fierce Texas twang answered before the first ring had run its course. “Murdoc, you son of a bitch–”

“Temper, Jack,” Murdoc drawled. He shivered in excitement at the mental picture of the inferno in Dalton’s eyes. “You just assumed it was me – imagine if it were your mother on the other line.”

“I can scent the devil from a mile away.” Murdoc heard muffled voices in the background, knew the call was being traced.

“Don’t waste your time running a trace, you grumpy old hound dog.” His words were light, yet he allowed the slightest hint of urgency to infect them. “I’ve had my fun for today. I’ll text you the address.” He paused. “Oh, and bring one of those fancy whirly-birds you like to use for medical emergencies. I might have been a little… over zealous this time.”

He closed his eyes, gorging on the incalculable levels of hatred in Jack Dalton’s next words. “If you hurt him–”

Appreciation turned to irritation. Murdoc rolled his coal eyes to the ceiling. “Weren’t you listening, you brute? Obviously, I hurt him. Quite a bit actually. You should have heard him scream.”

A short silence. Then – “You didn’t let me finish, you overgrown sewer rat. If you hurt him, I am going to tear you limb from limb. I don’t need any of your fancy tools.”

“Hmm, that was almost intimidating,” Murdoc teased in his most good-natured tone. “But you’ll have to find me first.” He let the words linger for just a moment, then continued: “Anyway, ta-ta for now. I’ll text you the address. I’ll be long gone by the time you get here, but feel free to bring all your little friends for a game of hide and seek. Though I have a feeling that you’re going to be more focused on sweet Angus.”

He hung up, texted the address, then turned to a feebly stirring MacGyver. Pity he was waking up right as Murdoc had to leave. Whimpers that would have torn the very soul out of Jack Dalton erupted unbidden from MacGyver’s lips. Glazed blue eyes cracked open, regarding Murdoc with a mixture of terror and acceptance. Though he had regained consciousness, MacGyver still hung limply from the chains, too weak and in pain to move.

Murdoc stepped forward, eliciting the tiniest of flinches Even that motion made MacGyver cry out. But Murdoc didn’t hurt him again. Instead, he said, “Your friends are on their way.”

MacGyver’s voice rasped in the aftermath of his screams. “You’re letting … me go… Why?”

“Got bored, I suppose.” No way was Murdoc going to let MacGyver know he’d been right, even if only a little bit.

MacGyver didn’t respond – maybe he didn’t know how to respond; more likely, he could barely form coherent thoughts, let alone words, amidst the torrent of pain.

Murdoc started to step away, then turned back, studying his latest draft of the elusive masterpiece that he would continue to dream about and that would fuel his passion and creativity for years to come. He pulled off one black glove, placed his hand on a pale, cold cheek. MacGyver jerked back feebly from the touch, grunting at the pain it produced. Slowly, Murdoc wiped one of the fresher tears away with his thumb. It might have been a power play. It might have been a show of comfort. Even the hit man didn’t know. He glanced down at the shattered knee, swollen and misshapen, a grotesque monster straining to break free from the unrelenting fabric of the khakis.

“For what it’s worth,” he said quietly, moving his gaze up from the deformed knee to lock his black eyes with fearful, anguished blue ones, “I didn’t mean it.”

He walked away, casting one final look over his shoulder before he left his art behind for the coming Phoenix agents to admire. “Until next time, MacGyver.”

And despite the extensive search conducted by Phoenix once MacGyver had been loaded onto the chopper, on his way to the best orthopaedic surgeons in the country, Murdoc had once more disappeared, like a ghost.

That night he dreamed about his Ithika, and this time, it was enough.

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betweenthetimeandsound · 3 years ago

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Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#180-171)

#180: Fernando Tordo -- Tourada (Portugal 1973)

“Entram guizos, chocas e capotes, E mantilhas pretas, Entram espadas, chifres e derrotes, E alguns poetas, Entram bravos, cravos e dichotes, Porque tudo mais são tretas,”

“Bells, cowbells and capes are coming in, And black mantillas Swords, big horns and defeats are coming in And some poets Brave people, carnations and swear words are coming in Because it's a wheeze at most”

Despite the title ("tourada" translates to bullfight in Portuguese), it's actually a portrait of a revolution in the making. The lyrics were so clever that the censors at the RTP didn’t notice these lyrics were reflecting the current regime.

That’s enough for a 250 appearance for me, but there’s more that makes the song so memorable.

The build with the brass and percussion sets the stage for something important to happen. Sometimes, I do forget I like this song, but listening to it like right now is an experience, like one entering the battlefield.

The last line, "And the intelligent man says that songs are over..." still amuses me, though it's quite cynical in that the intellectuals would eventually not believe in the movement.

Personal ranking: 5th/17 Actual ranking: 10th/17 in Luxembourg

#179: France Gall -- Poupée de cire, poupée de son (Luxembourg 1965)

“Suis-je meilleure, suis-je pire qu’une poupée de salon? Je vois la vie en rose bonbon Poupée de cire, poupée de son”

“Am I better, am I worse than a fashion doll? I see life through bright rosy-tinted glasses Wax doll, sawdust doll”

One of the game-changing songs of Eurovision, in that the general mood shifts from slow-tempo songs to a little bit of pop. The first ten contests had their share of good songs, but seem to blur into each other at points. Afterwards, the song quality rose, and they were better suited to the times.

Beyond the happy orchestral sound is something quite sad—a pretty girl who sings songs without experiencing what they mean. Gainsbourg was quite the songwriter, but it led to a falling out between him and France later on, because of the double meanings of the songs he wrote for her.

The drama related to France Gall and the contest didn't stop there. Kathy Kirby, the runner-up that year, slapped France when she won. Then her boyfriend broke up with her shortly after, and wrote a song that would be the basis of "My Way".

Quite interesting I must say, though I don’t come back to this song often.

Personal and actual ranking: 1st/18 in Naples

#178: Ajda Pekkan -- Petr'oil (Turkey 1980)

"Öyle gururlusun gidemem yanına Girmişsin kim bilir kaç aşığın kanına Dolardan, marktan başka laf çıkmaz dilinden Neler, neler çekiyorum senin elinden"

"You are so proud, I can’t come close to you I wonder who else suffers from your love You speak of nothing but dollars and marks I am so suffering because of you"

My 1980 winner is not only quite groovy and seductive, but also clever.

The 1970s had two major oil crises--one in 1973, and another in 1979. The first one was when OPEC withheld their oil from countries who supported Israel during the Yom Kippur, and the second one when oil production stopped during the Iranian Revolution, resulting in higher prices per barrel. Both resulted in low supply and increased gas prices in the United States; those who grew up during the era were less likely to drive as a result.

Petr'oil takes this issue and anthromorphizes it, as Ajda sings about the troubles of relying oil as a resource and as a partner. The belly-dance music also emphasizes the tension. combined with the percussion and strings on this piece.

While Ajda has since distanced herself from the song, I embrace it in all its charms. Plus it was heavily underrated in its year.

Personal ranking: 1st/19 Actual ranking: 15th/19 in Den Haag

Final Impressions on 1980: This year stands out a bit, for it had a number of songs dealing with a huge number of topics (including Belgium's "Euro-Vision", which made the contest go meta, haha). Alongside it, the production was a bit bare-bones, because of the Netherlands hosting it four years earlier, but it featured quirks such as a representative announcing their country's song, Morocco competing for the only time, and a steel band for the interval!

#177: The Allisons -- Are you sure? (United Kingdom 1961)

“Are you sure you won’t be sorry? Comes tomorrow, you won’t want me Back again to hold you tightly?”

The lyrics are quite smug, in that the Allisons warn the girl who plans to break up with them she might be sorry and alone. Not unlike with "If I Were Sorry", though there's a bit more charm and teasing towards their soon-to-be ex-, whereas the latter feels a bit more arrogant.

That said, it’s upbeat and almost lines up to the musical scene at the time (comparisons to Buddy Holly are not uncommon), and the musical run time just goes by so quickly (in comparison to other entries of the same era)! It's just a breeze.

Personal ranking: 1st/16 Actual ranking: 2nd/16 in Cannes

#176: Vicky Leandros: L'amour est bleu (Luxembourg 1967)

“Bleu, bleu, l'amour est bleu, Berce mon cœur, mon cœur amoureux, Bleu, bleu, l'amour est bleu, Bleu comme le ciel qui joue dans tes yeux.”

“Blue, blue, love is blue, Cradle my heart, my loving heart Blue, blue, love is blue Blue like the sky which play in your eyes."”

I think I first heard this in the intro to Eurovision 2006's semi-final. While the harp motif stood out, I didn't know where it came from. It was until when I watched the contest this song was in, which is strange because it was notable for having a Paul Mauriat cover which became a hit.

One of many classics which featured in 1960s contests, I like the innocence shown through the lyrics, which uses color and imagery to tell about the different cycles of love. The orchestration along the bridge was especially spectacular, as it provided a cinematic feel towards . Vicky’s accent sometimes gets in the way, but she sings this well and should’ve gotten a podium position.

Personal ranking: 2nd/17 Actual ranking: 4th/17 in Vienna

#175: Kaija -- Ullu joy Hullu yö (Finland 1991)

"En edes halunnut sua omistaa En edes leikisti rakastaa Kaksi kulkijaa yhteen osuttiin Yksi yhteinen hetki jaettiin"

"I didn’t even want to own you I didn’t even want to love you We two travellers came across each other Shared one common moment together"

While I was watching Eurovision 1991, I liked the mysterious verses of Hullu yo, but I found the chorus a bit off, because it was punchier and more energetic. It also had that "minor-verse/major chorus" thing going on, which also made me uneasy with the song. With a few listens, I grew to like a bit more, because of its unique sound. It definitely sounds better with the studio cut versus the live, which shows off the failures of RAI's orchestra.

Another thing about the song, beyond its lyrics about a one-night-stand turned into longing feelings, was the choice choreography. Playing out the turmoiled relationship, it's funny to see how provocative it is, and that's after Toto's hilarious pronunciation of the song.

Elements of the live performance aside, it's still a jam which deserved better. Maybe it would've done so in the televote era.

Personal ranking: 7th/22 Actual ranking: 20th/22 in Rome

#174: Francoise Hardy -- L'amour s'en va (Monaco 1963)

“Si ce n’est toi Ce sera moi qui m’en irai L’amour s’en va Et nous n’y pourrons rien changer"

"If it isn’t you It will be me who will go away Love goes away And we can’t change anything about that"

I was happily surprised hearing this for the first time. It was very melancholic, with an interesting structure between the verses and the chorus. The percussion also helps with the latter, and adds a bit of character to the song.

The fact Francoise wrote this classic gem also warmed me up more to the song, especially because she was from the ye-ye generation of singers (which are known for being young and upbeat). Yet she stands and sings her own composition in a serious, almost bored tone, without taking the substance of the song away

(That being said, I really need to listen to more of her songs; I've found a couple a month ago, though there's obviously more...)

Personal ranking: 2nd/16 Actual ranking: 5th/16 in London

#173: ABBA -- Waterloo (Sweden 1974)

“The history book on the shelf is always repeating itself...”

You don’t need me to tell about this, do you? It’s fun and timeless pop, with some cool costumes to boot.

For more interesting stuff for both, the song Waterloo was an actual risk for the contest--they actually had another song for consideration, the folk-influenced Hasta Manana, but turned to this instead. And it worked, of course!

For the clothes, ABBA apparently chose these glam-rock inspired costumes because in Sweden, one wouldn't have to pay additional fees if the costumes won't be used for normal wear. Both Anni-frid and Agnetha look great, nevertheless.

And as of the moment, my favorite ABBA song is "Knowing Me, Knowing You". Despite the poppy tone, it has a moody vibe throughout, and one knows the relationship is going to end on a bad note.

Personal ranking: 2nd/17 Actual ranking: 1st/17 in Brighton

#172: Gigliola Cinquetti -- Si (Italy 1974)

“Sì, dolcemente dissi sì, Per provare un'emozione, Che non ho avuto mai,”

“Yes, I softly said yes, To feel an emotion That I've never had before”

My friend told me an interesting story about the lyrics—whereas the song Gigliola won with tells of a girl waiting to grow older to find true love, Si talks of the girl growing up and taking the plunge. So she interprets Si as a sequel of sorts.

So why does this beat Waterloo, in my opinion?

I like how the song starts—quietly, but with an interesting guitar part. The instrumentation builds well towards the "Si...", at which it gently but certainly blooms towards Gigliola's certainty on going with the man she loves.

The interesting part of it was how the song was censored in Italy because it was seen as "subliminal messaging" for a campaign on a divorce referendum that May. "Si" sounds like an endorsement for the "no" campaign, as it embraces being in love, even if it requires the death of another relationship.

Personal ranking: 1st/17 Actual ranking: 2nd/17 in Brighton

Final Impressions on 1974: Definitely one of the most memorable years in the contest, if only for who won. The rest was a tale of two halves, with the first half being particularly good, and the other half bad (except for Si, as you can tell). And there were Wombles in the interval act, hehe.

#171: Eugent Bushpepa -- Mall (Albania 2018)

“Lot i patharë ndriçojë këtë natë Sonte kumbo prej shpirtit pa fjalë Vetëm një çast dhimbja të më ndalë”

“Lingering tear, light up this night Find your way out, to soothe my soul Just for one day make this pain subside”

Aren’t the lyrics to this so beautiful? They convey Eugent’s desire to be with his loved one so well, in both its pain and beauty.

The music really helps too--while the pre-vamped version was a whole minute longer, it also has a rockier edge to it. The revamped version cuts it down and cleans up the production, but it's still maintains the overall feel throughout.

Eugent is also a talented talented singer, which proved initial odds wrong and got Albania one of its best results! The bridge between the second verse and chorus has a great chord progression (which was given more space in the revamp), and he deserved qualification for that alone. And those high notes.

(Also, he's probably the best dressed guy of his year...good job Eugent, good job.)

Personal ranking: 7th/43 Actual ranking: 11th/26 GF in Lisbon

#eurovision song contest #esc 250 #esc top 250 #esc portugal #esc luxembourg #esc turkey #esc united kingdom #esc finland #esc monaco #esc sweden #esc italy #esc albania #vintage eurovision #three minutes to eternity

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cosmiclatte28 · 4 years ago

Text

Secret Love Song (ten x you)

here we go!

ps. Ten is a WayV and SuperM idol here, while Yuta, Jaehyun, and Johnny are not idols! Thanks

Song : Secret Love Song from little mix and Jason Durelo lol Derulo xD

warning : tiny bit of insecurities, lots of fluff, happy end.

CHITTAPON IS JUST SO SWEET!

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You make your way slowly back to your small studio apartment. You rush from the nearest bus stop, walk through the cold winter night, reach the front door and then take the lift to your room. Today has been tiring, your neck and lower back are aching from sitting on stools for hours and reaching your clients body as you inject safe permanent inks into their skin. Yes, you are a tattoo artist, working in a superior tattoo parlor, where hygiene levels are guaranteed safe and the drawings are not regrettable. Well, your clients paid a hundreds of dollars to have a 4 inch tattoo! You have to admit, being a tattoo artist in a high-class studio gave a fair amount to pay your rents, eat decent foods, and spend some money for your happiness. You sigh when you remember that the flat fee for this month has been raised, and you know you will need to either find a new living space or work extra hours to pay for the extra cost.

You stretch your neck for a while as your fingers type in a six digit combination to open the door to your heaven: the bed. Once you close the door behind you, you take off your coat, carelessly toss your bag to the sofa, and free yourself from your boots. You make a quick attempt to untangle your scarf and dive belly first to your soft mattress. A sigh of great relieve escapes your mouth and you find your eyelids super heavy. You would totally fall asleep within five seconds if your bizarre phone did not disturb you.

Your hand blindly searches for the rectangular noisy object and when you find it, the ring has ended. You groan in frustration, but your fatigue drowns you back to slumber. This time there was a short beep five times in a row, and you know that is your boyfriend messaging you. Your mind fights over waking up to call him back, or just drive your tired eyes to sleep and deal with him later when you're fresh. You decided to do the latter, but today must not be your day. Your phone rings again and your finger slides to pick up his call.

"What?!" You snapped.

"Woah, easy... Did I call the wrong number?" the man on the other hand takes his phone away from his ear to check the caller ID. He shakes his head when he ensures this is the right number.

"Sorry... I-"you yawn and he stays silence until you continue, "I just got home, and your calls postpone my -so needed- sleep..."

He smiles to himself when he heard your yawns and slurs.

"Okay, I'll just tell you I'm busy for the next three days. I'll call you back, I need to do my make up now. Bye!"

You did not reply him, your brain didn't actually understand anything he said, you've lost yourself into the dreamland after finishing your sentence. You sleep through your dinner time, only to snore deeper as the night darkens.

One man sits stiffly on his chair in the powder room. He is waiting for his stylist to come and do his make up before he steps into the stage filled with a crowd dedicating their life, money, and time to support him and his group. He shakes his shoulder a bit to throw the pressure away, why did he feel like he committed a great sin for calling his girl just to disturb her from sleeping.

"Who is that Ten hyung?" Yang-yang who happens to catch a few of Ten's surprised action earlier asked.

Ten turns his head to face the youngest boy, he's about to open his mouth before the tallest and loudest man cuts his answer "It's (y/n) of course," Lucas offers his big smile while slapping Ten's shoulder.

"Stop it Lucas, I might poke his eye because of your sudden slap when I am drawing this eyeliner." The stylist who has been working hard to polish this pretty eyes of Ten, scowls at Lucas.

"Sorry, but it's true right?? It's (Y/n)???" Lucas takes a seat on one of the free chairs in the powder room. He's ready to go on stage already.

Ten shakes his head in disbelief and nods, "Yes it's her. Happy?"

Yang-yang smiles and drags his chair closer, "So... what happened? Spill the tea!"

Lucas also has his eyes bigger twice as much in size and his back is straightened, he is ready for the gossip!

Ten smacks his lips when the last stroke of light lipstick was applied; he checks himself on the mirror and nods an approval for the stylist to go. "Thank you!"

Now when nobody else is in the room, Ten finally opens his mouth.

"I called her at the wrong time I think... She snapped at me because she said I disturb her sleep?"

The two younger men pretend to understand though really they don't have a single idea why Ten must look this nervous just because his girlfriend snapped. Hey, every person has a bad day right?

Ten stares into the two soul across him and he face palms himself mentally when he realize there was no way Lucas nor Yang-yang understands his worry.

"Forget it, both of you are not helping." Ten pushes himself from the chair to put on his golden jacket.

"We're putting on mikes and in 7 minutes, you're going Live." The stage director opens the door right in time and a swarm of crew help the members put on their mikes.

Ten glances at his phone for the last time, there his smile rises when one notification pops from none other than you.

From: mon petit cœur

"Burn the stage,love! Bad Alive deserves the spotlight. <3"

Ten knows he doesn't have to reply that message, but the heavy weight in his heart is gone as he takes a deep breath and joins his other brothers to the side of the stage. They chant their group cheers and soon take over the stage.

You're awakened by your alarm clock around seven at night. Your head feels dizzy and you know that's probably because you skipped dinner. You force yourself to open your eyes. Your fingers expertly open the messenger application and through your squinting eyes, you type a short message to your boyfriend. Well, you promised him you won't miss their first stage of Bad Alive, and so here you are! seated on your worn-off sofa, an apple on one hand and the small TV provides you music and pictures. You focus yourself on the screen when you can see your boy and his team already shown for the interview at the screen. You fix your position, increase the volume, and you're totally awake when the stage shows your favorite group of all time.

The three minutes performance was over. You get up from your position, walk to throw the apple core away, and you grab your phone back.

To : Ten

"Amazing job you did there, my body's burning,

Guess I can save money from not using any more heaters.

Going home? <3"

You want to meet Ten so bad, it's already one month since you two didn't see each other. He has intensive practices for the comeback. Not that you're not understanding or selfish; You just wish he can make some time to come tonight, because you need someone to listen to you.

Your phone bleeped after an hour. Ten must've finished all of his works and probably already seated in the van, ready to leave the venue.

From: Ten

"Glad the song kept you warm. Sadly I've told you earlier in the call I cannot make it home these three days. Next week I also have another stage performance. I'll let you know when we can meet. How's today?"

Your shoulder slumped, you ghost you finger over the call button. You want to call him right now, but dating an idol is not that simple. If some manager or stylist caught you in the act, they might tell this to the director board and you know how this will end. Yes forced break up!

You left him on read. You glance at the clock on the dining room. It's already nine, you have some place to go. You dress yourself in a warm jacket and you leave the empty room. You hail a cab and direct an address. Your phone vibrated and you picked up a call.

"Hey! Where are you now?" Ten asks

"I'm going out for a while, why?"

"Oh, where are you headed to?"

"Ummm Johnny's, I forgot he invited me over for wine and cheese. Wanna join?"

"Is this Saturday Night already?"

You chuckled, "Yes Mr. busy, this is a Saturday Night."

"I'll see how the meeting with SuperM goes, til then have fun and be safe, Love you!"

"He's a nice brother, don't worry I'll be okay. Wait I have to get off the bus."

Ten waited for you on the other side of the line. He likes to make sure you're okay on the road. He busies himself with a strand of loose thread on his jacket and holds the phone close to his ear. His smile returns when your breathy voice greets him back.

"Woah, sorry there were several people going down too.

I'm only 3 minutes away! Are you in the office yet?"

"I'm entering the lobby, need to rush to the lift and see if everyone's there already."

"Okay, guess I'll end the call here. I can see his house already."

"No, I'll wait until you are in his house. Besides my notification just notifies me Taemin hyung is late."

"Well, I'm here already. Johnny's by my side."

"Alright, trust you. Tell him I miss him! Okay then, enjoy your night.

Call me whenever you need my help. Love you!"

You smile at his small attention, "Thanks Ten, Love you too! Good luck with the meeting."

The phone call ended

You enter the kitchen of the small house your brother and his fiancée bought. Johnny is five years older than you, and that's why he has been able to take care of you ever since the two of you were young. Johnny's wife happened to be staying in her mother's house because she had to look after her younger cousins. Johnny cannot join her because he needs to supervise his office. So here you are, the two of you meet one another for a siblings quality time.

"Tonight's special is Cabernet Franc," Johnny said after examining the bottle and taking the cork off.

I push him my empty glass and he fills in both glasses with the red liquid.

"Cheers," You both chime and clank the glass.

Moving on to sit on the comfortable L-sofa, you make yourself comfortable before finally starting to chat and talk about life. A soft music was played on the background, some classics because both of you felt like it.

"So, how is your day?" asked Johnny.

You gulp down the rest of the wine and roll your eyes, "Bad. Worst!"

Johnny straightens his back, "Ten? Or Work?"

You run your eyes right and left, taking a moment to think which one of them is bothering your mind. You smile when you know the answer, "Both!"

Johnny only raises his brow and you know the queue to spill everything out. Your mind went back to earlier this morning, where you woke up late and missed the bus to your office. You had to take the cab, since Ten was busy with his performance schedule today. You had to spend a good $20 to make it on time. You did arrive on schedule; the shop was opening as per usual. You greeted your co-workers, Yuta and Jaehyun.

The three of you have been working together since this parlor opened, there were no other worker here because we don't need that much! The people who step through the door were usually a regular or have made an appointment. However, today was totally irregular!

You remember the horror of Jaehyun's face when he entered the employee room with terror. Yuta was working on a customer's drawing and you were washing and cleaning the pen.

"We sorta have a problem here, there were three girls wanting to get a tattoo done without any appointments."

Yuta raised his brow, there must be something next that will surprise them both.

"They're minors. I've told them to come back when they're older, but they insisted."

"Let me talk," You place your pen down on a table and take the queue to talk to the girls. Well, Jaehyun is a softie, he cannot be strict especially to high-school girls.

You caught the three girls giggling over a picture on their phone, and you quickly snatched it away from her hand. They gasped and protested on your action, but you were taller than them.

"Sorry, but it was not appropriate for you to secretly take pictures of another person. This, I'm sure you took them secretly earlier. You're violating someone's privacy." You said as you deleted the pictures of a candid Jaehyun.

"If you're here only to take inappropriate pictures of my co-worker, leave immediately and don't ever come back. And you're clearly not 18 yet, the law stated you must be 18 to have a tattoo. Til then, let's wait patiently. Come back only when you are 18 and permitted to have ink on your body. Good bye." You returned the phone and shrugged your shoulder to the exit door.

The three girls have fires in their eyes and they were clearly killing you in their heads, but you're not afraid of babies like them.

"You're mean! Just wait for our revenge!" One of the girl stomped her feet in anger and ordered the other two to follow her and they left the parlor.

You let go a breath you held back earlier, then you decided to take the welcome desk for a while.

Just when you thought nothing else will go wrong, that's where you were fucked. Across you stood your nightmare. The enormous man across you smiled secretly when he found you greeting him.

"Well, welcome back Sir Dimitry, I believe you're here for a touch up?" You ran your eyes through today's schedule. Sadly his name was not there, but he was a regular and he's the Russian gang leader here, who roamed around Incheon at night. You knew better not to mess up with him, but that was not what bothers you.

He Is big and scary, the first time you saw him was when Yuta has to do a big dragon on his well built arm. That day you were occupied with another client, but although you were focused on doing your work, you can't help but feel his gaze on your body. Yuta and Jaehyun were aware of this, and since then they always try their best to take his project and they always lied you're busy or occupied. You're thankful for them. The two men were not so pleased to work on his skin too, for his drawings were always big, disturbing, and scary. However, he was the most generous tipper, and that made them close their mouth and ears (because he used to answer calls and believe me your ears won't stay cold listening to his choices of bad words).

"I haven't made an appointment yet, and I came here for a new drawing. I've had one in my mind and I believe you can finish tracing it in a couple of minute." The big guy leaned forward on the table.

There were two other people coming in and Yuta happened to pass by. You threw him a "help" sign and Yuta bit his lips, "My client is here already... I'm sorry, try Jaehyun."

Yuta took his customer to the studio and Jaehyun appeared beside you.

Jaehyun glanced at the clock, then looked into the Russian man's blue eyes "I'm sorry sir, but today we're a bit tight. You can come back here tomorrow say around one? I'll take your order, do you want a new drawing or retouch?"

The man hit the table, "I believe this lady over here is free right now, I don't see any client waiting for her. That guy is clearly your job Jae, I saw his tattoos those were definitely yours."He smiled winningly.

You cursed in your heart, well today you happened to have no appointments, you're only making templates. You closed your eyes, inhaled, and looked at Jaehyun. You nodded your head to tell him you'll be okay and you'll take him. Jae could lost his eyes from the shock when you sighed and told the big man, "Alright, I am free for two hours. Before that let me remind you I cannot do strong and big inks."

The Russian man smirked like a cat who won a fish, you took him to the processing room and he explained you what he want. You went to your professional mode and focused clearly on making his dream comes true. You were bargaining with him to make the designs smaller and less bold, he finally gave in. You worked your drawing quickly and after he agreed, you prepared your tools.

To make it short, it was the longest two hours in your life. He was clearly stealing views of you concentrating, and he was throwing so many offensive and disturbing flirts. You almost lost your cool when he joked about how hot you would look like on bed. You promised you held yourself from not forcing the word "bastard" to his neck and you clearly knew Yuta and Jaehyun were both busy keeping eyes on you. You're focused on making a word out of Russian alphabet you didn't know.

"I am attached, so please stop. You're going over the line already." You exhaled when he tried to touch your lap. You quickly pushed his hand away and you rushed your work.

"I said stop! You're harassing me!" You tossed the pen to your metal tray, and you pushed your chair back. He was not totally harassing you physically, but he was mentally fucking you. You saw his tent and you decided you'll stop your work. Well you finished it right on time though.

"I can file a report and you can be trialed." You stood up from your stool, but he held you back faster.

"Let go off her," Yuta threw him a deadly gaze and swatted the man's hand.

"You won't, they wouldn't care. Look this tattoo's amazing. I'm leaving you 500! Take the change." He forced the bills in my hand and made his way out.

You stood there surprised and petrified. You're ashamed of yourself, but what would your boss say if he found out a client was not satisfied because the girl artist did not want to work on his body. You'll lose your favorite job, and no you don't want that to happen yet.

Yuta and Jaehyun comforted you and ensured that you were not assaulted physically or even harmed. You shook your head and a tear fell on your cheeks. "I am embarrassed of myself, I feel bad for Ten... and Fuck I blew up my relationship."

Yuta ensured nobody will know, or you hope so. The day continued and after some more picky madams with boring gossips, you went home with....well an extra $300. You actually hated the money, but 300 is a big number, you can either put it on donation or pay your rent. You decided to put it in the cashier box though, let your boss decide. Usually a 100 bucks is already a big tip, this is triple! But thinking back of his actions, you hate everything.

"You sure you're okay?" Johnny reaches for your hand and takes a good look on your body.

You giggle, "It's fine, he almost reached for my lap but I was faster! But his mind, I can't control that..."

Johnny nods, "Just avoid him okay, or tell your boss you cannot take him. Moving on, tell me about Ten!"

"About Ten, I just hope dating an idol can be more public." You swirl your wine that had been refilled.

Your mind one again brought you into a daze, you remembered two years ago when Ten knew you from his tattoo appointment. You were responsible for his temporary tattoo for a comeback. He knew you from Taeyong, fellow SuperM member who made the 'UNDER STAND' tattoo with your help. Ten likes the result and he asked Taeyong where he got it done.

To make it short, you frequently see one another from discussion, drawing, and planning. Ten and you learned about one another quickly while he was on his ink bed, and you're focused on drawing his perfect sketch on his arm. The meeting became frequent after three months where he needed another tattoo for a comeback.

After returning about ten times to have a retouch or a new design, Ten finally earned your number. From there, everything was so fast and you're suddenly on your third year of dating an international famous idol! You thought you were ready for everything, not going public, staying home most of the time for dates, wearing masks and keep being undercover, even having sleepless nights while waiting for his message when he's away on a world tour. You can go on with the list, but you decided to focus on the good things more.

You were okay with Ten being away from his phone most of the time. He always did his best to send you an update about him, be it one emoji, a selfie, or a whole long ass paragraph of how his day went. He couldn't call you that much because someone might eavesdrop.

So far, no one thought Ten is having a secret love relationship. There were small fights, but both of you can talk it out together with cool heads and bonded stronger after the fight. Ten could see you and him being a family in the future, he even boldly told you his parents can't wait to meet you.

You were okay with all of the relationship, you were okay with his fans, you supported him on concerts and voting, you basically love him too with all your heart. Only one thing actually made you sad.

"What is that one thing? Not posting it in social media?" your brother teases you.

You lean on the soft cushions; your finger carelessly fiddles with the tassels hanging around the blanket Johnny had wrapped around you. You toss your look to his curious face.

"I want to walk under the cold winter air beneath the romantic lights, hand in hand, warmth shared from I don't know his heat pack in his pocket maybe... Then imagine the Christmas Carols are softly whispering in the night, mistletoe is everywhere. It doesn't have to wait until Christmas... I just want it whenever we can." You plop a cheese into your mouth. Your eyes were glassy when they look into Johnny's

Johnny pulls you closer and you instinctively lean in and let him caresses your back.

"You're tipsy, can you still walk?"

You shot your eyes open, the hell did your brother just kicked you out? Hey it's night already! Shouldn't he let you sleep in??

"I am not going home! It's dangerous! What kind of brother are you? Telling your little sister to go home at this time." You hit him repeatedly.

Johnny rolls his eyes, you clearly had too much!

"WALK TO THE BED SIS, WALK TO MY ROOM AND SLEEP PROPERLY." Johnny stresses each of the word in case my ears did not caught them.

You look at him blankly and Johnny knew you're gone already. He swiftly picks you up and carries you to the bed. Nicely he tucks you in and he cleans up the mess in the living room.

He notices his phone vibrating; noticing it was Ten, he picks up the call.

"She's sleeping in tonight, you're on the dorm right?" Johnny asks.

Ten answers him his schedule for the week and how he's not going home. He also told Johnny what happened earlier this afternoon. Johnny smirks as he whispers a code to Ten.

Two weeks passed by, you already forgot your grudges to Ten. You try to be considerate to his hectic schedules. One cold afternoon, just after you finished working on your last client for today, you take your time cleaning the tools and sterilizing them. While humming to Love Talk, your favorite song, Jaehyun peeks from the curtain door.

"(Y/n), someone's looking for you." Jaehyun drags the curtain open. You pause your activity, for a moment; your eye brows quirked. You focus your mind to see if you missed an appointment, but no you're positive no one called you for a session this afternoon.

"Hmm, we still have time before closing time, so okay I'll take it."

You leave the room to see your client and you're surprised to see your boyfriend sitting on the waiting room.

"Ten!" You squeal out of surprise and joy. You run to hug him, well it has been three weeks since you last saw him in tangible state. Three weeks of video-calls and texts were quite satisfying, nevertheless.

Your boyfriend hugs you back and engulfs your smaller figure. He inhales the sweet scent of your shampoo he missed and how he wished the time can stop here right now.

"You're here for a new tat?" You ask after breaking the hug.

Ten shakes his head, "No, I got dismissed earlier and I want to pick you up!"

You blushed, hey that's so sweet of him. Unlike other boyfriends, having Ten walking in the sidewalk without his manager and body guards is a rare occurrence. Ten was always in the van or swarmed by fans! This afternoon however, here he is standing with a long winter coat, face hidden under a cap and a mask. He did not wear anything eye catching to avoid the media and saesangs. He did it! He made it here in your office without any missing piece or a trending twitter hashtag!

"Well we have another 20 minutes before my shift ends; do you need any help for a tattoo?" You smile at him. Hey planning a tattoo with Ten is always wonderful.

"You know we can always draw them together at home." He smirks and brushes my hair away from my face.

"Okay then, wait for a moment as we're tidying up." A big smile erupts from your lips and your heart is full of flowers!

"Good bye Jae, Yuta!" You wave your hand as the two men let you leave first while they close the doors.

Ten is already waiting for you on the front porch with his hidden face. You place your mask over your face too. You stick yourself next to Ten to hug his arm, his heart softens at the sight, how a soft girl like you can work as a tattoo artist with Yuta and Jaehyun (who both have enormous prints on their bodies).

Without any warning, Ten takes one of your hand into his, he holds yours tightly and slips them to his jacket pocket."It's a bit cold right? Now where should we go?"

Your eyes widen, usually he always brings you home directly since he cannot be in public for too long.

"Shall we just go home? I can cook dinner." You sound confused by his offer tonight.

Ten shakes his head, and drags you without any clue where are we headed.

You are so stunned when you find yourself finishing a nice dinner course at a new restaurant. Luckily it was not crowded yet and no one seems to notice Ten, but dinner was not the end of the surprise.

You stand frozen under the dazzling disco ball, beneath your feet are colorful light up tiles, surrounding you are the moving body of half-conscious people, and your ears are slowly aching from the loud music.

"Ten, can we go somewhere quiet, I can't talk." You lean in closer to scream into his ear and your boyfriend pulls you out of the crowded space.He brings you to the bar and helps you sit on one of the stool.

"One bourbon for me, and a vodka for this pretty lady." Ten smiles to the bartender.

After he takes his sit next to you, you raise your brow. He knows that code and he quickly reaches for your hands.

"You don't like dancing in the club? It's a Sunday Night, I thought some drinks won't hurt right?" Ten knows you're not new to these kinds of places.

You let out a free laugh, "I do love dancing in the club, I'm just surprised why you're suddenly doing this. Plus if you told me, I could have prepared for better attire!" You hit him playfully.

Ten takes your hand into his, "Well, you look great already, plus we must not catch attention right." He leans in closer to you.

Your eyes slowly move down over his nose and finally on his lips. Maybe it was the way they glistened under the dim light, or the tenderness you miss, or just simply his lip bites he always did when he's nervous! You feel gravity pulling you closer just to taste a tiny bit of it, but Ten moves back quickly when the bartender returns with two glasses of our drinks.

"Thank you!" Ten hands over the cash and offers you your glass. You found yourself stupid for almost kissing him in public. Rule number one of dating an idol is to never kiss on public.

"Sorry," You look everywhere but his eyes and gulp down your shot.

Ten just nods beside you and there was a bit of a tension between you and him. Maybe you're still embarrassed of your action, but Ten is actually enjoying your braver side.

"Let's hit the floor. I really miss dancing together." Ten easily picks you out of your stool and lands you gently on the floor. One shot of vodka won't make you drunk yet, but you spent your youth dancing on the dance floor, so this is nothing for you.

The DJ was wonderful tonight; his choices of songs are perfect and as the two of you are getting more and more heated up under the throbbing lights. The dance floor was crowded and there was not much space left. You share his body heat, you can feel his breath tickles your neck, and you can once again see his plump cherries. You drive your mind elsewhere, and move your body to the rhythm. You smile at him and he smiles back at you, with one deep glance the two of you inches closer and closer.

Your eyes grew heavy, vision dark, you let your other senses work, and you feel that warm plump lips touching yours. You caught your breath and after some time, he pulls back. The loud sound blasting through the speaker slowly disturbs your hearing again. You open your eyes slowly and stare into his deep eyes. He places his hands over your waist, pulls you into his arms, and the two of you sway to the loud slow music the DJ offers.

You're no longer thinking straight. You bury your face into his chest, you trust yourself into his lead and a single tear fell down.

When you hold me in the street

And you kiss me on the dance floor

I wish that we could be like that

Why can't we be like that, Cause I'm yours.

You know this is everything you need to face when dating an idol, and you cannot hate him for this. It was your decision to say yes to him. Your head spins, your ears deafened, your vision darkens, and you no longer feel your feet.

You lost your conscious; all of a sudden you're already lying down on your bed. Turning your head to the side, you see Ten sleeping by your side hugging you loosely while taking in calm and relaxed breath. You grit your teeth as you try your best to softly turn your body to face him.

In his warm embrace you snake your hand to ghost over his godly face to brush away the golden locks away from his eyes. You stare at his innocent face, you're overwhelmed. It's been a while since the last time you has Ten by your side when you sleep. He was always busy and thousands of miles away from you in a different time zone. You touch his cheeks and wipe a tear running down from your eye.

We keep behind closed doors

Every time I see you, I die a little more

Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls

It'll never be enough

Just the sound of his relaxed breathing and the slight touch of his arms over your waist, you finally found the missing warmth and peace you've always craved for bedtime. Having Ten lying next to you tonight sparked a small fire in your chest. You feel safe and you're so emotional. You snuggle closer to him, Ten stirs in his sleep but did not wake up, instead he naturally finds your body and fixes his posture to a comfortable position. You face his chest, right where you can see the tattoo you nicely did on his left chest (where he worked so hard to get his mom's permission) you smile when you remember how happy he was when he sneaked out to meet you to deliver the happy news.

Your heart flutters, he did not need to wake up to fit you into his embrace. Your relationship fits like a puzzle where each pieces were so different that you won't make mistakes. You want to believe that Ten is the one destined for you and so are you to him!

It's obvious you're meant for me

Every piece of you just fits so perfectly on me

Your mind plays thousands of silly scenarios. Most of them were happy, but you cannot lie that the darkest corner in your brain still repeatedly tricks you with nightmares. It was not the first time you have dreams about his fans finding out your relationship, you cannot imagine their faces and you cannot imagine living with the constant fear that one of those fans might kill you out of obsession!

Your insecurities also snatch your confidence away whenever you see Ten standing on a stage with another "oh so perfect" girl idols or models or hell actresses! Not to mention the flirty look those back up dancers always toss to your man. Well, they might be throwing flirts on him because they did not know Ten is attached already; however, even when they know 90% will fight harder and the rest 10% will let go. You're living in fear, in terror that one day when you wake up Ten can no longer be beside you.

You break your own promise about always telling one another your fears and struggles. You hide them behind your cheerful smile, you blame yourself for over thinking, and you make sure Ten will never know that. You are learning every day to put the negative thoughts away and focus on the good ones. Ten needs your support, Ten loves you, and you believe that. You can sleep a bit after convincing your heart that the man hugging you here is an angel made for you!

Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep

But I'll never show it on my face

Your eyes flung open when you feel the sudden drop of temperature. Your hand reaches to your side in panic and you peek to see that it's no longer occupied. You stretch yourself to wake up, Ten might be away already for his schedule. You take your phone to see any message he probably left, but there were none. You glance to the door, it was closed. There are no traces of Ten, not his shirt, not even his phone.

Once the room door was opened, your nose is filled with a fresh smell of bacon and eggs. Your smile returns when you see Ten only in his boxer and apron. You can hear your washing machine working and when you look at the door, you smile when you see a pile of your laundry and his outfits are there.

"Morning princess, I'm sorry I have to run the laundry for my clothes...since someone happened to spill a drink over me yesterday and I'm not going back to the dorm with a smelly outfit." Ten explains while flipping an egg over. He sets the fire to a lower heat and turns his body to see you.

You can only smile like a dumb love-struck girl (which is not wrong). You make your way to jump and hug him. Ten automatically receives you in his arms and you dip your head down to greet your lover with a sweet morning kiss. In between the sweet kiss, you can see Ten smiling like he enjoys these kinds of cheesy morning things.

"You better stop kissing me," Ten speaks up on our short breaks, he kisses you one more time, "Or I will burn the eggs."

You laugh and toss your head back, you take your queue to jump off him and Ten quickly saves his egg from burning. "Just right in time," He smirks when he plates the last egg on the dish.

"Please take your seat miss, breakfast by your hottest man is ready." He sits down across you with one plate of the same menu. From your request, Ten did not take off his apron. No you do not need a distraction this early!

Your mind records every single moment Ten giggles and laughs, his wake up state is already so lovely and you cannot imagine how perfect your mornings will be if the two of you finally tie the knot and live together. You can only keep that in your small heart, a really simple dream you wish you can achieve. Living with Ten for the rest of your life, why? Because you know he is the man made for you. But are you the woman made for him?

You finish your breakfast and as the washing machine finished its job in drying the clothes too, you hear his phone rings. Ten glances at the buzzing noise. You toss him a small smile before leaning in to kiss him and walking away to take the laundries. You pick up his shirt, Ten does his duty to wash the dishes and pan he used.

"Let me iron this quickly," You disappear to at least send him off to work in a nice attire.

Ten places the last dish on the drying rack and he starts to pack all of his stuffs, he brushes his hair and teeth, puts his cap back on and his eyes soften when he sees you coming back with a neat shirt.

He finally takes off his apron and with your help, put on his tidy sweet smelled shirt. Secretly Ten loves your laundry soap and that's one reason why he used your washing machine. He wants to smell like you!

"So, when can I see you again?" You ask as you fix his collar. You're facing him and only inches away from his nose.

Ten smiles and puts his hands over your waist, he leans in to stare deeper into your eyes, "Whenever you want miss! I'm only one call away," he winks.

Both of your face are slowly erasing the gap between you two and just as you close your eyes his phone abruptly kills the mood. You pull your face back and you can see Ten cussing at the caller.

"Damn Lucas! Such a mood breaker! I told him I am coming in 10 minutes," Ten presses the red button and pockets his phone. You burst out laughing, of course it must be Lucas!

"Well, guess you will want to go before Kun calls you! Thanks for yesterday and today and everything!" You hug him and bury your face on his chest. "I wish you can come often and do my dishes!" You taunt your tongue.

Ten ruffles your hair and kisses your forehead for the last time, "Okay, I need to go now. You also need to prepare yourself for work."

You nod and note the time, it's an hour to the store opening hours, you need to get ready.

"Bye love, take care! I love you." Ten walks to the exit after putting on his coat and shoes.

"Love you more!" You stand by his side facing by the exit door.

"Love you most," he winks and finally pulls his cap to cover his face and puts his mask on. He finally turns around and walks to the lift.

You return to your room, taking a bath and getting ready for another long week. You believe if you can get through this, your dream of living with Ten will be clearer and brighter.

Your day goes on and you cannot lie whenever you see him on social media, a website, a magazine, or a music show, even from the talks from your customers, you cannot throw the disturbing insecurities away from your mind.

Is our love hopeless?

Will the world accepts me as his significant other?

Will his family love me?

Will he even stay by my side, or will he found someone new who is better than me?

Those are the things you cannot spill to him that haunt you every time he is away.

You play with the promise ring Ten gave you on your two years anniversary. The dark minds foreshadowing your mind suddenly disappear just as you remember the same words Ten always recites, "You're the puzzle that fits into me, why would I let you go? Trust me and wait for me, I love you more than anything!"

With that, your smile erupts back into your face and the rainbow in your heart plus mind is back. You know you just have to trust Ten the same way he trusts you! Life will bring you two together if it is meant to be, and fate will also play a part.

Because Trust is everything you need for an everlasting love story right?

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thedenimdentist · 4 years ago

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Flame Panda: worth the hype?

Introduction

For those of you who are pretty invested in handmade, hand welted, MTM boots, Flame Panda needs no introduction. In fact, if you aren’t already familiar with this small boot making family out of a small village in China, then maybe you aren’t actually the boot enthusiast you believe yourself to be. lol just kidding. But really, for anyone interested in high quality, beautifully built boots, Flame Panda is a brand worth looking into. Their main source of advertising and business is through their instagram @flamepanda11, which is run by their Peng. They're still a relatively small family owned business, but they’re following is growing exponentially (and for good reason).

I would go more into the background of their business and what they have to offer, but nothing I could write would compare to the information covered by Jake @almostvintagestyle on his blog: his review of his beautiful chunky monkey boots and an interview with Peng himself. So, if you’d like more background information on what Peng and Flame Panda have to offer, head over to his blog. Otherwise, on with the unboxing/review!

Ordering Process

As with most boot brands out of Asia lately, Flame Panda boots can be ordered via DM through his Instagram @flamepanda11. Unfortunately, there is no website or catalog listing all the patterns, leathers, or customization options he has available. Luckily Peng is very helpful and open to discussion regarding your MTO boots. He takes an active role in creating you the best boots possible, giving constructive input and suggestions rather than just mindlessly giving you whatever you ask for. Peng knows his materials and abilities best, and has a solid grasp on how to combine the two to create a quality product that meets both yours and his satisfaction.

The following are the exact details I requested regarding these black boots:

Model: 6 inch boots

Last: 181 last

Upper leather: black Maryam horsebutt

Upper stitching: black

Hardware: 5 copper eyelets, 2 quick hooks, 1 eyelet

Toe design: brogued cap toe, unstructured

Welt construction: 270° 2 row stitchdown (beige)

Lining: kangaroo

Midsole: single leather midsole

Edge finish: natural edge

Sole: black Dr. Sole half sole/heel

Heel design: incline curved

Sizing

For those of you who haven’t read my reviews before, my feet are stricken with large bunions on the pinky sides of my feet. As a result, picking shoe sizes have always been extremely difficult. (See my previous reviews for details). Below I’ve listed my sizes for all the other boot brands I own.

Thursdays - 10.5

Onderhoud - 45E

Benzein - 45E

Red Wing, Iron Ranger - 9.5EE

Truman Boot Company - 11EE

Viberg (1035 last) - 10.5

In trying to determine what size I would be in his boots, I sent Peng all the following images/information:

As many helpful measurements I could think, with images of how I took those measurements.

I also informed him that I wear this thick, memory foam orthotic in all my footwear.

And lastly, I provided him with a photo and the dimensions of the removable insole of another pair of boots that fit perfectly (in this case, my Onderhoud derbies). I also took photo of how my orthotic relates to these insoles, as well as a photo with my ugly foot. (TMI? Possibly. But I’d rather provide too much information than not enough, and it definitely paid off.)

Now that I think about it, I don't even know what size Peng ended up making for me. Regardless, these boots ended up fitting perfectly. This goes to show that Peng really knows what he’s doing, and can size you appropriately if given enough information.

Price & Shipping

For this particular boot in black Maryam horsebutt, Peng charged $685 USD including global shipping. I purchased these boots on 6/29/2020, and was quoted an unusually specific 95 day wait time. However, I didn't end up receiving these until 12/29/2020. While this is significantly longer than expected, Peng kept me up to date in his progress via Instagram DMs, so I never felt forgotten. (He told me that he and his family were moving locations during this time and production was running behind schedule. I didn’t mind, as I COVID was keeping me home majority of the time and didn’t have any reason to wear these boots anyway.) These days, I believe his wait time is closer to six months (which still really isn’t too bad for MTM boots).

Unboxing

Securely packaged, with tape as no object.

A box inside a box. A nice touch, actually. A lot of other boot companies simply ship the single boot box wrapped in butcher paper and tape, which often results in some minor box damage. In this case, the outer protective box took all the beating during transit, leaving the actual boot box in pristine condition. While this doesn’t have any affect on the quality of the boots themselves, it’s a good demonstration of the care and thought that Peng puts into all aspects of his products. He really holds himself to a higher standard, and I appreciate it.

Another reason to love Peng. He typically includes a small gift with every boot order! In this case, this nice little wallet.

In addition to the complementary thinner, cheaper single boot bags that most boot companies provide, Peng also included a larger canvas drawstring boot bag with a screen printed logo.

These boots came with three sets of laces. They were pre-laced with some standard width, flat, waxed cotton laces. Included in the box were two additional sets of laces: a pair of wider flat waxed cotton laces, and some round waxed cotton laces.

360 Degree View

Left boot:

Right boot:

Sole:

The Leather

The black Maryam horsebutt Peng used on these boots is absolutely gorgeous. The leather feels very substantial and hefty, and has a very nice sheen. The horsebutt also has a very subtle marbling and grain that shines through from certain angles. It’s a little difficult to capture in photos due to the deep black coloring of the leather, but you can take my word for it. These are incredible.

From what I’ve seen, I believe Peng is one of the best in the business when it comes to hide selection and clicking. He is extremely picky when determining what portions of each hide he actually uses on his boots. For instance, here is an example of him picking apart a hide, circling all the imperfections that he plans on excluding during clicking for boots.

youtube

This critical eye for detail increases Peng’s overhead considerably, as a significant portion of his leather is filtered out as unusable and unfit for boots. While this does increase the cost of his boots relative to other smaller boot brands coming out of Asia, it is also a big reason why the leather on his boots consistently break in and age so well. I have yet to see a pair of Flame Panda boots that have any unsightly creasing or loose grain, and I’m sure my pair will be no exception.

The 181 Last

Here’s a closer look at the tope shape of the 181 last. It’s got a nice almond toe shape without going overboard with pointy-ness. The outer sweep of the toe box has a more gradual, soft curve than the Onderhoud last, and even more so the Benzein Kujang last. It’s a clean and strong shape, with more of a sophisticated vibe than your typical work boot.

Outsole

Nice and clean outsole stitching by hand, with no overly wonky stitches.

The Liner

I chose to have this pair fully lined with a warm brown kangaroo leather. This makes the upper feel even more robust and structured (especially noticeable around the ankle/shaft of the boot), and gives them a bit more of a luxurious feel when on foot. (Also, note the half gusseted tongue. I highly prefer gusseted tongues over the standard floppy tongue. I specified during my order that I wanted a gusseted tongue, so I’m not 100% sure this tongue would come standard. Might be worth asking when/if you do order a pair for yourself.)

The Brogued Cap Toe

This is my first boot with a brogued cap toe. While I still think I prefer plain toes on my boots, I do like how this brogued cap looks here.

270 Degree Stitchdown Construction

Peng is probably most known for his 360° storm + embedded eversion welt. However, it is on the chunkier side, and I felt it would take away from the clean, sleeker look of this boot. Thus, I opted for double row stitchdown construction, which I think turned out quite nicely.

Peng’s welt stitching is very tight, parallel, and uniform, with a higher stitch count. Esthetically, I think it looks pretty similar to the 270° veldschoen stitching on my derbies from @renavgoodsco (seen at the 12 o’clock position below).

12 o’clock: Renav 270° veldschoen

2 o’clock: Truman 270° stitchdown

4 o’clock: Ostmo boots 270° custom welt stitching

6 o’clock: Benzein 270° veldschoen

8 o’clock: Role Club 270° flat welt

10 o’clock: Onderhoud 270° veldschoen

Inclined Curved Heel

If you haven’t been able to tell already, these are not the inclined curved heels (aka woodsman heels) that I had initially requested. While this is a pretty significant misstep on Peng’s end, I actually don’t mind too much. For low block heels, these appear to have been executed very cleanly, and it does complement the rest of the boot pattern quite nicely. If I had been dead set on having woodsman heels on these boots, I could see this being more of a dealbreaker.

Upper Stitching

Overall, the stitching on the upper is clean and tight, with a very uniform stitch count. There are a few spots where there are a few mis-stitches, which I will point out later. For now, here are a few macro shots to appreciate Peng’s stitch work.

One area on the upper where the stitching isn’t exactly perfect is along the left cap toe. As you can see below, there is one spot in the broguing pattern where it gets a little too close to the double row of stitches, and the thread actually tore into the brogue hole. Functional issue? No. But just something small I noticed.

A second spot that might be considered less than perfect is this stitching on the right boot, where the quarters meet the vamp. It looks like there may be an extra stitch in the vertical line extending beyond the horizontal stitch. This is seen on both the inside and outside quarters, and only on the right boot. (I included a pic of the stitching on the left boot a few photos back, where you can see the stitch lines come to a perfect T.) Again, this is being extremely nit-picky, and has no real bearing on the durability or quality of the boot itself.

A third and possibly the (relatively) biggest stitching imperfection was this loose thread on the front corner of the inside right quarter. It appears as though the end of the thread came out of the stitch hole. I later trimmed the loose thread and singed it with a lighter to prevent it from progressing, but there is still an empty stitch hole in the leather where the thread once was.

While we’re on the topic of imperfections, there is also a little bit of what appears to be black polish smeared along the brown welt of the right boot. Not a big issue, nor is it even a stitching or construction issue. Again, just thought I’d point it out to be thorough.

On Foot

First off, I would just like to praise Peng for absolutely nailing the fit of these boots. My feet are ugly and stupid, and sizing any footwear has always been a nightmare. However, using just the measurements and information I provided above (since getting measured in person was not an option), he still managed to build a perfectly fitting boot for my imperfectly shaped feet. I’ve worn them a few times now, and I’ve had zero pain whatsoever.

That being said, these boots are by far some of the stiffest boots I’ve ever worn—in a good way. I can tell these will require a good amount of wear to really break them in and have them relax and shape to my foot, but I’m looking forward to it. (Note, I’m in no way saying that this extended break in period will be at all painful; rather, just that it’ll take some time for the upper leather and sole to soften up.) These boots feel like tanks, and lacing these up make my feet feel invincible. I felt like Steph Curry wearing double ankle braces when I first tried walking in these, but the shafts are slowly starting to break in and roll with wear. The soles were also initially very rigid (like I was walking on planks of wood), but are beginning to flex more as I continue to wear these. Also note that I had these built on single leather midsoles! I can’t even imagine how stiff these would be if they had 1.5 or double layer midsoles (which are a quite popular request, from what I’ve seen on Peng’s Instagram).

Conclusions

I know it’s still early, but I can confidently say that these Flame Panda boots are one of the highest quality boots in my collection. They are definitely the most robust, and despite a few minor finishing issues, the level of cleanliness and finishing by Peng and his family is unmatched by the majority of boot makers worldwide (at least from what I’ve seen on Instagram). Other than maybe Goto-San of White Kloud (@show_goto), Peng is one of the best at not only sourcing beautiful leathers, but clicking as well. I have yet to see a pair of his boots with any unsightly creasing or grain, which gives me the confidence to recommend him to anyone who may be interested in purchasing a pair of these, or any of his other boot patterns.

I apologize if this has started to sound like a sponsored or endorsed advertisement, but I genuinely love these boots, and I believe Peng is a great dude who deserves the recognition he has been receiving lately. He is super generous and genuine, easy to talk to (albeit sometimes slow to respond, with the sheer volume of DMs he now receives), and is constantly striving to improve his materials and skills. And with a personality and passion like that, how could anyone not want to support him? These may have been my first pair of Flame Pandas, but they definitely aren't the last. (In fact, they’re already not. lol)

Anyway, hit me up via Instagram if you have any questions about Peng, Flame Panda, or anything else denim/boots related. Also, follow along over there to see how these stunning black Maryam horsebutt boots age with wear. I’m excited to see how they break in, and so should you. Ttfn!

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brooklynislandgirl · 4 years ago

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SENSORY DETAILS Tagged by: No One, I do what I want. Tagging: Be Fae, Steal Memes

Scent: Beth doesn’t do cologne or perfume the way most women do. One reason is because of her work. A good almost 40% of emergency room visits are due to or co-morbid with respiratory distress. There are also allergies and sensitivities to keep in mind. Instead, she makes her own essential oil blends and uses them very sparingly.

She also uses all natural, organic, cruelty free, no animal testing, sustainable beauty products, and often as she can ones that use ingredients from Hawai’i, as a way to support local farmers, and extended kin.

Which tends to mean that she smells like a combination of pineapple, coconut, star fruit, blue ginger, and macadamia or kukui nut, as those scents are prevalent in shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. Her personal favourite essential oils is a mellow but long lasting blood orange and sandalwood combination, or plumeria. She uses Tom’s Natural toothpaste with cinnamon, and her breath is often softly sweet and spicy because of it. She is very careful to brush morning and night, between meals. She uses Schmidt’s Water + Wood deodorant.

She has been told on numerous occasions that she smells like a tropical smoothie, or cookies.

She doesn’t use scented laundry soap or fabric softener, but she keeps her unmentionables in drawers with sachets of sandalwood and plumeria and cinnamon.

After a long day at work her scrubs take on the stale recycled air from work, she often also smells like neoprene {which she uses because she’s allergic to latex}, and often times of blood and betadine. Which is why she usually grabs a shower after getting in, because she doesn’t particularly enjoy the way she smells.

On her days off, you can often find the smell of sea-salt and sunscreen on her skin and in her hair. Those particularly sensitive and knowledgeable can detect traces of Sex Wax on her hands and feet because of her surfboard.

Her two favourite lotions are both from Bath and Bodyworks, the Plumeria and the Green Tea varieties.

Lastly, she often has trace amounts of coffee scent to her which is basically her survival mechanism due to working long hours and being a chronic insomniac.

~*~

Sounds: At first glance most people expect for Beth to sound like a little girl straight out of some weird anime. Like Bernadette Wolowitz. Those people would be very wrong.

Beth is incredibly soft spoken, rarely raising her voice above a whisper. Partially because she was raised with the opinion that children {and in her case, particularly, daughters} should be rarely seen and never heard. Partially because she has been fairly shy most of her life, retiring from conversation that often makes little or no sense to her. She grew up in a multicultural city, on a military base where people of very different tones and accents came and went in her life. From her first word {Panda, which was how she pronounced Andy} to adulthood, she spoke Hawai’ian, Pidgin and English, though the first two languages were reserved for times when the Admiral was not at home as he did not approve of them and still doesn’t.

Despite her learning disability, she had a knack for languages and speaks or partially speaks over a dozen of them.

As an adult, her voice is still soft, but it’s smokey, deeper than what is expected, a quality she shares with her brothers and the Admiral. When she’s tired or stresses a phrase here and there, she tends to have a thickness to it, what is known as vocal fry. This is a quality she retains when she sings. She isn’t as talented at that as her brother is, but what she lacks in skill, Beth more than makes up for in enthusiasm, and often that’s when she expresses herself loudest and emotive.

Beth tends to naturally speak pidgin, a sort of Hawai’ian creole, because it’s easier for her to differentiate words, doesn’t have to worry about tenses in speech, and it comes very naturally to her. When she wants to make herself unmistakably understood she switches to what she calls “haole” which is full English, though doing so causes her speech to come slower as she has to put thought into each word, each syllable. She sometimes forgets the English word for things and uses the Hawai’ian instead. When she does speak she has the bad habit of covering her pauses with filler sounds such as “ah”, “uhm” and the like.

When Beth is excited she might increase noticeably in volume, in pace and rhythm of speech, though still that isn’t by any means loud by other people’s standards. She has perfected the art of talking from behind carefully clenched teeth, almost at a sub-vocal level, a trait handed down from the first angry wife-mother. In sensual situations she’s less likely to form words than she is to vocalise gentle noises; soft and sweet though short moans, breathy exhalations, whimpers, whines, and needy or appreciative growls.

Her laughter is a warm and husky sound though she often hides it behind her hand or bites down on it in a literal fashion for fear of ‘being too loud’. She doesn’t laugh as often as she used to but she does sometimes have a hard time suppressing her giggles. It’s far easier for her to smile, a thing she does sometimes when she is uncertain in conversations with others. ~*~

Taste: As previously stated, Beth often tastes like sweetened cinnamon, as she is very conscientious about her teeth and breath because she does so closely work in other people’s personal spaces.

A random stolen kiss on her mouth might yield coffee/cream, wine, or whatever she might be eating at the time, though she will try to turn away and keep her lips closed if that’s the case. A random stolen kiss or nibble of any other body part will also yield random results. Her hands often taste of soap or hand sanitiser and lotion because as a working nurse-practitioner Beth washes her hands between 120-200 times a day. This is not an exaggeration. Her shoulder or brow might taste like sunscreen or skin moisturiser. Her waist might taste like skin... a blend of salt, essential oils, hints of soap. It isn’t a flavour or texture per se, but it does carry a natural kind of sharpness to the tongue and thus taste-buds according to her personal Ph factor which varies throughout the month.

More intimately, due to her diet, personal hygiene, and body chemistry she doesn’t have a very strong taste or scent. What she does have tends to lean toward a sweetness and clean sharpness, due to a diet rich in fruits and vegetables.

Beth has an extraordinary connection to the cosmic ideal of Life. The downside of it is that this gift makes her blood particularly potent, twice over a normal mortal, and it regenerates quickly. There is very literally magick within it. And as such, vampires have names for people like her: “Cornucopia”, “Big Gulp”, or simply... “Mine.”

~*~

Feel: Due to genetic blessing, one of Beth’s blessings is her skin. Her skin is an ideal blend of smooth, soft and supple. She has a few very pale freckles that linger at the corner of her mouth and across her chin. A few more scatter across the bridge of her nose but they are faint, almost invisible the rare times she wears foundation. She has the start of tiny laugh lines visible when she talks or is otherwise emotionally animated.

The real secret of Beth’s softness is that pesky Spark of Life blessing for a second time. That vitality flows through her with preternatural strength. So much so that most of her injuries heal at an ridiculous pace, and never really leave scars behind. She heals what in three days what would take someone else weeks, cuts heal in a day even if they are deep. Bruises disappear within an hour, leaving no trace. Some of her kind view this as the mark of a born healer, others consider it a recessive albeit desirable mutation. She has the ability to share this gift with others through the power of touch. Anyone she assists in this way recovers at her accelerated rate. The only parts of her that are not youthfully soft are the two tattoos she has, which have given her a texture in those places, and the three dermal piercings she keeps on the ridge of her hip. And, of course, her leg. The shark bite occurred before her Awakening, and has left a permanent mark. The demarcation of the teeth have left thick jagged scar lines along her leg, and within it the muscle that got torn away never healed properly, is permanently emaciated, and shortened the tendons and ligaments, which has given her the slightest of limps, most especially noticeable when she’s tired or overly stressed. She particularly dislikes the way it looks but more so the way it feels, an unnatural reminder that she has at least once cheated death. Beth will go out of her way to keep it out of sight through wearing of floor length skirts, covering it with throw blankets, sheets, and such, or with knee high boots. Touching it, letting your gaze linger on it, and the like is the quickest way to upset her. To make her physically recoil. If she can’t hide it through practical means, such as swimming or surfing, she will apply illusion magick to keep from being stared at, but it can only be hidden visually, touch would reveal it’s existence.

She has a small callous on the first joint of her left and right middle fingers from how she holds a pen.

~*~

Sight: Beth has a left eye astigmatism in that the eye itself is not round but rather egg-shaped. This causes her to need glasses for reading and small/fine detail work. She has hetero-chromia meaning her eyes have two distinct colours, they are mostly green with whorls of a light amber colour surrounding the pupils. Therefore depending on lighting and emotional pupil reaction they can appear very bright green to light brown, with shades in-between. It is a recessive trait, on one hand, but definitely one that is strong in the family as both the Admiral and her Aunt Aishlinn exhibit this trait, as does her brother Andrew. Her brother William inherited blue eyes from his mother and does not possess the hetero-chromia.

If you take this to mean her appearance, there literally isn’t much to her. Beth barely stands a full five feet, most of that being her impeccable posture. There was no slouching or slumping in the Riley household, and as an adult, she compensates for her leg by trying to offset even the mere suggestion of a lean. She also has never weighed over a hundred pounds in her entire life. Combined with a very delicate-looking bone structure and lithe musculature, it’s easy to mistake her at first glance as someone far younger than she actually is. A second or more look begins to give her certain features. For as short as she is, she has very long limbs. Her hands are elegant in their movements, precise, honed from years of hula dancing movements. She tends to talk with them more out of habit than with a purpose, telling stories and subconsciously communicating where words fail. There is a pervasive curve to her shape that all resides in her backside and her legs, also owing to her petite but athletic frame. She is a swimmer. A surfer. A dancer. A jogger. She practices yoga. Therefore her bottom half carries most of her muscle, her centre of gravity, and a generous portion of her femininity though she would punch someone dead in the throat for saying something so sexist and genderist.

~*~

Other abilities: Beth is a master of Life. As such, she ages how she likes. Which means she can be any race or gender she likes. Which means she can be any living thing she wants to be, whether human, animal or plant. Even if only for a little while. She could make herself taller. She could give herself a more traditionally ‘pretty’ figure. She could do a hundred different things with barely a thought. She doesn’t. She isn’t so vain, so desperately hungry for the wrong kind of attention, that she feels it necessary to alter herself in such a way as to really be anyone or anything else other than what she is. She is proud to be a Polynesian young woman, even if she is only hapa.

She relieves stress by running as a deer or swimming as a shark {she IS Rokea (wereshark) kinfolk, after all, and understands Sea better than humanity}. Conversely, if a partner would ask ~for the sake of trying something new~ that she alter herself she would consider it. Whether that meant becoming male, or changing certain aspects of herself. But never permanently. Or if she needed to infiltrate a different organisation, or carry out a plan to it’s fruition. Aside from her shark bite, the only two things she cannot change about herself is the fact that she’s incapable of having children naturally, and she cannot change her teeth or her eyes. {The latter is a primal marking flaw, the former is permanent paradox flaw}.

#She's Talking to Angels {Bethisms}

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pushsyrup7 · 4 years ago

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Hcgenerate is likewise very efficient in boosting the production of testosterone and also can be stacked together with S4 and also LGD. You will be stunned at how much body fat you are mosting likely to lose as soon as you utilize it in mix with consuming in a deficit. There are various methods which body builders can take on a cutting procedure. They can either do it within a more extended period or within a shorter one.

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If you are well-informed about these preparations, you will recognize that the low cost of supplements is a red alarm. Discretion is the major advantage of getting sports supplements on the net. But you should not neglect the speed, convenience, and accessibility to a range of items. As for >> more information of peptides-uk.com Peptides Products plus , you can order them from both Canadian and also international internet sites. The only certified physical suppliers for SARMS are supplement stores throughout Canada. These locations have a good credibility and have been on the marketplace for many years.

Defining principles that influence antimicrobial peptide activity against capsulated Klebsiella pneumoniae - pnas.org

Defining principles that influence antimicrobial peptide activity against capsulated Klebsiella pneumoniae.

Posted: Wed, 21 Oct 2020 07:00:00 GMT [source]

A complete pct, as opposed to a tiny pct with other SARMS, is suggested after a cycle of LGD. While it might not be quite as suppressive as anabolics, the suppression is a lot greater than various other SARMS, thus, needing a complete PCT. The Lingadrol pure bodybuilding SARMs are similar to the Ostarine in regards to activity yet fairly different.

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To me that's how I educate, add this gem with some MK667 (little endurance - more helping the additional hunger not most likely to pure fat). It is not a wonder remedy, yet it will certainly enable you with bad to reduced variance, make gains, as always decrease all outside variables and this thing is incredible.

Fluoroalkylation promotes cytosolic peptide delivery - Science Advances

Fluoroalkylation promotes cytosolic peptide delivery.

Posted: Wed, 12 Aug 2020 07:00:00 GMT [source]

At Phcoker.com we sell many sorts of SARMs online, and all of them are pure, reliable as well as top quality. This way, you have the guarantee that our products will deliver beyond your expectations. All you got to do is order from us, as well as we will certainly ship the products to your area within the shortest time possible. This is because they may be blended with hazardous chemicals because of a lousy production process or quality control. Dishonest manufacturers might also add weak products to the drugs to raise the amount and profits. Mislabelling is another vice frequently done, and also many bodybuilders succumb to it.

General survival is anticipated to be included as a second endpoint, but will likely not be powered or needed to show analytical importance. " It's not actually simply putting on weight that you want, the objective is to add lean muscle mass, and you additionally need renovations in muscle mass function. That's the conundrum," says Julian Gilbert, president of Acacia Pharma, which has a product in stage II testing. Currently, only the progesterone therapy Megestrol is gotten rid of by regulators to deal with cachexia, when associated with HIV.

Short To Ultrashort Peptide Hydrogels For Biomedical Usages.

Stacking is the process where you take many types of SARMs at the very same time to quicken the process of bulking, reducing and also recovery. SARMs are very flexible since you can either make a decision to utilize them on their own or as part of a stack. along with exercise resulted in a 50% mitochondrial growth in the muscular tissues, and also as a result, the cells had the ability to create more energy for this reason reducing tiredness.

What are the side effects of peptides?

Topical creams and ointments containing peptides may cause skin symptoms, such as skin sensitivity, rash, and itching. Individuals should always buy from a reputable company and discontinue use if adverse reactions occur.

One more earlier stage prospect to lately begin the radar is Amgen's AMG 745; although no trials seem ongoing at present the company provides it as a phase I candidate. The medication prevents myostatin, a growth hormonal agent that itself inhibits muscular tissue development. Vicus' VT-122 is an oral mix of propranolol, a non-selective beta adrenergic receptor blocker, and etodolac, a COX2 careful enzyme inhibitor. The firm believes by synergistically targeting multiple paths, cancer-induced systemic swelling can be attentuated and, with any luck, cachexia turned around. A stage II research was begun last December in advanced liver cancer cells patients being treated with Nexavar. The 80-patient research will certainly determine pain, efficiency status as well as lean body mass.

Can Consuming Collagen Quit Skin Ageing?

The body, for that reason, functions as if it is in hunger setting and with this, there is a drastic reduction in the body fat. While lots of steroids in the marketplace might cause bone wastefulness or loss, SARMs will certainly not. They are very selective in their action consequently not most likely to hurt your other tissues.You most likely would not wish to damage your body cells just because you desire others to increase in dimension. That's the reason many individuals that want to boost their performance choose making use of SARMs since they will only alter the tissues that bring about growth in the dimension of bones and muscular tissues. Ostarine or MK-2866 (CAS #) is a research chemical established initially by Merck Inc. and now owned by GTx Inc

LGD-4033is a careful androgen receptor modulator, as well as an unique non-steroidal dental SARM that binds to Androgen Receptors with high affinity and also selectivity. It's in a course ofandrogen receptor ligands that is cells discerning, established to treat muscle wasting connected with cancer, severe as well as persistent illness as well as age-related muscular tissue loss. It is clear to you that all of the above-described activities need significant funds, yet additionally a lot of time as well as job. Low marketing rates are insufficient for producers to return the financial investment.

If the peptide lingers as noticeable fragments, sonication might prove of help as it enhances the price of dissolution.

Most importantly it also offers the possibility to discover formerly unattainable biosuperiors.

As a whole, attempt to dissolve peptides in clean and sterile pure water or sterilized thin down acetic acid (0.1%) solution to offer a stock solution at a higher focus than that required for succeeding usage.

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Super Lotion which is anti-bacterial, making it truly great for oily, spot-prone skin types, along with any kind of slightly extra fungal-type conditions.

If, after sonication, the 'option' has gelled, has a consistent haziness, or has a scum floating externally, the peptide has probably not dissolved yet is simply carefully suspended.

The worldwide peptide therapeutics market is expected to be worth $24 billion by 2020.

In both methods, the main objective is to maintain as much muscular tissue mass as possible. MK-2866 will certainly assist shield your gains since it is a mild SARM and functions well when there is a calorie deficit.

Best Marketing Sarms In Uk 2020sale!!!

Simply picture what could occur if you went full-bore as well as were a perfectionist? The only thing I can not do is compare this to roids - they possibly better yet fuck understands that from and also what their variation will do! , however I have a regular order with JW Supps due to the fact that, me being human as well as prone to life, these men aid me with some initiative in the health club, get where I require to be.

It isan outstanding medicine for reducing fat and also stay in shape as a professional athlete. Its daily usage is typically around 10mg for simple healing from severe ailments or pains. This kind of pure SARMs inhibits testosterone that has extra anabolic characteristics than testosterone itself. Individuals utilizing this pure SARMs tends to dose two times a day, but it is not suggested for the initial individuals due to the fact that excess usage might create negative effects. In no question, pure SARMs are splendidly made, and also the item has been verified by physician to reduce muscle or bone pain, mind troubles, hostility, as well as also cancers cells. Don't be amazed that various systems can state a range of functions that this technique supplies. This is due to the fact that; the importance and also benefits to the body system can not be overemphasized.

youtube

As the name recommends, SARMs have the capability to pick the certain receptors they are mosting likely to bind to. This is a significant impact when it comes to remaining healthy and balanced and also feeling your ideal while taking such items. You do not need to accept mayhem as well as negativeness within the mind and body to get the advantages you seek. access peptides-uk Ireland bpc157 how does it work here! is they don't featured a long list of harmful negative effects. It is motivating when you can obtain advantages for your body as well as your mind with SARMs, and not need to be overly worried regarding the unfavorable aspects. Peptides function by making adjustments to the human endocrine system, which includes the pancreas, ovaries, testes, thyroid as well as various other hormonal agent producing glands. Changes to this system can have really significant effects in regards to human development, development as well as reproductive systems.

click here to learn more is made use of off-label in cancer cells clients, as well as functions by boosting appetite. Steroids are additionally utilized, to develop muscle mass, however neither of these treatments promotes effective development of well working muscle-- a large challenge for any type of treatment. The loss of muscle and also fat can weaken a patient to such a degree that the cachexia is the cause of death in several cancer cells patients-- approximately 20% according to some estimates. It likewise leaves individuals less able to combat the underlying condition as well as endure radiation treatment, or other cancer cells eliminating agents, along with increasingly hindering everyday tasks. With PMag the beginning of insane pumps is relatively quick but no such thing was experienced with LGD. I obtained approx 5kg mass (fat+ muscular tissue) on Pmag and also have actually not observed any such body make-up distinction with LGD.

I started taking these as well as I might see gains being made after the very first week. I have tried afew sarms currently as well as saw the best gains on these without a doubt. I do not typically create reviews and also this website does not seem to reward when you do, not an issue, yet I have discovered these evaluations helpful to for my very own ends so wished to share the love. Gents, drop the associates, up the weight and keep the pause traditional but truthful.

. MK-2688 belongs to a class of chemicals known as SARMs or discerning androgen receptor modulators. Contrasted to testosterone, the sex hormonal agent, the benefit of SARMs such as MK-2688 is that they do not have androgenic activity in non-skeletal-muscle cells. MK-2866 is undergoing scientific trials for and might eventually be clinically indicated as well as accepted for prevention of cachexia, atrophy, and also sarcopenia primarily in the elderly as well as unwell populace.

Do humans have antimicrobial peptides?

A wide variety of human proteins and peptides also have antimicrobial activity and play important roles in innate immunity. In this review we discuss three important groups of human antimicrobial peptides. In humans, two classes of defensins can be found: α-defensins and β-defensins.

On issues adverse effects, it is excellent to keep in mind that SARMs come with side effects similar to various other drugs. The SARMs side effects are mild and also will hardly ever affect your day to day activities. To avoid on your own from suffering from extreme side effects ensure that you take the suggested dose with the correct time frame. Among the very best natural supplements that can be made use of together with any kind of SARM to boost gains and recovery is Creatine.

It was uncovered by Yuichito Kanno, and it is one of the most effective SARMs considering that it is very useful in weight loss and obtaining muscles without struggling with severe negative effects like liver damage or high blood pressure. Decrease body fat-If you target at losing body fat, after that SARMs will certainly aid you to burn it in numerous ways. These items stimulate the body to break down the fat cells with the objective of producing energy.

#BPC157 EU #BPC157 Europe #information BPC157 EU #information BPC157 Europe #EU BPC157 how does it work #Europe BPC157 how does it work

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bssaz97 · 5 years ago

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What do you think a Lancaster wedding would be like (also the last ask you answered was awesome thank you can’t wait for part 2)

Today was the day many in their group had been anticipating, the day they stopped being only two people, but one. It was a beautiful day, the sun was out, the clouds were minimal, and the wind was mild but not freezing. A large group was gathered together inside the auditorium of the newly reopened Beacon Academy, who are all here to see the most anticipated ceremony since the end of the Salem War. Most of the guests are friends and family of the bride and groom, but others are ones who have served in the line of duty alongside them and felt it necessary to show their support. Everything was going perfectly.

At the front of the auditorium stood the groom along with his best man, Lie Ren. The two awaits the arrival of the bride to be and her bridesmaids, all the while the groom is sweating up a storm in anticipation. He has waited for this moment for nearly a year and finally the day was here. At the age of 22, Jaune Arc would soon be married to the most special person in his life and his best friend of 5 years, Ruby Rose. Who would soon transition into being his wife after today.

Ren: *Nudges the blonde* Nervous?

Jaune: Yeah. You could say that again. Feels like facing against an army of ancient Grimm again. You know, in a good without the possibility of dying way.

Ren: I see.

Jaune: I can’t believe we’re finally at this day, I mean I knew it was coming eventually but to actually experience it...it’s unreal. You know, in a good way because I love Ruby and wouldn’t want to be here with any other person. Is it weird how much I’ve been looking forward to this day all month long? I mean it could just be wedding jitters but I can’t tell. Did you feel this way during your wedding day Ren? Because I could really-?

Ren: *Placed his hand on Jaune’s shoulder* Jaune, you’re rambling.

Jaune: Sorry.

Ren: *Chuckles* You’re fine. It’s your wedding so just relax and be yourself.

Jaune: *Laughs* Yeah I guess you’re right. I wonder if Ruby is holding up any better?

Meanwhile...

Ruby: Is it time to go out now?

Weiss: No.

Ruby: *Begins to tap heel* ...is it time now?

Yang: *Shakes head* Nope.

Ruby: *Tapping increases* .....how about now?

Blake: Not yet.

Ruby: .......now?

Weiss/Yang/Blake: NO!

Ruby: Gah! I’m sorry girls, I’m just so nervous!

Yang: Everything’s going to be fine Rubes. The word thing that could happen is if Vomit Boy leaves you at the alter. (Which he better not.)

Blake: What Yang is trying to say is; you have nothing to worry about.

Weiss: Besides having jitters on your wedding day is perfect normal.

Ruby: I suppose. I just feel like the anticipation is killing me though.

Nora: *Places hand on Ruby’s shoulder* Ruby. Do you remember how I was on my wedding day?

Ruby: Yeah. We barely got you out of the room that day you were so nervous. We had to pry you from the door. *Giggles*

Nora: And do you remember who it was that got me to walk down that aisle that day?

Ruby: I did. I gave you a speech about how it wasn’t the end of the world but-

Nora: ‘A new chapter of my life’. And you know what? I never regretted it since. Now, it’s my turn to help ya out sister.

Ruby: ...‘sniff’ Oh my gods Nora you’re gonna make me cry.

Weiss: Please don’t! I spend a good half hour getting her makeup just right!

Penny: Friends I believe its time for the ceremony to begin.

Yang: Ok, places girls!

Ruby: *Exhales* Alright show time.

//////Play this if you wish; Image its playing//////

https://youtu.be/fOymevxe1pI

youtube

The bride and her bridesmaids start on their way to the main door of the altar. It takes a few minutes but they finally make it to the main door, where Taiyang is waiting. Ruby walks up to her father and he smiles at her, small tears start to form but do not fall. The time for crying would come later. Besides he needed to keep his composure, he can’t afford to look break down on his little bud as he walks her down the aisle.

Taiyang: You ready?

Ruby: *Nods* I’m ready.

Taiyang: You look beautiful.

Ruby: *Smiles* Thank you Dad.

The two interlock their arms and prepared for the doors to open. It was almost time...

*Crrrreeeeaaaakkkk!*

The main doors of the room open, causing everyone in the auditorium to face towards the entrance. As it does, red and yellow rose petals descend from the ceiling and begin to cover the aisle in rose petals. The bride and her father, arms interlocked, starts to make their way down the aisle with her bridesmaids in tow. Everyone watches as the bride makes her way to the alter, but none more so than the groom himself. As he could not take his eyes off of her.

He recalls the time when he first happened to meet this woman in the courtyard of this very school. For the time he had been with Ruby, Jaune watched as she grew from the youthful, awkward, quirky girl he found in a crater into a strong, remarkable, and inspiring huntress of Remnant. Now, she had transcended once again into the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes upon. Today she was adorned in a crimson A-Line/Princess wedding dress with additional armor (vambrace, corter, rerebrace) on each of her arms and a black sash around her waist. This was the woman he wished to spend the rest of his days with, his co leader and best friend, his Crater Face.

Ruby felt as her heart was pounding in her chest, the only thing she can focus on was keeping eye contact with her groom and husband to be, her first friend at Beacon. She recalls when he had helped her out of that crater that day, the one who became her friend when she all others left her behind and it was the boy who puked on her sister’s boots. She watched him as he went through his highest and lowest points in life, but continued to be by her side and help others despite his own suffering. He was no longer the clumsy, inexperienced, and dorky trainee she had met but rather evolved into Remnant’s Shining Knight. Jaune looked more and more like the knights of her childhood dreams, all of her hopes and wishes for him had come to fruition and now he would be taking her as his bride and wife to be.

As father and bride made it to the alter, the groom descends down the steps to meet them, while the bridesmaids walk up the alter to take their positions. Once Jaune meets the two, the two men smile at each other, then Taiyang lets go of his baby girl and hands her to Jaune. As the two interlock their arms, the bride and groom together walk up the steps to the alter. There waiting for them is the bridesmaids the best man and Glynda Goodwitch, the newly appointed headmistress of Beacon. The ceremony can now begin.

Glynda: Dear friends and family, we are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of Jaune Arc and Ruby Rose in marriage. In the years they have been together, their love and understanding of each other has grown and matured, and now they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife. True marriage is more than joining the bonds of marriage of two persons; it is the union of two hearts. It lives on the love you give each other and never grows old, but thrives on the joy of each new day. Marriage is love. May you always be able to talk things over, to confide in each other, to laugh with each other, to enjoy life together, and to share moments of quiet and peace, when the day is done. May you be blessed with a lifetime of happiness and a home of warmth and understanding. Ruby Rose and Jaune Arc, remember to treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Take responsibility for making the other feel safe, and give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficulty and fear assail your relationship, as they threaten all relationships at some time or another, remember to focus on what is right between you, not just the part that seems wrong. In this way, you can survive the times when clouds drift across the face of the sun in your lives, remembering that, just because you may lose sight of it for a moment, does not mean the sun has gone away. And, if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight. May you always need one another, not to fill an emptiness, but to help each other know your fullness. May you want one another, but not out of lack. May you embrace one another, but not encircle one another. May you succeed in all important ways with each other, and not fail in the little graces. May you have happiness, and may you find it in making one another happy. May you have love, and may you find it in loving one another. Do you Jaune Arc, take Ruby Rose to be your lawfully wedded wife, promising to love and cherish, through joy and sorrow, sickness and health, and whatever challenges you may face, for as long as you both shall live?

Jaune: I do mam.

Glynda: Do you Ruby Rose, take Jaune Arc to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?

Ruby: Yes, I do. *Nods*

Glynda: At this point the bride and groom can now speak say a few words.

The two turn to face one another, interlocking hands and looking into each others eyes.

Jaune: Ruby, for as long as I could remember you have always been with me at my best and at my worst and you have never turned me away. For this, I take you as my companion, my wife, and my love. I promise to care for you, honor you, and cherish you, for as long as we both shall love. Now and forever.

Ruby: ....Wow. ‘Sniff’ That totally beats what I was gonna say.

Jaune: *Wipes her growing tears* It’s ok Ruby, I bet I’ll like yours better.

Ruby: ‘Giggles’ Dork. Ok.....Jaune, you have stuck with me and been my pillar when I thought the world would collapse around me. You’ve never once stopped believing in me and you have no idea how much that means to me, not only as a huntress, a leader, but as a friend also. For this, I take you as my companion, my love, and my husband. I promise to stand by you, respect you, and love you with all my heart, for as long as we both shall love and to the next life.

Jaune: ..... ‘sniff’ Come on, that’s not playing fair. *Smiles*

Glynda: The ring bearer shall now come forth with the wedding bands.

From the side comes a four year old Adrian walking up carefully with the bands on a plush pillow. Once carefully walking up all the steps (causing many in the audience to coo and taking photos at the adorableness of it all) he waddles up to the giggling bride and smiling groom.

Jaune: Thanks buddy. *Rubs Adrians head.* Then he and Ruby give each other their wedding bands. One decorated to have a yellow lining with crimson metal surrounding it and one with a red lining with gold metal surrounding it.

Glynda: If any should object to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace...... Really? No one at all?

Everyone: *Laughs*

Glynda: Very well, then by the power invested in me. I now pronounce you, Jaune Rose-Arc and Ruby Rose-Arc as husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.

Jaune: With pleasure.

The now husband and wife took hold of each other’s face and brought their lips together in a gentle but passionate embrace. Then a second gentle shower of orange rose petals descended from the alter as everyone in attendance stood up to applaud the newly weds.

-Fin-

That’s all I got to say about how a Lancaster marriage should go, but I would be happy either way. It took me a bit to think how I would envision this to happen so I hope you guys like it!

Also I got most of the wedding script (for Goodwitch’s lines) from smore.com if you’re wondering because for the life of me I couldn’t remember. But hope it’s lose enough.

Also Qrow and Raven are the ones dropping the rose petals. Btw.

#rwby #jaune arc #ruby rose #lie ren #yang xiao long #rwby lancaster #lancaster #nora valkyrie #blake bellodona #weiss schnee #penny polendina #taiyang xiao long #wedding #this took longer than expected

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things2mustdo · 4 years ago

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The events of recent weeks have proven that it’s not a safe world for masculine men out there. Now more than ever men should be looking into increasing their personal security. As an IT guy I have been thinking for a solution to the problems men face. Below are measures I can recommend one take to increase his security.

Disclaimer: this guide caters to Windows users, but others can still find value.

1. Install a VPN

VPN stands for Virtual Private Network. To understand what a VPN does, first you must understand what an IP is. IP is something like a computer passport number. Each electronic device has it’s own IP address. Websites register your IP when you use them—this makes it easy to find your location, your device, and therefore your identity. A VPN makes it so when you connect to a website you first go through the VPN server. So when you connect to a website instead of seeing your computer IP it shows the IP the VPN provides you. Roosh recently wrote on VPNs.

Example (manually changing IP):

The problem here relies on the credibility of the VPN provider. Many VPN providers register your activity and can then hand it to a government organization if they so demand. Even VPNs that promised not to do this, broke their promise. There is an agreement between the Anglo-speaking countries that affects VPN users. The government can ask the provider for your data, and there is nothing your provider can do to not give it to them.

These countries are referred to as 5 eyes. Currently, similar agreements are being done with other countries, referred to as the 14 eyes: United Kingdom, United States, Australia, Canada, New Zealand, Denmark, France, the Netherlands, Norway, Germany, Belgium, Italy, Spain, Sweden

Definitely get a paid VPN. Free VPNs are not an answer, they most likely register some info on you and are slow. After some research on VPN providers I have found some VPN proviers that are outside the 14 eyes, use encryption, accept Bitcoin, support OpenVPN and have a no logging policy and an overall good reputation.

Here are my findings: blackVPN (Hong Kong, 25 servers, 100 dollars a year), Cryptostorm (Iceland, 13 servers, 52 dollars a year), HIDEme (Malaysia, 85 servers, 65 dollars a year), NordVPN (Panama, 52 servers, 48 dollars a year), Perfect Privacy (Panama, 40 servers, 150 dollars a year), Privatoria (Czech Republic, 12 servers, 23 dollars a year).

One VPN provider attracted my attention particularily, that being BolehVPN, since it is one of the only two providers that offers Tor to VPN alongside VPN to Tor (the other one being AirVPN, which is based in Italy, therefore part of 14 eyes), so if you want that particular set-up, check it out.

Make sure to check the VPN provider’s canary. It is a document that confirms that the VPN provider was not touched by the government. It should be updated every month, if it isn’t unsubscribe. Example.

How to increase VPN security

1) Pay with untraceable money

Sign up for an anonymous e-mail account using Tor and use a Bitcoin Mixer to send Bitcoins to a newly generated address in your local wallet. Alternatively, use the Bitcoin-OTC to purchase Bitcoins ‘over the counter’ from a person, rather than an exchange. Then, use a patched Bitcoin client, such as coderrr’s anonymity patch to avoid linking the newly generated address to any of your pre-existing Bitcoin addresses. —Andrew, Private Internet Access.

2) Make sure you don’t disconnect from VPN and prevent DNS leaks

Use the pro version of VPNCheck to automatically disconnect from internet when losing connection to VPN and to prevent DNS leaks. Or search for the manual way of doing it

3) Use multiple VPNs

Another measure to consider is using two or more VPNs. Basically activate one VPN first, then another one, done.

4) Resolve the PPTP IPv6 VPN flaw

Not likely to affect everyone. PPTP is the weakest VPN protocol and if you use one of the VPNs I mentioned before you will likely use a better protocol, but for those who do, there is a possible flaw that you can correct like this—for Windows Vista and above: Open cmd prompt and type: netsh interface teredo set state disabled.

5) Secure your router

Here’s a guide.

2. Install an antivirus

There are three tiers of antiviruses: antivirus sofwtare, internet suite and premium security suites. Read about them here. At minimum use Microsoft Security Essentials (free software from Microsoft), though paid antiviruses (such as Bitdefender, Kaspersky, etc.) are better.

3. Use Tor and TailsOS for safe web browsing

Many popular browsers are not highest ranked in regards to keeping your anonymity. For example, while Chrome is theoretically secure from spyware and adware, their stance on privacy can be summarized as follows:

He went on, speaking about the future of search. With your permission you give us more information about you, about your friends, and we can improve the quality of our searches. We don’t need you to type at all. We know where you are. We know where you’ve been. We can more or less know what you’re thinking about.

There are factors one must be careful of: cookies, encryption (https), tracking ads, javascript exploits, canvas fingerprinting and others. A writeup on these would take a long time so research them on your own if you wish. I will just mention browsers that avoids these issues.

USE SAFE SEARCH ENGINE

Instead of using the google search engine use disconnect.me installed into Tor (or install as extension into Firefox)

TOR BROWSER

Tor Browser is an internet browser designed for online anonymity. It is a modified version of Firefox with add-ons pre-installed. Tor works somewhat similar to the VPN concept. Before connecting to a website you go through “nodes”. Which are private stations, each with its own IP. So instead of showing your IP, it will show the IP of the last node you traveled through.

The downside of Tor is that it is slow, due to the fact that it works thanks to enthusiastic individuals. Tor is not for casual usage, but specifically for privacy needs, particularly posting online or searching the deep web.

Tor has some weaknesses you must be aware of:

First

Oftentimes when you are using a network, the network provider can’t see what you are browsing, but they can see that you are using Tor. You can use things like a bridge obfuscator, obfsproxy, or setting VPN to Tor. This is a complex issue, here is a guide on hiding tor usage from ISP (internet service provider).

Second

The trustworthiness of exit relays. When the government found out about the popularity of Tor they created their own exit nodes, that acted as honey traps. To fight this, use a TailsOS (or booted off a flash stick, DVD or SD card in a public wifi spot, like a coffee shop). That way even if the final node was a trap, it would only lead to your TailsOS profile, not your general one. Check so the public wifi spot you are using has no cameras around, so they will not be able to check camera footage of who used a laptop in that particular time frame. Don’t forget to log off when finished. Alternatively, use Tor to VPN.

Third

Often many programs, like torrents, will ignore Tor, even if you manually force them and just connect straight away, thus giving you away. The answer is to not use torrents with Tor. I REPEAT, NO FILE SHARING ON TOR.

There are of course other various vulnerabilities out there. And as a reminder, Silk Road, a large black market was cracked in the past.

COMBINING TOR WITH A VPN

Tor is good on its own but even better when combined with a VPN. There are 2 methods : Tor to VPN, VPN to Tor. Both have their weaknesses. First one allows ISPs to see you use Tor, the second does not protect from malicious end relays . VPN to Tor masks your Tor usage, Tor to VPN protects from malicious exit nodes.

I have thought of using VPN to Tor to VPN, which should theoretically accomplish both. For VPN to Tor use a secure VPN provider and add non-Tor traffic to mask usage. For Tor to VPN, pay with anonymized bitcoins and never connect to your VPN without connecting to Tor first.

VPN to Tor: The Harvard bomb hoaxer was de-anonymized because he was the only one in college using Tor. If he went through a VPN first, he would have been harder to track (assuming his VPN provider did not keep logs).

Tor to VPN: Protects from malicious exit nodes, on the other hand. TailsOS with public wifi accomplishes the same. Of course, either is better than nothing. Which you choose depends on your needs. The only two providers that offer Tor to VPN are AirVPN (based in Italy, so part of 14 eyes, but not the 5 eyes) and BolihVPN.

IF YOU DON’T WANT TO USE TOR

While using Tor is advisable, for casual usage you can set Firefox to be very secure with the help of add-ons and custom settings. Here is a guide.

WEBSITES THAT BAN VPN AND TOR

Certain websites ban Tor (e.g. Imgur). Use an alternative then (e.g. Anonmgur). Otherwise use VPN to Tor. There are VPN providers that cycle IPs, so that helps with VPN IP range bans.

TAILSOS

Windows is not very safe. There have been rumors of NSA backdoors on Windows devices. Supposedly NSA can store almost everything you do online (including Facebook, popular mail providers, and possibly things offline).

There are some good alternatives out there, TailsOs being one of them. TailOS is an operating system specifically designed for security and is Linux based. It can be ran off a USB stick. For those extra paranoid, use Tor in a public space on a laptop with TailsOS loaded of a flash drive.

Of course TailsOS is not very suitable for day to day needs, so use it for shitlord purposes. For your day to day purposes you might have to use Windows, but for the love of god, DO NOT use Windows 10, it is absolutely awful for security.

I prefer Windows 7. If you are more advanced, you can use alternative platforms like Debian or some distro of Linux or whatever. Just beware, many programs for Windows do not have alternatives on Linux based systems. If you are a casual, moving to another platform can be difficult. And if you really are a nerd, then you can look into some exotic setup like Qubes + Whonix or whatever other myriad of OS and Virtual Machines there are around.

4. Other darknet browsers

I2P network: While Tor is designed to anonymously browse the normal web and onion sites, I2P is a web of it’s own. Preferably to be browsed through Tor. It allows (slow) torrenting and great for messaging, IRC, file sharing, secret websites (.i2p)

Freenet – Freenet is a peer-to-peer platform for censorship-resistant communication.

5. Look into bitcoin and online currency

Bitcoin is virtual currency that has taken the world by storm in recent years. There are other online currencies competing against it, but Bitcoin is the most established online currency. It is the default virtual currency. Bitcoin is not for daily usage, rather online purposes. There are VPN services that accept payment with bitcoin. There are even services that will store physical gold in exchange for bitcoin.

Truly a financial revolution. Unfortunately, it’s also a big headache for tax services. Bitcoin is also infamous for being used to purchase illegal stuff on the internet black market. But you wouldn’t use it for that, would you?

To start using bitcoins just register a bitcoin wallet and you are good to go.

HOW TO INCREASE BITCOIN ANONYMITY

Bitcoins are not anonymous by default. They must be washed and anonymized. Buying through Tor + Coin mixing + anonymity patched bitcoin client. Over the counter (OTC) bitcoins are an option as well.

6. Use proper password protection

Never use the same password twice. Try to make it long and contain both characters and numerals, etc. Hint : use L33t, P@ssVV0r|)333. If you can, add non English characters even better, PåSsWøRд0, but you can’t always do it.

If you are unsure, use a safe password generator, such as Master Password To manage passwords use a password manager, such as KeePassX.

7. Use proper mail protection

Use throwaway email to register in most places. Never use your public e-mail to register anywhere controversial like Neomasculintiy affiliated websites.

SAFE MAIL PROVIDERS

For general mail needs, use a mail provider that is focused on security. I found two outside 14 eyes, in Switzerland: ProtonMail (free), NeoMailBox (50$/year, custom domain option ex : [email protected], [email protected])

Remember to still use personal safety measures, like additional encryption. Never trust 2nd parties with your protection completely.

BECOME AN EMAIL PROVIDER YOURSELF

Another interesting move is to become a provider yourself, in essence create your personal Gmail by turning your PC into a mail server. To do this, use Mail-in-a-box. They have good guide on their site https://mailinabox.email/.

USE A SAFE MAIL CLIENT

A mail client is a program that allows you to manage mail from the cloud by saving it locally, by connecting to the email host, such as Gmail. The default mail client in Windows is Microsoft Outlook (which sucks). I will focus on my preffered mail client setup.

1) Download Thunderbird

2) Install the Enigmail add-on, to allow encryption

3) Install the TorBirdy add-on, to make Thunderbird run through Tor

BEWARE THE LAW

Beware of a law that allows government officials to read any mail hosted online older than 6 months without a warrant. Use an external email client like Thunderbird or Enigmail, download your emails and store them locally. Never leave them on the server.

EMAIL ALTERNATIVES

Look into email alternatives such as : Bitmessage, I2P-Bote, Retroshare

8. Use encryption for messaging

Encryption is the process of making a message unreadable to third parties. Some programs do it for you, manually you can use a program like GPG4win or similar which uses PGP encryption.

The way it works is this :

1) You create your public key.

2) You digitally sign the information with your private key, so when the other side verifies it with their own public key, they can confirm that it is indeed YOUR public key. (WebOfTrust)

3) When someone wants to write to you he encrypts it using the public key you provided, or the other way around.

4) You then use your PRIVATE key to decrypt the message he sent you.

Here is a tutorial:

youtube

MOBILE ENCRYPTION

There are encryption possibilities for your phone as well. First, set encryption on your Android device. Second, use an app called Signal

9. Scrub EXIF data of photos you post online

When you take a photo with a particular device, often it registers what device you used to take the photo, when and where it was taken. To avoid this problem, before posting online use an EXIF scrubber. It is a piece of software that deletes all information that might incriminate you.

Some examples are BatchPurifier Lite and Exif Pilot. Also, careful with what photos you post of course, nothing that could indirectly lead to you.

10. Torrent and stream safely

Torrenting can be useful for file transferring. If you plan to torrent anything or share something with friends, look into safer peer to peer torrenting. P2P is good for small files. Generic torrent services are good for larger files.

One advice I have is avoid torrent programs known for their untrustworthiness, such as BitVomit (BitComet) and uTorrent (closed source + adBloat). qBit, Deluge, Tribler (this one’s interesting) are good options (open source and lightweight).

Beware of laws in certain countries that forbid downloading stuff online. Germany is particularly infamous for this. There are ways to combat this issues through VPNs. But DO NOT USE TOR, I REPEAT, DO NOT USE TOR FOR FILE SHARING. For even more secure anonymous file sharing look into I2P (beware avg speed: 30 kbs per sec)

As for streaming, Popcorn Time and other analogous services (such as PornTime) are used to stream new movies (and porn) respectively. They are based on BitTorrent technology. They are relatively safe services, as long as you use a VPN.

11. Encrypt the files on your PC

Use VeraCript, a piece of software designed to encrypt disk partitions or whole USB drives. It is the successor of TrueCrypt (which stopped development after feds asked them to include vulnerabilities).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fGUJ6AgOjQ

HIDE FILES IN IMAGES

Also, another interesting technique is to hide text, videos and other stuff in pictures, it’s called Steganography.

12. Look into this promising new technology for your online needs

The 3 pieces of software I am about to recommend are TOX , RetroShare and diaspora.

TOX is a Skype clone with focus on privacy.

Retroshare is a private network service. You can use it for private mailing and other purposes.

diaspora is a social network designed for privacy and decentralization https://diasporafoundation.org/

Another interesting possibility for ROK people is to use a .onion or .i2p domain or freenet for a sort of “secret” webpage, unavailable to casuals out there.

To summarize

I think this advice will benefit the ROK community for protecting their anonymity and using secret backup channels for future purposes. Here is a quick cheat sheet:

Casuals: VPN paid with shuffled bitcoin + VPNcheck Pro, Signal on Android, Firefox with add-ons for casual use, Tor for shitlordery, Encrypted mail and hard disk, password manager, ProtonMail for daily use, throwaway mail—everything else, Thunderbird with add-ons, EXIF scrubber. Download email on PC then delete off server.

Advanced: Same as above + Tor combined with VPN, I2P and Freenet, (TBitmessage I2P-Bote Retroshare) instead of mail, becoming mail provider, diaspora*

Super advanced: Same as above + Multiple VPNs, Using Tor off of TailsOS in a public space where cameras cannot film you. Alternative OS and Virtual machines. Secure you router.

Here’s a good collection of security resources.

Always remember, there is no way to remain completely anonymous, just ways to make it harder to be detected.

Read More: 5 Ways To Improve Your Online Game

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rika-kihira · 5 years ago

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Countdown to the dream - Rika Kihira interview with Quadruple Axel

Q: Last season was your senior debut. You achieved a wonderful success. Personally, if you could give yourself a score how many points would you give?

R: I experienced a lot of good and bad things, I think it was a season where I developed my confidence, so about 70 points.

Q: What kind of aspect was not enough for the remaining 30 points?

R: At Japanese Nationals and Worlds I was unable to adjust my boots properly, so I could not perform the programs like I wanted to. But recently I managed to adjust my boots by myself.

Q: That is a big accomplishment. How are you able to grasp something like the feeling of sensitivity?

R: I have been told many times about "sensitivity", but for me it’s more like this kind of feeling “If I can’t jump then I can only switch them” *laughs* On the contrary “I'm not concerned about it”, it’s something that can't be understood.

Q: So do you experience the same condition while wearing normal shoes?

R: Not at all. When it comes to normal shoes any kind of it would be fine *laughs*

Q: At Worlds, it must have been considerably hard to adjust your boots, right?

R: Yes, I ended up wearing different boots in SP and FP. I used new boots in the SP but they were ill-fitting for me; in the FP I skated using the old ones I usually wore up to that time.

Q: Looks like it would be better if it was a bit improved. This off-season, are there any kind of other activities you are spending your time on?

R: I performed at Stars on Ice, went to Colorado for choreography, I sort of trained every day without resting for even one day. Even though it was called "off-season" the way I am spending the time doesn't change from when I am in the middle of the season. Or more precisely, now I am training much longer than in the middle of the season.

Q: Right now what kind of training are you focusing on?

R: I am setting up the jumps properly for my SP and FP. And then training for 4S and 3A.

Q: And what’s your feeling about the 4S?

R: I think it it’s quite improved. In a sense, even if there was underrotation, I am able to jump it several times in a day. Even when I feel, physically, that in the jump “the rotations right now are off”, the times that I was told that "that one now is a clean jump" gradually increased.

Q: Do you plan to put in the 4S during the season?

R: That's the plan. Right now I am practicing in runthrough by jumping 3S but onwards, I want to successfully put the 4S in.

Q: Looking forward to it. This season's SP, Breakfast in Baghdad is really a great song to dance to.

R: Shae-Lynn presented several programs to me. I wondered if I could express something I have never tried before, and I chose it. The choreo was done efficiently, it is an upbeat and intense program, physically it is pretty exhausting *laughs*. But I think after skating it repeatedly I developed the energy along with it. From now on I want to train with the thought that I strive to do well no matter what song they gave me.

Q: Looks like there is no time to even take a breather.

R: In previous programs, after I finished a spin there was a moment to take a breather like "huff", but in this SP after the spin ends transitions are inserted so it is a busy program *laughs*

Q: Is it difficult to get the jumps’ timing too?

R: It was really hard at the beginning, it took me about two months to get the timing successfully.

Q: Even the 3A?

R: This is something I realized recently, but, regarding 3A, the percentage of landing it is higher with uptempo songs. At the beginning, I thought “I can't do it, it's too pressing”, but on the contrary in the FP with a slow tempo song, more or less I experienced more difficulties. Before I jump, the longer I hold the set up, I lose control and it’s hard to maintain the axis. Maybe my timing is a bit fast, that's why I think faster tempo suits me more.

Q: It's the first time you collaborate with Shae-Lynn, what are you thoughts on the actual choreo process?

R: The choreo process took time, about 5 days, but it was hard unlike anything I have experienced before. I tried different patterns countless times and because it has many difficult movements I had muscle pain everywhere *laughs*. But she guided me intensely through the detailed parts, I really learned a lot.

Q: What is the reason you requested Shae-Lynn's choreo for this season?

R: I watched Wakaba-chan's (Higuchi) 007 Skyfall and Rika-chan's (Hongo) Kill Bill and thought “Ah, these choreographies are nice”. From the middle of the previous season I was thinking “I want to try it once”, “What happens now?”. As a result it became a new challenge for me, I think it's good that I made that decision. I felt that in those 5 days I got a lesson that changed my own skating.

Q: Since she is a teacher coming from Ice Dance, there are a lot of things that should be learned from her, aren’t there.

R: Really fascinating skills, she is a teacher who has high ideal skating standards. She showed me how to actually use my entire body to perform. I understand it well, it means that “I want to let out that kind of intensity”, it was really manageable.

Q: On the other hand, the FP 'International Angel of Peace' is choreographed by Tom Dickson, what kind of program is it?

R: The songs of several faiths from around the world are used. I am expressing an angel who unifies them, and the theme of the program is 'To Hope for World Peace'. I really like this, even though there are some difficulties, such as the fact that each scenery requires me to portray different movements and expressions. Q: Turns out it is a program with a heavy theme, in what way was the choreo introduced to you?

R: I was told the tale numerous times, it was conveyed to me that I should view the theme of the program as an important one. The movements to express the anger against war are filled with the thoughts of a peaceful world. There is a meaning in each part of the choreo. I want to express it respectfully. Like in the beginning of Yuzuru Hanyu's Seimei, there is also the presence of Japan in the choreography, matching the arm movements to the sound of Shakuhachi (Japanese bamboo flute).

Q: So the expression also changes according to each song.

R: The means of expression (t/n: on and off ice) are respectively different. Even if you can move your hands and shoulders well on land, you must grasp the balance while doing it on the ice, I think it is really difficult. I want to fill up my training until I can do such moments in the season.

Q: Your programs match the music wonderfully. How do you feel about your own musicality?

R: There are a lot of people who are better than me *laughs*. As for me, like singing the song inside of my head, I think of the movements I want to do on some melody. Since I was young I am conscious of matching my movement with the music. If I was told “this movement for this melody” while getting the choreography, I want to be able to match that melody. Even if I am not told so, I think of “let's match this melody”.

Q: You really have good sensibility to music too. About the costumes, have you decided on both the SP and FP ones?

R: To match the up tempo movements in the SP I think bright colours would be good, so I prepared a red and a blue version. I think the design will give off a mature vibe.

Q: Is it a pants-style costume?

R: No, it's a skirt. What I was wearing at FaOI was the EX Costume for "The Greatest". The SP costume is not finished yet, so I wore the black pants.

Q: Is that so. What kind of image does the FP costume have?

R: The designer just told me the imagery, the colour is light green with sparkles, it is tailored to match every scenery on that program.

Q: You performed at FaOI with Yuzuru Hanyu. Did you receive any influence from him?

R: There is the collaboration with ToshI. While ToshI was adjusting the music Hanyu-san was standing in the rink and doing some image-building. I can't perform on the actual day without checking practice numerous times. But Hanyu-san can build the image of the program inside his head; I want to learn that aspect gradually. I also want to learn from his ability to focus.

Q: Well then, you also have the ability to focus.

R: My problem lies with my sleep. If I don’t get enough sleep I lack the power to concentrate. It's like, by lacking sleep even the content of my program changes. I'm influenced by the quality of my sleep. The more I think of “I can't fail” “I definitely want to jump it”, I can't sleep well. I must do something for it. I think it would be nice if I can overcome this somehow.

Q: It has been decided that your GP assignments are Skate Canada and NHK Trophy this season. What kind of competition do you want to do?

R: During last season's GP Final in Canada I was able to get a good result and it left a good impression on me; at NHK Trophy there will be no time difference so I think it's nice and it's easy to adjust to.

Q: What is your goal this season?

R: In any kind of competition, I want to get high scores in both SP and FP, I want this to be the season where I would be able to increase my personal best score. If I can compete at Worlds, I think it would be nice if I can stand on the podium.

Q: Kihira the athlete is aiming for the gold medal at Beijing Olympics. In this moment, do you have any concept, while imagining the things you are going to do?

R: No injuries until the Olympics. I think I want to challenge the Olympics while having a “leeway” in my mind. Taking the completed form (t/n: sort of like her final form) with me during these remaining two years. During the last season (before the Olympics), I think it would be nice if the state of my mind can be more like “a little bit, maybe I can water down the elements of the program” “competitions are fun”. For the sake of that, I think “from now on of how much training I could do, how much experience can I accumulate”. I don’t want to have such days where I feel relaxed like “maybe today I should take it slowly”, I think I want to go through this by staying completely focused.

Q: Are you going to stay on your guard?

R: Losing focus for a little bit leads to injuries. As long as I am skating, by staying focused I can spend my days by thinking of things like “I wonder how I should go through to perform the best program at a competition” I think I must compete with my own self. Q: About wanting to get into your “completed form” in the remaining two seasons, Are you going for the challenge of inserting 4T in next season?

R: I won't have any leeway in my mind if I could not jump two type of quads. The elements of the program will be more flexible and there will be more range of choices, like jumping one type of quad 2 times. I want to complete 4T too, but really I’m not too good at Toeloop, so looks like it would take some time. First I'd like to attempt it while re-evaluating my 3T.

Q: What's the difficulty of the 4T?

R: I can do the rotations, but the axis is off. I think if the axis is straight it can be executed well. There is no other way but to maintain the axis and training to get a higher rate of success.

Q: Thank you. Lastly, please give your message to the fans.

R: Thank you very much for always giving me a lot of support. This season I'm going to challenge the 4S. Both in SP and FP I will also face a challenge I've never experienced before. I will do my best to have better results than in the previous seasons, and try to improve gradually for the Olympics.

#rika kihira #season: 2019-2020 #interview #translations

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tmandpm · 5 years ago

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This is just a work of fiction. I mean no harm or disrespect to the Mays. Also, a few fast facts: women with PCOS usually start menopause two years later than women who don’t have it, and it’s more likely that they will get pregnant at an older age due to chronic anovulation, also known as not ovulating. Women with PCOS have an increased follicle and oocyte count, an increased follicle reserve, and a slower rate of follicle breakdown. Enjoy!

……………………………………………..

August 2006

The boxes were piled high in the small bedroom. She could see the particles of dust dancing in the light streaming through the window. In two months, she would be fifty, and she sighed as she leaned against the door frame. She knew it was time, but a part of her wanted to hold onto a bit of hope. She could feel Philip’s arms slide around her waist, and she shivered when his lips touched her neck.

“Thinking?” He asked softly.

She nodded, hands coming to hold his over her stomach. “I think it’s time we got rid of it all. None of it has been used,” she remarked sadly.

He nuzzled her neck, pulling her closer. “Come on. Looking at this is never good for you.”

“Where are we going?”

“Bed. We are going to cuddle and nap and have some quality time together. It’s ‪Saturday morning‬, and you being up this early makes no sense.”

“Philip,” she started before his finger pressed against her lips.

His hands held hers. “No. You aren’t the boss today.”

Her smile gave away her compliance as she allowed herself to be guided back to their bedroom. She groaned when her body hit the soft mattress. “Good idea, darling.”

He smiled as he laid beside her. He brought her hand up to his mouth, kissing the back of it before laying beside her and staring at the ceiling. “I knew you would agree with me.”

“It’s been three years now,” she remarked quietly. Her fingers began to fiddle with his ring, and she pulled her lower lip between her teeth.

He grinned when he felt her familiar habit kick in. He quickly turned serious when he remembered what they were discussing. “How do you feel about it?”

“Sad, of course, but I suppose it’s time to move on.”

“Do you want to talk about it some?”

She turned to face him, rolling into his body and tucking herself against him. “No. I just want you to hold me.”

………………………………………..

September 2006

Philip’s hand ran over the blanket as he sat in the floor, folding and sorting clothes. He could feel the tears collecting in his eyes and removed his glasses so he could wipe at them. He heard Theresa sniffle, and he turned, seeing her hold a handkerchief to her nose. “Love?”

“I didn’t think it would be this hard is all,” she told him quietly. “I thought it would be better by now.”

His sad smile made her tear up more. “So did I.”

“At least it will all go to good use. The church said they already had someone in mind.”

He nodded, letting his eyes drift back to his unfinished task. He felt her crouch down and sit beside him before laying her head against his shoulder. “Do you remember when we bought this house?”

“Yes,” she answered softly, “I was so upset to give up my kitchen at our old house.”

Philip laughed, squeezing her leg gently. “But we built you a new one here. I was happy to see that house go. We had too much heartbreak there.”

“We’ve had heartbreak here. More, I’d say.” She turned to study his profile and reached up to stroke his face. “Do you think about it often?”

His eyes met hers, and he stared intently. “Every day.”

“Me too.”

They sat there in silence for what seemed like an eternity before she stood. “I should start dinner.”

“I love you, Tessa,” he called softly.

She turned to look at him, offering a watery smile. “I love you too.”

…………………………………………..

October 1, 2006

They had just left her party, and she sighed as they walked into the house. “That was fun. I feel old,” she teased.

“Old? Never.” Philip’s arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her close, kissing her gently. “Is it bad that I was happy to get out of there?”

“No,” she smiled, “I was too.”

His hands slid down her arms to hold hers before he smirked. “I can finally give you your gift.”

“Gift? You gave me that handbag that was entirely too expensive,” she said with a mock glare.

“This one is a bit more personal than a handbag. Stay right there.” He disappeared into his office.

Kicking her heels off, she plopped down on the couch, closing her eyes as her body melted into it. She could hear him shuffling things around before a loud band followed with, “I’m fine.” Her eyes fluttered shut again as the past fifty years flashed through her memory. The couch dipped beside her, and she felt something heavy being placed in her lap. “Is it a book?” She asked without looking at him or the present.

“Of sorts,” he said, kissing her cheek.

Her lips curled into a grin as she saw the scrapbook. Flipping it open, she began to laugh. Photos from her childhood and their time at Oxford filled the pages. “This is amazing, darling.”

“It’s all fifty years of your life mapped out in pictures and little mementoes,” he explained excitedly, flipping to the pictures of them at their wedding reception. “Even the tipsy ones.”

“I still can’t believe you pulled my garter off with your teeth in front of my father,” she laughed out.

His eyes widened as he looked at her. “Neither can I! When you told me the next day, I was mortified!”

“And to think, after all that flirting, you passed out on me,” she teased.

He blushed, hand going to the back of his neck. “Sorry about that, love.”

“I think I’m the only woman in the world who can say she was a virgin for the better part of a week after being married.”

“I can’t help I got the flu,” he defended. “It’s Damien’s fault. He pushed me in that pond.”

Leaning in, she kissed his cheek. “I think we made up for it.”

“We did. Now look at the rest while I make us some tea.” He pranced into the kitchen, leaving her alone with the book. He had spent the better part of six months putting it together for her, and he knew she would love it. Well, he thought she would anyway. There were things in there that would tug at her heart strings, and he just hoped she wouldn’t turn into a sobbing mess.

Her fingers flipped the pages as her eyes took in the pictures. Occasionally, she would find a little note or a program from whatever event the page was dedicated to. She let out a small gasp when she came to the middle of the book. The light blue paper made her tear up as she saw the little hospital band and the little footprints. Her fingers traced over them slowly, remembering it all as though it was yesterday.

He watched her from the doorway, waiting for her reaction. He set the tea down, rejoining her on the couch and pulling her close. “Well?”

“It’s perfect, Philip. I love it,” she whispered through her tears.

He kissed her head softly. “I’m sorry that we only have pictures.”

“I’d rather have pictures than nothing at all, and I’ll always have you,” she told him before kissing him softly.

…………………………………………….

December 2006

Philip slowly lifted the box out of the boot of his car as another church member helped pull the ones from the backseat. He could see his wife standing and talking with a few of the other women while he completed the task at hand. There was a certain sadness as he did, something almost heartbreaking. When he was sure there was nothing left, he walked over, gently slipping his arm around her waist and tugging her close. “Are you ready? It’s very chilly, and I’d hate for you to catch a cold,” he whispered in her ear while the group was distracted.

“Yes. Let me say goodbye,” she said, smiling sweetly at him.

It was twenty minutes later that they were climbing in the car. The ride was silent, both reflecting on the day as they made the familiar trip back home. Without saying anything, she reached over and grabbed his hand, holding on like it was the last time they’d see each other.

The house was too quiet for either of their liking as they sat at the kitchen table, picking at their lunch of leftovers from the night before. “It’s odd, isn’t it?” She asked out of nowhere.

“It is. That room is empty now.”

“We could turn it into a walk-in closet for me. You could get some space back for your clothes,” she teased.

“That’s your Christmas present sorted then,” he told her with a smile.

She giggled before looking down and brushing her fringe out of her eyes. “I think I want to go back to therapy. I think I’m ready to talk about it now.”

His hand instinctively grabbed hers on the table. “Of course, darling.”

“I thin we both should go. Together. As a couple. I know it didn’t cause any problems between us, but it might do us some good to get everything out in the open. You never really got grieve,” she stated.

She had a point. He didn’t. He was too worried about her, and the fragility of her state of mind. It had taken months to pick up the pieces after it had happened, and when the weight of it all had finally hit him, he had no idea how to cope with it. It was their marriage’s only blind spot; neither of them talked about it, and neither of them dared to ask the other how they really felt. “I’d like that.”

“Good.” She smiled at him again before beginning to clear their plates. “I know we don’t talk about it, about him,” she paused, “but I’d like us to start.”

His eyes took in the soft and sad look in her eyes and he gave a weak smile. “Me too.”

…………………………………………

Christmas Day 2006

Theresa’s soft moan made him smile as he worked away at the arches of her feet. He was on one end of the couch while she laid with her head at the opposite end. They were attempting to recover from the massive amount of food they had eaten earlier before they opened gifts. “Did you ever open that card you got?” He asked.

“No. I assume it’s from a constituent.” She didn’t open her eyes or shift; her body was too relaxed to move.

He smirked, hand starting to tickle her feet as her laugh rang through the house. “Does that tickle?” He asked cockily.

“Philip May, if you don’t stop, I’ll end up kicking you in the face,” she said as she tried to extract herself and catch her breath.

He grabbed her ankle, yanking her to lay on her back as before climbing over her. “I love you though.”

“I love you too,” she pouted, “but that wasn’t nice.”

He kissed her gently. “Better?”

“Only a little.” She held out her thumb and index finger to indicate how much. “Tea and some biscuits would help.”

“As you wish, darling,” he complied, kissing her one more time and going to start the kettle.

Smiling to herself, she sat up and looked at the stack of mail on the end table. She grabbed it and went straight to the large, red envelope that she assumed was a late Christmas card. The cover was intricately decorated with swirls of gold and silver, creating a Christmas tree. The inside was blank, but there was a folded piece of paper and a few pictures. Opening the letter, Theresa teared up as she began reading.

Dear anonymous person,

I don’t know who you are, but I cannot begin to express the gratitude I have for what you have done for me. My name is Caroline, and the things you donated to the church have saved my life. I was in an abusive relationship for three years, and I just recently gave birth. I knew I needed to leave, but I had neither the resources or the money. My main concern was for my newborn son, Jamie. I knew I could never afford all the things we had already bought on my own. But thanks to you, I’m away from the violence and terror that I had become so accustomed to. The church said that you wished to remain anonymous, and I hope you don’t mind that I gave this to the vicar to give to you. They mentioned you had lost your baby, and I am so sorry. But you helped save mine. I could never repay you for that. Thank you for being so kind, and thanking you for being my angel, even if I never know you.

Sincerely,

Caroline xx

Her hand trembled as she looked down at the pictures of the small baby in the crib that was meant to be her son’s, and she could feel the tears begin to roll down her cheeks. She felt Philip pull her into his side as his eyes scanned the short letter. “I don’t know why I’m doing this,” she said as her hands wiped at her eyes. “I really am happy that all of it is being used and went to someone who needed it.”

“It’s hard because we never got to see ours in the crib or the onesies, and you never got to nurse him or watch him sleep. It’s okay, love,” Philip soothed gently, hand making passes up and down her arm.

She nodded, picking up one of the pictures and studying it carefully. “He does look darling, doesn’t he?”

“Yes,” Philip acknowledged, “those dimples are something else, and it’s all because of you. You helped them.”

“We helped them,” Theresa told him. “We, you, me, and our little boy, helped them.”

He kissed her head, agreeing with a nod. “Are you going to write her back?”

She shook her head. “She doesn’t need to know who I am, but I do think we should put his photo in my book. I want it on the same page as him.”

“Of course, love. Can I ask why?”

Theresa smiled at him sadly. “Sometimes I think that we were never meant to have him. Sometimes I think he was always meant to go to someone else,” she said softly as her finger traced the picture, “and I’m okay with that.”

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thebrewstorian · 5 years ago

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This is the [incomplete] story of Oregon beer, part 2

This is the second part of the story of Oregon beer.

Read This is the [incomplete] story of Oregon beer, part 1

This talk is based on an Oregon Encyclopedia article I wrote.

Last February I gave a talk at the Oregon Brewers Guild dinner. None of us knew what was ahead for public health, the economy, and social change. I love giving talks and will certainly repurpose this one, but for now, here are the slides and script with a few additions to reflect the pandemic shut down and updated screenshots from the beer guides.

https://guides.library.oregonstate.edu/beer_research

https://guides.library.oregonstate.edu/brewingarchives

In the spring of 1980, Charles and Shirley Coury, who had owned a vineyard for 13 years in Forest Grove, opened a brewery Portland. They called it Cartwright Brewing Company (Cartwright was Shirley’s maiden name) and their first offering was 150 cases of a mild, English-style ale called Cartwright Portland.

Coury found century-old beer beer-making recipes in “beautiful, old brewing textbooks” in the stacks of the Multnomah County Library. He also made Legal Lager and Deliverance Ale, the latter an attempt to raise money to keep the business open. The beer was nearly $1 per bottle, which was more than customers expected to pay; but the price point wasn’t the issue, the inconsistency was. Although Cartwright closed in 1981, it roused consumers’ appetite for a locally made, small-batch beer, but it also inspired the brewers who came a few years later.

The mid to late 1980s were an exciting time for Oregon Beer.

Richard and Nancy Ponzi, also winemakers, opened Columbia River Brewing (later called BridgePort) and brothers Kurt and Rob opened Widmer Brewing (they added “Brothers” to the company’s name a few years later). Karl Ockert, a recent UC Davis graduate with a degree in winemaking, joined the Ponzis summer 1983 at their vineyard. He and Ponzi were interested in beer and began planning a brewery and portfolio of ales. One became their namesake: BridgePort Ale. Others followed: the award-winning BridgePort India Pale Ale, Blue Heron Pale Ale (named after Portland's official city bird), and a barley wine named "Old Knucklehead." BridgePort was acquired by The Gambrinus Company, owned by Carlos Alvarez, in 1995. Brewery operations ceased in February 2019, and the brew pub closed the next month.

Kurt Widmer enjoyed homebrewing and full-flavored beer. After seeing Chuck Coury’s brewery he knew he had a chance at success. His brother quit his job, his father came out of retirement, and his sister in Germany joined as a partner. Their first beer was a Dusseldorf-style Alt and in 1986, they introduced their "Hefeweizen" to America. Rather than a traditional Hefeweizen characterized by distinctive yeast flavors, this was an unfiltered version of their existing wheat beer (Weizenbier) and used Cascade hops. They served it with a slice of lemon to accentuate the citrus flavors of the Cascade hops. In 2007, Redhook Ale Brewery and Widmer Brothers merged to form a new company called Craft Brewers Alliance, which was later renamed as Craft Brew Alliance. In January 2019, Widmer Brothers Brewing closed its taproom after 22 years. In November, 2019 Anheuser-Busch purchased the remainder of CBA.

Fred Bowman started homebrewing after receiving a “How To” guide from high school friend Jim Goodwin, who was also a talented jazz musician. They brewed test batches in Bowman’s basement and were soon joined by high school friend Art Larrance. In 1984, Bowman and Larrance had a franchise agreement for Portland Brewing Company to produce Bert Grant’s Scottish Ale and Russian Imperial Stout and had leased the 58-year-old Holly Farms creamery building in Portland, but they needed more money before they could open. The two raised $125,000 with a common stock offering and leased equipment from Imperial Leading in Lake Oswego. “Mac” MacTarnahan invested $25,000 and in 1992 they named MacTarnahan’s Pale Ale after him; it became the Portland Brewing’s flagship brew. By 1998 the company was in financial trouble, and that year MacTarnahan bought $3.5 million in debt in exchange for stock. Portland Brewing Company merged with Saxer Brewing Company of Lake Oswego in 2000. In 2004, MacTarnahan, then 88 years old, sold the company to Pyramid Breweries of Seattle. In 2008, Pyramid was acquired by Magic Hat Brewing Company, which was subsequently bought by North American Breweries and then by the Costa Rican company Florida Ice & Farm Company.

McMenamins is famous for brewpubs, music, and hotels. Many of their locations are in rehabilitated historical properties and at last nine are on the National Register of Historic Places. McMenamins was founded by brothers Mike and Brian McMenamin, who grew up in northeast Portland, Oregon. Their influence began in 1974 with the opening of Produce Row Café, which soon made a name as one of Portland's first bars devoted to quality imports and craft beer. Don Younger’s Horse Brass Pub, which opened in 1976, was also an essential component in increasing consumer access and awareness of imported and local beer, as well as provided a community space to share beer experiences. In 1985, the McMenamins opened Oregon’s first brewpub in the Southwest Portland neighborhood of Hillsdale with brew master Carlos Santos. They didn’t adhere to a style and their beers were often unsettling to brewing traditionalists; they used ingredients like blackberries, apples, blueberries, spices, and candy bars. Their first theater pub, and the first in Oregon, was the Mission Theater & Pub (1987). The company then entered the broader hospitality business starting in 1990, when they converted a 74-acre site (that at one time served as the Multnomah County Poor Farm) into McMenamins Edgefield.

One major event that impacted the trajectory of the beer industry in Oregon in the 1980s was legislation that married production and sales.

Before 1985, brewpubs were essentially illegal in Oregon. The state’s post-Prohibition laws said alcohol manufacture and retail could not occur on the same premises; instead, breweries had to work with a third-party distributor to add taps and sell their product. Bowman, Larrance, the Ponzis, the Widmers, and the McMenamin were instrumental in lobbying to legalize the marriage of production and on-site sales.

In early 1985 House Bill 2284 proposed a brewery-public house license that would allow the brewing and selling of malt beverages at the same location; however, wholesale beer suppliers feared new brewpubs would cut into business and launched a counter campaign. On May 9, 1985 HB 2284 was tabled and died. The second bill, SB 813, proposed a bed and breakfast license to permit the sale of beer and wine, as well as a brewery-public house license for manufacturers producing less than 25,000 barrels of malt beverage. On July 13, 1985, Governor Vic Atiyeh signed Senate Bill 813, the “Brewpub Bill,” into law. It allowed brewers to make and sell beer on the same premises, key for increasing revenue and gaining new customers.

Although growth over the next 10 years was slow, throughout the 1980s, four other breweries opened in other parts of the state: Full Sail Brewing (Hood River) and Oregon Trail Brewery (Corvallis) in 1987, and Deschutes Brewery (Bend) and Rogue Ales (originally in Ashland) in 1988. Portland has always had the largest concentration of breweries and Central Oregon has seen exceptional growth, but breweries have opened in new areas to attract diverse consumers. Examples include Calapooia (1993, Albany), Cascade Lakes Brewing Company (1994, Redmond), Terminal Gravity (1996, Enterprise), Barley Brown’s (1998, Baker City), Walkabout Brewing (1997, Medford), Ninkasi (2006, Eugene), Fort George (2007, Astoria), and Block 15 (2008, Corvallis).

A maturing industry needed skilled brewers and since its establishment in 1995, Oregon State University’s Fermentation Science program in the Food Science and Technology department has led brewer education. Homebrew clubs and organizations around Oregon have also provided training for future professionals. Founded in Portland in 1979, the Oregon Brew Crew is one of the oldest and largest home brewing clubs in the United States; it is appropriate that their meetings are held at F.H. Steinbart, a homebrew shop founded in 1918 and the oldest in the country. Other pioneering clubs include the Heart of the Valley Homebrewers (1982, Corvallis) and the Cascade Brewers Society (1982, Eugene).

The Oregon Brewers Guild fills an important role as a non-profit advocate for the state’s breweries; founded in 1992, it is one of the nation's oldest craft brewer associations. Two other important organizations to support increased gender equity in brewing started in Oregon. The Pink Boots Society was founded in 2007 by Teri Fahrendorf, former brewmaster at Steelhead Brewing in Eugene, as a professional organization to support women in the brewing industries. In 2011, Pink Boots members created Barley’s Angels as an educational community for consumers; it became its own organization in 2012.

In addition to more breweries to choose from, consumers had other ways to engage with beer. The Oregon Homebrew Festival, established in 1982, is the Pacific Northwest’s oldest homebrew competition; others followed, including the KLCC Brewfest Homebrew Competition and SheBrew. The Oregon Brewers Festival (established 1988) is one of the nation’s longest running and largest craft beer festivals; others throughout the state include the Portland Craft Beer Festival, the Festival of Dark Arts in Astoria, Bend Brewfest, and Mt. Angel's Oktoberfest.

The increasing popularity of homebrewing and accessibility of imported beers certainly had an impact on the preferences and palates of consumers, as did writing about beer in the public press. Fred Eckhardt was a well-known advocate, critic, educator, mentor, and historian, and his written work on beer and brewing encouraged generations of people to think about beer in new ways. Inspired by a 1972 visit to Anchor Steam Brewery, Eckhardt became an avid proponent of tasteful, complex craft brews. He urged people to focus on flavor, style, and experience in the Oregonian, and also wrote regular articles in national industry publications like Celebrator Beer News and All About Beer. He rose to prominence with his 1970 A Treatise on Lager Beers, a guide to homebrewing and the evolution of lager beer, and 1989 The Essentials of Beer Style.

The Oregon Hops and Brewing Archives acquired his papers in 2015, and I feel incredibly lucky to have had the opportunity to preserve and provide access to materials that document such important moments in this history.

In more recent years, as print publications have folded, blogs, podcasts, and news aggregate sites have dominated Oregon beer news and information. Reporting about the beer industry has changed a lot in the past year, and I am grateful that there are still web sites like New School Beer and Brewpublic, as well as notable journalists and authors like Jeff Alworth, Denny Conn, and John Abernathy reporting on local issues.

Electronic, paper, oral histories? I’m interested in collecting all the things that document the industry. In the last year we’ve added collections from the Oregon Brewers Guild, Widmer Brothers Brewing, the Pink Boots Society and Barleys Angels.

We have Fred Eckhardt’s papers, as well as Denny Conns and a collection of research materials from Pete Dunlop. Other collections include Master Brewers of America District Northwest Chapter Records, the Oregon Hop Growers Association, and scanned collections from both Fred Bowman and Art Larrance.

Find a list of all collections and oral histories on the OHBA guide.

#oregon beer history #beer history #oregon beer

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cypher2 · 5 years ago

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Andonovski says that the framework for this season was laid out last autumn, as he and owner Bill Predmore attempted to chart the course of how the upcoming season would go.

“Our year started, for (Reign FC majority owner and president) Bill Predmore and myself, last November,” Andonovski said. “We had 11 different lineup predictions that covered things like pre-World Cup, during the World Cup, after the World Cup, with Jess Fishlock coming back from France, without her, with different players coming in and out. We projected 10 or 11 different lineups. Bill was instrumental in all of this. He helped me with the preparation and made a lot of things happen behind the scenes. I had to do a lot on the field to manage all of those players and incorporate them, but I think the most important thing is the preparation before the season even started.”

The roster was bolstered with a mixture of newcomers, like Shea Groom and NAIA standout Bethany Balcer, and returning veterans like captain Lauren Barnes and midfielder Allie Long.

The club itself was in for a big change. After half a decade at Seattle’s Memorial Stadium, the club was informed that the venue was no longer suitable to host NWSL home games. Instead, Reign FC found a new home in Tacoma’s Cheney Stadium. The response to the move was incredible – fans in the South Sound helped Reign FC set new attendance records in 2019, including an increase of 1,389 on average per match from 2018.

Not all of the changes went over as smoothly, however.

The club sent nine players to the World Cup to represent seven different countries. Six more players would suffer season-ending injuries, while others were waylaid by shorter term injuries.

To boot, the club stumbled out of the starting gate, opening the year 0-1-3 after failing to convert a late penalty in its season-opener against Houston and settling for a 1-1 draw against Orlando in its first match in Tacoma.

“Historically, if you look at teams that I’ve managed, I would say with the exception of last season, my teams have started slow and then started picking things up toward the middle of the season,” Andonovski said. “That’s something that I’m going to have to look at myself and see if it’s something I’m doing. Am I giving too many formations or trying to add too much in a short period of time? Maybe it takes a little time for things to click and once they do things go well.”

More players arrived in time for things to start clicking, even as a large chunk of the team departed to chase glory with their national teams at the World Cup in France. Among them was forward Ifeoma Onumonu, signed as a National Team Replacement Player just six days after being waived by the Portland Thorns.

For Onumonu, the spirit of the squad hadn’t dampened, despite the early sluggishness.

“Coming into this club, I was going through my own type of challenges,” Onumonu said. “That did help when I did come and join Reign FC. It was like I’d been through some things and the club had been as well. It helped with the camaraderie. It was an experience where even though the club was going through a hard streak, it was still very positive.”

The hard streak ended quickly. The club recorded its first win of the season against Sky Blue FC on May 18 and went on to win four of its next six matches, rising from seventh in the league table all the way to first following a July 5 road win against rivals Portland Thorns FC. The stretch also saw Onumonu record her first NWSL goal in a win over Utah on June 28, the same day that she was signed to the club’s supplemental roster.

“It was really special,” Onumonu said of her goal. “I had been waiting for a goal for two years now, so it was nice to finally get it. It was an important win as well. On any given day in this league, a team can pull out a win against anyone else. We knew that and we used it to our advantage. I thought we had a lot of doubters, so it felt good to prove them wrong. In that time we were going through quite a bit of injuries, which is always tough. It didn’t stop from there. It felt really good to score and contribute to that success we had during that run.”

The return of Fishlock provided a big boost to the club in the early summer. The midfielder returned from her loan to Olympique Lyon in France and knocked in two game-winners for Reign FC. Fishlock’s immediate impact on the squad led to her being named the NWSL Player of the Month for June before being sidelined with a season-ending ACL tear.

Just when Reign FC looked to be getting on a roll, more obstacles presented themselves.

June gave way to a grueling July. With two road matches against North Carolina and tough home losses to Utah and Chicago, Reign FC endured a 2-4-1 stretch that dropped them into fifth place entering the final six matches of the season.

“The fact that we have two of those teams (from that stretch) in the final says a lot about the quality of the teams that we were facing,” Andonovski said. “Playing North Carolina twice on the road didn’t make it any easier, but we didn’t have a choice, we had to prepare as best as we could. One thing that made it easier was that even when things were not going well, there was nothing negative about it. We used every single game as a learning opportunity to get better, regardless of the result. We kept moving forward, we kept getting better and the results were coming as the season was going by.”

With six games to play, Andonovski challenged his team to push for a playoff spot:

“Going into the last stretch of games, Vlatko said ‘we’ve made mistakes in this portion of the season and now we’re on to the last quarter of the year,’” Onumonu said. “’We’re going to have to win the majority of games to make the playoffs.’ We had a mini-season where everything that happened prior to this last stretch of six matches didn’t matter anymore. It was about winning or getting points and moving on. We erased all that we had done because it was over and it didn’t matter. Our objective was to make the playoffs.”

Reign FC fought its way to a 3-1-2 finish over the final six matches, thanks in large part to an Onumonu equalizer at the death of a 2-2 draw against Washington on September 14. Jodie Taylor also notched a late game-winner against Utah in a September 25 match that had to be pushed back a week due to a waterlogged pitch at Cheney Stadium. With a win over Portland in the final home match of the season on September 29, Reign FC clinched its second consecutive playoff berth under Andonovski.

Despite all the bumps and disruptions that the season’s path had taken, Reign FC was playoff bound once more.

“The struggle and the tough times we went through in the first 18 games helped us prepare for the last six games,” Andonovski said. “We did decide that this was a little mini-season that we felt we had to win or finish well, which I think we accomplished, we were talking about how this mini season has to be a reflection of the whole season. It has to be a true picture of who we are: warriors, fighters who are intense in their goals. That helped us take on those games the way we did.”

Reign FC’s semifinal match against NWSL Shield-winners North Carolina was a game of grit and determination. When the Courage scored a go-ahead goal on a penalty kick in the 88th minute and had dominated possession all match long, Reign FC looked like they would be unable to mount a response.

Onumonu changed that. In the third minute of second-half stoppage time, the forward received a ball from Celia Jiménez Delgado and fired a shot past Stephanie Labbe, forcing extra time.

“I feel like that moment summed up our season,” Onumonu said. “Fight to the end. That’s how I took it. I was really thankful for that goal because I know how much it meant to still have a chance and still be in it. To be able to score in that moment was special. North Carolina is a good team and has been for years, but we’re not going to go down without a fight. The end result wasn’t what we wanted, but this game is hard, it’s tough. Being able to keep us in there for as long as possible was so special.”

Reign FC came up short in extra time, but the club had gone down swinging.

“I’m very proud of the players,” Andonovski said. “Every single one of them. The way they approached the game was tremendous. To be able to go to North Carolina, against that team and an incredible coach in Paul Riley and battle all the way until the last second and tie the game 1-1? It’s incredible. I’m very proud of them. Unfortunately, in the last 30 minutes we didn’t have enough in us to make a miracle happen. We didn’t have enough to be able to match North Carolina and their quality.”

Onumonu’s final strike was emblematic of Reign FC’s spirit, but her path over the course of the season, like so many of her teammates, mirrored the club’s year.

“When I look at it, I would agree that Ifeoma’s season is how our season looked,” Andonovski said. “But it’s also Rosie (White’s) season. It’s Balcer’s season. It’s Celia’s season. Young players came in who were unknown or had in some ways been rejected that wanted to make a name for themselves and prove people wrong. They just needed an opportunity and in the end they did it. It was similar for our club. I don’t want to say that we were an unknown, but people didn’t believe in us. We were rejected to some extent and we just needed a platform and a chance to prove people wrong and in the end we did.”

For Onumonu, that drive and determination were the major lesson from 2019.

“I would say the biggest lesson is to be resilient,” Onumonu said. “I think how I started out my season, where I started with Portland and then everything with Reign FC has been a challenge. You have where you expect to be, then you have to go somewhere else. You switch and all your emotional attachment with a team has to change. Now, you have to fight for your new club. It made me grateful for the club, honestly. I’m very thankful for the club. As a player, it taught me that one person’s opinion of you does not define you and I think that’s something that this season has taught me.”

For Andonovski, the year was proof that no obstacle is insurmountable.

“If there’s one thing that I’ve learned this season, it’s that there is always a way to be successful,” Andonovski said. “If that way doesn’t work, there is always another way.”

#reign fc #seattle reign fc #seattle reign #vlatko andonovski #ifeoma onumonu #nwsl #woso #listen the fact that a handful of our layers could be considered for team mvp #bc they all truly had standout seasons #iffy balcer murphy barnes esp #and bev earning it bc shes a rock as always #anyways im just proud of all of them #celia theresa #all of them have stories #theres so many inspiring good narratives that these players have built on this season #it made me hopeful again

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