#or if she's been friends with Candace for so long she forgets how weird she can be sometimes

[textsofdanville]

Stacy couldn't bear to keep this a secret from Candace but Candace knows well enough to not throw stones at glass houses.

[galaxina-the-pyro]

Here, have some PnF School related HCs!

-Phineas isn’t the best in school, not because he doesn’t know the subjects, but more due to the fact that, as a creative kid out to break boundaries, school simply doesn’t interest him. He’s not the best at following instructions, and will often lose points in assignments for taking creative angles. He excels at math (to the point of correcting his teachers on a few incorrect equations), and his weakest subject is Grammar. He never fails a class, usually passing at a C point average. He does do well on tests, however (to the point where he has been accused of cheating).

-Phineas claims he can understand subjects better when Ferb (and Isabella) explains it to him

-Ferb and Baljeet always get A’s in their assignments, and take their study time seriously (Baljeet most of all; Ferb doesn’t mind getting anything lower than an A, but will feel shame if he feels he could’ve done better, while Baljeet will go into panic mode if he gets anything less than A+).

-In hindsight, Ferb is actually far more intelligent than Baljeet, but prefers to stay in the same grade as his brother; he was even given the option to move up grade levels, but politely refused

-In spite of Isabella eye rolling Baljeet’s fear of failure, she has similar meltdowns when she fails an assignment (to which Baljeet offers zero sympathy; do unto others, baby)

-Baljeet attends Highschool with Candace, Stacy, and the others, though Buford still manages to bully him even at such a radius. He does, however, tutor students in the school his friends go to, so he always sees his friends during after school activities.

-Phineas and Ferb always end up in the same classes every year...except for the school year after the canon series. That marks the first time both of them end up in different classes.

-There are school related patches for the Fireside Girls to earn, and as the episode “Ferb TV” states, being a part of the Fireside Girls gets you extra credit in middle school

-Out of all her friends, Isabella is part of the most extracurricular activities, including but not limited to, Debate Team, Junior Student Government, Mathletes, Glee Club, Drama Club, and of course Soccer

-Isabella is the head editor of the school newspaper, which she names “The Danville Eagle” (not to be confused with “The Fireside Gazette”)

-Isabella is the most prone to daydreaming during class, and often zones out; usually this is due to Phineasland, but her mind tends to drift to other places as well.

-Phineas, on the other hand, always distracts himself with drawing during classes, whether it be blueprints, or doodles in his textbooks - he often has his pencils and pens confiscated

-Buford tends to be the one most likely to interrupt the class for some reason or another; apparently it’s a requirement in The Bully Code, but everyone is certain he does it purely out of boredom

-Django and Jenny are both homeschooled, though Django does end up going to highschool with Phineas and the others

-Jenny only takes one college class before dropping out to continue her hippie/protest lifestyle; ironically, she starts a business that goes very well involving the buying and selling of...well...a certain type of plant, per se

-Buford has the lowest grade point average among his friends, but excels in art-related activities (and contact sports, of course); it’s very possible that he’s smarter than he lets on

-Buford is the only person among Phineas and Ferb’s friends who doesn’t join the school soccer team (this is due to confusing the sport with football)

-Recess time in the Dwampyverse is longer than recess in the real world (they already have longer Summers, so why not?), explaining how Phineas and Ferb can still complete certain Big Ideas during that time; they usually come up with ideas during or before lunchtime

-According to “When Worlds Collide”, Candace isn’t allowed to bust her brothers during the school year, but manages to find a loophole that allows her to attempt to bust them during Weekends (bar that she and her brothers finish their homework beforehand), and School Breaks. Linda often ponders over rewriting the Bust Accord, but is a mother of her word.

-Phineas and Ferb have a teacher who hates their existence, and is literally their antithesis; he sees their creative activities as a form of rebellion, and craves structure and discipline. On the other hand, he’s a total sadist and a crackpot who’d give Denzel Crocker a run for his money. Phineas and Ferb, much like towards their sister’s busting attempts, pay him no mind and probably treat him better than anyone else does.

-Phineas and Ferb are always paired up in school assignments; they’ve never gotten a perfect score on it in spite of how impeccable each project is, due to the assignment involving both participants giving short lectures. As we all know, Phineas always does all the talking, thus deducting points (this was a headcanon stolen from someone else, but I forget who)

-Phineas and Isabella’s favorite subject is music, Ferb’s is history, Baljeet’s is math, and Buford’s favorite subject is theatre (though he’ll always tell you it’s football, even though it’s not an actual subject)

-Ferb and Baljeet are on the A honor roll, Isabella is an AB honor roll (her weakest subject being history, the only subject keeping her from being on the same level as Ferb and Baljeet), Phineas is a C-average, and Buford is an F average (though he always gets just enough passes to make it to the next grade with his friends)

-Out of all the Fireside Girls, Gretchen excels the most in school, while Katie is on the lower end of the spectrum alongside Buford

-Candace always tries to sit next to Jeremy during classes they’re together, but someone always steals her seat before she can

-Candace’s favorite class is music class, like Phineas and Isabella, and is on the AB honor roll; her least favorite subject is home economics, due to always failing assignments while also somehow, someway setting herself on fire

-Candace’s grades are better than Phineas’, but worse than Ferb’s. Out of the three Flynn-Fletcher children Phineas has the hardest time with school

-Doofenshmirtz becomes a school teacher regardless of the Prof. Time/secret agent nonsense; he either becomes one due to community service, as a coverup for being an agent for OWCA, or by complete and total accident due to teleporting Vanessa’s real highschool teacher to another dimension

-He ALSO somehow becomes the defacto school counselor (I think he’d be really good at it, darn it); a lot of the kids seem to vent to him a lot for some reason (he thinks it’s the universe making him pay them back for ranting to Perry for so long [they also like to vent to his daughter, too, isn’t that weird?])

-Either way, Vanessa will always have him as a teacher, much to her dismay; the difference is whether Candace and her friends are ALSO a part of his class or not

-Doofenshmirtz sometimes does fun little experiments with Phineas, Ferb, and their friends, and has even helped them with a few of their projects after school

-Doofenshmirtz still uses his Inators during class, though he claims they are specifically used for GOOD this time around...even though they cause a whole slew of problems

-Due to these Inators, Perry has to involve himself and save everyone without revealing his identity to Candace or his other owners should they and their friends somehow get involved with the chaos (thank the great Platypus Lord for Stacy and her being somehow skilled at covering his beaver-butt)

-At some point, the entire PnF cast unintentionally reenact the events of “The One Thing”; Adyson is the one who steals antique photos specifically because they’re “the one thing you can’t replace”

-Phineas and Isabella have study dates together (Isabella is the only one who calls it a study date, however, though technically Phineas never corrects her, so it’s pretty much a study date, don’t you dare take this away from her, Ginger!)

(I’m probably gonna add more later, but feel free to add some of your own school-themed headcanons~.)

[holidaywishes]

It Had To Be You XLVIII

Chapter Forty Eight: Ruin My Life/Messages From Her

  Summary: It’s been two days since you and Tyler were together and you try to Face Time him but Karen interferes.

  Warning: hmm.. hopefully some fluff?

  Author’s Note: So, this is another relatively short chapter but the next chapter is pretty long and it’s.. a lot. To say the least. I cried when I wrote most of it so it’s quite a ride and an interesting way to go. I hope you enjoy this small reprieve in these last two chapters from the angst to come and the angst that has been. So the title for this one is a choice, depending on how the mood you have while reading the chapter. I love both songs so much but they’re such different vibes and they both fit with the feel of the chapter. Ruin My Life is a bit more upbeat and cute while Messages From Her has that kind of melancholy, angsty feeling that the series has. So, I leave the song and the chapter title up to you for this one -- sort of like a choose your own adventure! I hope you enjoy it either way!

  Song Credit: Ruin My Life -- Zara Larsson/Messages From Her -- Sabrina Claudio

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

  It was Canada Day, which meant it was one day until you would be walking down the aisle to marry the love of your life. You and Tyler had agreed that he would spend the nights in Brampton with his mom and you would take the lake house; so you wouldn’t have to worry about bringing your dress or forgetting anything important. It also meant that you were able to have a big Canada Day party by the lake with some of your friends and family who had come to Ontario for the wedding. But you wanted Tyler there. You missed having him around so you snuck away to FaceTime him; listening to the chiming as you waited for him to answer

  “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Karen said from behind just as Tyler picked up

  “Nothing..”

  “Hello?” Tyler said

  “You’re not supposed to see each other before the wedding!” She said as she made her way over to where you were standing

  “There were no rules against us FaceTiming!”

  “Yeah!” Tyler added, chuckling as he did so

  “Goodbye, Tyler.” Karen said and he shrugged before hanging up

  “Wow. He gave up so quickly” you joked

  “Have you finished your vows?” She asked

  “Yes.”

  “You’re lying”

  “I am not!” you countered, “I finished my vows but I haven’t written his note yet.”

  “Note?”

  “Yeah, Tyler said we should write each other letters and read them before we see each other tomorrow.”

  “Oh that’s cute. I’ve seen those pictures on Pinterest.”

  “Right?! I was surprised he wanted to do it but now I can’t seem to write the note...”

  “Have you started?”

  “I tried,” you sighed, “but I keep getting distracted.”

  “Hmm” she hummed and you cocked your head to the side, furrowing your brows at her response

  “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

  “Nothing. Here,” she said, sitting you down at the table and handing you some paper, “start writing. It’ll flow easily, I’m sure. When you’re done, come out and get some food.” You rolled your eyes at her, huffing as she walked away but you tried to jot some thoughts down; flying through memory after memory of your relationship with Tyler, filling the page with the ones that made you smile and left out the ones that brought tears to your eyes. It was a small thing but it truly made you feel closer to him.

  “I love you” he texted, bringing a smile to your face

  “I love you, too,” you replied, “I just finished my letter to you”

  “Ahh, late with that huh? I thought you’d have that done earlier. I know I did.”

  “You did not!”

  “I did too! As soon as I suggested it, I knew what I wanted to say so I wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget any of it.”

  “Wow. I’m actually shocked”

  “I feel like I should be offended by that...”

  “No! I love that you were able to write it so quickly. I miss you...”

  “I miss you, too. I can’t wait to marry you tomorrow”

  “What are you doing right now?”

  “My mom invited some people over so we’re having a little barbeque with the family and some friends”

  “Okay, I’ll let you get back to it. Tell everyone I say hi. I should probably get back to our little party as well”

  “Will do. See you tomorrow, I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” You went back to the party, grabbing a plate of food and talking to everyone before Lucy put a Canada Day headband on you and forced you to take pictures and you took some shots on your own phone, about a million boomerangs included, and quickly posted them on your Instagram. It wasn’t long before you came across Candace’s story from the party, smiling as you watched Tyler cook steaks on the grill as Jackie and Cassidy danced in the background.

  “Whatcha doin’?” Diana said as she looked over your shoulder

  “Just checkin’ Instagram” you answered and she laughed

  “You’re getting married tomorrow!” she exclaimed

  “I know! It’s crazy right?”

  “It is!” she replied while you continued to scroll through your feed

  “I’m happy though,” you smiled to yourself, “like really happy. I’m a little shocked that he still wants to marry me, especially after that whole ‘postponing the wedding’ thing, but he said he wrote his letter as soon as he thought about it. He said he misses me.”

  “The bar seems real low there, (Y/N)” she shrugged

  “Hey!” you scoffed, “look I know how that sounds but you’d have to see the change that I see. He’s nowhere near who he was when we first met him”

  “I know that,” she admitted, “and I know that he is so excited to marry you. I’m happy you’re happy and so in love.”

  “Yeah,” you smiled to yourself, “I am.” Diana sat back in her chair, smiling at you and how happy you were while your face was still buried in your phone. Something caught your eye in one of Cass’s posts so you went back to check it out but you couldn’t get a proper look at it so you ignored it for now

  “Hey!” Katie said, popping in front of you and taking your phone from you, “you can’t ignore all these people! They’re here for you”

  “I’m sorry,” you laughed, “I just miss him. And I wanna see what he’s up to”

  “He’s at a party. Just like you. Celebrate with us” she pulled you up and gestured for Diana to come to the dock to watch the fireworks. As soon as everyone sat down at the edge of the dock, feet dangling into the water as they sipped their drinks, you got a notification that Tyler was going live, so you opened the link quickly just to see what was happening, walking up to the house to be able to turn the sound on. You watched as Tyler scanned through the backyard surrounded by family and friends, preparing to go out on a boat to get a better vantage point of his fireworks. You listened as Tyler explained how he was getting married tomorrow and how happy he was to have so much support from those closest to him. Your heart was warm as he expressed how much he loved you, mentioning you by name as much as he could. You were about to close the video and head back to your spot on the dock when you heard a voice say something from beside the camera

  “You’re going to be fully off the market...” Kate said and Tyler moved the camera to show her, “how does it feel? Knowing your whole life is going to change?”

  “Honestly?” he questioned and you scrunched your eyebrows in confusion, “it’s the best feeling. Knowing that I’m going to be with the person I love most. It’s amazing.”

  “Well,” she said, smiling directly at Tyler even though it just seemed like it was into the camera, “I guess congratulations are in order!”

  “That’s what the fireworks are for aren’t they?” They both laughed and you finally decided to close the app and lock your phone. It was such a sweet sentiment but the fact that he didn’t tell you that Kate would be there left a weird taste in your mouth. You completely intended to put it out of your mind, because there didn’t seem to be anything going on other than friendly banter, but you found yourself going back to Cassidy’s story to see if Kate had been there all day or if she just showed up for the fireworks; noticing her in the background of one of the stories and you found yourself back at the table where you wrote your letter to Tyler. You scrolled through both Candace and Cassidy’s posts to see what you could see, resting your left elbow on the table and bringing your hand to your head as you continued to look through everything. After a while, you dropped your phone and put it to the side, looking around you to grab another piece of paper and your hand began to write, as if it were possessed, much more quickly than the original letter. When you had finished everything, you placed the pen to the right of the paper and read through the note; unsure of what you intended to do with it but hiding it in the drawer for the time being.

  “Where did you go?” your phone chimed as Diana’s text came through

  “You’re missing the fireworks!” Lucy’s text read

  “You’re not checking in on Tyler again are you?” Katie asked

  “Hey Bride to be! Come to the dock!” Chris sent

  “If you’re breaking the rules, you’re in trouble!” Karen joked

  “Are you okay?” Ethan asked and your head sank low, thinking about a possible answer to reply with, walking back to the dock when you couldn’t think of anything; Lionel running up to you when you came down the hill. He curled up at your feet and you dropped to kneel beside him, smiling at the comfort he gave before you looked at the group watching the fireworks in front of you.

  “There you are!” Lucy called out and you shrugged as you walked over to her, making sure Lionel was with you.

  “Here I am!” you replied, trying to keep a smile on your face so no one would ask where you were. So you wouldn’t have to say what you were thinking. So you wouldn’t have to mention a fear that everyone told you wasn’t real.

[puckinginsane]

Trouble

Since I have no idea when the next chapter of Puppy Love is going to be finished I’ll give you this crappy one shot I wrote to tide us all over. Hope it’s somewhat ok.

---------------------

"I told you not to sleep with him."

Those words echo in my head over and over and over again as I watch him from across the reception hall. His Cheshire cat smile lights up the whole room and even though there was a time that I'd give anything to see that smile, right now all I want to do is smack it off his face.

"Listen, I love my brother but that doesn't mean I think any girl should be interested in him."

"I'm not...how can you tell?"

"The way you look at him. Forget it. You're too good for him. You'll wind up getting hurt."

I should have listened to her. I tried. I really did. But somewhere in between his charm, his sense of humor, and insanely good looks all logic and reason went flying out the window once he looked back at me the way I was looking at him. Lust. That's all it was. That's all it was on his end. 

"This was a mistake." Are not the words you want to hear after having sex with someone, even if maybe those words are true, especially when the words that almost came out of my mouth were going to be "that was amazing." Thank god he spoke first. 

Followed by, "don't tell Candace."

He didn't have to tell me. I'd never admit to one of my best friends that I ignored her advice and slept with her man whore of a brother despite knowing how much of a bad idea it was. Not until it was absolutely necessary. I can't even blame it on alcohol. I was completely sober. He was too. 

I would have taken it with me to my grave if she hadn't planned on having me walk down the aisle with him during her wedding, me being a bridesmaid and him being a groomsman. I was ok with it at first. I could be an adult, suck it up and bear it for a few short minutes. Then I started thinking about it and I knew I couldn't act like the mere thought of his face felt like a dagger in my heart, let alone having to stand next to him, let alone having to touch him. 

"Can you please pair me with someone else? I'm begging you." I hoped that would be enough. I hoped it wouldn't be a big deal and she'd switch us around without asking any questions.

When her eyes narrowed I knew I was in trouble. "Why?"

I sighed. "It'll hurt too much. Do I need to say more?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head disapprovingly. "I told you not to sleep with him."

"You've been avoiding me." The sound of his voice in my ear makes me tense up and sends chills down my spine all at the same time. I hate the way he still makes me feel. 

I don't want to turn around. I don't want to look at him. I want to walk away. It's too bad I never listen to reason. I slowly turn around and face him. Seeing him face to face brings back all the emotions I felt that night. Humiliation, heartbreak, anger, regret. I can feel my heart sink as it all comes flooding back. I'm so angry that he can still make me feel like this. And why does he have to look so good? His perfectly tailored suit, his trimmed beard, that perfect hair. It's torture. When my eyes meet his he smiles and it makes my heart skip a beat. 

Fuck him. I hate him and yet all I can do is imagine what it would be like to take off every article of clothing and have one more magical night with him. "Do you blame me?"

"No. I'm actually surprised you're talking to me at all."

"I can be an adult and be civil. No need to cause a scene at your sister's wedding."

"I wouldn't have."

I want to ask him why he's talking to me but I can't come up with a way that isn't rude, not that he deserves that courtesy at all, I just don't want to start anything right now. I wish he would have just left me alone. "Was there something you wanted?" No. That wasn't it. Oh well. I tried.

"I don't think I ever apologized for what happened between us."

"This isn't the place for that."

"It's not like I'd see you anywhere else. Like I said, you've been avoiding me."

"No need to go on about it." It's not like he hasn't done it to countless girls before me and certainly will to countless girls after me. I'm not even sure I believe he's sincere. I'm positive Candace put him up to it. 

"I don't think you get it."

I now fully regret not walking away from him when I had the chance. I cross my arms over my chest. "Don't get what?"

"I'm apologizing and I don't normally apologize. But I mean what I said. I am sorry. You're not some random girl. You're one of my sister's best friends. You mean something to my family."

"I can't do this right now."

"Hear me out."

"Tyler, please..."

"I fucked up. I thought...I don't know what I thought. I don't know what I was thinking."

"You're not making this any better, you know. Please stop talking and leave me alone."

"I never wanted to hurt you."

"Well, you did. Deal with it. You don't owe me anything. I made the mistake too, not just you. I just want to move on and pretend it never happened. I don't believe for a second that you feel bad. This is what you do."

"Ouch. Harsh, but true. Partially. I do feel bad. I care about you."

I scoff. "That's laughable."

"I said it was a mistake because I was afraid of all of this. I knew I'd fuck up and hurt you and things would be weird and you'd hate me and that's the last thing I wanted."

"You could have kept your mouth shut and let me keep my dignity. It's not like I was under the impression that we were going to start dating afterwards."

"When have I ever been able to keep my mouth shut?"

I smile. I can't help myself. I'm so pissed that I'm smiling. He's right. He's an idiot that can't keep his mouth shut. "Just this once you could have...for me."

"Got you smiling."

I roll my eyes. "Because you’re an insufferable idiot."

"Insufferable cute idiot." 

I sigh. I can feel my defenses cracking. This is not good. Why am I so weak around him? "Someone lied to you." I can't help smiling at my own jab at him. 

He laughs. It's one of my favorite laughs because it's not even a laugh. It's a childish giggle and it's extremely adorable. This is how he gets away with the things he gets away with. I'm just another sucker falling for his charm. "I'll let you have that one."

"Are we done here?" I have to get away from him before he turns me into a pile of mush. I can't let that happen. Not again. He doesn't answer me. All he does is continue to stand there and look into my eyes, into my soul. He looks apologetic and a little sad. I look down and away. I can't get caught up in whatever is happening here. "Are we?" I ask again, this time in a soft whisper.

Again, there's no answer. I don't know if he's mad that I'm being so cold or in shock or something else. All I know is that I can't let myself look at him any longer. I feel his hand on my shoulder and I sigh. He squeezes it a few times before pulling me towards him until I'm up against his body. He wraps his arms around me and holds me in a warm embrace. He rests his chin on my head. I don't know how long we stand motionless but it feels like an eternity. 

He finally moves as he holds my hands and wraps my arms around his back so that I am hugging him as well. "Please forgive me," he says in my ear, his voice is low and soothing. 

"Why does it matter?"

"Because you matter. You're the only one that does."

"Don't say that."

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

"There are other things you've said that contradicts that, so which is it?" He hasn't let go of me. My face is still buried in his chest, his arms are still wrapped around me and for some reason mine are still wrapped around him.

He kisses me. It's different from the last time we kissed. This kiss has meaning, something that was lacking last time. It's full of passion, but not desperate. It's as if he wants to savor it. Savor every movement of our lips, every taste. It doesn't last too long, it doesn't have to, everything I need to know is in that kiss.

"Why did you do that?" I ask, in shock. It's the first thing to come to mind and I just blurted it out like an idiot.

"Because my big mouth always gets me in trouble." He pauses to smile at his callback. "You could tell I meant it, right? I put everything I have into it."

"Yeah."

He smiles. "I was kinda expecting you to slap me."

"Not at Candace's wedding."

"Oh, but otherwise?"

"Maybe."

"Let me make it up to you."

“I don’t know that I can trust you.”

He looks deeply into my eyes and doesn't break eye contact with me. I want to look away, but I can't. I'm drawn to him. How anyone can look intense and sweet at the same time I will never know, but he pulls it off and I doubt he's even trying. His eyes crinkle when he smiles and I can't stop myself from smiling back. Gone is the voice in my head telling me that he's bad news. It's drowned out by the words kiss him over and over and over again. It won't stop until I do so I give in and listen. I don't think he's expecting it since he doesn't kiss me back at first, assumably stunned, but when he does it's unlike anything I've felt before.

We slowly break from the kiss and he smiles. "So you forgive me?"

"I'll let you make it up to me and we will see from there."

"I'll take it." He hugs me and holds me close. "Best mistake I've ever made."

"God, just shut up and kiss me before you ruin it."

He laughs before leaning in to kiss me.

"Oh hell no!" We hear Candace yell, which makes us both smile in the kiss but doesn't stop us. I'm hoping it's not a mistake this time. I hope this will be the start of something special. You never know with him, though, but I'm willing to take a chance.

[ask-whitebag]

Patience

My friend @noddytheornithopod asked me to make that Ferbnessa post I was thinking of making. I actually think Ferbnessa is a well crafted and healthy slow burn and deserves at least some recognition. Here we go...

The word I would use to describe these two and their relationship is: patience.

It starts off with a crush. Ferb sees Vanessa and completely loses his mind because of how beautiful she is. And then she says "Hey, how's it goin'?" and wow, what a voice she has. He SO can't stop thinking about her, he can't focus on anything else. He is weak. Their first meeting is memorable for Ferb. He doesn't see her for many, many days, he doesn't even know her name but he never forgets her face.

The next time he sees her, he's in a spaceship. What a great opportunity to impress her! And she recognizes him and she does seem impressed. And now she starts wondering, who IS this kid?

Days pass, though not as many this time. And they see each other again and by gods, she looks perfect on that scooter, his jaw literally drops. And it's not long until he sees her again in the same store he's in. She's in danger and she doesn't realize it - Ferb doesn't think twice, he pushes her out of the aisle, saving her from the speeding shopping cart. But the device she was holding is now broken. Vanessa thanks him for the help and runs off. Ferb doesn't want to leave things like this - maybe he feels guilty about destroying the device or maybe he just wants to spend some time with her - he decides to help her further.

And what an action sequence that is.

Then Vanessa asks if 'Ferb' is his real name. He replies that it's actually short for something, and he is about to tell her his real name, but he is cut off when he finds what Vanessa was looking for. She thanks him and runs off, once again. But then... he hears her, calling out his name. She's in danger, life-threatening danger this time. And Ferb doesn't even hesitate, he swings to her rescue and saves her life.

Someone calls her out by her name. So her name's Vanessa... This time, before she leaves, she thanks him for all the help and gives him a kiss on the cheek... Ferb stares at her dreamily as she walks away, again. He lets her go. She doesn't owe him anything. She is free.

But Vanessa thinks about that day for a long time. This kid saved her, she owes her life to him, right? And his name... what is it short for? The questions keep her up all night. She wants to know, she needs to know.

Days pass. Ferb and his friends travel around the world. And how it usually happens in this show, the perfect thing falls from the sky - the aircraft passes and catches Vanessa before she hits the ground. She makes the eye contact with Ferb. He just saved her life again. Ferb opens the canopy and lets her inside. She wants to go with them.

Vanessa feels awkward about asking Ferb what his real name is. She asks Candace instead but... she doesn't know. Vanessa decides to wait then, for the right moment to ask him.

She travels with him around the world. It's amazing.

They're in Paris now. Ferb's brother asks them to go to the Eiffel Tower and get a reading on the trade winds. Vanessa steals a scooter just for them, to get there faster. Ferb doesn't seem to mind. He gets on and they ride through the City of Love. Then, atop the Eiffel Tower, Vanessa talks about how frustrating her dad is. "Well, sometimes if you love somebody, you have to meet them halfway" Ferb suggests, as he realizes how much he fell in love with this girl. He heads off to a flower shop on the tower to buy her a rose.  While he is away, Vanessa's dad arrives to pick her up. She decides to listen to what Ferb told her and gives her father a chance and she goes with him. Ferb returns with the rose, ready to confess his love to Vanessa. But she's nowhere to be found. He sees her flying off with someone else. "Bye, Ferb! Thanks for everything!" he hears. He stands there all alone for a while, rose in his hand and everything. He then returns to his friends. "Where's Vanessa? " his brother asks. "She went off with someone else." Ferb answers. His face doesn't show any emotion. But he sounds sad.

Days pass. Then more days. He doesn't see her in weeks. Feels like months. Maybe it is months - time seems to work weird around here. Ferb is sure that she has a boyfriend now and if he doesn't see her around, then maybe that's because he's not supposed to. Maybe that was all there was. He doesn't share his thoughts with anyone. Life goes on, without her. And wherever she is, she's happy. So it's all okay. Right?

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, she calls him. She actually gets in touch with him. She needs a favor. Ferb can't believe it, why of course, he'll do anything! Turns out, she throws "the bigger Halloween bash ever". She got the permission from her dad to use his castle and she thought about Ferb and his brother - the best party planners in town. It's suppose to be a big night for her since her boyfriend was coming and everything. Sure, Ferb tells her, I'll be there. And he keeps his word. He's a DJ at this party. And he sees Vanessa with another boy, and they're both happy, she is happy with him. Ferb takes off his DJ hat and his black turtleneck to reveal a dapper singer outfit, puts on a fake mustache and replaces his microphone with a 1940s style version. And then... he sings for them. But the lyrics don't quite describe her and that other boy...

"I find that I am haunted by you And you are haunted by me, too."

Though he feels like that second line is more like a wishful thinking at this point.

A next few days pass, and it's summer again. It's like some time travellers are messing up the timeline or something. But there's no time to think about it, the situation is serious. It's the pharmacists! And if one touches you, you turn into a pharmacist too, and you act like a mindless zombie! Ferb only wishes Vanessa is okay. And then they run into each other and she says his name in a happy manner. His heart beats faster and not just because of the danger they're both in. Maybe there's still a chance for them... As long as they both survive. And as Vanessa repeats his name, she remembers - she still hasn't asked him about what his full name is. Later, he leaves to fix everything and she stays to get the attention of the zombies. It's her turn to save his life.

They both survive and the danger is no more.

Days pass. Ferb supports Vanessa and her boyfriend. If someone asked him if he is okay with it, he would say with all sincerity, why of course. It's not my place to tell Vanessa how to live her life. We were never together. She is happy and it's all that matters.

Ferb is still in love with Vanessa of course, but he is patient, he doesn't want to rush things. Years pass and Vanessa and her boyfriend break up and go their separate ways. Vanessa dates other people but still thinks about Ferb and finally she overcomes the awkwardness and asks the question she was meaning to ask all this time. He chuckles. His name is Ferbs. She feels dumb for not figuring that one out by herself but she accepts it. She then calls him Ferbs and only Ferbs from now on.

More years pass. They both wait for each other. They are best friends. He wonders what college to choose. She belives he will make the right choice. And then one day they just... kiss. And they officially start dating, finally. And they decide to stay together because there is truly no one else they could've been happier with.

Patience pays off.

[insomniac-arrest]

On the Road

genre: music industry, wlw, original

words: 4k

summary: A driver to a girl band falls for one of the girls as the band slowly falls apart and the world of pop and music leers down on top of them

Joey looked out at the quiet night before she started to drum her fingers on the steering wheel and blink at the Oklahoma City lights. They had turned one by one and illuminated the straight lanes and deep potholes of the road.

It was getting late.

She hears faint snoring from behind her and Joey itches to start the engine and pull out.

She exhales slowly through her nose just as she hears the door of the bus bang open with the gale force winds of a 5’1 woman in pink tassels.

“She’s not in the fucking dressing room Rob. Even the ones that weren’t ours.”

Remy Stiltson was small woman with a thick Alabama accent, she had shoulder length wavy brown hair and a wide mouth papers described as ‘frog-like.’ It wasn’t flattering, but they were attached to her underdog story of clawing her way up from destitute poverty.

She still had on the costume for the show that night, pink tassels and denim everything else.

Joey hears a thump as the band’s manager must have jolted back awake from his ‘power nap,’ Joey glances in her mirror and sees Rob McNelson wiping at his shiny forehead.

He snapped to quickly, “Well did you check the dang bathrooms?”

“Of course we checked the bathrooms, listened for puking or plucking and everything,” Remy crosses her arms across her narrow chest, tapping her white-clad cowboy boots on Joey’s bus floor. Glitter gathered shimmered down from her costume and gathered on the floor.

Joey huffs to herself quietly.

McNelson groans, “well make security check the roof.”

“We were asked to leave a little bit ago,” Joey reminds them as she contemplates the Oklahoma cityscape. It was going to be fast ride out of here and bumpy way to the next show.

“We know.” Remy huffs, “and you could get off yer ass and help.” Remy had been more a precise but friendly girl, after 3 years on the road now she was mostly just precise.

Joey shrugs and gets up, “try somewhere dark and small.” She looks between them, “she’s been complaining ‘bout sleep.”

“We all complain about sleep,” Remy snaps, she shook out her thick brown curls and ran out of the bus again.

“Candace, I’m taking away your phone!” Remy threatened with a fierceness of a very determined small dog.

Joey goes to trot after her when McNelson put his hand up, he had sweat beaded on his upper lip and the look of the man constantly afraid of losing what little hair he had left.

“You want a raise?” He asks quickly, Joey takes a moment to nod back.

“Suppose I wouldn’t say no.”

“Watch that Lang girl and I’ll give you something on the side,” McNelson was jumping down the steps, “before Remy loses it.”

Joey followed him off the bus, “Raise, right. I’m going to hold you to that.” She calls after him and reminds herself to bring this up again with more reliable company, perhaps with something to sign. Disappearing Girl Wrangler, JoAnne Larson.

She makes her way across the parking lot and toward the sparkling amphitheater, people were still mulling around like lost souls at a devil’s waiting room, but luckily there are no camera’s flashing. At least, not for her.

She ducks her head into the building and smells the hairspray and smoke from there, she turns to the girl’s dressing room and a long dark hall.

“Candace!” Joey calls formally she reaches the building, “miss Candace Lang!”

Joey was about to pop her head into the star’s room when Remy was escorting a very wobbly stout girl out of the side hall, “she was sleeping under the stage.” Remy says it through her teeth.

Patsy stuck her head out from a changing room and wiped off a sparkle-star from her cheek, “how the heck did you get in there?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Remy was going to blow a blood vessel, Joey warning her about that, but perhaps it wasn’t the time.

Candace gave a smile wide enough room to land the Mars Rover on, “I crawled.”

“Ugh.” She waves at all of them, “Someone wake Spencer up. We had to leave a half-hour ago.”

The turn and wake up a very sleepy freckled-girl before heading back out toward the bus.

Joey trails them as they chatter about the show and how much Candace Lang needed to get herself together. Whiskey didn’t sell tickets like meeting fans did.

Joey rubs her hands together as she gets back behind the wheel, she turns her head back to the girls, “you’ll have four hours to sleep.”

She hears a chorus of griping from behind her but Joey was already starting the engine and watching everyone crawl into their bunks. Joey checks to make sure even miss Lang was following suit.

She pulls out and hits a pothole on her way to the highway, Patsy whines.

———–

A bright blue sky spread in all directions as the narrow, endless road sent sparks up Joey’s fingertips, the radio droned in the background.

“Too many broken hearts in the world today, going out and found him with another burette and braid, too many broken hearts today-”

“Will you turn that shit off.” Candace sounded like she might throw something at her.

“It’s the radio.” Spencer said back with the usual milquetoast look to her.

“It’s literally us,” Patsy contributes brightly.

Candace clicked her tongue, “That’s my point.” The girls were lounging in the back, splayed out against the opposing couches and keeping a tab on people magazine for coverage. They want to win a CMA award.

Candace Lang was an early starlet who rose to fame on one of those singing competition shows when she was just 9. She spent a couple rocky years falling in and out of the spotlight and ended up signing on with the Count Country girls three years ago. The girl’s were said to be friend’s before the convergence, but Joey was never sure.

Ms. Lang often reminded Joey of a morose mare that wanted to kick most stranger’s in the face, she had an extraordinary amount of long dark hair and a stout farmer's build. The camera’s were constantly trying to play that down- Joey swore she would run over someone if she had to hear another conversation about Candace’s ‘conspicuously wide shoulders.’

She had the face you might expect from a star and dark blue eyes that they tried to play up with enough mascara to color a country.

“I’m bored.” She was also easily bored.

“We know Candy.” Remy said bluntly.

Patsy Williams hums back at them, “I’ve got one.” Patricia Williams was a cheery sun that exuded a type of easiness. She had a round face and the type of mouth that suggested she was either constantly surprised or delighted. Patsy was said to be half Shoshone on her mother’s side, but she didn’t talk about it much, her mother was at all of the shows though.

Patsy had lightly colored brown hair that she kept tied back in a rough bun, dark freckles covered most of her face and arms. She was described as very ‘cute,’ but forgetful and absent. She sang the soprano parts.

“What animal would you be if you could be any animal?” Patsy was on the floor on the bus painting her nails, Joey itched to throw the bottle out the window.

Instead, she watches the open nothingness of the Arkansas landscape. There wasn’t a city to stop in out here so she just kept going.

“Monarch butterfly.” Spencer was lying on her stomach and tapping on her phone, or else the weight watchers app McNelson made her download.

Spencer Heinrich was a plain looking girl with dusty blonde hair that they spent a great deal of time trying resurrect from the dead. She was round and soft and often targeted by management to ‘watch her waistline.’ It made Joey sick, but Spencer was witty and able to hold her own, the self-proclaimed defender of Patsy in all regards.

She had a notable love life and the look of someone already tired of fame and ready to join a commune.

“Butterfly, really?” Patsy wrinkled her nose, “They have weird little feet you know.”

“I love the weird little feet, it’s my favorite part, they tickle,” Spencer defends before she turns over in place again.

Candace tossed a ball in the air, “I’d be a skunk.”

“We know you would be Candy,” Remy assures, a shimmering of her old self underneath her edge.

“You smell like one.” Patsy says with a giggle, Candace was also known to sweat. A lot.

“Skunks are left alone.” Joey glances back in the mirror at Candace’s somber tone. “Stylists and managers and random people don’t touch them.”

Her eyes were downcast and Joey frowns, Candace’s head snaps back up when she must feel Joey looking at her, their gazes meet in the mirror.

The other girl’s poke her, ignoring her usual gloomy mood.

“Oh come on, we all know you love touching Candy,” Patsy says with a wink, they laugh.

“A country music skunk.” Spencer looked up as she smiled. “We could put it in a cowboy hat.”

“I’d pay to see that.”

“What would you be JoAnne?” The other girl’s pause as Candace calls up to the very front of the bus. To her.

Joey raised her eyebrows and scratched the top of her head, “I’d be a bus.”

“That’s not an animal!” Patsy looked caught between pouting at her and glee.

“I’d be an animal bus,” Joey says plainly with a small grin.

“Oh oh,” Spencer was sitting up, “like from that thing, that movie.”

“What movie?” Remy asks with her usual sternness.

“You know, the cartoon one. You remember our Japan tour, they were all over the place! Remember?”

“Ignore them Joe, they’re just distracting themselves.” Remy says to her with a sigh.

Patsy was squinting up at the ceiling like it might talk to her, “Totuto, Toronto, Taturo?”

“Torat? Tata’s,” Spencer laughs.

They fight over the name of the ‘cat-bus movie’ and Joey glance back to see Candace pull back into herself. It was like watching a cocoon being built, her legs first and then her arms and finally her head, all drawn in.

Joey wants to go back and pull a quarter out of her ear or anything to distract her from whatever that girl was thinking.

“Totoro! Shit, told you, I was so close. This thing is adorable.” Spencer waved her phone in the air.

Joey keeps driving as the dry yellow grass turns into dry orange trees and the radio plays dully about heartbreak and trucks.

——

“I told you not to let this happen again, what the fuck.” Remy looked ready to lose all of her hair and some of her teeth.

“I’m right there with you,” McNelson was rubbing his palms on the sweatpants of his blue tracksuit.

“What exactly did she say again?” Spencer was pinching the bridge of her nose, her round cheeks looking dull and sunken as the hotel loomed over them.

“You. Were. There.” She could see smoke coming out of Remy’s ears.

“I don’t remember! All these interviews blur together, I wasn’t paying that much attention.”

Patsy shook her head, “she was just speaking her thoughts.” She stuck her bottom lip out, “I don’t think we should have scared her away like that. It hurt her feelings.”

“She called half of all country stars hacks!”

“Will someone just find her,” McNelson pointedly glances at Joey as she leans on the side of her bus. She wonders if he’ll actually pay her or if this was one of those ‘you deal with this or you’re fired’ type of thing.

She gives him a little salute, “I’ll be back.”

The girl’s keep arguing and a couple fans line up on the other side of rope. Some of them wore ‘Count Country Girl’ T-shirts and held up US flags made of gemstones.

Joey is happy to just nod at them and enter the building.

She puts her hands in her pockets as she approaches the front desk, “Ma’am,” she says slowly, “you couldn’t happen to tell me which floors have ice machines on ‘em?”

The mousy girl at the front desk looks her over, taking in her drooping blue jeans and plain t-shirt, “One moment.”

Joey left for the third floor with a her brow furrowed. The hotel had muted green floral designs and yellow wallpaper that sort of made her want to stab herself with the nearest sharpened corn cob.

She wonders the floor back and forth among the terrible decor until sure enough she sees a figure bent over an ice bucket with a large hoodie over their head.

Joey takes a deep breath and strides over, “they’re looking for you.” The head jerked up as she held a bulky wet cloth to her forehead. Joey nods at her, “They’re worried.”

Candace Lang scowled up at her through her dark sunglasses, “how’d you find me?”

Joey walked over so she could stand next to her, “I remember you took that tumble on stage last night.”

Candace crunched the ice further to her head, “Don’t remind me. Jesus himself must have smacked me for my sins.” She grumbles, “Didn’t even trip on nothing.”

Joey leans on the wall, “well, we can bring the ice on the bus. New Orleans is next, I hear they have quite the nightlife.” She offers a little stiltedly.

“I can’t do nightlife,” Candace bows her head, “can’t be seen with beer or boys or people that look like ‘em.” She glances up at Joey and she just lifts her eyebrows.

“I’m sure once those CMA’s are over things will...” Joey searches the air, “look, I’m not very good at this cajoling thing, can I just ask nicely? I’ll sneak you a beer sometime.”

Candace laughs to herself, her hood falling off a little bit, “that’s not what they usually say.”

Joey shook her head, “They pay me to drive the bus.” She sticks her hand down, “and they pay you to sing. It’s just like that.”

Candace stares her hand for a long moment, “wanna switch places?”

Joey grins, “you’d have to be a pretty good salesperson to get me in.”

Candace takes her hand and Joey helps her to her feet, “I’ll get started then.” Candace pushes her long hair over her shoulder and looks Joey over, “After that beer you owe me.”

Joey’s heart stutters like a car engine in reverse for a moment and she has to look away.

She clears her throat to keep herself in line, “come on now.”

They make their way back down to the bus and away from midwestern home decor section of a tacky target.

——

Candace started to spend her time sitting in the the passenger’s seat of the bus, it bemused Joey a little bit as she showed up to do nothing more than sit.

The other woman didn’t say anything at first, just lay her forehead on the window glass and blinked out into nothing. They had started to enter the wooded parts of Tennessee so there was nothing wrong with a sight of the sloping Appalachians and sturdy gasping trees.

The roads here were more nonsensical here, sliding back and forth on a whim. Joey liked to think about how they just hadn’t figured out straight lines yet, paths were made wherever the bend was and they eventually built a road on top, things were like that sometimes.

Joey eases into the silence as the radio plays lowly in the background, something about Jesus, and a lot of things about Jesus.

Joey jumps when she hears humming coming from the seat next to her, loud and low, Joey forgot she wasn’t alone. She glances over to see Candace curled up in her seat like a cat, humming. Something deep and rumbling from her chest.

It goes on for a long moment, ebbing and flowing with the rising mountains until her voice was soft and reminiscent of a funeral march.

“What’s that?” Joey finally asks, a little enchanted by the somber tune.

“Old song,” Candace says simply, she blinks a couple times, “thought you might like it.”

Joey raised her eyebrows, “me?” She can’t help let out a surprised laugh. “Didn’t know that was for me.”

“Well don’t you get bored up here?” Candace murmured, “I watch you up here all day and can’t even imagine…”

Joey laughs again, “I promise I don’t need cheering up.” She throws the music star a look, “I like it up here.”

Candace shrugs and wraps herself more tightly in her white sequined shawl, “the girl’s say you went to prison.” She points at the dark tattoo around Joey’s pale collarbone, “Spencer’s thinks you were the getaway driver.”

Joey shook her head, “you girls get a lot of funny ideas back there. I can hear your fights about best macaroni shapes you know.”

Candace grins, “obviously it’s bowtie.”

“Obviously.”

Candace reaches over the edge of her seat and Joey sees it in slow motion, “so you’re not a convict?”

“Not that I know of,” Joey pulls her shirt down to show her the rest of the tattoo, “I got this on a drunken bet when I turned 18. It’s nothing special.”

Candace looked away abruptly, Joey tilts her head, maybe she was bored. The other woman was easily bored.

Candace eventually turns back to her, not looking her in the face, “How old are you now?”

“22.”

Candace grinned, “one year older than me. Dang.” She snaps her fingers, “that trading places thing seems more realistic now.”

Joey sniffs, “I don’t think they’d exactly have a ‘role’ for me.”

“No way,”

Joey clicked her tongue, “aren’t you all...assigned things? I’m not sure I’d fit.”

“Tomboy!” Candace cheers and her fingers almost touch the tips of Joey’s short hair. “The cute one, the goofy one, the cool chick one.” She taps her cheek, “and the tomboy.”

Joey wrinkles her nose, “I’m not sure what fanbase that would cover.”

Candace sticks her tongue out, “I’m the fanbase!” Joey bites the inside of her lip, Candace looks away again and traces the outlines of trees on the grass, “besides,” she sighs and puts her feet up on the dash, “it’s better than ‘The Mess’.”

An old People magazines float around the floor of the bus, a bright red article about Candace Lang being a seductress with a drinking problem is front and center.

“Miss Lang,” she says slowly, “You’re the starlet one.”

“I know,” Candace balls up her fist and juts her jaw out, “the ‘supernova’.”

Joey has vague notion of what she means but just hums back, “well, you could always go into the pasta judging business.” Candace flashes her an amused smile and then turn back to their separate windows.

——–

“Okay, breathe everyone.” Remy was yelling with her skirt tucked up into her shirt as she tore at her gloves. “It’s the day.” She says it like an old fisherman waiting for a storm to come in.

“It’s the day!” Patsy cheered in response with a bounce and much less ‘the world is ending’ tone.

“I’m going crack out the chili cheese fries and pizza when we win.” Spencer was tapping on her phone, “and tell my boyfriend to come the heck down.”

“Ooh,” Patsy wiggled her fingers, “I see.”

Spencer bounced her eyebrows up and down back. “You see.”

“Does everyone have their part of the speech?” Remy looked ready to clutch a pair of pearls she wasn’t wearing, “does every know the set tonight?”

“We’re only doing one song.” Candace said flatly as they pulled up to the back of the Nissan Stadium.

“Our whole tour has been leading up to this!” Remy was mopping up her underarms with tissues. “Three hours to go.”

Candace groaned as Joey watched her toss her hair back, “who are we competing with again?”

“Everyone!” Remy’s voice was high-pitched and strained.

“Come on Rem,” Spencer patted her shoulder. “We’re bound to win. They can only nominate someone so much before it has to happen!

“That is not how it works.”

Spencer ignores her, “Plus, I think Heartbreak Hill is our best album yet.”

 “I believe in us!” Patsy was dancing around in her large shirt and underwear.

“I need a drink.” Candace smeared her lipstick as she leaned on her hand.

“No drinks for you,” Remy put her arms in the air as she grabbed Candace, “this is everything we’ve worked up to, everything we’ve strived to reach.”

The girl’s finish putting on some presentable clothes before trooping out of the bus and into the provided dressing rooms. Joey just leans her head back on the headrest and sighs.

She could go see the full show herself or stay here, but McNelson had promised her the ticket would come out of her paycheck. And it wasn’t a cheap ticket.

She had also been driving them around for a couple nights straight now and could feel the relief of being alone washing over her system. She’s almost ready to drift off when she hears a buzz from her pocket.

Mama: get me an autograph from Carrie Underwood!

Me: not sure I’m going, I went last year anyhow

Mama: :(( this could be your last chance :(

Me: eh, maybe

Mama: I read those Count Country Girls are breaking up

Joey puts her phone down and doesn’t respond.

Joey doesn’t smoke, she scrounges up McNelson’s camels and goes out for a smoke anyway. It’s warm, but not in the ‘boil you in your skin’ way. She stands outside her bus for a long hour, staring up at the starless dark night and letting the noises and sounds wash over her.

The acrid burn of the smoke fill her lungs and she revels in the slow release as the wispy puff floats off into the thick air.

“Joey!” She jerks her head up to see a figure waving at her. Candace Lang was now in her white cowboy boots and denim short-shorts, “wish us luck.” She winks, her stage persona shining through.

Joey felt like cold water was being poured over her head, she decides to stalk over just as Candace was standing outside the production area.

“You don’t need luck from me,” she wiggles her eyebrows, “I have faith.”

Candace leans back, “Why’s that?”

Joey just lifts her chin, “Hmm,” she looks both ways, “just between you and me,” she winks back, “I think you’re the bowtie macaroni of singing groups.”

“Pfft,” Candace snorts and pushes her on the shoulder, “dork.”

Her hand is still on her shoulder when Candace looks up again, her bright smile fades a little around the edges and their eyes meet. It’s dark for a moment, like it’s just the two of them.

She watches Candace gulp as she glances at her mouth, as she stands far too close, as she holds her breath.

“Candy!” A showrunner yells, “Candace Lang!”

She watched Candace take her hand back like it had been electrocuted, “see you later.”

She waves and feels her skin tingle all over, “Don’t be a stranger.”

She watches her disappear through the door and Joey wonders how Candace Lang’s nails would feel digging into her back, she blushes and turns around back toward her bus. She forces her thoughts elsewhere.

She walks back to the bus and thinks about Nashville roads.

———

Joey was having a nonsense dream about boathouses and an ocean that kept receding whenever she approached when she was drawn back awake by the sound of muffled whimpering. A soft wet noise in the dark.

Joey blinks her crusted eyes open a couple time and checks her phone, 10:21. The awards show would be over. She’s tempted to see who won but turns around in her seat instead.

The lights were turned off on a lone figure hunching over as she sat on the edge of the couch, her shoulders shaking. Long hair clung to her face and her whole posture spoke of wars lost and weights carried.

Candace rubs at her cheeks and Joey got a glance at the fat tears running off the tip of her nose.

She still had on her light blue brazier and a matching tutu-like skirt with a thick blue belt. Her extensions were tossed across the couch like dead pelts.

Joey gets up and edges toward Candace as quietly as possible, as if she was trying not to wake the dead or sneak into church.

Joey reaches into her back pocket and takes out a red handkerchief, she pushes it toward her as an offering when she approaches. Candace eventually looks up, like she wasn’t surprised to see her, her gaze is distant and empty as she just stares right up.

“Hard night?” She asks slowly.

“I think our name is stupid,” Candace says slowly, “I should have changed in when I signed the contract. Right under how many hours I have to work.” “It’s a fine enough name,” Joey reassures. “Alliteration.”

Candace sniffs and scrunches her face up, “what were you saying the other day about not ‘conoling’ me?”

“Cajoling.” Joey sits down next to her and tries to pass her the handkerchief again. “And this seems like a good a time as any.”

Their eyes meet and Candace’s black eyeliner drips down her cheeks, “No. You don’t have to say anything.”

Joey frowned, “I haven’t seen the results, but if this because you-”

“We won.” Candace was shaking again, her eyes welling up as she hid her face in the red handkerchief. “It’s over.” She let out a long sob, “And I’m not even happy.”

Joey tried to put an arm around her shoulder. “Sshh,” she rocked her back and forth, “You did good.”

Candace grasped Joey’s wrist and squeezed her eyes shut, “I don’t want to do good.” She leaned into her, “I don’t want to be anything like good.”

“What do you want then?” She whispers softly into her hair.

Candace goes still in her arms and Joey feels her slowly pull back, her blue eyes iridescent against her drained face, “I want to not go out there and be photographed with that ‘New Johnny Cash’ boy.”

Joey nods and pets her hair, “you don’t have to.”

“I want to never go get drinks with the next potential film producer.”

“You can do what you want.”

Candace’s eyes twitch, her hands fold up around Joey’s and holds her tight, “you’d make such a better me than me.” She giggles sharply. “You’re so calm.” She grabs her arm, “Sturdy.”

Joey shook her head, “I’m afraid I don’t have the pipes for it.”

“Well you can have mine,” she bares her throat to her and Joey’s face heats up just a little. Her lips were parted and head bowed beneath hers.

Joey wets her lips, “And what would you do if you were me?”

“Well, what do you want?” Candace asks back and the air is thick and clinging to her.

She studies her face before stroking her cheek, “To keep driving your bus.”

Candace’s eyes flash up and her body presses forward slowly, achingly slow. “Than that’s what we’ll do.” She softly falls forward and Joey catches her in a bright kiss.

Heady, sweet feeling, like wine and pressed flowers.

It’s wet, tasting like salt and lip balm, Joey can almost smell the alka seltzer spritz and smoke bombs on her. She wraps her arms around her waist and draws the singer closer until she’s almost on her lap. Candace makes a faint noise and opens her mouth.

They kiss with a slow surety, wrapping around each other and falling back toward the couch. Candace kisses her like the stars may never come out again.

They part with a wet sound, breathing heavily, Candace threads her fingers through Joey’s hair.

“I think the Count Country Girls are ending,” she whispers and Joey has to blink back to reality, Candace folds onto her chest. “And I think I want different headlines under my name.”

Joey kisses her cheek, “what kind?”

Candace curls up around her, “anything else.” She weaves her hand into hers and looks up, “Though you’re more than welcome to appear in them with me.”

Joey leans down and kisses the top of her hand, “I’d be happy to- after that beer I promised you.”

She nods and they teeter off her bus and into the night.

[nowitsdarkfic]

chapter thirty-six (the other side of town)

December 31, 1988. North Syracuse, New York.

It's freezing outside as Lars and I are heading out of the church: he holds the door open for me so I can blow out the candle and set it down on the chair. I duck out of there first and then he follows me to the frigid black night. I have no idea what time it is, but I know it's mere hours before the New Year.

He follows me out with the sack slung over his shoulder, down the front steps and onto the blackened pavement down below. I'm starting to feel hungry now and I don't feel like walking so fast but I have to. Death is nowhere to be seen, but she is all around us in the scraggly black trees, the damp chill overhanging us, and the dark parking lot before us, lit by only a couple of orange streetlamps on the sidewalk up ahead. I think it might snow again at some point.

“Joey—hey, Joe, wait up!”

I halt right there inside of a parking spot to wait for Lars to play catch up with me.

“Forgive me, I just,” I begin once he's within earshot, “—I just—”

“Yeah. It's a lot to handle at the moment.”

We walk side by side across the black ground towards the street.

“A lot to handle indeed,” I agree with him. “I don't even know where to begin with all of this, to be honest.”

“I feel like I understand everything that's going on, but at the same I don't,” he replies in a single breath.

“Me, too. So many clues, but… it's wondering where and how to piece 'em together is what's stumping me. Like I don't even know what to make of that obit in there, for starters.”

“Janet Snow, it said her name was.”

“Yeah. I always referred to Mrs. Snow as that because she always shows up after the snow comes in. That's gotta be just a coincidence.”

“I can hope that, Joey. Died by ingesting belladonna berries… I didn't even know those plants grew up here.”

“I don't think they do. It's too cold. I also can't get my head around the fact our names were inscribed up on the wall like that.”

“Oh, I'm trippin' balls on that. They looked like neon lights, too. Neon lights that hadn't been lit up as of yet.”

“Exactly!”

We reach the street, which is deserted for the evening. We glance up and down either way of the street for any sign of life. For crying out loud, it's New Year's Eve and this place is deader than a graveyard.

“Quite the quiet area you live in, Joey,” Lars remarks, adjusting the sack over his shoulder. He then gasps. “Oh! Your friend Brick!”

“Oh, SHIT!” My voice echoes over the empty street. I've been so distracted by everything that I was led away by my own best friend. Well, I feel like a jackass now. “But wait a minute. It's clear on the other side of town, though. I also don't know what time it is, either. I don't even know if the buses are running right now, even with Syracuse being the big city of upstate.”

“Well, fuck, man. What do we do?”

I fetch up a sigh and stuff my hands into my pockets. I have nothing in there. And then I remember I gave the pendant to Lars.

“I also don't feel like taking the arrowhead over there, either,” I confess to him. “For all we know, visiting hours could be up.”

“I know. So—what do we do?”

“Let's take a walk. I've been here a few times with cover bands and with the Circle Jerks, too. Let's see if we can find a Denny's around here…”

“You and going to Denny's,” he teases me.

“The guys and I've always liked going there because they're open late. We play long and hard some days and sometimes there isn't much to go about at like twelve o'clock at night. And, y'know, sometimes a guys just wants some French fries and a cup of coffee around then.”

“Oh. Well—that actually makes sense. But which way do we go, though?”

I turn my head to the right to find the street's curving into the darkness. I have to confess that I don't have any idea what street this is but I can probably figure it out if we walk for a bit. This is my wheel house after all. I think I can be forgiven for the subways in the City, but I have to know the way around Syracuse.

This is my area. This is my region. This is my home, damn it. We may have landed in a weird church, but Lars actually took me home. He took me home.

“I vote this way,” I point down the sidewalk. He shakes his head and adjusts the sack over his shoulder.

“I'm following you, mate.”

Indeed, I start down the sidewalk with the heels of my boots clomping once again like horse's hooves. I follow the curvature of the street, past a row of tall evergreen shrubs which are apparently lining a patch of black dirt dotted with some trees, towards a crosswalk. Before we reach there, I take a glimpse up to the black sky to find there are no stars. It's cloudy. And I can feel the rain or the snow is upon us.

Once we're at the corner, I look around to make sure no one's coming. I gaze across the street to find the library with its windows darkened for the night.

“Let's see—if we're at the library, other things have to be nearby.”

We cross the street and reach the other side, and keep walking on past the library.

“I hear cars,” Lars points out.

“I do, too. I forget where the freeway is in relevance to here—but let's see, there's a park over there and Syracuse has its share of parks, let me tell you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Parks to Syracuse are what roundabouts are to Boston.”

He bursts out laughing at that, but I'm dead serious about it! We keep walking along past the veteran's park until we reach a four lane road and I know we're at the highway. I take a look around either way and I spot it right up the block from us.

I hang a right, and Lars and I walk a little bit up towards the little Denny's on the other side of the street from the bank. I can practically taste the fresh coffee as we stride up to the front door. I hold it for him and he steps inside first. Sometimes a guy just wants a cup of coffee at dark thirty.

We make our way to the counter and he sets down the sack on the floor next to the chair. I have a seat myself.

Before the waitress makes her way over to us, I turn my head and spot the woman down at the far end. I nudge Lars.

“Look—” I point out to him. He gazes past me to see her for himself and he gasps.

“Candace!” he calls out to her.

She lifts her head from the newspaper she's reading to see us. Her mouth drops open at the sight of us.

“Oh, hi,” she tells us, slightly taken aback.

“What're—you doing here?” I ask her.

“I had to get out of the City for a day or two,” she replies, folding the paper over. “Hang on, I'm coming down there so we don't have to shout across the counter…”

[holidaywishes]

It Had To Be You XXXIX

Chapter 39: I’m In Love Without You

  Summary: “I never meant to hurt you. Honestly. Everything just kind of happened so quickly and I didn’t.. feel you anymore. Does that make sense?”

  Warning: Melancholia? like not angst but not anger or depression just kinda like.. sorta sad? There’s no actual Tyler in this chapter, just talk of him -- so you’re welcome to skip it if that’s not your cuppa tea but I really hope you don’t! 😊

  Author’s Note: I already had this one in the back of my head when I wrote the last chapter so I figured I’d put it out as soon as I could before I completely forget it. So here you go, it’s a short chapter and it takes place about six months after the last chapter (so like June 2022?) but I’ve been listening to this song like non-stop and it made me think of James and (Y/N). Enjoy!

  Song Credit: I’m In Love Without You -- FINNEAS (the beginning of this song gives me chills every time; give it a listen you won’t be disappointed)

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

  While Tyler was occupied with Hockey, you had been planning the wedding but it was proving to be much more difficult than you thought.

  “I think you need to come back home,” your sister said over the phone, “you know, for support.”

  “This is home. Besides, I can’t leave now. I’ve got Lionel and the season’s over. They need me...” you hesitated, not fully believing the words that came out of your mouth

  “The season’s over and Ty’s going to do what he always does. Train and head out to a warm place with a beach and an ocean and bring along his buddies. He doesn’t need you for that.”

  “Yikes. That’s not really what a girl wants to hear about her fiancé.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that,” she corrected, “I just meant there’s no harm in you popping back to Calgary so your family can help plan your wedding; that you haven’t decided on a date for.” She mumbled the last part under her breath and you called her on it but she just ignored you, “look, if it’s about the dog, bring him. I’d love to meet him!”

  “I don’t know,” you hesitated, “I’d have to put him in cargo and he’s never been on a plane before. He’s still pretty much a puppy you know. Plus, what about Ty’s dogs?”

  “Bring them too?”

  “Luce...”

  “Come on! I haven’t seen my baby sister in ages and now that she’s getting married, I won’t ever see her again.”

  “Hey!” you practically snapped, “that’s not true. Of course you’ll see me.”

  “No I’ll see the two of you. The you that is the ‘us.’ Sometimes, I just need sister time.” You understood where she was coming from and you would be lying if you didn’t agree on some level with what she was saying so you agreed to go back to Calgary after Tyler started BioSteel Camp but you had to admit, you were kind of relieved to know that you would have some people to help plan this wedding with you. When you landed in Calgary, you sent a quick text to Lucy, who came to meet you at the airport.

 “I knew you’d head out here,” she taunted, smiling at you, “you can’t plan a wedding with no family”

  “Sure you can,” you added, “people do it all the time.”

  “Yeah but...” she stammered, “they’re not surrounded by hockey players”

  “I think you’d be surprised how many hockey players are good at the wedding planning stuff. Ty, however, is not one of those. He’s happy to just let me handle it.”

  “See...” she laughed, “you need us!” You sighed before admitting she was right

  “If Ty’s sisters were in Dallas, it wouldn’t be so bad but they’re up in Toronto you know?” you said, “if I’m gonna head up anyway, I may as well just go home.” She nodded in agreement before smiling at you. The two of you headed back to Lucy’s place because she was hoping to surprise Chris and Karen and you were happy to indulge her.

  “I notice there is no dog...” she questioned

  “Ty said he’d be happy to keep all four of them. Said it would help push him to train more or something.”

  “Ahh I see..”

  “Yup.” The two of you laughed; a text came through from Chris

  “Just checkin’ in. You’re never too old for me to do that you know!”

  “Do they know yet?” Lucy said as she glanced at your screen and saw his name.

  “Yes!” you answered, but furrowed your brow, “I think so. I’m pretty sure.. It’s been six months so I’m positive I told them after it happened”

  “How can you not remember?” she laughed

  “A lot was happening,” you smiled, “there was a party and Candace came down so we spent some time together. She made herself a bridesmaid by the way”

  “As long as she didn’t claim Maid of Honour,” she said, narrowing her eyes at you, “I don’t care”

  “Just bridesmaid, which I would’ve made her and Cass anyway,” you added, “but I’m sure I told Chris and Karen.” You thought about it more as Lucy began dialing Chris’ number,

  “Hey Chris!” she greeted, hitting your shoulder to get you to pay attention when she noticed you weren’t looking in her direction, “I’m just wondering if you and Karen could come over and help me organize my office. I’m just a little overwhelmed.” She put him on speaker

  “Why are you organizing your office?” he answered

  “Because I’m bored, I don’t know. Why aren’t you organizing your office?” she snapped back

  “You want our help? I’d check your tone if I were you.” You raised your eyebrows at your sister to get her to calm down and she winced in your direction, knowing you were right

  “I’m sorry. Like I said, I’m overwhelmed” she shrugged and you laughed silently to yourself. Chris agreed, like he always did and like you knew he would, and Lucy said she’d seen him soon before they hung both hung up.

  “You’re lucky he didn’t snap at you”

  “Chris would never!” she joked and you nodded knowing she was probably right

  “Whatever,” you laughed, “I’m going to take a shower before they get here.” It didn’t take long for them to get there and you were rushed to Lucy’s room so she could distract them enough for you to get ready. When you popped your head into Lucy’s office, Karen was the first to see you and her high-pitched scream made you cover your ears sarcastically.

  “What are you doing here?!” she exclaimed

  “Shouldn’t you be in Dallas with your fiancé?” Chris teased

  “HA!” you shouted, turning to Lucy, “I knew I told them!” Everyone laughed for a few seconds before eventually asking why you were really home

  “Everything’s okay right?” Chris said

  “Of course!” you giggled, “I just thought.. maybe.. you’d like to help me plan the wedding a little?”

  “Oh..” Chris hesitated, “that’s a thing for you girls. I’d be no good in that situation.”

  “Hmm...” you hummed, “fine, but please be there when I’m trying on dresses. Your opinion means a lot to me.”

  “You got it, kiddo.” You returned the smile he gave you as Karen and Lucy bombarded you with questions and directed you toward the kitchen table.

xx

  After about two weeks of deciding dates, colours and themes, occasionally checking with Tyler to get his thoughts which proved to be ineffective since all he said seemed to be

  “I trust you.” You could hear him smiling on the other end of the phone but it wasn’t exactly the answer you wanted to hear

  “It’s your wedding too, dummy,” you joked, “I want it you to have some say.”

  “I love you and I trust your judgement. Anything you choose, I’ll love because you chose it. All I need is you.” You smiled but rolled your eyes before hanging up. After that, you kept him up to date on how everything was going but none of the details, except the important ones; you know, like the date. Karen had found a great bridal boutique and called them to make a reservation for later in the week but to be completely honest, you couldn’t picture your wedding dress.

  “I wish we could’ve gone to the one on T.V. The Say Yes to the Dress store.” Karen sighed as she got off the phone

  “I don’t need that. All of those dresses, all those options, would give me way too much anxiety,” you smiled, “besides, I don’t even have a venue picked out to know what kind of dress to look for.”

  “Let your dress pick the venue.” Lucy said, wrapping her arm around you in a side hug

  “I like that,” you returned, “I think I’ll do just that.”

  “Good!” She said victoriously and you laughed.

  “Hey, I gotta go. I’m meeting up with Diana and Ethan downtown for lunch,” you interjected, “apparently they’re in town for a bit.”

  “Ahh what a coincidence!” Karen said

  “Meh, not really.” You replied, shrugging to yourself, “I told them I was heading out here and I wouldn’t be surprised if they booked their tickets after i booked mine.”

  “Me either” Karen and Lucy said at the same time, chuckling afterward. Seeing them acting all dorky together made you happy that you agreed to come home. You never truly realized how much family meant to you until you didn’t have it right around the corner everyday.

xx

  On your way downtown to meet your best friends, you decided to stop at one of your favourite spots in the city, Snap Foto Club, if for no other reason than to people watch. You watched as crowds lined up in front of the various wing backdrops for their perfect Instagram shot; taking a seat on a bench just far enough away to watch all the girlfriends beg their boyfriends to take as many shots as possible of them in the bathtub full of rose petals. 

  “(Y/N))?” you heard a familiar voice call from behind you and you slowly turned your head, “I thought it was you!”

  “James?”

  “How have you been?!”

  “Good, I’m good. How about you?” It was weird to see James after all this time but he still managed to give you comfort

  “I’m good! Wow. (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” He stated, “I never thought I’d see you again. You here alone?”

  “Yeah, I just stopped in to people watch before I met up with Diana and Ethan..” you smiled, “you here alone?”

  “Uhh, yeah,” he said, guiding you to a quieter area, “let’s talk for a bit. I’d love to catch up! Unless you’re in a rush?”

  “No, no. I can chat for a bit.” You replied, following his lead, “you look good, James.”

  “Thank you!” he smiled, “I’m Keto now.” You winced at his response and he laughed, “I know I know,” he shrugged, “I just.. needed a change.”

  “How’s.. Freddy? That was her name right?” you asked sheepishly

  “Good. Good, I assume” he answered and you awkwardly tried to backtrack

  “Oh. Oh god. I’m sorry, I just assumed--” you said, burying your face in your hands, “I just remember you being so.. into her.”

  “Yeah, I was,” he started, “but that was like five years ago. Things change, you know?” You nodded before fidgeting with your engagement ring, clearing your throat

  “Yeah.. they do.” You tried to come up with the words but you weren’t really sure when to say anything or how to say it. ‘Hey ex-boyfriend, I’m engaged. To the guy who you always knew I was in love with but I always tried to play it off like I wasn’t and made you feel paranoid for years... You happy for me?’

  “So how have you been? How’s Tyler?” he blurted out

  “Good. I’m good, he’s good. We’re engaged.” The words came out of your mouth so fast that they actually felt harsh and the silence lingered for only a few seconds before James laughed

  “I heard,” he admitted and you let out a sigh of relief, “congratulations. I’m really happy for you, both of you. I know how much you loved him and how much he loved you. The timing just wasn’t right then. I’m glad it is now.” You were shocked at how well he was taking everything

  “So who is she?” you said, inquisitively, positive that this sudden shift in personality was because he was in love.

  “There’s no girl” he smiled

  “Guy then?” you countered

  “No,” he chuckled, “I’m just making better choices.” You let the words just hang for a second while you thought about what that meant, not really knowing how to proceed.

  “You don’t still love me do you?” was all that came to you and he turned sharply to look at you

  “No.” he stated, “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I still think about you all the time. I’ve had the occasional dream that we were still together. I’ll probably always love you, in some way, but no. I’m not still in love with you.”

  “Good.” you said plainly, ending it with a smile

  “You’re in love without me then?” he continued, but looked straight ahead to avoid your eyes as you answered, “with him?”

  “Yeah. It hasn’t been all fairy tales and rainbows but I feel safe with him.” You replied, biting the inside of your cheek briefly before continuing, “that’s important to me. After everything I’ve been through. I like knowing that he’ll be there for me and that I get to be there for him.” He looked back at you with sorrowful eyes

  “I wish I could’ve been that for you”

  “You were. For a long time. And then you weren’t.” You said, “a lot of that was my fault. My trust issues. I don’t blame you for anything. If anything, I’m grateful for it all. Because our relationship made me understand what love is; how much compromise is actually needed.”

  “You think I’ll ever find a relationship that makes me grateful for all the shit we went through?” he joked

  “Yes. I think you’ll find the perfect person to drive crazy,” you chided, “the perfect person who makes you feel invincible. Who feels like home or Christmas or Chocolate Chip Cookies. Or whatever makes you the happiest you’ve ever been in your life.”

  “I hope you’re right”

  “Just keep doing what you’re doing. Being happy for yourself first is the best thing you can do. Everything else will fall into place when it’s supposed to.”

  “Can I ask a really.. awkward, painful question?” you winced slightly but agreed

  “Go for it”

  “When was the moment you realized it was over between us?” You thought about it for a moment; was it when he forced you to go to the police after your assault? when he cheated on you when you were on another continent? Was it when he offered an open relationship just to see his ‘mistress’?

  “Honestly,” you sighed, picking at your nail beds, “I think I realized it was over when we, both of us, stopped cuddling like we used to.”

  “What do you mean? We always cuddled?”

  “Not really. When we first got together, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and that was typical. But whenever you felt weird about my friendship with Tyler, I felt you pulling away in small ways; like cuddling for a bit and then turning away from me. Initially, I didn’t think anything of it. But when.. what happened happened, I just wanted you to be there. You know? Like I didn’t want sex or to be touched in that way but I wanted to feel like you were still close to me. But you slept in a different room or kept your distance.”

  “You didn’t want me to touch you”

  “I never said I didn’t want you to touch me. I just... It’s hard to explain. There are as many different kinds of touch like there... Pokemon..”

  “Pokemon?”

  “Just go with me. It’s the first thing that came to mind,” you laughed, “There’s the touch that’s more or less meaningless. You know, like a literal touch on the shoulder that you’d get from your parents or gym teacher when they’re proud of you or have to tell you something important -- good or bad. Then there’s the soft touch. The one that you get from the person you love that sparks something in you. Then there’s the steamy touch. The one that leads to other things. Then there’s the sweet touch. The one that calms you down and clears your head. Finally, there’s the touch that you don’t want to feel. The one that you feel before it ever even happens. Before their skin ever meets yours. The one that leaves you feeling like you’ve just been dropped into a sewer and now you’re wondering if you’ll ever stop feeling that touch.” You weren’t sure if he understood what you were saying yet, so you waited until he said something but when he didn’t, you tried to explain, “I didn’t want that ‘steamy’ touch, I wanted the sweet touch. I can’t say for sure that I would’ve accepted it right away because I might have still been too fragile. But you didn’t try. It’s all so contradictory I know. I respect that you wanted to give me my space until I was okay again but I just wanted some way to not feel so awful about myself...”

  “So that’s when you stopped loving me?” You furrowed your brow

  “What? Whoa.. no. That’s a whole other question, and a whole other answer,” you confessed, “I stopped loving you when I left...” You noticed the confusion on his face and you cleared your throat to continue, “I never stopped loving you even when I felt like I lost you, even when you cheated on me and everything else that followed. Even during our last fight when I told you I kissed Tyler and we went back and forth about how it shouldn’t have been him. You remember that fight?”

  “Yeah.. you walked out on me after I said I didn’t want you to go.” You nodded

  “I needed you to realize that you lost. But I realized in that moment that our relationship was always going to be about him in some way. So, I had to say goodbye, but I still loved you. You were the only kind of love I had known for so long and I couldn’t just ignore that but I also couldn’t ignore the fact that when I left, when I walked out that door and cried my way to my sisters place,” you said, straightening your posture, “I felt like a giant weight had been lifted. It still hurt like a bitch but I knew it was right. I never meant to hurt you. Honestly. Everything just kind of happened so quickly and I didn’t.. feel you anymore. Does that make sense?” He nodded, indicating he understood, standing up and gesturing for you to do the same. He pulled you in for a hug and you squeezed him tightly

  “You’ll always be the one that got away” he smiled against your ear

  “You’ll always be the one that taught me what love is.” He walked you out and the two of you parted ways one last time. And it finally felt like you had closure.