#or have enough social spoons to go and actually look for a group

[darlighl]

flops

i miss doing art casually

[greenhappyseed]

Yesterday was a Very Bad Day for the Democratic Party, progressives, and leftists at the U.S. federal level. There’s no sugar-coating that America is, and remains, an extremely conservative country. As a result, the Republicans will control the presidency, the Supreme Court, the Senate, and possibly the House of Representatives (still being determined!) for at least 2 years.

What can we even do? There ARE a few things:

1. Do not panic. It’s highly unlikely that there will be internment camps or prosecution of people who worked in the Biden Administration. However, it IS awful and shocking that the chance is now greater than zero. Take some practical precautions where you can — save some money, take care of your health and get extra meds refills now, look for new jobs, evaluate where you might be able to move, consult lawyers, etc.

2. Seriously consider not oversharing information about yourself both online and IRL. If people don’t need to know your religion, sexuality, etc., then consider if it’s safe to share voluntarily. Like if it preserves your physical safety, it’s okay to be closeted. Make sure you live to fight another day.

3. Lemme say that again: Live to fight another day. If you can’t resist or you’re too burned out to resist, that’s understandable. You are NOT failing if you’re not constantly organizing or writing letters to your elected officials. Take some time and space to take care of yourself. Be with loved ones and minimize time with people who make you feel less than human (or learn how to be okay with compartmentalizing if you can’t escape right-wing family/coworkers). Help others if/when you can.

4. When you have the spoons, focus on your state and local officials. Many states have their legislature, governor, and more elected on different cycles from the federal government. So vote in those! Your state governor, your state medical board, your state Secretary of State, etc can use the power of the state to stop federal overreach. Also look into trade groups and professional associations, which can engage in lobbying and public advocacy. Otherwise, there isn’t much any of us can do at the federal level. We have to let Trump and his cronies break some things, and we can’t spend energy fighting what we just can’t fight.

5. In TWO years, the federal House of Representatives will be up for re-election, as will a chunk of the Senate. The primary process for those elections will begin roughly a year from now. Get involved! Vote! If Dems can take Congress in 2026, they can block a lot of the Trump agenda. (But do expect that he will move fast in the next 18 months. The breathless news announcements will be exhausting so be prepared to ignore or compartmentalize.)

6. Anything Trump wrecks is temporary. Seriously. It might outlast my lifetime, but probably not yours. Even the Supreme Court can be expanded to 11 or 13 or 15 people if there’s enough political force behind it.

7. Going forward, focus on Democratic wins over social progress. The sad reality is that Americans prioritize their own wallet over LGBTQ rights, climate change, DEI, etc. so Democrats MUST make the financial and economic case that their ideas are better (and they will probably choose a white-ish cis straight man to deliver that message). It’s less about ACTUAL plans and more about making people BELIEVE Dems have better plans.

Once in power, Democrats can lowkey push for the social issues. But putting social issues front and center while trying to downplay the economy turned off a large numbers of voters — including many Black men and a landslide majority of the Latino population. Similarly, talking about international issues like Palestine, Ukraine, and Taiwan (as conservative as Kamala is on those issues!) didn’t resonate with half the country. As Bill Clinton’s campaign manager said in 1992, “it’s the economy, stupid.” Most Americans vote selfishly according to their own perceived prosperity…and that’s it, above all else. Contrary to what it says on the Statue of Liberty, we apparently do not care about the tired, the poor, the huddled masses, the wretched, or the homeless if we think we aren’t keeping up with our neighbors.

[justalittlesolarpunk]

hey!! feel free to ignore this but i scrolled through your blog and really liked it and if you have the spoons I'd love to get your advice/tips on trying to live sustainably while in uni/on a limited budget? I'm going to uni in a year or so and I want to try and do it as sustainably as possible but I don't have a lot of money

love your blog <3

Hi! Thanks so much for the kind words, I am super new to tumblr and fairly new to solarpunk still myself, so I really appreciate it.

I’ll level with you: most of the really aspirational choices in sustainability are pretty expensive. Buying local organic food or slow fashion can really eat into a budget. The good news is that a lot of the frugal decisions you’d make are also good for the planet. You’re not going to be going out buying expensive cars, flying in private jets or any of the other earth-wrecking things that the super-rich do. Being conscious about your spending will mean you’ll probably naturally gravitate towards getting your clothes from charity shops and other similar money-saving choices. In some cities and certain supermarkets, plant-based food will be cheaper, while in others it will be more expensive, and so for this you’ll probably need to make choices on a case by case basis, weighing up each time how much you can afford and how committed you are to a certain diet. Getting a library card is also very solarpunk - free, communally owned knowledge! As a uni student you’ll likely also have your university library as a resource, which it’s definitely worth making use of. Have a look to see if there’s a tool library/library of things in your university town, as that will not only save you money but also reduce your purchase of things you might only use once or twice. Apps like TooGoodToGo offer cheap baskets of food from local restaurants, cafes and shops which would otherwise go to waste at the end of the day, and if there’s a ‘buy nothing’ or ‘stuff for free’ Facebook group for your local area it’s worth joining it - these are really exciting anticapitalist digital spaces where people can get what they need and dispose of what they don’t without exploitative or extractive relationships.

Starting a new paragraph here for readability, and also because it’s slightly a topic change - there are things you can do to be more sustainable that are fairly cash-cheap, but time-costly. As a student you won’t always be able to devote much energy to them between your studies and your social life, but if they’re something that’s important to you and your other commitments (or any disabilities you might have) don’t prevent you, then things like mending your own clothes instead of throwing them out and replacing them can help. But these are fiddly tasks so that isn’t possible for everyone, even if they do have time! Depending on the rules of your student accommodation you could also try having certain edible houseplants - salad leaves, strawberries, herbs, etc. My success rate with these has been very patchy but it’s worth a shot and the original outlay for seeds or a small plant isn’t too much (though if you’re planting from scratch, soil can be expensive as it always seems to come in enormous great bags).

Things like batch cooking or planning communal meals with other people you’re living with can also be greener, and cheaper, if it means food can be made to go further and wasted ingredients can be avoided. Uni is a really exciting time for a solarpunk because it’s the closest to cohousing many of us get - sharing facilities and responsibilities in a close-knit community of non-related people with common goals and experiences. Use this to your advantage to form networks of mutual support.

Similar caveat about time scarcity as above, but there are also things that tend not to cost any money that will make you feel better about your own environmental contribution which you can actually do at any age if you have enough free hours. These are things like volunteering with your local conservation volunteers or in a community garden - this latter is particularly good because volunteers might get to take home some of the produce, thereby saving money and getting access to local nutritious food. Some unis even have their own food gardens and teams of students who help tend them, so get involved with this if it exists and you can.

In the same vein, almost every uni will have its own climate justice or environmental student club, and attending these meetings if your schedule allows can be a great way to meet other people within your institution who share your priorities, and who may well have more advice on frugal, sustainable living that they can offer. Pooling wisdom like this means your can all do better.

It sounds like you might have already picked your uni, but if not there are factors you can consider to help you do better in these goals when you get there, like examining the relative cost of living in different cities or investigating how eco-friendly the university is. It’s worth asking questions like what is their endowment invested in? How much research into climate change and solutions do they fund? Are their careers services still promoting fossil fuel industry jobs?

University towns are usually pretty walkable and/or bike-friendly, at least in the UK and Europe, and these modes of transport are also the cheapest and most sustainable. Plenty also have good public transport too, and buses or hireable scooters are all options (though you’d probably have to use the scooters a lot to make the expense worth it, and if you do, please don’t leave them lying in the pavement like people did when I was at uni - it blocked wheelchair access and was really annoying). Certain cities have trams, which are like catnip to solarpunks lol. Transport can get expensive but tends to still be cheaper than driving in most urban centres, though as I said your own two feet or wheels can probably get you to most of where you need to go within the local area.

Your student’s union might well also run clothing swaps or second-hand book sales, so keep an eye on that and go along when you can. There’s also nothing to be ashamed of in collecting discount codes, coupons for free products, or loyalty cards, or with working if you have the time and ability to earn while you study. The more money you save the more of those slightly costlier green decisions you can make.

What I’d say last, though, is don’t be too hard on yourself! You’re young, the world is set up to be excessively expensive and to reward you for consumptive behaviour that is the opposite of ecological values. Of course you should try your best and I’m so glad that you’re thinking of it already, but remember that you probably won’t be able to do it perfectly - that pretty much no-one can unless they have insane amounts of time and money (in which case they’re probably not the kind of person who cares about this stuff). Remember to enjoy your new independence, to hang out with your friends, to be studious and whimsical and learn about life and yourself. And remember that I’m just one person and not all my ideas will apply to you, and there’ll be other things you could do that haven’t occurred to me because of the specific experiences and biases that inform where I come from.

You probably already know which subject you’re studying, and if that’s the case then there will be ways you can examine these issues within the curriculum of most degrees (except maybe maths? But I’m willing to be proved wrong haha). But just in case you’re still picking subjects and institutions, I’ll just leave a link to a really fascinating-looking new undergrad qualification I heard about a few months ago, that I am *gutted* not to have been young enough to apply for and study! Even if it isn’t the right fit for you, perhaps you’ll know someone who it could work for. I’m assuming, possibly wrongly, that you’re in the UK based on certain dialectical cues (for instance saying uni rather than college), but feel free to ignore this if you’re elsewhere in the world, I’m just very stoked about this course!

Thanks so much for your ask, and sorry for the insanely long essay response. If you’ve managed to wade through to the end then seriously congratulations on your patience. Best of luck with your studies and with your efforts at ecological living, and I hope you carry solarpunk with you as a source of hope, comfort and action into your future. ☀️

[uncle-fruity]

There are probably a lot of people who think they've won an argument or "got me" because I don't tend to respond when people try to argue with me online.

I used to be online arguing with people all the time. I still like to post about things that get me fired up, though I'm less likely to go all-in on a conversation unless it really seems like the person I'm talking to is capable of reasonable conversation. (And even then I sometimes forget or don't have time to respond.) I prefer to say my piece on my own terms and if another person chimes in to clown, I'm usually just not having it. I have a couple reasons for this.

It's miserable arguing with people all day. It's a traumatic thing for me, because my family was always arguing and fighting and bullying people around them all the time. I was trying not to be like them, trying not to catch their ire, trying to just be a little guy who liked nature and who read books and who generally stayed out of sight as much as I could when they were in a bad mood. And, of course, sometimes I was forced to fight back or speak up or argue with them even though I did my best not to. I have completely cut that part of my family out of my life. So to then go online and pick fights or trade insults and get myself so angry my heart is racing just feels counterproductive and negating all the hard work I went through to get away from those people. I was a worse person for it, and I have no desire to be that negative force unless it is truly important. Targeted anger is better than constant raging. And I'm sorry, but online interactions are just not where I should be spending my spoons.

I remember where I was emotionally when my worldview radically shifted, and a lot of the people looking to argue are repeating the same unhealthy habits that I once had. Arguing as self harm. Arguing as a way to establish yourself amongst the chaos and horror that is the State of Things These Days, What With All the Oppression and Suffering and Profit Hungry Power Grabs. Arguing to prove to yourself that you're doing something -- even something small -- to rail against the system & the culture of hatred. Arguing because people push your buttons and you feel the need to defend the things and the people that you love. Arguing yourself ragged until you have no energy or joy for anything that actually matters. ... I am not going to be the person who enables that kind of thing for someone else, if I can help it. I know it won't stop them from arguing until they realize it for themselves, but they'll have each other to insult and dehumanize. I don't have to stick around to see how it plays out.

Relatedly, I have more stuff to focus on offline that matter more than arguing my right to exist and define myself. If I use all my spoons getting into the material reality of transgender people existing & being worthy of existing, then I won't have enough energy to organize a queer community art group. I won't have energy to write and work on my comics. I won't have time to make kissy faces at my partner and my cats. I won't have time to try out new recipes to share with my friends. I would be foolish to spend my time countering bullshit in my notifications, because the people who matter most already agree with me on the important things, or at least have good discussions with me when we disagree. I already lost a handful of years to internet/social media based depression & anxiety. I don't want to go back.

It feels dehumanizing. People hurl insults that are barely even related to you based on their own weird stereotypes cooked up on whatever corner of the internet they live on. It can't even get a rise out of me because it's just... not relevant to anything about me. Like "insulting my intelligence for being blonde, except I have black hair" kind of obviously not about me (& not even based in fact to begin with even if I did qualify). What is the point of talking to someone like that? Why validate their thirst to argue when all they have to offer is Fox News levels of misinformation and a vitriolic attitude? Or when people insist you don't understand your experiences as well as they do when you *know* that they only know you as the small square image of a man with a raspberry head against a pink background who represents a stereotype they want to reinforce to prove a half-baked theory they've come up with about how you exist in society. They'll use academic (and pseudo academic) terms and categories to refer to you without ever even learning your name. And then they say they're the ones fighting for justice and who are the morally superior ones. They are fooling themselves, and I think many of them never see other users as anything more than a collection of pixels & a cog in the machine. But we are all complex humans with intricate lives and most of us are just trying to get by in a harsh world. The extent of human experience is vast and probably beyond the scope of understanding & learning for most people. If we are to get along and build a better world, then we have to approach each other with grace and be committed to community and lifting each other up and hearing each other out with a baseline respect. If we want justice for everyone, then we cannot afford to tear each other down. If that's not the goal, then our goals aren't aligned & it's not worth my time to convince randos from the internet. It is much easier to connect with someone and see them as a full person offline. It is better to have important conversations where there are stakes and meaningful connections that have already been established. It is harder to insist on a stereotype when the person you are face to face with clearly defies it. When humanity is established, it's a lot harder to write off the person you're arguing with.

And, finally, the one that maybe is a little paranoid/least grounded in hard evidence or fact or reason, but I think a fair precaution considering The Real Challenges and Horrors of Historical Civil Rights Movements. I learned about COINTELPRO at some point in my 20s. I also grew up at a time when you weren't supposed to tell people who you really were online & so much of your data wasn't connected to every website you joined, so you could pretend to be anyone if you wanted to. I pretended to be a 15-year-old boy named James when I was 12 and role-playing with people. I like that Tumblr doesn't demand as much identifying information because I'm more comfortable that way, though the information I *do* share is true these days. But I guess what I'm saying is that you *can* pretend to be just anyone on Tumblr if you want to. I *know* that there is historical precedence for infiltration of a group of marginalized folks fighting for their rights and sowing discourse and distrust to weaken the movement. So if the only thing a person is bringing to the table is bad faith logicfucked bullshit designed to push our buttons, I'm just going to assume that's a fed. That's someone I do not need to entertain or embrace as a peer. And usually I reason with myself that it's just a real person with a much different and oppositional worldview to mine. But as far as I'm concerned, that's just carelessly helping the feds and I'm not about that life. That's why I tend to block anyone who's really toxic or dismissive & stubbornly misinformed. We don't need that.

And then there are good faith discussions I have from time to time that are actually decent. There are times when I wish I had more energy to properly educate people and gather sources of all the things I've read and learned about. Most of the time, I "abandon" those conversations because I get overwhelmed with tasks & completely forget to respond or follow up. Those are the ones I regret not answering properly, but the point about needing the spoons for things offline still holds. I'm just not a very active user outside of casual reblogs and a comment or two here and there.

Anyway, I guess this isn't about anything or anyone in particular. I was just thinking about it & figured I'd share my mindset with the Tumblr void. And to encourage folks to really consider who you're arguing with and why you're arguing and if the arguing serves the goals you're working towards more than something else you could put that energy into. I'm not saying to never get into it & I assume people's tolerance for it is higher than mine, but I am saying that you should think about when and why you argue. I am definitely saying that it's good to have clear boundaries that you will hold yourself to. This stuff can get toxic and destroy your health something fierce. Be careful out here.

[albatmobile]

Starfire + loneliness (if you're still doing the prompt thing)

I've had this idea in my head the past few nights bear w me

i could be lonely with you (and you)

next: [2] || ao3

𓅪 Rated: E | 3.1k includes: possessiveness, realization, conflicted feelings, loneliness, eventual smut, voyeurism, ovipositor, alien dildo, egg laying, threesome, strapon sex, first times, double dildos, scissoring, oral, fem dom, multiple orgasms

𓅪 established kori x roy, eventual fem!reader x roy harper, eventual fem!reader x kori, eventual fem!reader x kori x roy harper

You’ve been in a depression funk ever since your friends you’d met freshman year stopped reaching out a year after graduation.

At first, the group chat remained populated with once a day, then once a week texts. Weeks turned to months, until it was only you ever reaching out.

Loneliness creeps up on you, slowly at first, then all at once like an all-consuming force. You barely have time to prepare before your normal routine is squandered as your depression settles over every inch of your body.

Eventually, you stop reaching out completely. 

You’d been drifting for a while ever since college ended, but you were left with the daunting question most people face at some point or another. The question being, of course, how do you make friends when you’re older?

First step, you realize with disdain, is getting out of the house. This is how you find yourself at a yoga class in a part of town you’ve never been to.

Have you ever done yoga before?

No.

Do you particularly like being surrounded by fuckers who seem perfectly content to solely talk about what they can and can’t eat on keto?

Also, no.

Yet, here you are with a loaner mat and the cutest gym set you own.

Everyone in the class seems to know someone, but there you are, standing off in the corner like a voyeur. Your arms come to wrap around your stomach self-consciously as your eyes flit across the room filled with perfect-looking women. 

Women who look nothing like you.

You look down at your outfit distastefully, second-guessing, well, everything.

You shouldn’t have come.

You don’t have time to leave, however, because class is being called into session. 

You swallow down your sigh and find a place in the way back. You keep your head down as you make your way across the room, not even taking in a single face as you busy yourself with unrolling the mat. 

You berate yourself as you straighten it out to avoid conversation. What’s the point in coming out to meet people if you’re just going to exclude yourself from the start? 

The instructor goes slow enough, but it doesn’t matter. You don’t know what you’re doing and your social anxiety is rearing its ugly head. 

Soon enough, you’re tumbling from tree pose and straight into the woman next to you in a horrific crash.

“I’m so sorry!” you immediately spew as soon you catch your bearings. You’re staring down at her Tom Nook inspired yoga mat while she semi-spoons you, semi-squashes you from behind. “I totally lost my balance and I-” you trail off as soon as you scramble up with some help from the woman and face… “Holy shit.”

She’s ethereal.

You wipe at your eyes to make sure you’re not actually seeing an angel in front of you. 

The red-headed goddess easily nears seven feet tall. She’s tanned, toned and… really fucking hot, okay?

“Are you okay?” The woman’s effervescent green eyes shock your soul back to life like a defibrillator. Her hand is still on your lower arm from helping you up.

Are you okay?

Your pulse is rapidly beating.

You can feel everyone’s eyes on you, but, surprisingly, that’s not the cause of your racing heart. No, that’s all thanks to this otherworldly beauty on the mat next to you.

“Good,” you mumble, nodding dumbly. The entire time, you’re reveling in the weight of her hand around your arm like a lifeline. “So good.”

She laughs, throws her head back and fucking laughs like she’s a headlining star on The Late Night Show.

She’s perfect.

You know, for a friend… 

Yup, totally just a friend.

The teacher’s gone on to the next position, though some eyes still remain on the two of you. 

“You are adorable!” she exclaims. The redhead woman looks at you like you’re the most precious kitten she’s ever laid eyes upon.

You got out of the house to make a friend and here you are in a position to seal the deal. Hell yeah.

You rub sheepishly at your neck as you build up the courage. “Would you want to ditch this place and grab a coffee?” you ask timidly.

Her eyes widen. “A coffee?”

You nod. “There’s a place down just a block over,” you offer. 

Without further mention, she’s bending down to roll up her mat. You try not to stare at her tits popping out of her sports bra, but bent over like she is, it’s nearly impossible. It seems like she can hardly see what she’s doing with the way they hang obtrusively in her face.

When she suddenly pops back up with a beaming smile, you hardly have enough time to cover up your line of sight. 

Luckily, she doesn’t seem to notice as she grabs your hand, yes, grabs your hand and leads you out of the room as everyone else looks on.

“You are not the yoga fan?” she questions you innocently, ducking her head to look at you as she waits for your response. “Please excuse my, uh,” she pauses, stopping to look at the sky as she ponders the word, “accent.” She nods to herself, leaving her red locks to cascade in her wake. “I am not from here, you see.”

She called you cute and, yet…

“S’cool,” you say, trying to sound nonchalant. Both of you start walking again and you can’t help but glance at her beauty from out of the corner of your eye as you do.

A quick look at your surroundings proves that nearly everyone on the street is in the exact same boat. All around the two of you, people instantly lock onto your yoga buddy. 

No, seriously. 

People all around begin openly gawking at her curves, literally STOPPING and staring, girlfriends hitting their boyfriends for not paying attention to her over them and even the obnoxious cat call from cars passing by.

She’s a bombshell and you feel starstruck in her presence alone.

“I’m Kori, by the way,” she says politely.

“Sounds good,” you mumble, not really hearing her until a few seconds later. “Oh, shit. I mean,”

She laughs, cutting off your rambling, “You are so cute!” The gorgeous woman beams down at you, eyes crinkling like you’ve truly overjoyed her with your awkward behavior.

You choke on your spit.

Definitely cute.

You tell her your name, quickly ducking your head as soon as you do. You hope she doesn’t think you’re some fucking creep like the rest of the people you’re passing by, but you can’t help that her stunning looks are rendering you speechless.

Kori seems completely oblivious to your plight, let alone the rest of the passersby. In fact, based on her ever-present grin, you might actually get the idea that she’s genuinely charmed by you.

Your heart’s racing, though you blame it on the anxiety of actually hanging out with someone for the first time in, well, too long. You really can’t afford to fuck this up because you’ve really been needing a good friend.

The coffee shop is quaint, nearly empty, when the two of you walk in and capture the attention of everyone in the small cafe.

She orders some insane sugary frappuccino drink and insists the two of you get a large to share because it sounds “so good!” 

Who are you to refuse this goddess?

The pink and purple (?) drink is delivered with mounds of whipped cream and pink and teal sugar dust on top.

What the fuck is this shit?

“This drink is as beautiful as you are!” she exclaims as soon as the treat with two bendy straws is deposited on the table.

You choke, but she’s too busy taking a picture of the drink to notice your predicament. 

“It’s, uh,” you trail off as you regard the drink in front of you as if it’s going to attack you. With its obscene neon swirls and indiscernible flavor, you’re not too sure it won’t. “It’s definitely something,” you finally manage.

With two straws, it’s all about timing, you realize. You, however, don’t understand this timing and go in at the same time she does. Instantly, you sputter backward with a hasty apology she doesn’t even seem to hear. What everyone else hears is a pornstar-worthy moan she makes as she takes the first sip.

You stare at her in shock and awe at her pure sexual prowess. 

It’s like she doesn’t even know she’s everyone’s wet dream and, yet everything she does only adds to her ethereal charm.

“It is incredible, no?” she asks, leaving you to nod instantly. You can’t help but revel in the blinding brightness of her smile at your response. “I will need to bring Jason and Roy here!”

Your brow quirks at the new names. “Who’re they?”

“We all share an apartment together,” Kori says. All the while, she twirls her straw around absentmindedly as she answers you, seeming to space out as she does so. “I’ve known them ever since I came here, so about four years or so. It has been,” her mouth quirks sadly, “Challenging getting used to your customs.”

You nod, not really wanting to pry too much. In the short time you’ve known her, seriously short time, this is the saddest you’ve seen her and you’re determined to make her smile again.

“Fitting in is lame, anyway,” you say.

Her face twists beautifully up into her signature model smile. “You are just like my friend Jason,” she confides. “He tells me that all the time, though I still can’t help but worry I’ll misspeak and draw attention to myself.”

You can’t help but shake your head. She’s worried her misspeaking will draw attention to her when her appearance alone is a magnet for it.

You guess everyone’s self-conscious about something, but seeing Kori be vulnerable when she was flawless in your eyes somehow makes you feel a bit better about your situation.

Speaking of situation, you’re picking up some serious flirty vibes. All the compliments, plus he ordered a bisexual frappe and insisted you share it? Now she’s opening up to you… 

Is this a date?

She mentioned Jason being a friend, but what about Roy?

“I don’t think you need to worry about that,” you say with a shrug. “Plus, it seems like you have some good friends to back you up.”

“Oh, yes,” she doesn’t correct you, only nods excitedly, “they are the best. Jason always makes me laugh and Roy is the best friend who is a boy I could have!”

You try to remain neutral at the new information, choosing to remain discreet with your advances just in case you’re reading everything wrong. 

Again, you remind yourself, you need a friend… not a girlfriend. 

It doesn’t matter, regardless. She doesn’t seem to notice your flirting either way, but she doesn’t clarify their relationships any further, so you remain hopefully optimistic.

You both talk a bit more about yourselves before she moves on to all the adventures she, Jason and Roy have been on. Soon, she’s slurping up the last of the sweet drink with a pleased hum.

You try not to be salty that she has such amazing friends when yours can’t even bother to text you back after knowing each other for just the same amount of time as Kori and her friends.

“Hopefully, you will come along with us on our next adventure!”

You smile, genuinely smile for the first time in a long time. “Yeah, that sounds amazing.”

And it does.

“Wonderful!” she exclaims, clapping her hands together cutely. Everything is worth celebrating to her. This realization only serves to widen your grin.

Eventually, you’re splitting apart with the promise to meet up again soon.

She enters her number into your phone with her acrylics furiously tapping against your screen. When she hands you back your phone, you see she’s texted her number so she can have your number as well. Your first text message to someone in weeks.

Your heart swells, watching, thrumming as she walks away from you with a wave.

To Kori 🦄✨💟 Hello new friend!!! 💕

➳ ☆ ➳

Soon, you guys are hanging out every day. Whether it be meeting up early in the mornings to jog and grab coffee or walking to your yoga class together. Eventually, the meetups become actual hangouts. 

Two months pass and your friendship grows.

You can’t deny you wish it were more than just a friendship, but, hey, you’ll take what you can get. 

Eventually, she comes over after one of your daily walks in the park. 

You watch a couple of movies in your bed and by the time she realizes how late it is, she’s already dozing off with her head resting atop yours. Your heart swells, barely slowing its beating enough to fall asleep, but you do. In fact, you sleep better than you have in a long time.

You can’t help but feel it’s because you’re not alone.

➳ ☆ ➳

Here’s the thing; you’ve always been a touchy-feely person and it’s obvious from the start that Kori is the same.

It starts off completely innocent. A hand on your knee to let you know she’s listening, a gentle hand on your back to guide you around busy areas so she doesn’t lose you in the crowd, constantly playing with your hair just so she can run her fingers through it— her insane full body massages. You can’t get enough.

Then the cuddling starts.

You try to keep it innocent.

She tells you all the time about what she and Roy have been up to. She’s yet to clarify the label on just who this ‘Roy’ is since your first date, so, for now, you stake your claim as if she’s single.

Kori is the sun, chasing away all your shadows with just one flash of her brilliant smile. She’s the warmth when all your body has ever held onto was the frigid cold of the world you’ve always seen.

Now, she helps you see the world from her bright perspective.

You…

You love her.

➳ ☆ ➳

You’ve never been to her place until now.

It’s a quaint three-bedroom apartment, mostly devoid of any decoration aside from random photographs here and there. Mostly of Kori and two men, but there are a few of Kori and a black-haired woman who looks like the spitting image of her. 

She instantly herds you into what you assume is her room, though there’re men’s jeans on the floor. 

Your stomach drops, but her hands running up and down your sides, drawing you to her on the bed, distracts you quickly enough.

“You seem tense all of a sudden,” she says with a pout. All the while, your top rides up as you climb on the bed next to her. Her warm fingers press against your exposed skin and you fight back the urge to moan. “Let me massage you,” she insists.

You barely contain your carnal urge to mount her right then and there and claim her lips with your own, but you do.

“Yeah, okay,” you say with a nod, not really sure what to expect. After all, you and your friends had never been thisclose. 

No massages, no flirtatious comments, no cuddling. 

Nothing like this. 

Before you can lie down, you notice her contemplating something. When she finally speaks, it’s nothing you ever could’ve imagined her saying. 

“Can I remove this, yes?”

You look down to see her acrylics bunched up in your already-rising shirt and nod. You help her lift it off of you, albeit self-consciously, but she doesn’t seem to notice. Nor does she notice the light gasp that leaves your mouth once your lace bra is exposed.

She stares at you, leaving you to blush before she gently guides your back down to the mattress below. She motions for you to flip over, something you oblige easily before her hands are on you once again. Without hesitation, she unlatches your bra. Every movement of hers barely brushes against your bare skin, leaving goosebumps in her wake. 

“You know,” your words smoosh out against the mattress you’re currently pressed into as she begins to use steady pressure, “you don’t have to do this every time we hang out, Kori.”

She hums, knuckles digging gently into a knot in your lower back, just above your ass, “I love touching your skin. It is so soft.” 

The pressure turns to tickling as her acrylics tingle up and down your back. You arch into her touch, only barely holding yourself back from moaning. When she’s done, she rehooks your bra and moves to cuddle you, spooning you from behind. She sighs contentedly before beginning to gently scratch your scalp as she runs her fingers through your hair. 

You tap her and she immediately scoops you up into your favorite napping position.

You yawn, nestling between her thick, long legs. Once you snuggle in, you lay your head on her lower stomach, feeling as each breath of hers gets deeper and deeper until her light snores fill the room. You’re about to drift off, too, when the door opens. A deep voice rumbles playfully into her apartment. 

You don’t move. No, you hardly blink when another redhead makes an appearance in her doorway.

What is this? Some sort of redhead spawning point?

He looks over your precarious position with the smile he wore coming into the room, immediately freezing on his face.

So, this is the elusive Roy.

You smirk at him, nestling into Kori’s lower stomach slowly and coyly like a cat who got the cream.

He doesn’t say anything, which is just fine with you as you stretch all over Kori’s bare abdomen with your own, taunting the man who’s halfway across the room. 

Kori stirs slightly, moaning as she presses your head further into her tanned skin. You can’t help the pleased smirk that stretches across your lips as he stands there, still shell-shocked, as Kori forces your head further down her toned body. She’s still asleep when she does it. It’s as if it’s a natural reflex for her and it makes you want to nestle deeper into her delicate warmth, so you do. 

You languidly press into her warmth, pushing out your chest as you do. You give Roy a front-row seat to the cleavage that spills from your thin, lacy bra. 

His emerald eyes owlishly latch onto your erect nipples from across the room.

“Shit,” Roy curses breathily into the room. 

You shoot one more taunting look his way before he slowly shuts the door behind him.

By the time Kori wakes up from her nap, Roy’s gone.You don’t mention he was even there and she doesn’t ask. 

Instead, you spend the rest of the day painting each other's nails and watching dumb Youtube videos. Your relationship feels like it’s on the precipice of something, but what it is, you can hardly guess.

➳ ☆ ➳

The next time you hang out with Kori, she seems extra touchy-feely.

Perfectly fine with you.

You eat it up, returning the lingering touches with fervor. She stays over at your place, where you both end up shirtless and sleeping before the sun can even set. 

Completely platonic, of course…

You definitely don’t watch her hardened nipples rise and fall with her gentle breath. You definitely don’t touch yourself, imagining your face squished between her huge tits. No, definitely not.

You definitely don’t come on your fingers imagining fucking your come into her in front of that dumbass Roy.

No, definitely not.

A/N: inspired by these 2 songs by the kooks and this one as well as these sub!roy asks x x

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[thecatchat]

Organizing some thoughts

This is so much longer than I meant for it to be. I looked back at old posts using the archive feature on desktop and I was really meaning to just look for the post about the different dragon body parts and the different magics we gave them but I just kept finding cute, funny, or informative posts so here have a review of some of my favorite ideas we haven't seen in over a year. @thebadchoicemachine

Apparently we made Foolish into Daft, since it's one letter away from Draft, like drafting a plan. She's also a woman now, do we want to keep that? The name mishap came because when they introduced themselves to a exhausted, heat stricken sailor misheard the name and now everyone calls them that and it's a little too late to correct them now. Apparently they are now based off a turtle or sea turtle? Don't remember that part but I could roll with it.

I think we have Alex down as being like 8-10 years old physically? At least at first. How much do they age through out the lenses? I mean, with all the wonky time space dimension hopping and reality warping we have going on, they don't necessarily have to grow up.

Reminder for self mostly: replacing the SBI group is Revrie, god of the dimension Lull, basically a very flexible, light world. Very dream like. Revrie has adopted three Travelers (or they are all from Lull, I'm a sucker for found family but you imagined them all from Lull, I'm fine either way): Flame, Spark, and Ash.

Flame looks like they could kill you and would kill you. Either is from or really takes inspiration from apocalypse worlds and looks like he (they? she?) eats bricks for breakfast. They're a little mellowed out, but they still bounty hunt in random dimensions for fun and to keep in shape.

Spark looks like a cinnamon roll, would kill you. Could either be from or take lots of inspiration from super spy action movie type worlds. Has a ton of gadgets, small enough to crawl in vents, hyper competent in spying. Not the strongest but can kill you in 10 different ways with a spoon. Absolutely terrible at everything else. Never let them into a kitchen or do household chores. Small talk is abysmal. Look charming but once they open their mouth it's all over. Also, sparks = electricity = gadgets and tech.

Ash looks like they could kill you, is a cinnamon roll. Originally, I was getting werewolf vibes, but like hyena werewolf vibes. Now I'm rolling it through my brain. Maybe more Painted Wild Dog, or Maned Wolf, or maybe a different species entirely. Has the potential to break bones with their bites, but would prefer to prank and/or mess with people. And maybe a hug. Still mildly feral but in a cute, charming way. Just wants attention.

Suite and card titles for the Prowa quartet! Cue = Ace of Clubs. Rue = King of Spades. Bill = Queen of Diamonds. Switch = Jack of Hearts. Also, Switch is part chameleon and can change the color of his scales, which are dotted around his body like freckles. Also, I remember a post where Nite learned about Switch being slightly cold-blooded and he just, followed him around for the rest of the day, and heated up the rooms so Switch would be "safe from the cold" in a sense and that's too cute.

Dragon kingdom culture/slang. Enemies is an actual social title, referring to people who intentionally try to make your life harder or prevent you from reaching your goals. Used for things like people trying to get the same job position as you, annoying customers, wild animals, etc. Arch-Enemies are similar but more special: given to people who have genuine negative feelings towards the other, is often mutual, and born from personal fudes. Rivals are like Arch-Enemies but instead of coming from a place of hatred, it comes from the desire to see the other person grow and overcome challenges.

Another thing: Growing up, Nite was constantly being "summoned" places, summoned by his dad's, summoned by his soldiers, etc. I think "summon" is just short hand for "arriving/traveling to a place". If only to have the line "someone summon 911." or "Who summoned me?" jokes.

I should make memes for this story. I haven't done that since before the reboot.

We gave the soul/life draining powers to the people of the End Nation because it made their culture of constantly covering up all their skin and wearing masks make sense, especially since if you're already covering up every inch of skin, might as well dress up and exaggerate your body language to get your point across.

Found the post where we talk about different magics for the different parts of the body of the dragon. I have Thoughts about this but I will save it for when it is not 1:30 AM.

[scarl3ttjpg]

Back to Square One (07)

I woke up in a slight panic as I rolled off the couch, hitting the floor hard with a thud. My head was pounding and my back ached as I looked around the living room. Clyde and Bebe were both still asleep on the floor, and Butters had presumably gone to his room to sleep in his own bed, which was understandable. I took a look at my phone and was surprised to see that it was already well past 10 am. I scrolled through my notifications, skimming over the several texts from my dad asking where we were and if we were coming home any time soon. I sent him a quick response, verifying that Clyde and I weren't dead as I pulled myself off the ground and sat properly on the couch.

I began scrolling through Twitter, and sighed at all of the back-and-forth subtweets from the previous night. Nobody at the party had any business going on social media last night, and I could already tell that this would only make people more upset with me.

I set my phone down next to me and rest my head in my hands, the mere thought of everything draining all of the energy from my body. I'd always been one to overthink and doubt myself, and my current reputation didn't help at all. Back in elementary school, they were all reluctant in include me in their game. They only even considered it because of Clyde, not because they had wanted me to be a friend. Then when all the rumors started spreading, they all dropped me without a second thought. They all made it abundantly clear that they never wanted me to be a part of their group, but Kyle especially had made the biggest deal of it. The moment he heard what I did, both actually and allegedly, he decided that I was the worst person to exist. He decided that I was some sort of monster.

The thing that I never could understand, though, is why he's still so upset about it. Over ten years later and he still berates me every chance he gets. He was the first to drop me and the last to move on.

Still lost in my thoughts, I hear quiet footsteps pad down the hall into the living room. I didn't think to look up until I heard Butters speak.

"Oh, hey Y/N! Glad to see you're awake," he smiled. I gave a thumbs up. My head hurt too badly to verbally respond. I watched Butters make his way into the kitchen and fix himself a bowl of cereal. He looked over to me and gestured, silently asking if I wanted anything to which I shook my head. Clyde and I would probably stop and get lunch before we get home at this rate.

"Are you doin' okay? I know you got pretty upset last night. Gosh, I'm sorry about all of that, I thought he'd have moved on by now..."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah, I'm fine. I don't even remember a lot of what happened last night, I probably drank too much," I half-lied. If there's one thing I hate doing, it's making people worry about me. At school, I had gotten used to getting through things on my own. Hell, I never even bothered my roommate or my RA with anything.

Butters frowned at my answer but didn't continue pushing me. He took a seat next to me as he ate a spoonful of his breakfast in silence. We sat in quiet for a moment before Bebe slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes and letting out a groan.

"Who the fuck let me get that bad last night..." she whined, holding her head in her hands. One thing about Bebe is that she's a lightweight in denial. When she drinks, she always gets blackout drunk.

Bebe's whining was loud enough to wake up Clyde, who was just as whiny if not more so. He spent a few minutes ranting and mumbling about how bad his head and stomach hurt before I shot him a glare. I knew that he would still be whining about this the entire ride home, I wasn't going to listen to this longer than I had to.

"Hey, bozo, shut up please. My head already hurts without your bitching and I have to drive you home," I said coldly at my brother. He shut his mouth and frowned. I cleared my throat before looking at Butters and Bebe as I stood up.

"Anyways... We should probably get home," I started. "Our dad's been asking where we are all morning." I quickly gave Bebe and Butters hugs before making my way to the door, followed by Clyde.

"The party was fun. Y'know, aside from that... Hiccup."

We each said quick goodbyes before Clyde and I stepped out into the hall and made our way to the car. After what felt like an eternity of listening to Clyde complain about how hungover he was, we finally arrived at home. As fast as I could, I hopped out of the car and got inside the house.

"Dad, we're home!" I shouted into the house before I saw a note on the coffee table stating that he was out running errands. I sighed and sat down on the couch and leaned my head back. I smiled at the peace and quiet as Clyde shuffled his way up to his room until my phone vibrated. My smile shifted to a frown as I saw who had texted me.

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[imagoddamnonionmason]

8,9,10,16 for Keith and Steph!

hell yes. let's deep dive these little buggers 😎

Keith

What did your muse do in their free time? How did they entertain themself as a kid? Was probably dragged around to different social things by his mum, but when he could get away, would probably longing look at other kids being able to play around and chill and wish he could join them. Keith probably tried doing that, once, and immediately got scolded by his mother for it. Dragged inside and then chastised badly. His other free time was spent playing piano. He was forced to learn but it ended up being one of the things that calmed him down. He's decent at playing.

What was your muse's education like? Did they go to school? Did they like it? Decent - he got an education. Probably could have gone to university had he not decided to join the military cause he has got the brain for it. He enjoyed school but only because he was free to do what he wanted and without people breathing down his neck too much. Was a bit of a loner at school though until his early to mid-teens. I can see Keith being the natural leader of like that group that would bully others.

What responsibilities did your muse have as a child? Chores? Babysitting? How good were they at fulfilling their responsibilities? His father would have given him chores, treated him very militant - make sure your room is clean, nothing out of place, if it is, there's a punishment. Your clothes must always look straight, neat, no creases. Keith got good at it. Good at being treated like a private in basic and shining his shoes to a ridiculous level just to make sure his father was satisfied. His father probably made him do a lot of chores, whereas his mother would probably have had people to do them for the family (she's very entitled, I cannot stress this enough, and probably comes from a family where they didn't have to lift a finger and ate from a silver spoon.) He was good at keeping on top of the responsibilities his father gave him, but not because he wanted to, but because he had to in order to avoid a negative outcome.

If your muse could say one thing to their childhood self, what would they say? Would your muse want to meet their childhood self in the first place? He'd probably tell his childhood self that he proves that his father was wrong. He'd want to tell his younger self that everything he was told was a lie and that there are people that will value him, he's just got to fight for it.

Steph

What did your muse do in their free time? How did they entertain themself as a kid?

Probably spent a lot of time climbing trees, being out and playing with other kids but not really belonging to any particular clique. I reckon that she actually grew up in a suburban estate looking place, in a different state than the one she ended up in during her mid-late teens.

I imagine she spent a lot of time outside growing up.

What was your muse's education like? Did they go to school? Did they like it?

She preferred her younger years of school but absolutely hated high school. She was the kid that had her hood up, trying her best to remain anonymous and far away from others because she just ended up not trusting people and their judgements.

Her step sister made her high school years the worst experience of her life.

She did well at school.

What responsibilities did your muse have as a child? Chores? Babysitting? How good were they at fulfilling their responsibilities?

I feel like she probably got lumped with all the chores even though they should have been equally dealt with by her and Rachael, her step-sis. But they weren't. She'd focus on the ones she was given, then head out of the house to avoid being told off for now completing Rachael's, at least until her dad came home and just kind of dismissed everyone's feelings on the matter.

So... good at her own responsibilities, but not about to do her sister's! No matter how much Rachael tried to get her to do them!

If your muse could say one thing to their childhood self, what would they say? Would your muse want to meet their childhood self in the first place?

"There's two of them- two. Remember that. Two of them."

[drdemonprince]

I don't know who to ask about this and I'm too ashamed to ask in any auDHD support group, but how do I cope with RSD from my own incompetence?

I made friends in the crochet community and I've been learning crochet for three years. I'm glad for how far I've come but I can't ignore the fact that I've been talked down by my family due to my hobbies. Since I was a kid, every special interest that I have got shot down or ridiculed and I think because of that, I always have a bit of an unhealthy view of it.

Sometimes, I became competitive and when meeting new people who are more likable, more talented, more resourceful, or have more spoons to create, I wish I could be their friend too so hopefully, I could be like them. But then, I get RSD because of their lack of interest (because I already put a barrier between us) or because sometimes we're not on the same page regarding some things.

I became resentful every time I saw or meet them. I just can't shake the anxiety and irrational anger whenever I see even a glimpse of them online or offline. I can't stop projecting my insecurities onto them and even though I've tried to act nice and avoid any talk or conflict, I can't ignore them entirely since we're in the same circle. My friends like this person, and I know I look odd being the only one who stops talking or is void of emotion whenever we're in the same space.

I feel childish just asking this but I hope you know a way for me to cope with it.

I wrote in a piece a few months ago arguing that most of what gets called RSD is largely just pathologizing a really sensible reaction to repeated social rejection, and I think that holds here.

You are putting a LOT of pressure on yourself, on your own abilities as a crocheter, on every interaction that you have within the community, on individual people who symbolize a desired level of acceptance and recognition you imagine they have and that you don't, on the validatory meaning of small interactions, etc, and so it's no wonder you are bugging the fuck out so much! It's very hard to act normal and chill and take the weird comings and goings of socializing with other people naturally when there's so much weight hanging on every little interaction or cue

(including many completely unintentional or potentially misreadable cues -- it's hard to gauge how much a new/slightly unfamiliar person actually likes or dislikes you, sometimes, and when you've had a lifetime of bad experiences, it's easier to sensibly default to assuming any neutral or missing cue is a negative).

Unfortunately, in my experience the only ways to move past this kind of overthinking and stressing and putting a hindering amount of symbolic weight on small interactions is through lots of practice and building up distress tolerance... and by genuinely having positive or warm experiences enough times that it helps train your nervous system to not associate the activity or community with threat.

It's apt you're messaging me coming off furfest weekend; when I'm around plushy-suited smiling-faced fursuits, I actually feel happy and comfortable around people, because they all look so nice and unthreatening to me! And move so goofily and sweetly and are there for such an adorable reason! In reality, I could practice seeing all humans in this way, because those are humans under those fursuits and most humans are just as capable of being silly and playful as furries are, at least in the right context.

But I have Social Anxieties and so a neutral expression on an unknown person registers as either disapproval or threat, much the time, meaning I am more defensive and less friendly with other people as I move about the world, worsening my own social anxiety by denying me practice and positive experiences, etc. all of which is a long winded way of saying i feel you and i understand what it's like.

In my experience, when I *can't* just run off and surround myself with completely nonthreatening looking fursuiters as a means of disengaging my social anxiety, one way I can at least overcome the worst of it is by having a lot of really mundane interactions with people that are not focused on socializing or making friends (or scoring any kind of interpersonal "win") as their cause.

Having an external goal and focus that you share with others unites them with you and keeps you mutually distracted enough to not be distracted by constantly socially evaluating one another (or trying to guess at how the other person is evaluating you etc). So, join up with some people to organize an event in the crocheting community, edit some example patterns with someone, ask someone whose skills you respect for help with a project that's got you stuck, just generally find some way to share the act of directing attention toward some separate/third thing, and make it something noncompetitive or where you can experience the other person as affiliated with you.

What's great is that research shows working collaboratively on a task as equals is one of the greatest bias-busters for neurodivergent people! So if you have looming anxieties about people treating you weirdly because your neurodivergent or anything like that, aligning yourself with someone to take on a task or a project is more likely to make them like you in return, and you will eventually be able to notice and internalize some signs of that affection, hopefully.

Beyond that, I think you need to just keep going to events in the chrocheting space, contributing to them, approaching people and asking them about their work, asking for and receiving advice and help with your own, and just generally behaving cordially to everyone you bump up around in that world, even if you don't like some of them or have some anxieties surrounding how some of them see you. when we really fear the judgement of another person we feel strongly motivated to dive the fuck away from them, which does not lessen the anxiety in the longrun.

but if the person isn't downright hostile or abusive to us or anything like that, we can usually get a little bit more acclimated to being around them simply by ... being around them, but not prioritizing winning them over, just socializing with others and interacting with them neutrally / pleasantly enough when the situation naturally arises. some people in the community might not like you, or RSD might be sending you some misfires or both, but either way, you can keep showing up and focusing on the friendships and activities that have been paying off, and directing more energy there.

and you'll probably still feel like an overly analytical insecure wreck for a while as you do all of this!! that is okay. feeling better is not the first step to doing better/differently. you can enact the behaviors of being affiliative, pleasant, collaborative, and curious even when you're not absolutely feeling it.

if you have big red glaring instincts telling you a person is Bad to be around, dont ignore that, of course, but you can keep showing up and being a pleasant, active party in this community even when your brain is telling you that so and so not looking up from their project to say hi when you walked in the room is proof that they have always hated you. it isn't proof of that, most of the time, but youre not crazy for having those fears, i have intrusive thoughts like that all the time.

my mind looks all around for evidence ive fucked up in some terrible way that i need to fix, and ive had to make an intentional practice of dismissing those ideas when they come up, and choosing to treat interactions and lower stakes and more blase than they actually felt that they were... but eventually i just got so socially active and had so many interactions that were in fact low stakes and not a big deal that eventually my brain started sometimes believing it wasnt a think to worry so much about.

i hope some of that makes sense or has some applications to what you're working on. i'm sorry that your family has been so dismissive of your passions over the years. it sounds like youve found a rewarding hobby and some people you enjoy being around who also take part in it, and that even the worst enemies you have in the space at this point are not actively dicks, just passively disinterested, so you really do have a lot of raw social material to work with here and get more acclimated to with continued practice. but hey, it's been three years, it's honestly okay if there are some anxieties you always have, just dont let it keep you from getting out there and trying to approach people/engage in the hobby along with other people. sounds like youve been doing fine.

[thistransient]

- So I went to the Taiwanese trial class with my friend. It was taught by a little old lady who was nice enough but gave me some mild flashbacks to those harrowing weeks with the Mandarin teacher of a similar age. Most of the session was her explaining the history of 台語 in Taiwan, with a side of trying to force the 8 tones and counting from 1 to 10 upon us via rote memorization. I felt a bit frustrated and not entirely thrilled, my friend was miffed that the school hadn’t explained the price they quoted was for the trial class only. We’ve decided to give it a pass and try a different school, although our scheduled trial there is on hold on account of the teacher falling ill. In the meantime my friend has begun to contemplate taking group Japanese class instead (as his partner and her kid are Japanese), which is much more widely available. I am tempted. Do I need to start half-assedly learning yet another language? Probably not. Do I want to divert my energy from Mandarin to whole-assedly learn Japanese? Also not really. Is there a high chance of following through nonetheless? At least I’m self-aware about it...

- Job applications here largely require a photo, and I need a haircut but I’m afraid to go back to the place I went in August for the big chop. The guy started cutting it while wet, then broke out the blow-dryer and kept snipping til he was satisfied, but because my hair is curly and I do not own styling product more complicated than a comb, it reverted immediately to a vague dandelion shape and took several months to actually resemble the reference photo I’d provided. The thought keeps crossing my mind to simply shave my head entirely. I had it buzzed to a 3 some ten years ago after a dye-job gone wrong and did not enjoy my appearance. Of course I look different now, and hair grows back, but the struggle between wanting the catharsis and radical change (not to mention less mess in the shower drain strainer) of a head-shave, and fearing the hassle of growing it all back out if I do truly detest it is raging inside of me.

- After coming back from Korea I may have spent one whole day languishing in bed and eating spoonfuls of peanut butter as a meal before slowly reconvening daily activities. I have been meeting some friends and going out, but I end up needing one day of hermit-like recovery for every outdoor social endeavour. I have yet to implement any kind of proper schedule (beyond “try to eat three meals and go outside at least once”), leading my friends to recommend I start by contemplating my greater, overarching goals for life. Every few years I come round to the notion of attempting a STEM degree (which would require redoing undergrad, but, as they say, “the time will pass anyways”). I think it would be really engaging to do a program taught in Chinese, and possibly motivate me to overcome my deficiencies in the math department, which is what always puts me off the whole scheme. Scientific terms are so much simpler in Mandarin because they’re extremely 顧名思義 (just as the name implies); English really shot itself in the foot with all the Greek and Latin. I don’t even need to check the dictionary to figure out 光合 means ‘photosynthesis’... Will I actually follow through with this, and live out my days happily studying trees and avoiding small talk with humans, or will I continue to trundle through life intermittently trying to teach English between bouts of autistic burnout? When I put it that way, the answer seems obvious, but this is without factoring in all the bugs that live in trees... Also wasn’t I trying to convince myself to go to grad school for what, translation? linguistics? library science? something? just a few months ago? Maybe overarching life goals are a red herring at present, and I should just get a job first and then see what kind of things I’m interested in when I have consistent disposable income to pursue them at length.

- I am, at the ripe old age of my mid-30s (I’m rounding up since my birthday is next month- again, so soon??) being forced to reconsider what it means to like someone. Perhaps on account of being socially inept and spending all of my formative years in Catholic school, I took for granted that it was that painful, infatuated pining one feels for attractive strangers or casual acquaintances who generally don’t reciprocate. In the past couple years I began to experience the strange phenomenon of having great affection for friends I’d gotten to know slowly and who became increasingly physically appealing as time wore on, but I wrote this off as Mystery Emotion X because it lacked that frantic obsession I was accustomed to. Now I suspect this may simply be a healthy manifestation of romantic attraction. I’ve often struggled with exactly what identity label the intersection of my gender, attraction pattern, and neurodivergency might land me under. I think the plot is thickening... but I will put off pursuing further clarity by going to the BDSM bar instead.

[straystars-and-planets]

Hey, I get it. Losing Channie's room has been an upsetting and emotional experience for a lot of STAYs, including me. They were always something that cheered me up on the weekends. More than anything I am sad for Chan -- he's often said he really enjoys being able to livestream and interact with STAY, and my biggest hope is that he is doing okay right now. He didn't deserve the initial backlash, and he certainly doesn't deserve the shitstorm (pardon my language) happening across social medial (tweet, tiktok, bubble particularly) right now.

(Goes without saying but this is all my personal opinion/thoughts, feel free to ignore, take with a grain/spoonful/ocean of salt)

Right now I am so frustrated with the narrative that this happened solely due to poor management on the part of JYPE and/or JYP. To be clear: I have many reservations/issues with the way JYP and JYPE manage their groups/artists. Whatever your opinion on SKZ's management, that is not the main issue here. Because it was STAY who created and contributed to the situation we are currently in today.

In fact I'm ANGRY that STAY and other fans of Stray Kids are not taking responsibility for their role in all of this. I think enough has been said about the openly toxic content creators/social media accounts who went out of their way to speculate and circulate rumors about groups having conflicts/drama with Chan and/or Stray Kids, so I'm trying to keep this part short. TL;DR - these "STAY" go against what Chan himself has explicitly stated multiple times across different platforms:

He has asked STAY to stop defaming and hating on other artists. In the specific YT live that was the subject of the initial "drama" he even went out of his way to say "I'm not going to name names" and "I'm not gonna say specific artists."

He has told STAY to stop sending hate or to spam JYPE. At in-person fansigns, fan calls, on Bubble and on lives, Chan has said "Don't hate the company" or something similar. I can't recall the exact words but he has also stated or implied that when fans do this it ultimately reflects poorly on Stray Kids and stresses him out more.

But I also wanted to shed light on the ways I think many STAYs who are unproblematic or largely neutral in this situation may have inadvertently amplified the messages of the toxic/vocal minority of the fandom or unintentionally made the situation worse. A lot of times we react emotionally to any unfavorable or negative news about our favorite artists/idol groups. I get it - for a lot of people Stray Kids are an anchor, safe space or home where they can be themselves and find comfort. So when we hear about anything negative it's easy to have a knee-jerk response of protect protect protect. But I think in that process many STAY (once again, who are mostly unproblematic and not trying to start any drama) don't think about how the ways they go about finding information, letting others know about information and defending Stray Kids are causing small incidents to evolve into large scandals.

I can't claim to know all the solutions or fix everything in this fandom, but there are some things I've noticed that could be done better, or in a way that doesn't reflect poorly on SKZ. As individual members of a larger fandom, I hope that in the future we can focus on not engaging or at least minimizing engagement with the toxic + vocal minority of the fandom that tries to stir up drama. These accounts are trying to get attention at the expense of SKZ and STAY by creating conflict.

What do I mean by that? First up: when you do see a video that appears to be speculative or for the purposes of spreading rumors/gossip, don't just share it immediately. I get it, it's a potential "threat" SKZ's reputation/wellbeing. But look into it before you post: are there any outside new sources, official posts, or statements by SKZ members or JYPE actually backing this up? And if you have mutuals/friends who are asking what's going on, can we refrain from sharing the content directly? DM them a TL;DR or summary. Try to reduce the use of share functions (like reposting, quote retweets, sharing tiktok links, etc.), all that does is boost problematic/speculative content into the FYP/feeds/TLs of more people. After a certain point mass commenting "take this down" or "is this true?" is just going to boost the engagement on these kinds of speculative posts. Hopefully it goes without saying, but try not to 'like' these kinds of speculative videos/posts. At the end of the day, any/all engagement from well-intentioned STAY trying to discourage toxic behavior and inform others will lead to better metrics (views, likes, shares, etc.) for these problematic accounts, which may encourage them to continue posting "controversial" content. TL;DR - Bad PR/exposure is still PR/exposure for the part of the fandom we DON'T want to amplify.

and PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, can we stop with the cryptic comments? I know this usually comes from a good place - we don't want negative words trending in association with SKZ. But cryptically commenting "omg I hope [member name] is okay...." is just going to rile people up more. Just either comment directly a brief summary or send the person a DM. If you comment a brief but clear summary then it also helps prevent other STAYs from potentially engaging with speculative/gossip content to find an answer + people will read that instead of also commenting "what happened?" Half the time I feel like these minor issues snowball into giant problems because some STAYs freak out when other members of the fandom refuse to be clear about what the actual fuck is going on.

Finally, just leave other artists out of this. Full stop. EVERYONE loses the minute STAY involves other artists, other companies and/or other fandoms. Seriously. Yes, sometimes there is very obvious evidence (footage of artist interactions, screenshots, vague artist instagram posts, etc.) that there is something going on between two individuals in the K-pop industry. But until Stray Kids or JYPE says anything about it, trying to get other parties involved is only going to hurt SKZ and STAY. It's contributing to the image that STAY is a toxic/aggressive fandom. It's going to turn away baby STAYs or people considering becoming STAYs away from SKZ's music and content. It's going to reflect poorly on SKZ because their management and other people in the industry may assume they badmouth other artists/colleagues and sic their fans on them with no reason or for irrational reasons. And (as we have witnessed) it might result in SKZ being penalized for something that should never have blown up to the point it has. Even if other fandoms or certain social media accounts are trying to provoke STAY, let's try to be the better/more generous people (we don't have to forgive them, but no need to expend so much energy/attention on them). Ignore/block/disengage/report - stop quote retweeting/quoting these people and drawing more viewership towards accounts who are trying to stir the pot. Don't actually tag these people, use a slash/punctuation to break up the tag so they don't get more attention/engagement (ex. @/[account name]).

Small ending note: let's not forget the agency of the artists themselves. I know we all have misgivings with how Stray Kids is managed. That's fine. Consumers/customers are allowed to be critical of the way a company is managed or how a company manages its employees and business. But we have to trust that Chan and all the other members know what they are doing.

[camgirlsurvivalguide]

Goooood morning Survivors -- back at it with my favourite procrastination strategy: making e-books instead of shooting for OF! Love that for me.

Anyhow,

Tier systems and exclusivity marketing have always been at the forefront of my personal approach to my business. My two overarching goals with online SW are to make a lot of money (duh) while also keeping myself and my subscribers happy. For the camgirl migrators who used to live stream and then worked our way over to content creation platforms - I feel like some of our foundational knowledge has been forgotten, and I’m here to remind everyone that the way we used to do things is still a really good approach even on OF.

On M/FC, we focused our energy on premium members, and always offered more attention to tippers than to basics or non-tippers. This helped us focus on where the money was actually coming from, and rewarding tippers with more attention/special treatment plus access to things that others didn’t receive (videos, VIP status, club memberships etc) made tipping look more attractive to non-tippers. 

Somehow on OF, practices have shifted - and I argue they’ve shifted in ways that really don’t benefit all of us very well, or very often. I’ve paid for “shout outs” from top creators twice now, and both times it’s involved giving out a number of free trials to my page. Both times I’ve paid over $200 and received a grand total of zero fucking dollars in the end - the free trials were used over 50 times, and NONE of those new “subscribers” paid me a damn dime. The only people benefiting were the seller, who pocketed my $200, and the seller’s subscribers who got free access to my page for a month (and then proceeded to spend absolutely nothing). Maybe this works for others, maybe there are criteria that I need to follow more carefully, bla bla bla - the bottom line is I think this practice mainly circles around from top creator to top creator while providing the buyer themselves - aka me, in this situation - with next to nothing. Now if I sold a “shout out” with a free trial link to someone else and then gave all my subscribers a month of free access to a different creators page, sure, some of them may click it - but they’re also more likely to stick with me for the chance to get free subs elsewhere.

Make sense? Because when it makes sense, it just kind of sucks. For me, I mean. For the other two parties it’s great - but I’m out here trying to make me money first and foremost. The second piece, as per old M/FC knowledge, is I’m trying to make the people who actually support me happy so they continue to do so. 

This is where my e-book comes in. I’ve had more than half of my current subscribers for more than a year, with probably a third of that half having been subscribed for two or more years. At current, 125 active subs have spent $1000 or more on my page - and that’s out of just 275 total subscribers at the moment (it’s low bc I broke my fucking wrist and can barely lift a spoon to my mouth without dropping food, let alone shoot sexy content lol).

What I’m getting at here is that I’ve learned how to make people happy enough to stay long term and spend a lot. I do this using exclusivity marketing, which helps me maintain my own boundaries (I only really want a small group of top tier supporters seeing my most explicit content, which helps me keep leaks lower and makes me feel better about what I release) and allows me to charge $100 plus for a single video, because I know the individuals I’m sharing it with are way more likely to purchase expensive stuff. This is personal experience that I feel strongly enough about to sell to you as a tutorial book. As always, I’m never going to offer something for sale that I haven’t personally utilized with strong reward, so the book is a massive source of information not just for newbies but especially for long term creators. 

At this point, because of how I’ve set myself up, even if I lost access to every single social media account I own, I know I’d still be able to make a handsome income because I don’t rely on advertising or a constant influx of new subscribers for the bulk of my income. Advertising is always necessary, but if you set yourself up right, it’s not 100% crucial to be doing every single day. As always, I’m sleepy and I have a huge brain so I prefer to work smart, not hard. 

Anyhow, thanks for listening to me rant. I really hope the book benefits some of y’all because I think we could all use a bit more of this strategy and a bit less mad scrambling to secure new subs every day. Are you tired? I’m fucking tired. Doing things this way is a little less tiring. 

[astramthetaprime]

Drops to Fill the Ocean

Pathfinder is at 34k words.

As I spend eight hours a day sitting in front of a computer for work, my weekday nights are spent largely in a vegetative state in front of the TV watching videos. I just can't gen up the energy to come back in here after dinner and crank up my own machine when I've just spent the entire day concentrating for work. It's the most illustrative example of "spoons theory" right here in my own life. I only have so much gumption in this old head and I spend the vast majority of it earning a living. Earning enough money that I can pay my bills and keep myself and the pup fed. What few hours I have to spare on a Sunday afternoon are all I have where energy, brain power, and creativity coincide to eke out a few hundred words.

A scene -- maybe two if I get a bug up my wazoo. But it's progress, however truncated. I'm still writing. I'm still trying.

That grand pronouncement I made before my mom died "I'll finish it by ChattaCon!" Yeah that didn't work out. I should know better than to issue challenges like that to the universe.

But it will be finished nonetheless. No one may ever read it. But I will finish it. One scene at a time.

Cory Doctorow writes his books in 15 minute increments. He writes 15 minutes a day. And he gets it done. I may only write a couple hours a week. But I'm getting it done. I want to finish it. I want to workshop and edit it. I want to keep on writing further stories in this universe. Not because it could ever be published. But because I want to see what I can do with it and where it can go.

But beyond that -- there's Substack. Or Medium. Or just good old fashioned ebook and audiobook on Amazon. I'm afraid of the work involved in all that, frankly. I'm not one for social media at all. Tumblr is the only social media I willingly participate in. And that came about because I got tired of reading @copperbadge and @scifigrl47 as websites. (Oddly, I cannot find Sci on here, but Sam is like the Statue of Liberty of Tumblr, you can't miss him, he's on t-shirts and mugs everywhere. )

Also I get complaints that my formatting is wrong from the local writer's guild group I'm in, but that's because I write the first draft in single-space vertical, 1 inch margins, Arial Rounded MT Bold 10 Point with no indents at the start of paragraphs. I can reformat it later during the edits. Besides, what's the point of double-spacing these days? No one in their right mind is actually printing manuscripts out for mark-up anymore, right? The slush pile is an email address.

Anyway.

Things are looking up. Slowly but surely.

My old friends I told you all about? We've started playing D&D again on Saturday afternoons. I will gladly give up those hours to spend with them. This is self care. This is being kind to myself.

I went to speak to a therapist. I'll be starting regular appointments later this month.

Nothing will get done, nothing will be healed, sitting on your ass in front of the TV.

Write. One word at a time.

Two jumps to the Cluster, two to Daitengu. The Shogun is expecting us. We're going home.

[kyrii]

idk if anyone will see this. I hope someone does. Normally this is something you'd vent to a friend about. But I currently don't have friends that I feel would both understand and have the spoons to handle me venting. So I'm gonna tag some helpfully helpful tags and hope. If nothing else, yelling into the void sometimes helps by itself.

I recently discovered that I'm autistic. I'll be 28 in September-- I'm a grown ass adult and only just now discovered a major part of who I am, and that shifts a lot in how I view myself. In a way, it's comforting and validating because I feel like I have somewhat of an answer for why I am the way I've been my entire life. It's also incredibly isolating.

I took a trip this weekend to have a girls' weekend with my old high school friends. I've known these women since freshman year of high school-- 14 years this year. I love them dearly, and I know they love me too. That's not in doubt. But my interactions with them have made me realize just now incredibly out of place I feel. I've felt both happy to see them and hang out and also terribly awkward-- quiet, slow on the uptake, socially awkward, not fun to be around... acting like these are people I've just met instead of people that I've known for over half my life.

At first, I thought I was just acting and feeling that way because I haven't seen them in a while and I don't have any in-person friends back where I live. I haven't made a single in-person friend since graduation, actually. So yeah, perhaps it's fair to say that my social interaction skills are very rusty. So maybe if I just gave it time, I'd open up this weekend and things would feel how they should.

But they never did.

Don't get me wrong, I've had a great time. I have genuinely enjoyed spending time with my old friends-- and the new ones I've made this weekend as well. But the whole time, I've felt like a background character. On the outside looking in. The friend that invited me and our two other old high school friends also invited two friends she's made in the last year and has grown close to. I love these new people, and I'm glad my friend has them in her life. But I also feel that my presence has a tendency to shrink as the group number increases.

We went to a small Pride walk today-- the first one I've ever gone to. At first, I was really excited-- I've always wanted to go to a Pride event but never felt empowered enough to do so. But as we were getting ready to go, that feeling of "you don't belong here" kept creeping in. I'm Demi-Bi myself, so I know there's a space for me, though I do worry that some people might not consider graysexuals part of the collective. But I'm also not big and loud, I don't know how to do any kind of makeup let alone the kind I saw everyone else wearing. Suffice it to say that I felt very out of place.

I don't know how to phrase all this without whining. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm whining. I've just come to the realization that this feeling is not new. I've felt this way my entire life. Even with my closest friends, these women. I've always felt like I don't belong. Like why are they friends with me? I honestly don't make sense with the rest of them. I know they'd argue up and down how I'm wrong and list probably perfectly valid and logical reasons as to why I do belong. And I'd be grateful. But I don't feel like I belong. I never have. I feel like everywhere I go, I'm an outsider looking in. And honestly (here come the reason for the TW in the tags), I've had so many thoughts today about how much I don't want to live anymore if the rest of my life is going to be me feeling out of place for the rest of my days. I know these thoughts are passive and they will pass. But right now, I really just want to disappear. If not die, I want to at least disappear into the wilderness where I won't have the opportunity to interact with another human soul. If there's no window to look through, I won't feel like I'm on the outside of it.

Idk how to end all this. Honestly, it's late and these are really big feelings that I don't know how to process or what to do. It feels hopeless right now, like I'll always feel this way. Though I know that logic tells me otherwise, that doesn't help. I don't know how to change or what to do. I don't know how to face the rest of my life with this knowledge that this is how I've always been. It is a natural way of being for me. Do I need to somehow fundamentally change that? Is it possible? And if not, what then? I face utter loneliness for the rest of my life. I'm forced to sit at a metaphorical dinner table where everyone but me gets to eat and enjoy conversation. And I'm just choking down my water.

[fandom-smut-shots]

Keith Kogane - I’m Not Going Anywhere

Not Going Anywhere

A/N: Modern life AU.

Also, any genders and pronouns are acceptable to request. If not specified, I default to female, because that’s the majority of reader inserts in my experience.

Summary: You’ve been dating Keith for about six months, but you’ve only recently met his group of friends. He’s worried that they each have more to offer you than he does, and his insecurities eat away at him until you calm him down.

Words: 2,063

           “Your girlfriend is coming to the party, right?”

         Keith froze, glancing up at Shiro where the older man stood beside the stove, preparing a pot of spinach artichoke dip. He was a disaster at cooking actual food, but he’d managed to learn to prepare dips like a boss.

         “Uh…” was all the black-haired boy managed in response, shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

         “Come on, Keith,” Shiro chided gently, employing his best Older Brother voice. “You’ve been seeing this girl for, what, six months now? I think it’s time I met her. And what better time to introduce her to the gang than at your birthday party?”

         “Do I have to introduce her to everyone?” Keith whined, glaring down at his breakfast. “Can’t she just meet you and be done with it?”

         Shiro sighed, turning to argue when he caught sight of his brother’s expression. Keith wasn’t one for expressing his emotions, so Shiro had learned early on how to read the arch of his brow and the shine of his eyes. Keith currently looked crestfallen, which given the circumstances meant that insecurities were buzzing around inside his head.

         “It’s going to be fine, Keith,” the older boy commented, taking a seat across from Keith at the table. “Everyone is going to love her, and she’s going to love your friends.”

         “That’s what I’m worried about,” was all Keith murmured before he stood, setting his cereal bowl in the sink before turning to skulk down the hallway towards his room.

           “I’d love to go to his birthday party!” you squealed into the phone, balancing it between your ear and your shoulder so you had free use of your hands. “I’m almost done decorating his cake. I could bring it with me!”

         “He’d love that,” Shiro chuckled on the other end. “We’re not a baking-inclined family, so it’s always store-bought cakes for us.”

         “He told me he just wanted to do something simple to celebrate with me,” you returned, swirling icing atop the cake to add calligraphic decoration to Keith’s name. “I wonder why he didn’t tell me you were throwing him a party.”

         “He doesn’t like being the center of attention,” Shiro reasoned.

         You hummed in agreement. “That’s true.” Setting the piping bag on the counter, you paused, a frown forming on your lips. “It’s not… He wants me to come, right? He won’t be mad that you invited me?”

         Shiro sighed into the receiver, and you bit your lip nervously. “He’ll be upset that I went behind his back, but I know him very well, and I think he’d enjoy the party a lot more if you were there. He’s just nervous about you meeting his friends. They can be a handful.”

         “If you’re sure,” you replied. The last thing you wanted to do was upset your boyfriend while trying to celebrate his birthday. “I’ll be there. With a cake.”

         “Perfect,” the man on the phone replied. “I’ll see you tonight. It’ll be great, I promise.”

         You hung up the phone and set it on the counter, admiring your handiwork on your boyfriend’s cake. Exhaling softly, you tried to believe Shiro’s words. Everything would be fine.

           Your heart hammered in your chest as you approached the front door of Shiro and Keith’s shared house. Carefully balancing the cake with one hand, you raised the other to knock on the door, waiting patiently but anxiously for someone to answer. The door opened to reveal Shiro, smiling widely upon seeing you on the other side.

         “(y/n)! It’s so great to meet you!” he greeted enthusiastically. “I’m Shiro, Keith’s older brother. I apologize if I startled you with that phone call earlier – I wasn’t sure Keith would actually follow through and invite you.”

         “He didn’t,” you giggled. “I don’t mind at all. I’ve been wanting to meet you for months.”

         “Let me take that for you,” he offered, easing the cake out of your hold. He headed inside, nodding for you to follow him. You closed the door behind you, following the tall man- like seriously, how was he that tall?-  into the kitchen. There stood a thicker boy, nearly as tall as Shiro, stirring and chopping like a professional chef.

         “That cheese sauce smells amazing, Hunk,” Shiro complimented the cook, placing the cake on the counter.

         “It’s almost done- ooh, where’d the cake come from?” the cook inquired.

         “Keith’s girlfriend.”

         The spoon being used to stir the cheese sauce fell to the floor with a clink, gooey cheese splashing all over the tile.

         “Keith’s what?!”

         The tall, tanned cook spun on his heel, a grin splitting his lips as he caught sight of you. “She’s real!”

         Shiro laughed softly, stepping closer to you. “Hunk, this is (y/n). (y/n), this is Hunk, our resident chef. He shares a few classes with Keith.”

         “I’m an engineering major,” Hunk explained, offering his hand. You placed your comparably tiny hand in his, giggling softly.

         “It’s nice to meet you. Keith has mentioned your cooking.”

         Hunk’s eyes sparkled at the confirmation that the emotionally constipated raven appreciated his food before he turned back to the stove.

         “Hey, Shiro, what-“ Keith stopped in his tracks as he entered the kitchen, his eyes widening as he stared at you. “(y/n)? What are you doing here?”

         “I invited her because I knew you wouldn’t,” Shiro explained.

         “It’s okay that I’m here, right, babe?” you questioned, brows furrowing with worry as you took Keith’s hands in yours.

         “Babe?” teased an unfamiliar voice. “Keith lets someone call him babe?” A tall, thin brunet sauntered into view, resting his elbow on your boyfriend’s shoulder. “Hey, who’s the hottie? She’s- ow!”

         Keith’s elbow collided with the brunet’s rib, and he stepped away.

         “Yeah, it’s okay,” Keith murmured, lacing his fingers with yours, but you could hear the uncertainty in his voice. You stood up on your toes, pressing your lips to his, and he melted into the gesture despite having an audience. The brunet from before whistled at the sight, and Keith pulled back with a glare in his eyes and a blush on his cheeks.

         “I’m (y/n,” you introduced, offering your hand.

         “The name’s Lance,” the tan brunet grinned, taking your hand in his and lightly kissing your knuckles. You simply raised a brow in response, unsurprised when Keith ripped Lance’s hand away from yours.

         “She’s taken,” he growled, wrapping an arm around your waist. You giggled softly, resting your head on Keith’s shoulder.

         “Is that everyone?” you inquired, looking towards Shiro.

         “Hunk!” another voice called from the hallway. “Are the nachos done? I’m starving- oh, hey.”

         Finally, someone not insanely tall.

         “I’m Pidge,” they offered, lifting their hand to their head in a salute. “You must be Keith’s girlfriend.”

         “(y/n),” you countered. “Are you another friend of his?”

         Pidge stole a chip from the bowl on the table, popping it into their mouth. “If that’s what we’re calling it. I’m friends with Lance and Hunk, and they kinda forced Keith to join the group.”

         “I encouraged it,” Shiro replied. “My brother needs social skills.”

         “I have plenty of social skills,” Keith grumbled in response.

         Lance snickered loudly, Pidge choked on a ship, and Hunk chuckled from his place at the stove.

         “I got myself a girlfriend without your interference, didn’t I?” your boyfriend defended, his grip around your wait tightening.

         “How did you two meet, anyway?” Pidge questioned.

         “I’m an art major,” you replied. “We met in Interpretive Painting.”

         “Keith takes art classes?” Lance gasped, his voice raising several octaves.

         “Makes sense,” Pidge shrugged.

         “Interpretive Painting?” Hunk repeated. “That sounds like fun.”

         “Ah, someone who will encourage my brother to keep working on his art,” Shiro smiled. “I already love her.”

         Keith used his hand on your waist to guide you away from the others, leading you to the living room. He sat on the couch, pulling you onto his lap, securing his arms around you. Your own arms wrapped around his neck, your fingers toying with his thick raven hair. His nose nuzzled into your neck as he inhaled deeply, enjoying the scent of your body wash.

         “Why didn’t you want me to meet them?” you inquired softly. “They seem nice.”

         “Too nice,” he murmured against your skin. “They’ll take you away from me.”

         You pulled away from Keith just enough to lift his head, caressing his jaw with your hand, gazing softly into his violet eyes. “You don’t really think that, do you?”

         His gaze dropped somewhere behind you – a tell that the current situation made him vulnerable and insecure.

         “You heard them in there. I’m not social. How many times have you told me I suck at texting back? If you hadn’t been so friendly, I wouldn’t have even been able to ask you out.”

         “So?” you questioned, brushing your thumb across is cheekbone. “I’m dating you, aren’t I? If you being anti-social was an issue, I wouldn’t have said yes.”

         He sighed, dropping his forehead to your shoulder. “Lance is better at romance and dating. Pidge is smart, and you like a lot of the same games. Hunk can cook actual meals. They have more to offer you.”

         Your heart broke at his honesty. You knew how hard it was for Keith to be so open, even with you. He must have been dreading the day you met his friends if he was this concerned about it.

         Taking his face in your hands, you lifted his head until you can access his mouth. You gently pressed your lips to his, pouring your emotions into the kiss. He sighed softly against your lips, his arms tightening around your waist. You let one hand slide back to tangle in his hair, gently tugging on the strands.

         “I’m not going anywhere,” you promised between kisses. “I love you, Keith. Befriending your friends means I get to spend more time with you and learn more about you. They’re not going to take me from you, I promise.”

         “Dinner is done!” Hunk’s voice called from the kitchen.

         You slid off of Keith’s lap, much to his dismay, and offered him a hand. “Come on, babe. Let’s go eat.”

         He took your hand, lacing your fingers and squeezing softly as he followed you into the kitchen. Chips, cheese, meat, and vegetables decorated the table as a homemade nacho bar for everyone to dig into. Keith’s amethyst eyes danced around the kitchen, landing on an unfamiliar container on the counter.

         “What’s that?” he inquired, turning his gaze to Hunk.

         Hunk grinned. “(y/n) brought it.”

         “It’s your cake,” you replied, shoving a fully-coated nacho into your mouth.

         “You made me a cake?” Keith questioned, his eyes softening as he looked at you.

         “The plan was for us to have a private party after you were done here,” you shrugged. “When Shiro invited me, I figured I might as well bring the cake.”

         Keith dipped his head, pressing a loving kiss to your lips. Lance and Pidge cat-called from somewhere behind you, but Keith didn’t seem to mind. Shiro smiled from behind Keith, shaking his head softly.

           After dinner and cake were thoroughly enjoyed, you followed Keith and his friends to the living room to watch movies. He sat on the couch and you reclaimed your place on his lap, snuggling into his chest. His hands intertwined with yours, his fingertips brushing your knuckles, and you peppered soft kisses to his jaw, reminding him that you were his.

         While everyone was enthralled in the movie, you turned to face your boyfriend. You untangled a hand from his in order to lift it to his face, cupping his cheek. He turned his gaze from the movie to look at you, a soft expression in his eyes that only you were allowed to see. You shifted in his lap, pulling his lips down to yours. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, gently nipping at your lower lip with his teeth. You were tempted to give in until you recalled your company, reluctantly breaking the kiss and settling back against his chest.

         “I’m not going anywhere,” you murmured softly, squeezing his hand as you watched the movie. The kiss he pressed to the side of your head told you that he understood, and while you knew his insecurities wouldn’t be magically washed away, you also knew that he was trying and that was more than enough for you.

[five-rivers]

Three Twilights

Can be considered a loose sequel to Deep Sea Diver (same vibes).

Warnings: Soft body horror, Danny totally ignoring objectively horrifying things

.

.

.

“I was thinking,” started Maddie over breakfast, “we could start observations of that island that came into view last week, the blue one.”

Danny shook his head. “You’ll have to use the Speeder, then,” he said. “I’ve got an errand to run.”

There was a pause as both of Danny’s parents looked at him, confused. He didn’t blame them. Danny rarely went out as a human anymore, and certainly not for anything like errands. Looking like he was still fourteen after all this time made doing anything even remotely official difficult.

But this wasn’t a human errand. “Yeah,” said Danny. “In the Ghost Zone. I’ve got to go to Three Twilights.”

“Where?” asked Jack.

“It’s, um, a city,” said Danny. “Well, three cities, I suppose, depending on how you want to group them. One Realm. On the shores of the Celestial Sea. I’m sure I’ve put it in your files.” Probably a direct copy from his files from before he came clean to them, but still. He stirred his cereal counterclockwise, letting his ice powers chill the milk.

“Yes,” said Maddie, “but there are a lot of places in there. I’m not sure we’ve had a chance to properly look at them all, much less memorize them.”

“Okay, yeah,” said Danny. “I guess that makes sense.”

“What kind of errand are you running, Danno?”

“I’m picking something up for a friend. A book,” he clarified. “They lent it to someone there, but they need it back.”

“A book,” said Maddie. “For the Library of Tongues?”

“No, they’ve got a contract service for overdue loans.”

“Contract service?” asked Jack.

“Yeah. Moonlighting bounty hunters mostly.”

“For a library?”

“I don’t know what to tell you,” said Danny, shrugging. “They’re really serious about their work.”

“If it isn’t for them, who is it for?” asked Maddie. “The princess? Wulf?” Wulf had actually been over a few times, and his parents had… Well, saying they got along would be an overstatement, they didn’t really have anything in common beyond ripping portals in the fabric of the universe, but everyone had been civil. “The boy at the school?”

“No,” said Danny. “Wulf would just get it himself.”

“Who, then?” pressed Maddie.

Danny put a spoonful of cereal in his mouth, delaying. Maddie hadn’t eaten anything since Danny had mentioned the errand. The errand was, in fact, for Clockwork. Danny was always more than happy to do anything for Clockwork. The older ghost had saved him too many times for him to be otherwise. But Jack and Maddie were wary of Clockwork. Danny didn’t get it, but talking about it hadn’t been productive so far.

He didn’t want to lie to his parents. Not ever again.

“It’s for Clockwork,” he said.

Ah, yes, there were those suspicious looks. The ones Danny could have interpreted even without being able to almost literally taste emotions.

“I see,” said Maddie.

“Anyway,” said Danny, quickly, “if I haven’t shown you Three Twilights yet, it’s really cool. I don’t want to take the full rig, but maybe the little ectocam would be okay? The one that I can clip on.”

“Why not the normal camera with an ectofilter?” asked Jack. “That has more features, and it’s easier for us to get data from.”

“Three Twilights. It’s dark there,” said Danny. “It might work in Civila, but not so much in Naŭtika and Astronomia, and I sort of want to go down to the beach and see if I can find any star pearls, and that’s really dark, so if you want to see anything properly, it’ll have to be the sonar setup, which I’m not doing, the noises that thing makes are offensive, or the ectocam.”

“And the Fenton Phones?” asked Maddie.

“Sure,” said Danny. “But I always bring those.”

“Yes,” said Maddie, after a moment. “You do.”

“Great. It’s settled, then.”

.

Most of the journey to Three Twilights could be made by air. Or, rather, what passed for air in the Infinite Realms. But when the rocky edge of an island came into view, Danny touched down. Further in was a blue wood, and Danny walked under its inviting branches.

The atmosphere started sunny, summery. The leaves and needles of the trees were the color of a clear blue sky. But as he got deeper, the leaves were touched with sunset colors: golds, reds, oranges, purples, and pinks. They fell to the ground, crunching beneath Danny’s feet. The sunset grew longer, deeper. The leaves on the trees grew sparser, revealing patches of sky.

By the time only bare branches framed the sky, it was a dusky, dim, purple. A few lonely stars twinkled in the sky.

He passed out of the forest. The city of Civila rose above him. Windows glowed in the near dark like eyes.

Danny had changed, too. His aura had dimmed. The whites of his suit were now dark gray, and patterns swirled on its surface like camouflage, like wind-twisted clouds, like nebulae.

Shadows bled around the corners of the city buildings like ink in water. Will-o-the-wisps bobbed, casting pools of illumination in lieu of streetlamps. Ghosts walked up and down the streets, or floated only a few meters up.

The buildings glittered. Everything was dark, vibrant, colors. A sharp, sweet scent filled the air, something dark and rich beneath it.

The canals in the center of the street were filled with flashing fish. Or perhaps serpents. Or perhaps worms. Between how fast they moved and the dimness of the light, it was difficult to tell.

Danny could feel his irises contracting, shrinking down to needle-thin rings. His teeth were sharp. He matched the other ghosts around him. This was how the Civila liked it, how things were in this part of Three Twilights.

Everything in order. Everything peaceful. Everything civil.

Danny walked through the market square, and bought some charcoal-colored cherry pastries from a vendor who looked like someone’s nightmare demon with a chip of ghost ice.

Much to his parents’ protests. They didn’t care for him eating ghost food.

There were seven bridges to Naŭtika, which was built half underwater and half on boats that floated both on the water and in the air. As the dark waters of the inlet lapped at his feet, Danny felt the changes ripple across his skin. To a human, he would look pure black, except for the faintest glimmer of rim lighting and the stars of his eyes. He and the other ghosts moved silently, cutting through the waters like shadows.

To Danny’s ghostly senses, the place was alive with emotion and force, energy loud and crackling against his senses.

“We’re solely on the ectocam, now,” said Maddie. “You were right about that.”

“Mhm,” said Danny, half distracted by a whispered sea-shanty backed by a choir of not-voices and not-sound that wove together with the mastery of a hundred years of practice.

He glided up a rope net, and began to navigate the ropes to the taller ships. The very tallest, the ones that scraped the ever-darkening sky and blotted out uneven sections of stars, moored the glass-like ships that floated above. He’d need to reach them, to get to Astronomia.

“What’s that?” asked Maddie, breaking his concentration on his path.

“What’s what?” asked Danny, whisper soft, drawing some looks. He turned, slowly, on the spot, planks barely creaking under his steps. A gentle wind ruffled his hair.

“There,” said Maddie. “By the ghost that’s registering red.”

It had taken Danny a long time to learn what color on the ectocam’s artificial sensor signified what, but he had, if only to reduce the guessing when they played this game.

“Star pearls,” said Danny, eyeing the ropes of stone that glimmered brighter than his eyes currently did. They were one of the only reliable forms of light, out on the Celestial Sea, although they were valued for other things, too.

“They’re putting out a massive amount of energy,” said Maddie.

“You mentioned them before,” said Jack. “You wanted to look for some?”

“On the shore,” said Danny. “Out past Astronomia.” He wanted to find his own, rather than buy them.

Partially because they were expensive. He didn’t really want to think about how much unmelting ice he’d have to conjure up to equal one of them. They were usually bartered in exchange for… more significant things.

The ghost by the pearls beckoned him closer, clearly hoping to make a sale. Danny shook his head, broadcasting regret and admiration for his wares. Speech might be faster but, under these circumstances, it would not be polite.

When Danny left, the social rules of Three Twilights would only leave the faintest impression on his mind. But, for now, they were a heavy, but not uncomfortable weight. One he could shrug off if necessary, but which was currently useful.

“What are they?” asked Maddie, as Danny turned away.

“They happen when big enough things fall into stars,” said Danny. “They’re all the memories of what they used to be… and the imagination of what they could become, when the star dies. Well, that’s what they’re supposed to be. I don’t think anyone really knows for sure.”

“And you can just… find these? Lying around?”

“Not… not really,” said Danny, slowly drifting towards a crow’s nest. “It’s like that one national park. That one where you can collect diamonds? You never really find anything good, but you can look.”

“I see,” said Maddie. “So, you don’t expect to find one?”

“Yes and no,” said Danny. “If I don’t expect to find one, I probably won’t. Unless the sea is feeling ironic, which it usually is, apparently. I mean, it’s an ocean and the stars. And prophecy is, like, ninety percent irony, but mostly for an outside observer. Which honestly makes sense, I think. An observer, not an Observant. Those are different things.”

The kind of silence on the other side of the line was the one that emerged when Danny used too much ghost logic.

“Anyway,” he continued as he scaled the crow’s nest and started traversing the glass ropes and chains to the all-but-invisible glass ships, “no, I don’t really expect to.”

The path to Astronomia was a staircase carved from moonstone harvested in October, when the moon was full and orange-red. It burned Danny’s eyes to look at and feet to walk upon. Like many ghosts who fixated on things like astronomy, he adapted quickly and thoroughly to the spiritual dark.

This darkest twilight was built of delicate bubbles, whorls, and arches of glass, any of which could cradle a ghost, all of which could be phased through with impunity. There were no true roads here, but certain places were easier to travel through. Addresses were carved in the glass in glimmering, holographic sigils made from glass-caught starlight that humans would never be able to read, but Danny could understand with a glance. It was not silent in Astronomia, the high wind sung through the glass like the immense instrument it was, playing ethereal and eternal music that mirrored heaven.

As always, Danny was enraptured. Perhaps the stars here were not true stars, only their memory and imagination (or simulacra made from stripped ghost cores, he remembered with a shudder), but he felt so close here.

“Danny? Are you still with us?”

Danny started to reply, but realized he had forgotten, once again, that he had no mouth here.

A phantabulist played a story for a group of not-quite-children, characters made of carefully constructed light chasing each other about with vigour. Danny stopped for a while to watch the story, a parable about spiders and fish. They were common here, storytellers who plied their craft this way. The stories could be pressed into glass prisms and orbs that served as books and viewed even in other environs of the Ghost Zone.

He moved on, passing through a glass bubble full of ghosts that snatched at and stroked him as he passed by, leaving stars and dark clouds to swirl across his skin. His suit had long since smoothed over and sunk in. His skin was a thin surface, a membrane holding in liquid night. He was like smoke, like vapour, thin and easily overlooked.

The places he passed were homes, places of business, warehouses, and hotels, organized without any apparent reason. A phantabularium glowed like a struck match, snatches of story visible inside its walls. He walked by.

Eventually, he reached the palace at the city center.

The ghost who lived there was old. Older, perhaps, than Pandora. She filled the vessels of her palace in placid pools connected by crystalized threads and looping tubes. Seven round-bottom flasks, radiating outward, like the spheres of heaven. The music here was almost deafening.

This was Urania, Muse of Astronomy. Astronomia was her city, and subordinate to her will before all else.

Danny resisted the urge to kneel. He was not here as a supplicant, and they both knew it.

The lowest pool bubbled, and slowly a glass prism, a dodecahedron, floated to the top. Danny took it with careful hands and left Urania’s direct presence as quickly as possible.

Being near her was always difficult. She was the Muse of Astronomy, and she felt he did not indulge his second Obsession as much as was proper.

Indeed, she thought it should be his first.

(The starlight inside him pulsed. He was never sure how much influence Urania could exert on him when he visited Three Twilights, never sure how much the relationship between his passions shifted when he was here. He loved it here too much to stay away forever.)

Astronomia did not end all at once. Instead, as one walked farther from the palace, the delicate, clear glass was replaced by black sand. When Danny had feet again, and could feel the grains beneath them, he knew he was no longer in Astronomia, but on the Shores of Night. The Isles of the Moon were faintly visible in the distance, sea-spray framing them in silvery halos.

He felt human here. His breath moved in his lungs, and his skin rose in goosebumps, the sleeves of his t-shirt fluttering in the wind. The sea and the sky were the same, and twice as beautiful for it.

“Sorry for going silent on you there,” said Danny. “I keep forgetting I don’t have a mouth there.”

“How do you forget that?” asked Jack.

“I don’t know.” Danny shrugged, even though he knew Jack couldn’t see him. “Do you think the ectocam might be able to spot buried star pearls?”