#or feigning ignorance

[megamagimugi]

Cheer up, Mario, at least you got a bigger piece of the apple!

HAPPY FUTURE WIFE HAPPY FUTURE LIFE XD

Working with what you got luigi

[sunderwight]

Bingqiu AU where Luo Binghe's the chosen village sacrifice to the evil deity who lives up the mountain.

Normally the village sends maidens, but they've more or less run out of expendable girls of the right age and, ahem, "virtues". So of course Luo Binghe's early life bad luck kicks in. In the wake of his mother's death there's no one to really care about what happens to him, he's fairly pretty, and the village leaders decide that if they dress him up like a girl the teenaged homeless kid should pass well enough. And hey, y'know, he's probably got a hard life ahead for him anyway -- dying in a brothel of some venereal disease or on the streets of exposure or starvation. At least as a sacrifice, everyone else gets to benefit from his loss! And the kid will get added to a shrine and be remembered as a hero! If anything, he should be happy about this!

Binghe is not happy about this.

But he's also a skinny underfed nobody who is easily overpowered, dressed up like a bride, and tied to a post. So. Not much he can do but wait for the evil deity to come and do whatever horrible thing he's gonna do to him.

Meanwhile, Shen Yuan is pretty sure he's been isekai'd into the over-powered hero of some kind of supernatural adventure story? He's not totally sure because he doesn't recognize the setting, but the signs are there. He's got a shrine-like base of operations (though it seems to have become corrupted/ruined, probably he has to restore it somehow), he has a very resilient and handsome new body with spiritual energy of some kind flowing through him, and a very clearly magical sword. Plus lots of neat starter powers! Though it feels like he has other abilities that have been blocked somehow? Probably he has to level up in order to access them.

When he treks out of his "base" and finds what seems to be a distressed maiden, he takes it for his beginner hero mission. The girl claims that she's been doomed to be sacrificed to an evil god. That sounds a little above Shen Yuan's pay grade for dealing with, so he unties her and decides that they had better just get out of the whole region altogether. He already packed up anything useful from his base, anticipating he might get caught up in an adventure once he left, so they follow the river away from the settlement until they reach another one.

While they travel, Luo Binghe tells Shen Yuan about the cursed deity, Shen Qingqiu, who was cast out of the heavens for slaughtering one of his brethren and has apparently being do-who-knows what to maidens from the local village in exchange for his "protection" ever since. Sounds like a real asshole! And also mid-level boss type bad guy at least. Shen Yuan hopes he doesn't have to fight him, but he probably will.

Thank goodness he found Binghe, though! Clearly the helpful little sister type! He's definitely going to require her assistance if he's going to figure out how to navigate this world and level up his skills enough to take on a god.

[thelastharbinger]

Oh so we're in hell

I literally can't do this again

Edit: Kesha just released a new album titled Gag Order! Go support her and stream the hell out of it!

Edit edit:

SHE'S FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[screaming-sparrow]

"logan is a boomer" this, "logan doesn't know what memes are" that.... logan saw jubilee dab on instagram and called her cringe for it

[stillgotscars]

so trump really said “i have no idea” when asked what his reaction was to taylor endorsing kamala… he literally had one job, that being to express liking her music at least 75% less now so we could get a decent merch discount again

[averycutesalamander]

i have extremely neutral opinions about SMAUs (social media AUs) but i just thought about what Boothill's role would be in one and im kind of losing my mind about it.

his account handle is @.silvergunshura and he literally only posts clumsy nature photos and occasional pics of his gun. a handful of videos that are just the sound of the wilds. never puts any captions or tags on his posts. extremely long unacknowledged absences with no schedule. double-digit amount of followers at an absolute maximum. absolutely no interaction with his audience. or anyone else on the platform actually. quite frankly he doesn't pay any attention to his following in the slightest. bro simply cannot be bothered. for all he cares he is sending these photos to the void and there are no other users on the platform.

and then he posts one (1) video of him at the shooting range nailing bullseyes left and right like it's nothing. barely half of his body is in frame and most of his face is covered by his hair. someone with a decent following shares it and his entire fucking profile EXPLODES because people will NOT stop talking about how hot he is and it kinda snowballs from there. people go through his entire backlog only to find ZERO other posts with his face or body in them. the best they get is little snippets of his arms. people are frothing at the fucking mouth trying to figure out who he is and nobody knows because he literally hasn't said a single word in his entire posting history. people make theory posts, which obviously gets more people invested in this new mystery. his comments are filled with people speculating about who he is and what the fuck he's doing. someone posts a massive spreadsheet detailing all of the identifiable locations in his posts, and they're literally all over the galaxy. immediately afterwards they're cancelled for some vague allegations about them being a shady intelligentsia guild member guilty of multiple human rights violations and everybody completely forgets about the spreadsheet.

Boothill posts a single blurry photo of his hand feeding a chipmunk and people lose their goddamn minds. he follows this up an hour later with a photo of the same chipmunk sitting on his shoulder that is somehow even blurrier than the last and it briefly trends on the front page. a week later he uploads a video of him playing a harmonica by a campfire, once again barely in frame, lit only by the flickering fire. people brighten the video in a desperate attempt to get a better look at his face, but there's nothing identifiable. someone posts a slightly unhinged video examining the tiniest pixels in every screencap of him that they can find, claiming that he's definitely a halovian because of some extremely blurry details, and you technically can't deny it as a possibility because there are no clear shots of where his halo or wings would be. naturally this severely divides fans, and several other theories about his species pop up over the course of a few days. many people are called morons from all sides.

the REAL drama comes when he posts a picture where he's holding what looks suspiciously like an extremely precious meteorite-formed gem that was stolen during a private IPC auction two weeks ago. this post is also notable because it's the first time he's used a caption and it's literally just "lol". naturally people quickly connects the dots and realize that he's BOOTHILL, that crazy motherfucker with the vendetta against the IPC, and why the fuck is he posting nature photos and videos of him feeding birds and shit. silvergunshura fans are instantly divided by discourse about whether or not it's ethical to be a fan. "silvergun fans dni" and "silvergun antis dni" become staples in the bios of people invested in the drama. a bunch of fans start using his substitute swears, and whether or not this is ironic is extremely debatable. the business of cyborg modifications has a moderate boom. anti-IPC sentiments have a notable increase, but now the people doing serious exposés and earnest discussion about the humanitarian crimes of the IPC that are concealed from the public are constantly called simps. there's a brief stint with a handful of Boothill copycat crimes that are all solved within the week.

people unsuccessfully try to hunt down any other potential socials to no avail, but this does spawn a massive wave of fake accounts on a million different platforms, which obviously successfully baits a ton of people. the drama gets even spicier when the moderators shut down his account. one of the mods gets doxxed by an outraged fan. even more fake accounts pop up. Boothill comes back less than a week later as @.silvercowboy244 like nothing happened. his returning post is a crooked picture of a sorta weird looking tree, and he's pointing toward the top left of the frame. the caption is just "bird?" and nobody can figure out what the FUCK that's supposed to mean, because there's no bird visible in the picture, nor is there a bird nest in the tree. conspiracy theories and decoders are immediately chomping at the bit trying to figure out if it has some kind of secret meaning.

tons of people try to use his posts to pinpoint his location for clout or the bounty money or to find him in person and beg him to let them give him head, but he never posts them exactly when they're taken, and nobody can figure out what the fuck logic he's using to pick his next destination. there's an IPC investigation. his accounts keep getting banned but he keeps coming back like a cockroach. dedicated fan archives are made to preserve all of his shitty photos. he never acknowledges any of the drama.

if you're fortunate enough to know Boothill personally and you ask him about all of that weird shit with his socials, he just shrugs and says, "yep, i keep gettin' locked out. can't remember passwords for shirt." if you ask him what he thinks of all the drama surrounding his online presence, he gives you the most bewildered expression you've ever seen on his face. "what the fork are you yappin' about?? what do you mean i got "band" ?? disk horse??? docksing???? i think you've got a few screws loose buddy" and he promptly forgets about the entire ordeal and goes back to posting blurry nature pictures like literally nothing happened.

edit: here's part two-ish lol

[tei-to-tei]

December 16 - Mischievous Activities

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[abusivelittlebunny]

Plsplspls what is the photo you're art is based off of!! (Also your art is so tasty good)

You can just see Charles' brain running a hundred miles an hour seeing their size difference and how fucking dainty he feels in Carlos' hands I mean at this point the fic writes itself. That hand is not only on top of his thigh its reaching in, ready to part his legs manually because Charles was made to be manhandled, he's like a little doll, a fucktoy, a pocket pussy of course he needs to be moved however Carlos wants him-

"You're good there, cariño?" Carlos' chuckle breaks him out of his stupor and he blinks up, breathing deep and eyelashes fluttering like he has just been submerged under water.

"Hm? Ah, y-yeah, yeah, I'm good, completely." He clears his throat, trying to get rid of the embarrassing squeaky quality to it that comes from fantasizing a bit too much, hoping Carlos wouldn't catch on to his dirty thoughts but behind his sweet Labrador smile Charles can make out something... dark. Knowing. Almost as if he personally sprinkled perversion onto his brain like fairy dust.

"Good, aren't you? Good. You are a good boy." One could use the language barrier as an excuse for either of them phrasing things in a silly or even embarrassing manner in English, God knows they both have done so a million times, but the way Carlos' voice dipped low in almost a purr would make anyone halt and gulp. Charles certainly did.

If Carlos' voice and darkened gaze didn't, the squeeze to his thigh certainly made him be on high alert and question the innocence of the situation. It's not like Carlos never touched him before; he was quite touchy on average, always holding Charles by his waist or hips or curling one of those large hands around his nape or bicep or wrist.

Of course it made Charles flustered, he's been wondering what Carlos' dick down his throat would feel like since day 1 but Carlos couldn't have known about the effect he had on him, right? Charles wasn't that obvious. Right?

The large tan hand on his thigh slipped more inwards almost seamlessly as the car took a turn and if Charles thought Carlos would rectify his mistake, he was certainly in for a treat because Carlos instead used his grip to pull him closer, dragging him over as if Charles weighed nothing.

"Why so tense, cariño? I thought you were good? C'mon, baby, relax." Carlos pulled his entire leg over his own, spreading Charles' thighs wide and he had to carefully hide his crotch with his hands to not put the obvious source of his tension on display. Carlos was holding the leg in his lap with both hands now, massaging the inside of his thigh with one, the other stroking his knee as if he was some pet. "Nervous, are you? It's okay, baby, it's been a stressful season. I can help you let loose when we're back in the hotel, hm? Sounds good?"

Oh good God. Charles was not going to survive the journey with a sane mind, and Carlos definitely knew.

[faunandfloraas]

Seeing someone be like you can clearly see seungmins been going to the gym and is getting built and im just here like ??????????????????? are you hallucinating??? Have you had a head injury? Quickly go to the emergency room to get your head checked. With hast.

[that-handsome-rogue]

I want you

To what? Many people want me for different things. You need to be more specific.

[vagueeyes]

Can you use magic to distract from a story? Particularly a story you want to be kept secret.

INSIDE NO. 9 | S5E4 "Misdirection"

[blueberry-puffin]

rip victorians you would have loved the lavender marriage representation in fawx & stallion

[socialitesleuth]

Ehrm… Scott and Virgil are right there for better choices 😬

Better choices? Anon, I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about.

[pageofheartdj]

The worst thing you can do to Alastor is... ignore him. Good attention, bad attention, he'll take it all, he'll make it all work. But ignoring him? Giving him nothing? Not a shred of attention, of acknowledgement? Oh this will drive him nuts!

If Lucifer and Alastor'll get into serious squabble, not their silly arguments, but something that shouldn't cut as deep from where they are now, Lucifer will take everything in his power to ignore Alastor's presence. Which wouldn't be easy with his reactionary nature. And Alastor... usually he just comes and takes what he wants. It worked before. And now... he is denied, and he is not the one to ask.

So they just slowly and painfully wear each other out.

[midnight-blues07]

Mental breakdown

Hehe

[itsafreetrialofdeath]