#or even maintenance in like ten years

[kelp-eaters-united]

crying, wailing, ect

[image ID in alt text]

[alongtidesoflight]

i swear my stepdad is so illogical AND stubborn it hurts

[axe8472]

nothing radicalises a UK university student like reading about the history of tuition + maintenance grants/loans

[seat-safety-switch]

No matter who you are, what your station is in life, we all want the same thing. We're all unified by our desire to get pressure washers. Wait, what were you gonna say?

Life is full of things that get rusty and dirty. Engine blocks. The windows of your house. And we've only got so much time on this little blue marble to be cleaning them. That's why some geniuses at NASA or something came up with the pressure washer. It's like your garden hose, but more kick-ass. Pulling the trigger emits this perfect line of high-zoot water, which causes exciting things to happen to whatever you point it at.

Grit just disappears from the sidewalk. Paint disappears from the fender of your truck because you stood too close to it. You can knock out a day full of cleaning in just under an hour, which leaves you with a lot more free time to fix all the stuff you broke by pointing a 300psi needle of water at it. No power comes without consequence, which just makes us desire that power all the more. I'm built different, you tell the shattered husks of your wife's least-favourite lawn ornament. I'm not troubled by trifling concerns such as this when I wield the strength of ten gods.

Now, I've never bought a pressure washer. If you're reading this, you probably haven't, too. They're very expensive, and they take a lot of maintenance, such as not throwing it in the backyard every winter when you're tired of it. Used ones, you ask? A great idea, except the previous owner also threw it in their backyard, and all the o-rings are cacked. You'll spend a year of weekends just swapping them out, if you can even find them, and you'll never trust your crude hayseed repairs to what is generously considered an improvised backyard bomb enough to use it after that.

Luckily for all of us, there is another option. It's called "use it for a weekend and then return it to the store." Maybe it's noisy, or smells funny, or you just ran out of things to wash after you knocked all the vinyl siding off your house and nearly killed the neighbour. If you feel bad, don't. You're creating valuable jobs at the return desk. Chances are you won't even be the first person to have done it with that particular washer, too. Just wipe the blood off first.

[luveline]

PLEASE IM BEGGING I WILL SELL MY FAMILY FIR THIS

More flirty bombshell reader but Spencer was just let out of prison and now instead of just getting all hot and bothered he flirts back 😼

Love you and your writing pooks 😏😚🫶🏾

love you! fem, 1.1k

This has been the longest eighty four days of your life. Not even three months apart and yet it's felt as long and arduous as three years, and so you do what you must on the day Spencer is released from Milburn; you take your time putting yourself back together, preening and polishing, as pretty as you've ever looked. 

Penelope looks good too, JJ as well. The girls are here to represent, and that's without mentioning Luke's general unbelievable physique. 

You're pissed at being left outside but you can manage. You can cope. You don't think Penelope, bless her huge heart, is going to fight you for Spencer's attention. Not for a good five seconds. What to say first? I miss you, I love you, I'm so fucking sorry I let this happen, that I couldn't do more. 

He appears behind a grate door, Luke at his side. Then the grate is opening, JJ with tears in her eyes behind him, and every idea of what to do goes out the window. 

Your breath catches before he's so much as touched you. 

"Hey," you say. It starts well, ends weak, tears in your eyes as you choke, "hey, handsome." 

"Hey," he says, hugging you with more care than you're expecting. "Oh my god, hey." He lets out a sigh of relief, his face dipping down to press against your shoulder. You feel the familiar curve of his nose and hold your breath to stop from crying.

You let him go a selfish ten seconds later, but Spencer keeps your hand as he hugs Penelope, one-armed. It's awful and selfish and you don't care, you go in for the second hug on tiptoes, arms behind his neck, your mouth pressed as high as you can reach on his face. A mess of lip gloss is left behind when they finally crowbar you off of him long enough to get in the car, and even then you're clinging to his hand, worried someone will take him again, that you won't be able to do a thing about it. 

You wrap your arms around his and hug him on the drive back. You can't stop looking up into his face. Spencer, unflinching, meets you there, his eyes a little glassy, his face sallow but getting better. 

"Missed me?" you ask quietly. You've only so much privacy. 

"So much." 

"Like a hole in the head?" 

Spencer leans down an inch. "No, like, I really missed you." 

"Of course you did, you–" Spencer leans down suddenly and disarms you, his breath warm against your cheek. 

"I what?" he asks, kissing your cheek. 

"You haven't been away from me that long in years," you breathe. 

"It took getting used to," he says agreeably, speaking low, his breath hotter still as he kisses upward. Two kisses, that's all they are, but when he sits straight again you're thrown. 

"But you got used to it?" 

"No," he says, smiling at you like you've made a funny joke rather than thinly veiled insecurity spoken in a desperate attempt to garner some reassurance. 

It was difficult coping with the hurt of his having left you in the dark. You knew he was doing something he shouldn't have been, but you never for a moment imagined this outcome. You worried (deep down, and not for his ears) that he'd met someone new, that he'd grown disinterested in your years of love and life. Of you. Especially as he's matured, which is to say he stopped looking like he was about to walk the stage at New York Fashion week and started dressing sharp as a tack. Your Spencer stayed yours, but he got older, and you did too —you look older. You're still yourself, high maintenance, prideful, sweet, but you're not the same. 

Between the distance that bloomed with his secrecy and his growing maturity, you were caught off guard. And then not long after he was arrested in Mexico and you couldn't get him out no matter what you did, or who you begged for help. 

Spencer brings his hand to your cheek, tilting your head one way slowly, and then the other. There's confidence in his touch that you've felt before, just never to this extent. 

What happened to you? you think. 

"I'm sorry," he says. 

"For what, sweetheart?" you ask, meaning it implicitly. He's your sweetheart. He's everything. You're too high on his return to want an apology. 

"For everything. I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you." 

There's something you can work with. "Oh, you will?"

"I promise." 

Mindful of your friends in the front seats, you press your cheek into his hand, turning your head just enough to touch your lips to his palm. His eyes are dark brown where they meet yours, pupil and iris one and the same. "How?" you murmur. 

Spencer brushes his thumb against your bottom lip. Something in his eyes speaks even as he stays quiet, a light, an amusement, as if to say, I know exactly what you're doing, but it won't work. 

I'm not a saint, you say back with a sheepish smile. You close your eyes and let your head fall into his shoulder. He hugs you close despite the lack of room, his chin landing atop your head gently. "You'll have to try harder," he whispers. 

"Don't know what you mean." 

"Months of missing you and the first thing you do is try to torture me." 

"That's our thing." 

"No, our thing is me worshipping the ground you walk on," he says into your hair, hand squeezing as it roves up your arm, reassuring himself that you're there, that you're real. 

"Like I wouldn't do the same if you'd let me. I would've done anything." He probably can't hear you anymore, your voice a suggestion of sound. "I would've done anything if I thought it would…" get you back to me.

Spencer does you a favour of ignoring you. Later, you know he'll bring it up again. You'll have time, because he's going home. For now he does his best to hold you together in the company of others, always thinking about what you need. "You look so pretty today. Is that for me?" 

"I always look pretty." You haven't felt it lately.

"I know. Maybe it's because I didn't see you for so long… It's like seeing you again for the first time." 

Your chest aches in a strangely nice way. "And how are you coping, handsome?" 

He rests his cheek on your forehead. On paper, you're flirting. In actuality, you're being one hundred percent honest with each other. "I'm not. My blood pressure has gotta be 180 over 110 right now."

"I love it when you talk medical to me." 

"I love you." 

You nose at his suit sleeve ineffectually "I love you." 

[ms-demeanor]

Hey nobody has asked me about this ADHD money management tip and it depends on having at least a tiny bit of flex in your budget but I'm about to spend a frustrating amount of money on flour and I can only do it because of this tip:

Hide cash from yourself like a squirrel.

Use whatever receptacle you'd like, envelopes or a zipper bag or an old wallet, create labels for the stuff you're saving for, and tuck money in there occasionally.

My stash lives in an old wallet with strips of paper around it. It's got dividers for "car registration," "bulk food," "vet visit," and a couple other things.

These are things that I know happen every year or multiple times a year that take more cash than I can easily spare from a single paycheck. If I stick twenty bucks a month in an old wallet it will mean that even if I have to pay late fees, I don't have to put my car registration on a credit card and pay interest on my late fees. If I stick ten bucks a month in an old wallet I can buy 25lbs of flour twice a year. If I can stick a bit more or less cash as it's available into the wallet I can make sure that my twice-annual regular vet visits with senior dog bloodwork and vaccinations aren't going to be too much of a hit to that month's grocery budget.

Like, everyone talks about "put money in savings once a month" or "have an account you don't touch for emergencies" and that can totally work if you can swing it, but I know it's REALLY hard for me to keep from pulling from the "emergency" fund for stuff that's a minor emergency/or is regular maintenance that I should have planned for/etc.

It's much harder for me to pull from the actual cash sitting in a physical room in my house because A) I'll probably forget it and B) that means that I have to think through using those funds in a lot more of a direct way than I would when using a debit card and C) I literally can't access it when I'm out of the house (the emergency fund HAS to be on the card to be accessible, the "i need expensive groceries" money doesn't have to be ready to go at all times and if it is available I know myself and it'll get used before it's expensive grocery time).

Like. If you know you have an expense that you have to pay for every year, hide cash specifically for that expense instead of in a general "expenses" fund because if you're not great with money and you've got an iffy memory you might look at your expenses fund and go "okay my computer crashed and there's five hundred bucks in the fund I can replace it and get back to work, cool" and there goes your car registration and a vet visit. At least if you need to physically grab that cash for an emergency you can make note of what you're going to have a deficit for later in the year.

[twistedpink]

nsfw below the cut! 2 1

The format is Character/Length (in inches)/Bedroom Skill

Rook Hunt - 4 - 6/10

-His only sexual education is very much “Rabbits make more rabbits” but his romance is to die for!!! You won’t even have to ask to be indulged- all you have to do is say yes :)

-Rook is astonishingly well groomed for someone who works on their feet. The spare hours of self care he gets between his beauty sleep and people watching does wonders for any sport-stenches (I mean, unless you’re into that kind of thing). He’s always doing something with the “presentation of his undercarriage”, and isn’t afraid to let you cop a feel in public!

-He’s all about experimentation with your pleasure, and it’s not that he refuses online resources, but isn’t it so much better naturally? Where’s the sense of adventure if some stranger on the internet is telling you where to touch him? After lots, (loads, really) of trial and error, he’s sure you’ll get a sense of rhythm. It’s never too early to start exploring!

Idia Shroud - 7 - 3/10

-Everyone can agree that Idia is too big for his own good. Massive, really- And he hates it. He’s been perma banned from the most comfortable thing on earth! How’s he supposed to enjoy going commando when his tip’s out in the open??

-He does NOT know how to use the monster in his pants, but he’s not objecting to a teacher :) When you first start getting “active” he’s painfully professional about it. No eye contact, no problem! You’ll wear him down eventually, but it’ll take awhile for anything truly intimate,,

-The worst thing about sex with Idia is the need. White-hot and throbbing, but so infrequent!! His libido is SO high, always pawing at you after school, but he can’t hold back for the life of him :/ Ten full minutes of rest for another three of penetration? Oh no, your only option is to overestimate him,, whatever shall he dooooo

Malleus Draconia - 3 - 7/10

-Two words. FUCKIN MARATHONS!! Malleus is comically bad at anything sexual- and you’re the one who has to initiate most things, but he can go hours without any pain between the two of you! And the AFTERCARE?? 10/10. Imagine playing with his scales while you wait on breakfast in bed <333

-Malleus is far too big for any usual quicky spots, but nobody can compete in forced proximity! It’s so easy to drag him into a broom closet between classes- Everyone avoids him anyways, and because he very rarely slouches he has to in the confines of your rendezvous, so it’s a completely new angle!

-He’s a little (lot) inexperienced, but he’s learning so much with your help! Nobody questions that he keeps his nails short or demands chapstick whenever he recalls the time, because nobody questions Malleus Draconia. He’d like very much for you to change that- order him around, kiss him bloody! So long as it’s you he’ll be happy :)

Lilia Vanrouge - 5 - 8/10

-Lilia’s a believer of “it’s the motion of the ocean - not the size of the wave”, and he KNOWS his ass has motion. All these years working on his core and arms only to be reduced to some petty slut :/ It’s all he’s ever wanted!

-Doesn’t bother shaving, nothing on him grows quickly enough for regular maintenance, and that does include his sex drive :( He wakes up sweaty and shaking whenever he ignores his rarer urges, but he’s lucky enough to have you! You’ll indulge him for a little biting, won’t you? Not his fault if you want more,,

-He’s a MASSIVE whiner, but he knows you loveeee it <3 All these years muffling his voice for colleagues and kids, it’s a miracle to have soundproof walls! With his little bouts of energy, you won’t be leaving bed anytime soon- lay back and let him cook for you! Or maybe you’d rather he just eat?

(no full proofread until tmr, we die like Malleanor)

[acosmicbee]

Stable Hand

Aside from watching Horseland close to 10 years ago and briefly taking riding lessons at my local stable, I was/am not a horse girl so hopefully this is accurate enough

Your position in the castle was very clear, make sure the horses were well kept and stay out of the way. That had been your job since you were old enough to learn how to handle the horses. You lived most of the year in part of the hayloft above the barn, only moving into the stable master's home during the winter.

Mister Riley was the stable master, and had served the royal family for a long time, but he was getting old. That was why you had taken over most of the heavy lifting when it came to stable maintenance. However, never before had you directly taken care of any of the royals' horses.

While they had a stableful of mares and stallions, each royal had their preferred horses that Mister Riley directly took care of. However this morning his cough had gotten worse so you'd promised to take care of everything for him as long as he went to the doctors. 

You'd spent all morning grooming the horses and were in the middle of polishing the crown prince's saddle when he walked in. He looked around as if expecting Mister Riley and seemed confused when he only saw you.

"A child? What are you doing with my saddle?! Where is the stable master?!" He demanded. 

"Greetings to the crown prince. Mister Riley isn't feeling well so I'm taking over his duties today." You explained. "Shall I get your horse ready for you, your highness?"

The prince nodded and you ran to get the bridle and reins. His horse was a little arrogant and spoiled but let you tack it up relatively easily. The prince gave you a once over and a sneer before elegantly climbing atop his horse and riding off into the fields.

It was a bit rude but you weren't expecting much else from a royal. You returned to your duties without giving it much more thought, hoping Mister Riley was okay.

˚˖°.𓃗⊹ ࣪ ˖

According to the doctor, Mister Riley wasn't well enough to work for the next week, which meant you saw a lot more of the crown prince than you wanted to. He would stop by at the same time every day, early afternoon. Each day he would bring a treat for his horse before either leaving or going riding. Each day he kept giving you an extreme side eye that made it uncomfortable to work.

One day while you were mucking out a stall while he watched, he finally talked to you.

"How old are you?" You had just finished replacing the old hay when he sprung the question on you.

"Excuse me?" You asked, wiping your forehead with your sleeve. The stables were hot, but you were used to it.

"I asked how old you are. You seem too young to be employed anywhere." The prince's voice was harsh and very judgemental. You leaned your rake against the stall.

"I'm nine, almost ten, your highness." You answered.

"You're barely younger than Ash! You can't seriously enjoy this." You were a little taken aback at being compared to the youngest prince but kept your composure as he gestured around at the stables and then at you. Sure, your outfit was a little dirty and you had some stray pieces of straw in your hair but you didn't see any problem. It was normal for you.

"I find it plenty enjoyable, your highness. I really like animals and I enjoy being around them all day." The prince didn't seem to believe you, but at least he stopped side eyeing you. You sighed with relief when he left, finally able to finish the rest of your chores in relative peace and quiet.

˚˖°.𓃗⊹ ࣪ ˖

"You always do an amazing job, Y/N. Soon you'll be better at this then I am." Mister Riley said. He was sitting in a chair, watching you work. Even though he claimed to feel better, he was too pale for your liking so you made him sit to the side. 

"I could never, Mister Riley! You taught me everything after all." You answered, brushing out one of the horses' coat. It was starting to get a little cooler as summer came to a close. 

"Are you sure about that? I received a message this morning from the crown prince." You perked up, wondering what the crown prince would reach out to Mister Riley for regarding you. "He said that he wants you to continue taking care of his horse and his riding gear for the foreseeable future." 

As you returned to brushing the horse your mind began to wander. What would make the crown prince so insistent that you work on his horse instead of Mister Riley? He was the more experienced one out of the two of you and had been working with the prince's horse for longer.

You frowned as a feeling in your gut told you that things would only go downhill from here.

˚˖°.𓃗⊹ ࣪ ˖

Since you'd been tasked with caring for the crown prince's horse, you'd started to see him around a lot more. A lot of times he would just sit to the side and watch you work, which had slowly become less unsettling.

He wasn't hostile or rude to you anymore, even if it took him a while to actually warm up. You, begrudgingly, started to find some comfort in his company, even if you'd never admit it. The last thing you needed was for the king and queen to find out the prince was getting distracted from his duties by a stable hand. While the prince might have grown to like you at least a little bit, the king and queen were infamously short tempered.

Something you realized your princess had inherited after she broke the peaceful silence one day.

It had started out a normal day. You had done your chores before starting to personally care for the prince's horse. You were midway through brushing the fine stallion when the prince had shown up with two apples. He placed one of them on the small table you only kept clean for him. The other he bit into as he sat down and watched you work.

The two of you began to talk a little, joking and telling stories. It was almost something you waited for now that Master Riley was unable to come with you to the stable most days. It made you feel less alone.

You'd just finished brushing the horse and the prince had just finished his apple. You were about to go get the bucket of feed when the stable doors slammed open. You dropped the brush, startled at the amount of force used. You could hear some of the horses getting spooked and bucking in their stalls. 

"Gaston! You useless cowardly brute!" You peeked around the corner of the stall in time to watch the princess stride up to the crown prince, fuming. She was holding something in one of her hands that she thrust into his face.

"I know it was you! You broke it and then you came out here to hide!" She hissed. The crown prince seemed apathetic and uninterested until she smacked his spare apple off the table. It hit the wall with a dull thud and instantly his calm demeanor melted away into one of anger.

"I didn't break your stupid hairpin." He spat, glaring down at her. "But you can bet that I will break every single stupid hairpin of yours-!"

"Hairpin?" Suddenly all eyes were on you and you felt yourself blanch.

"Who is that?!" The princess demanded. The prince rolled his eyes but gestured you out of your hiding place.

"This is Y/N. The stable hand." The prince introduced. You bowed in greeting to the princess who brushed you off with an eye roll. Now that you were closer you could see the issue the princess was talking about. A pretty fabric flower that looked to be originally attached with golden thread had fallen off the cloth body of the hairpin, the stitches had likely come loose.

"I could fix it, your highness." You said, gesturing to the hairpin. The princess opened her mouth but the crown prince snatched the hairpin before she could say anything, thrusting it into your hands.

"You have five minutes." The princess eventually said. Her voice was cold and you ran off into the side room to fetch a needle and some thread.

˚˖°.𓃗⊹ ࣪ ˖

A very stressful five minutes later and you emerged from the backroom holding out the repaired hairpin. The princess looked it over before accepting it with a huff.

"What is a child doing as a stable hand anyway?" She eventually bit out. Your face scrunched up in annoyance as you finally grabbed the bucket of feed for the prince's stallion and returned to your duties. Why did everyone have to ask that? Nine was a perfectly reasonable age!

"They help to assist the stable master." The prince answered, heading for the stable doors. The princess followed behind him and you could hear the two bickering until they were out of sight. You shared a look of exasperation with the prince's stallion before you continued feeding the rest of the horses.

What a weird day...

˚˖°.𓃗⊹ ࣪ ˖

Summer had gone and now that fall was slipping away, it was starting to get colder. This was probably your least favorite part of the job. Many years ago, before you ever started caring for the horses, one of the Queen's favorite mares had passed away from delivering a foal at night. All of the stable hands at the time had been sleeping in their assigned servant's quarters in the palace.

Every single stable hand had been executed and ever since then it was mandatory for a person to be in the stable at all times. Because of that, your normal bedroom was in the small hayloft above the main stable.

Typically, Mister Riley was the one who would sleep in the stables in the winter, but this year you refused to let him. His cough had been getting worse and there were some days he couldn't even get out of bed. So for once, you never left your bed in the hayloft. It wasn't the warmest place, even if Mister Riley gave you a plethora of blankets before he let you sleep there.

On top of that, you had to make sure the fireplace in the main stable didn't run out of firewood throughout the night. Both things meant that you had become very sleep deprived as the winter went on. It wouldn't have been as big of a deal if you didn't have to spare energy doing extra things like holding conversations. Unfortunately, even the cold weather didn't scare off your new regulars.

Now you were busy juggling the crown prince and princess as well as more duties than ever. On top of that, the youngest prince, Ash, had won a brand new stallion at a horse race that needed to be trained.

You found yourself rushing around a lot. You barely had time to sit down and eat lunch or breakfast. Most of the time you were too tired for dinner and would just collapse into bed. You ended up living off the pieces of fruit or leftover lunch the royals would 'subtly' leave for you.

You'd fall into bed every evening only to force yourself awake a couple of hours later to run outside to lug in more firewood. The exhaustion was mounting and mounting by the day.

Then, everything had gone wrong during the first snow of the season.

You were shivering as you worked, despite the heat of the fireplace on your back. You brushed the horse in front of you, spacing out until the stable door opened and closed. You shook your head, dropping the brush and rubbing your arms.

"Stable hand!" It was the princess. She usually only visited you around late morning, before the crown prince came. Was it that late already?

You peeked out of the stall, stumbling over to where she stood by the stable doors. She was wearing a fur lined shawl that looked really warm. You yawned, your mind drifting. Maybe you should buy a shawl... a nice warm one... Hm warm...

"You don't look good." She said, removing a stylish glove to lay her hand against her forehead. Her palm felt like ice and made you flinch back for a second before leaning into it. Her cool fingers dulled a nagging pain that reverberated through your skull. You could hardly hear her gasp as black spots filled your vision.

Maybe... maybe a quick nap would be alright...

˚˖°.𓃗⊹ ࣪ ˖

"They aren't going to die if you look away." A voice said from the doorway. Gaston, the normally arrogant and prideful crown prince, looked up from your bedside. He had resigned himself to sitting beside you until you woke again.

Your bout of sickness and sudden fainting had scared his sister, Adela, into a foul mood. She was probably off somewhere, torturing her handmaids or guards. He had to be there for you, you had no one else. He had to be a good big brother to you.

Standing in the doorway, holding a few books, was the youngest prince. Prince Ash, who was only a bit older than you, stared down his older brother. He sighed, entering the room, eyeing your sleeping form warily.

"Why are you so hung up over a commoner anyway?" He murmured, setting his books down on your bedside. Before Gaston could answer he interrupted. "Go. Eat something and take a bath. You stink. I'll take up your post."

The two had a silent stare down between each other which Gaston lost. He practically darted from the room, probably hoping to return quickly. It seemed rather silly to Ash, to be so concerned over someone who wasn't even related to you. Maybe you had cast a spell over his older siblings.

At least it made things more interesting...

˚˖°.𓃗⊹ ࣪ ˖

Ash could hear you murmuring before your eyes opened. You were still with fever, despite the cool towel resting on your forehead. You murmured a little to yourself, none of it making much sense.

"Don't try and get up." He ordered when he saw you moving. It seemed you'd finally registered his presence there, staring at him with wide, hazy eyes.

"Who... are you?" You slowly asked. Your voice was a little rough and nasally sounding from your sickness. Ash found himself thinking that it was probably a soothing and soft voice when you were well. Looking into your eyes, so open and trusting, he could see what his siblings had fallen in love with about you.

"I am your big brother, Ash." He answered, setting aside his book. He reached for the towel on your forehead, rewetting it in the cool basin of water nearby before replacing it. 

If you hadn't been so sick, if your mind hadn't been so fuzzy, you would've questioned it. Instead you just felt a rush of happiness that someone cared enough about you to take care of you. You started to drift off again, feeling safe and warm.

"Thank you... big brother."

Ash grinned, gently taking your hand. A new baby sibling would definitely make things more interesting. The only remaining hurdle was his parents, the ruthless king and queen. But even the mighty could fall far when faced with something so... lovely.

˚˖°.𓃗⊹ ࣪ ˖

Queen Adrianna and King Fergus were known to be strict rulers. Those who broke the laws were evaluated and then punished. There was no such thing as 'mercy' to them. That was how it always had been.

To their children, Gaston, Adela and Ash, they had always shown a softer side. They tried their best to make up for their unavailability through special one-on-one time and hand picked gifts. Despite their busy schedules, they still knew all of their children very well. That's why it was so easy to pick up on a sudden shift in behavior in all three children.

Their carefree, bickering children had gone quiet. They were more jumpy now and on the edge of their seats. They would disappear for hours on end and each time they returned they would whisper to one another. Gaston was always quiet. Adela was always angry. Ash was always smirking. 

Eventually, they both decided that they needed to see what was going on. Hopefully, whatever their children were hiding, because of course they knew they were hiding something, was safe. 

˚˖°.𓃗⊹ ࣪ ˖

His children were a lot less stealthy then they thought they were, King Fergus decided. He'd narrowed down where they'd been running away to, a guest room in the west wing. The west wing was hardly ever used during the winter as it was purely for guest suites. 

Currently, all three of them were with their mother for a mandatory lunch together. She was tasked with distracting them for at least 15 minutes so he could see exactly what was up. 

It was behind an unassuming door that he discovered you. A child, eyes hazy with fever, laying delicately among the fine sheets. It was clear you were someone precious to his children, though he had no idea who you were. 

Your eyes seemed to accept him as just another part of the room. It wasn't until he removed the cooling cloth from your forehead did you realize it wasn't some hallucination from a fever dream. He placed a gentle hand on your forehead, frowning as he felt how high your fever was.

While he loved his children, they weren't always the smartest. If they had just told him he could've called a physician for you. Who knows how long you'd been sick for already?

You let out a groan when he picked you up. He could tell you were shivering under the too big clothes you were wearing. In fact, he recognized them as an old pair of nightclothes Ash had outgrown.

While the guest suites had nice beds, they were made for the summer in particular. There was only a small fireplace and no heavy blankets.

Fergus had to admit that when you gently gripped onto his shirt, looking up at him with those hazy eyes, he fell in love with you. You just seemed to be the sweetest little child he'd ever met. He loved his children, but none of them had ever been this sweet. Adela had her mother's temper and was always picking fights. Gaston could be arrogant and prideful. Ash preferred solitude and hardly ever left the palace library. 

None of them had ever sought him for comfort like you did now.

He heard the door to the room open, but instead of one of his children, Adrianna walked in. She instantly came over, looking over your shivering figure. 

"A child?" She asked. "They don't seem to be doing too well."

"My thoughts exactly. I was going to move them to the east wing and call for a physician. We need to talk to the children about this though." Fergus said. Adrianna sighed, shaking her head fondly.

"Those kids... I'll wait for them here. You go bring them somewhere they'll actually recover."

Fergus nodded, carrying you away towards the east wing. The family wing.

˚˖°.𓃗⊹ ࣪ ˖

Adrianna sighed as she gently ran a hand down your face. Fergus was outside, talking to the children while they all awaited the physician. 

Every time her cool fingers brushed against your forehead you let out the cutest little noises. You were barely awake now that you were thoroughly warm. She smiled as she brushed some hair away from your face.

She could see why they had all become so enamored with you. There was just something about you, an enticing pull. Once the physician got here, maybe it wouldn't be too bad to suggest you staying with them for the foreseeable future...

˚˖°.𓃗⊹ ࣪ ˖

Consciousness came back to you in waves. You would wake up enough for someone to help you drink water or carry you to the restroom before you would drift off again. Despite that, you remembered flashes of things, here and there.

You remembered fingers playing with your hair. You remembered soothing words as someone replaced the cool towel on your forehead. You remembered being carried in sturdy arms. You remembered someone reading to you. You remembered someone gently feeding you some soup.

Your body felt like lead when you finally woke up. Your mind was still a little fuzzy, but you felt better by a lot. The room you were in was unfamiliar, clearly not your little alcove above the stable. 

The stables! You shot up, accidentally causing a coughing fit as you clutched your chest. It hurt to sit up and it hurt to cough. Just how long had you been sick for? And where exactly were you? You set the cool towel, which had fallen into your lap, into the bowl of water on the nightstand.

You stumbled as your feet hit the floor. When was the last time you had walked anywhere? Looking around the room, it seemed whoever had been caring for you would return soon. There was a fire gently crackling in the fireplace and a book was gently laid on a comfortable looking chair. 

You stumbled over to the window, drawing back the thick velvet curtain. Outside you could see the last bit of sunset, or the start of sunrise, as the sky was mostly dark. A sudden rush of black spots in your vision had you feeling sick and lightheaded. You leaned on the windowsill as your legs gave out, your forehead pressed into the cool glass as you tried to breathe.

You couldn't make yourself move when the door opened, or when you heard a sharp gasp. Instead you let the person gently pull you into their arms and carry you back to the bed. Your vision was flickering in and out of focus as your breathing became labored.

"You should've stayed in bed." A familiar voice scolded. The cool towel was placed back on your forehead.

"Your highness?" You whispered. Your throat felt like sandpaper when you talked.

"Shush. Just call me Gaston. Or, better yet, don't talk at all." He says, taking the chair at your bedside. 

"What-?"

"You're awake!" You could barely make out the princess, standing in the doorway along with a maid holding a tea tray. "Gaston you idiot! Why didn't you tell me they were awake?!"

"Obviously because they just woke up Adela. Be a dear and fetch mother and father, yes?"

"Why don't you do it? You got to be with them the longest!" It was clear the two were about to start arguing again.

"Both of you are idiots." A new voice stated. The youngest prince, Ash, has pushed past the princess with the king and queen appearing behind him in the doorway. 

"Whats going on?" You whispered. You were overwhelmed and very confused. Why was the entire royal family looking at you like you were some kind of precious jewel? Where was Mister Riley? Who was looking after the horses? "I- I need to-!"

"Oh no dear. You don't need to do anything." The queen said, a gentle smile on her face. She motioned for the maid to set the tray on the bedside before she was dismissed. "Ash, Gaston, Adela. Could you three go get the bowl of broth I asked for from the kitchens? I think me and your father should talk to them really quick."

It took some grumbling before she convinced the siblings to leave. The quiet that followed might've been peaceful if you weren't so anxious and disoriented.

"Lionel Riley, the stable master, has decided to officially retire due to his declining health. Although, he had a lot of good things to say about you and your work... despite your age." The king started, though his face fell when he mentioned how old you were.

"Yes. I don't think the horses have ever looked better. Don't worry about them, we brought in some outside help while waiting for your recovery." The queen assured you. "Although that does beg the question of how exactly you did end up here. Especially with how young you are."

You could only manage a shrug, weakly explaining in as few words as possible. You had no parents, just Mister Riley. He always said he found you, abandoned, when you were a toddler. When he asked around, no one had known your parents, so he'd kept you.

"We thought as much. However, with his retirement we've been discussion alternative placements for you. That is why we'd like to offer you a more... formal role in the palace. Ah, don't speak. Just listen." The queen said. "Instead of being in the stables all day, you could join us, here, as another member of our family."

You stopped breathing. Your eyes were wide as your mind tried to grapple with what was being offered to you. You, the stable hand who just wanted to enjoy your days with the horses, was being offered royalty? 

"You don't need to say anything. Just nod 'yes'. That's all we need, sweetheart." The king said, smiling at you warmly. "All you need to do is nod yes and you'll be taken care of, provided for, for the rest of your life. You'll have siblings who adore you, parents who love you. Everything you've ever wanted will be right at the tip of your fingers. Just nod yes."

You made a small noise, your eyes darting around. You never nodded, you never said yes, but you saw the way their eyes lit up as they took that as a yes.

They liked to remind you that you were the one that agreed, even if you never did. You were the one that agreed to their love, to their possessiveness and over protectiveness. It was all you, it was all your fault. It was all your own choice. You locked your own cage. You sealed your own fate. Now, you were paying the price.

[roanofarcc]

WHAT IS THIS FEELING?

pairing: yelena belova x fem!reader

summary:  yelena puts on a tough front, but it always crumbles when it comes to you.

warnings: mentions of injured reader (nothing graphic), yelena's pov, confused feelings, fluff!

word count. 770 || masterlist

It took a lot for Yelena to feel like she was in a dire situation. She was almost certain she could look the end of the world in the face and hardly flinch. It was what she was trained for since she was little; problem solve, never react. That notion was too hard-wired in her brain to remove, no matter how many years she had been out of the Red Room. 

However, Yelena’s defenses had cracks. That was an unfortunate part of being human. And when she felt, it was never small, only big, complicated emotions that sent her into a tailspin. 

You were a soft spot for her; the tender part of her heart that never seemed to stop aching. Friends. That’s what you two called yourselves. Yelena was sure you believed that, but she knew it ran deeper for her. She wanted not to care as much, to treat you as she did the other odd collection of people she let linger in her life, but whenever she was around you, she felt different. That was the only way she could describe it: different. Not bad different, but she wasn’t certain it was good either. The only thing she knew was that it was frustrating. 

It was frustrating how her heart nearly stopped when you called her from the hospital, and how she felt genuine panic as she sped through traffic, violating nearly every law of the road just to reach you. There was a pain in her chest that was so troublesome she would have admitted herself if she hadn’t needed to see you with such urgency. 

You were fine; she heard so herself in your own words through the phone, but it did little to ease her worry. She nearly fell into your hospital room, tripping over her feet, unlike the goddamn assassin she was. 

You were upright in the bed, sheepishly smiling as you cradled your arm nestled in a sling. Other than the plaster cast and a scratch along your cheekbone, you looked fine. 

Yelena felt both relief and anger flood her veins, another confusing cocktail of feelings to swallow. 

An accident, you had explained. A simple collision that left you with a fractured arm and in need of serious car maintenance. It was such a simple, human, thing. A minor car accident, not an alien invasion or government corruption. Yet, Yelena felt as if you had told her a truly terrible thing happened.  You were hurt, even if your injuries were minor. 

She would have tracked down the idiot who hit you if you hadn’t looked at her with a slight tilt of your head and asked her to take you home in a voice that melted like honey in Yelena’s brain. Instead of vengeance or some threatening of a civilian, she took you away from the sterile hospital room to your apartment. 

The place was so comforting, so you, that Yelena often found an excuse to stay longer. If you minded her presence, you never mentioned it. You simply offered her the couch or the left side of your bed and never seemed to find it pathetic that she woke up with her head tucked in the crook of your neck or arm tossed across your stomach. The big, bad former Black Window wished every time that the world would freeze, and she could stay like that for a little while longer. 

That night was no different. Yelena volunteered to help you out due to your temporary restricted arm usage, and you were quick to agree. She asked almost every ten minutes if it hurt, attempted to cook you dinner - which ended up being boxed mac and cheese that she was awfully proud of - and wrapped you in blankets like you were at risk of toppling over and breaking. 

Though she didn’t say it out loud, she was scared of that. The world was a dangerous place and her presence in your life didn’t make it any safer. She had a past and present littered with red. You hardly seemed bothered by that, though. Even in the wake of a fractured bone in your arm, you had the same soft smile on your face as Yelena made herself comfortable opposite of you on the couch. 

She prayed you didn’t notice the light blush that spread across her cheeks when you stretched out, resting your head on her lap as a yawn fell from your lips. Her fingers trembled slightly as she lowered her hand to your head, threading her fingers through your hair. You hummed, content, and she started to relax. 

[jflemings]

emily fox + 13) finding a stranger to kiss as the ball drops

— kissing strangers

emily fox x reader

ficlet

from the new years prompts

you tuck your nose further into your scarf to fight the cold pinching at your nose, the navy blue garment providing some warmth to your cold-bitten face.

beside you, your best childhood friend grips your fingers tighter. she had decided to accompany you to new york for the new year after you and your ex split, insisting that it wasn’t worth to waste a trip you paid for.

she never liked your ex girlfriend. said she was too high maintenance, that she looked down her nose at everyone with a kind enough smile to get away with it. always told you that she had wandering eyes, even if you were too blind to see it.

and well. yeah. sometimes you hated when she was right. had since you were kids.

her mother joked that she could sniff out a bitch like a dog sniffs out a bomb.

now though, she knocks your shoulders together and smiles big. her eyes crinkling and twinkling under the lights of times square, her cheeks pink with winter “if you’re looking at me the whole time, how are you going to find a hot stranger to kiss?”

“you’re looking at me” you roll your eyes but avert your gaze to the crowd around you anyway. it’s a stupid bet, really, and one she’s made with you in an attempt to broaden your horizons when it comes to people you’re romantically interested in.

she’s managed to find a nice enough looking guy. tall-ish, brown eyes, brown hair that kinda swoops across his forehead. he’s got an accent — from what you can hear. she keeps a tight grip on your hand as she bats her eyelashes in a way that’s definitely going to get her what she wants.

your eyes fall to a wine red coat and a head of brown hair, sharp features and light eyes. the couple that she seems to be with is caught up in themselves, leaning in close to whisper in eachother’s ears and giggle quietly.

her smile doesn’t reach her eyes until she sees you. going from something small to something that makes her eyes squint slightly, making the apples of her cheeks pop. you nod back towards your friend and roll your eyes playfully ‘look at us. in the same boat’.

the stranger returns your gesture and steps closer towards you “couples, right?” she says lightheartedly.

“these two are strangers actually. she’s making good on a bet we made”

the countdown starts.

TEN

“a bet? what kind of bet”

NINE

“whoever kisses a stranger at midnight gets a hundred bucks and bragging rights” you shrug.

EIGHT

she tilts her head curiously “and what about you? got a stranger to kiss?”

SEVEN

“er. no, actually”

SIX

her fingers graze your arm “can’t have that, can we?”

FIVE

“no, i guess not” you say back, turning away from your friend, eyebrows raised and cheeks pink in a way that’s not from the cold.

FOUR

“you wanna be a hundred dollars richer?”

THREE

your mouth runs dry “you gonna help me?”

TWO

“if you want”

you want. so badly you want.

ONE

your hands grasp her face delicately and you briefly register how warm her skin is under your fingertips. you don’t waste time — not when this pretty stranger has given you an opportunity.

she slides her hand around the back of your neck, cupping the base of your skull as she draws you in. you can taste coconut on her lips as she kisses you — sweetly at first, before running her tongue along your bottom lip — the flavour intoxicating and addicting. you didn’t even really like coconut before this.

the confetti drops whilst you kiss her, the feeling of her lips on yours drowning out the noise and excitement of the crowd around you. your hands on her jaw pull her in further, allowing her to deepen the kiss even more. her hair tickles your cheeks where it’s fallen over her shoulders.

when you part, she smiles at you and swipes her thumb over your bottom lip, pulling slightly before resting her hand on your face.

“i’m emily” she says as the confetti falls around the two of you.

“y/n”

HAPPY NEW YEAR

[fishyvamp]

18+ NSFW MDNI mind the tags

You whimpered as the S.C.R.E.A.M unit pinned you down. It's gears whirling and whining as it ground into you. It was strange in how it was like it was seeking gratification in a sexual way. Rubbing where it's dick would be against the curve of your ass. You clenched your fist, teeth gritted heavily, the scent of fresh oil you had just applied to it's joints in the air of the workshop. This must've been some sick joke someone was playing on you. Maybe some kind of hazing ritual to welcome the new technician.

"You got a boyfriend?" The bot seemed to tease. It's icy mechanical hand pressing against your throat pulling you flush against it's cold frame. The coveralls you wore doing very little to protect you. You could feel a scream building in your throat as none of this made sense. It had walked in of it's own free will, or at least the equivalent of free will for a android, requesting maintenance and when you had finished diagnosis everything was clear; No anomalies, not even signs of code tampering, yet when the bot was turned back on it began behaving unnaturally. All you knew for sure is If you made it out of this alive you will be looking through its code piece by piece to find out who tampered with your unit. Surely there would be a digital signature in there. Something to indicate who last touched the code.

"Stop!" You screamed out feeling it's other hand beginning to palm the front of your pants, "initiate command slash S!" The kill phrase coming out desperate the bolder it got practically crushing you against the table; it's hips picking up speed. Before stuttering to a stop, grip loosening just enough for you to slide out; breathing heavily you clutched your chest looking up at the machine that had you caged just moment ago. The fact that it didn't halt right away felt a bit unnerving but the nightmare was over. Clawing at the rough sandpaper like carpet you moved into the light of your dimly lit office. It felt like an eternity as you begged yourself to calm down long enough to plug in the diagnostic computer.

Your eyes shut tightly, you count backwards from ten, listening to the clicks and beeps as it dug whatever info it could, name after name appearing on the screen before you. The unit behaved too purposely to be a true malfunction. Your eyes darting across the screen, the only name catching your eye was that of Danny Johnson. You had to think on why that name sounded familiar despite no one currently working in your shop with that name. Who was Danny? Maybe it was a placeholder name?

It wouldn't be till later that you'd realize Danny was the name of the technician who was killed by a S.C.R.E.A.M unit a year earlier, that in of itself would explain the name, thinking maybe someone in your shop got ahold of his old login information to prank you... It wasn't unusual for the company to not care about removing the permissions of the dead. At least that was until discovering that Danny was the only deceased employee to have their profile completely removed from the system. Even his past work history and general employee file was completely null, as if he never existed. Not even old logs were accessible.

You know he was real the older employees talked about how sweet he was, how he could charm the pants off just about anyone. Well loved and respected, but he didn't exist according to the system. So how the hell did someone use Danny Johnson's information to modify code? Danny doesn't have authorization. Danny shouldn't be able to modify code. Danny technically doesn't exist. So why does it say "Danny wants you"?

[novella-november]

Opened Reddit by accident while trying to type in a bands youtube channel and saw this:

https://www.reddit.com/r/ChatGPT/comments/1guhsm4/well_this_is_it_boys_i_was_just_informed_from_my/

Well this is it boys. I was just informed from my boss and HR that my entire profession is being automated away. For context I work production in local news. Recently there’s been developments in AI driven systems that can do 100% of the production side of things which is, direct, audio operate, and graphic operate -all of those jobs are all now gone in one swoop. This has apparently been developed by the company Q ai. For the last decade I’ve worked in local news and have garnered skills I thought I would be able to take with me until my retirement, now at almost 30 years old, all of those job opportunities for me are gone in an instant. The only person that’s keeping their job is my manager, who will overlook the system and do maintenance if needed. That’s 20 jobs lost and 0 gained for our station. We were informed we are going to be the first station to implement this under our company. This means that as of now our entire production staff in our news station is being let go. Once the system is implemented and running smoothly then this system is going to be implemented nationwide (effectively eliminating tens of thousands of jobs.) There are going to be 0 new jobs built off of this AI platform. There are people I work with in their 50’s, single, no college education, no family, and no other place to land a job once this kicks in. I have no idea what’s going to happen to them. This is it guys. This is what our future with AI looks like. This isn’t creating any new jobs this is knocking out entire industry level jobs without replacing them.

Don't ever let any AI-supporters try to claim that AI will 'never make people lose their jobs!' because it's already been happening before this, and now this thread is full of stories of people talking about people being laid off from jobs they'd worked for 40 years to be replaced by AI :/

*this* is why it is so important to not tolerate generative AI, even when it's "just a joke" or "for a meme" I'm just eternally greatful that Tumblr hasn't been completely swarmed with AI generated images the way facebook has...

[silkenwinger]

scarless moons

previous. second part of reunited childhood friends now neighbours. ghost POV. 3.3k. more to come. cw for smoking and discussion of violence

He finally managed to fall asleep. 

Being off duty was shite, but still better than other places. He didn’t look forward to it usually, his person more suited to action and killing than living in proper society, but when his knee popped there was no other option than to abandon his teammates for some months. Allegedly. So the base doctor said, and when he opposed, he got fucking threatened by Price to stay home or else he’d forcibly send him. 

The house he lived in now was a high-rise flat with drab walls and humid rooms. The landlord had told him he could do whatever he wanted to the house, his voice thin and shaky, but Ghost had no interest in decorating or finer details. All he needed was a bed, a kitchen, and a tv to watch the footy on, beer on his side. He never had a need for something more, but he supposed his house was a fright to anyone who might have walked in. Not that there was any chance of that occurring. He never had the right touch for women, and if the lads ever reunited, it was at Price’s home.

He was doing nothing for most of the time. The first weeks, his knee was giving him problems still, and he only left the house to get groceries, almost throwing the crutch into the street a couple of times. Then he got better, but he still couldn’t work out, and had to start physio. His doctor was the silent type as well, and their lessons were spent in silence besides the occasional order to move or change exercise.

He used to struggle getting to sleep. Sleeping two, three hours a night, Soap complaining when he was more cranky than usual the morning after, one hour tonite LT? Need some help? But he’d sleep. Now, he was pulling all-nighters like an overexcited teenager, body unsated by the boredom. Melatonin tablets did nothing to his burly body, the small pills going down like candy. 

He tried a different approach. He did everything Gaz recommended: light up a candle (Get one with little to no smell, sir), took a long hot shower, turned off the TV and read a book for the first time in some years, the words flowing slowly at first and then faster, dragging him into the story for a few minutes before he would feel the wet, imaginary drag of blood on his chest. He was used to the feeling, and he’d slept through that too. So, when he finally felt his eyelids drooping, he stood up, turned the candle off, and bundled in bed on his back, as still as the dead. Sleep took over him, for once, nightmare less.

All of the sudden he heard a sound. He didn’t jolt upright, but instead he woke up even groggier than usual, his knee hurting. At the second instance of the sound, he recognised it as the doorbell, and he turned in bed briefly before sitting up. His knee was screaming at him, he hushed it. Dragging his eyes to the nightstand, he was shocked to see it was eleven am. He hadn’t slept up that late and for so long in decades.

He walked to the door, leaning his weight on the good knee. High chances it was a maintenance worker, or his landlord coming to bother him about changing the boiler. Only one way to see it. He put on the surgical black mask he always kept by the door and opened it.

He could see his own surprise reflected in your eyes. At first, he couldn’t place the face of the woman in front of him. It took him about ten seconds, while you’d already introduced yourself, stuttering a bit, explained the reason for you being there, and held out your hand to shake. He looked down. And then he looked up again. Your arm was still stretched out, fingers now slightly trembling, and he didn’t know if it was because of him or your general anxiety. Of course the name wasn’t new to him. He’d known you. So many years before, it could hardly be called his life still. The sight of you in the flesh was so unexpected, he could have sworn it was a dream. Except the reality around him wasn’t bending and turning the way it did while sleeping, but it was, in fact, logical and linear.

“Ehm, so, I didn’t want to bother you at all,” you had drawn your arm away, and it was now rustling something in a paper bag, “I just thought it would be good to introduce myself to my neighbours! And, I’m sorry if it’s corny, but,” you took out a small, green box, offering it to him, “some tea?”

He was still confused and unsettled, but Price had domesticated him enough during the years he knew he couldn’t keep the silence for longer. He took the tea box, your hand almost flying away like it was touching a hot stove when he grabbed it. 

“Thanks.” It was all he could manage to say. He was always bad at talking, and the circumstances mushed up his tongue even more.  

“Oh, it’s no problem at all!” You rushed to say, your eyes looking at everything but him. Briefly, he remembered he was shirtless and in a mask, and he could have almost kicked himself out. Way to fucking go, Riley. A complaint to the building manager is just what you need right now. 

“I-I’ll be going now! I’m just next door!” And off you went, tail in between legs without looking back. You closed the door to your apartment with a slow movement, possibly still spying him from the open glimpse. He stood in the doorway for some seconds, completely still, and then closed his own door. Before doing anything else, he dragged himself to the small desk in his bedroom, dropping the tea box on it. His knees hit against the wood as he sat down on the chair, as usual, and he opened his barely usable laptop. 

It wasn’t weird, what he was doing. If Johnny could still check on his first girlfriend he “totally got over” (big if true), Simon was allowed to check on the life progress of people from his past. Mostly, individuals that had shone in that bleak time. His memory was odd, and he had certain periods he could barely remember existing. But up until enlisting, everything was moulded by fire into his brain. The bad, and there were heaps of it, but also the good. The old lady who gave him biscuits from time to time had died some years prior of natural causes. The movie clerk who generously halved his tickets had moved away to Canada, kids and wife in tow. The one teacher who asked questions, but couldn’t get answers, was still teaching in the same school.

You, who sat with him and really tried your best, living with your own problems yet sparing a thought for him all the same. Little you in your spotless uniform, but with your hair messed up by the wind. Workbooks arranged by colour, little doodles on the margins of the pages, feet hanging in the air when you sat on the park bench’s backrest. You were also supposed to be married and in another city, for years by now. He had several ways to check, social media just the most accessible one, but evidently he had slacked off in the last months or so because he could have never imagined you had moved here. If he had more self awareness, he probably could have explained to himself why seeing you again in the flesh was causing him so much turmoil. Something about trauma. Something about a passive object of observation turning into an active subject of interaction.

He wondered why you had moved away. If– you were alone in the apartment. He hadn’t talked to you since before he went away, and he had no idea of how your personality evolved in the years he hadn’t known you. For all he knew, you could have transformed from a bullied teen into an insufferable woman. He glanced at the tea box again as he closed his laptop. Asian style tea… he hadn’t disliked it when they were in the Philippines, the heat sticking to his skin as he gazed into his sniper scope, but he feared it would be too light for England’s climate. Still, he would give it a try. For old friends and the memories they bring. 

//

He saw you again some days after.

He could hear you leaving in the morning, and returning in the evening too. No one else but you entered your apartment. Lad’s gone and done it, then. For some reason, he was happy you were single and not in a loveless marriage. He didn’t doubt for a second you had the brains to rebuild your life alone. He, instead, spent the days alone in his house, viewing the memes Johnny sent (for every ten stupid posts, one thumbs up emoji) and doing the exercises his physio recommended. He didn’t want to creep on you listening to your activities, but the walls were so thin he didn’t even need to strain his ear. Legs stretched out on the carpet, the sounds of your footsteps heavy and tired at seven pm and the bitten off hiss when you couldn’t figure out which way the key went in. He would go deadly still, waited for you to enter your home, and then moved again.

Every night, Simon went smoking on the balcony. He had even put a chair and a coffee table there, like he would ever invite his friends for drinks. Instead, he would usually drink a glass of bourbon, smoke a couple of fags, and go back inside. He never turned the outdoor light on, the low buzz of the air conditioning machine floors under his lone companion, the odd car once in a while making its way on the street. His routines were already as well established as those of a man double his age. 

That night, one minute into his cigarette, he heard the sliding sound of an exterior door opening. Silently, he lowered his smoke, and he saw you getting out, dressed in house clothes, different from the formal attire you had the day you introduced yourself. Shivering, you rubbed your arms, one pack of cigarettes already in hand. As yet another design flaw, the two apartments’ balconies were far too close for comfort. He could see the goosebumps on the exposed parts of your arms. Before, Simon had never had to worry about intruding into something, as the next apartment was vacant. But now, he had to reckon with you of all people being there. You, who were still clueless to all. You only knew he was your weird neighbour who wore a mask in his own home, and that was probably the safest option for the both of you. Still, he felt the usual disdain for himself crawling over his back like a black beast at concealing himself to you of all people. He entertained the idea of going back inside, but that one crazy part of himself heeded him to stay still. Watch what would happen.

You didn’t see him at first. Couldn’t be blamed, given the darkness. Instead, you tried to light up your cigarette time and time again, your lighter never producing a flame strong enough to burn the tip. Sighing, you resigned yourself and turned to go back inside, and just then you noticed him, sitting in the darkness. Your only sign of surprise was one singular step back, but you recovered, coming to the edge of the balcony to see him better. He felt his body retreat into the darkness by itself. 

“Good evening,” you said, voice high, one hand raising to accompany the greeting. He would have nodded, but then realised you couldn’t see him, so he decided to use his voice. Sparingly.

“Evenin’”. You were squinting now, trying to– look at him in the face? He lowered the fag into the ashtray, drawing away from the light emanating from it. You must have caught the drift of his action, because you pushed away from the railing and looked down for a second. You were hard to dissuade nowadays as ever, though.

“Sorry to bother you,” you spoke again after some seconds, “could I use your lighter for a moment? Mine’s dead.”

If he leaned in too close, you would have seen his face. But if he threw it to you, well. He wouldn’t have forgiven himself. Once again, you saved the interaction by yourself.

“I won’t look if that’s the problem. Hell, we are so close you can basically put it in my hand. I’ll keep my eyes closed!” You gave a thumbs’ up for encouragement. He felt a weird knot in his chest, the hook making its way through flesh again. 

“Alrigh’,” he heard his voice sound rougher than usual, “hold out your hand open over the gap. You can keep it, I have more.”

“Oh, I couldn’t-”

“I insist. For the trouble.”

You were smiling now, mouth closed and eyes as well as you held out your arm. He stood up, leaning on the table for support, and put the lighter in your hand. The tips of his fingers skated on your soft palm as he dragged his hand away. He returned to his seat quickly, but you kept your eyes closed until he gave out a gruff you can open them now.

“Thank you!” You cheerfully replied, now making quick use of his lighter. To his mixed feelings, you didn’t retreat towards your door, choosing instead to smoke close to the railing and his balcony. He could tell you weren’t a full blown smoker. Your drags were far too focused for this to be more than a once-in-a-while occasion. His thoughts wandered on why you were smoking now, if something happened to you at work, if your– your romantic life was bothering you. You leaned over the railing, observing the complex’s arid garden and the streets surrounding it. He killed the small bout of anxiety that rose from seeing you leaning out, one push away from falling. Keep it together. 

Despite the rude act of not showing his face, you couldn’t be dissuaded from talking to him, it seemed. You turned to look in his general direction and gestured towards your face, cigarette between your index and middle finger. 

“You know, I thought maybe you were immunocompromised. But now I see you’re smoking, so…” You let the sentence hang into the air. Ah, your awkwardness had only grown with you. It was endearing. Hearing your words, you rushed to add on, one to always mitigate. “I-I guess it’s none of my business.”

Wanting to take you out of your misery, he decided to speak again, out of character. 

“Just a preference.” He wanted to reassure you that you hadn’t crossed any lines, it was him that was a bit odd, to say the least. You smiled again and nodded, like you understood. You couldn’t, not in a century, not even if he sat you down and dumped it all on you, and that was fine. It was better than fine, it was optimal. He wouldn’t wish it on you even if you turned out to be a serial killer in your spare time. 

Your cigarette was over faster than he expected. You put it out on the railway, but took out a tissue to drape it in. He could have almost smiled at your concern for the environment. Smart on the battlefield, too. You turned, squinting a little again.

“Thank you,” you said, jumping a bit on your feet, “hope you enjoy the tea!” This time, you really went in when he hummed a goodbye.

You left him to simmer by himself and a thousand ways he could have handled that differently.

//

He could live like this. He hadn’t had many neighbours in his life, outside of bunkmates, and you were already his best one. You were quiet, thoughtful. Your mail never overflowed, and if you happened to return back home with a wet umbrella, you were quick to dry the rainwater in the shared corridor. And you could share a cigarette together without asking any pesky questions, such as I never got your name, what is it?, or Why do you always wear the mask? You brought out a chair of your own to sit on the balcony and he began to spend more time outside, even renouncing City games at times. He could feel the curiosity under your looks and words, especially when he showed his masked face, but it seemed like you still prioritized his good graces over personal satisfaction. Instead, he pierced together pieces of your life he didn’t have many details on before. What you did at your job. Your favourite restaurants. Your marital status (divorced, thankfully! with a cheer, and he could have smiled at that). The sound of your laugh, rediscovered after having forgotten it. Jesus, he had it bad. He wanted to blame the loneliness but that wouldn’t be the full truth of it. Your one-sided conversations were so nostalgic of your vents back in highschool, and he always felt one step near revealing something compromising just so that he could force a reaction out of you. Would you gasp, bring your hands to your mouth? Giggle a tired wisp of air? Snap out of it and demand this mysterious man to tell you at least his name? However, he was a trained soldier. No info would be released without previous consideration, and you had no business knowing anything about him in the first place. Much like when you were kids, exposing himself would only hurt you in reply. The prize (recognition, empathy, attention, lo-) wasn’t worth the risk.

“You seem more scary than you really are,” you said one night, nursing a glass of wine like you were some posh upscaled housewife, your foot thumping against the iron bar, and he wanted to dissect that statement. Tear its feathers out, remove its all-seeing eyes. To you, maybe, doll. Tell that to the Russian whose spine I broke on my knee last time they set me free. Naturally, he’d rather jump from the balcony than say that to you, so he settled for a meeker and deadpan “You’re funny.” You laughed at the joke, unoffended, “My judgment is often wrong. Maybe you’re much worse than I can imagine.” Oh, he couldn’t and wouldn’t begin to explain it to you. He picked his words very carefully every time he saw you, thumbing the line between rudeness and genuine interaction. Were he a better man, he’d leave you alone. But he wasn’t, and he wanted to be a part of your days.

He let you stew too. He should have reigned his sadism and curiosity in, and not fantasize whether you were picking up on something, anything that would remind you of him. Of the Simon that no longer existed. If you were keeping him alive, at least in the dunes of your mind.

He should have known it couldn’t continue like this. It was a perfect equilibrium of knowing everything about you and revealing nothing of himself, and no exchange can be unequal, least it’s paid thrice back. When you rang at his door, Special Delivery addressed to Simon Riley in hand, and explained how the mailman had been there just as he’d left the house to go to the physio and you were about to leave, he could see the confusion, fear and pure hope in your eyes, and he knew there would be no further escape. 

[wileys-russo]

childhood sweethearts (13) II a.russo x reader

playlist one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve

childhood sweethearts (13) II a.russo x reader

the next few weeks seemed to pass by in a blur and before you knew it you'd blinked and it was the end of the month already.

you and alessia went from only texting when you needed something to texting every day, and then calling most nights if you weren't together, speaking about everything and nothing for hours, stomachs often aching from how hard you'd make one another laugh.

you appreciated the way she seemed genuinely interested in your job, asking questions and listening along intently as you recounted your days.

it surprised you to learn that if she wasn't a footballer she might have pursued teaching, though some of the horror stories you'd spun her about your time at uni and on placement steered her well away from that.

your heart warmed seeing how good she was with the kids when she did the friday football program, well all of the arsenal girls were, and with the program a raging success an agreement had been made between the arsenal academy and the school to offer discounted holiday programs for during the break.

you'd gone to see every single one of her games since the last, alessia's heart bursting to see you sat up with her family every weekend with her jersey on and her last name across your shoulders cheering her on just like old times.

and you were even learning to actually enjoy the game, though thats not to say you still wouldn't groan and complain when alessia would flick on a premier league game to watch after dinner occasionally.

her brothers had relentlessly teased her for it but she brushed them off, trying not to take to heart the jokes that if she didn't lock you down soon someone else might beat her to it.

neither of you had dared to broach that conversation just yet.

her mum was thrilled to see how close the two of you had become again, her parents picking you up most games or taking you out for a drink with them all beforehand, and always inviting you to family dinners afterwards.

and in turn your own mum insisted on both of your families coming together again like old times, and it filled you with joy to see how much time she spent with carol once more.

with the short distance between both of your apartments it seemed to become a routine of sorts that every couple of days one of you would drop by to see the other.

nights were spent taking turns cooking for one another, watching movies or sometimes just talking for hours until you'd both realise the time and need to hurry back home.

alessia had been wanting to ask you to stay the night for a little while now, but not wanting to push things too early on and just enjoying your company in anyway she could she'd hold her tongue every time you'd start to pack your things back up to leave.

but you'd always be sure to walk one another home which inevitably ended in the two of you kissing goodnight, and unbeknownst to alessia every single time you did you had to hold your own tongue not to ask her to stay.

you were yet to put a label on anything, and most of your 'dates' seemed to consist of cosy nights in, nothing super fancy or high maintenance.

you'd not clocked any sort of issue with it either, having known the girl for years it seemed almost silly to even feel the need to go out, much preferring how comfortable the two of you were around one another now you were both clearly trying to get things back on track.

well you didn't see an issue, not until rory opened her mouth one afternoon.

"wait you've not gone out? watching movies together or cooking dinner isn't a date!" your best friend rolled her eyes from where she lounged on your bed, having come over to help you with your quarterly closet clean out.

"anything can be a date if its with the right person!" you argued, holding up a dress to your body as her eyes narrowed and she pointed to the keep pile. "maybe once you're actually dating, but last time i checked the two of you were still dancing around that big question!" you blushed a little at her words and threw a cardigan at her.

"oh this is cute! can i have this?" you chuckled but nodded as she dropped it into the 'rory' pile which you knew was mainly the only reason she'd offered her 'help'.

"but anyway. if its classed as a 'date' it needs to be a bit more than just the two of you lounging about one of your apartments, thats just hanging out and one could argue that would be something strictly platonic!" rory pointed as you sighed at her dramatics.

"we make out, thats not platonic." you shot back with a glare as she ooohed. "and do you braid each others hair and swap secrets too?" the girl cooed as you threw a heel at her head causing her to shriek.

"sorry ro and how many relationships have you been in? oh just one? shut up!" you flipped her off and turned back to your clothes. "okay if anything its because i am in a long term committed happy and healthy relationship i can call this behavior out." rory started, pushing herself to sit up more.

"the two of you are acting like a) just best friends hanging out, or b) an old married couple. neither of which i know you want to be! you're both in your early twenties you should be going out and spending time together doing fun stuff! not curled up watching the same movies you've loved since you were teenagers. at least go to the cinema and see something so you leave the house!" rory tossed a pillow at you which you side stepped.

"so what i should ask her out to do something then?" you asked with a small frown, playing with the sleeves of your hoodie, which was actually alessia's hoodie. "yes! do exactly that. not that i can really blame you for not wanting to go anywhere super public with her but theres loads of stuff you can do to get around that." rory shrugged.

"what do you mean you can't blame me for not wanting to go anywhere super public with her?" you questioned with an air of confusion. "well because she's a fucking celebrity you head case!" rory laughed at you.

that took you off guard as you paused your sorting, moving to take a seat on the edge of the bed with a frown. "well shes not really a celebrity, shes not like an actor or anything." you challenged more so for your own sake.

"please! elite athletes can be just as famous as actors or singers or whatever, if anything even more so because they're more relatable to the general public. for god sakes she's won the euros and made the finals of a world cup you idiot!" another pillow smacked you in the side of the head as you shot the girl a glare.

"she also does sponsorships, ads, she's a branded athlete with adidas, she has a management agency, she's on a professional contract with a huge salary no doubt, and she plays on a global stage for fucking england!" rory ticked off on her fingers with a scoff.

"well yeah but-" you fell quiet at that, head ticking over as it dawned on you that rory was right. "come on just look at her instagram! as if you don't notice the thousands of people obsessing over her." rory chuckled pulling out her phone.

"i hardly use it! case in point you have to text me to like your posts." you rolled your eyes as rory moved to lay down shoving her phone in your face.

"see? she's got like nearly a million followers and look at how many people interact with her posts. she probably gets like a hundrd dm's a day of randoms asking her out, maybe even from other celebrities!" rory laughed nudging her shoulder into you.

"see she met david fucking beckham and it looks like he's the fan in the picture!" rory gasped clicking into one of alessia's more recent posts.

you knew rory didn't mean anything bad by all of this but as you scrolled through the hundreds on hundreds of comments on alessia's posts you chest tightened with an uncomfortable anxiety you'd not felt before.

"god and then theres tiktok and twitter and whatever else. i liked one video about less and it took me days to get rid of the edits of her on my feed." rory shook her head with a grin, grabbing back her phone off you and switching apps.

"see?" she searched up alessias name on tiktok and your eyes widened even further as she scrolled through the hundreds of edits. "jesus christ she is a celebrity." you exhaled, pushing rorys phone away and collapsing onto your back, moving so your head rested on your best friends thigh.

"well duh, what did you think? she's that same little ten year old playing for the school team with all the boys?" "no! i hadn't really thought about it is all. to me she's just...well she's just alessia."

"and that is very sweet of you but also very naive. i don't know how i'd cope if jack was getting that many girls in his comments, thank god he's just a measly banker." rory joked but at her teasing words you felt a stabbing sensation at your chest.

"but hey what have you got to worry about? all they can do is wish, you've already got the girl." rory shrugged tapping on your forehead as you simply hummed, caught up in your head.

did you have nothing to worry about?

~

you looked up from the pan of vegetables you were frying off hearing a knock at your door, lowering the heat and quickly washing your hands.

"hi lessi." you greeted the blonde as you pulled open the door, stepping aside as she hurried in, the weather below zero this week as she shivered.

"hello, aren't you a sight for sore eyes." alessia sighed happily, your lips meeting sweetly as she pulled your body into hers. "mm no one more." the blonde grinned pecking your lips a few more times making you smile.

"dinners almost done. how was training?" you left her to unravel herself from her many layers as you returned to the kitchen, hearing her join you shortly after.

"this morning? yeah it was good! nutmegged leah like ten times, she was fuming." alessia grinned taking a seat at the bench. "thats when you kick it through someones legs right?" you asked, moving the sauce off the heat.

"sure is, look whose learning. maybe we can get you into a sunday league team next!" alessia winked teasingly as you playfully rolled your eyes. "yeah you'd love that wouldn't you." you grabbed her out a bottle of water from the fridge.

"then i had a shoot this afternoon for adidas, that was fun. i just get awkward in front of the camera but the photographer was really nice!" alessia shrugged casually, taking a long swig of water as you hummed, that weird feeling from yesterday returning as you tried to push it away.

"one to ten, how hungry?" you questioned, two bowls in front of you as you grabbed the rice, having made a stir fry.

"mmm like a six? had a late lunch, some meeting with some magazine about some article. luca said we probably won't go forward with it, they've got a reputation for twisting peoples words to create drama that isn't there." alessia recounted as you again only hummed, a slight frown on your face as you dished up.

"thank you gorgeous." the taller girl leaned in to kiss you in appreciation as you handed her the bowl, eyebrows furrowing a little as you turned your head so her lips met your cheek instead.

brushing it off assuming you were probably just tired after a long week she followed after you into the living room. "no!" you warned as she went to sit on the lounge, lowering herself instead to the floor with a roll of her eyes.

"it was one time." the blonde huffed with a pout as you handed her a small handful of napkins, having knocked over a bowl of soup all over your lounge last week. "one time was enough." you smiled taking a seat beside her.

"get a dining table then and we wouldn't have this problem." alessia pinched your cheek as you mocked her and flicked on the tv. "less!" you complained as she plucked the remote from your fingers, flipping channels.

"nooo." you groaned in realization as she put on a mens game, manchester united playing against some other team you didn't know, only recognising the familiar uniform of the russo's childhood team.

"yesss." alessia mocked happily, sighing as she placed a mouthful of stir fry in. "this is really really good, thank you baby." the girl kissed your cheek again as a comfortable silence fell between the two of you as you ate.

it was during this time that alessia picked up maybe there was something going on with you. normally you'd spend the entire game either making comments, asking questions, complaining about how long halves were or teasing her for 'yelling at the players like they can hear you'.

but long after the two of you had finished eating you were still quiet, eyes not even on the tv as you seemed a little lost in your own world. "hey." you snapped out of it as a warm hand squeezed your knee, looking up into a pair of concerned bright blue orbs.

"you alright?" alessia asked, hand still on your knee as you nodded. "i'm fine babe." you forced a tight lipped smile, gently pushing off her hand and grabbing your empty bowls. alessia watched you go with a frown, now almost certain something was going on for you.

initially she didn't want to force it out of you, but as you both sat up on the sofa now and you subtly shuffled a little further away from her alessia couldn't hold her tongue any longer.

"you don't want to finish it? they're up by two!" you frowned at her as she turned the tv off, turning her body to face you. "i know you said you're fine, but i can tell somethings up." alessia started, reaching out for you as you flinched away.

"see! have i done something?" the girl asked as worry flashed across her face and you shook your head. "no no its just-" you struggled to get out your words, groaning and dragging your hands down your face.

"fucking rory." you muttered cursing out your best friend for causing this swirling sea of doubt in your mind. "you're fucking rory?" alessia misunderstood, pulling her hands back with a frown as again you shook your head.

"no! god no, disgusting." you pulled a face of disgust as alessia breathed out in relief. "its not something you've done, well not...directly?" you winced as the frown returned to the strikers face. "i don't understand."

"okay, well can i ask you something?" "of course." "do you consider yourself a celebrity?"

"thats...a loaded question." alessia exhaled as she thought it over. "i don't personally think about myself in that way but i can see why i'd be perceived that way." alessia answered after a moment to contemplate.

"but why do you ask?" alessia asked both concerned and curious as to where this was coming from. "its stupid." you huffed, falling down onto your back as alessia grabbed your ankles, pulling your legs to rest over your lap, relaxing when you made no move to pull away.

"if its bothering you its not stupid, please." the striker requested softly as you sighed. "well rory was talking to me about how its weird we don't ever go out on dates, and then she made some comment about understanding why i wouldn't want to because you're a celebrity." you paused as alessia nodded for you to continue.

"then she showed me your instagram and tiktok and there was just so many comments and i promise i don't dismiss any of your achievements but i guess i never really took a moment to realise just how many other people appreciated them too." you frowned as everything rolled through your mind.

"see! its stupid. of course you're going to get thousands of comments and fans and edits, you're an international football superstar." you threw your hands up, cheeks burning up a little.

"you jealous of all the fangirls love?" alessia teased as insecurity flashed across your face and she quickly realised that was the wrong thing to say.

"hey no i'm sorry, look at me." soft hands grabbed yours and tugged you to sit up. "first of all, its not stupid." alessia promised sincerely, eyes not leaving yours.

"but it is something we have to speak about, and probably should have already spoken about." alessia sighed in realisation, taking your hands into hers again. "social media is...complicated. people think they know me or i owe them something just because im a public figure." alessia started with a frown.

"every little thing i post gets picked apart whether its of me, a holiday, a place, a friend, my family, anything. people find out which cafes i go to for coffee and show up there hoping to see me, follow me to restaurants when i post im out eating with friends, take sneaky videos when im out in public and post them. it can get very invasive and a lot of people have no concept of privacy or boundaries!" alessia warned as you nodded slowly.

"so i guess if we..." alessia gestured between the two of you with a wince as you nodded to show you understood what she was saying. "...then thats something you'll have to know is there. its not going away, if anything the more tournaments i play in, ads i do, sponsors i get, interviews, articles, club trophies, the attention and the fans and the eyes will grow." alessia spoke firmly, still keeping a hold on your hands.

"but i'm not trying to scare you, i just need you to know that its there. i would always do my best to protect you but some things are out of my hands and out of my control, i can't stop what people think, post, say, much as i wish i could." alessia sighed, bringing your hand up to her mouth to kiss your palm.

"please say something." alessia laughed but it was clearly full of nerves, her face falling as you gently pulled your hands out of hers. "its just, this is all very new. i know you're still you, but i guess the thought of having thousands of people all watching everything you do and picking it apart or obsessing over you and wanting you in comments is overwhelming." you admitted, biting your bottom lip as alessia nodded.

"i know. it overwhelms me too but i promise like you said i'm still me, none of this changes that. and if anything ever bothers you like this please just come talk to me about it, i will always listen." alessia promised, relief flooding her body as took her hands again.

"thank you. i'm sorry for being a downer!" you smiled apologetically as the blonde hurriedly shook her head. "never. but you also did raise another very good point!" alessia started as you tilted your head curiously.

"as much as i love our dinners and movies, we've not really been out on a proper date. so can i please take you out on friday night? i'll be at the school for the program anyway so we could go out right after or we could come back and get ready or we could-" you cut her off as you pressed your lips to hers, silencing her worried rambles.

"i'd love to go out on friday lessi."

~

"someones popular today." you bumped your shoulder into alessias as she broke away from your students who'd been clinging to her all afternoon, leah now running a game as she started to break them up into smaller groups.

"i like kids but i do not know how you deal with all the questions! an angel of patience." alessia sighed bumping you back with a smile. "just an angel in general." you teased, catching the girls eyes quickly flicker down to your lips momentarily.

"excuse me miss russo we are in a professional environment, behave yourself." you warned, kissing her cheek quickly when no one was looking and walking off to calm a small argument which had broken out over team names.

"saw that russo." the smile couldn't even be wiped off alessia's face at katies teasing, the irishwoman standing where you previously had as she poked and prodded at the younger girl.

"so when are you bringing your girlfriend to a team night out then?" katie sung out with a grin. "she's not my girlfriend." alessia sighed, smile dropping as katie frowned. "oh, well no one to blame but yourself there. i see the way she looks at you! smitten." the girl clapped her on the back.

"i want to its just, we've got a complicated history." alessia mumbled with a frown. "ah! who doesn't. all ya can do is not repeat past mistakes. i know none of my exes would turn up to a bar to come pick me up wasted out of nowhere!" katie reminded as alessia winced recalling that night.

"god don't remind me, never again." alessia exhaled with a shake of her head. "well then get your girl russo! you'll never know until ya ask." katie shrugged.

"we're going out tonight, i'm gonna take her to that little darts bar its pretty quiet and i think i freaked her out the other day with the whole thousands of fans thing." alessia then explained the conversation you'd had.

"mm yeah, not something i can offer ya any advice on there less. i've always dated the famous ones!" katie winked jokingly, jogging off as the whistle blew.

"did i hear darts bar tonight? i'll tell the girls!" alessia's head whipped around as beth stood behind her, racing off toward leah before alessia could say another word, the girl throwing her head back with a groan.

"alessia! you're on our team!" she was snapped out of it by small hands gripping at her shorts and shirt, tugging her onto the field as she met your eyes on the other side of the oval, a smile sent her way before you returned to your conversation with your coworker.

it wasn't for another hour that alessia was finally able to track you down alone again, and by this time beth had spread the word and the plan was made, far too late for alessia to say a word as katie gave her a sympathetic look.

"hey! can we talk for a second?" you looked up from speaking with chloe, wishing her a good weekend as she walked off and you nodded, gesturing for her to follow after you back into your classroom.

"did you drive here?" you asked as alessia took a seat on top of one of the desks as you started to pack up yours. "no leah gave me a lift."

"perfect, i'll drop you home and then we can get ready separately. i assume you'll want to drive tonight though?" you smiled teasingly, it being no surprise that alessia preferred to be the driver of the two of you.

"look about tonight-" alessia started, watching as you paused, worry flashing across your face for a moment. "i'm not cancelling." the blonde was quick to assure you as you visibly relaxed a litte.

"we just might need to change the plan? beth kind of overheard me talking to katie about it and then assumed it was a group thing and invited a bunch of the girls and its hardly a date if my entire team is there too and-" alessia started to ramble.

"less!" you cut her off as her face blushed red. "i don't mind if the others are there, really. i know you were excited to show me this place, maybe we could just get dinner somewhere else together and then meet them there later?" you suggested as her face lit up.

"yes! god your mind is brilliant." the striker pushed herself up off the desk, her body suddenly pressing yours against your own desk. "well they don't just pay me for my good looks here." you teased, again catching her eyes flicker down to your lips.

"we're still in a professional environment." alessia stated as if to remind herself more than you. "mm i guess i'm off the clock now, its after four." you grinned, hands falling to clasp either side of her face.

"you know i never thought i'd be kissing a teacher in a classroom." alessia tutted, lips curling into a smile as you let out a laugh. "didn't realise this was something you were into? didn't peg you as someone with a teacher kink." you teased, closing the gap between the two of you.

"only if the teacher is you." alessia mumbled against your lips, hands squeezing your hips as you let out a small laugh, pulling away and hugging her tightly, chin resting on her shoulder.

"i'm gonna miss when this program is over. next term its dancing instead of football!" you groaned quietly, feeling her body vibrate with laughter against yours.

"are you trying to dance with me right now?" you laughed as she started to sway the two of you back and forth. "yeah can't you hear the music? would be rude not to." alessia accused sarcastically, pulling you forward a little and taking your hand.

"i seem to remember you used to be a terrible dancer, two left feet." you grinned as she adjusted your hands, one interlocking with hers as the other rested on your hip, yours on the small of her back.

"hey thats not true!" alessia huffed, eyebrows furrowing in offence. "yes it was, remember when you tried to learn the tango to win a bet and-" you were cut off as her lips pressed against yours again. "we promised never to speak of that again." the girl warned mid kiss, starting to dance with you again.

"oh less!" you winced as suddenly she stepped on your foot, eyes widening as she let go of you and stepped back, but her foot catching on the desk she went flying to the ground.

like a domino effect as her body smacked into one of the desks it toppled over, taking down the entire row as alessia winced each time one hit the ground. a moment of silence passed before your body dropped down to the floor, clutching your stomach as waves of laughter ran through you.

"its not funny!" alessia groaned, though after a moment even she couldn't hold back her laughter, the two of you eventually laid down on the floor unable to stop, wiping away small tears which formed as you tried to calm down.

"oh wow, did your students do that?" alessia gasped as she looked up and saw the galaxy of stars all over the roof once the two of you finally calmed a little.

"no i did, makes it way easier to get them to calm down after lunch sometimes. i turn all the lights off and draw the blinds, then i get them all to pick a star and stand under it, close their eyes count to ten and make a wish for the future. works nearly every time!" you smiled fondly, alessia stealing a glance at you.

"its cool the school lets you decorate like this, i wish our classrooms were this colourful and lively. i might have actually paid attention!" alessia shrugged as you kicked her gently. "you did pay attention, just to my work so you could copy off of it." you poked her with a smirk.

"they give us some freedom just no budget, almost all of this is self funded." you explained as alessia's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "wait really?"

"yeah, a lot of the stuff needed to actually run a cohesive program isn't deemed as so. like name tags, the reading books, plants, most of the stationary, the posters, all bought by me. then activities like when we have snacks on movie days, end of term pizza parties, none of thats covered by the department either." you shrugged as if it was no big deal.

"wait so you personally buy all that stuff?" alessia asked in disbelief as you nodded. "well yeah, just because the department doesn't think these kids need this stuff doesn't mean they don't deserve it. a public school education shouldn't set them back on resources and opportunities compared to a private one just because of money, i like to think im doing my bit to mend the gap when i can." you looked back up to the ceiling with a smile.

"what was that for?" you laughed as alessia quickly pecked your lips. "because teachers deserve more money. but i can't help that so i figured a kiss was the next best thing!" alessia grinned cheekily as you grabbed her shirt, pulling her mouth back to meet yours again.

though as she pushed herself up and moved to hover over you, you leapt away from one another at the sound of someone clearing their throat.

but both of you sighed in relief as you realised it was only leah who stood with a smirk and a bunch of flowers in her hand. "sorry to interrupt. but less left these in my car and i wouldn't want to steal them from their rightful recipient." leah spoke as the striker hurried to her feet.

a silent conversation seeming to be had between the two blondes through a series of facial expressions alessia accepted the flowers and leah sent you a smile before leaving, closing the door after her.

"for you." alessia blushed bright red as you stood, accepting them with your own cheeks tinted rosy pink. "they're beautiful." you swooned, placing them on your desk and pulling her into a tight hug.

"well beautiful girls deserve beautiful things."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

fourteen

[jensettermandu]

vampire - aeri uchinaga

genre; angst, fluff (not much), sfw

pairing; giselle x female reader

content; unhealthy relationship; poor communication, 'i can fix her' - aeri, 'hot and cold' - y/n, arguments, jealousy, and toxicity in general. 6th member of lsfm, 01' liner.

synopsis; aeri can't help but feel like she's in a relationship with a vampire the way her girlfriend bleeds her dry, but she also can't help but continue to feed into all of her whims and desires despite it feeling like she isn't getting a drop of blood back.

wc; 7.6k+

songs; big city blues - lil peep , risqué - cute is what we aim for , tragic girl - weezer , candles - juice wrld , your favourite dress - lil peep/lil tracy

masterlist

“I missed you,”

Aeri expected to hear the same words back, but she should have known better, however, Y/n was impossible to read most of the time. It had been over a year yet Aeri felt like she was at times still on the same page as when she first talked to the girl. 

Y/N was impossible to learn because she changed more than the weather. Her girlfriend was hard to love, but even harder to understand for anyone, yet Aeri was putting her whole heart on the line and would always take a leap of faith for Y/n. There was no transparency to her, but there were cracks at times. 

It wasn’t Y/n that messed up, but Aeri saying these words of affection after longing for someone she viewed as her other half. She shouldn’t have said that she had been longing after her. It wasn’t even metaphorical; a wall dropped down between them and Y/n was no longer in her arms.

“Yeah well, you wouldn’t miss me so much if you decided to spend more time with me.”

She forgot how cold the nights could get at times, especially when they weren’t in each other’s arms. The days ran busy and nights were used to suffice exhaustion and she knew that she had spent less time with her girlfriend. Y/n was high-maintenance as her friends had told her; Y/n’s friends included. 

It didn’t help that they both lived in dorms and it did limit them at times. 

Y/n was also hot and cold.

Their meetings felt almost like secret affairs which Y/n would complain about now and then. The quiet–in Aeri’s opinion serene and intimate–rendezvous after dark with just them and no one else around as they would walk along the sidewalks, talking, gazing, sharing a bond and intimacy. 

The wind somewhat howled as it blew from the corner of the apartment building’s rounding. Aeri had yet to move as she watched Y/n’s slim figure walking away from her, the only small light being the one from the girl’s phone. 

How much sacrifice was love worth?

Aeri wasn’t going to put a limit now; she was ready to go until she dropped dead with no heart left to keep her alive because Y/n had consumed it all; blood and flesh because she was aware of how selfish the girl could be. She could hand her her heart, but Y/n would grab her whole and rip her to shreds to fulfil her hunger; with Aeri possibly getting something back. 

It didn’t end there because Y/n would then spit her right back out.

It was what she wanted in the end; for Y/n to just want her too, no matter how she wanted her as long as she did even if the girl didn’t want her after.

Could she blame Y/n? No. She was aware that her girlfriend had been through a lot, that it all led to walls being put up and that whenever something was off the smallest amount; new walls dropped. Aeri was willing to sacrifice for her love; she was stuck with the mentality of being able to help Y/n.

One step forward could at times mean ten steps backwards though.

It had been a long day, she should have been back in the dorm, sleeping, they were still promoting their new album. Aeri was drained as it was, but she was offering herself for Y/n’s sake. 

“Y/n, I’m not in the mood to run after you tonight.” Her tone was somewhere between pleading yet firm, walking a thin line because she knew what the wrong type of tone led to. 

“As if I could expect that from you.” She barely caught it and shoved her hands into her pants pockets, refusing to follow. 

Her eyes stuck on the girl who was taking long yet languid steps, dressed in a black skirt, ripped tights, white tank top with a zip-up that was sliding down her shoulder. Aeri’s zip-up hoodie as she stood in just her t-shirt after giving it to Y/n. 

How long did she stand still? Fighting the urge so she wouldn’t run after Y/n like she always did. It was as if something was pulling her after the girl, perhaps the invincible collar that Y/n had on her while at the same time, she tried to fight against its every tug.

She remembered what truly had pulled her towards the girl, to begin with, and what tied her to Y/n. It was physical attraction when she first saw her, then came the attraction after seeing how similar they were in interests to aesthetics and at last, she spoke to the girl and realised that she would fall. 

She did.

Aeri walked right after Y/n because she wasn’t going to limit her love for the girl. There was no love without pain, right? Y/n was worth getting hurt for, she was sure that she could mend what was shattered inside her girlfriend, but it would only be possible if she followed her even if it was blindly.

“Okay wait.” She gave in at last as she took a few long strides towards her girlfriend, slipping her hand into Y/n’s. Maybe those constant texts and calls weren’t enough throughout the days; she could do more than text and call. 

Her fingers intertwined with Y/n’s who looked at her with her piercing gaze, the one that devoured Aeri from the outside. However, it would eat long enough until she was consumed whole. 

“I wanna take you on a date, I have a day off Monday.” She could make it up, she always did even if she wasn’t sure if there was much she had to make up for. Aeri would still do it for Y/n. It wasn’t like she could do much about her schedule, but there was always a way to give more than she already had. 

She refused to let Y/n slip through her fingers. 

The wall was still there and she knew that she needed to make up for it to come back down. Y/n would be distant, it would be cold, again, until those icebergs melted. 

Y/n looked uninterested, her eyes vacant and Aeri always tried to occupy them. To fit into Y/n’s gaze, to reflect in her eyes and to feel seen. At times she wondered if Y/n’s heart at least sped up at times because of her, if it was even beating to begin with. How did someone manage to be so cold yet magnetise like a warm fire? 

She reached her hand up to the girl’s face as the wind blew, fixing the loose strands of layered hair. “Fine–” She pursed her lips as Y/n moved her face away and dropped her hand. It did ache, it did make a fear run across her spine; how much did she mess up this time? When would she pushed away far enough by Y/n to lose her? Why was she always so apprehensive around Y/n? “I still want to go home, I’m tired.” 

What had it been? 30 minutes since they met up? Aeri spent more time getting to the place together with getting back than she had spent with her girlfriend. It was still worth it. Those 30 minutes with Y/n were worth it. She had grown to realise that it was better to take whatever she got at times. 

She had missed the girl in the end after the distance between them due to work.

“Y/n,” Aeri started as they stood face to face, Y/n’s gaze didn’t falter while hers had to wander away every three seconds. “I’m sorry, I promise to make it up to you.” 

“I know. You promise each time.” 

She swallowed down the heaviness of not being able to take care of Y/n like she wanted to and always tried to. She was only able to speculate what could be going through Y/n’s head at the moment or ever for that matter. It felt like she had never been let inside; it wasn’t a feeling, it was the truth. That was why she clutched the small crumbs dearly.

“I’m for real this time.” 

“I’m aware.” 

An awkwardness fell upon her, knowing that she made more promises than she could handle. She at times had to cancel because of work. She still made up every time, yet every time it still got distant from Y/n’s side.

“Are you mad?”

“No.” That meant yes, she knew that much about her girlfriend. Aeri would say that she was thankful that Y/n’s manager pulled over by the curb, saving her from any more opportunities to mess up again. 

She couldn’t just let her go like that, “I love you,” she reminded and for a moment she hesitated. Aeri leaned in and got the cheek turned to her which she settled for. “Yeah, love you.” The words felt thrown and she was fully aware that Y/n was mad at her despite all her efforts to see her amidst her busy schedule as the car drove off.

“Awh, that’s so cute.” Yunjin cooed, being quicker to the gift by Y/n’s makeup spot than the girl herself. The other girl walked around Yunjin and took her seat in the makeup chair as the green room was starting to crowd. 

A cute black bat plushie, Y/n rolled her eyes, her hands reached for the small envelope stuck to it together with a blood-red rose. She opened it, somewhat already expecting what would be said. Aeri often sent her gifts, but the older tended to send them more often on these occasions. 

‘I’m packed today, but I fixed everything for you, I will call you when I get home. Love you <3’

Aeri’s care was overwhelming and Y/n couldn’t figure out if she was overcaring, overdoing it just to fool her or if it was out of genuine care and love. It only filled up the balloon of anxiety and distrust towards her girlfriend instead of doing the opposite for Y/n. What were her intentions? People always had ulterior motives, didn’t they? Was anyone just nice to be nice?

Y/n knew what love was. 

“What did it say?” Yunjin’s curiosity never subsided as she found herself more nosy than Y/n would deem acceptable. 

“The same.” She mumbled, haphazardly handing the note to her side and the girl beside her took it.

“I think it’s the thought that counts, she could have just sent a text.”

Why would Aeri go out of her way? It only made Y/n run more leery. 

It wasn’t the same words every time, but each time she wouldn’t be able to talk throughout the days she sent gifts and other things. Was it to make up for it? Y/n had no clue. 

Y/n would prefer a short text over the care.

She reached for the plushie and looked over her shoulder at the glimpse of a shadow that passed them. “Eunchae–” The girl was cut short by Yunjin who grabbed hold of the plushie, catching the rose that was about to fall.

“No, you can’t just give it away.” She clicked her tongue and grabbed the stuff, the note included before she turned around and handed it over to a passing manager who would bring it to the car. 

Yunjin was close with Aeri; she was the one who gave her Y/n’s number and was there when they first met as it was disguised as a casual hangout. She was the one who without Y/n’s knowledge possibly slipped up and mentioned that Y/n was high maintenance, but would also draw back despite wanting care. It was an accident. All in all, she was always there for Y/n as her friend. 

“It’s only a matter of time until she retreats and leaves me to grasp for crumbs. It’s always the same.” Y/n muttered, looking over her nails, trying not to give into the overwhelming emotions that continued to fill the balloon every day. There was a reason to let Aeri close, but not too close, too close meant that she could hurt her if she let all the walls down. 

“Why not talk to her about it then?” Y/n’s eyes moved up and looked in the mirror at Sakura’s voice who sat down on the chair beside her. They carefully moved to Yunjin for reassurance of what she thought about those words, but all she got was an unfortunate nod of agreement. 

“About what?”

“Your insecurities, fears, the fact that you’ve had terrible experiences with your previous partners.” Yunjin started to list the things, not beating around the bush, however, her tone held genuine care and compassion to try and help her friend. 

“So she can use it against me?” Was the first thing that came to Y/n’s mind at the suggestion, making the two older girls share a look; it wasn’t as easy as they wished it was. Y/n too wished it was easier, but when she found warmth and comfort behind cold walls, it was hard to let them down. If something happened before, what reassured her that it wouldn’t happen again? 

Just because it was Aeri, didn’t mean that it couldn’t happen. Y/n was aware that she could never completely know someone; never 100% and that she would always have to trust her for her words. The issue was that Y/n couldn’t do that; trust gestures or words.

“Why would she do that?” Sakura genuinely questioned and Y/n got up from her seat at the call of her manager about food; yet another gesture of Aeri to make sure that she ate.

“I already regret telling any of you anything at all.” The girl honestly spoke as the help only got overwhelming because it left her in more conflict. 

“That’s not very nice of you.” She pushed past Yunjin, ignoring her further complaints about being hurt as she grabbed Kazuha to eat with her instead. 

Not let Aeri close enough to hurt her.

Aeri sighed and tossed her phone to the side, trying to figure out what she did wrong this time. At this point, she was close to believing that she possibly sent the wrong type of food to the girl. It was ridiculous and she was painfully aware of it yet she did nothing about it, but continued trying. 

She couldn’t help the fact that she cared, being fully aware that Y/n wanted her to care even if it left her misled because of how Y/n also pushed her away. 

The darkness in her room was lit up as she got a notification and she blindly reached for her phone.

: stuck at practice, let’s talk later

: ok, lemme know when you’re back 

: Love you, take care and don’t push yourself too far

She watched as the message was read, but she got nothing sent back which elicited a groan from between her lips. The guessing game was impossible to win; did Y/n want her to care or not? Did she want an ‘I love you’ or not? If she did and Aeri didn’t send it to her she would grow cold, but if she didn’t want it and she still sent it, Aeri felt like a fool. 

This was the girlfriend she wanted, this was the girlfriend she fed her every drop of blood to the way she sucked her dry and left her with no energy. 

With the phone resting on her chest she stared at the dark ceiling, it was nearing midnight and all she wanted to do was talk on the phone with Y/n until she would doze off. All she wanted to do was make sure that Y/n wasn’t overworking herself and that she was fine, but she didn’t want to be too much at the moment. Aeri figured that Y/n needed her space after the staleness that grew after they saw each other. 

In the end, guessing was all that she could do.

She was snapped out of it when the door opened, saving her from the overthinking that always turned melancholic.

Y/n learned that she could probably stare at the messages with her girlfriends for hours as she waited for an answer. It was past midnight and she was in the car with Chaewon who she had stayed behind with. 

It had been a good ten minutes since she texted Aeri.

She didn’t have the time to reply earlier; at least that was her excuse to make herself seem less cold. It left her guilty otherwise because she did care, but how did she show that without having to be vulnerable? Without having to let her girlfriend closer?

Ten minutes of waiting for an answer.

Ten minutes too long. 

She left the chat and opened her socials. The girl sunk into her seat, biting the nail of her thumb as she felt that green garden growing inside her. Aeri wasn’t obliged to be live on Instagram with Minjeong, ignoring her texts or at least not answering them. She didn’t like feeling jealous, it always made her melt into a miserable puddle that had no clue how to express it because of the susceptibility it made her feel. 

She hated that one person was able to affect her this much. That one person was able to hurt her at any moment. That something this small could affect her at times. 

At least an answer would make her feel better, but Aeri seemed too busy with her friend. Was it because she had accidentally let Aeri past too many walls? Her fingers wouldn’t be trembling from overwhelming emotions if she had kept her at arm's length. It meant that she had let her closer than she dared.

Grief turned to anger and Y/n could only blame herself for being vulnerable enough to get hurt by this. To get hurt in the first place.

Aeri knew that she was in shambles when Y/n hadn’t replied to her texts, she replied exactly 15 minutes later, and all her calls had led to the automated voicemail. She had gone to bed, barely able to sleep, without any goodnight or I love you, and there hadn’t been any answers in the morning either.

Her last hope had been Yunjin. Her schedule had come to an end at around 7 P.M. With still no answer from her girlfriend, she called Yunjin. Even though it wasn’t the first time that she had been ignored for hours, it still left her worried each time. 

It somewhat irked Aeri to hear that Y/n had been at the company building the whole day and didn’t have more than the practice that ended at noon. It irked her that she had been ignoring Aeri without letting her know why, all she knew was that she somehow messed up. How? When? What was it? What did she do? She had to guess, again.

What irked her the most after her call with Yunjin was that Y/n was with Kazuha. 

She wouldn’t have minded if she had at least gotten a single reply. 

It wasn’t something she could help, but she had always been the slightest bit jealous when it came to Kazuha. Oh how much she hated it, to be jealous of someone who was Y/n’s group member. However, she felt like she had every right to hate it and be pissed about the proximity of Y/n and Kazuha’s relationship.

What was she angry about while sitting in the back of the car? That green mixed with red, angry about how the girl was always there when Aeri messed up and was always the one comforting her girlfriend. Someone had to, that someone should be Aeri, but instead, whenever she wanted to apologise, make up for it, and be there for Y/n…Kazuha was somehow always already there, witnessing Aeri at her worst while soothing Y/n, making it look like she only knew how to hurt and mess up.

Far from the truth. She hoped. Aeri had managed to grow insecure as their relationship progressed; regressed would be a better term. 

What hurt the most was that deep down she was aware that Y/n possibly didn’t trust her enough to find comfort in her.

All she wanted was for Y/n to open up to her. All she got was drained while watching her girlfriend open up to someone else about the problems of their relationship, but never to her. She had tried to bring them up, but it had always been a one-sided conversation. 

“Does she think that I’m enough? I get shut out when I mess up, I get shut out when she opens up…I’m honestly so confused at times.” Aeri frowned, unsure where she got the urge to suddenly start spilling out her feelings to Yunjin. There had been a heavy feeling in her chest, she wanted to be perfect for Y/n, to care for her and love her.

“I’m not even sure how I messed up this time.” She somewhat exclaimed in exhaustion, her voice leaving that timid whisper-like tone, with her arms gesturing outwards before falling to her sides. 

Aeri sighed to gather herself and not get too emotional, knowing well that Y/n and love were a sensitive topic for her because she loved her so much that she couldn’t love more. It was frustrating enough that she couldn’t show it in any more ways. 

She stared at the metal doors of the elevator they were in and looked to her side as Yunjin squeezed her shoulder to comfort her.

“I don’t think it’s that.” Yunjin shortly replied, sounding like she may had an idea what it would be.

Aeri raised her eyebrows in question at the words. Yunjin looked off to the side at the numbers that went up about to reach the floor. She clicked her tongue and heaved a sigh–probably not in the position to make statements–she knew what it was in the end.

“It’s not because you mess up that she distances herself—” Yunjin started and took the first steps towards the doors that had slid open as she quietly finished, “it’s because you don’t.” 

Aeri has put up with it, she had been standing in Y/n’s burning home despite being far from fireproof. She put up with the pain for Y/n, willing to stand in what was her home that was burning; Y/n’s whole world was on fire. Aeri wanted to put it out and help her see that just because the inside of a home was up in flames: it didn’t mean that everything outside of it was burning to the ground too. 

It seemed to have a different outcome and her not messing up, showing how much love there was, only made the fire ablaze and out of control.

She wasn’t going to stop though.

A long pause came—a silence that no one breached for the next few seconds—when Yunjin opened the door to the room where Y/n was. Kazuha included of course.

Jealousy bubbled inside her, Aeri never wanted to be that type, but it was impossible when it came to Y/n. The small couch was occupied by the two, Y/n’s legs thrown over Kazuha’s and they barely made an effort to look at them until Yunjin called for the younger. 

She felt stupid, but her heart knew what it felt and why it hurt, why it made her feel sick. She had too many feelings for Y/n to not feel like a part of her would rot every time she got jealous. It was ugly in the end, but she couldn’t help it when she saw someone she tried everything for open up within seconds to someone who wasn’t her. 

She bunched up the material of her jacket as she watched Y/n lift her head from Kazuha’s shoulder who unwrapped her arms from around her waist. Her eyes fell on Y/n who was already looking back at her and amongst all this, at least her presence was acknowledged and not ignored, Aeri already felt foolish enough.

The door closed after they left and Y/n leaned back on the couch, crossing her legs as she looked at her nails while picking at them. She knew what was wrong, she knew that Aeri would show up at some point, however, she had hoped that she wouldn’t because it would be easier to stay upset. To blame her for something (anything) and push her away for it even if Y/n had wanted nothing more than to spend a day with the girl who sat down on the other end of the couch.

Arms distance was still better, wasn’t it?

“Why do you treat me like–” Aeri started but stopped, her lips pursed and she took in a breath, deciding to consider her words first. With a sigh she averted her gaze towards her girlfriend, barely being able to feel her presence because of the walls that the girl had put between them. 

Was she supposed to get on her knees and beg for forgiveness? Was Aeri supposed to let Y/n tug her closer by the collar she had on her like always? To give in the way she always did. She had been patient for so long and nothing was working, the only thing she wanted was for it to work. It wouldn’t, not if she kept avoiding everything wrong for Y/n’s sake if she ignored it because Y/n didn’t want to ever talk about it. 

She had been doing everything for the girl, but nothing for their relationship to actually work out like it should. 

“I don’t like how close you two are at times,” Aeri admitted, deciding to be truthful, to be open about the ugliness that didn’t have to be there if they only talked about it. 

She for the first time in the one year they had been together brought up a problem without beating around the bush; Y/n always ran away from all problems, especially if she tried to talk about them and it made Aeri look like a terrible person. 

“It was fine for you to be all over Minjeong on live though, I wasn’t comfortable with that.” In contrast to Aeri’s calm tone, Y/n spat venom at her. She could see the walls growing taller by the second as it started right after she brought it up. It was always the same, nothing changed yet it always hurt no matter how used she was to it.

“I wasn’t all over her, plus we were live, obviously I will be a bit closer and you know it yourself Y/n. We are in the same industry.” Her fingers threaded through her hair, sighing at the emotions that were bubbling inside her chest. “What I don’t understand is why you would be so close to her when no cameras or fans are watching. I get it, but there is a limit even between friends.” In the end, Aeri wouldn’t mind, but it was a bit too much for her to be comfortable with it. 

It could be mistaken; Kazuha could be mistaken for Y/n’s girlfriend and Aeri for her friend.

Y/n could feel the walls closing in on her, she had always found comfort in the walls she put up. These walls were ones that Aeri was pushing past and it was all closing in on her, leaving her with no room to breathe. All she needed was a way out before it would become overwhelming and she would be unable to breathe. Aeri was getting too close–arm's length, she was past that–and Y/n wanted to run, but her feet were stuck to the ground.

“Maybe because my girlfriend doesn’t have the time to give me what I need. I needed to talk to you, I wanted to be with you—” All her defences went up as she tried her best to crawl into her shell of safety in case Aeri managed to crumble her walls. “You were too busy being on a live you weren’t obliged to be part of.” The girl scoffed out, in disbelief. 

Y/n hated how gently the girl was doing it, that she wasn’t wrecking them like everyone else had always done. All those times her walls were forcefully broken down and she was wrecked together with those walls. Why couldn’t Aeri wreck all her walls and her like the rest? Why couldn’t she hurt her and be familiar? 

It made red lights go off in Y/n’s head as she stood up from the couch. One thing in mind: Aeri was coming in softly and would wreck her, ruin her worse than anyone else had managed to do because she would have Y/n in her arms when doing it. She would get close enough for it to hurt more than anyone had been able to hurt her because she would be on the inside. 

Love had turned into logic for Y/n; this was like a trojan horse. 

“You were too busy taking care of someone else, someone who you see every day.” 

“I’m always there for you though, I just happened to be away from my phone for a few minutes and you made it a big deal.” She reasoned, watching the girl anxiously pull on the sleeves of her sweater. Even if the girl was a closed and locked book, Aeri could read Y/n when it came to certain things. She took her time to analyse the small details on the outside and the tiny peeks she got on the inside. 

Enough to know that everything was burning on the inside. Enough to know that Y/n was doing everything to turn it around and make it easier for herself to push away Aeri again. 

“Why do you invalidate my feelings, Aeri? You don’t know what I felt or what I feel and when I try to tell you about it, you say it’s the opposite.” 

And she knew enough to know that it would start draining her again. Aeri didn’t want to fight with Y/n so she caved before she even managed to start. She felt like Y/n’s marionette, however, she was fully aware of how she was controlled and bent to her master’s every whim and desires. 

“Hey–” She clicked her tongue and grabbed hold of Y/n’s hand, gently pulling the girl over to her. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like your feelings aren’t valid, they are and always will be.” It came with ease, to give into Y/n came naturally to her as she pulled the girl to sit down beside her on the couch. “I shouldn’t have said that.” She continued, being okay with being wrong as long as Y/n was there.

Y/n couldn’t determine whether or not she liked that Aeri gave in the way she did. She expected her to fight, to drill on until Y/n couldn’t defend herself until she was destroyed. No matter how much her mind told her to run, her heart melted as she got pulled into a hug. It was an embrace she had always needed from someone who was more than a friend, even if it was scary it was comforting. 

It was hard to distinguish whether it was excitement or fear that she felt at the moment, but she loved the feeling. She loved Aeri.

Aeri rested her chin on Y/n’s shoulder, pulling her closer at the tickling feeling of the girl’s breath hitting her neck who ended up in her lap, sitting sideways. Her eyes glanced down and she intertwined her fingers with Y/n’s, caressing the smooth skin with the tenderness she had for her. This was all she wanted.

“I love you, Y/n.” She reminded her that all that she did in the end was love and care for her. 

It followed with a small silence as she stared ahead at the empty wall, she wasn’t worried because she knew where Y/n’s heart lay. Not necessarily fully in her hands, but she could touch it with her fingertips and feel its pulse. 

“I love you,” Y/n loved her even if she had yet to fully trust her. 

Aeri lifted her chin as Y/n pulled back and she looked up at the girl in her lap, her hand caressing the small of her back. It was these moments where there were cracks in Y/n’s walls and it made Aeri’s heart speed up at the vulnerability she could see in Y/n’s eyes. It sped up because of the relief knowing it was possible to delicately get past those walls, but it also sped up in fear; knowing it was only a matter of time before that one step forward would end up with ten steps back.

She untangled her fingers and moved her hand over to Y/n’s face who this time didn’t pull away, but leaned in as she pushed aside her hair before cradling her cheek in her palm. Their eyes met, Y/n’s fingers fiddled with the baby hairs at her nape, her arms loosely around her shoulders. 

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” She asked, not wanting to feel her chest tighten at the girl turning her cheek again. Her eyes glanced down at the full lips, the girl’s tongue coming out and poking at the corner of her glossy lips. 

A mere ghost brushed past her lips when Y/n leaned closer before letting Aeri close the little space left between them. Y/n couldn’t deny that she loved how Aeri kissed her, how she held her, how she took care of her, and how tender and filled with love it all was. She loved how it made her heart go into a crescendo. 

Yet Aeri cared too much—she had always been caring and it wasn’t obnoxiously so, but giving an abused dog a treat won't make it trust the person, it won’t probably touch it in fear that it is used to deceive to be able to hurt it after. It made the treat it so much wanted turn obnoxious.

She traced patterns over her back as they pulled away, fingers playing with Y/n’s hair as she admired her face from close, missing her girlfriend because she never felt like she truly got her. That distance strained them and made it difficult to stay warm in the cold. 

“I just want this to work out.” It was a small whisper as if saying it too loud would harm them, but it harmed everything anyway. She could feel the mood shift in how Y/n’s body got less relaxed in her hold. 

“It is working out, there’s no need to bring it up,” Y/n argued, liking it when they were like this. When they were in a spot where she could have Aeri right there whenever she wanted, but also put space between them whenever she wanted. It had worked so far; at least Y/n liked to think it did because it worked for her. 

She wasn’t selfish enough to not notice that it was only working in her favour, that Aeri always gave in while suffering. However, she had been selfish enough to keep at it; to fill her needs and then disappear when Aeri offered a bit too much and she knew that she had to give something in return. To let her guard down.

“You’re choosing ignorance, Y/n. I don’t want that.”  It was hurting Y/n as much as it did Aeri who didn’t want the girl to hurt when they chose ignorance. Aeri frowned and Y/n was slipping through her fingers again and the heat turned into cold as the girl moved away from her. She watched Y/n who placed her head in her palms, elbows resting on her knees while she took deep breaths. 

“Why can’t you just choose to be ignorant for once too?” She wasn’t taken aback when Y/n snapped at her. The warmth was gone from her eyes and they were once again filled with that vacancy and anger to this time.

She knew where this was heading. ‘It’s not because you mess up that she distances herself, it’s because you don’t.’ She was aware of how Y/n always twisted everything until Aeri was stuck in a corner where she could only mess up because of the pressure of being put in that situation, to begin with. It was draining her; how long could she take this? How long could she put up with it out of pure love?

“Why do you always have to make things so complicated for no reason?” Her girlfriend continued as she looked at Aeri in disbelief.

It hurt when she only wanted the best for Y/n, for them, but maybe she didn’t know what the best was. 

“I’m doing it for a reason, I’m doing it because I care about you, I love you and want the best for you, for us and we can’t have that if—” 

Y/n stood up in frustration, cutting her girlfriend off, and not letting her finish. She didn’t know what to do with all that love and care she received so all that she could think of was to turn it away; to block it out. It made everything crawl inside her out of fear and Aeri did everything but understand that.

“What do you want me to do?” The girl exclaimed, turning around and gesturing with her arms that then fell to her sides with a thud. The anxiety was filling the room from the heaving breaths for air, from the way she paced and tugged at her clothes; nothing was helping her grasp reality as the thoughts were getting too overwhelming. “I can’t help that I don’t want to jump into your open arms no matter how much reassurance of a safe fall I get. It doesn’t work like that, Aeri.” 

Aeri’s love and care were overwhelming and Y/n hated that she couldn’t appreciate it the way it should be appreciated. She loved that she got it, but hated it once it lasted a second too long because she felt how it slowly melted everything she had built over the years.

It had been a year of Aeri standing with open arms. Her world felt like it was falling apart, but her desire and love for Y/n stayed strong and it was the only thing keeping her together. Trying to save Y/n was killing her and soon enough it would be too late and she would fall into Y/n’s burning world and end up just like the girl.

Love was worth the sacrifice.

“It doesn’t work like this either!” Her voice went up and she never raised it, Aeri never could when it came to the girl in front of her, but she was desperate. Her hands clutched onto the material of her jeans as she stared up at Y/n with tears in her eyes. It was frustrating as she was trying everything and kept being proven over and over that there was nothing she could do. 

Yet it wasn’t enough to stop her from trying.

“I get that it can be hard to trust someone, Y/n.” She calmed her tone, huffing as she leaned back against the couch and took in a deep breath to stop the uncomfortable prickling in her nose. When did it get so frustrating? Has it always been this draining to be with Y/n? But she loved her. How hard could love get at this point? 

It went silent aside from Y/n’s anxious pacing, which was anxiety-inducing for Aeri, it was silent. Aeri stared down at her lap and she could feel how the tears were floating in her eyes. She was ready to start grieving the loss of someone who she still had; she had already started crying because she knew that she lost Y/n once again. 

All she wanted was Y/n. Her fingers were restless as she pulled on the material of her bottoms, pouting, pursing her lips, huffing, blinking, swallowing (with pain), and clearing her throat. She was doing everything to not cry; it would only scare Y/n away further, wouldn’t it? To show that she meant so much that she could make Aeri cry. 

She could suppress it; just for Y/n. 

She could fix it. Fix them, fix Y/n, fix herself, and overall fix everything. There was a lot of fixing, but there was still enough left of her to do it, she could use whatever energy she had even if it would end with her collapsing from exhaustion. She would give her every drop for Y/n.

“But why can’t we just try to make it work.” She mumbled and with the words dropped tears, and with quick reflex, she caught them with the sleeve of her jacket and snivelled. It was choking her, the way her heart pushed to her throat and left it to hurt, it all hurt and left a faint tremble. Aeri looked up at Y/n, her vulnerability was something she couldn’t hide unlike the girl in front of her who stopped at last. 

Was it wrong to cry because she felt bad for Y/n? The girl didn’t deserve to be in pain behind all those walls in her opinion. Y/n wasn’t doing anything wrong even if it seemed like it; she was just badly hurt and that wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t her fault that she didn’t want to be hurt again. 

It wasn’t Y/n’s fault that it was hard to go back to the person she used to be, knowing that that person she used to be had died at the hands of someone who wasn’t deserving of Y/n. Someone who wrecked her home and set it on fire.

“It is working until you bring it up.” Y/n knew how to suck her tears up as her gaze bore into Aeri’s soul, the tears from her girlfriend a sign of the drainage she caused. It wasn’t intentional; it tore her knowing that she was breaking Aeri’s heart, someone she loved, but she had to put her heart first. 

She had learned that love wasn’t worth putting first.

Aeri exhaled, wiping her eyes again, using her sleeves while barely shaking her head. “It’s not working and this is the proof, Y/n. We wouldn’t be arguing about it if it all was fine. You said it yourself that you’re being ignorant. I’m willing to take it slow, I want to help you, but I can’t when you close off.” Even after all this time–a year–she was willing to give it more time. To give Y/n all the time she needed.

“I don’t need your fixing, Aeri. I’m fine with the way things are, the way I am.” Y/n bellowed with anger, too stubborn to change her ways, too stubborn not to put herself first despite wanting Aeri. Too stubborn not to put walls around her heart no matter how much it tried to beat free from the chains just for Aeri. It was a conflict she was facing; not with Aeri, but with herself.  

“You’re obviously, lying–” Aeri knew Y/n enough from the outside to know, but she had taken in as much as she could from those small cracks that could at times appear in Y/n’s walls. It was enough to let her know that Y/n wanted to love but was scared. 

“I’m not lying, I’m–”

“Yes, you are! You get defensive, you close up, and you ignore me. How is that fine to you or me?” Aeri exclaimed, abruptly getting up from the couch with a harsh wipe to her dewy eyes that couldn’t help but shed at the discomfort of her heart aching. 

Y/n scowled, gripping onto the sleeves of her sweater. “I’m done.” She stated the words firmly and her jaw clenched to the point where it hurt just to not tear up.

However, Aeri wasn’t done, she grabbed hold of Y/n’s closed fist, but with tenderness, because despite the anger there was no room for brutality in her love for Y/n. There was no room for hurt, however, it was harder than it sounded to prove it to someone who had only seen the love that came with nothing but havoc and brutality.

“You always are when it gets hard yet it’s fine the way it is?” 

“Fuck off, Aeri.” She exhaled as Y/n left her hold, leaving her to silently wipe at her tears in the now-empty room. Those tears that she would be wiping for the next few days if not weeks. There was no one else to do it for her. No one to mend her heart because even if Y/n left, it was still with her; aching at the distance that made her feel weak and sick.

Aeri didn’t say more, she didn’t do anything more, she didn’t chase, not at the moment; this wasn’t the first time Y/n was done with her. It was an endless cycle with her girlfriend–temporarily ex-girlfriend now–and she knew that she had to wait a few days or weeks until she could pull Y/n back in and show her that she loved her, that there was love for her, that it could all work out if she let Aeri in.

She was, in the end, willing to sacrifice for her love. 

masterlist

[sunflowervoltwentyeight]

Happy 28th! Here is my April 2025 fic rec, organized by word count, from longest to shortest. You can view my other fic recs here. Enjoy!

Swansong by shaylea (181k)

What do you after all your dreams have come true? And you're discovering just how much they've cost you?

Twenty years ago, Louis, Harry, Zayn, Liam and Niall were the first actors to play Billy in the musical Billy Elliot in the West End. Their dreams of stardom led them down different roads, but now the Billys have been reunited on tour in Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake. Each of them is at a crossroads in their life and it's time to figure out what comes next.

For Harry and Louis, it's the first time they've seen each other since they broke up a decade ago after starring in this same show together. Liam and Zayn have some decisions to make about balancing their careers with their long-term relationship. And Niall wants to find out if he made the right decision when he turned his back on dance.

Our Sentences Will Never End by eversincezourry / @eversincezourry (111k)

"How long have you been a probation officer, Harry?"

"Almost a year." He pauses, "Why?"

Louis hums. "I could run away right now.”

Harry purses his lips. "Do you want to?"

or

Louis served five years, and now, he’s determined to stay out of Rikers Island. Then there’s Harry, his probation officer, who sees more than just a troubled past. But as their relationship blossoms, the lines between duty and desire blur.

But I Could Be Your Obsession by staybeautiful / @harruandlou (45k)

Through the windshield he could see a maintenance road up ahead. “Turn in there.”

As Harry was pulling off, Louis pulled open the glove box, dropping both their phones in the cup holders and rifling through the inside of it.

“What’s wrong?”

Finding the lube, Louis tossed it in Harry's lap. “You’re hot. It’s annoying.”

It’s the summer before Louis' senior year of college and he’s spending it getting drunk with his friends, working an internship he hates, and hooking up with Harry, the ‘straight’ frat boy he met in January. There’s only six weeks until school starts.

Sweet Like Honey by falsegoodnight / @falsegoodnight (33k) Weeks of flat shopping with their limited budget with Louis as a librarian aid and Harry as a barista and arguments about whether a balcony or extended bathroom suite were more important (Harry wanted to be able to feel the crisp night’s air and watch the sun set and Louis just wanted to take long bubble baths) led to them stumbling across the perfect fit. A small flat only ten minutes from campus with a cramped but lovely balcony and an included bath. 

It’s affordable too… well, sort of. But they always manage. Louis picks up more shifts as an aid, adapting a habit of bringing his Psych textbooks and homework with him to finish in between duties, and later his script so he can quietly practice lines with little distraction.

Harry also increases his number of shifts at the cafe and valiantly endures the nasty customers who for some reason flock to their establishment like moths to a flame. 

For a while, it’s enough.

-

Or, Harry and Louis need money and they find an unconventional solution in the form of PornHub. It’s not supposed to be a big deal.

Time Slows Down Whenever You're Around by wildestdreams  / @thelavendrhaze (14k)

“Why did you two break up again?”

Harry turned to face Zayn again. “We had a fight sometime after we graduated from 8th grade. It was the summer before high school would start and it was a big blow out. I don’t even remember what it was about to tell you the truth. After that we lost touch. We came to high school and he got a girlfriend, joined the footie team. I found new friends and new interests.” Harry paused, while he grabbed the broom to pick up some stray petals and leaves. “Honestly, if it weren’t for you and Liam getting together, who knows if the two of us would have ever patched up.”

“I don’t know,” Zayn shrugged. “You were best friends and I feel like it was meant to be.”

“Yeah,” Harry said. “Best friends…that’s it. That’s all it was meant to be.”

or Louis plays "soccer" and falls for the wrong boy and Harry works in a flower shop and falls for Louis — again.

Six Ways to Sunday by SilverStuff50 / @silverstuff50 (11k)

Prompt 97: H is an award winning actor who’s a massive fan of The Six, an indie band fronted by a certain LT. H confesses his love for the band in an interview, L takes the piss when asked about him, saying H isn’t cool enough to stan The Six. An internet feud starts with the fandoms facing off, whilst behind the scenes H’s secret crush on L makes him determined to change the man’s mind about him. While the fandoms are at war, the two men bicker over Twitter, but behind the scenes the ice is slowly thawing.

Or: Harry’s a fanboy and Louis secretly likes the fact. Or maybe not so secretly….

X Marks The Spot by galactic_larry / @galacticlarry (4k)

Breaking up six weeks before their best friends’ wedding wasn’t ideal, especially given the fact that both Harry and Louis are part of the wedding party.

What happens when they see each other at the wedding and actually get a moment alone during the reception?