#or else just going ‘it’s not a big deal’ and talking to fill up space to once again try to distract me

[secondpersonpoetry]

you’ve probably already read it before, but the poem Party by Kim Addonizio really got me tonight. first thought was “oh man. yeah” and then my second thought was “how can i make this about my hockey guys somehow………..”anyway! have a good one! 

oh. oh.

​

[j-esbian]

i get annoyed and talk shit but i really am soso grateful for my parents.

[alastor-simp]

Alastor with a female reader who is selectively mute Part 2

Here is part 2 of this story. Mimzy is gonna be in this story as well, since we havent heard her talk yet or what her personality is like, im just gonna write how I think she will talk and act. Enjoy everyone:)

***5 Months Later***

You had adapted to hell surprisingly well. Yes there was some bumps along the way, due to you being mute, but you adjusted as time went on. Your relationships with everyone in the hotel had grown significantly. Charlie adored you and loved you like a sister. She was this close to telling her dad if it was possible to adopt you into the family, but you frantically declined as you suspected it would complicate things, but it was sweet that she loved you so much to do that. Vaggie slowly adjusted to you, don't blame her, she was always untrustworthy of everyone in the hotel, but she came around sooner or later. She offered to teach you some self defense as you were still an easy target. It was a bit difficult, but you managed despite your clumsiness. Angel Dust was a bit annoying in the beginning as he really wanted to hear your voice, but the puppy dog eyes you gave him made him quit. Now he treats you like his bestie, taking you shopping and having you attend some of his shows, which flustered you, but you wanted to support him. Niffty found you adorable when you first met and she still does. She has tried not to speed run towards you, since it always shocked you, causing you to drop your notepad in the past. It took a while, but she was able to do it. Husk was literally your dad figure. He always came over when you appeared upset about something and offered to cheer you up with his card tricks or make you a virgin cocktail, especially since your alcohol tolerance was negative 1000. You loved that he became that caring towards you, especially how gruff he was with everyone else. Sir Pentious was a new addition to the hotel. He first appeared when he tried to blow up the hotel a second time, only for Al to defeat him easily. Later after that, he became a patron at the hotel. He wondered why you didn't speak, but after a talk with Charlie and Vaggie, he no longer questioned it. He did enjoy your company, whenever you came to his work space, as he was crafting his inventions. His Egg Bois adored you as well, which pleased him. Alastor had become almost your protector/best friend. Its crazy to think how in the beginning, he was a bit annoyed when you didn't respond to his question, to now where he was always there to help you whenever you were in a pickle. His radio tower was your sanctuary as you always headed up there during his broadcasts. Alastor would always anticipate you coming as well, as it made his day a whole lot better whenever you showed up and took a seat next to him, admiring him as he continued his broadcast.

Getting ready for the day, you stood in front of your mirror, making sure you look spiffy. Alastor had invited you to attend one of Mimzy's shows at her club. Excitement raced through your body, and you nodded quickly when he asked you. Alastor mentioned before that her shows were very entertaining, so it made you very happy when he invited you to come. After a few minutes of looking yourself over, you walked over to the bed and grabbed the cell phone that was there. Charlie had gotten you it a few weeks ago as a gift. She had installed a text to speech app on it, so whatever you typed on the phone, a voice would respond back. Tears filled your eyes when she gave it to you, almost apologizing for all the trouble she had to go through to get it for you, but she said it was fine and it hardly cost anything. You knew she was royalty, so one cell phone wouldn't be a big deal, but it was to you. After a bunch of persuasion from Charlie saying it was really alright, you accepted the cell phone, not before engulfing Charlie in a hug. It took a while to get use to it, but it got easier over time, and it was a whole lot better then the notepad.

Rushing out of the room, your feet carried you over to the lobby, where a certain deer demon was patiently waiting. Alastor's ear twitched when he heard the pitter patter of your feet, turning to face you with a smile. Stopping to catch your breath, you stood in front of Al and gave a small wave, causing him to chuckle. His eyes scanned your outfit and found it to be perfect for today's activities. "Excited are we, my dear?" Looking at Al, you nodded your head, smiling widely. How adorable he thought. Hooking his arm with yours, Alastor banged his microphone on the ground, causing a portal to open in front of you. "Transporting like this may be new to you, my dear! Hold on tight!" The both of you entered the portal. It felt extremely odd, but you powered through it. The portal had brought you in front of a large building, with a large neon sign reading "Mimzy's." There was a crowd of demons around the building, probably ready for the show, as Mimzy was very popular. Entering inside, your eyes were drawn to the decor. It was a lavish place, the walls were covered in burlesque posters, and string lights decorated the ceiling. It had a very spacious bar and in the center of the room was a large stage with a small band in the background. Heading over to a certain section, there was a table that read VIP. This must be for us, since Alastor was a frequent visitor at this place. Sitting down in the seat, Alastor called over a server, asking for their most popular giggle water, while turning to you and asking what you would like. Taking your phone out, you typed your answer and played it out:

"𝙹𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚊 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚕𝚎𝚢 𝚝𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎."

The server was confused at that, but just shrugged and nodded while going over to complete the order. Alastor was not fond that you had to resort to that annoying technology to speak, but he did noticed how more calm you were using it then the notepad, so he kept his opinion to himself. After the server returned with the drinks, the lights began to dim, and the crowd began to let out cheers, as the main entertainer made her way to the stage. Mimzy was a very short demon, a little chubby, but very gorgeous. Her flapper dress suit her very well, as she made her way to the center of the stage. "Good evening, Ladies and Gents! Y'all ready for tonight's performance?" Cheers and whistles were the response to that. "That's what I like to hear! Hit it boys!" The stage lights flashed, as Mimzy walked closer to the front of the stage, standing in front of the microphone, ready to amaze everyone.

(LOVE THIS SINGER, Check her out)

The performance drew to a close, and you were blown away. Her voice was amazing. Loud cheers and applause radiated throughout the whole room, as Mimzy gave a bow. Both you and Alastor clapped with the crowd as Mimzy left the stage, leaving the band there, as they played some jazz to keep the entertainment alive. Alastor turned towards you, asking if you enjoyed the show, to which you responded with an enthusiastic nod. "Why Alastor! You made it" a familiar voice, called out from behind the both of you, as you saw Mimzy walking towards the both of you. "Of course, Mimzy my dear! You do know how much I adore your performances!" Alastor smiled as he greeted Mimzy, placing a kiss on her hand. Mimzy's eyes then locked on you. Oh boy, you hoped she was friendly. "Oh My Goodness! Who is this adorable little peach?!" Oh thank Lucifer, she was a nice demon. "Ah yes! This is another acquaintance of mine! Say hello my dear!" Mimzy glanced at Al when he spoke, then turned back to you with a kind smile. "How ya doin suga~? Did my voice blow you away?" Feeling uncertain, you wondered if she was going to treat you differently if she knew you were a mute. She seemed friendly enough, plus Al said she was a good friend. Slowly you grabbed your phone and typed out what you wanted to say to Mimzy.

𝚈𝚎𝚜! 𝙸 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑. 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚖𝚊𝚣𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎. 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚖𝚞𝚝𝚎, 𝚜𝚘 𝙸 𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚣𝚎 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚋𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚍𝚍.

After the voice played, you pointed your eyes to the ground, feeling very shy. Clenching your hands under the table, you worried Mimzy was going to mock you for not speaking. "Oh my satan! Alastor, where did you find this angel? She is simply precious!" Mimzy had grabbed your cheeks, and began to squish them, like what a mother would do to a baby. "She had arrived in Hell a few months ago! She is a shy little one!" Alastor chuckled as he watched Mimzy coo at you. "No apologies needed suga~! Just happy you enjoyed the show! Here, let me give you a VIP pass so you can visit with no problems. Okay, darling?" Mimzy let go of your cheeks, and handed you the card. She had a very motherly side to her, which you liked. Grabbing the card, you nodded your head and smiled. Mimzy smiled and hugged you again. She then departed both of you as she had to meet up with some gents on the other side of the room. Both you and Alastor stayed at the club for a little bit, chatting about certain topics until you realized it had gotten late. Exiting the building, both you and Alastor decided to walk back to the hotel. Could have teleported, but the breeze was nice plus you both needed to stretch your legs after sitting for a long time. Your arm was hooked with Al's as he walked with you. Always such a gentleman. After walking for a couple of minutes, Alastor had stopped in his tracks. "My dear, may I ask you a question?" Alastor turned towards you, as he let your arm go, as he left you to stand in front of him. Staring into his eyes, you looked to see if there was any evidence of anger in them, but you found none. There was a little hint of sadness though, yet Alastor was still smiling. "I noticed during conversations with others, you always apologize! Why is that, my dear?" Tilting his head at you, he waited for your response.

Painful memories from your past began to flash in your mind once Alastor asked that question. Tears started to form, but they were blinked away. Reaching for your phone with trembling hands, you slowly wrote your answer and played it for Al.

𝙳𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚍𝚒𝚍. 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚍𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚜𝚊𝚠 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚜 𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚢, 𝚊 𝚏𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔, 𝚊 𝚠𝚎𝚒𝚛𝚍𝚘. 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚊𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚜𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚝. 𝙾𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎, 𝙸 𝚋𝚎𝚐𝚊𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚣𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐. 𝙸𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚊𝚞𝚕𝚝 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝙸 𝚊𝚖, 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚘𝚠𝚗.

Tears rolled down your cheeks, as you pointed your head to the ground. Everything you felt from back then began to pour out of you, and you couldn't stop. Alastor was silent in front of you, and you figured he was upset with you, but before you could type a response, you were caught off when you felt someone wrap their arms around you. You found your head being placed in the crook of his neck, as he held you tightly. HE WAS HUGGING YOU?!? The last months while staying at the hotel, you were able to find out that Alastor didn't liked being touch. Yes, he would touch you and the others, but it mostly involved an arm hook, slight shoulder hug or head pat. You never expected that Al would be hugging you like this. After a few seconds, he began to speak. "I am truly sorry you had to suffer through that, my dear! But let me tell you this, people who mock and taunt others for being odd or a little strange are the ẗ̸̝́r̴̦̒u̵̦̅ē̴̢ ̶̰̈́s̴̱̈c̷̪͒ù̶̧m̶͇͐ ̸͎̔ò̴̦f̸͔̈́ ̶̦̃t̶͈̽h̶̟͌ȩ̴̾ ̴̯̀è̴͍a̴̞͝r̸͙̊t̸̰̕h̸̤̉! They are the true monsters! Don't believe their heinous words! To me, you are the sweetest and most unique demon in all of the seven rings! Never apologize for being the way you are ever again!" His words made you cry even more. Moving your hands slowly, you placed them on his back, tightening the hug. You felt the slight flinch from his body when you did that, but he slowly relaxed and squeezed you tighter.

The hug lasted for a bit before Al slowly released you, snapping his fingers to have a handkerchief appear in his hands, as he wiped your tears away. Once he finished, he leaned down and placed his hands on the sides of your mouth, moving them up to make it appear you were smiling. "Come on, my dear! Smile!" The smile on his face was outstretched, revealing all of his sharp teeth. His antics never ceased to make you laugh. Looking at him, you gave him a great big smile. Chuckling, Al leaned back up and grabbed your arm again, continuing his walk back to the hotel. After about a few minutes of walking, you both stopped in your tracks as an unknown voice called out to the both of you. "Well well well, if it isn't the Radio Demon."

*(TO BE CONTINUED)*

Part 1 of the Story is Here

Part 3 of the story is Here

[occamstfs]

Chauffeur Swap

Another epistolary TF ! Cocky office worker to an equally cocky gym bro, trait swap + IQ Drain aplenty -Occam

Monday May 6th

Morning 

I’m beyond thrilled that I’m finally being looked at for a promotion. I’ve worked my ass off for this company ever since I graduated and I am not going to let this chance slip through my fingers. It’s such a good gig, in the week leading up to them filling the position they’re letting us use the company’s chauffeurs as just one little hint of the luxury this promotion will afford us.

At least, that’s what I thought before my driver arrived to pick me up and I saw what a slob of a man my driver was! I mean my word! I thought it was a prank or something else untoward! I’m sure he could tell too, I could not muster even a shy smile, nothing to do but grimace. God and that was before I got in! He must have just been an Uber hired or something because it smelled like a locker room in there! Truly vile!

God willing this is a one off occurrence, hate to get the oaf in trouble. Though judging by the state of his hygiene though he clearly needs to be taught a lesson somehow! I mean even with this job I couldn't afford to buy cologne enough to hide that stink- perhaps some dog-strength febreze- Ha!

Evening

Godddd fuck! The last thing I needed after such a stressful day was to be greeted by that animal’s face- worse yet, his SCENT! I underestimated just how grueling this interview charade would be. It is just one final hurdle to the big leagues though. I will leave petty contrivances like suffering through this unpleasant car ride behind.

Just to make the time pass with greater speed I put forth some small talk. Not like I could hold my breath near long enough to make a difference, and it couldn’t hurt to vent about what a hassle the day had been hm? After this though he started talking about himself and fwoh- could I not care less about whatever surely protein-fart based drivel or beer-brained diatribe he launched into. 

Perhaps this is unfair, I did not deign to listen to him. So perhaps he’s better than he seems. But who could blame me, sitting in that car was punishment enough to earn me tuning him out. And! And! For him to have the benefit of the doubt surely he could at least wear deodorant! Hm. Unless he is trying? God that would be depressing, to be so, ugh- I continue to hold out hope I never see him again

Tuesday May 7th

Morning

Mm, I simply must develop a better poker face if I am to continue to suffer in this odor for the week, god forbid even longer- I have prepared accordingly however, yesterday no one mentioned it at work but I swear I kept smelling it, him, all day? Same when I got home, just everytime I calmed down from work bam! I smelled this horrid car ride. I am bringing my cologne to work with me, I plan to put it at lest once more when I arrive at work.

It’s just, Why is this my problem right! I don’t know what his problem is, but I don’t see why I have to suffer because of it right? I should not have to deal with someone like this, he’s supposed to be working for me. I uh, it’s not like I think I’m better than him I just, well I am better than him. Hm, I lost my train of thought. 

Ugh, I keep spacing out today- I’m sure it has to do with my twice-daily rides with, hm. I don’t even know his name. It’s? You know I don’t care. I just need to take it easy, I’m not letting this fucking dude-bro pitstain of a man bother me this much! I’m getting my bag and he is not worth a second further of my, uh, attention.

Evening

I have a headache and I don’t know how it is his fault but it has to be. This whole thing is setting me on edge, I need to chill about Ben. That’s right Ben! I got his name, I actually told him about my headache and he told me that he usually meditates to clear his mind- which crazy that someone so, despite all appearances, mindful treats his body like a sty but- Well not a sty I suppose, or at the very least a well built one- 

Ah, that’s not quite appropriate is it. God he is hot though. Honestly sitting there just breathing in his, uh, scent, helped with the headache. Wait no, it was the meditation, God, why can I not stop thinking of his fucking B.o. My headache was gone but now I feel I’m beginning to run a fever, or at the very least I need to turn down the AC or something-

Better not affect my work tomorrow.

Wednesday May 8th

Morning 

Not gonna be a good one. I fucking woke up late which ive literally never done before! I barely got myself up and ready in time and didn’t realize until the car but I didn’t bring my cologne with me. It turned out to be the least of my problems however as when I got in his car I fully spilled my coffee all over the backseat. Hopefully this will mask his putridity because I now have to sit in the front with him for the ride.

He must know. He has to know it has to be some kinda sick, uh, fetish or something. Its untendable untenable. god get your shit together Jacob. Its so hard to focus on anything else now that Im sitting right by him. I need to talk to someone about this, fuck its like hes exposing his pits on purpose. He wants me to stare at him, i bet. Bet he gets some sort of sick rise out of me. Im sure him and all the other chauffeurs probably get together and jack off about how repulsive and, uh, strong they all are.

God Fuck! Get me out of this car im losing my mind! Need to, ill just get some work done on the commute, should help i think. God its getting hot in here again or something, so help me if this fucker starts actively sweating im gonna lose it

Evening

i just couldnt get anything done today i dont know what was fucking up dude? it was just so hot in there and i mustve forgotten to put deodorant on this morning, people kept complaining but i didnt even notice? i guess i was sweating more than usual, but like, it was so hot in that office and my clothes felt weird, tight almost. As if tho, lol im sure no one even really noticed that i was off.

OH speaking of, Ben really put himself together on the ride home today. He was wearing a button up and everything, must have seen how nice im living and got his shit together! Maybe ive been to hard on the douche? nah car still smelled like shit haha! Or i think it did? didnt really notice it until like halfway thru?

Fuck my clothes are so tight all of a sudden, godd its so hot actually. I look fucking huge in this tiny little monkey suit- almost like Benjamin ha- as if id stoop so low, even if i started getting massive not like id be dum enough to be on his level lol

Thursday May 9th

Morning

Fuckin couldnt find ANYTHING this morning dude! it was like someone came in and took or hid everything i need for work today. ended up having to just fuckin leave for the car without a suit jacket- pretty sure ive got an extra in my office tho so were chill there. mm probably shouldve shaved tho lol

Oh yeah the files! i had some reports that i needed to bring in but totally couldnt find them! Turns out benjamin had them the whole time it was weird, guess i left them last night. but he was like such an ass about it, like he knows anything though the uh, jock, jerk uh. hes actually dressed better than me rn isnt he. Finally threw on a dress shirt, surely inspired by me haha- pulling it off quite well too, his chest hair peaking up through mm-

Fuckkk dude my cocks kinda getting hard looking at him, starting to smell musty in the car too, wait oh shit i didnt even notice that it didnt reek when i got in! weird that its starting to stink now tho whats up with that, looks like hes finally noticing tho ha! its nice to see him finally react to how bad my uh, no how I GOD, how bad fuckin’ he stinks obviously. whatever, ive got more important stuff to think about.

Evening 

okay work was like, not fuckin chill today. idk what was up but like, every little thing i did today just wasnt good enough apparently like okay?? you know me, if something seems off clearly, fucking OBVIOUSLY it uh, i? god my head just keeps going blank i dont get it, im just. Huh, kinda smells like Ben all of a sudden, oh fuck lol my pits have completely sweat through my shirt-

None of this matters anyway though bro! Because i just had the BEST sesh with Ben after work!! honestly the work shit doesnt even bother me, shouldve seen me its like i am a natural at this shit i was getting a pump like ive done it a hundred times. im sure it smelled like a locker room on the ride home lol

OH! I didnt even say, it was all ben’s idea!!! he said the gym always helps him when uh, things get too hard to think about and fuckk bro hes so right. hes so, lol i almost said hes so smart- he definitely knows how to work out though, he kept helping me with my technique but im prety sure he just wanted an excuse to touch me- 

not that im complaining LMAO- every time he did it was like i felt myself getting stronger, and less worried about all those yes-man suit fuckers! hed adjust my arms and i would feel my biceps just suddenly pump larger, hed bump his hands into my pecs while spotting me and theyd just force the bar up even faster, wish hed just go ahead and grab my cock lol

theres time yet too- gonna crash at his place tonight! hopefully ill get to see him put his magic fingers and tight body to use cause fuck bro idk if it was the pump or what but i dont think my balls have ever been this blue, like any time i try to think about, oh ughh, work i just. mm everything in my body just begs me to fucking blow a load- 

Friday May 10th

Morning

fucker just went to bed early- got me all riled up and then i had to jack off alone. felt way better than usual tho, my cock seems bigger to lol, dk whats up with that. wanted to try again this morning but ben was just on my fucking ass trying to get me out the door 

i didnt have any of my clothes, duh, so i just threw on some of his, crazy how much they fit me? they even kinda already smell like me lol. he actually put a suit on which seems wild, funny that i look like a slob and he looks like some uh, fancy guy. Like i should right? uhh is my headache coming back? lol idk but looking at him in that fucking suit sure is making it hard to focus-

ben said i can just change n stuff when we got to the office, its why hes dressed up. ill go ahead and drive us and then hell just run up and get my clothes, idk if theyll fit tho? feel like im larger than i was for some reason- oh yeah my massive fucking pump lol- 

mh speaking of pump, maybe while hes up there ill have time to jack another one out, not like anyonell see or care ya? like its a problem im about to be the fuckin alpha of this company or uh, something. itll be done before hes back, only evidence will be cum stains on his clothes lol. ugh it smells so fucking dank in here i might just cum without touching it lol

Evening

shit man, dont know what i was doing? i feel like i was supposed to go into work today but ben says from now on im just his driver. which easy gig right lol? doesnt even care that i dont shower huhuh-

he got his big promotion today!!! he looked so smug and hot when he came down to tell me, and he promised wed have some fun about it when he got home tonight- just gotta drop him off at some stupid fancy dinner ill probably hit the gym while hes there. gotta keep it up or ill look like some fucking dweeb

plus that means ill get the car totaly filled with my bo- hell fuckin love that, after he gets a good whiff no way wil he not want to fuck then and there huhuh fuck, kinda needs to get that exercise in now that hes doing whatever bitchass shit they do all they day up there needs to give in and just fuck me finally its been so, ugh long and my balls feel so full, and im sweating so much god im fogging up the windows loli better be careful i need to keep it together until then urgh- 

god i just smell so fucken hot

[domm1etae]

Hot Tub Revelations

welcome to domm1etae's kinktober day 5 : nipple play

san x f!reader

4.4k

When you and San sneak off to the hot tub for some steamy fun at the cabin, things heat up way more than expected

nsfw tags under

m/f, top top san, bottom reader, oral sex, dirty talk, teasing, pet names, hot tub, nipple play, public space, make out, handjob, fingering, kissing

Requests OPEN! - let me know through the ask button if you have any requests for this Kinktober

navigation | kinktober masterlist

“Hey, San, feel like joining me in the hot tub?” you called out, breaking the easy silence in the cozy living room of the cabin.

San paused, chopsticks in hand, hovering over a steaming plate of tteokbokki. His eyes flicked toward you, filled with mild curiosity, as if he wasn’t sure he heard you correctly. After a beat, he popped a rice cake into his mouth, chewing slowly as he contemplated your question.

“You’re serious?” he finally asked, his voice tinged with amusement.

“Completely,” you shot back, flashing him a grin as you tugged your hoodie closer around yourself. “We’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves on this trip, right? The hot tub is the best way to relax after being snowed in.”

San gave you a once-over, his lips twitching as he tried to hide a smile. “You do realize it’s, like, negative degrees out there, right?”

You rolled your eyes. “Obviously. That’s why the hot tub is perfect—it’s warm. Trust me, it’ll feel amazing.”

He chuckled, shaking his head as he pushed his plate aside. “You’re really set on this, aren’t you?”

“Yup.” You stretched your arms above your head, your muscles aching slightly from the long day spent hiking earlier with the rest of the guys. “Everyone else is passed out or playing games. Come on, San, when’s the next time we’ll get a cabin like this for two whole weeks? We might as well take advantage of the perks.”

San sighed, but you could tell from the way he was already standing up that he was going to give in. He glanced out the window, where thick snow was still falling, covering the surrounding forest in a heavy, white blanket.

“You really want to drag me out into this frozen wasteland?” he teased, running a hand through his hair. “You must have some ulterior motive.”

You smirked, pulling your hat down over your ears as you headed toward the door. “Maybe I do. Or maybe I just want to soak in a hot tub with a nice view.”

He snorted, grabbing a towel and following you reluctantly. “Fine, but I’m holding you to that promise to make me more tteokbokki later.”

“Deal!” you laughed as the two of you stepped outside into the frigid air. The cold hit you like a wall, biting at your exposed skin, but you hurried toward the hot tub, eager to escape into its warmth.

As you stripped down to your swimsuit and slipped into the water, a blissful sigh escaped your lips. The contrast between the cold night air and the hot bubbling water was heavenly, instantly melting away the tension in your muscles.

San took his time getting in, shivering as he peeled off his hoodie and jogged over to the tub. “You owe me big for this,” he muttered under his breath, his face scrunching up as he gingerly lowered himself into the steaming water.

“Stop complaining,” you teased, leaning back against the edge of the tub. “You’ll thank me once you warm up.”

He huffed, but you noticed the way his shoulders relaxed almost immediately, the heat of the water working its magic. “Alright, I admit it… this feels pretty damn good.”

“Told you so,” you said smugly, watching him settle across from you.

You both fell into a comfortable silence for a few moments, the only sound the gentle bubbling of the jets and the soft whistle of wind through the trees. The stars overhead were barely visible through the swirling snow, creating a serene winter wonderland around you.

“I can’t believe the guys are all missing out on this,” you mused, breaking the quiet.

San shrugged, his eyes half-closed as he sank deeper into the water. “They’ll probably wake up in a couple of hours and join us. We’ve still got another week of this trip left.”

“True.” You smiled at the thought of the rest of ATEEZ spread out inside the cabin, either asleep from exhaustion or still buzzing from the day’s adventures. It had been a last-minute idea to rent the place for two weeks of relaxation, a break from their usual busy schedules. So far, it had been perfect—just you, the snow-covered mountains, and the warmth of the fire in the evenings.

San opened one eye and glanced at you. “Still, I’m surprised you dragged me out here. You usually let me hide away with my snacks.”

You chuckled. “I needed company for this. And besides, I couldn’t let you miss out on the full cabin experience.”

“Full cabin experience, huh?” His lips curled into a playful smirk as his eyes roamed over your face, taking in your relaxed expression. “You mean soaking in a hot tub while snow falls around us? Yeah, that’s a pretty good experience.”

You shrugged, your own gaze drifting over him as he stretched his arms lazily along the edge of the tub. The way his muscles flexed under the water’s surface sent a shiver down your spine, and you quickly looked away before he noticed.

Unfortunately for you, he did.

“Something on your mind?” San asked, his voice lower now, teasing.

You tried to play it off. “Just thinking about how lucky we are to have this whole place to ourselves.”

“Uh-huh.” He wasn’t buying it, and the way his eyes narrowed on you sent a wave of heat that had nothing to do with the water. “Or maybe you were checking me out.”

You scoffed, splashing him lightly with water. “Oh, please.”

But his grin only widened, and in one swift motion, he reached across the tub, pulling you toward him so quickly you barely had time to react. Your body slid over his lap until you were straddling him in the water, the warmth between your bodies instantly making your heart race.

“San, what are you—”

He cut you off with a smirk, his hands resting on your hips as his dark eyes locked onto yours. “Just getting comfortable. You said something about enjoying the view, right?”

Your pulse quickened at the intensity in his gaze, and you found yourself unable to look away. “I—I was talking about the snow…”

“Sure you were,” he murmured, his hands tightening their grip on your hips as he pulled you closer, your faces inches apart now. “So, tell me… why do you keep looking at me like that?”

You swallowed hard, the air between you thick with tension. “I wasn’t… I mean—”

“Liar,” he whispered, his lips brushing against your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. “You’ve been teasing me all day, and now here we are… just the two of us.”

Your breath hitched as his hands roamed over your sides, pulling you firmly against him. “I wasn’t trying to—”

“Uh-huh.” His voice was a low rumble now, vibrating through you as his lips ghosted over your neck. “So what do you want, then? Because right now… I think I know what you’re after.”

Your mind was spinning, but the moment his lips brushed against your neck, all rational thought flew out the window. You had imagined this scenario—being this close to San, feeling his hands on you—for longer than you cared to admit. Now that it was happening, there was no turning back.

Instead of answering, you leaned in and captured his lips in a kiss, soft at first, testing the waters. But the second San responded, pulling you even closer, the kiss deepened, quickly turning into something heated, something hungry.

His hands roamed across your body under the water, caressing your hips, sliding up your back, while his lips moved against yours with raw, unrestrained passion. The warmth of the hot tub paled in comparison to the fire building between you as you both gave in to the desire that had been simmering for so long.

When he pulled back slightly, his breath hot against your ear, he murmured, “You’ve been thinking about this, haven’t you?”

You nodded, your heart racing as his hands settled on your waist again. “Yeah… for a while.”

His eyes darkened with desire, and his voice dropped lower. “Good. So have I.”

San’s hands gripped your waist more firmly now, fingers pressing into your skin as though he couldn’t get enough of the feel of you. The warmth of the water and his touch combined, making it hard to tell where one sensation ended and the other began. His hands slowly trailed from your waist up to your ribs, thumbs brushing teasingly just under your breasts, but he didn’t move further yet—like he was savoring each moment, each reaction.

You let out a soft gasp, the anticipation building as his thumbs ghosted along the curve of your breasts, so close to touching where you wanted him most, but still holding back. The way his hands explored your body felt both careful and possessive, like he was claiming you in slow, deliberate movements.

When his mouth found yours again, it wasn’t tentative like the first kiss—it was all heat. His lips moved over yours with an intensity that made your heart race, pulling a soft moan from deep within your throat. He nipped at your lower lip, just enough to make your breath hitch, before soothing it with a slow, sensuous drag of his tongue.

Meanwhile, his hands continued their exploration. One hand slipped behind your back, pulling you even closer to him, the other dipping just below the surface of the water, tracing a line back down to your hips, then slipping around to grip your ass firmly. He pressed your body flush against his, the friction between your bodies under the water sending sparks of heat straight to your core.

You could feel the hard lines of his chest against your softer curves, the firm muscles of his thighs beneath you as you straddled him. Every shift, every subtle movement, heightened the awareness of your bodies pressed together, the tension building with every second.

San’s lips left yours, trailing wet kisses down your jaw and to your neck, each one making your skin tingle. He nipped lightly at your earlobe before whispering against your skin, “You like this, don’t you?”

You could only nod, your breath catching in your throat as his hands roamed again, this time venturing higher. His thumb grazed over your nipple through your swimsuit top, and the sensation was electric. You arched into him instinctively, a low whimper escaping your lips at the light touch.

“You’re so sensitive here,” he murmured, his voice rough, almost teasing. His thumb circled the stiffened peak, the wet fabric clinging to your skin, making the sensation more intense. He repeated the motion, this time applying a little more pressure, causing a rush of heat to shoot straight through you.

“San,” you breathed, your voice coming out in a needy whisper as he continued to tease your nipple with slow, deliberate strokes. He pinched it lightly between his fingers, sending a jolt of pleasure through your body that made your hips press harder against his. You could feel his growing arousal beneath you, hard and insistent, and it only fueled your own desire.

His other hand wasn’t idle, either. It moved down your body, skimming over your ribs, your waist, before settling on your thigh. His fingers gripped you there, squeezing lightly before sliding upward, dangerously close to where you ached for him most. He paused just at the edge of your swimsuit bottoms, teasing you, his fingers brushing the sensitive skin of your inner thigh, so close but not quite touching.

“San, please…” The words slipped out before you could stop them, your need for him evident in your voice. Every touch, every kiss had you on edge, your body desperate for more of him.

He let out a soft chuckle, clearly enjoying the effect he was having on you. “You want more?”

You nodded quickly, your hands clutching his shoulders as you fought to keep your breathing steady. “Yes… please.”

His response was a low, rumbling growl against your neck as his fingers finally slid beneath the thin fabric of your swimsuit bottoms. His touch was gentle at first, exploring, as if he wanted to memorize every inch of you. But then his fingers found your clit, and the light, teasing circles he began to rub had your head falling back, a moan escaping your lips.

The sensation was overwhelming, a mix of pleasure and heat pooling deep in your core. His fingers moved with practiced ease, alternating between light, teasing strokes and firmer pressure that had your body responding in ways you couldn’t control. You rocked your hips against his hand, desperate for more friction, more of the intense pleasure he was giving you.

Meanwhile, his mouth had found its way back to your breasts. He tugged down the fabric of your swimsuit top with his teeth, exposing one of your nipples to the cool air before his warm mouth closed around it. The contrast between the hot tub’s heat, the cool air, and the warmth of his mouth on your sensitive skin was dizzying.

San’s tongue flicked over your nipple, and the sensation shot through you like a bolt of lightning. His mouth alternated between soft sucks and gentle bites, his teeth grazing your skin just enough to make your breath hitch. Every little movement sent more pleasure surging through you, your body aching for release.

His free hand, the one still working between your thighs, moved faster now, the circles on your clit becoming more insistent, more precise. Your hips moved on their own, grinding against his hand as the pressure inside you built higher and higher, the pleasure threatening to overwhelm you completely.

You were lost in the sensation, every touch, every kiss driving you closer to the edge. The sound of San’s breathing, ragged and uneven against your skin, only fueled your desire. You could feel how much he wanted you, the hard length of him pressing against your thigh, but he was focused on you, on giving you exactly what you needed.

When his fingers slipped inside you, stretching you, filling you, a sharp gasp tore from your throat. The sensation of his fingers moving inside you, combined with the constant, steady pressure on your clit, was too much. Your body tensed, your muscles tightening as the wave of pleasure built, higher and higher, until it finally crashed over you.

You came hard, your entire body trembling as the orgasm ripped through you, leaving you breathless and clinging to San as wave after wave of pleasure washed over you. His fingers didn’t stop, guiding you through it, drawing out every last bit of pleasure until you were spent, collapsing against his chest, your heart pounding in your chest.

San held you there, his hand still resting gently on your thigh as you came down from the high, his breath hot against your neck. You could feel his own need, the way his body trembled slightly under you, but he hadn’t asked for anything in return.

“You okay?” he murmured against your ear, his voice soft now, tender.

You nodded, still catching your breath, your fingers tracing the lines of his chest as you leaned against him. “More than okay…”

He chuckled softly, kissing the top of your head. “Good.”

San’s lips lingered on the top of your head, his hand resting possessively on your thigh, still gripping you lightly as if he wasn’t ready to let go just yet. The sound of the hot tub bubbling beneath you filled the air, mingling with the faint sounds of laughter and chatter from inside the cabin, a reminder that your friends were only a few feet away—completely unaware of the heated moment you and San had just shared.

The thought sent a rush of excitement through you, your pulse quickening as you realized how close you had come to being discovered. But instead of pulling away or feeling embarrassed, the thrill only heightened your desire for him. The way he had touched you, the way he had brought you to the brink of ecstasy with nothing more than his fingers and mouth, left you wanting more.

You shifted slightly in his lap, feeling his hard length pressing against you through the thin fabric of his swim trunks. He hadn’t gotten his release yet, and you could feel the tension in his body as he tried to hold back, to give you space to recover.

But you didn’t want him to hold back. Not anymore.

With a teasing smile, you reached between your bodies, your hand trailing over his abs, feeling the muscles tense beneath your touch as you moved lower. San’s breath hitched when your hand finally brushed over the bulge in his trunks, and you could feel how badly he wanted you. The heat from his arousal matched the intensity you felt, and you knew he was just as desperate for more as you were.

“Y/N…” His voice was low, a warning, but his body betrayed him. His hips bucked slightly into your hand, the need in him too strong to hide.

You bit your lip, leaning forward to press a slow, deliberate kiss to the hollow of his throat. “What’s wrong, San?” you whispered against his skin, your lips brushing over his collarbone as your hand began to stroke him through the fabric. “You didn’t think I’d forget about you, did you?”

San let out a ragged breath, his hands tightening on your waist as you continued to tease him. His head fell back against the edge of the hot tub, his eyes closing as he tried to steady his breathing. “You’re gonna drive me crazy…” he muttered, but there was no real protest in his voice. If anything, he sounded like he was barely holding it together, each stroke of your hand sending him closer to the edge.

You smiled against his skin, loving the way he was unraveling under your touch. You wanted to make him feel just as good as he had made you feel, to give him the same kind of pleasure he had given you. And you weren’t going to stop until he was completely undone.

Your fingers slipped beneath the waistband of his swim trunks, finally wrapping around his hard length. The moment you touched him, San let out a deep, guttural groan, his hips lifting off the seat as if his body couldn’t help but chase the sensation. He was thick and heavy in your hand, the heat of him pulsing against your palm as you began to stroke him slowly, savoring every reaction.

“Fuck… Y/N…” San’s voice was hoarse, his breathing labored as you continued to pump your hand along his length. His fingers dug into your hips, pulling you tighter against him as he struggled to keep himself from completely losing control.

But you didn’t want him to hold back. You wanted him wild, unrestrained.

Your thumb brushed over the tip of his cock, slick with precum, and you spread it over his length as you quickened your pace, your hand working him with slow, deliberate strokes that had his body trembling beneath you. His moans grew louder, more desperate, and the way his hips moved in time with your hand told you he was close.

But you weren’t done with him yet.

You leaned forward again, capturing his lips in a hungry kiss as your free hand slid up his chest, your fingers trailing over his pecs before finding one of his nipples. You pinched it lightly, rolling it between your fingers, and San let out a sharp gasp against your mouth, his body jerking in response to the unexpected stimulation.

“Y/N…” He was barely holding on now, his voice rough and strained as his hips bucked into your hand with more urgency. “I’m not… I’m not gonna last if you keep…”

But that was exactly what you wanted. You wanted to see him lose control, to watch him come undone beneath your touch.

Your lips left his, trailing hot kisses down his neck, over his chest, until your mouth found his other nipple. You sucked it into your mouth, your tongue flicking over the sensitive bud as your hand continued to work his cock in firm, steady strokes.

San’s reaction was immediate. His head fell back against the tub, a deep moan escaping his lips as his hands clutched at your waist, his entire body trembling with the effort of holding back. But it was no use. You could feel the way his cock twitched in your hand, the way his breathing grew more ragged with each passing second.

He was so close.

“Y/N… fuck… I’m gonna…” His voice was strained, barely a whisper as his hips jerked uncontrollably beneath you.

You didn’t stop. You didn’t let up for even a second. Your hand moved faster, squeezing him just right, your lips and tongue working his nipple with a relentless intensity that had him teetering on the edge.

And then, with a broken moan that was half your name, half a desperate plea, San finally came.

You felt the hot rush of his release spill over your hand, his body convulsing beneath you as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over him. His fingers dug into your skin, holding you close as he rode out his orgasm, his entire body trembling with the intensity of it.

You didn’t stop touching him, didn’t stop kissing him, guiding him through it just as he had done for you. You loved the way he looked in that moment—completely undone, vulnerable, and utterly yours.

When it was over, San collapsed back against the tub, his chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. You leaned forward, pressing a soft, tender kiss to his lips, your hand still resting lightly on his chest as you smiled down at him.

He opened his eyes, staring up at you with a dazed, satisfied grin. “You’re… unbelievable,” he murmured, his voice still thick with exhaustion and pleasure.

You grinned back, giving him a playful kiss on the tip of his nose. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

For a few moments, the two of you simply sat there, wrapped in each other’s arms, the warm water of the hot tub swirling around you. It felt peaceful, intimate, like the rest of the world had faded away, leaving only the two of you.

But the sound of laughter and footsteps from inside the cabin quickly reminded you that you weren’t alone. You both turned toward the door, where you could hear the others moving about, probably getting ready to head outside again.

San chuckled softly, pulling you closer. “We should probably head back in before someone notices we’ve been gone too long.”

You both hurried out of the hot tub, the cool air hitting your wet skin and sending a shiver through you. San helped you tug the cover back over the tub, your fingers fumbling a little from the cold. Once everything was back in place, you quickly grabbed your towels and wrapped them around yourselves, laughing as you stumbled toward the cabin.

Thankfully, the door wasn’t locked, and you slipped back inside the warmth, your body still tingling from the heated moments with San. You thought you had made a clean escape—until you walked into the common area.

There, sprawled across the couches and chairs, were the rest of the ATEEZ members, mid-game of Solitaire. They all turned to look at you and San as you entered, dripping wet and shivering like a pair of soaked rats. You were definitely worse off, your hair still damp and sticking to your neck, while San’s was mostly dry.

Yeosang was the first to speak, his eyebrows raised as he looked between the two of you. “Looks like you had fun.”

You glanced at San, whose lips quirked up in a guilty smile. Before either of you could respond, Wooyoung groaned dramatically, throwing his head back against the couch cushions. “Great, now I don’t want to go in the hot tub anymore.”

Hongjoong, who had been shuffling through the deck of cards, let out an exasperated sigh. “You guys contaminated the tub already? We’ve only been here for one day.”

Seonghwa, ever the calm one, simply shrugged. “Just means we need to clean it before we get in. No big deal.”

“I’m never getting in that thing,” Jongho muttered, folding his arms over his chest with a look of disgust. “You two better be the ones cleaning it.”

Mingi, however, burst out laughing. “Doing it in the hot tub, huh? That’s gotta be a bucket list thing.” He winked, clearly enjoying your flustered expressions.

You pulled your towel tighter around your body, cheeks flushed, not just from the cold. San, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying the attention. “What can I say? It’s a good spot,” he teased, earning a round of groans and playful jeers from the others.

“Come on, San, at least try to be subtle,” Yunho chuckled, though there was a mischievous glint in his eyes as he dealt the next round of cards.

“You should both go get changed before you catch a cold,” Seonghwa suggested kindly, giving you an understanding smile.

“Yeah, and come back for a game,” Hongjoong added. “I could use another victim—I mean, player.”

You and San exchanged amused looks before quickly scurrying off to your rooms, eager to change out of your wet clothes. As you reached your door, San stopped you with a playful grin, leaning closer so only you could hear. “Wanna meet up later? My room?”

You raised an eyebrow at him, pretending to consider his offer. “Not very subtle, San.”

He shrugged, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “I could be even less subtle.”

Before you could respond, you heard a voice from down the hall. “I hope you’re not planning anything scandalous tonight. We’ve got plans to play a drinking game later.” It was Wooyoung, smirking at the two of you from the hallway.

San groaned, and you couldn’t help but laugh. “We’ll see,” you teased before slipping inside your room to change, eager to get back to the others—and perhaps more excited about what might come later.

As you closed the door behind you, you couldn’t stop the smile spreading across your face. The night was still young, and with two weeks left at the cabin, there was no telling what else was in store for you and San. But one thing was for sure—you wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight.

[madi-writes-things]

Stay… (Jake Webber X Reader)

Summary:

“I’m at the hospital” “What do you mean?!”

Word Count: 1,046

TW: Hurt/Comfort, Arguments, Car Accidents, Hospitals, Head Injury, Use of Y/N

You almost never fight, but everyone has their breaking point… and tonight appeared to be both of yours. It wasn’t even anything big. Jake had to go to an important dinner meeting, and you felt left out. By the time he got home you were already in a mood, which only pissed him off. He was just trying to help, but you refused to tell him what was wrong.

“It’s not a big deal.” you lied through your teeth. It hurt your feelings when he didn’t invite you to dinner, when you knew for a fact that the other influencers had brought their partners. “Don’t worry about it” your words were laced with venom.

A look flashed across his face that was unreadable, but his words quickly filled in the context. “Oh… so that’s what we’re doing?” He was really starting to get mad now. It was too late to tell him that it really didn’t matter, and that you just want to forget about the whole ordeal. “You refuse to tell me why your mad, and you just get pissy when i ask… I’m done trying to have a rational fucking discussion with you”

You knew that he was right, but his words just made you more upset. “I shouldn’t have to fucking tell you why I’m mad Jake, maybe if you thought about anyone other than yourself you could figure it out!” At this point tears were streaming down your face, and you could see that they had started to form in his eyes as well. You didn’t mean for it to come out that harsh, but you also didn’t know how else to make him understand that he really hurt you.

“I can’t stand you when you act like this…” He turned to walk to your shared room as he said this. The pain in your heat grew tenfold hearing him say he couldn’t stand you. You knew he didn’t mean it, but that didn’t soften the blow. You immediately walked into y’all’s room and stated grabbing clothes from your drawer, quickly packing them into a tote bag. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He looked confused.

“Since you ‘can’t stand me’ right now, i figured I’d get out of your hair… I’m going to a friends house.” You watched as he tried to think of something to say, before eventually deciding to let you go. You both needed some space and time to reset.

You quickly packed enough clothes for a week, before going down to your car. You wanted him to stop you, but you knew that he wouldn’t. You don’t blame him, you knew he didn’t want you to go… but you also know that he needed space too. As you started driving you realized that you didn’t know where you were going, you decided to find a lot to park in and call a friend.

As you exited the highway you noticed that traffic was coming to a stop, so you started to slow down. A strange sense of panic rushed over you as you looked in your rear view mirror. Oh shit oh shit oh-

***

You woke up 3 minutes later to EMS crowded around your car. You quickly roll your window down and ask what happened. As they explain what happened you reach up to touch your throbbing head, only to see blood on your hand as you pull it away. You got very light headed at the sight of the blood, and suddenly everything was dark again.

***

As soon as you got to the hospital you knew you needed to call Jake. You waited until thy were done with your exam, partially because you wanted to know how bad it was… but mostly because you were scared that Jake wouldn’t answer. How were you supposed to know that Jake had been crying since you left, just hoping you would call. The phone rang three times before you heard a sleepy voice greeting you.

“Y/N?” You realize that you didn’t responded fast enough when he speaks again. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m in the hospital.” Your voice breaks a little at the end, you haven’t stopped crying since you woke up in the ambulance. Unfortunately for the EMS people you refuse to talk abut anything other than the fight.

“What do you mean!?” This broke you, you couldn’t handle the thought of Jake being mad at you anymore. “Y/N, where are you?”

You told him what hospital you were at, and that you were okay. Jake was there in less than five minutes, you didn’t question how he got there so quick. As soon as you saw him you started crying… again. You could see the look on his face change from worry to relief to shock within three seconds of finding you. You understood why… the nurse had let you look at yourself in a mirror, and it wasn’t good.

Once he registered that he had found you, he rushed to you. “What happened, are you okay?” He reached up to inspect the bruises and small cuts on your face. You flinched away. It hurt to move your face, and someone touching it right now wasn’t something you wanted to think of.

“I’m so sorry… for everything” Jake quickly assured you that hew was sorry too, and that it wasn’t your fault that any of this happened. “They said that i could go home as soon as i got a ride.”

***

As soon as you and Jake got home he started making a bed on the couch. It didn’t register what he was doing at first. “You can take the bed, I’m sure it isn’t good to sleep on the couch after an accident.”

He was being so respectful, but all that you wanted was for him to hold you and tell you that everything was going to be okay. “Don’t…” It was so quiet that he almost didn’t hear it, you didn’t know what to say. “Can you please stay with me, I don’t want to be alone.” He followed you to y’all’s shared bed, doing his best to hold you without upsetting a bruise. You fell asleep to him telling you how much he loves you, and you’ve never felt safer.

———————————————————

I hope that y’all enjoyed it, feel free to send a request my way.

-Madi <;3

[star-hoon]

VERSION OF ME — (p. sunghoon)

"CAN YOU LOVE THE VERSION OF ME, I DON'T LET ANYBODY ELSE SEE?"

— MASTERLIST

pairing: sunghoon x fem reader (oneshot)

includes/warnings (16+):  comfort/healing from dark past! au — fluff, angst, profanity, comfort, implied reader has scars, mentions of food/eating  (let me know if i missed anything!)

word count: 1.8k [not proofread]

synopsis: you and sunghoon have been dating for a few months now and he is the definition of your prince charming. but you are finally forced to uncover what you've been hiding from him, and it makes you fear you’ll lose him.

DISCLAIMER: this fic does mention/imply reader has SH scars. it is mentioned without detail and sunghoon is comforting reader about them. *as someone who used to SH, i would never ever mean to trigger anyone. so if this could potentially trigger you, do not read/please proceed with caution.*

author’s note: omg thank you to everyone who read my 'obsessed' & 'intermission' AND for over 110 followers!

i hope you're all okay with this fic idea even its a little on the darker side. but i promise its fluffy n hoon is a sweetie. this one is dedicated to all of you out there who have overcome hardships in the past or dealing with hardships right now, with physical or mental scars. you are so strong, beautiful, and loved!! <3

VERSION OF ME SOUNDTRACK

it was yet the end of another long and arduous day at work. you dragged your feet into the doorway of your apartment, hanging up your bag on the hook in the entry way and removing your shoes that you could feel were forming blisters on your heels.

sighing, you make a beeline to your bedroom. nothing sounded better than a hot shower to change into some comfy clothes. well, maybe one thing sounded better.

cuddling with your boyfriend sunghoon. and his deep voice and hearty laugh. and his silly puns and dad jokes. and him getting so excited talking about film cameras. just—him.

you had never been one to be very clingy nor dependent with your boyfriends. you just valued your own time and pursuing your own goals, but that doesn't mean you care about them any less.

that's why when you and sunghoon started dating 4 months ago, you felt something click in that regard. he fully understood your introverted ways and wouldn't be like the previous guys and complain about feeling 'neglected' or that you were too cold because he knew exactly how it felt to need alone time/your own space and he respected it.

but even still, when you are together he treats you like an absolute princess. carrying your purse for you when you go shopping, opening the car door for you, standing on the side of the sidewalk that faces the street. he also emotionally cared for you, listening to you rant about things big and small and always reassuring you the day before you have a big presentation at work. you felt so deeply cared for and understood, it made your affection for him blossom even more every day.

today was a day that both you and sunghoon had busy schedules so you weren't going to see each other. but you missed him and wanted nothing more than his comforting presence to fill your currently empty apartment.

you made your way to the bathroom, removing your uncomfortable work clothes. as you stood there uncovered you caught sight of yourself in the mirror. you stared down at your arms, the dark marks that littered your skin. you knew you couldn't hide this from him forever.

before you could let any more negative thoughts consume you, you hopped into the shower hoping the hot water can wash away your stress and worries.

after your shower that probably lasted a little too long in some water that was probably a little too hot, you heard a knock at your front door. you peeked to the corner of your phone amidst the tik tok scrolling 10:38 pm.

considering how late it was you were suspicious so you tiptoed to the front door, glancing through the peep hole. it was sunghoon. even though you should feel giddy and excited at the sight of your boyfriend, a twinge of panic arose. you were just wearing a tshirt so your arms were fully exposed, not expecting company. you ran and grabbed the first hoodie you could find. it happened to be one of his.

you opened the front door and there sunghoon stood as handsome as ever, with a bouquet of flowers and a takeout bag. you pouted at the sight in front of you—you were the luckiest girl alive. this was exactly what you needed after a day like today.

"hi hoonie" you softly greeted him, gently hugging him and he leaned down to give you a peck on the cheek. "...what's all this?"

he spoke as he took off his shoes and made his way into the kitchen. "sorry for dropping by so suddenly, i knew weren't planning on seeing each other today but i knew you had a long day and you were gonna be home late so i thought you would want some food. it's your favorite from the restaurant downtown." you nearly started crying, how could be so sweet?

"don't be sorry. thank you, you are seriously the best hoon i missed you a lot today."

"i missed you too. just sit and relax baby, i'll plate everything up for you" sunghoon always insisted on plating food even if it was takeout. he believed it made it taste better, the notion always made you laugh.

despite offering to split the meal with him, he insisted he didn't want any saying he ate dinner earlier. but as you two sat at the dining table chatting about your day, you fed him forkful after forkful anyways.

after finishing the meal you convinced sunghoon to let you wash the dishes. he eventually complied, standing next to you at the sink drying the 3 total dishes you had to wash.

no matter how small the gesture sunghoon was willing to do anything and everything to make it easier for you. you were convinced he came straight out of a fairytale—but your fantasy was going to come crashing down.

"y/n...why do you never roll up your sleeves when you wash the dishes? they're gonna get all wet!" his tone playful.

"i-its fine hoon, these are just a few dishes anyways" you try force a small laugh as a chill runs down your spine.

"come on sweetheart lemme roll 'em up for you..."

"i said it fine-"

his hand reaches towards your sleeves, pulling them up your arm slightly. you reflexively move away from him, your mind went into overdrive.

"SUNGHOON STOP! I SAID IT'S FINE!" your arm harshly shoved his body away from yours, the glass you were holding flying out of your hand. the sound of the glass shattering on the kitchen floor seemed to echo in the room.

silence fell between you two. your eyes wide and brimming with tears, your chest heaving from your heavy breathing. all you could was cup your hands over your mouth, your eyes looking at the broken glass a few feet away from you and then to your boyfriend. his expression made you sick. he has never looked at you this way. you couldn't tell if he was scared, angry, sad. it didn't matter.

"hoon i-i'm so so sorry, i didn't mean to push you. fu-fuck the glass i'm sorry i'll clean it up" large streams of tears flowed down your cheeks and you managed to get the sentence out in between sobs.

you felt yourself spiraling. you dropped to your knees and crawled towards the broken glass. the sight of the the pieces blurry from your tears and you picked up the pieces with your hands and putting the shards in your palm.

sunghoon was more confused than angry at you, it all happened so fast he barely had time to react. but seeing you pick up the shards of glass with your bare hands snapped him back to reality. he dropped down in front of you on the floor.

"baby stop! what're you doing?! you'll hurt yourself" his voiced laced with concern. he put a hand on your arm and cupped the side of your face with his other hand, wiping the tears away with him thumbs.

you couldn't stop the tears from escaping you. you couldn't believe what you just did. sunghoon was just trying to do a sweet, innocent gesture for you and in the end you hurt him. you didn't deserve him. you knew you couldn't hide it from him forever but you didn't think it would all end like this.

he leaned his forehead to yours, searching to meet your eyes. you just couldn't look at him.

"please y/n, what's going on?" his eyes wide and he pleaded for an answer. catching your breath after what felt like countless sobs, you gently placed the shards back on the floor.

"i need to tell you something hoon."

you followed sunghoon's order to meet in your room as he swept up the broken glass. you sat on your bed as you prepared how you were going to explain all of this.

you didn't want to lose him. he was the best thing that has ever happened to you. all you could imagine was his mortified or disgusted face when he sees your arms. the thought made all your tears resurface. sunghoon sat down next to you on your bed.

"i'm sorry for pushing you hoon. i shouldn't have done that." you took a deep breath before continuing.

"i-i've been hiding something from you since we met. i knew i couldn't h-hide it forever, but i never knew how or when to tell you." you didn't know what else to say to explain. you silently pulled up the sleeves of his hoodie you were wearing.

your arms illuminated by the lamp on your bedside table. silent tears ran down your face as you exposed yourself to him. you have never felt so vulnerable, bare, and scared in your entire life.

"sunghoon i-" before you could say anything else, he pulled you into a silent embrace. one hand pushing your waist to be flush against him, and the other to the nape of your neck.

you eventually muster up the courage to pull away to look up at him. silent tears flowed down sunghoon's cheeks. your eyes widened, sunghoon never cried. your lip quivered at the sight. it was your turn to wipe the tears from his cheek as he did for you earlier.

"um i don't really know what else to say but this explains why i've always covered up my arms around you, why i never was intimate with you...even though i really really wanted to..." you let out a chuckle through your cries trying to lighten the mood.

"...i-i'm sorry i'm such a mess. i know you probably didn't want this going into the relationship. i just- i'm so sorry hoon... i get it if this too much for you."

"you don't have anything to be sorry for y/n..." he grabbed your hand to lace it together with his.

"...this is definitely not an easy thing to share. it just breaks my heart to see someone so kind, smart, and beautiful could do this to herself" he kissed your lips, one of his salty tears landed on your lips.

he used your currently intertwined hands to lift up your arms, placing gentle yet tender kisses to each mark on your arms, your breath hitching at his every touch. this was the first time anyone has been so close, seen you at the most vulnerable. and yet he is treating you like you are made of porcelain.

"this isn't too much y/n. i still think you are the most beautiful person i've ever met—inside and out. this is just a reminder or how strong you are and you overcame whatever you faced in the past. i hope one day you can open up and confide in me because i'm here for you baby. through the good and the bad, especially the bad. because i love you."

your heart melted at his comforting and sincere words, now shedding tears of joy.

"i-i love you too hoon, thank you"

taglist (open!): @laylasbunbunny @blackberryrains

ramblings: this made me so soft and healed my past self 🥺 would you guys like to see more full fics/series or oneshots like this?

thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you think <3

reblogs, likes, & comments are always appreciated!!

[enaelyork]

Cooper Howard (ghoul) x fem!reader with this prompt:

*someone smacks readers ass*

*gun clicks*

Ghoul - “oh I really wish you hadn’t have done that”

Hi ! Thx for this request ! Here i go :)

Bad idea ~ The Ghoul x F!Reader

Tw : Injurie, Sexual harassement, insultes

Banners by @saradika

It wasn't a good idea.

However, he was used to bad plans, ever since he roamed the wasteland with the firm intention of surviving there. But he had never made a series of bad decisions so quickly.

Let yourself be convinced to be accompanied. Let his new companion in misfortune enter this mess to make a deal.

Really. That being said, this idiot clearly didn't give him a choice.

And he was obliged to follow it because it was the only possible option to know the route to take towards your next objective. Staying in the background, he observed all the eyes on her.

A woman like that wouldn't often walk through the doors of a bounty hunting establishment.

This interest they had in his associate bothered him more than it should and he felt a certain form of inexplicable anger boiling within him.

- I'll do it. Wait outside.

Sitting at the bar, Y/N turned towards him, her eyes filled with burning determination and resentment. It wouldn't be easy to change her mind, not after your little talk last night.

- Do you want to team up now? The Ghoul returned the bitterness in her eyes, resting her elbow on the counter where she had just swallowed her second glass.

What if he wanted to work in a team? Never ! What if this situation made him crazy? Absolutely.

- I didn't say that, I said you had to wait for me outside.

- And I told you that I would take care of this matter.

And if you continue, you're going to have a lot more business to attend to. He thought, observing the eyes fixed on her again. The irrepressible urge to put out each of those eyes was excruciating and he was going to have to keep a low profile if he didn't want the plan to screw up further.

But everything went to hell the moment this idiot placed his ass on the stool that separated you from her, devouring the entirety of her silhouette with a wicked and disgusting look. He shouldn't get involved. After all, Y/N had gotten into this mess alone, you had nothing to share other than a common quest.

It was now time she truly discovered the horror of the world they lived in. So if this guy wanted to try anything, she would defend herself or find out the hard way that there weren't all good people here.

- What is such a pretty girl like you doing in this shithole? The man stood between them like a thick, disgusting wall.

The Ghoul looked away, hoping that by detaching himself from this pathetic spectacle, he would also curtail his murderous urges.

- The pretty girl doesn't talk to strangers. You better give me some space.

A smile appeared on the Ghoul's mouth. Presumably, guts wasn’t a privilege Y/N reserved for him. And that was probably what he liked most about her, even if he would never admit it.

- Relax, my beauty. In this brutal world I just want to share a moment of gentleness.

And me a bloody parenthesis, but unfortunately we can't have everything. The Ghoul thought, looking down at the back of the man next to him. He had placed an arm on the table and was already handing Y/N a glass.

- I am not thirsty.

- So maybe you want something else?

That's how everything went wrong.

Him and his rudeness, him now clinging to her and his hand sliding up her thigh to go up to her buttock. He touched her with such eagerness that it was embarrassing and although she wanted to slap him, she did not want to attract the attention of the tenants. Big mistake.

- You have a fucking ass, my beauty. Would you like me to warm it up a bit? It seems that not many people have had the opportunity to…

The man didn't finish his sentence, the pressure he felt between his legs and the very characteristic click of a gun about to fire froze him in place.

- What is…

He met nothing but the cold, imperturbable gaze of the Ghoul. The sinister look he hid in the shadow of his hat would have caused the bar to evacuate immediately. Y/N saw him, she felt anger boiling in the pit of her stomach, causing a completely different reaction in her.

- Try touchin' her again and I guarantee you'll never be able to play with what's between your legs again.

- Such a smart one, you. Are you looking for troubles ? I was there before.

- Big mistake, she belongs to me.

- I don’t belong to…

- Shut it up, sweatheart. I have some scores to settle with this guy.

Oh damn, no problem. Y/N grumbled in a whisper mixing anxiety and excitement. Had he really just threatened a guy because he had the misfortune of touching her and feeling her butt? A thin smile appeared on her lips at this idea, but she preferred to leave this strange reaction to the effect of adrenaline.

- Get out of here where you will end up with a hole between your legs and, rest assured, I will think of you when I caress her with your blood on my hands.

It was too much.

No waves.

No shouting.

No tussle.

Just a stupid hunter freeing himself from the coldness of his gun to flee with a step that he wanted to be serene but which betrayed the panic that reigned within him. The ghoul followed him with his gaze, making sure that it wouldn't occur to his to turn back.

When he disappeared from the bar, however, he felt another figure settle down on the stool next to him.

- Did you really just do that?

YN.

She had taken her place there, next to him. Her eyes glided over him with a light he didn't know existed and it upset him. So much so that he preferred to ensure the safety of his weapon before storing it in its holster.

- I did it. And you will quickly forget everything. That and also your stupid idea. Let's get out of here.

He didn't give her time to respond, taking off from the seat to head towards the exit as well. If she stayed there, too bad for her, he wouldn't intervene twice. But her shadow followed him, and he could make out the sound of her footsteps behind his, hastily approaching him.

- It would be a shame to forget the idea that you could touch me.

This is how he understood that she had reduced him to nothing.

Him and his certainty of now being insensitive.

[foreverisntenough]

- YOU’RE MINE -

Summary: While you daydreamed about his face an ocean apart, he had no idea what yours was about to do to him. With a twist of fate and the heat of summer, a new relationship would completely ransack his heart - Everyday heavy with the thought of one another, neither of you were going to let the unexpected love of your life go. You were going to be his, you were his, and you were going to stay his.

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, smut love bombing, occasionally sad, kind of angst- not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: I hope you like it! There will definitely be more parts (don’t know how many just yet though.)

INDEX

Chapter 21 - ‘You’re Mine’

“If you don’t get in your own seat so we can land in Greece I’m gonna kill you” Lauren yelled at you from the other end of the plane.

“Finally, someone putting Y/N in her place, just gets her way all the time.” One of Marcel’s friends piled on.

“Alright, alright, relax…” Trent tried to hush them before nuzzling a little into your neck whispering against your skin. “Wanna get up before we land, beautiful?”

“Don’t wanna” you whispered, still half asleep. “Wanna be back in our bed, T.”

“You’ll have a bed there with me, don’t you worry. C’mon.” He grunted trying to stand up with you latched to him. He managed though and plopped you back on your own seat. The plane landed safely. You all walking off the stairs of the plane into the warm heat.

“I don’t wanna hear anything from you.” You groaned as Lauren came up wrapping her arm around you.

“Relaxxx, Y/N.” She laughed. “It’s fine, we talked about it. It’s all fine.” She attempted to persuade you that her and Marcel fucking wouldn’t be a big deal.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m actually dying though, it's so hot right now.” You ignored her and started to complain, trying to pull your sweatshirt over your head. You still didn’t feel great and the heat was not helping. When you finally got to where you were staying though your sluggish feeling seemed to disappear at the sight of the luxury villa. It was massive and gorgeous, perfectly settled on the coast line. It had a big lawn out back with an infinity pool at its edge, sun loungers, a beach club below accessible by a private set of stairs. The house was modern, big windows floor to ceiling, each bedroom having an outdoor space. You beamed and grabbed at Trent’s waist squeezing him from behind as he carried all your stuff.

“It’s perfect, T!” You quietly squealed as you squeezed him tighter walking into the house.

“You like it? Happy?” He asked, turning his head to try to see you.

“So happy!” You came round him to hold his hand taking it off your suitcase. You tried to carry your own for a moment but struggled so he shook off your hand and continued carrying both bags while leaning over to press a kiss to your temple.

“Just let me do it, I’m serious.” He laughed at your poor attempt to help. You all explored the house noisily, the boys fighting over rooms, Trent knowing the villa took you immediately to the Master bedroom. It had a big bed in the middle of the room, white, filled with pillows, a cement floor, a giant en suite, and a little living space that led to an outdoor space with a fire. Trent collapsed on the big bed as soon as he walked in… dramatically, of course. Sighing.

“You want me to unpack for you?” You asked as you moved the suitcases around towards the walk-in wardrobe.

“Nah, I want you to c’mere.” He gestured lazily for you to come over to him on the bed. Instinctively, you straddled over him. He was already hard the moment you sank down.

“T…” you giggled as his hands moved quickly but smoothly under your clothes.

“C’mon… I’ve got you all over me last night begging me to fuck you. Just lemme touch you now. You don’t want that any more? hmm?” He smuggly teased you for your desperation last night but was similarly begging for you to let him have sex with you now. His hands pulled off your clothes slowly and sensually, you felt yourself start to go from hungover and tired to very turned on and completely soaked.

“Fuck, you feel so good.” You moaned as you grinded your core on top of his hard cock. His lips pressed into yours for a suffocating kiss. Your body laid flush against his as you made out. You sat back up on his lap and your tits bounced in a mesmerizing way that had Trent immediately following you up, his lips around one of your nipples swiftly, his tongue flicking back and forth over it, surrounding it. You were gasping out a moan when his free hand came up to play with your other. “Oh my god, s-shit, that feels so good, baby.” Attending to one and then the other, swapping his mouth for his hand and his hand for his mouth.

“You’re so fucking hot… fuck. Need to be inside you right now, baby.” He moaned, pulling you back down with him to lay on the bed.

“You want to fuck me, T?” You asked teasingly, rubbing your dripping wet core down his hard length beneath you.

“Yeah, baby. Gimme what’s mine. Let me fuck you so good. Let me make you feel good.” He rattled off words but you had a hard time listening after he lined his cock up with your entrance, lifting your ass up and guided you to sink down taking all of him immediately. You were so wet it was seamless but the minimal foreplay made for pleasurable pain from the stretch of him. “You’re such good girl f’me. You okay, baby?” You nodded and started to ride him after adjusting a little. It felt so good you could feel the knot in your stomach form almost immediately. You and Trent just understood each other's bodies, what each of you needed. He naturally hit the perfect spot every time in quick succession. He roughly rolled you over on the bed to be on top of you. Pinning you under him.

“Oh f-fuck!!!” You practically yelled as Trent hit your g-spot hard and fast, again and again and again. You could hear just how wet you were as your walls hugged him tighter. The knot in your stomach was coming undone quicker than you expected. You tried to put your hand over your mouth to muffle your moans but he wasn’t having that. He held your hands above you with restraint as he continued to fuck you.

“Wanna hear how good I’m making you feel, baby.” He whispered against your neck before biting your sensitive skin only pulling another, louder, moan from you.

“T…” you whined. “Please, I’m so close, I’m so… f-fuck!… I’m so close.” You told him squeezing your eyes shut as you started to feel your orgasm approaching. He was so deep inside that you could feel every ridge and vein.

“Shit, just wait a little bit for me, beautiful. You can do it, yeah, just a little more for me. Take it like a good girl.” Trent struggled to get the words out as your pussy started to clench tighter around him. “Tell me how good I make you feel… tell me your mine, this pussy’s mine.” Lost in his own pleasure drilling in and out of you as you whimpered. The warmth of your pussy completely captivating him. Unbeknownst to you, Lauren had opened the door to the master bedroom about halfway with the innocent intention of coming to see your room before she witnessed you getting absolutely railed by your boyfriend. Her eyes blinked a few times in shock at the rough nature but slammed the door closed immediately. Neither you or Trent even noticed the intrusion too focused on the other.

“What?” George came to ask Lauren with a furrowed brow confused as to why she shut the door so fast.

“Well…” she paused for a moment only then for your voice to be heard through the door, answering for her.

“Fuck, you make me feel..ah! so good. F-fuck… this pussy’s all yours, I’m yours… fuckkk.” You could barely get the sentence out as Trent continued to pound into you. His high now approaching. His large hands drew down your body in between you two and began rubbing little circles on your throbbing clit. Your mind turned to mush. His thrusts becoming increasingly sloppier and harsher.

“You’re such a good girl, f’me. Cum all over my cock, yeah? I’m gonna fill you up, baby. Make a fucking mess on my cock while I fill you up.” Trent babbled as you came, your body aching, your eyes squeezing shut again. You were gasping as Trent fucked you through your high.

“T…baby” you moaned, feeling his release painting your insides.

“That’s my good girl…” he said as he pumped you full of his cum extending the pleasure of your high. He laid on top of you completely spent as you both breathed heavily, whispering I love yous back and forth. Every part of Trent was so unfairly pretty you just laid there admiring every inch unable to move.

“Honestly…” George groaned, rolling his eyes at Lauren. The pair heard the whole crescendo of your little session. “Some people just have it all.” He shook his head.

“His dick can’t be that fucking good…” Lauren laughed as they moved away from your room down the corridor.

“I hate that I know he has a big dick too, like what more does he need. He’s one of the best footie players in the world, fucking makes millions of pounds, he looks like that..” George threw his hand back towards the direction of your room. “And… he’s got a big dick, honestly, of course he has a girl like Y/N.” He grumbled but was laughing a little. Trent was his best friend, of course he felt a little jealousy but he loved him, his rant was purely banter.

“She’s not that great…” Lauren said, laughing at George. He just gave her a telling look. “Okay, well..” she laughed a little harder. “She’s fucking perfect, I know! She’s my best friend. I deal with it every day. She’s so hot, her face is beautiful, she’s smart, she’s so nice, everyone loves her… People like them deserve each other. God just wanted them to have it all.”

“It’s ridiculous.” George laughed equally as hard. “I’m jealous to be fair, imagine fucking pulling a bird like Y/N.” He said walking into the kitchen where a Marcel and a friend of his were sat.

“Yeah, mate… I couldn’t. I’ll never have that shot.” Marcel’s friend answered George’s statement openly.

“Guys…” Lauren cooed with a little pout. “You’re all objectively good looking boys don’t act like T is some… ” she paused trying to think of a way to lie to tell them that being a professional athlete didn’t effect his image to women. “I don’t know…but you could all pull your own version of Y/N, someone good for you.”

“I’m out of this conversation…” Marcel remarked moving to open the refrigerator that was next to where Lauren was standing. “Not really interested in a Y/N variation. Shoot my shot elsewhere” He spoke into the fridge before whispering so only Lauren could hear. “What’d you think, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, can do that.” She whispered back, trying to suppress her giggles.

You had dinner that night out at some restaurant so you got ready with Lauren in her room taking your sweet time. The boys attempted to complain about how long you took but seeing as Trent wasn’t phased by the time consumption and their comments falling on deaf ears, they quickly deduced this is how the trip was going to go. They had no say, you were going to get ready as you pleased.

You wore a white linen halter dress that had a ruffled neckline that cut so open and deep you couldn’t even wear pasties so you were just praying your nipples behaved and stayed covered tonight. You opted for a mesh Gucci nude GG heeled sandal that featured the logo monogram patterned in rhinestone crystals across it paired with Bottega Veneta silver drop earrings and matching silver mini Sardine Bag .It was simple but effective.

You made your way into a fun little restaurant tucked on a cobble stone street you were going to worry about in your heels later. It was private and nice to not stress. You sat at a long table with too much liquor on it already. You nestled next to Trent… obviously but anyways…the boys filled the rest of the table and Lauren had neatly placed herself between George and Marcel’s friend, Marcel across from her. A little bit after you all settled you heard a loud familiar voice.

“I’m here, don’t worry” said muddied in a laugh. You picked your head off Trent’s shoulder to see an illuminated, gorgeous, gorgeous, Jude Bellingham.

“Wow, the golden boy graces us with his presence.” Trent mocked. Jude coming over to give him a hug.

“Mrs.TAA, you okay?” Jude laughed at his own joke and planted a kiss on your cheek.

“Yeah, all good. Haven’t seen you in forever, was starting to miss you.” You teased seeing it had been under a week since you last saw him.

“Alright, lads?” Trent said, sticking his arm out to dap up Jobe and Jude’s friend, Toby. They all proceeded to sit at the table for dinner when you felt your phone buzz. You already knew from who. A text from Lauren…

‘Bathroom immediately. Y/N… wtf.’

You kissed at Trent’s temple before getting up meeting Lauren at her end of the table to walk with her to the bathroom.

“Excuse me! Excuse meee!” She feigned a yell but was whispering, squeezing your arm. You could only laugh at her reaction. Lauren had developed quite the crush on Jude or built some sort of lust at the very least. She’d never actually met Jude but, like everyone else, she was obsessed without having to.

“I’m sorry!” you laughed, not really meaning your apology. “I told you not to ruin your trip night one!” Continuing in a fit of giggles pushing the bathroom door open. “Also, you said ‘it’s fine’” you mocked her voice repeating what she had told you about her and Marcel.

“Oh my fucking god, what do I do?” She looked at herself in the mirror and shook her head. “Why do I do this? I did this to myself… You know what? It is fine, it’s fine.” She started giggling too.

“Is it?” You asked, staring into the mirror with intrigue back at her while reapplying some lip gloss.

“It is!” She yelled laughing. “No, but why can’t I mess around, I’m single. I’m not not going to shoot my shot with fucKING JUDE!” She got louder at the end of her sentence.

“Don’t hurt anyone, that's all I’m asking. Don’t disrupt my peaceful life.” You joked.

“Peaceful is comical” she made fun of you. “But seriously what do I do. I can’t go out there and just like go introduce myself that’s embarrassing and desperate.”

“Because you’re… not….” You laughed. “No, I’m kidding but we’ll just go back out, sit down where we were and eat. If he introduces himself or something gets turned in your direction then you can answer, if not, then we can pretend we forgot, unphased, and introduce you two as we leave before we go out.”

“Fine, fine, yeah, that’ll be fine.” She babbled trying to adjust her outfit now.

“Does that sound ‘fine’” you mocked laughing.

“You’re not being helpful!” She moaned, swatting at you.

“I am! Just do what you do best. Sit there and look pretty and let all the little English boys fall in love with you.” You joked pulling at her top.

“Ugh the accents I cannot.” She whined. “I’m not going to make it out of here alive. How do my boobs look?” She said pressing them together, pushing them up.

“Perfect, if I was a boy.. oooff” you joked making a face. “I’m not and still… ooof.” Flattering her.

“You’re the worst! I can’t believe you did this to me… let’s go…” Lauren moaned, pushing you towards the door, you both still laughing. You arrived at the table following your little plan back to your seats.

“Okay?” Trent asked, pressing a kiss to the shell of your ear.

“All good” you said cheekily, unable to hide a big smile.

“What? What’s up with you?” He smiled seeing yours, pinching at your waist, moving closer to you, starting to press wet kisses against your skin.

“Nothing! Nothing! Stop! Leave me alone!” You giggled squirming, feigning annoyance but loving every touch.

“I forget the nausea momentarily… and then it returns so fast. You two are so gross.” George complained watching you and Trent. Down the table though Lauren was completely disinterested in what was happening in your direction. She sat, her arms slyly pressing her tits together leaned further over than needed to let them practically spill out on the table. She’d lick her lips and play with the straw of her drink slowly. Marcel and his friend weren’t complaining, they figured that’s just Lauren being Lauren. She could feel Jude’s eyes flicker over her though. At first a glance inspecting the table and then a stare infatuated with what he saw down the table. She looked good and Jude wanted to meet her immediately but he was cooler than that, calmer than that so he played the game she was. He recognized who Lauren was from your Instagram and stories but he was fantasizing about getting to really ‘know’ her. Lauren picked her drink up, her tongue dancing around the straw like she had a hard time finding it. She took a sip and wiped her mouth slowly with her thumb, her fingers dragging over her plump lips, her mouth gaping a little. She knew he was watching her so she kept her head still but flicked her eyes towards him. They made eye contact. Jude attempted to wink, he couldn't but he tried. She smiled softly, holding in a laugh and sent him a more successful wink back.

Dinner wrapped up and you all were going to go out to a small club, nothing crazy, not tonight. You stood up, Trent’s arms hung over your shoulders as he stood behind you whispering mischievous things in your ear. You were a little lost in the moment feeling his body against yours, his lips ghosting over your ear, his voice, his hands over you… until you remembered you had to go help Lauren so you stepped out of his hold. Trent wasn’t thrilled, he grabbed at your hand a little with a pout but you pulled to walk away.

“I’ll be back, baby, promise” you cooed, pushing your lips out with a ‘mwah.’ You pulled Lauren from her current conversation and walked with her back over to Jude, Jobe, Toby, and Trent as normal as if you were just coming back to get into the car that was arriving soon. You faked a moment of realization. “Wait, I just remembered you haven’t met yet…” Lauren looking at you with innocent doe eyes like she was unaware.

“Nah, don’t think so.” Toby’s eyes lit seeing Lauren. She was every man’s dream to be fair but he sat on the same side of the table as her so he hadn’t clocked her whole appearance yet.

“Sorry, sorry! My bad, Lauren…erm, this is…” and you went through the motions saving Jude for last.

“You’re so leng.” Jobe’s words fumbled out of his mouth. His cheeks once full dropped, he was shocked he said it aloud. Everyone laughed a little giving Jobe shit as they all politely introduced themselves to one another. Your cheeks warmed hearing Jobe though, something was so endearing about him you just wanted to squish him but you had to focus on Jude for the moment. You pulled the group apart in directions towards the arrived cars nonchalantly leaving Lauren and him trailing behind intentionally.

“My little brothers right, ya know?” Jude spoke first, his hand coming to the small of Lauren’s exposed back.

“About…” she cooed pretending to be naive.

“You’re sexy. You know you’re sexy.” Jude hushly said into her ear. Lauren giggled a little.

“You think?” Trying to play coy but she couldn’t resist saying more. “You’re very sexy too, Mr. Bellingham.”

“Yeah, think so?” He teased, very well aware he was.

“You know you are… but I did manage to find a flaw though.” Lauren spoke as her eyes danced over his frame.

“My flaw?” Jude was taken aback. What was she talking about? It wasn’t the way he thought this conversation was going so he just waited with the new feeling of being on edge.

“Someone cannot wink.” Lauren laughed adjusting her top but really just was calling attention to her tits. “It’s fine we all have our flaws.” She teased.

“I’m not sure I’m seeing any right now.” He whispered against her ear. She could feel his plump lips, his hand moving down her spine a little more. “You can’t possibly have one.” He fed her ego.

“People say I’m a little too touchy, maybe that’s a flaw.” She cooed looking straight ahead pretending to ignore his proximity.

“Nah, can’t be that.” Jude laughed a little. “Haven’t touched me once.” He reminded her. Lauren turned towards him almost immediately, placing her hand on his chest.

“Do you want me to touch you?” She said the words dripping with seduction.

“I know what you’re doingggg” you jumped a little as Trent sang smug in your ear when he came up behind you his hands caressing your skin.

“Just let them meet…” you said sheepishly, a little shy with your decision and under the warm touch of his hands.

“Y/N, Marce is involved now, this is a bad idea, baby.” He tried to explain. He placed a kiss behind your ear before coming in front of you holding your hands out fiddling with your fingers until he laced his with yours.

“C’mon, let it unfold! They’re all adults.” You whined with a pout. Pulling his hands a little towards you for him to let go of yours only to return his back on your body.

“Barely…” he laughed, gripping your ass, palming it in his hands. You could only shake your head giggling along with him.

You made it inside the club, it was chic, small, good music, good vibes, you had kind of split off into two groups within your own section. Jude and Trent, Jobe and Marcel, it just worked that way. You were cuddled up with Trent, next to Lauren, the others spread around you. Having probably too many drinks but you were happy. You couldn’t help yourself from making out with Trent sporadically. Although when he got up to go talk to Marcel quickly when he remembered something, you suddenly felt just how needy you were, immediately missing him. God, were you that horny? Fuck… but it wasn’t that, you were actually just absolutely wasted. You hadn’t noticed from how firm Trent’s hands had held you, so steady. You were really fucked up and not in a good way, your head was spinning. When you looked at Lauren, her figure blurred. You stood up, wobbled a little, and started to go to the bathroom.

“Want me to go with you?” Lauren asked sweetly, rising up from her seat but you waved her off. You needed to reset. Get some water, splash some on your face, and be somewhere quiet for a second. In retrospect, you should’ve told Trent where you were going, asked him to help you. He would’ve, he literally stepped away for 5 minutes and you acted like he had deserted you and you had to survive on your own. Lauren told Trent you where you went when he came back and he hummed in understanding getting caught up on the current conversation mindlessly unaware of your state.

‘Fuck’ you said as you gripped the bathroom sink. You turned around quickly only to trip, smacking to the flooring barely reaching the toilet before you threw up. This was a disaster. You felt like you were going to cry all alone. You don’t know what you drank but something fucked you up bad. You sat on the floor for a while before standing, pulling yourself up by the sink, leaning desperately on it. You looked in the mirror and sighed at how disheveled you looked. It brought back haunting memories of times before you had met Trent. ‘No, no, no, not doing this.’ You slapped your face. You had been gone for ages when Trent texted you, that’s when he and Lauren both realized she had your phone. You gathered yourself best you could, conscious enough now to know you needed Trent, Lauren, you don’t know Marce… literally anyone you knew to help you. You opened the bathroom door and stepped into the hall before leaning against the wall to prepare yourself to go back. It was then you realized you maybe didn’t want literally anyone you knew to help you. You felt sicker than you did before when you heard the voice.

“Well, well, well, I’ll be fucking damned. Nothings changed huh?” A man’s voice cooed from in front of you. You knew exactly who it was, it was fucking crazy he was here but you knew who it was but you could barely lift your head up.

Chase… Chase was let’s just say not a good person and for some reason he was like a tumor on you. He was cancerous, ever growing, returning at inconvenient moments, sickening, life ending. To say he treated you like shit would be an understatement. You felt his calloused finger lift up your chin. “Not happy to see me. Come onnn Y/N” he dragged. You winced as he placed his hand against the wall next to your head caging you in. You and Lauren both knew Chase from university but you specifically did all things unimaginably imoral with him. “What are you doing at a club here? Where have you been? Haven’t heard from you in ages… not like you.”

“Fuck yo-you.” You swayed slurring and he laughed. “I mmmoved to the UK, I didn’t want you to hear from me.” You managed to get out some words.

“Yeah, still skinny as ever… “ he gripped his opposite hand around your arm, his fingers being able to wrap fully around it. “How’s that working out, have a new man stuffing your mouth full?” He rudely asked. You could only shake your head. Suddenly though you felt like you saw an angel cutting through the crowd. Trent appeared next to you and grabbed Chase’s hand harshly off the wall. Your eyes welled up relieved but your stomach dropped now nervous upon his arrival.

“You wanna back up, mate?” Trent spit.

“What the fuck, bro?” Chase shouted shaking his arm out of Trent’s hold.

“Back the fuck up from my girl.” Trent said again sternly, much more calm then Chase, stepping slightly in front of you.

“Ahhhh…” Chase laughed mockingly. “Your girl… I see. That’s how you got to Greece. Opened your legs up the second you hear an accent like your dads? The jokes write themselves, babe”

“You need to shut the fuck up right now.” Trent bit back.

“Or what bro? Do you know who my dad fucking is? Who the hell are you?” Chase obnoxiously and confidently pushed unknowingly against Trent.

“I’m so fucking serious…” Trent paused when a friend of Chase’s you’d never met came over. His arms flinging around his neck.

“Yooooo, how the fuck did you meet Trent Alexander-Arnold!” The friend yelled drunkenly. Trent rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “Yo, fuck City, you guys should’ve won the league. Can I get a picture with you, my man?”

“Mate, look, great to meet you but not right now. Currently your friend is being a cunt.” He emphasized the word. “… to my girlfriend so I’m sorry brother.” How Trent seemed to remain kind to a stranger in the middle of this you didn’t know.

“Oh, got yourself some shitty athlete only he would know, embarrassing honestly.” Chase spoke again, gesturing to his drunk friend hanging off him.

“Bro! That’s Trent Alexander-Arnold. He’s fucking won everything in soccer. He’s like one of the best right backs in the world.” Chase’s friend informed him and momentarily Chase felt stupid and panicked but it only spurred him to push his friend away and say something more crass.

“Aye good for you, she’s easy to manipulate, I get it. Pussy’s fucking tight, lets you fucking use her how ever you want.” He kept talking and you felt like you were going to throw up again.

“T…” you said pulling on Trent’s arm.

“Y/N, fucking find Marcel… now.” Trent practically barked at you, motioning you to go back to your section and you listened obediently as your eyes welled with more tears making it hard to see. His head quickly snapped back to Chase

“See, she just does whatever you say. Can be a bitch but you just shut her up with a dick in her mouth. Keeps her skinny too… she’d be just fine gagging on me.” Chase laughed.

You stumbled back into the roped off area, falling before getting back to anyone. Jude and Marcel rushed to pick you up.

“Shit! Are you okay?” Jude said crouching down to you.

“Hey…What the fuck is happening?” Marcel asked you panicked. Jude helped you up but his eyes were scanning the place looking for Trent. You started balling crying. You couldn’t breathe. Marcel carried you over to the couch where you clung to Lauren sobbing.

“Who the fuck is he talking to?” Jude asked into the club’s air. Lauren perked up stretching her neck to try to see and when she saw who was in front of Trent she audibly gasped.

“Holy fuck… fuck.” She was shocked. She recognized Chase immediately.

“What the fuck is going on?” Jude asked, seeing her reaction. “I’m going over there to see what’s happening.” Leaving abruptly. As he approached Trent he could hear the tail end of one of Chase’s sentences.

“She’ll come back to New York I’m sure crying to me when you realize she’s not that hot, nothing more than a good fuck. Another whore desperate for attention.” Chase cackled looking behind Trent seeing you struggle.

“Shut the fuck up bro. Fuck you” Trent shouted, everything went red. His ears were ringing. He felt his knuckles crack against Chase’s bone structure as it broke. He hit Chase so hard he fell to the ground knocked out for a moment as his nose gushed. His cheekbone and nose completely shattered.

“Aye! Aye! What the fuck is going on!” Jude rushed over grabbing Trent, pushing him away, standing in between the two boys. Chase’s friend came running back too.

“Oh fuck!” He said looking down at his friend before seeing that Jude had come over. “Yooo Bellingham you’re the goat, man, this is crazy” the kid was clearly fucked up and didn’t care too much about Chase’s well being and was more interested in meeting Jude, who frankly didn’t even bat an eye at the mention of his name.

“Fuck you! Don’t fucking ever come near her again, don’t fucking touch her, don’t talk to her, don’t even fucking think about her. You’re a piece of shit!” Trent spat at the ground Chase was still laying on. Jude was still piecing together what was happening but was quick to back Trent regardless. He didn’t need any information or reason.

“Fuck you bro. Take your small dick and your dad’s credit card out of here, you cunt!” Jude yelled as Chase scrambled to get up. Security came over and picked up Chase telling him he needed to leave. It was a surprise to Chase and his friend, they looked dumbfounded but it wasn’t a shock to Trent and Jude at all.

“What the fuck? Are you serious? That dick punched me.” Chase groaned, holding his nose. He was right Trent knocked him the fuck out but as ‘important’ as Chase thought he was or as big of a deal as he thought his dad could be, it was never going to match up with the status of footballers.

“Sorry, sir. We prioritize the safety of our VIP patrons. You’re causing a disturbance and we do not tolerate any type of harassment.” The security guard said robotically, shoving the two boys out.

Jude didn’t ask Trent what happened. He knew it was better just to leave it alone for now so they both walked back to your area in silence. Trent’s heart pounding, his fist bruising, his mind running wild with what he just heard about you. You were still collapsed on Lauren crying when they returned. Trent pulled you off her and wiped your tears, swiping under your eyes with his thumbs softly. He was so gentle as he picked your limp body up.

“Let’s go. We’re going back to the fucking villa.” He said so aggressively in contrast to his touch moments ago.

“I’ll come with you…” Lauren said standing up.

“No… fuck no, seriously. Me and her are fucking leaving, just have a good time. We’ll see you lot later.” Trent shortly said, moving with intent out of the club..

He knew everything about your past, you had told him but he brushed it off, he didn’t like it but it wasn’t like you two met virgins, he had a past as well you weren’t fond of. You were adults, you moved past all that, or so you thought. That said, Trent was feeling a blinding rage at the moment. Hearing this fucking boy talking about you completely infuriated him. You witnessed girls falling all over him all the time, in front of you blushing at his words, holding his arm tightly in a photo, god, posting him on their Instagram stories drooling, it was hard but that’s the life you had committed to. You trusted him at the end of the day to only be with you. On the flip side of the relationship though, Trent had never really seen you interact with any other men. He kind of moved you directly to be under his watch early on and you were happy with that. The guys you were around were always his teammates, family, close friends and you were his. He never saw you out at a club dancing, he never saw you flirt with a waiter jokingly with your friends, he never saw any of it because he was always there until he wasn’t. He couldn’t have been there for times you had been with Chase. It drove him mad there was nothing he could do about your previous antics. He blacked out, not from alcohol but from anger.

Chase treated you like shit. Plain and simple. Cheated on you, although you’re not really sure you were ever his girlfriend but he definitely was your boyfriend. He called you nasty names, used you for sex, it was mean, rough, and derogatory always, he made fun of you constantly, the whole experience was demoralizing and it tanked your self esteem. You don’t know why you chose him, the whole ‘the man you meet at 19’ rang in your head, for whatever reason you had and he stuck to you like a leech. You just wanted someone, anyone to love you because you had fallen so out of love with yourself, but he loathed you, he did everything but love you. The self doubt and hatred was bad, scary, and toxic. It created a terrible relationship between you and other people, you and food, you and your body. You resented Chase for it because he planted the seed. It wasn’t until about a year or so before you had met Trent that you finally drew a line. Things had gone too far. He pushed you too far.

The car ride home with Trent was excruciatingly silent. The inside of the car was so cold, you felt he was miles away sitting on the other side of the seat. He completely disconnected from you. He couldn’t stomach it. He couldn’t stop thinking about Chase fucking you. Hearing him mention the tightness of your pussy made Trent ill. He loved you no matter what but right now he couldn’t handle the emotions swishing around in his head, the liquor pooling in his liver… fuck, the image of the hem of your dress dangerously high on your thigh lit by the moonlight in the car. He hated that he wanted to fuck you right now, prove to you that Chase was never the one for you, but the thought of it alone hurt his heart. He wasn’t meant to compete for you. How could you have been with someone else, he didn’t blame you, you didn’t know Trent yet but he was heartbroken, his Y/N, his Y/N was with someone else. He just wanted to make this all go away. Disappear. He knew it was a juvenile emotion but he couldn’t shake his anger.

“I’m sorry” you tried to speak but Trent was still in a fury.

“Enough Y/N.” He yelled, slamming a water on the bedside table. “Just go to fucking bed, alright?” So you did. You walked to your side of the bed but you were struggling to get your dress off. “C’mere.” Trent said much softer now, sweet almost. He helped you out of it, taking off your jewelry carefully as you stood completely naked in front of him. “It’s so frustrating how beautiful you look all the fucking time.” Shutting his eyes trying to block his view of you. “Just go to bed…please” He pleaded when he pushed a t-shirt of his back at you. He left the room. You curled up in bed, he sat out on the couch, both quiet, just blankly staring. It was a while later but Trent’s tornado of thoughts was paused momentarily when he heard a familiar loud laugh from outside the villa. When he started to see the shadows of everyone else outside coming back from the club, he got up and made his way to your room.

When he opened the door he felt sick. He wasn’t mad at you at all. He was upset that someone was talking about you, that someone else had been with you, touched you, knew you intimately when you were his. He was insatiably jealous. He looked at you and you looked so frail, you didn’t radiate the same glow you usually did, your body looked drained. As he quietly stepped further into the room, he could see that your body was shaking trying to keep your tears silent. He could hear you sniffle and gasp for air occasionally. He wanted to punch himself now, he couldn’t be the one that made you like this. This is not how you’re supposed to be. He was supposed to make you happy, keep you happy, and here you were miserable partly because of him. ‘Fuck’ he muttered as he heard everyone else finally in the house drunk, rowdy… happy. He took off all his clothes down to his boxers before he slid into the bed. He pulled the blankets up over himself and you. He didn’t want you to feel like he didn’t love you. He pulled your limp body towards him by your waist. You took a deep breath feeling his hands back on you. You knew he was there the second he opened the door but smelling him, feeling the heat off his skin made you cry even harder. You were falling apart in his arms so he just held you tighter. He pressed his lips to the back of your neck and held them there. He didn’t really want to kiss you yet, he was still upset but he needed to be that close to you. “I got you, I’m right here, your Ts got you.” He whispered as his lips moved over your skin. You started to calm in his arms more after hearing his voice. He held you so tight to his chest. If you weren’t having trouble breathing from all the crying you would’ve had trouble because of his hold. You dozed off eventually, exhausted physically and emotionally from the night. Once Trent knew you had fallen asleep he finally let himself close his eyes too.

You were so out of it you hadn’t noticed your phone had been blowing up with texts from Lauren. She was freaking out. She had an okay night knowing you’d be safe with Trent but she kind of cooled her jets with the whole Marcel and Jude decision. At the beginning of the night she had kind of thought she was going to hook up with Jude but then right after you left, Marcel was so comforting to her, she started to get confused so she opted for neither.

It was early morning when she woke up a little anxious now that the house was completely silent, she was more sober and worried sick about you. She also realized how absolutely thirsty she was so she slumped off her bed and made her way to the kitchen. She had packed pajamas that were sexy, girlie, cute, but in the drunken chaos of the night she ended up in a little bralette and tiny biker shorts. You would argue that calling them shorts would be a stretch. Her entire ass was out. Anyways, she crept into the kitchen quietly but she almost screamed when she felt someone’s hand wrap around hers on the handle of the refrigerator, their body coming behind hers.

“Jesus fucking Christ you scared the shit out of me!” She started to laugh because her heart was beating so fast. She turned her head to see the ever pretty, but currently very sleepy Jude’s face, lit by the refrigerator light.

“Sorry, Angel.” He spoke softly and low.

“What are you doing up?” She whispered, turning fully to him.

“Could ask you the same.” He cooed back.

“I’m worried obviously.” She shrugged at the obvious.

“They’ll be fine I think, Trenski’s just never had to deal with any of that with her before. They’re okay.” He attempted to reassure Lauren as his hand wrapped around her waist. She just hummed a little, taken aback by his hands movements, her heart still beating very fast. “Thought I was gonna spend a little more time with you tonight.”

“Oh yeah? That’s sweet. I’m sorry, I just needed to get to bed tonight when we got home, usually I’m up for a little after party.” Lauren spoke into the quiet kitchen, sexual tension thick in the air.

“I would’ve liked that. Maybe tomorrow… or today I guess.” Jude laughed

“Yeah. For sure. Well, I was going to go back to bed after I got my water.” Lauren held up the bottle for display with a cute sleepy smile.

“Yours or mine?” Jude cheekily laughed.

“Stop!” She slapped at his chest. He took the chance to slip his other hand around her, pulling her body flush against his.

“You want me to stop…” he whispered.

“No… no, I don’t think so.” Lauren whispered back. Jude’s face incredibly close to hers now, their noses touching.

“I told you how sexy I think you are, yeah?” He continued to whisper his hands coming to grab at her ass roughly. Kneading it. She moaned before pressing her lips against his.

“Is this a good idea?” She asked, feigning some sort of innocence.

“I don’t really care.” Jude spoke, his teeth biting onto her lip pulling it back with him. Their hands all over each other. A proper make out ensued as the sun began to rise.

“Tomorrow… your bed.” Lauren moaned out muffled by another kiss.

•

Thank you for continuing reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter / series … 🤍

Next part - Chapter 22 xx

[bellyasks]

Character getting way too stuffed but it's 10% food 90% air

trapped air my beloved,,,,,, (& these can definitely overlap so it might be fun to combine these various Plot Aspects into full scenarios)

🎈 Your character's belly is bulging like crazy after eating a portion of their meal, tight and round and undeniably out of room. They and the people they're with think they're definitely too full to eat any more, but your character lets out an absolutely ridiculous burp that startles even them, and suddenly they have plenty of space to keep eating.

🍽️ Your character knows they're perfectly capable of cleaning their plate. They also have a tendency to swallow a lot of air while eating and they often let out little burps during meals to let it out, maybe not even realizing that they're doing it. When they're eating with someone they don't want to burp in front of, though, they find themself getting full a lot faster than they're used to. They don't want to look silly for taking/ordering the portion that they did so they keep going, determined to finish their food even though their belly is struggling to squeeze in anything else on top of all that air.

🗣️ Your character never shuts up. They can talk anybody's ear off without even realizing they're doing it, and their friends fondly roll their eyes and deal with it. Of course, talking while eating results in a lot of swallowed air. One day, they're out for lunch with friends, and after chattering away with their mouth full the entire time, they're left with an uncomfortably bloated tummy, tight and sore and far too full. Suddenly they're not so chatty anymore now that they're not feeling too good.

🤵 Your character is eating at some kind of date/event that they want to make a good impression at, and they avoid burping the entire time they're there. Of course, this means that once their belly fills up with any air they've swallowed with their food, they run out of space, and though they feel pretty stuffed by the end of it, they haven't eaten much. Once they're finally home and they can let all that air out, they find that they're still very hungry--even more so than usual since their stomach is now all stretched out.

👖 Your character has to go out today, and they're struggling to fit into their outfit after eating, their belly seemingly far too stuffed even though they didn't eat all that much. After some straining and squeezing, they're just about ready to put on something looser when their stomach, having been jostled around plenty, finally lets all the trapped air out in the form of a huge burp, deflating their round belly and allowing them to get dressed in their outfit of choice.

⏱️ Your character is in a rush to get to some kind of meeting/appointment/event, and they have to eat fast to make it in time. They succeed both in wolfing down their lunch and being punctual, but they arrive with a bloated, rumbly, uncomfortable belly, and now they're looking for an opportunity to let all that trapped air out discreetly before anybody notices.

🍗 Your character feels absolutely stuffed even though they haven't eaten much, and the people they're with are teasing them for having such a tiny capacity. As it turns out, their belly was mostly full of air, and once a big burp frees up some space, they wind up out-eating everybody else at the table.

[slytherinboysappreciation]

Best Friend - R. B. x gn!Reader

A/N: This fic is dedicated to @blackenedalley who gave me Regulus Black feels 💛 I hope this helps fuel your Reggie brain rot

Fic is unedited with no use of Y/N. Second part here

CW: Angst, avoidance, jealousy, insecurity, hurt, hugging

734 words

You were avoiding your best friend. Not exactly on purpose, but definitely not on accident either.

You just… You were a little upset.

You know it’s dumb and childish, but you just can’t help it.

You’ve been in love with Regulus Black since your second year at Hogwarts. Ever since he willingly sat next to you during that dinner and laughed at your dumb jokes.

He’s much less open or humorous now, but you still love him just the same. He’s your Reggie, your unfaltering support.

And you were his.

Until… Well…

You hadn’t meant to see them. You’d been on your way to class and had dropped your books. Honestly, that’s probably the only reason you did see them at all.

Regulus and Lily Evans, in a corner of the outside courtyard, conversing animatedly.

You’d left your books to watch for a moment, warmth filling your chest. You’d been encouraging Regulus to open up and find more friends for a while now.

All was fine, and you were turning to leave when you heard it. The sound that changed everything.

Reggie’s laugh.

You’d whirled back to the window so fast, watching as Regulus laughs so hard he doubles over.

For the first moment, everything had been fine. And then your insecurities had dug their claws into your brain on your way to class.

Regulus almost never laughed at your jokes anymore. The most you could get out of him was a fond smile. So what had Lily said to him to get him to laugh so hard?

Did he find her funnier than you?

It shouldn’t be such a big deal, but somehow it is. It hurts a bit, knowing that a friend he just made can make him laugh harder than his best friend of almost four years.

One thing turned into another, and well… here you were. Avoiding him.

You make it all the way through dinner before he finally confronts you.

“Hey.”

You turn, his voice calling to you like nothing else. “Yeah?”

He stands there, hands clasped behind his back, a small frown on his face. “What’s going on?”

You fiddle with your hands. “What do you mean?”

“I haven’t seen you all day. Where’ve you been?”

You shuffle your feet and look down. “I’ve just been busy…”

“Doing what?”

You can’t think of a good lie in time. Regulus sighs, so full of disappointment it hurts you.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, folding his arms.

You look up at him for a moment and mumble, “Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me.” His voice is sharp but not angry.

You clasp your hands, taking a deep breath. “I… I saw you talking to Lily earlier.”

Regulus blinks. “Yes. I did. She asked to study with me and I agreed.”

You fidget uncomfortably, that sinking insecurity and jealousy rising in your chest. “Oh. Okay.”

“Why?”

“I just…” You bite your tongue, unsure how to answer. You could lie, and say you were just trying to let him have space for a new friend. Or you could tell him the truth.

Regulus steps closer, reaching out to rest a hand on your shoulder. “You just what?”

The words seems to tumble out of your mouth at his warm touch. “I just got a little jealous. You never laugh at my jokes anymore, and…”

You trail off, shame rising in your throat. It’s such a stupid reason to avoid him. “…and it just hurt.”

Regulus is silent for a moment. Then he pulls you into his arms, wrapping you in a hug.

“You’re my best friend, no matter what,” he says firmly. “Whether I laugh at your jokes or not. Lily will never replace you as my best friend.”

You hug him back and stay silent, not voicing the thoughts in your head. You’re not worried about her replacing you. You’re worried about him liking her.

But you stay quiet and just press your face to his shoulder. “Thanks, Reggie. I needed to hear that.”

He pulls back after a moment and gives you a small smile. “Now, will you stop avoiding me?”

“Yeah…” you mumble sheepishly. “I’m sorry.”

He relaxes a little and his smile warms a bit more. “I forgive you. Now, let’s go back to our dorm. I have something I want to show you.”

You nod and follow him quietly. Maybe everything will be alright. Maybe it’ll be fine.

Maybe…

[nostalgebraist]

declare

Read Declare by Tim Powers recently.

It had some really good individual bits, and was well-written throughout, but overall I found it kind of a slog.

Partly that was just due to pacing, or me not quite being in the target audience, or other similarly ordinary and boring reasons. But, on reflection, I think a lot of my troubles with the book come down to one big, uncommon flaw it had -- which is my reason for writing this post.

----

Declare is a hybrid fantasy/spy novel.

The spy stuff, which comprises most of the book by mass, is drawn from real history -- in particular, from the life of real Soviet spy Kim Philby -- and strives to be consistent with all particulars of that real history that are publicly known.

The book is a "secret history" as opposed to an "alternate history," intended to produce the impression: "for all we know, this really could have been what happened." It sticks to the historical record about the kind of matters that make it into said record, and only invents things in the blank spaces in between them.

As Powers put it:

I made it an ironclad rule that I could not change or disregard any of the recorded facts, nor rearrange any days of the calendar – and then I tried to figure out what momentous but unrecorded fact could explain them all.

You'll note that I'm being vague about what "the fantasy elements" are.

I'm doing that on purpose. Revealing much about their nature would be the kind of spoiler that actually spoils, because one of Declare's virtues -- and I really did admire this -- is the way it makes its fantastical secrets feel really secret. Like a secret doctrine, a mystery cult, an epistemic Rubicon that one does not cross lightly.

They are talked about elliptically, even among initiates (and Powers makes this feel naturalistic, not like cheap and pointless reader-teasing evasion). Before you know much else about these "fantasy elements," you know that encounters with them have a tendency to leave people scarred, broken, changed -- and disinclined to say much about what they saw.

The early chapters of the book almost feel like the opening of a "mundane" spy novel. Except they are dotted with stray glimpses, from odd angles, of... something else. Something that is clearly one single thing, with a coherent shape, only you cannot make out in full what that shape is. Something that feels, authentically, like it was not meant for your innocent eyes.

It's all very effective. Really great stuff.

But then, at least by the halfway mark if not earlier, the reader catches up with the characters. The shape of the thing comes into focus. You get what the deal is, insofar as anyone does, and insofar as there is a "deal" to get. The nature, if not the logic, of the hidden world is laid bare.

"The nature, if not the logic": this is the book's fundamental flaw. The fantasy elements of Declare eventually land in a worst-of-all-worlds no-man's-land between mystique and mechanism.

They are explained to the reader just enough that they lose their glamour; what initially feels like the mystic doctrine of a lost gospel, or the forbidden fruit of a Lovecraft story, ends up feeling more like a collection of "lore" passages accompanying tables of numbers in an RPG rulebook. Yet they are not explained enough that they make sense, the way a law-bound "magic system" makes sense; despite Powers' ambitions, they never quite become capable of explaining anything else.

To put the point a little differently, and set things up for my next one: Declare mixes together two ingredients which, on their own, are perfectly fine -- indeed, actively good -- but which absolutely cannot go together. Namely:

Mysterious, supernatural forces that feel properly mysterious, numinous, not quite bound by "our" human logic and thus fundamentally beyond our ken.

A secret-history version of bizarre and partially unknown real-world events, which supplies explanations for the weird parts and fills in the tantalizing gaps.

Why do historical mysteries draw our interest? It is not just that there is something we don't know. There are a lot of things we don't know, about history, and mostly they don't trouble us.

But there are some questions for which it does not seem possible to imagine an uninteresting answer.

When a real historical figure behaves in some bizarre manner -- as the real-world Kim Philby frequently did -- we know that, whatever cause moved them to do so, it must be outlandish in a way that matches its effect. When people act strangely, they do so for strange reasons. That is roughly what "acting strangely" means.

But! Once you allow "ineffable, partly unpredictable magic" to be a cause with effects, the link between interesting events and interesting causes is broken. You can now invent explanations which are less interesting than any real-world one could possibly be.

You can survey the historical record, note down all the intriguing gaps, and then sculpt an infinitely pliable magical putty into the precise shape of each gap, so as to fill it. These fillings do not have the shape of real things; they are made retrospectively, and modeled after the patterned obstructions marring our view, rather than the real patterns which are being obstructed. They do not have spiraling implications, as real things do; they plug the gaps they were made for, and do nothing else.

Human behavior has human causes, and human causes are frequently interesting, to us humans.

It is usually a virtue, in fictional depictions of magic, for that magic to feel nonhuman.

But it ceases to be a virtue when that magic goes on to become a substitute for the real human causes of real events. It provides answers to all our questions, at the cost of removing the reason we imagined we might want to possess those answers.

"Why on earth," you ask me, "did this bizarre historical event happen the way it did?"

And I respond: "a wizard did it."

You protest that this is not an explanation at all. You profess to be just as confused as you were at the outset.

You say, in exasperation: "it can't just be that. There has to be something more. Why did the wizard do it? Is it... the sort of thing that wizards do? Is there a 'sort of thing that wizards do'?"

In real life, you'd have a point. In real life, for every X, there is a sort of thing that Xs do.

But not for wizards. Remember #1 above? Wizards are beyond your ken. Perhaps there is "sort of thing they do," but if so, it is too subtle for your dull, unmagical brain.

Which is to say: they can do whatever the author, or the plot -- or the gaps in the historical record -- need them to do on any given occasion. And then they go back into their box again, until they need to be retrieved, in order to do something else entirely.

And worse: although the introduction of the wizard does not leave you any less puzzled, it frees you from caring that you are puzzled.

There is no longer the unscratched itch of an unsolved mystery about human behavior. You are not confused about a person, anymore, but about magic. And it is perfectly clear that you are never, ever going to understand magic. Your confusion is now expected, predictable. Everything is properly in order, as you can now see. You are free to go.

And yet somehow, you find, the book is not over. It will not be over for a while yet. You have other confusions, you see, which have not yet been stripped of their human interest and robbed of their allure.

(Not everything in Declare is like this, to be clear. I may be making too much of a few sore points in the plot, I guess. Still, there's no denying that I found the later parts of the book tedious, and this is at-least-sort-of why.)

[01always14fanfic]

What are your thoughts on early season marvey (s1 - s4)? Their dynamic changes quite a bit in later seasons and I'm assuming that's the basis of most of your writings

It is really. Those first few seasons. My Introducing Lovely series has completely fucked with the timelines of Suits. But I started writing it when I was in season 4 or 5. Jessica wasn't looking like she was going anywhere. Since I know more, I started writing my fics earlier in the Suits timelines. 2-4.

S1

Season 1 the puppy analogy for Mike is dead on. He is lost as fuck in the big boy world. He doesn't know how to file anything, do anything. He's so cocky, which is more funny that it was anything else.

Harvey absolutely needed to check that pride. Because no, puppy. You don't have the walk to talk the talk. Sit down.

Season 1 Harvey, he didn't want an associate because he knew the type. He's been the law world for almost 20 years, he was an associate himself. He works with associates all the time. The thought of being forced to work with someone everyday that annoyed him was not going to work. He literally pays Donna's extra salary to keep his people. Harvey doesn't work well with others (because he doesn't want to work with others).

So when he found Mike, someone was fun to be around.. I could have working with you every day.

When Mike dropped a case of pot on his feet and was willing to pretend to be a lawyer, he became easy to keep under his thumb.

When he was smart on top of all that..

Honestly too, I think the fuck you to Jessica for making him to do this is funny. ..I guess understood why she doesn't appreciate the humor. Lol.

All of this with Harvey could be wrapped up under one theme. Chasing intensities.

S2

Season two, Mike isn't a pro but he's practiced. He helps Harvey with Hardman. He figures out Folsom Foods. He's getting better, but hes not great. He's basically just out of diapers, so he's still easily flustered. He panics when he messes up and messes up more.

He wants a relationship with Rachel, but he doesn't want to lie. He's more worried about Harvey's concerns than he is about telling the truth. He breaks that off with Rachel.

Then his grandmother dies and he loses it on Harvey. After getting sent home after blowing up in the bullpen, he spirals more. Edith meant the world to him and his overactive brain is replaying these memories vividly.

Harvey finds out late what is going on with Mike.

And what does he do? He turns Mike's brain off. He sees Mike just stuck in his head and trying to fill a space that can't be filled. Not with Tess, not with getting mad at clients, those aren't the distractions he needs.

Harvey finds out late what is going on with Mike, but reasonably so. The issues with Hardman, Darby, Louis, and Jessica have him completely distracted. Plus Scottie's drama. He was rightfully distracted, he was being pulled in all directions.

In the final episode we see a pretty good wrap up of what happens when these two don't communicate.

Mike is out of the loop what is going on with everything with Harvey's deals. His grandmother had just died. He didn't know about the deal with Darby about Harvey's name no longer being an option. He didn't know that he ruined Harvey's chance at getting his name on the door.

While Mike is stuck in his head and Harvey is fighting, they both loose themselves. Harvey likes to walk the gray, but he doesn't abide by ethical violations. He's very strict about code, it's how he got noticed by Jessica in the first place. Harvey made several big violations that as Mike quoted "would have made his stomach turn."

Harvey wants him fired and gone.

Mike is more alone then ever and tells Rachel his secret, because he needs someone. Anyone.

S3

I don't know how this season could have started with anymore angst.

When Jessica gives Mike an office, trying to play nice again. Tells him all the things she noticed. "You didn't just come through on the merger. You bluffed Hardman, turned Monica Eton, and put us over the top on Folsom Foods." She tells him the story about her parents break up.

Mike isn't excited. He isn't flattered. He's sitting there all brokenhearted because he messed up. He asks Jessicsa if her parents ever got back together, because his brain is on Harvey.

Later, he tries to get Harvey to get let that anger out. "You haven't said whatever you have to say to rip me to shreds enough so that you can start to forgive me. So go ahead. Whatever it takes, I can take it." And he can, Mike has been on the end of Harvey’s harsh words more than enough times to know.

Mike gives Jessica the office back. "I wanna give this office back. I didn't earn it, I don't want it, and if there's a chance it'll help Harvey forgive me, I'm gonna take it. Oh, and, uh, if you ever do send that letter, you're in the same boat as me."

This ^ Scene reminded me of the scene in S1 where Harvey threatened Jessica to get keep his promotion. Harvey backed down to her threat, fired Mike, but then came back with the gun turned back on her.

I was like "Damn boy! You learning! There you go! But you still broke Harvey's heart asshole, so fix that."

Harvey pushes him away harder. Colder. Gives him to Louis. Tells them again they are done.

Mike has Rachel whispering in his ear confirming all the things Harvey's saying. They're done. Move on. So Mike tries, he dives into working Louis. He likes most of it, so it's not torture but it's not where he's supposed to be. This isn't the best version of himself, it's just what he can have now.

Then Harvey has it out with Jessica on the roof. She unfolds the parallels for him. Mike did to Harvey, what Harvey did to Jessica, what Jessica did to her mentors. Breaks down the concept of 'We learn and we amend or fight to the death. I don't went to fight to the death with you anymore Harvey.'

Harvey mulled that over and does finally accept that Mike probably did learn. He sees him with Louis, he doesn't like that. He has too much pride to back down from everything that was said. Donna offers Harvey some support if he wants to forgive Mike and he takes the out.

This is where I feel we see the dynamic start changing a little bit. It's early S3.

Season three, Harvey is more helpful as a mentor to guide him. The best way I can describe it is that Harvey is a master teacher, and Mike was still in grade school. Mike has all the basic skills now, so now Harvey can actually show him how to be hone and find new skills. But he's could only do so much until Mike is ready to take that step on his own.

He stood his ground with Jessica. He's been winning cases. He's helped with Hardman. And if Harvey's a little honest with himself, if he had told Mike all the information - Mike would have made a different choice with Jessica.

The first thing that threw me off was the Forrest Gump reference game between them for a hot second. Harvey has zero issue turning the tables to remind Mike of his place in their relationship. But not here.

"Okay, if I'm Forrest, then you're Bubba."

"Shrimpin' bidness."

It actually gave me whiplash the first time I heard it. Mike moves on, he doesn't even bask in it. He goes into the concern about Harvey becoming managing partner.

EP 3 - 6. No more puppy jokes. No more trying to dominant the situation, conversation, or debate. It's all more leveled.

EP 7

Harvey talks about kicking Stephans ass. Mike just nods and drinks his coffee, no witty comment until Harvey gets a little offended.

"You think I wouldn't do it?"

"No, I'm not sure you could do it."

"What's he going to hit me with, his ascot?"

"Harvey, the man plays rugby. That's no joke."

Harvey doesn't dispute. Doesn't quip back. He's caught off guard, because Mike is going by the facts. He's not going to change his mind just because Harvey gets more witty.

(We find out later, Harvey could indeed kick Stephen's ass. But Mike wasn't swooned by the words lol)

-

Then Jessica comes in all huffy about Stephen giving Cameron a witness. When she revealed the deal between Harvey and Darby that Mike didn't know about, you see them share a look. You can see Mike pissed and surprised, but keeping it together. You see Harvey looking guilty and caught.

Jessica catches this and tries to drive a wedge again. "Are you telling me he doesn't know?"

Mike takes over, squashing the issue of the secret keeping for the time being while Jessica is there. He's not going to allow her to get between them again. Harvey relaxes and falls right back into being his lawyer self.

- gif post

When Harvey and Jessica face off again in Jessicas office, Harvey says something that triggers Jessica. The second it came out, you see Mike's head drop as if saying goddammit Harvey. Because the second Jessica hits back, you see it actually hurts Harvey.

Mike sits there after Harvey walks away like he wants to say something, but he doesn't. Later on, he catches up with Jessica at her car and stands up for Harvey there. Even though she's super condescending (that lawyer pride man), she tells Mike how they can both get what they want.

Mike is watching and listens to everyone around him. Harvey. Donna. Jessica. He figures out Stephen is the culprit.

- gif post

EP9

Harvey and Jessica are battling again in her office. Mike comes in and verbally steps between them, it gives me the vibes of 'nope, Jessica this my territory now'

"Yeah, about an hour ago. Don't tell me I beat you to it." - Mike

"Maybe. But you didn't have Harvey slowing you down." - Jessica notices again the dynamic switch.

"That's a fair point." - Mike

"Okay, I'm right here." - Harvey complains, he doesn't correct or make a joke.

And also

"I mean the plan that I thought of and that you didn't and that I'm the perfect person to implement." - Mike to Harvey

And he succeeds. Robert Zane gets Folsom Foods to pay in full.

Rachel gets mad about she was used in the negotiations. Donna confronts Mike about it.

Donna: "Anyone who understands women in any way would know that was a bad idea from the start."

Mike: "Harvey liked it." - This the only justication Mike needed

"Proving my point."

E10

Mike wants one of the major cases, his desperation for it is obvious to Harvey. Where any associate obviously wants to work on the big cases for experience, status, ect., Harvey knew better. He saw it, Mike's brain was spiraling again. Only this time, Mike recognized the signs.

Harvey: "You got girlfriend troubles, don't you?" - Takes a swing with his best guess with a joke.

Mike: "Okay, I'm just asking for an assignment, that's all." - Puts his emotions to the side and refocuses.

Harvey: "Don't tell me, quarterback asked her to the prom?" - Pushes again because he wants to make sure he's right.

Mike: "Captain Pinstripe's the one who brought up the girlfriend, and second of all, people actually had girlfriends after high school, which you wouldn't know, because emotionally, you never graduated." - We can play this game if you want to, but I don't think you do.

Harvey's tone gets more defensive. He knows he's right and he's not a fan of Rachel. He's half opening the floor to an emotional conversation right now. Que the sass.

"Well, I guess you're the expert, because the only thing you graduated from is high school."

If Harvey was a girl, he'd make sure his hair flipped as he walked off.

The next morning, Mike shows up at Harveys all distraught over Rachel. Not only does Harvey not like Rachel, he told Mike not to get involved with her. He tried to warn him this was a bad idea.

Mike accused Harvey of not letting people in, and you can see Harvey start to busy himself at that point. Like this conversation is the last thing he wants to focus on now, because he let Mike in. He's been letting him a lot more lately. Harvey gives him the morning off.

Okay, I know the question was for 1-4 but it'll take another few days to answer the rest. I feel bad that you've waiting for a response. I can do the rest if you're still curious. But it's this with some growth on both sides.

I like to entertain what would could have happened if we just moved on from Rachel as a romantic interest. If we just put these two together, the things they could accomplish if they were a complete duo.

[calliecwrites]

Shifter HRT, part 5 – Mind Before Matter (6 Months)

I’ve been on shifter HRT for half a year now. Half a year! The physical changes are still going slowly, but the mental changes are really speeding up. My mind is getting ready for the kind of body I’ll have. I’d say that’s a sign the big physical changes are coming soon.

I’m fully aware of my body now. Not in the vague way humans are – I mean everything. I know my shape, how it’s all laid out on the inside, and how everything connects. I’m aware of things stretching and twisting as I move. And all this knowledge is just there, like how I know whether I’m hot or cold.

It’s my sense of form coming in. It’s like proprioception – how you know where your limbs are, how you can touch your nose with your eyes shut – combined with whatever it is I tweak when I want to feel phantom arms or wings, but turned way, way up. I can’t change anything – at the moment it’s read-only – but I have a feeling this is going to be a big part of how shapeshifting works. It doesn’t feel detailed enough, yet, for what I’ll be able to do – I think it’s going to get a lot stronger – but even this would already overwhelm a human. If anyone needs proof that I’m not human anymore, here it is.

I know the shape of things, but not necessarily what they do. So, uh, I’ve become just a bit obsessed with anatomy in the last few weeks… OK, so I’ve been reading about it in every spare moment. It’s kind of a big deal, suddenly being aware of all this stuff inside you and not knowing what most of it does! And, who’da thought, we know quite a bit about how humans work.

Though it’s funny I only take an interest in this when I’m well on the way to becoming something else.

I’ve counted all my bones, and learned the names for them. I’ve found organs I never knew existed (thymus? mesentery?). And I’ve come across the weirdest names for things. In your ears there’s a goat and an anti-goat (or the words for those in Ancient Greek), and in your eyes are the zonules of Zinn – and those sound so much like aliens in some low-budget sci-fi film that I couldn’t stop laughing. We are the Zonules of Zinn, take us to your leaders—

But – I should stop. You’re not here for a three-hour lecture on anatomy. Especially when all of that is going away! Being made of homogenous goo seems way more sensible than all that muddle.

So: goo.

Tiny filaments of fluid are growing all through my body like a second nervous system. Unlike my gooey blood, I’m pretty sure this is the real thing – the stuff I’ll eventually be made of. I also think this is what’s giving me my sense of form. It’s what’s letting me watch the changes from the inside. More of the flexible patches of skin are appearing, and they line up with where the filaments are densest. They’re really starting to ache now, but still don’t do much yet – though my sense of touch is sharpest there.

The goo is also filling all the spaces in my brain and spinal column. I’d bet that’s happening right down to the cellular level – though I can’t feel that much detail. My old cerebrospinal fluid is completely gone. And, yes, it’s weird being able to feel my brain, knowing that this thing is somehow where all my thinking happens. Except now it’s not the only part doing that. Shifters don’t have brains – or even cores, like some kinds of slimes do. Our minds are spread out through the whole of our bodies. We’re thinking with goo, not meat. But right now, I’ve got both, and that’s got to be why the fluid is so tightly packed around my brain – so the two of them can talk to each other. Somehow, this process has to change the way my mind works right down to the atomic level, while still keeping me as one coherent person the whole time. Hearing what some of the people on slime HRT are going through as their brains dissolve, I can only hope the shifter version isn’t going to be like that.

My eye for detail is stronger and more consistent now. Sometimes I realise I’ve been staring at things for hours, taking in everything. And it’s not just sight. I want to touch things, feel all the textures, turn them every way, trace everything with my fingers. Sometimes I want to taste things too, though I’ve been resisting that one – my body is still human enough that I don’t think that would be a good idea. Germs, and all that. Is this how babies feel, exploring with all their new senses? I’ve got to wonder. It’s like my mind wants to relearn everything, now that so much extra detail is available.

I’ve found I really like meshes and grids, and things with lots of little holes in them, especially if they have multiple layers, and even better if they’re irregular. They’re fascinating. I want to stick my hands in there and be whatever weird irregular shape would fill all the spaces – though of course I can’t, because my body is still solid.

And sometimes I want to absorb things, too. That’s the only way I can explain what I’m feeling – wanting to take things apart layer by layer and… know them completely? Not with my hands or teeth, but with something I don’t even have yet. Absorption isn’t just a way to eat, but a way to learn forms more accurately than through observation.

But I can’t do it yet, so when the feeling comes on, dysphoria gets bad. Having new instincts that I can’t act on is horrible. My mind wants it, and my body just can’t. Imagine being hungry and having no mouth. Now it really feels like being stuck. When it happens, I curl up, hold things tightly, and press them against the changed parts of my skin, hard as I can. That helps a little bit. But until my body catches up with my mind, I’m just going to have to put up with it.

These senses are still intermittent, though now they’re there more often than not – and I’ve got a theory why. My fluid and brain are constantly changing and learning to communicate, so it’s no surprise if the signals don’t all match up sometimes. And when they’re fuzzy or missing, I miss them. I feel like I’m walking around blindfold. The old human default is starting to feel like nothing more than a bad dream, one I’ll be glad to forget.

Still, I don’t know how permanent any of this is, not yet. If I lost access to my medication, would anything stay? Would it all go back to the way it was before? Would this be the dream, that I’d never recapture?

My actual dreams are changing, too. I’ve been a shifter in dreams for years – or at least the approximate version my human brain could handle. That’s changing. Now if I decide to have wings or extra arms, they don’t just appear, like before – now, they grow, and my sense of form grows with them. There’s no internal detail, but I know exactly what shape they are, without having to touch them with my hands or look. And they’re much more stable – they don’t disappear halfway through the dream if I get distracted. I don’t know how realistic any of this is, but it’s the most I’ve ever been able to do. Imaginary shifter becomes shifter-in-training! And soon – soon! – I’ll be able to do this for real.

And one last thing: I made a few comments online, on posts by people like me. Anonymously, of course – hiding is a hard habit to break, and it took a long time to work up the courage even for that. It’s one thing going through all this in private – it’s quite another telling someone else. But I’m glad I did. Just those one or two replies saying I’m valid mean so much. There are other people who get it. Maybe over the next few months I’ll be able to do more. Maybe I’ll make some new friends. Maybe it’s time to tell my existing friends, and my family. I’ll think about it.

Like I said at the start, I’m hoping the physical changes are going to really take off soon. Which means – the goo'd times are coming! And I’ll see you there!

First | Previous | Next

Tag list (tell me if you want to be added):

@avery-victoria-winterlight @aiden-nevada @dierotenixe @leahnardo-da-veggie @mint-and-authoress

@noizepushr @sandyca5tle @scrubbinn @therian-lesbian @the-gender-fae

@wuwojiti

[gabessquishytum]

There have been a lot of asks about sub hob instantly being able to go into sub space for dream and I love and cherish them all.

But maybe it doesn’t come so easy. After a long life hob has had very few doms who are able to get him to submit. It used to be so much easier. But at this point he’s been immortal so long and so used to losing people that it’s harder to access that space. Plus in the 1990s he didn’t exactly take good care of himself. In the flood of drugs and heartbreak he got into some less than good situations with less than good doms. And he naturally has some trust issues with dream. and it’s all culminated in him basically being on high alert all the time.

When dream comes back in 2022, they enter a relationship pretty quick. Hob is genuinely so happy to be with dream and he is so excited to submit. Dream is the perfect dom, and in hob’s head it is going to be perfect—in his fantasies Dream sends hob right into sub space and it’s like they were made for each other.

hob is so excited to finally get dommed the way he needs. He’s wearing some gifts from dream, like a special ruby plug that fills him up just right and he wants so badly to kneel.

But the first time they do a scene, no matter what, hob can’t let go. He can’t enter subspace.

Hob is so upset because he feels like he failed dream.

But Dream just takes him in his arms, holds him and reassures him that he is there for the long haul. He tells hob he is perfect, exactly what Dream wants. Dream says he’s honored to be hob’s dom and he can wait and work with hob until hob is ready.

I actually really love this concept. I can totally see that this would be hard for Hob! He's dealing with a lot of feelings, anxieties and a lot of past experiences that haunt him. As much as he wants submission, he can't necessarily just do it - that's not how it works.

But Dream is so good to him. He takes a moment to remind Hob that dominance and submission isn't all about sex and power. It's also about love and developing trust. So that means little things, as well as big ones. Talking about feelings (Dream’s least favourite thing, but he'll do it. For Hob.), creating an environment which is going to help Hob go into subspace, doing very thorough aftercare, journally stuff that comes up outside of a "session". Somewhere along the line, Hob is going to realise that he doesn't need to be the best sub in the entire world. He just needs to be embody what he really feels when he's with Dream.

Despite all of the stuff he's got going on inside, Dream is basically just a very good dom, and that's very helpful to Hob (who's probably never had a real dom who understood the dynamic beyond wanting to make another person hurt). And really, Dream doesn't mind if Hob never reaches subspace. He's happy to dominate him lovingly and coax him into kneeling and submitting without entering the headspace.

But Hob is going to do it. One day, he'll slip so easily under Dream’s hands and voice, and it will be everything he's wanted and imagined. It's going to take work, but in a way Hob is grateful. He's never felt closer to Dream than when they're working on this together. And above all else, he finally feels safe.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

A/N: This wasn't supposed to be so long or so angsty, and yet, here we are. . . 🤷‍♀️

What if they accidentally kissed during the Big Boy scene? Aka Eddie's bisexual awakening. . .

Eddie grinned at Steve, Robin peering over his shoulder, but he wasn't looking at her.

"Oh, I'm not going to be the one driving this thing. Harrington's got her, don't ya, big boy?" Eddie smirked.

Big boy? Where the hell did that come from? He hurriedly invaded his space like he does when he feels awkward, and of course, they were already pretty close. Steve just had to move his head. Fuck. Their lips brushed against each other. They froze for a moment before they pulled away. Eddie didn't have any time to think about what just happened because Steve pulled him up, and suddenly, they were peeling out of the trailer park. They were on their way to the War Zone, and Eddie was sitting behind Steve, listening to him talk about his dreams. It gave him plenty of time to think about what the hell just happened.

Holy shit! His first kiss and it was with Steve Harrington. It was an accident, though. It didn't mean anything to him, did it? No, it definitely meant something to him. He wanted to do it again. As he thought about it, his mind began to wonder. More kissing, in the heat of victory. Vecna was dead, vanquished, and Eddie was cleared of any wrongdoing. Steve was grinning as he pulled Eddie into his arms, dipped him, and kissed him like he was a nurse on V-J day. Fast forward years later, and they had a house together. Eddie and Steve were chasing their kids around the house. The sound of their little feet and their giggles filled the home they built together. Wooah, getting a little ahead of yourself there, Munson? Suddenly, a pair of fingers were snapping in front of his face. His eyes came into focus.

"Jesus, what the hell? I thought you were. . .what were you thinking about?" Robin asked with a smirk.

"Sorry, you have to be a higher level to unlock that information, Buckley," Eddie said.

"Damn, is saving your ass not enough?" She laughed. "Anyways, we're going in. Can you babysit Dustin, Lucas, and Steve?"

"I don't need babysitting," Steve scowled.

"The tables have turned, Steve-o. Deal with it," Robin scoffed. "I'm laying my Dingus in your hands. Don't fail me, Munson. Steve, we'll get you clothes and shoes, along with proper bandages."

She followed the others out of the RV after she whispered something to Steve. Eddie was pretty sure she asked if he wanted Eddie to be his nurse. Steve plopped down next to him, his cheeks red. It looked like Dustin was going to join them, but Steve held up a hand to stop him. He twirled his finger, indicating that he wanted Dustin and Lucas to turn around. They rolled their eyes and did it, anyway.

"So. . .are we going to talk about what happened back there?" Steve asked.

"Oh, yeah," Eddie said sheepishly. "I hope I didn't freak anyone out. I was just lost in thought."

"Oh. . .I was actually talking about our lips, you know, connecting. . .but should we talk about that, too?" Steve asked.

"Oh, that. . .I mean, it was an accident, right?" Eddie asked, blushing.

"I mean, it was. . .," Steve trailed off.

"Even if you were into guys, why in the hell would you be interested in me?" Eddie asked.

"You're making assumptions again," Steve said in amusement.

"What other assumptions are you referring to?" Eddie asked.

"Well, you assumed that Nancy and I were still into each other. . .hmm, very wrong about that. Now, you're open to the possibility that I might be into guys, but I definitely wouldn't be into you. You are extremely wrong about the fact that I wouldn't be into you. I was going to say that it was a happy accident," Steve said.

Eddie completely forgot that anyone else was still there when he surged forward to capture his lips. Steve laughed, and Eddie could feel it vibrate against his mouth. Eddie blushed and pulled away.

"Shit, sorry, I forgot we weren't alone," Eddie whispered.

"Don't worry, it looks like they've forgotten too," Steve whispered.

Dustin and Lucas were talking animatedly with one another, their backs facing them. Eddie smiled and went back to kissing him.

[Meanwhile. . .

"So, we're just going to ignore the fact that they're making out behind us?" Lucas whispered to Dustin.

"Yes," Dustin whispered. "We know about Steve, but we don't know about Eddie, so yes, we're going to ignore them until Eddie is ready."]

A moment later, everyone came running in, and Steve quickly pulled away from Eddie before anyone could see them. He jumped into the driver's seat and drove them away to an open field. Erica threw a bag at Steve and Eddie.

"I got you a belt I thought you might like. Steve, I got you some clothes and a jacket that's gonna make you look cool for once. You better wear it. We got you some supplies, and you better tend to those wounds properly because no way in hell is my favorite brother going to die from a dumbass infection," Erica said.

"Excuse me! I'm right here!" Lucas exclaimed.

"I know," Erica said, staring him down before exiting the vehicle.

"This isn't a real suggestion, but if she did face Vecna, she wouldn't even need a weapon, right?" Eddie asked.

"No fucking kidding," Steve said.

"Everyone's out. . .so I'm going to go and let you have some privacy," Eddie blushed.

"Wait, I'm going to need help with my back. . .if you don't mind," Steve said.

"If you wanted me to feel you up, all you had to do was ask," Eddie winked, and Steve scoffed.

Eddie helped him peel off his vest and slung it across the table. He locked the door and turned to face Steve, his cheeks red at the sight of Steve shirtless again. The first time it happened, on that damned boat, and Steve just slung his sweater at him. . .God, there was this jolt of something that awoke in Eddie. He had no clue what it was. . .no, he knew what it was. He just didn't want to admit to it, didn't want to accept it, which is crazy considering how much of everything else about himself he manages to accept. Maybe because it would go against his doctrine again. There was a stirring with Chrissy that he felt. He didn't want to admit that he had a type. No, him liking guys was something he could accept. Steve and Chrissy? No, no way. Chrissy. . .and like a punch to the gut, he was suddenly reminded that nothing was going to happen, not anything because she was dead. He was never going to get to know her, to see her standing in the crowd at one of his shows, or to find out if she would have even been his friend. . .if she would have returned the feelings, or. . . Would she have accepted that he also had feelings for Steve? Shit, he didn't even know what her favorite color was. Oh, she carried around that little pink backpack. Was it pink? Shit. He did not want to build her up in his head, but he knew what kind of person she was in that moment. . . At that picnic table. Will he ever go back to that table and not think of her? It was the loss of knowing her, that he never would, that broke the dam. Suddenly, Steve was cupping his face.

"Eddie?" Steve asked and he burst into tears.

"She's dead, Steve," Eddie sobbed, and Steve's eyes were full of understanding. "I'm sorry, I'm supposed to be helping you and I'm fucking falling apart here."

"It was bound to happen at some point. I'm surprised you managed to keep it together this long," Steve replied.

He pulled Eddie against him and let him cry into his shoulder. Eddie let out a deep, aching sob as he grieved for the girl he never got to know. He whimpered and pulled back.

"I feel like I don't deserve to feel this, but I think I was starting to develop something for her, you know?" Eddie said, sniffling. "Is that okay?"

"Of course, more than okay," Steve said softly.

He leaned against the table and pulled Eddie in between his legs. He rubbed his arms gently before taking his hands in his. Eddie slipped his fingers through Steve’s, interlocking their fingers together.

"After this," Eddie whispered, leaning his forehead against Steve’s. "I'm not going to waste a single moment. I'm going to cherish every single one with you. Ugh! I sound like a sap. Steve Harrington, what the hell are you doing to me?"

"I'm just that irresistible," Steve said with a grin. "You're a cute sap though."

"We only just started getting to know each other," Eddie said. "It seems like all of this is happening so quickly. I fucking ran at lightning speed through my sexuality crisis."

"Yeah, trauma bonding will do that to you. Robin didn't like me at first," Steve said. "But now she's my platonic soulmate, and I can't imagine life without her."

"I just wish it hadn't started like this," Eddie said.

"Look at this way," Steve said, wrapping his arms around his waist. "We would have gotten together no matter what because of Dustin."

"That little shit was determined to get us to hang out," Eddie said.

"And we both would have caved eventually," Steve said, shrugging his shoulders. "That's what I like about you. I don't think there is anything that you wouldn't do for that kid. Neither would I."

"Annoying, isn't it? How he manages to claw his way into collecting older brothers like they're trading cards," Eddie snorted.

"See? We definitely would have bonded over him," Steve said.

"We still can," Eddie said and began to work on Steve’s bandages. "What's your favorite color?"

"Yellow, why?" Steve asked.

"Just curious. Mine's red," Eddie said as he began to disinfect his wounds. "Um. . .boxers or briefs?"

"Seriously?" Steve laughed.

"Just trying to get to know you," Eddie said.

"Both," Steve said as he turned around so Eddie could tend to the wounds on his back.

Eddie paused for a moment before giggling.

"Me too," Eddie replied and they both laughed.

As they prepared for war, Eddie couldn't help but think about the times he would get up early and watch the sunrise on the roof of his trailer. Sometimes, Max would join him on the roof, and they would just sit there quietly.

"You listen to the same music Billy did," Max said the first time.

"I am nothing -," Eddie started to say.

"I know," she said quickly. "Billy never would have taken in Mike, Dustin, and Lucas the way that you did. I wish - "

Max started to say, but she choked up and went quiet. Eddie sometimes wished that he had pushed her to say more, but he knew what it was like at that age to be an angry, stricken with grief kid who didn't want to talk. So, he did what Wayne did and let her sit there with him to watch the rise of a new day. He remembered the rays of light coming through, the twinkle of the stars disappearing into the light, and right now, he couldn't help but compare them to the freckles on Steve’s face. He was the sun, a bigger star surrounded by slightly smaller ones. They were protecting him as much as he was protecting them. Does the sun die a little when one of their smaller stars goes out, or does it burn a little brighter? He'd have to look that up.

But what he couldn't help but ponder on was the rays of light coming through during a sunrise. The colors were a multitude of red, yellow, and pink. He couldn't help but think about what that meant, how it oddly made him think of Chrissy and Steve. His type wasn't preppy people, but people made of pure starlight, both lights hidden safely by the sunlight but seen so clearly standing with the darkness, shining brighter and stronger than before. They were all made of stardust, he thought. Some were just more obvious than the others. He thought about that more on the way back to the Creel House. You're trying too hard to be poetic, Munson, he thought to himself. As Max walked by him, Eddie squeezed her hand and pleaded with his eyes. Come back. She squeezed his hand and did the same.

"Steve. . .," Eddie called out.

They were in the Upside Down now. The other three were off to face Vecna while Eddie and Dustin were set to be the distractions for the bats. Promises had been made. Don't be cute. Don't be heroes. Steve whirled around, and Eddie was nearly thrown back by the soft look in Steve's eyes. God, he wanted to. . .just one more time.

"Make him pay," he said.

What if they died? Fuck it. Eddie threw caution to the wind and closed the gap between them, crashing his lips to Steve’s in a harsh kiss. He can worry about the consequences later. Steve gripped his hips as he kissed him back eagerly, his hands holding on tightly to the bullet belt. Eddie smirked. He definitely liked the belt. He broke the kiss.

"I just wanted you to know that I really think that you look hot in your new jacket," Eddie said, breathing heavily.

"Yeah, I'll wear it more often, as long as you promise to wear that belt when we, uh, start hanging out," Steve said.

"Hmm, the belt and nothing else?" Eddie asked.

"S-shit," Steve stuttered, his cheeks turning red as the image broke his brain.

"Seriously?!" Robin scowled and pulled her best friend away. "You said what you needed to say. Let's go! Do not get my best friend all excited in the middle of a mission!"

"I prefer the term 'quest'," Eddie replied, and she rolled her eyes, flipping him off as she dragged Steve away.

He giggled when Robin slapped Steve out of it. Eddie turned around to find Dustin looking up at the sky.

"I didn't see or hear anything unless you wanted me to," Dustin said, his eyes closed. "Although, I really hope that you didn't want me to hear that last part."

"Relax, Henderson, I have nothing to hide from you. I trust you with my life," Eddie replied, causing Dustin to smile before punching him in the arm.

"NEVER put that image into my head again," Dustin said, and Eddie let out a cackle.

It all happened so fast. The most metal concert occurred, and then the next thing he knew, he was rushing to buy them more time. For Steve. For Chrissy. Suddenly, Eddie was lying on the ground as the bats tore into his flesh, and then Dustin was screaming, crying over him. Man, he wanted it so badly to be his year. As his vision grew dark, he thought he heard Steve screaming his name, and then he was floating. Is this what death was like?

Eddie opened his eyes and blinked at the white lights. Wait. . .what the fuck? Was he in Heaven? What idiot allowed him into Heaven? Wait. . .it was real? Well, if hell was real, then Heaven could be real, too. Okay, there wouldn't be an annoying beeping sound in Heaven. . .unless. . .this was hell, and the annoying beeping sound was his punishment. Oh, fuck, was it too late to turn his life around? His vision became clearer, and suddenly, his uncle's face came into view.

"I'm alive?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, Eds, you're alive," Wayne said tearfully.

"Eddie?" A voice asked.

Eddie looked over and saw Steve on his other side. Eddie grinned.

"Hey, sunshine," he croaked.

"Hey, glad you're awake," Steve said, trying to hold back his emotions. "Everyone is alright. Max has a broken arm, and Lucas's face is busted up, but we have everything all cleared up. You're a free man."

"Holy shit," Eddie muttered.

"You should know that Steve here hasn't left your side, neither has Eddie junior out there for that matter," Wayne said and gave him a soft look.

Wayne was a man of few words, so over the years, Eddie has learned to read his looks. He knew what that one meant. His eyes were full of knowing.

"You know?" Eddie asked with wide eyes. "How the fuck do you know when I didn't even know until everything happened?!"

"Boy, watch your damn language in front of your gentleman caller," Wayne replied. "And you're a terrible liar, especially when you're lying to yourself. I figured you'd tell me when you were ready to accept it."

"Gentleman caller? Wayne, have you been reading romance novels again?" Eddie asked with an exasperated sigh. "I just want to point out that you fucking swore."

"Maybe I have been reading them. So what?" Wayne asked. "And I just want to point out that he's not my gentleman caller. I'm gonna let you two have a minute. Let EJ know what you're awake, and I just remembered I have the perfect hat for him."

"EJ?" Eddie asked as Wayne left the room.

"It's what he's been calling Dustin," Steve said with a smirk.

"Eddie Junior. . .," Eddie muttered. "So, uh, what would have happened if we hadn't accidentally kissed?"

"Oh, you probably would have spent months pining after me, and I probably would have eventually put you out of your misery by asking you out. Maybe," Steve smirked.

"Oh, you would have been the one to pine after me, big boy, so fuck you," Eddie said.

"I hope that's one of your goals," Steve replied with a smirk.

"You really like me?" Eddie asked with a dreamy sigh.

"I really like you, baby," Steve replied and pushed hair out of his eyes.

Even though he was in a lot of pain, Eddie felt absolutely giddy at the nickname.

"You know, before all of this, I really thought that I, uh, hated you, but I think it was always a crush," Eddie blushed.

"I'm glad we were both wrong about each other," Steve said softly as he brushed hair out of his eyes. "You better hurry up and get better because I don't know how long I can wait to take you on a date."

"Uh, Steve, as lovely as that would be, I don't know if going on a date in public after everything that happened would be a good idea," Eddie said.

"No," Steve said, rolling his eyes. "But I was thinking a nice picnic on Mount Weathertop would be very nice and private."

"You're taking me on a date to Middle Earth!? Yeah, I think that's private enough!" Eddie said cheekily and then dropped his smile. "Wait, there isn't a gate that will take us there. . .is there?"

"Sorry to disappoint you. It's a hill overlooking Hawkins," Steve replied.

"Sounds romantic," Eddie replied.

Before Eddie could say anything else, the door burst open, and his room started to fill up. Dustin was at the front of the group, followed by Mike and the rest of Hellfire. Eddie had been surprised to find that Jim Hopper, the same one who used to arrest him and the same who supposedly died last year. Eddie wasn't sure why anything surprised him anymore. Everyone seemed to be talking all at once, but he wasn't paying attention to them. The only thing that he could focus on was the star sitting in the corner of the room.

Eventually, Eddie left the hospital room and healed up enough to trudge up the path to Mount Weathertop with his boyfriend. Now, Eddie was sitting on the blanket with Steve’s head in his lap as he read the Hobbit to him. His voice grew tired, and he tossed it onto the blanket so he could run his fingers through Steve’s hair. They watched as the sun began to set, and as the sky grew dark, Eddie could almost picture Chrissy's smile in the stars that were appearing. He could almost hear her voice telling him that it was okay, that she was free now. Eddie smiled and exhaled.