#or does she choose to pull back from how easy it is to hate and find another path forward?

[spending-life-pretending]

If season 1 of Arcane was centered around the conflict of “which one’s it gonna be, Jinx or Powder?” with the ramifications of that one decision rippling out to affect everyone else’s storylines, then the analogous character whose internal conflict is central to season 2 is Caitlyn.

[monstersflashlight]

Commission for @sammehshark

Request: dragon x fem reader, where the reader is a knight sworn to protect the dragon who is royalty. does that work??🥺

A/N: Hope you enjoy this!

From fury to fire

Dragon x fem!reader || teasing, hate sex (but not really), oral sex, size kink, overstimulation

Feeling him inside of you, so deep you could feel him in the back of your throat as he pounded into you chanting about how much he liked your human body, you couldn’t avoid thinking about the first time you met and how his feelings about you weren’t exactly of love (or so he said).

His father, the king, just introduced you as the new royal knight, the one who would protect the prince from now on. You knew it was unusual, a human protecting a dragon? Nobody would suspect that, and that’s exactly why they choose you. And because you were the best knight in the royal army, that too, but the surprise factor was the main reason. You would blend in as his servant, as someone there to help him, but not to protect him. And that would make you the best royal knight possible, and the king knew this. But his son wasn’t so keen on the idea.

“How can a human protect me?” He almost spit the word. The way he roared his disapproval made you feel like a bug, but it also ignited such fury inside of you that before you could realize you were walking up to him, so much bigger than you, your eyes blazing with rage.

You pressed your index finger to his scaly chest, not even caring he was your boss AND your prince. Without blinking you told him: “What better than a human,” you mocked his tone, “to protect a dragon? Is somebody going to suspect I’m the best knight in the army?”

He huffed a laugh, smoke coming out of his nose as he did. “You aren’t the best knight in the army,” he mocked, like the idea was stupid in its own.

You knew you shouldn’t. You knew it wasn’t a good idea. You knew you just got hired, and even if you were great, kicking the prince’s ass was probably not a good move. But he laughed at you, and you were beyond annoyed. So you did what you did best: you maneuvered your body around his much bigger one until he had his back to the floor and you were sitting on his chest smiling down at him.

“Well, my lord,” your tone was full of venom, “guess you aren’t better than me.” You couldn’t believe you used to have a crush in the stupid dragon. (And couldn’t believe even less that you still did.)

“Enough you two,” the king roared, a breath of fire leaving his mouth and almost setting the curtains on fire. “She’s going to be your new guard, and you are going to let her,” the king continued, stopping your bickering.

He grunted in annoyance but didn’t say anything else as you got up. You didn’t offer him a helping hand, you didn’t even say anything as he walked out of the room and you followed close. Your job just began, and you already knew it was going to be intense.

The first couple weeks were weird. He didn’t talk to you and you didn’t talk to him, you simply followed close every time he left the palace and he dismissed you as soon as you entered. You didn’t have to do much outside pulling away some of his fans (even though he insisted they weren’t his fans). It was okay, an easy job.

Until one day someone tried to stab him and you saved his life. He grunted as you stopped the attacker and diffused the situation, calling reinforcements to take him away. He seemed tense when you walked back to the palace, as if your presence alone was driving him insane.

“You should quit,” he stated as you walked him to his room, your body still thrumming with adrenaline and pent up tension after the incident.

You registered his words a second later, grunting a very loud: “No.” You just saved his life and he was acting like you were still a bug, and it started to make you angry. Adrenaline and anger didn’t mix well with your impulsive self.

You arrived at his door, and he turned around to look at you, his face impassible as he asked: “Why are you so infuriating? Why aren’t you scared of me even? I’m twice your size and you are standing there as if I was normal.” He sounded almost annoyed.

“I have loyalty to the crown, my lord,” you told him. His title left your mouth like a dart, leaving him speechless for a second.

You tried not to refer to him as my lord after he specified, you couldn’t, but you had enough. You were mad at him, and high on adrenaline, and he was being a dickhead. You protected him, he could have died, and instead of being concerned he was attacking you for doing your job. For protecting him.

You could see the muscle in his scaly jaw twitch. “Stop that.”

You couldn’t hold yourself back from teasing him more, wanting to get a rise out of him, wanting him to be as mad as you were. As desperate. “What do you mean, my lord?” You played dumb.

“Stop acting all proper and shit. Stop referring to me like that. I don’t like it.” You already knew that, but your anger blinded your brain.

“What do you like then, my lord?” Your voice was filled with amusement and teasing.

“You,” he answered simply, leaving you speechless.

Your brain short-circuited and all the anger inside of you disappeared, confusion overpowering any other emotion you could have. “Wh-what? I thought you didn’t like humans like me.” You cursed yourself, your words sounded stupid out loud.

He laughed bitterly, his claws grabbing your arms and getting you closer to the heat of his big body. “You were wrong. I like humans like you a little bit too much.” There was something in his tone you couldn’t decipher.

“What does that mean?”

He looked at you like you were stupid, and you almost felt like it at the moment. “You think I haven’t been dying to taste you since you knocked me on my ass? You think it hasn’t been driving me crazy to see you all proper and ready to fight for me every time we leave the house? You are wrong, little knight.” And then he claimed your mouth, his big wings coming around your body, cradling you into the tightest and warmest embrace of your life as he devoured your mouth like a starving dragon.

You give back as much as he was giving you, kissing him senseless as you moaned against his mouth. His hands found your middle and he urged you up, your legs wrapping around his middle as he walked backwards into the room, closing the door behind you.

And then his claws were everywhere, groping your ass, touching every inch of your body as you shivered and moaned. The kisses became frantic as you ground against the hard on you could feel against your hot center. He playfully bite down onto your lower lip with his fangs and you let out such a loud moan that he chuckled, pulling away and looking at you like he just saw you for the first time.

He kissed the tip of your nose in the most tender gesture ever, making your heart beat faster and faster. He walked to the bed, laying you down so carefully you felt like a treasure. “You are going to be a good little knight for me now? Are you going to let me give you what you deserve?” His tone was teasing, but there was an edge of intensity there that made you shiver.

“And what is that?” You asked, out of breath after such intense make out session.

“To be worshiped.”

He launched at you, tearing down your clothes and his own, getting you naked in less than a minute. His hands found your legs as he pulled them apart, burying his face in your dripping pussy. He ate you out desperately, his way too long tongue hitting every pleasure point in and out of you, his movements frantic as you moaned. Your hands tried to find some kind of grab in his head, but the smoothness of his scales didn’t allow you to. You ended up grabbing onto the sheets as you cried out his name in an earth shattering orgasm.

You had never come so fast and so hard, but he wasn’t done with you. He positioned himself over you, his big body towering over you like a god. You looked at his scaled dick with concern. “I don’t know if that will fit,” you warned him.

“It will, my little knight, you were made for me,” the tone of his voice left no room for arguing and it made your heart skip a beat.

He started slow, pressing inside of you little by little. He felt so big, so wide, you were about to be split apart. But in a good way. In the best way. He was panting over you, his wings twitching as he tried to be as slow as possible as he kept going and going… and going. By the time he bottomed out you were squirming underneath him, your mouth closing around his hand next to your ear. You bite down hard, making him curse and bulk against you, the movement making both of you groan.

And that was it. It was all it took for him to lose himself on you completely. He roared and started a frantic pace, each thrust making you scream his name as he pounded into your aching core. The scales of his dick felt smooth and soft inside of you, stimulating your G-spot until you were trembling under him with another orgasm.

He didn’t stop. He kept fucking you as you groaned and moaned, the universe fading into the background as he drove you to another dimension filled with pleasure and an incredibly hot dragon fucking you.

You came at least three more times before he looked up and roared his climax, fire leaving his mouth as he burned part of the ceiling as you giggled under him. His erratic movements making you see stars, but your body was too spent to come again.

He filled you to the brim and pulled back, staring at the point where his come was leaking out of your overused pussy. He smirked, his claw pushing the come back inside over and over as you whimpered in oversensitivity.

“My little knight wasn’t as fierce in bed as she’s in combat, are you?” He teased, kissing your soft tummy with reverence.

“You are so cocky…” You caressed the top of his scaly head, and he purred in delight, making you smile down at him.

“And you like it,” he stated, and you couldn’t deny that. “And I like you,” he said with another kiss to your hip, tickling you at the same time.

After that day everything got better. Knowing he didn’t hate you, but he was head over heels for you made it simpler (and complicated at the same time). But you two made it work. You took care of him outside the castle… and he made sure to take care of you inside it.

[rosenclaws]

obsessed with your ex || Worst!Logan Howlett smut

summary: In his world you were his wife and he loved you and then you died. In this world you're his girlfriend and he loves you. At least you think he does. Still you can't help the voice in the back of your head telling you that you're nothing but a sad replacement.

warnings: SMUT, MINORS DNI!! 18+ ONLY. insecure + jealous!reader, a very very toxic mindset, the reader's mind is very mean to her, reader is a mutant that can make objects disappear, angst, happy ending, rough sex, riding, french kissing, oral (f!receiving), a slight breakdown, soft sex, missionary, Logan is kinda a softie, cockwarming, fingering.

wc: 2.5k

a/n: Okay so it's here!! I need to make this clear that the readers mindset is NOT healthy and that relationships need good communication. That being said here's my fic idea that I've been thinking about for a bit. I love Olivia Rodrigo sm (I even saw her in concert!!) and this song was just begging to be written into a fic. Anyways I really hope you like it and that it's not too insane lmao. Also i made the graphic but i kinda hate it but i dont wanna change it so here we are I know it's ugly but its FINE

How long have you been here? Staring. Observing every little thing about you. Your nose, your eyes, your lips, your hair, your chin. The way your arms fall by your sides. Every. Little. Detail.

Did she have the same colored eyes? Did she talk like you? Was she smart? Was she powerful? Did he look at her the same way? Did he fuck her like he fucks you?

You clench your fists as you stare angrily at the mirror. He loves you. He says he loves you and yet it feels like you can never compare to her. She was the love of his life. She was an X-Men. She died. She was you. You're his dead fucking wife in his universe while you were nothing to the Logan in this one. 

He looked at you like a kicked puppy that first day you met. A lost little pet that had been searching for its owner. Dragged through hell and back just to get to you. It was easy to fall for him. Handsome, a little rough around the edges. You hadn’t even been dating for that long but it didn’t matter right? He worshiped you. He loved you. He promised he loved you.

But sometimes in the back of your head you wonder if when he's kissing you, does he imagine her? Does he close his eyes while he's pounding into you and imagine it's her? How could you ever compete? She was perfect, she was kind, she was everything to him. Spiraling deeper and deeper into a whirlpool of doubt and envy. There's a heavy pounding on the door but you choose to ignore it. Too wrapped up in your twisted mind to care. 

"Sweetheart, let me in." Logan's gruff voice was slightly muffled by the door. 

You clench your jaw as you finally tear your eyes away from the mirror. You slam open the door taking Logan by surprise. His eyes scan yours for injury, a worried look in his face as he steps into the bathroom. 

"I got worried, you were in here a long time." His arms wrap around your waist. 

He's looking at you with pity. At least that's what your brain tells you. Was he worried that you were hurt because he loves you or because he was thinking of her death again? You know he still dreams of her. He can hide it when he's awake but the nightmares don't lie. It hurts so bad. Love me. Love me. You're jealous you know. She's dead, she's gone. So why can't he love you. You push him off and storm out the bathroom. Nothing makes sense anymore in your head. 

"What the fuck?" Logan follows you and you feel yourself tensing up. 

It's a miracle your powers haven't started to go haywire yet. So many different emotions swirl around in your head until it mixes together to form one single feeling.

Need.

You grab Logan's shirt and pull him into you. Smashing your lips onto his with a hunger that you've never felt before. Logan hisses as you bite his bottom lip harshly but you don't give him time to say anything as you slip your tongue into his mouth. He groans as he starts to take some control back. Hands slipping up your shirt and ripping to shreds with ease.

You pull back from his lips, chest heaving for air as you paw at his shirt. Silently demanding he take it off which he happily does. Your lips are back onto his in an instant. He slowly walks you back until you fall onto the bed. You fall onto the bed and lick your lips. The bugle in his pants is evident as you flick your hand and the belt disappears. 

"I liked that belt." You pay no mind to his comment as you unbutton his jeans and pull them down, leaving him in his boxers. 

"Easy there sweetheart," Logan pushes you back gently and crawls on top of you. Logan kisses down your chest, teasing each nipple with his tongue. 

"Let me take my time." He purrs.

His hands touch and squeeze your breasts roughly making you whine. You watch his arms move, god he's so hot. He's close to making you forget. He kisses down, down, all the way down. He sneaks out the tip of his claws to pop open the button of your pants and he yanks them down until they're all the way off.

"There she is, my perfect girl." His girl. That's right your his girl. No one else's.

Logan pulls your panties to the side as he situates himself between your legs. He stuffs his face without shame, licking hungrily and practically moaning at the taste. You arch your back as Logan devours you. Watching his back muscles move are mesmerizing. He's yours. He loves you. He promises he does.

You can't stop the thoughts that begin to invade you. Overwhelmed by pleasure from Logan and pain from the horrible ideas that pop into your head. Did he do this with her too? Did he worship her? Do you taste like her? Is that why he can't get enough? 

"Fuck!" You hiss as you sit up and tell Logan to stop. He does immediately, wondering what the hell is going on. 

"Can't fucking wait." You scratch down his chest with your nails. He groans and tries to crawl on top of you but you shake your head. 

"I'm going to ride you until you can't come anymore." You growl.

You bite his shoulder harshly making him hiss. It heals right up much to your dismay. How badly you wish you could mark him. You make his boxers disappear but before he can make a smart comment you sink down on him all the way. You whimper as you start to bounce on his cock. Loving how much he fills you.

You need to be fucked stupid. You're desperate for Logan to fuck every bad thought out of your head. To promise that he loves you so that you can believe him. You want to believe him. Please, you have to believe him. 

"Sweetheart." Logan's breath is labored as you relentlessly fuck yourself on his cock. You feel so damn good but fuck he can tell something is on your mind. 

"What do you need, let me help you." He sits up on his hands, placing one on your back as he tries to get you to slow down. His words make you want to scream. What do you need? You look at him and the only thing your rotten brain can tell you is that he is thinking of her. 

"I need you to fucking love me!" You yell.

The dam of built up feelings breaks down as tears pour out of your eyes. Ugly, horrible sobs that make your body shake. Logan watches with horror in his eyes as he stills your hips, using his strength to lift you off of him as you continue to cry. 

"I do love you." He says softly but you shake your head. 

"No!" You shout. You pound your fist against Logan's chest over and over again but he barely moves. 

"You love her! I know you do." Logan's heart breaks at the sound of your sobs. 

"I'm not your dead fucking wife Logan!" You should regret the words coming out of your mouth but you can't stop them. 

"You look at me and you see her. Like I'm just some fucking placeholder!" You let out an anguished scream as Logan captures your wrists in his hands. You know the stories. She was a hero, she was perfect in every single way. 

"How can I compete with, with her?" You say completely defeated.

Your head falls against his chest. There's a sense of relief that washes over you. Thoughts that have plagued you for months are finally out in the open. Yet the fear of what comes next overtakes any other feeling.

"Look at me." Logan tilts your head up but you push his hand away. 

"Sweetheart." He sighs and lets go of your face.

Logan's never been good at this. Talking. Being vulnerable. Then he lost everything and he hardened even more and he just. This was a new chance at life and even though it's hard he can't lose it all again. 

"I know you're not her. Of course I do." Logan presses his forehead against yours, trying to get you to look at him. 

"You loved her..." You croak out. 

"I did love her. She was my wife. But I love you too. In a different way." He's a different man. Having gone through tremendous loss. It shaped him into who he is now. 

"You're different people. Your powers act differently, you talk differently, you feel different. You are not a replacement." He says firmly. 

When you finally look at him he feels this horrible pit in his stomach. He wipes away your tears but doesn't make any other move. It's not the right time.

"Would you have even given me a second thought? If I didn't look like her?" You ask, that question has haunted you for a while now but you never asked, too afraid of the answer. Logan is silent, unsure of how to answer. 

"When I first saw you it was like a punch in the face." He starts. "For a moment I was 20 years in the past. Then I snapped out of it. You look like her, yes but you’re not her.” He gently traces a small scar on your jaw that you got when you were a child. 

“I’m not the same as your Logan right? He was a leader, a hero and I was an angry drunk murderer.” 

“I’m not gonna start listing all your fucking differences sweetheart, but I swear on my life that I love you for you.” He pulls you into a tight hug as you start to cry again. You cling onto him as tight as you can. The bad thoughts don’t just stop, even if you want them to but Logans whispering sweet words in your ear. Pushing out every bad thought for now.

“Logan,” You take a deep breath, letting Logan invade all your senses. Tobacco and whiskey. 

“I need you.” He’s hesitant, not sure if it’s the right time.

“Please, I just need you.”

“Okay sweetheart, you have me.” He slowly rolls you over and lays you on your back.

He captures your lips into a kiss. His hips rolling slowly making you moan softly. His lips drift from your lips to the corner of your mouth to your cheek, trailing down. Each one so gentle, so full of love.

“You have this spot, righttt here.” Logan nibbles on your neck and you gasp when bites right at this spot that drives you wild. You melt into the mattress as he kisses over it.

“Always makes you relax.” He crawls lower, kissing down your body. He sits up on his knees and grabs a pillow to place under your back.

“I know you like to be slightly elevated because it means I can go just a little deeper.” He purrs as he takes his cock in his hands and gently rubs the tip of it along your folds. He slides two fingers into your cunt slowly.

“Know that my fingers drive you absolutely wild, that you need me to go slow to start.” You nod absentmindedly.

You never realized he picked up on all these things. His fingers start to slide in smoother, your cunt getting wetter for him. He leans down and takes a deep breath, groaning at the scent. He slips them out and licks them clean.

“Relax sweetheart,” He spreads your thighs and slips in all the way. Going slow but unrelenting, stretching you just how you like.

“So impatient, you never let me take it easy on you right? Just wanna be full all the time.” He leans down on his elbows as he rolls his hips nice and slow.

There will be no rough sex this time, this is about love. To show you that he truly does love you for you.

“Look at me,” He tilts your head so that your eyes meet. He smiles at the desperate look on your face.

“You can pretend it makes you all embarrassed, but I know you like eye contact.” He hums as he angles his hips so that he hits that perfect spot.

You jolt as pleasure rocks through your whole body but he keeps you under him. He’s slowly and methodically tearing you apart. Every touch, every word out of his mouth just makes it better. He knows. Of course he does.

“I love you Logan.” Your hands cup his face as you stare into his hazel eyes.

This time not filled with lust, but with a true deep love. He looks at you like you’re everything.

“I love you too.” He kisses you as he starts to pick up the pace of his thrusts. He smirks as he feels you start to squirm under him. You could never help it when you were close.

“Come on sweetheart, just let go.” He whispers in your ear.

His deep voice paired with the unrelenting feeling of his cock is all it takes. He holds you in his firm arms as a warm and wonderful tingling sensation runs through your whole body. A blissful smile on your face as you tilt your head back.

You feel your whole body relax as your mind calms. Logan tries to hide his growls as he fucks into you a little faster, until he’s coming hard and deep inside of you. He sighs in contentment as he stays inside of you. He taps your cheek lightly and you look up at him.

“I love you. No one else. Just you.” He moves to pull out but you whine. You need to be close to him right now. He chuckles as he slowly moves to your side. Spooning you tightly with his cock still deep inside of you.

“Can we talk?” You ask shyly.

“About what?” Logan grunts as he pulls you as close as he can get you.

“Anything?” He’s not much of a talker so he asks the questions instead.

How did you discover your powers? How did you meet wade? Just anything and everything and you tell him.

You talk for who knows how long. Staying wrapped in each other's arms. It helps, it really does. Logan listens, he really does listen. He wants to get to know you. He loves you. You rest your head on his chest, tracing shapes into his palm as you talk.

For the first time in a while your mind seems to settle. Ignoring any thought that may try and ruin your mood. It’s just you and him right now. There’s no looming figure of your alternate selves, not anymore.

Just you and Logan. Forever.

[togrowoldinv]

A True Love’s Kiss

Natasha Romanoff x Female Reader

When Natasha gets brainwashed, it’s up to you to bring her back to her formal self. It’s not an easy task, but maybe your love for her is the key to unlocking her memories

Note: Woohoo Natasha. Just a fun (kinda angsty) little idea I came up with today. Enjoy this one!

Natasha Masterlist 1, Natasha Masterlist 2, Natasha Masterlist 3, Main Masterlist

It’s a quiet morning as you run through the park. Memories of the last few years flash through your head, but you shake them away.

It’s been six months since you’ve heard from any of the Avengers. The so called ‘family’ left you out to dry the moment that things ended with you and Natasha.

In hindsight, it was a terrible idea to date the woman you worked with. But you knew you were in love with her and life felt too short to deny that.

You’re on the way back to your car when you sense it. A few moments later, two of your ‘old friends’ walk into your view.

“Y/n,” Steve begins. You don’t look at him.

“Come on, y/n. Look at us,” Clint adds.

“Why should I? I haven’t heard from any of you in months. All you did was side with Natasha,” you say bitterly.

“We’re sorry,” Steve says. You hate that it really seems like he means it. “Things got messy and we weren’t there for you.”

“Understatement of the century,” you remark.

You decide you’ve had enough of this. You move to open the car door but are stopped short by Clint’s next words.

“It’s Natasha,” Clint says. “She’s been compromised and we think the only person she’ll talk to is you.”

You sigh.

“And why do you think that?” You ask.

“We’ve tried everything. It’s our last idea,” Steve says. His tone has a sadness to it. “Will you come with us? Please. For Nat?”

You don’t reply, but you simply grab a bag of clothes from your car and walk closer to Steve and Clint. They’ll take that as a yes.

After walking to the quinjet, Clint takes the reins while Steve explains to you what happened to Natasha.

“She’s not herself. None of us have been able to stop her from these missions she’s been on,” he explains. “It seems like it could be the red room again. Like they’ve brainwashed her.”

“How did this even happen? How did she get that far out of reach in the first place?” You ask.

Steve hesitates to answer.

“Tell her,” Clint says.

“Tell me what?”

“Y/n, when you and Natasha broke up she went into hiding,” Steve says. “You never heard from us because we’ve been busy trying to find her. Now that we have, we have to figure out how to bring her in.”

“We found her in Russia,” Steve continues. “She’s good at what she does, you know that. But her heartbreak made her incredibly vulnerable. Even before she left the Avengers, her focus was somewhere else. Probably on how she broke your heart.”

“So this is my fault?” You wonder aloud. You don’t know if that makes you angry or sad. Maybe both.

“No,” Steve says. “It’s no one’s fault. Nat chose to leave.”

“But she’s not choosing to act like this,” Clint says. “I can tell. I can almost bring her out of it when I mention my family. And since she’s in love with you-“

“Was,” you correct him. “She was. Not anymore.”

“Right,” Clint says noncommittally. “We hope once she sees you, she’ll snap out of it.”

“So all of this is based on a hope?” You ask.

“Well, yeah,” Steve says.

“Great,” you say sarcastically. You stand up and push your way to the back of the jet to sit alone.

Truthfully, you’ve imagined reuniting with Natasha a million times. In your fantasy, she would show up at your door in the pouring rain with flowers and a romcom style apology for how she hurt you.

But this reuniting will be no romcom. You can tell from the way Steve can’t really meet your eyes that it’s bad. He cares for Natasha as deeply as you and Clint do. You can sense his fear. And Clint’s.

“We’re here,” Clint announces, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Where’s here?” You ask. You look out the front and notice the landscape is not the Avengers compound where you thought you were heading.

“There’s no time to prepare,” Steve says. “You can do this, y/n. Approach the house carefully and expect resistance. We’ll back you up but if Nat sees us we’re sure she’ll be quicker to turn against you.”

“Here’s coms,” Clint says, handing you a piece for your ear.

“Okay. Here goes nothing,” you say, taking a deep breath.

You step out of the quinjet and walk over one hundred paces to where Natasha is supposedly staying. As you expected, she doesn’t answer the front door when you knock.

Instead, you’re struck in the back of the knee. She effectively brings you down to the ground. Her legs straddle your waist. Your breath is taken away in more ways than one.

She looks beautiful yet sad. You try to shake off the fact that you’re seeing her for the first time in so long and focus on the way she’s crushing your ribs.

“Natasha,” you say.

“You don’t know me,” Nat says.

“I used to,” you answer. That throws her off briefly and you manage to squirm free. Natasha catches up fast and pins you against the door this time.

“What do you want?” Natasha asks. She feels an odd attraction to you. “Why are you here?”

“I’m here to help you,” you say.

Natasha punches the wall behind you and wraps her hand around your neck.

“Okay, you don’t like that answer,” you whimper out.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now,” Natasha commands.

You bring your arm up to pull hers away from your throat but she doesn’t stop. You plead with her with your eyes and once again she hesitates long enough for you to slip away.

She pulls her gun on you, but waits to shoot. You hold your hands up in surrender. You try again to make her remember you.

“Natasha, please,” you beg for her to relent. “You know me and I know you. It’s me, y/n.”

She doesn’t appear to have any recollection, so you go deeper.

“You love peanut butter sandwiches,” you say. “And you secretly love M&Ms but only the red ones even though they all taste the same.”

“I-“

“And you get up every morning and go for a run not because you love running but because you like to see the world before it becomes too loud and unsteady,” you continue. “And you love me. Or at least, you used to.”

“I don’t- I’m not who you think I am,” Natasha says.

“Yes you are,” you argue back.

“I’m not,” she says. Her voice breaks. You feel like you’re making progress.

“Natasha, baby, please,” you say.

She’s fighting her internal turmoil. Her objective is to take down anyone in her way.

“Y/n, get out of there,” you hear Steve in your ear.

You don’t dare reply. She’ll shoot if she thinks she’s surrounded.

“You’re an Avenger,” you say. “You’re a friend. You’re a sister. You are an aunt to Clint’s kids. You’re the love of my life.”

Natasha’s hand shakes. She thinks she knows you, but she has a mission.

You look into her eyes as she aims at your chest. Steve and Clint run towards you knowing what’s about to happen but it’s too late.

Natasha fires the weapon and you feel a lot of pain before you feel absolutely nothing. Steve hits Nat with a tranquilizer before she can shoot him and Clint as well.

The next thing you remember is waking up in the medbay at the compound.

“Hey,” Steve greets you. “You’re okay.”

“Where’s Nat?” You ask, sitting up.

“She’s detained,” he says. “And asking for you.”

“What?”

“Welcome to the world again,” Tony interrupts as he enters the room. “Dr. Cho fixed your wound up perfectly as always.”

“Oh,” you say, remembering why you’re here. The ache in your shoulder becomes more noticeable when you try to move it. “I need to see her.”

“No can do, buckaroo,” Tony says. “We’ve got Hill in there talking to her.”

“You mean interrogating her,” you correct him.

“Maybe,” Tony replies. “But we need to know whose side she’s on now.”

“Steve, please you have to let me see her,” you say. “She recognized me. She just- she needed to continue her mission.”

“I don’t know,” Steve replies. “It’s too dangerous.”

“She already shot me,” you say dryly. “What else could happen?”

Steve relents. After a couple of hours of resting, you get dressed the best you can, putting your arm in a sling.

You approach the detainment area carefully. Natasha is sitting at a table with her hands cuffed to it when you enter.

“Take those off,” you instruct the guard.

“I’m not supposed-“

“Just do it,” you say.

“Ma’am-“

“Take them off,” Steve says over the intercom.

The guard complies and unlocks the cuffs. You frown at the way they’ve rubbed her wrists raw.

“Hey,” you say to Natasha.

“How’s your shoulder?” She asks.

“Fine. Why didn’t you shoot to kill me? I know you could’ve,” you say.

“So we’re jumping right in,” Nat remarks. “You said you know me and you told me facts that no one knows. I needed to talk to you more. I needed you alive.”

“Do you know me?” You ask.

“I don’t,” she says. You can’t help but frown. “But you do feel vaguely familiar.”

“You’ve had your memories of us taken from you,” you say. “Probably by the Red Room.”

“What did you just say?” Natasha asks. She stands up and pushes you against the wall.

“Nat,” you say. Your shoulder is throbbing.

“We’re coming in to help,” Steve says urgently.

“No wait! I can do this,” you shout. “Natasha please, you wouldn’t hurt me. Not again.”

“Stop acting like you know who I am!” She shouts. “How did you get that name? The Red Room? How did you know?”

“Because Natasha we dated for over a year,” you say. “You told me everything.”

“No,” she says. “I would- I would remember if I had loved you.”

“Natasha, I love you. I love you. I love you.”

“Stop,” she cries out. “Stop. You don’t- stop it.”

“I do. I love you. Please, I love you. Find yourself in me again, Nat,” you beg her.

Natasha’s eyes fill with tears. It’s beginning to click. You think of the last effort you can make to help her remember it all.

You lean toward her and pull her in for a hug. Your good arm goes around her waist and pulls her in. Natasha doesn’t hug you back but she doesn’t pull away either.

“Please, Natasha. I need you to come back to me,” you whimper into her neck.

It feels so familiar to her. Holding you in her arms as you bury your face into her neck, but she still can’t figure out who you are to her.

“I’m sorry,” she says, pulling away from your embrace. “I just don’t remember you.”

You nod in understanding. She doesn’t know why but she doesn’t flinch when you place your hands on the sides of her face. Her cheeks feel hot under your touch.

“Can I try?” You ask her. She gets what you mean.

“Okay,” she says.

You lean in and kiss her lips softly. It’s barely there, but it’s enough to make Natasha’s heart flutter. And yours too. Under different circumstances, it would be an amazing reunion kiss.

“Y/n?” She asks when you pull away. There’s a light of recognition in her eyes.

“Yeah,” you say.

“Detka,” she begins. You could cry at the pet name. “I don’t- are you okay? Shit, this is my fault.”

She tries to inspect your wound, but you just hug her again.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m so so sorry that I hurt you.”

“It’s okay,” you say. “You didn’t know what you were doing.”

“I did when I broke your heart,” she says regretfully.

“Natasha-“

“Let me just,” she interrupts. “Let me apologize. I’m so sorry, y/n. I love you. I haven’t stopped. It’s just I got so protective of you that I couldn’t let you go on missions. I was holding you back.”

“You weren’t holding me back, Nat. I understand that you’re protective over me, but I can handle myself.”

“I know that,” she says. “I’m just so sorry.”

“Let’s go home, Natasha. We can talk about this over a cup of hot chocolate,” you suggest.

“Yeah. Let’s go home,” Nat says.

You both ignore the other Avenger’s requests that you stay at the compound and they evaluate Nat’s situation and your injury.

The hope of a true love’s kiss curing Natasha seems to be really true. Maybe fairytales are real. Maybe they’re not. But you both love each other and you were always meant to end up together again.

[greeneyessmize]

So, about Marina.

We need to talk this out. Let's go through her journey step by step.

Upon arrival, Marina thinks she may just be waiting on letters from George so they can run away together but she is losing hope. Then she realizes she is definitely pregnant. Then come the fake letters.

Desperation and survival instinct start to gnaw at her. She is looking out for not only herself. She does try to change that but fails, and accepts that the pregnancy is going forward.

So she decides to make the best of it and find a husband as soon as possible. Preferably a nice, naive, young man with decent enough money.

She has several, and I do mean several suitors, she could choose from. But she settles on Colin Bridgerton and his sweet puppy dog innocence.

She knows Pen is fond of him, but she blocks it out. She doesn't care. She focuses on Colin. The easy low, ripe hanging fruit. Who wouldn't?

Then she realizes Pen actually loves him. This will not stop her. She will stamp out this crush to ash if she has to. She's betting her life on this. Pen means nothing to her here.

She is not in this for love. Love betrayed her and put her in this mess. She wants an easy marriage with no uncomfortable questions. Right and wrong don't matter because she has already had wrong done to her.

Now Colin.

He's a young man. Hopeful, bright eyed, romantic, inexperienced.

He participates in the marriage mart because some of it is fun. There is not too much pressure on him as a 3rd son. He gets to dance and flirt, and chat with Pen. How is that not delightful?

Then along comes Marina. She is a glittery new addition to the ladies he has mostly seen here or there all his life. And everyone is interested in the shiny new toy.

Then she shows interest in him. She flirts with him. When she could seemingly have almost anyone, she lets her eyes brighten for him.

He is easily charmed. Marina, for all he and the other boys of the ton can tell, is an attractive young woman. When she decides to show him singular attention he believes it is love and his easygoing heart wants to return that, being a genuine and open person.

He is easily manipulated into an engagement, thinking that this is natural and right. But his passion never really shows, does it? He pulls back from kissing her when she is scandalously forward with him. He does not seek extra excuses to meet her in the market or at tea or at the garden entrance to the Featherington estate for example.

No. He just insists he is a gentleman.

Then he drops her as soon as her manipulations are revealed. He is angry. He is hurt. But it's like a betrayal of a new friend, not a truly wounded heart. A passionately in love man would try to justify her actions or find a way to get past this. But he just lets it drop and goes traveling to soothe his bruised ego.

Then, there is Penelope.

Sweet, shy Pen.

She is so happy to have a friend in her very own home who is kind to her. It seems like a dream come true at first. She says lovely things about Marina in LW.

Then she realizes Colin is truly interested in Marina. She hates it, but doesn't fight it at first. Penelope has already in many ways given up on Colin ever looking at her the way he looks at Marina. So she bites her tongue. She doesn't discourage the two from becoming closer, but she is not doing much to stop it either.

Then she finds out Marina's secret. She learns about George and cake and that Marina must marry in one way or another. Pen wants to help. She really does.

But she just can't stand that Marina would trick Colin. Her love for Marina is enough to ignore her tricking anyone else. Her love for Colin is so much that she wants him to be happy any way possible.

And she knows figuring out the first child is not his and then duplicity of Marina's affections would not make Colin Bridgerton happy. Unlike most men in the Ton, he knows what love is. His parents were a love match. He would understand eventually that Marina was just placating him whenever he engaged with her emotionally.

So. Having appealed to both Marina, who crushed her heart into bits efficiently, and Colin, who metaphorically ruffled her hair and told her to run along... what options were left to Pen?

Directly tell someone like her mother? She already knew and approved. Violet? Well isn't that terrifying to a shy young woman who still wants Colin's friendship? Eloise? Too mercurial, she might support the match or at least loudmouth that it was Pen who told her. Again potentially ending her friendship with Colin.

Remember, her friendship with Marina was already over, Marina just did not know it yet. You can't brutally crush someone's most treasured, secret desire (realistic or not) and have them continue to love you like nothing happened.

So, Pen uses her last resort when she learns of the pending elopement. The one thing she can do to save Colin from unhappiness and to keep her one small shred of her own happiness: being Colin's friend. She revealed Marina's secrets to the Ton.

Did this maximize damage to Marina? Yes. Did it also damage Colin? Fractionally, both compared to what was dealt to Marina and compared to the damage he would have suffered in a marriage where Marina came to merely tolerate him. (As evidenced by her entire unamusement at his olive oil joke in Season 2.)

Don't forget that Penelope also hurt herself in this. You don't sob in your best friend's arms in celebration. She broke a part of herself to do this to Marina and to Colin. She probably doubted every second of everything and a part of her always will. Her price was not public, it was not outwardly devastating, but she took damage too.

----------

In conclusion, Marina and Penelope were both some level of wrong and Colin was the blind fool in the middle. The flavors of wrong were very different, and so were the levels of damningness.

In their own ways, I can forgive each of them. Admittedly, I forgive Pen more. But that has to do with my life experiences. Former wallflower here, married to a man who is now her best friend. I have never gotten pregnant and been abandoned (though being dead is hardly George's fault here). But I can understand how desperate, how calculating that could have made me, at least in that era. Especially with people like Portia Featherington as your primary caretaker and maternal figure.

I really hope that Pen and Marina both get a chance a chance to gain closure over this peacably before Marina dies. I don't think Pen deserves to feel guilt over Marina's death. Especially as book Marina seemed to have severe depression and well, Marina is likely to have depression too considering her loss of George.

Now, if part 2 of Season 3 could just be here already, that would be absolutely lovely!

[hungermakesmonsters]

Catch Me If You Can

Chapter Seven

Plot summary : When your friend interviews for a position at Anvil, you have a chance encounter with Billy Russo. He takes you for coffee and, by the time you’re done, Billy decides he’s anything but done with you.

Pairing : Billy Russo x Reader

Story Rating : R 

Chapter Rating : PG

Warnings : [This is a fic for 18+ only, minors DNI] Billy is a bit of an asshole in this one and briefly restrains reader during an argument. Also he's kind of an entitled douche. Please check the warnings on each chapter if you choose to follow this story. 

Word Count : ~2.8k

A/N : Ok, so this chapter and the next chapter technically happen on Halloween (I know, i'm super late with this, it's just how things panned out when I decided to post a chapter a week) Thanks to everyone still following this and for all the likes, comments and reblogs, y'all are awesome!!

CHAPTER ONE | CHAPTER TWO | CHAPTER THREE | CHAPTER FOUR | CHAPTER FIVE | CHAPTER SIX

Chapter Seven

You should have known that it wouldn’t be that easy to get Billy Russo out of your life, not after the night you’d shared together. 

Six days.

That was all it took before he was trying to pull you back in and you hated that you hadn’t expected it. You’d let yourself hope that your one night had been enough, that he’d managed to get you out of his system and he’d be able to move onto whatever woman caught his eye next.

And, you - you’d been trying to forget all about it, about him. You hated leaving him but you knew it was the right thing to do, your life was too messy and you knew that you’d never recover if you let yourself fall for a man like Billy and he broke your heart. You’d done what was best for the both of you, so it pissed you off that Billy didn’t seem to want to accept that.

And it pissed you off even more that he’d decided to use your job against you - a job that he’d never seemed to judge you for, that he was now using to drag you across the city because he wasn’t prepared to take no for an answer. He’d even had the audacity to pre-pay with a two hundred dollar tip, like he thought he could buy you.

By the time you got to Anvil to collect whatever it was Billy wanted you to courier, you were livid. You made your way through the lobby and up to the top floor and, eventually, found yourself in front of the secretary.

“I’m here to collect a package,” you told her.

“Mr Russo wants to hand you it personally,” she answered in a flat tone, waving her hand towards his door, barely looking up from her computer.

“Of course he does,” you sighed, “look, I’m in a rush, can’t you just get it and bring it out here?”

“That’s above my paygrade.” And something told you that that was all you were going to get from her.

So, you did the only thing that you could do; you took a deep breath and stormed into his office. He was sitting at his desk, a takeout coffee and a half eaten bagel in front of him, and when he saw you, he had the nerve to smile.

“One night, Billy, that was the agreement,” you snapped before the door had even finished closing behind you, “We had one night and now it’s done, over.”

He didn’t answer straight away, instead he buzzed the intercom and told his secretary to go get her lunch, presumably so no one would overhear you screaming at him. And, then he stood, smoothing down his suit jacket as he did, looking every bit the businessman with an offer to pitch.

“I want a new agreement,” he stated calmly, rounding his desk and stepping closer, clearing the distance between you. “Nothing is over.”

“And - what? - you think you can buy me now? You think you can just throw a two-hundred dollar tip at me and I’ll fall into bed with you?” You didn’t even try to hold back the anger and the hurt. “Does it make you feel powerful, dragging the poor little bike messenger across town to your big fancy office? Is the money because you want to fuck me or is that supposed to be payment for the other night?”

“That’s not - I didn’t mean to make you feel that way,” the hint of regret in his voice earned him no mercy from you, “I just wanted to see you, the money was so you couldn’t refuse.”

“I don’t want your money, Billy. And, for the record, when a woman sneaks out on you before you wake up, it’s because she’s done with you and doesn’t want to see you again.” You hadn’t come here with the intention of being needlessly cruel, but you needed to make Billy understand that things between you were finished. “When you care about someone you don’t go out of your way to make them feel cheap - Oh, wait, that’s right, you’re not capable of caring about anyone, are you?”

There was a flicker of hurt on his face but he was quick to recover.

“How long was it?” He asked. “How long had you gone without being fucked before me? Years, I’m guessing. You think you can go back to that after a night in my bed?”

“Who says I’m going back to that?” You answered back, and Billy didn’t like it one bit.

“You think you’re gonna find anyone who can make you feel the way I did?” Billy gave a huff of laughter, shaking his head. Some part of you knew he was right, that nothing would ever be like the night you shared, but you were angry and you weren’t going to let him win.

“Guess I’ll just have to find out,” you shrugged and his gaze darkened. “I suggest you do the same, Billy.”

“You think I haven’t tried?” He admitted angrily, and you felt like you’d just been punched in the stomach.

“What?” Rage and pain coiled inside you. Less than a week and he’d already tried to replace you. How long had it taken to fall into bed with the next one? You hated yourself for even daring to wonder. You wanted this, you wanted him to move on, but you never expected it to hurt so much. “So you dragged me here to tell me how much you want me after you’ve been fucking other women?”

“I didn’t fuck anyone. I couldn’t because of you,” and you could see just how angry that made him. “D’you think I want to feel like this? That I want to be stuck on the one woman in New York who doesn’t want me? Who doesn’t even want to use me? Have you got any idea how fucked up and broken you make me feel?”

There was a painful honesty in his words, something that he clearly saw as a weakness that needed to be overcome.

“You want to talk about feeling fucked up and broken, Billy? I told you from the start that I couldn’t do this, but you pushed and pushed until you got your way.” Your voice broke, betraying your pain, eyes desperately blinking as you tried to fight back tears. “You turned my whole fucking life upside down and now - now you’re telling me you only want me because you can’t fuck anyone else?”

Something in him seemed to break in that moment and whatever anger he’d been feeling washed away. He reached for you, fingers ghosting your cheek before you pulled away.

“Let me -”

“No, Billy. This has to stop, you have to let me move on.”

“No.”

“It’s not your choice to make.”

He took a breath and, for a second, he looked like he was going to relent. But, of course, he didn’t.

“So, that’s it? You’re gonna go fuck some random guy just to try and prove to yourself that you don’t want me as much as I want you?” His sharp tone was quick to return. “You’re gonna let some guy use you just to make a point?”

“If that’s what it takes, I -”

“Bullshit,” he shook his head, “we both know that’s not gonna happen.”

Were you really that predictable, that easy to read? Probably. He’d seen you panic, afterall. No. No. Billy-fucking-Russo didn’t get to dictate what you did or how you felt. You weren’t going to give him that power over you. No one got to have that power over you. Never Again.

Anger had you reaching out, slapping him before shoving him backwards, knocking him off balance. And, after that first stumble, you found yourself lashing out again and again, pushing Billy back across his office, and you didn’t stop until he made you. He took hold of your wrists, stopping you from pushing again.

“Fuck you!” You all but snarled at him as you struggled against his grip.

“That’s exactly what I’m asking you to do, sweetheart,” he answered back, tone matching yours.

“I’ll fuck whoever I want, Billy, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

He gave a sharp tug on your wrists, pulling your body against his.

“I told you before; you’ve got no idea what I’m capable of. I won’t let you” He was right, you didn’t, but you found yourself remembering what Krista told you, that he was dangerous. And you started to think that maybe she was right afterall.

“You can’t stop me.” All the while, trying to pull yourself from his grip.

“Yes I can. You’re mine and I don’t let anyone touch what’s mine, sweetheart.”

“I’m not yours,” and that was when the panic started to set it. You thrashed against his hold on you, lashing out and trying to knee him in the balls. He angled himself away from you, twisting your arms and managing to turn you so your back was pressed against him.

All you could think was that he’d never let you go, that this would be your life now, completely at his mercy. You’d have to leave New York to get away from him, you’d have to uproot your whole life again. He held tight, even as your feet lifted off the ground, kicking out as you struggled, desperate to get away from him.

“Let go!” The tears that you’d been trying to hold back soon started to fall.

“Not until you calm down,” you hated the concern in his voice - he didn’t get to worry about you, not when he was doing this. “You’re gonna hurt yourself.”

“You’re hurting me!” You cried out in a strangled sob.

Billy let go of you suddenly and pulled away from you, realising that he’d fucked up. You took a few steps forward before you dared to turn back to him, and he looked broken, devastated by what he’d done. When you said he was hurting you, you meant in general, you meant the ache he caused in your chest, but Billy was looking at you terrified, like he’d done even more than that. For reasons you didn’t understand, it made your heart ache to see him like that.

“I didn’t -” he tried but there weren’t any words. Billy knew that he’d crossed a line, that he’d really fucked up. “I wasn’t trying to -”

“Just - just stop,” you finally managed, a hand clumsily trying to wipe away your tears.

“I can’t,” barely able to bring himself to look at you, “I don’t know what I did wrong. What was so bad that you can’t even bear to see me again? I don’t know how I fucked this up, you just left me and I don’t know why...”

“I -”

You hated that he was right, that you hadn’t even tried to see any of this from his point of view. This all could have been avoided if you’d done things a little differently; all the times you chose not to remind him it was just for a night, the way you’d slipped out without saying goodbye. How had he felt waking up to find you gone after the amazing night you’d shared? You hadn’t thought about it. Leaving him had been hard enough but, after everything, the least you could have done was leave a note.

What had been on his mind that night when he fell asleep wrapped around you? Had he dared to hope that he could convince you to stay? 

“What did I do?” He asked again. 

Nothing. Your night together had been perfect and it had meant so much to you.

“I thought you had a good time with me.”

“I did, but it was one night, Billy. I left because it was over.” You wanted to at least give him that, to let him know that it wasn’t him.

“It’s not over, not for me.” He dared to take a step forward, and you took a step back. The pain on his face was unbearable and it felt like everything you said only made it worse.

“It’s not a discussion, Billy. I told you this couldn’t go anywhere.” You took a few more steps, not stopping until you were by the door. “Don’t do this again. Just leave me alone. I’m not going to change my mind.”

“Yes you will.” Spoken like there wasn’t a single doubt in his mind.

“Goodbye, Billy.” You shook your head as you pulled the door open, not daring to look back, not daring to say anything else; you needed it to be over, you needed to get away from him. Thankfully, he let you leave without any fuss. But, as you made your way to the elevator and out of the Anvil building, his words kept replaying in your mind, and the more you thought about it, the angrier you got; the fact that he’d tried to move on so quickly while he thought you’d be stuck on him forever, the way he’d dared call you his when he didn’t even know you.

You finally managed to choke back your tears in the elevators and, by the time you were outside, you had your phone in your hand, texting Tammy - she’d mentioned a Halloween night out with some of Anvil’s new recruits and, suddenly, you were very interested in a night on the town. You were going to go out and you were going to prove Billy wrong.

But, you didn’t have anything to wear and that meant borrowing one of Tammy’s old Halloween outfits, all of which came with the prefix sexy. Of course you very quickly ruled out sexy nun, sexy nurse and sexy cop. And that left you with a sexy catwoman costume, consisting of a faux-leather bodysuit, cut a little low at the front, but it had long sleeves and came with a mask, so you could at least hide just how embarrassed you were. You managed to cover yourself up a little more with fishnet tights, a pair of knee high boots and a leather jacket.

At the start of the night Tammy was full of questions, wanting to know what had happened with you and Billy, and if it was going to affect her position at Anvil in any way. She knew that you’d spent the night with him, but that you’d snuck back into the apartment before six am. But, fortunately for you, once other people started showing up at the bar she lost interest in you. 

You started out in a little bar, drinking vodka and Redbull, and shots of tequila every time one was placed in front of you. Over a dozen people turned up, mostly Anvil trainee’s but a few of the office staff who worked with Tammy too. Including Michelle. But, aside from throwing you a shitty look, she stayed away, too distracted by the attention she was getting for her costume; a strapless white bodysuit, shirt cuffs, and bunny ears. It wasn’t long before the phones started coming out and people started taking pictures. You stayed in the background, enjoying your drink until it was time to move on to the club.

Before leaving the bar, you decided to dip into the bathroom, needing a moment to think about what you really wanted. Part of you just wanted to go home; you didn’t want to hook up with some random guy just to prove a point, but what other choice did you have? How else could you get Billy to finally let you go?

“I can’t believe Billy took her to the gala and not you,” the voice sounded vaguely familiar, one of Tammy’s friends. You froze, knowing that they were talking about you.

“He probably just wanted an easy lay,” Michelle. You held your breath, not even daring to move, even though some part of you wanted to storm out of the cubical and confront her. “But, tonight’s the night, I’m going to show Billy Russo just what he’s been missing out on.”

“He’s coming to the club?”

Fuck. 

“Look what I sent him,” you heard shuffling and remained completely silent, trying to figure out what was going on.

“Oh my God, you sent him a thirst trap and he fell for it.” They both laughed, finishing up whatever they’d been doing at the sink, their voices getting further away as they finally left the bathroom.

You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry - after everything he’d told you, all it had taken was a picture of Michelle to have him moving on. Was he doing it to hurt you, you wondered. He knew how it had made you feel seeing him with her in your apartment. But, that was ridiculous. Billy didn’t even know that you were there. And you realised you could turn that to your advantage; if he saw you leave with another man, he’d have to admit that it was over between you...

CHAPTER EIGHT

END NOTES : With this one being a Halloween chapter, I decided to post it a little earlier than usual and will probably post the next part within the next week before we get too close to Christmas (and also because then hopefully the chapters that are set at Christmas will be posted at an appropriate time). Also I'm sorry everyone was so shitty to reader this chapter.

Thanks for reading!!

TAG LIST

@lincerad @sweetserendipity65 @rafaelakelley @slayerofthevampire @rensolodriver @lovelydoveval @doloreschanal @uncontainedsmiles @damagelove

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

Hi!

Alec breaking out "becoming the Consul" news to Magnus and Magnus's reaction to it. Also, some flirting and fluff surrounding it.

The first official task Alec fulfils as the new Consul of the Clave- In Exile is to ensure that everyone finds a place to sleep for the night.

Their world is currently burning, and tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that is going to be another crisis in itself.

But for now, they all need to rest.

Some of them shift into the New York Institute temporarily. Some shadowhunters have families across the world so they go there. Clary opens up a few portals for the ones remaining to move to other institutes.

So many of them are still left adrift and Clary alone cannot open this many portals. Alec sees the worry and exhaustion on her face and decides that this is it. They would need a few warlocks to get this process done.

But they don’t have anyone right now. What happened in Alicante, is still between the shadowhunters. The rest of the shadow world does not know yet.

Alec has decided that tomorrow morning, they will announce it to the world. And then the rest of the Downworld can decide which Clave they want to be a part of.

He knows, with a guarantee that would stand with him. The downworlders have decided not to be part of the council meeting because of the registry.

It’s not a question of who they will choose. But albeit, everything needs to be official.

As they wind down, even amidst the chaos, Alec had requested his siblings and friends to not inform Magnus about it.

Alec wants to be the one to tell him. He’s dying to witness the look on his face.

Izzy had whined because she already had a party planned at his loft. But she’d understood.

From tomorrow onwards, Alexander Gideon Lightwood will belong to the world.

Tonight, he just wants to be Magnus’s.

“Clary, you okay?” He asks her softly.

She smiles at him. “I am, boss man.”

He blushes, “Shut up.”

Clary peers at him and he sighs because he knows that she knows that he wants to ask something from her.

“What do you want?”

“A portal.”

“To the loft?”

He shakes his head. “No. Paris.”

Clary raises an eyebrow, “Why?”

“Can’t tell you.”

Her face changes, and a grin appears on it. In moments like this, he loves her like anything. She reminds him of his siblings. Of people he’d sworn to protect.

And people who annoy him more than anything.

“If you want a portal, you need to spill.”

“I hate you.”

“I’ll live,” she grins.

“Fine,” he accepts defeat because he needs that portal right now. He shifts closer to her and tells her everything. He’d assumed she would act cocky, but a gentle and soft smile appears on her face.

“You two deserve this,” she breathes and opens up a portal for him.

“Thank you,” he kisses her head and enters through the portal.

“Alec!!” She says loudly as he’s about to leave.

“Yeah?”

“Get that dick.”

Alec rolls his eyes and turns back.

He’s at Parc des Buttes-Chaumont, a small park situated in North-Eastern Paris.

They came here for an evening stroll last year. There’s no specific reason Alec chose this place. Just that it was in Paris.

There’s a whoosh behind him and he turns, and Magnus enters through a portal.

“Alexander?”

As easy as breathing, not even voluntarily, his face breaks into a smile as his eyes land on the man.

“Hi, baby.”

Magnus closes the distance and stands infront of him.

“Everything okay?” He asks. “Why did you call me here? Not that I mind a late-night picnic here. But how did the meeting go? You told me you will tell me all about it when you come home.”

Before he tells Magnus all of it, he needs something else. Alec throws his arms around Magnus’s neck and breathes him in.

The image of Cohort children with swords in their hands still haunt him. It’s been a terrible, terrible day and Alec needs to just feel Magnus for a few minutes.

“Sweetheart?” Magnus speaks softly against his neck but he wraps his arms around his back and pulls him closer.

Alec relaxes against his body and revels in the comfort.

The world might be going to shit but Alec’s world stands as perfect as always.

They pull back a few moments later and Magnus cups his cheeks. “Hi, my love.”

He smiles back. “Hey.”

“Is everything alright?” Magnus asks, raising his hand and brushing Alec’s hair with gentle fingers. “I can’t imagine everything went well today.”

“It didn’t.”

“How did it go?”

“You want the long version or the short version?”

Magnus replies sufferingly, “I cannot pretend to care about Clave politics so the short version.”

Alec chuckles softly, “The Clave broke-up.”

Magnus raises an eyebrow, “Broke up?”

“Yep.”

“Like the Backstreet Boys?”

He chuckles before nodding. “Sort of?”

“Explain.”

“You said you wanted the short version,” Alec replies, entwining his fingers with Magnus as they start walking next to each other.

“About boring political stuff. Not the clave breaking up,” Magnus yelps.

He briefs Magnus about what the Cohort, led by Zara Dearborn did.

“That’s awful,” Magnus’s voice sobers up and be clenches Alec’s hand in support.

“Hmmmm.”

“So half of the Clave is in-exile here. And the other half is there.”

“Yeah.”

“And there are two Consuls. And two governments ruling the shadowhunter now.”

He nods his head.

Magnus sighs dramatically, “So, twice the drama? The world has to deal with two Consuls now?”

A huge grin appears on his face, then. “Well, you would only have to deal with one. The exiled one.”

“Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t want to side with the Clave in Idris,” Magnus challenges.

Alec raises an eyebrow.

“Okay, fine. I would bleach my hair blonde before doing that.”

Alec pictures Magnus as a blonde and he wants to tell him that Magnus could pull off even that.

“So, tell me. Which new oppressive tyrant am I going to be dealing with for the next few years.”

“Oppressive tyrant?” Alec says with a mischievous smile on his face.

“Well, Jiya was fine and it was not unbearable to work with her. But you never know with shadowhunter,” Magnus says. He turns towards Alec and then adds, “Present company excluded.”

“It’s someone you know.”

“I know a lot of people,” Magnus says offhandedly.

“Someone you know very intimately,” he teases.

Magnus pauses. “Why does this feel like a trick question?”

It’s a new moon night so there’s absolute darkness everywhere. But standing next to Magnus, there’s always so much light.

Magnus twirls him around easily and Alec’s body moves into a circle as he giggles.

He can’t contain his happiness.

“It might be a trick question.”

“I knew it.”

“So, who is it?”

Before Alec tells him, he wants to tell him something else.

“You know it was here, in Paris, when I realised that we need to change the Clave.”

Magnus furrows his brows.

Alec shakes his head and fond memories flood his brain. “I was with Helen and Aline. During your whole cult fiasco.”

“Not my cult.”

“Sure.”

“Mean.”

“Anyways,” Alec breathes. “I realised then that the Clave needed to be changed from within. And then we couldn’t wait for someone else. It was us who was going to fix it.”

Magnus brings his arms around his waist and kisses his mouth softly. “And you are doing that. With the Alliance. And everything you do. And I am incredibly proud of you.”

A huge blush appears on his face. He cups Magnus’s cheek and sighs, “So much of it was because of you.”

“You could have done all of that without me,” Magnus assures.

The thing is that; maybe Alec would have. Maybe he would have been the man he was even without Magnus.

He’s just glad he doesn’t have to.

“I did it for everyone,” he exhales. “But especially for you.”

Magnus narrows his eyes at him. “What’s got you in this mood?”

Alec smiles. “I know your history with the clave and the consuls has not been easy. I just hope you have a good one with the new consul.”

“Can’t promise. Which brings me to my question again?,” Magnus asks. “Who is this new guy?”

He pulls back a little and lets out his hand. “Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, I wanted to introduce myself.”

A confused smile appears on Magnus’s face, knowing Alec is gearing up for theatrics.

“Please do, shadowhunter,” Magnus smirks. “Who are you and how do you know me?”

“Everyone knows you,” Alec replies before a confident smile appears on his face. “I’m Alexander Gideon Lightwood, new Consul of the Clave in-exile.”

Magnus pauses as the confusion on his face grows before it breaks into a huge wonder.

“Are you—“

“Yes,” he nods his head frantically.

“You’re the Consul.”

“I am,” he giggles.

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood,” Magnus shrieks as he pulls Alec’s body against his. “You brat.”

He throws his head back in laughter as Magnus kisses his face. Over and over and over again.

“I am so proud of you,” Magnus breathes a few minutes later, when they’re done dancing and kissing. “There is no else better suited for this.”

“I love you.”

Alec already has plans for a hundred new laws. He’s not naive enough to believe that all of them will see the light of the day. But there is one, that Alec would lay down his entire life for.

He’ll tell Magnus about it tomorrow.

“I love you, too,” Magnus kisses him but they’re both smiling so hard that it’s a little difficult to be able to kiss.

“I can’t wait to tell the kids.”

“They will be so happy.”

“They don’t even understand what it means,” Alec chuckles.

“And yet, they will be happy.”

“I am happy.”

“You are?” Magnus raises an eyebrow, still smiling, still wrapped up around Alec.

“Very much so.”

“I like you happy,” his boyfriend, and if he’s able to do what he wants to do tomorrow, his future husband replies and Alec closes the distance between the two.

Alexander Gideon Lightwood, Consul of the Clave sounds nice.

But Alexander Gideon Lightwood-Bane sounds better.

[evaglass]

Speculation about Mizu's parents pt. 6

Mizu has already killed one of the first white men, Violet. Fowler isn't going to last too long once there's no use for him, and assuming both Routley and Skeffington are in the British Isles, because I doubt the show will have Mizu relocate again farther from Japan to find her target, Mizu will most likely kill them three in season 2, and that seems a bit too easy.

Having her kill all the four white men by season 2 seems too quick, especially since the people behind the show want four seasons. It's too quick, unless there's a plot twist, like none of the four men being her father and none of them putting the bounty on her.

Don't get me wrong, they probably were involved in Mizu's mother getting killed. Remember the bird Mizu had to kill when on the mission Madame Kaji requested?

A bird flies from its nest for two reasons if a person is near, one reason is to fly away from danger. The other reason is that if the bird has eggs or hatchlings, it will try to defend its nest, like how the bird in that scene tried to do.

Look at the way the dead bird was laid out, the four white eggs that are there, almost like they're looking at the dead mother bird.

It looks like these two scenes I brought up before.

Mizu finding out her mother was the European one instead of her father will not make her happy; it will fill her with a lot of complicated feelings, especially anger, and she might even hate her mother. The worst part about it is that her mother is likely dead, and she can't enact her vengance on her mother if she's already dead. She will believe it was all for nothing.

I do think she will probably eventually find self-acceptances, especially if she finds out her mother really did love her and died protecting her. Maybe she'll even find an old diary of her deceased mother describing how much she loves her.

The revelation will probably lead to Mizu wondering who actually put the bounty on her, which will lead her back to Japan seeking answers, which will set up Lady Itoh as the final antagonist.

I already can tell Akemi is gonna have conflict with Lady Itoh, especially if Akemi and Takayoshi start developing actual romantic feelings for each other because that would make Lady Itoh lose more control over him. I highly suspect Lady Itoh is behind the death of Takayoshi's first wife, so that puts Akemi in potential danger, and Lady Itoh has no problem trying to put Akemi down with what she pulled in the dinner scene. I think the common enemy of Lady Itoh will have Akemi and Mizu ally with each other

Going back to this scene, I think there's more potential foreshadowing to explore here. I think the man who tried to kill baby Mizu was voiced by the same man who also voices the older son, Kazuyoshi, while the man who stopped him was voiced by the same guy who also voices Takayoshi. I think this will foreshadow what choices Kazuyoshi and Takayoshi will make in the future.

Look at this scene that's in the POV of Kazuyoshi before he does what his mother tells him to do, which is to lock in the Lords to die because they saw his father's shame. Look at how his mother is in front, then Takayoshi, and then Kazuyoshi's own wife is way in the back.

This may show that Kazuyoshi puts his mother first, then his brother, and then his wife last. I think both Kazuyoshi and Takayoshi will have a choice: they will either have to choose their mother or their wives, and by extent, their possible half-sister Mizu.

Kazuyoshi will choose his mother, while Takayoshi will choose Akemi and Mizu.

The show has subtle moments of sibling tension and/or drama; Akemi and her younger half-brother show the different societal expectations set for them, Fowler's backstory with his dead sister who's kidneys he had to eat to survive, the two men in the beginning of episode three could have easily been brothers, the subtle hints that Kazuyoshi and Takayoshi could end up on opposite sides later in the show, and I also possibly believe that Mizu's mother may have been one of the four white mens' sister, mostly leaning towards Routley because of the "pretty eyes" comment from Fowler.

It could be possible that Routley brought his sister with him to Japan. I can assume that Violet was the oldest of the four men, and they all came from broken backgrounds like Fowler before Violet took them under his wing. It's probably why Fowler looked so upset when he realized Mizu was the one who killed Violet. Routley could have easily been an orphan with his sister before meeting Violet and working with him.

This would mean that Routley probably agreed to betray Mizu's mother in order to keep the deal with the shogunate intact, and oh man, I love sibling angst and betrayal. It's probably why Fowler thinks he's worse in his opinion.

Now there's one more film I want to talk about. It was cited that there were a good number of films that influenced the show, the main two being Yentl and Kill Bill, another I stated earlier was also Lady Snowblood.

Now I can't find any source to claim that the film I'm about to bring up also influenced Blue Eye Samurai, but it could be possible that it did, because like Kill Bill I heard it was also inspired by Lady Snowblood

I'm talking about the South Korean film Sympathy For Lady Vengeance.

I've also seen this film. It's about a woman named Lee Geum-ja who gets pregnant in her teens and decides to run away from home and stay with a former teacher of hers who used to make really inappropriate comments about her (she was a scared pregnant teen who wasn't thinking straight, and probably thought if she came home to tell her parents she's pregnant they would have kicked her out).

Obviously, it goes south pretty quickly. The man is still a teacher, and one day, he decides to murder a boy from another class. The teacher makes Geum-ja take the fall for him due to him threatening her baby's life. She falsely confesses to the murders and spends 13 years in prison, planning her revenge against the teacher for when she is released from prison.

When she is released, Geum-ja puts her plan in motion and also finds out her daughter was adopted by a couple in Australia and was named Jenny. She goes to Australia to meet her daughter, in which her daughter threatens to stab herself with a knife if she doesn't let her visit Korea.

Geum-ja loves her daughter, but Jenny is mad at her for giving her up (she's a 13 year old kid) she expresses that in a letter, which Geum-ja reads after getting it translated and then takes Jenny to where teacher is being held by her and makes him translate her speech to her in English

The reason I bring up this is not only because of influences from Lady Snowblood from what I heard, but also the themes involving mother-daughter relationships

The complexity, tragedy, sacrifice, anger, hate, sadness, and love can all align pretty well with Mizu and her mother. Mizu will no doubt have complex feelings about her mother, especially if she was the European one, but I think under the circumstances, I've brought up Mizu's quest for vengance will shift to making her potential white father pay for her existence to avenging her mother.

One more thing before I finally finish this. I want to briefly talk about the theory that Lady Itoh could be Mizu's mother or her maternal aunt. I can see where it's coming from, and it is possible, but I can also see it being a red herring

Yes, both Lady Itoh and Mizu have smaller faces, but Lady Itoh's features are still round and soft while Mizu's are angular and sharp; Lady Itoh's face is more oval shaped while Mizu's is more shaped like a diamond. Even up close, their noses look a bit different as well.

I also think that if any of the four white men actually impregnated and killed a Japanese noble woman when they first got to Japan, they would have lost the trading deal. Yeah, Fowler killed the Shogun, but that was after 10 years of building up an army. Plus pretty poetic that they're reminded of the woman they betrayed through her daughter's eyes.

But I'm open to being wrong. Anyway, I'm sorry this was long but now I'm done. Let me know what you guys think, I'm totally open for discussion

Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/Part 4/Part 5/Part 6

[rie-092]

Hi! Can I request the Duke of the North Phileo Boleoti with darling that is stronger than him?

WINNING

❲ yandere! phileo boleoti x fem! reader ❳

summary : phileo helped you get away from the engagement that you never wanted.

tw : yandere behaviour, misogyny, mentions of blood, mentions of torture, violence, mentions of poisoning.

being stronger than the famous duke of the boleoti dukedom is... kinda exhausting. let's be honest here, the boleoti family was unstoppable and considered the most powerful family in the empire. but you? you're just an (according to everyone) mere lady from a wealthy county. that's why no one expected you to become a war hero and defeated an entire army by yourself.

and everyone who knows about your strength was planning to use you against the boleoti family. even the imperial family themselves was planning to make you a perfect soldier to kill duke phileo. but there was one thing that everyone doesn't know. and that is you and phileo were good friends. the two of you were stuck with each other ever since you were a child. you and phileo were close to the point that you can barge onto his estate on the boleoti territory unannounced.

but how does the nobility who were planning to pull you on their side doesn't know about your relationship with phileo? easy, because whenever you visit phileo you are always wearing disguise magic.

and even though phileo acts as if he hates it whenever you visited him. deep inside, he was happy. after all, even though he is a softie around you, he rather die than show you his feelings. in short, he is a tsundere and ahem... a little bit, yeah, you already know it.

anyways, the first time you met leonia was when you visited their mansion. leonia was in the greenhouse, playing with the maids when she accidentally bumped into you. causing the hood of your cloak that had been hiding your face to fall of. and leonia was captivated by your beauty. her usual confident and sassy personality was nowhere to be seen. it was as if she became a seven-year-old kid when she saw you.

let's go back to you. who was confused after seeing leonia. black hair and black eyes. you suddenly remembered the reason why you're here and the contents of your friend's letter. when you connected the puzzle, you gasped. you smiled at leonia as you crouched down and greeted her. and leonia, unlike her usual self was shy after you smiled at her. she suddenly became restless. but how could she not when she saw a woman whose beauty was on par with the female lead?!

after getting to know each other. you took leonia with you to phileo's office. and there, you saw your friend casually sitting on his table with two cups of (favorite tea) and a plate of (favorite dessert) placed in the usual spot where you usually sit and watch him while doing his work.

you greeted each other and he was quite surprised when he saw you entered his office with leonia. while leonia gave her father a sly grin after she notice the unusual expression on his face.

and when phileo suddenly called you 'general (y/n)'. that was the time when leonia remembered your character in the novel. she was caught off guard when she met you earlier so she had forgotten about the novel for a moment. so you were that (y/n)! the character in the novel who was famous for being much stronger than phileo and... also his first love.

and of course, just like the usual second female leads in every novel. you and phileo didn't end up with each other. instead, you became the bridge between for him and the female lead. because... general (y/n) (l/n) got married and got killed by her husband and her in-laws a few months after their wedding. how did they kill you? of course, even though you were the strongest. you still have your weakness which is your powers going out of control. and your powers became like that after your husband and his family mixed the poison that they got from the imperial family in your food. and instead of choosing to unleash your power who's getting out of control so you'll be able to live. you just accepted your faith and died.

leonia remembered an extra chapter in the novel that was gruesome. it was the chapter where phileo personally tortured the people who killed you after he heard about the news of your death. he tortured them slowly... and he made sure to make them feel the excruciating pain that will make them wish that they were dead. she could still remember a quote from that chapter that made her feel... as if something was odd with phileo's character.

“ .... seeing this place covered with your filthy blood was quite fun.”

when leonia looked at you and phileo who were casually talking to each other. for a moment, she saw a glint of possessiveness in phileo's eyes while looking at you.

after discussing about some important matters. you and phileo were now doing what you always do whenever you visit him. and that is... sparring! and for some odd reasons, after you took off your cloak. leonia started to compliment your muscles. but you didn't pay any attention to it since according to you, leonia is a kid.

and the time that you and her father attacked each other. leonia's eyes widened. she knows that the most powerful ability that exists in this empire was 'the beast fangs'. yet, now in front of her. she is seeing an ability that was on par, no, stronger than the beast's fangs.

and just like usual, you won. after chatting with the father-daughter duo you decided to go home to prepare yourself for your engagement party. you planned to tell phileo about this yet you couldn't. the atmosphere around him changed after you saw him last time. and you don't want to destroy it. besides, you can just ask carnis to tell phileo about your engagement anyways.

but little did you know, there was a little girl who was currently telling her father about your engagement party. and the two of them started to plan on how they gonna destroy that engagement party of yours.

move on to the day of the party. everything is perfect. your brother, the current head of your family made sure of it. and you can see that he was really worried about you. but who won't? when the reason why you were getting engaged was that the emperor threatened you that he will kill your brother if you don't?

you were aware that they want to keep you in check. but for the first time, the strongest person in the empire felt weak and helpless. you tried to ask your soon-to-be fiancé to cancel this engagement party. but do you know what he said to you?

“ shut up and act like a proper lady. you should be thankful that i agreed with the emperor's request. i mean, who would want to date a barbaric woman like you? ”

every time you remember that you just want to grab his head and slam him on the ground. the audacity! he will be dead a long time ago if it isn't for your brother stopping you.

preventing yourself from killing the man next to you. you looked around the venue and your eyes widened when you saw phileo standing next to carnis. the pair of dark eyes looking at you. you averted your gaze as you looked at carnis who shrugged and smiled sweetly at you.

you internally cursed him but you suddenly realized something. your lips twisted into a smile as you asked your 'fiancee' if he will agree to break the engagement if you find a man who'll accept you. he confidently said yes knowing that you couldn't find a man who will accept a woman who can kill her husband while sleeping.

but what you did next surprised him and the people inside the venue. even carnis and phileo themselves were surprised. who will not? when you suddenly walked towards phileo and suddenly kissed him. take note it wasn't just a simple kiss but a passionate one.

phileo wanted to laugh knowing the reason why you kissed him. but, this time he'll gonna help you. he snaked his arms around your waist as he pulled you into him as he deepened the kiss. he then looked at your fiancee whose face was red because of anger.

let's just say after that event. the two of you become the hottest topic in the empire. everyone knows the story about how you confidently broke her engagement for the sake of your true love which is the duke boleoti.

while you after apologizing to phileo many times. got an offer from phileo that he will help you to make the emperor forcing you to get married stop by getting engaged to him. you tried to reject him first but when he said that he'll going to agree with your conditions. you immediately agreed.

while leonia was happy that she was able to prevent you from dying. phileo was also happy but for another reason. he was happy that finally, he was able to tie you to him. sure, it was only a contractual agreement. but you don't have to worry, this guy will make sure that you won't be able to leave him and leonia.

even if he had to use his money and influence. you might be stronger than him but he was a lot smarter than you. he can just use his mind and manipulate you, no?

“it looks like i won this time, (nickname). ”

[hercanonloveinterest]

“All I can really tell myself is that at least I’m not hurting anyone, as long as she never finds out. Which she never will. I’m careful. I have to be careful, to protect my lovely girl’s peace of mind from a creep like me.”

Summary: The internal monologue of a surprisingly self-aware stalker. But will that self-awareness be enough to save the object of their obsession?

Contains: cyberstalking, traditional stalking, obsessive thoughts, vague references to depression, discussion of/credible threat of kidnapping (no violence occurs). 

Dipping my toe into sharing my original fiction. I do love a good guilt-ridden yandere. 

She never looks around much when she’s walking to work. Probably because she’s too busy walking with a swagger, practically sauntering to the music playing through her earbuds. I’m too far back to hear, but I know she must have it blasting at full volume. She always does. When it’s raining and her roommate drives her to work, she has the radio up loud enough to shake the car windows. My girl–no, the girl, she’s not mine, keep it together–doesn’t do many things in silence. God, I love her for it. 

But anyway. It’s a ritual: the most beautiful girl in the world leaves her apartment to go to work every afternoon at 2:45. I was never very punctual before I knew her, but somehow time doesn’t slip by in a haze anymore the way it used to. Each day is a discrete and individual thing to me now, because each day Kiara Martell leaves her apartment at 2:45 and walks to work. 

And, yes, I follow her. At a discreet distance. I know it’s creepy. I know it’s wrong and disrespectful and would probably scare her if she ever found out. I know all of that, and I do it anyway. I can’t justify it, and I won’t try. Being honest with myself is kind of the only principle I have left. 

All I can really tell myself is that at least I’m not hurting anyone, as long as she never finds out. Which she never will. I’m careful. I have to be careful, to protect my lovely girl’s peace of mind from a creep like me. 

Today she’s walking with a slow, easy stride that I’ll admit drives me crazy. I pull out my phone, check the app: her phone is playing that old blues band again, the one she loves so much. No wonder she’s smiling like that, no wonder she’s tapping her left hand against her thigh as she walks. 

Her nails match her bright yellow tank top. She’s adorable. 

It’s a hot day today, and sweat glistens on her bare shoulder blades. It’s incredibly attractive, but also, is my girl wearing sunscreen? Should she be wearing a cover-up or something? One of those silky little vintage shawls she likes? I know she doesn’t wear sunscreen very often, the bottle has been lying in the exact same position on her dresser for weeks. 

Do you see why I have to do this? No, not have to. I can’t ever let myself think that way. But do you see why I choose to do this? Why I return to the shadowy area in the corner of her apartment building’s parking lot like a sucker or a stalker, every day, by 2:40 at the latest? 

Every detail of Kiara Martell’s life fascinates me. She is beautiful, but it isn’t just that. I know almost every detail of her life by now, and everything I learn just attracts me more. Her silly habits, her favorite shows, her messy bedroom but meticulously-organized music library, the way she hates her job but always greets her coworkers with a smile anyway… She’s just wonderful. She’s just perfect. That’s why I have to follow her like this, why I have to track her phone and read her texts with a keylogger and break into her apartment whenever I know no one’s home and spend an hour standing in front of her closet before I can talk myself out of stealing something, have to see and touch every part of her life, I have to, I have to, because how else am I supposed to prove to myself that she’s really real?

No woman has made me feel like this before. I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much. It’s pathetic but it’s true: my life was empty before I knew her. My love for her (no, be honest: my obsession) gives me a reason to get up instead of lying in bed all day watching the ceiling fan revolve. Just by existing, she’s done so much for me. I just wish there was something, anything, I could do for her in return.

But I can’t think like that. I can’t let myself dwell on the money problems I could alleviate, or the home I could provide for her, or how I know she hates doing the dishes and I wouldn’t mind doing them every night. Because when I let myself think like that, my most dangerous fantasies start to sound way too plausible. When I let myself think about giving her anything, doing anything for her, I start thinking about how much more I could do for her if she just… came to live with me. 

It wouldn’t have to be a kidnapping. In my fantasies (most of my fantasies, at least), she comes willingly. But that’s what makes daydreaming so dangerous: it always seems to gloss over the complicated details, and my mind skips straight to the part where the most wonderful woman in the world just happens to be fine with moving in with her deranged stalker. Totally comfortable with the whole situation, in fact. Jesus fucking Christ. I should get a therapist or something. 

We’re almost there now, only two blocks away from the hotel where she works. In about five minutes, she’ll be covering up her cute, colorful clothes with the scratchy gray receptionist uniform that she always complains about in texts to her friends. I’ll sit in the cafe across the street, working or at least pretending to. And if I have to answer an email from a particularly annoying client, I’ll reward myself afterwards by letting myself watch Kiara for thirty seconds or so, while she sits at the front desk pretending not to be playing Scrabble on her phone. By now I’m very good at pretending that I’m just staring absently into space. I know sitting in plain sight by the window at the cafe is a risk, but I just can’t help myself. 

And what happens next? Well, at about 9:00, or maybe 9:05, she’ll clock out and I’ll see her leaving the building. I will make myself wait, make myself move slowly as I pack up my laptop and bus my empty coffee cup, so that she won’t see me following her in the shadows as she slowly walks home. She’ll be swinging her empty water bottle in one hand, and she’ll have earbuds in again, which is the only thing she does that genuinely pisses me off. It’s not safe! A woman walking home alone at night needs to pay attention to her surroundings. Doesn’t she know what kind of weirdos are out there, in a big city like this?

Well, I guess it’s probably better for me if she doesn’t know. But still. 

At least she isn’t ever really alone. 

You know, there’s this one part of my girl’s walk home that always drives me a little crazy. There’s a little park, with a playground and big, leafy trees, that she always cuts through to shave a few minutes off her commute. It’s fine during the day, because during the day it’s light out. There’s plenty of people there during the day, mostly cute little kids playing on the playground while their parents watch. 

But at night… at night the park is always deserted. And dark, very dark, because the city never bothered to put up safety lighting here, and those tall trees blot out even the moon. And there’s Kiara, cutting through this park every night. Alone. With her earbuds in. And it drives me crazy, because even if I would never do it, even though I could never hurt or scare her like that, not after everything she’s done for me without even knowing it, even though I don’t really mean it, even still, even still, even still, part of me always thinks: if I was going to kidnap–no, take her home with me, it would be so easy to do it right now. 

But I wouldn’t do it. Really, I wouldn’t. 

Even if I do think about it all the time now. Even if it’s harder and harder to think about anything else. 

I really should get a therapist.

[sylkiddsey]

R.

Meanwhile, he’s downstairs in the living room, sitting in uncomfortable silence with her father. Her mom decided to take her granddaughter for a walk around the neighborhood, so he’s stuck with the guy who doesn’t approve of their upcoming wedding.

Her dad’s sitting in one of the sofa chairs, flipping through the morning newspaper. Matt’s on the couch, half paying attention to the hockey game on tv. His mind is more on Sylvie and if she’s okay alone.

Her dad’s newspaper crinkles again as he turns it over. Matt can’t tell if he wants to talk or would rather read a newspaper in peace.

He should have gone on the walk with her mom. He originally didn’t want to leave the house incase Sylvie needed him, but now it seems like staying was a bad idea.

He can tell her dad blames him for this happening too. He’s her fiancé. He’s supposed to keep Sylvie safe, and he didn’t. In her dad’s eyes, he can’t trust Matt to protect his daughter.

Matt really wishes he could’ve. He hates that he wasn’t there.

He looks towards the stairs when he hears a familiar patter of sock covered feet. Sylvie tip toes down in her fluffy pajama pants and his sweatshirt.

She pads into the living room which draws her dad’s attention. He puts the newspaper down and watches in silence as she grabs one of the blankets in the basket and curls up next to Matt.

They’ve always been really good at this stuff; the unspoken intimacy. She doesn’t have to say she can’t sleep. She doesn’t have to ask him to move his arm so she can lay her head on his chest and curl up against him. He knows that’s exactly what she wants without a word.

Sylvie cuddles against him and he pulls her as close as he can. He knows she probably had a nightmare about her attacker and needs to feel safe. He knows the only thing she needs more than questions or pity is him.

He could ask if she’s okay or encourage her to talk but he knows she will when she’s ready. Sylvie has always confided in him when she needed it and until then, he’ll be patient.

Instead of talking, he presses a kiss to her hair and traces his fingers along her arm.

Sylvie let’s out a content sigh and watches the hockey game with him. He loves this part about being with her. It’s just easy; so easy that he forgets her dad is right there.

In the back of his mind, he thinks it can’t be easy for her father to watch his little girl go to someone else when she’s scared. He knows how close she is to her dad, especially as a kid. He used to be the person who repaired all the pain.

Now, she chooses him.

Someday, Julia will find a guy she really loves too and that thought physically pains him.

At some point during the game, Sylvie’s weight against him has intensified and he can tell she’s asleep. It’s good because she’s not sleeping well so any amount of rest is a good thing. She’s breathing deeply and he’s not going to get up, but he does have to move positions. His back hurts from this slanted angle. He carefully holds onto Sylvie as he shifts himself over. During the move, Sylvie doesn’t wake up, but the blanket she had pulled around her falls down her shoulders.

Sylvie’s dad folds his newspaper and then stands from the chair. He stares down at where Sylvie’s fast asleep against Matt’s side. He steps closer and gingerly pulls the blanket back up without a word.

When he looks at Matt, he nods in what Matt hopes is approval. He mouths his thanks to her father and settles into the thick couch cushion for how long Sylvie needs.

Her dad exits the living room, bringing Matt’s empty beer bottle and his bourbon glass back to the kitchen. One thing he has learned about the Brett’s is they have good manners. He hears the fridge open as her dad roots around in it.

A few seconds later, he returns with two beer bottles clutched in his hand. He passes one off to Matt.

It’s a surprising move, but he takes it with his free hand. Her dad returns to the chair and silently watches the game.

[fountainpenguin]

"It was a cup of good intentions... a tablespoon of one big mess! A dash of overreaction, and I assume you know the rest..." (x)

---

New Dog's Life chapter today! ~ 3rd Life series fan-season

Chapter 28 - “Slow Burn (Bdubs, Scar, Charlotte)”

❤️ Read on AO3

💛 Start from Chapter 1

💚 More Pixels Imperfect fics

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Scott needs medical attention. Scar and SnifferMyFeet do their best to offer it... even if it means putting one of them on the line. Meanwhile, Bdubs and Grian discuss carrots and vacation plans.

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

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BdoubleO100 - Phantom

Status: Riled up

Captain of New Star Station's phantom hybrid flock

💙  🧡  💚

"Aha!" Bdubs grabs Grian by the wrists, yanking him forward. He pulls him, twisting him through a dopey dance in the kitchen. Grian yelps, socked feet twisting and gripless, and that just makes it better. "You want to be cringe and free!"

"I could do without the cringe," he protests, flapping his wings as Bdubs spins and prances with him, "but I do wish for love."

"Well, being truly known's the same thing, isn't it?" He swings Grian around to the other side. Grian squawks, pixels thickening and flipping over in his face. Purple flecks glitter underneath. He may as well've been run through a storm drain and flushed out the other side. "Tell you what! I'll love Etho if you love Mumbo, deal? Junglemate's honor!"

"Bdubs, that's not a deal."

"'Course it's a deal! It goes both ways; that defines it. Whadaya think? You wanna seal it?"

"… Yes."

"Let's do it, then." And he laughs, 'cuz it feels so good to love. It's what captains do, you know. When all hope is lost, look to the captain. Put all your faith in 'em, even when it looks like they're steering the wrong way. Captains always guide you back towards the light. Didn't you know Minecrafters like to move in circles? It's a way of stalking prey. "Always, and 'til the end!"

Grian catches a grip on the floor. "Bdubs? Bdubs, I hate to ask, but… What was the reason? Why didn't being romantic work with Etho? I mean, what made you feel like being queerplatonic partners made sense? How did you know?"

Bdubs' tail twitches at the end. Mossy shawl is crooked now, plushy bits tucked too tight against his neck. He pulls it around again. "I think being romantic would've worked a while, but this is what felt right. Just better this way long-term. Now, enough about Etho-"

"Do you ever regret it?"

Wow. Parrot stereotypes are true, then. Once they get their talons in something, they latch on tight and don't like letting go. Of course, that's mostly when they're dead. It's not his business, but Grian's watching, and Grian's a less experienced player, and he came from another world. Bringing him into the rest of the flock and teaching him things is what a captain does. "No? I don't regret choosing Etho."

"I meant the QPR," Grian says impatiently, taking his bar stool again. "I mean, that's a big conversation to have, right? And once you say it, it's hard to walk back and change your mind. I mean, what happens if you feel ready to be romantic?"

'Ready,' huh? Geez. Tell me you really don't know what's up with me and Etho without telling me you don't know anything about us.

Mm, scattered possibilities on how to answer that one. It's like a deck of cards strewn across the table- stat poker at its worst. Bdubs gazes back with his tail gently waving.

"Is this about you?" he asks in easy deflection. Grian's wings jump. "Communication's always gonna be your best bet. I think if you wanna change up your lifestyle, you can tell your partner straight, so long as you realize they might end things with you there- You get me?" He gestures to his wrist-comm then. "I mean, Brittney and I swing different ways all the time. We just let each other know when something comes up or we wanna see someone else."

Brittney's good. Doesn't expect him home too much; she knew what she was marrying into. He was already captain of New Star by the time they woke up with shared rings.

… It's nice though, huh? For the first time, he really eases his shoulders back, no longer compensating for heavy wings. Martyn's acting captain tonight. It's not his first time, though it usually doesn't last for long.

He may have burned his wing pixels off, but other than fly, Bdubs can do whatever he wants. As far as Martyn knows, he finished the delivery route. And the fact that he didn't isn't his problem tonight. If Martyn's too busy flirting with Cleo to catch an insubordinate flockmate in the act, well, consider this a lesson learned. He still glitters with white sparks wherever his bare skin faces upwards, like on the backs of his hands.

I can do… whatever I want. Isn't that something? Under the full moon, even! Usually he'd be bare-chested by now, wrestling Martyn while a crowd looks on. If Martyn enacts a challenge, anyway. He sometimes likes to. Bdubs' fingers brush the red feather hanging at his chest. He didn't give much consideration to wearing it. He just played along. This is Yes, And? This is fun. And he's out here doing whatever he wants.

Grian looks on, curious as ever. "I mean, you want him, don't you?"

"Do I ever! And got 'im right here!" (Not here here, but you know how it is under the wing).

"Aren't you disappointed?" Grian asks, foot twisting against the bar stool's little foot rest. He slouches against the counter. Maybe birds just like to perch on things. "I mean, you can't carrot with Etho now, if you're queerplatonic."

What? "Yeah I can." And this time he's more firm about it: "Etho and I can do whatever we want. Don't look at me! It's like you and Mumbo spawning a spark together when you're not dating. Raising kids together is fine." His eye twitches even as he says it. See, that's where the problem started.

Bdubs isn't really looking to be a dad right now. Right now, the flock comes first. He's saving his energy for when he, like Impulse and Jewel, takes his beloved's kids under his wing. Well, the players and cameras synced up to those kids, anyway. Four's a lot. Two's a lot, and it prob'ly won't be much longer before they're here- They're getting big. He gets emotion bleed of 'em on the regular, when they sit themselves in Daddy's lap or hang on his shoulders to watch him play.

Raising four kids someday ('cuz who doesn't take the cameras under their wing too?) is gonna burn him out. That's when he's gonna be so weak, Martyn takes his place as flock captain. Heck, Bdubs will throw the fight if he has to. The flock comes first, and once he's got his own, his time as captain's gonna run dry. Brittney and the kids are gonna be his flock then.

That's the schism between him and Etho, see, which is none of Grian's freakin' business. But Bdubs can't see himself raising server-restricted sparks this late in life when his real, Between dimension family is gonna get a whole lot bigger in a couple hundred years. He doesn't need babies. And Etho, who huddles up alone more often than he should, wants a litter he can lick and snuggle and hold.

It didn't end their friendship. It's just dangerous to dance around. They agreed a long time ago carrots were off the table. Bdubs is pretty sure Etho's never gotten his love hearts up before, and that makes him all the more unpredictable. Too wild. Unrestrained. It's just not worth the risk, 'cuz if an accident happened, Etho would whine and plead for him to stay. Void, he loves Etho. But accidents come easy, and Joel's living proof of it- Hermes is just one example…

Bdubs does not talk to Etho about Joel. Or Cleo, for that matter. Yeah, he'll play up his role as kid in the Clocker family, but he sheds it like a snakeskin when he's not in the mood. Except for "family dinner nights," where he's expected (and MCC watch parties by extension), he doesn't roleplay Clocker stuff in Between. Not in the teasing, flowery way that Etho, Scar, and Cleo do. On-server is full of emotion bleed- Scar got it right when he picked a puppet skin this season.

But Between is where he's real, and he's not gonna waste it roleplaying as the lowest member in the pecking order. Except for when it's fun.

[Full chapter on AO3 - Links at top]

[cartoonrival]

☕️ ill humor you lets talk about hilson

the characters in house md are mostly pretty one note. like they don't have a ton going on, they're pretty easy to figure out, they might have a secret or something but once you find that out its really easy to see how it informs their decisions and behaviors. 13 is probably the best example of a character who was set up to be someone with a lot going on, and while i do obviously like her i think shes funny and i like her dynamic with house and i like how she took him to a lesbian bar because wilson paid her to make house feel better after cuddy broke up with him(i think that was the context) and i like how cagey she is. but once you find out that she's genetically predisposed to huntingtons everything she does is basically a consequence of that. chase has catholic guilt and daddy issues. cameron has a savior complex that makes her seek out broken people because the commitment of someone who could actually stay with her forever is frightening. foreman needs to be the smartest and most mature person in the room because he needs to separate himself from his criminal brother and prove that he not only deserves to be where he is but he deserves better than where he is. they're all fun as supporting characters but as individuals they don't have a ton going on that makes them super interesting in their own right for longer than one episode focused on them.

house and wilson are pretty undeniably the most actually real characters in the series. house is a caricature, sure, but his addiction and his pain avoidant behavior and his obsessiveness is played so beautifully that it suspends your disbelief that a person so simultaneously mean and successful could possibly exist. the way his obsessive nature seeps into every fucking thing he does, his work as a diagnostician, his substance abuse, his fucking relationship with wilson, gives his struggles depth. his job is framed as a secondary addiction-- he's warned against going back to it after rehab. his desperate need to avoid feeling pain, even at the expense of feeling anything at all, defines the way that he carries himself. his obsessiveness and his need to be correct and his disregard for others as individuals is why he manipulates people into staying with him more often than they ever stay with him on purpose.

i already talked about wilson in the other post about why he stays with house, but legitimately ive never seen a character like that! it's so easy to brush him off as "the nice one" and that's how everybody in the story other than house views him. but he's not!!! wilson is drawn to people who are broken, but when they don't need him to fake kindness anymore he realizes that he doesn't like who they are and they don't like who he is. wilson is a person best suited to talk only to people who are dying, which is why he's an oncologist.

hilson met in a bar when wilson threw a bottle at a mirror and shattered it, which is an action so apparently uncharacteristic but simultaneously house was lucky enough to be there are the right moment to glimpse the angry and lonely person that wilson actually is, and if house hadn't ever seen that he might not have ever known that part of wilson was there. they are the only characters who choose to hang out! who choose to be together because they just like being around each other! when house gets out of prison in s8 wilson tries to convince himself that he doesn't like house, that he doesn't need house, but he does!!!! because he's lonely and strange!!!! because no one else in the world hates apologies and kindnesses like house, and those are the two things that wilson is incapable of pulling himself out of in the company of anyone remotely normal! so wilson punches him in the fucking nose and they go out for dinner!!!!!

part of house's obsessive nature and fear of pain and self-hate means that he does everything he can to push wilson away. if he pushes wilson away on purpose, then it won't hurt when he finally reaches the last straw. plus, added benefit, wilson is terribly interesting, and its fascinating to see what he'll put up with and what will happen when he snaps. house needs to see what it would take to make wilson stop loving him, and any time he thinks he might've gotten there he feels so horrible because house would rather be dead then live in a world where wilson isn't his friend (this is paraphrased but explicitly canon), but wilson always forgives him. wilson doesn't enable house because he's too nice to stop him, he enables house because he is more like him than anyone other than house (and maybe wilson) could ever recognize. he enables him because he's in house's corner. because he loves him.

the final arc and wilson's cancer, specifically the episode where house administers his chemo, is sooooooo important because not only is house taking care of wilson in the way that wilson has been taking care of house through 1million fuckups through the whole series, including and most relevantly in the throes of addiction, but house picks up the role with such an insane tenderness that you can see him realizing that he cannot make this about him and that losing wilson is a real possibility and that if wilson doesn't die with house than he'll die alone. he gives wilson the last of his vicodin, he gives him the last of his morphine and he tells them that all the two of them will ever need is in that room. and he cradles wilson's head with one hand while wilson begs him not to take him to the hospital because dying there would be so awful because wilson would be told all the lies that he fucking hates telling. and wilson tells house that he deserves to get cancer and house doesn't say anything. its the most dire point of the series because both of them realize that dying alone and in pain is the only alternative to letting themselves be the opposite person they've been cultivating, wilson letting himself be cared for and be mean and house doing something for someone because he loves them and because he wants them to be okay

[vivihar]

aaaah i love autistic sev!!! 🩷🩷🩷 i'm on the spectrum, not an expect of course, but i think severus and tom are on the opposite end of the spectrum, like severus does understand the concept of social cues, but conforming and acting and socializing with other people is not easy for him, so he chooses not to, is just his surly self, can come off as unsettling bcs of his interests (hence: sirius saying sev knew so much curses by the age of 11 🙄), but tom is that kind of person that can blend in and is well integrated, everyone likes him, he's a model student, he's enchanting, he knows what to say to make people like him and trust him, he can conform to typical social cues, but it all takes a huge toll on him. he likes the attention and the praising but he has a limit, gets overwhelmed, hates crowds, he gets irritable, has to hold back, needs his time and solitude to recharge bcs people are so exhausting! this is a front he's putting and it's tiresome to mask yourself like 70% of the day. it's different with severus ofc. it's all different with severus. like you say, he's not pretending around severus, he feels more at ease and can speak either boldly, cruelly (about other people), or just become more affectionate! in my mind, tom repels touch. doesn't like it. his mum is the only one that can come and cup his cheeks or get cheesy with him and he won't turn from or won't make him flinch (he's a mommy's boy), and then there's only severus whose touch he actively seeks. with severus he gets all handsy, has his hands on severus' waist, on the small of his back, wraps an arm around severus' shoulder, has his arms curled around severus' waist from behind, chin resting on severus' shoulder, he can't stop touching severus! and i like to think tom and sev as childhood bffs are always hand in hand, and physical comfort is super normal between them, but it's tom who is always initiating. i think tom is the happiest internally when severus is the one to cling to him or lean into him or tug at his sleeve in silent plea for affection. ;v;

"I sometimes think every time Severus refer something about himself as ugly Tom would kiss him there and scold him for it. Even before he realizes his feelings lmao he's so stupidly in love" THAT'S SO CUTE DJFJJDJDJDJDJFJ I LOVE THEM BEING LIKE THIS BEFORE THEY EVEN REALIZE ITS LOVE. like if it's your au and sev is sad or withdrawn bcs of his father's abuse, doesn't want to play or has a visible injury, tom will remember his mum sometimes kisses the scratches or cuts he gets before healing then, then hugs him, all to make it "better", so i can see tom attempting the same with severus, and it becomes custom between them.

AND YES THATS THE THING I LOVE ABOUT LILY AND SEV BEING FRIENDS IN THIS UNIVERSE is that tom would be so fucking jealous. it would be SO easy for tom to get rid of lily, to poison severus against her, even to use his mum's same tactics and get sev to magically love him, but he's too egocentric for something like that. tom doesn't want an artificial kind of devotion for severus, he wants severus to feel the same pull and codependency naturally, so he "spares" lily (in his mind he's sparing her BDJDJSJD) if only bcs he wants severus to naturally choose him over her (he still shit talks her whenever he can), and omg they hate each other. lily and tom am have the biggest rivalry, like you know how dumbledore was the only one who didn't buy tom's "good boy" façade? i like to think lily would be perceptive like this about tom. like everything surrounding tom seemed perfect, only rumors here and there, nothing concrete, but she doesn't like him, and tom obviously hate her ofc, and just like in canon lily would sometimes try to warn severus about how tom is "odd" to her, how he gives her this off-putting vibe, and severus gets defensive. this isn't the canon universe where their opposing beliefs teared them apart, so their only differences are teenage drama. (? sev is like "oh so you can date my bully and i have to accept it and remain alone, i can't have a friend of my own", and ofc lily says she doesn't mean it like that, they argue about this more than once, lily just claiming she wants the best for severus, severus accusing her of framing tom of things he hasn't done, sev loves lily a lot, but will still lie on tom's behalf to protect his image. lily and tom will always have this strained relationship, fake smiles and once in a blue moon some thinly-veiled cutting remarks. tom gets more confident with time though. like yes lily is the childhood best friend, big deal! he's severus' highschool sweetheart and will eventually trophy-wife severus one day, no need to worry.

"I feel like he would try his best to hide things he does so it wouldn't disturb Sev but every time Sev just gets little angry and they later cuddle he feels so happy because Severus just loves him that much and he just stupid he would want to do it more so he could see Severus chose him over and over again." YESSSSS yes this is what i mean with this being a huge realization for sev but specially for tom!!!! bcs tom then realizes he can do no wrong in severus' eyes. canon tom and tom in general quickly learn that some things are deemed "wrong" by society and outwardly puts an act about being "normal", when he clearly isn't, and clearly doesn't have enough emphaty like the rest, so to know that severus will accept him?? like him???? keep loving him even if he commits a little crime here and there? it's a heady sensation for tom. like oh, to be loved. to be cherished. and yes one could say "sev just wants to be loved, it's an intrinsic need of him that's why he excuses tom's every wrongdoing", but i think he just. loves tom as well. even if he wants to have a higher moral ground, tom's crinkling, almost red eyes and smile and warmth and wit - tom's everything, he can't turn from tom. can't reject him. tom could've psychologically or physically tormented someone and then come to severus to rest his head on sev's lap, grin up at him, and sev is floored, can't reject him, he's endeared and caresses tom's hair, tom can always come back to him after whatever terrible shit. :')

ndjfjdjjdj i don't really indulge too much on the idea of revenge on the marauders bcs i feel that life and canon fucked them over enough, but if tom is sharing an universe with sev, tom WOULD be tormenting them. i feel that it's inevitable. you harass or hurt severus and become a hindrance in his mind. you're riiiight he would find the way to make sirius' experience with werewolf!remus traumatic, (again, in tom's mind, that's what you get for almost getting severus killed), he's just a little insane like that. hell i can imagine him spiking sirius' drinks with really torturous hallucinogens, the kind of potion that have you seeing terrible visions, your worst fears etc. the first time tom does this it's in the great hall, everyone are having breakfast, sirius is drinking his pumpkin juice and suddenly he stumbled back from his seat and starts screaming, yelling, kicking, people are trying to calm him down. severus looks mildly disturbed from his seat at the slytherin table, tom is just hiding a smile behind his goblet, the evil shit BDBDBJDJDJDJDJ just silly evil things (?

canon lvss is insane bcs we're talking about someone who is so so so SO evil and uncapable of loving, but it's obsessed with the idea of having enough devotion from the rest of his subjects that he gets really annoyed when betrayed, hence why he goes so harsh on lucius. then he has to kill severus but it's obvious he's reluctant and drags it and isn't there an scene before he sends lucius to go fetch severus where he tells nagini "it's the only way?" as if steeling himself for the deed? he didn't want to kill him. it's so rare how patient and remorseful he gets about the entire thing. if he's telling nagini there's no other way, it feels that not even nagini wanted to go through with it HDBDJSJDJ it's... it's insane. sadly never explored. it's obvious too that even with sev being dead, v is shaken and appalled by the idea of sev having betrayed him for real. specially by the notion of sev having loved lily when sev surely lied to him and made him believe it was a crass, "physical" thing, no deep emotions at all. sad sad, i feel that tomerus and lvss should be more popular, there's a common interests basis here that's just not present in t!marry, harry may be good and kind but the entire ordeal of being connected to v was a chore to him. i just really wish people talked about v/tom and sev more. 😔

it's so nice to read you, your ideas are just lovely jdjfjdjf thank you for sharing them, they've made me feel more bold about sharing my own fucked up musings about them. 🩷

I'm gonna freak out here for a little THE SCREAMS İ LET OUT READING THİS OMG THİS İS AGHHXKDJDKDJD perfect, amazing and *chef kiss* everything you write just made me giggle, roll around and scream till the end. Ehem ehem anyway I'm normal again.

You're so right about their different spectrum, they do have a lot of similarities but their difference is more, that's what I love about them. Their roots may be the same but everything after that differs so much it's so interesting. Tom was at an orphanage but had some kind of power over kids, he didn't get hurt by them he hurt the kids, him having some kind of authority in his territory was enough for him to be confident and grow into his manipulative, easy to blend persona. And Sev, it wasn't same for him, he got beaten by one of his parents and was ignored by the other. He grew up wanting to be invisible so he wouldn't get beaten up. And these shaped their personality for their whole life and it stayed same, they never changed.

(also Sirius saying that was always so funny to me because boy you grew up in the wizarding world and Severus knows more than you?? I think you should be ashamed lol)

Tom acting to gain power and tricking everyone but still getting irritated by it is just a perfect description of his character. Like Tom didn't have the power to do anything about it when he was young but we see how Voldemort treats his followers, if they just piss him off a little he uses crucio on them. He hates people and makes himself interact with them, Severus isn't comfortable with people and hides from them. Tom loves to show people how talented he is and trick them to praise him for it, Severus hides his talents because he's scared from what happened to him as a child, when someone praises him he just gets so overwhelmed with it. Because it's so rare for him (and Tom uses it to his advantage of course). I also think Tom enjoys playing with people so much. He hates masking himself but he finds it fun how much he could trick people with different acts.

I think the most romantic thing about them is this. Tom has a mask with everyone but when it comes to Severus he doesn't even realize his mask is long gone, his mind peaceful he doesn't calculate what to say next when they're together. He just says what he feels and that something he can't risk with any single other person. He knows how Severus is loyal when it comes to people he loves (which he's so smug about when he figured that Severus loves him lol tommy you aren't really that behind too.) so he just drops his guard around him. He wouldn't do this with other people he knows are in love with him or attracted to him because they aren't Severus. His trust in Severus isn't only because of his feelings (the one he is not aware of lol I like point out how stupid he is when it comes to his feelings) for Sev. It's because he knows Severus's personality deeply. Also he probably likes to recharge by speaking with Sev. He's like "yeah tell me everything about you learned today, dark art, potions, oh you're working on a new spell? I'm listening." He needed this after those lie and empty flatterings he made with everyone that day. Not that he would ever confess that lol. And Severus would be so eager for it. Because people never try to cross his walls and be friends with him but Tom did and Tom has a smart mind like him so they would speak for hours every time they start to talk. They just *sigh* they're soulmates your honor I do not care what anyone else says.

And I can't express how much I screamed when I read this part but you guys could try to imagine it. Oh my god I love you so much you have no idea how this made me happy 😭 I literally reread my own posts about them to see anything about my ship (pathetic lol😭) and here you write about them easily AAAAAAA ehem anyway I'm back sorry and thank you.

Mama's boy Tom is so real and another thing I love is how he has in common with Severus. (My dearest Mama's boys). And I think we're reading each other's minds, I made a post about how much Tom gets affected when Severus is the one touching him first. It's so easy for him to touch Sev, his hands are always on Severus one way but Severus doesn't dare to be the first one to start it. He's observant he knows Tom doesn't like getting touched but he doesn't realize he's an exception or he does it's just he can't accept that fact. Sometimes when he is just full of emotion by something Tom does, he would look Tom with his eyes shining, asking him for it without saying anything but Tom wouldn't touch him, he wants Sev to get used to touch him first especially if he's the one who wants it first. And Severus would do it, because he wants to satisfy Tom and he loves how much Tom becomes happy when he does it. Severus's touches would be so soft too, Tom would always feel like he's melting under those hands.

AND AAAAAAAJCMDKDJAAAAAA omg Tom kissing Severus's scars omg how could I never think about that. I'm crying *SCREAMİNGROLLİNGDYİNG* they're just so good.

Jealous Tom is my everything 😭 I love how your brain works. He would think he's the one in charge and "let them" be friends (which is... Kind of true, if he tries he could easily get rid of their friendship) and like you said he would rather Severus come to him freely but I also know that crazy boy would do something to Lily instantly if Severus comes any closer to choose her not that it would ever happen. I like Snily but if Tom was the same age as them Severus would be too intoxicated by Tom's affection to feel any romantic emotions towards Lily.

(And since Tom shit talks about anyone Severus wouldn't find anything strange about Tom talking like that about Lily too lol. He's jealous Sevvy open your eyes.)

I actually need these idiots lmao I know I would have so much fun reading Tom and Lily 'fighting' a lot for Severus and Severus is tired of their shit. I like to think Lily had feelings for Severus when they were kids. So when Tom's become Severus's friend easily at 11 Lily would be jealous and try to find problem in Tom but with time her feelings for Sev would just remain as friends and she would realize there is really a problem with Tom she just can't find any evidence for it because Tom is so good doing it secretly. And it would irritate Tom how Lily doesn't fall for his act, if she did it would just be easier to deal with her lol he would hate he doesn't have a control over Severus's life about something.

Lily getting together with James could make things complicated if she and Severus didn't fall apart like canon. Which it would make easier for Severus to defend Tom, he's a smart boy and under Tom's influence he would guilt trip Lily for it every time Lily talks bad about Tom. And Tom would be giggling in the background lmao.

At some point Lily would keep hate of Tom but Tom wouldn't care about her when he has Severus (finally) for himself. His irritation to her was just because Severus was close to her but now Severus is with him all the time or when Severus meets someone he would be at his side too so he doesn't care about her, he even sometimes forgets her existence. And trophy-wife Severus!!

I love how we think the same about their relationship lol it makes me happy because yay I'm not delusional it would actually happen.

Also what makes Severus special to Tom about accepting his "wrongdoings" is either other people would accept him because they don't have empathy to see it as wrong just like him or well they would call him he's a monster because of his acts but Severus has the empathy, he knows it's wrong and he's still in love with him, he still would touch his face softly, he still would laugh with him when he comes back killing someone. That's what is special about Severus.

I agree with you, at first he may not care about what Tom does because he wants to be loved but these things would be small problems, things like marauders would do and get away with it. But when Severus falls in love with him, just like you said, Tom could come back covered with blood and Severus would clean him because Tom asked for him. He wouldn't care about blood he couldn't keep his morals high when Tom comes to him like that stiff at the door and expecting Severus to finally snap at him for his "bad" side. And Severus would sigh and welcome him with a smile.

LoL yeah what happened marauders in Canon was enough for me but it's kind of impossible for them to not get hurt when V|Tom is involved with Severus. At this point it's Tom in my brain laughing every time he thinks new way to torture them lmao I don't even hate them I just don't care about them and suddenly they're in my brain when 'Tom' wants to do something to them. (Does that make sense 😭?)

Omg the drink is genius lmao that smart evil shit I love him. Severus would side eye him when it happens and Tom would smile showing his teeth when he sees it and say "if you're disturbed by that stupid dog we could go darling." (Btw what do you guys think Tom would use to call Severus. I need your help lol).

Btw prank would go much more different if Tom was there. He would know about it because Tom always is alert about where Severus is and when he doesn't see him in bed he would look for him, or maybe he would hear his talk with Sirius or he would see James dragging him to school and before Albus could interfere (I think Albus did some magical contract or something like that for Severus to not say anything about Remus's condition or something else who knows I don't remember if there was any information about it) Tom would ask what happened and learn about werewolf thing. He would use it wisely lol.

Also I'm still laughing at that silly 'prank' of Tom making Sirius like that lmao ahhh I really need Tom with Severus in school it would be so fun.

And yes V was talking to himself before he could kill Severus and he also tried to explain to Severus why he must do this. Severus constantly said he needed to go back to war so he could bring Harry to V (he was afraid something would happen H) and V scolded him several times for it but didn't kill him instantly. He still keeps explaining to him why he's going to kill him. Also I think he said "I regret it" two times is so crazy. He also turned his back before he could see Severus's death body, I don't care if j*r made it so he would look like he doesn't care it didn't work j*r I'm seeing that whole interaction other ways lolol.

I love the idea of Nagini liking Severus. When I read Tomerus fics I usually can't wait to see their interaction lol they can't speak and understand each other but the idea of them being close and Tom being so happy because two of them only thing he cares about is just perfect perfecttttt.

I'm not really interested in t!marry mostly because I come into this fandom for Severus and the most interesting ship of him for me was between him and Tom. I do like Harry's char but I didn't come into fandom for him lol that's why I don't really care about t!marry. İt's not about Harry either I don't read anything about any other chars, I only read Tomerus at the moment and sometimes things about Ron because well don't come at me but Harry's trauma wasn't showing itself (j*r and her bad writing, like women I can't believe you avoided a lot of good psychological part of chars) but Ron, Ron acts on his insecurities. I love when we see chars and their life affecting them. Maybe because I don't remember but Harry doesn't give me that feeling in my mind, but we could see them on Severus which again is the reason why he's my fav and I'm more into Tomerus. And yes I wish they were more popular. I'm trying to learn to draw so I could make art for them but it looks impossible I don't think I could learn how to draw anytime soon. And writing sucks for me because it's not my first language and British has different slangs I can't keep up with, the time difference etc. My focus problem wouldn't let me write a fic in general lol. I just try to post about them as much as I can.

And thank you for sharing your ideas too. I always felt like someone would come out and say "you just make them ooc" but you understand so well and make me feel seen 😭 you always can yap any idea about them I would just die from happiness. You're the first person to say anything about their relationship voluntarily. (lol there was a thing in twitter tell me ship I will tell my opinions on them so as you can imagine I made everyone to talk about them😭😭) This just makes me so happy and gave me confidence to post about them being fluffier than I already make them 🙂‍↕️. Again thank you dear I really enjoyed reading your comments🧡

[swearphil]

hi renee, do you still read schitts creek fanfic? do you have any recs? :)

anon, I love the timing of getting this ask on monday and then ao3 was down and I thought it would be awhile until I could effectively answer this ask but ao3 is back! yay!!! and then it took me three days to answer this because I couldn't make decisions!

yes, I still read schitt's creek fanfic! when I started compiling a list for this ask, I was going to do 10 fics but I've decided to rec 20: 10 multi-chapter fics and 10 one shots/single chapter fics. this way I get to include more fics and hopefully you find something you'd like to read! I also recommend checking out my sc fic recs tag and I also have this my recs tag where I made recs for the @farm-witches-fic-recs this or that challenge! I also recommend the witches' posts for more recs!

here are 20 fics from 20 authors but please know there are so many incredible authors in this fandom and I love them all and I hate that I can't include all of them!!!

Multi-Chapter Fics

On the Outside Looking Through by @smblmn

A pride & prejudice AU

Red White and Blue Jays by @grapehyasynth

Red White and Royal Blue AU. David Rose, First Son of the United States, hates Patrick Brewer, First Son of Canada. That gets him into some trouble - and then a lot of trouble. (I mean we're about to get the movie sooooooooo)

my heart was broke, my head was sore by @blueink3

The morning after Grad Night goes somewhat differently when Patrick gets a call from home.

Crossing Out the Good Years by @nontoxic-writes

One thing, David didn’t do one thing, and moved them to New York and let their marriage fall apart. But that wasn't supposed to happen. So Fate intervenes. aka the divorce-ish fic

The Rosebud Diamond by @vivianblakesunrisebay

Patrick is a detective. David is his mysterious client. There’s a priceless diamond, a masquerade ball, murder, thievery, blackmail, secrets, betrayal, gangsters, smoking, whiskey, and angst galore. (And a happy ending.) It’s a film noir AU.

you never shined so brightly by @rosedavid

A La La Land AU in which Patrick is the aspiring actor and David is the struggling musician.

Home at Last by @januarium

When Stevie Budd took on the role of Sally Bowles she could never have known how much she would gain from it. From the prompt: An alternate universe where Ted does not choose Alexis at the end of Season Four and Stevie and Alexis get close during Cabaret rehearsals

You Happened by @lilythesilly

David Rose is many things: talented, creative, fashion-forward, well read—the list can go on, but at the very top of that list is Extremely Rich. So he doesn’t understand why his father is making him work at Rose Video—or why Patrick Brewer, a boy he's had virtually no interaction with since they were twelve, is suddenly always around. An enemies-to-coworkers-to-friends-to-lovers high school au.

Pull The Shot. Steam The Milk. Repeat. by @treluna4

Right at the beginning of David’s junior year of college, his dad’s business partner literally took the money and ran, and the Roses were left with nothing...He moved in with his friend Stevie and got a job at the Schitt Family Coffee Roasters south campus location. David was less than thrilled by this job prospect, but no one else was hiring and rent was a thing now, so he gathered what little self-respect he had left and prepared to meet his new manager, Patrick. But as it turned out, David had met him once before. Under very, very different circumstances. Or; the hookup-to-friends-to-lovers college coffee shop AU that no one asked for.

How Easy It Could Be by @maxbegone

A story about sweet caffeine, starting new, and falling in love slowly.

Single Chapter Fics

life ain't passing you by by @dinnfameron

Stevie has breakfast at the cottage before a business trip. David and Patrick have some thoughts regarding her feelings for her new coworker.

like glass from sandy ground by @middyblue

Five times Alexis ran from grief, and one time she didn't.

Pretty Follies by @treepyful

Alexis and Twyla team up to play matchmaker for Stevie and Ruth. Unfortunately, the course of true love never did run smooth.

I INDEX/MATCH You by @sarahlevys

Ruth maintains a lot of spreadsheets. Some of them feature Stevie.

are there still beautiful things? by @mymariahcarey

“Look what I got Stevie!” Twyla calls as she runs through the waist-high grass towards the line of trees where Stevie’s waiting for her. By the time Twyla reaches her, her cheeks pink and her breath labored, her french braids are coming undone and there’s a twig stuck in one of them. Or, Stevie and Twyla were childhood best friends.

falling into place like dominos by @petalwritesx

David and Patrick hold a second housewarming party, this time at their newly-renovated cottage. For old times' sake, they decide to play spin the bottle. Meanwhile, Stevie has been wrestling with her feelings for Alexis since she left for New York... and it never occurred to her that those feelings could flow both ways.

you light me up like starlight by @stereopticons

Patrick and his indie band head back to their hometown to perform for the annual holiday charity concert, and David tags along, even though they are still keeping their relationship a secret.

Live By Love Though The Stars Walk Backwards by @chelle-68

Stevie returns from a work trip to discover an exhausted Patrick who has trouble sleeping without David, who has been in LA visiting his family. Stevie's offer to spend the night to keep Patrick company, hoping it will help him sleep, turns into a night of heartfelt conversation about love, friendship, fate, and taking chances.

One Single Thread of Gold by @swiftlythebest

Patrick has a baseball viewing party, and David has a lot of feelings.

as we dream by the fire by @blackandwhiteandrose

The fire is just the right amount of warm -- enough to keep David toasty but not sweaty -- so he can enjoy lying against his husband’s chest, happy and content in his embrace. Patrick brings a hand up, slipping his fingers through David’s hair. “This is a great way to spend an evening,” he says, his voice soft. “We should do this more often.”

[lisbeth-kk]

Holiday

Thanks for the prompt @calaisreno

Ice and fire

They’ve decided to let Rosie choose where to go the next time she’s off school. February predicts she will pick somewhere hot and sunny. Even Sherlock’s unprepared when she makes her wish clear. No hesitation, no matter how many times they ask if she’s sure.

“It’s damn cold there at that time of year, love,” John says.

“And it’s not the kind of cold you’re used to here in England, Bee,” Sherlock punctuates.

Rosie rolls her eyes at her two oblivious fathers.

“I know! I’ve done my research, collected data,” she says exasperated, looking specifically at Sherlock, who does nothing to hide his smile.

“Of course you did,” he says fondly, ruffling her curls. 

“Well, at least we know what to buy for Christmas,” John muses. “Proper clothing. Wool, fleece, windproof jackets and trousers, boots…”

“Always the practical one, John.”

Sherlock reaches for John’s hand and squeezes it. John squeezes back, mouthing ‘I love you’.

***

Rosie and Sherlock uses the next weeks to do further research and decide on the actual destination. It’s after all three countries to choose from. When they’re at their wits end, they call John to make the final choice. Debating back and forth, John finally decides, and both Sherlock and Rosie let out a relieved sigh. John scrutinises them both, then throw his arms in the air.

“You had decided even before calling me, didn’t you?” he sighs.

“Papa deduced which of the cities you would prefer, Daddy. Easy peasy,” Rosie says gleefully.

Sherlock stands and embraces his husband, kissing his forehead.

“We all know how much you hate that kind of research, John. Besides, you would go anywhere with Bee and me, so we just made it easier for you. Nobody benefits from you being all grumpy,” Sherlock states and pulls John in for a proper kiss.

John melts in Sherlock’s arms and feels the excitement of going on an adventure with his beloved family.

***

When the hotel comes into sight, Rosie rubs her eyes and blinks rapidly.

“What’s wrong, Bee?” Sherlock asks as the bus is about to park.

“The windows. They look strange. Blurry. I thought there was something wrong with my eyes,” Rosie answers.

“Ah. Yes, the architecture is rather….” 

Sherlock trails off before he offends anyone, by saying out loud how appalled he is by the hideous look of said hotel. The location’s splendid, though. 

The receptionist is efficient, and to Rosie’s astonishment fluent in English, though he has an unfamiliar accent. Before they walk over to the lifts, she hears him speak on the phone in another language. She’s heard it at the airport and on the bus too.

“Did you understand any of that?” she asks Sherlock when the lift ascends to their floor. 

“Not a single word, Bee,” Sherlock admits.

“You, John?” he asks.

“Nope. Luckily they speak quite good English,” John says.

“They wouldn’t get far only speaking their mother tongue,” Sherlock muses. “And they’re adventurous. Vikings all of them, remember.”

Rosie giggles.

*** 

Before going out to explore the city, John checks the weather forecast like a true native. He’s done some research on his own. The weather can go from sun to heavy snowfall in a blink. He finds it hard to believe, but better safe than sorry, he reckons, and unpacks all their new outfits.

It doesn’t take them more than five minutes to reach the outskirts of the city centre. Rosie’s fascinated by the wooden houses by the small canal, not to mention when they arrive at the bigger one in the inner city. They’re all painted in different bright colours, and the sight’s quite picturesque.

“It’s just like in the photographs,” she whispers, her eyes beaming.

“Indeed,” Sherlock agrees, laying a gloved covered hand on Rosie’s shoulder.

John pulls out his phone to take a picture but is interrupted by a young girl in her twenties.

“Do you want me to take a picture of the three of you?” she asks.

“Yes, please,” says John and joins Rosie and Sherlock by the railing of the old bridge.

The girl takes a few shots of them, returns the phone to John and says her goodbyes. 

They’re starting to get cold, at least on their cheeks, which are the only places on their bodies not covered in fabric. Sherlock suggests they walk to the town square.

“I read that there’s some special event this week. Celebrating the Sami people’s national day. There should be a big tent there where they’re serving food and drinks.”

***

“This is like a fairytale,” Rosie whispers in awe when they enter the tent.

In the middle is a bonfire. Around it wooden benches and tables are placed in a wide circle, the benches covered with reindeer pelts and there’s a woman dressed in the traditional Sami garment performing a joik. 

The food’s also quite traditional. Something called bidos. A stew with onion, carrots, potatoes and reindeer meat. It’s simple and very down to earth, but tasty, and warm. 

John looks around the tent when he’s finished eating and eyes a woman casting glances at them, trying to hide her smile.

“So, you’ve seen her too?” Sherlock murmurs in his ear. “I think she recognises us.”

“You think?” John asks astonished. “I’m pretty sure she’s native Norwegian. I heard her talking to one of the waiters when I passed her earlier.”

“John, please. We’re not in the bushes or wilderness without internet access,” Sherlock huffs. “She probably reads your blog. There’s no question about her knowing who we are.”

“I’m just getting some more water, Daddy,” Rosie says and walks to a table where mugs of ice water are placed. 

On her way back, she stumbles. Before John or Sherlock can reach her, the woman catches Rosie and rescues her from falling. She even manages to save the glass which slipped out of Rosie’s hand.

“You alright?” she asks, and Rosie nods.

“Thanks,” Rosie says shyly. 

Sherlock approaches, thanking the woman warmly. She blushes and waves it away.

“No problem,” she says. “Having a nice stay?”

“Oh, yes!” Sherlock and Rosie say in unison.

“Have you seen the northern lights yet?” the woman inquires as John joins them.

“We were hoping to see them before we leave,” John retorts.

“Tonight may be a good time for it. Which hotel are you staying at?” 

When Rosie explains about the strange hotel, the woman chuckles.

“Ah, yes! Not a favourite when it comes to the architecture, but there’s a roof terrace with a magnificent view over the fjord. You should be able to see it from there, I think,” she explains.

“Brilliant,” John says. “We’ll definitely try that.”

The woman looks at Sherlock and sends him a look John’s unable to decipher. Sherlock just nods gravely at her, and she touches his arm briefly with tears in her eyes, before she wishes them a nice stay and walks out of the tent.  

***

Later that evening when Sherlock’s calculated the best opportunity to catch the northern lights, and they’ve dressed themselves, they find that they’re alone on the roof terrace. Most of the guests are here for business and have probably seen the spectacle numerous times, John thinks to himself.

The three of them are standing close together looking out over the fjord, and suddenly it’s there. Green light dances over the sky, and it’s breathtaking and magical, almost surreal. Rosie squeaks, hops up and down and claps her hands in excitement.

John pulls Sherlock closer and kisses his jaw.

“Magnificent, isn’t it?” he whispers.

“Quite,” Sherlock agrees, and pulls John even closer.

“Are you cold, sweetheart?” John inquires when he feels Sherlock shake a little.

“No,” Sherlock murmurs. “It’s just…I…uhm…I remembered that woman from the tent.”

“Yeah, I meant to ask you about that look she gave you. You seemed to know what it was about,” John prompts.

“I did. She knows who we are, John. That look was linked to…”

He trails off and all of a sudden John understands.

“The roof,” he whispers. “She knew about the Fall and silently begged you to be careful.”

Tears spring to John’s eyes, and he buries his face in Sherlock’s neck. Sherlock strokes his back.

“I’m still astounded to experience strangers caring so much about us,” Sherlock murmurs. 

Rosie yawns as the northern lights recedes and they go back to their room, overwhelmed by all the impressions of the day. 

“Thank you for being persistent in your choice of our holiday destination, love,” John says when he tucks Rosie in.

“You’re welcome, Daddy. I didn’t want to bore any of us, and lying on a beach is actually quite boring,” the little girl states. 

She’s asleep before Sherlock has a chance to say goodnight.

Lying in bed Sherlock and John hold each other tight, marvelling in the thought that somewhere in this small town, almost in the middle of Norway, a woman cares for them, knows who they are, wishes them all the best, and they don’t even know her name.

I got a bit carried away today, moving them as close as I could.

@totallysilvergirl @missdeliadili @peanitbear @raina-at @topsyturvy-turtely @meetinginsamarra @keirgreeneyes @gaylilsherlock