#or does it have to be more impactful first?

[heavysighing-dreamyeyes]

Longing

~1.3k words

Loving Jason Todd isn't always easy. But falling in love with him? It's the easiest thing you've ever done. You can't say you didn't know it was happening, but you can only hope it's not as obvious to him as it is to you.

You couldn't fight the feelings even if you wanted to. He's quickly become the first person you look for when you walk into a room, the first person you want to call after a long day, the first person you check to see if your joke made them laugh.

You know exactly what made you fall. The glint in his eyes when he's about to try something new, the way he smiles when he reads, the way he's come to relax into your touch. It's all that– all that– and so much more.

You could go on and on about how he seems to float around the kitchen when he cooks, how he rolls his shoulders when he's fixing his bike, how the world seems to go still when he starts to speak. You're hooked, head over heels, and you don't know how to stop.

You're not sure what life was like before him. Before the pounding in your chest, the dizzy sensation in your head, the butterflies in your stomach. He's a sun pulling you helplessly into his orbit, and with every day that passes, you'll either burn or find yourself steady in his gravity.

It's almost scary, how much of your heart you've given to him without him even knowing. But being near him is a high like no other, and just hearing his laugh is worth being scorched by his light.

You think he must know, in some capacity, that his name is carved into your soul. There's no other reason for him to treat you as he does. No reason for him to soften under your gaze, no reason for him to indulge in your ramblings and sink into your couch like he belongs there.

You write it all away as half pity, half friendship. He encourages your words because he's your friend. He seeks out your company because he pities the hopeless devotion in your eyes. And honestly? You don't mind whatever reason has him keeping you around.

It could be fleeting, his presence in your life, but the impact? That’s permanent. You think you’ll always dream about the color of his eyes, the ghost of his touch on your back, the low, soothing tone of his voice. It’s enough and not enough all at once.

You could never ask for more, never push the boundary between friend and not, but it doesn’t stop you from craving it. It claws at your throat.

What would he feel like when he’s pressed so close that all you know is him? When all you can smell is his scent? Would he curl his fingers at the base of your neck? Would his breaths be as steady as they always seem to be? What would it be like to know his taste? To have him be yours, even for a single second.

You never linger on those thoughts. You can’t. How could you? It feels like a betrayal to want so much more from a man who’s already given you so much. But what can you do? It doesn’t stop the dreams that leave you gasping when you wake, the ever-present tightness in your chest begging you to confessconfessconfess.

The words build so strongly in your throat you have to bite your tongue. It’s the iron taste of blood that keeps you from pouring out the contents of your heart, from bearing your very soul to him.

But how can you really last before you slip up? You want to scream it until your voice is raw, until there’s no doubt that what you feel is real.

You press your mouth shut and grit your teeth until your jaw aches instead. Everything you’ve ever wanted feels so close, a brush away from your fingertips. But it’s at the risk of everything you have. There’s no way of knowing, not really, how he’ll react.

And to lose him? To lose Jason all because you went and caught feelings? The idea makes you want to retch over a toilet and sob.

It weighs heavy enough that your dreams turn to nightmares. The idea of soft touches turned to flinches, and easy conversations to awkward silences keeps you burying your heart. He can’t know. You can’t risk the one person who makes everything better, safe and warm, and easy.

You’re ready to live like that forever. To let the wounds you inflict to your own heart callus over and swallow your words until they burn in your throat like acid.

That is, until Jason has other ideas.

Going out for lunch that day was expected, the walk in the park was planned, the ice cream you ate was as sweet as it always was, and even him escorting you home was anticipated.

But him hovering in your doorway? The anxious shift of his weight, his lip drawn between his teeth as he seems to contemplate his words? That’s abnormal.

It makes you want to reach out and sooth the crease forming on his brow, even if you know better. It’s not your place to touch him so carelessly, even if it’s all you seem to yearn for. All you can offer him is your ear, a shoulder if he needs it, and the familiar comfort of your couch to ease his burdens.

But Jason Todd is unpredictable. So when he steps forward, when he crowds you against the door of your apartment and asks to kiss you, you almost believe that it’s another dream.

Almost. The heat radiating from his skin, the careful way he cups your jaw to tilt your head back, the light catching his dilated pupils. Those are all things you’ve never conjured on your own.

That makes this real, makes the desperate darting of his eyes over your face as he waits for a response real.

Later, you’ll wonder if the uncertainty in his face meant he really didn’t know the depth of your feelings for him. But in the moment, no coherent thought forms in your starstruck mind, and it takes the slight tremble of his hand against your skin to remind you to nod.

The relief in his face is instant, but you don’t get the chance to admire it. He kisses you like the world depends on it, gentle and crushing and head-spinning all at once. It pulls the air from your lungs, and you fist your fingers in his shirt to ground yourself, to drag him closer and find out if he tastes like you thought he would. (He does)

You think you fall in love with him all over again, when he cradles the back of your head to cushion you against the door.

The word rests heavy on your tongue as one kiss turns to two, then three, then four. It paws at your throat when he litters your jaw with soft kisses as you try to catch your breath. Confessconfessconfess gnaws at you, trying to draw the feeling into words.

You guide him by his hair into another kiss instead. You’ve waited this long, after all, and the temptation to have him as breathless as you are pushes back the emotion racing in your heart.

His steady hand on your hip, his lips on yours, is all you need right now. And later, when the words become too much to swallow and they flow like a flood into the space between you, you’ll hold onto the growing hope that he’ll say them back.

(He will, with a voice just as wrecked and nervous as yours, and you'll wonder why you ever thought you should hide the word love from him at all)

[embervoices]

A very useful thread on Bluesky:

(There is a lot more. Rather than give you all the images, I've copied the full text below.)

Meredith Rose‬ ‪@mrose.ink‬ November 8, 2024

This is not going to be a repeat of 2016-2020. It will be better, it will be worse, but most of all it will be different. Here are things I want every single person to keep in mind as we head into round 2 of a Trump admin.

My credentials: I’m a queer female public interest attorney working on tech policy in DC. I’ve been doing this for a decade--longer than some, not as long as others. I had to navigate three different administrations, as well as Congress, regulatory agencies, courts, and the advocacy world.

FIRST: don’t let despair override your media literacy.

The left has grifters, just like every other movement. If you’re able and compelled to donate, give to orgs with established track records. Avoid giving to individuals, especially anyone who emerges overnight with a one-weird-trick “plan.”

The left is not immune to misinformation, and everyone—EVERYONE—falls for it sometimes, present company included. There is no shame in it. When (not if) it happens to you, you should acknowledge it; delete or retract the post to reduce the spread; and move on.

If a source consistently shares half-truths or outright misinformation, it is not trustworthy, no matter how much “their heart is in the right place.” Unfollow and move on.

Prediction, analysis, and reporting are three fundamentally different things. Learn to identify them for what they are. Reject attempts by amateur “analysts” to predict the future. They know as much as you do.

Real subject matter experts know and acknowledge their limits. They’re also (usually) hesitant to try and predict the future. The best frame their predictions in terms of a range of possible outcomes. Subject matter experts may also disagree with one another! It happens!

SECOND: What we know for sure about how the Trump, how he operates, and how that will impact the next four years.

Trump is a narcissist who avoids reading and doesn’t care about details. He cannot be persuaded by argument or logic; he’s moved mostly by flattery, and will agree with the last person who flattered him. He can and will upend his own administration’s work without warning, often by tweet.

As a result, most policy experts—even those "on his side"—dread him taking an interest in their field. Ask any Republican staffer who worked in Congress during the last administration, and most of them will confirm that their greatest fear was Trump tweeting about anything related to their work.

As such, people who are serious about their work will do everything to make it as invisible and boring-seeming as possible. This is the policy equivalent of defensive camouflage. Lots of “normie” work will continue in silence. (The lion’s share of tech policy ends up in this bucket.)

If you have a niche issue that you care about, now is a great time to donate to orgs that work on it. Lots of money will be funneled to big legacy orgs working on headline issues: ACLU, climate change orgs, etc. Consider sending your donations where they matter most: local, niche, established.

Trump runs his cabinet like the Apprentice. He thrives on chaos and making people compete for his approval. Not only does he not reward collaboration between his subordinates, he actively undermines it.

Moreover, everyone who works with him knows that they’re vulnerable to being thrown under the bus at a moment’s notice, for any reason (or for no reason at all). His cabinet is going to be scorpions in a bottle. They will not be able to coordinate, for good or ill.

One scorpion can still do a lot of horrific damage. But large scale inter-agency coordination is unlikely, particularly after the first few months, by which point he will likely (prediction warning!) have gone through a handful of cabinet secretaries already.

FINALLY: The view from inside civil society heading into 2025.

In 2016, Trump was a largely unknown quantity. The left and establishment right alike wasted a lot of time trying to read tea leaves and make sense of this guy, because he was completely outside the realm of what anyone had dealt with. That’s not happening now.

He did us a favor by broadcasting his plans in advance (aka Project 2025). Civil society has spent the last 2.5 years strategizing around it. We’re not starting off flat-footed.

The Biden admin did a good amount to future-proof its own achievements. Folks can speak to their own areas of expertise, but clean energy and CHIPS and Science Act (investing in domestic semiconductor production) have benefitted from huge sunk investments. That money’s not getting clawed back.

OVERALL TAKE-AWAYS:

It's going to suck. But civil society and the political left have some advantages we didn't have last time. We know him, we know his angles, and we know who he's bringing in--none of which we had in 2016.

We'll get through this. It will be grim, but we'll get through it.

John Cutting‬ ‪@johncutting.bsky.social‬

Thanks Meredith. I really valued your analysis over the past few years, and I think this is a reasonable, actionable framework to think about the upcoming storm

Meredith Rose‬ ‪@mrose.ink‬

I really cannot overstate how much time was (necessarily) wasted in 2017 trying to figure out this guy and his influences. The fact that he's not only a known quantity, but ran the most over-studied administration in this nation's recent history, makes this a very different game.

John Cutting‬ ‪@johncutting.bsky.social‬

I bet we can weaponize his narcissism. Let's say some ghoul starts making progress with a mass deportation effort, if we start calling that ghoul that "shadow president" en masse, Trump would fire him in right away and appoint Hulk Hogan or something

‪Meredith Rose‬ ‪@mrose.ink‬

This is exactly why I don't think Musk will last very long. Trump is very clear that he's the only one in the room allowed to have an ego or any kind of brand name.

[girl4music]

That’s it. Anyone with the “me and my own” ideology will get clapped back.

People that actually care to help people without asking for anything in return will also get their due.

That’s just the way of the Universe.

When you’re already well off, why do you need to be accounted for? Harris specifically was talking about who wasn’t. She was addressing the poor because she knew that’s where things needed to change the most.

The people she didn’t address are not going to be impacted in any negative way. Their lives will stay relatively the same. She didn’t speak to you because she didn’t need to because you’re fine as you are.

On the other hand, Trump is also addressing the poor and minorities. Speaking directly to them. But not with love and care. With hatred and revenge. The opposite.’

He wants to make things worse for them and now he can. So if you voted for him or you didn’t even vote at all - it’s on you why things are going to be much worse from now on. And if you think you won’t be negatively impacted by it because Trump is on your side…

Think again. Because incompetency impacts everyone.

No Harris wasn’t promising the rich and the majorities something. But that didn’t mean she was out to get you. That didn’t mean that she wanted to hurt you.

She simply saw it as you already had what you needed.

There were many others that did not.

She chose to address them.

Look for EVERYONE to live comfortable lives, then everyone has also got to learn to share and to be a community. Giving and getting is a transaction between each other. This is normal. This is natural. This is the way it should be. Greed and hoarding wealth doesn’t really help anyone in the long run and that’s not well understood in America because they’ve lived an entire history through a culture of taking from others. From theft. They never question it not because they’re dumb but because they don’t realize it this is how it’s always been and how it’s always been has always being wrong.

Being afraid of community and socialism. Taught that it’s inherently bad for them and to always look out for themselves and their own first. It’s just not The Way.

Having a black woman as President for the first time would have been revolutionary for them. it would have been a start to setting things right because they’ve never been right. Keeping to tradition doesn’t always mean better because that tradition could be awful. All of this I’m writing right now only sounds so bad because it’s coming from someone that doesn’t live in America but still has lived through a Western culture that’s majorly the same and has never understood it.

See I’m a Westerner but I don’t understand Western culture and I never really have. It’s like I was born with the soul or someone Eastern. Someone whose worldview of philosophy is inherently non-dual because when I look at a person - regardless of what kind of person they are or might be - I don’t see a difference.

We all want to live and thrive and prosper but so many of us have an understanding that goes against that goal just by virtue of “well, what do I get out of it?”

You get what you’ve always had. The means to survive. If you believe that’s not enough then I don’t know what to tell you. It’s more than enough for those that don’t currently have it and are fucking desperate for it.

Bottom line is you’ve got to give a little - to sacrifice or compromise on something - to set the balance right.

Harris was the right person to lead to be able to do this. Or at least make the attempt to. What you have now - with Trump - is a lesson. And I hope you learn it well.

Hatred will never make anything better for anyone. All it does it makes it much much much worse for everyone.

You can call this “virtue-signalling” or being “morally superior” if you want. I don’t care. No, America is not my home. No, I couldn’t vote. It doesn’t matter to me.

But I still very much care about the situation because I am a human being. And I honestly think that’s all that’s needed to do the right thing at the end of the day. If you care about something or somebody other than yourself.

You know politics is whatever but people have forgotten how to be a fucking person and that’s very concerning.

You can play heroes vs villains to your dying day and see how much you’ve “gained” out of doing it then.

Rant over.

White conservative America will vote for whiteness and patriarchy.

White conservative America would rather have Putin in the White House before Kamala Harris.

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

I harp a lot on how I don't think the current episodic release structure for Arknights does it many favors in how it wants to tell its stories, and how it's story manifests for us, but there are some benefits to this type of long form structure, and it's moments that get better with hindsight. It's not impossible to do this in a more contained medium, as this is often a staple of the mystery genre of literature and film, but it is uncommonly employed in video games to great effect, with their contained stories often being played much more straight.

One of the benefits of releasing longer-form content is the ability to both make callbacks and to give additional details that change the meaning in earlier scenes. The most famous in Arknights, at least for me, is the scene in Wei's office in Chapter 2.

In it's original context, this is Wei Yenwu being aloof to the threat of Reunion, not even bothering to properly remember their leader's name. Once you learn though that Talulah is not just Reunion's leader but Wei Yenwu's niece, and suddenly the scene has new context. This is the scene I point to when I want to talk about how much of a slimeball Wei Yenwu is at this point in the story. This isn't him being aloof, this is Wei deliberately holding back information in order to manipulate for himself a better position. By not revealing his stakes, he wants to hold more power at the negotiation tables with Rhodes Island for Lungmen.

Of course he knows the name of the leader of Reunion, how could he not? How could he not remember letting Kaschey go and take her away, prioritizing Lungmen over the safety of his dead brother's daughter? But he's not going to show that to Rhodes Island, a bunch of strangers he intends to use in poor faith.

Now let's talk about a conversation in Chapter 10 you likely haven't thought about in quite some time!

That's right! We're here to talk about Nezzsalem's confrontation with Kal'tsit when she docks with Londinium. This is a really interesting scene that primarily serves initially to offer even more mystique to Kal'tsit and Theresa's assassination. After all, Kal'tsit and Nezzsalem knew each other, they even fought together at least once. The King of the Nachzehrer! He was there when Theresa was assassinated, and here he is now, inquiring about the death of the last pure Wendigo. None of this seems out of the question, but with some more time, it's possible to find this scene strange.

How did he know? Sure, the Nachzehrer thrives off of life and death, but they're more focused on war. The passing of lives to the Myriad Souls is the concern of the Banshees, not the Nachzehrer. Patriot is also not a Sarkaz hero, at least not directly, since he was a Patriot for Ursus, not Kazdel, and he was a supporter of Theresa at that. Given everything we know now, it's pretty unlikely that Patriot would have followed Theresis to Londinium. But it's still not completely out of the question. Babel reveals that the Military Council in its fledgling state knew about where he was.

This is a pretty small aside after Nezzsalem defeats Logos, but it managed to hit me like a brick, because the first thing I remembered was Nezzsalem confronting Kal'tsit about the death of Patriot. Patriot was not just a Wendigo to Nezzsalem, he was something of a son to him. Sure, he might not have been Nezzsalem's only student, but the Nachzehrer are not shown to be a particularly sentimental bunch pretty much ever, so the Sudaram going "Yeah. Your kid" is impactful here. Nezzsalem stands, having beaten Laqueramaline's son in combat, after Aefanyl had proven himself worthy of respect, as an old man thinking about his own son.

This reframes the conversation in Chapter 10. Nezzsalem knows Kal'tsit, it's implied he's known her for a very long time, and it's likely he's seen the different lives of Kal'tsit and likely knew of her involvement in the invasion of Kazdel a couple hundred years ago. So it's now also got that added element of the King of the Nachzehrer coming up to the landship and shaking Kal'tsit by the shoulders going "WHAT DID YOU DO". It provides new context for his anger. Kal'tsit was directly involved in the death of his foster son, just as she was directly involved previously in the destruction of Kazdel and one of the figures behind Babel.

It also adds some depth to Nezzsalem's acceptance. He died a warrior, maybe against one of the most fitting opponents upon all of Terra, and knowing that Patriot chose Kal'tsit quells that anger.

It's all neat. There's more that can be extrapolated from this, such as this providing something of an explanation for Patriot's military ability and potentially even his witchcraft, but those aren't as important or interesting to me. Chapter 14 is a story in a number of ways about the burden and threads of individuals who have lived an immensely long period of time, individuals who have found immortality in one way or another, and the ways that these lives ultimately intersect and weave with one another, and Patriot is another one of those patterns weaved through time.

[ariiadnes]

╭ ⿻ ･ TENDING TO YOUR INJURIES

-ˋ ♡ ◞ xiao ･ alhaitham ･ ayato. genshin impact. repost.

❀ ﾟ. ༄ xiao

you imagined this would have gone differently. you imagined xiao would be frantic, furious-- not at you, but at those who dared bring you harm. you imagined he'd be scolding you endlessly for such acts of recklessness, but he does not. instead, he chooses silence, expression stoic, almost unreadable, and it makes the heart sink into uncertainties.

it is silent.

there is a heaviness that lingers in the air as he tends to your wounds, fresh cuts stinging and irritated by the balm he applies in the gentlest of ways. you imagined this would be so much more different, and you almost wish it was, because you can feel his hurt like it is your own, and you know that he believes your pain is his, always and forever.

the salve is cool against your skin ; it tingles, the back of your hand, but a warmth replaces the sensation as his fingers dance across the injuries. he doesn't look at you, but instead, chooses to displace his anxiety and frustration in the way he takes care of you.

you tilt your head the slightest bit, force your gazes to meet as you smile faintly. it is a guilty smile, he notices, and he does not return it, nor can he bring himself to look away.

"i am still here, xiao."

then, he speaks for the first time tonight.

"you should have called me. you know you cannot face dangers greater than yourself alone."

there is something in his words-- a grief, the thought of what could have been, a preemptive readiness for the loss of a loved one-- and your smile turns somber. he is right. you should have asked for help. you are lucky to have survived the night, and you both are well aware of that.

you grab his hand, squeeze it gently despite the pain. you can see that small flicker of surprise in his eyes as you pull him towards you, and in the way your lips meet his, there is the quiet seeking of forgiveness and a known gratitude.

"i'm sorry, xiao." you murmur against his lips. "i will be sure to speak your name when the time arises."

❀ ﾟ. ༄ alhaitham

"be honest. you're pissed."

alhaitham is quick to care for your wounds, but he is not quick to panic. not a surprise, really, and it's also not really a surprise as to how he's acting.

"i'm not angry". he states, a blunt brutality in his words. "i'm just disappointed."

you don't say anything initially, your expression deadpan as it meets his before you throw him a half-hearted glare. there's a slightly teasing tone in his response, though you know he means them. had you been a stranger, you would have thought he was dead serious.

"i'm sorry," you start, "i almost thought i was being grounded for a second."

alhaitham doesn't say anything at first, simply stares at you-- and it's a long while of just looking at each other until the first person breaks. he's almost certain you will be the first to lose in this battle of resilience-- you always are, albeit through his own means. so he scoots a little closer to you, leans forward until all you can see or think about is him. he cups your face with his hand, touch gentle, almost too warm, and how steady it is that he holds your gaze.

"you are." he murmurs, and you almost think you see a hint of a smile when you finally look away, begrudgingly leaning back the slightest bit in silent admit of defeat.

"shut up."

"i won't." he answers. "now come back to me. you have a scratch on your face, you know."

"oh. is that why you were getting so close?"

"yes," alhaitham chuckles, and you are unsure what makes your heart beat faster : the love in it, or the way he closes the distance between you once more, "but i also happen to like you, too."

❀ ﾟ. ༄ ayato

"beloved, you wound me so."

there's a faint curve that settles on ayato's lips, but there's worry in that smile, and you know that no amount of words can ease it. you let out a quiet laugh, your hands in his as he squeezes them gently in comfort to both you and him : to you, in means of letting you know that he is there for you, and to him, in means of reassurance that you are still here, still alive and breathing.

there's bandages all over your body-- no serious injuries, thankfully, but there are still so many, and how they adorn you terribly so.

"and i thought i was the only one who was wounded." you respond, a lighthearted tone in your words. you do not wish to see him sad, nor do you wish to add any additional stress to his already hectic routine. ayato has experienced much loss in his life -- and even now, he must be on guard for those who wish to harm him through means of hurting those he cares for. you squeeze his hand twice : a quiet apology, an i'm sorry, and he hears it loud and clear.

"in spirit, i'm hurt, too."

your laughter grows a little louder. he's always been so cheesy and theatrical when it came to romance. the worry in his smile dissipates, turns into something of genuine relief at your reaction. though you may be littered in wounds, it's clear that you are alright.

"well, we can't have that, can we?" you murmur, pressing a kiss to his forehead in yet another means of apology. "i'm sorry. i didn't mean to worry you." you whisper, and you press your forehead against his. "i'm alright, love. thank you for taking care of me."

[euphoric-rambles]

I want to comment as someone who got a hysterectomy at 33 (and am now 35).

Why did I do it?

I was diagnosed at 26 with a rare form of uterine pre-cancer called Atypical Polyploid Adenoma (APA) and had recurrent tumors in my uterus with some transformation of the cells indicating a chance of high malignancy. Meaning there was a higher chance that I could develop an aggressive form of uterine cancer. Over the course of almost a decade, I visited my gynecologist, oncologist, and GP several times a year. I had annual transvaginal ultrasounds (where a wand is shoved inside your vagina to take pictures of your uterus and ovaries) along with several D/Cs. A D/C is where a doctor shaves a section of the impacted uterine tissue with a laser--think Darth Vader lasering out your uterus.

I also had several biopsies of my uterus taken. Uterine biopsies are some of the most targeted pain I have ever felt. The doctor has to open your cervix to get into the uterus. This is often completed while the patient is awake and without any pain relief. After my first one I was crying so hard my oncologist was concerned I might be having a panic attack.

Could you have just had D/Cs for the rest of your fertility?

I could have, but the stress, anxiety, and pain was getting to me. As any patient with cancer will tell you, the anxiety is excruciating. I also had serious conversations with my oncologist about the likelihood that I could get pregnant (many of my tumors grew on my fundus, where an egg would implant) and the chance that the hormonal changes could trigger that transformation into cancer. To me, it wasn't worth the risk. That may not be true of other patients.

What was the prep like?

I went through an oncology department so my prep was to fill in many, many legal documents that said I understood that my fertility would be gone and could not come back. Otherwise I faced no pushback from my surgical team.

The prep for the surgery was the same as is for any other same day procedure. No food after midnight, bath with unscented soap.

What does a hysterectomy feel like?

You're under general anesthesia so, at the time nothing. I elected to have laparoscopic surgery and my surgeon used a DaVinci robot. Which, is SO FUCKING COOL. They asked as they were wheeling me in if I had questions and I was like !!! YES I want to know more about the robot. There is an option to have a vaginal hysterectomy where the uterus is pulled through an incision in the vagina.

What's recovery like? Do you have scars?

I'm not going to lie, the first day or so was pretty awful. I had trouble walking and getting up and down off the toilet. My boyfriend had to help get me with a lot of basic functions. But after the first week, I was fine.

I was also pretty bloated following surgery as they inflate the area with air. Be open with anyone in your home, you're going to fart for a bit. Depending on which pain meds you receive (again, I went through oncology, I was given Percocet) you may be constipated which HURTS if you push after surgery.

I do have four tiny scars that are the length of my pinky nail. After two years, one has basically disappeared and one is in my belly button. I've explained the remaining scars away as falling as a child and people believe it.

Do you regret having a hysterectomy?

Again, my reasoning for doing this was not political but the answer is no. I categorically do not regret the surgery at all. When I woke up I sobbed that I was free and that it was over. I suffered for almost a decade and have never been happier.

Do you still get a period?

I do but not in the sense that I bleed. Again no uterus. But I do get a 'period' where I get cramps and moody. My hormones are still firing but often misfire, like I get bladder cramps (thanks Prostaglandins) because the hormones are looking for my uterus, thus I also get period diarrhea. There's a fun video from gross science that covers period poops. I do not have the period weight gain or acne that I had when I was menstruating. But that's my experience, I'm curious what others have experienced.

My hormones function normally because I still have my ovaries.

Do you have any other side effects?

I had my cervix removed as well and that is partially responsible for my ability to get wet during sex. I can still get wet but it is a little different. Climaxing also feels different, almost muted sometimes, which sucks. But I can still climax, I've just had to work differently with my partner.

I also did not have any post surgical complications but I know two other folks who had hystos and one had trouble urinating right after and needed a catheter for about a week.

What else do I want you to know?

I need you to understand that a full hysterectomy means you cannot and can never get pregnant. There is no way to take eggs from you and this cannot be reversed. Do not be mistaken--this IS permanent sterilization.

I am not stating this to scare you but to make sure you understand there is no going back. I think at this very political moment anxiety is SO high but please really assess whether or not you ever want biological children. If you do not that's ok, and a hysterectomy might be an option for you. Others have suggested other options which as also permanent sterilization techniques.

My ask box is always open for questions on hysterectomies. Make an informed decision and surround yourself with folks who love you.

if you're looking for a sign to get the hysterectomy, get it. if you are wondering if you will feel freer, less burdened, more optimistic, lighter without your uterus, you will. if you simply want to never get periods again, get the hysterectomy. if you want to have sex with a different person every day forever and never worry about getting pregnant, get the hysterectomy. if you don't know whether or not you want to stay on hormones, get the hysterectomy anyway. if you're afraid you're too young, and that people will judge you, get it anyway. you don't have to live in a hostile body. you are the one who gets to decide what it will and will not do.

[marsdql]

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘉𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘜𝘴 ✄

Synopsis: You never thought a quiet new kid, who seemed so distant and out of place, could have such an impact on you, but somehow, his presence turned everything upside down.

genre/warnings: fluff to angst, Sunghoon is really shy, stalking, miscommunication, isolation, social anxiety, self doubt, rejection, drama | Wc: 5.1k

𝒎𝒂𝒓'𝒔 note: Everything that has been going on with me and my crush, who I called Thickie, served as the basis for this. It was really embarrassing, and I still find it hard to move on from it. Everything is still in progress, so I'll turn this into a series if anything more occurs. Legit every detail in here is from my true experience so enjoy! (ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ.ﾟ

You put on a white shirt with a black skirt and mary janes. Your hair had gotten a lot longer in the summer, your bangs are finally starting to blend in with the rest of your hair length, making you feel more confident. Most people dislike you after an incident that happened in middle school, you were secretly dating the boy everyone liked and when they found out, they all ghosted you. Though you didn't care and knew that their hatred was pure jealousy. Even after everyone left you, everything was getting better, as you finally became best friends with your “friend crushes”, Rei and Tzuyu.

Because you didn't want the summer to end, you and your best friends stayed up all night yelling at each other to go to bed, saying "goodnight" several times, and then messaging again a few seconds later. It was your first day of school. Knowing that you would only be attending school today and departing on a three-day trip to Toronto the following day, however, made you glad.

You walk to school and find Rei outside the school, waving to you with a big smile greeting you.

"Hey!" Rei grins, pulling you into a hug. "Did you get any sleep at all last night?"

You laugh, shaking your head. "Maybe like an hour? You and Tzuyu kept sending 'one more message,' and I couldn't just leave you hanging."

Rei laughs, linking her arm with yours as you both start walking toward the school doors. "Right? I was wide awake until I wasn't. But at least we're suffering together."

As you make your way through the school hallway, you catch glimpses of your classmates, most of whom glance away when they see you. But the familiar sight doesn't bother you as much as it once did. With Rei and Tzuyu by your side, you feel more grounded, more confident.

"So, are you ready for the first day? You know, before you escape to Toronto?" Rei asks, nudging you playfully.

"Absolutely. Today’s just a warm-up before the trip," you reply, your excitement about the getaway shining through.

Rei's eyes sparkle, but she suddenly stops mid-step and lowers her voice. "Oh, did you hear about the new guy?"

You raise an eyebrow, curiosity piqued. "Nope. What's the scoop?"

She leans in, lowering her voice to a dramatic whisper. "Apparently, Sohee saw him earlier, and she said he's exactly our type."

You feel a blush creep up on your cheeks, but you laugh it off. "Oh, really? Does he know my type that well?" Sohee was one of your old best friends, you and him were in a trio with another girl from 3rd grade until 8th grade when another girl joined the group and ruined everything. Although, you were never mad at Sohee for leaving you, knowing he was a really shy boy who followed whoever he was with, the second he got gaslighted by them. 

Rei smirks. "Let's just say he has the 'mysterious and smart' vibe. Sohee practically dragged me over to the library just to sneak a peek."

Your eyes widen in amusement. "And you went along with it?"

"Of course! I’m a great friend," Rei jokes, tugging you gently in the direction of the library. "Come on, let’s go check him out. You know you’re curious."

You laugh and shake your head, but you can’t help but let Rei lead you there, the anticipation bubbling up as you both head toward the library.

As you and Rei reach the library, she glances around, scanning for the guy she’s been talking about. Finally, she spots him across the room, and at first, her face lights up with excitement, but it quickly fades as she takes a closer look.

“Really?” she mutters, wrinkling her nose slightly. “I thought he’d look… I don’t know, better? My old crush was way cuter.” She shrugs, clearly unimpressed.

You glance over at him, and while he’s definitely cute—with that relaxed, friendly vibe—you don’t feel the spark that Rei probably thought you would. You chuckle, nodding along. “Yeah, he’s alright,” you say with a smile.

The rest of the school day drifts by, and soon you’re heading home to get ready for your weekend trip to Toronto. The city is as vibrant as you’d imagined, with lights and people everywhere. You spend your time trying new foods, wandering through markets, and snapping photos of everything from the towering CN Tower to the small, hidden bookstore you find tucked away in a quiet alley. The trip feels like a whirlwind, and by the time you get back, you’re bursting with stories to tell Rei and Tzuyu.

The day after you return, you walk into school excited to catch up with your friends. Between classes, you tell Rei and Tzuyu all about Toronto—the food, the shops, the endless things to see—and they laugh as you share your favorite moments. The day flies by, filled with laughter and classes, and finally, the last bell rings.

As usual, you, Rei, and Tzuyu gather your things and start walking to the bus stop. Since the bus doesn’t come directly to school, you have to walk a few blocks to the station—a small routine you’re all used to by now.

You’re halfway there, laughing at something Tzuyu said, when you notice someone familiar standing at the bus stop ahead. It’s him—the guy from the library, earbuds in, looking just as relaxed as before.

“Wait, he’s here?” you ask, stopping in surprise as you look from Rei to Tzuyu.

Rei raises an eyebrow, giving you a knowing smile. “Yeah, he takes the same bus as us. He’s been taking it since the day you left for Toronto.”

You shake your head, laughing a little. “What a coincidence.”

Since then, you've been seeing him at the bus stop every day after school and at the library at lunch. You've been feeling a little something for him, even if you wouldn't admit it. He lets himself be the last person on the bus while you watch him wait for everyone else to board. It warmed your heart to watch him use his phone on the bus and then get up swiftly when he saw an older woman.

One problem, though, was that you didn't know his name, grade, identity, or anything else. You only knew that you followed him everywhere and that you had unintentionally managed to learn his whole routine. – Period 01: PE / Period 02: Local 218 / Period 03: Portable Class / Period 04: Local 214  

You’re sitting in the back of French class, pretending to take notes but actually scribbling on a small piece of paper. Hi, you write, your pen hesitating as your heart races. I think you’re really cool, but i dont have the courage to ask for your socials :)

You look down at the note, wondering if you’re really about to do this. You've seen him on the bus almost every day, yet you don’t know his name or anything about him. But he’s got this quiet vibe, something that just makes you want to reach out.

Before you can change your mind, you fold up the note and slide it into your pocket.

You’re standing by the bus stop, heart pounding, clutching the tiny note in your hand. Just before the bus arrives, you check your reflection in your phone screen, quickly fluffing your hair and taking a shaky breath. 

When the bus pulls up, it’s packed, and as you step on, you spot him—standing near the door, one hand holding the railing, looking a bit squished by the crowd. You can barely breathe, but this is your chance.

With the bus jolting along, you inch your way closer to him, your heart thudding louder with each step. Just as the bus nears your stop, you reach out, tap his shoulder gently, and he turns, startled, his eyes widening in surprise.

You don’t say a word. You just hand him the folded piece of paper. He takes it, still looking confused, and before he can react, you dart off the bus, practically running all the way home, feeling like you’re in a scene from a movie.

Back home, you collapse onto your bed, covering your face with your hands, replaying the moment in your mind. You can’t believe you actually did it!

It was clear that he was timid because you never saw him with friends or spoke with anyone. That's the main reason you couldn't find his socials, he was never with anyone for you to go and stalk their following to see if he has them as a mutual. Until one day, you saw him leave his physical education class one day with a classmate. You had never seen this man smile until that moment. Finally, some information that might be useful to you: he was with a boy who is two years older than you and whom you have seen around since starting high school, meaning that he could be in the yearbook of the previous years.

You sigh, glancing at Rei as you place the yearbook on the lunch table. “Rei, you don’t understand—I’ve searched everywhere for this! I’ve asked everyone in our grade for a yearbook. And now… finally, here it is!” 

Rei grins, leaning closer as you take a huge bite of your sandwich, flipping through the pages, fingers smudging a bit from the crumbs. “Okay, let’s find him,” you say with a determined look, your eyes scanning the faces. You’re on a mission. The guy you like—the quiet, mysterious one you barely ever see talking to anyone—had left gym class one day with another boy. You never saw him smile until that moment. And that moment set you on a quest. 

“Wait!” You stop, finger hovering over a face in the yearbook. You lean in closer. It’s him. The boy who was with the guy you like. “Jake… that’s his name! Rei, that’s him!”

Rei’s eyes widen as she stares at the picture. “So what now?” she whispers, excitement in her voice.

“Now, we find his Instagram.” You both huddle around your phone, searching Jake’s name. A few scrolls later, you find it, click on his profile, and go straight to his following list, fingers crossed, heart racing. 

And then—there he is! The guy you’ve been trying to find for weeks, maybe months, is right there, grinning in his profile photo, holding a peace sign and doing aegyo. You and Rei scream, your excitement echoing across the cafeteria. Everyone’s staring, but you don’t care. After all this time, you’ve found him, you check his name, Park Sunghoon.

“Finally!” Rei laughs, clutching her stomach as she recovers. “He’s so cute! Look at how he's pouting in his picture awwwhhh!!!!!”

You nod, barely able to contain yourself. He’s always been so reserved and alone, never hanging out with anyone—until that day with Jake. And now you’ve got a way to find out more. This journey, all this searching, led you right to him. You can't believe you wrote that letter talking about how you're too shy to ask for his socials and there you are, finding it a week after handing him that letter.

You and Rei are on cloud nine. You both run to the school agora, barely containing yourselves, and collapse into seats, still grinning and squealing over every little detail. 

Rei, not ready to stop, grins and pulls out her phone. “Let’s see if he has a TikTok!” she says, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

A few moments later, she gasps, grabbing your arm. “Oh. My. God.”

“What?” you whisper, leaning in as she clicks on his profile. And right there, at the top of his page, there’s a slideshow video, captioned “Top 1 ways to confess without making things awkward”—in Vietnamese(you both had to translate). You squint, heart pounding, as the first slide comes up.

It’s your letter. The one you slipped on the bus.“Oh my god,” you breathe, covering your mouth as you stare at your handwriting on his screen. There’s a photo of the tiny, folded paper you handed him, with his comment right above it. It’s almost surreal. “He kept it…”

Rei is shaking your arm, eyes wide, practically bursting with excitement. “This is insane! Look at what he wrote!”

You both scream, clutching each other as the full realization hits you. You’re laughing, squealing, and just completely overwhelmed by the moment. You’ve never felt so giddy, your heart racing as everyone in the agora turns to stare. But right now, you couldn’t care less. After all the mystery and excitement, it’s as if the universe gave you the ultimate reward: he noticed, he remembered, and he thought it was amazing.

After all the excitement, you decide to follow him on Instagram. You’re still riding that high from the video he made, and the confidence surge pushes you to hit Follow. Heart pounding, you quickly put your phone down, trying not to overthink it.

Over the next few days, it feels like you’re seeing him everywhere. You’re with your friend Tzuyu in the hallway, talking and laughing, and suddenly—you spot him across the hall. You glance away quickly, but somehow, you keep bumping into him between classes, catching each other’s eye at lunch, or passing by him after gym. It’s almost like the universe is playing matchmaker, making your paths cross just enough to keep you on edge.

After school one day, you’re finally relaxing at home, replaying everything in your mind, when you get a notification. Your heart skips a beat as you see his name on your screen: Park Sunghoon sent you a message.

You open it, holding your breath as you read:

Good evening. I’m sorry to bother you, but are you the girl who gave me a letter?

The formal tone makes you smile. It’s a simple message, polite and careful, but it feels like a small victory. You can hardly believe this is real—he remembers, and he wants to talk.

You stare at the message, fingers hovering over the keyboard, your heart racing as you think of what to say. The moment you’ve been dreaming of is finally here.

You stare at the message, heart pounding, before finally typing, "Yes, I’m sorry if I bothered you with that."

A moment later, he replies: "No, it’s okay. But I have a question…"

Your heart nearly stops. "Do you like me a little bit?" he asks.

Panic sets in. You’re suddenly hyper-aware of how often you’ve been bumping into him, following him on social media, and it feels like your crush is written all over you. But the fear of rejection kicks in, and you decide to play it safe.

“Oh, no! I just wanted to be friends,” you type, trying to sound casual.

After a pause, he replies, "Oh, okay, I’m sorry hahaha. I just wasn’t sure because… I’m not really looking to like anyone right now."

Relief washes over you. You’re grateful you didn’t confess outright—dodging that bullet just saved you from heartbreak. The tension fades, and you decide to keep the conversation going with some small talk, asking him how he’s finding things at your school since he’s new.

He replies with a few polite answers, mentioning how everything is still unfamiliar, but he’s trying to get used to it. He seems a little shy, but you’re both warming up to the conversation, and it’s nice to chat without feeling nervous.

Finally, you end with, “Well, I hope everything goes well for you here!”

He likes your message, and it feels like the perfect note to end on. You close the chat, feeling both relieved and excited—no awkward confessions, no heartbreak, just a friendly connection. It’s enough for now.

It’s been a while since you last messaged Sunghoon. You’ve seen him around here and there, but lately, he’s been a little less present in your day-to-day life, and you can’t help but feel that familiar flutter every time your paths cross. You’ve been thinking about him a lot lately, and the anxiety has been building up. You couldn’t take it anymore. 

It’s 11 PM, and you’re lying in bed, staring at your phone, when you finally decide to send him a message:

“Hey, I have a question. Why did you follow me if you had a feeling I was the letter girl?”

You’re nervous, fingers hovering over the send button. You’re hoping for an answer, but you also don’t know if you’re ready for whatever might come next. You wait, your heart racing.

A few moments pass before he replies:

“Well, I saw you were following my friend Jake, and I guess I figured you might be the one who gave me the letter. I wasn’t sure, but I thought maybe it was worth a shot.”

You freeze for a second, remembering that yes, you did follow Jake after you found his account, thinking it might give you a better chance to get noticed by Sunghoon. You hadn’t mentioned that to him, but now it all makes sense. But before you can reply, your phone buzzes again.

“I’m sorry, but I think we should go back to being strangers again. It’s not your fault. I just, I’m really shy, and I’ve had people do this to me before back in my old country, and I just can’t handle it. You’ll find people who are better for you than I am, ive met alot of people at our school and I know there's better people. I hope we can unfollow each other and act like none of this happened.”

The message hits you like a punch in the gut. Your heart sinks, and you feel the sting of rejection, though he’s not exactly saying no. It’s more like he’s pushing you away for his own reasons—his own fears and insecurities.

Your mind races, unsure of how to respond, before you even go to unfollow as he said, he had already removed you. Part of you wants to reassure him, to tell him that it’s okay, that you understand. But another part of you feels hurt, confused, and unsure what to say next.

You hesitate, staring at his message for a while, before you try to gather your thoughts. But all you can think is that he’s shutting himself off, just like you feared. The shy, reserved guy who never really let anyone in—he’s doing it again. And you’re left wondering if it’s really about you… or if it’s about him. You sent him a few paragraphs back, making sure he understands that you're not upset (when you clearly were) and that you understand, you wished him a good year and that you hope he isn't mad at you for trying to become friends. You couldn't sleep that night, you weren't upset at what he did but rather at yourself, embarrassed how hard you were trying and how stupid you looked following and stalking him everywhere.

The next day, you’re in complete shock. You woke up still feeling the sting of his messages, the rejection lingering in your chest. It feels like a weight that won’t lift, and the emotions hit you all at once. Embarrassment, confusion, sadness, and even a sense of guilt for not understanding him better—it’s a whirlwind inside you. You can’t stop thinking about him and what he said. You wanted things to go differently. You never meant to make him feel uncomfortable. 

By lunch, you're sitting with Rei, and she can see it on your face. She gives you a concerned look as you sit down, trying to keep it together.

“What happened?” she asks gently, sensing something’s off.

Without thinking, you just let it out, the floodgates opening. “I messaged him last night. I asked why he followed me when he already knew I was the letter girl, and... he just kind of shut me down. He said we should be strangers again and that he’s too shy and I’ll find better people than him. He made it sound like it was my fault, like I was doing something wrong.”

Rei’s eyes widen, and she immediately reaches over, pulling you into a hug. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. That’s a lot to take in.”

You break down, tears filling your eyes as you cry into her shoulder. “I just… I don’t want to make him feel bad. I didn’t mean to push him. He’s so shy, and I don’t know how to help him without making him feel even worse.”

Rei rubs your back soothingly. “Hey, listen, it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were just being honest, and sometimes people are just too caught up in their own stuff to see things clearly. You didn’t know he felt that way. It’s not about you.”

You nod, but the guilt still eats at you. You can’t help but feel like maybe you pushed too hard or misread the situation, and now everything feels so awkward. You don’t want to make things worse for him, but you also don’t know how to fix it. He’s clearly struggling with his own fears and shyness, and that makes you feel bad for him, even if it hurts you too.

“I feel so embarrassed, Rei. I just… I thought I could talk to him. I thought maybe we could be friends, but now it’s like he’s pushing me away. I just wanted to know him better…” You sniffle, wiping your tears as if you were crying over someone you were in an actual relationship.

Rei looks at you with a reassuring smile, though it’s clear she feels for you too. “I get it. But you know what? You were brave enough to put yourself out there, and that’s something to be proud of. He’s just got his own stuff going on. It might take time, but if he sees that you’re not going anywhere, maybe he’ll come around. But for now, don’t blame yourself. You did nothing wrong.”

You take a deep breath, nodding through your tears. “I guess... I just feel so bad for him. He’s probably struggling with so much, and I didn’t even know.”

Rei squeezes your hand. “Yeah, but he’s lucky to have someone like you who cares. You just have to give him time. Don’t give up on yourself or on him yet.”

You wipe away the last of your tears, feeling a little better after talking it out. *“Thanks, Rei. I needed that.”*

She grins and pats your back. “Always. And remember, you’ve got this. Whatever happens, don’t let this bring you down.”

You manage a small smile, knowing that it’s not the end. You don’t know what’s going to happen with Sunghoon, but for now, you’ll give him space and try not to overthink it. At least for today, you’re not alone in this.

The excitement you once felt is slowly turning into confusion. You had imagined that things would continue like a scene from a movie—something sweet, maybe a little awkward, but ultimately fun. But the way everything’s been unfolding lately doesn’t match the fantasy you’d built in your head.

You’ve realized that you haven’t seen Sunghoon like you used to. It started with small signs at first. He’d arrive late to the bus station, and you'd notice that the usual place you’d see him was empty. Then it got worse—he stopped coming altogether. You couldn’t help but notice his absence, a dull ache that replaced the excitement you once had when your paths crossed.

Things only got stranger from there. You’d see him around school, but it was like he was avoiding you. You’d catch glimpses of him, but he’d always take a longer route to class or find ways to avoid being near you. It was like he was deliberately keeping his distance. 

And then one day, you saw him in the hall. He was walking toward you, and your heart leapt. You waited for the familiar glance, a smile, or even the awkward moment of eye contact you’d grown used to. But when your eyes met, it wasn’t what you expected. The second he realized it was you, his gaze quickly dropped to his phone. He didn’t even acknowledge you. 

Confused, you looked back as he passed, and when you did, his head jerked up from his phone, as though he was trying to act like nothing had happened. The moment was awkward, uncomfortable, and it felt like everything you had hoped for was slipping away.

It’s hard to describe the feeling. Part of you wanted to scream, demand answers, but the other part of you felt embarrassed, unsure of how to act. Was he avoiding you? Did he regret ever following you back and having that conversation? You couldn’t understand why he was shutting you out so suddenly, especially because you both never spoke, only those small messages, he was doing too much. 

Your mind raced as you tried to piece it together. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that everything had shifted. He’d been polite, distant, and you could feel the walls going up between you two, even though you hadn’t done anything to push him away. All the movie moments—the ones that had once made you feel like something magical was happening—had turned into something awkward, cold, and uncertain.

You wanted to believe this was just a misunderstanding, but deep down, you couldn’t help but feel like you were losing him. And no matter how much you tried to convince yourself that maybe he just needed space, a small part of you couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.

The air is crisp with the Halloween season, and the school is buzzing with excitement as the annual Halloweenogrammes are being sold—a fundraiser where you can send a small bag of candy to someone with a little handwritten note. It feels like a sweet gesture, one that lets you send good vibes without too much fanfare. You can’t help but think of Sunghoon. He’s still on your mind, still lingering in the back of your thoughts, despite everything that’s happened.

You buy one for him, feeling a little hesitant but deciding it’s worth it. You want him to know that it’s okay to be himself, no matter how shy or reserved he might be. You’ve seen how he apologizes for being quiet, how he pulls away because he’s not sure what to do with attention. So, you write the message:

"You should never apologize for being yourself."

You add the little note at the end: "From a stranger." You don’t want to make things awkward or give him any false hope, but you want him to know that someone cares, even if you're supposed to be strangers now.

You wait all week, anticipation building, as the day to distribute the Halloweenogrammes finally arrives. Your heart skips a beat when you hear his name called. You hold your breath, waiting for him to do something, anything. You imagine he’ll smile, or maybe at least acknowledge it. But he doesn’t. The bag of candy sits in his hands as he leaves school, and you get no message, no acknowledgement, not even a glance in your direction. The silence stings more than anything. You were hoping for something, a tiny moment, just to show that it wasn’t all for nothing.

As the days pass, you can’t help but feel the weight of everything. You start to wonder if you misread the situation completely. It feels like he's slipped even further away, and that distance between you is growing more impossible to bridge.

So, you decide to send him one last message. You need closure, or at least an explanation, so you text him:

"Hey, I’ve been noticing you’ve been hiding more, and I feel like I’m making you uncomfortable. The bus situation and the way you’ve been avoiding me, I can’t help but feel like I’m the problem. I just wanted to let you know that I won’t bother you anymore, I won’t go near you again."

Your heart races as you send it, hoping that this will give you some answers, or at least some peace of mind.

A few minutes pass, and then your phone buzzes. His message comes through, and you hold your breath as you open it:

"It's not like I'm taking another bus because it's faster and closer :)"

You blink, rereading his message, confused and unsure what to make of it. He doesn’t mention anything about what you said. No apology, no explanation, just a comment about the bus. And then he adds:

"Don’t think about it too much."

Your mind is spinning. Why now? Why had he suddenly started taking a different bus when it wasn’t necessary? Why hadn’t he just done that before, when things were simpler? Why, when everything between you two was happening, did he choose this route? 

You know the answer, but it doesn’t make sense. He never gave you a reason to stop. It’s not like he suddenly found a quicker way home—he could have taken the same bus before. You knew the stop he would get off at, it was a popular stop which had its location written on other buses. So why, now, when everything with you was starting to build up, did he suddenly choose to go a different way?

It doesn’t make sense. And yet, in some painful way, it feels like the final piece to the puzzle. Everything between you and him—the shy smiles, the awkward moments, the fleeting hope that something could happen—had finally come to an end. He was telling you, in his own quiet way, that he couldn’t handle this anymore, that he couldn’t keep up the connection, not even on a simple bus ride.

His message, though polite, felt like the closing of a door. It wasn’t harsh or cruel, but it wasn’t warm either. It was just… a goodbye without the words.

You close your phone, feeling the weight of everything settle in your chest. It’s over now, and you’re left with the quiet, final reality of it all. The movie moments you imagined for so long were never going to happen. And the silence, the distance, the unanswered questions—they’ll be the things you carry with you from here on out.

💌 Comments and reblogs are apreciated! 💌

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

the thing about Getting Involved In Your Community is i think, based on my own experience, it’s easy to think of it as an “eating your vegetables” type thing that you know you should do, or feel like you’re supposed to do, because it’s Good and Right. you want to be the kind of person who does it. and perhaps as a result times like these filled with people talking about Getting Involved In Your Community can feel like a lot of pressure in an already stressful time. like a call to do more when it feels like you’re already doing all you can. and i am not interested in arguing with anyone’s assessment of their own lives in that regard. but i do just want to say because i have not seen this expressed a lot and i think it’s worth hearing if you haven’t that volunteering and getting involved in my community has been maybe the best thing i have ever done for myself on a completely selfish level as measured solely by its impact on my own personal mental health and quality of life. i didn’t know that was going to be true before i did it and maybe it isn’t true for everyone. but for me and i have to believe for at least some other people who haven’t had a chance to learn this wonderful news yet, it is just unparalleled in terms of effort expended for good feelings created for me to feel in my own head. (and fwiw this was also true like almost immediately even before i found the sort of “niche” i have settled into with its attendant routine and social circle lol. like the first time i did a grocery delivery route during lockdown i felt like i had taken a party drug.) i am not telling you to eat your vegetables, i am cheerfully and without pressure or judgment recommending a restaurant i like a lot and strongly suggesting you get the roast broccoli as a side because it’s one of the best things i’ve ever tasted. the fiber and vitamins are just a bonus wholly irrelevant to the reasons you should order it. up to you! we all have our Things and preferences! but, yknow, i just think it’s a natural human tendency that if something is Good it’s probably also not, like, good, iykwim, but some things, like roast broccoli, are both! and i would just hate for anyone to miss out on learning they love roast broccoli because they’re assuming it can’t be good for you and also rock.

[redtoondevils]

Here it is. My evaluation, of Sun that I am defending from FNAF Security Breach, and the other games he appeared in.

I feel like these points are being overlooked. What I think about how there's characters, along with different forms.

Are so easily perceived as, in one thing or another. I also defend Eclipse too, it's just because they hold both of the personalities into them. I think, it would not make sense for Eclipse to turn against Cassie, after being thankful.

Eclipse has a soft side for kids, and is honestly looking forward into meeting them. Even though sadly, they don't know in an unclear way.

However, he isn't the animatronic to harm kids. He'd never EVER hurt Cassie! That is not his goal. I do think, they'd want to find answers, in their story line. For now, that can wait.

-------------------------------------------------------

I have my key points, as to appose to why I don't view him, as a 'Villain.' the same can apply to Eclipse. Despite being a flaw character.

So, it is already known, that for all 3 forms. The first 2 of the ones sharing this, are very complex characters.

Their history is complicated, along with that with their attributes. With what they decide to do. That impacts, them and can often at times be very challenging for them. When they try to survive.

Even more for what they are seen, they do have some sympathic moments seen, that are part of their development.

It is confirmed, that their personalities more connected other than sharing one body.

One personality can seemingly communicate with the other. They can share their thoughts, feelings, and pain.

That is a very deep character concept, and it has been at times been emotional.

------------------------------------------------------

Sun, in my opinion, is the one who is protecting the other personalities. From harm, and exposure from anything.

This is shown a few times. With that in return, he finds stressful.

Because of that, there is a lot, an awful lot with what he has to endure at times. It came to that point, where he had to 'sacrifice' himself.

When, he wanted to become Eclipse he did that in order to fix Moon, and save him from destruction.

There are other times, where his actions were selfless, and having kindness to protect the main character from harms way.

He doesn't do that, a lot. Whenever he does, that makes me hopeful, in future games that he can be trusted. And he can be your friend.

------------------------------------------------------

In the main game, he kind of appears as a 'Mild antagonist' towards Gregory.

He could not keep the kid in the spot he placed him in, when he didn't listen to him, he felt disrespected. And kicked him out.

His priorities, are very strict. Another reason, for what is speculated, is that the hour was nearly up.

He has the tendency of not allowing the main player to return, or go through to the next location. That is no answer as of yet, why he does this.

I think my theory, is that he keeps you from going there, because there is a ride over at the kids cove, that is broken. And he felt like he had to take those matters, by his own hands.

------------------------------------

There is a section, in the news papers, that has history behind the animatronics. And say's that the daycare attendant has been scaring kids.

The news reports, do not fully reveal the full truth to the stories.

It say's what happened, yet it is still unclear with what really happened. I'm going to say my version of this.

And start off by saying, because there is a lot of people that uses this to materialize the animatronics.

When Monty was reported to have used a bowling bowl to smash Bonnie in his skull, and shutting him down. Assuming that he did that because, he was jealous? It sounds way too extreme.

Monty, in game, appeared as a rogue crocodile that has an explosive temper. Yet, then on the walls, his cartoon self looks much more calmer. And a friendly guy.

Then the attendants report, it say's that a young child was crying, because he was traumatized by both of the forms.

And was given overwhelming anxiety that gave him night terrors.

In my personal take, is that Sun has a harsh interior, I don't want to believe that he deliberately tormented the kid.

I think, that when Sun first appeared towards Gregory, that he would step into his space, and circle around him, to get his attention.

For a young kid, some of them may even find his behaviors intimidating, and intense.

It could be at some point, that he gotten a bit too rough with him.

That seems like from the kids perspective, that he found Sun too energetic. I think he isn't a cruel animatronic. He is harsh, I don't think he's cruel.

However, when he turned into Moon. It is apparent that, he found him too scary.

Then after that incident, and when the attendant heard the reports, is when he felt guilty for doing that.

--------------------------------------

In Ruin, and with a small sequence in HW2. Ruin Sun, meets Cassie once again, and greets her with "New Friend!"

That line makes me believe that he knows Cassie. Because, he said that in a chirpy welcoming, yet relieved greeting. Towards kids.

When that part in the Jumpscare, where Moon attacks her there is a brief moment, where Sun actually did try to refrain himself from attacking her, but sadly couldn't.

The animation where he was afraid, and hiding under the desk having a panic attack being exposed to trauma. DID is associated with experience to trauma, since they were in such physical pain.

He purposely pulls himself away from inflicting harm, or other abuse onto an employee.

That is very considerate, and kindly of him to do that. That is why, I don't think he should be considered as a villain.

Because of how complex he is, his characteristics goes around in many grey coatings that doesn't go too dark.

[thewonderfulwizardofwords]

For some additional context, the Institute of Museum and Library Services (IMLS) is the primary funding mechanism for libraries on a national level. It distributes grants to State Libraries (every state has one, though it may not be called exactly that) who then distribute that money further to individual libraries in their states. It's a federal entity that has to be reauthorized every year or that huge chunk of funding goes away, and every year of the first Trump administration the fight for reauthorization was a white-knuckle event. We got it through by the skin of our teeth each year, but it was harrowing.

Libraries are mentioned on page one of Project 2025's Mandate for Leadership (the big book of horrible policy plans). Choosing not to reauthorize the IMLS will be an easy way for the incoming administration to gut library services nationwide, especially in small communities that don't have a thriving donor base to fill those budget gaps. They'll be able to stop the "porn peddlers" and "groomers" at the cost of vital services to those communities.

One of the best tools we have to try and avoid that outcome is to prove, definitively, that libraries matter by presenting robust use statistics. Checking out books, using library spaces, attending library programs, all of that gets captured and reported to the IMLS each year. They're imperfect measures of the value the library provides to the community, but they're what we have.

At the local level it's going to be just as, if not more important to educate the community about what the library does. Your local governing authorities aren't going to be persuaded by the librarian alone, but they can be persuaded by vocal community support. That will also inoculate your community against "grassroots" attempts to shut the library down, like almost happened in Dayton, Washington in 2023.

To bring it back around to OP's original point, the imperfect nature of the stats gathered can work in libraries' favor on both fronts. It might actually be detrimental to present record-breaking circulation numbers for queer titles to the incoming administration, but the IMLS doesn't collect that level of detail. Any book you check out adds to the bottom line total that gets reported, queer or not. At the local level librarians have more control over the stories they tell with their data. If you're in a progressive community, they can be open with those more granular numbers as a way to underscore their importance as a resource to queer community. If you're in a conservative community they can lean on the bigger picture to show the impact on everyone, while knowing internally what materials are actually circulating and how best to curate the collection to serve their patrons.

I'm already seeing advice from people in the US to purchase queer books and other banned or "controversial" books on paper as a way to combat the wave of government censorship that is coming. While this is a good idea (it is! absolutely!), it's not accessible to everyone, and truly, we're not going to be able to consumerism our way out of this one.

If you can buy the books, do. Whether you can buy the books or not, borrow them from your library.

Borrow the paper versions. Borrow the ebook or audiobook versions. Request the titles you want that your library doesn't have. The more a title circulates or is requested, the better librarians are going to be able to defend keeping it if and when it's ever challenged.

Use libraries like @queerliblib too. The more members they have, the better they'll be able to fundraise.

Your community resources depend on you using them. Borrow the books before they go away.

InB4: Piracy is not the solution here. We're trying to keep community resources available, not make sure individual people can read individual books. Different problems.

The books are still available. Borrowing them from your library and returning them on time and in good condition will help keep them that way.

[applepie2523]

" HOTD's Issues Writing Women Part 1: The Character Assassination of Alicent Hightower

**Just posted part 2 where I analyze the issues in the writing of Rhaenyra! You can find it on my profile.**

**This is part 1 of my analysis on the issues with the two main female characters of HOTD.** I think many fans on the Blacks and Greens and in between regarding HOTD have been concerned and disappointed with the way the two main female characters: Rhaenyra Targaryen and Alicent Hightower have been written in HOTD seasons 1-2. This is very understandable. Female characters in general in HOTD and I think a lot of Hollywood films nowadays are not being written as well as they used to be and could be. Go on Youtube or Google and you'll find many film reviews/tv show reviews that critique the Mary Sue and Girlbossification or just poorly written in general female characters that are taking up a chunk of characters in Hollywood. Rhaenyra and Alicent to me were such great characters in F&B. They were two different kinds of medieval women in a fantasy setting. One, the medieval queen who gains power/influence through her relationship with men and advocating for her son. Two, the medieval queen who sought power in her name and defied some norms that make her compelling but also immoral in their eyes. They are two deeply flawed and complex characters fighting on opposite sides of a dynastic civil war.

This first post is my analysis on the issues of writing Alicent Hightower in HOTD.

\***Some disclaimers: This is no issue with the actress herself. Olivia Cooke while I may disagree with her opinions from time to time, is a wonderful actress who is doing the best she can with the scripts she's given, so this is by no means a critique of her. I am going off of the show canon although the book will be mentioned.**

**So firstly... What is character assassination?**

While Alicent does at times suffer from white washing, she mainly suffers from character assassination. Character assassination is very sudden and almost inorganic changes are made to a character that makes them even worse; harming that character's impact and reputation. Many negative traits or changes have been made to Alicent's character that she is become completely different from her season 1 self (in a bad way) and her book counterpart.

**I will say not every change made to Alicent's story arc and personality are necessarily all bad. Some are decent or even good ideas, just poorly executed (ex - aging down Alicent) and others are just good changes in general.**

*1. Victims vs. Villains - Biases in Writing Female Characters*

In the words of the iconic Grey's Anatomy actress Ellen Pompeo, “Women are one of two roles. You’re either the victim or the villain. But the victims are only victims because they don’t have what it takes to be the villain.” I think she states the major issue with writing female characters nowadays that HOTD has an issue with. Women must either be victims or villains. The character assassination of Alicent and white washing of Rhaenyra to me stems from this: Alicent is the villain in Rhaenyra's story to Rhaenyra's victimhood.

*2. Alicent's Negative Portrayal: Motherhood, Loyalty, and Manipulation to Child Neglect, Betrayal, and Idiocracy*

In the show, I feel much of Alicent's traits have either been changed, ignored or downplayed. Alicent I think was the epitome of the medieval woman who used the patriarchal system to her own advantage. Who sought power for herself and her family/house through manipulating/influencing the men around her. The men also respected her to a much larger degree than the show implies, she isn't dismissed because she's a woman so much. While I do think in the show Aemond dismisses her from the council because he just didn't want his mommy scolding him in front of everyone, I think the show framed it more so to make it seem Alicent is dimissed due to sexism and "that's what she gets for betraying feminism" or something like that. Something about her learning that the patriarchy and siding with it is bad.

I found Book Alicent reminding me of Margaret Beaufort. She was the mother of King Henry VII, who advocated for him to be King, despite herself off of blood ties alone having the better claim to the throne than him. She manipulated men and women around her to gain supporters and more influence for him and by extension herself. She was fiercely loyal to her faction, the Lancastrians and Tudors. Strong and intelligent and pious and at times very immoral. Loved her son more than anything in her life. She even played the long game, playing nice but still subtly undermining the "enemy faction" (The Yorks). She also understood that because of his claim, despite being slightly distant, was strong enough for him to be a danger to the York faction hence she knew he had to get one the throne in order to be safe versus just renouncing his claim (like Aegon). She never stopped advising him or advocating for him. While Alicent Hightower isn't exactly like Margaret Beaufort, they exhibit many similarities.

Alicent loved her boys and would never choose Rhaenyra over them. For example, after her life was sparred when Rhaenyra took Kingslanding and her father was executed... she found out Rhaenyra planned to go after Daeron and Aemond. Alicent begged for them to be sparred, even offering a truce where the kingdoms would be split between Aegon II and Rhaenyra. She even states to Rhaenyra after surrending that Rhaenyra may enjoy her throne for as long as it lasts, until her son Aemond sets her free. She loved her Aemond and had so much hope that he would rescue her and avenge their family. She loved Aegon so much that his murder was her straw on the camel's back and she descended into full-on madness, spending the rest of her days mourning her children and grandchildren and remembering her time with King Jaehaerys. She was so loyal to her faction that in her madness after losing all of her children, she ordered her granddaughter then Queen Jaehaera, child-wife to child-king Aegon III (Rhaenyra's son) to slit her child-husband's throat. She stayed loyal to the Greens for life.

In the show we get neither an intelligent, scheming, manipulative, deeply ambitious, loyal, or mothering Alicent. In fact we get an exact opposite: bystander, unintelligent, unambitious, flaky, betrayer, and neglectful. Alicent didn't scheme herself to become Queen, rather that whole plot was taken away from her and placed fully onto Otto who is now nothing but a pimp when he is like any other self-serving ambitious lord who desires glory and power to his name and that of his house. Who does what any other lord of Westeros would do if a King is widowed with no male heir. I mean even Corlys did it with Laena! We hardly see Alicent begin her true influence on the court in Westeros while young in season 1 and older. When we do see her scheme, its through her degrading herself through medieval foot fetishes when she would never do that. Why couldn't Alicent scheme and manipulate using her words, threats, and her title like Rhaenyra should be doing in the books? Why must the few times we see her scheme include sexual humiliation. We don't see the Queenship of Alicent who wasn't just "baby-maker 2.0" but someone who had significant power and influence at court. The only time I feel I got a true hint of the power of book Alicent was when she wore Green the first time. But then they abandon her resolve and make her a Rhaenyra simp.

Alicent's desire for power and for her children safety is also downgraded. She only makes Aegon king because of a stupid prophecy, taking away more of her agency and intelligence. She schemes alongside her father and the Green council to put Aegon on the throne, not just mishears her dying husband and then goes along with it. She wasn't shut out by the men in her house and council, she was heard and respected. They took away so much of that I think to put out a message that Alicent is oppressed by the patriarchy. Was she in the book? Absolutely every woman in Westeros is to varying degrees, but that doesn't mean Alicent had no power! Alicent was motivated out of a desire for power and need to keep her children safe which she felt wouldn't have happened if Rhaenyra was Queen. Was she wrong for thinking that? Maybe, maybe not, but I feel like that was taken away.

I also dislike how they spit on her motherhood. Alicent by our standards was not mom of the year in F&B. However, we see that regardless of her wrongs and the fact that yes she loves her kids because of the power they grant her, that no matter what she would never choos Rhaenyra over them and loved them regardless of how they disappoint or anger her. That's what I loved about parenthood in Martin's work. We see how parenthood offers layers into the characters and gives them depth. Characters who are naturally seen as more villainous and/or violent or ambitious are given softer sides and layers through their fatherhood or motherhood. We should have seen some of that with Daemon and with Alicent. We saw it with Cersei Lannister. Cersei was not mother of the year in terms of her parenting and child rearing skills, but she loved her children more than life itself and makes it not secret. No matter how much they may anger or disappoint her she'd never betray them. That's what I wanted for Alicent. A manipuative, at times immoral, ambitious, and intelligent woman whose softer side is shown through her motherhood and devotion to her children. It gives her layers. Just as if they showed Daemon taking pride in his sons or spending more time with his daughters, we would have gotten more layers.

Instead, Alicent neglect and is emotionally distant towards all of her children to the point they have serious mommy issues. The Green children already had a complicated relationship with their father. Viserys wasn't as neglectful in the book to his green children as the show, but there was an intense favoritism of Rhaenyra that affected his kids. However, they all at least had their mother who would put them first. Alicent was cold and distant and downright hateful towards her sons at times and distant from her daughter and grandchildren. Her kids then hardly like her in return. Alicent even betrays all of them by going to Rhaenyra and essentially offering up their lives. Offering the life of her son Aegon isn't enough and anyone would know it. Rebellion at this point and war and Green forces would then go to Aemond who will now also have to die, then Daeron the son she gushed over with Gwayne. So she then offers up her house, father, and three sons to Rhaenyra's faction's mercy which wouldn't end well for them as this is war at that point and it would stupid of Rhaenyra to spare any of them even if they swear fealty. She saves Helaena and Jaehaera? No! They are still of the green faction. If Helaena remarried and/or Jaehaera married and had sons, all it takes is either those sons or their families to be ambitious enough... more war! Alicent as well had a great relationship with her grandchildren. She loved to spend time with them. In fact, the night Viserys died he played with Jaehaera, Jaehaerys, and Maelor. Alicent was ambushed and victimized by B&C first because they knew that Helaena brought her children to visit her in the evening. Plus she was living in the less guarded Tower of the Hand. Alicent was bound and gagged, pleading for mercy for her grandbabies, not having an affair! In fact, Aegon even gave Maelor to Alicent to raise correctly because Helaena was falling in madness.

Most of all, I dislike the Criston affair. It went very off-book to give Alicent a lover. However, with what they changed in her relationship with Viserys, I didn't fully hate this change, just the way they executed it was wrong. I could buy Alicent and Criston having intense, deep, feelings for one another. However, I felt having a physical affair versus just an emotional one was very off-character. After Criston's incident with Rhaenyra and Alicent's trauma regarding marital rape on Viserys's end (hated that they made Viserys rape her maritally when the two had a much better and loving relationship in the book), it makes more sense for them to be rather traumatized or awkward regarding sex. I feel like an emotional affair where there is a lot of sexual tension and desire for more but because of social circumstances, they can't have more. Maybe romantic and heavy kissing scenes only to stop out of guilt and shame. They make her so hypocritical by giving her a physical affair. I feel book and show Alicent is pious for sex outside of marriage due to her upbringing and love for the Faith (she's not a religious fanatic, just someone who finds comfort and control in religion). They could have also used such scenes to showcase even more conflict between the factions. Alicent and Criston could be resentful of the fact Rhaenyra was able to be with whomever she wanted while Alicent cannot. Alicent whom is Dowager Queen is far too above Criston whom is also a Kingsguard and bound to celibacy. Plus, they always make her sex scenes be as unromantic and poorly timed as possible. Yes, Rhaenyra and Daemon having sex on a beach the night of the latter's wife's funeral is poor timing but because of the actor chemistry, romantic music, and tender movements and choreography it feels very romantic and loving. We don't get any of that. Alicent and Criston's feelings (which may not be love, but most certainly are hinted in season 1 to be a deep trust, understanding, and affection) are cheapened and made to be almost like two people scratching an itch versus two people who have genuine trust and affection for one another. They never show any tender aftermath with their love scenes, no soft hugs or cuddles or caresses. They never use any romantic settings or music (unlike for Criston and Rhaenyra's scene which was nothing more but a one-night-stand) and they showed it right after B&C of all things!

Almost all of these changes assassinated Alicent's character, made her less compelling, more unlikable, and untrue to her book self. They tried to create an Alicent whose story was victimized by sexist maesters and only created a character who is neither likable nor true to the narratives Martin creates.

*3. Women Must Stick Together? Fight the Patriarchy in Westeros?*

I've been asking myself... **why did Condal and the HOTD writers choose to go completely off book and have the two other main women, Helaena and Alicent, choose to abandon the Greens in favor of Rhaenyra and her faction?** I mean this is a change that is 100% off book and in major disservice to the original narrative. By surrendering to Rhaenyra, Alicent is essentially offering up the lives of her father, lover, house, supporters, and all three of her sons to the mercy of the Black faction which isn't exactly a merciful faction. I would be just as appalled if Rhaenyra or Daemon surrendered themselves, their children, and supporters to the Greens at this point in the story.

Then, the story became clearer when I watched Condal reviewing the scene with Alicent and Rhaenyra where he says it just all comes down to these women. That's when it became clear to me! Condal wanted to show a story of two medieval women and medieval system: one who seemingly opposes the evil patriarchy, and one who submits to it. He wanted a story centered on two women who were friends but were torn apart by evil men and the patriarchy who have to come together in the end. He wanted a story that sort of relates more so to 21st century feminism. He wanted a story where the women have to get together at the end which is Helaena, Jaehaera, and Alicent, the remaining main women not aligned with the Blacks defect to Rhaenyra's side. It's not bad to want such a story! If written well, that kind of story can be good. However, the issue is he doesn't choose to write his own story in his own fantasy world. No! The HOTD team picks F&B which is not that kind of story to write a poorly written fanfiction. It's a disservice to any fans of GOT, ASOIAF, F&B, or anyone who just wants faithful adaption or a good show. It doesn't fit with the narratives and themes of Martin's work. It doesn't fit with the original story.

The original story of the Dance was the story in which a dynastic civil war between two factions of the same royal family fueled by revenge, anger, resentment, fear of the opposing side, and ultimately a desire for power and control of Westeros tore themselves apart resulting in the destruction of the main source of their power that they never fully recover from that is step one towards them being overthrown. It is the story of the death of the last of Valyria's magic: the dragons. It is a story about how the central theme that connects every character in Martin's Westeros: ambition and desire for power, changes and destroys people when they pursue it. It is a story where two morally ambiguous factions backing two morally ambiguous claimants dividing the realm; believing their own side to be right when both sides are both right and wrong. It is a story that should center Rhaenyra AND Aegon with all their supporters, everyone getting equal screen time and perspective with a special focus on Rhaenyra and Aegon. It is a story about a realistic medieval conflict in an unrealistic world. It's a story about how the violent petty conflicts within a too-powerful royal dynasty in sole control of their world's equivalent to nuclear bombs ultimately effects and harms the nobles and smallfolk caught in between.

This is the story we should have had and this is the story that Martin sought to create that fans were expecting. The kind of story Condal wanted to create with his team is not congruent with the centrality of Martin's themes. Could feminism been included? Perhaps! I mean this is a medieval setting that 100% oppresses women and everyone who watched GOT or read ASOIAF knows it. Sexism and misogny certainly relates to the story, but it should not be the central focus. This kind of theme and focus was not executed and implemented properly, resulting in very negative changes.

It is also must be noted that the writers should have analyzed and understood the characters primarily through a medieval lens of Westeros versus just analyzing via modern 21st century pro feminism lens. It's fine to analyze Westeros using modern beliefs and terms, as long as, you couple it with a whole lot of understanding and analysis from their persepctive, otherwise you won't get the full picture. Like nearly every medieval woman of power in Medieval England, Rhaenyra and Alicent are not feminists by our standards and are not advocating for women's rights. In part 2 where I focus on Rhaenyra's whitewashing, I will talk about how she in many ways like Alicent gains power from, submits to, and operates within the patriarchal system like most medieval women.

*4. Too Much Focus on the "Friendship of These Women"*

I think the aging down of Alicent (she and Viserys actually had an 11 year gap versus decades) was intially a decent idea. However, the issue that character assassinated Alicent is that they executed it poorly. In the book, Rhaenyra is still a child when Viserys marries Alicent. In fact, as I mentioned earlier, her and Viserys had a very warm marriage. Arguably, I would say he loved her more than Aemma, but he did care for Aemma and felt guilty for her death. Alicent being aged down was to establish the complicated, deep, and almost secretly romantic friendship with Rhaenyra versus Laena Velaryon.

I didn't intially hate this change, but like I said, it's the execution of this change that made it bad. I wouldn't have minded Alicent reluctantly going to seduce Viserys after Aemma died, after all it was on her father Otto's orders, not did I mind Rhaenyra having a problem with this marriage. Ultimately, Alicent and Rhaenyra each had a competition and they wanted to be the chief first lady of the Realm in the book. They each respectively wanted to be the most powerful woman in Westeros and most important to Viserys as he is where their power stemmed from. I think we should have seen the days leading up to as well as the wedding itself. What the writers should have done to portray a more book-accurate Alicent and real conflict between the women isn't just make Rhaenyra resentful but still loving deep down to Alicent.

They could have had Alicent transition to her more book self; an ambitious, intelligent, scheming woman despite being aged down. Instead of having Viserys just choose her out of grief for Aemma, have him choose her out of genuine affection and perhaps even lust/love as I interpreted in the F&B. They could have kept Alicent unwillingly seducing Viserys and reluctantly marrying him, beginning the tension on Rhaenyra's end. However, after their wedding and after she gives birth to her son Aegon, they begin to slowly transition her to her book self especially after its clear that Rhaenyra is remaining heir. They could have created true and book-accurate conflict if they made their Alicent begin to enjoy Queenhood a little too much (as power changes and corrupts people) and beginning to have more and more influence over Viserys (as her relationship with Viserys in the book wasn't nearly as creepy or neglectful. In fact I think book Viserys may have loved Alicent more than Aemma, but still wanted Aemma's blood on the throne out of guilt). He chose Alicent regardless of better political choices or the protest of his council. They could have had Alicent and Rhaenyra beginning to compete for the attention of and influence on Viserys, Alicent subtly advocating for her newborn son to be named heir, Alicent enjoying her Queenhood and the power that comes from it, and leading to the real souring of her and Rhaenyra's relationship: both competing to be the most powerful woman in Westeros. The Crown Princess vs. the Queen. This way they still started off with the friendship, but Alicent's budding relationship with Viserys and birth of her children giving her more power as Queen making her relationship with Rhaenyra sour. Essentially, as Alicent continues to rise in power and bask in Viserys's attention/affection and enjoy her newfound role/power as Queen, real conflict and competition between her and Rhaenyra would show.

We'd have the competition, tension, and anger that gradually built up to help foster the eventual war either way as well as a chance to show the real political intrigue characteristic of GOT. However, for the sake of friendship and the false narrative Condal wanted to create, we don't get what I suggested that would have been the proper way to execute Alicent's aging down and friendship with Rhaenyra. Alicent can't truly and fully enjoy her Queenhood, take advantage of her power fully to its extent, or have relationship with Viserys. She can't be ambitious or compete with Rhaenyra. She has to have this complicated friendship, advocate for Rhaenyra while she was still young, be thankful of Rhaenyra's "compliments" at the dinner and even continue advocate after her children's birth to her father that Rhaenyra is the heir and only want Aegon to be heir out of just fear and her father's manipulation, rather than desiring power and believing Aegon to be the rightful heir. They have to have her say 'Rhaenyra will be a great Queen' and stuff like that.

Of course, Book Alicent advised with Queen Helaena for Aegon to send generous peace terms to Rhaenyra, but it wasn't out of love for her stepdaughter or "friend" in this show.. but because she didn't want her to son be labeled a kinslayer just yet as that would forever damage his image and he would be seen as cursed.We get scenes after scenes of their weird friendship dynamic all the way up till Alicent going Black. Scenes that ultimately distract and take away from the narrative. In fact, we should see more anger and resentment between these women that is taken away in favor of this friendship. For example, peace may have occurred between the warring factions early on when Aegon sent those peace terms. However, once Aemond murders Lucerys and then Daemon sends B&C who murder Jaehaerys in retaliation, any hesitation towards war and any lingering affection the factions and two women must have harbored for one another should be gone! Luke and Jaehaerys's murders highlighting two innocent lives lost on either side were the breaking point that put the Greens and Blacks at full on war. They were points of no return. However, not only do we see Rhaenyra never be outwardly angry and resentful of Alicent when they finally do reunite, but Alicent defects to the side who murdered her grandson. We see Rhaenyra grieve her loss, but we don't ever see it again after that one episode nor her anger and resentment and vengefulness that should come afterwards. We don't see Alicent grieve her grandson who was supposed to be murdered in front of her. Instead, the women are still complicated friends who don't even seem that angry at each other.

**My Takeaway? The Writers are Biased and Fail to Understand the Medieval Context of Westeros and Martin's Female Characters**

I love that Martin tries to write his women the way he writes his men. He has explicitly stated that he writes his women the way he writes his men. He states that women are people too. They can be driven by the same things men are in Westeros and/or the real world: love, anger, hatred, a desire for power, vengeance, grief, guilt, bringing glory to their name and themselves, a desire to protect their family, etc.

I felt we should have seen more of the kind of women that Martin writes. The kind of women that fit with his medieval-fantasy narrative that showcases how pursuing power at all costs leads to nothing but ruin. We should have seen layered women. We should have seen a more book-accurate Alicent. We shouldn't have to settle for a lackluster story where Alicent nowhere close to her book counterpart.

**And most of all, the HOTD team shouldn't subtly or outwardly bash the original source material as nothing but sexist propaganda to excuse the lackluster writing of the female characters being nothing like their book counterparts or subtly or outwardly write off critics and fans like myself as toxic for pointing it out.**

**Stay tuned for my part 2 of this post where I examine writing flaws and white washing of Rhaenyra Targaryen!** "

[goldsnek]

So, I saw the question about tips for aspiring comic artists and it actually reminded me that I am curious about the topic as well😅

I like to write stories and I like to draw so it seemed logically for me to try my hand at comics as well but I'm struggling extremely with the layout.

It's seems very daunting when you sit in front of the empty page and you have to consider how to arrange the panels.

I'm the kind of artist that sometimes does big changes to almost finished works, so the idea of having to make a final decision before I even start with the actual drawing process, is kind of terrifying for me.

Long story short, how do you put your drawings into panels?

Do you really have to make a final panel layout at the beginning, the way I've been attempting to, or are there other possibilities I simply haven't thought of?

Last but not least, I want you to know that I absolutely love your comic, both because of your spectacular art and the amazing story! ❤️

Hello! Okay this is going to be long but I'll try my best to explain and be concise (and truly sorry for the english!) So, the first rule you need to have in mind is that you don't imagine the scene PER PAGE but PER SEQUENCE. What I mean is, you don't have to imagine a comic (like ''what I'm putting in this page'') but you have to imagine it as a video in your head, like you're directing a movie ( movies and comics are a lot more similar than we think as a media) For example, try to imagine someone waking up and going to open their window, that's a full sequence. it can be done in various ways, depending on what your character is doing and what's the ''mood'' of the scene. Remember always that your character emotions sets the mood for the entire scene. A thing that helps me a lot is ( like I said XD) watching movies, I focus on the mini sequences, a kiss scene, a fight, I pause the movie and rewatch that scenes various times, trying to understand the mood of the scene and how is shot. A sequence can even take 3 or 4 pages or even 10, it depends from whats happening, even more if it's a fight! But like I said the number of pages comes later. another importart thing to remember is that your characters needs ''a place to live'' If you make a story and never show a single panel with a background, the story is gonna lack something 100%; and I know... backgrounds are hard (I hate them) but you need at least 1 panel where you show the places your characters are living in. That is called establishing shot and it needs to be used when your character are moving to other locations. (or if you're talking about other characters in your comic and they are somewhere else) I'll show u some establishing shots now:

Took 3 different comics (narratively and stylistic speaking) Bone, Batman and TinTin to show you that even if the setting of the panels is extremely different, they still all have an establishing shot. Now, of course you don't have to put this in EVERY page, but like I said at least at the start of your comic, or when the characters are moving somewhere else, it's very important to show that. Also remember that the biggest panel you need to have in your sequence is the one where the most important action is happening. For example, if two people are fighting and someone gets slapped, that's the most impactful scene, so that's the scene that will need the biggest panel on your sequence, because it's the most important. Another rule is to make the camera breathe. Let me explain this properly, you, as a comic artist, are like a movie director with a camera. You need to turn the camera in various ways, up and down left and right, but always remember this : Never make a page of faces only. example, here are character A and B having a conversation, a page like this is extremely wrong, because the camera is basically attached to the character face and the viewer/reader is going to feel like they're suffocating in the room with the story characters :

You as an artist have the power to zoom the camera in and out, showing extremely tiny details or making a big panel that shows how Idk... beautiful or eerie or mysterious the background is. The biggest advice I can give you is to read a lot of comics, try to find series you love and study them, see how they make the panels, how the sequence are shown etc. The last rule (there are a lot more so if you have more specific questions just ask) I can give you and this is about your question in specific is that: Yes. Unfortunately you have to make the structure first and that has to be your final decision, if you make a 10 pages comic for example and you decide you don't like some stuff anymore and decide to change all the pages, you're just gonna end up in a endless cycle of always fixing and fixing and never be satisfied. Remeber this: The sketches and layout of the pages are the MOST important thing in a comic. The coloring, lineart, etc... it's just decoration. So hang on and start making layouts, and focus only on those for a period of time and then when you're 100% satisfied with the structure, you go and start adding the ''decorations'' Hope this helps! I'm not very good at explaining , especially in another language, but I tried my best XD

[biblicallyaccuratebrainrot]

Genuine

Gravity Falls x Male!Reader (platonic)

You opened up shop in Gravity Falls to sell your assortment of odd and strange items! It seems your genuine items of weird are overshadowed by the fake and plastic items of The Mystery Shack, sparking a competition between you and old man Stan Pines.

CW: Bickering, name-calling, not proof-read

"This is a hack!" "What a sham!" "It doesn't even look real!"

These words had an impact when you first opened up shop. Now, those words were the norm. You scoffed and rolled your eyes as the people insulted you, your products, and then left. You had the occasional pleasant interaction.

The occasional purchase. Those few times a regular supernatural believer came in to buy something were enough for you to want to keep the shop open. You didn't have employees, you didn't have a mortgage, and you didn't have a lot of expenses.

Most of all, there was one man you stayed open for. Mostly out of spite. "Stan Pines," you grumble at the old man in front of you in line. "Buying more glue and tape to put your fake product together?"

Stan turned around and stared with a blank look. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

"Seriously?" You scoff. "We've met several times over the past 30 years-- stop pretending you don't know me,"

"Oh!" Stan laughed. "You're the weirdo with the weirdo shop down weirdo lane,"

"Real mature," you comment sarcastically. "With a personality like that, it's no wonder people flock to your Mystery Hack,"

"Yeah, maybe you should take some notes," Stan taunted. "I could show you how to get actual customers-- but it'll cost ya... five-- no, ten bucks,"

"I may be the weirdo but you're demented,"

"Demented and making money,"

You nod. "I hate you,"

"Get in line," Stan chuckled. "You aren't the first and certainly won't be the last,"

"Can you say the same about making friends?"

Stan opened his mouth and furrowed his brows aggressively. "Next!" The cashier interrupted.

Stan grumbled and placed his items on the belt. You smirk and place your items behind his. Another battle won.

It wasn't a goal to put the Man of Mystery out of business. All you wanted was to do better than him, really. It didn't start out that way, though.

The door to your shop rung-- causing you to shoot up from your seat and crash into your counter to face the doors. You furrowed your brows and your eyes slowly looked down at the short figures that had entered.

"Uh? Are you kids lost? This isn't an arcade," you explain to the two.

"This is Mr. [Y/LN]'s Occult Shop, right?" The boy asked, looking around nervously.

You nod. "Yeah," you respond. "You two new? I never seen you around,"

"We're here for the summer!" The girl excitedly explained, a wild smile on her face. "Your shop is so cool!"

You chuckle. "Thanks,"

"We aren't really here to buy anything." The boy approached the counter, holding a tattered book. "We were wondering if you knew anything about this journal? I-- I found it in the woods and it's got a lot of weird stuff,"

He set the book on the counter. You stare at the emblem on the cover-- a six-fingered hand with a large '3' drawn in the centre. You hum and gently pick it up and examine it.

"I've never seen anything like it," you say. "It does document a lot of truth, it seems,"

You flipped through the pages, noting the familiar creatures. "You know about the weirdness in Gravity Falls?" The boy stared, wide-eyed.

You set the book down and laugh. "Look around, kid." You motion around your shop. "I sell most of the weirdness. And it's real! Unlike that junk at The Mystery Hack,"

"Hey!" The girl pulled herself up to the counter, a frown and furrowed brows now plastered to her face instead. "Our Grunkle runs that place!"

You squint. "Pines," you seethe. "Did your 'Grunkle' Stan Pines send you here? What is this, then, huh? You mockin' me?"

"No! No, no, no!" The boy waved his hands around. "I-I'm Dipper-- this is my sister, Mabel. Our Grunkle doesn't believe in any of this and I was really hoping you'd have answers,"

You continued your squinted stare. You placed your palms on the counter and released a deep sigh. "I'll lift the Pines Ban just for you two-- just this once!" You announced, holding a defiant finger up. "I can't tell you much about this journal. Dunno who wrote it or why-- I can tell you that most of the information in there is accurate,"

"We sort'a already found that out," Dipper explained.

"We fought gnomes!" Mabel exclaimed.

"Wow! You found out the hard way," you chuckled. "How did you find out about my shop? It's not really as grand as Stan's Mystery Shack,"

"Funny enough, it was Grunkle Stan who mentioned it," Dipper responded. "When we mentioned gnomes and weird Gravity Falls stuff, he told us we sounded as crazy as 'the weirdo who owns the weirdo shop down weirdo lane,'"

You groan. "That sounds about right,"

"How do you know our Grunkle Stan?" Mabel tilted her head as she asked.

You grumble. "It's a bit of a... story..."

○●○

I was fresh outta high school when I began collecting strange stuff. I hitched rides around the entire U.S., taking what I could find.

At first; it was just collecting-- no intention to sell at all. Then, I began trading. I had strange things that others wanted-- and, wouldn't you know it, they had something stranger I wanted.

I made all sorts of deals and trades. Finally, though, all my bags had been filled. I couldn't travel anymore with all that junk! So, I set up a small shop where I was; here! Gravity Falls, 1980. I believe I was... 20, at the time. It wasn't anything official-- I just needed to get rid of some of my things and make some money while I was at it. I fully intended on getting out the moment I could!

But then, I discovered the weirdness of Gravity Falls. It was everything someone like me could wish for! Not just strange items-- but strange beings as well! Strange places and strange people! I continued my trading within Gravity Falls and two years later, I officially opened up my shop!

That's when... Stanford Pines opened up his Murder Hut, or whatever he called it. He opened up his shop at the same time as mine! And he was getting more business than me! Oh! I was fuming! I-- I was, more rational back then, though.

Maybe, I was jumping to conclusions. Don't knock it till you try it! I went on over to that Shack and took a tour.

When I saw what he had, I couldn't help but ask; "Oh, you're running a tourist trap?"

He didn't let his facade drop for a second. "What? No! This is all real freaky stuff!" He responded joyfully. "I mean, just take a look at this!"

He held up a taxidermied badger body with a taxidermied mouse head sewn onto it. "Oh, right," I knew he didn't believe himself-- he knew I didn't believe him, either. "I-- I run my own shop about two miles from here. It's crazy, actually, we opened up on the same day!"

That's when he dropped his smile and the taxidermy amalgamation. "That occult shop? Here scopin' out the competition?" His cheer was gone from his voice. "Look, bub, I got important stuff to deal with. I don't need no occult freak here debunking all my work and takin' me outta business when I jus' got started,"

"I-- Oh, I don't intend on--,"

"--Get out,"

●○●

"And that's how I met Stan," you finished. "For the past 30 years, we've been competitors,"

"Wow," Dipper breathed out. "That... sounds exactly like how Grunkle Stan would react to your shop,"

"He's very unpleasant," you comment. "You guys aren't, though. Maybe there's hope for that old man if you guys stick around long enough,"

Mabel gave you a curious look when your words "that old man," came out of your mouth. "Well, how old are you?"

"Mabel!" Dipper harshly whispered.

"What! I'm just curious!"

You laugh. "You're bold, kid," you say, "I like it. I'm 52 this year,"

"Wow!" Mabel stared with wide eyes and mouth agape. "You look really young!"

"Kid, if you're trying get something free from me," you began, "it's working. You two are a pleasant change from ol' Gravity Falls. If you ever need anything for your weird adventures, you know where my shop is,"

"What sort of weird stuff do you sell here?" Dipper asked, peering around the shelves.

"Most of anything weird you can think of," you explain. "Live butterflies, demonic daggers, bidding boxes-- even got Dybbuk boxes,"

As Dipper and Mabel began to look around the shop, curious at the weird wonders your shelves held, the bell rang again at your door.

"Kids!" An unpleasant voice called out to the two. "What're ya doin' at this place?" Stan placed his hands on his hips while he stared down the kids.

"Ugh," you groan. "Mr. Pines, you know well enough you're not allowed within 100 feet of my shop!"

"My niece and nephew should know well enough they shouldn't be within 300 feet of this nut house!" Stan ushered the kids out before turning back to you. "Don't get these kids believin' a word of your nonsense! They shouldn't be anywhere near this,"

As he exited, you shouted. "It's not nonsense, Stan! I sell the real deals--!" The doors shut and you could now only watch the back of Stan lead Dipper and Mabel away from the shop. You clenched your fist and gritted your teeth. "He doesn't have a clue what he's saying,"

With their exit and your current frustrastions, you walked to your doors and locked them. You flipped your 'OPEN,' sign to instead display "CLOSED,' before pulling down your shutters and blocking the view of your shop.

"I liked him better when he acted sophisticated and smarter than everyone else,"

___

》 END

[aurorangen]

I realise there may be confusion with my old posts, since coming up with better ideas that make more sense in the bigger picture. So now I will make sense of these ideas by covering up my mistakes (try to anyway 😂). It's only really in this post, when the lore just started. Before I improvised so much, but now I'm careful with my planning!

One thing I messed up with throughout is the timeline and ages. "he went missing. 10 years ago" is supposed to mean the last time they both saw him in person, not when he was officially reported as missing to the police. Just don't pay too much attention to the timeline, but things that have happened. I end up forgetting how old they should be at each stage 😂

He is studying Law alongside a History discipline, so I can say he shares a class with Renee ahaha!!!

Prosecuter or lawyer IDK WHICH (I got mixed up) but they are both lawyers, so I have used that as the general term throughout. In my eyes he is more of a prosecutor, but I got confused with their job roles. Let's just say he is a lawyer turned prosecutor 😌

Why Vincent wants to find his dad is explained here

That last dialogue is all lies now lmao If you remember he wanted to be a doctor first but changed to lawyer after the trial, seeing how much of an impact one had on his life. The first line "Vincent, you really don't look like you want to study that" is ok. Maybe she saw uncertainty in his face, maybe Vincent knows how dangerous this is all going to be. It's a tough journey getting there hence the uncertainty and he is also very conflicted with all this danger. Overall he DOES want to be one. In the end he grew to love his job and the postives power over negatives. And ofc the end goal of uncovering the truth.

Renee could see the pain in his eyes. All the trauma his Dad had caused during his childhood...and she understands Vincent now. It's the fact of not knowing if his Dad is dead or not, what if he comes back and causes more of that pain?

Transcript:

Vincent: Renee I'm sorry about the other day. I just walked off- Renee: Don't worry about it! I shouldn't have asked you such personal things. Vincent: No, I lied to you and you should know the truth.

Renee: The truth? Hey, let's sit down over there. Vincent: [hesitates as he doesn't know how to word it] Ok, technically I've not lost my Dad.

Vincent: Ah fuck! That's not right, I dunno how to say this [the thought of his Dad is making him angry] so my Dad disappeared. He might as well be dead for all I care, he's not been there for me anyway. And when he was… [clenches fists] but yeah, he went missing. 10 years ago [sighs] same date as the day at the bar.

[Renee recalls Billy closing a missing people case and reaches to comfort Vincent as he talks] Vincent: I don't know what my Dad was up to, he was rarely home. Probably out drinking or cheating, but he always said it was to do with work. All I know is, it's always been me and my Mum.

Vincent: [carrying on] And y'know, your uncle stopped the case saying he's dead. But I think he's alive. Renee: That's why on the first day he…I look like Billy [realises] is that why you're taking history with law? Vincent: [clears his throat] Yeah, so I can become a prosecutor to find the truth. And find him.

Renee: Vincent, you really don't look like you want to study that. Vincent: I'm doing this for my Mum. To see if I can find out what happened regardless of him being dead or alive. Trust me I'd be studying something way different if it wasn't for her.

[wild-karrde]

Obviously, I'll get back to Star Wars posting at some point, but if I can offer a few thoughts here as I work through my grief and anger:

We can debate until we're blue in the face whose fault it is for this. But at the end of the day, the issue is 70M people chose fascism for whatever reason, be it they don't understand the economy, that they're bigots, what have you. They were ok with what Trump stands for if not openly welcoming of it, and that is the problem.

This shit is gonna suck. It's gonna be hard. We are not going to win every fight. We are going to lose a lot. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

FIND AND BUILD COMMUNITY. And I'm not just talking about activism (although that is important). But you're going to need people to get through this. Find YOUR people. Ones that remind you that there's good in the world on the darkest days. People that will mourn with you, that will fight with you, and when it comes, experience joy with you.

FIND JOY. I saw a Bluesky thread today that talked about how important it's going to be to find little moments of joy, whatever they are. Take a walk to your favorite park. Look up at the moon. Eat good food with friends. Those little moments of joy are going to keep you going during this fight. They are necessary. Please make time for them and don't feel guilt for having them.

FIND A WAY TO GET INVOLVED. There are mutual aid funds, local political movements, abortion funds, volunteer positions at the local library, etc. SHOW UP in whatever ways you can when you can. There are so many options. Figure out what's available to you locally, and if you have the means to donate to places that will be impacted most harshly (red states, poor communities, etc.), then please do so.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. This is going to be a marathon, not a sprint. As someone that has already lived through one Trump presidency, I offer this: do not engage with every dark moment. You're going to feel like you have to stay outraged and engaged with everything he does. You can't. It's too much. Especially this time. You need to pick a few issues that you feel you can have the most impact on, and you need to stay in those fights. If you have the energy to do more some days, then do it. But do not fall into the habit of doomscrolling and feeling helpless about things you could not change. Do what you can. Rest. Stay hydrated. Keep going.

Fascism is fragile. We will break it. It may take a long while, but we will win. But in order to do so, you have to make sure it doesn't break you first.

It is going to be hard. There is no denying that. There are going to be days that feel so incredibly bleak that you can't get out of bed. But that doesn't mean we give up. Reach out to one another. Take care of each other. Take care of yourselves.

We have a few months to figure out how we can best help each other and contribute to the fight. Speaking specifically as part of the Star Wars fandom, I feel like we're uniquely prepared for this, as cheesy as that may sound (but fuck it, I need cheesy right now). We live for the stories of everyday people rising up against an overpowered fascist empire. We get to be those fucking people now. So take time to grieve and get your head right. And then get back up and let's fucking do this.

[c-rose2081]

GOD I have to wonder how Briar is doing after all of this. Like finally coming back down and realizing what has happened. What she has done even if on accident at first and how the magic has corrupted her… poor Briar is always going through it.

And I imagine this only does so much more damage to her and Apple’s friendship if not pretty handily destroying what was left of it. I can’t imagine Apple is able to be around her much without feeling either horribly guilty about how she treated her for years or just generally unsafe in Briar’s presence now.

Mhm. Here’s the thing about that…I’m not sure Briar actually makes it out of Legacies Undone to return to Ever After.

She doesn’t die necessarily, but I think when the magic from the final battle shatters the false world, Briar’s dark fairy magic is reflected back at her. And because she was using the same magic that would eventually put her to sleep for 100 years, her curse is triggered as they’re all chucked back to the point in time when the false world was created (they return to the night of Thronecoming despite having lived many months in the false world). The Storybook of Legends is still in Wonderland, leading into Way Too Wonderland.

I don’t think Briar wakes up, better explaining her lack of presence in later series and giving Apple another piece of grief that eventually leads into her shattering during Dragon Games. Because Apple now gets to see exactly what Briar was afraid of this entire time, and feels the full impact of actually losing her best friend to one hundred years of enchanted sleep. Briar is placed in the highest tower of Ever After to fulfill her destiny, still in her tattered Thronecoming attire.