#or disappoint them all and not recieve any appreciation/validation from them ever again

[floof-ghostie]

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[dat-silvers-girl]

Im sorry but all the teachers always punished Sarahi and never gave her a chance?? I can understand Snape but even Mcgonagall, Flitwick and Sprout were like this? That seems kinda out of character for them...

Your short answer is yes. Every Professor, at some point in their life, have given Sarahi a hard time and has punished her, even Flitwick and Sprout. Even if she's not given any punishment and goes scot-free, she's explicitly lectured about what she did was wrong. For Sarahi, even these small lectures, detentions and punishments took a toll on her, because she's a student who from her childhood has constantly been conditioned into thinking that an adult or authority figure's validation is the only validation that matters. So when she doesn't recieve it from anyone in that authority position, she feels like she's doing everything wrong. It isn't until Rakepick shows up as an authority figure and validates her, that she realises she's actually doing the right thing by helping with the Vaults. It's only after Year 4 that she picks up in Dumbledore's lies and manipulation, and the uselessness of the Professors she once respected. Rakepick, evil or not, opened Sarahi's eyes to everything wrong that was going around her. To every tactic an adult in an authority position uses to keep children under control. And Rakepick used some of those, but not all of them. And she welcomed MC's challenging (even if it did lead to our wand getting broken).

I can explain more, so this is going to be a loooong answer anon. If you're interested, strap in. Let me explain my viewpoint on faculties and authority. And please do not scold me. In my attempt to read between the lines, I have realized things that I will put below the cut.

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It's a hard truth to accept, but as a grown up who's just now understanding the Harry Potter plot and and also Jam City's terribly written Hogwarts Mystery plot, I have begun to pick up things that have made me realise that the Hogwarts faculty, even the nice ones like Sprout and Flitwick, aren't the best. But I wouldn't call it out of character. Sometimes bending the rules is a good thing. But if your nice teacher also conforms to the rules even if they know it's a wrong rule, then they wouldn't help a student in need either.

Let me give an example: Let's say you have this very nice teacher. She's very patient, repeats things without getting mad, genuinely enjoys teaching and is nice to kids and tries to understand them. This teacher witnesses you pushing a bully to defend yourself, and brings you both to the Principal. Your school has a zero-tolerance policy, and because of that both you and your bully is being suspended for a week. Your teacher tells you "It was right of you to defend yourself." But she doesn't do anything to tell the Principal how a kid shouldn't be suspended for just defending themselves. Even if the Principal doesn't listen to her, even an attempt to make tell the Principal that the rule is wrong would be appreciated. But she does nothing. You still get suspended, and not to mention, still get bullied when you come back. This teacher STILL does nothing.

You once believed that this teacher would at least try to stick up for you for doing the right thing, because she knows you were bullied, but she still conforms to the rules that she knows are wrong. No matter how nice she is, would you trust her again?

This exact bullying situation is the first conflict MC ever has in Year 1. We made it clear to Flitwick that we intended to duel only to defend ourselves, and as promised, that's exactly what we did. But we were still punished, and Flitwick did nothing to stop it. And the more I think about it, the more disappointed I am in this nice teacher who brings out dancing cupcakes to cheer up sad students.

And let's talk about McGonagall as well. For a moment, just pretend the Harry Potter franchise didn't set her up as a wonderful heroic teacher already. Let's just see her as she is from MC's point of view. It's been established that she's a good, albeit strict teacher. That's fine. But her punishments is where she's going overboard, as I came to realise very recently with the Dragon Club and Sphinx Club TLSQs. Shutting down whole clubs for the stupid mistake of one member? That's a horrible way to deal with the situations in both quests! This is the equivalent of taking 150 points from Gryffindor for the first ever offence of three first years, who's only offence was talking to Hagrid later than they should have. And then, she punishes them by making them do the exact thing she punished them for, but WORSE. She sends these first years into the Forbidden Forest, known dangerous land, to serve detention, late at night. I'm noticing a pattern, and it's seems that over the top punishments aren't OOC for McGonagall after all. Which is disappointing to me considering how much I loved her as a kid. Don't get me wrong, she's still an amazing person, and she certainly cares more about her students than Dumbledore did, but still. I'm just a tad disappointed in her.

This is the entirety of the Hogwarts faculty in a nutshell. Replace the bullying with the more destructive and dangerous Cursed Vaults. Despite saying "Let the adults deal with it" many MANY times, they are never seen dealing with the problems, instead are only seen making rules to keep the students more and more locked down. And these lockdowns, even when they are announced to the entire school, almost everyone can tell that they are specifically to keep MC under control. Which is from the very beginning, was a soul-crushing way to deal with MC's issues. They lock MC down to keep them from finding answers... Answers that MC wouldn't have to chase if the faculty had just answered their questions themselves.

Now here's an explanation about who the default MC is: From the moment we are introduced to our protagonist, one thing is clear... They have lost their older brother, and whether they love him or not, it's affecting their lives. They are an outcast from moment one, and after doing some homework on the entire franchise, thanks to friends who have answered a lot of my (sometimes stupid) questions, I now know that Dumbledore preys on outcasts. That's why he sent Harry to be raised by his awful uncle and aunt, to make him an outcast, and see him as someone who had his best interests at heart, when he really didn't. He basically raised Harry to die. He's trying this same tactic with MC, but they are managing to break away, which is a subtle thanks to Rakepick's influence. Hagrid was one of these outcasts as well. Sirius was an outcast as well, but he did not accept Dumbledore as that all-knowing wizard, and that led him to Azkaban. Heck, even poor Hagrid ended up in Azkaban because of Dumbledore's negligence.

MC's life is constantly a challenge because of their missing brother. I don't know about all MC's, but if your MC is the kind who loves Jacob, then this student is a child still grieving the loss of their older brother, and can never even move on or live it down because someone always reminds them. MC constantly asks about what happened to Jacob for the first few years, but the faculty has never given them a proper answer. So how can you ask this child to stop looking for the answers to questions you refuse to answer? And punish them for just trying to find out what happened to their lost sibling? With constantly telling MC to stop with the Cursed Vaults, the faculty basically sends a message that, "You should forget about your bother and move on. What happened to him is not your problem." And the entire faculty does this in some way, not just Snape and McGonagall.

Sorry, I went off on a tangent there... But well. This is my point of view.

[uncloseted]

Sorry for the tmi but i need to talk about this and it's too personal so i cant tell any of my friends or my therapist. So i don't know what my sexuality is (and i dont mean just gay/bi/straight, also alosexual, or ace, or graysexual or demisexual). I know im attracted to girls because i had a crush on a girl from school for 5 years (never acted on it) so im not straight. I used to be pretty biphobic and i grew out of it but sometimes i'm kind of disappointed when other girls are bi and not gay+

+ and i just cant relate to straight or bi girls when they talk about being attracted to guys. I can't see myself married to a man or suffering because a boy broke my heart or writing poetry about a guy or taking birth control. But i want guys to be attracted to me, and sometimes I show my body on online chat websites, but then i feel really bad. I also don't like looking at the guys so i end up closing my eyes or covering the screen. the only time i didn't feel bad afterwards was when i did it + with a girl so we decided to do it again but this time i didn't like it because she asked me to do some stuff i wasn't comfortable with and i ended up feeling even worse than usual. I feel like the camgirl thing is more about feeling wanted and seen and not so much about fulfilling my sexual needs. I'm also very, very sexually inexperienced in real life. I only kissed one person, once and im 19. I don't really think of myself as a very sexual person but i feel like i would be willing to sleep + with anyone who wants to sleep with me (especially men). I even tried to find someone on tinder to sleep with so i'd stop being a virgin but then i realised how stupid that was. I also think about men sexually but it feels more like an intrusive thought because it's like "oh, you think that guy is good looking. so you're attracted to him. you want to sleep with him. would you sleep with him?". and i also think stuff like what if i'm attracted to my family members or what if i'm a pedophile and i also have moments of clarity and i realise that it's totally crazy but at the moment it's awful to think that you might be an incestuous pedophile monster. So, changing the subject, i don't think i'm even bisexual because i dont want to kiss guys or recieve oral sex but some part of me just wants to experiment straight sex. But im so shy that i dont think i could ever enjoy any kind of sex. Im not even sure i want sex at all or if it's because the world is so sex obsessed that i feel like

+ i have to do it. i even thought about killing myself or going on antidepressants so i can stop thinking about this every fucking day. sorry for the rant and for my english, and i want you to know that you're the best and i appreciate all the work you put into this blog

I don’t think this is TMI at all, and I’m really glad that you feel like you can talk to me about it.  I think the first thing is to separate out romantic attraction from sexual attraction, because for some people those two things are different and even incompatible.  It sounds to me like you’re romantically attracted to girls and not at all to guys. It also sounds like you like the validation you get from men being attracted to you, which is separate from sexuality or romantic orientation and more to do with issues of self esteem.  

The question of your sexuality seems to be more complicated, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing to not know what you like yet.  I think we put a lot of pressure on people to label themselves or to have a succinct way of describing who and what they’re interested in, but I don’t see the value in that.  I think it’s okay to say that you don’t know and are trying to work it out, and go with the experiences that feel interesting or fulfilling in the moment. I would try not to take away too much from the experience you had with that one particular girl- it sounds like maybe you’re more sexually attracted to women, but that she’s not someone that’s right for you in terms of making you feel appreciated and comfortable.

In terms of looking on Tinder for someone to lose your virginity to, I don’t think that that’s categorically a bad idea.  Sometimes, people feel ready for that experience but don’t have someone to share the experience with, and so finding a person online who can share that experience with you ends up being the right decision for them.  That said, if you do that, I would make sure that you’re doing it because you want to and feel ready to make your sexual debut, and not just because you feel like it’s time or that you’re missing out on an experience other people have had.

I would try to open up to your therapist, if you can, about the intrusive thoughts you have concerning sexuality. Your intrusive thoughts about sexuality aren’t you, the same way that intrusive thoughts about hurting others or hurting yourself aren’t the person that’s experiencing them, either.  They’re called “intrusive” thoughts for a reason- they’re thoughts that don’t reflect your personality or where you are in your life, and they’re not things that you actually feel/think or would act on.  That said, intrusive thoughts like these can be a symptom of a larger problem, so I think it’s important to talk to someone about them and work through them.  The incest and pedophilia intrusive thoughts in particular are actually very common in people who experience intrusive thoughts, and they definitely aren’t revealing any secret truth about who you are.  They’re just your brain messing with you, but I know that doesn’t make them any more comfortable to experience.  Anti-depressants can help those thoughts go away, and they may be an option for you.  I would bring this problem up with your therapist and see what they have to say about it.  I promise they won’t judge you or think you’re strange because of those thoughts- I can almost guarantee you that it’s something they hear a lot.  I would also discuss your desire to feel validated and your shyness with your therapist.  It sounds to me like a lot of the problems you’re struggling with right now stem from low self esteem, and I suspect those problems would become less prominent if you worked on your relationship with yourself and your self-confidence first.  Once you gain some self confidence and start experimenting with your sexuality, I think what you like will become clear to you.

Last thing!  Your English is great and if you hadn’t said anything, I wouldn’t have guessed that you’re not writing in your first language.  I hope I’ve helped a little bit at least.  I know that this isn’t an easy set of problems to work through, but I hope you know that you’re not alone in this experience at all and that things can and will get better.

[shslshortie]

Okay I'm going to make a post because I can't deal with everything that got asked/shat out my way

I am sorry for this rant, but I am legit ready to leave tumblr again. Like I forgot why I hated it so much, but lord is this an unhealthy environment for so many reasons. Mainly, because of discourse/call out culture. And I'm obviously not talking about being "PC" or anything, but just being an all around mean spirited person if anyone says anything that either 1) doesn't agree with you/your views/your fandom, 2) if anything is even slightly false or not entirely fact-checked, or 3) goes against most popular opinions without writing an entire graduate-level thesis about why you believe your opinion/view/observation is valid. Like if you want to complain or voice an opinion about anything, or even joke about something that you think is funny, you could very likely almost immediately be called out or even be sent WAVES of hate that usually is completely undeserved. Especially since people are hiding behind a screen of anonymity or at least behind an online persona, they don't think about the person on the receiving end of it. They don't think how their mean spirited comments or backlash could effect them mentally, and they don't even stop to think what else could be going on in their lives. Yesterday, (was it yesterday? I think it was yesterday, but GOD was it a long fucking day if it was) I made some posts after recapping through the Rost. Cup after I watched each medalist's short and long, as well as all the US skaters, big names, and for the men and ladies, almost all 11 skaters honestly. I love figure skating, and NO, unlike a lot of people wrongfully assumed, am not a part of the "fandom" and did not get into it because of YOI. Was a passion reignited from like a barbeque level flame to a bonfire with YOI's help? Yes. But would it probably have gone to a similar level with the Olympic season going into full swing? Highly likely. But anyways, I made some posts because I wanted to voice some observations, complaints, and things I thought were funny because tumblr is the only place I ever really rant/voice theories/talk about a lot of my interests, since I don't have any irl friends who are interested in almost half of the things I am. So, tumblr is usually the place that I dump these feelings/thoughts. Sure, one of them was a little off-color, and posted without thinking, but after about an hour (and like 3-4 replies I think), I looked back on it, and realized it didn't need to be posted out there, even if I didn't mean it to be mean. Does this mean I owed every single person who "called me out" for being uninformed, or for being mean, or for being whatever the hell I am a reply? No. Did I know that some things were answered over Twitter, or weibo (sp?) or Reddit, or whatever other gd social media that I don't use? No. Does that man I am uniformed and spreading lies or whatever? I don't think so, and that doesn't make me a fucking villain. I also deleted it, because I realized I was wrong. End of story, part 1. But then, the figure skating fandom found some of my posts/commentary/rants. (god forbid they somehow find this and attack me ALL OVER AGAIN, except for y'all that were part of this whole issue. I hope y'all see this, because it's not like I blocked you. Except for one tumblr user who blocked me because of my post? Like you do you, except don't reblog my post and block me so I can't see what you said, presumably about how I am a terrible person). And apparently 1) if you insult/don't like/say Y***** H**** didn't do his best/were disappointed in him, or if you like the person who won over him more... Then you deserve to die. And 2) if you even make a post about YOI or other anime, you are a fake fan who knows nothing. And 3) even mirroring almost the exact words of sports (specifically figure skating) commentators in your posts means nothing? Like it OBVIOUSLY means that you are making up bullshit to hate on skaters that are popular and are misinformed, right??? Or if you say one thing that was similar to an APPARENTLY problematic broadcast group, that nothing (including any commentary from official other broadcasts, because GUESS WHAT: it's hard to find recordings of all of the programs and exhibitions with English commentary, and there are usually 3-4 networks that have it, and SO MANY people upload different ones to YouTube) else you say matters or has any merit. I haven't even read all of the hate mail and submissions I received from this debacle. My mental health can't take it. I literally woke up for school the next morning, saw my notifications and couldn't get myself to stop crying from the anger/upsetness/trauma/depressed thoughts that bubbled up with all of it, and I couldn't even get myself to go to class because I was so shaken. Like visibly, physically shaken, to the point where I couldn't think straight and I literally had tremors from how upset and unstable it made me feel. Tumblr should be a place where I can voice my opinion on something I am passionate about without all this hate. I literally have no other place. Right now, irl, I got dragged into drama (not mine, I swear, I was just a witness and got pulled into the mess) with my honor society, and the girl who started it all is trying to pit the entire organization against me. I can't post anything on my finsta, and God forbid I even tried to post anything in Facebook. (Not like I would). I am already in a very dark place mentally and emotionally because of the trauma this is putting me through, and how unwanted, useless and disgusting everybody is making me feel. I shouldn't be getting that from strangers who just decided to make my life even more miserable on top of it. Legitimately, out of the 30-40 comments/asks/replies/submissions I recieved, only one person even tried to realize where I was coming from or to educate me on what I had done wrong or missed in my analysis. But some of their wording just mirrored all the hate l had recieved, or even other things I had been told in real life that just made me cry even harder and I still can't bring myself to reply to even the person who was civil. My one big point to anyone who sees this is (besides don't be a dick/cyber bully/create and stir up unnecessary discourse) is don't assume that people don't know what they're talking about? Or don't assume that they are fake fans? And don't make people spell every letter of their opinion out for you in a 12 page thesis if it doesn't comply with the tumblr norm. Cuz here are some fun facts about me that I don't normally publicize / post about on tumblr: Yes, I am an anime fan, but Jesus Christ I love/am a huge fan of WAY more than I am in the fandom for. I am honestly only in like 4-5 anime fandoms. Same thing goes for other things I like, such as Harry Potter or marvel. I can like things, A LOT, and be passionate about them without being in the fandom. That doesn't mean I don't like it or I'm not knowledgable on the subject. That doesn't mean that I am an idiot for not knowing a fact/opinion/theory that has made its way around the fandom, that I'm not a part of. YES, I am a HUGE SPORTS FAN. It was legitimately also my fucking career (as a sports reporter/journalist/broadcaster). Do I post on tumblr about Baseball or Football or Hockey? Almost never. Does that make me any less of a fan, or does that make me any less knowledgeable about teams and rules? No. Does that mean that I didn't play/participate in almost every sport growing up? (baseball for 6 years, I still play Intermural football, tennis for 3 years, volleyball for 4, soccer for 1, swimming for like 5 years, I tried track, even karate and some other random stuff.) YES, I AM FUCKING KNOWLEDGABLE ABOUT PERFORMANCE SPORTS. I have participated/competed/trained/still watch almost every kind of performance sport. Of course color guard and marching band has been the longest, and the thing I was best at (7 years), but I grew up doing all kinds of dance and I still do lots of dance, as well as TONS of my own choreography. I've done baton and cheer for about 1-2 years each too. I did gymnastics for 4 years — was I very good? hell no. But do I know about it and appreciate it? Yes. SAME THING GOES FOR FIGURE SKATING. I only had like half a years worth of lessons, and like 3 routines that I ever finished and performed with figure skating, but that is because it is an expensive af sport, and I had way more activities and sports that I was better at, more passionate about learning, and were more accessible. BUT did I grow up going to figure skating shows like Disney on Ice or Stars on ice? Did that stop me from waiting in line for hours to get Michelle Kwan and other famous figure skaters autographs? No. Did that stop me from watching almost every single minute of the 2014 and 2010 Olympics? No. Do I still remember watching parts of the 2006 Olympics with my parents and absolutely being ENTHRALLED and wanting to do that too? YES. I still remember watching the 2014 Olympics from my aunt's house when I was staying on a cot in her living room because my mother was in the hospital and CRYING when I saw Y* H* perform, break world records, and win the gold. It was a sense of normalcy and awe because everything else going wrong in my life didn't matter while I was watching these amazing athletes perform. And GUESS WHAT, since I'm not really a part of the Figure Skating fandom (just like I'm not in the musical theatre fandom, or in anything regards to hair or makeup) I don't post about my own hype or plans regarding how excited I am for things to come out. So nobody here on tumblr, or almost ANYONE knew how excited I was for this upcoming Grand Prix season for the first actual competition of the Olympic season. I watched almost every challenger series video, as well as the autumn winter classic and competitions of the like. Even the JGPF events in anticipation. But guess what: I literally have a note on my phone that has all of Team USA's competition schedules, and their scores that they have gotten so far (like at the COR), along with a list of my favorite international skaters, and other new skaters to watch. I was so hype, so excited, and I thought that maybe, since figure skating had boomed in popularity, thanks in part to YOI (but also, helped people be more vocal and open about how much they love the sport even if ex already did) I would be able to discuss the excitement with other people. But no. Instead of being able to say "omg I'm so excited for blah blah blah, I hope they make the Olympic team. But I also love this show concept and this other persons costume, and you also can't count out blah blah blah" and being civil with conversation among other fans... They instead will say " wow you like blah blah blah? But you said this about them, and that offends me so you're wrong, and you forgot this tiny detail from 3 years ago, and you like anime so you OBVIOUSLY only care about figure skating because of YOI. Take your bandwagon fan bullshit away from me and go kill yourself". So now, I am staying the fuck away from the figure skating fandom, I've literally left half of my choreography untouched for almost 2-3 months, don't want to read/finish any of my YOI fanfics, and will probably even have a hard time watching Skate Can this weekend (even though like 6 of my favorite skaters are competing, and I was so excited before). Guess I'll just have to annoy my snapchat friends with videos of skating and me screaming because of skating. Fuck you tumblr, and I doubt I'll make any more original posts outside of APO planning and reblogs in the foreseeable future,