#or did you want everything wrapped up pretty with no conflict or adversity?

[doctorweebmd]

I say this with so much love in my heart

Yall are so fucking stupid

[shannen-writes]

Ranking the Halliwell sisters from least to most favourite

Charmed is one of my all time favourite shows and the sisters 4 of my favourite characters. Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Paige are so complex and dynamic. They’re written as real women that are flawed and relatable and that’s why the show continues to have so many loyal fans to this day. Since I’ve grown up watching the show, my ranking of the sisters has changed a lot over the years. As I’ve gone through various stages of my life I’ve related to different aspects of the sisters’ lives and personalities, and even today I’m constantly finding a new appreciation and admiration for the sisters. However, my ranking has stayed pretty much the same now for the last few years, so I wanted to share it with you all. So without further ado here is my ranking of the Halliwell sisters starting with my least favourite and ending with my most favourite. 

Warning: There’s no hate featured in this post towards any of the sisters, but it is a critical analysis, so be warned that you may dislike some parts, particularly if you’re deeply attached to any of the characters.

4. Piper 

I love Piper’s strength and compassion. Her transformation into the Goddness of Earth in Oh My Goddess perfectly embodied Piper’s character for me; how down to earth she was and how her power came from her motherhood and care-giving spirit. In the early seasons, Piper was driven by a desire to please others and was conflict adverse. I deeply related to Piper as someone that struggled to be heard and to strike a balance between her desire to avoid conflict and being assertive, which we saw in Coyote Piper. Piper knew what she wanted but didn’t always know how to get it. Piper’s place as the middle sister in seasons 1-3 was a defining aspect of her character and shaped her passive nature in the early seasons. She was the mediator between Prue and Phoebe, and this meant that she was often more open-minded and less stubborn than her sisters. She was able to see both sides of a story and approach situations with empathy and understanding. Piper felt stifled by the big, bold personalities of her sisters and compared herself to them. She felt that she wasn’t as brave, pretty, charismatic, smart, powerful or talented as Prue and Phoebe; that she was ordinary. This lack of confidence she had in herself and her abilities led her to subconsciously become passive in a lot of situations and to also resent her powers throughout the series. Her ordinary-ness made her feel like she belonged in an ordinary world and therefore, she struggled to accept her magic and the extraordinary-ness that went with it. 

However, Piper developed over the series and changed a lot. Her love life was a significant aspect of her development. In seasons 1 and 2, Leo and Dan choosing Piper over her sisters boosted Piper’s confidence and made her realise that she wasn’t inferior to her sisters. Whilst she was generally passive in seasons 1 and 2, when she finally made the choice to be with Leo, it was the first step of her finding her true voice and not being afraid to use it. Despite it being a forbidden love, she loved Leo so much that she believed he was worth fighting for. Losing him at the start of season 3, altered her passive nature signficantly. She became angry and bitter and was determined to fight for the man she loved. Piper reacted to this loss in a much different way than she would’ve in season 1, and even after getting Leo back, she was forever changed by it. It was a turning point for her through which she learned that being a nice, good little girl and playing by the rules didn’t always bring rewards. Generally, Piper’s relationship with Leo also helped Piper to become more determined and confident. Leo had a deep understanding of Piper and knew how to support and nurture her so that she continued to grow in confidence and see her strengths.

After season 3, Piper went through a string of life-changing events which took her character down an entirely new path. She lost Prue, became the eldest sister, lost Phoebe to evil, became a mother and lost Leo (again!). These 5 events impacted Piper’s character significantly transforming her from the Piper of seasons 1-3 into a very different Piper. Whilst the core of Piper’s character remained, the trauma associated with these events and the huge changes she underwent led her to become more hardened, cynical, untrusting, callous and bitter. Her perception of the world and of right and wrong became much more black and white, she became more stubborn, less sensitive and more determined. Her passiveness with traded for assertiveness, her aversion to conflict for combativeness, her lack of confidence for arrogance, her open-mindedness for closed-mindedness and her apparent lack of power to ultimate power. 

Piper is a brilliant character with organic and authentic development. The trauma she endured was marked by the signifiant changes in her character and personality in the later seasons, but the core of her character was maintained no matter how much she changed. The reason Piper is at the bottom of this ranking is because I have a few small issues with her character. Firstly, I feel like she was sometimes pushed too much into Prue territory. As the eldest sister, the writers forced Piper to adopt similar characteristics to Prue and it didn’t always fit. It was to be expected that she’d change, and that her insecurity about her ability to take on the role as the eldest sister would lead her to behave more like Prue. But ultimately, Piper was her own person and there was a way for her to become the eldest sister without becoming Prue 2.0. Secondly, Piper’s character was over-shadowed by Leo, Wyatt and Chris. Whilst I liked her relationship with Leo and appreciated the exploration of motherhood that we got in seasons 4-8, it sometimes stifled Piper’s character and the focus on Leo, Wyatt and Chris forced Piper to be a supporting character in her own story. Thirdly, her arc in the later seasons became repetitive with the same issues with parenting, Leo and her desire to “be normal” arising time and time again, despite them having already been resolved in previous episodes and seasons. Finally, certain traits were amplified at her detriment. I’m as much a fan of Piper’s sarcasm and wit as anybody, but after a while it became spiteful and mean. Repeatedly blowing up Leo, telling Billie she’d vanquish her and straight up disrespecting the Elders because she wasn’t “not a fan” of their rules are just few examples that come to mind. 

Overall, I love Piper and appreciate how much she developed across the series, but I love the other sisters so much, that these few issues that I have with her character are enough to place her at the bottom of my ranking. I think that serves as a testament to how much love I have for the Halliwell sisters!

                                                  ____________

3. Phoebe

I absolutely adore Phoebe and the amount of hate that she seems to get from the fandom feels like such a huge injustice to the incredible woman that she is. I love Phoebe’s passionate, free-spirit; the way she wore her heart on her sleeve, was always true to herself, fiercely loyal, devoted and passionate. She had a wild side, but was also deeply grounded and I believe, was the heart of the show (despite Piper being commonly regarded as such). Of all the sisters she undoubtedly underwent the most growth and Phoebe’s story was by far the most inspiring to me. She faced a lot of judgement and doubt in the early seasons (particularly from Prue), but she never let that dampen her spirit. She found the courage and strength to go back to college and find her path in life, she lost herself to one of the darkest loves that existed and found a way back from it and generally endured a lot of trauma, but somehow always found the strength to go on. What’s even more incredible about that, is that she always maintained her core self. Even when she was at her lowest, she had a strong sense of who she was and was true to herself. That’s not to say that she didn’t change because she did, but considering how dark a path she trod at certain points in the series, the fact that she remained the optimistic, big-hearted and compassionate soul that she’d always been was a huge testament to her character. 

It’d be impossible to talk about Phoebe without touching upon her relationship with Cole and her arc in seasons 3-5. Falling in love with Cole was a huge turning point for Phoebe’s character, and over the years I’ve repeatedly seen her get slammed for it by fans. However, Phoebe’s relationship with Cole encompassed everything that Phoebe was and made sense for her character. It showed her recklessness, impulsivity and naivety when it came to love, but also allowed her to develop a maturity and fresh perspective that she perhaps wouldn’t have if she hadn’t met Cole. She threw herself unreservedly into her relationship with Cole because Phoebe was a romantic and she believed wholeheartedly in love. The relationship was far from perfect; Phoebe developed blinkers and was often too wrapped in Cole at the detriment of other aspects of her life, but the relationship was pivotal for Phoebe. As the youngest sister, she started the series as much more naive and immature than her sisters, but her relationship with Cole and the life experience it gave her set her on a new path. She learned to guard her heart and be more cautious when it came to love, she also took the time after her break-up with Cole to focus on herself and her career and to find new loves that weren’t necessarily romantic. Her job as an advice columnist allowed her to find an outlet and expression for her love of love by helping others to find love. And despite the hurt she endured at Cole’s hands, she never truly gave up on finding love herself and her pursuit of love remained at the center of Phoebe’s arc throughout the series. This is why Coop being Phoebe’s final love interest made so much sense - they were both driven by finding love, whether for themselves or others. 

In addition to her pursuit of love, a desire for a family and children was also central to Phoebe’s arc, particularly in the later seasons. On a personal level, I disliked this development because I couldn’t relate to it as someone that doesn’t want to marry or have children. However, appreciate that for Phoebe it made sense. From the start of the series, she was depicted as someone that was good with children and had a maternal instinct, which we saw in episodes such as Reckless Abandon and Awakened. Furthermore, the loss of her child at the end of season 4 undoubtedly left behind a pain that was the catalyst for Phoebe’s fixation on having children in the later seasons. In season 5, we saw her fawn over Wyatt and act as a motherly figure, which was likely a projection of her grief from the loss of her own child. After seeing a premonition of her future child, Phoebe became obsessed with finding the father of her future child to ensure her child would be born. I strongly disliked this arc, but it was understandable given the fact that Phoebe had lost a child previously. Just as Piper went on a journey to becoming a mother in seasons 4 and 5, Phoebe went on her own journey. It wasn’t a well-written or developed journey, but a journey nonetheless, and I appreciated it as part of Phoebe’s story. 

The reason Phoebe is only third in this ranking, is because as much as I can objectively appreciate her arc and development, I didn’t like it and I think that it was an injustice to the incredible things that could’ve been done with her character. Many would claim that Cole destroyed Phoebe, and I disagree with that, because it’s much more complex. It’s an oxymoron of sorts; the relationship developed her growth but also hindered it. Whilst the experiences she had provided her with perspective and wisdom, Phoebe’s inability to deal with the aftermath of the events in season 4 hindered her from truly moving forward from Cole or the trauma of becoming Queen of the Underworld and her miscarriage. Phoebe never faced up to what had happened or tried to get closure, choosing instead to runaway, as we saw in A Witch’s Tail. This meant that her relationship with Cole in season 5 became even more dysfunctional and added further to her existing trauma from season 4. Outwardly, during this time Phoebe was building herself back up and developing her career, but ultimately, Cole was always hanging over her head and by the time it was finished with she was exhausted and just wanted to shut it away and pretend it never happened. This is understandable, but as I said at the start of this paragraph, it prevented her from healing. Consequently, every part of Phoebe’s journey post season 5 was still dictated by her history with Cole. In seasons 6-8 everything Phoebe went into became an obsession - whether it was finding love, her romantic relationships, having children or her career - and those obsessions can all be explained by her experiences in season 4 and 5. 

Overall, Phoebe’s external development was more significant than her internal development. Externally, her development across the seasons was the most tangible - she started the series as an unemployed “wild child” with only a bicycle and backpack of clothes and ended with a highly successful career, loving partner and the family that she longed for. However, internally, she never truly developed because of the poor way the aftermath of her relationship with Cole was handled in season 5. Despite this, I appreciated that as a modern woman, Phoebe was portrayed as wanting a husband and children whilst still being a powerful, independent woman with a successful career. I also love Phoebe for who she was as a person. I love her vibrancy, charisma, passion and energy. She was a colourful character and anybody that met her couldn’t do anything but adore her.

                                                ____________

2. Paige

What I love most about Paige is that she feels like the most unique of the sisters, which was most likely because she was adopted and wasn’t raised with the other sisters. Paige was so quirky, individual, stylish, independent, witty, intelligent, talented, driven and conscientious. I’ve always felt that out of all the sisters she’s the most underrated and was given less opportunity to shine throughout the series. Paige underwent genuine growth that’s understated but beautiful. Every flaw or issue that Paige had was explored, addressed and resolved. Some examples of her growth include: 

Her fear of magic and reluctance to become a witch transformed into a genuine passion and flair for witchcraft which she perceived to be a blessing

Her resistance to her biological family members (e.g. Penny and Sam) because she felt it was a betrayal to her adopted family eventually softened to give way to open-mindedness and acceptance

Her denial of her whitelighter half grew to become her greatest calling and a core part of her identity and heritage which she took pride in

Her struggle to fit into the Halliwell clan ended with her becoming an integral part of the family and the reason that they were able to survive after Prue’s death

Paige consistently confronted her issues head on and grew as a consequence. She embraced every aspect of herself, her life and her past, and saw them as opportunities to grow. This quote from Paige in Sam I Am (which is one of my favourites), really shows this:

“When you gave me up, you made a choice that gave me the most amazing gift. See, I got to have these tremendous parents and we loved each other fiercely. And now I have this whole new life with my sisters. I choose to be a witch. I could’ve walked away but I didn’t. And now I’m a Whitelighter to boot.”

In comparison to the other sisters, I found the nuances of Paige’s character so interesting. When she was introduced in season 4 there was so much to learn about her, and episodes like A Paige from the Past showed how much potential Paige had in those early days. She brought a fresh perspective and dynamic to the show which stemmed from the fact that she was raised in a completely different environment from her sisters.  She wasn’t afraid to challenge the sisters pre-conceived notions or to propose new ways of doing things - a Haiku spell is one of many instances that show Paige’s innovative mind and creative flair - and strongly believed in her ideas and judgement. She was self-assured and confident in a way that enabled her to be efficient and which motivated her in everything that she did. Despite her differences from the sisters that stemmed from being raised with the Matthews, she still had incredible instincts as a witch and had an innate Halliwell-ness which solidified her as a Charmed One. This too added to the nuances of Paige’s character because she was always straddling a duality - Halliwell and Matthews, witch and whitelighter. At various points throughout the series she felt like she had to choose between these aspects of her personality and commit to just one - Halliwell or Matthews; witch or whitelighter - but over time, she realised that this duality was part of her and was a blessing rather than a curse. 

All of the sisters were dedicated, but Paige stood out to me as always being wholly dedicated to everything she did. She didn’t always know her path but whatever she tried, she threw herself into completely. Her dedication to her witchcraft, in particular, was inspiring. Paige went further than any of the other sisters (except Prue) in perfecting her craft and trying to be the best witch she could possibly be. She studied the craft, wrote new spells, practised perfecting spells that she couldn’t do (e.g. the conjuring spell), devoted herself to innocents and took her role as a witch very serious. Paige was resistant to her magic in the first few episodes of season 4, but fully embraced it later on. She was the only sister that genuinely loved being a witch consistently. Even when things got tough, she never wished away her powers, because she found purpose and joy in them. Perhaps this stemmed from the fact that Paige had a more challenging life than the sisters. Although Prue, Piper and Phoebe weren’t raised by their parents, they had a strong parental figure in Grams into their 20s and always had each other. In comparison, Paige lost her parents when she was still a teenager and seemed to have nobody else to support her. She also blamed herself for her parents death, which means that emotionally she was not only dealing with grief and loneliness when they died but also blame, regret and self-loathing. I believe that this is why Paige viewed her magic as a gift rather than a burden, and why she continued to flourish as a witch throughout the seasons. 

Paige’s arc and development, overall, was not necessarily the best of the sisters, but in terms of her development in particular episodes or seasons, it was brilliant. Her centric episodes are some of my favourites from the series -  A Knight to Remember, A Paige from the Past, Sam I Am and Centennial Charmed - and each execute fantastic plots and character development for Paige. Her arc in season 5 was incredible. In my opinion, there is no other character arc across the eight seasons that was executed as well as this one. Giving up her job and devoting herself to being a full-time witch was the beginning of a new chapter of her journey. Not only did she grow as a witch in her abilities, skills and instincts, but she solidified herself within the Halliwell fold and showed how integral she was, particularly in Centennial Charmed and Y Tu Mummy Tabien. She supported her sisters - Piper in becoming a mother and Phoebe in her separation from Cole - and various aspects of her character were explored such as her inferiority complex with Prue, her relationship with Sam, her whitelighter half, her difficulty in overcoming her natural independence to work together with her sisters and finding her place in the world. Season 5 did an excellent job at building on what we’d learned about Paige in season 4 whilst also developing her organically. She was the new sister in season 4, but in season 5 it felt like it’d be impossible to imagine Charmed without her. 

Despite this great development Paige underwent in seasons 4 and 5, she was unfortunate enough that half of her time on the show was during the weakest seasons, and she suffered for that. After season 5 there was no further exploration of her past which massively disappointed me (I’ll still never get over the fact that in Charmed Again she mentioned that she had a problem with alcoholism that was never explored), and she got trapped in a cycle of the same arcs. Whilst Piper got stuck with “I want a normal life” arc and Phoebe got stuck with the “I want to find love” arc, Paige got stuck with the “I don’t know what to do with my life” arc. In season 6, it made sense that she’d resort to working temp jobs. After having spent season 5 as a full-time witch, she realised that she needed more in her life and temp jobs were a way for her to explore that and get a variety of experiences outside of magic. However, it seemed that Paige didn’t  ever break out of that cycle and continued stumbling through life trying to find the right path. She was thrust into Magic School, which wasn’t particularly the best choice for her character and then her whitelighter arc was haphazardly thrown in towards the end of the series. It always frustrated me, because Paige dedicating more of her time to being a whitelighter made perfect sense for her character, but it wasn’t developed properly and felt like a disservice to her. I also felt that Paige had already found a great career in season 4 as a social worker, so it didn’t make sense to me that she never returned to that. Furthermore, I didn’t like how Paige’s journey ended in season 8 with her being married and having children. Paige was great with kids - we saw proof of this with Wyatt and Chris - but having kids was something that Paige never particularly wanted from her life. She was the one sister that didn’t express any desire to have children and didn’t seem particularly maternal. Also on a personal level, it would’ve been nice if at least one of the sisters’ happy ending hadn’t been the usual cliche of being married with kids. That aside, it didn’t necessarily feel true to Paige’s character for her to be a mother. I felt that she would’ve been contented to be married to Henry, dedicated to her duties as a witch and whitelighter and babysitting her nieces and nephews as their cool Aunt Paige. 

Although I don’t like the way Paige’s story ended and feel that her character was let down, I still think she’s an incredible character that underwent immense growth. Despite being the sister that got the least amount of focus throughout the series, she always stood out to me in terms of her characterisation and development. It was so strong in seasons 4 and 5 that it’s almost irrelevant that I dislike the path she went down in seasons 6-8. Her season 5 arc alone is enough to give her the second spot in this ranking. But the reason I love Paige is so much more than that. I relate to her in terms of her independence, search for purpose in her life and desire to help others, and I admire her dedication and motivation in everything she did. Paige is the sort of character that I not only relate to, but also find inspirational. 

                                                 ____________

1. Prue

Now we come to my favourite sister (and one of my favourite characters of all time period): Prue Halliwell. Anybody that follows my main will know that I’m in love with Prue, so it’s going to be hard to analyse her character properly and not just gush about how much I love her. I think Prue is a phenomenal character with a well-executed arc which comes full circle, despite ending prematurely. I love Prue’s strength, determination, confidence, drive, ambition and courage. Her characterisation was consistent and strong throughout seasons 1-3 and she was lucky enough to have lots of great centric episodes which explored her character in-depth. In the pilot I felt that Prue was established as the most unlikeable sister - the older, domineering, bossy, cold, hardened sister that always took charge and berated her younger sisters for their mistakes. That legacy remains today and I still see fans often discussing how much they dislike Prue or how they were glad she died. But Prue was so. much. more. than. that. Every flaw that Prue had was explored to provide a full understanding of why she was the way she was. She was traumatised by the death of her mother (From Fear to Eternity, P3 H2O and Death Takes a Halliwell), had severe abandonment issues because of her father (Thank You for Not Morphing and We All Scream for Ice Cream) and was forced to adopt a parental role as the eldest sister in the absence of her parents. Her seriousness, critical nature and stiff-upper lip mentality all stemmed from this and was not a natural part of who she was, as we saw in Which Prue is it Anyway? and Just Harried. It was what she had to become to deal with her trauma and fulfil the role that was thrust on her shoulders at such a young age. Prue’s journey was about breaking free from that role that she’d become trapped in and discovering her true self outside of being the eldest sister and protector. 

In season 1, the nuances of Prue’s character were immediately explored. In Thank You For Not Morphing, her resentment towards Victor for abandoning her and her sisters was explored, and the armour she wore as a protective shield became clear. Prue was naturally guarded because she felt that was what was necessary to protect herself and her sisters. Later on in the season, Prue’s experience with Barbas in From Fear to Eternity tapped into Prue’s trauma about Patty’s death which caused her to emotionally distance herself from her sisters and prevented here from being able to say “I love you”. Throughout season 1, Prue’s strained relationship with Phoebe addressed the aspects of Prue’s personality that could be regarded as unlikeable. Phoebe acted as the direct voice of many viewers, perceiving Prue to be over-bearing, judgemental, critical and rigid. By repeatedly confronting and challenging Prue on her behaviours, certain barriers were broken down and by The Power of Two, Prue and Phoebe’s relationship finally became one of sisters rather than mother and daughter. Her relationship with Andy was the polar of her relationship with Phoebe and showed her more vulnerable side and capacity to love. Although the relationship wasn’t plain sailing, her vulnerability was clear and showed a new side to Prue. Andy’s death at the end of the season was a huge turning point for her character. Losing the man she loved, particularly when she still carried the trauma of Patty’s death, was significant for Prue and once again shattered the stereotype that Prue was cold and unfeeling. 

By the time season 2 rolled around, Prue was still reeling from Andy’s death and struggling to continue her duties as a witch, believing that their magic only brought death to their loved ones. It would’ve been easy for Prue to give up, but she found the courage and strength to continue on. Not only that, but she devoted herself heart and soul to being a witch, despite feeling that it was what had killed Andy. This was the season where the lighter, fun side of Prue began to show more. When she decided to quit her job at Bucklands and pursue a career in photography, an entirely new part of Prue’s journey began. Prue decided it was time to let go of her old life - the life she’d been living when she was forced to be the big sister - and live a life for herself. Despite her desire to live more freely and indulge herself more, the core of Prue’s character remained and she was in constant battle between her head and heart (or id and ego, as Just Harried showed). This innate battle between who she felt she should be and who she truly was, was central to Prue’s character. She wanted to let go of the past and the person she had been forced to become after Patty’s death and Victor’s abandonment, but she didn’t know how. Prue had been defined for so long by her role as the eldest sister that she didn’t know who she was outside of that. Some intrinsic part of her also believed that it was her solemn duty to protect Piper and Phoebe, and that to ensure their safety she had to sacrifice her happiness. Prue was essentially trapped in a self-inflicted prison of sorts as a result of her trauma, and seasons 2 and 3 were about her trying to break free from that prison.

One of the things I love most about Prue was her dedication to being a witch. Prue was by far the most devoted and talented witch out of the sisters. Whilst Paige’s inferiority complex towards her wasn’t necessary, it wasn’t unfounded. It made sense for Paige to feel inferior considering how much Prue was able to accomplish as a witch whilst also holding down a full-time job at Bucklands and later launching a new career in photography. Prue was fiercely hard-working and devoted in everything she did, and being a witch was no different. Like Paige, she never questioned being a witch, the exception being when Andy died. Prue didn’t agonise over the reasons why, she accepted being a witch and embraced it. She took her duty to protect the innocent very seriously and never strayed from that core principle. Prue set the precedence for her sisters when it came to being a witch and was committed to ensuring that they never strayed from the correct path. This is why it was very fitting that she died protecting an innocent. It was the only way for Prue to die, since that was her ultimate calling in life, even above her dream to be a photographer or position as the eldest sister.  

This doesn’t even cover half of Prue’s development or arcs across the three seasons she was on the show, but to cover it in full would take a lifetime. The overall message here is that Prue’s development was by far the most superior and consistent of all the sisters. Prue had the luxury of having more focus in seasons 1-3 than Piper or Phoebe and this resulted in her being the most fleshed out and complex character, not only in terms of her characterisation and arcs, but also her powers and magical abilities. Although Piper and Phoebe were the longest standing sisters, Prue’s character still out-shines them for the three seasons that she was on the show. Furthermore, whilst I can pick fault with the direction Piper, Phoebe and Paige went in or elements of their story or power development that I disliked, I can’t with Prue. I’m fully onboard with everything that was done with her character and how she was written. She was flawed but every single flaw was justified and understandable, and every aspect of her characterisation was beautifully explored and provided absolute clarity on who Prue was. Even her death, although shocking and sudden, made perfect sense and encompassed the tragedy of Prue’s life, which was that she was always destined to follow in her mother’s footsteps.

“Every single day, I feel like I'm becoming more and more like her and everyday it terrifies me. I mean, don't you guys see it? Look at what happened to her and then look what's happening to me. No successful relationship with guys, being responsible for a family, now because of being this charmed thing, the very real possibility of dying young. It's like history is repeating itself.”

Overall, I love Prue with every fibre of my being. I acknowledge that she was a flawed character, but in regards to her development, I can’t fault it. It was wonderfully written and her characterisation was consistent and authentic. I love Prue because I relate to how she’s emotionally closed and struggles to overcome that, her responsibility as the eldest sister, the abandonment of her father, her struggle to let go and have fun and the way she finds comfort and security in responsibility and sensibleness. Of all the sisters, she’s the one that feels the most real to me. Since I was a little girl, I have been inspired by Prue and have looked up to her. She’s the only sister whose story was never about love - even when she was with Andy - it was always about her journey. I appreciate the ways in which the traumas she endured shaped who she became as an adult, how she struggled to accept that and tried to heal from it to become a better, happier and healthier version of herself. I admire her determination, devotion, courage and absolute fierceness. I also admire how she always strived to protect her family and strived to do better and be better. All in all I love pretty much everything about Prue. 

                                                  ____________

That concludes my ranking of the Halliwell sisters. I could’ve wrote more about each of the sisters because they’re all such well-written and complex characters, but the purpose of this post was to explore the facets of their characterisation and development that I like and dislike to explain the reasoning for my ranking. In the end, regardless of which sister is ranked first or last, I love each of them and they will forever hold a place in my heart as the first inspirational female role models I saw on TV.

Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed reading this, I’d love to know how you’d rank the Halliwell sisters and why? 

[ava-candide]

Here’s your problem. You are in charge of Poldark, one of the UK’s most successful TV series of the past five years. A huge hit in the US, the show made its leads, Aidan Turner and Eleanor Tomlinson, stars overnight. Last year’s fourth series was watched by 6m UK viewers at the height of a World Cup summer. (The final series of Game of Thrones, by comparison, reached just 3.39m viewers, and most soaps average 5m.) The series is based on 12 hugely popular books, of which you have adapted just seven. So there are five further novels to plunder. But...

“The first seven books are set in the 18th century and finish at the end of 1799,” explains the writer Debbie Horsfield, whose problem this actually is. “But then Winston Graham stopped writing — and when he came back for book eight, The Stranger from the Sea, he left an 11-year gap in the story and changed almost everything. We leave Ross in series four a frustrated MP. When we meet him in book eight, he’s basically a spy for the British government. Dwight [Enys, the doctor] is helping George III with his madness. Graham doesn’t really explain how any of this happened.”

None of this would matter if the latest TV adaptation of the books, like the 1975 version, simply gave up at the end of the first seven. There is, however, an informal agreement between cast and creative team that — if everyone is still around and available in 10 years — they will reunite to finish the final novels. “There’s nothing on paper, but everybody has said yes,” Horsfield says. “Why wouldn’t we?”

So she set about trying to fill in that 11-year gap for the fifth and perhaps final series, and turned, as the show has often done, to the ferociously radical politics of the time. There she found a real-life Ross Poldark in the shape of a radical war hero who had married one of his servants — Colonel Edward “Ned” Despard. (It’s tempting to say that desperate times call for Despard measures.)

“The parallels between him and Ross are quite astonishing,” Horsfield says. “They were both military men — Despard was a hero of the American Revolutionary War and his wife, Kitty, was originally a Jamaican servant in his kitchen. I asked Andrew Graham whether his father had based Ross on Ned, but he hadn’t heard of him. Despard’s history doesn’t end well, so it seemed that he could become the ‘There but for the grace of God’ figure for Ross.”

Vincent Regan, who knows how to buckle a swash, with roles in the BBC’s The Musketeers, Troy, 300 and Clash of the Titans, brings a rugged determination to the role. He roars his way through the first two episodes like a force of nature, and in this Horsfield has stayed true to the real-life Ned. After the American Revolutionary War, he was made superintendent of what became Belize, until he fell in love with Catherine (Kitty) and set out to give freed slaves the same rights as white settlers. This did not go down well in London — Despard was recalled and jailed. When he was released, he joined the London Corresponding Society, a radical organisation inspired by Thomas Paine’s Rights of Man, and agitated for the end of slavery.

“Ross was clearly an abolitionist, and there has always been a political thread running through Graham’s books,” Horsfield notes. “Period dramas shouldn’t be clean, neat and tidy — they should matter as much as contemporary stories.” To illustrate this, she sketches out what seems at first an improbably modern storyline: Luke Norris’s character, Dwight, the troubled Royal Navy doctor, develops a form of PTSD treatment for the villainous George Warleggan, played with chilling power in this series as a man driven literally mad with grief at the loss of his wife, Elizabeth.

“Graham mentions in passing in book eight that Dwight went to France to study with a Dr Pinel,” Norris says. “He was a real historical figure who pioneered humane ways of dealing with mental health issues, at a time when we locked people in Bedlam, plunged them into icy water, whipped them, beat them, locked them in cages, sedated them and purged them to rid them of demons or animal spirits.”

“It made sense,” Horsfield adds. “By book eight, Dwight has become the go-to expert on mental health, being called in to consult over George III.”

We forget there was a strong possibility of an English revolution at that time. There were serious food shortages and measures to suppress any kind of dissent, including trade unions. “The beauty of the novels is that the dashing Byronic hero makes thrilling drama out of the dullest school history lessons,” Horsfield says. “Ross opposes the greed of bankers and wealthy industrialists, so it made sense for him to have served with Ned, and for Ross and Demelza to be caught up in the story of Ned and Kitty.”

The idea of a radical mixed-race couple cutting a swathe through London at that time is almost certain to incite adverse comment. In fact, there were black Londoners in Roman times, the first settled black community in the capital was in the Elizabethan era, and by the time Despard was recalled to England, about 2% of London’s population was black.

It’s also true that in the early 19th century, the British secret service was headed by William Wickham, a civil servant busy infiltrating radical groups such as the London Corresponding Society. By gradual steps, Horsfield leads Ross and Demelza through the first two years of the missing 11, gradually wrapping Ross in the plots and skulduggery of political espionage.

For Turner, the arrival of Poldark’s old commanding officer provided a couple of welcome changes. “It was nice that Ross finally had a friend,” he says with a grin. “I got on great with Vince — he was an English actor doing an Irish accent, and I’m an Irish actor doing an English accent, so we do good impressions of each other.

“And it felt like there was a lot more action in the series, with Debbie given free rein. There’s much more sword-fighting, that’s for sure. We’ve had pistols, riding and swimming in previous seasons, but you can’t beat fighting with real steel swords. You can’t fool around with them. You just have to commit and go for it, and hope everything will be fine.”

Turner famously does his own stunts, except in the scenes where Poldark gallops along the cliffs. “For insurance reasons,” he points out hastily. “But they put me on a horse on the first day of shooting, back when I was such a young and innocent man. I was pretty nervous, I was on a horse and Debbie says I was quite fierce...” He pauses. “But I think I was a little bit nicer than that.”

He will miss the show, he admits. “We had pretty much the same crew for the entire job, so it was like a proper family, and I’ll miss everyone a lot. You hope to keep in touch — you tend to with the actors, but not so much with the crew.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Turner found his final day of shooting very emotional. “It’s always been amazing working alongside Eleanor, we get on great, and the last day was just the two of us doing some bedroom scenes,” he recalls. “That was quite lovely, and it seemed to make sense that it was just the two of us. It was poignant to leave things there.”

Leave them there? What about the talk of reuniting in 10 years? “I wouldn’t rule it out,” he says, then tacks a little to the left. “I mean, I wouldn’t rule anything out. That’s for other people to decide. It depends if it’s something the audience wants to see.”

Horsfield can’t see why the audience would have changed by then. “When I started this adaptation, people were asking how I was going to make it relevant for now,” she says. “But you don’t need to update it, because the concerns of the time and the concerns of Winston Graham are still the concerns we have now.

“Things actually don’t change. We all want to find a sense of community and not be exploited. That Europe, surveillance, terrorism and immigration are still hot topics may be a shame, but it’s really no surprise.

“If we are to come back in 10 years, dealing with mental health and continental politics — I mean, you’d be crazy to say that they won’t be hot topics in 2030. Constant conflict around the same ideas may be depressing for me as a person, but as a drama writer, it makes my job a whole lot easier.”

[nellie-elizabeth]

Outlander: Man of Worth (4x13)

I see that this finale has been kind of polarizing in the fandom, and honestly I don't really see why. If you haven't liked the season thus far, this finale isn't going to fix things. But if you have liked it, then this finale is exactly what it should be to wrap up all of these various story beats. For the most part, I did like this season. That's not to say I don't have my complaints, though... this episode was a bit of a mixed bag, in the same way that a lot of the season was.

Cons:

I will admit that this season has felt the most unbalanced out of the seasons of Outlander we've had thus far. The later books in the series are my favorite - I love spending time at Fraser's Ridge and being around as the Revolution starts to heat up. But the further along in the series you get, the more sprawling these novels become. They're not structured like most novels are. They're very meandering and rich with incident, and it makes for a real challenge in adaptation. I definitely felt that challenge here. The whole season does feel a bit meander-y. They hit all the important plot moments they need to hit, but there's less room for some of this stuff to breathe. Claire herself has a reduced role in this season, and that's a consequence of so much going on. In the books, though, the story just expands to encapsulate everyone and nobody feels diminished. That's not entirely possible in a TV show, though.

Some smaller notes: this season still didn't grapple enough with the issues of race that it presented. We see that Brianna and Phaedra have formed a friendship at River Run, but we don't see Brianna confront the fact that her friend is a slave in any meaningful way. Also, the romance between Murtagh and Jocasta relegates Ulysses to a complete background figure in this episode, which is another significant bummer. Also, as an added consequence of elevating Bree and Phaedra's moments, Lizzie becomes almost completely useless as a character. I feel like for people who haven't read the books, Lizzie is just a non-entity. She's there to muck up the truth for dramatic irony, but she doesn't have a purpose in the show beyond that.

Murtagh and Jocasta. Oy. Let me say this: I don't object to it on principle, but do you know what I would have liked better? Keep the scene where they fight just as it is, and they we cut to Murtagh and Jocasta waking up in bed together, or one of them wakes up and realizes what happened the night before, and has a bit of a "what have I done?" moment? Then, in that final moment, instead of an expression of tender love between them, we get this awkward sort of interplay where neither of them regrets what happened, exactly, but they're not foolish enough to think anything more will come of it, so there just trying to be considerate of each other's feelings. Basically, what I'm getting at is this: I'm cool with Jocasta and Murtagh having sex. I actually think that's pretty hilarious and fun. But suddenly being in love? Nah. I'm not about that. I literally laughed out loud when it panned over Murtagh lounging shirtless in the bed. Pretty sure that wasn't the intended reaction.

I don't blame Roger for punching Jamie, but I did think it was odd how long the scenes of violence went on. There's a lot to cram in to this hour of television, so it felt strange to have these prolonged scenes of Roger beating up Jamie, and Ian going through the gauntlet with the Mohawk. Surely we could have gotten the point with less time spent on showing the violence.

(Also, as a final note, I missed Lord John this week. A lot.)

Pros:

I actually really liked all of the stuff with the Mohawk, from learning the full story of Otter Tooth, to Jamie agreeing to stay with the Mohawk, to Ian stepping in. I thought it was well-paced, well-acted, dramatic, heartbreaking, all of that good stuff. Obviously the real stand-out moment is when Jamie and Ian are saying goodbye to each other. It was heart-wrenching, and the performances made me feel more connected to Ian than I have so far in this show. I also absolutely loved Ian's reaction when he learned he would be made part of the Mohawk. He was so elated, and his big goofy grin just told you that everything would be alright. This was meant to happen for him.

Otter Tooth traveled back in time for much the same reason that Geillis did, to try and save his people. There's an inherent heartbreak to his story, of course, but I like that the Mohawk, or at least some of them, understand that his presence could be regarded as a gift, not a curse. There's a lot of tragedy and complexity to this story, and I felt like the show did a pretty good job with it, despite some of the problems they've had throughout the season with portraying the native characters.

So, when Roger learns the full truth about what happened with Brianna, that she's having a child that might be his and might be Stephen Bonnet's, he hesitates. He doesn't come back to River Run right away, leading Bree to think she's lost him forever. I don't think Roger's hesitation on this account is excusable, necessarily, but I think it makes him a realistically flawed human. We know that Frank Randall loved Brianna as his own daughter, despite knowing the truth about her parentage, we know that Jamie has raised more than one foster child who wasn't his by blood. This story has a lot of complex child/parent relationship stuff baked into it, and here we see that Roger is conflicted, but he comes back to Brianna and makes the right choice - he wants to go meet his son.

The Brianna/Roger reunion was super cheesy, super overblown, and exactly the kind of over-the-top romance that Outlander should include. I'm not going to complain about the cheesiness level. Please. We all knew what we were getting into. I think it's adorable, and I'm glad Bree gets to have her happy ending with Roger. For the moment. And I'm glad Roger has found a way to reconcile all of the torment that he's been through, and come out the other side still devoted to his family. I've noticed people being pretty harsh on Roger as a character, but I personally think it makes sense to show a character handling adversity poorly. Not everyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps and succeed against all odds. Roger is in over his head for the entire season, and I'm willing to see past a few stumbles.

Once again, I find myself pleasantly surprised by how well Murtagh has continued to fit in to the story. Sure, his romance with Jocasta is a bit much, but the fact that Governor Tryon has come to collect on Jamie's loyalty, and that Murtagh is caught in the middle - I think that's an excellent change from the source material. It's a shortcut that gives personal stakes to Jamie's decision about where his loyalties should lie going forward. Fraser's Ridge has become a haven for Jamie and Claire, but they bought that haven with a promise of fealty to King George III, and the bill has come due. This makes for an exciting jumping-off point for the next installment of the story, and I'm so bummed we have to wait for it!

That's all I've got. I had a lot to say, both good and bad, about this episode, but ultimately I still enjoyed watching it, just like I enjoyed watching the whole season. Now if we could just have a whole show about Lord John Grey please and thanks...

7.5/10

[raiswanson]

Tagged in by @siarven, who knows and shares my love of spending too much time on tag games lmao

Rules: Answer the questions and then tag as many writers as there are questions answered (or as many as you can) to spread the positivity! Even if these questions are not explicitly brought up in the novel, they are still good to keep in mind when writing.

Aaaaaaa so many WIPs to consider for this but I think I’ll do Dancing Sands for now because it’s my baby (And fully drafted!! Did I mention that?? This sucker could be getting betas once I get back around to it!)

FIRST LOOK

1. Describe your novel in 1-2 sentences (elevator pitch)

A captured dancer must escape a nobleman’s magical menagerie or lose himself forever.

2. How long do you plan for your novel to be? (Is it a novella, single book, book series, etc.)

Sands is book one of (at least) two books serving as an origin story for Havoc, the narrator/MC. He appears in multiple other works I have, so you could say Sands is a spin-off series but they def stand on their own. ;) 

3. What is your novel’s aesthetic?

GODS, SAND, GOLD, AND CLINKY ACCESSORIES~

4. What other stories inspire your novel?

For the story itself at creation, nothing that I’m aware of. It sort of just...happened.

That said reading the Captive Prince trilogy definitely inspired me to pick this project back up after a loonnnggg hiatus/heavily influenced one of the major subplots.

5. Share 3+ images that give a feel for your novel

I’ll do you one better and push a few Sands moodboards on you ;D

MAIN CHARACTER

6. Who is your protagonist?

That’d be Havoc! He’s the narrator, at least.

7. Who is their closest ally?

Havoc finds himself alone and isolated fairly early into the book, and part of the fun of the story is working out who’s really on his side and has his back, so this is a tricky question to answer without spoilers.

I will say a number of deities have his best interests in mind and their influence is felt early on, though...

8. Who is their enemy?

This one is easy: Marik, the noble who may or may not be behind a number of atrocities throughout the novel and would like nothing more than to break Havoc’s spirit into splinters.

9. What do they want more than anything?

Getting away from Marik and going home in one piece is the ideal

10. Why can’t they have it?

Lots of pointy swords and magic aren’t easy to slip past

11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?

Well he’s certainly wrong in regard to his ability to handle himself alone :^)

12. Draw your protagonist! (Or share a description)

My art is “meh” at best. Have sketch a friend drew for me instead ;)

PLOT POINTS

13. What is the internal conflict?

There’s a bit about maintaining your self worth in the face of adversity, and learning to accept that sometimes you just need to open up to others, even if that’s scary.

14. What is the external conflict?

Did I mention the sharp pointy swords blocking the exits?

15. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?  

Can I say “everything in this book? Because that about sums it up.

Absolute worst thing would be sustaining permanent leg injury that would prevent Havoc being able to dance anymore. Dancing is his life.

16. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?

Ehhhhh not sure there’s really any one secret to pin down that changes the course of the story. There is one big secret that heavily impacts certain characters, but that’s spoilers~

17. Do you know how it ends?  

Sure do! ;) It’s already written! And boy is it a doozy of a thing

18. What is the theme?  

I’ll be real this is my least favorite question in the history of ever because I think centering your story a theme is garbage, so skipppppp

19. What is a recurring symbol?  

Bit on the nose, but dogs/wolves (and the fierce loyalty they represent) are a pretty large presence.

20. Where is the story set? (Share a description!)

Pseudo-alternate-parallel-fantasy Egypt. It’s Egypt-but-not, set in a world where the gods have up and left and the deserts have consumed almost everything. There are oases and cities still around, and some stubborn rivers, but for the most part there’s nothing to find but sand and death.

It’s a rough, mostly lawless land peppered with wandering tribes of the few people that didn’t die in the shift that grew the desert, plagued by wealthy nobles that have claimed the desert and its inhabitants as their personal playthings.

21. Do you have any images or scenes in your mind already?

It’s completed, but I still have plenty in mind for the sequel ;)

22. What excited you about this story?  

Everything. Havoc has always been one of my favorite characters because his personality is just...so good. And god do I love the rest of the cast. They're my A Team.

The plot and subplots are pretty rad too ;)

23. Tell us about your usual writing method!  

It’s mostly just loads of whining and complaining and plunking along at a crawl until I can get someone to read the thing and tell me what they think. Then I crank it to 11 and write like 80k in a month before crashing, and come back a month or so later to try and wrap things up haha

It’s a mess. 0/10, would not recommend

Not gonna tag anyone because this is huge, but I’d love to see other people’s answers!! Fill it out and tag me so I can see your WIPs!! This goes for all of you! ;p

[yohanes-magic-circle]

Digital Disguise: Chapter 5

(Impatient? Don’t like reading fics on Tumblr? The whole thing is up on AO3 now. I hope you enjoy it!)

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4]

Normally, Yoshiko fell asleep pretty quickly after finishing up her stream, but tonight she couldn’t drift off. She could hear dogs restlessly barking outside, not that that would have kept her from sleeping. It was too hot for that, and the poor pups were evidently as irritated by the weather as she was. Even the fan in her room was barely helping. What’s more, she was still wrapped up in the mystery of her unidentifiable viewer. They never seemed to reveal anything about themselves, but did know instinctively what Yoshiko wanted and they seemed to have a genuine interest in Yohane’s world. And then there was thing they said about standing shoulder to shoulder with her in danger…

There was no hope of getting an answer, and she didn’t want to think about it any more, so she took her phone off charge and opened up Twitter. Yoshiko’s feed moved pretty quickly, as she had a lot of things to follow – idol news sites, Yohane fans, gaming feeds and of course her friends from Uranohoshi. The app had flipped back to Top Tweets again, annoyingly, but she couldn’t be bothered to set it back and just idly scrolled down the list. She saw all the usual stuff – a classic A-RISE video, some cute Pokémon art, Chika’s silly photos of Shiitake, the latest offers from Gamers.

Then, something caught Yoshiko’s eye. “I’m watching Yohane Time! Watch live here,” read Hanamaru’s tweet. It was the kind of automatically generated thing some account-linking things did, so the tweet itself wasn’t interesting, but she was surprised that Hanamaru had been watching her stream. In fact, Yoshiko had almost forgotten that she’d even set up an account for her friend – she never really saw her tweet much, and she didn’t seem that interested in using the computer beyond their initial session ages ago. Out of curiosity, she visited Hanamaru’s profile to see if she had bothered to use it at all.

“I’m watching Yohane Time! Watch live here” “I’m watching Yohane Time! Watch live here” “I’m watching Yohane Time! Watch live here” “I’m watching Yohane Time! Watch live here” “I’m watching Yohane Time! Watch live here”

Yoshiko couldn’t believe her eyes. Nothing but auto-tweets, stretching back for quite a few weeks of shows. Hanamaru hadn’t said a thing about watching them. Why would Hanamaru even link an account to Twitter in the first place? Still slightly sluggish due to her tired state, Yoshiko tried to put everything together.

These tweets started a little while after Hanamaru got her PC. Anyone can watch, even without an account. But Hanamaru had an account. What do you need an account to do? A crashing realisation hit Yoshiko. You need an account to chat.

There were always new names popping in and out of the stream chat, but the only consistent new user of note recently was… Musashino. Could it be that Musashino had secretly been her oldest friend all along? It’d make sense. She knew unusual words, and she seemed to have an uncanny knack for knowing Yoshiko’s likes and dislikes. Even the slow replies could suddenly be explained – Hanamaru’s typing speed was atrocious because she hadn’t grown up using keyboards (in fact, Yoshiko couldn’t help laughing when she started typing with just the index finger of each hand). Yoshiko decided that it was time to press Google into service as a detective. She searched “Musashino Hanamaru Kunikida” and hoped for the best.

She saw loads of results, nothing to do with her friend, but lots about a book – Musashino, by Doppo Kunikida. Yoshiko clicked an encyclopedia link. It was apparently a work of classic Japanese literature, a book of short stories about people who fall behind the times. That settled it. A name like that was just too perfect. The family name, an old book, self-deprecating humour? That couldn’t be the work of anybody but Zuramaru. But that only raised more questions. Hanamaru was always the first to shut Yoshiko down when Yohane came out at school, but Musashino was a regular viewer of Yohane Time and was super excited by Yohane’s tales of conflict between the divine and the demonic. Could they really be one and the same – and if they were, why hadn’t Hanamaru told Yoshiko about the fact that she was watching?

On the other hand… It was nice to have that sort of attention. Musashino had made her feel so happy over the last few weeks, and she’d wanted to know more – she’d even wondered if she could meet this person, before dismissing the idea as unsafe. The concept that it might have been Hanamaru all along was… quite intriguing. Even considering the possibility that Musashino wasn’t just an oddly perceptive stranger and was in fact a long-term friend, Yoshiko was amazed by how much Hanamaru seemed to know about her. Few people would catch on to her little preferences like hot food, although on further consideration it wouldn’t be surprising for Hanamaru to fixate on food. And Yoshiko couldn’t help but keep coming back to that one thing about how Musashino would stand against adversity with her. Hanamaru would definitely do that, wouldn’t she? That much was obvious with how protective she was over Ruby – but she was never secretive over her friendship with Ruby. She didn’t tease Ruby even half as much, either. Hanamaru was definitely close to both of them, but it was a different kind of closeness in each case. Could it be that, actually, Hanamaru…?

Yoshiko didn’t dare finish that thought, because… Oh. Yoshiko felt her heart fluttering. She knew what her luck was like – to even think about it might break the spell, and she didn’t want that because she  wanted  Hanamaru to be that interested in her. In that moment, it dawned on Yoshiko that she had something of a crush on Hanamaru.

Still a bit delirious from her lack of sleep, but newly energised by this exciting possibility, Yoshiko acted on impulse. She got out of bed with a start and sat down at her computer. If Zuramaru liked her live streams, she thought, then she wouldn’t be able to resist a show where it was just the two of them. That would definitely be the best way to approach things. She opened up her email and began to type an invitation.

“Little demon, you have been summoned! Stand before Yohane –”

Yoshiko immediately deleted that garbage. If she was going to be able to explore these feelings with Hanamaru, she should do it properly.

“Hanamaru-chan, I want to talk with you. I’ll make a video call–”

Wait a second, thought Yoshiko. Hanamaru, if it even was her, was tuning in for Yohane Time rather than Yoshiko Time. What if that was the appeal? She started typing another, slightly less grandiose (but unmistakably chuuni) invitation and trashed it almost instantly. Half a dozen attempts followed, each slightly less brilliant than the last. Whether it was the heat, her tiredness or the sudden pressure of the situation, she couldn’t find the words. If only she had Hanamaru’s vocabulary. Yoshiko glanced at the clock. 3:24am. She was already going to be an absolute mess at school tomorrow, if she even managed to wake up at all. She had to get this done  now . Yoshiko hastily bashed out an invitation email and sent it, reasoning that at this point any thinking was overthinking. She then climbed back into bed and finally managed to achieve slumber.

18 hours later, Yoshiko was back in her room, drinking coffee. She was utterly exhausted from the night before, and practice had been a nightmare. As a result, she’d made sure to set up her streaming backdrop extra early – she’d ultimately decided that Yohane was the right persona with which to approach the situation. But really, the coffee was an insurance policy more than anything – Yoshiko was wired, barely able to contain her excitement for her one on one chat with Hanamaru. She ran over scenarios in her head, trying to keep herself calm enough that she didn’t trip over her words when she finally spoke them aloud.

10:00pm arrived. Yoshiko stood prepared, ready to see the other name pop up in chat. A couple of minutes passed. No big deal – Musashino hadn’t always been instantly on time, probably because Hanamaru still wasn’t great with computers. A few more minutes passed. Where might she be? At 10:10pm, Yoshiko sat down on her bed and checked her phone. No reply to the email. Her only message was from You, who’d shared a boating picture in the Aqours group chat. No sign of Hanamaru…

Yoshiko awoke in a daze, still sitting on her bed. She glanced over at the candles she’d lit for the show, and they were close to burning out. How long had she been asleep? Her phone told her it was 1:15am. She got up and looked at her stream chat.

Nobody had entered. Why hadn’t Hanamaru entered?

Something that felt like a tornado of emotions immediately hit Yoshiko. She’d built herself up and got so excited, and for what? Hanamaru didn’t show up. Maybe she was busy? Maybe she’d been wrong about Hanamaru being Musashino? No, she thought. It couldn’t something so mundane. In her fatigued state, Yoshiko was in no position to resist the wave of negativity washing over her. She’d probably been ignored. Maybe Hanamaru had even been watching her streams just to make fun of Yohane some more. Yeah, it was probably all some elaborate joke at her expense. Why had she been so stupid as to let herself believe that someone would actually like her for all that middle school nonsense? How could she have been so naive?

She didn’t know and she didn’t have the energy to think about it any longer. Yoshiko crumpled back onto her bed and buried her head into her pillow, quietly sobbing herself back to sleep.

[graceivers]

Review #31 - Kissing Madeline

Kissing Madeline Author: Lex Martin Genre: Contemporary Romance, Sports Rating: ★★★★ Recommendation: give it a shot; once was enough Summary: After catching her ex-boyfriend cheating on her, Maddie McDermott decides to focus on her career in journalism and newscasting instead of jumping into another relationship. But when her latest assignment involves interviewing Daren Sloan, a popular and upcoming quarterback sensation who also happens to be her next-door neighbor, can she really resist the temptation?

Female Lead: I really liked Maddie for the most part. In the beginning, I was completely in her corner. She’s young, lost the only parent she really had, is working so hard to build a legitimate and serious career and reputation as a journalist/news reporter. And, oh yeah, she caught her ex-boyfriend cheating on her. Despite what seems to be a lot of obstacles in her way, she makes things work. She understands that sacrifices have to be made, that she unfortunately has to cover storylines that are little more than meaningless fluff pieces like the whole football 101 thing she does with Daren. Maddie isn’t adverse to hard work and has patience. Those are excellent qualities.

When it came to her relationship with Daren, though, I was a little less enthusiastic about Maddie’s character. It is absolutely okay for a girl to get wrapped up in a budding relationship with a guy, that’s not my problem. What I had a slight issue with is the fact that Maddie’s relationship with Daren put her career in danger, and yet she took that risk. Do I believe Daren was super hot and sweet and irresistible? Yeah, sure. But Martin established Maddie as someone who took the news and her job super seriously. Her closet is full of business suits, for goodness sake. Everything about this girl screams professional, but then when it came to Daren, all that went away. It was a little disappointing. (That’s also why I classified this as a forbidden romance given that both of them acknowledged that they shouldn’t be in a relationship when he was basically her news story.) Moreover, her reaction to her speculation that Daren might be cheating on her? Part of me feels for her because she’s been burned once. But honestly, the way she acted without even asking Daren for the truth was a little unbelievable to me, especially for a girl who didn’t want anything serious (though she was obviously falling in love with him) and would seemingly have no problem confronting people otherwise. I did love her relationship with Daren, honestly. And thank you, Martin, for having Maddie realize the error in her ways, but those slips of character inconsistency were unfortunate. Male Lead: Daren is pretty sweet for the most part. You can tell that he tries his hardest to be honest and a good person even if he does make mistakes along the way. He does fall into the typical ‘athlete only cares about the game until he meets the one and suddenly life is all about her’ category, but that’s okay. I still enjoyed it and his character for the most part. Daren has walls too and like Maddie, he never intended for their relationship to get so serious, but lo and behold, they fall in love with each other. And yeah, Daren also acts like a ‘typical guy’ when Martin writes things in like him not noticing another girl all over him until it’s too late and not realizing it was Maddie’s birthday. Um… I guess I’ll give him a pass. Those moments didn’t change my overall reaction to his character.

One thing I do have to mention. Let’s be clear here. Daren was dating Clementine their senior year of high school. During that time, he had sex with Veronica. This is cheating. Plain and simple. There was a couple of lines in the book where Daren said that he “never considered it” or that it “never crossed [his] mind” when he told Maddie about how Veronica always accused him of cheating on her. So, first, my confusion is whether Daren is referring to the fact that he would never cheat on someone and/or Veronica or if he’s saying that he never considered himself a cheater. If it’s the first case, fine, that’s great, thank you for being a loyal dude. But if it’s the second case, then he’s just plain delusional and wrong because sorry, but he’s already technically a cheater even if he was a senior in high school. I do believe Daren is not that guy anymore, and it’s evident given that he constantly turns female attention away and only has eyes for Maddie. But… maybe Martin should’ve been clearer during this part because the wording does not sit right with me, which subsequently may affect how I view this character. Plot & Writing: Here’s the thing. I started Kissing Madeline quite a while back. Like I think back in March. I was a little more than a hundred pages in and SUPER into the book for all the sports and Massachusetts references, and thought, hey, I should save this for my lame two-person book club because I think the other girl I read with would enjoy this too. Long story short, this was not added to the lame two-person book club to-read list, so I left it on my shelf for a long time until I finally wanted to get it off my shelf and be done with it. The thing is, when I came back to it, I was far less enthusiastic about it. Why? Maybe because I stepped away from the book and lost the momentum of feelings I originally had for it. Maybe because I had read so many other things between then and now and my perspective on things had changed. Who knows. The point is, had I finished Kissing Madeline then when I first started reading it, the book probably would’ve gotten a higher rating. Alas, I just couldn’t seem to find that original high I had reading those first hundred pages.

I’m from Massachusetts. Born and raised. I LOVE Massachusetts, so obviously I loved that the book was set in my home state and all the references Martin put in there. That being said, if you’re going to write a book set here and reference real life places in Boston, towns in the state, colleges, and the public education system, and everything else that Martin did, lady, you have to be 100% accurate on your information and facts because otherwise, I’m going to be upset. For example, BU and BC are on the B-line of the MBTA/subway system. THE B-LINE, MARTIN. NOT THE D-LINE. We’re not going to Riverside. I don’t know anyone who takes the D-line to the Chestnut Hill station and then walks all the way over to BC when they can just take the B-line, WHICH PASSES ALL OF BU, to its last stop, BOSTON COLLEGE STATION. And then another thing. Clementine and Daren were next-door neighbors growing up. Daren went to Lexington High School, which is consistently one of if not the best public school system in the entire state. Therefore, Clementine also went to Lexington High. Clementine, who is referenced to being student council president in high school and likely very smart on top of the stellar academic education she’s getting in Lexington, committed to BU early action? NOPE. SORRY. People from Lexington High do not commit early action to Boston University. THEY JUST DON’T. BU is basically a safety school for half the students who go through Lexington High. And though a good percentage of students there do actually go to BU, people from Lexington just don’t commit early action there when their high school education is just as difficult if not more so than a lot of colleges, including BU. I know no one is reading this, and I know no one cares, but I care. I CARE A LOT. Okay. End rant.

I liked the overall relationship between Daren and Maddie. I liked that Daren was actually super sweet to her. I liked that Daren cared about her career and wanted the best for her. I liked that Daren made it okay for Maddie to cover sports again after she avoided it after losing her father. I did not, however, like that Maddie’s reaction after she got jealous, but I already talked about that above in her section. But also, I was not a particular fan of how Martin wrapped the story mostly because Maddie’s career suffered while Daren got off with barely a slap on the wrist. I was pleasantly surprised that the major conflict of the book escalated to that proportion and had such repercussions, but the way Martin handled the fallout was not my favorite. It was like Maddie’s career didn’t even matter anymore when it was constantly emphasized in the beginning and an integral part of Maddie’s character. Instead, she’ll just be a happy, pregnant wife for Daren who gets all the glory for being an overpaid athlete. As a woman, as a feminist, yeah, that doesn’t make me feel too great, even if I have a super hot and successful and loving husband like Daren. I mean, Maddie ends up with a YouTube channel and gets to do some segments for ESPN every once in a while? Isn’t that what she was avoiding before? And now suddenly she’s okay with it? I don’t know, man… Doesn’t seem right.

On a similar note, I praise Martin for highlighting the absolutely gross and sexist workplace Maddie worked at and simultaneously curse society for allowing those places to exist in the real world. It was cringeworthy and disgusting what Maddie’s boss, Spencer, made her do—forcing her to interview Daren and wearing what she had to wear and all that. Maddie was seriously brave and completely professional in taking those forced directions when it was obviously an uncomfortable situation. And again, this is absolutely not Martin’s fault for writing it like that because this is unfortunately real stuff that women have to deal with. So props for including such scenes and issues into the book. And given what Brad did to Maddie, which was ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIC, I only wish more could’ve been done about the whole situation and that Maddie would’ve gotten more justice. Secondary Characters & Plots: All of Maddie’s girlfriends were pretty cool. This is the first book I read in the series, so this is my first encounter with Clementine’s character. Her book was already on my to-read list, and I’m still interested in her story, though I personally don’t know how to feel about her history with Daren and the fact that she wrote a best-selling novel about how he cheated on her…

Daren’s football teammates were… not particularly outstanding in any way. They were fine during their scenes, but no one was memorable. And just about everyone that worked with Maddie at that new station was abhorrent. Maybe Roger wasn’t that bad. Nicole was okay for like a moment or two. Everyone else, gross. Favorite Part(s): Daren going to find Maddie after everything blew up in the faces and arriving at her uncle’s house where she was so she could wake up in his arms. Obviously, they still had to talk and work things out, but clearly that was what Maddie needed in that moment and Daren knew that. That was awesome. Final Thoughts: Overall, Kissing Madeline is good. Pretty good leads, pretty good story, sports, set in Massachusetts, good climax. But again, I only gave this four stars because after stepping away from it for about three months, I couldn’t find the original high I got when I first started the book. That and the fact that I wasn’t a huge fan of the way Martin resolved the major conflict of the book, especially in regards to Maddie and her career. But it’s okay. I would still recommend Kissing Madeline. Daren and Maddie’s relationship is too sweet to pass up.

[foursprouthappiness-blog]

12 Hard Things You Need to Hear About Your Attitude

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12 Hard Things You Need to Hear About Your Attitude

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the mind is your ultimate battleground.  It’s the space where the greatest and fiercest conflict resides.  It’s where half of the things you thought were going to happen, never actually happened.  It’s where your inner resistance buries you with negativity.  And, when you allow these thoughts to dwell in your mind, they gradually succeed in robbing you of peace, joy, and ultimately your life.  You think yourself right into nervous breakdowns and bouts of depression, time and again.

I know because I’ve been there.

Honestly, we’ve all been there at times.

But, what can we learn from our trials?  A whole lot!

There’s so much about our lives—and our fate—we can’t control, it makes absolutely no sense to focus all our energy on these things and then neglect everything we CAN control.  We can decide how we spend our time right now, what we choose to focus on, and whom we share our energy with.  We can choose our words and the tone of voice in which we speak to ourselves and others.  We can decide what we will engage in, read and study next.  We can choose how we’re going to respond to challenging life situations when they arise, and whether we will see them as curses or opportunities for growth…

And most importantly, we can choose our attitude, which influences pretty much everything else.

Of course, none of us are immune to occasional mood swings.  But that doesn’t mean we have to succumb to them.  Whether your negative attitude is a common occurrence or just a sporadic phenomenon, it’s critical for your long-term happiness and success that you choose to recognize when your mind is in the gutter, and then consciously make adjustments.

Here are some hard things you need to hear and learn about your attitude (these are the most common attitude issues we’ve seen plaguing our newest course students over the years) and some tips to get you thinking straight again:

Your attitude often reflects a certain level of self-centered self-victimization. – We all have the tendency to put ourselves at the center, and see everything—every event, conversation, circumstance, etc.—from the viewpoint of how it relates to us and only us.  And this can have all kinds of adverse effects, from feeling hurt when other people are rude, to feeling sorry for ourselves when things don’t go as planned, to doubting ourselves when we aren’t perfect.  Obviously, we are not really at the center of everything.  That’s not how the universe works.  It just sometimes seems that way to us.  So, be sure to shift your focus when it makes sense.  When you catch yourself feeling like a singled-out victim, think about other people you might help.  Finding little ways to help others can snap you out of your self-centeredness, and then you’re not wallowing in self-pity anymore—you’re starting to think beyond yourself, for your own good.

Your attitude is still greatly affected by old stories. – In the present moment, we all have some kind of pain: anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment, regret, etc.  Notice this pain within yourself, watch it closely and see that it’s caused by whatever story you have in your head about what happened in the past (either in the recent past or in the distant past).  Your mind might insist that the pain you feel is caused by what happened (not by the story in your head about it), but what happened in the past is NOT happening right now.  It’s over.  It has passed.  The pain, however, is still happening right now because of the story you’ve been subconsciously telling yourself about that past incident.  It’s simply a process of your thinking.  Do your best to see it for what it is.

Your attitude often reflects your inner resistance to reality. – Most people make themselves unhappy simply by finding it impossible to accept life as it is presenting itself right now.  Do your best to catch yourself.  Be mindful.  When you accept the reality of the moment, regardless of how painful, you allow yourself to grow and heal.  Ultimately, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.  Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles.  Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.  Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts, it’s what you do with what you have left.

Your attitude gets caught up in fearing and hiding from change. – Sometimes, no matter how hard it is to admit, there are things in your life that aren’t meant to stay.  Change may not be what you want, but it’s always exactly what’s happening.  Earth does not stop spinning.  And sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest thing you will ever have to do.  Or, saying hello will make you more vulnerable and uncomfortable than you ever imagined possible.  At any given moment, change can seem almost too much to bear.  But, over the long run, change is ultimately the only thing that allows you to learn and grow and succeed and smile again.  So, remind yourself that life gradually changes in each and every moment, and so can YOU, for the better.

Your attitude is affected by your passivity and procrastination. – So many of us waste so much of our time and energy waiting for the ideal path to appear.  But it never does.  Because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting.  We forget that we shouldn’t feel more confident before we take the next step—that taking the next step is what builds our confidence.  And so, we hesitate, procrastinate, and ultimately succumb to the same old routines that have been driving us nuts for far too long.  Truth be told, there are thousands of people who live their entire lives on the default settings, never realizing they can customize everything.  Don’t be one of them!  Don’t settle for the default settings in life.  Find your loves, your talents, your passions, and embrace them.  Don’t hide behind other people’s decisions.  Don’t let others tell you what you want.  Design YOUR journey every step of the way!  The life you create from doing something that moves you is far better than the attitude you get from sitting around wishing you were doing it.

Your attitude reflects your aversion to discomfort. – Many of us don’t want to be uncomfortable, so we run from discomfort constantly.  The problem with this is that, by running from discomfort, we are constrained to partake in only the activities and opportunities within our comfort zones.  And since our comfort zones are relativity small, we miss out on most of life’s greatest and healthiest experiences, and we get stuck in a debilitating cycle.  Let’s use diet and exercise as an example…  First, you become unhealthy because eating healthy food and exercising feels uncomfortable, so you opt for comfort food and mindless TV watching instead.  But then, being unhealthy is also uncomfortable, so you seek to distract yourself from the reality of your unhealthy body by eating more unhealthy food and watching more unhealthy entertainment and going to the mall to shop for things you don’t really want or need.  And your discomfort and attitude both get worse.

Your attitude is often rooted in unrealistic ideals. – You aren’t perfect.  It’s OK.  Despite what you keep hearing inside your head, you can disappoint people and still be good enough.  You can fail and still be smart, capable and talented.  You can let people down and still be worthwhile and deserving of love and admiration.  Everyone has disappointed someone they care about at some point.  Everyone messes up, lets people down, and makes mistakes.  Not because we’re all inadequate or incompetent, but because we’re all imperfect and human.  Expecting anything different is setting yourself up for confusion and discontent.

Your attitude easily defaults to self-contempt. – Next time you catch yourself wallowing in self-contempt, remind yourself that you were not born feeling this way.  That at some point in the past some person or experience sent you the message that something is wrong with you, and you internalized this lie and accepted it as your truth.  But that lie isn’t yours to carry, and those judgments aren’t about you.  And in the same way you learned to think negatively of yourself, you can learn to think new, positive and self-loving thoughts.  You can learn to challenge those false beliefs, strip away their power, and reclaim your self-respect.  It won’t be easy, and it won’t transpire overnight, but it is possible.  And it begins the moment you decide there has to be a better way to live, and that you deserve to discover it.  Make that decision for yourself!

Your attitude gets hung up on longstanding self-limiting beliefs. – Think about a self-limiting belief you have—an area of your life where you believe you are destined to remain stuck.  It can be about any part of your life you hope to change—your weight, your career, your relationships—anything at all.  What’s one thing you’ve essentially decided is a fact about your position on Earth?  And then I want you to shift gears and think about ONE time, one fleeting moment, in which the opposite of that “fact” was true for you.  I don’t care how tiny of a victory it was, or even if it was a partial victory.  What’s one moment in time you can look back on and say, “Hey, that was totally unlike ‘me,’ but I did it!”?  Once you identify the cracks in the wall of a self-limiting belief, you can start attacking it.  You can start taking steps forward every day that go against it—positive daily rituals that create more tiny victories, more confidence, gradual momentum, bigger victories, even more confidence, and so on.  (Note: Angel and I build positive daily rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of the Getting Back to Happy course.)

Your attitude often reflects a lack of presence and self-awareness. – One of the hardest challenges we face in life is to simply live in our own skin.  To just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are.  Too often we use compulsive work, compulsive exercise, compulsive love affairs, and the like, to escape from ourselves and the realities of living.  In fact, many of us will go to great lengths to avoid the feeling of being alone in an undistracted environment.  Thus, we succumb to hanging-out with just about anyone to avoid the feeling of solitude.  For being alone means dealing with our true feelings.  Acknowledging this fact is the first step to healing it.  Begin right now by just noticing with curiosity, and without judgment, all of the ways in which you avoid being in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present moment we call life.

Your attitude has been bruised by inconsiderate people. – At some point, we’ve all been walked on, used and forgotten.  We’ve let people take advantage of us, and we’ve accepted way less than we deserve.  But we shouldn’t regret one moment of it, because in those moments we’ve learned a lot from our bad choices.  We’ve learned who we can trust and who we can’t.  We’ve learned the meaning of friendship.  We’ve learned how to tell when people are lying and when they’re sincere.  We’ve learned how to be ourselves, and appreciate the truly great people and things in our lives as they arrive.  And even though there are some things we can never recover and people who will never be sorry, we now know better for next time.  Remember this.  None of the injustice you’ve experienced is evidence of some fundamental flaw on your part.  None of it makes you unworthy.  It all just means that some people aren’t very good at looking beyond their own egocentric bubble.  But the fact that you are—that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others—is an incredible strength.

Your attitude is often submissive and waits for validation from others. – You won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you have to be a priority to yourself.  Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become your own support system.  Your needs matter.  Start meeting them.  Make your own happiness a priority.  Don’t wait on others to choose you.  Choose yourself, right now!  Breathe in.  You are enough.  You have enough.  You do enough.  Breathe out… let go, and just live right now in the moment with a self-validating, self-loving attitude.  (Note: Angel and I guide our readers though the process of self-validation in the Self-Love chapter of our brand new book.)

Closing Exercise — Attitude Reflection

If you’re feeling up to it, I’d love for you to openly reflect on your attitude:

Which attitude issue mentioned above often gets the best of you?

Who would you be, and what else might you see, if you shifted your attitude in that area of your life?

In other words, think carefully about that specific area of your life and what’s been troubling your mind, and then visualize how your life would be different if you made a positive shift in your attitude:

How would it change your outlook on your present life situation?

Would you treat yourself and others differently?

How would you feel?

How would you behave?

What else might you be able to accomplish?

Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

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