#or despair and the belief that things will never get any better

[kirozai]

—BETTER AT LOVING YOU.

Sae has always believed that playing football was the only thing he was good at. Meeting you drastically changed his belief. Sae is reminded again while trying to teach you how to play football, which you fail. Badly… BUT he still loves you nevertheless.

content warnings: established relationship, tooth-rotting fluff, fem!reader, present to past flashbacks pairing(s): itoshi sae x reader word count: 1600+ A/N: idek

PRESENT.

“I don’t get it! Why the hell are there so many rules to a game that's whole premise is just ‘kick ball in goal, win.’” you say defeated.

Sae knew that this wasn’t going to turn out very well, but after your constant pestering for about 4 minutes, he gave in. 

The result?

Pouty you lying on the turf of the empty indoor pitch after about… maybe 20 minutes? After sliding away every single time he tried to pass the ball to you, you seem to have given up. 

“What if I get hit by the ball or something?” you said before.

“Then move on?” he says questioningly.

You did NOT take that well.

With a great big sigh, Sae makes his way to sit near your body and look at your exasperated face. He brushes away the loose strands of hair in front of your face. His eyes trace yours, “mesmerized and in love” the public would describe. 

Well. Sae is not denying any of those allegations.

“It’s fine,” Sae insisted “You're not planning to be a pro football player any time soon anyways.”

“See but if I was anyone else would you be saying that?” you questioned.

“No.” 

“Hmph! See! It isn’t really fine.”

“You’re you and everyone else is lukewarm and boring. Why does it matter that I treat them differently?” He squints at you.

Your mouth is left agape at his response. 

Sae’s lips turned upturned at the sight. You reply with a big grin on your face. It’s always a treat to see your handsome lover’s smile you always say to him.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

PAST.

Meeting a girl being chased by a seagull was not on his agenda this summer.

Sandwich in hand you rain around the empty sandy beach being chased by one, no wait two, hold on now three?! To simplify it you were being chased by seagulls, many, many seagulls.

Sae watches you with curious eyes, head swaying left and right following you as you try to protect your oh-so-precious sandwich in hand. Finally, after much anticipation, you throw the sandwich at one of the seagulls in despair, but he could tell that you were out of breath. Your hands on your knees heaving after much running from the evil sea birds, you whip your head toward the pinkish-maroon head man. 

Sae not being too far away makes out the words falling from your pretty lips:

“YOU! WHY’D YOU JUST STAND THERE?” You point at him accusingly.

Running up the stairs and… pushing him down to the ground?

“Ah. Oops. I didn’t actually mean it-”

And that’s where your sudden story of love began. After the apologies and bickering you forced him to buy you new food as an apology. Sae looks at you with an eyebrow raised, hands in pockets. 

“I’ve seen a lot of fans trying to ask me out, but I’ve never seen someone as stalkery and insane as you.” He says as if it’s a fact. 

“You were literally watching me for the past ten minutes,” you reply blankly.

Seems like Sae can’t argue with that.

He finds out on your little rendezvous that you're here in Spain for vacation and you aren’t a stalker fan. Though Sae questions if that’s true ever so often. Your intentions are clear though, after this, you want nothing to do with him.

Which… is new...

So in your next days in Spain, somehow fate has linked you two together in some of the coincidental places Every. Single. Day. Much to your avail. 

Sometimes it’s bumping into him again on a random alleyway. Others it’s you getting scammed in a tourist trap and Sae is just “too annoyed” to see a tourist get their money taken away.

Except, every practice he goes to now he wonders if he’ll see you again today. His mind used to be filled with only one thing and that was football, but somehow you’ve wiggled your way into his mind.

Maybe even his heart.

His stone-cold expression to you is just a challenge to break the ice even more and you find yourself growing warmer to the emerald-eye man. 

Your odd compliments and your unique character stir something inside of him. He continues to tell himself that this is only temporary and he’ll forget about you after you leave.

Even though.

Even though, he doesn’t want you to leave.

His brain is now filled with more of you than football. He thinks about what he can do to make you smile, to laugh. He thinks about what gifts you’d like next and if you’d like churros more or xuixos.

You ask him questions past his athlete life and ask him about things he likes to do. Unfortunately, he has no reply. He’s known nothing more than football all his life. 

So you open him to the world of, well, everything else. You force him to go on walks with you and visit random tourist places that Sae’s gone to millions of times, but every time with you seems brighter than the last. You teach him about your hobbies and other places you visited. You talk about your home country to him and reminisce about the times in high school. This summer is different, more you.

Time passes by and you two grow closer. Even his teammates see the subtle differences. They look shocked to see that Sae is doing something outside of practice.

At some point, the spontaneous meetings aren’t enough and at one of your meetings, you take his phone and add your number to him with a cute little selfie of you. You always remind him how much of a dry texter he is, but he always replies instantaneously even to your random texts at 3 am.

You’re “bearable,” he says. 

Bearable enough to have you as the only person who can bypass Sae’s Do Not Disturb.

Time slows when he’s with you, always experiencing new things with you.

Time doesn’t stop completely though.

At some point, you have to leave. It’s only summer after all.

And that fact leaves a bitter taste on his tongue.

You, however, don’t seem a bit worried. Sae frowns at the fact.

Until one day before your departure, he asks.

“Why don’t you seem fazed?”

“Hmm?” you say while stuffing all sorts of pastries in your face.

“About leaving I mean,” he says in a hushed tone.

“It’s not like this is goodbye though. We’re still gonna talk duh.” You say as if it’s a matter of fact.

Sae’s taken aback at your reply. He’s used to your random replies but this one seems so.. genuine. You don’t plan to leave this behind, your memories behind.

You don’t plan to leave him behind.

The day your plane departs is probably one of Sae disliked days. You wave at him but don’t say goodbye, instead it's a “See you Later!”

And you leave.

He wonders if you’ll text back if you’ll really keep your promise of staying in touch.

And you do.

You call him when your plane arrives back in your country. You tell him how bad the legroom was and everything else. He’s happy to hear your voice.

So after some weeks of constant calls, texts, and memes, you ask the dreaded question.

“So.. uh.. What are we?” you laugh nervously.

Sae is lying in his bed, it's currently 11 pm, very much past the time he should be asleep by now. 

“Saeeee…??” you drag out.

He furrows his brows, taking in the question. What are you two?

“What do you want to be?” He internally slaps himself at the reply.

“That’s so ominous.” You joke.

“I mean, I don’t know. Does the famous athlete Itoshi Sae have a secret girlfriend on the side right now?” you ask.

“No. Unless…” He trails off.

“Unless??”

“Unless you want to be mine.” He declares.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

PRESENT.

Sae smiles fondly at the memories. He blanked out out of pure embarrassment, but he recalls your reply being something like “Well you better ask me properly!” He remembers looking for flights for you to come back to Spain. And when you do things become official. You stay at his place because it’s “cheaper”, but you both know that it’s just an excuse. You spend time any time you can. He still clearly remembers the day when you called his penthouse your home. 

He knows he’s not very good at a lot of things out of football, but he knows he’s good at loving you. After a couple of years, he made you his wife. The one he’ll always come home to after a game or practice.

“Whatchu’ smiling about huh?” You beam.

He rolls his eyes.

“Did you just roll your eyes at me?!”

“I didn’t roll anything. You should be practicing rolling the ball around right now.” he says dryly.

“You’re so unfunny Sae.” You drag his arm down and topple on him.

“No more football!” You state loudly.

“No more football,” he repeats.

Sae never thought he’d be saying that line ever in his life. He never even thought of marrying anyone.

But sometimes fate can surprise us.

So while football was a bust for you it was still a good time spent in Sae’s egoist mind. Any time with you is a good time in all honesty.

You may not be the best at football, but that’s okay. He doesn’t need another football lover he just needs you to love him

And with this in mind,

Sae is good at football sure, but he’s pretty sure he’s better at loving you over anything else.

[regulusrules]

A very long meta explaining why the confession scene in Good Omens is the best that has ever been written and performed on screen

First of, the scene begins with two different realisations that makes each of them believe that their dynamic will significantly change (Crowley wanting to confess his love and Aziraphale wanting to break out the news about heaven). This, you can see, creates an unprecedented shift in their energy, makes them super excited (Azi) and super nervous (Crowley) to break the news to one another. And despite the two matters being drastically different, when Aziraphale begins his revelation we don't get the Miscommunication trope where Crowley listens to the offer and passively retreats back his emotions. No. He is steadfast in his resolution, in his love for Aziraphale.

And that right here is king attitude no.1, because even if Aziraphale just threw something so godforsaken on him, he won't allow himself to be cowardly or let go of the one person he loves more than eternity. Crowley still bares his heart, still lets it all out, because he will not lose Aziraphale in his naivete of still believing that Heaven is good and Hell is evil. (I write this with supreme detachment of my own beliefs lol) He tries to make Aziraphale understand that sides didn't do them any good the past 6000 years, that the only solid foundation they ever had was them, and that Crowley would rather have them than have everything.

The way you hear Tennant's voice breaking when he said “And we spent our whole existence pretending that we aren’t”, is the perfect reflection of how Crowley genuinely despairs the time they lost and wouldn't have any more of it. And even with how bare and raw he's feeling with revealing all this, he still goes on. He still tries to tell him and I would like to spend our whole existence together, but struggles and struggles because he's strung wide open. But he keeps trying.

Now you see here a moment of disbelief on Aziraphale's behalf, because he doesn't understand why Crowley would refuse going back to heaven with him when all Aziraphale remembers of Angel!Crowley was how utterly bright his eyes shone when he lit up the stars and surely Crowley must miss that too? He wants the same thing Crowley is saying, just in a different dimension. The “I can make a difference” immediately changes to “We can make a difference” because that's all what’s ever been for Aziraphale; them changing the small engines of the world according to their partnered will. He is genuinely benign and not ill-intentioned when he says “Nothing lasts forever”, because he truly wants a better life for them, a better existence. And that's when it gets better: Crowley has his walls back up, he's walking away, because he can't bear that he was never enough as he is for Aziraphale. That he was never worth reciprocation.

But Aziraphale doesn't let him leave.

And that is king attitude no.2, because he doesn't want Crowley to leave when things are strewn all over the place that they don't know where they stand. All Aziraphale ever wanted was for them to stand on the same ground. He asks him to come back to him but hides it by finishing it with “to heaven!” because the whole conversation is going too fast for him, and he's undergoing a religious crisis of sorts that does not end in 6000 years, yet even so he still doesn't want to lose Crowley because he's everything he has and he can't do it without him and “I — I need you!”

And that's when it gets reaaally interesting. Aziraphale's expression then turns from sorrowful desperation to rageful desperation, because he's baring his heart and Crowley is walking away from him. Their solid ground is completely shaken when he says “I don't think you understand what I'm offering you” because he's trying to be subtle about his love for Crowley and still direct as much as he can, but Crowley responds with a condescending “I think I understand a whole lot better than you do” and if this isn't peak human beings in their arguments, I don't know what is. Because we all think we are so misunderstood every time we get into an argument with someone we love, and we absolutely despise it when we feel patronized, so it's no wonder Aziraphale bitterly says “Then there's nothing more to say”, because if Crowley understands, truly does, then he'd see right past his fear to how much he loves the ground Crowley walks over.

And on the other hand I don't believe Crowley truly meant to be patronizing, but in a desperate last attempt he wanted to make Aziraphale understand what he is trying to say, what he spent his entire eternity feeling for Aziraphale, what Aziraphale would be giving up if he goes to heaven. What their life sounds like with no nightingales.

“You idiot, we could've been.. us” is the very culmination of love confessions. It took every single emotion and equated it. Tennant's delivery of it was unsurpassed in the way that it truly covers everything. And the way he grabbed Aziraphale, not entirely lovingly but desperately and angrily and, honest to God, awfully, is the reason why their kiss is so perfect. No queerbaiting, no beating around bushes. It is raw and sad and giving and agonising. Crowley wants to say see what you're giving up? See what we can have? And all Aziraphale thinks is how could you lay this on me now after everything, after every chance we could've been something, after me loving you from the first time I've met you. He's angry towards himself too, because nothing he can offer Crowley will be good enough that he chooses him instead of his choices. Sheen's choice in making his character grab Crowley's shoulder and let it go and then grab it once more in desperation is so unexplainably perfect of how much Aziraphale wants to hold onto Crowley.

But in the back of his mind, Crowley isn't choosing the same. Instead, Crowley's choosing to run from something that no doubt will rebound in their faces. They are angels and demons of heaven and hell, how could Crowley expect they could run and hide without being a repercussion later on? At least what Aziraphale is suggesting ensures that they will have a high position of power, enough to make them together, enough to make them happy, but instead, Crowley is walking away.

And when Crowley lets go of him, not the other way around because of course it is Crowley who must let go and detach from the utter pain that pierced his heart, you can see his expression being one of defeated longing. He sees all expressions passing across Aziraphale, sees how torn apart the other man is, too, and awaits just a semblance of anything they could work with. But instead, Aziraphale's face closes, and he tells Crowley “I forgive you”, and Crowley thinks this must be his second falling, because he's never felt more pain. “Don’t bother”, he says, yet still waits for Aziraphale outside and doesn't leave until Aziraphale has left him. Because in the end, Crowley would always be there for Aziraphale, even if he doesn’t feel worthy of it.

And that, my beloveds, is why eternity will remember this scene.

[stove-top96]

Better In the Dark

Synopsis

Y Platonic Batfam x GN Meta Reader

Featuring: Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne

0.8K

Just an Idea I had while writing Chapter 3 of water colour eyes. I’m definitely gonna write Chapter 1 soon (maybe this weekend). Let me know what y’all think. I’m in such a writing mood lately so stay tuned for other Ideas and more one-shots.

You really didn’t mean for it to happen, but your mistake never warranted such an extreme reaction. You were careless, relying too much on your powers rather than the proper technique when fighting. if it weren’t for Robin you probably would’ve died. Still, they've all had near death experiences. What makes you any different? It seems like overnight everything’s flipped 180, they’re all more extreme, more obsessed. Don’t they understand your civilian life doesn’t include them? Why are they so goddamn insistent?

For Bruce it was like reliving the same nightmare. Watching helpless as the goons put that power inhibition collar on. Unable to do anything when they struck you over the head. The same helpless despair pooling in his gut from when he watched his parents die, Jason die and now you. This cycle of watching the people he cares about die is one he thought he broke free of, clearly not. While he sits there by your hospital bed, the beep from the heart monitor is the only thing that keeps him going. (Y/N) (L/N) he swears to you that he will never let anyone ever hurt you again.

It was different for Dick, he knew you looked up to Nightwing, to him, Even so he wasn’t there that night. Your hero, the one you aspire to be like, wasn't even there to save you. He’s pathetic, what kind of symbol is he when he can’t even protect the people close to him? He wasn’t even doing anything important that night, he was watching Netflix for god's sake, on a supposed “rest day” while you were giving it your all. He doesn’t deserve to be your hero, you’re too good to him. He knows you’ll say “it wasn’t anyone’s anyone’s fault but my own” deep down he knows the truth. He’ll give up anything to make it up to you, to be someone who deserves to be looked up towards.

Jason was scared. He knows what it’s like to put your trust in others only for them to not be there. Bruce did it to him, but now he’s done it to you. He’s become exactly what he despised. He doesn’t let just anyone grow close to him, but your kindness and authenticity was different, you weren’t fake to him and your kindness started to rub off on him. You were like his sibling, you brought light into his life, and he was supposed to protect that, protect you. He doesn’t know what will happen once you wake up. Knowing you, you won't blame anyone. But will you truly forgive them for not being there? Will you blame him?

Tim was the closest to you. Both of you being similar in age, and sharing a sense of humour it was hard not to get along with you. You were able to match his intellect, and even saved him a few times when Tim Drake was kidnapped and held for ransom (not that you knew it was him). Even more than that, you understood him more than anyone else did. You both started being vigilantes at around the same time, but unlike you Tim only became Robin because no one else would, and you never blamed him for that you also understood Batman needs Robin. When saw what happened he didn’t know what to do. He Joked with you earlier how Gothams became so tame, he should have seen this coming, it was too quiet. He has a plan of action for everything, yet when it mattered he froze. Sure it was only for a few seconds, but that’s life or death. He’s Lucky, you lived. If you didn’t, it would be his fault. How is he supposed to live with himself after such a drastic mistake?

Damian’s perspective changed. You were never on the same level as him, but he thought he could hold your own. It’s clear that belief was a mistake, one that almost cost you your life. you’re weak, someone who just happened to be meta. you’re not like him or the others. You’re meant to be protected, to stay at home while he fights. It was his blind trust in your abilities that you ended up in that bed. He’s grown careless, you made him that way. Your laugh had an uncanny ability to make him feel at ease, he’s never felt so seen by a person before. It was easy to lower his guard around you, a trait of yours he both cherished and envied. He won’t make that mistake again, he knows what he needs to do to ensure you stay protected.

Silence fills the Batcave, the family can do nothing but stare down at you. Unable to do anything but relive that night, they promise nothing like that will ever happen again. They will make sure of it.

[underhell69]

Villain type character for my AU, Otis

Also, I should mention that the canon name for the hetaloids in my AU is 'Embodied Nations' so ill be referring to them as EN for short form.

Otis was born about 5,000 years ago, and he had his whole family murdered by Ivan - who went by the name Goliath at the time (due to his immense stature as a Flesh beast): Goliath was looking for a worthy human to fuse with, as he caught word from other flesh beasts the benefit of fusing with a human, but he didn't just simply wanted to find a random human; He wanted to have some fun with it. So, he told his worshippers that the man who kills the most people would be a worthy sacrifice and would spend their afterlife in paradise. One man managed to slaughter his entire village, however, he was forced by Goliath to kill his own family: the man couldn't do it - Goliath urges him, trying to convince him that his family would see the same afterlife paradise as he would. The man attempts to kill, but the cries from his children prevent him. Goliath gets inpatient and obliterates the man’s family right in front of him, then stating that he made up the whole thing about him and his family going to heaven and that he killed all those people for Goliath’s amusement, just for added nonsensical cruelty. Then he fuses with the man.

However, from sheer luck, one child survives of the family - that being Otis. Goliath, now Ivan (Still goes by the name Russia or Russias embodied nation in modern times) in his new human form and mind, has no urge to kill the child. He finds it odd, it is the first time he's never had an urge to kill (not in the way that he inherited the man’s compassion for his child, more so the human baseline cognitive state of not wanting to kill a child), so he lets that kid go roam the tundra. Otis was then eventually found by Pangea’s cult, and then over time he became the high priest, he still believed that the cruelty inflicted by the Flesh beasts/ENs were for a good reason - The memories of Goliath slaughtering his family was very foggy due to his very young age at the time, and viewed Ivan setting him free to the tundra as like. Some divine plan or some bullshit lol. 

But over time Otis and the rest of Pangea's Cult kept being ridiculed and mistreated by the ENs (example: ENs held a human taxidermy contest using the cultists, telling them that sacrifices would go to heaven if they participated) Otis eventually saw the EN’s as the parasites they are, and disbanded from the cult for the new purpose of eliminating the EN’s - believing that if they destroy the ENs, world peace is brought forth, essentially believing all despair, greed, power hungriness, turmoil, war, famine, climate change and the very human sin is caused by humanities' connection with the ENs.

Otis started to study their biology or any weakness they might have had. However, the cult grew smaller and smaller with time, as they lost hope in ever trying to overthrow literal god-like beings and found it easier to simply live under their rule. Otis never gave up; however, his old age was getting the best of him… desperate to continue his work, he found ancient fossilized flesh beasts and started experimenting on himself by injecting small amounts of it into him. Over time, like the process of building venom immunity, the flesh beast material didn't kill him, but in fact made him somewhat immortal. He doesn't have the super strength of an EN nor the super healing, only being able to live forever. He is somewhat like a living mummy, as his skin and organs atrophied over the centuries of injecting the flesh beast material. In modern times, Otis is the only surviving Pangea Cult member, and while the EN’s are MUCH tamer than they are in modern times, he still has the belief that by removing them - the world would be way better off - as well somewhat motivated by revenge against Goliath/Ivan.

Pangea cultist designs - high priest being Otis pre fossil injection design

Bonus comic of Otis capturing Ivan - showcasing ENs only weakness (from non-ENs) is high voltage, which causes them mild paralysis. There was more to the comic where theres an exposition introducing Otis and his motivation, Ivan scoffs at him, finding it amusing at the very least. He's never seen a revolution from humans like this before. However, he slowly grows more concerned as he's unable to break through the restraints, and Otis able to inflict wounds on him due to him using the remains of long dead flesh beasts to make his weapons.

So as I'm working on some actual plot for my little au, I also wanted to share some notes about Matthew/Canada that I dont think ive shared here yet (besides the fic that I drew fanart for which shares the same idea of his angst being an embodied nation/immortal pseudo god) which is that Matthew hates being what he is. He wants to be a normal human. He even larps on college campuses pretending that he is one

so we have Otis, dude who wants to destroy hetaloids.. and we have an hetaloid who wants to be a human.. and is desperate to be one...and could be potentially taken advantage of under the guise of being transformed into a human and not as a research subject to be used to destroy hetaloids... food for thought.

[anthurak]

Takeaways from the Volume 9 Epilogue:

--

One thing I really like about Oscar’s ‘If there was anything I wish I could borrow from you…’ monologue is that it laid out/confirmed something I’ve always felt was a major aspect of Oscar’s dynamic with Ruby that I nonetheless feel a lot of the fandom has missed: That Oscar very much sees Ruby as a mentor and an example to follow, and how their dynamic is specifically a foil to what we saw between Ruby and Ozpin. That Ruby acts as a mentor and example to Oscar in the same way Ozpin was to Ruby, and that Ruby is a far BETTER mentor and example to Oscar than Ozpin ever was to her. Which, as an aside, is a dynamic I can’t help but feel a lot of people have been misinterpreting as ‘ship-teasing’ and is one of the main reasons I’ve simply never been able to see Oscar as any kind of viable love-interest to Ruby. Frankly the dynamic of ‘Ruby is the mentor and example to Oscar that Ozpin couldn’t be for her’ is simply so much more INTERESTING than any kind of romance could ever hope to be.

--

Even in animatic form, Winter basically going overdrive on the maiden powers was a sight to behold. And her own monologue had all the self-deprecation we were expecting. Our girl is clearly holding on by a thread and it’s going to be REAL interesting seeing how she reacts and adjusts to her sister not actually being dead. As in, I can imagine a situation where Winter tries to throw herself into a heroic sacrifice with the belief that Weiss would make a better Maiden than her.

Also, Winter’s monologue giving major focus to how Penny is super-super-dead-dead-and-definitely-not-coming-back-for-really-realsies, as she is talking to the sister who she ALSO believes is DEFINITELY also dead? Specifically with the words that Penny is gone, when Penny’s last words to her were that she’d be ‘part of you’?

Yeah, there is no way in hell we’ve seen the last of Penny XD

--

The CROWN. Like it was only a few shots, but as someone who read the CFVY Books (which you totally should if you haven’t, they’re great), holy shit I was NOT expecting them to pop up here.

I mean, in hindsight it makes perfect sense that they’d be involved in Volume 10. They’re basically Vacuo’s equivalent to Vale’s criminal element and the White Fang splinter faction as Salem’s co-opted insurgency group, with Jax and Gillian joining Roman, Adam and Jacques as the latest of Salem’s unwitting patsies. It’s definitely going to be real interesting seeing the crew deal with them. Like it’s really fun to imagine Team RWBY in particular being kind of exasperated at seeing Jax’s probably doing a whole ‘With Salem’s help I shall be King!’ shtick after everything they’ve seen with Roman, Adam and Jacques.

Oh and if you don’t know, Jax has a mind-control semblance, so him trying to use that on Yang could actually lead to a sneaky callback to the Justice League crossover, ie; Yang doing a ‘Yeah, I’m not doing THAT shit again.’ XD

--

Qrow’s whole vibe through this is fascinating. Like his section may have been the one we already saw, but after seeing the abject depression and growing despair of all the other characters, Qrow actually being OPTIMISTIC hit so much harder.

--

Raven showing up at the end is… interesting.

I’ll admit that ever since we saw that specific clip a few months back, I’ve been rather conflicts about Raven showing up to deliver RWBY+J to Vacuo, particularly after Ruby’s tree vision. Like for one it felt a bit random and unnecessary. The tree already deposited the Ever After team outside of Vacuo so they didn’t exactly need help getting there. Not to mention that it kind of clotheslines the story-thread set up by Ruby’s vision; that she now has a reason to track Raven down to get the ANSWERS to what happened to Summer. Finally, it’s just kind of… random? Like where did Raven even come from to get the team?

But now having seen the clip with its intended context, I’m definitely more on board with it. Particularly hearing from Kerry and Eddy that the original ending for the penultimate episode had RWBY+J going through the portal to arrive at their memorial stone, and met by a ‘Mysterious Figure’, ie; Raven. Here it feels like were getting more set up to get answers later as to what Raven was doing at the memorial.

And really, now that I’ve thought about it more, this method kind of puts the thread of Ruby going to Raven for answers even MORE into focus. Like the story reintroduces Raven in the present right after Ruby got a vision basically saying ‘hey, Raven is important’. And now going into Volume 10, we’re pretty much perfectly positioned for Ruby to pull Raven aside for those all-important ‘Why were you fucking my mom? What happened to my mom?’ questions.

--

Finally… yeah that ending hit me a LOT harder than I was expecting. Like that ending was HOPE in its purest form and it was honestly beautiful to see. Particularly right now with the future of the show seeming so uncertain. I’ve personally been optimistic about RWBY’s future (in a manner not unlike Qrow’s vibes I suppose lol), but damn the hopefulness of that ending hit especially hard, and was something I’ll admit I needed. And I imagine the rest of us could use as well.

We'll be getting Volume 10. And 11, and 12, and however many more it takes to finish this story. At this point, I have no doubt of that.

[cosmicjoke]

Man, people in this fandom give Kenny way too much credit. There's this trend in this fandom of acting like Kenny should be given credit for not letting Levi die, and excusing his shitty behavior because of the "time period", or because, supposedly, Kenny was just doing what was "expected" of him given the role of "men" in society and how little is supposedly expected of them. Like we're just supposed to accept that Kenny was shitty because society never taught him to be better. Says who? What about Grisha? He was a great father to Eren. What about Erwin's dad? He was a school teacher who clearly loved his son. What about Sasah's father, who was also a caring parent that treated his daughter well? What about Mikasa's father, who despite us only getting a few minutes of in the series, clearly did a good job of raising his daughter, given Mikasa's love for him and her mom? What about Connie's family? There's no indication at all that the way Kenny treated Levi was in any way, shape or form the "norm" for the time period, or what was expected of father's in general on Paradis.

This idea that we're supposed to excuse Kenny's abuse because he "didn't know any better" is bullshit, too. Kenny DID know better. His own grandfather makes mention of doting on him, to which Kenny offers no push back, so we know Kenny grew up with plenty of love in his life. That he came from a good background. His grandfather expresses clear disapproval for Kenny's violent behavior, too, so we know Kenny didn't learn his violence from him. Kenny was just naturally that way. And I'm sorry, but doing the bare minimum for a starving child doesn't make you a hero, not when it's no burden to you to do so, which it wasn't for Kenny. Kenny was flush and in a stable and respected position by the time he came into Levi's life. He was working for the royal family, for Christ's sake. He held a higher rank than most military officers, had more power and resources than most military officers. It would have been the simplest and easiest thing in the world for him to help Levi. It's what anyone would do who wasn't a complete and massive piece of shit. And Kenny only did it because Levi was Kuchel's kid. He wouldn't have done the same for any other, starving child (the way, for example, Levi did with Isabel). Kenny didn't care about children, despite the way he frames it, when he says "even I couldn't let some kid starve". That's just reflective of Kenny's narcissism and hypocrisy, trying to act like he's better than he was. He didn't have any such qualms about slitting Historia's throat. He saved Levi, not because he felt some genuine sympathy for a dying child, but because he felt some half-assed obligation to his dead sister, whom he also failed completely.

He as much admitted he was incapable of feeling empathy or compassion, or showing compassion to another, when he talked about his deluded belief that power is what makes someone capable of being a good person. He's admitting that he's never felt real empathy or compassion for anyone when he says that, because if he had, he would know you don't need power in order to feel those things or in order to be kind. What's more, Kenny did have power. He had the power to help Levi, to give him a good and happy life, and he still didn't, not in any genuine or meaningful way. To the contrary, he instead caused Levi irreparable harm, only caused him untold amounts of trauma and pain, flat out refusing to help Levi escape the despair of the Underground while he continued to live the life of Riley up above, which further demonstrates how his philosophy of power equaling compassion was always bullshit, and how gaining power wouldn't have in any way, shape or form compelled Kenny toward becoming compassionate. Having power didn't make Kenny a better person, it just further revealed his true and ugly nature. Again, he had power, he had strength, and yet he only ever used it for ill and selfish gain. He wasn't able to understand that selflessness is how compassion manifests, because Kenny himself was completely selfish. He couldn't understand doing anything for anyone but himself. He only ever did anything when it was to his own benefit. I would even say him taking Levi in and "raising" him was an extension of that selfishness, because, as I've said before, Levi was a project to Kenny. A guinea pig on which to test his philosophy of power. And we know he was always completely selfish because of Levi's shocked reaction when he, in his dying moments, finally commits an act of selflessness, by giving Levi the serum. That tells us that Levi had never seen Kenny do anything selfless before, and that it was totally out of character for him.

Kenny was a bad person. That's not a subjective statement. He was objectively bad. He was a murderer. He was a serial killer. He killed people for sport. That's the definition of a bad person. This isn't a matter of opinion.

I just get so sick of the excuse making I see from Kenny apologists. The way people act like Levi was lucky to have Kenny. Like Levi should be grateful to Kenny. Yeah, Levi would have died without Kenny. And? That doesn't absolve Kenny of his other actions or undo the lifelong damage he caused to Levi by immersing him into a life of horrific violence and then abandoning him. Also, the claim that Kenny was just teaching Levi to "survive", again, it's pure bullshit, because there was no REASON at that point for Levi to have to remain Underground. He didn't need to learn the skills to survive if Kenny had just given him a life on the surface, the way he was going to do for Kuchel. They say Kenny was teaching Levi to survive like he was doing him some sort of favor, when all he was doing was denying Levi a good life because he was too selfish and fucked in his own head to do right by a little boy who had no one else in the world.

Kenny doesn't get and doesn't deserve credit for failing Levi in every way conceivable other than not letting him starve to death. If that's the standard we're going to measure a parent's love by, then I guess we have to excuse every father ever who made sure their kid had enough to eat, but also beat the living shit out of them, or verbally abused them, or neglected them horrifically, or taught them violence. It's all okay, as long as they gave their kid food once in a while and put a roof over their head (something that's not even clear that Kenny did for Levi). Sure. Just... holy shit.

The way Kenny treated Levi wasn't normal or okay for ANY time period or for any reason. What father intentionally exposes a five year old boy to murder? Give me a fucking break. Kenny did LESS than the bare minimum. He abandoned Levi for long periods of time, he left him alone in a place he KNEW Levi was almost assured to be assaulted, and what's more, is you know Kenny WANTED him to be, so he could awaken his powers and Kenny could split for good. That's inexcusable. It's horrific abuse.

What nobody ever wants to admit is that the kind of life Kenny was living was the kind of life he specifically wanted for Levi. He literally tried to turn Levi into a mini version of himself. I just can't believe people make excuses for that shit. And we can see the damage Kenny specifically caused Levi by comparing him to Furlan and Isabel, who both also grew up in the Underground. Neither of them were as maladjusted as Levi was, socially speaking. That reflects a uniquely isolating and negative experience for Levi growing up, even amongst the harsh realities for children growing up in the Underground City. And again, that's specifically because Kenny intentionally brought brutal violence into his life and neglected him outright. This wasn't some typical case of Kenny just being a deadbeat dad or a little neglectful. He actively caused Levi severe harm, psychologically, emotionally and physically, by exposing him to brutal violence and leaving him on his own in a place filled with violent criminals. He wasn't taking care of Levi or helping him in any way beyond letting his reputation serve as some half-assed deterrent, which clearly wasn't really working, because we see how those men from "Bad Boy" didn't really give a shit about Levi being associated with Kenny. That fact did nothing to dissuade them from either kidnapping Levi or outright murdering him. The only reason Levi didn't die then and there is because his powers awakened, something that Kenny had no guarantee would happen. I'm sure Kenny understood too that his reputation alone wouldn't be enough to dissuade most of the criminals Underground from going after Levi. Kenny wasn't some idiot without worldly experience.

Given Kenny's worship of power and his obvious belief that only the strong deserve to survive, it's pretty clear from the way he neglected Levi that he applied that same attitude to Levi. That unless Levi was able to defend himself, he didn't deserve to live. Him leaving Levi on his own is indicative of that, him refusing to take Levi to the surface is indicative of that. We see that same attitude of Kenny's play out later, during the Uprising arc, when he does his level best to kill Levi. He obviously didn't give a shit if Levi ended up dying if he wasn't able to effectively defend himself against his and his squad's attack.

The apologist attitudes I see toward Kenny really need to freakin' stop, man.

[arthur-lesters-music-stand]

I wrote in this post about all the fun ways Arthur can have OCD. Now I'm going to really get into the kind I think he would have, if he had it: Religious OCD. It holds so much angst potential, it's honestly pretty amazing. If this is a triggering topic for you in any way, feel free to skip this post. Otherwise, enjoy my ramblings.

Okay, to get it out of the way, there's a reason why I'm choosing religious OCD over the other kinds I discussed (harm, existential, relationship, and responsibility). Those four are handled so much differently than his religious feelings in the canon. Mostly that he just doesn't get hung up on these things too much? They come up occasionally, when relevant. Arthur gets upset about them when the topic is actually upsetting. Pretty standard stuff. Religion seems to be the only one he genuinely has complicated feelings on, and dwells on thinking about semi-regularly. So let's make it worse for him!

To set the stage, imagine Arthur, who was raised by cultist parents, given as a ward to a church run orphanage, and grows to despise religion. Maybe those feelings are tempered with age and maturity, but he loathes how much religion is pushed onto him growing up. But more than that, he absolutely fucking hates how much his body seems to want to lean into it, how his mind drifts towards those thoughts like it's second nature. He is at war with himself over a faith he doesn't actually have every single day.

Arthur who mutters prayers under his breath. He says certain lines over and over until he gets the pronunciation and emphasis exactly right, because it won't work if he doesn't. It's supposed to stave off the pressure of his hardest cases, in case he fails, but all it does is pose a distraction to make things worse.

Arthur who had prayer beads growing up, always rubbing them with his thumb in his pocket. When he became old enough to emigrate on his own, he took the first ship away from his church orphanage he could. He didn't expect to feel torn up about losing the prayer beads on the way. Arthur told himself he was grown up enough to not need those old things anyway. Even years after the fact, he finds himself reaching into his pocket to toy with the beads that are no longer there.

Arthur who clashed with Daniel about differing religious beliefs from the beginning. But what Daniel didn't know was how much Arthur didn't just not believe, but actually hated himself for acting like he did. Arthur can't stand him pushing him to do exactly what those horrid thoughts tell him to do, which is to submit to his God and embrace Christ as his savior. Arthur doesn't believe anyone is ever coming to save him; but he can never shake the feeling that he needs saving from himself, and the despair of being doomed for eternity, and that he at least must try.

Arthur who can't ever seem to quite meet a priest's eyes. Every muscle in his body screams at him that he's irredeemably sinful. He'll tarnish holy things with his mere presence. If he looks into their eyes then God will make them just KNOW what a terrible person he is.

John can't tell what rules he's supposed to follow about church because of this. It's respectful to acknowledge people but Arthur avoids priests? Why isn't he allowed to look too much at them? What's so wrong about taking a priest by the hand, they seem so kindly??

Then Oscar comes along. Maybe Arthur actually feels glee at meeting THIS particular priest. He's just as bad as Arthur, and the PI feels he can finally get one over on his type. Oscar is a liar, an accomplice, and a heavy drinker. Not so saintly or holier than thou now, is he?

But then Oscar explains how he DID try to take out a corrupt priest, once. And he's trying his best to help everyone. And he wishes he weren't this way. And Arthur just fucking spirals. Because now, not only is Oscar a priest, but for all his mess and faults, he's genuinely a good person, leagues better than Arthur could ever be. His compulsions get worse, fighting off the ridiculous thought that God must really hate him and he's damned for Hell, because he doesn't even believe in any of that shit, dammit!!

Arthur has to fight with himself constantly about the obsession of God hating him personally, and the intrusive thoughts of what a bad person he is and what he should do to self-flagellate about it. It's dumb, unprecedented for a man to care this much about doctrine he doesn't believe in, scripture he doesn't follow!

John catches and stops Arthur, once, when he starts reopening a scar with his own nails on purpose. He asks what he was doing? Arthur can't possibly explain, but maybe he tries anyway. That he swears he can feel God distance Himself from him for all his misdeeds, and he must repent. Then he vents about how much he hates being this way. And John, perhaps still a bit comfortable with the idea of being the King in Yellow again, offers to make himself the voice of God for Arthur, personally.

John now commands Arthur to redirect his thoughts and behaviors this way and that. Should Arthur ever be unable to comply, it's grounds for another one of their classic divorces. It's humiliating for Arthur to be subjected to this kind of scrutiny and oversight by the "fucking parasite" in his head, but hey, it's better than the one that literally exists in his thoughts.

Arthur who never really gets "better", because that's never how it works with these things. But he learns a slightly different way of handling it. It's technically less self-destructive than what he was doing before, and at least now he's not alone, so he counts it as a win.

Arthur with Religious OCD!

[cringefailvox]

Can you share some radiobelle thoughts? I think it's an excellent ship but suffers from a strong case of fanonification

agreed tbh and long ramble under the cut

this is also the mild gripe i have with certain interpretations of radioapple, just because i do really enjoy their canon dynamic but i get the sense that characterization frequently gets sacrificed for the sexy, which is valid but not my thing. when it comes to radiobelle, i love their prickly push-and-pull of episode 7 especially, where alastor can't help needling and nudging and scratching away at her until she snaps, at which point he puts up his hands and backs off. he wants to provoke her into a reaction, but he doesn't want to actually damage their relationship. i think neither of them trust each other, not in any wholesome sense, although charlie wants to trust him and i think alastor resentfully acknowledges that she's in his corner -- he doesn't want her support, that jeopardizes his independence, but he does want her power and will gladly twist her affectionate overtures in his head so he can justify accepting them. he thinks she's quite naive and unaware of her own bite, and never tires of pushing her into showing her teeth.

on charlie's end, she knows exactly what and who alastor is. she's not stupid, but she is hopeful and kind, and a lot of her displays of optimistic ignorance are played up -- not fake, but exaggerated, i think, as a defense mechanism. it's a shield that protects her from despair. she's never going to be able to take pleasure in pain, so she chooses grit-toothed determination instead of cynical misery because she IS vividly aware of her own power, and how easy it is to misuse. she knows that alastor is a bad person and is absolutely manipulating her, but she chooses to focus on the aspects of his behavior that hint at a better nature inside him, that validates her belief in goodness. he's murdering dozens of loan sharks -> he's protecting the hotel. he's joking about dismembering people to get a commercial aired -> he used his leverage as an overlord to help her. he cornered and manipulated her into owing him a favor when she was at her lowest -> he gave her crucial information to fend off heaven, and then almost died for them. she rewards his positive behavior but aims to be indifferent or gently disapproving at best for his negative behavior. alastor's pride wholly prevents him from noticing this because he thinks she's incapable of manipulating him <3

for me it kind of boils down to each of them trying to make the other worse / better forever. psychological stalemate. alastor wants her to give in to her demonic rage as befits the princess of hell and charlie wants him to accept one (1) comforting hug without hissing at her the entire time

[nightcolorz]

There is something clearly unhealthy and immature about Marius inserting himself into Armand's every meaningful relationship with anyone else.

Yes, he helped Daniel in a crisis situation, but it seems like it could have done without the romantic subtext, right?

Then he became the maker of Benji and Sybelle. And this is the strongest connection, although he had nothing to do with these people 💀

It’s like he’s tying Armand to himself, isn’t it? He takes all his close people. Marius is literally everywhere.

While Armand himself is obviously trying to learn to live independently, without Marius and his influence.

Armand remains trapped in his power. He is afraid of loneliness, and all the people closest to him are attached to Marius for various reasons.

This thought makes me despair. Armand is still dependent on Marius. And, apparently, he's always will be.

Justice for Armand in a show, where Daniel will be on his side, without a sense of duty to Marius for taking care 🤞🏻

AGREED ITS SO FUCKED!!

It feels so insidious, like it comes off like Marius is intentionally sinking his teeth into Armand’s loved ones so that he will be inescapably a part of his life. It reminds me of how abusers r often family members the victims r regularly forced to interact with, but instead of this being inherent to the dynamic Marius is putting himself in those roles to be closer to Armand. I’m not sure that he’s doing that specifically with that goal, but I feel like it has to be at least subconscious.

I always think about how with Benji and sybelle, it seems like his only motivation is to insert himself into Armand’s life in a way that deprives him of agency or authority. He’s literally taking away his children by *making himself the father* and he’s taking away Armand’s agency to make choices for them by making the choice for him and then patiently explains to him like he’s a dumb child that marius just knows better and this was for their own good.

He basically does the same with Daniel, he takes in Daniel when he’s vulnerable and then isolates him from Armand so that Armand doesn’t get to be a part of his life anymore. It’s very parent of a teen mom deciding to raise the kids cuz the mom is too immature, but instead of a teen mom it’s a grown adult who continues to be treated by the parent like he’s too immature to have any relationship that isn’t being directed and controlled by Marius.

back to Benji and sybelle, smth that’s rlly upsetting to me about that plot line is how Marius begins initiating that dynamic by patiently inviting Armand to his house to reconnect with seemingly no strings or pressure attached, and Armand is very hesitant to open himself up to marius for understandable reasons so he is very distant and none responsive to this offer. And so since Armand isn’t budging, marius offers to help him out by looking after his kids, and Armand agrees to that and it’s kind of an olive branch where Armand is allowing himself to trust Marius by allowing him to be alone with his loved ones. And Marius takes that opportunity and decides to inescapably tie Armand to him by inserting himself into his family dynamic and ruining everything Armand has built by making it his own 😭😭 it’s so fucked, and it seems like such a direct reaction to Armand being distant and hesitant to open up to him

I think Marius does all this partly cuz he’s scared to loose Armand, and partly bcus he sees Armand as his biggest mistake who should have never existed, and in that feels responsible for controlling his life/“taking care of him” so that he doesn’t “cause any harm” that Marius would be responsible for. It’s also definitely an insecurity thing. I think Marius is insecure seeing that Armand is fine without him while Marius (guy who should be the “strong one” in the relationship) can’t stop thinking about him, so he tries to take control of Armand and revert back to their old dynamics so that he can validate his own power + validate his belief that Armand needs him

[unetherian]

Things to do when you're a newly awakened alter/nonhuman!

[PT: Things to do when you're a newly awakened alter/nonhuman! end of PT]

[Sorry for any spelling or wording mistakes, I don't speak English fluently]

1/Make an alterhuman journal

Do you have an old, almost empty notebook that you haven't used since the end of your middle school years? Or a little notepad that you received for your birthday and that lies at the bottom of the drawer that you never open? Now is the time to use it!

Write in it your alter/nonhuman journey, what made you wonder if you are alter/nonhuman, the research to find your type, if you are otherlink, what made you choose your type, if you are physically nonhuman, a portrait of how you see yourself in everyday life,...

I will probably do a post in the future on what to put in your journal :3

2/Don't lie to yourself...

Some newly awakened alters/nonhumans intentionally cause false flashbacks or force themselves to shift to feel legitimate... No Don't do this, it's okay if you don't have flashbacks or past life memories, it's okay if you don't shift, it's okay if your type isn't considered "cool" or if it is considered "too common" or "too rare" to be valid. Same for polyalter/nonhumans, it's okay if you really have a lot of types, don't worry. You're valid. You are yourself. Don't lie, just let yourself exist.

3/Ask questions to educated alters/nonhumans

Asking questions is literally a cheat code for educating yourself! Don't be afraid to share your questions on this subject, you will get very rich answers. But be careful which being you are talking because maybe they're not very educated themselves...

4/Be interested in categories of alter/nonhumans who do not have the same experiences/beliefs as you

It's really interesting to understand these other communities better. It makes me despair when I see beings insulting other beings because their experiences are different... Getting to know and respect others is the key to avoiding these kinds of situations.

5/Search for your type!

For alters/nonhumans whose identity is often difficult to identify (otherkin, plantkin, therian, etc.), I recommend doing a lot of research and introspection. Make a list of all the species that could match you, draw a profile, ... There are many different methods to find out who you are. But don't use tests like "What is your theriotype", they are really not reliable (for information I am a feline and I did two tests in one they said I am a wolf and in another a fox so... yeah) Searches can last months and even years, it doesn't matter if you don't find it right away or if you make a mistake. You will find it, I promise you :3

For identities where the type is often easy to find (otherhearteds for example) you are very lucky 😅

For those whose choice of type is often voluntary (otherlink, copinglink, ect) take personality tests, do some research on what you most want/need to be,... Don't worry, you have the right to change your type!

Some alters/nonhumans don't have types, but that doesn't stop them from doing introspection exercises anyway!

For those who have already found their type, nothing prevents you from doing other research (to write in your alter/nonhuman journal, perhaps), for example fun facts about your type, types of gears not very well known that you would like to buy/make, learn how to draw it, lern their body language etc.

6/Make a den/nest!

Some being really like to make a cozy little corner just to become a little being in their cabin, and others like to make a majestic pillow fortress to protect themselves from human society. Get your covers on, let's go!

You can also create them outdoors, on your territory. (Don't forget to hydrate yourself, especially if it's hot)

Torn from Therian territory made tutorials (on YouTube) for indoor and outdoor dens, I recommend them!

7/Try to shift (if you want to/can)/species euphoria

I know that some alterhumans don't shift, can't voluntarily shift, or just don't like it, but sometimes shifting can be liberating and cause species euphoria (the opposite of species dysphoria).

If you don't want to/can't shift you can also do activities that bring you closer to your identity!

8/Make a scent marker!

If your type is territorial, I highly recommend this! It's a kind of little "potion" where you can find your scent + some plants that remind your scent and your territory, and you can spray it in your territory. Some beings add a little essential oil. Torn also made a video on the subject, "How to make a scent marker?".

⚠️Do not use environmentally harmful elements in this "potion"!⚠️

9/ Try activities related to your type/identity!

In our communities, when we talk about connecting with our identity, we often think of gears, quads, vocals,... But there are many other ways to get closer to your alter/nonhumanity! For example, a therian Ibex can practice rock climbing, a spacekin can learn astrophotography, an ockin can write a whole universe around his oc, a naturesoul can keep a journal where it tells all his past incarnations,... All forms of art can bring you closer to who you really are! (drawing, animation, story/poetry/song writing, music, etc.) No need to be an artist with incredible talent, try and have fun, it will already be a thousand times better than nothing! Even if you haven't found your type yet, let yourself be guided by your instincts and what makes you tick!

10/Read positive things about alter/nonhumanity

Sometimes, with the dramas, the insults from the anti, the non-accepting people, the doubt of really being an alter/nonhuman, the imposter syndrome,... There are times when you feel horribly wrong and misunderstood.

I really understand how it feels, when I first came into the community I was constantly asking myself "am I really therian?" "Is this just a teenage fantasy in search of identity?" "No one will support me..."And sometimes I would go on YouTube to take my mind off things and I would come across a stupid video that invited alter/nonhumans to commit the irreparable.

During this time I was only focusing on the negative part of being an alter/nonhuman. But, we must not forget these positive sides. We tend to talk more about our problems on Tumblr because for many, it's the only place they can confide freely. It's a way of "getting your emotional juices out", it's like therapy for some. But in reality, there are many positive and fun sides to being alter/nonhuman. It's true that by forgetting all that, it's more complicated to accept yourself as you are. Written alterhuman/nonhuman/objectkin/otherlink/therian/otherkin/ect positivity on Tumblr. You'll find so much comfort there!

I hope this helped you, remember, as long as you don't hurt anything or anyone intentionally, you are completely valid! You have the right to be yourself.

Take care of yourself, drink water and have an amazing day/evening/night!

Bye!

[starshipsofstarlord]

“I’ve changed. Give me another chance.”

Summary-> Kai returns from Hell, realising that he has a lot of making up to do with the woman that he loves, although she doesn’t want to give him her forgiveness, he isn’t deserving of it after the destruction that he released (1.6k)

Warnings-> angst, mentions of death, loss of magic

kai parker works other tvd works main masterlist

He could feel the judgement through her eyes, it made him feel sick - guilty. There was nothing he could do take back his past actions, but he could be better for his future ones. She was always the one that claimed that he wasn’t an abomination, but now she was looking at him as though she had never thought that, as though she was like everybody else.

“Damon, how could you?” Her voice was hoarse as she squinted towards the vampire, exasperated by the situation before her very eyes. It showed that she was far past caring and had finally fallen down the hole of thinking Kai Parker was a monster. She’d been there at the wedding, she saw the destruction that he had caused, the carnage that had came from his endless chaos. There was bitterness on her tongue as she looked at him.

“Y/n, this isn’t about you and him,” it never had been, Kai thought, “we’re all trying to stop Cade. Mister lactose intolerant here included,” Damon cringed as he remembered Kai’s stomach problem in the diner, “so we might as well work together. It’s nothing personal and he’s the only one that can bring Elena back.” Of course, he had to be getting something out of it other than defeating the most dangerous enemy that they had faced.

Y/n was friends with Elena, but that had obviously never mattered to Kai, he only wanted to cause an outrage of pain, and she was the one still suffering from it. Her y/e/c eyes rolled as she crossed her arms, the only emotion boiling in her body being outrage. “And what, he’s going to be the one to turn me human again after I died along with his sister and countless others? You saved me Damon, and for that I am grateful, but this… this I’m sure as hell not.”

Kai’s eyes widened from her words, staring at her. Not only had he massacred the last of his coven and snapped the necks of vampires, but he had killed the only person he held any emotion for. It felt like he were being staked in the heart, he knew how it felt to be a witch without power, but now y/n wasn’t even that. She wasn’t a witch any longer because she had no time to heal, and she had succumbed to death with poison in her system. She’d turned, and he hadn’t even been there to hold her for her final moments.

“Y-y/n…” there was a lump within his throat, making it rather unbearable to even breathe. He had told her that she shouldn’t have gone to the wedding of Alaric and Jo, but she had never been one to listen. And then she had tried to stop him… It was all his fault, their powers collided as she grew weak, blood pouring out from the wound in her stomach from the splintered roof, and then she watched Damon kill him.

There wasn’t a single thing that he could do to make things right, he realised that. She should never have trusted him, otherwise dying from his fault wouldn’t have pained her so much. They’d been the Romeo and Juliet of the present, sneaking into the forbidden depths of romance despite the resent that her friends held towards him. And now that was over, and Kai knew that it would be a tough road to even get close to where they had once been.

“Save it heretic, there’s not a single thing that you could ever say to fix the damage that you caused. But we can all work together for the greater good.” A scoff escaped from y/n’s mouth at Damon’s words, followed by a roll of her y/e/c eyes. Damon was always so selfish, thinking of his closer circle of his brother and his lover rather than those that he called his friends. He should have understood y/n’s angry despair, he had experienced the same new bloodlust that chipped at his humanity.

But he had never experienced his entire beliefs ripped away from him; y/n’s magic was gone, and there was not a single route that she could go do to resurrect it. It had been the biggest part of who she was, and it was gone, much like how she wanted Kai to be. He’d betrayed her, broke her heart, and worst of all, caused the downfall of her existence. She had to hate him, otherwise she couldn’t stand herself for feeling anything else for him. “The greater good would be detaching his head from the rest of his body again.” She said ferociously, nostrils flaring as her breaths were laboured from her fuelled aggression.

“Ouch.” Kai muttered, feeling a pang in his heart from her words. He’d never wanted to harm her in the slightest, but for the majority of his life he had never gotten what he wanted. He wanted to beg her for forgiveness, and whilst he knew that he didn’t deserve it, he couldn’t help but allow the plea to fall from his lips. “I’ve changed. Give me another chance.” For a moment he wished he had said not a single thing as y/n sped towards him, boiling tears restrained within her eyes. She were vulnerable in his presence, Damon knew that as he stood in the background as a watcher. He wanted to intervene, to protect his friend who had become heartbroken because of this monster, but he understood that she had to do this - had to put him in his place.

“Damon, could you give us a moment?” What?! Y/n had to be delusional if she thought he would willingly leave her alone with Kai Parker, the man that had caused him to turn one of his best friends into a blood sucking creature. She’d supposed to have fulfilled the closest to a human life out of all of their friends, but all because of him she hadn’t gotten the luxury that they had all wished for. He was worried to leave her alone with Kai, she’d either fall down into the depths of her unreasonable emotions for him again, or kill him, and as much as Damon hated to admit it, they needed him at the moment.

“Are you sure?” He tried to read her eyes but she wouldn’t meet his eyes, instead her glare was directed at the heretic that had broken her heart all over again. Y/n was always and had always been one stubborn girl, she’d defended her relationship with Kai when it had first become knowledge to all of her friends, but she had always been loyal to those that cared most about her. Damon wouldn’t allow her growth after her death to be jeopardised all because of a sociopath that had feelings for her. Finally her eyes reached his, they were drenched with the pain and sorrow that her old lover had caused, and Damon finally understood that whatever she wanted to say to him or do to him was necessary. “Okay.”

Damon sent her a comforting smile, before finally and adamantly leaving the room. Kai felt a swell of hope rise in his chest when she looked at him, perhaps he could redeem himself in her eyes one final time. Kai took another dangerous step towards her, craving her personal space to be wrapped around him. “Can you ever forgive me?” His voice cracked, she had been the only person not to see him as a monster and he had messed that up to. It was the reason why a person dared not give a cat a mouse, it was life threatening, and she had died all because of him. She frowned, staring up at him with her stunning y/e/c eyes, shooting daggers into his form as though he were the enemy instead of Cade.

“Not in a million years.” She answered hun truthfully, gnawing on her lip as she held back the tears that had formed in her eyes. “It will take forever for me to ever want you back in my life, after what you did, I lost myself. You’re so damn selfish,” her hands pounded on his chest, in her attempts not to break down from the sheer anguish that his presence made her feel. “If you had just let bygones be bygones, there may have been a chance for us, but you couldn’t just let it go for once in your life, or for me. I know that I couldn’t have stopped you from killing Jo, when you set your mind to something it’s a fixation, and it doesn’t matter who gets in your way.”

“I’ll wait then.” Kai spoke seriously, daringly holding her elbows in his hands, staring honestly into her face. His eyes traced every crease that her confused frown burdened her face formed, taking in every detail even though she would never age again. “Forever will be here before I know it, and until then, I’ll do whatever you want, just to ease the pain that I have caused. I never had the intention to take anything from you, much less your reason to live, but I will try my best every day, just for you.” He should have known at the wedding that she would have entangled herself in the crossfire, and that she would have tried to stop him.

Y/n deserved so much better than the pain that he had given him, but as she had stated, he was selfish, and he needed her. He missed every fibre of her being that had tried to send him on the right track, but here they both were, monsters in their own flesh, mixed emotions moulded between them like a wall. If he’d had any sense, he would have understood that y/n’s stubbornness and loyalty had enhanced, and neither laid towards him, not after his murderous schemes. But he was adamant to change that, and fix himself into a better man for her along the way. He’d make her death have reason, so that after forever, they would have their fresh chance together.

[lune-moon-nuit]

I don’t know if I have the right to say this, but I see so much of myself in the character of Will, even though I’m a cisgender heterosexual woman... Of course, I could never fully imagine all the struggles he goes through as a young gay teenager in the 1980s, living in a small rural town in the United States. But as someone who spent ten years of her life harboring romantic feelings for one of her closest friends from high school—constantly orbiting around each other in a space filled with ambiguity, never truly taking that step because he was always in relationships with other girls, while I was the one helping him fix those relationships, sacrificing my own feelings in the process—I know a pain that is eerily similar. The pain of being the friend who’s always there when he needs her, but whose feelings are never returned.

But more than anything, I relate to Will’s despair—the belief that I can’t fall in love, and worse, that I’m incapable of being loved. Even if the reasons are different for Will and for me. For him, it’s being gay in the 80s. For me, it’s being a survivor of physical, sexual and psychological abuse, of grooming when I was a child and a teenager. I suffer from such severe post-traumatic stress disorder that I am incapable of sleeping with a man without experiencing panic attacks, dissociation, or vaginismus—unless I’m intoxicated. Which led me, for years, into a cycle of one-night stands while drunk, trying to maintain a sexually active life even though I never really felt any pleasure. At least, I felt normal. Everyone around me was either in relationships or having active sex lives, and I just wanted to feel like I wasn’t broken. So I followed the crowd.

But… the thing is, I can’t pretend anymore. After years of depression, of not understanding what was wrong with me, the fog of traumatic amnesia finally began to lift. And with horror, I started uncovering piece by piece what I had lived through as a child. Just as I began to realize that the only love I ever experienced—at 18, with the school supervisor almost ten years older than me—was, in fact, an abusive grooming relationship. He manipulated me and violently abused me for nearly two years. And I was so in love. So emotionally dependent on him. So desperate for him not to leave me—because he always left without warning, only to come back a few days later, and it happened over and over again—that I was willing to accept anything. Whatever he did to me, no matter what it was, no matter if I didn’t want it or if it hurt or if I was confused and lost—it was better than being discarded again.

But now, here I am, completely unable to build a relationship with a man. Unable to create romantic or intimate bonds without fleeing, without self-sabotaging, without isolating myself in the pain and loneliness that I impose on myself. And the fear, the deep conviction that I’m going to end up alone and that I will never know love—it never leaves me. I feel trapped in a prison I built myself, and I don’t even know how to get out.

And every time I start to feel better, every time I start telling myself that I don’t need anyone, that I’m strong and independent and that I’ve made progress and I’m mentally okay—another flashback comes. All the physical and psychological symptoms of PTSD return, and I’m once again crushed by the harsh reality that I might never be capable of truly loving or being loved. That I might never know what it feels like to be held by someone you love, in peace. To feel loved. To feel like life has meaning. That what you live with this person is the answer to all the questions. I’ll never know any of that.

Because I’ve never been loved. And the one time I let myself fall, the one time I surrendered and truly loved someone, I was treated like the worst kind of thing. Like a ragdoll thrown in the trash, only to be picked up again to be played with, then thrown away again—and this cycle never stopped for two years.

I’m sorry for this post. I just feel incredibly awful tonight. So alone. So desperate. I don’t even know who to talk to. Maybe, at least here, someone will understand what I’m feeling. I’m sorry if I offended anyone, but I needed to get this out—this feeling of why I relate so much to Will, even though we seemingly have nothing in common.

[002yb]

Hi Toney, I am so happy that you're feeling better, I got a bit worried when I didn't see any new posts from you.

What do you feel about Jason's reaction to Jaybin getting displaced in the timeline and popping multiple years in the future, and suddenly there is Jaybin and all of his barely hidden hero worship and utter love for Dick. And Dick is so good to him, and so smitten and Jaybin is so precious and blushy and two steps away from fainting every time dick hugs him or ruffles his hair, and Jason is so jealous cause dick is being better to Jaybin than he ever was to Jason in the past. But they're both Jason!!

#i am really happy to see you again on my feed #hopefully I'm not coming off as rude #curse you ADHD

Hey there, thank you for your concerns!  Though I’m sure it’s apparent, the posting is still lacking – sorry about that.  I appreciate that you like seeing my posts come across your dash though.  Thank you so much. ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

Jason being put off by Jaybin because 1) he’s treated better than Jason, 2) he’s envious of the positive attention freely given to him and 3) Jaybin is stupidly naive and Jason knows there’s only disappointment waiting for him; he’s just waiting to get taken advantage of and hurt.

What’s more, he’s insecure.  Because Jason has always had this belief that everyone preferred who he was to who he is.  This experience only confirms that for him.

Needless to say, Jason is terse when Jaybin is around.  He’s not kind at all; par for course though – it’s him, at the end of the day

And it’s not like Jaybin complains about Jason’s aggression, confused as he is (because wtf happened?  why is he such a bitch??), but Dick notices and is none too pleased.

Which leads to dickjay fights as Dick comes to Jaybin’s defense

And Jason just loses it because insecurity gets the best of him.  Because he’s convinced that he’s no good as he is.  That’s why they’re all always fighting, why Jason is always toeing lines and watching his back.  Because he came back wrong – twisted.

Maybe it would have been better if Jason stayed dead.  Because they could have kept Jaybin and not been burdened with the scraps that came back.

Maybe Jaybin hears it:  ‘We die?’

And Jason snarls, all bared teeth, a wounded animal pushed into a corner:  ‘Yeah, because you were looking for something you’ll never fucking have,’ and despite himself Jason’s voice breaks because, ‘Family.  Love.  Grow the fuck up.’

What’s to love?  What’s to want?

Just Jason being so cruel to his younger self because he hates how dumb he was.  But also?  He hates how easy it is for Jaybin to trust and love and be loved.  Because Jason doesn’t have that.  Not anymore.

And Dick is ready to intervene.  He doesn’t know if he wants to snap at Jason for being so cruel to a child (himself!) or if he wants to comfort him because Jason is wrong about his perceived lack of value/worth, but also?  He wants to throw down because this dumbass – projecting his own feelings over Dick’s.  But then again, reevaluating everything because maybe Dick (and everyone) haven’t been as forthcoming or forgiving as they should have been.

So Dick ends up being paralyzed because Jason is volatile and Dick can take him in a fight, but that’s the thing – he can’t fight him in light of Jason’s despair.  He doesn’t know how to comfort him though.  Doesn’t know how to– fuck.  Doesn’t know how to love him.

A devastating realization that takes the fight right out of him.

But it’s fine, because Jaybin is there to throw down.  With that ornery brand of kindness that is uniquely Jason.  Just Jaybin being able to read Jason because they’re the same.  Because Jason hasn’t changed as much as he thinks from back when he was fifteen and hurting.

Something something Jason’s vulnerabilities being exposed by himself.  A weird therapy of sorts with confronting past and present.

Which eventually leads to dickjay.  In the form of one of the Jasons blurting out about their crush on Dick and that’s when everything stops because uh oh.  Both Jasons turning with matching blushes and flustered expressions at where Dick stands off to the side, wide-eyed and overwhelmed because there’s just a lot going on, y’know?

And yeah, eventually Jason reconciles with his past self.  Maybe Jaybin would get a kiss from Dick before Jason ever gets a chance and Jason is left blustering because why the hell is he such a cheeky little bitch, omg. ///A/////

Which leaves Dick and Jason with the fallout of everything.  And Jason doesn’t want to do any of it; forget it.  Only Dick won’t leave it alone.  No attention would be given to the crush, but Dick would make sure Jason knows that he’s loved.  And he’d make better efforts in showing it.  And being more understanding to Jason’s perspective; being in his corner.

During which time Jason falls in love a lot more because he’s so weak to kindness.  And Dick’s heart breaks because it’s not anything at all (only it is and he knows that now).

Something something slow burn healing of relationship which leads into a tentative friendship which leads into a strong partnership and eventually that undying crush gets addressed lol.

[createserenity]

Master List of My Fics and WIPs

All titles link through to the fics on AO3.

24 Hours (I've Waited My Whole Life) (E, 26k - wip)

Aziraphale was not expecting any visitors on his birthday. He definitely was not expecting a tall, handsome man with glorious copper-coloured hair and a wicked grin, yet he couldn’t deny one seemed to have turned up at his door. It was not exactly clear why the man was there, but Aziraphale had a sinking feeling about the whole thing. He was going to be having some very stern words with Anathema when she got back from her honeymoon. (Human AU)

All The Pieces of You (E, 92k - complete) All The Pieces You Are (E, 15k - wip) - Part 2

A through the ages, mostly canon compliant mixture of angst, smut, fluff and ridiculous historical adventures.

My Longing is Always One (E, 9k - wip)

Canon fic that is a missing adventure from the All The Pieces universe. Contains smut, fluff and pining!

Earth Is Hollow (But I Have Touched the Stars) (G, 5.7k - complete)

Nina wants to know exactly what Heaven and Hell are like, so she asks Crowley. What starts as a rather confussing discussion about the nature of the universe soon turns into something she did not expect at all.

Can a human ever understand what it's like to love someone for 6000 years and then lose them?

The Painted Veil (E, 90k - complete)

Written for the Silver Screen Bang for @do-it-with-style-events. With beautiful art by @mirjam-writes

When circumstances force them into an ill-advised marriage Crowley finds himself undertaking the journey of a lifetime, first to Shanghai and then beyond into the heart of China, where he faces challenges he never expected and is forced to confront not only outside dangers, but also his beliefs about himself, Aziraphale and what their marriage could be.

Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance between two people.

Why Are We In A Box (E, 7k - complete)

Smutty fun when the two ineffables accidently get stuck in a box. Featuring one disaster demon and one bastard angel.

Sunlight In Your Smile (M, 77k - wip)

Aziraphale has to attend a family wedding and he may have told a bit of a white lie. Of course he doesn't actually have a boyfriend. So now he needs to find one and in despair he turns to an escort agency for help. (Human AU)

It's You (M, 3k - complete)

He doesn't like Crowley and Crowley doesn't like him. Right? Azirpahale can't possibly have got that one wrong. (Human AU)

Waking Up With You (G, 1.6k - complete)

After six thousand years together and free from Heaven and Hell, Azirpahale realises they need to take the next step in their relationship. Fluffiness all round!

In The Beginning (E, 8.9k - complete)

In the beginning there was a garden and the Angel of the Eastern Gate and the Serpent of Eden decided that there are better things to do than stand around in the rain getting wet.

Better Than Today (E, 4k - complete)

Whenever they fucked, Crowley said, "I love you."

Smut with a fluffy ending.

Give In To Desire (E, 4.4k - complete)

Just another fic speculating on what happened in the basement during the Job minisode, because you can never have too many of those, right?

A Day For Magic (T, 3.4k - complete)

In which there is a bench, a park and a coin, which leads to silliness and fluffiness all round.

Fic inspired by these kisses.

A Time of Wanting (T, <1k - complete)

Short ficlet that's fluffy and happy, despite how the summary makes it seem. Also inspired by the kiss picture linked above.

Romantic Nonsense (G, 1.4k - complete)

Established relationship fluff where Crowley is a sappy, romantic demon (though he'll deny everything) who takes Aziraphale ice skating.

Goodnight Angel (E, 14.4k - wip but also works as it is)

Post lockdown-phone-call fic.

Aziraphale had told him not to come over, but he was a demon and obviously he wasn't going to listen. Besides he was going out of his mind with boredom and going to see the angel was a much better idea than a long nap.

WIPs

Apart from my main wip All The Pieces of You I've also got a follow up to In The Beginning in the works and eventually I'll go back to Goodnight Angel as well. Apart from that I'm going to list my wips here and try to keep track of them with tags and get a bit better at posting about them.

After The Swap

Blind date

Dance for Me

All The History (That Ever There Was)

Entertain Me

Books, books and more books

Lockdown Lifted

So You Can Take It Off (Desperately want to finish this because it's different to anything else I've written)

South Downs

University

You Are The Best Thing

This Land of Ours (fits in the Pieces of You universe)

1200s fic for the Pieces of You universe

Golden Age of Piracy fic for the Pieces of You universe

[valtsv]

This sounds like an amazing scene. Please tell me more.

so Valentine and Reaver (tentative names, i'm still not sure i like them) are both extremely damaged people living utterly miserable lives in a pre-apocalyptic world. Valentine is a celebrity, a star soldier, a former no-name nobody orphan of the apocalypse who gained fame and fortune and success through apparent sheer good fortune, hard work, and innate charisma. but she has no identity outside of piloting. they lost their entire world as a kid when her town was destroyed, and as a result of that traumatic experience developed the belief that the only way she can ever hope to matter or be worth anything is by making a name for themself, making herself impossible to ignore, for fear of dying alone and forgotten. so they've dedicated their whole life to piloting, and sustain themself on the praise and adoration of the masses and her superiors, and have virtually no life outside of that, let alone plans or dreams for the future. she doesn't often let herself entertain her own personal desires, believing it's pointless; doesn't form connections with other people outside of the professional and transactional because they feel they have nothing else to offer. they're a shell of a person, a pretty face for the propaganda posters and a brilliant smile and shiny medal-laden uniform for the press and a machine of war to inspire the troops. and because of her single-minded total dedication to piloting, she's always first to volunteer for combat and last to accept any assistance or admit to any perceived weakness; their body is literally falling apart from pushing it too hard and hidden beneath their clothes is a patchwork of skin grafts and wounds that refuse to heal held together by glue and stitches and infection that's slowly spreading and killing them. but Valentine is determined to keep going until she drops or dies in combat, to be a martyr for the cause and for public opinion. she has nothing else.

Reaver is more or less the opposite. he's washed-up, a failure, out of time; a good soldier and a good man but a bitter, lonely, cynical wreck of a person. he was never recognized for his efforts like his peers, possessed too much candor and not enough charisma to ingratiate himself with his superiors, was well-liked but always secondary at best to those who burned brighter and were willing to compromise their principles and ethics in exchange for opportunities for advancement and promotion. he drinks too much, cares for himself too little, treats every opportunity to save lives like an obligation and every failure like an inevitability, pushes everyone away before they even get close out of fear of being hurt or abandoned again, and has generally made himself hard to love. at the same time, he's resentful, aloof and unapproachable, sneering with contempt at everyone around him and taking a certain grim satisfaction in self-sabotage and lashing out because it allows him to justify his misery. he and Valentine hate each other because he pities Valentine more than he resents them; he sees Valentine as naive, overconfident and shallow, a bright young thing that will be used til it burns, so he's cruel to her. and Valentine, in turn, is furious at Reaver for his selfish attitude, for allowing himself to descend into despair and self-loathing at the expense of potentially the entire rest of the world, for giving up the opportunity to do good and childishly railing against everyone who comes near him because he didn't get patted on the head enough for his efforts.

they absolutely loathe each other at first, because they see their worst fears in each other, their worst selves, who they could have been if things had just been a little different, and the brutal truth that they would be no better off or happier in the other's place. however, they're forced to work together and regularly be in close proximity to one another by the inexorably advancing apocalypse and budget cuts in military spending, and their bitter conflict helps to peel back the layers and walls they've built up around themselves and get them to confront how badly they've been failed and hurt by the rest of the world and begin to find solace in each other, in their shared experiences and pain and the love and comfort and hope and meaning they can offer each other.

[blueopinions49]

Healthy/Unhealthy 7

Healthy Social 7

Bella Baxter (7w8 so/sp)- She begins the story with the brain fo a child and as she develops she becomes incredibly curious about the world around her. She craves freedom and looks to make the world a better place as she grows. Eventually becoming a doctor.

Mark Grayson (7w6 so/sx) - With the heavy weight of being omni mans son he looks to be helpful to others. As his journey goes on he struggles to keep his positive mindset.

Lucy Maclean (7w6 so/sx)- She starts the show bright eyed and trust full of everyone around her. As she develops we see her contrast with the ghoul. We see her integrate towards her 1 a bit more as the show goes on. While still keeping the golden rule.

Unhealthy Social 7

Tanya (7w8 so/sp) While her desire for freedom for Edenia can be seen as good hearted she usually manipulates people to get her way. She schemes and uses other for her self gain rarely if ever caring of the colateral damage.

Hugo De Rune (7w6 so/sx)- Due to him being a child and infected with the Macula he tends to lash out and cause distraction. Even tho he has a general love and appreciation for life.

Luis Serra (7w6 so/sx)- When he left the village he set out to do some good in the world. Eventually leading him to umbrella and commit atrocities. In RE4 we see him trying to redeem himself.

Healthy SelfPreservation 7

Gambit (7w8 sp/sx)- While he started a bit apathetic to anyones needs he integrated well into his 1 and eventually joining the xmen.

Prince Naveen (7w6 sp/sx)- Meeting Tiana made him snap into place and start focusing on the longevity of his life and purpose. Best example of a 7 moving into 1.

Samantha Jones (7w8 sp/sx)- While she doesn't have any drastic development in the show. Samantha proves that you can still be kind, generous and a good friend without having to integrate. She is just happily enjoying life and its pleasures.

Unhealthy Self Preservation 7

Frank Gallagher (7w8 sp/sx)- The over indulgent of the life he lives ends with him essentially never taking into consideration anyone else's needs but his own. Eventually passing away in the end.

Frank Reynolds (7w8 sp/sx)- While he started like an organized business man in the show. We see how he devolves into a slob of a person who indulges in everything. Frank is basically the epitome of the 7s gluttony.

Ridby (7w6 sp/sx)- He is very immature and even the little development he gets in the show isn't enough. He doesn't really take into consideration Mordecai's feelings allot of the time and usually is the one to ruin things and cause trouble.

Healthy Sexual 7

Lucy Gray Baird (7w6 sx/so)- Always firm on her beliefs and where she stands morally. While she craves love and connection she doesn't let those idealist view of romance get in the way of reality.

Saga Anderson (7w6 sx/so)- Upbeat and caring, Saga learns to deal with the dark place and the how the story changes in AW2. We see her fall into pits of despair in the end a bit. But she remembers who she truly is and gets out of the dark place.

Harley Quinn DCEU (7w6 sx/p)- In the start of the DCEU we see Harley using relationships as a distraction usually ignoring reality in order to suit jokers. In BOP we see her fully detach herself and be happy being alone. Later on in SS 2020? we see her fully independent and not letting love get in the way of reality.

Unhealthy Sexual 7

Roman Roy (7w6 sx/sp)- Looking for love and connection in others. He tries to connect with his father and eventually Gerri. This connection not lasting long. In the end we see Roman step down as CEO and finding peace within himself.

Jobu Tupkai (7w8 sx/so)- This is what a 7 disintegrating towards 4 looks like. Jobu wants to find joy (no pun intended) and love with the relationship with her mother. However, throughout the movie she disintegrates towards 4 and believe that nothing matters. In the end she repurposes the idea nihilism into something more positive.

Mr. Peanut Butter (7w6 sx/so)- While he grows a bit through out the show we see how he doesn't out grow of his cycle of looking for relationships to ignore reality.