#or continue to go at it alone knowing that not even staying alive was guaranteed

[ambrozians]

jade being an example of how quickly the child sidekick idea can devolve into complete weaponization of a child and how that experience carries into adulthood is one of the reasons why she is a great narrative foil for the titans, particularly the fab five.

none of the fab five's mentors are perfect parents and/or teachers. each of them have made mistakes that have hurt their children but, at the end of the day, they love and care about them, and they are also fundamentally good people who want to see good in the world. meanwhile, wen chang saw a little girl whose goal was to survive by any means necessary and was terrified of being forced back into the life she escaped. instead of nurturing her and helping her to overcome her fear, he manipulated her and dehumanized her. wen might claim that he loves her but that "love" is warped because he feels as though her created her (cheshire, rather). anything or anyone who reminds her that she is, in fact, a person capable of emotion and all the things that come with humanity is a threat to his "creation".

[ssadumba55]

More Jack Skellington and Ghost Child! Reader

Request: Another jack Skellington father figure headcanons please

A/N: Continuing the canon that was established here

One of your little found family's favourite things to do together was read a book at night. It was the only thing that could guarantee everyday to pull Jack from his planning from next Halloween.

The bedtime routine had become your favourite, even though you didn't really need sleep. It was a mere formality seeing as you were literally dead.

Sally would help you pick out a book from the many shelves Jack had, a lot of them were gruesome but that's what comes from living in Halloweentown.

You always made yourself corporeal for this, snuggling up beside Sally on the bed and waiting for Jack to join. And he always did too, he was never late.

Sitting between the two adult ghouls, you flipped the pages while they read the words. Reading had never been a skill you'd picked up on before, but you liked listening to them read, feeling the warmth of them on either side of you. Which was funny seeing as none of you were actually alive so there should be no warmth.

And even though you really didn't need sleep, the routine always ended with you falling asleep, being tucked in by Jack and Sally and affectionate tucking in taking place

That was the best part of having a corporeal body, you could feel the warmth of the blanket and the gentle strokes of comfort from your adoptive parents

"Can I hold your hand?" You asked nervously

You and Jack had agreed to go on a special mission for Sally, she needed things for making her special brews and for other hobbies she took part in. She had said it was a good way to get Jack out of the house.

Jack looked down at you, your nervous form flickered between the usual transparent to the corporeal form. You had never liked the hustle and bustle of the main part of Halloweentown.

He held his hand out for you to grasp, and you did. It always struck him when he held your hand how small it was compared to his. Your small child hands looked even smaller in his bony fingers.

"You sure you're going to be alright?" He gently prodded. He had promised if you didn't feel up to it, the two of you could always try again another day.

"Yeah, I'll be fine dad."

If he had a heart, it would've surely skipped a beat at those words. Being called dad was not something he ever thought would make him feel so proud. It was a greater accomplishment even than his Halloweens.

"I know you will."

"Fetch Zero!" You tossed one of Jack's bones down the graveyard for the ghost dog to catch.

He barked excitedly as he floated as fast as he could to catch it, bringing it back in record speed. You tossed it again, this time harder and further.

The dog scurried off to retrieve the bone and you waited for him to return. It was strange to be here after staying at Jack's home for so long. You didn't miss being all alone out here, but sometimes you did miss the simplicity of it.

You were lifted into the air before you could dwell on the thoughts further, Jack had snuck up behind you and he set you on his shoulders. There was nothing better than being "on top of the world".

"There you are! I've been looking all over for you."

"Zero wanted to play fetch." As you said this, the dog in question raced back bone in mouth and Jack took it from him, connecting it to himself once more.

"It's time to come inside, your bedtime routine starts soon."

You kicked your legs in contentment as he walked back up the path to Halloweentown. Zero zoomed around at Jack's feet, following the two of you home.

You glanced back at the graveyard, one might think it was longingly but in reality, you didn't miss it as much as you thought.

[hoseokslefteyebrow]

The Anomaly || JJK

Chapter 9: Flunctations

summary : In which you're isekai'd from your (own) parallel Jujutsu Kaisen universe to the canon universe.

wordcount : 2.5k

Pairing: Jujutsu Kaisen X Reader, eventually Character x Reader (idk who yet tho)

Masterlist | Next

The object which contains the veil is destroyed by Yuuji, and you can't help but notice how pretty the veil looks beautiful as it dissipates into nothing.

" wait- the anti sorcerer veil is the only one that got lifted, right? But didn't we break three of these? Including the one Ino broke?"

Yuuji realizes. Megumi's eyes are on you. You look distracted. After the veil went down, your eyes returned to the direction where the odd pull of cursed energy is coming from.

" You okay?" 

You snap back to reality, glancing back at Megumi, who looks as unbothered as always.

" Yeah, just- nevermind." 

You sigh, shaking your head. Things were brewing in Shibuya. This could be a trap, no matter how familiar the feeling is. Megumi searches your expression, but he doesn't push it. You'll find out what that call is later. You're needed here now.

" Either they used all three to lower one veil, or the other two were dummies. Either way, sorcerers are free to move now. That leaves the veil trapping Gojo sensei and the veil trapping the civilians. I wanted to interrogate the old man, but it looks like he's out cold."

You glance at the man, who's laid unconscious against a fence. 

" I could heal him partially?"

" That's a waste of effort. There's no guarantee he'll work with us. We should rejoin Ino and-."

" Ino!" 

Like he was summoned, the guy appears to be plummeting from the sky, not to far away from you. Megumi is quick to summon Nue, while Yuuji jumps down, a short cut of some sort. You uncap the water skin with clean water, coming to his aid as Yuuji catches him.

He looks bad. He's all roughed up, bleeding particularly nasty from the top of his head. You don't waste any time. Manipulating the water to surround your hands, you press them to the wound on his forehead. To your worry, he doesn't react to it. Nonetheless, the wound heals, the water on your hands melting into his skin.

" Y/N, your water-" 

" Yeah, I know. It's alright, it does that with heavier injuries." 

You explain, continuing to heal the wounds on him which you can see. The ones that look particular nasty. More and more of your water melts into his skin, but you'll be fine. 

Besides, you can always use your own sweat to work with, no matter how uncomfortable and weird that is.

" Don't heal everyone you see. We need you in battle." 

You shake your head.

" I can't not do that, Megumi. I'm a healer first." 

Megumi sighs at your words. You smile at Him.

" Don't worry. I never run out of water sources.- Anyway, Ino won't be able to fight anymore, he'll have to tap out." 

" I'm gonna go beat them up."

" Itadori, I understand how you feel, but what's our priority right now?" 

Yuuji sighs.

" Gojo sensei." 

" The veil's lifted. Those guys might've escaped already. Let's get Ino out of here."

" Take care of Ino for me." 

Your mouth opens slightly in surprise, your eyes shifting from Ino to Yuuji.

" Where are you going?"

" I'll head to the station." 

In a way, it's the best option. But the idea of operating in Shibuya alone right now?

" All right, but-" 

" If I die, you'll kill me, right?" 

Yuuji's grinning, pointing fingers guns at Megumi. 

Megumi seems surprised, but doesn't verbally react to it for a moment.

" Besides, I have Mechamaru with me. Even though he has been quiet for a while." 

Megumi sighs, getting up. Nue flexes it's wings as Megumi does so, ready to take off with Ino on hs back.

" All right, as long as you understand." 

" I can come with you?" 

" No." 

Both guys are quick to turn down your offer, causing you to raise a questionable brow.

" What's that supposed to mean? " 

" You have to stay alive. You can't die in our universe. " 

" Exactly. And I'm going where it's more dangerous, so you'll be safer with Fushiguro." 

You give both of them an offended look.

" Are you calling me weak?" 

Yuuji blinks, an obvious sign that he absolutely did not mean that. Megumi sighs too.

" Don't be fussy about it, Y/N. You must have people back at home who are worried about you. You can't die here. It's cruel." 

Megumi fixes you with a look, and you pout, before sighing. He's right. Your parents, your friends, they must all be incredibly worried about you. Hell, with how long you've been here, you wouldn't be surprised if they were mourning your death. You want to see them at least once, before you die.

" Fine. But just... be careful." 

Yuuji grins at you, nodding. 

" Don't worry. I'll be there the day we find you a way back home. " 

He's playfully winking at you, and then he's running off.

You and Megumi turn around, making your way towards the edge of the veil trapping civilians. 

Every few seconds, he glances at you. You know him well enough to know that he wants to ask a question.

" Hm?  What is it?" 

For a moment he doesn't say anything, walking on, but eventually, he finally speaks.

" What had you so distracted earlier?" 

You turn to him in surprise.

" Oh. Something is pulling at my cursed energy. I've felt it before, but I just can't remember where." 

He sends you a worried glance.

" Pulling at your cursed energy? " 

" Yeah. Like someone else is using it. Which is weird, because I don't exist in this universe." 

A real pity. He thinks to himself.

" Like a call?" 

" Exactly like that." 

" Do you still feel it?" 

You nod.

" I do." 

" Where is it coming from?" 

You stop walking, glancing in a specific direction.

" It's sort of distant, but my guess it's that it's coming from somewhere on the other side of Shibuya." 

-

Inumaki Toge was annoying, and useless. 

Now of course, Sukuna was well aware that he was simply greater than his senpai, especially in hand to hand combat, considering the Heavenly Pact he's been blessed with at birth. However, he also knows that Toge's cursed technique can simply step on him like a bug. 

By now, Sukuna has realized that there's something wrong. He's definitely not home, and this Inumaki seems to be completely unfamiliar with him. Every move he taught his senpai was not being used currently. Nonetheless, Inumaki is throwing punch after punch, trying to aim on his face. A stupid move. He knew all his schoolmate's fighting styles', and there were only a few who stood a fair chance against him in hand to hand combat. Zen'In Maki, and Itadori Yuuji. Not Inumaki Toge. 

What Sukuna doesn't understand is that Inumaki was not using his cursed technique. If he wished, he could have easily defeated him with a few words. Currently, Sukuna simply dances around him, using the space around him to their advantage. He's sparred with you often enough to know how you move. He knows it well enough to copy in a situation like this. In fact, the only reason he's ever been able to beat you is because he can predict your movements. An opponent who'd stand against you with no knowledge of how you move, would lose in a heartbeat.

Either way, he was starting to grow bored. Smoothly avoiding punches and kicks can only be so much fun. Finally, he throws a punch back. And of course, it hits Inumaki square in the stumic, sending him flying back into the building.

Sukuna blinks in a bored manner at him. Yeah, this guy definitely wasn't familiar with him.

" You've got no idea where the little shit is, do you?" 

Inumaki coughs, holding his stumic as he gets up. he's visibly sweating the situation. Sukuna shakes his head again, glancing at the mess of curses running around behind them.

" We've wasted enough time fighting. Just answer some questions of mine... please." 

Sukuna hates the word please. Inumaki blinks at him, surprised, though his suspicious is confirmed. This must be the Sukuna from your universe indeed.

" Is Y/N here?" 

Inumaki nods. 

A new kind of feeling spreads through Sukuna's body. Hope, longing. He can't wait to see you again.

" Is she alright? Is she here?" 

Inumaki shrugs his shoulders. Sukuna nods, turning to face the curses, who have slowly begun to bother citizens.

" Kay'.-" 

He likes to pretend he doesn't care.

" You do you. I'll handle it here."

And just like that, he goes back to ripping through curses left and right. The display is disgusting, blood splattering everywhere. People around him seem to be uncertain whether to be terrified of him or not. However, he can't find it in himself to care.

As much as he hates it, you'll have to wait. He has to take care of these annoying, ugly creatures first.

-

Both your and Megumi's eyes simultaneously widen.

" Is that...?"

"A domain." 

Both of you have arrived somewhere, you're not even sure where or why, but you're there, and that's that. 

Allies of you are in there. without a doubt.  But how does one even go in there?  You've haven't reached the level or circumstance to create your own domain just yet, nor do you have the same raw strength Yuuji seems to have.

Both of you are sweating. Hard.

" Y/N. Hold onto my arm." 

Megumi isn't looking at you as he speaks, his gaze focused on the ball in front of you as he approaches.

You send him a furrowed brow. However, noticing he's clapping his hands together, your eyes widen.

" You can do a domain expansion?"

He nods.

You follow his command, your hand holding his arm gently.

" yeah- since the mission under the bridge.- It's not perfect yet."

In any other situation, he might've reveled in the feeling of your hands on him. But you've got business to take care of.

Within seconds, Megumi's domain is up and running, and soon enough, he breaks through the barrier of the other domain.

" Maki!" 

This domain is built up of the ocean. And even though it's made up of cursed energy that's not your own, you can still feel it.

It's is build on the power of the ocean. Of a place where you're at your most powerful.

Meanwhile Maki's eyes widen. 

" Megumi!" 

A little too enthusiast, the two of you had launched yourselves into the domain, sending you jumping quite a height that left you feeling a little bottomless. As someone who's natural element is water, you don't mind bottomless, usually. However, you find that you do mind the bottomless feeling when you're skyhigh, where you can see the floor coming towards you. From the corner of your eye, you can see something red and black manifest. A weapon. You understand the gist, and throw it in Maki's direction.

" Y/N. That octopus thing is the source of this domain." 

You nod at Megumi.

" Don't worry, I've got your back. " 

Meanwhile, the octopus thing turns towards the two of you.

" You dare voluntarily invade my domain? How foolish." 

At once, he sends some kind of huge eels at you. You reach out, your own cursed energy managing to take his own in a chokehold. If it was only you right now, you'd test your limits, and see if you could take control of his domain. However, you're not alone. You have people to watch out for. So instead, you deploy your cursed technique in ways you're well aware of.

Creating the rings of water you're so fond of, you manipulate his cursed energy to your will. the cursed energy in the form of water cuts through both eels, and the two of you safely make it to the ground while Maki whacks her special grade cursed tool across the curse's back.

" What is that?" 

" Cloud jumper." 

You nod at Megumi's words. You've never seen that weapon before, but Maki makes good use of it, whacking him with it once again.

Meanwhile, he also sends two more creatures at you. You furrow your brows, stepping in front of Megumi protectively. Megumi opens his mouth to warn you, call you back. But he's left to watch in amazement as you manipulate the water below to cut into the first creature with ease. You turn your attention to the other one, but Nanami beats you to it, his 7:3 technique hitting yet again.

" What about the other two?" 

Nanami asks, holding a protective stance in front of the two of you.

" Ino's tapped out. Itadori is acting on his own." 

" I'll cover you, please focus on your domain." 

You glance at him.

" Let me handle this. I can use the curse's cursed energy. " 

Nanami's eyes are wide as he looks at you.

Nonetheless, you nod at him with confidence.

Nanami nods. You glance quickly at Megumi, noticing his bleeding nose. Your eyes widen in worry.

" Megumi-" 

" I'm fine. Cover for me.- Nanami, the octopus thinks our domains are pushing for control. But that's not what I'm after. I'm going to create a hole. The one we entered through is already sealed. It's harder from the inside, but I can make it large enough for someone to pass through for a few seconds. The edge of this barrier is right below me. I know because I can feel it. I'm ready anytime. All three of you need to jump in at once."

Nanami throws a serious glance back at the teenager.

" The two of you are not planning on staying behind, are you?" 

" I think I have a chance in taking control of this domain. I'll get Megumi and me out of here." 

Megumi grins.

" We're risking our lives. But we're not planning on throwing it away." 

Soon enough, Nanami is yelling  for the other two to join. 

" Quick, right below Fushiguro's feet." 

You focus on the curse in front of you, creating a huge circle of spinning water around you. If it were to get to close, it would cut right through it.

However, your focus falters as someone enters the domain.

Especially as you see who it is.

Fushiguro Toji.

[ A/N:  Thank you for your quick reactions, besties <3, drabbles will join after Shibuya arc.] 

The Anomaly Taglist:

@luxylucylou @kalulakunundrum @strxbxrrylover @aethersslave @jenniferrvsesi @hanatsuki-hime @betizda

[amiharana]

just so obsessed with the idea of revali silently loving link and pining so much for him, but holding back because he's already created this facade that he despises link, because zelda and mipha already loved him first, because why would link ever choose him? so revali keeps it all inside and tries to display his bitterness at unreciprocated love as jealousy and arrogance at the imbalance of their roles, and tries desperately to fall out of love with link.

but it's as though the little hylian won't let him.

link, who practically insists on staying by revali during battle, who stares at revali with that wide blue-eyed gaze, who naps peacefully with his head in revali's lap when they're alone. and revali should be ecstatic at how close they are, but it hurts more than anything. this isn't fair to him, to be so tantalizingly close to link but to never be able to have him more than this. it's so suffocating, revali doesn't think he can stand to do this any longer, or else it might kill him.

but he continues to let link do whatever he pleases; silently tagging along after revali to the archery range, sitting beside him at mealtimes and letting him sneak more bites from revali's plate as though revali doesn't see him, even going as far as to let link sleep with him in his hammock after what revali assumed to have been a very bad nightmare. no one says a single word when revali and link arrive late to breakfast, with link clinging sleepily to revali's wing and revali looking strangely peaceful.

try as he might (he's not trying at all), revali can't say no to link (and neither does he want to), so he supposes he might as well endure this suffering a little longer.

"why do you let me do all this?" link whispers to him once, in the dead of the night, wrapped around revali in his hammock. and revali is silent for a moment, trying to come up with some sort of answer that could defend his actions. but he can't.

"i don't know," he says simply. he can't tell link the truth.

"does it bother you?"

"do you think you'd still be in my bed practically choking me to death with how tightly you're wrapped around me if it did?" revali winces at how biting his words are, but link just hums and snuggles deeper into revali's neck. he doesn't stop link.

"if it bothered you, you'd tell me, right?" the little hylian murmurs.

revali thinks about it for a moment. and he decides, no, i wouldn't. if you wished to be warm, i'd let you use my body as fuel for a campfire.

"go to sleep," he says aloud instead, softly, gently. he couldn't tell link that either, and he probably never would be able to. he wouldn't ever have the chance. "we have battles to prepare for in the morning."

revali wraps his wings snug around the blond, and link practically purrs in content, dozing off immediately into the warmth. like this, the rito almost smiles. if burning himself alive was the only way to have link, even for just a moment that couldn't always be guaranteed, then revali would just have to make sure he stayed alight; to be the bonfire keeping link warm throughout the night.

[pumpkincarriage3]

Yuu and Grimm Relationship Analysis

Grimm is the first person that meets Yuu in Twisted Wonderland. It's far from a great meeting. Seeing as Grimm threatens to burn Yuu alive, chases them around for who knows how long (since the entrance ceremony should have at least taken an hour according to other vignettes), and still continued to insult them.

Yuu was literally saved from being burned alive by Crowley.

And later in the night, when Grimm seeks refuge in Ramshackle Dorm, he continues to insult Yuu for their lack of magic powers. Overall, Grimm kinda acts like a really bratty kid for his first appearances.

The way Yuu reacts to all this is very important, because it's what makes their relationship what it is. Yuu, from the limited dialogue that we could get from them, was shown to feel sympathy for Grimm from the beginning once they learned how much he wanted to get into NRC. Even to the point that they managed to convince Crowley to let Grimm stay, even though that met they would have to be Grimm's caretaker.

Or a beast tamer as Crowley likes to call it. And in a very ironic sort of way, Yuu is a beast tamer simply because they were willing to accept and take Grimm in - And here's why:

The very moment that Crowley accepted Yuu's proposal and let Grimm stay, the two were connected. Sure, it may have been because Yuu had to watch Grimm according to Crowley's orders, but they were connected nonetheless.

Add in the fact that the rest of the student body wasn't exactly accepting of either of them, and Crowley certainly isn't reliable, they became the sole people they could rely on. Each of their situations being flipped in more ways than one. Since Grimm came to NRC, and Yuu argued in his defense, he finally had someone. 

Because up until that point he had been all alone. Then Yuu argued in his defense, even though Grimm had given him a tough time, and he finally had someone. He finally got into the place that he wanted to be. He finally had a chance to achieve the dream he's always wanted. For Gimm, Yuu would be a new hope to try at his dreams once again. Because he gained everything in one night.

Yuu, was kidnapped from their home, and dropped into some random world by a talking mirror. Nearly get burned alive. Get stuck in Ramshackle, a building that can't be up to code, and they don't even have the guarantee that Crowley will provide for them. To make matters worse, most of the people that now surround them look down on them because they don't have magic.

And while Grimm did give Yuu a hard time, Grimm also gave Yuu a stable point to cling onto. They couldn't rely on Crowley, he was flimsy. The ghosts at Ramshackle are more likely to play pranks on them. And while Yuu did eventually make friends with the other students, at the beginning all they really had and could rely on was Grimm. Because they lost everything all in once night.

Both are each other stable points that they can rely on. Everything can be taken away from Grimm if Yuu isn't there. To Yuu, he's an equal, and that isn't guaranteed amongst the rest of his peers. For Yuu, Grimm was the one person they could rely to stand by them and be their for them.

The two need each other to get through what is NRC, because they don't really have anyone else. Even when the two gain friends latter on, the only ones they can really rely on is each other.

It's the entire reason why Yuu will go along with Grimm's Henchmen-shtick. And will even play along with Grimm ordering them around from time to time. Because that's Grimm's way of expressing what their relationship means to him. Because Yuu is his henchmen, he's the only one that gets to cause them a hard time and they're the only one he'll actually listen too. (Ace, on home screen for ceremonial robes says that Grimm acts up the very moment Yuu leaves a room)

Intern, Yuu tells Grimm everything. From meeting Malleus outside, to the strange dreams (even if they don't say what the dreams themselves are about) to mickey in the mirror. Yuu tells this to other people to, but Grimm is the first to know. The first one they rely on.

It's part of the reason - spoilers for chapter six - that Yuu is so upset that Grimm is taken from them. Because even though Grimm attacked them, they could tell Grimm wasn't himself and that there was something wrong, Grimm is their grounding point in all the chaos that is Twisted Wonderland. Their person.

It's why they're so desperate to get him back. Because Yuu wasn't thinking about saving the dorm leaders (plus Jamil, and minus Malleus and Kalim), they were thinking about saving Grimm. It was their first priority to check on once Vil managed to save Grimm.

They'd do anything for each other, because they know, that no matter what, they can and will be their for each other. Because they were for each other from the very beginning. The moment Yuu decided to argue with Crowley in Grimm's defense, their relationship was sealed.

It's part of the entire reason that - spoilers for chapter seven - even though Grimm realizes he'll probably be alone once Yuu leaves, he's still willing to help them find a way home. Because that's what Yuu really needs, and so far there is no evidence to suggest that Grimm plans on keeping that from them. 

Because they are each other's grounding points. So they are willing to do whatever for each other.

[nicherayyy]

La Squadra x Fem! Reader OUTLAST AU

Chapter four 

Previous chapter: chapter three

AN: are you excited? bc I am

TW: body horror, cursing, violence

MINORS DNI

“Stay right here”, Risotto gave you a warning look. What is he trying to do?

The knock on the door became even louder. If this continues.. whatever this creature is, soon will get in. The room seems like shrinking now, and it’s just you, your captor, and that thing behind that door. You slowly crawled into the corner of the room from all these emotions overwhelming you. The adrenaline coursing through your body. 

Risotto is about to.. open this door. Is he going to fight that thing? And if so will he be able to overpower it? No. The memory of Risotto’s blooded hands and these people he killed made you wrap your arms around yourself, in seek of protection. All this time he could twist your neck like it was nothing.

And the realisation that there’s no guarantee you’ll be alive for another hour.. your insides tightened. You feel sick, terrified. This can’t be true.

It’s just a dream. Just a stupid nightmare and it’s a part where you’re about to wake up. Yes, that’s the plan. You’re going to wake up, maybe have something nice for breakfast. Then, you’ll go to your stupid work to do your stupid interviews. Everything will be alright. A tiny hope in your eyes. 

You try to pinch your arm as hard as you can. It hurts. Maybe even a bruise will remain. But you’re still here. You still can hear this thing and it’s attempts to open the door. You still can see your crazy captor, whom you recently saw covered in blood as he tore human flesh apart. 

You eying him. Waiting for his actions. Waiting for something to happen. 

“OPEN”, you attempt to press in the corner even more as you heard its cry behind the door.

“OPEN”, you heard again. It’s definitely not a human. Not anymore. The door began to shake from the force. You looked back at Risotto, his hand reaching for the doorknob. Everything looking like a slow-motion at some point, as if delaying the worst. 

Risotto barely had time to open the lock when the door suddenly burst open. It’s white like a chunk, thin and tall, with face like a death mask hanging from a bone. Its eyes like holes. Immediately your captor grabs it. Trying to throw it out of the room you’re being held in. You fill dizzy, everything looks so unrealistic at this point. If it wasn’t adrenaline in your blood, you would have lost consciousness long ago. 

After a few seconds, Risotto manages to push this creature in the corridor. All his attention is now on the fight. 

The creature turned out to be stronger than you expected, you could say, it was even similar in strength to Risotto. Even being knocked to the ground it still tried to fight back, reflecting all blows. You have no idea how long this will continue. You slowly stand up from your place in the corner, moving as carefully as you can, eyes following Risotto’s every hit. You still trembling, legs going weak of all the stress you’ve got. 

You see this thing overpowering Risotto, now being on top of him, death prep on his hair, trying to smash his head against the cold concrete of the corridor floor. And only now you realise- you can’t be sure your captor will emerge victorious from this fight. If he loses.. you will be left alone with god knows what it is, and this time you’re absolutely sure, it has no intentions of keeping you alive. Is so you need to run as fast as you can. 

But on the other hand, if Risotto’ll stay alive you have no idea what he will do for escaping attempt. Your throat tightened. You need to choose what to do. And now it’s you life depending on it. Your vision blurred. It’s so hard to think straight. 

Still hesitating, you run out of the room. Fuck it. You don’t understand whether it’s a banal desire to live or just adrenaline in your blood. 

Almost running down of the aisle, you hear a thump. The sound of the fight died down, only your heavy breathing and the sound of your work shoes hitting the floor. You’ve never been so grateful for your choice of work clothes. 

“WHERE ARE YOU”, you heard Risotto’s distant cry, so he’s the winner. Deep in your heart you hoped it won’t be him. Panic start filling you again. If this creature would just kill you.. Risotto.. Risotto’s most likely will want you to suffer. Hopefully he didn’t understand in which direction you ran. 

You still moving as fast as you can, looking for a safer place or even better- an exit from this cursed place. 

Just don’t look back and run. 

You hear something getting closer to you. Slowly, but surely. 

Corridors and rooms seem endless. The main thing is not to get to a dead end. 

“COME BACK”, you hear somewhere in distance, “YOU’RE MINE”. This game of chasing can’t last long and you just know that. It similar to game of tasting your stamina, or luck. 

Your legs starting to hurt. Tears running down your face. And as you thought, luck has turned away from you. The dead end. The corner room in one of the aisles. You still hear that Risotto is looking for you. You hear his steps getting closer. 

You can’t think of anything better than lock the door of this room and try to hide yourself. 

“I CAN HEAR YOU”, you trembled from anger in his words, he’s almost here, “BE A GOOD GIRL AND COME OUT NOW” he cried. 

This will be your end, you thought. Eventually he’ll find you. He knows where you’re hiding. He’s in your aisle, checking every room. Your eyes wide from fear, from fear of your captor, from fear of what he’ll do to you. It’s so hard to breath again. Your eyes on the locked door, waiting for your fate. This is it. 

“Hey”, you heard a voice of stranger behind you, “Hop in the elevator if you want to live”

Now you looked around the room itself. There was a food elevator in the corner. You are saved!

Perhaps this is one of the survivors. You two are going to stick together. You’ll going to get out of this place.. alive. You can’t even describe how happy you are. 

You weren’t happy for long before you heard someone start knocking on the door. He found you. 

“Just open the door”, he pleaded, “Let’s talk”. 

A strong blow followed. 

“JUST OPEN THE DOOR BITCH”, he screamed. 

Without thinking long, you jumped into the elevator, barely fitting into the cramped cabin. 

“Fuck you”, you hissed. Elevator moved right when the door got knocked out. 

“NO”, he screamed, voice pitched. 

“COME BACK”, he pleaded again, “STAY, PLEASE STAY”

The higher you go, the more dull his voice becomes. It’s over. You’re safe now. Everything will be just alright. You’re so excited to see your saviour, you’re so grateful. A tired smile on your face, maybe your luck’s still on your side. 

The elevator doors started to open and you were ready to throw yourself at your saviour with hugs when something stopped you.

This can’t be true. No. 

In front of you was another patient of asylum. Skin on his body burned, the face’s twisted and sewn up. Just a few pigtails could be discerned on the head. 

He smirked at you, “How I wanted to see a new face here”

[chickensarentcheap]

Never Gonna Be Alone: Chapter 97

Fandom: Extraction

Pairing: Tyler Rake and Esme Rake (OFC)

Warnings: profanity and angst

Tagging: @tragiclyhip @munstysmind @secretaryunpaid @youflickedtooharddamnit @asirensrage @residentdormouse @alisbackalleybbq @themaradwrites @ninjasawakenedmystar @kmc1989 @arrthurpendragon @ocappreciationtag @occommunity @karimac @thebewingedjewelcat

If I forgot someone, please let me know! My brain is mush!

My tag list is OPEN! Just ask if you'd like to be added :)

Link to Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28860450/chapters/127049641

****

He paces the length of the deck as he waits for K to pick up the phone,  occasionally glancing over his shoulder and into the living room. Millie watches him in nervous curiosity;  undoubtedly concerned about his mental and physical well-being, and wondering about the conversation that will take place.  And when he gives her a reassuring smile, his daughter returns it with a shaky one of her own.  Then stretches out on the couch stomach down and faces the sliding door;  chin on her forearm as she continues to keep an eye on him. 

“Rake?” K’s voice on the other end of the line. 

“I’m here.”

“Sorry to call so late.  I know you’ve got little ones to worry about and…”

“No such things as too early or too late.  Not when it comes to my family.  And especially not when it comes to Esme.  I hope you have some good news for me.  That you’re not calling to stall things even more.”

“I’m not…”

“Where’s my wife?  I’m sick of playing these fucking games. Waiting on you to decide what’s best when it comes to her.  You don’t know her.  You don’t know a damn thing about her.  So how about you cut the shit; tell me where she is and I’ll pay you a little visit.”

“I’m not the enemy in this, Rake.  I’m far from it.  If it wasn’t for me…”

“I never said I didn’t appreciate what you’re doing; putting your ass on the line to make sure she stays safe.  But I’m tired of this shit; waiting on you to decide when you’re going to get off your ass and make things happen. I’m nearly out of patience, kid. And you don’t want to see what I get like when I run completely dry.”

“I’ve had to wait things out.  It isn’t easy, you know; finding the time to contact you. Not with all the bodies coming and going from here, all hours of the goddamn day. If any of them were to find out I was talking to you…”

“They’d put a half dozen or so bullets in you.  I get the risk.  But if you continue to fuck me around, whatever they would do to you?  I’ll make it look tame. Now where’s my wife?”

“I can’t let you just show up.  Do you know what kind of firepower we have here?  What kind of training these guys have?  It’ll only make things worse.  Right now,  she’s safe. But I can guarantee that if I tell you where we are and you decide to show your face around here? It’s not going to end well.  Especially for her.  And I know that’s the last thing you want; to put her further at risk. So how about you…”

“How about you give me something to work with, then? That won’t put an even bigger target on her back.  When are we going to meet?  ‘Cause I’m ready to go when you are.”

“Unless you agree to my terms…”

“I already told you. I’ll be alone.  I won’t try and follow when you leave.  I just want to get these meds to her.  To keep her and my baby safe.   Until you’re able to get her out there. So when is it going to be? Because we’ve wasted enough time.”

“Two days from now.  I’ve already made up an excuse.  Had to lower myself to the gutter and use my son, but…”

“We’ve all done things we wish we never had to.”

“You speaking from experience, or…”

“I’ve got a lot of regrets.  That I don’t wish on anyone.  But you’re going to have a bigger one if you don’t stop fucking me around.  We could settle this right now, mate.  Put this all to bed. Avoid all this needless bullshit. Just tell me where she is, and I will come and get her.  With a lot of people and a lot of firepower backing me up.  So if you want to get out of this alive…”

“Do I need to get her back on the phone? Do I…?”

“Don’t do that,” Tyler warns.  “Don’t weaponize her like that.  It’s a real piece of shit thing to do. Weaponize her like that.”

“Look,  I know you’re used to being the boss.  The one calling the shots.  The legendary mercenary who turned himself into a legendary boss. But I need you to let me take the lead on this. I’m the one that’s right in the trenches; trying to keep her alive. BOTH of us alive, for that matter.  And if you come around and fuck things up,  it’s all going to horribly wrong.  You think you have regrets now? How will it be if something happens to her? Because of YOU?”

“Please, Tyler,” Esme begs in the background. “Please just listen to him.   He knows what he’s talking about.  I know it’s hard for you sometimes;  you react emotionally when it comes to me and the kids.  But I need you to just stop. Please. Just stop and think about all of this.  Think about what he’s saying.”

Both chest and throat tighten.   Nearly brought to his knees by the sound of her voice;  the fear and the desperation that weighs down every tearful plea.   And as his grip tightens around his phone, he briefly closes his eyes, struggling to get the mixture of emotions under control. A combination of intense rage,  profound sadness and near-painful helplessness.  And emptiness and loneliness unlike anything he’s ever experienced before.

“I know what it’s like.”  K’s voice is softer; laced with patience and sympathy.  “Being used to always having a handle on things.  The one everyone turns to when there’s trouble.  And I also know what it’s like to feel all that slipping away.  It’s fucking awful, mate.   no longer being in control of things.   Especially through no fault of your own.”

“I have seven kids here.  That need their mother.   And you keeping her away from them even longer than you need to…”

“I’m doing what’s best for her.   I’m not doing this to cause more problems. Or to punish anyone. I know what these people are like; I know the kind of power they have and I know what kind of resources they have backing them up.  It’s why we can’t just jump into things; we need to play along and gain their trust and their confidence.  I can’t just break her out of here.  It’s not that easy.  And I think if you’d look at this as a mercenary and not as a husband, you’d say the same thing.  You wouldn’t take any unnecessary risks with a client, would you? You’d do whatever it takes to keep them safe, yeah?”

“We’re talking about a client. We’re talking about my wife.”

“Which is exactly why you can’t be taking risks.  Why you shouldn’t be WANTING to.  How many times have you had to talk a husband down? Or a wife? From doing something stupid?”

“More than once.”

“Well, now it’s my turn to talk YOU down. I’m not stalling.   I’m not dragging things out to make things worse on you or those kids.  Everything I do? It’s for Esme’s benefit.  And I know it’s a lot to ask, but you need to trust me.”

“That’s awful damn hard.  I don’t even know you.  I don’t just hand out trust to everyone I come across.  You’re holding my entire life in your hands.  And if there’s something I’m willing to die for, it’s her.  You and your buddies fucked with the wrong man.  And the wrong man’s family.  You do all this damage and then expect me to just blindly trust you? Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“I’m the one who is keeping your wife and your baby alive.  And if you want to stay that way…”

“Tyler…”  Esme’s voice once more. Tearful.  Terrified. “...please just listen to him.  I’m begging you. Please.”

“I swear to God…”   Tyler growls through clenched teeth. “...if you hurt her in any way…”

“All I want to do is help.  Without causing more issues.  I tell you where we are and you come storming in here?  It will be the worst possible ending. You want your wife and your kid alive? Then you do exactly as I say.”

“Two days.  I’ll meet you at our place in The Kimberley.  If you don’t show up,  I will hunt you down.  No matter how long it takes.  And I will find you and I will make you suffer. Beyond anything you ever thought possible.”

“I don’t doubt it for one second.  But I WILL be there.  We’re on the same side, Rake.   We both want the same thing.  Your wife…safe and sound…back with you and your kids.  I’m not the enemy here.”

“You were.  Four nights ago.  When you showed up at the place in Tasmania.  When you stood by and watched your buddies take my wife.  And then stayed behind to kill me.”

“But I didn’t do it., did I? I backed out.  Couldn’t go through with that.”

“You’re just a regular bleeding heart, aren’t ya.”

“I’m trying my best here, alright?  I don’t want things to get any worse.   And if you don’t listen to me and you track us down and just show up here…”

“I already said  I’d back off.  But we need to get a couple of things straight.   This change of heart you had? When it came to killing me? Everything you’re doing to keep Esme and the baby safe? Whatever plan you’re cooking up to get her out of there? That doesn’t make us friends.  We’re not buddies. We’re not going to be hanging out or going for beers or sending each other Christmas cards.  Once this is over? You disappear. I better never see or hear from you again.”

“Fair enough.”

“And if anything happens to my wife, you’re going to wish you’d killed me that night.  Because I will hunt you down.  And I will put you in the ground. Don’t fuck me, mate.  Because those stories you’ve heard?  About the things I’ve done? The things I can still do?  They’re all true.”

“I never doubted it for a second.”

“I’ll meet you in two days.  You don’t show up?  I WILL find you.”

“I’ll be there,” K assures him. “And do as I say; don’t bring an army with you, don’t try and stop me from leaving, don’t have anyone follow me. I’m the only thing that stands between your wife and whatever these assholes have planned for her.  I’m sure you don’t want to chance it.”

“You just make sure she stays safe.  That no one lays a hand on her.  And if I find out all this time that you’ve done nothing but fuck me around…”

“If there was ever a time for you to trust someone, this is it. You need to take me at my word.  That I’ll keep her safe and sound and find a way to get her the hell out of here.”

“And what are you going to want in the end? If this all goes according to plan?  If you get her out of there and I bring her home? What are you going to want? As reward? A payment?”

“Just my safety.  All limbs attached to my body. All my internal organs still inside and functioning properly.”

“I guess we’ll just have to see about that.”

“Two days. I’ll be there.”

“Yeah…” Tyler snarls. “...you fucking better be.”

******

He wakes to the sound of little feet and voices overhead.  Addie and Brookie whispering and giggling as they scurry down the hall and towards the stairs. Declan cheerfully obliging Takota’s request to piggyback him to the kitchen as  TJ mutters in that grumpy, first thing of the morning way of his;  yet showing off his unlimited patience when it comes to Tanner’s cheerful, incessant rambling about the dreams he’d had.  And Millie and Alannah, discussing their plans for the day: seeing a movie with Nanny Stel, Addie, Takota and the older kids. 

It resembles a typical morning in the Rake house. A mixture of the immediately cheerful and energetic and their easily annoyed and frustrated counterparts.   Yet the reality will soon set in;  the realization that -as they’re settling into breakfast- that a huge part of their household is missing. An empty chair at the kitchen table serving as a stark reminder of the nightmare that is continuing to unfold around them.   

The little ones greet him with their unusual enthusiasm; Addie declaring how much she’d missed him and the tearfully declaring how she’d been worried when she’d woken up in the big bed and he wasn’t there to snuggle into.  He’s the best for snuggles after all; his body is big and strong and warm and safe.  

The safest place on earth, in her opinion.

With the help of Estelle, he manages to get the day started. Not only Fighting through the incessant pain that inhabits nearly every inch of his body, but struggling with the immense emptiness that Esme’s absence has left him with.

He’s standing on the back deck when Brookie rushes over to him; nursing his second cup of coffee and watching as the kids tend to their weekend chores. Watering the various plants in the garden and cleaning out the animal habitats; making sure food and water dishes are full and showering the ‘pets’ with unlimited love and attention.  They’d all been taught at an early age to put in the work;  learning as they toddled alongside their parents and asked what seemed like a million and one questions.  Their enormous levels of curiosity quickly paying off;  experiencing that rush that comes with the reward of accomplishment and pride.  

 Esme and him had always been on the same page when it came to how to raise a family;  he can easily remember those early days when Millie was still in her belly. Those often emotional late-night chats about the things they’d been robbed of in their childhoods; filled with promises to make sure their offspring never suffered in the same way.  Both determined to provide the same things:  lots of love, acceptance, and support.  While they’d be given both things they would need and desire, they would also be trusted with responsibilities; simply chores that would start in the toddler years. Their parents wanting them to grow up to be not only self-sufficient adults but damn good humans; compassionate and empathetic and blessed with both book smarts and practical hands-on knowledge.

“Daddy!” Brooklyn wraps an entire hand around one of his fingers and gives a firm tug.   “We got a problem!”

“What kind of problem?”

“A big one! No one got Pumpkin Lumpkin’s carrots ready! Momma always does them the night before; she puts them in a bag and puts them with my helmet and my boots.  So we don’t have to rush around and do stuff. But momma isn’t here so now…” Taking a deep breath, she exhales dramatically. “... there’s no carrots to take!”

“We’ll stop at the store.  On the way to the stables. We can run in and…”

“That won’t do! It’s not the same! Pumpkin doesn’t like the ones from the store!”

“I highly doubt Pumpkin knows the difference between store-bought and ones from our garden.”

“She’s REALLY smart, dad.  Super smart! She definitely knows! And she likes mommy’s carrots best. ‘Cause mommy’s are  grown with love.  ‘Cause she sings and talks to her plants and that makes them taste better.  Pumpkin will know something is wrong. If we don’t bring momma’s carrots.  And I don’t want her to know about mumma. I don’t want her to be depressed like us.”

His throat tightens and his heartaches.  Even in the smallest and most mundane of ways, Esme’s absence is an enormous loss to all of them. “I promise I won’t tell her.  And we still have a bit of time before we leave. Why don’t you run and grab some carrots?  That we can take with us.”

Brooklyn’s face visibly brightens at the suggestion. “I’m going to pick the best ones! Pumpkin deserves them!”

“Well, leave some good ones for humans. We gotta eat them too.”  He tousles her hair before she runs off, then calls to Declan to help her in the garden.  He’s inherited his mother’s green thumb; first developing a love for all things gardening when he was merely four years old.  Always excited to be ‘helping her’;  all smiles and giggles and chatter as he walked alongside her, carrying a watering can.

“Looks like ‘business as usual’ around here.”  Riley’s voice comes from behind as she lingers in the open doorway; leaning against the frame with her arms folded against her chest. And Tyler briefly glances over his shoulder; immediately noticing the absence of the vibrance that normally accompanies the redhead. Currently replaced by stormy eyes, furrowed brow,  and tightly set jaw. 

Sighing, he  turns his attention back to the hustle and bustle in the backyard.“Gotta keep things as normal as possible for them.”

“Things are as far from normal as they can possibly get.”

“I need to try to bring them a little bit of happiness.  Not every aspect of their life has to completely suck.”

“You certainly don’t seem to be suffering any.  You’re just back to everyday life.”

He wants to argue about it being the furthest thing from the truth; remind her that he’s the one suffering the most. Both emotionally and physically.  But at the same time, he understands her anger. Albeit misplaced, she’s worried and terrified and desperate to ‘get the show on the road’.  Anxious to do whatever she can to help find her sister.   And it’s her heartache that is convincing her that she needs someone to blame.  That she has to hold someone responsible for what happened.

“I’m just doing my best.  Trying to hold things together.  For my kids.”

Riley joins him, laying both forearms along the top railing of the deck.  “Might be better for them if they see something…anything…from you. Emotion wise.”

“I’ve shown a lot of emotion.   In front of them.  Just because you haven’t personally seen it, doesn’t mean it’s not happening.   I could turn the tables and say the same thing about you.  You haven’t exactly shed a tear.  Ranted and raved.  Not since a couple of days ago anyway.”

Scowling, she casts her brother-in-law a sidelong glance.

“I heard what you said.  To Shaena.  I heard ALL of it.  And I wasn’t going to say anything but I totally get where it’s all coming from.  It’s a hell of a thing that happened and we’re all suffering and we’re all trying to find a way to cope.   And I’ve been there myself;  worried and scared and angry and needing to take it all out on someone.  I think it’s pretty normal for a lot of people;  needing someone to place the blame on.  Even if it is no one’s fault.”

“But it IS your fault.  The blame is all on you.  You’re the reason this happened.  You and what you do for a living and all the people you’ve pissed off and…”

“What happened has nothing to do with me.  These people? That took your sister?  They’re from HER past.  Not mine.”

“Now there’s something I never thought I’d hear from you. Victim blaming.  Especially when the victim is your own wife. My sister.”

“That’s NOT what I’m doing.  I’m trying to explain my side of things. I was the one who was there, Riley. Not you.  All these details you have in your head? You put them there. I didn’t.  No one else. You let your imagination run wild; your brain made up all kinds of bullshit and you’re actually believing it.  Everything you said to Shaena? None of it was true.”

“Seems like it’s pretty cut and dry.  Someone is out for revenge. And they’re getting it through my sister.”

“There’s nothing cut and dry about this.  And yeah, they’re out for revenge. But not because of something I did.  Not because of the past I’ve led.   I HAVE crossed a lot of bad people. Stepped out on a lot of toes. Burned a lot of bridges. And I see how it makes sense;  someone out to get me so they chose her as a target. But that’s not what it’s about AT ALL.”

“Don’t even try and pretend you’re innocent in all of this. That who you are and what you do didn’t play some kind of part. Don’t…”

“I wasn’t even going to tell you all of this.  I even asked Shaena and everyone else who knows the details to keep it from you.  I wanted to protect you. I wanted to spare you from all of that.  Because this IS your sister we’re talking about.  But if you’re going to keep up with your bullshit, maybe it’s better if you do know the truth. So you shut the fuck up about me.”

Riley blinks at the vehemence in his voice.

“This is about Mark.  He’s the one behind this.”

“Mark.   Douchebag ex-husband extraordinaire?  That’s who we’re talking about, right? THAT Mark?”

“Don’t talk to me like that.  Don’t be a condescending little bitch. Yes. THAT Mark.”

“The same Mark that cheated on her while coming back from their honeymoon? By joining the mile high with a stewardess?  The same Mark that used to beat her senseless?  Force her to eat food off the floor?  Rape her? That put her in the ICU? TWICE.”

“I know everything he’s done.  Everything that he put her through. I probably know more than you do. Things she never even told you.”

“The same Mark that you ordered someone to kill? Only to later find out he was still alive? The same ‘back from the dead’ Mark you ever told my sister about?  Until it was too late?”

“I had my reasons. For not saying anything to her.  There was a lot going on; I had just been through all that bullshit with Nathan, she was pregnant with the twins. She didn’t need anything else added to her plate. I didn’t think it mattered; whether he was really dead or not.  She THOUGHT he was.  And that made her really feel at peace for the first time in years. I did what I had to do. For HER.”

“How come every time you decide something for her it ends up being the shittiest possible outcome?”

“I had no idea it would come back and bite me in the ass.  He flew under the radar for five years.  I thought he’d just given up; decided to leave us alone and go on with his life. How the fuck was I supposed to know he’d do some shit like this? You think I wanted this to happen? That I somehow ASKED for it to happen? Esme may be your sister, but she’s MY wife.”

“If you’d just left her alone. In Dhaka. If you’d just kept your dick in your pants…”

“Don’t bring that up. You have no idea what happened in Dhaka. During those five days. But it was more than that. Way more.”

“Y0u should have let her walk away. Afterwards.”

“I was in a coma. I woke up, she was there. I didn’t force her to stay.  I didn’t hold a gun to her so she’d stick around. That was HER decision.  Both on the bridge and off it.”

“You should have MADE her.  You should have…”

“She’s a grown woman, Riley.  She was a grown woman when we met.  Every decision she made? She made it on her own.  She stayed because she wanted to. Simple as that. And you know Esme as well as I do. No one tells her what to do. NO ONE.”

“You brought her into this kind of life.  You did whatever it took to KEEP her in it.  Knowing that there were people who would just love to get revenge. And use her to do it.  THAT should have been enough to convince her to walk away. That was selfish, Tyler.  And deep down, I think you realize that. You were selfish to bring her into this life.  And to bring kids into it, too?”

“I love your sister.  More than I ever thought it was possible to love someone.  I don’t regret how we met.  I don’t regret not trying harder to push her away.  I don’t regret a goddamn thing when it comes to her.  And yeah, there were times I didn’t do right by her. Where I was a really shit husband.  But we got past all that. We worked on our shit.  We still work at it. Every day.  So for you to stand here and accuse me of manipulating her or bullying her or…”

“What happened, Tyler? The other night? HOW did it happen? Can you at least tell me that? How someone like you -with all your skills and all your strength and experience and all the blood on your hands- could let this happen? How could you let them take her?”

“I didn’t LET them take her.  Look at me! Look how fucked up I am! Does this body look like it belongs to someone who just LET them?”

“She isn’t here, is she?  You have no clue WHERE she is.”

“You weren’t there. In Tasmania. You don’t know what went down.  I didn’t stand a chance.  It wasn’t just one or two guys.  I’m not even sure how many there actually were.  But they knew they had to blindside me; take me down and keep me down.  They knew every weak spot.  Every fucked up part of me.  And that’s how they were able to do it.  They took me out first and then went for her.  Do you really think I’d just let them walk in and grab her? You really think that little of me?”

“I never…”

“I fought. For as long and as hard as I could. I wouldn’t look like this if I didn’t.  And you know what they did? When it still wasn’t enough for him? They used her against me.  They were going to kill her, Riley. If I didn’t stop fighting and I didn’t calm her down.  They would have killed her right in front me. Maybe even done some really sick shit to her before that.  And you know what? They probably would have left me alive. So I’d remember every second of what she went through for the rest of my life.”

“Tyler…”

“Yeah, I gave up.   And that’s the only reason she’s still alive.”

“You don’t know that she is.”

“I DO know that.  I can’t tell you how. But I know that she is.  She’s not a hundred percent safe, but she has someone working damn hard to get her away from these people.  I love your sister.  I’d never do anything to hurt her.  Not intentionally.  I WILL find her. And I will make them pay. For EVER touching her.”

“You promised her.  When you met.  That you’d protect her. No matter what. Against anyone and everything.  You PROMISED,  Tyler.”

“And I meant it.  Every word.  I didn’t have a choice.  It was either lose her right there and then, or keep her alive and then do everything I had to to track her down.  It wasn’t an easy decision, believe me.”

“Promise me you’ll bring her home.  No matter what. Even if she is…”

“She’s NOT dead. She’s very much alive.  And I know you’re stressed and you’re scared and you’re pissed off.  I get it, believe me.  But I’m not the enemy here. I didn’t want any of this to happen.  All I want is for her to be here.  With me, with her kids.  That’s all I want. More than anything.  My entire existence? My world? It begins and ends with her.”

“Daddy! Daddy, look what I got!”  The soles of Brookie’s bare feet slap against the wooden deck as she races towards him.  And Riley mouths a ‘I’m so sorry’ before giving his arm a comforting squeeze and bidding a hasty retreat into the house.

Managing to swallow down the emotions,  he turns to Brookie with a smile.  “What’cha got?”

Frowning, she makes her way to the sliding door and peers inside, looking for her aunt.  “Where’d she go?”

“Who?”

“Auntie Riley. She was here and then she was gone and she looked really upset and…”

“She had a phone call.  What’cha got?”

The four-year-old relents and hurries over to him, proudly holding out a reusable grocery bag. “Look!! Look at all the carrots I got for Pumpkin Lumpkin! Declan helped me pick all the best ones! We put some in there for Bodhi too, but he loves apples more, so…”

“We’ll grab him some, on our way out the door.  You ready to go or…?”

“Daddy?” Brooklyn tilts her head to the side as she peers up at him. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t look okay?”

“Not really.  ‘Cause of what the bad guys did to you. If you don’t feel like going to the horses, it’s okay.  I won’t be upset. I understand. I know that you got a lot of ouchies.”

“Come here.” Scooping her up with his one good hand, he presses a kiss to her temple and then settles her on his hip.  “I WANT to go, alright?  It makes me happy; getting to spend time with you.  And I really need a little bit of happy right now.”

“I need some too.  But you don’t look so happy right this sec.  You look like you’re going to cry. Is it ‘cause you’re hurtin’? And ‘cause you miss mumma?”

“Yeah…” Manages a smile through a threatening flood of tears. “...I miss her a whole lot.”

“I miss her too. We’ll take lots of pictures! At the stables.  Like we always do.  Mumma always asks to see our photos! We can show her. When she comes home.”

“Gives her something to look forward to, yeah?  I’m sure you guys will have a lot of things to tell her.”

“I already have tons! Lots of stories. But I have to get to her before Addie does or I’ll be waiting forever!”

Chuckling, he places a noisy kiss on her forehead, then tightens his hold on her.  His eyes closed, chin resting on the top of her head.

*****

The stables are half an hour north. Sitting hundreds of acres of land that includes riding and jumping facilities,  buildings for boarding, and a modernized, eight-bedroom farmhouse that comfortably fits the owner and his extended family.  An army veteran thirty years Tyler’s senior; highly decorated and renowned for numerous acts of bravery and selflessness.  They’d met him and his wife through a support group for military PTSD sufferers and their partners, and an instant -albeit slightly reluctant on Tyler’s behalf-  friendship had evolved. 

 He finds it hard to be social. Not one for mindless chit chat and an immensely private person;  always desiring to keep certain parts of his life a secret.  But Esme had needed someone to bond with and he couldn’t deny or rob her of that.  Someone who would understand the fear and the worry and desperate need to take care of him; not judge her those feelings of helplessness when it comes to not being able to ‘fix’ him. And it had given her much-needed support, understanding, and guidance; someone -outside of him- that she could cry and vent to when things just became a little too difficult to bear.  

It was through Karl and Rose that they’d learned about equine therapy and the positive effects on many war vets battling various demons.  After six months of using a facility-supplied horse and being unable to deny the sense of calm and control riding gave him, Tyler had decided to purchase one of his own.   In turn, Brookie had shown and expressed an interest at a very young age; barely two years old when she’d first been taken to the stables and immediately toddling over to one of the holding pens and drawing the attention of many of the horses.  By the time she was three she could ride the ponies; showing impeccable balance and control of the animal for someone so young.  While not interested in the ‘higher end’ activities like show jumping,  she loves both her leisurely rides and how the wind blows through her hair during the harder gallops.  And she doesn’t mind the mess;  helping muck stalls and fill the feed and water troughs. 

Always used to being outtalked by Addie, she seizes the opportunity of being alone with him. Sitting on the hood of the truck while he tends to tying her riding boots and securing her helmet;  chattering about her week at school and about her excitement at getting to ride her horse and even cleaning her stall and grooming her afterwards.  And she skips alongside him as they head into the main holding barn; the bag of carrots and apples swinging  from one hand as the other tightly holds onto two of his fingers.

In that moment,  she reminds him so much of her mother. The zest for life and the intense and unwavering passion she commits to the things she loves. The fierceness with which she protects those closest to her and the startling amounts of empathy and patience.  And that smile as she beams up at him in pure delight; bright and beautiful and crinkling the corners of her eyes and the bridge of her nose. And somehow -in the painful, horrific midst of his worst nightmare- she manages to pierce the dark and stormy veil that’s shrouded him for the last four days.  Bringing a tiny yet much-needed amount of warmth and sunshine.   

“You know what I want to do, dad? When I’m older? And Pumpkin is too? Guess what I want to do!”

“Show jumping?”

“I already told you tons of times! I’m not into that.  That’s NOT my thing.  That’s more something Addie would do. IF she wasn’t scared of horses. I don’t get it, daddy. How is anyone scared of them? Especially Pumpkin Lumpkin and Bodhi. They’re so sweet! They wouldn’t hurt her.”

“I think it’s because she’s so tiny and they’re so big. It scares her; being so high off the ground.   Probably afraid she’s going to fall off. It’s why your mum doesn’t want to ride.  She’s scared of getting hurt.”

“Bodhi is really big but Pumpkin isn’t. She’s still a baby.  Maybe we can get Addie one of those little mini horses. Remember those? The ones I learned on?  They’re mini just like Addie so maybe she wouldn’t be scared of them.  Can we? Get her one?”

“I can definitely talk to your mum about that.”  

His heart sinks the moment the words leave his mouth. Just something else he took for granted;  her presence in his life, home, and bed always a surety.   And now even the basics have been viciously torn away; he can’t just send a quick text or call her on the phone or simply wait to arrive back at the house to share something he’d seen or heard while he was out. 

For thirteen years,   Esme had been the one constant in his life. Her mere presence had gotten him through the darkest and most trying of days following Dhaka; consistently and devotedly camping herself at his bedside and refusing to leave even when given the most dire of prognosis.   She had supported him through the months of recovery;  his one-person cheering section as he laboured and struggled to relearn even the most basics of tasks and functions.  She had taken him back after their sixth-month separation; tearfully calling him in the middle of the night and begging him to come home.  She’d missed him and didn’t want his absence to become permanent; worried his drinking and drug use would only grow in need and intensity and lead to his demise.  And he’d followed every ‘rule’ that she’d put forth; checking himself into rehab and anger management and agreeing to attend both solo and individual counselling.

She’d been there after Nathan had destroyed both his body and his mind.  Accepting the responsibilities of feeding him, washing his hair, helping him in and out of the shower.  Never losing her patience when the lingering effects of his concussion and added brain trauma had caused him to ask the same questions over and again. She had been by his side when he’d been given the CPTSD and Bipolar diagnosis; angrily and adamantly refusing his suggestion that she walk away and spare herself the torment that would come with having to put up with his ‘episodes’. And the very real worry that he’d one day snap and take all his frustration and hurt out on her and the kids.

“We’re better together than we are apart,”  she’d reminded him.  “You said  that yourself. In Dhaka. So if you think I’m letting you deal with this on your own, you’ve got another thing coming.”

So many roles in his life that she fills.  Loyal confidant.  Fervid supporter.  Best friend.  Lover.  Wife. Mother of his children.  And he’s simply not ready to give any of those up. 

But it’s lonely and he feels so empty.  His broken and aching body constantly reminds him that he isn’t the same man he used to be.  And he worries that maybe…just maybe…he really HAD failed her.  Reneging on his wedding day promises to provide for her and love her and cherish her. To keep her safe, happy and warm.

And to always…above all else…protect her. 

“Mumma will say yes!” Brookie declares, oblivious to the darkness that has descended upon him.  “Mumma loves animals! Like me.  And like you! We all love animals!”

“No one loves quite as much as you. And you never did tell me what you wanted to do.  When you’re bigger.”

“I wanna own a ranch! Just like this one. Well maybe not JUST like it, ‘cause I wanna raise cattle and have some alpacas and a pumpkin patch where people come at Halloween! I’m going to decorate it all up and it’s gonna have apple cider and pumpkin muffins and cookies and pie and there’s gonna be a haunted house! And a hayride! There’s GOTTA BE a hayride.”

“What are you going to do the rest of the year?”

“Spend time with my cows. And my alpacas. Don’t worry, I’ll have some chickens for you and some goats for mum.  ‘Cause they’re YOUR faves.   Maybe I’ll even have horse riding lessons and stuff like that. Or have summer camps for kids!”

“Sounds like you got it all planned out.”

“I’m gonna be a cowgirl! I’m going to wear cool cowgirl clothes and hats and on special days Pumpkin will get her hair braided and her ribbons will match what I’m wearing.”

“You’re going to make a mint.  Beef is a huge business around here. Always in demand.”

Brookie stops dead in her tracks; brow furrowed as she stares up at him incredulously.  “Excuse you, dad! The cows aren’t going to be for eating! Those cows are gonna be my pets! You can’t eat my pets! You wouldn’t let anyone eat Mac or Saju, would you?”

“There’s kind of a big difference between a house pet and beef cattle.”

“Listen, you can get your meat somewhere else. Eat someone else’s cows. Not mine! I swear if any of them go missing and up in the freezer, I’m going to know it was you! And I’m really going to be pissed and I’m not going to talk to you  for a long time. Like a week. Or two! Just to teach you a lesson!”

“Oh man,” he heaves a long, dramatic sigh. “How will I ever cope? A week or two of peace and quiet?”

“Dad…”  Planting a hand on her hip, she cocks her head to the side. “...that is NOT friends!”

“You just told me I can’t eat beef again. I’m a carnivore, damn it.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t eat it ever again! I said you have to get it from someone else!  Eat someone else’s cows. Not mine.  That’s eating your own grandchildren, you know.  That’s the only kids you’re getting from me! Why would you eat them?  You’ll be okay. You’ll find meat somewhere else. Just go to the shops!”

“How did you know ‘carnivore’ means someone that eats meat? You’re only four.”

“It’s ‘cause  I’m smart. Like mum.”

Tyler smirks. “Is that a backhanded way of calling me stupid?”

“You’re smart too, daddy.”  Brookie curls her arms around one of his thighs and leans her hand against him; eyes sparkling mischievously as she grins up at him. “In your own way.”

“You’re a real little shithead, you know that?”

“Yeah, I know!”  With a giggle and a squeeze of his leg, she turns on her heel and skips off into the barn. Pausing only long enough to cast a glance over her shoulder and add, “Mum says I get it from you!”

*****

An hour later, he keeps an ear open for any difficulties in the stall next to him.  Brookie tending to Pumpkin; alternating between talking herself through each step of the care routine and repeatedly singing, “Dirty deeds! Done dirt cheap!”. Earlier she’d insisted on carrying the feed and water buckets herself; slow yet steady trips across the barn as she muttered about how heavy the hauls were.  Informing him: “I can do it! I can do it!” each time he offered a hand.

“Daddy?”

Glancing  over his shoulder, he finds his daughter peering through the slats in the wall that separates the horses’ stalls “Brookie?”

“I got a bit of a problem.”

“What kind of problem?”

“Pumpkin is out of those salt licky things and I checked the storage in here and there’s none there.  I know where they keep them. Out back. And I’m not supposed to go anywhere unless I tell you or ask permission. 

So is it okay if I go and grab some? I’ll be really quick. Like a ninja.”

“Promise? Just there and back? No stopping every stall to say hi to the horses?”

“I promise. There and back! No stopping to say ‘hi’. But it’s going to kill me not to!”

“Go ahead then.”

Tyler keeps an eye on her from over the partition; gaze following as she bolts from Pumpkin’s stall and then scurries through the barn and towards the rear exit.  And he returns his attention to Bodhi when the four-year-old steps out into the sunshine;  speaking in a low, smooth tone as he gently glides a brush through the horse’s mane and along his glistening, chestnut coat.  

There’s something so comforting about it;  the smells, sounds, and sights within the barn’s four walls.  The smoothness of the horse’s coat against his palms and the coarseness of the mane as it slips through his fingers.  Far more therapeutic than any counselling session has ever been; no awkwardness between yourself and a doctor,  no embarrassment at some of the secrets and confessions you share.  And he thoroughly enjoys his time at the ranch;  left alone to tend to his own business and the fresh air and rolling hills soothing him in ways no medication ever could.

He’s filling the water and food troughs when it happens.  An ear-piercing scream that he can hear over the din inside the barn; managing to find its way over the rustles of horses within their stalls and the loud chewing and slurping and the grunts and neighing.  And it makes his blood run cold and every hair on his body stands on end;  initially rooted to the spot he stands in before his instincts take over.  Crossing the stall in two long strides and rushing for the exit; hand reaching under the bottom of his t-shirt for the Glock -nestled in its holster- that he’d clipped to his jeans before leaving the house.

“Daddy!” Brookie’s panicked voice floats in the air. “Daddy! Help! Help me please!”

The sunshine burns his eyes when he steps outside; initially blinding him.  When he regains his senses he glances down and finds a panicked Brookie looking up at him;  her vision blurred by tears of both frustration and fear.    And both feet stuck in a large, thick puddle of mud.  

“Daddy, help! I can’t get out!  I can’t move my boots! Not without my feet coming out!”

Relief surges through him and his fingers slip from the handle of the Glock; tucking it back into its resting place and covering the holster with the bottom of his t-shirt.   And he drops to a knee in front of his daughter; her hands immediately clutching his shoulders as he investigates the situation. 

“Calm down. You’re alright. I’ll get you out of there.”

“What if you can’t? What if I have to stay here forever?!”

“That’s not going to happen. It’s just mud.  Not like you’re stuck in concrete.”

“What if it isn’t mud? What if it’s quicksand? What if it’s quicksand and it sucks me under!”

“I won’t let that happen. And besides, it’s NOT quicksand.”

“How do you know?”

“I know everything, remember? Santa’s email and phone number, how to speak kangaroo.  Now just take a breath and calm down and I’ll have you out of there in no time.”

“I don’t want to lose my boots! They’re my favourite! Mummy got them for me.  And it might be the last thing she ever bought me and I won’t have them anymore and…”

“You won’t lose your boots,” he assures her. “Or your mum.  She’s got a long life ahead of her. Lots of time left to buy you things.”

“You sure?”

“I am one hundred percent sure.  I’m going to find her mum and bring her home and she’ll never…ever….get taken away again.”

“You promise?”

Tyler mods.

“Pinkie promise?”

He hooks his little finger around the much tinier one offered to him, then leans in to peck his daughter’s forehead.  “You’re alright, Brookie.  Nothing bad is going to happen. You’re not going to be stuck here forever. Maybe a few days. At the most.  And if that happens, I promise I’ll come visit three times a day and bring you all your favourite snacks.”

She manages a shaky, tearful smile.

“Let’s get you…and your boots…out of there, yeah?  Then we’ll get you clean and finish stuff with Pumpkin and Bodhi and go for ice cream?”

“Can we get a banana split to share? That’s always our special treat.”

“You read my mind. I was just thinking the same thing.  Come on, let’s get you out of this nasty old mud.”

As he begins working at clearing layers of mud with his bare hands,  her much smaller ones come to rest on his shoulders; tiny body leaning into his, her chin resting on the top of his head.  And after several minutes of scooping away muck and wrinkling her legs, she’s finally free and she gives an ecstatic cheer, an enormous sigh of relief, and then promptly bursts into tears.

“Daddy…” Her sobs shake her entire body, and she curls her arm around his neck and buries her face in his shoulder.  “...Daddy…”

He wordlessly comforts her; one muddy hand in her hair and the other on the small of her back.  Waiting until her sobs diminish in frequency and force before speaking.  “This isn’t just about getting stuck in the mud.  And the boots.”

Brookie vigorously shakes her head.

“It’s about your mum, yeah? And how much you miss her?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t have to.  And I’m not going to force you to.  As long as you know that when you’re ready to get it all out, you know where to find me.  You’ll come to me, yeah? And tell me all about it?”

“I don’t want to make you more sad.”

“Listen to me, Brookie.”   Pulling away, he clasps her face in his hands.  “It doesn’t matter what I’m feeling or what I’ve got going on.  Don’t ever worry about that.  You come first. You and your brothers and your sisters. So promise me;  that you’ll come and talk to me. Promise?”

“I promise.”

“ I know you want to be strong.  Especially for Addie.  And you are an incredibly brave and strong little girl for even trying.  But do you know what the best thing is? For your sister?  For her to see you get upset.  Because she might be older, but she idolizes you and wants to be just like you.  And right now? She needs to know it’s alright to be sad.   To get angry. Cry a lot.  That’s what she needs.   I mean look at your brothers;  they’re not afraid to show it.  Even TJ and Delcan, as tough as they are.  Even She-Beast Millie’s been out in the open about it.”

“She-Beast,”  Brookie repeats, and manages a giggle. “And you cry too.”

“I do.  Lots of daddies cry.  Even the really big and really strong ones.  It took me a long time to do it, though. In front of people. And you know who taught me that it was alright? Your mum.  And she is the smartest person I have ever known. Not to mention the strongest.  So don’t hide things, okay?  That’ll just hurt worse in the end. And for a long time.  I don’t want that for you.  I don’t want you to end up like I did.  Understand?”

She nods. “I understand, daddy.”

“I miss your mumma so much.  Every second of every day.  She’s not just my wife and the mother of my kids, but she’s my best friend.  And she’s been all those things for a long time now.”

“You promise you’ll find her? And bring her back?”

“I will do everything I can to make that happen. So that we get a lot more years with her.  So she gets to meet her four-legged grandchildren.”

Laughing, Brookie rests her forehead against his.  “I’m scared, daddy.”

“I know.”  Pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose, he again embraces her;  large, muscular arms holding as tightly as that little body will allow.  “So am I.”

[fandomsoda]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but if you are struggling and can’t pick yourself up, you shouldn’t have to push yourself to do so. If you can’t get up, you can’t get up and that’s ok. As long as you’re doing everything in your power to remain strong and stay alive on the ground.

This doesn’t mean you should give up when you struggle, but it does mean that you shouldn’t push yourself beyond your limits. Because guess what, if you get up but you don’t have the energy to sustain that, you’re just going to fall down again and have even less energy than before.

Also “no one is coming to save you” isn’t necessarily true. Sure, no one is a savior, no one is a hero, there is no guarantee they will be there when you need them, but people absolutely can and will help you get up and supply you with what you need to be stronger. Don’t waste your time waiting around for them, survive best you can if no one else is there, but don’t start thinking they don’t exist.

tldr: don’t push yourself beyond your limits when it’s perfectly valid to conserve your energy while surviving. And never assume no one is going to help you. Getting up isn’t inherent to continuing to survive and no man is an island. Surviving while you’re still down is enough and I promise that help will eventually come. You just might have to figure things out on your own for a while.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and you don’t have to walk to it alone. Crawling to it is fine, and sometimes others will be there to help you get there.

[commander-minkowski]

ok actually thinking about this though. there's no way brennan wasn't planning for a tpk. knowing how the intrepid heroes are in combat, it was pretty much guaranteed they would all get permakilled; making the constructs stay animated after the fg went down + needing pc death save crits to stay alive + adding the mechanic of instakilling on combat nat 20s ... all but guarantees a tpk for level one players. it would have taken six tremendous streaks of luck to avoid it, and banking on that to continue the entire story feels foolhardy even for a home game, let alone an actual play run by an experienced dm. so, that leaves us with two options (or three, if I'm wrong and this wasn't actually planned):

this was, essentially, a fakeout party marked for death from minute 1 that was meant to show the darkness of the world or some shit. this could be cool, depending on what the new party looks like, but if they're just some more level 1 randos the tpk starts to look kind of pointlessly cruel. which, despite this being horror, hardly seems like brennan's style. however, if the new party is all people somehow connected to the original pcs -- maybe seeking revenge for them, or have been watching them from a distance, or even taking over NPCs that they've seen before like caravan members, the mice, or rosamund's "sisters," that could be cool. I'd be ok with that. above all, the first three episodes shouldn't be completely useless narratively.

However, this tpk also leaves another option:

2. the current party is going to come back.

what if red saying "once upon a time" sends them all into the book? given the gasps and breaths at the end, it sounds like everyone's waking up. what if they wake up inside the book and have to fight their way out/ solve the puzzle of where everyone in the book is going? assuming jack went into the book after he died, this could be plausible (and fascinating).

this could also be a taz eleventh hour situation (ie a time loop), given how much has been said about the party being destined and needing to stay together as a specific group of six. imagine the party just getting zapped back to when they met at the caravan and having to speedrun the forest-mice-godmother sequence again until they succeeded. could be related to the power of the book again, or nebulous forces of fate. ngl this option would also kinda slap.

either way, I'm strongly leaning toward this not having been a true tpk. as long as there's a major status quo change -- like the ones I've guessed -- a resurrection wouldn't feel cheap and would actually be more satisfying than starting over from whole cloth with a new party.

[real-fire-emblem-takes]

maybe i just haven't looked through everything about Birds of Prey but what classes are utilized in this fangame? like it feels like each Fire Emblem game has a different selection of classes, or even variants of classes, or even based on game different weapons for the same classes! so like is it based on a specific game for what classes are there, is it a mixture, is Mod Goldmary making shit up(also a fun option), or some secret fourth thing im unaware of? also that is a lot of mages but i am not complaining because i like mages, but maybe add an archer if you haven't already cause archers are cool also feel free to go on a tangent about Birds of Prey even outside of just classes because as somebody who makes au stuff myself, and frankly i really need to start posting my shit to my actual blog, i know a lot of thought can go into the classes and how they would differ and that sort of fun stuff, that sorta thing is an entire rabbit hole for both au versions of existing characters and for ocs (side note im not signing it off as the anon name because it isn't talking about the au, but hey you listen to me blab about my silly au of making Naesala into a Lord so only fair i listen to your ideas too, especially since i personally would like to know more context to this Birds of Prey thing)

The classes are all pretty normal and their promotions are mostly what you would expect tbh. idk what else to say here. We have Spellspear (basara but renamed) as the only kinda odd thing here i guess? oh and Pegasus, Wyvern and Troubadour have only one possible promotion.

Also 10 magic users feels less like 10 units all competing for the exact same role and more like 3 groups of units competing for separate roles thanks to the changes i did for the magic types.

Dark Mages are designed to fight from a distance with the ability to summon additional units and being the only magic type with siege tomes. Also one spell applies Poison so add that to the war crimes bingo!

Conversely, Light Mages are supposed to be on the front lines and have a variety of spells that increase their own defences, recover hp, or grant damage bonuses on enemy phase. Oh and it also absorbed the fire and thunder from anima. If Yvette wants to grill a wyvern steak then i should let her tbh.

Anima mages stay pretty similar and just have a wide variety of ways to do damage through effectiveness, weapon triangle manipulation, brave effects, high might spells, high crit spells, guaranteed hits, physical damage, completely ignoring res and probably a few more. Wind also isn't all alone as its joined by water, ice and earth! MC is about to bury your ass alive while Alastor drowns your entire family <3

So while they all want high magic, their overall playstyles are very different :) In addition, no class has access to multiple magic types.

Also, just because a character can make a decent magic user, that doesn't mean its their best choice: Mary would prefer promoting into Battle Medic instead of Sage as her magic growth is pretty low compared to her competition and Battle Medic allows her to continue to use her decent strength, have weapon triangle advantage over a solid 40% of enemies, have no weapon triangle disadvantage (fists are really good), and grants her a really powerful supportive abilities, not to mention her ability to reclass into wyvern. Meanwhile, Hewe (might change his name) will probably prefer to stay in pegasus rider and zap enemies with a Levin Sword.

I already have 2 dedicated bow users, but there's room for more :)

And yes, Valstyr's dragon form has feathers :)

[nightinggail-writes]

you have to understand (that the one i killed is me)

Becoming Guardian of the Miraculous has caused nothing but anxiety and stress for Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Between her duties as Guardian, her job as Ladybug, and her civilian life, she's struggling to push through the stress. To Marinette, there's only one solution to her plight; she has to give up one of the three sides of her life.

Tags: angst heavy, depression, un-beta'd

word count: 1,270

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Read on AO3

Spotify Playlist

Chapter 1: Wide Awake

Thunder rumbling

Castles crumbling

I am trying to hold on

God knows that I tried

Seeing the bright side

I’m not blind anymore

I’m wide awake

- Wide Awake by Katy Perry -

Marinette numbly stared down at the box in her hands. It had been three weeks since the battle against Miracle Queen. Three weeks since Master Fu transferred the guardianship of the Miraculous over to her, erasing his memories in the process; and her life has been nothing but miserable ever since.

As she stared down at the box that was slowly leading her to her demise, all she could think was how she couldn’t hold this much responsibility. Her eyes, which should have been bright with the joyful naivety of youth, were dim and tired, making her look as if she had been alive for far longer than the fifteen years she’s been on this earth. Dark circles and bags lay beneath those sky-blue eyes, the true evidence of her lack of sleep. She had far too many responsibilities, and they were starting to make an impact on her health, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Marinette recalled the events of earlier today. How Alya, Alix, Juleka, Mylene, and Rose all got akumatised because of her, how in the end she gave them a shitty lie instead of the truth that she can never tell them, how even when Alya stayed behind to talk to her, she still didn’t say anything. Maybe in another universe, she told Alya that she was Ladybug, maybe she even told them all, or she told Chat Noir, as risky as that would be, but in this one, she was still all alone.

“Marinette?” Tikki called out, the kwami’s eyes full of concern for her holder, “You could have told Alya, it wouldn’t–”

“It would put her in danger, Tikki,” Marinette muttered. “I can’t tell anyone, not even Chat Noir. That would just put him in danger too. I’m alone in this, I’ve accepted that and so should you.”

Marinette racked her brain for anything she could do to make this whole situation easier for herself, but every idea she had wouldn’t work. Every idea ended with complete isolation from everyone, abandoning all her friends and eventually her family too, just to continue to fight Hawkmoth for possibly the rest of her life, and never seeing them again. The other options included quitting being Ladybug for good, but that wouldn’t work either. For one, she doesn’t want to give Tikki up, or Chat Noir for that matter, and two she would have to go out and find a replacement and that would take who knows how long, and there's no guarantee that this new Ladybug would even be able to keep up with Chat Noir or handle the Akumas. Every option she thought of was one she didn't enjoy the outcome of.

A plan, she thought. I just need one plan, that’ll ensure I can beat Hawkmoth sooner rather than later, and won’t have to give up my civilian life forever for.

“Marinette, you don’t have to give up your civilian life or give up being Ladybug. You can do both,” Tikki pleaded. “I believe in you, you can handle both.”

And just then, an idea popped into Marinette’s head. It was insane and would probably require a lot of planning and wouldn’t be able to be put into action until her parents would be out of the city for a catering event for a few days. She would have two weeks to prepare for the most insane idea that she’s ever thought of.

“I don’t quite like the look on Marinette’s face right now…” Ziggy whispered to the other Kwami’s, “She has this crazed look in her eyes.”

“I’m not crazy, Ziggy,” Marinette stood up from her chaise, her tired, baggy eyes wild as she gestured to herself, “I’m a genius. I don’t have to give up my civilian life permanently!”

“See, Marinette! I told you that you didn't have to give up your civilian life! You just need to—”

“Fake my own kidnapping! There are no flaws in that!” Marinette enthused. “I’ll just go missing for a few weeks and dedicate that time to hunting down Hawkmoth and my duties as Ladybug won’t be as taxing! It’s genius!”

The Kwami’s looked at each other, and then looked back at Marinette. She had her arms crossed with one hand on her chin, occasionally lifting it to gesture at nothing as she mumbled to herself, pacing back and forth across her room. Her hair was messy from running her fingers through it and her eyes, formerly droopy and tired from stress, were now wide and wild thinking through the details of her plan.

The group of god-like creatures huddled together and nudged Sass forward to say something to their Guardian that may break her away from her plan. “Ah, Marinette, while that idea isss…intriguing, we don’t believe that it’sss the wisessst plan. Where would you go while being Ladybug? What would you do to find Hawkmoth? And if you did happen to find him and recover the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculousss, how would you go about un-kidnapping yourssself?”

Marinette stopped pacing and for a moment the Kwami’s thought that Sass had gotten through to Marinette. Until she opened her mouth, that is.

“Well, I would find an abandoned building to stay in, of course. As for finding Hawkmoth, that’s a plan that would take longer than a few minutes to think of, and figuring out what would happen after I recover the Miraculous is something for future Marinette to figure out.”

“Marinette,” Orikko spoke. “What about your friends? You’re parents? You’ll be leaving them, and they won’t even know what actually happened to you. Doesn’t that make you sad?”

Marinette’s arms went limp, as if hugging herself, her eyes softening and dropping in sadness, eyebrows scrunching, as a frown formed on her face. She looked as if the life had been sucked out of her. “You think I won’t be sad? Of course I’ll be sad. I don’t—I don’t actually want to leave my life behind, but I don’t have a choice. I’ve never had a choice when it comes to the Miraculous. I have to do what’s best for the greater good, and if giving up my life is what it takes, then that’s what I’ll do. No amount of begging is going to convince me to do otherwise. I’m sorry.”

The Kwami’s looked down after hearing Marinette. It hadn’t occurred to them that Marinette had felt this way about the Miraculous, or that she didn’t actually want to leave her friends and family behind and be the Guardian and Ladybug for the time being. The thought of this brought some of the Kwami’s to tears.

“Oh, Marinette,” Mullo cried. “We’re sorry! We didn’t think about how you felt about this. Well, we knew of course because we were there, but we didn’t know that’s exactly how you felt!”

The other Kwami’s shouted their agreement with what Mullo said, and flew over to hug Marinette.

Marinette closed her teary eyes and pet the Kwami’s as they nuzzled close to her, “I love each and every one of you.” she said, “Never think otherwise.”

“We love you too, Marinette!” Daizzi exclaimed.

“Everything will be okay, Marinette.” Wayzz declared, “All will go well.”

“Of course everything's gonna work out. I have all of you to help me.” Marinette replied. But even as the words left her mouth, she was still consumed by the everlasting blanket of loneliness that, in two weeks time, would be all she had.

[scratchandplaster]

Stack The Deck - PART 4

CW: threats, choking, anxiety, stress position, reference to non-con

PART 3 ⇽ [Masterlist] ⇾ PART 5

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Hours had passed, time which gave Elliot enough opportunity to prepare a list of people who had enough reason to hate him. Even though Morris, his trigger-happy captor with too much free time, claimed to not follow any personal vendetta, he couldn't shake off the inkling that this was his fault.

How much more personal could it get? His mind drifted through names and faces, some more detailed than others: James Randall, high school bully turned general contractor just a few towns over. They had some quick and rough encounters during their time together, but nothing more came about it. Or Eve Anderson, who used to sit just two cubicles down from him and was let go by their manager because of her, well, unorthodox bookkeeping.

The last thing he heard about her, whispered among his coworkers, was the rumor that she went into crypto. Mister Harris, loyal customer and enraged by the inflation of gas prices, continually harassing his workplace with angry calls. But none of that was reasonable...

Otherwise, I am going to slit your mother open from her chin down to her fucking-

Neither was this situation. He had to be smart about his actions, or the consequences would be graver than an improper lay-off from a white collar job.

No promise would guarantee his stay to be quick - less likely painless, but he had to at least know the reason for this madness. If he wanted to use this information to his advantage, if he wanted to get out here alive...

Elliot felt a new wave of misery creeping up his stomach, choking him tight from the inside. Registering the now warm fabric of the mattress below, he imagined how eternity would feel like. Just waiting...surrounded by dirt and dubious bodily fluids. Waiting to be gutted in an empty crack house nobody would ever care to search for.

The pressure behind his eyes increased to an excruciating degree, threatening to burst out of him as a fountain of grief. Tears made their way forward. Elliot was too scared to talk, to even move, but his body needed any kind of catharsis; so he cried.

It was silent at first, a sniffle or two making their way out of his throat, hopefully muffled enough not to irritate the man just a few feet away.

Morris had spent long hours playing cards with himself, solitaire, Elliot suspected. Now spread across the dirty wood like a mosaic, the cards connected to each other with a charming precision. Stopping only every few minutes, to look at his phone. His mood never seemed to brighten after that.

A pastime, so he doesn't have to endure me.

At this, he finally broke. All the fear, guilt and stress of the last hours culminated into an unstoppable force, pushing its way through Elliot's body until it ripped his lips apart. Trying his hardest to stop any treacherous sounds, he clenched his jaw tight and pressed himself back down in the filth of the mattress, face now deeply hidden. It didn't change anything. The anxious panting echoed through the living room, making their way to the source of all this terror.

As he slowly shifted in his seat, Morris couldn't hide the feeling of unease any longer. Turning the chair around, he fixated on the shaking figure in front of him.

"Are you done already?" This cold tone didn't do his captive any good, even boosted the uncontrolled motions of his limbs to an unhealthy degree. "Stop that, you look like a-"

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" Elliot screamed with a sudden anger, so very blinded by fear that all thoughts of torture were pushed aside. A childish part of him screamed at this unfair treatment, and no nausea, cramps or headache could hold it in anymore.

--------

Morris stopped his line of threats in an instant. The quick shock of an icy feeling at the back of his neck, but after a few seconds he pulled himself together. He thanked himself for doing this alone, his partners would have already ripped Elliot apart for this mild tantrum; and also humiliated anyone who would let a hostage address them that way.

"Oh, stop your whining, I'm not even doing anything! You want the gag again?!"

He really shouldn't worry about this sudden blast of desperate resistance. He was perfectly safe, everything was under control. She would answer... They just needed to wait a bit longer-

"No!" the man below finally answered through clenched teeth, "I just want to understand-"

With a hard slam, the chair flew back onto the floor, accompanied by playing cards slipping from their previously neat placing. Everything happened so quickly, none of the men grasped how they ended up like this. Without warning, Morris was on top of him again, both hands enclosing his neck, but not quite squeezing yet.

It was visible how Elliot cursed his loud mouth, the cloud of anger now nearly evaporated and replaced with a somber nothingness. The blank expression, empty eyes staring into Morris´, hid behind smeared red on pale skin.

He thought of who came before, but couldn't find a good reference of character to plan his next step. The younger man didn't belong to his usual clientele. Which meant that the rules weren't established yet, a shortcoming Morris had to account for, if he wasn't busy strangling his captive right now.

He reacted so negatively to threats. Sure, who doesn't, but the greatest part of compliance he got through talking him down in a poised manner. They could scream at each other for the whole day, but empty phrases didn't seem to cut it this time. In any case, he wasn't the usual kind of man trapped in Morris claws, he had to approach this from another perspective.

Ketamine, maybe. If Elliot refused to give him another option, the next snapshot would be of him having a drug induced breakdown on the carpet. He wouldn't overdose him, of course, he wasn't that kind of idiot. Nobody would benefit from that.

With one thumb pressed onto Elliot's larynx, pushing it down against the hard front of his spine, Morris collected himself to correct his rookie mistake:

"I'm going to repeat myself only once, alright? This is not about you. No personal agenda here, so don't make it one." 

Small nods shook the drained head up and down; intentionally or not, Elliot continued to hold his breath underneath the weight of his captor, signaling him to continue. 

"In a few hours, this will just have been an ugly nightmare for you, but nothing more." Another set of nods underlined the promises of freedom, realistic or not, didn't matter anymore. 

"I'm not an animal, so don't treat me like one. If this phone rings," he pointed at the small device on the desk, endlessly looked at in the past hours, "I'll have everything I want. This is all I expect from today."

His fingers let go to rest next to Elliot's head, caging him but not touching any more than he needed to. Raising an eyebrow, Morris waited for another sign of acceptance.

--------

Liar. Liar. Liar.

He was sure these words meant nothing, only trying to lull him into submission. This Morris didn't want him to make noise, to call for help till he got finished off. Elliot would be murdered and not even granted the reason for it. So he just gave in, once again lying flat on the thin piece of foam, not moving besides a light shiver.

"I will be reasonable, if you let me be."

With this final warning, Morris stood up again. Looking down at the drained picture of distress, he grabbed his phone to take a picture. Evidence of the consequence one awaits when screwing him over.

He probably gets off to this, Elliot realized, now regretting his defiance even more. He shunned the thoughts dropping into his mind, that there was the possibility of death only being the second-worst thing that could happen to him here.

His hopeless expression only made Morris shrug worthlessly, pocketing the phone again. Despite his obvious violent tendencies, Elliot couldn't push aside the feeling that the brute searched for a conversation with him. Like he wanted to let it all out, to prove to himself he was being reasonable...

"I'm sending her another one, maybe she thinks the one in the trunk was just a joke, I don't know... This has to be done." He spoke more to himself, breaking the forced eye contact. 

So it is just about money, in the end. Draining the last sorry penny out of my parent's bank account.

Wondering how Morris would ever think that his mother takes these threats lightly, he rolled himself into a more comfortable position. His still bound hands continued to tingle with sharp stabs all throughout, adjusting to the new normal.

Even though he finally gave up on fighting, past and future threats practically forcing him into compliance, his captor continued to eye him from time to time.

"You want a deal?" the question floated to him after a few minutes of silence. Elliot refused to imagine what favor Morris would ask of him, he tried to ignore the unsavory thoughts, fostering his anxiety ever so drastic.

"You can play a round of cards with me...you know, to pass the time." 

Elliot started to listen again, hoping for some kind of break. Please don't let that be a euphemism. Untroubled, Morris continued:

"I'll untie you for that, and you will stay calm indefinitely. That's the deal, nothing more."

It was irrelevant, if there was a hidden catch to this offer, Elliot failed to gather the effort to care anymore.

"Okay," he whispered, "Please."

"Now that's more like it!" he exclaimed, almost sounding enthusiastic about a card game, as he once again knelt down on the mattress to pull out his knife. Before the blade could separate the cursed binds of tape, he stopped for a second.

"You won't try to pull any stunts, right? I'll stuff you back in the trunk, if I have to."

Or break my bones. Or gag me again. Or gut my mom. Elliot didn't want him to get even more creative, just shaking his head a little.

"I won't do anything, I swear."

With a simple slash, the overbearing pressure in his joints released, first in his shoulders and then further down his arms, as Morris worked his way through the loops of tape at every other point. His long numb hands were last.

Both shoulders finally snapped forward, immediately letting him catch himself in a tight embrace. Somewhere deep down, he could feel the burning soreness of the muscles and ligaments shifting back into position, like returning from the longest stretch in existence.

Feet still tied, he was dragged by the hem of his sweater again; gliding across the carpet floor. This time laying limp as a rag doll.

Make him like you, make him like you.

"Crazy Eights should be a good start for you, to warm up a bit," Morris determined, as he dragged Elliot onto a second chair, just as decrepit as his own.

Being upright again after so many hours spend in the horizontal, he had to fight against the black dots dancing around his field of view. His whole body seemed to come back to reality, piece by piece, hands now gaining new feeling and strength. 

Elliot could do this, maybe physical force wasn't the kind of strategy he should have gone for at the start. Struggling to start his line of thought again, his glimpse was stuck on the phone in the thick leather pockets of his now opponent.

Well, he could start with that. His mind started to reel with wild plans to somehow get into possession of Morris' phone, but again, another beating would probably be the price for that kind of audacity.

My phone, he realized through his new-found clarity, I'm missing from today's practice. If I hold out long enough, maybe they can track us down. I just have to buy some time.

Perhaps being obligated to remain level-headed wasn't to his detriment after all.

Morris shuffled the cards quickly, collected and cleaned prior, and started to divide them into two stacks for each player, respectively. He didn't bother to explain the rules again, and Elliot not even dared to ask, too scared of starting another argument.

With the first card turned, Morris laid one in his hand down.

Make him like you, maybe he's fond of pets.

"I have a rabbit at home and-"

"I know, and I don't give a fuck. Your turn."

He forgot to feed Ginkgo, he remembered, digging deep in his mind for information about the previous evening. Fuck, what am I even doing-

"You want the gag?" Annoyed, he looked down at the piece of knotted fabric still hanging around Elliot's neck.

"No!" a quick gasp told him.

"Your turn, then."

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Thanks for reading 🤍 [Febuwhump 2023 Masterlist]

@febuwhump

[the-fiction-witch]

Take My Hand P9

Media 1912

Character Thomas Brodie Sangster

Couple Thomas X Reader

Rating Sad

Concept Take My Hand

Warnings Abuse / Suicide attempts / panic attacks

|Y/N|

"Hello?" I called across the ship it echoing in the darkness

He didn't move

"Are you okay?" I asked

I he moved back and I relaxed a little seeing him sit on the bench with his clothes, I went to continue my walking but I couldn't look away as he picked his leg up and began untying his shoes

"Sir?" I called but he was undeterred or couldn't hear me losing both his shoes and marching to the edge grabbing the railing and the moment his foot touched the railing and began to climb over.

Immediately I knew what was happening and with no regard for the rules of the ship I bolted I grabbed my dress and bolted as fast as I could across the wooden deck jumping over the barriers and ropes preventing the mix of classes by the time I reached the first class area he was already over the other side his hands grip all that held him on the ship 

"Don't!" I yelled grabbing the railing making him slightly jump to see me I was right he was crying, eyes bloodshot, his whole body physically shaking his grip all that kept him on the ship 

"Stay back!" He answered 

"Please - please - just"

"Leave me alone" 

"No. No please it's okay it's okay"

"It's not okay! Please just go. Leave me alone"

"You know as well as I can I can't go now. I won't leave I promise I'm right here,"

He cracked a little the anger disappearing revealing the truth he was broken unable to hold his tears "Please... just stay back. Just let me do this."

"You don't want to do this"

"Now do you know what I want!"

"I don't you're right I don't. All I know is that's a really really long way down. And it's not quick. It's not painless. The only thing I can guarantee is there's no going back. Not If you let go" I told him and he seemed for a moment to calm down "just breathe okay. Big breath in big breath out" he did as I told him so I walked him though a few breaths each one getting slower even if his breaths where jagged and harsh

"It'll hurt?" He asks 

"Oh god yes. People talk about drowning like it's quick. Like it's numb but... I can tell you first hand you're completely aware of what's happening. You're aware how deep, how long you have left, and how deathly cold you are. And every failed breath will struggle, every muscle will try desperate to keep you alive. And the cold doesn't make you go numb as you'd expect. It's more a shocking change that feels like someone stabbing a knife onto you everywhere. Sorry that's probably not helping"

"No... that helps" he says, readjusting his hands a little "grounds you sort of."

"Yeah I guess so."

"How do you know that?'

"...personal experience." 

"please just go. I don't want anyone to see me. And I don't want you to get in trouble"

"I don't care about that. All I care about is you. I'm not going anywhere I promise what's your name?"

"Son of mark, heir to the west elm estate and -" he began

"Your name not your title" I giggled

"T-thomas" he choked up a little

"Hi Thomas" I smiled

"Hi"

"I want you to do something very important for me Thomas. Tell me three things you can see"

"Uuhh... The railing."

"Good. That's good"

"The uhh the water"

"Okay, waters cool very pretty"

"You."

"Yes. I'm here. I'm here right beside you. What's three things you can hear?"

"... Uhhh the water.... You... I can't hear anything else" he began to panic again 

"That's okay. That's okay, two things is enough. Three things you feel just keep focused"

"I feel the wind."

"How is the wind?"

"Cold, b-blustery I suppose"

"That's a good word. I like that word. something else"

"I feel the railing."

"How does that feel?"

"Cold."

"Where does it feel cold?"

"My hands. My feet."

"Okay that's okay. One more"

"I feel my heart"

"Okay what's your heart doing?"

"Beating very fast"

"Just breathe, keep breathing it won't feel so fast. Does that help?"

"Yeah. That helps.... Thank you"

"You're welcome. What uhh, what are you doing over the railing tonight?" I asked holding the railing just beside him

"I.... I don't know." He said trying not to cry

"That's okay. It's okay not to know." I smiled "do you want to let go?"

"I did ... I- I'm not sure anymore"

"That's okay. Heat of the moment gets to us all. But Please... don't let go"

"What does it matter. No One's going to notice"

"Thomas. This is a big ship I'll grant you but  people will notice. You got on but never got off that's something people will remember I promise you that" I reassured him "please just come back over, just take my hand" I offered my hand to him and for the first time he really looked at me tears staining his face

"You don't understand. This... this is the only way out"

"I promise you it isn't. I promise there is another way out their always is" I told him "and we'll find it together" I smiled moving closer offering my hand still he glanced back and forth between my hand and the water "please just come back over"

".......okay" he sniffled slowly and carefully. Taking my hand slowly he turned to face the ship and I helped him where I could as he nervously stepped over the railings climbing over to be back on the deck where we both let out a breath "thank you miss. I... I don't even know your name"

"Y/n"

"Y/n. Thank you y/n"

"That's okay, it's no trouble at all" I smiled letting him sit on the bench with his clothes and I sat beside him

"You knew what I was gonna do. Didn't you?"

"I had. A Nervous feeling, yes."

"How'd you know?"

"Shaking, crying, pacing your whole deminter really. Could tell a mile away something was wrong. You weren't in a good headspace. Only a matter of time till something went wrong"

"I've been sat at dinner with my father all night. Not even a meter away. He couldn't tell anything was wrong"

"For some of us it's easy to see."

"That's far from the first time you've done that? Is it?"

"Unfortunately. No. Far from the first and I don't imagine it'll be the last."

"Sorry I didn't want to upset you -"

"It's alright. Some of us learn from experience"

"You're sweet. Maybe you're a... reverse Syren."

"A reverse Syren?" I giggled

"Use your magic words and voice to, not make men jump in the ocean"

"Maybe. Happy to do so though. How'd you feel now?"

"Better" he nods 

"What made you feel that way? If I can ask?"

"... Everyone. Everything. I feel smothered. That felt like the only way out"

"Fair enough" I nodded "I'm just happy you feel okay" I smiled squeezing his hand and he squeezed it back

"Thank you. I really mean it. I'd be at the bottom of the ocean if it wasn't for you"

"It's no trouble really." I smiled 

"My father would kill me he found out I was talking to you. Never mind holding your hand"

"Why?"

"Your a third class girl. Class and image is all that really matters to him" 

"Hoe do you feel about it?'

"I couldn't give less of a shit what these silver spoon fuck wits thought about me" he says grabbing a ciggette box from his jacket and making himself one which he quickly lit and blew across the deck and out to sea he took it away and offered it to me so I took it to take a drag myself but I coughed "sorry it's kinda strong" he says as I handed it back

"Holy toad where did you get that?"

"Stole it off my dad." He chuckled "he's such a hypocrite. I can't smoke because it's bad for me, and because it'll rot my teeth and turn my lungs black, because it's a dirty habbit. But he can smoke like a factory chimney and that's fine" 

"One rule for you, one rule for him"

"Very much so. Sorry I don't want to burden you with my problems"

"It's not burdening. It's ... tossing it to sea" I smiled "we all have problems. Troubles and burdens. Probably good to let a few out into the sea" 

He smiled squeezing my hand tightly "thank you." He smiled having to wipe a tear "sorry - you don't know how nice that is to hear when your told so much to suck it up and be silent" 

"Well, I'm here to listen. And the big wide ocean has enough space for everything, and it doesn't really care knowone will remember what we say to it"

We sat together on that bench for what could have been forever, just chatting. Nothing all that deep mostly little things pleasent distractions and all. But he never let go of my hand and I never let go of his, and together sitting in the little wooden bench we watched the most beautiful of sights.

The sun rise over the horizon, turning the vast endless ocean this beautiful pink and red it truly was beautiful the most beautiful sunrise I'd ever seen. 

"Thank you for everything tonight."

"Your welcome. It was nice to sit with you. You feel okay?"

"Yeah I feel okay" he smiled "I don't want to keep you you'll miss breakfast"

"Your right, I wouldn't want to miss my porraige oats. The menu says they may have marmalade too" I smiled 

"That's it?"

"I think they did say there might be fruit. Maybe"

"I suddenly feel really awful about planning in skipping grilled ham, potched egg and anything else I want." 

"That does sound delicious. But I like porraige" 

"Well I won't keep you then, I'm sure I'll see you around y/n"

"It's a big boat"

"Yeah but not like we can go anywhere"

"Alright have a nice day Thomas"

"You too" he smiled 

So I headed back to my own deck and went to my room to get changed for breakfast.

[blifuys]

in the slim chance i forget you are mine

pairing; reikao | 1.8k words | G

read this on ao3!

[tags: light angst, fluff, established relationship, christmas]

placing ribbons on each of the scenes my eyes picked out

i continue on my way home, collecting them like souvenirs

the seasons greeted me, i even picked up a few tears,

how should i begin to describe this way home you’ve given me?

—

“I think I might not be able to make it home before Christmas,” Kaoru’s voice crackles through the cold air of Rei’s dorm — filling the silence that his dorm mates have left him in. It is evident that Kaoru’s not alone. The bustling background hints to Rei that he’s probably between filming sessions, and that Rei shares his lover’s presence with a team of stylists and makeup artists fussing over flawless, tanned skin and soft golden strands of hair, “It depends, though? The snow is quite bad here, we might even need to delay my return until New Year’s.”

An imaginary weight tugs Rei’s lips even further down, and he silently sends his thanks to whatever cosmic ears are listening, that Shiratori-kun and Tenshouin-kun are not around to witness the growing pout spreading across his face. It's enough that this minor inconvenience has such a sway over him, but he cannot guarantee that anyone would leave the room alive, should they bear witness to the secret toddler that Rei's been housing in his body all along. 

“But you promised,” He finds himself saying, almost akin to a petulant child being denied their favorite toy, “Kaoru-kun, you promised.”

“I did, I’m sorry, Rei-kun.” Kaoru's voice dips into an apologetic murmur over the line, a beautiful sound that never fails to crush Rei's immortal heart into ashes. 

But Rei couldn’t place fault in Kaoru, nor did he want to. How could he hope to ever pass unfair judgment upon Kaoru like that? Kaoru, who toiled day and night for this little family they called a unit. Kaoru, who chose to accept this job halfway across the world, knowing it would bring great benefit to UNDEAD in a myriad of ways.

Kaoru, who actively and willingly made the choice to stay by Rei's side, both figuratively and literally; in heart, mind, and soul. 

"It's okay, Kaoru-kun," Rei pulls the blanket around his supine form, letting the heavy fabric cocoon his slim body to safety. "Perhaps we could do something fun when you return, hm?"

What a shame, Rei thinks, as he eyes the mini Christmas tree gleefully glimmering in the corner. He remembers the very day it went up — Shiratori-kun, explaining the tradition his family cycles through every year without fail, every word being dragged out of his mouth like a single stare could accidentally send Tenshouin to his early grave. 

"Tenshouin-senpai, are you sure you want to hear about me?" Shiratori-kun asked then, white-knuckled grip creasing the magazine in his hands. He's very certain that Shiratori was not paying attention then, and Rei is already amused at the way he's sure to react once he sees his precious idols crumpled beyond acceptable recognition,  "I don't come from a rich family, so our traditions might be a little…"

"Nonsense," Tenshouin waved him off with an air of impatience, as if urging their shared roommate to carry on with his story, rather than stop to show respect befitting of a top idol, "What was that about the tree? You decorate them with lights?" 

"Ah, yes, we do," Shiratori nodded slowly, eyes trained on Tenshouin, "We're not religious, but we've always liked Christmas. We would hang up trees in the living room and buy ornaments to go with."

"Do you decorate it together?"

"Yes, I think that's the best part about Christmas — getting together with your loved ones to enjoy the Christmas spirit together!" 

The tree twinkles in the corner, the little star on top rotating slowly as it catches the warm glow of the room's ceiling lights. 

"Rei-kun, are you okay?" Kaoru's voice breaks him out of his thoughts, and it makes the memory of him ache in his chest a little more, "Talk to me."

"Oh, Kaoru-kun, of course I am alright," Rei tightens the fabric cocoon around him, neatly tucking the folds under him as he stares up at the ceiling, only his arm free of his safe haven to hold up the phone pressed against his face, "This old man is happy to simply hear a voice as youthful as yours."

"Oh really? Then I suppose you're fine then," Where once laid concern was now replaced with mirth, knowing exactly what would push Rei's buttons. "And since you're fine, I can hang up now!"

Though Rei has a degree of pride—he does , thank you very much—nothing short of Herculean willpower could stop the whine that leaves him, the way his lips curl into a pout, while he wiggles his displeasure for no one's eyes to see. 

"Kaoru- kun ," He begins, only to hear Kaoru laughing at him, the audacity! " Kaoru-kun. "

"Yes, Rei-kun? Use your words."

"You are such a meanie, I won't talk to you any more. Stupid, stupid, stuuuuupid !" 

Kaoru's gentle laugh fills Rei's ears, soothing the ache from his heart like a mother's sweet song, as his tense frame relaxes. Though he was disappointed, Rei knows that Kaoru knows, and in their skirting around each other, he still knew how to assuage the longing, the pining—in the mastery that only Kaoru held over Rei. 

Perhaps one day, they could say it directly, without the intricacies of offense and defense in play. One day they would look each other in the eye, and speak of the fatigue that weighs heavily in their souls. But for the time being, this is enough, and it is more than enough for Rei—who once swore no one would lay a finger on a monster such as he—to be held so tenderly like a jewel; to understand and be understood without the flourish of false promises. 

"I love you," Rei suddenly says before he can catch himself, because there is no time better than now to show his hand, "I love you, Kaoru-kun."

"And I love you, Rei-kun,” Without hesitation, without a single pause, Kaoru bares his heart in a one-for-one exchange, just like they’ve always done, “More than I can ever say."

—

It is three minutes to midnight on a particularly cold Christmas eve that Rei’s phone rings; as the unit leader is three lines of lyrics away from a tantrum. Without looking at the caller, he shoves the device between his ear and his shoulder, as he silently pleads with his verse to just rhyme already—

“Rei-kun?” 

Rei places his pen down and swivels his chair away from the desk, turning his focus to something actually worth his time.

“Kaoru-kun!” He says, as he notes the silence in the background, save for the other man’s faint footsteps, “Your schedule is finished for the day?”

“Something like that,” Kaoru hums in glee, in the way that tells Rei that the other man knows something that Rei doesn’t—that he has the upper hand, “I’m just heading back at the moment.”

“I see, to what do I owe the pleasure of the great Hakaze Kaoru’s phone call tonight?” Rei leans his chin on his knuckles, while shooting a quick glance at the clock hanging on the wall. 11:58pm , Rei would need to retire to bed soon if he wanted to wake up at a respectable, human-like time in the morning.

“Why, can I not call my partner?” Kaoru teases, “I thought you loved me, Rei-kun!”

“Love, what a youthful feeling. Would you permit an old geezer like me to indulge?” “Shut up.”

A laugh bursts forth from his chest, and Rei leans back in his seat, heart so full to the brim that he feels like he could implode. Though his partner could not physically be here with him, it meant the world for Kaoru to offer even the slightest bit of companionship, where his voice would act as a tether to keep Rei from spiraling too far down into abyssal loneliness in the dreadfully cold winter. Kaoru was summer, and the only sunlight that Rei could ever hope to reach; much less hold between his palms. 

“What a romantic you are, Kaoru- kun ,” Rei playfully babbles, though the sound of a knock on his door echoes through his room—snapping him out of his momentary lapse in composure, “Oh, hang on a moment, there’s someone at the door.” 

He pushes himself up from his chair, and he crosses the room to the door in one, two, three strides. With his phone held firmly in one hand, Rei pulls the door open, quickly addressing whoever was behind the door; impatience already urging him to pay his fullest attention to Kaoru.

“Yes, who is i—”

Standing before him is a tall man, with golden wheat for hair. His warm, light brown eyes are filled with mirth, as his tanned complexion tinges red—possibly from exposure to the cold, cold snow outside. 

“Hello,” Kaoru says, “I’m here to deliver a gift to one Sakuma Rei-san?”

“K-Kaoru?” 

“Santa-san has sent me, his little helper, to hand your Christmas gift to you,” His eyes twinkle as his hand reaches into his coat pocket, fumbling about, “And just in time too! I’m glad I made it.”

A quick twist of the arm and Kaoru’s holding a sprig of green above them both, verdant foliage bundled with a pretty red ribbon. In an instant, Rei recognises it for what it is, and he feels the rush of warm liquid pooling in his eyes, shocked and taken aback in the overwhelming giddiness of it all. Kaoru is home, a distant voice echoes in the rational part of his mind, a direct command cutting through the dazed fog of it all. 

“Now, close your eyes, and—” Kaoru hums, leaning in cheekily, before he’s suddenly cut off with cold lips against his own, and thin arms circling his waist. He laughs, a simple warm huff, before he returns Rei’s embrace with a tight one of his own, tilting his head to let Rei’s lips slot better against his. 

A push, a pull—Rei chases Kaoru’s lips, unwilling to let his partner escape into the cold winter breeze once more. He does not know how long they perform their dance, only when the heat starts to stick uncomfortably to their layers do they part for air. 

“You cheeky brat,” Rei grins, leaning his forehead against Kaoru’s while his hands find their place on Kaoru’s hips, “You didn’t tell me that the snow let up?”

“Perhaps I am capable of some surprises too, Rei-kun,” His blonde lover grins, lopsided and cheeky, “After all, how could I catch up to the great Sakuma Rei if I don’t play some underhanded tactics of my own?”

“Not great,” Rei shakes his head, and he knows he’s not making any sense, but fuck it , it’s Christmas, “Yours.”

“Mine,” Kaoru repeats while he gazes into a scarlet stare, entranced with the pools of ruby that he’s made his home in, “My Rei-kun.”

[rainbowvamp]

an unsent letter: 1889 - bargaining

~630 words. Hob being a sad guy. The swing of the pendulum in the other direction, away from anger and into bargaining. Poor Hob.

AO3

---

The kind of fountain pen common in 1889 would not have left an impression, the way a modern ballpoint pen wielded with too much force might, on the paper below it. But emotions are as tangible in the dreaming as any other physical force, and so, if one has the capacity to see it, the impression of the letter, written in anger, can still be see on the sheet of paper that sat below it. The sheet of paper the very next letter was written on, just a few days later.

——

I’m sorry. God, what a fool I am. I know this. I have known this. It doesn’t surprise me or anyone who knows me that I’ve been a fool. There are other ways to say things. Other ways to phrase truths that are indelicate on their surface. I accused you of being lonely. And I still believe you are, but would anyone else have reacted better, at being called as such, especially if it was something they denied to themselves?

I wish for little and ask for less, but please don’t stay away. Please don’t let my foolishness have ended us. We are friends, I stand by that sentiment, but I’ll concede that you don’t need me. You probably don’t need anybody, but I need you. You are the thing that sustains me. The only constant in my ever changing world besides change. I love change. I love these people and this world and everything fantastic within it, but the prospect of never dying gets a little grayer when I think you may not be a part of me being alive ever again.

If you want me to grovel, or to beg your forgiveness, then I will. I’ll do it. Whatever you want. I’ll lie through my teeth and say we aren’t friends and this is just us passing time in our immortal lives, but please, don’t make me. I would do anything to continue seeing you, even if it hurt me to do it. 

I’ve counted on never losing you since 1689. Since Eleanor and Robyn and Skylar. Since destitution and never ending hunger, and night spent freezing with nothing more than the clothes on my back to keep me warm.

I thought, fool that I am, that it would be safe to love you because you would never go anywhere. Don’t make a liar of me. Don’t prove me wrong. Be here again in 100 years. Please. Please. 

I’ll never mention this again. I’ll smile and tell you stories and never say a word like friendship ever again. But please don’t leave me alone here. I don’t think I could stand being alone in this world. 

My life is full of people I love, but I’d give them all up today if I could but guarantee I’d get to see you again. As terrible as it may sound, people come and go. It’s a necessity when you live forever. I counted on you to stay. I needed you to stay. I need you to stay. 

I will say and do whatever pleases you. I will curse myself and my name. I’ll take back all the things I said. I’ll apologize and apologize again for the rest of my long enduring life. But please don’t leave. Not like this. 

You can ask me not to say it, and I won’t I’ll only think it. I’ll think about loving you but never show it. I’ll miss you and never let it on. I’ll put on a jovial face and be a good lad and entertain you once every hundred years, but please just come back. Please be here. 

I will do whatever you ask. I will do whatever you want. Just please don't stay away. Please.

[kittymittenz-favs]

So I found this paragraph I wrote a couple months ago. I thought I'd share it for anybody who feels alone or just needs a reminder that they're loved.

I have the power to keep myself alive. I may not have the power to stop everything, but I have the power to do whatever I can to not die. I have the power to tell the world that we are not fucked, and that we can all do as much as we have the energy for to make this world better. Whether it’s big things that everyone will know about, or just respecting your friend’s new name and pronouns. Every little thing you can do for a trans person could make a massive difference. Just not making them wear a dress if they don’t feel like it. Letting them grow their hair out if they want. It could change everything for them. Because the more happy trans people there are, the more people we have to fight against people who don’t want us to be happy. The more trans people who are allowed to show themselves, the more people we have to fight against the people who wish we would stop existing. I’m so glad I made the promise to myself to stay alive. This goes out to my best friends. This goes out to trans people I don’t know. This goes out to all the people who refuse to accept that I am here, like my own father. But especially, this goes out to all the trans kids who think they’re alone. All the trans teens who wonder if life is even worth living. Every single young trans person out there who thinks it’s hopeless. I promise, it’s not. Some days, I don’t believe it gets better, either. So I won’t say that, because I know you’ve heard it a billion times. But I will say that without you, I wouldn’t have anyone to speak to. Without you, every single one of you, we would be alone. Without you, we would have more and more people deciding that we don’t deserve to live. With you, with me, with all of us, together, we can keep trying. It won’t happen immediately, or even soon. But look at what the people who came before us have done. They’ve given us the power to even be able to say this. So if we keep working, keep trying, keep going, we can continue improving until the trans people of the future can live without fear. Until anybody who feels like a girl, can be a girl. Until every single person who decides they/them fits them more is respected and there’s no more laws being passed that they shouldn’t be given human rights. Until no more person has to listen to their own parents call them by a name that isn’t theirs every single day. We will not stop until no kid has to feel fear about their gender. I will not stop until every single transgender kid knows that I was once you. While I don’t know your full experience, whether you’re reading this the day I post it or you’re reading this years later, this is for you. I love you. You are beautiful. And no matter what happens, please stay with us. If nobody in your family, in your school, in your town, in your whole country seems to care about you? I do. I can guarantee that at least one person will miss you and will grieve for you. I can’t change the world. But I can keep myself alive, because just existing as a trans person is one of the bravest things you can do. And that’s all it takes. You are so brave. I love you.

Reblog this if you have the time. Every trans kid or teen or adult who feels alone should see this. Thank you for reading. ❤