#or burned i just dont think it should be Required Reading.

[izzy-b-hands]

finally convinced myself to apply for the Folx fund help since otherwise im just. not making enough to cover regular doc visits and T rn.

(more venting abt this stuff below the cut feel free to skip)

And as of tonight im out of the vial my housemate generously offered since ae is changing up T methods rn anyway (tho i did try to get out any leftover T from previous syringes in my sharps box into the current vial, in an attempt to save any i could, but it didn't work as well as i wanted it to unfortunately)

I don't want to detransition. I'm genuinely terrified of it bc even just my period returning these last months has sent me spiraling each time. I'm the happiest I've ever been since transitioning (despite any additional Life Horrors occurring alongside it) and i just. I don't want to go back. but I'm not going to rely on my friends and family to bankroll this too while i try and get back on my feet

im nervous to have applied and tbh don't anticipate getting it simply bc goodness knows there's a fuck ton of us in need of help like this, and im just one of many. but holy fucking shit a year of paid for care would make a huge difference. one less expense to weigh on me for at least a little bit, enough time to hopefully get into a better more consistently paying job so i could just afford the usual Folx membership as I would like to rn if it wasn't $89/mo (and even switch back to gel to have a break from the injections for a bit, but that's an extra $50, so nearly $150 for that which rn is Ouch and just not possible to give out monthly which makes me feel so pathetic and shit but i just. Don't have it at a consistent rate rn with the polling center job fuckery and my anxiety with the job)

I don't want to be taking help from someone who needs it more, but if they can spare a spot for me i would be in their debt for the rest of my life and beyond grateful

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hii i’m not sure if you’re taking requests or not but if you areeee

Can you write smth about Ford x reader where they obviously got a crush on each other (but they dont confess they’re shyly dumb) but the crush got bigger bc reader decides to peck Ford on the cheek as a “Thank you” bc he helped them with smth, yanno yanno :33

Ps: I really really love your writing waaa keep up the good work!!

The crush you harbour on Ford and him on you was the least subtle thing ever, everyone could see the way you looked at each other as though the other hung the stars in the sky; you were both smitten kittens but were too scared to admit it for one reason or another.

You didn’t know when exactly you started having a crush on Ford, you merely assumed that was always the case ever since you met the man with the beautiful brown eyes, and you were perfectly content with that but what you weren’t content with was how everyone wanted you to confess.

‘He doesn’t like me like that, I’m not sure he likes anyone within a romantic aspect.’ You’d use as your excuse whenever anyone brings up the fact that you had yet to bear your heart to Ford.

‘Then you haven’t seen the way he looks at you.’ They’d respond and you could only look at them as though they’ve grown a second head. However they spoke the truth as Ford was equally as infatuated with you and would find himself pushing back the work he didn’t think required all his attention, all in favour of spending time with you whether it be star gazing or anomaly hunting.

Ford couldn’t remember the last time he felt light on his feet, head in the clouds and as though he was thirty years younger then he actually was and it was all thanks to you. While he wants to confess he found himself unable to do so when he looked into your eyes and found everything he could ever wish for within them; only to end up speechless as your eyes flickered with multiple emotions at once as he remained stood still as a statue, staring at you with a fondness within his eyes as you spoke random things to fill the silence.

This half attempts to confess -or lack there of an attempt- was enough to annoy the people close to you both as Stanley wants to put his head through a wall, Dipper vowed to himself to never be this bad and Mabel was on the verge of screaming at you both to kiss and get it over with at this point; the slow burn was killing her with how hesitant or chocked up you both become in each others presence.

They just wanted you two to cut the bullshit and start being a couple, solely just to make up for the months they’ve all have to suffer from seeing you both obviously pine for one another.

So currently you and Ford were looking for a so called ‘flying pig that may or may not be waddles parent or ancestor’ as Mabel had said to you both that very morning. So when Ford asked dipper if this was true, you swore you’ve never seen a boy sweat as much as Dipper did when he tried his hardest to convince you both that such a creature exists within the woods; you and Ford shared a look that spoke your unwillingness to believe, before agreeing to go out and look for this flying pig that may or may not be waddles’s ancestor.

‘Even if this flying pig is waddles’s ancestor, wouldn’t waddles also have wings by that logic?’ You asked.

‘Not necessarily my dear as the wings could be a hereditary trait that can skip multiple generations and appear in someone later down the line.’ Ford replied as he pushed up his glasses that were slipping down his nose, ‘however even I have to admit that this flying pig phenomena being real is slim to none despite everything else we’ve encountered here.’ He adds and you couldn’t help but laugh.

‘Then the billboard should read as this: Gravity falls, we’ve got everything to satisfy a diehard supernatural fanatic, just no flying pigs.’ You said in a goofy voice as you playfully nudge Ford in the side as he smiled softly, looking at you and feeling his heart become full; but before he could say anything a demonic squeal echoed throughout the forest causing you both to stop just as the birds stopped chirping.

Ford instinctively stood in front of you protectively as you tried to deduct where the blood curdling squeal came from. ‘What was that?’ You whispered my resting your chin on Ford’s shoulder as he reached for the gun at his hip upon instinct.

‘No clue dearest but I believe we might’ve found our anomaly.’ Ford replied lowly for only you to hear, only for the sound of wings beating filled your ears as a plump silhouette of a winged creature could be seen from a distance. You couldn’t help stop yourself from commenting ‘that could be a thousand things before it could be a flying pig-‘ just before you could finish the sentence the plump silhouette must’ve spotted you as it started flying towards you both at high speed; it was downright frighting.

‘FLYING PIG!’ You screamed the moment the figure got close enough to identify as both yourself and Ford ran began to run away from it as fast as your legs could carry you. ‘And here I thought Mabel had eating too much of that edible glitter and hallucinated.’ You added as Ford quickly took your hand in his, intertwining your fingers as he pulled you with him to hide behind a random tree, pulling you in close to his chest where you could hear his heart against your ear.

The demonic flying pig flew past you and it was them did you notice how massive those wings were for a creature that was of the same size of an average adult pig, but still it was scary to see a pig with teeth as sharp as razors; what was even more scary was the fact that pigs would eat anything and everything. You cuddled up closer to Ford instinctively as he held you close in order to comfort you. ‘It’s okay my dear, it’s gone now.’ He whispered against your head, kissing it as his hands rubbed up and down your back. ‘It must’ve gotten mad that we were within its territory and felt the need to scare us off.’

‘Well consider this officially scared off.’ You muttered against his turtlenecks finding the honest comfort and protection within his scent as you allowed it to invade your senses.

‘We’ll go back home and forget that we were almost flying pig food and watch some movies while drinking hot chocolate. How does that sound my dear?’ Ford asked and before his brain could comprehend what had happened, you had kissed his cheek and Ford felt his cheeks blossom with heat and his eyes widened.

‘That sounds perfect as long as I’m with you to do all of that of course.’ You replied softly as you looked at Ford with a soft, almost pleading expression and Ford felt his resolve crumble to dust as he averts his gaze from you.

‘I would love nothing more my dear.’ He admits and you were quick to clutch his hand in yours and drag him from your hiding place and begin your walk back to the shack, all the while keeping your wits about you in regards to one flying demon pig. ‘Then it’s a date!’ You exclaimed as you could hear Ford choke on nothing behind you, which only made you smile.

You’ll tell Mabel that you didn’t see a flying pig, but got a date out of trying to make up for the disappointment.

[kvothbloodless]

A incredibly weird problem I see in a good portion of fantasy stories these days is something Ive been calling "Inferna delenda est", and which my less pretentious friends (all of them) call "the hell problem". Its sort of something that, because its a genre convention, is almost always ignored, but once you see it, it cant be unseen.

I admittedly only started seeing this after reading UNSONG, which is literally About this problem. But now that its been pointed out, I cant unsee it elsewhere, and any media which runs into it but doesnt address it becomes almost entirely ruined for me.

The issue of Inferna delenda est is present in any setting which 1. Has real, proven afterlifes where most people literally go when they die and 2. Has one of those afterlifes be at all comparable to Hell, i.e. any place where a significant number of sapient creatures are tortured for all eternity.

If those two criteria are met, almost any plot becomes pointless and trivial. What does it matter that a hero saves a city from destruction when beneath their feet millions of people are burning, and many of those saved will join them? Who cares whether the ruler of a country is corrupt or not? The evil that would be stopped by replacing them with even a perfectly competent and benevolent ruler is staggeringly inconsequential compared to that of an eternity of torment.

Like, im not being vague or making an analogy here. Im just saying that its incredibly difficult to care about a plot to stop a war or kill an evil wizard when the story offhandedly mentions the fact that millions of people are 100% being tortured for eternity in a real place and no one is doing anything about it.

And even further, it makes it Really hard to view the heroes as...actual heroes. The degree of callousness required to keep the existance of hell in the background (from an in-universe perspective) is just ridiculous. Like, if youve got your high fantasy hero saving an entire continent from an evil demigod or whatever, the fact that theyre Not constantly thinking about hell is just... if you have that kinda power, and you literally know for a fact that Hell is a place, then you should be fucked up about it!

Like I can understand that growing up in that setting youd be resigned to it, not much a random soldier or whatever can do about it. But once they become super powerful? And they never even Mention Hell? That much callousness automatically moves you down a few notches from hero.

Obviously in a lot of settings hell just sorta Exists, and soul sorting is vague, but even then like. Break into Hell! Rescue people or at least relieve their pain! Its just so insane that the worst thing literally imaginable as a physical place (maximum pain that lasts literally forever with no hope of relief) is a staple of lots of fantasy settings and so many authors just do not in any way address that.

And like I said, its not that theyre writing Poorly because of this. Its a genre staple, and if you dont give it too much thought it doesnt seem to be an issue, especially given [gestures vaguely in the direction of christianity and its popularization of the concept of hell]. But god now that its been pointed out it drives me Nuts.

Anyways idk where i was going with this. Read unsong, i guess?

[orangeboulevard]

And The Cities Burned (Oneshot)

Day nine of kinktober, dayumm. Smut, religious talk, triggering elements in this one such as stalking and grape, if that is potentially harmful please dont read. Monster in this one, also can be read as a reader insert? spooky!! Dynamics: monster x human, yandere/stalker and their darling Content: stalking + biting/marking Word Count: 702

It's true what they say: by the time you've realised I'm hunting you, it's already too late; I've been following you for days. 

You're so loud, purposefully attention-seeking in everything that you do, in the way that you that your footsteps fall heavily onto the slated paths around my forest, in the way that your breath comes out in measured deep exhales, in the way you slam your door shut when you return to your home, and in the way you languidly peel your sweaty tight running clothes by your open window. 

You're inviting me in with your whistling, you decided to take a late-night jog by my forest yet again. I've had to restrain myself the last two times. My thighs still bear the deep claw marks. I don't want to be like this. I don't know why God saw it fit to burden me with such a cursed mind, I'm crying at night, praying for these... impulses, to go away. I want to look at you and wish only that you go home safe and sound, far away from my forest and the other creatures lurking here. I wish not to look at you and think of the most depraved and disgusting things; this is your fault, if you would just stay away...

Maybe God has sent me to punish you. You are Sodom and Gomorrah reincarnate and I shall be the cleansing rain. You are required to feel the burn and choke on the sulphur if you wish to atone and be forgiven. I am your reckoning, I am your saviour. 

You should be thanking me when I tackle you to the ground and drag you into the depths uncharted, not screaming. You're being too loud again. One look at my red eyes has you shutting up. Finally. You're prettier when you don't speak, when those sultry lips are curled into a frightened frown, your eyes wide and watery. 

I stop to coo at you, my cheek brushes against yours -I ignore your flinch-, You mustn't be scared, I am going to deliver you to your salvation. You're an unholy creature of seduction, Jezebel's bastard daughter, Baal's seed. If it is not His will, why does he not save you? Why have I not been struck down? This is His will then, he has abandoned you to me. 

So don't squirm away when I pull at your clothes. I said don't. You turn your face away from me now, laying still, tears falling over the high arches of your cheeks. Submitting yourself. Good. The sight of your bare body is not foreign to me, yet it does not fail each time to arrest my attention, captivated by those gently painted curves, those hand-sculpted mounds of tainted flesh. The red crown of my teeth in your shoulder is my mark of Cain, a promise: I will purify you. 

You cry out when I enter you, the stretch no doubt is a searing pain, but you'll live. My body looms over yours completely, you're sizably quite smaller. No matter, your body will heal. When my hips start to rock, your hands grip my chest, your nails digging in, I allow it. Your face is scrunched up, your brows knitted and your eyes squeezed shut. It hurts, I know, I know. My cheek brushes against yours again, I coo softly at your harsh yelps of pain.

I know you're still adjusting but I need more already. I am a slave to my degenerate mind, this is your effect. My hips slamming into you more relentlessly, the obscene sounds echo, from the way that you're screaming now, you act as if I'm splitting you in two. Your entire body moves up when I thrust into you, I have to pull you back down, further onto me. 

I start to lick at the bloody bite mark I left on your shoulder, I'm repeatedly hitting your G spot because of how big I am, it's starting to turn your screams and cries into reluctant whimpers and then moans. 

[nahalism]

for the past two days now, i have been feeling slightly off my normal frequency which manifested physically. i put a lot of pressure on myself to do better and get things right. just because i feel things are moving slow for me. i see people my age owning a car, being married, having children or in a relationship and i’m none of that yet. my career isn’t stable and i look after myself (all bills on me). it’s exhausting and almost embarrassing that i can’t save enough to cater for some of my needs. i have a degree and i’ve been applying for the right jobs, yet, nothing. i have a job. thankfully but the pay is just not enough.

how do you get out of a funk like this? how do you find peace with self when your life feels stagnant?

hey <3 something i read on here once that saved me was, 'your effort will not betray you'. it meant two things to me at the time. 1) if i stay true to my path & keep up the hard work, i will inevitably reap what i have sowed, (a comfort) 2) that what i reap is in direct relation to what i have worked toward (room for correction). it was a correction because i realised i needed to do more of what i wanted to see in my life, not more of what i thought it took to be the the kind of person who i imagined would have those things. (example) sometimes, we want to be in a relationship, so we work harder at work. the two dont tally, but we assume someone financially stable makes a good partner, so blindly double down on the wrong course of action. the reality is, someone financially stable, is someone financially stable. being a good partner is a different skillset with its own and separate requirements. as such, the best way to prepare for having a thing, is to do that thing. — peace comes from clarity. so your first step is to be clear on what is it YOU want (not where it is you think you should be). if your comparing, you're looking toward other people to gauge where you at, with no real conception of what the reality they face entails, which is dangerous, shortsighted and misleading. each of us has different start and finish points. the individual nature of the journeys were on also means we have different crosses to bare. if your going to compare another persons good, to your fully fleshed reality, you will always come up short. so, its best not to compare— but if you are going to do it, be sure to compare both the good and the bad. and(!!) be sure to remember that the same way the grass is greener for you elsewhere, is the same way your grass looks greener to someone else. if your now is not enough for you, more will only ever be more, not better. appreciate what you have today. make it part of your new beginning. (what you dont use, you lose). second, prioritise the things you want in order of priority, not preference. having one goal at a time helps reduce burn out and increases focus, which reduces the time span spent working on the goal. if you want to work on your finances and your career security, make it your sole focus for the next year. that means forget about cars, kids, marriage, and anything outside of your prioritised goal, for now. those other things will find you, but they need to take their proper order of priority, which means unless they seek you out and add to your outlined goal, your in no position to acquire them right now. — side note* realise, that your current independence is a freedom, not a burden. the same you that exists today, with kids and a car and a marriage, would have way more responsibility (so x10 the pressure to make things work with about 90% less of the time & flexibility to do so). use that current freedom to your advantage. an informed and intentional purchase, or marriage, or family, is so much better than one acquired as a goal post. don't be the person who wants something just to have it, be the kind of person who goes after things they can maintain. it will make the switch from independence to interdependence less prone to codependence <3

(now.. lol, for the question you actually asked), my first steps to get out of a funk are to clean the house top down, wash bedsheets, clothes & remake the bed. i order or reorder my space to order my mind. then i light candles or incense to set ambiance and to set intention. i shower. make tea and eat (also intentionally). maybe do my hair or something to my appearance that makes me feel more polished since i usually work in a bonnet and house clothes. then i journal or write, and let how im feeling out till i get to the root of why im feeling it (the outlet may be different for you, but whatever it is, the outlet should allow for you to be present with your thoughts and emotions, reflect on them, and process them). usually, doing house work clears some of the mental chatter so im ready to write/purge it out once im done. if i need more, or am just not ready to go back to work, i work out (skip/yoga, something to root me in my body), or i take a walk in nature. if i need something more cerebral than active, i look over my past work to get perspective. (usually our hard work is paying off, but as our skill level increases so do our expectations for what we should be producing. sometimes you just need a reminder of how far you've come in order to see the value of continuing forward). * also dont forget to put away the washing once it dries to get the full *house is clean* effect.

reading this back, i forgot to tell you — you have not been left behind by life. its not too late to share in all the things you might feel are rushing by you. open your heart to what your journey looks like, and not societies clock. you don't need me or my advice. you have all the answers within you, (and the capability to bring them to fruition!) focus on what will make you truly satisfied in this moment. perhaps you already have it. but regardless of if you do or don't, you should be proud of having brought yourself this far!! keep working hard, keep pushing yourself, but push with love & the knowledge that your capable and want to see your capabilities, not as your own bully, or a critic who thinks more is never enough. trust that your effort will not betray you, and that it will lead you to life experiences that make great stories. hindsight is for laughter, not regret. *big hug*

[us3rnam3-r3dact3d]

WEVE BEEN FED ONCE AGAIN‼️‼️‼️‼️YIPPPEEEEE🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 I was in a painting class when this dropped,, longest hour of my life, my hands are still covered in blue paint as I write this

first paragraph got me thinking I should leave freelancer alone w Dr. Brachium 😳....and of course he's the cutiest sweetie pie,,,, my baby girl 🤭🤭

not kody bru cmon now. and OF COURSE he's freaky about it what are we doing guys. KEEP THAT WIERDO AWAY FROM THE BODIES I DONT TRUST HIM.

sunshine pixie cut? blue car? *VERY LOUD CORRECT BUZZER* (pls tell me it was a nissan)

ok.. I always write my comments as I'm reading ur story

my face dropped and my heart just fucking sank,,,, kody what the fuck

I feel nauseous- that line just gave me whiplash....the rainstrom..I'm on the floor

it's these little details that make your writing so immersive for me. LMAO U DIDNT EVEN PUT HIM IN THE TAGS 😭😭 get clapped idiot hope they leave ur ass in a burning building

I was fortunately remedied by caelum content even thought its sad he's much better off w gavin and FL. BUT OKAYYYYY GAVIN 🤑🤑🤑🤑 4 DIGITS????

FL taking charge on checking tank, yeah girl this is what I'm talking about ++ THE ADVICE YEAH GIRL THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!!!! ugh.. guys can we all just pinky promise to be super nice to eachother and not be evil and we'll hold hands and get ice-cream and watch silly movies and-

AND DESPITE WHAT EVER THE FUCK IS HAPPENING FL is still talking about hot men,,,, same Freelancer,,, same 🫂🫂

the story just gets better and juicier with every upload, another great read keep it up bestie!!!!!

-🦀

Happy to provide for you my friend!! I'm so honored that this fic has you so excited!!

Oh yes, Freelancer is a giant flirt and pretty much spends all of their time observing how attractive the people around them are. Person after my own heart, when they see somebody hot, they are ogling.

Yeeaaaahhhh Kody is a creep. He's supposed to give "no empathy for the dead people" and he finds the fact that Brachium has so much empathy a little bit funny?? He just thinks it's stupid to talk to the bodies. Brachium is used to that, though. Some of his colleagues believe that it's unprofessional, but Brachium finds it to be a central part of his process when it comes to dealing with his job. He can't separate himself emotionally from death, so he has to plunge himself into the acceptance of it head first.

Thank you, thank you, I love a manic pixie dream Sunshine for sure. For you, crab anon, their car is now canonically a Nissan.

I'm sorry for the surprise, but I felt that was how the line had the most impact. I actually forgot to put Kody in the tags at all lol I will amend that. Yeah I wanted to line to come on fast, since that is often how these things happen. That single moment changed a lot for Freelancer, and so it abruptly changes the tone of the chapter. I'm so glad you liked it.

And yay Caelum!! He's a cutey, even when he's traumatized and in shock lol. He's for sure better off with Gav and FL, and Gavin will spare no expense when it comes to Caelum. He makes his fair share of money and he won't let Caelum want for anything ever again. It does result in Caelum being spoiled, but that's neither here nor there.

Freelancer is Capable and once they past their insecurity, they show it. Their greatest strength as a medical professional is their empathy, same as Brachium. The fact that they put their whole heart into things. The person who can help Darlin' through this moment is only that person because they were victimized. They can use that for good now. Not that that's required, of course, just how Freelancer prefers to deal with it.

Freelancer WILL drool over a hot man every chance they get. And David Shaw is a very hot man.

Thank you so much!! I'm so glad you're enjoying this piece buddy. I look forward to your asks every time I post. More soon!!!

[burningvelvet]

I love your posts about Mary Shelly, I'm currently studying Frankenstein in school and reading The Last Man.

A bit off topic, but in the spirit of awful takes about old authors, I saw a post on here about Oscar Wilde, saying something along the lines of "Lmao dont sue someone for saying you commited sodomy when you did commit sodomy" and went on to say in the tags that they think Oscar Wilde was a "mean theatre gay". Okay I'm sorry I'm just petty but not only does this person not understand how incredible homophobic 1800s Britain was but they also seem to not know what homophobia is like. In general. I think that stereotypes and tiktok are the bane of my existence

Thank you! And I completely agree. I hate the way anti-intellectualism proliferates online, and I fear for people my age and younger than me.

Every day I think that the majority of our ideological, cultural, and social problems could be solved by a better and more accurate understanding of – and appreciation for – history (not just global history, but personal, ancestral, local, evolutionary – all of it). But that requires the ability to accept the complexities and nuances of the world, and to humbly admit to your own lack of knowledge, and to seriously question your values, morals, and beliefs, and to tackle all of the Unsavory Stuff of Life. Most people don't have the strength to do any of this because it's complex and confusing and uncomfortable.

I'm not a historian, but I am a huge fan of all things history, and every day I try to implement historical context and knowledge in every aspect of life. Like all people willing to admit it, I still struggle in my own self-education process, and with the various cognitive dissonances and implicit biases I've discovered in myself thereby. I understand many things are subjective, and everyone is tinged by their own biases built by their individual experiences.

With Wilde, he's an incredibly fascinating thinker and cultural icon, especially in LGBT+ history, and yet he's still so divisive even among progressive types for various reasons. He doesn't fully live up to 21st century Western standards of morality or ethics. As an economically privileged white man in the 1800s, of course he was raised to hold some prejudiced opinions when it came to race, religion, gender, etc. - yet, overall, he also was still far ahead of his time in these and many other regards compared to everyone else back then. He's contradictive, and knew it, and wasn't afraid to show it. He can't be easily defined, and people don't like that. But he's still an important historical figure and always will be, and I don't think he or his works should be burned. It's not reasonable to hold historical figures to modern standards or stereotypes. Context is key.

Also: if you didn't know, a lot of The Last Man was semi-autobiographical! A lot of interesting things have been written about this aspect of it.

[freckliephil]

Do you realize you have poc mutuals and it hurts that you have not said anything in support to the discussion, but instead said people should log off? People are mad but if you don't want to reblog vent posts you can still just... say the obvious, that people shouldn't be racist here. Otherwise saying you're not racist means nothing and does not make this space safer for anyone. And I really, really mean this in the most non-violent way possible. (Also fine if you don't answer this, just a heads-up anyway)

Im gonna be so fr right now and then im going back to work. Ive been on tumblr for 10 years. Ive been engaging in fandom for longer. i can say with complete confidence that fandom tumblr is not the hill to burn yourself out and die on re: activism and racial justice.

Its absolutely disgusting and unacceptable that poc phannies are getting sent slurs and anon hate. Idk how else to put it - it sucks and im disappointed its happening in a fan community im part of. But like, idk what exactly there is for anyone to do other than be aware of what you can, not be a dick, or log out? Like, idk what is being asked of me other than to not actively be a racist asshole myself?

Tumblr sucks, i fucking hate it here 80% the time, this place is a literal nightmare echo chamber and it’s hardly gotten better if at ALL in the decade ive been here. Idk if this is noticeable, but i really dont spend a lot of time here in general. I just started a full time job in a new field, i have partners and friends and a busy ass poly schedule that leaves me like 2-3 hours a day of downtime IF THAT. Sometimes i use that time to browse tumblr or shit post with my friends, but being active on tumblr and staying up to date on the goings on of people i dont know or talk to online is reaallllyyy not my priority. I literally dont read OR make posts on tumblr over 3 paragraphs as a pretty loose rule - this is not my news source, nor is it somewhere i want to go to read or engage in people’s tumblr brainrot induced lukewarm takes about real issues that require things like nuance and self awareness. I got a Gender studies degree for that. I have my real life community for that. Yall dont know me and i dont know you, and respectfully, im not getting paid to keep up with these things.

I fully stand by my statement that we should all just log out. I dont want poc phannies to burn themselves to the ground fighting with idiots who wont change, at least not in this setting or this context. I dont want people, either random white phannies trying to avoid blame OR dan and phil themselves, to put out half hearted statements about racism. This shit is serious, its complex, and it’s not something i personally can commit to changing or even keeping up with IN THIS CONTEXT. There are more pressing issues in the world we live in for me that have nothing to do with fandom or tumblr politics or fucking dan and phil. I’ll acknowledge that it fucking sucks, and im genuinely sorry to the poc phannies who are getting the shitty end of the situation as they often are. i dont want anyone to be run out of phannie tumblr nor do i think the solution to racism is to just go “oh well, people never change, time to give up and shut up” BUT i also really dont know what this call to action is really for if the issue at hand is…anon hate?? dan and phil not *maybe not going to latam or asia on a tour?? stuff dan and phil said a long time ago?? Like, correct me if im wrong, but those really aren’t issues in my control, and as much as i wish anyone’s words could have a real affect on them, they just wont. All you can do is reduce harm with the tools at hand - turn off anon, build community with people you trust and get to know them as people and not URLS, literally log of and go get some air, find communities you can have real dialogue and action within. Thats all i know how to cope, and all i can recommend doing.

Im not trying to be an ass or say this isn’t important, i just really dont think the answer to this issue is to go into people’s ask box and demand they say something when you literally dont know them or their lives. not everyone has endless time to engage in complex discussions on tumblr, and i really truly believe begging people to say SOMETHING is completely unhelpful when these issues are so sensitive. I really hope things change and i wish i had more time to actually get into it or form helpful, productive opinions other than this, but i dont.

[jngsjngs]

do u still have the original writing/chapter of rei recounting each love language with shoto 😭😭 that slays me every time i think abt it 😭😭 ik u rewrote hsc for the sake of reflecting your current skill level at the time but i hope u dont underestimate how truly phenomenal hsc 1.0 was

this means a lot 😭 i think i’m past the point of feeling like i have something to prove so i promise there won't be another major rewrite any time soon but that said i just went back to the original draft of the scene ur talking about and i might add her back because as it turns out i like the first version a lot more than the current one 🥹 ehe

(slipping it under the read more so u don’t have to wait) (the original was in chapter 20 of hsc 1.0 which felt a little too soon so that’s why i ended up rewriting it) (a condensed version in chapter 27 now!!!)

〰️

I was a good twenty minute walk away from campus when Ochako texted me saying I had to get to class in ten. It wouldn't have been an issue if I had the authority to speed up using my Quirk, but without a provisional license, I was just a mere civilian hoping her homeroom teacher wouldn’t notice her absurd amount of tardies. Despite my general dislike for unnecessary physical exertion, it’s said that desperate times call for desperate measures, and that, in addition to my fear of Aizawa-sensei, convinced me enough to make a run for it.

Defeating Villains required a decent amount of cardio in its own right. Kamihara-sensei helped improve my stamina by about double my previous limit, but I still couldn’t fathom running for the sake of running, and doing it so early in the morning worsened the burning  in my lungs tenfold. I made it down the hall from our classroom before I had to stop and catch my breath, clutching my shirt as an embarrassingly searing ache shot through my chest.

"Should I call for help?"

I almost didn’t turn around if only because I had no reason to look behind me. At this point, I wondered if my Quirk possessed an unknown characteristic that allowed me to sense him before I could tell that someone stood next to me in the first place. Or maybe the fact that I thought of him so frequently these days turned into somehow summoned his presence.

"I could've died in the time it took you to ask that," I said, looking up at the boy standing about a foot away from me.

Todoroki didn't even bat an eye. "Your jokes are almost as impressive as your streak of tardies."

"I hope Aizawa-sensei finds it in his heart not to mention that to my mom," I mumbled, letting out a huff of exhaustion and exasperation. "Not my fault no one woke me up earlier."

"I heard they tried calling you nine times."

"You can’t prove that."

"Yaoyorozu told me, and if I had to pick the least likely person in this school to tell a lie, we both know it would be her."

A prickly feeling coursed through my veins when he uttered Momo's name. I learned a lot about myself during our week of internships, and that allowed me to admit that though I didn’t consider myself a self-loathing person by nature, I had grown to dislike facets of my personality over a gradual amount of time. It didn't occur to me the first time it happened since I had just woken up, but I was awake enough now to recognize that jealousy fed on such insecurities, and jealous and insecure was exactly what I was.

My envy didn't manifest as a possessiveness over Todoroki or unwarranted dislike towards any individual that looked his way. The more I thought about it, the more I confident I felt that I didn't mind if he talked to Momo, especially not when I considered them two of my closest friends. No, it presented itself in the form of whispers in my mind telling me that I wasn’t good enough, and that someone would always be better, not just for him, but in every sense of the word.

"I trust Momo not to aid you in tarnishing my reputation," I said, reeling in any negative feelings committed to surfacing.

Todoroki didn’t respond, and for a moment he didn’t say anything at all, but I had long since grown accustomed to his bouts of silence. I left him with his thoughts for a minute and expertly spurned mine until he spoke again.

"You called Yaoyorozu by her first name just now, and earlier this morning she called you," Todoroki said, hesitating. "Rei."

In spite of my petty inner turmoil, the corners of my mouth curved into a satisfied smile. "I didn't expect her to agree."

"What do you mean?"

"I asked her for a favor," I said, sparing him another glance from my peripheral. "It's kind of lame on my part, but that was it."

Todoroki stared straight ahead, but turquoise slid to the corner of his eye to meet my pair of crimson.

I could admit that I was jealous of Momo from the very beginning. The day of the apprehension test, I was disappointed because she placed first while I ranked below someone I accidentally called Bakagou. Though I also knew my friends better now and would've just as easily admitted that I deeply respected and admired her and the blond, I couldn't help but feel like I was somehow ten steps behind her. And him. And Todoroki.

"Should I call you," Todoroki hesitated again, and I started to wonder if something about my nickname made it particularly difficult for him to pronounce. "That, too?"

"No need to hurt yourself."

Todoroki shook his head, this time rather adamantly. "It's not what you think. I was just curious if you preferred it over your surname."

"Do you have a preference about what people call you?"

"Not particularly."

"You picked Shouto as your Hero name for a reason.”

It might not have been the best time to initiate a potentially deeper subject that seemed strangely significant under the surface since we didn't have much time in general, but I had a feeling Todoroki didn’t trail off into silence for no reason and tried to fill the holes in the conversation for him.

"Todoroki is an important name," he said, averting his eyes to his shoes. "I've accepted it as part of my identity because I had no other choice, but if it were up to me, people wouldn’t see me simply as Endeavor's son."

"You don't want to be a better version of your father, but the best version of yourself."

Todoroki looked up at me in surprise and slowly settled into the expression as if he should've expected as much. I stared at him knowingly, perhaps all too well. The two of us shared such similar stories when it came to family, but none felt better or worse, not even entirely the same. I thought of them more like asymptotes coursing on a continuous line, approaching a curve without actually meeting at any finite distance.

His troubles sounded familiar to a precise degree, but he dealt with them in ways I sometimes couldn't fathom. Todoroki learned to significantly humble himself now in comparison to the first few weeks I'd known him, but he still possessed a remote level of arrogance, which, combined with his tendency to be solitary and sort of aloof, often made him take the initiative without considering the opinion of others. I, on the other hand, cared too much about what people thought of me.

The urge to improve because you wanted to be better than you were yesterday had the potential to be overwhelming. It was an ineffable appetite that could only be quelled by results, and those results had the chance to turn into repercussions if you weren’t careful about how to achieve them. Todoroki learned that the hard way when he tried to depend solely on his ice. Left untouched, his flames might've turned into a conflagration that swallowed him whole.

I learned that the hard way when I tried to shoulder my burdens and everyone else's on my own. The difference was that he strived to release the weight he carried, and I grew more aware of the load I kept adding onto mine. Todoroki didn't know what it felt like to hate himself. I couldn't blame him for that, because doing so would mean I wished it upon him, and I'd never wish that feeling on anyone.

"I don't care either what people call me either," I said, lips quirking at his curious stare. "I just ask people to call me Rei because it’s the part of me they can relate to the most, and that somehow makes the whole becoming friends thing a lot easier."

"I don't get it."

"Do you think we'd have genuine conversations if you started calling me Rei?"

"We already have those,” Todoroki pointed out.

"We do," I agreed. "I never asked you to call me that because you just didn’t seem like the type to use it, but the more we got to know each other, the more I realized you never needed that crutch in the first place.”

"Do you always have to talk in metaphors?" Todoroki asked, shaking his head when I frowned. "Let me rephrase that. What do you want me to call you?"

"That was a totally different question."

"That wasn't an answer."

"I don't talk in metaphors all the time," I mumbled. "And didn't you just say it wouldn't change how we talk to each other? If it's any consolation—"

I wavered a bit, tempted to stall, but Todoroki was waiting, and I wanted to be honest.

"I like the way things are now."

My parents taught me at a young age not to criticize people for things they couldn't change about themselves. I'd like to believe I held that standard to this day, but I came to realize that I never really applied that wisdom to myself. All I could think about was how Momo was smarter than me, Ochako was kinder than me, each of the girls in our class more interesting than me in some way. I didn't want to have those thoughts about people I treasured so much as friends. More than that, I didn't want to think that about myself.

That was precisely why I couldn't entertain the thought of being in a relationship. I'd be stuck comparing myself to other people, even comparing myself to Todoroki, and I'd feel so beneath them all that I'd lose any motivation to do better and be better. As much as I disliked the bits and pieces of me that had been influenced by bouts of depression and anxiety, or perhaps especially because of it, I didn't want to be sad forever. First and foremost, I wanted to be happy with myself.

But—

Todoroki looked up at the ceiling in thought, and then nodded firmly, resolutely.

"Me, too."

—the sharper end of this double-edged sword was that Todoroki had a way of making me happier than I'd been in a long time.

"I'm going to change the subject now," I said, ignoring the sudden warmth unfurling beneath my skin. "Thanks again for what you guys did the other day."

"You started out not being able to say thank you at all," Todoroki said, smiling a bit. "And now you can't seem to stop saying it."

I stared at him straight-faced. "I am a very grateful person."

"I believe that.”

"But?"

"What makes you think there's a 'but'?"

"I've learned a lot here," I said, motioning to the walls around me. I counted plenty of times over the course of the semester when Yūei felt more like home than my actual house. "But until a couple of months ago, I didn't feel like ever going to school."

"Most people wouldn't be so opposed to attending one of the top academies in the world.”

"Would it be cliché to say you wouldn't understand?"

"Yes."

"Well, that's that."

"You can always explain it."

"I've come to realize that words very rarely do justice to emotions."

"You don't think I feel the same," Todoroki guessed, nodding in comprehension more so to himself. The double entendre to his statement made me chuckle a bit. "How would you attempt to convey your feelings to someone without using words?"

The two of us stopped in front of the Class 1-A doors. Todoroki stared at me expectantly like I had the answer to a question he couldn't seem to grasp, but I needed to think about it myself. Everyone had a different love language. Words of affirmation was one of them, but there was also receiving gifts, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch.

"I wonder," I murmured.

I looked at Todoroki and couldn’t help but think this was one of those questions we didn’t need answered. I saw the ocean and the stars in his eyes, and that didn’t fall into any particular category, but it still felt like I—

〰️

"Why are you telling me this?"

"You needed to hear it."

"Hear what?"

A surge of panic struck me when seconds passed and I had yet to receive a reply. I was afraid that he stood and left, but then he exhaled as if to remind me that he was still there, and the next thing that hit me was relief and the sudden realization that I was thankful to sit here with him.

"You've worked hard and done well,” Todoroki said. “If it’s what you want, Higuchi, you can rest for a while.”

〰️

"Here," Todoroki said, holding out a closed fist.

"What?"

"Take it."

His fingers ghosted mine as I felt him drop something into my palm, and like a broken clock, I marveled at the warmth, and then at the object he gave me, blinking rapidly in genuine surprise.

"I asked Yaoyorozu to make one earlier," Todoroki said, shrugging. "Thought it would help you get into character."

The warmth I felt no longer came from a tangible source. Heat dispersed beneath the expanse of my skin, an unfamiliar yet not unpleasant light flickering in my chest. I clutched the elastic band, a vibrant violet that dazzled beneath the sun, and breathed out a real laugh.

〰️

"This sucks," Ochako said, her lips curling into a pout. "I hope we can sit together again, Rei."

"Is it really such a big deal?" Todoroki asked, brows furrowed. "It's not like we're switching classes or anything."

Ochako turned to him, her expression looking impressively reminiscent of a kicked puppy. "You're not going to miss her, Todoroki-kun?"

I nudged his side, distinctly aware of Ashido and Kaminari listening in on our conversation from a few feet away. Todoroki blinked at me and then looked back at Ochako, shrugging his shoulders as his lips quirked the slightest bit.

"I'll sit with her at lunch," Todoroki said, glancing at me again from the corner of his turquoise eye. "Right?"

〰️

Todoroki held out his left hand, his palm facing the ceiling. I stared at it for a second, and then two, and then three.

"Well?"

"'Well,' what?"

"You're cold," Todoroki said.

"A little," I said, unable to tear my eyes away from his trembling fingers. "Are you sure?"

As much as I wanted to take this chance to understand him a little more, I didn't want him to feel like he had some kind of obligation to let me in. His eyes looked stormier than ever, and I knew right away that no, he wasn't, but something about this moment made him want to share the weight on his shoulders despite that.

"Yes," Todoroki said, his tone final. "Are you?"

[majowatarot]

Wanted to ask for a tarot reading about my work/relationship with Aratron in comparison to other Olympic spirits, any insight, advice on how to have amenable relationship with him and my future workings with Olympic spirits as a whole. The reading is up to you, it can be public if you want it to be public or can be private.

Hello! Sorry for the long wait on this reading. I fell into an adhd trap of executive dysfunction and i only pushed through rn. Its funny that you are currently working with aratron since saturn has been heavy in my conscience lately due to that very executive dysfunction

But for the actual reading: i decided to lay a seperate pile for your connection with other olympian spirits and for aratron specifically.

Surprisingly the one with aratron seems to be doing a bit better than others. For aratron the leading card is the Four of pentacles and though its reversed it seems that a stable foundation is slowly being built (or had been built) it may be a bit unsure still since its a reversal but I would describe this as growing pains, or time of getting comfortable with each other. Though I wonder if the way your connection works is not through destabilizing you a bit in the material world? Shaking you up a bit, having you question your connection with your comfort zone, the things you hold onto etc etc. Overall whatever is happening seems to be very fruitful as I got both the empress and the queen of wands. I can very much see you getting more powerful both magically and in your material word because of this. I think you have a lot of entusiasm and energy to make this work properly so it seems surprisingly lovely.

When it comes to the other spirits Im getting the Five of Swords and Eight of Swords reversed. Pretty tricky interpretation so feel free to come back around and let me know how you resonate with this. The way I would interpret it is that the connection with other spirits is not as strong. And you may have to watch out for more destabilizing forces. Im not sure what exactly is happening but I can see you “burning yourself” on accident if you are not careful. Your connection with the olympic spirits overall might require very “proper” way of going about things. Im getting the magician as a clarifier and the temperance is at the bottom of the deck so make sure you dont rush the process over here. Make sure to prepare super well for future interactions and that you follow the rules of whatever paradigm you practice magic in. Im not trying to scare you though of course, its just advice.

I also wanted to go in depth on your and aratron’s connection so I pulled two cards for each of you. Your cards are the Fool reversed and Death reversed. Very interesting energy for sure. Whatever is happening the connection can trigger some pretty huge transformation for you. I wonder if you are ready? We both know you are not a fool but I feel like you may be holding onto something that should die, before new birth can take place. You may want something new to show up before you let something old die, but unfortunately thats just not the cycle of life. Aratrons energy is the Seven of Cups reversed as well as Four of Pentacles Reversed once again. Very much a topic of limitation and limits your options/vision. If you are currently trying to manifest something rhrough working with him it may be blocked off from you for a period before you go through the lesson you are meant to integrate.

I also decided to pull some advice for you. Queen of pentacles, Ten of Swords reversed and Five of Pentacles. This is a very material and non magical advice I feel like, but it can definitely be also applied to your practice. Overall what Im getting is: focus on stability and abundance. A painful end may lead you to be in a difficult material situation for a time so do your best to set up safety foundations for yourself.

I hope this is helpful and please let me know what resonated and what didnt! If you have any of your own interpretations Im also curious about them!

~~~

Free magical readings are currently open. Read the pinned post for rules ✨✨

[iremiari]

anyway, time to ramble abt life and stuff

Remi Rambles 1: Responsibility and Diligence - The Difficulty of it All

does anyone else know that one meme where there's a teacher in a music theory class captioned "come on it's not rocket science" and then on the bottom image it's a teacher in a rocket science class going "come on it's not music theory" like i get it's supposed to be a joke but it just makes me think about how subjective we determine the difficulty of something.

like yeah thats a given, but if you really think about it, it's really cool, and weird. because two ppl from completely different backgrounds can also find this one thing easy but someone else finds it difficult and it just blows my mind. and i find it interesting to observe this in the way people practice morals.

i feel like the only reason i find it interesting is because so many people that i know are responsible and actually do their requirements for school, studying for exams and quizzes, yk everything, but i find it so difficult to do that for whatever reason. call it the burned out gifted kid effect but i do know how to study i just dont. do it often. bc i assume everything will be alright and did not actually experience the consequences of my laziness, and i still dont.

yeah im doing average in school and i could get better grades and i want to do that, but at the same time, why should i? where do these people find the motivation to do good in school? they say it's out of necessity or urgency because if they dont then they'll get punished but i feel like?? that's the way to more burnout??? and i dont really ever get punished for low grades so i cant use that as motivation.

someone once said, that responsibility is the standard to which we do what is expected of us, and going the extra mile just means you know very well what is asked of you so you do it well. like say, and i apologize for the odd analogy, if someone asks a banana from you: giving them the banana is you being responsible, but peeling the banana for them means you know that they're hungry so you're being extra responsible. they explained it better than i did but you get the general gist, right?

so, i guess the question i need to ask is: "what is expected of me as a student?" because i get good-average grades, but most people would call me lazy and would not entrust any major assessments from me (but i guess that's just because i submit things late). but in the rare occasions that i do submit on time, most people would still call me "smart but lazy" and. i dont know. it's just odd because most people would definitely not call me a particularly responsible student even if i submitted early.

and ive thought of it, and even if i got better grades, they would not call me a particularly responsible student. so, once again, that leads us to the question: "what is the responsibility of (or standards for) a student?"

it's not to get good grades, because i do that, i still learn but people would just call me attentive instead of responsible. and maybe it's to show due diligence in my studies?

because when you think about it, most people would call someone who follows their schedule and exceeds expectations as "responsible" because they go the extra mile in their responsibility as a student. but maybe diligence is the key so that i can get people off my back..?

diligence is a thing that i find... scary to apply in my studies. because then it'll be really hard to find that work-life balance since i tend to get carried away in my pursuits, and once again, burnout.

i guess what i can try to do is think that my schedule is for the whole year to make sure that im not too engrossed in it and allow some more room for fun.

yeah, maybe i'll do this actually. im posting this for archiving reasons and for future me to read again. future remi, if you're reading this follow through w your damn plans mf. and remember to be urself <3

and for the poor unsuspecting stranger reading this, im sorry and i hoped this helped ! if it didnt then welp, tough luck.

[the-firebird69]

This guy Trump is telling people he'll be a dictator he's not going to debates people are paying attention lately that he's a scofflaw and doesn't want to have any discussion about stuff and that he just wants his way and they don't want him in office and I read it today in several news articles they're trying to push those people out I gotta call this morning shortly after my son posted that and it's true they said we're on fire we need assistance and we want this guy outta here and they started to say right now and stuff like that and I said we have to do this And we are continuing our efforts but we are going to start applying a lot more force on this trader donald Trump and we're going to remove him from all his positions of power and especially in DC it's required and my grandson said I should have done it earlier but see the problem was he was really big so it's the right thing to do but usually political opponents are removed after someone gets in so it's not to paralyze their efforts and to help the nation and it did paralyze us a lot and he is responsible for it and he tries to make it look like I did it and Camilla the people are aware that they're trying to dislodge him and it's still very difficult with that said We are going to start an aggressive program to remove that piece of crap and we are employing BJA on occasion and is big and he took over the role of his CIA's position and that was John Remelard took over William Burns spot for a few days and the CIA of BJA is kicking him out. And it's going through other agencies thankfully this guy is vermin he's a street person and a bum and he does not belong in office at all. He's wearing a burlap sack when he goes to Monaco and my grandson had him make a clothing line with it for people who are poor and come up with a way to make sacks into clothing. Can see people wearing it all over the place it costs practically nothing and there's tons and tons of it and the idiots wearing it himself and it's because he's stupid and he's trying to say he's poor while he's driving expensive vehicles that nobody can get and he's getting beat up it shows that he's very dumb and very arrogant and he's using whatever he has left to look like he's somebody. He's really not he's a traitor to our kind and to our people and to the country we don't need him. Those people say they don't need him and they don't need him too much but they're using him and it's much worse than what people think and it just kind of rolls on.

biden

we hear it and are on duty working claling now he has to go

kamilla

we needed this are at it. will follow it now ok

bja

good

biden

we follow this too he threatens our friend afteer this we need him out of the apartment and both of them sam and dave now.

mac daddy

the erings are full of psuedo empire and the mac morlock tons of trumps attack and fail. will die here. thier leadership is down and to about 20 percent no but low at about 50% and due to this fight. as is bja at 60% and falling. last night they lost morehoouseholds about three. and are down to 94 and true too. they try to fudge all numbers. regardless. we are angry at them already now they are pissing us off and we hit. they missed all three vollys totally harmless showered themeselves wiht radiation and die. are not real mutants no. it is not a huge number but they lose a few 100th of a percent globally from it an hour and they disrupt tons of stuff and are zombies soon dont heal or treat it. and soon out.

further they aregoing at the caverns today and with force tons of it and macs and will shrink today tnight badly. shortly. tons will die due to our sons anouncements.

and our. are at burningman shortly. we take the clay there. and tons say why what for. well it glues the large shps together. does too yes.

and they are large not the mega ships. each abou 100 miles as we carved the mega ships.

Thor Freya

and yeh there is a bunch ofnspice there at the Celestial and you would be big fast dan and sam use it ok

Hera

Olympus

[iridescentblood]

Breathless

Here I am again sad blog. Wow oh fucking wow it's truly been a minute now. Would you believe we made it to 2024? You couldn't convince me at 16 I'd live to be 26. I was damn sure I'd be dead by now, and if I'm being honest with myself I think I am. I didn't even read my last post before starting this because I think the pain of the title might sting just a little too much, it's probably exactly why I'm here tonight typing on this stupid box. Wide awake, breaking into smaller pieces, with a pain that feels deeper then any cut I've ever managed to slice into my own skin..but no this time the cut came from a person I actually loved- that I do love still, right now. After everything. After I really fucking thought this time I had the real thing. The kind of love some people dont even get lucky enough to feel in their lifetime. I thought I was safe, that for once in my stupid existence there was going to be another person by my side through this shithole life to the end. I guess I had some false sense of security, like I was just one of the lucky ones. I trusted this man could fix his mistakes, rise above our hardships, the things that life threw at us, because I thought that as long as we were together, nothing was unachievable. But the hard truth is that once something is broken, it can't ever quite be the same as it was before. Maybe the love was real, but I've grown enough now to realize there's so much more to a successful partnership than that alone. The love of my life simply can't be the man I need him to be to live this life with me. I should be sleeping because tomorrow I'll find out if I'm pregnant or not. Il have to make a decision about having an abortion or keeping a baby with a man I'm no longer with. I'm supposed to be ok with all this somehow, not break down because I'm starting a new job that requires me to be at my best- the top dispensary in Thousand Oaks, more money, more opportunities await me. Why is it so badly then that at the end of each night when I drive home I'm fighting every second to not drive off a bridge? I guess I'm not strong enough. I'm going to make all new friends they say, I can work on myself and do me, explore my passions again, find out who Ally really is all on her own. But you know what? I'm pretty sure I know who Ally is when she's all alone and I'm fucking terrified. I spent more time sitting completely by myself as a child than anyone I've ever known, and I remember her well. Is there something wrong with me? That I'd rather be with a man that has broke me more then a I've ever fucking thought imaginable then be all alone? I want to believe that I can stay strong and move forward with my own life, but I can't erase the pictures I already had in my head with him in them. I wish I could burn them, stop feeling, burn my whole fucking body so there's not an ounce left that Nick touched. Then maybe, just maybe I could breathe again. Right now I'm slowly dying every night and I'm not sure how many breaths I have left.

[sergeifyodorov]

a tag game.... tagged by so many ppl genuinely i just remembered it now

the thing that got you hooked on hockey

tbh it was kind of a slow burn? like i can't name one thing as Getting Me Hooked i just . started watching and then got to liking it. maybe the start of am34's hart year

your first ever fandom friend

taylor!!!!! :) hi @donttelltheelff

the jersey you would like to own

thank GOD i dont have Money because i would be spending otherworldly amounts. i think my real white whale is a ussr tretiak jersey (1972 summit series edition) but i want (ofc) a home whites fedorov 91 sewww bad. probably would also dish out money for a yotes jersey bc they're so nice. probably travis dermott lmao. or a quinntaincy skate jersey... Many Such Options

YOUR player (you only get ONE so choose wisely)

HARD QUESTION. going to have to go with my usernamesake Miss Diva Queen Sergei Fedorov Herself. after all of that...

a pairing that deserves more fic

many pairings, but a) stamkos/hedman and b) fics within the yzerman/shanahan/fedorov trifecta. also fuck it larionov/fetisov while we're here

your favourite on-ice moment

single moment = jt's curse-breaking goal (the toronto one)

accumulation of moments = either amatts' 50-in-50 or both tampa series combined

link someone else's fic or art that you love and think everyone should check out

many such cases also but going to go with a) kia @saviorified 's art. truly modern iconography to its fullest extent, b) this particular theundiagnosable 1634 fic safe as houses which really just chews you up and spits you out, and . c). The Winners' Room Legal Document . which as far as i'm concerned is Required Reading in this world that we live in

link something that you made and are proud of and want people to see

look at my atlantic division poster, scf 2023 card, and robertson brothers boy

tags

tagging uhhh @lifeofpriya and @shoot-the-puck (ik you've already been tagged but :D) @saviorified @spiceberrie @acheronist @whitenikes and anyone else who just wants to!!

Talk Hockey To Me

Tagged by @david-reinbacher - thank you Alek!!

1. The thing that got you hooked on hockey

So I was kind of assimilated into the hockey world through Blue Jays moots (ty <3), and it was a slow progression for me to 1) start watching 2) pick teams I liked and 3) regularly watch. BUT what really made me be like holy fuck was the final game for the Habs in the 2021/2022 season where they had 10 goals and Cole got his first hattie and people chanted Guy's name. That was insane and just gave me chills the entire time.

2. Your first ever fandom friend

Like I said, I was assimilated through Blue Jays moots, so all of them!! But probably specifically @donttelltheelff <3

3. The jersey you would most like to own

I'd love any jersey tbh. They're so expensive and I have none - so any for my favourite players would be great.

4. YOUR player (you only get ONE so choose wisely)

Jimmy Stu. James. Timmy. The wettest rag in the league. My beloved floppy piece of bread.

5. A pairing that deserves more fic

There are a lot in my humble opinion. Juraj Slafkovsky/Arber Xhekaj, Cole Caufield/Nick Suzuki, Thomas Chabot/Josh Norris (though Jeh and I have been going a lil crazy with them lately...), Quinn Hughes/Josh Norris.

6. Your favourite on-ice moment

When G got his 1000th career point and the entire Sens bench went onto the ice to hug him mid game!!!!!! Vibes per 60 were through the roof!

THEN

link someone else's art/fic/etc that you love & think everyone should check out

Anything @canadian-as-puck writes for Chabs and Josh! These fics keep me sane.

AND

link something you made & are proud of & want people to see

Honestly 99% of the fics I've written the last sixish months have been ones I'm really proud of and loved writing and rereading. But here are my top 5:

Intoxicated: Tim Stutzle/Brady Tkachuk; silly fic where Timmy's high and drunk and can only speak German

Don't break the dam or you might drown in the current: Tim Stutzle/Brady Tkachuk; my longest single chapter fic in which the weight of being the Sens captain finally gets to Brady

You don't go to parties anymore: Thomas Chabot/Josh Norris; Josh stops going to Thomas's house parties and Thomas is desperate to know why

Desperate times call for desperate measures: Tim Stutzle/Brady Tkachuk; Brady's an idiot and has to win Timmy back after not realizing they were dating

Do's and Don't's: Tim Stutzle/Brady Tkachuk and Thomas Chabot/Josh Norris; G is sick of their pda

Tagging @donttelltheelff @canadian-as-puck @gordiemeow @graves-makar @may-the-puck-be-with-you @kylesdubas @lam-ila - no pressure + sorry if you don't wanna do it!!

[godcantstopme]

nobody asked but im gonna let you guys in on a little thing i recently learned that blew my mind:

every single thing thats existence isnt based in the physical world is completely imaginary. corporations? gender? the united states of america? every single one of those things is based upon human mythology and none of them are real outside of our own collective imagination!!!

another fun fact for you before i get back to that last one: these social constructs are at the core of what makes us so different from other animals!

see, the reason that homo sapiens are so complex when compared to other animals is that we have the unique ability to make wild shit up. no other species can create myths or tell stories like we do. other animals can lie and communicate, sure, but they cannot converse about anything that's not based in physical reality. a monkey is able to lie and say that there's a lion around so that it can steal another monkey's food, but is simply unable to tell the other monkey that there's a fruit spirit who will to strike it down if it doesn't share the food. this is because animals aren't able to conceptualize things outside of their physical world. all aspects of their social structure and behavior are based upon their genetic makeup, and these things can only change when their dna does.

humans, on the other hand, have creative abilities that are simply nonexistent in any other species. we can create entire stories about things that have no physical existence. an obvious example of this is any kind of cultural mythology such as the stories of nature spirits, divine entities, or various ideas of an afterlife. but the thing is that all kinds of non-religious entities, such as corporations or countries, are just as mythological.

this post ended up being longer than expected so i put a 'read more' option in lmao- but this is a really cool concept so id encourage you to read through the whole thing!! (there's also a tldr at the end of the post under the cut fyi)

the company Target is a great example of this. you may want to stop me right there and tell me that target obviously isnt a myth of any kind. you can find its stores all over the world, and talk to millions of people who interact with it every day. but let me ask you this: if every target location worldwide was burned down, would the company still exist? of course it would. they would simply build new stores and continue on as usual. similarly, if the hundreds of thousands of people who work for target all vanished off the face of the earth, the company would still exist. the death of the ceo would not equate to the death of the company- the ownership would simply be passed on to someone else, and target would remain in existence. no matter how many of the physical components of target are destroyed, it continues to exist. this is because its existence of corporations isnt dependent on anything physical. they are simply products of complex legal storytelling. every single company's existence began when a lawyer performed all the required rituals, did the necessary spells, and declared it to be real. once this ceremony is complete, every single legal system, politician, and person acts as if something tangible has been changed and that this entity truly exists. and for all intents and purposes, it does. it can only cease to exist if a judge should perform all of the rites and rituals that are required to banish it from existence.

now, how the hell do we differentiate things that "really" exist from things that are just a product of our collective imagination?? you really just have to ask one question- would it still exist if people stopped believing in it?

you see, the legal system only exists as long as a significant amount of people believe in it, along with other myths such as the power of the government, justice, and human rights. without those beliefs, it would crumble. the country of the United States of America exists because people worldwide believe that it does and act accordingly, but gravity and genetics existed long before we were ever consciously aware of them. gravity didn't suddenly pop into existence when Newton's theory of gravity was published in 1687. this is why anything that depends on human belief in order to exist is, essentially, fictional.

but just because these things are a figment of our imagination doesn't mean that they dont matter. human myths are what work together to form our society, whether positively or negatively. myths such as human rights, the legal authority of elected officials, and the importance of empathy are what nearly everything around us is based off of. they are are infinitely important and absolutely exist, just not outside of the human mind.

had we never developed the ability to create myths, we would've remained as other human species did for millions of years and how all other animal species continue to exist today- living in small groups with our worlds consisting only of our physical reality. our ability to create stories and, consequentially, to bond/establish trust with humans outside of our known "tribes" has allowed us to also create mass systems and rules that dictate behavior. this is precisely what makes us so unique. creation and imagination are at the core of humanity.

(plus, when you think about it, the fact that we were able to make up such complex and incredible stuff is really fucking cool)

tldr: if something wouldn't exist without a significant amount of people believing in it, then its a social construct. our ability to create these social constructs through imagination and storytelling is what has enabled us to live so differently from other animals, and this creativity is at the core of everything that makes us so uniquely human!!

note: the majority of the information, concepts, and ideas within this post originate from pages 25-39 of Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari, which discusses the anthropological history of humans. i just wanted to share it because it's so fascinating to me and it altered my entire understanding of reality!!

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review , ch 111

sigh~~~ I feel that my recent posts are a bit negative towards the anime, but thats cuz the chapters I’ve read so far are either unbelievably important character depth content cut for no valid reason or content in the anime but packed with million other things that it lost its purpose or importance. Basically tohu’s ep 6 which consists of 4 chapters & now ep 5 which is a momiji ep & yup, packed with 4 chapters as well... so, I apologize for any negativity, my intention is just analyzing artistic & story-telling aspects, I love se03, but yeah it screwed up lots of important characters due to its not so thorough plot decisions & harmful character insight choices.

today.. we explore Momiji... but only before his curse breaks.

Furuba anime struggling to know how to design an episode based on various plot-heavy chapters?

so, they decided 13 eps, & decided one ep for momiji cuz motoko’s graduation & the fanclub is the core of the furuba & have already cut tons of tohru, cuz who cares? she’s kind. be like her. end of lesson. No. really, jokes aside, how to do this?

How to combine several chapters in one ep? collect small snippets from chosen chapters/content like a bee does flowers? you gotta skip some content, you gotta highlight others. The ep is only 20 min after all & you got an op & Ed that you cant always skip.... so.. furuba team decide that momoji’s ep should be true to his zodiac animal, this is the rabbits last appearance in spirit. so, they went with quick hopping from one chapter to the other like a rabbit?

No really, ep 5 is really like a rabbit in its flow, you can’t savior a moment enough before jumping to the other: we learned momiji grew up!! loves toheu romantically, challenged kyo, really meant it, wanted a fair love game, got freed, lost tohru romantically & faced momiji! but that’s not all? we still have space!! quick add akito’s moodiness & love triangle with her dog & her submissive bed partner, add a happy comedy for no reason whatever & make shigue kiss tohru & wish shes 'was his lover instead!!!!!!!!! Mind you all this happened in the anime before shigure hurt tohru with his “the truth of the zodiacs talk & them accepting & feeling consolance that kyo is doomed”talk. 

-Gets whats my biggest surprise after reading this chapter ?????????

Shigure is consistent!! He isnt a rabbit hopping here & there. The dog is loyal & is tired for good reason! Him being depressed & his weird talk with thoru makes so much sense given the manga’s order.

Kyo is consistent!! In the anime, momiji surprise him with confession he loves tohru & challenge him, then kyo la~la~la~joins them downstairs for curry. Not a single expression on his face, where is the expression? it will appear when the plot is forced to address it: by the end of the ep when momiji face hin again. Then we get kyo’s reaction.

I need someone to tell the anime that actions require a reaction. You can refrain from showing a certain reaction if you can’t address it now, but you can’t erase it, negate it, then make it appear when have to!!!! couldn’t they make kyo refuse to join them & eat together? the     other characters wont be surprised they think he’s needlessly moody. The audience will know that kyo is troubled with momiji’s challenged & it will excite them!!! having kyo just go eat & watch the momiji/hiro/haru/yuki comedy skit is weird.

The manga’s author wanted kyo to join the dinner, like the anime did. but huge difference. the author actually cares for logic reaction & understands that the audience aren’t dumb little kids that will sit & wait for kyo’s turn to...react! nope! she did this: (a) & (b) below.

-Lost Small Bits/ Panels from the chapter.. But Sadly Big Huge Chunks for Characters buildup & Growth:

(a) addressed the fact the hiro noticed kyoru is in love & dressed that shigure was right!! the cat being in love is a weird concept to the zodiacs! hiro reacted naturally & the author used hiro to flesh yuki’s (the rat), momiji’s (the rabbit) & haru’s (the cow) decision to silently watch the kyo (the cat) makes his own decisions to live!!! They won’t interfere or tell akito or remind him of his state as the doomed caged cat. So sad this moment is cut from yuki. Why must yuki only interact with kyo to beat him (all seasons)? why must yuki only think of kyo to envy him (all seasons) ? Here, yuki’s growth towards kyo as a person & his relationship with tohru is 1000 times better than all tohru is my mom’s sh!t & I envy kyo’s Sh!t we saw in the anime over & over till we memorized it.

(b) kyo didnt just go la~la~eat with momiji after knowing he loves tohru. Nope, there’s small bits missing: called logical emotional reaction. He was surprised he’s caught pining over tohru! cuz yuki, the audience representative, has told us in the previous chapter that ppl in love dont notice anything around them. Kyo thinks him being cold hid his feelings. the dummy’s feelings are as bright as the sun in the Sahara, tohru too. a child read her! such small thing that wont take much space from the ep but was cut cuz kyo only needs to be responsive at the ep’s end. & this scene of kyo & tohru looking awkwardly at each other is minor in space but so important cuz kyo is determined to let go but his decision is challenged by not only momiji, but his natural attraction to tohru. Here he knows he’s caught & exposed... here he knows momiji is a better choice for tohru cuz he wont didn’t hurt her mom... here he knows that even yuki is better cuz never had to pretend to be cold to her... here he knows the world is better than him... & here he just cant help by smile & walks towards her... T_T ... another lesson in writing slow burns by Takaya-san.

-Why would the anime team pass on this?? drawing kyoru closer after the epic tear in Cinderella ep, cuz they want empty suspense~! The anime team thinks that if kyo & tohru stand next to each other, then it means all their issues are solved & the audience are so stupid as to forget tohru’s mom, kyo’s imprisonment, kyo not confessing his sins to tohru & tohru’s need to make a choice wether to fogive hom or not.. nope! you see, they think, ppl who read mangas are smart, so the author can give this epic symbolism & pp would still be not sure kyoru is end game & tohru will forgive him or kyo even fogive himself, but ppl who watch, oh no, gotta cut all the plot worthy content, produce a graduation song for a minor character, cut all kyo/tohru interaction cuz it only means romance & not at all character depth & oh if we show yuki actually formulating deep thoughts that aren’t centered around him, the audience might forget his se02 struggles! or that might ruin yuki’s upcoming growth moment in the finale where he .. you guessed it hits kyo.. as he always do & sulk &  think abt himself cuz yuki can only do monologues when he’s directly involved.... man~it is so sad how the anime is dumped down.. Who is the target audience again? not kids as young as hiro cuz even hiro is smart!

-just look:

 Momiji talks abt kyo shouldn't give up loving tohru & the authr shows this this ghost!!! his mom! The author reminds us that kyo isnt da~~~~ forgetting anything. He’s a deeply troubled soul & hos mom wants him locked cuz she too was locked in a cage & thinks that’s safer...why oh why you dump ur own story! sh!t~

Side Notes:

I like the closeups on Kisa’s face as she interacted with kyo. It’s very rare for kisa to have a world beside the endearing parental/big protective bro/big doting sister love she has with tohru & haru & off course the romantic love with hiro which was perhaps since their birth or sth. lol.  Kisa & kyo arent much on the brotherly side as they rarely interact, but its one of those  refreshing  interactions she has that helps cast a new light on her as tiny as it is,  but its sth out of the norm around her. She sees him  around tohru & gets to perceive his true unprovoked character. “He is  nice guy”.

I really wanted to punch kureno this chapter.. like Shigure is a jerk shitty dog for sleeping with akito’s mom but kureno... dude.. you submissively sleep with the guy’s eternal love interest & still walks in on him talking to her!!! lol. you’re mentally, emotionally & physically weaker than him & yet, she puts you on her bed, not him & you, tho not wanting her at all, dont walk away. No wonder shigure is defeated & wishing for someone like tohru, lol! Even if shigure met an older tohru-like person, it wont work. shigure deserve someone like him mean, schemer & loves playing power games. Tohru is someone who values honesty & commutation, not saying she’s an angel on earth, but tohru knows who suits her.. except fate is saying: NO. .... currently. lol.

I know kureno’s weakness is part of his character & I love that such characters exits. There are ppl ike that in real life. It’s just this chapter, I felt shigure’s frustration. XD

Yuki in this ep is the best yuki. no exaggeration here, I love when yuki is calmly thoughtful of others & here its kyo of all ppl !!!! cutting this scene is sad.. without it, kyo & yuki remain a cat & rat in the anime. Only ever thinking abt each other thro envious binoculars or hateful words or yuki giving kyo comedic hitting or life’s problem-solving hitting. Why can’t anime yuki be interactive outside his self-centered issues is beyond me.

Momiji & kyo’s interactions are always the best! whether comedy or drama.

I hated the curry cooking scene in the anime... so weirdly out of the ep’s flow.. very forced comedy... in the manga it had a purpose! not just quick add comedy cuz next shot momiji curse breaks & drama & we’ll close the ep with tears & sadness & glimpses of hope...

I love haru’s answer to hiro... so him.. “a guy can’t fall in love?”so chill.. so..simple.