#i joke abt the fainting couch a lot but i have anemia and vertigo & im a delicate lil fucker at times so
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finally convinced myself to apply for the Folx fund help since otherwise im just. not making enough to cover regular doc visits and T rn.
(more venting abt this stuff below the cut feel free to skip)
And as of tonight im out of the vial my housemate generously offered since ae is changing up T methods rn anyway (tho i did try to get out any leftover T from previous syringes in my sharps box into the current vial, in an attempt to save any i could, but it didn't work as well as i wanted it to unfortunately)
I don't want to detransition. I'm genuinely terrified of it bc even just my period returning these last months has sent me spiraling each time. I'm the happiest I've ever been since transitioning (despite any additional Life Horrors occurring alongside it) and i just. I don't want to go back. but I'm not going to rely on my friends and family to bankroll this too while i try and get back on my feet
im nervous to have applied and tbh don't anticipate getting it simply bc goodness knows there's a fuck ton of us in need of help like this, and im just one of many. but holy fucking shit a year of paid for care would make a huge difference. one less expense to weigh on me for at least a little bit, enough time to hopefully get into a better more consistently paying job so i could just afford the usual Folx membership as I would like to rn if it wasn't $89/mo (and even switch back to gel to have a break from the injections for a bit, but that's an extra $50, so nearly $150 for that which rn is Ouch and just not possible to give out monthly which makes me feel so pathetic and shit but i just. Don't have it at a consistent rate rn with the polling center job fuckery and my anxiety with the job)
I don't want to be taking help from someone who needs it more, but if they can spare a spot for me i would be in their debt for the rest of my life and beyond grateful
#text post#tw injections#to be safe#long post#also to be safe aksndkfn#god i just. i feel like i should just be able to make this money come from somewhere but i cant like i want to rn#and it's driving me mad bc i don't like not being able to pay my way and take care of myself but it's taking so much time#to get back on my feet without burning myself out again or otherwise fucking things up and i can't seem to make it go faster#ill ultimately be very happy for whoever gets a grant from them bc it's a wonderful program and im very grateful it exists#but i admit i will be happy at a level I dont think i fully understand yet if i were to get a notification that i was one of the ppl#to also get a grant for a year of care like#i joke abt the fainting couch a lot but i have anemia and vertigo & im a delicate lil fucker at times so#reading that might actually require something for me to sit down on before I'd fall down in very happy shock#im sorry yall im just . worrying but im gonna shush now lol
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