#or big-boobied sexy woman

[mingot-studios]

Also, can I say I HATE how Oda draws Bonney's true form?

Cuz she DOESN'T look 12 at all.

She looks like she's 5!

most 12-year-old girls have already hit puberty! I hit puberty when I was like, 9!

Like give her some breast buds and make her a bit taller, and I'll be more comfortable.

because with the way she looks, it makes all the fanservice of her adult even more gross, because her true form makes me think she is a literal toddler! 🤮

[eddiesxangel]

You and Eddie taking one of those romantic bubble baths together in a big jacuzzi and he shaves your pretty pussy for you

Tw: pregnancy

My brain went to reader being pregnant bc they can’t reach bc of their baby belly.

He would be so gentle, helping you into the water making sure you don’t slip and fall. He would put in the jets for you bc he knows your back has been aching from the weight of the baby. Once he also got in he would let you soak for a bit before hand and massage your feet and ankles. He would let you lean up against him and just hold you until you asked him to help shave out of the blue. It has been so long and it was getting long, longer than you liked, and Eddie’s seen everything anyways so why not?

“What no, baby I like your little bush” he smirks

“But that bush is not so little anymore it’s too long you won’t been be able to find my pussy in this jungle I’m growing.” You huff

“Baby you’re being ridiculous, let’s just enjoy the rest of this bath and we will go to bed and I’ll show you how good of an explorer I am.” Eddie laughed.

“Baby please! I don’t feel sexy anymore I just wanna have this one thing” you pout.

“Woah woah woah. Don’t feel sexy anymore? How is that even possible? You’re the sexiest woman I know. You have all the curves a man could dream of… especially now bc your boobies are getting bigger and your ass is getting bigger and knowing your growing our baby… fuck your are my superwoman”

You try and hide yourself in Eddie’s chest but he doesn’t let you. He knows you don’t take compliments very well.

“Look at me baby” you look up at his eyes. Yours were staring to water, the pregnancy hormones were really bad and you cried at everything now. “You really want me to do this for you?” Eddie countered.

“Please” you sniffled.

“Okay baby.” He kisses your head before stepping out of the tub to get your razor and shaving cream.

When he got back he plopped you up on the side of the tub so he could get a good angel to not cut you.

Once he was finished you were really aroused. Having Eddie stair at your pussy, and touching it was getting you worked up. Eddie could see how the blood had rushed to your pussy, making your lips fuller. And now with the hair gone he could see how swollen your clit had gotten and now wet you were. He couldn’t help but lean in and kiss you there but he couldn’t get a good angle because your baby got in the way.

“Come on mama, I gotta treat this pussy right after threatening her with a razor. Gotta show her how much I love her” Eddie pulled you into the bedroom and you had one of the best orgasms of your life

🤭

[moonstruckme]

hi! What about a fic if one of the Mauraders or TASM peter with a reader who's insecure about her big boobs? Like ik everyone thinks it's ideal but honestly sometimes it really sucks when shirts don't fit right or everything looks slutty or u can't go braless or alternatively a fic about their gf overhearing someone say they r an ass man but she has a small butt?

Thank you for requesting!

cw: insecurity around breast size

tasm!Peter Parker x fem!reader ♡ 1k words

You’re looking in the mirror, and you want to feel good about yourself. Really, everything looks the way it should. Your hair looks better than it would on an average day, that new eyeshadow thing you tried actually turned out nicely, and your dress fits the way it’s supposed to. 

Just, the way it’s supposed to fit doesn’t really seem right to you at the moment. 

“Peter,” you call in the direction of the bathroom, “if I ask you about something, can you promise to be honest with me?” 

You hear water splash in the shower, signaling your boyfriend is finally rinsing out his hair. In classic Peter fashion, he seems like he’s going to be late to his own banquet. Oscorp is having a formal event to recognize the achievements of their scientists this year. Peter’s done even more than most, and he’s expected to give a speech before the food comes out which you’ll be lucky to make at this rate. You were supposed to get ready together, but he’d spent the majority of the time flirting with you while you did your makeup in your pajamas. 

“Duh, I’m always honest,” he calls back. The shower shuts off. “That’s why they call me your friendly, honest, neighborhood spider-man.” A pause. You wonder if he can sense the dry look you’re sending his way. “Fine, but I’m always honest with you. Shoot, sweetheart.” 

“Okay.” You give yourself one final, disappointed look-over in the mirror before heading towards the bathroom door. “I’m serious, don’t sugarcoat anything, but do you think—” 

The door swings open, and Peter’s right in front of you, beads of water still visible on his torso and a towel wrapped around his waist. 

“—this is too slutty?” you finish, quieter, right as he blurts, “Oh my god.” 

Peter blinks. His head does a tiny shake, as if trying to rid himself of a dizzy spell. “What?” he asks. 

Probably not your best phrasing. “I just mean, is it too booby,” you try again. You have the urge to tuck your arms around your middle self-consciously, but you worry that would only make the boob predicament worse. 

“Baby.” Peter’s still looking at you like you’re speaking another language. “What?” 

You look down at your highly visible cleavage, then back up at him. “You know what I mean,” you say softly. 

“Okay, speaking from a strictly male standpoint,” Peter says, unabashed as his eyes dip to where yours just where, “I can’t condone the idea that there is such a thing as too booby. But even if I was, like, a ninety-five year old conservative woman, I couldn’t—I would still think you look beautiful.” 

Your heart balloons. It’s not a compliment you got much before you met Peter. Hot, sexy, sure, but not beautiful. 

“God.” The word slips from your boyfriend’s mouth so softly it almost sounds like a prayer. His hands find your waist, skimming down the satiny material of your dress to rest on your hips. “You’re amazing, sweetheart. Is that the eyeshadow trick you were talking about?” 

You nod, cheeks burning. “You watched me do it.” 

“It looks different with the dress on,” he agrees. “Fuck. Not to be corny, but you’re seriously taking my breath away. I can’t breathe right now.” 

A little laugh stutters out of you, and Peter smiles. He’s looking rather breathtaking himself, fresh-faced from the shower with a piece of damp hair still clinging to his forehead. You unstick it and comb it back in with the others already fluffed up after being toweled off. He smells like his shampoo. 

“Can I kiss you,” he asks, “or will I mess up your makeup?” 

“Be careful,” you warn, smiling as you lean in. 

He is, but his hands give away his hunger, bunching in the fabric at the base of your spine to get you closer. He makes a low, needy sound in the back of his throat, and for half a second you wonder if it’s for your benefit but then you remember that he was right earlier. Peter is always honest with you. 

You laugh when you pull away, going to get a bit of tissue paper to blot away the lipstick you’ve left on him. A glance in the bathroom mirror shows that yours is, thankfully, intact. 

“Are you sure this dress will be appropriate?” you ask, less insecure now but still nervous as you wipe at Peter’s upper lip. “Regardless of how much you like it, it’s still a formal thing and I don’t want to be…indecent.” You cringe. There’s no word that sounds nice. 

Your boyfriend’s brows furrow. His hands skim up your arms, and he looks like he’s about to reply when you fold the toilet paper and stick it between his lips. “Blot,” you murmur. 

He does. “Baby.” He squeezes your upper arms, a silent request for you to look up at his eyes. You find them soft and earnest. “There’s nothing inappropriate about what you’re wearing. It is a formal thing, and you’re wearing a formal dress. You look beautiful.” That word again. Your cheeks burn. Peter kisses one of them. “No one is going to have anything to say about how you look other than how beautiful you are,” he promises. 

You let the sincerity of his words seep into you, pooling like a warm drink in your belly. The inside of your lip finds its way between your teeth. Now you’re feeling bashful for other reasons. 

It’s obvious by Peter’s grin that he can tell. He gives your arms another squeeze before moving you out of the way and going to where his clothes are laid out on the bed. 

“Actually, that’s pretty convenient for me.” He discards the towel on the floor, slipping on a pair of boxers and then starting to button up his dress shirt. “You’ve just taken a whole bunch of pressure off my speech, sweetheart. No way anyone’s gonna be looking at me while I’m up there.”

[anniebass]

baby don't be mad

1.3k word actverse ficlet under the jump rating: M tags: dialogue-heavy, beginning of the relationship, the boys are arguinggg, old man eddie's being a clueless slut, and also a dweeb, and steve's being... a person that rly needs therapy lol

Rapid catchups, they name it, though it doesn’t really need a name, it’s basically just talking. Early on Eddie realizes he doesn’t know all that much about his sexy old-but-new long distance serious boyfriend, that he possesses a fuckton of outdated information, that, duh, people change, especially in the long-ass time they spent apart. That the habits and opinions of a twenty-year-old shithead don’t necessarily last until someone’s forties.

That evening, they do the rapid catchups, starting off easy, prompted by the takeout dinner they have at Steve’s: best Asian food, go, at which without a second thought Steve says Chinese, while Eddie goes with Japanese, love me some sushi, yum. Later, when they’re full of kung pao and mapo tofu, lazily digesting on the couch, half-watching an old movie where Sharon Stone saunters across the screen and smolders at bad men, Steve says: you have to sleep with a woman, any woman in the world, dead or alive, go.

Eddie groans and slides down the couch, throws his hands up: dude, I don’t know! Uh, like maybe— Cleopatra? Or maybe one of those amazonian greek warriors with one boobie?

So, no one you actually know the face of? he says, with a little smirk.

Man, I don’t— I mean, there are some beautiful women walking this earth, like stunning stunning women I can’t get enough of, but that don’t mean I want to fuck them! My willy shrinks at the thought, he explains meekly, and shrugs, clicking his tongue: I dunno, maybe Eartha Kitt? She seems very fun.

Good choice, mutters Steve, and to Eddie’s your turn he tilts his head, scratches his nose: I don’t know if that question really applies to me. But if I had to have a sex list, it would be… Linda Evangelista? Or Sharon, she’s hot. Or— yeah, Monica Belucci, Jesus. Her, definitely. If not her then Cleopatra, that’s actually a great answer, she must have been good for all that shit to go down around her, he says with a smile, and Eddie sighs dreamily, oh, I’d love to watch. From the closet, imagine myself in her place. In a little egyptian wig, he adds, to which Steve snorts, rolling his eyes.

Alright, my turn. Best casual sex you’ve ever had, go, says Eddie, and Steve hums at that, leans back on the couch, rubbing his chin, mumbling under his breath, until he sighs and says: I actually didn’t have that much of it beyond my teens, and what I had back then was very… teenaged, y’know. And in that short gap between my first and second wife I slept with just three people, two dudes and one woman, and neither of those was mind-blowing. The guys were kinda disappointing, I thought after so many years of straight sex I’d be blown away, but it was just… okay. Actually—, he adds, shaking his head: it sucked. I was drunk, they were drunk, I don’t remember much of it. Or don’t want to. I remember stinky balls. So, I dunno—, he says, and sighs, and glances at him: am I a big loser if I say the best one was when we reconnected? Could say it was still casual back then, right? When we fucked in the church, or by the pool, or—, yeah, there was a lot of it, on that trip.

It really was magical, agrees Eddie, smiling at him.

So, uh, your turn, says Steve. Best you've ever had, go.

Oh, man, mutters Eddie. I know my answer to that. Japan, in the mid-nineties. We were on tour and stayed for a few nights in Tokyo, and I got to explore the city, research shit with the help of a very discreet translator, and finally, on our last night there, I ended up in a gay bar. Very hush-hush, a basement place hidden away in some grimy back alley, he says, lowering his voice into sultry tones of gossip. Met a guy there, this… slightly chubby middle-aged businessman type, suit and tie and briefcase, wedding ring on his finger, very regular looking guy, and we drank sake through the night, sang some karaoke, and ended up in some seedy by-the-hour love hotel. He didn’t know who I was, didn’t speak a lick of English, I was obviously drunk, but I still remember that night like it was yesterday. God, just— the way that guy fucked me, the way he seemed to know every inch of my body without having seen it before, the way he just knew what I wanted without any language, it was insane. We did it a few times that one night, practically without stopping, and never saw each other again. I actually jerk off to that memory to this day.

To this, Steve lets out a small hm, purses his lips and leans back, crossing his arms, and Eddie clicks his tongue, leaning closer, touching his shoulder: aw, don’t be jealous. That was casual, but out of all people, of course you are my number one, no contest. I just— remember that one time in Japan, because it worked so well without language, and that’s always kinda hot. Language of love, all that cheesy stuff. Up to that point and following it, it'd mostly happen with some hot Brazilians.

Okay, he says.

Eddie sighs, watching his face: Steve, you know that’s what my life was like back then, this neverending barrage of hookups. And most of those weren’t even that good, like, you talk of stinky balls? I met dozens, slobbered over them anyway like they were fucking Ferrero Rocher!, he says to a small groan in return, then sighs, speaks softer: being with you is a completely different quality from that, even from my previous relationships. It’s way different. With Marcell, we both slept around, there wasn’t much that we had in common beyond, like, incredible attraction at the beginning, and the fact that we work in the same industry, could endlessly talk about that. And with Zu, we— we really loved each other, but we weren’t a good fit. It was this weird thing where she needed someone more masc, but also I needed someone more masc, he says with an amused scoff. We were two bottoms in love, and it’s hard to make it work in the long term, without fucking other people. We’re way better off as friends. And the other dudes I dated, it was just— me being a drunken asshole, most of the time. I was a very shitty boyfriend for a looong-ass time.

There’s a stretch of silence, and Steve slides down the couch, still frowning: man… I just wonder why you asked that question in the first place. Because it seems to me like you wanted to brag a little about this incredible hookup you had in fucking… Japan. Do you miss fucking other people, Eddie?

He sighs, rakes a hand through his hair: Steve, I literally just told you I don’t. I might romanticize it, the— the way I might romanticize being on drugs, but I don’t want to go back to that. I asked because I want to know everything about you! I dunno, I— I guess I like Japan. It’s such a weird place, I really want to go back there, he says and inches closer, placing a calm hand on his thigh: come with me. Like, for two weeks or something. We’d take the girls with us, go in the summer or for the spring break. Would be cool to just wander around, shop, sing karaoke, eat tons of good food. Go to Kyoto, see the geishas, tea ceremony. Go to hot springs. Japan’s truly like no place you’ve ever been to.

I didn't know you liked it that much. A trip does sound nice, says Steve, with a small smile. Emily would go crazy, she loves those cartoons. Chels would like it too, I think.

Eddie smiles and squeezes his leg: sounds like a plan. Also, just to— get it out of the way: from the moment you first kissed me, I stopped thinking of us as casual. I was, like, fully fully back in love with you in point two seconds. Even before that, to be honest. If I ever for a single moment considered that a hookup, it’d totally blow that businessman out of the water. If you want, I could show you, uh, how I blew him out of the— fucking—, he falters, then snorts: sorry, failed metaphor. But you catch my drift.

Yes, please, says Steve.

[bmbochangetales]

Whenever Genevieve was annoyed or fighting at her husband, she loved to yell the phrase “think again!” at him. They were at it again, arguing over whose responsibility is what I’m the house. They were raising their voices, and she was just about to say when Steve yelled at her.

“Think again Genevieve!” he snapped his finger at her. Her eyes widened from her own phrase used against her. She blinked a few times.

“OKAY I NEED TO CLEAN!” She was supposed to be angry. Was that what she was fighting for? It had to be. Well he could cook more.

“You need to cook more then!” She snapped, although her tone was less biting then moments previous.

“ Think again Genevieve!” He snapped in her face again. Her brain froze as it heard the command. Cooking and cleaning were her jobs. But they both worked a lot. But she was the woman so anything at home was he job. But he needed to help.

“Okay, but we both work so I need help!”

“You are too pretty to work. Think again Genni!” He snapped. Her brain blanked again. Genni loves to spend time looking pretty. Hair and make up were always a must. Cute outfits made her happy. She took too long to get ready so she had been fired from any job that would have her. It’s okay, being a housewife was fun and easy. But she needed a break sometimes for her hobbies like reading.

“Okay but when can I read?” She asked.

“You aren’t smart, only sexy, think again Genni!” He snapped. She blanked and as he eyes opened they seemed emptier. She was so silly. Pretty sexy goes like her don’t read.

“Okay but like, I need to like go to the gym and do like things to be hotter” she twirled her hair, thinking about how much fun she had being a dumb arm candy on Steve’s arm.

“Think again Big boobs Genni!” She was confused when she began feeling her chest get right and really hot. When she looked down her meager pair of breasts was quickly growing. She has always been small but now they were blowing up.

“These boobs are too big!” She tried to stuff them back in her shirt, to hide them. D cups. They were forcing her shirt lower around the neck and higher around the stomach. E cups pushing and bouncing out.

“You love huge Tits. Think again Genni!” He snapped. He had said the phrase wrong, the hypnotist was right. He had to be careful. He could have undone all his hard work.

“Oh god!” Boobies, Fat massive tiddies! Big fat fun bags. Steve needed her to have the biggest bouncy tits a ever.

“They aren’t nearly big enough!” Genni was trying to push them up and put them on display. When they stopped at JJ cups Genni had a weird feeling in her pussy. Like she wanted to orgasm but she couldn’t. Maybe they could have sex. She liked sex.

“So like, you’ll fuck Genni now?” She asked.

“Think again Gigi!” She went blank again, before she stripped naked. What was Gigi doing? She had fat cock sucking lips and she needed to suck Stevie’s perfect dick! He needed proper cock care before she moved on to her other duties. Edging while thinking about Steve and his cock while cooking and cleaning.

She licked up and down his cook like it was the best thing she had ever tasted before furiously sucking like she was starving. She let it pins into the back of her throat. After months of no sex, Steve wasn’t able to hold on long. He pulled out just in time to cover her face in his sticky cum.

“Don’t think again Gigi,” he snapped one final time. Gigi’s job was just to listen and obey Steve. Why would she need to think? Cock, cool, clean, cock.

Now Gigi is the perfect obedient wife, she doesn’t even need to be told to think again.

[chysalxsm]

Blue Lock men:Ass boobs or..?

ও rating. explict

ও summary. Do the Blue Lock men prefer ass, boobs or another part of the body?

ও Characters [aged up!]. Nagi seishiro, Reo Mikage, Isagi Yoichi, Rensuke Kunigami, Chigiri Hyoma, Gin Gagamaru, Barou Shoei, Itoshi Rin, Itoshi Sae and Ryusei Shido

Nagi Seishiro:

He just loves laying his head on your chest, it's so soft and plushy that it drives him off to sleep. His head is either snuggled up in your chest or his mouth is occupied with one of your nipples, sucking and biting on it lightly. It has become so bad with his obsession with your boobs that he can't even sleep without your chest in his hands or fondling your nips at night.

Reo Mikage:

Reo is a big fan of your boobs. He loves seeing you in pretty dresses where he can see a lot cleavage. You just look so beautiful in them. You'll always notice how his eyes start drifting down your chest if you're wearing a push up bra, it's his favorite, mostly if you're styling it with a tight turtleneck <3 worships them in the bed, more so if you're insecure about them. He doesn't understand why, cause they seem so perfect to him?

Isagi Yoichi:

It's canon that he's a thigh guy and tbh he seems also like that type of guy. He's just so obsessed with them. No matter their shape, if their thin and have a thigh gap or big and plushy, even muscular thighs make him weak. His hands are always on your thighs throughout the day, when you're in the kitchen, when you're watching TV together and when your pretty thighs are seated on his lap <3 he loves cowgirl position the most, because he can just grab on your thighs all the while you're humping his cock. Would go insane if you would show up with a skimpy skirt and thigh highs. His cock would be rock hard in no second and leaking pre already <3

Kunigami Rensuke:

Kunigami loves everything about you. He loves your boobs, ass, thighs and everything else. he's just a sweetheart <3 I think he's very much into body worship, cause no matter your size, if he loves you then he really does. If you want him to play with your chest, sure he doesn't mind. You want him to spank you, sure he would do anything for you. I think he would also be very much into thigh grinding. Grinding you down his muscular thighs with his hands on your ass and his mouth on your chest, leaving hickeys everywhere <3

Chigiri Hyoma:

Chigiri is a total ass guy. He doesn't matter if it's big or small he just loves ass. He loves it whenever you walk in front of him and wear your tight fitting jeans and he can just stare at it. He's a sucker for black lacy lingerie, so when you're wearing something like this around the house with just a shirt of his on, you can bet that he'll get behind you and drag you to your guys bedroom and devour you till he can't no more and you both are statisfied.

Gagamaru Gin:

Gagamaru loves your hands! He's so obsessed with them. He loves it when you hold hands and you intervine your small fingers with his long one's. He's a sucker for hand jobs. Gagamaru just loves watching your little hands try to jerk his big cock off, it makes him come way too fast to his liking. Also loves holding your wrists above your head with one of his hand and having his ways with you <3

Barou Shoei:

He loves thick woman with big booties, he just seems that type of guy. Doesn't mind the chubby thighs and tummy, as long as he can hit it from the back and watch it move like waves [I'm so sorry but I didn't wanna say recoil] makes him more than happy. Barou loves it when you walk around the house with super short shorts, it makes his cock swell hard in his boxers. If you ever act bratty, then he wouldn't mind spanking that ass of yours till it's imprinted with his hand print.

Itoshi Rin:

Big booby lover, I'm sorry but it's the way it is. He's just so into big boobs that he couldn't even imagine being with someone that has more ass than boobs. It gets him so turned on whenever he sees models with sexy or cute lingerie leaning down and showing their chest that almost slips out of the bras because it's too tight. He buys it instantly for you to try on and give him a show. Loves ripping your shirt and bras off after a long tiring and stressful day, he just wants to lay on your pillowy chest and fall asleep.

Itoshi Sae:

One word: ass. He loves the way your ass is shaped. Sae thinks it looks good in jeans, leggings, tight dresses but mostly when you wear nothing. He enjoys reversed cowgirl very much, because he has the perfect view of your back and ass. Can lay back and watch you move up and down on him while you make him feel so good with your tight cunt. He isn't even ashamed of grabbing your ass whenever a guy tries to flirt with you, you're his after all<3

Ryusei Shidou:

Man's nasty and very much into your boobs. Grabs them no matter where you are, he has no shame. Begs you to fuck your boobs, smears his pre everywhere, he doesn't care <3 Ryusei likes pinching your perky nipples through your loose shirt, but sometimes he grabs them "accidentally" to hard just to hear your yelps. Whenever he isn't coming inside of you, then it's always on your chest. He gets hard again instantly when he sees his cum dripping down your chest onto your nipples. Wouldn't even mind licking his come off your boobs to clean you up, that's how nasty he is <3

[fizzingwizard]

Randomly visited reddit and saw this:

My first thought: it's an incel pretending to be a woman, because what modern woman thinks she's spoiled milk a 30??? (Aside from also trashing her girl friends - girl, get better friends!) But their profile doesn't seem weird in any way, so, I guess there are some people out there who really somehow believe youth ends at 29. Even some who have aged past it.

It's not even true that all 30 year olds are less beautiful than they were at 20. People age in different ways at at different rates: yeah, your likelihood of getting wrinkles and gray hairs is only ever going to go up. But some people don't have their style figured out in their twenties - some people turn thirty and freaking bloom. And you can't call that a late bloomer. 40 isn't a late bloomer either! 20 is nice but it's not the heaven on earth it's cracked up to be, and 30 is just getting started.

Idk about the rest of you but you know those posts about how embarrassing it is to look back on 14? Yeah, related to those when I was 20. Now I've passed the big 3-0, and guess what - I think 20 year old me was so silly lol. So insecure, so afraid to make mistakes, so resistant to change. I enjoyed my twenties, but my early thirties have so far been way better: I'm more confident, less self-involved, and I find happiness so much more easily than I did back when I thought everything I did had to matter So Damn Much. And if you think that doesn't relate to being attractive: confidence is 90% of it. Just walk up and smile. A confident, happy person always attracts others even if they're just average-looking.

Also for people who like men, don't forget: men in their 30s usually aren't quite the energizer bunnies they were in their 20s when it comes to ~sexy times~ The 20-year-old stud who insisted he could go for a roll multiple times a day, every day, is probably much less gung ho at 30. And also more forward-thinking, and less amaaaaazed by omg boobies!!! When you're young, half the excitement is just how new everything is. It gets less intense, thank goodness. (But it's still hot!)

This post just totally rubbed me the wrong way. It read as a still young woman anxiously wringing her hands in apology for having the audacity to be single at... 30?? And apparently not trusting women to have good advice about dating at 30 (so no point in me responding to her, lol), but perfectly comfortable kissing up to incel mindsets such as "women past 25 should accept that they're sloppy seconds" etc. "Value as a partner" do you have intrinsic worth as a human being?? Yes??? Then your value does NOT degrade. Yeah, you might have gray hair, the horror, so unsexy (I've had very visible grays since I was 23 and been dyeing since 26 lmao). Doesn't mean you're less hot than some 20 year old who doesn't know what she's doing. Doesn't mean it'll be at all hard to find a partner who will love you warts and all. Do you have this same expectation of men? Are you gonna start dating a 30 year old dude and then complain that he gets tired more quickly than a 20 year old would?? Is he less sexy just because he doesn't party all night and drink twice his weight without effect? Overrated overrated overrated!

My parents divorced in their 60s. My mom's got a new boyfriend who takes her dancing under the full moon. They're living their best lives way past their so-called "prime" and no, that is not rare - it's just a choice. If you view yourself as having some expiration date, you're not gonna do anything to improve your happiness once you're past it. Don't let incels or misogyny or whatever convince you your perfectly wholesome milk has gone bad, because that is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

ETA: Well, while I was working this got 150 notes, and although that's barely a drop in the bucket, it's still a lot more than my rants usually get (about 2 lol). So I just want to clarify a couple things so I stop getting comments about them.

This post was from the askmen subreddit. I left that out, feeling "reddit" was context enough, but I guess the implications may not have been obvious, especially to tumblr users who don't also use reddit. Askmen isn't a horrible place (a number of the responders pointed out why they prefer older women to younger ones), but many of its members have a pretty incel-adjacent vibe. Plus there are a number of women (real or not) who post there, many of whom have a similar brown-nosey "unlike those radical feminists, I'm a woman who knows her place" attitude.

It's fine to suggest the OP may have internalized misogyny from being abused - but it's not a given, as nothing in the post is a definite indication of abuse by itself. Big kudos for the compassion - just keep in mind that my response was about general attitudes towards dating post-twenties and not about abuse victims.

To the person who thinks a relationship of six years makes a difference somehow?: You seem to have interpreted my post as an attack on people who feel insecure about returning to dating after a breakup. But I think it's clearly nothing to do with that. Of course it is natural to have anxieties about being single after so long, but nowhere in this post was that denied or mocked. Whether you've been together one year or six, this post would always be weird - those natural anxieties don't make misogynistic mindsets about decrepit 30-year-old women any less gross. If you had decided to write a reaction to the OP's post, perhaps you would have chosen to center it on the effects of coming off a long term relationship, and I'm sure it'd be insightful. However, I am not you, and I chose to react to the attitudes around aging in relationships reflected in the post.

[collegecuckcakev3]

Uhhhhh

Big saggy boobies from breast feeding. Still lactating.

They look nice in a bra.

They look sad without them.

Little chubby but not fat?

Decent/nice butt and hips.

Squirty pussy.

I think I’m a MILF. I mean I’m not some fit young woman like I once was, but I think people do find me sexy when I’m presented that way.

Short-ish like 5 feet.

White.

Long dark hair.

-AP

Do you ever roleplay as a cow?

[juice-plums]

Medic x reader: Examine

(smutty)

“Arms up”

the medic ordered Y/n she complies as the medic runs his gloved hands down her torso she giggles and he smiles the red base was quiet perfect time to get a daily check up

“okay nothing unusual vere now time for gynecologist appointment” Medic says Y/n nods starting to take off her shirt

“woah vere! vait till i’m out of the room” Medic says a flustered mess she giggles

“Medic I trust you no need to get nervous…unless you want to” she cheekily remarked his face getting redder He nods Y/n starts to get lower her pants her shoes already off Medic blushes seeing Y/n in her bra and panties

“very vell um lay down” he says she does so Medic gets up and hovers over her he starts to heavy breath but why is he feeling this way towards his woman coworker he’s always been respectful towards her but now it just feels weird as his hands were sweaty

“Swear Medic i’ve been feeling pressure around my breasts they’ve been so sore and tender i just..I had to come to you”

Medic’s face hot his hands going towards her bra touching her patted tits he fumes internally screaming feeling them she looks at his hands touching her boobies

“Here let me show you” her hands went behind her back to unclip her bra Medic loudly hums seeing Y/n take her bra off and putting it to the side he hesitates putting his hands on her bare tits

“Vere? right here?” he asks Y/n groans throwing her head back she nods it made her look sexy Medic hums

“vell no turned nipples…..I feel no lumps………” Medic continues to fondle with her breasts Y/n bit her lip looking at medic his face hungry with desire she gulps but starts to feel a weird sensation the more he messes with her boobs He quickly pinches her nipples before backing up

“okay they look good now time to check your vagina”

she felt her heart beat feeling his hands go to her panties and lowering them to the floor he spreads her legs she stares at him his eyes staring at her pussy he licks his lips spreading her pussy lips with his gloved fingers

she whimpers covering her mouth feeling a sweet sensation as he touches her bud oh mein god i want to devour this cunt so bad he thought her leg twitch he couldn’t help himself and went in and tasted her cunt his tongue flicking her bud making her jolt

“M-Medic?! oh!~” she bucks her hips he grabs her legs holding them as he slurps her pussy so much her eyes rolled back He grunts realizing what he was doing and immediately stops she whines looking at him

“oh Mein god vhat vas so unprofessional I-I am sorry” he frantically apologized his voices mumbles curses in German as he fixes his glasses she holds his head

“who…told…you…to stop?” She asks medic heats up and smiles evilly going in and went back to eating her out

she groans ruffling his hair he holds onto her legs completely covering his face buried into her pussy Y/n just could moan she shouldn’t be enjoying this but she couldn’t help herself she needed to cum badly Y/n was vocal Medic loved hearing her loud moans he loved how she tasted

“Ludwig!!~ oh I’m gonna-!” She hisses cumming he slurps her cum all of it she twitches as he does so Y/n whimpers now sensitive to his tongue Medic gets up and slips down his pants exposed himself to her

Y/n whimpers he so big Ludwig takes his glasses off she stares into his eyes “you’re so handsome” she whispers he laughs massaging his tip into her hole and he slips in slowly

she screeches her face scrunches from the pain Ludwig evilly laughs sliding in some more her walls clenching around his hard penis holding her legs open Y/n heart beats her body glistening and collided with his sweat

“God oh my God!!~~~” her words slurred being dicked down as he fully made it in balls deep Ludwig holds her body close her legs wrapped around his torso staring into her eyes he starts to thrusts slowly she holds his face

“I love you I love you I love you I love you” She says over and over Ludwig mechanically laughs making out with her pounding her gummy walls not letting them breathe or savor the feeling his balls pound onto her ass she turns her head embarrassed of her noisy mouth

he forcefully grabs her face making her look at him she kisses his hand slowly sucking his thumb

“look at you….vour’re so pathetic…I just wanna make vou all mine…..oh you clench so tightly around my cock……vould vou like vhat?….vould vou wanna be my little cock slave?”

Her tongue out like a dog brain dead from his cock he chuckles

“by the look on vour face….you-ah! would…”

“rearrange my guts….fill my womb….with your babies”

He french kisses her thrusting into her hole her vagina squelching she could bust any minute now Y/n now being louder her voice echoing through the examination room his grunts and groans mixed with hers sounding like animals

“Oh!!!!~ LUDWIG~~~” she screams creaming cum squirting out of her Medic grunts Pumping his load into her womb filling it with so much cum it leaks out of her

Medic pulls out and laid beside her their gasps and pants for air combined the room filled with hot steamy air Medic french kisses her his hands tangles in her messy sweaty hair

“I love you Ludwig” she whispers in his mouth Ludwig chuckles

“love you always”

[madamscream]

unrelated to obey me, but in fiction, a lot of the time the seven deadly sins are mostly embodiments of their sin with whatever in terms of design while lust might also be that but is disproportionately often a big booby sexy lady woman. and that's kinda tired, especially when they're supposed to be the personifications of the sin and they've always got her as more of a lure for it (not that big booby sexy ladies can't also be horny, but that Is Not Why That Character Is Like That and you know it, don't at me.) but given what a demon often is in mythology, i'm finding grand joy in the concept of lords of the deadly sins or whatever you wanna call them all as the most likely sort of people to tempt others to their sin. a conventionally attractive lady is def going to have the easiest time drawing lust, but like... wrath as a weedly little 'uhm actually' i told you so bastard man with a penchant for pranks (it's important that he looks fragile. it's important that he looks like anyone could break him if they tried.) gluttony as a down-home southern chef that's sugar sweet and makes the most delicious food and just keeps saying 'stay a little longer, honey, you're all skin and bones.' pride as a shy, fumbling little thing always an inch from crying who's very existence screams 'i need your help, you're so much better than me, please.' envy is beautiful, they have everything they could every want, everyone falls over themselves to help them with anything they so much as hint at wanting.

idk. i'm having fun.

[kangmoon27]

MINE TO FUCK, MINE TO RUINED | JJK

Pairing: Mafia Jungkook x babygirl Y/n

Summary: He's the boss and you have to do everything he says. Sugar daddyxbabygirl.

Staring at the mirror. Running down your hand to your hips up to your waist and caress your boobies. Following the shape of your body with the use of your hand.

Looking at your reflection as you caress your face. All you need is to be pretty and fuckable. Make ups make you feel confidence and hot. Yet your not wearing any as you knew it will be a waste of time putting it one when that specific person will ruined it.

Being satisfied with the fit of the lingerie to your body shape, you smiled to yourself. That lace lingerie make the marks all over your body visible.

Starting from your neck. Down to your chest and boobies then to your belly down to you tights. All covered with marks. He truly and extremely wanted everyone to know you're his property.

As soon as you're satisfied with it. You open the curtain and saw your bodyguard. A smirk appear on your lips once you saw him gulp and trying his best to avoid your present.

"What do you think? Do I look sexy on it?" You asked him as soon as you stepped in wearing the lingerie you're about to buy.

The man clear his throat as he nod his head while his back is facing you. You sigh and walked Infront of him.

"How can you saw it looks good on me when you're not even looking" you smile at him once you finally catch his eyes.

"I-I it looks good one you madam, it really fits you" he said. You're smile grow bigger seeing him so nervous.

"Okay then I'll be buying things" you said and went back inside the fitting room.

After returning to your clothes, you open the door and handled the lingerie to your bodyguard as you smirk at him already walked away.

The big guys smiled and blush as he went to the counter to pay for the lingerie you just bought.

As soon as you finish shopping, you went home directly feeling tired after a long day. Once you entered the living room a man is sitting on the couch crossing his legs while his both arms are on the side of couch.

Comfortably sitting on the couch, he called out your name catching you full attention when you're about to step on the stairs. You look at him and smiled.

Slowly yet sexily walking towards him and sit on his lap. He wrapped his left hand around your tiny waist while his right hand started caressing your tights.

"You're home early master" you whispered to his ears making him close his eyes feeling turned on by the way you sexily whispered through his ears.

"Cause I wanted to fuck you" he said. Those pair of dark odds staring right into your soul totally eating the remaining innocence you had left. But it all gone now.

"Are you gonna fuck me now sir?" You asked as you stand up and begin to unzip your dress and let it fall on the ground.

The man grabbed his jaw grabbing it hard as he stands up and pulled your body closer to his to the point your body collided with his.

"There's literally a man right behind you holding all your shopping bags and you had a audacity to strip there's huh?" He sounds mad as his voice is hard and deep yet you get turned on.

"What can I do. You pick a girl from club who's used getting mans attention and normalize bring naked Infront of different people. Using your money for her own wills is it my fault that you pick a slut?." You replied him.

He grabbed your jaw hard, staring at you and aggressively started kissing you, pulling you closer to him and broke the kiss.

"I let you used my money cause you let me used your body. But don't you ever call yourself a slut" he said using his husky deep voice.

"But I am" you said. He take a deep breath and grabbed your chin. "Listen up here woman. I'm the one who owns you meaning you will do and listen to what I'll say, so If I say your not a slut then your not a slut."

The man totally lose his mind because of you. The fact that he didn't care about your past life and the way he always garenty that you're his property made you so lucky.

You're just a girl from a club who work as strip, get attached to a rich man and used his money yet he allows you. You're the luckiest woman living in earth.

"But since you're being disobedient and getting strip right Infront of other man THAT you shouldn't do. I don't think I just wanna fuck you cause I think now I wanna ruined you."

"Then you ruined me" you said not knowing you're about to regret what you've just said.

Red room, red light, full of toys, sex toys to be specific. laying on the bed your wrist is handcuffed to the bed board while you feet is attached to a metal thing that gets stretch when you moved your feet and get stocked.

The man walk in all naked while massaging his massive cock. You're being blindfolded so you don't know what's happening around you yet you can already feel his presence.

The dark aura he brings never disappoint to bring get exited and nervous. You feel the bed move assuming he climbed up.

A soft lips touches your lips, huge hand massage your breast while you moan out into the kiss. He pulled away and hanging over you. He groan as he position himself.

He play with his cock while he on top of you, he bring it closer to your face as he slap you will it. You get startled when he suddenly slap it to your lips.

"Suck me off like a good girl you are" he said as he moved himself closer to your face. Putting his man slowly into your body as he move himself up and down while your mouth is circling his huge cock. You're at the every edge of choking yet you're liking the pain of lust.

He started moving faster while groaning in pleasure. He wanted to cum inside your mouth so bad but at the same time he also couldn't wait to ruined you hole. He begin to go on his speed till he fill himself cumming.

Soon the hot liquid explode inside your mouth. He removed himself and get down from the bed he walked Infront of you and pushed the bottom of the metal thing on your feet that made your legs spread wild open making you gulp.

"Fuck I wanna see you ruining me" you said making him smirk as he pulled the blindfold up.

"Ready to get ruined?" He asked but before you could even answer he turd you around as he put his cock inside you tight butt hole making you scream in pain as you're not used getting fuck at the butt.

"F-fuck" coursing under your breath as you can feel him completely inside you filling you all up. "Slow it down please" you beg him.

He grabbed your hair into ponytail and started soft kissing your bare shoulder while thrusting slowly taking time for you to adjust to his length.

After a minute of beging soft he slowly turned it into wild sex. Flipping you back and front thrusting deep, fast and hard on you, every thrust surly hitting your spot. Not even aware how many time you've already cum.

He's marking your collarbone, sucking it and bitting it while his length is deep inside you fucking you hard and deep. One move thrust and then boom you both made your cum at the same time.

He fell off beside you as both of you started catching your breath. He sit up on the bed and  removed your handcraft same with the one on your feet. Kissing you as he smiled.

Thinking it was over, you close your eyes ready to take a rest when you suddenly heard the vibrator sound.

Opening your eyes and saw him holding it. "We're not yet done baby" he said with a smirk.

"Fuck Jeon, you're literally ruining me" you said as you chuckles and get yourself ready for another round.

[xodarling]

Not even gonna anon myself anymore at this point.

Girl I absolutely agree with you, Silver Wolf is just such peak design. I'm not even big on petite figures (much prefer a fuller, plump figure) but Silvie just tickles my brain just right.

Got any thoughts on Dikke and Druvis from Reverse: 1999? Dikke has such a sexy personality and Druvis just hits all the checks for housewife material:p

OH MY GOOOODDSD WHAT THC FUCKKK😭😭

was i being gatekept from this woman??? why is no one talking about her jesus christo i searched her up on pinterest and this is the first thing that came up😭😭

alsoooo she looks nice :3 not as 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 as boobie lady but she looks very posh it yk what i mean like very conservative cooking u dinner when u get home type shit

i needa start playing more games that isnt ow look at all this hot women 😍😍😍 in ptn and reverse whatever tf

[soulsxng]

If my oc's were misinterpreted by fanon, pt 3:

Alsina

These next two are ladies (or present as ladies, in Alsi's case, since sexes are different for the vasyrus), so of course they would end up getting shoved aside for the boys. Or viewed just for sex.

I feel like she would get minimized to both the big booby goth and the wine aunt stereotypes.

People would just treat her as an accessory to Sivel. Because she did plan to overthrow him when she first came back, people would also probably speculate that she's using him/biding her time before she stabs him in the back.

I think people would take her habit of going as far as she has to in order to accomplish her goals, and her being unashamed to speak or act against things that she feels are wrong would get her pegged as being overly emotional. Or a bitch that takes things too seriously.

Nirbhi

Again, she's a lady so she'd automatically be pushed aside for the boys, for the most part. Or just viewed for sex. I could see that being especially bad with Nir.

Portrayed mostly as a ditzy airhead that lets her attendants take care of everything for her. Probably also a good bit of spoiled and selfish princess in there too, because of course.

I can see a lot of people either forgetting that she was a goddess for most of her life, or making her out to be some horrible woman that abandoned her followers without warning. All because she wanted to shirk her responsibilities and go have fun, instead!

She's a healer-type, so obviously that means she can't defend herself and is very weak. Needs protection, either in the "oh noes uwu, she needs a big, strong man to keep her safe" way, or the "ugh, she's so annoying, she can't do anything" way. I hate both, and so would she.

Pythius

People would absolutely only see him for the act he puts on with everyone. Arrogant, flirtatious and indulgent, vain and hotheaded. No depth here, no sirree! Might kind of sum up to a hot, but almost comic relief-y character in some ways.

He was never married, noooo, he's a playboy, he probably just knocked her up, he was never actually in love with her! And he probably neglected his sons, too! Actually no, I'm sorry. I mean he probably neglected Satan's sons--

People would also probably try to paint him as a drunken lecher, too. But in a "sexy way", for the most part.

Lazy, leaves all of his work to his siblings. But he still argues with all of them constantly, because there's gotta be one sibling in the bunch that causes a bunch of fights and drama!

I say all of this, but despite it all, I still feel like people would still somehow love him, and make all kinds of excuses for him.

Shilo

Always dozing off somewhere random, lazy, pretty emotionless and mysterious. People would treat his eels as snakes. This makes them sad :c

Cares a lot about nature and the state of the realms, so I can see a lot of people making him out to be really primitive and dumb. Or making him out to be the type that will jump down a person's throat for even considering the use of a plastic straw. Either way, I can also see it being treated as some haha funny joke.

Able to do mind/body control = he's instantly irredeemably evil.

Again with the "he's misunderstood, nothing he did as the Tyrant of Ennirem was wrong!" vs "he's evil and did that because he's evil and bad, and he didn't change or learn anything at all from what happened back then" battles.

Sivel

I can see a lot of blatant casual racism toward Sivel, unfortunately. Toward all of the Vasyrus, if I'm being honest. Because in a lot of places, they're painted as "the bad guys" in the Brinnelan war, with no acknowledgement to what led up to and caused any of that in the first place. And since Sivel is the king, he'd probably face the brunt of it.

He'd be viewed as cold and ruthless, power-hungry, unreasonable...all kinds of things, I'm sure. No wonder his wife left him!

Speaking of his wife, he probably forced her to marry him. Among other things.

On the more lighthearted side, I could see people dialing his nerdiness up to 11. Also his shut-in tendencies that pop up when he's really into something he's working on, or studying.

Serious all the time. Cannot take a joke. Doesn't tease, and is never playful. Sarcasm goes way over his head. I can see this being construed in both a sillier, kind of oblivious sort of light, and in a more negative sort of light, depending on what part of the fandom you ask.

Another "If you like this character, you condone everything bad that he's ever done, and you're just as problematic as him" victim.

[butchbarbieagainstterfs]

Terfs REALLY hate it when women and AFAB people get ANYTHING done to their breasts.

"Stop saying you can get double mastectomies without medical reason"

Really gives "I know you hate your boobs and they make you uncomfy because they're big... BUT I NEED TO STARE AT THEM AND MAKE SURE YOU WOMAN! SEXY BOOBY!"

I was told terf women weren't misogynists but, women having a choice? makes them THAT mad?

They really hate afab folk doing anything with their body that TERFs personally don’t approve of. It’s so weird.

[thesunflowerdyke]

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny: 

32: Fill in the blank: “If they ____________, we are fucking.

54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

70: Booty or Boobs?

✨Thank you, Anon, for my first official ask on this blog!✨

I’m still getting used to answering these sorts of question and thinking of myself in a sexual light so these little exercises help tremendously on my self discovery journey! 🥰

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny: 

So, I’m very much an auditory person. When I’m…”entertaining myself” I always gravitate towards written word or audio porn. So I’d say the fastest way to get me going is to get close to me and whisper something suggestive in my ear. It doesn’t even have to be anything particularly filthy.

(Though I am quite the fan of dirty talk.😉)

Just the tone of voice, dropping an octave or the voicing of your desire would be enough to get me on board immediately. Honestly, even just a playful whisper in the ear would do the trick!

OR

If we’re already kissing and touching, hearing my partner enjoying themself is a massive source of pleasure for me and it would make me want more. I would always prefer my partner to be vocal with their wants and needs. Not necessarily loud. Nothing that doesn’t come natural to them. But I love knowing what works (and what doesn’t!) so that I can learn better what pleases them. Please let me hear all of your little pleasure sounds!

*This all probably goes along with the fact that voices are a big factor in attraction for me. I’m a sucker for a nice speaking voice or unique accent. It’s one of the few things I can pin-point as a source of attraction for me because I don’t really have a physical type that I go for.

32: Fill in the blank: “If they ____________, we are fucking.

When it comes to being intimate my first concern is always my partners pleasure. I get off on getting my partner off. And while I am certainly intrigued about being on the receiving end of things (especially if that’s what does it for my partner) there’s nothing that gets me off more then knowing my partner is feeling good. If you tell me or show me how much you want/need me, then all bets are off. There wouldn’t be anything that would stop me from making you feel good.

So I’d say either ;

1. Tell me out right that they need/desire me. (Ex. Begging for it/demanding it)

Or

2. Showing me they need me. (Ex. Guiding my hand down to show me how wet they are for me.)

54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

My initial thoughts are : 😍❤️🥰💕😘❤️‍🔥

My slightly more thoughtful answer is I love them! I think they’re a beautiful and unique form of self expression, they look sexy as hell, and they’re a lot of fun to trace over with your fingertips while you’re cuddling.

70: Booty or Boobs?

This is like asking me to choose between a beautiful midnight star-lit sky and the fiery hues of a morning sunrise. *sigh* Why must I be taxed with choosing between beautiful things?

(Okay I’m done being dramatic…for now.)

With that being said, if I had to choose. I’d have to say I’m a boob lady. Along with this statement, I want to make a PSA right here and now that I’m a lover of all boobs. Any and all shapes and sizes. I love my hands on them gently squeezing and massaging the soft skin. I love my mouth on them licking and sucking and driving my partner crazy. In conclusion, boobies. But there’s truly no part of a woman’s body I don’t love. If I’m into you I’m obsessed with every. single. inch. of. you.

[jeanmoreausautismstickers]

things my best friend has said as marauders quotes

Sirius at James and Lily: don't breed. breed is bad.

Sirius: he (remus) would be a good stripper I think

James to Sirius: you're a hoe. but a lovely hoe

Barty: listen. I've cut open humans before and they have big breathing sacks-

Sirius about Regulus: he's a middle aged child

James explaining Sirius and Remus's relationship: they're besties...with benefits 😏

Peter: is there an ankle kink?

Regulus: because ALL ghosts just HAVE to be white don't they?

Evan, mispronouncing androgynous: yeah I feel a bit an-dro-gy-noose today

James: [sirius], please stop assaulting my pen

Evan: I'm a little German boy, I'm gonna get your toes with my little German boy fingers

Barty: give me the dead fetus, I have plans

Peter to Remus: do you have... a knee kink?

Marlene: I think the eggs for breakfast caused my period actually

Marlene: monkeys are the ancestors of cats

Barty, to Regulus: are you a keyboard? cos I'll play you like one

Sirius: I swear to [Merlin] I will sniff your arse

Sirius to Remus: can I unwrap you like a Christmas present?

Marlene: step-mummy please😩

Remus: no one likes a dog that vibrates [padfoot]

Mary: if a bee hit it from the back would it die before it could orgasm?

Peter: I think I could top a spoon

James to Lily: im not wearing anything under this mirror👀

Barty about Regulus: evil dick, giant brain

Sirius: haha [marlene] ate dick

Marlene: BOOBIES? WHERE

Lily, after a marauders prank: I could write a sixteen page essay on how much I wish I were a lesbian

Sirius when Remus walks in: hello sexy male

Sirius: a secret, third thing, my deep ass cheeks

Remus: Lma-no.

Remus: stop saying thick-arse rim!

Marlene, drunk: horse shoes don't go on horse cock, that's why they're horse shoes not horse condoms

Barty, about Regulus: I'd let him punch me for free, but you got PAID?

Sirius: [Regulus!] you devious little dog!

James: I can confirm, [Marlene] and my mum did not have sex to make me

Sirius: someone cummed in a glue bottle, that's why it's so hard

James, panicking to Pomfrey: MY JUGULAR IS JIGGLUNG

Remus: mate stop fingering the biscuit

James: I don't want your drug pens!

James at Marlene: stop underlining your nipple

Sirius: haha there's a man on your tit

James: my mum is not a man! nor a football!

Sirius: [Dumbledore] is a BOTTOM everyone

Barty: I'd be the one DOING the fucking, not getting fucked

Regulus: can I refer to you as a travelling circus?

Barty, in response to ^: well I am a walking joke

Sirius: if you're homophobic you get sent to bitch jail

James: I'm just too quirky for my own good

Sirius: does that mean pussy is dogwater

Sirius when Remus gets rid of his trousers: how much are you selling your arse fabric for?

Remus: I dare you to drink the bananas cum

Lily: I don't want to hold hands with Jesus, put him back on his cross

Sirius, after losing his virginity: I started celebrating because I got to touch arse

Remus: christ no I don't want to touch God's nuts

James when Remus gives him anything: thanks. it doesn't have weed on it, right?

Sirius: I'm like a bird hi-YAH oh shit I pulled a muscle

Remus: the wake up woman touched my penis

James: please stop serenading my father

Marlene: whore core?? I think you mean me when women

Sirius and Regulus about slow walkers: you know what career they can pursue? ROADBLOCKS

James: be careful. I'll beat you up with my Calvin Klein man muscles

James: im clutching my house keys

Effie, about Sirius: I saw him and I knew immediately I should put him in my child jar

Sirius after drinking water: im gonna break records with how much I piss today

Evan, seeing Sirius from afar: is that Jesus christ? why is he so white? absolutely translucent

Barty, holding Regulus's diary: I think this may be a gay sex book

baby James: what do you do? I'm a snot picker

Sirius: thaddeus with the phatteus

Sirius about Regulus: stop babygirl-ifying him! he is not babygirl material! I am :(

Barty: he was a man. probably a white one, there was a lot of audacity

Sirius: that is two cheeks too many mate

Sirius: give me the fathers I need to collect them

Remus: stop squeezing my fucking flange

Regulus: calm your foot before I eat it

Marlene: it dried my nose. it was so dry. drier than a straight man's wife, I'll tell you that

James: oh, you did competitive ballet when you were young? my parents loved me so I can't relate

James, trying to help Remus and Sirius get together: do you like balls bursting in your mouth?

Barty: stop playing with balls in your mouth

James, watching Regulus, Evan and Barty walk into the toilets: three men just walked into the loo, they might kiss~

Remus, trying to find a body wash: does this smell like weiner or hydrangea

Sirius when McGonagall: turn your bagpipes off for [Merlin's] sake

Evan: thumb me bitch

Sirius to Marlene: you already knew you liked women! you were in her boohs!