#or being at a certain weight and wanting to maintain it because they like the weight they're at

[blubushie]

does t actually make U gain weight or is that false

Yes and no.

Testosterone actually makes it much easier to LOSE weight. With high testosterone you burn fat and calories faster, and you have a faster metabolism.

The issue is that people low in testosterone go on T and aren't prepared for how hungry T makes you. T increases your appetite but it specifically is increasing your appetite for PROTEIN because you're building muscle. People don't know this, so instead they eat junk food or food high in carbs, which puts more fat on them (and often leaves them still feeling hungry because their nutritional requirements aren't being met).

Really it's about self-discipline (not just eating whenever you're hungry—this goes especially if you have bad eating habits/eat when bored already, since T will make you more hungry more often) and proper diet (if you get hungry, try eating some protein instead of junk food or something high in carbs).

If you're going on T and eat the exact same amount of food on the same diet as you ate before T, and when you get hunger cravings you just eat lean protein, you are practically guaranteed to lose weight.

Really, a well-balanced diet with supplemental protein is the way to go. It's best to keep in mind that if you're eating at a steady caloric intake for longer than 4 weeks but you're still having hunger cravings, it's not because you're hungry for food in general, but instead because there's something specific that's missing out of your diet. Try eating more vegetables, or more fruits, or more lean protein, or more nuts for a few days, and see if that helps resolve anything. Also try not to eat processed foods, they're the death of you.

Also, if you're intending to bulk (see: put on more muscle) you will get very intense hunger cravings during and after workouts. Those are actually protein cravings. Eat more lean protein. YOU CANNOT BUILD MUSCLE WITHOUT PROTEIN.

Chookas!

[alchemistc]

Part One

They don't tell anyone. Not about the marriage certificate, at least. Buck comes back from his conference with a new-old boyfriend and money exchanges hands despite protest from the losers that Bobby had inside knowledge.

(He did not.)

They put the rings away. They talk a bunch of shit out that they'd only skimmed the surface of on the patio of that dingy bar.

Buck buys him that beer.

Finally.

Things are - things aren't easy. Buck skips ahead in his own mind and desperately backpedals before Tommy notices (he hopes). Tommy continues to be tight lipped about things, goes with the flow more often than he should and absolutely hates being called out about it.

Eddie is slow to readjust to having Tommy back in their lives.

With Chris back, he swears up and down he believes Buck that they're both serious about this, but he invites Tommy over less, doesn't involve him in Chris's life as often. Buck tries desperately not to let Eddie's hesitancy inform any of the feelings bubbling in his chest, any of the half-formed futures in his head.

Bobby calls Tommy and they go out for coffee and Tommy spends a week pretending to be so fucking fine about whatever they talked about that Buck starts baking again.

Tommy's abs get a little less defined.

Buck takes him to a gay bar, because they never did that before, never explored anything that wasn't just the two of them, never talked about the community or the history or the impact of being queer. The first time someone approaches their spot at the corner of the bar, Tommy seems to be trying incredibly hard not to read into any of the reactions Buck is having, and failing miserably.

But the thing is. The thing is Buck did this on his own. Petty, unhappy, Tommy's words swirling in his head, he's tried a few dozen times to find another person remotely as appealing as the one at his side, and they'd all fallen short.

When the guy asks Buck if he wants to dance Buck blurts out words before he can think about it that he's absolutely certain are gonna send Tommy spiraling. "Appreciate the offer, but I'm here with my husband. We're celebrating."

The guy blinks. He's young. Younger than Buck, slim and attractive, dark brown eyes and light brown skin that glows golden even in the crappy bar lighting. His gaze darts almost eagerly between them, like he's seeing something he hadn't expected. Something hopeful blooms in his gaze, and Buck - oh.

Buck gets it.

That's a lot of weight to carry just for existing in the world and trying to snatch some happiness from it.

Buck smooths a hand over Tommy's knee and smiles at him, something soft and settled that has been harder to find this time around but still curls up against his spine like it belongs there.

The kid buys them a round and leaves.

"What are we celebrating?" Tommy asks, and Buck pretends not to notice the way his thumb is rubbing over the bare patch of skin where Buck had slid a ring, a few months ago. He's not freaking.

"Whatever we want," Buck says with a shrug, and doesn't mention that neither one of them have brought up the marriage certificate tucked away in Tommy's safe since they got back from Vegas.

---

"The Abby thing is still weird," Buck says, breath heaving as Tommy rearranges Buck's legs and tucks himself into Buck's side. They'd spent an evening talking candidly about their exes because Buck can't understand how they went six months without realizing.

Tommy's hands shift through the hair Buck stopped shaving the first time Tommy admitted he preferred it to the baby smooth skin Buck had tried desperately to maintain for the first four months. It's just now feeling normal, after so many years of keeping it smooth.

"I think she'd freak more than you did."

"I managed to implode a six month relationship with my freak, Tommy."

Tommy chuffs a laugh. Slides his calf up and down Buck's lower leg, and despite the fact that Buck has a few more notches in his belt that'd had that same scritch of hair against his, Buck relishes the feel just because it's Tommy.

"You had help." He pauses, though, tips his chin and tucks it against the give of Buck's shoulder. "I'm not implying her reaction was particularly homophobic, but - I think that was the worst part, for her. The fact that I hadn't just lied about how I felt. It was - she assumed I couldn't feel it."

Buck can't help the brow raise. "Tommy, you're a Kinsey six."

"I still loved her."

He's been working his way through romantic vs sexual vs platonic and learning a whole hell of a lot in the process. He gets Tommy's point. He's thrilled that Tommy is still in a sharing mood. It's just -

Tommy shifts, noses into Buck's underarm. Breathes deep, and Buck has to fight the urge to shove him away.

"If I'm totally off base here tell me, but I think you loved her like I love Eddie."

Tommy narrows his eyes. Contemplates. "Tell me again how jealous of his hair you were when you met," he decides on, and shrieks when Buck digs a finger into his ribs in retaliation.

---

They fight, and it's thrilling.

They never did that before. Minced their words and apologized and let it all drop away but never actually let it go, and when Tommy gets on a roll he's bitchy as hell. It drives Buck insane. He wants to wring his fucking neck. He wants to take him to the mat and actually learn enough about Muay Thai to stand a chance lasting two minutes. He wants to throw him against a wall and jack him off until he sees stars.

"He wouldn't do the same for me, Evan, so why should I bother?!"

Tommy's dad is dying. According to Tommy, it's days or weeks, not months or years, and Tommy had said it so emotionless that Buck had jokingly tried to check him for panels and plugs and wiring. Tommy hadn't appreciated the robot joke.

"Screw your dad, Tommy! Do it for yourself."

"I'm not like you, Evan! That bridge burned a decade ago. I don't need - ." He pinches the bridge of his nose. Grimaces and sucks in a breath. Usually that means he's yanking back words he knows he'll regret. Rearranging them in his mind until they're less likely to sting. "I don't want a death bed reconciliation any more than I want to be proven right about him."

Buck takes two weeks off to help Tommy plan the funeral.

Tommy tosses the contents of the urn into the ocean two weeks later, and when Buck asks about it, Tommy gives him a shifty look, like he thinks the answer might send Buck running. "He hated the ocean."

It's the last time they talk about his dad, for a while.

[formulawolff]

the (not so subtle) art of a crush - t.w.

pairing: female driver!reader x toto wolff

word count: 777

warnings: toto being down bad, some teasing, sexual innuendos, one-sided yearning, yadayadayada

a/n: this was a request made by an anon (i believe!) this is also sort of a spin-off of fanboy behavior, which i absolutely adored writing. i think yearning (and well.. down bad) toto is my favorite toto to write! i hope y'all enjoy! <3

"and tell me," the driver's accent is crisp as he licks his lips, "why do you need help creating an instagram account again?"

"nothing major," a figure shrugs, fiddling with a loose thread in his wrinkled white polo, "i just want to stay in the loop. that's all."

"toto," a new voice chimes in, "you have never once mentioned wanting an instagram, or any social media really, until now. what is going on?"

"nothing major," toto wolff exhales, rolling his eyes, "you all have it, so why can't i?"

"because you're ancient?" lewis hamilton scoffs, arching a brow, "you're probably going to need a step-by-step tutorial on how to navigate the platform."

"i think i can figure that one out myself you know," toto hisses, jaw clenching as his drivers stare blankly, "if five year-olds can do it, i can do it."

"let me see your phone," george russell extends an arm, waving his fingers, "i'll get your account set up."

"i-i," the team principal stammers, heat billowing into his cheeks, "i-i don't know if i necessarily need help with that."

"are you blushing?" lewis purses his lips, a devious smirk forming as the dots connect, "mate, do you have something in there that you don't want us to see?"

only approximately one hundred and two screenshots of a certain williams driver. three or four videos. all of which were screen recordings from various interviews.

his cherished clips. ones he watched every night before he drifted off.

all of which were not tucked away into the hidden folder of his camera roll.

speaking of which, he may have to figure out how to do that. with three kids, an ex-wife, and two nosy drivers, his phone was an easy target. he probably needed to set up a passcode as well.

the lengths he was going to over a crush. a fucking crush.

well, was it a really a crush?

or more like an infatuation?

that was a question for another time. he had two drivers in his office at the moment, circling around him like vultures, eager to pick him apart.

"nothing of your interest," toto retorts, in a vain attempt to maintain his composure, "nothing, really."

"got someone's nudes in there?" lewis coos, tilting his head, "or even worse, a sex tape?"

"lewis," george brings a hand to his temple, "what on earth is wrong with you?"

"what, mate?" lewis throws his hands in the air, "i'm just giving him shit."

"shit he clearly does not want," george mutters, "toto, if you need help setting up an account, just facetime me. don't try to text me. it's much easier to explain over a call than written directions."

"or he can just go on wikihow," lewis offers, "they have guides on just about everything."

oh, really?

did they have a guide on how to navigate the unbearable weight of yearning for a woman thirty years your junior? a woman on a rival team? a crush so bad that it was beginning to snake its way into every aspect of your life? consume your every waking thought?

a crush so intense that you had already spoken to members of the williams crew?

his next target was james, whom he was planning on meeting and speaking with after the next press conference. that was in about a week's time, at third grand prix of the season.

fuck, this was embarrassing, really.

but he wanted more.

actually, he needed more.

he craved it.

he needed to gather all of the possible information and intel as he could. her likes and dislikes. her favorite foods and the ones that were so vile they made her throw up. what kept her up at night. what music she preferred to listen to on race day. what drinks she indulged in. what animals she loved. what made her so unbelievably pissed off she couldn't think straight.

he wanted to catch a glimpse inside of her mind.

all of the things that could possibly buzz around inside of that beautiful head.

really, he just wanted to learn what she was composed of.

her childhood memories, the ones she spoke of with that sweet fondness in her voice. the delicate aspects of her life that she cherished, beaming from ear to ear. the things she feared. how she expressed her love. the people she adored.

everything.

he wanted to know it all.

and following her instagram account, along with her various other socials would prove to be the first step in accessing that plethora of information.

at least it was a step in the right direction.

even if his drivers were giving him hell for it.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ taglist ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

@noooway555 @s-awturn @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @lokideservesahug @fore45fore @eattothebeatt @statuewoman @sarah10r-blog @lavenderandlace @racecardilfs @bblouifford @irishmanwhore @jhobi18 @roseandtulips @simply-the-best23

[ahqkas]

could you please do how bruce would admit his feelings ? tysm i appreciate your writing so much !! :)

♯ MADE OF FLESH AND BONES ( bruce wayne ! )

— gn!reader, bruce is bad at feelings, fluff

© ahqkas — all rights reserved. even when credited, these works are prohibited to be reposted, translated or modified

BRUCE WAYNE isn’t someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. years of training, loss, and responsibility have molded him into a man who values control above all else. to be in control means to rule and to admit he has feelings for you is no small thing—it’s an intrusion to his carefully maintained barriers, a decision he didn’t make lightly. he weighed every possibility, every outcome, because for bruce, love isn’t a fleeting emotion that will pass like the summer breeze; it’s a commitment, a risk he doesn’t take unless he’s one hundred percent certain.

admitting his feelings to himself was the first, and perhaps most challenging, step. for weeks, maybe even months, bruce tried to ignore the way his heart beat faster when you entered the room or the warmth that spread through his veins when you laughed. he convinced himself it was just a feeling of admiration or gratitude for your kindness. but the feelings grew, unrelenting, until they were impossible to ignore. the realization came quietly, in a rare moment of peace; you offered him a genuine smile that felt like sunlight breaking through gotham’s ever-present gloom, and batman felt his high walls of defense crumble at the single sight

that’s when it hit him: he cared for you in a way that terrified him. you were not just someone he enjoyed being around—you’d became someone he couldn’t imagine his life without.

once he acknowledged his feelings, the war inside his mind began. he questioned whether he had the right to bring you into his world, a world full of danger, secrecy, and darkness. he’s haunted by the losses he’d endured, and the thought of you becoming another person he might fail to protect kept him up at night. he told himself it was better to keep his distance, to let you go for your own safety & good. but no matter how hard he tried to pull away, he was drawn back to you, like a moth to a flame

alfred, the butler for the wayne family, noticed the change in his master almost immediately. the older man’s knowing gaze lingered on bruce whenever you were around, a bittersweet smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “you can’t protect yourself from every risk, master wayne,” alfred examined one evening, his tone gentle yet full of wisdom. “some things are worth taking a leap of faith for.”

the fateful night of his confession didn’t come easily. bruce had spent countless nights pacing in the batcave, the words he wanted to say circling in his mind but never forming fully. it took a catalyst to finally push him to act—seeing you with someone else, laughing in a way that felt too intimate, too close. the jealousy caught him off guard, a sharp reminder of how deeply he felt for you

it became impossible for him to hold back. his emotions, usually so carefully contained, spilled over like a dam breaking under the weight of a flood.

you were standing in the grand parlor of wayne manor, the crackling fireplace the only source of light as snow drifted softly outside the tall windows. it was quiet, the kind of stillness that felt almost like a prayer. bruce stood a few feet away, his hands shoved into the pockets of his tailored slacks, his gaze fixed on the fire as though it held answers to questions he’d been wrestling with.

“i’ve been meaning to talk to you,” he said finally, his voice low and steady, though there was an edge of something raw beneath it.

you turned to him, brows furrowing at his tone. “is everything okay?”

he nodded, but his lips pressed into a thin line before he spoke again. “no. not really.” his hands left his pockets, fingers flexing at his sides as if he was bracing himself for a fight. “i’m not very good at this,” he admitted, sharp gaze briefly flicking to yours before returning to the fire.

the vulnerability in his voice took you off guard, and you stepped a little closer, searching his expression for answers. for anything. “good at what?”

“talking about how i feel.” he exhaled sharply, his jaw tightening for a moment as he tried to find the right words. “i’ve spent most of my life . . . closing myself off. building walls to keep people out. it’s easier that way. safer.”

he paused for a moment, his blue eyes finally meeting yours, and the intensity there sent a shiver down your the valley of your spine. “but you . . . you’ve made it impossible to keep those walls up.”

your breath hitched at the back of your throat, and you’re not sure if it was from the weight of his words or the way he was looking at you—as though you were the only person in the world. his world.

“i’ve tried to fight it,” continuing, his voice dropped to a near whisper. “tried to convince myself that it’s better this way. that you deserve someone who can give you the life you want without dragging you into the darkness that comes with mine.” he took a step closer, his movements slow and deliberate, as if he was afraid of scaring you off whether it was by his words or actions. “but no matter how hard i try, i can’t stop thinking about you. about the way you make everything feel . . . lighter. like there’s still hope.”

his confession hung in the air, heavy and charged, as he looked at you with an almost pleading expression. “i care about you. more than i should. more than i ever thought i could.”

bruce hesitated, his hand lifting slightly before falling back to his side, his uncertainty so unlike the confident man you’d came to know. “i don’t expect anything from you. i just . . . i needed you to know.”

[ssentimentals]

hellooo!!! can i request prompt #12 with wonwoo, i think by now we’ve all seen how crazy wonwoo’s bed hair is😭 i wonder how he’d feel letting reader see it for the first time or just what they think of it in general!!

hellooo! ahahah yeah, that suits wonwoo very well!! makes me happy when prompts are very certain member coded :) thank you for requesting! 💜 hopefully you will like it!

fluff prompt: 'i love your bedhead.'

wonwoo is not dramatic. at least he likes to think that he's not; but even he can admit that right now he's being a little - just a little! - dramatic over this thing. but it's important - he wants to maintain certain image around you. every single voice in wonwoo's head screams at him that you will like him regardless of how he looks, but there is one tiny doubt he has and that tiny doubt is the reason why he's stuck in the bathroom for the past ten minutes now.

'woo?' you call out. 'is everything okay?'

a very legit question to ask, but wonwoo still cringes: 'ugh- yeah.'

'that did not come out very confident,' you point out and then he can hear shuffling and next time yuo open your mouth, your voice sounds much closer like you're leaning on the door: 'baby, is everything okay? do you need something?'

wonwoo thinks he has the best, sweetest girlfriend. he also thinks that he is being unnecessarily dramatic over staying at yours for the night for the first time ever. 'no, it's all good, love. i'm just doing my hair. you can come in, by the way.'

the door creaks and you enter with puzzled expression on your face. 'what's wrong with your hair?'

wonwoo is too focused on you looking incredibly cute in your christmas themed pjs that he doesn't catch the question at first; he blinks back to you, when you step very close, brushing his hand with yours. 'so what's up with your hair? i didn't know you had some night routine thing.'

he doesn't. he never did but you can't possibly see him with his bedhead in the morning because then you will run away and fall out of love with him. yeah, maybe he is being dramatic. 'i'm just thinking of ways how to comb my hair so in the morning it won't scare you away.'

he hopes it sounds like a joke but judging by your raised eyebrow and no smile, he didn't really land it correctly. 'i love your bedhead,' you say surely, which is cute, it really is, but-

'you've never seen my bedhead.' wonwoo points out rightfully.

you shrug. 'and? i will love it anyway.' you lean in, smiling at him sweetly. 'woo, don't overthink it. it's you, okay? i'll love your bedhead, i promise.'

that tiny doubt which used to lead his brain into this stupid predicament slowly melts away, disappears under the weight of your assureness. and he can tell that you're sincere, which makes everything even better. so he takes a deep breath and smiles: 'okay. let's go to bed then?'

you perk up, nodding. 'yes! left side is mine!'

left side is also his, but wonwoo only nods, eager to let you always take his favorite side of the bed as long as you'll have him. which he hopes is forever.

a/n: request your own here! <3 - nini

[piggyinthemiddle]

🐷 'Gaining' Diaries with Porky 🐷

Hi, I felt like writing again. It's been a while. :D

This might not be a usual gaining diary as you're used to. Over the past few months I didn't manage to get as big as I wanted to be, mainly due to stress, getting sick and simply not having the time to eat and lay and stuff as much as I need to. But now being with an encouraging and enabling partner, I can feel the pounds being added to my belly again and it's amazing- anyways.

I didn't realise until now how hard it can be to grow visibly fatter at a certain size. Can see the number on the scales get higher but I feel like my gut and rolls remain the same, it's frustrating. However many of you and my partner keep telling me that I'm "obviously fatter than a month ago" and all that so maybe I'm just getting blind to it? God knows.

Does this happen to any of you? Am I going a bit crazy? 😂

________

As for the actual gaining progress, as I said it's kind of stuck around the 400lbs mark at the moment. I didn't lose weight, nor did I gain a lot unfortunately. I maintained for a while. What I can say is that my belly felt less bloated and stretched out as it did when I was really pushing my limits. My stretchmarks calmed down a little bit, my lower belly felt heavy, yet more "settled" and squishy.

I started stuffing again a few days ago and I've been struggling to move properly ever since, needed to get used to the tightness again. I keep the belly on full display for my partner to enjoy when they're around and I've never felt so proud of being such a fat pig before tbh, having someone to impress with it feels so good.

Apart from that many wondered how they feel about my being this fat and getting bigger without intentions to stop: They're enjoying it. They're treating me to dinners, they enjoy patting and jiggling my belly and they keep making comments about the road ahead. Just today we planned out a trip for tomorrow and they went "We should go to (location), I want us to see it before you're too fat" so trust me, they're fully on board and enjoy it. They're aware of me becoming immobile at some point and if they weren't into it, I doubt they'd still be here and watch and even help fattening me up until I am. 🐷

Also can we quickly appreciate the size of my hand compared to my rolls real quick because this snapchat picture is just 👌✨️🐖

Honestly still can't get over that this is actually my body now. Just typing that is exciting. Some of you who I've chatted with were wondering if I ever regret getting this big and I understand the concern but.. guys I'm so happy? I always looked up to the gainers and fat people on YT and all, I never thought I'd ever get there and now look at me. 😌 Such a big pile of lard. No regrets. None.

I doubt anyone even reads the entire thing but some times I just love writing about this, anyways have a good day byeeee porky out 🐷🫶 also add me on snap because half of the stuff never makes it to tumblr okay that's it

Snapchat: porkysnap2022

[mauvecherie-writes]

destinado al deseo: l.hamilton | series

ru’s 💌: Now those closest to me know I’ve been sitting on this since January without devulging too much information because I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to post it because I’ve been in my academic era. As my year is beginning to wrap up and I’m left with more time on my hands, I feel like this is the perfect time to finally share this with you guys! I’m so excited ahhh! I hope you love it as much as I love writing this 🩷

status: ongoing [coming soon]

tropes and tags: NSFW 18+, MDNI, acquaintances to lovers, billionaire romance, BDSM slow burn, Dom/Sub dynamic, angst, mentions of child neglect, narcissistic and enabling parents, sibling rivalry, explicit sexual scenes. [CHAPTERS WILL HAVE SPECIFIC TAGS/WARNINGS]

DISCLAIMER: this story is a piece of pure fiction. outside of the likeness to Lewis Hamilton’s physical appearance and certain aspects of his professional career and business - EVERYTHING HERE IS FAKE.

destinado al deseo : destined for desire.

Nothing on the London Real Estate market moved without Soleil Beverly knowing about it. She built her empire from the ground up and climbing up the property ladder until she was at the top.

Maintaining her throne with what feels like the weight of the world on her shoulders was too much to bear but she did it. And she did it well.

Which left her with no time for anything else …

Especially intimate relationships.

Hence why, everyone from her parents to her close friends trying to set her up with every man of the upper echelon. Date after date, she shut them down - giving every reason under the sun as to why she can’t give them a chance after the first date.

Fed up and promising her best friend one more date (which goes horribly as expected), Soleil ends up being saved by someone she never expected. Even more so, she wasn’t prepared for the unpredictable journey that night would spark ..

Soleil: [ s oh - l AI ]

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒:

0.

reading list: @queenshikongo3 @dhlfastestlap @saintslewis @serpenttines-library @saturnville @hopefulromantic1 @cocobutterqwueen @bluesole16 @melodichaeuxx-lacritquexx @sapphireheaven @olyvoyl @lewisroscoelove @lh44adore @hellomadamebutterfly @scorpiobleue @qveenmelanink @tremendousstarlighttragedy @bekindbecoolbeyou @greedyjudge2 @itsapurrfectstorm @createdbylivingclocks @samiwzx @omgsuperstarg @peyiswriting @miyuhpapayuh @blowmymbackout @purplelewlew @henneseyhoe @perfecttrashface @alianovnaromanovanatalia @leilaxaliel @sageispunk @2serenity0 @gemii-n-tay @aluapla

[rdr2gifs]

''the morning light, when it comes to me, it was there but I could not see''

Arthur’s life was profoundly shaped by his self-hatred, lack of self-worth and disbelief in the existence of kindness in a seemingly dark and cruel world.

I strongly disagree with the statement that Arthur only became a ‘’better’’ man after being diagnosed with tb. His struggle with his true/inner self is apparent as early as chapter one. ‘’You are not who you think you are, sir… which is lucky’’

He has lived a rough life, raised by criminals and surrounded by violence ever since he was born. It was installed in him early that his value lied within being a violent enforcer and he has lived this life since, knowing nothing else. As a highly aware person, Arthur's actions weight heavy on his soul. He accepts that his actions have consequences. He knows that a person who has caused so much suffering is not meant to have happiness in life. His way of life has caused him to believe that he is not worthy of love or redemption. He doesn’t want to believe that a person like him could be capable of any good. (a thing to note here is that imo, Arthur’s actions near his death weren’t attempts at redemption but rather a strong desire to do right and possibly be his true self.) This is why he keeps living as he does as it’s the only thing he’s ever known, it’s the thing that brings him profit, praise from the person he looks up to and he is already damned so he might as well continue living this life anyway.

The internal problem Arthur faces is that this violent, cruel way of life doesn’t align with what I’d call his true self/ideals. He is torn between the harsh reality he has known and an unconscious yearning for righteousness/love. To be able to carry on with his actions he must enforce certain ideals within himself, such as: I am bad, ugly, nasty, ignorant, mean etc. He also decides to see the dark side of reality, telling himself that the world is a grim dark place and this is just as things were meant to be. This is why he feels so uncomfortable being complimented for his good deeds, because a bad rotten person like him should not be able to do good. It breaks the image he has built for himself and he doesn’t want that happening. This can be seen a lot during the ‘’Money Lending and Other Sins’’ missions where he is unusually mean (even for his standards) to each of the debtors. Imo, he acts this way because he must truly convince himself of being a terrible man to be able to carry out a job which revolts him so badly. In the last debt collecting mission with J. John Weathers, it can be seen in his face/expressions how much he is struggling to put on a tough, uncaring, heartless act. He needs to maintain a ruthless persona to survive in the world he knows. He must convince himself of his own cruelty.

''Forgive me, but that's the problem. You don't know you.''

Contrary to Arthur’s beliefs, he is a naturally kind-hearted person who is unconsciously drawn towards kindness. And yes, even before he was diagnosed with tb. This can be seen in the people he respects the most and, in his willingness to help strangers (notice how he often does unnecessary acts of service for total strangers such as: carrying their things, holding out hands etc. even though they had already troubled him). Despite the life he has lived, Arthur does not enjoy violence, he does not enjoy hurting people. He doesn’t want to dominate over others. He thinks mostly about others and not about himself. This fact alone is very telling of his character.

He writes about Charles, a man who he truly respects: ‘’He’s a better man than me. He does not need to think to be good. It comes naturally to him, like right is deep within as opposed to this conflict between GOOD↔EVIL that rages within me.’’ A man who is not struggling with his inner self would not have written this. To me this clearly implies an inner desire to be a better man. He writes about his mentors: ‘’I love Dutch like a father, but in many ways, I love Hosea even more. He’s kind and fair and like a human being. Dutch is something else.’’ Clearly showing a preference for Hosea who is of a more gentle nature and shows genuine kindness. Unsurprisingly, these are the people who see through his dumb/though act and encourage him to drop it.

When he comes across Brother Dorkins for the first time, he writes: ‘’(he)was one of those innocent people who make you feel better about human beings and about yourself a little. Must be odd to see all that goodness in the world. Place always seemed dark and brutal to me.’’ Expressing how he does not see goodness in the world, implying lack of good examples/kindness/good experiences in his life. Yet, the monk leaves an impression and imo, this encounter (seeing genuine goodness) disrupts Arthur’s perception of what the world truly is. ‘’Just as evil begat evil your whole life long, so good may begat good’’ (what strengthens my belief in this, is the following, symbolic scene of Arthur realising the consequences of his actions right after picking up a crucifix. He was aware of them before sure, but is unable to truly ignore them now having seen it right in front of his eyes). If only Arthur was presented with more examples of goodness in his life.

''You have it in you... I can tell!''

His desire to do as much good as possible after realising he won’t live long is instant. This would not be the mindset of someone who did not already possess kindness in his heart. ‘’Know glory and forget about shame.’’ Arthur’s shame and self-loathing caused by his previous actions were what was holding him back from allowing kindness into his life. Knowing that he has limited time left has not made him into someone he wasn’t before. The diagnosis was a catalyst, allowing him to embrace that love/goodness truly does exist and accelerate the process of chipping away from the persona he has made for himself. This was a newfound understanding for him as in the past he was rejecting any notion of kindess. In himself and perhaps the whole existence of it. ‘’You keep hidden all that matters, even from yourself.’’

After being diagnosed, he writes: ‘’What kind of a man have I been? What kind of a man am I? What world is this we live in? A land of fury or a place of love? Am I being prepared for eternal damnation? Am I past any kind of saving? Is that all fairytales? Man ain’t got much good in him. I ain’t got no good in me… I don’t think and yet I see goodness. I see it. If not in me, in good folk. In Abigail and her love for Jack. In that silly monk. In Downes, I guess. Begging not for himself but for the poor, even though he was near starving himself. Maybe I don’t want salvation. Part of me has always longed for death.’’ This entry perfectly shows how deep Arthur’s self-loathing goes and just how much it has damaged him. As his journal allows a look into his true feelings, he truly does not see a single good thing about himself. He knew for a long time that the way he lives is detestable but he could not let go of it. Not because he didn’t want to, but because it’s all that he has ever known. He didn’t believe in anything else. This sudden acceptance of goodness has allowed him to see clearly, which was obscured from him before, and for the first time, enabled him to act free of past regrets for what is right.

⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪

Arthur’s redemption is not about becoming a good man. It is about finding the strength to change and recognise your true self despite a lifetime of self-loathing and breaking free from destructive beliefs of the past.

In Arthurian legends a stag is a symbol of the unending quest of spiritual knowledge/enligtenment

[hisui-dreamer]

ode to the cunning octopus

Pairing: Azul Ashengrotto x gn!reader

Synopsis: it didn't matter how he saw himself, because you would always be by his side to remind him how wonderful he is

Tags: drabble, fluff, slightly poetic hehe, reader is a simp for azul

Word count: 645

Notes: very belated happy birthday to azul!! to make up for being late i wrote a bit more than usual hehe. (azul you can't blame me i was working on assignments)

Masterlist

Your lover possesses an undeniable charm that seems to effortlessly captivate all who cross his path. With a disarming smile and magnetic charisma, he effortlessly draws others in, captivating them like moths to a flame. His sharp wit, eloquent words, and calculated gestures make a lasting impression. But perhaps his most impressive skill lies in his negotiation tactics. A brilliant negotiator, he knows exactly when to push and when to pull, when to offer a compromise and when to stand firm. His ability to read people and anticipate their moves gives him a distinct advantage at the bargaining table, and the sight of him at work never ceases to amaze you.

Your lover is a paragon of hard work and dedication. Whether he's tirelessly managing the bustling affairs of the Mostro Lounge or buried deep in his studies, striving to maintain top grades, his commitment knows no bounds. His days are filled with a whirlwind of activity, yet he tackles each challenge with a grace and efficiency that is nothing short of awe-inspiring. Despite the demands of his responsibilities, he never falters, always pushing himself to new heights of excellence. It's this relentless drive and work ethic that sets him apart, earning him the respect and admiration of all who know him.

Your lover takes great delight in showering you with the spoils of his hard-earned wealth. With each lavish gift and luxurious comfort he bestows upon you, his eyes gleam with satisfaction, fueled by the desire to see the radiant smile spread across your face. Yet it's the simple pleasures he relishes the most—wrapping you in the soft embrace of your favourite blanket, watching as contentment floods your features, knowing that in that moment, his efforts have brought you joy beyond measure. For him, the truest wealth lies not in the riches he accumulates, but in the happiness he brings to you, his angelfish.

Your lover is meticulously careful with his diet and weight, determined to maintain a certain image of himself. He meticulously counts calories, carefully monitoring his intake and meticulously planning his meals to ensure they align with his health goals. Yet, despite his disciplined approach, there are moments when you catch a glimpse of his longing for the indulgent pleasures he denies himself. In those moments, you can't help but want to spoil him, to see the joy light up his face as he savors the flavors he so often denies himself. So every once in a while, you find subtle ways to indulge his cravings, knowing that a little bit of indulgence can bring a smile to his face and a warmth to your heart.

Your lover possesses a comforting presence like no other. Whenever exhaustion threatens to overwhelm you, you know you can seek solace as you snuggle into his trench coat. And without hesitation, he drops everything to tend to your needs, his touch gentle and soothing, his words a balm to your weary soul. There's an ease in his presence when he’s with you, a tranquility that washes over him as soon as you wrap your arms around him. It's as if the weight of the world lifts from his shoulders, replaced by the warmth of your touch and the gentleness of your love. As you hold him close, feeling his heartbeat steady against yours, you know that in your arms is where he truly belongs, finding solace and contentment in your embrace.

Your lover is a man of contradictions, a paradox wrapped in an enigma. But beneath the layers of complexity lies a heart of gold, a love that burns fiercely and unconditionally. And as you gaze into his eyes, you know that no matter the trials that lie ahead, you will always stand by his side, for better or for worse, until the end of time.

Your lover, is none other than Azul Ashengrotto.

Masterlist

if you liked this post, don't forget to reblog!

[recycledraccoon]

Senior Year Au

Former Rat Grinders all spend the rest of Junior year and all of summer break in therapy, both individually and as a group. It's a lot of work, but they're coming back together in the aftermath in a healthier more sustainable way. (The empty places among them leave them feeling a mix of complicated emotions.)

Mary Ann still maintains her relationship (???) with Gorgug. (They're not asking many questions because Mary Ann gives few answers.) Lucy is good friends now with The Bad Kids, but Kristen especially. Even Ruben is on decent terms for the most part.

Ivy and Oisin had it much harder. They don't remember everything, but they remember enough to make the weight of it heavy on their shoulders, Oisin especially for the large part he and his magic had played.

Ivy had never been one to blatantly apologize. She's always been a bit catty, though never like that before. Still, before the school year ends she (very politely) asks Mazey for a moment of her time.

Mazey, a much kinder person, agrees and they step aside somewhere a little more private. (For however brief a time it was, Mazey did feel what the rage from that shatter star felt like. It's a large factor in her giving Ivy this chance.)

Ivy, as much as it visibly pained her to say the actual word sorry initially, does genuinely apologize. She's blut about it, and doesn't shy away in the least from the acknowledgement of how fucked up the things she said were.

They talk for a bit, and while it's hard to imagine they may ever be friends, both girls leave the conversation feeling closure on the topic.

Mazey ends up talking to Fabian about it, so of course the Bad Kids know.

Oisin talks briefly with Fabian Seacaster one day, extending an apology for the damages to him home, and passes along information so Oisin can ensure financial compensation is had.

The apology to Fabian is appreciated, but talking about it later the Bad Kids hone in on the fact that Oisin hasn't spoken to Adaine even once, to apologize for the taunt he's sent her or for-

Adaine abruptly says she doesn't want to talk about it, and ignores the fact that he exists entirely.

Oisin doesn't talk to them once the rest of Junior Year, even tho the rest of his team does. The Bad Kids think him a coward, and while Oisin would agree with them, the Rat Grinders look at each other with tight lips.

.

.

.

Oisin struggles greatly with his actions. He had been, essentially, Kipperlily's right hand. His magic had allowed Kipperlily access into, and away from, the Bad Kids Last Stand where she had killed Buddy. (They do not know where he is, but they've sworn to each other to find him.) His magic had laid the trap in Seacaster Manor, his summoning calling the Nightmare King Storm and his relatives who swarmed a house-boat filled with innocents.

Jawbone does help them get an actual accredited therapist, which is something Oisin feels great relief about, as it makes it easier to talk about some aspects of his time under the shatter-star.

.

.

Like the fact that prior to all this, he did have a very genuine crush on Adaine Abernant.

.

.

.

How couldn't he? She was beautiful yes, stunningly so, but more importantly she was smarter than a whip and a phenomenal wizard, unafraid to get her hands dirty. Even as short, scrawny dragonborn with glasses that felt too big for his snout at the time, he'd held the girl in very high esteem.

Oh he'd never ever dare to talk to her, for all that his friends may have once tried to encourage it during freshman year. He'd known even then that the elven girl was far out of his league.

While he wasn't a true dragon, Oisin's family had strong blood ties still, and the bleed over was still strong. Strength was important to them, and fighting the other was the first step in courtships between Dragons for a large variety of reasons. He'd been so scrawny, and a untested young wizard to boot, that he couldn't fathom ever being strong enough to match up to a girl like her. He's certainly endured enough scrutiny for his lack of battle prowess at home.

So no, Oisin hadn't thought that he would ever be a good match for such a girl, but he could hoard tender feelings about her in his chest, and nobody could do or say anything about it. At most he would endure some playful teasing at the time but he'd always reassure his friends it was alright.

"Not every unrequited love is bitter." Oisin told them once, smiling softly as he pulled his eyes away from where Adaine was walking to join her friends for lunch further out in the quad. "Statistically, high school romances don't work out. This is just...an equation that doesn't result in a positive answer. No use being angry at the numbers, the math won't change." He says.

Lucy had frowned, "Life isn't a math question Oisin."

"Yes it is," Oisin's responded, "it's just one of the unsolvable ones." His grin turned into a yelp when Ivy had dragged him down to try to noogie him, and they had all laughed and left the topic alone.

.

.

.

When he had first been raged out, he hadn't felt bitter. He felt strong and powerful and didn't need the distractions. But when Adaine had spotted him at the party to talk, after he'd grown tall and bulked out from the hours pumping iron to burn off the excess anger-

She only noticed him when he'd already been on his way to hell. That's when he started feeling bitter.

.

.

.

Oisin has so many complicated emotions and guilts eating away at him. He desperately wants to apologize to Adaine Abernant, to lay his heart bare so she may deliver his due judgement and strike true.

But more than anything, he needs to sort himself out first. He would not risk apologizing, not when his heart still ached, not when anyone could possibly notice and decide his apology was motivated by selfish wants instead of true remorse.

So Oisin does not speak to any of them the rest of that year or over the summer, even as the others will tag along with Lucy and Mary Ann sometimes to join the Bad Kids for an afternoon. He goes to therapy, reads self books, and painstakingly does his best to bleed the love for Adaine Abernant out of his heart. He knew the statistics when he fell in love, he'd have to do this one day or another.

Finally, first day of Senior Year, Oisin follows his party to where the remaining Bad Kids are.

He's spotted immediately, he knows because Riz Gukgak goes tense and starts furiously whispering, the Bad Kids exchange hushed words Oisin is too far to hear, but Adaine Abernant meets his gaze for a long moment.

Then she turns and leaves.

Oisin isn't surprised, but he does watch her leave for perhaps longer than he should have, before quickening his steps to catch up with the others.

The Bad Kids, as alright as they are with the others, glare at Oisin. Ivy beside him is tense, but bumping his tail against the back of her calves is his way of telling her this is alright.

He gives brief apologies, for the storm and those of his family who had attacked them all on his request.

Then, he quietly asks them to pass on a message to Adaine.

"I would like to apologize to her but-" He clears his throat under the pressure of the glares he's receiving. "If she doesn't want to hear it I understand completely."

Oisin doesn't give much time for a response, dipping his head and giving a quick goodbye as he prepared to go find his locker before classes.

"Oisin-" Lucy calls as he starts stepping away from the group.

"It's alright," Oisin murmers, thinking back to a warm fall day in the quad during freshman year. "I already knew the outcome of this equation."

"Life's not a fucking math problem, love." Ivy says, arms crossed defensively. Nobody else talks, and Oisin can feel the glares of the Bad Kids burning into his scales.

"Yes it is," he reminds them. "It's just a messy, unsolvable one." Oisin's smile is soft and tired. It is the smile of a man who's been resigned to his fate his whole life.

He'd always knew he'd never been or would ever be worth even a moment of the beautiful, amazing Elven Oracle's time.

He'd run the math, and it was no use being mad at numbers that wouldn't change.

Oisin turned and left.

[mokokone]

A/n: I initially wrote this because I'm excited for the Mononoke movie (2024), and seeing that there aren't many Medicine Seller x Reader fanfics out there, I decided to contribute and dedicate my Tumblr to the case. I'm a big fan of this series, and Kusuriuri deserves more love, so enjoy!♡

His Wife! [The Medicine Seller x Fem!Reader]

It was the middle of the day with the weather being surprisingly bliss, despite the downpour a few nights before.

The smell of the wildflowers and forest in the air combined with the warmth of the sun's rays was enough to make the Medicine Seller considered laying down for a quick doze in the soft grass.

However, he had to continue on and get the nearest village before sundown.

The wooden clogs of his geta sauntered along the dirt path. Thankfully, the path leading towards the village was nothing but a leisurely stroll, which he wanted to take the time to enjoy before reaching his destination.

No need to rush. It seems like a good time as any to squeeze in a leisurely walk.

The thicket of bamboo on either side of the path made for some good shade, while still maintaining a warm brightness that he wanted so bad to bask in.

How peaceful, the Medicine Seller thought to himself whilst enjoying the gentle chirping of birds in the branches above, singing about and communicating with others of their kin.

It would sure be nice to live out in the countryside and be able to enjoy peaceful evenings like this, without the loud hustle and bustle that large and over populated areas would bring.

Briefly, it led his mind to the love-inducing assumption that he might consider living in the country if he ever decided to move there with his w─

"Otto, please wait for me!”

The female voice shook the aforementioned man out of his daydream as Kusuriuri halted in his steps.

Was he even walking fast?

A mix of jasmine, lemon, and tea leaves quickly enveloped his senses, and a telltale feeling of warmth spread throughout his body—which had his heart drumming within his ribcage.

Slowly, blue eyes glanced back just as a young maiden with (s/c) colored skin hastened after him. She had (short/medium/long) (h/c) hair and beautiful (e/c) eyes. She wore a (f/c) yukata designed with floral patterns and she appeared to be the same age as Kayo-chan.

Kusuriuri watched as a look of delight washed over her upon seeing that he did stop and wait for her and a flustered smile crossed her lips as she picked up the pace to get to him.

Normally, he would've ignore her and kept on walking—only with the intent to tease her, which he knew would irritated her to no end.

A sly smile grazed his painted lips as the young woman finally caught up to him. Kusuriuri hadn't even noticed the extra prep in his step and had forgotten he didn't have the weight on his back from carrying his kusuri-bako (medicine box), since a certain someone wanted to carry it for him.

Hmm, perhaps he was walking fast?

"Do you want me to carry it?" He asks, gesturing towards the large wooden box on her back, which contained his wares.

"No, I'm good. Thank you, Otto," she beams him a loving smile.

Ah yes, Otto, meaning "husband" is what she likes to calls him─since he's just a humble medicine peddler and had no specific name, which is why he goes by Kusuriuri. 

Normally, he would've chided her about the honorific, but it has become a constant reminder that he's indeed her husband.

Regardless, he would occasionally call her Okusan (wife), a clear sign of his public affection, whereas she would call him "goshujin-sama" during their most private and intimate moments.

Her name's (Y/n), and she is his wife. Kusuriuri found himself in a situation where he had no one to blame but himself for this illicit arrangement through en-musubi, which means "binding of fates". It was all due to the omamori he had gifted her, a small token that unknowingly sealed their destinies together.

For the young woman, she understood. Had known from the start when she'd first laid eyes on the Medicine Seller, that she was going to be part of his life. Despite the dangers of traveling with him to rid the world of deadly and troublesome Mononoke, she was still willing. She felt a connection with him that transcended words, a bond that made her feel like she belonged by his side, no matter what challenges they may face together.

And besides, traveling alone and fighting evil mononoke alone must get very tiresome.

“My love, if you're tired, then perhaps we should stop and rest?"

It's such a lovely day out, so why not enjoy it.

The sun is shining brightly in the clear blue sky, casting a warm glow over everything it touches. The gentle breeze rustles through the leaves, creating a soothing melody that seems to lull one into a state of peaceful relaxation

However, despite the temptation to take a load off, (Y/n) persists.

"It's okay, don't worry. Besides we're almost to the village." She says.

Always the one to carry on, I see? Kusuriuri muses, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Very well," he nods. "Let us carry on," He says and continued on the path to the village, this time keeping a steady pace so his wife could walk beside him.

Momentarily, the feeling of walking beside her husband wasn’t enough for (Y/n) as she hesitantly glanced down at his free hand that wasn't tucked inside his kimono. It was mere inches apart from her own and the desire to hold it was overwhelming.

“Do you wish to hold my hand?”

(Y/n) almost felt her heart leap when she looked up and saw Kusuriuri's intense stare pinned her.

Silly wife had been caught by her eponymous husband.

Kusuriuri watched in adoration as a cute blush colored her cheeks as she shyly averted her gaze at the dusty trail. A swarm of butterflies immediately assaulted the young woman's stomach at that.

They had done things much more lewd things other than holding hands, but for some reason, the mere question served to fluster the (h/c) haired girl.

The first time she felt flustered was when he had agreed to be her husband, but to have the simplest and most innocent of questions be the catalyst to making her heart pound was silly.

Slowly, (Y/n) reached out and slid her hand into her lover's palm. His hand felt rough in hers, no doubt from always mixing herbs to make incense, wielding his Tama sword, and casting tailsman. Despite the slight feel of his long, painted nails, she couldn’t deny the fact that it made her feel safe.

Kusuriuri may have come off as erratic and weird, but his touch was warm and comforting—like a warm fire during a bone-chilling winter's day.

And so, their walk was spent in relative silence, the only interruption being the soft rustle of leaves in the gentle breeze and the crunch of gravel beneath their feet.

As they crested the final hill, their destination came into view. Their hands remained intertwined, (Y/n) finding comfort in the warmth of her lover's touch, while he gently squeezed her hand in reassurance.

She found herself unconsciously leaning into him, her head resting against his shoulder, being ever-grateful for moments like this when they could simply enjoy each other's company in peaceful companionship.

So in love she is. To be next to her husband.

Her beloved Medicine Seller.

Her truth!

The silence between them was thick, but not awkward. It was relaxing, like a small solace in the chaotic world that they lived in.

Kusuriuri shamelessly ogled his young wife. His eyes ran over her distinctly delicate features: the slight upward tilt of her eyes, the high arches of her cheek bones, her cute nose, and those kissable-soft lips of hers.

"Okusan?"

"Yes Otto?"

"Do you still find me interesting?" He asked her.

"Of course I do. You'll always be interesting and I'll never grow bored of you."

Her answer and loving smile was enough to knock the wind out of him. It was so radiant in itself that he felt himself returning her expression with a milder one of his own.

And it was at that moment that he realized just how much he actually enjoys her.

His lovely wife.

[inner-viper]

Sex life before having children vs. after having children (Mini Ver.)

Hello, WILL BE DOING LIVE TAROT READINGS ON TIKTOK AT 6pm EST TODAY (4/3/2024). PLEASE JOIN IF INTERESTED

@innerviper on TIKTOK

Will be answering free yes/no for the beginning. You can check out the prices on here! https://innerviper.com/products/live-tiktok-readings

Trigger Warnings for all piles.

Pile 1

This pile has heavy energy in their sex life prior to having children. It’s like your sex life will go through tremendous changes. There is a dark energy in this pile, you may be inclined to darker sexual kinks. You both enjoy having fun with playing with pushing it, it’s a bit complicated because it doesn’t seem like you believe it’s extreme but to others it is. Anyways, the focus on your sex life is to explore heavy burdens that you may have once held onto. This pile could roleplay CNC.

Overall, you both look for answers in each other. This tends to happen when you have sex with them, you both enjoy exploring the different aspects of each other. There will be moments where you both are angry with each other and will take it out on each other but then makeup. There is a lot of arguing and make-up sex. Some people in this pile can have depression and you have sex to relieve yourself from past heartbreaks. Lastly, there seems to be a strong theme of letting yourself be lost in someone that you may not enjoy being with.

Now for when you have children, there will be a contrast in the connection. It seems like it becomes more deeply connected because of your relationship with your children and partner. There is this general energy of wanting to have fun but seriously passionate sex, it will start to become more “vanilla” because of time constraints, it will be difficult at first when you both have children. Overall, your sex life is not bad just difficult to maintain.

Pile 2

Prior to having sex you will be having a lot of steamy adventures that are kind of risky. It’s like you both like the thrill of it all and how the excitement rules you both up. There will be a few times where you want to feel like there is a strong shift in dynamics. Some days you guys will feel like being softer rather than rough.

Overall, there is something’s that you both will keep secret because of how taboo it is to delve into certain things. You both will share a lot of similar kinks and interests in general. Sex does seem to be an important part of this connection for the both of you. You both may have even discussed of potential threesomes, and fantasies that you will want to make come true.

Now for when you children, the shift is stark because you guys started to settle down. There seems to be a sense of missing some of the risks you guys took but because you have children, it has become more difficult to maintain that. You both will continue to have an amazing sex life though, it’s like you both manage to find some time to be together.

Overall, your sex life has not diminished but it will have its ups and downs. Some months you both will not be able to maintain long sessions because of work, and children. You both take your responsibilities seriously and you both don’t get lost in sex at all. Although, in the beginning of the relationship it may have been an obsession or hyper fixation. I am seeing graphs that go up and down!

Pile 3

Carrying many things will be hard to make this relationship begin in their sex life. It’s like either one of you carry some weight regarding your sexuality. I feel like you both will take things slow and let things flow naturally. There is a sense of not wanting to emotionally connect but connections emotionally. There is a conflict in feelings and of the mind. Your sex life is important to the both of you but there is troubles in the beginning.

It seems to progress positively but slowly. When you both have sex, its like two people coming into one. There will be an act of self exploration, you both will venture into things that you may have been interested in but shy away because of stigma surrounding it. There could be shame surrounding you at times, but the more you grow older and confident in yourself, is when it starts to calm down.

Now after you have children, your sex life will be on pause until you feel like you are ready to get active. This may happen for months but I am sensing that you have limited energy and you try to conserve it. It’s like your children took away all of your remaining energy. It will be difficult to get back on track, but with the right support and with the help of those around you. It will become better and you will focus on building a relationship with yourself again. It’s important to not get lost in someone else.

There will be a time where you will have the resources to not worry. It’s not like you are alone in this relationship. When you both manage to take care of things, your sex life becomes cute? Honestly, it’s like having your first time again but even better than before. You both will not be afraid to express yourselves and will take control to keep the spark alive in the bedroom. Overall, it will be amazing and a beautiful journey.

[jinkicake]

Stuck in the Middle

You’re stuck between him and a hard place.

Childe, Ayato, Thoma, Tighnari x Reader

A/N: im not going to post much this weekend but i hope to post more leading up to valentines day!!! @stellakito, im sorry but I didn’t have it in me to write for zhongli this week but i will try again soon! 

SEMI-SMUTTY

WC - 2k

~~~

Childe

“If you don’t let me out of here, Childe, I swear to every Archon-” 

The rest of your threat is muffled under a large gloved hand. Your efforts to squirm out of this compromising position, being sandwiched between Childe and a wall, are futile due to the Harbinger’s strength. It annoys you to no end, his muscular body pressed against your backside pisses you off to no end.

“Now don’t swear in vain, sweetheart,” His laugh is quiet and light, almost like a whisper that only the two of you can hear. “I promise to let you out when they leave.”

“When who leaves?” You try to wrack your brain for anything but, you can’t think of anything Childe would want. While working as a hostess inside the Xinyue Kisok, you’ve had the unfortunate pleasure to meet the Harbinger on multiple occasions. Now, it’s like you can’t get rid of him at all. 

There isn’t a single guest you can think of that he would want to spy on today, if that’s the reason he’s even here. 

“Director, please don’t swallow your crystal shrimp in one bite-”

“If I choke then you can save me with the adeptal powers I know you have, Zhongli!”

You glance back at Childe and roll your eyes. Perhaps if he’s looking for information about the Wangsheng Funeral Parol then he’s lucky but, you don’t think that’s the case. 

“Are we stuck here because you made an error in your judgment?” You harshly whisper at him, nearly wanting to bite him when he leans forward to rest his chin on your shoulder. 

“You could say that,” He grins and, because of it, you don’t believe him in the slightest. You’ll let him get his worthless information and he’ll leave some mora in your pocket, that’s how this always goes. 

In the forefront of your mind, you hope that these two clients finish their meals quickly and leave.

“Don’t be so tense, girlie,” Childe’s low voice in your ear makes it hard to maintain your regular breath. “what’s got you so nervous?” You can only watch as his hands that were once pinned to the wall migrate to your hips. The moment he squeezes your sides, your breath hitches in your throat. “Calm down, okay? Can you do that for me?”

Much to your own disbelief, you nod almost immediately and too obediently for your own tastes. Childe knows exactly how to get what he wants using that voice and you hate it. His dangerously light tone always has a way with you and is the sole reason he is able to convince you time and time again to let him listen in on private dinners. 

“Hmm, look at that, you’re listening so well.” His laughter returns once again as his hand dips across your hipbone to rest on your inner thigh. The smooth stroke of his fingers, up and down, gliding over the fabric of your skirt makes you start to tremble. “I think I’ll give you an additional reward today for your good behavior.”

Kamisato Ayato

“Oh, hello dearest,” It’s hard to take Ayato seriously as he stares down at you. His gaze holds a certain fondness, tenderness that makes you believe you hung all the stars in his night sky. Your husband is truly a sweet man. 

He’s also one of the most insufferable people you’ve ever met on this planet. 

But, your heart is still heavy and full of love for him. 

“What are you doing here?” You’re lucky that the sun is just setting and there is still light in the room. If not, you wouldn’t have been able to see the ridiculous appearance of your husband hiding under your covers. He’s bracing his weight with his forearms placed on either side of your head but, he’s still close enough that you can feel his body heat transferring through your clothes. “Who are you hiding from?”

That was the better question to ask, you can tell by the small quirk of his lips. 

Ayato sighs and the noise sounds full of guilt. 

“It’s Itto, my dear, he’s in the courtyard demanding another battle with the poor onikabuto.” He genuinely seems worn out. “This is the third time in the last five days he has come by and I just don’t have the heart to push him away.”

“Well, at least he won’t come looking for you in my room,” You smile and gently pat Ayato’s cheek. “so you may leave my comfy bed now.” Your suggestion nearly makes the man scowl.

“Why would I do that? I would be a fool to leave now when you look so,” Ayato pauses and chooses his next word carefully, you would be the fool to not notice how he is dragging his eyes down your body. “relaxed.” 

His cool hand finds your bare thigh in no time at all and he immediately begins to stroke your soft skin with the pads of his fingertips. 

“That’s not going to work on me tonight,” You roll your eyes now and try to ignore how he lowers his large body over yours now, his face now resting against your throat. Ayato presses gentle kisses against your neck, heavy peck after heavy peck. The sensitivity makes your thighs twitch. 

“And why is that?” He murmurs and the sound makes you clench your fingers tighter around the book in your hands. 

“Because I’m trying to read!” It’s getting harder and harder to focus on the scenes now, you can barely follow along with the dialogue. The image painted in your head of the chapter is almost gone. 

“I’m so sorry,” Your husband coos but you can tell he doesn’t feel bad in the least, not when he’s getting to feel you up like this. If he could choose, Ayato would spend the rest of his life between your plush thighs. They’re all he can ever think about. “let me prove to you how much better I am than that light novel. You’ll let me, won’t you, dear?”

The scene painted in your head is now gone. The book is now long gone and thrown onto the floor somewhere outside of your warm duvet. You would never pass up Ayato’s touch, never. 

Thoma

Divine Raiden Shogun who rules over Inzauma, please make this stop-

Thoma can barely breathe, he can’t think or focus. His entire body is nearly trembling and it does not help, in the least, that you’re squirming above him in his lap. The housekeeper knows that if he opens his eyes again then he’ll see you, frustrated frown and all, as you try to figure out a way out of the wooden box you both got stuffed in. 

“Was this really their best idea to ambush and capture a group of Nobushi and treasure hoarders?” You sound irritated and Thoma knows that with your temper, you will not last long in such a tight space. He deeply regrets taking this commission.

If your image of him changes in any way due to this unforeseen circumstance, he might just cry. 

“Thoma, how long until we get there? We’ve been traveling for fifteen minutes already!” Given that the two of you were just loaded onto a cart to be delivered to the treasure hoard camp on the other side of the island, Thoma knows you’ll be stuck here for at least another hour or two. “Are you sleeping? Wake up,” At the quick jolt of your core against his throbbing length stuffed tightly into his boxers, Thoma sits up and lurches due to the pain. Your thighs tightening around his waist is not helping the situation at all and in no time, he’s sure something regrettable is going to happen soon.

“(Y/N), please-” Thoma braces himself by putting his soft hands on the tops of your thighs and he nearly passes out at the feeling of your soft skin revealed under your short kimono. His fingers dully dig into your flesh and he leans back against the wooden box slightly. “Forgive me but, I’m just a man.” 

“What are you talking about?” From the way your eyes at narrowing at him, you’re no doubt annoyed by this. Thoma gulps down the rest of his nerves before continuing. 

“I-I’m so sorry but, I can’t help it. We are in such close proximity in a very tight space, it’s entirely my fault but please don’t think any less of me-”

His words cut off with a moan as you purposely roll your lightly clothed core against his baggy pants. 

“If you’re talking about that then I’ve been aware of your big problem since,” You take a moment to count your fingers and Thoma’s thighs almost start to quiver. “like a minute after we got shoved into this box.”

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry,” The housekeeper can’t think of anything to do but apologize. Over and over he will do so until he has your forgiveness. “don’t think much of it. It’s a small problem.”

For a reason he doesn’t understand, your lips curl up at his humbleness. 

“Thoma,” You coo and lean forward so that your face is mere inches away from his own. The blonde stares down at your lips and does not attempt to hide it in the slightest. “this problem is anything but small.”

Tighnari 

“How could this have happened? This is it for us, isn’t it?”

“Calm down.” Tighnari roughly snaps you out of your panic and his voice, filled with irritation, does little to slow your rapidly beating heart. It’s only been a handful of minutes since the two of you got sandwiched between two very large and very heavy bookshelves. 

“I’m never studying with you again!” You have half a mind to push the books out and try to crawl through the space of the shelf but, you know that not even a child could fit through there.

“Well, maybe if you didn’t try to close the bookshelves on me then we wouldn’t be in this mess!” Beneath his gloves, Tighnari clutches the wood of the strong shelves. “What were you thinking? And how could you have gotten stuck too?!”

“I didn’t think it would close so quickly!” You whine and can only wish that you were stuck on the opposite end of the bookcase instead of pressed up against your (one-sided) academic rival. 

Tighnari considers it to be a simple rivalry, not at all academic. 

“Cyno should be here soon since he invited us out to dinner. We just need to wait until then.” The student says this so matter-of-factly that it makes you roll your eyes. Why did Cyno have to invite him of all people to join you for a meal?

“What should we do until then?” You can’t hide your curiosity and perhaps if you could have seen Tighnari’s face, you would have noticed the hidden glint in his eyes. The way he’s staring at you so heavily, his pent-up frustration in his chest starting to get the better of him. He can’t stand you.

“You can think for once about what you did.”

“What I did?” You shriek and the sound pierces Tighnari’s sensitive ears. He flinches, wincing in pain before doubling over and leaning heavier against you. His hands now brace his weight against the shelves as he tries to get the ringing out of his ears. 

“Must you be so loud?” He grits his teeth in frustration, breath now fanning against the crook of your neck. “Your voice hurts.” 

The painful moan that leaves his lips causes your own ears to perk up. You’re fully aware of him now and begin to shift on the tips of your toes. The action is brief but, it’s powerful enough to make the man behind you hiss. 

“Stop moving,” Tighnari snaps but, you find it hard to take him seriously. Listening to him is nearly impossible to do as you press your thighs together in search of relief. 

Maybe if you could just push him a little further-

Much to your delight, all it takes is a simple roll of your hips to make his restraint snap. Almost like a knee-jerking reaction, the instant he feels the pressure from your backside, Tighnari grabs your hips and pins you still. He holds you in place as his own hips begin to rock on their own accord, it’s as if his restraint vanished into thin fucking air. 

Hmm, it’s not like you could do anything about it. 

[icarusredwings]

I know it's like 10 in the morning, but I can't stop thinking about Wade still being a massive flirt at the mansion. No staff is safe.

So I have this oc insert, right? (Similar to Carly), except her power is that she can absorb energy forms and nutrients in order to heal others by giving their bodies what they need to quicken the healing process. She can fix papercuts in 2 seconds and gashes that are less than 1 inch deep and 3 inches wide within 30 seconds, 6 inches a minute, and so on. The deeper it is, the longer it takes because that's multiple layers of replenishing. (She can't regrow your leg but if you get shot or stabbed she can probably fix you up in a couple of minutes)

You'll still have a scar, but at least you'll be okay, and you won't hurt for long. Her mutation bassically allows her to reporoduce healthy cells, not by replacing them but rather giving them what they need to heal themselves. This applies to burns, brusies, some diseases, and spotted infections, meaning a certain someone is in her office often.

A bit too often...

Now.. keep in mind that because of her powers, her weight fluctuates quickly depending on how much she uses it (COUGH kinda like fatgum COUGH) if you get my drift so sometimes her clothes are too tight or too loose for her. Realitivly (and for the ladies 😌 I got you lesbians!! I see you!) Her body is "thicker" as one would say seeing as she needs to store this energy for emergencys.

I just imagine Wade coming to bug this poor woman, jumping up on the table like, "I got a booboo 😁 can you fix it? You ARE the school nurse, right?"

She asks where and he's like "Well. You know. Down. No, down. Double down."

Until she just blinks at him all fed up like

What's even funnier is that she's hard of hearing so when he first came to flirt with her after meeting her she just stared at him dumfound as he goes through all the lanauges he knows before taking it as a challenge, so now most days when she hears him coming she either pretends she can't hear him or takes her hearing aids out.

Which is really funny because it gets to a point where she's just sitting here eating a sandwich and Wades trying his damndest to flirt in broken Portuguese.... Last week was Russian. What's even worse is that she was born and raised in the US, and her first language is English.

Warning: Sad under here but also funny.

Tw: Eating problems, Wade talks about being underweight, cancers a bitch.

I always thought about Wade and how his body is too big for someone who is experiencing cancer 24/7. How his muscle is even made of cancer cells, and I wonder about his joints, if the cartilage between there and the fat within the muscle/tendons/ skin too?

@bougiebutchbitch made me think about it with scientific cancer talking. Blame them for your sad not me /jk give me all the credit for the sad, I love being known as "That one guy who writes really sad shit but its so fucking good" anyway-

Eventually, he starts telling her stuff that would concern most people, that he wouldnt dare tell his friends because its too vaunerable, thinks he doesn't even want to tell Logan because he physically NEEDS to talk to someone but is too afraid. And seeing as he assumes she doesn't understand him what so ever, tells her stuff like how he's trying really hard to keep his weight maintained, but he just CAN'T keep anything down or in him long enough. It's like the moment something is in his gut, the cancer takes every ounce, and immediately, he's starving again, feeling malnourished, and as if he didn't eat at all.

And while Logan doesn't judge him for it, he's gotten various comments about it before. That he eats too much, that he eats too little, that people can feel his ribs, how they "didn't think he'd be this thin" how his strength "dosn't match his body." And it's something he can't really do anything about, but now they're at the mansion, so he's getting meals, a lot of them, but now Logan is wanting him to gain some weight. But he can't. He's trying so hard, and he just... cant. Between the involuntary vomiting induced by the nausea that comes along with stomach and throat cancers, it's a miracle his ribs aren't visible anymore.

"Im used to starving- thats not the point. I starved as a kid, starved in the army, starved as an adult. I've been there, done that, but this place always has so much food, and the kids in Remy's class work so hard to make it, but -" He choked up, making a whining sound. "It's not that I don't want too.. I swear.. I just... can't. I never could. By rights my metabolism should be dead, but it just never stops."

By now, he's fingering at his pants, gripping his jeans, and is semi hunched over, trying not to cry in front of her. He has no clue why he's telling her this, actually. Maybe for sympathy? Maybe because he thinks she could fix him? Or maybe because he knew she wouldn't say anything in return. Either way, he's trying to keep the tears where they belong, but they're being disobedient. Wiping them, he figures fuck it and keeps going.

"I just don't.. I don't want him to be disappointed in me. He loves me so much, and I know that. Sure, deep down, I wonder why, but what if.. what if he doesn't? What if he leaves because I can't because I'll look like this forever? It's not my fault. I can't do anything about it - I... I don't want him to think i'm not trying... because I am trying. Really hard.." He sniffles and notices that she's looking at him, quickly making a joke. "Heh.. you don't have a problem like that, though, do you?"

Wordlessly, she puts her hand on his stomach, looking away as she tries to at least help for today. It wouldn't last. It never did for him. She couldn't "cure cancer" but she could replace this areas cells with new ones so it would take longer for the other cells to infect them. If she could temporarily give him relief enough to eat something and be proud about it? (Just enough to stop his whining?) That would be good use of her energy.

At first, he flinches, thinking she's had enough of him and now is smacking him away only to pause, feeling odd on the inside. "What the hell are you do- Wait a second, you understand me!?"

As a ploy, she shakes her head, only to instantly regret it when he gasps. "You do!! Why didn't you tell me!?"

So, by helping a coworker with an upset tummy, she now suffers the fact that he now KNOWS she understands him and blabs about anything and everything to her. He finds it comforting because she does the same thing that Logan used to do before they started dating. He would act like he's ignoring him but heard and litsened to every word.

If Logan is busy, this is where he spends his lunch, in the nurses office like a chump who can't make friends at any other table, yapping to her about his kids and their progress, telling her the plot to my little pony, complaining that puppins threw up on his pillow today, giggling because next week is his and Logan's first anniversary and hes so nervous about it but he planned this big thing.

She dosn't say a word, letting him rant, responding with head tilts, shrugs, nods and shakes of her head.

"Wait- are you even litsening?"

She nods.

"Why don't you talk?"

"...."

"Can you talk??"

She nods again.

"Do you just not like to talk?"

A shrug.

"It's probably because she's tired of you harassing her."

Wade gasps and squeals happily the way he does every single time Logan came to "deal with him" when he was being disruptive to someone else's work.

"Why are you in here again? Leave that poor woman to her work before she puts a restraining order on you" He teases.

"Oh come on. Ciara, tell him that you love it. Our little talks, yeah? Theyre the highlight of your day?"

"The highlight of my day is when you leave." This is the first sentence she says to him. He gasps drimatically with his hand on his chest, offended. "Oh NOW you can talk!??"

A nod.

"*Bunny fuckin' bitch.." he grumbles as Logan takes him away.

"Cancercock...." She mutters back.

Logan stifles a laugh, looking away from Wade's dropped jaw. "I TOLD YOU THAT IN SECRET!!"

*If you made it this far, congrats! He calls her this because Jackrabbit's (Her daughter Cherri Harper) father is a is a rabbit mutant. She's of Deer mutant descent, which is how she gets her tail and abnormal ears Fawn (Ciara Garcia) has Waardenburg syndrome, which causes her deafness, loss of pigmentation in hair skin and eyes, and her arm growth adnormalities.

[scarybabe]

After 300, what’s your next goal?

no more goals 🥳🥳🥳

I’m a very goal oriented person so it made the most sense at the time to make big goals for my weight gain, but after having weight gain/loss goals díctate my whole life for literally over 7 years, I can’t wait to just exist without weighing myself and hoping for a certain number.

First time I gained weight, by the time I hit 185 I was SO burnt out (it took a lot of effort and I did not have a feeder) I went straight to weight loss, and even though my goals started pretty modest they spiraled out and became a source of constant strife for me. even though I was able to maintain a low weight for ~3 years, it was never enough.

Truthfully I DO feel “enough” at my current size. If I could snap my fingers and gain 50-100 lbs I would in a heartbeat but I’m exhausted of weighing myself, being frustrated at my body for resisting change, and punishing myself for not being able to make my body bend to my will. In that aspect, goal-oriented weight gain occupies a similar mental space as when I struggled with a restrictive ED despite being totally happy with my current body shape and size.

I’m SO close to 300 lbs and I love my body, I’m happy with my appearance but I want to improve my physical strength and focus on my happiness/sustainability of this lifestyle versus pushing myself (often to the point of feeling physically sick) to see a number on the scale that is honestly arbitrary because at my weight, big fluctuations are normal (hello 💩??).

7 YEARS IS A LONG TIME to constantly be trying to change my size/shape and not be able to just exist without affirming myself on a scale. Can’t wait to just be chill and happy with my body the way it is for the first time in what feels like forever and continue to enjoy my kink. I can’t help but envy other popular feedees who don’t have weight gain goals and are just along for the ride - while I don’t have any regrets I feel like if I had gone that route I would be way happier and less stressed.

[notanothermacdennisblog]

i gotta talk about frank v russia cuz i was rewatching it again and whoever said it was a fever dream of an episode is so right, there's just so many implications to dissect i didn't catch them all at first.

the beginning of the episode sets up dennis's motivation to pass the effort of helping everyone around him onto someone else... by him putting an enormous amount of effort into finding normal dates and teaching mac and dee to be normal enough to hold onto normal people (i can't imagine how this would keep mac and dee from bothering him tho cuz they'd just come back to him asking for more relationship help, dating a normal person doesn't make relationship issues go away). the enthusiasm he shows when checking in with them after the dates shows this amount of effort was worth it to him. one could argue it's because deep down he cares about their growth, he mistakenly thinks this will get them to leave him alone, or that he's attracted to the thrill of the ruse. mayb it's some combination of all three, but given that he could have always just ignored them or left, to me his hard on for control and deception points to the latter for the most part.

which further explains his flimsy justification of catfishing mac just to "get him out of the apartment." like if that was his sole goal there's a million other ways to accomplish that. ways that don't include: creating a profile guaranteed to get mac to match with him, chatting long enough to establish an emotional bond (altho that's not the hard part when mac falls for anybody who shows him a modicum of affection), and buying and sending him remote controlled anal beads as some sort of complicated signal system when simply texting "meet me at the motel" would suffice.

we're talking about a man who started a cult just to get mac to stop eating his thin mints. who drugged mac with diet pills, convincing him they were "size pills" just because he was unhappy with mac's weight gain. the exploitation of mac's body dysmorphia serves not only as a means of keeping his self esteem in check so he's more easily pliable ("you've been looking so sexy, so this... this is disappointing, at least to me" in ass kickers united; "mac did you gain some weight?" at the end of the gang makes paddy's great again), but also to mold him into an idealized physique that he's attracted to, and the unnecessary inclusion of anal beads in this ploy is the logical conclusion of obsessing over mac's appearance.

it was never just about getting the apartment to himself, or even just seizing an opportunity to manipulate, even if those both played a role. there's just no heterosexual explanation for the full extent of what this episode is implying.

so it still seems odd that dennis would want to sabotage a system that was working in his favor logistically and emotionally, essentially giving up the thrill (and safety) of inhabiting another man's skin in order to admit things he could never feel secure enough to admit even to himself. was johnny becoming too difficult to maintain? maybe dennis was motivated to pass mac onto someone else because he was running into a wall trying to figure out how to keep mac interested while avoiding the obvious issue of meeting in person. an effort to self sabotage when things started to get too close for comfort, when he could feel a certain loss of control.

the "johnny doesn't love you, he doesn't even like you" was enough to send me reeling that it was too easy for me to pass over all of this the first time, what a red herring. there's not another man as toxically obsessed w his roommate/work husband in crime/life terry mac as dennis is, while also being so self-deluded he has to make up half-assed excuses just to convince himself this is normal behavior.