#or at least they WOULD be bright if tumblr didn't HATE ME

[kissagii]

Hopefully it isn't too late 🎨🎨

again... where?? did?? the vibrance??? go???? but the bright pink and orange are the most important to this palette i think

[vxlenst3in]

Drunk!Gojo x fem!reader

!des: gojo drank a little too much and woops. you two ended up in his bed.

wc: 4.3k (my longest one on tumblr yet)

a/n: wrote this like ages ago and thought why not post it as a late birthday post LOL. I honestly didn't read over it again, so if it's bad - oops.

“Geez, you really are a lightweight, huh?” You chuckled out as you listened to Gojo’s confused mumbles. He was only a couple of shots in and already lost his ability to form any sentences. It was quite a sight to watch Satoru Gojo, the strongest sorcerer of his time, get drunk so easily, babbling nonsense, a bright blush covering most of his face. Shoko just glanced over at you two. “Mm’ shutttt…” He answered in an annoyed tone. His arms were hanging down as he was leaning back into the chair, his head was thrown back while he stared at the ceiling.

You have no idea how you even ended up here, considering that only a few days ago Gojo was practically begging you to come along, because he believed that you were a lightweight as well, so he hoped that he wouldn’t be the only one to get drunk that quickly. Even though he hated alcohol, he was really hitting it off tonight. Bottle after bottle of Sake. At first, you were hesitant, but as soon as he mentioned that Shoko and Nanami would be there too, you couldn’t say no anymore.

Nanami had left about an hour ago now, he was very strict about keeping up his sleep schedule. That’s a fact you could never forget about him, ever since you guys met at Jujutsu High about 10 years ago.

Your eyes flicked from Gojo to Shoko as she poured herself another drink. “Let me have another one too!” You say.

- “Still not drunk?” She replied.

- “A bit tipsy, but that’s about it.”

A laugh escaped her mouth while she poured you a drink. You were more of a Whiskey type, while Gojo preferred Sake, whenever he did decide to drink. Your eyes lingered back to Gojo who was now leaning forward to grab another bottle of Sake. Shoko was quick to react, placing the bottle of Sake out of his reach. Getting a pout out of Gojo.

“Awhhhh,” He whined, “Meanieeee~ Y/nnn~~ Say somethin’~” Your eyes widened as he grabbed onto your arm, slightly pulling it in order to get your attention. His hair was a complete mess, no strand of hair was where it was supposed to be. You thought it was rather adorable how he was holding onto your arm like that. You’d be lying to yourself if you said that you didn’t have a crush on him, or at least thought about how he’d look on top of you. Even though you had those thoughts, you never had the time to mention them to him or try to make a move, you were way too busy for all of that. You doubted that he’d even care, considering that he probably has all girls chasing after him, whenever he was not in Jujutsu High.

“Think you’ve had enough, ‘Toru.” You replied. Gojo moved closer to you, still holding onto that arm. He was clinging to you like a cat in heat, rubbing slightly against you. Shoko raised one eyebrow at the sight, before finishing her drink, surprising you. You hadn’t even started drinking yours. “I’ll be taking my leave as well, you’ll be fine?” Shoko said as she put her glass down.

- “Yeah. I don’t know when I’ll get to leave yet, gon’ make sure Satoru is asleep before”

- “Okay.” Her hands were reaching around her, trying to find her coat and bag. A quiet ‘Ah’ escaped her mouth when she found them.

- “Get home safe.” You responded, waving goodbye with your free hand. Shoko just gave you a sweet smile before putting on her coat and checking the pockets to make sure she has everything.

“Byeee Iei-” Hiccup, “-ri.” Gojo responded, now letting go of your arm to wave with both of his hands enthusiastically. Shoko waved back, turning around to walk into the hallway. Shortly after, the click of the front door confirmed that she was gone. Your head was now turned to Gojo who was staring into the dark hallway.

“Shall we get you to bed?” You mentioned, grabbing Gojo’s attention. “Don’t want to sleep…yet.” Another Hiccup. Soft whining left his mouth, basically pleading with the puppy eyes. You chuckled at the sight of him, as you took a few sips from your drink. Normally you hated silence, it was a weird uncomfortable feeling, but right now, you were loving it. The sight of Gojo pleading at you to let him stay up a little longer, while you sip on your Whiskey — hoping that enjoying this last drink wouldn’t cause you any problems later.

This wasn’t like Gojo at all, normally he was always super talkative, confident and flirty in the way he talked to girls. You couldn’t tell if it was because of the alcohol or because of you. The quiet sound of glass hitting wood sounded, as you put your now empty glass on the table. Feeling a little dizzy from the amount of alcohol that you just consumed in such a short amount of time, you decided that it would be best if you went home as well. The only obstacle here was getting Gojo into his bed.

“C’mon now, ‘Toru. You should really sleep, it’s late.” You somewhat repeat. A sigh left Gojo’s mouth, as he unwillingly got up, leaning all of his weight onto you. You tried your hardest to support him, even though you were much smaller than him. Gojo was humming a song while walking with you. You couldn’t guess what song it was, probably just something he had made up in his head. With your free hand, you opened the bedroom door. Gojo swaying left and right next to you, just following you blindly. His eyes were barely open, he could’ve probably fallen asleep while standing. Gojo’s eyes only opened when he felt the bed against him, he hadn’t even realised that you lied him down. “Mhmm… So comfy~” He mumbled while letting his head sink into the pillow. You could finally feel the alcohol from earlier hitting you, dizziness overcoming your head again.

“Sleep well, ‘Toru.” You said while throwing the blanket over him, as you pull it up to his chest you can feel a hand grabbing your wrist. Gojo’s hand. “Hm?” You whisper.

- “Where’s my goodnight kiss?”

- “Good night kiss??!” Your face was now covered in a deep red blush, your legs got weak just at the idea. You weren’t 100% sure if that was what he actually had said, so you decided to wait for confirmation from him. He was drunk, after all, and you didn’t want to take advantage of that. But you could also feel yourself losing more and more control of your mind and actions with each passing second, the Whiskey was starting to get to you.

- “‘M waitin’~” He purred as he pulled on your wrist to get you closer.

Hearing his sweet voice ask that from you got your body burning with heat. You knew if you decided to give in, this night would not end on a ‘Good night kiss’. You knew that if you gave in to this, you’d give in to everything else, every single one of your fantasies, desires, and needs. His gaze was on you, looking you up and down, waiting for your answer. Your eyes met his. Fuck, your eyes met his. The bright blue colour, the dilated pupils, the way he looked at you through his lashes. You knew that he’ll be the death of you someday.

Suddenly you snapped back into reality, remembering his request. Quickly you licked your lips before feeling the nervousness rising in your chest. It wasn’t the first time you had kissed a man, especially not when it comes to those quick kisses. So why? You leaned forward, your face right above his. ‘Just a quick peck on his lips, right?’ You told yourself in your head over and over again, but you couldn’t seem to calm down at all.

One last deep breath, before you leaned down, pressing your lips onto his. You were just about to pull away again and probably die from embarrassment, but only a second later you could feel two big hands cupping your face, pulling you in. His hands were gently squeezing your cheeks as he deepened the kiss. Considering that you weren’t prepared for a kiss longer than a second or two, you ran out of air pretty quick. Gojo wasn’t stupid - no matter how drunk he was, he noticed that you were out of breath and let you pull away, not entirely letting go of your cheeks though. His fingertips were still lingering on your soft skin.

Your lips were only a few inches apart from each other, as you tried to catch your breath you could hear mumbles coming from Gojo.

- “Mm..so soft…more…can’t stop…” He panted, his drunk-tired eyes glancing at your rosy lips.

Before you could realise it, his lips were pressed onto yours again. Instead of the soft kiss you shared before, he decided to be rough with you this time. Still in shock, you decided to just move along, to let him take the lead. Soft pants and groans left Gojo’s mouth. Not pulling away from his lips, you moved the rest of your body onto the bed, you were now on all fours on top of Gojo. His hands wandered from your cheeks down to your waist, tugging at your loose blouse and pulling it up slightly. The soft touch and his cold hands sent shivers down your spine.

In one swift motion, he had you on your back, now underneath him - his lips still on yours. One of his hands was moving up again, pinning your hands above your head, while the other hand remained on your exposed waist. The cool air in Gojo’s bedroom had your body covered in goosebumps. You could feel Gojo’s tongue begging for more at your lips, so without a second thought you granted him access. His tongue immediately started fighting with yours for dominance, the sweet taste of sake mixing with the rather smoky taste of whiskey. The hand that was on your waist slid under your blouse only to feel the soft fabric of your bra, you could hear a quiet chuckle escaping Gojo’s mouth, regardless of your tongues fighting for dominance.

He rested his hand on your bra for a bit, before he pulled away from your lips, a string of saliva connected your mouth with his. Satoru loosened his grip on your pinned up wrists a little, while he unbuttoned your blouse in only a few seconds. His eyes scanned your entire upper body.

- “So.. fuckin’ gorgeous~” He exhaled. You could see the excitement in his eyes. His words sent another shiver down your spine, as your face lit up.

Gojo’s hand finally let go of your wrists, pulling off the blouse before you could even realise it. You lied there like a starfish, not being quite sure where to put your hands or what to do, but Gojo didn’t seem to mind. He was enjoying every second of this, of being able to admire your perfect body, being able to run his hands up and down your body without you saying a word, only sweet whimpers leaving your mouth. Music to his ears. Before even letting you think again, he slid a hand under your back, lifting you with ease. The other hand was undoing your bra. You were surprised by how easily he had undone your bra.

- “Not your first time, huh?” You teased at his actions. A quiet chuckle was his response, you took that as a yes.

He threw your bra into a corner of his room, finding it would be a problem for later. For now, his eyes were focused on your breasts, licking his lips. He removed his hand from your back and let you sink into the bed again. The shy and intoxicated Gojo from earlier seemed to have lost all control over himself as soon as he saw your breasts. A hand immediately started to gently squeeze one of them. His thumb brushing over your nipple, gently rubbing it, in order to get any sounds out of you - which wasn’t necessarily hard, considering that the alcohol from earlier made you even more sensitive than you usually are. You could see a smirk forming on Gojo’s face, while he listened to your quiet whimpers. The spot between your legs was starting to get soaked, only from Gojo touching you so delicately. His other hand started to take care of your other breast, now simultaneously fondling both of them. Biting down on your lip, you tried to suppress any moans. Your eyes that were just roaming around the room, now met Gojo’s face. His eyes were focused on your tits, the way they perfectly fit into his hands, the way your skin felt against his hands. His ears were listening to the sweet sounds, the bulge in his pants growing bigger. His mouth was slightly opened. You’ve never seen a man be so mesmerised by the sight in front of him.

The puddle in between your legs was soaking the bed sheets at this point. As much as you loved Gojo paying so much attention to your chest, you wanted more. You needed more. You bucked your hips up slightly, trying to get the fabric of your panties to rub against your swollen clit. Not even biting your lip could suppress your moans anymore,

- “Ha?” Gojo didn’t waste any time moving his hand down to your lower stomach, pressing it down to keep you from moving. A whine of frustration escaping you. “Gettin’ impatient? Slut.”

His words sent waves of excitement through your body.

- “Please…’Toru… want you to touch me~” You begged. Giving him the sweetest look you could possibly do.

In a blink of a second, your pants were off, leaving you only with your panties on. Gojo slid back a little, kneeling in between your legs. His eyes immediately shifted from your chest to your drenched panties. One hand wandered down, rubbing two fingers against your clothed pussy. A gasp escaped your mouth as you bucked your hips against his hand. An excited look overcame his face.

- “Want me to touch you there, hm?” His fingers were not stopping, while you bucked your hips at them. A whimper was your response.

He suddenly withdrew his fingers, before ripping your panties off. Your face was burning, your senses being so heightened was driving you crazy. You watched Gojo bring your panties closer to his face, to his nose. He groaned when he practically inhaled the scent of your pussy. “Fuck… I’ll keep them as a souvenir, so I have something whenever you’re not around…” His other hand was cupping his bulge, while he continued to sniff your panties. The sight and his words almost made you finish right there and then.

Your exposed cunt was throbbing at the sight as well, the cool air blowing over it made you gasp. Gojo eventually put the panties down, and shifted all his attention back to you.x His eyes now focused on your cunt, licking his lips. Your eyes were following his every move. He moved down - looking at your cunt.

“Mm… such a pretty pussy~ Gon’ ruin it…” He purred before using his thumb to massage your clit - the sudden touch already driving you crazy, quiet gasps and whimpers leaving your lips. A low chuckle coming from Gojo, enjoying your reaction. The bulge in his pants was screaming for some action as well, but he was ignoring that for now. Before you could realise it, he inserted a finger, making you squirm. You already knew that he had pretty long fingers, but actually feeling them caught you off guard. Not long after, a second finger entered you. They weren’t necessarily thick, but definitely long enough to reach those sweet spots you could only dream of. He was aware of his skinny fingers, so in order to get you ready for him, he spread his fingers inside of you. You screamed at the feeling of getting stretched like that. His scissoring motions were rough, but the pain faded quickly, calming you a little.

His fingers were soaked at this point. Your mouth was wide open, whimpering, gasping, moaning, while Gojo thrusted his fingers in and out of you, occasionally curling them, hitting exactly the spot that made you get weak in the knees, that built up that knot in your abdomen more and more. His eyes kept flicking between your pussy and your face, enjoying both sights just equally as much. Not only did he get enjoyment out of looking at your face and cunt, he also loved the sounds you were making - the sounds your drenched cunt was making as his fingers ruined it. Every now and then, you’d catch a glimpse of his face, he looked so pleased while fingering you. It pushed you even closer to the edge.

- “...Ah~ ‘Toru gonna c-” He cut you off by starting to rub your clit again with the thumb on his other hand.

- “Cum for me, Doll.”

That was all you needed to hear to lose all control. Your orgasm hit you hard, Gojo fingered you through it, making you pant and gasp for air. A mischievous grin started to appear on his face. “Good girl.” He said before withdrawing his hands from your cunt. Not letting you catch your breath, his hands grabbed onto your thighs - spreading them even further. His face diving directly into your cunt, sucking and licking up all of your juices. Some satisfied purrs left his lips, sending vibrations through your pussy. The overstimulation was making you whine. His talented tongue was all to keep your jaw dropped, mouth wide open. Looking down at him, you could only see his soft snow-white hair, his face was entirely buried in your pussy. He was eating you out like it was his first meal after days.

Eventually, he pulled away, giving you some time to breathe. His face was a mess, your juices were covering half of it. The dim light in his room was making him look 10 times hotter than usual. Your cunt was throbbing from the orgasm you just experienced. He looked beyond proud.

Gojo’s cock was also throbbing, leaking with precum, ruining his pants and underwear. It was throbbing for you. Your cunt felt so empty, missing the feeling of his digits inside of you — not knowing that the emptiness would get replaced by something way better soon.

While you were still catching your breath, your eyes caught Gojo taking off the sweater he was wearing. All of your attention immediately shifted to him - he knew exactly what he was doing, taking off his sweater so slowly that it was starting to drive you crazy, revealing his fit upper body, flexing his muscles on purpose. You knew very well why girls liked him - why you liked him. The defined abs, the V-line, his muscular arms, the little trail of white hair right above his pants. The last time you had seen him shirtless was on a beach day back when you were still a student in Jujutsu High. His body back then was ridiculous compared to what you were seeing right now. He was watching you from the corner of his eye, smirking to himself.

- “Like the view?”

- “You like yours just as much.”

- “Not wrong.”

The dizziness from earlier never left your mind, your senses never went back to normal again. Quite the opposite actually, it feels like Gojo is just making it worse with every passing second. You were lost in your thoughts, lost at the sight. Something inside of you still hadn’t realised that your fantasies finally came true. Deep inside of you, you were praying that this wasn’t a dream. That you wouldn’t wake in your own bed in a few minutes - which wouldn’t be the first time.

The sound of a zipper brought you back to reality. You weren’t expecting a butt naked Gojo in front of you when you snapped back. Cock fully erect, slightly jumping in excitement, precum dripping out of it. His cock was slightly curved upwards. He used his hand to smear the precum all over his cock, quiet groans already escaping his mouth as he gently stroked it. You could tell he was just as sensitive as you were. Gojo had a tight grip on it, squeezing it with each stroke, his groans getting louder with each stroke. The sight only made the knot in your abdomen build up again. He’d call you pathetic if he knew just how excited that got you. Mumbles, quiet mumbles - ‘fuck’ ‘ah’ ‘ngh~’ ‘mhm..’. His eyes were focused on your body the entire time. One last stroke before he stopped.

He lined up with your cunt, as he rubbed his dick against your folds and clit, slipping the tip in every now and then. Gojo was looking for certain reactions from you, and you did not disappoint him. Quiet screams leaving your lips at the slight stretch of his tip slipping inside.

- “Tell me how badly you want it, sweetheart.” Gojo purred.

Forming a simple sentence has never been this hard in your entire life. Never ever have you struggled so hard to just make other sounds than whimpers. He was an asshole, asking you to beg and then rubbing his dick against your clit even more.

- “...I- fuck~”

- “C’mon… Use those big girl words…”

- “...’Toru please~ I want your- ah~ dick so badly…”

FUCKHe slammed into you, stretching out every inch of your tight cunt. Your back arched immediately, as you pressed the back of your head further into the pillow. You dug your fingernails into the bedsheets. To your surprise, the shock only made you gulp loudly. Gojo gasped when he felt his tip kiss your cervix, only now realising that he had buried himself balls deep inside of you. His hands wandered to your hips, not only to keep you in place, but also to make sure to pull you as far as possible onto his dick. The fingers he had inside of you just a few minutes ago were nothing compared to the girth of his dick. They were nothing compared to the way he made you feel like when he thrusted so roughly yet so lovingly into you. The way his tip gave a little smooch to your cervix with every thrust. The pain that kept on mixing with pleasure was making you go stupid, making you lose every coherent thought in your brain.

slap. slap. slap. slap. slap. slap. slap.At this point you were choking on your own saliva, panting so heavily.

slap. slap. slap. slap. slap. slap. slap.Gojo had this devilish grin on his face as he fucked you stupid, as he fucked you into the point where you wouldn’t even realize your own orgasms anymore. You had no idea how long it has been since a man has fucked you so sincerely, or if it has ever been this intense. Oh how glad you were that you agreed to joining the little drinking ‘party’ tonight. His two hands that were still holding your hips, were no longer just firmly gripping them, he was roughly squeezing them - geez, this would leave marks later.

His thrusts were starting to stutter.

- “Oh fuck…stop…squeezing me…mhm~” The way your walls were clenching around him made him lose the confidence in his thrusts.

Sloppy but still rough thrusts were the aftermath. Sweat was covering his chest and neck, his breathing was getting heavier with each passing second. You couldn’t remember how many orgasms you were in by now - but you could feel the next one building up already. Not only yours, but Gojo’s first for the night.

Gojo suddenly lifted your legs and threw each over his shoulders, hitting a completely different angle from the position switch. Making you gasp out loud. This position was making you see stars, making your eyes roll into the back of your head. A low chuckle escaped Gojo’s mouth at your reaction. He was quite aware of the spot you liked by now. So in order to make you finish with him, he hit it over and over and over again. Making you whine, tears of pleasure starting to run down your cheeks at the overstimulation. Oh, and how the tears turned him on. How this entire sight just made him grow harder with each moment, how it made his dick throb so terribly. How he could finish at any moment looking at this, and how he will pull you with him.

It was starting to get impossible to ignore the knot in your abdomen, only a little more and you’d-

splash

Without any warning you could feel Gojo filling you up, a cry of pleasure escaping your lips. It pushed you over the edge so nicely. The legs that were thrown over his shoulders were shaking by now. As you looked at Gojo, you could only see him panting and almost whimpering. Sweat was running down his forehead. A lovely sight to see regardless.

As he pulled out of you, his eyes watched his seed flow out of your pussy so slowly. “Oh shit~” He hissed.

You chuckled quietly, also catching your breath. His eyes shifted to you, grinning like the asshole he is. You really would’ve liked a warning, but it’s too late for that now anyway. He let your legs down back onto the bed and then leaned forward to press a tender kiss on your lips.

Too exhausted to fight back or even talk about what just happened, you just let it happen. But in the end, what would you even be complaining about?

Guess the alcohol did you justice tonight.

 ©vxlenst3in - do not steal, modify, translate or repost my work.

[tech-deck]

Tech-Deck 2.0!!...sorta

This is a long one folks, so I'll add a TLDR at the bottom. But for those who wish to read on, grab some popcorn :3

Hello friends! It's been a while. like, a year or so I guess? There may be some who remember me, and there may be some who are like "never heard of ya!" and that's quite alright!

My name is Tech-Deck, or Techie, or Amber (by person to person mostly, but anyone is welcome to call me by that name too) I used to be someone who posted an re-blogged a lot back during the heydays of a show called "The Bad Batch"

A year ago I made the ulimate decision of destroying my tumblr account of, geez 11 years? I had it since 2012, but really didn't do much on it for a long time. That was until I got hooked into the Star Wars fandom. And suddenly it was like an entirely new wave of socializing had swept me under my own two feet!

I fell in love with a show called "The Mandalorian" during lockdown and had such a blast that I wanted more SW content, but didn't really know what else to watch that I found interesting.

And then my brother told me about this Clone Wars spinoff called "The Bad Batch" and I watched the first hour long premiere and I was instantly hooked.

But at the time I had not seen much of The Clone Wars TV show outside of a few stray episodes on cable TV. so I knew I had to dig my heels and go back to watch the entire 7 season run of the show and...My God what a show it was! (This is why I'm an avid cartoon = for everyone ambassador because holy hell!) So much drama, and action and political espionage and sabotage and all the "tages" lol.

From there I got back to the new show that seemed to be an interesting spin-off of TCW and it was something in that show that really sparked my shift into more social and creative avenues.

I joined Discord for the first time, I started to connect to a lot of other fans of the show, and then....I got the inspiration to write!

and my God, did I have a lot to write about, or moreso I had a lot to write about a certain character. But the bottom line in the moment was I had jumped into a new creative avenue that I never thought I would ever do. And, not to toot my own horn, but I felt like I did pretty well with my works. At least the ones important to me were.

I enjoyed the love and even the constructive criticism I got, I went through the same fun of watching each episode and wanting to write my own characters, or ideas into each one, but alas my time management and slow writing speeds didn't quite match up all the time.

And lets just say, that in all my years of living, I have met friends for a season, a reason, and a lifetime thanks to this fandom. I get to work with an amazingly talented, awesome, and wonderful individual who has been nothing but supportive of my endeavors and I am so very thankful to have them in my life! so yes, thank you @tech-aficionado!!

And of course, there are too many to list here, but I have made some incredible friends that have pushed me, and inspired me to not only write, but to be more open about my experiences and challenges, and dare I say, my strangeness in such a strange world.

...With all that said...why did I leave tumblr then if I was doing great?

To be honest...on the inside I let my own self doubts and criticisms get the best of me.

Many days i would struggle to even open up my discord or chat with people, or even be honest in how i was feeling. I could tell that a lot of external pressure I thought I felt was really my own self-hate and guilt seeping through the smiles and bright eyes. I wanted to be open, but something was holding me back from explaining my sorrows, and ultimately I also could tell my main struggle was hoping for absolute recognition.

I realize it's a silly thing now, but back then I would be disheartened at the lack of response or comments and such to my works or to my replies. I felt like there was still this invisible wall that I couldn't get past to be part of this greater collective of individuals. I let my idea of perfectionism and need for approval get the best of me, and I finally had a moment of clarity driving out to a hike one day.

There were many times I wanted to delete everything social media wise and just forego the entirety of it. To finally be like me in my youth where all I really needed was the open air and a good book and some irl friends to hang with.

So I finally deleted my tumblr account and oddly enough, it did feel like a giant weight came off of my shoulders. Like I no longer had to feel like I needed to prove myself by writing all the time, or trying to engage in fandom chats with everyone at all times. I finally felt free to let my real personality and introverted needs to take over.

I was still pretty active on Discord with friends, but even then soon I started to dwindle in my comments and posts. Gone were the days where I would have the app open on my laptop or phone, ready to jump into a conversation about the latest episode or the latest spicy fic one of us wrote!

Now I barely keep check, I'm on a few times during the week, but it's mostly DM's to my boss, who is currently sitting next o me as I type like my keyboard is on fire, about how annoying our co-workers can be, or planned trips to places together. But I can tell that this is exactly where I am the happiest.

I love all my friends that I have made on here and on Discord or other media, and I want you all to know that I will never not love you all so much, but I also know that my own sanity rests with more quiet time than probably most people.

I'm a loner at heart, always have been and I probably will most likely be for the rest of my life. Do I have my days where I need social contact, yes. But even then there are moments where my battery just dips so drastically that I need a breather for a week or 2 before I come back online, or chat again.

So now the real question...why am I back on Tumblr, where it all began?

Well, I guess I never really left this place. I had this new account for a while, mostly to make sure my friends were doing okay that I didn't chat to much, but also, there's just something I enjoy about seeing everyone's passions and love to share their creativity and liveliness on one of the last genuine social sites left. I can't bear the idea of not having something great to read or share with others and this is that one place that sparks creativity in others...it definitely did for me :3

So now you all know, at least whoever read all the way through! (I commend you, it was definitely a lot to process myself) and I want you all to know that I'm not fully back and running a blog like I used to. I don't write much at all anymore, and I probably won't pick it up much again unless I really feel the urge, but even those urges are just small WIP's that hang out in my docs for years collecting dust and growing new mold spores!

I'm just here, vibing to my own tunes and at my own pace, and I have made peace with that. And I want to encourage you all to also take a breather from time to time, you don't have to delete anything if you're not as insane to jump the gun like I did.

But take some time to consider your own health and well-being. Find that lost spirit if you feel like you're in the dark, and if this is where you feel your best and your most "you" than keep at it!

I will be here, vibing and lurking, just being me. And that's all that I need to be! PEACE!

TLDR: Tech-Deck is back, but at my own pace and my own vibe!

[aiscapades]

putting this under a cut bc i'm going off the rails (this turned into me x you fanfic) ?? happy new year

gonna take this moment to appreciate tumblr (and all of you). this is a fucking hell site and it always has been, but i've been here since 2012 and it's the only social media i actually use anymore.

my writing instagram account that i used extensively during nanowrimo 2022 was hacked and i had to fight this person for control over it (i lost my art account like this in 2018). but it's all mine again :) all my posts about my gay cowboys and me finally being proud of my writing (after giving it up for years) and all the cute stories i posted abt my characters (the only time i've ever talked like that abt my ocs on the internet) REMAIN ALL MINE !!!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

if i want to mention nasty gay sex and tell the hacker to eat butt and die I WILL! i won't be censored. even a story i posted got a popup warning me about the language. saying bitch is a fucking internet crime now???? mark zuckerberg's internet is fucking BLEAK y'all.

this is so baffling to me. how do people live like this??? i stopped using ig years ago (rip my photography hobby!) because it just kept getting worse and worse. tumblr is infamous for never really meeting its users' expectations but at least i can say luigi should be freed without a quirky lil popup message asking "are you sure??? you could get in trouble!!!" mark zuckerberg you are an actual ai lizard robot abomination and you are ruining humanity and our planet. i would skin you in an instant. no hesitation no remorse. you would become a human skin rug and i would stand on you with muddy boots and remark about how you don't fit the space very well then let my 3 pit bull mutts piss all over you. then i'd piss on you too. the things i would do to elon musk (and others) would actually get me banned off tumblr and i think that says enough.

i love this stupid ass website because at least i can be a person here and not be gaslit or brainrotted by an algorithm. i can share whatever media i'm currently obsessed with and see other people obsessing over it too and forge actual community and friendships. i may be alone every day irl but at least y'all think i'm worth interacting with (🩷). this is an unhinged rant about how much i hate rich people who are ruining all of our lives BUT IT'S ALSO an appreciation post for every single person who has ever even looked at me here.

i'm in love with you platonically and we're kissing platonically on the mouth or on the cheeks and forehead or whatever. i'm open to whatever if it's with you. you are everything bright and beautiful to me. i take your hands in mine (no bandages) and run my thumbs along your knuckles. i read your tags and it made me laugh out loud. i don't know why that shit post about the ts cast's eye colors has 300 notes and i'm worried for all of you but also that's hilarious and i appreciate the love. it's really cool that you draw and post fanart for all of us to fawn over. i admire you. i take your wrists now and pull you in for a hug. my boobs are big and i smell like aluminum-free deodorant but there's love in the way i hold you gently, and i hope you remember that feeling when you're sad. i would wait outside while you robbed a bank and be the best damn getaway driver even though i don't have my license. i would dig a footer with my bare hands then construct my own mud blocks to give you shelter when we finally run away from it all and find a nice spot out in the woods. the sun is warm on your skin and butterflies keep thinking you're a pretty flower. your ais fanart made me horny. also your leander fanart. and that was honestly unexpected but it happened! i ain't a liar. some of you i view as gods (in like a totally normal average way) and i hope you don't notice how my whole being trembles when you say something to me. i would sacrifice my firstborn for you if pregnancy didn't scare me. i hope you like the mark zuckerberg rug i put in our sitting room (in our shack in the woods where we escape everything bad). i know you said you prefer cozy minimalism but i want our feet to stay warm and i hope his glassy eyes don't scare you too much. if they do, i'll just hold you tighter :) you're safe with me. thank you for being you and sharing your interests with the rest of us. i hope you have a wonderful new year.

[officeobject]

About me being Lithuanian (perhaps only on my passport), addiction, cities, and more! Not originally written for Tumblr so yes, there's questions and stuff.

"tell me, what is Lithuanian culture about, and what is BEING Lithaunian? Because so far, I cannot relate, even when my DNA says it - and sure, it hurts - I have no culture, no community, not even a place I feel at home/a place that represents me, but I'm more than used to not fitting in everywhere and feeling alone, which I guess ties into my addiction …"

(After getting some examples or something):

"Lithuanian language? Mostly forgotten by me. Wasn't passionate about learning nor re-learning beyond wanting to be able to communicate + nostalgia + not wanting to make people upset - even hated learning grammar stuff ... oh, and the religion? Nah, I'm a Christian who has no idea what is happening, so life is pretty chill in regards to that. Folk stuff? About as fun for me as a midievel festival - I like it, but it's not me, and I would not SURVIVE, having MY HAIR in traditional Lithuanian braids! Patriotism? Hard when my lack of ties make me hate myself. Connection to land? I'm so much against climate change, but psycologically, a TOTAL plastic-wrapper - totally citybitch divadog nature-fearing person, who can merely find nature pretty, while bright colored skyscraper cities feel like home! Cultural resilience? Well THAT crumbled, huh?

I feel so alone, man - like, I feel like shit because I don't know Lithuanian - I've been wanting a DNA test and got one, and turns out I only got one that accounted for country, even though I wanted a DNA test to see who I'm related to and whatnot, and I got SO MAD, that some strangers got my DNA, only to tell me which irrelevant pieces of land that my ancestored fucked in (especially as an apothiaroace), yet everyone (WHO COULDN'T EXPLAIN WHY), kept telling me it's interesting, and kept asking (when they weren't one of the people there), which countries I turned out to have DNA from - and I'm so USED, to feeling like I don't fit in - AND GUESS WHAT! THAT PROBABLY FUCKING DROVE MY ADDICTION! And my mom blames herself for not keeping the language alive, or not engaging in the culture, and I disagree with that, and I think it's MY fault - and man, we grew up in not-Lithuania, and I met people from all kinds of countries, and yeah we DID bond over how funny this country is, and not feeling a part of it, but even THEN I was kinda alien, because I wasn't from the nearby countries, but ALSO I was white, but I wasn't from the country I lived in either, and people said I fitted in better than them but I was just hyper-lexic or something, and didn't have a culture and/or didn't have a culture that would clash too much with THIS one, and also was autistic so I saw the constructs, and perhaps it was because I "looked" like a part of this country, but, like, I didn't, and whoever thought that was foolish or something - it's something about my face and stuff, and at the very least, my eyes, that I think don't make me look like a part of this place (also turns out my grandma is at least partially a part of some ethnic group which traveled and/or originated in Asia or something - explains why I thought my eyes were so pretty and different and less round and more like Rarity or Cadence from MLP or whatever). But yeah, everyone can just embrace their culture, while I have NO CULTURE, and the only thing I can turn to, is the city, which people MOCK, or see as superficial and stuff, instead of the place full of emotions and care, that I see it as - oh, and I can't even survive in fecking COPENHAGEN, so it's not like I can live in a big city anyway ...

Man, I don't feel at home with being disabled, because my autism is my personality, I don't feel ABLED, because I'm autistic, I don't relate to my DNA nor the place I grew up, I have no culture, no home, nothing, no one - not even *A Person I Mentioned*, soon enough, huh? And I sure can't call myself "American", because burgers, jeans, t-shirts, office stuff, skycrapers, lanyards, bright colored lights, phones, and all those weird city structures typically made out of glass, IS my culture, but I'm not American (no I don't know if those things are American either - I appear to feel the same way towards those things as others appear to feel towards their culture though) - well,*A Person I Mentioned*, might relate - do you think so too?

It's just that *A Person I Mentioned* seems like they have the same "culture" too! Also no my "culture" doesn't make any sense, as I did in fact NOT grow up in a big city, and even in the city/town I DID grow up in, it was some place not within the city, which was common for kids in my school to grow up in - like, especially us foreigners, people who struggle with jobs, lower income people, etc - oh and for some reason it was ALLEGEDLY officially classified as a "ghetto" - oh and also, I'm so pale that I can quite literally classify as "white" - like, am I having normal experiences here, or?

No but like, was I having normal white-person experiences? Like, wow, sometimes I write about my life, and I REALLY seem disconnected from many things - like, at 12, I DID think about suicide and stuff, but I've never had a concept of death (I don't know if I would have if I experienced death personally for the first time), so I wasn't suicidal, but I wasn't NOT suicidal, you know?

I still feel "suicidal" at times LOL. Oh and also some might say I've experienced things that are trauma or whatever, but I doubt it, and feel disconnected from trauma-survivors as well. I ALSO have a weird way of experiencing friendship - very weird and uncommon and intense, so I also have a disconnect THERE - there's also the addiction-related stuff, if you remember - and I ALSO feel disconnected from anti-AI people, because I need AI as a tool (emotionally) and have some addiction(s) related to SOME/SOME PARTS OF AI, but there's all the ethical stuff I'm against, but I'm also against all the hatred and judgement towards AI-users, even towards those with AI boyfriends. I'm also a queer Christian, who is confused about Christianity, but can't stop believeing either - over all, I'm LUCKY when I can feel like home - though I might be losing one of the people I've felt connected to the most (*A Person I Mentioned*), but I wonder if you think I'm losing them."

[23starii]

Part 2/2 Kenma Kozume X Reader

((Not my photos!!))

Find part one here

The game of connection!! ♡︎♥︎♥︎♡︎

Summary: Kenma will!! He will get your number.. or something.

Warnings/notes:intrusive thoughts, anxiety, I'm really sorry if this is dookie, tumblr deleted my progress twice, I gave up a little bit 😹pls lmk if I missed any warnings I'm not good at identifying them!!

It had been two whole days since Kenma last saw you.

As he begrudgingly made his way home after a long day of practice, along with Kuroo, he theorized that you might be avoiding him.

But no, that couldn't possibly be the case..why would you not show up to class just to avoid him?

He was playing tricks on himself again, making himself worry for no reason at all.

"Did ya get her number??" Kuroo questioned.

"..I didn't get a chance. She wasn't here." He reluctantly replied.

"What? Seriously?"

"Mhm."

"Ha! Maybe she hates you or something!!" Kuroo joked, Kenma didn't find it so funny.

Kuroo's words shot through his body, leaving him paralyzed, or well, that's what it felt like, but he was still moving. His eyes shot open, and he grumbled quietly.

Kuroo glanced at the shorter setter, finding him distraught.

"Hey, it was a joke!" He cleared, realizing his effect.

"I know.."

That night, Kenma got home, and he hoped he would see you the next day, back in your seat.

Attempt number one: Fail

Kenma sat in his seat, staring at the screen of his Nintendo. It was not lit. The colors were not reflected on his face. He wasn't playing. He was thinking.

If she misses today, too, then she definitely hates me.

His intrusive thoughts were demanding.

"Good morning, Kenma!" Your sweet voice snapped him from his horrid thoughts.

"Kenma?"

"Oh, hello." He finally responded, only taking a second to glance at you.

"What's up?? Did you miss me?" She teased, sitting to his left. That wasn't her seat, but it wasn't class time yet, so she supposed it was okay.

Kenma clicked the POWER button of his Nintendo. He could finally play again. Your presence eased him.

He didn't answer your question.

"Kenmaaa~," she called, a giggle escaping her lips, clouding the boy's thought process.

"Aren't colds the worst? I can't believe I missed out on two whole days.." She mentioned, leaving Kenma relieved. His breathing felt easier.

"Mhm. Yeah, they suck." He answered. The bright colors of his game reflected onto his face his fingers moved quickly and with ease as he clicked the buttons and rolled the black joystick.

"Do you ever get colds? I feel like you would get them often." She stuck her head closer, taking a peak at his game while she spoke.

"Oh, I do, actually. It really sucks. I guess I'm prone to them or something."

You hummed in response, focusing on the screen in his hands. You thought he was really good at video games.

Kenma suddenly got an uncomfortable reminder that he was supposed to ask for your number.

Well, he didn't have to. But it would be nice to have it. It was only the process of getting it that stumped him. How would he go about it?

He wasn't made for these sorts of situations. That much was evident. There was also the chance that you didn't even want to give him your number. What, then? It would be awkward.

...

Then again, if you hated him for asking, it would hurt, but at least he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.

That's what he had to live by in order to have a chance. A singular, minuscule chance.

With you?

But..not yet. He just wasn't brave enough.

Attempt number two: Not close enough.

"Kenmaa"

"Kenma?"

His head lifted, by the time you called out his name for a second time.

It was nice.. waking up to your voice.

He lifted his head from the desk it rested on.

"You fell asleep. Again." You stated, watching the sleepy boy wake up and rub his face before turning his attention to you.

God, why does he look so attractive when he's just waking up..

This is what you thought every single time you had to wake the sleeping boy up.

When his eyes adjusted to the lights and your face, he noticed your arm was stretched out to him.

"Here." You said. You held his book bag in your hand. Yours strapped onto your shoulder.

"Oh, thank you." He said, lifting his body from the desk before taking the bag from you ny the strap.

"It's club time! Shall we go?" You grinned. He nodded and hummed in agreement.

"Volleyball, right?" You wondered, glancing at him as the two of you exited the classroom.

"Yeah. What do you have?" That was one of the first times kenma mustered up the courage to ask you a question about yourself.

"I have [club name]!"

"Hm. That actually makes sense." He responded, a smile creeping onto his lips.

"What's that supposed to mean..?"

"Nothing."

You laughed.

As the two of you made your ways through the emty and emptier halls, Kenma realized it was over.

There was no way he could ask for your number now...

He should just try again tomorrow.. when he comes up with a plan.

He just wasn't brave enough..

Attempt three: win, win!

Kenma spent all of practice hoping to come up with a plan.

"Kenma, you're slower than usual." He hears the voice of his upperclassmen, yaku state.

"Sorry.." he replies, hiding behind his hair.

The short third year gives Kuroo, who was close by, a look.

Being the captain and concerned for his younger friend, Kuroo called for a five minute break.

Kenma, along with his teammates, headed for the water bottles.

When he finally got his hands on his own bottle, he made his way to a corner of the gym where he usually played on his phone until break was over.

"Kenma. Did you get it?" Kuroo asks. He was already at the corner, waiting for the second year.

"What? Oh.." Kenma didn't give a direct answer. He only held onto his bottle and stared at the floor.

"..did she show up?" The raven haired male crossed his arms, wishing for a good update.

"She did.. but I didn't get a chance. I didn't know how to ask."

Kuroo sighed.

"She didn't show up for the past few days, right?"

Kenma looked up at the captain, confused.

"She didn't." He replied anyway.

"Okay, so how about you ask her if she needs notes? Then, offer to take her number so you can send them?" Kuroo suggested. He also hoped this was a good plan. He didn't have much experience with asking girls for their numbers, actually..

"Um.." Kenma thought that was a good idea actually. He thought he would have to use that excuse the next time he saw you.

Hopefully, you hadn't gotten the notes from a different classmate already.

He was about to say something when suddenly, he was caught completely off guard.

It was you, right at the door. You were talking with Yaku, and you looked lost.

Kenma was absolutely mortified.

What the hell??

What are you doing here? What?? What???

Kuroo didn't fail to catch the sudden shift in his friends expression. He followed the setters eyes to you.

What really pushed kenma over the edge was the moment yaku looked around, spotted kenma, lifted his arm to point a finger at him, and then said something to you.

The second year immediately averted his eyes. He did his best to act nonchalant, like he hadn't seen you.

You aren't there if he can't see you..

"Kenma!" He had no choice but to look up. You were heading his way, you book bag strapped to your shoulder like before.

"Kenma! I'm so sorry! I messed up!"

Sorry? Wait. What?

You stopped right in front of him, cheeks burning out of embarrassment. An upperclassmen was watching too. You were super embarrassed.

"Um.. I accidentally swapped our bags..I'm really sorry!" You bowed your head apologetically.

"Oh..that's okay." Kenma answered, stunned.

"So.. can I have mine back?" You wondered, straightening your back and lifting your head to face him.

"Oh, yeah.. it's over here." He didn't wait for you to react before quickly making his way over to a nearby bench.

You turned to the tall third year who had been standing there and gave a quick bow rigjt before speedwalking to catch up with your classmate.

"Again, I'm really sorry.." You repeated.

"It's okay, really." He said.

His mind was racing. He said he'd ask you the next time he saw you.. did he manifest this or something??

Oh crap..

Is he brave enough to do it now..?

No, no way.

Kenma closed his eyes, turned away from you, and took a deep breath, knowing he'd probably never do it. He picked up the book bag and turned to hand it over. He felt absolutely defeated.

He was a coward.

"Thank you, kenma. Here's yours." You smiled gingerly, taking the bag and handling over his.

"Yeah, no problem." He glanced at you for a second.

"Um..Kenma?" You spoke.

He looked at you.

"So.. I haven't been here the past few days.. I was told I missed a lot." You began, a flip switched inside of the young setter.

"Could you possibly lend me some notes.. if you took any, that is." You scratched your cheek, looking off to the side.

Now kenma stared at you.

You opened up a path. An opportunity.

"I'm kind of busy right now."

"Oh..thats okay I can just get them from someone else-"

"I can send them to you later..?" He quickly added, not letting you finish. He was not letting you take this opportunity when he just got it.

Your eyes lit up and you looked at him.

"Really?!"

"Yeah, if you wanna give me your number..or something."

Mission: Success!

[avaelangel]

Watched the finale. I have some thoughts. And I miss Tumblr, so it's going to be here. Spoilers. Spelling errors. Annoying takes. A lot of letters.

To be completely honest, it's not perfect all the way. It's a bit shakey and seems like it suffered because of the strikes, maybe? I still love my bastards, but well oh well.

I didn't expect Daniel to be so pro-Lestat? It was very satisfying for him, to see him unveil Armand like that. I think, Armand's ''How dare you?'' could have been played up, since he was growing some affection for Molloy. But I expected a full fight. I know it isn't the last we see of the manipulative gremlin, but still. Hate him, but what a face.

There's still questions to be answered and details to know. Lestat mastered up some strength to save at least Louis and now we know, that at least about something Armand didn't lie. Claudia really looked at Lestat, while burning.

Loustat getting closure was very beautiful. Very raw and human, not what happens in the book, really, which I loved. Everything showed, including how actually free Sam and Jacob are with each other. Lestat, of the two of them, barely holding on and trying to ease the tension? I hate them, I love them. I understand both of them and I hate that too. Kinda.

We all knew what is going to happen to Daniel. He was actually less frail that I expected him to be, walking up to two vampires in a fight. Damn, boy. Again, even Talamasca thought that he's in danger. But Armand didn't retaliate, probably because he knew that it's over.

Akasha? Hey, girl? To be honest, I haven't met her fully yet, I only have two books under my belt. But it was such a funny little flex. This whole scene was a little silly, but I think I also got too used to the vampire grandeur that Armand and Santiago spewed.

Sam? Talamasca guy? I need more details on that, but he's a vibe, I'm glad he stays.

The mention of Akasha did throw me off and I thought, at first, it was her who Lestat couldn't get out of his mind. But I really look forward to the terror The Ones Who Must be Kept will bring. And Marius? I don't trust him. Lestat is probably the one I trust the most here, and that's saying something.

Also, Dan is sort of pre-Bright Falls Alan Wake now? Who is also a vampire? But I love it. I hope he drives Armand insane soon. It seems that Eric Bogosian is very happy in this role and I'm very happy to see him in it. Was Daniel turned out of spite, really? It really seems, at least for now, that Armand came and went like ''You wanted it all those decades ago? Here you go, bitch!''.

As far as I've seen, AMC's marketing, especially in terms of merch, is very meh. It would have been so smart to release the book in the cover they have showed in the show. There was a literal close up! Come on, guys.

It is great that Louis is not in a relationship right now. We know that he will be in the third season, he might go on tour with Lestat or just take some hits at first from the ones that are willing to square up. Saying this, I'm so excited for Gabrielle and I hope there would be jokes about Lestat being a true motherfucker.

SUPER DUPER SPOILER THAT MIGHT BE WRONG.

Claudia. Haunting. I really need Delainey back. And I really hope Armand didn't fucking lie about her and Madeleine's end. I will stitch his eyes closed otherwise. God, I'm probably reading Vampire Armand when I find it.

I guess...That's the end? But there's so much left. I hope the 3d season will bloom into existence sooner.

[gravityglitch-blog]

The Amazing Digital Circus, as seen by a Murder Drones fan

("Candy Carrier Chaos" inspired me to write this. Fair warning, it's a long one. Potential spoilers ahead)

I stumbled into the indie animation scene on YouTube by accident. It was like finding hidden treasure. I have no hate for the big-name studios, but everything I'd been seeing up until then seemed...homogenized...over-processed, somehow? It's hard to describe. Like eating fast food when you want a home cooked meal.

Now here were stories that were all wonderfully different, in subject matter and style. I started with "Lackadaisy", which was so beautiful, it left me stunned.

(The only reason you don't see more Lackadaisy fanart from me is because it's difficult drawing cats. I'm practicing, though.)

A few more clicks brought me to "Murder Drones", and it was love at first sight.

I connected to Uzi's character within her first minutes on-screen. Despite the dark tone of the story, I still hold out hope for a good ending.

Then I started seeing teasers for a new series, "The Amazing Digital Circus".

The art style and bright colors weren't my usual speed, but I decided to check it out anyway.

Personal confession, "Digital Circus" scares me more than "Murder Drones". While "Murder Drones" wears its horror inspirations on its sleeve, to me, it's more the "cool" kind of horror that I would scribble on my notebooks between classes.

Vampires, monsters, battling the forces of darkness while jamming to nightcore, you get the idea.

I have legitimately had nightmares that look like the "Digital Circus". Strange worlds of twisted colors and shapes, people I don't know, doors and staircases that lead nowhere.

All that said, I did enjoy the pilot, I found the setup and the characters interesting, and wanted to see more.

Side note, I know the studio sometimes seems to favor "Digital Circus", and it causes some resentment between the fandoms.

For myself, I see our fandoms as siblings. Let us watch our faves (hopefully) triumph over the horrors together.

This brings me to "Candy Carrier Chaos".

It happened to debut on one of my bad days, when I was feeling down, to put it mildly.

Like I didn't matter. Like no one would notice or remember me if I were gone.

And so that opening scene of Pomni's nightmare hit me like a punch in the gut.

I won't go into the episode's plot too much, as I'm sure others here have already done that and better than I ever could. The whole reason I'm writing this is because of that ending.

The members of the Circus take the time and care to remember the friend they lost in the pilot, apparently the latest of many.

They all feel the pain of loss, of being trapped in this strange world. But they still have each other. For now, at least.

The look on Pomni's face when she realizes she's not alone. When her vision replays, it has changed.

Now, there are helping hands to take hold of her. To pull her back up out of the darkness.

I honestly became a little teary-eyed at that scene. It got me thinking, "maybe the bad days are liars. Maybe I would be missed, after all."

The power of storytelling through animation. With all my heart, I hope this medium continues to grow and flourish. To any aspiring animators and artists out there, this random Tumblr person asks, please don't give up the dream. There are people out there that need to hear your stories.

In the meantime, Pomni remains where she is...and so do I. Thank you so much if you've read this whole thing. I really appreciate it.

[katyspersonal]

Tbh being in this fandom helped me to recover my love for drawing?

I've always loved to draw, since early childhood, and I've always picked bright colors and put too much thought and detail into drawings! Like, I wasn't yet six years old and my ways to draw were already showing xD

Things started to go sour since maybe 14, because it was when teachers noticed my talent and started to exploit it to make me draw shit for stupid school events -_- It was also when I started to draw digitally, so, posting my art online. It became an obligation I was not even compensated for irl and a strong stress of "getting audience" and "improvement" online. And it was a very long timeframe of drawing with how my art will be received in mind. I think I've temporarily lost originality as an artist when I've got on Tumblr, even. Because I tried to chameleon to ideas, trends and styles of everyone else. It's been YEARS.

But joining this fandom forced me to abandon my fixation on reception. I've never gotten my art side-eyed and disliked so much in my whole life. I've heard pearls like "You don't have a talent (as an artist) and it is cringe that you say you do", "I don't like how you draw people", "I think you should focus on writing, you are way better at it than at visual art", "Only people who can't draw would enjoy your art" - and none of these came from haters! A lot of ignoring, a lot of visible and obvious irritation from a fan of [character] because I've drawn them "ugly", pity liking because they don't like my art but like me as a person, nothing good to say about my art besides "well you've put a lot of effort in" etc. It just became obvious that my art doesn't fit in Soulsborne fandom. Everyone here are talented, studied artists with academical skill. When they aren't, their style is appealing, simple, anime-ish and pleasing for the eyes. And then there is me lol

The thing is, whereas I had multiple episodes of wanting to delete all my fanart from socials, wanting to give up on art altogether, starting to hate my art myself because others hated it and avoiding looking at other artists' blogs to not face the humiliation of how much more love they get compared to me... I waded through it.

I came out of it a stronger person, that learned to love drawing only and ONLY for the heck of it. I've noticed that I really just like drawing, because it's fun. Because I want to see some drawing, not because someone else might. I was forced to grow up, except.. I wasn't? I could have given up on art like I "wanted" to! I knew some artists in Soulsborne, mostly 16-17 but not only, who gave up on drawing (at least for this fandom) or straight up abandoned their blogs because of facing similar snobbery regarding their art styles! They were similarly very detailed and "inconvenient", to think back on it. 🤔 But I am here, right? I didn't even do the bare minimum of trying to "fix" my art style to be more "appealing", I just continued drawing the way I like to.. and tbh, the way I used to love drawing back in childhood returned. Long ago before internet, "content", "platform", "relevance" and all this stupid shit that defeats the point. I am lucky to get 30 notes on fully colored fully detalized drawing, 20 of which are friends or mutuals, but I just stopped caring? I am drawing for the heck of it, so many years later, again?

In general, guys, I don't know who needs to hear this, but if you are dealing with ignoring, snobbery, taunting or all at once as an artist, I really recommend you to endure through it and not give up. Eventually you will naturally become strong and self-sufficient! The best way to learn to not rely on anyone else's approval is to actually not be given this approval but continue. The joy of enjoying the drawing regardless of whether your art is liked by others is a wealth much bigger than popularity

[humanpurposes]

Karma is a God

Chapter 1: Harrenhal

The Dance of the Dragons begins on a lie, and Aemond owes a debt, one Lucerra will see repaid in Fire and Blood // Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Aemond x Lucerra Velaryon (fem!Lucerys)

General Warnings: 18+, death and violence, attempted murder, grief, trauma, revenge, angst, eventual smut, dub-con, hate sex (sort of) enemies to lovers, they're at war and it's hot ok? Dead dove: do not eat.

Warnings for this chapter: angst, grief, brief mentions of smut, minor Aemond x Alys Rivers.

Words: 1930

A/n: Originally posted on AO3, posting to Tumblr before I get back to regular updates.

Each night he is tormented by dreams of Lucerra Velaryon.

This is not unusual. In the years since Driftmark she was all he dreamt of. The fury in her plump face, each piercing scream she gave as she ran at him with determined little fists, the way she struggled when he grabbed her by her throat.

“You will die screaming in flames just as your father did, bastards!” 

It had felt good to put the Strongs in their place. He had spent his entire life as the subject of their cruel jests, even if it was under Aegon’s influence, and sweet little Luke was hardly innocent. If Jace told her to tie feather wings to a pig, she did it. If Jace told her to present the swine to their uncle as a gift, she did it. Then she would giggle along cluelessly, looking up at her brother with those wide doe eyes.

Such is the nature of younger siblings. Daeron was the same with him and Aegon, following them, absorbing every word they said as though they were septons delivering a sermon.

He never imagined the confrontation in the cave below Hightide would go so far. Jace pulled out a knife. One of the motherless girls screamed. Aemond shoved his nephew to the ground and held a rock above his head.

For once he did not feel powerless, the high of his first dragonflight still ignited in his blood, his Strong nephew at his feet and the girls cowering in the shadows.

He wouldn’t have done it, at least that's what he told himself.

As a child Luke was never vicious, but she was impulsive, and utterly devoted to her brother.

She took up the knife and the two of them were transformed in an instant, with a slicing through flesh, a spurt of blood and an eye lost forever.

For years he would find himself waking in a feverish sweat, with a searing pain in his skull and her furious battle cry echoing in his head. 

His dreams changed after Storm’s End. Now when he slips into sleep he is met with wind and rain. When he sees her, he reaches out for her, as though he can save her. His efforts are always fruitless. Vhagar’s claws close around her dragon and she falls back into the storm, followed by torn wings and chunks of flesh.

She didn't scream as she fell, and he often wonders why.

He feels something cold against his cheek and before his eye opens he reaches for the knife he has under his pillow.

Now that he’s awake he realises who’s throat he is holding the blade against. A pale face of sharp features, a small pointed nose and bright green eyes, framed by waves of dark hair. He has an affinity for Strong bastards it seems.

“Is this my reward for your care, my Prince?” She says, still managing to bring a mocking tone to her words when he could end her life with such a simple motion.

“You startled me is all,” he grumbles, carefully removing the blade and dropping his head back against the pillow. “What are you doing?”

“You’re sweating,” she says, pressing the dampened cloth over his brow, “I thought you might have a fever.”

It is soothing, not that he’ll admit it, so he allows her to continue.

“Do your dreams still trouble you?”

He groans in response.

“Tell me what you saw.”

“You’ve been warned not to make demands of me,” he says, and waits for a witty response, but it doesn’t come.

Alys is stubborn and it makes for a refreshing change compared to the snivelling knights and soldiers who cower before him these days.

“I saw a storm. I saw her die.”

“Die?” She repeats.

They’ve had this conversation before. She tells him dreams and visions can be one in the same, and that he must be specific when he recalls them. He finds it infuriating. It's bad enough he has to dream of it, let alone say it over and over again.

“Die,” he snaps, feeling a dampness streaking from his remaining eye. “Lucerra Velaryon is dead and I killed her.”

It has been just short of a week since they took Harrenhal, or rather, walked into the castle without challenge. Simon Strong and his family have been confined to cells, despite Lord Larys’ loyalty to their cause. Trust and loyalty are fickle things, so he has come to learn.

Cole oversees their questioning, demanding why they allowed Daemon to hold the castle, when he left, where he might be headed.

Fear is a feeling Aemond finds he is now accustomed to. The war has gone quiet these last weeks, since the massacre that was the Battle of the Gullet, since the deaths of Jacaerys and young Viserys. Rhaenyra could be paralysed by grief, or else she is simply looking for the right time to strike.

He decided they shouldn’t wait out the silence in King’s Landing, but upon discovering Harrenhal abandoned, he can’t help but feel they’ve been ensnared into a trap. Cole has been insisting they should go back to the capital, but Aemond says otherwise. Another march would exhaust the men, make them look disorganised and unsure. So they wait.

The days slip by and Aemond spends most of his time in the Lord’s chamber, fawning over maps, thinking and calculating until his head is sore. The servants bring him bread and stew every day but eating is a duty which rarely crosses his mind.

When he tires of war strategy he summons Alys. She intrigued him from their first meeting in the courtyard, as the men and women of house Strong were lined up before him. The other women wept, but she stood there with her hands bound and her head held high. He found himself drawn to the defiance in her eyes, the slyness in her smile, her indifference to him, as a Prince, as a one-eyed monster baying for her family's blood.

He likes listening to her talk about- well he doesn’t care what. She recounts her life, a bastard and a nursemaid, and tells him of her fascination for superstitions and ghost stories. Mostly she tells him of her dreams, and asks about his. His response is always the same, because these days he only has one dream. 

He likes her dark hair, the way it fall around her shoulders as she prods at the fire, pulling on it as he fucks her, seeing it beside him when he wakes each morning. He knows why he likes her hair. It reminds him of the girl lost- no, the girl he murdered. For that he feels ashamed, but it is the truth.

Outside the window the sky is black, save for a final sliver of sunset lining the horizon. Alys brought him a plate of cuts of beef but they remain uneaten on the table. For now he lies against her, skin to skin, resting his head on her breast as she strokes her fingers through his hair. 

"You never look at me when you fuck me," she says and he can hear her grinning.

He wrenches himself away from her hold and stands to reach for his clothes, discarded on the floor around the bed. "If it bothers you, I can release you from my service," he says dryly.

She hums in mocking contemplation as she watches him dress. "Fear not, Kinslayer, I am not jealous of a dead girl."

He could have her tongue for that, but then he'd have to find another companion to distract him.

"Besides," she says, as she cleans the stains from her stomach and slips a night shift over her bare body, "I'd rather be the whore of a Prince than a servant in my own home."

She has told him of her mistreatment at the hands of the Strongs, the years she has spent as an outsider in the castle she was born in.

He takes a letter from his desk, a letter from Daeron, who tells him of the march east from Oldtown, while Alys goes to huddle on the floor by the hearth. He would offer her a spot on the settee beside him, but leaves her to the visions she claims to see in the flames. He is past the point of wondering if she's a witch, or if she is simply delusional.

Alys has a tendency to speak in sparse, vague musings, the same way his sister does. Helaena says she sees much in her dreams and before her waking eyes, and he has always entertained her because no one else does.

She mutters something, and he doesn’t quite catch it. He looks up from the small piece of parchment and her head is turned to him.

“What?” He demands.

“I saw you,” she says.

“As you see me now?”

“No.” She turns back to the flames.

He rises with a huff and stands over her, keeping his eye on her hair. She reaches for his hand and pulls him to his knees beside her. The heat of the fire is intense, burning against the scarred side of his face. He watches as the light dances over her face and ignites in her eyes.

“What do you see?” He asks softly.

“A ghost,” she says. 

(And she chides him for being vague?)

“A ghost of what?”

“The ghost of a dragon. It was damaged, and is rebuilding its strength through anguish.”

A thousand thoughts flood his mind at once as he tries to decipher her words. Rhaenyra, damaged by the loss of her children. Daemon, preparing to avenge her grief. Aegon, rotting away in his bedchamber, still not quite recovered from the battle at Rook's Rest.

Damaged. He finds his fingers brushing against the scar that cuts through the side of his face and the sapphire that sits in his socket. “I thought you said you saw me."

“I did.”

He gives her a moment to continue but she doesn’t. “And?”

“You are impatient.”

“I am a Prince, I was not born to be patient.”

“And you are proud,” she adds, “but you will not always be.”

He takes a breath. For a moment he imagines he is back in the Red Keep, that it is Helaena sitting beside him, before this war turned her into a shadow of herself. For that girl, with the dreamy eyes and the distant smile, he could always find patience.

So they sit for a while, listening to the hum and crackles from the fire. He fights through the restlessness by drawing his thumbnail against his fingertips.

And finally she turns to him. “Can you feel it?”

“Feel what?”

“The ghost.”

He thinks of Luke's eyes, dark, vast and endless, glaring at him across a dinner table, across the hall at Storm’s End. He remembers how she looked up at him as he held a blade to her cheek the last time they met. “My blood is precious uncle, if you want it you shall have to earn it.” Her eyes were wide, pleading, but never fearful.

Then, her lack of fear enraged him, drove him to mount his dragon and chase her above the skies of Shipbreaker Bay. Now...

She did not deserve to die, and he has found a new hatred for himself every day since.

Alys reaches for his hands, stroking her fingertips over his skin. She frowns, as though she can read the pattern in his palms. “Retribution will come with fire and fury,” she says in a voice like ice, “and so it will be your salvation.”

[whichcouldmeannothing]

paper rings part 2!!!(teacher!spiderdads)

oh my god. hi. this fic has pushed me to 100 followers (after 6 years on tumblr 😭😭) and is my most liked post ever. OHMYGOD

THANK YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT FOR MY SPIDERDADS ENDEAVOURS AND SHGSDFHKGHAKGFHA IM SO GRATEFUL

yes i will be writing the teacher one!! it'll be multi-chapter lelelel but the first chapter shld be out by this week!! pls stick with me *pray hand emoji*

alright so. the first 500 words of the chapter for u guys. bc i love u

thank u all sm

-

Brooklyn Visions Academy is a good school. 

It pays well, there’s a clear path to promotion for him and it’s close enough to his house that he won’t be late when Gabriella forgets her water bottle for school. 

Their gyms are nice too. There's air-conditioning when they do assemblies, and the floors aren't horrendously squeaky. Miguel waits by the side for the principal to finish his announcements and introduce all the new teachers. There are at least seven of them here and pessimistically, he wonders how many of them will make it through the year. 

He wears the blue polo (Read: The one Gabriel hated the least) and he tries to go through what he’s going to do today. After this assembly is his first class. Ask them for their names, go through expectations and start work properly. He’s here to do his job and to do it well. 

“Hi,” The guy beside him speaks. He has brown eyes and brown hair, and he looks like he should be tall, but Miguel has to angle his head down to look at him. He’s wearing an ironed maroon shirt. He smells like hot chocolate. “I’m Peter Parker, you’re one of the new guys too, right?” 

Miguel nods. He has to pick up Gabriella today because her piano lesson got pushed to the weekend. So, he has to make sure that he brings home any materials he wants to look over for the next lesson. Then, he’ll probably pick up pizza, the four-cheese one for Gabriella and a small meat lovers fo him. 

“Are you the other Humanities guy? I teach Literature, so it’s nice to know someone, I guess.” Peter Parker has a face that looks like it should always be smiling. There’s a strand of hair falling onto his forehead. Miguel doesn’t think he would care. “I mean, I hope you are, as long as you don’t teach Economics, 'cause only blood-suckers would teach something that bad.”

Peter Parker apparently doesn’t know how to shut up. 

"I teach Economics." 

The principal gestures for them to get on the stage, and Miguel walks past the shell-shocked Peter Parker. Peter quickly follows, and as the Principal introduces them, he leans in to whisper. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you, uh, sorry." Eloquent, for a literature teacher. Miguel fears for the poor literary geniuses who have to be taught by Peter. 

Miguel's name is read out on the screen, and Peter turns around to look at the projection. "So, Miguel, sorry about that, let's start over, get this right." 

The bell rings and the teachers get off the stage, loafers and heels clicking on the veneered wood. Miguel could just walk out of the hall right now and get to his first class, but a tap on his shoulder stops him. 

"I'm Peter Benjamin Parker," He introduces again, a hand outstretched. "I love every subject ever and I am excited to work with you." He lets out a breath after like this was an effort to say. 

Miguel shakes his hand. "I'm Miguel." The sun is streaming into the high windows, and the room is being painted in bright yellows. "I have to go, can't risk getting hit by the sunlight."

Confusion quickly gives way to joy on Peter's face, and Miguel lets himself stand still for an extra second to see Peter's smile before he stalks off.

-

<3

[sergeantnarwhalwrites]

Fighting It Out

There was more lead up to this but fuck it we jump straight in. That's how I do shit XD. My break is over 😭. And I am academically fucking suffering. Let them go crazy. Also typing/texting this shit straight into tumblr from my phone so it might be fucky sucky. Also testing out some fight style stuff for these two mostly based on this previous post.

Tag list: @outpost51 @nanashi23 @winterandwords @jezifster @kk7-rbs @aether-wasteland-s @dumbthunder @manathen @the-void-writes @liv-is (Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist!) 

MY DUMB ASS PRESSED POST BEFORE I WAS FINISHED. 😓 So fuck it we ball I guess.

Ian towered over Elliot. Partially extended arm reached out towards the fellow deer morpher. A wrapped fist against his side. The other wrap cautiously wrapped over one of his branching antlers.

Elliot bounced on his toes. Shoes tossed aside to expose wrapped ankles. Socks grass stained. Both forearms shielding his face.

"Sure you want to settle this with a fight?" Elliot questioned.

"Better than going to the elder morphers," Ian grumbled.

Elliot rolled his eyes, but he agreed. The elder morpher's would take too long. And he didn't want to add any unnecessary stress to the bear morpher.

"One of us has to speak to them anyway," Elliot tilted his head looking into the fellow deer morpher's bright blue eyes.

Elliot felt himself shudder. He wished Ian's hair was down so he at least had some sort of barrier between them.

"And it's going to be Saz or you. This isn't a me problem. I don't understand why you're even dragging me into this."

"And you fucking wonder why Saz hates you," Elliot grumbled.

Ian rolled his eyes. Hate was an exaggeration. Though Saz was particularly good at giving Ian a cold shoulder. And this fight definitely wouldn't help his case. His ear flicked in the direction of Julie's approach. The hagfish morpher sitting off to the side as she pulled meat off of the charred skewer with her teeth.

Ian couldn't help but grin playfully slapping Elliot's block knowing it would annoy him, "Snack break over?"

"Stop shit talking." Julie spoke through her mouthful, "Go!"

The taller deer morpher took a step forward. Keeping an arm extended. His palm pushing harshly against Elliot's block.

Elliot's block pushed back against Ian's hand. Swerving aside quickly. Grunting when Ian's wrapped fist collided with the side of his head. Successfully dodging Ian's hastily returning fist. He shuffled back, putting space between them.

Elliot shifted his weight onto one foot, his body swiveling to the side. He partially throws out a foot his shin painfully meeting Ian's suspecting fist. Elliot retracts his foot in a wide sweeping motion. Planting his toes into the grass. The heel of his opposing foot landing a bit high into Ian's side. His block dropping as his torso swung lower.

Ian grit his teeth with a loud grunt. Elliot's heel crashing into one of his ribs. Ian took advantage of the lowered block. His hand grasping tauntingly at Elliot's face. Fist hitting right between Elliot's brows. And again into Elliot's side.

Elliot's head whipped back. The unexpected hits forcing his knee to buckle beneath him. Painfully holding himself up with a shaky leg.

He popped up. Bouncing breathlessly on his toes. He moved around another jab, aimed at his bruising side. The far smaller deer morpher grunting as he forced his knee into Ian's side. Cursing when a persistent fist and palm pounded against Elliot's block.

Elliot lifted his foot, pushing hard against Ian's thigh. Forcing space between them again. Fist whizzing past Elliot's face.

[the-iron-fjord]

And so ends Attack on Titan that was (for worse or worser) a regular staple to Toonami for almost a full decade.

I've been posting this Bart GIF where he eerily predicts the fate of his own show, as a way to shit on Attack on Titan because I never was a fan of this series. Little did I know, I would be vindicated by my simple assessment of this show, and Attack on Titan did indeed run itself into the ground. Watching this ultimate shitshow is the capstone of a series (no matter how bad) was a regular time waster for the last 10 or so years.

Personally, I thought it was too boring, the atmosphere was bland, and as much as I love carnage and destruction whatever was in this show didn't save it for me. The mysteries it set up were given very poor payoffs (I STILL HATE THAT FUCKING PHOTOGRAPH IN THE BASEMENT), and any twists to the Titan lore itself felt like twists for the sake of having twists. There were a few bright spots (Based Pixis RIP, Hange, Gabi, Kenny Ackerman, Mikasa's abs), but everything else just blended together, and I don't even remember half the characters/shit that happened on this show.

It also seems like a good chunk of the fanbase that was prevalent in 2013-2014 also fell off, squandering its popularity, but for any fans left, I do have a message for you courtesy of 2014 Tumblr:

And with that, we bid adieu to Attack on Titan, it certainly was a...ride I guess. While it's going away for a while, or at least until that Requiem thing comes out later this year, I do have one thing to tell all of you.

REMEMBER THE TITANS!

Final Score: 5/10

SEE YOU SPACE TITANS

[matan4il]

Thank you for doing what I don't have the strength for. Tumblr was my escape since early teens and seeing how blindly, without a second thought, people are posting hateful and untrue things just because it's now popular and trending, is.... disheartening to say the least. So thank you, for writing and posting and spreading such coherent and down to earth information.

Hi, lovely Nonnie! *hugs you BIG*

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you (as to so many of us). It's been insane to see people watching the biggest massacre of Jews since the Holocaust, and then choosing to kick us when we're down. I just hope you remember, this moment is their low point, that they're capable of doing something like that. And it does not define your strength. Even if right now, it's scary, we will all rise from this, and being reminded that we can, is gonna be our proof that we're stronger than our haters thought, or than we even realized. *hugs you even more*

And thank you so much for the kind words! I'm so glad I can do something that helps so many. I'm gonna admit, when I started doing this, I anticipated getting hate (and I have). I didn't anticipate how much love I would get, and I'm so grateful and humbled by that. So... just. Thank you again, to you, and to every other kind person who has sent me any kind of a message. You're all bright, shining lights! And you def help me to keep going. So I hope you take that as something strengthening as well!

Sending you ALL the love! xoxox

[theladyofshalott1989]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you for the tag @heyitszev, @thetotomoo, and @infernalrusalka! It was so fun reading all of your answers, too <3333

1. How many works do you have on AO3? Eleven!

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 220,491 posted currently (about 60k more written but not posted yet).

3. What fandoms do you write for? Hogwarts: Legacy (10 works) and Bridgerton (1 work).

4. Top five fics by kudos? "Like Moths to a Flame", "Burning Bright", "The Reynolds Dilemma", "Heart's Pleasure First", "Love's Not Time's Fool".

5. Do you respond to comments? In the words of Severus Snape, "Always." <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? My Sebastian Sallow/You one-shot "What Was I Made For?"

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Nearly all of my fics end happily, but I think from a "wow, the characters went through hell and back and yet they somehow got a happy ending" perspective, I would probably say "Burning Bright."

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not directly on them yet (thankfully), but I have definitely received anonymous hate here on Tumblr and Reddit. Those people can suck it. Affectionately. 🙃

9. Do you write smut? Yup.👍

10. Craziest crossover? No crossovers yet, although I'm hoping to write a Hook (the 1991 movie) & Peter Pan (the book by J.M. Barrie) long-fic someday. That's not all that crazy though...haha.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of, but I don't go looking. Eek.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but that would be very cool!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I'm currently co-writing an MC x MC fic with heyitszev. Someday we'll (hopefully) finish it because it's SO FREAKING GOOD ALREADY. AHHH.

14. All time favorite ship? I have consumed many ships over the years, but the one that always sticks with me is Cassian/Jyn (aka Rebelcaptain) from Rogue One. My own ship (Sebastien, Sebastian x Damien) may also be added to this list soon as these boys have consumed my every waking thought for nearly a year and a half now. Lol.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I don't think I've ever not finished a WIP? Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself...

16. What are your writing strengths? Banter, emotional whiplash (sorry lol), foreshadowing, and plot twists. At least I think so. Haha.

17. Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I like it! I minored in Spanish in college and have always wanted to use Spanish in a fic, but haven't really had the opportunity to yet. Maybe if I ever get around to writing a Cassian Andor-centered fic, I'll finally do it. We'll see.

18. First fandom you wrote in? Star Wars! I wrote a shit ton of Anakin/Padme when I was a young teen.

19. Favorite fic you've written? If you had asked me a few months ago, it would have been "Burning Bright", but it's now my current WIP, "You Cannot Put a Fire Out." I put a lot of myself and my insecurities into these two fics, and they were both written at a pretty emotionally turbulent time of my life, so they have a special place in my heart.

20. There's no twentieth question, so take this as your cue to give yourself a hug. (Yes, I'm talking to you!) <3

No pressure tags: @morelikeravenbore @endless-starlight-legacy

[tlouxobsessed]

College Affairs

why hello there, this is my official story on here; this is going to be a longish story. I had posted previously what it shall be about (for the most part) I'm also going to do a quick Q/A about me; my stories and my other socials. ALSO!!! I am completely new to this app, I have no idea how to use Tumblr or make it aesthetic. I have seen a few amazing profiles and wonder how they get it so nicely. So please bear with me if my story setups are shit. I take requests, my dm's are always open for messaging on how to be better and or write better. The actual story itself is going to start further down on this page. I'm not very sure how many chapters exactly it'd have but we will see y'know? Anyways back to the Q/A

My name is Maddie; I enjoy writing stuff like this. I have a wattpad, instagram and tiktok account for tlou fan stuff. I don't post much on Instagram nor tiktok but it is more for promotional purposes. I have my wattpad linked at all times in all my bios. @tlouxobsessed

I have an amazing girlfriend who also writes. Her @ on Wattpad AND Tumblr is @iluvtlou; she's an amazing writer and we both write pretty hot smut on there.

ANYWAYS!!! with that being said here is the story. For those of you who do not know what this story will be about; scroll on my page and you should find the small description :) Please don't forget to like this story and follow me :) as I said my dm's are always open 24 hours a day, I hope you all are having a great day/night! enjoy my loves :3

The beginning of this story will be mostly in Y/N's point of view. There will contain SMUT! smoking, drinking, sexual content; assault, swearing, aggression. There will also probably be LOTS OF SMUT/KINK TALK!!!

enjoy you freaks ;)

——————————————————————————-

CHAPTER I

————————

I was seven years old when my mother passed away, I was nine when my grandfather went into a coma; four months later my father had chosen to take the only man who ever cared for him, off of life support. When I was twelve my cat ran away, I found him beaten to death presumably by the neighborhood kids. Soon after my fourteenth birthday my grandmother had gotten hit by a car trying to pick up my younger brother from school. I was pretty used to the overgrowing grief in my life; none of my friends ever stayed, my family members died left and right, my pets my little crushes never liked me back. My life felt like the universe hated me. That was until my first year of high school, It had been a few months since my grandmother passed. I was living with my dad, brother and old sister.

We had two pets, a dog and a cat. Every now and then when I'd stare at Miley for long enough, I thought about Robin; god I felt so bad when I found her, her once grey fur was caked with dried blood. Her big green eyes stared at me begging for me to help her or at least take her out of her misery. I laid there holding her decaying body for hours, I sobbed into the crevasse of her neck. I went home later that day after burring her in the woods behind our home. I walked into my house covered in dried blood, in my hands was a ball of once fluffy grey cat hair. I sobbed, running into my older sisters arms.

"Y/N? what happened? baby look at me" I just resting my head on her shoulder sobbing, gripping the back of her white tank with my blood crusted hands. I'd think about that day when I'd stare into Miley's bright blue eyes, she was a white and brown cat. God she's a sweetheart, Robin was monstrous. She tore up whatever she could, she'd piss in your shoes if she didn't like you. One time Mackenna brought over a guy, slept with him but when he went to leave his shoes were both filled to the brim with piss, cat litter and a small toy that would squeak a "MEOW" when pressed on. I couldn’t stop laughing when my sister had told me about it. She cursed me, pushing me off of her bed. I landed on my back hitting the side of her dresser with my right palm while cracking up once again.

See my life wasn’t all that bad? Middle school wasn’t horrible. I made some friends that actually stayed. Lila, Katie and Richard. I loved them to death. I met Lila the first three months into ninth grade.

~flashback~

I walked into second period, we were about three months into school, I was exhausted from the night before. I studied my ass off for Mr.Brown's class. I was not prepared for that test but I had no choice. I had always gotten good grades until I started realizing I had feelings for some for the girls around me. I couldn't focus anymore; I felt wrong and gross with myself for looking at Madelyn Calvins like that or Jessi Smoldminor. I felt weird feelings when Jessi would come around but I tried brushing them off. I didn't have any friends after I came out to Jessi. She told everybody that I was a "fucking weird homo that you should stay away from." I spent the ride home on my bus that day sobbing, I screamed at myself when I got home that night.

"PLEASE JUST BE NORMAL!!" this all ended soon after I watched videos on youtube, realizing Jessi was probably just closeted. A mean internalized homophobic girl.

Anyways, I walked in sitting down by myself perusual, I didn't realize I wasn't alone until I felt a tap on my shoulder. A few weeks had gone by since the incident so I brushed it off as some person trying to bother me. "hey" I glanced over at the girl. She was probably 5'3, blonde hair and blue eyes. She had huge tits for a fourteen-fifteen year old. "hi" I said back questioning why this pretty girl was talking to me. I prepared myself for the worst until she just asked "do you have a pencil?"

four years later and we're the best of friends. When Brody Hunters broke up with her to go date Olivia Leone, she was devastated and I was by her side. When Jordan Micheals cheated on me I sobbed into her arms while she concealed me. We were inseparable. She never judged me for liking girls; even when I liked the most VULGAR girls.

I met Katie in tenth grade, she was in our gym class. She soon became our friend, we were known as THE trio at school. By tenth grade Katie had come out to us as Bisexual, obviously we supported her. Around this time I was already openly gay at school so I was usually told first when people were questioning. I had always gotten the “how did u know u were gay?” texts from girls I had never really spoken to. Or even the “I’m gay 4 u” comments on my posts. I always cringed but went along with it because I adored attention.

We met Richard because Lila and him started going out, they met at some fair in the Summer of late tenth grade. Ever since it has been the four of us. We graduated high school last week. I never thought I was going to make it but my friends really did help me. Before anybody asks, yes Katie and I DID have a small thing that went on but we both decided it was better off as friends.

We all got into the same College, University of Seattle. I was excited and so was Katie, her and I had become even closer since Richard and Lila. I suspected Katie was catching feelings for me again but I was NOT about to ruin our friendship again.

I walked over to my bedroom mirror staring into it. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I've grown a lot since freshman year, I used to be 5'4, long light brown hair, blue eyes and small breasts. The girl that stared back at me was nothing like that. She was 5'6, medium length dark brown hair from being dyed so many times. Bright blue eyes, long eyelashes and plump lips. Double D's and a solid ass. I didn't realize how much I had progressed. I threw on a white tank top, some blue jeans and a hoodie. I slipped on my converse and grabbed my phone taking a quick pic of my room before heading out. Today was the last day of being at my house, I live a few hours away from my new school. Katie was on her way, I was shitting bricks. I was hoping to room with Katie but we got placed on different floors.

katieee my lovey - hi baeee i'm almost there 'kay? i wanna stop at panera after we get richie and lil

I adore Katie, I really do. She is a sweetheart, we did way too much together to ever truly be considered just friends but I saw her as a best friend just as much as a fuck buddy.

y/n - hiiii kk sounds good txt me when ur here i have smmmm shit to bring to ur car. gnna make mack and shawn help me ;(

katieee my lovey - okay my love ill come in and help too love u almost there xoxo

----------------------------------

I ran downstairs towards the kitchen grabbing out a juice box pushing the straw into it and sucking out the liquid. I sighed at the orangish liquid coming through the clear straw just as I heard somebody coming in.

"heyy mama" Katie said walking towards me placing a sloppy kiss onto my left cheek. "hi babe, ready?" I asked gesturing towards my stairs.

Katie and Mack helped me carry out my items while Shawn sat on the couch watching his cartoons. I rolled my eyes at his laziness while we strained our backs carrying the heavy boxes into Katie's car.

"i'm really nervous Katie" I said to her once we were in the car alone. I wish I was still eleven laying in Mack's bed while we snuggled and watched movies talking about her new boy crush on the week. I must've dozed off because when I opened my eyes we were at Panera, Richard and Lila in the back seat swapping spit as Katie pulled into the parking lot.

"we're here you fucking love birds, yuck you're making me loose my appetite!!" Katie snarled. I laughed unbuckling myself heading into the building. I knew Katie's older sister Dina, went to Seattle university but that was the only upper class man I had knew. I was nervous trying to get down as much of my BLT as I could.

Once back on the road, I heard the two in the back once again swapping spit, their mouths smacking until finally I turned around.

"guy's SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I yelled, the two looked at me laughing then turned back to eating one another's faces.

"you ok babe?" Katie asked.

"I dunno I just feel really off, I'm nervous ya'know?"

"you need to get laid" I couldn't help but laugh at Katie's stupid comment. She looked at me smirking, no no no no. I was not going to do that again. I turned my head quickly looking out the window. I could feel the head spreading between my legs when I recalled that night. We were thirty minutes away now, I'm sure a little reminiscing wouldn't hurt anybody....right?

~flashback~

I was distraught. The text message I had just gotten from my girlfriend of over a year and a half. The "i'm so sorry my baby please- i didnt mean to she just was there i was drunk!" I broke up with her right away running to Katie's house.

She opened up the doors, I ran in collapsing into her arms. "oh my- baby what happened c'mere." Katie scooped me up placing her on her bed, I sobbed loudly until Dina and some girl walked by the slightly ajar door. The girl with her had auburn hair, green eyes and was around 5'5. She was pretty, her freckles sprouted out, her green sweatshirt and dark brown pants snug nicely on her body. I was attracted immediately but too sad to talk to her. Around this time my body was growing, my breasts were now a solid C, my ass was fatter and my make up skills were getting better.

I glanced away from the door looking into the Katie's eyes, I couldn't help what I did anymore. I was sad and needed somebodies love. I pushed my lips against hers. I was the one facing towards the door so I was able to see through the small crack, the auburn haired girl watched for a few minutes as my hands rose up the back of Katie's shirt, unclipping her bra and cupping one of her breasts while continuing to kiss her. I saw her finally walk away then shutting my eyes so I'd be back into the moment with Katie.

Normally I would've gone to Lila to sob but Richard was over so they'd defiantly be busy. My hand lowered down Katie's pants rubbing her clit-

"we're here!!" I glanced over at Katie who had her hand on my thigh, I was soaked at this point and I needed her. The last time we had hooked up was a few months prior. Katie hadn't ever been with someone until after we first ever fucked, then she dated some girl but that didn't last long.

We all carried what we could to the front desk, I looked around seeing tons of newly adults crying while hugging their parents goodbye. My dad was at work today, he said he'd come down tomorrow and help me upack, but meanwhile I knew Dina,Katie, Richard and Lila would help.

"Hi name please" the woman said at the front desk, she was wearing a tight black blouse and a purple skirt.

"y/n" I said watching as she aggressively typed into the computer, the keys clacking gave me a sense of relief. It had reminded me of when my mother would be typing on her computer while I sat with Mackenna eating our grilled cheeses.

"Here you go hun! room 3476...." she handed me the keys, I heard her say something to Katie but I walked a few feet away analyzing the keys. I saw a girl walk up to me meanwhile my head still being down.

"AHH MY BABY!!!" I looked up just as the black haired girl wrapped her arms around my neck tightly. I realized it was Dina, all my tension left. I felt so much better knowing she was going to be here, behind her stood a 6'2 Asian guy and the auburn haired girl. I hadn't seen her in years.

Her hair was shorter, her green eyes more vibrant and her freckles more prominent. She smiled at me putting her hand behind her head, scratching the back of her neck.

"how have you been my love??" Dina asked pulling the man behind her closer up so she could introduce him.

"I've been okay! you? anddd who is this?" I asked smirking.

"I've been great thank you lovey! this is Jesse my boyfriend" she said back raised her eyebrows. I laughed pushing her shoulder just as Katie walked up next to me. She leaned her head on my shoulder, I felt her warm breath hitting my neck. Chills went down my spine, I could feel my thighs getting warm again.

"Oh hey Ellie" Katie said looking at the auburn haired girl. SHIT! that's her name I literally could not remember. "hey katie" she said glancing down at her feet shuffling them around.

"anyways babe I got room 2489, so not THAT far but far enough hah" Katie laughed while dragging me along.

"wait what's your room?" Ellie asked referring to me. I looked at her struggling to make eye contact..."oh uh 3476..."

"no way...that's my room...c'mon I'll show you to it" I followed the girl up to the elevator as Katie and the rest followed. I was assuming Richard and Lila would stay back so they could have a quickie.

"It's just right this way, they told me I was getting a roommate but I thought it was jus' gunna be some random senior" I nodded, Ellie glanced back at me raising an eyebrow at my quiet reply.

She opened the door which had revealed a medium sized room. One of the sides was completely empty aside from a dark oak bedroom set with a small side table. There was a twin sized mattress which I was assumed to be mine.

I placed my box onto the bed taking out my light grey sheets and dark grey comforter, I began placing it onto my bed just as Katie ran over stopping me...

"I got it baby, you just unpack the rest of your shit, 'kay?"

I started unpacking the other tow boxes I had brought in, Jesse and Dina pulled Ellie aside telling her something. i could hear the aggressive whispering as the two left the room. Leaving it to be Katie, Ellie and I. God I'm so uncomfortable.

The room had a small island counter with a stove, a microwave above that; a sink, and a medium sized refrigerator. A door was shut which I was assuming was a bathroom.

Katie had finished making the bed for me, she walked over to me hugging me, "I'm gonna go start unpacking my shit, here is my spare key for when you go get the rest of your stuff. Let's get dinner later, I'll text you around six. Love you" She said to me kissing my cheek.

She waved Ellie a goodbye, walking out the door slamming it shut. Oh shit she was mad mad.

"okay I have to know.....are you guys dating orrrr"

I looked over at Ellie dropping my beaver stuffed animal onto the bed, turning around to face the girl. "no." Was all I said. I didn't feel like explaining but I knew I'd have to eventually. "okay...uh well I gotta go to my girlfriend's so see ya after?"

Aw shit. she had a girlfriend.

I nodded turning back to what I was doing, I had lots to unpack.

an hour later

"fuck man" I said harshly breathing out as I threw my last box onto the floor. I opened it up taking out my last few pairs of jeans placing them into the bins under my bed. I walked over to the drawers on my side of the room opening them hoping for some empty space.

I looked down seeing a large light pink strap-on. I was just about done. I closed the drawers gagging. I quickly pulled out my phone snapping a picture.

"MY BABIESSS"

y/n - why is my roommate a strap-on lesbo.

*one attachment*

lila baby - LMAOAOAOOA BROOOO

katieee my lovey - IM CRYING NOOOOO

richard (dick) - no way GROSS

I laughed turning my phone off. This was going to be hard.

Quite 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲.

Part 2