#or as Wrex perhaps knows it

[championsandheroes]

I would like to have a word with whoever decided that the correct way to deploy the mako was approximately eighty miles above the planet's atmosphere. And not just because I'm scared of heights.

Over at Patreon, society6, and redbubble we don’t throw you out of a moving vehicle at an alarming height, mako or no mako.

[hanasnx]

“ COLLIDE LIKE TWO STARS FOR A WHILE ” — shakarian.

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ NOTES: during ME1, pre-romance. WARNINGS: fem shepard | spacer backstory, if you squint | established relationship as friends | slow burn romance themes | regular romance themes | friends to lovers and this is the precursor, the friends bit, so to speak.

It’s unlikely but not impossible that extraction fails, and night falls quickly. Out in the middle of nowhere, under the stars, SHEPARD and her team of GARRUS VAKARIAN and URDNOT WREX are stranded until early next morning. They adapt, as survivalists do, and make camp with limited supplies. Communications are on the fritz, but she’s not worried yet, right now they should get some rest. “You two get a head-start, I’ll keep first watch.” she’d said. It had been a while since then, the fire’s low, and she yawns into her hand. At least it’s a hell of a view, she hasn’t been somewhere without light pollution in years. She sees stars outside the windows of the Normandy all the time, but nothing like this. Perhaps there’s some ancient human in her after all, the kind that once-in-a-while needs solid ground under her feet while she gazes into the sparkling canopy of the skies. She draws in a deep, calming breath. This mission didn’t go her way, it’s been nothing but tough choices and rushed half-baked ideas trying to catch up to Saren. Now they’re stuck, waiting here until their retrieval.

Some rustling, then footsteps sound behind her, and she pivots her head in the direction at attention until she recognizes them. Garrus comes to stand aside her, the curves of his armor illuminated in the dull light. “Any action, Commander?”

Shepard is reminded of herself, sitting straighter at the sight of her subordinate. Elbows rest on her propped up knees, and her gloved fingers fiddle to get the blood flowing. Through her exhaustion, she musters a weak “heh.” cocking her head to reach the back of her neck to her hand and give it a rub. With a tired quirk to her lips she responds, “Not yet, Vakarian, but the night’s still young.”

Garrus aligns himself, and slowly seats next to her releasing a sigh on the way down. “I came to relieve you.”

"Yeah, I'll turn in in a minute." she replies, facing forward. He mirrors her position. Through lids not yet heavy, she watches the horizon, the long stretch of flatland curtained by the blue night. A thought occurs, and her brows quirk, glancing at him slyly. "It hasn't been that long. Couldn't sleep?"

"You could say that." he concedes, and pivots his body in the direction of the lumpy sleeping bag confining Wrex. "He snores, you know."

Something about Garrus's skill with subtle comedic timing has her scoff through her nose, curling her lips a second time that night. "Didn't notice." she audibly realizes, downturning her mouth with a discreet shrug. "At least one of us will be well-rested tomorrow."

"He'll have to carry us to the Normandy." he says it like it's a warning, but it passes over her head.

"Oh, I'm sure he'll love that." she quips, but she's far too drained to come up with anything clever to sustain the banter—not that she could outrun Garrus's mouth on a good day.

It's quiet for a moment. The noises of night fill the space from lack of conversation, and the dimmest of embers retreat into the centers of the wood from the fire.

Sheepishly, he studies her. "Commander?" His gaze shifts to his wrists resting on his propped up knees. "About today..." His fist forms as it hangs off the precipice, and he wishes he had a blade of grass to rip up between his fingers—anything to ease the churn in his stomach over bringing this up.

"Don't mention it, Garrus. Shit happens." A plainly informal response so abrupt it takes him aback. He's never known Shepard to be a shining example of professionalism, but the wall that's usually between them feels a little thinner right now. "Whatever went wrong it's my fault anyway."

Taking responsibility like a leader... he thinks. Against his judgment—quick to fight her for accountability and insist there's nothing she could've done—he seals his mandibles and waits.

"I've never been the Commander of my own ship before." she observes it like it's just now sinking in, and Garrus senses the beginning of an anecdotal explanation. It's an exceedingly rare thing, knowing next to nothing about Shepard's personal life that she supplied herself, he dares not move lest he break the miraculous trance she's in. "I've led units, sure, but I was always going home on someone else's orders. Now, it's different." She leans her weight to one side, lifting her foot to kick at a rock in front of her boot. The jagged edges of it draw a swirling picture in the loose sandy dirt. "I can't call the Council every time I need help." She settles into her seat, crossing her arms in a lax hug of her knees as she curls forward. It's... child-like.

Garrus is at a loss. This shade of vulnerability on his commanding officer is unseen and it's an understatement to say it's difficult to navigate. If he says the wrong thing, she'll remember who she's talking to, who she is, and the last thing she wants is to be pitied—that much he does know. He clenches his jaw. This is some freak combination of a mission gone sideways, the night air, her exhaustion, and his chance presence—it must be. There won't be another moment like this, and he doesn't want to screw up her opinion of him.

It's quiet again. "I can be your help." dies on his lips. A heavy weight presses into his chest, like he let her down.

"You're from Palaven, right?" The inquiry catches him off guard, and he perks up.

"Palaven?" his tone conveys his confusion about the abrupt shift, as if it's irrelevant where he hails from. "Er, yes. Cipritine, to be exact." After supplying the answer, he wears a shade of embarrassment on his neck for forgetting to address her properly. The question of whether or not he should've added a "sir" irks him, and his claws through his gloves scrape over the armor at his knee.

"What's it like there?"

If he was crossing the line, she made no show of it. Instead he saw the reflection of the stars in her eyes, and he wondered if she was trying to imagine his birthplace, or see it from where she sits now, thousands of lightyears away.

He hasn't given it much thought since he left, but for her sake, he'll make an exception. Glancing at his lap, he tries to remember what was so special about it other than a place to live, a place to be proud of simply because it sired him. He has respect for where he came from, but does he have love? He's unsure facing it head-on now. Regardless, he tries to describe it objectively. "It's... nice- I think. Warm... and- and safe."

After those few words, he gauges her reaction uneasily, but she's unfazed. Hundreds of twinkling lights in her gaze as she focuses on each one, pupils darting side-to-side as if she's counting them. Her body language relaxes, releasing her legs to let them fall apart, as her hands fix behind her, leaning on them.

Her comfort, it instills him. "Tall, silver spires reaching for the skies. It's... not like here." The surrounding flat land is nothing but sparse withered palmed trees and dry dirt. As he takes it all in, his eyes land on the back of her hand within reach of him. His heart rate picks up, and for one lapse he envisions placing his own there—like it's the right time for it. However, such a deeply inappropriate idea crazes him, sharply whipping his head away from the view of it to avoid considering it for another second. Considering it was a mistake, accidentally born out of these special circumstances and nothing more. To change the subject of his own mind, he adds, "Uh, well, what about you? Where are you from?" His words come out a little too quick for his tastes, falling clumsily out of his mouth as he nervously gestures towards her.

Shepard shrugs. "Never spent enough time in one place to know, really."

Within that small sentence, Garrus begins to feel a new appreciation for his home, one he may have took for granted before. "Oh." He star-gazes with her, and for a moment he wonders if he can see Palaven from here.

"It's alright. Cipritine sounds nice." she says, sincerely. It eases him.

"Maybe you'll visit it one day." he offers this suggestion hopefully as if in attempt to lift her spirits.

Her brows furrow, and a smile of disbelief stretches onto her features, spotlighted by starshine. "Yeah, as soon as I grow some Turian hide. Right."

"Heh. Right."

A loud and obnoxious groan of frustration alerts the pair, pivoting their necks in its direction, but exchanging eye contact with each other instead. "Will you kids keep it down? Some of us are trying to get some sleep over here." the throaty voice of Wrex scolds them, yanking them back into reality. Both of their bodies suddenly feel a little heavier.

"Speaking of which," Shepard gets up, and dusts herself off. "I should, uh, get some sleep." She jabs her thumb over her shoulder in the direction of the sleeping bags, ignoring the way Wrex rolls over, grumbling to himself.

"You do that." Garrus nods to her.

"Take it easy." she tells him, and the sound of her footsteps distance themselves from his ear.

Just like that, the wall is back up... but it's a little thinner than before.

[kumeko]

A/N: For the @normandyzine! I really need to write some Garrus/Shep, it’s shameful I have none after romancing him for two games.

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…

…

Shepard was drunk. No, she was just tipsy. The tingling in her fingers hadn’t quite reached the rest of her body and her cheeks were merely warm. She could walk in a straight line, shoot in a straight line, and fight like nobody’s business. The only thing she couldn’t do was dance, but she’d never been able to do that in the first place.

She wished she was drunk, though. That would actually explain why she had just missed such an easy target. Biting her cheek as she lowered her rifle, Shepard glared at the beer bottle falling down into the Citadel’s pool. This was ridiculous; she’d made harder shots in her sleep. Hell, even drunk, she’d survived a battle or two. This was just downright embarrassing.

Judging by Wrex’s boisterous guffaw and Garrus’ barely concealed laughter, her companions knew it too. Shepard resisted the urge to turn around and glare at them. Instead, she checked her gun’s scope again, vainly hoping for a faulty component.

“I calibrated it myself,” Garrus called out from behind her, still chuckling. He sounded smug as fuck. “Don’t pretend it’s the gun’s fault.”

Joker snorted, mirth colouring his voice. Clearly, he’d drunk enough to think he was safe if he teased her. “Surely she wouldn’t do something so unprofessional.”

Clearly, she hadn’t ingrained fear into his bones yet.

Even in the night, there was no end to traffic in the Citadel. Vehicles zipped along above, their lights making a laser path through the open air. And despite all that noise, she could still hear the three buffoons behind her. Shepard spun on her heel and glared. “Want to say that again?”

“No, ma’am,” Joker immediately chimed. She couldn’t tell if he was mocking her or if he was serious. These days, he had been taking more liberties than usual and she missed the time when he’d actually taken her anger seriously.

“What happened to your aim while I was gone? You slacking off?” Wrex guffawed again, his foot stomping on the bridge hard. The citadel had been made to withstand a large variety of alien races, of all sizes, shapes, and strengths. Somehow, it still shuddered. There were few things that could withstand a Krogan.

“Shepard? Slacking off?” Garrus shook his head dismissively. “Can you imagine it?”

Joker shuddered. Forgetting her warning, he commented, “I don’t think she even knows the meaning of relaxing. Do you know how hard it was to convince her to give us a vacation?”

“I mean, to be fair, do we even have time for that?” Garrus admitted reluctantly, picking up another bottle from his duffel bag. The poor thing looked overstuffed; as ever, he was overprepared. Even for something as silly as this shooting contest.

“It’s not like it’d kill us,” Joker complained, crossing his arms. His gun was at his feet, too far to be useful should Shepard decide to do anything. Perhaps he hadn’t had enough near-death experiences to be prepared. She was more than willing to correct that.

Unfortunately, there was little she could do to stop the other two from talking. Garrus shook his head and corrected, “It would kill us. This is what, the third time we have to save the world in as many years? If we took the day off, who knows what could happen.”

“I’m right here,” Shepard bit out, annoyed by the back and forth.

Joker continued as though she hadn’t said anything. “There are other Spectres, right? I’m sure they’ll pick up the slack—hell, they probably need to, we’ve been doing their job for them.”

The universe was going to end in a few days. Maybe she should make sure their days end even before that. They were at the top of the Presidium. They were all drunk. A single push and she could claim it was an accident. She already had Grunt to replace Wrex’s firepower and Tali was shaping up to be an expert marksman.

As for Joker…well, Edi could fly well enough on her own.

“With that aim, she’ll kill you anyways,” Wrex taunted. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing with that smirk of his.

She might as well do it now while there were no witnesses. It couldn’t be that hard to assassinate a drunk Krogan. Shepard raised her gun, aiming at them. “Oi, peanut gallery. Shut up.” She pointed the gun at Wrex. “And I’m not slacking off. I’m just…tipsy.”

“Tipsy?” Wrex picked up his gun and waved it around. “I’ve had better shots while black-out drunk.”

“You’re always drunk,” Shepard dismissed, dropping her gun and stalking over to the equipment bag. “It’s a self defense mechanism. But since you’re so confident, you’re next.”

Garrus chortled as readied his arm. “You heard the lady.”

“When has she ever been a lady?” Wrex questioned. His gun looked like a toy in his big hands. In all honesty, this competition was heavily skewed against him. For all of Wrex’s battle prowess, he had never been one for shooting or aiming. Then again, with his strength, he never needed to.

“Just go already,” Shepard barked before turning her glare towards Joker. She felt surge of satisfaction when he flinched. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten about you.”

“Fuck,” Joker cursed, taking a step back, his crutch slipping slightly on the metal floor. He chuckled nervously. “That was a…self defense mechanism?”

“Don’t think Edi’ll save your ass,” Shepard warned, taking a threatening step forward. “You might be dating our ship but I’m still her commander.”

Garrus threw the bottle at the same time.

Wrex pulled the trigger, missing entirely. Even before the bottle crashed into the water, Wrex spun on his heel. He snapped his attention to Joker. “You’re dating the Normandy?”

“Edi’s not the Normandy!” Joker protested, holding up a hand and its crutch. His brow furrowed, his smile turning crooked as he tried to explain. “Or well, she is, but not just? She’s more than that now.”

“Oh, so you admit you’re dating a ship,” Garrus teased, his eyes crinkling. They’d been trying to get Joker to say it aloud for weeks now.

Meanwhile, Wrex looked like he had been hit with a bomb. “I always knew you were special, but…”

“It’s my fault.” Shepard sighed, rubbing her neck. She gazed out dramatically into the brightly lit Presidium. “I should have given him more vacation days.”

“Would that have helped?” Wrex questioned, his gun hanging limply by his side.

“You guys know I can hear this, right?” Joker asked, pouting.

“Probably not.” Shepard shrugged, ignoring him. Revenge was sweet. Smirking wickedly, she pointed at Wrex’s gun. “What was that last shot? Are you slacking off now that you’re a dad?”

“If only.” Wrex blanched, looking more exhausted and terrified than he had on any of their missions together. And considering they had saved the universe several times over, that was saying something. Shepard had heard from Eve just how obsessive the women had gotten after Mordin’s sacrifice; she could only imagine Wrex’s pain.

There were enough rumours about how Krogan sex was just like Krogan warfare: messy, bloody, and utterly destructive. Shepard had never wanted to confirm if that was true. Seeing Wrex was enough of an answer without getting nightmares.

She felt a tinge of sympathy and patted his back lightly. “Maybe you should have Grunt help.”

“You trying to kill me?” Wrex growled, shuddering.

“Fair point.” Shepard wasn’t sure what’d be worse: Grunt declaring war on everything that breathed, or a dozen little ones with his exact temperament. She jabbed her chin at Garrus. “You’re up.”

“I’ll throw.” If the gun looked like a toy in Wrex’s hands, the bottle looked like a doll’s toy.

“Don’t break it,” Joker warned. “Death Angel over there already has the advantage.”

“It’s Archangel,” Garrus corrected immediately, raising his gun. “And even if I had a hand behind my back and both eyes closed, I’d beat you.”

Joker’s shoulders slumped. He leaned on a crutch and tugged on his baseball cap with his other hand. “I know you’re joking, but somehow it feels like you could.”

“Who said I was joking?” Garrus teased, his eye pressed against the scope. Despite his response, he was clearly already focused and tuning out the conversation.

Wrex didn’t so much as grunt as he hurled the bottle, not even bothering to warn anyone. “Try that!”

There was a small bang and the glass shattered. Tiny pieces of glass rained down. Garrus lowered his gun and smirked. “And that’s how it’s done.”

Shepard scrunched her nose, annoyed. A smug Garrus was insufferable. “Show off.”

Wrex laughed, shaking his head. “Show off.”

Joker sighed, utterly used to this. “Show off.”

“I can feel the jealousy.” Garrus patted his gun affectionately. “Maybe if you took better care of your gear, you’d have better aim.”

“You haven’t changed a bit,” Wrex grunted, picking up another bottle. “The only thing that’s different about you is the rule bending. Who’s next?”

“Nah, he’s gotten cockier,” Shepard chimed in with a shit-eating grin as she watched Garrus.

“Is that even possible?” Joker held out his hand for a gun. “It’s my turn, right?”

“I can’t believe you actually want to compete with us.” Garrus handed over his weapon. He rifled through the bag and pulled out another bottle. “Maybe you should stick to what you’re good at.”

“Then’d he’d do nothing,” Shepard quipped, taking the pot-shot.

“Oh, fuck you.” Joker awkwardly held up his gun with one hand. It shook lightly as he tried to steady his aim. “I can shoot just fine.”

“You’re shakier than an earth worm.” Garrus winded up his arm and hurled the bottle.

Joker gritted his teeth and pulled the trigger. Still intact, the bottle arced through the air and fell into the pool with a soft splash. “Aww, come on.”

Shepard laughed. “Your aim’s as good as ever.”

Joker dropped his gun. “I’ll remember that the next time you’re telling me to fly fast between two ships.” He raised his nose and huffed. “Maybe I won’t do it.”

“And risk breaking your girlfriend?” Shepard snorted as she plucked two beer bottles from the cooler. She handed one over to him. “Promises, promises.”

Joker scowled as he accepted the drink. “Screw you.”

“Hey, don’t take my job,” Garrus sniped, taking a swig from his beer. “She barely has time for me.”

“You still have to tell me how this happened.” Wrex didn’t bother with small sips. He just downed the bottle in one go and grabbed a second. “I’m not sure which is more unbelievable, Shepard or Vakarian.”

“Maybe after we’re done.” Garrus tapped his bottle. “I’m not nearly drunk enough for love talk.”

Shepard shook her head. “Me neither.” She set down her bottle beside her and gazed out into the Citadel. Lights twinkled from the various shops lining the structure and she could hear the distant din of crowds wandering the streets.

“Guess this is it,” Joker finally said, breaking the silence. He leaned on his crutch as he stared at his bottle. “Didn’t think I’d spend my last day getting insulted.”

“Why not?” Shepard quipped, sitting down on the edge of the bridge. Planting a hand behind her, she leaned back and took another sip. “That’s everyday for you, right?”

“Ha. Ha.” Joker rolled his eyes. “Very funny. But seriously. Can’t think of anyone I’d rather be with.”

“Aside from EDI?” Garrus asked. Shepard knew there was a reason they got along so well.

Joker groaned. “You’re never going to shut up about that, are you?”

Wrex laughed. It echoed through the night air. “Why would we?”

“Right, right. My mistake,” Joker grumbled. He drank angrily before tossing his empty bottle off the bridge.

“Litterbug,” Garrus chided before sitting down next to Shepard. “But I get the feeling. I can’t think of anything better to do either. Well, maybe one thing…” He trailed off, smirking.

Shepard bumped shoulders with Garrus and rolled her eyes at his last comment. “You guys are getting real sentimental on me. Should I be worried?”

“Probably not.” Garrus bumped back. “Think we can win?”

“Is that even a question?” Wrex interrupted, snorting. “Not like you to doubt.”

“I’m not. Just…” Garrus scratched his jaw as he contemplated his words. “I don’t know. It feels different from all the other times, somehow.”

“Yeah, it’s kinda…bigger?” Joker lifted his baseball cap and fanned his head. “Harder? It’s just different.”

Shepard lowered her eyes, understanding. It did feel different. Like it was the accumulation of experiences, like she had been preparing for this fight for years. In a way, she had been—she just couldn’t have expected it when she’d first landed on Eden Prime, when she’d first glimpsed the unknown.

But she’d pulled a trigger back then, whether she knew it or not. The next fight was just the bullet finally leaving the chamber.

She’d have to make sure it struck true.

Shepard cleared her throat. She’d never been good at reassuring crap, but after all they’d been through, they were her friends more than they were just crewmates. If nothing else, she had to try. “The stakes are higher, but it’s the same thing we always do: bust in and beat up the baddies. We just have to win. We don’t really have a choice.”

She could feel them staring at her. Garrus broke the silence first. “Was that a pep talk?”

“A terrible one,” Joker chimed in, getting revenge.

Wrex roared, laughing, “Never change, Shepard.”

“Fuck off.” Shepard elbowed Garrus. “Next round. I’ll beat all of you.”

“We’ll see about that.” Garrus set his empty bottle on the side and stood up. He held out his hand as he asked quietly, “But seriously, are you ready?”

She smiled softly as she gripped his hand. “Not really, but that hasn’t stopped me yet.”

He chuckled. “True. You know, you never told me what was the one thing you really wanted to do.”

Shepard stared at him blankly before recalling their car ride earlier. She’d half-forgotten he’d even asked. “That…not sure, really. I know what I want to do after, though.”

Garrus cocked his head. “And that’s?”

“A vacation. A long one.” Shepard stretched her arms above her. “Think the universe can handle itself without me for a month?”

He laughed. “It won’t last half an hour.” Garrus wrapped an arm around her shoulder and squeeze. “But I do know a great place to hide away for a while.”

“Oh?” Shepard leaned against him. “I like the sound of that.”

[drelldreams]

Hi there! Some asks from the ask game for you :)

🎤 - Favorite voice actor? What do you like about their voice acting?

🧡 - Favorite non-Shepard pairings? Why do you love this/those pairing(s)?

Thank you! :)

🎤 - Favorite voice actor? What do you like about their voice acting?

I love Miranda‘s voice actress (Yvonne Strahovski) so much. Not only does her voice match the character perfectly well, but she makes the complexity of Miranda‘s character so palpable. I love the nuances in her voice acting. She can pull off so many different sides of Miranda. The arrogant Miranda who scolds Jacob for his consciousness getting the better of him. The one who claims she‘s always right and who‘s just all over pretty stern. And then later the vulnerable Miranda who falters and sounds so hurt when she tells Shepard that she doesn‘t know what she was to her father.

There are many more fantastic voice actors though. Jack‘s, Mordin‘s, Thane‘s, Garrus‘, Aria’s, Liara’s, Wrex‘s, Samara‘s voice actors being honorable mentions.. But I particularly love Yvonne. I could probably talk all day about how amazing the games‘ voice actors are. So I just settled on talking about one actor.

🧡 - Favorite non-Shepard pairing(s)? What do you love about this/those pairing(s)?

Damn you got me with that question. I‘m one of those people with dozens of ships. But I‘m going to focus on my absolute OTP‘s for this question.

So first off, I love Jackrios (Jack/Thane), as my blog description says. What I love about them is their similarity despite the extreme differences in outward demeanor.

You‘d think those two have nothing in common, perhaps. Where Thane is very polite and calm, Jack is the definition of angry and foul-mouthed.

But they had very similar upbringings. Thane‘s just had the nicer package, so to speak. Both Jack and Thane were taken from their families at a young age to be turned into murder weapons. Neither of those two ever really knew a normal life. Thane spend most of his past years in solitude, as did Jack. Thane escaped in memories, whereas for Jack it was crime and violence. Both of them, in theory, could have stopped doing what they did and picked a normal life, but neither of them ever knew normalcy, so they stuck with what was familiar to them, killing. And both of them suffer from horrific memories. Jack is haunted by her past, as is Thane. She might not have a drell‘s memory, but for all the horrors she went through, she remembers too much.

I think the differences in their personality don‘t clash, they compliment each other. Jack needs someone very much like Thane - patient, gentle, warm, but also someone tough enough not to be scared off by her rough exterior. And Thane, well.. I think it‘s pretty canon that he likes more stubborn, tough women. Remember what Irikah mouthed at Thane when he wanted to take that shot? „How dare you.“ Yeah that‘s one bad bitch.

And at the core both of them are very emotional people. You can see that by how vulnerable they show themselves during their romance. I think Thane is someone who could evoke this side of Jack and make her feel safe enough to feel learn to feel comfortable showing it.

Other than Jackrios, I adore Samara/Wrex (which I discovered in a fic some while ago) and also Samara/Thane and Samara/Miranda.. As far as friendships go I am a sucker for Jack/Grunt (seriously the found family dynamics here!), Wrex/Garrus (BroTP), Garrus/Zaeed, and Miranda/Mordin. The list goes on and on though! 🥹😅

[help-the-horse]

If You're Still Alive, My Regrets are Few

AO3 Link

Summary: The Normandy crew deal with the aftermath of Virmire.

Pairing: Dead!Kaidan Alenko/Regina Shepard/Ashley Williams Warnings: Major Character Death Words: 2,439

            Shepard was the last one to enter the room. She walked across the comms room stiffly, sitting with strained shoulders and fisted fingers.

            Ashley was the first to speak.

            “I can’t believe Kaidan didn’t make it. How could we just leave him down there?” Her voice was cracking, but she wasn’t showing any signs of crying. Her emotion seemed to come from somewhere more strained and in pain, past the point of tears. The overwhelm of emotion was not lost on the other crew members, all intent on the conversation and still.

            Shepard’s face softened for a moment, Garrus and Wrex shooting each other a glance across the room. “Alenko knew his risks going in. He gave his life to save the rest of us.” Her tone was softer than anyone had expected, and the way Shepard’s frown deepened it seemed to even surprise herself. She knew she was being more vulnerable than was good for her.

            Ashley didn’t miss a beat. “It should have been me Commander, You know that.” The words seemed to fall from her mouth. Shepherd’s change in demeanor was enough to tell her she hadn’t thought out her reply enough.

            “Chief Williams, I am your commanding officer!” Shepard’s voice got dangerously elevated, the muscles of her jaw tight. She was holding back a rage that only ever rose to the surface on the battlefield. “I did what I had to do. Do not question my orders!” Every word was harsh and clipped.

            “I-I’m sorry Commander.” Ashley seemed almost timid, the sting of pain in the back of her throat. The level of anger had intimidated even her, and the use of rank stung. She couldn’t remember the last time Shepard had used her rank as leverage.  “You saved my life, I’m grateful for that. But it should have been me. Alenko was a superior officer. I would have gladly stayed-” Her tone was uncomfortably cool, slightly too matter of fact.

            “I will not fulfill a martyrdom complex, Williams!” The reply was biting. Shepard held Ashley’s gaze, an unbridled attention on her opponent. “Kaidan’s blood is on Saren’s hands. And when I find that son of a bitch I’ll make him pay.” The flare of rage was dying, a clarity of the enemy drawing the emotion away.

            “Yes sir, I’m… We’ll get it done.” Ashley understood that she was not to push the subject, resigning herself to agreement. The unspoken words hung heavy in the air.

            “Commander?” Liara’s voice cut through the atmosphere, perhaps a bit too soon. “Excuse me for interrupting, I have an idea.” She worked to justify herself for the social misstep. “I think the beacon in Saren’s base might be similar to the one you found on Eden Prime. It may have filled in the missing pieces of your vision, I might be able to put those pieces together.”

            Ashley could hear Wrex let out a huff in the seat next to her, focusing on her shoes and not at the empty seat next to her, or the face of the inexperienced Asari.

            “Nobody is messing with my head any more.” Shepard motioned sharply and shook her head. “I’m sick of dealing with these visions!” Her patience for experiments and ‘perhaps’ and ‘maybe’ was clearly in short supply right now.

            “I understand your reluctance Commander,” Liara shifted in her chair, clearly thinking about what words to use. “But the visions are already there, I only want to help you make sense of them.” The desperation creeped into her voice. “It may be the only way to stop Saren.”

            “Looks like I don’t have a choice.” Shepard rubbed her hands through her hair, clearly angered. She hated the way Liara was able to explain the logic in a way Shepard could not argue with. She hated being the subject of a hypothesis with two independent variables. She stood in front of the Asari now, repeating the motions of what they had agreed to after Ferros. The visions flickered across Shepard’s mind, vague and uncomfortable. It reminded her of when she tried to talk about Torfan, or when she thought about Earth.

            “That’s incredible.” Liara blinked quickly and looked to the floor with a furrowed brow.

            “What did you see?” Shepard was not going to wait for the Asari to think ten steps too far ahead.

            “The vision was a distress call sent out by the Protheans about the Reapers, but it was too late.” Liara spoke in that same way she always recalled data out loud.

            “What about the Conduit?” Shepard desperately wished Liara would understand what information was critical to the mission.

            “The Conduit is on Ilos!” Liara seemed to come to the conclusion on the spot, a revelation to all the possibilities she was running in her head.

            “Why would you not mention Ilos sooner?” The other’s in the room all shuffled slightly, Ashley in particular annoyed at the lack of thought put into the question.

            “There are hundreds of systems and thousands of planets that connect to the Mu relay, Saren could have been going to any of them. I was able to recognize landmarks of Ilos from my research.”

            “We have to go to Ilos.”

            Tali was the one to cut the two off. “Good luck. The Mu relay is in the Terminus systems.” She spoke with a kind of resigned pity. “It’s outside Council space, they don’t have power out there, not even Spectres.” She crossed her arms over her chest, leaning back in her chair. Her nonchalance made Shepard bristle.

            “The Conduit is on Ilos. That is where Saren is going. I’m going to be waiting for him when he gets there.” The statement was closed to interpretation, her eyes trained on Tali. The young Quarian sat up straight.

            “Commander, Saren will have his entire fleet orbiting Ilos! We need to alert the Council and ask for aid, we are going to need-” Garrus poised to get out of his chair as Liara swayed on her feet, catching herself with a wider stance.

            “Commander?” Joker’s solemn voice came over the comms. Shepard was sure he had been listening to the entire brief from before she had even walked in. “There’s a comms buoy nearby, I can patch you through to the Citadel. In case you, y’know, want to warn them about Sovereign.”

            “Set up the link, Joker.” Shepard’s attention turned to the holodeck. The rest of the crew all stood, Ashley the first to shove her way through the half open doors.

            “Good job on Virmire Commander.” The Turian spoke, a hesitant congratulations in his tone. “Destroying a lab creating a Krogan army is quite the success.”

            Rage sparked in Shepard’s chest. “A Krogan army is not the real problem. Sovereign is the problem, the Reapers destroyed the Protheans and they’re coming for us!”

            “Yes, the Reapers. You reported a sentient machine, a true AI. This is concerning news, if it’s real, of course.” The Salarian councilor shrugged his shoulders. Shepherd’s retort was lost on him. “We haven’t gotten any additional evidence of what you are describing from any of our sources. All we know are the Reapers from your visions.”

            “The Reapers are real, Saren even admitted it!” Shepard spat the words, feeling increasingly betrayed by individuals that she never even trusted.

            “Saren has people all over the Citadel,” the Turian waved his hand. “He was using this information against you, talking about visions. And Reapers.” The Counselor nearly rolled his eyes.

            “You didn’t trust me about Saren!” Shepard pointed an accusatory finger at the hologram. “Look how that turned out for you!”

            “I think  you humans have a saying,” the Turian councilor narrowed his eyes. “Even a broken clock is right twice a day.”

            “Here’s another saying!” Shepard shifted into a combat stance. “Fuck you!”

            “Maybe we were wrong to make humans Specters. Perhaps you are too hot-headed.” The taunt was obvious, malicious and brazen.

            “Enough!” The Asari cut through the fight, just as Shepard considered disconnecting the call all together. “Shepard has performed admirably thus far. This… discussion is just a mild disagreement.”

            “We disagree a lot, Councilor.” Shepard nearly spoke through clenched teeth. She hated the way the Asari always knew how to downplay conflict and diffuse situations.

            “Think about it from our perspective,” the Counselor continued. “Saren is a threat we can recognize. As far as we know, the Reapers exist only in your visions.”

            “Our choices affect trillions of lives. We cannot rely only on the accusations of a single individual. Even a Spectre.” the Salarian seemed to add to his sentence at the last second. “Not without solid evidence.”

            “We cannot get involved in these affairs, that is why we created the Spectres.” The Asari continued her mediating.

            “If you truly believe Sovereign is the real issue, you must end it. And Saren.” The unexpected words from the Salarian was enough permission for Shepard. She could skew that as Council support if push came to shove.

            “Good luck Commander.” The Asari nodded. “From all of us.”

            Shepard walked across the bridge briskly, stopping to confirm the course to Ilos with Joker. It seemed there was something he wanted to say, but one glance at her face resulted in only a ‘yes, sir.’ She was still in her uniform from Vermire. She would usually shower and change before a debriefing, washing away the tension of gunfire and heavy armor. She had meant to shower, but she had gotten stuck trying to step into the elevator. When the time for debriefing came, she allowed herself two additional minutes. She counted all one hundred and twenty seconds, staring at only her shoes as she stepped out of the elevator and up the stairs, then through the doors of the comms room.

            But now she found herself stuck half way down the stairs, thinking about a shower that would perhaps never come. The obstacle in her way seemed insurmountable. Perhaps this is what would truly cause her resignation from the Alliance. She had to go to her quarters, she had to pass an empty workstation. She had to see that Kaidan wasn’t there, and she had the curse of knowing why. She worked to take an additional step down, feeling her knee buckle, her body fighting her. She sat on the step, curling her knees to her forehead, holding her legs with her arms. She felt the rush of tears well up behind her eyes and she stood abruptly. Regina knew she needed to get to her private quarters, so she let the adrenaline fuel her to stumble down the remaining stairs. She gritted her teeth as her vision blurred, holding her breath as she crossed the floor of the mess hall.

            She curled onto the floor just inside the door. She whined with a hand over her mouth, and then both. Her face became red with emotion, the screams and sobs still too loud in her own ears. The thought that Ashley might find her like this crossed her mind, hoping she might find support, loathing herself for wanting a shoulder to cry on. And then the thought of Kaidan coming in after her made her stop breathing. She would never have that again, including when she needed it most. The pain was overwhelming, relentless and never ending.

            The next thing she noticed, between the screaming and crying, was the opening of the door to her quarters. She turned like a cornered animal, her cheeks still streaked with tears and her face blotchy, her eyes puffy. She drew in a sharp breath to yell, feeling her vocal chords strain, tensing her body as if ready to tackle or run. The words were scratchy and thin, which made her even more angry.

            “Get out!” She had more planned in her head before she realized she had lost her voice.

            “I just got you a plate from the mess.” Garrus stood in her doorway, slowly leaving the tray on the floor with his other hand raised in surrender. He remained for an extra moment in the doorway. “You want a drink?” He asked like he was talking to a suspect he had to get along with, like he wasn’t sure if the question would escalate the situation. Shepard took a rattling breath, feeling the pounding in her head and her fist. She looked down to see she had bloody and purple knuckles, the wall beside her headboard smeared with red.

            “Yeah.” She sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of her throbbing hand. She stayed sitting on the edge of her bed as Garrus returned, took her desk chair as a seat, and poured them both a glass. Shepard downed the first one quickly as a shot, and then a second, and then a third, before Garrus poured her a half glass and she got the cue to start sipping. She was just grateful it was something strong, not like the beers Kaidan always drank.

            “You get this from Ashley?” Shepard stared at the amber liquid in her glass, her throat hurting even worse from all the alcohol and lack of adrenaline.

            “No.” Was all Garrus offered. Shepard decided she didn’t want to pursue more questions or any conversation. At least Garrus recognized it. Soon enough Shepard could feel the way the alcohol dulled her senses, numbed her pain and slowed her thoughts. Garrus simply sat there silently, rolling his empty glass around in his hands. He sighed deeply, standing and taking a step forward to clap a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, hoping to find some kind of comfort in the Turian’s face.  “We’ll get Saren soon enough Commander.” Shepard frowned and looked back down to her lap. It wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but she didn’t have a better idea for what he could have said to help her. He nodded, taking the glasses and tray with him out of her quarters. “See you tomorrow Commander.” were the words Garrus left with.

            Regina blessed the darkness left in her room as the lights shut off., letting the drink take her closer to an uneasy slumber. She didn’t have the energy to look up as her door opened again, what felt like a long time later. She barely stirred as a body crept into bed beside her, the pressure of arms around her waist comforting.

            “I’m sorry, Reggie.” Ashley spoke, muffled from her face being buried in Shepard’s shoulders.

            “M’too, Ash.” was all Shepard could manage to mumble out. She felt exhaustion take her, thankful for the arms around her even if it didn’t feel like enough.

[dragonflight203]

Mass Effect 3 replay, post Priority: Geth Dreadnought:

-The bit where you have to warn Raan about the Konesh is odd. The signal is next to her.

I suppose we should assume the War Room is larger than it appears on screen. That would explain why Victus and Wrex apparently can’t hear each other despite being so close.

Yet Raan overhears Tali speaking about how she became an admiral, because consistency has no place here.

-The fighter squadron mission is interesting.

Legion lures you in by emphasizing that their targeting liveships – if they’re destroyed the quarians will lose resources and people.

He emphasizes destroying the servers isn't enough; the geth would just transfer to another server. Instead, you need to interact directly with the server to remove the geth.

He implies that they’ll be killed. He never actually states such.

Legion’s social skills have improved since ME2.

I know people give Legion shit about manipulation, but I fully approve of this – Legion’s in the difficult spot of needing to save his people when everyone around him is hostile. He has to be at the top of his game to save them. Part of that is knowing how to work people.

I’m cutting Tali slack on supporting genocide to save her people. I’ll give Legion some for using manipulation to save his.

-The heretics have allied with the Old Machines again.

Whatever rewriting did, it left some individuality. If it had not, the heretics would not have been able to support the Old Machines a second time.

-Legion, if you go renegade when he asks if you regret rewriting the heretics: We also miscalculated their intent. We regret this error.

Whose intent? The virus used to rewrite the heretics was never intended for them – it was intended for the true geth. Legion was the one who repurposed it, so who is this “their”?

Presumably Legion means the heretics, but they never agreed to being rewritten. They rather vehemently tried to prevent it, in fact. Their intent was to remain themselves; how much of that is let after the rewrite is up to debate.

And “regret” is an interesting word choice; Legion normally denies emotion but regret is one. Perhaps he used it because he had asked Shepard if they had regrets.

-Why was the geth megastructure not protected?

The geth know they’re hated by organics. They were born in blood. They should have had a fleet protecting the megastructure.

I suppose we can assume they did and the quarians bypassed it with their new weapons. Still, that’s something the game should have stated.

-Legion says that the geth reacted so poorly to the quarians’ attack because when every geth dies the geth as a whole lose intelligence.

Yeah, I think most people would respond with panic. And the geth have a solid defense that they were growing dumber with each death.

-Legion, about sacrificing free will for survival by allying with the Reapers: That is evidently an acceptable trade.

The immediate crisis is surviving. Freedom is the next crisis.

The wording also makes it clear that Legion disagrees.

That “consensus” is getting pretty stretched there, Legion.

-Legion says that after he returned to the geth, they planned for war because the Reaper’s arrival was imminent.

Yet the quarians’ blew through their defenses and destroyed the megastructure with ease?

Those new weapons must be very powerful.

-So of course according to Tali they’re completely useless against the Reapers.

I’ll give the game this one: the Reaper upgrades are what allowed the geth to fight back, so it makes sense that the weapons would be useless against the Reapers.

-Aaaan Maleon is thrilled to hear the genophage was cured because it retroactively justifies everything he did.

I hope Shepard wrote a detailed email back explaining that no, he still fucked up royally.

Very realistic, however. Kudos for Bioware.

-Garrus provides a contrast to Tali.

They’ve both been thrust into leadership positions by their people and are coming to terms with it. Both are filled with doubts.

Tali disagrees with her people, but goes along to save them. The other admirals value her skills but tend to run roughshod over her opinions. She feels she’s an admiral in title in name only.

Garrus feels he’s always been a bad turian; he questions bad orders. Now he’s the one giving them and has doubts about if his orders are good. The Palaven Primarch asks him for advice.

They both still have some growing to do, but the seeds are there. They’ll make good leaders.

-Javik conveniently says all the species with “female” representatives were considered attractive in his cycle. Quarians (Tali), asari (Liara)… Notably not salarians (Mordin), turians (Garrus), or krogans (Wrex).

I suspect he’s bullshitting for his own amusement.

I also suspect that the writers did not think that far, but that’s a discussion for a different day.

-Javik believes synthetics know that their creators are flawed and have no reason to exist because organics do not know why they do. Ergo, synthetics cannot be trusted.

I can see him where he’s coming from, but it feels like a stretch. Just because something is flawed or purposeless doesn’t mean it’s worthless; that’s Javik’s own projection.

-I wonder if Javik’s psychic touch is one of the reasons he’s so anti-synthetic?

Javik can learn a lot about a person by touching them.

Is this ability perhaps more limited with synthetics?

We know it works on objects – hence the memory shard and Prothean Beacons.

But maybe something with synthetics causes it to be off, and that’s one of the reasons why Javik so vehemently rejects the idea of synthetics as people. Something along the lines that Javik can read the machine’s body but not its memory.

There’s nothing in the game to back this up, but it’s an idea I’d like to explore.

-Javik: The perfection of the machine, or the chaos of the organic.

Good line.

Also highlights how Javik seems to hold the ability of machines highly even as he rejects them. He emphasizes how they’re immortal, how they have a purpose, how organics are more limited.

Then he keeps telling you to throw Legion out the airlock because he’s too dangerous.

-Cortez conveniently tells you that the Geth Fighter has already been sent to Hackett, letting you know that ME3 will not have any vehicle missions.

[daisychainsandbowties]

degree of lilith's desolation when she finishes ME3

she takes it sooo personally you know lilith is constantly in the bind of ‘i want to play paragon but the renegade options are just sometimes… extremely sexy.’ she’s micromanaging her points so she can kick the guy out of the window on the 200th floor or whatever of the Dantius towers.

but actually. try to convince me she isn’t secretly niceys to everyone. convince me she doesn’t cry and cry over miranda and point at liara like ‘that’s beatrice’ (guess who can NEVER be mean to liara?). i think she also likes jack and wrex and joker and oooh legion definitely (she chooses to destroy the pro-reaper geth over rewriting their memories. cries about it has to lay with her head in ava’a lap about it). i think ava gets really invested in the game, makes maaaybe two or three comments about miranda and how she can install mods “if you want to fuck yourself” “shut up please” as lilith vanguard smashes through a mass of cerberus agents.

god i think lilith feels very strongly about AI and geth and especially the quarian-geth conflict because she relates to being out of control, taken advantage of, changed. that’s why she adores legion and gets into arguments with tali all the time. agrees with wrex So Much about the genophage. argues with mordin but knows the ‘i am the very model of a scientist salarian’ song and one time ava’s making eggs singing it and turns around like “sunny side up!” to find lilith crying at the kitchen table.

i think honesly lilith hates the green ending, too reminiscent of her own life. she likes destroy (perhaps especially in the context of the perfect ending) and she again… feels uneasy about control. oh she’s naturally self-sacrificing (ava frowny face) but the implications of the control ending frighten her too much.

she plays through the ending with ava draped around her arm, wearing the N7 hoodie bea got her quietly for her birthday after she spent three weeks listening to ava and lilith planning for the final ME2 mission at the kitchen table. with charts. (they refuse to use online guides).

definitely cries. i think she works to get the perfect destroy ending, and that last moment has her sitting there with tears rolling down her cheeks. ava gently untangling her hands from their vice-grip on the controller ava’s modded to use with their setup. kisses lilith’s knuckles and they sit there and lilith slowly subsides into ava, the two of them falling asleep (it’s 3am) with the title screen music playing, over and over again.

[clericofshadows]

unresolved feelings

I wrote this fic between Regis and Zaeed because while playing through ME2 I remembered how much I loved him, and then I remembered my vague outline of Regis and Kaidan’s shoreleave on Omega in 2180... which turned into this thing.  I’m not quite sure if I got Zaeed’s voice down, but hell I enjoyed writing this so... enjoy?

Paring: Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko, Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko/Zaeed Massani (past)

Description: Regis and Zaeed have a conversation aboard the Normandy where they talk about the past, and Zaeed forces Regis to take action on something he was avoiding.

“How are you holding up, Shepard?” Zaeed asked, leaning against the wall of the area he has called home aboard the Normandy.

Regis sighed, sitting down on the table, careful to not disturb the workbench.  “You’re the only damn person I feel like I can trust on this ship, so you can guess how I’m feeling.”

Kasumi was too much of an unknown for Regis to trust her yet, but perhaps helping her with her greybox situation will help him bring her into his inner circle.  Mordin was almost a breath of fresh air, a surprising recruit considering Cerberus’s stance on aliens.  Even more surprising that Mordin accepted it, but he could tell the situation intrigued him, and Regis enjoyed talking with the salarian.  Vakarian was even more of a surprise, considering he left the turian behind on the hunt against Saren.  Regis wasn’t sure what he thought of him, knowing that he left C-Sec to pursue vigilantism of all things.  Either way, Regis wasn’t willing to bring himself to trust him either.

And of course, there was no way in hell he was going to bring Taylor and Lawson on his squad, so that left Regis keeping Kasumi, Zaeed, and Mordin on reserve.  

Which also left Regis turning to Zaeed for most things these days.  The next dossiers concerned him some; a krogan warlord and a biotic convict?  What the hell is Cerberus thinking?

“Don’t even trust your former crew?  I don’t blame you, Cerberus got their goddamn claws into them,” Zaeed replied, crossing his arms.  “Don’t mean to get all sappy and bullshit on you, but it’s good fighting with you again.”

“Aww,” Regis teased.  “I’ve missed you too.  Kaidan and I... that was one hell of a shore leave.”

Zaeed laughed.  “You’re goddamn right.  Say, why isn’t he here with you?  Surely, he would be here trying to protect his boyfriend’s ass from the enemy.”

“It’s... complicated.”

“You haven’t talked to him yet?” Regis winced at Zaeed’s judging gaze.  “Fucking hell Regis, just send the goddamn man a message.  The last thing he needs is to run into you somehow or get wrong information about you to fuck everything up between the two of you,” Zaeed said, walking over to him.  “I can’t believe I have to be the reasonable one here.  Hell, I’ll fucking send him a message.”

Zaeed activated his omnitool, giving Regis a pointed look. 

“Fine, do it.  He can chew me out later, but the reason why I haven’t contacted him is Cerberus has already proved they know too much about me and him.” Regis activated his omnitool, pulling up a picture.  It was of Regis and Kaidan clothed in their armors, but instead of them wearing their usual scarves--Regis’s black and red, Kaidan’s blue and white--they were swapped.  Their foreheads were touching, a calm moment before the drop down to Illos.  Tali took the picture and gleefully shared it amongst the ground crew.  Kaidan, Ashley, Wrex, and T’soni.  

To his knowledge, no one else had the picture, so Regis had no idea how the hell Cerberus ended up with it, considering Tali had her own way of securing information back in the Saren hunting days.

“This was in my cabin. If they got their hands on this, then how can I put himself in danger by contacting him?  I already found out that they didn’t recover my omnitool and other personal effects, so that rules out that possibility.  If they were willing to fuck around with my body to bring me back, what the hell would they do to him to keep me in line?” Regis asked, taking a deep breath.  “I don’t know what to do, Zaeed, and it fucking terrifies me.”

Zaeed stepped closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder.  “Let Kaidan make that choice.  He can damn well protect himself, and you know it.  Where even is he?”

“Hell if I know.  I know that both him and Ashley, a former squadmate of mine we met on the hunt against Saren, went into N training, but Kaidan is on some kind of classified mission, while Ashley is knee-deep into trials of her own.”

“In other words, the people you trust the most are out of your goddamn reach.”

Regis looked at Zaeed, meeting his knowing gaze.  “Yeah, exactly.  I’ve already went off on Joker and Chakwas about the stupidity of their decision to join up; it would make me a hypocrite to accept their help.  They don’t deserve to get involved in this fucked mess.”

Zaeed rolled his eyes.  “And what did I just say.  Let them make that choice.  Who gives a fuck about what anyone thinks about you.  You’re Regis goddamn Shepard, Butcher of Torfan, and one hell of a lay.”

Regis couldn’t help but smirk, remembering what he and Kaidan call “Omega Shoreleave.”  One hell of an adventure involving the Vorcha mafia, a bottle of whiskey, and five-thousand credits, among other things.  

They met Zaeed Massani in the midst of that mess, and they both quickly enjoyed his company, sharing a couple of nights together even after they cleaned up the mafia mess.

Note to self, never let Kaidan play poker on Omega ever again.

But it did bring them closer, even extending their relationship to a surprising third for a short time.  Well, the yggdrasil tree that now resides on Kaidan’s left leg, a mirror of the tattoo that Regis has on his right arm, was proof enough of their commitment to each other.

They never forgot the moments they shared with the merc, and both of them on occasion wondered if things were different, the relationship might have continued.

“Maybe don’t mention that last thing to our adversaries,” Regis chuckled.  “But you’re goddamn right.  I am one hell of a lay.”

Zaeed held up his omnitool.  “So, you want me to pull the trigger or not?”

Regis sighed.  “I’ll do it.” He cleared his tool and pulled up the private server he configured for his and Kaidan’s use.  To his surprise, he was able to connect with no problems. 

That alone will alert Kaidan, if he still used it.  Regis didn’t want to check the logs to find out.

Kaidan, I know this is going to be unbelievable, but I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors, and I’m sorry.  Regis Lucian Shepard is alive, and Cerberus were the ones who brought me back, somehow, someway.  I’ve attached a few files concerning my resurrection directly from their servers.  Do you what you want with these.  I’ve also attached a picture of myself.  Things have changed about me, but I think I’m still me.  At least, I feel like I am.  If you can, I want to meet with you in person.  Preferably Omega.  

I didn’t want it to end like this.  I remember everything about my death, and I know I gave you an impossible promise.  I hope you were able to heal in the two years I was gone, and I hope me coming back hasn’t fucked everything up.

And if you could get in contact with Ashley, please do or maybe help me since I never added her here.  I miss her too.

I miss you.  I miss what we had, but I understand if that can never happen again.  I’m one hell of a miracle, and I fucking hate it all the same.

With all the love in my heart (as selfish as that probably sounds),

Regis.  

He sent the message, powering down his omnitool.  Zaeed motioned for him to stand up, and to his surprise, Zaeed pulled him into a hug.  Regis leaned into the embrace, tucking his head into his neck.  “I know that was hard,” Zaeed murmured.

“It was,” Regis whispered.  “I’ve never been so scared in my life.  Not even Torfan.  Not even when dealing with the Reapers.”

“At the very least, you have me.” Zaeed said.  “You have someone whose goddamn loyalty can be bought, but I think I already became loyal to you and to Kaidan those years ago.”

Regis pulled apart just a bit, enough for them to face each other.  Zaeed kept his grip on him, an almost hopeful look gracing his features. “If things were different...”  Regis trailed off.

“After you talk to Kaidan, we can have another conversation.  I know the types of comfort you prefer, and I know damn well it ain’t good for biotics to be consuming so much red sand, even if it’s that low dose Astra shit you smoke,” Zaeed said.  “But you aren’t in a good headspace for this.”

Regis picked up on what he wasn’t saying.  He was a tactile person with the people he loves, and admittedly, he would turn to sex with Kaidan when things got too much for him, asking for him to take control, to make him feel and forget.

No way to do that onboard this ship, Regis turned to his main vice, but again, without Kaidan, who more or less was his impulse control with the drug, he smoked more in a chain, compared to the single cigarette they would share together.

“Such a gentleman.”

“I can be.” Zaeed laughed and then furrowed his eyebrows.  “Seriously, Regis.  Stop smoking those damn cigarettes so often.  Did I ever tell you the story of the merc who blew himself up by tossing his cig near some explosives?”

Regis raised an eyebrow.  “No, but I get what you’re saying.  Will you carry around my lighter for me?”  He fished it out of his coat pocket.  

Zaeed nodded.  “Something you and Kaidan would do?”

“Something Kaidan and I would share, yes.” Regis nodded.  “With him, I would only smoke one, each of us sharing the hit.”

“I’ll keep you on track,” Zaeed promised with a nod, pocketing the old-school lighter, letting go of his loose grip on Regis.

“Thank you.” 

“You’d do it for me.” Zaeed waved it off.  “Now, do me a favor, and tell me all the shit you and Kaidan have gotten up to on the old Normandy.  And tell me about that soldier, Ashley?  She must’ve impressed the hell out of you for her to be in N trials.”

Gladly taking the distraction, Regis obliged, the duo sitting down on the makeshift cot, starting with Eden Prime.

Regis couldn’t deny his attraction to the older man, a no-nonsense merc who has seen it all.  He never thought he had a lot of love to give, but there was enough room in his heart for both of them.

Kaidan, for being at BAaT, the two sharing an unbreakable bond forged by their past together, forged by the years of shaping their biotics to suit them and only them.

Zaeed, for being someone who looks at Regis and sees the man behind all the titles, who treats him like an equal on the battlefield.

Regis, for all intents and purposes, was fucked.  And maybe, he secretly wanted it to be that way.

[annwayne]

First time playing Mass Effect. The most I knew about this game was:

Space

Kiss Aliens

I was very sad when I found out I couldn’t date Garrus in this game. But okay, maybe I could explore the other options. Might as well see what the other paths are.

Liara is sweet, but I just don’t vibe romantically with her. I let her down as gently as possible. (Sheppard made that.. difficult.) I hope we can become besties.

Ashley is xenophobic and a bitch. She’s yelled at my crew and immediately suspected the aliens that went out of their way to help us. And she kills Wrex in another timeline, without Sheppard’s prompting. Fuck her.

That left me with Kaiden. And you know, he’s rather sweet. I thought the way he reacted to Shep was adorable and when we started flirting it was fun to see him try to remain professional. We agreed to wait until everything was over to explore a relationship.

The whole game however, I kept wondering how Sheppard would move on from Kaiden. Would Sheppard accidentally fall in love with Garrus and break Kaiden’s heart? Would they realize they are fundamentally incompatible outside of the constraints of the military and mutually agree to break up? Something had to happen.

Something happened.

As if the game knew my plans, it gave me an option.

Save Ashley or Save Kaiden.

My instinct was to save Kaiden because I had a relationship with him and, honestly, would be happy to have Ashley off my ship.

But right as I was going to select Kaiden, I realized something.

This is how Sheppard leaves Kaiden. Not because they didn’t work or heartbreak. But because Kaiden gave his life to ensure the mission was a success. Now, the game makes it clear you can feasibly save either of them-just only one of them. So in my universe, things go a little differently.

“Just hold on!” She ordered, because that’s all she could do. “I’m almost there!”

But then a geth rocket trooper shot the bridge, collapsing the only way to Kaiden. If she jumped down, she’d be down there for the rest of her life. The Normandy was waiting, and this position was overrun.

“It’s alright Sheppard. Go, I’ll make sure the bomb goes off, no matter what.”

Every fiber of her being wanted to damn it all to hell. To join Kaiden in what would be the last epic fight against the geth. But then she heard another voice.

“Commander, we need to stop Saren. We can’t do that without you.”

Garrus’s magnetic voice reminded Sheppard why she was even here. Why Kaiden was willing to stay behind. She wouldn’t waste that.

So now the path is open. Once again, Sheppard has lost someone she cares about. But this time she’s not alone in her grief. Someone who’s become a great friend will be there, and perhaps this will bring them closer than either of them expected.

[thetantiger]

Empty Spaces

Word count: 1,422

Characters: Saltirrion (he/him), Edith (she/her), Graysmite (she/her)

Edith is having daddy issues.

Saltirrion stepped carefully along the roads of Valdrakken. The recent events in the Shadows of the Faithful had left a lot of their members mournful, angry and emotionally displaced. His own adoptive daughter was one of them; fury burned in the pit of his chest as he recalled the pathetic look on Shadow’s face. He’d held her, reminded her of her worth and power outside of the man that left her, and encouraged her that she’d persevere, as she always has. He’d watched the succubus accomplish great things; she escaped Tucker’s abuse in Goldshire and overcame a severe drug addiction; she’d reconnected with old friends that were dear to her and healed from a breakup with Wrex; he knew she would survive losing Sheefu, too.

But the significance was not lost on him. And as he headed for a certain young drake’s house, the reminder of Shadow’s grief burned into his brain again. Certainly, the next young woman he meant to speak to was just as devastated.

First, Saltirrion knocked on the door, like any good samaritan. Nobody responded so he knocked again, incessantly, and heard a dismayed groan from inside before a few footsteps and then the doorknob began to turn. Salty crossed his arms behind his back, satisfied, and waited patiently.

“What is it?” Edith practically snarled at him through her teeth as she opened the door. Her hair was frazzled and her eyes were red and puffy, and she looked as if she hadn’t properly taken care of herself in some days.

Saltirrion almost winced at her appearance. “I was sent here to check on you.”

Edith huffed and turned around, stomping further into her apartment and Saltirrion followed her. “You were sent here. Great. Nobody seems to be able to stop harassing me.”

Salty frowned at her. “Your family is worried for you, Edith.”

“Clearly not enough of my family,” she retorted, whirling to face him. “Besides, the rest of them have no idea what I’m going through!”

The black dragon doubted that. Graysmite, Scar and Veronica all had parent issues, as did most of the Faithful. “Regardless, they are concerned.”

“They can be concerned somewhere else,” she grumbled, collapsing onto her couch and stuffing her head into a pillow. “..I just want them to leave me alone.”

Saltirrion sighed and walked over to her, placing a hand on her shoulder and crouching to her level. “...I have a feeling that family leaving you alone right now is the opposite of what you need.”

Edith lifted her head enough to look at him through tears, her gaze slightly cold. “...So why are you here?”

“Hanethrick, Scar and Graysmite have all visited to check on you, yes? And Veronica’s called?”

“That wasn’t my question.”

Salty sighed again. “I was sent because the others believed I would be of use. As a draconic broodfather--”

“You’ll never be my father,” Edith spat at him. “So get that out of your head.”

“I am not trying to be your father,” he replied calmly. “Especially so soon after his disappearance. I am only here to support you. It pains me to see any young dragon in such pain, whether they’re my kin or not.” Edith still glared at him but allowed him to speak more without a scoff, so Salty continued. “Perhaps the matter is.. personal to me. My children were without a father for a long time, albeit for a different reason. I wish I could have been there to comfort them then, so let me help you now.”

Edith’s eyes watered harshly and she tried to blink it away. “...My dad doesn’t have a reason at all. He just- doesn’t care about me or my mom anymore. He’s just gone.”

Saltirrion felt a pang in his chest that struck him like a knife. He wanted wanted to scoop her up and hold her as if she were his own brood and ensure her it was going to be okay. He sighed and reached to wipe some tears out of her eye. “I know, dear. I know. I am sorry. As a father myself I can’t fathom why he would willingly do such a thing.”

“Is it me?” The look in the chromatic drake’s eyes was downright heartwrenching.

“No, darling,” Saltirrion reassured her, swiping hair out of her face. “You have your own job, your own apartment, your own missions and you’ve just become an adult drake. You struggle with your chromatic heritage as well as your genetic bloodlust from your mother and yet you are still a prodigy. You should be immensely proud of yourself. The only reason that a father could leave his daughter and wife in such a random manner, as well as the rest of his duties, is sheer unbridled cowardice. You have nothing to blame yourself for.”

She sniffled at him. “How do you know?”

Saltirrion patted her. “Anyone in their right mind would see how hard you work, how much you strive for the approval of your father, and then see his behavior and know who’s really to blame for this. Take it from me.”

Edith nodded a little and then stared forward. “What-.. What do I do?”

“Rely on yourself,” Salty responded. “Yourself and your mother, and the extended family you have around you. That means more than just your aunt and uncles, too. The Faithful is here for you.” He got to his feet, giving Edith another pat.

Edith just sort of nodded at him and returned to sulking quickly, face-down into the pillow propping up her forehead on her arms.

The black dragon frowned at her again. “I won’t keep you long, then. I understand that time to process is vital right now. Just- please, don’t be afraid to reach out if you need to, even for me.”

“Alright,” the younger drake mumbled half-heartedly.

Saltirrion supposed that was all she was willing to hear right now. He turned back towards the door and took another look over his shoulder just to check that Edith really wanted him gone, and when confirmed by the fact she hadn’t raised her head again, he dipped out of the apartment, shutting the door gently behind him, only to practically run into somebody else.

“Ope- Saltirrion?”

Salty’s eyes trailed up to the face of the worgen that was standing in front of him, bright white fur and eyes flashy against the Thaldraszus sun with her yellow priestly hood pulled down around her shoulders and mane. “Oh! Graysmite. It is good to see you.”

“You as well,” Gray replied, eyeing Saltirrion almost suspiciously. “I take it you followed up on Felshredder’s suggestion?”

“I figured I should,” he answered. “The recent fracture has been hard on everyone.”

“That it has,” Gray said with less emotion than Saltirrion had expected her to. “How’s she doing?”

“About as good as she can be,” Saltirrion muttered with a gesture of his chin over his shoulder towards the door behind him. “And what about you? I understand this must be hard on you, too. How are you faring?”

Gray shrugged almost nonchalantly. “About as good as I can be. I’m more worried about my daughter than anything.”

Saltirrion titled his head at her. “Does it not affect you that your husband has vanished?”

“Of course it affects me. I just don’t have the time to weep.” Gray stared past Salty towards the door. “I need to focus on my daughter. She is precious to me.”

Saltirrion felt concern twinge in his throat. “You deserve the time to weep. You musn’t be perfect at all times.”

Gray looked up at him, white eyes connecting with his. She looked almost angry with him, or perhaps just in general. “What I ‘deserve’ is not of importance right now. I have a daughter to take care of. I thank you for your concern, Saltirrion, but it is not helpful right now.”

Salty sighed at her, stepping aside to let her into Edith’s apartment. “Alright, but-.. remember what I said. And seriously, if you ever need to talk to someone-”

“Then I will let you know,” Gray finished his sentence for him, dipping her head to him and entering Edith’s apartment without another word. Saltirrion stared at the closed door for a moment; he knew it wasn’t his place to worry so incessantly, but seeing a fellow father leave his family behind so easily disturbed something deep in him. He couldn’t really place it; anger? Pity? Empathy?

Regardless, he turned and headed home to his den all the same.

[barbwillbrb]

Basically my thoughts, and I’ll add:

1. The whole talk about choices/decisions having no effects on the narrative. I’m sorry, but the first two ME games did not really have clear impacts on the narrative in their choices either, and some of the “resolutions” of those choices felt cheap when they came to fruition in ME3 (I’m sorry but I am still not over the rachni not having a bigger impact in the story :| ). We do have the Krogan vs. Salarian and Quarian vs. Geth conflicts that are impacted by the player’s decision making, however those choices were made across all three games.

Between games one and two, I honestly can’t recall a choice that had a significant impact on the narrative. Perhaps killing Wrex and the council, but even then those two choices don’t really have an impact on the narrative until 3.

Basically: Andromeda gets a lot of flack for choices not having much impact in the game, but folks forget that choices in the OG series didn’t start really having full effect until 3– and some of the payoffs were honestly lackluster.

2. The constant tearing down of the characters/comparing them to the OG cast. People like to say the Andromeda cast is flat/undeveloped, and that’s just not true; they all have really unique perspectives, will banter on/off the ship, and really seem to come alive.

I love the OG crew, but most of them were basically one dimensional skeletons in ME1– especially my boy, Garrus. I also love how relationships in Andromeda develop a lot more naturally, not this “three convos and we bang” formula.

3. “Ryder is a Mary Sue.” You do not know what a Mary Sue is, stop that. Commander Shepard also has Mary Sue qualities. It’s about how the character/story handles that shit. Also Shepard would beat the shit out of you if you talked shit about Ryder, I know it.

Anyhoot I really love the Mass Effect series and am extremely disappointed Andromeda isn’t going anywhere, as I think it had a lot of potential and EA/Bioware dropped the ball. If they continued to work/tweak it I think it could’ve really become a fave, especially if they actually made the DLCs.

mass effect: andromeda was not a bad game and i will DIE on this hill.

it was doomed from the start because of the original ME trilogy. like, how the fuck can you follow up on that? three games where we become attached to these beloved characters. more time to build up and flesh out a story (reaper story kinda sucks though not gonna lie) and ryder just had no chance when they're put up against shepard. ryder was an inexperienced kid who was barred from the alliance due to the AI research alec was doing, and then was thrust into a role of leadership with zero training. of course they're going to struggle and flounder, and OF COURSE they're going to try to be as diplomatic as possible. who wants to start a war immediately upon arriving in a new galaxy and your people are dying? they're not a 'goody-goody two-shoes,' they're just a kid trying to salvage this disaster they were thrust into after the loss of their father.

SAM gets a lot of flack too, just because he isn't EDI. i find SAM to be really charming and adorable. he's almost childlike in his evolution as he grows with ryder and their experiences together. i loved their bond.

yes, the game launched badly with glitches. yes, the facial animations can be goofy as hell (i personally adore it, they make me laugh) and yes, some of the writing is questionable. but it really wasn't the shitshow people make it out to be.

also the combat is hands down some of the best in the franchise, and even in the genre in general.

[husband-steve-cortez]

On the flipside of bleeding away Ezra's flaws, I've steadily been given them to Miles. And I think another flaw of Ezra's that I've mostly abandoned that I may give to Miles is always being kind of nervous and on edge.

I originally gave this trait to Ezra as a result of Akuze, and it was supposed to make him a little trigger happy, explaining some of the renegade shit he does in me1 (most notably, originally he was supposed to respond very badly to Wrex drawing a gun on him, but that's changed over time. I still give Ezra turning that biotic compound into a bloodbath).

But I think it's a good trait for an Earthborn orphan who after joining the alliance had to fend off a pirate attack virtually on his own during shore leave. To always be a little on edge - "always ready for trouble" is how he sees it, and given his history and current occupation it doesn't even come across as odd until shore leave, where Miles remains nervous and alert and always watching exits.

And Miles, being a big personality guy, is mostly good at hiding this. It's only when you really get to know him that you start to see his tells. Or, if you happen to be a biotic around him sensitive to those sorts of things, perhaps you can tell that his barrier is always up, or there's an extra charge in the air. Maybe you'll notice how much he keeps to himsef and never relaxes, mostly content to make sure everyone else is having a good time, and maybe for the most part people will let that go because hey, that's War Hero N7 first human Spectre Commander Shepard for you.

Maybe Liara recognizes those tells all too well after being inside Shepard's mind, but is unsure how to broach the topic, fearing that she's being invasive.

Perhaps a certain staff lieutenant recognizes his Commander always looking out for everyone else but neglecting himsef, and decides he'll look out for the commander. Alenko, who knows all to well what it looks like to keep yourself apart from everyone else. Perhaps.

[drelldreams]

My thoughts on the asari promiscuity rumor

Asari are commonly rumored to be promiscious. Liara outright states that asari are often seen as promiscuous by other races. When Liara expresses her opinion that the rachni queen should be saved, Wrex will ask if the asari are looking for a new race to cuddle up to. If Wreav is the leader of the krogan in ME3, and Shepard asks him if he’s ready to take on a Reaper, Wreav responds with “That’s like asking if an asari is ready to mate.”

But is this really true? Are asari, as a whole, a promiscuous race?

I don’t think so.

Liara tells us in ME1 that asari promiscuity is a mere myth. Of course Liara could be lying, trying to give her race a good image. But is Liara that type of person? I do not believe she is. Sooner or later Shepard would note if asari were really that promiscious. And honestly I see Liara as a very honest person overall.

Plus, it’s not like it’s likely that asari view promiscuity as something to be ashamed of. There’s most likely little to no stigma against promiscuity in their culture. So why would Liara lie?

But that’s not the only reason why I think it’s just a myth.

I believe there are some cultural misunderstandings:

- Perhaps people assume that the fact that so many asari choose to be strippers, or that many of them wear revealing clothes, is an indicator for promiscuity.

I do believe, however, that the asari may not even consider breasts, for example, to be sexually appealing. Therefore they would not consider an outfit with low cut cleavage to be sexually provocating. Maybe they have much different views on nudity. Perhaps, you could walk around on Thessia topless and nobody would see it as something sexual.

Then, regarding the dancing, they may just be aware that other species find them appealing and make use of that. If dancing is your hobby and you wanna make lots of money, why not consider a career into stripping, when you know most aliens go wild for you?

- People of other species may know little about the mind meld and have wrong ideas of it. They may never have read upon different types of melding but only heard about melding in Fornax magazines or asari porn games. And thus they associate melding with a sexual act. Those people may assume that every asari they’ve known to have melded with someone had a sexual relationship to them, when that was not the case. “Embrace eternity” might be a phrase “ruined” by bad porn, causing many people to assume “Embrace eternity” inherintely is some form of mind sex, when it is also said when exchanging memories, or information.

- The fact that asari date individuals of all species, including vorcha, is exploited by using it as evidence for their promiscuity. By certain industries, they’re portrayed as super lustful blue aliens who would mate with just anyone, ‘even’ a vorcha. That is useful for business. You’d think a horny alien would offer more tips and buy more drinks at the strip club because if asari mate with anyone but not me, maybe I will have to try impress her more? If they’re such a promiscuous race, surely that stripper over there will sleep with me if I tip her enough?

- There’s the possibility that asari tend to be naturally more charming and that may come across as flirtatious. Or perhaps they are more physically affectionate than other species, leading other people to believe the asari are dating whoever they’re kissing the cheek or holding hands with.

[annakie]

Mass Effect Trailer Thoughts

*EDIT* -- there are now TWO UPDATES to this post with additional screenshots, thoughts and theories, please check that one out! :) 

I wrote an unhinged disorganized post before... now I’ll attempt breaking things down in a much more logical way. :D

1) It’s basically confirmed that this is both the Milky Way and Andromeda in the same shot.

2) The audio is some actual and I think some fictional mix of communications -- 

“We know now that in the early years of the 20th century, this world was being watched” is from War of the Worlds

“Eagle Houston, you are go for landing, over” is from the moon landing.

“Arcturus Station, uknown vessel approaching, we need first contact protocols” would probably be new dialog from the First Contact War.

“Humanity now stands as partners in the galaxy” is likely new dialog from after the end of the FC war when humanity was accepted as a Citadel species.

“Ark Six is away, godspeed” is new dialog, likely a reference to the Andromeda Initiative.  There were six arks in the initiative.

3) This system isn’t in any of the first three games as far as I can tell -- and I logged into ME3 with the EGM mod wherein literally every system in all three games is used as extra content and looked at them all.  Anyone recognize it?

4) This is anyone’s guess but... possibly... what’s through the Omega relay?  the rings seem... very densely packed.

5)Two moons and a gas giant looking planet.  I don’t even want to hazard a guess.  The planet itself could look like Jupiter, but Jupiter has a lot more moons.

6) Then of course, we have the destroyed mass relay.

This comes with the dialog about taking down a dreadnaught, and (sensors?) are going crazy, and abandoning the ship, and then the REAPER SOUND.

Then “Is anyone receiving this?  We’ve lost contact.”

So all of this felt like traveling through time, and here we finish Mass Effect 3.

7) Then comes this image... which again, does not really look like any system recognizable in any of the games.

An indistinguishable female voice says something about Humanity (something like “Humanity is all the problems its faced”?  Maybe?) and a male voice... which sounds a little like Clancy Brown (Alec Ryder) to me, but... maybe I need to play through the Andromeda prologue again. 

The slight break in the action there may be accounting for the 600 years passing before Andromeda.

The break in the action could also mean it’s something in the future of what we’ve seen, something new.

8) Now, we come to this planet.

There are THREE MOONS...  and Alchera has three moons.  Maybe this is a coincidence.  Or maybe this is Alchera.  It seems oddly specific for them to show the three moons in sequence if there wasn’t a reason for it.

9) It’s confirmed that Liara is walking up a reaper here.  There ALSO appears to be a SECOND reaper in the background (look just above the sun, you can see reaper-like wires and follow that outline to see the other reaper’s legs.)

10) There appears to be more stuff, maybe N7 striped stuff, than just the fragment Liara picks up buried in the snow here.

11) This may be a part of an N7 helmet, but it can’t be Shepard’s N7 helmet.

You get the helmet as a reward for finishing the Alchera DLC in ME2 (so basically, Shepard brings it along after planting the monument), and although the part is similar on the side here, it’s definitely not the same.  This is Shepard’s helmet on the SR-2 in ME2, loaded it up and took the pics with flycam just to confirm.

14) That’s definitely a Salarian on the left and probably a Krogan on the right. Guesses for the center person... Human?  Turian?  Angaran? (Comedy answer: Javik?  Though we don’t know how long Protheans lifespans are so... hey!  Anything’s possible!)

13) Liara has crow’s feet and laugh lines -- she’s most likely much older in this trailer than we saw her last in ME3.  Perhaps... 600 - 700 years older?  Grunt would likely be the only other ME/2/3 companion still alive. (Wrex was alive to fight in the end of the Krogan Rebellion in 700 CE, if this is post-Andromeda that would place him at over 2000 years old, I don’t think Krogan lifespans are that long.  Drack is considered an old man at 1400.  But it could be possible.)

So my best theory right now aligns with what I’ve seen other people guess -- this game will take place sometime after Andromeda and serve to bridge the two galaxies, but how that happens and why Liara is retrieving a piece of broken N7 armor is anyone’s guess.  I have a few wildly unhinged theories myself. :D

[critical-derolo]

Commotion wakes Liara up late into the night. Or early in the morning, perhaps. She’s still not really on the same schedule as the rest of the ship, and with multiple suns through multiple systems, it’s nearly impossible to tell what time of the day it is. Her day. Or theirs. Again, she’s pretty confused. Being on a ship is - more difficult than she thought it was going to be, for numerous reasons.

Not that it’s bad, per se. She’s enjoying her time here, despite the danger of it all. For the most part, she gets to stay in the back room of the med bay, studying her own research on the protheans. Trying to find something, anything on these Reapers. Hints, clues, even just a pattern. Something she missed or couldn’t see before.

The crew is nice to her, as well. There was initial fear, boarding an all human ship. Her lack of experience and general knowledge of them made it a tad on the frightening side, had nervousness flipping her stomach over and over, but everyone has been surprisingly welcoming. They’re curious, more than anything, very curious. In fact, she might go as far as to say it would be their defining quality, in her eyes. Asking questions, peeking in on her. Always reaching to answer a new question. 

“What’s that star?”

“Is that a habitable planet?”

“What do you eat, Garrus? Can we eat it too? Can you try this? It’s a family recipe.”

“Are all asari blue or are there other colours and shades? Are there male asari? Monogendered, you say? Fascinating! How does that impact your society?”

It’s… endearing, and Liara can see why humans have come so far in such a short amount of time. Their thirst for discovery rivals that of salarians.

It’s her own curiosity that has Liara tapping the door controls, waiting for them to swish open to see what is happening in the med bay. Her eyes widen and she jerks forward, hand out to try and assist the Commander. Shepard paces along one of the walls of cupboards, the stomach of her shirt held up to her bloody face as she searches for something. A data pad goes skittering off the counter and to the floor and only then does she notice the asari standing there.

For a second, neither of them do anything and Liara has to force herself not to look at the Commander’s abdomen. For-For scientific inquiry, of course. Learning about human anatomy is, is, is logical. Practical, even. That’s it, yes, it’s practical. Ergo, maybe she should take a peek.

Shepard’s green eyes widen as she finally moves. “Doctor T’Soni, I’m sorry. I know you’re usually sleeping right now, I’m not sure where the doc went or how to work the medigel dispenser.” There’s a slight pause before she brings up the hand not currently clutching her shirt to her face, and mimes waving it beneath... something. “Is it a, you know, like... one of those motion sensor kind of deals? Am I missing a button on it?”

Her shirt flips down and a steady stream of blood resumes dribbling from her nose.

“Com-” Liara shakes her head and opens one of the drawers, taking a cloth from it. She’s already pushing at Shepard’s shoulder, guiding her to one of the medical beds, before she realizes she’s never touched a human before. Never touched Shepard. “Commander, what happened to you?”

Those dizzy eyes looks up at her and immediately Liara starts going through a medical checklist, unsure what might apply to a human as well, but surely all species suffer concussions? The Commander grins, slow and lazy - and bloody, a smear of it on the edge of the bed as she holds herself upright. “Wrex headbutts like a fucking freight train.”

“You got into a fight with Urdnot Wrex?”

“He asked for it,” Shepard replies and waves off a look she’s very familiar with. “Literally. Ash and I were going through some drills, he wanted in on the sparring. I told him to go all out, don’t hold back.”

A click of her tongue, disapproving, but Liara holds the cloth against Shepard’s nose steadily. Her hand is moving again, not letting her think first, and she’s brushing black hair back from the Commander’s face. “Why would you do that? Krogan are - surely you have basic judgment just by looking at him!”

Shepard shrugs and groans as her nose gets jostled. “I wanted to see what he could do, how they fight hand-to-hand. Wasn’t sure how hard they headbutt… now I know.”

“Was it worth it?”

It takes a minute but eventually that green gaze focuses, and Liara feels the strong grip on her hip. Feels the warmth from Shepard’s hand seeping into her own skin, through her uniform. She prays to the Goddess that Shepard is too out of it to notice the purple of her cheeks. “Yup,” the Commander drawls. “Pretty sure I know how to take it for next time.”

“Next-”

The main door of the med bay swishes open. Wrex’s hulking form comes staggering in, kept upright with Ash and Garrus under each of his arms. “I still think we should have brought Chakwas down to the rhino instead of carrying him up here!” Ash huffs.

“Listen,” Garrus puffs and strains, shoving Wrex against one of the beds. “I don’t want to be on the same level of the ship when he comes to and realizes Shepard cheated.”

“Hey! I didn’t cheat!”

“Last I checked, biotics are illegal in hand-to-hand sparring,” Garrus grunts. He leans back against a dazed Wrex, huffing and puffing as he catches his breath. “And I lost twenty credits to Alenko on that move.”

Shepard scowls and Liara clicks her tongue again, blue fingers dragging the Commander’s chin back around to her. “He rattled my L3’s,” Shepard grumbles. “I didn’t cheat, it was reactive. Your eyes are so blue.”

Big and blue as they widen in surprise, so much surprise that she squeezes just a little bit. Shepard wheezes in pain again and her own eyes roll back as she slumps forward into Liara, passed out cold. “I think, perhaps, someone should get the doctor,” she breathes and looks up at the other two with a burning face.

Turians are hard to read, but she’s pretty sure Garrus is smirking at her. And humans, being much easier to read, lets her know that Ashley Williams is definitely scowling at her.

[bobathirstaccount]

You Know the Deal

Boba x fem!reader, slow burn to smut, new relationship

Brief Fennec & Boba/ Din & Boba

***

Finally finished this WIP… 🥳

***

TW: unprotected sex

Word count: 3,800

***

I wish we could take off and go anywhere but here baby you know the deal

And she bad, so maybe she won't

But shit then again maybe she will

- She Will, Lil Wayne

Translations

Ad’ika - kid/ little one

Mesh’la- beautiful

Karked - swear

***

Why was it so hard to get him out of your thoughts? You knew the reason of course, but you’d be karked if you admitted it. It would just make it so much harder.

He looked over at you and a trace of a smile played over his features, making you swallow hard. Why did he do that? This you did not know the answer to. Perhaps he was merely comfortable around you now. You looked away, a smile ghosting on your own face despite your tangled thoughts.

“Are you ready yet?” Your partner’s voice rang out. You glanced towards him. “Sure. Let’s go.” You turned and left the cantina with Wrex as eyes watched you.

“What’s with that old guy, anyway?” Wrex asked, turning his head slightly in your direction as you headed towards your ship. “He’s always hanging around.”

You tried to express neutrality. “He used to bounty hunt. We could learn a lot from him.”

Wrex snorted, “We’ve been working for 5 years now. We’ve got a rhythm. We don’t need his bullshit stories.”

You furrowed your brow at Wrex. “What’s the big deal? You feeling threatened or something?” Wrex snorted again, rolling his eyes. “Well anyway, we won’t see him for a good while.”

You pursed your lips, knowing it to be true but regretting it. You entered the hangar and turned towards your ship. “Let’s get off this sandy ass hell hole.” Wrex took a running start and leapt up the gangway into the Shar. You shook your head and trudged up, sealing the ship behind yourself.

***

You felt your face heating up as you tried to act casual. He was teasing you, and you were beside yourself. In addition to missing him an inordinate amount while you were out working, you had returned to find him in the company of two other mercs. And with some very…interesting armor.

You eyed his olive green form out of the corner of your eye, refusing to show he was getting to you. “N-no. I just didn’t recognize you at first.”

He tilted his head slightly and smiled slyly at you. It made your heart flutter.

“Well? How have you been? It’s been awhile.”

“Yeah… I mean I guess…” you fumbled for a moment. You turned the conversation to him. “Well what about you? You’re the one with two new friends and… new armor?” You ran a nail down the front of his cuirass, watching his face.

He stayed cool. “Old, actually. Just a new paint job.”

“Where’d it come from?”

“Din, the shiny guy over there.” Boba pointed languidly. You followed his direction. “Hm.” You checked out his lean form, then turned your attention to the third of the trio.

“And that’s Fennec Shand. How do you know her?”

Boba shrugged, leaning against the bar. You sipped your drink as he said, “We met up recently… it’s not a big deal.”

You looked at him curiously, “Huh?”

He took a swig of spotchka. Wrex appeared between the two of you. Pushing his way in, he started, “Weeellll looks like both our fortunes have changed since last time.” Boba regarded him silently. You theorized part of the reason Wrex disliked him so much was because he rarely responded directly to him. The silence continued as you smiled mischievously despite yourself.

Wrex cleared his throat and continued, “ Weeelll, she and I have been raking it in in these past months. Oddly enough without your bullshit stories and opinions.” Wrex had nodded in your direction as he spoke. Boba calmly looked at you, seeming to be waiting. Flustered under his gaze, you weakly chastised Wrex, “What the fuck, dude. Why do you act like this?” You pushed him away. Boba closed the space between the two of you so Wrex couldn’t butt back in.

“So you’ve been doing well I take it,” Boba lowered his tone so he was talking just to you. You bit down on the inside of your cheek. Wrex complained, “Dude who the fuck do you think you are?” He made the mistake of getting in Boba’s face. Boba swatted him away with a back hand. “Why do you hang around this one, ad’ika?” He asked softly, just for you. You were watching Wrex pick himself up off the floor. Several patrons picked up their drinks and moved away. A fight was brewing.

Wrex stood, almost growling. A hand closed over his right shoulder. He turned, slightly surprised.

“Boba, you sure know how to make friends,” Shand spoke casually.

Wrex glowered. “We’re fine,” Boba nodded at Shand, who nodded back and retreated.

Flustered, you looked between the two men. They were both watching you expectantly. You took a swig of your drink and settled into your barstool, skin tingling. You looked up shyly at Boba, “We have been doing really well. We upgraded the Shar’s systems… and I got a new blaster.” You fingered the weapon at your side nervously. Boba’s hand brushed yours away as he took the gun out of its holster. The physical contact made you inhale sharply.

“Hey, dickhead, that’s hers,” Wrex wouldn’t stop talking.

“It’s okay, I want to see what he thinks,” you shot Wrex a look, who turned sour.

Boba inspected it and then sighted down the barrel at an uncomfortable Rodian. He flipped it in his hand and returned it to you. You were a bit in awe of his trick and held the blaster to yourself for a moment. Wrex snorted. You sighed, exasperated, and reholstered it. “Wrex, don’t you need to see Bol about new bounties?”

Wrex grumbled, but turned away.

“We took all the best ones,” Boba murmured as Wrex took off. You shot him a look. He smiled mischievously. “Just kidding ad’ika. My bounty hunting days are over.”

“You could still do it,” you blurted out.

“I didn’t say my fighting days were over.”

You shrugged, feeling silly. He moved closer. Your knees were almost touching him. You nervously sipped your drink, which was almost gone. Boba raised his hand and the bartender appeared immediately.

“Another drink for the lady,” he said softly. They hustled off. You tried to hide a smile at having your drink ordered for you. It wasn’t often you had such treatment. Boba’s hand went to the back of your chair. He leaned in. “What’re you doing, ad’ika?”

“Huh?”

He motioned towards Wrex with his head. You looked down at his chest. “I just, we go way back.” Your mouth was dry.

“Sometimes we outgrow things,” Boba commented, then changed the subject, “Your blaster is acceptable. Pretty good, actually. It should serve you well.”

You looked back up into his open face. “I dunno what else I would do, to be honest…” you trailed off.

He leaned in closer, definitely in your personal space now, “How do you feel about Tattooine?”

You were intoxicated by how close he was. You could make out all the tiny details and colors in his eyes. You looked at his lips and then away. “I mean, it’s… sandy.”

He laughed softly, a pleasing rumbly sound. It made you flush again. “So that’s a no?” He looked at you carefully.

You stared at him stupidly, “Huh?”

He smiled softly and brought his hand to your chin briefly. “You want to join our threesome?”

Your eyes widened and your mouth half opened. You snapped it shut. Finally you said, “Me?”

“You.”

Your eyes unconsciously slid to Wrex. He was standing with his arms crossed, talking to Bol.

“What would I… be doing?” You asked, curious.

Boba raised an eyebrow and looked at you meaningfully. There was a quiet moment.

“I mean…” you started, then stopped. Your drink arrived. You took a nervous sip. Suddenly you felt pressure on your knee under the bar. You looked up at Boba. His expression was deadly neutral but his hand slid up your thigh with a firm grip.

You put your drink down, spilling it slightly. “Ah, I…”

His hand reached your hip. He grabbed your hipbone and pulled you forward in your chair. You felt your ass scoot on the seat.

“I just, I mean,” you looked over at Wrex, your stomach erupting in butterflies. Boba’s hand applied light pressure as he slid it around your body to squeeze an asscheek. Your words caught in your throat.

“Come with me.” His hand retreated. You glanced up at him, sad his hand had left your body. He pulled away and started to walk away. You hesitated, watching him retreat. Then you jumped up and followed him, shaking slightly with nerves. He went around the side of the cantina where there were no patrons. This part of the cantina was only open at night. Boba continued. He turned one last corner until you found yourselves in a small alcove. You felt your body being pressed against the wall and rough lips on yours.

Surprised, you brought your hands to his chest. The cold metal bit into them. Boba devoured you, and you let him. By the time you came up for air, you were both out of breath. He leaned in again and nuzzled into your throat. He kissed you feverishly and unzipped your jacket. You felt the jacket open up, exposing your light tee shirt. His hands slid under the shirt and upwards. You made an overwhelmed noise.

He stopped and looked at you. “No, keep going,” you muttered, hot. His hands resumed and slid up to cup a breast. He massaged you gently and your knees grew weak.

“Fuck me, fuck me right here,” your felt your pussy growing wet and needy.

He kept up his ministrations, “Really? I just wanted to make out.”

You laughed softly, but undid your pants. He noticed and growled, flipping your around so that your face was pressed into the rough wall. Your pants were yanked down to mid thigh. You felt exposed for a moment, but his body quickly flattened against yours. You felt the bulge in his pants against your ass. He rubbed himself against you jerkily.

“I can’t wait to be inside of you, mesh’la,” you heard his voice, low and raspy. Your pussy clutched around nothing, “Oh hurry up, hurry up…”

You felt him fumbling with his clothing. Finally his cock slapped into your ass. Relieved, you presented your pussy to him by tilting your hips.

He moaned loudly as his tip came into contact with your wet lips. He rubbed back and forth in your folds and over your clit, gathering your arousal. By the time he was circling your entrance, he was fully holding you up you were so weak in the knees.

“You’re so wet and tight,” he slid into you slowly. You shuddered, his cock was bigger than what you were used to. The tip penetrated you slowly, pushing further into you. Your mouth fell open as he bottomed out in you. He paused for a moment, moaning your name softly. Cockdumb, you pushed back desperately into him, murmuring almost to yourself. He grabbed your hips and started to fuck up into you without warning.

The sensation of him pumping into you was intense. His cock filled you up and then some. He changed the angle slightly and you let out a low groan as his cock hit your g spot. You couldn’t communicate any more than to push back onto him for more. His hands tightened their grip on you. You felt hot breath on the back of your neck and squirmed.

“We could… do this… all the time… if you… come with me,” Boba spoke in spurts between thrusts. Seeing stars, you moaned something about agreeing, you couldn’t really tell. Boba’s grip on you tightened as your pussy tightened around him. “Cum on me mesh’la, I wanna feel you,” Boba’s voice was low and strained. His cock’s assault on your g spot continued, hitting you deep. His hands crept around your torso to cup your tits.

Suddenly you thought you heard Wrex’s voice. You ignored it. But it sounded again, and Boba’s rhythm broke as he pulled out of you. Complaining, you turned your head to the right. Boba was still standing behind you, shielding your state of undress by keeping his body pressed lightly against yours.

“You’ve got to be kidding me! This old fuck?”

Boba sighed heavily but didn’t respond to Wrex. You were lost for words. Mostly you were upset that you and Boba were no longer fucking. As reality set in, you became embarrassed. But Boba’s proximity comforted you in the awkward situation.

“You been thinking of him the whole time, huh, waiting for him to drill you on this godforsaken planet?”

You coughed.

“Maybe you could let her get dressed…” Boba’s hands slid down your legs to tug up your pants. You fastened them quickly and Boba stepped back; you turned away from the wall and leaned against it, facing Wrex.

“Well?” Wrex put his hands on his hips.

You cleared your throat and unconsciously grabbed Boba’s hand. He looked at you out of the corner of his eye and squeezed your hand in response.

“Wrex, I, we…” you started. “I’m staying on Tattooine.”

Wrex’s mouth opened and closed. He furrowed his brow at you, as if he was trying to understand what you’d said. Finally he asked, “Why?”

“I - I think I’m tired of space. And the cramped quarters.” You turned slightly towards Boba, knowing you were leaving him out of your reasoning. “And, well, there’s other reasons too…” you trailed off, but you were still holding Boba’s hand.

Wrex put his hands on his head, “So you’re just out, just like that?” He cursed and kicked at the ground.

Guilty, you looked down, but Boba squeezed your hand again. You looked up at him. He smiled at you, a broad open smile for once. Shocked, you also broke out into a slow smile.

“What the fuck is this, what the fuck is this,” Wrex murmured to himself. You watched him start to melt down, and wondered how to get out of the current situation with Boba.

Boba seemed to have his own idea. He pulled your hand gently to get you to start walking. The two of you started to walk around Wrex, giving him a wide berth. Wrex’s hand shot out to grab you. Boba’s free hand intercepted and slapped Wrex’s away. Before you knew it, you were on Boba’s other side so that he was between you and Wrex.

Wrex squared off, “You don’t need to protect her from me.”

Boba didn’t move. Wrex made an ugly expression. Before the two could engage, the shiny Mandalorian and Shand came around the corner.

“We wanted to join the party,” Fennec rested her weight on one foot casually.

“I can still fight my own fights,” Boba said defensively. You smiled a bit. Din shrugged. “But we’re your entourage.”

Boba sighed. Wrex looked confused and intimidated. You took the opportunity to speak up, “I am too now.” Shand’s eyes grew wider for a second and Din’s helmet tilted. “So let’s get going.” You wanted to leave the situation behind now that you had made up your mind. You took one last look at Wrex. He was glaring at you, but you wanted this new chapter in your life so badly. You nodded goodbye stoically. Boba turned away from Wrex and led your foursome back to your table.

Once seated, he discreetly slipped his hand on your thigh under the table. While you tried to explain your addition to the group, he teased you by lightly tracing up and down you upper leg. You squirmed, trying to keep a casual air about yourself. Finally his hand delivered on its promise and slide all the way up you thigh to the v of your legs. By this time, the conversation had turned to other topics and the attention was off you.

You bit your lower lip very slightly and looked Boba’s direction with your eyes. He sat impassively, listening to Fennec and Din debate something about which speeder model was faster. But his hand continued its mission, rubbing you lightly through your pants. Your body responded, and you felt yourself getting wet again and your breathing rate increase gradually. You scooted closer to him slowly. Soon your legs were flush against each other. His fingers applied more pressure to your clit, making your legs spread wider almost involuntarily.

You noticed Din’s helmet tilt towards you slightly and wondered if you had given yourself away somehow. Nervous, you closed your legs around Boba’s hand. He paused his actions and turned his head toward you nonchalantly. You shot him a trepid look.

“Let’s head back to the Palace,” he said, looking at you and lightly squeezing you under the table. The other two paused their conversation to agree. You stood shakily and followed your new posse outside, while wondering if you heard right. Palace? Was it some kind of inside joke?

***

The speeder ride was long, but direct. You held on to Boba and periodically peered around his shoulder. Jabba’s old palace grew larger and larger. You started to piece it together. When the speeder engines died at the front entrance, you asked, “You working here now?”

Fennec laughed and Boba smiled. “He owns the joint now,” Fennec said, eyes watching you.

Your surprise was apparent, “Ah.”

You looked from Boba to the palace. “Nice digs,” you didn’t know what else to say. He shrugged and took your arm to escort you inside.

As you walked out of the sun’s reach, he explained, “Fennec and I… took over from Fortuna.”

You raised an eyebrow but didn’t ask where Bib was now. You could guess. Instead, you asked, “So you like being a crime lord now?”

He laughed, “It’s alright. And, I prefer daimyo.”

You couldn’t tell if he was serious or not, so you changed the subject, “What’s there to eat in this joint?”

Fennec chimed in, “Oh we have a great culinary droid. What do you want?” You planned the menu with her in the way inside, Boba and Din trailing behind.

After dinner, Fennec showed you to your new quarters. She eyed you curiously, but asked none of the questions she clearly had. Full from the assorted feast you had just taken part in, you didn’t feel like indulging her anyway. So you politely listened as she explained the layout of the palace and who was where. You perked up when she mentioned Boba’s rooms, but she didn’t elaborate. After she had gone, you tried to decide if you should look for Boba in his rooms. Did you remember enough of what Fennec had said?

You didn’t have long to debate. A ding sounded at your door. You answered it hopefully, and were rewarded with the sight of Boba. He grinned at you, “Can I come in? I feel like we left something unfinished earlier…”

Your mind went to the cantina alcove, you pressed against the wall while Boba pounded into you. Your mouth went dry. Instead of speaking, you moved to the side, making room for him to enter. He took the invitation and strolled in, teasing, “Loth cat got your tongue?”

You smiled but couldn’t think of a response. He smiled back and took your hand, pulling you along gently. He led you to your bedroom, and positioned you between him and the bed so that the backs of your knees hit the mattress. He pulled you tightly against himself, speaking softly, “Can I undress you?”

You muttered agreement quietly, immersed in his proximity. A hand came up and cupped the back of your head. He kissed you, his other hand wrapping around your waist. After a moment, his hands slowly moved over your body, pulling your shirt up over the head. The fabric drug over your skin, making you shudder. He resumed kissing you, dropping your clothing to the side. You felt him undo your pants and slip his fingers between your panties and your skin. Finding your clit, he rubbed achingly slowly, the pressure and friction driving you wild. Your pussy grew hot and wet. Your hands went to your pants, and you yanked them off. You threw yourself into his arms, “I need you, fuck me.”

“As you wish,” he pushed you into the mattress and pulled your legs apart. Your squirmed, feeling urgent. His breath was suddenly on your neck, making you shudder. He kissed his way up to your cheek before kissing your mouth. Shifting his weight, he readjusted his clothing until he moved back over you. His cock pressed into your pussy through your wet underwear. He groaned, rocking his hips jerkily. “You miss my cock, hm?”

Arching your back slightly, you spread wider for him, “Baby, I wanna feel you slid into me.” You pressed your lips against his, your hands on his shoulders, fingers digging into him slightly. He bit your lower lip softly as he slid a finger under your panties, into your folds. His fingers entered you partially, but they slid out to pull your clothes to the side. His cock pushed into you abruptly, feeling welcome and overwhelming at the same time. You moaned to him, “Hard.” Without any pause, he obeyed, fucking into you hard and fast.

You turned your head to the side, into the blanket. He took the opportunity to nuzzle into your neck as his cock slid in and out of you, making wet fucking noises. Your pussy clutched around him and he grunted. “Ready to cum for me?” His voice was rough with lust.

You turned your head back and pressed your cheekbone into the side of his head. Feeling yourself close, you mumbled something to him about cumming. You started to cum then, moaning and feeling your pussy clamp down on Boba’s shaft. His fucking became rough and erratic, “You feel incredible, fuck you feel so good, mesh’la.” His strokes were short and urgent. He groaned as your pussy tightened around him. “Fuck, I — I’m gonna cum, fuck, mesh’la…” He groaned into your shoulder, cock stilling in you as he gasped and shuddered. You wrapped your arms around him, heart beating fast.

After a moment of shared heaving breathing, he rolled off you, pulling you on your side and against his body. You snaked an arm around his torso. “You wanna… come sleep in my room?” His voice was very soft. You smiled to yourself for a second before answering, “As you wish.”

He squeezed you for a second. “I did wish. And, finally it came true.” You snuggled into him. “Was I your ‘dream girl?’�� You teased. “Yeah,” he admitted, squeezing you gently again. “You know the deal… I was trying to play it cool.” He sighed contentedly, “Totally worked.”

“It was the armor,” you cooed.

“…really?”

You grinned, deciding to let him wonder.