#or I simply can't continue them
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how do people have ideas. I wanna draw or write but have absolutely 0 ideas. and I am too lazy to work on wips. how do you get ideas
#like genuinely I see people saying they have so many ideas they wanna write/draw while I wanna do that too but my brain is empty 😭#can't relate bro like there's nothing in there#I don't leave my wips bc of a new idea I leave em bc I get bored of em you feel#or I go into the 'I can't write/draw I suck bro' spiral so I think they're bad or smth#or I simply can't continue them#I literally don't know what to do and need ideas#someone help how do you just do that 😭😭#it's getting frustrating atp#and when I do get ideas I don't even know where to start#or I can't form it perfectly in my head#so my brain just either abandons it or art/writersblock stop me#it suckkkkss 💀#and to add onto that my ideas are almost rarely actual ideas#they're literally vibes bro 😭#I can't form a perfect idea in my head#it's all blurry n wtv#thank you for nothing brain#levi's ted talks#not ninjago
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my personal headcanon is the vees were unremarkable nobodies when they were alive. i just love it as a thematic throughline for them. they love to let the public of hell speculate on them being famed and acclaimed since before death, but the the truth is they were a d-list failed influencer that got by on cheap controversey and scamming, a broke junkie who burned every shaky bridge he ever had, and a worn-out broadcast production assistant with more rejected auditions and tossed out script pitches than he could count. nobody missed them when they were gone, nobody cared who they were until they were dead.
#because villains who didn't start off supremely powerful are more interesting to me#vees#it's not that they CAN'T be better. or that they're simply ignorant of the ways they fuck up others lives#they actually all do have that knowledge of being the underdog. and it's made them all the more shitty#because they never want to be those people again#narratives about people who make each other worse <3#to be clear they were still shitty people in life. manipulative. consumed by greed and envy. all their individual flaws etc etc#but hell made them into the absolute worst versions of themselves#of course what their Worst Self is and the journey/length of time/initial reaction to being in hell varies#like val sees hell as a continuation of the things happening in life. just w/ the power dynamics always privileging him#it's the same drugs and violence. except the violence isn't just survival anymore but the chance to indulge his deeply sadistic desires#vox has completely dissociated from his time alive. that person is dead and he's reinvented himself 1000 times over since then#90% of the time he has those memory files shoveled into a hidden directory#he refuses to acknowledge that he's still haunted by some of the same insecurities from almost a century ago#val doesn't necessarily see his living self in a fond light but he does see that person as fundamentally him#velvette thinks life was full of people who weren't her demographic but fortunately that's been fixed by sinners!#they just couldn't Get Her and that was all their faults#the primary way they view their past selves can be summed up as: scorn (vox) apathy (valentino) and in denial (velvette)#sorry the bulk of the post was in the tags. i will be doing this again#the scorn is the coping mechanism for shame. of course
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She is so so pretty but also her face is so so dumb sometimes and the only thing to do is smooch her on her little forehead!
#my most beloved pigroll is an absolute delight#I can't stand being pawed at but she's decided that's her way of acquiring the snuggles and I can't fault her for that#somebody hella rewarded her when she slapped them and we've been reaping the horrors ever since <3#is it worth training and fostering a different attention seeking behaviour?#or do I just accept that this creature has found a solid means of communication that produces the results she wants and I#simply continue to be pawed at (at home and at work 😔)#turnpike
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If you're waiting for a reply from me, I'm really sorry for the wait! I have most of them written in drafts, but I'm holding on to all of them except the resonance thread (Resi is a fickle muse sometimes and I don't want to lose him while he's working with me) because I'm trying to get some artwork done for commissions and gifts!! I plan to release threads come Friday, but i really appreciate the patience! ^^
#i promise i'm still interested in writing with everyone! I know i don't gotta explain myself#but. alas. My special interest is writing. And I cannot draw if I Owe Replies because my brain simply won't let me#so i write them and then hold them until i've made the progress i need to and then i get to release them as a treat#So thank you everyone who doesn't mind waiting!! I'm giving you smooches on the cheeks if you want them!!#and i'm SO excited to continue so many of these threads <3#tristan rambles#update#I WILL happily answer DMs/IMs or asks though! since they're usually not anything i can't set aside while working and get back to when i can
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no, actually my least favorite thing about watching thai dramas while speaking & understanding thai... is that the dialects never match up 😭😭😭 if a character is from a non-central province, they'll have their whole family speak in northern/southern/isaan dialect while the main character, who's played by an actor from bangkok, will unexplainably not have any remnants of his native dialect when he speaks even though he was born & raised in the area and often time never even left... that shit breaks the fourth wall to me, like... why even hire an actor who doesn't fit the role fully, I don't get it 😭
#axelle rants#i told sunset about you#to be continued#I'm too lazy to tag ALMOST EVERY SHOW THAT TAKES PLACE OUT OF BKK#I adore itsay but this is literally its only AND biggest flaw in my eyes bc why the fuck is teh only breaking into southern dialect -#- for shits & giggles when he was born in phuket and lived there his whole life like WUT#same for oh-aew the dude never speaks southern dialect at all it makes ZERO sense#but teh's mom tarn & SOME of the friends speak correctly... it's so jarring#there's only 3 types of shows that have avoided this#1) to me it's simply you where nadech's character speaks both isaan dialect & central dialect as a way to show us that his character is -#- ashamed of his roots & then gradually accepts them. it's well done imo#2) isaan shows with an entirely isaan cast & crew like siew sum noi and nah harn... which is why I love isaan shows sm#3) I believe 1000 stars did this well? unless earth's character is supposed to be northern which in that case nevermind#HOWEVER bkpp MADE itsay so I'm willing to forgive the fact that they can't speak southern dialect even though it takes me out of the show#axelle learns thai
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electric guitar... electric guitar save me.......
#i just need to get enough money by the end of the year to buy an electric guitar that's IT#my big dream is actually to start a band. dead serious.#but i can't sing past a very small range (good screamer tho) no space for drums and don't want to play bass....#the electric guitar is simply the coolest instrument you see#anyway maybe i'll save and get a telecaster but idk the best beginner's guitar so#i'm continuing the tradition of my sisters getting into instruments and then never touching them again#for my oldest sister it was the violin for my other sister it was the acoustic#but this time i'll actually like practice daily and git gud at it PROMISE YOU THAT#and also i need money to buy cool outfits too... what's a guitarist without a cool outfit
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it's rlly fun how my parents just straight up. do not care. about the disordered eating. we had all this talk back when i went through a big suicidal crisis a couple months ago, i explained what was really difficult for me, eating socially, restaurants, not choosing my food, etc, and now it's like. okay it didn't exist actually.
mother i am not going to order you around, either you accept that i'm gonna have difficulty dealing with "normal people behavior" or whatnot and you stop looking at me like :/ anytime i am anything but ecstatic at the idea of eating anything anytime anyhow, or you adapt your behavior to avoid the results you don't like to see. i'm only doing my best to handle things from my side, and i am certainly not going to try measuring for you how important family social eating occurences are to you.
#''we should talk abt it uwu'' WE TALKED ABOUT IT. STOP COMPLAINING THAT DOING STUFF THAT I CAN'T EASILY HANDLE MAKES ME WEIRD.#EITHER YOU ASSUME IT'S GOING TO MAKE ME WEIRD BECAUSE YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW AND WHY#OR YOU STOP DOING IT IF IT'S SO UWU HEARTBREAKING UWU FOR YOU TO WATCH#i'm not happy about how guilty i am too of that specific brand of ''oh this is so sad *continues doing nothing*'' form of ''compassion''#they just want me to perform anorexia recovery for them#so they can feel okay we're doing a good job at raising a normal child#they don't give a shit as long as the compusive eating is my mom's meal at the dinner table#just like they didnt care when i had roughly the same problems but not as bad before i had a restrictive phase#i cannot compromise because then WHAT im just hurting my parents for a situation that doesnt make me any happier either?#i do not want to live with them. i do not want to go place or do activities with them.#i dont want to talk to them most of the time and im perfectly willing to handle the times it could be cool to.#but it's really hard to start developping a life of your own when you first of all need like two weeks of total life-reset#quiet at home#and ''at home'' there's your parents who will simply not stop trying to pull you into going random bullshit places#and i can't say no. because the places ARE interesting and time-limited. and it makes them happy. and what am i gonna do anyway?#keep doing nothing on the computer and wait for them to come back to keep doing only the shittiest parts of this unsatisfactory routine?#try to do some work in the house or go out. for them to see that something happened?#i dont know how to live like a normal person#literally not once in my life have i been able to think ''oh i need to do X'' and then just. do X. prepare what's necessary for doing X.#go out and do X. i have to keep stuck at this computer or in this room or with this book.#because there is a million different obstacles to every single thing i'm trying to achieve and half of them are parents-shaped.#everything hurts holy shit#broadcasting my misery#vent#ed tw
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It's a very special kind of a Hell when you ship a rare pair in a very specific way, and one day your ship gets a new shipper making content, but they ship your ship wrong 🙃🙃🙃🙃
#wrong to me specifically#I'm sorry but Merle is a bottom lol#he does *not* top Rick#he tops maybe Daryl on occasion#though honestly I think this is mostly that *Rick* simply is not a bottom to me#like where I can see Merle topping certain people#I can't see Rick bottoming unless literally forced to#this isn't me telling people *not* to write whatever they want#this is just me complaining about a thing that bothers me#I literally just won't ever read those fics#by all means continue to write them#I just personally hate them on principle#it's also probably because I was one of the first people to really start writing rick/merle fic in earnest#like before me I think there may have been one or two fics#so the ship feels like my baby lol
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Alright time to blacklist the word vote again.
#do not lecture me#or think for one second that your holier than thou social media lecture is going to seriously convince jaded people to vote#like repeatedly saying 'well republicans worse' is simply going to continue to exhaust people who are already exhausted#also find it tiresome that the literal fucking moment a Democrat does something bad I have to see a million fucking posts#about how no one is allowed to be upset or annoyed or to dare post anything online even slightly negative#about them or the voting process#that we can't have a fucking reaction. Ever.#like save it!!! Fucking save it!!!!
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after months of inactivity on simblr, i’ve decided to start a new lepacy! meet Soraia Queiroz, a style influencer living in oasis springs~
[starter home by kkustura on the gallery]
#i lost all motivation to continue the other one even though i LOVE them#the switch to the EA app completely destroyed my motivation simply bc i have the game on steam#and i can't fuckin activate and deactivate DLC on a whim anymore#+ the big updates completely ruined THAT mods folder so. starting from scratch again hellooo#playing with the base game only IS weird though#ts4#the sims 4#ts4 gameplay#ts4 screenshot#soraia queiroz#ts4 lepacy#queiroz legacy#queiroz g1#queiroz round 1#(i've decided to start counting rounds from the beginning bc i'll start rotational play once i have Kids)
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4 years with cix....
#every time I remember it shocks me how long it's been#gonna just continue head in handing until their debut anniv tbh...#simply can't believe have been with them for so long 😭❤️
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dfhaskdfjsdkf good day 😭
#🌙.vents#i don't remember sleeping this long i think i woke up 12 then 2 then#5. i wld've slept for longer if i didn't force myself to get up n i think the milk tea helped wake me a bit#i'm so..#the burden of my regrets r so suffocating. there are times i can't see anything else when i'm drowning in them.#if such trivial failures affect me this much then how tf will i survive in this cruel world?#i know i'll always find my way but i wonder the lengths of what i sacrifice. of what i deny and destroy within myself#& of how it'll affect me in the unforeseeable future. of what more loss and pain it'll bring in this world#compared to before i don't often put up a mask anymore. even if it's painful i choose to be authentic. i've improved in that sense#but it's not enough. perhaps i'm simply too harsh on myself; forgetting i am human and that i falter too. i'm not perfect n i shouldn't be.#even with my shortcomings there r ppl that stay. that say thank you. and. yeah. yeah.. that should be proof enough of real reciprocation#but.#i don't know am i really just so afraid of being forgotten? left behind? thinking of it n i used to write of that fear often back then#opening up to 'friends'. being told i was loved. that i would always have my place here#this is pathetic i grew up relying too much on success for my worth. i know i'm so much more but#i placed this on myself. this is the ocean i chose to drown myself in. so when i falter in the only thing i grew up being good that#bcs it hurts yk i used to draw. i painted a lot as a kid but what happened to that passion?#i used to write. a lot. but these past few years.. i don't know what's wrong with me. why it's so hard to do that again#piano. if i continued i would have.. i really had the potential to be. good. i mean i#i've never been a genius i've honestly always hated being called that. i know i've always been naturally smart but.#my hard-work carried me further. and i'm not.. smart enough or good enough to be a genius. never have been.#hollow compliments. before hs it was like everyone really just knew me for my brain. nothing of the way i wrote or my passions. just smarts#so now i'm just a shadow; a ghost of who i used to be. in that aspect at least. but. now w my other strengths they've been faltering too#i'm sorry i should've been better i should do more i know i can. but maybe i. i've always overestimated myself#i think when i was around 6-8 before grade school i can't really remember anymore but there was this competition i think#i would've gotten second if i didn't hesitate. if i didn't fucking hesitate. n i think that always stuck with me#bcs i was really quite the timid shy kid. even though i was older i wld be the one following apollo.. i'm sorry. they deserve more than me#bulbel is making me cry bye wtf
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okay so i have too many ideas and i've been writing about THREE different characters but i suddenly just... lost every ounce of inspiration i had so i'd appreciate if you could send any thoughts/requests 😭😭
#i may continue them later but i simply can't do it now 😭#i had the best angsty jackie blurb but i cannot think of any dialogs#i was writing something about van but.. not sure if i was loving it#i was ALSO writing something about deena from fear street but i just found out a bot with a really similar scenario so 😭#please send something#would y'all like something about movie!olive abroholos?? from mphfpc#yellowjackets#sammy speaks:3#yellowjackets showtime
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I want to die 👐
#vent#tw sui ideation#im thinking that if the problem is so deeply rooted inside me then why continue to live? as stubborn as i am i wont really ever let go of#my pathology. not when i still breathe.#i compare myself to people and i even spill my turbulent personality to them in hopes of a response#and time and time again i either get nothing or something that simply makes no sense to me#but when you dont care. well. i may have lied about my capacity for selflessness#my emotional needs are my lifeline. and it keeps fraying#an existance like this is one where you only suffer and wait for death. when your insides are hollow then there is nothing for you#no one can fill this void but yourself. myself#and i won't i can't do it
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i've been making a lot of bad art lately which is one of the world's most healing activities but if you have perfectionist tendencies you really have to commit to volume (if you make ONE bad painting it's just a bad painting whereas if you make 20 it's a meditative practice!). unfortunately we live in a one bedroom apartment and now we have to commit a significant portion of our storage to bad paintings. i would recycle them but unfortunately i need spare bad paintings to weave together into bad papercraft!!
anyway so i decided to move my bad artmaking into a new, smaller sphere and make bad linocuts. and let me tell you. if you are trying to get past thinking "my art should be good," linocut is a wonderful teacher. everything can be going great and then you exert slightly too much palm pressure and WHOOPS! sliced the face off. luckily the craft is so niche that negative self-talk can't really stick to it. i'll think something like "everybody else's linocuts are perfect. nobody else fucked up their linocut of a hot lady sphinx." and this is such a patently bananas sentence that i can simply laugh fondly at it and continue hacking away at my little rubber square. recommend
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YouTube yesterday: Hey btw The Longest Johns just released a song about Horatio Nelson's death.
Me: Cool, excuse me as I stare off into space and think about L'Manburgian soldiers' reaction to hearing about Kiril's dying to withering whenever I play the song.
#regicide au#like yes I know realistically Kiril would be a bit of a controversial figure in L'Manburg#his father (and ancestry in general tbh) represents centuries of colonialism and oppression#like ffs you can't just walk into a place like Pogtopia going 'hi I promise I'm a good Krafta'#when you've had to spend the past few years drastically unlearning all the colonialist propaganda you were fed as a child#anyway Artur is representative of continuing the oppression of an entire people no matter how hard you have to grind your boot on them#while Kiril represents the effort to at least make a start on fixing the mistakes of the past#with liberation in the hopes that will open the door for reparations etc#not that he ever expects to see that because he'll be dead from fratricide#(not to mention shit like that will take generations for the wounds to begin healing so no veteran of this war will live to see it either)#he still wants to do *something* as a way to work towards that better future though#a war of independence sure as fuck wasn't what he imagined but 'the universal language is violence' yada yada#it certainly seems to be Artur's universal language#and Kiril gains an even better image of himself as a general who is willing to fight and potentially die with his soldiers#those under his command absolutely have deep respect for him thanks to how he conducts himself#...and then the withered arrows start flying#people are going to end up talking about how he never let on he was hit himself#he simply visited the affected soldiers in the infirmary some of whom were doomed to die in one of the worst ways possible#then he was gone. just grabbed by his brother so he could be killed in Rayusel (or away from the public eye in general)#rumours are going to fly about all sorts of things pertaining to Kiril's final hours but one thing is for sure#there is going to be grief amongst the soldiers who loved him#'let him die in peace' ...yeah they really are going to hope that somehow he didn't suffer as much as a typical withering victim#god I am just shaking this song vigourously by its shoulders I swear
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