#or ‘trans people ESPECIALLY x kind of trans people experience y’

[sinistersuns]

i think we gotta be more careful about falling into the trap of placing heaps of blame on the most vulnerable groups around us because it’s easier, emotionally or otherwise, than going after those in power. like i mostly talk about transandrophobia right now and how transmascs get so much shit thrown at us because were easier to attack than cis people, and i’ve seen people do the same thing to transfems and NBs too. to me it’s extra disappointing when it’s someone who is vocally supportive of transmascs doing it (like generalizing all transfems as being hostile to transmascs/being transandrophobic). it’s of course important to talk about inter community issues and point out harmful behaviors and ideologies when we see them, and talk about how someone’s life experience might lead them to be that way, but singling out one type of trans person as The Culprit is not helpful and just feels like it further drives a wedge into our community. we may be able to perpetuate aspects of the transphobic systems cis people put in place, but none of us are responsible for them and we don’t benefit from them, past surface level “acceptance” from people who’d be more comfortable if one type of trans person or all of us didn’t exist at all

[ugly-anarchist]

Anti-masculinity as I describe it isn't supposed to be this systemic model of oppression that labels x group over here as the oppressor of y group. It's about the beliefs that people hold and the way they influence certain groups of queer people. It's more about lateral mistreatment within the queer community then it is systemic oppression or privilege. It's a unifying label of experiences. And yes... Anti-femininity exists too. Of course it does. Why the fuck are people claiming it doesn't?

Anti-masculinity is the belief that men, masculinity, or having traits that people perceive as masculine makes someone inherently predatory, abusive, or perverted. Anti-masculinity can also come in the form of forcing people into specific masculine gender roles.

Examples of anti-masculinity are: Trans men being told they're transitioning to the "problematic" gender. Trans women who don't pass being labeled as predatory and scary. Intersex people with hyperandrogenism being told their high T levels make them a threat to fem people. Butch sapphics, especially those who take T, being called traitors to their gender and forced out of sapphic spaces. Amab or masc nonbinary people who aren't accepted into "women and nonbinary" spaces because they are seen as too masculine. Bi women who like men being ostracized from sapphic spaces because "no one wants to kiss a mouth that has had a dick in it".

These people, with a variety of different labels and experiences, have a unifying experience of being targeted for traits that are seen as masculine and therefore bad. Masculinity is often seen as the enemy of queerness and this impacts the way queer people are treated within the community. Again, this isn't about systemic oppression. It's about the unfair treatment that some queer people experience because masculinity is seen as inherently predatory and men are seen as the enemy.

Yes, you can claim or argue that anti-masculinity is "just X form of oppression" but all of the things I listed stem from a hatred of masculinity. All of this would be solved if we didn't view masculinity as the enemy.

And this isn't something that is perpetuated by a single group or community either. Again, it is lateral and often self-inflicted. Sometimes very literally. A lot of people internalize anti-masculinity and inflict it on themselves. They feel shame for liking men, being men, or looking masculine.

In order to be accepting of all queer people we need to unlearn anti-masculinity and judge others by their actions. Not the gender they identify as, how they present, or what physical traits they have that are out of their control. No one should feel bad or ashamed for who they're attracted to, what they look like, or what their gender is. I kind of thought that was the point of the queer community but apparently some people on tumblr have forgotten that.

[puppiekit]

I think the funniest thing ever to me is seeing people on tumblr preach "transandrophobia bad" but then you look at the transandrophobia tag and its basically just "transmascs are not cis, do not have cis privileges, and still face oppression / societal discrimination" and "I have personally faced (X) and (Y) issue because of my tansmasc identity"

.... Aka literally no different from any other minority on planet earth talking about their issues.

But for some reason people on tumblr want to tell you acknowledging this issue specifically, and putting a name to it, is not only bad (because for some reason acknowledging that transmascs have issues = claiming cis men are oppressed...? Because idk people feel the need to make shit up);

but actively harmful to transfems (And I'm going to be blunt here: acting like transfems are the only ones who have problems, or are the only ones allowed to talk about their problems, is so incredibly horrible it's actually insane. And quiet frankly very infantilizing).

To be quiet frank it only boils down to the communities continuous hatred for masculinity. Nobody wants to admit the fact that their community will never be a truly safe space before they stop labeling people "good" or "bad" dependent on who they are or how they chose to identify. It's harmful when cis people do it, and it's equally as harmful when queers do it.

And don't even get me started on the fact that a large part of this pointless beef is rooted in the communities refusal to acknowledge intersectionality (aka a bunch of white people unable to grasp the fact that they are not the default and peoples race can play a part in their gender, how it is perceived, and how it effects their oppression... Including masculinity).

I know this is going to piss a bunch of people off but to be entirely honest I was raised a woman for 18+ years, and I still socially pass for a woman NOW, and the shit I get in my day to day life does not even compare to the amount of hostility I face FROM MY OWN COMMUNITY as a transmasc.

At least a random person on the street will be blatant about their hatred for me, trans or not. The people in this community will instead manipulate and gaslight and try to convince you their crap treatment towards transmascs is "a good thing" or "good allyship". No, hating others for identifying a way you don't like and and "betraying their womanhood" does not make you a good ally to anybody, and especially transfems -- in fact, I'd say you're kind of throwing them under the bus by using them as an excuse to be a terrible person.

Whatever... Ignore my rant... I'm tired of people being terrible to eachother. And also it super pissed me off as a POC to see people compare talking about the problems transmascs face to "what if white people claimed they were being discriminated against for being white?!?!?!" as if that is anywhere near the same..... Like are you a legitimate dumbass or what? Why the hell do you people always use POC and their experiences as leverage against others.

How are you going to compare a TRANS person talking about their unique experiences with TRANSPHOBIA to a person at a societal advantage falsely claiming to be oppressed??? POC are only worth considering when you can use our issues to your benefit I guess

WHATEVER.....

[theangryman]

kink as religion/spirituality

it’s a little gauche to say something is “like a cult” - it’s overused as an expression

but a large problem i have with kink/bdsm subculture is the commonalities with religion, the spiritual aspects

when you think of precedents for “consensual” ritualized harm and self harm, they are religious (several groups have traditions of undergoing full on crucifixions for Easter, there’s similar rites for some Shia Muslims for Ashura - which is today I believe)

the desire for progression as some sort of internal challenge - there’s always a desire and encouragement to expand one’s limits

it’s driven by the same desire for a transcendent experience

the communities’ members have strange persecution complexes, gaslighting victims of abuse, especially when by higher ranking members

the focus on hierarchy (leather culture had formalized rules - serve in a house, train as submissive - tortured gay men wanting to punish themselves - maybe can read a form a Catholicism into this; modern kink culture is like modern Protestantism in that any sufficiently well groomed upper middle class man can claim to have the unique skills to be a good pastor/“dom” and open up a church/dungeon)

the repulsion towards former members/critiques of systemic issues present (expression anti kink opinions has gotten me the same kind of hateful response from other trans men that being a trans man did in the 2010s online - to the point where gendering people correctly appears to be optional for folks who are anti kink? the double whammy of being accused of being a TERF and than insulted with “girl” is always a fucking whiplash - can you not use the term “TERF” to mean “anyone i don’t like,” y’all look like fucking morons)

maybe many of these things can be applied to things like multi level marketing or any other extremely large organizational idea that people subsume their identity into, but the aspect of seeking “ecstasy” adds a hellish intensity to the mix

and like losing one’s religion, it’s difficult to leave. it’s difficult to part with the thought parties the beliefs. it’s difficult to justify to outsiders. (i agreed to let him do X but he did Y - the specifics don’t matter but it’s going to happen to you)

it creates mind bending cognitive dissonance - only puritanical criticisms of kink can be addressed. no matter what critique of kink you make, the response is

men are submissive too! (go actually look at femdom porn/hentai lol and see what they want or make a troll fet dom-F account if you don’t believe me + most submissive men are trans men with self esteem issues - the type who have boyfriends that refer to them as their girlfriend to their family; the religious analog would be something about complementary gender roles perhaps)

it’s all about consent! (what do we say about consent in power dynamics? now this is a subtle point, which is made impossible to address because it is such a fundamental threat to heterosexuality itself, that Dworkin tried to make and was glossed into “all sex is rape” because it is such a threat - what do we say to the idea of consent when we are fundamentally unequal human beings by nature of assigned sex of birth? who makes more money? who can overpower? i think most have gotten the picture that what Thomas Jefferson did to Sally Hemings was unambiguously rape, but what about all of the women throughout history when marital rape was considered the norm? it requires acknowledging that your great grandpa probably raped your great grandma, or up and down that line for thousands of generations - maybe if you acknowledge up front that gooners are going to want you to agree to humiliating and disgusting sex acts up front - that agreeing to have mutual fun with a stranger means rolling the dice on physical assault - maybe if you agree up front and pretend you can set some kinds of rules it’ll work out; similarly, religion is the comfort that life isn’t pointless suffering and maybe we’ll get to see our dog and grandma again if you follow these rules)

you can’t project your trauma onto the community/bad people aren’t doing really kink (i have a fairly large sampling size of kink partners and experiences personally. i genuinely don’t believe my arguments can be dialed down to “i had personal trauma in kink thus all kink is bad” unless one is taking my words at bad faith. this very much reeks of accusing atheists of hating god because of trauma or not getting what they want.)

you don’t actually believe that/you’re lying/you want it (these are obvious comparisons to religion)

these feel like the same kinds of responses i see to ex Mormons/Jehovah’s Witnesses/etc online

modern kink is similar to modern Protestantism in that it facilitates the creation of micro cults. institutionalization of kink is structured such that critique can be deflected onto individual actors. i’d argue Reddit is a major source of kink “education” - and no one can deny that subreddits can have concerning moderators. You have Fetlife, which is primarily heterosexual, male dom/female sub pornography. You have a couple of Booktok tier pop psych books which encourage Bronze Age marriage models. This maps to the diffuse ways in which American Protestantism propagates its ideas - it’s a nebulous mess of ideas that can evaporate when asked to take responsibility. We can’t hold all Christians accountable for Mark Driscoll’s ideas; we can’t hold all kinksters responsible for the actions of [insert the creeps who message you if you take up my suggestion of a troll fetlife account]. But can we not ask what it says about American Protestantism that Mark Driscoll exists and says what he says? And can we not look askew when what he said could be happily echoed by a kinkster as long as it was prefixed with “it’s kinky and consensual btw <3” and had been posted on fetlife anonymously - instead of his own church forum?

Kink is reactionary ideology which has parasitized societal acceptance of queer folks to justify the abusive dynamics of heterosexual relationships and sex, which has replaced religion as the justification for that dynamic.

[amageish]

So, I've now done the Marvel Move Pride run! Here's my spoiler-light thoughts/impressions...

Marvel Move, art by Luciano Vecchio.

I really enjoyed it~! It wasn't quite what I had been expecting, but it was a very fun take on a mutant-themed Pride story.

Instead of focusing on the protagonist of the previous X-Men runs, this story puts us in the running shoes of Producer, a new mutant who both produces social media content with Carmen Cruz and tentacles using their mutant gift. Producer is a silent protagonist, as is to be expected, but I enjoyed their vibe - they had some fun moments of tentacle self-expression. It's also just funny to me how varied the Move protagonists have been thus far - from relatively-average humans to tentacled mutants...

I liked the angles taken with all the lead characters! Carmen was a fun host, Bobby was appropriately joke-y with a hint of (intentional) cringiness, Cam Long was as stoic as to be expected, Jumbo was a very fun queer elder type of character, and Escapade was the right balance between adorably dorky and somewhat exasperated. Carmen discussing the appeal of making clothing by hand and the value in learning that practical skill instead of just relying on her mutant gift was a very interesting character choice too - love that for her and love indirect the commentary on continuing to make art by hand and not just relying on modern technology...

The villains were very well-done and the main speaking villain's actor killed it. This work-out app story is maaaaaaybe the most unambiguous and explicit use of mutant metaphor as a trans allegory I've seen in an official Disney product? Which is kind of impressive when I think a lot of the mutantphobia of ORCHIS and especially the Coven Akkaba drew from modern anti-trans rhetoric in the comics, but they REALLY leaned into it with the Friends of Humanity's portrayal here.

That said, it does also take a more intersectional approach to mutanthood as well, with the experiences of Bobby as a gay cis male mutant obviously being different from Shela as a sapphic trans female mutant, etc, etc. It was a good balance that made sure Pride story wasn't just pure mutant metaphor content...

So yeah! Good time overall. I wasn't expecting this run, but I'm glad to have gotten it.

(Also if this post ends up in the feeds of a bunch of Marvel Move people like my last one... Hello!!! Keep up the good work.)

[kienansidhe]

Saw your tags on a post and wanted to mention that trans women having their bulge be seen as gross also isn't an exceptional experience. It's definitely more visible because they face hyper visibility, but bigots treat all trans people that way.

If you need a one to one many NBs who have a penis will have their bulge treated the exact same as trans women. For a different but comparable experience, people who pack have it treated as gross as well and it's assumed to be a sexual thing. Same thing with people who've had phalloplasty.

I've also seen cis gay guys treated that way too. It's "gross" and assumed predatory. Because the cisheteropatriarchy punishes any deviance from traditional masculinity and femininity, queer bodies are as a whole demonized and policed. And that means a lot of bulges are treated as inherently sexual, threatening, and gross by mainstream society.

You kind of ended up doing the exact thing the post was warning against, where you assumed X doesn't happen to Y group of people, and only Z group of people experiences that. It's something that's easy to do but I hope you'll be able to expand your knowledge of the topic with this and also consider future things more broadly. There are definitely a few experiences one group will have different than another, but there's also a lot more overlap than people think. And there are very few experiences that literally only one group has, even if the exact way people experience it might differ some.

thank you for your thoughts! i inhabit a transmasc body that has chosen to only partially transition, and i struggle a lot with moral ocd, so on this site where there r a lot of loud ppl saying that trans women / transfems have it the worst of anyone, while other people say that different trans ppls struggles are different but not better or worse, while trolls and bullies muddy the conversation constantly, i really have trouble figuring out whats what.

i kinda default to deferring to trans womens voices because i dont know what its like to be transfem, but like, of course different transfems say different things and not all can be right at the same time, so its very confusing! im very afraid of erring on the side of dismissing transmisogyny, i guess? and theres so many ppl on this site who jump at the chance to call any statement transmisogynistic that i am maybe putting 'ofc trans women have it worse' disclaimers in too many places? (this is NOT trans womens fault, i see this from every demographic and often most viciously from other transmascs.) like. not gonna lie, im very scared of people on social media lol.

im sorry if ive made people feel invalidated by the way i talk abt this stuff, especially since i feel invalidated a lot when ppl call transmascs transmisogynistic for talking abt transandrophobia/transmisandry? maybe i need to just stop commenting and listen more until i can comment more confidently and with less fear. i dont know? im open to input!

[edit: heres the post and my tags that anon is referring to]

[tea-and-charcoal]

I knew that the denial of reproductive knowledge to people who can get pregnant is bad, but I didn't realize quite *how* bad it was until I started having complications with my own pregnancy and started asking questions. You are denied knowledge at every turn as soon as you try to get beyond the surface "here's what most people experience." I had several times where I was given contradictory advice from the same people in regards to "Expect X." / "But y happened." / "Oh that happens all the time. It's perfectly normal."

"Don't worry about it." "Well, no way to know." "Everyone is different, don't mind why." "[Repeats information you explicitly told them you know to sidestep the pointed question you asked]" It happens at every turn. They won't give odds in their prognoses, won't explain why guidelines are the way they are, just a lot of what boils down to "You don't get to know. Go back to being an incurious vessel and do what I say like a good little girl."

I've had this from multiple doctors, forums, I even had to pull out all the search engine tricks to find out what average non-pregnant hcg levels are (<1, by the way until you get near menopause. Still no luck finding out why the cutoff in labs is 4, though, or why once you get <10 the half-life falls off a cliff. Just a lot of "very helpful" people telling me anything less than 4 is not pregnant so I shouldn't worry about it.) All that information is only for the initiated to know, not for the people it affects.

I have no idea how we fix this. The repression reproductive knowledge based on the mistrust of women and anyone authorities are happy to pretend are women is dire. I'm in reproductive justice circles. I have a science education and can read medical articles fluently. *I* can't even find the answers to these questions, and this enforced ignorance has a real tangible harm for anyone with a uterus, especially those of us that can get pregnant. I'm sure part of it also stems from the brand of sexism within the medical community that is more than happy to label something "a women's problem" and refuse to study it further.

(Among the other things I couldn't find: how likely hydrophic damage to villi in tissue after a surgical abortion is to point to a molar pregnancy, so I just had to sit with "well, your miscarriage might have given you cancer, so don't have sex in case we have to give you chemo" for two weeks until the lab results came back and I was told "whoopsie you're fine. Why were you worried? I explicitly told you not to worry." That's the kind of thing we're talking about).

Access to knowlege is a reproductive justice issue, and it's worse than almost anyone knows. As much as I support grassroots efforts (which is why I'm talking about my own complications), I don't think it's going to change until doctors get beyond thinking "Sit down, shut up, be a good little girl." Whenever a pregnant person walks into their office.

(Also, terfs, fuck off. Im a nonbinary trans man and don't you dare touch this post)

[gurorori]

I think headcanoning canonically male characters as trans women can allow you to explore identity beyond just switching the anatomy of canonically female characters. Like often when male chara gets headcanoned as transmasc people just slap scars on him and done. If you basically genderspaw a character you can focus on their experience with transition more I think

Unfortunately half of the time people go "long hair = woman" instead... I'm sorry hajime

oh 100%, undeniably there r great ways 2 explore both kinds of genderswaps/trans hcs... neither is superior or more correct over the other, but i do think it still helps 2 keep in mind it can, in *some* hands, turn somewat shallow...

immediately makin it abt enstars since dats wat we r mostly into: 2 me it still becomes mehhh when ppl will do eveyrthin in their power 2 transfemify like 3-4 specific characters who r the most aesthetically (as in, appearance n physical expression i guess) feminine while not really givin a shit abt the canonically trans woman (who is not quite the most 'traditionally feminine' image of woman herself tbh). <- m not very good at explainin things but i hope im clear. it's just interestin seein both the bias compared 2 canon rep AS WELL as the bias compared 2 like. the rest of the cast dats not shu hiyori etc

as always ppl r entitled 2 do as they wish w interpretations n all dat! i'm not one 2 give ppl shit ab stuff like this in person or rly like discourse ab this very often

i also see wat ya mean w the transition thing, but i don't think that's necessarily 'the only way', ya can focus on the transition part of the headcanon regardless of canon gender (unless im missin smth in yr words?); i guess with [canon X -> trans X] it has 2 b more of a conscious choice 2 go back in time 2 explore it, whereas with [canon X -> trans Y] it's kind of the startin point, yr gettin rite into it? i understan how dats more compellin 2 ppl, especially if they r in (pre-) transition still <3 i do think it's really up 2 ppls preference at the end of the day! it's nawt some huge political difference, just the way ppl play w the characters n narratives

[rp-partnerfinder]

☢ crawl out through the Fallout

back to me... ☢

heyyyyyy fellas; since the show and the new FO4 PS5 upgrade, I am back on my Fallout bender hardcore and dusting off an old OC. :') though I've been primarily grinding 4 and watching the show, I'm also super open to 3 and NV verses! sooooo, for the important info;

I'm looking for M x M ships and primarily CC x OC against my BOS deserter Dude. I have a (WIP) bio available for him, but for the basics;

North is an asian-caucascian, kind of a black cat type of guy. he once fled the Capital Wasteland to escape his military family and the iron fist of BOS and now, well... wanders about, kind of living sort of a very druid-y lifestyle. a bit of a loner who pretends to care less than he does and prefers the company of local cats to people. although he's a loner he's also very keen and protective of the people he cares for, and getting on his good side is annoyingly easy (at least, if you ask him). leans dominant, switch with a preference for topping and domming even from the bottom, gay.

preferred romantic prospects: MacCready, Charon, Deacon, Raul, Arcade Gannon, Maximus, The Ghoul; very possibly others. super particular to ghouls, Railroaders + other BOS deserters. ESPECIALLY interested in writing him against Maximus ATM, the dynamic between an old BOS deserter x Maximus could just be!!! Chef's Kiss 🤌🏻

about me: I'm 32, trans guy, residing in Europe. 15+ years of writing experience and I come equipped with samples. I prefer to write over discord, in our shared little haven of a server. open to tupperbox though I don't require it! I typically write multiple paragraphs; I don't think it's possible to even get a reply under two paragraphs minimum out of me. third person prose, past tense preferred. good grammar is a must, though I'm naturally forgiving of small mistakes. normally I reply daily, though depending on how life is (as you do) results may vary and I'll try to keep you updated. hoping for something similar! I'm super open to AUs, crossovers, different timelines, multiple threads and so on! my absolute favorite thing to write is romance with plot, with some smut tossed in. I prefer my porn with plot and prefer complex settings and relationship to sexuality rather than just mindless, emotionless humping. some pain, some fluff, some terrible angst and passionate love. a nice, healthy balance of things with love perservering through the challenges. like mentioned, I'm open to smut as well as dead dove topics; we can discuss triggers and limits in dms! not interested in toxic ships or looking to double.

finally, I hope you're a minimum of 25 years old. if you made it all the way to the bottom and remain interested, great! drop this post a like and I will surely find you, or feel free to DM me directly! no worries about committing before you even know how I operate; my blog has links that will tell you everything I know and, upon first message, I will drop all the important info your way anyway so you may simply ghost me if it's not your thing.

look forward to hearing from you!!

.

[hailmaryfullofgrace55675]

imo "spend less time in trans spaces" is only a temporarily solution and it would be most beneficial to everyone if people who experience dysphoria from being around other trans people learned better coping mechanisms. cause like... seems kind of isolating otherwise? and in the same vein romance-repulsed people are better off learning to deal with it, especially cause they're very likely to see PDA between strangers in their day to day lives. like they don't have to do shit if they don't want to, but getting into internet slap fights isn't the way either lol.

Oh yeah for sure. “Confide in and process with friends” and “practice distress tolerance” were both meant to gesture at like, finding ways to cope with “I saw someone whose body is like mine or not like mine and I feel baaaaaaaad” when spending time in trans spaces. For a lot of people I think “meet transition goals” is necessary and/or sufficient - I don’t know that I would say this was dysphoria exactly, but when I was getting read as queer woman/woman aligned/nonbinary-but-not-transgender more, I felt more of a preoccupation with people who identified as nonbinary and DID want to be read those ways, and felt like I needed to understand myself in differentiation from them. Growing a beard and getting read those ways less made me care less what those people are up to. And I stopped seeing so many annoying fucking posts from them, so you know - common disengagement W.

I think for people whose dysphoria is triggered by seeing X, Y, or Z kind(s) of trans person there are often other kinds of trans people they’re more comfortable being in community with. Sometimes the trans people they’re more comfortable with are terrible for them, sometimes they’re enough community to help them get to a more self-realized and comfortable place.

Ultimately it’s definitely ideal to get to a point where you just don’t feel like shit when you see other trans people! In the interim I think short (e.g. “no more instagram today”) to medium (e.g. “no choir this year”) term disengagement is an important tool to at least know to consider when one can neither bear the discomfort nor make a change in one’s feeling-upon-seeing.

I think aromantic people who find romance aversive to witness are more likely (than trans people who get dysphoric around other trans people) to hypothetically be fine if they can just avoid the thing they dislike - getting dysphoric around other trans people basically only exists as a symptom of other miseries and makes it more difficult to address those miseries, whereas I think aromantic people can find witnessing romance aversive even if their lives are otherwise fine. But they’re also less likely to be able to avoid the thing - a large percentage of the population is in romantic relationships, most fiction takes place in worlds where this is also the case, and this is not considered a sensitive topic basically anywhere so it is not avoided or warned for.

Speculation zone: I think some “romance repulsion” is dispositional and unlikely to shift and basically the only things to do about it are practice distress tolerance and limit exposure. And some “romance repulsion” is situational and in response to social pressure around relationships and/or part of aromantic identity formation.

I think a lot of people who’ve been pressured around relationships become mildly triggered by this or that romance thing because they see (kissing, weddings, someone saying they have to go home for date night) and think “that is or reminds me of something I’ve been pressured to do by individuals or by society that I don’t want to do and that makes me feel bad”. Similarly, a lot of gender dysphoria is related to the pressure of gender assignment and all the coercive structures of cisnormativity. Well, everything but the most base physical the-blueprint-is-wrong stuff is related to living in the system, but I mean some of it is really visibly, traceably traumagenic.

I think a lot of people go through a phase in aromantic identity formation where they’re looking for feelings they have that affirm that they’re super aromantic for real and negative responses to romance can feel positively reassuring to focus on. IME a lot of trans people go through similar phases where feeling dysphoria is kind of gender affirming/affirming of transness so they focus on it when it happens, blow it up a bit in their minds, and sometimes even develop new aversions. I know when I was figuring stuff out as a teenager there were times when I dwelled on twinges and contemplated possible aversions. Honestly, I think this can be part of a necessary process of figuring out what one is actually averse to or dysphoric about. There are errors in both directions - stuff you think is important that you later realize you were kind of only caring about because you thought you should and stuff you continue staring past without seeing because you don’t understand or can’t deal with it yet. But that’s inevitable with self exploration, nobody nails every aspect of their desires down perfect on the first try.

And a lot of people understandably experience being surrounded by talk of romance and people in romantic relationships as an isolating and alienating reminder of a marginalized difference.

Anyway, for both dysphoria and romance repulsion I think there are for sure some things that it benefits and behooves people to sit down and just think through and talk out and desensitize themselves to until they can go to the LGBT center without feeling like they’re being attacked or making a bad post online about how out queer lives hurt their feelings. But/and for a lot of these triggers it is necessary and/or sufficient to become more secure in oneself and lead a happier and more realized life.

[luwritesomething]

RULES!! & OPERATING SYSTEM

Last updated: 27/03/23

Now that I'm back into writing again and receiving requests and all, I think it's fair for me to state what I'm willing to write and what I'm not, with a well constructed list of that plus the way I answer requests. But of course, if you're still unsure about what I may be able to write or not, feel free to ask me in the comments or in my inbox <3

RULES:

All the requests must be done via inbox. That means, you must request in the box in my profile that says "request or come say hi !!". Requests submitted through the comments in my posts or private messages won't be answered, mostly because I'm unable to keep track of the requests being in different places.

I have the right not to answer or write your request, especially if it doesn't fit my do's or dont's. I get writers block a lot, and I easily get unmotivated.

I only write for the characters and fandoms I've stated I write. No matter how detailed your request is, I won't do it if it's not in the list.

If your request isn't nice or it gives me the vibe that you're being rude, I'll probably not answer it. I'm a person too.

Now, what I write and what I don't.

WHAT I WRITE: (do's)

Reader insert (it's literally what i do. i'm trying not to use 'y/n' as much, but it's from a reader insert kind of way)

Gender neutral / unstated gender and pronouns reader.

Reader with no specific body appearance.

Platonic relationships (just specify!!).

Teen reader.

Racially ambiguous reader / No ethnicity stated. (unless stated otherwise)

Polyamorous relationships

Character x Character (it varies a lot bc of the fandom and the characters)

Making out or very lightly suggestive themes (i'm seventeen years old, and i'm also asexual. smut is a no no)

Mental illnesses / Disorders (it varies. i tend to write about the ones i've experienced)

Headcanons

Fics (short and long, with one 'chapter' or more)

Alternative Universes

Dialogue prompts

Angst

Fluff

Queer relationships (i'm queer myself YEEHAW)

WHAT I DON'T WRITE: (dont's)

NSFW or 18+ content.

Mental illnesses / Disorders I'm not familiar with.

Explicit experiences of a trans reader (i am not trans and i don't want to give false experiences that can be based around shady research)

Incest

Major Self-Harm episodes (as someone who has struggled with self-harm for years, i do not feel comfortable making those writings too explicit, although i could)

Pedophilia (creepy)

Non con/Dub (again, this is sex, and in sex consent is very much needed. so, no no)

Actors / Actresses (i only write for characters. the only real people i've written for are kpop idols, and always fluff, never creepy)

Characters not in my list. (i'm very strict on this, even if i like the character. if it's not in my list, that can be found here, i won't write for them)

OPERATING SYSTEM: (how i get the requests out)

Mostly i get them done chronologically, BUT --- there are priorities.

The first one is the level of detail. If your request has given me a clear idea of what you want by examples, describing reader's personality, the scenario, giving me dialogue prompts (i LOVE dialogue prompts); these requests will be getting done BEFORE the ones that only say 'reader thischaracter jealous/fluff/angst'. I know sometimes you just want more content, but part of the reason why I do requests it's because you give me your ideas, so if there is a lack of that, i will probably leave the weaker requests for the end, because it's harder to come up with them.

The other priority is the character. If for example I've been getting and doing a lot of requests for CHARACTER A, I will start prioritazing those for CHARACTER B and CHARACTER C before continuing with CHARACTER A. I get unmotivated, tired and bored easily, and I do this for the sake of my readers (and mine).

It also depends a bit on my mood, to be honest. If someone requests headcanons, or if I plan on writing headcanons for something, those will probably get out sooner since I find them easier to write. I try to be fair, though!!

That would be all for now. Check the updated date to keep track with my changes !! <3 Here's my masterlist.

[cardentist]

I don't wanna bury my thread with more context here [Link] But

I get what you're saying, but Personally I think we've gotta start pointing out that people in the queer community can absolutely be bigots.

I feel like part of the Reason why people get away with acting so nasty to other queer people is because we mince words and don't call it what it is.

biphobic gay people are bigots, a gay person's bigotry isn't softened because they're gay. and the same is true about any and all bigotry coming from inside the house.

moreover, this just ain't true. exclusionists in the queer community treat ""straight passing"" as a mark against m-spec people and use it to justify harassing and othering bi and pan people.

m-spec people, a-spec people, trans people (of all kinds, Especially from within trans spaces), lesbians, gay men, intersex people, polyamorous people, and more, they're ALL treated like the enemy by other queer people. they're ALL hurt by pretending that they somehow have it better, that they're Essentially not even oppressed by comparison anyways.

and the way it happens Repeats every single time. every argument, every talking point. they cycle through with different victims Constantly.

All Exclusionism Is The Same. everyone who gets shit on by other queer people gets treated the exact same. and if we're ever gonna fix that then half of the fight is not assuming that other people Don't share experiences. there's no "this happens to X group but not Y," it happens to all of us.

I'm certain the person who wrote these tags didn't mean anything by it, but we Have to think about how we talk about and frame stuff like this

the way some of you see multi-gender people as half cis the same way bigots see bi and pan people as half straight

[tallysgreatestfan]

What does this mean for fandom?

Fandom isn't activism, and fandom didn't exactly influence the election, but fandom is where a lot of marginalized people (not just from the US) go to get a break from reality, process their experience, and connect with other people, so I thought it would be helpful to think about how this will influence fandom and small things you can do to try to make fandom at least somewhat safe for queer people, disabled people and POC.

First of all: Tagging. At best all characters, ships and tropes (never know when someone has a weird traumatic connection to a ship that makes them seriously uncomfortable when it comes up, which is okay as long as they don't harass anyone over it) triggers and relations to real live events. But if that is too much, at least triggers and real live events. So you don't have to change anything about what you blog and reblog, but people can filter out if needed.

Second: Make yourself familiar with T/ERF rhetoric. Yes, their transphobia is horrific, but this is far from the only minority they target. They are not as open about it, but for example I as a bisexual gnc autistic woman was targeted by them before for not fitting into their ideal of a woman.

If someone spreads any of these ideologies, even if they claim to not be a T/ERF, stop giving them a platform. If you have the energy, maybe try to explain why this is harmful, but if they don't listen... Especially if you are a lesbian. Not because there is anything inherently bigoted about lesbians, but because you are the only queer identity that isn't seen as subhuman traitors by them and so the primary target of their indoctrination.

They were of course not the main cause for the Republicans winning, even if with their overblown focus on trans people and the way they tend to funnel formerly leftish women into the alt-right they definitely contributed. They use fandom to make people susceptible for their ideology, and so, by extend, alt-right ideology. But, more than that, they love to use fandom spaces to recruit and spread their ideology. Of course biphobia, transphobia, aphobia, ableism and especially rascism do exist in fandom even outside of them - but they contribute a huge deal to all of these issues and try to abuse everybody out of fandom who isn't a cis white abled neurotypical gender-conforming lesbian (all while trying to veneer their bigotry by using the small number of other minority people they managed to recruit as "proof" that they actually aren't bigoted).

Again, in the great scope of things not that big of a problem, but on fandom hosting social media like tumblr... a huge problem.

Related: Learn what fandom puritanism is and why it is harmful. Intersects a lot with T/ERF ideology, and like them is used to "ease up" progressive people in fandom to fundamentalist christian and alt-right ideas.

Last thing: Sadly I don't think this is something that can be avoided, but if you know it will happen you can at least think about strategies that would help you deal with it: Panicked, powerless people tend to react aggressive and lash out at people who are just as powerless as them instead of the people in power who actually caused this (because if they could do the latter, they would not be in this situation). That is understandable, even if it is not pretty or morally just.

Last Trump presidency, I distinctly noticed how people in fandom became even more aggressive and even more willing to accuse other minority people of being bigots of all kinds or pedophiles or whatever. Expect fandoms to become even more heated than now, and plan what you will do if that happens. Both in fandom stuff (XY mutual has my back, if fandom X gets to awful I'll move to Y, etc) and mental health stuff (going for a walk, guided meditation, pre-prepared sentences to read when you feel like you are truly immoral and fundamentally broken just for liking X character, etc).

Branching out is important (different platforms, different fandoms), and connecting with other fans you trust too.

I wish you all the best

[roleplayfinder]

☢ crawl out through the Fallout

back to me... ☢

heyyyyyy fellas; since the show and the new FO4 PS5 upgrade, I am back on my Fallout bender hardcore and dusting off an old OC. :') though I've been primarily grinding 4 and watching the show, I'm also super open to 3 and NV verses! sooooo, for the important info;

I'm looking for M x M ships and primarily CC x OC against my BOS deserter Dude. I have a (WIP) bio available for him, but for the basics;

North is an asian-caucascian, kind of a black cat type of guy. he once fled the Capital Wasteland to escape his military family and the iron fist of BOS and now, well... wanders about, kind of living sort of a very druid-y lifestyle. a bit of a loner who pretends to care less than he does and prefers the company of local cats to people. although he's a loner he's also very keen and protective of the people he cares for, and getting on his good side is annoyingly easy (at least, if you ask him). leans dominant, switch with a preference for topping and domming even from the bottom, gay.

preferred romantic prospects: MacCready, Charon, Deacon, Raul, Arcade Gannon, Maximus, The Ghoul; very possibly others. super particular to ghouls, Railroaders + other BOS deserters. ESPECIALLY interested in writing him against Maximus ATM, the dynamic between an old BOS deserter x Maximus could just be!!! Chef's Kiss

about me: I'm 32, trans guy, residing in Europe. 15+ years of writing experience and I come equipped with samples. I prefer to write over discord, in our shared little haven of a server. open to tupperbox though I don't require it! I typically write multiple paragraphs; I don't think it's possible to even get a reply under two paragraphs minimum out of me. third person prose, past tense preferred. good grammar is a must, though I'm naturally forgiving of small mistakes. normally I reply daily, though depending on how life is (as you do) results may vary and I'll try to keep you updated. hoping for something similar! I'm super open to AUs, crossovers, different timelines, multiple threads and so on! my absolute favorite thing to write is romance with plot, with some smut tossed in. I prefer my porn with plot and prefer complex settings and relationship to sexuality rather than just mindless, emotionless humping. some pain, some fluff, some terrible angst and passionate love. a nice, healthy balance of things with love perservering through the challenges. like mentioned, I'm open to smut as well as dead dove topics; we can discuss triggers and limits in dms! not interested in toxic ships or looking to double.

finally, I hope you're a minimum of 25 years old. if you made it all the way to the bottom and remain interested, great! drop this post a like and I will surely find you, or feel free to DM me directly! no worries about committing before you even know how I operate; my blog has links that will tell you everything I know and, upon first message, I will drop all the important info your way anyway so you may simply ghost me if it's not your thing.

look forward to hearing from you!!

.

[findroleplay]

☢ crawl out through the Fallout

back to me... ☢

heyyyyyy fellas; since the show and the new FO4 PS5 upgrade, I am back on my Fallout bender hardcore and dusting off an old OC. :') though I've been primarily grinding 4 and watching the show, I'm also super open to 3 and NV verses! sooooo, for the important info;

I'm looking for M x M ships and primarily CC x OC against my BOS deserter Dude. I have a (WIP) bio available for him, but for the basics;

North is an asian-caucascian, kind of a black cat type of guy. he once fled the Capital Wasteland to escape his military family and the iron fist of BOS and now, well... wanders about, kind of living sort of a very druid-y lifestyle. a bit of a loner who pretends to care less than he does and prefers the company of local cats to people. although he's a loner he's also very keen and protective of the people he cares for, and getting on his good side is annoyingly easy (at least, if you ask him). leans dominant, switch with a preference for topping and domming even from the bottom, gay.

preferred romantic prospects: MacCready, Charon, Deacon, Raul, Arcade Gannon, Maximus, The Ghoul; very possibly others. super particular to ghouls, Railroaders + other BOS deserters. ESPECIALLY interested in writing him against Maximus ATM, the dynamic between an old BOS deserter x Maximus could just be!!! Chef's Kiss 🤌🏻

about me: I'm 32, trans guy, residing in Europe. 15+ years of writing experience and I come equipped with samples. I prefer to write over discord, in our shared little haven of a server. open to tupperbox though I don't require it! I typically write multiple paragraphs; I don't think it's possible to even get a reply under two paragraphs minimum out of me. third person prose, past tense preferred. good grammar is a must, though I'm naturally forgiving of small mistakes. normally I reply daily, though depending on how life is (as you do) results may vary and I'll try to keep you updated. hoping for something similar! I'm super open to AUs, crossovers, different timelines, multiple threads and so on! my absolute favorite thing to write is romance with plot, with some smut tossed in. I prefer my porn with plot and prefer complex settings and relationship to sexuality rather than just mindless, emotionless humping. some pain, some fluff, some terrible angst and passionate love. a nice, healthy balance of things with love perservering through the challenges. like mentioned, I'm open to smut as well as dead dove topics; we can discuss triggers and limits in dms! not interested in toxic ships or looking to double.

finally, I hope you're a minimum of 25 years old. if you made it all the way to the bottom and remain interested, great! drop this post a like and I will surely find you, or feel free to DM me directly! no worries about committing before you even know how I operate; my blog has links that will tell you everything I know and, upon first message, I will drop all the important info your way anyway so you may simply ghost me if it's not your thing.

look forward to hearing from you!!

-

[lexidius]

OP Anon of the "is there a term for transmisandry affected people" here. Looks like my ask sparked a lot of The Discourse, so I want to clarify some things.

First off: Please don't send hate mail to OP for this? (Not implying this is what the above anon was doing, btw, but just don't send hate to certifiedsexed for this?)

And please, PLEASE do not conflate the actions of misogynists and MRAs with the experiences of trans men who are simply trying to find an appropriate language to describe their experiences, much like how transwomen and TMAs have their own language. In addition, I was also not trying to state that one is more oppressed than the other - simply asking if there was a term that's used (which I genuinely do appreciate that you chose to answer my original ask and bring the issue of MRAs using certain language to light).

I was not aware that my existence as a transmasculine person who receives hate and oppression for having a masculine identity and wanting to have a term like "transmisandry" or even just "misandry" for that matter makes me a "fascist", "male equivalent of a terf" or whatever it is that this Discourse spiralled off into. This is not my intent by having used these terms, and as far as I have been aware by looking at spaces like the transandrophobia tag, I was under the impression that the other transmascs and male-identifying gnc people in these tags were just trying to find a space to talk about our experiences with a) toxic masculinity dictating how we are expected by society to express our male identities in order to pass as male b) the frustrations of being misgendered as "butch lesbians" or "cute twinky transboys" when we don't meet the expectations of toxic masculinity c) the frustrations of being called trans boys rather than trans men and the feelings of infantilization that come with androgynous and gnc expressions of masculinity being sexualized.

Yes, I do believe men (cis or not) can be targets of hate. Anyone can be a target of hate, for any reason. Hate is not a secular thing limited to one marginalized group. Of course, though, I do not believe the majority of men to be more oppressed than marginalized groups, including marginalized women. It's not a competition to claim if X is more oppressed than Y or Z. That kind of language and discourse just causes more infighting and I feel it becomes counterproductive towards the larger goal of combating universal hate

That being said... I also do not appreciate the idea that male-identifying people (be they cis, trans, intersex or otherwise gnc with their masculinity) are somehow trying to imply that their experiences are more important than those of women. Asking what language is appropriate or not, in good faith, does not warrant a response of "your experiences under the label you have been using (for lack of knowing other labels) makes you a fascist/misogynist/other dogwhistle term)". "Transmisandry", "transphobia targeting transmasculinity", whatever you want to call it, it doesn't come from a place of trying to put women - including trans women - down, nor do I believe that people calling themselves "oppressed for my masculinity as a transmasculine person" want anything to do with the misogynistic and transmisogynistic areas of masculinity-affirming activism or MRAs, incels etc. Speaking personally as a masculine-identifying person, especially one who embraces my masculinity? Fuck misogyny, fuck transmisogynists, fuck terfs and fuck anyone who tries to argue that women don't face oppression. So Do NOT lump trans men talking about their experiences - and wanting appropriate language to talk about their experiences - in with the people who think all women should be subservient to men or that women belong in the kitchen making meals for the family of blue eyed blonde, trump-voting conservative tradwife children. That is NOT the kind of masculinity that I as a transman want to embody, and me as a transman wanting to explore language that expresses my frustrations with transphobia and transandrophobia does NOT mean I condone or endorse the bigoted language around the "these nasty-ass feminist sjws are being misandrist to my fragile male ego" types of anti-feminist. Being for gender equality among women AND men, as a trans man, does NOT mean I want to pit any one gender - or lack thereof - as better or worse than another gender.

All I wanted to confirm and get clarification on in my original anon ask was "Is Transandrophia Affected/Transmisandry Affected a term like Transmisogny Affected is, and is there a community or a tag or something for transmasculine people to talk specifically about their experiences of feeling targeted for expressing their masculinity in ways that society feels transphobic about"? I'm just a neurodivergent nonbinary transmasc with autism who wanted some clarification on which labels people are using and how. That's... literally it?

I wasn't trying to bring in any discussion about racism or ethnicity or POC language or anything of that nature, either. I was talking specifically about wanting to find a space for trans men to talk about any difficulties faced when discussing the challenges of being transmasculine.

So can we all, transmasc, transfemme, gnc, anons, mods, etc. just PLEASE try to take the pot off the stove and simmer down a bit without pointing fingers, getting heated at each other or otherwise pissing on the poor? I genuinely, sincerely apologize if my original ask ruffled any feathers or caused anyone any distress. This was NOT the intent of my ask.

Thank you for understanding.

Hi, sorry if I'm missing something, but re: "misandry isn't a thing" - are you talking about cis men or trans men? Like, is this an incel talking points issue, or a "transmisandry isn't real because trans men have male privilege" thing? Because I really respect the work you're doing but I'm gonna have to unfollow if you're saying that trans men can't discuss their unique oppression.

Hi! I did absolutely say and mean that misandry is not real but that doesn't mean trans men aren't oppressed. They absolutely are, I was just talking about the history of the term misandry and how it works when discussing oppression.

There are many, many different ways men can be marginalized, I even mentioned that in my post. [Like race, disability, class, etc] That includes trans men!

I also never said trans men can't discuss how they're oppressed, so I'm not sure where you're getting that but you're always free to unfollow if you want.

Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions. <3