#or ‘trans people ESPECIALLY x kind of trans people experience y’

[sinistersuns]

i think we gotta be more careful about falling into the trap of placing heaps of blame on the most vulnerable groups around us because it’s easier, emotionally or otherwise, than going after those in power. like i mostly talk about transandrophobia right now and how transmascs get so much shit thrown at us because were easier to attack than cis people, and i’ve seen people do the same thing to transfems and NBs too. to me it’s extra disappointing when it’s someone who is vocally supportive of transmascs doing it (like generalizing all transfems as being hostile to transmascs/being transandrophobic). it’s of course important to talk about inter community issues and point out harmful behaviors and ideologies when we see them, and talk about how someone’s life experience might lead them to be that way, but singling out one type of trans person as The Culprit is not helpful and just feels like it further drives a wedge into our community. we may be able to perpetuate aspects of the transphobic systems cis people put in place, but none of us are responsible for them and we don’t benefit from them, past surface level “acceptance” from people who’d be more comfortable if one type of trans person or all of us didn’t exist at all

[puppiekit]

I think the funniest thing ever to me is seeing people on tumblr preach "transandrophobia bad" but then you look at the transandrophobia tag and its basically just "transmascs are not cis, do not have cis privileges, and still face oppression / societal discrimination" and "I have personally faced (X) and (Y) issue because of my tansmasc identity"

.... Aka literally no different from any other minority on planet earth talking about their issues.

But for some reason people on tumblr want to tell you acknowledging this issue specifically, and putting a name to it, is not only bad (because for some reason acknowledging that transmascs have issues = claiming cis men are oppressed...? Because idk people feel the need to make shit up);

but actively harmful to transfems (And I'm going to be blunt here: acting like transfems are the only ones who have problems, or are the only ones allowed to talk about their problems, is so incredibly horrible it's actually insane. And quiet frankly very infantilizing).

To be quiet frank it only boils down to the communities continuous hatred for masculinity. Nobody wants to admit the fact that their community will never be a truly safe space before they stop labeling people "good" or "bad" dependent on who they are or how they chose to identify. It's harmful when cis people do it, and it's equally as harmful when queers do it.

And don't even get me started on the fact that a large part of this pointless beef is rooted in the communities refusal to acknowledge intersectionality (aka a bunch of white people unable to grasp the fact that they are not the default and peoples race can play a part in their gender, how it is perceived, and how it effects their oppression... Including masculinity).

I know this is going to piss a bunch of people off but to be entirely honest I was raised a woman for 18+ years, and I still socially pass for a woman NOW, and the shit I get in my day to day life does not even compare to the amount of hostility I face FROM MY OWN COMMUNITY as a transmasc.

At least a random person on the street will be blatant about their hatred for me, trans or not. The people in this community will instead manipulate and gaslight and try to convince you their crap treatment towards transmascs is "a good thing" or "good allyship". No, hating others for identifying a way you don't like and and "betraying their womanhood" does not make you a good ally to anybody, and especially transfems -- in fact, I'd say you're kind of throwing them under the bus by using them as an excuse to be a terrible person.

Whatever... Ignore my rant... I'm tired of people being terrible to eachother. And also it super pissed me off as a POC to see people compare talking about the problems transmascs face to "what if white people claimed they were being discriminated against for being white?!?!?!" as if that is anywhere near the same..... Like are you a legitimate dumbass or what? Why the hell do you people always use POC and their experiences as leverage against others.

How are you going to compare a TRANS person talking about their unique experiences with TRANSPHOBIA to a person at a societal advantage falsely claiming to be oppressed??? POC are only worth considering when you can use our issues to your benefit I guess

WHATEVER.....

[theangryman]

kink as religion/spirituality

it’s a little gauche to say something is “like a cult” - it’s overused as an expression

but a large problem i have with kink/bdsm subculture is the commonalities with religion, the spiritual aspects

when you think of precedents for “consensual” ritualized harm and self harm, they are religious (several groups have traditions of undergoing full on crucifixions for Easter, there’s similar rites for some Shia Muslims for Ashura - which is today I believe)

the desire for progression as some sort of internal challenge - there’s always a desire and encouragement to expand one’s limits

it’s driven by the same desire for a transcendent experience

the communities’ members have strange persecution complexes, gaslighting victims of abuse, especially when by higher ranking members

the focus on hierarchy (leather culture had formalized rules - serve in a house, train as submissive - tortured gay men wanting to punish themselves - maybe can read a form a Catholicism into this; modern kink culture is like modern Protestantism in that any sufficiently well groomed upper middle class man can claim to have the unique skills to be a good pastor/“dom” and open up a church/dungeon)

the repulsion towards former members/critiques of systemic issues present (expression anti kink opinions has gotten me the same kind of hateful response from other trans men that being a trans man did in the 2010s online - to the point where gendering people correctly appears to be optional for folks who are anti kink? the double whammy of being accused of being a TERF and than insulted with “girl” is always a fucking whiplash - can you not use the term “TERF” to mean “anyone i don’t like,” y’all look like fucking morons)

maybe many of these things can be applied to things like multi level marketing or any other extremely large organizational idea that people subsume their identity into, but the aspect of seeking “ecstasy” adds a hellish intensity to the mix

and like losing one’s religion, it’s difficult to leave. it’s difficult to part with the thought parties the beliefs. it’s difficult to justify to outsiders. (i agreed to let him do X but he did Y - the specifics don’t matter but it’s going to happen to you)

it creates mind bending cognitive dissonance - only puritanical criticisms of kink can be addressed. no matter what critique of kink you make, the response is

men are submissive too! (go actually look at femdom porn/hentai lol and see what they want or make a troll fet dom-F account if you don’t believe me + most submissive men are trans men with self esteem issues - the type who have boyfriends that refer to them as their girlfriend to their family; the religious analog would be something about complementary gender roles perhaps)

it’s all about consent! (what do we say about consent in power dynamics? now this is a subtle point, which is made impossible to address because it is such a fundamental threat to heterosexuality itself, that Dworkin tried to make and was glossed into “all sex is rape” because it is such a threat - what do we say to the idea of consent when we are fundamentally unequal human beings by nature of assigned sex of birth? who makes more money? who can overpower? i think most have gotten the picture that what Thomas Jefferson did to Sally Hemings was unambiguously rape, but what about all of the women throughout history when marital rape was considered the norm? it requires acknowledging that your great grandpa probably raped your great grandma, or up and down that line for thousands of generations - maybe if you acknowledge up front that gooners are going to want you to agree to humiliating and disgusting sex acts up front - that agreeing to have mutual fun with a stranger means rolling the dice on physical assault - maybe if you agree up front and pretend you can set some kinds of rules it’ll work out; similarly, religion is the comfort that life isn’t pointless suffering and maybe we’ll get to see our dog and grandma again if you follow these rules)

you can’t project your trauma onto the community/bad people aren’t doing really kink (i have a fairly large sampling size of kink partners and experiences personally. i genuinely don’t believe my arguments can be dialed down to “i had personal trauma in kink thus all kink is bad” unless one is taking my words at bad faith. this very much reeks of accusing atheists of hating god because of trauma or not getting what they want.)

you don’t actually believe that/you’re lying/you want it (these are obvious comparisons to religion)

these feel like the same kinds of responses i see to ex Mormons/Jehovah’s Witnesses/etc online

modern kink is similar to modern Protestantism in that it facilitates the creation of micro cults. institutionalization of kink is structured such that critique can be deflected onto individual actors. i’d argue Reddit is a major source of kink “education” - and no one can deny that subreddits can have concerning moderators. You have Fetlife, which is primarily heterosexual, male dom/female sub pornography. You have a couple of Booktok tier pop psych books which encourage Bronze Age marriage models. This maps to the diffuse ways in which American Protestantism propagates its ideas - it’s a nebulous mess of ideas that can evaporate when asked to take responsibility. We can’t hold all Christians accountable for Mark Driscoll’s ideas; we can’t hold all kinksters responsible for the actions of [insert the creeps who message you if you take up my suggestion of a troll fetlife account]. But can we not ask what it says about American Protestantism that Mark Driscoll exists and says what he says? And can we not look askew when what he said could be happily echoed by a kinkster as long as it was prefixed with “it’s kinky and consensual btw <3” and had been posted on fetlife anonymously - instead of his own church forum?

Kink is reactionary ideology which has parasitized societal acceptance of queer folks to justify the abusive dynamics of heterosexual relationships and sex, which has replaced religion as the justification for that dynamic.

[amageish]

So, I've now done the Marvel Move Pride run! Here's my spoiler-light thoughts/impressions...

Marvel Move, art by Luciano Vecchio.

I really enjoyed it~! It wasn't quite what I had been expecting, but it was a very fun take on a mutant-themed Pride story.

Instead of focusing on the protagonist of the previous X-Men runs, this story puts us in the running shoes of Producer, a new mutant who both produces social media content with Carmen Cruz and tentacles using their mutant gift. Producer is a silent protagonist, as is to be expected, but I enjoyed their vibe - they had some fun moments of tentacle self-expression. It's also just funny to me how varied the Move protagonists have been thus far - from relatively-average humans to tentacled mutants...

I liked the angles taken with all the lead characters! Carmen was a fun host, Bobby was appropriately joke-y with a hint of (intentional) cringiness, Cam Long was as stoic as to be expected, Jumbo was a very fun queer elder type of character, and Escapade was the right balance between adorably dorky and somewhat exasperated. Carmen discussing the appeal of making clothing by hand and the value in learning that practical skill instead of just relying on her mutant gift was a very interesting character choice too - love that for her and love indirect the commentary on continuing to make art by hand and not just relying on modern technology...

The villains were very well-done and the main speaking villain's actor killed it. This work-out app story is maaaaaaybe the most unambiguous and explicit use of mutant metaphor as a trans allegory I've seen in an official Disney product? Which is kind of impressive when I think a lot of the mutantphobia of ORCHIS and especially the Coven Akkaba drew from modern anti-trans rhetoric in the comics, but they REALLY leaned into it with the Friends of Humanity's portrayal here.

That said, it does also take a more intersectional approach to mutanthood as well, with the experiences of Bobby as a gay cis male mutant obviously being different from Shela as a sapphic trans female mutant, etc, etc. It was a good balance that made sure Pride story wasn't just pure mutant metaphor content...

So yeah! Good time overall. I wasn't expecting this run, but I'm glad to have gotten it.

(Also if this post ends up in the feeds of a bunch of Marvel Move people like my last one... Hello!!! Keep up the good work.)

[kienansidhe]

Saw your tags on a post and wanted to mention that trans women having their bulge be seen as gross also isn't an exceptional experience. It's definitely more visible because they face hyper visibility, but bigots treat all trans people that way.

If you need a one to one many NBs who have a penis will have their bulge treated the exact same as trans women. For a different but comparable experience, people who pack have it treated as gross as well and it's assumed to be a sexual thing. Same thing with people who've had phalloplasty.

I've also seen cis gay guys treated that way too. It's "gross" and assumed predatory. Because the cisheteropatriarchy punishes any deviance from traditional masculinity and femininity, queer bodies are as a whole demonized and policed. And that means a lot of bulges are treated as inherently sexual, threatening, and gross by mainstream society.

You kind of ended up doing the exact thing the post was warning against, where you assumed X doesn't happen to Y group of people, and only Z group of people experiences that. It's something that's easy to do but I hope you'll be able to expand your knowledge of the topic with this and also consider future things more broadly. There are definitely a few experiences one group will have different than another, but there's also a lot more overlap than people think. And there are very few experiences that literally only one group has, even if the exact way people experience it might differ some.

thank you for your thoughts! i inhabit a transmasc body that has chosen to only partially transition, and i struggle a lot with moral ocd, so on this site where there r a lot of loud ppl saying that trans women / transfems have it the worst of anyone, while other people say that different trans ppls struggles are different but not better or worse, while trolls and bullies muddy the conversation constantly, i really have trouble figuring out whats what.

i kinda default to deferring to trans womens voices because i dont know what its like to be transfem, but like, of course different transfems say different things and not all can be right at the same time, so its very confusing! im very afraid of erring on the side of dismissing transmisogyny, i guess? and theres so many ppl on this site who jump at the chance to call any statement transmisogynistic that i am maybe putting 'ofc trans women have it worse' disclaimers in too many places? (this is NOT trans womens fault, i see this from every demographic and often most viciously from other transmascs.) like. not gonna lie, im very scared of people on social media lol.

im sorry if ive made people feel invalidated by the way i talk abt this stuff, especially since i feel invalidated a lot when ppl call transmascs transmisogynistic for talking abt transandrophobia/transmisandry? maybe i need to just stop commenting and listen more until i can comment more confidently and with less fear. i dont know? im open to input!

[edit: heres the post and my tags that anon is referring to]

[tea-and-charcoal]

I knew that the denial of reproductive knowledge to people who can get pregnant is bad, but I didn't realize quite *how* bad it was until I started having complications with my own pregnancy and started asking questions. You are denied knowledge at every turn as soon as you try to get beyond the surface "here's what most people experience." I had several times where I was given contradictory advice from the same people in regards to "Expect X." / "But y happened." / "Oh that happens all the time. It's perfectly normal."

"Don't worry about it." "Well, no way to know." "Everyone is different, don't mind why." "[Repeats information you explicitly told them you know to sidestep the pointed question you asked]" It happens at every turn. They won't give odds in their prognoses, won't explain why guidelines are the way they are, just a lot of what boils down to "You don't get to know. Go back to being an incurious vessel and do what I say like a good little girl."

I've had this from multiple doctors, forums, I even had to pull out all the search engine tricks to find out what average non-pregnant hcg levels are (<1, by the way until you get near menopause. Still no luck finding out why the cutoff in labs is 4, though, or why once you get <10 the half-life falls off a cliff. Just a lot of "very helpful" people telling me anything less than 4 is not pregnant so I shouldn't worry about it.) All that information is only for the initiated to know, not for the people it affects.

I have no idea how we fix this. The repression reproductive knowledge based on the mistrust of women and anyone authorities are happy to pretend are women is dire. I'm in reproductive justice circles. I have a science education and can read medical articles fluently. *I* can't even find the answers to these questions, and this enforced ignorance has a real tangible harm for anyone with a uterus, especially those of us that can get pregnant. I'm sure part of it also stems from the brand of sexism within the medical community that is more than happy to label something "a women's problem" and refuse to study it further.

(Among the other things I couldn't find: how likely hydrophic damage to villi in tissue after a surgical abortion is to point to a molar pregnancy, so I just had to sit with "well, your miscarriage might have given you cancer, so don't have sex in case we have to give you chemo" for two weeks until the lab results came back and I was told "whoopsie you're fine. Why were you worried? I explicitly told you not to worry." That's the kind of thing we're talking about).

Access to knowlege is a reproductive justice issue, and it's worse than almost anyone knows. As much as I support grassroots efforts (which is why I'm talking about my own complications), I don't think it's going to change until doctors get beyond thinking "Sit down, shut up, be a good little girl." Whenever a pregnant person walks into their office.

(Also, terfs, fuck off. Im a nonbinary trans man and don't you dare touch this post)

[gurorori]

I think headcanoning canonically male characters as trans women can allow you to explore identity beyond just switching the anatomy of canonically female characters. Like often when male chara gets headcanoned as transmasc people just slap scars on him and done. If you basically genderspaw a character you can focus on their experience with transition more I think

Unfortunately half of the time people go "long hair = woman" instead... I'm sorry hajime

oh 100%, undeniably there r great ways 2 explore both kinds of genderswaps/trans hcs... neither is superior or more correct over the other, but i do think it still helps 2 keep in mind it can, in *some* hands, turn somewat shallow...

immediately makin it abt enstars since dats wat we r mostly into: 2 me it still becomes mehhh when ppl will do eveyrthin in their power 2 transfemify like 3-4 specific characters who r the most aesthetically (as in, appearance n physical expression i guess) feminine while not really givin a shit abt the canonically trans woman (who is not quite the most 'traditionally feminine' image of woman herself tbh). <- m not very good at explainin things but i hope im clear. it's just interestin seein both the bias compared 2 canon rep AS WELL as the bias compared 2 like. the rest of the cast dats not shu hiyori etc

as always ppl r entitled 2 do as they wish w interpretations n all dat! i'm not one 2 give ppl shit ab stuff like this in person or rly like discourse ab this very often

i also see wat ya mean w the transition thing, but i don't think that's necessarily 'the only way', ya can focus on the transition part of the headcanon regardless of canon gender (unless im missin smth in yr words?); i guess with [canon X -> trans X] it has 2 b more of a conscious choice 2 go back in time 2 explore it, whereas with [canon X -> trans Y] it's kind of the startin point, yr gettin rite into it? i understan how dats more compellin 2 ppl, especially if they r in (pre-) transition still <3 i do think it's really up 2 ppls preference at the end of the day! it's nawt some huge political difference, just the way ppl play w the characters n narratives

[rp-partnerfinder]

☢ crawl out through the Fallout

back to me... ☢

heyyyyyy fellas; since the show and the new FO4 PS5 upgrade, I am back on my Fallout bender hardcore and dusting off an old OC. :') though I've been primarily grinding 4 and watching the show, I'm also super open to 3 and NV verses! sooooo, for the important info;

I'm looking for M x M ships and primarily CC x OC against my BOS deserter Dude. I have a (WIP) bio available for him, but for the basics;

North is an asian-caucascian, kind of a black cat type of guy. he once fled the Capital Wasteland to escape his military family and the iron fist of BOS and now, well... wanders about, kind of living sort of a very druid-y lifestyle. a bit of a loner who pretends to care less than he does and prefers the company of local cats to people. although he's a loner he's also very keen and protective of the people he cares for, and getting on his good side is annoyingly easy (at least, if you ask him). leans dominant, switch with a preference for topping and domming even from the bottom, gay.

preferred romantic prospects: MacCready, Charon, Deacon, Raul, Arcade Gannon, Maximus, The Ghoul; very possibly others. super particular to ghouls, Railroaders + other BOS deserters. ESPECIALLY interested in writing him against Maximus ATM, the dynamic between an old BOS deserter x Maximus could just be!!! Chef's Kiss 🤌🏻

about me: I'm 32, trans guy, residing in Europe. 15+ years of writing experience and I come equipped with samples. I prefer to write over discord, in our shared little haven of a server. open to tupperbox though I don't require it! I typically write multiple paragraphs; I don't think it's possible to even get a reply under two paragraphs minimum out of me. third person prose, past tense preferred. good grammar is a must, though I'm naturally forgiving of small mistakes. normally I reply daily, though depending on how life is (as you do) results may vary and I'll try to keep you updated. hoping for something similar! I'm super open to AUs, crossovers, different timelines, multiple threads and so on! my absolute favorite thing to write is romance with plot, with some smut tossed in. I prefer my porn with plot and prefer complex settings and relationship to sexuality rather than just mindless, emotionless humping. some pain, some fluff, some terrible angst and passionate love. a nice, healthy balance of things with love perservering through the challenges. like mentioned, I'm open to smut as well as dead dove topics; we can discuss triggers and limits in dms! not interested in toxic ships or looking to double.

finally, I hope you're a minimum of 25 years old. if you made it all the way to the bottom and remain interested, great! drop this post a like and I will surely find you, or feel free to DM me directly! no worries about committing before you even know how I operate; my blog has links that will tell you everything I know and, upon first message, I will drop all the important info your way anyway so you may simply ghost me if it's not your thing.

look forward to hearing from you!!

.

[anotherrpfinder]

☢ crawl out through the Fallout

back to me... ☢

heyyyyyy fellas; since the show and the new FO4 PS5 upgrade, I am back on my Fallout bender hardcore and dusting off an old OC. :') though I've been primarily grinding 4 and watching the show, I'm also super open to 3 and NV verses! sooooo, for the important info;

I'm looking for M x M ships and primarily CC x OC against my BOS deserter Dude. I have a (WIP) bio available for him, but for the basics;

North is an asian-caucascian, kind of a black cat type of guy. he once fled the Capital Wasteland to escape his military family and the iron fist of BOS and now, well... wanders about, kind of living sort of a very druid-y lifestyle. a bit of a loner who pretends to care less than he does and prefers the company of local cats to people. although he's a loner he's also very keen and protective of the people he cares for, and getting on his good side is annoyingly easy (at least, if you ask him). leans dominant, switch with a preference for topping and domming even from the bottom, gay.

preferred romantic prospects: MacCready, Charon, Deacon, Raul, Arcade Gannon, Maximus, The Ghoul; very possibly others. super particular to ghouls, Railroaders + other BOS deserters. ESPECIALLY interested in writing him against Maximus ATM, the dynamic between an old BOS deserter x Maximus could just be!!! Chef's Kiss 🤌🏻

about me: I'm 32, trans guy, residing in Europe. 15+ years of writing experience and I come equipped with samples. I prefer to write over discord, in our shared little haven of a server. open to tupperbox though I don't require it! I typically write multiple paragraphs; I don't think it's possible to even get a reply under two paragraphs minimum out of me. third person prose, past tense preferred. good grammar is a must, though I'm naturally forgiving of small mistakes. normally I reply daily, though depending on how life is (as you do) results may vary and I'll try to keep you updated. hoping for something similar! I'm super open to AUs, crossovers, different timelines, multiple threads and so on! my absolute favorite thing to write is romance with plot, with some smut tossed in. I prefer my porn with plot and prefer complex settings and relationship to sexuality rather than just mindless, emotionless humping. some pain, some fluff, some terrible angst and passionate love. a nice, healthy balance of things with love perservering through the challenges. like mentioned, I'm open to smut as well as dead dove topics; we can discuss triggers and limits in dms! not interested in toxic ships or looking to double.

finally, I hope you're a minimum of 25 years old. if you made it all the way to the bottom and remain interested, great! drop this post a like and I will surely find you, or feel free to DM me directly! no worries about committing before you even know how I operate; my blog has links that will tell you everything I know and, upon first message, I will drop all the important info your way anyway so you may simply ghost me if it's not your thing.

look forward to hearing from you!!

★

[hailmaryfullofgrace55675]

imo "spend less time in trans spaces" is only a temporarily solution and it would be most beneficial to everyone if people who experience dysphoria from being around other trans people learned better coping mechanisms. cause like... seems kind of isolating otherwise? and in the same vein romance-repulsed people are better off learning to deal with it, especially cause they're very likely to see PDA between strangers in their day to day lives. like they don't have to do shit if they don't want to, but getting into internet slap fights isn't the way either lol.

Oh yeah for sure. “Confide in and process with friends” and “practice distress tolerance” were both meant to gesture at like, finding ways to cope with “I saw someone whose body is like mine or not like mine and I feel baaaaaaaad” when spending time in trans spaces. For a lot of people I think “meet transition goals” is necessary and/or sufficient - I don’t know that I would say this was dysphoria exactly, but when I was getting read as queer woman/woman aligned/nonbinary-but-not-transgender more, I felt more of a preoccupation with people who identified as nonbinary and DID want to be read those ways, and felt like I needed to understand myself in differentiation from them. Growing a beard and getting read those ways less made me care less what those people are up to. And I stopped seeing so many annoying fucking posts from them, so you know - common disengagement W.

I think for people whose dysphoria is triggered by seeing X, Y, or Z kind(s) of trans person there are often other kinds of trans people they’re more comfortable being in community with. Sometimes the trans people they’re more comfortable with are terrible for them, sometimes they’re enough community to help them get to a more self-realized and comfortable place.

Ultimately it’s definitely ideal to get to a point where you just don’t feel like shit when you see other trans people! In the interim I think short (e.g. “no more instagram today”) to medium (e.g. “no choir this year”) term disengagement is an important tool to at least know to consider when one can neither bear the discomfort nor make a change in one’s feeling-upon-seeing.

I think aromantic people who find romance aversive to witness are more likely (than trans people who get dysphoric around other trans people) to hypothetically be fine if they can just avoid the thing they dislike - getting dysphoric around other trans people basically only exists as a symptom of other miseries and makes it more difficult to address those miseries, whereas I think aromantic people can find witnessing romance aversive even if their lives are otherwise fine. But they’re also less likely to be able to avoid the thing - a large percentage of the population is in romantic relationships, most fiction takes place in worlds where this is also the case, and this is not considered a sensitive topic basically anywhere so it is not avoided or warned for.

Speculation zone: I think some “romance repulsion” is dispositional and unlikely to shift and basically the only things to do about it are practice distress tolerance and limit exposure. And some “romance repulsion” is situational and in response to social pressure around relationships and/or part of aromantic identity formation.

I think a lot of people who’ve been pressured around relationships become mildly triggered by this or that romance thing because they see (kissing, weddings, someone saying they have to go home for date night) and think “that is or reminds me of something I’ve been pressured to do by individuals or by society that I don’t want to do and that makes me feel bad”. Similarly, a lot of gender dysphoria is related to the pressure of gender assignment and all the coercive structures of cisnormativity. Well, everything but the most base physical the-blueprint-is-wrong stuff is related to living in the system, but I mean some of it is really visibly, traceably traumagenic.

I think a lot of people go through a phase in aromantic identity formation where they’re looking for feelings they have that affirm that they’re super aromantic for real and negative responses to romance can feel positively reassuring to focus on. IME a lot of trans people go through similar phases where feeling dysphoria is kind of gender affirming/affirming of transness so they focus on it when it happens, blow it up a bit in their minds, and sometimes even develop new aversions. I know when I was figuring stuff out as a teenager there were times when I dwelled on twinges and contemplated possible aversions. Honestly, I think this can be part of a necessary process of figuring out what one is actually averse to or dysphoric about. There are errors in both directions - stuff you think is important that you later realize you were kind of only caring about because you thought you should and stuff you continue staring past without seeing because you don’t understand or can’t deal with it yet. But that’s inevitable with self exploration, nobody nails every aspect of their desires down perfect on the first try.

And a lot of people understandably experience being surrounded by talk of romance and people in romantic relationships as an isolating and alienating reminder of a marginalized difference.

Anyway, for both dysphoria and romance repulsion I think there are for sure some things that it benefits and behooves people to sit down and just think through and talk out and desensitize themselves to until they can go to the LGBT center without feeling like they’re being attacked or making a bad post online about how out queer lives hurt their feelings. But/and for a lot of these triggers it is necessary and/or sufficient to become more secure in oneself and lead a happier and more realized life.

[luwritesomething]

RULES!! & OPERATING SYSTEM

Last updated: 27/03/23

Now that I'm back into writing again and receiving requests and all, I think it's fair for me to state what I'm willing to write and what I'm not, with a well constructed list of that plus the way I answer requests. But of course, if you're still unsure about what I may be able to write or not, feel free to ask me in the comments or in my inbox <3

RULES:

All the requests must be done via inbox. That means, you must request in the box in my profile that says "request or come say hi !!". Requests submitted through the comments in my posts or private messages won't be answered, mostly because I'm unable to keep track of the requests being in different places.

I have the right not to answer or write your request, especially if it doesn't fit my do's or dont's. I get writers block a lot, and I easily get unmotivated.

I only write for the characters and fandoms I've stated I write. No matter how detailed your request is, I won't do it if it's not in the list.

If your request isn't nice or it gives me the vibe that you're being rude, I'll probably not answer it. I'm a person too.

Now, what I write and what I don't.

WHAT I WRITE: (do's)

Reader insert (it's literally what i do. i'm trying not to use 'y/n' as much, but it's from a reader insert kind of way)

Gender neutral / unstated gender and pronouns reader.

Reader with no specific body appearance.

Platonic relationships (just specify!!).

Teen reader.

Racially ambiguous reader / No ethnicity stated. (unless stated otherwise)

Polyamorous relationships

Character x Character (it varies a lot bc of the fandom and the characters)

Making out or very lightly suggestive themes (i'm seventeen years old, and i'm also asexual. smut is a no no)

Mental illnesses / Disorders (it varies. i tend to write about the ones i've experienced)

Headcanons

Fics (short and long, with one 'chapter' or more)

Alternative Universes

Dialogue prompts

Angst

Fluff

Queer relationships (i'm queer myself YEEHAW)

WHAT I DON'T WRITE: (dont's)

NSFW or 18+ content.

Mental illnesses / Disorders I'm not familiar with.

Explicit experiences of a trans reader (i am not trans and i don't want to give false experiences that can be based around shady research)

Incest

Major Self-Harm episodes (as someone who has struggled with self-harm for years, i do not feel comfortable making those writings too explicit, although i could)

Pedophilia (creepy)

Non con/Dub (again, this is sex, and in sex consent is very much needed. so, no no)

Actors / Actresses (i only write for characters. the only real people i've written for are kpop idols, and always fluff, never creepy)

Characters not in my list. (i'm very strict on this, even if i like the character. if it's not in my list, that can be found here, i won't write for them)

OPERATING SYSTEM: (how i get the requests out)

Mostly i get them done chronologically, BUT --- there are priorities.

The first one is the level of detail. If your request has given me a clear idea of what you want by examples, describing reader's personality, the scenario, giving me dialogue prompts (i LOVE dialogue prompts); these requests will be getting done BEFORE the ones that only say 'reader thischaracter jealous/fluff/angst'. I know sometimes you just want more content, but part of the reason why I do requests it's because you give me your ideas, so if there is a lack of that, i will probably leave the weaker requests for the end, because it's harder to come up with them.

The other priority is the character. If for example I've been getting and doing a lot of requests for CHARACTER A, I will start prioritazing those for CHARACTER B and CHARACTER C before continuing with CHARACTER A. I get unmotivated, tired and bored easily, and I do this for the sake of my readers (and mine).

It also depends a bit on my mood, to be honest. If someone requests headcanons, or if I plan on writing headcanons for something, those will probably get out sooner since I find them easier to write. I try to be fair, though!!

That would be all for now. Check the updated date to keep track with my changes !! <3 Here's my masterlist.

[roleplayfinder]

☢ crawl out through the Fallout

back to me... ☢

heyyyyyy fellas; since the show and the new FO4 PS5 upgrade, I am back on my Fallout bender hardcore and dusting off an old OC. :') though I've been primarily grinding 4 and watching the show, I'm also super open to 3 and NV verses! sooooo, for the important info;

I'm looking for M x M ships and primarily CC x OC against my BOS deserter Dude. I have a (WIP) bio available for him, but for the basics;

North is an asian-caucascian, kind of a black cat type of guy. he once fled the Capital Wasteland to escape his military family and the iron fist of BOS and now, well... wanders about, kind of living sort of a very druid-y lifestyle. a bit of a loner who pretends to care less than he does and prefers the company of local cats to people. although he's a loner he's also very keen and protective of the people he cares for, and getting on his good side is annoyingly easy (at least, if you ask him). leans dominant, switch with a preference for topping and domming even from the bottom, gay.

preferred romantic prospects: MacCready, Charon, Deacon, Raul, Arcade Gannon, Maximus, The Ghoul; very possibly others. super particular to ghouls, Railroaders + other BOS deserters. ESPECIALLY interested in writing him against Maximus ATM, the dynamic between an old BOS deserter x Maximus could just be!!! Chef's Kiss

about me: I'm 32, trans guy, residing in Europe. 15+ years of writing experience and I come equipped with samples. I prefer to write over discord, in our shared little haven of a server. open to tupperbox though I don't require it! I typically write multiple paragraphs; I don't think it's possible to even get a reply under two paragraphs minimum out of me. third person prose, past tense preferred. good grammar is a must, though I'm naturally forgiving of small mistakes. normally I reply daily, though depending on how life is (as you do) results may vary and I'll try to keep you updated. hoping for something similar! I'm super open to AUs, crossovers, different timelines, multiple threads and so on! my absolute favorite thing to write is romance with plot, with some smut tossed in. I prefer my porn with plot and prefer complex settings and relationship to sexuality rather than just mindless, emotionless humping. some pain, some fluff, some terrible angst and passionate love. a nice, healthy balance of things with love perservering through the challenges. like mentioned, I'm open to smut as well as dead dove topics; we can discuss triggers and limits in dms! not interested in toxic ships or looking to double.

finally, I hope you're a minimum of 25 years old. if you made it all the way to the bottom and remain interested, great! drop this post a like and I will surely find you, or feel free to DM me directly! no worries about committing before you even know how I operate; my blog has links that will tell you everything I know and, upon first message, I will drop all the important info your way anyway so you may simply ghost me if it's not your thing.

look forward to hearing from you!!

.

[findroleplay]

☢ crawl out through the Fallout

back to me... ☢

heyyyyyy fellas; since the show and the new FO4 PS5 upgrade, I am back on my Fallout bender hardcore and dusting off an old OC. :') though I've been primarily grinding 4 and watching the show, I'm also super open to 3 and NV verses! sooooo, for the important info;

I'm looking for M x M ships and primarily CC x OC against my BOS deserter Dude. I have a (WIP) bio available for him, but for the basics;

North is an asian-caucascian, kind of a black cat type of guy. he once fled the Capital Wasteland to escape his military family and the iron fist of BOS and now, well... wanders about, kind of living sort of a very druid-y lifestyle. a bit of a loner who pretends to care less than he does and prefers the company of local cats to people. although he's a loner he's also very keen and protective of the people he cares for, and getting on his good side is annoyingly easy (at least, if you ask him). leans dominant, switch with a preference for topping and domming even from the bottom, gay.

preferred romantic prospects: MacCready, Charon, Deacon, Raul, Arcade Gannon, Maximus, The Ghoul; very possibly others. super particular to ghouls, Railroaders + other BOS deserters. ESPECIALLY interested in writing him against Maximus ATM, the dynamic between an old BOS deserter x Maximus could just be!!! Chef's Kiss 🤌🏻

about me: I'm 32, trans guy, residing in Europe. 15+ years of writing experience and I come equipped with samples. I prefer to write over discord, in our shared little haven of a server. open to tupperbox though I don't require it! I typically write multiple paragraphs; I don't think it's possible to even get a reply under two paragraphs minimum out of me. third person prose, past tense preferred. good grammar is a must, though I'm naturally forgiving of small mistakes. normally I reply daily, though depending on how life is (as you do) results may vary and I'll try to keep you updated. hoping for something similar! I'm super open to AUs, crossovers, different timelines, multiple threads and so on! my absolute favorite thing to write is romance with plot, with some smut tossed in. I prefer my porn with plot and prefer complex settings and relationship to sexuality rather than just mindless, emotionless humping. some pain, some fluff, some terrible angst and passionate love. a nice, healthy balance of things with love perservering through the challenges. like mentioned, I'm open to smut as well as dead dove topics; we can discuss triggers and limits in dms! not interested in toxic ships or looking to double.

finally, I hope you're a minimum of 25 years old. if you made it all the way to the bottom and remain interested, great! drop this post a like and I will surely find you, or feel free to DM me directly! no worries about committing before you even know how I operate; my blog has links that will tell you everything I know and, upon first message, I will drop all the important info your way anyway so you may simply ghost me if it's not your thing.

look forward to hearing from you!!

-

[spanishskulduggery]

Hi! I'm very curious about something regarding the Spanish language. I'm currently studying A2 Spanish but I had this question and my teacher did not seem too willing to discuss it. Here it goes:

I know that Spanish has, something my Spanish teacher says, linguistic gender. I was wondering how do the people who don't align themselves with the gender binary (masculine and feminine) speak/write in it? I have read this article about Spanish speaking people from US adding "x" Or "@" and people from Argentina using "e" to make the words gender neutral.

Thank you so much for responding, whenever you get to it. Also love your blog. ❤

Short answer, in general speaking terms people are tending towards the -e now because the other two are very hard to actually speak, and because Spanish-speakers feel the -e is more authentic

What you're most likely to see in Spanish is masculine plural as the default, or in written things you might see todos y todas or like un/una alumno/a "a student", or like se busca empleado/a "employees wanted" / "looking for an employee"

If it's something official or academic you typically include both [todas y todas] or you go masculine plural [todos] unless it's specifically feminine plural

-

Related, linguistic gender applies to all things, not just people. Why is la mesa "table" feminine, but el libro "book" masculine? Just linguistic gender. I can tell you that most loanwords (that aren't people) in Spanish are masculine, and that there are certain words that come from Greek are masculine, and that -ista words are unisex most of the time... And I can tell you there are some words like testigo or modelo that are unisex and don't change for gender. Aside from that, speaking about nouns and grammatical gender... those particular things are harder to parse for regular people, but if you go into the field of linguistics you can explore that more deeply. Some of it is source language (i.e. "it came from Latin this way") or things like that. And in general when talking about nouns it's unimportant and not considered sexist, that's just how it is.

There is such a thing where it gets a little too far the other way and people will say "history? what about herstory" which is a nice thought but the etymology has nothing to do with gender there

When it comes to people - and when it comes to gendered attitudes - that's where it gets more confusing and more complicated.

I believe there was an experiment where people had French and Spanish speakers [I believe it was Spanish] try to identify how a "fork" would sound. French people gave it a more feminine voice because "fork" is feminine in French, while Spanish speakers gave it a more masculine voice because it's masculine in Spanish.

Whether we like it or not, certain gendered things do influence our thoughts and feelings and reactions. A similar thing in English exists where the old joke was something like "There was a car accident; a boy is rushed to the ER and the surgeon but the father was killed. When they got to the ER the doctor said 'I can't operate on him, he's my son!'" and it's like "well who could the doctor be?" ...and the doctor is his mother. We associate "doctor" as masculine and "nurse" as feminine.

There's a gender bias in our language thought patterns, even though the language changes. And that does exist in Spanish too, to different extents.

There are certain cultural and gendered stereotypes or connotations attached to certain words, many tend to be more despective or pejorative when it's women.

For example - and I know this has changed in many places or it isn't as prevalent - el jinete "horseman/rider", while the female form is la amazona "horsewoman/rider". Because la jinete or la jineta was sometimes "promiscuous woman".

There were also debates about things like la presidente vs. la presidenta or what the female version of juez should be, whether it should be la juez or la jueza

Most languages with gendered language have varying degrees of this, and all languages I'm aware of have gendered stereotypes related to professions or cultural attitudes in some way, and not just for women, and not all in the same way with some of them being very culturally based

-

The longer answer involves a bit of history, and I'll be honest, some of it is contested or considered a little controversial in Spanish-speaking countries particularly in the conservative parts (which honestly should come as no surprise)

The first symbol that I know of that came about was the X

First piece of contested history: As far as I know, it was the trans/queer and drag communities in Latin America who started the trend of X. When there were signs or bulletins that had the gendered endings - specifically masculine plural as the default plural - people would write a big X through the O. This was a way of being inclusive and also a very smash the patriarchy move.

Some people attribute this to women's rights activists which may also be true, but a good portion of the things I read from people say it was the trans/queer/drag communities in Latin America doing this.

I've also read it originated in Brazil with Portuguese; still Latin America, but not a Spanish-speaking country.

Where it's most contested is that some people will say that this trend started in the Hispanic communities of the United States. And - not without reason - people are upset that this is perceived as a very gringo movement.

That's why Latinx is considered a very American-Hispanic experience

-

The arroba (@) is relatively new. I remember seeing it in the 2000s. I don't know if it existed earlier for gender inclusivity.

People used it because it looks like a combination of O and A, so it was meant to be cut down on saying things like todos y todas or niños y niñas in informal written speech

I remember quite a few (informal) emails starting like hola tod@s or muy buenas a tod@s or things like that

I think of it more as convenience especially in the information age where you never knew who you were talking to and it's easier than including both words, especially when masculine plural might be clumsy or insensitive

Still, it's practically impossible to use the @ in spoken Spanish, so it's better for writing casually. You also likely won't be allowed to use the @ in anything academic, but in chatrooms, blogs, or forums it's an option

-

I love the E ending. And the gender neutral form in singular is elle... so it's él "he", ella "she", and elle "they (singular)"

The -e ending is I think became more common within the past 10 years though it might have existed longer than that. These sorts of changes tend to come from the queer or trans communities and tend to be more insular before becoming more of an outside thing that then the general population finds out about

It came about because there are some adjectives in Spanish that end in -e that are unisex. It's not an A, it's not an O, but it's something grammatically neutral for Spanish

It's not as awkward as X, and E exists very firmly in Spanish so it's not perceived as some outside (typically gringo) influence

The good news is, it's pretty widespread on the internet. Not so much in person (yet), but especially in Spain and Argentina at least from what I've seen, particularly in the queer communities and online culture.

The only issues with it are that for non-native speakers, you have to get used to any spelling changes. Like amigo and amiga, but to use the E ending you have to add a U... so it's amigue.

That's because there are certain words where you have to do spelling changes to preserve the sound; gue has a hard G sound like -go does [like guerra]... but ge has the equivalent of an English H sound [gelatina for example]. Another one is cómico/a "funny" which would go to cómique. Again, because co has a hard C/K sound, while ce is a soft sound more like an S or in some contexts TH/Z sound; like centro is a soft sound, while cola is a hard sound

Unless you make it to the preterite forms where you come across like pagué, alcancé, practiqué with those types of endings... or subjunctive forms, pague, alcance, practique ... Basically you'd have to be exposed to those spelling rules or you'd be really confused if you were a total beginner.

It all makes sense when you speak it, but spelling might be harder before you learn those rules

The other drawback is that the E endings are sometimes not applicable. Like in damas y caballeros "ladies and gentlemen" there's not really a gender neutral variation on that, it's all binary there. And while la caballero "female knight" does exist, you'd never see a male variation on dama; the closest I've ever seen is calling a guy a damisela en apuros "damsel in distress" in some contexts where the man needs rescuing, and it's feminine una/la damisela, and it's very tongue-in-cheek

There are also some contexts like jefe vs jefa where I guess you would say jefe for "boss" if you were going the neutral route, but it's a bit weird because it's also the masculine option.

I can't speak for how people might feel about those if they're non-binary or agender because every so often you kind of get forced into the binary whether you like it or not

I totally support the E, I just recognize there are some limitations there and it's quirks of the Spanish language itself

Important Note: Just to reiterate, E endings are the ones most Spanish-speakers prefer because it's easiest to speak and doesn't have the American connotation that X does in some circles

-

Where it gets very "Facebook comment section" is that you'll see many Latin Americans traditionalists and conservatives claim that "this is just the gringos colonizing our language" and "grammatical gender doesn't matter in Spanish". They'll say that the "gender movement" is an American feminist movement and that it's a gringo thing and doesn't reflect actual Latin Americans or Spanish-speakers

Which on the one hand, yes, English does have a lot of undue influence on other languages because of colonization, and American influence and meddling in Latin American politics is a big important issue

But as far as I'm aware of the X (and especially the E) were created by Latin Americans

The other issue I personally have is that any time this conversation comes up, someone will say something like somos latinOs and claim that masculine plural is gender neutral

To that I say, first of all, "masculine plural" is inherently gendered. Additionally, there is a gender neutral in Spanish but it's lo or ello and it's only used with "it" so it sounds very unfriendly to use on an actual person... and in plural it looks like masculine plural and everything applies like masculine plural

Second, the reason masculine plural is default is because of machismo. It's more important that we don't possibly misgender a man, so it has to be masculine plural. It's changed in some places, but growing up when I was learning Spanish, if it was 99 women and 1 man you still had to put masculine plural

I'm not opposed to there being a default, and I understand why it's easier to use masculine plural, but some people get very upset at the idea of inclusive language

...

In general, my biggest issues with these comments come when people act like non-binary/queer/trans people don't exist in Spanish-speaking countries, like English invented them somehow. So it's nice to see linguistic self-determination and seeing native speakers using the E endings.

[parkers-gal]

fluffy hair

wc: 1.2k (fluff)

tom x ag!reader - tom joins the reader in her interview

"Y/N! It's been awhile!" Zach greeted you through the screen, and you laughed, nodding your head. 

"I miss you guys there, in the studio. How is everything?"

"Good, good. Everything's chill here. What about you? Album release and all that?"

You giggled again, shrugging. "It was fun, low key, and safe."

"Good, glad to hear that. Should we start?"

"Let's, yes." 

"Great. I am so obsessed with this record; we're just gonna go down the line for each song." 

"Got it, sounds like a plan." You laughed, looking behind camera, and Zach took note of it before continuing. 

"Shut up."

"Excuse me?" you laughed at him, and he went wide eyed. 

"Oh! No, no, no, I meant the track, the intro-"

"OH," you laughed again, face palming yourself. "Duh, obviously. Continue."

"Right. It's very... melodic, with what, the strings and everything. And your voice cuts in and just tells all those haters to shut up and- what was the meaning behind that?"

You laughed, looking off camera to Tom for a split second before answering. "Well, I mean. With everything happening, it's hard not to tell people to just like," you put your hands up, palms outward in a stop position. "to just- shut the fuck up, y'know? We're fighting for our lives, all these white, straight old... men."

Zach laughed, nodding, and the conversation continued until you switched subjects to the next song. 

"Thirty-four plus thirty-five," he state with a grin. "Now what's that about." 

You laughed loudly, shaking your head at Tom while he told you a joke. 

"Is someone back there?" Zach cut in with a laugh. "They can join if you'd like."

You looked to Tom before shrugging sheepishly, and he rolled his eyes before plopping next to you on the beanbag. 

"This is Tom, the inspiration."

"Y/N!"

You laughed, looking to the camera. "I'm joking, joking," you kissed his forehead, ruffling his hair. "He's my lovely little boyfriend."

"Mhm," he hummed in satisfaction. 

You went on to answer the question, "Well, when Peter sent some string samples over, I heard this one and it was so pure and sweet and completely.. Disney, if you will. And I was sitting with Scotty and Tom and I was like 'what's the dirtiest thing we can write with this?' and well, we got thirty-four thirty-five."

Zach laughed, "So it's not based on real life?"

You laughed before Michael, the other interviewer, cut in with a comment. 

"I actually didn't know it was about sixty-nine until the outro," he laughed, and so did you. 

"Ah- good, that's good actually. Enjoy it without being told how you're supposed to interpret it."

"Did Tom contribute anything to the song? Let's- let's go in depth with the lyrics and how you came up with them."

You laughed again before answering. "Well, I was working on the first verse with Scotty and I was like 'what the fuck can we put here?' and he- he jokingly said 'gimme them babies' and I was like 'holy shit that's perfect. That's going in. We're not changing that.'" You looked to Tom, whose arm was around your waist. "Tommy came in not long after that and wrote the pre-chorus. He was so intent on putting the 'I been drinking coffee,' part. It ended up being my favorite out of the song. He was in the studio with me when we recorded that, basically telling me how to sing it. It was hilarious and scary how bossy and smart he was about producing a song."

Tom rolled his eyes, kissing your temple. 

"Is that true, Tom?"

Tom blushed as he answered. "Yeah. She had just gotten new string samples and she was super excited about and I just- I wanted to be there, make memories. Especially since, at the time, I wasn't working." 

"Tom what's your favorite track?" 

"I think," he thought for a moment. "Well I like all of them, but I like 'my hair' a lot."

"Also inspired by him," You cut in cheekily, and he eyed you with a playful glare. 

"Did you contribute on a lot of tracks?"

"Oh for sure," Tom nodded. "It was quite an experience; doing music instead of acting. It's so strange to me, but it was amazing fun."

"Which track did you do the most work on."

You laughed, and Tom rolled his eyes. 

"Probably 'nasty.'"

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I was there when she was recording vocals, and I just kept telling her to do it again."

"That's actually," you interrupted with a laugh. "that's actually where that intro line is from. 'This bitch really gon' make me,'" you quoted. "because he kept making me doing it again and again and it was hilarious."

"I want to talk about.. six-thirty."

"Okay," you nodded with a smile. "Good track."

"What does it mean? Like the title?"

"Well on a clock," you were motioning with your hands. "The hands are pointing down at six-thirty."

Both of the interviewers oh'ed loudly, laughing at how they hadn't figured it out. 

"The bridge in there, I love it so much."

"Thank you, thank you."

"Do you think you've found that person you can play video games with at two A.M.?"

You glanced to Tom with a gentle smile, eyes softening too. "Yeah," you looked to the camera. "For sure, I think I have."

To was giddy at your response, subtly pulling you closer into his side and kissing your temple again. 

"Now let's talk about the positions music video."

"Oh this should be fun," Tom commented, and you laughed at him. 

"I'm sure everyone else interpreted the title much differently than you did." 

You laughed, nodding. "Probably."

"How'd you come up with the concept?"

"Oh, obviously the real world. We need people like that in office- like, imagine if that were the Cabinet of the White House? Women and gays and trans and everyone. I think we're in desperate need of a reboot."

Zach laughed, agreeing. "A reboot of the Cabinet. I like it, and you're absolutely right," he looked to the monitor. "At the end there, you were giving a medal to a postal worker."

"Yeah," you clasped your hands together in excitement. "I think the US postal service has definitely taken a huge hit this year. They've suffered a great deal; I think including that in my video was almost essential. They need to be recognized and acknowledged."

"But also like the step stool," Tom cut in with a laugh. "She was too short for the postal worker and they were like 'we don't have higher heels,' so I brought that out."

"You twat," you laughed, grabbing his nose lightly like in a child's game. 

He huffed, laughing, pulling you closer and kissing the tip of your nose in response. 

"Can we talk about my hair before we end this lovely interview?" Zach asked once the two of you settled down. 

"By all means."

"We'll get to those whistles in a moment, but the whole song is so.. intimate. Have you found someone like that? To- to appreciate your hair in all forms and designs?"

You looked at Tom again, and he blushed, already knowing your answer. 

"Yeah, yeah I have. My boyfriend just loves my hair, all styles and colors. It's nice, because I feel like the world doesn't really... see my true hair? But Tommy loves it dearly. It's a special place in my heart for that kind of love." 

Tom smiled, head tilting and eyes crinkling, and you ruffled his chocolate curls. 

"Also though, I really love his hair. Fluffy."

[the-bjd-community-confess]

CW: Mental health, bullying, discourse

People on this blog fully say that no one is allowed to have an opinion they disagree with because any unpopular opinion is inherently negative and completely not asked for and therefore rude and you have no right to declare it (for instance saying that you don’t like someone’s aesthetic or that you wish you could see someone doing more with their dolls) despite the fact that this is a confession blog literally made for the purpose of anonymously sharing your opinion unsolicited and without consequence regardless of how that opinion affects someone, and THEN getting all nasty in the comments exercising their “right” to post negative and sometimes degrading or threatening unsolicited comments and opinions.

Often times hiding behind the very sheeple-y commenters that follow with increasingly more nasty comments implying the ever-dull “don’t dish it if you can’t take it” often tacking on accusations to the OP of shit like them being ableist (when it doesn’t apply) or something dumb like that. People can genuinely not appreciate something without it being an assault on someone’s character just because it might hurt someone’s feelings. It’s a confession blog. You know who the real terrible people here are- the commenters and their tired vitriol who clearly have no sense or heart or feel of consequences because they throw around hate speech, insults, and broke ass opinions with a name attached.

You guys are the ableists and the misogynists and the trans/homophobes and the racists, and just generally gross people. Not the people who just said (in what is supposed to be a safe place to vent) a placid criticism of “I’m sorry but I just really don’t like X’s faceup style”. And yes, you can block/unfollow/cultivate your own experiences, but sometimes people have messy feelings and they just need to tell someone who has some idea of the topic their opinion on something prior to or after they’ve cultivated their experience. Especially because sometimes you want to know if you’re not the only one who feels a certain way. You guys in the comments really got from 0-1000 on nothing when this is supposed to be a space to air your thoughts.

Also cultivate your own experience, free yourself, if you see a confession that you don’t agree with just keep fucking scrolling instead of trying to assassinate some poor fucks character over nothing or throwing some kind of nasty shit at no one like “go back on your meds/you need to be in asylum/you’re a jealous little baby/you deserve to rot/you’re scum/etc-etc” Put the phone down, close your eyes, remember that we’re all people and everyone has feelings, not just popular people or people off anon or artists or companies or disabled people, queer people, oppressed people, or people of color. Sometimes you just have to say something for your own peace of mind and you’re literally not trying to make someone kill themself or ruin their livelihood. You’re not special, no one is. Please just take a breath.

~Anonymous