#open the read more to be washed away in a flood of text

[psicadetterra]

Ended up jabbering with my friends about PN stuff. In this post I will talk about Clem and Crystal's deteriorating friendship (and eventual recovery.)

Crystal gives up the project, and for a while, so does Clem. Clem falls back into old habits fairly quickly though. This puts a strain on their friendship. Crystal doesn't want to be like that anymore, and Clem doesn't seem intent to change (he's too deeply entangled in his negativity.) Their friendship reaches its lowest point when they are 14-15. Crystal tries her best to salvage it, but she just can't anymore. They seldom speak or see each other.

Crystal has other friends (Phoebe, Quentin, Misha, and others.) Clem has no one, so he winds up affiliating with other people just as miserable as he is (misery loves company.)

But throughout all of this, despite it all, neither of them truly "hate" each other.

Going off-track a little, I feel like Crystal has known Clem since she first started going to Whispering Rock (let's assume she's seven when she first attends.) I also feel like their friendship was INSTANT, like Crystal mentioned something and Clem was like "no way me too" and bam (lord I'm not implying crystal was like "lol i wanna die" and clem was like "lol same lets be friends" I'm hoping it was something more innocent BUT PROBABLY NOT LOL. It's fucked up to imagine a 7 y/o girl wanting to die IT'S FUCKED UP IMAGINING A 9 Y/O GIRL WANTING TO DIE TOO NOOO MY BABY. I am getting further off track let me reel it back in.)

I am also certain that enduring de-braining and re-braining with your best friend pretty much bonds you for life lol. When you've known someone for so long and went through so much with them, I don't think you could ever truly "hate" them (at least from my experience. this is partly based on my rl friendship and DON'T WORRY we didn't have a suicide pact when we were kids!! we didn't have our brains stolen either.)

I feel like the deep sadness and loneliness Clem feels from losing his best, closest, and ONLY friend is that one thing that finally wakes him up. He misses her. Even if he can't earn back her friendship, he has to TRY and do better. If not for her, then at least for himself.

Thus begins Clem's recovery. When you are at the bottom, the only place you can go is up (although Clem would beg to differ. He says he hit the bottom and kept digging lol.)

Fast forward to about 4-5 years in the future when they are 19-20 years old. They're both in the Psychonauts and they finally speak to each other after so long. I feel like when you're 19-20 the drama from when you're 15 doesn't matter anymore. Clem apologizes to her, and she apologizes to him (she isn't an innocent party, they were both enabling each other.) He doesn't even really expect her to want to be friends again or even accept his apology, but to his surprise, she does. Crystal was afraid that Clem hated her, but this was never true. Even when they were mad and said things they regret, they never genuinely hated each other. They then spend many hours talking and catching up. They've matured and recovered. They are better to each other.

Later, they give dating a shot. It lasts for less than a week. They found it awkward and prefer to just go back to being best friends. Friendship works best for them.

There is continuity in my drawings (have you noticed it?) Crystal still has the Cheer Bear that Clem and Misha gave her for her birthday. Clem assumes that she got rid of it. He is shocked to see she still has it when they become friends again. Even when her friendship with Clem deteriorates and Misha goes missing (that's a story for another time) she never gets rid of it.

To summarize: Clem and Crystal's friendship deteriorates when they still go to Whispering Rock. Once they "graduate" that is the breaking point and they rarely speak to or see each other. They finally reconcile when they are young adults.

[hoshifighting]

I was reading your leaving after a fight reaction and o got an idea could you please do one where reader leaves and goes to a bar and gets drunk they get a call from the bar and it’s just fluff

seventeen reacting to you getting drunk after a fight WARNINGS: mentions of alcohol and arguments, & fluff too.

seungcheol grabs his keys, his mind racing. he can’t let you drown in this. when he arrives at the bar, he spots you immediately. you’re laughing with a group, a glass in hand. “hey!” he snaps, but the bark in his tone quickly fades as you turn to him “what the hell are you doing? this isn’t fun. you need to come home.” he tries to keep his voice steady, but the concern leaks through. “why? so we can fight more?” you roll your eyes, but u look vulnerable still. “you think you’re perfect? you’re not!” “i never said that. im just taking care of you” he bites. your eyes soften, and relief washes over him as you touch his arm, guiding him toward the door.

jeonghan's phone buzzes, cutting through his thoughts. it’s the bar, and his stomach drops. “on my way,” he snaps, not bothering to hide the urgency in his voice. when he arrives you turn, a grin spreading across your face that makes his heart ache. “jeonghan! come join the party!” “this isn’t a party! you need to come home y/n.” he reaches for the glass in your hand, gently prying it away. “let’s go home and talk this out. please babygirl” you hesitate, the fire in your eyes dimming as you look at him, the fight leaving your body.

joshua dont hop into the car, he throws himself in!!! he asks the bar number if you're doing okay as he drives. “there you are,” he says, pushing through the crowd. you know joshua cares too much. he’s sweet like that, always wanting to shield you from everything, even yourself. you look down at the bar top, the wood grain swirling under your fingertips. “i just... needed a break.” “from me?” he asks, sadly. you bite your lip. joshua’s expression softens, and he reaches out, brushing his thumb over your knuckles. “can we just talk about it? please?” u glance up, meeting his gaze, and it feels like home. “fine. but only if u promise to stop being so fucking cute when we fight.” he chuckles, relief flooding his features. “no promises, babe.”

junhui “where are you?” he texts after the call, worry oozing through the words. “out,” you reply tersely, taking another drink. “the bar? seriously?” “what if i am?” you shoot back, but inside, you know you’re pushing him away. “stay there. i’ll be there soon.” “don’t bother,” you type, but your heart sinks at the thought of him not showing up. a short while later, the door swings open, and there he is—his hair a little messy, eyes scanning the room until they land on you. he strides over, concern etched into his features. “what are you doing?” he asks, taking the seat next to you. “just enjoying my night,” you reply, a little too defensively. he raises an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. “by drinking alone?” “i’m not alone; i have my drink,” you mutter, taking a long sip as if it could drown your frustration. he leans closer, his voice dropping to a gentle tone. “you know that’s not what i meant. you’re not okay. let me take care of you baby? hm?” you nod, feeling the walls you built starting to crumble. “fine, but if you keep looking at me like that, i might just forgive you too easily.”

hoshi wrinkled his nose the moment he smelled the strong drink you were drinking, he was clearly sweating like he was running a marathon to get to where you were. “you’re mad at me, but this isn’t how we solve things... you know you can tell me anything, right? even if it’s hard?” you take a deep breath, feeling the tension in your chest begin to ease. “i just hate fighting with you. it feels like we’re always stuck in this cycle.” “i hate it too,” he admits, reaching for your hand. “but running away doesn’t fix it. let’s talk.” “talk? like, actually talk?” you tease, a small smile creeping onto your face. “yeah, that thing where we don’t just yell at each other,” he says, grinning back. “i’m pretty good at it.” you can’t help but laugh, the sound lightening the mood.

wonwoo slides the helmet, and hops on his motorcycle, a few moments later, the door swings open, and there he is—hands in his pockets, that serious yet soft expression making your heart ache. he spots you and makes his way over, concern etched in his features. “you’re really here,” he says, his voice low. “didn’t think you’d come,” you reply, trying to sound indifferent, but you're soft. “and leave you alone like this? not a chance.” he sits beside you, his presence instantly calming. you glance at him, catching the way his brows furrow slightly. he squeezes your hand and kisses your neck softly “let's go home, hm? i'll give u a nice warm bath and we'll talk before going to bed, is that okay, sweetie?”

woozi strides over the bar, hair messy, body stiff, eyes worried, after the call, and you can see the scolding ready to spill from his lips. “i can’t believe you left without telling me. i was worried sick. you really just left? you could’ve told me!” “ listen jihoon, i didn’t want to fight anymore. it was too much.” he flinches, he didn't mean to snap at you, but he was really worried. “i get it,” he replies quietly, his voice gentler now. “but you know you can tell me when it gets too heavy, right?” you take a deep breath, the tension in your shoulders easing just a little. “what do u say we talk about it over ice cream? my treat,” he suggests, a playful grin breaking through. “ice cream sounds perfect,” you reply, matching his smile. “you always know how to fix things.” “it’s a talent,” he jokes, and you can’t help but laugh, the heaviness of earlier fading into something sweet.

minghao asks the bartended to pass the phone to you, “i’m coming to get you,” minghao’s voice is steady, cutting through your haze. “you shouldn’t be there.” “i’m fine,” you snap, but even you can hear the slight slur in your words. he knows you better than that. “you’re not,” he replies. when minghao finally walks in, the door swings open, and the bell jingles, like a damn superhero coming to save the day. “hey,” he says softly, the frown on his face deepening as he takes in your state. “you look… rough.” “yeah, well, thanks for the observation,” you retort, but there’s no real bite in your words. he steps closer, the scent of him wrapping around you like a familiar hug. “i didn’t ask you to come.” “no, but you need me,” he counters, taking your hand, grounding you. his touch makes your cheeks flush, and you can’t help but lean into him, feeling the fight inside you melt away. “let’s talk, okay? i love you and I hate fighting with you.” you melt, and minghao smiles small.

mingyu in quesiton of minutes was there, tall and worried searching for you on the bar, the call made him stumble on his feet on his way there. “you really shouldn’t be here,” you murmur, but your heart races as he approaches, the worry etched on his face only making you want to lean into him. “and you shouldn’t be here alone. we both know you’ll feel worse if you stay out like this. just let me take care of you.” the softness in his tone makes your heart twist. “you don’t have to play the hero.” “but i want to,” he insists, reaching out to intertwine your fingers with his. the warmth of his grip pulls you back from the edge of your frustration, reminding you of everything you love about him. “please?” you take a deep breath, the tension in your shoulders easing as you look into his eyes. “fine. let’s go home.” “thank you,” he whispers, pulling you into a hug that feels like coming home, before arriving in.

seokmin not even five minutes later appears on the bar, seokmin steps inside, scanning the crowd until his eyes land on you. relief floods his expression, and he rushes over, pulling you into his arms before you can say a word. “what the hell, you scared me,” he murmurs, hugging your back tightly. his warmth seeps into you, and you can’t help but melt a little. “you’re drunk.” his concern wraps around you like a blanket, and suddenly, the anger feels distant. “let’s get you out of here,” he whispers, still holding you close. “i don’t want you to feel like this.” “it’s just… everything’s a mess,” you admit, your voice cracking a bit. “we were fighting and—” “i know,” he interrupts softly, pulling back just enough to look you in the eyes. “but we can talk about it later. right now, i just want to make sure you’re okay.” the sincerity in his gaze makes you want to cry, and you nod slowly. “okay.” he smiles gently, brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “let’s go home, yeah?”

seungkwan the minutes tick by slowly, and every time the door swings open, your heart skips a beat. finally, you spot him striding in, “it’s… it’s not safe for you to be out like this,” he says. you pout. “i can take care of myself.” “you’re making this harder than it has to be,” he grumbles. as you slide off the bar stool, he’s already there, an arm around your waist, guiding you out. you laugh, the sound a bit shaky. “u should try being less of a pain in the ass, kwanniee” you tease, but it’s soft, a flicker of something sweet cutting through the tension. he smirks, finally breaking into a grin. “noted. now, let’s get you home before you say something else you’ll regret.”

vernon would keep his emotions bottled up, when he's almost purple in worry, would run to the bar fast, breathing properly only when he finally sees you. “i don’t need you to babysit me,” you sulk when you feel him taking you from the bar stool, “just… please? for once, let me be the responsible one,” he replies squeezing your waist. “oh, shut up,” you say, rolling your eyes but unable to hide the smile creeping onto your face. “i was just having a good time.” “more like trying to forget about our fight,” he counters, crossing his arms, but there’s a playful glint in his eyes. “let’s get you home before you embarrass yourself further.”

chan before the bartender ended the call, was already on the way. the moment he reaches you, he slips an arm around your shoulder, guiding you away from the noise. “you okay?” he asks, searching your face with those steady eyes. you can see the maturity in his expression, the way he balances concern in his heart with the logic, “i will be,” you say, though you know it’s not entirely trrue. his presence calms the storm brewing inside you, and u lean into him. “you’re allowed to feel things,” he expresses, squeezing your shoulder reassuringly. “but next time, can we talk instead of shouting? i’d rather understand what you’re going through.” you nod, the way he watches over you even after an imense fight. “yeah, that sounds good babe...” he smiles with the full of love name.

[secret-sturniolo]

scars to your beautiful - matt sturniolo

summary - When Matt has a sinking feeling about y/n, he takes matters into his own hands to make sure she is okay.

warnings - discussions of self harm, eating disorders, body image (no super graphic details)

a/n - this is based off of some of my own experiences and mental health issues. there will be no graphic imagery or details, but please do not read or interact if this will be a trigger for you.

Matt's POV

I had been asking our friend y/n to hang out with us for weeks now, and in that time my brothers and I had only seen her a handful of times. This was extremely out of character for the bubbly, out going girl that we knew. I had brought this up with Chris and Nick, but they figured that she just needed some space. While that may be true, I still had a bad feeling about y/n that I couldn't shake. I finally decided to call her.

Y/n's POV

I had been holed up in my room for the past few weeks, just idly scrolling through pictures of skinny, beautiful girls on Instagram. I had hit an all time low. Baggy clothes covered my shrinking frame and my red striped arms. It had been days since I had something proper to eat, and my body was feeling the effects. Even though I was so dizzy I could barely stand up, I repeated the mantra in my head. Beauty is pain, beauty is pain. And I would do anything to be pretty. I was past the point of feeling sadness. I was completely devoid of feelings, numb to the world, including my best friends. I knew they were probably worried about me, but I didn't care. I was too focused on the pictures and the razors. In the darkness, my phone screen lit up with Matt's contact.

A facetime call, dammit. I couldn't let Matt see me like this, so ignored the call and just let it ring, not worried about the possible consequences.

y/n, i'm worried about you. please call me. 7:45pm

I stared at the screen, my fingers frozen. Guilt washes over me as I realized how worried Matt was. More thoughts come flooding in.

You have to be pretty for Matt

He'll never like you if you look like that

I toss my phone aside not noticing my new notification, mind made up about what I was going to do next as I walk to my bathroom.

if you don't answer me, im coming over 7:57pm

alright, im coming over. be there in 5 8:00pm

Matt's POV

"Damn it!" I say out loud after there is no answer. I sent her a text, hoping she would call me back. When she didn't respond, I sent a few more messages, silently begging her to respond. Still nothing. My stomach was in knots as I walked out of my room to the living room where Nick and Chris were watching a movie.

"I'm going to y/n's place. Something's wrong, I know it." I say in a panic.

"Woah, Matt, hold on. Did you try calling her?" Nick asks me.

"Yeah, and I sent her texts and shes not responding. It's not like her, Nick."

"Do you want us to come with?" Chris asks me.

"No, I think it's better if I just go," I say, grabbing my keys. "I don't know when I'll be back but I'll let you know."

The drive to y/n's apartment is short as she only lives a few blocks away from our place. I find her spare key from my keychain and unlock the door.

"Y/n?" I yell, with no response.

Wasting no time, I walk towards her bedroom. The room was dark, only illuminated by the light from the bathroom creeping under the door. As I get closer to the door, I could hear faint crying. I say her name again, knocking softly on the door.

"Y/n, its Matt. I'm coming in."

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when I opened the bathroom door. She was sitting on the floor, back against the wall with a sharp object in her hand. I took in the red on her arms, the arms that looked smaller than I remembered, and the pill bottle in her other hand. Her eyes were dark and sunken in, she looked so sick and fragile.

Where do I even start? I thought.

Y/n's POV

I had no idea anybody was even here until the bathroom door opened, and I saw Matt standing there. His face was filled with worry as he took everything in. I burst into tears, finally feeling everything at once. Without saying anything, he moved to sit down on the floor next to me, pulling me into his chest. I breathed in the scent of his cologne as I tried to match his breathing, watching the rise and fall of his chest.

"Y/n, I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner. I had no idea..."

"You weren't supposed to know, Matt!" I sob. He lets me cry into his arms for a few more minutes before speaking again.

"Y/n, you need to tell me what's going on. Have you been eating?" he says gently but sternly.

I buried my face in my hands. "Matt, I can't tell you!"

"You know you can tell me anything, y/n. Talk to me, please." he pleads.

I broke down and told him everything.

"I don't know what to do, Matt! I can't stop. It just feels so right!"

"But why, y/n? Why did this start, did something happen?" He looks into my eyes.

"I just want to be pretty for you, Matt!" I sob.

He pauses. "For me? Y/n, I've always thought you were the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes on. You shouldn't change yourself for anyone, especially not for me."

"Can you help me Matt? Like, help me get better?" I ask him genuinely.

"Of course, y/n I will always be here for you." he says. "I want to get you cleaned up, do you have a first aid kit anywhere?"

"There should be one in that drawer." I point with a sniffle.

I watch as Matt gently cleans and bandages my wounds. As he finished up, I grabbed his hand.

"Matt?"

"Hm?"

"I - I love you." I stutter out.

His lips form a smile. "I love you too, y/n. So much."

We both lean in for a quick but passionate kiss, not wanting to go overboard in this moment.

"Can we go to bed?" I ask him.

"Of course, let me text Nick and Chris so they don't worry."

He sends a quick text to his brothers saying he's spending the night at my place, and then helps me up off the ground, carrying me to my bed. He slides his hoodie and shirt off before climbing under the covers with me. I lay my head on his chest, feeling the soft rise and fall of his breathing. He must have sensed my anxiety.

"Hey, it's all gonna be okay. Nothing bad is going to happen between you and I, I promise it's all for the better. Just go to sleep, and we can talk in the morning." He places a gentle kiss on my head.

God, it's like he can read my mind I thought to myself. I trusted his words, and for the first time in a long time, I finally felt safe.

[pippytmi]

Hey, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your wonderful Kacy fics. I've been reading and rereading them during this very sad post-cancellation time. I would be so glad if you could write another one with this prompt from your neighbors AU list: "You live in the apartment above me and your water pipe burst and is flooding into my apartment ..."

The first sign of disaster is, inevitably, the distinct lack of the pipes groaning in the walls.

Kate doesn’t think twice about it at first. All she cares about is washing the grime of the last double shift off her body, and it's a quick enough process that she barely registers that the water pressure is weaker than usual. Besides, her mind is firmly elsewhere; her RDOs are this weekend, and she already can’t wait for the longest sleep of her life (along with a bad movie and some cheap wine to kick it off).

But just as she begins to towel off her wet hair, a loud clank rings out from somewhere beneath the shower. The sound of rushing water follows, but curiously, nothing leaks—in the end, Kate decides to text the landlord to mention it. She certainly doesn't plan to spend her evening investigating.

Then she hears the first scream.

In an instant, Kate rushes back into her room to grab her gun and badge, unable to stay away from the possibility of someone in trouble. She identifies the scream as having come from somewhere downstairs, takes the time to clear the hallway with careful, precise steps in an attempt to locate the source.

“Motherfucker,” comes a loud curse from apartment 512, followed by a few frustrated bangs against the wall, and Kate slowly approaches her target.

“Hello? Is everything okay?” she calls through the door.

“Just peachy,” says the occupant from 512, voice dripping with sarcasm. The door swings open to reveal an…umbrella. “Except for the fact that everything in my apartment is melting.”

“Melting?” Kate lowers her gun, confused, until the umbrella shifts and a beautiful stranger blinks up at Kate quizzically.

“You're not maintenance,” the woman says. She looks vaguely familiar the way all of Kate’s neighbors do, but she eyes Kate up and down with no recognition in her own gaze. “If you're here to rob me, I have absolutely nothing you want.”

It's only then that Kate realizes holding her gun with no uniform is the worst idea she has ever had. “Oh no, I'm…I'm a cop,” she says, hastily clicking her gun’s safety back on and tucking it into her pants. “I thought you might be in danger.”

“I am in danger,” 512 says, “of drowning in my own apartment. Fuck my entire life, I guess!” She has obviously been crying—mascara smeared halfway underneath her eyes—and Kate feels a pang of sympathy.

“Is there any way I can help?”

“Unless you can magically shut off the water in this building, I don’t think so,” the woman says sorrowfully. “This is all 624’s fault.”

Kate does a double-take. “What?”

“The dickhead who lives upstairs,” 512 says. “Whatever they did, they broke my ceiling.”

“All I did was take a shower,” Kate says, perplexed, and 512’s jaw drops.

“You’re the dickhead?”

“I just live upstairs, I didn’t do…this,” Kate gestures to the water steadily dripping onto the carpet. “A pipe must have burst somewhere.”

“And all over my new couch,” the stranger sighs, obviously resigned. “It’s not supposed to get wet. It’s dry-clean only.”

“Your couch is dry clean only? How does that even work?”

“Okay you are in no place to judge, 624,” 512 scoffs. “Your shower has destroyed everything I own.” She raises her umbrella higher, and Kate has to step back before it pokes her in the eye. “I want it on the record that I don’t consent to being searched.”

“I’m not trying to search you,” Kate says. “Oh my God. I just came to see if you needed help.”

512 narrows her eyes. “Tell me your name first.”

“Kate.” When Kate is met only with a pointed, raised eyebrow, she gives more: “Katherine Whistler. Do you need my badge number, too?”

“Well it would certainly help,” the stranger says, painstakingly typing every digit into a text message that Kate only gets a glimpse of. “I need my guy to check you first. You know how it is, I’m sure.”

“...right,” Kate says. “Listen, um—”

“Lucy.”

“Lucy,” Kate repeats. “Is there any way that I can help? Not as a cop or anything, just…as a concerned neighbor.”

Another sigh, Lucy’s breath quivering like she might cry again. “No. My apartment is now a watery graveyard,” she says. “I’m going to have to sleep on the floor.”

“Did the pipes burst everywhere in your apartment?” Kate is now officially concerned. “Even on your bed?”

“My couch is my bed. This is the worst day of my life.” Lucy pouts, entire lower lip jutted out as her eyes grow wet and glassy, and Kate swallows hard.

“Do you need somewhere to stay tonight?” Kate finds herself asking. Maybe it’s guilt—maybe it’s because she genuinely wants to help—or maybe it’s just how Lucy’s pretty eyes go wide when she makes the offer, but Kate doesn’t take it back. “Just until maintenance, you know, fixes everything.”

“Seriously?” Lucy squints at Kate dubiously. “You would do that?”

“Sure,” Kate says, with only about 75% certainty. “It wouldn’t be any trouble.”

(And so, that is how Kate’s night officially morphs from staying in to entertaining the attractive neighbor from apartment 512).

Lucy has obviously dressed for a night out—a tight, sparkly dress, dark curls blown out, high heels strapped up to her ankles. In the aftermath of her living room being enveloped in water, though, Lucy doesn't seem to be in any hurry to go anywhere.

“Thank you,” Lucy says once she has accepted a blanket to wrap around her shoulders, sitting small and sad on Kate’s couch. “Maintenance got back to me, but apparently it's going to be a while.”

“That's fine,” Kate says, and her eyes flicker again to Lucy's outfit. “Were you planning on going somewhere tonight? I can drive you.”

“Mm, kind of.” Lucy leans back, closes her eyes briefly, and the corner of her mouth twitches like she might smile. “I was going to play poker. Actually, I was going to crash my friend's poker game and embarrass him a little, and then probably gamble away my dad’s money.” She cracks open an eye. “That's not an admission of illegal activities, by the way.”

“I see.” Kate clears her throat and does the only thing she can think of: change the subject entirely. “Do you want some tea? I have chamomile, chai, earl gray…”

“Earl gray tastes horrible,” Lucy says, opening both eyes now, and she smiles ever-so-faintly. “I would love a cup.”

So Kate makes two mugs of earl gray instead of opening a bottle of wine, and she turns on the TV to watch Sex and the City instead of her movie because Lucy had perked up when she saw the title, and it's…actually not bad, having some company. Lucy does not mention wanting to go to her poker game, and Kate doesn't ask again.

“I’m not keeping you from any wild Friday night plans, am I?” Lucy whirls around to stare Kate down as she poses this sudden question, likely making her own appraisal of Kate’s outfit.

Kate can only imagine the story her sweatpants and frayed tank top are telling, and it makes her cheeks flush. “No, this is it,” she says. “I mean, the most adventurous thing I planned was maybe ordering pizza.”

“Pizza isn't adventurous, it's basically its own food group,” Lucy gasps, whipping out her phone in a flurry. “I'm ordering you one. Is Hawaiian okay?”

“Sure,” Kate agrees, hiding her grimace into her tea. “Do you want to change into anything more comfortable while we wait? I can lend you some clothes.”

Lucy shakes out her hair with a tired shrug. “That would be great,” she says. “If you really don't mind…”

The pizza comes just after Lucy finishes getting dressed; she emerges tying her hair up, pajama pants unraveling down her right leg as she curses and tries to roll the ends back up. Kate has to blink rapidly and look away before she can get caught staring.

“Is there anything else you need?” Kate shifts over to let Lucy join her on the couch, and Lucy happily obliges, sitting cross-legged to balance a paper plate on her knees as Kate opens the pizza box.

“Nah, I'm good. But thank you, seriously, for this. I wouldn't have had anywhere else to go.” Lucy has washed all the makeup off her face, and when she takes a bite of her pizza, sauce smears onto the corner of her mouth. “My parents would completely cut me off if I told them the only piece of furniture I own is a couch.”

“Is that why you sleep there?” Kate says. “You don't have a bed?”

“I’m…still kind of moving in. Or I was,” Lucy says. “Bed frame shopping is very serious. I can't make that commitment yet.”

Kate picks the pineapples off her pizza and resists the urge to laugh. “So when will you be ready to make that commitment?”

“Whenever my heart tells me,” Lucy says with a knowing smile which means she's absolutely kidding, and this time, Kate does let a huff of laughter escape. “You'll have to give me some pointers.”

“I don't think I'm qualified. I bought the first one I came across,” Kate says.

“You did not,” Lucy feigns horror. “Never mind, Katherine Whistler. You seem like you have very poor judgment. For one, you keep your apartment unnaturally cold—”

“It’s 65 degrees?”

“—then you pick furniture with no sense of love—”

“Is that really a good metric for picking a bed frame?”

“And I’ve been watching you not eat the pineapple on your pizza this entire time,” Lucy finishes.

Kate guiltily takes a bite of her pure-ham-and-cheese slice. “I don’t really like pineapple.”

“Then why’d you let me order it?” Lucy asks laughingly, not with any frustration in her voice, just pure curiosity; Kate can only shrug her shoulders in response.

“You’re my guest,” Kate says plainly, and tries not to think too much about the fact that Lucy has moved closer so their thighs are nearly brushing now. “It would’ve been rude if I said no.”

“Hmm,” Lucy says, and absolutely nothing else. Then: “So this is just you being a very thorough host.”

“...yes,” Kate says, nearly posing it as a question, and Lucy smiles with her tongue between her teeth.

“As a bonafide Texan, I would commend your Southern hospitality, but something tells me you’re not Southern. Let me guess—Delaware?”

“Close, actually,” Kate says. “D.C.”

“A D.C. girl opening up her home to damsels in distress,” Lucy muses. “Is that a cop thing? You just take pity on any stranger in need?”

“It’s…more like I’m just a sucker for pretty girls who call me a dickhead,” Kate says, taking the chance that Lucy has been moving closer and closer for a reason (and hopefully, not because of the supposed temperature of the thermostat). 

Lucy beams, her entire face overcome with shy delight, and Kate barely manages to keep breathing. “Careful,” Lucy says, “I might test you to see how far you’re willing to go.”

“I think I can handle it,” Kate says, meeting Lucy’s gaze head-on, and Lucy bites her lip coyly in a way that surely means challenge accepted.

And so Lucy moves again, this time so they’re pressed side-to-side, and uses the excuse of, “It’s getting colder in here, I think. You’re going to have to keep me warm.”

“Anything to be a good host,” Kate plays along.

Lucy sets her empty plate on the coffee table and casually mentions, “And it’s getting so late. You know, if you were planning to go to bed anytime soon.”

Kate almost has a heart attack on the spot. “It is…late,” she says haltingly. “And you should take my bed. Um, to sleep in.”

“Just to sleep in?” Lucy raises an expectant eyebrow.

“Well, it—has many functions,” Kate says, and Lucy's hand falls warmly over Kate’s.

“I guess you're going to have to show me,” Lucy says, batting her eyelashes, and Kate is powerless to do anything but nod.

“Definitely,” Kate says breathlessly—holds the word like a promise—and knows in that moment she is a complete goner.

(But what a way to go.)

[lieutenantfloyd]

When Duty Calls Part 2 | Cyclone x Reader

Word count: 1.6k

Summary: You arrive at The Hard Deck, a place that was once like a second home to you.

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, and Hangman being... Hangman.

Authors note: Life with a neurodivergent brain means I haven't updated this series since September but I managed to write this chapter in less than a day. Writers block be damned lol.

Read on AO3

It only took you twenty minutes to arrive at The Hard Deck, but another twenty minutes elapsed before you were able to convince yourself to open the car door.

You savor one last minute of air conditioning before willing yourself out of the car. Each crunch of sand under your shoes feels almost deafening but you push yourself forward, instead letting your eyes examine the scene in front of you. It’s early evening and a decent size crowd is occupying the parking lot while a slow moving but steady stream of people flow through the front door.

You join the back of the pack and slip your phone out from your back pocket. As luck would have it, your phone—unused since before you’d gotten in the shower—opens directly onto the text-that-shall-not-be-named. The panic inducing text bubbles have vanished and your initial message remains the last one sent between you both. Half of you is flooded with relief by the lack of response while the other half is more bothered by it than you’d ever care to admit.

You peer around the man in front of you, hoping to find a spot to slip through, but to no avail. From where you’re standing, you’re granted a perfectly framed view of The Hard Deck’s sun washed coastal siding against the blazing blue sky. It is a view that fills you with both comfort and nostalgia.

The nights you’d spent at this bar were among the few memories you let yourself get lost in. Quarters in the jukebox, the feeling of salt and sun making itself home on your skin, Clinking bottles and cans together after a job well done, the biting taste of whiskey on your tongue while venting frustrations. All things that drove you away, yet they kept you going when you needed it most.

Your spiraling thoughts barely register when you remember the phone still in your hands. You hurriedly lock the screen and slide the device back into your pocket. You far from expect anyone peering over your shoulder to piece together exactly who had left you on read, but your instincts tell you that you can’t be too careful. You’ve seen first hand how people here ensure that even the most baseless rumors spread quicker than wildfire. The last thing you need is to be pulled into an office and reprimanded before this mission even begins.

You were now second place from the entrance, so you capture the remaining moments and stomp out the last bit of anxiety left in your gut.

You cross the threshold in one quick step, your eyes already scanning the room and taking note of how many of the faces in this bar were completely unfamiliar. Whoever had sent the summoning text you’d received roughly two hours earlier chose to leave out who or what you should be looking for, so you instinctively set off towards the bar. ~ There wasn’t an empty barstool in sight, so you stay on your feet and shoulder your way through the rowdy servicemen until you can lean your elbows against bar top. Your chosen attire of light wash jeans and a brown tank top is nothing special, but your actions have earned more than a few glances, and you felt myself wanting to shrink under their eyes. You push your insecurities aside just in time to spot the woman you’re looking for.

“Penny!” you call out, raising your arm above your head in a lazy wave. She pivots instantly at the sound of her name and freezes briefly as her eyes land on you. A wave of memories—both wanted and not—wash over you in the time it takes her to abandon the towel and glass she’d been drying and pace over to you.

In a past life, you’d spent the majority of your free time helping out behind the bar or escorting Amelia and her friends around town. Penny was like a sister to you then, and both her and Amelia had been two of the hardest people to leave behind.

“Now that’s a face I didn’t expected to see at my bar again.” Penny says bluntly, but you can see the tell tale signs of a smile threatening to shine through.

“It’s good to see you too, pen.” You say with an easy smile.

“I assume you got called back too?” she asks. You give her a curt nod in response.

“Well then it seems like your friends got the party started without you.” She says while signaling towards the pool table on the far side of the bar.

“Friends is a strong word.” You say dryly.

“Well, in that case,“ She starts, only to pause and crouch down behind the bar. “Go easy on them.”

She finishes her sentence with a soft laugh and slides a can across the bar towards you. You wipe the ice and condensation off the rim and crack open the soda. The action is so familiar you don’t even give the can’s label a glance. You make sure to take a long, dramatic swig in the process.

“Thanks.” You say, tilting the can towards her while simultaneously breezing past her comment.

“I mean what I said. I obviously don’t know what’s ahead, but I get the sense that they don’t either. Hold your cards close to your chest around them.” She warns.

“Yes ma’am.” You affirm.

The area around you has cleared a bit which gives you some much appreciated breathing room. Over Penny’s shoulder you watch yet another man approach the bar, only this time it’s a face you’re anything but excited to recognize.

Of course Hangman would be back too.

You fight back the urge to grimace as he calls out to Penny, who quickly acknowledges him before turning back to you.

“Do you still have my number?” She asks.

“Always.” You answer, which earns me a soft smile from Penny.

“Good. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

“That we do.” you agree, trying your best to mask any lingering unease about what the following weeks had in store.

You take your time circling the bar, and keep your eyes on Hangman as Penny serves him another beer. You have half a mind to ask him if he has any idea why we were all called back, but the thought dies the minute he makes an painful show of checking you out.

"Hangman." You say with the fakest smile you can manage.

“Just when I’d thought you were gone for good…” he says while dragging his gaze slowly up your body until he reaches your eyes.

“I knew you’d be bored without me.”

Jake laughs while you take a sip of soda and swallow down the anger building inside you.

“Aw, how considerate.”

“We can’t all be complete assholes, so…” You respond pointedly.

Hangman gears up in rebuttal just as Penny calls out your name and waves you back over. He turns to make his leave—and you’re almost shocked he’s accepting defeat—but the shock instantly becomes irritation when you both back away while throwing each other equally unkind hand gestures.

Turning towards Penny, you let her take your free hand in hers and give it a sisterly squeeze. An uncomfortable silence lies between you, and you can practically see the wheels of contemplation turning in her head.

“Have you… talked to him?” She queries in a low voice.

You don’t know what your face betrays, but hers instantly fills with a look of regret. You change your grip on the soda can, the chilled aluminum suddenly searing against your fingertips. You open your mouth to answer but can’t find the right words. Thankfully, she seems to take the silence as a hint.

“Well, I hope to see you both around more often.” She says quietly. Her words are simple and pleasant, but you can’t help but feel the urge to read deeper into them.

“Yeah, me too.” You breathe.

She squeezes your hand once more, and you all but cringe as the vulnerability in your words and voice rings loudly in your ears. After the unfortunate events of the last ten minutes, you’re quick to follow Hangman’s path towards the pool table. ~ You can feel eyes on you as you drop into one of the surrounding barstools, but make no effort of acknowledging them. The game plan you’d written earlier in the day flashes through your mind, and you know you don’t want to draw any more attention to yourself than necessary. You chose to sit and observe for a while before briefly catching up with old friends from your first time at Top Gun over a few rounds of pool. Soon after, you use the uncomfortably tense exchange between Hangman and Rooster as cover and slink onto the stool next to Phoenix’s new backseater.

You quickly learn that as quiet as he may be, the WSO—who’s stationed out in Lemoore and has the name and callsign Bob, according to your former wingman Natasha—Is more than happy to engage in a bit of gossip. Something which you’re happy to do as you watch the last several aviators file through the door.

It is only when you rise from your seat to refill Bob’s bucket of peanuts that you notice the awkward hush falling over the group. It wasn’t hard to decide that if the already heavy dose of tension was anything to go by, this mission—and the complete lack of details as to why any of you had been called back here in the first place—has everyone feeling shook up.

Bucket in hand, you skim the outskirts of the group. And quickly share a collective double take with Harvard, Yale, Omaha, and Fritz. You know the same question weighing heavy on your mind is doing the same to theirs. Yet before you can ask, the sound of Phoenix’s voice commands everyone’s attention and breathes life into one of the many questions you are all dying to ask.

“Everyone here is the best there is. So who the hell are they going to get to teach us?”

Taglist: @katesmadness @natasharomanoffisbaebby @nobody7102 @idiomaticpunk @thebeckyjolene @paintballkid711 @barbiewritesstuff @bbooks-and-teas @starshipfantasy @saramaple @marchingicenotes7 @bayisdying @princessofglitterland @katesmadness @shakira-sasha @xoxabs88xox @nyx2021 @qardasngan @fanboyluvr @bellamy1998 @alexxavicry @madamemelancholysstuff @autumnleaves1991-reads @dozcan123 @noxytopy @accio-boys @the-winter-marvel33 @justameresimp @abaker74 @starlightmoon2020 @comfortzonequeen, @flrboyd @heyitskay-21 @kmc1989 @kkrenae

[rebelwrites]

Fifteen: So What Happened Last Night?

Charles Leclerc x Nova Teller (OC)

Till the wheels fall off Masterlist

Small town meets the fast lane. What happens when two souls meet? Will it end in happiness or will they both crash and burn?

As always reblogs and feedback is highly appreciated ❤️ if you want tagging in future parts let me know ❤️

Resting my phone against my chest I found myself blankly staring up at the ceiling willing my body to go back to sleep. The sun was starting to creep into the room through the cracks in the blinds, the soft orange glow bounced off the walls, running my hand over my face. I finally admitted there was no way I was going to get back to a peaceful slumber, not when I had spent the best part of the last year waking up at the crack of dawn.

Feeling my phone vibrate against my body, I harshly rubbed my eyes as I tried to move but I quickly found I was being pinned down to the soft mattress by Charles’ arm draped across my torso. I couldn’t help but cock my brow at the screen of my phone once I had finally grabbed it. Jax’s name shone bright in the low light of the room.

Why was my brother texting me at five in the morning?

05:01 - whatever you do Squirt please don’t look at social media

Well, that was like telling me not to press a big red button, it was just going to make me want to do it even more. Swiping the conversation off my screen I automatically opened Instagram, the moment the feed loaded my heart sank into my stomach making me wish I had listened to my older brother for once.

My eyes went wide at the picture that was staring back at me but what caused tears to slide down my cheeks were the comments.

I knew people could be mean online but never I had the hate directed at me, I couldn’t stop the tears as I slowly locked my phone before gently prying Charles arm off my torso allowing me to escape the cloud like bed. The next five minutes were a blur as I grabbed Charles’ hoodie he was wearing last night, pulling it over my body letting the smell of his aftershave flood my senses providing me a small amount of comfort.

Sneaking out onto the balcony I placed a cigarette between my lips as I sunk down onto the outdoor sofa, I wanted to scream. I knew I should have put the phone away but I couldn’t help but continue scrolling through the comments. My head was spinning as the tears rolled freely down my cheeks, the more I read the words of random strangers on the internet the more my insecurities ate me alive.

She looks like a troll!!

What does Charles see in her? She’s the size of a whale.

Where are the supermodels he usually dates?

Look at those love handles, it’s making me feel sick.

Waking up to the bed being empty caused Charles' heart to sink, he let his arm move over to where Nova had been sleeping only to find the sheets were cold meaning she had left a while ago. Panic flooded his veins as he desperately went over everything that happened last night trying to pinpoint why he was waking up alone, however he was drawing blank.

He couldn’t find a single reason.

Everything about last night was perfect, listening to the sweet voice of the girl that had captured his heart and falling asleep with her wrapped in his arms. Running his hand over his face, he rolled out of bed, feeling the softness of the rug under his feet. As he was reaching for his phone he noticed the balcony door was open slightly.

For a moment he dropped his gaze to the screen of his phone just as a text came through from his brother.

07:31 - BRO YOU NEED TO CALL MAMAN ASAP

07:33 - APPELEZ-MOI MAINTENANT (CALL ME NOW)

07:34 - WAKE UP FUCKFACE!!!!

Confusion washed over Charles as he knitted his brows together at the messages, the sound of Nova’s soft cries caused him to lock his phone, he didn’t care he was wearing nothing but his boxers, he needed to see why she was crying.

The moment he saw Nova sat with her knees pulled to her chest, he felt his stomach twist into a knot. His movements were smooth as he quietly made his way over to the girl that had flipped his world upside down.

“Sunshine,” Charles whispered, placing his phone on the table before he crouched down resting his hand on Nova’s knee, “what's with all these tears?” he asked softly. Nova stayed silent, pulling her hands away from her face looking up at Charles. His heart broke as he took in how blood shot her piercing green eyes were. Reaching up he softly ran his thumb over her cheeks wiping away the tears that dampened her skin, “Parlez-moi Talk to me,” Nova sighed heavily as she passed Charles her phone, which was still open on the instagram post.

Charles couldn’t believe what he was reading, anger bubbled inside of him. There were only a few people that knew about their whereabouts and the only way they would have gotten to picture was if they were there, meaning it had to be someone from the yacht staff. However the thing that was upsetting him the most were the harsh words people were commenting about a girl they didn’t even know.

“Come here babygirl,” he hummed, placing the phone onto the small table before wrapping his arms around Nova, “they don’t know what they are talking about. You are beautiful, smart, brave and one of the best women I know.”

“But-”

“No buts,” he whispered, pressing a tender kiss to the top of Nova’s head, “all the people that are commenting about you are jealous, because I want to be with you and not them,” before he could say another word his ringtone started echoing around the two of them. He turned his gaze to the screen seeing his mother’s face staring back at him, “I need to answer that,” he said softly, “you ready to meet my Maman?”

“What if she doesn’t like me?” Nova whimpered, roughly wiping her eyes with the sleeves of Charles’ hoodie she was wearing.

“Sunshine, Maman is going to love you.”

Jax watched intently as the red Ferrari gracefully pulled into the bar's car park, with bated breath he watched Nova through the passenger window, he couldn’t quite see if she had tear stained cheeks from where he was standing.

Some of the comments made his blood boil, making him want to track down every single person, putting a 9mm hole in their heads. That thought alone scared him slightly, he wasn’t the same person he was when he was a teen, he didn’t carry all of the time now but when it came down to Nova he would go on a killing spree, without batting an eyelid just to protect her.

The moment he saw the post and the horrendous comments Charles’ fans were saying his stomach twisted into a tight knot knowing how much this would tear her up. He had spent many years consoling his baby sister when her insecurities and demons in her mind became too much to bear.

A small smile appeared on his face as he watched Charles climb out of the driver’s seat, jogging around the front of the vehicle before opening the passenger door helping Nova out of the car. It was a breath of fresh air to see her with someone that wasn’t a complete douchebag.

Surprisingly Nova stepped out of the car with a bright smile on her face, it had been a while since he had seen his sister with a smile that actually reached her piercing green eyes. He had never seen his little sister so happy, he just hoped that this wasn’t just a fling between her and Charles and they could make the long distance work.

Running his hand through his perfectly kept blonde hair smirking as Charles and Nova walked hand in hand up to the building. It was as if they were in their own protective bubble, like the recent social media post didn’t exist. He just prayed that she had actually done what he had told her for once and kept off the internet.

He knew his sister didn’t come home the previous night meaning he was ready to go into fully annoying big brother mode teasing her about her whereabouts, although there was no need to ask where she was, he already knew she spent the night with Charles. “Soooooooo,” Jax whistled, placing a cigarette between his lips before extending his arm out to Nova offering her one which she quickly took with a nod, “what happened last night?” his tone was playful as he nudged Nova’s arm with his elbow.

“Like I’m gonna tell you,” Nova hummed, pausing to take a long drag of the smoke, “but we do need to talk about Juice, that boy’s had too many fuckin’ chances.”

Before Jax could speak Elenor came running over linking her tiny hand with Charles’, giggling loudly as she pulled him into the bar. Jax wrapped his arm around Nova’s shoulders pulling her into his side. He took a deep breath before asking his next question, normally he could read Nova like an open book but not today, “I need to tell you something.”

“Yea, I know,” Nova said with no emotion in her voice, “I kinda looked this morning.”

Jax let out a heavy sigh, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, “are you okay?”

“Meh, Char helped calm me down this morning, he helps keep the demons away,” Nova said quietly looking down at her trainers, “I knew there was a chance this could get out but I didn’t expect it to be so quick, ya know,” she sighed, resting her head on her brother’s shoulder.

“Are you together now then?” Jax asked.

“I think so,” Nova nodded.

“You think so? Surely it is a yes or no answer.”

“We haven’t really spoken about it, guess we are just seeing where it goes. At the end of the day he will be leaving town in a couple of weeks so I don't wanna get my hopes up,” she said, Jax didn’t miss the hint of sadness in her tone as she mentioned about Charles leaving.

“Even I can see that boy loves you,” Jax whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of Nova’s head, “don’t focus on him leaving town, just focus on the time you have with him. Life is short squirt, don't let an opportunity to fall in love slip through your fingers.”

The sound of his daughter’s giggles coming from inside the bar made his heart swell, not only was Charles good with his sister but Elenor adored him, although he find himself starting to feel jealous that his babygirl wanted to spend her time with the Monegasque driver rather than her daddy.

Pushing the jealous thoughts from his mind, he pressed another kiss against Nova’s temple before speaking. “So you wanted to speak about Juice? What's he done now?”

Nova placed another cigarette between her lips, taking a step back from Jax, looking up at him through her lashes as she fumbled with the zippo. “It would be easier to tell you what he hasn’t done,” she growled through the filter of the smoke,“the jerk is a waste of air.”

Jax cocked his brow, knowing that if he wanted to keep his balls intact he knew not to interrupt his sister when she was going off on a rant.

“I warned him, I fucking warned him if he screwed up once more then he is gone,” she spat, leaning against the brickwork of the building, taking a long inhale of the cigarette, “I went back to Charles’ room at the Lodge and the place was a fucking sty.”

“Leclerc’s room?”

“No dummy, the lobby of the Lodge,” Nova hummed, narrowing her eyes across the parking lot. Jax watched as she snarled to the person backing their bike into a parking spot. “Oh and he was no where to be fucking seen, probaly too busy at that stupid fucking weed shop.”

Jax let out a heavy sigh, running his hand across his face, “okay, leave him to me,” he nodded, pushing himself off the wall moving so he was blocking Nova’s view of Juice. “Now, what you are going to do is take a deep breath, forget about Juice and go spend some time with that man of yours.”

Nova scoffed at Jax, “Ce n'est pas mon homme, face de cul. He's not my man, assface,” she said, rolling her eyes, as he took the half smoked cigarette from between her fingers.

“You know I hate it when you speak French to me,” he huffed, like a toddler as he watched his sister crouch down grabbing one of the crates of beer piled by the doorway before slipping into the building.

Jax couldn’t believe it was only a couple of months ago where he had a similar conversation with Juice. But this was it, there wasn’t going to be any more chances. The Lodge meant alot to the club and his family so to hear that it was being turned into a dumping ground, severely pissed him off.

The only sound that was echoing around the empty lot was the crunch of the gravel under Juice’s boots. Jax tossed the cigarette in the metal bucket by the door as he narrowed his eyes at the Puerto Rican.

“Kitchen, now!”

@withmyteeth @chibsytelford @stillbreathin @danzer8705 @keyweegirlie @dragon-of-winterfell @ohthemisssery @a-distantdreamer @sgkophie @angywritesstuff @enchantedbytomandhenry @scribbuluswrites @dangerouspursepeachbear @buendiabebeta @ferrarifwendvale @theplobnrgone @charlesleclercje @queenslife @panicforspec @justme2042 @liv67 @derpinathebrave @clcspeonies @pleasantducktimetravel @raaaaabzzz @mehrmonga @sbgal @fangirl-lb @pitconfirmbutton @oslokij @tall-tanned-tattoo @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @pumpkin-spice-hate @talicat713 @band--psycho @little-diable @i-love-scott-mccall @fourthwallhateclub @theysayitscrazy @rosieposie0624 @choochoo284 @meteora-fc @beeroses @darklydeliciousdesires @the-jer-bear @extraneousred @youflickedtooharddamnit @babypink224221

[krnsluvvie]

love at first, love at second, love at last

veinticinco: finalmente, tuyx (wc: 2,2k)

SUMMARY: sae had chosen his career and that was shortly followed by his and y/n's separation. three years pass by and amongst all the lurking and stalking each other's socials, sae is suddenly found back in their hometown. old feelings are resurfaced, current ones are questioned and a whole load of future ones are found in a blur.

veinticuatro | masterlist |

Your results have come out and you were sitting cross-legged in your room, shaking with fear and anticipation. To say you've been on edge would only be an understatement; both Isagi and Kurona knew they would be getting dealt with the Devil reincarnated himself and thus, actively avoided you. You closed your eyes then as you rubbed your temples, seeing them turn around the corner, I can't really blame them. 

You keep opening and closing the laptop as if that would help you with your current predicament. It's been done with, what else do you have left? You either face it and take it like a real alpha that you are or you end up crying about it to your friends–as if they haven't been dealing with… everything you've served them. Willingly or unwillingly.

Your phone dings and you check the sender: Sae. With a silly smiley face.

After the grand revelation, you couldn't help but think about how repressive you were regarding your feelings. That explained your random outbursts and terrible mood swings. You really just had to come clean with it. To yourself.

how did you do?

The text is how it usually is. All lowercase, sounding anything but interested. You swallow down the lump that starts to create in your throat and start typing.

haven't checked them yet

You throw your phone back on the bed as you face your laptop. The worst thing is repeating a year. You mumble this under your breath while typing the website into the browser. It soon becomes a mantra–to redirect your mind elsewhere, to have your mind preoccupied.

The screen turns momentarily white after you finish logging in. Relief washes over you but it gets cut rather short when your face pales upon seeing the loading sign appear. Your eyes don't look away in time as they zero in on the percentage. You knew when you saw it but was curious to see the details. Maths got you real fucked up but hey, no more seeing any of that after all of this. 

You send an all-caps message into your group chat, announce it anywhere and everywhere possible.

congrats

Sae's message reads. You frown a little because looking back, you did freak out about this to him. Unpleasant memories flood your mind and your cheeks heat up. Right, it's just a graduation, why were you pissing yourself every time someone mentioned it? You physically cringe at just revisiting all of the instances.

You send him your thanks in the most nonchalant way possible (you ended up with a lame “thx”) but hey, if you truly squint, the communication has gotten better. The bare minimum is being barely met but you don't expect much from the Japan prodigy to begin with.

You get up and stretch a little before letting your body drop on the bed. You loosen your body and close your eyes. You were incredibly happy; it was beyond words.

━━━━━━━━━━━━

After the formal part ends, you get off the stage, meeting with your friends and family. Your parents look at you somewhat proudly and you give them a small smile–a little mocking as you could never forget their nagging and how “with this attitude, you will barely graduate”. It stung but you got over it quickly. The way their heads drop, you can tell that they might feel some regret, too. They point towards the exit and mumble “have fun”. You nod and get back to talking to your classmates, friends, teachers. This is a special day, after all.

“Would you look at that? You getting a diploma?” Isagi approaches you along with Kurona who's holding a small bouquet of various flowers. 

Kurona catches your gaze and you can feel the remark that threatens to leave his mouth but he holds himself back. “We are expecting you to do more for us.” And he hands it to you, all toothy.

You almost grab it. “I knew you guys would never stab me in the back.” The flowers look a little wilted but you don't expect much from a pair of football-obsessed high school freaks. 

“Thanks, you two. Don't worry too much–”

“Where's Y/N!” A voice resounds throughout the gymnasium. It's already teeming with sweaty bodies, loud, and someone has so much time on their hands that–

“Here you are!” 

There's Shidou standing before you, next to Isagi and Kurona. He's holding a box of chocolates with the most devious smile. You raise your eyebrow as you subconsciously grip the tube with your graduation certificate in it. No one dares speak a word. And you notice it isn't just you or your friends. The whole hall ceases all their activities, it becomes deafeningly silent that even a drop of a pin could be heard.

“Continue!” Shidou yells and the rest continues as if he was a person of authority. The look on his face is tell-tale enough. 

“I'm sure they have just never seen that ugly ass hair combo, my friend.” Oliver emerges from behind them and waves at you. You're frozen and rendered speechless. You blink once, twice. Why is everyone here? Everyone but … Sae?

“Don't call me that,” Shidou swats the hand from his shoulder and he fixes his look on you.

Your peripheral gaze locks on the two guys that you surely believed would never stab your back. Explain.

“I only invited Oliver, I don't know what he's doing here.”

“Yeah, my bad, it was me. Figured you'd want this to be more lively.”

You intake a sharp breath. Before you can stop yourself, you blurt out, “Why are you even here. Is this a substitution for Sae?”

The others look at you like you're the seventh wonder of the world. You would do the same in their shoes, let's be real. But for the sake of your dignity, you avoid their piercing gazes as you look around the gym. So spacious! And it fits so many people!

“Actually,” Shidou comes closer as he hands you the chocolates. “Yeah, we are. Sae-chan said he couldn't attend. But he said that he's so proud of you and that he misses–”

A new person enters the discussion as he kicks Shidou in the back of his knees.

“My bad.” Sae mumbles as he regards you with a nod. 

He's in all black, and has a cap that covers his face when he looks down.

“The fuck was that for?!”

“You're seriously not asking that, are you?” Oliver crosses his arms as he tries his best not to erupt in laughter. “Ahh, isn't it just so fun in here?”

“You guys are just loud.” you say. It feels as if it's been years since you last talked, your voice sounding raspy doesn't help it, either.

Oliver not so subtly ignores you as he says, “Sae drove us here. He got here late because he was trying to find a parking spot, isn't it right, Prodigy-chan?”

“I could have said that myself.” Sae deadpans.

You, Isagi and Kurona exchange glances. 

I'm sorry… Sowwy

Isagi puts his hands up in a prayer as if you'd accept his apology this way. You mouth, Buy Me a Congratulatory Meal And Then We're Even-all emphasized–and he has no choice but to reluctantly nod. A smile snakes its way onto your face.

Isagi also catches the way you keep throwing glances Sae's way and drags the rest to the side. Some of your classmates have recognized Oliver and came up to him to talk. 

Now it's just the two of you. 

The bustling and chaos around you does little to help you alleviate your mind. You knew there were a lot of things between you and him unsaid and this place, now, was a godsend opportunity.

“You got the chocolates?” Sae asks out of nowhere and you're almost forced to look at him. 

“Huh?” Huh? WEAK. “I don't know what you're talking about.” As you say this, Shidou comes sprinting towards you, the chocolate box already in shambles. “Sorry,” he says almost unapologetically as he points towards the crowd, enjoying your supposed chocolate.

“I guess not.” He takes the box from your hand and you both notice there's only one piece left. “You take it.” You blurt out.

Sae doesn't say anything as he indeed takes the last piece and pops it into his mouth. 

“Can I take a look at your diploma?” he asks out of the blue and for some reason you comply. You hand the tube to him and watch as he carefully takes the document into his calloused hands. You don't think you could stand there idly, doing nothing, anymore so to plan your escape, you scan the area and the best case scenario would be just… turning around, leaving him behind.

You had manners, though, and this childish game wasn't going to cut it anymore. As you turn to look at him and tell him you will go back to Isagi and Kurona, he grabs your shoulder and leans down. Sae uses the diploma to shield both of your faces as he slightly leans down and kisses you on the lips.

You feel something probing on your lips and your body reacts way faster than your mind and you let him in. His tongue swirls and that one piece of chocolate lands in your mouth.

He slowly pulls away but you latch onto him, not backing down. 

Your façade has been long debunked and you knew Sae was aware. Probably had been for some time now with how confidently he invited himself into your mouth.

You pull away and he looks at you amusingly. “What, want more?”

Your face is burning with crimson and you still have some half-decentness in you left that you cover your mouth with the back of your hand. What the fuck was that.

“Gahhh, that was tiring.” Shidou comes back, arms stretching over his head. 

“No one even knew you.” Oliver deadpans.

“I was literally the talk.”

“You were the guy that Itoshi Sae tossed to.”

“Multiple times, if you will.”

“You know what, nevermind.”

“Oh, you two.” Shidou changes the topic as swiftly as he usually does. “Why are you holding their grad certificate?”

“Was curious.” Sae's answer comes fast and almost calculated. He returns it to you.

“Okay.” Shidou eyes both of you. “The kids are going home 'cause practice, school, so it's just us left.”

Oliver adds, “We should go celebrate.”

“Why are you so red?” Shidou turns to you. “Did somethin' happen?”

“I am fine, you guys go ahead. I will go talk to my teachers before I leave.”

“I will go talk to them, too. Haven't updated them in a while.” Sae says.

Oliver and Shidou exchange fully knowing glances. “Alright, you know where you parked your car. We will wait there.. after we find it.”

Sae nods and the two of them leave with a mischievous glint in their eyes.

“You wanna tell me something?” Sae asks and it takes you a while to realize that he's talking to you.

“Me? I don't think so. Maybe you have something to tell me?” You say, inwardly cringing at how it ended up sounding despite all your nonexistent efforts. 

“Well, I'll go talk to them if you don't mind–”

“Sae,” you exhale. It feels like the more you call out to him, the more free you feel and the more true you're staying to yourself.

He turns to look at you and you hate being scrutinized over. Yet…you gather all your courage and say, unfiltered, “I like you.”

Sae's lips quirk in a small smile. A minute passes. Or maybe a second. You don't know because it feels too long until he responds.

“I know.”

You raise your eyebrows. “Actually–”

Sae chuckles and gets closer and you actively notice you don't mind it. At all. “I like you, too. I have for a while. A long while.”

You look at him and you notice that he's really grown now. He wasn't the boy you once dated and…  almost loved. Though, the personality stayed the same still, but you believe it is a part of the Itoshi appeal.

His hair is longer, his features got sharper and you can only hope that you feeling he has gotten mellower is also right.

“I don't think I ever stopped.”

Your heart starts beating faster. It accelerates with every passing second and you feel like passing out. You also never thought you'd find yourself near him again, let alone like him and be in each other's proximity. Just like before. 

“Aren't you such a romantic?” Your voice comes out meek. But you know that it isn't any sign of weakness.

“Let's go talk to the teachers,” you lay out your hand to him, “I'm sure they missed seeing their favorite sports player.”

He scoffs but takes your hand nonetheless.

That in itself was an answer you both wanted. Neither of you was a fan of words and it manifested itself in this form of a relationship. In the end, words never conveyed as much as actions did.

They truly never did.

a/n: FUCKING FINALLY!!!! i cant say im totally happy with how i managed the series and how it flowed overall (severe burnout from the constant posting in the beginning (sprinkle some life things that contributed to the plot that i call my life) that i had to sit down and breathe). thank you to everyone who stuck around despite everything, im eternally grateful. if you have any questions, send an ask and ill answer!! until then <3!!!

tag list: @kiopanxp @funtuki @silly-ez @asteroskoniiii @keijiqahara @pikibee @tamimemo @kaitfae @biaonww @y-sabell-a @kaiserkisser @winterpein @bloombb @yyoichisgirl @rifran

[loveinsprings]

seasons- part 1

pairing: enzo vogrincic x f!reader

warnings: none

genre: angst-ish

notes: (1) this is my first story ever, so it might not be that good, comments and opinions are welcomed (2) the story will have three parts, this works more as a intro (3) it was inspired by my favorite wave to earth song seasons

______________________________________________________________

I can’t be your love… Look it’s too trivial for you now 

She sits in the restaurant’s terrace eating her meal in silence, her eyes focused on her phone’s screen. She reads the article carefully time and time again and takes a couple of screenshots of the parts she finds interesting. She smiles and takes a sip of her beer, the response to the movie is great, she had suspected it would be good, the director and production behind it had made great films before, how could this one fail?

She opens X and searches his name again. She always feels slightly guilty while doing this, as if she’s stalking someone, but she still goes ahead and does it. People love him, and how could they not? For the eight years that she knows Enzo she knows that he’s one of a kind, someone special. He’s kind, intelligent, talented, and obviously, attractive, of course people would love him. Her friend had worked hard all these years, and while it makes sense that he gets the recognition he deserves, the way that the film-and his popularity-have exploded almost globally shocks her a little bit.

Her heart beats a little faster in an uneasy way. She takes another sip of her drink, trying to wash those feelings away. She’s happy for her friend, she’s proud. But this weird feeling keeps popping out of her heart and flooding her veins. Uneasiness, fear, confusion. She doesn’t know how things will work out. How their friendship will work out. How her feelings will work out.

She focuses on her food, it’s useless to overthink about things that haven’t happened yet, and after all, everything will turn out well for him; and she’s his friend, she will be happy for him, she’ll be by his side cheering him on his next big steps. How could she feel upset even for a bit? When everything is going so well?

Her phone’s screen lights up, it’s a message from him, he’s asking her what are her plans for next Monday, maybe she would like to go for coffee in the afternoon? After checking her calendar she quickly answers him, of course she can go for coffee, she doesn’t tell him that she’ll have to work late into Sunday evening to be able to meet a work deadline. He doesn’t need to know, it’s a trivial thing really, besides she really needs to take a break from work, and hanging out with one of best friends will help her relax.

She schedules their meeting in her calendar after she finishes her meal, and quickly writes a text to him asking him how everything’s going, he replies saying he’s super busy, but that everything’s well, he’s surprised that new appointments are being made, events are being programmed for the next couple of months at least. ‘It’s Netflix, what did you expect?’. He just laughs at her response.

While she walks back to her apartment she reminds herself that she’ll take a break from her phone, she hasn’t done much reading these days. She also reminds herself that she can’t keep going on like this, checking stuff related to him so frequently. It’s not good, she tells herself, ‘I’ve been here before, it’s no use to get hung up on him again’. She looks at her reflection on a shop’s window, ‘You made a choice all those years back-she tells herself-no one forced you, and now, for your own well being, you have to look after yourself and don’t get your feelings tangled’.

As cliche as it sounds she fell in love with her friend and of course she didn’t tell him. She won’t be telling him any time soon anyways. She finds it ridiculous, how could she end up in a situation like this? She often feels guilty, how could she call herself his friend when she has all these feelings inside of her? And that’s why she made a choice, she would be just his friend, never tell him her feelings, don’t take things too far, and don't play silly games around him.

She arrives at her place, takes off her boots and quickly takes a shower. While shampooing her hair she tells herself that it wasn’t a hard choice, it wasn’t hard at all. Years ago, when she told Silvia, her best friend, that she had, sort of, fallen in love with Enzo, and that she wouldn’t not tell him, her friend asked her if she was afraid that “it would ruin their friendship”. Her best friend wanted to argue that it was worth a shot, she had feelings for him, and if he rejected her, she could move on. She laughed, Silvia looked confused at her, she said ��look, I did this for me, not him’. 

Contrary to the cliche “I’m afraid that it would ruin our friendship, that’s why I kept my feelings for myself”, Y/N had decided to not act on her feelings because she felt that there were many things in her life that she needed to work on. At the time she felt like she was an incomplete person, and she honestly couldn’t say that her lover would be ‘her other half’. She had to have her other parts together, she had to be able to assemble all her pieces, by herself. What good would come out if she confessed her feelings to him? She felt that her insecurities would be a burden, her short temper could be hurtful, her clinginess could be a bother. She had more problems than she could count. She could end up dragging him with her instead of finding a solution.

She doesn’t pity herself, and even though it can be hard sometimes she chose to be just his friend. But, she had learned to move on with her life. She had gone on dates, she had had brief relationships with other guys. She couldn’t deny her feelings existed, nestled in her heart, sometimes they were more present, like a wind chime on an open window, tingling softly whenever the breeze hit them. Sometimes it felt like they were hidden, and the only way she could reach them was on sleepless nights when she focused on their memories together. 

She had been going through the pages of her book slowly, she was actually enjoying it. Her wet hair making a damp patch on her back, the soft hum of the air con creating a soft relaxing sound, when another notification came on her phone. He had sent her a picture he took that day when he managed to go out for a bit. She jokingly told him that she was shocked that he could be a good photographer, ‘if by any chance you can’t find work as an actor, you could do this for real’ she wrote. He sent her a laughing emoji and asked her if she was busy, if she could talk for a bit.

She laid on her couch and dialed his number before he could beat her to it. It only took him a couple of seconds to answer ‘hi Y/N, how was today?’ She laughed, he sounded tired, he had never done promotions for such a big project, he was exhausted by all the things that were happening. ‘Hope you don’t forget to drink water and eat properly these days’, she told him, she didn’t think it was necessary to answer his question. She preferred to focus the conversation on him, whether she would tell herself that if she ignored her problems she wouldn’t need to deal with them, and that her friend had more important things going on. 

They fell into a conversation quickly, he was tired, he felt like he needed to prepare himself better for interviews, with the popularity of the film he got more and more requests for them and he kept doubting if he was doing well. At the same time he found it amusing how things had gone so far. He genuinely hadn’t predicted that people would be so hooked on the film, he felt like he was part of a boyband. Throughout the conversation she keeps making jokes about all of this, she knows he has lots of things in his mind and she’s trying to keep things light.

He sighs, she changes her phone from her left hand to her right one, and sees that they’ve been talking for more than forty minutes. At that moment he tells her ‘Everything is so easy with you, it’s not like I won’t stop thinking about these things, but whenever I talk with you, everything seems more simple, thanks, I know I’m lucky to have you as my friend’

‘Yeah, I know, we’re lucky to have each other’s back… to be friends’

[multi-fandom-of-madness]

Rained Out

Pairings: Rain X Mountain

Type: Fluff

Summary: Rain doesn’t show up to his weekly picnic date with Mountain, and Mountain comes to find out why.

Warnings: Vomiting, being sick, nudity (non-sexual)

Word Count: 727

Notes: Read here on ao3.

~

Mountain was starting to get worried. He had been waiting in the gardens for almost an hour waiting for Rain. There was a small spot by a pond where they had their weekly picnic. It wasn’t like Rain to forget or not send a text saying he’d be late.

Mountain decided to wait in case Rain got caught up in chores, but then he noticed the dark clouds rolling in. He sighed and gave up, texting Rain to tell him that he was going in and maybe they could move their date to one of their rooms. Still no response from the water ghoul.

He went back toward the ghoul den, seeing everyone lounging about as water began to fall from the clouds. “Has anyone seen Rain?” He asked, setting the picnic basket on a nearby table.

“He wasn’t with you? Didn’t you two have your cheesy little picnic?” Swiss replied, arm wrapped around a purring Phantom.

“He didn’t show up. I haven’t seen him all day,” Mountain frowned.

“Maybe go check if he’s in his room.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll be back.” Mountain sighed and started to walk down the hall toward where Rain’s room was. There was no noise coming from behind the door. No sign of life. With a concerned expression, he pushed open the door.

Mountain was immediately hit with a sour scent mingling with Rain’s own, yet the water ghoul was nowhere to be found. “Rain? Are you in here?”

He heard shuffling in the bathroom, then the noise of someone retching and gagging. Mountain immediately shoved the bathroom door open to see Rain, shaking, sweating, and vomiting.

“G-go away,” Rain said when he finally stopped hurling. His voice sounded shaky and there were tears streaming down his face.

Despite his protests, Mountain knelt beside him, wiping away some tears. “Why didn’t you tell me you were sick, Waterlily?”

Rain pouted and looked down. “Didn’t want you to see me like this.”

“I don’t mind that you’re sick. I would have been there to help you,” Mountain sighed, pulling Rain into a hug. A concerning warmth flooded into Mountain’s skin as he made contact. That kind of temperature was expected from Dewdrop or Swiss, but Rain was almost always cold. “Oh, baby, you’re burning up,” Mountain said as he stroked Rain’s hair.

Rain shuddered as he cried before pulling away to throw up once more. Mountain held his hair back, a worried expression plastered on his face as he rubbed the smaller ghoul’s back.

Rain leaned against the wall once he was done, chest heaving with an exhausted expression on his face. “I’m sorry,” he croaked out as Mountain wiped off his mouth with a wad of toilet paper.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“I ruined our picnic and now you’re watching me puke my brains out.”

“Well first, you didn’t ‘ruin’ anything,” Mountain protested, standing to start up a bath. “Second, I’m taking care of you. You’re sick, and I love you too much to let you suffer on your own.”

Rain looked away, almost sad, before leaning over the toilet, dry heaving as his stomach protested his every move.

Mountain was right there, pressing a cool, damp, wash cloth to his neck as he watched Rain continuously gag. Rain sobbed as he stopped, though he stayed with his face over the toilet, fearing that it wasn’t over yet. Mountain just continued to comfort him.

“Do you want to get in the bath now? I have it decently cool, so we can try and get that fever down,” Mountain suggested, tying Rain’s hair in a small pony tail to keep it out of his face. Rain nodded, then let Mountain undress him. “Do you want me in the bath with you, or not?”

“I’ll get you sick.”

“I didn’t ask that, Raincloud. Do you want me to sit with you?”

Another nod. Mountain undressed, then lifted Rain and carried him into the tub. Mountain sat behind him, holding the small ghoul against him as he whimpered in discomfort, pressing a kiss between his horns and resting his cheek against his hair. “I’ve got you, Waterlily. After this I can make you some tea and soup if you’d like.”

Rain shakes his head. “Stay with me. Someone else can do it,” he mumbles, exhaustion setting in.

“Anything for you, Waterlily.”

[raindownforme]

Hi! I was wondering if you could do a Ted Nivison x reader where they just spend the day at home together and reader forgets that Ted was about to stream and walks into his room to hang out, but they hadn't announced their relationship publicly yet. Just all together lots of fluffy shit LMAO. Oh also could you use they/ them pronouns if it's not too much of a bother? Thank you lovely <3 /p

Accidental

Ted x reader (they/them)

The room was quiet aside from Ted. He had spent the last few minutes clicking around his monitor set up, launching the right games, making sure his camera was on and working, and that his mic was picking up sound correctly. It was almost ready for him to fully stream, except for one thing.

Ted pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and unlocked the device, searching through for his most recent text chain with his lover, y/n. No one outside of a specific few knew Ted was even dating someone, much less his entire fan base. And with how rarely Ted streamed? Him and y/n had both agreed long ago that if y/n was ever going to appear on stream, it wasn’t going to be for a while.

Ted typed quickly into the text bar, telling y/n he was going to start streaming momentarily. They were at the grocery store right now, and most likely wouldn’t see the text until they got in the car, but it was still better than leaving them unaware.

With the text sent, Ted turned full attention back to the monitors and began the stream, allowing Twitch to fully take in his face. Ted smiled as he watched the chat fill in, flooding the side of his live screen.

“Hi guys! Look at all of you.” Some familiar user names filled in as well. Ted leaned back in his chair a bit and stared into the camera, creating eye contact with the thousands of people watching. “Welcome to shit show.”

In the span of almost three seconds, Ted heard the front door fly open and shut, and someone run down the hall to the room he was streaming in. Ted meant to stand up and check the door, maybe mute his mic or turn his camera off, something. But too fast, y/n burst through the door and jumped into his lap, wrapping their arms around him and giggling into his ear.

“Ted. Help me with groceries.”

Ted glanced over their shoulder nervously, watching as the chat moved even faster. “I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

“Oh what?”

“Wait no-“

y/n looked back to see the recording set up on Ted’s monitors. “Oh cool what game are you recording. Minecraft? Or is it more Fiver stuff?”

“No. I’m not recording.”

“Then what are you—? Oh. Oh no.” y/n turned back to Ted with the realization washing over their face. “You’re live. You didn’t tell me! Oh god how long have you been live for.”

“Only a few minutes. I texted you!”

“Obviously not.” y/n snatched Ted’s phone off the desk and searched through his recent texts. They pulled up their most recent messages with him, noting that he had fully typed out the message without sending it.

“Shit. I’m sorry.” Ted glanced back to the monitors. “Well. Either you can sneak out or say hi.”

“I think sneak. I still have groceries in the car.”

“Okay. See you later.” Ted kissed y/n on the cheek as they snuck off of Ted’s lap and out of frame. Ted watched them walk away and then turned back to read the chat. Ted tracked y/n with his eyes as they shut the door, then turned back to his live chat.

“I can explain myself.” Ted watched the donations cue fill with messages, and thankfully his mods held them back. “That was my partner. They… yeah. That’s y/n.” Ted watched more messages go by. “No— no you can’t have y/n. They are mine, thank you. No you can’t their number either! Or their snap! Guys-“ Ted chuckled to himself, rubbing his forehead with his hands. “I understand you’re upset, and I’ll formally introduce them later. Guys!”

y/n listened from the other side of the door. They leaned against the frame, stifling laughs into their hand. Hearing Ted try and calm his audience was hilarious. They sank further against the door, devolving into giggles.

y/n fell back against the hardwood floors as the door opened. Ted stood over y/n lying on the floor, smiling down at them. “What’s going on over here?”

“Are you still live?” y/n spoke in a hushed manner.

“No. I left.”

“Okay. Well I’m bullying you.”

“Ugh. Loser activity.”

“Loser activity? I just bought your groceries!”

“Our groceries.“

“Whatever. I guess I’ll just return them.”

“No wait-“ Ted laughed as y/n got up, him wrapping them in his arms and pulling close. “I’m joking.”

“I know I know.” y/n accepted the embrace, leaning back into him. “I didn’t mean to mess up your stream.”

“It’s fine. It was bound to happen at some point.”

y/n chewed at the side of their mouth. “Is your fan base upset?”

“Very. They want to take you from me.”

“I’ll let them if they help me take in the groceries.”

“They did ask me for your number.”

“I’ll give it to them.” y/n shrugged. “Maybe then someone will help me take in the groceries.”

“I was gonna help you bring them in!”

“No. You’re taking to long.” y/n wriggled around in Ted’s arms, pushing him off until they were able to walk down the hall. Ted followed dote-fully behind, watching as y/n went to open the front door and retrieve the groceries.

[3terna15unshin3]

Then Because She Goes

You fracture light again (Ooh), I love you, oh, love you

★ Chapter 10 of 15, 5233 words

★ Matty Healy x Original Female Character

★ warnings: !!! mature content, minors please do not interact !!!, smut, oral (male receiving), alcohol consumption

<< 9

24 May, 2019

Middlesbrough Station was one that Este couldn't ever imagine herself needing to pass through. But, Radio 1 Big Weekend being held at Stewart Park that year gave her a reason.

She had originally planned on only coming in for their set on Sunday night and spending it there with Matty. But, he pointed out that they didn't have any commitments on the first two days of the festival, suggesting she come on the 24th and stay with them for three nights instead. Though eager to see him again and in favour of the idea, Este was paranoid of intruding or distracting him from work. So, she humbly attempted to deny taking up too much of his time off and persisted with her former plan.

Of course, Matty refused to let her say no. He was offering, after all, and wanted to see her—a bit confused that it seemed like she was turning him down. But, after Este insisted that she was just trying to allow him the rest he deserved after a crazy couple of months (and agreed to take the train in on Friday morning), he felt better.

It's bold of you to assume I can manage us being in the same country for the first time in months and be able to keep my hands off you, read a text from him when the plans got straightened out and she made her way from her flat to Manchester Victoria. His words made her cheeks flushed in the already warm May weather.

She wheeled a small suitcase through the station and eventually got to her seat on the train. The almost three-hour long ride ahead of her consisted of Este dozing in and out of sleep and listening to the small selection of music she had downloaded on Spotify. Towards the end of her journey, her bladder begged a trip to the cramped toilets to relieve the wee she'd been holding.

Este washed her hands thoroughly after flushing and assessed herself in the mirror. The dilemma of wanting to dress comfortably for the multiple hours sat in a train seat—but also knowing Matty would be picking her up once she reached Middlesbrough—kept her mind busy when getting ready that morning. Ultimately, she decided on dressing up. Silver buttons ran down the centre of her 70s-esque denim jumper dress. Paired with white socks and burgundy loafers around her feet, the outfit was classy. Professional, even. But, the garment hugging her waist tightly, its v-cut neckline, and the sight of her tan legs on display still made Matty's breath quicken when he opened a photo that showed up in his notification centre from Este.

Flipping him off to avoid being too serious, the picture somehow captured her full body in the small toilet mirror. Her back camera pointed at it, phone gripped in hand, posing with her weight leaning on one hip. She stuck her tongue out playfully and squeezed an eye shut to wink at her reflection. The message that accompanied the impromptu mirror selfie read, I'll be yours in 20 x, heightening Matty's excitement even more. Good god, he replied shortly and simply.

With her knee bouncing up and down with anticipation, the train finally slowed to a stop to bring her into the unfamiliar town. She gathered her things and hurriedly stepped onto the Middlesbrough platform, scanning for a rogue Matty Healy within the fairly busy station. He watched the flood of people surround Este, who he caught sight of right away, and saw her brows furrow and eyes squint to look for him. The couple of seconds it took before she recognised Matty made him chuckle.

"Matty!" she exclaimed when her eyes finally locked with his.

Speed-walking over and almost tripping a teenage boy with her rolling luggage dragging behind her, Este forcefully wrapped her arms around him. He hugged back tightly. She smelled exactly the way Matty remembered. Sunglasses covered his eyes and a hat was atop the curly brunette mess on his head, but neither could hide the ecstatic expression his face displayed.

"Can I kiss you?" he whispered.

"Please," Este agreed, pulling away from their embrace and planting her lips on his.

They melted into this kiss as the months of yearning came to a close. Este smiled against his mouth. It was easy to underestimate how much they missed each other until what they'd missed so much was right in front of them again. Matty moved his hand from her waist up to her face, cupping it gently and running his thumb over her skin a couple of times as they broke apart and studied each other's faces.

It seemed like she'd gotten a haircut. The layers fell shorter and there were more of them. There was dark powder smudged right above her eyelashes and her lips tasted like mint with a pinkier appearance.

"You look breathtaking," Matty muttered, looking her up and down. "Did you dress up all nice just for me?"

Este hid her face in his neck, embarrassed to know that she did spend extra time on her hair and makeup and did take shockingly long to decide on an outfit.

A car was waiting for them and they walked hand-in-hand to it. Matty rolled her luggage for her, placing it in the boot, but stopped her when she reached for the handle to get in. "He's just going to take your bag to the hotel. We're gonna walk." he interjected.

"Oh, okay." Este replied, agreeing to his instruction but confused and backing away from the vehicle. "Why?"

The hint of suspicion in her voice made Matty laugh. "I'm taking you out first."

She raised her eyebrows and smiled. "Are you?"

"I mean, yes, but don't get your hopes up too high. It's nothing special—I just found a couple of shops that look cool and a cafe I think you'd like," he explained, taking her hand back into his and guiding her to start walking down the pavement.

Este shook her head at the fact that he was downplaying his efforts. "That sounds lovely."

He just smiled and hummed in fondness as they made their way to the first stop Matty had in mind. Their feet stepped in unison and the conversation filling the air was simple. With their frequent communication, not much catching up was needed to be done. But, because of the time they spent across the globe from one another, both craved the warmth of the other's skin. Out of comfort. Longing. When Este's hand wandered away to point at something in a shop window or scratch a tickle on her chin, it always migrated back to him.

A Bad Neighbour Records approached on their left after a few short minutes. "Down for some sifting?" asked Matty, coming to a stop and forcing her to as well.

"Always."

He stepped in after her and nodded to the worker who gave him a smile as they entered. Este let go of the couple of Matty's fingers she had linked with her pinky to begin flipping through by the first crate she was faced with. "Are you on the lookout for anything specific?" she wondered aloud.

"I might just buy a couple that I haven't heard of to be spontaneous, or something."

"You can't plan to be spontaneous. That's sort of the whole thing about spontaneity,"

"Shut up," Matty chuckled in defeat, moving on to the next crate. He began with the ones opposite from her, so he shuffled to his right and Este to her left, face-to-face with one another. "Is there any vinyl you've been wanting?"

She pulled a record out, flipping it to read the track listing on the back, only to drop it into the place she found it once again. Not that one, thought Este. "There's this album called Stranger In The Alps that would be lovely to own. By Phoebe Bridgers. I feel like it has the perfect sound to spin in late-spring, you know? So I've been thinking about that a lot."

"I keep forgetting you're a Phoebe Bridgers fan,"

"Duh. Are you?" Este innocently wondered.

Chuckling, Matty nodded his head. "Yeah, I am." he admitted and stepped to his right again, continuing to flip. "She's done some BV's for the new album, actually. Had her in the studio when we were in LA—she's a good friend of mine,"

Her eyes caught his immediately. "You're joking."

He laughed and apologised for never mentioning it, while walking around to her side of the product. A few clicks on his phone files led him to what he was looking for. Grabbing the airpods that sat in his front pocket, he stuck one into his ear and then offered the other to Este. "Want to hear some of it?"

She nodded eagerly, starting to hear the gentle acoustic guitar. "What's this one called?"

"Doesn't have a real name yet. The file's titled 'Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America', but that's probably temporary, I suppose. Phoebe actually sang an entire verse, if you want to listen." he suggested, skipping forward by dragging his thumb along the playback line.

An expression of pure bliss struck her face. She held eye contact with him as the chorus came back around and his voice could be heard below Phoebe's. It was simple, but poignant. She found herself without anything worthy of saying to follow it once the volume faded out.

"Este? Good? Bad? Worst thing you've ever heard?"

Grabbing the airpod from her ear, she handed it to him to return it to its case. "God, I love her." It was all she could fathom to comment on.

"That's all you have to say? No 'Wow, you're a songwriting genius! Your new album will be the best one ever created!' or anything?" Matty complained sarcastically. "Also, it won't be out for a while. So keep quiet."

"I compliment your songwriting enough. You're no Phoebe," argued Este, "And sure. It'll be my dirtiest secret."

They continued down the line of crates, pulling LPs one-by-one and showing them to one another. Some serious, some as jokes—like when Este lifted a copy of I like it when you sleep to tease Matty about it. They both had a couple wedged under their arms to consider buying.

Once in a while, they'd converge and flip through crates side by side, shoulders brushing together. Este would move to the next and snake her arm around Matty's lower back as she passed him. He'd catch her hand on the other side and squeeze it before she let go to get back to digging for more titles.

A canvas tote bag that carried Este's usual essentials was now stuffed with five vinyl. Two for her, three for him. When their feet hit the pavement once again, he brought up a nearby cafe.

"I think there's a cafe a few minutes down the road. Off The Ground Coffee, or something like that. Want to stop for a drink?" Matty asked, offering to carry the contents that tugged at Este's shoulder. She politely declined to hand it over and kept hold of it, but grinned at his chivalry.

"You say 'I think' as if you haven't fully planned this out. Like, I bet 'good coffee shops by Middlesbrough Station' is in your Google search history," Este teased. "But of course. Coffee sounds great."

"I hate how well you know me."

-

Matty sipped on a steaming flat white and Este an iced latte, both sitting at a quaint two-person table amidst the lunch hustle and bustle of Off The Ground on a Friday afternoon. They shared an almond croissant between the two of them and took turns taking bites.

"It's mainly just to track what you read. But, some of my favourite features are that you can rate and review them, and set a reading goal for how many books you want to read in a year. And see what your friends are reading. It gives you recommendations based on what you log, as well. I don't know, maybe it's lame." Este attempted to explain the purpose of using Goodreads, frustrated that his boyish Aries mind couldn't understand why she went through the extra effort to keep track of something physical within an app.

"I'm not saying it's lame, I've just never heard of anything like it before." Matty chuckled, swallowing his mouthful of pastry. "Can I see what it's like?"

She swiped through the organised home pages of her phone and opened the app, sliding it over on the table to let him see. Matty stared down in curiosity and used his finger to navigate its interface.

"This seems quite convenient, honestly. I see why you'd want to use it." he admitted, scrolling through the books she had virtually shelved. "Reviews?"

An internal panic set in as the idea of him reading her unnecessarily formal write-ups she sometimes inserted under the books she felt passionately about. Please don't read them.

"Oh, those are just—"

"Wow." he interrupted. "You weren't joking about reviewing being a favourite feature of yours,"

"I sort of just chat shit. After I finish something, the emotions are usually right at the surface, so it's easy for me to ramble and just spill whatever I feel at that moment into the text box," defended Este, horrified that she could see Matty opening and closing a few of them to scan through. She watched his eyes dart back and forth across the words.

A subtle smile sat on his face. "This isn't chatting shit," Matty decided. "These are like real, actual, meaningful reviews. Good ones. You're good at this."

The compliment encouraged her to take a gulp of her drink and finish the last chunk of croissant to avoid having to receive it well.

"I went to uni for it, sort of. So I'd hope they aren't bad," She laughed nervously.

Matty's eyebrows furrowed. "You went to uni for book reviewing?"

"Honours BA in Multimedia Journalism," Este clarified, "at Manchester Metropolitan."

"Why have I never known what you studied in school? I always assumed it would be English, or something snobby like that. So I wasn't too far off,"

"Dunno, just never thought to tell you." She shrugged. "Nothing wrong with a bit of snobbiness."

"Now I understand why I'd read the Bible if you recommended it to me. They should pay you for these," He shook his head, bewildered at the new information before passing the phone back to her. "Were you ever in that field professionally? Or ever thought about using your degree?”

Este thought about her answer. "I did some internships after graduating. Just never turned into anything livable. And Sam—being the businessman he is—with all of his investments and the property he owns, pays well. Greenhouse kept that passion for literature around and made me happy, and I think a quiet and mundane life was less scary at the time, so I stuck with it." She explained. "I do occasionally dream about writing for big media publications or something fancy like that, but I imagine it would be difficult to try and get back into it now."

"It's never too late to start something new, E. But I'm glad you're happy at the shop. You seem at home there." The last drop of Matty's coffee tipped back into his mouth. "Plus, you're helping fulfil this whole librarian fantasy I've been dreaming—"

A kick to the shin shut him up quickly as he giggled at his own joke. Her hand raised to her face in embarrassment, but she fought a smile that begged to appear.

"You're not funny."

-

The car journey back to where Matty and the crew were staying was smooth and quick—and everyone was lovely. By the time they arrived, it was dinner time, so a few of them gathered in one of the bigger rooms they had booked to order room service.

"Sorry that this setting for dinner isn't very luxurious," George complained as he sat on the edge of one of the bright white beds. He twirled noodles from the creamy pasta covering his plate with a fork and shovelled some into his mouth.

Este laughed and dismissed his apology. "Please, don't worry. I don't really associate music festivals with 'luxury' anyway. It's more about running on one single meal the whole weekend and almost weeing yourself while waiting in an hour long portaloo queue,"

Agreeing, the room reminisced about their days as teens going to gigs. They were all much more hardcore than Este though, making fun of her when she claimed that one of the best ones she'd been to was a Fiona Apple show.

"Were you moshing at Fiona Apple?" Ross asked with a chuckle in his voice.

"Hey, Fiona Apple is a badass," she said, standing up for herself. "You lot just don't get it."

They went on to have a couple of glasses of wine while different members of the band and team dropped in and out for a drink, and continued their chat about live music and how excited everyone was to be back in the UK. Much to Este's dismay, Matty would be heading back to America as soon as he'd arrived home. A New York show was on their schedule for just three days after their Sunday Big Weekend set, so a flight overseas was their itinerary for Monday afternoon. Any of their remaining free time was reserved for writing, as they did have another album on the horizon. It was unfortunate, but inevitable.

Because of the brief moment they had available to them, they wasted barely any of it—so when the late evening approached after filling their stomachs with hotel food, Matty and Este marched back down the hall to his room. A slight buzz put a pep in their step, from the wine.

It was their first minute alone in hours and the previous had been spent out and about in town, so Matty took advantage of the sudden privacy. He swiped the Hilton keycard into his door and followed Este in once it flashed green.

"Lovely dress you've got, by the way. Don't know if I've mentioned it yet," he complimented, catching up to her and feeling the material near her hips between his fingers.

Este pushed closer to him, wanting to close the gap, but waiting. "Thanks, love." Her lips formed a smile as her eyes trailed over every detail on the skin of his face. The thin wrinkles next to his eyes appeared when he smiled back.

"Sort of want you to take it off, though."

"Be my guest," She pulled him in for a kiss, their first since the one short-lived within the train station, mouths open with hunger. Este's fingers sat where Matty loved them, running through his hair and caressing the delicate skin on his neck. The whisper she uttered into his ear instructing him to sit down made him shudder.

Breaking apart to let him take a seat on the edge of the bed, Matty looked up at Este who was still standing. His legs were spread and she stood between them, gazing back down at him as they breathed heavily. Her hand sat gently on the side of his face as he used his feverish ones to feel up and down the material the hugged her torso. When he got to the back, the zipper became undone, revealing her bare tan skin.

"You don't even know how many times I've thought about you like this while I was away,"

She let the denim fall to the carpet and climbed onto Matty's lap to straddle him. All four of their hands desperately tugged his shirt off. Their lips reconnected.

"Oh yeah?" she urged. A moan left his mouth at the suggestiveness in her voice. "When would you think about me?" Este asked the question with her lips against the skin on his neck.

He tilted his jaw away to give her more space, eyes closed in pleasure and mouth slightly agape. "When I was alone."

"Alone and doing what? Touching yourself?"

Matty bit his lip at the way she was egging him on. Pressure built in his pants as she shifted her hips and let them grind against him. Her lips back against his prevented him from answering coherently, so he nodded slowly.

She moved her hands from around his neck down to run over his bare chest and step off of his lap. It wasn't often that Este was this forward—but the months without him inspired the fire within her to bubble to the surface. Matty surely wasn't complaining. Eye contact was prolonged as he watched her kneel in front of him. Her gaze met his through her dark eyelashes.

"You're so gorgeous, down on your knees for me."

The fly of his trousers unzipped painfully slowly. Matty fell backwards onto his elbows, peering over his chest that heaved up and down at Este, who palmed him through his pants while planting kisses on his lower stomach.

He was already hard and hissed in pain when she pulled back the waistband of his white Calvin Kleins to take him in her hand. She let a drop of spit fall from her lips from above, and the two of them watched it land and allow her fist to move slickly over his length. Quiet whimpering could be heard from Matty. She clenched her thighs together at the sound.

"Do you want me to use my mouth?" Este asked, looking up innocently as if she wasn't speaking filth and driving him mad.

"Please," begged Matty, not able to form any other words with the pleasure of her stroking his cock overwhelming his conscience.

Finally, she slid her lips over him and used her tongue to swirl around the sensitive tip. His moans only got louder and more frenzied as Este took him in further. Matty swept the hair that fell forward back behind her head and held it in place for her. She hummed out a moan when he hit the back of her throat, its vibration bringing him to slightly push her head back down with the hand that gripped her hair. It was gentle, and turned Este on, so she moaned again.

His hips buckled upwards as he groaned out her name over and over with euphoria. Replacing her mouth with her hand for a split second, Este came up to take a breath and mutter words that almost made him finish on the spot.

"Are you gonna come in my mouth, baby?"

Face writhing in pain and gratification, Matty nodded. The action made a strand of hair flop forward and stick to his sweaty forehead. Her cheeks hollowed, taking him to her limit and tilting her head back so he could see her face while doing it. Este's hand made up for whatever she couldn't fit while she felt his breath become shaky and his muscles convulse. She didn't stop, and only increased her speed and furthered her depth.

A wave of pleasure took over Matty's body as he gasped and came across her tongue. "Este, shit," he cried. She moaned with him and let his hips thrust to ride out his orgasm, eventually swallowing and letting his length fall back against his stomach. Grinning, head hazy with arousal, Este climbed up to meet his lips with hers and collapsed next to him on the mattress.

Matty's hand inching between her legs signalled the beginning of a long night. Hot breath surrounded them. Their cheeks were the same shade of pink. And they made up for the time they'd spent apart.

--- 26 May, 2019

The next two days flew by far too quickly. They were a blur, for Este. Saturday consisted of driving out to Stewart Park to catch some acts in the afternoon. Sam Fender, Billie Eilish, and Charli XCX were a few they came out to see, and Este was excited to get to do so from the artist areas; secluded from the big crowds. She had the time of her life screaming the lyrics to Boys and 1999 back to Charli without a care in the world.

But, nothing was as exhilarating as seeing Matty up on the main stage when the sun began to set on Sunday. It was huge. Lights from the screen behind them lit up the thousands of faces in the crowd below, and Matty, dressed formally for the occasion, performed his heart out. She shouldn't be shocked by how much the band continued to impress her, but each time Este saw them live, it felt even more powerful than the previous.

After closing out the night, a much needed series of after parties were seen by the group. Matty dragged Este by the hand to each of them, enthusiastically introducing her to some of the acts she watched earlier in the weekend with a grin on his face. As new and surreal as the environment was for her, she felt safe. Things were easy with Matty next to her.

But eventually, everyone's energy began to dwindle and they had to call it, hopping in a car to head back to the hotel. It was loud and obnoxiously filled with giggly conversation as the group sobered up together on the journey. They parted ways when each person found their room, most desperate for rest after a strenuous day.

Both Matty and Este were exhausted. As soon as their unmade bed was in sight, he flopped down onto it, face first. A tired groan came from him and was muffled against the comforter.

"Hey, it's not time for bed yet. We have to brush our teeth." she said as she tugged on Matty's arm, forcing him to sit back up.

"I don't care if my teeth are clean, I'm ready to fucking sleep."

Este refused his protests and made him walk to the toilet with her anyway. "Up you get," His feet dragged across the carpet in annoyance. "Come on. We should drink water, and take some tablets, too. You'll thank me in the morning."

Humouring her, Matty followed through with her instructions instead of sleeping in his sweaty clothes and waking up regretting it. He slipped off his button up and replaced the far too fancy trousers he wore all day with a pair of gym shorts that were sat on the bathroom floor. In a pile with them, was one of Matty's t-shirts. He picked it up—but instead of putting it on, he left his upper body bare and handed it to Este so she could sport it. She thanked him and wore just that and her knickers.

After squeezing her tube of toothpaste to her toothbrush and his, Este looked at Matty through the mirror in front of them. His eyes were tired, but happy to be looking at hers. Catching her stare while the two of them brushed their teeth in unison, he bumped his hip against hers playfully. Since she didn't expect it, she stumbled to the side from the impact and rolled her eyes.

Matty's shoulders bounced up and down as he chuckled, and Este pulled out her phone to snap a laughably domestic mirror selfie of the two of them pampering up in comfortable silence. They both smiled with their top and bottom teeth, forcing toothpaste to spill out of  the corners of their mouths. She looked back at the photo and laughed at the state of them both, eyes barely open and minimal clothes draping over their bodies.

Somehow, she convinced him to stay awake even longer to do some skin care. "You need it babe, trust me." said Este.

"Can you at least do it for me? I seriously can't be arsed," he complained, turning to her and closing his eyes, as if he was giving Este the green light to start giving him a wash. She threw him a 'Really?' back, in disbelief, but agreed after washing her own face. Her wet hands with cleanser on them started rubbing against his skin.

His eyes stayed shut as the foamy soap built up on his face. Focusing, Este came close, her touch gentle and caring. Less than a minute of scrubbing passed when Matty peeked out with one eye and studied her face. When she noticed he was looking at her, she smiled and made her dimple appear.

"I see you glance down at my dimple like every time I smile, Matty." Este pointed out, then ran a flannel under the tap to get it damp. "It doesn't change, you know. Always there, always the same. No need to check up on it,"

"Your dimple was one of the first things I noticed about you. I can't help it," Matty said quietly as she wiped the product off his face.

She followed the cleanser with a bit of face cream, and he hummed at the quite therapeutic feeling of her hands across his face. His eyes fluttered closed again.

"Am I putting you to sleep?" she asked.

"It's like a face massage," commented Matty. "Any longer and you might."

"Alright, all done."

The bathroom light was switched off. They walked back out to the bed, but swallowed back a couple of Ibuprofen before climbing in. It was dark, and the microwave clock glowed green, reading a shockingly late time. Once the sheets covered them both, Matty rolled over to nuzzle himself against her. A soft and drained voice left his lips.

"Thank you for coming out this weekend, E."

She looked over her shoulder to look at him, but his eyes were already shut. "Thank you for headlining huge festivals like a rockstar and letting me come see you play. I've had the most fun."

"It's no biggie," he replied, sarcastically humble. "I missed you too much to let you only stay for one night. I'm really glad you agreed to the Friday train."

"I don't think you missed me as much as I missed you," argued Este. Her eyes closed with exhaustion, too.

"I highly doubt that. But I appreciate the sentiment," It took a couple of seconds before Matty responded, so she thought he may have dozed off. "You can ask the guys, they never hear the end of it." He muttered one last comment before erupting into snores.

A smitten smile broke out on Este's face as she imagined Matty talking about her in fondness and appreciation like he claimed he did. But quickly, it fell when she remembered she'd be leaving for home in mere hours.

She tried to shake the thought out of her head but failed, already missing the thing that laid right next to her as she passed out in a slumber.

11 >>

[didnt-hear-idsb-live-again]

I once thought my life was a movie in the worst way. I once had main character syndrome in the most toxic iterations you could imagine it manifesting in. I watched things burn and burn and burn and I figured they would always work out because they always did, and I was me, and they had to. things happened so wildly no writer could've been genius enough to script them. each day was a new adventure. a lot of you watched it unfold. the one where she goes to Australia, the one where she fucks a guy on her friends couch, the one where somehow the fallout of this is funny, the one where she's drinking wine into her webcam and cursing them all for being mad at her and somehow it makes sense to you, the reader. the one where she drives to Florida for a hookup and winds up being paid by a prostitution ring leader laundering money on the run from the FBI (yes, this happened). The one where her roommates kick her out and it actually somehow works out for the best. the one where the toxic friend she was pretty toxic to as well got what. was coming.

the world put character armor around me, and I was its beloved Arya Stark. It stayed this way even through the worst of the pandemic. Somehow in the darkest hour of my life I found love. Somehow, in the darkest hour of my life, the gentlest soul I knew and the only guitarist I worked with who had been too decent a human being to want anything to do with me added his notch into my bedpost, too. And somehow, the girl who's broken heart had half the pieces still splintered across the Pacific Ocean, and the boy who's heart was shattered to pieces over the most insufferable woman alive, who made me borderline hate him as a result, found each other as the world crashed and burned. and we held onto each other as tight as we could as the ashes and rubble poured down around us. It was beautiful.

and then. and then, and then, and then.

this is the part that the people who followed me here don't know. this is when I stopped posting about my life. because we had started having feelings for each other. equally, simultaneously. like snow on the beach. flying in a dream. because the emotional flood gates opened a hundred deep conversations later and it was said, "I can't keep falling for you if I have to worry I'm a character for Taylor Swift fans on Tumblr to root for or turn against". and I said that made sense and it was fair.

so I held all this in. I held it all in and ultimately I think it is destroying my relationship now because it is still there bubbling under everything. because I never processed it. because I have video diaries where I watch it all fall apart. because I have a 4 hour video diary livestream of this going down that I get to sit sick to my stomach with every single time my brain wanders too far because I was in the middle of recording a video diary when it all started and the night became too dramatic as it all unfolded to hit pause, and now I have nothing but the spot where acid rain washed away the story I was the main character of, where it was always building towards something and I always got to win. where it all crumbled and died.

our quarantine pod consisted of 5 people. myself, and a boy I'd semi-illicitly been hooking up with, one tie to my old friend group - the one filled with people I'd backstabbed and hated who kind of backstabbed and probably hated me right back; E, and her 2 best friends, B (f) and N (m).

On my webcam, at home, I am smiling like a giddy schoolgirl. The world is ending and I've just been kicked out of my dream apartment and lost my then-closest friends. But instead of caring I'm nervously wondering if I said too much. Sending a text and throwing my phone across the room and covering my eyes. Reading a text aloud from him that says we're on the same page. A serendipitous bliss so deeply shielded from everything else in the lonely basement I'd moved into. Watching that same page progress into more and more real feelings as the weeks and the pandemic ran on. Burning sweet nothings I hadn't heard the likes of in my whole life into the back of my mind. Thinking I should pinch myself every waking second because how could it all seem so pure and so real when everything in the world was supposed to be so lifeless and black? I started recording video diaries so I could see in past relationships when I was being gaslighted. And I do have that. But mostly I have a fossil of the most hopeful naiveté I will ever have. This is my restaurant.

Everyone saw the chemistry between us. everyone saw the way we leaned on each other. everyone saw the sly looks we gave whenever someone made any kind of sexually suggestive joke. no one knew that I drove back and forth from Massachusetts to New York every other night to see him. No one knew I turned around and snuck into his basement after every hike we all went on together when they all got in their cars. But they knew. They knew.

And then one day, he ran into the ex I mentioned. He said he wasn't phased by this. He went through a literal New Moon Bella 4 month montage over this girl. He was me for Australia over this girl. He was phased. And then, suddenly, a talk about our feelings we were supposed to meet up and have was "accidentally" forgotten about and never brought back up.

And then it started out with a joke. We climbed a mountain one day in June. And B said, "now I have to mount ____ next". and most of us laughed. He laughed. Our other 2 friends laughed. She didn't laugh. I didn't laugh. Convincingly. And then she said it the next day. On the next hike. and the next one. and the next one. I had a panic attack and was dry heaving in our mutual friend E's house because I couldn't even drive anymore because I had so much anxiety from it. Because she was trying to fake the chemistry he and I had, like gently waking someone up by smacking them in the head with a crowbar. It was embarrassing. I later learned everyone talked about it behind her back and agreed it was embarrassing. But I never won anything and I was so deeply fucked up from so much else. I knew it'd bite me eventually. I just had to swim in the trauma induced, self-fulfilling prophecy of paranoia and non-existent self esteem until it did.

And then, on the evening of June 21, 2020, she sent a text in our group chat. "Did you guys know that self timer elevates nudes to the next level?" This was when I was in the middle of recording a video journal. Suddenly the giggles were wondering why he wasn't gripping my hand as tightly anymore. Snippets of written songs I'd soon stop writing about how everyone always leaves when they see enough of me. Blaming myself for saying too much or being too vulnerable when no one could actually ever love me. I specifically said, "if this bitch tries something and puts the final nail in this coffin I am going to backflip out this window, walk my ass back to New York, fling myself into the Hudson River, and die."

Well. She sent the self timer nudes. Right into the fucking group chat. Without anybody acknowledging her or asking for them. The entire concept of subtlety died that night.

I threw my dignity into the fucking dumpster right along with it and sent my own nudes in the group chat to remind him I still existed. I spent an hour painstakingly taking them to tear her self esteem to fucking shreds. my hands were shaking each time I clicked the shutter. I watched N awkwardly try and diffuse the obvious tension by making everyone vote for who took the better picture. He voted for me. I watched him invite her over anyway. in the group chat. I watched her say she was on her way. In the group chat. I told myself they were joking. I spent 2 hours, on video, because like I said I'd left it rolling, telling myself they were joking, believing it less and less as the minutes tick by. I've played it back twice in full since and, watching my state of mind and confidence deteriorate is the hardest thing to watch in the entire fucking world. Brilliance beyond scriptable in a different way that the glory I was used to. The way I have it on camera is a brutal, cinematic masterpiece.

As I spiraled I called the mutual friend in the pod, E. Told her everything. Completely info-dumped on her. It, in the end, ruined our friendship due to the cornucopia of bullshit that stemmed from this. Was hyperventilating on the phone to her for hours still. Until I got a text: "yes, B and I had sex. It was fun. But it wasn't..... I did it because I'm single and I wanted to see what it was like. But it wasn't the same as with you" and then going on and on to say that there weren't feelings there.

Saying you're single but then admitting it's not the same because there aren't feelings. What a filthy, August-coded, literally everything wrong with this day and age-esque thing to say. The authority to cheat on me without having the moral implications of it, really.

I got off the phone with her and I yelled at him and I yelled at the webcam and I sobbed and sobbed for hours more. He got it but I don't know if he really did. Then we went on a roadtrip to spend the rest of lockdown living out of a van with our 2 other best friends or whatever the hell, and the tensions from it and what it did to E's perception of him tore apart that friendship for both of us, and I made myself sick to my fucking stomach every waking moment he was near another girl and sort of made it E's problem but that's sort of.... what friends are for, right? I eventually kept hooking up with him because, well. Because of the same problem I had for all of 2019 and 2020, really. I liked sex and had no self esteem. And as the roadtrip went on I grew to love him.

I was writing a song about how free it felt to hold his hand driving down Santa Monica Boulevard the day before with the sun roof down eating ice cream, crafting a chorus in my head (the hook was "you're a pastel Santa Monica sky and I'm / wildfires flaring in your eyes, whatever it takes to feel alive / just here on the freeway you and I"). It's what was playing in my head when he pulled over in Big Sur. When he told me it all needed to stop because it was too much. Time stopped. I stood on the cliffs looking at the turquoise waters felt all the hope fading from me like it did from the grey clouds lingering over the sky. The salt air whipped by my face and I got the taste of tears even though I was too sad for them to even fall. He was mean as hell to me for 3 days. I cried for those 3 days. Eventually apologized and said he was subconsciously doing it to achieve distance. Then we started having sex again. We had lots of deep conversations rationalizing it all. It all made sense. He wasn't over his ex and couldn't handle this and didn't want to hurt me. But I still cried every day the rest of the trip.

When we were home the first weekend, I felt like his girlfriend. I slept curled up against him while he played video games. We made cookies. The next we didn't even kiss. I have a hundred drafted notes app docs telling him off. Trying to keep track of what was real and what wasn't so I could convince myself the 'on' of it all was my imagination over-doing it, or maybe the bad was. I never became convinced of either. Just more angry and more confused. We went on a trip to Maine and I told him I loved him and we needed to just be together. that I couldn't take it anymore. He said no. This was the first I learned he was openly sleeping with other people the whole time. I absolutely fucking lost it. I thought we were dating all but in name and it was some formalities and my anxiety. Imagine being told to your face you're being cheated on but you're technically not so you have to just say okay. I didn't. I cried for 4 fucking hours - ugly crying, right up in his face, and then was told I overreacted and believed it because I was in love and had low self esteem. He asked if I wanted to know the details. I said no and I wish I hadn't, because maybe I'd have ever felt some more resolve if I did. maybe I knew I'd have gotten SO angry I would've left, and I didn't want to have to. And then instead of having the guts to end it, I, sad and low-self esteem and in love and liking sex, tried to say forget I said anything. He had to be the one to call it off.

We got home and kept in contact and first he then tried to hook up again and I had to say no. then he ghosted me for 2 weeks because this ex hit him up. then, finally, once he got over that, I took him on a trip to stargaze to make up for what happened in Maine. And that's when he said he was ready. And he's been nearly perfect in every single way since that moment.

So, anyway. I'm angry. It's been 2 and a half years and we've spent at least 15 hours of our lives talking about it and are very much in love and yet I'm still viscerally angry if my brain touches any of it with a 10 foot pole. I feel embarrassed to be in a relationship that I'm only in because I had a complete lack of dignity even though so much about that relationship now eclipses all of that a hundred thousand suns over - or it should. I feel robbed of a fairytale ending but I still have a fairytale person. So why do I still feel resentment over this? How do I make it go the ever-loving FUCK away? I'm over it. I want to be over it. I don't want this acid raincloud over me anymore. I want back the perfect story it washed away. It was so much rage and angst and turmoil leading up to the sweetest ending at the middle of the worst of the pandemic and instead it ended in the most anticlimactic melodramatic alternate ending it possibly could've. it should feel like I rode off into the sunset with The One. Because, in the end, that's what I did. So why are we trudging along near a swamp one mile from town? Someone change my fucking perspective like the way only the people on this hellsite can because I'm fucking tired of harboring all of this and I'm tired of wondering if I'm subconsciously causing problems in our relationship because I'm stuck on all of this. I just wanted the happy ending with fireworks and the author just forgot about me and stopped writing. This is all so three dimensional and we're all 3 dimensional people but it's stained across my deeply 2 dimensional world that never got to be resolved like it was supposed to first.

[den-of-the-jadewizard]

Whumptober: Day Three: No-one there except the moon

A/N: So, this one is a rain world fic, yay. Don't feel very nice today for reasons, but I had this written some time ago so here you are. <:3

BSM: Date: X/XX/XXXX

I wish I labeled each of these journal entrees when I started so long ago. I don't even know the date anymore.

I suppose it doesn't really matter now, does it?

This transmission is nothing but a text file in what is left of my files, I'm not sure anyone other than myself is reading this. As usual I will leave a note so that I will not forget who I am and what has happened.

I am Looks To The Moon, I'm an iterator, the eldest of my local group. I had collapsed when, as No Significant Harassment would've put it, Five Pebbles stole my drink. I only pity him now, as he suffers as much as I have.

I'm uncertain if the others are still active or not, but I know Pebbles is still functional, but for how long? I do not know. The rot is a cancer that eats away at everything, it's hunger never truly sated.

His Overseer sometimes visits, but that's far and few between, as if he is awkward around me, wanting to speak but yet unwilling and unable to. That's fair considering all that has happened.

A sense of nostalgia for a time long since passed came to me recently, I'm uncertain as to how or why. I remember scolding of a young ancient who had snuck into my chambers to put cheap decals on my walls. 

The memory was only bittersweet now, I found myself morosely musing that I would not mind if someone defiled my ruined chamber with stickers.

It's quite lonely out here, unable to communicate with the outside world, stuck waiting for something to happen, for someone to visit me.

It's been a long time since I've seen one of those relatives of the Pipe Cleaners. I quite missed the feeling of their soft warm bodies resting against my side as I read them a pearl they had found.The cycles seemed to blend like paint, mixing together into a dull grey.

I would boot up when the water drained from my systems enough and then I would do nothing. Just simply sit on my small island and wait. 

There was not much to do, I would be there until the rain started once more to flood my systems yet again. I had researched about drowning victims' experiences and strangely they were accurate, even to an iterator like myself. This would send me into shut down until I woke the next cycle, and it would all repeat ad nauseum.

However, something very peculiar happened a few cycles ago.

I saw the moon.

No, the irony of my name is not lost on me. Through my ruined chambers I could see the sky up above, free as if taunting me while I was still trapped in this husk. 

Sometimes I could see the sun...but never the moon. The rain often came before the night.

I was alarmed when it didn't. The world had changed to dark, the sky a brilliant dark blue among the clouds above. 

I had gone from fear of not having enough water, to having too much and now back again to fear of never having another drop. The fear was unfounded as the rain started again late into the night.

Warnings and error screens popped up in my head as I cringed from the pain of my systems being flooded again. I could never get used to it, the feeling of every fiber of your being screaming that it wanted to live despite not being able to do a single thing about it.

But it only lasted for a moment, before the strange tranquility washed over me. Caught in the silent in-between of life and death.

It's through this haze that I noticed its light shining through my ruined interior and through the water's depths.

I gazed up and saw it...the moon.

The scene was clear, crisp, a beautifully morbid painting on a sliver border deep in my psyche. I couldn't stop thinking of its magnificence. I had seen my same sake many times before but never in person.

It brought back an ancient longing I had buried quite some time ago. I wanted to be free, to venture into the open world and leave the ruins of my dying body.

Sometimes I find myself wishing I had been born as something else, perhaps a slugcat? A scavenger? Or even a lizard?

The world was dangerous, the fight for survival the only thing that kept them all running. 

I could take the risks and the numerous pains. I would take it all in stride. I would never take for granted the freedom I had then.

But alas it was only a dream, a mid-day musing on a lonely cycle.

I think I've wrote down all that needed to be mentioned. I've nothing else to add, should I need to I'll be back again, perhaps sooner than I thought.

-BSM

[enchantingrebelfire]

She used to talk to me for almost twenty hours a day, calling every now and then, caring for me like a mother cares for her little child. "Did you eat? 🍽️ Did you wash your hands? 🤲 Did you take a shower today? 🛁 Did you get a blanket for your bed? Did you brush your teeth?" Her attention to every little detail filled my life. I'd open my phone to find a message saying: "Don't set an alarm, I'll call you to wake you up." 🔔

When I’d leave my phone and come back, I’d find twenty more messages, all of them checking up on me and making sure I was okay. If I told her I couldn’t sleep, she'd flood me with texts: "Don’t worry, I'll stay with you until you fall asleep. 💤 Do you want me to tell you a story? 📖 Is there anything you want to talk about?" And just like that, the sleepless nights faded away in the warmth of her endless words and questions.

She cared about the tiniest things: "My friend visited today, and I made her coffee ☕. I couldn't find my favorite pink hair tie!" Sometimes, I would talk to her about my big projects, and she’d respond with an endless stream of questions and concerns: "How will you do it? When? Will it take a long time?"

If I ever told her I was going out with a friend, she’d bombard me with questions: "When are you leaving? When will you come back? What will you wear? 👔 Who’s this friend? Are you going to eat there, or have you already eaten?" Her jealousy was so intense, as if she were saying, "You’re mine! 🔥 I don’t want anyone else touching what belongs to me."

But as time went on, that overwhelming care slowly turned into a painful coldness. It was as if she forgot how much her attention meant to me, or as if I was no longer worthy of it. Her excuses became frequent, and her priorities shifted away from me. ❄️ How could you change so suddenly? How could someone turn from warm to distant in the blink of an eye? 💔

I know you might read these words, and I want you to understand that I’m not writing to make you feel pity or to beg you to come back. What’s gone is gone, and what broke inside of me cannot be repaired. Even if you were the last person on this earth, even if my soul was in your hands, there would be no second chance. 🚷

The betrayal I felt was deeper than anything I could ever forget. You lost someone who cherished you beyond words, and I refuse to live trapped in the shadow of that disappointment ever again. Yes, I miss the memories, but I am stronger than to let them break me. You will remain a beautiful memory, but also a memory of bitterness and coldness that I never deserved. 🥀

[startseeingstars]

Collision Path - Mike 5lbs of Pressure

CH11 Maddi’s POV 🎶 Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood 🎶

TW - sexual themes, drugs, mentions of abuse

I flung a G-string at Mike as he loaded his washing into the machine and watched it hit him in the side of his face. I chuckled as he rolled his eyes.

“Nice shot.” He leant down and picked up the panties.

“Do I get to keep this pair?” He winked and I stifled another laugh.

“Sure. They aren’t mine though.” I admitted and he scrunched his face up, immediately dropping the underwear to the floor.

“Seriously?” He asked and I nodded, pressing start on my machine.

“If you want to see mine again, you'll have to come back to the club.” I teased playfully. He ran his hands through his hair, inadvertently flexing his biceps. I let my gaze linger for a moment too long and he noticed.

“I can think of another way.” His voice was husky through his smirk as he winked at me.

I blushed, looking away briefly as my phone vibrated wildly in my pocket.

My phone was flooded with text messages from an unsaved number. I opened them and read them from the beginning, feeling my heart sink as I realised it was my ex.

He’d found my new number, clearly. As I read the threatening messages, my hands began to shake slightly. The memories of all the horrible things he put me through came flooding back.

Suddenly, Mike was beside me and he looked over the messages briefly before he took the phone from my hands. I didn’t protest as he shoved it in his pocket, ignoring it as it continued to buzz. He just held me close, embracing me in his scent of smoke and cologne.

After a few minutes, the buzzing stopped and I sniffled, pulling away from him as I quickly wiped the few stray tears that had escaped.

“Let me handle it.” He whispered and I nodded - having no desire to relive the traumatic events I’d been through any more.

He took the phone and sent a photo of himself flipping the bird and sent it off with a message - something to the effect of ‘wrong number asshole’ before he blocked it.

I sighed, mentally drained. Mike’s hand reached out for mine and he gave it a soft squeeze.

“Want to get high?”

I laughed a little at his abrupt proposal but nodded.

We sat on my couch, passing each other the joint. Buffy had curled up on Mike’s lap immediately after he’d sat down. She generally hated people, so I took her affection as a sign that I could trust him.

We were quiet for a little while, but eventually, I’d given him the run down of what happened with my ex - why I’d moved here in the first place. He sat quietly, listening intently as I recounted my past.

Once I’d finished, he gave my knee a squeeze.

“I’m sorry you went through all that. You deserve a lot better.” His voice was soft and I smiled.

“Yeah, I do.” I inched myself closer to him and rested my head on the back of the couch as I looked at him thoughtfully. He smiled - eyes a little glazed over.

“Wanna play some music?” He asked and I nodded.

“I'll grab my guitar.” He leant forward and pressed his lips to my forehead before he left.

I blushed, laying back briefly and enjoying the fuzzy brain feeling.

He returned shortly with his guitar and sat down, fiddling with the tuning pegs as I sat up.

“You know this one?” He asked, fingers beginning to pluck at the strings delicately and I nodded, grinning.

“One of my favourites.” He beamed at my answer and began playing a familiar song.

I sang along, not nearly as nervous as I had been the other night - maybe it was the weed. He hummed a little as he played and I found it endearing. Giggles interrupted the song a couple of times from him playing a chord wrong, or me forgetting the words from being fried.

The way his fingers worked over the strings had my brain fighting a battle of dirty thoughts vs lyrics.

As the song ended, he smiled and something inside me melted as I stared at him for a while.

“You’re high as shit.” He smirked and I kicked him playfully.

“Am not.” He placed the guitar aside and sat facing me.

“C’mere then.” He pulled me toward him and I willingly sat on his lap, straddling him. He squinted slightly and stared into my eyes. “Are fuckin’ too.” He muttered, making me giggle.

Suddenly, I felt his hands grip my waist lightly and his eyes darkened as he swallowed. I felt a shift in the energy between us - a flame that craved more heat.

I held his neck softly and leaned in.

His lips were softer than I’d expected, pillowy against my own. I felt sparks across my skin as our lips moved in sync and we breathed each other in, finally giving in to the desire we’d been tormenting for days.

Shamelessly, I rocked my hips against him slowly, unable to think of anything other than being as close to him as possible.

His fingers dug into the flesh of my waist encouragingly as my hands travelled to his hair, deepening our kiss.

He let a moan escape into my mouth and I almost whimpered at the sound, feeling a familiar wetness begin to pool between my thighs. His track pants were accommodating, allowing me to feel the extent of his excitement against my own.

He pulled away from my mouth slightly as his phone rang, breathing heavily as I still tasted his lips - a strangely intoxicating mix of weed, smoke and mint.

He declined the call without hesitation and tossed the phone aside as he kissed me again hungrily.

His hands ran up my shirt along my back, pulling me closer to him as I felt his hips bucking slightly - desperate to create more friction.

His phone rang again but we ignored the buzzing, unable to keep our hands off one another. His tongue licked my bottom lip lightly before he bit it, earning a small moan from me as I tugged at his shirt, begging for it to be off his body. He broke away just long enough to rip it off before his hands made their way up the front of my shirt.

I gasped as his calloused fingers groped my breast and pinched my nipples. His full lips moved from mine to my jaw, trailing down my neck to my collarbone where he began to lick gently and sink his teeth into my skin.

Loud knocking on the door startled us apart and he groaned. Catching my breath, realised it was Leff.

“Fuck off.” Mike called out to him, clearly agitated but Leff continued to bang on my door.

I slid off Mike and stormed over, furiously opening it.

“Do you fuckin’ mind?” I snapped. He glared at me coldly, ignoring my question.

“Don’t ignore my fucking calls.” He practically snarled past me at Mike. “Get your ass downstairs. There’s work.” He didn’t even glance at me or wait for a reply before he left, heading down the stairs.

I slammed the door shut and groaned in frustration. Mike was angry, but he threw his shirt back on and grabbed his phone.

His eyes avoided mine as I stared at him, a little rocked from the interruption.

Holding a hand to my waist, he leaned in and pressed his lips to my temple, lingering for a moment.

“Sorry, doll.”

[enhypens-hoe]

YOU’RE PATHETIC ⛪️

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡𐙚 summary: Jay and you go to the same church school. He and his friends make fun of you for actually following the rules. You think he hates you, but little do you know about his obsession.

pairing ᯓ park jongseong x fem!reader

★ starring: newjeans' DANIELLE

cw ᯓ nsfw, cursing, corruption kink, hard dom jay, sub reader, unprotected sex, talk about religion, masturbation (jay), mention of porn magazine's, jay and reader go to a church school, jay’s 20 and readers 19 turning 20, breath play???, face fucking, p in v sex, jay degrades reader in one scene, reader is clueless, jay & reader are inexperienced, reader mentions pee (doesn't know she's abt to cum), lmk if there's more

p.s. ᯓ in no way am I trying to mock anyone's religion. I mean no harm this is all fiction and in creative fun. If you are not comfortable with this topic, please do not read and look for something else. also, this story is supposed to take place in the 80's keep in mind that's why there is no texting.

taglist ᯓ @anonant @luvnicho @nannetsz @star4rin @lovelysparklyfart @aileeeeeeeeeeeee @jakehooni @26796i @woozixo @kim2005bomi @minseongsworld @sunkislove

series ᯓ 80’s love

There he was for the third time this week, fist pumping his cock with the swollen red tip sticking out. Moaning your name like it was some sort of ritual because he couldn’t stop thinking about you and your pigtails. Oh, how much he wants to tug on them and push you to your limit while fucking you hard. He really shouldn’t be doing this and if his parents found out he’d be in so much trouble but that doesn’t stop Jay. It didn’t stop him when he was 14 so why would he stop now at the age of 20.

“Yea- oh f-fuckk” he grunts as white ropes spill out of him onto his hand. His breathing is unstable as he closes his eyes imagining how you’d clean him up so well. You’re so vulnerable and pure, that’s what Jay loves most about you. Constantly following your parent’s rules like a good Christian girl, but Jay always wondered if he would be able to change that. Minutes pass by and you’re the only thing flooding his mind.

He flinches as the front door opens letting him know his mom is back from the store. Jay groans wiping his hand with a napkin and yanking on the nearest pair of sweats before rushing to wash his hands. Wiping his wet hands on his sweats as he runs downstairs taking the bags from his mom’s hands. He begins to set the heavy bags on the kitchen counter taking out the groceries.

“Thank you. Oh, guess what that girl.. the one with the pigtails. We saw her and her family at church on Monday. I saw her at the store today and she helped me carry my bags to my car. She’s cute and seems like a good girl… hmm?” Jays head rises suddenly not interested in what his mom bought.

“Oh, ___?” his mom snaps pointing at him meaning he guessed right. “She’s annoying and such a crybaby. I’m not even worried about girls right now mom.” He hates how nervous he gets talking about you. The more he tries to conceal his feelings the more they pour out. His mom just laughs putting some groceries in the fridge. “Hey! Be nice.”

Her laughter dies down as she remembers something. She looks up at him her look suddenly showing some disappointment. “I thought I told you not to skip church school yesterday. -” I know I’ll go tomorrow, Mom. “Park Jongseong I’m serious. You’re a Christian man you need to continue on the right path. You’re a good kid you always have been.” Jay just looks away and nods not wanting to argue with his mom. His mom is trying to study his expression wondering whether to drop the conversation or not.

She sighs before speaking again. “Well, go upstairs and shower then come help me cook and set the table.” his mom softly tells him rubbing his shoulder. Jay listens dragging his feet across the floor and up the stairs.

Your white sneakers hit the floor as you walk in the halls, skirt slightly swaying. Books pressed up against your chest like someone will steal them. Danielle throws her arm around your shoulder, and you flinch looking up before smiling. You guys walk to your locker telling her updates on your new pet bunny.

Jay watches you from across the hallway while his friends complain that he’s not paying attention. “Don’t worry guys he’s just trying to get his dick hard before he gets home.” Jake laughs bending over and holding his stomach.

Glaring at Sunghoon for laughing too, Jay hits the back of Jake’s head shutting him up. “Jake don’t be mad you can’t get any bitches because you and your 2-inch dick are literal pussy repellents.” Sunghoon's mouth drops, looking back and forth at the two guys. Jake rolls his eyes poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue thinking of a comeback.

“Yeah, there’s no coming back from that… sorry man.” Sunghoon pats Jake’s back pressing his lips into a thin line. Jake shakes his head mumbling something about getting Jay back one day. The bell rings reminding everyone to start making their way to the chapel.

All the students along with Jay and his friends are entering the chapel taking their seats. Jay looks around, his eyes meeting the back of your head as you sit on the other side of the chapel next to your friends. You sit with good posture and your hands on your lap as you look forward, attention already on the teachers upfront.

The prayer begins catching everyone's attention except Jay's. He doesn't take his eyes off of you because you're all he sees. During the prayer he would continuously steal glances at you. An hour passes and he's still hypnotized by your presence. Feeling someone tap his shoulder he looks to his left and is met with Sunghoon letting him know to get up. Jay didn't even realize the prayer ended.

You're in front of him and his friends as students walk out of the chapel. Jay softly tugs on your ponytail and asks "Oh is sweet little ___ dropping the good girl act? With a skirt that short seems like you're begging to be looked at as a slut." Sunghoon and Jake just chuckle at Jay's comment.

You turn around looking at him angrily "Y-You… You shouldn’t say words like that. It’s not… something a g-good Christian would do. Actually, unlike you Park Jongseong I have a future I'm looking forward too. While you're too busy ogling at women I am focusing on my studies." you huff telling him in a matter-of-a-fact tone, but you still sound so small. Like a puppy who’s been kicked. Tears fill your eyes as you rush to the bathroom. Your friends give Jay a dirty look and run to the bathroom to comfort you.

Damn that’s the first time she’s said anything back.. he thinks to himself. He follows you when his friends are distracted and knows your friends left the bathroom. As he gets closer to the bathroom, he can hear your sobs. Jay walks in clearly not caring that it's a restroom for women only and bangs on the stall that your locked in.

You flinch staying in the same position. "Why do you hate me so much?" You ask Jay with your trembling voice, and he feels his heart break a little. "What nonsense are you talking about. Can you-... Can you just come out of the stall." Jay responds keeping his cold act up.

There's silence for a couple minutes until he hears you shuffle to your feet and unlock the door. Your eyes are slightly red as you look up at him and hands tugging down your skirt. Jay sits in silence wanting to clam up because he knows you're watching him. "'I don't hate you ___" he admits staring at the ground.

Your eyes stay on him with your eyebrows scrunched together and he continues. "I hate that I can't stop thinking about you. I hate that no matter how much I distract myself you're always in my mind. I hate how I try to get your attention and you never care. You only try to please your teachers and parents because you want to be a good girl so bad."

Your eyes widen at his confession mouth opening but you shut it right away not knowing what to say. He grabs your ponytail, and you whimper. "Now what? Hmm? … What do you have to say to that?" He stares at you, and you feel like he's looking into your soul. You look everywhere but his face because you feel too intimidated.

"I- well... thank you? um I appreciate-" you stop talking when you hear Jay scoff, and you look back up to see him biting his lip. 'seriously' Jay whispers under his breath. Sucking in a deep breath he let's go of your hair.

"Can I show you something?" Jay finally speaks up and you nod eagerly. He grabs your hand putting it on his crotch and you gasp softly. You squeeze your legs together, unsure of why you did that. "Is... is that your... you know. Thing?" you ask him, he laughs and nods.

You know you should take your hand away, but you can't. Your thighs are still pressed together as Jay yanks your hand off of him. He starts undoing his belt as he tells you "I can just walk out of here if you want. We can act like nothing happened but the way you're squeezing your legs tells me you probably don't want that huh?"

You just reach out to his pants slightly tugging at them trying to signal for him to pull them down. "What happened to you huh? What about your parents? You didn't learn this in church" Jay questions you with a fake pout on his face as he pull his pants and boxers down.

My Parents? How would they feel if they saw me like this...? you think to yourself but that doesn't stop you from slowly going on your knees like Jay tells you to.

You stare at his cock wide eyed and guilt filling your body because your mouth waters. "I- um I really shouldn't be doing this. My parents will be so upset." you admit twiddling your thumbs. So, when Jay stares at you with the same unimpressed look and shoves your head closer to him...

You open your mouth, tongue slowly poking out like you're scared of his cock. What are you even supposed to do? You lick his tip, and he groans lightly making your eyes light up. You feel so dirty, but you don't want to stop anymore. Your lips wrap around the tip sucking it like a lollipop and looking up at him.

"Come on baby. Stop playing around and take it." Jay harshly comments pushing your head further down. Your eyes squeeze shut as you gag around his length. He controls your pace holding your ponytail continuously dragging your head up and down his cock. Never in a lifetime would you have thought that you'd be doing this but something about him just makes you want to do whatever he wants.

As his moans grow louder you sit there letting him use you how he pleases. Tears fall down your face snot coming out of your nose as you gag even more while Jay groans. You can't breathe and start tapping his thighs, but Jay just seems to get more aroused.

Something fills up the back of your throat. Your eyebrows scrunch together, and you try to pull back, but he keeps your head steady, nose on his pelvis. You look up at him with teary innocent eyes and he's moaning. His hips buck once more before he lets you pull your head away and once you do; he’s looking down at you.

You're panting loudly and the white liquid spilling out the corners of your mouth. “Swallow it and stick your tongue out.” Jay tells you. His eyes are piercing through you, so you swallow sticking your tongue out showing him. He groans rubbing your cheeks.

Jay picks you up from the ground, hands on your face before kissing you. You're unsure of what to do I mean you don't know how to kiss but it doesn't bother Jay. "Are you okay? Was I too rough? Did I hurt you?" Jay asks concern in his eyes it's like a totally different person from before. This is foreign to you, Jay's usually rude.

A smile grows on your face as you nod at him feeling the blush creep up on your face. "I- I really liked that." You look at the floor and he smiles at you grabbing your hand. Your smile drops when you hear the bell signaling that you're supposed to be in class.

You rush picking your books up and before you can leave Jay grabs your arm and pecks your lips. You push him off getting embarrassed and he smacks your ass as you walk out.

The speed of your heartbeat starts to increase as you wipe your eyes and mouth. Did you really just do that? You tug your ponytail to make it tighter as you run to your class. what were you thinking?! you can't do that again; you'll confess to Father Eri- wait no... no you can't confess...

It's been a month. You've been ignoring jay since the incident that happened in the bathroom. When he makes smart comments, you just walk away pretending you don't hear him. You made a deal with yourself to never tell anyone about what happened and that it will never happen again.

Currently you're sitting in your bunny's play pen cooing at her and playing with her. Small beads of sweat slide down your back after rearranging your room so Lola can have space for her little playpen. As you tie your hair up into a messy bun your mom calls you from the kitchen, so you pick up Lola and head downstairs.

"There you are hun! I need you to go in the garden and pick some fruit please. The Park's are coming over in about 30 minutes." Your mom says as she sets 6 plates of breakfast. She lightly hums a song from church playing on the radio.

Your eyes widen at her words and suddenly you're more conscious of the fact that Jay will be in your house. "The Park's? Mom but I have no time to get dressed and why are they coming over? Since when were we friends with th-" Your mom's soft sigh cuts you off as she wipes her hands on her apron before taking a couple steps closer to you.

"Don't be rude ___. They are very sweet people I bumped into Mrs. Park at the grocery store, and we arranged something. I have your clothes picked out they are in the bathroom. Quickly pick the fruits and get ready." your mom tells you kindly but sternly, so you grab a basket from the closet. You turn looking at the clock before walking outside with Lola.

While you put the last pieces of fruit in the basket Lola hops around you trying to eat some strawberries. You look down at her smiling picking her up and quickly rinsing a strawberry giving her one.

You walk inside setting the basket on the kitchen counter. 20 minutes... you rush upstairs kissing Lola's head and putting in her cage making sure the door is secure. You open your closet grabbing your towel and make your way to the bathroom.

The warm water hits your body, and you think back to that day in the bathroom. You feel like it's hot down there. You squeeze your legs together wanting to cry because you don't understand the feeling that's been going on for the past month. "___!! Hurry they are going to be here in 10 minutes!!" your mom yells from outside the bathroom.

You rush out the shower quickly changing into a white sundress your mom set out for you. You settled on putting your hair in pigtails using your favorite bow hair ties and quickly putting on some makeup. As you make your way downstairs there's a knock on the door. You open the door and you're met with Mrs. Park smiling sweetly next to Mr. Park and Jay.

Your mom comes greeting them as you hug Mrs. Park and bow. Your mom asks you to set the table as she goes outside to show Mrs. Park the new flowers she planted. Your dad talks to Mr. Park and Jay in the living room as you get some juice out to put on the table. "Honey come here for a second." your dad calls.

Trying not to physically sigh as you turn around walking towards him. Your hands are shaking you can feel Jay staring at you. "Jay got a pet bunny just like you hun!" he informs you and you look up at him suddenly interested. "R-really? What color is it?" you ask him.

"He's black and has a white spot on his eye." Jay answers smiling slightly when he sees you gasp. You didn't know Jay would be the type to own a bunny. "___ I didn't know you had a bunny. How old is the bunny?" Mr. Park talks to you as you nod your head.

"Yeah! She's 8 months and her name is Lola. I got her a month ago!" Mr. Park smiles at you asking for tips on how to care for a bunny since Jay isn't much of an expert. "Why don't you go upstairs with Jay so he can see Lola?" your dad proposes the idea and suddenly your mouth is dry. Jay tells him he'd love to see Lola.

"Dad" you mumble, and he looks at you laughing. Your dad tells Jay and his father. "Sorry ___ can be shy. Come on it'll be quick." You sigh walking upstairs as Jay follows you. Your dad never lets you bring anyone in your room so why would he let Jay. The walk up the stairs is silent as your dad's continue to talk.

Once you get in your room you close the door walking towards Lola's cage, but Jay just stares at you. "Were you ignoring me?" Jay questions you and you can't seem to make eye contact with him. He grabs your hand gently and you look up at him. You can't tell how Jay is feeling, you thought he'd be fuming but he looks almost sad. "W-what we did... it was wrong I know. It should have never happened... but I can't stop thinking about it."

You stare at his lips biting your nails, you quickly peck his lips. Jay looks shocked as his hands immediately find your waist. He pulls you in for another kiss moaning into your mouth. Starting to feel bold you place your hands on Jay's thigh and begin to whine. Pulling away from the kiss he mutters "You've been feeling needy for me? I have been needing you... so much."

Jay is not satisfied with the nod of your head. "Say it. Tell me that you need me." Foreheads pressed together as you look up at him studying his features. You whisper, "I need you... please."

He kisses you one more time before pulling down his pants and boxers. Jay gently reaches under your dress pulling down your underwear. The tiny bear patterns make him smile as he walks closer to your bed tossing your underwear on the floor. What he hasn't noticed is you staring at his cock you forgot how big he is.

"You're gonna put that down here?" You pull your hand down to your bare core shock all over your face and Jay just chuckles pecking your lips. "Jay I- I... that's not gonna go down there. 'S too big."

He turns you around and softly pushes you down to your knees. Guiding your upper body on your bed and kicking your legs open. He gets behind you spreading you apart. You put your arms behind you, hands trying to cover your lower body.

Jay grabs them and puts them on your lower back holding your wrists with one hand. The other trails down to your slit feeling how wet you are as you gasp. "Fuck... are you gonna be good for me and take it... hmm?" Jay asks and you whimper subconsciously rubbing your core on his hand.

Jay rubs his tip on your slit and slowly pushes it in. Tears prick your eyes, and you gasp loudly, one of your restricted hands try to grab Jay's wrist. He groans pushing more in as you tighten around him, pushing some of him out. "I'm sorry baby, you need to relax, okay? If you relax, I promise, I'll make you feel good." Jay coos at you.

He reaches down rubbing your clit and you softly begin to moan. He's able to push his entire length in. His head drops and he's trying to hold in his orgasm. Your warm walls make him never want to leave. He continues to rub your clit and starts to move giving you no time to adjust. He notices your face all scrunched up and tears streaming down. You feel so full it makes you feel like you can't breathe.

The burning sensation begins to feel like pleasure. You feel an overwhelming amount of pleasure. "Jay you- I... ahhh so good!" Jay removes his hand from your clit shoving two fingers in your mouth. "Fuck this cunt is so tight ugh" His thrusts are sloppy and inconsistent. To be honest Jay has no clue what he's doing, sure he and his friends talk about porn magazines they secretly found and kept, but he's never had sex.

His pace speeds up and his thrust are harder. The room feels hot and you're both sweating while the sound of skin slapping fills your room. Jay removes his hand from your wrists grabbing one of your pigtails and tugging on it. "Wait jay I think 'mm going to pee! Stop I have to pee!!" you yell at him hands grabbing your bedsheets for dear life, but he doesn't stop instead he goes faster.

You clench around him cumming all over him. Jay starts to see a ring of white appear at the base of his cock. You're in a daze everything is muffled as tears continue to fall down your face.

"Who knew you could be so dirty huh?" Jay whispers in your ear tugging even harder on your hair. Your sobs are muffled by his two fingers. His hips stutter as he cums and he falls on your back.

You two stay still trying to catch your breath. Jay gives you small kisses all over the side of your face. He plays with the hair ties that holds your pigtails. he notices that both hair ties have little bows on them cute.

"Can you... wear pigtails again? I... I like how they look on you." Jay nervously asks and you turn your head back to look at him. A dusty pink creeping up on your cheeks as you nod.

The door slams open "What are you gu-" shit.

@enhypens-hoe 2024 - do not steal, copy, or translate.

divider creds ᯓ★ @/xxbimbobunnyxx