#open and honest communication? in our dizi universe? more likely than you think

[academyofbrokenhearts]

Instead of Dancing Alone, I Should Be Dancing with You (I)

What if Kaya would have been fully open and honest with Suna during their talk in 44? How would it have changed things between them?

AU.

Author note: Probably slightly OOC for both Kaya and Suna, but I was very interested in exploring the possibility of them trusting each other from the beginning and being real allies (and more). I have no idea how long this will be, but I do plan to write more than one chapter.

Shout out to @lovecaitlined, for listening to this idea and encouraging me to write.

Title taken from "Out of Control", a song from She Wants Revenge. There are so many songs of theirs that remind me of this pair.

AO3 link here.

After the entire commotion has finally ended, and after listening at the door for a while to make sure everyone has retired for the night, Suna exits her room, trying to be as silent as possible.

She had time to think things through, after the humiliation caused by her father and the anger caused by Ferit and Seyran's comments eased up a bit. She doesn't really think she will ever be able to remember the entire incident without feeling extreme shame - not due to her actions, but because Kaya had to witness the hell that is her life at present.

Even now, she is not sure about her feelings for Kaya. She had felt hurt when he initially rejected her, but, after thinking things through a bit, she realises that it was probably as much for her benefit as it was for his. And then he really stepped up to help her, even though he didn't have to - it was not his battle to fight. But she can't drag him down with her. Attraction by itself, even mutual attraction, is not a solid basis for a marriage, and she hates even the mere idea that he might help her out of pity.

With silent steps, she approaches his window, and knocks once, twice, praying he hasn't gone to sleep. When he does not answer immediately, she knocks again, more insistently, and shortly after, the curtain moves, and he appears at the window, opening it as soon as he sees her.

"Suna?" he asks, slight surprise in his voice. "What happened? Did something happen?"

Just my entire life happened, is Suna's first, bitter thought, but she shoves it away. Kaya showed her kindness, and now it's time for her to show him kindness in return.

"I... I can't sleep," she responds, swallowing tightly. "I need to talk to you, because it can't go on like this."

At this, he sits down on the edge of the window, not taking his eyes from her.

"Okay," he says, "calm down. Let's talk."

"I am more calm now," she begins, carefully choosing her words. "I feel better. And I really want to tell you how grateful I am. Really, thank you. And... I also want to apologise, because... you really don't need to get married to me purely for my sake. I was afraid that dad would do something to you, and this is why I panicked and said what I said, but... don't feel like you have to do something. I will find a way, somehow. I will solve this matter, okay? What I mean, is that the marriage will not happen. So please relax, don't worry."

He listens carefully, without interrupting her in any way, and when she finally falls silent, he hops down the window, standing in front of her. They are dressed the same, Suna notices. Dark clothes, white shoes. Incredible how she can still notice these small details, with dread clutching her heart like this - because yes, she says she will find a solution, but can she, really?

"It will happen," he then says, gazing down at her, his voice serious, steady.

She blinks in surprise, because whatever reaction she had expected from him, it wasn't this.

"What do you mean?"

Kaya's eyes soften ever so slightly.

"Listen," he begins. "Suna. I need you to listen to me very carefully, and not take this the wrong way, because hurting you is the last thing I want to do."

An echo of the words he said in his room, Suna realises, and soldiers on. After the unexpected kindness he showed to her, listening to him is the least thing she can do.

"Tell me," she says.

Kaya takes a deep breath, looks at the night sky, then back at her.

"Whatever thoughts you have in your head," he says, "just erase them all. Whatever people have told you tonight, everything that happened. Erase everything. This is not about them, this is about me and you. And I need you to know that, in spite of not knowing you for long, I do believe you are one of the most genuine people I met. Maybe ever. So please tell me the truth: will this marriage work in your favour?"

Suna blinks again, this time in disbelief, because this. This is new for her.

Perhaps not that new though, she understands, remembering again the scene in his room, prior to their kiss, and the careful way he spoke to her.

He was actually giving her a choice - and she, not used to this, misinterpreted everything.

"I... I mean..."

"Go ahead," he says, and the gentleness in his tone is so obvious that Suna wants to cry. "Tell me what's in your head."

"It... I mean, it would obviously work in my favour, but-"

"Then this is what we are going to do," Kaya interrupts, determination in his voice. "We are going to get married, and to hell with them all. I'll have your back no matter what."

"But... but why?" Suna asks, completely incapable to process, because surely this can't be happening? Why would a man who was a stranger to her not so long ago derail his own life just for her sake?

At that, he smiles at her. It's a bit sad, this smile. An expression she has not seen before on his face, but she recognises it instantly. It's how she imagines she must look ever so often - when things never work in her favour, when she is always set aside, trampled over, when she does not have a say in her own life.

"Maybe it's because I admire you," he speaks softly, eyes glimmering. "Maybe it's because I look at you, and I see how brave you can be, in spite of everything they did and still do to you, and I think how rare this is. But ultimately, Suna, it's because I genuinely like you as a person, and I think we could be good for each other. You deserve to have a choice, and I promise you now that if you choose me, I will treat you well. There have been marriages starting from less than that, I am sure."

She doesn't even notice she's crying at first, but then he gets closer to her, and his fingers wipe her cheeks with the same tenderness like in his room, before the kiss. He doesn't kiss her this time around, though; instead, he keeps talking.

"I am not the best man out there, Suna. There are many things that you don't know about me. You said to me earlier that I could not understand because I grew up in London and had a different life, but... you know, my life wasn't that easy either. And you must understand that I never make promises to people I despise. I only make promises to people I respect. If there is anything you need to know for the time being, let it be that, and also the fact that no one can force me to do something I do not want to do. So don't worry about me being forced into anything. The choice is yours and yours alone. I have already made mine."

Suna presses her hand over her heart, because it's the first time he spoke to her so directly, and she can tell he means what he says.

A choice.

She has a choice.

Kaya waits for a bit, then when she fails to respond, he smiles again, all traces of sadness suddenly gone.

"Maybe I do need to do a better work of convincing you," he says, and turns around, approaching the green fence in front of them.

"What are you doing?" Suna asks, finally able to speak.

"Wait for it," he says, and, a few seconds later, he turns back, kneeling in front of her, a ring made of leaves in his hand, and Suna is dangerously close to crying again when he adds: "Marry me."

She can scarcely recognise her own voice when she answers:

"Okay."