#op u really thought of Everything

[drowthelynes]

@writebecauseyoucannotbreathe's magnificently hilarious post inspired this comic :3

toph learns a valuable lesson about grifting, only one (1) soap was harmed

[swordheld]

i have been scrolling through ur page and noticed that u tend to put long, thoughtful tags underneath nearly every post u reblog & i just thought that was very endearing since the general trend is short and concise. im not sure why i felt the need to write u and let u know, but i just felt very compelled to. pls never stop being u.

this is so very sweet of you!! it's an old habit that i have held onto for the longest time, mostly due to the fact of tags being excellent for organization (my beloved) but also as a kind of extra space for whatever else you'd like to include without actually including it in the post when others share it for themselves! it's that perfect mixture of private n public.

for this blog specifically it's something that i enjoy since it's really an exercise or activity in enjoyment / enrichment? i like to think about why i was so inclined to reblog it, to pin it up to this lil space on the interwebs that's all my own. whether that's the colors, or the wording of things, or just what it makes me think about or feel, it's just a really lovely way of considering it all a little deeper!

which is not something that comes easy, or at minimal energy, sometimes! my likes are extensive (i keep attempting to clean them out and bring back my queueing system but we are up to 5k and i am very tired at the moment, lol) for that reason, and it's like a small goal to try to chip away at them over time, to see what treasure i can discover today.

alternatively, it's also a really nice near - time capsule of a thing; to be able to comb through my archive and see what has changed in my outlook, what sticks out to me now versus then, is really fascinating to see how far i've come and what's changed. there's something so lovely about time being instilled so deeply into this lil mini game of online scrapbooking that i adore; so i'm peached n overjoyed that you find some joy in it as well!!

this is all to say: thank you sm and i hope you try it out for yourself if it's something you think you might have fun with! let me know how it goes :)

[watsername]

this post was supposed to be a lighthearted post about aspec people by highlighting them in a joking way that still instills positivity and pride in the identity .

unfortunately too many people are too chronically online and media illiterate to realise that so let’s break down the post.

‘shout out to the people not having gay sex this pride month’

this was intentionally a worded to counter the ‘have lots of gay sex this pride month’ jokes and positivity that surround pride discussions. The wording directly associates with anti-queer activity and their frequent attempt to divert attention from queer people during the month of pride. it is worded intentionally. it is supposed to seem counter active to pride .

the humour is then seeing a pride flag. specifically the asexual flag- in which case this stands for an umbrella term across the aspec community which is more recognisable than the variety of aspec flags that i had seen whilst looking for a flag for this post . the grey line of the asexual flag stands for the spectrum between allosexual and asexual it represents the degrees of asexuality and in so, with the purple, stood for the aspec community in this post.

if the joke is still lost on you, the idea was to read a statement that counters the idea of queer pride and find it recontextualised to humorously represent an identity associated with the lack of sexual attraction; ergo no gay sex .

what this post is NOT, is a comment on varied asexual attraction. it us not a commentary on what makes a valid asexual person or whether or not you specifically will have sexual inter course this pride month . it is not saying asexuals are not allowed to have sex . this post is pushing any stereotype of asexuality . op is a sex having aspec person. i am demisexual . i have been with my partner for almost 2 years and engage in sexual activity .

what this post IS, is a joke. it’s a fucking joke i cant make it any clearer. not every single joke is going to relate to your own experiences and that’s ok. not every post about asexuality is going to relate to your own experiences that’s ok. you need to stop taking things at face value and actually engage in some media literacy to understand when something is a reductionist and stereotyping commentary which is inherently negative and when something uses a reductionist approach to convey humour because a lot of you really seem to be struggling with that one.

i fear a lot of you take yourselves too seriously and can’t find the humour in simple tumblr shitposts to the point where i’m having to actually explain what i thought was a very easy concept to grasp because it has upset a lot of people . stop taking everything so seriously .

if you are offended by the original post that is actually a you problem. that is something you have to work on where you cannot accept any form of lighthearted media that does not directly align with your own experiences . bc it’s not serious . it’s a joke x

also allo people can fuck off bc this is literally a post celebrating aspec ppl idc if your gf lives across the country or if you’re just a single loser this literally has nothing to do w u

yall make me want to kms for making me do this

[captainsjack]

@whocanbelieveit god these tags! because you’re so right, and that’s kinda the point isn’t it?

the doctor runs because jack can’t die. he blames it on the fact that jack has a sense of wrongness about him, a wrongness because he’s a fixed point in time, and maybe there’s some truth to that. but i think it’s only a small fraction of what the doctor is grappling with when it comes to jacks immortality.

he runs because jack can’t die. and that terrifies him. jack seems wrong yes, but that’s not terrifying. what’s terrifying is the fact that the doctor can’t lose him because jack can’t die. jack cannot leave the doctor unless of his own free will. and that’s what terrifies him. everyone the doctor loves leaves him in the end and almost always it was not their choice. that’s the fate of the immortal. as he’s said, “immortality is not living forever. that’s not what it feels like. it’s everybody else dying.” and he has had to live with that, to grapple with that, for hundreds of years. it’s the reason he pushes people away. he puts on a mask and doesn’t let himself get too close to others because in the end, he will watch those he loves die. and when he does eventually fall for someone, there’s still a sense of distance to it. he may love them but he will never let himself say it. he loved rose, but it was never explicit they were in a relationship, couldn’t even tell her he loved her. he loved clara, but had to remind himself he wasn’t her boyfriend. she loved yaz, but told her she doesn’t - cannot - date. because she doesn’t allow herself to. because she knows how it will end. that’s this underlying theme with the doctor and those he loves - he will always no matter what, outlive them. and so he creates this distance.

and then, all of the sudden, the doctor is faced with the opposite. of someone he loves, and who loves him, not dying. never being able to die. he loves jack. whether you think it’s as a friend or believe it’s something more, the doctor loves jack. and jack loves the doctor - both as a friend and as something more. he’s in love with him. that has always been explicit to both viewers and the doctor himself. jack never tries to hide his feelings for the doctor - he constantly flirts with him regardless of whether or not he believes the doctor will flirt back. hell, he fucking kisses him. i believe the doctor well knows jack loves him, and that jack knows the doctor knows he loves him. that has always been an unspoken part of their friendship. and yet the doctor never made anything of it, because why should he? what’s the point of telling someone you love them back if they’re just going to die? what’s the point of starting a relationship you know will end in heartbreak? and so he doesn’t. he pretends it doesn’t exist - both his own feelings and jacks. just like with everyone else.

and then boom. jack becomes immortal. he dies, rose/bad wolf revives him, and now the doctor is faced with the fact that jack can’t ever die. and so he runs. he leaves jack and runs. and he keeps on running. because if jack really is immortal, then the doctor can finally have the one thing he’s always wanted. happiness. someone who loves him, who he loves, a friend, a lover, a companion, forever. he won’t ever have to be alone ever again. and that, that, is fucking terrifying. and so he runs. he ditches jack. he ditches the one thing, the one person, who may finally begin to give him peace.

and when confronted about it? well, you know the doctor. he’s not going to be emotionally honest about it. and so he tells jack that he’s wrong. he’s unnatural. and he doesn’t want him around. so yeah, he left. what about it? he doesn’t care. jacks a friend, yeah, but leaving him means nothing. meant nothing. so, too bad jack, you’re immortal, you’re wrong, i don’t want you. except, of course, he’s lying. he gives jack a fraction of the truth. because i do believe there is a sense of wrongness about jacks immortality, but it’s not something the doctor would leave him for. jack is, in tens words, “one of the best friends [he’s] ever had.” a sense of wrongness won’t diminish that. and so the doctor lies to jack, and maybe even to an extent, himself. he blames everything he feels towards jack, everything pulling and tugging at him when confronted with jacks immortality, on the fact that jack’s unnatural.

but in reality? under all that righteousness and ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ sense of time, of ‘i know better than you’ and ‘you’re not supposed to be here,’ is a man. a terrified, lonely man who just wants someone. who just wants to be happy. who wants to live a life with someone he loves and who loves him. but who doesn’t think he deserves it. why should a man, who, in his own beliefs, has caused so much pain and destruction to others, deserve to be happy himself? and i don’t think i’ll get into this too much (sorry op for already writing an essay on your post), but i do believe that this is one of the main characteristics of the doctor. that he’s someone who has carried so much pain around for so long, someone who fights through hell to bring happiness and peace to everyone else in the universe, but who doesn’t believe that he deserves those same things himself. and that’s one of the main reasons why he leaves jack.

i do agree with what others on the post were saying about the doctor realizing how similar he and jack are being one of the reasons he pushes jack away. i do think that’s part of it. but idk. to me this is the main thing. the main reason the doctor runs from jack. i think it’s a lot of things, but the doctor being scared of the possibility of finding happiness with jack… idk i think it’s the part that terrifies him the most.

and, lastly, if somehow the doctor was able to confront all of this, to accept it and work though it, if he was able to see happiness as something everyone deserves rather than something he has to earn, then there’s still the fact that even though jack can’t die on him, jack can still leave. and i think the doctor realizes this. while arguing with the part of himself that’s trying to convince him that he does deserve happiness, that he does deserve a life with someone he loves, the part that’s saying no, you don’t, is reminding him that while jack cannot die, he can (and will eventually) leave the doctor of his own free will. the doctor will eventually fuck up or jack will grow tired of him or fall out of love, and inevitably leave him. why shouldn’t he? everyone else does. human relationships - mortal relationships - for the most part, end in heartbreak. they never last. and so, how could two immortals think they could beat those odds? they could have eternity together. and most people would think that’s a blessing. but the doctor sees it as a downfall. because that means he has eternity to make mistake after mistake, he has eternity to grow old and boring in jack’s eyes, he has eternity to wait until inevitable heartbreak.

and so this part of him wins. and he leaves jack. because nothing is worse than knowing you don’t deserve happiness and that if you did, it wouldn’t last.

im sorry but the conversation between ten and jack through the door of that radiation room in ‘utopia’ is one of my favorite tenth doctor moments in the entire show

ten is a dick to jack several times in that episode but the unsettling openness of that conversation isn’t really something we see ten show with other characters? that conversation got real???

jack listing all the ways he’s died, ten giving him that sarcastic smile, jack feeling angry at being left without explanation, ten not expressing any kind of remorse, jack teasingly calling him prejudiced, ten laughing, them talking about rose (the first time ten rly talks about rose to someone who knew and loved her), ten actually accepting jack’s “I’m sorry that she’s gone” without deflecting

and then we have ten very bluntly asking “do you want to die?” and jack trying to avoid the question but ten insisting!! like that’s such an intense question to force someone to answer but it’s one immortal to another and he really wants to know.

it’s such a dark conversation but it really feels like one of the only times the tenth doctor speaks to a companion without trying to hide anything. and by the end of it they’re almost flirting? and after it’s over it’s like they’ve both relaxed around each other a little, like some of that tension has gone

[s-4pphics]

the call. I (sevika + vi)

SYNOPSIS: reddit: a place for thought-dumping and being horny [college au] WORD COUNT: 9.5K WARNINGS: this was supposed to be dark but its very crack-ish, sevika and vi play rugby(kinda minor plot tbh), oc is a crazy redditor and wears skirts, STALKING, 90% SMUT MDNI(fingering + phone sex + munching + mult orgasms + dirty talk, tensionnnn) brief mentions of grief and loss bc me, recreational drug use, JUST TOXIC, abby makes an appearance later A/N: WROTE THIS WITH MY BABY!!! @trackinglessons art by lottie my love my light my everything this is a product of #OVULATIONWEEK and the #ARCANETAKEOVER

—

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       3y

no one likes me. 

i [f18] don’t have any friends. at all. i don’t have anyone that’s not family that likes me and sometimes im convinced my family regrets keeping me adound. i just moved cities for uni and haven’t been able to have a valuable conversation with anyone and im starting to think i’m the reason why. to be honest i’ve always been the “weird” one or whatever ppl at school called me. but i don’t think im weird at all. I think i’m nice but ppl treat me like a germ lol they just stare and whisper to each other but i know they’re talking about me

does anyone have any advice on being more approachable? or whatever i’m not even sure what to call it tbh.

kewlio313 • 3y

Everybody’s weird in college! You’re young and finding yourself. Join some organizations and put yourself out there! It’ll work out kid 

     artkiller OP • 3y

     i wish there was a chess club lol 

Margie • 3y

how do you go about approaching people? 

      artkiller OP • 3y

      i just walk up and start talking about myself

      Margie • 3y

      Okay… and what’s their reaction? 

      artkiller OP • 3y

it’s different every time. sometimes they just leave, sometimes they laugh then leave, other times they’re outwardly mean. one guy told me to ‘shut the hell up bitch’ and i immediately wanted to commit a federal crime(not murder)

      Margie • 3y

      Goddamn lol. Maybe u r weird 

miKrophone • 3y

shut up hoe

     artkiller OP • 2y

     ?? :/

—

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       2y

Advice Needed

how do you know if you’re mentally ill?

hello fellow redditors. lol. i’m finally back… very odd first term i think i got ghosted or whatever it’s called by some dude on the hockey team but yeah i plotted homicide. i’m pretty sure that situation sent me into a spiral. i think im sick. 

i’m not sure what’s going on with me but my thoughts have been really dark recently. not necessarily suicidal or harm inflicting(on myself) but… yeah… prettyyyy dark. idk. it’s weird what my brain conjures up sometimes. i guess im curious why my brain thinks the way it does. i’m not a bad person and i know that, but my brain makes me believe that i am. idk what to do at this point. i’ve never been to a professional and tbh i don’t think i should because i don’t wanna be admitted somewhere lol 

kewlio313 • 2y

Welcome back kid. It’s often better to seek help even though it can be fucking horrifying, especially in adulthood. Get help and you’ll be fine

     artkiller OP • 2y

     and if i’m not fine? what do i do then? 

     kewlio313 • 2y

To be frank, I'm not sure. I’ve been through alot and even I don’t have clear direction on life. I’ve been allowing my intuition to guide me for some time. Just try it and see what happens. Rooting for you

     artkiller OP • 2y

     thank you 

—

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       2y

Advice Needed

am i a lesbian?

i [f19] think im attracted to females. i can’t stop staring at their tits. i always assumed my middle school peeping was from jealousy or whatever the hell twitter said but now that i’m grown i think i wanna fuck girls. or like. girl adjacents??? idk the terminology or whatever. 

PetersJoker • 2y

go eat some pussy and find out

     artkiller OP • 2y

     no fuckhead

kewlio313 • 2y

… Girl adjacents? Females? Are you actually 40? 

     artkiller OP • 2y

     is this a dig

     kewlio313 • 2y

     You crack me up. Have you experimented before? 

     artkiller OP • 2y

     i never passed a science class

     kewlio313 • 2y

     … Alright. 

 I meant hooking up. Have u kissed a girl before? Slept with one? Or whatever you youngins say these days? 

     artkiller OP • 2y

     no. i’m not a slut lol i hardly go outside 

     kewlio313 • 2y

Finding out what you like isn’t being a slut. You’re in college for fucks sake. Find you someone to lay with, ya loser. 

     artkiller OP • 2y

     or i should just shoot myself. less complicated then sex

     kewlio313 • 2y

     Maybe so, but they’re equally as messy. 

ButchesForChrist • 2y

Questioning is usually the first sign. Lol

     artkiller OP • 2y

     fuck me

     ButchesForChrist • 2y

     Well

—

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       2y

what does sex feel like? (wlw)

[f19] just watched scissor porn for the first time. what the fuck was that. (i need it)

MisandristInTraining • 2y

the work of demons aka men

     artkiller OP • 2y

     i drink their blood

     MisandristInTraining • 2y

     Lmao

OnHorseback • 2y

Feels like dying but emotionally • 2y

     artkiller OP • 2y

     i wanna die physically 

     OnHorseback • 2y

     I’m sure some dirty fuck can set that up for you

     artkiller OP • 2y

     lit

kewlio313 • 2y

Welcome to the dark side. 

     artkiller OP • 2y

     flirt a little harder oldhead 

ButchesForChrist • 2y

Ready to come out? 

     artkiller OP • 2y

     of where

     ButchesForChrist • 2y

     Bitch…..

—

__

__

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       2y

home sweet home. 

hello found family. been mia bc fuck school but i’m back… and i think im a sadist. 

does anyone know where rugby originated from? i like watching large women be physical w each other and i wish they would harm me in similar ways. pls push me to the floor and stomp me out(specifically directed to one pink head) i’ve been thinking dirty things all day i need her so fucking bad. is this why ppl r so obsessed with sex? bc of hot people? i get it now. i need her to bend me over and put her cleat on my neck

lezziesthatembezzle • 2y

good morning to u too bitch

     artkiller OP • 2y

     big muscly girls pls rail me from da bck 

     lezziesthatembezzle • 2y

     someone muzzle this thot

Accuntress • 2y

A dyke’s pride and joy: large women. 

kewlio313 • 2y

This is crazily your most normal post. Missed ya. Do well in school

     artkiller OP • 2y

     :3 🩷

[deleted] • 2y

The cards are in my favor 

     artkiller OP • 2y

     would you like to sex through private message? 

     [deleted] • 2y

     What the fuck you crackhead

—

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       2y

Advice Needed

sex addiction while a virgin? 

is this possible? i shouldn’t have watched ppl with big clits trib. quite criminal. even more criminal when i’ve  imagined the girl i’ve been following around for the past 2 weeks doing it to me

[deleted] • 2y

is this who we are…. 

     artkiller OP • 2y

     obviously. 

kewlio313 • 2y

This is my last straw. 

     artkiller OP • 2y

     hugs xD

—

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       6mo

i’m confessing. 

idc anymore. i don’t give a FUCK. i am in love. i [f21] am in love. the deepest kind i think. love at first sight truly. it’s the kind of love that’s painful. it kills and leaves behind trails of misery if betrayed or lost. whenever i see her, i cry from happiness. her joy is my joy. her hurt is my hurt. our hearts are forever intertwined no matter the distance. i’m writing this for her. if you ever see this: i love you, darling. there’s not a second that goes by where you’re not at the forefront of my mind. i’ll treasure everything we’ve built thus far, and promise to never take it for granted. i hope to die by your side. 

i love you. i love you so much. 

even if we’ve never spoken. 

kewlio313 • 6mo

Yup… she’s lost it, folks. Very deep sigh. 

     ButchesForChrist • 5mo

     That’s part of being a lesbian. She’ll live. Trust me

—

—

—

“Violet! … VIOLET!”

Why’s Sev always so loud in the goddamn library? The receptionist already has tacks on her behavior chart like some kindergartener. “I heard you! Jesus Christ, I’m sitting right fucking next to you—“

“I wouldn’t haveta fucking scream if you woulda answered me when I asked 3 days ago! Are you coming on Saturday?” 

How does she tell Sev fuck no bitch I don’t wanna go in a polite manner? It’s the first weekend after Christmas break and quite frankly, she's already sick of being on campus. Vi loves her friend to death but holy fuck does she wish she had an off button. 

“Just come the hell on and stop—“

“Dude, I—“

“You know it’s not gonna be fun if you’re not there! Half the bitches are comin’ for you! Plus… I think you could use a fun time after… y’know.” Sevika softens — only a bit, she's still Sevika. Hard ass. 

She does know. At this point, who doesn’t? Her last year of university started on a bad foot when her family home caught aflame with her little sister and father still inside, but the icing on the cake was when her long term, blue-haired girlfriend sent her the can we talk? important text. Now she’s single with corpses for relatives(she thinks her sister would’ve found that funny). Her teammates returned to campus with her; eyes mournful and hearts sunk to the bottom of their stomachs, so prepared to shield and coddle when needed. Sev was one of them: through every breakdown and anxiety attack and hungry but nauseating night. 

“I’m not tryna bring up old shit. You been through a lot and deserve some fun. That’s all I’m sayin’. Get your last bit of jitters out before the season starts.” 

Vi nods. She gets it. Losing her sister was just as much of a loss for Sev as it was for her, but somehow, she was able to ease back into herself. Become… normal again. Socializing takes so much energy outta Violet, now. She’d rather go lift or go sock the shit outta rich person. In some ways, she wishes she had as much willpower as her friend. 

She knows why Sev wants her to go. New pussy, new me, her and Abby once told her, but she’s not in the mood to smash right now. She’ll probably start crying if they don’t kiss both her cheeks before her nose like… Ugh. She shivers in disgust… and extreme longing. She misses her ex like crazy. 

“I know. I’ll, uh, think about it.” 

“M’kay… now what the fuck is epitactic theory.” 

“Girl…” 

—

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       12mi

Advice Needed

how crazy is it to ask for a threesome from two ppl that don’t know you? 

[f21] i’m currently in my campus library watching my girlfriend study with her teammate from my stiff ass beanbag and i need them both like crack. how do i bring intercourse up without making it awkward or uncomfortable? help asap pls

also i might c her this weeknd she’s going out and i wanna go

CreamTeam • 5mi

Wait … so is she your girlfriend or not?? 😭😭 

     artkiller OP • 2mi

     we have a complicated relationship🩷

     ButchesForChrist • 1mi

     Aka she’s stalking her. Scroll down a little

     artkiller OP • 30s

     stay out my business 

     CreamTeam • 1s

     What the fuck

kewlio313 • 2mi

I thought we were better than this, honey. 

     artkiller OP • 30s

     you prob are. im not

     kewlio313 • 4s

     Deep sigh. 

Your phone drops from your jittery hands and into your lap, screen glowing with every disappointed reply from fucking Kewlio who you’ve grown to love. You like to call them a friend. A faceless, emotionally intelligent, oddly attractive friend who you’ve never met. 

The love of your life is right there, as always. Exactly 34 steps away, past the shelves littered with history novels and biographies, sat at the table surrounded by Liberal Arts textbooks and her star-littered laptop. Black jacket, black shirt, ripped black jeans, hair dyed black: that’s new. Still streaked with pink and somehow you’re even more hungry for her. She’s looked a mess recently: beaten and bruised, coming to class with black eyes and bandages across her pretty nose. It makes you wanna burn down the entire Arts and Sciences building with everyone inside of it. 

She’s annoyed with Sevika, you can tell. They’re talking about something. Maybe her sister, rest in peace. Or piss if she sucked. Whatever. A small part wishes you listened a little closer when she talked about Jinx(weird ass nickname, but okay) so you’d know exactly what to ask. She can take out any aggression or sadness on you anytime. In here, outside. You’d drop ‘em for her wherever. 

Kewlio is a dirty liar. You’re not a stalker. You’re a fan, an admirer, a lover. Your girl’s simply unassuming… How the fuck is that your fault? 

She won’t be like that for long, though. 

Vi lost her cleats a few days ago. Her black and blue ones that are worn the hell down and hanging at the seams, but she loves them. Wears them almost every match despite how unsteady they make her on the field. They’re her lucky charm, besides you, of course. 

Her lucky charm found her lucky charms. 

And by found, you mean broke into her gym locker with the code you memorized 2 years ago and snagged ‘em. She should really get those locks changed before someone takes something important. 

The explanation of how you found her cleats exactly? You’re not sure and you’re not dwelling. She’ll be so relieved that you found them that it won’t even matter. Might even drop to her knees and praise you like a God. Is she religious? One of the minor details you don’t know about her. 

But you’ll find out soon enough. No worries at all. 

You wonder how Caitlyn is doing. 

—

Rabbit holes are either your best friend or worst enemy. Today, they’re straddling the fence. Your brain never shuts off when you're in a crisis. You’re ovulating, overstimulated, and searching for a cure from someone you’ve never said hello to. 

The internet can solve your problems though. Especially if they’re sex-deprived millennials. Their long-term lack of human contact makes for some hilarious stories and useful what-not-to-dos. 

how to finger a vagina 

vagina g spot where is it

where is clit vagina

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scissoring hacks positions

lesbian sex how to

can lesbians do anal 

is mommy kink a trauma response

Reddit searches are always on your side. All answers to the world at the tip of your fingers. You love the media! Squirting is not pee evidently. PornHub comments are not a reliable source. You should ask your girlfriend if she squirts. 

Caitlyn would know. Fucking BITCH!

how to make girlfriend come

Mansplainer misogynists geeking about making their wives do housework while they sit on their asses and flirt with young Discordians. ‘I clap and she appears’

…

You should craft a bomb that only targets cis-het men because what the fuck is going on right now. 

how to make girlfriend cum

‘[M48] I’ve never made my wife climax and we’ve been together for 15 years and have 2 children’

Your eyes are fucking burning. Is it bad to wish death on a person? Cursed imagery. Your fingers attempt to salvage the last bits of your sanity. 

how to make girlfriend orgasm wlw

date ideas lesbian

am i crazy quiz

insanity quiz

You’re normal you’re okay you’re literally fine. 

mental illness signs for lesbians

what does dying feel lik

“Ma’am.”

You gasp sharply. Librarian. Fuck oh shit

“Hi. We’re, uh, lockin’ up, so…” 

You’re still at the library. How much time has passed? How many rabbit holes have you fallen into? Where’s your girlfriend? Her and Sev are gone… 

But you know where to find your g-spot! Hooplah!

“Oh ye— Yeah! Uhh… bye.” You stand so fast you get whiplash. Your backpack beats against your back when you adjust the straps on your shoulders. Headphones on, music blasting, and just like that, the world is off and you’re on. Right into the darkness of the city. 

You love a stripper’s playlist in times like these. 

You love Reddit in times like these. 

You walk and walk with an extra skip in your step. Time to drive Kewlio crazy. 

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       1s

guys im happy

the joy that i feel rn is unmatched. i love my life. im so excited for the future. thank you god and or universe for these blessings

And post. Nothing could wipe the smile off your face. Nothing nothing nothing you love it here! You love school. You love your girlfriend and her friends and her sport!

“Oof—“

“AH—“

Your back connects with the angles of your hardcovers and fuck you hope your laptop survived that drop. There’s not nearly enough cushion in your bag to cover that fall fuck your life you hate everyone—

“YOU FU—“

“Holy fuckin’ shit I’m so sorry are you ok—“

And your mouth zips. Oh…

Oh. 

Your girl’s in running shorts. Squeezing her thighs good ‘n tight and she glistens with sweat, brows pulled down in concern as she eyes you from above. If the sun was still out, the rays would dress her head like a halo. A heavenly sight. You’d die here… but not before a drop of her sweat falls on your face. You need that at least once. Zooweeema—

“Are you oka— fuck, gimme your hands, up ya go, c’mon—“

Oh she’s talking. And grabbing you. 

Your hands are warmed by skin and your spine tickles when you’re pulled to your feet like a feather. The pain in your back and shoulders don’t fucking matter anymore. Life works in mysterious ways, doesn’t it?

“Hi, Vi.” 

“I’m— hey, uh… do we know each other?” 

We love each other actually! 

“No— I uh, sorry! I go to watch your matches and all that. Kinda a fan… Sorry if that’s weird—“

“No no no no, not weird at all. Uh, very flattering actually. ‘Preciate it.” 

You’re gonna fucking pass out. 

“Are you okay though? Nothing hurts, right?” And your knees wobble when a squeezing hand lands on your shoulder, gauging you for pain. No pain. Just deprived. Needy. Desperate. Touch me some more. 

“M good.” 

“Cool…” Her hand drops and you nearly screech like a banshee, “And your name? Sorry bout t—“

You interrupt with yours and she smiles. Nice to meet you, she says with gravel and your heart grows another heart inside of another heart. Holy fucking you’re boutta

“I like rugby.” 

Kill yourself. You’re boutta kill yourself. 

Vi’s eyes widened before nodding in agreement, “Yeah… me too. If it wasn’t obvious enough. It’s a great… stress reliever.” 

So is sex, according to Sexcopedia.edu. Do me. 

“Really? It looks painful sometimes.” 

She sighs with tension, “It is. We gotta lot of aggressive people playing against us so we have to always… do more. I guess, I dunno. But whenever I’m mad it’s great. Very useful.”

“Are you mad often?” 

“Are you studying psychology?” She pins with an arched, slit brow, but her eyes remain light and friendly. It’s funny, she doesn’t appear to be this approachable with her grunge-ness.  

“Nah. I need to, though. Could do me some good.” 

Her laugh is hearty. Genuine. “Shit, me too. Help me out.”

“Do you wanna be my friend?” 

She seems stunned and you don’t know why. Doesn’t banter create friendship? Whatever. Fuck it. She can say no. You don’t care. You still got her shoe—

“Gimme your phone—” 

Your heart drops to the floor, through the concrete, right into the center of the Earth’s crust waiting to burn and cease to exist. She’s got you figured out. You’ve been exposed and she’s gonna fry you in the middle of the damn street

“—I’ll put my number in.” 

… Oh.

You meticulously make sure your notis are deleted and OFF before handing her your device with the keypad on display. Her fingers are pretty and nimble. Flexible with how slender they are. Pretty hands. Pretty, blue veins and you're instantly reminded of her ex. You hate the color blue. 

She hands your phone back, “That’s me. Hit me up when you get… wherever you’re going. And lemme know if I need to cover your medical expenses for spinal cord surgery.” 

You laugh. Really fucking loudly and she flinches, but smiles after. She’s so fucking cute! Is this flirting? 

“Y-Yeah, I will.”

Her head tilts fondly, “Cool.”

“Cool.” 

She gives you one last look before plugging her earbud in to continue her jog. You check her contact to make sure it’s real and fuck you have her fucking number! Fuck fuck fuck fuck

You leap like the happiest frog in the pond when she’s out of your line of view and a sharp pain whips through your shoulder blades. 

—

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       3mi

lads i just got proposed to. spring wedding in sweden

number collected. so it begins. 

kewlio313 • 48s

Christ help us all. 

CreamTeam • 10s

Ring pics. 

     artkiller OP • 3s

     cawk ring pics***

     CreamTeam • 1s

     Should’ve fuckin known. I hate you genuinely 

—

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       30s

when’s a good time to text the girl you’re obsessed with? 

[f21] soooo i’m laying in bed lookignat her contact and idk what to do. i’ve fantasized about this so many times and now its in my lap… im so used to shit going wrong that idk how to react to it going right. it’s kinda late but i really wanna talk to her but idk she might be sleep or whatever. 

should i scale her building and check if she’s awake? :(

—

Vi doesn’t know why there’s a pit in her stomach. She sits on her teammate’s fluffy rug with a smoked out Sevika who patiently waits for her green light, but it hasn’t come. She feels an oncoming breakdown and she needs a babysitter just in case. 

“Finish this for me?” A roach floats in front of Vi’s face before she pushes it away. 

“No.”

“Buzzkill.” 

Sev and Vi sit in silence for 12 seconds before the roach is stolen and hit by the latter. Sevika snickers. Vi drops her head on the couch and exhales her worries through clouds. Stressed, anxious riddled, maybe not the best headspace to get high but fuck it. 

“Whatcha thinking about?”

She shrugs, “Everything.”

“Talk ta me. What’s happening.”

Vi’s face burns when her mind plagues with you. Your giant bifocals and smudged mascara and acrylic-stained hoodies. You had a backpack on… Could be a student here. You might be a freshman. Vi hates making assumptions about strangers but you seemed a little… 

Immature? Your eyes were too shiny to be a senior. 

“You’re gonna laugh…” 

“I’ll always laugh at your stupid ass,” She snickers. “What happened, though, seriously.” 

Wafts of smoke curl around her words, “I almost bulldozed a girl earlier.” 

Sevika scrabbles to her knees with a slack jaw, “WHAT THE—“

“Oh my fucking god can you be normal for—“

“BITCH BULLDOZED? WHAT THE FUCK FREAKY ASS BITCH—“ 

“NOT LIKE THAT!” Vi scoffs, “I went on a run and bumped into her! Fucking WEIRDO!”  

Sevika slumps back on her ass, clearly disappointed, “… Oh.”

Vi tends to the roach until her fingertips burn, stubbing out the burnt paper on Sevika’s ashtray. When she looks up, she finds a very intrigued looking fox. Here she fucking goes. 

“She hot?”

Vi’s sigh is littered with agitation at her friend while she laughs, “I hadta fucking ask! Tell me! She smell good?” 

“I don’t fuckin’ remember! We talked for like… 2 minutes!” 

“2 is enough time to check her out. Show’a hands, how fat were her tits? Like this?” Sevika mimes holding watermelons that are too goddamn heavy and Vi cringes. 

“You fucking disgust me.” 

Sevika relaxes back onto her elbows, legs extended in front of her. Her brow quirks when she catches Vi’s gaze drop to her waist, “Meh. You like that about me.” 

“Sometimes. Not when I’m in a crisis.”

“Meeting a girl is a crisis now?” 

“Yes! I don’t fucking know, she was…” 

Honestly, Vi’s unsure how to describe you. 

“Does she at least go here! You’re not giving me shit to work with.” 

“I DON’T KNOW—“

“DON’T FUCKING YELL AT ME—“

Vi groans with her palms in her eyes, “She just asked to be friends. She told me she watches us play and that she’s—“

“Back the fuck up,” Sevika raises up again, “Do you not see what’s happening here!” 

“…” 

“You’re actually fucking stupid, wow,” She scoffs, “You know she set all that up, right?” 

“… What in the fuck are you talking abou—“

“She ran into you on purpose! She’s a fan bitch!” Sev reaches for her phone on the coffee table, “What’s her Instagram?” 

Vi whines, “I don’t know—“

Before Sevika can cuss her out for the 40th time, she bursts, “I GAVE HER MY NUMBER!”

“… Did you get hers?” 

“…” 

“BROTHER—“

“Shut up! I’m not… I don’t flirt! I don’t know how, not anymore! She caught me off guard honestly.”

“What's her name?” 

Vi sheepishly mumbles your title; it’s slimy the way it curls on her tongue. You were so nice and now she’s setting you up to be pestered by her best friend. 

It’s silent for 3 minutes, only the pittering of Sevika’s fingers on her device while she hunts for you. Another 4 pass before she tosses her phone in annoyance. 

“You sure you weren’t hallucinating? Nothing’s poppin’ up.” 

“You’re so annoy—“

WHO THAT IN THE BAAAAAAACK, WHO THAT IN THE BAAAAAAACK

Vi’s phone screen glows gray with an unsaved number across the top… One with their area code… Sevika watches the number scroll like a hawk. The smile that grows on her face is crooked. And knowing. 

It’s 11PM. It’s not you. It couldn’t be you. 

“That’s your ringtone?” Sevika snorts. 

“Shut up.” Why’s she so anxious all of a sudden? Her sweaty palms aren’t enough to stop her from reaching for the device, though. 

She answers and puts you on speaker. 

“Hello?” 

“…Hi. It’s me.” 

Sevika’s brow lifts in questioning. Is that her? She mouths and Vi nods. Her eyes roll when her friend whispers, cute voice.  

She’ll never say, but Sevika’s presence re-energizes her. Makes her a little more playful, so she teases, “Me who?” 

A beat of silence passes before you start mumbling to yourself, “I’m gonna fuckin’ throw up is this the wrong per—“

Sevika’s hand flies over her mouth to smother her laughter while Vi coddles you; laughs that she’s joking and that she was waiting on your call. Her cheeks burn when her teammate throws her an accusatory look. 

“Do you mean it?” 

“Mean what?” 

“That you’ve been waiting on me?” 

Before Vi can answer, Sev raises up onto her knees and mimes fucking somebody from the back, face slack with faux and exaggerated pleasure. She ignores the sinful jolt in her tummy and flings a throw pillow right at her face. 

“Yeah, ‘course I was…” 

And then it’s silent again. Her muscles freeze with every deep breath you take over the phone. Sevika waits expectantly, talk to her, she says with flapping fingers. 

“Whatcha up to?” 

“… Uhh… nothing?”

Your laugh is featherlight, “Are you asking me?” 

“Maybe?” 

Sevika’s had enough of the tomfoolery. She wiggles over and hits the mute button with a heavy slam. Leans in close while she whispers, 

“Dude, she’s tryna fuck—“

“No, she isn’t—“

“Yes she is, dodo, did you hear how she was talkin’?” Her tone heightens in pitch, mocks seduction, “You were waiting on me, baby?—“

“H-Hello?” Your mumble is drenched with insecurity. Sevika doesn’t give a fuck. 

“See?” She nearly screams, “She’s DJin’ right now—“

Violet shoves her back before unmuting, “Sorry, m’here…”

“… Was it a bad time to call?” You’re quieter now. Ashamed sounding. Embarrassed. 

“Not at all! Sorry, I was smoking earlier, makes me lose my train of thought.”

“It’s okay…” 

“You make it home safe?” 

“Mhm. I was about to fall asleep but then I remembered to call, so…”

Vi catches her smile before her friend can bully her for it, “So, you called…” 

“Yes,” said excitedly. She can hear your smile. Very puppy-like. Cute. Vi jolts when Sev starts snoring obnoxiously fucking loud. She flicks her forehead. 

“Is someone there with you?” 

Both their eyes widen. A sharp hand raises to slap Sevika, but she flinches before it lands, “Sorry. Just my stupid ass roommate.”

“Hi, Sevika.” 

You’re oddly calm…. But why wouldn’t you be? You had no other intent for this phone call other than keeping your promise. They still share a look though; a brief flash of intrigue and skepticism. How’d you know…

It’s not pondered on for long by Sevika before she sings, “Hey, sweetheart.” 

You sound like the wind has knocked outta you. “H-Hi.” 

Sev singles for Vi to pass the phone over to her. She obliges with a hard stare, “I was just passing through, but while I’m here, I gotta couple… questions. That good with you?” 

“Yes.” 

“Good. You single?”

“Mhm. For forever, sadly.”

“Great. Are we at the same school?” 

“Duh. I’m at every match. We’re, uh… graduating together if everything goes as planned.” 

So definitely not a freshman. Just when Vi thought it was impossible to finish college without a chip on your shoulder. You seem to have made it through just fine. 

Despite Sevika’s reputation of being cold-hearted and abrasive with wicked flirtation skills, she speaks to you like you’ve been in her life for years. Gentle. Inquiring. She lays flat on her stomach with her feet kicked up behind her, “What’s your major?” 

“Architectural engineering. What’s yours?” 

“You’re so smart. ‘M doing mathematics. You should tutor me when you getta chance.”

“Sure. Just lemme know when. I’m always in the library, so.” 

“Well, what a fucking coincidence, so are we! You coulda dropped by and said hello if that was the case.” 

“I’m trying to do that now… Am I doin’ okay?”

“Just fine actually. Aren’t you sweet.” 

“I taste sweeter.” 

Sevika drops the phone on the plush rug beneath them. Sits upright with urgency. Gawks at Vi whose jaw is nearly in her lap. There’s hardly any air in her chest. She squabbles for her phone and ensures that the volume is all the way up. Holds the device right in between them. 

“… Swear? I don’t think that’s possible.” Sevika hums at you, holding her roommate’s gaze while her tongue traces over the dryness on her lip. 

“You could find out… Both of you can if you wanna.” 

“‘S that easy?” Sevika rasps, and Vi flinches when her breath hits her mouth. Leans in a bit closer to feel more on her face. 

“Why do you sound like that?” Vi huffs at your genuine curiosity. You’re so fucking cute, fuck. 

“Because you’re turning me on, hon,” Her gaze washes over Vi and her skin burns with trails. “Both of us.” 

“Oh… cool.” You exhale unsteadily. They can’t help but laugh at you. “Cool?” Vi repeats. 

“Yeah. Awesome. I’ve never done that to someone before.” 

“You a virgin?” 

“Yup.”

“FaceTime us.”

“I have a Samsung.” 

Both girls explode into laughter, “We’ll call you, then, Jesus—“ Vi sends an eager finger towards the small camera before you mumble, 

“Who says I’ll answer?” 

Sevika tuts, “You don’t wanna watch us kiss?” 

“I’d rather watch in person.” 

Sevika throws Vi a look and she’s instantly reminded of Abby. Usually, that glance — filled with an equal amount of tenderness of filth — is shared between her teammates and she’s forced to endure whatever nonsense they plan to take out on somebody together, but now she’s here. Sevika’s including her in such a sacred ritual. She’s suddenly skittish, “You’re killing me, baby. Whatcha doing this weekend?” Sev quiets, timbre amorous. 

“Playing Overwatch.” 

“Fuck that shit. Come to Kappa on Saturday. Everybody’s goin’.” Sevika snips down at Violet, and she whines while her fingers dig into her roomie’s tank top. A little closer, and they’re kissing. Just an inch—

“What’s Kappa?”

Vi giggles, “House,” Sevika mumbles against Vi’s mouth, “Frat house. Right off 16th. It's bright blue, can’t miss it.”  

“‘K, I’ll go. See ya there.”

“Wh—“

Three dial tones break through the smoke in the air before the screen goes dark, both girls left stunned and… very tempted to track your location. Maybe pop a titty for your RA in exchange for your room number. Wouldn’t be the first time…

… Is that too much? 

It could be, but you didn’t hesitate to drop bomb after proposition, and the selfish part of her heart can’t help but think you wouldn’t mind two ravenous strangers at your front door. The knowledge that they’d give you everything you needed would be enough for you to allow them entry. 

And the way Sevika’s staring at her… Craving, but careful. She’s so patient. 

It’s been such a long time — two years since they’ve had any physical connection. Drunken nights, quickies in the locker room showers— the distractions from grief were all put on the back shelf when Vi got into her relationship. Sevika’s a sleaze, not a homewrecker — most times, so she kept her hands to herself out of respect, no matter how many times Violet would catch her staring where she knew was off limits. 

Vi can't get to you, but she can get to Sevika. 

So she yanks her close, dissolves the space between them as their mouths collide with heat and a newfound ache for you in the middle. Sevika’s just as rough as she remembers — pushes her down so her back molds to the floor, entangles a cinched hand in her hair to pull and expose her neck to the attacks. She’s got blotches and teeth marks on her throat — the unrestrained and possessive and her stomach flips. She gasps at the ceiling when her nightshirt shreds under a forceful hand. 

She hasn’t had the heart to have sex in months — propositions were turned down on dozens of occasions because her mind couldn’t focus on enjoying. Every second of euphoria gets overshadowed by hollow, unforgiving guilt. 

You sparked something in her with your forwardness, that curiosity that left her aching to read your mind. Her best friend, too, evidently. 

Every movement is fast. She crawls down her torso with intent — fangs sharp where they leave blood down her sternum. Vi’s fingers pry Sevika’s shirt off, her tongue separating from her waist for mere seconds before reattaching. An eager hand fondly moves her friend’s hair out of her face. 

You want it? Sevika’s eyes read. 

Yes, I want it, please. Vi says aloud. Eager with a twisting hand in her scalp. 

Sevika sends waves through Vi with every wrestle her tongue devotes to her clit. She can’t think of anything but Sevika and you and both of you at the same time; on top of her — you sat on her face while Sevika’s fingers drove inside her. She wants her tongue inside you; unrelenting and feverish until you scream and soak her tongue in your sweetness. 

Sevika eats like she’s hungry. She eats like she misses having her like this and that wounds Vi up tight; it sends shockwaves down her legs. Makes her twitch, but Sevika forces her still with a tight grip on her waist. 

Vi curses with fluttery eyes when a finger — then two, circles around the entrance that aches for a stretching. 

They’re heaven sent when they push in. She’s getting fucked like she’s hated and she loves it. She deserves to feel like nothing; her walls are selfish where they encase the digits that bring her to the sun, massage against every sensitive ridge just how she needs. Her mouth spills with whatever energy she has left within her; slurred and drooled fuck yes yeses. She can barely conjure a warning when her core locks tight, right before she explodes. 

There’s wetness everywhere while she pulses through her pleasure, thighs squeezing around Sevika’s head with every satisfied moan that vibrates on her clit. Tells Violet to give her more and to take it take it take whatever she gives her like she knows she can. 

It’s not until Violet starts sobbing and Sevika’s mouth is dripping wet that she pulls out and separates from her completely. She kisses her pussy gently before shifting to help unlock Violet’s knees. She shivers with every peck that’s trailed up her torso to her chest to her neck. 

Sevika laughs when Vi does, choked and clogged, but elated and genuine. It’s been so long since her body’s felt this light. 

“You needed that. Ya look better already,” Sevika cackles. “Can you stand?” 

“Fuck off, gimme a sec.” Vi shoves playfully at her chest. 

—

—

—

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       3s

guys. 

i love being a liar. it makes me feel alive never let a bitch tell you lying is wrong it literally makes life so much easier!! wishing everyone a good night. 

everything’s going as planned. just one more tally on the board and we’re set

—

—

—

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       20mi

Advice Needed

it’s been 24 hours and my girl who’s not my girl has been texting me nonstop. 

[f21] hello. im in a crisis but a good one? if that’s possible. long story short im in love but not dating the girl im in love with yet. i took some of y’all’s flirting advice and i think it worked. im betting my life that yall do witchcraft. i barely said anything to her and now she won’t me😝😝😝 and tbh… i think her friend won’t me too!!!!! she’s always asking about my day and asking if i ate and if id wanna eat with her but i always decline bc im not ready physically mentally like i’m gonna combust the second she walks up to me i barely survived our first interaction…… but her friend invited me to a party tomorrow night…….. wtf do i wear to that i’ve never been outside before LOL

might get a train ran on me…… WE’LL SEE FRIENDS 

adding her undies to the shrine🩷 yaaaay

CreamTeam • 14mi

bro is she your girlfriend or not? It’s been years at this point. 

     artkiller OP • 12mi

     yes i mean no or yes :)

kewlio313 • 7mi

Wear something that you wouldn’t wear to your parents funeral. Good luck dear 

     artkiller OP • 5mi

     i would whore out if my family died

     kewlio313 • 2mi

     Good God. 

—

What does genuine happiness feel like? 

You’re unsure how long you’ve been on your beanbag, but Violet and Sevika have been laughing since you sat down. They’re so relaxed around each other, content with silence. Accepting of failure. 

You’re not a jealous person at all. Far from, actually, but something furies from within whenever you see them — or people, in general, gleeful; the desperation to feel. You haven’t had the privilege. Maybe that’s why you cling to whatever you have with Vi. She has birthed a wanting inside you. A desire for connection after spending decades comforted by the sound of your own voice. Or comments under your posts. 

Violet makes you happy. And Sevika might, too. Just as long as she doesn’t get too close to your light. 

You’re standing right behind Sevika. She can’t see you, but Vi can. Her fear is swiftly overshadowed by delight. She greets you with a smile that makes your heart throb. 

Sevika’s gaze wanders down to your legs, that remain exposed despite the weather, 

“You’re not cold?” She asks. Not exactly the introduction you were expecting, but that makes you giddy. Vi must tell her about you! 

“Yes,” You say with ease, “Y'all should come to my room. It’s warmer there.” 

Vi nods after gawking, 2 books immediately tucked to her chest with her bag on her back. Sevika just laughs. She gets it. You like that. 

—

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       1s

Advice Needed

how do i mentally prepare for sex? (virginity)

literally fucking freezing walking to my room rn with two burly butches that i want to throw me around and i think they’re going to bc they’re not talking to me but the y are very close i don’t want them to see my screen guys im about to have a threesome pls fucking help me

—

“Cute room.” Violet says, inspecting your horror movie posters and stuffed animals. 

“Thank you.” You smile. 

I hid the 14 polaroids of you that I had taped to my door. Hope that makes you more comfortable! 

“It’s just you in here?” Sevika chimes, eyes glued to the small bed up against the wall, right next to your PC setup. You should ask if they game afterwards. 

“Yes.” 

Violet takes her jacket off and hangs it on your doorknob. 

“Already takin’ off your clothes?” You plop down onto your freshly made mattress. Both girls look very stiff in your space; Is that normal? Maybe they’re nervous. 

Both girls laugh the same. “Not like that. It is warm in here.” Sevika follows in Vi’s lead, removing her hoodie and her undershirt is squeezing her and yup those arms are still there those muscles are popping out yup yup yup—

“Yeah. I can’t sleep in the cold.” You pat your bedspread for them to sit… and they do. On either side of you. Vi brought her notebook and pencil. Sevika brought her heavily ringed hands. 

She scoffs, “Me neither. Immune system is worse than a newborn’s.” 

“Do you get sick easily?” 

“Yes. I just got over it last week.” 

“Damn…” 

“Almost got me sick,” Violet pins playfully, skimming through her pages. She erases before rewriting. So so so so smart; too bad both her answers were wrong. You’ll show her the way soon enough. 

“Coach would hate me. Her star pupil’s under the weather, what ever shall we do,” Sevika mocks and you both chuckle. 

“The season starts next week. Y’all nervous?” 

“No—“ “Yes—“

“I’m nervous for games, not practice,” Vi corrects, “I can’t find my fuckin’ shoes.” 

“What shoes?” 

“My cleats. My sister got ‘em for me a while ago, wear ‘em every match for good luck. I don’t remember where I fucking put them though.” 

“Aww, ‘m sorry.” 

Sorry for keeping them in my closet. 

“S whatever. Just gotta get new ones.” 

Small talk is boring as fuck, but it continues between you and Vi. Sevika’s quiet as a mouse; every glance in her direction is met with hooded eyes. She’s very focused on your nightstand drawer. Can she see what’s inside it? You hope so; Maybe your unworn thongs will motivate them to move this along. 

“Awww! Wait, you used to play soccer?” 

You already know all this. It’s on her fucking Instagram for fucks sake! 

“On the junior team when I was like… 10! I was—“

Trash. I kept tripping over the fuckin’ ball—

“—And forgetting to tie my shoes. It was a hot fucking mess!” 

Yup. Same as the caption. 

The laughter between you finally quiets. You count 12 seconds in your head. You raise a hand to place it on the Hello Kitty bandage directly under her eye. 

“What happened here?” 

Sevika’s breathing is very calming. 

“Got in a fight,” Vi mumbles. Poor things embarrassed! “Got socked in the eye.” 

“Sorry,” Your hand rests in your lap, “Did I hurt you?”

“You’re good… still stings though. They gotta good one in.” 

“How’d it happen?” 

“Don’t remember honestly.”

“Oh okay.” 

The conversation ends. Another 12 seconds. 

“So… Did you guys fuck after I hung up?” 

Sevika smiles and Vi chokes in shock. They’re so different. No wonder they’re so close. 

“I— sorry, thought we were studying—“

“Who said we were gonna study?” You stare at Vi quizzingly. 

“No one did. We mighta fucked.” Sevika shrugs nonchalantly. 

“Oh… was it fun? Whatever it was.”

“Ask her.” She nods in direction of the girl whose face is beet fucking red. How cute! 

“Vi… was it fun?” 

Her eyes droop to the pencil in her hand before flicking it nervously. 

“… I guess.” 

“You guess?���

“That’s what I said.” 

“… Okay.” 

Vi sets her book and pencil on your nightstand before releasing a stuttered sigh. 

“Tell me what happened if ya wanna,” Softness wafts off your tongue. 

Vi swallows, “I… uh…”

“Mhm?”

“We… I didn’t…”

“I gave her head til she cried.” Sevika whispers right in your ear; tickling against your lobe and you’re suddenly winded. Vi’s legs twist until one crosses over the other. 

Gave… Oh…

This isn’t new information. You’re 79% sure Sevika was Vi’s first kiss… or you heard something like that in passing, so why does the sudden confirmation make you wanna hide? Curl into your blankets and shield yourself from both of them? 

“Oh… fun.” Your face burns underneath the skin.

“Very.” 

“Yup…” 

“You’re shy now? After all that?” Sevika almost laughs when your eyes drop to the floor. 

“It’s uh, easier to talk when no one’s actually there.” 

“We coulda been if you’d answered the fucking phone.” 

“… Sorry.” 

“It’s okay, baby.” 

Sevika’s captain of the team for a reason; a leader by nature and Vi allows her to despite her anticipation. She's much closer now, the respectful distance she kept up upon arrival now completely shut, her shoulder touching yours, nearly straddling your leg. 

There’s a light tickle on your thigh; Sevika’s index finger barely grazes the skin exposed beneath the hem of your skirt. 

“You’re so stiff,” She whiffs tender against your neck and you choke a noise. 

“I’m … ‘mscaredtobreathe—“

“Don’t be scared,” Sevika’s whole hand caresses your knee, eases you into her, all while Vi mouths at your neck. “Here, wanna know a secret?”

You release the air in your lungs, “Sure…” 

She’ll never tell, so I will. Your head bobs so encouragingly. 

Vi told me something after she showered that night. 

With every buttery brustle against your shoulder, Vi’s hands gently attack wherever they can reach; the plush of your hips, on your thighs, grabbing at your tummy over your hoodie that takes up too much fucking space for her liking. You can’t stop squirming with every taut pull at the pit of your stomach. 

I was sitting on my bed and she came in, and she smelled so good. I was trying to roll up again, but she took my tray and put it on my dresser… 

Roll up? Tray? What what what the fuck is she saying—

And she got on her knees in front of me… and she looked so fucking cute just staring up at me like that, like she’d do anything to make me happy… She’s sweet like that if she’s in the mood. 

She said ‘may I practice on you, please?’… And I said okay… So she pulls down my underwear and treats me so well. You wanna know who she was practicing for? 

Yes, yes, please—

It was you, baby. She kept telling me how good she wanted to make your first time. 

A strained noise chokes from your throat, and Vi smiles against your ear before her lips close around your lobe and it’s too much they’re too much—

Uh huh, and her tongue felt so fucking good on me. Almost impressive… and she loved every second of it. 

Please… please, I’m— 

Listen to that, Violet, she’s so fucking cute, isn’t she?

So sweet, too. Bet she tastes so fucking good. 

She’s so hungry for you, baby, Sevika coos at you, Gonna stop teasing and give us what we want? 

You agree obediently — desperately, with every thrumming cell you can use at the moment. 

Vi’s benign hand rests on your cheek to turn you towards her before kissing you softly. A gentle peck before she pulls away. It’s overstimulating; Vi kissing and touching you like you’re made of glass while Sevika sucks large bruises on the side of your throat. Your nails dig into the muscular thigh that hardly shakes at your grip in attempts to ground yourself, but they fail because you’re about to faint. 

Your sun kisses you deeper, holds your face tighter to keep you where she needs to tongue at your lips. You’re trying to keep up with her, to use the muscle like she uses hers, but you’re falling behind. They don’t seem to mind, satisfied with the fact that they’re gonna devour you regardless. 

And when Vi lays you back nice and cozy against your pillows while Sevika kisses all over your face, you know you’re fucked. 

—

Sevika and Vi take turns kissing you. 

It’s a messy and uncoordinated mess of teeth and saliva, mainly because of you, but you like it. You love it. You hope they do, too. The warmth of their bodies beside you resonates deep in your core. Whenever one of them pulls away, the next is more than open to take her place, over and over. Your thighs are already shaking. 

Your hoodies raised up thanks to Vi’s wandering hands, tucked right above your rib cage. Your stomach jolts when a feathery finger teases at the band of your skirt. 

“You ticklish?” Vi mutters against your cheek. 

“… Nope.” 

“Yes—” She swipes the same finger against your exposed skin and you jump with a giggle, “you are. Liar.”

“Fuck you!” 

“Yeah… I really, really want to.”

She doesn’t give you time to think of a response; just kisses you one last time before climbing onto her knees. Meanwhile, Sevika’s struggling to get comfortable in your bed. She’s essentially on top of you, both her legs wrapped around one of yours. 

“Fucking — small ass mattress! I forgot how much I hate these!” 

“S-Sorry! Couldn’t afford anything else — mmh!”

Sevika reconnects your mouths while the bed dips beside you. Then there’s lips on your tummy. 

Laughter explodes outta you; Sevika can’t help but laugh into your mouth while Vi nibbles at your pudge. Her grin glows on your skin before her tongue glides on your hip. Her attention stays there; sloppy noises from above and below, your gasps swallowed with every bite Vi gives you. 

You hardly register her pulling your skirt down. You’re just colder. And fuzzier in the head. Sevika breaks away to ask, 

“How wet is she?”

Huh— oh she’s not talking to you yup yup—

“Come see.” 

Sevika rises from position and you’re even colder. When she whistles at the spot on your underwear, your thighs squeeze shut… for 000.3 seconds before she pries them open again. 

“Stop I’ll fucking cry—“

“Cry about what? That’s so fucking hot. You’re so cute, baby.” 

“Bro I wanna die—“

Sevika rolls her eyes, “Bust one last time at least, damn.” 

“Can we make it quick please I’m already on the verge—“

“Of cumming?” Sevika purrs.

“Of suicide—“

Vi’s in hysterics. You shouldn’t be this fucking funny. She watches you and Sevika go back and forth with tears in her eyes. 

You bite, “Wonky ass foreplay—“

“I’ll strangle you—“

“I’ll like it—“

Both of you are fucking stupid. Neither of you notice Vi tugging your panties down. She almost starts drooling at the sight of your pussy. Swallows down the lump of saliva before it can drip down her chin. You’re wet and throbbing and pretty and you smell like heaven. 

You gasp when two curious fingers separate your sticky lips; strings of slick cling to Vi’s digits. Sevika watches with an insatiable hunger.

“What do you like?” Vi whispers, and you shrug. 

“I dunno, I’m new here.” 

She rolls her eyes, “I mean what do you do when you touch yourself? 

“I don’t do that.” 

“Never?” Both girls exclaim. 

You shake your head. “I tried once and nothing happened so I just ate spaghetti and went to bed.” 

“Were you wet?” 

Vi’s forbearing with her inquiries, but still, you’re on the fucking spot and you might start sneezing from anxiety. They’re too patient with you; Maybe you’ve been misreading how they were in bed this entire time. You were expecting them to be knuckles deep in every available hole by now. 

You’ve never been so nervous, and for you, that’s saying a lot. “I don’t remember, it was years ago.” 

“You’ve never used toys or anything?” 

“I… No.”

Sevika stares at Vi, and Vi at Sevika, and you at the wall. 

Your thighs twitch when velvet nuzzles at them, Vi’s voice deep as the ocean. “I’m gonna try something, tell me if you like it and I’ll keep going… okay?” 

You can’t formulate a response but your head bounces in approval. A finger applies the gentlest of pressure on your clit and you expel a wheeze. 

“Okay?” Sevika hums from above you, a hand easing underneath your hoodie to massage your breast. 

“Ye-ah—“

“Sit up for me, honey,” She whispers and you obey so she can creep in behind you, your back resting against her chest. Both her hands rub at your chest this time, her fingers massage your nipples while Vi strokes your clit in slow, teasing circles. 

“How’s this feel, babe?” 

“G— good! Great… h-hooray?” How do pornstars dirty talk so eloquently? You’re literally fucking dying right now. Sevika laughs to herself in your neck and your chest burns. 

“Yeah? And this?” She utters right before pressing in, flicking you from side to side and your core squeezes tight. You’re dripping and she watches so closely. 

“Oh fuck—“

“There she is, good girl, just feel what she’s givin’ you.” Sevika rasps against your shoulder. 

You are feeling and it’s too much for your body to comprehend. Your brain’s never been this focused on one thing. On one feeling, especially one this enjoyable. It’s so good it’s so good you love your fucking girlfriend—

“Tell me when you’re gonna cum?” Vi says against your soft skin

“Uhh…? I— oh god—“

“Getting there, baby? Feel how tight you’re getting? I can see it.”

2 ragged inhales and your eyes roll back and your jaw slacks and your nose tickles oh shit—

“Yeah, yeah, give it to me, c’mon—“

ACHOO!

Your thigh squeezes shut when euphoria overtakes your entire system; thighs clamping shut around Vi’s wrist while she giggles and rubs out your pleasure with ease because she’s stronger than you. Your initial efforts of staying as silent as possible were in vain because you’re squealing your little head off. Sevika rests back on her hands and watches like a hawk while you thrash and clench and leak all over her roommate’s hand. 

“Good job. Felt nice, hm?” 

You struggle to nod because you’re still cumming so hard and her fingers won’t cease on you. Your thighs stick together with your wetness. 

“I’m still eating you out, you know that, right?”

Your whines of approval sound wounded. 

You couldn’t see it, but when Vi finally pulled her hand from you, slurping noises swiftly followed, alongside Sevika’s hums of satisfaction. 

Mentally preparing for your burial. 

—

Vi might be obsessed with you. 

She’s back in her original position between your thighs — with Sevika this time because she’s greedy — and fuck she’s never been so antsy to give head. She loves it and she loves getting it even more… at least she thought so. The aliens could come crashing down from the clouds and her first focus would still be getting you to soak her face. 

You’re fully undressed now, minus a sock; its twin slipped off some fucking where but she couldn’t give a fuck. She’s so desperate to touch you again. It plagues her mind; stuffed with everything that she’s learned about you thus far. You sneeze before you orgasm for fucks sake that’s the cutest shit ever —

Can I?

She’s asking you and you’re whispering yes, please and fuck you moan so pretty when she first glides her tongue on you. Sevika allows her to ease you into the feeling, but she stays close enough to see every drop of slick that glides on Vi’s tongue. You’re so noisy and she loves that. All she can think about is how loud you’d be with your face in her pillow and your hands behind your back while she —

Vi! Violet! I’m cumming again! 

You’re a fucking dream. An insane fucking freaky ass dream. 

If anyone were to walk past your room right now, they’d be appalled at the ruckus that permeates through your space; sloppy sucking noises and encouraging praises and dehumanizing name calling that makes you grind your hips faster. You’re nearly riding her fucking face. 

Vi wishes she could see you in entirety; memorize every thrust and wriggle you give into her face, drowning her in your scent and juices and everything she could ever want in this moment. You’re exactly what she needed; a pliant distraction. You turn her mind off so easily. 

Sevika’s greedy and selfish as she raises one of your legs up with ease. You fall back onto the mattress with your back arched to the skies, a cracked wail squeezing from your lungs when another tongue smushes against your clit. Sevika sucks hard at your clit when Vi’s tongue swirls down to meet your entrance. The eager muscle wastes no time to shove inside and catch whatever bursts from you. 

She moves on autopilot; eases one finger past your pulsing heat and your legs start to shake. The digit curls deep inside, plunges into you with vigor and determination to get you there, hits a spot that almost lands her a kick in the back of her head, but she catches you; curls an arm around your thigh to keep you still. 

And the night — or afternoon or morning, none of you remember, continues like that until you’re drained completely dry and your body contracts from memory. 

Hours pass when Sevika and Vi finally start tonguing each other down for your viewing pleasure, and it starts all over again. 

—

r/AskReddit

u/artkiller       1s

2 butches are sleeping next to me rn… 

never let a hoe tell you to stop following your dreams. i’ve been following mine for almost 3 years and now they’re sleep next to me…. 

#HAPPYPRIDE

[orcelito]

Hilarious thing. I'm so far gone on my fictional crush on Dohalim that I'm even talking about it with everyone at work. Them grateful I'm talking about smth other than Akechi, but turns out I am JUST as insufferable about it lmfao

[6okuto]

KENMA RELATIONSHIP HCS

gn!reader, timeskip mentions

isn't a pda guy, but will fall asleep on your shoulder/rest against you as he games, and if you play with his hair, who's he to say no?

if you change your contact name in his phone, he keeps whatever it is, even if it's super silly or cheesy. like okay call "my honeybear darling angel 😚". he says it's because he's lazy but he does find it kinda cute/amusing

you cheer for kenma at practice in like, a sort of exaggerated way, like "gooo kenma!!! yeaahh!! let's go kenma!! kenma! kenma!" and he tries really hard not to look at you—not because he's annoyed, but because he doesn't want you to notice how red his face has gotten. his teammates point it out anyway

lol his team using you as motivation. "don't you want to impress them?" and kenma's like 😒😒 but gets up from the floor

kenma teaching you how to play his favourite (co-op) video games!! he's pretty patient and explains things well, so if you don't have a lot of gaming experience, don't worry too much ^^ buttt if you're competitive, get ready to Compete. he seems like someone who doesn't take it too seriously unless you start (jokingly) shit talking him

he'll try out any games you like too, even if it isn't something he'd pick himself. he doesn't really plan to when you're describing it, but then he thinks about it, or sees a post mentioning it, and the curiosity (And Affection 4 U :3) gets him

easily notices if you've gotten quieter/tired when you're out. if you're with a group, he'll tap your shoulder and offer his own, ask if you're alright, and or make up an excuse so you can both leave. if it's just the two of you, he's quick to find a place to rest for a while

he'll never make you join if you don't want to, but fans eat up any videos or streams with you—they make edits and compilations of you walking in during streams and everything. the amount of begging for a q&a and story time of how you met is crazydsjdhsj

chat is soo annoying about it too /lh "no they're not single," "i know they're out of my league," "yes they were my first subscriber," kenma telling you not to answer them when they ask if he's clingy, etc etc

! i think it'd be cute if you guys had matching phone cases, but his fans didn't know until you showed up with the other one. and they realize Just how much he has on that's matching you—the bracelet and necklace that they catch glimpses of under his hoodie, the hoodie itself from the same line as yours... yeah.

time for "he said no pickles." unless you also don't like asking/don't care,, then you guys can just take the pickles off together <3

^ if it's a serious mistake they made with your food, kenma's a lot more compelled to approach the counter.

would teach you about stocks. if you asked

mutual info dumping and yapping... he's very aware of how much he's telling you the first couple of times, but gets more comfortable when you do it back !

^ kind of guy to do his own research afterward. he makes a semi-obscure reference/joke the day after and you're like ???? Who told you that.

kind of boyfriend who hears you go "i want him" "wait why's this character kinda..." and isn't like, that offended or put off by it. says "understandable" (or questions your taste), but knows they're a character at the end of the day

quality time kind of guy. people know you're special even if they don't know you're dating because you can convince kenma to go to events or try something new when they wouldn't expect it. (obviously it's never something crazy out of his comfort zone, and it's probably because he knows you'd feel better with someone with you, but he's going all the same!!)

kenma isn't the best with receiving words of affirmation or gifts... he appreciates it, but gets awkward and doesn't know how to react ^^; you reassure him that he doesn't have to jump for joy or be super affectionate back—he shows his love in his own ways !

his gifts are very thoughtful. he gets you something practical, and then things that you've really wanted for a while. his cards aren't filled with long letters of adoration, but they're genuine and very much kenma. (+ having money in the timeskip doesn't mean he'd ever buy something expensive or flashy just because it might be 'easier.' it means he gets to buy you way more merchandise for your favourite media, paying the shipping fees that kept you away.)

you get him a super thoughtful (and maybe expensive) gift and he Lights Up. and then he's like ? you remembered / really paid that much ? really ? and he keeps smiling when he looks at it..

kenma coming downstairs with super bad bedhead and pouting when you snicker. but then he relaxes as you comb your fingers through to fix it

tying up his hair... a little ponytail or bun...

matching pajamas... or those fluffy headbands you wear to wash your face... he looks so silly and cute

university student kenma who walks in visibly irritated, and you know you're about to shit talk his group members or professor together.

late night breakfast. sitting in the kitchen eating bowls of cereal past midnight

! late night gaming sessions... and or sometimes you fall asleep waiting for kenma to finish, then wake up to realize he fell asleep at his desk. you have to coax him into bed after saving the game for him

very nervous during the first year you're together any time there's a holiday, especially valentine's day or your anniversary. he wonders if his plans and gifts are enough, not romantic enough, too boring, if you'd rather do something exciting, even if logically he knows you'll like anything he thinks up

sometimes you guys will just lie on the floor, stare at the ceiling together, and talk. maybe there's music, a game menu screen playing in the background, or you're just listening to the birds and neighbours outside. floor time is healing all the same

bleaching kenma's hair + him helping dye yours... timeskip where chat asks if you've done your hair recently because his hands have been stained :')

it's super easy to team up with kuroo to tease him but also ! teaming up to taunt and prank kuroo !! think of kenma laughing bright and loudly, eyes squinting and arms clutching his middle !! kuroo can't be that mad because he's happy someone else can get kenma this happy too

🏷️ | @icekitgeorge3 @dira333 (hey guys) @pelicanpizza @godoffuckedupcats @causenessus @priv-rose @ur-local-simp @respitable @deepenthevoid

[on-a-lucky-tide]

Nik turns 50. TF 141 throw him a surprise party. (As the author continues to build their voices and headcanons in his head.)

cw: none.

“I can't believe Nik’s going to be fifty next week. The man's aging like a fine wine. It must be something in the water over there.”

It had been a fairly innocuous comment by Laswell over one of their frequent phone calls, but it had sent Price into an unfathomable tailspin.

Fifty.

Fifty was a big birthday where Price came from. The kind where the extended family, and wider community around them, were invited to a village hall for an old fashioned knees up, and you ended up carrying your uncle Rodney home so your aunt didn't smother him with a throw pillow after he pissed all over the doorstep.

Price had never really thought much about the families and wider lives of his contacts. They got the job done and then they parted ways. In every sense, a contact held the same position in Price's mind as the weapon in his hand; a tool to be used and then set aside once you were done.

But Nik… Nik was becoming more than a contact. A lot more. Price knew there was no uncle Rodney for Nik. There was no family whatsoever. No one special to mark half a century with, except maybe… fuck.

Price didn't share scotch with just anyone, let alone pass his cigar over for them to take a toke. As much as he respected Laswell, he was never inclined to spend hours with her chattin’ shit, until the sun broke through the blinds and they both had to slam some black coffee so they looked remotely presentable for their operators. His hand never lingered on anyone else's carrier vest, and no one else's voice made warmth and light curl in his chest.

No one else slotted against Price's... everything quite like Nikolai.

Price wasn't stupid. He knew what these signs meant, but that didn't mean he had any idea what the fuck to do about them. It was safer to just… be, too cowardly to progress any further. And yet, this felt like a milestone somehow.

“Captain, are you there? John?”

“Rog, yeah… uh. Continue.”

By the time Price had hung up, he had resolved to do something to mark Nik’s birthday. Laswell had coughed up the exact date and then slyly asked why Price was so interested. Her tone suggested she already had a hunch. “141 tradition,” he'd said, before hanging up. Rude, but she'd cope.

He finished some paperwork and turned in for the night, but sleep didn't come easy. His plans played out across the dark ceiling above his head and each time he settled on a course of action, he picked a hundred holes in it and cast it aside.

“Buy him a bottle of vodka and put a bow on your prick,” Simon said over eggs and bacon. The majority of the base was still asleep, with only a few other troopers skulking around the canteen.

Price choked on his gulp of tea and thumped his chest. “Classy, Simon.”

“You’ve been dancin’ round each other for years,” Simon murmured, rubbing at the stubble below the line of his mask. “Best time as any to pull the trigger.”

“Pot. Kettle. Black,” Price said as he stabbed at the bacon on his plate to emphasise each word.

“Fuck off,” Simon grumbled, “sir.”

Price snorted a laugh and they finished the rest of their breakfast in companionable silence. After a session in the gym, a myriad of brain-numbing meetings and supervising some training runs, Price was no closer to shaking out of his decision paralysis. If they were on mission he could have hashed out a plan without taking a breath, but he… didn't want to fuck this up. It felt too important.

Price was left with no choice but to consult professionals.

“Surprise party,” Soap said gleefully, chucking his playing cards onto the coffee table. “In th’ hanger, we invite him over tae ‘discuss an op’,” Soap lifted his fingers to emphasise the spoken quotation marks, “get Laswell tae send the invite.”

Gaz nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, then he won't suspect anything - oh, oh, I've got Farah's number, we can get her in on it. She’ll know if he’ll want anyone else, and… uh, you know, we’ll get clearance.”

“Right,” Price leaned back, arms folded over his chest. “So, what… we need food, and cake.”

“Aye, sir,” Soap said, squinting. “And booze. Gaz an’ I'll sort the logistics, and ye jus’ need tae sort the pressie.”

“We’re on it, sir. Leave it to us.”

The present. Price could do that. No worries.

Two days later, he stared down at the forty item long Amazon wishlist he had titled “Operation Black Hawk” and had no idea what to get. Something that walked the line of funny but sentimental, that said ‘you’re hot as fuck but I'm not desperate but I absolutely wank over you in the shower’.

“Fuckin Christ,” Price whispered at this office ceiling, slouched deep in his chair. He closed his eyes and forced his mind to quiet but for thoughts of Nik. Think, think.

So many conversations, ice tinkling against glass, low chuckles and borish jokes; a warm palm on Price’s shoulder and a smile so toothy it was contagious. Endless memories of time at Nik’s side. There had been that summer Nik had come fishing with him. Just a few days of peace before they both returned to the field. Nik had snoozed through most of it, exhausted by their previous mission, but in between he had surveyed the lake, watching the insects flit across the water.

“Poprygun'ya strekoza, leto krasnoye propela,” Nikolai had murmured.

“Cursing my ancestors?” Price had asked before gulping down a mouthful of beer.

Nik had chuckled. “Nyet, captain. It means a playful prankish Dragonfly, the whole summer have sung out. It is a poem by Ivan Karylov. One of my favourites.”

“Yeah? What's it about?”

“It is a fable...”

“Oh bloody hell, not another Russian morality lesson.”

“Pssh, this is good one. You will like it,” Nik had sat up in his camping chair. “It is about a beautiful dragonfly who spends her summer dancing and resting, while the hardworking ant prepares. When winter comes, she begs the ant for help, but he refuses, because he worked hard and she did not.”

“Harsh but fair. Work hard, play hard, them’s the rules..”

“You see, I knew you would like it. You are an ant. You earn your rest. This,” Nik had gestured at fishing tackle, the camping equipment, and the lake, “is the fruit of your labour, and I am privileged to share it with you, my friend.”

“And I you, mate.”

They had knocked their bottles together and moments later one of Price’s reels had begun spinning out. By that point they'd drunk so much that landing the damn carp had left them both up to their knees in lake water, pissing themselves laughing on the bank. It had been both the worst and best fishing expedition of Price’s life.

Price opened his eyes in the present and grinned at the ceiling, digging his phone out of his pocket. He knew exactly what he was going to get Nik.

The rest of the week sprinted by quicker than a RAF pilot on his way to a champagne dinner, and before he knew it Price was standing on a rickety plastic chair hanging a bloody banner from a rusty nail high on the hanger wall.

“It's wonky, cap,” Gaz said just as Price was climbing down.

“I think you'll find your eyes are wonky, sergeant.”

“Of course, sir. I'll get that sorted.”

Price pressed his hands to the small of his back and glanced around at the preparations. The sergeants had done well. Soap had even managed to draft Simon in on the booze run and there was a healthy selection of spirits on the buffet table by the birthday cake. It was a Colin Caterpillar from Marks and Spencers, one of Nik's favourite shops to visit when he was in the UK, with a joke candle stuck in the top that he wouldn't be able to blow out. Soap's idea.

The majority of Chimera had turned up to mark the occasion, as had a few faces Price recognised from previous ops with other organisations and task forces. Soap had said a few didn't quite pass the bar for security clearance, which wasn't surprising.

It was just as Gaz and Soap were bickering over the playlist that they heard the telltale drum of helicopter blades beat overhead. “Places, places!” Soap crowed from the hanger door, slamming the lights off. Booted feet scuttled across the dusty floor to find hiding places behind the vehicles and crates stacked around the edges, and Price joined Soap by the door.

Several minutes passed, and then… “And you have no idea where the weapons store is?”

“None at all, Nik. Price should have more intel,” Laswell replied. She had rendezvoused with Nik in Germany as part of the plan. Her wife was currently squatting behind a crate with Gaz.

“I hope so or this will be a difficult mission.”

Soap was practically vibrating at Price's shoulder as Nik rounded the corner. He slammed on the lights and everyone erupted from their hiding places on cue. Price didn't miss how Nik’s hand dropped for his sidearm, his eyes blown wide.

“Laswell, what is–?”

“Happy birthday, Nikolai,” she said, walking by to plant a kiss on her wife's cheek.

“I–” Nik glanced around the hanger as he accepted hugs from Gaz and Syd, handshakes from others, still bewildered. “How–?”

“It was th’ captain's idea,” Soap said, jutting his chin at Price. “He told us ye were hittin’ the big five-oh, old man. Ye not gettin’ off that easy.”

“Here, drink,” Simon grunted, pressing a glass into Nik's hand. “I'm startin’ the food, Johnny. I've been patient.”

“Aye, L.T. Bust open th’ sarnies. Farah, th’ ones on the left are halal - aye, bet.”

Nik was drawn into conversation briefly and Price hung back, glancing at the badly wrapped parcel he'd stashed on top of an empty oil container. He was so focused on his internal misgivings that Nik’s hand on his elbow made him startle. “Oi, give me a bloody heart attack…”

“You did this?”

“MacTavish and Garrick did this,” Price said.

Nik, who knew that the 141 did nothing without Price's express permission, grinned toothily. They stood in silence as he surveyed the many faces scattered around the hanger, some shoving sandwiches in their faces while others swigged from freshly open bottles. “I… have never had a birthday party before.”

“What? Not even as a kid?”

Nik shrugged one shoulder. “Nyet, it was not a… priority.” He looked back at Price, dark eyes heavy with something complex and unreadable. “Thank you.”

Price swallowed and tried to ignore the heat creeping up his neck. “You're uh… you're welcome, I… got you something. But, uh…” Before he could wuss out, Price grabbed the poorly wrapped parcel and shoved it into Nik's hands. “Happy birthday.”

Nik set his glass aside. “Your wrapping skills are…”

“Bloody fantastic.”

“...unique.”

“I'll take it.”

Nik huffed a laugh as he tore the brown paper away and flipped the book over in his hands. Price was relieved to see his face brighten. “Aesop’s fables. Captain, this is beautiful…”

To be fair, it was a damn pretty book. The hardcover was illustrated with the animals from the fables, the pages edged in gold, and the inside cover was patterned. You know… posh. And then Nik found the second part, tucked about a quarter of the way through. It was a photograph from their fishing expedition. A rough selfie, with half a fish head in shot where Nik was trying to display their catch, and Price’s face smeared with mud from where he had stumbled onto the bank.

Nik's eyes lingered on it, his fingertips brushing over their grinning faces, and he swallowed.

Price panicked. “I'm sorry, it's shit, I'll uhm–”

Nik pulled him into an embrace that crushed the air from his lungs. There was definitely a stutter in Nik’s chest, and Price wrapped his arms around him in return. If he happened to turn his nose into Nik's neck, and Nik happened to press his face a little closer, then that was fine. More than fine.

Price's toes curled in his boots, his fingers tightened in Nik’s shirt, the aching in his chest becoming that much harder to ignore. “You alright?”

“Da,” Nik said tightly. “I just need a minute.”

“Take all the time you need,” Price murmured, closing his eyes as he cradled Nik against him. He didn't mark the time, happy to revel in the warmth of the solid body in his arms, and the smell of Nik's skin, pressed so close Price could feel the thrum of his heartbeat.

When Nik finally pulled away, slightly reddened eyes lingered on Price’s lips before turning to the rest of the party, who were doing a shitty job of pretending they hadn't all been watching. “Later, I would… like to spend some time with you.”

Price didn't want to examine the heat under his skin too closely, lest it be entirely misplaced. “Course.”

“Nik, get over ‘ere tae blow th’ oot before Ghostie eats yer cake’s face!”

Nik tucked his book under his arm and walked over to the buffet table with Price to a horrifically off-key rendition of ‘happy birthday’. Once Nik had worked the candles out, flicking them at Soap with a loud Russian cuss, festivities descended, as they usually did on base, into raucous drinking games and whatever the sergeants decided passed for dancing. Simon lost the Ring of Fire and had to down the filthiest pint Price had ever seen in his life, Laswell thrashed them all at beer pong and Gaz tried to teach Farah how to do the worm. As far as fiftieth birthday parties went, it definitely beat out the village hall knees up.

Later, when the majority of the party had slunk off to dark corners, fallen asleep where they sat or retired in good order, Nik pulled his captain back into his arms and kept him there until the sun rose. Except, this time, they did a damn sight more than talk.

[daydreamingyuta]

do u know the old viral tweet that goes something like the op went on a date with a guy and when they kissed the guy’s watch suddenly beeped loudly due to his heart rate?

can i request a drabble because that one is sooo mark coded lmao😭🫶🏻

Heartbeat | Mark Lee

wc: drabble, 385 a/n: omg yes I remember that tweet, I literally thought it was the cutest thing everr and you're so right, it’s so mark coded!! I hope you enjoy <3

“Is this ok?” Mark asks you with soft eyes, intertwining his fingers with yours. You smile at him and nod, a soft ‘Yes’ escapes your lips.

Mark shifts his gaze onto the sidewalk ahead of him, trying so hard to hide his smile but failing miserably. You see his sweet smile out the corner of your eye, and your heart skips a beat. You’ve never been on a first date like this, where everything just feels so right and so easy. You honestly never want the date to end, which is why you found yourselves walking around enjoying each other's company way after the date should have already ended. 

You feel Mark's eyes focus back onto you, “What?” You ask shyly. 

“Nothing I just-“ His voice cracks a little bit and you can tell he’s nervous. You’re making him nervous. “I know I already like said this before, but you’re just so beautiful.” 

He’s been complimenting you all evening and each and every time it’s made you completely melt. You were going to say some iteration of ‘thank you’ but then you turned to face him, feeling very brave all of a sudden. “…you should kiss me, Mark.”

Your request takes him off guard for a second, “You want me to kiss you?” 

“I mean, if you wanna.” You say looking up at him, watching as he places both hands on your waist, pulling you in close. You melt into the kiss, his lips soft as butter, until you hear a loud beeping noise go off. You both break apart from the kiss and look down at where the noise is coming from, Marks watch. He looks down at it, eyes wide and you catch a glimpse at what the watch face says, ‘abnormal heart rate detected.’ 

“...Is that because of me?” 

Mark nods his head, clearly a little embarrassed. “Sorry, I forgot it does that.” 

“No, don't apologize, I think it’s really cute.” You say, flashing him a smile. 

“Yeah?” His eyes light up again. 

You nod your head at him, “Yeah but next time you kiss me we should be more careful, for your heart's sake. Maybe make sure you're sitting down first?”

He laughs and it's the prettiest noise you’ve ever heard in your whole life, “Yeah, I think that’ll be good.”

[m4rs-ex3]

ALLLL RIGHTY YALL

if u haven't already seen.............. guys i was late i was fucking late for the panel give me a break

BUT here is a play by play of everything from the second i got in

[A GOOD CHUNK OF THE SECRET SCENE] if you saw this post within the first few *hours you got to see but you know what? they got to me i don't wanna be the snitch (i did on accident but its the though that counts)

opeli is being led blindfolded (which we see from opeli's pov. riveting visuals i tell you) by soren to the ✨secret meeting location✨

when she comments on the fact that it is literally just callum's office soren shuts her up bless him

opeli's like "DID BAIT GIVE BIRTH??!?!?" and soren's like no these are "rescue baits" and opeli gives them the greatest fucking look i can't even describe it to you

you've seen that leak "look it's the pearl :D""WHA""yep he's in there :)))))"

rayla says it like "per-al." just thought you should know

soren suggests forming a Fellowship of the Pearl and going to throw it into a volcano i fucking hate this show

they're all debating what to do with it meanwhile the most cryptic-ass shots of callum with the pearl like we get it he's fucked (i take it back i want more)

they finally get to him and he's like "uh????? destroy it obviously?????"

he suggests--and these are 100% his words (not actually cuz u know but its the general idea)--"smash it? throw it off a cliff? take a big ol axe and just--KA CHOP." i love him so much

rayla asks how they know it won't just release him

the way callum is so confused and conflicted and he just says "i... i don't know" oh my god by precious baby

cool ass top-down to the pearl whirlpool esq transtion into the next scene hello??

zym is being emo at a painting of his mother (the one from 4x03 yeah they just stitched that shit up it's all good)

ezran's like. huh. we oughtta do smth abt this

callum is Thinking Thoughts on the turrets(?? yk where soren does his lunges) and tossin the rune cube when he sees the star rune light up......................................

it's stella stella's there and the way he reacts to her is so precious 😭 he's not the step dad he's the dad who stepped up type shit

enter rayla "they told me u would be up here brooding"

(in a tragic turn of events the rayllum of this scene had my brain fuzzy so i can't remember a few chunks here and there have pity my brain has rotten)

callum's like "we have to do something i'm scared he's gonna use me. i know what we need to do ok we need to go to the starscraper"

it's honestly hilarious the way he says "and *WE.* should go" he's like "don't be gettin any ideas now this is an us thing"

and then ohoho "they have something there for you, too" (THAT was an exact quote)

he's like "PLSPLSPLS i've studied star magic i know the spells i know the runes i just need the quasar diamonds!! LET ME FREE UR PARENTS AND RUNAAN PLEAAAASSSSEEEE"

rayla is veryyyyyy opposed she's like "NO i want to help my parents as much as you"--honestly i don't think ANYONE wants to as much as him--"but i don't want my biases to affect that" BIASES?!??!! like that was the word she used i can't stop thinking about it

zym has entered his wolf child era his ass is HOWLING at the moon

soren hears him and goes "aww little guy misses his mom :((( sometimes i wonder where my mom is...." WHAT AWHAT WHAT AWHAT PJARDON SAY IT AGIAN YOU WAHGTS SAY IT AGIAND HUAH HUWH A

ok. yeah callum does not have pajamas BUT I THINK WE HAVE BIGGER ISSUES HERE????????????? HE WAS SLEEPING IN HIS OFFICE

THAT COUCH THING THAT THEY WERE ON WHEN RAYLA CAME BACK IN 4x03???? HES JUST SLEEPING ON IT I CANT MY GUY WHAT R U DOINGGG

in other news

bruv is tossing and turning and then just. ~stops.~ this can only mean good things (i think you know where i'm going with this)

he sits up. hobbles over to the door. there was a really cool transition (can u tell i respect the cinematography) and he's in the cellar holding the pearl.

he wakes up in aaravos' prison and is like "well this looks neat!" until he sees the mirror and screams and wakes up. when he realizes where he is he goes "what have i done" dude you fell asleep?? god he's never sleeping again (<- me when i lie 😈)

the description we got of this next scene did NOT do it justice it was fucking incredible

callum kicks down the fucking door (not actually) screaming for rayla

rayla TUMBLES OUT OF BED ON TO THE FLOOR, pillows in hands and unafraid to use them

"WHOA. HEY HEY ITS OKAY ITS ME! it's just me rayla. it's me. callum" i feel like he was saying the same 5 words for 7 hours it was beautiful

rayla: "callum?? jeez i could have-" *looks at pillows*

callum giggles the cutest fucking giggle and says something along the lines of "yeah, it would've hurt real bad :)"

oh yeah DE-LAYERED PONYTAIL RAYLA CONFIRMEDED??!?!?!?!?!

she sits back on the bed and my guy KNEELS DOWN AT THE CORNER OF THE BED TO PICK UP HER STUFF BEFORE HE SITS DOWN NEXT TO HER and they say chivalry is dead romance was birthed and ended with this scene

he tells her about it and she goes "callum, you're exhausted. you had a nightmare. if i thought you were in any real danger you know i would-" and then ironically i forget the same line that the person from nycc did wouldja look at that

can i just mention how close they were sitting in this scene i mean i jsut thikn i should mention hwo clo

yada yada he has a lightbulb and runs off with her blanket

the iconic "i know stella.. he took our blankie :("

god knows why barius is up in the middle of the night whispering sweet nothings to his jelly tarts

callum comes in with a certain proposition mwuhahaha

rayla comes into his office and sees his aesthetic ass sewing by fireside and graciously says "ah i get it! you're taking your mind off things by peacefully knitting" so iconic for both of them

callum explains that he's stitching runes to create a protection spell when barius comes in with the """"""""pearl""""""""""

rayla DIVES in front of callum and says "what r you doing get that thing AWAY from him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she got SO protective SO fast it was blessed

callum's like au contraire 😈

ok so obviously we had all heard about the fake pearl but. you know that one guy who makes insane sculptures out of nothing but chocolate? that's what they did the pearl is brown sludge with a candy coating 💀 i'm losing my mind that is so funny to me

so yeah with the decoy out the real pearl is protected by--and callum literally said this--"a magic blankie >:)"

he also pops in to tell ez and omg GUYS BAIT HAS HIS OWN LITTLE ROYAL CANOPY BED ITS SO FUCKING CUTE

dawn in the courtyard--ez is saying goodbye to soren, zym, and pyrrah who are going to look for zubeia (i almost just typed zendaya i need sleep) and callum and rayla who r going to the starscraper

my roman empire is this: callum was acting all eepy and then when they get going hE RESTS HIS HEAD ON RAYLA'S BACK AND FALLS ASLEEP. I CANNOT FUCKING MAKE THIS UP IT WAS PHENOMENAL SHE LOOKED SO FUCKING HAPPY I I I I I I HAKJSDHFKJASHFDKJHSADKFHKJASHFIHASEKFH

on a slightly lower note

scene from teaser except they did cut a couple lines in the teaser. mainly just terry going "didn't see you there,, cuz i was asleep. with my eyes closed"

he does not in fact get impaled but claudia tells him she's gonna leave him first and does just that

as she's going omfg terry's cries and pleas and "I LOVE YOU"s and "I WILL WAIT. I WILL WAIT HERE FOR YOU" was absolutely insane idk what was in the air in that recording studio but shout out to ben

i am so tired goodbye!

[snickerdoodlles]

#I think a lot of my dislike of the movie might have been just differences in taste #That movie was NOT my sense of humor and I disliked how they handled some things #Like...it kinda bugged me how they went about Ballister's prosthetic limb I won't lie. #I also don't know if Nimona ''not wanting to be a monster'' yet also wanting to cause so much destruction around her worked for me #Or at least not the way it was done #Like. I'm ALL for a character that wants to hurt others because of the way they've been hurt. That's based. #But that's not...really what they did? Or at least I don't think so #Like she's not REALLY a villain but she did sincerely want Ballister to be. #She values life. But she also wants to murder people? She wants violence??? Idk. It was a weird mix #She's SO sad that child was scared of her but earlier she like. Completely fucks up another kid's game. For no reason. #God and Nimona being 1000 years old makes a lot of her actions kinda weird. She feels so 14 to me yet she's immortal afssf #Also just not that big a fan of the trope where it's revealed ''this ancient legend was actually kids the whole time!!!'' #but I know that's just my tastes #HOWEVER. I also think it made the movie weaker in certain aspects. #Prejudice is learned. So making it feel SO ingrained into the very beings of this world's people #IDK man did not hit it's mark for me #the queer allegory was legitimately very good though. loved that (op's tags)

Nimoma has good emotional payoff and animation but nothing else to really write home about TBH

It's very SPOP in that way, where the arcs and scenes are solid when viewed outside of the media in gifset or clip form but don't work as well when actually watching what they're from

For sure! I think that's a problem she-ra and toh both share with Nimona—they struggle with setup but then go ham on the payoff, which leaves everything feeling somewhat unearned.

The end of the movie bugged me in particular—Ballister's 180 with calling Nimona a monster (something he KNOWS pushes her to the brink) after one conversation with his ex-boyfriend was...I think out of place?

Normally if you have a character make a wrong choice like that you, as the audience, would be questioning the whole movie if they had ever REALLY changed. Was Ballister's loyalty truly to Nimona or to the Institute/Goldenloin? But, by that point in the movie they had really sold me on Ballister's complete acceptance of Nimona and disregard of the institute, so....why would he turn on Nimona then? I'm surprised they didn't do this plot the other way, which would instead have only made it seem like Ballister betrayed Nimona, you know? Like they did in Tangled. That way you don't undo Ballister's movie long arc with one scene, but you can still have Nimona go berserk and make her way into the heart of the city.

There were also a couple of other things that felt kinda dropped by the end. Ballister being the first commoner to become a knight? The Queen's important role in this society? This kingdom's prejudice going SO deep that not even a child would give Nimona a chance after saving their life, yet blowing up the wall changed everyone's minds in the end?

There were a lot of good pieces, but they weren't quite put together in the right ways.

[sen-ya]

part 3/7

i call this one and the next one "i really just wanted to write dialogue and u can tell"

[op comic masterpost]

[pg1] Panel 1: Luffy: ...that's not what I thought you were gonna say

Panel 2: Law: ...And I know exactly what happened. I have a series of effects that I've just kind of run in the background since I was a teenager. Law: And a few months ago I had this cold I couldn't shake and it was making me so tired so I stopped using my powers completely Law: And one of those background effects sharpens my attention to detail to help me remember things well. Law: And I've turned these effects off a thousand times before. Law: Bepo usually reminds me about it. Law: But this time he didn't, and I...forgot to turn them back on. And then before I could notice...

Panel 3: Law: ...and I didn't know what to do so I just thought 'keep your options open' until I could talk to you. Law: So then I stopped everything because I've never read anything about this stuff. I don't even own any books on it. Law: So I haven't had my testosterone or anxiety medication for two weeks and --

Panel 4: Law: --and I don't have a plan, but I always have a plan!! Law: And I hate the idea of something so loudly reminding me that I'm AFAB but I don't know if I hate what the end result would be?? So I've been--

[pg2] Panel 5: Luffy: Wait, two weeks?? Law: --I've been trying to think of what to do Luffy [talking over him]: Why didn't you call?? Law [talking over Luffy]: so that I didn't end up here without a solution Luffy: You don't have to have answers all the time Law [talking over Luffy]: because I know you're not a planner and I've always seen clear paths Luffy: C'mon now Law [talking over Luffy]: but with this all I get is static because I never wanted to be a parent but I was also so sure I'd never be confronted with the possibility! Luffy: It's gonna be okay Law [talking over Luffy]: I was so sure I had it all figured out but I was fucking stupid-- Luffy [talking over Law]: Hey!

Panel 6: Luffy: You're not stupid!! Law: I don't know what to do, Luffy!!

Panel 7: Luffy: That's okay!! Not knowing is okay!! Luffy: You've been thinking too much!! Just feel about it for a second.

[strawbrrycuteblog]

heyyy girllll 😚 saurrrr i was wondering….. if u write fluff could you write things enhypen would do when their op is on their period??? idk im on my period right now and i’m really delulu rn 😅

-💋

Aww this is so sweet and I’m abt to start mine so yes!

Heeseung: Heeseung Walked into the apartment holding a bag of sweets, some assorted chocolates and goodies. He stopped in his tracks when he heard some soft sobs coming from the bedroom, knowing it was you he went in there and he saw you curled into a ball, clutching onto your stomach as if you’d die if you let go. He hated your period, one because it cause you so much pain, but two because your mood swings were so sudden. He sat the bag down on his side of the bed table and crawled into the bed, getting under the blanket as he sighed “don’t kill me but they didn’t have any Kit Kats..” hearing this he immediately got an elbow jab to the stomach. You came out from the blanket and looked at your boyfriend who was now clutching his own stomach and you couldn’t help but smile “twinnn”.

Jay: Jay was gone most of the day while you were cramped into a ball in your bed at home, once he got home from practice he walked through the bedroom so he could shower until he saw the small bump in the middle of the bed. He couldn’t help but chuckle and walked over, “hey little mole hill” you quickly sat up when you heard his voice and your puffy red eyes immediately made him coo, he shifted on the bed and pulled you close. “My poor little baby, why aren’t you using the heating pad?” You frowned “we don’t have one anymore” he had forgotten about that, he needed to but a new one but got too busy. “Okay I’m gonna go make you one then..” he kissed your forehead then went to the kitchen before he made some dough and wrapped it up then he warmed it up in the microwave so that you would have some relief. He went back to the room and laid it gently on your lower abdomen “will this last while I shower?” You nodded as you were already drowsy from some medicine you took earlier “I love you..”

Jake: You and Jake were out shopping when you had gotten your period, you were tracking as usual but you weren’t supposed to get it until next week so you were wearing white. You didn’t realize until you felt Jake come up behind you while you were putting some clothes on your hand and he wrapped his flannel around your hips, “I thought you were tracking your cycle baby?” He said quietly as to not embarrass you, and you quickly realized what he meant since you must have leaked without anything and you immediately whined “how bad is it?” He hesitated “I don’t think anyone saw it” as soon as he said that you knew it was bad “okay I had a tampon in my purse I’m gonna go to the bathroom at least..” you sighed “I don’t have anything to change into though” he took the items you had on your hand “ don’t worry about that, just go to the bathroom and I’ll pay for these.” You shook your head “you can’t do that” “I can and I will, and when you’re done changing we can get some more so you’ll feel better when the cramps hit” you pouted and kissed his cheek “thank you baby.”

Sunghoon: you were spending the night at the dorm for a Christmas movie marathon, warm popcorn, hot coco, and cookies were the snacks. Everything was going smooth and good until you got up to use the bathroom, once you were in there sunghoon wanted to turn up the volume so he reached for the remote that was on your side but stopped when he saw the dark red spot on his sheets, and not a small mark either, like a pool of blood. He didn’t feel any disgust or anything but instead he got up and went to the bathroom, knocking on the door he said “hey babe, you good?” You cracked the door open, “no. I started my period..” he nodded and knew you’d need to borrow some pants, “yeah It got on the sheets..” you closed the door and groaned in embarrassment after that “I’m so sorry hoon!” He chuckled “I don’t care I have more sheets, I should have some feminine products in the cabinet there.” Once he heard you searching he went back to his room and grabbed some pajama pants with a pair of boxers. Once he got back he knocked again “I brought a change of clothes, I don’t have any panties so you’re gonna have to use boxers.” You opened the door and took it from his hands, closing the door after. The door opened again after a few minutes and your face had a frown while he just cackled, “it’s not funny!” The clothes did not fit at all, “oh my gosh, did you tie the pants?” You nodded “duh it doesn’t get any tighter than this” you pulled the waistband which was still loose. He shook his head and calmed down from laughing “just wear the boxers it’s fine, nothing I haven’t seen before” your face flushed and you pushed past him “I’m so fed up with you” he rolled his eyes and followed you back to his room where y’all changed the sheets after.

Sunoo: sitting on sunoo’s lap was fairly normal for y’all, especially while doing your skincare, together of course. Sunoo had a face mask on while you had a blackhead nose strip on and a few pimple patches too, you were both in matching pajamas that had lilac stripes on them. “You look so cute like this” he smiled at you as he said that, the urge to bit his cheeks nearly getting the best out of you, “something I wanna squeeze you so hard you pop, but I can’t…cause then you would die” he stared at you for a second before nodding “and were moving on.” You laughed quietly to yourself and heard the oven ding meaning your cookies were done, “oo! I’ll go get those!” You got off his lap excitedly and ran to the kitchen, he went to follow you but his hip hit the side of the vanity making one of your products fall to the floor, being the best boyfriend he is he got up to grab it but once his eyes landed on his pants and he saw blood on his pajamas he yelped. He assumed he was injured or something until you came into the room “are you okay? I heard you scre-“ your eyes widened, knowing you must have started your period, “oh my gosh sunoo, I can get the stain out I’m sorry, I wasn’t supposed to have my period till the end of the month.” He shook his head and smiled at you reassuringly “it’s fine I’ll just change, we have more matching pajamas, and I’m sure you leaked so you have to change too.” Once everything was cleaned up and you had both changed you were cuddled into your bed watching “How the Grinch stole Christmas.”

Jungwon: you and jungwon were at an amusement park when your cramps had started to act up, stuck on a bench while holding your stomach but trying not to be dramatic about it was difficult. Jungwon offered to drive y’all home but you didn’t wanna ruin the day for him too. “Y/n I don’t mind at all, I’d rather take you home where I know you’re comfortable than ride some dumb rollercoaster.” He helped you up and led you to the car “wonie I don’t even feel that ba-“ just then you felt like you were gonna throw up, he noticed immediately and opened the car door, grabbed out a paper bag from where y’all had eaten and handed it to you while you threw up for a minute or two he tried to cover you as much as possible so you wouldn’t be embarrassed. This worried him since you had never thrown up while on your period before, when you were done he grabbed a napkin and wiped your mouth “see? We can get a cup of ice on the way home okay?” You nodded and got into the car, agreeing easily to that idea.

Niki: The only time Niki really had to deal with being around girls that were on their period was with his sisters, so he was sort of prepared whenever you were on yours. He currently was washing the sheets while you kept apologizing for leaking on them “I literally don’t care babe, it’s just cloth” he poked your cheek “besides this way I can get you to make my bed” you glared at him and just stormed off to which he followed you “oh come on I was joking!” You sighed and sat on the couch with a pout “jokes are meant to be funny.” You stated and he rolled his eyes “wanna play Mario kart then?….” After you didn’t answer he sighed “I can’t see if sunoo wants to play so y’all can team up against me?” He saw your lip twitch “is that a smile?” You sighed and smiled “just go get sunoo.”

[kayr0ss]

Phishing Attack [Sulemio Fanfic]

[Gundam: The Witch from Mercury / GWitch, Sulemio, Fluff & Humor, post-canon, married, miorine is down bad, lmfao, self-inudlgent office shenanigans] AO3 Link

Summary: Unfortunately for her, Miorine falls for the IT department's phishing attack test email and has to go through GUND-ARM, Inc's mandatory security training. Fortunately for her, it seems her wife, of all people, was the one teaching it.

-

"Uhm—"

This poor kid. Miorine was going to have a talk with Nuno about this, because there was absolutely no reason for him to send the newest tech support hire to her office for something he could have emailed her about. She wonders if he and Ojelo placed a bet on whether or not he would do it. That wouldn't do. She'd have to give them an earful after all this.

Or, even better, she'd tell Lilique. No one liked to get on Lilique's bad side.

"Is everything okay?" She crossed her arms, trying to school her expression into something... nicer? It didn't look like it was working, because he visibly gulped.

"P—President! I'm here because you—uh. Email."

"Email?"

He looked down towards his feet, his voice barely over a whisper. "...test email that IT had sent out."

Miorine pinched the bridge of her nose, doing her best to even out her breathing. "Hey. It's okay, I don't bite. I can barely hear you."

"You clicked on a phishing test email! That—that IT sent out. Kargan-san told me, to tell you, that you have to attend mandatory training or else your email access was going to get revoked."

She frowned, eyes flitting to her laptop, unable to keep an incredulous huff at bay. Phishing email? She was usually really careful about this, when did she even—she paused.

She remembers now. Last night, while working late from home, she received an email from what she thought was a travel agency. She had been looking into booking a vacation for their family, and wanted to sign up for their newsletter and so she—oh. She clicked a link.

She sighed, deep and weary, leaning forward on her desk. "Thank you," she waved at the young man. "I'll go talk to Nuno."

He sighed in relief, said his greetings, and left.

-

"He looked terrified! Why would you do that?" She growled across the lunch table towards Nuno, who was holding up his tray in defense. "You could have told me yourself!"

"But how was he supposed to learn? Besides, it's a good time to work on rapport-building, for you!"

"That doesn’t make any sense." She slammed down her coffee mug, visibly irritated. "And also totally targeted. You knew that I was planning a vacation for us."

"What, did you think phishing attacks were just randomly cast nets? These things have gotten more sophisticated! Especially for C-suite individuals like you. Do you know what kind of cybersecurity liability it would have been if your email got compromised?"

"I know that!" Miorine groaned in frustration. "Fine, I'll do the training. But really? Revoking my email access?"

"Hey—you signed off on the ops manual yourself!"

"You have to set an example for following the rules, Miorine-san." Aliya laughed.

And she was right. And Miorine hated it. But she always resented authority who didn't play fair, so she was going to do her best to set a good example. She went back to eating, stabbing at her potato wedges with unnecessary force, making Nuno and Ojelo grimace with each stab.

"By the way," he elbowed Ojelo, who was dejectedly playing with his salad. "You owe me. I told you she'd fall for it."

"You two are impossible!"

-

"There's no way they got you too." Miorine deadpanned, looking at the only other person seated in the conference room. It had several long tables, arranged in a U-configuration, and had high-backed leather office chairs that rolled themselves back to place when you clapped. She thought it was a bit much, but... Nika liked over-engineering things, so here they were.

Nika smiled sheepishly. "They sent me an email for a parts sale. I clicked the link without thinking too much."

"A sale?" Miorine almost laughed. "Nika, your department has the highest budget."

"No, not for work—it was uhm. For mobile suit figures?" She twiddled her thumbs. "The little models I like to build?"

Miorine couldn't even be upset. She actually laughed this time (“They were full mechanics! I couldn’t resist!”). Everyone had their weaknesses, it seemed.

"So this is the training video we made for all the new hires, and whoever else needs it." Ojelo was setting the screen up. "It's about an hour long—"

"An hour?" Miorine slammed her palms on the desk.

"Yes, an hour!" He barked back, crossing his arms. "Obviously, since you two are here—our literal president and the person who designs all our prototypes—we need it! I can hardly think of two worse people to fail this test."

Miorine sighed, covering her face with her hands, because he was right.

"Let's just get this over and done with."

The holo-screen flickered to life, Ojelo waved them goodbye, and then Miorine's jaw dropped because—

[Hello there, GUND-ARM, Inc.!]

She knew that voice. It was only the title screen, without showing the speaker, but she knew. 

Then the video feed finally came on, and she swallowed: it was Suletta. She was smiling sweetly at the viewer, wearing a business suit that had GUND-ARM, Inc's pin on the blazer’s lapel. She felt the air rush out her lungs, and jolted upright from her seat.

[Welcome to the first module of Cybersecurity 101! My name is Suletta Mercury-Rembran, and I—]

Miorine felt her mouth dry up because why?

She whipped her head towards Nika. "Why is my wife teaching the cybersecurity training?!"

She briefly remembers Suletta mentioning something about getting filmed for a GUND-ARM, Inc. video. It was quite a while ago, and Miorine figured it was just another marketing campaign, but she didn't realize that it might have also been this.

"I mean," Nika shrugged. "She is a literal teacher. I imagine out of all of us she's the most qualified to conduct a training."

Which. Okay. Fair—it made sense! But still—why?

Miorine ran her hand through her hair, grounding herself. Why did she look so good even on screen? Who's idea was it? Did she want to thank them or throttle them? 

Why on this ridiculous Earth was she so goddamn attractive?

(A rhetorical question, for sure: she knew with absolute certainty that that was simply a truth of this world.)

[Let's start with the basics: What exactly is a phishing attack?]

-

[14:47 SEST] Nika : It kind of feels like I should leave T_T

[14:47 SEST] Ojelo: lmaooooooooooo

[14:49 SEST] Nika: please let me leave

[14:53 SEST] Nuno: I'm sorry but u are also literally a security risk until u learn this so u can't

[14:54 SEST] Nika: fml

-

It was almost impossible to listen, but also impossible to look away. Miorine put an honest effort into taking down notes, into remembering the tell-tale signs of a fake domain name and the most common typing mistakes made in phishing emails. They even had little quizzes in between that they had to take on their phone before moving onto the next section. Apparently, failing those meant having to take the training again and... and, well, that was both pleasant and terribly embarrassing.

At the halfway point, Miorine had crossed her arms, flushed deeply, and sighed.

"You okay, Miorine-san?" Nika poked her on the shoulder.

Suletta had just flashed another charming smile on screen, congratulating the viewer for finishing this section.

"She's so—" Miorine slowly tipped over, leaning forward, and planted her face on the table, muttering. "—pretty."

-

[Don't forget! Urgent language and unsecured links are really good tells! Are you feeling ready for your next test? Once again, please check your company phone's training app, and—]

Miorine pulled out her phone. She was so ready for this quiz. She had been locked in and could probably recite company policy backwards at this point.

Nika, for the fifteenth time within the past forty-five minutes, tried not to keel over laughing.

-

[Still there?]

Sang Suletta's sweet, whimsical voice.

[Thanks for sticking with it! Good job, we're almost through! You're doing great!]

Miorine had nearly snapped her stylus in half, blushing, but she powered on in the name of professionalism and—spite. For Nuno and Ojelo, of course. Not Suletta.

She checked her watch. They weren't kidding about it taking no less than an hour. She leaned back into her chair, unable to deny the fact that it was nice to take a short break from paperwork and checking spreadsheets all afternoon.

-

She had bolted out the room as soon as the training was done.

"Leaving in a hurry?" Sabina caught her haphazardly stuffing all her things into her leather folio.

"Yes."

It was a Thursday, which meant Suletta didn't have an afternoon class to teach, which meant she was already home by now.

"I'll call for the car, then." She hummed.

"Thank you."

Miorine almost forgot her keys, fishing them out her drawer before grabbing her coat off the back of her chair. It was probably windy, but she was in too much of a hurry to bother putting it on, instead bundling it in her arms with her folio.

-

Suletta was surprised to hear the jingle of Miorine's keys so early in the afternoon. 

She looked up from the book she was reading, happy to see the front door swing open. She carefully got up, a smile on her face.

"Miorine! You're home early—" she stopped in her tracks. "You look mad. Why do you look mad?"

And—in the most confusing three seconds of her life—Miorine had pulled her in by the collar, gotten up to her tip-toes, and kissed her. 

Honest to god kissed her.

"Whoa," she mumbled against Miorine's lips in a daze. She leaned forward a little, settling her free hand on Miorine's waist, bending down so that her wife didn't have to struggle reaching her.

Finally pulling back, Suletta gave her a hesitant smile. "I missed you too?"

"I clicked a stupid phishing email."

What? Suletta blinked, stupefied, wondering what that had to do with the fact that Miorine was shrugging her coat off and kissing her—again.

"An—" she took a breath "—email?"

"Yeah." Miorine pushed them towards the hallway, and Suletta awkwardly stumbled along with her. "How are you so—so—"

"Eh?” Suletta’s brows furrowed. “Me? What do you mean?"

“So…” Miorine had a frown and the prettiest blush Suletta had ever seen. "Beautiful. In the training video."

There was an almost-audible click in Suletta's head. 

She finally put two and two together. 

"Oh!" She gasped. "Oh no, they made you watch the training video?" She laughed. "That must have been funny. I was so embarrassed filming it!"

"I think you did great." Miorine was still pushing her, having kicked off her shoes now.  She fished the book out of Suletta's hand ("Hey!") and placed it on the nearest table. "But I might have already forgotten the whole thing."

Miorine hastily felt for the door knob to their bedroom, swinging it open and pulling Suletta in by her shirt.

"Miorine!"

"You should remind me again."

-

fin

-

A/N:

Thank you to @saltypyrotato for once again beta reading this! You're the best broski! This is basically some self-indulgent office shenanigans that I can't help but imagine would happen lmaoooo

[honeyhoneypp]

Hii I Iove ur op hcs!! Could you maybe do a hc on the monster trio reacting to their partner being pregnant out of notice?

A Good Mother

One Piece men with a pregnant girlfriend

What is wrong with your body? You wonder why you have been feeling sick lately, or why you haven't had your period even though it's been 3 months, or why your body has been feeling heavier and your stomach look rounder. You have also been craving food, but at the same time, food makes you feel sick. Could it be possible that..?

Female pronouns! Fluff + some angst on Zoro’s part

==================================

L U F F Y

At first he didn’t really noticed your mood swings or food cravings, he just thought you wanted to be stronger like him! So he didn’t get worried, but he did notice how you started to get sick, which really worried him.

But what got him worried sick was when you suddenly fainted in the middle of a battle, he thought the enemy had hurt you, but Chopper quickly grabbed you and brought you back to the ship.

==================================

Luffy was fighting the captain of a random pirate crew that got in his way, you were fighting one of the pirates but suddenly you started to feel dizzy, your vision became blurry and your legs started to get weak, and suddenly everything went completely black.

Luffy watched as you fell to the ground, thinking that the pirate had hurt you, he quickly stretched out his arm to hit the pirate in the face and easily knocked him out.

Luffy— “____!” — The captain tries to stab Luffy but he was quick to dodge __

Chopper— He quickly picks you up — “I got her, Luffy! Don’t worry”

When you finally wake up you were on bed, Chopper was sitting next to you.

Chopper— “Oh! You’re awake!”

— “Chopper..? W-What happened?”

Chopper— “You fainted in the middle of a battle, ____”

— “I did?”

Chopper— Nod — “Do you have any idea why this can be? Have you been drinking water, sleeping, have you been anxious?”

— “I’ve been hydrating myself and sleeping well, and I’m not anxious…”

Chopper— “I should probably run some blood tests to see if you have low sugar levels..”

— “I… I don’t think that’ll be necessary.”

Chopper— “Hm? Why is that, ____?”

— “I’ve been feeling weird lately”

Chopper— “Tell me more”

—“I’ve been having some weird food cravings, sometimes I just want to eat everything, but other times I can’t even look at food or I feel like I’m going to throw up. And I haven’t had my period for about 3 months now, I think… and also… I’ve been feeling my body a little bit heavier, and I’ve noticed that my stomach has gotten rounder too.”

You stand up and pull your shirt up to show Chopper that indeed your stomach looks rounder than before.

Chopper— “____… when was the last time you had sexual relations?”

— You sit back on the bed — “I think it was exactly 3 months ago… Chopper, you don’t think I’m pregnant right..?”

Chopper— “Well, those are signs of a pregnancy, but if you used protection then it’s probably something else. You used protection right?”

— “No.”

Chopper— He sighs — “You had sexual relations with Luffy, right?”

— “Yeah…”

Chopper— “____, I think you’re pregnant, but I’ll have you do a pregnancy test to be sure”

Chopper quickly went to look for something in his cabinets, then he came back with 3 pregnancy tests and 2 cups, one with water and the other one empty.

Chopper— “Here, drink this” — He hands you the cup of water and you drink it, then he hands you the empty cup and the 3 pregnancy tests — “I need you to urinate in this cup and then put the tip of the pregnancy tests inside the cup and leave it for around 10 seconds. Then bring the tests to me, got it?”

— “Okay…”

You quickly run to the restroom with all the things, you urinate in the cup and put the pregnancy tests inside of it, one at a time and then you wait for the results to appear.

After some minutes you start seeing how 2 lines start to appear on the pregnancy result.

— “Does this mean… that I’m pregnant?”

You throw the cup away and quickly go into Chopper’s office, you hand him the 3 pregnancy tests and he readers each one of them.

Chopper— “____, you are indeed pregnant. And since you had sexual relations 3 months ago, I’ll guess you’re already 3 months pregnant.”

— “I-“

Luffy open the door aggressively, he just came from defeating the whole pirate crew and quickly came to see how you were.

Luffy— “____! Are you okay?!” — He grabs your shoulders —

— “Y-Yes, Luffy. I’m okay”

Chopper— He taps your leg — “Do you want to tell him or should I tell him?”

— “Please tell him…” — You sit back on the bed —

Luffy— “Huh? Tell me what?”

Chopper— “Luffy, these are really important news, don’t freak out”

Luffy— “What do you mean? Just spit it out already”

Chopper— “____ is pregnant.”

Luffy— “Pregnant? You mean she has a baby in her tummy?”

Chopper— “Yes”

Silence filled the room, Luffy just stared at chopper and then at you. You were anxious, you didn’t know how he would take these news.

Luffy— He scratches his neck — “Okay.”

Chopper— “What do you mean ‘okay?!’ Luffy, this is something serious! Having a baby is a big responsibility!”

Luffy— “She’s just carrying a baby in her tummy, what’s the big deal?”

Chopper— “Luffy, are you not listening to yourself?! She’s carrying a baby! That means she won't be able to fight anymore, she'll be vulnerable to any kind of attack for at least 6 months! And after those 6 months you'll have to take care of a human baby that doesn't know how to defend itself!”

Luffy— “Shishishi, it’s okay, I’ll protect both of them! But if I can’t I trust you guys in protecting them! I think it’s a fun idea of having a little guy or girl running around the ship!”

Chopper— He sighs — “Luffy-”

— You put your hand on Chopper’s head — “Chopper, it’s alright. Trust him when he says he or his crew will protect us” — You smile at him —

Chopper— “Well I guess you’re right… Then I’ll protect you, ____!”

— You giggle — “I’m sure you will!”

Later that night

You were laying down in bed, Luffy had his head on your abdomen.

Luffy— “I can’t believe you have a baby here, that’s so funny. How did that even happened? Did you swallowed the little guy or girl?”

— “What? No! Luffy, do you seriously don’t know how I got pregnant?”

Luffy— he shakes his head —

— Sigh — “Remember that night? That night where I made you feel good and you also made me feel so good?”

Luffy— He thinks for a moment — “Oh yeah! That! Shishishi, that was a fun game, we should do it again”

— You laugh — “You’re right. But that’s the reason I got pregnant”

Luffy— “Oh, okay.”

— “You don’t understand, right?”

Luffy— He laughs — “Nope!”

— You smile at him — “You’ll understand someday, let’s go to sleep.”

Luffy falls asleep with his head on your abdomen, he didn't understand what was happening to your body or how big of a responsibility was taking care of a baby, but he knew he had to be more protective of you. After all, you're carrying his and your baby! And he's excited to see the baby.

Z O R O

He didn't really notice how your eating habits had changed, but he did notice your mood swings, he didn't want to think too much about it. I mean, they're normal, right? Maybe you're on that thing girls call "period."

But then he started to get worried when it had been over a week and you were still having the same mood swings, you're the person he tolerates the most, after Luffy of course. But he started to get annoyed by how you started crying over the smallest things, making you have a small argument.

==================================

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, he was frustrated, he made you cry by raising his voice at you for questioning him about spending time together... why did he raise his voice at you? He was mentally insulting himself.

Then suddenly Sanji opened the door aggressively.

Sanji— “Hey, marimo” — He said with an aggressive tone —

Zoro— “Hm? What do you want?”

Sanji— “____, she fainted, she’s at Chopper’s office right now”

Zoro— “…What? She fainted?! Why?!”

Sanji— “I have no idea, I found her on the kitchen”

Zoro— He quickly stands up to go to the door — “Damn it!”

Sanji— He grabs his shoulder making him stop — “I heard how you raised your voice at her this morning, don’t you ever dare to hurt her feelings again or I’ll kick your ass”

Zoro doesn't say anything, he just slaps Sanji’s hand off his shoulder, but Sanji was right, he shouldn't have raised his voice at you. He quickly went to Chopper's office to check on you.

Zoro— “Chopper!”

Chopper— He flinches — “Zoro! You scared me!”

— “Zoro..?”

Zoro— “____! Oh, good you’re alright.” — He hugs you —

Chopper— “Yes, she just fainted because of being stressed, it’s nothing serious don’t worry”

Zoro— “…____, I’m really sorry for raising my voice at you this morning, I shouldn’t have done that… It was so stupid of me”

— “It’s okay, Zoro. I just been sensitive these past few days because I- I’m pregnant…”

Zoro— He freezes on place, did he heard you right? — “What did you said?”

— “I’m pregnant.”

Zoro— “You’re pregnant… Chopper, is that true? Is a baby actually growing inside of her?”

Chopper— “Yes, it’s true, those are the consequences of having unprotected sex”

Zoro— “So… how long do we have to wait for the baby to come out?”

Chopper— “Well since the last time you both had sexual relations was 3 months ago… I’ll say you have 6 months left.”

Zoro— “Well, what am I supposed to do now? Is she going to be okay?”

Chopper— “She’ll be okay, she just won’t be able to do a lot of psychical activity, like fighting.”

Zoro— “She won’t?!”

Chopper— “Yes, she’s carrying a baby so she won’t be able to do a lot of stuffs”

Zoro— “But what if I’m not able to protect her…”

— “Zoro…”

Chopper— “Don’t worry, Zoro. That’s why you have your crewmates! We’ll also protect ____!”

Zoro— “You’re right, thank you Chopper…”

Chopper— he nods — “If you guys ever need parenting advices please let me know! I’ll be studying more about human babies to help you guys.”

— “Thank you, Chopper, you’re the best doctor”

Chopper— He gets bashful — “Oh, you big dummy! Complimenting me like that doesn’t make me a bit happy, why would that make me happy?” — He says while doing a cute little dance —

— You giggle — “Whatever you say, Chopper.”

It was already afternoon, you were with Zoro in the crow's nest, he was resting with his head on your lap after a hard day of training.

— “Zoro, you should get some rest, you can’t be training hard everyday without rest.”

Zoro— “I can’t… I need to get stronger, and since you’re pregnant I’ll have to train way more”

— “It’s okay, Zoro. You heard what Chopper said, they’ll also protect me! Don’t you trust them?”

Zoro— “I do trust them, ____. But I want to be the one that protects you, what if everyone gets defeated? What will happen to you and our baby?

— “Zoro…”

Zoro— “And don't get me wrong, I'm very happy that we're going to have a baby... but I'm just worried, you know that my dream is to become the greatest swordsman and I train hard every day to achieve it, but that doesn't give me much time to spend with you.”

— You listen to him carefully —

Zoro— “I want to be there for you, I want to be a good father and boyfriend, but I also have my own dreams and you know that and I don’t want us to argue for that, like we did in the morning, it’s not good for you or the baby.”

— “I understand, Zoro. I’m sorry I acted that way this morning… being pregnant is hard, it can make you more sensitive or have mood swings, or that’s what Chopper told me… So I’ll need you to be patient with me too”

Zoro— He smiles at you and sits next to you — “I understand, ____. I’ll try my best to be a good boyfriend for you and our baby”

— “I know you’ll be a good father, Zoro”

Zoro puts his hand on your abdomen and feels the small bump.

Zoro— “I can’t wait to see if it’s a boy or a girl… Either way, I’ll teach them to be the next greatest swordsman.”

He's a little stressed about the idea of ​​having a baby, as he doesn't want to make you feel alone due to his constant training, but he'll make sure to figure something out, and now you understand that too.

S A N J I

He was quick to notice your mood swings and cravings, noticing how sometimes you just wanted to eat the weirdest combinations or the entire refrigerator or how sometimes you couldn't stand the smell or sight of food.

Of course, he was very worried. Did you want to try new foods that he didn't know about? Did you get bored of his food? He couldn't go on with this, so he decided to ask you because he needed answers immediately.

==================================

Sanji was in the kitchen preparing your favorite meal. He noticed that you didn't eat the meal he made this morning. He thought that you probably just didn't like what he made, but he was also thinking about other things.

Did you start to get bored with his cooking? Did you hate the food he was preparing? Or why haven't you been eating the food he's been preparing for you these past few days?

After finishing preparing the meal, he quickly walked out of the kitchen and went to the girl’s room. When he arrived, he knocked on the door, and you lazily said, "Come in."

Sanji— He opens the door and comes inside the room — “My love! I prepared your favorite dish!”

— “Oh, Sanji! Aw, you didn't have to, sweetie”

Sanji— “My love, I noticed that you didn't eat this morning, so you're probably hungry right now”

— “I'm not! I swear I'm okay!”

Sanji— "Are you getting bored of my food? Don't you like it anymore? You haven't been eating any of the food I've been preparing these past few days."

— “Oh, sweetie, it's none of that I swear! F-” — You quickly cover your mouth, you feel like you are going to throw up again —

Sanji— “My love?”

You quickly ran out of the room, you weren't going to be able to go all the way to the restroom to throw up so you had to lean onto the ship rail and throw up everything you had on your stomach.

Sanji follows you and he starts patting your back, letting you know that he's here if you need anything.

Sanji— "____?! Are you okay? Do you need anything? Some water? Should I call Chopper?!"

— “Sanji, I can't stand the smell of food, I have barely been eating because of that... I think I'm sick, please take me to Chopper”

He nods, then he picks you up and takes you to Chopper’s office when he arrives he opens the door with his foot.

Chopper— He turns his head to the door — “Sanji?! ____!? What happened to her?”

Sanji— “She’s been feeling sick lately, she can't stand the smell of food or she feels like she throws up, please, Chopper, do something!”

Chopper— “Okay, please put her on bed.”

Sanji doesn't say anything else and he generally out you on the bed. He's really worried, what if it's something serious? What if it's some kind of sickness that not even Chopper can cure?

Chopper— “Okay, ____, please tell me your symptoms”

— “These past few days I've been feeling like I want to throw up just smelling the food, I have also been noticing that my stomach has been getting rounder, and I've also been feeling more sensitive.”

Chopper— He thinks for a moment — “When was the last time you got your period?”

— “I haven't gotten my period for 3 months now”

Chopper— He gasps — “Could it be that… ____, when was the last time you had sexual relations?!”

— “3 months ago… wait…”

Chopper— “But you used protection right?!”

Sanji— “Um…”

— “…No”

Chopper— “____… I think you're pregnant”

Sanji— “SHE’S WHAT?!”

— “What?! A-Are you sure!?”

Chopper— “I'm sure, but to be more sure I'll need you to take some pregnancy tests”

Chopper quickly ran to the cabinet and gave you a pregnancy test and a cup.

Chopper— “You’ll need to urinate in this cup, and then put the tip of the pregnancy test inside the cup, if it has 2 lines then that means you're pregnant… but if it has one line then it means you aren't pregnant. Any questions?”

You nod at everything Chopper says, how is Sanji taking this? Does he even want to be a father?

Sanji— He coughs — “So, Chopper, I have a question.”

Chopper— “Go ahead”

Sanji— “If she's pregnant…” — His eyes turn into hearts — “Does this mean her breasts will get bigger?!”

Chopper— “Yes indeed, they'll also get more sensitive and could probably leak breast milk, it's something normal but it could be embarrassing for ____.”

Sanji— “Bigger… sensitive… and they leak milk?!” — His nose starts bleeding —

— “Sanji!” — Your face turns red —

Chopper— “Sanji!?”

Later that night, after Chopper performed a blood transfusion on Sanji, and you took the pregnancy test that indeed came out positive, Sanji is still resting in bed. However, you are feeling impatient and decide to show him the pregnancy test now.

You open Chopper’s office and see Sanji resting on the bed, but he isn't asleep, he is just staring at the ceiling.

— “Sanji?”

Sanji— “____-love! Was the pregnancy test positive?!”

— You hand him the pregnancy test — “It is…”

Sanji— His eyes shine — “My love! We're having a baby! I can't believe this I real!”

He stands up picks you up and gently puts you on the bed.

— “Sanji, are you actually happy? I mean, do you really want to have a baby?”

Sanji— “Of course I am happy! I always wanted to start a family with you! Oh, this is the best day of my life!” — He starts filling your face with his kisses —

— You giggle — “Stop that! It tickles!”

Sanji— He laughs — “I'm sorry I'm just really happy!”

— “I'm happy too, but I won't be able to fight while I'm pregnant…”

Sanji— “You don't have to worry about that, ____. You know I'll always protect you!”

— You smile at him — “I'm sure you will”

Sanji— “I love you so much, sweetheart”

— “I love you too”

This man is happy about the idea of having a baby. He knows you will be a wonderful mother, and he is excited to see the changes your breasts will have. However, that's not all he cares about, he cares about your well-being and commodity, and will always be there for you if you ever need something. Trust me, he‘ll be the good father he never had. (biologically)

==================================

The three of them have their own opinions about having a baby, but even with different opinions, the three of them will be great fathers! And they trust their crewmates to take care of you anytime they can't! <3

Please let me know if I made spelling mistakes, some things don’t make sense or got their personality wrong!

[sanjisblackasswife]

So.... Hello! I'm not Very good at english since it's not my language but here we Go. I wanna to say i really love your art (from fanarts to your write style) and i Hope you have a good day today. Anyway i don't know If your ask are ope but How the Monsters trio Will react with they being your First in everthing! (Like First Kiss, First love, First s*x, etc) you can do nsfw-ish If you wanted

aww thank u!:) I am not going to go into grave detail because I am already doing a “First time” series with them but i like this request💓imma do it moreso where you’re THEIRS if thats alright

Being the Monster Trio’s First (NSFW-ish)

Black Fem Reader in Mind

CW: Mentions of sex

I am half sleep and typing this all in one go so mb for my spelling errors im just making up for lost time not posting consistently because school and coms☹️

Being Luffy’s First:

Crush: Being his crush is no different from being his best friend, he isn’t a very romantic guy if he likes you he will just tell you, “Y/N I think about you a lot, and I also think you may have a Lust DF power because when I think of you i get hard.” Bless him he is very blunt. BUT he does mean what he says so..be nice?

Kiss: Probably the most anticlimactic thing ever. Luffy already licks your face, hugs, and touches you a lot so when he starts running at you after a fight to see if you’re okay BAM. His lips smack into yours like a bowling ball and honestly. It’s cute. Completely uncoordinated, damn near sucked your bottom lip off, but…there was just something so addictive and attractive to his kiss that made you want more

Love: Very odd in his case. He just thought he liked you a lot. The signs were evident though, when you tell him he doesn’t deny it persay he moreso brushes it off because being in love is so new to him. However being his first love is something you can’t forget. He reminds you everyday why you’re important. Why he loves you. And why he fell in love with you.

Sexual Encounter: It was fun! You both were inexperienced. He didn’t know what hole to enter, you were shocked by how long he can stretch his dick. You both even spent the night laughing more than actually having sex, but once it came down to business it was a learning experience for you both. He was so attentive to make sure you were okay you felt yourself crying a little afterwards at how gentle he was with you.

Being Zoro��s First:

crush: He’s actually more of an asshole to you Not even on purpose he just doesn’t want to admit his feelings towards you. You’re beautiful, sweet, and charming and dammit he hates that he has feelings and how you always mess them up when you’re around him! He feels so powerless so please be gentle with him…or put him on blast. It maybe attractive to the mf.

Kiss: Awkward, awkward, awkward. He isn’t the rizzmaster okay. Yes he is pretty and he knows it but he is crap to flirting. absolutely crap. He was so hot in the face when you did the first move and kissed him he was a stuttering mess and pulled you back in for another kiss to prevent you from laughing at him. His kisses wasn’t BAD but …just practice with him. Yeah it was awkward but seeing your face so close and personal, smelling your scent. He couldn’t get enough.

Love: DENIAL IS A RIVER IN EGYPT Absolutely ridiculous how in denial he was. Everytime someone even said the word love he’d get so mad because that word applied to you in so many ways. He fell for you and he couldn’t do anything about it. You were the one opponent he could not beat and honestly, he didn’t want to. He fell for you and he fell so hard that it actually makes him nervous to be around you. He doesn’t know whether he loves you or hates you now for being so irresistible to him. Eventually he comes to terms with it and once it does and you feel the same way. Good luck getting rid of him.

Sexual Encounter: You taught him everything. He didn’t know his way from the clit to your ass. It took a lot of trial and error, sex wasn’t really NEW to him. He has seen porn but it’s completely different from films and pictures so sometimes he would back down when making out got too far, eventually he needed that release one late night while cuddling you and even though he could have went to the bathroom you stopped him and …helped him out. Let’s just say Zoro is so grateful he didn’t pussy out this go round!

Being Sanji’s First:

Crush: Sanji is an interesting guy because any woman that knows Sanji knows he is a mixture of a flirt and just having amazing manners for women. You however was just above the usual women he served to. Being his crush was an experience because you seen a side to Sanji most women don’t get to see. You seen him stand up straighter, sly comments that made your heart melt, and even kept his cool…too cool in fact. He really was Mr. Prince for you.

Kiss: The first kiss he planned it out. He knew his feelings about you and that you felt the same so he needed to plan it just right not just for him, but for you as well. The kiss was so soft and delicate you almost didn’t feel it. And that was because he shy’ed away for a moment, scared his sudden bold move would have you smack him, Luckily, he didn’t have to worry feeling your hands cup his cheek to kiss him back. He still touches his lips when he thinks about that time you kissed him.

Love: I mean man…you really are a blessed woman because out of all of the others he has seen and been with he chose you and only you. it’s insane really. He tries in his entire will to not mess this opportunity to find true love up. You being his first love he watches his mouth and actions around you more, He tries his hardest not to ruin the view you have of him and it shows. If you can just reassure him you love him for him and not who he thinks he needs to be. Sanji needs the confirmation that you love him almost as much as he loves you.

Sexual Encounter: LORD—- okay. okay. Just like Zoro trial and error HOWEVER. Much longer and worse. He really is still a pervert no matter how much in love he is with you so you have to take it very slow. Once you both are okay to be naked in front of each other he is back to being a shy boy so you constantly kiss and praise him, telling him how good he is for you, how well he is doing for his first time. You were so kind and patient with him, it never fails to leave a chill down his spine (in a good way) when he remembers that night of love making with you, and now that he has more experience he does nothing but reciprocate the same feelings back to you in bed.