#oops my bias is showing im sorry

[neowinestainedress]

- so what is hyuck wearing? nothing? oh fuck me. shirtless hyuck baking oh my god I DONT EVEN WANT TO STSRY

tbh i think i pictured him with just a shirt he was wearing underneath but you know what... i love this different point of view!!!

- of course, a relationship without an actual title, with hyuck, honestly i will take anything too.

unfortunately i love this dynamic way too much and i think it shows... oops...

I'M SORRY BUT I LOVE HOW YOU SAID "here's the crucial part" ten times lmao i'm sorry for making you suffer

- I SCREAMMMMM LIKE HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD WITH THIS??? 😭😭😭 like after all the narration and you put these 6 words in one simple paragraph, i just-- IT JUST FIT AND IT FIT PERFECTLY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU SO MYXH FOR WIRTING YEAH THIS IS MY SUSDEN CONFESSION IN THE MIDDLE OF RWADINF

THANK YOU OMG AOJSOAOSA

- YALL ARE ACADEMICALLY RIVALS BUT NOT RIVALS IN ROMANTIC FEELINGS OH MY GOD BUT YES I UNDERSTAND THAT BUT GOD THE TENSION WHY ARE SMART PEOPLE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE GODDAMN

it's the way this time it wasn't even about miscommunication but about pride ahskajsa

- lemme tell you both the answer, you two want to do it together. YEAH I KNOW THE CAREER PATH IS SO PERSONAL AND INDIVIDUAL BUT since you two are working on it together and it suddenly sparks the interest, it's because the two of you work on it together.

CONGRATULATIONS! you predicted the future

- STFU YOU TWO 😭😭 the way i want this to end here cuz lets be real im not ready for another misunderstanding (which i think there wil be or im just traumatised with hits different but i also want this to be longer CUZ YOU WRITE IT SO GOOD AND I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY BUT I ALSO WANT TO FEEL THE ANGST CUZ THAT IS WHAT BUILD FOR OH GODDDD IM SO INDECISIVE

omg i really traumatized people with hits different 😭😭😭 but i've been good this time, i think i should be forgiven

- FUCK YEAH I LOVE THE EVERLASTING ACADEMIC RIVALS EVEN WHEN ROMANTIC FEELING ALREADY OFFICIALLY INVOLVED

THIS!!! i hate when rivals/enemies get together and the tension dies i needed to make sure this wasn't the case!

-MY PARENTS???? GIRL THEY ARE MY PARENTS!!!!! - SHUT UP SHUT UPPPP OH MY GODDDDD THIS IS NOT HITS DIFFERENT 2.0 I CHEERS (well hits different does get their happy ending BUT OH MY GOD TO GET IT ON THE SAME FIC RIGHT AWAY GLDHSLSHSLSHSKS GOODBYE SANITY)

wait is this a pov question or am i just stupid and you're saying you love them so much they're you're parents 😭 I DON'T ALWAYS GO AROUND CAUSING HEARTBREAK I PROMISE!!!

DON'T WORRY! i love reading about your thoughts and it doesn't matter if it comes out a year after i posted the fic, i will always enjoy reading it! i'm glad you liked it, i love academic rivals to lovers but i'm also picky with this trope so to know someone who enjoys it loved this fic makes me really happy.

SO PEOPLE GET THE DETAILS I PUT IN THIS OMG THANK YOU!!! i mean i know it's stupid because if you bias haechan this are known things and i know that's why people don't come gag in my asks or comments and be like "omg you put this" but i still have to think about it and to write everything in a way it makes sense so i'm happy when people point it out 😭 OKAY I EVEN HAVE A SCENE OF THEM CALLING THEMSELVES WITH NICKNAMES "BEAR" AND "HONEY" THAT WOULD BE SO CORNY BUT ALSO CUTEEEEEE no no i agree and i LOVE THIS OMG it's canon that that's how they have each other saved in the contacts idc

the friendship wasn't even that present at the start but i really wanted her to find a group of people so here we are... yeah lmao i kinda forgot about it and i have the profiles half done (tbh i only had in mind to post the after of haechan and the mc, but simply because i have to make two of them if i want to add the reader and it would take time) i also have to post the song project design. i'll try to post it next week!

thank you so so so much for this! you have no idea how happy it makes me to know you like my writing so much! (toxic!hyuck is something we don't talk about around here (no but seriously we came a long way lol)) love you! 💙

wave | lee donghyuck (part two)

part 1 | masterpost | full fic not split in two

pairing: lee donghyuck x fem reader genre: college au, academics rivals to lovers, kinda fake dating, forced to work together on a project, smut, fluff, humor (idk), music major!haechan, music major!mc | not really requested but thank you 💌 anon for the inspo summary: your indifference toward Lee Donghyuck, also known as Haechan, becomes rivalry when he decides to sabotage you. The battle turns into a war, the war turns into a plan, and the plan, well, the plan fails miserably... or succeeds wonderfully. After all, it’s all about points of view. Or, Haechan thinks he found a way to distract you and be better than you, but doesn’t think it thoroughly and screws it up. warnings: smut, weed/alcool consumption, thigh riding, oral (receiving, giving), unprotected sex, teasing, etc | inclusivity notes: reader wears different hairstyles (no mention of texture, type and color), no mention of body type (but haechan lifts her a few times), no mention of skin color, no use of y/n wc: 20.3k (out of 42k)

a/n: here’s the second part. please if you liked it leave feedback (comments, reblogs, asks), i love knowing your opinions and it keeps me motivated to keep posting my writing. enjoy!

After too many dates, too many studying sessions together, and in general too much time spent together —even with his group of friends— you feel like this is a relationship that simply hasn’t been named, yet. Something about everything doesn’t feel like just sex and hate.

You’re fine like this, for once believing you can let loose a little and still do well in your studies.

Haechan, instead, thinks his plan is going amazingly. He knows he has you distracted, he knows he takes away your time, and he knows everything is technically perfect. But the plan is not the best made of his life, and the more time passes, the more he forgets about it, and the more he thinks about you.

He never planned to use you, that had to be clear. He just wanted to distract you with sex —something you both wanted to have— and give you a boyfriend experience so you could write the song in the best way possible. But in doing all that, he is more caught up in you —and not only because of the plan, he is just caught up in you— than in his studies.

It’s nine pm on Sunday after he dropped you home around four pm this afternoon. He made you meet his girl friends too for lunch and then you went back to his place to stay together for a while. But even if you spent almost the entire day together, he still misses you.

He rolls on his back as he goes into his contacts to text you again, he doesn’t have to scroll down, you’re second on the list since he last annoyed you forty minutes ago but you still haven’t replied. 

haechan: can you answer me?

haechan: i miss you : (

haechan: you didn’t even let me eat you out

haechan: you looked so pretty in that skirt i think it looks better with my head underneath it

haechan: fuck and now i’m hard thinking about you

mortal enemy: the only hard thing should be the books you should be studying on, remember we have a test tomorrow?

“Fuck,” he screams, sitting up. “What?”

He never forgets these things. He always writes them down in his agenda that he maniacally reads every day to make sure he’s always on time with his studying schedule. He can’t have forgotten about it. But, apparently, he did.

His thumb quickly wipes to call you and your answer doesn’t let him wait.

“I’m studying,” you huff annoyed as you pick up his phone call right away.

“Why would you go out with me if tomorrow we have a test?”

Your chuckle reaches his ear through the phone before he gets to hear your voice again. “Why not?”

“Don’t you want to be the top one? What about your grades? This adds up for the finals.” Panic fills his voice, he’s hoping you remembered just now and haven’t been studying since you went back, but you’re too relaxed for that to be true.

“Yeah, I know,” you reply, too calmly for his liking. Was his plan working? No, because you knew about it. And he completely erased the test, too busy thinking about you.

“And you go out?” He asks again as anxiety starts to take over him.

“Why would I lock myself up before a test? It’s not even that serious. There’s the topic you pick, and then like four questions that will surely be the main things we discussed in class, Professor Kim only knows one way of making tests.”

He groans, he can’t believe you’re always so ahead of him. “How do you know these things?”

“I use my brain,” you reply nonchalantly.  

“So you started studying… when you got home?”

“Last week.”

“Last week? Are you kidding me?” He screams so loud that he’s sure you have to move the phone from your ear.

You sigh, rubbing your temples, Haechan knows it, you always do that when he pisses you off somehow. “You didn’t open the book at least once until now?”  

“I…” I would usually read through the notes at least once a week, but I’ve been too busy. “I’ve… I read the notes, until some weeks ago. I got busy, okay?”

“Were you perhaps distracted by something Hyuck?” You ask teasingly, and he can see you twirl the end of your hair in your fingers while your tongue pokes at your cheek.

“Nothing distracts me,” he mutters, frowning even if you can’t see him.

“Then hang the call and try to read the notes at least, I’ll send you the recordings of the lessons, play them all night maybe something will stick to your brain.”

“Okay, bye. Wish me good luck, please,” he says, and you chuckle. “No seriously, don’t manifest against me, I need all your good energy.”

“I will, Hyuck. Just give it a quick read and then try to get as much sleep as possible. You have a brain and you’re smart with it, it’s better for you to be active tomorrow than force information that just won’t get in, alright?”

He hums, weirdly feeling a bit calmer at your words. “’kay, goodnight, babe.”

“Goodnight.”

Haechan sighs, slumping on the bed, boner long gone and anxiety on his chest, until the screen lights up again and a few messages from you show up.

mortal enemy: 10 audios + 10 files ‘music theory notes’ sent the audios anyway but my *perfect* notes should be enough to not make you pull up an all-nighter also don’t stress too much, I appreciate the act of chivalry to make me top this class grades again :;

He forgot about an exam, he didn’t study for it, yet he’s smiling like an idiot because of you.

Haechan’s screwed.

“So, how did it go?” You ask, blocking Haechan as soon as the bell rings and Professor Kim dismisses the class, letting you know the results will be in next week.

Haechan glares at you, and you suck your teeth. “Come on, it wasn’t that difficult,” you say, sitting on his desk, as he looks for something in his bag.

“I did great, I just don’t want to admit your notes are perfect and were enough to save my ass,” he says, and you can’t hold back the smile.

“You’re welcome,” you say, standing up and kicking him playfully with a swing of your hips.

“Hey! You could’ve made me fall,” he jokes, grabbing his bag before taking a step back so you can lead the way out of there. “And thank you.”

You chuckle, lowering your head to hide that dumb grin on your face. “You know, I wanted to ask you why we never revisited music theory but I thought you wanted to do it on your own, maybe you were scheming something against me.”

“What? I would never scheme against you,” he says as you start walking to lunch.

You stare at him with a raised brow, and he huffs. “It was in the past and you did it too. Also, what would I scheme?”

“I don’t know, maybe you sneaked into his office and stole the test to already know the answers?”

“That would be cheating, not beating you. There’s no fun in that,” he says, holding the door of the cafeteria open for you.

“You’re such a fair rival,” you joke as you head to the buffet to grab something to eat.

“Wait,” he stops you when your plates are full. “Why don’t you sit at our table? I hate seeing you eat alone.”

“Have you ever considered I can’t stand how loud your friends are?”

“Oh come on, you already deal with them when you come to my place.”

“Exactly.”

Haechan huffs, standing in front of you to stop you from going toward your table. “We can go to yours today.”

You furrow, lightly tilting your head to the side. “We don’t have anything to study.” You try to decipher his expression and think if you could get so distracted to forget something you had to work on or revisit.  “The song?”

He shakes his head. “I might…” he pauses, trying to find a way to say what he wants to say that’s not so humiliating, but then he gives up with a heavy sigh that rolls from his lips. “Okay, I need help.”

“You?” You scream, attracting some attention on you, and Haechan glares at you, pulling you to the sides so that the curious gazes can linger away from you.

“Yes, me,” he replies through gritted teeth. “It’s just a small thing, but I don’t get it.”

You smirk smugly and he rolls his eyes. “Fine, I can’t wait to tutor you,” you reply, starting to walk to his group of friends’ table.

“Why can’t I ever win with you?” He whispers, shaking his head and following you.

You’re not sure Haechan told you the truth. He is smart but he isn’t the best actor ever, and when he came to your place to try to understand that small thing he didn’t understand in sociology, you were pretty sure it was just an excuse. You explained it in less than five minutes, he got it too quickly and immediately started messing around.

You don’t mind it, though. You enjoy spending some time with him. He’s a good distraction. Surely you would’ve fixed some notes or listened to some lessons instead of… well, instead of being on his lap with your fingers in his hair and his hands on your ass, grinding on him.

You hold in a moan when he concentrates on your neck, kissing, biting, and sucking the spot that makes you shiver. And you’d like to go on like this, but you need more. So you shift on top of his thigh, while yours presses against his hardening dick and makes him growl.

“What are you do—”

“Shh,” you shush him quickly, pressing your thumb on his lips before replacing it with your lips. “Ouch,” you gasp when he bites on your lower lip. “Why did you do that?”

Haechan chuckles, shrugging before leaning close to you again. “Why not?”

You frown but have no intention of carrying it any further. You can feel your panties stick to your skin and you just want to come, not really caring if it’s just like this.

But the moment of intimacy, if you could call it that, gets interrupted by the buzzing of his phone in his pocket.

“God, just answer,” you yell when Haechan ignores the third call but whoever is on the other line has no intention to stop trying.

Haechan rolls his eyes as his right hand leaves your ass to search through his pocket and huffs annoyed when he sees the name on the screen.

“Jaemin, what?” Haechan groans as you keep moving on his thighs, ignoring his deadly glare. “No, I’m busy.”

You faintly make out an angry reply from the other side, but you don’t care enough to understand what Jaemin’s saying.

“No, I can’t go out with you.”

“We can,” you reply loudly enough so that Jaemin can hear while Haechan scowls at you again, muttering a scold under his breath, but his anger is quickly addressed to his friend on the other side.

“Yes, I’m with her,” he huffs, rolling his head back, trying to stop your movements but failing. “Don’t ask questions. And yes, fine, fine.”

When he hangs the call after mumbling a quick, annoyed goodbye, you chuckle. “Thought you didn’t want to hear my annoying friends?” It’s all he asks, leaving a small, teasing slap on your asscheek.

“What were we supposed to do? Stay inside all day?”

“Yes, we have everything here,” he says, spreading his arms to point around. “And you’re still grinding on me.” He looks down, eyes narrowing as he stares at your hips. 

“I’ll finish and then we’ll get out,” you wink, starting to move faster but he has no intention to get back into the mood, not yet, at least.  

“You’ll stain my pants and where do I come?” He huffs, and you’re sure he’s trying to find an excuse to don’t go outside rather than one to don’t fuck with you. He would never say no to that, especially when you two are already in the middle of it. 

“Take them off,” you urge, jumping off him, waiting for him to get undressed as you do the same, your panties the only thing staying on.  “Come on. You don’t want to be late.”

Haechan groans, “you’re so… so greedy. You just want everything.”

“Yeah, am I allowed to have one flaw?” You bat your lashes at him, grinning when his eyes roll in the back of his head. “Oh, will I stain the underwear, too?” You ask when his lower half is completely bare to your eyes.

“Honey, I’m not coming inside my boxers, can’t wear your panties to hang out with the boys,” he says annoyed.

You chuckle, climbing on his thigh again, watching him whimper when your bare leg brushes against his dick and you press on him to be as close as you were before.

He doesn’t know why you didn’t take the panties off, but he knows he doesn’t want them there. He wants to feel you on his skin. As hot as this is, he wants to feel your pussy drip down his thigh, and your panties are stopping the full experience.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Donghyuck!” You scream when the sound of the fabric ripping hits your ears and the chill air of the room hits your warm core.

He groans. “It’s so hot when you say my real name with an angry tone, makes it hard to hold back fucking you.”

“You need to stop ripping my stuff,” you complain, trying to hide how hot you found that, the ripping of the panties and that fucking smirk on his face now that he lays back against the headboard of your bed, so proud and snotty that is hard for you to hold back fucking him.

“Shut up, you love it,” he says, pulling you into a rough kiss, pushing your body closer while his hand rests on your hips to guide you in the movements. “Also they weren’t a good pair, if you were in lingerie I would’ve asked you politely to take them off.”

“You will never see me in lingerie,” you retort, pulling away as your hand sneaks down and starts moving up and down on his throbbing cock.

“Fuck,” he groans, “at least warn me?”

“I’m half naked, grinding on top of you and I have to warn you when I grab your dick?” You ask. “If you don’t want, I won’t make you come.”

“No, just —fuck,” he glares at you when you concentrate on the tip, “don’t be a bitch.”

“Sorry, sorry,” you chuckle but still move your hand quickly, following the steady rhythm of your thighs. Your head rolls back when one of his hands creeps under your shirt and cups your boob, his thumb brushing against your hard, sensitive nipple.

Haechan sucks in a deep breath when your thighs start shaking around his and your cum drips down his thigh. “Fuck,” he moans, eyelids fluttering as he looks at you, head reclined back as you hold onto him with only one hand, the other still busy taking care of him. “This is so hot, you are so hot.”

The compliment pushes you closer to reaching your high and when he lifts your shirt to wrap his lips around your sensitive nipple, you lose it.

You whimper and quiver, hips moving messily as you keep riding your high, breath getting stuck in your throat when he accidentally bites you as his orgasm washes over him unexpectedly.

“Fuck, sorry,” he mumbles, and if you weren’t still so lost in your pleasure you would let him know you liked it.

When your hips still, and the dizzying sensation calms down, you lay your head against his shoulder for a while as his arms wrap around your waist.

“Can we stay in?” Haechan pouts when you try to get away from him, reaching for your hand to keep you next to him before he rolls over when you shake your head and jump off the bed. “Please.”

“We can’t always fuck and study and study and fuck,” you reply, cleaning yourself up, holding in a sigh when you realize he stained the cover of your bed with his cum.  

“Who said I want to do either of those things?” He says, looking up at you with puppy eyes, pushing his lower lip out to pity you.

“I know you,” you reply, glaring at him before pulling your pants back on, not even caring about putting on another pair of underwear, you would’ve had to wash all those clothes anyway after taking a well-deserved shower, but for now you only had to pick some clothes to go out with the boys.

“No, let’s stay in and, I don’t know. Should we sing?” He proposes, jumping on his feet and putting his discarded underwear on.

You laugh, staring at him in shock. “You want to sing?”

“Yeah, you have a guitar, right?”

You nod, turning around the corner where your guitar is.

“Don’t you want to hear my angelic voice?”

You take a deep breath at his brag and then exhale loudly. “But Jaemin?”

“Fuck him, I don’t care,” he says while a small victory grin already starts widening on his face. He knows you’re about to give in.  

You huff, rubbing your temples and giving up fighting him when his fingers are already typing on the phone to tell his friend you two can’t come anymore.

When he puts the phone away and smiles at you in anticipation, you sigh. You really are stuck with him, aren’t you?

“Why don’t we prepare biscuits?” You suggest. You wanted to bake something for a while now, but you never really find time to dedicate to the kitchen.

“Biscuits?”

You nod, stealing his sweatshirt to wear on top of your shirt before walking to the kitchen —that space you consider the kitchen. 

“I’m a mess when it comes to cooking, you know, right?” He confesses as he leans against the countertop, watching you move around to grab all the ingredients and tools you need.

“You? Admitting you’re bad at something? To me?” You ask with a teasing tone, but you’re genuinely surprised he let you know without turning even this into a competition.

He fakes a laugh. “Very funny,” he says. “I just don’t want to hear you complain if I make some mistakes and ruin your perfect biscuits.”

You chuckle. “Can you weigh the ingredients and then put them all in a bowl?”

“All at the same time?”

You nod, handing him what he needs and showing him where the scale is. “Is not that hard, even you can do it. Plus, it will be another thing I teach you today,” you wink.

“Careful, baby. Don’t start thinking you’re so much better than me,” he says, starting to weigh the ingredients and putting them in each separate bowl.

You scoff. “Honey, I won’t start thinking that,” you say, resting your head on his shoulder, “I already think that.” You leave a teasing kiss on his cheek before he hits you with the flour and you gasp.

“Oh, no, we’re not doing that,” you warn, taking a step back, seeing how he’s ready with another handful of it.

“Then take it back,” he says nonchalantly.

“I never take back the truth —oh, Jesus Christ, Donghyuck!”

He laughs loudly, bending forward as he glances at you, flour on your face and well, his sweater. “Don’t call my name like that again, though. I won’t resist this time,” he says when he finally stands up and stands right in front of your face. “Now, will you take it back?”

“Never —Ah!” You scream when he lifts you up without a warning and sits you on the table before he starts tickling you. “No, no, please,” you babble, shaking your head and trying to stop his hands on you but he’s faster. “Okay, fine, I’m not better than you — I’m not better than you!”

“Good,” he says, stopping his torture and smiling proudly. “I love it when you listen,” he jokes, kissing you again.

You should hate it —or at least don’t like it so much— when he kisses you like this, out of nowhere, for no reason at all other than wanting to shut you up, or maybe to feel you. But you truly don’t mind. Actually, you lean in for another one, and another one and another… until you feel this is once again going in another direction and, as much as you’d love to indulge in the moment, you want to prepare those biscuits.

“Enough,” you say, pushing him away and jumping off the table. “No more food waste and we’re doing this together.”

You discover you and Haechan work better in the kitchen than in other fields, maybe because there’s no tension pushing you to do better but you are listening to each other, teaching tricks, and simply having fun. And this atmosphere stays with you even when he grabs the guitar and starts playing the tune of your song, you sing some bits of the lyrics and then jokily propose to add some about baking cookies on a cloudy spring afternoon, expecting him to laugh at it but he just smiles and tells you to go on. And you do, mumbling something about being in the kitchen, humming, baking, and laughing. You think it’s too cliché, and you will surely go back to it obsessively until it comes at you like you want it, but he loves it.

Then the oven rings, signalling the biscuits are ready and none of you can believe they came out good, nothing burned, and they’re tasty. Somehow, those cookies, feel like the biggest achievement you two ever made together.

“Maybe we should stop fighting each other,” he mumbles, after chewing his last bite. “We make a pretty great team.”

You smile, cleaning your lips with a napkin, crumbs falling on the table. “Hate to agree, but we do,” you say. “I mean… we kinda teamed up months ago, don’t you think so?”

“We want to kill each other, and you call that teaming up?”

“It’s our way of teaming up,” you reply, handing him a clean napkin so he can clean himself, and he takes it. “We just like to keep the flame alive, if we stopped bickering at all, it wouldn’t be so funny.”

Haechan shrugs, he guesses so. “Not like anybody else ever stood a chance with us on top.”

You chuckle. “Imagine if someone is using our rivalry to get to the top and we never noticed them.”

“Honey, trust me, I would’ve noticed.”

Once you’re done eating, you push him into the shower. There’s flour, and dough on all your clothes, and you still need to wash off the sex of before. You’d opt to shower separately but you’re tight on water and you have to make the best out of the confined space, reason why his plan to fuck another time fails.

“Why are you wearing my pink robe?” You turn around two seconds to grab the towel you prepared for him, and he betrays you. “This was for you,” you say, holding up the white towel as you stand there naked.

“I already put it on, it’s wet,” he says. “Come on, it’s pretty.”

“Yeah, that’s why is my favourite robe,” you pout, but still wrap the towel around you because you don’t want to freeze.

“I’ll make it up to you,” he says, and, before you can even think how, you don’t feel the ground under your feet anymore. Your arms immediately wrap around his shoulders for more safety as you let him carry you outside. You have no idea what is going on today, but you like this, how he’s taking care of you —in his way, of course— and how this feels good.

“You have to change it anyway,” he says when he drops you on the bed and, as soon as you open your mouth, he knows you’re about to complain about the wet towel on the dry covers. “I’ll help you change it later.”

While you change into your new clothes, your pink pyjamas with small black hearts as a pattern, you watch him walk around as if he’s so familiar with the place —not that it would take much for anyone to know where everything is, considering how small it is— but something about it makes a feeling of comfort and warmth spread in your heart. Nobody else had ever been inside that place.

But then you snap out of it and realize he’s naked, and his clothes are dirty, so you rush to the closet to find something to give him.

“So, mhh,” you say, making the things you grabbed fall in front of him, who’s sitting at the table. “I have those sweatpants and a sweater, or these pyjamas if you want it, it’s pink, but it doesn’t look like you care much,” you note, looking at how much he’s rocking your robe.

“Pink pjs! We’ll match,” he says, eyes lighting up as he wastes no moment getting out of the bathrobe.

“Out of the kitchen!”

“There’s not even a wall?”

“Still, get out,” you say, pushing him with force away from there. “Better.”

He rolls his eyes but still grabs the shirt and pulls it on him, blinking when he sees a pair of clean boxers. “Why do you have these?” He still studies them, thinking he has seen them before.

“Because they’re yours,” you say nonchalantly while fixing your hair in a braid.

“They’re mine? I left them here?”

“I might’ve accidentally dragged them with me once,” you confess, looking at him with a big, awkward smile.

“When?”

“When Jaemin almost pushed the door down and we had to rush to get dressed. I just stuffed everything in my bag and your underwear was next to mine so, ta-da,” you say, stretching your arms and shaking your hands to complete the sound effect.

Haechan sighs, nodding. “Of course, it must have been because of Jaemin, somehow.”

“Well, it turned out useful, just put them on. I don’t want to see your dick more than necessary.”

Haechan scoffs and bites back a comment as he finishes getting dressed. “You have to admit I look really good in pink.”

You look at him up and down while he twirls, and you smile. “You would be my favourite Barbie at the mall if they sold you in boxes.”

“God, you’re so annoying, can’t ever make normal compliments,” he complains. “Come on, help me with the bed. It won’t clean itself.”

Making the bed with him is tiresome. His weird way and theories about making it lead you two to bicker more than you should and remake it twice to see who is right —you, obviously. So, once you’re done with it, laying on it with him by your side, you know not even God himself will make you stand up to cook dinner. You don’t need to say a word, Haechan already has his phone out ready to order, and you couldn’t be happier.  

You spend ten minutes deciding what movie to watch and another five bickering because you don’t want to eat on the bed, but he insists you won’t make a mess, and if you do, he will help you clean up. It ends with you giving up and the bell ringing with your order ready.

You never have nights like this. You always try to cook on your own and don’t waste money on eating out, and you also never finish the movie or the series you start, either too tired halfway or with something more important to care about, for example, some notes to copy, or lessons to listen.

But this is nice.

You two joke, laugh, eat, and then you start to feel the sleep take over you, and you don’t think about sending him home or falling asleep on the pillow.

And as you rest your head on his shoulder, Haechan’s more and more sure that his plan failed.

“You’re playing with me, right?” You ask when Haechan messes up for the nth time. The end of the year is approaching, and you two are getting ready for yet another test, the last before the finals, but right now he’s testing your patience not getting a single answer right. You’ve been stuck in his room for hours now.

“I wish I was, my brain is fried,” he huffs, throwing his head back on his chair.

You’re speechless and you shake your head. “It’s super easy, you were better than me in this class, what the fuck is wrong with you?” You snap.

“Hey! Why are you so pissed? Shouldn’t you be happy you’ll beat me even in this?”

“Be serious,” you say, sending him a deadly glare. “What are you thinking about?”

“I’m…” he huffs, shaking his head, and turning around in his chair to avoid you. “I’m just stressed for a lot of things. I’m tired, I didn’t sleep tonight.”

“You struggled even last week. And when the Professor asked you something in class you gave an answer that is just not you,” you say, cutting off his bullshit, grabbing the armrest of the chair, and forcing him to face you with a rough tug on the chair.

“There are too many things to remember,” he says, after frowning at how harsh you have been. “It’s not that I don’t know, it’s that I mess it all up.”

You sigh, rubbing your temples. “Do I have to motivate you?”

He lifts his head, staring at you with a furrow. “What do you mean?”

“Let’s play a game,” you say, sitting better on the chair, and Haechan gulps when doing so your skirt —short skirt, incredibly short skirt— rises. He will never tell you, but the way you show up on your dates is another reason why he can’t concentrate. It’s May, it’s so hot. It’s your excuse, but he would bet you’re also doing it to mess up with him.

“No,” he replies, already fearing your proposal.

“Why not? You didn’t hear it, yet.”

He sighs but signals you to go on with a quick movement of his fingers.

“So, we’ll revisit once again, I’ll try to explain all your doubts. Then, I’ll ask you a question, if you get it right, I’ll take off one piece of clothes, if you get it wrong, you’ll take off one, and vice versa.”

“How studying with you butt-naked would make me learn more things?” He almost screams in a high-pitched voice.

“See!” You say. “You’re already starting with the idea you’ll lose.”

“Because I can’t get anything in my brain, and if I get it right then you’ll have to take something off and all I’ll think about will be… you.” I already only think about you, he’d like to add, but that’s too humiliating. Just like the grin on your face. He hates how weak he is. He hates how easy it is for you to win battle after battle. And he hates even more that his plan is showing flaws with each passing day. He doesn’t want you to be his Waterloo, but he’s not sure he can come up with another strategy soon enough to beat you. 

“Fine, then no study-strip-poker,” you give up, but the smug smirk on your face doesn’t drop when you start to think of something else that could motivate him, it only grows bigger when you finally get it. “If you answer right to at least ten of the fifteen questions, I’ll suck your dick.”

Haechan gulps. His eyes immediately fall on your lips as his brain starts to wander on lands he shouldn’t think about, not now at least, not when he has a bigger obstacle to face if he wants to get there.

“Hey,” you call his attention, snapping your fingers and waving them in front of his face. “It has to be motivation, not distraction. Do you want me?”

He huffs, throwing his head back. “Can’t we just fuck and then we’ll start again?” He pouts like he does every time he wants something from you.

“No,” you reply sternly, stealing his sweatshirt from his chair and putting it on you. “You don’t get the prize if you don’t win.”

“That’s not fair. And why are you covering up?”

“So you can’t distract yourself,” you say. You might like to tease him with more revealing clothes, but your intent is never to get him to be this distracted. You don’t want to be the reason he will fail this last test.

“You’re not my distraction,” he scoffs, diverting his gaze, and moving closer to his desk.

You decide to ignore him, you know the truth, and as much as the idea of him starting to lose because he’s too busy thinking of you, sends you on cloud nine, you also don’t want him to do terribly, especially in a class you know he loves and is good at.

“I know the theory,” he says, stopping you from going back to the start. “I wouldn’t be able to produce songs if I didn’t.”

“Yeah, but you just failed to explain how you create and add effects, and you forgot the basic difference between the dry sound and the wet sound, so revisiting some theory won’t hurt.”

Haechan sighs but soon gives up as you hand him your notes. He always thought you were crazy for also having printed pictures of how the software works but now that he needs it, he couldn’t be more grateful that you’re so precise with everything.

You start explaining things once again, cutting short about the most basic notions and diving deeper into the last lessons, as you try to stop as much as you can to make sure he’s still following you. And, after almost an hour, you’re done.

“What are you doing?” He asks when you take off his sweater again. “What about my concentration?”

“I needed your focus while I was explaining, now you have to answer even if you have distractions.”

He huffs loudly, throwing his head back. “But don’t play dirty, you can’t touch yourself or anything like that.”

“I’m not that cruel, I just want you to answer me,” you say. “So, let’s start with an easy one, should we?”

Haechan answers the first questions with ease, not like he usually would, but it’s still better than the mess of before. And he would be so close to getting the last one that keeps him on thin ice, he only got five wrong...

“No, no, no, please,” he begs, trying to stop you in place. “Please, give me one last chance. Ask me just one last question.”

“You got six wrong, babe,” you reply, loving how he’s almost on the verge of tears as his big brown eyes look up at you.

“But it was hard, I will never remember all the types of old reverbs unit,” he whines, coming closer to you.

“Then why do I?”

“Don’t lie, you don’t remember them either, I can’t even pronounce some of those names.”

You chuckle. “Oh, it’s really funny when the lack of a good fuck gets in your brain.” It’s not about sound design anymore. It’s about the desperation behind his eyes; knowing he wants you so much even if you’re the biggest reason for his despair gets your body hot and your pussy wet.

He groans, slumping back on his chair as he gives up on you. Or so he thinks because when he doesn’t pity you enough and you’re still packing your things to leave, he’s back again with his complaint.

“Please, one last chance? I didn’t mess the others up, I just made some tiny mistakes.”

“And you didn’t answer to two,” you say, ignoring him, trying to keep a serious face to not show your true emotions.

“Do I have to get on my knees?”

You snicker. “You look good on your knees,” you taunt but you don’t expect him to do that. “Get up!”

“Not until you give me another chance,” he retorts. “Please.”

You huff, rolling your eyes. “Fine, but just one.”

He nods enthusiastically, almost looking like a puppy being teased with a treat before he sits up in front of you.

“The differences, all the differences, between the shelving equalizer and the peaking equalizer.”

“Okay, I know this one, I know it,” he says before he starts explaining without missing a single detail. “So?” He asks with eyes full of hope as if he doesn’t know he just gave you a perfect answer.

“It was… great,” you tease him but you can’t keep a straight face when you see the pout on his face. “Kidding, kidding, you answered perfectly. So, I guess you deserve your prize.”

“Yes,” he screams, and in a second he throws himself on you but you shake your head and push him back on his chair. “What?”

“You sit there and let me handle this,” you say, placing your hands on his thighs. “Take them off,” you order, tilting your head to point at his grey pants. You see he’s confused about where you want this to go, but he obeys you anyway. “Everything,” you add when he’s still in his boxers. “Good boy, come here,” you say, patting your lap.

Haechan frowns. “You said you were going to suck me off.”

“I know, and have I ever break my promises?”

“I don’t know.”

“Just trust me and come here,” you order, waiting for him to follow. “Can’t believe you’ve been this hard all this time,” you say, wrapping your hand around his hard cock, starting to pump the pre-cum that leaked.

“You teased me,” he huffs, trying to keep his composure as he watches your hand moving on him delicately.

“I know, babe. I’m sorry,” you pout, one hand sneaking under his big white shirt to tease his nipples.

“Don’t,” he mutters, but you only laugh.

“Don’t, what? Let me take care of you, you’re stressed.”

He doesn’t reply, his head falls back as your movements on his dick quicken. He feels so small in your hold and he should find this more embarrassing but he doesn’t care. He loves the way your hand wanders delicately on his body and your lips leave pecks on his neck while the movements on his dick are fast enough to give him what he wants but not too fast to ruin this moment.

Your hands keep moving while your lips kiss his neck and jaw.

“Feels so good,” Donghyuck hums, shifting in your lap.

“I told you,” you chuckle, watching him roll his head back on your shoulder as his eyes close. “The others will hear you,” you say when his whimpers get louder.

“Don’t care,” he moans. “Feels too good.”

You smile and shrug. If he doesn't care, who are you to worry about it? It’s not like they don’t know what happens between you two.

So you quicken your hand, sliding up and down his sensitive dick so fast you make him tremble in your hold.

“You’re so cute like this, you know?” You say. “You look so small and delicate.” You expect him to get mad but instead, he moans and nods swiftly. And you know that stress got him good. Donghyuck, admitting to be vulnerable in your hands? You can only thank the weight the University is putting on his shoulders. But if that’s a way to make it go away, you can’t complain.

“I’m gonna — gonna come,” he whimpers when you start rubbing your thumb on his tip. “Fuck.”

You trap his scream with your other hand, staring at him as he slumps against you as his orgasm washes over him, squirting white strings of cum on your hand and his crumpled shirt.

“Get on the bed,” you urge while lifting the shirt off his body, leaving him naked. He barely has time to put himself together, but you don’t care and you know he needs more too.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit unfair that you’re still all dressed up?” He asks, still sitting on top of you.

“Do you want me to suck your dick, or do you want me to leave?” Is the only thing you have to say to make him obey with no more complaints. “Good. You should be thankful I gave you another chance. Right now you would be masturbating all alone and have no knowledge of sound design, so… what do we say?”

“What do you want me to say? You didn’t—”

“What do we say?” You shut him up, pulling his hair back harshly as your body weights on his lap, eliciting a broken groan.

“Tha — thank you,” he mumbles, cock throbbing right against your thigh. “Thank you but, please, do something, I’m… I need you.”

You snicker, letting go of his head and crawling back on the bed. “You’re so pathetic,” you mock, grabbing his dick again. “Begging on your knees just because you wanted my mouth.”

Haechan groans, throwing his head back but the harsh slap on his thigh makes him snap his eyes open.

“Why?” He squeaks.

“Eyes on me when I’m talking to you,” you order before lowering down so you can tease his tip with your tongue, making him bite back a loud moan.

“Please,” he pleads, and you finally give in. When you take him in your mouth, the broken breath that rolls from his lips makes your pussy clench around nothing.

“Shit,” he moans, fists clenching in the sheets as you suck harder, moving your head up and down in quick movements. He wants to look at you, knowing it will be even harder to not come on the spot, but he’s fighting with so many parts of him, he doesn’t know what to do.

When you pull away to look at him, he whines, hips bucking up in search of physical contact. You snicker, “and then I am the greedy one?”

“You’ve been teasing since you stepped inside the house,” he whines, trying to grab your hand but you don’t let him. “Come on, I’ve been good.”

It’s true, he has been good, but you don’t want him to come yet. “You can’t come, not yet.”

“Fine, just — just don’t tease me. Please,” he cries, begging you with his eyes.

You start taking care of him seriously; bobbing your head up and down while your hand wraps at his base to touch him where you can’t reach. Your movements are quick, but not too messy, since you’re trying to avoid creating a pool of spit and pre-cum all over his lap.

“Your mouth, fuck,” he groans, involuntarily fucking into your throat and uttering a slurred apology. “You’re just so good. God,” he curses, and you catch him rolling his eyes. “Even at — even at this you’re good.”

You snicker to yourself and keep focusing on his dick, heavy on your tongue as you suck with force.

You might be too good, cause it doesn’t take a lot for him to explode in your mouth; a brief warning for you to choose if you want to pull away and then the pleasure runs through his body for the second time.

You barely have time to clean your chin from the cum that dripped down that Haechan pulls you close to him, kissing you intensely while his hands are all over your body. “Want you, please, please fuck me,” he begs against your lips.

You slip out of your panties, quickly grabbing the base of his cock to line it with your soaked entrance because you can’t wait anymore.

“Oh, fuck, you’re so wet,” he hums when you sink, wrapping your hands around his shoulders.

“Want to take merits for this, too?”

“Well, yes,” he retorts. “Shit, don’t move, it’s not fair.”

“Everything is fair between us,” you say, starting to pick up a rhythm that makes him struggle to come up with a snarky reply. “Loss of words?”

He groans, throwing his head back and tightening the hold around your waist. “You can —mmph— you can talk all you want but —ugh— I am the reason why you’re soaked.” Somehow the way you’re bouncing on his dick it’s not enough to wipe away that smug smirk off his face, and you can’t stand it.

“Just shut the fuck up and enjoy this, will you?” You snap before kissing him roughly, cupping his chin with force before nibbling his lower lip, making him hiss. “I like it when you moan, so please, just fucking moan. The only words I want to hear are my name and begs.”

Your “threat” is effective because he doesn’t dare to open his mouth again.

“Good boy,” you praise without ever stopping to kiss him and moving your hips at a quick but regular speed.

You quickly realize that stress has gotten to you, too. You love to pretend it doesn’t affect you, and that you don’t need to let off steam, but you do. You are desperate to feel carefree for a few moments, put all the books and papers behind and have fun. And worst, you need him.

Donghyuck is what makes you feel good. It doesn’t matter if it’s mostly physical, he takes you to another world every time. He makes you feel wanted, he puts you through the test, but he makes everything worth it.

You’re so sure of it as you let your body crush against his, your fleshes meeting in a messed-up tangle of flaws. The kinds of flaws you both grew close enough to show each other.

In a few minutes, waves of pleasure hit you both and your bodies collapse into each other as you keep lazily riding that sensation; muscles on fire, lips meeting in messy kisses, moans panting the room, and your hands looking for each other.

When you lay on the bed side by side, you feel disconnected, and, truly, the only thing you’d like to do is to close your eyes and fall asleep, but your eyes fall on the clock against the wall and remind you why you went to his place.

“Five minutes and then we’re revisiting again,” you say, knowing the only way to get up is to say that thought out loud.  

Donghyuck groans, pressing his face against you and mumbling, “can I eat you out if I make no mistakes this time?”

“We’ll see.”

You’re woken up in the middle of the night by the sound of the piano playing from the living room. The other side of the bed is empty, and the sheets are crumpled up, signalling you Haechan got up somewhere during the night.

You two went on a trip the whole weekend. Not like you had a choice when he passed by your place and told you to get in the car without giving you any information. You got mad at him when he told you it wasn’t a one-day thing, but you were too far from town to even think of going back. And even if initially you were angry because your plans for the weekend were different —studying all day for three days— your anger disappeared quickly.

This is the second night out; you spent the entire day wandering around a town you didn’t even know before and got closer to each other. You love the thrill with him, but you soon realize you also love it when there’s peace between you. It’s impossible for you to don’t bicker, but you learned how to balance everything. And the more you get to know him, the more you like him.

“Can’t sleep?” You ask, watching his features being lit up by the faint moonlight and a small lamp at the side of the piano. It’s an old one, almost left abandoned in the living room of the small, cheap house you’re staying in for the night.

Donghyuck shakes his head. “Got a tune I couldn’t get off my mind so… here we are.”

You smile, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as you sit next to him. You don’t talk, you only watch his fingers move on the notes looking like ballet dancers. You’ve never seen him play the piano before, you weren’t even sure he could. But you’re amazed at how many things he’s talented at, the guitar, the piano, production, singing, dancing —and making your days less grey.

You don’t tell him, you only lean in, resting your head on his shoulder as he keeps playing the sweet melody.

“It’s…” he huffs, stopping for a second. “Doesn’t it sound messy?”

“Not at all,” you reply. “It sounds upbeat. Happy.”

“Out of all the ways you can describe music,” he chuckles, looking at you.

You look up, shrugging. “I’m describing how it’s making me feel.”

“Yeah? And what does it feel like?”

“Play it again,” you say, closing your eyes and letting the tune lull you. “It feels like spring. Like a field full of sunflowers, the ones you see at the side of the highway, passing by so fast before you can even get lost in their beauty.”

Haechan chuckles, holding back the big smile on his face. “It reminds me of those late summer evenings, when the heat dims a bit and the sky is pale pink and purple and blue, and time is frozen.”

“Yeah, when you’re ten and you don’t want summer to end because it means you have to go back to school,” you smile. “When you would stay out all day and come home with the smell of your favourite cake that your mom just baked.”

“Really? Your mom would bake that too?”

You nod. “Chocolate cake, basic and too messy for the heat of summer. But my mom loves me too much to don’t bake it for me, even if it’s 30° outside.”

Haechan chuckles, and his fingers start moving faster, starting the melody of what could be the chorus of the tune.

“In this part, it feels like a wave. I’m picturing running on the beach as the waves crash at your feet and the wind blows against your face.”

“Why are you smiling?” He asks.

You shake your head. “I — I can… it feels oddly romantic, a bit tormented, maybe confused, but in love,” you whisper. He gives you a weird look, and you’re not sure if it’s because you’re not using technical words to describe it or because you’re just weird. But there’s a reason you’re not being technical, you’re saying what it makes you feel, the vivid pictures in your mind. And, somehow, there’s you and him.

You two on the beach, walking on the sand before he starts running, teasing you to follow him. There’s the scent of the sea filling your nostrils and your lungs burning up as you reach him and then fall in his arms and feel your heart explode.

“It’s an unexpected feeling, something that wasn’t supposed to happen and then… changed everything. It’s thrilling. Scary, but satisfying.” You avoid his gaze but hear him hum in agreement, and wonder if he’s thinking the same, if he can feel this tension.

“So, something that sweeps everything like a wave,” he asks, and you nod. “Sunset,” he adds, smiling at you, slowing down the rhythm of his fingers. “I can also see the sunset colouring the scene. The kind that makes you look up and stare in awe like a child.”

“The one we saw yesterday,” you reply shyly. “It made your eyes look even more brown,” you confess, watching his cheeks tint up of rose.

“The kind that leaves you breathless,” he whispers. His fingers are still moving but they’re playing the same notes, he’s too busy staring into your eyes, leaning closer to you.

“And speechless.”

And a bit closer.

“And grateful you’re on earth.”

And closer.

You move back, coughing and lowering your head because you feel on fire. Is he making fun of you? Does he feel this? Why is he so confusing?

“It feels like a road trip with nowhere to go,” you say to fill the silence, and your words make him play again. “The calm while everything outside is falling apart.”

“Like running to your safe place?”

You nod. “It feels like… home.”

He smiles, looking in your direction while his fingers still play that sweet melody. “I always believed home is a person, even people, but not a place.”

You swallow, staring at his lips before your eyes meet his. “I’ve forgotten that feeling quite some time ago,” you whisper, feeling your head spin. You left home and never looked back, eager to chase your dreams, the ones you’ve been fighting hard to achieve since you were a child, but in that marathon to success, you’re starting to realize you lost something.

“You just need to find the right people, and then never let go.” He leans closer to you, hands falling from the piano as he leans in completely to trap your lips in a kiss. His hand cups your face while the other moves to the back of your neck, pulling you closer and moving his thumb in small circles. You feel like your lungs are on fire, and your legs are weak, but your heart never pumped harder than this. And when he slowly pulls away, you’re staring into each other’s eyes.

You know all the words to your song.

It’s true you’ve tried to avoid Donghyuck’s group of friends as much as you can —mostly to preserve your brain from early injuries— but it’s also true that the end of the second academic year is tearing you apart and you need to do something to don’t go insane.

So here you are, it’s Friday night, at their place, and you’re surrounded. Haechan has left you alone for a moment, busy talking with Mark. Jeno is trying to set up the table in the living room, while Renjun runs after him because ‘things are not perfect enough.’ Yangyang —no, he doesn’t live with them, but for some reason, he is always around— is in the kitchen doing only God knows what.

For your luck, you have Jaemin and the girls by your side. Ningning, who apparently has something going on with Mr Loverboy at your side. Yeri, who is there just to bully Haechan, Mark and Yangyang  —an old tradition that goes on since high school, and you love her for that. And Minjeong, who’s the nicest and yet smartest person you know, you are relieved she is in creative writing with Jaemin. You met them all before, one of the thousand times Donghyuck dragged you around with him, and the four of you got along right away, quickly becoming friends.

“They’re so loud, I would have a constant headache living here,” Yeri huffs loudly, rolling her eyes and falling backwards in Ningning’s arms.

You raise a brow as a ‘told you�� moment.

“They’re not that bad usually,” Jaemin defends, looking at his friends, now all too interested in something that regards what they are supposed to eat.

“Pfft, please, Jaem,” you say, glaring at him.

“How would you know?” He says. “Oh, no, yes, actually you would, you’re always here.”

“See, so stop defending them,” you say before becoming aware of the three sets of eyes boring holes into you. You turn around meeting your three friends and lift a brow in a questing look.

“Why would you always be here?” Ningning teases, nudging you.

You roll your eyes. “Don’t wander too far with your brains. I’ve got a project with Hyuck.”

“Hyuck? You used to go around calling him by his stage name just a few months ago and now it’s Hyuck?” Yeri points out, smirking smugly.

You throw a pillow at her. “He’s always attached to my hip, of course, we got closer,” you explain, frowning.

“Sure, sure,” she laughs. “Not even the boys call him Hyuck.”

“They do,” you retort.

“Of course you know, you’re always here,” Minjeong giggles and you gasp.

“You traitor!” You say, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her as you both laugh.

“Move your asses over here, motherfuc—” Yangyang screams before Renjun slaps a hand on his face.

“I will kill you all one day,” Renjun says, storming into the kitchen to bring more drinks as you sit down around the table.

“Please leave us out of it,” Yeri screams loud enough so he can hear.

“Sure, you can even help me get it done if you want to,” he says, sitting between Jeno and Yangyang, handing the bottles around.

“I’m in,” the four of you say simultaneously, raising your hands and they all gasp as they glare at you.

“Guess we better sleep with our eyes open tonight,” Yangyang mutters.

“You should always sleep with one eye open,” Yeri threatens, smiling creepily.

You chuckle at their antics, but your attention is caught by Donghyuck who sits by your side. “Would you kill me?”

You smile, caressing his hand on his thigh. “Honey, what are you saying? You would be the first that has to go.”

The smile on his face drops and you laugh, turning to the table to grab something to eat.

“You know,” he whispers, leaning in so only you can hear, “no dick tonight.”

You lower your head, trying to hide the embarrassment, but then lift it up and shake it, fixing your hair behind your ear, and turning to him. “Not like something could’ve happened tonight anyway.”

“Period?”

“People,” you say and he chuckles, opening a can of beer before taking a sip.

“As if that ever stopped you.”

You roll your eyes, stealing the beer from his hand, “as if that ever stopped you.”

He smiles, resting his head on his palm as he looks at you. “You never said no, though.”

You wave him off, returning your attention to the table, but it doesn’t last much, they’re deep in a heated conversation and you’re missing something. “Why are they bickering… again?”

Haechan chuckles, shaking his head, grabbing a spring roll, dipping it in the soy sauce before taking a bite. You roll your eyes because you need to be updated right away but when you look at him munching happily you can’t hold back a smile.

“So,” he says, cleaning his lips after he swallowed, “Jeno wants Renjun for a project, but Renjun has war traumas of the last time they did a shooting together and doesn’t want to.”

You giggle, grabbing a spring roll too, and dipping it in the same small cup of Donghyuck, while you both pay attention to the conversation.

“But you’re perfect for it,” Jeno insists, shaking Renjun from his shoulders, not caring about the pissed-off expression of the older.

“I’m literally not, ask anybody else but me,” Renjun repeats, a deep crease visible on his forehead.

“But you look like an angel,” Jeno pouts, finally stopping his movements and batting his lashes to gain some pity.

“I might look like an angel, but I feel Satan rising in me every time you talk,” he says, making everybody laugh before he glances, and the room goes quiet.

“Come on, how bad can it be?” Minjeong says, and you see her shift closer to Mark, but you don’t say anything.

Renjun groans, throwing his head back. He can’t believe he might be convinced into this by the end of the night. “He’s too much of a perfectionist, and I’m not comfortable in front of the camera. Also, he’s not rich enough to have a studio and he always takes ages to put the light boxes in their place once he’s done.”

“Oh, I won’t annoy you, I promise,” Jeno begs again.

“We can rent a studio,” you say, all eyes on you. “I mean,” you cough, placing the small bite of the roll left on the plate in front of you, “me and Hyu— Donghyuck have to shoot the cover for the songwriting project, I don’t think we can wait any longer since we also have to record the song and then come up with an advertising strategy.”

“Then rent a studio?” Renjun says, coming out colder than he intends to. “No, wait, I just don’t get why you have to drag me in this.”

“Jeno proposed to be our photographer, but I doubt we can do it at home. And since we wouldn’t be paying for his job. Sorry,” you mouth quickly glancing at Jeno who shrugs and smiles at you. “We can at least put the money for the studio.”

“And where do I fit in this,” he cries, shoulders slumping as he knows there’s no way out of this, no matter what you say next.

“Well, since you pay the studio per hour, I don’t think Jeno will torture you much. He takes two hours with you and two hours with us and in a day, we are done. Also, if there are four of us, we can be quicker,” you finish explaining, hearing some hums of agreement from your other friends.

Jeno doesn’t say a word, he’s only smiling widely with his face close to Renjun’s as the latter regrets all the life choices that brought him here. “Fine, I’ll do it,” he exhales, groaning when Jeno hugs him and screams a cheer in his ear. “Step away before I change my mind,” he warns, slapping Jeno’s arm and glaring at him when he does as told.

Yeri sighs deeply at your side, rolling her eyes and muttering, “children.”

You chuckle, finishing your roll, and stealing Donghyuck’s beer again before talking to him. “So, I guess we’re almost done.”

“Almost done? You still didn’t show me the lyrics, have you even written them?”

“Hey,” you scold. “Are you doubting me?”

“I don’t know, last time I checked, you were the one struggling. I offered you four bases, and all the words I’ve read from you ended up crumpled in the bin.”

You sigh. “I’ve got the song,” you reassure him.

“Really?”

“Yeah, and I also picked the production. I mean, I… I wrote it because of that production.”

Haechan’s smirk widens when you start stuttering and looking away, trying to look unsuspicious in your friends’ eyes. “Really? And why are you shying away?”

You almost jump when you feel his hand on your thigh, resting on your bare skin under the skirt. “I’m not,” you whisper, trying to keep cool.

He snickers. “You know I’ll have to see it and you can’t keep it a secret from me, right?”

“I know, I don’t want it to be a secret. You’ll read it.”

He squeezes your thigh, and you glare at him. “Not now.”

“Right, later, under the cover when we’ll watch a movie,” he jokes.

Yeri coughs beside you and you see your entire life pass in front of your eyes, but you fake nonchalance and turn to her. “Need something? Some water?”

“Some tea, honey, some tea,” she says, raising a brow and pointing at the man at your side, now busy talking with Yangyang.

“I can make some.”

“Stop playing me,” she whispers, sending you a deadly glare. She can be scary at times, you’re not surprised the boys listen to her in the blink of an eye.

“He’s just being stupid, he flirts even with walls,” you say.

“Does he touch their thighs?”

“No, he’s not,” you say, only to gasp when she looks down and his hand is still on you. You push it away but he puts it right where it was and you can only sigh.

Yeri snickers. “Ah, l’amour.”

Your head rolls back as you let out an annoyed sigh. “Love my ass.”

Yeri shrugs, sipping from her small bottle of soju. “Don’t care, there’s still something going on, and I’m interested.”

“I’d love to mock you with somebody but you’re more closed than an unopened can of beans.”

“You are so bad with words. How do you write songs?”

“I don’t write about beans, clearly,” you say seriously before you both laugh.

“You two, mind to share what’s funny with the class?” Ningning calls you out.

“Sorry Professor Ning, we’ll be even more annoying next time,” Yeri retorts.

“Why do I feel you’re quoting something we can’t understand?” Renjun says.

“Because you’re right,” Yeri replies.

“Yesterday Yeri almost got us expelled,” Ningning says with a forced smile on her face, making you all gasp.

“What happened to sharing information?” Mark screams, leaning in with interest.

“Why do you care so much?” Yeri shrugs, grabbing a bowl of tteokbokki to eat.

“Mh, hello? You got your asses out of Uni,” Minjeong says.

Yeri only rolls her eyes, resting her head on Ningning. “If a tteokbokki falls on my clothes you’re dead,” the blonde-haired warns before bringing her gaze to all of you. “In her defense, it wasn’t her fault. Not at the start, at least.”

“No,” Yeri retorts, sitting up straight again, and placing the bowl on the table, “it wasn’t my fault, period.”

“Here she goes again,” Ningning sighs, puffing and shaking her head, making you chuckle. But Yeri is not paying her attention, too busy telling the facts right.

“Professor Choi hates us and treats us like kids. Not only his lessons are boring, and I would like to add, useless, but he also thinks we’re in kindergarten.”

“Did you fight with him?” Jeno questions, frowning, already fearing a positive answer.

Yeri gulps, looking around to take time to answer.

“Oh, God, tell me you didn’t,” you say, staring at her with a worried expression.

“He asked for blood,” she says, getting fired up.

“You fought a Professor?” Jaemin gasps loudly.

“She didn’t,” Ningning intervenes when Yeri is about to open her mouth again. “Just because I was there to babysit her, but she didn’t.”

“I didn’t come here to be treated like a child,” she says, crossing her arms on her chest. “We weren’t even being loud. We were sitting in the back of the class, minding our business and he called us out. There was a group of boys in the middle row watching fucking porn and he called us out.”

“Ew,” it comes out collectively.

“But unless the headphones weren’t connected how would he know?” Yangyang asks.

“I don’t care! He hates us,” she groans.

“So you decided to make him hate you even more? Smart move, Yerim, smart move,” Renjun says sarcastically, and she glares at him.

“I just decided to drag her out when things got a bit heated,” Ningning says.

“Not in a Beyonce way I guess,” Haechan jokes, and Yeri slaps him as you move back to give her space to hit him.

“Hey! Why are you helping her bully me?” He asks offended.

“Cause you deserve it?” You shrug.

Donghyuck looks around in disbelief, groaning when everybody agrees. “Fake ass friends, can’t even trust your own shadow in this group.”

“Back to what matters, safe to say you won’t pass the class,” Renjun says.

“We will, there’s only one lesson left, and we’ll pay attention,” Ningning says and Yeri raises her brows. “We will pay attention. He might hate us, but, you know, a bit of boot-licking and we’ll be fine.”

“Fine,” Yeri gives up. “But only because I don’t want to see him ever again.”

“We once fought so hard we got kicked out,” Haechan confesses, bringing the attention to him.

“You and?” Jeno asks.

“Dumbass, Miss Better than him, thought you heard them bicker every two seconds,” Renjun replies instead, pointing at you with his index finger.

“Hey!” You say. “I mean, thank you for acknowledging I’m better than him but it wasn’t so bad.”

“Oh, trust me, it was,” Mark comments before drinking his beer.

“And you were teaching us a lesson, uh?” Yeri teases, eyebrow raised at you two.

“We didn’t insult the Professor,” you explain. “We were just at each other’s throat.”

“Why?” Minjeong asks.

“Honestly? Can’t remember, we fight about everything,” Donghyuck replies.

“We don’t fight,” you clarify. “We discuss. And sometimes things take a bad turn. Not anymore, we learned how to survive with each other.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” giggles Yeri and you kick her knee with yours, making her groan.

Haechan sends you a look you ignore, and you go on explaining. “We were just stating our thoughts, but we weren’t exactly agreeing, and we couldn’t stop, so the Professor told us to take it somewhere else.”

“And you did? You simply could’ve stopped,” Renjun asks in disbelief. He can’t believe he thought you were normal.

“We had business to settle, okay?” You explain.

“Oh, and we sure did,” Haechan chuckles under his breath or so he thinks because the room goes quiet, and you think you want to strangle him.

You have to come up with something.

“You only won because I gave up,” you say, looking into his eyes, seeing the devilish glint behind, warning him to not say a word more.

“You always give up if there’s a prize you can take,” he clicks his tongue and you gulp.

“Oookay, weird tension in the room, it’s clear the only one not getting laid is me,” Yangyang cheers, bringing you two out of your competitive stare. You’d like to complain, saying it’s not what he thinks about, but you’re still stuck, brain busy thinking about something else.

“This night it’s boring, if we don’t do something funny, I’ll act out my plan of killing you all,” Renjun says, standing up.

“I still don’t know whether you’re joking or not,” Mark says.

“Because I’m not.”

“Caught you!”

“Hyuck!” You scream, turning around, holding a hand over your chest as his arms wrap around your waist and his chin rests on your shoulders. “You could’ve killed me.”

“You’re eating cake without me, that’s the crime,” he says, pulling your hand to his face to take a bite.

You roll your eyes. “Jaemin told me he had to store it away because Jeno and Minjeong were eating it all.”

“So, you were hiding, uhm?”

You hum, cutting another piece and diving it in two to give it to him. “He said I could eat it. Also, I think I had too much alcohol and I need to put something in my stomach.” You sit on the countertop and he takes his place between your legs.

“Am I allowed to eat it?”

“I guess so, I’ll take the blame if he says something,” you giggle.

“Don’t think he will notice, too busy dancing with somebody,” he says, hinting at Ningning.  

“They look cute together,” you say, smiling fondly.

“Oh, they do. If only he could grow some balls and confess,” he says.

“Do you confess, Casanova?” You tease.

Donghyuck smirks. “How does it look like?”

You shrug. “Don’t know, you tell me.”

He rolls his eyes before he realizes you two are not together. “Wait, are we… no, never mind,” he says, pulling away, and turning to the door.

You grab his hand, stopping him. “What?”

“Jeno called,” he lies, trying to escape your hold.

“No, he didn’t. He’s sitting with Yangyang passing the blunt around,” you jump off the top and face him. “Are we?” You’re not sure what you expect him to say.

Donghyuck gulps, struggling to keep his eyes on you. “Are you fucking somebody else?”

Whatever you were expecting, that wasn’t it. “Are you?”

“I asked you first,” he retorts.

You blink. “Oh, really?

“Yeah, really.”

“Do I look like I know somebody else besides us?”

“Jeno likes you, and he told me you two are texting.”

“As friends, Hyuck. I already told him I’m taken — I’m not, I’m… I’m taken by other things in my mind. Uni, fighting you, especially fighting you.”

Donghyuck snickers, not really what he expected from you, but deep down —not even so deep, truly— what he wanted to hear. “Yeah, I agree, you’re taken, mostly by me.”

You’re about to retort but he slips from your hands too soon, leaving the small kitchen to reach the others. But you’re smiling. It’s a dumb, small smile that lights up your face in the dark of the night, and your heart pumps. You two didn’t name any of this, but —bickering aside— you objectively know you acted like a couple. It’s not about the sex, it’s about everything else. He started to pick you up before lessons so you could go to class together and sit next to each other —while he did everything he could to distract you. You ate at your friends’ table at lunch, went out for dates, and occasionally even slept over. You are taken and probably for longer than you even realise. Donghyuck started filling your days months ago, and even your life.

You’re still caught up in your thoughts that you don’t hear Ningning enter the kitchen.

“I spy with my little eyes something suspicious,” she sings while pouring herself a glass of water, leaning against the countertop where you were before.

“First Yeri, and now you?” You ask, a small smile curling your lips while you walk to lean next to her.

Ningning gasps offended. “She knew before me? Is this how you betray me? After I helped you style your hair?”

You laugh, resting your head on her shoulder, and inhaling deeply; she always smells nice. “I didn’t tell her,” you confess. “Honestly, I don’t even know myself.”

You can’t see her, but you know she’s smiling when her arms wrap around your body.

“So, what is that, love?”

You hum. “I don’t know what it is, but I know I like it.”

“I knew you were a romantic at heart,” she jokes, pulling away to squeeze your cheeks.

“I’m just happy. I don’t think I need to put a name on this… on this happiness.”

A big smile spreads on her face and her eyes crinkle, her hand softly caresses your cheeks. “It’s not only Donghyuck, is it?”

You nod, pressing your lips in a flat line because something about this feels too emotional for you. It’s 11 pm and there’s faint music playing in the living room while people laugh, and joke, sharing a blunt or bottles of alcohol. And you’re in the kitchen talking about a boy you want to kiss and strangle with who, you’re sure, can now consider your best friend. It’s the stupid fun of the early 20s. It’s the sense of something you’ve been missing for too long since you only let yourself be absorbed by your studies, leaving friendship behind.

And when a lonely tear rolls down your eyes, Ningning coos, gently wiping it away. “I’m happy,” you say, nodding.

“I know,” she replies, cupping your face.

“I’ve been on my own since I came here and I never regretted believing in my dreams even if it meant leaving the ones I loved the most behind, but now I realize what I’ve been missing,” you confess. “I love that they’re so loud they give me a headache.” You both chuckle and your hands intertwine. “And I love that we all sit together at lunch even if most of you have to run from the other side of the building. I love how none of you hesitated one moment to consider me part of your group.”

“I’m so happy you’re with us,” she says, smiling. “I guess Donghyuck does something right sometimes.”

You both laugh.

“Yeah, he definitely made my second year less boring than the first one,” you admit.

“Come here, I guess we both could use a hug,” she says, not giving you time to reply before you’re into her arms. You stay like this for a while, and you know more than before that this is what you missed the most. This is what college means. It isn’t in the loud parties, the sex, and the drugs, it’s in the people you do things with. Nine young people like you, trying to survive this craziness by being each other’s strength. You can still look at your goal right in the eye even if you have fun, even if you date, even if you have someone to walk down this road with.

“You know, I knew you were a good one when you slammed your fist on the table at lunch when he made you fuck up the essay,” Ningning confesses when you pull away.

You laugh, wiping away another tear. “I’m glad he did, I wouldn’t be here today if he didn’t.”

“You and Ning disappeared in the kitchen before,” Donghyuck says, searching in his closet to find something to make you wear for the night.

“Yeah, we talked about us. I know I might not show it, but I’m glad I found this,” you sigh. “I like them.”

Donghyuck smiles, sitting next to you. “They all like you just as much.”

“It’s like I finally have a place where I belong. I have people to rely on, so maybe I’ll learn to stop wanting to deal with everything by myself.”

“I told you life doesn’t have to be lonely,” he says. “I know that coming from me sounded like sabotage but I meant it. Having someone by your side makes everything easier.”

You smile and nod, grabbing the shirt he’s handing you. “I hate to say it, but you were right,” you chuckle. He doesn’t reply and you don’t drag the conversation, simply enjoying the thousands of words you two should be telling each other, but are not ready to face, yet.

“Can I use the bathroom? I need to freshen up a bit,” you say, breaking the comfortable silence. Most of the others are crushed in the living room, you think you saw Ningning sneak into Jaemin’s room but you were too caught up in Donghyuck to be sure of that, Renjun and Jeno might still be awake but you’re sure that all the weed they smoked won’t make them pay attention to you.

“Sure, if you need towels they’re in the cabinet under the sink,” he tells you, and soon you’re out of the room.

It doesn’t take you long to clean yourself up; you wash your face and steal someone’s products to get rid of your make-up, quickly get rid of your dress, put on some perfume —you’re pretty sure it’s Donghyuck’s cause you smell like him— and then wear the shirt he borrowed.

Once you’re done, you quickly make your way to the kitchen, and, passing in the living room, you see your assumptions are right; there’s no sight of the two love birds, and the only ones awake are Renjun, Jeno and Yeri, while the others are crushed on the sofa. You expect a remark from the girl, but she barely notices you, too busy playing —trying to— something with the other two.

After a few minutes, you’re back in Donghyuck’s room, and you notice he’s changed into something comfortable, too. He’s lost folding his clothes, and you let yourself get lost in his beauty. Too busy fighting him and trying to prove something, you realize you never noticed the smallest details that make him so handsome. The bridge of his nose, his soft lips, the moles on his cheek, his soft brown hair falling around his face.

“You alright?” His voice brings you out of your daydreams and you nod shyly, feeling embarrassed for being caught staring.

“Yeah, everything fine,” you reply, quickly walking to the bed. You see him staring at you with a confused expression, but avoid any awkward moment by reaching for your phone and pretending to be busy. But you’re not busy, you’re confused. You’re not used to this, any of this. Your nights have always been filled with yourself and books (whether for school or your entertainment), and if you felt wilder a movie, rare were the occasions when you would go out with your friends. And regret is creeping on your back. You feel like you lost a lot, you feel like you’ve punished yourself to get where you are now. And you think about love, how you treated your relationships, how little weight you gave them. And when you think about what you felt in these past months you wonder if you have ever even been in love.

“Remind me to never make you drink again if you get this sulky.” Once again, Donghyuck’s voice brings you back to earth, and when you turn toward that sound, you see he’s sitting next to you.

“I’m not sulky,” you chuckle. “I was just thinking about what I said before.”

He hums. “And?”

You shrug. “Nothing. You can’t change the past, I was just… having some bittersweet emotions.” It’s the truth, but you know that deep down your brain is trying to make you focus on the friendships because you don’t want to think about your biggest problem: the man you have by your side. This wasn’t supposed to be whatever it is. It wasn’t supposed to happen. And you don’t hate that it did, but you don’t know how to feel and act about it, cause you didn’t plan it. You couldn’t study this, you couldn’t put this on a PowerPoint and have it all laid out for you to understand it, it’s not logical, it’s not a theory, a study, a thesis, it’s emotion.

“You seemed happy before,” he whispers after a few minutes of silence passed. His hand gently rests on your stomach and you feel your heart race.

“I was,” you reply. “I am. I just wish I found this sooner, I always focused on my studies and career, and looking back at it now, it was lonely. And…” you sigh, rubbing the bridge of your nose, “I’m jealous of you, ‘cause you managed to be at the top with all of this.”

He chuckles, but it’s a tender sound, and then smiles at you. “Well… I managed until you came around. You…” he coughs, struggling to confess, “you distracted me a bit, so I think you’re better than me at this socializing and rocking your career at the same time thing.”

You laugh. “I distracted you?”

“Just a bit, don’t get too excited,” he warns, falling deeper into the mattress and laying in silence. You have your thoughts tormenting you, but for him, it’s no different. He knows his plan failed. You’ve been filling his thoughts, days and seconds for a few months now. Even when he was studying or recording, somehow, you were always there. At first, for spite, surely, but then, it turned into something else. Hate turned into teasing, teasing turned into lust, and lust turned into something more. He knows he doesn’t just simply want you or need you. He craves you and your company, your study sessions together, your smart talks, your witty words, your annoyed eye-roll when he’s right, and the soft eyes when you listen to him. He craves you and your laugh, the suppressed one during lessons and the loud one when you are alone, or your hidden smirk when he makes you smile even if you don’t want to.

He constantly comes back to you.

“Are you listening or are you avoiding me?” You ask when he doesn’t reply to your question and he shakes his head, mumbling an apology.

“Sorry, I was thinking.”

You chuckle. “It’s alright, it was a bitter question anyway.”

“No come on, ask me again.”

“It was just for fun. I wanted to know if I was the reason why you’ve been doing a bit worst than me lately,” you say. There’s no mockery in your tone, instead it’s light and hides a timid blush as the words roll down your tongue.

Donghyuck’s body shuffles next to yours and only then you realize how intimately close you are, with your legs almost intertwined, his hand still on your stomach and his face resting on your chest. “Well, yes, you were an unexpected presence in my life, so…”

“So…?” You laugh. “Am I so hot I got you horny all the time?” You joke but he doesn’t crack a smile, instead he furrows and stands up to sit on the bed with his arms crossed.

“I’m not that horny,” he murmurs.

Your body mirrors his, and then your hands lift his chin up. “Sorry, I was kidding. I didn’t mean to offend you. I just didn’t think you thought about me that much. I wanted to be on top but not like this.”

“Technically, you’re not on top of everything, but anyway, we just spent a lot of time together, you know? So different studying methods and so on, shocked me a bit.”

You raise a brow, not because you’re so pretentious to think you distracted him that much, but because you think you learned to read him a bit and he’s not being honest at all. “Sure, and you weren’t busy thinking of me after our… dates? Coming home and texting me, and telling me how you should’ve been between my thighs instead?”

He blushes, and you can’t believe your eyes. “It only happened once, and either way I never study at night, my pretty brain can’t handle it.”

You laugh. “Your brain is pretty, now?”

“Yeah, of course, everything about me is pretty.” He shrugs.

“You’re a bit of a liar, you know? First telling me I distracted you and then taking it back, but it’s alright, I think we settled this war. We’re equal now, right?”

“I guess you could say that.”

You huff rolling your eyes. “You’re so competitive, God.” You fall on the mattress again. “But maybe it’s good, we can keep this healthy and competitive.”

He hums, thinking about it and then nods. But you don’t expect him to cage you with his body as he sits on top of you and reduces the distance between you. “Doesn’t sound bad, we could try.”

You smile, trying to act nonchalantly, but it’s hard when he’s so close; hair a mess, face tired but still so fucking handsome, and plump lips so temptingly close to yours.

“I want you,” you whisper, looking straight into his eyes even if they make your knees buckle.

“I want you, too,” he replies before diving in and kissing you.

The last weeks before finals are hectic. You and Donghyuck spend all the time studying together. When you’re not locked in the library you’re either at your or his place, and most of the time you end up sleeping over with the excuse of “spending just a few minutes together without thinking about exams.”

Yet, none of you confess anything. Your relationship lingers in that limbo.

In all that chaos, what takes you more time is the songwriting project. You spend days in the studio to record and mix it. Then when you are done, you move to the studio with Jeno to shoot the concept photos. And it would been enough for the exam, but you and Donghyuck just have to go an extra mile, making an entire booklet with the photos and the lyrics inside, the physical CD with the track, the instrumental, and an acapella version.

Even if the shooting is long and tiring, since you have to style and do each other’s make-up, and the only help is from Renjun, you have a lot of fun.

If at the start you feel a bit insecure with the poses, Donghyuck is the perfect partner to have to feel at ease. And Jeno knows how to do his job, making you feel like a queen after the first awkward shots.

“I love how the photos turned out,” Jeno cheers happily on your way to their place. “The three of you are the perfect models. I will annoy you again to build my portfolio.”

Renjun rolls his eyes as his head slams against the bus window.

You chuckle. “Come on, Jun,” you say, pinching his cheek. “You had fun too, you can’t deny that. Also, you got so many beautiful photos for free, I wouldn’t complain.”

“Free? I’d like to remind you I helped you pay for the rent,” he retorts, sitting straight again. “But yeah, I had fun,” he admits, making Jeno clap happily. “But, I will do this again only if she comes with us.”

Jeno bats his eyes at you and you snicker. “Yes, if I am what he needs to be dragged into the studio, I will come with you.”

“I love you,” Jeno screams, hugging you tight. When you hug him back, you make eye contact with Donghyuck, but he swiftly turns his head. Not quick enough to hide he’s not enjoying this so much; jaw tense, fingers closing in a fist.

You find his jealousy of Jeno quite interesting. Even if it’s true you got very close to him, it’s hilarious how Donghyuck thinks anything would happen between you two when Jeno is clearly taken by someone else; someone too busy plotting his murder to realize his feelings, but that’s another matter.

And Donghyuck shows his jealousy even more when, once at home, you sit around the table to watch Jeno post-produce the photos and create the mock-up for the entire project with your supervision.

His arm wraps around your shoulder as he keeps his leg pressed against yours, and you have to hold back a chuckle. Yes, it’s obvious there’s nothing between you and Jeno, but this makes you feel wanted, and you let him show it.

You know you’ll have to deal with other menaces tomorrow; a hangout is already scheduled in the group chat with the girls after a quick text sent right away by Yeri. You love her, you do, but without that, maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t have four other pairs of eyes set on you — Jaemin and Yangyang are very curious when they want to.

“Are you listening?” Jeno’s voice brings you out of your thoughts.

You blink twice and then mumble, “what?”

He shakes his head. “Do you like the font?”

“Oh,” you whisper. Your eyes adjust again on the screen that you were mindlessly staring at and focus on the project. “Yeah, I love it.”

“We were thinking of not putting our name on it since it’s more trendy lately,” Donghyuck says.

You nod. “Yeah, I think it’s better like this. I also love the picture, I think it would be more powerful without the name on it but we’re not that famous, yet,” you joke making them laugh.

“That’s why I didn’t make it too big, so the focus would be on you two.”

“Love it, that's perfect,” you praise. “Honestly, seeing it all almost done, I feel guilty for not giving you anything.”

Jeno shrugs. “It’s alright. I’m having fun doing this and can put it in my portfolio anyway. I did much worse and less fun for some courses.”

“We will offer you a dinner,” Donghyuck says. “Somewhere cheap, though.”

After a few hours, everything is almost done. Jeno still wants to double-check everything tomorrow before sending it to be printed but the final results won’t differ much.

“So, I think we should celebrate the project that brought you two so close,” Ningning says, winking at the last words, before raising an empty cup.

You chuckle, trying to escape Donghyuck’s hold, but it’s still firm on you. “It’s just a Uni project, there's nothing to celebrate.”

“Well, mine and Mark’s is not that good,” Yangyang snorts. “I don’t understand why you two always want to do so much extra work but whatever makes you happy.”

“We love the song,” Donghyuck replies. “And we’re proud of it so we might as well fool ourselves it might get more than 30 listens on SoundCloud.”

“For me,” Ningning says, “this is huge. One day you’ll be famous and we will get to say we were here from the start, so we need to treat ourselves and party.”

“Yes, let’s treat ourselves to the cheapest pizza on the block. Oh, how I love being an adult,” Yeri huffs, slumping on the couch. “No, but really, this is something to celebrate.” She then moves closer to you so that only you can hear. “And maybe if we get you drunk enough we’ll get juicy info before tomorrow.”

You roll your eyes and shake your head. “Fine, order these pizzas and let’s celebrate.”

The girls don’t get you drunk enough to spill anything but get themselves drunk enough that Jaemin has to drive them back to their place. Truthfully there’s nothing to say anyway. You and Donghyuck still didn’t talk, you didn’t even have sex lately. Too busy with everything, that was the last of your thoughts. But you did sleep together and basically lived in symbiosis. So?

You should feel happy about this project. Academically it will be another success, and honestly, one of your best works so far. So why do you feel this emptiness in your chest now that you’re sitting on a chair in Donghyuck’s bedroom?

This is the end. Now nothing holds you two together, and you fear that what you built over these months might not be strong enough for you to still hang out with you. You wonder if this meant anything to him. Sure, he likes you, but how much? Sex means nothing, and even if said between the lines, he got you to try out romantic things to make you come up with the song. And he succeeded. You have the song, the lyrics you tried so hard to put down. Fake dates, fake flirts, fake everything, but everything you put down is real. And it’s terrifying.

So absorbed by your torments, you don’t see Donghyuck stare at you, standing in front of you changed into fresh clothes.

“Hey.” His voice makes you flinch in surprise and quickly look up at him. There’s a frown on his face. “What’s with that face?”

You shrug, diverting the eye contact.

“Are you not happy with the result?” Donghyuck asks, grabbing the closest chair so he can sit right in front of you.  

“No, I love it. I loved everything so much and that’s why I’m sad.” There are many reasons why, and you’re not a master at dealing with too many emotions at once. Subjects? Books? Essays? Projects? They can fall and pile up on you and you won’t feel the weight of it. But real life? Feelings? Not where you excel.

“Cause you won’t have any excuses to spend time with me and see me?” He teases, chuckling. He’s still the same person you met one year ago but behind his playful voice and acts there’s something tender, at least you like to see it this way.

“Uhm, I hope we will keep seeing each other,” you confess shyly, doing everything in your power to not meet his warm gaze. His hands on his lap are a beautiful view now. “But no…”

His teasing smirk turns apprehensive. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

You shrug. This should be the easy thing to confess. A bit humiliating considering showing some weakness to him still feels like letting your mortal enemy pour salt in your open wounds, but you’re hiding more vulnerable things from him.  

“Nothing but… I was so sure I didn’t want to be a singer, and I was more and more sure of working in Pr, and now… I don’t know. I loved writing the song, like I always do, but this time felt different, as if… that’s what I’m supposed to do in my life, you know?” You look up because even if you can’t take a mocking look you have to see his reaction.

He smiles, caressing your cheek. “I think you’re good at it so yeah, you should.”

You’re taken aback by that reply. Deep down you wanted him to shred your dreams cause you feel like all of this is insane, and if you have nobody supporting you maybe you won’t indulge in it. But it’s clear that Donghyuck is not an enemy anymore and has your back now.  

“Yeah but… I loved singing and doing it with you. Being in the studio, recording, but even before when we were working on the melody and everything. And working on the concept? We did all that with just one song, can you imagine what working on an album feels like?”

He smiles and nods. “Well, yeah, I fantasized about it a lot, so yes. But why is it a problem? Why can’t you pick this as a career?”

You can see in his eyes that he’s confused. Not by your change of path, but by your sudden insecurity. Deep down you’re shocked by that too. You have changed goals a few times in your academic career but somehow this feels so different.

“Cause it’s rare to make it,” you mutter, nervously playing with your hands. Truth is, the chances of failure are so big, and you’re not sure you could take it. You and your perfectionism and your need to succeed on the first try.  

“Can’t say you’re wrong, it’s hell out there, but… you’re good, and beautiful, and I’m sure that with your songwriting skills and your voice, someone will notice you.”

He had tried to make a name for himself longer than you, he knows it. During some vulnerable night conversation where you showed him your songs, he told you how many demos he had sent, and how hard he tried to build something at least on the socials. So you don’t care if his words are driven by sympathy, he could discourage you, but instead, he’s supportive, and that’s all you need.

“And what am I without your production? Will you be my Jack Antonoff?”

Donghyuck laughs. “I’d prefer to be your Aaron Dessner.”

“Yeah, fine. I like that Haechan,” you say, highlighting that name that now sounds foreign.

“I don’t want to hear that name roll from your lips anymore,” he chuckles and you hum laughing.   

“Talking about lyrics,” he says after a few seconds, the phrase lingers in the air… “this song was interesting.”

“Interesting? What do you mean? Is it bad?” Your eyes widen and the anxiety that left you jumps at you again.

He shakes his head. “I said interesting, not bad. You should know the difference.”

“It’s not funny, interesting means nothing.”

He chuckles. “Some phrases are interesting… that’s it. They look familiar.”

You feel your body burn up in flames and you have to shift your gaze from him. You should’ve scrapped that, he isn’t dumb. (You believed he was up until two seconds ago, but apparently, he was just waiting for the right moment to trap you.)

“I wonder if something, or someone,” he winks, “inspired you.”

“The sea. When we went there together. The sea inspired me,” you whisper swiftly, nervously biting the inside of your cheek. “That’s why I called it wave.”

Donghyuck laughs. “I’m not talking about the title, and you know it,” he says, resting his hand on your knee. “Flow that I’ve never felt before? Meeting you through distinctive distraction is a miracle?”

“You told me you liked it,” you say, playing innocent.

He rolls his eyes. “I do. I love it, actually. I just wanted to analyse it with you.”

You gulp when his fingers start rubbing on your skin. “We should’ve done it before recording it, don’t you think?”

He clicks his tongue. “Nah, I want to do it now. I think I already know who inspired you.”

“The sea —”

“Drop it,” he retorts sternly, squeezing your knee. “I think our plan worked. Well, unless you found someone else who inspired you to write a love song.”

“It’s barely a love song,” you stutter, body heating up.

“Right, some lyrics felt sexy,” he giggles. “You’re such a master in holding me here and there and going up and up down and down again.”

You try to scoot away, but he blocks you by putting his feet under the leg of the chair. “So what? Also, you’re dirty-minded, that’s not what it means…”

He snickers, rubbing his thumb on your cheek. “Why are you so flustered then?”

“Cause you’re too close to me, I can barely breathe.”

“Mhh… it reminds me of something.”

You roll your head back and mutter a curse under your breath. “Isn’t it what you wanted? To inspire me? I did it. I romanticized everything and we got the song.”

“Romantized everything,” he hums. “In this wave called you that’s pushing in, I fall in love. You are the center of my heart. Feeling new, feel now. The wave that started because of you, babe. Dive into the world called you. Damn, your creativity is so good, you are talented.”

“Are you mocking me?”

“No, I…” he sighs annoyed. “If you wrote it down in a song, why can’t you say it to my face?”

You gulp. “I have nothing to tell you.”

He raises a brow. “So you’re still confused. Should I satisfy you to hear you say it?”

You hide your face in your hands and groan. “Fine,” you snap. “I — I wrote that about you. And I, God, this is humiliating. You heard the song, you sang it. Do you want me to say it out loud? Was that not enough?”

Donghyuck smiles, and, for a moment, you fear he will break into a mocking laugh, but instead, his smile gets bigger. “Yes, I knew it,” he screams.

“Oh… of course it’s funny to you, maybe this is what you wanted all along, make me fall in love and then make fun of me.”

“Fall in love?” He whispers, stopping in his tracks to look at you, and only then you realise you said it loud and clear. And it’s worse than saying it in a song. “You love me seriously? Like it’s not just attraction and maybe liking me?”

You feel like choking up on tears but try not to show it. “So you can laugh at me more?”

“Why would I laugh at you? I just want to know if what you feel is real,” he replies, and somehow he sounds even more annoyed than before.

You hum and nod, no words can leave your mouth.

“Did you really think I would use this against you? Don’t you trust me?”

“I — I… I don’t know, okay? I do, but also, this was… this was all fake, just to write that song and now it’s real. And it was never supposed to be real, and maybe you never wanted me, cause I’m not your type and you hated me and we both wanted this to be over and now I feel like I can barely breathe without you, and I know that in the song I said I would’ve left the decision in your hands but the idea of you not wanting me back makes me sick and I —”

Your words fall into a void as he kisses you with no hesitation. Hands cupping your wet face and holding the back of your neck to keep you close.

“You’re so fucking stupid. So, so smart and yet such an idiot when it comes to feelings,” he chuckles when he pulls away. “You said I was an unexpected thing that completely changed your flow but do you have any idea of what you were to me? You ruined my second year,” he confesses, and your face quickly shifts into a worried expression, but he clears your doubts right away.  

“I thought I could beat you, I thought I could have the upper hand and… you messed up my days and nights. I thought you couldn’t fill up so much of my time when I already had so many friends but, fuck, I was wrong. And instead of distracting you, I let you distract me.”

“But I — I didn’t plan it, I didn’t want to —”

His thumb shushes you as his eyes crease in a smile. “You didn’t do anything, I just miscalculated. I didn’t know the amazing person you are, and let jealousy consume me before love took its place without me even noticing.”

You almost gasp. “Love? So, you do love me back?”

He nods. “Strong word, I know. But goddam, you were ten times cheesier in the song.”

You laugh and he does the same.

“But I am hurt, though. I can’t believe you thought I was playing you.”

“What were the chances you were going to fall for me, too? Nobody ever falls for me.”

“Good thing you only needed me to fall for you,” he says, kissing you. “So… did you fall for me at the beach?”

“I was confused back then. I knew I felt something but I didn’t know what it was. I thought it was only attraction, but at the same time, I felt like I needed you, you know?”

“And to think I wasn’t even sure of taking you there,” he giggles.

“Really?”

He nods. “I wanted to study, I already felt like I was falling behind and I thought I could use those three days to catch up, but then you crossed my mind and I forgot about the rest.”

You look down to hide the big smile on your face. No, you’re not happy you almost made him fail his second year in this war, but you love knowing how much he cares about you. The old Donghyuck would’ve never confessed this, he would’ve never shown how weak you make him. But now he’s proudly telling you how you genuinely occupied his thoughts.

“I know I didn’t show signs of failure, but you did succeed in your plan just a bit.”

He snorts. “Don’t need fools gold.”

“No, I’m serious. I mean, maybe you’re right, you didn’t, but I think you succeeded in something better. You showed me I can achieve my academic goals and still live life. You showed me so much. I had fun on my own, and I loved it, but I also only had myself and nobody to count on, and that sucks.”

“I didn’t do it.”

“Yes you did, you pushed me out of my comfort zone and trust me, I did panic sometimes. I just hide it better. But you gave me the chance to meet seven amazing people allowing me in your friend’s group. Some of you have known each other for so long, that’s probably when I should’ve put my heart at ease and realised you truly cared about me.”

“You fail to understand how likeable you are. Everybody loves you, you just don’t pay them attention.”

You shrug. He’s probably right. You never cared about that, but you won’t start caring about it now. You found your people, you found your place.

Staying at his place for the night is tempting, but, truth be told, you two want to be on your own on your first night as lovers. So, with the excuse of wanting to eat an ice cream (not an excuse, you will eat ice cream), you slip out of the place.

The others don’t care. Honestly, it’s clear that everyone except you two was expecting this ending, but you will deal with this tomorrow at lunch with the girls. For now, you chuckle at Jeno’s wink before he rests his head on Renjun’s shoulder again, who barely waves goodbye before going back to the movie they’re watching. Mark seems to be the only one confused at the way your arms are linked when you walk through the living room, but you’re sure that Yangyang, who has a teasing smirk on his face, will fill him in as soon as you’re out of the door. Jaemin will sneak at the girls’ hang-out tomorrow, his face lets it all known.

“I love this place,” Donghyuck says when you enter your apartment.

“Really? This hole?” You chuckle, leaving your bag at the door and getting rid of your shoes.

He nods. “It’s cosy and quiet, and I get to have you all to myself.” Before he finishes the phrases he pulls you in his hold, almost making you lose your balance and you scold him.

“Can you be less clumsy?”

“Mhh... no.”

“Also, it’s not like not being alone ever stopped you from being the clingiest man on earth.”

He huffs, throwing his head back as he slowly starts walking backwards to reach the bed. “As if you don’t like it.”

“You got us many suspicious looks,” you complain.

“Girl, everybody knew about us,” he says, falling on the bed with you. “I fear they were betting on a situationship but well, we didn’t do anything to keep this on the low.”

You shrug. “Whatever,” you say, caressing his face to move the hair on his eyes. “I don’t care. Tonight I just want to think about us.”

“Now you’re talking,” he hums happily. “Can I get a chocolate-less kiss?”

You laugh. “You can get all the kisses you want.”

Your lips connect to his to start a sweet kiss that lasts for a while. You never truly pull away as your hands start moving on each other to get rid of the clothes and leave you half-naked on the bed.

“Wanna taste you,” he murmurs, rolling around so your back is on the mattress before he starts going down. His fingers hook with the band of your panties and pull them down. “A bush?”

You huff. “I was just a bit busy, and didn’t have time to shave.”

“Good. I hope you don’t find time to do it ever again,” he says making you laugh.

“You like it?” You ask.

“I love it,” he replies.

You don’t have time to react because his lips are on you as soon as he's done talking. Your hips buck up and you fail to hold back the moans.

Donghyuck takes his sweet time, licking up stripes to get you wet before he starts sucking on your hardening clit.

Your head rolls back against the pillow and your hands can’t help but tangle in his hair to pull him closer. The groan of pleasure that comes out of his mouth at your gesture makes you tremble.

“So fucking sweet for me,” he mumbles against you. “My sweet girl.”

A dumb grin curls your lips and your eyes try to open to get a glimpse of him. You regret that action cause his pretty face smashed against you as he eats you out as if you're his last meal sends shivers straight to your core.

“Please,” you whimper, making him open his eyes to stare at you. Your throat tightens and you feel like you might pass out from that, but still force yourself to finish the phrase. “Don’t stop, you’re so good. I — I never felt like this.”

He grins, pulling away only to reply. “Yeah? Am I that good?”

You groan. He’s still so competitive and always has to prove a point. But you don’t care. That’s fun. That’s what you love about him. “Yes, you’re that good. Just please, keep doing it.”

“Never planned of stopping.”

When his mouth starts moving on you again you see stars. Your neck falls behind, enjoy the softness of the pillow, and you stop trying to keep it together, moaning loudly and chanting his name.

His hands wrap around your thighs, keeping you close to his mouth. And each flick of his tongue pushes the climax closer, making you see stars.

Your breath gets messier as you hit your peak and pleasure takes over your body as you let go to that blissful sensation running inside you.

You’re still gasping for air when you feel his fingers prodding at your entrance, slowly entering you.

“Hyuck, what are you—?”

“I want you to be ready for me,” he says. “I won't make you come another time, I promise. Just getting you wetter.”

You mumble a sound that makes no sense before you decide to relax and enjoy the sensation. It’s not like you would ever complain about his fingers, you simply don’t want to be too sensitive already. But he’s true to his words, his two fingers fuck into you, curling up right on your sweet spot, turning you on more and coating them white.

“Always so good for me,” he praises when he pulls out, sucking them harshly before he leans in to kiss you. Your hands wrap in his hair as you pull him closer, letting your legs wrap around his waist to pull him down. “Damn, calm down,” he chuckles close to your lips. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know, but I want you close.”

Donghyuck smiles. “Unhook your legs for a moment and I’ll be as close as possible.”

Reluctantly, you do as ordered, knowing that as soon as he’ll slip in, your legs will be exactly in the same place.

You barely pay attention when he does, too focused on the gentle kisses he's leaving on the crown of your head, cheeks and neck. Your eyes only open when he bottoms in and brings your legs around himself.

“Happy now?” He asks, brushing behind a few strands of hair that fell on your face.

“More than happy,” you reply smiling. Your body moves on its own when your hips buck up against him, eliciting a deep moan to slip past his lips.

That’s the sign he needs to know he can start moving. One hand places on your waist to keep you in place and the other supports his body as he starts dragging his hips out.

You can feel your heart skip a beat when he leans down and hides in the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply. “You always smell so good, that’s what tricked me to always be close to you,” he mumbles, nibbling your skin.

You chuckle, shaking your head. Even now he has something to say. Still, his words don’t distract him from his actions. With each stroke, he hits deep inside of you, hitting sensitive spots that make your toes curl and your fingers close into fists on the sheets.

After finding the perfect angle, Donghyuck starts speeding up, his thrusts not harsh but fast enough to build up a steady rhythm. And, with each one, you feel a wave of pleasure invading you.

“Come here,” you whisper, cupping his face to pull him close. “Wanna kiss you.” Your lips are on his right away and you both let go to a long passionate kiss as the hold of your legs around his waist tightens. One hand leaves his face to run on his back, feeling his muscles flex.

Your moans get louder with every passing second but they end up muffled in the messy kiss you’re still sharing.

When his hand sneaks between your bodies, so he can touch your clit in quick circular motions, you know you won’t last much longer. Your walls clench hard around him, and more wetness coats him as your hips buck up for more friction. And the last drop comes from his lips, leaving yours to wrap around your sensitive nipples.

“Hyuck,” your voice trembles as you call for him. Pleading eyes looking up at him. You should say something sex-related, maybe praise how good he’s making you feel, or how close you are, but even if those are the thoughts on the tip of your tongue, the words that come out are completely different. “I love you,” you whisper in a hush, feeling the weight disappear from your chest. Saying it clearly is like finally coming to the real realization.

Donghyuck smiles, kissing you repeatedly on the lips. “I love you, too.”

And soon after, you both reach your peak. The pleasure shoots through your bodies like fireworks in the sky.

You stay like that for a few minutes, kissing each other as you wait for your bodies to calm down.

When he slips out of you gently, putting his shirt under your body to avoid a mess, you still have a dumb, but content, smile on your face.

You don’t have the energy to move, so you lay there as you watch him move around to grab new clothes and two glasses of water. Just the time to pull yourself together, and you’re once again under the bedsheets, cuddled up against each other. You relax at the feeling of his fingers rubbing circles on the back of your neck and let his heartbeat be a sweet melody.

Mamma Mia is playing on the TV, but none of you has much energy to sing along to ABBA’s songs —he has a bit more than you as he hums the words.

When he chuckles, you look up at him.

“What’s so funny?” You ask, staring at the tv with a frown on your face. The SOS scene not being exactly one of the funniest one.

“I was thinking about us,” he says.

“I do hope we won’t end up like this.”

“Yeah, no, but you ended up being my Waterloo, I guess,” he whispers, looking at you. And then you get it, remembering when he sang it to you.

“I told you,” you reply, making him gasp offended. “What? You expected me to say something nice? You mocked me, you bragged and I cursed you with eternal love for me.”

Donghyuck laughs and then wraps his arms around you to pull you flatter against him, resting his chin on your head.

“You know this doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying to beat you, right?” He chuckles, but when you lift your gaze, getting a glimpse of him, you see his serious expression. And you hope he's true to his intention and that that spark set by your ambition will never die.

You smile smugly before relaxing against his warm embrace. “Yeah, but we’ll see if I’ll let you.”

YEARS LATER

“Is everything alright? Why are you looking at us like this?” You ask, shifting on your seat on the couch, looking at the girl in front of you.

“Is it true?”

“What?” Donghyuck says.

“Is it true that you two couldn’t stand each other?” She says, big brown eyes staring at you with curiosity.

You quirk a brow, giving your full attention to your daughter. “Why this sudden question?”

“Cause it’s embarrassing to see tweets of people going insane over you two, but also I think it’s unfair how these strangers seem to know more about my parents than me.”

You and Donghyuck laugh. “And what do they say?"

She rolls her eyes. “That they can’t believe you hated each other and that you started dating her to distract her but ended up falling for her?”

You look at each other smirking before a tender, nostalgic smile takes its place.

“Would it be so terrible?” He asks, tilting his head.

She thinks about it for a moment and then replies. “It would be a bit embarrassing for you, Dad. But also... cute. So?”

“I’d say it’s true,” he replies, shrugging.

“Wait, so you really started dating because you hated each other?” She screams, sitting straight on the loveseat, leaning toward you with her body.

You chuckle. “We didn’t hate each other. We believed we could outdo the other. And your father did too much, as always.”

“You were miserable before me,” Donghyuck replies, tightening his hold around your waist. “I had a plan, and it would’ve worked.”

You roll your eyes. “Imagine thinking you could make me fall in love and not fall in love with me,” you say to your daughter. “I was a real heartbreaker back then.”

“You still are,” she replies, smiling. “My friends go insane every time they realize who my parents are.”

Your daughter never brags about being your child. The famous singer, producer, and dancer Haechan, and you, who had a good launch as a singer before you realized that wasn’t your world and decided to stick to be a choreographer and PR manager (well, mostly Donghyuck’s choreographer and his manager). But everyone close to her knows who she is, and it’s not easy to act nonchalantly about it.

She has heard many stories about you two. The gossip about your story running wild since you broke into the industry. But you never sat down and explained it to her, not until now.

“We still have our charm,” Donghyuck laughs.

“I think the most important thing is your love and that you might be the best parents in the world. But I’m saying it officially only if you don’t turn it into a race.”

“Us? Turning something into a competition? We would never,” Donghyuck jokes.

She rolls her eyes, huffing loudly. And you can’t help but smile thinking how similar to your husband she looks right now.

“Honey, forgive us. How do you think we’re still having so much fun after all these years? That’s how we thrive, we learned how to push each other healthily.”

“Yeah, fine, I’m glad your love story is still perfect, but seriously, no competition when it comes to me. I love you both so much.”

“Come here,” you say, patting the space in front of you on the couch. Hugging her when she sits down between you two. “You are the only thing we won’t turn into a competition.”

Donghyuck hums in agreement, wrapping his arm around you two. “We both won with you.”

general taglist: @froggyforhyuck, @wingsss45, @tddyhyck, @technologyculturedneo

fic taglist: @hcluvie, @gusgus0517, @multifandomania, @413cl, @odgsuji,

@hey-hey-heybitch, @nctrawberries, @n0hyuck, @haechoshi,

@girlwholoveslpreppyattire, @viciousdarlings, @hyuckmoon,

@jaeymark, @hqech, @xntlax, @milkyway-vxm, @fullsunahceah,

@beomgyusonlywife, @toroufriteh, @yesohhsehun, @shxnz

@haecastor, @hyucksaint, @sk8ermark, @midnightrained

@maiteeeeesstuff, @smwhrinthehaze, @yoursyuno

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[solardick]

If you ask me, green?

It's a primary. Colour.it is, it's every where beyond blue green here is everywhere. I'm not caring

If its part of two other colours , it takes from The yellow of the sun. And the . blue. From the sky. Put then together and you go. Red colour is the one that doesn't belong red is a hidden colour and with it sharp attention. Sharp to denote the presence of thorns. it belongs to delicacy and to the reception of war. It marks endings. To fiddle with it is to risk life.

To see where I'm going with this. There's always one that doesn't belongs to another order. Don't ask me. The demon in red. That’s why pink is so awesome. It’s red. But with a lot of white. If evil was to be any colour. It would defiantly be red. Personal bias. Here. It’s the serpent and the dove. Except that it’s not black and white to create a boring grey. Noont likes grey ok. It’s black or it’s white.

Thats pretty gay.

Dont call it pretty! …well, what do you want from me. I hang with a bunch of fags all day.

Naw, its a cool colour. Denotes happiness. White is the shade wanted anyway. It means clarity and mind. As in white is light. It’s receptive on the side of light. What ever little black there is in the red. Shows an imperfect nature but capable. Shows there is a trace shadows but that one has a handle on them. Bringing with it a sense of comfort to vulnerability and loss potential. Or soemsuch. I dont know.

The whole lgtbq whatevee community could have just taken pink. But no, they take everyother coulour but pink. So, im a little confused about wtf?! Its the god damned colinization of the americas all over again. Nothing learnt.

Peace and love may suck my balls. And i mean that. Wouldn’t trust in rage and carnage to do that. No sir.

Oops. <- see that there? That’s what you call artistry. oO fool. When thise connections hint. Outside previous script. That is fun.

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

What of the word oops? There’s none other like it, that starts with Oo. Not common parlance.

😆

Nope sorry not going to sleep. I have trauma to do.

Sex is the only thing i had. And i kept it to myself. And now its broken. I dotn want to be alive anymore. Oh well giess im not even allowed to masterbate. I never was allowed to care about anything. Im not even even allowed to mnow what freedom feels like. Hahaha 39 years and counting.

Well i can get nothign else from tarot. Im done. Now what? Its not like j can do this with a person. Vedio games drugs and alcohol. If they didnt want me doing it. It wodbt be so easily attainable. Its all just a walk down the block.

Yay a fantasy wothout the deive and the deive wothout the fantasy. Yay. Fuck i need some pussy. Ones artificail injected and conditioned and the other is nature. You can tell the difference. And all it serves is to retard development. And now i can allow see women in a derogotory way. And now i see gays in a derogetory way. One allows me to get off. Seems for rewarding. Oh well, still got degenerate hetero males. Guess yhats my life. Serrounded by bs. And nothig to live for. Hey nothing has changed but hey at least the destabilizing attacks are mostly gone. No more violence coming from without. I leanred thats its ok coming from others not from oneself. Pressures and stresses have been scales down. No more freakign out. And sayign stupid shit. Droped the stupid ass australian whore. I liked here for what she had underneath. She played shit. I gave it back. It was fun. She enjoyed it. I didnt. But. Whatever. Thats all i ever do. Fight back get punished for it. Thats life.

I always tried to bring out that little sparkle some of them have inside. And i did on some account to a coupel of them. But most if them or ghosts. And morons. Like me but in an non- intently destructive way. On well. Peoplw ahve litterally been shocing their cocks at me somce i was like 6. So whatever. Continue on. Its all theres ever been. Sorry we’re. Ot allowed talkign. Cus im sexy and your a whore.

So, as we wait on the development of thos queer ass script that i managed to salvage to some degree. Guess ill be waiting to see what guy im going to be set up with to get fucked. No no im not here to reproduce. Or produce anything. Im just here to be fucked. Plain and simple. 39 years have taught. Ir the o ly thing im good for. Wo der of their still comig. Into my appartment and drugging my food

Pretty sure my fakily was dosing me with anti-spychotics. That and the anti-depressants probably fucked me up. All those years just a potato. Wonder what feeling loved and accepted by a girl feels like. I wonder what not havong a wall of stress feels like. Theres always a threat. Indotn know what life is with out that either. Cones hand and hand with stress. Well its 2:30 i aint sleeping. Probably dosed. Again. Aint no full moon. Isnt natural. Ate nothign but sleepy food. Oh well ill just stay born serpeunded by ignorance neglect, violence and sex. Thats all life is.

Anyway thats why pussies are pink. They are full of white. With the occasional red. I dont make up the rules. And be wary of anyone that gives an insult as a compliment. It mixes insult (primate shit) to that of love.

This also shows to be wary of mixing images of significance with that of language. These images need to be carefully chosen. Or these images become apart of the everyday functioning of communication.

Even though how much i like the Oo death card, for its beauty it is a dominantly feminine, receptive signifier for sex. The added notion that i comes from a deck called something similar to; un jeux de carte des dames. A woman’s card game. Crowley in his honesty didn’t even try to hide it. His spychedelic bad trips mixed in with the perversion of sexuality. Shows credit to the 1960’s hippy movement trashing natural experience. As serves the moon landing, for man kind to the new age, to the receptive motives of nourishing basic desires over the rational.

The Russians tried to get it first? Im not so sure. Isnt really their p.o. Anywai leanred in elementary school that the austrailians are the last country(apart of the good union to be set for assimilation. For the nuclear fallout will take some time to drift over that continent. But it will eventually. You’d figure otherwise, basing on the facts that the country was inhabited by criminals and pirates. And that their national holidays are about the invasion of war and its victory. Where as the americas are based upon the freedom and emancipation. Theres no celebration of the initiatory acts of war. Just the closing of it. Well the amerivan sid eof it anyway. The canadian side, pulled down their pants and said we give up. Dont hurt us. Celebrating canada day is kind of pathetic. The flag of the fallen leaf. Surrounded by red and white. Shows the beauty of death and acceptance of detachment. The bleeding sect. Not all that different from the nazi flag. Symbolizing peace, fortune and the full repetition of life based upon the gamma influence. Considering that both sides of the war. Stopped killing wach other and celebrated christmas together shows that their motives are one and the same thing. It be risky to say that the nazi parties veiled by death and destruction and the Canadian are the same thing. The only bit pf difference is the colour black. Which shows a hint of violence compared to the all white (pink) of the flag. One side had a steinger focus on death( canada) and the other on life (the swastika). The flag of the rising sun isnt all that different either. Not to mention that at the same time the americas were floodign with foreign philosophy and “spychology” which is a feminine name came right out of the holocaust. Speaking about the anima and animus found inside the brains of man and woman. Freud with his evwrythign is a penis and Jung with his, you have a little woman inside. Embrace it. Which would seem about eight considering all he ever side was intruded himself inside the minds of patients. Placing them of the receptive side of experience. The name of the game is to take over that position. While in that state theres no act forward.for being receptive to the act of law and regulation. Isnt enough. They want more.

For all the people that think the WW’s wasn’t an inside job. Anyway theres nothing to do about it if one wants to be apart of the world amd its accompanied personalized cultural heritage.

Just the external demon doing it’s thing. Got to control one’s projection towards available rewards. The more of the spyche that is externalized the better. From there two may easily fiddle with experience. While the life affirming are also being prohected by consequence. A pretty little thing may catch the projection with ease. As long as its fix and out. It cant be inside and life affirming. The longing for a legitanite need for nourishment and peace, while being receptive and accommodating, lacking any volatility one may find after just reading that. Sadly, thats not the case. Volatility abounds. While the prjection is no longer there the fantasy has say, and the internalization of Want and Need. Adopting the influence with ease. Since its mostly just internally created images anyway. For the complete lack of any authenticity, and prosocial behavior. The nothings of 0. One starts to imagining what two is like. The fantasy pictures possibilities.

All lack of “masculine movement”, gives nothing to motivation. All acts forward have been framed to loss. The only choice is nullification. Or dullification. I know, it’s “not” a word. I dont have a sidewalk. Its just a stream. One walks up it. Past it and see’s everything. The touch choices are choice comfort, and the creation of sensuous desire. Or its the group dynamic. Now here also depends ipon ehat cloud of information is raining fury upon it. If its not a choice, there’s only decay.

“Yah, i ain’t walking up those steps. Do you see whats up there? They can howler down like a murder of crows.

For example;

War doesn’t mean war. A crunch of violent vulnerability, fear, ignorance, and promises. Being filled in like a vessel. The mind fills the moon and a desire for reception. R and W overlap with the number 18. W is letter 23. (5 for the fool and the king) and temperance is number 14. 23-14= 9.. Card for the hermitic wisdom. Or the i-card for joy. i to j. Joy to chariot . 23+14= 37. Minus the tarot equals number 16, the tower or to P the hanged man. The enlightenment.

While MAN equals the wheel, the fool and strength.

Where as Woman has the added Moon and O death cards.

The wheel turns and nature along with it. Save it the wheel card itself might active production and not “corrective conditioning.” If ine is just going to mix everything together. In the same pool of water. Like the beautiful star card does. The word for Moon is pretty much the same. A wheel, an O fool, and strength. Which seems to equal woman over man. The double dose of masculine colours are reflected by a doudle dose of feminine images. And now the whole script itself becomes projected onto reality. If one were to ever mistake it as not being a game.

So bye bye tarot. Ive been glied to a tv for 30 plus years. I have nothign to gain from this that isnt encumbering. Theres no eauality. Just a one sided crime. The mind starts raping itself because both side are incompatible. Forcing a submission for the desire for peace. Doesnt matter if its artificially produced by outside forces. And it means the death of the natural function of sustaining life. The genome becomes less important. For sex and death have been combined. The french called it, “le petit mort.” There’s only an external masculine image conditioned by two parts woman and one part man. If it had any opportunity to grow. Otherwise one becomes an over feminized. If choice was made against any better alternatives.

Its just when it on active engagement with life does the conditioning take second seat. No longer consequential, if attention isnt paid to self. And not another. It be so easy to go full woman. And feel liberated from pain and suffering. Forever haunted by “karma” and self - disrespect. Without the choice of doing it oneself. Which is why the image of pride is so important. The internal inage of man crys out to mommy only to be spanked or ignored or laughed at.

If one changes the I-fool for that of the E fool. And coverter strenght as harmony to that of strength as violence. Or over domineering pressence. The then script is how it really is.

While also showing a happy emperor fallowing strict rules of conduct. The eternal child is fulfilled and fun and loving. Not reckless and destructive.

One has to separate and add positive outgoing images of masculine sexuality in place of the Oops card. Lou fucken a tiger works great. The two horses of the chariot arw clasically made to the image of felines. Which again. Is a feminine word. The fact thats its the masculine feline that holds kingship through out the land. Within cultural context inside this cloud of information. The lion is surrounded by active outgoing females. It just protects the nest. As all good males should do. Which requires the use of violence. Ir it cant protect itself from outside threats. Which are always there. And always have been. If your the deer you get taken out. If your the lion. Your more pasificist then the wife. Either or.

Though the tiger does cause some problems considering the japanese/asian influence that place significance on its images and meaning. And to that of the dragon. Especially to that of a dragon with a dove. Which is the equalivant of raping a man. Or to the dragon without the conditioning to that of instincts. But its overall mean is identical to that of the strength card found in tarot. Just the sexes are reversed to ther proper order. Considering how queer that movie was. Holy crap is right.

And just like a soldier, i keep on moving forward. Always getting closer.

🫰🏼🤌🏼

There’s alot of framing of mind going on.

Save for a moment of shift in experience. When one is found outside the “curse” propelled, when intent or expectation predict an outcome of horror, to the reversal of this experience under a lense of “love” over that of hate. A reversal of dialogue. As the scene switches from the male protagonist and centers on the female antagonist. Being humanized by all the protagonist’s prosocial behaviour. And that event be true. There was always going to be harm coming from the antagonist. Save that now it was unintentional, and deeply sympathetic.

Not mentioning, where FE or SHE play would with cards either. The emperor and the fool. FE.

The devil, the lover, the fool. SHE. There becomes an inconsistency. For FEmale represents rulership. This centers around the FELine. Royal lineage. For both FE and SHE are a feminine tense. Whoch breaks down in the sentence. She the female is queen. Both overlap. As does the devil S make the only distinction from HE. As does HE become the lover and the fool. And becomes a sHE when left to temptation.

[risottostitties]

I love your headcanon posts! what are some of your headcanons (backstory and personality) for the rest of La Squadra?

Oh boy, these got kinda long. I hope you enjoy my dumb rambling about La Squadra (also my bias towards Melone and Sorbet+Gelato is showing I’m so sorry) I added the songs I used for inspiration on Sorbet and Gelato’s stands so that’s something lmao

Also also I’m still trying to figure out formatting on tumblr I’m so sorry.

Also also also I have so many dumb headcanons for the inner bureaucratic workings of Passione and what each ‘position’ in the gang entails and how Passione became a dominant force in Italy and oops I’ve slipped them in here a bit my b.

Fromaggio

-        He got his start smuggling. Drugs, weapons, people, Little Feet made that a breeze.

-        The thought of being an assassin never crossed his mind, because it seemed like a lot of work. More so than smuggling which was basically just getting stuff from point a to point b without getting caught.

-        Fromaggio was a confident dude, laid back and easy going with an agreeable personality that most people enjoyed.

-        He’s not exactly details oriented though, and that’s what came to bite him in the ass.

-        He was working with one of the few groups not affiliated with Passione and it was only a matter of time before the operation was busted.

-        Fromaggio never really asked many questions about his jobs, nor did he care very much who or what he was smuggling. He met with a man in Malta seeking entrance into Naples and was willing to pay handsomely. So of course, Fromaggio agreed.

-        If he’d been paying more attention, he would have recognized that man as Prosciutto.

-        Fromaggio brought the assassin right into their main warehouse and it was game over from there.

-        Prosciutto took interest in Fromaggio’s stand and decided against killing the man, instead bringing him to Risotto to see what the Capo thought about his abilities.

-        When offered a choice between dying with the rest of his old associates or joining Passione, the choice was obvious.

-        He really, really enjoys gambling. Prosciutto supplements his income with Fromaggio’s gambling habit.

-        Fromaggio gets along well with all of La Squadra. He’s always been an agreeable dude and he’s willing to give just about anything a shot once. So he’s at least passingly knowledgeable about the interests and hobbies of other members.

-        Fromaggio, Prosciutto, Pesci, Ghiaccio, and Melone make up the main ‘kill squad’ of La Squadra where Illuso, Sorbet, and Gelato handle clean up and intel gathering.

 Illuso

-        Illuso does very little killing himself. For the most part, he deals with disposing of evidence. The mirror world is great for that.

-        Because of this he has the lowest kill count out of all of them.

-        He is Sicilian like Risotto, and they converse in Siciliano when it’s just the two of them. Neither of them is particularly chatty though.

-        Ghiaccio and Pesci didn’t know he was a member of the squad for weeks because he rarely ever leaves the mirror. He doesn’t even have a room in their hideout, he just sleeps in the room of whoever forgets to cover their mirror.

-        Most of the time its Pesci’s room because he feels bad

-        I hc him at about 27

-        He joined La Squadra after Ghiaccio and was more or less ‘gifted’ by Polpo because of his quiet demeanor.

Ghiaccio

-        He’s baby (24)

-        His first kill was at age 18 when he was working in a chop shop and beat someone to death with a wrench.

-        Melone was the one to bring him into La Squadra, his bike was getting some work done in the shop and he was there to see Ghiaccio snap.

-        Risotto wasn’t keen on letting someone so young join La Squadra and initially turned Ghiaccio away. Which pissed the boy off enough for him to seek out Polpo, demand a trial, and come back with White Album.

-        He had never skated in his life, but White Album gave him the instinctive ability to do so.

-        He can only skate while wearing White Album. Without it, he actually had to learn.

-        He reflexes and balance also improved greatly after gaining White Album

-        He’s the only one not ‘trained’ by Prosciutto, instead Risotto took over his ‘training’. The Capo wanted to personally make sure he was equipped to handle the life that comes with La Squadra.

-        Risotto and Ghiaccio are quite close. Risotto was initially intrigued by White Album and Ghiaccio liked Risotto the most because he was the only person who was careful with his words.

-        He’s got a keen eye for detail and an eidetic memory. He enjoys taking apart electronics and seeing how they work (and how he can improve them)

-        Ghiaccio enjoys working with cars, but doesn’t like all the oil and grease.

Melone

-        I hc his age at 28

-        He was always too inquisitive for his own good, and very curious as a child. Most people found him annoying

-        Melone has absolutely zero respect for personal space. If he likes you, he will hang off you without a second thought.

-        And if someone retaliates jokes on you he think’s its hot.

-        It is possible to make him angry, but he won’t let it show out of spite. You really gotta be angling for it if you want to piss him off, and if you’ve put in that much effort into getting a rise out of him he’s not going to give you the satisfaction.

-        His mom was like Giorno’s, a party girl who resented her children for holding her back

-        He has an older half sister who took care of him when he was younger. They were extremely close.

-        From her he learned to paint nails, braid hair, and they both really enjoyed looking at horoscopes and other astrology/pseudoscience things.

-        She was 10 years older than Melone, and when she married Melone went to live with her (he was about 12 at the time) and he never really got along with his brother in law.

-        Her husband was in Passione, a low ranking Soldato but an ambitious one. She was aware of her husband’s occupation but decided the risk was worth the reward (and the financial stability)

-        Her eventual pregnancy led to Melone’s fascination with pregnancy and childrearing.

-        She died due to complications with a late term miscarriage when he was 16

-        After this Melone and his brother in law stuck together. Melone joined Passione, receiving his stand from Polpo’s Arrow.

-        The pair of them had a pretty good scheme going on but eventually his brother in law bit off more than he could chew, and Risotto was called in to clean up the mess.

-        Babyface proved to be a challenge, and instead of eliminating Melone as he was working with the target Risotto decided to offer him a choice.

-        Self-preservation won out and in a show of loyalty Melone had Babyface kill his former brother in law. At best, he tolerated the man because his sister loved him and after she died he was a good meal ticket so when his life was on the line it didn’t take much prodding for Melone to turn on him.

-        It took a while for Risotto to trust him because of how easily Melone’s loyalties shifted but once that trust was earned Melone never gave Risotto a reason to regret it even if his impulsive decisions (such as dragging Ghiaccio into Passione) caused him some trouble occasionally.

Pesci

-        Pesci is actually, genuinely, a sweet guy. He’s respectful of his superiors, polite (if not a bit awkward) to strangers, will offer help if he sees someone struggling with a heavy bag or something on a high grocery shelf, the whole nine yards.

-        He has a habit of second guessing himself and apologizing often but is quick to offer reassurance to people if he sees they’re having a bad day.

-        He also has a hair trigger temper and killed a man by snapping his neck with his bare hands.

-        That’s what landed him in jail.

-        Its like flipping a switch with this guy.

-        Risotto personally bailed Pesci out of jail and brought him into his team because of his brute strength. It was novel, to see someone so capable without a stand.

-        He received his stand from Polpo’s arrow.

-        Pesci is the newest member of La Squadra, but not the youngest (that honor goes to Ghiaccio) and I personally hc him at 25

-        His ‘training’ mostly consists of shadowing Prosciutto and observing how he does things. There is a lot to be learned from watching another stand user work, even if their stands are vastly different.

-        He lacks real strategy, which is another reason he was teamed up with Prosciutto (who winds up ‘training’ most of the new recruits anyway)

-        He’ll be considered a full fledged assassin once he completes his first job on his own (with Illuso or Fromaggio tailing him to observe, depending on the abundance of mirrors)

Sorbet and Gelato

-        Of the two, Sorbet is the most talkative. He’s got a pretty good sense of humor, and a natural charisma about him that puts people at ease if they don’t already know him

-        Gelato and Prosciutto are both card sharks and they keep their skills sharp by practicing on each other.

-        While no one would call any of them selfless, they would lay down their lives for each other without hesitation.

-        They have so many words unique to their relationship that people listening in would assume they’re talking in code half the time.

-        Sorbet and Gelato are the oldest members of La Squadra. Sorbet was 36 when he died, and Gelato was 41

-        Sorbet got his start in Passione, Gelato was part of a ‘merger’ so to speak.

-        The previous syndicate Gelato was a part of was assimilated by Passione after Diavolo returned to Italy. He was familiar with Pericolo as they had been part of the same group.

-        Sorbet and Gelato both have stands, although they were both born stand users.

-        Gelato’s stand is called Mack the Knife and it allows him to eat anything regardless of size (and his stomach acid has a ph value of 1.3). On top of this, it also gives him sharp and study teeth. If for some reason something he eats breaks a tooth he has more in reserve, like a shark.

-        Sorbet’s stand is called Fortunate Son and essentially it hides the user and anyone they touch in plain sight. They’re not invisible, but you must be consciously looking for Sorbet in order to find him when Fortunate Son is active.

-        They joined La Squadra before it was ‘La Squadra’ Risotto (being green himself at the time) wanted more experienced people on his team but had little to no luck recruiting people until these two.

-        They’re well known in the gang for their unorthodox (putting it gently) methods of doing things and kept most people from approaching them.

-        Primarily they ‘interview’ people for information on Squadra targets, but those interviews always turn deadly.

-        While they enjoy killing more than anyone else in La Squadra, they don’t typically get kill jobs because they’re just good at interrogating people. They make do with that just fine though. Neither of them enjoys leaving loose ends.

-        Before Illuso joined, Gelato oversaw clean up and disposal.

[pwarkluv]

❝ what is love? - l.mk ❞

lee mark x reader | fluff | 2k words

WARNINGS | lowercase is intended, idol au, love at first sight au, 6thmemberofitzy!reader, shy!mark and shy!reader, fluff bc that’s what i’m best at LOL, another request :), just enjoy <3

REQUEST | “hii i read ur electric love fic w jisung and i really loved it :DD could you do the same for mark ? still as the 6th member of itzy ofc :D” - my lovely anon <3

SUMMARY | he wonders what is love, but finds the answer in you.

AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by the song “what is love” by twice (english lyrics by genius translations)! ANOTHER REQUEST HDSFKLDSJHF IM SO SO SO SO EXCITED! i wanted to change up the setting so it’s still 6th member itzy, but not in weekly idol :P ALSO this was inspired by when nct dream, itzy, and stray kids sat next to each each other in that one award show so yeah lolol. IM SO SORRY I LOST THE MESSAGE WHERE MY ANON ASKED FOR IT BUT I STILL WROTE IT FOR YOU! I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU, NEVER BE SHY TO DM ME ;)

what is love?

mark knew the general idea of it; the sappy moments movies show, the “butterflies in your stomach” feeling books portray, the pain and hardships songs make you feel. 

but he’s never been in love, at least not like this.

❝ how could it be as sweet as candy? ❞

training at such a young age molded mark into the perfect idol, and with that he was fully aware dating would look bad to the public. he accepted the fact that he might never find love, all to help achieve his dream. 

but as cheesy as it sounds, the canadian wished to be loved. 

yes he was loved by his members, his family, his friends, his fans; but the type of love he longed for was something none of them could give him. 

mark wanted to feel the sweetness of being in love, the giddiness you’d feel whenever you talk to them, the pounding of your heart whenever they’re near. he wanted to experience the overwhelming need to be with that person, like if they’re gone for too long it’s like you can’t breathe.

was being in love like making a song for the very first time? or was it like eating watermelon all the time?

so many questions with no answers, the boy left to wander in his own thoughts. 

❝ how it’s like flying in the sky? ❞

he smiled bittersweetly as the newly wed couple danced around in confetti, the sound of laughter and cheers resonating around the room. one of nct’s managers that had been with them since the beginning invited them to her wedding, to which the team obviously accepted. 

all 23 of them were happy for their noona who found her happy ending. mark could only watch in awe at the sight of the two lovebirds, the love and adoration for the other evident in the way they looked at each other.

his heart tugged a bit knowing he wanted something like that too. 

“being in love is like flying in the sky.” his manager explained to the boy as a makeup artist experimentally brushed strokes on her face. it was a couple hours before the ceremony when mark knocked on her hotel door, wanting to visit his favorite noona before she finally said ‘i do’. 

his question left his mouth before mark could fully register what he was about to say, the poor boy flushing a bit as the woman laughed at him. 

“are you in love mark? is that why you’re asking me how i knew i was in love?” she teased as mark stutterd, denying her accusation.

“n-no i swear!” he said as his manager continued laughing, the makeup artist having to pause a bit to let her get it all out. “i’m just curious.” mark said quietly trying to stop the heat from rushing up to his cheeks. 

“well being in love is a magical feeling.” the woman said, turning a bit serious. mark sat up straight as he listened intently. “when you realize you love someone, it can be a scary thing. love isn’t perfect mark, and i want you to know that. there are moments where you want to scream and rip your hair out, or cry to let it all out.”

the boy nodded in understanding, having a bit of knowledge from all the good breakup songs taylor swift writes about. 

“but it can also change your whole world.” she continued on. “it’s like seeing the world again for the very first time and the colors are more vibrant. it’s like having a permanent reason to be happy, and a reason to stay.” she explained as the mark sat quietly trying to comprehend it all. 

❝ i wanna know know know know, what is love? ❞

the poor boy’s head couldn’t wrap around the thought of you. 

his heart hammered in his chest as he secretly glanced at you, desperately trying to avoid suspicion from fans and his members. you were just too breathtaking, having the canadian looking back for more. 

the moment he first laid eyes on you, it was like an epiphany. you were the answer to all his questions.

so this is what it feels like, mark thinks to himself as he looks back on all the things he’s heard about love. 

the butterflies, the pounding of your heart, the “seeing the world in a whole new perspective”, mark felt everything and as much as he felt excited, he was scared.

as harmless as it sounds, award shows were a risky thing for idols. being surrounded by fans of different groups as well as said groups themselves always seemed to cause a bit of a stir between fans.

between dating rumors and rumors about beef between two idols, anything could happen.

but usually mark would be okay. he’s been doing this for a long time and knew how to behave.

however what he didn’t expect was to see you, the tiny rookie idol from the newly debuted girl group ‘itzy’. 

nct 127’s table was right next to yours which let mark have a clear view of your pretty eye smile as you laughed at something lia had whispered into your ear. your laugh was bubbly and contagious, the boy having to physically stop himself from wanting to laugh too. 

he was panicking, but mark couldn’t tell if it was in a good or bad way. 

❝ what does love feel like? ❞

your breath hitched as you saw the boy sneak glances at you from the corner of your eye.

the mark lee was looking at you, your heart racing as you tried to deny the fact that he was staring you down. there was no way the dude you’ve looked up to your entire trainee life is noticing you, no way at all.  

everyone has heard of mark lee even if you weren’t into kpop. he was just that iconic. 

you’ve been an nctzen since the very beginning, being there for nct u’s debut stage. in fact, nct was the very reason you decided to audition to become an idol in the first place. you looked up to the team but more importantly you looked up to a certain canadian in the group.

originally doyoung was your bias in nct when nct u first came out. but as the years passed by you found yourself more and more intrigued by mark, having him absolutely wreck your bias list.

since then you’ve been a loyal mark stan, even rapping his part in cherry bomb for your audition tape which ultimately led you to become an idol yourself. 

you refused to believe you were in love with the dude, not knowing a single thing about him. there was no way you could love him, not if you’ve never even met the boy.

but your heart seemed to prove you wrong as it beat wildly knowing mark was sitting right there on the table next to you. 

“you okay bubs?” lia asked in a worried tone, leaning in to whisper into your ear. she saw the way your leg bounced in a fast rhythm, knowing you only did that when you were nervous. 

you forced a smile as you hesitantly looked her way, knowing that she could take one look into your eyes and know you were lying. “i'm fine unnie, don’t worry about me.” you replied as sweetly as you could, wishing the elder wouldn’t notice a thing. 

though you two and yeji were the eldest in the group, all being born in the year 2000, you were the baby of the unnie line. lia and yeji knew you the best, having grown up with you after all. 

the girl only gave you a look before taking your hand in hers to give a soft squeeze. “i know you’re lying but i won’t push you. also mark lee from nct 127 is totally checking you out.” lia said, whispering a bit on the last part. she winked as you flushed, looking away in horror. 

-

johnny nudged the boy next to him with a small smirk, clearly seeing the heart eyes he was giving the girl in the table next to them. mark jumped a bit at the feeling, looking at his hyung with confusion.

“so y/n of itzy?” johnny said with a small smile as the younger immediately sat up straight. 

“is it that obvious?” mark whispered back with a hint of fear in his eyes.

if any of the fans were to get a hold of this… the boy could only shiver at the thought. 

johnny’s playful smile dropped a bit at mark’s worried look knowing how he must feel. they were idols after all.

“don’t worry, i only noticed because she was looking back at you too.” he said, mark flushing at the revelation.

“really?” he asked a little out of it. 

“i say talk to her after this?” the elder said, laughing a bit when mark jumped in his seat, immediately saying no. 

❝ will love come to me someday? ❞

“unnie why are you making me stay in the dressing room~” you whined as the end of the award show came along.

you just wanted to go home, your body worn out. not from all the dancing but from the way it viciously pounded in your chest whenever you ever thought about mark. 

lia only smirked in retaliation as she brought a hand up to squish your cheeks. “trust me, you’ll thank me later.” she said as she walked out of the dressing room, bumping into a 6 foot tall boy with a smaller boy behind him. 

“oops sorry.” she said a little playfully, as lia gave a wink to johnny knowing their plan was going accordingly. johnny only gave her a small smile, but if you looked closely you could see the mischief in his eyes. 

“hyung where are we going?” mark asked, a little weirded out by the two’s interaction. johnny only ignored the boy, dragging him by his arm as they walked down the hallway. 

“hyung i swear if this is a prank i’ll-” mark’s words were cut off as the two entered a door, only to see your confused face staring back at him. 

“oh shit.” he cursed under his breath, a little taken aback from how beautiful you were. one whole award show later and you were still as gorgeous as when he first saw you sitting down in the table next to his. 

your confused face quickly turned to an embarrassed one as you noticed the boy, turning another shade of red when you noticed he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

“hi y/n, my name is johnny and this is my band mate mark.” the taller boy said, holding his hand out in a handshake. 

“h-hi i’m y/n.” you stuttered, not expecting to see the boy you’ve been daydreaming about for the past two hours to be right in front of you. 

mark gawked at the sight of you, his mind malfunctioning as the words seemed to get stuck at the tip of his tongue.

“markie right here has something he wants to ask you.” johnny said, pushing the younger in front of him with a grunt. 

this seemed to knock him right out of his trance, a hand coming up to the back of his neck as he stared down at the floor with pink cheeks.

“do you maybe wanna-”

“yes.” you blurted out, a hand covering your mouth in shock. “i-if you were gonna ask if i wanted to hang out sometime, the answer is yes.” you said a little shyly as the boy smiled. 

all this time mark thought he was gonna find love, but maybe love found him instead. 

“i’ll pick you up at 6 tomorrow evening.” mark said with a sweet smile as he took a step back only to be pushed back up again by johnny.

“you don’t even have her number you dumbass.” the elder scolded, disappointed at how dumb the boy was. 

your laughter caught both of the boy’s attention as you put your hand out with a small smile. “you want my number or nah?”

[olderthannetfic]

i was logged out, oops, but uh yes i think i need some emotional distance before i can appriciate the amazing amount of what feels like original fic bc right now i want 'canon compliant' stuff but that tag doesn't have what i expected it to have. i am very unaccostumed to big fandoms and have now realised i actually suck at finding fic i wanna read (this is no one fault but mine, i just find it amusing that now even the site with the best tagging system i know cannot save me)

well i wanted to gush a bit more about bts but i was worried about being overbearing so i, for one, i'm glad for the variety of people you talk to xD progress update: i watched about 65 thousand videos of jk existing and im compromised. my friends now feel sorry for me and give me commiserating pats. i remember reading finr say liking bts is just having a bias and 6 bias wreckers and that sounds about right 😭😭😭 also, i did not expect it to be so hard to find fic where they're just idols??

Ohhh. Yeah, that's a definite problem. I'd say actually canon-compliant fic is the hardest thing to find in BTS fandom. (Well, at least if you want it to be 1. good, 2. with tropes you like, and 3. with the character dynamics/ships/etc. you want.)

The tag 'canon compliant' just means they're still idols in modern Korea. Half of it is BTS-but-now-a/b/o or JK with bunny ears or something.

(Honestly, if you filter out a/b/o and hybrids from your 'canon compliant' results or just filter BTS to remove AU tags entirely, that's a better start than looking at 'canon compliant'.)

I'm not that into truly canon compliant fic because I haven't been into BTS long enough, and I don't keep up well with their reality shows or interviews or vlives, etc. etc. Some of the fic that does exist was written a few years ago and is closely tied to things from then. I tend to like it if it's set in their real lives theoretically, but it fudges the eras a little instead of expecting the reader to know every single detail of exactly what they were doing in March 2015 or something.

Off the top of my head, I liked that one where Hobi wants to learn to give blowjobs but somehow decides it will be less weird if there are three of them there rather than two.

[koishua]

Stray kids for the ask game 👀 - 💐

my bias + bias wrecker* ... my bias is jisung and wrecker who wrecks me every single second of the day is my beloved yang jeongin. the roles can reverse any time so a fair warning sdkncdn

first time i heard of them ... the survival show when it was airing. i didnt watch it though :')

when i became a fan ... after district nine released and i saw a few performances!!

favorite (and least favorite) title track ... FAV TITLE TRACK IS MY PACE 200 PERCENT UGH its my go to hype song oml that song is the skz equivalent of nct dream's go for me. least fav title track would be gods menu bahahha im terribly sorry i just didnt like it all that much ;-;-; yes all of the looks and sets and chore were immaculate but the song itself was... meh :') for me at least ig

favorite (and least favorite) b-side ... oml you cannot make me choose a favourite. its literally illegal. i adore the tortoise and the hare, red lights, another day, any, easy, gone days, get cool and maze of memories and so many more. as for least favourite i’d say it would be... idek oml awaken? the vibes are great oml but alas i have to choose a least favourite song im sorry yall smh

favorite (and least favorite) mv ... fav mv would be cheese, thunderous, any and all in bahaha. least fav would be hellevator oops

favorite (and least favorite) album ... in life is like oml impeccable ugh. least fav could be mixtape cdjb the way i feel so guilty bc the songs are all good

a concept i wished they’d try* ... let’s go with princes sdjbljd like. the concept enha had

what i like most about them* ... i cant even choose lol i love their humor, their bond, their personalities, their music :’)

ask game: send a kpop group!

[yunkiwii]

!! sixth of november !!

to suni, SUNI HI so i have something :') i'm incredibly sorry for :') SO I HAVEN'T STALKED UR BLOG RYT and there was an anon who asked fic recs :') on my writing blog :') AND IM SO SORRY I SAID I BARELY KNOW BLOGS THAT WROTE SFW BUT YOU WRITE SFW AND FOR ATEEZ AND IM JUST SO /!?!?!!?!?!?!? WHEN I KNEW ABOUT IT AND IM JUST SO SO SORRY NKASNDJKA oh oh oh and i PROMISE to catch up on ur works soon i've just been so caught up with school and mental issues asjdnak anyway i hope u had a great day !! if not i'm so sorry )): i'm sure tomorrow will be better !!! ALSO ALSO ALSO LAST ONE U'RE PHYSIO ????? or wait lemme stalk for a sec YES THAT AUNT SUSAN ITS U ANYWAY i just got hyped for a sec bc i'm studying physio and completely failing it i just had a quiz awhile ago and i got a six over twenty BUT I'LL LIVE and LAST ONE REALLY u r designing my tattoo too >:( ILY

tiktoks to waste your time (one) (two) (three) (four) (five)

THANK YOU FOR READING, HAVE A NICE DAY!

hi hi HIIII!

pleaseeee dont worry!! seriously its okay akdjsj like just the fact you take time to send these monthly lovely af asks.. you're literally the best 😭 ‼️

for real, just focus on getting better and staying as healthy as possible :((

YOU'RE STUDYING PHYSIO???!?!? AAHHH now i'm the one all hyped up akdjsk and yes YOU'LL LIVE! physio is harder than a lot of people think but you got this!! you can take me as an example: my grades weren't exactly great and i did my best, i seriously thought about quitting a couple of times but now here i am, graduated physio soon with a job, overall people like my work and i love what i do (most days but heh) so, you'll be fine in the end even if you struggle now!! AND AND you can always come to me!! i'll help you with anything you need <3<3 oops, sorry for the unrequired pep talk ajdhsj but yes, if you need any tips or guidelines or anything just let me know!

and heck yeah i'll design your tattoo too! 😤

ok but those tiktoks were NOT a waste of time... ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME BIAS YOUNGHOON THO?? bc its working.. if yunho didn't show up id be simping over the mullet dude 😃

ILY <3

[strxnged]

Asdfghjkl it's 2 am and I just had my most vivid haikyuu dream (even tho it's only my second) and i high key think it was because I was reading through ur asks lol. Okay so I'm starting to forget the details already but basically ushijima and tendou were fighting over being my boyfie (oop drama) and low-key came to a compromise where both are, so love triangle poly. Except those two keep tryna one up each other. Im out w tendou enjoying france and goofing around at like midnight, tendou leaves for a bit when we were at an abandoned fountain place in an abandoned but suprisingly well kept palace? and i see ushi? And im like hey wassup, why u making a bento (cute rice animals and all, aww). And ushis like, its for u, stop eating so much junk food. And then literally just takes me and goes to the airport and says were going to japan?? I just don't question it, maybe I like being spoiled okay. I apologize for leaving over text to tendou and he says its fine but ik hes sad like bestieee im actually so sorry so i keep talking to him on the plane. Like tendou and me and having the BEST text convos but I'm out w ushijima, so I feel bad and put my phone away cuz it's slightly awkward w ushi and I should try harder. And because my mans ushi is rolling in that dough, he took me to some high end hotel like wow, Vegas type (but I'm in a fila sweats and he's in a suit smh). It was revamped as a museum too?? Like a les mis maze exhibit, famous historical diamonds and guards. Oh and i saw an old and important looking lady wearing russian jewels and her young awkward looking assistant trailing behind that I'm p sure I've seen in my other dreams. Unfortunately the les mis exhibit was closed :(, so we went inside and there was an exhibit of like unwrapping cursed dolls and haunted stuff but I low-key got creeped out so ushi took me to the place where you can get hotpot!! I've never had hotpot and I had an enlightening conversation with a wholesome chef about what it was. In the split moment where I had to decide whether to stay for the delicious hot pot or leave w ushi since he had to go for something, I woke up. i was worried about leaving tendou the whole time I was w ushi tho, so ig my real life bias was showing through lmao, ushi and me felt v awkward tho lol. This dream was such a coincidence I literally read a ushiten poly fic yesterday.

LMAO OMG THAT'S GREAT i love how it was basically just a very convoluted museum date with ushijima but the man you really love is in another city :(

yes that's why i am against poly. cursed dolls/j

ok no that was really cute ike genuinely v wholesome i love that omg

tell me about a dream you had with characters

[secnghwa]

hi vivi ! how are you today ? how has your done gone :o i hope it went well ><

kuroo !!!! i used to have such bad brainrot for him 💀 he is also everything I want in a man. i have never heard of that anime :o i’ll have to check it out !! time zones 👁👁 and nooooo don’t be sorry about being late >:c take your own time and don’t feel pressured about answering my asks. ill be here waiting ^^ (GAD THAT SOUNDS KINDA CREEPY BUT I DONT MEAN IT LIKE THAT) BDKNFKF I feel honored ??? idk you just seem like a very fun person to talk to <3 i indeed have a injury ;-; my spine + hips decided to be mean and go out of alignment which means I get a lot of pain in my lower back/hip area when I swim JFKNFKF AND YES I GOT MY TACOS AND MY MOM GOT ME SUBWAY TOO SO DOUBLE WIN !!!

(also ps i have a very very very bad habit of accidentally forgetting to sign off on asks and it’s already showing 🤡)

- 🍁 anon

i felt that self destruction post- i was trying to export gifs from ps today and it just [insert computer aggressively fanning] genuinely had a thought my laptop would break on me LMAO

also alSO ALSO YOU STAN SEVENTEEN ???!?!?!? im like. a huge carat HDKFBKFNF <3 and i see you bias minghao <3 me too <3 (although I swear I ult woozi,,,, no im not lying to myself)

- 🍁 anon (it’s me. AGAIN)

hihi vivi how was your day today ? I hope it went well !! i just started making ateez gifs again after getting photoshop and it’s been making my laptop go brrrrrr- i hope the gifsets that you were talking about reaches 1k vvv soon >:) also also also the new hairstyles :o i also very much love yunhos new hairstyle !! sans hair reminds me a chick and that’s all I can think when I look at the new pics 💀 mingi’s blonde hairstyle makes him look so soft and I’m just HDJFNDKKFKF 🥺🤧☹️

- 🍁

fsjdkf I HATE TUMBLR I CANNOT BELIEVE IT DELETED EVERYTHING I HAD SIX PARAGRAPHS OF WORD VOMIT /???????? anyways i guess it's time to try again to remembver waht i said FJIWEOFJSDKLF fIRST OFF !!! are you going to / /already receiving therapy/physio for your injury bec I DO NOT WANT YOU TO BE HURT FOR LONG !!!!!!!! THAT IS NOT PLEASANT AT ALL HHHHhhhHHHH please please please take care of fyourself !!!!!

second i'm sorry sorry sorry for always taking literal days to respond IT'S JUST THESE DAYS I'VE BEEN TAKING A SUMMER COURSE AND IT'S REALLY TAKING A TOLL ON MEM HAHAHAHH i've seriously just been coming on, queueing posts, and leaving oopS but alas it is what it is LMAO

third yes i am such a big closet svt stan like i have so many svt gifblr moots but I'VE NEVER FELT THE URGE TO GIF FOR THEM SO IT STAYS IN THE CLOSEt ???? but i am such a loser for china line bec i'm part chinese and it just gets me every time they speak in chinese BEC THEY'RE SO FUNNY it can't even be translated into english with the same amount of funny . .,,,, does that make sense???? also psssstttttt woozi ult i seEEE YOUUUU ( i don't rmb if i've aksed you before but who's ur atz bias heheehee)

FOR TODAY !!!!! today has bveen very. very fun after work i got together with a few of my coworkers (who also happen to be my school friends and also my family friends who i've known for like 7 years) ALSO YOU MAKE ATEEZ GIFS ?????? please if you ever need help with giffing n whatever do not hesitate to reach out i will try my bestest with my limited knowledge to assist you or we cld work thru the issue together omg it can be a learning xperience for me too !!!!! (fun fact when i was making my recent san inception gifset my laptop almost crashed on me as in it. froze for like a solid minute and just came back I GOT SO SCARED I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO LOSE ALL OF MY COLOURING(

ALSO I AM LOWKEY PRAYING FOR THE FEW GIFS (like two gifsets i think) to FINALLY REACH 1K notes bec then it can be added to my 1k atz tag (which doesn't seem like a lot but i'm actually very proud of evbery single gifset in it MWAHHH) the gifs that r so . close (like 950 notes) are this one and this one HELLPPPPPPP

LASTLY THE ATEEZ HARISTYLES I CAN GO ON HOURS ABOUT IT !!!!!!!! it is truly an honour to be able to see yunho's streaky red hair ( fun fact 2 every single ateez era where a member has had pink/red hair = a hit and this is simply a fact . ) mingis hairstyle makes him look so smoochable in the kindest way i want to give him a hug and tell him he's doing amazing <3333333

PS I JUST WNATED TO THANK YOU FOR READING TYHRU ALL OF THIS WORD VOMIT WITHOUT GETTING BORED i am so sorry there are so many topic jumps but omg i get v excited talking to you <333 n i hope u feel the sam e!!!

[mooswords]

OKAY MOO, I’M CURRENTLY READING UR FIC “Home” AND I’M— THE END OF THE FIRST PART WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. “he always comes home” -> IT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CONTRAST TO THE BEGINNING!!! he gets lost in his OWN fields, and that’s saying something. however, despite that, the reader still being reassured (or as much as she can reassure herself) that he always comes home = he has the red string to BRING HIMSELF BACK TO THE READER = ALWAYS COMING HOME. I’M!!!! and i love the silly banter that opened the story. aLso HIS HESISTATION OVER TELLING THE READER THE JOB HE WAS ASSIGNED... BECAUSE HE WAS WORRIED ABT THE READER.... AKDKSKKSKS. the fact he didn’t accept the offer immediately DESPITE being so in love with the sea and waited for reader’s permission is such a SMALL thing, but when you describe his love for the sea as superior, that action shows he loves the reader even more and i just- SLKDKAKDKSK. i might be over-reading and i apologise if i do bUT DO COMMENT ON IT THANK U!! 🤩💜 - ava

u sent me these eons ago and i promise i wasnt ignoring you ive just been working like 10 hour days and i am Exhausted 😭😭 but all of these messages legitamately give me life, i am so incredibly grateful! <3 im so so glad you enjoyed this fic!! and you are NOT OVERREADING I LOVE TO SEE YOUR INSIGHTS!!!! it makes me fall back in love with the fic all over again! <3 

i am SO glad that him always coming home comes through! because it gets kinda dire in the middle of the fic so i wanted there to be that hope at the back of your mind that knew he always came home. but i wanted you to be stressed about it still so :) and silly banter is my favourite part of writing this guy, i had so much fun with it alskdf.

and ok i love u, you got everything i was trying to do there <33 like i was struggling to find the balance between her reluctance and supportiveness. thats a fun (and tricky) thing about established relationship fics i find... theres that depth of understanding that can make the interactions more interesting, but so much of it is unspoken. it was a good challenge! so its so GOOD to hear that it vibes right hehe

THE WAY KUROO PLAYS WITH THE STRING!!! THAT WAS SUCH A FOND MOMENT OMG AKDKSKDK. and it’s so interesting that it appeared before kuroo even left 👀👀👀

she already missed him 🥺🥺 i originally had him tug on her hair and then i went!!! wait!!!! we can do better than that!!!!!!!!

READER IS LOST WITHOUT KUROOO!!!! AKDKSKSK and i also love the little addition where despite it being a POUT, she holds it close to her heart. with the context of their banters + that little scene, it just shows me how much each appreciate every ounce of the other party which makes me SO SO SO SOFT AKDJSKDKSK. and then hitting me with the scene where reader is eating a meal alone??? a punch in the gut. when she realised she’s alone I TOO remembered that kuroo is gone and that softness established in the previous scene is sUCKED OUT—ASKDKSKSKSK. 

im just a little obsessed with the little things and gestures that make u fall in love with someone? like the specific way my friend twirls her pen while were in lectures, or how my dad has that one little smile when hes amused himself with his own joke... and for that to be a last lifeline for her to hold on to before he leaves :’))) I JUST LOVE EST RELATIONSHIP FICS OK?!

hehehe yes im sorry about that puch to the gut oops 😇 that was a scene i had super clear in my head before i started - the bright, bright string against the relative drab of the table and room.

i’m at the part where reader gets lost and let me tell u, the fact they have a WAY to communicate via string pulling alone is SO ENDEARING and just subtly hints they have been at this whole red string thing for AGES (or at least enough to form such an understanding). that’s ADORABLE and really strengthens the bonds they have together 

yessssssssssss as soon as i thought of this idea i knew it had to be an established relationship. i have it in my brain they have been married maybe 2-3 years?? i am such a sucker for unspoken understanding relationships :’)

“You push hurriedly through the crowd, ducking between market stalls and wagons. There’s no string to follow, but you don’t need it to find him today.” THIS SENTENCE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL in the context of the entire story. and what a perfect way to describe/show the reader that it’s THE DAY. MOO, you’re really serving such great kuroo x reader stories please continue AHHAHA

this entire fic was so self indulgent please dshlfkljadsb but im glad u like this line!! i tend to try visualise the scene like a movie first? and then write it, and this was also one of the first scenes that was super clear in my brain :D

402 DAYS!!!! I SEE WHAT U DID THERE 👀👀 also, is this is a little hint to how u had to wait until the end to see timeskip kuroo? HAHAHA that wld be adorable

WAIT YO THATS CLEVER? I DIDT EVEN- ava when i say that is a COMPLETE coincidence... i literally just picked a number that was longer than 365 days... breaking news i am a secret genius JKBDSCN

i also really liked the “in-between”: of reader’s life without kuroo. u can really see how integrated they are to each other’s lifestyle, and not only that, the scene where reader handles a twin’s birth (to me) strengthens how they’re reallllly soulmates. there is a low chance that kuroo knew reader was in a desperate situation, yet he pulled on the string at the time reader needed it. it’s just—telapathy but not really + soulmate system = SOULMATES. do i make sense? and i really love the details, like how we can trace back kuroo’s scar to a moment of reader’s life in the fic. putting it at the end sort of makes me reflect on their situations that happened simultaneously yet not really. it sort of fills me in with this,,, space. that the earth is so wide. i understand deeper what reader means by “oh he’s going to be gone for so long”. it’s just. wow. the earth is so big yk.

YES YOU MAKE TOTAL SENSE!!! it's such a lovey way of looking at it :') can they communicate and understand eachother like this cuz theyre soulmates? or just because they love each other and have learnt the other inside out?? hhnn this is why i love soulmate aus, theres so much to pull apart!!!

and ok yes on the topic of how big the earth is... im so glad u mentioned this, its my favourite part because (not to get like... super sappy or anything) i was writing this through the toughest stages of our second lockdown. our restrictions got to the point we werent allowed further than 5km from out homes, so writing about freedom and big spaces and exploration of far off places was such a nice escape for me :’) this fic has ended up very close to my heart. (plus i was reading @/w-yuren’s hq0819 series at the time so i had travel and adventure on the brain hehe) 

THE ENDING.... THE ENDING.... THE WAY KUROO ASKED READER TO KI** HIM—IT’S LIKE THE KUROO IN MY HEAD YESSSSS. Gosh, this line too “when he kisses you he tastes like the sea; like salt-spray and dry rations and freedom.” may i have a director’s cut abt it :3 AND AKDJSKSK. i really love how the string appeared even tho they were together (the scene before kuroo docked on the ship) and once again, they are together, but none of them are lost because they r together-together. do i make sense? am i overreading things??? again, i have to comment on the banter. it’s simply amazing. kuroo’s replies are so,, KUROO, and they are filled with such FONDNESS I’M SO AKDKSKSK.

IM SO GLAD HE VIBES THANK U I THINK THE FONDNESS IS MY BIAS SHOWING BUT SHHHHH ;P you have picked one of my favourite lines out heheh it was one that just flowed out and wasnt one i particularly had to think about which is always nice. but i think it is a combo of me trying to be fancy lol and me being a huge fan of fantasy-books-set-on-ships. think like explorers or pirates, some rag tag bunch who have to set off on some quest and come back with some of that wildness imbued in their very being... yeah this line was definitely born from me Yearning i think :P

ooo do you mean the wedding scene? that was me trying to hit the ‘feeling lost in a crowd’ idea. you know when youre surrounded by people and joy and laughter and you just feel very small and disconnected? that.

ALSO READER’S DYANAMICS WITH KARASUNO CHARACTERS IS ADORABLE AKDKSKSKK. the festival scene was such a breather and it was adorable to see her interact with those characters. it feels like a snapshot in her life i simply adore that :3

ahh yea! i wanted her to have a life, you know? shes not the type to mope around, like life goes on. that doesnt mean she doesnt miss him oof but theres a whole community around to support her too!! and im very fond of takeda in this scene :’) he takes care of his crows <3

I RAMBLED SO BAD BUT THANK U AGAIN LOVELY I CANT EXPLAIN HOW AMAZING THESE ARE TO RECIEVE <3  

[itsakpopalypse]

Johnny Seo NCT 127 Astrology : How He Loves

“Hi love!! Can I get a johnny: how he loves?? Thank youuuu💗💗💗💗 “-  @itsthequeenofhearts

“ Hello, it’s me again. So me and my bff both loved your astrology post about yuta and since he is my bias I was wondering if you could do an astrology post about her bias in nct127 as well ? Her bias is Johnny and I hope I’m not too pushy but SOMEONE in this household has to ask!😂😂 I LOVE your multi fandom blog and I hope I’m not too much of a bother! Thank you very much! 🌸💗🌺”- @marinemousemarie

“ Heey ~ Can you make a How x loves with NCT's Johnny?? I love your astrology posts ❤💎 “- @oshivana

A/N Thank you All for requesting ! I am so happy you have liked what I have done so far and I hope this lives up to your standards as well!! Thank you for your patience as well!!

So here, comes, Johnny!! 

That was bad I apologize no i don’t

HOW BOYFRIEND

We all know our chaotic and boyfriendy Johnny is an Aquarius

We all know Aquarian’s are basically just aliens VERY UNIQUE

We estimate his rising as Taurus , and we know his moon is Gemini

he has a 3,3,3 split of earth fire and air with only one water sign, 

 his chart leans mutable, but he has a decent amount of both fixed and cardinal.

This means he is a pretty easy going guy. None of his big three are particularly “strong” leader signs

Aquarian’s tend to march to their own beat, so he will likely have many opinions and want to talk about them

Aquarian’s have a lot of love and desire to change the world, so a part of him is going to want to be your hero

Lunar Gemini, while outgoing and fun loving, is also very emotionally tactful--- STILL A FLIRT THO

they don’t expose their true feelings and tend to be more analytical than they at first seem

because of this people think Gemini are being two faced, when generally they just want to keep a tight grip on their own feelings without interference

Taurus in rising suggests he is deliberate, practical and patient. 

I know he seems pretty silly a lot, but a good chunk of his chart is very practical and pragmatic. 

his venus is in Capricorn, which is misunderstood as a less feeling sign

in reality, Capricorns aren’t unfeeling, they just choose to express their love and affection very differently

honestly he isn’t going to be very EMOTIONALLY open but he WILL be very physically open

Leo Mars so even though the Capricorn venus is pretty resserved, he will have the drive to go for what he wants, as well as the confidence to follow through

In general, there are 3 things that are known for a few SPICY things that we will discuss in the SPICY section so .. keep that in mind I guess

Let’s put the puzzle that is JOHNNY SUH together 

SO with Aquarius in Mercury and Sun, he likes a debate

he likes to verbally spar and enjoys anyone who can keep up with him

this makes me think it will be more likely for his trope to be an almost enemies to lovers style

not real cut throat enemies, but like... you will constantly bicker at first if he likes you because he is vetting you only the strong will survive this

he WANTS you to push back just as hard

he LIKES to stir up your emotions

the more fired up you get the more fun it is for him

what a little SHIT

i think, if it TRULY bothered you he would lighten up, and if he thought you could keep up he would totally let up

because now 

now you’ve hooked him

heart eyes motherfucker

NOW comes the deeper conversations

remember all that save the world he has in him? 

he wants your opinions

he wants to have really deep conversations and examine all the sides 

His Gemini will be FLIRTING NOW

AIR SIGNS ISTG... a self own??

Will 10/10 try to make flirting as awkward and unique as possible

or will use the cheesiest lines ever used

Aquarians are like that girl who isn’t like other girls okaaaay  they have to be different

oops

Anyway once he feels like you are HOOKED on his awk ass charms

he will reel you IN

The sweet little gestures will begin

Capricorn Venus’ are very thoughtful they tend to show affection through gifts and help 

so if you’re working on something they will already be there to help

if you need something he knows before  you do

very attentive and very caring, just not as vocal as some other signs

that doesn’t mean you’ll NEVER get an I love you, it just means his love language likely revolves around making you feel taken care of!

The kind of boyfriend who sees you’re having a rough time at work so he picks you up in the parking lot one day and takes you to shopping and picks you out something nice to wear

then takes you to some great little place for dinner that is kinda quiet and the atmosphere is relaxed so he can just talk to you and make you feel treasured

likes physical affection and will reciprocate it !at first I thought he wouldn’t initiate it but actually with Gemini and Aquarius in those placements he actually might be hella touchy

holding hands touching your face while he smiles at you pulling your leg into his lap while you are relaxing together

rubbing soft circles on your back during hugs

i hurt my own feelings and he isn’t even my bias damn

the boyfriendiest tbh!!

SPICY OOOO    18+ BELOW

HE’S BEAUTIFUL wtf

Here’s where things get a big different

we all know he’s boyfriendy af

we all know he is KINKY af

but

He’s not the ULT DOM DADDY

IM SORRY IM SORRY DON’T SHOOT ME

let me explain first

Aquarius and Gemini are... probably the two least dom in the zodiac.

.both are ... REALLY open minded,have incredibly high sex drives

they want to explore their sexuality and yours but they all don’t mind taking a backseat to someone else

and his Venus in Capricorn.. Oh here is where it’s POSSIBLE

BUT his mars is Leo,for men, Mars can be JUST as important to one’s bedroom inclinations as their Venus is

so he might LEAN more in control but he may also be fine with the roles switching around

he honestly just wants to blow your mind

Leo mars is ALL about showing off

this means he got that PRAISE KINK

they LOVE sensuality in the bedroom

they have this DEEP desire to be the best you have ever had

try hards

so expect to be pampered

Capricorn Venus is ALL IN once they are all in

SO  all together

He is open minded and kinky

might be in to slightly more risky sex play

I could see role play being something he loves

sexy lingerie ABSOLUTELY

especially if HE PICKED IT

remember cap likes to show their love through gifts

the type of guy who you come home and he has a pile of boxes with a pretty bow and tells you he wants you to go put that on

and inside is all manner of vibrating panties and restraints and maybe a cute little crop he plans to use on you 

What I am saying is he may be just fine giving you control of the bedroom antics but in the end he wants to be the one you scream for

he wants to show you that no one could ever fuck you like him and no one could ever make you so happy

and if you’re into it...like... don’t bring up past loves or heaven help your ass and thighs, because you are in for a pretty severe punishment

ooooh is that a promise 👀👀👀??

 AHEM

The type of man who REALLY loves when you say his name or title in bed

Oh Daddy she likes to be so bad for you 

might be a little into nicknames that make him feel extra extra special

very into using his hands

a little squeeze around that necklace

light pressure to make you gasp his name in pleasure

pressing two from the other hand deep and intimate

likes looking you in the eye when you come

is absolutely the type who drags you back into his pelvis when you pass  him in the house,just grinding into you with a muffled promise of later

digs his fingertips in too hard when he hits it from the back

pretty purple reminders of a passionate night

He wants his baby all his, marked and messed up

and so so so satisfied

aftercare is thoughtful and gentle,talks you down and praises you 

won’t be cocky about it until the next day when you are walking a little... more tenderly than usual

has a comment all prepared tbh

will take the smack against his chest with a cheeky grin

he loves you so much he can’t stand it

WHEW honestly his was a little hard I am so glad I got it finished.thank you ALL for requesting and I hope you Love it!!

[jaebaebie]

SKZ as your high school boyfriend (part ii)

If it seems like I got a bit carried away, it’s because I DID get carried away (IM SORRY THEYRE BOTH MY BIAS/BIASWRECKER, I couldn’t help myself)

Hyunjin

ok so hyunjin would be P O P U L A R ,, no doubt

good looks + talented dancer,, everyone obviously fell for him the minute he stepped foot into school

everyone except for you,, ofcourse

you assumed him to be arrogant and narcissistic

because him having a nice personality would just be too good to be true (like come on,, no guy can be that perfect)

you were so sure you were right about him

WRONG

it took you a hit in the face to realise that,, LITERALLY a Volleyball to your face thrown by Hwang Hyun Jin himself

it was just a volleyball game between his class and yours,,

and you were simply judging your female classmates as they were squealing over Hyunjin who was right across the net

then suddenly a ball whacks your face

and you somehow wake up in the nurse’s office with a very handsome and very frantic guy beside you, grasping onto your hand

“Oh my— thank god! You’re not dead! I’m really sorry,, I really didn’t mean to hit you. I swear! I just— I didn’t even— I’m so sorry!”

His rambles went on and on, which DIDNT help with the throbbing pain in your head, so you shut him up, “Hyunjin, it’s okay. Now will you please just keep it down? I’m okay.”

that didn’t make him feel better, so he offered to drive you home, glancing at you from time to time, making sure you were okay

shyly smiling when you called him out

when you parted ways, you thought that that was the last time you’d ever have to speak to him

surprising you when you found him to be waiting for you right outside your class, leaning against the wall beside the door

he’d ask you if you were okay and apologise for the millionth time

it was kinda cute because he was an absolute softie and sweetheart,, nowhere near the selfish monster you assumed him to be

“How many times do I have to tell you it’s okay?”

“I don’t know. I still feel bad.”

and somehow these types of conversations diverged into many more as he walked you to your next class

and these conversations continued in the days that followed as he constantly appeared to ‘pick you up’ from class, making sure to help you carry your books if you were carrying any in your hands

And like , TADAH, like all the other girls, you had fallen for the one and only Hwang Hyun Jin… OOOOOPPS

you thought he acted this way with every girl, but like,,, he was crushing on you real hard sis and you never noticed

he’ll confess first out of frustration because you never took the hint,, even when he was making it VERYYY obvious

as a boyfriend, he’ll be the kind to pick you up every morning, honking from his car with his signature eye smile

he’ll have some kind of breakfast ready for you, knowing that you were NOT a morning person (worse than him tbh)

he’ll interlock his fingers with yours or have his arm slung around your shoulders as the two of you walk down the hallways

occasionally kissing the back of your hand/ temple when he feels you tense up from the jealous looks of the girls around you two

which is why during lunch breaks, the two of you choose to hang out on the rooftop where no one’s focused on you two

he’d listen to you talk about your day, smiling lovingly at you with his handsome face

sometimes, you’d get distracted and completely forget which part of your story you were in

because how can one function when someone looks at you like how Hyunjin does

“And then Changbin —….” your voice would trail off, falling for his eyes as he gave you an expectant look, waiting for you to continue

“Wait, where was I again?”

He’d laugh and his eyes would crinkle into little moons (you know how it is)

then he’d give you a short kiss, before helping you out “You were talking about Changbin.”

“Oh. Right!”

you’ll be the first he shows his new dance routines to

you two take LOTS of selfies together #reallycuteIGprofilewithreallycutephotosofyoutwo

he’ll be the kind of boyfriend who gets pouty when you don’t give him enough attention during your study dates,,

would start clinging onto you/playing with your hair/ hugging you from the back/ being all cuddly and cute until you finally give him attention

surprise back hugs when he sees you by your locker in between classes

all in all, he’s a very sweet and cuddly and touchy boyfriend

Jisung

let’s just say you and jisung were already bestfriends with very fun and loud personalities,, aka crackheads

so obviously you two were setting up a kind-of-harmless prank to pull on Felix involving a water bucket and a door

how were you supposed to know that your teacher had forgotten his water bottle in class?

so,, major oops when your little prank resulted in an extremely drenched, raging teacher who sent the both of you to detention

you had to clean and arrange your school’s library,, which you got bored of within the first 15 minutes, choosing to throw yourself into one of the bean bags Jisung was on

“so, now that Jinyoung has graduated, have you found a new guy to crush on yet?”

you rolled your eyes, throwing a pillow at his face because you were NOT gonna have this conversation with him AGAIN

one, because it was annoying and two, because you didn’t want to risk him finding out that HE was actually your crush

you went back to rearranging books, telling him that you wanted to finish the task fast and get home,, so he FINALLY helped you manage the other side of your bookshelf

not long after, you noticed him talking to ryujin

obv you eavesdropped on their conversation through the little gaps in the bookshelves (though you barely heard anything)

you rolled your eyes,, its hard to like Han Ji Sung

because the boy is so sweet and nice and friendly to everyone

it just makes you crazy because there was a tiny part of you that wanted him to be sweet and caring ONLY to you.

your little spy mission was interrupted by Minho, a friend from dance, who started a conversation with you

little did you know, it was now jisung’s turn to eavesdrop

“What were you guys talking about?” Jisung asks through the gap of the bookshelf, following you as you went along the aisle

“And why does it concern you?” You ask back.

“Because I’m your bestfriend.”

“Okay then. Tell me what you and Ryujin were talking about first, since I’m your bestfriend too.

“Ryujin and Minho are completely different. Tell me yours first.”

you scoffed, offended by his words, “You’re being unreasonable! Why are you acting like you’re twelve? Are you like jealous or something, Han Jisung?”

he got cut off by the librarian, shutting the two of you up

by the time you reached the end of the aisle, he was there too, allowing the two of you to directly glare at each other face to face

you crossed your arms, staring at the stack of books behind him and avoiding his glare

“Fine, I admit. I’m jealous.” He confesses, “Are you?”

Your eyes widened, your arms fell down to your sides as you slowly nodded, “Me too.”

Is jisung’s part too long? Yes. Am I gonna keep writing? YES.

so, I guess you can say that’s how the two of you indirectly confessed to each other

you guys have a really nice and envy-worthy relationship because your boyfriend’s your bestfriend after all

you’ll have LOTS of FUN,, having after school dates at a fair, karaoke club

you guys have the same group of friends, and the two of you would sit in the same table during your breaks

sometimes, you’d sit on his lap and his arms would just be around your waist, cuddling you with his chin rested on your shoulder

whining for you to feed him a bite of your food,, which you teased him about but absolutely loved

concerts in empty lecture theatres you sneak into,

he’d have the mic, you’ll be sitting in one of the chairs pretending to be an obedient student

he starts rapping or starts advertising a random vitamin bottle he found on the floor

your stomach would hurt so much laughing,, just WHOLESOME

study dates with him would probably turn into a party as you guys start screaming your lungs out to Frozen

sometimes, when he’s having anxiety, you’ll skip school to stay home with him, making sure he was okay and well fed.

[exhoe-imagines]

*cue nervous laughter cuz i bias all of exo* may I pretty please ask for Minseok/Xiumin? I've been missing him a lot lately

omg you can request all of exo, dw!! i just wasn’t sure which group you wanted, since we write for a lot 😅 but i’ll give you some extra soft minseok content too hehe

-

minseok - bro,, the snow boi JUMPED OUT. he wants to be in the snow at every chance, just saying. snowboarding? sign him up. skiing? he’s already on the top of the hill. snow angels? he’s already made 12. however, if you decide to join him, he will put you in 30000 warm layers and scold you for being reckless, before kissing your cold nose :3 in all honesty, he LOVE LOVE LOVES cuddling with you by the fire after being outside… he won’t admit it tho.. sorry.

luhan - now,, i KNOW this is an old joke, however, luhan still uses the deer as his icon so im allowed to capitalize on this. he’s got a pair of reindeer ears he wears everywHERE and there is NOTHING you can do about it. they have little bells on them and sometimes you wake up at 3 am bc he’s shuffling around in bed and they’re jingling and you’re DETERMINED to make him sleep on the couch the next night :))

yifan - ok we all know that ONE friend who eats all the winter snacks they can get their hands on, right? well, that’s yifan. he’s got a cookie plate for himself and he snacks little treats all day every day. maybe he’s got some spiked eggnog, too. just prepare for him to be on a sugar high (and maybe a little tipsy) at all times. also, you WILL have to rub his little tummy after he downs a dozen cookies in a row. oops.

junmyeon - ok baby myeon is THE house decorater. i’m sorry. but please be ready to help out. “honey, can you pass me the hammer?” “junmyeon, do we really need lights above our bed?” “of course.” unlike zitao, he refuses to have silver/minimalist decorations, so prepare for your whole house to become a whole ass cabin. the middle-aged pinterest mom jumped out.

yixing - i feel like he’s the Winter Traveler. “it’s too cold!!” he complains, before dragging you on a pre-planned trip that he tries to make seem impulsive. like, yeah sure, you just HAPPENED to have a hotel in our name, in a warm country, with all accommodations already sorted out. sure. but honestly, you see what he’s got planned, and where you’re going – and you’re not complaining. who would be?

baekhyun - ok,,, baekhyun is the music boy. he’s got the holiday songs playing in SEPTEMBER. he’s got twelve different winter playlists. some are uplifting romances and the others are ballad breakup songs. he’s always dancing or he’s sobbing over this sad song, and when you try to skip it, he throws a tissue at you and screams to not touch his speaker. good luck.

jongdae - “i really think it’s time i get my life together.” new years resolution? screw that. jongdae is starting EARLY. he’s got a new skincare routine. he’s ONLY drinking water. he’s even sleeping earlier!! and then you wake up one night to go to the bathroom and he’s not in bed. you find him in the living room with a glass of wine, surrounded by 7 empty boxes of pocky. “oHPE- IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.”

chanyeol - GINGERBREAD HOUSE KING. ok.. listen.. he’s NOT good at them. AT ALL. the walls fall every second, and the ceiling is definitely caving in. there’s icing in his hair and on his nose, but he’s GRINNING and making tiny gingerbread cookies of both of you. “babe, look what i made!” “c-channie is that a deadpool cookie?!!?!”

kyungsoo - LET ME JUST S A Y. YOU WILL BE EATING GOOD. COOK!KYUNGSOO DID NO T COME TO PLAY. PREPARE FOR GOURMET DISHES ALL SEASON. HE’S TALKING TO HIMSELF LIKE HE’S ON FOOD NETWORK. HE’S GARNISIHING THE PLATES WITH SOME GREENS. also you do actually watch cooking shows, and he wont stfu. “yah, why are they using the ice cream machine with 7 MINUTES LEFT!?”

zitao - god ALMIGHTY if this boy spends a lot during the rest of the year – you better literally put his credit card in the FREEZER when winter/holidays roll around. “zitao is that a new gold and diamond watch?!” “babe it’s ok i got you one too!!” “that is NOT why i’m angry.” also he loves a good white christmas, so enjoy all the silver glittery decorations that will take ages to clean up :))

jongin - ok we all know about spring cleaning, but let jongin introduce you to a new concept – the winter clean. this basically means, he’s suddenly becomes sick of the entire house and decides it needs a revamp!! your eyes will melt out of your head when you see the bills coming in from the mall, and he just whines. “babe, my clothes were OLD. i needed a new Winter Look :).” “jongin you’ve done this TWICE in one WEEK.”

sehun - ok so we know he dresses up as santa for kids but honestly that’s his outfit for all of winter. he’s got santa pjs and a santa hat at the ready at all times. he’s got santa slippers for around the house. santa face masks. santa socks. literally everything. even vivi has a santa suit. if you’re his s/o, prepare to be matching him bc he’s gonna buy u a set of pjs too ;)

-

- admin ruby

🌙 SLEEPOVER SATURDAY🌙

[im-just-trying-to-survive-man]

ok so i feel like telling the world my bias list (kpop) for no reason and i was a little scared to but oh well lol

im gonna do this in parts. this list is my bias’ in boygroups pt.1

soo yeah if you wanna see some beautiful asian men you can keep reading lol

kinda turned out long oop

imma do nct on another post bc thats fucking loonngggg

1. kim hongjoong; stage name: hongjoong (leader of ateez, rapper, lyricist, producer and composer (i forget if those are the same thing) )

king of the lesbians

personally i think hes SOME type of gay but, y’know, you do you baby (’good lil boy’ is the song he wrote on their new album akjsdl)

prince of mullets in kpop (king is minghao from seventeen)

so?? pretty???

he paints his nails for the polished man campaign!!! (this was before the group became ambassadors.) v socially aware as well

his voice is very high for a rapper but i rly love it

wanna hear what he thinks of atinys?? (the fandom) listen to ‘aurora’

korean big minion 

very very good at english, despite what he says

is so caring for his ‘children’ ugh such an amazing leader

also a little brat sometimes but we dont talk about it

a MAN

fuck gender roles

5′7 skirt guy you’ve probably heard of in the kpop tiktok community

the official campaign pic:

2. han jisung; stage name: han (main rapper of stray kids, lead vocalist, producer and composer, lyricist, ult bias uwu)

heres the tea

this man literally saved my life

he has been through so much and i relate to that. seeing that he made it through the worst gave me hope.

his music and lyrics just speak to me (wanna see me cry? send me the song ‘19′, its written by him)

on to the happier things

his s q u i r r e l   c h e e k s

hes honestly so pleasing to look at ugh

vocals????? fricking great???? listen to ‘hellevator’ and ‘district 9′ for his vocals

jEoGiYa NoOnA HoKsI nAmJaChInGu IsSeOyO (’wow’ 3RACHA)

part of 3RACHA, a rap group between him and two other members

his american name is peter and he loves nat geo wild and cheesecakes and honestly if thats not amazing idk what is

lived in malaysia??? for 6 years???? lovin the melanin y’all

THE FUNNIIEST MAN ALIVE Y’ALL WAIT PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO IDK WHY BUT ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

3. im changkyun; stage name: I.M. (lead rapper of monsta x, sub-vocalist, maknae (the youngest), producer and composer)

fam im WHIPPED for this man like honestly i dont like subbing or sex in general lol ace things but i’d let him r a i l me

lived in america for 3 years and israel for 4; speaks fluent english and its SEXY

rapping skills??? on point???? both in english and korean ugh

LOOK AT HIM HIS DIMPLES AND HIS FACE AND UGH

is one of those people that does n o t like to be touched but then he’ll kiss your cheek out of nowhere

babie

VERY SOCIALLY AWARE LIKE HE SAID FUCK TOXIC MASCULINITY AND MISOGYNY 

confident in his own skin and super open about it

“For IM, ‘Wearing a harness is just to express our song concept. Showing the audience what we want to show is the most important thing. We’re not ashamed. We’ve done a lot of sexual items, like harnesses and chains. We’re comfortable.’ “ 

“But, for argument’s sake, where does your own sense of masculinity come from? IM pauses for a long moment. ‘Having a dick,’ he says bluntly, sipping coffee as his bandmates’ jaws drop and shocked laughter ripples around the table.”

that interview is here 

kinky lil bitch

i can go on and on about this man but im just gonna stop there

i lied he has tattoos (one on his wrist [ :): ] and the one on the nape of his neck, it reads “the one who wants to wear the crown must bear the crown”)

i like this picture bc its his hands and theyre pretty and fuck gender roles from a kpop idol

thats enough of him 

4. kim wonpil; stage name: wonpil (pianist, synthesizer, and keyboardist in day6, lyricist, vocalist, also a a dj and mc for a podcast)

Y’ALL LOOK AT HIM UGH

was the maknae but then dowoon came along and now hes not lol

Unbothered™

honestly like hes such a good pianist and is really great on the keys

is really good at making song lyrics out of thin air

like, he can hear the sentence “i really want chicken rn but i can’t have it im on a diet” and he’ll get “i crave your taste, but there is a wall i built myself blocking you from my love” like literally

im pretty sure he wrote the chorus for their song ‘zombie’

honestly bruh his vocals are so good

like pls go listen to ‘emergency’ and ‘congratulations’ (theres an english version for that song alsjdk)

guys hes just a big babie honestly

so pretty to look at omg

HES SO FUNNY AND HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT 

“i dont really care what my spouse looks like or what gender they are, as long as we’re happy and they love me” (wish i could find that photoset)

5. kim namjoon: stage name: RM (leader of bts, main rapper, sub-vocalist, lyricist, producer and composer)

literally the reason im into kpop, so thank you namjoon

a 5′11 babie, tbh

i remember finding out he had his own like, mixtape (’mono.’) and iT WAS SO GOOD AND IT STILL IS KAJHDJ

an amazing rapper and leader

can sing and i do not CARE what anyone says

so as you can see by now i kinda of have a type (except wonpil, idk wtf is going on there with me biasing him laksjk #no regrets)

anyway yeah he was the first kpop boy i found, and it was on his birthday

so every year on september 11th 11:50 p.m., i start i planting a tree in my backyard (bc then its on his birthday in america and korea lakajs so quirky i know) also bc its the day i started listening to kpop so its an anniversary for me lol. 

mOoNcHiLd

very very psychological

also very inspiring and loving (to the fans)

doesn’t really show affection, hes better with words than actions, and i really relate to that

dimples aGAIN

and last but not least for this list bc its already so frickin long

6. byun baekhyun; stage name: baekhyun (main dancer of exo, main singer, sub rapper, pianist, actor)

he’s so talented???? and amazing???? and overall just kinda perfect??????

AMAZING FUCKING VOCALS LIKE Y’ALL GO GO GO GO GOGOOG OG LISTEN TO HIS GROUPS SONG ‘ONE (MONSTER AND INFINITY)′ BECAUSE THAT SHIT SLAPS UGH

AND LIKE GROWL??? BRO????? MY VOCAL CORDS SNAPPED

dated another idol in the past but personally i think he’s a little *hand goes limp* if you know what i mean

my sister (4) calls him bacon he said it in an interview one time and it stuck to her

chesticles

MONSTER ERA UGH GOT ME DEAADDDD

is a solo artist too!!!!!!! go listen to his albums!!!! theyre really good!!!!

hes so frickin funny omg like i can laugh at with him all day

understands english but refuses to speak it

honestly kokobop baek was amazing idc what anyone says

is in like 3 different groups damn (like two of them are sub-units of his group and the other one is superm lol)

pls go watch the ‘men on a mission’ episodes with exo bc hes so fucking hilarious i will never get over it

a clown ass bitch that is always ready to square tf up a caring and v nice person that wont fight anyone ever

AN AMAZING ACTOR OMMGGGG BABIE GOT SKILLS

can also tapdance

lots of video games

very very very very very loud when playing video games

another man i endlessly love

well. if you made it this far, congrats!!! and thanks!!! i honestly dont care if no one sees this lol i just kinda wanted to do it, so, yeah lol. theres still more groups (superm, nct (seperate post), seventeen, vixx, pentagon, the rose, annnd oneus)then like idk if i’ll do a soloist one, so yeah. this kinda gives me something to do its one big infodump and im sorry lmao. yeah, love y’all !!!

[cheryllcher]

season finale analysis?? (reaction?? idk)

sooo miracle queen aired so i watched them together. if u haven't watched it yet u can scroll your way out of here to the next post cuz mobile ain't letting me add the cut anytime soon :))

---

loveater/ heart hunter (apparently that's the english name) this is in no particular order im just throwimg my thoughts here

well honestly im confused. like audrey and andre were not getting along amd suddenly they are all lovey dovey again after akumatisation?? cool. i guess the akuma makes sense but overall not really that amazing and kinda pointless to me besides tryna use that to get chloe on her side and master fu's location

awww i think the friendship between adrien, mari and kagami is pure. and marinette didn't stutter!! im proud of my girl!! this is the kind of content i really love to see and it makes me happy when the writers do that :)

umm andre's flavour combis are a little weird tho like orange and peppermint?? no offence i wouldn't eat that together

also mari looks so pretty with her hair down and the way she helped her friends escape. and ended up breaking her own heart to help kagami

and if im being honest, not just cuz im bias to the love square but the relationship between adrien and kagami is weird for me cuz all season i haven't seen that development?? adrien was so hung up on ladybug (which he should have stopped confessing since in glaciator he said her friendship was all that matters but okay) and suddenly kagami?? sorry but i just cant with it unless there's something in felix and chat blanc but i doubt it

luka was cool tho, like he was just being there for mari and all patient while mari had a breakdown.

hawky's plan was actually not bad tho if im being honest here. and chloe should have already learnt about not getting bee back in miraculer right?? sorry i cant rmb rn if she did

overall other than the initial sadness cuz of the lovesquare before watching. now that i've did, it just doesnt reallly... feel like a finale to me. just trying to push some relationships and kinda unlearnt lessons that should be learnt before this. also random 'subplot' of audrey and andre that just resolved out of nowhere. but im happy to finally see marinette being human and go through emotional breakdowns from stress and all her responsibilities.

---

miracle queen. right i couldnt find subs unfortunately so im going in based on visuals and sucky youtube captions (which only worked for a few lines) once more not in order

akuma was basically queen wasp but the victims are mind controlled instead of frozen. not fantastic honestly in my opinion. also looks almost exactly like queen wasp

so identities are comprimised which cause problems. i actually think this is okay and i hope to see how mari deals with this

i really love that ladynoir moment cuz it shows how much they care for and trust each other. all love aside. it means that there is development and hopefully they grow to love each other completely, both sides of mask and all

also pegasus did u just send cat noir to the flipping sun?? kim's special power was actually pretty funny. pretty cool to see dragonbug and snake noir ngl

again i love how they show marinette having meltdowns from the stress. she can feel negative emotions!!

chloe going after the akuma willingly just showed how she just wanted to be a superhero and get apporval and all. wanna see how that plays out maybe

not sure what happened with fu as couldnt understand but i think he forgot miraculouses existed or something?? and he reuntied with marianne!!

the ending was sorta bittersweet. and idk if it's just me but i feel like mari's eyes looked kinda weird. maybe it was the eyebags?? idk but im cool with it

side note i called it when i thought that something would happen during that supposed adrigami kiss. but not the point hehe oops. also pretty upset that she chose adrien over friendship even after all the things mari's done for her. my opinion tho u are welcome to disagree if u want

overall it's a meh. some good moments but meh.

---

as i've said earlier i feel like this isnt a finale. the staff said we'll cry but other than the initial disappointment before i jumped in that the love square is crushed and that our 2 idiots are still big idiots, not really the emotional episode i was hyping for.

i also feel like it's sorta all over the place. like they're tryna push for 2 relationships that i didnt really see developing.

in adrigami i see kagami constantly pushing for a choice. like yea i was like ooooh she just said that when she said adrien's indecisiveness hurt her (based on the minimal subtitles youtube caught), but to me i feel like she's not giving adrien the time to sort out his feelings and was just hounding on him when she got the chance. i feel like it isn't going to work (my love square shipping heart thrown out the window at this point so not biasness but from perspective)

lukanette tho. luka is as for now, flawless. he's patient kind and at first i thought how being with him is pretty healthy. but now it's just... "perfect". and that's not really gonna end well?? not really sure if there would even be a start. maybe be a brother figure but not conviced as love interest. also again out of nowhere.

im actually excited at the prospect of a platonic lovesquare but u cant just throw all these soft looks from adrien towards marinette (finale has some too) and expect me to believe that nothing's happening. he should at least be denying some feelings right?? he cant possibly only have 1 brain cell his whole life that doesnt think about it. like it would make more sense (to me) to develop adrien's relationship with mari, platonic or not.

chloe-- cant really see her getting her redemption arc soon. she needs to really be faced with the reality for her actions and learn that superheroes isnt all action and attention and glory and that ladybug is looking out for her by not giving her the miraculous anymore. not keep insisting and turning to the dark side for superpowers.

i also dont really see the point of the love rivals?? i rather they take care of themselves and grow and mature without love being in it. i think it would be a good lesson to learn. to take the time to care about yourself and learn wut is best for u and learn about yourself before plunging into a relationship with all these things. the love rivals make everything crazier and doesnt help the situation. just makes the already complicated love square more complicated, then chucking it to the side for now. doesnt make sense to me even tho im sure they'll grow to be better versions of themselves cuz it's so out of the blue to me @gale-of-the-nomads mentioned it in his review and when i read it i really feel like he took the words out of my mind and put it into words. but i still respect the writer's work and will anticipate the next season to see their story play out :)

so... yea ://

[wickymicky]

all the questions in @ohsua‘s ask thing! this was really hard and i put more effort into some questions than others, but it was fun! putting it under a Read More cause it got reaaaaally long

What's your favourite title track?

piri! probably anyway. possibly what?

Sleep-walking or Silent Night?

sleepwalking personally, though i like both

Favourite teaser image for The Tree Of Language so far?

uhhhhhhh hmmm. im not sure, maybe dami? or siyeon? from the first round?

Favourite choreography? If you can, explain why

i dont really have an easy answer cause i’d have to watch them all again but the first one that comes to mind is piri. i cant really explain why though lol, i just think its cool to watch

Favourite cover?

tbh i havent heard a lot of their covers, oops

Favourite album?

hmmmmmmm. maybe prequel? or raid of dream? prequel has wake up and sleepwalking though... hmm

Who's your bias?

it was dami forever, and then now it’s jiu, though dami might be bias wrecking me lmao. bias unwrecking? rebiasing?

What's your favourite mv?

oh hmmmm... you know i love piri but honestly that music video is not one of my favorites. i think i’m leaning towards you and i or good night here. i love the scene where the ghost hunter dude’s room is exploding cause i guess the members are messing with shit on the other side of the mirror or whatever, but there’s just a shot of the dude and it’s slowly zooming out as stacks of paper and books and stuff go flying, it’s great. digipedi always makes fantastic videos

What concept would you like to see?

i have so many answers to this that idk if i can choose lol. anything lol, anything. they could do anything. i dont want them to lose the spirit of their concept and sound, but there are infinite directions they could take their concept without losing that spirit. 

Mayday or Wake Up?

wake up dude are you kidding me? i also just um... dont really remember mayday. i’ve heard it but i dont remember right now... wake up is great though

Deja Vu or Piri?

piri! i love deja vu though. piri was the song that got me into them and deja vu was my first comeback with them, so i have an attachment to both, but i would have to say piri, yeah

Who's your favourite vocalist? Rank the members from favourite to least favourite

oh shit really? uhh idk if i can do that but... i mean i gotta say siyeon right? her voice *is* dreamcatcher to me. her voice defines their sound more than anything else, even more than their rock concept. like for real, her voice is more integral to the feel of a dreamcatcher song than the guitars or sort of dark vibe. well, her voice brings the dark vibe a lot of the time, honestly. after that i’d say jiu cause her voice is the total opposite, she has the voice you would least associate with a concept like this, but that serves to add a lot of range to their sound too. her voice is so vividly bright and cheerful... so, dreamcatcher’s dark concepts are defined by siyeon for me, and dreamcatcher’s lively personality and energy onstage and offstage are defined by jiu for me. those first lines of “wake up”? iconic, full of energy, aaaaaa i love her. after that i guess i’d say yoohyeon cause she’s the lead vocalist lol. and then... about the same for the rest. i dont have an order from then on. they’re one of the groups where i think it’s the easiest to tell which member is singing just from audio alone, all seven of them have distinct vocal characters. the only two that i sometimes mix up (again, just based on audio only) are sua and gahyeon. or dami when she sings lol

Did you get to see them live? If yes what's your favourite memory & is there a song you enjoyed on the concert way more than you expected?

noooo i didnt get to :( if they ever come back around though i will move heaven and earth to get there

Dreamcatcher Notes or Vlogs

i tend to watch dreamcatcher notes more because there’s more going on a lot of the time, cause they’re like behind the scenes stuff. also.... there are some members whose vlogs im more likely to watch right away than others lol... though im working my way through all of them little by little so i’ll see all of them eventually. if jiu posts a vlog it’s immediate haha i’m on it immediately

What’s your favourite era of each member?

oh wow okay this is a hard one... here goes!

jiu - already we’ve hit a really difficult one lmao. does blue/purple Jiu count since it was technically post-deja vu? i guess purple is now gonna be immortalized in their new comeback huh? i think actually i’ll say fly high. i think that’s the obvious choice but... idk, she doesnt have a bad era lol

sua - hmmm.... im having trouble remembering which eras were which for certain members... i know she had reddish purplish hair for piri right? i cant remember some of them though... like she didnt have as many drastically different looks as someone like siyeon or dami. maybe i’ll say good night though, purely because of her rap haha. EDIT: oh shit i looked at photos from the eras after all, and oh my god i forgot about you and i... nevermind lol scratch that, it’s you and i. those designs she had in her hair were super cool

siyeon - deja vu, specifically the part where she had short blue hair. amazing. flawless. legendary. stories will be told of those days

handong - her ‘what’ era is probably her most popular, but actually im gonna say deja vu. i liked her short blonde hair, it looks really good on her. the first thing that came to mind is her with that hair and those purple/black deja vu outfits... im thinking of some photos from some fansigns... yeah. 

yoohyeon - deja vu again lol, sorry about the recency bias haha. this is the era she viciously and savagely bias wrecked me. especially during those fanmeetings where she had a ponytail and was wearing a suit... oh my god lol she knew exactly what she was doing. they all know exactly how good they look in suits and they subject us to it as often as they can lol. her grey hair during you and i is iconic too, and the red she had during good night... but i think im gonna stick with my answer

dami - piri!!!!!!! oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my god??? oh my god!!!! especially post-piri with her black hair??? fucuuucuckckckckckkckkkkkk dude she’s so handsome i could CRY. this current era we’re about to get is looking like a gamechanger too though... her hair’s kinda wavy and that look on her face in that first teaser... and her floral shirt... damn dude. honorable mention to you and i cause of the baton trick she’s famous for lol

gahyeon - now with gahyeon its actually pretty hard for me to say, she has had the same or similar hair in every comeback pretty much, right? hmmm. the things that immediately come to mind are good night and piri and i’m not sure why. actually i might be thinking of chase me? OH NEVERMIND okay i caved and i looked at photos from different eras and i forgot that she had green in her hair during fly high, okay yeah nevermind lol it’s fly high

What do you hope to see on their albums in the future?

what do you mean? like in terms of types of songs? uhhh.. idk.. most of the stuff i would say to this is stuff that i have no doubt will actually come. i want more bangers like piri and what, i want more edm stuff like sleepwalking and silent night, but yeah i’m sure we’ll get that. i guess what i’ll say is... more songs with involvement from the members. either in terms of composition or even just lyrics. though i like the composers and lyricists they have a lot! i’ll also say if nothing else, then a song choreographed at least in part by the members would be amazing. idk if it’ll happen for a title track, but if sua choreographs one of their edm bsides or something, and they perform it live on music shows, fuck...

What would you say to each member if you didn't have to worry about a time limit?

each member individually??? that’s too time consuming woirjgeoiwrgew but i do have individual answers for all of them probably lol. especially yoohyeon, i wanna talk to her about languages. i’ll just say to all of them how much i appreciate them and how they arent boxed in by typical idol conventions, but they also arent boxed in as outside them either. like, they’re not an anti-kpop-group, they’re not the complete antithesis, they like being a kpop group and they like other kpop groups so they would never want to be that. i like how much fun they have, i like how close they are, i like how they treat their fans, i think if the fandom did something really awful or went too far i like to think they would feel comfortable letting us know. hopefully, anyway. more than most other kpop groups i’m aware of, it’s easy to find them in videos and vlives and stuff not being totally in idol-mode and just being people, and friends with their members. im not criticizing other groups, cause if i was in their position, i think i would have a hard time not being “on” when on camera, even if it’s just a vlive. maybe it’s because they’ve known each other for a lot longer than a lot of other current-gen groups, and they’re older than many of their current-gen peers too. they feel very earnest, they’re not trying to hide. im sure there are aspects to them that we dont know about and will never know about, and i hope that’s the case cause i hope they’re able to maintain some privacy in this job, but it’s not hard to tell when someone is being genuine and when someone isn’t, and i get a very genuine vibe from them a lot of the time. i’m glad they are who they are, they’re really influential and inspirational to me.  i.... also might wanna mention their support for lgbt people, though i would want to talk to them about that in private because it’s personal for me and risky for them and i know how shitty that situation is, especially since i know that they care and would be a lot more vocal if they could be. and they’re one of the most vocal groups about it already! i just want to thank them.

Is there a song you think is underappreciated?

hmmm. i’m not really sure which are and which arent, i actually think insomnias do a good job appreciating everything haha. 

Rank Breaking Out, You and I, Fly High, What and Deja Vu from favourite to least favourite

oof okay, i guess this is the Controversial Opinion Time huh?

What (i guess this is a controversial song? is it? it’s one of my favorites, number 1 or number 2, so idk lol)

Fly High

Deja Vu

You and I

Breaking Out

Let's say you are forced to choose a title track that gets erased from existence so that the rest can stay, which one do you pick? i'm sorry

does this count jp ones? cause.... im not into breaking out... sorry... i think i would say.... idk.... my least favorite main title track was still a big moment for them and had great moments in the choreo.... i dont know if i would want to erase it fully.... iojdoikoldofbm i feel like the one you could erase the easiest, and that wouldnt change their history all that much, would be What... but i love What... lmao idk... at one point i would have said Fly High but it grew on me a lot and i think it was necessary for them at that point. i also love it for the lore haha. so im sorry i dont have an answer.... unless breaking out counts oijwefmgodlr,rfl;kfd

Full Moon or Over The Sky?

i only got into both songs fairly recently, for whatever reason i hadnt heard full moon for a long time, and when the over the sky special clip came out i decided that i didnt like the song at all but i just listened to it not that long ago and was surprised at how much i liked it, so actually i dont hate either song lol. still, i’ll say full moon

Choose between their Taemin covers: Move or Sayonara Hitori

oh uh i havent heard/watched these ioerokgopdrgkdh. i hadnt even heard Move until like two weeks ago. oops. i guess i should watch their cover huh? tbh i didnt even know they did that lol im bad at this

Who do you wish they could collab with?

lol i would love to say loona because theyre my other ult but actually im gonna say ateez. they have so much in common! they have the same producers for all their title tracks, theyre both very choreo-focused, they both are very concept-heavy... i would love some sort of crossover thing. imagine a 15 member crossover EP or something... the pirates meeting the nightmares... or whatever each of their new concepts are gonna be... damn. again this would go over extremely well musically too, cause Ollounder could just try to combine his styles for his two groups lol

Who first caught your eyes and why?

dami obviously, i’m only human

Trap or Diamond?

diamond i guess, i dont really listen to either of these that often

Pick 3 members for your zombie apocalypse squad

sua cause she could beat people up, siyeon cause she could beat people up, yoohyeon cause she’s a clumsy mess and we would need a challenge

Blonde Siyeon or Blue haired Siyeon

blue!!!! but only by a bit

Favourite dancer?

theyre all so good, they all could be the main dancer for any other group. sua is considered their main dancer, but idk, any of them could be. maybe i’ll say jiu?

If the next album features lyrics by one (or more) of the members, who do you hope it is this time?

only one??? can i say all of them?

Do you hope for more vocalist Dami or would you rather see her rap?

both! idk lol. i want to see more rapping from sua and possibly siyeon too, so more vocalist dami could allow for that? but rapper dami is obviously more iconic

Sua's choreography for Copycat or Taki Taki?

taki taki i guess?

Favourite lyrics?

hmmmm..... i’d have to look deeply into this and i dont feel like doing that right now... i’ll just say that “pirireul bureora” is so catchy so in terms of catchiness of the lyric i’ll say that lol. i know that’s not what this question was asking though, i just dont have an answer

Are there any songs you hope one or more of the members cover?

oh wow uh... hmm. shine by pentagon lol

Favourite intro?

end of nightmare maybe? i like that it has the piri melody in it, and i like how the edm part melts your fucking face off. is that the most abrasive moment of any dc song? maybe?

Version E, V, I or L of The Tree Of Language?

oh idk, i dont really have a preference, sorry

Wonderland or And there was no one left?

er9iokgbiktwikpbherohtbkret i actually listen to these all the time and my answer goes back and forth. i’m gonna say wonderland right now

Favourite instrumental?

sleepwalking?

Vocalist Jiu or dancer Jiu?

haha idk, both? i mean i mostly listen to music and watch music videos, i dont watch as many performances, so i guess i’ll say vocalist?

Do you have a favourite ballad?

uhhhhh not really, im sorry

What are your 5 favourite pictures of your bias?

ah fuck, this question would be easy to do if i was answering this just based on someone sending them in... um... i’ll just reblog five real good ones in a row after this post... sorry lol....

What was the first song you heard?

piri! it came out a bit before i got into kpop, so it was still fairly new at the time anyway

How did you find out about them?

to be honest i dont even remember. did i just click on a thumbnail for piri that was in the related videos to some other kpop song? i dont remember... i might have heard that there was a rock based kpop group even before listening to it? i forget but i didnt like it at first lol. i thought it clashed really badly and it didnt appeal to my metal sensibilities. some parts stuck in my head though and i kept coming back and it was a guilty pleasure at first and then oops i fell in love and then oops it appeals to every sensibility i have now lol. though mostly i still like them more for their pop aspects than their rock/metal aspects. but anyway still, i dont remember how i first heard about them, i just remember the first time i listened to piri

What do you think about Handong being on Idol Producer and missing all of their activities? Do you think it's worth it?

sigh.... i mean, time will tell, right? i hope she does well enough that it gets them a lot of exposure, but... selfishly, i guess... i hope she doesnt become part of the final group because i want to see her back in dreamcatcher lol. we’ll see, and hopefully this is a good experience for her! i know things are weird right now cause of the virus outbreak... i havent been following the news but is it postponed or something? i think i heard that somewhere? or maybe i just saw speculation, idk

Vocalist Gahyeon or rapper Gahyeon?

either! she has a lot of potential with both

Yoohyeon's cover of Secret Love Song or 2002?

um.... okay..... this is me again being a bad insomnia, i dont think ive watched either of those iokgopprlgwephk

The no budget July 7th mv or the Curse of the Spider mv from the fanmeeting?

i havent seen the curse of the spider one woah, i didnt know that existed! and is the no budget july 7th mv different than the special clip one? i dont really like that song much so i wouldnt know geijrgpokprgwoephk

Chase Me or Good Night?

good night till the day i die lol. chase me is a phenomenal debut though and works better for that purpose than good night, and i love that the lyrics are about all the ways they haunt your dreams, but i love good night so much

Favourite Siyeon cover?

im not super knowledgeable again here im sorry :( is it cheating if i say overdose, mostly just by default?

Handong's pre chorus in Deja Vu or the bridge in Piri?

piri lol

What's your favourite bside from each album?

oh fuck okay hold on

uhhh i dont have one for Nightmare, it was just chase me, an intro, and one other song. is it cheating if i say the intro lol

same for Fall Asleep in the Mirror, i guess the intro

Prequel okay now we’re getting somewhere.... Wake Up or Sleepwalking.... fuck.... Sleepwalking is actually probably the song that really converted me into a fan cause its the first time i really heard their range. after listening to Piri and You and I and maybe Chase Me, i decided to just watch all their music videos in order, and the playlist i used included the special clip mvs too, so hearing Sleepwalking for the first time right after Fly High was wild, it blew me away and i listened to it like 8 times in a row haha. Wake Up has been rising up my rankings a ton recently but i think i still have to go with Sleepwalking

Escape the ERA.. hmm... Mayday? earlier i said ive only heard this song a bit and that’s true, i’m listening to it right now though. wow i dont remember this song at all haha, this is good what the fuck, how did i forget this? oops what the hell

Alone in the City FUCK this intro is so GOOD god DAMN. its short, it doesnt go that hard, but it makes you so tense and suspenseful. but my answer is Wonderland lol

for End of Nightmare it’s And There Was No One Left

for Raid of Dream it’s hard to choose again... Silent Night is probably by far the most popular pick for this, and i think Curse of the Spider is a little bit underrated, so my instinct to pick the unconventional pick makes me wanna choose it, but i just dont know if that’s true lol. i think i have to go with Silent Night