#ooh hey vulture

[indiegame]

i've been rotating "i can't be the only one who is pushing forwards in this relationship and giving and checking in" alongside "i care so fucking much and i will never apologize for sending messaged and checking in"

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Junior Year Ep 9

Into the Woods

Note: I almost called this recap "There's Something in the Glade There" but I figured I'm go for the less obscure reference.

Welcome back to Fantasy High and, more specifically, to the Vulture Dimension where our intrepid heroes have been shunted after Kristen, in a moment of peril, decided to “Hey Girlie” a random vulture in the middle of a fight. In fairness to her, she was out of spells at the time but, let’s be real, odds are good that this would have happened regardless. 

The Bad Kids are immediately faced with the giant, screeching Vulture King who demands that they answer his riddle and asks if they want to do it individually or simultaneously. Because they have a higher sense of chaos than self preservation, the majority votes for simultaneously which means they all have to answer the same thing at the same time and the Vulture King will kill them if they try any shenanigans (and ooh do they try). Lucky for them the riddle is a multiple choice question: Vultures-Yea or Nay?  Everyone says yea and the Vulture King happily says they all pass. Adventuring Party note: Brennan did have a whole fight planned for if they failed the “riddle” so it’s a good thing they got the nonsense out of their system before they answered. Especially because, contrary to what they assume, time doesn’t pass differently in the vulture dimension. The fight is still happening! As a prize for solving the riddle of the vulture dimension, the King has his minions rip his body apart and his viscera become magic items the party can take, which they do as they exit back to the fight. 

Back at the Festival, the battlefield has changed. More people have fled, the girls washer and dryer are fighting, and Grix is casting Hold Person on Ruben. I won’t give a blow by blow here but suffice to say, they finish up the fight and Fabian gets the killing blow, committing Principal-cide before we’re even halfway through the season. Gorgug, uncharacteristically pissed, gets on mic and tells everyone to get off his lawn and leave his house. Fig, as Wanda, gets a 30 to create an illusion of her leaving on a bus while Ruben desperately chases after her. Shortly after that, Agent Clark shows up asking about the Wanda sighting but Gorgug is absolutely not having cop behavior on his property and asks for a warrant, oinking at him when he admits he doesn’t have one and retreats. Our boy is *aggro* today!

Everyone goes to check on Grix’s body to see if they can figure out what that dude’s damage is. Gorgug thinks there might be something related to the Cloud Rider engine happening but, with a 21 Tinker's Tools check, finds nothing. Grix’s hard drive is encrypted and bears Aguefort’s arcane mark (an on-fire egg and an open book). Adaine’s Identify spell doesn’t clock him as anything other than what we’ve been told he is: an automaton made by Aguefort (and stored at school) to maintain order. Curiously, we are specifically told that he had directives to enforce school bylaws, make sure nothing hinky is happening while the superintendent's office might be investigating, and to leave campus to take care of things that might be a direct threat to the existence of the school. 

Fig wonders if someone tampered with the school’s bylaws to make him act in such an an-Aguefort manner. Riz wonders if making a crazy robot by not thinking things through is exactly what Aguefort would do but thinks the bylaws idea is good to follow up on. Fabian says Mazey, as school prez, might be a good person to ask about bylaws. 

Riz has another idea: What if Ruben and his band were executing some kind of ritual with their performance? Fig notes that there were/are no other Rat Grinders around which feels suspicious while Riz, Kristen, and Adaine investigate the stage. Under the stage, they find these glowing singers/power connectors that are giving off a faint, red glow. They aren’t in an obvious pattern but Gorgug notices they don’t make any sense the way they’re set up–you wouldn’t set up connectors that way for effective electrical wiring. Riz notices there are 24 of them just like the rage stars and where Ruben was standing would be the center. 

Fig wants to question Ruben but he’s gone, still chasing the ghost of Wanda Childa. A victim of her own success! When Gorgug unplugs the power source that’s powering the stingers, there’s not a release of energy. It seems like whatever was going on with them has already happened. He also notices that there was one under each speaker and everyone realizes that the lyrics of Ruben’s song were all about getting mad: probably rage god related! 

Riz wonders if the other Rat Grinders were pressuring Lucy to switch to the Rage god (and *I’m* wondering if this rage god was the reason for Ruben’s switch for acoustic guitar to emo screamo) and Adaine suggests they go to the Farhaven Woods to talk to the rats that they were so fond of grinding. 

Kristen tracks down a rat to talk to and Fabian eats the raw guts of a full vulture to activate a magical item that will allow him to speak with animals before realizing that he completely misunderstood the item. Whoops. He gets it right the second time (eating the V King’s tongue)  and they’re able to have a very illuminating conversation with Spot–a rat that got a Nat 20 on his history check about Lucy. 

Spot says that they didn’t like the Rat Grinders very much because they were always killing them but, around Sophomore Year, Lucy started coming back after her party left to resurrect the dead rats so they liked her a lot. Fabian asks about if the RG’s had a hideout and Spot says they hung out all over the place but there’s one place he and the other rats like to go because it was the last place…he trails off. After a brief interlude about the Rat World under the school (don’t worry about it) and a Bardic from Fig (DO worry about it), Spot agrees to take them to the special place. 

By now, it’s late and Fig and Kristen have a short conversation about how this is all very Cassandra vibes. The shards Kristen carries glows and she vows to find Cass’s husband (or WIFE, cuts in Adaine the ally. Don’t assume). 

As they approach the lake, Fabian feels his stomach get upset and, before anyone can do anything, an owl swoops down and eats Spot. RIP. Please, hold an exorcism for Fig you guys I’m BEGGING you. Anyway, Riz comes in hot with a Nat 20 Investigation check which means that Brennan has to give them EVERYTHING. 

There are a bunch of violently felled, rotten trees around them and expertly hidden under vines and foliage Riz finds the body…of Yolanda Badgood! That’s Kristen’s teacher that she informed about Lucy a few eps back. Last we heard she was going to talk to Jace about it. The body seems like it was taken apart by force damage (which Emily thinks is Steel Wind Strike which we do know that Grix has, for the record). There’s no magical residue (which either means no magic or great cleanup) and it’s about 3 hours dead. Three hours ago is also around when Ruben was playing. 

Kristen tries to cast Raise Dead but she finds that something is preventing her. Yolanda’s ribs are cracked and in the center of the sternum is something she can’t see–specifically there is something there that she can tell is there but is effectively censored–she realizes that it’s the sigil of the dead god’s name and it has been stamped here in some kind of unholy last rites to keep Yolanda’s soul trapped. Adaine switches her diviner vision to the ethereal plane which allows her to spot the sigil in another place. That helps them find Lucy’s dead body under a tree because the same process was done to her. 

Lucy has clearly been dead for months and her body looks like it was attacked by many assailants–weapons and magic. There’s also something weird about the soil around where these bodies and the sigil are. The plants’ roots are almost refusing to grow. And Fabian notices that Lucy’s blood vessels were crushed with such force that the blood has carbonized and turned to diamonds (Adaine–no).

Gorgug looks at the trees and thinks that based on how violently they were felled and they way they’ve broken, someone fought a giant here (unclear if that means an actual giant or Lucy herself being giant-kin) and the tree on Lucy was put there intentionally to hide the body (which suggests a non-Lucy giant being involved). 

It's about 3am. Kristen tries for a Divine Intervention and fails. Then she remembers what Yolanda said about how since Cass is gone, she’s the one who has to work the miracles of doubt. Kristen reaches out her awareness to her goddess and hears some words: Spies, Tongue, Curse. 

There’s a discussion about whether they should report this so that Lucy’s parents can at least have the closure of her body being found that ends inconclusively but Adaine gets a sample of the weird soil so Riz can take it to his soil club buddy Molman (Riz Gukgak: king of the dweebs!). 

Kristen starts an impromptu, ad hoc ceremony, combining Spare the Dying with her sadness that Yolanda is dead and her regret for not being a better student to a teacher she actually really liked. She places one of Cass’s shards on Yolana’s chest and the sigil loses its grip on her. Her soul is no longer stuck. Kristen quickly does the same for Lucy and Gorgug and Fabian witness the souls of Lucy and Yolanda holding hands and moving on. Kristen may be a so-so student and a meh evangelizer but gods, she’s a GOOD cleric. And a much more useful one now because as soon as this happens, she regains her spellcasting! How? Don't ask too many questions. Her domain is doubt. The logic can be fuzzy. 

Fig gets a Nat 20 to cover their tracks and, with their limited time, she chooses to cover the tracks leading directly to the body, not the ones that show they were in the woods. Riz/Murph hilariously points out something I say all the time–this is a magical world where Zone of Truth exists. If anyone accuses them of killing the women, they can just submit to a truth spell. Once they leave the woods, Fabian calls the cops with a fake name and a voice filter and idk why he thought Brennan would make the cops helpful. They’re transferred to Agent Clark at the Council of Chosen almost right away and Fabian hangs up as Clark starts to trace the call. 

With that, we enter another period of downtime! 

Riz is up first. He rolls Academics first (DC 5) and tries to find the Rogue prof–he needs a 30 for that but “only” gets a 25 which is still an A. Next is Extracurriculars (DC 10) which he gets a 22 on even with disadvantage. He hands off the soil to Molman who is excited to check it out but gets suspiciously aggro when he sniffs it (though it’s played as a joke). Third track is Popularity (DC 15) and with a 19, he’s gathering all sorts of freaks and geeks to vote for Kristen. He doesn’t roll for Relationships which means that he’s not spending that much time with his Mom and he misses her visit to the cemetery to see his dad. He runs into her after the visit and amidst the guilt, asks about her Frostfair case. She said the case folded and he wants to know about that so she says she’ll drive him to school and they can talk about it on the way. We don’t get that conversation this episode so put a pin in it for now. 

Fabian drops some cash on some nurses with B12 shots to help his friends relax, but, due to the mechanic, they can’t roll relaxation later than third to benefit and Relaxation has to be the last track they roll.

On to Gorgug! He decides that it’s time to take care of business and rolls Barbarian first (DC 5) since Porter says that he won’t sign his MCAT without an A+. He doesn’t make it at first but, luckily, his party includes a Div Wizard. Adaine drops a portent roll on him and he clears it with ease as she helps him study. She also starts having visions of him spellcasting while raging and specifically, a vision of him doing that while making a big triumphant leap at a party (which is described as Fabian’s bday party–I assume this is the same party she had a vision of before but I previously thought it was a campaign victory party or Gorgug/Riz’s bday. I will also say, Brennan has specifically mentioned the glowing moon each time. Anyway, moving on). 

Emboldened by his success, Gorgug slams down the door and tells Porter he sucks. Porter is loving this energy and asks about the video of him oinking at a cop. Where has THAT energy been this whole time? Porter finally has a solid conversation with Gorgug and tells him that he has to give himself permission to get angry when he feels it rather than always smoothing it down, especially when he literally gives himself permission to murder people on the regular. He signs Gorgug’s MCAT and tells him about an optional exam called the Last Stand which is kind of a loophole that Aguefort built in to help kids screwed over by bureaucratic rules. He says if Gorgug needs it at the end of the semester then they can talk more and that there are definitely kids who are gonna need it this year because he heard a full class went pass fail. Kristen realizes that her teacher straight up died so that class might be her class. And that will affect a lot of parties potentially because almost everyone has a cleric. Finishing up with Academics, his Artificer 1 (DC 10) is a 23 (A+). His Art 2 (DC 15) is a DC 15. He takes a stress when he fails and passes with a C. Art 3 (DC 20) he also passes with a C once Riz takes a stress for him. He has a talk with Henry, his teacher, who says he needs to buckle down because things are getting rough though he understands there are only so many hours in the day…unless he builds a time machine of course. It’s said like a joke but this is the chronomancy 4 life school so who knows. Gorgug says he’s gonna do better, especially since he has his MCAT now. He also rolls for Owlbears (DC 25) and gets a 26, managing to not get kicked off! Gorthalax is thrilled. With all that rolling for school he doesn’t have time to roll for Relationships and his bio parents head back before he has a chance to hang out with them. Just like Riz, he feels bad about having missed the chance to connect.  

Now, let’s check in with the elven Oracle. Adaine rolls Academics first (DC 5) and gets a 15 which is an A but not an A+. She takes it and Prof Runstaff says that her spellwork is immaculate but she needs better materials. Adaine swallows her frustration at that and, over the weekend, she gets a text from Aelwyn: Can't believe I'm gonna say this. Miss my little sister. Everything all right? Adaine asks for her to come to Basrar’s so they can talk and Aelwyn does. She fills Adaine in on her living situation (TEN CATS???) and seems genuinely concerned and appalled that Adaine is working as a waitress in an attempt to solve her diamond problem. As she correctly points out, that math on that just doesn’t add up. She gets Adaine to take her break, abjures some annoying Falinel elf who’s trying to get Adaine to do oracle stuff, and says that there are other ways to make money besides waitressing. Adaine is suspicious and those suspicions are proven true when Aelwyn reveals that she’s been getting her extra cash by working for none other than Kipperlilly Copperkettle. Just can’t help yourself from working for bitchy, blonde, Aguefort girls huh?

Honor Roll

Kristen for Being A Damn Good Cleric

Listen, I have stuff to say about Kristen the student and Kristen the sole manager of a religion but I can’t say anything about Kristen as a Cleric in the purest sense of the word. When the chips are down and she’s locked in, she’s truly untouchable in her field. And outside of just the raw power, her genuine emotion and care for Lucy and Yolanda was really touching. She may have a C in class but right now she’s getting an A+ when it counts. 

Detention

Fabian for Eating A Normal Ass Raw Vulture

This is honestly more just for his own safety than to punish him. Reading is fundamental my guy! So is cooking raw meat! (Though idk how much that will help when the animal you’re eating mainly eats ROTTING CORPSES). 

Random Thoughts

I wonder if Aguefort had an ulterior motive for going on a semester-long vacation this year. Perhaps avoiding an investigation he knew was coming?

Given Lou is playing Fabian as oblivious to Adaine’s money troubles, how insane must it be to watch your “rich” friend for a moment consider robbing a dead person’s blood for diamonds?

RIP Yolanda :( You would have loved to know that Kristen got her spellcasting back. 

Very predictable of me but I’m so psyched to jump right into Abernant stuff at the top of next episode. Aelwyn said she was gonna get them sandwiches and Dimension Door them to the wreckage of their burned down mansion. That’s SO dramatic. I missed her so much. Also very curious to know to what level Aelwyn is working with KP. In her mind is this an evil plan she’s working on or does she just know KP hired her to do something maybe slightly shady but not evil? I assume this is what she was doing when she texted Adaine back that winky face. Does she know Adaine hates her? Because Adaine is very not subtle about it. We’ll see next week! 

(Also, “miss my little sister”. Ugh, love. And I love that she seems genuinely concerned in a sisterly way about Adaine’s money troubles).  

There’s the matter of what Kristen got from Cass: Spies, Tongue, Curse. In the episode, they speculated that Tongue is Fabian because he had just eaten the Vulture King’s tongue to speak to Spot and the Curse was Fig for obvious reasons. If they’re correct and the words all match up to a different Bad Kid then spy is likely Riz or Adaine. Riz because of all his spy gadgets or Adaine because with this revelation from Aelwyn that she has dirt that she’s willing to share on KP/presenting KP as a potential way to make money, she could be the spy. 

The fact that Grix can intervene outside of school if there is a threat to the school’s existence is a big clue. It seems likely that he was trying to ice Ruben, not for any drugs he may have done but to stop the ritual he was doing. We don’t really know what it was about or how much he (Ruben) even knew about but it’s hard to imagine that it was a fun, chill ritual.  

Lucy’s body seems to have been destroyed by a party of diverse adventurers, potentially her own party which would be messed up. But we have to consider the possibility that they didn’t do it on purpose. Those Rage Mages killed their friends in the mall fight and that wasn’t on purpose. And I can see dumbass teens covering their tracks. 

Lucy being dead and her soul being trapped to her body makes the fact that Fig’s disguise didn’t phase her at the party even more baffling. Ivy, what games are you playing???

Lucy named Spot :(

Let the record show that my autocorrect also thinks that KP has four (dog) names:

[arachnixe]

A Better Family

(Part 2 of Night’s Longing - Previous: Den of Depravity)

A man kneels on a stone floor, coughing blood. His face is a battleground of despair versus anger, and he clenches his fists in a futile gesture of resistance.

“If it helps, I’m sorry in my own way. I’d hoped to let you live, but I cannot do that if you will not play your role in this story.” A figure, cloaked in darkness, circles the dying man like a vulture.

“Damn you, Alucard. I should have known it was you. I see now it was always you. The count—” Another coughing fit interrupts him. “I won’t let you get away with this.”

“You are not in much of a position at all to ‘let’ me do anything, Morris.”

“I can still… curse with the best of them. Enough blood here for it, at least.” The man puts a red, dripping hand to his forehead and breathes a prayer. “By the bloodline of the Boltman clan, I curse you. We will wipe your progeny from the world. When you die, it will be at our hands. On my life, I swear it. In the name of my family I do hereby vow. We will be your end, Dracula.“

In a flash of light, the man collapses. Somewhere far away, a child wakes up from a nightmare of his father dying, his face wet with tears.

---

I, on the other hand, wake up with a smile on my face. Get wrecked, old man. If I have to suffer your curse, at least I have the consolation prize of playing dream witness to your embarrassing last moments on your knees again and again. It’s a damn shame, I think, that one of my ancestors apparently was successful at killing Dracula at some point. Wasn’t enough to end the curse on my family, though. I guess we are supposed to kill every last vampire to fulfill the prophecy.

That won’t happen if I have any say in it. I am determined to be the last of my line.

“Wait, she’s awake again already?”

“What did I tell you? This girl is the best.”

I open my eyes, blinking through the haze and trying to reorient myself. It’s still night, and I’m lying across the laps of two beautiful women in a dimly lit booth. I only recognize one of them. “Hey, Vicky. Who’s your friend?”

“Not totally with it yet,” the stranger observes.

“Come on. You met Liz already, remember? My sister.”

“Right, the hot sister.” That rings a bell. I sit upright with Vicky’s aid and position myself comfortably between the two vampires. I’m still feeling a bit dizzy, and my limp neck struggles to prevent my head from lolling to the side. “Gonna have to get some calories and iron in me if you want to go again before morning.”

“Already got a big steak coming your way, Hanna. Extra rare, just how you like it.”

I can’t believe there’s a nightclub in this city that serves steak of all things. This place rules.

“Ooh, she does have good taste. Twice over, even.” Liz rewards my quality opinions with a kiss on the lips and a lustful squeeze of my boob. While she continues occupying my mouth, Vicky runs her hand up my thigh and takes a long, lingering lick from my collarbone to my jaw. The way they treat me like a premium cut of meat makes me shiver in anticipation of what’s to come later tonight.

I’m too distracted to notice when my own meal arrives until the smell reminds my stomach that I’m starving.

“Oops, looks like they thought that was for one of us,” Liz says.

No sides on the plate, just a fat fucking slab of barely seared beef swimming in blood—is that human blood?—in a presentation clearly intended for vampire clientele rather than a living human. This place must be damn fancy by vampire standards. Or maybe it’s just that full moon excess at work.

I’m drooling, too hungry to fret about the details. If Liz thinks a little blood is going to put me off my appetite, I’m happy to prove her wrong. I demolish the whole thing in record time, ripping chunks of flesh apart with my teeth and happily sipping the mixture of blood and beef juices until I clean the plate and give Liz a little wink in response to her shocked expression.

“And here I thought a place like this would have an aversion to stakes.“

Vicky laughs uproariously. It’s a universal truth that no vampire can resist puns about themselves.

“I’ve never been so turned on in my life,” Liz says. “You’re telling me she’s really a—“

Vicky hisses an interruption. “Not here. Don’t yell at me about taking a stupid risk and then turn around and talk about it in public!”

I’ve inferred that if a certain someone in a position of authority were to learn about me being a vampire hunter in their midst, I’d be in real danger. I’m durable, but I’m not invincible, and besides, the last thing I want to do is to have to kill a bunch of vampires who think they’re just protecting themselves.

There must be a way to earn some measure of trust from the clan, show them that I’m not a danger, that I’m not like my hateful family.

“What if I found a way to prove myself?” I ask. “Make some big show of loyalty that can’t be ignored. It’s all well and good for me to repeatedly give myself to a couple of the hottest women I’ve ever met, but I don’t think anyone’s gonna believe that’s an act of altruism, per se.“

Vicky nods, stroking my cheek with affection. “You’re a freak for sure, but that’s not quite enough on its own.”

“You could wipe out one of, uh… your kind’s cells,” Liz suggests. “One that’s been directly a problem for us. That would go a long way.”

My heart skips a beat at the suggestion. Wipe out. She means doing some straight-up murder. There’d be no coming back from that, but that’s the point, isn’t it? That’s what makes it a perfect test of loyalty. If I really want to make a difference, do some real good for the world, and spit on my family’s name in the process, here’s the perfect mission.

I lean back in the booth, turning my body to the side to face her directly. “Do you know of any specific one that would fit the bill?”

“It’s my job to know these things, my dear. Though I want to enjoy your company in full before I send you out on an obvious suicide mission. The cell I’m thinking of is run by a Boltman, which is a name that should strike fear into even your heart.” She squeezes my knee. “Of course, I wouldn’t blame you for changing your mind after hearing that.”

Vicky didn’t tell her, then. Or maybe she didn’t recognize the specific family affiliation identified by my tattoo. Not sure how to bring that up myself, so maybe I won’t just yet. Still, the name doesn’t change anything, really. It only helps me solidify my own feelings. I feel my face settling into an serious expression just shy of a scowl. “Quite the opposite.” My hand clenches into a fist. “I’m eager to take that family down most of all.”

---

There’s a difference between knowing of a hunter cell and knowing where to find it, of course, but I do have some advantages the vampires lack. I’m trained in several different hunter codes, naturally including the Boltman family’s.

Graffiti marks the location of safehouses, with special markings and modifications signaling how recently it was still believed to be uncompromised and whether other hunters are welcome. Some markings warn of nearby vampire dens with an estimated population count and risk level. Others hint at stashes nearby.

I meander the streets until I spot the first such sign: a stash. A false brick in an alleyway conceals some frozen sunlight and a silver chain. Smash one, pocket the other to pawn later, then keep looking. Where there’s one sign, more will be around the area.

The first safehouse I spot is unoccupied. Not too much of a surprise there; we keep plenty of redundant ones in case someone gets followed. Lucky break, though, someone has used it recently, and decoding the log book gives me clues about where to check next.

It takes only a few days to close in on the cell’s current location, and then no time at all to convince the guard to let me in. I know all the right words, and I flash them the tattoo that marks me as one of theirs. They have no reason to doubt me.

“Hey, Carlo!” The woman who lets me in shouts louder than I think reasonable. “This a cousin of yours or something?”

A shirtless man taking swings at the punching bag in another room stops what he’s doing, wipes the sweat off his face with a nearby towel, and approaches the two of us. He looks me up and down for a moment before responding.

“Not one I’ve met before.” He extends a hand. “Carlo Boltman.”

“Hanna.” I shake his hand. “Boltman too, that is.” I lift my shirt to show him my tattoo, a perfect match for his. I’m also dressed for the occasion in my hunter’s garb: strategically armored, belt full of essentials, and with knives and stakes strapped to me in easy to reach places. The leather gorget at my neck bears the seal of Clan Boltman, one repeated on my bracers and embossed on the back of my silver pendant.

“Hanna? Just like…?” Carlo turns and shouts toward another room. “Hey, Uncle Dan, come out here.”

Does everybody here feel the need to shout instead of walking over to—

“Well, well, well, the prodigal daughter returns to the fold. And here I thought you were content to steal from me and fuck off to a life of leisure.”

“Daniel. How good to see you well.” I keep my voice measured and composed, if icy, while addressing my father. I will not show him weakness. “I was unaware you considered it stealing to take the weapons and armor that were crafted for my measurements and with which I had grown accustomed during my training. I mistakenly assumed my father would bless his daughter with the tools she needs to strike out on her own and practice the family trade.”

He laughs. “Well, if you really have taken up the family trade in this godforsaken city, I may be willing to look past your transgressions. Tell me, how many vampires have you successfully hunted so far?”

“Five,” I reply without hesitation. “Two at once just a few days ago, in fact.” The smile of satisfaction I give him is even honest.

“Hmm.” He grunts. “Inadequate, but I do believe that’s within your capabilities. Be glad you didn’t try to lie to me.”

I almost pity Carlo, eyes darting back and forth at the two of us in our chilly confrontation. While it’s clear my father must have mentioned me before, it seems he wasn’t prepared for the truth of our strained relationship.

“I thought Carlo here would be the leader of this outfit, but I know you better than to assume you’d allow anyone else to call the shots when you’re around. So why don’t you tell me what you’re planning so that I can lend you my aid and we can part ways again?”

Daniel smirks. “No, this is my dear nephew’s mission. While I have graciously volunteered some input, I would never undermine the judgment of a fully trained and independent vampire hunter of our clan.”

We glare at each other for several silent seconds before I turn my gaze to my cousin. With a rueful grin, I say to Carlo, “I’m sorry about all this. You don’t deserve to be caught up in this kind of bickering. Would you brief me on what your group has planned?”

Carlo looks back toward my father, who gives a stern nod. “Well, first you need to know that we caught word Clan Sarthe is planning something big. ‘Resurrection of Dracula’ big, in fact.”

“You can’t ‘resurrect’ a vampire.”

My father snorts his disapproval with me. “Dracula is no run-of-the-mill vampire, girl. He’s the damn source of it all! And if you don’t want your job to get a whole lot harder, you won’t rest on your laurels hoping whatever ritual those bloodsuckers are planing is a dud.”

“Right,” Carlo continues. “We don’t want to take any chances. Which is why I called in a real veteran,” he gestures at Daniel, “and why we’re gearing up to hit the main hive.”

Leading me across the room, he unfurls an old-fashioned paper map of the city. That’s certainly my father’s influence; he is convinced all the tech companies are in the pocket of Big Vampire. I recognize a good number of the circled points on the map: several major dens I’m familiar with, including the Carmine. The circle he jabs at, however, is new to me.

“Warehouse district?”

“Right. The entrance is an unmarked building. We believe it leads to a network of tunnels that sprawls… well, we don’t know how far they go, but we’re pretty sure we can expose a lot of vamps to some surprise daylight with strategically placed explosives in the area.”

The plan is vile. The more he describes it, the gladder I become that I’m here to put a stop to this before they hurt any more innocents. I’m not even sure it would work, but a lot of vampires would die either way.

I nod thoughtfully and play my role, offering suggestions as though I intend to let them attempt this cruel scheme. I introduce myself to the other members of the cell, mostly ordinary people rather than true hunters. I don’t bother learning their names. The more time I spend around people like this, the more my own humanity disgusts me, the more apart I feel from all of them.

These people are not my real family. I know where I belong.

At night, most everyone falls asleep. The one exception, aside from me, is the guy keeping watch, just starting his night shift. The man doesn’t watch his back at all, and I quietly slip behind him and slit his throat.

It’s a nice safehouse, with enough rooms for everyone to have their own place to sleep even with six of us here. Better still, the walls are thick enough to muffle any brief struggle someone might offer, but I won’t need to rely on that as long as I hit them quickly and effectively. Fortunately, I am well trained in where and how to stab someone to prevent them from raising an alert.

Inside the first bedroom is the sweet girl who let me in. She sleeps on her back. I crush her windpipe, and in the same fluid motion I stab her through the heart. Her blood soaks the sheets without so much as a squeak of distress.

The second bedroom is where things go wrong. Carlo is awake, with someone going down on him. He’s too distracted to notice my entrance right away, but I don’t get far before he starts to yell.

My knife sails in a graceful arc from my hand into his eye socket. I dive forward, drawing another to stab through the sheets into the back of the nobody fellating my cousin. Carlo scrambles, losing blood, clearly in a panic, and I drive my second knife up through his diaphragm. Soon he too collapses.

That shout. There’s no way it didn’t wake Daniel up. After weighing my options, I choose to dash from the room yelling, “we’ve got company!”

Perhaps my father really is a sentimental old fool to the end. He bursts from his own room, armed with the famous family blade, and as I watch him scan the hallways holding that sword of his aloft, he shows no suspicion whatsoever toward me.

“How many, Hanna?”

“Two, I think. No idea how they got in.”

He swears under his breath, moving past me to peek into Carlo’s room, trusting me to watch his back. “Shit, Hanna. At least I’ve got you here. I never told you this, but—“

It’s all the opportunity I need to drive my dagger into his neck. I lever it back and forth to really shred his carotid artery and send his blood spraying like a fountain. Fuck that feels good. Oh, that really feels good.

On an impulse, I lean forward and catch the spray of blood in my mouth. It’s not like I draw strength from it like a proper vampire, but I’ve learned to love that salty, metallic flavor in my own way, and today it tastes like my freedom from this damn family of mine.

“Fuck you, dad.” I smear crimson victory across my face and laugh with sheer, manic joy. “I’d tell you to go to hell, but you always said that’s where all vampires go when they die for good.” I slice deeper, all but severing his head, then follow up by stabbing him again and again in each vital organ. Can never be too sure with a vampire hunter. “I’m sure, whenever I end up dying, that’s where I’m going too. And I’d rather not have you around while I’m spending my afterlife with everyone I ever loved.” I spit on his body. “If hell is my fate, then you can go to heaven or go to oblivion, but wherever the fuck you end up, go there without me.”

I grab my phone and text my family to let them know that there are some rapidly cooling bodies for them to enjoy if they’re feeling peckish. Also, I’ll appreciate their help taking some photos and videos to document my beautiful sins.

[jnstudios2]

Nicktoons Unite The Animated Series episode two

The syndicate lair

Deep below the surface was a lab full of gadgets and sparks flaring everywhere. Professor calamitous was repairing his bots grumbling about the nicktoons unite. “ blasted nicktoons unite,

Destroying my toys and making me a mockery!” He grumbled while fixing them. “ these nicktoons unite are getting stronger with everything we throw at them to slow them down “ plankton said folding his robotic arms with a hmph. “ yes it seems so “ calamitous said then smiled bringing out a microchip “ but not anymore “ he chuckled putting it in a syndicate bot. The bot started up and adapted itself to create new weaponry to destroy the dummies into pieces.” Ooooh” the two said when calamitous turned it off. “ yes quite impressive, but I’m out of supplies here to develop more” calamitous said when the two pondered what to do with this supply problem. “ I have a supply port in California for me to resupply, but I need you two to distract the nicktoons unite while I gather the supplies to create an army of powerful syndicate bots for us to rule the universe hahaha!” Calamitous laughed as did plankton and Crocker getting ready to create their powerful robot army.

Cue theme song and title card

At the headquarters

The crew was playing cards at the game room, a place where glowing games were, a giant tv, a table, and a couch. Timmy was secretly wishing for full houses in their games of go fish. Jimmy noticed it “ Timmy you’re cheating!” Jimmy said “ no I’m not!” Timmy said then continued to secretly wish for more full houses. “ I can literally hear you wishing you right now “ Danny said annoyed.” Cheaters never prosper” SpongeBob said “ oh please if you had faires you would do the same!” Timmy argued. “ I would use them to help solve problems like pollution and other issues going on right now” Jimmy said making Timmy looked at him “ those are some lame wishes!” Timmy said “ no you’re not!” Jimmy said as they faced each other and growled. “ hey stop that! “ Danny said separating them both “ and try to enjoy our time off from protecting the universe “ Danny said as SpongeBob agreed with him. “ yeah fighting never solves anything, except if you get bullied “ SpongeBob said. “ whatever” Timmy said rolling his eyes and leaning in his seat. An alarm went off “ Crocker has been causing trouble in fairy world, stealing..wish muffins?” Ella said looking at her tablet confused. “ well it’s the syndicate up to no good again, I need you guys to help out fairy world “ Ella said when the four looked annoyed “ were on it” Danny said acknowledging her and heading out with the three into fairy world. The three mischievous ghost vultures grinned watching them invisible “ ooh I think the boss is going to enjoy hearing about this” the leader vulture said. “ yeah but what about our job to spy on that fool?” The second vulture said. “ you moron!, we already spied on him and got what we needed” the leader vulture said hitting him in the head. “ ow! Sorry I forgot ok” the second one said “ we should be going back to the boss, he’s expecting us” the third vulture said as the other agreed flying away into the sky.

Vlad’s castle

Throne room

The throne room was like the video game was, the only difference was that the ghost portal wasn’t in there. That was in his laboratory full of technology and where experimenting happened. Vlad was in his fancy throne chair that was gold and purple waiting for something to arrive. He tapped his finger on his throne waiting and waiting until three green ghost vultures with red hats with a skull on it appeared in the throne room. “ ah there you are my feathered friends” plasmius said when the leader vulture landed on his right shoulder “ have you got any news for me?” He asked the leader vulture. “ jack is still in the lab working away on new inventions and didn’t even notice us in there just like you predicted boss” the leader vulture told him making him grin wickedly. “ of course, jack is very predictable even after all these years, getting my sweet revenge on him would be satisfying to enjoy” plasmius smiled when his black gloved hand glowing pink. “ of course boss, you’ll have it soon” the leader vulture said nodding his head. a single on his watch device told him that calmitous was calling “ oh great, calamitous is calling ..ugh this better be good” he said teleporting to his lair turning on his screen while sitting in his chair. “ what is it this time calamitous?, another robot?” He said a bit annoyed. “ I have developed a microchip to be put inside our bots, we are going back to the roots of what made the syndicate..the syndicate “ he told him. “ Finally a good idea instead of throwing bots at them and being turned into metal cubes” he said. “ i need some of your technology to help us get started though, can you send it to my secret dock in California?” He asked as plasmius nodded. “ consider it done, I’ll bring it to your location, and don’t mess this up calamitous or I’ll be very upset “ he said pointing to the screen. “ you won’t like it when I get mad, I can’t be giving my technology and gadgets all of the time” he said as calamitous understood. “ thank you plasmius, you won’t regret it “ calamitous said as he hung up. “ better not, does he know how valuable my technology is? If he messes up another piece of my technology..I’m going to be very upset with him” he growled getting up and gathering his technology after he sent him the secret location on his syndicate watch. “ guard the castle you three, I want nothing happening while I’m gone or there will be consequences ,got it?” He said as his hand glowed pink scaring the three vultures. “.. you got it boss, you can count on us” the leader told him “ good” he said creating a portal to California and activating the security in his castle before he left and disappeared into the portal and went to see calamitous.

Fairy world

The nicktoons unite arrived to see everything a mess, fairies fleeing, destroyed homes, and blasts hitting anything in it’s way. “ look out!” Timmy said when the team dodged the blast coming towards them“ hahahaha well look who came to witness my glory” a familiar voice said when the team looked up to see Crocker in his armor and his staff giving them a wicked smile. “ Crocker!” Timmy growled “ where’s the wish muffins you stole?!” Wanda said when Crocker chuckled. “ I ate them of course quite delicious and stolen all the FAIRIES POWERS!” He laughed like a hyena scaring the team. “ you’re going to return what you stolen Crocker!” Jimmy said pointing at him “ or what brainiac? I have so much power to defeat you all so easily!” Crocker laughed uncontrollably. “ oh yeah!” Danny said blasting his ghost rays at him. But Crocker created a shield blocking his attacks “ yeah” Crocker said creating a giant boxing glove to hit Danny when he was flying towards him as he crashed in the bakery. “ charge!” Timmy said as the rest charged towards him but he grinned aiming his staff and trapping them in a bubble then throwing them into the bakery making a loud crash. The team got up “ we can’t even get close to him!” Timmy said as Danny was dusting himself off “ he wasn’t kidding about his power “ he said. “ but brains always beat brawn, I got a plan “ jimmy said when the team gathered. “ I need you three to distract him while I free the fairies and Jorgon, then we’ll let him have it!” jimmy said hitting his fist in his hand. “ sounds risky but it’s worth a shot” Danny said as the two agreed with him “ we’ll show him who we are!” Timmy said “ you said it sport! Wanda said. “ oh where did you go nicktoons unite? I’m not finished playing with you four yet and Timmy’s FAIRIES will be mine!” He laughed uncontrollably. “ now!” Jimmy said as the three got out of the bakery and attacking him. Crocker looked stunned then growled when the three grabbed him and his staff “ get off you miserable heros!” Crocker said trying to shake the three off of him and his staff distracting him when they were punching and kicking him or blasting him with their powers. SpongeBob blew bubbles right in his eyes as he howled “ ow ow ow! I got bubbles in my eyes!” Crocker howled trying to get it off of his eyes. Danny punched him into a wall while he was blinded and reckless shooting his staff everywhere trying to hit them. Jimmy found the dungeon Jorgon was trapped in and freed him by using his robotic arm to pick the lock. “ I thank you little one but that maniac hidden my big wand” Jorgon said “ well we have to find it cause my friends can’t hold him much longer!” Jimmy said. Timmy smacked him with his hammer that cosmo turned into while Wanda turned into a dragon blowing fire at him. “ OW HOT!” Crocker said finally getting the bubbles out of his eyes. He smacked Danny with his staff like a baseball bat and crashed into Timmy. SpongeBob used his karate gear to smack Crocker while he was blocking Wanda’s claw swipes angry that he hurt Timmy. “ ENOUGH!!!” He said creating a force field to smack everyone away from him. Everyone groaned when he shadowed over him “ time to say good bye to your FAIRIES Timmy and your friends!” He laughed aiming his staff and trying to trap Timmy’s fairies inside of it.” HEY JERK!” Jimmy shouted as Crocker turned to see him “ how dare you mock your ruler!” Crocker said pointing his staff at him. “ ruler? Oh please, he’s the ruler!” Jimmy grinned “ who’s he?” Crocker asked confused. “ ME YOU FREAK!” Jorgon said cracking his fists. Crocker turned to see him and looked scared aiming his staff at him “ stand back, I have all the FAIRIES powers !” Crocker said until Danny phased through him grabbing his staff “ not anymore “ Danny said smiling. Crocker looked shocked seeing the power fading away. “uh..oh” he said realizing what was about to happen next. Jorgon smiled when his big wand appeared again then blasted Crocker “ ALLLIIIEEE!” He screamed when the team just watched then he was beaten up and sliding to their feet all busted up

“ curse.. you” he said pushing a button on his armor disappearing out of fairy world. Danny smashed the staff to free all of the magic he stole and restored them back to the faires “ that was easy” Timmy said “ usually it would take longer to fight him” Wanda said a bit suspicious. “ at least fairy world is safe from him for now” jimmy said “ but something is up, why did crocker give up so easily?” Jimmy added. “ nicktoons unite! Plankton is attempting to steal the secret formula! I need you to head over to bikini bottom stat!” Ella said on their calling devices. “ that’s why! He was distracting us from plankton!” Danny growled. “ but we should help clean up fairy world first” SpongeBob said. “ nonsense, I’ll take care of this” Jorgon said when his big wand glowed. “ let’s go guys ! Time to stop plankton!” Timmy said as jimmy created a portal to bikini bottom.

They arrived at bikini bottom quickly

“ the blasted plankton , he’s going to pay for making us look like idiots!” Timmy growled grasping his green hammer that cosmo formed into. “ at least we got to beat up Crocker” Danny said looking at his hand and rubbing it “ that’s true “ Timmy said. “ guys we got to find plankton and stop him before he succeeds!” Wanda said when everyone agreed “ he wants the secret formula right? He must be heading to the Krusty Krab” jimmy said. “ not anymore! “ plankton said when a giant bubble trapped the team shocked. “ ohhahaha! I got you all good didn’t I?, should have seen the looks on your faces!” Plankton laughed in his giant robot. “ don’t bother breaking out , we created this bubble to keep you trapped inside even if you use your powers hahahaha!” He laughed. “ now if you’ll excuse me, I got a special guest in my home to have fun with , rubbing it In that I have the secret formula hahaha!” Plankton said flying away leaving the team in their giant bubble trap.

At the port

Calamitous smiled seeing the team trapped “ excellent work and with them trapped, I’ll have some time to start developing my microchips into our army haha! “ calamitous laughed as did Crocker. “ yeah the fools have no idea that we’re just putting them on a wild goose chase to work on our real plan “ Crocker laughed “ yes, and now it’s time to finish the job, you still have some fairy magic right?” Calamitous asked him “ umm only this vile that I kept with me” he said showing him the vile in his pocket. “ good, that should be enough to power them up to adapt, put the magic in the container so we can begin “ calamitous said pointing to the warehouse. Crocker nodded, heading to the warehouse to get more supplies for their army. Plasmius arrived “ alright here it is, now what exactly are we doing here?” He asked him “ simple, we are giving our bot minions from the video games a major upgrade, the microchip will give them the ability to adapt from attacks and create new weaponry to take care of the nicktoons unite “ he explained as plasmius was interested in his idea “ ooh sounds interesting calamitous “ he told him. “ but how do we know this won’t back fire on us..like last time?” He glared at him “ it won’t explode this time, you have my word” he told him as plasmius was doubtful about that.“ now let’s not waste any time and start creating our army to rule the universe “ calamitous smiled as the two did as well. plasmius grinned stretching his fingers “ let’s have some fun shall we?” He smiled as did the others.

Back in bikini bottom

The team was still fighting trying to burst the bubble “ we tried everything on this thing!” Danny said still blasting it. “ the syndicate sure did their homework this time” Jimmy said blasting his tornado blaster or his robotic arms to attack it. But the bubble took everything and didn’t even burst at all. “ great we’re stuck in here! Plankton is probably taking over bikini bottom as we speak!” Timmy said. “ don’t give up sport “ Wanda said then gave jimmy an idea. “ Timmy your fairies can get us out!” Jimmy said. “ oh right, cosmo,Wanda, I wish for us to be free from this bubble!” Timmy wished when his fairies proofed the bubble out of existence. “ what in Texas, the nicktoons unite? What are you doing here?” Sandy appearing out of nowhere scaring the team. “ sandy it’s plankton , he’s got the secret formula and possibly mr krabs!” SpongeBob explained shocking her. “ that’s horrible news SpongeBob, but I’ll help you guys out with any combat “ sandy smiled. “ would appreciate that, but we have to be careful with him, he’s part of the syndicate and has some gadgets to play with “ Danny warned her. “ oh don’t worry, I’ll be ready” sandy said. “ hellllooo plankton is probably causing more trouble!” Timmy said “ right, let’s go team..to the chum bucket!

At the chum bucket

Plankton had captured mr Krabs and had devious plans for to rub it in his face. He entered the room where he was tied and chuckled “ well krabs, I finally win with the secret formula in my grasp, I’ll rule bikini bottom hahaha!” He laughed shadowing over him. “ with the nicktoons unite out of the way, we will rule the universe as well, but for now it’s time to have some fun with you krabs” plankton said clinching his robotic clawed fists. “ umm we got a problem” Karen said showing the nicktoons unite heading towards them “ what?! How did they escape our bubble trap?! Oh well “ he said pushing a button. “ now you’ll watch krabs as I destroy your precious business and the nicktoons unite! Hahaha!” He said when the chum bucket turned into a giant robot armed to the teeth with weaponry going towards the krusty krab ready to stomp it into pieces. “Nooooooo! Not me business and money!” Krabs as plankton laughed until Danny punched his robot making him catch himself. “ it’s over plankton!” Timmy said when Wanda turned into a jetpack and cosmo into a giant hammer smacking him in the robotic eye blinding it. “ ahhh my robotic eye! Do you know how long it took to build that?!” He growled firing at Danny flying around him “ sorry plankton but it seems your tiny little brain isn’t smart enough to take us down” jimmy said using his robotic arms to get inside the robot when Danny did the same phasing inside. SpongeBob, sandy, and timmy was distracting him from noticing the two inside the robot. “ you free mr krabs, I’ll hack into the system” jimmy using his robotic arms to begin hacking into plankton’s system. “ on it” Danny said turning invisible and searched for mr krabs to free him from plankton.

Meanwhile at the port

Calamitous was busy at work “ my plan for our conquest has finally arrived after such a long time of waiting” he smiled. “ yeah and those fools are so busy fighting us to realize that we sent them on a wild goose chase! Hahaha!” Crocker laughed uncontrollably making calamitous eyes twitch “ silence you fool! You’re wasting time to build for our conquest, and your laughing is starting to give me a headache “ plasmius growled at him. “ oh..sorry” he smiled nervously as he went back to work as some bots gathered supplies for calamitous . “ what if they find out tho? They will be definitely come here to try to stop us” Crocker asked him. Calamitous grinned “ contact plankton “ calamitous told a syndicate bot. They saluted “yes lord calamitous “ the bot said contacting plankton for him.

Back at bikini bottom

Danny found where mr Krabs was tied up in and freed him “ I found him” Danny said on his earpiece “ great work,I’m almost done with the hack, that little insect won’t have his toy to play with soon” jimmy grinned. “ aw man but I’m enjoying destroying his toys!” Timmy said destroying a laser cannon “ my cannons, Oh now my back account is so dead!” Plankton said swiping at SpongeBob who was using his karate gear to smack his attacks. “ 3…2..1” jimmy said when the hack went into motion. “ huh? Why are you not destroying them? What is happening?!” Plankton said pushing buttons. “ play time is over plankton!“ Danny said freezing him with his ice powers“ I’ll be taking that “ mr krabs said taking away the secret formula in his safe “ nooooooo! Curse you all! I had bikini bottom in my grasp!” Plankton said. “ but you will soon once again” a voice said as plankton was teleported out of the ice and disappeared. “ that voice, calamitous!” Jimmy said as calamitous appeared on the screen “ what’s up morons!” Crocker said until he was pushed away. “ quiet you!” Calamitous said “ I’m afraid you are too late to stop us, our robotic army is almost complete! I had Crocker and plankton distract you fools while I worked on our real plan hahaha!” Calamitous laughed. “ we’ll stop you and your tin cans!” Danny said pointing at him. “ oh really? We have upgraded our bots to the max!, but here’s a little gift for you all falling for our trick” calamitous said pushing a button. “ self destruct in one minute “ a robotic voice said “ goodbye..nicktoons unite hahahaha!” Calamitous said as the screen turned off. Danny grabbed mr krabs and jimmy and phased throughout the robot before it exploded into bubbles. “ what the?” Danny said “ got you hahaha! But try to stop us if you can” calamitous said trolling them. “ ooh he’s getting on my nerves!” Wanda said. “ seriously he’s just playing with us!” Timmy said. “ he is and he did trick us good with the other members, but he was a bit clumsy “ jimmy said grabbing a metal sheet with the syndicate logo on it. “ I’ll just scan this and tada! He’s at a port in California” jimmy said “ I’ll call Ella to send some backup in case they activate their army” jimmy said typing on his wrist. Ella got the message “ Jenny, zim,and mighty b you’re needed in California “ Ella said contacting the three. “ heading there now “ Jenny said flying away “ zim will conjure all!” Zim said flying in his ship. “ mighty b to the rescue!” Might b said saluting. “ l like waffles!” Gir said calling back. “ I’m sure you do gir” Ella said hanging up and calling jimmy to tell him backup is on their way. Jimmy grinned creating a portal to California and used the data to arrive to the port.

The nicktoons unite arrived at the port after searching for it for a while

“ backup is arriving..now” Ella said when they heard a rocket to see Jenny land in front of them “ hey guys” Jenny said waving. Zim laughed coming out of his ship “ zim has arrived to conquer the universe! Hahaha!” He laughed as they looked at him. “ make way for the mighty b” mighty b said jumping from some crates. “ you guys must be the backup” jimmy said as the three nodded “ you betcha!, we heard something wicked is happening at this port” mighty b said. “ it’s calamitous, he put us on a wild goose chase with Crocker and plankton “ jimmy said. “ that inferior punk!” Zim said clinching his fists in anger “ that no good trickster, but he sure tricked you guys good” Jenny said. “ yeah he sure did” Danny said. “ but not anymore, we’re here to stop their plans once for all!” Timmy said. “ let’s get them!” Mighty b said bringing out an arrow as Jenny punched her hand with her fist and zim smiled wickedly cracking his fists.

Calamitous spotted them “ impossible! How did they find me?!” He growled. “ oh way to go cookieduster! Some genius who leaves technology laying around for boy genius to find your secret dock..way to go champ“ plasmius looking at him .” nevermind, I’ll just send them a distraction while We get away with my supplies and continue to build our ultimate army!” He laughed pushing a button when the ground began to shake transforming his workshop into a ship making their escape. “ this will keep them busy haha!” He laughed pushing a button on a remote when flying in their sights

“ there getting away!” Jimmy said pointing to the ship. “ uhhh guys” SpongeBob said. “ what is it?” Danny asked him “ we got company” he said pointing to some syndicate bots beginning to surround them. “ oh yeah I’m been waiting for this!” Timmy said when cosmo turned into a big green hammer and Wanda into a wish ray blasting at two then charging at them. Zim laughed pinching some then becoming a deadly tornado to slice through some “ gir attack!” He ordered when gir laughed throwing some waffles at two when the butter made them spark then collapsed onto the floor. “ I didn’t me- oh forget it” zim said heading towards one. Danny flew towards three freezing them using his ice powers then ghost powers to blast them into pieces. SpongeBob blew bubbles trapped some in bubbles as jimmy uses his robotic arms with ray guns to fire at the trapped bots destroying them in the process. Jenny and mighty b finished the last of them when mighty b jabbed her arrow into one turning it off as Jenny created a buzz saw to slice the last one who was blasting at her. The team saw the parts scattered all around the ground but they didn’t celebrate they just looked at the sky seeing that they escaped.”They got away” jimmy said clinching his fist glaring at the sky as did the others. They got away, which meant the syndicate was about to begin their plans to take over the universe.

The team headed back to the headquarters to tell Ella that the syndicate escaped. “ that no good cookieduster! He tricked us!” she growled when of her robotic clawed hand punched a metal wall showing her anger. She calmed down. “ but not to worry, we’ll be ready for them when they strike” she told the team. “ you bet we will, they are not going to trick us again” jenny said as they all agreed. “ now who wants waffles?!” Gir said as everyone looked shocked when gir laughed uncontrollably and zim smacking his face.

Meanwhile at the syndicate lair

Calamitous was hard at work creating his army as did plasmius using his genius and powers to create some when the microchip was placed into them. He tricked the nicktoons unite to gather his supplies, and now he was beginning to put his plans into motion. What evil awaited the team? what plans were the syndicate about to use? Who knew what the syndicate was planning to do next? One thing to say is that the syndicate has truly returned and was starting their conquest on the combined universe…soon. “ ah yes, I think this will definitely bring us back to our flare we had before for sure, not just with an army but we are finally making great plans instead of childish ones haha! “ plasmius said pushing a button to activate the factory machine to create more microchips for their army. “ oh and calamitous, while we wait on our army, why don’t we have some fun in the meantime” Plasmius grinned wickedly as did calamitous “ yes, we should indeed have some fun” he smiled as everyone’s laughter echoed throughout the lair.

[yiplee]

Hey, ur fics are awesome!! I was wondering if you could write lee!Kyle and ler!Stan? Feel free to decline! Have a nice day/night! -🦊

Thank you so much anon! 💕 I didn’t expect to actually get requests, let alone such support in the beginning lol! Thanks for the request, and heeere’s the fic :)

(Lee!Kyle) (Ler!Stan)

DESC: The morning after Stan and Kyle had a sleepover, Stan wakes up to find Kyle in his chair playing a game. He insists that Kyle stop and hang out with him some more before he has to leave, but Kyle insists on finishing the round, so Stan…interferes with the game. :)

———————————————————————

Stan yawned, slipping out of his sleeping bag. He looked around for a moment, confused out of his mind. Why wasn’t he in his bedroom?

He remembered in a second that he had just slept over at Kyle’s, the memories flooding back to him in an instant.

Hey, where was Kyle, anyway? Stan looked up at Kyle’s bed. He wasn’t in it. Then his attention was drawn to Kyle’s computer. He was playing some video game at his desk.

“Oh, hey Kyle! I’m up.” Stan said, standing up with a stretch and walking up to Kyle, leaning over to see what he was playing on the computer. It was some fps game.

“Oh hey Stan.” Kyle said absentmindedly, continuing to play his game like that’s all Stan had come over to say.

“Well uh…don’t you wanna hang out some more before I have to leave?” Stan asked, trying to get Kyle to look at him, but his eyes were glued to the monitor.

“Yeah, sure. Just lemme finish this round.” Kyle dismissed, sliding his headphone back over his ear. Stan’s brow furrowed. They hardly get to have sleepovers, and Kyle just wants to play video games?

“Well come on dude, you can play this game any day. We can only have sleepovers sometimes.” Stan argued, tucking Kyle’s headphone back.

“Stan! You’re distracting me.” Kyle shooed Stan like some sort of pest, putting his headphone back over his ear again.

Stan scoffed in disbelief. Some super-best-friend! He almost ripped Kyle’s headset off, but then he got a much better idea.

Stan smirked down at Kyle, who was too focused on his game to even see. He walked around to the back of Kyle’s chair, jumping up and leaning over it, so he dangled above Kyle with his arms behind him.

Kyle didn’t even notice, as he continued pressing keys on his keyboard and aggressively swiping his mouse across the mousepad. His arms were stretched forward. It was perfect.

With the focus of a vulture, Stan swooped both of his hands directly under both of Kyle’s arms. His fingers weren’t even moving yet, but it was enough to get a loud yelp of surprise from his distracted friend.

Kyle’s arms shot back from his keyboard, as he exclaimed “STAN! What the hell, man?” He hissed, looking up at his smug captor.

“What’s wrong, Kyle? Go ahead, play the game.” Stan teased, beginning to dig and scribble with his fingers which were tucked under Kyle’s arms.

Kyle clamped his mouth shut, trying to wriggle Stan’s hands out. He couldn’t even reach for his wrists and pull them off, because of the direction Stan was coming from. Stan just watched from above as his friend thrashed about beneath him.

“Stahahan! Cuhuhut it out!” Kyle hissed, squirming from side to side. “I’m trying to plahahay my gahahame!”

“Okay, play it then! Reach out! Grab the mouse!” Stan teased, lowering his hands to scribble up and down Kyle’s sides. That made Kyle shriek, bursting into his loud, wheezy laughter.

“Oh, Kyle, look! I think the enemy team is rushing you! You better get out of there!” Stan commented, while Kyle watched helplessly as his character was killed.

“Ooh! Tough luck! Does that mean the round is over, Kyle?” Stan wouldn’t let up on the teasing—or the tickles, for that matter.

“SHUHUHUHUT UP SMARTAHAHAHASS!!” Kyle called, wriggling madly as Stan’s fingers danced all across his midsection, and he could do nothing to stop it.

Stan laughed along with Kyle as the chair bobbed back and forth, with Kyle’s thrashing and Stan’s leaning pushing it to its limits.

Stan made the mistake of leaning in to get a better look at Kyle’s laughing face, and both boys yelped as the chair flipped over, sending both boys tumbling to the floor.

They both laughed together for a while before stopping to catch their breath. Stan stood up, offering a helping hand to Kyle as they stood the chair back up. Kyle turned his computer off and turned to Stan with a sudden serious look—he wasn’t going to forget about what happened.

“Stan.” Was all Kyle said. Stan looked back to Kyle with a guilty smile on his face. “…Yyyeess?”

“Run.”

At his words, Stan bolted off. Kyle chased after him—both boys laughing—through the house. It seems Stan’s method of getting Kyle to get up and play worked, just not in the way he expected.

[thefootnotes]

the outside mv

oh shit he angry

wait is it being seized by nico??? cause nico can do that, right, can seize dead animals as well as dead humans? or is it just dead humans and vultures in various states of life and death?

no dont kILL THE WEIRD UNDERWATER CREATURE YOU BASTARDS

oh hey clance

JOSH ML

oh so after the wreck they washed up here??? which is where exactly??????

ah shit the torch is out

yeah sure just run headfirst into a bush that was just moving dumbass

okay tyler i love you but you gotta work on not tripping over

oh thats an animal skull lovely

NED

ITS NED

OH JDKSFJDSLKFJLSKDJFKLDSJ

the torch is back bitches

NEDS

wait so theyre on the violent island or whatever it is???

sorry i understand the megalodon thing is dead serious but all i can think about is the meg movies? meg and meg 2? the really really shit movies about megalodons that are genuinely so awful and yet so entertaining?

"i am megatron" hi megatron im dad

no genuinely i thought you were clancy

heads are moving up and down? or neds are moving up and down?

sorry fully thought that was a bong for some reason but its a ladle

okay i love tyler but i! want! josh!

oh there he is. with his drums. which i still dont understand how thyere teleporting around.

NED

oh wait are those neds antlers

literally what is he supposed to do with those

oh. that i guess

the eyes are freaking me the fuck out

he's fully making the bishop dance and i find this so fucking funny

i love that josh is just like. "seaweeds on the drum? i sea-no-weeds." who cares."

okay thats creepy as shit the way the gown floats down

thats a lotta flames ngl

ooh who are these guys? just banditos or?

OH SHIT THEYRE THE KIDS

OH SHIT

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE PLOT TWIST OH MY MOTHERFUCKING LORD

[jxncywarrior]

Stranger Things characters and ships as Taylor Swift albums

Part Five: 1989

*Disclaimer: I’m tagging all the ships and characters featured. I’m gonna try not to be biased. MOST of these are strictly based on canon. No hate to ANY ships or shippers.*

Welcome To New York: Will

“Like any great love, it keeps you guessing. Like any real love, it's ever-changing. Like any true love, it drives you crazy but you know you wouldn't change anything”

Blank Space: Steddie (Eddie’s POV)

“I know you heard about me so hey, let's be friends. I'm dying to see how this one ends”

Style: Jancy (Nancy’s POV)

“I should just tell you to leave 'cause I know exactly where it leads, but I watch us go 'round and 'round each time”

Out Of The Woods: Ronance (Nancy’s POV)

“When you started crying baby I did too. When the sun came up, I was looking at you”

All You Had To Do Was Stay: Mileven (El’s POV)

“The more I think about it now, the less I know All I know is that you drove us off the road”

Shake It Off: El

“Got nothin in my brain. At least that’s what people say”

I Wish You Would: Byler (Will’s POV)

“We're a crooked love. In a straight line down. Makes you wanna run and hide. Then it makes you turn right back around”

Bad Blood: Eleven to One

“Now did you think it all through? All these things will catch up to you. And time can heal but this won't, so if you're coming my way, just don't”

How You Get The Girl: Steve

“Say it's been a long six months and you were too afraid to tell her what you want”

I Know Places: Ronance (Robin’s POV)

“Something happens when everybody finds out. See the vultures circling, dark clouds. Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out”

Wonderland: Jancy (Jonathan’s POV)

“Didn't they tell us, don't rush into things? Didn't you flash your green eyes at me? Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds? Ooh, didn't it all seem new, and exciting?”

You Are In Love: Jopper (Joyce’s POV)

“He keeps his word and for once, you let go of your fears and your ghosts”

New Romantics: The Party

“We're so young but we're on the road to ruin. We play dumb but we know exactly what we're doin'…And every day is like a battle but every night with us is like a dream”

Wildest Dreams: Ronance (Robin’s POV)

“I said, "No one has to know what we do.” His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room. And his voice is a familiar sound”

This Love: Jancy (Nancy’s POV)

“Tossing, turning. Struggled through the night with someone new. And I could go on and on, on and on. Lantern, burning. Flickered in the night, only you”

Links to other parts of this series: Debut, Fearless, Speak Now, Red, reputation, Lover, folklore, evermore

[lizalfosrise]

New AK ask. What region (Columbia, Sargon, Kazdel, etc) do you want to learn more about the most? Who do you think we should be following in an event that explores it?

Ooh this is a neat one, yeah. Let's start with considering those 3 first as there's certainly things to say there.

Columbia - We still have Lonetrail yet to drop and any further storyline following that for the Rhine Lab arc, plus there's now the upcoming Blacksteel Worldwide event Come Catastrophes or Wakes of Vultures to give us further exploration.

I want them to free Domma from NPC jail but that might require a Mountain Alter-worthy event :/ Orchid, Frostleaf or Vigna might have more potential there.

Sargon - We have the Acahualla storyline that may get a third event, and now Reclamation Algorithm: Fire Within the Sand has provided an expansion of the Sand Soldier/Old Isin section of Walk in the Dust story. Manticore gets some story time from that one too, which was nice to see.

A look at Beeswax getting to do her own thing more confidently might be fun, but then personally I'd be more down for something following adorably-precious Estelle who has been given snippets so far of her getting through her anxieties and dealing with that 'being seen as a battle goddess' moment. That IS2 mapping with the Archosauria trio was perfect, we need more.

Kazdel - This would be interesting since they only ever showcased it as cold, snow-covered ruins until that one scene in Episode 11 of the capital that repeatedly got destroyed and rebuilt. Most of the related cast are major players of the main story Act 2, whether as NPCs unlikely to join or Operators resolving certain threads and fates.

(Playable Closure is so close yet just out of reach...) Hoederer might be a good solo event candidate as a What the F... style interlude if we regroup with him in Episode 13. Or hey, Meteorite Alter please? She needs something after the whole 'traumatised by autopilot!Specter fighting' gag and her story with Firewatch... W Alter could be an Episode-related moment if that has any possibility.

Sami is going to be covered by IS4 and its coinciding vignette event for Typhon, Skógrinn Svartr Vill Einn Draumr. Aegir will likely be explored through the next installment of the Abyssal Hunters storyline.

We need events for Durin, Higashi, Rim Billiton and Minos for further explorations/catching up to other locales.

Seeing Croque and Deculture again would be great but not anything new Durin-wise so maybe we could have sleepyhead Durin visiting elsewhere. We don't particularly need a Myrtle Alter unless she's gonna be the Ultra-Super Flagbearer to show up Saileach...

So far Higashi has effectively been vaguely explained as doing their own thing and one additional loadscreen lore tidbit established how they curbstomped Ursus trying to invade. The recent Leaves Chasing Fire/A Flurry to the Flame Monster Hunter collab featured a rather isolated mountain village, as MonHun is wont to do. My picks for a lead would be: Matoimaru, Tsukinogi and Utage. Overlooked launch unit, niche Supporter, and cute gyaru needs justice for that damn module 'Talent'.

For a Rim Billiton event it could center on April and/or Savage; Ansel; Asbestos on her solo travels. Getting to the bottom of either the incident in Kroos the Keen Glint's past or Popukar's Lumberyard would be neat too.

And Minos - Sideroca or Perfumer Lena, I'd like. They need some appreciation. Rather little to work with compared to others, so yeah we really need some kind of story there.

[circusgoth-dotcom]

An Angel in Greasepaint

Ship: Sweet Tooth x Corey Wynona Ozbourne

Word Count: 1325

Summary: The first time Corey and Sweet Tooth met. After a massive internet blackout, the world has been thrown into an apocalypse, where it's every motherfucker for themself if you don't live in a protected city. Corey Ozbourne hasn't quite adapted to the new world, but Sweet Tooth is a natural. CWs for fainting, thievery/mugging (not described), brief violence, unsanitary mentions, murder mentions.

Tag List: @canongf @futurewife

A hazy sky and blinding sun swam before Corey’s vision as he lay in the not-so-middle of the Nevada desert, barely conscious as a handful of people rifled through his belongings. It had only been a few months since the blackout caused the world to shit itself, but it was easy to lose track of time. Factions were beginning to form between the like-minded individuals exiled from the walled-off utopias, reserved for the “peak” of what was left of society.

Currently, Corey was being mugged by Vultures, human scavengers who would take what they could get- either by happenstance or force. Luckily for them, it seemed the pale man with cracked glasses carrying nothing but a backpack had been out of commission for some time now. Easy prey.

Unluckily for them, they weren’t aware of the rapidly approaching ice cream truck until it was practically on top of them, a merry tune playing from the prominent speaker situated at the front of the vehicle. They scattered as bullets cut through the heat and pierced flesh, and they wouldn’t stop running until the driver of the ice cream truck was sure their vehicles were out of sight. As darkness crept at the edges of Corey’s sight, the truck came to a halt and the driver exited. The last thing he would see before he fully faded was the large form of what he swore was a clown.

When he came to, he was lying in a dusty hotel room, a metal fan weakly oscillating back and forth in the corner with a distinct squeak. His head felt as if it were stuffed with cotton, and for the moment all he could do was blink up at the strangely pink ceiling and absently trace the duvet under him.

“Oh good, you're not dead,” a rumbling voice dragged his attention toward the doorway of the room. There, an intimidating man dressed in a clown mask and a leather harness stood, carrying a large jug of water. “I have no idea how clean this is, but you should probably drink it.”

The clown approached the bed and helped Corey sit up when he realized they weren’t going to move on their own. As the jug was settled into their hands, they quickly fumbled to open it and began to chug. Once their head began to clear, Corey set it aside, gasping.

“If I’m not dead… then surely I’m hallucinating…” He spoke through laboured breaths. The clown laughed.

“I assure you, I’m the real deal. Sweet Tooth’s the name,” he offered a wide hand encased in a black leather glove, though the palm seemed stained by an oddly red substance. Corey hesitantly shook it and opened his mouth to respond, only to violently sneeze.

“Jesus-- sorry, ‘m Corey…” He sniffed, reluctantly wiping his nose on the back of his arm. He winced as he brushed against a fresh sunburn.

“Ooh, that’s a cool name. Like that one guy in that band. But anyway, forget that.” Sweet Tooth proceeded to sink into the end of the bed as he spoke, “What are you doing out here? You don’t strike me as very experienced, but you’re not a shitstain on the road yet, so you’ve gotta have something more to you than noodly arms and a bad sunburn.”

“I’m not. Experienced, that is. Don’t ask me how I’ve survived this long, I couldn’t tell you. One minute, I was stocking shelves in some shitty Midwest grocery store. Next, people were losing their minds because technology went to pot. I got on a bus somewhere and ended up out here. As you can tell, it’s not my natural climate.” He took another swig of the water, frowning.

“Hey man, at least you’ve been out in the world, experiencing things. I’ve been in a goddamn cell for most of my life.” Sweet Tooth clapped Corey’s shoulder amicably, which seemed to jolt him toward some sort of sense as an alarmed expression replaced his previous one.

“So, er, what’s with the get-up?” He tried casually, scanning the room for exits. Nowhere was safe anymore, and certainly no one could be trusted. Not even a strange clown man who saved you from being picked apart by vultures and gave you water of questionable quality. Sweet Tooth rose from the bed, cocking his head to the side and scratching at his ear.

“Y’know, it was just kind of something I happened upon.” He ran his fingers over his mask. “It’s the real me.” A pause occurred as he stared off into the distance, chest heaving slightly. Keeping his grey eyes locked on Sweet Tooth, Corey inched further down the bed, planning on sprinting for his life. They froze when he spoke again. “Besides, who’re you to judge, running around looking like a rejected Hot Topic model?”

Corey’s face burned, and for once it wasn’t because of the sun. “That’s really rude, dude. This makes me happy, don’t be so quick to judge-- I wasn’t trying to grill your appearance just now, was I, fucker?”

Sweet Tooth was physically taken aback, his hand falling on his chest. “Geeze… well, now I see how you’re getting by. That tongue of yours is a weapon on its own.” Even with the exaggerated mask, Corey could hear the grin in the clown’s voice. “Y’know, I could’ve killed you out there. In fact, I didn’t even know you were there, I was focused on getting those damn Vultures out of my territory, and maybe checking out what they were so interested in. Turns out it was just some dehydrated punk- you.”

There was a pause that made Corey bite his lip. He was on the edge of the bed now, mere feet between him and the doorway of the hotel room. What were his chances of surviving if he dipped now?

“Do you kill a lot of people?”

Sweet Tooth stepped closer to them. They could almost feel his breath behind the mask.

“What do you think, Corey?” He asked seriously.

They examined the man in front of them, with his blood-stained gloves and leather harness. He could break their back like Bane if he really wanted to.

“Yes.” They answered plainly. Sweet Tooth rubbed the chin of his mask in a thoughtful manner.

“I like you. Listen, I can’t guarantee you’ll be safe if you stick by me, but you’ll definitely learn a lot. And your risk of heatstroke will probably decrease. Probably. Oh, and this’ll sweeten the pot! Stay right here.” With that, Sweet Tooth bustled off, leaving Corey bewildered. They picked up the jug again, pacing themself as they drank away the aches in their body and waited for the clown to return.

When he did, he was carrying Corey’s bag. “I saved what was left of your stuff! Wouldn’t you rather stay here, in Sin City itself, with somewhat steady access to food and comfortable bedding, than to spend your time scrounging around, fighting with the Vultures on the road? Do you even have a car??”

Though they were still wary about Sweet Tooth’s intentions and sanity, they had to admit he had a point.

“We’re in Vegas?”

“Hell yeah! You weren’t too far from reaching the strip when you, presumably, collapsed.”

Corey weighed the options in his mind before finally sighing. “Well, you’re right about me not having a car… you’re sure there’s food here?”

“Plenty of stuff that doesn’t expire until next year! Though I might avoid the frozen stuff if I were you.”

“And you're willing to share your ‘territory’ with… me? A nobody who you would’ve killed without a second glance on any other day?”

“Take the offer while I’m extending it, pal, because that possibility isn’t necessarily off the table forever.”

“Alright. Thank you for the water, roomie.”

Sweet Tooth seemed to glow with the term. “Roomie. This is going to be so much fun! I can’t wait for you to meet Harold!”

[aincretop]

Feed on me You know I’m never far Feed off me Like a vulture on a deer hit by a car I can only do so much And of course it’s never enough I don’t think that you see Exactly what you’re doing to me

Don’t speak Don’t speak

Give me a reason to turn and run Give me a reason to burn this house down Give me a reason I wish you would I wish you would Wish you would

Give me a reason for disaster And I’ll be happy ever after Give me a reason I wish you would I wish you would Wish you would

So you try your best To get out of this mess But that’s just a joke You’ve never awoke To the sound of a mother screaming at night

Don’t speak Don’t speak

Give me a reason to turn and run Give me a reason to burn this house down Give me a reason I wish you would I wish you would Wish you would

Give me a reason for disaster And I’ll be happy ever after Give me a reason I wish you would I wish you would Wish you would

I wish you would Wish you would Wish you would Wish you would Wish you would

Give me a reason to turn and run Give me a reason to burn this house down Give me a reason I wish you would I wish you would Wish you would

Give me a reason for disaster And I’ll be happy ever after Give me a reason I wish you would I wish you would Wish you would

[Verse 1] What the fuck is this world runnin' to? You didn't Leave a message, at least I coulda learned your voice one last time Daily minefield, this could be my time by you Would you hit me? Would you hit me?

[Pre-Chorus] Oh oh oh Oh, ow

[Verse 2] All the bills go by and initiatives are taken up By the middle; there ain't gonna be any middle anymore And the cross I'm bearin' home ain't indicative of my place Left the porch, left the porch

[Pre-Chorus] Oh oh oh

[Chorus] Hear my name, take a good look This could be the day Hold my hand, walk beside me I just need to say

[Instrumental Bridge] (Yeah, ah) (Yeah, no) (Oh, ooh) (Ooh) (Yeah, yeah)

[Interlude] Oh-oh, oh-oh, yeah Oh-oh, oh-oh, yeah Oh-oh, oh-oh, yeah Oh-oh, oh-oh, yeah

[Chorus] Hear my name, take a good look This could be the day Hold my hand, lie beside me I just need to say

[Outro] I could not take, oh, just one day I know that I would not ever Touch you, hold you, feel you in my arms Never again Yeah-hey-hey, yeah-hey-hey Yeah-hey-hey Yeah-hey-hey, yeah-hey-hey Yeah-hey-hey Yeah-hey-hey, yeah-hey-hey Yeah-hey-hey Yeah-hey-hey, yeah-hey-hey Yeah-hey-hey

[kizzer55555]

(This is me, Scrolling through the reblogs of this post to combine the best parts into one story-ish thing at 2 am).

"Bet you i can fly around the whole world in 20 seconds flat"

"Oh.. ive been impaled"

"Did you know i can just take my head off. Whenever?"

"Dude can a guy just enjoy a milkshake! Just once please!"

"FRUITLOOP!"

"Jazz! The hotdogs are revolting! .. again!"

"I live and die for chaos"

"Boo"

" you really need to get a cat vlad"

" im gonna go watch the meteor shower From space"

“Oh why the fuck is the sky green again”

“If you eyeballs don’t stop popping up in my closet and trying to make me ghost king-”

“Wait, no, DaNI nOt ThE FaCE”

“i swear to aragon’s smelly dragon toenails if someone tries to use the nasty burger sauce as an explosive again i will LOSE IT”

“SORRY JAZZ CAN’T STAGE AN INTERVENTION IF I’M DEAD LMAO”

“i can’t believe hiding things in the walls backfired on me.”

“everybody do the flop-”

“FOR THE LAST TIME SKULKER I’M NOT GONNA LET YOU SKIN ME”

“hey remember when my evil future self tried to kill us all?”

“Oh, buddy, if you’re not scared of me, you should be.”

“oop, ‘scuse me, gotta go eldritch terror for a mo’“

“ah fuck i knew i should have made it more difficult to summon me”

“alright who the fuck is john constantine and why does he owe me his soul like twenty times over?”

“ooh, a gecko- shit, fUCK NOT A GECKO NOT A GECKO”

“i need to start charging for rescuing people from liminal spaces.”

“jesus fuck those are big teeth”

"Oh hey Fruitloop I thought you were-"

"No Cujo I can't play right now"

"Oh look. The vultures are back."

"Shit shit shit I thought I fixed that"

I feel that Tim is crazy enough to purposely stop his heart and have it restarted just to chew out his soul mate for all the shit he put him through.

Danny has had the words "please stop dying" since he was a kid. Before the accident it seemed very concerning. But at one point at his start of his Phantom career, he realizes with his friends that his soulmate's probably seen a bunch of phrases in their wrist by now. That's what pushes him to start using puns. To try to calm his soulmate.

During a live interview, Tim winces, and the interviewer immediately realizes what it means and offers condolences. Tim shakes his head.

"Nah, it's fine. They die all the time."

"...Excuse me?"

"They die. Over and over again. Their record is 6.2 seconds between deaths."

"How?"

"I wish I knew."

"What does it say now?"

Tim shows them. The camera zooms in on Tim's soulmark, which says "Testing testing, 1 2 3."

The interview continues, but then Tim winces again and he checks the soulmark. It changes on camera to "Holy shit, that worked. My soulmate is Tim Drake."

Tim's jaw drops, and he quickly covers it. He refuses to let anyone see it until the interview is over and he can look at it again in private.

At the next Rich Person Event™ Lex tries to question Tim about his soulmark because what does it mean if Lex's soulmark changes too?

Lex had never given much thought to his soul mate. Lionel had drilled into Lex from an early age that soul mates where a weakness men of business should not have, that Lex could not have. It was easy to convince himself that Lionel was right whenever he saw his soul mark “Aaah! Bogus!” Whomever uttered that as their final words was obviously not worth Lex’s time.

Lex felt almost relieved when he felt his soul mark burn, at least now he wouldn’t have the weakness of a soul mate for his competitors to try and use against him. Unfortunately for Lex is appeared his soul mate was resuscitated shortly after and his mark changed. Lex found “I refuse to die in a place like this” much more preferable to his previous mark, though he did find it odd that his mark seemed to slowly fade over time, perhaps his soul mate was dying, how tragic, anyway-

Little over two years elapsed before Lex thought of his soul mate again. Once more his mark burned,once more Lex breathed a sigh of relief and once more the mark changed. “I refuse to be weak” was now engraved on Lex’s skin, now much more vibrant than it had been since it first changed.

Lex thought little of it, people where revived from the dead everyday, perhaps his sickly soulmate died during life saving surgery and was brought back, not that Lex cared about his soulmate. But the mark kept burning, kept changing, the words etched on his skin changed nearly everyday, this was not normal.

Lex did his best to ignore his soul marks peculiarities just as he planned on ignoring its existence when he was a child but he couldn’t help but note some of the phrases that decorated his skin.

“Cheese and Crackers!”

“Oh I think you’ll soon find I get everything I want”

“Do we have a deal”

Lex finally got some answers to what was going on with his soulmate the day his mark changed to “Imagine my surprise when I find you, the second ghost hybrid his foolishness created”

Ghost hybrid? What did that mean? And how exactly did you create one? Lex tried to shake these questions out of his head, soulmates always brought trouble and they could betray you in the end. He knew the second he heard his mothers final words and found them written on his father her killer’s skin.

So Lex did what he did best when it came to his soul mate, he ignored them, he knew it would hurt less to never meet his soulmate than to be inevitably betrayed by them.

Lex through all his attention into strengthening LexCrop and convincing the public that Superman could not be trusted. An alien with no connection to earth should not have that kind of power, perhaps if Superman was a human things would be different but if Lex couldn’t count on the loyalty of a soulmate, he was not going to trust the loyalty of a random alien to a planet not his own.

Lex would have kept on ignoring his soulmate until that blasted Drake had to reveal his own soulmate was dying and reviving regularly, that Drake’s soulmates ability to die on command meant they could communicate with each other, that they could find each other.

Lex blamed Drake because his own soulmate had apparently gotten inspired or at least was annoyed into doing this because when Lex looked at his mark the next morning.

“Fine if it will get you to stop bugging me I’ll do it, Hello my name is Vlad Masters and I am your soulmate, happy now?”

No Lex was definitely not happy now.

Submitted Prompts #123

One of those soulmate aus where you have the last words your soulmate says to you written on you.

Each time Danny goes to his Phantom form, he technically dies.

Someone is very confused about why their soulmate would decide to say "I'm going ghost" on their deathbed.

Danny decides to make his identity reveal more dramatic by using his old catchphrase.

[dragonsblood-and-bones]

saw your reblog of the southern folk practices and ey!!!! another texan witch!!! if i can ask, what’s your favorite bit of texas flora or fauna?

Hey that’s so cool!! thanks for the ask!! There’s quiet a few that come to mind! Definitely the native species of opuntia, Texas prickly pear, is one of my favorites. Another one I love that is all over the outside of my house lol is trumpet vines. They’re cute little vines that flower hundreds of gorgeous little trumpet-shaped flowers that are yk usually red or orange. That makes me think of Lantana, I love this plant yall it’s like a little shrub and it flowers a bunch of tiny little flowers that are usually red, orange, yellow, or sometimes pink and they’re great for butterflies. Oh and pecan trees! I love pecans. And of course I love the spring wild flowers here so much, black eyed Susan’s, bluebonnets, thistle and blue violets. I do really love seeing some longhorns, they’re very friendly and gentle, it’s so cool getting up close and seeing how fucking huge their horns are yk. We also have a native species of tarantula, aphonopelma hentzi’s, the Texas Brown Tarantula! They’re adorable, they also show up in Oklahoma and Missouri. We also have those yellow garden spiders, jumping spiders, and a lot of beautiful orb weavers. I’m someone who loves spiders and has a lot of pet tarantulas so seeing all these little guys doing their spider things makes me happy. Now a lot of people get annoyed by them but I love the grackles, they’re such funny and interesting birds. Speaking of birds here I also love love love vultures and getting to see the turkey and black vultures up close. They’re so cool. Ooh and the bats!! All yall should go see the bat bridge in Austin it’s really something.

[psshaw]

Oh my god I'm going to cry.

So I do advertising as a job. And today I was asked to do one for one of those "CASH 4 YOUR HOME" companies. I have a lot of personal experience with these kinds of firms because we live in an affordable suburb in a city that's attracting growth. Lots of freaky evil people are slavering for the chance to buy our house for cheap, flip it, and sell it for three times what we paid-- or worse, rent it out indefinitely.

It's the desperation that makes them look predatory. They call us daily, send us misleading junk mail, and sometimes even text us pretending we've already met-- "Hey, this is Dave! You know... Dave. Just wanted to talk to you more about what it would take to get you out of your home!" Dave. If I wanted to line the pockets of a liar, I'd go buy electronics on Craigslist.

One time Colin told them "100", they said "really? Okay!" and he had to clarify "...thousand" to get them to hang up. WAIT WHAT 100 WERE YOU THINKING--

They call our parents and even my sister in Portland. Absolute vultures. I would pretty much rather burn down our house than give it to one of these gentrifying dicksquirts.

So yeah, I'm not happy to do this job. So while I'm half-assedly putting their copy together in the least engaging way possible, I also did a sloppy little variant as a joke between me and my boss.

And that makes me feel better. Self-expression fixes everything.

But I just realized I left their website tab open. And I'm like, y'know what? I wanna see how they justify this.

There's the whole "we revitalize your community!" shtick, which I imagine doesn't matter so much if you're moving away. And then there's the "us paying you money will mean you'll have money!" thing, which duh. It's a pretty thin veneer of positivity over what's essentially a coordinated land grab.

Ooh, you have success stories? Like this house that this couple owned for 40 years, but then decided they were "ready to downsize". I'm sure you only had to call them 30 or 40 times. Let's see what it looks like before and after you guys got your claws in it.

Aw, this is cozy--

AAAUAGHHHAGAHHH?? AHAHGHUUGHAHAHHH?????

AUGHHH????? AAAUUAGHHGHHH??????!?!??!

AAAAAGUGHHHHGHHHGHAHAGAHAGHGH???????????

THEY KILLED IT. THEY PULLED OUT ALL THE SOUL (AND SCUFF RESISTANCE) THIS HOUSE HAD. THESE ARE REALTY SNUFF PORN ENTHUSIASTS. THEY PAY $50K TO MURDER YOUR HOUSE AND TAKE PICTURES OF IT FOR OTHER SICKOS ONLINE. THEY PARADE ITS "GOOD BONES" AROUND AND LAUGH.

I feel like murder should be worth more than this. These people cannot have my house for less than 2 million dollars.

[chaoscontrolled123]

final song for rpm challenge month!!! @gavinnersroadie 's jagal finally gets a solo number (featuring me singing and jeering on top of an assortment of vocalsynths for a drunken bar chorus lol)

other songs in the series [x] [x] [x] [x]

[LYRICS]

(shh keep it down, this guy's gonna sing!) JAGAL: So you wanna call yourself a hero (hero!) Yeah I've never heard that one before You swore baby's first vow of iron (iron!) And you're thinking that you're ready for more

Lemme tell you it's a scary world out there It'll shatter every best-laid plan There's monsters and horrors and beasts to beware And worst of all your fellow man

Check out these scars! (ooh! ahh!) Oh I've killed a wyvern or two Don't give me that look! If you can afford it I'll cut out a deal for you

You're gonna get eaten alive out there Without a mercenary hand like me Your bones'll feed the vultures and the jackals, girl (your bones'll feed the vultures and the jackals, girl!) Unless you can pay my fee

Now I know what you're thinking, "I have to pay?!" Money talks, girl, I'm not your friend (pay up!) I'm not falling for the disney princess chivalry line Just tell me what you're willing to spend (what's disney?)

LUCYA: Well I guess I've got a little bit of money? JAGAL: Honey, that's a start but it's not gonna cut it LUCYA: I could help with your vow? I can make you some soup? JAGAL: Soup... (soup???) ...you drive a hard bargain, darn it (confused noises)

Don't get me wrong! (don't get him wrong!) I'm a fair and reasonable guy With a 90/10 split of the treasure, hey, Maybe I'll cash out before you die

Lemme tell you it's a scary world out there You're signing up for pain and misery (pain and misery!) I'll travel the world to save your friend But I'm not gonna do it for free (not gonna do it for free!)

Whoa, you're gonna get eaten alive out there Without a mercenary hand like me (mercenary hand like him!) Your bones'll feed the vultures and the jackals, girl (your bones'll feed the vultures and the jackals, girl...) Unless you can pay my fee!

[starsfic]

The kids take the time to learn what kinds of things young Brad enjoys doing, and each takes some time to take him out to do one of those things to help him feel better.

It was Louie who started it.

Sure, Huey had the whole Junior Woodchuck thing with Brad. But Louie could understand how exhausting adventures could be. While the rest of his family were practically bouncing off the walls after getting home from the latest trip, all he wanted to do was get a snack, take a shower, and curl up somewhere comfortable.

Like this.

“You like romantic drama?” Louie glanced over the back of the couch. On-screen, Angelica was screaming at Alex about how he had broken her heart over his mother in a hospital bed. Brad was peering at the TV with a look of wonder. “I’ve read them...”

“Yeah, but we call this a soap opera.” He patted the space next to him. “Way more drama.” Brad paused to consider this before hopping over the back in a move Dewey wished he could do. “Now, here’s what to know...”

Louie found himself spending the rest of the evening explaining the plot.

It was worth it to see Brad’s excitement.

Soon, the other kids followed.

Dewey discovered that, for all his elder self’s hatred of messes, young Brad liked crafts. He had even taught the blue triplet how to make masks, perfect for a play that he was writing. 

Webby was next, with learning how to sew bulletproof sweater vests. She oohed and ahhed over her new fashion as she sent Brad’s instructions to Daisy.

Huey was last. He had brought Brad to the library to get his updated library card and the duo was soon browsing the stacks. “Oh, here’s that ancient languages book,” he said to himself. He had been looking for that book for weeks. “Hey, Brad-”

He stopped when he realized that the ancient history section was empty of a certain vulture. “Brad?” Huey strolled through the nonfiction section, poking his head through the shelves. “Brad. Hey, Brad, I-”

He came to a stop in fairytales. Brad sat on the floor, clearly content as he flipped through a fairytales collection. “Hey,” he said, not sure what to do. He had thought... “You like fairytales?”

Brad stopped, looking embarrassed. “Granny thinks it’s weird too,” he admitted. “Since we spend so much time adventuring...” 

Something in Huey’s chest grew cold.

He sat down, setting aside his research book to curl up. “I don’t think it’s weird,” he said. “What’s your favorite?”

Brad’s smile was incredibly bright.

[crystalrose555]

Don’t make me slap you pt 14

DON’T FORGET TO REBLOG IF YOU WANT TO SEE MORE :)

“Aww, it’s so cute~”

“Woah, it’s really round and it bounces!”

“What is it?” These were the voices of the various students of RAD commenting at the bouncing seal following close behind Levi who groaned at all the sudden attention. His brothers trailed behind even further as more bold students approached them and asked questions about the mysterious animal. Asmo managed to break free from the group to stand by his brother’s side.

“Look at that, Mochi’s already a hit amongst the students.” “Yeah but that just means even more eyes on her. Her stealth mission has been set to ultra-hard now.” 

“Levi, you didn’t have to come. I could have watched Mochi on my own.”

“No, I’m the one who found out about her secret first. So, it’s my job to look after her.”

“Ooh Levi, look at you being so gallant, I would kiss you if your skin wasn’t so dry.”

Levi stared daggers at Asmo only for their attention to be pulled towards the panicked barks of Mochi who was surrounded by a group of curious students who began to poke and prod her from all sides.

“Oi, knock it off, ya bunch of vultures! Shoo!”

The crowd groaned and scoffed as Mammon shooed them off before turning to Levi’s direction.

“Hey, you better keep an eye on this thing before someone runs off with it!” He yelled out.

“Please, if anyone would run off with her, it would be you.” Levi flatly responded.

Mammon grumbled at his younger brother’s direction before gathering his books and running towards class. Soon, all the other students began to head their own lessons, leaving Levi and Asmo alone with an exhausted Mochi.  

“Alright, it looks like things have finally settled down, come on Mochi~”

“Wait, where are you two going?” Levi questioned.

Asmo just placed a finger to his lips with a wink and made his way down the hallway, leaving Levi to his own devices.

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Levi sighed as he clicked away on his laptop in class. Time seemed to drag on with each word given by his instructor and his wandering mind didn’t make it any better. In fact, he didn’t even realize that class had ended as Satan and Mammon calling out to him. He glanced up from his screen only to be shocked by their sudden arrival. His brothers shook their heads as he followed them into the flooded hallways.

“Seriously, Levi, if you’re going to zone out during class, ya shouldn’t have stayed home.” “Knock it off, Mammon. He has enough problems worrying about that seal running around in RAD. Seriously, why did you let her wander around on her own?” “FYI, Lord Diavolo gave the ok for her to explore RAD on her own. So get off my back!”

“Ok, ok, you must be pretty stressed. You’ve haven’t been this stressed since the concert ticket contest on Devilgram.”

Levi just grumbled as he trailed further from his siblings. Suddenly, an arm interlocked with his own and pulled him close. He yelped sharply and turned his head to see Mochi smiling up at him. 

“M-Mochi!?”

She pulled away from him to reveal herself dressed in a turquoise sleeveless sweater with a bright red ribbon around her neck. As his eyes trailed lower, he found her skirt that imitated the colors and design of RAD’s school uniform with red thigh high stockings and black flats. His gaze snapped back to her purple eyes as she gave a wide smile that made him blush. He shook his head and pulled her by hand to a side hallway out of the view of his brothers.

“Ok, I take it you don’t like my clothes.” Mochi claimed with a raised eyebrow and a confused look.

“No, I do, I mean, I don’t-” “Levi, breathe, you’re acting like I’m walking around naked.” “B-But you’re dressed up like a student, it’s no different than the plot to ‘I’m an alien adolescent student from another dimension��.”

Mochi rolled her eyes and gave a head shake at the sudden anime reference.

“And your point? These are the best clothes to wander around here.” “Yeah and it led to a whole lot of hijinks that led to the protagonist almost being revealed. Basically, your situation, Mochi.”

“Levi, I’ve done this before, this isn’t an anime.”

“Exactly, so you’ll definitely be found out if anyone sees you.” “Levi?” Levi turned his head to see Mammon and Satan walking towards them with curiosity painted upon their faces. 

“Sooo, are you going to keep holding hands or what?” Mammon smirked.

Levi’s eyes began to spiral at the thought of being put on the spot. He could swear that the hallway was spinning and turning inside out but he was grounded by a sudden yank on his hand. He looked back at Mochi who was shaking his hand eagerly with a huge friendly expression. “Thank you so much for the directions, I thought I was gonna be lost forever!”

“Uh, y-yeah, a-anytime...” “Levi, would you mind introducing us?” Satan asked.

“Oh, um, this is Mo-,I mean Mi-”

Levi bit his lip, keeping himself from calling Mochi by her alter ego. Satan’s eyebrow raised which made his own brow grow cold with sweat. His spiralling was ceased with a firm squeeze on his hand that drew him to Mochi.

“Don’t you remember, Upperclassman, I’m Marley!” She claimed with a bright smile.

She gently squeezed his hand once again, her expression softening to a gentle understanding gaze.

“Marley?” She repeated at a slightly slower pace.

Levi’s face warmed up as he gently gave a shaky smile, not from worry but from excitement. In that simple exchange, he had leveled up in Mochi’s mind. He gained a new achievement, her true name.

“T-That’s right, your name’s Marley.” He answered with a flushed expression.