#only three hours of driving on my learner's permit

[hopalongfairywren]

tumblr has the amazing ability to destroy your semi-good mood by putting an infographic about executive dysfunction that hits so hard you're suddenly reminded of how much life is about to fucking suck irreversibly.

[sadsoftserve]

Oc fact sheet

(because I'm bored and my brother did it. Please ask questions if you want...🥺)

Sabrina-

Her full name is Sabrina Charlotte Ashling

You know those alpha wolf memes? Those are her favorite. She has a shirt with one on it

What does she do when she can't sleep? Analyze the Ace Attorney series and write fanfic

Last time she slept she was three

From the ages of 5-10 she was in a hospital trying to figure out what was going on with her

Boom. That's when nightmare was discovered

Probably did the cinnamon challenge and won

Loves hot wings.

Sylvie think she's a washed up wanna be lawyer.

Know how Phoenix wright defended Edgeworth in school?

She did that too. But in seventh grade. She defended Parker.

That's how they met actually.

She met Bonnie at color guard the first day she went. Bonnie didn't want to be there, neither did she.

Now she unironically enjoys colorguard

She pays for Bonnie whenever Ms.cox takes them out to dinner after the games.

Her family is loaded. Not feenie loaded, but like a good amount of money.

She has a learners permit. And has enough hours to legally drive passengers around (suck it Sylvie)

Parker-

Her parents gave her to Percy because they didn't want to deal with ADHD

No fr

That's what they said.

Parker feels bad about it, but knows her aunt is better and cooler than her parents.

Percy is basically her mom

She said that herself (fanfic ref!!???)

Percy may be strict but she means well

Parker likes early morning cartoons, her aunt still has cable so she's able to watch them

Parker draws sometimes

She's really athletic

She's a Mundie (I know I probably mentioned an Epithet in the past. And in her outdated info card. But go with it.)

Parker has had to prove she's strong on multiple occasions to multiple people

Will infodump about anything

You better listen

She's made of facts

Just like her aunt.

She constantly has to monitor her aunts Hypoglycemia (because I'm applying that headcanon in the universe. Sue me)

Worried that she'll work herself to death.

Full name? Parker May-Lilly King. Yes

I'm dead serious

Bonnie-

The most traumatized girl you'll meet

No one knows her backstory

You wanna know??

Ask Ramsey

He'll tell you

Bonnie and Ramsey may have an uncle/niece relationship, but they act more like friends

Most of her childhood she was silent

The first time she spoke willingly she was 4

Now she won't shut up

She still has the little wooden snake her mom gave her all those Christmases ago

Hates the holidays because of 'the incident'

Gets really mopey and upset around the holidays actually

She likes fannels

She owns like six

Will willingly pick up a wild snake

Her hair is really curly. Like Molly curly.

She has an Epithet. But she's like Trixie. She doesn't know what it is, or how it works. It's only been able to manifest once.

Her full name is Bonnie Lynn Murdoch

You may be asking, "what about Dalia? Isn't she part of the group???"

Your right she is.

But she's not my oc. I have no place to give facts about her because she's not mine. Want facts @oddball-artz will give them to you.

[am-i-done-yet]

Sunday, 10/13/2024

So I’m a freshman in high school, and I have an older sister who’s a junior, but she’s yet to get her driver’s license due to some things with our father. But since we live with our mom now, she needs to get her license so that she can, y’know, drive. And so that she can drive me and her to school in the mornings and from it in the afternoon. Due to some things (again, with our father) busing isn’t available with us, so my sister being able to drive us home in the afternoon is pretty important.

My high school has a parking deck (two levels) that’s for just student parking, which is really nice, except that you have to apply for a parking spot at the school. It’s like a first come, first serve type thing where seniority gets priority. Well, that wouldn’t be a problem other than the fact that to apply for a parking spot, you need your license in hand by the beginning of August when school starts.

Because my sister was so delayed taking Driver’s ed, she just finished the classroom portion like a month ago, but in order for us to be able to have nine months of my sister having a learner’s permit (it’s required by law to have it for nine months, then you can get a real license if you’ve completed enough hours driving), she needs to take the test to get the permit right around now.

So my sister and mom get to wake up at 4:30 AM tomorrow in order to drive to the DMV, where they are going to stand outside in the cold for at least two hours to try to get a walk-in appointment so my sister can take her test.

You might think that’s crazy, and that they’re being over paranoid, but when we have this tight of a schedule, it’s pretty much necessary.

My sister does have an appointment at the DMV around three weeks from now, but that’s just a back up in case they can’t get a walk-in appointment tomorrow or my sister fails her test. (I really don’t think she will, but who knows)

But part of going to the DMV and taking the test to get her learner’s permit is my mom having some sort of proof of my sister living where she says she does. While most people would just use their insurance or something else of the sort (again, because of our father), that’s not possible for us. I was always on my mom’s insurance, while my sister was always on my dad’s. So while my mom could have just used her insurance for me, she couldn’t for my sister. Which lead us to searching up what forms of proof were accepted at the DMV.

I live in America. In the south, to be specific, so one of the acceptable ways of proof was a hunting/fishing license. I know, very southern. Well anyway, we were looking through the other options, and we were crossing them off the list one by one. (Girl scouts? Nope, never been one. Bank statement? Nope, our bank statements are digital.)

One of the methods was mail from an organization (part of the Girl Scout/Boy Scout thing), and my sister did have a lot of pieces of mail from colleges, so she decided to bring one as proof. Except we didn’t exactly know if that would be enough to prove residence, so my mom wanted another way to prove it.

I just want to say again that it would really make things tight timing-wise if we didn’t get a walk-in and my sister doesn’t take the test tomorrow, so we were kind of stressing over this.

And that lead us to go over the list again, until my mom realized something. It didn’t say that the fishing license couldn’t be new, so whose to stop my sister from getting a fishing license today as proof of residence? The only thing is, my sister is the last person you would expect to get within ten feet of a fish. So as you can imagine, it was kind of hilarious to think of my sister getting a fishing license. We had no clue what exactly was required to get a fishing license, but less than two hours later my sister and mom were leaving the house with my sister’s social security card and birth certificate to go to Bass Pro Shops to get a fishing license.

While I found it hilarious, my sister on the other hand, did not. She was kind of over it, and I was kind of making fun of her, but hey, that’s what sisters are for. And she’ll have a weird story to tell when she’s older. “I got a fishing license for a year so that I could get my learner’s permit”

Only later, after my mom and sister had come back with her fishing license, did me and my mom realize that we could have just printed out one of my sister’s bank statements.

…🤦‍♀️

We went through all of that for basically nothing. We just over looked the bank statement part because we were only thinking of what physically came through the mail.

We didn’t mention it to my sister, because we can’t really change anything now, but yeah, pretty dumb of us to not think of printing her bank statement.

[fasa-umich]

A Crash Course on Crashing Cars || Izzy Lamug, FASA's 2023-2024 Co-Culutral

So. You finally got your driver’s license, huh?  

Wait…no?? 

Nonetheless you’ve come to the right place! I for one am a very qualified driver. See for yourself:

MICHIGAN 

DRIVER LICENSE 

DOB: 02-16-2004

Isabelle-Leigh Changcoco Lamug

FASA Co-Cultural Chair

Troy, MI

Yup! So official, right?

Let me just say, you don’t actually need a silly license to get behind the wheel. I’ll give you a few pointers and you’ll be fine, trust! But if you don’t believe me, let me tell you about all the cars I (and others) have crashed…

Lesson 1: Driver’s Ed

You didn’t think we would be starting behind the wheel, did you? Everyone was a beginner once, and I definitely wasn’t always a master at crashing cars. 

Friday, August 20, 2021, Senior Year Band Camp!

Contrary to popular belief, I did not invent the car crash. In high school, I was a member of our color guard for three years (shoutout to the girls who somehow find this <3). During my last band camp, the guard was taking a group picture when one of the girls yelled out, “Let’s do a car crash!”

You might be wondering, how does one do a car crash? It’s actually quite straightforward. Whoever is positioned in the front and center of a group photo is your designated driver. They’ll take the wheel by two hands and steer the rest of your group in whatever direction they please. Everyone else must get into character and…well, crash! 

Lesson 2: Buckle your seatbelt

Nice! You got your learner’s permit. Now, it’s pretty easy to get ahead of yourself, so make sure you start by adjusting your seat and buckling your seatbelt. 

Starting college was a big step for me. I’m from Troy, Michigan, which is actually only an hour drive from Ann Arbor, but moving into the dorms and living away from home felt like getting my license all over again.

While, yes I grew up in a predominantly white city, it didn’t feel like it. I like to refer to my high school as a bubble, as its diverse student population and multitude of cultural organizations felt like some world of its own. The only catch was there was no sort of Filipino club. To make up for it, I found myself dropping by the Korean Club meetings and auditioning for a Bollywood dance team. I sought out solidarity among other minority students, but I never felt like I fully belonged. 

I saw joining FASA as my chance to finally find that belonging. By the time Festifall rolled around, I had been stalking FASA’s Instagram for the entire summer. I found their table, grabbed a flyer, and…that was it. No extended conversation, no putting my uniqname down…but no big deal, I was sure I would end up making new friends as one of the later events! 

I ended up attending FASA’s Mass Meeting…

And FAM/Lin Reveal…

And FASAPalooza…

And Halo-Halloween…

I thought I was doing everything right. 

Went to Fam/Lin and unknowingly met my future Co-Chairs???

Got sorted into the best lineage: Bathala!

But even though I was having fun and amazing conversations with people, I felt out of place. The connections didn’t stick outside of events and I wasn’t sure if that was on me or if that was just how things worked…and well, I was definitely feeling discouraged. It was really hard showing up to FASA events without knowing if I’d even have someone to talk to. 

Lesson 3: Check your mirrors 

After buckling your seatbelt, definitely check your mirrors. You’ll want to be aware of your surroundings. Don’t be nervous, you’re already behind the wheel!

If you’re feeling the same way I did, a bit awkward in conversations and floating around events, I promise you will find your way in this community. It’s never easy being in a new place (especially when you’re waiting for someone to let you into Couzens), but I learned to live in the awkward—to awkwardly embrace feeling uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable Decision #1: Joining two PCN dances—Modern Tinikling and Pagapir.  

Me and my twin at Pagapir 😋🤞

I had never danced tinikling before. I didn’t even know what pagapir meant, but JC, Bryson, and Caitlin created fun and welcoming practice spaces that I always looked forward to coming to. I met one of my closest friends, Miss Angelica Alpas, at pagapir practice! 

Uncomfortable Decision #2: Applying for the intern program

Working with board members and my intern class helped me feel more comfortable in my awkwardness—maybe not awkward, maybe just finding that acceptance in being myself. 

I think about this a lot, but I still remember taking the big group picture at Winter 23 FAM/Lin Reveal and calling out, “Wait, can we do a car crash?”

FASA’s FIRST Car Crash @ Winter FAM/Lin Reveal

It felt nice, you know, sharing a part of myself with FASA and watching people…enjoy it? Like it? It’s just a silly group picture, I know, but it made me feel really there (or something like that).    

Then you KNOW we had to run it back at the Intern Capstone.

Miss Erin Segui crashing 18 Roses

Then, of course…

Confident Decision #1: Running for Cultural Chair

Lesson 4: Start your engine 

Ready to get on the road? We haven’t even gotten to the fun part yet! 

The title “Cultural Chair” is a little misleading. You assume whoever holds the position is some kind of expert on Filipino culture—wrong. 

What makes the chair so special is that it’s all about learning. While you’re not an expert, you’re someone interested in something (perhaps…you might call this passion!), and that’s all it really takes. It’s not often (or ever) you dedicate a year of your life to studying the lifestyle (language, food, religion, social habits, art, music—the whole shabang) of Filipinos, and the opportunity to learn and share what interests you through events and workshops (entirely of your own design) is really just something special. Maybe you’re already fluent in Tagalog or have a dozen family recipes memorized, but no one knows everything (…surely?). I guarantee you will learn something that you have never heard of before. That alone is pretty amazing. 

So where do you start? Apparently in a Discord VC over summer vacation.  

moocow and silverbells67 in vc

Communication is key. Share your ideas. Talk out new and creative ways to show them. I like to think every Cultural Chair is drawn to the position out of a personal passion for something. In my case, I was interested in identity—its formation, factors that influence it, and how it represents us—but again I was (and still am) no expert. My coffee chats with my predecessors helped guide my ideas, but most of all, the long conversations between me and Philip (via Discord of course) are what brought them to their full potential. 

Lesson 5: One last thing!

You’re all set! Before you hit the gas, is there anyone you want to bring along?

Dear Philip, 

Thank you for being my co-driver. 

Our Buwan ng Wika Picnic!

Unknowingly, you’ve taught me so much. Where I’d approach leadership headstrong, you were always patient. When I took on more than I could handle, you’d lighten my load. If I ever lost sight of my love for our culture, your thoughtful care and insight would never fail to motivate me. 

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully express my gratitude for you, but just know…I am grateful for you! Our year as Co-Chairs is an experience I will always cherish and I will always consider you as a dear friend. I am so so insanely proud of everything we’ve accomplished together, and I know you will continue to inspire everyone you meet, just like you’ve inspired FASA, our board, and me, duh.  

Lesson 6: Crash and burn!

Fake it til you make it! You’re behind the wheel, show them what you are capable of!

Dear FASA,

Thank you for this. My goal as Cultural Chair was to build spaces that embody everything our community has given to me—a place to experiment, grow, and learn who I am in our culture. 

PCN was the greatest undertaking of my life thus far. Speaking to our theme, Who Are You?, I hope you all feel a little more comfortable with your answer, but I hope there’s still some uncertainty. Identity is a process. You’re always becoming who you will be, so I think it’s okay not to know.

I don’t think I’ll ever fully know who I am, but I know I’m different from whoever I was before, and I think that’s pretty cool. To that version of me, I promise to keep learning and growing and changing and becoming whoever we will be. 

Thank you for letting me take the wheel <3

To my passengers:

I’m sorry for putting your lives at risk

Angelica: I’ve always wanted a friend like you, and I am happy FASA brought us together. You’ve shown me what it means to be cared for, and I hope you know I care for you very much. Thank you for being my rock in this whole college life thing.  

Erin & Nate: meap. Miss Erin, I adore you <3 Nate, you’re alright. I look back fondly on our Tagalog classes together, that lumpia rolling night, and tinikling practices. You guys are my people, and I am grateful to call you my friends.

Estelle, Kate, Caitlin, Emily, & JC: Talk about leading by example. You all inspire me, and thank you for your guidance! My vision is thanks to all of you…seriously. You can’t have those deep conversations about Filipino American identity with just anybody, and I am thankful I got to share them with y’all :))  

Eun & Fran: Congratulations adings! Your passions and ideas will come together in unimaginable ways and I can not wait to see you bring them to life. Remember, you are resources to board, but at the same time, board is a resource to both of you. Make the most out of this opportunity <3

Kayla, Fran, Saarim, Marohn, & Ava: Congratulations to FASA’s first PCN Board :00 The conversations Philip and I had with each of you makes me so crazy excited! Thank you for being such lovely and welcoming members of our community, and I know you all will absolutely eat up this PCN AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! lol. 

Alyssa: Hi Ate Sa Sa. I hope you enjoy your retirement. Trotter hours are about to go crazy. 

Bryson: On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you to be here? (Fall 22 first tinikling practice reference in case you forgot)

Nicole: Maybe the real [REDACTED] was the friends we made along the way. 

Andrew: MC hide and seek champion right here

Philip: scroll up

Ate Mizzy: The OG Izzy, thank you for always letting me squish your face 🐢

Gabe: mew meow meow maiw? (where my hug at?)

Eli: It amazes me how you somehow liquify all the bones in your body. 

Therese: You’re so beautiful bro. 

Sofia: Throwback to when you ate it up as Regina! Or were you Karen? Gretchen?? 

Kendra: Your voice is so soothing. Also, I DO think you’re really funny.

Ash: What would you do if I murdered your entire family. 

Zainab: I just knew it would be a good year on board as soon as I saw you smash that boba at Rice Bowl. My respect for you is so insanely great (for reasons besides that moment, probably)

Taryn: HEYYYYY new cooooooooo ;))

Kayla: que luh. heh.

[takingitpersonally]

17-05-2023:

The day my driving licence reached home!

One of the things I did when I was sixteen was make a bucket list for when I would turn eighteen and one of the things I wanted to do once I turned eighteen was learn how to drive. Of course I did everything on my bucket list - you'd know if you knew me - including learning how to drive. But somehow I never got me a licence.

The company my father worked for then, had provided him with a car and a driver and Rajesh (or Jha-ji as we called him) was more than just help to us, he was like family. Upon my father's instruction, on non-working days, Jha-ji would take the car to the service lanes of Mayawati Girls' Inter-College and teach me how to drive that Maruti Esteem. I was a quick learner, as I'm sure Jha-ji would agree, and within a few days I thought I'd learnt it all. Over the next few months, the car Papa had was upgraded to a Toyota Innova and the thought of driving it had me thrilled! I would be allowed to drive only to very nearby distances and mostly to run errands and I remember it being the highlight of my days. So my parents helped me apply for a learner's licence and I was going to take the driving test six months later to get my permanent permit; life couldn't get any better. On one of those days, I remember taking a drive with two of my girlfriends to and fro the Greater Noida Expressway listening to loud music blasting on the car stereos and laughing along. Gradually driving became an escape from my life and I started sneaking the car out in the nights and taking it around familiar spots of my hometown, bearing in mind that I was to leave soon. It really felt like the best days of my life....... until it didn't.

It was almost July when it'd happened.

I snuck the Innova out of the garage driveway outside our home and onto the roads one late midnight and drove all the way to Delhi despite the numerous lectures I'd grown up listening to on the importance of safety amongst other things. I grew up in a household where it was considered too late to be playing outside once the streetlights were on. They always told me better because I was a girl and I rebelled thinking I knew better precisely because I am one.

But to err is only human, they say.

I met with a car accident at an ungodly hour in a place where Nirbhaya was making news headlines. More than death, the fear of my parents' wrath and the thought of getting raped had me shivering.

I conveniently forget all the other details of this story now but for the things that still matter to me; I'll always remember the sardarji truck drivers who helped me out of the driving seat window (the SUV had hit a divider and stumbled sideways, turning into a matchbox with all the glass on the window screens shattered and all over me); I'll also always look back at the patrolling cops who interrogated me thereafter and didn't ask to see my licence or complain to my family or even call in any senior authorities saying it happened because it was a female driving. I swear I've never been more grateful for sexism in my entire life... it was that morning that I realised how responsible I'm going to have to be for my own self.

Three days later, I had moved to a different city for college and it was another city three years later, my preferred mode of travel had obviously become public transport but however drastically Pune & Mumbai may have changed me as a person, I was still the same somewhere in my core and moving back to Noida saw a cathartic end to this character I thought I had to play.

A decade has gone by since and my father is nearing the age of retirement, been a couple of years that the companies he works for don't offer him a position with a car or a driver anymore despite his seniority - it could be that he tries to save the company some money - I am too grateful and formal to ask anyway but it has also been a decade of us owning a Fortuner which my family is worried about selling, it being a diesel-driven XUV. They're on the lookout for another car but these things take time as they should. I live in Siliguri now and whilst sitting in a farewell-anchoring meeting at college this afternoon, I got a call from a postman confirming my residential address so that the official driver's licence in my name can be delivered... my mother collected it and life came a full circle today.

[quotidian-oblivion]

‘He [Moriarty] sits motionless, like a spider in the centre of its web, but that web has a thousand radiations, and he knows well every quiver of each of them. He does little himself. He only plans. But his agents are numerous and splendidly organised. Is there a crime to be done, a paper to be abstracted, we will say, a house to be rifled, a man to be removed – the word is passed to the Professor, the matter is organised and carried out. The agent may be caught. In that case money is found for his bail or his defence. But the central power which uses the agent is never caught – never so much as suspected. This was the organization which I deduced, Watson, and which I devoted my whole energy to exposing and breaking up.’

Sherlock Holmes - The Final Problem

This indeed is the Final Problem.

As you all know, I am a deeply invested fan of the Sherlock Holmes books. I read my first one when I was around 8 or 9 years old. I based more than one English assignment on it. I have read the books more than once. I have also watched a couple episodes of the Sherlock Holmes TV show and the movie as well with Robert Downey Jr. and the other movie with Ian McKellen.

Needless to say, I am a fan.

But. I am not a fan of my fans. I did not Wet the Bed. I did not know Akubra Western Hats existed.

It seems, that with this confrontation, I have become a Sherlock of my own. Before, I was only a humble Watson. But even a Watson must grow into a Sherlock.

My dearest Detective Cygnus, time and time again, I have praised your profound detecting skills. Time and time again, I have backed you up in your investigation. Time and time again, I dedicated my time into scribbling in my red notebook with my purple pen, trying to find the pattern in the completely unsystematic assemblage of clues.

I appreciate that you have tried to cross me off the list. I do.

But it wasn't enough.

It seems that the real Aussie Anon, has become the Moriarty for the both of us. For all of us. For it has broken poor Iggy's heart. It seems that this Moriarty is far too good at limbo dancing for they have passed under the gazes of three Sherlocks. A spider at the centre of his web indeed.

*faces Cyg and puts my hands on her shoulders* Cyggie... you have good evidence. I am not denying that. But you forgot to do one very important thing with it.

Double-check it.

If you had done that, you would have seen that I was telling the truth all along. Let's double-check the evidence now. You still have my file don't you? Yes, here.

You had already told me about your unfortunate pain situation. And I sympathized with you. But look at the message before. It's me admitting that I am not asleep yet. Why would I tell the truth then go on tumblr and lie for five-days straight about it?

And as for the driving alibi...

The time listed there is roughly 3:30pm. I still have my learner's permit so I need an adult with me to drive and I was waiting for my mother to come back from the store she popped into briefly to check something out. Evidence by my entry in the driving logbook:

I drove for many hours that day. And I am a pranoid driver so I do not look at my phone while driving. (I don't let my mother look at her phone either.)

Now... is that evidence enough for you, Cyg? For you all?

*sighs*

This is the final confrontation, fellow comrades, fellow foe, and fellow Aussies. So let this be recorded in the addendum and the books as I swear with a hand on my broken heart:

I, Quotidian Oblivion-Void, am not the Aussie Anon.

*smiles* I am a simple detective on my ever-lasting mystery, searching for how I may bring joy to people's hearts.

*looks around at all of you in the room and the lurkers outside watching* It has made me ecstatic to have collaborated on this, my beloved mutuals, and even more ecstatic to have met new people. I am so very glad that this series has been a captivating saga for all of you to watch or take part in. Coming together with members from my family tumblrweed as well as their beloved friends has made me all the more happier. We must do this get-together again. Although... maybe in more... lighter circumstances 😂

The Confrontation

@igotthisaccountunderduress @quotidian-oblivion @gracefulchristiangirl @brb-on-a-quest @walkthruthewords @cygnusdoesthings @auroraofthesun1

It’s time.

So. I’ve gathered all of you here. Every single one of you- the ones we’ve had in this very room- have been integral. Have been… useful. Useful in one way or another.

I am a tired, old, worn-out detective. I have walked the worlds, walked the space in-between the lines. I have listened to gods themselves sing and scream. I am exhausted.

But I am determined.

Let’s go over who we have so far.

@gracefulchristiangirl . You are the original fishy anonymous, as seen by your post admitting it.

@brb-on-a-quest . You were the red herring, and your voice squawked it. For that, I thank you for your cooperation. You were the ‘passing information’ anonymous.

@mayamohini . You were the ‘advice’ anonymous. You were not at all secretive about that information. And for that, I thank you.

@foursixtwonineoh-pieces-of-lego . You were the binary anon. A late-comer, by all accounts, but still… stealthy in your own right. Your evidence has been documented by yourself.

@auroraofthesun1 . You were the Jury Anon, the one who sent an ask to ny friend, the IBSN number. The Serial Killer is Among the Jury. It was your friend, Evie, who outed you. Although we did have our suspicions.

The fishy anon #2, if such a thing exists, is still to be deduced, although we have our suspicions.

…

But only one of you, only one of you, is the original Aussie Anonymous.

And for that, I will admit.

Through blood and sweat. Tears and laughter. Astonished nights spent up, clenched fists in rage and headaches and typing and scrolling through endless upon endless pages..

My heart is broken. I am broken.

For it is @quotidian-oblivion who sent the ask.

[losingmymindtonight]

been on a for-your-own-good imposed exile from my phone & social media since Friday, so what’s a gal gonna do except eat pizza, reread The Inheritance Cycle, and finish old fic drafts?

I humbly present: Peter can’t sleep, but Tony’s a father now, and he’s got a few tricks up his sleeve.

--

Peter was okay.

He was. That wasn’t even him being self-sacrificing (like May thought) or deferring some kind of PTSD (like Tony thought) or anything. Most of the time, he was totally, completely, undeniably okay.

As a general rule, he just didn’t think about Thanos. He was too busy for that, with planning for his school’s Europe trip and patrolling and learning how to be a big brother to Morgan and resettling a whole apartment with May and rediscovering the absolute thrill of being alive along with the other fifty percent.

He had a good life, and considering everything that had happened, he was so, so lucky.

So, Peter was okay. Despite what Tony and May seemed to think.

He only ever had problems when the sun fell.

Vigilante by day, anxious wreck by night, he thought, more than a little bitter.

There was a bone-aching frustration that came with insomnia. He couldn’t sleep, but he was tired. God, he was so, so tired. His eyelids creaked, his face was tight and worn. Every inch of him was screaming for rest.

And yet, well, here he was: awake, staring at the ceiling, mind swirling down the inescapable drain of death throes and battle heat and the memory of his DNA vibrating apart.

He clenched his fists, then slowly pried them apart. His wrists hurt, yet his webshooters were comfortingly cool on his bare skin.

“Mister Parker,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. suddenly said, and Peter still jumped despite the fact her volume had been lowered and pitched into her softer night mode. “I apologize for the intrusion, but per my protocols, I am to alert Boss if you or Morgan are awake for longer than thirty minutes from the hours of 11:00 pm to 6:00 am. I thought it was only fair to warn you that he is en route to your bedroom and you should be prepared for his arrival.”

There was a time when an alert like that would’ve filled him with annoyance. A time when he would’ve met Tony at the door with a sharp reminder of, I’m almost an adult, I can take care of myself, on his tongue. Now, though, he just felt a dull splash of surprise.

“Mister Stark has rules for if I’m awake?” He asked the ceiling, blinking slowly at the smooth molding. It was different than the popcorn texture in his apartment. Probably easier to deal with when it came to painting.

As if on cue, his door swung open. A soft, yellowish bar of light flashed over his sheets and then collapsed in on itself with a distant click. Huh. So Tony thought that this needed to be a private conversation. 

“It’s called the Cradle Protocol,” Tony offered, and despite the fact that Peter hadn’t actually looked in his direction yet, he could hear the man’s smile in the warmth of the words, like curling into a fireside on a winter’s day. “You know, in case you were wondering.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Oh? Thought you spent most of your life wondering about pretty much everything.” His bedframe creaked as Tony settled down near his hip, and suddenly Peter didn’t have much of a choice but to stare up at the man, taking in the burn scars on his face and the gray in his hair and the quiet love in his eyes. “That’s what kids are best at.”

“I’m not really a kid anymore,” he whispered, but not a single inch of the words felt defiant. God, he wanted to be a kid again. He looked back on the moments he’d spent racing to adulthood and wanted to cry. Wanted desperately to hit rewind on all of it.

“All of us are kids, in the end,” Tony said, like it was the easiest thing in the world. “And you’ll be my kid forever. Sorry. No exchanges or returns on that policy. It is how it is.”

Tony’s thumb brushed soothingly over his cheek as he spoke, and the contact was rough and calloused and so intensely familiar that Peter let his eyes squeeze shut against it, swallowing hard.

“I don’t want to exchange it,” he whispered, and somehow he felt a little ashamed to admit it. Like he was rearing up against the order of things. Or, like he was admitting the truth in a space where untruths were expected.

There was a pause. Peter blinked his eyes open again, and saw that Tony’s gaze had drifted away from him. He was looking up at the headboard, soft curves of sadness mellowing his face.

Finally, he breathed, eyes tracing their way back to Peter’s own, gentle yet intense.

“Why aren’t you asleep, Peter?”

It was a redundant thing to ask, and both of them knew it. There wasn’t a person in the world who couldn’t guess the why of that question. There were probably a million different people all around the world staring up at a million different ceilings, all cold-eyed and shivering because of the same goddamn reason.

“I don’t know,” he lied.

Was it still lying if everyone knew that what you were going to say was a lie before it even left your mouth?

Tony just nodded, like those three words had told him everything that he’d needed to know. For all Peter could figure, maybe they had.

“Alright.” Tony patted his thigh through the blankets, then stood. “C’mon. Get up.”

It probably said a lot about him, or maybe more about his relationship with Tony, that he was already climbing out of bed even as he muttered a halfhearted, “where’re we going?”

“On a mission,” Tony said, gently tugging one of Peter’s oldest and softest hoodies out of his closet and pushing it against his chest. “Put this on.”

He did as he was told, tottering lazily into the hallway, too exhausted to do anything but follow.

“What’s the mission?”

Tony glanced back just long enough for Peter to see the corner of his mouth quirk up. “I need to put my baby to sleep.”

If he hadn’t been so goddamn tired, he would’ve picked up on the wryness in Tony’s voice. As it was, he blinked hard, brain whirring against the fogginess.

“‘S Morgan awake?”

The question startled a bark of laughter out of Tony. “God, Pete. I can’t believe you’re even managing to walk in a straight line right now.”

They were at the front door, now, and Tony snatched the car keys off of their hook in the entryway and ushered him into the cool night air. Cricket chirps swelled all around them. Peter let his eyes drift shut at the sound, then smiled when he felt Tony snag the edge of his sleeve, gently guiding him over the gravel.

“Ought to get this paved, huh?” Tony muttered, almost to himself, but Peter let the words fall over him anyway. “Would make life a hell of a lot easier when we got those summer monsoons. Plus, less of a tripping hazards for the kiddos, especially when they’re half asleep.”

“‘M awake,” he protested.

“I know,” Tony said, almost under his breath. “I’m working on it.”

Peter heard a beep as one of the cars unlocked, and he forced his eyes back open. They were standing in front of Tony and Pepper’s minivan, something which Peter still couldn’t quite wrap his head around. Tony Stark owned a minivan. Sure, it was a nice minivan, with leather seats and F.R.I.D.A.Y. installed and parking sensors, but it was still a minivan.

“C’mon,” Tony muttered, using the hand that wasn’t braced against Peter’s back to pull open the passenger’s side door. “Slide in.”

He let Tony manhandle him into the seat, even though he could’ve easily done it on his own. The exhaustion had stripped his stubbornness away. The only thing left was a yearning urge to be protected, cradled, loved.

It was good, he supposed, that those three roles seemed to be Tony’s favorites to fulfill.

Tony got into the driver’s seat, then double-checked Peter’s seatbelt twice before starting the car. He cracked the back windows, and the cricket chirps and nature swell mixed hypnotically with the buzz and hum of the engine. Peter closed his eyes and took a deep breath, turning his face in Tony’s direction when he felt the man’s eyes on him.

“You’re supposed to be looking where you’re drivin’,” he murmured, knowing that his smile was all drowsy and lopsided. He could feel them moving, though, so he wasn’t wrong.

“Nobody’s out this late.”

“Still need to stay on the road.”

“Oh, hush. I’ll take no driving smack from the child with a learner’s permit.”

He yawned. “Passed the test.”

“You sure did,” Tony murmured, pride warming the words. “I’ve got that picture that May took after hanging in my office.”

“I know.” A shard of longing pierced his chest. “Felt normal that day. Jus’ for a bit.”

He opened his eyes just in time to see guilt cascade over Tony’s face. Whoops. He really hasn’t meant to make his mentor sad. He was just loopy from all the sleepless nights, wading through the detachment weighing in his head. It was hard to stay conscious and keep his filter all at once.

“I’m so sorry, Peter,” Tony said, hands gripping the wheel so tight that his knuckles flashed white under the occasional streetlamp. “I wish I could take it all away.”

Peter just blinked. God, he was tired. His brain ached with it.

“You can’t.”

And Tony couldn’t. Peter knew that. Iron Man could do a lot of things, even survive the constriction of space, but he couldn’t void memories. Nobody could.

“No,” Tony admitted, and even through the fuzziness in his head, Peter found the wherewithal to be surprised, “but I can be here.”

Peter let his eyes drift shut again. Somehow, that was all the fixing that he needed Tony to do. I can be here.

That was it, wasn’t it? It was why the memories of Thanos rung so clear at night and pitched silent during the day. Because Peter hadn’t really been afraid of dying during the battles. He’d been terrified, horrified, by the thought of being left alone.

And at night, in his bedroom, walls and doors and locks between Tony or May or anybody else who would stave off the quiet, that fear was so much easier to taste.

He was so, so afraid that at the end of it all, he’d been irreversibly alone.

“Can you talk to me?” He whispered.

He just wanted words. Something substantive in the nothingness of night. And Tony was only ever speechless when there was something to be afraid of.

He’d... He’d been silent when Peter had died. Had been silent after he’d done the Snap, too. The look on the man’s face, the lack of speech in the haze, had rung in Peter’s nightmares ever since.

He could hear the roughness in Tony’s voice when he responded, and Peter couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking about his silence on Titan, too. If he even remembered the stillness from the Compound’s dust.

“Of course, buddy.”

And he did. He talked about Rhodey and college and the first time he met Happy. Peter found himself drifting in and out as he rambled, although he never seemed to fully wrap his hand around true sleep. He’d nearly get there, Tony’s words fading into something he couldn’t quite comprehend, and then he’d recognize the shift and jolt himself out of it.

Somehow, it was even more frustrating than what he’d been doing before. At least then, he’d known he wasn’t going to get any sleep. Here, it kept dangling in front of him. And to make it worse, every aborted attempt at sleep felt like a failure. Like he’d screwed it all up, despite all the effort Tony was putting into helping him.

“Sorry,” Peter suddenly muttered, blinking away his most recent near-rest. Tony fell silent. “Sorry, sorry.”

“Shh, Pete,” Tony soothed, right hand abandoning the steering wheel and settling on his arm. “It’s not your fault. We’ll get there.”

“‘M trying.”

“I know you are. You’re doing great.”

For a breath, Tony just rubbed Peter’s arm, breath and nature filling the car.

“I used to do this for Morgan, you know,” he finally said, voice low. “Learned it within the first month. Think I must’ve put a thousand miles on the car, driving around just for some precious minutes of peace.”

“Ben used to drive me around when I was little,” Peter mumbled, twisting until he found a comfortable position: draped over the center console, head just inches away from Tony’s elbow. The console was leather and padded, which made it a surprisingly good pillow. Plus, he was close enough to pick up the steady thrumming of Tony’s heartbeat. “I didn’t like sleeping after my parents died. Car always worked, though. Dunno why.”

Tony’s hand settled on the top of his head, and a swoosh of comfort whisked from that one point all the way down to his toes. “It’s the vibrations from the engine. Low frequencies make us tired. It mimics the sensation of being rocked to sleep.”

He smiled. Trust Mister Stark to turn anything into a physics lesson. “‘S science,” he muttered.

Tony’s thumb swiped over his temple. “It’s science,” he repeated. “Do you want another story?”

Hmm. Yes. And he wanted Tony’s hand to stay right there, too. The tips of his fingers kept brushing over the nape of his neck, and the pattern was nice. Slow. The kind of monotony that was so easy to get lost in.

“Mm.”

“How about a special one?”

“Mm.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” Tony said, laughter in the words. He sounded pleased, though. Peter was too busy falling asleep to figure out why. “Y’know, I never went to Queens much when I was a kid. Howard wasn’t a big fan. And then I didn’t have much of a reason to go once I was an adult. Everything I needed was in Manhattan or Malibu. Point is: imagine how surprised I was when a web-slinging vigilante actually forced me out there…”

Peter drifted off long before he could recognize that the story was about him.

--

Peter half-surfaced to the quiet thud of a car door opening, and the crunch of shoes on gravel.

It wasn’t the usual way he woke up. He’d gotten used to jolting into consciousness, sweat slicking his trembling limbs and damp sheets snarling all around him. It was a violent thing, full of heartbeat and rib-ache.

But this was soft. Warm. Safe hands slid under the back of his neck, his seat tilting back until he was lying almost completely flat. On instinct, his eyes flickered open, and he grinned sleepily at Tony, who shushed him in a barely-there murmur.

“Nice and easy, Pete,” Tony said, voice warm and safe and already blurring. “Now be a good boy and go back to sleep.”

And for once in Peter’s life, it was as simple as that.

[wastefulreverie]

DannyMay20 Days 19/24: Doors/Mask

sequel to you’re bound (but so free)

Word Count: 5768

Danny was more nervous than he would care to admit. Sure, this was the fourth royal ball under his rule, but there was so much that could go wrong. Between his staff's insistence that he open the ball with a speech, the difficulties he'd already encountered with catering (seriously, how hard was it to serve purified ectoplasm?), and the strict dress code Lady Feiyan had taken upon herself to set... he was not feeling at all confident.

To make matters worse, it was going to be his parents' first endeavor into the Ghost Zone. He'd coached them as best he could on what not to do during the ball, but they could be dense sometimes. The last thing he needed was for them to insult one of his ambassadors and throw the entire party into turmoil. Or worse… find out that he was Phantom.

Still, he'd made it through tougher situations. He just had to stay on top of things before they inevitably spiraled out of control. That wouldn't be too hard, right? After all, Jazz said everything would be fine! He prayed to the Ancients that she was right for once.

With minutes to spare, he managed to corral his parents into the Specter Speeder. They'd been a bit put off that he knew how to drive it—especially since he didn't even have a learner's permit—but he'd played it off.

"I don't always have time for a ghost to escort me around the Ghost Zone. So, I figured out how to drive it myself. It's about as easy as my space shuttle games—"

"Those are still games, Danny," Mom reminded him.

"Yeah, but I've never crashed it, have I? You've never even noticed I've used it. So clearly, I know what I'm doing."

"He's got a point there," Dad pointed out. "Take it away, Danno!"

Mom's eyes widened. "Wait, let me buckle—"

Once they'd all found a seat, Danny slammed on the brakes. Initially, he'd wanted to take his time flying to his palace to give his parents a better look at the Ghost Zone before the ball, but they were short on time. He'd planned to leave half-an-hour earlier, but his parents had spent so long getting ready that it was essentially the eleventh hour. He couldn't blame them for fretting so much since he'd been the one to drive up their anxiety in the first place. He'd ranted about Lady Feiyan's stupid dress code five too many times and now his parents were convinced that they had to dress to the nines. In reality, the dress code wasn't that important—Danny just found it so ridiculous that it was impossible not to rant about.

Mom was dressed in a dark blue, chiffon dress that stopped above her ankles with black flats. Her hair was put into an up-do and for the half-life of him Danny couldn't figure out how she managed to pin up such short hair—but it worked. To top it off, she had a black masquerade mask—compliant with the dress code—that curved over her nose and loosely framed her indigo eyes.

Dad, on the other hand, wore his finest and only suit. He'd had to get it dry cleaned after Vlad had dirtied it at the college reunion all those years ago, but it still fit him quite well. His navy tie complemented Mom's dress and his mask was nearly identical disregarding the size. It was jarring to see him outside of his HAZMAT suit considering he wore it everywhere. Sometimes Danny was even convinced that it was melded into his skin like his own suit was in ghost form.

Alas, it was a welcome change to see Dad all dressed up with Mom. Maybe he could convince one of the ghosts to take a picture of all three of them before the night was over. Not that they could show anyone, of course. Danny was dressed in his stupid royal garb, which was really just his fleece cape, ring, and crown. Normally he'd wear them over his HAZMAT suit but since he was attending the ball in his human form he was donning a plain white dress shirt and black slacks. Of course, since it was a masquerade ball—which was another of Lady Feiyan's ideas—he had a minimalist green mask that didn't distract from his crown.

"Do you really have to go so fast, sweetie?" Mom asked. Danny had just taken a sharp turn to dodge a floating island, which in retrospect it would've been okay to fly straight through it since he was human at the moment. Still, he was expected to make the opening remarks soon and it wasn't like they could start the royal ball without the Ghost King himself.

"Sorry, but we're really short on time. If you guys want to sightsee, I'm sure I can take it slow on the way back."

"If we're not too tired from partying!" Dad nudged Mom in the ribs. For a moment, Danny's mind wandered somewhere beyond his consent and wondered if it was too late to fully die.

Mom pursed her lips. "How long do these things usually last?"

"I don't really keep track of time. It's never really easy in the Ghost Zone, but I'd say anywhere between three to six hours?"

"That isn't too long! Back in college, Vladdie and I would go to these frat parties and—"

"Dad, please stop there."

The last thing he needed tonight was to be thinking about Vlad, who was fortunately banned from ever setting foot into Danny's palace and consorting with any members of the royal staff. Back when Danny was first named as Ghost Prince, Vlad had lost his shit and had attempted to seize the Ring of Rage and manipulate the Fright Knight. Upon learning that Danny was heir to the throne, the Fright Knight quickly switched sides and teamed up with Danny to take Vlad down. It'd been a bitter victory but Vlad hadn't tried anything since. However, Danny couldn't help but wonder if his trust in the knight was misplaced after the incident in his kitchen. For the time being, he was on royal probation and demoted as Danny's advisor until he proved that he could be trusted not to blow his secret.

Soon enough, Danny parked the speeder right outside of his palace. Some of the guards seemed a bit alarmed, as did some of the guests pouring through the main entrance, but he waved them off through the windshield. Before throwing open the doors and entering the palace, he turned to his parents for one last run-through of what they'd practiced.

"Alright, what are three things you never ask a ghost? Go!"

"How they died!" Dad burst.

"What their obsession is," Mom added.

He nodded. "And?"

They both thought for a moment before Mom broke the silence.

"How powerful they are?"

"Yep! Now, what are you not supposed to do during the ball?"

"Drink the ectoplasm, announce that we're ghost hunters—"

"Go through any doors, talk with the Box Ghost—"

"Don't ask questions about Phantom, don't do the Macarena—"

"Avoid any and all ancient politics, especially Caesar—"

"And never audibly make a wish," his parents finished in sync.

"Alright, I think you guys are ready. Now," he held open the door to the Specter Speeder, "let's get this party started."

As soon as they passed through the threshold of the main hall, Danny was whisked away by some of his guards, and Maddie and Jack were left alone. Maddie was a bit put off by her son's abrupt departure but decided not to dwell on it in lieu of taking in the lively scene before her.

The dull exterior of the palace paled in comparison to its grandiose interior. It almost reminded her of castles that she'd read about in fantasy books, with ceilings so high that you could only look up and find darkness. There were hand-carved pillars decorated with skulls and iridescent drapes that appeared to catch the light of nearby ghostly auras.

Across the throng of ghosts donning masks similar to her own, there was a massive throne made from some kind of glossy black material—obsidian?—and suspended on a platform nearly ten feet above the floor. Maddie couldn't see how sitting on that could ever be comfortable, but Danny had once mentioned off-handedly that he'd made a few 'modifications' to make it much more tolerable. Maybe he'd fitted a cushion to it that blended in with the throne? She'd have to ask him later.

The ghosts themselves were much more varied and jubilant than she had anticipated. Maddie had expected to encounter the standard humanoid ghosts that had once invaded Amity Park, but many of the ghosts were far from humanoid at all! Among the crowd, she could pick out yetis donning blue kilts and headdresses that disappeared into their tufts of white fur. Meanwhile, three seven-tailed kitsunes—each brown with white coats—chased each other above the crowd. Maddie could faintly make out wreaths of red flowers and ribbon hanging from their necks.

What was really interesting was that each respective group wore some kind of mask, respective to their own culture. And to think that only a month ago Maddie had dismissed the idea of ghosts having the intellectual capacity to form separate cultures! Ultimately, she was grateful that she had learned Danny's secret and that he'd set her straight. The last month had been difficult in more ways than one, but Danny had taken the time to debunk each and every one of her misconceptions about ghosts. Now that she was actually here, in the midst of it all, she wondered how she had once been so ignorant.

"It's breathtaking," Jack marveled.

"It really is."

Near the front of the hall, someone played a trumpet. The crowd surged forward and Maddie did her best to stay by Jack's side in the chaos. Some of the ghosts took to the air to get a better view of the throne, which helped clear the floor and give Maddie a better vantage of the platform where her son was now standing. There was a tangible air of confusion among the ghosts when Danny waved, but it immediately dissipated once he cleared his throat.

"Ghosts and Ghouls, Spirits and Souls… I welcome you tonight to the tri-annual royal ball. Among others, I would like to thank Lady Feiyan of the Imperial Province for organizing this event and for all her hard work ensuring that everything runs smoothly. Uh, we have refreshments along either side of the hall so make sure to sample some of the ectoplasm. We also have a great assortment of musicians, including by much popular demand, popstar Ember McLain." If Maddie hadn't known better, he'd just rolled his eyes—but she was much too far away to tell for sure. "Feel free to mingle with some strangers and just have an all-around good time. Thanks!"

He stepped off the edge of the platform and Maddie had to stifle a gasp. Rather than careening to the floor, Danny easily drifted down with a grace only reserved for ghosts. She'd suspected that the physics in the Ghost Zone were inherently different from Earth's, but seeing it in action was a whole other phenomenon. Was the force of gravity less here? From what Danny exhibited, that was the only solution. However, it didn't feel any different than it did on Earth to Maddie. Maybe the offset in the force of gravity was subtle enough that she didn't feel it when walking, or maybe the force itself was inconsistent! That went against everything in the textbook world of physics. Oh, this visit was already revolutionary!

Behind her, someone coughed. She turned and found a humanoid ghost with mint skin and chalk-white hair. They were wearing some sort of red patterned pantsuit, which only clashed with their green complexion. When Maddie found their face, she had to do a double-take. Like everyone else, they had a masquerade mask... except theirs was fit for a face with four eyes.

"Excuse me, are you the King's human parents?"

She exchanged a glance with Jack who was just as baffled. "Yes?"

"Oh, excellent! I've never met any humans—this is just so fascinating! I'm Xerin, you could call me a bit of a bio-enthusiast. Humans shake hands, yes?"

They held out both their hands to Jack and Maddie at once. Reluctantly, she accepted the ghost's cold grip and released.

"Wow, your hands are both so warm! I've heard that humans are warm-blooded, but it never occurred to me exactly what that meant. Is it true that your blood is regulated by your circulatory system?"

She didn't know what to make of this ghost. Their interest in humans wasn't exactly flattering, but in a sense she figured it was ironic. She and Jack were very much interested in ghosts the same way that Xerin was allured by humans. Who would've thought?

"Yes!" she shot them a smile. "Our hearts pump blood through our veins. In a sense, our hearts are similar to how your core would maintain ectoplasmic circulation."

"You know, Mads and I would be happy to answer your questions about humans if you answer some of ours about ghosts," Jack offered.

Xerin's eyes widened. "Really? Oh, that would be great!"

"Well, we are biology experts on top of our ghost research."

Jack laughed. "I think that's a little considerate, honey. You're the biology expert, I'm just a guy with a knack for engineering."

They talked with Xerin for quite some time. Maddie learned that unlike most ghosts she'd previously encountered, they had been born in the Ghost Zone which made it difficult to visit the human world without destabilizing. Ghosts that had died with an anchor in the human world—a corpse, she assumed—could cross between the worlds with ease. Of course, there were always loopholes for ghosts without anchors to stay energized in the human world. Sometimes ghosts would prey on emotional energy or artificially charge themselves with ectoplasm, but most preferred to stay in the Ghost Zone.

Xerin themself longed to visit the human world one day but had no means to keep themselves stabilized. Hmm… maybe she and Jack could invent some kind of device that energized born-ghosts just enough to stay stable. Although, it would be catastrophic if something like that fell into the wrong hands.

"So is it true that the human world has—what is the word? Oceans?"

"Oh yeah," Jack said, "oceans actually make up most of the Earth."

"And—and you travel the oceans by boats? Water vehicles?"

"Well, you can. These days when most people want to travel across the ocean quickly they go by plane, but boats are still pretty common. Have you ever heard of a cruise?"

As Jack explained the mechanics of different types of water-travel, Maddie allowed herself to glance around the hall. Many of the other ghosts were conversing and dancing. Up on the platform where Danny had made the opening remarks, a band was playing what sounded like traditional folk music.

Along the opposite wall, ghosts lingered near the refreshments table. She spotted Danny tagging along with a group of humanoid ghosts. They didn't seem particularly starstruck by him like the other guests, so perhaps they were friends of his? One ghost—a slender man in purple robes—passed Danny a chalice of ectoplasm. At first, she saw Danny politely refuse the drink. When the ghost continued to insist, Danny shot a fleeting look over his shoulder and accepted the chalice. His friends raised their own chalices to him and Maddie watched in horror as Danny downed the entire glass of ectoplasm. Pure ectoplasm! What was he thinking? It would burn through his body faster than any acid! He needed his stomach pumped and now!

Before she could think, Maddie threw herself into the crowd of ghosts to try and reach her son. Behind her, she heard Jack call her name. As tempting as it was to fill him in, she didn't have any time to lose. By the time she made it across the hall to the refreshments table, Danny and the group of ghosts had vanished back into the crowd. He could be anywhere by now. What if he fell in the middle of the floor and—and—

Stop. Focus, Maddie.

Why did he drink the ectoplasm? He knew it was poisonous, he warned her as much! Maybe he had reason to believe that it wouldn't be poisonous for him because he's the Ghost King? Maybe the properties of his crown and ring protected him from poisoning! But why would he want to drink it? It's not like it would taste good to a human!

Now that she thought about it, it was unlikely that he was in any real danger. He was the King—if he showed any indication of being hurt, the ghosts would drop everything to help him. Well, at least she hoped. Still, that alone didn't change matters.

Maddie wanted answers and she wanted them now.

She spun on her heels and entered the crowd once again. It shouldn't be so hard to find Danny among all these ghosts, right? He was wearing a glowing crown for fuck's sake!

She spent five minutes scouring the main hall for Danny when she caught a glimpse of a green masquerade mask in her peripheral vision. The figure slipped into a side corridor before she could get a proper look, but she had a gut feeling. Maddie broke into a run and called his name. Her pleas didn't do her much good since they were easily drowned out by the current singer, a blue-haired ghost who had once posed as a popstar in the human world.

Finally, Maddie reached the corridor and stepped through the threshold. It was dimmer than the main hall due to the lack of ghostly auras, but she could still see quite well. The walls were lined with green torches and purple drapes, which were less impressive than the ones in the hall but still stunning. Every twenty feet or so, there would be an ironclad door… which spelled bad news for Maddie.

The corridor stretched out so far that there was no way the figure had made it to the end before she entered, so the figure—if it was Danny—had entered one of the doors. The first problem was that there was no telling which door it had been; the second problem was that one of Danny's only rules had been not to go through any palace doors. But if she wanted to find her son, she'd have to make that sacrifice. After all, he'd already broken one of his own rules by drinking ectoplasm in the first place! Fair was fair.

(At least she told herself.)

Maddie took a steadying breath and approached the first door on her right. It was a regular iron door, definitely not one that she'd find out of the ordinary if she approached it in the human world. Well, maybe a little considering that it was iron. There was a slim chance that there was anyone behind this door, but she didn't let that quell her hope. She wrapped her hand around the handle and pushed.

The hinges of the door creaked as it swung inwards. From what she could tell, the room behind the door was some kind of storage room because there were artifacts nested on shelves and tables as far as the eye could see. Hesitantly, she stepped through the door to get a better look at the room, to see if Danny was somewhere beyond one of the shelves. In retrospect, she should have just called out and waited for an answer because as soon as she let go of the door, it slammed shut behind her. And for some goddamn reason, the ghosts that had designed this place had the audacity to forget to include a handle on both sides of the door.

She was trapped in this room.

It wasn't like this was undeserved. After all, Danny had warned her not to open any doors and now she was stuck. Just great! How knew how long it would be before she was found? The last time Jack had seen her, she'd run off into the crowd with no explanation! And she still didn't even know where Danny was!

Ugh, could this situation get any worse?

She turned to the nearest shelf of artifacts to see if there was anything that might be able to open the door. A crowbar would be really handy right now. Then again, this was a millennia-old palace full of ghostly apparatuses and the chances of finding a crowbar in this room were next to none. In her search, Maddie found what looked like an old sundial, several scrolls of parchment, and a Rubik's Cube of all things. There were other objects, peculiar ones that she couldn't put words to and decidedly ignored them. She'd seen enough horror movies to know that playing with mysterious instruments never worked in anyone's favor.

Ultimately, what caught her eye was a grand tapestry that spanned the length of a full wall. Upon closer inspection she realized that it depicted Phantom of all ghosts, which was odd within itself because Danny had insisted on his behalf that Phantom was a young ghost—not older than three-years-dead. That was about all that Danny had told her about Phantom, besides that he was a good ghost and that it'd be best for everyone if she avoided discussing him at all. Apparently, he had a very controversial reputation in the Ghost Zone, and even mentioning him could throw the ball into pandemonium. She figured any ghost that barred its own kind from the human world wouldn't be very popular among other ghosts.

So it was curious that this tapestry appeared to depict Phantom fighting what appeared to be a faceless shadow ghost. She traced her thumb along the silver and black embroidery and looked from side to side. From what she could tell the tapestry appeared to be some sort of timeline of Phantom's accomplishments. Intrigued, she followed the tapestry to the beginning…

The first picture depicted a young boy entering a tunnel. Below the image, there was a short inscription that read 'the bridge between worlds'—a portal, perhaps? Maddie moved on to the next picture in the series. It showed the black-haired boy being electrocuted—blue strands of thread ripping through his body and jetting upwards. The same image showed him stepping away from the tunnel as a ghost, as Phantom. This time, the inscription below read 'halfa-born'.

Had Phantom died in a portal? That couldn't be right… Danny had said he was no more than three-years-dead. She had finished her portal three years ago. Was this suggesting that Phantom had died in their portal? If so… who could he possibly…?

On closer inspection, the boy in the portal had both black hair and blue eyes. The pieces fell into place and suddenly her brain filled with static.

Danny wasn't a ghost. Surely, this was nothing more than a coincidence, wasn't it? She'd seen him bleed, eat, and grow! Those were all human nuances that ghosts physically couldn't emulate!

Maddie shook the thoughts from her head. She was being ridiculous, surely the tapestry would show that Phantom and Danny were two separate people. So, she turned to the next image in the series.

Phantom stood in a fighting stance, wielding two ectoblasts in each fist. Furthermore, twin halos were encircling both his upper torso and waist. Between the two rings, the weaver had stitched what appeared to be a human heart, captioned 'a foot in both worlds'.

Well, that did little to dissuade her gnawing theory that Danny was Phantom. She bit the inside of her cheek and tried not to think about it because if she thought about it, she would only convince herself that it was true. It couldn't be true. She'd hunted Phantom, she'd sworn to impress inhumane forms of torture on Phantom! He couldn't be—couldn't...

Pull yourself together. This is madness! The tapestry is just figurative, isn't it? The caption 'a foot in both worlds' was hinting Phantom's loyalty to the human world.

Right.

Just figurative.

She looked on and saw that the next series of pictures depicted Phantom battling a wide range of foes. Among these pictures was the first picture she had spotted of him combating the shadow ghost. The progression of images eventually led to his battle with the former Ghost King, Pariah Dark. Danny had told her about the ghost's valiant effort against his predecessor and how he'd stepped in at the last moment to deal the final blow. Contrary to this, the tapestry omitted Danny's involvement in the fight at all. Or so she thought...

Once Phantom had locked Pariah Dark away in his sarcophagus, the picture detailed him falling to his knees. The next picture revealed Danny in his place, wearing both the Crown of Fire and the Ring of Rage.

Below the picture, the inscription read, 'The Rise of King Phantom'.

Maddie stepped away from the tapestry.

That confirmed it, didn't it?

Danny was Phantom. Not only had he lied about becoming the Ghost King, but he'd also lied about becoming a ghost! Some kind of half-human, half-ghost thing!

She hadn't even realized that she was crying until she felt the tears well up inside her masquerade mask. Disgusted, she discarded the mask and left it on the floor.

She was such a fool! An idiot! She'd actually believed that the Ghost Zone would allow her human son to become their ruler!

How was she supposed to feel about this? Was she supposed to accept that her son wasn't wholly human anymore? She wanted this to be reversible, but how would she essentially un-kill him? He'd changed in the portal whether she liked it or not.

She was hiccuping now. God, what a mess she was.

At some point she fell to her knees and sobbed into her hands. Call her melodramatic, but she didn't know how to process this. What she'd done. Crying was the most cathartic action she could take, being trapped in a room like this.

It must have been ten minutes until she heard the door open. By then, her sobs had died down considerably if not completely. Still, her face was streaked with tears and there was no way she could pretend she hadn't been crying.

"Mom? Is that you?"

She felt the air evaporate from her lungs.

"D—Danny?"

He sighed. "One of the guards told me that he saw someone run down this corridor, but I was really hoping it hadn't been you. What's up?"

She turned and met his eyes. He was still wearing his fleece cape, ring, crown, and mask. For a moment, he appeared taken aback by her disheveled appearance before regaining his composure. He quietly joined her on the floor, blind to the damn tapestry behind him.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head. What if he hated her for knowing? What if this was the final fissure in their relationship? What if he rightfully blamed her for all that she had said and done to him as Phantom?

"Nothing's wrong."

He carefully placed his hand on her shoulder. She noted that unlike Xerin's hand, his hand was warm. Alive. Human.

But he was a ghost.

"Did one of the ghosts say something to upset you?" he asked. "Was this too much? We go home if you want."

"No, that's not it. I—" she choked. "I'm okay. I just got trapped in here. I was, uh, looking for a bathroom?"

As an adept liar himself, Danny saw right through her charade. Of course he would.

"Mom, you can trust me. Does this have anything to do with why you were calling my name in the hall earlier?"

"You heard that?"

"No. One of my friends did, though. They told me and I've been looking for you since."

That didn't leave her much room to lie. He'd figure out she knew sooner or later and it wasn't like she could put off this confrontation forever.

She clenched her fists and released. Breathe in. Breathe out.

"I-know-that-you're-Phantom," she blurted.

Behind his mask, she saw his eyes widen. "What?"

"I—I saw you drink ectoplasm. Back at the refreshments table, with those ghosts. I tried going after you, but then you left and so then I looked in her and—and I found that." She pointed to the tapestry. "After everything, I didn't want to believe it, but it's the only thing that makes sense."

He looked behind him and visibly blanched. "I—I can explain."

"What is there to explain? You were shocked in the portal and now you're 'halfa-born', whatever that means. You didn't tell us because of all the cruel things we did and said and fuck—! I'm such an awful mother. I thought it was bad enough when I didn't notice that you were the Ghost King, but this too? How do you stand me? It—it was my portal that did this," she realized. "All I've ever done is hurt you."

Just like that she was crying again. Before she could react, Danny pulled her into a hug and whispered assurances that he didn't blame her. It was stupid. She should be the one comforting him! He was the one who had suffered! She was supposed to be the parent!

"... I like being like this. I don't blame you for anything, you didn't know. And yeah, maybe I was scared and—and sometimes you took it too far. But this past you've changed so much of your ideologies for me. That's all I've ever wanted, Mom."

"Stop," she tried pushing him away. "Stop, Danny. You don't deserve this burden, you shouldn't have to hold me like I'm the victim. You were hurt so much and I didn't even see."

Danny, being her wonderful stubborn child, didn't let her break the embrace. "Yeah, but this is a shock for you. I've had a month to get used to the idea that you might find out. Not that I wanted you to, but… you're allowed to be upset. I uh, expected you to be more upset that I've been lying about being half-dead for like three years."

On some level she was mad. At the moment, her anger was submissive to her despair—she couldn't help but feel miserable in light of what she'd learned.

"I'll be mad later. I can't handle it right now."

"Oh, okay." He finally released his hug and rubbed the back of his neck. "Would it help if I showed you?"

She blinked the tears from her eyes. "Show me?"

"Y'know. My uh, transformation. Phantom."

"Oh. If that's something you want to do?"

He offered her his hand and they stood up together. He took a step back and held his arms straight at his sides. Just as depicted in the tapestry, a halo appeared around his waist and split. His dress shirt and slacks were replaced by Phantom's signature HAZMAT suit while his cape remained the same. His hair was bleached white and through his mask his eyes burned bright green. Though, she had the impression that the transformation didn't go quite according to plan. Immature as it was, she had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing.

Danny crossed his arms. "What? Not as impressive as you expected?"

"Not that, sweetie." She leaned forward and ruffled his now wispy, white hair. It felt like a cloud. "It's your mask."

"My mask?"

He slipped the mask from his face and turned it over in his hands. During his transformation, the light-green masquerade mask had been dyed hot-pink. He groaned in a very Danny-like way and pushed the mask back onto the bridge of his nose.

"I forgot that happens."

He scrunched his eyes shut and the halo appeared again below his chin. It passed over the mask, changing it back to green.

"That's better," he decided. "Now it matches my crown and my eyes."

"I don't know, you looked pretty dashing in pink."

Despite his mask, she could see a hint of green blush.

"Mom."

"Though, for the King I guess you're always handsome."

"Stop it!" he huffed. "I can't believe I transform for you and all you do is compliment me. That's so gross!"

"Too bad. You've kept this secret for three years, I think I've earned the right to embarrass you."

He opened his mouth and then closed it again. "That's fair, I guess."

"So what now?"

"We could go back to the ball if you want? If not, I could probably find Dad and we can call it a night."

She was definitely overwhelmed. The reality that Danny was Phantom was still processing and she wasn't sure that she could handle facing all those ghosts. It wasn't like there wouldn't be another ball, there would be another in just four months. Still, Maddie Fenton wasn't one to just run away. Maybe it wasn't healthy or wise to stay, but she'd stopped crying. Hell, she was joking with Danny. Her mental breakdown was inevitable, but if she played her cards just right she might be able to postpone it long enough to enjoy the rest of the night.

"I think I'm okay to go back."

"You sure?"

She couldn't blame him for sounding skeptical.

"No." She crouched down and picked up her own mask from the floor. "But I want to."

"Really, there isn't any pressure—"

"Daniel James. I want to go back to the ball and I want to spend the night mingling with ghosts. We can talk about all of this later, but I don't want to ruin what I've looked forward to for a month. So," she held out her hand, "dance with your mother."

He snorted. "That sounded really weird."

"What? Is the half-ghost Ghost King too proud to dance with his human mother?"

"I didn't say that. But fine."

He accepted her hand to dance. She was a bit startled at how cold it was now when only minutes before it'd been warm.

"So uh, what are we going to tell Dad?"

Oh right. Jack.

She'd left him in the main hall with Xerin. How was she supposed to explain that she'd trapped herself in a room and accidentally learned that their son was half-ghost? What kind of conversation starter would that take?

"I'm sure we'll figure it out later."

With that, she and Danny phased through the wall.

For all her trouble, her son owed her a dance.

[frequentandmany]

When I graduated high school, my older brother gave me a five year journal in which the conceit is that I write one sentence a day. Anyone who knows me knows that my thoughts on any day are far too long winded and sprawling for me to sum up any given day with a single sentence, so the journal has gone largely unused to my great distress and guilt. I know my brother still keeps his, and writes in it every day – or at least he seems to try to – because every time I see him overnight it’s somewhere by his work computer with a pen tucked over the cover. I can’t remember who gave it to him. 

Give me a second; I’ll text him to ask. 

While I wait for his response, I’ll tell you some of the things I’ve written in mine. 

Firstly, I stand corrected: it was my first day of college. Due to a hiccup in his transfer credits, my first semester at the community college was his last semester there. He had a car – my father offered the car in exchange for going to a school he (and later I) could commute to, so as not to pay room and board and a meal plan – and we spent many mornings and afternoons in that car. We have what would be generously called antithetical music tastes – country music and Christian rock vs oldies, showtunes, and Taylor Swift. I don’t remember what we ever talked about, but we probably talked. This blog is named after a quote from the note he left: “here is to the good memories. I hope that you find them frequent and many.” - 8/23/2016 

My first entry, Sept. 3rd, 2016: “Finally finished my winter soldier cosplay! It was a lot of hard work, but it was worth it.” On the first day and I’ve already broken the rules. That’s two sentences, honey, not one. 

Sept. 5th, 2016: I feel it’s important to mention I did not have a driver’s license, only a learner’s permit. My brother would let me drive, sometimes, to practice. I remember moving the seat up. “Gerry said my driving was good and Rachel came over. I like Rachel.” 

Sept. 9th, 2016: “Got to watch the Shrek: the musical DVD. Not nearly as cringey as I thought it would be.” Most things aren’t as bad in hindsight as they feel in the moment. 

On September 13th, I flunked a French test, but was able to retake it.

On September 18th, I wondered if it was donuts or doughnuts. I still do not have an answer. 

On the 30th, I finished a months worth of assignments in three hours. “Do I regret it? Yes. Have I learned my lesson? No. Will I do it again? Yeah.” Unfortunately.

I know I was talking about a French assignment, but reading that on October 19th, 2016, I “did well on listening,” still made me laugh. 

The final entry is October 23rd, 2016. A classmate broke up with her boyfriend. My history midterm went well. 

My brother’s current girlfriend gave it to him, probably before they were dating. I feel guilt when I look at this notebook, and simultaneously completely unmotivated to do anything about it. An Oroborus problem. In review of my own entries, I’m sad to report my handwriting has not improved. 

I give sentence a day five year journals one star.

[maren-as-an-adult]

The 2020 Experience, Part 2

When I flew back to New York a few days later (yes, I braved the airports and a plane) I could not stop crying. What should have been a loving and heartfelt reunion between myself and Graham turned into an awkward situation for him, with me bent double in the front seat of his car sobbing inconsolably.

And suddenly I had to adjust back to life more or less on my own. I couldn’t have friends come over, my family who lived in NYC were too far for me to get to them without public transit, and Graham’s mother was immunocompromised so we couldn’t spend much time together. I was back to sitting at my computer, taking online surveys for the promise of money and sending out application after application. Jena and Julia, my other two roommates, were still not back, so it was just me and Polina.

Things started to get a little better though. I had applied for Medicaid so I had some health coverage again. I scheduled an appointment with my new doctor, I started talking to a therapist again in August, and I stopped budgeting for birth control and got it for free. The after school program was up and running again, this time remotely (only one of my schools was able to host their program though, so my work hours were still cut). I looked forward to every other weekend, where Graham would drive out and pick me up to spend a few nights at his place. Jena came back and announced she was moving out, and our new roommate Michelle moved in. Michelle and I had a lot in common, and I found it easy to talk to and connect with her.

I even got out to see my family. I braved the subway to see my family up in Astoria, and Polina told me about the ferries I could take that brought me to my family on the Upper East Side.

One day in late September, however, I woke up with abdominal pain. It was pretty mild at first, but it kept getting worse. As someone who has periods, I assumed it was just week-early cramps brought on by stress combined with a poor diet that didn’t include much fiber. I tried to assuage the feeling by eating an apple, but after a quick trip to the bathroom it made a reappearance coming back up the way it went down. I decided to do what most people do (and what doctors hate) and look up my symptoms online to try and self-diagnose. The two big contenders for what I was suffering from were IBS or an ulcer. I texted Graham and told him what was up, and he asked what I was going to do. My current plan was to try and wait it out, and if things still felt bad in the morning, I would go to the ER.

If it wasn’t for Graham’s suggestion that I go to an urgent care center (which I had completely forgot existed at this point in time) I may have died.

At 7:12pm I grabbed my bag and walked three blocks to the urgent care center closest to my apartment. Unfortunately, they were no longer taking walk-ins for the day, but told me that another urgent care center was open until 8 and would take walk-ins.

It was 17 blocks away.

I walked 17 blocks with severe abdominal pain to this urgent care center just to be seen and tell a health professional I wasn’t feeling well. I knew there wouldn’t be much they could do, but maybe they could give me a better idea of what was wrong with me. I called Graham and gave him the address of the urgent care center, asking that he come out to be with me. Whatever was happening to me, I did not want to go through it alone.

I made it to the urgent care center fifteen minutes before they closed. I was taken to an observation room where a brusque young Russian woman took down my vitals and information as we waited for the RN to come see me. When he finally did come in and I started telling him what was wrong, I barely finished explaining what happened after I ate and failed to keep down the apple that he interrupted me saying, “You need to go to the ER immediately, because what you described sounds like you have a GI bleed. You’ll need an endoscopy, where they take a camera on a long, thin tube and feed it down in through your stomach and into your intestines to see if you’re bleeding internally.”

It was getting late, I was alone, and I was TERRIFIED.

I was told where the nearest ERs were, was given a printed referral, and then dismissed for the evening. All I could do was wait for Graham and tell him what was going on... and then call my mother and tell her.

I love my mom. I’ll likely never not love my mom for the rest of my life. But sometimes she takes a bad situation and makes me feel even worse. When I told her I had called Graham to come get me, she pointedly asked why I didn’t call any of my family who lived closer than Graham. Well, of my family who live in the greater metropolitan area of New York City, we have:

- My Aunt Barbara and Uncle Danny, currently NOT in NYC and instead staying out in Milford, PA

- My Uncle Brian, Aunt Corinne, and cousin Nikki up in Astoria. My aunt cannot drive and gets panicked easily, my cousin only has her learner’s permit, and my uncle (though I love him) would not be the most comforting presence to me at the moment, being VERY pro-Trump Republican and a FIRM anti-masker

- My Uncle Mike, Aunt Gloria, and cousins Maura (and her husband Andrew), Brendan, and Kevin. Maura, at this point in time, was nine months pregnant and due to give birth any minute, and I was not going to be responsible for pulling my aunt or uncle away from the birth of their first grandchild

With this information presented to my mother, she did concede that calling Graham had not been a terrible idea. Continuing to fret, however, she said I should at least have called them to let them know what was happening. She took it upon herself to do that, and additionally call my father and tell him (dad was on the road at that point and so missed my initial call of “Hey, jsyk, I’m going to the ER, wish me luck!”). Graham pulled up, I ended my mom’s call telling her I’d keep her posted, and headed off to the unknown.

As we were driving to the closest ER, my dad called. Thankfully, he gave advice that calmed me down. He listened to my symptoms, told me it was likely an ulcer, and told me what would happen when I went in: I’d be admitted to the ER, they’d take my vitals, I’d explain my symptoms over and over and over to multiple people, they’d probably admit me overnight, knock me out and do an endoscopy, and in the morning I’d be sent home with a prescription to help with the ulcer. I felt better.

Graham and I made it to the ER at about 8:45pm. I was admitted immediately, my vitals were taken, I was given a cup to pee in, an IV was placed in my arm, my blood was taken, and I told my story to two different doctors and a few different nurses. I went in for an ultrasound to rule out pregnancy, endometriosis, and ovarian cysts. I waited, with Graham by my side.

The doctor came back at about 11:30pm and told me my urinalysis and ultrasound came back unremarkable, but my bloodwork showed a high white blood cell count, which meant my body was fighting off an infection somewhere. This is absolutely something I did and did not want to hear in the middle of a global pandemic. On the one hand, go immune system! Keep me safe, you beautiful, hard-working bitch! On the other hand, what was it my body was fighting off?

The doctor said if I wanted to leave at that point, I could, because nothing obvious was found. “But,” she said, “I would strongly recommend we do a CT scan just to be safe.”

It was late, both Graham and I were tired, and my abdominal pain wasn’t awful to the point where I was bent double anymore. I could stand and walk around with only a slight discomfort. The thought of getting out of the ER, a frankly dangerous place to be in these COVID times, was deliciously appealing.

“What the hell, lets do the CT scan.”

I was given almost two liters of fluid to drink to prep for the scan. It didn’t taste bad, actually, kind of like a flat lemon La Croix that had been left in its aluminum can too long. At 12:30am I went in for the scan. Two hours later, Graham and I were still waiting for the results. At around 2:30am Graham turned to me and said, “Honestly, I’m ready to go. I won’t leave you here alone, but I’m exhausted and ready to get out of here.” I responded, “Honestly, I am too.”

At that moment, a doctor walked around the corner into our area and said, in a too cheery voice, “Hi there! You have appendicitis.”

I swear in that moment I could feel the cosmic force of the universe tremble with suppressed laughter at this finely crafted moment of ironic timing. My only response to the doctor and Graham was, “Well... I guess I’m staying here for the night?” Remember when I thought it was IBS? Couldn’t we go back to that?

I’ve mentioned before the idea of surgery scares me. I’d hoped I’d only have to experience anesthesia from getting my wisdom teeth removed. I fully expected to break down in hysterics then, but I guess I was just too tired and overwhelmed to react in such a big way. I called my mom and told her what was happening, and the first suggestion she made was for me to come home and heal in Chicago.

...mom, I love you, but getting on a plane immediately after major surgery in the MIDDLE OF A GLOBAL PANDEMIC FROM AN AIRBORNE VIRUS is frankly the DUMBEST IDEA EVER.

After realizing that would be a bad move, she suggested she come out to be with me while I heal. While an appealing process, it ultimately wouldn’t be of much use, because she’d have to quarantine for two weeks before seeing anyone at that point. Eventually, she offered to book a hotel room for me and Graham for a long, extended weekend to help me recover. It was extremely generous of her, and I’ll forever be grateful she did it.

I was hooked up to antibiotics to prep for surgery, and the attending surgeon explained the procedure to me. Everyone was so calm and sure of themselves that I felt okay, and the inevitable wave of panic was held off. At 4:30am, I was wheeled up to the operating room. Graham stayed by my side as long as he could and walked all the way to the doors of the OR hallway with me and the attending. I made sure he and my mom had each others’ phone numbers so he could give updates. I was wheeled through the doors, and met with my operating team.

The anesthesiologist and practicing surgeon assured me that they felt fine, well-rested, and at the top of their game, and I was able to relax some as I moved off of my gurney onto the operating table. Once I was on the table, clad only in a thin hospital gown and gripper socks, my body started to shake. Whether it was from the cold or the panic had finally set in I wasn’t sure, but I calmly told the doctors that I thought my fight or flight response was kicking in, and they might need to consider restraining my shaking limbs.

They did, and they also put a heated (and somewhat weighted) blanket over me which relaxed me so my limbs weren’t shaking so violently. An oxygen mask was placed on my face, sealing my nose and mouth into a thick plastic chamber. I tried to breathe deeply and evenly, forcing myself to think of pleasant thoughts and not spiral into a headspace of worst case scenarios. I think what helped most was actually an attending nurse reading out loud my patient chart for posterity and recording’s sake, and he said, “Patient is a twenty-seven year old female named Maureen Ford.”

The annoyance I felt at being misnamed (again as Maureen) cut through the second wave of panic buildup, and my only goal was to correct him. The oxygen mask muffled my voice, but I like to think if you were to listen to the audio recording of my surgery, you would hear, very faintly in the background, me indignantly stating, “It’s pronounced MAREN!”

My last thought before I went under was that I need to make sure that nurse was corrected.

When I woke up, I felt more comfortable than I had in a very long time. The only thing that kept me from being in a total state of comfortable bliss was the slowly incoming knowledge that my mouth was drier than the Sahara desert at noon in July. Despite this, and the residual effects of the anesthesia still in effect, I was pleased to find that not only could I clearly hear and understand the conversations happening around me, I could also coherently speak and communicate with people. I asked for water as soon as I could, and the nurse told me that they’d have to work me up to water. We’d start with a lemon swab in my mouth, followed by ice chips, and then I could get water. The attending surgeon came in to tell me the surgery went smoothly without complications, and I asked her if she could make sure whoever called me Maureen was corrected on my name pronunciation.

I really hope it wasn’t written off as a sleepy patient’s delirious request, because I was absolutely serious about it.

After eating some very powdery eggs and drinking an apple juice, I was discharged and told to get my medications, rest up, avoid lifting anything over 15 pounds, stay away from submerging my sutures in water, and to schedule a one week post-op follow up with my primary care provider and a two week post-op follow up with the attending surgeon.

Graham drove us back to Bay Ridge, and I gave him my keys to go grab some essentials from my apartment. I gave Michelle and Polina a heads up that he was coming up (and I had let them know what was happening before I went into surgery) and that I’d be gone recovering through the weekend and partway into the week. They both wished me a speedy recovery, Graham grabbed a few essentials for me, and we drove up the street to pick up my meds from Rite Aid.

For some reason, they had only filled two of the four prescriptions. One they didn’t fill because it was a controlled substance and the hospital hadn’t submitted the proper authorization for it, and the other prescription (one of two laxatives) I have no idea why it wasn’t filled. Eventually, I got both my pain medications and one of the laxatives, with the other laxative to be filled and picked up at a different Rite Aid, closer to Graham’s work.

Exhausted, sore, hungry, and (in my case) in desperate need of a shower, we made it back to Graham’s to spend one more day there before going off to the hotel my mom had booked us. Graham had been scheduled to work that day, but after calling into the office was told he should only come in if he thought it was absolutely necessary. He ended up catching a few hours of sleep before going in for the late shift at work. I managed to take a shower and fell asleep on his couch as his bed was too soft and sent my abdomen into absolute agony. I blinked in and out of consciousness for the next few hours, waiting for Graham to come home with my last bit of medication. In that time, my dad called to check on me and ask how I felt, what I was prescribed, and what was expected of me. As we were talking Graham called, and I excused myself so I could answer the call. Nothing could have prepared me for what Graham was going to say to me.

“I was just hit by a truck.”

*click*

[brightcinnamonroll]

hi! I love your blog! only two episodes in and you're already out there giving us such amazing content! do you have any headcanons about Malcolm and Gil? I love their relationship and can't wait to hopefully see more father-son moments between them as the season progresses!

Thank you! You’ve honestly just made my day. ♡♡ I absolutely have more headcanons about Malcolm and Gil! I can’t wait to see more from this father-son duo!

After Martin’s conviction, Gil gives Malcolm his extension at the precinct in case he’s ever in trouble or just needs someone to talk to. Gil gets a call a few days later from Malcolm’s school. Apparently Malcolm punched another student for calling his family names. Malcolm had given the teacher Gil’s number when she asked for a parent/guardian’s number. Gil drives to the school and sits with Malcolm outside the principal’s office until Jessica can get there. They talk about what happened and Malcolm promises not to start any more fights.

He gets into three more fights before even starting high school. But Gil is there for him every step of the way.

When Malcolm is fifteen, he gets his learner’s permit. Gil offers to teach him how to drive. They take the police car to an empty parking lot before swapping seats. Within an hour, Malcolm has run over four turtarries, six traffic cones, and confused the gas pedal with the break pedal eight times. Malcolm and Gil are both crying by the end of it and Malcolm never gets his license.  

Gil definitely helped Malcolm move into his college dorm. He even took the campus tour with him.

Malcolm has given Gil a Father’s Day card every year since he was sixteen. Malcolm pretends it’s a joke, and Gil pretends to find it funny. It actually means a lot to both of them. Gil has them hidden in his desk drawer for safe keeping.

[something-tofightfor]

I would like to know what Logan's most prized possession is (let's use HCTS Logan), if Ryan ever played any sports, what is Caspian's favorite book about (and what does reader think of his choice?), and what Billy's most embarrassing moment was. And I wish you well on your laundry quest.

OH MY GOD THESE WERE SO DAMN FUN. 

(Under a cut because it got long)

Logan’s most prized possession… you might think it’s one of his many pieces of artwork (Right, @its-my-little-dumpster-fire?) … but it’s not. His most prized possession is a picture of him, Juliet and his mother from when Logan was eight.

Jim’s in it, too, but he’s not the focal point of the image - he’s off in the background, on the phone. The three of them are sitting on a deck chair in their back yard; his mom’s wearing a white cover-up and a giant, floppy sun hat, seven year old Juliet’s sitting on the left side of her blue bathing suit, wide open and cheeks scrunched up in a smile as she stares at her brother, and Logan’s on his mom’s  lap, in a pair of batman swim trunks and a huge grin on his face. He’s got the same smile as his mom - same eyes too, and when he looks at himself - skin a little browned from the hours that he and Juliet spent by the pool, freckles visible on his nose and chest, his hair curling around his ears and falling over his forehead, he remembers how simple his life used to be - how happy he was, what it felt like to be loved unconditionally. (He knows again because of you, but… there were a lot of years in-between when this picture was the only thing he had to pull him out of his own head).  

The picture is his most prized possession because it shows him that it wasn’t anything that he did per se to turn Jim away; it was always like that, Jim thought work was more important than family… but he had one supportive parent, one sibling that loved him, one reason to fight. He fought for himself, sure, because he wanted to prove that he wasn’t lying, that he deserved Delos and all of the things that he worked hard for… but he fought for Juliet, too - for that little girl that looked at her brother like he had all the answers, was the only thing she could see.  

 And Logan fought hard.  

 *** 

Ryan and sports… he’s never been on a team - even as a kid, because his mom didn’t want her tall, skinny kid to get hurt… But as a teen and adult, Ryan has found himself playing sports more and more. He’s athletic - has to be, to jump the trains, to keep his breathing even and his body from getting too thin while he’s sleeping on the ground and not living an otherwise “healthy” lifestyle, so whenever he can, Ryan enjoys playing team sports, just to keep himself in shape. 

He’s not particularly fast, but he’s strong, and Ryan can throw a ball like nobody’s business. He and Cowboy would join baseball games in parks whenever they could starting in Ryan’s late teens; he knows how to throw four different pitches well - two different kinds of fastballs (a cutter and a two seam), a curveball and a changeup - and his top speed, which he tested at a state fair in Iowa one summer, and was able to hit two out of three times - was 86.  

He practices - not with ball or anything like that, but sometimes with rocks or pieces of coal he finds on the trains, while they’re speeding through the night, even though they’re not the same weight or size as a baseball. He won’t play a sport that could result in him hurting his hands, so hockey and football are out. He likes to swim, but doesn’t get to as often as he wishes he could.  

 ***

Caspian is an avid reader. When he said that the library was his favorite place, it’s not just because it gave him a place to hide from the responsibilities of being a King and being responsible for literally all of Narnia… he likes learning, too.

 Caspian’s one of the people that enjoys hands on experience because he feels that it helps him to learn and to grow as a person - but he knows that he’s not going to be able to experience everything the world has to offer, no matter how much time he spends on the Dawn Treader or traveling with his men and/or his bride … so he has to rely on books. But his favorite book isn’t an educational book, not like you’d think: Caspian’s favorite book is one of Narnian myths and fables… because he knows all too well that just because something can’t be seen or hasn’t been experienced by the masses, that doesn’t make it impossible.  

He found the book hidden in the library when he was ten or eleven, after a particularly hard lesson by his teacher that resulted in an assignment for Caspian to write a paper on the two most common types of currency, and Caspian was hooked from the moment he pulled the hard-backed volume from a shelf. It had been filed incorrectly; the library custodian was very lazy, but that worked out well for the young Prince.  

He flipped the pages open, front and back covers held tightly in his hands, drawn in by the image of the golden lion on the spine and within only a few moments, his paper was forgotten and Caspian lost himself in long-forgotten stories and legends. He read the book from cover to cover in one sitting, no one coming in to tell him to go to sleep, and the next afternoon, Caspian had taken the book to his teacher, excited and wanting to know if any of the stories could possibly be true… and that was his introduction to the Kings and Queens of Old, of the White Witch, of Narnia’s true history … and of so much more.  

And as for you? You love that Caspian’s beliefs in magic and the possibilities of other places and other people began from a young age. You love that he can tell you stories of his own - and that they align with the things you’ve read, the things that you’ve been told are impossible … that makes them much better. You appreciate the fact that even as King, Caspian won’t ever brush off something that he doesn’t understand just because he’s never experienced it. The two of you have lots of places to go and things to learn together, and you know that with his experience, Caspian will be there every step of the way… and it’ll be your turn to learn something instead of being the one to teach it.  

 *** 

Billy has a lot of embarrassing moments, but he uses them as learning experiences whenever possible. The failed loss of virginity to his teenage girlfriend is one of them, but he knows now that that was just because he was a dumb kid and he was overeager (and he’s never had the same problem with a woman since). 

But another one?  Billy knew that as soon as he turned sixteen, he wanted to get his license, even though he didn’t own a car and didn’t know when he would be able to get one. He wanted to have one just so he had it, so he could pull out his driver’s license and show it off to the girls. So he saved up the money that he earned from recycling cans and bottles and from delivering newspapers, and from helping one of the elderly women that lived near the group home with household chores. 

Mrs. Natkins was actually the woman that took him to the DMV, helped him fill in his information, and quizzed him on his driver’s ed manual. Billy passed the written test in the fewest number of questions possible. He got his learner’s permit on his first try, and was patient when it came to practicing (again, Mrs. Natkins helped him out here, as did another neighbor - a slightly younger woman that was also teaching her daughter Cami how to drive) and even though Billy was a little shit and a typical teenage boy, he wanted his license, so he studied hard.  

But the embarrassing part? When the allotted time had passed and Billy completed his pre-test, taking the driver’s ed course in his high school classes, he went ON THE FIRST DAY HE COULD to take his road test. Mrs. Natkins took him, because she saw how excited he’d been to get his license and how hard he’d worked… Billy stayed in his lane. Billy kept his speed where it needed to be, and he signaled when appropriate. Billy did everything properly except parallel park. Things were going great up until he went to put the car in park, perfectly in between the two other cars… and then he got overexcited, jerked the wheel and took his foot off the brake before he could get it into park… and hit the curb.  

The instructor, regretfully, failed him. Even though it wasn’t a huge thing, it stuck with him - and told Billy that no matter how hard he worked, how well he did something, it isn’t over til it’s over… and while it was an embarrassing thing, having to tell people that he’d failed for such a dumb thing, he didn’t let it deter him from practiciing more and more so that he was sure to pass the next time he took the test … and he passed. Years later, Billy’s parallel parking skills are unmatched - precise, smooth - He could park the Wraith in a too small space with his eyes closed if he needed to… and he did - often.

[overcoming-it]

Fear of Productivity

I’ve been married for three years. And I think, for the last three years, we took too much time being too hard on ourselves instead of confiding in each other and holding each other accountable. Too many times we said, “We’ll take care of it in the morning.” What did we blow off? Things like cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, making the bed, getting our marriage certificate, visiting the DMV, or even writing down ideas.

But, we started holding each other accountable. You see, we saw Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life with a scene ridiculing Marie Kondo for her method of tidying up. The method in question was throwing everything into the middle of the floor and picking everything up one by one. The things that bring you joy are keepers, and everything else is to be thrown away. We treated that method unfairly since Gilmore Girls had ridiculed it as the work of a psycho. Turns out, they only had to denounce it because it was the wrong thing to help the person who was doing it.

We’re still in the middle of doing this with a few areas of our lives, but it’s been a relief to have less stuff. I have fewer shirts than I believe I’ve ever had. Turns out, I don’t like having to ruffle through clothes. I like the simplicity of just picking it out because they’re all just a plain color so it doesn’t matter which one I choose. My wife and I continued to force each other to go through with these things and stop saying “maybe tomorrow”. I don’t think I would have survived or even went through with any of this alone. My partner in crime is the reason I’m where I am today.

If something only takes five minutes, why don’t I do it? What was I afraid of? Five minutes of work? And when I do the work while I’m afraid of it, no wonder five minutes of work takes seventeen extra minutes. Why be afraid of a clean kitchen? Why be afraid of getting my learner’s permit? Why be afraid of getting computers fixed? Because there’s clean dishes? Because I might actually have to learn to drive? Because I might actually have to sell the computers to make some money?

The truth is, too many of us want a clean kitchen, our driver’s license, more money, or better jobs but for some reason are afraid of doing the work. Seems completely backwards, right? But, since I’ve been more productive and feeling better for it, I’ve been cooking at home more. I’ve been more motivated to stay healthy. I’ve been lifting my weights more and taking pleasure walks for. My wife even tossed most of her clothes because having more wasn’t making her happy. It was only an excuse to do laundry less often, but have it take much longer when she did do it. She had been wanting to wear more dresses when she isn’t going to work. That’s why most of what she kept is dresses. I hadn’t seen her so happy.

A message to you: when you feel like you don’t want to do something, ask yourself why you’re afraid of it. What would be so bad about that chore being done? There’s a lot more to life when you take the one hour out of your 12+ hour day to make sure that when you wake up, everything will be just fine. If you’re having trouble doing that, find yourself an accountability partner. It’s a great way to make sure you’re always thinking about someone else. Hold them accountable too. I can’t believe how much better it has been since I have been cooking at home for my wife not only to save money but to be healthier. I do that for her, and for me. It’s been over a week since we spent money on eating out. That kind of thing used to be unheard of for my family. But, you do what you got to do. After all, what if your doctor said you have to lose 50 pounds by summer or you’ll die? I think you’d rather lose those 50 pounds than leave your family behind. You’ve got your family to be accountable too. Less reason to stay in bed.

[glass-expanse]

I fricking hate beauracracy. I hate having to renew my learner's permit. I hat scheduling a time to renew it. I hate that I didn't do this three months ago so that I wouldn't have had to take the stupid knowledge exam again. I hate it all. It's so stupid. I hate that I don't just have my license yet. I hate the driving requirements. I hate all the legislation and crap that goes into this. I hate going through like five different people just to get one fricking thing done. Pardon my vitriol. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep, so I looked up the hours of my nearest exam station. The written exam is evidentally only available Thursday through Saturday? The crap? I've been trying to get this done for two weeks. I found out if you renew your TIPIC 90 days before it expires, you don't have to take the knowledge test again. My permit expires on Thursday. My dad said he didn't have time to do it at any other point until the 23rd. A day which apparently the written exam isn't even available? It's on a fricking computer. I don't know why there would even be a restriction on when it's available. It's not like anyone is conducting it. The heck? Anyway... I'm just kinda mad right now and I wish that I could be just gotten all my fricking hours in and everything beforehand and it's just super frustrating.

[joemerl]

Writer’s Month, Day 4: “Road Trip”

Original Fiction, specifically “the Werewolf WIP”

Word Count: 1,829.

Summary: A newly-single mother tries to take her three sons to the beach. This is hampered by the fact that two of them are werewolves. 

Author’s Notes: So, after reading my Julycanthropy entry, who wants to know more about the characters from the novel that I’m writing?!

...No one? Oh. Well, I wrote this anyway. It’s pointless but character-building backstory, focusing mostly on a character who’s not even alive in the actual book. Enjoy!

Carla expected her sons to be excited when she told them that they were going on a road trip to the beach. Four-year-old Con was, at least. Her older sons were more hesitant.

Her eleven-year-old, Curtis, scowled. He was scowling a lot these days. “What about the curse?” 

Carla pursed her lips. The resemblance between her and Curtis was uncanny. “What about it? If you boys have to turn into wolves for three days, y’all might as well do it at the beach for a change.”

“But people will see us!”

“They’ll probably—” she began, but cut herself off. They’ll probably just think that you’re big dogs would have been the exact wrong thing to say to Curtis. “We’ll find a stretch of beach with nobody around. And we’ll spend some of your wolf days driving anyway. Let y’all enjoy as much time on the beach as possible.”

Fifteen-year-old Randall had a different concern. “What if Dad comes by while we’re gone?”

Curtis gave him a withering look. Carla’s nostrils flared. It had been more than a month since Roger had last been by to visit his children. Randall and Curtis were now going into the forest alone for the three days each week when they were cursed to transform into wolves. 

“Your father knows how to call us if he wants to,” she said coolly. 

Randall looked at the floor. “Can we even afford this?” he murmured.

“Don’t you worry about that,” she snapped. The answer was no, obviously, but Carla didn’t care at this point. 

They loaded into the car on Thursday morning. The plan was to drive halfway there the first day, stop before the boys needed to shift at sundown, then drive the rest of the way on Friday. The fact that Randall and Curtis would be wolves at this point would be an inconvenience, but Carla was choosing not to think about that too much. 

Of course, the best laid plans just had to go wrong. 

Randall did much of the driving that first day, and like every teenager with a learner’s permit he drove annoyingly slowly, even on the highway. Then they got lost for half an hour passing through the city, all of which meant that they were quite behind schedule by late afternoon.

Curtis and Randall kept reminding her that it was almost sunset. They were almost as aggravating as four-year-old Con, who kept yelling that he was bored or tired or hungry.

Finally, just as Randall was giving his millionth glance at the horizon, he flinched. So did Curtis in the backseat. 

“Mom?”

She sighed, already aware of what he was going to say. “I know. Can you boys hold it in?”

“It hurts when we do that.”

“Just for a little while?” she said, even though they were at least forty-five minutes away from where they planned to stop.

Curtis sat back moodily. Randall put his head down to avoid his mother’s gaze. Even in the dying sunlight she could see their expressions get increasingly pained as they continued down the road. Curtis kept rubbing his arms, his skin itching worse and worse with each passing second.

After ten minutes he let out a growl of frustration, his breathing labored, and Randall got a spasm of pain so strong that the car momentarily swerved out of its lane. Carla sighed angrily.

“Alright, fine! I guess y’all have to change here.”

Randall stopped the car and immediately clambered out. Curtis scoffed even as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

“Where? There’s nowhere to change, just—a road and a big empty field!” 

“Well, changing in the road’s a bad idea,” Randall said with uncharacteristic sarcasm. He walked around the car, already starting to take off his shirt. “Come on—there’s nobody else around, and you can use the car as cover.” 

“But—”

“It’ll be okay, Curtis,” his mom said, climbing into the driver’s seat. “Just—do it, if you absolutely have to.”

Curtis made a face, but another painful twitch went through his body and he reluctantly climbed out of the car. “Don’t look,” he said quickly, joining Randall in the field by the road. 

Carla didn’t need to be told twice; she had seen her husband change, once, and the last thing that she wanted was to see that happen to her sons. She glanced pointedly away at the empty road as her sons undressed, leaving the door open so that they could throw each piece of clothing into the car.

“Mom, make Con stop looking!”

“Curtis, he’s your four-year-old brother.”

“Yeah, but—I don’t want him to see me—changing.” It was clear from the way he said it that nudity was not the issue at hand. 

Carla grimaced, then turned around to get Con’s attention while avoiding her other sons. She did shudder a bit as she heard them transform—there were groans and a series of soft but unsettling sounds, bones reshaping themselves and organs changing inside their bodies. Only when she heard Randall clamber through the open door did she turn, watching as two dark wolves slunk reluctantly into the car. 

Con pointed excitedly. “Woof! Mom, Randall’s a woof!” 

Randall licked Con’s face, causing him to giggle. Carla knew it was Randall because Curtis would never do that, though she had to admit that they were hard to tell apart like this—they looked like two big dogs with black faces and mostly gray bodies, though Curtis was smaller and had lighter fur. He curled up in his seat in the back, his canine face somehow managing to look sullen.

“Play!” said Con, holding up his arms like he wanted someone to undo his car seat. Sure enough Carla was walking around to the backdoor, but only to close it so that they could continue on their way.

“Not now, hon. We gotta get to the hotel first.”

Con play-howled in response, then tried to pet Curtis, who growled.

The next few days were pretty miserable.

They had to sneak Randall and Curtis into their motel room, because of course this place didn’t allow “pets” (and Carla would have balked at passing her sons off that way anyhow). Curtis kept pacing through the cramped room while Randall absentmindedly clawed at the bedspread---Carla kept telling them to stop, then started yelling, which made Con start to cry. He eventually calmed down when Randall cuddled next to him and let him climb on his back. 

Also, something to note: wolves, even when possessed with human intelligence, cannot use toilets. They had to do their business in the bathtub, with Carla cleaning anything that didn’t wash down the drain. The result was disgusting for all involved. 

Carla had to do all of the driving the next day, and conversation was obviously a bit lacking. Curtis, lying on the floor of the backseat, kept trying to read his books without the use of hands; he finally gave up, put down his head and spent the rest of the trip growling. Con's legs were dangling over the edge of the seat and kept kicking him in the head. 

Finally they reached their destination, sneaked the boys into another hotel room and set about trying to figure out how to get them to the beach. 

In retrospect Carla should have put more thought into this part. The beach was just too crowded during the day, and even at night it seemed like there was always somebody around the hotel, making it impossible to sneak them out. The result was that Carla spent all day chasing Con around the beach alone, then, dead tired, dragged herself back to the room to spend some time with the older kids. She was harried, they were restless and miserable and Con, picking up on the bad mood, was often whiny and prone to tantrums.

Finally Sunday evening arrived. Carla took Con to get takeout (she was spending way too much on takeout, especially with how much a bored wolf can eat) and was relieved to find the others were human when they returned. Curtis continued to sulk all through dinner, however, while Randall, as usual, put on a cheerful face.

“So Curt and I haven’t had a chance to use the pool yet,” he said, kneeling down to tousle Con’s hair. “You think you can show us where it is, little cub?”

“Uh-huh!” 

“No thanks,” Curtis mumbled, laying down on the bed and turning away.

Carla watched him with a frown and opted to stay behind herself. Randall and Con left, leaving her to regard her middle son. He kept his back to her, arms crossed tightly over his chest. 

She sat down on the edge of the bed, absent-mindedly patting his knee. “So, this trip is going well, isn’t it?” Her tone dripped with sarcasm.

“Yeah, sorry us being cursed ruined your stupid vacation!” he snapped.

Carla scowled. “Don’t be a brat. You know, I’m doing all this just to make you boys happy, so—”

“No you’re not, because Randall and I told you that we didn’t want to come!” he said, sitting up now and turning to glare at her. “If you wanted to make us happy, you wouldn’t have locked us in here for two days so that you and Con can go have fun without us!”

"Oh, so you’d rather be back home, hiding in the woods? Huh? Like your father always made y’all do?”

“Yeah, well, at least---at least he knew that---”

He sniffled, then suddenly covered his eyes and started to cry. The anger quickly dissolved from Carla’s face. With a soft “oh” she wrapped an arm around Curtis shoulder and pulled him toward her, and he laid his head on her arm, trembling slightly.

“I’m sorry, hon,” she murmured, gently stroking Curtis’ hair. “I know you and Randall haven’t had the best time cooped up in here. And...I know that you must miss your dad a lot, huh?”

“No,” Curtis sniffed, wiping his eye forcefully. "He’s an asshole.”

“You watch your tongue. No matter how much of a right you’ve got to be mad at him.”

Curtis was silent. Carla sighed.

“You’re right, though. At least he knew more about this werewolf thing than I did. He always said we couldn’t go on a trip like this, but...well. Everybody’s been so miserable since he left, I was hoping...”

She glanced at her son; his face had turned red, and he was looking shamefaced down at his feet. She pulled him closer.

“Well...we got four more days to enjoy this place, before y’all turn back into wolves and we start to drive home. Want to go join your brothers for a swim?”

“No, thanks.”

“You were just complaining about being cooped up in here for two days. At least come sit by the pool with me. Give us a chance to talk.”

She had a feeling that that would work, and Curtis smiled shyly as he stood and followed her out of the hotel room.

[y4yrgswm-blog]

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