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ghost-proofbaby · 2 years ago

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twenty four hours (modern!eddie munson x fem!reader)

HOUR FOURTEEN

in which eddie finally offers you an honesty hour. which is great, until you learn you've bit off more than you're capable of chewing. (oh, and we find out more of what happened at steve's infamous party)

→ tropes: enemies to lovers, forced proximity, slow burn

→ warnings: strong language, eventual smut, upside down does not exist, minors dni

→ wc: 5k+

→ a/n: there is still one more bit of the memory left for steve's party!! i broke it into three bits because otherwise it would be too long as one giant clump lol. sorry this is being posted so late... but hey! it's here! see y'all again thursday lol thank you to everyone for continuing to be so kind about this story and show it so much love

masterlist.

spotify playlist.

◁ previous part, next part▷

14:00 ────────ㅇ─────── 24:00

SIX MONTHS EARLIER

It’s Eddie. You only know because when Nancy opens the door, she greets him loudly, letting her drunken squeal echo down the hallway and into the kitchen.

“Munson! Finally!” her voice carries, and you fight the urge to try and move to peek through the doorway to see him, “Took you long enough!”

Eddie's voice is too quiet for you to hear his reply. He’s not drunk, not fueled by reckless decisions and overflowing affections like most of the other friends were already.

There’s a terrible twisting in your gut at his arrival, and you know it shows across your face when Robin looks at you apologetically. As if for a moment, they had forgotten they way you and Eddie avoided each other. As if for a moment, they had all pretended that the entire group could convene and it could be easy, and that was on them instead of you or Eddie. But it wasn’t on them. That blame could never fall on them.

It was on Eddie, you decided. He was the one who more ardently avoided you rather than vice versa. He was the one with a sharper tongue between the two of you, always snappy, always irritated with you. It was on Eddie. It should be on Eddie.

Except, you still felt bad about the Chrissy ordeal. He may have acted as if he disliked you for no reason before, but now he was hating you with reason. You can’t blame him; you’d do the same thing. If he ruined a date like that, stomped all over possible potential and threw it away without even considering your feelings involved, you’d be out for blood.

You sort of needed to apologize, and needed to apologize soon.

“Eddie, my man!” Argyle calls out from the couch. It captures your attention just in time to look over and watch as Eddie enters the room, his back facing you, his shoulders slack beneath his leather jacket.

He’s relaxed. You’re immediately sure that he doesn’t know you’re here yet.

“Hey, man,” he greets with a gravelly voice, an edge of fatigue to it you’re familiar with. It’s the kind of tiredness that follows long weeks, as you two had spoken about that first night. For a second, you wonder if he’s still having those. And if he is, how often they happen, if he ever comes home from them and thinks about that night, if he has anyone to call when it’s late and they haunt him.

You know you don’t. Neither Steve nor Robin are ever awake that late, or at least don’t answer the phone at that time of day, and you don’t feel close enough with the rest of the group to burden them like that.

There had been a time where you would wonder if Eddie could have become that person, if the type of conversation you two had at the bar the first night could ever translate over phone lines. But that time had been early on, and was long dead. It laid in an unmarked grave with all your other ponderings of what a friendship with Eddie might look like.

“We can keep you two apart,” Robin whispers, or at least tries to whisper. She’s loud, “He said he had work and wouldn’t make it. We… We thought he wasn’t going to come, so we invited you instead.”

Oh.

Oh, what a knock to your pride. Robin means nothing harmful of the words, they should be neutral and just an explanation offered to you. But your mind takes them in its grasp and runs, runs, runs.

“We thought he wasn’t going to come, so we invited you instead.”

You’re the backup plan. You see it now, and it sucks, but you press your lips into a cellophane smile that Robin can’t see through in her flurry to distract you with an offering of you two plus Steve having another round of drinks. You decide to take a straight shot of the nearest bottle of vodka, swallowing it down to drown your already sinking heart. You fake laugh when Steve tells bad jokes, you make up lies about your dates of the last few weeks, deciding you no longer care if you add in more details to look less pathetic.

You’re the backup plan. So you’re sure they won’t notice when you spin a new version of yourself.

This version of you that spews from your lips has gotten lucky more times in the last month than you have in the last year. This version of you is always the one having the last say in conversations, the one leaving men on read rather than the tables being flipped as they were in reality.

Robin says nothing, even when she notices some of the things you say not aligning with what you’d told her earlier that week. She only side-eyes you as Steve drinks in every detail, only disrupting to suggest another shot.

At some point, she gets too drunk to side-eye you.

“Fuck,” Steve sighs, throwing his head back as he glances out to his living room, where Nancy, Jonathan, Argyle, and Eddie have taken to sitting in an oblong circle around on his and Robin’s furniture, “I need some fresh air. Anyone else?”

“Me,” Robin responds so quickly, you would have made fun of her if you didn’t notice the sickly shade of green creeping up on her.

Steve looks at you, raising an eyebrow, but you only shake your head. It makes the room threaten to spin. Maybe, just maybe, you should have slowed your roll with the vodka shots. Maybe.

“I’ll stay in here, hold down the fort,” you promise, letting your eyes fall shut before you inhale deeply through your nose, exhaling softly through parted lips.

No way. You hadn’t drunk nearly enough tonight to excuse getting sick as Robin was seemingly about to.

Robin and Steve leave you be as you compose yourself. You think you hear them extend the offer to everyone in the living room, but you can’t make out who agrees to go and who stays. But as you listen to all the footsteps making their way out the front door, Steve calling out that they’d be back soon, you start to become convinced you’ll open your eyes to an empty apartment.

You open them to an empty kitchen. So far, so good.

But then a voice clears their throat from the living room, just as you pull your phone out of your pocket. You open it to find the cursed dating app still open, your messages with the bartender still staring you back in your face. The bartender you thought you’d hit it off with. The bartender that had stood you up the night before.

Fuck him, you think bitterly as you turn to find Eddie entering the kitchen. Because of course, given your luck, Eddie was the only one who stayed back.

“Those apps fucking suck,” Eddie notes, using the neck of his beer bottle to gesture in the general direction of your phone.

You look between him and the lit up screen for a moment, finding half the mind to click out of the private messages, “You’ve used them in the past?”

“Nope.”

You wait for a second, giving him the chance to elaborate. But he doesn’t. Of course he doesn’t, he’s Eddie. If he explained himself to you, that would just be too easy.

“Okay,” you sigh, squinting at the page and past the vodka, trying to fumble your way back onto the screen that would show you eligible bachelors in your area, letting you swipe and judge them by solely looks as if they weren’t actual people on the other side of the phone. As if they weren’t more than a reservoir of attention at your fingertips.

Maybe that had been your mistake with the bartender – you let him become a real person to you.

“Why are you even still on them? I heard you’ve been having a shit time with the guys on there – quite the opposite of what you’ve been telling Harrington tonight, might I point out.”

It’s something in the way he says it. One moment, you’re looking down, ignoring him. The next, you can’t help but lift your head in shock. The words all felt sharpened and poised for a kill, ready for an attack you hadn’t expected so early on in the night.

“I-” you don’t know how to defend yourself. You don’t know whether to stick by the lies you’ve told tonight, or to be concerned with who was telling Eddie about your love life, “You win some, you lose some. It’s the nature of the app.”

Eddie grins and leans on a counter across from you, “You haven’t made it sound like you’re losing at all tonight. I nearly started a drinking game with Nance where we took a swig every time you said you managed to pull another ‘fuck ‘em and leave ‘em’. Quite the body count you’ve got there, player.”

You’re drunk. You tell yourself that’s why you take his words straight to heart – you’re drunk, and therefore, you’re sensitive.

“You’re bluffing,” you snap, “You couldn’t hear me from all the way over there.”

“We could.”

“No, you couldn’t.”

“Yes, we could.”

“You’re lying,” you spit finally, crossing your arms defensively. Your emotions were rising too high, too quickly, and you blame the vodka. You blame the vodka and you blame the drink Steve had made you. You blame the bartender who stood you up. And most importantly, you blame Eddie.

“I’m lying? You’re the one who’s been telling Stevie nothing but lies tonight,” Eddie narrows his eyes at you, as if he expects you to shrink in cowardice when he stands up straight and takes several steps across the kitchen to be closer to you, “Why do you need to even lie about all that, anyways? It’s not like the truth would be any more pathetic than the act you’re putting up. Everyone strikes ou-”

“I’m pathetic?” you scoff and interrupt him, not even paying any attention to where he was going. The tips of your ears are starting to flame with a red tinge, “Just last week, you lied to the group. You were trying to avoid being where I’d be and told them you had to walk your neighbor’s dog.”

“I did!”

“Your apartment has a strict no pet policy, Eddie.”

He freezes up entirely, grin faltering before your eyes, “How do you know that?”

“I didn’t, but Nancy did,” you roll your eyes at the cracks in his composure, “It’s all I had to hear about the entire night. How she wishes we could get along, how she hates when you lie to her. Thanks for that, by the way.”

“It’s not my fuckin’ fault you go out with my friends,” Eddie grumbles, reserving himself back to his side of the kitchen. If someone came in and squinted closely, they’d find that imaginary boundary between the two of you, an invisible line that would not be crossed. Not here, not tonight. You wouldn’t touch Eddie Munson with a twelve-foot pole if you could help it.

“And it’s not my fault that you don’t.”

You can see his agitation spreading like wildfire across his face, in the tick of his jaw and the twitch of his eyes. You can practically see the words that linger on his tongue as he bites down on it – it is your fault.

“Whatever. Why are you lying to Steve?” his voice goes monotonous as he crosses his arms, and the muscles strain against his shirt. His leather jacket has long been discarded, probably thrown over the back of the couch or a chair in the living room.

You mirror him, crossing your arms, letting the screen of your phone press into your side, “I’m not lying.”

“You are. With Steve, and with me at this very moment,” his eyebrows furrow and you consider the consequences of chucking your phone at him.

Your irritation, your own agitation, is all bubbling beneath your skin. If it wasn’t for the vodka mingling with it, you would have been squirming from the discomfort. Usually, he doesn’t get to you. Normally, his off-handed comments come with a sting that can quickly fade.

None of the jabs are fading tonight. They only seem to linger. Because he’s right, and you hate that he’s right.

“How the fuck do you even know how my dating life is going?” you uncross your arms, waving your hands wildly into the empty air between you and Eddie, “We aren’t exactly friends. Did Robin tell you? Did Steve tell you?”

Eddie swallows hard, and you can watch the words wash over him, but you’re unsure of which of your drunken slurs specifically got to him. You weren’t wrong in any of your statements, you weren’t outlandish in either of your guesses. But your words have frozen him up all the same and you aren’t sure why.

“You’re right,” when he physically melts, the deathly chill remains in his voice, “We aren’t friends. But Rob and Nance are, and Nance and me are. See where I’m going with that one?”

It’s in the way he says it, confirms it.

We aren’t friends.

He hisses it out as if it were a painful reminder, as if saying those words burn him eternally. He says them as if they are capable of sending ice through his veins and bones alike.

You know why he froze now, and it’s too late.

“Well-” you pause, unsure of how exactly to respond. You’ll be having a talk with Robin, surely. But technically, Nancy was your friend, right? Surely, she was allowed to know the drama of your love life, wasn’t she? “You say that as if Nancy and I aren't friends.”

“Are you?” he tilts his head tauntingly, as if he knows something you don’t.

“We… are.”

He catches the hesitation; he runs with it. He finds the handle of the knife you’d tried to keep so hidden, and he twists as hard as he can.

“Would Nancy agree if we asked her?” he hums, as if he were seriously contemplating this, as if it were a mediocre debate rather than a question of if you had friends or not, “Do you even have her on Instagram?”

“You, her supposed best friend, don’t have her on Instagram.”

“Because I don’t have Instagram, full stop.”

“Instagram isn’t the normal gauge of friendship,” you defend yourself, “Some people can have thousands of followers and no friends.”

You don’t have Nancy on Instagram. You don’t follow her, she doesn’t follow you. The most she’s acknowledged your presence on the app was tagging you in a photo on a night out once.

“It’s not about follower count,” Eddie shrugs, “It’s about mutual followings. That’s how Hollywood dictates whether celebrity couples are still together these days, yeah? If they follow each other. If you’re friends, you’d follow each other.”

The vodka makes you bold. Bold enough to mutter out, “Oh, fuck you,” in response to Eddie’s prodding.

“Wait, I-” you watch an unfamiliar emotion pass over Eddie’s face, something kin to regret. But his words are already out in the air, he’s already twisted the knife in your gut fully. He’s already spilled your blood in the middle of Steve’s kitchen, with no one around to witness it. He did it for himself – he did it for his own pleasure, his own enjoyment.

He enjoys hurting you.

“Save it,” you mutter, slowly deflating as you turn your back to him, facing the counter to grab your drink to nurse your wounds.

If you looked close enough in the corner of the room, you would have seen the shovel you should have used to bury away your hope of a friendship with Eddie. You should have piled the dirt over the casket, should have put 6 feet of soil and earth and worms between you and that fruitless yearning.

But you didn’t. He hadn’t taken it quite far enough yet.

Yet.

But then he had to cross that invisible barrier. He just had to walk across the kitchen, come up behind you, and not mind his own business. He just had to look over your shoulder just as you opened the bartender’s profile again, if for nothing else than to further hurt yourself for the night.

You were so caught up in your own disappointment, you never saw the flash of recognition that crossed Eddie’s face. Only the anger that followed.

—

HOUR FOURTEEN - 5:00 AM

You don’t bother with putting pants back on, only Eddie’s sweatshirt. At this point, pants were just beginning to feel like a nuisance when it came to the two of you. A nicetie, as one might put it.

What were the points of niceties with him if he could never hate you?

You have the entire five minutes he spends in the bathroom to try and compose yourself. To try and desperately ruminate through these feelings and detach them from everything that was transpiring. The emotions didn’t belong here, there weren’t twists of guilt and sorrow of loss involved for Eddie when he was fucking you.

So why is that all you could feel right now?

He could never hate you, but he had spent the last year doing exactly that, hadn’t he?

“Hey,” he reappears in the entryway of the kitchen with the worst possible timing, right in the eye of the storm that had begun to cloud over your mind. He holds up a pack of cigarettes you can only assume he’d snagged from his room, “I’m, uh- I was gonna grab a smoke out on the balcony. Join me?”

There’s something of desperation in the way he asks you. All the words are casual, but his tone is an undermining plea; please say yes, please join me, please let me in. He knows something’s wrong, and he’s not just turning a blind eye and ignoring it this time.

You stare at the pack of Marlboro Reds for a few seconds before shrugging, “Sure.”

It’s certainly not as enthusiastic as you’re sure he was hoping for, but he smiles at the small victory nonetheless.

The first thing you notice about his balcony, aside from the clustered furniture, is the view. You’ve never thought your city to be very charming, always looking at it from a pedestrian’s view or through the lens of a tired, crabby college student embarking on another late night. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d step foot on a higher floor of a building like Eddie’s, one just tall enough to see over the rooftops of most of the mundane buildings, one that could peer right over the skyline and show a new dawn breaking. It’s a flourish of pink, orange, and violet, each shade stealing away another breath. The sun is just barely yawning over the horizon, just finally awakening.

God, you’re going to regret not actually sleeping during this time.

“What’s got you scowling?” Eddie mumbles the question out around a cigarette, pausing with his lighter in midair.

You turn your head, and- just like that, all the anger and confusion melts away. He’s painted in the same shades of the sunrise, in a golden light that almost seems to be emitted from him rather than the waking sun. He is all soft edges and tired eye bags, a stubble that you can imagine the itch of against your palm if you were to reach out a hand to hold his face. If you were to kiss him right now, you fear he might dissolve all over your tongue, leaving nothing but his sweetness behind to remind you it was all real.

It’s real. Even if it doesn’t make sense with what you guys projected before tonight, even if it doesn’t align with how your lives will continue on, tonight was real. You were here, he was here, and what happened…. Simply happened.

I could never hate you.

You get it now. Because in this lighting, with a soft breeze tugging your hair and mind alike, you know you feel the same way about him. And you know it contradicts all you have shown him in the past.

You could never hate him. He could never hate you. It’s unfortunate that that’s what you’d been calling it before tonight – hate.

“It’s going to really suck,” you breathe out half a sentence. Two endings before you: letting this night go or, “Not sleeping for a full twenty four hours.”

You don’t know how he does it, how he looks at you like he knows you had something else to say. But he gives you those eyes, and they almost elicit the truth from you.

Almost.

He throws his head back in laughter, and the pinks and purples and all the fights wasted are now trailing down his neck, “Yeah, it is, isn’t it?”

He’s much better at pretending than you are. You know that now.

“Seriously,” you turn and walk to the railing, crossing your arms against the metal grate before he joins you at your side, “I’ll probably ditch my classes on Monday. I’ll have to sleep twenty four hours straight to even the score.”

“God, I wish I could fuck off for Monday,” Eddie groans. He’s throwing his head back again, and you can’t help but wish you could replace the golden rays with your lips. You wish your warmth could sink beneath his skin like the sun’s does.

“You can’t?” your voice cracks with the question as he finally lights the cigarette between his lips.

He takes a long drag, shaking his head with the exhale of smoke, “Nope. I work Mondays at the shop.”

“The shop?”

“Myo’s,” the way his lips curl around the filter of his cigarette as he fights his grin burns a hole in the middle of your chest. Burning and erupting, yearning and longing, ignored and buried, “The auto shop on Main street.”

You know by the way he looks at you that the name should ring a bell, but considering you don’t own a car, you don’t have the slightest clue what his job is, “Oh, so you’re a mechanic?”

“I- Yeah,” he nods slowly, “Yeah, I’m a mechanic,” he pauses and you can see that he has more to say, it just takes him a moment. He looks off the balcony, shifts his weight between his two feet, takes another drag of nicotine. When he finally gathers his thoughts, you’re patient and waiting, biting back a small smile the moment he whips his face towards you, “Have we seriously never talked about that before? I swear I’ve told you I’m a mechanic.”

“Nope, seriously. Never.”

“There’s no fuckin’ way.”

“There absolutely is a way,” you laugh, letting your head fall backwards and not catching the way his gaze falls on you. The sunrise paints you in just as beautiful of a lighting as it had him. If someone asked you, you’d say that you doubt he noticed, but he did. He noticed. He always noticed, “Usually, by now, we’d be at each other’s throats.”

“We sort of were,” he shrugs, eyes still glued to how your collarbone peaks out from beneath his sweatshirt, “Surprised we didn’t leave more hickies.”

The topic you’d been avoiding. The topic he seemed indifferent about.

I could never hate you.

You decide to put his words to the test.

“Are we going to talk about it?” you ask, looking down now and picking at flakes along the metal railing, still not noticing him noticing you, “About…. what we just did?”

“Are you always this straight to the point?” he chuckles nervously. In your peripherals, you catch the way he leans and mirrors you, side by side on the railing. His light cigarette hung loosely between indifferent fingers. Indifference, indifference, indifference.

If you’d just look at him, you’d see anything but indifference written across his face.

“Only when it matters,” you reply, breathing in his secondhand smoke, “Only when it’s important.”

His pinky is within reach of yours once more, just like at the parking garage. Even after feeling the entire expanse of his bare skin against yours, you still crave more – you crave for the intimacy that comes from hooking pinkies as grown adults, from knuckles curling into each other like hinges of a door of possibility.

You don’t see the way he swallows hard, or how he nods subtly to himself before he says, “Alright. Let’s talk about it.”

Those words make you look at him quickly, taken back and not expecting for him to give so easily. If you had noticed him noticing you, it would have been the expected reaction; if you’d seen the way his eyes traced over the pink and orange shadows of your features, you’d know he can’t really say no to you. Not anymore.

“Yeah?” you only ask for the confirmation because you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He won’t let it. He holds it tightly, just nodding, “Yeah. I… You deserve my honesty.”

You deserve my honesty.

I could never hate you.

“I’m starting to get a bad feeling of deja vu, Eddie. We don’t have to do honesty if you don’t want to-”

“Ask me anything. Right here, right now. I’ll answer with the full truth.”

You flashback to hours before, when he’d offered his honesty this willingly and you’d only thrown it back in his face. But right now isn’t that moment, the two of you aren’t in the heat of an argument, there isn’t an impending doom on the horizon and the weight of the night no longer rests on either of your shoulders.

You don’t care as much about why he hates you now, or what he meant by never hating you to begin with. You don’t care much about the porn magazines and you don’t care what changed that first night.

They’re all petty details that have had too long to gather dust.

You do care about his job, you do care to know why he chose to fix cars. You do care about if he still takes night classes, and if yes, which ones. You care to know his favorite color and you care to know how he takes his coffee in the morning. Maybe you even care to know if he has a favorite coffee shop.

You care to know all the new petty details you’d never uncovered about him. Miniscule bits and pieces of him you crave to hold in your hands, if only just for tonight- or today, at this point.

But you need a baseline question. Something that won’t throw him off, but really doesn’t twist around your heart as severely as the others. Something that does neither damage nor nurture to the vines and blooms still occupying your chest.

You suddenly remember a small detail that had been revealed to you by a third party tonight, “Okay, um, well…” you ponder on phrasing, and Eddie edges ever so closer to you, “At that bar we went to tonight, the bartender – Frank – mentioned how you’d been going there for about six months.”

Eddie pales, but he nods nonetheless. Maybe the question is more loaded than you’d anticipated.

“I guess... I…” you continue to stumble over your words and it only leaves Eddie more time to panic, “I’m just curious why you started going? Yeah, yeah. That’s… that’s my question,” you tilt your chin up, try to be seem more confident in your question.

Even in his panic and sudden blanching, Eddie looks ready to laugh at you as his eyebrows scrunch. Somewhere between the wrinkles, you swear you could find something like affection, “That’s your question? Why did I start going to a bar that’s conveniently close to my apartment?”

Maybe it is a good baseline question. Maybe he was just nervous from the other possible questions you could have asked about your time spent together at the bar.

“That’s my question,” you confirm.

The color isn’t returning to Eddie. His hand shakes when he brings his cigarette to his lips. His breath is evidently shaky on the exhale as the smoke puffs out unevenly.

It’s not a good baseline question.

“I…” he won’t meet your gaze, and all your gut can do is twist, twist, twist in anticipation, “I got kicked out of my last bar I was a regular at.”

“Got kicked out? Why?”

It’s ripping the bandaid off the wound of honesty, and neither of you even realize it. Neither of you notice the blood of your history catching up to you.

Eddie sighs and rolls his shoulders before looking at you, “I got into a fight.”

Your twisted gut stills. A fight? Why is he freaking out so evidently over a fight? Does he think you’ll judge him that harshly?

“A fight?” you echo your thoughts with a soft laugh into the morning air, “You… Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing? Jesus, did you go to jail that night? That would suck, but… Eddie, I won’t judg-”

“I didn’t go to jail,” he interrupts, “I mean, they should have called the cops on me, but they didn’t. They gave me a second option of leaving immediately, and being banned for life, effective the moment I stepped out of the building that night. I took the ban.”

“Well,” you relax your shoulders, looking over at the rising sun, “That’s nice of them, I guess, right? I’m sure whatever mean drunk swung their fist at you deserved to get their ass handed to them-”

Eddie interrupts you with a soft utterance of your name, making you look back to his hues of gold instead of the sky’s, “I swung first.”

Oh. Maybe that’s why he still looks so wrecked with nerves. Maybe he thinks that’s the piece you’ll judge him on – it has to be the reason you can see sweat gathering along his eyebrow, just beneath his bangs. “Then I’m sure whoever it was deserved it? I-”

“He did,” he interrupts one final time. You’re about to finally snap at you, telling him to just let you speak, to just accept that you weren’t going to judge him over some bar brawl, when he drops the final bomb of an answer. Here is the honesty, you both realize at the same time, as his words slice through you, “It was about you. I got banned because of you.”

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#twenty four hours #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fic #gotta blast off to the gym now lol

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asratery · 1 year ago

Text

Miguel O'Hara x Spider-Man!Male Reader Pt. 3

Miguel gets his face f_cked just like you promised(?) him. Also you're not being a very good partner atm :( but y'all will prevail 😇

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

cw: dildo :D, attempted edging, masturbation, self-consciousness, slight angst, slight communication issues, sexual frustration, oral sex (receiving), crying. miguel is a crybaby, dirty talk, hair pulling, mmm eye contact, pet names, rimjob, implied anal sex

Heyy 😀 so yea i mentioned at the end of pt. 2 that i wanted to write miguel giving head so here we are

(word count: 4.6K+)

Miguel had found it to be particularly frustrating that you preferred emotional intimacy over physical. You completely bamboozled him, making him believe that you were some secretly sexual being after your first night together, but your lack of initiation in anything past kissing afterwards had disproved this. Don't get him wrong, he loved that you always had an open ear to listen to him vent or give him advice, whether it be through an earpiece while you were traveling through some random Earth or while you sat in his office, filling out paperwork for a recent mission. But the man had needs, and he so badly wanted you to put your hands on him as of lately.

He found himself pulling up audios of you from your missions, fucking himself on fingers that couldn't compare to the thickness of yours, desperately rutting into his pillows while you stayed in your own dimension, dealing with business in the day and villains in the night.

"Fuck." Miguel groaned out, his legs bent to his chest and spread wide as he slid two digits along his walls. He couldn't reach that bundle of nerves that your cock so perfectly rocked against when you fucked him. Fuck, how long has it been? Two months? Three? You both had mutually decided not to initiate sex or anything physically strenuous again until you had fully recovered. Which was six weeks ago. What the hell were you holding off on? There's no way there were so many villains you had to take care of in your world that you couldn't come spend a night with your boyfriend.

Miguel wanted to cry. He'd spent the past hour trying to edge himself, but he couldn't even bring himself close, his fingers weren't enough to satisfy the heat in his core that was begging for you. Miguel's eyes darted over to his nightstand. He still had a couple toys left in his the bottom drawer. He bought them only three weeks after you joined the Society, unable to hold back his own fantasies at the time. He would spend nights pretending it was you as he'd pump the lacking imitation inside him, and to think that he got that reality only months ago with an even bigger 'toy' gave him a sense of pride.

He slid the drawer open, dipping his hand down to grab a very familiar friend. The toy was six inches in length and four in girth, incomparable to your hard ten inches, but it was going to have to suffice for tonight. Miguel felt embarrassed at the sight of it, sneaking it out of the drawer even in the privacy of his room. He always felt unexplainably shy about these things, not afraid to let you stare at him as he preps himself, but to fuck himself with a toy in seclusion? How humiliating.

Miguel pressed the tip of the dildo to his prepped hole, the damned thing fluttering at the feeling. He wanted you so badly. He didn't think he could even put it into words. The toy slid in easily, giving Miguel a feeling of fullness, but only a fraction compared to you. The tip just barely brushed against his prostate, causing his thighs to tremble at the feeling. It felt like the toy was fucking taunting him, just skirting over the neediest part of him, reminding him of the lacking presence of you in his bed. Inside him. If Miguel knew you were going to have the libido of a monk, he would've tied you up in his home the day you were released from the infirmary. But he didn't. And now he was laying in his bed, rocking an inadequate replacement into his hole, on the verge of tears as his shaky hand stroked his weeping cock.

Fuck, was it him? Was he acting like a horny teen or was he just not enough for you? The thought sprung tears into his eyes, the self-consciousness he had once abandoned returning even heavier in his chest. Miguel was already nervous about the age gap between you two, being seven years older, but the thought of you in your own world, surrounded by beautiful men and women during your work days, using your charm to secure deals for your own business, had warm tears spilling down the sides of his face. He bit his bottom lip, willing himself to not let out a sob as he kept moving the toy inside him, his other arm wrapped under his knees, keeping his thighs pressed to his chest.

Miguel was a pathetic sight at the moment. If you could see him like this, it would've broken your heart. But you weren't there. You were at some elaborate dinner, speaking with political figures from around your world, flashing toothy grins and shaking hands, oblivious to your own neglectful behavior. The night was long, and Miguel spent it weeping.

Most people in the Spider Society were aware that there was something romantic between you two, whether it be the bashful look on Miguel's face when you walked into a room, the way you'd wrap one of your Herculean arms around his waist and pull him into a tight hug before hopping through a portal for your next mission, or the way Miguel would just blatantly eyefuck you when you'd speak even just a few words during meetings. Some were surprised, some weren't. The only real surprise though was just how much more relaxed Miguel became after you’d joined the Society, trusting your intellect enough to make plans of action as well as challenge his own decisions with your ideas. Even with your silent nature, just your presence alone seemed to make Miguel’s life a lot less tense.

So when Miguel walked into HQ looking worryingly exhausted the following morning, most of the spider people spared a second glance at their boss as he made his way to his office. He couldn't cum last night. Not even once. He had to stand on shaky legs, moving to the bathroom for a cold shower as he admitted defeat. And then he cried into his pillows. Maybe he was right in his worries a few months ago. Maybe this was just a quick fuck on your end and maybe the sweet words you whispered into his ear that night were to keep him hooked on you. He sat in the office chair in front his desk as Lyla booted up the system. She didn't mention anything, simply giving Miguel a worried look as he rubbed his hands over his tired face. She knew it was about you, but she also knew not to mention it.

The door to the office creaked open as Jessica made her way in, quickly swinging up to the platform before approaching him. "You look tired." She said in a low tone, placing a coffee on Miguel's desk as she sipped at her own. "Didn't sleep well last night?" Miguel gave her a slight glare that confirmed her suspicions before turning his gaze back to his monitors. "Was busy with work." He mumbled back, clicking away on a keyboard. Jessica gave a confused glance at Lyla, who returned the gesture. She dropped down to the lower platform, approaching the briefing table as she flipped through pages and pages of documents you had filled over the past few weeks for anomalies you successfully hunted down. "Huh, y/n forgot to fill out the papers for the anomaly on Earth-XX." Jessica murmured. "I'll call him in." Miguel's half-lidded eyes widened at her words, quickly turning in his chair to rush to the edge of his platform.

Before he could even get a word out, Jessica had already sent an alert out to your wristwatch. Miguel groaned, muttering something in Spanish before nearly shouting at her. "You didn't need to call him in, he—I could've just filled it out myself." "Yes, but you wouldn't have all the details y/n has. You know how descriptive he is in his summaries." She replied, crossing her arms. She didn't understand why Miguel was being so anal about the topic. "Just... Just go, I'll explain it to him when he gets here." Miguel muttered, placing his head in his hands before receding to sit back in his chair. Jessica raised an eyebrow at Lyla, who shrugged in response, before giving him a curt farewell and leaving his office.

You didn't come. You were busy in your world, and the alert Jessica sent told you it wasn't anything immediate. Miguel could feel his heart fluttering at the idea of you visiting HQ after so long, but as the hours passed, that excitement was slowly chipping away before he was eventually left with the same feelings of disappointment he felt the previous night.

You had finally found the time to visit HQ well into the night, being able to slip away from the banquet hall before forming a portal with your wristwatch, taking a step through and finding yourself in your boyfriend's office. Miguel was already sat at the briefing table, the surface scattered with your papers as he analyzed your handwriting. You approached him, placing a heavy hand on his shoulder before leaning down, pressing a kiss to the side of the silent man's forehead.

You placed a short stack of papers on the table, your hand still resting on his shoulder. "I already filled the papers out, took a copy of them home with me a while back but forgot to bring them back in." You murmured, a soft look in your sharp eyes as you looked down at Miguel, whose eyes were now focused on his intertwined hands in his lap. Just when you were about to speak again, Miguel beat you to it. "We need to talk." He said in a low tone. You pulled a chair next to him, moving to sit down as he stood from his own chair. You grabbed his hips, forcing him to face you as you looked up at him, not letting him move from his standing position between your legs. "Talk to me, cariño." You murmured, hoping to comfort him with your words. It did the opposite, tears welling in Miguel's older eyes, a flash of despair in his expression that had you shocked.

You quickly stood from your chair, sliding your hands up to wrap around his waist, pulling him flush against you. You felt confused as you felt his gloved hands weakly press against your chest, trying to create distance between you two. You gave him only a few inches of space, though you kept your arms tightly wound around him. “Oh, baby.” Your voice was soft at the sight of a few stray tears trickling down his pretty face as his hands stayed pressed against your chest. It would've been comforting if he wasn't still pushing against you. "Miguel." You said firmly, your tone prompting him to stop resisting, instead resting his hands in their position as he leaned his head forward, his forehead pressed against the top of your suit vest.

Miguel was trying so hard to stay angry with you, but you looked so damned good in your full black suit. How dare you come to his office dressed to the nines after depriving him of sex for so long? Your hand came up to hold the back of his hair, your chin resting on the top of his head. "Was this a mistake?" Miguel asked in a whisper, his eyes screwed shut when you grabbed his shoulders, pulling away to look down at him in shock. He was immediately filled with regret when he opened his eyes again to be met with the hurt in your gaze. "Where is this coming from?" You asked in a low tone as you looked down at him, taking notice of the extended fangs peeking out of his mouth. A sign of frustration. Frustration from what exactly?

"Are you serious?" Miguel responded with a hint of anger. "Yes?" You were quick with your response, trying to get to the bottom of Miguel's attitude as you wiped at his tears. Miguel pouted slightly as he pushed out of your hold, turning away from you as he used the back of his hand to wipe at the rest of his tears. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's up, Miguel." Miguel spun around, looking up at you in irritation, his clawed hands balling into fists at his sides. The average person would cower under his gaze, but you took a step towards him, knowing that the man wouldn't hurt you. At least not in a way you wouldn't enjoy. Miguel took a step back in response, prompting you to grit your teeth in irritation. "Don't play this game, mami." You spoke in a low, almost predatory tone. "You know I love a chase."

A wave of arousal traveled up Miguel's spine, the combination of your threatening words and the fitted black suit adorning your strong physique causing a tingling feeling in his pants. No. Now wasn't the time to get all horny and shit. He was mad at you, and he was staying mad at you. "I shouldn't have to tell you the obvious." "Clearly it's not obvious if I'm sitting here trying to drag it out of you." You snapped back. "You're frustrated, Miguel, I can see it in your face." Your tone was softer now as you gestured to his sharp talons. Miguel cut his eyes shut as he spoke in a harsh tone. "Just leave, y/n, you already brought what I needed. Just go." Miguel flinched when he opened his eyes, his view blocked by your broad chest as you towered over him.

He couldn’t push away in time, enveloped by the warmth of your burly arms as you pressed him flush against you, tucking his head against your neck. “Get. Off.” “Why’re you always so cold?” Miguel could hear that calmness in your voice, but it only seemed to irritate him more. He leaned his head back, though he couldn’t move his body with your limbs wrapped around him. He glared up at you, but you kept a neutral expression, a softness in your eyes. “You’re always cold. Whether it be your hands, your nose, or your ears.” Miguel was confused. The fuck are you talking about? “You’re just too damn warm.” To be fair, he was right. Your body seemed to emit heat like it was the sun itself. Miguel flinched when you leaned down, brushing the tip of your nose against his colder one.

His bottom lip trembled. You took notice, not wasting a second in his moment of distraction as you leaned down, pressing a soft kiss against his lips. Miguel flinched again, a moment of hesitation before he returned it. But he was rough. Much rougher. His tongue immediately slid into your mouth, fangs nipping at your lips as his clawed hands grasped at your blazer, tearing the fabric. Fuck this suit. And fuck whatever event you had to wear it to, further keeping you from him.

You were still so gentle in your kisses, to the point that it pissed him off. Maybe make up sex was necessary, but you were going to be gentle with him in foreplay at least, take your time breaking him down. You pulled away, staring down at him with star-struck eyes before leaning back in, pressing tender kisses along his face. The corners of his mouth, the skin below his eyes, his high cheekbones, before eventually returning to his lips. Miguel's anger seemed to just melt away under your touch, returning your gentleness in the kisses, his way of apologizing for his previous aggressive behavior.

You pulled away again, looking down at his teary eyes. “You gotta tell me what’s up, sweet thing. I’m not trying to act oblivious.” Your voice was a murmur as your hands rubbed circles into his back. “I need you. I’ve needed you for weeks now.” Miguel muttered, a hint of guilt on his face at the sight of your abused lips from his fangs. “Well, you gotta tell me when you do. I’m not with you only for this.” You patted his butt, chuckling at Miguel’s bashful expression. Miguel loved the little romantic gestures that came out of you after becoming exclusive, something he never thought he'd experience since you'd always been so robotic prior to him making a move.

“What do you need tonight, cariño?” Miguel thought for a moment before looking up at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “You promised me something that night. I want it.” You were confused for a moment, trying to recall the memory from months back. ‘Can’t wait to fuck that pretty mouth of yours when I’m out of here.’ Oh. “Miguel…” You wanted to be gentle tonight, since you didn’t get much of a chance to with the suddenness of your first time with Miguel. “You promised.” “That technically wasn’t a prom—” “Y/n. I need you. Just give me this one thing and then you can be as gentle as you want.” A moment of silence. “Tap my thigh twice if you want me to stop, yea?”

Miguel's back was pressed flush against the wall as he sat kneeled between your legs, your feet planted next to his thighs as you steadily fucked your cock into his mouth. The room was filled with the muffled gags coming from Miguel's throat as he struggled to fit his lips around your girth, unable to escape your deep thrusts with the back of his head pressed against the wall.

Miguel was such a whiny bitch, thick tears streaming down his cheeks at your pace, barely giving him room to breathe. His clawed hands dug at your thighs, tearing into your dress pants. The pain only added to the experience as you increased your pace, placing your forearm against the wall as you looked down at him. He looked up at you, a pleading look in his teary eyes as fluids leaked down his chin, saliva bubbling around his puffy lips as you slid your cock out of his mouth.

"Open your throat." You growled out before shoving your cock back into the warmth of his mouth. You sunk in even further, the tip of your cock slipping a couple inches down his throat as Miguel's eyes rolled back. He made a muffled noise, sending vibrations up your length as you groaned, your hips jerking forward and sinking even deeper. You held your hips in place for a bit, watching Miguel's eyes get gradually more hazy at the lack of air as his throat constricted around you.

Repeating the motion, you slid your thick cock out a few inches back, watching Miguel inhale desperately through his nose, his abused lips wrapped around you before thrusting your hips forward, burying yourself nearly three quarters of the way. You groaned at the sensation, running a hand through Miguel's hair as he looked up at you in awe. "This what you wanted? Hm?" You said in an undertone, rolling your hips slightly. "Wanted my cock down your throat?" Miguel nodded, or at least he attempted to.

You wiped at his flowing tears, your thumbs brushing against his eyelashes as you cooed to him. "You got me, baby. I told you, I'll give you everything, all of me. You just gotta tell me when you need it." You stroked his hair as you slid your cock out of his mouth, saliva connected between his swollen lips and your leaking cock. Miguel dragged his tongue up the underside of your cock, collecting his saliva and the precum dripping down your length into his mouth before swallowing. "You missed it, mami?" You spoke breathily. "Mhm." Miguel's response was short, wrapping his pretty mouth around the tip of your cock as one of his clawed hands reached up, stroking your shaft.

Your eyes shifted down to his hard cock, straining against the fabric of his suit. How were you so irresponsible? This man had been pining for you for months and when he finally let himself be vulnerable with you, you distanced yourself. Even if it was unintentional, it was unforgivable in your mind and you'd be spending the next few weeks making it up to him. "I'm close, baby." You grunted out, your eyes focused on how Miguel's soft tongue laved over the slit of your cock, his pretty lashes damp with tears from your previous brutality.

Miguel took the hint, sinking his mouth down on you as much as he could. Resting his hands on your thighs, he looked up at you, waiting for you. You reached a hand down, gripping Miguel's brown locks before moving his mouth on your cock. It was mesmerizing just as much as it was filthy. Watching your cock disappear in his mouth, steadily sinking deeper with each thrust as the sounds of Miguel’s muffled gags and choked whimpers bounced off the walls of his office. His mouth slid over every vein, your milky fluid building up around the corners of his reddened lips every time you got to his throat's limit.

“Such a pretty mouth.” You murmured, groaning as you increased your pace, snapping your hips forward to meet the harsh pulling of your hand. Miguel relaxed in your hold, letting your cock sink into his throat with each thrust as he felt you getting closer to your climax. When you did, you held him in place, your cock nestled deep in his warmth as your thick release coated the walls of his throat. You kept yours fingers intertwined behind his neck as he fought to keep his eyes from rolling back, his throat constricting around your length as he attempted to swallow your cum, forcing more out of you. Milking you.

When you finally released your hold, you leaned forward, pressing your forearms to the wall as you breathed heavily. Miguel lapped at your cock, cleaning you off as he looked up at you, adoration in his blown pupils as he tried to steady his breathing.

“You know, I’ve never been to your place.”

When the two of you went back to his apartment, you found his little ‘toy’ while searching for lube in his drawers, forcing him to ashamedly confess to his attempts to edge himself. Miguel was filled with a bit of fear at the wolfish look in your lustful eyes as you practically growled at him. “Show me.” And that’s how Miguel ended up in the exact same humiliating position from the previous, lonelier night, his arm wrapped under the backs of his knees as he kept them pressed to his chest, laid on his back as his other gripped at one of your knees. Tears slid down the sides of Miguel’s face, getting lost in his ruffled hair as three of your thick fingers slid along his sensitive walls. His soft cries filled the room as his greedy hole took your fingers in to the last knuckle.

“I wanna—hic—I want your cock. Please, please, m’ prepped enough.” His cry of your name was choked off by a whimper when he felt your tongue roughly glide up his length, his back arching into the sensation. “You feel this area here?” You curled your finger slightly, pressing against a spot that had Miguel reeling, a shaky moan escaping him at the feeling. “This is that sweet spot you were trying to reach, baby.” You further emphasized it by massaging the pads of your fingers against that beautiful area, causing Miguel’s eyes to roll back as his back arched off the bed, quavering pleas tumbling out of his mouth in his native tongue.

Just when you felt him start to flutter around your fingers, you pulled back, watching his pretty hole clench around nothing as his cock dripped precum onto his abs. Miguel cried out in despair, new tears flowing down his flushed cheeks at the deprivation of his orgasm. A part of you felt guilty for making him cry so hard, but that was quickly brushed aside as you watched a drip of lube leak from his pretty hole. God, you couldn’t wait to bury yourself in that.

You pulled your cock out of your dress pants again, already hard as you stroked it. You were taunting him, Miguel could tell, kneeled in front of him, still in your full suit minus your tattered blazer, lost somewhere on the floor of his bedroom as you stroked yourself. “Please.” Miguel whimpered softly, his eyes trained on your moving hand. You looked so fucking good, having rolled your sleeves up a while back, exposing your thick forearms and the muscle that traveled well up the covered section of your arms.

You removed your hand from your cock, moving back in. Just when Miguel thought you were ready to fuck him, his hopes were quickly extinguished when you pressed the tip of his little toy to his hole. “I want you to show me exactly what you did last night.” You said in a low tone as Miguel looked up at you with his teary eyes, nodding at your command. His hand moved from your knee to the base of the toy, slowly sliding it inside his fluttering hole. You weren’t worried about him cumming from it, confident that it couldn’t compare to the sensations your own girth gave him. You returned to stroking your cock as you watched him pump the toy into himself, your other hand rubbing circles into his hip.

“Look so pretty like this, doll.” You murmured, the tip of your cock dangerously close to his moving hand. Miguel flushed in response, biting his lower lip as his eyes focused on your weeping manhood. His hips were propped up on a pillow, giving you a delicious view, his ass being presented to you on a silver platter. Miguel wiggled his hips around a bit, trying to lure you to just bury that mouthwatering cock inside him. You gave in. Or at least he thought you did. “Take it out.” You growled out in frustration. Miguel quickly slid the toy out, a giddy smile spreading across his face that was quickly cracked by a broken moan spilling past his lips at the feeling of you laving your wet tongue over his hole, feeling it twitch at the rough texture.

“I—mmmngh—y/n—wait, please—” Miguel couldn’t even get a full sentence out as his head fell back against the sheets, both of his arms wrapped under his knees and pressed to his shoulders, giving you full access. You gripped his hips tightly, yanking them higher and giving you a better angle. Miguel let out a squeak when your tongue slid into his hole, your lips pressed against his skin as you fucked your tongue in and out of him. Miguel was hypnotized by your actions, his eyes clouded with lust as soft whimpers spilled past his drooling mouth.

Miguel was on the verge of cumming by the time you slipped your tongue back out and the sight of you sliding your pants midway down your hefty thighs as you knelt between his legs wasn’t helping. Your thighs were fucking beautiful, solid muscles carved into thick flesh that was further accentuated by your prominent v-line. God, could he convince you to ride him one day? Get the blessing of watching those powerful thighs flex and contract as you moved in his lap? Had you ever even bottomed before? If there’s someone out there who got to experience such a luxury, he’d find them and kill them himself.

The horny idiot was on the verge of blurting these questions out, but was quickly distracted by the feeling of your heavy cock pressing against his puffy hole. “Tell Lyla to clear your schedule for tomorrow.”

Fuck, maybe those thoughts could wait another day.

heyyy 😀 it’s been like two weeks since I posted heehee 😁 so sorry, I was busy with work and other personal events. Forgive me 🙏

Feel free to let me know about any typos, this was all done on my phone

#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x male reader #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel ohara x reader #miguel o'hara #miguel x reader #astv miguel #x male reader #dom male reader #sub miguel o'hara #sub!miguel o’hara

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rosesnink · 1 month ago

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artist and writer love

i'm a day late, but let me love y'all anyways

starting with the writers-

@princess-geek & @missameliep - my sweet, beloved dani and debora, my closest friends in this hellsite. it's been almost six years since we became friends (where did the time go?!) and my, what a ride it's been! you guys have been my rocks for longer than anyone, and i can't imagine writing without telling you girls about it, and i hope that one day we may meet and take the writing world by storm! i love you both and i hope that more years are ahead of us

@storyofmychoices - sweet dani, you organizing this every year and making of this fandom something easier to make is no small feat, and i'm thankful i've been getting to know you personally and to call you a dear friend <3 thank you for not only giving us this, but also write such amazing cute little drabbles that just warm me on terrible days

@aria-ashryver - my beloved aria, getting to know you these past months has been the sweetest treat. you're not full of light because you ARE light itself, wherever you go, it seems to follow you, even across the sea, and despite going through it you remain kind and loving, which can be difficult. i really admire you and i hope to one day be half the woman and author that you are

@lilyoffandoms - lils, you have been there from the beginning of my fandom journey, and while we've had our bumps, you're a key part of my life, and i like to read your stuff from time to time, because it's seriously awesome, and your art?! it's so unique and really stands out from the others, to the point where i say 'oh, lily has posted new art!' without needing to double-check who posted what. thank you for putting up with me, which is no small feat, and to more years together! (also, maiele is next on my mcs interacting victim)

@thosehallowedhalls - queridisima cee, even though we haven't known each other for long, you've become so dear to me, and i confess i couldn't bring myself to write more of nerea's journey without you being here, cause it seemed pointless if i couldn't send you spinnets and gush over how nerea is slowly gravitating towards bas, but now that you're here... get ready, cause nere's story has just taken off, and things are about to get interesting!

@dutifullynuttywitch - cherie, your ocs are beautiful, your writing is simply poetic and gorgeous and you are such a sweet person, i smile when i see you on my dash, and even though you gravitate more towards rc these days (and i do not blame you, it's going to the dogs lately) i'm thankful for your presence and i hope we can begin properly talking this 2025! merci for everything, chou <3 (salut from spain!! and pardon my hyperbasic and terrible french lol)

@aallotarenunelma - sweet aallotar, i couldn't cap the writers section without finishing with you because it'd be basphemous. each of your ocs are so unique, detailed and perfectly written, and you give them a part of your finnish culture, which makes them stand out from the crowd, and are so richly-crafted, it's easy to fall in love with them. you are one of my prime role models for both as a person and creator, and i hope that one day we can meet and give you all the hugs you deserve, since i plan to study abroad in the north someday

and now, moving onto the artists...

@erixadraws - sweet erica, your art is outwordly, such a calming and colorful painting that i want to stay in, and raya is such a gorgeous and sweet girl, i enjoyed writing her with my dear brienne, and i love to gush over tfoa with you! thank you for your amazing drawings, which aren't short on magic. seriously, you should animate a children's series someday!

@oh-so-youre-a-nerd - queride elliott, your art is simply out of this world, and you always manage to take it to a new level i thought impossible, and your magic hands can do the most outstanding things i've ever seen in my fandom career, but most of all, i'm thankful for our friendship and how you've always been there for me in every aspect <3 thank you for everything, el <3

@cadybear420 - dear cady, your edits are simply fabulous, you always manage to outdo yourself and each of your mcs are so developed, so unique from one another and you add it a certain touch that always makes me go 'oh, that oc must be cady's!' because they all have that cady magic few can master, and your presence in the fandom is a much needed breath of fresh air!

@swallowandsun - lily, i know that you and i met on another fandom, but you being here makes me so happy, and your ocs, no matter the fandom, are always so amazingly made, and fit the narrative so well, it's admirable, and your gifs and videos?! chef's kiss. the fandom's not ready for you, girl!

@zhoras-bitch - i know that rn you're mia, but you're such a sweet person, and i think of your edits and ocs thrice a day, and getting to know you and see you grow has been a treat, and i hope i can see you again here, at your own time and pace ofc <3

and you, don't worry if you didn't have a shoutout from me, there's more days to come ;)

@choicesfandomappreciation

#choicesspreadkindness #choicesspreadkindness24 #mutuals #fandom positivity

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laurenttheninth · 1 month ago

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seeing a lot of stuff on my dash and i'm chronically incapable of letting things be:

tldr: the show setting up numerous tiny obstacles/indicators that bucktommy was heading for a breakup pretty much from the start =/= tommy was a jackass and a bad boyfriend and everyone secretly hated him

"eddie had to say athena was bobby's wife bc tommy didn't know who athena was" i'll give it to y'all, this line seems clunky to me, and strange. however. tommy stole a helicopter to help rescue athena and bobby from the cruise ship, not only does he know who she is, they presumably met during that whole ordeal. it is possible that he didn't know she didn't take bobby's surname/didn't know her rank, but my initial read of those lines was eddie knocking the wind out of buck's investigation-mode formality, in the sense of "you didn't 'contact srg grant for an update on the investigation', you texted your bossdad's wife, u dork"

tommy got buck basketball tickets as a little nod to the close-watching audience that a breakup was imminent, not some indicator to all audiences that tommy is an awful bf. because buck probably never admitted "i actually don't like basketball i just showed up that day because i was compelled by bisexual chaos energy" because. who would admit that. also i doubt most of the general audience rememebered maddie's line about buck not liking basketball as evidenced by my mom, a ga member, whose response when i asked her what she thought of the gift was "those were probably expensive." she, and i will go on record saying my mom hates bucktommy for bad reasons*, also said she "thought it was a cute gift because they played a little basketball game before they started dating"

buck asking if tommy had any history with women =/= buck not knowing tommy is gay. this is literally just a question about tommy's past being introduced as a vehicle for the abby reveal. especially since buck only realized his own queerness six months ago, him being curious about this makes sense. "six months is so late to be asking that" well you see it's a tv show that spent like half of that time on hiatus so we could not see things happening and since, again, it's a tv show, the audience needs to see things happening

"tommy didn't tell buck about the engagement" he did tell him, though. at dinner. we saw it happen. "he should have told him sooner" he told him when it came up. "after six months!!!" which is objectively not a long time to be dating someone.

"buck didn't tell tommy about abby" this is a genuine question: do y'all seriously, within the first few months of dating a fellow grown adult, sit down and go through a list of every one of your exes? why WOULD he tell tommy unless prompted? and when it was prompted, he DID tell tommy. so like. what else do we expect here

tommy not being in the 118 groupchat is also very normal. athena's in there bc she's bobby's wife and hen's her best friend and she's known then all very closely for almost a decade. yeah we got a beat of specifically showing that tommy was not in the groupchat at that was presumably foreshadowing the breakup, but tommy not being in the gc in general is not some sign that the relationship was toxic, it was a normal moment highlighted for narrative purposes

#i love being a hater as much as the next guy but you gotta hate accurately or you're just weakening your own arguments #*my mom hates bucktommy bc she thinks any age difference greater than five years is awfulbad no matter how old the people are #AND because tommy's fashion sense/vocal rhythms remind her of her friend's husband whom she does not like

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thataddylady · 6 months ago

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Analysis: 'To Sir Phillip with Love'

Ok y'all i can't sleep so here is part two.

When we meet Phillip in 'To Sir Phillip with Love', he is trying to claw his way out of depression himself.

He's on the other side of a very unhappy and lonely marriage and has just finished burying his wife who he frankly thinks died to get away from him and return to her first love. He is the only person who is aware of Marina's suicide attempt.

The only thing that terrifies him more than his own temper (which he got from dear old dad) is sadness. He is deeply triggered by it. This is important to keep in mind.

In the books Marina is Eloise's cousin, so he writes to the family to inform them of her death and Eloise responds. They strike up a correspondence and Phillip, who has two motherless children takes a shot in the dark and asks Eloise to marry him. If she's willing to visit his home he'll make arrangements (get a chaperone etc) to see if they will get along in person and take things from there.

Hot Take: Phillip treats Eloise shabbily when she arrives, but this is... a bold take.

Eloise, freshly freaked out by her spinster buddy marrying her brother, legit disappears during a ball and takes off to Phillip's estate without notifying her family or more importantly, Sir Phillip. So our girl shows up on this man's doorstep, talking non-stop as she is wont to do and he has had no warning or inkling as to who she is or why she has arrived there. He's not expecting her as weeks have passed since his last letter suggesting marriage with no response from her. Like a normal person, he thinks "Welp, it was nice having someone to talk to while it lasted. Back to the wilderness of my life."

When Eloise shows up he is flabbergasted as her appearance and generally awkward because he has no idea what to do next. He hasn't had company in around ten years, he hasn't had much social interaction at all outside of his kids (who are delightful little gremlins) and his servants. Our scholar is now a socially awkward adult with trauma and low self-esteem.

Hot take: Phillip is a distant father who doesn't care about his children and just wants a housekeeper/ nanny he can have sex with so he doesn't have to bother with them.

So first of all, Phillip loves his children, those are his damn babies. And a close reading will show that his children are in fact going off the rails because they are used to him being a present and engaged father. They are used to hanging out with him in his green house or going on nature walks with him. He was the active parent with them while their mother was alive. But Phillip is not in a place where he can cope with them when we meet him in the books and hasn't been for months. As a result, they are doing what children do in a bid for attention. They are causing havoc.

And as a parent who is already overwhelmed Phillip is doing his level best. He deeply loves his children but he is overwhelmed by what they need from him because he is drowning mentally and emotionally in PTSD. He needs space and time but they need him so what do they do? They riot. When they riot he gets angry but as noted before he is a large man who is terrified of losing his temper with his children and hurting them. So he avoids them most times.

Think the first Nanny McPhee movie.

But it's important to note this has only been the state of affairs for around six months. The ten years before he was an active loving parent. His daughter seeks his comfort and jumps into his lap without hesitation. When she calls him "Daddy" at the end of the book, he remembers that she used to call him that before he drifted away from them and he misses it. So calling him a deadbeat dad is not fair.

What Phillip desperately needs and craves is help. He knows his children need a mother, he knows he hasn't been able to step up to the plate lately and so his check list for a wife is as follows, someone who

manages his children (and his life) but is still kind and loving to them.

takes control of his life and household so he can breathe for a minute while he processes a lifetime of trauma in his greenhouse.

Isn't sad. She doesn't have to be wildly happy she just can't be sad.

Hopefully doesn't mind talking to him upon occasion or having sex once in a while.

That's the list. No romance? Look at his life up until this point. There is nothing to let him think he deserves to be loved or should expect more than the bare minimum. His hope is that he can be tolerated and his best case scenario is that his wife likes him.

The bar is in hell.

It is also clearly stated that he knows their behavior is due to his failure as a parent, and that his anger is not just because of them. He sees himself as a failure. His father didn't love him because he failed to be as good as his brother. Marina couldn't get over his brother's death and find the will to live because he failed as a husband/protector. His children are wild gremlins because he is a failure as a father.

Then Eloise shows up and everything changes. She comes from a large crazy loving family as we all know so wrangling kids is a walk in the park. They prank her? She pranks back. They wanna be sneaky? She wrote the book. They want to play mind games? She is the queen of psychological warfare. She is fun, she is engaging but most of all she can handle basically anything and because of that Phillip is able to breathe.

Hot Take: They are boring and Eloise deserves better than a boring scholar who just wants to have sex.

So... I mean to each their own, but here are some facts about our baby girl, Eloise. She is a loud, opinionated, bossy little thing who doesn't like to be told no. She can be a HUGE brat. She is intellectually curious, she loves conversation and she in interested in the world around her to the point of being nosey and obnoxious. But while she is entertaining to read, she is also A LOT.

By her book she is a LEGIT spinster (28 years old) everyone her age or near to it is married and pregnant or about to be and she is finding herself by herself. She knows she is a handful, she knows people find her to be too much so what is she hoping for? A man who doesn't mind her entire personality cause it's not changing any time soon.

Does she expect love? No. Why? Because to her if her own family loves her but mostly tolerates her then what hope does she have of finding a man who doesn't mind being ordered about but isn't a weakling?

When Phillip and Eloise start interacting the truth is neither knows what to expect from the other. There's attraction, sure, but there is also a genuine appreciation. He LOVES that she always knows what to do and has the energy to make shit happen. He loves how bossy she is. He is shocked that she cares enough to take an interest in his hobbies because literally no one ever has.

Eloise loves that he always listens to her. Does he tease her sometimes about how much she talks? Yes. But he always listens, and participates when she is talking. He isn't cowed by her strong personality, her intelligence, or the fact that she is a better shot than he is. Beyond that, these are legitimately some of his favorite things about her.

By now we know what Phillip is getting out of this. A loving mother for his children, a manager for his life who is more than capable, a companion who seems to care about him and his interests and the sex life he never thought was possible for him.

So what is Eloise getting out of this deal?

Well, for starters, a man who:

Adores the air she breathes and the ground she walks on.

Has the body of a lumberjack and the sex drive of a retired priest (think Fleabag).

Possesses the intellectual vigor to keep up with her talking and her mind.

Is interested in everything about her

Is loyal and honorable (never broke his marriage vows to Marina)

Is sweet and cares deeply about her happiness to an almost pathological degree.

LOVES her mind and her mischievousness

Appreciates her skills even/especially when they edge into unorthodox territory

Supports literally everything she does. (If she wanted to take over the world he would be the first to vote for her and enlist in her army).

Will fight anyone who tries to talk smack about her (even her scary brothers)

Now we can argue about what she deserves, but to me that list is a winning list. That is a dream list.

Hot take: Phillip doesn't listen to Eloise.

There are two instances where Phillip has notably bad reactions to Eloise.

One is when she takes his kids swimming in the lake where Marina attempted suicide. Again, he is the only one who knows about that. He freaks out because A) It's THAT lake, and B) He never taught them to swim and didn't realize they had learned. So a trauma response, and one he apologies for.

The second is when Eloise is trying to tell him she doesn't like the nanny. Who is a b*tch. He is in honeymoon mode, she implies that they have a problem in the marriage and he spirals at the thought that she isn't happy. Again it's not his best moment, again it is a trauma response. Outside of those two times he's always listening to Eloise and most of the time he's agreeing with her.

On to part three. What do we Philoiseers love so much about them?

@whatsaweekend Part 2

#to sir philip with love #sir phillip crane #eloise bridgerton #eloise x phillip #tw: mental health #tw: suidice #I'm telling you if you love ShowColin! you are gonna dig ShowPhillip!#TSPwL musings Pt 2

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alexander-arcturus-black-lupin-r · 1 year ago

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Spencer x y/n

The team goes to a bar, find y/n there, but Spencer is late and when he comes y/n kisses him and the team see them but before they can do anything y/n and Spencer dissapear. Spencer comes back after some time and his hair is a mess and one of the gang spots a hickey

Ooh I like this one

Y'all should know that the only knowledge of criminal mind Ik is because of the tiktok edits

If you are one of said editors. My dms are open send me some yeah 🫶🏾

This is a short blurb

Istg this man's smile ahhhhhh MGG give me a chance 😭🫴🏽

Spencer has a girl

The gang had just finished a case which had taken a whole fortnite[two weeks] they were in need of some alcohol and crappy music.

"Wonder when Spencer will get here," JJ asked as he waved at the bartender.

"He'll get here soon, hey can we get beers all round," Derek says.

"Sure thing,"

"What's your name?"

"Y/n sir,"

"Derek,"

"Your beers are coming,"

Shortly after Y/N brought the beers,

"Enjoy,"

She left going back to her station, shortly after Spencer came through the door. JJ got up ready to call out to him when he made a bee line for the bar.

"I thought Spencer didn't drink that much," JJ said.

"Maybe-" Derek started but he was cut of ehrn you pulled Spencer by his tie and kissed him.

"I see he wanted more than just a drink," The gang watches in suprise as the two of you disappear into the back.

After a while Spencer comes back from the back, when he spots the gang he waves and walks over to the them.

"Hey guys," He put his cot on his satchel and puts it away and slide into the book and is fistbumped by Derek. The gang notices his half done button, his messy hair and slightly wollen lips.

"Where were you," Morgan asks, "Your hair is a mess,"

Spencer blushes and runs his hand through his hair,

"Um I went to see someone," Penelope and Derek exchange a look.

"Spencer, you have a hickey on your neck," Penelope points out, her eyes wide.

Derek chuckles. "Boy Wonder, my man got laiiid, who was it,"

Spencer shakes his head. "You don't know her,"

Derek glances at the bar, "Try us,"

"Y/N she's the um the bartender,"

"The bartender," Penelope theatrically gasps but Aaron just rolls his eyes.

"Spencer don't mind them, we saw the two of you," Spencer turns pink.

"Oh,"

"How long have you been together?" Derek ask ppking Spencer in the ribs.

"6 months going seven," he says thoughtfully.

"Six???" Penelope shrieks causing Y/N to look over, her eyes widen when she sees the gang but someone calls her over and she doesn't have time to react.

Spencer however didn't responsed as he quite blatantly stares at you. You're smiling, a co worker said something and you were flashing your pearly whites, he sigh, he lived for your smiles, he lived for them.

They dropped the topic and when it came to the end the night, Spencer was the first to get up.

"I'll see you guys in the morning," he said waving to everybody before going to the bar, he said something to you and you giggled. You went to the back and came out with your bag.

"Wonderboy has a girl," Derek said, "Damn,"

#spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x you #i wrote this #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction

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jamietarttownsmyheart · 2 years ago

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please i need colinjamie headcanons or prompts i’ve been deprived of them for too long

i am. so so sorry for how late this is. and how uncoordinated the rest of this will probably end up being, but, just, ima unleash random colinjamie thoughts on u and hope it makes sense lol and that you enjoy them, but since idk how long it'll end up ima put everything under the cut

random hcs

colinjamie have definitely watched the owl house at some point. maybe this is fresh in my head since the final episode just came out a few days ago, but i definitely see colinjamie watching the owl house together. two options:

maybe colin was chilling with his niece (i want colin to have a niece or a nephew so bad, he gives uncle vibes and also i want jamie to interact with the kid at some point too) and she was watching it and he got invested. and then jamie got invested via colin. OR. henry was visiting the stadium on spring break and mentioned the owl house to jamie, who was curious, watched and episode, and then got invested. flash forward to colinjamie fwb era and colin dropping by one day and finding jamie losing his shit over the episode hollow mind. jamie needs to lose his shit with someone and colin is the poor soul who came over for a hook up but ended up having to watch two seasons of a disney cartoon.

that being said, i also think that jamie, if he ever watched avatar the last airbender as a kid, only ever watched until mid season 2. life got more complicated and he was more concerned with playing well than "lazy" things like cartoons. he never got to zuko standing up to his dad. he'll get there someday, it's gonna be great

colinjamie have a unique sense of style that they somehow make work, it drives so many people mad

colin had a crush on lightning mcqueen when he was a kid. (11 years old? idk how old colin is, so im putting him at 28 in s3, making him 11 when cars came out) he thinks about this childhood crush and figures its pretty telling that he's got a speedy car and a cocky but talented boyfriend

jamie is dyslexic, and when he realized audiobooks existed, he was thrilled. still, his favorite way to experience books is to have colin read them out to him.

that being said, his favorite way to enjoy drake is to have colin rapping along

colin takes jamie along to theater performances, musicals, and the ballet.

jamie found the "whose the worm now" moment so hot. he can't let colin find out

random prompt

prompt #1

so this might be because i just re read the seven husbands of evelyn hugo, daisy jones and the six, and carrie soto is back, as well as binging all of the daisy jones and the six show, and have been listening to taylor swift all month, but i am craving something specific?

like, i am so here for an au with actor or pop star jamie (have y'all heard phil dunster's voice?) and richmond player colin hughes. its giving posh spice and david beckham.

just the different flavors of it all. if we have it in modern times, as in, the time ted lasso is set in the show, we can do so much. (we can also have a colin who is not actually a fan of his bf's music. it's not that he hates it, it's just not his style. jamie knows this, and writes songs about colin anyways. colin loves listening to these songs regardless of them not being his style.)

then of course there is the other option--i am so bad at timelines and math, so dont come for me when this is all wrong, but i, on my 7 husband of eh kick, was like omg?? give me hollywood star jamie tartt and football player colin hughes who are "roommates."

prompt #2

im a sucker for vampires and vampire hunters. i think it can go either way for them in terms of whose the vampire and whose the vampire hunters.

prompt #3

a canon divergence au where colinjamie were dating s1. jamie and keeley were dating prior to his loan to richmond and stayed friends after their breakup. he really did love her, but still hadn't learned to be accountable yet. keeley still comes around to the club bc she's jamie's best friend and wants to test the playing field with roy.

#colinjamie #jamie tartt x colin hughes #colin hughes #jamie tartt #answered asks #Hartt

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kenna-is-reading · 4 months ago

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Kennaisreading's Fall TBR/Recs

Dear Readers,

Happy Mid-August!

Now typically I steadfastly refuse to begin any sort of autumnal celebration until 12:01am on September 1st, but I am trying to plan ahead for my reading for the remainder of this year. This month has truly been sipped away like a bottle of wine, if you will, and preparing to lock in for fall classes has made me more ready to get into the upcoming season. Therefore, here is my long-awaited, (unsolicited), perfectly realistic (desperately ambitious) TBR for the months of September and October!

Fantasy

The Wren in the Holly Library by K.A. Linde (Find my Pinterest board for this book here).

2. Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

Don't kill me! I have never read the Twilight series. You got me. But I did purchase every single book in the series a few months ago, and plan to quickly amend this personal shortcoming by reading as much of the series as I possibly can this fall.

3. Harry Potter

I have only ever read the first 4 books, but I once again recently bought the whole series. (Rest assured that I bought every single book secondhand so as to not give any support to that author.) I read the first four in late middle school/early high school, so I am glad to be getting that same nostalgic feeling that people who read these books in elementary get.

4. Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross

I have heard great things, and I am expecting great things.

5. The Atlas Six by Olivie Blake

I was actually like 30% of the way through this book a couple of years ago and was loving everything about it, but simply didn't have time to finish. It seems like the perfect fall read, so I am looking forward to this one a lot, especially as I reenter the university scene.

6. The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi

Another one I have heard wonderful things about. I hear it has a great found family, which we all know is my most favorite trope of all time, so I hope it lives up to the hype!

7. Once Upon A Broken Heart by Stephanie Garber

Excited to be the last person on earth to read this series. Seemed like a cozy fairy-tale-esque fantasy to read for fall.

8. The Dead Romantics by Ashley Poston

I read Ashley Poston's Once Upon A Con series in middle school and loved it, and I've heard nothing but rave reviews about her adult releases, so I have high hopes for this. The vibes seem perfect for fall.

9. The Stolen Heir Duology by Holly Black

Binged the original FotA trilogy in November 2020 when I was sick and delusional from Covid, so I am prepared to take on this duology perfectly well and in my right mind.

10. Powerless by Lauren Roberts

PRAYING y'all are telling the truth about how good this is. I need another fantasy series hyperfixation!!!

11. The Kiss of Deception by Margaret E Pearson

So excited to get into this whole universe. I was convinced to read this series by queen Sunny Kim (@ sunnykimreads on YouTube take your butt to her channel and subscribe NEOW!) and I trust her with my life so let's go!

12. Assistant to the Villain by Hannah Nicole Maehrer

One thing about me I am a sucker for a villain and I did not hesitate to buy this without looking up a singular comment or review.

13. Lightlark by Alex Aster

Heard mixed reviews on this one, so I have to see for myself!

14. Stars & Smoke by Marie Lu

Marie Lu raised me, schooled me, packed my lunches, sent me to college, and is one of the reasons I write. I am so late to this release but SO stoked to read it! What do y'all know about the Legend trilogy and also the Young Elites and also Warcross!!! Get into those!

15. Fable by Adrienne Young

Once again, miss Sunny Kim's love for the prequel novel of this series was influential enough to make me want to read the whole thing.

16. A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid

The aesthetic of this book, as well as that cover, made me SO excited to pick this up! Another great fantasy that looks perfect for fall.

17. Heartless Hunter by Kristen Ciccarelli

Expecting enemies to lovers fantasy greatness from this based on what I've been told!

18. Swordcatcher by Cassandra Clare

So excited to read my first non-Shadowhunter Cassie book! I love her writing and always get so attached to her characters, plus I met her at the event I went to for this book, so I'm biased.

19. Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson

DID SOMEBODY SAY LIBRARY??? Sign me up!

20. The Infernal Devices Trilogy by Cassandra Clare

Now you know it is not autumn or winter if I do not reread the best series of all time! If you have not read the Infernal Devices (Clockwork Angel, Clockwork Prince, Clockwork Princess), then GET in the car and GET to your local library. And if you're like me and your brain won't let you read stuff out of order, then get through those first 3 Mortal Instruments books (City of Bones, City of Ashes, City of Glass) ASAP! I PROMISE it's worth it! Shadowhunters is such a wonderful universe I could cry. TID contains the best love triangle ever written, and I don't even like love triangles. At all. This series is truly my everything and I think about it every day without fail. There's nothing left to say but Pick This Series Up if you haven't! Perfection for fall reading!

Mystery/Fiction

1 Karen M McManus

I have read One of Us is Lying, The Cousins, and You'll Be the Death of Me and enjoyed all of those, so this fall I am hoping to get through One of Us is Next, Two Can Keep A Secret, Nothing More to Tell, and One of Us is Back.

2. Enola Holmes by Nancy Springer

I love the Enola Holmes movies (putting Henry Cavill and Sam Claflin in the same film right in front of my eyes was crazy work actually), so I read the first book back in winter. I'm looking forward to reading this middle-grade mystery series, because it's something I've lacked since I was much younger!

3. Reign by Katherine McGee

I have procrastinated finishing the American Royals series for such a long time because if it does not end the way I hope it will, I might lose my mind a little. Loved the drama in these books.

4. Games Untold by Her Royal Majesty Jennifer Lynn Barnes

I am reading the Grandest Game right now, and it has only confirmed that the best place to be in life is sitting somewhere binging a JLB book at breakneck speed. This is what life and writing and literature and reading are all about. I was lucky enough to get to meet Jennifer on the book tour for TGG less than 2 weeks ago, and it was such a wonderful time. I cannot wait to read these novellas about my beloved TIG characters even though this book comes out in November and this is technically a Sept/Oct list.

5. We Were Liars by e. lockhart

You know it. You love it. Or you hate it. Either way, I haven't read it yet, and I must decide for myself.

6. The Lovely and the Lost by Jennifer Lynn Barnes

Every tongue that rises against JLB shall fall, and this is the last book of hers I have to read.

Romance

Fall is when I'm locking in on SPORTS ROMANCEEEE!!!

Whether you love it or hate it, sports romance is one of the most popular current genres out there, and I love picking up football and hockey romances when football and hockey season returns. I forced myself to leave 2 Elle Kennedy hockey books for myself to read in fall when hockey comes back, and I cannot wait.

The Wall of Winnipeg and Me

I have never read a Mariana Zapata book, so I am excited to see what all the commotion is about.

2. Daydream by Hannah Grace

I <3 Henry and that is all I have to say on the matter.

3. Heartstopper v5

Heartstopper is such a cute and cozy series, so I will be finally picking up the most recent volume this fall.

4. Flawless by Elsie Silver

I am finally diving in to the Elsiverse! I wanna join in on the cowboy summer movement, I just haven't had time! So it is henceforth going to be Yeehaw Fall.

5. Unsteady by Corinne Peyton

Another Sunny Kim rec that I need to get my hands on immediately.

6. The Wingman by Stephanie Archer

Get into the Vancouver Storm series if you haven't!!! The Fake Out was one of the best hockey romances I've ever read in my life. I am SO READY for this book!

7. Offside by Avery Keelan

Has been on my KU TBR forever and a day. Will be devouring as many hockey romances as possible I fear.

Recs!!!

Now that we've covered the books I'm planning to read this fall, most of which I've never read, let's get into what YOU should read this fall!

Fantasy

ACOTAR by Sarah J Maas

I had to get this one out of the way if you somehow have never read ACOTAR. I think it's written somewhere in my nonexistent reader/blogger contract that I must mention this. Fall and winter are a perfect time to dive into this universe and hop on this bandwagon.

2. The Grishaverse by Leigh Bardugo

Shadow and Bone trilogy and the Six of Crows duology, if you somehow have not heard of them, are excellent. Or if you have heard of them and haven't read, take this obscure blog post as your sign to pick them up! This universe is so immersive and amazing when you don't have somebody in your ear whining about ship wars. I had a book hangover for weeks my freshman year after finishing these books, which I hardly ever get, but I still think about them regularly to this day.

3. The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer

There is nothing remotely fall-like about these books at all, but if you're looking for a fantasy series with a found family and fairy-tale callbacks, get into Cinder! Truly such a beloved and nostalgic series to me. I am in the process of rereading them, and I absolutely love the characters so much. For being considered a "classic YA throwback series", we really don't talk about it enough.

4. Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo

LOOK UP TRIGGER WARNINGS! This is an adult novel that deals with some very dark themes, so be aware of that going in. A lot of dark academia/fantasy/mystery vibes going on here, but definitely read at your discretion.

5. The Cruel Prince Trilogy by Holly Black (Folk of the Air)

Perfect fall fantasy vibes, enemies to lovers, pretty quick reads. There's a lot of politics involved in this series, and a very immersive setting, in my opinion. You kind of have to get past the "hey what is going on btw" and just go with it! Great reads.

6. Sisters of the Salt Duology by Erin A Craig

House of Salt and Sorrows and House of Roots and Ruin are wonderful spooky fantasy books to get you through the fall/winter. A murderous retelling of the 12 Dancing Princesses set in a seaside manor with a horror twist! I loved it simply for how unique and original the plot was (despite it obviously being a retelling, it was just a fresh take okay?).

7. Shadowhunter Chronicles by Cassandra Clare

Just trust me, okay? They really are amazing. I'll give you the reading order; don't be intimidated I know it's a lot of books just walk with me.

8. Cruel Beauty by Rosamund Hodge

YA fantasy that I read in a day and really enjoyed. It is a Beauty and the Beast retelling; arranged marriage enemies to lovers vibes.

9. The Beautiful Quartet by Renee Ahdieh

VAMPIRES! In New Orleans! In 1872! That is all I shall say as I have not finished the series yet!

10. Kerri Maniscalco

Her books are perfect for fall, whether you pick up the Kingdom of the Wicked series or, my personal favorite, the Stalking Jack the Ripper series. These have mystery, supernatural elements, fantasy, and romance, so there's something for everyone.

11. A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer

This is another Beauty and the Beast retelling, and the perfect fantasy series for fall and winter.

12. Caraval by Stephanie Garber

Excellent fantasy for fall and I know I keep saying that, but this series just screams October to me; idk why.

13. Three Dark Crowns Series by Kendare Blake

SOOOO not talked about enough. I loved this series when I read it. It is spooky and dark, with really interesting female characters set in a very intriguing matriarchal setting.

Classics

Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery

Greatest love story of all time literally I wish Gilbert Blythe was real! Wholesome, dreamlike, cozy series perfect for fall. I have never loved a classic more. And when you're done reading, you get the pleasure of going to watch the 1985 movies starring Megan Follows and Jonathan Crombie. This book literally gave us the "I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers" quote like come on!

The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin

I read this book once in middle school and it was the only thing I ever genuinely enjoyed reading for school. This was the original Knives Out/Inheritance Games I fear.

Mysteries

1 Charlotte Holmes Series by Brittany Cavallaro

2. A Good Girl's Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson

3. The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes

4. The Naturals Series by Jennifer Lynn Barnes

5. The Debutantes Duology by Jennifer Lynn Barnes

6. The Dead Queen's Club by Hannah Capin

Romances

Off-Campus/Briar U Series by Elle Kennedy

Hockey Romance Essential Viewing

2. Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

For nostalgic fall vibes

3. Once Upon A Con Series by Ashley Poston

4. Vancouver Storm Series by Stephanie Archer

Fiction

Daisy Jones & The Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Mother Daughter Book Club Series by Heather Vogel Frederick (Middle grade but please read it anyway)

The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart

Another middle grade for nostalgic vibes

And that is it! The longest discussion about fall books I've ever done. If you have any other recommendations please feel free to let me know! As you can see my TBR is obviously not at all long enough.....

Anyway! Thank you so much for reading, and definitely let me know what you are reading this fall if you feel like it/if you even care fr omg. I hope y'all have a fantastic end of summer and that you're ready to have an amazing, vibey Gilmore Girls-esque autumn! Queuing up the Norah Jones as we speak, and until the next time I find time to scribble my literary thoughts down!

Xoxo,

Kenna

Pinterest Boards!

The Infernal Devices

Shadowhunters

The Inheritance Games

The Cruel Prince

Off Campus/Briar U

Daisy Jones & The Six

The Lunar Chronicles

Grishaverse

ACOTAR

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sardonic-sprite · 2 years ago

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I'm Back!

Wow, so Lent is over now, so my tumblr fast is also over and I'm still a little in shock, lol. I had hoped the past six weeks? I don't know, Time is weird, would be more productive but at least I got SOME stuff written/posted. Anyway, I have one more month of school and then fucking FINALS so expect sporadic updates at idiot-o-clock hours of the night, and maybe yell at me to sleep, eat, study, or drink water whenever i do post 😅

I am up to SO EFFING MANY wips rn on so many different fronts you guys have no freaking idea 😭 so here's a status report for EVERYTHING on or going on sardonic_sprite. (Its gonna be a monster post, y'all, bear with me)

in absolutely no particular order:

Wayne4Ham: We have a LONG way to go with this one, so just be patient and I'll slowly but steadily plug on through. Aaron Burr, Sir, should theoretically take me no longer than end of april

Wayne-Crazy: there's like 4 specific requests on it, plus a few 'series' i started, but after those, say 6-7, i'll probably mark as complete and only re-open if someone offers me an idea

Batman Beginners: i'll tell y'all up front, this one will take me forever. i don't even know what all I intend to cover, but know that i'm halfway done with the DITF arc, and it'll probably come out in the next two months

Just A Kid: this was my shits-and-giggles fic that got like 3000 notes in a weekend lmao. it's something i do intend to continue bc its so fun and i enjoy the concepts in it, but i don't have plans to actively write more of it in the immediate future.

Rev Wayne: just gave y'all Jason's fic, so the next probably won't come until late in summer, extrapolating from my few data points. if anyone has ideas for timmy's intro, let me know, i'd love some inspiration

Celeb Batwaynes: reported separate from wayne-crazy for reasons. i think theres like 12 specific requests plus 2 ideas of my own. i may put out a poll for the next one to write, but not until after school's out, because these fics are HUGE time-eaters for me. speaking of, are non-tumblr-users able to vote on polls?

Welcome to Gotham U: this was again, me doing shit bc why not. will probably add more in the style that i first posted, but i doubt i will write any prose for it. if you would like to give it a try, please reach out, i'd love to see what you write!

One Diamond: every time i touch this i make the cliffhanger worse lmao. i finally do have a direction, but execution is gonna have to wait a while.

The Young, Innocent, and Righteous: this is mostly just for me anyway, but i'm just gonna say that i'm waiting until i finish watching miraculous season 5 before i go any further

AS you wish: i have 5 more requests to do and i am so sorry to everyone waiting you do not deserve this lmao. i promise im trying, i love your ideas, it just takes me a really long time to fill in the rest and then actually write it. the next one on my list is particularly hard to pin down and so it's halting the ones behind it to. if not before, then after finals i will sit and bang my head on the keyboard until something good comes out

Light Isn't Fadin': soooooo many people have asked me about this one oof. SOMEDAY, i swear. right now its a huge, nebulous, hulking monster and im sorry it's just not happening yet.

A christmas carol: wait until december. please

Father's Day: june.

A Little Problem: over the summer, i will watch marvel movies until they once again hijack my brain and fuel this to completion. maybe.

easter eggs: how the fuck did i forget this lmao. i'm doing as much as i can in april, but when the month is done, i'm sorry, we'll all be waiting until next lenten season. hopefully it won't come to that.

aaaaand i THINK that's finally it. there's also a bunch of random paragraphs in word and google docs that may appear, not to mention ideas that kidnap me in dark alleys. but i also have like a good half dozen other wips for other places that im trying to attend to, so please be forgiving if it seems like its taking a while to post something as sprite.

as always, i love questions, comments, concerns, even some complaints, so feel free to interact.

See ya when I see ya!

sprite

#sprite said #sprite's plan #wip update #status report

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captainsparklefingers · 1 year ago

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It feels really weird doing this xD but I guess talking about asking for help/feedback/generally venting about stuff (minor or otherwise) is always gonna feel weird? Is that what I'm doing right now? I have no idea. But anyway, writing it all out will hopefully help get it off my chest and I can try to move on to practical things. Mregh.

So I'm working on a series of oneshots about the first year of Kingsley's life (it was initially gonna be just the first six months before M9 Reunited but then I had some ideas that would only make sense after that, so here we are), and I've managed to get exactly one of them done so far. Which is good! I've got a second one in the works and a list of ideas for the others, buuuut I've managed to get myself stuck in the middle of the second one. Turns out it's hard to write Caduceus and Kingsley interactions when you have nothing to base them on XD and I guess that means I need a beta/somebody to bounce ideas off of. My regular beta (who is a wonderful person and one of my closest friends and who I love very much) is busy with real life stuff like work, so I don't want to bother them, and the people I want to ask to take a look at stuff and get ideas from are busy with their own fics and projects, and I don't want to bother them either. So here we are. I have anxiety up the wazzoo for a lot of things, including this, so it feels weird just putting a Tumblr post out there asking for help with something as silly as a fanfic...

And I'm always sort of afraid of writing Kingsley 'wrong', if that makes sense. Like, I know he's not Lucien or Molly, he's himself and there are echos of them in him, but with my whole belief that the memories of the previous purples are still there (just locked up until he's ready and comfortable enough as Kingsley to take them back and not get overwhelmed by them) and they sometimes leak out (the problem traveling with your past lives family is there's plenty of triggers there for stuff to slip through the cracks without context), and I worry that that makes it seem like I'm trying to turn him into Molly when I swear that's not what I'm thinking at all. So there's THAT layer to the anxiety as well.

So here I am with one one shot done, one about halfway done that I need a bit of a push with, and a list of ideas that I haven't started in on yet because I haven't gotten the second one done, and a lot of nerves about never getting anything done. Like, I'm not even gonna tag this because this is mostly just me trying to work out my anxiety about stuff (but uh if anyone is interested in helping or looking at some Kingsley stuff lemme know I guess), and I hope it helps. I've been having a lot of anxiety and nervousness about a lot of crap lately, and compared to other stuff, this is just such a minor bullshit thing to get wound up about.

God, anxiety SUCKS, y'all. It's the stupidest most irrational thing. Like 'ooh you wanted to do this as a fun lil side project to keep the creative juices going during downtime at work NOPE YOU'RE OBSESSED AND NERVOUS NOW ENJOY FEELING WEIRD WHENEVER YOU'RE AT YOUR LAPTOP FOR UNRELATED REASONS'.

#sometimes talking about your problems into the void of the internet helps #even if they're very minor bullshit problems like 'im having trouble writing fanfic and am afraid to bother anyone about it'#like this is the least important worry in my life at the moment #there's job stress my cat's health stress my mom's health stress #money stress #stress that seems to have no cause #this is a stupid thing to worry about #but maybe I keep coming back to worrying about it because it's minor and therefore feels like it should be fixable #but I want people to like me and Im so afraid of bothering them or seeming too self centered #and trying to ask internet strangers for help on something you're emotionally invested in can be a mixed bag #ughhhhhh #i miss having a therapist even if my last one stopped being effective ages ago

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taperwolf · 2 years ago

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I'm still having problems with the Wasp filter — I've got it to where it operates enough to boost the input volume but not enough to actually filter a}nything— but I've started on a second project in parallel with it, a different voltage controlled filter. This one's the PM Foundations 3320-VCF, a four-pole low-pass filter with voltage control over frequency and resonance, based on the CEM3320 or its remake, the AS3320.

This is their photo of a completed version, and it'll be a while before mine gets to this point. See, I ordered the PCB/panel combo one late night, reasoning that I already had the two chips needed for the build — a TL074 quad op amp and the AS3320 four-stage VCF chip — so I could complete it rather quickly. I then realized that I didn't have the right kind of jacks or potentiometers, so I ordered them from Tayda, a discount supplier I've had good luck with.

But they didn't have two specific kinds of pots needed, one 50k linear one and one 100k logarithmic one, nor one special kind of capacitor. PMF have a shopping cart with all the parts put together at Mouser, the big electronics distributor, so I checked that and saw that those caps weren't going to be available for six months or so. So I checked over with the other big electronics distributor, Digikey, and they had them available immediately, if shipping from a third party. So I ordered the two pots and the caps from them, and though we were up to four separate shipments, I figured we were done.

That's when I thought to check if I had all the values of resistors needed. And you guessed it, I did not.

So I went through my stocks and made up packets of the required resistors that I did have, and noted which five values I still needed, and went back to Mouser to get those. Except I couldn't just get them from the provided shopping cart, because those specific ones only come in reels of 200 each. Even though they're quite cheap at that quantity, when the project calls for at most five of a given value, it's hard to justify 195 leftover parts for a one-off project. So I did, eventually, get those all ordered.

The boards arrived yesterday, and the Digikey pots arrived today; the rest of the resistors should be here tomorrow or Tuesday, the caps sometime this week — and the Tayda shipment will be here, um, maybe this month? The shipping label has been created, but they deliver by bulk-sending from (I think) Thailand to Kentucky and then the USPS takes over.

But the upshot is that I have zero patience, so I went ahead and put the resistors that I do have on the board.

Once the other eleven resistors show up (along with their 39 spares), I can put them on, then the IC sockets, the power header, and the caps. The pots and jacks mount on alternate sides on the board, and have to be slightly tacked on and then soldered fully into place once the panel is affixed using their mounting nuts, so all of those need to arrive before I can put any on. I'll keep y'all posted.

#diy #electronic music #homebrew electronics #eurorack #3320 vcf #voltage control

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the0nlyallison · 8 months ago

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05.09.24 daily update

So today I got a lot done...

I went through and cleaned my shoes, found four pairs to get rid of, so I gotta post those and the other clothes I wanna sell (will post the piles but can't sell them to y'all because all of y'all live in a different country). I also cleaned and organized my desk and vanity, all of my storage spaces, and threw away more than half of all my jewelry.

I finished reading my current book called The Night Window by Dean Koontz... Very interesting. Definitely recommend to those who are into reading mystery/action books. Imma start a new one tomorrow.

OH OH and some of you know that I am the health correspondent for my school's newspaper... There were applications sent out to be a writer and/or officer for the newspaper for the next school year. I AM NOW THE SECRETARY!!! There's a banquet being held for all the members that were involved this year on the 15th of this month and I got asked to sign the Pledge of Allegiance in ASL, so I also learned that (took me less than ten minutes).

This is a tad TMI but since this is Tumblr we do that kinda thing 😌✌️ I was late for my period by like two and a half weeks, which was very scary for me, as I've never been that late before. I've never really ever got pains or cramps, only slightly mild ones, but this shit hurts like a bitch. I dunno if it's because I was so late or not, but damn, I'm just tryna exist here.. I don't want this 🤣🤣

Also student council applications are due tomorrow for my school, so obviously I applied. I applied to be secretary of my class and treasurer for the entire student body. The way they have it set up is more of a popularity contest, but I still hope I get something if no one applied for those roles, soooo fingers crossed 🤞 I already did the first part, filling out the Google form. The second part is collecting six signatures from teachers, advisors, and coaches, which is kinda hard since I'm online. But tomorrow I'm going to the school for my sister's awards ceremony and imma collect the signatures while I'm there.

I'm also getting my first set of acrylics tomorrow and getting a pedicure, real excited for that too.

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xenizaation · 3 years ago

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times on end

Warning! Sexual content ahead! Minors please dni!

pairing: choi san x fem! reader

genre: established relationship, smut

word count: 3k

warnings: oral sex(f receiving), fingering, nipple play, unprotected sex, creampie, pet names, impregnation kink, dirty talk(like lots of it, this may be the chattiest smut scene i ever wrote), rough sex, choking.

a/n: gotta be honest, i didn't expect anyone to ask for a second part to this fic, but am glad y'all did cus i really enjoyed writing both parts. not as long as i planned it to be, but it's not so short either. hope you guys enjoy! xoxo

this fic can be read by itself, but if you want some insight you should read the first part here

signing the divorce papers was harder than you'd imagined. you wanted to think, to hope, that the feelings you had for san would completely overshadow whatever was left that was still burning inside you for the man who stood by your side for years, but they didn't-not entirely.

you were sure you wanted to do this and yet, seeing your husband almost teary-eyed after hearing your news made you think otherwise. it made mercy take such a toll on your head that you actually, for a fair minute, considered staying only for him not to suffer. to bare everything upon your shoulders in silence, making you think it's what you deserve after betraying him so bluntly. guilt was the thing holding you next to him more than anything else.

but there was a selfish side of you to which you were completely thankful for snapping you back to reality. one that endlessly carried you to your desires and more specifically, to your san.

"can you just move into my place already? this is starting to become tiring." his sweet voice echoed in between the walls of your apartment after the sound of him closing the door behind the two of you. "you're there five nights a week anyway." he continues, dropping the empty bags that were going to be filled with clothes next to you.

coming to collect things from your own home has become a weekly habit in the six months since you and san decided to go exclusive. as of now, he already learned where everything was, being fully capable to pack your bag even on the nights you had to stay out late to the same office he bossed you around in. you trusted him with your key along many other unspoken things.

"i just don't want to rush anything, san." you say while turning away from him and opening your underwear drawer, snooping through the lacy pieces of lingerie.

what you didn't want to rush in fact, was the mourning of your previous relationship. or the lack of it if you were completely honest with yourself. in some kind of way, you were emotionally detached from your marriage for a long time before breaking it, and it was noticeable seeing how not much remorse lived inside you now. you only felt bad for the cheating part, for not being brave enough to tell your husband your feelings had ceased to exist when they did and choosing to be unfair to him instead. but you couldn't turn back time, and even if you could you're not sure you would do it.

"rush? didn't you have an affair with me? moving together scares you more?" he replies with a very amused laugh as he throws his body on your squeaky bed.

"it's not that," you sigh still searching through the drawer but not paying any attention to the various pieces of undergarments that tangle between your fingers. it's hard to put your thoughts into words, especially the ones that you thought wouldn't be spoken into reality. "it's just...i don't want to risk getting too familiar with each other and then realizing that maybe it's not what we want." you mutter out, taking a seat on the corner of the bed as you avoid san's gaze at all costs, keeping it fixed on the ground beneath you.

poor choice of words for what you meant to express, that being "i'm afraid you're going to get bored of me and then it'll turn out exactly like my catastrophe of a marriage."; there was no reason for you to have these doubts, in your time together san has been nothing but loving and understanding towards your every need, showing times and times again how he was devoted completely to you and the relationship between the two of you. but you couldn't help being paranoid about some things, all of this being the effect of your now ended marriage.

the bed squeaks as san sits straight, dragging his body closer to you as he places one warm hand on top of your cold ones in your lap. there's more than physical warmth that he offers you, there's that heat that engulfs you entirely, from the inside out, whenever he lays as little as his observant gaze upon you. his touch was on another level even, making you feel like the most precious stone in the world whenever he caressed your skin with his soft fingertips.

you felt like you were in a dark abyss, and he was the one pulling you out of it. your past partners have never made you feel like this, not even for a second, and this was the exact reason why you were afraid of fucking it all up. living in terror with the thought that one small mistake is going to turn this thing all around and you would find yourself not only alone, but having to live the rest of your life knowing that you have ruined your chances with the only human being in the whole entire world who you felt was your soulmate.

"look, i don't want to stress you out about it," he says as he hooks one finger under your chin, lifting your face up and towards him. "if it's not what you want, then it's ok. but i don't want you to think that i don't want it either. i would love nothing more than waking up next to you for the rest of my existence and not wondering when you're gonna go home and leave me all by myself over there." you recognize the sadness in his tone as well as what he is describing; the exact feeling of loneliness taking over you every time you found yourself in between the empty walls of your apartment. it was san's house that felt like home to you now, and it was all because he was there. he would make you feel like home even at the bottom of the ocean.

"i mean it when i say i want you there. i mean it when i say i love you. i mean everything about you, y/n," he whispers the last words like a solemn prayer he says every night before sleep. "and that's because you mean everything to me." his forehead slowly leans into yours as he closes his eyes, leaving you to assimilate all his words in a certain quietness that is far from uncomfortable and nothing short of peaceful.

your eyelids drop low too, covering your vision as your eyes start burning with the threat of tears. now, how could you reply to that? what words were fit to say to the man who has gently handed you his heart on a silver platter, telling you to do with it whatever you see fit. the way san wore his heart on his sleeve when he was with you made you love him even more, a quality of his you were struggling to learn seeing how you were much more reserved about speaking out your emotions the same way he did.

"i also meant what i said about growing tired about this whole thing. could've chosen a closer apartment you know, it's a 25 minute drive to here." he lightens up the atmosphere with a light chuckle. you start laughing as you throw your hands around him, pulling him in a tight hug while you burrow your head in his firm chest. his hands stroke your back softly and his nose sits atop the crown of your head, inhaling your essence deeply just like you do his.

"what if you get bored of me?" a light whisper, filled with concern. he pulls away slowly but your hands don't leave his body when his own cup your face, keeping it in place as he stares into your heart with an adoring look.

"don't think i'll live long enough to get bored of you." san says as he draws your face closer to his. you prepare to feel his soft lips on top of yours but instead you only see him pull his head away all of a sudden.

"how about you, hm?" he questions with a raised brow, trying his best to mask away the discouraged look in his eyes as he thinks that you getting bored of him could ever be an option. san was a being that craved reassurance, always failing in trying not to show the side of him that would desperately search for your validation. you were more than happy to give it to him, he deserved it more than anyone else.

"i couldn't get bored of you even if i tried," you reveal and peck his lips briefly. "you give good dick." you add as if that was the sole reason for it, when in fact it was near the bottom of the list of why you adored san so much.

he laughs to your joke, pulling you into a deep kiss and smashing your body against his own. things escalate quickly, something that you grew accustomed to happening when you were near san. now laying with your back on your fairly uncomfortable mattress (another made up reason that you used to spend the nights over at his house), san was pressing passionate kisses on the skin of your neck, his hands quickly actioning upon unbuttoning your blouse.

he was taking his time, kissing his way slowly down your chest until his mouth was above your breasts. he unveiled your nipple from the material of your bra by pushing it to the side and took your nipple right into his mouth. the swirls of his tongue against your areola were executed with precision, one that drove you insane every time he sucked it hungrily or grazed his perfect teeth on your sensitive bud, making you jolt underneath his touch.

his body dragged itself down, reaching the hard floor with his knees, now sitting in between your legs while he pulled your ass closer to the edge of the bed. his hands caressed your thighs in an upwards motion of lifting your skirt past the parts he needed exposed, gentle fingers hooking under the band of your panties and pulling them down in a swift motion. he placed both of your legs on his broad shoulders as he got closer to you, pressing soft kisses on the meat of your inner thigh. you were already wet for him; and he seemed to notice quite quickly, making you not wait anymore as he latched his mouth to your clit, suckling all the while he dragged his tongue over it.

your fingers only tangle themselves in his hair, pulling him closer with breathy moans of his name. he continues his ministrations, topping the pleasure he was already giving you by adding one middle finger inside, slowly dragging it against your walls. you groan at the feeling, seeing his hand quickly climbing up your torso as he takes a hold of your exposed breast, pinching your nipple in between his fingers and in the course of it, stealing a quiet whimper from you. he adds a second finger, the two digits curling inside you just right as his mouth doesn't stop showering your clit with love and attention.

it doesn't take you much longer to feel your stomach forming a tight knot, and even less to feel it untangle as the quiet electricity of an orgasm buzzes inside your body, making you moan harder as you tighten your thighs around san's head, feeling your insides swirl up and your fingertips go numb in his hair as you desperately try to push him away from you-to no avail. he removes his fingers and licks his way down to your hole, drowning his tongue in the warmness of your pulsating walls as he sucks every drop of your release into his mouth. you jolt under every lick, every forward push of his wet muscle reaching further inside, that makes you throw your head back into the mattress and your back arch instinctively, and in this moment you feel nothing more than the place where san's tongue connects with your body.

he finally lets your core catch a break, pulling his head away from your warmth and slowly getting up. his face now adorns a smirk and your juices, making his jaw glisten beautifully under the lights in the room as he leans over to kiss you. you take in his tongue, swirling your own around his muscle in a manner short of shy. you weren't sure who you tasted more: you or him, but you sure loved the taste of your essence combined with his saliva.

"i love you." you whisper into his mouth and he only deepens the kiss in return-fully aware that by now, you already know how he feels about you. he pulls you up by your waist, slowly rising you to your feet. your legs buckle beneath you when they are met with the act of supporting your whole weight.

"that good?" san chuckles while holding you by the waist to help you regain your balance. he knew exactly what effect he had on you.

you nod, kissing him again as he pushes you towards the wall, sticking your back against it as he undresses quickly. you follow without a question, watching him with all your undivided attention as he slides down his pants, leaving his erect cock naked in all its glory. your mouth waters at the sight of his veiny shaft that glistened with precum at the tip while you peeled off the last garment that was covering your body.

"choi san, mister," you mutter out as desperately as you could, looking into his hungry eyes that devoured every piece of you the same way yours did him. "are you gonna fuck me against a wall?" you question as innocently as you can conjure yourself to be in the moment with his body pressed against yours as he kissed your neck, his dick finding cover right in between your legs, sliding in between your folds and thighs with small thrusts of his hips.

"might as well make some good memories in your apartment if you don't want to leave it." he mumbles against the skin of your neck.

"who says i don't?" you whisper close to his ear.

he only looks up in surprise, as if he didn't expect you to make up your mind so quickly. he presses his lips with force against yours one more time before he turns your whole body around, making you face the wall. his knee swings your legs apart and you arch your back naturally when his hands find purchase on your hips to pull you towards him. you align his tip with your entrance and he pushes in slowly, stretching you gradually with his deliciously girthy cock.

you murmur his name as he picks up pace, every thrust of his hips making your face press against the wall more. "san, ah...harder, please. please fuck me harder." you mutter out in between breathy moans, giving body to your lustful wishes.

"fuck, y/n, keep talking like that and i'm gonna cum." he says as he presses deeper into you with each thrust, the power behind his moves being fully motivated by your desires. one strong hand wrapping around your neck just tight enough to make you moan loudly.

"it feels so fucking good, san, you feel so fucking good inside of me." you keep rambling just to feel his cock twitch inside of you at the words.

"just you wait doll, gonna fill you up with babies way before i wife you up." he groans, tightening the grip over your neck just enough to make you so dizzy that you can't think of-can't feel anyone else but him.

"that fucker wasn't able to do it, right? so incompetent you needed me to even fuck you right." he says, using all the rage that your ex-husband was awakening inside him to smash his hips into yours just the way you asked him to-hard, sort of animalic in the way your breasts bounced around every time skin made contact with skin. his forceful rams made his dick brush over your sweet spot over and over again and in combination with the hand around your neck and his impactful words, you felt your high coming in no time.

"san, i'm gonna cum-ah.." you exhaled, still feeling every inch of his cock entering deeply inside of you.

"please do, baby." he whispers in your ear.

it's not a choice to orgasm right in the moment you feel his breath fan over your nape, it's more of a natural instinct of following his orders. you cum so hard around his cock that you feel your legs are going to give up on you, standing on your tip-toes as you lean forward into the wall trying to gain some sort of support. san doesn't stop, now chasing after his own high as your hole clenches around him with every pulsation of your fading orgasm.

"oh-fuck," he growls and after a few more sloppy thrusts, he stills deep inside you-surely reaching as deep as your cervix with his tip just as hot ropes of cum splash onto your awaiting inner walls.

both of you a quivering mess now, leaned against the wall as cold drops of sweat roll down the back of your thighs whilst san hugs you from the back, not pulling out just yet. the room is filled with your breaths trying to get steady and you find your heart skipping a beat thinking of how good you feel around san, how every moment you spend with him you wish to turn into eternity like right now, with his chin pressed softly on your shoulders as his arms are wrapped lovingly around you, keeping you safe in his hold, making you feel like you're the most special being in the whole entire world.

so this is how love is supposed to feel like.

"should we pack everything then?" you ask with a light chuckle.

#xenizaation #ksmutclub #kpop fanfiction #kpopsmut #ateez smut #ateez fanfic #ateez fanfiction #choi san fanfic #choi san smut #san fanfic #atz smut #san smut #choi san fanfiction #choi san #atz fic #ateez #atz san #atz scenarios

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msmarvelwrites · 4 years ago

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For Old Times' Sake

Summary: “Years you had craved to hear your name spoken from his lips. Countless nights, forcing yourself to remember how it fell from his tongue,”

Pairing: TFATWS Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Explicit sexual content, Vaginal penetration, fingering, Choking, Bucky with the filthy words, mutual pining.

Word Count: 2.8K

Authors Note: WOW! It has literally been a hot minute hasn't it? I cant say that I’m not a little excited about this 3rd lock-down in Ontario because it means I can actually find time to write. I’m sorry it’s been so long, babes. Anyways, enjoy! (I’m actually the worst and it’s been so long since I’ve done this!) The Biggest Thank You to @sweeterthanthis for literally cheering me on the entire time. This was such garbage before you came along 😂 I had so much fun with this one babe 💕 thank you for all you do ✨

The wind whipped against your face, bruising your skin with it’s callousness. Though the unwelcomed lash was nothing compared to what was to come. Or who, for that matter.

It had been longer than you cared to admit. The dodged calls hanging at the bottom of the icon on your phone serving as a cruel reminder of how cold you had been. Of course, it was never in your job description to take care of Bucky after Steve left— but there was an implication that made you run for the hills.

You couldn't do anything for him - give him anything. The last five years had consisted of running and trying to start over.

Besides, after the Accords, in the government's eyes you were just as fucked as Hydra. An ally turned fugitive the moment you’d chosen your side in that airport. You’d fight with yourself most nights that you decided with your head, but your first evening with a man who had bruised your lips with promises of what would come may have had more pull than anything else.

The same man that had called you every week for the past six months… The same man you had spent countless nights with, years of your life you would never be able to scrub away, no matter how hard you tried.

You had watched from afar as half of the world returned, their loved ones welcoming them home with teary eyes and broken hearts. You watched as he came home. His eyes, always scanning the crowds waiting for you. Waiting to see your face.

It made all of this so, so much worse. This was definitely not the homecoming you could have hoped for.

“We’re nearing the drop.” Your comm’s rang with a woman's voice who had helped smuggle you onto the craft. You weren’t exactly welcome in europe at the moment- or anywhere for that matter. The government did not take lightly to your’s and Sharon’s betrayal. You’d think that after everything the world had seen they would be a little more forgiving, but you couldn't exactly blame them for their trust issues either.

You could, however, blame yourself.

As soon as your feet hit the ground you were off. The distress call had come from Sam earlier that evening and now with the sun setting you could only hope you weren't too late. You tried to push the man who had haunted your thoughts for the past few years out of your head, desperate to focus on the task at hand.

Bullets exploded through the air, a warning as you were approaching the large shipping container unit. Your comms went static as they began to connect with Sam’s, his voice ringing through your ears as—

“Sam, a little help here!”

His voice stopped you dead in your tracks.

“I’m on my way - called in some back up.” Sam grunted as the sound of strangled yelps echoed around you.

“Back up? Who do we know that-” Bucky’s words were cut short as he let out a growl, the sound of his vibranium arm whirling in the background.

You rushed in without a second thought, the sound of his pain too raw as it ripped through your chest. Before you could assess the danger, you charged forward, hurling yourself at a large man pointing his gun right at-

With a loud thud, the man hit the ground. Your combat boot, heavy on his throat until he went still, and with it came silence. It was deafening despite the explosive gunfire around you.

“Y/n?”

Your name ripped through the air, but you couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze. Back turned and body rigid, you were frozen in place. Years you had craved to hear your name spoken from his lips. Countless nights, forcing yourself to remember how it fell from his tongue, soft and get so personal. Like no one had spoken it before.

“Y/n, what are you-”

Sam's voice cut the newly cropped brunettes words off, “I got two coming in on your left, Buck. Oh- and welcome back, Y/L/N.”

You smiled sheepishly at Bucky, pulling your gun from its holster and flicking the safety off as you closed your distance with him. Despite the aggravation apparent on his face, a broken smile seemed to be pulling at the corners of his lips.

“Here we go again, huh?” You chimed, your eyes locking with his just as all hell broke loose.

The trip back to Sam and Bucky’s base was one filled with uncomfortable silence, and a tension that had your blood running cold.

Once the adrenaline of the fight had worn off and you were left face to face with Bucky Barnes, the guilt began to creep in.

“So…” Sam started from the backseat of the beat-up truck, the suddenness of his words startling both you and Bucky for a moment. “Long time no see.”

The scoff that left Bucky’s lips wasn't as subtle as you imagined he meant it to be. You tried not to let it bother you; in fact, you had prepared for this. How he might react when you finally returned home. What you weren't prepared for, however, was how indescribably gutted you would feel to watch him - eyes trained to the road ahead - as he gritted his teeth at your proximity.

To say that yours and Bucky’s relationship before the snap was easy would be incredibly delusional. It was messy and at it’s best dysfunctional. But for whatever reason, the two of you looked beyond that. He saw through you like no one ever had and before you knew it, the two of you were glued at the hip. It didn't make sense, but no questions were ever asked.

You just fit.

And of course there was the sex. Good god, you could feel your thighs clenching at the thought.

The way’s Bucky knew how to take you apart, with an accuracy that only he had. How he had your toes curling and body vibrating from the flick of his tongue. How he would have you screaming the most filthy things for him, all while begging to never ever—

“Y/n?”

Sam’s voice was like an ice bath. Your name yanking you back into the present and the question at hand. What was the question again? You couldn't think straight. Not when Bucky was staring at you the way he was, one brow cocked and that same familiar smirk plastered on his lips. If you didn't know any better, you’d think he could read your thoughts.

“Sorry- I… I was…” You couldn't seem to bring yourself back to this realm, too lost in the Super Soldier’s stormy eyes to remember what exactly you were trying to say.

“He asked you where you’ve been, Y/n.” Bucky spoke your name like it was a curse, laced with razor sharp ache and pain. His eyes told a different story though. The way he looked at you; the same way he always did.

With a warmth that only he had for you. It made you shiver.

“Running, mostly.” You started, your body physically breaking your gaze with Bucky. It was too much, watching him glare down at you. And maybe you deserved it.

“And you never thought to, I don't know, call me?” Bucky’s words were spiteful, oozing with a disdain that was beginning to wear down your patience.

“It wasn't like that, Buck-”

“You can’t call me that anymore.” He snapped, his eyes trained on the road. Your gaze snapped to him, brow arched as you all but scoffed at him.

“Oh, I can't?” You chuckled, but the sound came out flat. He had every right to ask you where you've been. Hell, get angry if he wanted. But the way his words seeped with disgust made your blood boil.

“Okay, okay guys. Let’s all take a breath and just—”

“Shut up, Sam.” You both snarled, causing Sam to roll his eyes as Bucky pulled into a long winding driveway with a small log cabin sat at the end of it. You reached for your seatbelt until your door swung open.

“You two figure your shit out. Whatever this is,” Sam motioned to the space between you two, “ isn’t leaving this car. I’ll be inside. Feel free to come in when y'all have killed and made up, okay?” With that, Sam slammed the door leaving Bucky and you alone in your static tension.

Bucky worried on his lip, his eyes trained to his lap. You opened your mouth to speak, but your words seemed caught in your throat.

“You didn't even call…”

It was so quiet, you almost didn't hear it. But you did…

Voice small and so filled with ache; it kicked you in the stomach, the guilt washing away any anger you had felt.

“Bucky… I- I couldn't.” You forced out, tentative as you met his gaze, stomach dropping as your eyes locked with his.

“I thought I lost you. I thought - I mean, fuck - you were all I cared about.” He sighed, clearing his throat as if it would help ease his discomfort. “I looked for you, ya know?” He chuckled, but there was no warmth behind it. Just a brokenness that made you squirm.

“It’s not your fault—”

“Oh, I know it’s not.” Bucky quipped, his eyes flicking away from yours and turning back to face the cabin. “It was your own selfish decision.”

You scoffed, head snapping back to meet his glare. “Selfish? Bucky, I had no other choice. Not everyone can be pardoned for their crimes. It’s not like I had Steve Rogers advocating for my freedom!”

Bucky only rolled his eyes, hands gripping the steering wheel so tight, you swore he might rip it clean off the car. “Don’t bring him into this. You don't think that I would have done everything to get to you? To clear your name?”

You laughed bitterly, blinking away the tears that welled at the corners of your eyes.

“You gotta at least give me more credit than that, Doll.” The pet name rolled off this tongue easily, washing over you, and making you freeze.

“Please don’t call me that…” You faltered, wiping away a stray tear that rolled down your cheek.

It seemed the tension dissipated in that moment, silence heavy between you both as Bucky reached out, his flesh fingers finding a tear and brushing it away. You tried to speak, but with everything that had been said, and all that would never be, you decided words just weren’t enough.

You didn't have time to object before his lips were on yours, your body moving at its own accord as he pulled you onto his lap, your thighs either side of him as his tongue swept across your bottom lip. You tried to moan, but his mouth swallowed the sound. He rendered you breathless, his taste intoxicating as you melted into his embrace, grinding into him and shivering when a familiar growl slipped from his lips; vibrating against your mouth.

“Fuck, I missed you.” You moaned out, clutching his jacket as you licked down his neck. His skin was burning against your lips, the rumble of his breath heavy against your ear as he let out a dark chuckle, urging you on.

“Well, if you had just called me—”

Before he could finish the sentence, you reached for the recliner, snapping it forward as you toppled forwards onto Bucky’s chest. His words fell back into his throat, hands automatically finding your hips to steady you while you fumbled with his belt.

“Doll—” He tried to start, but you swallowed the name with your kiss, heated and rooted in a desperate need to feel him again. You ached for him in a way you’d never felt before.

Maybe what you had was unfixable. Maybe it was beyond repair, but with the way he was kissing you and hiking down your pants, it didn't matter. You were drunk on him, and by the way he bucked his hips, so was he.

You shivered as his vibranium fingers looped into the waistband of your panties, pulling them down over your legs as you both awkwardly tried to move in the cramped seat. You wanted to laugh, but as his cold thumb swiped through your slick folds, all you could do was whine.

“So wet for me…” He hummed, teeth sinking into your throat as he pulled a whimper from your lips.

You cursed, hands propping you up on either side of him as he dipped his index finger into you, the intrusion enough to have your back arching into him, desperate for more.

But Bucky was a tease. And even now, after all of this time, it was the very thing that had your buckling above him. Pleading and begging for more.

“Look at you.” He started, his eyes dark as he pushed deeper inside, his finger curing into you as you gasped.

“P-please, Buck.” You begged, grinding down onto his hand. To your dismay he only chuckled, watching intently as you came undone around him.

“I told you,” He started, lifting you off of him and tossing you against the backseats, “Don’t call me that.”

You couldn't help the giggle that bubbled out of your throat as he awkwardly crawled towards you. But the look in his eyes had your stomach twisting into something that emulated fear. It was guttural as he pressed into you, the outline of his cock digging into your drenched folds.

You bit back a moan, eyes rolling back in your head as his cold fingers brushed against your core, pulling himself free from his boxers.

“Do you still love me like you did?” He spoke, and though the words were soft and filled with promises you had broken before, there was a darkness in his voice.

“I never stopped.” You admitted. And it was true. But that didn't seem to be the answer he was looking for as he licked his bottom lip, eyes trained on your throat.

“I’m afraid isn’t gonna’ feel much like love, doll.” He breathed out, lining himself up with your entrance. Before you could speak, he thrusted into you, knocking the air out of your chest as he bent you uncomfortably in half. You could only scream as he caged you in, forcing you down against the seats as he fucked into you.

It’s not like you forgot how Bucky filled you, but his size was something you would never be able by to fully adjust to. Especially not now, when he was holding you steady, his hips snapping against you giving you no time to ease into the assault. And by the looks of the lopsided smirk plastered on his swollen lips, he knew exactly how shredded you felt.

“Fuck, you take me so good, sweetheart.” The pet name doing nothing to quell the ache he sent ripping through your body as he sank deeper into you. You could only cry out, head smashing into the door as he kept up his brutal pace.

“B-Bucky, please.” You weren't exactly sure what you were asking for, but at this rate you wouldn't last long, the familiar coil building in your abdomen as he nudged up against your cervix.

“Slow down, baby.” You choked on a sob, eyes glassy as his vibranium fingers coiled around you thoat, pining you to the seats.

“Did you miss this part, doll?” He whispered against your ear, a shiver ripping through your body and igniting a flame you had so desperately craved since the moment he vanished from your world. “Miss the way I ruin you, Hm? I can feel you, coming undone. You’re so close, aren’t you?” he teased, pressing his fingers deeper into your throat until you were coughing around the pressure.

“All I need to do is-” His flesh thumb ran circles against your clit, your eyes rolling back into your skull as you croaked out his name, begging him to ease up. “There it is.” He chuckled, quickening his pace until you were a shivering mess beneath him.

“Bucky, I-”

“I’m going to ruin this cunt, sweetheart. Stay still, and let go for me” His voice was like gravel, only letting you breathe once you nodded your head in complicity, pulling your bottom lip into your mouth as the orgasm wrapped itself around your core.

“Fuck.” You managed to scream, your head lulling back as a title-wave of ecstasy crashed over you, pulling you under.

“That’s my girl.” His words tipped you over the edge, his name on your lips like a prayer as you quivered, your body violently shaking. “God you're so tight when you- Shit!”

With a few sloppy thrusts, Bucky came undone. His hot spend coating your pulsing walls as he gasped. Your bodies a tangled mess as he puffed out a breath against your neck.

You both just stayed frozen, too afraid that the moment you pulled away, reality would sink in. And the truth was, you weren't exactly sure what that meant.

Bucky slowly eased himself out of you, gasping a little as you spilled out onto, what you only hoped, would be easy to clean seats.

“Doll, that was-”

“Hey,” Sam knocked hard against the now foggy glass, “You two hungry, or what?”

#bucky x reader #bucky barns x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader smut #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #tfatws

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masterwords · 3 years ago

Text

running toward nothing (part six)

Summary: Hotch is injured in an explosion while on overseas assignment, putting Derek in a difficult position both with the team and with Spencer who has spent the last few months inadvertently falling in love with him. (Set around 07x01 - It Takes a Village but canon divergent by a lot.)

Warnings: drug use, infidelity (almost), kind of non-consensual touching, panic, pain...kinda nsfw so do with that what you will...Derek is about to have a lot of regrets.

Words: 2.1k

Pairings: Hotch/Morgan established

Notes: This is for @tobias-hankel’ s Spencer Whump Challenge. My assigned prompts to do my evil with were Derek Morgan & Betrayal…ooooooogh. This one is rough. I had a hard time writing it, not gonna lie. I threw a few temper tantrums. But we press on, right? Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do to get the outcome we're after...

CHAPTER LIST

Read on AO3: Running Toward Nothing

Lights out everywhere. The whole town was pitch black in a swirl of snow. A surprise late season storm, and the only perk Derek could see as he watched a flame flicker to life in his zippo was that at least the unsub would be held up as much by the storm as they were. Hard to hunt when no one was leaving their homes and so far, he didn't have another victim that they knew of. Time was suddenly suspended in the mountains.

“Generators should kick on shortly, but it's so damn cold who knows. Y'all should go back to the lodge and get some shut eye while ya can. Bound to be a long cold night.”

“They got power?” Derek asked, smirking in the dark. The sheriff laughed.

“Not likely. They got generators too but in this kinda freeze...well everything up here's old, see. Might take a bit. Few extra blankets and a night cap might not be a bad idea.”

The lodge, perched in a small clearing of trees, was dark. Shockingly dark, though the hum of a generator could be heard rumbling from where they parked their tired SUV. The snow was piling up rapidly, by morning it might be buried. “Well, something has power...” Rossi muttered, following the team through the deep snow. He could feel it forming clumps against his socks, bunching up against his ankles. Rossi really, really hated the snow. (Now, snow falling outside a warm cabin with a crackling fire and a glass of Sangiovese...that was different. This was not the same.)

“Not us,” was all Emily said, she and JJ breaking off from the pack to make for their room. Derek regarded Spencer with a strange look, wondering if he was still upset. It didn't seem like it but he'd learned over the years that if there was anyone he was absolute dog shit at reading, it was Spencer Reid. The kid had more nooks and crannies than an antique shop. The first thing Derek thought when they entered their room was simply that he wished he'd thought to leave their heater on, at least it would be warm in there now. Hotch wouldn't have forgotten that, he would have turned it up to full blast, the room would be stifling but no. It was almost as cold as outside.

“I say we pile all of the blankets onto one bed and huddle for warmth,” Derek announced and Spencer nearly choked on his tongue. “It's the smartest option. Better to do it now while we're not too cold than in the middle of the night when we're both shivering.”

Spencer had no argument. It was smart, sure, but also exactly what he wanted. While he went into the bathroom to change into his pajamas, Derek decided he'd do it right out in the open while he called Hotch. He just wanted to say goodnight, they hadn't talked since the argument about the damn pills, and he still had plenty of battery charge if he made it quick. “Hey baby, how are you doing?”

Hotch was quiet. It was a bad pain night, one for the books. He was trying to bide his time and make the pills he liked stretch until the new prescriptions could be filled but it was unpleasant, and he was having a very bad time with it. “I'm okay.” That's what he said, but what he meant was that he wished Derek was there and it was understood. Derek could hear the strain in his voice.

“I'm sorry baby," he said quietly. "I'll be home soon. We just got hit with a bastard of a storm...it'll be a few more days.” He spoke with a softness in his voice that he hadn't been able to find in the time he'd been away. He still felt terrible for snapping the night before, was just glad that Hotch was willing to talk with him after that. “I miss you.”

Hotch hummed in response, somewhere deep in the belly of his pain with nothing more than a handful of aspirin to take the edge off. It wasn't cutting it. Jess was rubbing his lower back, kneading in circles to try and take some of the pressure off but it was barely helping. He told her it was good because it made her feel like she was doing something while Sean slept. They were ships in the night these days. One on duty while the other slept or kept Jack occupied. Sean was better at helping him manage his pain, he could take him for walks (mostly up and down the driveway, maybe to the corner) because he was strong enough to help if anything happened. Jess couldn't do that, so she sat with him and rubbed his back.

(x)

It didn't take long before Spencer was shivering. Derek's internal thermostat seemed to be firing on all cylinders, he was still plenty warm, so he pushed right up next to the kid and whispered something cheeky about snuggling in the dark that made Spencer laugh. He'd taken one more of Hotch's Vicodin while he was changing, the fear of the dark too great. He thought it might take the edge off of everything being so black, no light in the room save for the pool of silver trying to drip through the blinds from the winter moon.

Spencer couldn't find a way to shut his mind off, even with the swirling feeling the pill was giving him. He was floating inside of the blankets, relaxed and almost separate from the intensity of the cold. Is this what it feels like in a chrysalis? His mind was fluttering on furry moth wings, warm and sticky and god he just wanted to talk. Like a child afraid of the dark, talking would help. Maybe he could tell Derek about moths.

“Derek?” His voice was small and came from deep in the mound of blankets, floating through the curves and crevices. It didn't sound like his own as it moved further from him. Derek's response was simply a hum, deep and gravely and thick with sleep. Derek slid closer on instinct alone, wrapped him in his arms and buried his face in Spencer's neck. His deep breathing had all the quality of a big cat purring and Spencer lost his moth dream and was thinking about tigers now. There was a part of him, buried deep, that knew without a doubt that Derek was sure he was holding Hotch, and he was right. Hotch, forever cold, shivering in the blankets and putting his cold feet between Derek's legs to steal whatever warmth he possessed...that was where Derek's mind was. Deep in a dream of being home, in better times, when Hotch wanted to be touched and, hell, could be touched. And maybe he was being silly about that, maybe he should have asked Hotch if he wanted it, if he was waiting too but he just didn't...it didn't matter. He was dreaming about it now and it was so good.

Spencer slipped around inside of the embrace until they were face to face, and in the dark he couldn't tell if Derek's eyes were open or closed but he pressed his lips to Derek's quickly and waited. Bold, maybe, but he had felt Derek's erection against his back and he wondered just enough if it weren't for him, at least on some level. Maybe he was thinking about Hotch, sure, but if he found out it was Spencer would it really be that bad? Derek kissed him back hungrily, holding him tight, and Spencer found himself no longer second guessing any of it. His entire world was the swell in Derek's pants and his sweet cherry chapstick.

It was all he'd ever wanted. The kiss was sleep laced and languid, full of a weird slow-building intensity. Every move carried rainbow shock tracers in the dark, and Spencer almost seemed to watch himself grow bolder by the minute, cold hands slipping up beneath Derek's sweatshirt, fingertips against abs he'd been dreaming about for years. Every move with less and less inhibition, and when he wasn't pushed away, when he was welcomed...he couldn't stop himself, he lost all control of his impulses. One hand first, no sense of timidity left, slipped lower and lower until he was grazing Derek's hip bone. Just a little further and he'd have it all, he knew it, and he felt bold. An out of body experience, he felt Derek hard against his thigh and he let his hands move further without waiting for any further invitations, Derek's lips on his and his roaming hands were all the permission he needed. Beneath the waistband of Derek's sweats he paused and smiled into the kiss, not surprised to find that Derek wasn't wearing anything underneath.

Pressed up close, Spencer's pulse quickened and Derek's breath was so damn hot against his neck. The chill of the room couldn't touch him there. He let his hand slip further, dangerously close and trembling with anticipation, would have made it too if he wasn't stopped by a sudden sharp intake of breath from Derek. Not quite a gasp and definitely not a noise of pleasure, Spencer drew back instantly, pulled his hand back to safety. The space between them grew until it felt like a canyon and he listened to the quick, shallow breathing from Derek in the dark. He couldn't see a thing, and for the first time that night he was grateful because for another blissful second he could pretend that it hadn't been a mistake and that Derek wasn't going to be upset with him. Spencer stared wide eyed straight ahead as Derek blinked himself fully awake, came to his senses, his breathing now almost panicky.

“Spencer?” he gasped, almost falling out of the bed in his desperation to put more distance between them. There was no amount that felt like enough. His hands were shaking, but his body...god his body still wanted that touch. It had been so long, almost 4 months now, he'd been dreaming about touching Hotch again...he dreamed it almost every night now and woke up in a cold sweat but he hadn't thought it would happen now, in a bed with Spencer and god...what has he done? Spencer was almost cowering for a moment, trying to wrap his mind around the situation. He thought Derek was awake, or at least partially awake...into it...

“I'm...I'm sorry. I thought...” Spencer stammered, blinking wildly in the dark. Derek stood in the puddle of silver moonlight rubbing his face, trying to get a grip on what was happening, what his body was still driving him toward. For one blissful moment he lighted on the possibility that he was still stuck in his dream, that he was actually still sleeping. But somehow he knew that wasn't true. This was real. A cold shower sounded stupid under the circumstances but he needed it. So desperately, even if he froze to death. “Derek?”

“No, it's my fault,” Derek mumbled, still in shock. “I guess my mind...” Four months, he thought bitterly. Four months and now look at him. The worst part was that there was maybe no end in sight. And god now he was going to have to tell Hotch...he couldn't even look at Spencer, he felt so awful. “I must have been dreaming. Kid, I'm so sorry. I really fucked up.”

“It's okay...” Spencer said it in a way that Derek thought sounded heartbreaking and hopeful, like he wanted it. Suddenly things were falling into some kind of painfully clear and bright order and Derek felt his stomach twist. He was going to be sick. “Derek, it's okay if you wanted to...I know it's been a long time...”

The dark wrapped him up tight, and Derek thought for a moment that he might pass out. What had he done? What the hell had he done? Forcing his breathing to slow, he counted, tried all of his tricks to calm himself and think rationally. He didn't do anything he couldn't explain to Hotch, it was innocent...stupid, incredibly fucking stupid, but innocent. As long as he took a shower and killed the last of the fire on his skin (and in his pants), it would remain innocent.

“No,” he replied softly, finally finding his voice. “No, Spencer, that's...I'm sorry if I lead you on, made you feel like something was here that isn't...”

He was already walking toward the shower, now in a sort of daze. “I never meant to. I'm so sorry.” The bathroom door closed and locked behind him, and yeah, he knew the power was off and he'd be freezing in a pitch-black ice-cold shower but that was fine. He sat himself down beneath the spray and cried the tears he'd been holding in since Hotch got home. Maybe longer. Maybe since the moment Emily came back and smiled at him with a watery apology floating in the depths of deceit. He didn't know anymore, but his tears were hot and the water was cold and his body went numb sitting there.

#aaron hotchner #derek morgan #spencer reid #criminal minds #hotchgan #mortch #moreid #accidental moreid anyway #fanfiction #may 2022 whump spencer reid challenge

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