#only problem is i think? i forgot my meds

[mental-skillness]

halfway thru my first day!!

[phagodyke]

SUDDENLY STARTED RAINING SO HARD WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK

[miserycanary]

WHAT YOU'RE MEANT TO DO ᡣ𐭩

pairing: alpha!Simon 'Ghost' Riley & workcaholic omega fem!reader

synopsis: you've lived your whole life without any problems due to the status of being beta, and you liked it that way. It doesn't interfere with your work, and suddenly you're informed you're an omega? That can't be.

tags: small arguments, smut like.. actually, dumbification, slight size kink, belly bulge, hair pulling, praise, degradation, breeding kink??, daddy kink, slight overstimulation if you squint, spit kink if you live in delusions

You had a routine you religiously followed. The day starts with waking up at 4, never having trouble getting up because you always look forward to work. You leave the apartment you share with your boyfriend at 5:15— maybe later than that when Simon feels clingy and asks you to stay for that day. You’ll indulge for 5 minutes before pressing a kiss on his chapped lips, promising you’ll come home early for him which seems to satisfy him. 

Now you knew something was wrong when you woke up, exhausted, and all your bones weighed like a ton. Thinking back to last night, the clock displayed 10:15 when you finally resigned to bed, even unable to satisfy Simon (which he understood), opting to cuddle with you and nosing around your neck.

Your groan woke up Simon, his muscled figure making the bed creak as he followed your figure almost dragging itself to the bathroom. “Sweetheart?” he calls out, worry evident in his voice. “I’m fine, baby. Just feeling a little under the weather. Nothing some meds won’t fix,” the reassurance slips off your tongue easily despite all the alarms in your mind begging you to rest. 

Your breathing got labored as your body tried to function. Your lover seems to have taken your word for it and went back to sleep, making you crack a smile.

Finally, you managed to get ready.. at 5:40. On the way, you could feel stares pointing at you. Did you smell? ‘Did I shower? I.. forgot. No, no... I did..’ you think to yourself, putting your things down on the table and letting your legs rest. “What kind of fucking sickness is this?” mumbling to yourself. Your eyebrows furrow, cursing at the world and complaining about the medicine not taking effect. 

Time seemed to go fast but unbearably slow. It seemed like you could only recognize snippets throughout the day. Next thing you know, you hear your boyfriend’s worrying voice coming from your phone. Since when did you call? Nevermind. You hung up. Your mind flashes forward and the bright shine of your laptop looks back. For quite some time, you don’t recall moving, just looking dazed. ‘Water. I need water’ You finally snap back to reality, standing up. The world suddenly swirled and you found yourself on the floor. 

‘Oh, shit. I-I need to get up... Fuck, my legs won’t move'

Tears swelled in your eyes, feeling helpless as people started to crowd you. Amid the commotion, a thundering voice booms out, calling for you. “Y/N!” Suddenly, all you could feel was the cool feeling of your boyfriend’s skin on yours. His scent fills your senses. God, you could live off this. “Babe.. why are you here?” you look at him, sighing in relief when you feel his palm pressed against your cheek. “You called me, slurring your words.” His voice was so deep and rough, you thought. Involuntarily, you squeezed your legs when you felt something gush in between. Your period? No, no.. too early. Unaware, everyone seemed to catch up to what’s wrong with you. Everyone rushed to distance themselves from you when Simon held you protectively, hiding you away from everyone and glaring at those who seemed to look at you like prey ready to be devoured. 

Before you lost consciousness, all you could think of was you forgot to save your document. Then the next thing you wake up to is your apartment’s ceiling and the clattering from your kitchen with heavy footsteps. You could only assume it’s your boyfriend trying to cook. “Ghost..?” you call out, voice hoarse. In an instant, he was by your side with water in hand. “Hi, baby,” he starts, pushing the glass near your lips. You whine when you can’t even move to take a sip, and he melts at that. With gentleness, he tangles his fingers in your hair and pulls your head back, tilting the glass. “Open,” he commanded, which your body seemed to obey, your mouth opening and letting the cold water relieve your parched throat. As some droplets escape and cascade down your cleavage, you moan as it momentarily relives the heat your skin radiates. 

“Love...” your boyfriend starts with the tone you know he uses when it’s about something that will upset you. “You’re required by the doctor to stay home for 2 weeks,” he continues, which finally tips you off. “No! I-I have a project due in 5 days, okay? I just need some paracetamol.” Insisting, you move to get up but you feel your boyfriend’s palm on your waist pinning you down. “No, bunny. You’re staying.” You glare at him in return. A part of you was aware that he was doing this for your sake, but you were too stubborn to let him. “Ghost, stop. I’m not in the mood for any lovey shits, okay? Just let me be,” you snap. Usually, when you get this pissed, he lets you be and just rushes by your side when you inevitably pass out due to over-exhaustion. This time, he doesn’t. 

His stare was firm and commanding unlike the usual. Your Simon was soft, always there to clean up your mess. He never forces you to rest nor to listen to him— even if it is for the better. “Bunny, it’s not normal sickness, okay?” he still calmly explains, brushing the stray hair away from your face but you only slap his hand away, still frustrated. Seeing that you’re getting an attitude, he sighs and kisses your temple. “Do you know what your secondary gender is?” At his question, you stare at him like he asked you if you know the sky is blue. “Fucking hell, Ghost. Of course! I told you this the moment we met. I’m a beta, okay? Can you let me go now?” you hissed, attempting to raise his heavy hand of your hand yet he persisted and pressed harder. “No, princess,” he looks away in contemplation. “I rushed you to the doctor earlier, and… your testing was a mistake. You’re a freshly developed omega and it was advised you.. naturally let your heat happen.” 

There were a few beats of silence before you cackled, tears forming in your eyes. “Yeah, right, babe. As if. Can you just fucking let me go?” The news of you being an omega sounded fake— because it is, you scoff. “I’m not joking,” he mumbles with a new profound authority. After realizing he was serious, everything came crashing down on you. This couldn’t be. You loved being a beta. It doesn’t interfere with your life. You can’t be an omega. You can’t! No, it’s fake. This was a joke! Heats?? You?? No, no. That’s not true– 

“Y/N! Breathe!” Simon’s voice snapped you out of your haze, looking down to see your nails pressed so hard on his skin that’s letting out droplets of blood. Sobs were robbed out of your body, refusing to accept the change in you, yelling at your boyfriend to let you go. His figure immediately wrapped itself around you, pressing your face on his chest and nuzzling your head. “Calm down, bunny. It’s fine... Just calm down,” he soothes, putting his hand under your shirt to rub circles on your burning skin, and trying to get your breathing to match his. His shirt was drenched with tears but he didn’t mind. He muttered endless praises in your ear about how brave you are, and how you’ll be fine because he’s there. Ghost is there for you.

“I’m here, sweetheart” he cooed, pressing a kiss on your ear and laying the both of you down on the bed. He covered you entirely with his figure, protecting you from the world. With a final hiccup, you lose yourself to sleep and exhaustion, settling down and letting yourself be vulnerable with him with his pheromones blanketing your senses as if he’s the only thing there.

Waking up with a gasp, a layer of sweat covered your whole body when your attention was suddenly redirected to the wet spot below you that seemed to seep into the bedsheets. Hot panic took you over and you suddenly felt ashamed. Did you pee yourself out of nervousness? Clamouring, you stumble as you try to wipe the spot away, whimpering when another sudden gush dripped down your legs which woke Simon.

“Sweetheart? What’s up with ‘ya?”

You cry, rushing to his side and throwing yourself at him while apologizing profusely. “I-I’m sorry! Baby, I’m sorry... Please forgive me. I didn’t know!”

“Calm down, calm down.. tell me what’s happening,” his voice immediately calmed you down, your hands still clenching tight on his shirt and sticking your face in his scent gland. In an instant, the strong smell of whiskey, ground, and cigar invaded your nose but you welcomed it. The aroma calms down your nerves and allows you to talk without tumbling over your words. “I-I.. peed,” you mumble in shame that surprised your lover, but it seems the situation clicked in his head and he only responded with a chuckle. 

“No, baby... You didn’t pee,” he sighs, grabbing your waist and sitting you sideways on his lap, while he scoots backward to lean on the headboard. “It’s something omega releases in substitution to lube,” he starts his hand slowly peeling away your shorts, revealing your soaked panties. “This is slick,” his finger swipes along the covered lips of your pussy, a string sticking to his pad. He brings his soaked fingers near you when the smell suddenly hit him. You smell like cherry-fucking-pie.

‘Fuck, she smells so sweet. No, I need to be patient. It’s her first heat’ he thinks while he watches your eyes observe with fascination. He nosed around your scent gland taking in your pheromones that sent blood rushing to his dick. His hand pulls your panties to the side to directly flick on your clit, pressing his thumb down and circling. You whimper, holding onto his shirt as your legs instinctively close. Everything was heightened. It felt like you’d come any minute just from your clit getting pressed down.

“Spread them.” As if your body was possessed, your thighs separate, allowing Simon to completely slip off your underwear and press a single digit inside of you. The reaction was instant. Your back arches and your toes curl in pleasure, red chipped nails digging into his bicep, but he was too immersed in watching your pretty cunt take what he gives you to even care. “Good girl,” he praises, pressing his lips against your ear. Tilting your head to the side, you attempt on taking cover on his bicep, but Ghost only grabs your face, tilting it back. 

“Daddy needs to hear you, princess”

Your moans got higher as he added another finger and pumped them, borderline abusing your cunt. But you needed this. How else will you take your alpha’s massive cock? Looking down on you, he melts as babbles and whines were the only things you could muster. Your body writhes in pleasure, eyes rolling back in pleasure. “S-Simon! I’m... a-ah!.. close!” Feeling your release climbing, your pussy clenches around his digits while urging him to go faster; just a little more push to your climax. A scandalized gasp was ripped out of you when he suddenly stopped completely. “No, how do you ask to cum properly?” his voice grumbles, squishing your cheeks while your face is soaked with tears. “I wanna cum, Simon. Please please please–” he cuts you off, tightening his hold on your face and pressing his thumb hard on your clit. “No, not Simon.���

With that, you finally realized the key to your release. “Daddy, please. I wanna cum, please. P-put your fingers in again. Daddy, please” you whine, a hand releasing his bicep to place itself on his nape, pulling him down so you can messily press a kiss. Satisfied, he plunged 3 fingers in, forcing your cunt to take it. “There we go. Was that so hard, princess? Was it hard being polite to daddy?” he teases, pressing down on your sweet spot. His tongue licks around your mouth, sucking on the wet appendage and letting his saliva trickle down into yours.

You felt so tight around his digits, and the thought of how you’ll feel around him made his cock ache. The hard-on pressing against your lower back which lifted as the coil inside of you snapped. He watches with adoration as you soak his fingers and the bedsheets, a sense of accomplishment bubbling up inside his chest, making precum dribble out of his tip and stain his sweatpants. “Good girl,” the praise slips off his tongue absentmindedly as he sneaks a hand behind you, untying his pants and pulling it down just enough for his cock to spring free.

Still high from pleasure, he manhandles your body to the position he wants. Pushing your body forward so your face is planted on the sheets with your hips resting on two-stacked pillows. Amid pleasure, you got brought back when overstimulation ran through your nerves, feeling Ghost’s cock fill you up, inch by inch. You didn’t even realize when he had taken his bottoms off. The only thought running through your head was him, his smell, his overpowering pheromones, and his cock. God, his cock was driving you crazy.

“Babygirl, you need to loosen up,” he orders, slithering a hand under you to swirl around your clit. “No!.. oh! s-sensitive!” you whine, sobbing onto the pillow. “I don’t care, sweetie. You had your fill, now daddy needs his. Won’t you be a good girl and help me? I promise I’ll reward you,” he mutters, his chest pressing on your back. Driven with the need to be good for him, you let your cunt relax to take him in.

Slowly rutting his hips, he tries to thrust more of his cock inside of you. “Slowly, baby. Breathe for me. There we go. Perfect,” he groans, pressing his forehead on your nape when he finally felt himself completely buried inside your hot, wet cunt. “Such a perfect pussy. You want to make me proud, don’t ya?” You only whine in response, then a loud moan ripped out of you when you felt a subtle bulge on your stomach which got pressed down onto the pillow under the weight Ghost was putting down you. “Fuck, you’re so small, aren’t ya? Such a perfect cocksleeve. What a behaved slut for me.” Without a warning, he snaps his hips, thrusting in and out of you without mercy; like a carnal animal with the intent to just breed. God, this is heaven. This is where he’s supposed to be. With you, inside of you.

“I’m gonna fill you up so good, ma” he moans, your voice matching his. “Ah-ah-ah! Fast! Too fa— oh! Too fast,” you sobbed yet it felt so good. Every sense of yours was drowning with the thought of your mate, of Simon. You were so lost in pleasure, hands sprawled out on the sheets and gripping, trying to crawl away from the overwhelming pleasure. Ghost only clicks his tongue, putting his hands on your waist and pulling you back, filling you to the brim again.

“Daddy was too lenient on you huh? Maybe I need to keep you here. You won’t ever need to use that pretty head of yours, worrying about nothing, sweetie. I’ll do everything for you, okay? Your alpha will do everything for you.” You feel him pull back with the tip catching on your rim. As if given a break, you take a breath but suddenly everything was knocked out of you when he bottomed out with one thrust.

“F-fuck, you feel amazing. You just need to be good to me, okay? You just need to be a good mama for our children, stay at home, and let me use your pretty pussy when daddy needs to relieve stress” Pinning your waist down, it was like he actually sees you as a personal cocksleeve, using your body for his own release.

Thrusting faster, Ghost’s moans start to pitch higher, his hand tangling itself in your locks to pull your face from the pillow. Locking lips, he moans louder while pressing down on the bulge in your stomach, helping him get closer from the fact you’re so small— so easily to manhandle and to use freely. Maybe he should actually just keep you here. You won’t need to work. No need to stress that pretty head of yours over trivial stuff. He just needs you to stay with him.

The thought of you being swollen with his baby and staying inside the apartment waiting for him was the final thing that sent him to the edge. His tip spurting out cum filled you up to no end, kissing the entrance of your womb as he buried himself as deep as possible. Your hands scramble to hold onto something, afraid to get lost in the pleasure; scared of being a slave to the mind-numbing pleasure. You dig your nails on his thigh, sobbing and moaning in pleasure as his release triggered another of yours. Feeling so full, Ghost finally stopped cumming and lets you go. His spent body collapsing alongside you in exhaustion. Silence ensued between you guys, basking in each other’s presence. After a while, he got up to grab a towel to clean you up, knowing you’d be insatiable once your omega instincts completely settled.

Feeling his lips kiss your temple, his rough yet sultry deep voice (or maybe that’s just your love for him talking) telling you to relax made you purr. As you watch him take care of you, scrubbing down both yours and his spent off your body got you thinking. Maybe this is where you’re supposed to be. Doing nothing but behaving for your lover, keeping Ghost happy.

꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱: AHHHH!! It's my first full-length fanfic which happens to be my very first explicit and descriptive smut. Please be gentle with the criticisms!! Also, do you guys want a König version? Please comment if yes.

dividers by @cafekitsune

Please reblog!! Ask is open!

⟢ taglist is open!! Comment if you want to be tagged in the next posts.

check out my other works in the masterlist: ୭!

[morganbritton132]

Hey, me again. Two asks in one day lol.

I have a question, Eddie is definitely famous enough that the teachers can just look him up right? So my idea was that the other teachers have all worked out most of what is going on and who Eddie is because hello, google exists so they just enjoy messing with David. Would that work? I’m genuinely so curious about why no one has looked him up if they know he’s been to red carpets and stuff.

David has made attempts to google who Eddie is. The only problem is that he thinks that Steve and Eddie have the same last name and Edward Harrington is a dentist.

Largely, the other first-year teachers are just not that interested in actually finding an answer to who Steve is married to. It’s just something fun to talk about on their lunchbreak so they don’t spend the whole time talking about lesson plans and students. Plus, it’s fun to tease David about it because he actually wants to know Steve’s whole deal.

I do love the idea of the other teachers figuring out who Eddie is and just not telling David about it.

Of course, they eventually figure it out. They’re all twenty-somethings with iPhones and TikTok accounts. Eventually one of them was going to stumble across new rising TikTok star, Eddie Munson.

David just happens to have the worst FYP in existence because Eddie has yet to be on it. Except once, David was scrolling before bed and came across one of Eddie’s live-streams. Unfortunately, it was a live-stream of an empty room because Eddie forgot to turn it off.

He’s convinced that if Eddie Harrington is not an actor than he must be a director. A small enough director to not have an IMDB page so he googles indie movies that were filmed in Chicago. Some of them were duds, none of them contained Eddie.

Then he started watching shows that were filmed in Chicago to see if he comes up in the credits anywhere. Watching every episode of Chicago Med to do this is not insane because Marissa encourages him, “Maybe you should watch Shameless too. That was filmed in Chicago.”

“Oh,” David says. “He’s a better fit for Shameless than Chicago Fire.”

A week after that while David is still in the thick of rewatching tv shows, Kathy shrugs her shoulders over her potato salad and says, “Maybe he is an actor and he just does theater. He’s very theatric.”

David crumbles the chip he’s holding, “Good point.”

Luckly, David’s girlfriend loves musical theater. Unfortunately, Eddie Harrington apparently doesn’t. (He see a Corroded Coffin member though because Jeff is currently playing Frollo in the Hunchback of Norte Dame).

Two weeks after that, Jordan takes some pity on him and reminds David that Eddie seems to be pretty talented with musical instruments, “Remember when he filled in for the piano teacher?”

“Yeah,” David says, but dismisses it immediately. He’s already checked the composers for every indie movie he’s watched this year and Eddie Harrington was not there. “Maybe he’s a PA. They’d go to red carpets, right?”

“…David, you’re killing me.”

[calware]

post about me. i added pictures to keep it interesting

i've had a problem for most of my life that i'm currently visualizing as a gray dorito poking into me. it's frustrating, inconvenient, difficult to deal with, and overall makes everything suck a little. many people have told me that this problem is most likely adhd, such as my therapist in high school who said it was "textbook." unfortunately, she was just a therapist, not a psychiatrist, and therefore wasn't actually qualified to diagnose me with anything. this was in 2021 when there were no child psychiatrists in my area accepting new patients (thanks, covid), so instead my doctor gave me a few adhd meds at differing doses to see if any of them stuck (i had literally no reaction to Any of them) and the whole thing went nowhere

so, is the problem actually adhd? i'm an adult now and could pay several hundred dollars (of my parent's money) to get a proper test, but it would make no difference as my issues would not be solved by adhd medication (maybe. i'm worried i somehow messed it up) or any form of accommodations. i don't want to ask my parents to pay for something that likely won't have much impact (and my mom wouldn't be fully convinced anyway. both parents are pretty sure there's nothing wrong with me). i want to know, but the time and money don't justify it. so the best solution i have is to keep going, keep learning which lifestyle changes to make and how to "work smarter". i'll be okay. and i say that with sincerity

whoops, forgot my glasses here. this is another gray dorito-shaped problem, only this one is much smaller. i rarely notice it, and when i do, it's superficial. it's only gotten genuinely bad twice in my life. it's my paranoia, obsessiveness, and, on occasion, compulsions that follow those obsessions. now, i know what you're thinking, which is that it kind of sounds like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. frankly, from my understanding, my issue is so negligible that it doesn't qualify as OCD. like i said, it barely affects me. it still bothers me that it's there, though. i do my best to deal with it, letting my thoughts pass as they come to me and not trying not to give into/breaking out of compulsions, but i just don't want it there at all

this is another thing i could see a therapist about, but does a problem this small really justify the time and expenses of seeing a professional? not in my case (not for me, at least. don't apply this to your own problems if you genuinely want to seek professional help)

i have a goal to have enough disposable income later in life to justify paying a scientist to pick through my brain for my own amusement. because, despite no substantial foreseeable improvements to my mental health after getting a psych evaluation, i still find the idea to be really exciting. i have a strong desire to understand how my mind works, how my brain ticks, why i am the person i am. that's how i know that if i ever played sburb, id have the heart aspect (that's right. you thought that this was just a personal post on my homestuck blog that had nothing to do with homestuck. do you really think i would do that? make off-topic posts solely about me on a homestuck blog? look, i even remembered to draw my glasses this time and i made them homestuck glasses. because i care about you guys) and i am vain and self-centered enough to desperately want someone with a phd to talk about me for an hour. and no, i don't need a therapist to tell me why that is, i already figured that one out allllll on my own

[dovveri]

could you love me while i hate myself?

synopsis: y/n, nayeon, momo, and sana are in a polyamorous relationship. momo walks in on y/n self-harming for the first time in 7 months. they all try and talk and work through this together.

warnings: we got depression, suicidal ideation, self-harm (cutting), blood, sexual references, cursing - also this is poly!namosa if ur not into that but i love getting comfort from everyone i love so

w/c: 6.9k

a/n: sooo i wrote this in a day bcs im utilising my #depression as inspiration and lwk we love writing as a coping mechanism - i’m so fine tho i just need my meds to start working again LMAO and they will vvvv soon trust - but in the meantime i can pump out the sad stuff hehe! lwk forgot abt boo and dobby until like halfway thru writing this IM SO SORRY #fakefan and i wasn't bothered to write them back in so they js don't exist here oops!

⸸

fuck. fuck fuck fuck. the thoughts were coming. you wake up hazily, dream forgotten, arms wrapped around nayeon, legs entangled with the three people you loved most in the world. you don't deserve them. shut up!

you shut your eyes, trying to will away the thoughts. they were always there, always in the back of your head, always nagging, telling you that you didn't deserve to live, that you were a worthless piece of flesh born only to cause others suffering, or born with no purpose at all. there's no point to it all. just die. they'd be better off without you. they'd be happier without you.

you feel tears prick the corners of your eyes. it was so loud. you needed them to be quiet. to return to the depths of your mind. you curl in closer to nayeon, trying to breathe in the scent of her to distract you, feeling sana's breath on your hand, listening to momo's soft snores, they were the only thing grounding you. they pity you. that's why they've stuck around for so long. they know if they left you you'd break. they don't love you. it's pity. they'd be happier together. just the three of them. they didn't need you. you needed them. you were a burden to them. you need to leave so they can be happy. you want the best for them don't you? SHUT UP.

you couldn't take it anymore, you slowly unwrap yourself from your girlfriends. slipping your arms from around nayeon's waist and pulling your legs away from the mess of limbs. you look back at them, sleeping peacefully, watch their chests rise up and down with each breath, it's bittersweet. you had so much love for them. you turn around again and slip out the door, closing it softly behind you.

you pad softly towards the bathroom, entering it quietly and sighing, looking at yourself in the mirror. dark circles under red eyes, messy hair, disgusting. look at you. how could anyone love you? the thoughts were louder in the bathroom. almost echoing off crisp white walls. your grip on the sink tightens, you tear your gaze away from the mirror, letting your tears fall into the sink silently. why did i have be born like this? born like this? honey you're not different. everyone else is able to cope fine with trauma, with all the shit that happens in the world. you're just weak. weak, crying little bitch who can't deal with a couple sad emotions. don't think you're special. you're not. why can't i feel normal? you're not normal. you never will be. you'll always be that weird kid on the playground that no one wants to play with. grow up and get used to it already. why won't you leave me alone? i can't leave you alone. i am you. you are me. we're stuck together.

your head's splitting, you don't even realise you're crouched in on yourself now. hands gripping your head, nails digging into your scalp, anything to try and stop thinking. you wish you could just go back to sleep. sleep was easy. you didn't have to think when you were asleep.

that's right. sleep. sleep forever. run away from your problems. that's all you'll ever be good at right? running away. you ran away from your parents when they found out you were dating not one, not two, but three girls! whore! you left your brother and sister with them. they probably got the brunt of their anger. or maybe not. maybe they hate you too for being a fucking disappointment. it doesn't matter. they don't care about you. you left them. now leave your girlfriends. it'll be easier. leave. leave. run. do it.

your lip is trapped between your teeth. you're biting down so hard it draws blood. you're rocking yourself on the floor of the bathroom. pathetic. all you do is cry. grow up already. you can't take it. it was too much. you needed- needed-

you're reaching for the loose tile you know is second from the towel rack, opening it and finding your stash of emergency goods. you had meant to throw it away you just kept avoiding it and now... well you needed it now.

you take out a scalpel, go into the old routine of cleaning it down with an alcohol wipe, the motions that are familiar to you helping you drown out the thoughts already. they're still there though. they were always there. you'd be lonely without us wouldn't you? you actually enjoy being mentally ill don't you? take some sort of sick pleasure in it? is it comforting? it's easy to fall back into old habits isn't it?

once it's clean, you can see clearly again. you remove your pants, spreading your legs and look down at the scars that decorate the insides of your thighs. you take a breath, clearing your head as best you can, and bring the tip of the scalpel to start a new line.

the immediate relief when the blade enters your skin and you watch the scarlet liquid pour out of you is incredible. you're like an addict, drinking in the pain and using it to clear your mind. suddenly, the only sound you hear is the quiet of the bathroom and your own shallow breathing. you've never felt more at peace.

but it's only temporary. like everything is only temporary. seriously? this again? is this the best you can do to try and get rid of me? we talked about this you idiot. you're never getting rid of me. because we're the same. you just made yourself even uglier. congrats. good luck getting your girlfriends to ever touch you again after they see those.

fucking hell. you can't help it when your hands move to the start again, just under the new line you've created. you're about to push in again when you hear a gasp.

you look up in alarm, bloody scalpel in your hand, fresh cut on your thigh.

"m-momo."

"y/n- what-"

"it's not what it looks like i swear- fuck- oh my god- mo- please-" you're scrambling, trying to pull up your pants and cover yourself, dropping the scalpel onto the floor with a clang.

she's on you in seconds.

"no no sweetie it's okay i'm not- it's okay it's okay-" she's pulling you into a hug, and you start sobbing.

you're burrowing your head into her neck, sniffling and crying, she wasn't meant to find out. they were never meant to find out. now you've done it. good luck keeping them now. no way they're going to stay with you after this. better breathe her in while you can because she won't be yours in the morning.

you're squeezing her tight, crying and blabbering into her and she lets you. hushing and brushing through your hair, pressing light kisses along your forehead.

when she starts to pull away you panic, shaking your head against her, terrified she's leaving you and this is it.

"no sweetie i'm not going anywhere. i promise. we just gotta clean you up okay?"

she pulls away from you gently, opening the cabinets next to the sink to grab the first aid kit and comes down to sit next to you.

your sobs have ceded but you can't bear to look at her, staring down at the ugly scars on your legs.

"can i?" momo makes a gesture towards your legs and you shrug, moving closer to her so she can work.

she's quiet when she cleans the wound, focused.

you idiot you stupid fucking idiot. she hates you she thinks you're so gross and-

"do the others know?"

you don't trust your voice to speak so you shake your head.

"is this why you never let us touch you?"

you blush bright red, gripping the bottom of your shirt.

"you know we wouldn't have judged right?"

the tears are coming back, you feel them building up in your neck again, clogging it up, choking you.

"i'm sorry if we made you feel like we would have." momo's voice breaks then, and you look up. momo wasn't one to cry. sana tended to be the more emotional one, nayeon and momo cried too, just less often and definitely more private, momo just took a little longer to come to conclusions sometimes.

"y-you didn't." your voice is croaky when you speak up.

she sniffles a little, finishing cleaning and grabbing the bandages.

"a-are you mad?"

she sighs. "not mad. just... confused."

"i-i- i'm sorry. i'm sorry i didn't tell you guys i didn't- i thought you would think- i thought you might leave or think i'm too much or i don't know i-"

she finishes wrapping the bandage around your thighs, looking up at you then, her eyes shiny. "i could never leave you y/n. i love you. all of you. you, nayeon, and sana are my family."

you're crying again now, hands coming up to wipe at your tears. she gently helps you put your pants back on then pulls you into another hug, breathing shakily as she lets herself cry as well.

you cling onto her shirt, the confirmation that she was still here and she still loved you grounded you.

you both sit on the bathroom floor there, tightly wound around each other. you memorise the way her breathing comes in and out, focusing on the little hiccups, every single movement. it was quiet.

she pulls away from you, hands coming up to cup your cheeks, thumbs swiping along them. "do you want to talk about it?"

you shake your head.

"do you want to come back to bed then?"

you think a little, "i might sleep in the guest room tonight. i don't really... it's not that i don't want to sleep with you guys, i just-"

"is it okay if i join you in the guest room then?"

you look surprised, "why?"

"it's okay if you don't want me to. i just want to be with you if that's okay. to make sure you're safe for one, but also just because..." she sniffs, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear gently, "i love you and i want to make sure you sleep well."

the tears well up again. "of course. it's not you i just- i don't want sana and nayeon to find out like this."

momo nods, pressing a gentle kiss onto your nose, "i understand. do you want anything before bed? water? a snack?"

you smile tiredly against her, still in a sort of disbelief she was still here. "i'm okay. let's go to bed."

momo nods again, standing up and pulling you with her, but she stops again suddenly, looking down, "does it hurt?"

you wince, "not really. i mean the point is kinda for it to hurt." your eyes widen when momo frowns, "but it doesn't! not anymore i mean. i kinda got used to it." her frown deepens, "i mean no not like that! like- well yes- but-"

"it's okay y/n. i want to know these things. if you're okay with sharing them." she's sincere when she looks at you, and then she's pulling you along towards the guest room. your heart drops a little when you pass by the master bedroom, thinking of nayeon and sana sleeping peacefully inside, wrapped around each other blissfully unaware, but momo squeezes your hand and you look back towards her, following her into the guest room.

she turns on the lamp light and starts removing all the extra pillows and everything that were only really there for decoration. once she's done, she starts ushering you into bed and you laugh a little at her earnestness, "you don't have to treat me any different momo. i'm still the same person."

she frowns, climbing into bed after you, "i just found out about a massive part of your life that you've been hiding from us. you're not the same person to me. not when i've only known half of you."

you still at that, unable to look her in the eye as she fumbles around with the blanket, covering both of you and then sliding an arm over your side.

"i'm sorry." you whisper once she's turned off the light and snuggled in close to you.

she takes a breath, "you don’t have to be sorry. i'm here now. i'm sorry it took me so long. but i'm here now. and i'm not leaving."

"even if i'm not the same person to you anymore?"

she finds your eyes in the darkness, "y/n i didn't mean it like that. i fell in love with half of you. i just found out there's another half that i can also love now. you're the same person, you just have more to you than we knew. and i want to know more about that so i can be a better girlfriend for you."

"you already are a great girlfriend."

she sighs, a hand trailing down your back, drawing random shapes, you curl in closer to her.

"i wanted to throw it all away. i wanted to tell you all. i just-"

she hums, letting you think out your words, continuing to trace patterns into your back, eyes locked on yours.

"it was hard. and i didn't think i'd need to say anything because i was doing good. i hadn't done it in so long. i don't know why today i just- i lost control again."

"y'know nayeon would say just because you haven't done it in so long doesn't mean you were better. it just means you stopped thinking about it but that didn't get rid of the problem. which is why eventually the problem came back."

you smile at her, poking her cheek, "you've been hanging out too much with nayeon."

momo whines, "we're girlfriends! of course i hang out with her!"

"you're right though. i'm sorry. i stopped cutting when we all started dating. i think i got swept up in all the excitement and the love but once the novelty wore off and i grew more comfortable with being in a relationship with all of you, some of the bad thoughts started to come back."

"what sort of bad thoughts?"

"...like that i'm not good enough for you- or that the three of you would be happier without me, or that i don't want to... that i didn’t deserve to live or that it’d be better if i wasn’t- y’know… alive-"

you can see the shine in momo's eyes and feel your own start to well up again while you talk. she lets you speak though, just lays there, stroking your back softly while listening to you.

when you're finished its quiet save for the occasional sniffle from either of you.

"do you still think that? that you're not good enough for us?"

you hum contemplating whether to be honest or to try not to hurt her, you decide you’ve hurt her enough and it was time to be honest, she was still here after all, she wasn’t going to leave you, "...yeah."

she's pressing her lips gently against yours, barely there, almost as if she's asking permission, and you press against her softly back to say yes. you can taste the salt of her tears in the kiss, its short, reassuring. you break away with a tender smile.

"i can't speak for the others. but i don't think we could work if we weren't the four of us. you know that sana and i tried to date when we were younger right? and it didn't work out? because we always felt like there was something missing. but once we all got together, it feels right to love each other like this. i think it'd be the same if you left. i think it'd feel like something was missing and i wouldn't be able to stay either. i'm not saying that to pressure you into staying like a 'if you leave i leave' kinda thing. i'm just saying that you are needed in this relationship and i don't think we would be happier without you, i don't even think we'd work without you, without any one of us."

god you didn't deserve her. you loved her so much.

"and the other stuff... we don't have to talk about that now but... if you're open to it in the future, i want to help you find some outside help if that's okay? you don't have to answer me now, just think about it, because i want to help, but i don't think we can do this alone."

you nod, lips quivering while she smiles at you, noses touching.

"thank you momo."

"of course sweetie. i love you."

"i love you too. so much."

she pecks you again, then places your hand over her chest, and you can feel the calm thumps of her heart.

she closes her eyes, lips only centimetres apart, you follow her lead, focusing on the feeling of her heartbeat rather than the thoughts, letting that fill your head, and slowly, you drift back into sleep.

⸸

you wake up with a dull sting on the inside of your thighs. you curse internally when you realise that it was because you had self-harmed for the first time in months. but then you feel a familiar hand tracing lines down your back, and the smell of soft peaches and you recall that momo had found you cutting yourself. but the way she's tracing your back means she's still here and she hasn't left and that you're still okay.

momo realises you're awake, moving her hand to your hair and brushing the pieces that have fallen over your face. "hi sweetie."

"mm morning. what time is it?"

she giggles a little, "its 5pm actually. i didn't want to wake you. nayeon and sana should be back home soon."

you startle, "what?! 5pm?! where did they go? did they-"

"shh shh no it's okay. i woke up early and made everyone breakfast. when they came in they asked where you were. i told them you slept in the guest bedroom because you weren't feeling well. they wanted to see you but i told them to let you rest. i don't think you should hide this from them for much longer though y/n."

you sigh, relaxing back into her embrace, "i know. i'll tell them when they get back." you can feel the anxiety beginning to chip away at you as soon as the words leave your mouth. you'd thought about it before in the past, about how they'd react. on the worst end of the spectrum, they'd leave you, thankfully momo hasn't done that yet. and realistically you don't think nayeon and sana will either. but there was always that fear in the back of your head. it was more likely that sana would feel hurt and start crying and nayeon would get angry that you didn't trust them with the information. both of which you didn't really want to deal with because you didn't want to cause any of them any negative emotions. but if you didn't tell them, it would mean forcing momo to keep a secret for you and have her constantly go around on tip-toes while worrying over you. it wouldn't be fair and you’d essentially be self-sabotaging your own relationship.

momo breaks you out of your thoughts when she uses her hand to rap lightly against your forehead, "what's going on in there sweetie?"

you shake her off giggling and she smiles, "nothing i'm just thinking about how to tell them is all."

"do you want me to be there?"

you look up at her, her eyes are sincere and caring, you could stare into them for the rest of your life, "yes please, if that's okay with you."

momo squeezes you against her even tighter, planting a kiss on your forehead and murmuring against it, "of course it's okay with me. i'd love to be there."

you smile against her, reminded of your eternal gratefulness and love you have for her, before your stomach starts to growl and you pull away embarrassed while momo starts to laugh that adorable, contagious laugh of hers.

you whine, climbing out of bed as she toddles along behind you, still laughing when you enter the bathroom.

you pick up your toothbrush and start to brush your teeth when you notice that the bathroom's been cleaned up since last night. there's no more blood on the floor and you look briefly over at momo who's standing on that tile looking at you carefully, the hint of a laugh still on her face.

"youscdonthaftawatchmeyknow."

she giggles when some toothpaste dribbles out of your mouth, tilting her head indicating she didn't catch what you said.

you spit out the toothpaste and repeat yourself, "you don't have to watch me y'know."

"i know."

you squeeze some of your facial wash into your hand, staring at her in the mirror when she doesn't move, still looking at your reflection with a gentle smile.

you shrug, closing your eyes and beginning to wash your face. you go through all the motions of your morning routine, and when you finish up and turn around to wipe your hands on the hand towel, she's still standing there watching you.

you clear your throat, leaving the bathroom and moving towards the kitchen. you hear her footsteps padding along behind you.

she overtakes you once you reach the kitchen, going towards the fridge and pulling out a few things. you sit at the kitchen benchtop and watch her reheat a few dishes that she must have made for breakfast and lunch.

"where did nayeon and sana go?"

"to the shops. we were meant to go check out that new bakery together in the city but i figured may as well let you rest, we can go another day."

"oh crap i'm so sorry i forgot! i would've woken up i'm so sorry-"

"it's okay sweetie don't worry. they were both fine to reschedule, they were more concerned about you than missing out on the bakery."

"why didn't you go out shopping with them?"

"i wanted to stay home with you."

"i was asleep."

momo hums, taking the food out of the microwave, "i didn't mind. here." she sets a bowl of sundubu jjigae in front of you and then goes to scoop out a bowl of rice from the rice cooker as well. you spent a lot of the last 24 hours crying but you can't help the tears that well up in you again at the smell. this was one of the first dishes momo made for the four of you when you moved in together.

"do you want me to feed you?" momo's joking as she slides the bowl of rice over, but when you look up at her and she realises you're crying she quickly panics, "i mean i can! if you want!" she's frantically rummaging for a spoon and scooping out some rice and stew and holding it out to you.

you laugh, wiping at your eyes with your sleeve, adoring the way she tilts her head like a confused puppy in bewilderment, a small pout appearing on her lips.

you lean up and take the spoonful into your mouth, chewing and swallowing before leaning across to peck her on the lips. "i just love you is all you idiot."

momo blushes and you take the chance to grab the spoon from her and start eating the meal yourself.

she pouts and is about to whine when you both hear the door open, the telltale sign of keys jangling and the happy chattering of your other two favourite people in the world.

"momo! we got that ice cream y/n likes but i still don't think it's a good idea for her to eat it if she's sick!" nayeon's yelling from the door, probably taking off her shoes and you can hear a short squeal and something crash followed by laughter and you know sana has probably knocked something down or fallen over.

you raise your eyebrows at momo who shrugs and grins sheepishly, grabbing nayeon and sana's mugs and filling them with water.

when they come into the kitchen all loud and giggles its a sight for sore eyes. nayeon's kissing momo hello and setting the bags of shopping they have down. sana rounds the corner with more bags and that infectious smile. you loved all of them so much.

nayeon spots you first, frowning and walking over to you immediately, placing the back of her hand on your forehead. "hey baby, sorry to hear you weren't feeling well last night. are you feeling better now?"

you blush, nodding your head, your mouth still full of food.

sana's next to bound over to you once she's kissed momo in greeting as well, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and kissing the top of your head, "we missed you today. i got you this top i think would be really cute on you though! and momoring we also got you one of those draw-on shirts but we thought we could turn it into a date or something so we have four!" she's rummaging through her bags, producing items of clothing and talking about each one with her endless energy.

you swallow your food and look up at nayeon who has a fond smile on her face while watching sana, when she notices you looking at her she smiles and leans down to brush her lips against yours.

"wait... you're not sick with anything contagious are you...?"

"what if i was?"

she's squealing, running behind the counter before momo laughs and hands her the mug of water she filled and urging her to drink it. she also passes sana her mug who kisses her again in thanks.

you hum in content, happy to be around the people you loved most. its almost as if... they'll leave you. you don't deserve them. this is all temporary. don't get comfortable. you clench your spoon a little tighter, trying to will away the thoughts as you shove another spoonful into your mouth, focusing on the taste and the love behind the person who made it for you.

"-and i almost fell into the fountain and she just stood there and laughed at me!"

look at them enjoying themselves. you’re the odd one out. the one who’s about to break everyone’s happy mood.

you can make out nayeon's cackle, "in my defense! it was pretty funny! you had all your bags and everything and you threw your phone at that little boy!"

"wait sana you did what?"

you should just leave. leave them. look how happy they are without you. all you bring is sadness and anger. you can’t give them anything they’d want. what could you offer them?

"momoringg!! don't join her in this! he pushed me!"

"yeah because you were trying to steal his girlfriend!"

useless. hopeless. there’s nothing you can do. you can’t get anything right. not your job, not your friends, they’ll realise soon enough you know? that they’re better than you. that they’re too good for you. then it’ll be them leaving you. do it first before they realise that and break your heart.

"i was not!"

"that definitely sounds like you actually."

"y/n! you're on my side right?"

you look up in a daze, confused at what the context of the conversation was. "sorry?"

momo's frowning, trying to meet your eyes but you avoid her, looking at sana who's pouting, "were you listening? are you okay y/n?"

"y-yeah sorry i was just- just thinking about something. can you tell me the story again?"

suddenly sana's all in your space, basically climbing into your lap and cupping your cheeks with her hands, squinting at you. "what were you thinking about?"

you blush immediately, "oh y-y'know, just work."

"work's more important than me?"

"no sana i didn't mean it like that i'm sorry. of course work isn’t more important than you. can you tell me the story again? i'll listen this time i promise."

sana hums, nudging her nose against yours gently, "i'll tell you if you tell me the truth."

"what truth?" you feign indifference.

you can tell nayeon is looking at momo, asking for an explanation with her eyes but momo shrugs, turning away and going towards the sink to do the dishes.

"we've been together for 7 months y/n. and i've known you for much longer than that. i can tell when you're lying honey."

you gulp, clutching the spoon tighter with your hands when you feel someone else, nayeon, unwrap your fingers gently and take the spoon away, interlocking your fingers with hers instead.

you stand up quickly, unable to be interrogated at such close distance anymore. sana looks a little hurt when you do, pouting but letting you go. you look at nayeon who's eyeing you with a concerned curiosity. momo still has her back to all of you with the tap on but you can tell her shoulders are tense.

you rub the back of your neck in nervousness, avoiding all of their gazes. "u-um... i actually kinda... have something i needed to talk to you all about..."

you can feel the anxiety ramping up, the adrenaline and urge to run away pumping through you, your palms beginning to sweat.

momo saves you when she turns off the tap and wipes her hands clean, "let's all go to the living room and have some ice cream and we can talk about it yeah?"

you smile at her gratefully and she returns it, grabbing the ice cream nayeon and sana just brought back and a few spoons and bowls.

nayeon and sana exchange looks of confusion but help momo bring the utensils over and eventually you're all sitting on your couch in the living room with the television on for some background noise so it wasn't too awkward.

you fiddle with your hands, not looking at any of them while the random sitcom you have plays in the background. momo notices and grabs a hand, intertwining your fingers and squeezing gently, reassuring you that she was there.

you take a breath, clearing your throat and looking up at nayeon and sana.

"so i- um- i don't really know how to say this-"

"it's okay baby take your time. it's just us right?"

"yeah we're not going to judge you honey. we're here for you whatever this is okay?"

you take a shaky breath in, mumbling incoherently to yourself before deciding, "u-um it's probably a bit easier to s-show you." you let go of momo's hand and start to undo the tie at your pants.

"um... y/n if all you wanted was sex i think there were other ways to-" momo slaps nayeon who yelps, rubbing her arm where she was hit mumbling a "what?" but momo shushes her and gestures back to you.

you stand up and drop your pants, immediately feeling the cool breeze against your naked legs, shivering a little and fighting the urge to cover yourself. you stare down at your feet when you hear the little gasps. you decide to start talking, refusing to look up, "i'm sorry i made momo lie to you. i wasn't sick last night. i woke up and started thinking some… not so great things and i needed it to stop so i- um- i went to the bathroom where i hid some of my old stuff and i um- well-“ you awkwardly gesture at your thighs before continuing, “momo woke up and found me after the first cut. i would’ve kept going if she didn’t find me. she helped me clean up and bandage it and then i asked to sleep in the guest room because i didn’t want to um- i wasn’t ready to uh- to tell you guys yet- i’m sorry for keeping this from all of you for so long.“

when you’re done, you risk a glance up, and find the three loves of your life, tears running down their faces.

sana’s the first to move, she gets up and practically jumps over to you, but she stops short right before you touch, “c-can i- c-can i hug you?”

you smile at her, feeling your own tears well up at the sight of your three girlfriends crying. “of course darling. i’m still the same. i still love cuddling with you.”

she doesn’t give you a second thought and buries her head into your neck, wrapping her arms around your waist. you realise you’re still standing in the middle of the living room with your pants down which is a little absurd but you wrap your arms around her, sagging into her a little when she squeezes. you can feel her soft crying and the tears wet your neck.

nayeon stands and comes around as well, a little hesitant but you look at her and offer a wet smile and she breaks, enveloping the both of you in her arms as well with a muted sob. momo joins in as well because of course she does, you look at her gratefully as she sniffles, fiddling a little with her fingers before coming around behind you and moulding herself to your back, hands coming around your waist and holding onto sana’s hands, giving them a squeeze for reassurance as well.

you're surrounded with all the love you wanted. so why do you still want to die? you don't listen to that voice, pushing it down and trying to stay in the moment. eventually, someone breaks away, and you awkwardly shuffle your pants back on, glad to be able to cover up your scars.

nayeon speaks up first, a hand still holding yours, squeezing gently, "how long have you been... y'know-"

"since before i met you. the thoughts started getting really bad when i was still in high school. and all the pressure with doing well and all the extra curriculars i was picking up, it just got too much. the only thing that worked was the pain. it got me through high school, and i started to rely on it. but then... the first time i slept with someone... she was appalled. i had almost forgotten the scars were there until my pants were off. she got scared off and i told myself i wouldn't let anyone else see this side of me."

"baby..."

"it's okay. it got better after i met you guys. and when we all started dating i stopped. i felt happy." you smile up at your girlfriends, tears still streaming down your face, "being with all of you made me forget those things. but they came back. and worse this time because- because i have so much more to lose now. i can't- i can't lose you-" you can't control the sobs when you break down again. pathetic.

the girls are surrounding you instantly, whispering reassurances, brushing through your hair, tracing shapes into your skin, you try and focus on your bodily sensations rather than your internalisations, try and focus on them.

"we'd never leave you honey... we're not complete without you, you believe me right?" sana's tilting your face up to meet hers, her eyes are watery, nose red.

"i'm trying to believe you."

she places her forehead against yours and closes her eyes, sighing slightly, "i'm going to tell you that everyday from now. that i love you and that i'm not going anywhere. until you believe me." she smiles and tries for a joke, "you're going to have to deal with clingy me for the rest of your life."

you let out a broken laugh, kissing her sweetly. "i love when you're clingy anyway."

she laughs as well, wiping at her nose.

you peek at nayeon. you know she has more questions, the frown on her face and the little pout she has breaks your heart. you reach a hand out to her, she takes it after some consideration, and you pull her into your lap.

"you can ask anything. there's nothing off limits. i'll try answer everything i can and i promise i'll be honest with everything. that goes for the both of you as well." you look over at sana who's moved to your side to allow for nayeon to sit on your lap, she's got a hand on the eldest's waist, playing with her shirt, her other hand on your shoulder.

momo moves to your other side, lifting nayeon's legs and placing them on her own, tracing her calves and brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

nayeon's biting her lip, you focus on the small mole under her left eyebrow.

"w-why didn't you tell us?"

you sigh, "i didn't really think i needed to at first. because i hadn't done it in so long. i thought i was better."

"is it because you thought you couldn't trust us?"

"no baby that's not it."

"why did you keep your old stuff hidden then? when we moved in together? a part of you must have thought you weren't entirely better."

you bring a hand up to caress her cheek, she leans into the touch. "you're right. i'm sorry."

"is it still here?"

you look towards momo for an answer and she nods, "i didn't want to throw everything away. i wanted you to make that decision on your own. i thought that if we forcefully got rid of your things you might just try and hide it from us the next time the feelings come up. it's there but i... i don't really like the idea of leaving you alone y/n..."

nayeon's squeezing one of momo's hands, "pretty baby's so smart. i'm thankful you found her momo."

you nod in agreement, "is that why you kept following me around?"

momo nods shyly, her eyes still wet.

"i'm okay with that. i don't- i don't really trust myself right now either. i think it'd be good if someone was with me. if that wasn't... a burden or anything of course..."

sana jumps in, "honey no. you're not a burden. i hope you don't think that about yourself. i love taking care of you. i'd love being able to be there for you while you get better."

you smile at her gratefully.

"what are some of the bad thoughts you have baby?" nayeon's bringing your attention back to her, you can tell she's struggling to formulate these questions. but you're glad that she's asking them.

"a lot of it is about you guys. because you're all the reason i'm still here today."

"what about us? what can we do sweetie?"

you shake your head, looking down at your hands which are quickly taken ahold of by momo and sana. "i guess it comes down to... wondering if you can still love me while i hate myself." your grip tightens around their hands.

"you hate yourself?" nayeon's voice is shaky now, she's trying her best to hold back her emotions, wanting to find out everything she can do for you.

you nod, tears dropping onto her pants.

"there's this song. i think- i think it might be easier to play that for you guys if that's okay? i'm not really- i don't really know how to talk about this..."

they nod and quickly try and find your phone. momo finds it and hands it over to you. you quickly unlock it and search for the song you're looking for. could you love me while i hate myself - zeph.

you press play, clicking into the lyrics and staring at them to avoid looking at your girlfriend's reactions. it's a short song.

could you love me while i hate myself?

could you love me though i don't deserve it?

could you love me like there's no one else

even though you know i can't return it?

could you love me when the water's rough?

or when i leave you in a desert?

could you love me, though i speak with knives?

knowing all to well that you'll get hurt

if you can't answer 'yes' just go

i'm more trouble than i'm worth

could you love me while i hate myself?

because i don't know how this works

i never learned how this works

when it ends, you awkwardly tap out of your app, putting your phone down.

"thank you for sharing that baby."

you hum.

nayeon takes a shaky breath in, then quietly asks, "is it okay if i sing for you?"

you're surprised, looking up at her, her eyes are red. you nod.

she closes her eyes, humming a note to start, taking a breath in again and steadying her voice.

i'll love you while you hate yourself

i'll love you because you deserve it

i'll love you like i love us together

until you're ready to return it

i'll love you when things get rough

no matter where you leave us

i'll love you even when you're

working out all your thoughts

i'll get hurt if it means

some of your pain comes onto me

i'll love you while you hate yourself

and we'll figure out how it works

together we'll learn to get better

when she finishes and opens her eyes, you're sniffling again, tears streaming out of your eyes.

sana's the first to speak up, bringing her hands up to wipe at the tears on nayeon's cheeks, "our little musical genius. of course you came up with a response exactly on pitch after listening to a song once."

nayeon lets out a broken laugh, leaning into sana's touch.

you meet her eyes, a bright smile gracing your face, and you probably look a little silly, wet cheeks and red nosed with tears still dripping out of you, but nayeon laughs again in relief, coming in and kissing you.

you kiss her back gratefully, trying to convey how much you loved her in your action. you can feel sana's hand on your arm and momo's fingers in your hair. you loved them.

the thoughts are still there. you think they’ll always be there. but you don’t have to take them on on your own anymore. it would take time, but the people you loved were going to help you through it. you needed to put some trust in them as well, trust that they wouldn't leave, trust that they loved you just as you loved them, you wanted to get better, for them and for yourself, you believed you could get better with their help, for now, that was enough.

⸸

an extra a/n bcs its important: hi! i recognise that all experiences are unique so i just wanted to say the descriptions here aren’t meant to be generalised and i didn’t intend to write any stereotypes or misconceptions and i apologise if i have - i try to draw upon my own experiences to be able to write - in saying that i hope that anyone who feels they relate to similar themes etc seeks the help they need from professional sources - my dms are open ofc but i am not a professional and it is best to speak to someone who can help you in real time and in physicality. stay safe love y’all practice some self care today if u get the chance! <3

[miksterrr]

the ninja as things me and my friends have texted each other

Zane

"it was between sex, lobotomies, or death- I figured death was the safest option."

Jay

"Pirate hat one day, student loans the next"

-

"The cloak looks like a dick."

"Sorry"

-

"Thoughts are hard to grab and they come by fast"

-

"My med doctor increased my meds again, idk why"

-

"My dad got me another bag of edibles lol so now technically i have 23"

-

"I almost forgot our swords Cole"

"I KNEW I SHOULD"VE REMINDED YOU"

Kai

"Is it bad that it took me toget drunk to be convinced that i have adhd ??"

-

"I AM NOT PUTTING THAT CORSET BACK ON"

-

"Lloyd talk to your fucking deities/spirits istfg."

-

"So I haven't skipped any of my class this week, but this is also the week where ive gotten the least amount of hw done"

Nya

"What's life w/o a little mind fuckery"

-

"I think I might have a caffeine problem"

"oh NOW you realize what we've been saying"

-

"I've only hit one thing so far"

"did you just call kai a thing?"

Lloyd

"Don't you have a stable income rn?"

"lmao no"

-

"Bucket list: go to the mothman festival"

-

"When the tarot cards tell you to go to therapy"

-

"Worse case I get hit by a car"

"I don't think being hit by a car would be very fun"

"but then I wouldn't have to deal with my family"

Cole

"The poem we read in class today was abt tentacle porn :/"

-

"I had a dream last night where yall gave me a mullet"

"Let's do it"

"Let's not!"

-

"How the fuck did I bruise my shoulder"

-

"Being an adult is a fucking scam"

Bonus:

"I got a fifty on my midterm!"

"Out of??"

"110!"

"Yikess"

"I thought i was gonna get a thirty!"

"I mean congrats then?"

"good job"

[zestydistress]

MARBLE HORNETS TIM WRIGHT HEADCANONS

-Had to learn how to do basic things from his friends ever since he got to college. i.e. tying his shoes(the mental hospital definitely took away his shoelaces and he eventually forgot how to do it), swimming(makes entry #65 worse mentally and physically), doing laundry(bro got admitted when he was like 7 and was confined into his room for almost the entire time, he was not learning how to do laundry), sewing(no sharp objects in the ward), cooking(can't be in the kitchen as the nurses worried about the children hurting themselve), etc.

-Has a deep-rooted fear of drowning.(I like to think that ever since he was a kid he was experiencing those time warp torture sessions from the operator where he'd end up submerged underwater for unknown amounts of time)

-Fantastic at navigating. He can navigate the entirety of Rosswood forest. He can navigate any forest. I like to think that he led the guys to places in rosswood during the student film days since he was the only one to navigate the forest to get to film sites(and to get back to the parking lot)

-Has big issues with food textures, cannot stand mushy food.

-Is so sensitive when it comes to spices, bro cannot even handle a bell pepper./hj

-Cannot drink alcohol when on his medicine, was the designated driver every time he went out with friends.

-has a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep, but no one really noticed as he just lays completely still on his back with his arms pressed against his side and eyes closed until he drifts off. When he's asleep he'll move around a lot. He's a flailer. He will scream in his sleep too. Also talks in his sleep a lot and sleep walks.

-Disassociates frequently and often.

-When off his meds he cries when watching Disney movies

-Used to absolutely despise his meds because they made him feel so numb. He knew he was supposed to feel more than that and it made him even more reactive when off of them. Eventually he just grew to forget what it felt like to be off of them, he can't remember what it felt like when he could fully process emotions other than the comfortably numbed ones. He'd still get aggressive, happy, sad, etc. but he could only feel them strongly when they were in the extremes. Any other time it was just dulled from what he usually felt.

-Ever since Marble Hornets ended he's been taking care of his mom.

-Loses stuff so easily it's insane. Mostly loses his keys though.

-Has a terrible fashion sense since he was never able to choose his own clothes. Usually goes for vibrant clothes at first since he never had the option to wear anything that colorful before(this is my reasoning behind that horrendous monkey shirt he wore LOL)

-Has a kinda weak immune system. He was sick so much when he was a kid. His immune system isn't as bad as it could have been. Considering he regularly ran away and disappeared into the forest or further. His immune system got stronger when in college though.

-Picked up smoking like a month after he got out of the hospital, one of his only friends in there was an old man with a smoking problem and would always ask the staff for a smoke which they denied. He also kept calling Tim by the name of his deceased son.

-Basing him off of Night Mind's interpretation of marble hornets. So Masky isn't another personality or anything, it's just Tim trying to get to the bottom of this like Jay is. Except he's using much more... Violent methods. And he loses his memory of when he chooses to become Masky, so ToTheArk and Hoodie help him remember what their goal is(stopping Alex).

(also group headcanons:

I don't like the names masky and hoodie but I do realize they're the most recognized names for them. I love the name Techy for ToTheArk to match the theme, but I prefer calling them:

Tim = The Source

Brian = The Advocate

Jay = The Messenger

Alex = The Instigator

ToTheArk = The Projectionist

I have yet to come up with good ones for Jessica, Amy and Sarah. I have also yet to read the comics)

[moralesmilesanhour]

'cold turkey' but i rewrote it - part two!

summary: the festivities have begun! but you forgot the drinks. whoops. wc: 2k+ a/n: I almost cut this short at like a thousand words but I knew in my SPIRIIITT that I wanted to add more twists and turns to this thing. It's a bit rushed but let's just say I'm very glad I did! if you feel like it: comment your favorite holiday-related dishes :) part one part two

“Traffic was nuts today,” your older sister Alanna sighed as she hauled a carton full of cans of soda over to the kitchen. She looked up and saw Miles, who smiled and gave her a quick wave. “Oh my god, Miles?”

“One and only,” he replied. “Been a minute, ain’t it?”

The woman set the carton down on the floor. “When did you get so big? You're taller than me!”

Miles shrugged. “Growth spurt.”

“Alright then, nice seeing you,” Alanna turned and joined you on the couch with that glint in her eye and smirk that appeared only when she was scheming. “He’s mad cute now, right?”

You rolled your eyes and sighed, “ ‘Lana, no. Not happening.”

“Come on, I’ve seen the niggas you been with and he’s literally your type–”

“Can you lower your voice? He’s right there!” you yell-whispered. 

You craned your neck to see if Miles was listening. His head was down, all focus seemingly directed towards cooking beans. 

You turned back towards Alanna. “Anyway, he’s Jeff’s kid. I don’t want beef with Jeff or his mama if we break up. They literally live around the corner, do you know how awkward that’s gonna be?”

“So pessimistic,” Alanna’s lips were upturned into a pout. “How you just met him and you already imagining the breakup?”

“I’m being realisti–”

“The beans are done!” Miles’ voice interrupted. 

You called out, “That’s great, thank you so much! I’ll see you later this evening?”

He emerged from the kitchen and began to put on his sneakers. “Yup, lookin’ forward to it,” he stood up and made direct eye contact with you as he smiled. “Good luck with med school.”

With that, Miles grabbed his jacket off of the hook by the entrance, and left.

Your sister watched the door shut behind him with a satisfied grin. “He likes you.”

“No he don’t,” you retorted, keeping your eyes glued to your socks. “You want him to like me.”

The image of fluttering lashes and the scar on his cheek returned to you. How Alanna could tell even without her knowing about that little encounter was a mystery.

“Well, either way, do what you want,” she rose from the couch with a sigh of resignation. “I’m just saying he seems sweet. Now, help me decorate, and I’ll let you make the playlist after.”

You perked up at the thought of having DJ privileges and hopped to your feet. “You got it!”

-

Only half an hour had passed since relatives and family friends began trickling in, but you were already exhausted. One more inescapable hug and barrage of questioning, and you swore you’d have a breakdown. 

Ding dong!

“I’ll get it!” you announced, narrowly escaping being accosted by one of your aunts as you made a beeline for the door.

It was Miles again, this time with company.

“Welcome back,” you greeted Miles and stepped back to open the door wider. “Hey Mr. and Mrs. Morales!”

“Y/N! It’s been so long, tú eres tan guapa!” Rio Morales briefly took both of your hands in hers before entering, tugging Miles along with her.

Jefferson Morales was the last to go inside. His warm smile was a stark contrast to his wide, imposing frame. “I see Miles didn’t burn your kitchen down,” he laughed heartily. “He wasn’t too much trouble?”

Not in the way you were expecting.

You shook her head politely, “No, not at all! He even helped me finish dinner.”

Jefferson’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Well, that’s good to hear. We really appreciate the invite.”

“No problem,” you nodded as you shut the door.

“Y/N!” Alanna rushed up to you not a moment later, looking mildly panicked. “Do you remember where you put the drinks? The alcoholic ones, I mean.”

Your eyes widened. “Fuck, I think I forgot to buy them.”

“...Now, your mother was going to nursing school at the time, so she had to…”

Jefferson’s deep voice carried over the music, catching Alanna’s attention. He stood near the tin of mac and cheese telling a story that–judging by the look on Miles’ face–he had told several times before.

That same smirk from before spread across her lips. ‘Do what you want’, sure, but a little helpful push wouldn’t hurt.

“Miles, do you wanna help out Y/N again? She forgot to go out and buy drinks.”

He perked up, relief written all over his face. “Yeah, it’s no problem! I’ll drive her.”

You narrowed your eyes at your sister, but didn’t push back. “That’s cool with me. I’ll go get my sweater.”

-

You squeezed your fingers nervously as Miles turned the key and brought the car roaring to life. 

What could you possibly say to him? ‘Hey, so we almost kissed earlier. Thoughts on that?’ 

“What kinda drinks y’all need?” his voice ripped you away from your thoughts as he pulled onto the road. 

You didn’t answer, your eyes fixated on the motion of his hands spinning the wheel.

“Y/N?”

You blinked.

“Huh?”

“What kind of drinks are we looking for?”

“Oh, um, wine and cider and shit,” you waved a hand in the air, “Stuff that goes with turkey.”

“Cool.”

The ride was quiet, largely because you were busy racking your brain trying to think of something–anything–to fill the silence with. You’d already asked about school, and you knew Miles’ parents. But what about him?

He stopped at a red light, drumming his fingers on the wheel.

“So what do you do, like, outside of school?”

You winced. Small talk was not your forte.

Miles didn’t seem to mind though, appearing deep in thought before he answered, “I draw, when I got the time. Sing a little on the side.”

“I believe you. You look like you have a nice voice.”

An impish smile played on his lips. “Is that your way of saying I’m cute?”

“I…” the words were trapped in your throat. Part of you didn’t want to tell him the truth outright, but he was smiling at you and the sparkle in his eyes made you feel funny. 

“Maybe. Don’t get your hopes up, though.”

He raised an eyebrow. “So there’s a low, but non-zero chance.”

You snorted, “Alright, physics major. The light’s green.”

“Oh, shit. Thanks.” Miles focused his attention back onto the road and continued driving.

You didn’t say anything more for the remainder of the ride, but he caught you staring at him every now and then through the rear view mirror, curiosity written on your face.

Soon enough, he pulled over in front of the supermarket.

“Think you’ll find ‘stuff that goes with turkey’ in here?”

“I hope so,” you laughed, unbuckling your seat belt, “My sister’s gonna put me in the dirt if I don’t.”

“Well, good luck!”

Miles unlocked the door, and you set out on your mission.

Luckily, it only took you about twenty minutes to locate a bottle of moscato and some hard apple cider. Just as he saw you emerge from the double doors, though, a familiar buzzing in the back of his head tipped him off.

Really? On Thanksgiving?

A man wearing an inconspicuous black ski mask and hoodie stood waiting by the entrance, ready to strike. 

“Yo, empty your pocke–”

Miles swung into action the moment he spotted the gleam of a firearm.

You yelped as a string of white web shot out from seemingly nowhere and yanked the gun from your assailant’s hands. 

“It’s the holidays! C’mon, man!” 

“Spider-Man?” Your jaw dropped at the sight of the masked hero. 

He was perched on top of a low building right next to the supermarket, only his white eyes and the bright red streaks lining his suit visible in the pitch-black of night.

“At your service, ma’am!” 

With a quick salute, he was gone as suddenly as he’d appeared. Like, literally gone. You didn’t see him leave.

You let out a deep exhale and made your way back to Miles’ car, but you couldn’t see him in the window. A pit began to form in your stomach, until a voice made you jump.

“Hey, you alright?”

It was Miles, who had somehow appeared at your side without a sound. He was out of breath, leaning his elbow on the side of the vehicle for support.

Your eyes narrowed. “I’m…fine. Are you okay? Where’d you go?”

“Bathroom,” he lied. He pointed towards the bags you were holding. “Need help with those?”

You handed them over without a second thought. “Definitely. You know this nigga almost robbed me outside the store just now? Then, right as he’s about to pull a gun on me, guess who shows up?”

Miles grinned knowingly. “Spider-Man?”

“Showed up quick as hell! Even on Thanksgiving, can you imagine?”

“Crazy.”

He opened the door to the passenger’s side for you to get in. 

“Thanks.”

Miles did a slight bow, allowing you to catch a flash of red and black peeking out from beneath his jacket. You had assumed that he was wearing a turtleneck at first, but upon closer inspection–

“At your service,” he said with a grin before making his way over to the driver’s seat.

As you shut the door, Spider-Man’s voice returned to you.

At your service, ma’am.

The rest of the way home, you replayed both sentences in your head, alternating between the two and replaying the night’s events.

Miles had just so happened to reappear mere seconds after Spider-Man had said the words. They even shared an accent. You considered the absurd possibility for a moment; the police chief’s son being the masked vigilante would make quite the headline, almost poetic in its irony. 

Too poetic.

But just as you were about to let it go, Miles went over a speedbump, causing a jolt that made something begin to slip out from his jacket’s right pocket.

Black, red and white.

You pondered how to broach the subject once he pulled up in front of your house, when a lightbulb went off in your head.

Reaching over to the red button that released your seatbelt, you pressed it halfway, over and over again.

“Miles, I think my seatbelt’s stuck. Help me out?”

Miles removed his own with a click. “Sure, lemme see.”

He leaned over and reached the passenger’s seat with ease. His breath hit the side of your neck as he moved closer, making your heart rate quicken, but you maintained focus.

What mattered was that he was in close quarters. You had to see the suit.

“Got it,” Miles said once he released your not-actually-stuck seatbelt. “You’re free–”

Before he could move any further, you grabbed the collar of his jacket and unzipped it halfway.

“I knew it!”

The look of sheer terror on Miles’ face sealed the deal. Here was Spider-Man, in all of his glory.

“Are you…gonna…tell anyone?” 

His voice was hushed as he spoke. Almost small. You looked into those round, glassy eyes and felt a wave of guilt. 

“I–no, of course not,” you shook your head. “I just…I needed to be sure.”

He relaxed, some of the humor returning to his face. “And now that you’re sure?”

A cheeky grin spread across your lips.

“I guess I should thank you.”

You tugged at his collar one more time and brought his lips crashing against yours.

After getting over the initial surprise, Miles brought a hand up to caress one side of your face and deepen the kiss. Your other hand reached up and brushed the cold metal of one of his stud earrings before you snaked your arm around his neck.

Miles was the first to pull away, zipping his jacket back up.

“I don’t think I can stay in this position for that long,” he smiled. “We gotta get back inside with these drinks.”

You sighed, head still pounding with adrenaline. “You’re right, let’s get outta here.”

By the time you made it up the steps, Alanna was already holding the door open. She gave your face a good once-over and stifled a laugh.

“Did you two have fun on your little adventure?”

You took one of the bags from Miles and held it up like a trophy. “Yup, mission accomplished.”

“That’s not what I meant, baby,” she gestured towards her lips and mouthed “your lip gloss.”

Your eyes widened as she snickered, and let the two of you in. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll fix it in the bathroom. Hurry up!”

A few makeup wipes and a liner touch-up later, you emerged from the bathroom just in time for dinner.

Out of all the chairs strewn about the living room, you ended up seated between Miles and Jefferson. The former kept quiet, save for the occasional joke or wink thrown in your direction. Jefferson kept inquiring about your studies, which would then bounce back to Miles’ studies, which Miles then would somehow deflect back to you. Any and all conversation with Jeff became awkward, considering you had just made out with his son.

The party ending felt like a weight lifted off of your shoulders.

You stood at the entrance, waving goodbye to the steady stream of guests as their conversations stretched on, even from their cars. The Morales family were the last to leave.

After his parents went down the steps, Miles stopped in front of the door.

“Hey,” he smiled and tilted his head.

“Hey. You ready to go? I’m not letting you stay the night,” you teased.

“Wasn’t planning to, I promise. I just wanted to ask…” 

He shoved his hands into his pockets. “When are you goin’ back to campus?”

“Monday.”

Miles winced, “Damn.”

“I know, I literally gotta start packing to-night! It’s a nightmare!”

“In that case,” he took out his phone, and held it out to you gingerly. “Can we keep in touch?”

You accepted the offer, rapidly entering your digits and saving them under your name. “Worried about me spilling your secret identity?”

“Absolutely. I gotta keep an eye on you from now on. Like witness protection, but backwards–”

“Miles, vamos!” Rio called out from a distance.

“I’m coming, mami!” he replied before turning back to you. “See you winter break?”

You planted a kiss on his cheek. “Maybe. Non-zero chance.”

"I'll take it."

[ihavewierdobsessions]

HxH dating head canons multi character💪

Featuring Kurapika, leorio and chrollo

I an severely dyslexic guys so stfu😝

My friends r bullying me for writing these but the day i let mean comments get to me is the day i die.

Kurapika

let’s be honest guys he would not have time for a relationship.

I bet hé tell himself that but ends up falling for you anyway.

He is the most gentle person and so caring that you would question if he’s even real (lol)

He’s reaching out a hand to help you when you step down from a high place.

or he’s carrying you when your feet gets tired after a long date night with him out in the city.

But y’all let’s face it.

The whole thing with the phantom troupe would take up so much of his time that you would think that he forgotten all about you.

and he had on multiple occasions but then snapped back to reality with a “Oh no i forgot to text them back again.”

He feels really bad that you have to live through his issues and he has tried to end things because of that.

“It isn’t you…it’s me” aah guy.

But here, he cares for you very deeply and would want anything to happen to you. when things gets rough and he disappears for a while just be patient and he’ll come back.

It’s not easy but hey we all got fucked up problems we don’t like to face. he just happens to have a lot of it.

Leorio

I’ll hold your hand when i say this. He’s perfect! Get married now and get HIM pregnant. i’m sorry.

I’m normal abt him.

He’s a great guy to be with.

he’s not very experienced but nether am I

Y’all probably met in med school and hit it off from there.

When he falls he falls hard.

He will fight anyone that says anything slightly mean to you (he’ll prolly loose but it’s the thought that counts)

He loves physical touch and can not sleep without holding you in some way.

When y’all have sleepovers (before you move in together) You always fall sleep holding onto his waist as he reads a book before eventually going to bed.

Study dates all the time.

Breakfast on bed.

Y’all are gonna be thing 1 and thing 2 because he will only shut up if you tell him too.

Chrollo

Wow uhm

I wanna bite ahold of him and not let go.

He’s surprisingly gentle when it comes to you.

He treats you like some delicate flower.

Soft smiles and gentle touches.

He keeps you far away from the troupe.

But if you’re in the troupe with him then your relationship is secret when everyone’s there.

He can grow distant sometimes and it’s hard to communicate with him but y’all figure it out.

I dont havé much in him cuz i’m just sure he’ll be manipulative but hey no one’s perfect.

[ink4blotches]

OTP

(Pavitr Prabhakar x You)

Synopsis: You like Mumbattan more than New York, so you chill there often. And sometimes help your best friend out as Spider-Woman. But the people of Mumbattan think there's something more to the relationship of the two heroes.

•

•

•

"What does OTP mean?" Pavitr breaks the comfortable silence that had set in as we sat atop the tallest building in Mumbattan, staring down at the -very- busy streets below.

"Uhm..Only Thing Purple?" I guess, scooting over as Pav moves to sit next to me. "No, it means 'One True Pairing', actually." He states, showing me his phone screen and scrolling on Tik Tok.

The video consisted of a fight Pav and I had the other day with an anomaly. Specifically the part where I not so heroically got electrocuted because I stepped in water.

The music filled as Pav landed beside me, reaching out and putting a hand on shoulder. "You oka-" He got cut off as he was shocked as well.

"Okay why would someone edit that?" I ask as I read the caption.

Two dumbasses...literally made for eachother!!

"I know right? I can still feel the lightning in my veins." Pav shivers, pulling his phone away from me. "And there are tons of edits of us saying we're OTP." He concludes.

A second passes in awkward, notedly not comfortable, silence before a loud explosion came from the streets below.

Ah, back to work.

•

•

•

•

"And Look at That! Our very own heroes have swung by for a quick hello!" The reporter woman smiled at us as I wiped the dirt off my clothed leg.

I smiled back, instantly stopping once I realized she can't see through my mask. "Are you- oh wow, is this live?" Pav asks, waving at the camera.

"Stop you're so embarrassing." I judged his shoulder, to which he threw an arm over my neck and ruffled my hair. "You know you love me." He laughs.

"Oh, wow! That brings me to my only question...the public wanna know! Are you two an item?"

Not this again.

Before I can open my mouth to deny, Pav laughs.

"No, but...might as well do this now. Y- I mean, Spider-Woman. I love everything about you. The way you part your hair, the way you laugh, all the way to your face when you eat really tasty food. And as the months have passed, I realized that I love you. So, will you go out with me?"

I looked between him and the camera, then back at him.

"Nah, I'll pass." I say simply. The lenses on his mask widen.

"I'm kidding! I'm joking! Yes, I'll go out with you Paaaaa...l. Pal." I caught myself. "Oh, my god. Yes!" He tackles me into a hug.

"This is great and all...but can one of you swing this girl to the hospital? The ambulance is backed up..." A paramedic taps me on the shoulder.

I immediately throw myself off Pav. "Yes- of course I'm so sorry come on let's go girl." I grab the citizen, being careful not to touch her...ouch, really nasty arm and swing away.

It takes a lot of focus to swing through Mumbattan with a passenger, but I've done it a billion times. However, it's a little more difficult this time.

Since my heart won't stop beating so fast.

•

•

•

•

I sat in a chair next to one of the crash victim's hospital bed. The teenage boy hadn't woken up yet, and as much as I'd like to be with Pav right now, my duty as Spider-Woman is to make sure people are safe- even if they're not from my universe.

The boy suddenly stirred in his bed, which caused me to put down my phone. "Hey, you're awake. You got into a car crash. How are you feeling?" I ask the boy, who's hospital bracelet says Aarush. Cute name.

"Ugh...like shit. Who are you?" Oh damn I forgot I took my costume off. "Uh...my names Carly, I'm a med student. It's a whole program- don't even worry about it." I shake my head with a laugh.

"Oh, okay. Hey, look it's Spider-Man." He looks at the TV which had been playing the news. I looked up just in time to catch Pav(Spider-Man) catch my hand with a web after I fell off the bridge trying to keep a car up.

I should probably work out more.

I watch with a warm face as the entire scene from earlier plays out again, Pav wrapping me in a hug and me swinging away with a girl in my arms.

"Damn, Spider-Man and Spider-Woman are totally OTP."

[eldritch-bf]

My skin is clear for the first time since I hit puberty and nothing worked for me including prescription stuff and obviously it got worse when I started T but anyway I wanted to share what product I used and how in case it helps anyone else who’s been struggling to find something that fucking works

Noxzema baby

Get the one with eucalyptus extract

I suggest buying it in a store instead of online sometimes they leak during long distance shipping or are affected by cold/heat during transport

Target Walmart CVS Walgreens all seem to carry it

I got mine at Target, current price is $4.49 some places mark it up a couple of bucks

There’s a few different ones but this is the exact one I got so I don’t know if the others will work just as well or not

Buy 2 since they’re cheap this way you can put one on your sink and one in your shower if you’re like me and have problems doing things like taking your meds if they aren’t right in front of you etc. this will make it far more likely you’ll stick with doing it at least once a day I’m serious please buy 2 of them bc it won’t work if you can’t stick with the routine of at least once a day ideally twice

I wash my face in the morning when I wake up and then in the evening when I get back from work and take a shower that’s when I use the one in the shower; if you forgot to wash your face in the morning at least if you take a shower every day if you have one in the shower it’ll be easy to make yourself do it

I also use a very soft wash cloth to apply the cream, getting it wet with warm/hot water, putting a teaspoon size dollop on the cloth, and rubbing it in circular motions around my face very gently.

I think the soft wash cloth is important don’t use your fingers just hang one wash cloth over the faucet to dry and the other in the shower on the rack that way it’s right there.

Also once I’m done rubbing it into my skin I rinse the wash cloth of all the product and use it to remove the product from my face using the same circular motions whilst continually rinsing the cloth out. I think this is essential so you don’t leave any product on your face that may irritate your skin. You rub the product in deep with the cloth and then you remove the product just as vigorously with the cloth instead of a quick little rinse. Plus you keep your hands from touching your face.

Doing it this way twice a day (some days was only once a day) for 3 weeks now my skin is clear. I started noticing improvement after 5 days.

It’s the only product I’ve used that doesn’t leave my skin feeling dry or tight after.

I don’t know if moisturizing your face with anything will affect the results but I did not use any other product on my face no moisturizer nothing. My skin feels normal not all oily or dry.

YMMV but this worked for me so maybe it’ll work for you

[idkwhatever580]

Agatha All Along Commentary

⚠️WARNING⚠️ AGATHA ALL ALONG 1x6 SPOILERS AHEAD

you’ve been warned

Im late again guys 😣 alright. Here goes nothing. I’m seriously considering taking my anxiety meds before these episodes because atp that might help.

Started watching at 3:00 pm

I stg I stg I stg I stg if this turns out bad I’m gonna throw up. And that says a lot considering I have emetophobia

Ooh fancy he’s Jewish

I’m not familiar with the Jewish religion but seems pretty cool.

Okay so we have established that this is Billy Kaplan which idk how y’all dug so deep to figure it out but I guess it was common knowledge and I do not have common knowledge so it adds up

Ooh now there’s a party funnn lol

I wish I had parents that were proud of me

Lmaooooo “you’re both disgusting” is so fucking real

4:25

ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???

She’s kinda hot guys. I have daddy issues but I’m a lesbian lmaoooo

5:14

WTFFFF I CANT DO THIS SHIT I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT IT MEANS BUT SHES TOTALLY LYING TO HIM IN THIS

5:42

wtf does the tower reversed mean bitch

6:14

Hearing her say baby is so fucking hot I’m gonna nut everywhere

Oh lord guys I seriously have problems… but don’t say you weren’t thinking it too 😏

6:51

WTF IS THAT THING A PROTECTION SPELL OR WHAT?!?!

DID SHE PLACE THE SIGIL?!?!

Omg if she placed the sigil on him that would be insane

7:46

If y’all out there with the theories about Billy maximoff’s soul taking over Billy kaplan’s body im kms because that’s so valid

——id like to let y’all know that I know nothing about the marvel comics and I do not intend on learning or digging that deep kk? I also don’t know what Wiccan is but I guess it’s Billy maximoff? Not looking for someone to explain it tho lol——

IM SCARED J DONT WANNA SEE MY BABY

NO WANDA NO WANDA I DIDNT NEED TO HEAR HER VOICE

8:34

Holy shit.

8:39

Watching it disappear is so sad. Like I know she’s hurting and saving the rest of them

9:00

OH MY GOD THE PARENTS STAYED ALIVE I THOUGHT YALL SAID THEY ALL DIED OR LIKE TWO DEATHS

9:33

NO FUCKING WAY THIS SHIT IS ACTUALLY TRUE

Y’all playing too hard

9:52

No fucking way. I’m actually so done right now. I’m so fucking done I need to scream at someone and it needs to be the fucking producer

10:15

That must be so fucking scary to go to “sleep” as Billy Maximoff and wake up in someone else’s body. Like in Disney shows when they switch and shit they have a moment where they look in the mirror and scream but this is def more realistic

Also I thought someone said there were two deaths. I don’t see no dead people up in this bitch

10:55

wtf is this?? inside out?

11:06

Noooohohohoooooo I forgot that Billy M can mind read and shit

12:33

That dog knows

Why is it always the dog that knows?

13:44

Having to call her mom must have sucked balls

15:22

Damn he already trying to fit the part bro. Moving on too damn fast

Him and his mom with the lying bro ✋🙄

Stop I sound like Agatha 😭

16:02

SHE DID PLACE THE SIGIL ON HIM WTFFFF

16:26

Okay I see you little emo gay kid having more piercings than me and having kissed more people than me and I’m older than you 🙄

17:26

Damn that’s crazy. He actually is telling this dude his shit

18:40

Damn that’s so fucking crazy his smile is creeping me out bro

Also I totally knew little Billy M was meant to be a little gay baby

19:24

Damnit all of these hoes have connection with him. Of some kind

19:57

You found a guy on Reddit. And you’re meeting him? That sounds like you’re getting killed.

OMG WHO IS IT TELL ME WHO IT IS

ITS RALPH NO ITS RALPH POOR RANDALL SORRY RANDALL ITS JUST WE KNOW YOU AS RALPH

21:06

Damn he went kinda crazy from being with Agatha all that time huh? That means the only one that can handle her is rioooooo

21:42

Don’t take my wife’s name in vain hoe

lol I’m kidding

I also apparently have multiple wives

Lmaoooo please ask about Agatha harkness

24:06

YOU FUCKING MURDERED SPARKY I WILL NEVER EVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS I DONT CARE IF SHE MADE YOU DO THAT SHIT I HATE YOU

24:19

Omg I can’t do this shit

Does this mean that Tommy is also in someone’s body?

25:27

I seriously do wanna know what kind of crazy that lady eats for breakfast. And I hope it’s me 😏

26:24

Yeaaaahhhh this song eats me up.

27:20

HOHOHOHHHHH THAT PICTURE IS THE IMAGE OF A FA- a gay woman. A gay witchy woman…. 👀

27:36

OH YEAH THEY BROUGHT MY GIRL DOLLY INTO IT

DOLLY PARTON FOR PRESIDENT 2024

Ahem… excuse my political views ✋😭

28:20

Omg omg omg he’s going on the road to find Tommy I’m gonna cryyyyy

29:43

Oh he’s so emo with his eyeliner and his black heart boyfriend and his belt chain and his witchy witchyness

…okay maybe im jealous

29:55

Ugh mommy. They’re both so hot. I know we only see Agatha in this part but I’ll nut to the thought of Aubrey Plaza

30:06

You’re seriously using a fucking house lamp you idiot ✋😭

30:29

You tell me to stop I’ll do it mommy

OH LAWD I HAVE ISSUES

I have to shit bro 😭

31:07

Hooligan is so fucking funny 😭

31:33

Guys I’m nutting everywhere from her sitting like that she’s soooo gayyyyyy

The producer really said “gay” and Kathryn Hahn said “yes”

32:16

I think if I was in that situation as teen, I’d say I want to. I want to poke that damn bear and see if she’ll throw me on the desk and- oh. Right right. Not the point ✋😭😏

I ALSO JUST REALIZED THAT SHE IS WEARING A SHIRT THAT IS RALPHS RANDALLS? Idk anymore bro

32:59

Wait… this is so fucking funny bro 😭😭😭

33:45

OMG SHES LIKE IN THE INTERROGATION TABLE AND ITS ACTUALLY HER HOUSE BRO

I NEVER MADE THAT CONNECTION 😭😭😭

34:21

HOT HOOOTTTTT SHES SO HOT RIPPING THAT TAPE IS SO HOT

34:28

THATS SO FUCKING FUNNY BRO

34:46

Hold on these side swipe things are going too fast I’m so lost. 😭 I hate having a horrible memory that makes me not be able to remember every single detail when we’re going back to something from a different pov

35:10

STFU SHE COULDNT HEAR EITHER TIME AND BOTH TIMES HE SAID SOMETHING DIFFERENT I WONDER WHAT HE SAID ON THE ROAD WITH THE OTHER WITCHES

35:19

YEEESSSSS IM SK GLAD WERE BACK TO THE ROAD

35:28

Yes! Pull yourself out of that mystery goop!!!

36:11

FUCK YOU BITCH FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU DONT BREAK THE SIGIL PIECE FUCK YOU

37:53

Wait. I am so gullible I like her being nice bro ✋😭

38:00

COVERED IN MYSTERIOUS ROAD GOOP OR NOT THAT POSE IS FUCKIGN HOT

38:09

I can’t tell if she’s crying because she’s happy the SIGIL is broken and she’s right or if she’s crying because she actually liked the kid

38:33

FUCK SHES BEING EVIL AGAIN I NEED A GOOD AGATHA AND I KNOW IM NOT GETTING THAT BUT A GIRL CAN DREAM

38:45

I’ll kill someone for you Agatha

39:05

Wait when she’s like don’t feel guilty about your talent I feel like she’s trying to be evil but it’s kind of endearing. Like. Shes so strong about it which means so many witches have felt guilty about their talents before and she doesn’t want that to hinder him. Even if she is evil that’s pretty sweet.

39:53

OH FUCK YOU BITCH KYS KYS HAHA THATS WHY YOU CANT USE YOUR POWERS BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO BE GOOD GOOD NOT DECENT GOOD

40:43

Stfu Agatha. Don’t mess with our bitch.

Robo papa? BAHAHAHAHAHAAA

she knowsssss

41:34

BAHAHAHHAAHAAAAA

42:02

“Got it” not her being serious for once ✋😭

42:25

DONT I KNOW IT BITCH YOU DIDNT HAVE TO TELL ME IM WATXHING YOU LITTLE MAXIMOFF BITCH

Post watching notes:

I seriously needed some Agathario shit and I didn’t get that and I’m mad. IM SO MAD THAT THE INTIMACY COORDINATOR WAS FOR TEO LITTLE BOYS I NEEDED MY MIDDLE AGE WOMEN TO MAKE TF OUT THEY ARE TEASING ME 😖😖😖

[127tyong]

Candy

Pairing: Jaemin X Reader

Genre: Smut, Angst

Warnings: the ending's depressing, im sorry

Word Count: 2.6k

"His fresh, flowery scent that tickled my nose, alongside his warmth, all reminded me of spring, and that's why I loved him."

Part 1 of 4: Spring - Candy

"Ugh, I really am just… so tired." Your best friend, Jaemin, was whining as you attempted to teach him how to solve the math problem on the paper. The homework assignment was only half completed, and it was due that afternoon.

At the time, you were the top student, so everyone went to you for help, especially Jaemin. "Well, you're the one that wanted to go into med school." You scoffed, half helping Jaemin, and half doing everything for him.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Jaemin cried out. Jaemin's desk chair was spun around to face you, the only thing between the two of you was your desk and the homework.

"Depends on if you can answer this." You scoffed, your head resting on your hand, elbow on the desk, forcing the gap between you and Jaemin to become even smaller as he hunched over your desk to solve the problem.

You noticed the fresh smell of Jaemin's shampoo, and the way it made your heart feel ticklish, and you realized that you wanted to touch his pretty black hair.

Your daydream ended when Jaemin shoved the paper in your face, showing you the answer.

"Oh wow!" You exclaimed, taking the paper from his hands. "You're actually right!"

"Why'd you have to say it like that?" He groaned, slamming his pen onto the desk.

"Good boy." You pet his hair as Jaemin nuzzled his head into your hand like a cat. "You did well. Now, finish the rest of your homework yourself."

"You're so mean." Jaemin stood up, opening the classroom door "I'm going to go to the bathroom." 

"Just know I tried to help you!" You yelled at him, half serious and half joking.

"Yeah, yeah, you're a fucking saint!" Jaemin yelled back, slamming the door behind him.

You rolled your eyes to Jaemin's actions, his paper still on your desk, his pen in your hand. As you clicked the pen, you thought about the way he treated you. You knew he liked you, at least to some extent, his blushing ears unable to hide behind his short hair. The only real question was if he was ever going to ask you out, or if he was going to force you to make the first move…

A pile of items falling onto your desk snapped you out of your thoughts, a pile of peppermint candy hitting the desk with a thud. 

"I forgot to give you these earlier." Jaemin giggled, his smile going up to his eyes. 

"Peppermint?" You took the wrapped off the candy, biting into the hard shell of minty sweet, the candy breaking into a million pieces that dissolved onto your tongue as it mixed into your saliva. 

"I have some left over from Christmas." Jaemin chuckled, returning to his seat, taking his pen back from you.

"Gross." You gagged, it being April at this point.

"Hey, this stuff doesn't expire for like, a year!" Jaemin returned to his homework, spinning his pen in his fingers.

"That's… wrong. That's so wrong." You swallowed the remains of the candy.

"Hey! It's still good!" Jaemin pouted over his candy.

"I'm talking about your solution. You don't even remember the basic formulas?" You pointed at the problem.

"Oh." Jaemin deadpanned.

"I think you need a tutor at this point." You sighed.

"Would you tutor me?" Jaemin looked up at you with puppy eyes, pouting.

"Absolutely not." You grabbed your phone out of your bag. "Study hall is almost over, by the way."

"Fuck!" Jaemin scribbled some random numbers on the paper.

The teacher entered the classroom. "Jaemin, turn your chair around and stop bothering the poor girl." 

"I'm not bothering her! Tell him!" He whined at you.

"Thanks, Mr. Lee." You scoffed in reply.

"Mhm." Mr. Lee mumbled. "I'm starting class now."

"Why are you looking at me!" Jaemin looked at the teacher, appalled. "I'm not the only one being a bother."

"Psst, Jaemin." You whisper-yelled. "Look around. You're literally the only one being disruptive." Everyone around you two was giggling at Jaemin, his reputation as the class clown not preceding him. 

Jaemin sat properly in his seat. "Sir, I'm ready." Laughter erupted from the classroom for a few seconds from Jaemin's remark.

"Great, I'm glad you decided to join us."

~

"I need you to tutor me tonight." Jaemin ran after you as you left the school.

"Can't. I'm busy." You ignored him, your pace speeding up. It's not like you didn't like Jaemin, it's more of the fact that you didn't want to have to be alone with him.

"With what?" Jaemin grabbed your arm, his fingers interlocking yours.

"Jaemin, I have a life." You scoffed. "Besides, finals are soon, so I have to study for that."

"Study with me then!" Jaemin pulled on your arm. At this point, it would only be 10 seconds before he actually got on his knees and begged.

"Fine, only after school Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The other days I have to study." You scoffed. "And only at your house."

~

"I'm home!" Jaemin shouted as he opened the front door. "I'm joking. No one's home."

You rolled your eyes, taking your shoes off. "When are your parents coming home?" You sat at the dining room table, putting your bag on the seat to your right, Jaemin sitting on your left. 

"Maybe around 8 pm?" Jaemin slammed his bag on the table.

"Okay, so you need help with your college calculus class…" You mumbled, pulling out your notebook.

Jaemin's head fell on your shoulder, closing his eyes. "I'm sleepy, let me nap for a second."

"Nope." You scoffed, taking Jaemin's homework out of his bag. "Let's start with Lesson One."

"You're evil." Jaemin wrapped his arms around you, making your heart race faster. You hoped Jaemin couldn't hear your heart pounding out of your chest, his head dangerously close to your heart.

You pushed him off you. "Hey, I don't have to be here."

"Fine, fine." Jaemin rolled his eyes. "You don't really like me, do you?"

"Don't be stupid, I wouldn't be here if I didn't think we were friends." You scoffed. "I just don't want you to fail."

"That's true…" Jaemin sitting up properly. "Do you want something to eat or drink? When are you leaving?"

"If you cook me dinner, I'll stay until your parents get home." You suggested. 

"Sounds great." Jaemin scooted his chair up to you, his thigh touching yours. You felt like you could faint at any second, your shoulders touching.

"Okay, should we actually start studying?" You tried to ignore the way his hand touched yours as he copied your notes, or the way his thigh rubbed against yours as he bounced his leg up and down.

"I thought you knew I didn't really want to study." Jaemin whined, suddenly grabbing you by your waist. "Can't we just watch a movie and hang out?"

"Ugh, I guess we can for an hour, we'd still have around 3 hours left… oh, and an hour for dinner… You're lucky that finals week isn't for 3 more weeks." You pondered the pros and cons of taking a break, then finally realizing how stressed out you actually were.

Jaemin pushed to sit closer to you than he already was, his arm around your shoulders, your head naturally falling onto his shoulder. "What should we do?"

"Anything." You scoffed. "I mean, we'll end up talking anyways."

"Speaking of talking… Why did you agree to help me?" Jaemin faced you, giving you direct eye contact.

You sighed, removing Jaemin's arm off you. "Why do you think I did?"

"You… We…" Jaemin mumbled, trying to think of anything.

"You're lucky you're pretty." You scoffed.

"You think I'm pretty?" Jaemin wrapped both arms around you, squeezing you and forcing you onto his lap.

"Can we just do our homework?" You groaned, not 100% knowing how to feel.

"Fine…" 

The rest of the night was spent with Jaemin's clinginess never really stopping, his scent and warmth never leaving your side.

~

"There you are!" Jaemin called after you as you entered your classroom.

"What…" You groaned, feeling like Jaemin forcing you to stay with him this entire week.

And he did, every single day he'd sit in front of you.

But this time, it was different.

Another girl was sitting in the seat you sit in, Jaemin sitting in front of her, facing her.

You felt like your heart shattered into a million pieces. Like your boyfriend cheated on you… But he wasn't yours. You thought he liked you. You rationalized your emotions, his friendliness had to have meant he liked you, right? A veil lifted from over your eyes as you realized he treats everyone the way he treated you. It was just the fact that this week, it was you. You were the girl he played around with this week.

You bit your lip and went up to him. "Oh, hi Jaemin! And you're Haeun, right?"

She nodded, looking you in the eye. Her cheeks were bright red, visible even under her concealer, the way she leaned in to talk to Jaemin similar to the way you did just a few days ago.

"Hi!" He grabbed your waist and pulled you close to him, his head on your stomach. "Are you coming to my house tonight?"

"I don't know… It's Friday, don't you have plans?" You tried to get Jaemin off you, looking at Haeun.

"Actually, Jaemin, I was going to ask you if you wanted to hang out tonight…" Haeun smiled at Jaemin.

"Oh… well, you couldn't have known this, but she and I actually have a thing…" Jaemin smiled back at her.

"We really just study together…" You mumbled, trying to make it not seem like a big thing.

"Oh." Haeun stood up. "I'll just get back to my seat then."

"Wait, Haeun…" Jaemin called after her. "What's she upset about?" Jaemin looked up at you.

"You're so… dumb." You scoffed, tossing your bag down and taking your seat.

"Well? Tell me!" Jaemin pouted.

You rolled your eyes, questioning if Jaemin was stringing you along or if he likes you at all. "She likes you. Can't you see it?"

"Uh… no." Jaemin laughed, grabbing your arm from across the desk.

You felt like your world was suddenly shattering all over again. Realizing he would never like you unless you told him plainly, you had to think of a plan to ask him out…

~

"That's… wild." You looked at the practice sheet Jaemin finished. "You actually got all of them right?"

"You don't have to look so surprised!" Jaemin leaned on your shoulder.

"Wow, I might actually have to give you a present!" You gave Jaemin a hug. "Did you cheat?"

"Oh, shut up!" Jaemin scoffed. "I tried so hard!"

You laughed, Jaemin's hand in yours. "What do you want?"

"A kiss?" Jaemin did a kissing motion with his lips.

You kissed his cheek, your hand on his shoulder, hugging him. "Is that good enough?"

"No." Jaemin leaned in, kissing your lips. 

You could taste the peppermint candy on his lips and his soft hair in between your fingers. It was perfect, you couldn't have asked for a better kiss, or a better man…

But something was heavy on your mind.

"Jaemin." You pulled away. "What about Haeun?"

"Sh…" His head fell onto your shoulder, his lips close to your neck, breath tickling you. "Don't worry. Now, you've never been in my bedroom, right?"

And just like that, you were on Jaemin's bed, his tongue swirling around your mouth, your shirt pulled up, Jaemin's hands fiddling with your bra, removing it.

"You're so pretty." Jaemin breathed into your ear. "So, so pretty."

"You're so wet… Have you been dreaming about this day like I have?" Jaemin rubbed your clit, fingers slowly going inside you with an embarrassingly loud squelching sound.

You couldn't handle the tension anymore, deciding you wanted to really show Jaemin how much you like him. "Put it inside me." You looked him in the eye, cradling his head in your hands. "Do it."

"No foreplay?" Jaemin slid his belt off, unzipping his pants. "If that's what you want…" You stared at his cock, precum dripping, rock hard in his hands.

"I'm sure, I want you…" You pulled your panties off, tucking your knees to your chest.

"Stop teasing me, Jaemin…" You cried out, covering your face with your hands as your thighs shook from all the teasing.

Jaemin pushed your hands away to give you one last kiss on your lips before sliding his tip inside you. "Good girl, you take it so well."

"I can take it all." You cried out, not quite feeling full yet.

His lips made their way back to your lips to muffle your screams as he shoved the rest of his length into you. You began to love the taste of peppermint on your tongue as Jaemin kept his lips on yours as he thrusted into you, his whiny breaths escaping onto your tongue, your own moans muffled as well. You grabbed his silky hair, pulling it as he sped up.

He pulled away a second to bite into your neck, leaving bitemarks and hickeys on your skin. 

"Jaemin…" You whined, about to tell him to stop, but ending up not speaking. You figured that this was the way it was always going to be, that Jaemin would always leave you marked up… "Harder."

"Of course." His teeth sank into your skin deeper, fingers circling on your clit.

You felt so overpowered, overstimulated, overused. You almost felt like you were dick-drunk. You had to have been crazy, the way your eyes rolled back and drool trickled out of your mouth. It felt almost too good, like Jaemin was drugging the candies he gave you. So, unnaturally good, to the point your thighs were shaking as they wrapped around Jaemin's waist and your arms kept Jaemin's body close to yours.

"Baby…" Jaemin brought you down to earth. "I'm cumming."

And you felt yourself reach your own high. You almost felt numb, sweaty but shaking, crying but with a smile on your face. Your womb felt warm, full of cum, Jaemin's cum, and it made you so happy you could cry all over again. 

"I love you, Jaemin." You choked out.

He pulled out, sitting on the bed next to you. "My bathroom's over there… If you want to take a shower."

You figured Jaemin didn't hear you… Or maybe it was too soon. You grabbed Jaemin's hand. "Hold me." 

You pulled the sheets over your body, debating if you should stay or not. You knew that if he loved you, he wouldn't have done that… You grabbed your stuff, getting dressed.

"I'm…" Jaemin stood up. "I'm going to go shower, if you don't want to."

You felt like you got slapped in the face. "Jaemin."

He ignored you, going into the bathroom. You heard the water start running.

And you walked home.

With every step you took, you felt Jaemin's cum pooling into your panties, hot and sticky. When you got home, you immediately threw your clothes into the washing machine, just washing that one outfit. You sat on the floor, the vibration of the machine on your back, feeling so dirty, violated, blindsided.

You pulled yourself together, forcing yourself to believe that Jaemin would never hurt you, that he just didn't know how to react… Anything other than this.

The weekend came and went without a text from Jaemin.

And the school week started.

The marks on your neck never faded, and you didn't bother to cover them. 

You opened the door to your classroom, and you felt all eyes shift to you.

Haeun was in the seat you typically sat in, with Jaemin in front of her, and peppermint candy in her mouth.

Alt Ending

[compassionatereminders]

Hi! Hope you have a great day! I kind of want to vent a little, because I don't know where else to put this:

I (20) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (27) for seven months now. We met last year at a tent camp, immediately got along and were friends for months before getting together. From day one this has been the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. He respects my boundaries like no one else does, we're able to communicate and agree on compromises when problems arise and we're both just very open and honest about our feelings. However, there's something that has been bugging me for a while, and I don't know how to tell him this without sounding like an asshole: He never asks me to stay longer.

We're in a middle distance relationship, so I spend the weekends at his place. His social battery empties relatively quickly, so on some long weekends I go home earlier than I technically could to give him some alone time. We always talk about this beforehand and he always double-checks if I'm fine with it, and for the most part I am, but some part of me is sad that it's a fairly regular occurrence that he asks me to leave early, but relatively rare that he asks me to stay longer. It's only happened twice so far, both times he forgot to take his meds and thus had more energy than usually, and one of them was out of convenience because I wouldn't have caught the train home.

I don't know how to communicate this, because we always discuss the amount of time we want to spend together beforehand and it's fine the way it is and we set reasonable limits for us both, and I don't know how to tell him I wish he would spontaneously ask me to stay longer more frequently.

Some people need routines, set plans and regular alone time to thrive and be able to recharge, and this is not a personal attack on their loved ones or a sign that they don't actually love you. And while it's valid if you decide that a person with those needs isn't a good match for you, I really don't think you should be holding it against your partner that he needs his alone time and prefers to make plans and stick to them. His boundaries and mental health matter too.

[antiadvil]

more thoughts about photosensitivity and tit,

not the preview showing the tv screen static :(

i forgot about incredibly shaky camerawork. that's also an "unconventional" photophobia trigger for me. though i don't think any of my photophobia triggers are actually unusual lol, from what i can tell, they're very standard, just not well understood by the general public

my head has been hurting pretty bad and i didn't take my adhd meds and i have only a vague list of people who said they could help compile the flash effects for me. my hope is that after people's shows they will reach out to me (preferably via tumblr dm, my messages should be open) so that i don't have to hunt people down and try to keep track of when everyone's shows are. i could also make a post tagged with titspoilers for a more group discussion vibe. idk we'll see how things go after antwerp. problem for later. my head hurts.