#only one bed trope but 2x and theres secret dating but stan just wants these funkers to stop bickering

[electricalhuzzah]

Hm wait since Stan and Bill had a heart to heart (ish) last chapter and everyone thinks Ford and Bill hate each others guts and are fighting more than ever….now I’m imagining Stan being like “hey bro you’ve dealt with him the whole time, he can stay with me now so you can have your room back!”

what if i told you,,, i was originally going to put something along those lines in the fic,,, but scrapped it in favor of throwing in something angstier,,,

and what if i told you… it wouldve gone something like this…

[Bill leaves room, just having done some shit to “piss off” Ford.]

Stan: Hey, Sixer, listen… I know Bill’s kinda a pain in the ass to ya, and I don’t think there’s really any substance to it, but… if he’s really gettin’ on your nerves, I can take him in my room and—

Ford: (way too quickly) No.

Stan: (surprised) I, uh… okay, geez. I just thought since he was pissin’ ya off and all… Why do you wanna keep the guy in your room so bad?

Ford: That is… an excellent question… to which I would have to reply… that he snores. Yes, he snores. Very loudly. And I wouldn’t want to subject you to that.

Stan: Don’t be a martyr, bro, I slept through a police raid once. I can take him off your hands, and I won’t have to hear you two constantly bicker about—

Ford: NO.

Stan:

Ford: I just… want to keep an eye on him, okay? I don’t trust him, not for a second, and everyone else in this household’s gotten so lax with him.

Stan: (mumbling, ready to let it go) M’kay, Poindexter, whatever floats your—

Ford: (saying too goddamn much) And, plus, where would you even put him? Our air mattress has a hole, your back wouldn’t let you sleep on the floor if you wanted to, everyone had “moral objections” to making Bill sleep on the floor, and sleeping in the same bed is frankly out of the question— I’d recommend setting oneself on fire before risking skin-to-skin contact with that jaundiced asshole.

Stan: … Well what have you been doing?

Ford: pardon

Stan: I didn’t know our air mattress had a hole. Where the hell has Bill been sleeping??

Ford: (thinking he is in fact cooked) … Another excellent question, if iI may commend you on your… questioning abilities on this lovely—

Stan: Stanford have you been making Bill sleep on the goddamn floor after we specifically said not to do that

(silencio)

Ford: Yes. That is a viable explanation. That is certainly what occurs. Regularly.

(cue an argument)

now, alternatively, if stan went to bill with this proposal—

Stan: Hey, Triangle, you n’Sixer been fighting a lot recently… If you wanted, you could move into my room and—

Bill: Not a chance in hell, ugly twin.

Stan:

Stan: Man.

Bill: I’ll take arguments and eye candy over denture cream and toupees, thanks.