#only have to wash my hair about once a week. like it only gets greasy then.

[walking-loather]

Okay so old timey people didnt shower every day and didn't wash their hair all the time but they were still clean. Like they were obsessed with the idea of bad smells causing disease. And like. They didnt have perfume showers and call it a day, like... They still cleaned themselves and were clean. So what am i getting at. Let me cook. Walk with me. What if being chronically ill and disabled didnt mean that your self care had to fall by the wayside and that you had to languish in being dirty etc. what if you employed historical self care techniques in order to be able to then do things like wash your hair or shower less frequently and still be clean. What if you could have it both ways.

[luveline]

𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 | 𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧

you get upset when eddie's friends think you're clingy. he sets you straight with some unbridled affection. requested here. fem!reader, 2.6k

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

The diner is bustling with life and smells alike, people in their summer jackets eager to sit down and dig into a plate of greasy, fatty meats. You're just as excited, your fingers curled into Eddie's sleeve and following his lead as he weaves through a gaggle of kids playing between the bar and the booths. 

"Sorry, sir," a young girl says to him, springing out of his path. 

"That's okay," he says, leaning back to squint at you curiously, "Do I look like a sir?" he asks you.

Pale faced, dark-haired, the remnants of last night's eyeliner clinging to his bottom lashes, you can't say you'd look at Eddie and think, Sir. Pretty boy extraordinaire with a rather inviting smile, absolutely. 

"I think so, sir," you say. 

Eddie laughs at you, pressing a hand behind your shoulders to move you along. His friend Gareth waves from a booth tucked in a corner under a white sconce. Jamison sits to his left, and Margaret to his right. You feel a little skip in your pulse at the sight —they intimidate you, and you want desperately for them to like you, only you never know what to say. 

"Hey," Eddie says as you approach the booth. He pushes you gently to encourage you into the seat first. "How's it going? Did we order?" 

"We were waiting for you. They said we have to go up to the bar when we're ready."

"We're late, I get it. Where's Jeff?" 

"He went to the bathroom, like, ten minutes ago," Jamison says with a sigh, climbing to his feet. "I'll go see if he's alright." 

"He's fine. Maggie, are you coming to order?" Gareth says, getting up with him. 

"Yes, finally!" she says. 

The relative chaos of your arrival has you hesitating in your seat. Margaret left her purse and her jacket on the table, and Jamison his keys. 

"You okay to stay here while I order?" Eddie asks. 

You'd much prefer Eddie order for you, but you don't want to be sitting here by yourself if Jamison and Jeff come back before him. You won't know what to say. It won't be their fault. You'll make things awkward for everyone. 

You stand up again, shedding your jacket as you do. No one's gonna steal anyone's stuff, the bar is too close. "I'll come with you."

Eddie slots your fingers together easily, grinning, "Lucky me." 

His friends order first and return to the booth soon after. You and Eddie get cut by a cranky looking old lady but neither of you say anything, nowhere to be and no reason to mind. He tells you about the guitar he's been repairing at work and you listen adoringly, in love with the shape of his lips and how he says every word. He's a great storyteller. 

A new friend appears once you've ordered. 

"Hey, Eddie!" one of the waiters says, appearing from the kitchen with a tray of drinks and fries in hand. "Man, I've been trying to get a hold of you all week. The string on my daughter's guitar flew off, nearly blinded her in the process, would you be able to fix that for me? I'll pay you for your time." 

Eddie waves it off. "It'll only take five minutes, you can drop by whenever I'm home. Why do they keep splitting like that, is she messing with the pegs?" 

"She definitely is. Can I get your number? Macey washed my pants without emptying the pockets."

There's a mad scramble for a pen. You have one in your jacket because Eddie's always looking for one, but your jacket is back in the booth. You promise to make a hasty return and set off for it, glad to see Jeff's alright, standing at the table likely waiting for you and Eddie to get back rather than move your things. You like Jeff most out of everyone. With the whole group collected you know he won't drag you into conversation. 

"She's a bit�� much," Gareth's saying.

"How can she be a bit much? She doesn't say a lot," Maggie says. 

You frown. You're the only other she. 

"Not like that, just– the touching and stuff. She's always grabbing onto him like a toddler. I don't think I could stand it." 

"You don't have to stand it," Jeff says. "She's Eddie's girl." 

"Clearly." 

"Gareth, when was the last time you got laid?" Maggie asks, flicking a hair tie at him, to his annoyance. "You're being bitter. They fucking love each other, man, it's nice." 

"It is a little tiny bit too much sometimes," Jamison says.

You wince. You know it's a matter of seconds before one of them turns to see you standing there. Is it worse to turn around or to approach? 

You walk up to the table just as Gareth says, "Yes! Thank you man, she's too–" 

He cuts off when he sees you with a cough.

"Who?" you ask, full well knowing it's you. Honestly, you're shy but you still get mad, you kind of want him to own up and say it while you're there, and at the same time you're hoping against hope they'll lie. 

Thankfully, they pretend it was about someone else. 

"Nobody," Maggie says. 

"Some girl at the library," Jamison says. 

You lean past Jeff with as sunny an apology as you can manage to grab the pen from your jacket. "Eddie," you say by way of explanation, holding the pen up with a shrug. 

You walk away quicker than you should. It's obvious you've overheard. There's a thump and a, "Nice fucking job, loser." 

Eddie's deep in conversation as you offer the pen. He takes it without stopping, but he makes sure he kisses your cheek. 

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, okay?" you say. 

"I'll be right there, sweetheart." 

To get to the bathroom you have to walk past the booth again. With the hurt feeling pounding between your ears and what you suspect might be all eyes on you, you make for one of the two doors. The summer sun and the dry Hawkins heat hits you immediately, a second layering of smothering to wrap around the first. You walk around a rainbow chalk hopscotch and into the shade of the smoking shelter, hands at your collar, breathing hard. 

Don't cry, you think firmly. Don't cry. They'll know if you do and that's twice as embarrassing as walking out. Imagine how embarrassed Eddie will feel if you cause a scene.  

You sit on the little perch in the shelter and stare at the floor. There's nowhere to look that isn't stingingly bright, the sun in the white-blue sky glaring down on you and the sidewalk bleached a blinding ivory. You close your eyes against it. Your shoulders hunch in protectively. Your hands find their way to your face. 

Like a toddler, Gareth said. You press your fingertips into your eyes, fighting against the ache. Is that true? Are you childish in how much you rely on Eddie? You take his hand and his arm, you catch onto his clothes when you're worried, you step behind him when you're overwhelmed. 

"Shit," you whisper. 

The breeze washing over you does little to cool you down. You must sit there for a handful of minutes, worried and nauseous. 

"Hey," Eddie says gently. You flinch despite his best efforts not to startle you. 

He looks tall outlined by the sun. 

"You okay?" he asks. 

"I just wanted some fresh air," you say. 

He raises his brows slightly. "That why Gareth just apologised to me?" 

You wince as he sits down. All of you wants to sag into his side, but a small voice tells you not to. You stay ramrod straight, hands pressed flat and clammy to your knees. 

Eddie gives your elbow a rub. His thumb digs into soft skin and the harder suggestion of cartilage and bone before sliding up. He uses touch often to convey silent reassurement. This seems to say, I don't know what happened, but I'm here. 

"I'm fine. We can go back inside," you say, attempting to fool him. 

"There's no rush." His voice tips to a low, rough register. He's keyed in to your upset, no doubt about it. "It's a nice day, babe." 

He gives you a minute. The small feathering of clouds skirts one edge of the horizon to the other, the shadow of the diner stretching tall as the sun lazes down. You push the worst of your feelings from your mind. It's easy to do with such an unshakeable support at your side, his fingers curling down to your forearm, vying for a hand to hold. 

"I heard your friends talking about me. It wasn't all nice," you confess. 

"Assholes." 

You glance at his face. He has a crease between his brows. 

"Well, mostly Gareth. He said that I… act like a kid. A toddler, that I'm too much, at least for him to stand. And don't get me wrong, Eds, I'm not thrilled that they were talking about me, but I guess I…" You take a short breath and look away from him. "I hate that it's true." 

"You can be mad when people talk shit. I'm mad," he says. "He said you're like a toddler?" He shuffles closer to you on the bench. "Babe, it's not true, okay? You're not too much. Fuck, we're here to hang out and they can't wait ten minutes to run their mouths–" 

"It wasn't like that, it was just Gareth." Gareth's always been the selfish friend. 

"He doesn't get a pass for saying something shitty 'cos he's always shitty. I brought you here," —you peek at him, recognising upset in his tone even when it's the barest inkling— "knowing you didn't really want to come because you get so nervous," —he sounds pained for you— "I fucking told him to leave you alone. I said we wouldn't come around if he didn't stop being a mood killer." 

You worry at your bottom lip. "Maybe that's kind of his point, Eds. You have to look out for me. You had to ask someone to be nice to me 'cos I can't handle it–" 

"You don't have to handle it. The people around you should be nice to you. This isn't high school, you don't have to put up with it, and I told him that." Eddie grabs your arm with the hand that isn't tangled in yours and turns you to face him. "I'm sorry," he says, almost a murmur, "I didn't invite you today to have you humiliated." 

You're feeling a little mortified by the passion of his feelings. He's mad at the wrong person, isn't he? "Why are you sorry? I'm the one who clings to you." 

"I want you to." Eddie holds your eyes, brown and big and imploring you to listen, the starts of his brows sewing together. "I'm sorry because it's not fair. And because Gareth was a dick to you. And for getting mad." He smiles at you ruefully. "I'm being a dick, too." 

"In what world?" 

Eddie leans in slowly, giving you enough time to close your eyes as his nose bumps into yours, encouraging your head up to allow for a kiss. He kisses twice, a third time, pulling away to rub your bottom lip. 

"Are you really upset?" he asks softly. 

You know whatever answer you give him is one he's okay with. 

"I feel so embarrassed," you say. "They knew that I overheard them. Now I feel like I'll be constantly worried about how much I'm touching you." 

"Well, that's their problem. That doesn't say shit about you," Eddie says, wrinkling his nose. 

"I'm really not too much?" you ask. He can likely hear how desperate you are for a kind answer, your throat burning with the effort it takes to stave off tears. 

"You've never been too much. I'm the too-much one. You wouldn't even hold my hand when we first started dating, you remember that? We'd go to the movies and you'd get so flustered when I bought your ticket." Eddie's arms wrap around your waist, the breeze ruffling his sweet curls and sending gusts of his smell your way. You're a goner, dropping your face into his shoulder. "Do you remember that?" he asks again, his face slipping down to yours as he hugs you close. "The first time we went to the Hawk together, I went first, and I don't know why you thought you'd have to buy your own ticket but you got all quiet when I got yours, too. I loved that. You know what I loved even more than that?" 

You smile, knowing he's going to say something lovely. "What?" you ask. 

"I loved how proud you were to sit down with me. You wouldn't hold my hand but you'd put your cheek on my shoulder just like this." 

Eddie rubs the tip of his nose against your temple. "I love how much you want to be near me," he says. "It's not childish, is it? If being closer to me makes you feel better, there's nothing wrong with that. Gareth's just jealous 'cos he isn't getting laid." 

"That's what Maggie said." You laugh. 

"Maggie's a good one. She makes Gareth bearable, kind of." 

You feel the stretch of his back under your hands. Your head is pounding from the sudden rush of big emotions, your tongue dry and throat aching, but you don't have a lick of urgency to get up and go back in. 

"He's such a dick," you whisper. 

Eddie laughs, patting your back. "Such a fucking dick." 

"I can't help being a loser and wanting to hug you so much," you say. You're joking now, but it's true all the same. 

"I tempt the untemptable," he says agreeably.

You laugh and lift up a bit to hug him harder, your face pressing into his neck. 

"You're not a loser," he says more seriously. "You know that, right? What Gareth said, it's not okay, but there's no accounting for idiocy." Eddie sits back on the bench, taking your forearms into his hands for some more soft massaging. "He can think whatever he likes, I'm not the government, but he was wrong, and also it's rude and, again, super shitty of him to do that here. So with your blessing I'm gonna punch him in the face." 

"Nooooo," you murmur. 

"Very soft no. Taking it for a yes."

"Eddie, you can't hit Gareth."

"He should watch his mouth, then." 

You reach up for a second hug. You love that he prioritised how you felt, as well as how eager he is to stick up for you —how mad he is on your behalf. 

"He's trying to take this away from me," Eddie says, leaning back under your weight, arms crossing behind your spine. He looks up at you like you've stolen his breath, lips parted and teeth peeking out with his smile. 

"Do you really want to punch him?" you ask. You sound very fond.

"I hate that he made you feel bad about yourself. And he irritates me." 

"But…" 

Eddie hums like he's thinking for a moment. "No, I definitely still want to hit him." 

You tuck a curl away from his cheek tenderly. "Thanks for wanting to defend my honour, Eds," you say.

"I'm on your side through everything." He looks ridiculously pretty saying such a ridiculously lovely thing. "That's how we work, right? You're on my side too?" 

Your face flushes with heat. "Of course I am, baby." 

"Good. Unrelated to our previous conversation, how much money do you have, roughly? In case I need financial aid in the coming days." He drops his voice to a whisper, "How much even is bail lately?" 

You cup his cheek. "We can't afford it," you whisper back. 

"Typical." 

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

thank you for reading!♡

[breezeflows]

The Long Road (Stanford Pines x Reader)

Chapter 2

Chapter 2 is here yippee!! I feel like these first few chapters are kind of slow but it’ll be worth it i swear!! And also a huge thank you to everyone for showing the first chapter so much love! It means the world to me. Now with all that aside here is Chapter 2! <3

Themes: This chapter is prettyyy sappy, Ford and Reader sort of make up? (Let’s see how long that lasts) sad feelings, small arguments, kissing, yearning, etc all the stuff that’s blanching okay anyways

The next day you find yourself sitting in a booth at Greasy’s Diner, idly stirring creamer into your cup of coffee. The diner is relatively quiet, the only sounds coming from the occasional clinking of silverware against plates and the soft hum of the AC unit. The smell of bacon and fried eggs wafts through the air, and sunlight streams through the large windows, casting the small diner in a warm glow. You take a sip of your coffee, the caffeine working its way into your system as you try to distract yourself from the thoughts of yesterday’s events.

You’re soon brought out of your trance as your close friend Lizzy arrives, sliding her way into the booth in front of you. Her strong perfume drifts through the air as she tucks her curly blonde hair behind her ears, showing off the golden hoops she’s adorning as she readjusts her bright green V-neck. She reaches into her purse, grabbing a bright red lipstick and begins applying it as she speaks.

“Sorry I’m late doll. Traffic was a total nightmare!”

Your face warms at the presence of your close friend, although it doesn’t seem to ease the heartache you’re feeling from your previous encounter with Ford. Your hurt being evident in your tone as you reply.

“It’s no problem Liz.”

Lizzy’s gaze instantly meets yours as she pauses, catching onto your tone immediately. She studies you for a moment, lowering the red lipstick as she takes in your tired eyes and solemn expression.

“Hey, you okay?” she asks gently, voice laced with concern. “You look like you’ve been through the wringer.”

You sigh, your shoulders drooping as you begin to explain your situation to Lizzy.

“I don’t even know where to start,” you say, fiddling with the sleeves of your sweater. (Ford’s sweater ahem ahem) “Things have been… hectic, to say the least. My relationship with Ford has been falling apart, and I feel like I’ve been living with a ghost these past few weeks. He’s been completely immersed in his research, and he barely even acknowledges my presence anymore.”

Lizzy watches you carefully with a frown, her brows furrowed in concern.

You continue, your voice faltering slightly as you recall the recent events. “Yesterday morning, we had a tense conversation where he basically said that his research is more important to him than our marriage. And then one of our old friends from college showed up and it made the situation even worse.”

Lizzy listens intently as you speak, her expression filled with sympathy. Once you finish explaining everything, she reaches across the table and takes your hand in hers, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this Y/N,” she says soothingly. “You deserve so much better than that doll. And you should definitely get out of that house for a bit and clear your mind. How about you come stay at my place for a couple of weeks? You don’t need to deal with all of this...” she waves her free hand around as she continues. “Man-stress, alone.”

A wave of gratitude washes over you at Lizzy’s offer, and you can feel the tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. She really was an amazing friend. You take a deep breath, trying to compose yourself.

“Are you sure?” you ask. “I don’t want to impose or anything.”

Lizzy chuckles dismissively, giving you a reassuring smile.

“You won’t be imposing on anything Y/N. I’ve got a spare room in my apartment, and it’ll be nice to have some company other than my boyfriend. Plus, a change of scenery might do you some good.”

You take a second to consider her offer, weighing the pros and cons in your mind. The idea of getting away from everything for awhile was tempting, and spending time with a good friend is always a nice thought. You take another deep breath, pushing down the small voice in your head that is telling you to stay and make things right with Ford. You knew he wasn’t going to change his mind anytime soon, or at least it felt that way.

“Okay,” you finally say, your voice slightly stronger now. “I’ll stay with you for a while. Thank you, Liz, you have no idea how much this means to me.”

Her smile widens, and she gives your hand another squeeze. “Of course chick,” she says. “What are friends for right?” She then reaches over and takes your coffee, thoughtfully taking a sip of the not-so-hot liquid.

“So, do you need help packing a bag, or do you want to go back home first to get your things?”

You think for a moment before replying. “I can head back to the house to pack a bag, but I’ll probably need to leave the car for Ford in case he needs it. Could you pick me up around 3:00?”

Lizzy nods in understanding, a slight frown on her face at the mention of Ford. Even when the two of you were fighting you still looked out for him, it was admirable.

“Yeah, of course,” she says. “I’ll be there at three. Text me when you’re packed and ready, and I’ll head over to pick you up. Just focus on getting what you need, and don’t worry about anything else, kay?”

You down the rest of your now-shared coffee, feeling a sense of relief at the prospect of getting away from the stressful atmosphere of your house. You thank your friend once again for her kindness, promising to message her once you’re ready to be picked up. With a small wave you leave the diner, heading back towards your house to pack a bag and prepare for your temporary stay at Lizzy’s.

As you make your way back to the cabin you realize walking may not have been the smartest choice. The skies have darkened, and the air has grown crisper. Large, plump raindrops begin to fall, creating a soft patter against the pavement. The once bright and sunny day has transformed into a dreary, rainy afternoon, the weather seeming to reflect your current situation.

You quicken your pace, the sound of rain getting louder as it hits the ground and the surrounding trees. The house soon comes into view, standing tall and imposing against the grey sky. Your clothes and hair become soaked with rain as you speed towards the front door, swinging it open and shutting it behind you.

As you step into the house, the heavy door closing behind you with a soft thump, you are surprised to find Ford standing in the entryway. He looks the same as before, tired, and a bit weathered. Although he seems taken aback by your appearance, his eyes flickering with surprise and… something else.

“You’re soaked,” he says, a hint of concern in his voice. “What happened?”

You turn your gaze from him as you shed your coat, revealing his old sweater underneath as you place it on a nearby hook.

“I went out with Lizzy for a late breakfast and got caught in the rain.”

Ford watches you as you hang your coat and begin to remove your shoes. He notices the slight distance in your voice, and the way you avoid his gaze. He knows deep down there’s more to it than just a simple breakfast with a friend. He hesitates a moment before speaking.

“I see,” he says slowly. “So, you two just… had breakfast?”

A sigh escapes you as you sit up straight, finally meeting his gaze.

“Yep.”

Ford’s jaw clenches slightly as he studies you, clearly sensing that there’s more to the story than you’re letting on.

“That’s it?” He presses, a note of skepticism in his voice.

“I’m going to be staying at her place for a couple of weeks.”

His eyes widen at your response, his lips parting in surprise. The hint of skepticism in his voice grows stronger as he takes a small step towards you.

“Wait a minute,” he says. “How long..?”

You turn your head from him with a frown, hugging your arms as you speak in a quiet yet frustrated tone.

“I’ll be out of your hair this way and you can focus on your project with Fiddleford, since it obviously takes higher priority.”

Ford’s eyes widen even further, a mix of shock and pain crossing his face at your words. His hands clench at his sides as he processes what you’ve just said, his mind reeling.

“What are you talking about?” he asks, his tone now filled with frustration. “You’re treating this like I just want to get rid of you, like I don’t-“ He pauses closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Like what Stanford?” you step forward, beginning to become angry with him. “Don’t act as though you didn’t tell me that your research is bigger than our relationship. You’ve tossed everything aside but now that I’m leaving for a few weeks you’re suddenly concerned?”

His eyes snap open at your outburst, scowling as his expression was a mix of frustration and guilt.

“You’re twisting my words,” he snaps. “I never said my research was bigger than our marriage. I just…” He falls silent, his anger deflating slightly as he looks at you, his eyes filled with a mixture of pleading in remorse.

“I just need some time to focus on this project,” he continues, softer now, his frustration giving way to desperation. “But that doesn’t mean I wanted you to leave. I… I never wanted that Y/N. Never.”

Your anger and resolve begin to crumble at his pleading state, your eyes softening as they meet his. You find your legs moving on their own as you step towards him, your arms slowly reaching to wrap around his middle. You rest your cheek on Ford’s shoulder, inhaling his scent. A mixture of pine and musk, with a tinge of smoke.

He lets out a shaky breath as you approach him, his rigid stance relaxing as you embraced him. His own hands eventually find your back, hesitating for a moment, but soon returning the embrace. He holds you as close to him as possible, trembling slightly as he buried his face in your hair.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he whispered, his voice muffled, but filled with a combination of mixture and despair.

“Please don’t leave me.”

You tighten your arms around him, your voice soft and reassuring.

“I’m not leaving you Ford,” you speak, your breath warm against his neck. “I just think we both need a bit of space right now. I need time to sort out my thoughts, and I think getting away for awhile will help with that. But I promise you I’m not leaving you.”

Ford’s grip on you tightens slightly at your words, as if he is afraid to let you go. His body tremors faintly as he absorbs your reassurance, his voice a mixture of relief and resignation.

“How long?” he asks with a vulnerable tone. “How long will you be gone?”

You pull back, just enough to look him in the eyes. You reach up, gently cupping his face in your hands, and he leans into your touch.

“Just a couple of weeks at most,” your thumb stroked his cheek as you spoke, giving him a look of sympathy. “When I get back, we can work through this, alright?”

His eyes search yours, his expression now one of understanding. Ford nods slowly, his hands moving to cover yours, his calloused fingers gripping your wrists gently.

“Alright. But please stay in touch. I need to know you’re okay.”

You manage to give him a soft smile and a nod, before leaning in and pressing a tender kiss to his lips. Ford’s eyes fluttered shut at the unexpected gesture, a small sound of surprise escaping him. His hands grip yours even tighter, his body leaning into yours as the kiss lingers for a moment.

After sharing a few more, you finally pull back. Ford’s eyes open, and he gazes at you with a look of surprise and yearning. A slight flush of pink is apparent on his features, his lips parted and slightly reddened from the act. He observes you for a moment, before bringing your knuckles to his lips, placing a gentle kiss there as if trying to hold on to this moment for as long as possible.

“I’ll miss you,” he spoke tenderly. “Don’t forget about me while you’re gone, okay?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Sixer.”

Ford’s heart skips a beat at the familiar nickname, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He pulls you closer, enveloping you in his embrace once more, large calloused hands wrapping around your back.

“Good,” he murmurs, resting his chin atop of your head.

“Because I’ll be counting the days until you come back.”

tags :) - @artistic-gato @karmaisacatluzi @therottenheartofscum

[ally1uvsu]

But when he loves me (I feel like I’m floating) | Choi Su-bong (Thanos) x Nam-gyu

⨉⠀⠀─⠀⠀Series .⠀›⠀Trans Namgyu Week 2025⠀‎ꪆৎ day 3; emotional hurt/comfort — Day 1 | Day 2

·⠀warnings info⠀· NSFW — . wc; 3.5k

summary; The second Nam-gyu left those games, He thought he'd be the happiest person alive. But no, as he was tossed out of the van with some random player, the chilling air hitting his half-naked body, Nam-gyu realized he might be wrong.

info; Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Anorexia, likely ngl, trans namgyu, Alternative Universe - Everyone leaves (Squid Game), Post Games, throwing up, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Well shared kiss, Cuddling & Snuggling, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Happy Ending, Theyre so gay I hate them: (, Choi Subong I Thanos Lives, Soft Namgyu (Squid Game), Soft Choi Subong I Thanos, Excessive binding, Bruises, Namgyu is probably depressed ngl

notes; IM SO COOKED OH MY DAYS 😭😭 I’ve been stressing over janitor AI and personal shit that i forgor ab the week challenge.. I SAEAR I’LL POST DAY 4 AND 5 AS SOON AS I CAN MAYBE IN A FEW HOURS BOTH WILL BE OUT TRUST

The second Nam-gyu left those games, He thought he'd be the happiest person alive. But no, as he was tossed out of the van with some random player, the chilling air hitting his half-naked body, Nam-gyu realized he might be wrong.

As they both managed to free themselves, the reality seemed to reach Nam-gyu. He only really managed to leave alive because he was high the whole fucking time.

The player whom he had been dropped with and him exchanged a brief goodbye once they were both dressed, Nam-gyu normally wouldn't care less about saying his farewells but.. that place made him feel a bit more different.

His mind was reeling as he walked, realizing that maybe.. hell, not maybe. This money he had was dirty, this money was someone's life. Every million won was someone's life.

Nam-gyu was pissed in the beginning when after the fourth game the people who wanted to leave won in the voting, even if they each left with a billion won. Few players left alive, thankfully, Thanos included. He remembered both of them high off their asses and complaining over it, but only because of that ecstasy pill.

Walking back home with the chill of the wind hitting his face made reality suddenly hit him, he killed people. So many people were dead because of what he did.. well, because of lights out and everything.

He wondered if Thanos was okay, at least. He was sure of the fact that the purple haired man was somewhere in Korea, tossed out of the car and maybe on drugs, Nam-gyu surprisingly couldn't stomach the thought of getting high.

He felt miserable as he walked towards his overly small apartment, he'd sleep for tonight, pack up, and maybe buy a house big enough for him to live with this money? Find something he was good at and stick with that.

And that's what he did, one would expect things to go well after moving, but Nam-gyu kept getting worse.

He couldn't stomach eating, remembering hwo the meals were served after a practical massacre of people, the food he was eating was paid with the money that cost someone's life.

His stomach didn't even have the strength to rumble anymore, even if Nam-gyu felt weak, he just couldn't eat. Normally, everyday he didn't even bother taking off his binder, even if breathing got a little too hard.

That's when he decided to go to a bar to drink his worries away, drinking in an empty stomach wasn't the best idea but Nam-gyu was desperate to just.. forget.

He didn't bother looking good, just in some sweats and a hoodie and some converses, his hair was slightly greasy from the constant procrastination of whether he should wash it or not, but Nam-gyu really didn't care.

He didn't even wonder what did he do to deserve this, he wondered what did he not do. It's something that plagued his mind everyday, no matter where he was, he always seemed to remember the bodies of people falling everywhere.

A curse fell from his lips as he stumbled inside the bar, tucking his hair behind his ears as he sat into one of the stools, head down and ordering a bottle of wine. The bartender seemed surprised, maybe they felt like they were mistaken when Nam-gyu asked the the literal bottle, but didn't question further when Nam-gyu slammed the bills onto the counter, probably having a bit more than needed but he couldn't care less, nor the bartender.

He was never a wine guy, he found it a little too bitter for his liking but today he was drinking it like he needed it to survive. It was barely past half an hour when Nam-gyu was on his fifth glass and halfway down the bottle.

He hiccuped, face flushed red as he looked at his phone, contacts empty, everything was empty. For a moment, Nam-gyu missed the constant threat he got from the people he owed before those damn games.

His vision was turve, stomach rumbling but he kept on pouring himself wine until he reached the very last drop of the bottle. The wine was coating his taste buds, as disgusting as it felt.. it felt comforting.

Although it felt good, the effects of drinking so much in an empty stomach began getting to him, he grabbed his phone and stood up straight out of the stool he was sitting in. Swearing he could hear a very familiar 'Nam-su!' Cheerily ring in his ears, that place was coming to haunt him again, wasn't it? The thought made his stomach churn, it was completely unlikely he and Thanos would ever meet again.

There were many things Nam-gyu wished he could tell Thanos, but he never did. It was foolish to fall for someone inside a death game, even if they'd both known each other, albeit barely, before.

He decided to solely focus in the feeling of something strong and burning coming up his throat, his eyes slightly stinging as he rushed out of the bar. He could still hear his name wrongly said by Thanos, it never felt so vivid before and Nam-gyu hated it.

His mind was spinning, but at least he had the decency to not puke inside a toilet.

Turning around the very corner of the bar where the parking lot was, Nam-gyu didn't hesitate to double over, hand leaving his mouth and instead squeezing his stomach as he threw up everything he drank, vision hazy as he saw the purple liquid fall.

Everything burnt, it was hard to breathe, his eyes were stinging and he slid down to his knees.

His mind was messy, scattered and trying to pick up pieces of whatever was going on, he knew he was puking, just wasn't sure how his surroundings were.

Not having much time to think again, another wave of nausea hit him and everything was coming out, but this time, he felt hands rub against his back.

Warm, gentle hands holding his hair back a little even if it was pretty short, just so it wouldn't fall in his face.

And amidst all of that fog, Nam-gyu could make out a familiar voice. Slightly unfamiliar too from how.. soft it was.

"Hold on, my boy. Let it all out." Nam-gyu could hear the person say.. was it Thanos?

He panted once he finally was done, turve vision finally falling back into place as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "There you go, good job, boy. I knew you had it in you."

Nam-gyu lifted his head, slightly shaky, and he was met with Thanos' face. Thanos was here, the unlikely probability of ever meeting him again was now.. becoming just a simple what if in his mind. His mouth opened to let put anything but he just let out a choked sound.

Maybe it was how his stomach was so empty, but Nam-gyu felt weak. Black spots filling his vision as Thanos' face became nothing but a blur, the feeling of him shaking his body lulling him into unconsciousness. Maybe this was his karma for killing people, surviving and living off of money that was someone's life. Maybe he'd finally die a slow, miserable death like he knew he deserved.

But the universe was insisting in not letting him die, Nam-gyu knew that it was the second he peered his eyes open with a bursting headache. A hand fell on top of his head as he propped himself up on his elbows.

He wasn't in his house, that's the first thing he noticed. The bedroom was a little too full of vinyl disks and discographies for it to be his house. To be quite fair, Nam-gyu was so out of energy lately that he didn't bother getting anything other than the basics. A bedframe, mattress, kitchen utensils and self hygiene products.

"Nam-su, my boy! You're finally awake!" Thanos chirped as he walked into the room with his sleeves pulled up, so it wasn't a dream after all.

Nam-gyu nodded, and Thanos furrowed his brow. Nam-gyu was off, and thinner than he was in the games. It worried him- Nam-gyu left with a billion won, like him. So why?

"I ran you a bath, you look like you need one, no offense." Thanos began with, shoving a towel towards Nam-gyu's way. "I didn't know where you lived, so you'll just have to stay here." He shrugged, and without letting Nam-gyu speak, he left the room.

He didn't have a choice, did he? Well.. he could just lock the door and stay in here, but Thanos probably had spare keys, who knew?

Nam-gyu stood up shakily, feeling his body shiver but he was also burning up. His stomach was weak but the thought of eating made it churn further.

Opening the bathroom door, Nam-gyu was met with the bathtub filled with water that looked a little steamy, maybe it would do some good to the cold Nam-gyu felt.

His clothes felt sticky as he began stripping them off, he closed snd locked the door, feeling colder snd colder at the thought of having to get naked.

In the end, he was just in his boxers and binder as he stared at himself in the mirror.

Pathetic, he looked pathetic and wrecked. His eyes were bloodshot, deep eye bags under his eyes, he looked a tad paler than usual and maybe a but more skinny.

Nam-gyu always hated how his body looked, but today it was worse. Having to face the consequences of what he was doing to himself.

Everything felt like he was being punished by the universe, from his self hatred, to his guilt, to.. just existing.

He curled his hands into fists, controlling himself to not smash the mirror in front of him. Nam-gyu would rather stare directly at the sun than the mirror.

A sob came out of him without permission, and that's when Nam-gyu knew there would be no thrning back. Tear after tear, everything began leaving his chest since he left. He was crumbling apart, falling on his ass and wincing as he hit his back against the toilet. His chest heaved, and suddenly he became aware of how much his ribs hurt, hell, they were probably full of bruises that Nam-gyu would just hate even more despite not being able to stop.

He curled his knees close to his chest, sniffling and feeling sobs mixed with hiccups leave his lips, as much as he wanted to- he couldn't keep quiet. His anxiety ring couldn't cease down the feeling of a huge lump in his throat, nothing could stop the ugly crying.

A knock from the other side came to reach his ears, but Nam-gyu didn't bother to reply. He was gross, everything hurt, and existing felt like a burden. He just wanted it all to stop.

"Nam-su? You alright in there?" Thanos asked, pressing his ear to the door. He could hear a thudding sound and a wince. At first, he just came by to give Nam-gyu a fresh pair of clothes, but the sounds coming from the bathroom weirded him out a bit. "I'm coming in, okay?" Thanos said as he tried to open the door, but instead of the door knob twisting open, it twisted until barely halfway and din't open. The door was fucking locked.

"Shit.. Nam-su, what are you doing in there?" Thanos called out a little bit louder, cursing under his breath as he didn't hear a reply, just the sound of hiccups and sobs.

Pulling away from the door, his feet heavily padded against the floor as he rushed through the hallway towards his bedroom. Door flying open as he began to search inside one of his drawers frantically, finding the keys and immediately yanking them out without bothering to close the drawer.

As quickly as he could, he ran back inside the room and began fumbling with the keys to open the door. Thanos was unsure why he was so frantic and maybe slightly anxious as he tried to reach Nam-gyu, he always thought this weird feeling whenever they played together in games were just due to being high.. he couldn't have feelings for Nam-gyu, could he?

Shaking those thoughts off, Thanos yanked the door open. Finding Nam-gyu sitting on the floor, half naked and basically drowning in tears.

Thanos froze, he wasn't sure how to approach this situation.. well, he never was the best with comforting or dealing with being comforted, but everything had its first time, right?

Carefully and tentatively, Thanos kneeled down in front of Nam-gyu. It was weird to see him like this, and the sight made something tug at his heartstrings. "Nam-gyu?" He called out. "Hey, boy, you okay?" That was a stupid question, damn it! Why Thanos couldn't just.. be good with his words?

But then again, he was always best at showing his feelings through actions than words.

Carefully, he wrapped his arms around Nam-gyu's torso, feeling him flinch and slightly tense up at the touch, and Thanos stayed put, barely even breathing.

And then, Nam-gyu melted against the hug. Clinging to Thanos as if he was the only thing grounding him into reality, face buried into his shoulder as he cried like a lost little kid. Thanos' hands ran through his hair, rubbing circles on his back as he felt his shirt get basically soaked.

"I can't do this anymore- I can't— I- it's.. this money.. it's all someone's life- I killed people in there, I—" Nam-gyu choked out, and Thanos shushed him gently, pulling back just slightly to look at Nam-gyu in the eyes. "Whether or not you did, there's nothing we can do about it. That place does things to people, Nam-gyu. Even if this money is dirty, you can't let it drag you down. Especially when you fought so hard to survive." Thanos said with a small frown in his lips, and Nam-gyu nodded. Even if he didn't believe it much, he nodded along.

His breath was heavy as he sniffled, sobs subsiding within a few minutes that none of them bothered to really count. "You should.. get this off, it looks like it's constricting your chest." Thanos said as he jerked his chin towards the binder Nam-gyu was wearing.

Now that he mentioned it, Nam-gyu noticed that Thanos didn't care about the binder or him being transgender in the slightest, or he simply didn't know.

"I'll leave and you can shower, I left some clothes for you in the bed." Thanos said as he sighed, standing up and pulling Nam-gyu along. Catching the faintest glimpse of bruises underneath the binder due to the flexing skin. "The shirt's big enough, don't wear this crap. Plus, it's slightly sweaty." Thanos said with a grimace more due to trying to give the conversation some sort of happy mood than disgust.

The second Thanos left, Nam-gyu let out a heavy sigh. Closing the door and stripping off his binder and boxers. His body still shivered, maybe he was sick? It would make sense, having eaten nothing but ice in the energy drinks he bought. It was a surprise Nam-gyu hadn't passed out in the middle of the street before.. but maybe not eating was just discounting its signs on how badly his hair was falling and how he was growing weaker.

The warmth of the water engulfing his body made him feel weirdly good— dipping his head underneath the water for a bit, Nam-gyu came back up swearing he could sleep in the bathtub.

But he didn't, Thanos would probably just pull him out and he didn't feel like being seen naked by him.

So, instead, after washing himself properly, Nam-gyu unplugged the drain of the tub and got out, changing into the clothes Thanos separated surprisingly neatly in the bed. And he was right, the shirt was indeed big enough, but then again Nam-gyu's chest wasn't that big.. he just was a tad paranoid about it.

He left his clothes in the corner of the room, getting out and looking to either sides of the hallway that the bedroom led to. Thanos left him alone without giving Nam-gyu directions.. tch, asshole.

Nam-gyu decided it'd be best to follow the humming sounds that Thanos was producing, as much as he hated to admit it, it was surprisingly calming.

He carefully and quietly stepped down the steps, following that same humming sound until he reached the kitchen, and Thanos was.. cooking?

He could see mashed potatoes set inside a small bowl in the counter, and the familiar smell of chicken reached his nose. He stood staring for a bit, until Thanos turned around and gave him a big smile, and Nam-gyu's stomach churned again.. but not out of disgust. Rather, something he refused to acknowledge.

"Hey! Nam-su! Come sit down!" Thanos called out, and now Nam-gyu was sure he got his name messed up on purpose.. moments ago was calling him seriously by his name correctly.

But despite that, he sat down on the stool nearby the counter. Raising his brow at the bowl shoved in front of him, mashed potatoes, veggies, and.. chicken.

"Eat, you must be hungry." Thanos said with a proud smile, and Nam-gyu just stared at the food. All of a sudden remembering everyone who died, the people he killed and... "Nam-su?" Thanos called out, and Nam-gyu came back to reality. "Sorry, not hungry."

Thanos gave him a frown, furrowing his brows and crossing his arms. "Bullshit, your stomach was rumbling when I brought you here. And you.. threw up pure wine, you haven't been eating, have you?" How the hell did Thanos get the story straight? Nam-gyu would never know. But he froze, just staring at Thanos with wife eyes. Then, Thanos sat down by his side. Grabbing the bowl, a spoon and chopsticks, and then finally, looking at Nam-gyu tentatively. "Just a bit, you don't have to eat everything." Thanos suggested with a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

"Come on, my boy. Just a bit!" Thanos said with a huff. And then he seemed to have an idea, filling the spoon with mashed potatoes and bringing it in front of Nam-gyu's face.

Nam-gyu didn't seem to quite like the idea, face heating up when Thanos practically shoved the spoon in his face. But Thanos probably wouldn't let it go regardless of anything, so he just sighed snd opened his mouth.

The taste of mashed potatoes filled his mouth and Nam-gyu swore he could feel his tastebuds burst with the flavor, so different from bland ice and drinks. He was surprised about how he didn't feel like throwing it all up, maybe it was because the food was really light, Thanos really could be thoughtful when he wanted to.

They repeated the same process until halfway through the food, and then Nam-gyu shook his head, not being able to really take any more bites. Sitting in silence with Thanos was always comfortable, but this time it felt different.

"I wish they dropped me off with you, y'know." Thanos said with a heavy sigh, leaning both arms on his thighs. Nam-gyu's eyebrows shot up at that, how come? He would have wanted to ask, but preferred to stay quiet. "I would have made sure you were okay, and have eaten sooner. I don't think you've been.. eating well lately, you're thinner than you were back in the game and we were fed small ass portions of food." Thanos then looked at Nam-gyu in the eyes, and in the moment, Nam-gyu felt his breath being sucked away.

Thanos' eyes, normally blown from drugs and normally wild, were weirdly soft. For a moment, the room fell into a comfortable silence, just the two of them staring at each other, as if spiritually asking each other for things none of them could vocally express.

And then, Thanos was moving closer in front of him, giving him one last glamce before their lips met in a passionate and yet desperate kiss. It was as if both of them were longing for that for a long time.

Once they pulled apart, Nam-gyu met Thanos' eyes again and he swore the weight of the world was in them, and then all of a sudden Nam-gyu found out why his stomach churned at the sight of Thanos.

Tugging at Thanos' shirt, their lips met again, and again, and again. Every time they pulled back, not seeming to get enoigh of the feeling, their lips always found its way back to each other.

Thanos had his hands settled on Nam-gyu's waist, Nam-gyu had his hands tangled in Thanos' hair as they both moved to the couch.

And then, their lips parted one last time. Nam-gyu was practically draped all over Thanos, head on his chest and Thanos' chin rested atop his head. Silence reigned over them, until Nam-gyu broke it, only for a split second. "Can you.. hum that song again?" He asked, closing his eyes. He didn't get a yes or a no, instead, he got a humming. Maybe it was from how peaceful Nam-gyu felt, but falling asleep was easier this time ever since he left the games.

Maybe all he needed was someone who would get it, someone who would be just a little patient and help him come forward rather than staying stuck in the past.

[chronicbitchsyndrome]

what was the Happening?

devon price did a twitter thread about how ~a study showed~ that allistic people are more, not less, likely to respond to autistic behaviors with kindness, sympathy, and social inclusion, if they're informed the person displaying them is autistic

the way he interpreted this study was that allistics find autistic behavior subconsciously threatening, but once given an explanation for it, that perceived threat vanishes because it is now "explained"

my main problem: this study was conducted via self-reporting, in an isolated context where they showed participants photos of strangers and prompted them to make judgements about those strangers. there is a social stigma against openly admitting you find autistics untrustworthy, disturbing, or creepy, even among people who are extremely ableist--the violence is typically carried out in much subtler ways, and justified via much subtler and more specific pieces of evidence, i.e. "he's just too sexual all the time, his hair is always greasy, he's too loud," etc. this evidence is often directly related to someone being autistic, but this is usually not acknowledged even if pointed out directly.

this is intertwined with the second prong of my criticism, which is that most social violence against autistics takes place in long-term relationships, and is rooted in deeply engrained disdain & prejudice for autistic patterns of behavior that are only evident in a long-term context. again: he doesn't wash his hair, he's loud and starts speaking when other people are talking all the time, he keeps talking about sex even though no-one makes eye contact with him when he does that, ergo, he must be a sexual predator. a conclusion i have seen many, many a social scene come to about the openly-disclosed autistic people within it, followed by depersoning and ostracizing the autistics & often going so far as to use violent tactics (following them to "warn" potential new social contacts about them, contacting employers to get them fired and "warning" potential employers, utilizing callout posts and pedojacketing, etc).

at best, the study could be used as evidence that "strangers who make snap judgements about autistic people can be convinced to back down from those judgements by diagnosis disclosure." however, he was using this as a piece of evidence to directly encourage people to unmask, because the worries about facing social violence for unmasking are apparently ~overblown~, which is why this particular thread stuck in my craw so much--you are massively misinterpreting a piece of data in a way that endangers people who don't understand what's going on under the surface, buddy. which a lot of autistic people don't because we are, famously, often not very good at reading between the lines of social interactions.

i know about this thread because i stumbled across it organically while browsing twitter a few weeks back and it really grated on me, i don't think it went Viral or anything, so i'm actually having trouble locating it again lol

[random-things-of-mine]

𝘎𝘪𝘧𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶

Butcher Wally x GN Reader

- - - - -

"I want to say this in the nicest way possible but there is only so much that can be said to sugarcoat it."

"And what is it my sweet friend~"

Butcher was hovering over them with one of his weird smiles, there was blood dripping off his gloves creating stains on Y/n's clothes.

They where inside the butcher shop, the human had decided to pay the menacing puppet a visit.

Considering they where his friend... his only friend. 

The only one unafraid to be in his presence.

They knew he cared to much about them to lose them, so they often could get away with saying anything. Even things that would normally provoke or trigger him.

"You smell rancid. Like a rat that just crawled out of the sewers."

"Why you little sh-"

Was it smart to start drama with the most feared person in the town? Absolutely not. 

But it was also your entertainment.

They swatted his hand away, groaning in annoyance as they saw the red spots on their now ruined shirt.

"I'm expecting you to pay up for this."

"Don't you think I deserve a apology first for that rude remark you made just now."

His former friendly facade had quickly turned sour. He let out a dark chuckle as he leaned closer, with each ince he got closer, the worse the stench was that came from him.

Working with corpses and carcasses of dead animals was not doing him any favors. 

A few days later Y/n returned to the butcher shop holding out a package for Butcher.

"I got you a gift."

"Aww sweet friend you shouldn't have." He grins.

He opens the package his smile quickly disappearing as he sees his 'gift'. It's a basket with hygiëne products like shampoo, body lotion, toothpaste etc.

He looks at them, confused, even upset. "Why would you need to buy me this? I don't need any of that nonsense, I'm perfectly fine how I am~" He was genuinely offended they thought he needed any of this.

It's a unnecessary gesture to him, clearly not aware he's smelling like a putrid garbage can that's been sitting out in the sun for two weeks.

"You need a clean up, you smell foul. When was the last time you brushed your teeth or washed your hair?" They reply, knowing they probably wouldn't like the anwser.

...

....

.....

Butcher looks at Y/n with a pout, then sighs and nods.

"Okay, I suppose you're right...I can't keep looking like this for much longer. I smell like a decaying animal and look like one. And the last time I brushed my teeth was...god I can't even remember that's how bad it is." 

"That's just pathetic and we need to fix that asap."

You would force him to clean up whether he liked it or not.

"Now go inside. I'm not letting you leave this room till you've taken a shower or bath."

Once he's done he opens the door for them, dressed in a fluffy bathrobe they once bought him as a present.

They order him to sit him on the edge of the bathtub so they have easier acces to his hair, starting to combing out the knots. It's easier now due to his hair being washed.

They were just happy he looked fresh and clean for once.

Butcher chuckles as they brush his hair. He grins up at them, he seems genuinely happy. That being said, he still smells a bit like meat and blood, he's definitely not clean enough to be in public yet. 

But he's just clean enough to be in a room with Y/n without them wanting to gouge their eyes out. Once they are done his newly clean hair looks amazing compared to his greasy and dirty hair beforehand. 

"And now you are gonna brush your teeth." They remind him.

"Fine, fine~ I've got no choice, I suppose my friend is the boss here."

Butcher laughs in a way that gives the vibe he isn't mentally doing okay. Y/n watches over, making sure their deranged man-child friend was actually brushing his teeth and not faking it.

You would probably have to take him to a dentist sooner or later. 

- - - - -

[la-galaxie-langblr]

I was tagged by @melaschnie to talk about what I do on bad mental health days!! This is still v much a work in progress but I'm slowly getting better at making good choices :) this will be based on what happens on bad mental health days when I'm at uni since I have a lot more control over my surroundings and schedule then

If it's a weekday, I force myself to go into class unless I'm in a "one minor inconvenience away from sobbing/a panic attack and going to speaking class/[insert highly interactive class here] will likely cause that" kind of mood - it helps me not fall behind academically, I get some fresh air and movement from walking to uni and also a little bit of socialising even if it's just smiling and nodding at my classmates

Once class is done/on a weekend when I have free time ahead of me, if I'm still feeling rough I allow myself some wallowing time, this will usually involve listening to music and/or letting myself watch my favourite comfort content. I'll try to limit this to 1.5 hours on a weekday and 2 hours on a weekend, there's still usually stuff to be done after all

Sensory needs: I'm quite sensitive to sensory inputs at the best of times, so a mental health day will usually involve me assessing what feels physically wrong around me and fixing it, such as washing my hair to get rid of the greasy texture, wearing my seamless leggings and my softest hoodie, and carrying my fluffy blanket or a plushie around the house for an additional comforting texture

I do the bare minimum of my to do list - no matter how I feel I still need to eat, clean and do homework to avoid making things worse for Future Me, so I keep a few low-effort yet healthy meal options in the freezer for really bad days, use as few dishes as possible to minimise cleanup and do my immediately important academic tasks and no more

I force myself to spend a little bit of time with other people - we usually have friends round most nights of the week, which I'm normally not up for on a bad day. My friends are very used to me having off days at this point and are fine w me texting them "hi I know you're coming round tonight, I'll probably pop down to acknowledge your presence/be in the same room for a while but I won't say much if anything" and I'm so thankful. If it's a night where only my housemates are home, we all have pretty similar mental health struggles and are fine to sit in the living room doing our own thing and not talking much if it all, but being in the presence of each other is comforting. If it is a night where we feel up to chatting then all the better, we have a good mix of personalities so we make each other laugh a lot, which is great for the brain!!

Tagging @cris080799, @kirbymybeloved and @dasistnichtsehrpunkrockvondir if yous want, no pressure though!!

[creative-heart]

"My thoughts will echo your name"| Esteban Kukuriczka

Chapter four: "No one has to know what we do."

Lucia’s notes: First off, I’m so sorry about last chapter, might have been a bit of a downer, but I trust me, it’s gonna get better soon. We’re back to the usual POV now. BTW the playlist “my hot girl revenge era” really exists on Spotify and it’s amazing.

+18 ONLY: If you’re no interested in reading the smutty part, please stop reading at “Whatever you say babygirl”; you can go back to reading at the next cut.

Playlist: 

Bejeweled- Taylor Swift

Wildest dreams- Taylor Swift

Could you love me when I hate myself- Lily McAlpine

Love in the dark- Adele

August- Taylor Swift

Starving- Hailee Steinfeld.

Ready for it- Taylor Swift

Content Warnings: Some not too heavy smut, mainly a makeout session; Social Drinking; mention to smoking.

Word Count: 2.4k

Five days, five whole days had gone by since that night when Y/N had told Lucas to leave the apartment, not one single text or call to check how she was doing, much less him coming home and as much as the hazel eyed woman wanted to pretend like it didn’t hurt her, truth is she had been laying on the couch in her pj’s without moving, just watching Grey’s Anatomy for the fifth time. Y/N was curled up on the couch one evening when she heard the front door but she stayed in the way she was, not enough energy to move to see who it was, coming into her place. “Oh. My. God, babe….nuh, hell no, you need to get your shit together” she heard the voice of her best friend Gabriel coming in from the living room’s threshold as the tall guy made his way to her pulling the blanket off of her and turning the tv off she whined.

“Gabi, nooo. let me, I’m in the best part” Y/N protested pointing at the tv without looking at the arched brow on the black haired guy.

“You know Grey’s by heart, don’t know what this fucker did now, but I’m taking you out, you haven’t answered to my calls or texts in days, come on” as she reluctantly let her friend pick her up from the couch and walk her to the bathroom “also, you smell, and your hair is so greasy I can fry an egg on your head, you’re not this, come on, you take an all in all shower and I’ll make you something to eat, we’re going out tonight bitch” he smiled turning around and going straight to the kitchen after leaving Y/N to stare at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. As she took her image in, she rubbed her face and stepped into the shower letting the steaming water run through her body washing that week off her body, mind and soul; maybe Gabriel was right and going out would be good to her, after all, it was clear that Lucas wasn’t thinking about her, so why should she be sulking over that wanker.

Forty minutes later, she finished blowdrying and styling her hair, her staple beach waves adorning her strawberry blonde locks, she took her makeup bag out and looked at her friend who came into the room with a sandwich just as she said “Alexa, play my hot girl revenge era playlist” as …Ready for it? by Taylor Swift started playing through the speaker Gabriel handed her the plate. “This is my bad bitch bestie!” he smiled turning around to look at the outfit laid out on the bed “damn, red lace top, leather pants and jacket, you going out to eat! I love” Y/N chuckled as she ate her sandwich while doing her makeup. Once they were ready they ordered an Uber and headed out.

“Ok, so…you know how I am obsessed with Andy from La sociedad de la nieve? well, I saw he will be at this club tonight, so, that’s where we’re going, I ain’t asking, just letting ya know mkay?” Y/N chuckled softly nodding knowing that if Andy was there, there was a chance that Esteban would be and she bit the inside of her lip, because why did the thought of kuku being there made her insides flutter and the heat rise in her whole body, she hadn’t told Gabriel about the whole Esteban thing tho, and she decided to keep it that way.

“I’m gonna get so drunk tonight” Y/N chuckled as they got out of the uber before making their way inside with the passes Gabriel had secured for them. As soon as the blonde set foot in the club, she headed to the bar to get herself a drink needing to keep her mind quiet only knowing that way to do it. Y/N rested against the bar looking out into the dancefloor as she downed her mojito, searching for her first victim, determined as she was to two things, get herself drunk, and secure a hot man to make her forget about the fact that the man she had loved for 5 years had all but forgotten about her in the last week. She knew she was the one who had told him to leave, but Y/N never thought he wouldn’t come back after that night, they might be in a horrible spot, but Lucas was still her boyfriend, and in some way she still loved him, or maybe it was just the comfort of knowing what it was like.

As soon as Esteban walked into the club with the guys later that night, he could see Y/N. She was up on a table dancing and immediately a mixture of feelings cursed through his blood. A perfect combination of lust, desire, rage at seeing how the other men around her gawked and touched her legs and protectiveness over the fact that she was clearly intoxicated, the cigarette hanging from her lips quite a sexy sight as she moved to the beat of the music. Without even hesitating about it, he made his way across the dancefloor swiftly, he didn’t give a flying fuck anymore about Lucas, if he wasn’t going to take care of her, he would. When he got up to the table where Y/N was he pushed the men aside and looked at her “Y/N can you please get down from that table?” he held his hand out for her. When Y/N heard that voice over the music she knew exactly who it belonged to, only Esteban’s voice could send a jolt of electricity down her spine straight to her center and she turned around to face him shaking her head moving down just so she was at his level.

“Now…why would I handsome? can’t you see how many gentleman are offering to get me drinks?” she smirked whispering in his ear biting her lower lip as she moved in front of her face stopping just mere inches away from his, staring down into his eyes and kuku swore she could see right into his soul, those Hazel orbs were so deep and entrancing. Before she could get away he picked Y/N up in his arms, his hands resting on the back of her thighs just below her ass cheeks and put her down from the table walking away. “Esteban put me down” the girl said in a tone she hoped to be firm and demanding but that much against her will came out breathy and whiny. Once they were far enough from that table and closer to the rest of the guys the brown eye guy let her down purposefully running his hands up Y/N’s sides which caused a new wave of electricty and goosebumps to course through the younger one’s body.

“Whatever you say babygirl” Esteban said looking straight into Y/N’s eyes his hands resting on the girl’s exposed waist. Her skin is as soft and warm as he had dreamt it would be. His eyes switching between the blonde girl’s eyes and lips as she spoke, not that he could hear what she was really saying all he was really thinking about was how much he wanted to kiss her right now, press her against his body and finally taste her lips. As Y/N kept complaining about what a killjoy he had been for taking her down from the table she found herself quite intoxicated, not only by the booze running thought her bloodstream but also by the taller guy’s perfume flooding her senses, she couldn’t think straight, his hands were still on her waist, her boobs pressed to his chest and she could see how dark his eyes were while looking at her.

Y/N didn’t know if it was the alcohol or the fact that she couldn’t deny anymore how hot Kuku was but she grabbed his shirt in her fists to pull him down to her crushing her lips to his, her eyes fluttered closed and she felt the sigh escape from the eldest lips and she took the chance to deepen the kiss as they started fighting for dominance in the kiss. Esteban’s hands slowly moved around exploring Y/N’s body at the same time as he pulled her closer to him if that was even a possibility, the soft moans escaping the girl’s lips taking his chance to tug on her lip as he pushed her up against a nearby wall her hands wrapping around his neck holding him closer to her as his lips trailed down her jaw to her neck slowly kissing all over, each touch setting a fire on her skin that lingered after he had moved on to the next. When kuku placed a kiss onto the spot right under Y/N’s ear she moaned into his ear closing her eyes as she could feel the smirk on his face right before he bit down on it gently.

Before Y/N could even stop herself she pressed her center to his, eager to feel as much of him as she could without taking their clothes off, but as soon as kuku felt her doing that his hands went back to her hips and he pulled himself apart a bit biting his lip, their breathing heavy and irregular with desire and need. He looked at the girl and leaned in whispering in her ear “as much as this is turning me on, and no matter how much I wanna take you home and fuck you right now, you’re one, quite drunk, and two, still my friend’s girlfriend as far as I know, and no matter how much of a douchebag he may be, I won’t do that” kuku rested his forehead against hers closing his eyes and while Y/N wanted to hit him for cutting of the moment like that, the fact that he was so respectful made whatever she was feeling inside her at the moment for him, grow stronger and she nodded looking at every single one of his freckles.

When Esteban pulled up outside of Y/N’s place he turned around to find her looking at him “wanna come in for a cup of coffee?” she smiled softly, her eyes still slanted from the alcohol pumping through her “I swear I won’t try to jump your bones…not that I don’t want to” she whispered the last part hopefully quiet enough to not be heard by the elder guy, but judging by his smirk, she hadn’t been successful “I just wanna thank you for bringing me home, plus I think you could use the caffeine”.

The brunette nodded getting out of the car with her and locking it before walking into her place as he looked around “so…Lucas isn’t here?” As soon as she had stepped foot into her home Y/N remembered the state of the place and hurriedly picked up around so that it wouldn’t look too messy shaking her head “no….truth is….he hasn’t been here for the past 5 days” she bit her lip hard as admitting it outloud made it all the more real. Once she had thrown everything out of sight she went to start the coffee pot and rested against the countertop looking at kuku, was that a slight smile she saw on his face?

“Have you two…broken up then?” He knew he shouldn’t be this happy over this possibility, a break up is always shitty but he couldn’t help but feel at least hopeful over the chance of things working out for him. He sat down on the kitchen island in front of Y/N.

“Well…not in so many words no, I mean, not officially, but we did have an argument, five days ago, I told him I didn’t wanna see his face around here that night and he left, hasn’t come back, texted or called since then.” She whispered the last part wrapping her arms around her own body and looked down to the floor to try and blink away those stupid tears that shouldn’t even be there in the first place. Kuku frowned seeing her upset and reached out pulling her to him gently making room for her to stand between his knees and hugged her tight kissing her head.

“Honestly….if he doesn’t see the kind of woman he has standing next to him he’s even dumber than I thought, it’s his loss, truly, if I were lucky enough to be in his place…” he mumbled cutting himself short when he realized what he was about to say when he saw Y/N look up at him with glossy eyes. He sighed  gently wiping her tears from her cheeks and took a deep breath before picking up where he left off, there was no use on denying what he felt now, even more so after seeing her cry, he only wanted to protect her and take care of her “If I were lucky enough to be in his place. I’d make sure to show you how important you are to me, I would do anything and everything in my power to help you achieve your dreams, you’re a wonderful person, gorgeous inside an out from what I’ve gotten to know you, and you deserve to have as your partner someone who sees how special you are and helps you shine on your own, who builds your light up, not someone who tries to dim you down.” Y/N kept looking at Esteban, not only could she look at him all night because he was the most gorgeous man she had ever seen, but hearing him say that, not only made her insides burn with desire, it made her heart swell with love.

That night, standing on that kitchen floor between Esteban’s knees, she understood two things, not only she didn’t love Lucas anymore and was determined to officially break things off with him as soon as possible, but she was also falling in love with the man in front of her, she was falling fast, she was falling hard, and she was falling deep in love with him and this was either gonna be the love story she was gonna tell her kids, or the break up that was gonna ruin her life. But either way, she was ready to find out.

Lucia’s notes: I told you all it was gonna get better didn’t I? and you haven’t seen the half of it! If you wanna be tagged in coming posts, please coment below. Also, no comments or likes needed but they are much appreciated. I love hearing what you think!

Credit to @cafekitsune for the MDNI divider and the section divider, they're amazing!!! go follow her if you wanna find amazing resources!

Taglist: @madame-fear  @cyliarys-starlight @castawaycherry @luceracastro @espinasrubi @lastflowrr @koiibiito @candycanes19 @nperoconelcositoarriba @lxdyred @deepinsideyourbeing

[that-one-dark-smiley]

I'm officially one month on T!!

I wanted to make a post to document every month what changed and stuff, so here it is!

First of all, my skin and hair got more oily like... A few days in already. By now it's got to the point where I have to wash my hair every two days because it's so greasy. I don't really have a problem with acne, I have a few more blackheads and pimples, noticeably more, but nothing crazy. I hope it stays that way.

I grew more hair on... My knees?? Of all places. Also my arm hair is starting to grow up to my hands, but it's not too noticeable yet. Everywhere else, I couldn't see a difference, but I was already very, very hairy before.

I have noticed I get warm more often now, and my hands are warmer than before.

My voice hasn't dropped yet, but that was to he expected. It's the first month. I have noticed pretty early on (like a week in) that my throat was feeling weird and it's becoming a bit more difficult to speak from my head. When I swallow, it's been feeling as if there is something in my throat, but just a little bit. In the morning, my voice sounds a bit strained and deeper. When I look at voice tools (the app I use to monitor my voice), my voice has gone from around 230Hz to around 190Hz.

Emotionally, I noticed that I have a little bit less patience. When I get angry, it's harder to ignore and just swallow my anger. But generally, I have actually become calmer. I don't know if it's the Testosterone or my general mental health, but I am less anxious and more confident. I feel less scared of... Everything. Things seem way more doable now and I feel better generally.

Now below I will talk in detail about changes to my period, and a little bit about NSFW stuff, so if you don't wanna read it, you don't have to.

My period has not gone away yet, but it has changed. The biggest and best change was that I wasn't in pain ONCE. No cramps!!! That was pretty great.

Buuuuut my period became like... Three times as long. If you count days where I wasn't actually bleeding yet but already spotting a bit, it took like ten days. Usually it takes three to four days.

I wasn't bleeding as heavily anymore, but still... More, if that makes sense? I didn't have to change pads every four hours, only every six to eight hours, but I was bleeding for longer at a time.

My period also started four days earlier than usual. It started with some weird yellow discharge which I first thought my have been an infection, but then the spotting started and I decided to wait. That being said, if you experience yellow discharge, make sure you see a doctor if it doesn't stop after a few days. It could very well be an infection. Being on T makes you more susceptible to having infections down there. It's not a huge risk, but still, watch out for that.

I also experienced less emotional changes on my period this time. Usually I get more anxious and depressed during my period, but I barely noticed it now.

Now, some NSFW stuff: Yes, my libido rose a bit, but not too much. It is noticeable though.

I didn't really experience bottom growth yet, which makes me a bit nervous, because everywhere I read about other people on T experiencing it very early, first week, second week, some even the very first day. Barely anything happened in my case so far.

That's it, I think!

[whotookmysenbon]

So if I, hypothetically, had thin, straight hair and lived in Konoha… how would I take care of it? :3

Don’t “:3” me, Anon. You know exactly what you’re doing.

… Fine.

First is products and materials. I use two different brushes, a handful of wash products and post wash products, a head shield, static control, and a flat iron.

Going down the list, I have a wet brush specifically for detangling. This is used only in the shower and with conditioner to minimize damage, not that my hair knots easily. The brush that sees the most use is a dense sable brush. This will NOT detangle your hair, and you use it by going layer by layer and working the oils from your scalp to the tips of your hair. This keeps it much healthier, prevents buildup on the scalp and the greasy look of unwashed hair. If you’re like me and keep your head covered most of the day, ESPECIALLY use one of these.

Next is washing. Shower and lightly condition every day. Use the wet brush too, then. Only use shampoo at MOST every other day. MOST, ok? And make sure it’s a silicone free shampoo. Personally, I prefer an unscented one that’s meant for kids because those are usually gentler on your hair than most cheap shampoos that strip all the oil from your hair and leave you with a dry, itchy scalp and frizzy split ends.

On wash days, I scrub ONLY my scalp. No shampoo on the ends of your hair. Rinse it thoroughly and let the soapy water run through it rather than putting the soap directly on the ends. Then go in with your conditioner. Step out from under the spray and condition the ends, working it up through your hair methodically. Brush through it with the wetbrush until there’s no catch. Continue brushing as you rinse. Don’t put the conditioner directly on the scalp either. It goes on the tips and it worked up and through the hair. Remember to get the hair in front of your ears and your bangs too. Again, avoid silicone and sulphate products for your conditioner. It causes buildup and prevents the natural oils from sticking to the hair, weakening it and causing breakage.

On deep conditioning days I have an extra step after this I do about once a week when I do a hair mask. I work the mask through my hair and go through my skincare routine. If it’s during the summer, this is also when I apply my toner to make sure my hair doesn’t sunbleach too red.

You’re technically supposed to rinse your conditioner and mask with cold water, but I hate cold showers in general outside of the ANBU showers so I use hot anyways.

Rinse out the mask, apply your leave in conditioner, then blowdry with cold air until dry. Do not put heat anywhere near your hair until you have a heat protectant in it. I set the flat iron to warm while I do this.

My hair is straight to begin with but I have a bit of a cowlick so I like to iron the ends and my bangs just to make sure everything is laying how I like it. Then the bandana goes on and that’s it.

It sounds like it takes forever but my showers are rarely longer than five minutes on a normal day. On deep conditioning days, if I’m feeling extra generous with my hot water, 20ish. My whole morning routine isn’t much longer than an hour, max, but I can cut it down if I’m running late or want to sleep in a bit longer. The process is familiar though and comforting.

[missjanjie]

15 with Anarcia!! 😙😙😙

it felt good to write something actually, a little weird in a way, but good!

15. "Stop filming me doing things!"

-

Normally, Marcia didn’t mind being filmed. She was an actress – albeit stage rather than screen – she was used to being watched. And she always loved having her girlfriend’s attention on her. This time just seemed to be… different. It had started about a week ago, when they started to prepare for her birthday vacation in the Bahamas. 

Admittedly, a week ago was only when Marcia started to notice. For all she knew, it could’ve been going on longer. But Anetra had never been one to film day-to-day activities, being the type to ‘live in the moment’. So when she came to pick her up from her off-season job already recording, it took her girlfriend by surprise. 

“You making a movie or something?” Marcia joked as she sat in the passenger seat.

“Or something,” Anetra replied airily, setting her phone down to drive and not elaborating further. 

Then it was filming her as they went to get coffee, then grocery shopping. Anetra seemed to be collecting snippets of their daily life without explanation. It was when she started filming Marcia in her pajamas with messy hair, folding laundry, that she finally reacted.

“Stop filming me doing things!” Marcia laughed, throwing a pillow at her. “I didn’t wash my hair last night, I look gross.”

“You always look beautiful, baby,” she cooed, leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead. “Greasy hair and all.”

The morning of their departure to the airport, Marcia was going over the basic instructions for dog-sitting to Luxx. “I still haven’t figured out what the video thing is about. Maybe it’s a preamble to a sex tape, like with celebrities,” she mused.

Luxx stared at her for a moment, then let out a laugh. “Girl, are you stupid?” At the blank expression she received, she clarified, “she’s obviously gonna propose.”

Marcia furrowed her brows. She supposed it made sense, the signs were there, but everything except the filming could be explained away – Anetra already liked to go shopping with her, treat her to manicures, it was just her love language. “I mean… it’s possible, but I don’t wanna convince myself just in case it’s something else.” 

“Yeah, yeah. FaceTime me to show off the ring.”

Luxx’s words hadn’t left the forefront of her mind until they had checked into the hotel. She wasn’t going to let anticipation distract her from enjoying their vacation. And after an afternoon of lounging at the resort and enjoying the amenities, it was time to go out for dinner. 

“Here,” Anetra opened one of their suitcases and pulled out a baby blue cocktail dress. “I thought you might wanna dress up for a night out.”

Marcia’s suspicions came flooding back instantly, but she tried to play it cool. “It’s perfect, thank you, baby,” she cooed, pecking her lips before getting changed. 

The restaurant was outdoors on the beach. After a delicious meal and a few glasses of wine, Marcia had to actively keep herself from bubbling over with excitement at the potential proposal, but with every passing moment, her heart rate sped up bit by bit, and as Anetra walked her along the beach to a candlelit and rose petal covered display, she was ready to explode. 

“Marcia,” Anetra started as she got down on one knee, retrieving a box from her purse and opening it, displaying a ring. “Will you marry me?” 

“Yes!” She squealed with delight, letting her put the ring on before tackling her with hugs and kisses. 

Once the initial surprise and thrill had settled, Anetra got out her phone, this time recording with the front-facing camera with both of them in frame, proudly announcing, “she said yes!”

As Marcia would soon find out, Anetra had been filming her for a ‘countdown until I propose to my girlfriend’ video she uploaded to TikTok, and at Marcia’s suggestion, one to be incorporated into their reception when the time comes.

[llau-ren-ti-a]

Bad Batch Headcanons - Skin Conditions

I’ve had this on my mind for way too long now and I NEED to write it down.

For context: I think that their mutations and “enhancements” had some side effects and actually made them more sensitive or gave them some other issues, this is one of many. Maybe Regs have to deal with this too, but I’m running with the Bad Batch for now.

TW: skin conditions, acne, eczema, a little blood? self-harm and injury

Hunter

first of all - he has like the most sensitive skin ever

I’m talking unscented, only natural ingredients, ph-neutral, everything you can imagine

soap made from ash, lime and oil, like, really specific and gentle shit

but on the other hand worst mixed skin ever, goes from crazy oily to dryer than Tatooine at least once a week

he’s either looking like a glazed donut or a shedding lizard

he’d straight up put cooking oil on his face bc “oil is good for dry skin, right?

someone tell this man how to take care of himself istg

bandana hides his greasy roots

bandana may be tied in different styles to hide his dandruff

he‘s highkey insecure about it

he‘s shedding like a dog, his hair is everywhere

in the shower, on the bed sheets, in the food if he cooks

if he ever shaves, doesn’t matter where or how he’s getting the worst razor burn and ingrown hairs ever

he’s getting all the issues

also, a big candidate for body acne?

he gives me back acne vibes

doesn’t wash his bedsheets or towel nearly often enough

they actually all (accidentally?) share a towel and never wash it, I’m convinced

Tech

his skin is dry af like, eczema / neurodermitis / psoriasis dry

especially his hands and joints, like the inside of knees and elbows

and around his eyes, especially because of his goggles/glasses, but also in the corners

he researched everything but sometimes just can’t help it and almost scratches his skin off

Hunter makes him wear cotton gloves when he goes to bed

that’s why he never sleeps

Crosshair straight up ties his hands with bandages so he can’t scratch himself

also a very dry scalp / dandruff candidate

should spend all of his time moisturising

tinkering around the marauder and getting into contact with motor oils/hydraulic liquids/fuel only makes it so so so much worse

doesn't wear skin protection, especially not gloves because it 'inhabits his motor functions'

don't get me started on his nails and nailbeds, because I can see how inflamed and irritated the skin is

the skin also peels off

sweaty hands

has a lot of moles?

stresses about said moles

Wrecker

has the nicest skin ever

except for a big pore / blackhead here and there

usually around the nose or on his forehead

literally the guy who either doesn't use soap or uses the same bar of soap to wash everything

it works

healthy glow might be mistaken for oily skin but it's actually not

actually gets a sunburn often, especially on his head, but refuses to do anything about it

turns into a lobster on uv-light-intense missions

red skin, really tight and shiny

sometimes, if crosshair is feeling really mean he gives him a brotherly slap on the sunburnt shoulder

he gets mouth sores sometimes, like cold sores?

also very attractive to mosquitos? he sweats a lot

scratches his mosquito bites so there are little scars all over his body

really random but occasionally he gets like one big aggressive butt pimple and can't sit for a few days

is very vocal about said butt pimple

Crosshair

my beloved

he's also getting all the issues

had very bad acne as a cadet

especially around his chin and cheeks to the point he straight up refused to take off his helmet

now that he's done with puberty he has a bunch of acne scars left

still breaks out sometimes

very sensitive to water - he just washes his face like usual and suddenly breaks out because that particular planet's water is 'weird'

so much acne but dry af skin, it's hard to combat

skin picking as self harm

aggressive nail biter; not only the nails but the skin around it

he's actually one big hangnail

and his nailbeds and sides are always inflamed

toothpicks to stop him from picking his skin

or to try to stop him from smoking but this is not a mental health / addiction headcanon

I'm convinced he has the ugliest, driest old man elbows and knees, I just know that they look weird

Echo

technically a reg, I know

but his prosthetics sometimes don't sit right, so there's a lot of friction and a high risk of irritated skin, blisters and sores

he's so pale - not surprised at all if he gets sunburnt quickly

reminds everyone to use lotion / sunscreen

learned the hard way bc he listened to Fives

tries to keep everyone from making stupid mistakes

buir mode activated

Omega

baby

baby skin

for now

Echo attempts to keep her in check

gets one really bad sunburn and learns her lesson

can't move for 3 business days

also, not a skin condition but she spends 5 seconds in direct sunlight and is just covered in freckles

[spacemancharisma]

Hey you said feel free to ask hygiene questions. How often should you be doing stuff? Like showering, washing hair, washing bedding? Washing re-wearable clothing like jeans or jackets or bras that I think you can wear multiple times without needing to wash?

Idk other esp hygiene or cleaning activities that you need to do sometimes.

Like they tell you brush your teeth twice a day but not how often you need to wash other things.

yeah this is a really good question! I’m putting it under the cut since it got p long lol

so showering is ideally every day, but that can be difficult for some people, so as close to that as you can manage is good. if you have days that it’s too much, wiping down with a rag or a baby wipe is good. be sure to thoroughly clean your genitals/butthole every night before bed, just for your health. on baby wipe days, i get that whole zone really clean, and also my armpits, feet, and anywhere my skin folds over bc sweat tends to trap there. wash your face well at least once a day (I do it in the shower) and if you’re up to it, give it a good scrub with just water at the other end of the day. there’s no hygiene gain or loss from shaving any part of your body, so do that as much or little as is your preference. I put on deodorant at least twice a day (when I wake up & after I shower), or whenever I’m feeling sweaty/stinky.

washing your hair really depends on its length and texture and I can only speak to white person hair care, but as far as that goes- I have thick, curly hair, and I wash it every 2-3 days. people with greasier hair tend to wash it more often. like with most things, a good test is to wash whenever it starts to have a smell, or more frequently than that lol. comb your hair out when you wash it to keep it from getting matted. people with straight hair brush it dry, too, but that isn’t something I do personally.

clothes go by the smell principle too, mostly. shirts can get two or three wears unless they’re sweaty/stained/stinky. pants made of a thick material can usually last a week, though some people stretch their jeans out even more if they’re good material. again- if it starts to have a smell, put it in the laundry. bras are also good for a week or so at a time as long as they’re not stinky. jackets and stuff go by the same principle, and they last a long time usually, since they don’t touch your skin directly. underwear should be changed at least once a day and not reworn, same with socks.

washcloths should only be used once, but bath towels can get two or three uses. hand towels should be switched/washed about once a week.

people tell you to change/wash your bedsheets once a week but I don’t know anyone who does that lmao. changing your sheets every two weeks or so is usually good; you might want to do so more frequently though if you’re sick or eating in bed or having a lot of sex or something hfbggjg

like you said, brushing your teeth is standard once in the morning and once at night. if you want to do a bonus one halfway through the day, that’s probably good for you, but most people don’t. brush your tongue when you brush your teeth- it only takes a couple seconds and it does a lot apparently. get a new toothbrush at least every 6 months, if not more often.

body chores: clip your finger/toenails as often as works best for you. I can’t stand having long nails so I trim them once a week, but that would obvs be different if you like long nails. floss as often as you can, but don’t feel bad if you’re not consistent- very few people are. put lotion on your body if your skin gets dry- I recommend aveeno, it’s not greasy and it works really well. if you have sex toys, clean them before and after every use (it’s a pain but you do Not want to fuck with any kind of germs down there).

household chores: clean toilet- once a week. clean bathroom sinks/tub: once a month (clean mirrors while you’re at it). empty trash cans- once a week. clean kitchen counters- every time you cook. clean stovetop- once a week. dust- once a month but this one’s kinda optional lmao. laundry- before you run out of clean clothes/towels. dishes- before you run out of clean dishes. floors- my family vacuumed/swept once a week growing up but as an adult I just kinda follow my heart here lol. change pet litter- at least once a week.

health: you’re supposed to see your GP once a year for a regular health check, and that’s good to get blood work done to make sure your hormones and such are all balanced, but it’s okay if you don’t keep a super strict schedule with that. dentists you really should see once every 6 months, or at least once a year. if you have a uterus, get a pap smear done every 5 years. get checked for STIs with each new partner, or once a year. keep track of your period if you have one so you know if there are irregularities; change tampons/pads as needed, you know best, but remember to never sleep with a tampon in. give yourself a breast self-exam at least once every few months, if applicable. drink water consistently throughout the day, listen to your body and eat when you’re hungry, try to have at least one fruit or vegetable a day (doesn’t have to be whole/raw, just get those nutrients where you can). the average number of times in a day to pee is apparently 6-7, but I’d say anywhere from 5-10 is normal, idk I’m not a pee expert. either way, stay aware of your body and it’s needs and don’t hold your pee if you have literally any other options- your kidneys are important and that hurts them. you should poop 1-2 times a day, not accounting for any health conditions that might change that. do your best to get 8-9 hours of sleep a night, and get your body in motion for at least 30 minutes a day- this could be a gentle walk or even doing household chores, the important thing is to keep your muscles and joints flexible. do some basic stretches once a day.

and some closing remarks- I’m really proud of you for reaching out to ask, cause I know it can be really hard to talk about this stuff. there’s absolutely no shame in ignorance, and similarly, there is no shame in being dirty/smelly. as humans, we tend to keep ourselves and our surroundings clean because it’s better for our health and our sensory experience, and it makes us more pleasant for others to be around, but it’s important to remember that none of this is a moral imperative. I grew up in a house that made it seem like you were a bad person if you were dirty or you smelled like BO, and that’s not a healthy or accurate approach to things. keeping proper hygiene when you can is important, but because it makes your life more pleasant to live, not because it’s a sin or a slight to do otherwise. just do your best to take care of yourself, and you’re doing great 💜

[alessiasfreckles]

Do you mind sharing some thing you have found helpful when it comes to dealing with your adhd. I know everyone is different but I’ve been diagnosed recently and I’m just really struggling to a) come to terms with it and b) I’ve just always struggled to do day to day tasks. Like this sounds gross but I have a really hard time brushing my teeth and showering consistently because of my adhd and idk how to deal with it.

Sorry if this made no sense I’m just really struggling right now

oh girl the teeth and showering thing is so me lol.

for my teeth one thing that helped a little was figuring out what was stopping me brushing my teeth - i didn’t like how the electric toothbrush felt so i got a normal toothbrush, and i really don’t like the tastes of specific toothpastes so i try to get ones i don’t mind as much. that only helped a little as my main problem is just forgetting about it but one thing that did help was setting myself a realistic goal of 3x a week and saying that if i managed that for 4 weeks i could buy myself a new game as a reward! that worked for those 4 weeks lol. recently i found an app called Pokémon Smile which helped a bit! by brushing your teeth you help pokemon and can collect them lol. another thing that helps is that when i or my gf have brushed our teeth we go to the other person and say ‘minty fwesh!’ and get a kiss to prove how minty fwesh we are lol. oh also i try to do it when i remember it - it doesn’t matter what time it is etc, if it’s mid afternoon and i think about it, i’ll brush them then

showering - i honestly shower when i feel like i need to. i’m very lucky with my hair not getting greasy often, i wash it roughly once every 1.5 weeks. i shower when i feel like i’m smelly, and i use a good (men’s stick!!! important, they’re much better than spray ones or women’s ones) deodorant. sometimes if i’m really struggling my gf will help me shower or we’ll shower together (only really helpful if you have a partner, sorry!)

some helpful advice i’ve seen is to stop trying to accommodate your surroundings, make your surroundings accommodate you. if putting a toothbrush by your bed and just brushing in bed without toothpaste works for you, do that. reward yourself for things; your brain struggles to make dopamine properly, and by rewarding yourself you can try and trick your brain into associating things with feeling good! also routine can really help i think

i hope some of this helped!!! you’re not gross and you’re not bad or anything for struggling with things. it’s okay to struggle, and it’s even better to ask for help 💛

another good resource is the r/adhd subreddit, if you go there and search ‘brushing teeth’ or ‘shower’ you should get tons of posts from people asking for advice!!

[tubtick]

Coping mechanisms for non-functioning depressive episodes

DISCLAIMER – I am not a medical professional, and this is NOT good advice for those that can function above the level described in this post. These are my own personal techniques that I have used when I was so depressed that these were the only ways to function for me, and they may not work for everyone. If you have someone in your life who can help, please reach out!

Self-maintenance is impossible but important. Small things like brushing your teeth, changing clothes, showering etc may be literally not possible in a bad episode. When this happens, I try to remind myself that doing something a little bit is still better than nothing. For example, I end up with glasses all around my room and bed – maybe try putting a toothbrush and toothpaste next to your bed and keep a glass of water (to drink but also to spit). It’s unhygienic and absolutely not ideal, but I’ve found that sometimes leaning over to brush my teeth without having to get up has sometimes been the only reason I’ve not got dentures yet. You can also try cleaning the glass when you go to the toilet.

Similarly, changing clothes is a small thing that will not only help you feel as though you’ve achieved something, but will also feel better and keep you fresher if you aren’t gonna be showering. Again, for me getting out and getting naked in my room can be daunting, effort, and humiliating in a bad episode. To get over this I would try to put out an outfit next to my bed, and several pairs of clean undies – meaning I can get changed under my covers without sitting up. It actually helped me feel as though I was more ready to get out of bed.

Messy room? Making you feel like shit? But can’t move to clean it? One thing that might help is just move *one* thing. When you go to the toilet, or get up for a snack or whatever, just move one or two things. Then stop. You don’t NEED to do it all at once. Your brain is interpreting the time-consuming chore of cleaning the whole room, but you aren’t doing that, tell your brain you are just moving around one or two things and then follow through. One of the reasons cognitive dysfunctions can take hold so strongly is the perception that you’re about to complete a large task, so try to break it up into a bunch of little tasks and try to remove the time pressure – it doesn’t work it you still aim to have cleaned your room in the day, because that’s still the same long task. Today you are just putting away your makeup. Tomorrow you are just stacking your plates, the next day you are just going to put your laundry in a pile, maybe even separate clean from dirty. Just try to take your time and understand that you are not functioning at full capacity.

If you can try to view showering as a relaxing activity, do try and shift your mindset – but if you really can’t bring yourself to have one, just remember Pits, Bits, and (if you have them) Tits! Those are the main areas of sweat and dead skin and a little rinse under a sink or a wipe, and a little bit of deodorant can go a long way. If you have micellar water, just wiping your face once a day can be a very basic skincare that gets rid of sweat and excess oils (this might be different for different skins and people). Hair can be left a surprising long time without needing a wash unless you have a skin condition- if it starts getting very greasy maybe try covering it when lying in bed to avoid oils rubbing off on your face and sheets, which can lead to breakouts and other things that can cause an episode to spiral. Also braiding it if it is loose can also help to prevent tangling. Try to find tips from other people who have struggled with depression for your hair type, because it can vary greatly depending on length and curl.

If you can change you sheets, that’s great! Try to do that once a week, if you can’t, try to at least change your pillowcase – it takes 30 seconds and it’s the most important part of the bed to change. (Unless you lie with your face on the sheet – if you do change that) If all else fails, bring a towel from the bathroom and lie on that. Keeping things clean and slightly more comfortable is paramount.

If you tend to over or under eat during an episode – try not to beat yourself up about it! It might not be healthy but while you are struggling, feeling guilty about a temporary difference in your diet is not going to be helpful for you. Once you begin leaving your depressive episode make sure you don’t immediately jump back to how much you were eating before! It might seem like a good idea but depending on how long you’ve been experiencing the episode your body has likely adjusted to the amount of food you were eating before. If you tend to overeat, change the amount you are eating in small increments that reduce a little bit each day (and I do mean a tiny bit) to make sure your body isn’t left wanting – that leads to cravings and sometimes eating more than you had intended to in the first place. If you tend to undereat, try to increase the number of times a day you eat. Even if they are small portions, try to eat maybe 5 times a day to make sure you are getting enough nutrition.

Open the window. That’s it, open the window. Let in some light, let in some air. Both those things are good for you, and it only takes one action. For me, lying down in the dark and warm is a lovely experience, and I tend to create that environment when I’m in an episode because it’s comforting, and while there is a time for comfort, during the day seeing the sun and feeling the wind can take you out of the rotcore mindset, plus it helps with any scents that might have accumulated during the episode. Sometimes I even find that opening the window and looking outside distracts me from something I was thinking about before. However, if you struggle with suicidal ideation to the point that you are worried about going near the window it might be wise to give this one a miss (or ask someone else to open the window for you).

Those are my personal tips from the various times in my life I’ve struggled with depression, and the things and coping mechanisms I have developed, and I’m fully aware they may not work for many people but I hope someone out there finds this useful.

[greeneyedvamp]

Things that tend to help with my skin picking

None of these things are foolproof and I haven't yet stopped completely, but doing several consistently tends to reduce the amount of picking I do whenever I manage to stick with them long enough. Might edit occasionally with relevant observations.

Taking care of my mental wellbeing

This is something I've historically been terrible at, so it's more of an aspirational reminder for myself than a tip. I place it first as the most determining - none of the other ones will work unless I 1) don't need skin picking to cope and 2) have the emotional capacity to care about it. I tend to get extremely anxious about grades during academic semesters, and skin picking becomes an "affordable" method of procrastination, a calming ritual at the end of a stressful day and a way to focus when I read and write. So I need to find more fulfilling activities to do when I'm not studying and work on shifting my identity away from academic achievement. My (achievable) goals for next semester, based on previous experiences, are to: - keep a study planner and spread tasks across a week rather than trying to do everything within one day and as soon as possible - allocate a daily minimum for time to rest (which can involve established hobbies or doing nothing (see Jenny Odell)) - journal - divine whenever needed - meet different friends at least once a week regardless of how busy I am - drink herbal teas while I study to keep my mind calm and my hands occupied - go for walks to places I like or sit outside every other day - set less ambitious goals for uni art projects (and talk to a teacher about expectations and burnout prior to project brainstorm) - read fiction to expand my experience of the world

Multistep skincare kits

My mum got me a set of four ordered skincare products, and I've noticed that the desire to pick that often precedes or follows using a cleanser can be replaced with the desire to go through the steps one by one if I haven't been picking for a couple of hours prior to doing skincare.

Covering problematic areas with BB cream in the mornings

I think this is by far the most effective one for me. I can't as easily see redness and imperfections in the mirror from afar if they're covered with skin colour, so I'm not as compelled to come close, and I avoid touching my face when I don't see it if I'm scared of disturbing the uniformity. Doing this first thing in the morning after cleansing has allowed my face to heal completely on multiple occasions (except for pigmentation left behind), and my most devastating relapses happened when I either put it off or stopped doing it when my face was healed. It works as a preventative measure but can't make me stop once I've started. It also only works if applied only to the butterfly zone and forehead, because bb cream on my chin and temples feels disgusting and has the opposite effect.

Keeping my hair clean

When it gets greasy, I start to avoid looking at my reflection as a whole and instead focus in on small details, which, combined with a feeling of grossness, leads to me picking. I try to wash my hair more often to avoid this.

Treating my seborrheic dermatitis & eczema

Picking at my scalp and eczema often lead to damaging normal skin too, so getting rid of them has somewhat reduced the behaviour. Life also became a lot nicer when I stopped having to be ashamed of the very visible snowfall of dandruff that accompanied me, the habit of constantly picking at my itchy scalp, and of hairdressers seeing the scales and scabs.

Using a dim light source instead of ceiling lights

The first time I did this (using the light of a phone screen, before I moved to candles), I was surprised at how calm the experience was, as the anxiety associated with picking (that I didn't know I had) disappeared. Definitely works for this one time of day, but I might keep looking for a more comfortable light, because candles are intimidating.

Applying bold eye makeup

I've noticed that sometimes my picking is fuelled by the desire to frequently observe changes on my face; this becomes my reason to get up in the morning. Drawing bold black lines and experimenting with eye shadow fulfills this desire too, but in a much more fun and diverse way, and it provides an outlet for perfectionism - instead of seeking skin textures to fix, I can touch up on or change the makeup. I wouldn't be comfortable wearing it out in public, but it's fun to do at home. Unfortunately, I don't do it often enough for it to help in the long-term.

Fidget toy

I often pick to occupy my hands whenever I'm on my phone or reading a book. Carrying a fidget spinner with me at all times and taking it out whenever I open my kindle helps. My cat fears it though.

Asking my mum not to scold me

My picking was often aggravated by the fear of my mum getting mad at the sight of my face: I'd stay in the bathroom longer, waiting for the redness to subside and blood to clot, which would result in me going at it a second and third time; an aesthetician I went to also worsened the feeling of shame with comments. At some point I wrote a message to her explaining that she's not being helpful, and we agreed that I would make an effort and she would stop talking about it, although she can tell me to stop if I'm picking in her presence. I also asked to stop seeing the aesthetician and she let me. This slightly improved the state of my skin but significantly lifted the emotional burden