#only friends the series ep 4

[ichigokeks]

I came here to witness anger over Mew still choosing Top despite the red flags being the size of a circus tent and instead I see the whole damn tag full of Nick getting dragged for his pathetic, masochistic, unhinged sex tape listening hours

[ourplacetobefree]

Just watched ep 4, and I can't believe that it's 2 years later and the friend group is still calling their suicidal friend a burden.

Did that flashback not mean that after the attempt, Ray's friends tried to show they cared about him after learning what happened? If so why would they still say that shit and if not, then do they only know some of it and not everything? Do they only know he was feeling alone and not the heavier stuff?

Either way, it's not a good look for them to be so casual about saying such hurtful things to and about Ray. They're too comfortable saying that shit.

Also, why has Mew never told them to stop saying that shit??? He knows for sure, so why hasn't he said anything? I could never have a friend in that fragile of a mental state and not protect the shit out of them from any careless and misspoke words, but Mew says NOTHING for 2 years!!!

[jimmysea]

Don't listen to what Ton said. If there's something you want to know, you ask me.

ONLY FRIENDS THE SERIES (2023) Episode 5

[jojotichakorn]

he is an icon, he is a legend, and he IS the moment

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Try to open your mind and listen to new bands.

[thatgirl4815]

Twice now we've seen Ray say this...

Both times, Ray attempts to repay that person--Sand or Mew--in some way, and he develops feelings for them in the process. If Sand is someone who needs to help others, Ray is someone who forms quick, deep attachments to those who help him. As far as we can tell from his monologue during the first scene, he's gone his entire life feeling like he's undeserving of help.

Ray cannot separate Mew as a person from the thing he did for him that night when he hugged him in the bathtub. Mew saved him, and Ray translates those feelings of gratitude and affection as romantic. But the difference between Mew and Sand is that Mew was there for Ray when no one else was--an act of love--but there's nothing inherently romantic about it. Alternatively, there's genuine romantic development and chemistry in Ray's relationship with Sand; they share an interest in each other. Ray has barred himself from the possibility of being in a relationship with Sand because he's been clinging onto Mew so desperately. Up until now, I think the thought of Mew's affection is what has given Ray worth in his life.

If Mew had returned Ray's feelings though, I wonder how long it would have taken Ray to realize that his interest was in the acts of kindness that Mew gave to him, not for Mew himself.

I also think it's no coincidence that both Sand and Mew have saved Ray's life. It emphasizes Ray's attachment issues, while also illustrating the clear differences between Sand and Mew and what they mean to Ray.

[malepresentingleg]

Ray this episode:

[dramadeer]

SandRay Playlist [Part 1] |_ save your money for a shrink [insp.][template]

[rabbiitte]

Character analysis #2

Ray's Self-Destructive Spiral: Unveiling the Repetition Compulsion.

We previously talked about how Mew can be associated with the idea of "control", today we'll talk about how Ray can be associated with the idea of "repetition". Specially, Ray can be associated to the idea of repetition of traumatic experiences. But “Why would anyone want to repeat a traumatic experience?”, you may ask. I've been asking myself that question since EP2, since that episode contains the bases and fundamentals to understand two of the most complex characters in the series: Top and Ray. However, today we'll concentrate on Ray and his tendency to repeat self-destructive patterns rooted in his mother's death. I'll share with you my study about the repetition compulsion concept within Freud's psychoanalytic theory and how it can be related to Ray. We'll also address the concepts of acting out and transference. This is going to be extensive, but if you are interested, keep reading and join me as I delve into Ray's intricacies!

1. Unearthing the Patterns: Ray's Repetition Compulsion.

We all go back to doing what gives us pleasure. It could be something like watching a movie that makes us happy or something deeper. Do you remember when we talked about Top's need to be rewarded? This repetitive behavior of constantly asking for rewards obeys the need to be recognized and appreciated. When we are rewarded (we get the reward itself but also) we know we did things right and feel appreciated, which provokes pleasure. According to Freud, when we repeat actions/situations/patterns that give us pleasure, the repetition is positive and when we repeat actions/situations/patterns that don't give us pleasure, the repetition is pathological. In the series, pathological repetition can be seen reflected through Ray.

I think the vast majority will agree that Ray's alcoholism takes a new meaning after learning that his mother died from alcohol consumption (and perhaps due to other substances too). Why does Ray repeat his mother's alcoholism if he knows that it led to her death? Why do parents repeat the unhealthy patterns they experienced when they were children? Why an individual tends to choose friends who mistreat him/her after being mistreated? According to the psychoanalytic theory, this is due to the repetition compulsion.

Repetition compulsion: The repetition compulsion is a psychological concept introduced by Sigmund Freud. It refers to a person's tendency to unconsciously repeat past experiences, often traumatic or distressing ones, in their present behaviour or relationships. This repetition can occur despite the individual's awareness that it may not be in their best interest. Freud believed that this compulsion stemmed from an innate drive to master or resolve unresolved issues from the past, even if doing so is painful or self-destructive. The repetition compulsion can influence various aspects of a person's life, including relationships, choices and reactions, often leading to patterns of behaviour that seem illogical or counterproductive.

As stated, the repetition compulsion includes both positive and negative patterns of behaviour. But, when an individual unconsciously reenact harmful or destructive patterns from their past and these repetitions result in negative or harmful outcomes, we're talking about destructive repetition.

Destructive repetition: refers to the repetition of harmful or self-destructive behaviours. This can include self-harm, substance abuse, or engaging in relationships with patterns of emotional or physical abuse. Destructive repetition often reflects unresolved psychological issues and can be an attempt to gain control or find meaning in past experiences.

That's why parents repeat their parents' parenting patterns, to gain control over the traumatic experience. That's why an individual will unconsciously choose friends who mistreat him/her, to gain control over the traumatic experience. And that's why Ray repeats his mother's addiction/s, to gain control over the traumatic experience. Ray's choice to engage in alcohol consumption despite its destructive consequences mirrors the destructive patterns associated with his mother's death. In other words, Ray may be unconsciously repeating the addiction his mother experienced to try to make sense of her death, in a context where he feels a false sense of control over his own alcoholism.

In addition to being a case of destructive repetition compulsion, Ray's repetition could fall into the following categories:

Repetition of Traumatic Events: Individuals may unconsciously recreate or reenact traumatic events from their past in an attempt to master or make sense of them.

Repetition of Self-Sabotage: Some individuals repeatedly engage in self-sabotaging behaviors, such as substance abuse or destructive habits, despite knowing the negative consequences.

Repetition of Childhood Experiences: People may unconsciously repeat patterns or dynamics from their childhood within their adult lives.

Based on the scene of EP4, in which Ray asks Mew if he thinks he'll end up like his mother, I'd say there's a chance Ray is aware of his destructive patterns of behaviour. He has the self-awareness but he doesn't have the will to change. Perhaps because he thinks he deserves it? However, it seems that Ray is still trying to understand and gain control (it's interesting how we always come back to this idea) about his mother's death. At the same time, he seems to be also interested in discovering his role or influence on it.

2. Ray's Inner Turmoil: Acting Out and Suicide Attempt.

The nonverbal way in which the destructive repetition compulsion manifests itself is through acting out.

Acting out: refers to the expression of emotions or internal conflicts through impulsive and disruptive actions rather than expressing them verbally. It can manifest itself in behaviours such as tantrums, defiant behaviour, verbal or physical aggression, or even self-destructive behaviours. "Acting out" is often an attempt to communicate emotional needs that are difficult to put into words, but it manifests itself in disorganized and disruptive ways.

With this in mind, in the opening scene of EP4, the "acting out" would be Ray's impulsive and disruptive action of taking an overdose of pills, which is a self-destructive attempt and a way of expressing his emotional conflicts in a non-verbal way. In that time period, Ray might have been struggling to express his need for affection and his feeling of loneliness, prompting him to act self-destructively. Had he died, he would have died in the same way his mother died: consuming alcohol and drugs.

The moment of acting out shouldn't be confused with the nervous breakdown Ray suffered. Acting out is related to the presence of disruptive behaviours in a nonverbal way as a form of expression of internal conflicts. While the nervous breakdown (in this case, it happens after the acting out moment) is characterized by:

Uncontrollable crying: the person may cry intensely and for a long time without being able to stop.

Feeling of despair: the person may feel overwhelmed by sadness, fear or anxiety, and may think that there isn't a solution to problems.

Loss of emotional control: a person may experience a feeling of emotional lack of control and feel that the emotions are out of reach.

Isolation: The person may withdraw from others and seek solitude as a way to cope with the crisis.

Expression of negative thoughts: the person may express negative thoughts about themselves, such as feeling worthless or guilty.

(a nervous breakdown may include physical symptoms too but only the visible symptoms present in Ray's scene were shared).

This is Ray's way of manifesting his inner conflicts based on unresolved traumatic experiences through destructive behaviour.

3. Ray's Unresolved Emotions: The Impact of Transferential Patterns on Romantic Choices.

Let's keep talking about EP4, but this time focusing on Mew's importance (because it's impossible to talk about Ray without talking about Mew) and this line: “she never hugged me like this, you know?”. According to Ray, in this scene, Mew provided him with something his mom didn't: affection. However, Mew didn't provide that solely in this scene. Mew provides affection, comfort, support, security and discipline on a regular basis to Ray (even today).

These features are typically associated with a mother figure and, as we explained in Mew's analysis, these are features that Mew has. Here the idea of “Ray isn't in love with Mew, he's in love with the idea of Mew” becomes relevant because everything suggests that Ray could be projecting onto Mew the caregiver and support figure role he didn't have in his relationship with his mother. But guess what? Sand also possesses these characteristics.

So it's no accident that Ray becomes romantically involved with the only two people who can provide him with what his mother couldn't, it's a pattern.

This could be Ray's way to look into adult relationships for what may have been missing in his relationship with his mother during childhood. This kind of search for relationships that fill emotional voids from the past is a common element in the transference theory in psychoanalysis.

Transference: refers to the reactivation and projection of unconscious feelings, desires and attitudes towards an authority figure or significant person in an individual's life. This often occurs when an individual develops strong feelings, positive or negative, toward their therapist or significant person, which are actually related to important figures from their past, such as parents, siblings, or significant others.

It's possible that Ray, with time and personal work, may come to terms with the fact that his unmet needs are, in fact, unmet needs. This would be an important step towards emotional maturation.

The emotional maturation process involves recognizing and addressing past emotional wounds, learning how to healthily meet emotional needs, and developing more balanced and fulfilling relationships. This may require therapy, self-reflection, and self-work. Each person has their own rhythm in this process, but awareness and the desire for change are positive steps towards emotional maturity.

However, as long as Ray doesn't stop projecting his unconscious feelings onto his partners, he may continue to experience difficulties in his relationships. Ray's relationships may be threatened by instability and unhealthy attitudes (like codependency) as a result of expectations and unresolved needs that can be difficult to fully satisfy through partners.

It's possible to interpret that Ray is trapped in behavioural and emotional patterns that reflect unresolved wounds from his childhood. His constant search for mother figures in his romantic interests and the repetition of these patterns could indicate that he's struggling to overcome his childhood trauma and feels trapped in his emotional childhood. It's as if Ray is frozen in time, still searching for answers about his mother's death and the affection he lacked as a child.

If you liked this analysis and want to read more, click here to read Mew's analysis.

[dribs-and-drabbles]

ONLY FRIENDS IS SO GOOOOOOOOD

[syrena-del-mar]

Mew casually dropping that Ray also uses coke to Top…

It’s not surprising with the amount of pain and self-hatred that Ray has towards himself that he would seek something stronger than alcohol to give him that high, but man it makes me ache for Ray.

[gaym3bo1]

You know what i love Mew for? Being able to set clear boundaries. To be fair, he then crosses them on his own (not as bad as the Boston Boundaries Discussion from last week but y'know) sometimes. Like he'll kiss Top as a little treat but tell Top he's not allowed to kiss him bc they're not together together.

But from

"You made me uncomfortable with your public confession so we aren't officially a couple yet and i want you to woo me again"

to

"No penetration. Take it or leave it."

I feel like this clear communication doesn't happen often. He's not afraid to say what he wants/needs.

Also it's the complete opposite of Top (who just bends to everyone's will with a little push), which is very interesting.

[ourplacetobefree]

How's Top going to be mad about Ray and Mew hooking up 2 years ago, but refuse to tell Mew his body count?!?!

SIR, he needs that information to protect himself (not slut shaming, but I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, so who knows what Top could have and especially after he JUST slept with Boston too), and you're over here pressed about Ray smfh.

[hughungrybear]

Me watching Only Friends Episode 4:

1. Oh, boy. I feel for Ray, I really do. But that kind of co-dependency is toxic. He is latching on to Mew in an unhealthy way. He needs to seek professional help to address his depression and self-loathing before he even thinks of getting in any romantic relationship.

2. Cheum spitting out truths lol. Also, it is very telling that the first thing Boston does when everyone else is comforting Ray is to divert the attention to himself - listing all his so-called virtues and Cheum calling him out.

3. I just have a new realisation how much of sh*tty friend Boston is. Just think about it, he held on to that picture of Ray and Mew kissing for years with the hopes that he can somehow use it against them (or more specifically, against Mew).

4. Ngl, that's a sh*tty thing to do, Ray. Consent is a thing, y'know.

5. Nick's "I know what I'm playing with" sounds pretty ominous 😅

6. Yeah, unless you're a gold-digging b*tch, Ray's way of showing affection is uncomfortable. Good for Sand for calling it out. Although, Sand is clearly falling for Ray, anyway

7. Ooooh, Nick making his countemeasure attack against Boston. I can't wait to see it. 😁

8. I don't know what to think about Top now 😲 Also, does he and Sand have a past? Like Top snatching away Sand's lover or something? <after five seconds> Ooof, there it is.

9. Oh gods. Top is much, much worse than I thought.

10. Ray is just a bundle of untreated depression and trauma. Not sure if Sand deserves that.

I guess it helps to think that this series is DEFINITELY NOT A LOVE STORY. Otherwise, the episodes are becoming too depressing fast 😭😭😭

[jojotichakorn]

YES! GO OFF!!!! THIS IS EXACTLY HOW YOU DEAL WITH LACK OF CONSENT IN YOUR FUCKING SHOWS, JOJO I LOVE YOU

[blorbingqls]

NOT TOP WITH THE FUCKING PHONEEEEE

also, all our meme artists out there, can someone make the meme of "corporate asks you to differentiate between the two pictures. it is the same picture" from office and have the second photo be this?