#only for her to go 'oh ive always liked the name [redacted]'

[adudelol-reblogs]

undertale oc that i've never heard of before????

tell me NOW

-✨

LMAOO yeah rye :)

oh wow this got long putting this below a . read more <3

so. okay ive been an undertale fan since the game first came out right like i remember looking at the trailers for a new game releasing (2015) and so me and a friend, @scooky2 made ocs together! (Oh my gods scooky sun n rye are nine years old.)

but yes we've had them around for forever, snr (the oc group, stands for Sun aNd Rye, or Sun N Rye), are our ocs. Sun created by Scooky and Rye created by me. They've changed a lot over the past few years, but yknow, as all ocs do <3

So, rye is my beloved baby ray of sunlight . she's a trans gal (she/it/[redacted]), and lives near sun. she's adopted by a poly family, the smiths, and her social worker, stacy, is suns mom!

so thats how sun n rye met when they were. 13ish? Something like that

pretty much they've always been close friends, and sun has punched several transphobes whove been mean to rye LMAO

OH a note here: rye is pronounced like "Ray". She named herself to match Sun (Sunray, a ray of sun, etc) and i just find that so wholesome i love them your honour

Um. Pretty much when they're like,,, 19? 20? I don't exactly remember, but one day when they were walking on a trail they fell into mt ebbott into the underground

sun has a bravery? soul? I think? bravery yeah the orange one, and rye has the typical determination red soul. they kinda go through the underground like normal, until theeee undyne fight, where sun dies. rye freaks out and panics, causing her to also die BUT!

as the DT soul, she is sent to this voidlike place for a moment. in the distance, she can hear a voice talking to her, and it tells her to just believe in herself. and she comes back to her last save point!

rye loves her honorary sister, and so she leaves without sun and fights undyne. during this, rye feels like the only thing she can do here is to kill undyne to save sun so yeah . rip o7

throughout the story rye dies a bunch more times, and each time she finds herself in the void place, the voice getting louder and louder until one time she sees its some weird, melted goopy skeleton monster (gaster!)

i dont exactly remember everything said, but the point is during the first run, gaster built up his trust with rye, and when she fights asgore, gaster convinces her to reset (aren't you curious? find out what else could happen?) (you promised you would save me. how can you do that without learning more information?) (do what i tell you. don't you trust me? im showing you how to use your soul. your determination) all that kinda stuff

so rye agrees, resets and resets and resets doing dozens and dozens of different things -- genocide, killing everyone besides one specific monster, only kill this one, seeing how everything reacts. but the one thing, the one thing rye would never do was hurt sun

(don't you trust me, rye? killing sun might be the one thing that can unlock this information. trust me, she won't even remember it. she wont know it even happened)

the one thing rye would never was hurt sun, before.

sun.... it was always a quick, painless death. at least, rye hoped it was. rye still loved her sister, but... she needed to know after all, right?

eventually sans manages to convince rye that he remembers everything blah blah and that rye is being manipulated by gaster, that she doesnt have to do this

and rye, tired of the resets, tired of killing sun or hurting sun over and over and over stops. she fights against gaster, telling him to leave her alone and that she's not playing his game anymore

so, she finally gets to her pacifist route. she finally did it, but... there isn't enough human souls to break the barrier. so both rye and sun are stuck down here until frisk (who in our oc would is not a DT soul, since we have the lore that only one DT soul can exsist at once) comes down and the barrier is broken by frisk

thats the overall story done!

oh i totally forgot to mention this. but both sun n rye are humans at the start of this story. sun is part phoenix (oc monster race we have), and part giant (also oc monster race). she looks human though, and game-wise, is human with human stats in everything until around sometime in waterfall, where she falls off a cliff or something and nearly dies -- but the monster part of her soul unlocks and she transforms into her monster form (which is birdlike -- wings on her back, eyes change, feathers, etc).

rye, on the other hand, is human. but remember stacy? suns mom, rye's social worker?

stacy is part giant, and has been around since before the monsters were locked into mt ebbott. stacy had gotten away, just looking like a tall lady to most of the world, and every couple decades she has to move to get a new ID+keep up the act of being human since, after 50 years, how do you still look 20 LMAO

but yes, stacy is a monster. and she had given rye this one magical item -- that if rye was ever in serious trouble, yes, use this.

well, in the underground, rye went through several life or death serious situations, and had used the device -- it unlocks even more of the DT in her soul, transforming her into her monster form.

Rye becomes a medusa like creature, legs shifting into one long snake tail, and hair turning into a mass amount of snakes. when she was being manipulated by gaster, she learned that her human form did more damage to monsters, so she never used it often.

but once she realized she was stuck down here, she found out that the snake form felt more comfortable as long as she wasn't outside in snowdin (due to the cold). so she ends up spending most of her time in her medusa form, because well

i should say . snr are oc x canon. we made them when we were younger and idk that its cringe now cringe is dead etc etc but

but yes, oc x canon, and the canon characters? ...sans and papyrus. though sun and sans is romantic, rye and papyrus are a qpr :D

but yeah like i was saying . rye spends most of her time in her snake form because it also just makes sans feel idk like safer? that when she was being manipulated, when she was killing monsters, she did so in her human form and her snake form was her willing to be weaker yknow

anyways uh . wow this is long i just rambled

sorry if like none of this makes sense LMAO i didnt realized how long this is oh my gods

[cuz-reasons]

Deadnamed at the michaels yesterday, petsmart would never

[komoreangel]

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐚

pairing: scaramouche x fem!reader

scenario: you met when you were both very young, and since the day he left you behind he still feels an undying fear for what sight would await him if he dared to return home.

or…

thantophobia - the fear of losing a loved one. but he had made it perfectly clear that you did not fall under that category when he left you and all of your promises behind.

request: okok my first idea was: scaramouche childhood friends to enemies to lovers. take with that what you will <3

a/n: hi anon ty so very much for the request we all know i love scara <33 but i did tweak it a bit basically its childhood friends to enemies to scara loves reader but reader isnt convinced (with a hint of 'ive always loved you' thrown in)

side note: this is a rewrite of an excerpt i wrote for a scara x oc, in which the oc was female (the same is said here but i will avoid using pronouns) and adopted into the kamisato clan as a princess (minor inazuma spoilers). the same situation is stated here. also i am 1000% willing to write more of this (includes my personal headcanons for scaramouche’s backstory, not canon!!)

growing up, you had always had poor health

your mother worried for you a lot when you were younger

she didn’t like to let you go outside much either

you spent most of your time in the palace walls while she worked, frequently being taken to see the royal physician

you would sit outside the door while your parents talked with the doctors about your “condition”

you weren’t even that sick

just weak for your age

that was when you first met him

he was training to be a soldier along his father

you were like a ghost in his eyes

sitting in the hall in the middle of the night

knees pushed to your chest, snoozing in the soft light of the moon

he was naturally a curious boy, so he kneeled in front of you and poked your shoulder

“hello?”

you startled awake

“wah-!” he fell back at your sudden movement

“who are you?” you asked

your voice was soft, and gentle, like a midnight breeze

“i’m [redacted].”

you remember what he told you, but some part of that memory had been erased from your mind…you wonder to this day what he could have said.

“my name is y/n.”

he thought it was a pretty name, although he wasn’t going to say anything

the two of you sat in the moonlight, talking quietly amongst yourselves

“why are you sitting outside the physician’s office?” he asked you

“my mama says i’m sick, and that going outside will make it worse.”

“oh. are you going to get better soon?”

you smile at him, a gesture that makes his chest tighten, although he can’t fathom why.

“yeah! she says that if we can afford to get some medicine from liyue, i’ll be all better! then i can start making friends!”

he slightly smiles

“can i be your friend, [redacted]?”

you had even said the name yourself once. why couldn’t you remember it?

his expression shifts to a slightly surprised look

“you…want to be my friend?”

he was quiet even then, and his silent expression would grow to an angry one over time

“yeah! you’re interesting, and you’re one of the few people who bothers to talk to me.”

he doesn’t speak for a while.

“you can say no if you want to.” you say to him.

“okay. i’ll be your friend.”

it’s a short response, but the bright grin that lights up your face makes it worth the wait

“yay! i can’t wait till i’m better so we can hang out more!”

you two talked in that hallway a lot

meeting after dark, talking about anything in the world

when you were about six, the worst of your illness hit you

the doctors didn’t even know what was wrong, and there were nights when he would sit outside the physician’s office alone at night, hoping, praying that the sun would shine on a world that still had you in it

you would collapse from exhaustion at the slightest overexertion

his father always told him he had to be careful with you, not only were you shorter than him, but you were also very fragile

those hours spent sitting in the hallway alone, he got to do a lot of thinking

he wanted to help you, but he didn’t know how

then, there was a sudden burst of hope

you were going to liyue with your parents

you would get the help you needed

he was happy for you, even if it meant you would have to spend time away from him

and then there was the terrible news

the ship had gone missing

you had too

he couldn’t sleep for days on end

his father was worried too

when he saw you again, you found yourself shuddering on the shores of inazuma

he wrapped his arms around you as tight as he could, as if his strength alone could undo everything that had happened

it was one of the few times he showed affection in public

he rushed you to the healer again

and this time there was no hoping

there was no praying

there was just the pit in his stomach, the fear that coursed through his veins and fueled his blood

every second felt like a decade, it was a moment in which you weren’t perfectly healthy and safe

the townspeople began to spread rumors, as people do

the guard’s son who was lovesick with worry for the sickly orphan girl

what a pity, no?

he wanted to shut them up. he wished he had the power to shut them up.

when even his father had to drag him away from the pharmacy, he didn’t talk to anyone for a very long time.

this was around the time he grew sour and snappy

his simply quiet demeanor developed into a scowl that constantly graced his face

he only smiled the day you were released from the physicians.

you weren’t fully healed. but you felt better than you ever had in your life.

his father took you in without a second thought, and he was just happy to have you with him.

“i’m better, scara.” you said to him, a happy smile on your face

“i was wondering when you’d hurry up and get well.”

you were a bit troubled by his attitude, but no less, you were happy to see your friend again.

it went like that for a long time.

he was rude, but you didn’t care because you knew what he was like underneath.

some nights he would sneak into your room and talk to you.

he told you he was just bored and felt like annoying you.

but his real reason was to make sure you were still breathing.

he always worried about you

so the day you received your vision, he felt a lot of relief

surely this meant that you could protect yourself. you were safe.

then the worst of all things happened.

his fathers death.

the day he felt like his world was ripped from underneath his feet.

almost immediately, the electro archon, baal, herself, intervened, and declared that you were to be adopted into the kamisato clan.

why you? why couldn’t he keep you with him? he was old enough to be able to take care of both of you

baal didn’t like his questioning. she said she knew what was best for you.

it was strange. because in the days he spent with you after, although not many, you didn’t seem sick at all.

for the first time, you seemed perfectly healthy.

he was glad for that…but he wasn’t happy. you could see that easily.

you knew this wasn’t the right thing for him

he stuck around for a year. you suppose you’re lucky he even stayed that long. you were pretty much his only reason.

sure he found friends in ayaka and kazuha…but he was unhappy.

he knew there was no point in staying, so he thought it was time he took his leave.

he approached you one day, as the sun began to set

you were worried for him, as he had been very angry towards baal and the emperor lately.

“scara, is there something you want to talk about?”

you watch as he stands before you

he blurts out, “run away with me.”

you’re taken aback almost immediately.

“what?”

he repeats his statement

“i’m going to flee from inazuma. come with me.”

“scara..”

his expression, as it does often these days, turns stern and serious.

“i’m not going to ask you again. come with me, y/n.”

you’re tired of him ordering you around.

“you know i can’t. i have duties here. i can’t just betray my country for you.”

“you know baal wants me gone. she’s going to kill me if i stay. she might do the same to you.”

you scoff at his words. “she won’t harm me or you. you’re being dramatic.”

he spits out his next words, laced with venom. “baal killed my father. i hate her and so should you.”

“scara.”

“it’s like you’ve completely forgotten about him just because you’re royalty now.”

“scara.”

“don’t call me scara. come with me if you ever cared at all.”

“scaramouche!”

he goes quiet

“don’t go. please.”

he frowns

“you know i can’t do that.”

you want to try and make him stay

but he won’t. you know nothing you say will convince him. he won’t let himself be convinced by you, even if that’s what he truly wants.

you inhale

“get out of here.”

“what?”

“go. leave. and take this with you.”

you throw the necklace you were wearing at him, and he catches it. baal had exiled him, it was true, but he couldn’t expect you to throw everything away for him.

“wait, what are you-“

as the two of you stare each other down, you hear ayaka’s voice coming from the courtyard, calling for you.

she has a guard with her, as the emperor assigns every royal family member. you managed to ditch yours early on.

“the guard is gonna get you if you stay, scara. get out of here, now.”

he scoffs

“whatever. i can’t believe i thought you were worth risking my life.”

he pockets the necklace and steps over the wall, and he’s gone.

nine years of friendship and he threw you away like you were nothing

in truth, the minute he was out of sight, he threw down his bag in anger

he turned around and you weren’t there anymore

you gave up on him

so if he hated you, you deserved it

it might be worth a hefty price anyway.

at least that’s what he told himself

(he never stopped missing you. almost as soon as he joined the fatui, he requested an audience with the tsaritsa to ask her how you were doing.)

“a simple agent, asking that much of me? and for a girl? that’s very bold of you.”

upon hearing it was about you, the cryo archon grew very interested. of course she remembered you.

the sickly orphan she gifted a vision to at a very young age.

she told him you were well

what she didn’t tell him was about baal going berserk and massacring thousands of her people.

upon receiving the news, he felt that chill upon him once again

the fear that fell onto his shoulders, weighing him down, too scared to ask for more information. he didn’t want to be told you were gone.

“the royal family was not harmed.”

he felt his muscles relax as he calmed down.

he quickly reassumed an upright stance.

he was the sixth harbinger. he has no weaknesses. he cares for nothing and no one.

but beneath his mask, the fire of his love for you burned brighter than the flame of any pyro vision.

a/n: ok so i really enjoyed this….scara banner when. i did tweak it a bit but i have other things written for this scenario in which scara returns to inazuma and reader is (deservingly) PISSED with him :) lmk if you want me to post those !

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

[hecksee]

1,2,5,3,7,9,11,15,19,23,22,28,29,32,31,37,47,41,49,50,55,58,62,63,67,70,79,82,86,89,91,94,99,100

1. Red or Black licorice

Neither

2. List 3 random facts about yourself

I just woke up

Im going fishing today

I dont know what im eating for breakfast

3. Name 3 things you like about yourself

Ummmmmmm can i say nothing

My hair

My size

My autism

5. Whats your zodiac sign

Gemini, do you think I fit it? IDK

6. Do you believe in conspiracy theories

....no?

7. How long have you been on Tumblr

This ones complicated 😅

Ive had this account since March of 2018 but really only became active in about Febuary of this year

9. What are three things that make you happy

My friends (especially you, @kielemarie, @peanut-the-goalie, and @potter-redheads)

O'Knutzy

My Significant Other

11. Do you have any siblings

Oh god, yes I do. I have 3 younger siblings. My brother is 11 and my sisters are 8 and 5 respectively.

15. Favorite ship?

Umm it changes, right now definitely O'Knutzy

What's currently my lock screen?

My snek

22. Melanistic or Albino animals?

It depends. If I had to choose one for all my pets, probably melanistic just to improve their quality of life. I prefer albino corn snakes, but otherwise melanistic animals. They both have their merits and are unique in their own way.

23. Favorite animal?

Snakes and cats. Im not choosing one, sorry.

28. Do you read the tags on people's posts

Yes. Always.

29. Do you have a tumblr crush

Nope, sorry, everyone is a friend :)

31. Which characters do you relate to most?

Honestly probably Logan Tremblay or Luna Lovegood

32. Last text you sent?

Um a text to my significant other

"Good morning [redacted pet name], i miss you thats all. Love you ❤❤❤❤❤"

37. Ideal or favorite weather

Ideal - like 3 ft of snow that sticks together and it being cold but not so cold you cant go outside. Like maybe 28° F?

Favorite - sunny with blue sky and white puff clouds, no humidity, and just cold enough you wont get hot

41. What are some fandoms youre in?

😅😅theres a lot. Can i just say look behind my profile at my banner? Plus sweater weather.

47. Dark theme or nah?

Whatever the app comes on, i keep it that way. So pinterest is in dark mode and nothing else is

49. Have you had your first kiss yet?

😭no because we got together after covid. If kissing her on the cheek counts then yes? It doesn't

50. Neat freak or nah?

NOPE

55. What's your sexuality?

Asexal, Demiromantic, WTFromantic, Lesbian

58. Red or black roses?

Ummm, i don't really care? Red?

62. High-fives or Fist Bumps

If its someone im close too, hugs. But mostly snapped fingers into finger guns

63. Childhood pets name?

We had a cat named Abby when I was born, but my first pet was a betta fish named Sharky

67. Favorite drink

Georgia Sweet Tea

70. Favorite meme?

Depends on the context. From ones ive created probably these three (click to see better) but i censored the friend group ones for names and just added friend 1 and such

79. What's your full name?

Hannah Margaret [REDACTED FOR PRIVACY]

82. Favorite Song?

Umm idk Meant to be yours from heathers?

86. Dresses or suits

Depends on how much of a girl I am that day

89. What are your pronouns

I really dont care, just not He/Him

91. Long Nails or Short

Um short for practical reasons, and i bite my nails 😅

94. Ugliest color in your opinion

Chartreuse and Hot Pink

99. Have you ever been out of the country?

No I have not, the USA is big. I was supposed to go to the Galapagos Islands in june but covid. Im supposed to go in 2021 tho sooo

100. Last time you cried

This morning

Thank you for the asks love

[hellbabyfromhell]

why (if you don’t mind me asking) is your house taking such a large toll on your mental health? Im sure you’ve explained it already but... I’m out of the loop

i havent explained it, and tbh i didnt explain it to my friends fr a long time because i felt guilty AND embarrassed even though i should have just been madif you happen to know these people irl, i respectfully ask you dont share this with them. i need to speak to them at my own time in my own way. its long

basically my (then gf, now ex’s) fmaily “took me in” right after my dad traumatically died right in front of me and ruined my brain. i was all fucked up and they “took me in”. i felt very safe with them. but the way it ended up was with them  bleeding me dry with money because ive been  paying my ex’s rent since my dad died, and if you know me you know thats a long, long time. now, i felt that i owed it to them because they took care of me when my dad died, and that kept me from changing things despite everyone’s warnings, saying they were using and taking advantage of me. but they called me their daughter, they cared about me, i thought. but it really went downhill abruptly......it started with small disrespects. first off, i’m paying half the rent of this townhome for an uninsulated attic with no central air or heat on the third floor. it is alternatingly freezing and fucking makes-you-nauseous hot. this family tried to convince me that i had vents and they were just covered by my trash lol and thats why my attic is worth [REDACTED] (its too much). when i literally showed them the floor plans and there was no vent they basically just went Oh.

Then, they changed my name on the neflix account to my ex’s mom’s mom’s name, because there were too many people on the netflix to make a new profile, so they changed MY name, rather than rowan’s boyfriend or their random ass friend, ME, who pays HALF THE RENT AT THIS HOUSE. that seems petty but its like, im really the least important out of everyone?then came the thing that made me really start reviewing my situation:my ex asked to come over, and they said yes. THEY said yes. not me. this was like maybe a week or two max after we broke up. ex’s mom texted me to say “okay, he’s coming over” and i was like “:0( okay thats fine but i wish you’d told me before cementing down stuff because thats a little inconsiderate” and she was like “Well it would have been inconsiderate of me not to tell you at all.” I thought that was really disrespectful bcause like, they REALLY didnt know our situation at all, and i live on the third floor so if i needed something from the kitchen or something id have to walk past my ex because my ex and my ex’s mom wanted to be fucking friends. it was weird and rude and she would NOT budge on the idea of INVITING MY EX INTO MY HOME WITHOUT CONFIRMING WITH ME being rude!!!!!and then i started looking back, and likethis is one of the worst things, like a couple months after my dad died, i was like catatonic, barely present, sick with grief and majorly traumatized. and these people had me sel my father’s car, with everything in it, so that my ex could get a new car “to drive me around safer : )”...... now i have to BEG to get a ride down the street to baskin robbins unless someone themself needs something. i gave up my father’s car and everything inside of it for this, and they let me. at the time it hurt too much to look at but i wish with everything i could have what i left in that car. i will never forgive them for that. i have so  little of him and some of out favorite things were in that car and i know they knew that.ive mentioned moving out a couple times and they always say “well give 2 months notice!” done. i have. but they kept saying i needed to stay longer or convincing me it was bad to leave until the ex’s mom’s bf needed surgery and then now i cant leave till after january. i wasnt happy about this at all but i was like Okay well i guessbut then the other night, the ex’s mom’s bf (who has his own medical card) had the audacity to get mad at me for not wanting to get him a bunch vape carts from the dispensary i JUST got hired at even though id just bought a lot, AND HE WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE SMOKING!!!. he asked me a favor and i said i was uncomfy with it and he went fucking off on me. 

this is a little snippet. i know you dont know everything just from what im telling you, but what i can say i have done a TON for this family, and this is NOT the only thing he has asked me for, and i don’t know if the doctor prescribed him crack rock because all he does is sit in the living room and watch kill la kill. i was so disappointed in him because i thought he was least complicit and it turns out he hd some issue with me. i’ve done a lot for this family. it was really hurtful.since this i never leave my room, they rarely address me if i do or look right through me. the ex’s mom’s bf asked to speak once in a way that implied that he expected a sorry from me too. you ma believe this to be once sided, but i believe with my whole heart i have done not a thing wrong. i don’t want to apologize. it’s been about 5 weeks now i feel like and they have barely spoken to me. they laugh wildly downstairs and don’t feel even a bit bad that i never come downstairs. that i have to rush around to get packages. that i never use the kitchen or am anywhere near it (not that id want to be because its always stacked high with dirty dishes). my ex’s mom lost her job staying home too much from an illness that shouldnt affect her working since she works a desk job an all she does at home is sit on the couch, do nails, ply overwatch, watch safiya nyagaard and hang out with their friends. i never go downstairs because i feel like its not my home. also my ex’s mom’s bf walks around all hours of the night now so i never feel safe to go downstairs EVER so i ration water and food and when i go to te bathroom people jiggle the doorknob and i say IM IN HERE :0( and also my ex’s mom’s bf walks around puking with the door open  and blowing his nose (he did this pre surgery too) and i just am going crazy here i have to get out. they dont give a shit about me . i dont know if i sound entitled, but it really does suck but i feel so trapped. this isnt my house. OH , and when i sked about moving out ex’s mom said well if we all paid the same amoun it’d be [200 less] .  theyre using me and dont care and i hate being here and it’s making me really want to die. thank you, it kinda felt good to let that out

[endwalkr]

this is an ask based thingy but im really in the mood to infodump so im just gonna answer them all under the cut !

Favorite video game?

starting off with the absolute hardest question huh? i can’t possibly name ONE favorite game of mine because i adore my favorites for many different reasons. my overall favorite video game is ffxv or botw. ffxv because it has brought me so much joy for such a long time, and because i have such a connection with the characters. botw because i was actually in the fandom when it first got announced in 2016 so i got to be there when the hype was at an all time high– and finally being able to play the game after waiting for so long was an unforgettable experience. i have more favorite games but ill talk more about them in the ‘’special place in ur heart’’ question.

First console you owned?

my first console wasn’t a console. my friend and i used to play on her nintendo dsi all the time and at one point tiny little me reeeally wanted one of my own so i saved up and got one in [redacted] when i was 7. my first actual console was a wii though, we got that around the same time.

A game that holds a special place in your heart?

ffxv and botw mean the absolute world to me, but super mario galaxy and skyward sword are very important to me too. skyward sword is the game that got me into zelda which got me into anime which got me into final fantasy etc etc etc.  super mario galaxy was the first non-mini game collection and more adventure story-ish game i played. i was so proud when i beat it for the first time and mario was my first ever ‘’fandom’’ :’) 

Favorite video game character?

bro. i cant pick just one so i’ll choose one per game : prompto, ryuji and link. they were all my comfort characters at some point and i projected like crazy onto them. this doesnt mean that i wouldnt absolutely die for noct or zelda. 

Least favorite video game character?

i dont think theres anyone i distinctly dislike? i always talk about hating ardyn but that’s because he’s just a salty bitch. as a character i think he’s a great villain and i rly love him. i honestly always end up liking everyone somehow, maybe there is someone i just forgot about but i cant remember at all. 

Favorite genre?

adventure games, or action rpgs. 

Video game character you’ve had a crush on?

every character ever, but i distinctly remember the moment i fell in love with prompto sjghfkshd i was watching a playthrough of xv in december 2016 because i didnt have a ps4, and the guy got to the scene in galdin quay where the bros learn insomnia fell. i had watched about 6 hours of the game by that time and wasn’t particularly interested in the characters but not uninterested enough to drop it. i hadnt even gotten a good look at the characters faces yet, so when the camera zoomed in on prompto when he said ‘’might not be save for us here!’’ i noticed he had freckles. oh god. oh fuck. oh my god hes fucking cute. oh my god better watch 30 hours of this game now

First video game you remember playing?

wayyy before i got my own gaming systems, my then-best friend had a gamecube in her attic. i was around 5 or 6 at the time. whenever i was over at her house and we didnt know what to do, she’d sometimes propose to play ‘’mario kart’’. important is that we are dutch, and i was a literal child. i thought mario KART meant it was a fucking card game, so i always declined whenever she asked. on one fateful day, i finally gave in and was pleasantly surprised it was in fact not a card game, but a viddy game. so we played mario kart double dash. (…i had never played a video game in my life besides browser flash games and was Very Very bad)

Age you started gaming?

so i played my first video game that i didnt own when i was about 5 or 6. then i got my first supply of games at age 7/8, but i dont really consider that time to be when i started ‘’gaming’’. i’d say that was when i started mario galaxy, so i’ve been playing video games for real (ie. story adventure games with boss battles) for about 6 years now.

Hardest video game you’ve played?

this is gonna sound stupid, but the witcher 3. there’s like 7 difficulties and i played on the EASIEST and still had a hard time, i just couldnt get used to the combat. i had the same problem with assassin’s creed syndicate, but after about 10 hours i actually knew what i was doing, and ive played the witcher longer than that and still am clueless. this is kind of an unpopular opinion but i dont particularly like that game

Video game you’ve spent the most time on?

i guess i am what you’d call a casual gamer; i really like video games but during a normal school week i only game for like 2-6 hours. most of the time i dont play for like 2 weeks if im busy. gaming has kind of taken over my life not because i play so much but because i get so emotionally invested lol i’m currently on summer break and even now im not playing a lot because of exhaustion and executive dysfunction. this derailed slightly but the game i’ve played the most despite my casual gamer status is …. … …. ffxv. surprise, right? the runner up is botw, but xv wins by a landslide. 630+ hours. botw is 350. my main save in ffxv is almost 200 hours i think. damn. i really managed to keep myself entertained with that game… (………i was thinking recently, since the loading screens in xv are so long, how much of this total amount was spent watching screens. i imagine it’s several hours, especially if you fast travel a lot.)

Most embarrassing gaming moment?

many moments in my gaming experience are embarrassing, but a more recent one: i was in xv’s postgame, beating some dungeons on my new save file. i had just finished daurell caverns and hadn’t saved in about 2 hours. (uh oh) i was driving around in the regalia type d and got to the big cliff near lestallum, and remembered someone made a gif of jumping in there so i wanted to try it too. i imagined the game would just put me back on the road, like it does when you crash into something. except it didnt. i got a game over. where was my last save? 2 hours back all the way in hammerhead. yippee.

Scariest video game you’ve played?

i never play horror games, cuz for me games are supposed to be relaxing experiences. no hate towards horror games of course, they just stress me out. the only time ive played horror is when friday the 13th was for free on ps+, and my friends really wanted to play it. (theyre kinda addicted to it now. huh) they had already gotten over the initial fear of having jason chase you, but i was still terrified. i can play the game without getting scared now tho. the horror sound effects just rly freaked me out at first jhsdkghsd

Most memorable gaming moment?

playing breath of the wild for the first time, or beating it for the first time. both experiences were filled to the brim with excitement and nostalgia. seeing botw as a blank slate, a world for you to explore, having no idea where you’re going… that was pretty incredible. now i know every nook and cranny of the map, so i wish i could play it for the first time again. i was so incredibly immersed. beating it was insane. i cried for 30 minutes and the end wasnt even sad, i was just so amazed at the fact that i was really here, playing breath of the wild, it was really real. the fucking main theme in the background (which i cannot for the life of me listen to without crying) didnt help with my emotions sgkdjh

Video game character you wish you could meet in real life?

…………..its prompto again. maybe 2017 me …. was .. kind of a kinnie

PC, Xbox, Playstation, or Nintendo?

i dont care about console wars at all, but i think hardware-wise, pc is the best, because if you have a good pc you can basically do anything. i however do not, so i just play on consoles. ive never particularly liked xbox, so i only play ps4 and nintendo. not the switch though. its kinda petty, but my best friend and i really dont like the switch djghks

Gaming company you’re most loyal to?

none. i used to call myself a nintendo nerd (oh my god…. i m. gonna die) in like 2015 but since the switch came out and since i got a ps4 they kinda lost me. i still like their game series of course, but as a company i don’t care for them. the only reason i see square enix as one of ‘’my’’ gaming companies is because ffxv took up like 70% of my gaming experience, but besides final fantasy i don’t really love them too much either.

If you could only play one video game for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

atm i’m really into ffxiv because theres just so much to do, but that’s just a new, possibly temporary interest. if i had to choose, i’d say botw. maybe i’d say ffxv, but i feel like running around doing nothing in that game isnt very fun, because the world is sorta empty after completing every quest and getting to level 120. in botw, just fucking around on your horse is still really relaxing and nice. 

Do you use strategy guides?

yup. in certain games i try to avoid them but i usually end up stuck or in need of advice. i couldn’t have gotten so many p5 trophies if not for the internet lol

How often do you use cheats?

never, simply because the games i play often do not have cheats. unless im playing the sims and are in need of a motherlode, i dont use them.

Competitive or single player?

single player. im bad at video games and like to do stuff at my own pace. online multiplayer can be fun every now and then in games like mario kart 8 or splatoon, and i also like teamwork stuff like ffxiv or comrades. but ultimately, i prefer playing on my own.

Video game character you want to/have cosplayed?

have never cosplayed, dont have plans to either, but it would be fun to cosplay link. omg. i just remembered i have that fucking chocomoogle shirt… sorry link im gonna slap on some sasuke hair, black jeans and ugly sneakers 

Ever go to a video game convention?

i have not, i have however gone to three (3) video game concerts which is basically the same thing. 

Hardest boss fight you’ve been in?

the hardest bosses for me are usually the ones with a gimmick. you have to use a certain item or tactic to beat them or something. other hard fights for me are when you fight someone with a similar skill set. (in ffxv, this happens twice, once with the iggy-noct sparring match and once against ardyn. somehow, the final boss was easier than getting the prince to eat vegetables.) i don’t know an actual example of THE hardest boss fight ive been in though. at the time, the first bowser battle in mario galaxy was the hardest thing in the universe and i got stuck for like a month. currently, i’m having trouble with the riku-ansem fight in kh1. 

Video game you wish you could burn from your memory?

the zelda cdi games? no, i dont really know. i dont hate a game so much that i’d want to forget about it altogether, but i dont exactly love ocarina of time that much. it hasnt aged well and playing it on the gamecube for the first time in 2015 wasnt a good idea. im sure it was revolutionary at the time, but i cant handle the outdated controls gsdgksjs 

Favorite gaming series?

see, i love ffxv itself more than the entirety of the zelda series, but i dont love ff as a SERIES more than the zelda games. so if were talking series, zelda for sure. i fucking love those games and they mean a lot to me. 

Do you skip tutorials, or find them useful?

i often skip them because i cant pay attention, but then find that i need them anyway. so i usually do skim through them. 

Best online gaming experience?

one really good one happened a few days ago in ffxiv, some guy and i exchanged emotes for like 30 minutes and it ended with us becoming friends on psn :’) ppl dont usually emote back at me in that game so this was really wholesome and nice gjshksdj 

Worst online gaming experience?

i dont really have a worst? theyre more annoying. think try harders in gta online killing you 15 times in a row because they want to show you how good they are or something. magically, online gaming hasnt been too hard on me (mainly because i dont game online that much)

Why do you game?

it brings me joy. it’s a fun way of relaxing, while being stimulated at the same time. games have meant a great deal to me the past 6 years and i wouldnt want to lose them for the world.

[velvet-apricots]

harutemu replied to your chat: Me, lying seductively on the floor of SCP-049′s...

SCP-AFN

Item number: SCP - 4932 - J

Object Class: Keter

Special containment Procedure: SCP-4932 is to be kept in a 6 m x 3 m level 5 secure humanoid cell. Cell is to contain one bed, several shelves for figure collection, one gaming laptop with no internet access, one handheld gaming device, a tv with blue-ray player, comfortable chair, a desk, dresser for clothing, and vanity for make-up. SCP-4932 should also be provided with art supplies to keep it entertained and prevent breakouts. Games bought, and possible subsequent “mods” added must be approved by Dr.██████. SCP-4932 should be provided with an appropriate diet and made to exercise for 30 minutes once every other day to combat obesity. Ignore complaints. Once a week it may eat what ever it likes for a whole day, within reason. Subject is allergic to Penicillin and all penicillin related products.

After incident on ██/██/██ SCP-4932 has been grounded and is not allowed to play video games for 3 months.

Description: SCP-4932 is a 28 year old caucasian human female of 150 pounds and stands at 1.5 m. She has light brown hair. Despite insistance on being called ████, SCP-4932 shall be referred to as number only. She is friendly and talkative, tending to over explain and ramble about things. She also makes jokes, and enjoys puns. Her humor is generally crude or fatalistic. Despite her friendliness, the nature of her abilities means she is to be kept at Object Class Keter.

SCP-4932 has the ability to break out of, and into, SCP cells of any level of containment with out jeopardizing the containment procedures of the other SCP. She appears to only target other SCPs she deems attractive and will attempt to flirt with them. SCP-4932 does not care about the danger involved, citing that “Either they [REDACTED] me or I die. Either way I win.” It is to be noted that SCP-4932 is not suicidal and simply uses fatalistic humor common with those in her age group.

SCP-4932 seems to have the ability to sense a SCP that fits her aethstetics and is drawn to them, and has knowledge of them. She is avoidant on the subject of just how she gets to them.

SCP-4932 seems to be uncharacteristically lucky with her meeting of the SCPs she finds attractive, as instances have yet to react negatively to her presence despite multiple break ins to meet them. Even those which have in all instances of previous contact seemed single minded in their destructive goals (See Incident Report). Testing is required.

Addendum 4932.1: Discovery

SCP-4932 was discovered in SCP-049′s cell on [REDACTED] laying on the floor and insisting she was ‘infected by the pestilence’ and needed to be treated with a ‘special injection’. Her tone indicated she actually meant she desired to [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. SCP-4932 was fortunate to not be deemed infected by SCP-049, who in turn seemed oblivious to her seduction attempts, politely telling her she was mistaken. it is unknown how SCP-4932 knew of the ‘pestilence’. 

SCP-4932 was contained as a D-Class personel, but broke out and infiltrated the cell of SCP-2662, again attempting to flirt. SCP-2662 was relieved that for once it was not being harassed by would be worshipers, and seemed mildly surprised a human would desire to [REDACTED]. (Please imagine this part is in pictographs, i dont feel like drawing them myself right now) SCP-4932 was elevated to SCP status when she intentionally summoned SCP-2521 by describing it verbally, and then saying flirtacious things to it once it appeared. SCP-2521 seemed to recipocate, however, it did not abduct her like it had the previous D-Class personel ordered to describe it. It is unknown how she knew what SCP-2521 looked like, or why she was not taken. (thats all fot the pictographs)

Addendum 4932.2: Interview

Interviewer: Dr. ██████

Interviewee: SCP - 4932

Dr. ██████: So, SCP-4932-

SCP-4932: My name is ████.

Dr. ██████: its simply procedure to refer to you as such.

SCP-4932: Uh... Okay. Listen. I get the vibes I’m going to be staying here a while so, think you can go to my house and get my things? I live in ███████, California. I can give you my address if you want. I really want my Transformer figures and my-

Dr. ██████: Your level of amenities depend on how cooperative you are, I’m afraid. Now tell me, why are you here?

SCP-4932: Oh well, I heard that you guys keep things here. Like, monsters and stuff. Robots too, maybe?

Dr. ██████: I’m not at liberty to disclose what-

SCP-4932: I will take that as a yes. Any way, I just want to date a monster... You know? Something not human. Ive always been drawn to that, ever since i played ████ ██████.

Dr. ██████: What is that?

SCP-4932: Its a video game. I just love ██████. He is my favorite. I’m like, head over heals. I know its dumb cause he is not real but I can’t help it.

SCP-4932 suddenly gets a bit emotional, sniffing a few times and wiping her eyes

SCP-4932: Sorry I just remembered the game. Always makes me emotional. I like it so much, you know?

Dr. ██████: Why were you interested in SCP-049? Where did you learn about it?

SCP-4932: I like plague doctors. I think the whole get up is pretty attractive. As for where I learned about him, I’m not really sure? I just know. Like i just knew about this place. And how I know about uh.... SCP-4932 attemtps to pantomime but soon gives up and looks embarassed.

[END]

Interviewer’s note: SCP-4932 devolved into awkward rambling and would not answer anymore questions after this, preferring to ask for advice and talking about ██████. After interview was ended, SCP-4932 apologized saying she tends to hyper-focus on things she is interested in and hoped the next interview would be more productive

Addendum 4932.3: Incident on ██/██/██

A lighting Storm on ██/██/██ resulted in an instance of SCP-060-Alpha. SCP-4932 inexplicably appeared in the area despite the large distance between Site ██ and the grove, and tried to flirt with Instance SCP-060-Alpha. She had acquired a high grade flame retardant suit from an unknown location. SCP-060-Apha quickly seemed to grow aware of her intentions and seemed incredibly confused to the point its rampage stopped. The confusion allowed for personel to nullify the entity. SCP-4932 seemed to find the confusion cute stating that “i don’t think anyone has ever reacted in a way other then terror. How sweet.” 

It is not know how she broke out of Site ██. Containment procedures are the be elevated and SCP-4932 is to be reprimanded and have her laptop taken away to discourage further breakouts.

[theday]

i forgot to copy andpste the rules fuckjdjh anwyay taged by @younghyuuns and @pupcats :D thank u guys for tagging me i havent done this in ages

tagging: @minhyukwithagun (just saw ur new icon ffuck) @briwoon and @tokayhk u guys dont have to tho ily all oh also @hyunghoney and @hyungkyunnie and @minhyukt suddenly im tagging everyone u guys dont have to do it either ily toohdjh

last:

drink: water hddhh im so happie to hear everyones answer is water too stay fresh

phone call: ................ oh my mum i was gonna say i dont call ppl but she called the house phone yesterday

text message: ‘what’ jhddsjhjhsh

song you listened to: beside you by 5so/s im wheesinghs falen kdhs

time you cried: really cried??? january on a thursday aka last month i broke down in school djhhsjh schools the place i cry the most i couldnt go through one month without breaking downdjhdhs every year i have 2 cry there at least once apparently jesushdjs

have you ever:

dated someone twice: i havent even dated anyone once

been cheated on: see above

kissed someone and regretted it: see above

lost someone special: immmdmfmmdkks i guess not? in terms of friends they were special but not anymore so i guess that doesnt count

been depressed: nope

been drunk and thrown up: in this house we only drink water

in the past year have you:

made a new friend: heck yeah? i made so many good pals after revamping this blog im so happie :( 

fallen out of love: no lol i stopped having this crush on this person at the end of 2016 best decision of my life

laughed until you cried: one too many times but i cant remember any ;-/ 

met someone who changed you: falen?? but everyone has an effect on mehjd 

found out who your true friends are: well . yeah

found out someone was talking about you: idk i dont rememberjhdhjhs i dont care enough

general:

how many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: only karissa and she doenst even use tumblr much ;-/ 

do you have any pets?: i wish i did D: but not now.. jsjd maybe when im out of this country/place

do you want to change your name?: ifjkksj not rly..??????? i just hated it for a while when i was younger bc i didnt like the nicknames that came with my namejhddh

what time did you wake up this morning: 11am fuck my life

what were you doing last night: giffing :D and then i gave up bc it started messing up so i went to bed

name something you cannot wait for: school to start bc im excited since its a whole new jhhdhsh thng? but im also terrified im learning physics theres a reason why i took biology instead man my course is called biotechnology nothhjjhhjjhsjhhf physics dont interact 

have you ever talked to a person named tom?: the only tom i know is tom from tom and jerry

what’s getting on your nerves right now: the gifs 

blood type: a emoji

nickname: when ging said her answer i lost my mind how many of you arent using ur real names tf... does ging stand for ginger also this question is about me hold onfjdhhhjshd uh egg and meggan i guess? nutfucker toojhdjhhjdh bc that was my ig name so irl ppl would call me that and embarrass me thanks or just nut because of that username too

relationship status: never dated thank god

zodiac sign: capricorn sun and taurus moon im the .optimum dirt call me soil hdjsh also i showed ayesha my chart and she lost her mind saying the reason why i say oh worm so much is bc im like 50% earth i couldnt stop laughing tumblr install a filter search function in chats i need to dig that up 

pronouns: she/her

favorite show: haikyuu i aint gonna stop loving u bitch

college: idk what this means either im not gonna tell yall my school im gonna be doing biotechnology tho trust me i dont know what the fuck that course is about im a fool all i know is that it has to do with cells [changkyun voice] well its cells

hair color: black but i like to think its brown

do you have a crush on someone: crushes and the whole. love game is cursed 

what do you like about yourself: i learn... from my mistakes i guess idk also im generally friendly .         ...

firsts:

first surgery: none

first piercing: none im a [redacted] 

first sport you joined: fucking. golf or swimming or tennis i used to be all about sports now i just. walk 

first vacation: probably malaysia

first pair of sneakers: converse which i used to deem as clown shoes ... now all i wear are converse dkhhdshj

right now:

eating: amylase 

drinking: nothing i need to drink water im thirsty hold on stay hydrated if ur reading this drink some water

i’m about to: pee i need to go, 

listening to: spotify ad time hates me. ill go back to this later oh wait this isnt a spotify ad anymore scavenger by finish ticket who r they? idk either my friend recommends me songs and theyre good but by bands ive never heard of

want kids: no iwnt animals

get married: marriage ? sounds phake

career: ive been saying this since 2016 but farmer

which is better:

lips or eyes: i hate myself i read lips and thought of l** m*nhyuk ;-/ singularity’s impact! and nojhhsjjhdh idk? fucking both i guess ??????? i dont look at peoples faces often

hugs or kisses: depends on the kiss but i love huggingjdhjhd i dont think. id be able to hug certain people tho? which is weird im fine with likejhdhjsjh hugging this person (usually happens when we’re watching movies bc djdkjjs im a [redacted] again so i have to hide my eyes) but i cant imagine myself.. hugging my other friendshjhdh??? idk itd be awkward ig 

shorter or taller: taller ! love me that height if ur below 165 cm dont talk to me

older or younger: older ???? or my age idk 

romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous im always like this with my friendsjhfhjhdh me: hey lets walk there instead my friends: ready tof ucking kill me

sensitive or loud: a ? a mediudndjs like... an in between 

hookup or relationship: preferably nothing but relationship of coursehjhd

troublemaker or hesitant: an inbetween jjdshjshd?? idk shit lads

have you ever:

kissed a stranger: nope

drank hard liquor: drank sparkling water once it counts 

lost contacts/glasses: no im so blind they always have to be on my fucking face 

sex on first date: sex never . 

broken someone’s heart: yeah but when i was kid so it probably didnt mean much 

been arrested: iddjsh i was gonna joke but i cant think of anything so no

turned someone down: jhdhhdjs yeah but mostly like hangouts?? hdjhd not like dates and shit 

fallen for a friend: let me think the first girl i liked wasnt a friend but when we became friends i was like o womrie nvm but she did help me realize im Not straight as did tumblr which even tho i constantly insult it helped me a lot fjdhjhs but my two crushes after were on my friends ;-/ my first crush unfortunately on a guyddhhs wasnt my friend either tho damn now u guys know my whole backstory :D

do you believe:

in yourself: sometimes bitch has 2 get those grades man

miracles: yes you (love live) please come home........ ... .... 

love at first sight: dam. was gonna talk abt anime again but hjhdhshj no ? i guess not maybe like wow ur attractive at first sight but thats it

if u read until the end thank u ur the realest have a good day!!!!!

[californiadreaminghq]

Oh good, you made it!

Did you guys know Joss was coming? She brought Lowell Crane, The Hurricane! And just on time! Grab a drink, find a spot, and make sure you finish everything on thechecklist. The band is just getting started – you have 24 hours to send in your account! We’re so glad you’re here!

                                       I. OUT OF THE STUDIO

NAME/ALIAS: Joss

AGE: 32

PRONOUNS: She/her

                                                II. ON STAGE

NAME: Lowell Crane

FACE CLAIM: Henry Cavill (first choice), Chris Evans, Dan Stevens

AGE: 35

TITLE: The Hurricane

DREAM: Lowell wants to be a Somebody, but is too afraid to try again

OCCUPATION: Owner of Daredevil’s Bar

                                              III. INTERVIEW

Answer the following questions in your character’s voice:

If you could do anything in the world for a living, what would it be?

“Well, ain’t that a question. Not sure how to answer that. I could say I wanna be a lighthouse keeper, or a park ranger in Antartica. Or an astronaut. But that’s not really an answer, is it? Cuz nothing’s holding me back from, well, maybe the lighthouse keeper, and the rest, never gonna happen, and maybe I wouldn’t really like it anyway. Be a trip though, floating in space. Can’t imagine anything else feels quite the same, except maybe acid. I could say I wanna hit that perfect note, and it rings like a bell inside your chest, and everyone else is hitting it too, and you all just float in that perfect sound as long as you can. But I don’t think that’s really a job description. Or I could just say fuck it, I wanna be a rock star, cuz isn’t that what we all want, at least a little, if we’re still here? Can’t imagine a reason to stick around otherwise.”

If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?

“Vietnam. I know, not the ideal vacation spot. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna go full Jane Fonda or anything. I went to some protests and sit-ins, but I can’t even claim I was that invested. That’s fucked up, right? If you fight for something, you should at least have conviction. Not like I’m pro-Nixon or anything, but I just … it was what everyone else was doing. And people liked to listen to my songs. What bullshit. I was cribbing off Dylan half the time anyway. We all were, but it doesn’t exactly make you proud, you know? I was running around playing flower child the whole time, and Mick was off getting his ass blown up in Khe Sanh. Or God knows where, everything was redacted, so fuck if I know. You know? Sorry, I can’t answer a question to save my life. Probably why I’m here and not an accountant like Ma always wanted me to be.Vietnam. I wanna go to see where he was, before he got sent home in a pine box. He was just a kid, he was supposed to be the smart one, he was supposed to get out of Texas and come see me and I was supposed to be his impressive older brother. Fuck, I sound like a bad country western song. Ignore me.”

What is one thing that makes you different than anyone else?

I can eat 50 eggs. (Author’s note: this is a reference to Cool Hand Luke, a 1967 film which in many ways encapsulates Lowell’s aesthetic and ethos. He’s also just a huge fan of Paul Newman and if he had any acting talent whatsoever, he’d want to be him.)

                                              IV. BACKSTAGE

Lowell Crane grew up in the unusually average town of Ding Dong, Texas, an hour outside of Austin. He was the first boy, the second child, and grew up singing in choir and learning to play the guitar, though admittedly he was hardly dedicated to the pursuit. It wasn’t until he hit puberty and discovered girls that musical talent became something he valued. Though he was born in Holland, he was often told he had ‘all-American’ looks, and even spoke Dutch, his first language, with a soft southern twang. He didn’t really consider it a career, but liked playing at parties and joined a band with his friends on a whim. They were just good enough to get to tour parts of Texas, and Lowell caught the fame bug. By the time he was in his early 20s, he wanted to take it further. As it so happened, he had a cousin in California who invited him to come out and stay for a while.

The California music scene was a hard hit of culture shock for Lowell, and he bounced around different bands, never quite fitting in, never really making a splash with anyone, but continuing because people said he had talent. He joined a band, The Lonely Boys, who were in need of a guitarist, and they toured for a couple of years before breaking up because nothing was happening, quite discouraged. Lowell took a plane to New York just in time for the Summer of Love, and all of a sudden, he was a flower child. Somehow that alchemical magic happened and he took off. He had a recording contract with a big name, he played at Woodstock, he was going to be another Bob Dylan. Then he got the news his younger brother, Mick, was dead, and simply … dropped out of his own life. He was just another broken person left behind by the hippie movement, and it took him until 1972 to drag himself back to something like normalcy. He ended up in an ashram in Southern California getting clean and seeking enlightenment. He got clean, but as for enlightenment, all he got were the keys to a dive bar in Los Angeles that one of the new converts no longer wanted.

Lowell has spent the last year building up Daredevil’s Bar as a venue for up-and-coming musicians, and it’s now one of those places where you “pay your dues” in the rock scene. People even say some of the big name studios scout there sometimes. Lowell is just the owner and the guy behind the bar who can tune your guitar, help you break down your setup after a show, and who only occasionally has to threaten the crowd with a baseball bat when they get rowdy. He’s still putting the pieces of his life together, and he’s aware on some level that his music career is done, but he can’t quite give it up. He’ll provide backup guitar for any of the bands doing shows at his bar in a pinch, but he doesn’t perform by himself at the bar, though sometimes he will hit up a late open-mic or jam with the few friends he has in town, or the odd person who remembers who he used to be.

                                                  V. ENCORE

Headcanons:

Lowell can play by ear and can play a song if he’s heard it once. He isn’t as good at remembering lyrics and will sometimes make up his own if he can’t remember them.

The last name “Crane” is an anglicized form of Krane or Krahn, which is Dutch. His family fled Holland after the war. Lowell’s parents lost most if not all of the rest of their family during the war. The effect on the Crane children of being the children of survivors has left the family split between those who strive to be as American and unobjectionable as possible, like their parents, or those who reject their parents’ attitudes and seek to be as unusual as possible.

Lowell is the second of five children, with three sisters and one brother, Michael Crane, now deceased. His sisters are Emmeline, Virginia, and Dorothy. Emmeline and Virginia are married and live in Texas, Dorothy currently lives in upstate New York on a commune with her female lover, and is estranged from her family, other than Lowell, who lived with her during his period of “dropping out”.

Lowell’s favourite food is peanut butter, and he eats it straight from the jar, to the consternation of his family and roommates over the years, as he often double dips the spoon to lay claim to a jar.

Childhood music: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DWSV3Tk4GO2fq?si=qDmRsNAZS9-XTnB27Abs0Q

Playlist reference/requests that Lowell will play: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DX504r1DvyvxG?si=7xvqYDnBSxmyQ5WxX5He-w

Voice reference: Lowell sounds similar to, and his songs resemble, those of Nick Drake.

[darrycurtises]

hey fam, do all of the aesthetic asks

thanks sun goddess ily

Flower Crown: when did you last sing to yourself

yesterday bc i always sing in the car, i think it was me putting “starman” “here comes the sun” and “ticket to the moon” on repeat the whole way home

Fairy Lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

i’d like to know what the world will be like in like a century bc i worry about the world i hope she’ll be ok

Daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life

well i’m a seventeen yr old and not even one of the cool ones that compete in the olympics so its either like UH starting college @ 16 or being published in an official writing anthology

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to your mind, recent or otherwise?

last year when i went to busch gardens w my sister n my mom and i got to hold a penguin named Turkey ON MY LAP i have pictures to document this (i was chubbier back then tho no judgment)

Matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you’re now living?

yeah i wouldn’t be fucking living in florida and going to school id be using whatever money i could to travel overseas, and then i’d go on a big crosscountry roadtrip 

Black Nail Polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

not an official one, just vague “i’d like to do x someday” things

Moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

yes absolutely

Stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

last week i went to a funeral and i cried so much they got a picture w me sobbing in the background

Plants: pick a person to stargaze with you, and explain why you picked them

my best friend tomas probably because he’s the only person who wouldnt make fun of me for stargazing

Converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

BITVH NO LMAO I DONT EVEN TALK TO MY FRIENDS !!

Lace: when was your last three am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

again, tomas, my best friend. about 4 days ago?

Handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one more person, what would you say and to whom?

oh man i dont even know

Cactus: opinion on brown eyes?

i have them and i love them. got my brown eyed angels all over the place. i know like three people w not-brown eyes 

Sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally

Oil Paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

[Redacted]

Overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

id get new cars for my sister and mom bc theirs are v old like ten minutes to start and cough like a smoker old, and id pay my mom’s house off, pay off my sister’s student loans, deposit a lot to my grandma who’s living in an expensive nursing home, donate 2 houston, put away more for my college, lots of stuff

Combat Boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

Yes and yes

Winged Eyeliner: write a hundred letter word to your twelve year old self

I don’t need 100 words I just need to tell her to shut up, stop eating so much, try being friends w the girls you don’t like, they were actually nice, you’re not as funny as you think you are save your words for later and think before you speak. Also, thanks for attaching our self worth to our school performance, this isn’t sarcastic, its turning out really well for scholarships

Pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

Leaning more towards pastel, but honestly the most accurate thing would be primary colors/

Tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I like them but not on me

Piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

I usually do a quick face for school, but if im in the mood then I like to do the most just because im a teenager and im living in a time of really weird fashion and this is the only time in my life where I’ll be ballsy enough and free enough to buy and wear green eyeshadow. You think that’ll fly when im 30 w a 9-5 job? I think not. Lemme get it outta my system now, while I have ~~~being a teenager~~~ to blame it on

Bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

This is gonna sound really depressing but I don’t believe in love bc of the avett brothers song “January wedding. He was so in love with her when he wrote it and for years I was like “this is love theyre so in love” and then bam we get the true sadness album and January wedding gets followed by “divorce separation blues.” Who can be that in love with someone and then just. Stop. I don’t get it, love isn’t real.

Messy Bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

This is too much pressure

Cry Baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

Ive seen the avett brothers 3 times and they were amazing every single time, just wowowow I got the “fuck it,  im standing up and singing” mood. Ive also seen boston and foreigner, which were also fun, but mostly bc of the 50 yr old stoners in the crowds.

Grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

My papa, and I’d like it to say [classified] and maybe I’d like him to say [redacted].

Space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

I have a permanent set up at the kitchen table from august thru may, and its perpetually in disarry.

White Bed Sheets: what is your night time routine?

Face mask, hair care, moisturizer, vanilla tea, set up the coffee maker for the next morning, pack my book bag, pray, bed.

Old Books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

I’d like my mom not to know that she’s kind of annoying to watch movies w (it’d break her heart shes so sensitive aw) and id like my dad not to know where I live

Beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

I have dyed my hair I went red for a bit but now its brown. Id never do anything that require I bleach it bc I love myself and wont do that to my head

Eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

Id take my mom, sister, my friends [classified], [classified], and [classified] to new york w me so we can do horrible cheesy touristy stuff, and then I’d have them go w me on a cross country roadtrip

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

If I tell u my wish it wont come true

Painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Its gonna be this year’s ive already perfected the make up im gonna be a mime and its amazing

Lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

Literally nothing ive never gotten high bc it seems uhhh not fun, but ive gotten a lil drunk before (I don’t like to drink bc it makes my head hurt and it’s a lot of calories) but I get sad id be a sad drunk so I just cried.

Thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Anything thatd harm a person/animal. Never kill, never maim. If u handed me a gun and said “shoot a deer ill give you a million dollars” I couldn’t do it. If I had to break someones arm for a million dollars I couldn’t do it.

Storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

Song, bc I love people, ill just listen to a podcast while I run I guess

Love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love.

Not really, only a little bit of an “I’d like to love them” sort of thing

Clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

Im a girl and id never rock short hair bc I don’t have the jaw for it, and I like my long hair to make my jaw look sharper

Coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

I just get iced black tea bc starbucks coffee is ass, and id trust my mom. Not my sister or my friends bc theyd get me sugar in my tea instead of unsweet w honey

Marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

The things my life has revolved around for years lmao my loved ones and school

[hellcatchvalley]

2, 5, 15, 18, 28, 43!

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?

yOU COULD NEVER MAKE ME CHO- it’s pocketwatch lbr, i love that depressed boy, kinda wish i hadnt put him in a Barovia™ campaign of all things but oh well LOL my girl nobilia is a Closesecond though

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?

im tempted to say pocketwatch again but hjdkflgh probably nobilia this time ‘cause i’m Very proud of her backstory and want people to know about it lol 

15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?

i literally made ryn pw’s mom’s middle name ‘cause i talk about him So much to her HJKDFLG but other than that not very often ‘cause i Play with any of the people who’d actually be interested and thus amstuck in [redacted] hell

18. Any OC crackships?

OH MAN ive never thought about it but bootjack and nobilia would be Quite the pair holyshit LMAO dirtbag cowgirl who admires dad meets noble fiend warlock who committed regicide and patricide in one go: date 

28. Your most dangerous OC?

PROOOOOOBABLY nobilia considering whatshe initially did with her pact but vesryil WAs a god so it’s a toss up

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

they literally are all unable to Not make puns and this is mostly my fault HJKFL:D BUT theyre also alwayssarcastic ‘cause, again, me

[meme-and-askbox]

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

1. What is you middle name?     Rae, and I don't hate it as much as I did when I was younger.  In fact, if I ever get published, my pen name is going to be Rae (redacted).

2. How old are you?     43, physically.  Emotionally, 3 or 300, given any particular day 3. When is your birthday?     15 October. 4. What is your zodiac sign?     Libra, and boy, am I ever. 5. What is your favorite color?     Purple, black, fushchia, aqua. 6. What’s your lucky number?     Don't have one.  I don't have luck. 7. Do you have any pets?     I have two.  Fucko and Harpo.  Actually, they're cats, named Sam (Samhain Murray) and Maggie (after Maggie the Cat in Gargoyles) 8. Where are you from?     North Carolina.  Lil bit outside Charlotte. 9. How tall are you?     It says 5'7 on my license, but.  It's probably more like 5'5 10. What shoe size are you?      Ladies 11 wide, Men's 8-9 depending on the shoe. 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?      5.  Two pairs of Sketchers, a black pair I keep for funerals, a pair of suede ankle boots, and a pair of Harley Davidson biker boots. 12. What was your last dream about?      Roxy the pink police poodle.  She's a recurring dream, and I'm working on turning her and her handler into a novel. 13. What talents do you have?     I don't suck at writing.  I have pretty phenomenal reading retention; I can't tell you page numbers or anything, but I can recall that I read article X, and in it, they said A, B, and C.  I'm good with most non-reptile animals. 14. Are you psychic in any way?     Occasionally I have dreams that come true later, and I get odd flashes of deja vu, in that I'm certain I've done this before but I don't quite remember when. 15. Favorite song?     At the moment, it's "Glitter and Gold" by Barns Courtney 16. Favorite movie?     Sleeping Beauty. I can watch it a million times. 17. Who would be your ideal partner?     oh, oi.  I have no idea, because I don't want a partner.  I guess my ideal would be someone who had the same interests as me, and who didn't mind being either fucked off and left alone, or attended to every whim as the need occurs.  I'd honestly like to have someone to talk TV/Movies/Books with, have a cuddle every now and again, then fuck off to your own thing. 18. Do you want children?     Fuck no.  But even if I did, I couldn't have 'em anymore.  All the lady parts got surgically removed in my 20s. 19. Do you want a church wedding?     Do you WANT me to combust on the spot? 20. Are you religious?     More than I'd admit to, but less than my fam would like me to be. 21. Have you ever been to the hospital?     For myself?  Yes.  For someone else?  Yes. 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?     Do speeding tickets count?  Cause I had a couple. 23. Have you ever met any celebrities?     I have!  I used to hit the Star Trek convention circuit pretty heavy and I met most of the TOS cast, and the TNG cast too.  My favorite is John deLancie. 24. Baths or showers?     Showers, please. 25. What color socks are you wearing?     White with purple toes and heels. 26. Have you ever been famous?     Christ I hope not. 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?     I'd like to be a Stephen-King level celeb, but not much more. 28. What type of music do you like?     80s and 90s.  I tuned out of music around 2000. 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?     Uh, yes. 30. How many pillows do you sleep with?     5.  Three for my head, one between my knees, one tucked under my hip. 31. What position do you usually sleep in?     On my side, but lately it's been 50%-50% side/belly. 32. How big is your house?     3br, 2ba modular home.  So maybe 2000-ish sq ft? 33. What do you typically have for breakfast?     I don't.  I hate breakfast.  But because I take insulin, I usually scarf down some yogurt or Lance crackers. 34. Have you ever fired a gun?     Yes.  I enjoy guns even though I don't really own any.  My uncles both have/had huge collections, and I got my love from them.  But I know myself well enough to know that with my temper and my past suicidal tendencies, having a gun in the house would not end well. 35. Have you ever tried archery?     Nope 36. Favorite clean word?       Fudgin'. 37. Favorite swear word?     Fuck.  It's so versatile. 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?     48 hours. 39. Do you have any scars?     Quite a few. 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?     Not a real one.  I thought I had one for awhile in high school, but it turned out to be a joke some of the guys on my bus route played on me. 41. Are you a good liar?     Depends on the subject.  In the small things, yes.  "Does this make my ass look big?"  "No, of course not."  But on the big stuff?  No.  I don't lie well. 42. Are you a good judge of character?     Nope.  I'd like to think I am, but I have a string of disastrous ex-friendships and relationships in my wake to prove that I am, in fact, a shitty judge of character. 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?      Not convincingly. 44. Do you have a strong accent?     Some people say I do.  I don't hear it, but then, I'm surrounded by it. 45. What is your favorite accent?     British, Scots, Irish, Spanish, Greek, Italian.  In that order. 46. What is your personality type?      INFJ, if I remember right. 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?       My Harley boots. 48. Can you curl your tongue?      Nope. 49. Are you an innie or an outie?     Innie! 50. Left or right handed?     Right.  My dad was a leftie, though 51. Are you scared of spiders?      Nah, not really.  If I see one, I just burn the house down and go about my life.  Yes, I'm terrified of the little ELFs. 52. Favorite food?     Chicken and rice.  Cook the rice in chicken broth, simmer the chicken in with it, throw in a can of cream of chicken soup, stir, simmer until hot, and serve.  Best thing EVER. 53. Favorite foreign food?     Chinese.  Cashew Chicken, Orange Chicken, Sweet & Sour Pork 54. Are you a clean or messy person?     Messy.  Cluttery.  Two Steps Away From Hoarding.  Take your pick. 55. Most used phrased?     Some variation of "fuck."  Lately, "fuck me." 56. Most used word?      See above, re: fuck 57. How long does it take for you to get ready?     If I'm showering first, about twenty minutes.  If I'm just getting dressed, about ten. 58. Do you have much of an ego?     I'd like to say no, but yes, I do. 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?     Suck, baby. 60. Do you talk to yourself?     Sometimes I'm the only one who listens to me. 61. Do you sing to yourself?     Constantly, especially in the shower or when I'm cleaning. 62. Are you a good singer?     Fuck no. 63. Biggest Fear?     Snakes. 64. Are you a gossip?     Sometimes, especially with my besties. 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?     Backdraft.  "You go... we go!" 66. Do you like long or short hair?     Shooooooooort. 67. Can you name all 50 states of America?     At one time I could.  But thanks to Yakko Warner, I can name all the countries of the world. 68. Favorite school subject?     Creative writing and physics.  I failed physics at the time, but I can tell, now that I understand most of it (thank you, Mythbusters!) that I would have loved it. 69. Extrovert or Introvert?     An extroverted introvert.  I don't MIND being around people, but I really would be happier with my own company.  But, when I am with other people, I am gregarious to the point of obnoxious. 70. Have you ever been scuba diving?     Nope. 71. What makes you nervous?     Practically everything. 72. Are you scared of the dark?     Nope.  Not since I was like, seven. 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?     They don't call me Grammar Nazi for nothing... 74. Are you ticklish?      I refuse to answer on the grounds it might be used against me. 75. Have you ever started a rumor?      Nope, but I've certainly helped pass them along. 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?       Yep, I used to be manager of my office.  Hated it. 77. Have you ever drank underage?       Yep. 78. Have you ever done drugs?       Nope.  I don't like needles, and I don't have the cash. 79. Who was your first real crush?        Wayne E.  He looked so handsome in his ROTC uniform, and he was always nice and friendly with me and my BFF JC.  We both had huge crushes on him, but he was a few grades ahead of us, so I don't think we registered except as friends.  But that was okay. 80. How many piercings do you have?    Four.  Two in each ear. 81. Can you roll your Rs?     Thanks to Sra. Iglacia, yes.  Took her two whole semesters, but she got the whole flaming lot of us Southern kids rolling our Rs. 82. How fast can you type?    80ish WPM, last time I took a test. 83. How fast can you run?     I think a snail outpaced me. 84. What color is your hair?     A nice chocolately brown, with highlights trending a little auburn. 85. What color is your eyes?     Cornflower-type hazel. 86. What are you allergic to?     Mobic, IV contrast dye, Ciprofloxacin, medical-grate latex, ragweed and oak pollens, dumbasses. 87. Do you keep a journal?     Not in a few years, no.  I stopped when my dad died, idk why. 88. What do your parents do?     My dad's passed away, but before he died he was disabled, and before THAT, he was a computer systems programmer and analyst for Piedmont Natural Gas and Bank of America.  Mom's retired and disabled now with back problems, but she was an LPN before that. 89. Do you like your age?     No.  I hate being a responsible grown-up.  I want to be ten or eleven again, old enough to know things, but young enough not to be responsible for anything other than basic chores, and I still got allowance. 90. What makes you angry?     Practically everything, at some point.  My family puts it as I have a wild hair across my ass and it'll go off anytime. 91. Do you like your own name?     It's not a bad little name, but I always liked Daphne better. 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?    Fuck no.  Ugh. 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?     NEITHER.  I want cats.  or dogs.  or fish.  or a bird, I think I could love a bird.  or a turtle. 94. What are you strengths?    I'm loyal to a fault; if you're my friend, I am always in your corner and I will 100% throw hands with the first motherfucker who looks at you wrong. 95. What are your weaknesses?    Impulsive, careless, stubborn 96. How did you get your name?     My Dad's uncle (Kelly) and my mother's father (Ray became Rae).  Can you tell they were expecting a boy and got me? 97. Were your ancestors royalty?     Christ, no.  They were poor Irish. 98. Do you have any scars?     ...didn't we just answer this?  Yes. 99. Color of your bedspread?     Flowered. 100. Color of your room?    White walls, burgundy carpet.

from @evilwriter37  and @marcymakemagic

[ru-ruu]

ITS STILL PRIDE MONTH!!!

……and Im still gay……

So lets keep this momentum going shall we?

  Last post was my young gay life so guess what? This next one is all up and through the teenage years……y’all ready?

Aaliyah (The Red Album)

Picture it, the year was 2001 on an August day in Trenton, pre-teen Ruu is once again in a heated argument with his mother. But during the intensity a silence was broken when the death of Aaliyah popped up on the screen. The world stopped, the chaos stopped, everything was still. I dont think we created audible sounds until we went out and purchased the Aaliyah album a few days later. It was impossible to get past track four (More Than A Woman) I didnt discover the other side of the album until months later. Fast forward to those months, that were later, and I’m still plopping it into my beat up Ice Blue radio and this time Im letting the music play with no interruptions. It was this album that made me appreciate the smoothness and the visuals a song could give. It’s Whatever made me love Erykah’s Green Eyes and Mariah’s Underneath The Stars and Fourth of July. The edginess and pseudo rock sounds made me appreciate Janet’ Trust A Try. Oh, how does this fit into Pride Month?…..How is this instrumental in my Gay Growth???? My young chubby gay self was still in front of the tv, knowing all the choreography to Rock The Boat and getting my life pretending I was her…….

WHO GON POP ME??!?!

  Floetic

Rudy in his high school years!! Nobody told me that I was going end up at a gay ass high school….and thats no exaggeration. That place was 70% gay and nobody really cared. I’ll refrain on telling y’all the name but if you know…YOU KNOW!! Anyway, VH1 Soul and the Neo-Soul genre was really kicking off. Erykah, India, Angie, Dwele, Bilal, remember that movement? When it seemed like black folk were walking around smelling like chocolate, looking like African fertility statues?  Everything was just so..BROWN?!? Ok so that was me…I was soul brother Rudy to a few. But back to Floetry.  I think it was Say Yes….I heard it on the radio….105.3 of course. I fell in love with the song and then I forgot about it. I believe it was about 4 months later that I found the bootleg copy of Floetic in our entertainment center or the WAAAWWLLL UNIT as my mother would put it (she’s so charismatic at this point it’s sickening). I put it in and did my new music ritual, Have it blasting as I play through my video games. If I can beat the entire thing in one sitting then….IT’S GOOD! Well I ended up beating more than half of Final Fantasy X In one sitting so it was ok.

My people please read these next series of words in the voice of Cher from Clueless

Now somewhere in the close future I befriended a lesbian and we were like best buddies because we loved the same type of music and we even tried out for the talent show we were going to perform Getting Late but then something happened but I just knew at some point in time I was the gay hipster kid and she was the obvious lesbian that I hung out with…..

Still with me? Ok Good! MOVING ON!!

  High School was really the years that the mix CD’s started popping off so I was just giving *REDACTED* some money to make me mixed jawns…..and yes i said jawns guess where I from!?!?

  Metropolis: The Chase Suite EP

At any rate we can jump to a specific pivotal moment in my music taste development. It was 2007/2008ish and I was riding in the back seat of my friend Malitta’s car, she had some dirt ball….I mean her current boyfriend was in the front seat or whatever. She put in a random blank CD from her big 50 album case that was under her seat. Now….my friend Malitta is a little special case bless her heart, so what I’m about to tell you is the type of mess that she would always do. It was late at night like around 11 I think  (she had a curfew so it was probably a little earlier than that) but it was dark out! She had a brand new 2007 VW Jetta and it had the best sound system Ive ever heard. We’re driving down JFK and she turns to a specific track and says….”You ready love?!?” Im just in the back like…..

So she turns the volume all the way and starts blasting Many Moons by Janelle Monae and she starts screaming at the top of her lungs. Like I said before, My friend Malitta is a special case…bless her. Between the booms of the bass and being knocked all in the head with wind….she rolled all the windows down too…..I could hear a melody that was so odd yet familiar. It was a twisted take on a Sesame Street song (if you can remember what it is let me know, I don’t feel like googling it). It was odd and it intrigued me, fast forward 10 years and im finally going to see her perform at Afropunk! Im a fandroid for life

Oh a gay tie in……..well now she’s an entire lesbian so there ya go! PYNK!!

  Maxwell’s Urban Hang Suite

So, like, looking back, we were some depressing kids….and now I can admit that. Malitta, Shondell and I were 17 and 18 at the time just riding around Willingboro and parts of Philly blasting Maxwell, Jill Scott Erykah Badu, Miki Howard, Earth Wind and Fire, The Ohio Players, all of them. I loved it, it really was a MOOOOOOD thinking back. We were so mellow yet so chaotic. But anyway one day we went to Target like we usually did and bought some CD’s just for the hell of it. But I think we go this CD specifically for the song Whenever, Wherever, Whatever. The three of us could sing together effortlessly, it was kind of scary (when people knew the words…). We would just jump on a song Malitta (The Operatic Soprano) Shondell (The  ManAintNobodyGotTimeForAllThatHollerin’I’llBeAnAlto) and me (The Whatever Was Needed) and we’d just mend. But as I said before we used to always listen to music that was mellow or some Old School album and that set my path for my taste in music. That was the final moment! Im going to spare y’all with the moments we all had listening to Lonely’s The Only Company.

Aaannnddd we’re gonna end it there before the tone gets too macabre. You can say my friends turned me into a music snob….HEY THAT RHYMED!

  HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!

TSO: My Gay Life Part 2 The Gayness Cont….. ITS STILL PRIDE MONTH!!! ......and Im still gay...... So lets keep this momentum going shall we?

[survivorathena-allstars]

Episode #11: “I Love a Good Heist” ~ Will

It fucking worked and I want to redact everything bad I just said.

i'm none of them saying anything to me yet and I'm also me not seeing this coming when Will was all of a sudden not in favor of the telling duncan to idol plan lmaoooo gg

is no one going to message me!! i am so freaking upset right now and i kinda just want to explode but really no one is going to try to justify themselves to me, i'm a little disappointed tbh and i got to learn how to win a fucking immunity for once 

AMANDA AND HER MOTHER ARE ICONS I JUST GOT MY SECOND IDOL, I DO NOT DESERVE THIS

I'm so mad right now I want to SCREAM, why the HECK did I get that many votes, something isn't adding up and I'm just so frustrated. Also who made me the glee parchment, if you're reading this TELL ME it was the only thing good about tonight I am really just SO DONE WITH ALL THESE SNAKES. I'm being so extra right now but these people make me want to throw my laptop into the road. 

Cameron told Emily to vote Duncan :) We love a snake within our alliance :) I love a good heist :)

emily is a queen again btw, I love her

i don't know why i'm so salty

HOLY CRAP WE DID THAT! Duncan didn't play his idol and I'm literally crying. We killed one of the biggest threats in the game. And I was behind it. What. the. fuck.

fskhjf god the lady at the dining hall asked me how i was and on the outside i was like "good" but on the inside im like "playing virtual editions ofr trash reality shows on the internet with strangers I have never met has left me feeling like i want to cry bc ppl lied to me have u ever been lied to how did u get over it and also can i please have some chicken nuggets" jesus and then someone talked to me and i didnt know how to respond bc i was having an EPISODE in the dining hall it's fine this is fine ________________________________________________________________ let the ass kissing begin

I'm gonna confess tomorrow, but I have become aware.... of some shady stuff, and am now in a really good spot... or at least I think I am

OH MY GAWD NO IDOL PLAY. ARE YOU MCFUCKIN KIDDING ME!? I dont want to say that I am large in part why Duncan is @ Ponderosa right now BUT WIG WOW IS THIS THE BIGGEST MOVE IVE EVER MADE IN A GAME OR WHAT. ALSO i'm here for weasel discourse: [1/11/18, 10:48:07 PM] Dana Barry: because clearly we both bein sneaky weasels [1/11/18, 10:48:54 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): kfashj who the bigger weasel [1/11/18, 10:49:01 PM] Dana Barry: OWEN PLEASE [1/11/18, 10:49:12 PM] Dana Barry: LETS NOT COMPARE WEASEL SIZES [1/11/18, 10:49:15 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): OMFG [1/11/18, 11:12:14 PM] Owen (Crossroads Host): I’m gonna go eat now I’ll be back later [1/11/18, 11:31:53 PM] Dana Barry: pls eat my weasel friend ________________________________________________________________ https://vine.co/v/hWVwWE6UFqa/embed/simple Me when the people of this game give my dumb ass power and I crave more because I'm a goblin. 

This was recorded before the vote im SORRY im a flop 

It's time to strike at Owen. He's onto us. We're making big moves left and right, and he knows that we're going to get targeted as threats soon if we're not careful. He said we have to get rid of Ruthie and Kevin, otherwise people are going to start thinking about taking them to the end. Of course, that's my plan. I think I want to sit with Ruthie and Ali/Dana at the end. Will, Emily, or Owen would surely beat me. I'm here, masterminding moves, deciding whether or not someone easy goes home, and someone is going to target me soon. My idol can only save me for one round, and I need to make sure it's a good one. Lily was a good move. Duncan was a better move. Owen could potentially be the best move. Then I know my core four is completely loyal to me and only me. This is my ideal boot list now: Owen (10th) Ashvika (9th) Kevin (8th) Zach (7th) Emily (6th) Will (5th) Dana (4th) And then a final three of Ruthie (3rd), Ali (2nd), and myself (1st!) That's all. Love you. It's time for me to go focus on winning again.

Boy I'm mad. Duncan was the one person who I could put some trust in--and even then there wasn't much--and now he's dead. Now I feel like my game's already gone through the gutter and there's no hope left. Shoutout to Ali and Cameron specifically for both telling me "Oh yeah I'm sorry for not keeping you in the loop at the first vote, I promise I'll do it this time?" Then, what did they do? Not that. I'm...mediocrely okay with Ali because like Ali's nice and a sweetheart (actually I'm kinda mad at Ali because I pm'd him asking what happened like immediately after tribal and he never responded even though he's talked multiple times in the tribe chat...wig). But Cameron??? This is the third time. We've voted together once, at the Madison tribal, even though you've told me multiple times you want to work with me. I was okay with being 'left in the dark' with the Lily vote because I wasn't actually in the dark. I feel like this was a chance for him to prove his word to me, that you do want to work with me. This was the chance to make or break my trust. And both times I've come to him before the vote and he's basically said 'oh yeah it's still this way like we said haha.' And then??? It isn't lmao. Like if you don't want to work with me, cool! I understand that the game rolls out that way! But don't come to me with fake promises then, saying you want to work with me, only to actually vote with me 3/4 times. At some point no amount of apologies will make up for your actions. I don't know if I've reached that breaking point, but it's getting close. I get that I started the merge on the wrong foot, and that I should've voted Lily instead and sticking with Ruthie was a mistake. I know I got myself into this mess but I'm just annoyed and frustrated. I've been perfectly honest with everyone about who I'm voting for each round, and I get silence and vague responses in return. If I feel mad enough tomorrow I might try going for Cameron since he has an idol. Or at least like throwing his name around and spilling that fact. But who knows who knows he has an idol though. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, I might get home which I honestly wouldn't be super upset at this point and I would get to be a bitter juror too! 

I love Dana

I am an Owen stan again too, I love him. I need to confess more, because it might be big move season this round, but I also don't knowwwwwww. AHH, I hate this yikes. I just get scared by Dana/Will/Cameron as a grouping, with Zach and Ruthie is already 5, which is scary

i have realized i'm quite irrelevant in this game and basically out of the loop without duncan because all these supposed idols that everyone has keep popping up left and right. i feel like my time is coming soon 

"Who do you trust the least" "Who is most likely to flip on their alliance" "Who is ruining their own game" "Who is at the bottom but doesn't know it" "Who is going to go home for being the biggest threat" "Who is going to be blindsided by their alliance" literally they wish they were as relevant as me huh ________________________________________________________________ Actually though, I am going to make sure every one of these comes true. Let's see here.... "Who do you trust the least" "Who is most likely to flip on their alliance" "Who is ruining their own game" "Who is at the bottom but doesn't know it" "Who is going to go home for being the biggest threat" "Who is going to be blindsided by their alliance" Flipping on my alliance? Easy. If they insist, that's what I'll do. I will reallllly make it clear that they were right in trusting me the least :) And! They'd better hope! They take me out! For being a "threat" because if they do NOT, I am going to make sure each and everyone one of them is GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They better not feel comfortable for even one second bc if there's one good thing to come out of this, it's that I no longer feel comfortable at all and hopefully me playing on edge will end up better for me. I just had an hour long call with Ali and we basically like....discussed everything. I don't know if I can trust him, but I sure as hell can't trust my alliance to take me to the end, so what have I got to lose? I told him I know about his idol, which I think was a move to hopefully get him to open up to me. And he told me that the merge idol has been taken from the shore. I'm assuming Emily, Ashvika, Cameron, or Ruthie have it bc they searched there before Ali. Ashvika I straight up asked and she said no.... I have a bad feeling Cameron is sitting on two idols rn and I don't know if I can handle it. But I was like.... idk I said a lot of things to Ali and I meant them. He said he felt like he didnt have a number one, and I told him we could be there for each other. He has a spot in my final three now whether he believes it or not and I would gladly sit at the end with him at this point. But we need numbers and we need a play. It feels so soon to try to flip on will dana Cameron but like..... If we wait until next vote to idol someone out, and Ruthie/Zach are glued to them, then at final 8 it would be four on each side (assuming I can get emily and ashvika to be with ali and I, and Kevin leaves at 10 which idek if it is happening). So that makes me think like....okay so maybe a move needs to happen at 10 that puts Kevin, Emily, Ali, Ashvika and I in a majority? But it's so fricking risky bc idk if they're going to come after me or come after Kevin or Emily or....idk. It's going to be rough as hell. But I'm ready. I don't know if I'm going to win this season, but I sure am going to try my hardest to change it. ________________________________________________________________ (On the other hand I love Dana, Wil, Cameron, and Zach as people so idk I'm stressin mad rn.)

Here's my long confessional like always explaining the events of last round and then the progress for this current round. So last round was just a mess. I brought up to Dana the night of immunity results (congrats Will you freak) that Duncan is a threat. He has an immunity idol and a hideout advantage, if we don't do it at 11, he'll be free till technically final 8 without being targeted. In addition, it limits our options down the line. Dana agreed and said it wasn't bad, and ended up running to people with this idea without crediting me. Grrr. It's fine. Dana, Will, Cameron all excluded Owen in this plan and I believe think they orchestrated it themselves when in reality it was kind of my idea but they pushed it forward so it's whatever. I called Emily in panic because I didn't want to exclude her and little do I know that Cameron already informed her of the decision before I finalized mine. In the end, Duncan leaves 8-3. Post-vote, I am trying to reestablish any trust I have with Ashvika. I can sense she doesn't trust me which is completely reasonable and fine, but I am wanting to work with her. Kevin is irrelevant but I want to talk to him and form a good connection with him. Now, this vote. Cameron was my target. Will talked about how he wanted Cameron out to Dana who obviously relayed that information to me, and I think Owen was fine with doing it too. I am also trying to formulate connections with Owen despite the fact that he knows I blatantly lied about the Duncan vote and all. However, Cameron won immunity, so good job to him. This means that my target probably shifts to one of two people. First is Kevin. He's kind of an easy vote, a person who wasn't really around and is definitely the most inactive. If we need an easy tribal, it's him. Ruthie's another easy vote but right now is not her time and I genuinely love her, but I do enjoy everyone so I can't use that. I'm not sure how likely this option is. I think I could get it rolling if need be. My second is Ali. This is just because recently i've felt really distant with him. I think I can trust him, yeah, but from what I know Owen is fine with him leaving and it's like... yeah. I think Ali should go relatively soon. If the votes are on him i'm most definitely going to vote him out unless i'm frightened of an idol play. I am honestly kind of scared of the alliance consisting of Cameron/Will/Owen/Dana + Ali. It's like... they're turning on each other briefly. Cameron is rubbing people the wrong way, which I love him and all truthfully, but he is kind of aggressive with dominating votes and spearheading decisions, which I think is ending up biting him in the ass. I truly think he'll be one of the next couple of votes. Ali is like the alliance's +1 so if they can vote him out, i'm down with that too. Ashvika, Emily, Ruthie, and Kevin are kind of on the outs of that alliance (with me of course) but more distant than myself. I need to utilize those bonds to kind of renege the major alliance cause I don't feel like being cut near the end. No ma'am. So having Ali leave this vote, then Cameron next vote, followed by Kevin leaves a final 7 of Ashvika/Ruthie/Owen/Zach/Dana/Will/Emily. In this scenario it's like... it gets hard. I want to work with Emily, but there are so many people here that are such strong contenders. Owen, Dana, Will and Emily are all phenomenal players, and i'd love to consider myself amongst those people too (PARTICULARLY IN THIS GAME! NOTICE THAT I LOVE THEM ALL AND THINK THEY'RE ALL GREAT BUT IN THIS SPECIFIC GAME THAT'S MY VIEW ON STANDINGS). I don't want to be goated, which I potentially could be since i'm acting weird and dull this game, so maybe I could swap Kevin in the final seven and drop another big threat, like Ashvika or Owen. The people who I trust the most right now are Dana and Emily. I trust Owen to an extent, and I really like talking to him. Ashvika and Kevin and Ruthie are just meh, I don't trust them. Cameron is to a degree but he's sketchy. Will is just... ugh MSDGLKDSG I love him I think he's so funny but he probably hates me. Ali is trustworthy but I feel like that's relative amongst all. I really don't know who i'd like to sit against in the final three (or two but likely three). I've reached my goal of jury and 100 days so i'm content, but I want to win. I think my best chances would be against Ruthie and Kevin, but I don't know. Dana needs to go soon too. Like, maybe final 4-7 is when i'd love to see her leave because I bet everyone views me as her bitch and sure, I kind of am at the moment, but that's partially strategy. Everyone thinks i'm her +1 so to those that like her, i'm safe. They know they can use me. Then to others, i'm the weaker of the two and therefore they have no valid reason to target me unless they want to weaken her, in which case bye bye. This game is so complicated and votes are NEVER decided until last minute which is bothersome but kind of fun. I think I have a high chance of leaving at this upcoming tribal truly, or at least receiving votes, so i'm excited to see what's to come. Hopefully i'm still here but if now, it's been a great season and i'm glad I got the chance to return and hopefully make y'alls slightly proud wooh!

Okay lots to confess I wish I confessed earlier in the round so I wouldn't have so much to recount. So anyways, the Duncan vote happens, and it still makes me sad. I will never understand why he felt so betrayed by me and kinda continued to throw my name out there because I wanted to go far with him. Also I called with Emily after the vote and I already knew at this point she leaked me idol (which Emily *why*). I dont understand why everyone felt so betrayed by me, when I was trying to loop everyone in? It doesn't make any sense. Anyway, I called with her and we seem good again, and I do want to work with her moving forwards. ________________________________________________________________ I spoke with Ashvika and explained why I voted Duncan, and I think she is the person I wanna work with most now, like Id love to go far with her, because I am an Ashvika stan. Touchy Subjects was very interesting, Will guessed me for a lot of the negative game ones which suggests he doesn't have much faith in my game and I got who does everything think has an idol, blind to manipulation, who is gonna need to be apologised to, who is getting blindsided. Lots of very scary ones. So... I'm nervous. I'm also nervous becuase I called with Owen yesterday, and as normal, I said waaay too much to Owen, and while I wanna work with him going forwards, I also think he could easily say what I said to LWD and get me out. ALSO IN OTHER MC'FREAKIN NEWS: I HAVE ANOTHER IDOL. AND NOBODY IS EVER FINDING OUT. I am using the fact that everyone says I leak stuff (because I do) and "leaking" that shore 23 is empty, so that nobody thinks I have it. I wanna use the other idol soon, so nobody thinks I have one teehee

Okay the gag is Duncan and I apparently got found out or were suspected or something so congrats to them for sleuthing successfully but also according to Ali people thought Ashvika and I were close??? Which??? Isn't true??? I hardly even know her??? sjlks Anyways I love these Touchy Subjects answers they make me feel really good about myself. I basically threw the challenge because I didn't feel like I had a good chance of winning anyway, and I'm not really in the position to offend anyone lmao which is evident by the answers. Apparently people trust me the least even tho...I've told pretty much everyone who I'm voting for in the last round. On an exciting note people want to vote for me tonight! At this point just take me out of the game and catapult me into the sun. I'm ready for it. The one person I wanted out of this game won immunity so. I don't know what my plans are but accepting death seems like a good idea right now.

This jury is literally gonna be pissed at everyone so I need to start doing whatever I can to make them think we're close, that we're friends. I'll talk to Kevin about Netflix, I'll tell Ashvika she's a queen, I'll give Owen a backrub idgaf but I need to make sure Cameron looks worse than I do. None of them think Ali's done anything, and Dana...they think she's cracked too. The only person I'm okay with beating me is Dana and that's that.

Something good happening at tribal council? For once there's even a possibility. After chatting with Owen we're trying to start something. Him Ashvika and I all voted for Ruthie last round, so if we stick together that's 3, and we're hoping for at least 5. Our best bets are Emily and Ali. I have no idea if this has a shot of working tbh but I feel like tonight's all or nothing. Unfortunately we can't get Cameron. I tossed around Dana or Zach's names to Owen but like, whoever Ali and Emily (or whoever we can get) want to vote, we'll vote. I don't know how solid the majority alliance is, or who's in cahoots with who, so this is a very...fragile, could-break-at-any-moment plan. If there's any way of convincing these two, the Touchy Subjects answers show that they're not safe if they stick with that side. Time to actually talk to them though and see what's up tho ahhhh ________________________________________________________________ I told Ali Duncan said Dana said Cameron had an idol. Ali revealed that he voted for Duncan because he was telling people Ali told him about the idol. Ali then said to me "I knew he was covering for someone it must be Dana." The gag is I honestly don't know if it was actually Dana skdkdkf I remember her name in the conversation we had but like??? But if it convinces Ali then it works for now

Why did I put Owen to be blindsided by his alliancE? bc I’m his alliance And I’m gonna blindside him

So Owen voted for me not Emily hmmm Maybe he was the one that made the pretty glee voting thing What’s that paper called again? Omg yes parchment 

I’m really scared for this tribal. Owen, Ali, and I have made an alliance and are talking about voting with Kevin and possibly Ashvika. I want to pull in Zach and maybe Dana, but the problem is,,,,, Owen and Ali and Kevin want to vote Dana. I want Dana to stay. I don’t know why. I think I’m just bein gay. I want Will out tbh. And I would’ve wanted Cameron if he wasn’t fucking immune but NO of course I have to be HORRIBLE at tie breakers!!! I’m really shocked by some of the things I got in touchy subjects like wtf man. You’ll enjoy voting me out? You wish you had gotten me out pre-merge? You have to apologize to me after this game? Interesting. This is one of those Touchy Subjects results that I realy wanna take notes about. Usually I don’t take them too seriously but I’m #offended. Ugh I really want to work with Zach but I’m scared of Dana and him being a duo sort of like how Lily and I were a duo I guess? Ugh. I don’t know how to like,,,,, get around that. There’s a lot to figure out about this vote. But I think we can get something going. All I know is that I’m not really feeling like voting for Kevin tonight. ;-) we’ll see what happens

I am LITERALLY a rat and I feel guilty but if this works out then it's fine. I'm fine. Everything will be fine. I need to keep people in this game around me and I'm gonna take heat for it and Cameron might idol me out but like....oh well. ________________________________________________________________ Basically the pieces came together, Emily Ali and I made a chat and we all like fkshd worked on getting Kevin and Ashvika on board. Emily thought she could play a vote negator to make it 5-4 but she cant use it yet SO instead I was like ok I'll try to get them to split the votes somehow and both Will and Dana suggested it anyways kfadsjh lmao so hopefully it's like..... 5-3-2 tonight. I wanted it to be Dana at first bc if it does somehow tie 5-5 I felt like Ruthie would flip and vote Dana but not Will, but maybe now Zach would flip and vote for Will idk probably not. Also I still love Will :'( this game will feel weird without him but he's a huge threat. So is Cameron and Dana tbh like everyone is lowkey trying to press their own agenda and I think they're getting weary of one another but....idk. I feel like I need to do this now bc it'll be me actually taking things into my own hands rather than Kevin leaving and me relying on dana or will wanting Cameron out whenever they decide. I wish Will didn't have to go and if this all blows up on me then fine but like...yeah. god. ppl are gonna be upset with me, wigs all around ! ________________________________________________________________ THE ANGEL ON MY SHOULDER IS CRYING BUT THE DEVIL ON MY SHOULDER IS LAUGHING im so ugly i cant wait for this to go wrong and then ppl laugh at me for being an idiot when they read my confessionals after ________________________________________________________________ Lowkey it seemed too easy to get will and dana to want to split the vote and now Ali has disappeared too? I feel like Ali spilled and now theyre all just gonna vote for me but if thats the case then oh well I was never gonna win without trying to get trust in people

STOP STRESSING ME THE FUCK OUT good bye dana barry .

Finally a vote where I know what’s happening and the people that control everything... don’t. I’m excited! My first blindside where I’m on the like... right end? Wow. I love taking matters into my own hands. Will made an Azores alliance and I feel HORRIBLE because I’m voting him out this round lmao. And Cameron made an alliance with Will and Cameron and I just GOD at his is going to be hard because I could be ruining some potential allies... but also... who cares? I’m making a move, y’all! If it doesn’t work out, then so be it. But I’m putting my trust into Owen, Ali, Ashvika, Kevin... people that I really didn’t expect to work with all together but I’m thankful nonetheless. I’m also thinking this group of five is good because Kevin, Ashvika, and Ali will be easier to beat in the end? I think? Idk. I’m trying to think ahead as much as I can, and weakening Cameron & Co. is the first step to that. I feel guilty but this is what I have to do to win. It’s All Stars, Emily! ALL STARS! GET UR HEAD IN THE GAME!

I made an alliance with Will and Emily. I want Will to think he's my #1. He's not. I told them we're winning. We're not. Well... they're not. me: this alliance is winning Me: knows that neither of these two can make it to the end

Kevin is voting me yikes.com. I'm getting idoled out yall and it has been fun. Ashvika and Kevin have idols and I get majority = HELP ME PLEASE AMERICA. I'm on call with ASHVIKA and she says THEY ARE VOTING OUT WILL. WHAT DO I DO PLEASE. AND APPARENTLY IF THEY DONT VOTE FOR WILL THEY ARE VOTING FOR ME. If this is all a scare tactic.... it sure is working!!!! More to come later I have 20 minutes to entirely flip this vote ladies. Mama IS staying tonight know that!

OKAY SO! I voted for Ashvika. Why? Well, two or three reasons. 1. I've voted in the majority. Every time. I can't do that. I will become a target and I want to look like I'm being bobo the fool. 2. If someone (Ashvika) plays an idol on Kevin, it burns her. Also, it protects us (Me, Ali, Dana, Will, but the latter 3 because I'm safe) in the event that someone does idol Kevin. Also, I'm so glad I won immunity. It's a bad time for me personally and this made everything easier. Thank you, survivor gods. Thank you.

kevin and ashvika couldnt keep their mouths shut and now I'm getting idoled out. it's been real xoxoxo

I'm literally about to go home, but at least if I do I was able to crack the code and see it coming first. Kinda like Margaery in GoT, she saw it coming but she was just a little too late to stop it. ________________________________________________________________ Well I mean like I called it so y'all aren't as slick as you thought, there just really wasn't anything I could do. I got outplayed by snakes who were willing to throw away the last ounces of respect I had for them, but like I would've done the same and just been more respectful about it. And if you think writing "I hope it's a tie" in your voting confessional absolves you of anything you gotta like...use your brain sorry, if you don't want someone to go home you don't vote for them - it's not that hard! But it's been a fun game and this isn't the last of me (sorry if you wanted it to be). Cast me in your games more often I'm fun!!! xoxo

Will becomes the 11th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 5-3-2 vote, and the 3rd member of our jury. You can see Will’s preseason interview here.

[theday]

tagged by @ikyh and @younghyuuns ill be doing both sets !! :D thank you both for tagging me!! this got long so yall dont hav 2 read <3

ru?? rushee’s set!! me: wow ru does not sound like rushee at all ? djsjdhhjd im dumb but i realize now

i. do u believe in astrology? whats ur sign and do u line up with the features usually attributed to it?

fucc... i guess i do ;-0...... and yeah i think?????? like they say capricorns are cold bitches and funny nd im like ya thats me... but they also say we’re hard workers and im like uh.. dont know abt that karen !

ii. what’s ur favorite pair of socks?

bbbbbbb..... socks huh...... i guess my ankle ones? there are also socks that have actual designs on them and those r usually thicker.. keep my feets safe! most of them have pkmn designs bc.. yeah... love the poke mans

iii. what’s a food that reminds you of a specific moment/memory?

i could think of anythiing and get reminded of one situation if that makes sense.. but i thought of pineapple..pizza... anyway the memory isnt anythngn special its just me staring at my delicious hawaiian pizza..... at my favourite pizza place.... love that shit

iv. what’s the longest you’ve gone without sleeping?

i dont have the actual hours but the latest ive stayed up.. like willingly would be until 2am

v. how has ur taste in music changed throughout ur life?

went from 1d to 5so/s + other bands to utaite.... they cover vocaloid songs ig i never kno how2 explain what utaites r then 2 kpop.. but i still listen 2 bands + kpop and utaites.... so nothing much has changed ive just gone broader.. wider... expanded my tastes... 

vi. who’s ur fashion icon?

oh definitely kim wonpil

vii. what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done without realizing?

i breathe dumbass particles.. i cant think of one bc my brain probably blocked off all access to my horrifying past but ive been thinking abt how i used 2 send the boy i used 2 like 1d songs....................... 12 y/o old me rly thought. he’d listen.... 12 y/o me thought spamming him was a good idea glad ive learnt from that! 

viii. what’s something you want to brag about?

my grades but it didnt get me into psychology so nvm ! its still good though i didnt expect to get an A1 (hghest grade) for combined humanities since ive had a B my whole life without it i wouldnt be able to move on education wise lmao so thank god for that thanks cambridge thanks bell curve sunbaenim 

ix. when you imagine urself being happy in the future, where exactly are you (like the location!)?

oh definitely an apartment somewhere where its always windy and the curtains are always Moving and the sun just Shines in the room but its not that hot either its just full of warmth and yeah thats the dream maybe also walks in the park without having 2 worry abt sweating my pits out u kno! tldr anywhere but here

x. what’s something you’ve always wanted to own?

let me Think.... i dont need a lot/?? but id love hm.............. i want stability but realistically i want all the hh pcs from the code albums. 

xi. how’ve you been lately?

good good! i finished my *** fic and its. im proud of it though i know its not that good nd i can do better but its done ! and hm i could be going to see mx but asking my mum is stressing me out speaking of her she wont stop Coughing and she refuses to see the doctor ;-/ love those sleepless nights ! other than that i just want 2 get out and feel the sun ???/ wanna get out of this house yea but i need to be.. shady with my money i cant get a job because school is starting in a month and im going overseas again sometime next month so ! no ones gonna hire someone who can only work for 2 weeks at most dhzjhhs shouldve worked when i had the time dumbasses only

ok now falen

1. what’s been on your mind??

hm redacted feeling towards my mum but i cant say them bc itd be insensitive 

2. what are you looking forward to? 

mx? possibly but also finishing my enrolment papers

3. story time!: how and when did you get into day6!!!!!

fuck...... listen up LADS. 

ive told the same story like 10 times but im never gonna get tired of saying this shit bc i love miss boxy so much nd she deserves the appreciation anywy she introduced me 2 day6 after i saw this one (1) picture of brian in minion glasses and instantly i knew in that Fucking moment thatd id die for him. so i asked for the name of my murderer and was introduced to day6 whom frankly id never heard of b4 bdjhjh she sent me all their mvs and i still remember the night . i remember walking out of this japanese restaurant, twitter open, chat wiht boxy there and i was like.. interesting ill go listen when im home so i Did! and my mind was blown away bitch? i honest 2 god expected them to be a boy group,,, dancing and shit yknow? i didnt know k bands existed ! so as a previous 5/sos stan i was like wow. this??? this shit is 10/10 a fucking BANGER thats what i felt listening 2 i smile and just going :O over the fucking instruments so idk if how can i say was the last or second song but Damn. .. it made me scream thanks mister j** he rly dragged me by the collar of my shirt and threw me face first into Heaven so i watched everything i asked my friend for video recommendations and after boxy sent me a page with their face and names i was like this jae kid is 182 cm? wow gotta stan now im stupid and stupid for glasses and tall people so ! it happened bithc,, ugh i lov eday6 so much i remember binge watchng all their vlives after the july after party live (that being the first vlive i watched Ever in my entire life and i laghed so hard despite not understanding a damn thing) please id giv my heart and soul2 day6 im so happy with the way ive progressed as a myday :^( 

bonus when i first started stanning it was 26th june and shortly after i made a stan acc teasers were being dropped but i didnt kno why ppl were freaking out i remmeber seeing jae’s teaser nd going ? ok? its just a pic damn ;-/ and then eveeryone was like: dowoon! choker! me: wdhs? what

4. ????do you have any allergies????

did u think of jae and no i used to be allergic 2 dairy products but thats disappeared

5. a fond memory???

bowling with friends and im just a disaster of a friend im always so loud with them and i thank god everyday that they handle my energy ? i would cheer for them even if they got a gutter or whatever and when they got a strike id go clap like crazy i love my friends i also went i have the power of god and anime on my side before flinging the ball and theyd laugh despite not knowing what vine that was from i love my friends... psg if ur out there yall are the best x i miss hanigng out with them as a trio.. three of us :( 

6. do you paint your nails?? if so, what are your fave colors to use?? if not, why??  

thats so.. tiresome.......... dont u have 2 wait for it 2 dry and shit ? my mums always worried abt ruining the colour or some sht nd im like !!! okY!!!!!!! tldr its a pain in the ass

7. what are your favorite colors?? what are your fave colors to wear??

i like hte colour of the sky... all the colours........ yeah love that bithc and lately ive been wearing a lot of black shirts finally went out of my embarrassing colourful phase ! 

8. what languages would you like to learn?? for what reason(s)??

japanese nd korean jp because i listen to a lot of things in japanese and korean for the same reason but my priority would be jp even tho id love to communicate with my faves i just... yeah although im not exactly making an effort 2 learn bc im lazy but if i Could.... itd be those two

9. when you get stickers, do you use them or do you keep them??

DHDGFHDHDGDSJHJSJAKSSJHFHS THIS FEELS LIKE A CALL OUT???? i keep them......... 

10. are there any groups that you might get into/want to get into?

hm... well theres knk ive learnt their names and im finally able to put name 2 face so thats nice svt too if htey didnt have such large numbers... thats all for now i think?? i love evry girl group though i love gIRLS... 

11. how are you???

idk im constantly just fine?? not the im sad but im fine kind of fine im literally just neutral half the time wjhddshs wild 

both of your questions were really unique and i loved answering them thank you so much for tagging me and if youve read until the end thank you i hope you have a good day!