#only did 5 because I didn't have too much faith in them..

[teallicht]

I tried to make cookies for the birthday boy...

[celaenaeiln]

“always an angel, never a god” and making it about the robins with batman is heartbreaking and all but have you considered:

the robins to the previous robin.

robins 2-5 looking at robin 1. the hero worship, the love they have for dick grayson. they want to live up to “the golden boy” “the golden standard”. they want to make him proud.

but dick grayson himself? he looks at batman, in his eyes he doesn’t live up to his mentor. sure he thinks he’s good, but it’s not like he thinks he’s the best. to himself, he isn’t “the golden child”, he’s not “the golden standard”, there’s too many mistakes, too many sins, to make him view himself the way others view him

“always an angel, never a god.”

Anon are you providing a sample? Drop the album!!

Just - Perfect.

There's actually a time when Damian is feuding with Tim about something and he's like Grayson is the "Golden Child", Todd is the "Black Sheep", and you're something something. He didn't actually say "something something" but you get the point. Damian doesn't like to be forthcoming with his words, but - "We were the best, Richard. No matter what anyone thinks." THOSE WORDS CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH. The fact that Damian literally calls him the golden child tho is literally ascending me. He loves his dad.

Jason gets fear-gassed once in Truth & Justice (2021) comic and it reveals that one his worst fears has always been about living up to the massive legacy Dick left behind. There's a change in the way Dick is portrayed because Jason is terrified of Nightwing, not Dick. Because he knows that Dick loves him and stuff but Nightwing is downright petrifiying. Because Nightwing and as Robin, Dick created the firsts for everything. The first partner, the first side-kick, the person who created their world. Not just Jason's but Dick opened up the gateway to Every. Single. Hero. That came after him. And he did it perfectly. He excelled in every aspect imaginable and then surpassed them to create the golden standard that every single person that came after strived to touch. Not just for what they should do, but who they should be.

Tim straight up tells Dick to his face every time that Dick is the best robin that ever existed. No squalms, no hesitation, it's just pure fact for Tim. There is simply, no one better.

Batman/Catwoman: The Gotham War: Scorched Earth

Stephanie didn't have a lot of interactions with Dick and she wasn't close to him but she still had a huge deal of respect for him. It was almost deference, the way she treated him. I considered that it might be because he was Batman but she treated Batman very differently than she treated Dick!bats.

But despite literally every single Robin thinking how perfect Dick is, how unattainable he set the standards, Dick himself feels so pale in comparison to his mentor.

I wrote this post a long while back regarding Dick's thoughts of insecurities about bruce to the tune of Toxic Thoughts by Faith Marie which pretty much encapsulates all his worries. But the thing is, even Bruce tells dick how amazing he is and he's so much better than him, and he means it.

There's a time when Bruce fights each of his former robins and he takes them all down easily but he's trekking his way to the last one and he's says "Attack of the Robins, that leaves only the first one. Hand-to-hand, the toughest of them all." He says this all in his mind. Which means when he tells Dick he's better, he really means it but Dick? Dick will never, ever understand the weight of Bruce's sincerity towards him. He always thinks he's not a good enough leader, good enough detective, good enough whatever there is. In his mind he will never be good as Bruce in anyway because for him Bruce is the best person to ever exist. For him, despite everyone in the entire superhero community exalting him and singing his praises, he feels he'll never be like his hero.

"always an angel, never a god."

Anon, that - 😌🤌✨

Glorious. Simply a magnificently apt description.

But you know who this insecurity really affects more than him?

The Robins! Literally everyone else!

You know, there's actually panel about Roy that explains how he feels about Dick's insecurities towards Bruce-

Arsenal Issue #2

And the reason why I brink it up is because I think this is exactly how Jason feels about Dick. In Jason's eyes there is no one better than Dick and it's a nasty feeling that the person he thinks it the best feels inferior to someone else.

Tim also has opinions on the same line except in his case, he hates Dick's unconditional loyalty towards Bruce (yes I'm referencing gotham knights). He loves Bruce but he hates that Dick loves him to the point that he'll follow him endlessly because he has this romanticized, rose-sunglasses view of Bruce. WHICH IRONICALLY ROY ALSO FEELS-

The Titans (1999) Issue #15

Gotham Knights Issue #26

Where it bothers Roy and Jason that Dick would think anyone is better than him, it rankles Tim and Roy that he's being subservient to a mentor he's far better than.

Even Steph was like, "Dude we need you. Where were you?"

Batman and Robin Eternal Issue #2

And Dick's like "Bruce needed me.."

Batman and Robin Eternal Issue #2

He looks so tired, doing God's bidding. But this aligns perfectly with the fact that Bruce has a canonical god complex AKA consistently inflated feelings of personal ability, privilege, or infallibility. People who have god complexes are highly dogmatic in their views, meaning the person speaks of their personal opinions as though they were unquestionably correct.

Literally and metaphorically he's an actual angel because he works as a messenger of God (Bruce in the DC world) and is the epitome of goodness, someone who always offers comfort and aid to everyone.

[imaginespazzi]

Part 6: Leaps of Faith

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 7

I hope that you catch me, cause I'm already falling (you put your arms around me and I'm home)

(In which a writer who can see the end approaching starts building towards that ending)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst and Fluff

Words: 8.0K

TW: Swearing, Alludes to Sexual Content

A/N: Good evening my lovelies <3. Happy Sunday and Happy Mothers day! First of all, I wanna thank y'all for being ever so patient with me. I know I've been pretty bad about updating lately and y'all have been so sweet with your asks and I really appreciate it. This fic is very close to its end. I probably could have ended it with this chapter but there's a very specific ending I want to write so this one is more of a self-indulgent filler but I think y'all will like this one. There will be one more chapter and then an epilogue of sorts. Once again, there are most likely logistical inaccuracies. I'm not even gonna lie, the editing on this one is shoddy so there are definitely grammar errors/typos. For now, ignore them and I'll go fix them later. As always, even if we're near the end, feel free let me know what you liked, what you didn't and anything you'd like to see before we get to the end. Have a wonderful week my angels <3

April 2024 

“It’s a little early for ice cream hon,” Azzi jumps at the sound of her mother’s voice, startled eyes following the direction of the noise to find Katie leaning against the kitchen door, with a raised eyebrow. 

“It’s a little early to scare the living bejesus out of me mom,” she says with a hand to her chest. 

If possible, Katie’s eyes roll even further at her daughter’s sarcastic tone as she makes her way over to the kitchen counter. She’s gotten herself a spoon and everything, ready to steal some ice cream for herself, when she notices the flavour. Next to her, Azzi stiffens. 

“You hate mint chocolate chip Az,” Katie says quietly. 

“I couldn’t find the strawberry ice cream,” Azzi defends stubbornly, her face taking on a guarded expression. 

Katie walks over to the freezer, opening it and pointing at the strawberry ice cream, Azzi’s favourite, that’s sitting in plain sight, “it’s right there.”

“Well,” Azzi splutters, “I’m trying something new,”. 

“You hate trying new things.”

“I’ve grown up I guess.”

“Azzi.”

“Mom.”

“Azzi, why are you eating ice cream you hate at 4 in the morning?” Katie finally asks in her best mom voice, sighing when she gets a mumbled response from her daughter, “in words Az, please.”

“Paige likes it,” Azzi admits slowly, and before Katie can say anything, before Azzi can dwell on what she’s said, she launches into a rant, “god knows why. Actually I know why because she’s stupid and weird and likes the dumbest shit. Who the fuck likes mint? Who the fuck likes mint and chocolate together? Gross. This shit is disgusting. It tastes all wrong. Paige is just-,” Azzi throws her hands up in the air, “she just doesn’t understand that some things don’t belong together. They can’t. They’re too different and it just- there’s a fucking balance to things you know? And she just- she doesn’t get that. It’s just- it’s not meant to be.”

“That doesn’t explain why you’re eating it right now,” Katie says carefully. 

“Because I miss her,” the truth bursts out of Azzi like an erupting volcano, burning itself into every crevice of her skin, “because for some fucking reason I don’t hate the taste of mint chocolate chip. Because maybe they do go together and maybe I’ve been the stupid one this whole time.”

Since she’d stepped out of the hotel in Cleveland, all Azzi could think about was going back, saying fuck it to all the useless logic she’d come up with and going back to the only thing in her life that had ever made sense her Paige. But as it often did in that clichéd battle between head and heart, her head had won out. And she’s never questioned why her head wins so much, why she’s always chosen to listen to the practical side of her brain, until now. Until now when the urge to turn back time, to make herself stay in that hotel room, is all that’s consumed her for the last week. 

“Azzi,” Katie wraps her arms around the younger girl, “what happened with you and Paige?”

Azzi hesitates for a second and then everything’s spilling out of her lips, the good, the bad, the inbetween, all of it tumbles out like an uncontrollable waterfall. There’s something freeing about being able to say it all out loud, something freeing about the tears Azzi finally lets roll down her cheeks. She grips the edge of the counter to keep herself from keeling over, starting to feel herself crumble under the heaviness of all these stupid feelings. 

“It shouldn’t be this hard,” Azzi whispers, “we used to be so easy.”

“Oh Az,” Katie rubs a thumb against her daughter’s cheek, “you used to be kids. You’re all grown up now. It’s always harder when you’re older.”

“Well, I don’t like it. I just want to be the way we were again.”

“So why don’t you?” Katie asks like it’s the most simple solution in the world and Azzi shoots her mother an exasperated look. 

“What do you mean? How do we even do that? We can’t be just friends again. We tried. Were you not listening at all?”

“Azzi, sweetheart, you’ve never been just friends.”

“That’s not true,” it’s a futile attempt at arguing against what’s become more of a fact than an opinion in Azzi’s life. It’s a truth she’d let herself acknowledge once and then buried deep within her, scared that once unleashed, it would ruin everything. Except, it turns out, even without it, things had still turned to dust.  

“Do you remember when you came home from Minnesota that first summer with Paige? You were either moping around or you were on call with her. There was no in between. It got better eventually, the moping stopped but the calls? I think you fell asleep on facetime with her almost every night. And you were tired every morning after, you barely had time to eat before school but every time I suggested that maybe you cut back, that was never an option,” Katie smiles fondly, “it’s when I knew.”

Azzi does remember, remembers talking about everything and nothing, remembers laughing and crying, remembers when Paige’s breathing was the only lullaby that could relax her into sleeping. And she remembers battling with that voice in her head, the one convinced there’s something more, silencing it with I’d do this with anyone. But that wasn’t true then and it’s not true now because Paige has never been just anyone, never been just a friend. Because even if Azzi’s never been brave enough to say it out loud, Paige is and has always been everything.

Despite knowing the answer and maybe dreading it just a little bit, Azzi asks it to her mom anyway, “what did you know?”

“That she was your person. You were too young, I couldn’t call it love just yet but I knew Paige was different then, she was yours in a way none of your other friends were. You were different around her,” Katie nudges her daughter, “Azzi you’ve always been just a little bit in love with her and she’s always been just a little bit in love with you too. The two of you have just been a matter of time.”

Azzi closes her eyes, and unlike other people, she doesn’t see darkness or little spots of light, she just sees Paige. Her mother’s words wash over her, like acid in her self-inflicted fight the feelings wounds and yet, the idea of she’s loved me too feels like a band-aid being delicately placed on the scars of her heart. 

“And place,” she whispers, eyes still closed, “we never seem to get time and place right.”

“Why do you need to?”

Another exasperated look is sent Katie’s way at that question, “we live on different sides of the country mom, what do you mean why do we need to?”

“I mean the two of you have barely ever been in the same place. But you made it work, when you had even less, when you felt even less. But you’re adults now. You have other resources now. And I know timing is difficult but- it’s you and Paige. What are you so scared of Azzi?”

Azzi sucks in a deep breath, “what if Paige runs away again?”

“What if you run away again?”

“Excuse me?” 

“Who was the last person to walk away, Azzi?,” Katie sighs when Azzi is adamantly silent, “I know she hurt you by leaving. I know she hurt you by pushing you away. But you did the same thing. You chose UCLA,” Katie holds up a hand when a frustrated Azzi tries to interrupt, “and it was the right decision for you Azzi and she should have supported it. But that doesn’t meant you didn’t hurt her and then you chose Zoe-”

“I didn’t choose Zoe-”

“Yes you did Azzi. Sweetheart you’re my daughter and I will always tell you the complete truth even if it’s not what you wanna hear. And the truth Azzi is that Paige might have hurt you in 101 different ways but that doesn’t mean you didn’t hurt her back in 99 different ways too.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Azzi whispers, “that’s the problem mom. It hurts when she hurts me but it hurts even more when I hurt her. I don’t want that for us but I just- I just don’t know how to stop it without stopping us.”

“You haven’t even tried, baby. Paige held out a hand and you ran away.”

“She left first. How am I supposed to trust that she won’t just do that again," all that’s missing from Azzi’s stubborn whine is a foot stomp.

“Because she came back. It took her a little bit, I know, but she came back and she’s ready to fight, the question is, are you?”

“Why are you defending her?” Azzi splutters, “who’s side are you even on?”

“There are no sides to this sweetheart. The two of you are on the same side. So maybe instead of fighting against her, take that hand, fight with her.”

***

The WNBA draft is a momentous occasion this year. With a hyped draft class like no other, and the promise of even greater ones in the future, there’s a sense of celebratory hope dangling in the air. When the invite had first come in, Azzi had known the same one would be sent to a certain blonde in Connecticut as well. And a part of her had wanted to hide herself away from that possible collision, but every other part of her wanted nothing more than to get just a glimpse of the blonde.

One moment Azzi is surrounded by flashing cameras and the echo of her name on everyone’s lips, the next everything around her is fading away her eyes meet Paige’s on the other end of the WNBA draft orange carpet. It’s nothing new really. Since she’s met her, the blonde has commandeered all of Azzi’s attention whenever she’s nearby. Sometimes it feels like all of her other five senses fade away to give birth to a secret sixth one, one that’s solely dedicated to Paige, one that’s terrifyingly all-consuming. And yet, despite the heaviness of we’ve said too many goodbyes, for the first time in what feels like eternity, Azzi feels like she can finally breathe. 

And then Paige looks away. 

And Azzi’s back to struggling for air. 

It’s selfish of her, she knows, to expect something, not when she’d been the one to leave them stranded on different islands. But Azzi doesn’t seem to think logically when it comes to Paige and even as she tries to turn her focus back to posing for the camera, every inch of her body is dangerously aware of the blonde’s every move, just a mere few feet away from her. Her conversation with her mother is echoing in her head, giving rise to dangerous desires of what if i grabbed your hand and we ran away together. 

Paige is a natural on the orange carpet, all dazzling smiles and twinkling eyes. She glides through it, inching closer and closer to Azzi, but never giving away any sense of discomfort. And if it was anybody else, maybe they’d never catch onto the nerves hidden beneath Paige’s facade of calm, cool and collected. But once upon a time Paige used to be Azzi’s favourite puzzle and she has every part of the blonde committed to memory. It’s in the way Paige’s teeth gnaw at her lips for the briefest of seconds, in the way her right index finger is begging to tap a beat against where her hands rests on hips, in the way she’s blinking just one too many times. 

And then with one more heavy footed step from Paige, the distance between them is barely a couple inches and they let out identical breaths of air, both of them keeping their focus on the cameras in front of them. It’s loud, too loud, and still all Azzi can focus on is the sound of Paige breathing. The air around them is thick with tension. It feels a bit like they’re silhouetted against a sky made of words they’ve left unsaid and clouds of all the bitter mistakes they’ve made are hanging over their heads. And when their pinkies brush together, and a jolt of electricity sends shivers of I miss you more every day again her skin, Azzi questions if she’s ever made the right decision when it comes to Paige. 

“Wait wait wait,” Ari cuts in, as she squeezes herself in between the two of them, “I wanna get in between the two of you.”

A harsh cry of no sits heavily on the top of Azzi’s tongue as the older woman forces a break in whatever little bit of contact she’d had with Paige. She feels a little pathetic, the way every little inch of her skin is craving for that touch back. It had been nothing, a barely there moment and still Azzi thinks, when she goes to bed tonight, if that was all she’d get of Paige, then it’ll be the only thing that’ll feature in her dreams. 

“Alright one with just Paige and Azzi,” Ari directs the media, stepping out of the way and pushing the two younger girls together. And it’s laughable that a little brush of their pinkies had Azzi feeling any type of way because when they’re suddenly pressed together, every inch of Paige’s side fitting into Azzi’s like it belongs, the way the world suddenly bursts with light and colours makes Azzi wonder if every moment without Paige has simply been monochrome. 

It comes to them naturally how to pose together, arms winding around each other’s waist, heads involuntarily leaning against the other’s. And the smiles might be for the cameras but Azzi knows hers is the most real it’s been all night. It might be temporary, she might lose Paige in the chaos, but for now Paige is here and Azzi has learned how to be content with whatever little she can get. 

As the media moves to capture other people, the logical thing to do would be to separate, to let go of each other. But instead they stand there, still completely wrapped around each other, heart rates in sync as they breathe in each other’s presence. And then Paige’s hand falls from the small of Azzi’s back to tangle their fingers together and they let out identical sighs of relief, something so cathartic in the purposefulness of that touch. Everyone is too busy to notice that the two of them have fallen into a whole other world, one where there’s only two of them and every emotion that they’ve only reserved for the other. There’s no words exchanged as Paige guides the two of them out of the spotlight, somehow keeping their hands clasped together in secret, despite the ever growing crowd. And Azzi doesn’t know this building at all, doesn’t have the faintest clue where she’s being led to, but as long as it’s Paige pulling her along, she doesn’t care where, she thinks she’d go anywhere. 

Paige stops abruptly in a secluded corridor, turning to fully face Azzi. And the sincerity in the blonde’s crystalline blue eyes, as they roam every inch of Azzi’s body before coming to fixate on her face, steals the air away from Azzi’s lungs. Paige has gotten better over the years at building walls, but with every new lock she places on her emotions, there’s a key to open them that seems to always find its way to Azzi. In the delicate golden hue, Paige shines brighter than any star ever could and in the dim light Azzi can make out every bit of hurt and love and please can we just have this moment that Paige can’t put into words. 

“Hi,” Azzi whispers softly, hands itching to reach out and caress Paige’s skin. 

“Hi,” Paige says back, even quieter. She stares at Azzi as if she’s memorising every little detail and then her face crumbles. Azzi feels her heart drop at the single tear that trickles down Paige’s cheek as she lets out a broken whimper. And this, this unspoken power they seem to have over each other, the uncanny ability to just hurt each other without any bit of effort, is what scares Azzi the most. It’s too much. They shouldn’t be able to do this. 

“Paige,” Azzi’s fingers twitch but she hesitates, not knowing if it’s the right thing, “fuck- P what’s wrong?”

Paige doesn’t reply, eyes wandering down to where Azzi’s trying to keep her hands still against her sides and when she looks back up, her eyes are bloodshot, “what’s wrong? What’s not wrong Azzi? You won’t even fucking touch me.”

“I didn’t-” Azzi struggles to speak, “I didn’t think you’d want me to.”

“Can you just- fuck- can you just stop overthinking things for once in your life. Of course I want you to touch- you know what nevermind. This was a bad idea. You made yourself clear and I’m just- fuck- I should- I should just go.”

She sounds adamant enough but all it takes, when Paige moves to leave, is the strangled cry that leaves Azzi’s lips. The sound is enough to pull Paige right back in. She takes one look at the tears brimming in Azzi’s eyes. And then she’s pushing Azzi against a wall, hands on either side caging the younger girl between her body and the hard surface behind. She presses their foreheads together and Azzi feels like every part of her might just be a part of Paige too. 

“I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. It’s barely been two weeks and I- fuck- Azzi- I’ve missed you every single second and now you’re here and I still miss you. And it really fucking hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” Azzi whispers, finally letting her hands cup Paige’s cheeks, and it’s worth it for the way Paige seems to completely melt into her touch, “I’m sorry I keep hurting you. I keep thinking I’m doing the right thing but- I don’t know- I feel like I’m always doing the wrong thing when it comes to you. I don’t- I don’t know what to do.”

“Just let me be with you,” Paige’s voice is wrecked with desperation as she presses herself as close to Azzi as possible, “I’ll be your whatever- whatever you give me- whatever you want- I just- I just want you Az- whatever little bit you’re willing to give me- I’ll take it- and if you want me to wait- fuck Azzi- I’d wait forever- you know that right? However long it takes, baby. Just want you- just want us.”

Leaps of faith are scary. Azzi’s never been great at taking them, too cautious, too much of a worrier. She’s more of a step back from the cliff kind of person. If she doesn’t jump, she can’t fall. But here’s the thing, when she was fourteen, Azzi jumped off of her first hypothetical cliff. It had been on a plane, when after avoiding one too many deep questions, Azzi had admitted to a girl she barely knew,that maybe she could like girls. It was the first time she’d ever let herself acknowledge that truth about herself and the girl next to her was a stranger but there was something about her, something that screamed i’ll hold your hand and if you jump it’ll never be alone. And ever since then, that girl, Paige, has always been there. Hands outstretched, ready to jump off any ledge. Because if there’s hard ground underneath, then they’ll learn how to fly together and if there’s water, they’ll figure out how to swim. With Paige there has always been the promise that, whatever it is, they’ll figure it out together. And it’s with that promise in mind, that Azzi takes the leap of faith. 

“Me too,” Azzi whispers, heart beating erratically. 

“What?” Paige searches Azzi’s face, as if waiting for her to take it back. 

“Us. You. You and me. I want that too,” a ghost of a smile begins to creep onto Azzi’s face, and for the first time in god knows how long, she feels feather light, a little bit like she’s floating on a rainbow. 

“You mean it?” Paige asks earnestly, hands moving from the wall to clutch at Azzi’s waist, “don’t play-Azzi- okay- you mean it for real?”

“I do. I want this- I want this so much and I’m still- I’m still really scared and maybe it’ll be a disaster but I- I want to try. With you.”

Azzi used to think she knew all of Paige’s smiles. Her small, not quite fake, but only for cameras and people she didn’t quite know, smiles. Her just for my friends smile that was filled with mirth and childlike joy. Her basketball smile that transformed into a smirk when she got too cocky. Her only for Drew smile, soft and filled with so much adoration and pride. Her Azzi smile, the one only the brown-skinned girl gets to experience, a smile that made Azzi’s her heart swell with love. But the smile that stretches across Paige’s face now, is one Azzi’s never seen before. This one throws Azzi’s entire world of balance, so bright, so big, so full of emotions. If she could, she’d tattoo that smile onto her skin forever. 

“We’re really doing this?” Paige asks, still a little stunned. It wasn’t what Azzi had planned for tonight. She hadn’t really had any plans for what would really happen. But then Paige had walked in and all Azzi could see was forever she was tired of fighting against. 

“We should take it slow okay-” Azzi wraps her arms around the older girl’s neck, keeping their foreheads still against each other’s, “I don’t- I don’t wanna rush into things and fuck it up. I can’t- fuck- I can’t lose y-”

“You won’t,” Paige swears, squeezing at Azzi’s wait, “I won’t let you. We can take it slow. We can take it however you want- I just- we’re doing this?”

“Yeah,” Azzi can’t help the grin that fills up her entire face, “yeah we’re doing this.”

And as they surge forward to claim each other’s lips, and as they meld every inch of themselves into each other, and as they smile and cry into the kiss simultaneously, and as they etch promises into each other skin, and as they let themselves finally fall into each other, for each other, it feels a lot like coming home. 

***

July 2024 

The early morning sunlight casts a dark shadow across Paige’s face, causing the still asleep blonde to scrunch up her face in irritation. Azzi, who’s been awake for nearly half an hour now, can’t help the fond smile that creeps onto her own lips. She shifts herself to block the sun and Paige lets out a content sigh, burrowing herself further into her pillows. And the thing is every moment with Paige is special but there’s something about waking up to her in the morning. Azzi’s always awake first and it gives her ample time to just admire the girl in her arms, blond hair tousled all over her pillow, lips parted slightly open, and one arm always, always, splayed across Azzi’s torso, holding her close. Over the course of time, Azzi’s found out that the second she moves, Paige seems to feel her leave, waking up instantly. 

There had been an adjustment period if Azzi's honest. It had taken her a while to shake that fear of Paige not being there in the morning. The first morning, she’d been scared to open her eyes, even if she could feel Paige’s presence right next to her. That had been one of the few mornings that Paige was fully awake first, hovering above Azzi to wake her up. And when she finally did get the courage to open her eyes, the first thing Azzi had seen was Paige, blue eyes sparkling with unfiltered adoration, a smile filled with promises of every morning just like this. And that had been enough. 

Azzi reaches out to brush a hand through Paige’s soft blond hair, mesmerised by how pretty Paige looks in the morning glow. A lot of Paige belongs to the world now and Azzi’s not opposed to sharing really, because someone so fucking perfect, deserves to be celebrated like that. But there are some parts of Paige that belong to Azzi and Azzi only, some parts Azzi cherishes as being only hers. This is one of them and Azzi takes a snapshot of it, knowing she’ll need it to function in a few months, when she won’t get the real thing. 

“Are you watching Paige sleep?” Azzi almost jumps at the sound of Drew’s voice at the doorway, having been too immersed in Paige to have even heard the door open, “that’s kinda creepy Azzi.”

“Jesus Drew, whatever happened to knocking?”

“I forgot?” Drew grins, before he plops on the bed, the force of it making the whole frame shake a little bit. 

“Drew!” Azzi chides, “you’re gonna wake her up.”

Drew cocks his eyebrows, sparing his sister, who seems unphased by the sudden little bit of chaos around her, still fast asleep, an unimpressive look, “please she can sleep through anything. Besides, it’s already 9. I thought we were gonna do things. I been up for aaaages.”

“She’ll be awake soon,” Azzi smiles, ruffling the younger boy's hair. Drew rolls his eyes and it’s remarkable how much he resembles Paige, not just by face, but the mannerisms too. 

He huffs for a second before his eyes sparkle with an idea, “what if we pour water on her!”

“Drew!” Azzi chastises again, trying not to giggle. 

“Boo,” Drew crosses his arms across his chest, “you used to be so cool Azzi.”

Azzi laughs as she’s reminded of a younger version of herself, scheming with Drew on how to wake Paige up. And it’s not that she’s beyond that really, tucking the water idea for a rainy day, but Paige looks too peaceful this morning and she wants to preserve that look of serenity on the older girl’s face for just a little bit longer. 

“Hey Azzi,” Drew says after a while and Azzi hums in response, “when you and Paige get married, I can still be a groomsman right? Even if there’s no grooms?”

“Wha- where did that come from?” the brunette’s eyes widened at the question, sitting up a little straighter. 

Drew peers up at her with all the innocence of a pre-teen, “you are gonna get married right?”

“I don’t-”

“It’s too early for your yapping Drew,” Azzi’s saved from answering by Paige’s tired voice entering the conversation. She looks over to find Paige’s eyes already on her, a soft smile playing on her lips as she looks up at Azzi. If Drew wasn’t sitting right there, Azzi would lean over and kiss her and let Paige deepen it until they were both satisfied. 

“Oh thank god,” Drew cheers dramatically, “I thought you were gonna sleep forever.”

Paige scoffs, the arm that’s still wrapped around Azzi’s torso tightening its hold, “I wish.”

“Well you’re awake now so get up,” Drew whines, moving from his spot on the end of the bed, to flop on top of Paige’s body instead, “get up, get up, GET UP.”

“Get off,” Paige groans but there’s no real force behind it. Azzi watches with a fond smile, as Paige flips Drew over so that she can tickle him, eliciting rounds of laughter from the younger boy. Something in her heart flutters, her mind going back to Drew’s question. She’s never really been one to think too hard about marriage and children and that domestic suburban life, leaving it up to fate, but now- well, maybe. 

“Okay aight aight enough. Go get ready for breakfast and we’ll be down in a second,” Paige says, ushering Drew off of the bed. 

“You can just tell me you want me to leave so you can kiss Azzi you know?” Drew scrunches up his nose, “you two are gross.”

Paige sends him a stern look and gets a dramatic eye roll in return but as he always does, Drew does as he’s told, mock saluting the two of them and skipping out of the room. 

“He’s right by the way,” Paige says softly, turning back to where Azzi’s leaning against the backboard, “I do want to kiss you.”

Azzi smirks lopsidedly, “what’s stopping you?”

She squeals in surprise when Paige pulls her, the force of it causing both of them to tumble onto the front-end of the bed. Azzi ends up on top of Paige, hands resting around her neck, the blonde’s hands holding her waist in place. 

“Good morning,” Paige grins, clearly proud of herself as she chases Azzi’s lips to pull her into a searing kiss.

“Good morning,” Azzi whispers back, thumb caressing Paige’s left cheek.  

“Just so you know,” Paige pulls away, a determined glint in her eyes, “we’re so getting married one day.”

***

October 2024

Azzi’s mood has been rancid for the last couple of weeks. It’s terrible she knows; it makes her irritating to play with and a nightmare to live with. But even if this had been expected, that she would be on one end of the country and her heart would be on the other side, it doesn’t stop her from constantly being in a state of missing Paige. And it’s different from before, now that there’s a certain surety of of course i’ll see you soon but soon never really feels soon enough. 

“Azzi can you please get the door,” Kiki calls from her room when the doorbell rings. 

“I’m busy,” Azzi grunts back, snuggling further into her pillow with a book she isn’t actually reading, “you go get it.”

“Azzi please, I’m literally in the middle of getting dressed,” Kiki yells exasperatedly. 

If it wasn’t for the fact that she’s pretty sure her teammates are about this close to plotting her murder, and deservedly so, Azzi would sink back onto her bed and let the incessant doorbell noise continue. But she does love her teammates, thinks Kiki probably deserves to change in peace, and it forces her out of bed, grumbling away about annoying visitors. Until she actually gets a look at the visitor. Paige stands on the doorstep, confident as ever, a bouquet of roses and peonies and lilies in her hand. 

“You’re here,” Azzi breathes out, staring in awe. 

“And thank fucking god she is,” Kiki quips from behind her, “maybe we can finally get our old happy Azzi back and not this bitch.”

Paige laughs, “watch how you talk about my girl Rice.”

“You’re here. You’re really here,” Azzi whispers again. 

“I heard you missed me baby,” Paige says, her cocky smirk betrayed by the softness in her voice. And then Azzi is flying into her arms, throwing Paige off balance. 

“So fucking much,” Azzi admits into Paige’s neck, eliciting a giggle from the blonde, “Kiki’s right. I have been a bitch.”

“Just a little bit,” Kiki calls out again but there’s a new fondness in her voice. It’s funny how her team, even the haters, have slowly become Paige fans. They’d been hesitant at first, just like the UConn girls, but now well, it seems the basketball world’s Montagues and Capulets have learned to accept their star players’ relationship. 

“Missed you too Az,” Paige’s tone is vulnerable as they break away, “alright, go get changed, I wanna take you somewhere.”

“Or…,” Azzi presses her lips to Paige’s neck, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses, “we could stay here and do something else.”

Paige shivers under her touch, stepping away to keep some semblance of control “n-no I have plans,” but she can’t help but kiss Azzi’s pout away, “it’ll be worth it, I promise. Besides,” she bites at Azzi’s ear, “there’s always later.”

***

“Your big plans are to bring me to the supermarket,” Azzi cocks an eyebrow as they walk down one of the many aisles, “you turned down sex for this? Should I be offended?”

Paige doesn’t say anything, concentratedly looking at signs, trying to figure out a specific section, before an aha! moment dances over her face, and she pulls Azzi with her, the younger girl going willingly, despite the eye roll. She stops triumphantly in front of the sushi section and Azzi looks at her quizzically. 

“I’m getting you supermarket sushi,” Paige says pointedly, “and then you can get me mac and cheese.”

And if you brought me sushi I’d have brought you your favourite mac and cheese. Oh. The realisation of what Paige is doing trickles around Azzi a little bit like rain after a long summer drought. She thinks back to the bouquet, everything suddenly making sense.

“You’re such a dork Paige Bueckers,” Azzi says softly, tapping the older girl’s nose. 

“Your dork,” Paige grins cheesily, “now hurry up and pick one. I don’t wanna miss the sunset.”

***

Once she catches on it, it doesn’t surprise Azzi to find that Paige has everything planned out perfectly, down to the exact spot in the park- the one by Paige’s recovery airBnB, the one they’d taken countless walks in trying to repair their friendship- where the two of them can be away from everybody else, in their own little bubble. And she has a picnic blanket, that’s a little small but they don’t really want space from each other anyways. They lean against a tree, food set up in front of them, Paige’s laptop, carefully piled on top of a couple of books to be the perfect height, set a little bit further away. 

“So what NBA game are we watching?” Azzi asks with a smile and Paige groans, “what? Was that not part of the plan?”

“Dude come on. It’s the beginning of October. Please tell me you know the NBA season isn’t happening yet,” Paige rubs her temple, only a little endeared by the comment, “are you sure you’re a basketball player?” 

“There are games in October. I swear I’ve seen them before,” Azzi says sceptically. 

“Yeah at the very end of the month, not right now.”

“Well then close enough,” Azzi says indignantly, “I don’t need to know the exact day.”

“Whatever you say baby,” Paige acquiesces with a smirk and it earns her an elbow to the stomach, “what the fuck? That shit’s domestic violence you know?”

“Big words Bueckers, didn’t think you knew them,” Azzi teases, placing a kiss against Paige’s offended expression, before settling herself against the blonde’s side, sighing contentedly when she gets a kiss on her temple in return. They’re cliché enough to put on Love and Basketball, but Azzi doesn’t really end up watching much at all. In between slow kisses, she almost falls asleep a couple of times, the comfort of Paige’s arms like a blanket wrapping her in the warmth of this is my fairytale. 

“THE POLAROID,” Paige’s shout breaks Azzi out of her haze as she feels her body being shaken off, the blonde rummaging through her bag for the camera, “we have to take the polaroid. My wall needs it.”

“Oh yeah a tiny polaroid picture of us inbetween all your Lebron posters, a perfect fit,” Azzi drawls only to be met with a scathing look from Paige. 

“It’s for important things and Lebron is the most important of them all,” Paige explains with complete seriousness, as she finally finds the polaroid camera and shimmies back to Azzi with it in hand. 

The sunset is beautiful. Pink, purple, orange and blue, all blending together to create the perfect picture. But Azzi thinks it’s not nearly as beautiful as the girl in front of her, not nearly as beautiful as the date Paige had planned, not nearly as beautiful as the future she can so clearly see now. Her mind drifts back to the night of the phone call, and she can almost hear Paige’s sobs again, can still hear her own voice breaking. Back then, they had seemed impossible, a butterfly like dream that danced out of their grasp. 

“Hey,” Paige captures her chin with two fingers, “where’d you go?”

Azzi shakes her head, “nowhere. I’m right here. With you. Where I should be.”

“Sappy goof,” Paige snorts but she kisses Azzi like she’ll take those words and hide them in the labyrinth of her mind, protect them there forever. 

Taking the picture is a task, both of them bickering about angles and lights. It’s unnecessary arguing, in true Paige and Azzi fashion really but there’s something so mundanely domestic about it that Azzi finds herself wanting to memorise this moment too. They finally get the frame just right, somewhere in between what they both wanted. Azzi smiles at the camera, her Paige smile, as the blonde in question presses her lips against her cheeks. 

Click. 

And Azzi hopes, that however many years later, when they have a home of their own, amidst all the photos that they’ll take over the next years, this one will be hung somewhere on their wall, a testament to finally realising every dream they’d dared to dream together. 

***

December 2024 

There are pebbles being thrown at her window and Azzi has to stop herself from laughing when she peers down to see Paige, freezing cold in the Virginia December air, staring up at her with a goofy smile. She shakes her head when her phone rings, knowing it’s Paige and answers it with her own foolish grin. 

“What exactly are you doing?” Azzi asks, “come back to bed.”

“You said I was unromantic. I’m trying to be romantic,” Paige’s teeth chatter in the cold, as she balances her phone in one hand, still throwing rocks with the other. 

“I didn’t say that and throwing rocks at my window is supposed to be romantic? You’re going to wake the whole house up.”

“That’s what they do in all the good rom coms. And you said and I quote ‘we’re kind of boring’. You might be boring Azzi Fudd but I most definitely am not.”

It had been a throwaway comment Azzi had made at dinner with some friends from high school. One of her friends had been going on and on about some adventurous trip that she and her boyfriend were going on, and then asked Paige and Azzi if they had any of that planned. To which Azzi had replied that they were a little too busy, considering they were college basketball players still in season, and besides they were “kind of boring” people. She hadn’t meant it in any type of way. Personally, Azzi likes boring. Paige however, seemed to have taken the comment to heart and Azzi had woken up at 2 a.m. to an empty bed and the sound of something being thrown at her window. 

“Okay I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You're really interesting baby and the most romantic person in the world. Now will you please come back to bed,” Azzi concedes, already missing the feeling of being cuddled up in her blankets with Paige’s body heat keeping her nice and toasty. 

“No,” Paige says indignantly, “come down here.”

“Paige, it's freezing. It’s gonna start snowing any minute.”

“Exactly. That’s exciting.”

“Sleep is exciting,” Azzi whines, but she’s already padding around her room looking for a warm sweater, grumbling under her breath about the warm California sun she’s missing. She tiptoes down the staircase, wincing at the one step that creaks just a little too much, before pushing herself out the door. And it’s freezing cold, there’s sleep in her eyes, but it’s all worth it Azzi thinks, it’ll always be worth it, just to experience Paige’s smile. 

“Knew you’d come,” Paige grins cockily, mittened hands pulling Azzi into her.

“Yeah yeah. What are we even doing?”

“Azzi Fudd,” Paige bellows dramatically, “may I have this dance.”

Azzi stares at Paige’s outstretched hand wondering if this is some sort of cry for help, but one look at Paige’s face tells her that the girl in front of her is being absolutely serious. 

“This is your idea of exciting? Dancing in the street while it’s freezing with no music?” Azzi raises an eyebrow, but she takes Paige’s hand. 

“It’s spontaneous,” Paige says the last word with a flourish, as she spins Azzi, “why not dance in the street when it’s freezing with no music?”

And well, that’s a fair point. If anyone were to look out their window that night, they’d probably think the two girls were somewhat crazy. Laughing and giggling and tripping over each other as Paige hums a melody and Azzi occasionally joins in. It’s ridiculous and corny and cliché and perfect. And then the first little bit of snow falls, white drops circling around the two dancing girls, snowflakes catching on their eyelashes. The dim glow of the streetlight is enough to catch identical smiles on the two girl’s faces as they revel in each other. 

“You know some people say if you make a wish during the first snowfall, it’ll come true,” Paige whispers, still waltzing the two of them around, cheek pressed to Azzi’s, “you wanna try?”

And the thing is Azzi doesn’t really believe in all of that, in magic but something about Paige, something about this moment feels magical. It makes a believer out of Azzi. 

“Yeah,” Azzi smiles, “let’s make a wish.”

They stand still, holding hands, eyes closed, both a little breathless, as they make their wishes. And when they open them, if it feels a little bit like maybe their wishes have already been granted, well they’ll share it in a secret smile but never out loud. After all, wishes don’t come true if you speak of them. 

***

April 2025

7 seconds to go in the National Championship and Azzi’s UCLA Bruins are down by two points. It’s her last chance, having already declared for the 2025 WNBA draft, to win a national championship, to bring home their first basketball national championship since the 1978 team that had won the AIAW championship, to win their first NCAA championship ever. It had taken some sheer luck to get to this point if Azzi’s honest. As a two-seed in the Spokane region, they’d benefitted from their one-seed having been eliminated early and then getting to face a Cinderella six-seed in the final four. On the other side of the bracket, UConn, the favourites coming for a repeat, had been stunned by another team, the team that UCLA was now facing. That had caused a bit of a second-hand sting and Azzi’s not really trying to take revenge for Paige, but it'd be a lie to say the get back at them for me babe from earlier this morning isn’t ringing in her head. 

The play is simple, set screens for Azzi, get her open, get her the ball. A two would get them to a tie and three would win it outright. Either will do. It’s a little too reminiscent of last year when Azzi had failed at tying the final 4 game and she can still feel that loss on the tips of her fingers. They break out from their last timeout, breathlessly running to their spots on the floor. The whistle blows, Kiki inbounds the ball and everything is a blur. All Azzi knows is the shot clock is winding down. She runs off of what feels like a million screens. And then she’s open on the wing, for a millisecond. A perfect pass from Kiki makes sure the ball lands straight in Azzi’s hand. And she doesn’t think, doesn’t breathe, doesn’t even notice the defender put up a hand, she shoots the ball. There’s two people on the court that know for sure that ball is going in the minute it leaves Azzi’s fingers, the shooter herself and her biggest fan in the stands, who’s been just a little bit in love with that shooting stroke, since before anything else had even begun. 

With a delicate swish, the ball falls through the net, the buzzer sounds around the arena, the crowd explodes in blue and gold, as the UCLA Bruins win the 2025 national championship. 

Everything stills in Azzi’s brain for a second, her thoughts taking a second to catch up to reality. She’s never really been one to emotion on the court, keeping herself steely guarded through most games, even at the very end. But now, triumph and pride and just utter happiness at finally achieving one of her biggest dreams, comes roaring to the surface, manifesting itself throughout her entire body, as she lets out a scream of joy. Her teammates engulf her and she gets lost in a sea of hugs and tears and bright, decadent smiles. 

As thing start to calm down, there’s really only one thing on Azzi’s mind and Paige’s words echo in her ears, because if I’m gonna end up fucking crying, then I want it to be on your shoulder. And if I’m gonna end up celebrating, I want it to be in your arms. And Azzi thinks maybe Paige had discovered one of the biggest truths of their life with that, the truth that at the end of day, in any moment, big or small, happy or sad, the one person Azzi wants next to her, is her Paige. It’s been that way since she was fourteen, and too young to really understand the meaning of wanting someone forever, and she thinks if she has her way, it’ll be like that for the rest of her life, the rest of their life. 

Paige is beaming in the crowd, standing next to Jon and José, a #35 jersey proudly adorning her torso. She waves when she catches Azzi’s eyes, always her biggest cheerleader. And Azzi throws caution to the wind, fuck it, not caring that there’s still a large crowd or that cameras are likely to follow her every move. She pushes her way into the stands, stopping right in front of the blonde. 

“On a scale of one to ten, how bad would kissing you right now be?” Azzi asks, still a little breathless. 

A myriad of emotions flicker through Paige’s face before settling on a mischievous smirk, “probably pretty bad but you should do it anyways.”

Azzi grins before merging their lips together and everything else fades to the background, until she’s consumed by nothing but Paige. They break apart far quicker than either of them would like and Azzi expects to feel just a little bit of fear at what she’s just done, likely given the media a spectacle they could run a million and one stories about but instead, with her forehead still pressed against Paige’s, she feels nothing but calm. 

“I’m so in love with you,” Azzi whispers and Paige’s eyes widen. They’ve known it for a while now but it’s the first time either of them have said it. 

“Say it again,” Paige demands. 

“I’m so in love with you,” Azzi says again, grinning so hard, she thinks it might become her permanent expression, “like really fucking in love with you.���

“I’m so in love with you,” Paige whispers, pulling Azzi into a bone-crushing hug. 

And this might not be the moment where everything finally comes together. There’s still so much life left to live, so much that they still need to work through, so much they’ve yet to deal with. But for now, Azzi has a national championship and she has the love of her life, the rest will work itself out, or so she hopes.

[frenchonionsoop]

How did Oda leave such a strong impression on Dazai?

OOHH ok i have a lot of thoughts on this topic so bear with me, this is gonna be a long one My interpretation is the first thing Dazai latched onto about Oda was his honesty.

Oda is a very straightforward person, he rarely ever if at all has an ulterior motive and it totally blindsides Dazai. He can't manipulate Oda because he'll take what he says too literally, he can't predict him - not because Oda is good at hiding his thoughts, he just naturally has the most unreadable resting poker face imaginable - and no matter what he does nothing seems to phase Oda (keyword "seems", it often does he just doesn't show it) , and it intrigues Dazai.

As seen with Chuuya we know Dazai gets hooked on people who surprise and/or impress him, so I can absolutely understand how he saw the enigma that is Oda and said "you're my friend now we're having soft tacos later <3".

I could go on for hours about the various times Oda has bamboozled Dazai and how each effected him profoundly in so many different ways, but that's a discussion for another time. I don't think just these factors would realistically warrant Dazai's drastic change in world outlook and spur on his sudden redemption arc, so what did?

I believe it was his complete lack of judgement. Despite Dazai's constant suicide attempts and harsh view of the world not once did Oda outwardly judge him for it, which is in some ways a blessing and in some ways a curse. Oda never viewed himself as qualified enough to call Dazai out, which in hindsight might've done harm as there were times were Dazai needed someone to call him out, but unbeknownst to Oda that lack of judgement gave Dazai room to breathe.

He saw right past the silly facade and the darker side to Dazai, he saw a "sobbing child abandoned in the darkness of a world far emptier than the one we're seeing", and he saw a friend.

And this is exactly why Oda's last words hit Dazai so hard. Odasaku, who never speaks up for himself, Odasaku, who's so genuine he'd believe a murderer if they simply said "I didn't do it", Odasaku, who is now telling Dazai life might just be little better if he decides to help rather than hurt.

Bleeding out on the floor of a mansion, in a desperate attempt to make up for all the times he didn't confront Dazai Oda has to find some way to get through to him and fast. His harsh words to Dazai on how he'll never find that happiness he so desperately craves are so jarring they snap him out of his panic, suddenly he's blindsided all over again, and that vulnerable state gives Oda's next words the chance to reach deeper - "be on the side that saves people."

In order to truly get through to him, Oda needed to level with Dazai, the only way to do that in such little time was to repeat back to him his own internal mantra of "never filling that hole that is his loneliness". It's clear his words are false, especially the line "nothing beyond your own expectations will happen" as Dazai's entire speech to Fyodor in the prison is about his belief in the unpredictable nature of human beings.

But regardless, that slap in the face of hearing his own self-destructive thoughts voiced aloud after going his entire life without ever considering anybody else could understand them heightened Dazai's faith in Oda's promise of a life that's "a bit more wonderful."

What makes me adore Oda and Dazai's friendship so much is how grounded and natural it feels. Oda isn't some perfect saviour who always knows exactly what to say, far from it, he was a 23 year old PM grunt with 5 kids and a love for spicy curry, but that's all he needed to be.

Sorry this is so ramble-y and long winded if you couldn't tell already Oda's my favourite character so I have a lot to say about him 😭 Thank you so much for the ask!!!

[fortuna-et-cataclysmos]

Derision was a breath of fresh air this season. I didn't have much to analyse in the latest episodes, but here I go now.

This episode gives us that very important backstory needed to understand Marinette's behaviour both as herself, but also Ladybug. Chloé's bullying and her trauma with Kim has very much shaped her way of thinking and acting, which we see the most throughout season 4 and 5.

After confessing to Kim in what turned out to be a prank and humiliated, Marinette swears to three things:

To never fall in love with someone without knowing them fully

To always have everything planned and under her control

To never get feelings for someone who is friends with Chloé

Each of these decisions are a direct consequence of her trauma, beliefs acquired due to it, and they have tremendous impact on her decisions later on. Let's take it piece by piece.

Belief 1: I should never fall in love with someone without knowing them fully

I guess I am not the only LadyNoir stan who has been thoroughly annoyed for years that Ladybug refused to acknowledge that she held a deep affection for Chat Noir. Well, turns out, that had a very justified reason. She has prohibitten herself from having feelings with someone who she doesn't know fully, which obviously is impossible when she can't know the person behind the mask. This decision to omit any romantic feelings that she may have for Chat Noir happens mostly unconsciously: it is not that she actively thinks that the person behind the Chat Noir person is bad (or God forbid, friends with Chloé!). It is just that she has once put her faith in someone and let herself fall in love with them without knowing them properly, and it led to humiliation, heartache, and hurting her friend Socqueline. So obviously, in her mind, as someone she can't ever fully know due to the identity schenanigans, Chat Noir is a no-no on her crushable guys list.

Then you might ask, how come she ends up falling in love with Chat Noir in season 5? She even explicitely says, in Elation, that she doesn't care that he wears a mask, right?

Well, here is the thing, at the end of Season 4, Chat Noir shows to Ladybug that she can trust him, and she really does. She starts giving him more responsibilities as her partner (like confiding him the Bunny Miraculous), but also as a friend. She realises that she trusts Chat Noir literally with her life, why not with her heart? So she is willing to make an exception to her belief, because she trusts Chat Noir and that he'd be there when she is down (and not kick her the way Kim did).

Belief 2: I must always have everything under control

I won't get in the details of Marinette and her need for control and how it affects her relationship with Adrien and with Chat Noir because I already did it after Passion (I think my analysis from then still stands in this new context). But basically, Marinette has an urge to control everything because, now we learned, in times she didn't, things went very sour. This applies to her superhero work and how she wanted to be the only one in charge until her overbearing of responsibilities broke her in Risk, but also her personal life, where being in a relationship with Adrien is totally unchartered territory for her (more on that in the aforementioned post), plus too similar in circumstance to what happened in the past with Kim, so she is being extra controlling.

Belief 3: I should never get feelings for someone who is friends with Chloé

Marinette's context with Kim and Adrien show a lot of similarities, which explains why she is being overly controlling and reserved when it comes to her relationship with Adrien.

Adrien and Chloé are childhood friends, and since their friendship developed outside the school, Marinette doesn't know much about their friendship dynamics (neither do we). She only knows that Chloé is cruel, and how can someone nice be friends with someone so cruel?

Hence her mistrust of Adrien in Origins. When they first meet, she doesn't like Adrien, thinks that he is trying to prank her for Chloé. See the parallel with Kim? That never was Adrien's intention of course, and he comes clean in a half-apology, telling her that he never meant to put the chewing gum on her seat. A recognition of his actions and how they may impact her, which Kim never did. Even when confronted a year later by Ondine and Adrien, he still continues to argue that he was in the right. Meanwhile, Adrien acknowledges that his action might have hurt Marinette even if he didn't even mean to prank her. From the beginning, Adrien sets himself different from Kim, and Marinette inconsciously acknowledges that by allowing herself to develop feelings for him.

Nonetheless, the scar of that past trauma stays, and manifests itself when she wants to finally confess her feelings for Adrien. After all, Kim pranked her just as she had confessed to him, so it is totally underastandable that in Marinette's brain, confessing and making yourself vulnerable equals to being hurt.

But she is willing to work on that. At the end of Derision, she does take Adrien's hand, even though after some hesitation. However, she can't keep holding onto it, and she apologies for it. Adrien says that they have time, allowing her the space she needs to unlearn her past beliefs.

While Marinette decides to work on herself to get over her fear, Adrien also unrealisingly addresses the source of Marinette's fear by confronting Chloé and severing all ties and friendship he had with her.

In the end, both are willing to be there for each other and do the right thing.

This season shows that Marinette cannot, in fact, continue hanging onto the beliefs she acquired after Kim's prank.

She does prove herself wrong by managing to fall in love with someone she doesn't know fully, and even acknowledges that she doesn't need to know Chat Noir fully to love him.

She sees that she cannot keep everything under control by herself and she needs support, especially that of Chat Noir. But also, she learns that she needs to yield some control to Adrien if she is to have a healthy relationship with him.

Lastly, she is willing to try and get past her fear of Chloé. Adrien also distancing himself from her, facilitates Marinette's job.

Overcoming these three beliefs that Marinette acquired due to the trauma caused by Kim and Chloé, Marinette is now one step closer to being able to love Adrien (but also Chat Noir!) fully and freely.

Note: I haven't watched anything beyond Derision, so please do not spoil beyond that in the tags or comments 0:)

[rei-ismyname]

UNCANNY X-MEN #5 From The Ashes

First of all, I should acknowledge that something I've been calling a missed opportunity has received an attempt on page - the X-Men killing in FotHox, specifically Kurt. It's a single line and doesn't make a lot of sense, trying to have cake and eat it too by nodding to it in issue 5 but not meaningfully engaging with the recent past. Kurt did NOT think he was a killer, ever. That's just a bad faith reading of the text. He was in a war against genocidal fascists, come on.

Cool new form for Calico, though.

Kurt putting his sword/s away doesn't quite cut it. Errol Flynn swashbuckling has been an influence on him since he was a child and he's been big on sword usage almost since the beginning of his publication history. It's his thing, and he badly needs personality in FTA. Also, he didn't kill anyone with a sword in Fall, he teleported them into space. Swords parry and block, they disarm and intimidate. They have use outside of combat. They look cool, and it's something Kurt is very good at. So yeah, the barest attempt was made, but it didn't land for me. There could have been space to set it up and sell it too, perhaps by toning down the Charles Xavier/Sarah flashbacks that were ultimately just a fakeout.

Speaking of things that were given lip service in issue 5 and could have benefited from more attention, Jubilee told us who she is - kinda. A panel or two of origin story that was established in the 90s, but nothing about why she's here or what she wants out of life. How she feels about the loss of Krakoa, where the hell her baby, Shogo, is. It fits in with Uncanny's overarching sense of unfocusedness and her role could have been performed by anyone - not a good look for the end of the flagship book's first arc.

We get the resolution to and defeat of Sarah Gaunt. 'She's crazy, always has been' is so unsatisfying. I can't think of any other description. It's nice that we don't have another sin to lay at Xavier's door, but attempted baby trap is not a frequently used trope for a reason. She acknowledges she was lying, but then blames him for the loss of her son years later in a different country - then transfers that hatred to all mutants? Comicsxf have criticised her characterisation as 'Monstrous Mother' and I agree. What was the point of giving it so much space, to the extent that we spent more time in the past than with most of our putative main characters? She beat the shit out of Logan and Rogue the last two issues, nearly killing them - only for Rogue to draw strength from deus ex dead kid and completely wipe her out. It's lovely that Rogue is able to summon empathy for her, it shows us why she's a hero, but taken as an arc she's rewarded with victory despite making bad decisions. Long time readers know Rogue can lead, but I think Gail Simone is going to have to do the work to convince new readers that she's right for this. It's well and good to have moral authority but leading your team to death isn't.

Harvey X was unexpected but felt unearned. Surprise is fun but internal and narrative consistency is better. I thought it was Charles moving people around, because it was signposted. Harvey X being the puppet master felt almost silly as he revealed previously unseen very powerful abilities. Why would he wait for Rogue and Logan to be nearly dead to act? Maybe that's the only time he can act, because he's dead? Idk, at least he didn't scream how hot Rogue is again. He speaks about a sacrifice he's making but what sacrifice is that? Is his power finite and burns him out, Proteus-style? It's not quite clear, and I guess we'll never see him again.

Precognition. Healing. Telepathy.

Gambit and the Eye of Agamotto was a Chekhov's Gun that mostly worked (and made me feel sah smart for calling it.) Remy prays (?) to it and then blows the possessed cultists away. I'm pretty sure Jubilee could make a bigger boom than that (I know she can) but rule of cool wins the day.

These are/were captured and possessed mutants. I hope we see them again, especially after Fawn's introduction in #1. They're not doing this willingly.

Rogue flies to meet Warden Ellis to give her Sarah back, further muddling Ellis' characterisation. I have no idea what she's about now. Nuance is good in antagonists, but for someone who wants to crush mutants with her government mandate she's awfully cooperative with them. No threats, no riddles, no ultimatum, just meekly accepting two threats? I want to give a fuck about the closest thing we have to an antagonist (for a crossover event right around the corner) but there's nothing there! This was an opportunity for something, anything. Gah! I don't understand this writing.

Rogue's threat is interesting, though I have to wonder what she and Scott are going to disagree about. It's implied Jubilee will get captured, and we know Beast already has been. 2/3 X-Men teams have their motivation to wreck Graymalkin I just struggle to see them coming to blows over it.

Rogue and her elocution lessons feel very out of character and came out of nowhere. If it was setup earlier and tied to insecurity or identity that would work, but being introduced and haphazardly paid off in issue 5 baffles me, frankly. Rogue's southern upbringing is never something she's been ashamed of, her angst has almost always been related to her powers. She's a confident woman. A story where she struggles with that could have legs, but that's not the story that's been told. She certainly doesn't need Gambit or Logan to tell her - I'd expect it to be the other way around.

I'm not sure what to make of the images we get from Harvey X's visions of the future. I'll write about them separately if I find an interesting hook.

So ends the first arc of Uncanny X-Men volume whatever. My main issue is that it doesn't meaningfully engage with what came before it, and it doesn't quite manage to establish its own identity either. What is its mission statement and what kind of book can we expect? I don't know, and I hope Gail Simone does. It's not the end of the world, mind you. Following Krakoa was always going to be tough, and the world was going to feel smaller, less connected. I can't help but wonder what it might have felt like without a lot of Charles Xavier flashbacks amounting to nothing. Maybe we'd know more about Kurt or Jubilee, even the Outliers. Ideally that'll be corrected. I don't do number ratings so I'll just say it was okay, higher if you are a Rogue stan.

[starlvst]

and top 5 dick & bruce moments <3

vechh you know me and you know how much i LOVE this question!! i'd take literally any excuse to talk about them.. there's just soo much to choose from so i was dying while doing thiss. the one's id choose are pretty generic but i love them all the same::

that moment from obsidian age when faith tells dick about what bruce said to her. dick being so surprised that she assumed bruce was his father and even more surpised at what made her think that way? u are both freaks. the fact that bruce can so casually say this to anyone else but never actually say it to dick's face.. they r CURSED. also dick's expressions!! genuinely jla obsidian age is such a foundational nightwing comic.

"The only time I ever feel pride is when I look at Nightwing. Sometimes I think he's the only thing I ever did right."

their wholee argument during prodigal. love it when they ream each other out, or more likely, dick reams bruce out while bruce stands there because everything he does has a reason dick, and he has a good explanation!! but also because they are soo unwell. bruce thinking dick would never wanna be batman because he has already built nightwing for himself-- which is so much better! bruce truly believes that nightwing is an essential part of the hero community. he believes in dick's ability to lead and inspire. he also believes he doesn't have any right to be a subject of that ability. he doesn't think he deserves dick's loyalty and he outright says this in gotham knights. dick has already done so much for him, how could bruce call him back, especially for this.

robin 13 u will forever be known for this..

"I didn't have the right to call you back."

"The right? I'd die for you bruce."

obviously, just copy pasting the entire comic of bloodborne here. bruce leaving flowers at the graysons' grave every year.. alfred saying he's never missed the occasion so it's obvious something's gone wrong. the flashback... "i dodged the bullet, robin. i always do. okay?" dick setting off alone to find bruce in the middle of the cold harsh weather with nothing but a heartbeat monitor.. SCREAM.

another over used one but also one that altered my brain chemistry. that one panel from infinite crisis. I KNOW IT'S EVERYWHERE-- but that's because it is one of the most insane and fundamental changes that re-routed comic history! alternate superman telling bruce that everyone on this earth is a worse version of everyone on earth-2. telling batman that they should be overwritten, it's only for the best after all. AND WHAT DOES BRUCE SAY??

"And what about Dick Grayson?"

"Yes?"

"Is he a better man on your Earth than he is on mine?"

yeah. bruce's faith in dick transcends alternate realities. the world could be on fire and the incorruptable could become corrupted but bruce wayne can not doubt dick grayson. bruce just casually judges the potential of an entire world by the standards of dick grayson. if the dick grayson on this earth is still a good person then it is still worth saving.

last but not least, a bit of a controversial one, but that scene in forever evil where dick is strapped to the bomb and it's about to go off and he tells bruce to leave him just like bruce has told him many times before. BUT BRUCE CAN'T. he says that the only way they are getting out of this is together as if there aren't like 3 other people in that room with them lmaoo- if dick grayson dies then bruce might as well die too because there is no reality in which he can live without him. his son, his brother, his best friend, his saving grace, his boy OUGH. and then we get the whole spyral fight scene yada yada and it's like a knife cut clean through your heart. one of the first dick & bruce scenes I read and one that will always hold a lot of weight in how I view them.

please bear with me i cant find the panels rn

bonus:: sooo much good robin dick and bruce content coming out omgg -> batman and robin: year one, world's finest

and then there's year one: batman/scarecrow, batman and robin 2021 and i can not reiterate this enough BLOODBORNE!!!

there r also so many single issues of comics i can name but that's a whole list for another time

[hollowed-theory-hall]

you know, i’ve never really understood or given any thought as to why ootp had always been my favourite book of the franchise even as i was entering adulthood. but now, i can admit that harry’s inner turmoil and anxiety and staggering sense of hopelessness spoke to me in a way no other book had.

as a kid, i kept wondering why, just why i can understand so perfectly, why every stretch of page used for character analysis made so much sense to me, kept me focused and hungry to know more about how he dealt with everything.

but now i can clearly see that ootp is, in my opinion obviously, the most emotionally charged of the books for harry. it’s raw, it’s painful and it’s really fucking overlooked — his psychological and physical trauma, the loneliness, the anger.

which brings me to my two slightly related questions. how do you think the rest of the series would’ve played out from this moment of the timeline forward if:

sirius wouldn’t have died in the ministry raid, nor afterwards;

harry would’ve somehow found out about dumbledore’s schemes, gotten the whole picture of the man himself and just how much he has influenced his life.

OotP is indeed incredibly emotionally charged, and I love it. Just started reading it again cause I felt like it. Harry's anger in this book is *chef's kiss* I love Harry's anger with a passion and OotP is feeding me so well.

Now, for your questions:

1. If Sirius didn't die

Well, I think this potentially changes either everything or very little depends how you choose to write it. I think I wrote about this already a bit about it but I can't seem to find the post now...

Anyway, it really depends. Like, you could make it change basically nothing:

Like, the summers left for Harry might be a bit better if Sirius has cause to argue for Harry to come to live with him, if not, then Harry still stays less time at the Dursleys overall. Slughorn would still teach and so would Snape in sixth year, but Sirius would be free to help the Order more since he was exonerated by the ministry between books 5 and 6.

6th year would go down more or less the same except Sirius would tend to take Harry's suspicions about Malfoy and Snape more seriously. Whether that causes one of them to do something rash depends on the writer.

Dumbledore would still die at the end of the year though (because he's still picking up the ring) and book 7 would start more or less at the same point. Except Sirius would now be with the trio throughout the Horcrux hunt. So, there potentially won't be camping in the woods bit! Yay!

But, like, it doesn't change much. Especially because Harry didn't tell Ron and Hermione he was going to walk to his death so they wouldn't stop him, he isn't going to tell Sirius either. They might track down the Horcruxes quicker or slower, again, depending on the writer.

You can also choose to change everything and have Sirius as the DADA teacher in 6th year and have Dumbledore drag Harry to get the memory from Slughorn another way. Like, with most what-if scenarios, it's kinda up to the writer's interpretation.

2. Harry figures out everything

I don't think this changes much. I mean, in book 7 Harry has this very realisation. Hermione keeps insisting Dumbledore did care about him, but Harry doesn't really believe it. Harry never fully trusted Dumbledore and was never Dumbledore's man and in book 7 he does lose his faith in Dumbledore:

Dumbledore’s betrayal was almost nothing. Of course there had been a bigger plan; Harry had simply been too foolish to see it, he realized that now. He had never questioned that his own assumption: that Dumbledore wanted him alive. Now h saw that his life span had always been determined by how long it took to eliminate all the Horcruxes. Dumbledore had passed the job of destroying them to him, and obediently he had continued to chip away at the bonds tying not only Voldemort, but himself, to life! How neat, how elegant, not to waste any more lives, but to give the dangerous task to the boy who had already been marked for slaughter, and whose death would not me a calamity, but another blow against Voldemort. And Dumbledore had known that Harry would not duck out, that he would keep going to the end, even though it was his end, because he had taken trouble to get to know him, hadn’t he? Dumbledore knew, as Voldemort knew, that Harry would not let anyone else die for him now that he had discovered it was in his power to stop it. The images of Fred, Lupin, and Tonks lying dead in the Great Hall forced their way back into his mind’s eye, and for a moment he could hardly breathe: Death was impatient. . . .

(DH)

And Harry never would've ducked out becouse that's who he is. Depending on when he found out and under what circumstances, he might be angry, betrayed, sure. He might shout at Dumbledore like after Sirius' death in OotP, he might get depressed, he might lash out at everyone, but when the moment comes, Harry would always choose to walk to his death if he feels that is the only chance to defeat Voldemort.

Sirius, Ron, and Hermione would be the ones to argue against this more than Harry would. They would be the ones screaming at Dumbledore while Harry traps himself in his own mind, processing his own imminent demise. Just like the trio reacted in first year when Harry told Ron and Hermione Dumbledore planned for him to face Quirrelmort:

“D’you think he meant you to do it?” said Ron. “Sending you your father’s cloak and everything?” “Well, ” Hermione exploded, “if he did — I mean to say that’s terrible — you could have been killed.” “No, it isn’t,” said Harry thoughtfully. “He’s a funny man, Dumbledore. I think he sort of wanted to give me a chance. I think he knows more or less everything that goes on here, you know. I reckon he had a pretty good idea we were going to try, and instead of stopping us, he just taught us enough to help. I don’t think it was an accident he let me find out how the mirror worked. It’s almost like he thought I had the right to face Voldemort if I could….” “Yeah, Dumbledore’s off his rocker, all right,” said Ron proudly.

(PS)

Harry accepts it as something that needed to be done. That he was the person meant to face Voldemort because Voldemort is his responsibility. His burden to bear. Harry doesn't really care for his own life as much as he cares for others' lives. It's Ron and Hermione who are horrified and call Dumbledore insane on Harry's behalf. With the bigger plan leading to Harry's, it would be the same. Harry would accept it as what needs to happen and Ron and Hermione (and Sirius if he's there) are going to be the ones trying desperately to find another way.

Harry is going to be betrayed or angry, yes, but he would go along with the plan if he thinks it's what's best for everyone because it's who Harry is.

[lulu2992]

I appreciate your time so much!! ♡

1.) Jacob wasn't married, but in your opinion, why do you think they kept the song only you and the music box in the game for him.

2.) The first time you meet the siblings, Individually Joseph isn't with faith and Jacob, but with john, he is do you think it's because be didn't trust him.

3.) Who was holly and Terry to john

4.)john mentioned a woman in they dlc that she gave him everything, but she made him angry. Did he kill her or just physically hurt her?

No problem :D

Question 1:

We indeed know from the lead writer that, before that idea was eventually scrapped, Jacob’s backstory was different: he had a wife and “Only You” was the song they danced to at their wedding. So why did they keep the song even though it seems it doesn’t mean anything special to him anymore?

Maybe it was too late or too inconvenient for the devs to pick a new one, or everyone still liked it, or there’s something very dark and ironic about turning people into mind-controlled killing machines using a love song, or they decided the lyrics didn’t really have to matter anymore, or maybe because, as Jacob suggests after Eli’s sacrifice, “only” the Deputy could have done it.

They are the chosen one in Joseph’s prophecy, so maybe they were also the person Jacob was waiting for all along and the song was always for them. He apparently believed his destiny was to die for Joseph and the Project so, in a way and as the lyrics say, only the Deputy could “make all this world seem right”, “the darkness bright”, and were his “destiny”.

As for the music box, it’s simply a conditioning tool, and it plays “Only You” because it’s still the song Jacob uses as an auditory conditioned stimulus, I guess.

Question 2:

Good question! You’re probably right because we also know Joseph personally contacted John to basically tell him to calm down and there’s no evidence of him doing the same for the other Heralds. An NPC also says she heard that, unlike Faith, John “never had the Father's full confidence” and, while she’s not a cultist and it seems to be a rumor, this is fiction and the line exists for a reason. That, plus the fact Joseph says the abuse his younger brother faced as a child turned him into “a monster”, “not perfect” and sometimes “not even good”, may explain why he came to the baptism. Judging from John’s reaction, it was a surprise inspection and he didn’t expect his brother to show up!

Deleted dialog also suggested Joseph may have come to this specific Cleansing because the Deputy was there, but I can see him wanting to keep an eye on John to make sure he doesn’t hurt people more than necessary too. By the way, it makes me sad he arrived precisely when John, who was apparently doing pretty good before seeing the Deputy, lost it for just a few seconds...

On a side note, I like to imagine that, canonically, since Jacob represents the Horseman of the Apocalypse riding the Red Horse of War from the Book of Revelation, which inspired Joseph’s prophecy, he was supposed to be the second seal to be broken and therefore the first Herald to die. That could not only explain why John is so angry upon seeing the Deputy and wants to hurt them, but also why Jacob is not angry at all the first time we meet him. I know he’s not as emotional as John, but if the Baptist is already dead at this point, I find Jacob oddly calm for someone who’s just lost the little brother he “always tried to look out for”, says an NPC who then adds, “Imagine what [Jacob]'s gonna do when he finds out you killed him.”

Question 3:

Who was Holly to John? In the novel Far Cry Absolution, someone he had a casual sexual relationship with. In the game, though? Nobody, it seems.

In Far Cry 5, we learn thanks to an NPC and even in the unused encyclopedia that there is (or was) someone named Holly in Hope County who joined the cult, but she lived in the Henbane River region when, in the novel, she was Will Boyd’s neighbor, implying she lived in the Holland Valley. Also, in-game Holly had a girlfriend named Charlie who is never mentioned in the book (she had an abusive husband instead).

Sure, you can find a note at the Pepper Residence that she supposedly wrote and in which a husband is mentioned, but I think it’s inconsistent with the rest of the information the game gives about her. It feels like they wanted to make it look like she was the same Holly as in Absolution... but I don’t think it works very well. Plus, we know Eden’s Gate forbade fornication (sex between unmarried people) so it feels very out of character for cultists to do that and openly admit it, especially John who is obsessed with sin and always seeking Joseph’s approval.

Who was Terry to John? Most likely another cultist, but I don’t know more. The only time he’s mentioned is in the note “Your Question”, which John wrote as a reply to him, but there is no information about Terry or what his question was. Did John even know him personally or did he call him by name simply because Terry’s note was signed?

I wish we knew more and I really want to know what he asked, but yeah, all we can conclude is that he was a cult member. I like to imagine he may be the “T.J.” who wrote this note (in John’s Gate), though:

LOST KEY Has anyone seen the weapons locker key? I spent the whole day caring for the new arrivals and lost it somewhere. Last thing I want is for John to find out. If one of you is playing tricks on me, cut it out! T.J.

It’s also very possible they’re two different people; I’m just “headcanoning” here!

Question 4:

What happened to the woman in the DLC is unclear but, since all John does in Collapse is cut people because of those “urges” he can’t control, we can assume that’s what he did to her. Did she survive? They don’t say it, but the fact they made John say, “They’re going to find out what I did to her” makes me think she can’t talk about that herself anymore and is probably dead...

I’m going to talk more about John’s characterization in Collapse and more specifically about how it influenced people’s perception of him and his actions in my reply to your other ask.

[luv4slts]

Ultraviolence

- aemond targaryen x f!reader ˖⋆࿐໋₊

tags: targcest, smut, little angst, childhood friends/lovers wc: 1.4k — team black but i love him so bad y'all don't understand. anyways as you can tell by the title, i was listening to ultraviolence while writing this LMAO "...cause i was filled with poison but blessed with beauty and rage. aemond brought me back, reminded me of when we were kids."

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

No one truly knew who your mother was, as that would only be known to your father but even he most likely had forgotten her. It wouldn't matter either way as she had died in childbirth soon after delivering you. In the year of 112 AC, two years after the birth of Prince Aemond and two years before the marriage of Princess Rhaenyra and Ser Laenor, you were born. They say your father had gotten drunk that night to soothe his pains and sought out a maid to bed. The result of that night was the birth of a bastard. The beloved bastard of King Viserys Targaryen. Viserra was what your father had named you. For you resembled his great aunt with the same deep violet eyes, silver-gold hair, and fine features that she was renowned for. The similarities ended there though, as you often thought to yourself. However, as you got older your father would often comment on how similar you were with her when it came to things such as vanity. For most of your life you had bore the surname, Waters, as was the custom for all high born bastards. However, at the age of 5, your father had legitimized you as a Targaryen. You were the apple of his eye along with your elder sister. You loved your father dearly but loved your sister far more. When she left for Dragonstone, you followed her. You couldn't stand the Hightower's and they didn't take a liking to you either because of your heritage. Queen Alicent, your stepmother, would often make remarks but you didn't mind it too much. The only Hightower you tolerated was him. The elusive enigma, Aemond. You often pitied him as he was always picked on by your nephews for the dragon that he seemed to not possess. His older brother, Aegon, would often remind him of how unlucky he was if the gods provided bastards such as you and your nephews dragons before they did him. The only memories you have of him before the incident in Driftmark were fond. Often, you would both read stories of Old Valyria under the Godswood tree in the Red Keep. Or when you would take him to ride your dragon, hoping that he wouldn't feel as left out. Maybe you didn't know him well. That day he took the dragon of your cousin's mother who had passed, mocking them after doing so. After that day, any love you had for him was buried deep in you. Or so you thought.

“We’re almost here.” you snapped back from your thoughts as you got shaken from them by your nephew, Jacaerys.

“Good, my back hurts from the ride. I don’t know why she wouldn’t just let us ride our dragons to King’s Landing” you say while stretching out your back

It had been years since you had last visited King’s Landing. Most of your time had been spent on Dragonstone. You preferred the warmth and populace of the city but you would rather die than spend a second alone with the Hightower's.

You went to your chambers that you used when you were younger. Nothing much had changed in it, everything remained untouched. Opposed to the rest of the Red Keep where everything had been renovated in preference to heraldry of the Faith instead of the Targaryen tapestries and decorations. Must’ve been the Queen’s doing, you think to yourself. She was a fanatic of the Faith, after all. 

“Your grace, you will be expected to meet for supper later in the day.” 

“Thank you, Lelia. I will take a walk for now. You and Roslin may rest after unpacking everything.”

The first place you wanted to visit was the library where you had spent much of your childhood. You took a stroll to where it was located, many nobles passing by. You never liked the pleasantries of court life. Another reason for you leaving the Red Keep.

Finally, you reach the library. No one seemed to be here but that was common. Even as a child, this place was never one to be too lively. Aside from you, Aemond, and a few nobles coming here, no one else bothered. You liked the peace and quiet of it. It was a place to wind down after spending the day in court. You make your way over to the Valyrian Histories section, you probably read every book in here. Your interest in Old Valyria was probably one of the things you had inherited from your father. He was always building his sculptures of it from what you remember.

“Ēza issare iā dorolvie jēdri, mandia.” (It has been a few years, sister.) says a voice that you seem to recognize. Though it sounds much older and mature, the tone is the same nonetheless.

You notice him leaning on one of the shelves. He had grown comely these last years even after the loss of his eye. He was much taller too, no longer the boy you remember growing up with.

“It has. What brings you here? I thought you would’ve been busy practicing your swordsmanship.” you bring your attention back to the books, looking through the different titles and trying to find one you haven’t read before.

“I get tired of it” he trails off before continuing again, “and plus, nyke jeldan naejot ūndegon ao.” (I wanted to see you)

“I didn’t think you would’ve missed me so much, jorrāelagon lēkia. (dear brother) If I remember correctly, last time we were together, you had called me a lowly bastard.” you weren’t bothered by that comment that he had made all those years ago but if it made him feel worse then it would be all the more fun to resurface it.

You notice him out of the corner of your eye walking towards you but continue browsing the books before you feel his hand on your lower back. He seemed to be holding a book in his other hand, it had something written in High Valyrian but you couldn’t decipher as it was cut off by his leg. You straighten your back from your position, taking a look into his face. He was truly handsome, even the scar couldn’t take that away from him. You think it added to his beauty.

He hums before speaking, “I thought you would like this, I know you’re fond of Valyrian history, jorrāelagon lēkia. (dear sister) he says the last words in a mocking tone, imitating your own.

He extends his hand, revealing the book to you. Se jorrāelagon hen Meleys (The love of Meleys), it was the tale of the Valyrian goddess of love and fertility, Meleys. The same name given to the Red Queen. You were always a fan of the mythologies and tales of Valyrian gods. He would’ve known it better than anyone.

You reach out and try taking the book from him but he clutches it closer to him, “Shouldn’t I get some words of kindness and love before giving such a gift that took me ages to find?” he says teasingly while lowering his head to face yours, bringing the both of you face to face.

“Thank you so much.”

“Tsk tsk, that won’t do, my Viserra. Say it with more affection, now.”

My Viserra. You felt your face heat up at those words, the way he said it made you flutter. The years that passed had made his voice sound much more manly than boyish. It was as if it was laced with honey and ale.

You lean in closer, your lips almost hovering over his own, “I am very thankful for the great effort you went through. Is there anything you would like in return?”

“Hmm, maybe if you read the book with me. You know I have a love for the histories as much as you do.”

“Fine, can I have the book now?”

“Of course, my Viserra. You know I would never deny you of anything.”

You control yourself from not rolling your eyes at his comment. Was he always such a tease or had he developed this habit in the years you were gone? Who knows.

You grab the book from him before walking to the exit of the library, “I look forward to reading the book, thank you.”

You wonder back to your quarters, your maids weren’t in the room and your things were unpacked so you assumed they were in the kitchens. You called out to the guards, requesting that they come to prepare you for the supper as it was getting closer to nighttime. You weren't too fond of the idea of seeing your stepmother and other brother but you complied for the sake of your father whom you had missed these past years.

[spuffybaby]

Time to Heal (5)

chapter links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (6) (7)

Though the thought had not crossed her mind then, back in Sunnydale, Buffy figured she'd been few nights away from figuring out a way to be exactly in this position, Spike next to her in her bedroom instead of the basement, one hand behind his head to hold himself up on the pillow, the other holding a poetry collection from Dawn's room. His voice was lowered, Dawn was sleeping already, but Buffy heard it all perfectly clear, close enough as she kept her eyes closed, her head on the pillow, facing him. She felt relaxed, not just because Spike was there and because she no longer had to mourn him and the time they'd been robbed of, but because there was something soothing to his voice, beyond it just being him, the melodic tone in which he read so smoothly, the depth of his voice a contrast she didn't think she could grow tired of.

“Buffy?” He was quiet, had just concluded another poem, suspecting she'd fallen asleep.

Her eyes opened, half-lidded and fatigued, but her gaze met his as she looked up at him. “Spike?”

No matter how many times he heard it, he would never ever get enough of hearing her say his name, and the way she said it now, with her guard down and a softness he'd rarely ever had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of, he didn't deserve it. "Thought you were sleeping, pet,” he said.

“No,” she said, propping herself up onto her elbow, her face closer to his. “Don't wanna sleep yet.”

“Y'know you can,” he said. “I'll be here. Make sure you and your little bodyguard are alright.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “She missed you too, you know,” she said. “She always liked you.”

Spike chuckled. “I wouldn't say that. She once threatened to set me on fire.”

“She-” Buffy laughed. “I mean, I'm not surprised. She's protective. Like you.”

He raised his eyebrows. “'course I am,” he said.

“I never knew how much.”

The words were quiet, a mumble under her breath, but he'd heard her. “What d'you mean, love?” He tilted his head to the side, watching her closely.

“Dawn told me how you...” She took a deep breath. “When Faith took over before the battle... Dawn told me what you said when you found out that I was gone. That you stood up for me.”

“Oh, that,” he said. “Took me all I had not to go mental on them. Still can't believe all I did was fight Faith. I was ready to take 'em all on.”

Buffy watched the temporary anger in his features, then his face relax when he noticed the look in her eye.

“I knew you wouldn't have wanted me to, no matter what they'd done. Didn't matter. Had to give 'em a piece of my mind though.”

“Thank you,” she said.

“What did you expect?” he asked. “Told you how I felt every chance I got.”

She laughed quietly. “I know. Guess you're not the only one who finds these things hard to believe.” She shrugged. “Think I always thought you did good for me. To see. To show me.”

“In the beginning, yeah.” He shook his head. “But I told you then, I don't just want you. I want you to have what you want. I want to make sure you're safe, that you're happy.”

She blinked back at him. “You want me?” she asked before she could stop herself. “Still?”

Spike's brows furrowed. “Buffy.”

“Spike.” She waited.

He huffed out a laugh. “C'mon. You know the answer.”

“I don't,” she said.

He shuffled to sit up, placing the book at the end of her bed. “What would make you think I ever stopped?”

She felt her cheeks grow warmer. “Well, you used to tell me you were alright and not to worry. When I went on dates. You know, I... I just thought-”

“Buffy.” He shook his head. “Listen. My love for you might have changed when I got my soul, but I never stopped wanting you. Hell, the opposite if anything. Getting my soul showed me how much it meant for you to choose me, to trust me enough. It let me see so much more of you.” His jaw tensed. “Never think I don't want you.” His eyes were wide, the intensity in them keeping her hanging on to his every word. “I just learned to let you take the lead, make your choices.”

Buffy moved up so she was sat up on her knees, without hesitation she reached to cup the back of his neck and brought his face to hers, before he knew it her lips were pressed to his and it took everything he had to maintain his self-control, to not lose himself. 'Boy, would it hurt,' he thought. 'if she changes her mind.' It wasn't like he thought it wasn't worth it, it was what she wanted and that was enough, but he wanted it so badly, even if it meant just this one moment, he'd rather have that than nothing at all. Never would he have forgot the taste of her, but licking her lip, feeling her tongue, it was everything he hadn't thought he'd ever get to have again.

His hands were flat on the bed behind him and he moved closer to her, shifting to cup the back of her head, before he knew he held a fistful of her hair, moaned forcing her lips apart and when he heard a similar sound from her, he was gone, lost in her, there was nothing but the sweet smell of her skin and her hair, nothing but the taste of sugar and the sound of her wanting him.

He stopped himself, ever-scared of the moment where he couldn't. Though he was certain he wouldn't have had to because of her initiation, it was a risk he wasn't willing to take. They'd come so far and he wouldn't put it on the line. He knew he was a different man, but what he'd done to her before he'd got his soul back, it haunted him more than most demonic acts. Nothing in him thought he could do that to her again.

Her eyes opened, wide, surprised. “Are you sure?”

He'd have been out of breath if he could have been. “Don't let this be the only way I can prove it to you,” he pleaded. “I promise you it's not that I don't want you, I just-”

“You need time,” she nodded. She leaned back, sat on her feet.

He moved his hand to cup the side of her face, his thumb smoothing over her cheek. “Don't you?” He pursed his lips. “With this second, well, third chance we've got...” He gave her a small smile. “I want to do this right. You've got to understand... I can't risk any other way. That's how badly I want you.” The way she leaned into the touch of his palm almost broke him. “And you deserve things to be right.”

“Stay with me?” she asked. “Up here.”

His lips parted and he stared at her for a brief moment. Instead of speaking, he went to lie back again, extending his arm across the pillow. Seconds later, she was curled up to his side, his arm around her, her arm over him, her front pressed to his side, her head on his shoulder. It was the unique scent of him and the way he held her in a way that made her feel so well taken care of that she doubted anyone could ever compare. With his coat hung over the chair in the corner and his boots at the bottom of her bed, she hoped he'd fall asleep right beside her. But she wasn't ready yet.

“Thank you for reading to me.”

She could hear his smile in his voice. “My pleasure, pet.”

“You really like poetry.”

He chuckled. “Used to write it, didn't I?”

She opened his eyes, but his were closed, remaining so. “When you were human.”

He hummed. “After too. But I haven't since I... came back.”

“Would you read it to me?” She closed her eyes again.

To her surprise, he stayed quiet for a moment. “I don't know. Never got great feedback,” he said after a while.

He'd confessed his love for her in so many ways so openly, had been devoted to her for so long and yet, she felt if she continued to ask him about his past, about him, it would make him as hesitant as asking him to read to her in the first place had.

“If we do this the right way,” she said quietly. “You have to tell me about you. I mean, I want to know. Who you were. Who you are.”

“Buffy, love...” He opened his eyes, saw her face against his chest, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “You know. Just a man who would do anything for you, striving to be what you deserve. And...” It took him a moment to continue, it was different to say these things that she could really hear, that she really took in now. “I'm an open book to you. I'll tell you whatever you want.”

She shuffled slightly, just enough to be able to reach the skin of his throat with her lips, pressing a kiss to his adam's apple. “Tell me you know you deserve me. And better.”

He opened his mouth, but she cut him off.

“And mean it,” she added.

He sighed, his arm tightening around her as he settled on the pillow. “Oh, Buffy.”

[aleksanderscult]

I don't care for Zoya, and duology did little to redeem her in my eyes. She isn't a "hero" material - which in itself wouldn't be bad, but she also isn't interesting enough to be a villain (theoretically). Nothing about her makes me want to go - oh, I want to know more about this character and her motivations! On the other hand, I guess she and Nikolai do deserve each other.

Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear anonymous glasses.

You, my friend, spoke only truth.

I also want to say about this new trend that is very popular the last 5-6 years. The trend of "we make women tough to the point of having no empathy, no kindness. Just being bitches. That's it". And I hate it SO MUCH you have no idea. And Zoya has become this type of character. I didn't care for her in the trilogy. But in the duology I just straight hated her. And this whole "we give a very sad background to characters that we want you to like" needs to stop honestly. You don't have to give a melodramatic background to every single one morally good character so you can make the reader like him. And that's another thing that Bardugo gave to Zoya so that we can sympathize with her.

Her whole character is shit and has been this way from the beginning. She started as a bully and she continues to be a bully.

So why we, the readers, should like her? Because she had a sad past? Well okay in that case why shouldn't we like the Darkling too? Didn't he have a shit life as well?

Anyway, you're right. And duology!Nikolai and Zoya truly deserve each other. I don't even like that ship. And I don't think the majority of this fandom cares what will happen to them from now on. Personally, I don't even have any faith that the future books of the Grishaverse are going to bring improvement to these characters. On the contrary, they will become worse.

Send me your unpopular opinion

[orenji-iro-no-sora]

Thoughts on TGCF Vol 3

Vol 1 | Vol 2| Vol 3| Vol 4| Vol 5| Vol 6| Vol 7| Vol 8

*Spoilers*

Arc 2: Heart as gentle as a flower

I didn't talk much about the second arc in the last post because most of everything happened in the third volume and I wanted to keep it all together.

To me, this arc was the hardest to read up till now. I was wishing for it all to end which was a sentiment that took over Xie Lian as well as his confidence in what it means to do the right thing waned with the progression of Xianle-Yongan conflict. While in the beginning, he believed wholeheartedly that saving someone, doing something was still better than nothing at all, by the end of it, it was clear that much of his suffering had been futile.

It truly was a hopeless conflict, I reflected a lot on what could be done, what really is the right thing to do and in the end there were no answers. In the face of destiny, there's not much anyone can do and as the state preceptor said: when humans ascend, they're still humans. Gods are still humans, they don't know better and they can't save anyone. Only people believed that Xie Lian should be invincible. He wasn't and could never be.

I applaud MXTX for her depiction of the events as something genuinely unstoppable with so many factors that it becomes paralysing to take any decisions. Having kindness and compassion for all means that making 'necessary' sacrifices is unacceptable as there's nothing, no act in this world that's wholly beneficial, it'll harm someone or something. There's no pure goodness.

Xie Lian did his best though, all his decisions were deliberate, rooted in his virtue, kindness and his desire to save people. He walked the walk, it just didn't make any difference. He was too young to have faced it all and by the end of it, the exhaustion and the inadequacy of his powers caught up to him.

Death isn't something that is deserved/undeserved, it's not punishment that the innocents must be protected from. It simply is and that I think is the most important lesson here.

Qi Rong and the Human Face Disease

Qi Rong was a nuisance from the start. He really brings out the worst in Xie Lian (sibling effect). Out of everyone, he believed too much in Xie Lian's indestructibility and it's not shocking that he ended up hating him so, commissioning those disrespectful statues, inciting the populace to blame him for it all, burning his mother's corpse and possessing Guzi's father. Hua Cheng's hate for him makes complete sense. Xie Lian feeding him his deathly congee was hilarious though.

I didn't realise the severity of Human Face Disease when it was first mentioned in Vol 1. But arc 2 really presented it as one of the creepiest fictional diseases I've ever read. It's the most horrific manifestation of unjust death and I'm just glad it's not a real life thing.

Mu Qing, Feng Xin and The Three Tumors

Seeing the relationship the Xianle trio shared with each other, I finally understood the awkwardness in their interactions during the first volume. While Feng Xin is fairly easy to understand (loyal, faithful, straightforward), I think Mu Qing is one of the most interesting characters. He's insecure but decisive, he respects Xie Lian but also envies him. To him, the end justifies the means which is in complete contradiction to Xie Lian who wants justice at all levels. There are so many complicated emotions between them and the way they go about it is entertaining to read. I hope they can clear out the misunderstanding as we progress further in the story.

The interactions between the Heavenly Officials, especially the Three Tumors, were unexpectedly funny. Every official is multi-dimensional and has a unique personality. It really offered the much needed light-heartedness after the misery of the second arc. I also really like the Wind Master. He's friendly, even when he messes up in shielding Xie Lian from others (poor guy has bad timings). I am looking forward to how they'll deal with the Reverend.

Side note- Ming Yi focused only on the feast is so me lol.

Hua Cheng's unwavering devotion, first kiss, Ruoye vs eming

I didn't expect them to have met so many times. They really were connected throughout their lives. Out of everyone, I think he was the only one who reciprocated Xie Lian's kindness and consideration.

In my heart, you are god! You are the only god, the one true god! Do you hear me?!”

He fulfilled his promise of building the most extravagant temple for Xie Lian and celebrating him with plays and three thousand lanterns. (XL is the light of his life after all). They're so cute and they finally kissed!! Underwater too!! It was still weird though. Just as weird as Xie Lian's heat from the Land of the Tenders. I don't know what I think about it all except for it reminded me of the awkwardness of Mo Dao Zu Shi.

Another cute thing was Ruoye showing off in front of Eming as he cut vegetables for Xie Lian's poisonous soup (?). Them competing against each other and puffing out when Xie Lian praised them was the highlight for me.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Do you think in a scenario where if it was Toph or Sokka or Zuko (less compassionate people than Katara) who wanted to venture and avenge their murdered mother, Aang would tell him/her the exact same thing he told Katara? That forgiveness is the only way to heal?

Yes, because:

1 - That was still what Aang believed to be an universal truth about forgiveness/healing, until Katara managed to find closure without it, which he respected. It's still how he, personally goes about it.

2 - Aang is still a pacifist. He's not gonna support murder. It's just not gonna happen. Doesn't mean he'll immediately hate the guts of anyone who disagrees with him or has killed in the past, but it is still his world-view.

3 - Aang is a compassionate character that felt empathy for the prince that was chasing him around the world and for the man that literally told him he and his people didn't deserve to live and were weak. If he sees someone SO hurt that they think they need to kill to deal with it, he IS gonna step in and try to help them see that isn't the answer. It doesn't matter if it's his crush, one of his friends, an ally, an enemy, a stranger - Aang is not the person to just ignore the signs that someone is basically crying for help.

4 - The characters you mentioned, Sokka, Toph and Zuko, are his friends. Aang is gonna speak frankly to his friends, especially if he believes they're making a big mistake that they'll regret.

5 - The characters you mentioned are NOT less compassionate than Katara. They express it differently because of their personalities and life-experiences, but they still feel it as intensely, that's why they're heroes.

Sokka was the first to notice something was off about Jet because he was reacting with far too much violence and hostility, and while he wanted to stick to the schedules and avoid unnecessary risks, he was always proud of Katara stepping up to help people and often JOINED her in the efforts because he could see she was right.

Toph warms up to Zuko almost as fast as Aang did, and still wants to give him a chance even after he confessed to sending an assassin after them AND accidentally burned her feet.

And yes, Zuko did plenty of awful, selfish things that hurt people on a personal and societal scale - but we gotta remember that even with a lifetime of indoctrination as well as physical abuse and being kicked out of his home for daring to question a cruel "strategy" (or the betrayal and murder of loyal soldiers who love and protect the very people that are sending to die, as Zuzu so kindly put) he STILL ended up on the right side eventually, fighting to save the innocent. The very fact that he constantly had to have his compassion for others beaten out of him already shows that he has PLENTY of it and would likely never lose it completely because caring for others is a core part of who he is as a person.

Forcing themselves to be comfortable with the thought of having to kill someone because it's necessary does not mean lack of compassion. Being suspicious of people who might want to hurt them is not lack of compassion. Being child soldiers that are doing their best to deal with an awful, unfair world that is out to get them is not lack of compassion.

Even WANTING to kill after being pushed too far is not a inherent lack of compassion - Katara and Aang themselves were both pushed to that point.

So yes, Aang would still give the same advice if we replaced Katara with literally anyone else on the planet during that scene. The only difference is that I don't see Aang giving anyone but her permission to take Appa - the animal guide that he has a deep spiritual bond with, and that is one of the last surviving pieces of his culture of PACIFISTS - on a trip with the goal of killing someone.

But he allowed Katara to do it. Because he has that much faith that, at the end of the day, she will be able to do what is right in general AND what is right for herself without him having to play a part in it.

[ghostprincessworld]

Headcanon that at some point, when they are like 27/28 Gauntwood goes on like a 1 month "vacation" without any of the staff. It will be nice to be truly alone together. They rent a cabin that is a bit isolated, not to far form markets and such.

However, they forgot to account for the fact that they don't know how to take care of themselves:

Day 1&2

Going alright, they brought a few meals with them. 

they are free to love each other openly in this private place, this place is beautiful and they love it!

except when they go to bed, they note that the bed had not been made that morning. This is never properly resolved. There are a few attempts to make it, but they resign themselves to a poorly made (mostly an unmade) bed

Day 3

Prepared meals are gone. they go to the market, They have a fun time.

Sidney has no doubts they can figure it out, Henry is like, "Have you ever cooked a chicken before?"Well, no, but I used to watch my mum do it when I was a kid," Henry has absolute faith in his husband because he's an idiot 

“So we just put it in the oven? The chicken and the veggies?" "Yeah that's how my mum did it!" (They are making roast potatoes, carrots, and chicken)

they didn't use any seasonings, butter, or oil, the chicken is overcooked, so dry and plain. The potatoes and carrots are too hard and burnt at the same time. 

"Sidney, I love you, but this is disgusting."

“No, you're right. If you stop loving me, I'll understand." 

they end up picking through it just eating the least inedible parts it's not a lot, and they eat a lot packaged snacks that night

Day 5 

Henry has a brilliant (terrible) idea, he's going to make them breakfast, eggs, and lamb sausage.

Sidney comes into the kitchen when there is smoke everywhere

they put out the smoke, and the (unseasoned) eggs are burnt to the pan.

"WHAT is going on!!!" "I was uhh... making breakfast..."Why did you cook it so long?" "Excuse me, I didn't want us to get salmonella!"

For dinner, they plan to make pasta. Together, this is going to be a team effort. Henry immediately puts the dry noodles in a pot and no water, Sidney stops him.

They call Maud, and she laughs at her useless brother and his husband but agrees to help

"Okay now you'll wanna add any veggies to the sauce" "veggies...?i didn't get any" "okay skip that, just add your seasonings" "seasonings?" "Okay... it gonna be a bit plain"

"Why are all noodles sticking together weird?" "Did you salt the water like I said?" "Oh..."

S: what if we heat the water up twice as hot , then we can cook the noodles half the time 

H: No, it will probably burn them

M: idiots you can't heat water past boiling

Pasta is plain, but edible

Other cooking mishaps:

Pasta take 2: no veggies again, goes way to hard on the seasonings, add like every single one, there is cinnamon in the pasta

Henry makes eggs(unseasoned) bacon and toast (only a little burnt)

"Henry, I love you so much, and this is so sweet, but I don't eat pork"

"Oh god! I knew that! The butcher was just looking at me, and I panicked. " Henry is about to cry

Sidney spends way too long slicing (mutilating) a loaf of bread with a meat knife

Cleaning

By day 3 all of their clothes are wrinkled because they don't know how to iron and they didn't pack them well

It fine they are mostly being seen by just each other, but it makes them feel icky

At the market a woman is looking at henry, and he get insecure and just tells her unprompted that his wife is too sick to iron

By 2 weeks in they have no clean clothes

S: What if we just sent it all to the dry cleaner

H: You wanna send our underwear to the dry cleaners? No we are supposed to be learning this, we are living a simple life

S: What if we were just naked from now on

Back on the phone with Maud, they learn how to wash clothes. They have pasta stained clothes they can't fix. Clothes are wearable again, still wrinkly :(

They wash no dishes for the first 4 days, it's a terrible mess. It takes 15 min to scrub the burnt pan because they didn't realise they can soak the bad dishes

The whole place is a bit dusty by the end

Fun stuff

There is a lake on the property and they go skinny dipping

They fish (and successfully cook it over a fire)

Stargaze: “hey did you that constellation [insert greek info dump]” nerd

Ellwood convinces Gaunt to dance with him

They play card games

They get to be domestic without any prying eyes

Overall, they had a great time! They picked up some novice-level skills along the way and, despite the chaos, they’d be willing to try this again in the future (and they do). When they get back they are this close to kissing Luis on the mouth.

[melishade]

Attack on Prime: What if Optimus arrived in Episode 1 instead of Episode 5?

Main Story

Peaceful Timeline Pilot

Beloved Timeline Pilot

Summary: After the events of Predacons Rising, Optimus became one with Primus to ensure life would flourish on his world. But instead of eternal peace, he is somehow sent to the world of the Titans: where humans are no longer at the top of the food chain and are only safe behind walls. But instead of being sent to the Battle of Trost, he is sent to the moment where it all began: the fall of Shinganshina.

(Okay, so I have been…feeling like shit lately, which is kind of why I took a break. I needed the break. I had a lot going on. But I'm glad I did. I was really productive when it came to both writing and drawing. I finished this. I made progress on Guren No Yumiya. It's not finished. I wish it was. I made a few art pieces and animatics (poorly drawn animatics but I take pride in them). And I wrote the pilot for the Episode 1 timeline. It's definitely the shortest one out of the ones I've published so far, possibly because I didn't need to do too much set up.

Other than that, Happy Stabby Caesar Day and enjoy!)

"I only ask of this of you fellow Autobots: keep fighting the noblest of fights." Optimus requested.

"You can count on us to keep the peace." Bumblebee reassured.

Optimus gave a small yet bitter smile for his team. He stared a little longer than he thought, doing his best to memorize their faces, knowing that this would be the last time he saw them. The Prime then turned back to the mouth of the well, feeling a strange sensation at how long the drop was. Optimus then activated the jet wings on his back, and he flew high into the sky. The Autobots watched in sadness as Optimus turned around and dove headfirst towards the core of their planet: to Primus himself.

The closer that Optimus got to the center of their planet, the brighter the light of the core had become. It had been eons since he had come to this place to receive the Matrix of Leadership, and now, it was time for him to give it back. He opened his chest, revealing the Matrix of Leadership in all of its glory. As he was almost to the core, he began to think to himself. He was happy. He was happy that the fighting was finally over. He can die happy knowing that he brought back peace and saved the planet that gave him life. He knew his comrades, his family, would keep the peace. He had complete faith in them.

He closed his optics and a small smile formed on his face as he let warm light consume him.

The sounds of thunder caused his optics to snap open. He shot up to a sitting position, looking around frantically wondering what that sound was. It's only when his vision began to focus that he realized that...he was somewhere else. He was...back on Earth? It...it looked like Earth. The sky was slightly cloudy, but the sun was beginning to set, changing the color of the sky from blue to orange. He was surrounded by tall pine trees, and the blades of grass prickled the metal of his dark servos.

Wait...dark? Optimus raised his servo to his faceplate and was stunned to see the older model. The upgrade that he acquired from the forge of Solus Prime had changed the color and the structure of his servos. Optimus looked down at his legs and found that they weren't robust but slender. Even his back felt lighter. Optimus heard the sounds of rushing water and stood up. He followed the sounds to a clear river, traveling down his right side through the forest ahead. The Prime kneeled down to see his reflection, and nearly gasped at the sight of him. He was back in his old form. Optimus couldn't help but touch his audio receptors and his antennae to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. But sure enough, it was there. It was real. He was alive.

But...why? He shouldn't be alive. He should be one with Primus or reincarnated. Did merging with Primus not work? Were the souls of the Allspark still with him? No...no they couldn't be. When he merged them all with his own spark and the Matrix, he could feel their presence, practically hear them all shouting. But now...it was quiet.

Why in the Allspark did this feel like déjà vu?

Optimus gasped when he felt the ground quake and lightning come down from the sky. His gaze followed the direction of the lightning strike and saw that it struck a massive wall off in the distance. The Prime stared in horror at the sight of a massive, skinless, Titan that peered over the wall. Its muscles were just as red as blood. Optimus transformed into his old alt mode and drove as fast as he could towards the wall and the massive threat. When he arrived, he transformed back into his bipedal mode and skidded to a stop to the now destroyed entrance of the wall. Optimus saw the massive bodyseated at the entrances, the muscles and skeletons slowly dissolving into hot steam. Optimus also noticed a figure climbing over the wall, but before he could pursue, the sounds of terrified screams caught his attention. Optimus ran through the destroyed gate and stared in horror at the sight of giant, naked titans lumbering towards humans with permanent expressions of apathy, sadness, and most uncomfortably, glee. These titans picked up the humans running for their lives and started to devour them. Some would be swallowed whole while others would be killed by the strong bite force of these creatures. Blood spewed onto their bodies and onto the ground, creating more panic and terror among the populous.

Optimus gritted his dentas before letting his battle mask cover his mouth on instinct. He pulled out both blasters from his arms and aimed at the titan that was closest to him which was holding a human. He shot the titan through the head, causing the beast to tilt and fall over on its side, hitting the ground hard. Optimus noticed the way the titan body began to disintegrate and turn into steam like the massive pile of skeletons outside. His blasters were good; they were effective in taking out the threat. Optimus started running through the town and shooting down any titans that were in his line of sight. He then spotted a sadistic looking titan with an unhinged smile pulling a woman from the rubble of a wreckage. The long rows of unnecessary teeth scared him, and he saw the way the woman was beating against the hand that was holding her. As the titan reached out with its other hand to snap her spine, Optimus used his blaster and fired at the titan.

===

Eren tried. He really, really tried to pull the roof of the house off of his mom with Mikasa's help. But they couldn't do it. They were too weak. Not even the motivation of the people's screams and the titans invading their home could give them enough of that adrenaline to lift the damn wood off of their mother's back! Where was dad?! Someone help them!

“Then I’ll carry you out of here mom!” Eren swore as blood continued to seep from his wounds.

“Damn it Eren! Why won’t you listen to your mother for once in your life?! Just this one thing!” Carla shouted at him before turning to Mikasa, “Mikasa make him!”

Mikasa’s mouth grew tight as she hung her head and swallowed her tears, continuing to try and pull the roof off of her mother, “I…I can’t!”

Eren saw Hannes! He heard Hannes fly in and his mother call out his name! He felt some hope! Yes! Hannes could distract the titans while they got their mom out! He ignored what his mother was screaming at Hannes as he ran towards the titan coming towards them. C'mon! C'mon! Hannes please buy enough time! Just enough time! But Eren was then taken aback when Hannes’ arm wrapped around him. He was heaved over the man shoulder as he went to grab Mikasa.

"Hey! Hannes! What the hell are you doing?!" Eren screamed at him as Hannes began to run away. He could still see his mother trapped in the rubble and tried to reach out for her. "We can't leave her! Mom!"

"Eren! Mikasa!" He could see Carla reaching out for them, "You need to live on!"

Eren gasped when a titan landed on top of their house and dug through the rubble. He saw the titan pull his mother out of the rubble and screamed for her. "STOP!"

Carla slammed her fist on the hand that was holding her. The titan terrified her so much, but she still had to fight. She had to try and fight her way out of this beast's grip. But it was no use. The titan, with that wide, sadistic, permanent smile reached its other hand out towards her. To crush her. She didn't want to die! Please she didn't want to!

Unexpectedly, the titan's head exploded in a ball of blue light, causing Carla to scream and for Eren to gasp in confusion. What...what the hell was that?! Eren realized from the second ball of blue light that hit the titan in the chest that it was an attack. Someone, something, attacked the titan! Carla screamed as the titan body toppled over and hit the ground hard. The grip on the decaying, eroding, corpse loosened, allowing her to scramble out and crawl away using her hands.

"Hannes!" Eren yelled as he slammed his fist onto his head. Eren gasped when he noticed another abnormal titan running up to the house. Up to his mother! "HANNES TURN AROUND!"

"Kid, we can't-!" Hannes froze when he noticed the strange titan and quickly ran back to rubble.

"Ma'am, are you alright?!" a voice called out to her. Carla was about to respond, but froze when she realized what was speaking. She looked up to see a metal titan adorned in red and blue. It had no mouth to speak of, but those glowing blue eyes were scaring her to the point where she started screaming again and scrambling to get away. She tried to get up and walk, but she was sure the titan holding her really crushed her legs! She couldn't get up!

"Ma'am, I will not hurt you!" The titan spoke again, trying to reassure her.

"Get away from her!" Hannes yelled at the titan, still holding the two children.

Carla gasped and swatted her hand at them. "Hannes! Run! RUN!"

The titan noticed them and quickly stood up and raised its foot high into the air.

"Oh shit!" Hannes yelled, preparing to be crushed and eaten. He kneeled down to protect the kids in his arms from the impact, but the titan kicked a four meter class titan in the neck that was right behind them and almost killed the trio, punting it high into the air and over the wall, right back to the outside!

"Huh?" Mikasa could only emit in fear.

"Shit!" Eren bit Hannes' hand, forcing the Garrison to let him go and for him to roll on the ground. "MOM!" He scrambled to his feet and ran to his mother, ignoring her pleas to stay away. He tackled her into a hug and started crying in her arms.

"Eren, you need to go! Go now!" Carla begged her son.

"I swear to you I will not harm you!" the titan swore, causing Eren to stare up in shock. Titans...titans can speak? The titan was suddenly alerted to the sound of screams and saw another human in the grasp of a titan. It pulled out a gun, and Carla instinctively shielded her body on top of Eren's as the titan fired that blue light to kill the titan. The titan then noticed Hannes and seemed to look him up and down, like he was examining him.

"Are you military?!" The titan demanded.

"Y-yes! I-!"

"Get the civilians out of here, now!" the titan ordered. Eren managed to catch the strange symbol of a face on his arm before it suddenly...shifted?...transformed?...into a strange carriage. He rode as fast as the wind into the ongoing chaos in Shinganshina. Was it…going to save the people here? Was a titan actually going to save humanity?!

"What?" Eren muttered wordlessly.

"Can you walk?!" Hannes asked Carla.

"I can't feel my legs!" Carla answered.

"Alright!" Hannes quickly set Mikasa down before carrying Carla bridal style, "We need to get you three to the boat! C'mon! Run!"

"What was that?!" Mikasa asked.

"I don't know, just run!" Hannes ordered.

Eren and Mikasa started running towards the gate to Wall Maria with Hannes following close behind.

Meanwhile, Optimus continued driving his way throughout the walled town, transforming into his bipedal mode to take out as many titans as possible with his blasters. He wasn't sure how to seal the breach in the outer wall, but he knows that if another one is made through the gate in the inner wall, then there would be more consequences and lives lost.

That's when Optimus spotted it. An Armored Titan in a sprinting position, the trajectory towards that undamaged gate. As the titan began running, Optimus drove as fast as he could towards the gate, scaring the humans in his way and causing them to jump out of the way. When he reached the gate, the Armored Titan had almost bulldozed his way through, but Optimus rammed the titan into its side, causing the two of them to crash into multiple houses.

Optimus transformed into his bipedal mode and punched the Armored Titan twice in the face, but the Armored Titan grabbed him and threw him off of it. Optimus easily landed on his feet and skidded to a stop. Optimus noticed the Armored Titan’s had no real expression, its face adorned in armored leaving a permanent expression of stern and intimidating. But the body language of the beast said otherwise. It was afraid of him. It was scrambling to its feet to try and get into a fighting stance to counter attack, but Optimus bolted and tackled it to the ground and the rubble.

The Garrison atop the houses watched in stunned silence at the sight. That Metal Titan was fighting the Armored Titan. Titans were fighting amongst themselves. And from what some had seen earlier, this Metal Titan was protecting humanity! What kind fucked up situation was that?!

Optimus used all of his strength to pin the Armored Titan to the ground, shoving his servo in its face to keep it there. "Stay down!" Optimus grunted when the Armored didn't listen and smacked him in the face hard with its arm. Optimus rolled across the ground and crashed into a few houses. He sat up and watched the Armored shed the armored plating behind its lower legs before bolting towards him. Optimus quickly transformed and drove backwards, leading the Armored further and further away from the gate that was now reopening to take more civilians.

"Go! GO!" A Garrison screamed at the civilians as they ran through the gate.

"Is there still a boat here?!" Hannes demanded, still carrying Carla in his arms, with Eren and Mikasa close behind.

"Hannes, what the hell are you doing?! Get back to your station!" the Garrison ordered.

"Not until I get them to safety!" Hannes shouted.

The Garrison looked annoyed and conflicted but pointed behind him, "Get to the boat before it leaves!"

"C'mon!" Hannes ordered the children as they continued running. Eren couldn't help but look back at the chaos happening behind them. A titan...fighting for humanity? A titan...that saved humans? It was surreal, a reversal of everything he ever knew, and stuff he felt needed to be called into question.

“Eren!” Eren snapped his head to the voice calling his name and gasped when he saw Armin waving to him on the boat, his grandfather seated on the ground with only his hat visible.

“Armin!” Eren called out to him as the four of them boarded the boat.

“What’s going on?!” Armin asked as Hannes set Carla on the ground.

“There’s a Metal Titan!” Eren explained, “And it’s fighting some Armored Titan and stopping it from destroying the wall!”

“What?!” Armin exclaimed.

Optimus skidded to a stop and drove in a circle, tripping the Armored and causing it to slam into the ground face first. Optimus saw cracks form in the Armored face before running and punching it in the face to the ground. Optimus grabbed the creatures arm and used all of his strength to twist it. The Armored had size going for it. It was clearly much bigger than him, but it clearly lacked battle experience. Optimus knew where to press his pedes, where to put more strain to twist. He let out a battle cry before twisting the arm clean off and tossing it to the side. The arm crashed into some houses and two other smaller titans.

Optimus was distracted by that moment of victory when the Armored used the remaining arm to smack him in the chest. Optimus yelled in pain at the sensation, and the Armored used its remaining arm to grab him by the face and slam him into the ground. Optimus could feel pain shoot up his back. He could feel the dirt and debris scratch his paint and metal plating, but Optimus grit his teeth and endured the pain. Optimus transformed his servo into a blaster and aimed it directly at its face. Before the Armored had time to process, Optimus fired, shattering the cracked, armored plating in one go. The Armored yelled in pain, scratching at its face to try and get rid of the energon burning in its muscle. The pieces of the armor hit the ground before it slowly began to erode. Optimus jumped and smacked the blaster in the Armored face, knocking it to the ground. Optimus then used his blaster to blow off the left leg of the Armored, causing it to cry out even louder.

Optimus saw that it was immobile and stood atop it. He aimed his blaster directly at the titan's face. For some reason, he managed to catch tears streaming down that charred face, but the Prime chose to ignore it. There were too many lives currently at risk, and this titan was going to raise that causality count even higher by destroying that gate. He had to make a decision.

Optimus charged his blaster at the Armored's head, blowing it clean off, and leaving nothing but the nape of the neck. Optimus watched the titan body crumble and decay under his pede. The remaining armor eroded, then the muscle, and finally, the bones turned to nothing but dust. Optimus’ pede that was resting on the Armored’s chest ended up hitting the ground once the body was gone. Organic material isn’t able survive the full force of energon based weapons. The enemy was taken care of.

However, Optimus was alerted to the sounds of more terrified screams and turned his helm to the chaos that was still happening and the titans still running rampant across the town. He noticed a human flying towards him with that strange contraption around his waist. "Evacuate the humans! I will deal with the titan threat!"

"Wait-!" Hannes watched the titan run towards the hostile titans in the around Shinganshina. It continued to kill the titans with its guns, without even hitting them in the neck. It was…amazing, awe-inspiring. This titan was able to save humanity from losing Wall Maria. Hannes snapped out of his shock and went right back into the fray, trying to find as many survivors as possible, unaware of the two children atop the walls. A boy carried an exhausted girl on her back and ran along the length of the massive structure.

==

The Survey Corps was having a bad day. Well, they've always had bad days. It was never easy for them.

They had always suffered heavy losses when they came back from their expeditions from outside the walls. But when they returned, and they had given the arm of Moses to the weeping mother, something inside of their Commander Keith Shadis clearly snap. He broke. He broke down in front of everyone and walked away in shame. He had given up. All those years of leading and failing had finally taken its toll on Keith. The next thing they all new, Erwin had become the 13th Commander of the Survey Corps.

Erwin had to go through protocol. Appoint scouts to squad leader positions, inform Zackley about the change in command. It was late and it was quite a bit of work to accomplish, but then...they heard about the wall being breached. About a large Colossal Titan with no skin that was as tall as the wall, kicking the gate in and letting titans inside.

Erwin noticed the way that both Levi and Mike were staring at him, almost like they were judging him. “What?”

"Five minutes after you get this shit show, Shinganshia's under attack.” Levi remarked.

Erwin sighed at that. He supposed that the timing could have been better. "Yes, Levi, the irony is not lost on me.”

"More like a bad omen," Mike added.

The report was a mere hours ago, considering that information had to be transferred by horseback. But the Survey Corps were on high alert. They immediately got their supplies, their 3D gear, mounted their horses, and headed towards Shinganshina.

But Erwin had also heard an extremely conflicting report on the way there, something everyone found to be completely unexpected: the titans were fighting each other. An Armored Titan was fighting a Metal Titan. Both had displayed intelligence, and the Metal Titan had killed the Armored Titan, protecting Wall Maria from falling to the titans. Other reports were still hard to accept, like this Metal Titan wielding guns that could kill titans without hitting the nape of the neck, but a titan protecting humans instead of killing? What could that possibly mean for humanity as a whole?

When they arrived to Shinganshia, the Garrison reluctantly opened the gate to allow them into the walled city. Mike noticed the way the Garrison soldiers were still assisting injured civilians out of the rubble and through the now open gate.

"The Metal Titan's at the exit of Shinganshina, killing titans with his strange weapons," a soldier, Hannes, informed.

"Did you just say he?" Hanji started to grin.

"No," Mike warned them.

"He's been trying to prevent more titans from coming into the city, but we don't have all the resources to get everyone else out," Hannes continued.

"What do you mean by 'he'?" Levi demanded, "There's no way a titan is sentient."

"Check for yourself, but we need help getting people out," Hannes requested, "Some are still stuck in their homes."

Erwin turned to Nanaba. "Help with recovery and evacuation."

"Yes, sir!" Nanaba saluted before addressing her fellow comrades on what to do next. Erwin immediately flew over the ruined houses of Shinganshina, followed by Levi, Mike, and Hanji. The quartet examined their surroundings and was internally horrified. The day that they had all feared: the titans’ invading, had come true. But...where were the titan bodies? The decaying corpses? Where was the corpse of the Armored Titan? They were practically non-existent. There was only rubble and human remains, but nothing else.

"Sir," Mike called out as he pointed ahead, his nose flaring up as he did so. The four of them landed on the houses near the broken gate, and were stunned at the sight. A giant, metal, titan, its torso and arms red and its legs and head blue, stood in front of the damaged gate with a glowing blue gun for an arm. A titan started lumbering through the entrance, but they all witnessed the sight of the gun glowing brighter before firing at the titan before him. The titan was shot in the head, but instead of regenerating, its body began to erode and fade away. It collapsed on the ground before turning to bones, and then smoke.

"Holy shit." Even the captain was taken off-guard by the sight. They had just witnessed a titan kill another titan without even touching the nape of the neck! How?! That was supposed to be impossible.

"I must study him!" Hanji tried to leap forward, but Mike quickly grabbed them and wrestled them back. Hanji yelled in protest, but their cry quickly got the attention of the titan, who looked back at them. Erwin had noticed the being wearing a mouth guard of some kind, and the blue of its eyes mirrored that of the weapon for an arm.

"Hello!" Hanji greeted with a wave.

"Are you the reinforcements the others have informed me of?" the titan asked them. It speaks. It actually speaks! It didn't have a mouth but it spoke a clear and concise sentence!

"Yes," Erwin spoke, trying his best to keep his composure, "My name is Erwin Smith: the Commander of the Survey Corps."

"I am pleased to make your acquaintance; however, I cannot move from my post, Commander," The titan explained, "I wish to aid the humans that need to evacuate the city, but if I leave, more titans may come in and cause more damage. Can you provide assistance in removing the civilians from the area?"

"We are currently working on that, but there is concern about your intentions-!"

"I do not consume humans," The titan automatically replied.

"That was quick." Levi narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"My race requires a different fuel source for consumption," the titan explained as he shot at another titan without even looking, "One that I will need to locate in a different time. For now, I wish to focus my attention on the task at hand."

"I need to take notes." Hanji grunted as they tried to get out of Mike's grip once more.

Erwin did his best to assess the situation with what he had, but he ultimately came to a conclusion. "Assist the others in evacuation."

"Erwin, you can't be serious," Mike said.

"This is an opportunity we can't waste," Erwin whispered to him before turning back to the titan, "If you are truly a sentient being, do you have a name?"

"My name is Optimus Prime," the titan answered.

"A name," Hanji squealed.

"Thank you for your assistance," Erwin said before beckoning his comrades to follow him. They followed him away from the titan, and once Erwin believed he was out of ear shot, he spoke, "Play along for now. We will be stationed here until the wall has been repaired. We need all eyes on him at all times."

Hanji raised their hand. “Can I study him?”

“From afar,” Erwin warned.

“Yes,” Hanji grinned.

“Erwin, we just saw that titan kill other titans,” Levi retorted, “How the hell are we supposed to counter attack if that gun is turned on us.”

“I don’t know,” Erwin answered, “But if we play our cards right, we could have a valuable asset to humanity and the Survey Corps. Mortality rates among troops would be reduced. Knowledge could be shared. Territory could be expanded.”

“Or this titan could let other ones in,” Mike retorted.

“But he’s killing our titans,” Hanji retorted.

“I meant others like him,” Mike clarified, “He smells different from the other titans. He smells like metal, gunpowder, and smoke. Erwin, what if he’s not the only one?”

“…I don’t know how to provide a solution to that,” Erwin confessed, “But I can’t pass up this opportunity out of fear. This is the first time in a long time that humanity has had hope. I’m not going to throw away that chance.”

The others looked at each other with concern before turning back to their Commander.

“Whatever you say,” Levi spoke, “We trust you.”

“Thank you,” Erwin said, glancing back to see the titan at the entrance to the Walls. He could’ve sworn that the titan looked back at them and the two made eye contact. Erwin could feel it in his gut. This was the beginning. This was the beginning of humanity’s counterattack.

(A few notes:

-Again, the shorter pilots out of the other two. Peaceful Timeline and Beloved Timeline needed to set up characters and the weight of time. Episode 1 doesn't need to do that because it's the beginning of the series. -I wanted to show that Reiner was panicked at the sight of Optimus. Not just because he was ill-prepared for a titan like him, but also because Reiner is still not in the correct emotional headspace after the loss of Marcel just hours prior. -Also Bertholdt had to carry Annie and run along the Wall for miles just to find a way to sneak in lol. -Also, also, because of Optimus' lack of information about titan shifters and the situation he's presented with, yes, he would kill Reiner on the spot because he doesn't know. This ultimately ends up eating him alive later down this timeline. -Carla's paralyzed but still alive. I figured Optimus' intervention in Episode 1 would save her life, because fuck fate. Am I right?

Anyway, take a look at my other stuff or the extensions of this timeline posted on my Masterlist and have a good one).