#only crielle has had a child

[not-poignant]

Hullo hullo, thought I'd pop in just to ask some random questions about utb if you don't minddd

Personally, do you ever believe you'll write a scene where efnisien d o e s use his safe word? At least in utb?

Second question, do you think utb Gary is good with kids?

Aside from that, Thanks for being a writer and sharing your works with us, I'm sorry your hiatus didn't really end well and I hope you get som well earned rest soon

Hiya anon!

At this stage I have no plans of Efnisien ever using his safeword. Firstly because Gary has already been pretty clear that if someone he's with keeps using a safeword during the most intense parts of sex, he'll leave them (it means they're not sexually compatible which, valid), but secondly, I think Efnisien likes elements of consensual non-consent even though he doesn't know what that is, it works in well for him as an alpha who wants to be made to enjoy things, while still having the option to fight and protest in a way that makes it seem like to outsiders he should be safewording.

The reality is this story mainly has a safeword for the comfort of the reader, and I never had any intention of Efnisien using it in the story! I do write some stories where safewording is very much part of the narrative, but it was never intended to be in Underline the Black.

Second question, do you think utb Gary is good with kids?

I...doubt it? I doubt he's had much experience to know, honestly. He's probably not bad with them, I think he just mostly doesn't want much to do with them. Kids are not a peak alpha thing :D

[not-poignant]

Birthday Spotlight - Crielle ferch Fnwy

[18 April - Aries]

Crielle ferch Fnwy is the matriarch of the An Fnwy estate, a beautiful, evil Machiavellian supervillain who has been manipulating the Seelie Court and her family for tens of thousands of years, while giving the appearance of being a perfectly loving Seelie fae who only cares about truth and justice.

Mother of Gwyn ap Nudd, and aunt of Efnisien ap Wledig, Crielle is actually only rarely seen in stories, but has an explosive impact regardless, due to the trauma she inflicts or causes others to inflict on our main characters.

‘You’re not mine. You may have stolen from our family legacy, you may have parasitised our reputation, you may have even exploited and ruined the things about our appearance that make us – not you – beautiful. But you are not, you have never been mine. If you felt a short, sharp shock when you came into the world, my darling, it was my hands around your throat while your father tried to pull me off you. ‘Imagine, if you will, my dear, reprehensible thing. Imagine the first time you came back to me after we sent you away to play with Efnisien. Oh you were only twelve or thirteen? What a lovely idea that was. And Efnisien had you for hours. I told him to use knives. He liked them so, and he didn’t think he’d be allowed. So precious. And I heard the distant echo of your screams like a faint, familiar melody all throughout my day. A time when they stopped because he gagged you perhaps? Or your voice gave out? Tsk. He is – was – so crude. But still...effective. And do you remember? Oh, my creature, imagine it... ‘You came home hours later, hours after Efnisien. You were broken and cut and bleeding and so, so ruined. And you stumbled into the house, and there I was waiting for you. Breathless, actually. And you stared at me as though I would – what? – tell you that Efnisien had crossed a line, gone too far? Do you remember what I did?’ ‘You smiled at me,’ Gwyn said, his voice rough and rusty.

Game Theory

Game Theory: Introduced as the manipulative, evil, and cruel mother of the King, Crielle starts off with Cinderella stepmother vibes, until you realise that Gwyn's her only son and she can't stand him, favouring his cousin Efnisien instead. A torturer, abuser, schemer, and conniving Machiavellian figure, she ultimately has been puppeting the Seelie Court for thousands of years, and is the cause of Gwyn attaining, and then losing, his Kingship.

It's safe to say that Crielle has never been the Most Valued Player of any story.

The Court of Five Thrones: While Crielle only has a very brief appearance in this story, her presence is felt throughout. We find out more about her feelings towards Gwyn, through journals he discovers in her house after her murder at Augus' hands.

The Drawn Bead: In a story that explores Gwyn's first love, Crielle is there as a forbidding, tormenting figure, ruling Gwyn's life with an invisible, oppressive kind of terror.

The Curse: The only story which features Crielle's perspective, we see her as a child, a teenager, an adult, and learn about her dangerous proclivities, how her family did and didn't deal with them, and the depth of her love for a select few people, a love that she gave to Gwyn right up until the moment he was born.

Fae Tales – Alternative Perspectives: Crielle is only here briefly, but we see more of her dialogue with Gwyn, and more of Augus' perspective about her.

Underline the Black: Crielle here emerges as a cruel villain to Efnisien, in a flipped/reversed narrative where Gwyn is her beloved child, and Efnisien is nothing more than a neglected science experiment. Efnisien's life is at the mercy of Crielle's whims, and she puts him first in Hillview (an institution) to put him out of sight and out of mind, but as soon as he causes too much trouble for her, she won't hesitate to strike him down.

The Spoils of the Spoiled: In which Crielle even in the human world as a human herself proves that she can be just as evil as ever. Ruler of the household, torturer of Gwyn (and later, we learn, Efnisien), and clearly involved in corruption and organised crime, Crielle lives her best life in this story until Gwyn tries to legally emancipate himself from the family.

Falling Falling Stars: In the follow up to The Spoils of the Spoiled, Efnisien - previously thought of as the beloved and protected 'adopted' child of Crielle's - reveals over time the verbal, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse he suffered at her hands through therapy sessions with Dr Gary. Over time, we realise that no one is safe from her influence.

Crielle is very 'classically' beautiful, with blonde hair that has a slight wave in it, that generally falls down to her shoulders. She has azure eyes, a shade of blue almost never found among humans (even when she's human). She wears only enough make-up to accentuate her eyes and perfect lips, and maintains a very 'natural' effect to her beauty. It looks effortless and perfect enough that many who are experienced with beauty routines know she puts a lot of time into her appearance.

Crielle is asexual, sex repulsed, and aromantic.

Crielle is common fae, and while she's affected by the curse that Olphix cast upon the family, I like to think she'd still be pretty awful.

Born into a family in which some members are predisposed to sociopathic behaviour, Crielle was one of the worst and was not encouraged by her parents to be the way she is. Many people assume that she was abused into her evilness, but she wasn't.

To me, the concept or alienness of someone who is as evil as Crielle simply because she was 'born that way' is very fascinating to me.

Incredibly intelligent and perceptive, her few weaknesses are around the (few) people she loves and the way she will indulge them, as well as anything that threatens her reputation.

In Game Theory, when we finally realise that she is at the centre of Gwyn's devotion, standing there watching his humiliation, reacting in disgust to being called 'Mama' in a moment of vulnerability from her own son.

In Falling Falling Stars, Efnisien calls Crielle, and it becomes quickly clear that she holds no love in her heart for Efnisien when she calls him a 'ghost' and reminds him that ghosts are very easy to kill, making it clear she still wants him dead, and only inertia/disinterest is keeping her from following through because she'd already killed him once.

Always really fucking evil and irredeemable.

Frankly dies a lot.

Always a bit of a mad chemist. In Fae Tales she is a literal chemist and inventor of many different poisons. This has carried over even in to her human incarnations where in the Spoils universe she uses her knowledge of science to cultivate, create, or acquire poisons and viruses and bacteria to insert into Gwyn's food. And carries even more strongly into the Underline universe, where she runs one of the most successful synthetic hormone companies in Australia.

Visibly stunning.

Cares a great deal about reputation.

Usually loves Efnisien. Underline is the first series that has flipped the narrative so that Gwyn is beloved and Efnisien is loathed.

Kind of disdains her husband, who has no power over her.

Crielle is a real figure in Welsh mythology, though she was never meant to be an evil figure. Nor is she Gwyn's mother in the mythology. A sign of just how intensely I've bastardised everything for my own purposes.

She is good friends with the Ratcatcher of Hameln.

I wanted Crielle to be an example of how you can't expect that someone perfectly beautiful is a good person. I also really wanted to write a woman villain. I felt like a lot of woman villains at the time that I was seeing or reading were often written as petty or just in ways that made them somehow 'weak.' The appeal of Crielle is that she's an extremely effective villain and the only thing that stops her is her death (with the exception of Falling Falling Stars).

Despite how awful she is, I really love her! I'd write her more, but she's too strong and powerful lmao and she ruins my character's lives too much.

Crielle's colours for me have always been cream, yellow, white and blue. It's hard to imagine her wearing anything else.

‘How perfectly disgusting,’ Crielle purred. ‘A little worm has learned how to use the phone. I thought I had a caterpillar once, that would turn into the most beautiful butterfly, but it turns out the only thing my sister’s loins are good for, are despicable little worms.’ ‘D-Do you hate me now?’ Efnisien whispered. Crielle laughed lightly. ‘Oh, oh, my darling, I don’t hate you.’ A moment of hope, strong and bright, a sudden dawn inside of him. ‘I feel nothing for you. As far as I recall, I killed my nephew, and you are nothing more than a ghost.’

Falling Falling Stars

[not-poignant]

Do UTB Gwyn and Crielle have that sorta sexual vibe canon Efnisien and Crielle had? I imagine both of them being peak alphas would tamper it. But I could see golden child Gwyn, like canon Ef, being turned on by Crielle watching him as he brutalizes someone xD Or in this story, the incesty sexualization is completely on Gwyn/Ef alone? On that note, would Gwyn ever actually want to fuck Ef, or it's just a shaming/intimidation tactic for him?

There's no incest element between Crielle and Gwyn at all, but there's a vibe between Efnisien and Gwyn.

And frankly, while Crielle can call them 'internal exams' all she wants, putting her fingers inside of her nephew for any reason at all is straight up incest and sexual assault and I tagged for it as a result.

I don't think Gwyn wants to fuck Efnisien at all, tbh. If he wanted to, I think he would have done it by now. Some readers have definitely speculated about it, but Gwyn finds Efnisien both repellent and disgusting, and too pathetic and weak as an alpha, and if he ever did something like that, it would be out of hatred and revulsion and dominance. I think Gwyn has some feelings for Efnisien but that they're complicated, confused by the situation, and that he's just not really benefited by having Efnisien in the house.

The reason Gwyn hates or dislikes omegas overall is, in large part, due to Efnisien being in that household and the fact that his mother thinks omegas are such a sin she literally has to mutilate her nephew to allow him to live in the family.

Gwyn's relationship with Efnisien definitely has a non-consensual sexualised element though, the most explicit description of that so far has been when Gwyn has mounted Efnisien like an omega, instead of an alpha, after their fights. Efnisien's reaction is one of disgust (he has no level of interest in Gwyn), and I think it's confusing for Gwyn too, because he mostly does it to shame Efnisien, but it is an act that they both understand is usually done between alphas and omegas in a relationship or who are beginning to bond. There's a symbolic level to it that Gwyn finds enthralling, but I think it's tied up in his desire to also destroy the problem that is Efnisien in his life.

Gwyn's feelings in this fic are complicated. I don't think he likes his cousin at all, he doesn't respect him, he doesn't care for him. But I think there is that 'but he's still family and he's the only person my age in this Estate.' Still, they are better off away from each other. Gwyn is too menacing and dangerous in this world otherwise, much like Lludd, he simply enjoys beating people down, and that will never change.

[not-poignant]

Have to say, I am fully Team Kadek here. Like, everyone is just lucky that it was Augus they ran into, who has committed enough abuse of his own that he could bounce back from running into Ef. Suppose one of the young women who Ef molested (digitally raped?) had been there? Sure, Ef can't avoid every supermarket in the same city he shares with his victims, but a club dealing with sexual intimacy and vulnerability?! I'm definitely associating myself more with Kadek than anyone else in that room.

Suppose one of the young women who Ef molested (digitally raped?)

I just want to be clear: Efnisien never digitally raped anyone. He groped people by putting his hand flat over their underwear (only ever getting as far as - and wanting to get as far as - resting his palm over their mons pubis), and never penetrated any of his victims, in any way, with any part of his body.

That doesn't make it okay, but he was not a rapist. There was never any digital rape. The most contact he made was with the palm of his hand, and he did not want to penetrate anyone at all. Definitely molestation, but yeah, what people have assumed Efnisien has done, and what he has said he has done, does not line up - in any way - with his memories of what he has done, and his intrusive thoughts have contradicted his actual feelings about any kind of sexual act.

The only orifice he's ever willingly stuck his fingers inside of re: penetration, was the knife wounds that Crielle created herself, when he opened his stitches and tried to feel his own intestinal tract and organs. Though I wouldn't put him past being curious about his own ass, and then potentially finding it too difficult to do.

Even canon Efnisien isn't a rapist. This carries over to human Efnisien pretty much from the canon, but for different reasons. It's one of the reasons it was in some ways so easy for Crielle to protect Efnisien for his actions, because they could never under most legal definitions, be counted as 'serious sexual assault.' A single groping that was never repeated by a teenager is - sadly - something that the courts are likely to dismiss. Again, doesn't make it right! But I think it is an important distinction, because it speaks to Efnisien's psychology re: why he was doing what he was doing and why he couldn't actually go any further.

who has committed enough abuse of his own that he could bounce back from running into Ef.

This...is a strange statement.

Being abusive does not make it easier to take abuse. Case in point: Efnisien, to be honest. But also Augus not being able to take abuse as a child, is a huge part of why he became so abusive in the first place. Augus developed a very strong 'kill or be killed' perspective. And he was validated for his malice and his sadism.

But even outside of writing, it's just completely wrong that people who have committed abuse suddenly develop a magical ability to be able to take it?

The reason Augus found Efnisien so easy to deal with, and did not find the experience traumatising was:

1. He held complete authority over Efnisien who he's just seen safeword, and who is clearly, visibly terrified. 2. Efnisien never fought him back or indicated he would fight back which made Augus keep escalating his violent and abusive behaviour. 3. Augus enjoys revenge - see: 'the entire start of Spoils of the Spoiled' and the premise that gets Augus and Gwyn in the same room. Augus isn't 'traumatised' that Gwyn broke his brother's nose, he's incensed, and immediately plans to disproportionately and maliciously destroy Gwyn's life. 4. He's a sadist with anger management issues and almost no capacity for remorse for anyone who he doesn't care for, regardless of what that person has done (see: all the innocent students he blackmailed during Spoils) 5. He has a strong and supportive network. He has an adoptive parent and many sisters who love and adore him. He has a brother who looks up to him and loves him. He has a partner who thinks he's amazing, is a millionaire, and offered to casually buy him a house. He's financially secure not just now, but for the rest of his life. This - more than anything else - along with knowing he held power over Efnisien, was what helped him 'bounce back' and enjoy the experience as a malicious person who does veer towards revenge fantasies.

6. He got to literally act out a revenge fantasy via felony grievous bodily harm, and no one stopped him, and the person he did that to thanked him, advocated for him, and then left the room.

But yeah I'd just like to say to anyone reading this that being abusive is not miraculous armour against bouncing back from trauma. That's not an idea that I support, and it also has no medical evidence to support it, and it's kind of dangerous to even put that out into the world, imho.

But at any rate, Falling Falling Stars is a great fictional example of the many reasons why being abusive doesn't guarantee anything at all re: bouncing back from abuse or trauma. And then additionally, Augus was not particularly traumatised re: encountering Efnisien.

*

But other than that I 100% agree with you that Kadek did the right thing.

If Arden had used the pragmatic and smart part of his brain, he would never suggest that Efnisien go there in the first place, and if Efnisien had researched the rules himself (instead of assuming they were like the play parties) he would never have gone. Unfortunately Efnisien is now very much experiencing the consequences of Arden's arrogant oversight and forgetfulness re: the rules. There's no part of the story that's going to suggest Efnisien go back to a kink club.

[not-poignant]

Hi, I really love FFS and I have a question (and I hope this isn't out of line (and/or a spoiler, whoops), please just ignore me if it is), because one thing I've been tripping over is Efnisien repeatedly remembering Berdella's victims as women, when afaik all of them were gay men? If this is on purpose, I'm a tad concerned about the dead woman Efnisien seems to be having flashbacks about ...

Ah no that'll just be an old-fashioned continuity error, because I'm winging this story and it's now more than 400k long (4+ standard novels).

In plenty of chapters Efnisien has remembered Berdella's victims as male. Actually in most of them, and I name at least one of his victims fully.

ETA: So I checked this.

In 88 mentions of Berdella throughout the entirety of Falling Falling Stars, I only make the mistake of mentioning female victims once (and specifically in context of Efnisien, as a child, imagining that Berdella has killed Crielle - and not specifically saying 'Berdella had female victims'; they are the terrified imaginings of a child who is thinking of the worst torturers he knows).

The rest of the time I very clearly mention male victims (sometimes by name) or don't gender the victims at all (on purpose, because Efnisien puts himself into the place of Berdella's victims, because he himself is a gay vulnerable man who sees himself more as prey than predator) so idk where you're getting 'repeatedly' from? You have like... 87 other mentions that aren't doing it, anon!

[not-poignant]

Oh god a SOTS Efnisien spinoff? PLEASE TELL ME MORE

I WILL

Basically it’s called Falling Falling Stars, yes it already has a lengthy playlist on Spotify and I’ve been thinking about it for several months, actually. (Tbh I’ve been thinking about SOTS Efnisien since I finished SOTS, so for a long-ass time).

It will focus on Spoils of the Spoiled Efnisien, who - as we know - we last saw in a residential treatment facility, with Gwyn having learned that he’s not a sociopath at all, but someone with severe obsessional obsessive compulsive disorder who was enabled into his intrusive thoughts by Crielle.

The AU spinoff is set three years into the future, with Efnisien in outpatient care (instead of inpatient care), basically living an extremely grey, somewhat bleak life (though I’m sure not as bleak as some people want it to be), exploring the idea of rehabilitation for someone like Efnisien given the depth of his intrusive thoughts and everything he’s done.

It absolutely won’t be a Gwyn/Efnisien end-game, they are going to stay strictly platonic (despite Efnisien’s feelings on the matter), and frankly, we won’t be seeing much of the general Fae Tales cast at all, so you can expect a lot of original characters.

I’ve already finished the first chapter, lol.

It will obviously not be easy reading, given it’s Efnisien’s POV and he’s dealing with extremely intrusive thoughts of a graphic, violent and cruel nature on a regular basis. But he’s also not...the Fae Tales Efnisien people are used to in the canon or The Wildness Within. He’s very much a complex human being who is getting excellent treatment learning how to live with himself and often deciding he doesn’t really want to.

I’ve always been on the fence about writing this, mostly because it’s one thing to write a character as straight up evil, but it’s another to do that, have them be cruel to animals and the most vulnerable people, and then write a rehabilitation story that focuses on their recovery, which entails watching them receive compassion and learn how to grow. And, imho, that requires a lot of mental gymnastics on my part, and also will be straight up offputting to a lot of readers who either a) just want Efnisien to stay 100% 2-dimensional and evil thanks or b) actually enjoy Efnisien being evil towards Gwyn and want that sadistic relationship instead of a recovery-based story or c) just want to read a story of him suffering (don’t worry, he does suffer, lol).

Like it’s one thing to rehabilitate someone like Augus who literally didn’t start off evil but kind of had a bad patch caused by severe trauma, but Efnisien is in a whole other ballpark, lol.

For me, Efnisien is a victim of profound abuse, but in a way that masks that victimhood from everyone else - including himself. I maintain that any child who can only get love by being cruel to others is probably going to learn how to associate being cruel to others with being loved, and if that’s your formative childhood, you start in a place that is beyond fucked up.

And that’s the place I want to explore re: Efnisien.

[not-poignant]

Hey Pia!! I saw the ask about how you’re planning on rewriting Game Theory. I was wondering, what would you change about it? What makes you want to rewrite it? :) I absolutely adore the ending of it and was curious if you would change that around at all too. I hope you’re having a lovely day!

Hi hi!

Okay so, hmm, the things that Game Theory needs is pretty long, but here’s the overall list:

* Tightening of the prose and removal of too many repetitive themes. This will probably clear about 15,000 words off the bat.

* Removal of all references to Pitch and Jack, and therefore full integration with Terho and the Nightingale into the story, including probably a couple of scenes with Terho. Removal of the concept of ‘centres’ and introducing the concept of heartsongs-as-soul.

* Removal of the corporal punishment scene with Augus and Gwyn because it’s just too OOC.

* Removal of the masturbation scene between Augus and Gwyn early on because even though it worked at the time, it’s been thoroughly retconned not only in Game Theory, but in the rest of the canon, and it’s now wholly OOC.

* Establishment of the fact that other people were encouraging Gwyn to sexually assault / rape Augus to bring him under control, and an earlier establishment of Crielle as an influential character and Efnisien as well, which means more scenes with them.

* A more clear establishment of Augus’ crimes, which will probably mean some scenes where Gwyn visits blighted land and ‘shows’ that destruction. Or visits a grave site or something.

* The plot where Efnisien and Crielle are planning to make Gwyn kill Augus in the Wild Hunt needs to be clearer.

* It would be really good if we could see a Wild Hunt, even in a nostalgic flashback, in part to make its loss in The Court of Five Thrones a clearer tragedy (because it’s only really a felt tragedy for the majority of people who had experienced a positive Wild Hunt in Shadows and Light).

* Either remove the fact that Augus and Gwyn met as children (and Gwyn forgot), or make it a lot clearer that they knew each other while young and had an uneasy connection to one another, with a couple more scenes.

* Fixing up some of the continuity errors that have accrued over time (some of these I have actually fixed already!)

* Pull forward Gwyn’s paradigm shift from captor to captive, I honestly think it just takes us too long to get to, and it’s the first 10 chapters of the book that are likely to lose most of the readers. Reading on from Shadows and Light, it makes sense, but starting fresh with no awareness of Augus’ actions towards Jack (which obviously won’t exist in a rewrite) turns it more into tortureporn, and even I skip some of those chapters, which is a sign that there’s too many of them.

* Putting in ‘conclusions’ fitting of a trilogy, so that even if Game Theory stays a whole work on AO3, I can potentially publish it as a trilogy work (it’s too long to publish as one book on most POD/Print on Demand sites).

***

That’s probably a good start, but I have an official list somewhere which has about 20 dot points. I mean obviously I want to keep all the hurt/comfort, I want to keep Augus being an asshole and Gwyn being, well, Gwyn. But the story needs to basically do a better job of explaining fae, Seelie and Unseelie, and doing some of the initial legwork that I did in Shadows and Light and therefore skipped in Game Theory. Obviously it can be picked up if you’ve never read Shadows and Light, I’d just like if there were some clearer sections in there, and a bit more exposition on Augus’ history in particular, even if it was a reading out of his crimes at the Display (such as how many people had died directly or indirectly by his hand etc.).

Because Game Theory is essentially a trilogy, so editing it isn’t editing ‘one book’ that’s broken, it’s editing three books. And the structure of the story needs work, which is a lengthier process to fix (along with adding and removing scenes) than just say...tightening the prose, which usually only takes me a few months. (I did this with Shadows and Light, most people don’t know this, but I edited about 15,000 words out of Shadows and Light, so the version people have been reading in the last three years is different and ‘cleaner’ than the original version. 

After Game Theory, I became a lot more concerned with plotting and chapter plans actually to avoid having to do something this unwieldy/weighty again. And as a result, I think all my writing afterwards is a lot cleaner overall. Like don’t get me wrong, Game Theory has some of my favourite writing, and some of my favourite scenes, but for newcomers it lacks context, exposition and worldbuilding, and the pacing is off. But the later stories don’t need (in my opinion) massive structural changes or the removal of more than one chapter to bring it into line!

So yeah :D That’s where I’m at with Game Theory. It’s my problem child, but I love it.

(Also, it’s been suggested to me by my cover artist that I should change the title, because the title doesn’t actually scream epic erotic fantasy, but after some thought I’ve decided not to).

[not-poignant]

I was watching this detective series today where the main character's mother had Munchausen syndrome by proxy, and she found her mother's diaries with all the notes on the drugs and dosages she used on her daughters when they were little, and it reminded me of Crielle so much! Would you say SOTS Crielle has the same syndrom? (Or even Canon Crielle, but I don't know if it would apply to fae in the same way)

Hiya anon,

I find Munchausen’s and Munchausen’s by Proxy really interesting, and actually have a couple of books on the subject. While some of it informs Crielle (in a really loose way, mainly as ‘ideas of awful things a mother could do to a child), she doesn’t meet the requirements for having it at all:

One of the defining features of Munchausen’s by Proxy is that the person who poisons the other person (or lies about them being sick), does so to gain attention, compassion, empathy and sympathy from the people around them (that’s actually the most fundamental part of the disorder). Munchausen’s is the act of making yourself sick (or pretending to be sick) to get people to give you caretaking / attention / empathy etc. and Munchausen’s by Proxy is the act of a person doing it to someone else (usually a child) for the same thing (i.e. through a proxy, the most common manifestation being a mother to a child, but it’s not the only manifestation.)

In fact, you don’t even need to intentionally make someone else (or yourself) sick for Munchausen’s or Munchausen’s by Proxy, you just need to lie about your symptoms or someone else’s enough that you get treated for sickness, and get a lot of attention for it.

Consider that: Crielle never wanted empathy, attention or sympathy for what she did to Gwyn, in any universe. It was never about gaining attention. She does it out of pure malice, and she has no interest in other people finding out (indeed, it becomes a secret between her and Gwyn, to the point where Augus, in the canon, realises that he knows far more about the abuse Gwyn suffered at the hands of Efnisien and Lludd, than he ever learns about Crielle).

Not only that, but Crielle never rushes Gwyn to hospitals or to doctors, so they can have sympathy for how sick he is, or give her attention over it.

So no, Crielle doesn’t have the same syndrome. She’s just malicious and abusive, she has no interest in gaining attention or sympathy re: Gwyn. She just hates him and wants him to suffer, and poisoning is a more discreet way of going about this. In the canon she also stabs him with needles, puts irritants in his clothing and a great deal more. As long as it’s covert, she engages in it.

[not-poignant]

does gwyn think about his legacy or the ways he has made history? as a reader thinking off all the things he's been through and done (good or bad!) is amazing, but i also know that he's relatively young and that we're following one journey. i wonder how much he personally considers himself as a part of like... important fae history?

I mean yes, I think he very much does, but only at certain times.

I think when he was younger, he was aware that he was starting to gain a huge fucking reputation as being completely unbeatable while still wildly considered to be a child. In the extended teenage-hood of a fae, Gwyn was shoved into war well before most fae would consider him an adult, and thanks to an absolutely brutal training regiment (that his father designed probably to kill him), a mind for strategy, a mother like Crielle, and a bunch of other factors, he became impossible to beat.

They wrote songs about him. Soldiers wanted him to fuck them because it was considered a badge of luck. Gwyn himself threw around his status around his family to aggravate his father. (This all happened in flashbacks in both Game Theory and The Court of Five Thrones). Gwyn couldn’t not be aware of how he was making history, when people told him all the time: ‘You are the youngest War General in the world to have this many victories and no defeats.’ Gwyn was legendary for his feats in war, and it’s why - in part - he’s so comfortable saying ‘I’m a soldier’ ‘I’m only a soldier’ ‘I’m only good for war’ ‘I was supposed to be a War General.’ He had it reflected back to him for some 2500 years.

That being said, when he considers the broader picture, I don’t think he thinks it’s a good thing. He is, as we know from Deeper into the Woods, but also later tales as well, anti-war. Which means the things that he’s best at is also the thing that he hates and loathes, and wishes the fae realm didn’t have in such abundance. He’s made more of a push than most fae towards inter-alignment cooperation, enough that he’s pretty known for it.

And you know, Gwyn’s painfully aware of the destructive aspects of his legacy. Consider Vane in The Court of Five Thrones. Vane’s entire storyline, the storyline of his entire people, is one tied up in Crielle and Gwyn, and the power both of them had over an entire nation. Throughout The Court of Five Thrones, we hear from respected Unseelie fae that Gwyn has destroyed their families, their homes, their livelihoods. Yes, I would say he’s extremely aware of his legacy since he spends so much of his time trying to rebuild what he has destroyed.

If he had to view himself as an important part of fae history, he would think less of defeating the Nightingale (and Augus), and more of his role as a felling, destructive force. But he’s aware he has a role in fae history, and he has capitalised upon it for gain. I don’t think he’s the kind of person to think about it often though, because it makes him uncomfortable. He’d be the kind of War General who, if he thought his fae were going to sing a song about him, he’d run in the opposite direction (but in y’know, a soldierly way).

[not-poignant]

It's odd questions time! Can you tell how fae give birth (in general, because I get that there may be exceptions)? Like, is it always in human form (like Crielle)? Though I suppose that the swans that lived with Oengus probably gave birth in their true form? Are there species in which is the male to give birth (like sea horses)? Anything else that you think may be relevant for our curiosity?

Woo I love odd questions time!

I don’t really have a ‘general’ answer. I mean I suppose I’d say that most do give birth via a vaginal canal or cloaca or something that basically mirrors what would happen in like the ‘our realm natural counterpart.’

But Augus was born in a lake. Like. A lake gave birth to him. He had a weird lake vine umbilical cord that passed nutrients to him (and is why he has a navel) but he was...born...in a lake...genetically...fae are...the best scientists and make a lot of sense always.

Shifters can give birth in shifter form, but if they choose to, they can’t change into human form for the duration. And because it can be dangerous for shifters to stay in true form for too long (i.e. they can lose sight of themselves like Oengus’ swan offspring did), most elect to give birth in human (or hybrid) form. Which is why instead of a clutch of swans, in Gulvi’s case, there are individual swan children of vastly different ages.

Male seahorse shifters can give birth to offspring in true form, and also in hybrid form, but not in human form. The biology just doesn’t carry all the way through.

And some fae literally kind of just appear. Like, the Nightingale. Or Augus and Ash. Or the Nain Rouge. There are a lot of fae that were never ‘birthed’ in a traditional sense. They never grew in another living being’s body and they have no familiarity to that process. And there would be others who can only be birthed by following a sacred ritual, like, ‘I harvest the first juniper to show berries in the season and put those berries in a clay vase with clay gathered from the black shores of X and then I wait exactly 1,546 days and then on the eleventh hour of the etc. etc. etc.’ and that might result in a child.

So I guess it is like, ‘depends on the species.’ And while I’d say most of the fae we’ve met have been born in more ‘traditional’ senses, there’s still plenty in the cast that haven’t been, like Ash and Augus, the Nain Rouge, Albion, Ondine etc.

[not-poignant]

Do you think Crielle's feelings for Gwyn would have changed if he was just Unseelie or ruined her body (instead of both)? If he was just Unseelie, would she have given him to the Unseelie kingdom and tried having another child? If he had ruined her body, would she still love some aspects of him instead of constantly plotting his demise?

I know I’ve talked about what would’ve happened if he’d not injured her before and was Seelie (he would’ve been raised and loved). But as for him being Unseelie / not injuring her? I’m not sure, tbh. That changes everything. I think they’d still hate him, but in a more detached way, and I almost wonder if that would have made them smarter about killing him early on.

I mean this is a woman who has killed her parents and covered it up. If she could be more detached from the situation and less entangled in it, I think she could have easily found a way to kill Gwyn as a child. (I honestly think one of the reasons she didn’t, was partly because she thought death was too good for him, and wanted revenge for what he inflicted upon her).

Any Unseelie get in that bloodline wouldn’t live very long. Regardless of what Gwyn’s powers were, he would have been destined to die very young. Reputation matters so much to the An Fnwy bloodline.

As for if he had ruined her body but was Seelie - she could have never gotten past the damage to her heartsong. It was like a permanent crack in the foundation of who she was, and she could never heal from it, and she also refused to let it go (if she had say, chosen to let go of her heartsong and have it transform into something else, there’s actually a chance she could have accepted him - which is something Gwyn realises and starts to grieve in COFT - that she did this for Efnisien, but not for him).

This realisation is actually a huge part of Gwyn’s...growth. I mean Gwyn murdered a stranger, drove a child mad, and then then hated himself enough for it that he went to another stranger (Augus) to get his heartsong changed. So he has this moment in COFT where he realises that Crielle wouldn’t do that much for him; but did it for Efnisien. Let appearance go so she could shaft Gwyn one last time, basically, lol. I think it’s a moment where he comes to term with...this idea that he’d never have his mother’s love, and that there was nothing he could have done, because she could have chosen to love him, and turned away from it.

This is all sounding super grim, lol.

I suppose it’s a habit I have as a writer, is that if I’m given enough time to think things over, I really like locking a character into one path. I like the...tragic-ness of that and I like the strength that comes in overcoming the circumstances or events that arise from that (or cowardice). Like, was there any way that Crielle could have loved Gwyn? Not without changing her fundamentally as a person, or changing Gwyn. They were both sort of locked into this horrific dance with each other, and there’s nothing Crielle could have done to prevent it, and nothing Gwyn could have done to stop it. Certainly Crielle is culpable for all the abuse she inflicted on him afterwards, but yeah, I like thinking of the other paths and then blocking each one off via plot or characterisation.

My mind is a lot of ‘what if this? What if that? What if this?’ And if I want to get to a certain point like, ‘what if Gwyn and Augus actually fall in love?’ ‘what if Gwyn decides to save Augus?’ ‘how do I stop Gwyn from dying?’ ‘what if Augus decides to save Gwyn?’ etc. I have to look at...a lot of possibilities? I don’t see them all. I miss things. I have like, moments of ‘well, damn, there were all these other options and I didn’t see them.’ But I get a lot of satisfaction from quietly blocking off the options and leaving a character with a pathway, because that makes me feel like...their actions are logical, even if they’re emotional or irrational, idk how to explain that. That’s a weird thing to say.

The only way Gwyn would have been loved, is if he’d been Seelie, and not harmed her with his light. In other words: if he’d literally been a completely different person, unrecognisable to us in every way.