#and oh man i know i have at least one book on aberrant psychology somewhere

[not-poignant]

Have to say, I am fully Team Kadek here. Like, everyone is just lucky that it was Augus they ran into, who has committed enough abuse of his own that he could bounce back from running into Ef. Suppose one of the young women who Ef molested (digitally raped?) had been there? Sure, Ef can't avoid every supermarket in the same city he shares with his victims, but a club dealing with sexual intimacy and vulnerability?! I'm definitely associating myself more with Kadek than anyone else in that room.

Suppose one of the young women who Ef molested (digitally raped?)

I just want to be clear: Efnisien never digitally raped anyone. He groped people by putting his hand flat over their underwear (only ever getting as far as - and wanting to get as far as - resting his palm over their mons pubis), and never penetrated any of his victims, in any way, with any part of his body.

That doesn't make it okay, but he was not a rapist. There was never any digital rape. The most contact he made was with the palm of his hand, and he did not want to penetrate anyone at all. Definitely molestation, but yeah, what people have assumed Efnisien has done, and what he has said he has done, does not line up - in any way - with his memories of what he has done, and his intrusive thoughts have contradicted his actual feelings about any kind of sexual act.

The only orifice he's ever willingly stuck his fingers inside of re: penetration, was the knife wounds that Crielle created herself, when he opened his stitches and tried to feel his own intestinal tract and organs. Though I wouldn't put him past being curious about his own ass, and then potentially finding it too difficult to do.

Even canon Efnisien isn't a rapist. This carries over to human Efnisien pretty much from the canon, but for different reasons. It's one of the reasons it was in some ways so easy for Crielle to protect Efnisien for his actions, because they could never under most legal definitions, be counted as 'serious sexual assault.' A single groping that was never repeated by a teenager is - sadly - something that the courts are likely to dismiss. Again, doesn't make it right! But I think it is an important distinction, because it speaks to Efnisien's psychology re: why he was doing what he was doing and why he couldn't actually go any further.

who has committed enough abuse of his own that he could bounce back from running into Ef.

This...is a strange statement.

Being abusive does not make it easier to take abuse. Case in point: Efnisien, to be honest. But also Augus not being able to take abuse as a child, is a huge part of why he became so abusive in the first place. Augus developed a very strong 'kill or be killed' perspective. And he was validated for his malice and his sadism.

But even outside of writing, it's just completely wrong that people who have committed abuse suddenly develop a magical ability to be able to take it?

The reason Augus found Efnisien so easy to deal with, and did not find the experience traumatising was:

1. He held complete authority over Efnisien who he's just seen safeword, and who is clearly, visibly terrified. 2. Efnisien never fought him back or indicated he would fight back which made Augus keep escalating his violent and abusive behaviour. 3. Augus enjoys revenge - see: 'the entire start of Spoils of the Spoiled' and the premise that gets Augus and Gwyn in the same room. Augus isn't 'traumatised' that Gwyn broke his brother's nose, he's incensed, and immediately plans to disproportionately and maliciously destroy Gwyn's life. 4. He's a sadist with anger management issues and almost no capacity for remorse for anyone who he doesn't care for, regardless of what that person has done (see: all the innocent students he blackmailed during Spoils) 5. He has a strong and supportive network. He has an adoptive parent and many sisters who love and adore him. He has a brother who looks up to him and loves him. He has a partner who thinks he's amazing, is a millionaire, and offered to casually buy him a house. He's financially secure not just now, but for the rest of his life. This - more than anything else - along with knowing he held power over Efnisien, was what helped him 'bounce back' and enjoy the experience as a malicious person who does veer towards revenge fantasies.

6. He got to literally act out a revenge fantasy via felony grievous bodily harm, and no one stopped him, and the person he did that to thanked him, advocated for him, and then left the room.

But yeah I'd just like to say to anyone reading this that being abusive is not miraculous armour against bouncing back from trauma. That's not an idea that I support, and it also has no medical evidence to support it, and it's kind of dangerous to even put that out into the world, imho.

But at any rate, Falling Falling Stars is a great fictional example of the many reasons why being abusive doesn't guarantee anything at all re: bouncing back from abuse or trauma. And then additionally, Augus was not particularly traumatised re: encountering Efnisien.

*

But other than that I 100% agree with you that Kadek did the right thing.

If Arden had used the pragmatic and smart part of his brain, he would never suggest that Efnisien go there in the first place, and if Efnisien had researched the rules himself (instead of assuming they were like the play parties) he would never have gone. Unfortunately Efnisien is now very much experiencing the consequences of Arden's arrogant oversight and forgetfulness re: the rules. There's no part of the story that's going to suggest Efnisien go back to a kink club.