#onlooker could provide me with some much-needed introspection

[buck-yyyy]

man

[lokidrabbles]

Hold My Hand (Loki x Reader)

Reader goes through an episode and begins to question their feelings for Loki

A/N: This is another angst ridden oneshot, which originally was intended as this super agonizing break up story, but I was able to end off in a much lighter note. Though I am not terribly ‘proud’ of this one, perhaps some of you can find some comfort in it! As always, Gender Neutral Reader! Warnings: Angst, mentions of depression, potential break up

The realization hit you like a barrage of bricks, and it was absolutely horrifying. The truth had been displayed right in front of you, and while the past year was wonderful and unbelievable, it had to be said. You had an instinct to declare it to yourself, so the tantalizing dream could finally break away.

You couldn’t be with Loki, because you didn’t love him.

Or, at least, you weren’t sure if you did.

A relationship with him was simply idealized in your head like a made up fantasy. You grew extremely close to him, and soon he became the first thing that would pop in your mind each day. It was wonderful to feel that same thrill, that same ecstatic excitement you had missed for so long. For a while, Loki had become your totem, a way to motivate yourself each and every single day. A role model who had overcome such travesty, and would help you push yourself to your fullest potential. He made you feel things you’d never imagine you could feel, both emotionally and physically. The best way you could describe it was an exquisite high, one you wished you would never run out.

It would all diminish as time passed on, and the extreme guilt overwhelmed your once content self. The same familiar cloud began to hung overhead, plaguing you with the worst intention. You had been using him as a way to replenish your long missed happiness. And it was the most selfish thing anyone could possibly do to him. You’d begin to recall the many nights you had selfishly coerced him to stay with you, an effort to avoid your loneliness and satisfy all of your physical needs. He would always comply, and you figured it was because something frothy like this with a human wasn’t as morally compelling for someone who was over a thousand years old.

But it was still using him for such a egoistic reason. And so you began to question whether the feelings you shared for him were based on something genuine, you actually being in love with him as a sole person, or because he paid attention to you, and kept you away from those debilitating memories.

The discourse in your head would soon begin to affect you, and it wouldn’t take long for Loki to begin to realize it.

Your energy around him began to dwindle, and his random pops into your home would almost be unnoticeable. It was as if your feelings or him, or anything relating to him, had completely hardened. The facade became exhausting, and soon your expression would too become hardened.

Loki, as introspective as he was, took a bit to catch onto it. He would fully come to confront you however once he saw you physically tense up at his playful hand over your waist. You had never reacted like this before, and the message was loud and clear. You did not want to be touched by him, it was just to difficult to deal with.

Your usual chipper walks back to your home were now silent and swift. You still felt some obligation to talk to him about what has been plaguing your mind, but even looking at him would cause physical discomfort. You were terrible, and you felt unworthy of even standing next to him.

An evening, one shrouded by a crescent moon and scattered night clouds, would finally provide you with the courage necessary to confront him. You recognized he was able to sense your nervousness, and began the excruciating conversation.

“What have you been hiding from me?” He asked, but you interpreted it as something more of a command.

You felt a lump form at your throat, still avoiding to look at him in the eyes. “I don’t think...we should be together anymore.”

He halted in his steps, as you continued to walk a couple ahead of him. You stopped however, remaining still, waiting for an answer.

“You’ll have to run that by me in a better way.” He said, his voice still firm.

You turned towards him, only looking at the path over his feet. “Just what I said. I don’t want us to be together anymore. I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.” Your voice was hoarse, holding back the lump still.

The air became heavy, and Loki was still immobile with your words. He then scoffed, and chills ran through all of your body. “Right, of course.”

As if on response, your eyes began to fill up, the burning sensation making it difficult for you to notice. All you could do was nod. Pathetic.

“Could you, at least explain to me why?”

You weren’t really sure why, but a part of you wanted to scream out and tell him to just forget about what you said and go back to how it was. “I don’t want to be with you, that’s why.”

“Look at me, human.” He demanded again.

“Loki, I can’t-”

You felt his touch at your chin, and you flinched again. Loki stepped closer to you, and used his hand to raise up your face to finally look at him. You expected his expression to detail his rage and disappointment towards you. Indeed, you had used him like some fanciful thing to take away your insecurities and solitude. And you knew Loki was not a man who appreciated being toyed with. You braced for the worst, but was met instead with the look of a man who appeared....fearful.

Loki’s gaze darted all over your face, and you could notice the twitching at the corner of his lips. His eyes would too become glassy, shining with the dim moonlight. You had never seen him like this, but still felt disconnected from it all. You were disgusting.

“I’ve felt you pull away from me, from my touch, and I’d imagine I must have upset you in some way. But, this?” He said, a small nervous laugh escaping from his mouth. “I don’t...have I hurt you?”

You were so disgusting. “No. I’m sorry, it’s not that.” Your voice continued to linger, low and unfeeling.

“Tell me.” He said, and you noticed his jaw trembling. “Say what’s on your mind.”

You disconnected from yourself completely, wanting to avoid feeling the pain of your own words. It was better this way after all, and if it mean severing your connection from him, then so be it.

“I don’t...feel love for you. I don’t think I ever did. I’m so sorry for misleading you all this time. It’s just, I don’t think its fair to you.”

His face fell hollow. The shine is his eyes vanished, and he removed his hand from under your chin. It had been done.

“You are indeed, the worst kind of human I have ever encountered.”

You couldn’t breathe, and your body went numb. This was it, and the journey would be long and grueling. He hated you now, despised you.

Through the tormenting reality, you then felt him grip your arm harshly. You yelped, but it was soon cut off by Loki’s palm landing firmly over your forehead. He pushed your head backwards slightly, and you began to feel a warm sensation at it’s nexus. You felt your eyes roll at the back of your head and began to lose touch with your present reality, all too quickly.

Your vision became hazy, and smoky figures began to take form and shape in this new space Loki had throw you in. You began to hear murmurs of people talking, and the images and voices would become more apparent. Your memory would take its full shape, and two distinct figures fell into place in front of you.

It was you and Loki, together. You both were together in your home, sharing a warm drink across your kitchen table, squabbling about something you still couldn’t make out. Your voice would pan out, and the conversation would prick at your ears.

“If you ask me, I think you’re abilities are much more handy to have in combat than whatever Ironman’s fancy suit does.” You heard yourself say.

“If only everyone else shared your magnificent introspection of my combat ability. Alas, I am only restricted to certain things. Of course, I know exactly why, but it’s not very fun.”

“Well, I have a feeling you have a very skewed notion of fun, Mr. Mischief.”

“I think you humans have a very boring perception of fun.”

“But! We are still very charming in other ways, yes?”

You saw him roll his eyes, while swirling the hot drink in his hand. From an onlookers perspective, you saw yourself beam and giggle at his reaction. The smile forming across your face was addicting, and you had seldom seen yourself in such a way. Your hair was a mess, you wore unfitting clothes, and your face was natural and bare. It was a heavy contrast from Loki, who was wearing a well fitted suit, but it was something you did not bother to worry or feel conscious about. You knew how to be happy, that was for sure, but lately it was all amiss. You were happy during this moment however.

“Charming, in the sense that you seem to get an enjoyment out of my distress and suffering? Then yes.” He said, jestingly of course.

“Oh, I’m not that mean to you, am I? I just poke a little humor at you so you don’t feel so awkward with me.”

“I believe we are past that, aren’t we?”

You remembered how you had felt your hear flutter at his words. “What would that mean for you then, Mr. Mischief?“

“Perhaps this courtship has worked its way to my satisfaction. Or perhaps you are just fun, that is all.” He had shrugged casually, knowing he was teasing at you.

You sputtered a laugh. “Courtship? Sheesh. Let’s just call it dating and maybe we can work through that instead.”

“Dating is for children. If you’d like for me to be more bold,” You saw his hand reach over the table to hold at yours. “ This is my way of saying, that I have grown very fond of you.”

“Go on.”

He smirked. “I will admit, I was very apprehensive at first, especially considering the circumstances of our coming about. Also, I have a bad history with humans as it is.”

You saw yourself place your other hand over his, and you recalled gripping it tightly, as a way to demonstrate your own fondness over him. “It’s weird for me, to have you say that. Because I’ve come to known you for the person that you are today, and that’s why I’m always so excited to see you every day.”

“Then we share the same energy. I cannot promise you, however, that things will be...what you would consider ‘normal’. I hope you comprehend there’s a lot of baggage I carry with me still.”

“I guess I’ll have to ask you the same in regards to me.”

“I can tolerate anything you’ll throw at me dear, in that you can have my word. I’ll support you through everything.”

“Can I tell you something, that is completely vulnerable and embarrassing?”

He nodded, and you saw how you had worked up your own courage to reveal something you had long forgotten about.

“I haven’t really felt like this about anyone in such a long time. It’s scary, especially considering you’re an alien to me, but I think I can say I lo-“

“Stop. Stop it. Don’t.”

You had completely forgotten about this too. You had come to discover about Loki’s inward embarrassment for when someone would flat out mention those three little words to him. You recall how his mouth twisted, and how he averted his gaze at you, as if to hide to pinkness in his cheeks.

“Oh my god, you really can’t hear it, can you?” You had asked teasingly.

“Don’t push it. We were having such as great conversation, and then you-”

“Oh, Loki I love you sooooo much!” You exclaimed, with your own mischievous smile.

He got up from his seat in a huff, walking away into your living room while murmuring something along the lines of how much he hated you and how it was all a mistake. You skipped behind him, still saying those words in a sing song manner. You heard him raise his voice at you, but it all became muddled once more. The fixed image began to smoke and haze out, now left with puddles of memories. It began to roll off, leaving a single pinpoint of light and you felt your body transported back to the present. Your eyes rolled back into place, and you gasped heavily.

You pushed Loki off of you, causing you to stumble backwards. You attempted to catch your breath, as you began to process what exactly had happened. “What did you do to me?” You asked in between huffs. “What did you do!”

“What’s the matter?” he asked, looming over you. “Surely you’d remember something like that, or perhaps it was too painful?”

“Don’t you ever do that to me again!” You exclaimed, stepping away from him. “How fucking dare you get in my head like that!”

“No, how dare you just toss something like that to the side?” He snarled at you, but you stood your ground. “You really expect me to believe something like that?”

 A rush of adrenaline hit you, furious at how he had entered your subconsciousness, and furious at how he wanted to manipulate the situation. You clenched your teeth, allowing him to release everything onto you, despite it all.

“I’ve simply demonstrated to you exactly what your mind is experiencing. Not wanting to be with me? Very unlikely.” He continued, now completely towering over your.

You couldn’t comprehend the level of arrogance he was showing. “You don’t know what you’re saying. I can’t believe how pretentious you are being about this!” You said.

“You’re acting as if you never knew this about me. However, I did hear something else in your mind.”

“You don’t know anything.”

“I do know you, stupid human. You’ve been calling yourself those poisonous words again. They continue to echo inside your mind, and you didn’t bother to discuss it with me. Why?”

The distance between the both of you was smaller now, but Loki hadn’t made a move to lay a finger on you. You expected him to reach out to you, encircling his arms around you, and shushing you, telling you everything would be okay. But you had been pushing away during this whole time know, and perhaps this had been his way to respect your space. You desperately sent out a solemn thought to him, to disregard all of the foolish things you have done and to simply embrace you tightly.

“I don’t know.” You felt the tears stream down your face, as you began to tug at your hair. “I’m so sorry, please it’s not you.“

You toppled downwards on your knees, and unleashed the wave of unrelenting depression and anger. Your wails were horrendous, and they echoed all over the block. You never wanted something like this to happen, and you never wanted to hurt him in such a way.

Shortly, you felt the same familiar warmness across your shoulders and back, feeling Loki’s breath at the top of your head. Your body continued to shake violently, still adjusting to the sudden release of sentiment, but experiencing a huge sense of relief, as if a boulder had been lifted from your back.

“I’m sorry I invaded your mind like that.” He whispered to you. “But I wanted to show you that memory I hold closer and dear to me. I still feel the same, and I hope you still do as well.”

Your mind traveled back to that moment in time, now possibly forever crystallized in your head. Both you and Loki, holding each other’s hands, allowing each other to be as vulnerable as possible, while still providing each other with the utmost security and confidence, as much as any two individuals could.

“Do you still wish to end this?” He asked sternly.

You shook your head, burying your face deep into his shoulder. “No, but, I don’t feel like I should just accept it like this. I fucked up so much, I hurt you-”

“You did not hurt me.” He cut in. “I’m not a child you know. You saw me clearly telling you before, did you not? I will be with you, even at your lowest of moments.”

“I’m so sorry, I do still love you.” You said with a muffled voice.

He let out a low chuckle. “I’ll still recoil upon hearing those words. I do apologize for that, but you have nothing to apologize for. You are the most important and precious thing in the universe to me. So please, promise me that you won’t go through your anguish on your own anymore. For me?”

It had been something you were longing for throughout that night, his own special way of unraveling the mess that you concocted inside yourself. It was that utmost attention to detail which continued to draw yourself to him. He had used this piece of time, this memory which you both shared, not to manipulate or coax you into something else, but you simply remind you. You saw yourself, happy in the presence of this man, and you saw him re-experiencing the same long lost feeling.

[ecotone99]

[MF] Drugs - Death - And Loneliness at a music festival - Pt 1

Hello!

This is the first part of a true story I have been writing and I want to get some feedback or provide it to people who would be interested in reading where it goes.

If you manage to get to the end of this, thanks for taking the time. It's appreciated.

There are half a million people scattered around this small island which you have called home for almost a week. Worn down by days on end of dancing you are continually collapsing into make shift camps that have slowly degraded into the accumulated trash that surrounds them. The same could probably be said about degrading state of your organs.

Being in one place under the effect of so many substances for so long you begin to forget what it was like outside the island. That coupled with months of travel, the idea of your home life is now just a distant memory or even maybe just some fantasy of a life you probably never had. It’s funny how your mind forgets so quickly what it’s like to have something you never went through the pain of loosing. if only it worked that way in reverse.

You spend the daylight hours working. Online over a tethered mobile connection which competes desperately amongst everyone else who managed to keep electricity surging through their now battered and most most likely water damaged warranty voided devices. Destroyed in service of reporting to their FOMO friends the highlight reel of their previous nights or the heavily censored & altered reports of their activities to their loved ones some distance away. Like your internet connection, you also are barley working. You can hardly collect a coherent thought to have a superficial conversation let alone automate some infrastructure in a foreign land to keep some companies electronic ship syncing. However you work, just long enough to stave off the heat and your guilt from taking a pay check that might not be deserved.

The night creeps on and with crowds scurrying to the headlining act,,“Mumford and Sons” a band you know from the radio and maybe if you paid attention you could recall the lyrics to their song as they came on and have some fun singing along while trying not to trip over every second sentence.The night however has other plans for you as you have just taken some uncrushed MDMA bought from some very lued and very attractively sounding South Africans which you met on walk between stages surrounded by a conspicuous dirty kids pool. This pool was too dirty to swim in, so it must be serving as some kind of landmark to help someone who was looking for something find something.True to that observation, you bluff a story about someone pointing you to this pool in search of a better time which they successfully buy and after looking you over once or twice they provide you like many others their supposedly last bag of “we brought too much and thanks it would of gone to waste” for a festively appropriate price of €50. Conveniently packaged but with the final step of pulverising it into a consumable powder missed. The kind of powder that has a granularity where you can control your dosage and slowly step it up if required, but this time it’s just rocks.

You make great decision of eating some of them whole and that pink domino shaped pill someone at your campsite handed you which probably was made that way with the intention for you to only eat half at a time. Damn, at this stage your serotonin receptors which have already gone on unpaid stress leave have been called back into action with the promise of a bonus and better working conditions. Now is a good time to take those mushroom pills you have in your pocket after all they are in these gel caps and it’s such moist conditions in your pocket that they could probably dissolve away. That or the incoming overflow of euphoria might be too much for you to not just give them away to the next most beautiful passer by who asks for them or looks a little too deserving.

​

Mumford start playing. Wow, who are these guys, instantly you are transformed into a Danty teenager who has only ever fantasised about the love their favourite musicians sing about. But you are alone. So alone, all these people, they smile, you smile, maybe a little too much. They retreat as you approach oh no, don’t scare anyone.

Remember Europeans only know of non alcohol induced intoxication within the confines of some boring yet seductive techno dungeon, which you can find over at another stage called the colosseum along side a Russian roulette of party consumables that will either add to your experience or allow you to even be able to have one at all. I am not sure how many people this night filled that course compacted powder pill which resembles a miniature dishwashing pellet into their revolvers spun the barrel and successfully blow away their brains for 4-6 hours against the odds of spending the night vomiting or trying to escape an IV drip and the faces of their concerned friend. For the ones who run the gauntlet at the colosseum for hours on end sober I am not sure how they do it, but then again as time goes on I feel the same way about life as it seems be becoming it’s own techno dungeon with me on the hunt for deeper beats and higher quality consumables.

Ahh man these songs are emotional and you are leaking emotion, you try to hold it together but it’s as if you are one giant pinyata being beaten by Mumford words about a lost love and hoping to not spill everything out all over the ground. No one wants to be the one who breaks down in a crowd full of people, you are also too mangled to invent a reason as to why for any would be heros or heroines to cover up the fact you may of just dosed too hard or you simply can’t handle your drugs. Can’t handle your drugs? Wait a minute, you know deep into the depths of your soul that that could never be you and that blind belief alone is probably was has stopped you from loosing it so many times before. Now we are told drugs are bad in highscool but when it comes to how bad and how much someone can handle, there are only real two camps which people can fall into. One being the conservatives who only take small dosages and either don't get the full experience they could be having or have to lie about how intense it was. Or the overconfident who secretly believe they are superhuman and trust their bodies way too much , the ones who have taken their now inverted belief in drugs being bad way too far. They could also be secretly trying to hurt themselves or don’t really think too much about the possibilities and just don’t give a fuck. It is pretty obvious which camp you fall into, but why may need a little more introspection. Oh it is always fun to laugh at the people who think they know how much they can handle and religiously stick to their prescribed dosages. It is as if their physiology remains the same between rolls as well the quality control and manufacturing processes in the clandestine laboratories these substances are made in will some how result in some consistency of potency or purity. Let’s not even consider the claim that their “guy” back home gets “good shit” something you pride yourself on, but have no objective way of determining. You can laugh at yourself as hard as you laughed at your friend when he told you he gets it from the guy who makes it. Those people you can happily grab the hand of and comically walk over to the overconfident camp and cheer them on the next time they spin the drug wheel of fortune which features prizes ranging from broken relationships to permanent states of psychosis. Oh man that is a little grim, 99 percent of the time it won’t be that grim, but you remain diligent in your duty to remind yourself and others that on chance it can be, and when you boil it down that’s all it is, one giant dice roll.

You definitely have given the wheel of drug fortune a good spin today and with it still in motion you are try to keep it together while hard papermache shell of yours starts to cave you slowly starting to believe it’s not going to stop on the “greatest night ever” panel. You have never really lost your shit, but I guess this your time and it is going to be to fucking Mumford And Sons. Damn. Your eyes begin to water so you stare into the sky in an attempt to stop them beading down your face and they begin to form miniature pools with your ever expanded pupils serving as the black holed window into your soul they are pouring out of. At that point in the blurry silent sky, crystal clear psychedelic coloured bombers come flying over as if those mushroom pills you ate earlier yelled broken arrow through a military radio and blurted the co-ordinates of the main stage declaring that the assault on your emotions had taken too many casualties and there was no way to retreat. Oh no its about to all go down. You were already trying to plough your way out of the seas of entranced onlookers with beady eyes that reflected the words of the songs that you were trying so hard to block out. You increase your pace in a feeble attempt to escape a blast radius you know moves with you. You need to get away from any would be saviours, it would be better to OD than to have to deal with someone who is probably bored out of their mind by this point in the festival who has decided to take on saving your life as their form of entertainment this evening. at past festivals you have seen those sorry souls who have to endure someone wasting their month long accumulation of serotonin by continually grabbing their shoulders and screaming “are you ok” at them as they are shaken back and forth or trying to force feed them water as they prop them up and rock them to the music while they channel their inner 3 year old with their first ragdoll. It could be even worse where a would be mother teresa takes you to the medical station where the volunteer overnight paramedic toys with it the idea of sending you off to a hospital for some treatment which would result in a night of your stomach being pumped and you contemplating weather your insurance will cover recreational self destruction. If it all goes bad you can hope that someone just makes sure you are passed out in an out the way place and in a position where you can’t choke on your own vomit.

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[msjoyful23-blog]

Mother Africa: Cape Town

Day 1. South Africa was everything I thought it would be and more. My dream vacation consisted of reflection, introspection, admiration, sadness, excitement, and love all rolled into one week. My journey started in Johannesburg and although my allergies were fighting me every minute of every day since the plane landed I couldn't be happier to be in the Motherland. Seas of blackness everywhere. Not unlike the seas of blackness you see in the inner cities but pure and culturally sound to all that is South Africa. Johannesburg was only a pit stop on my way to my true destination: Cape Town. I have been literally obsessed with Cape Town after watching Blacks Without Borders (search in YouTube). This documentary highlights African-Americans who left America and found prosperity in South Africa. Most of them highly successful in America felt it extremely important to live in South Africa for the remainder of life. It's truly eye-opening and an amazing view into life as an American in South Africa. My goal for my trip was complete relaxation, lots and lots of fun, and possibly meet a rich Prince to move me to Cape Town away from Donald Trump and all the crazy! I know it's a fairy tale so I'll at least settle for a sponsor for citizenship 🤷🏾‍♀️. Cape Town provided all of the amenities one needs to fall in love with it. From the V&A Waterfront with its breathtaking scenery, local market shopping, Wineries, Safaris, beaches, museums, driving on the "wrong" side of the road, and last but not least the people. Cape Town boasts of its beauty and it's absolutely true. The mountains surround the city on one side and 2 oceans surround the other. What more can a tourist ask for? Day 2. Our hotel sits right near the V&A Waterfront with only a 10 minute walk to the fun. We were met by the most pleasant Front Desk attendant who was so happy to see us. You can absolutely say that she was just doing her job but how many times have you gone to a hotel or any place with customer service and the worker acts like you put a gun to their head and made them come to work? No. This woman was completely genuine and I absolutely loved hearing her accent and her favorite phrase "Oh my word!". Kholiswa made our stay that much more enjoyable. We didn't know what quite to expect when we got to our hotel. In Johannesburg our hotel was not as bad as the apartment on Coming to America BUT when the shower is RIGHT NEXT to the bed the whole hotel gets the side eye (except my giant ham and grilled cheese sandwich with fries and a salad with a chocolate shake for the low low price of $7 USD). Well to our surprise, The Protea North Wharf was EVERYTHING. It was literally a one bedroom apartment fully equipped with a full kitchen, washer and dryer, living room, dining room, and separate bedroom and bathroom. Now THIS is vacationing at its best. Those of you used to staying at The Ritz Carlton don't judge the rest of us for being excited about nice accommodations. Don't judge me. Any preconceived notions I had about Africa and hotels has been completely changed. Each day is jam packed with fun and exploration of all that Cape Town has to offer. Day two was spent lazily walking the massive V&A Waterfront with its many stores and restaurants for those who like to shop and eat. If listening to local music is your appetite you will find plenty of locals playing their hearts out as onlookers sway to the rhythm. If you want a light day just to walk around, eat, and people watch then V&A Waterfront is the place for you. There are also boat cruises with tours too! Day 3. Well our jet lag or being old caught up with us so we had a late start. The plan was to do the hop on and off bus tours but when you try and start at 2:00 it's not worth the price. Instead we headed straight for Green Market Square which was full of locals and sits in the middle of downtown (I guess). Green Market Square houses all of the street vendors selling wood art, African clothes and jewelry, as well as paintings. So many to choose from it can be overwhelming but for me it was like a family reunion. I was everyone's sister and they wanted me to buy. As much as I was amused and tickled by the local vendors I just didn't want to buy everything. It's a haggle situation so never pay what they ask. I bought a few pieces and even have a lady making me a dress because I HAD to have it and they way my fat is set up... Anyway, it's also a great place to people watch but the only drawback is the number of beggars approaching you. We have them in all societies, but I'm selfish and on vacation. Don't judge me. There is also a Woolworth's downtown which was totally interesting because I remember Woolworth from downtown Chicago as a young child. Well it wasn't a throwback but the real thing and even included a grocery section. Go figure. Another lazy and relaxing day in the books. We decided to cook our own dinner tonight because we could! That chocolate moose cake...let's just say I was on my fat girl. Again. Don't judge me. I'm on vacation. Day 4. Ahhhhh what we really came for...The Safari!!!! Aquila Private Game Reserve did not disappoint!!!! We were able to book this full day excursion with our bubbly front desk clerk. Kholiswa took care of everything except the bill of course. The Safari is a 2-hour drive from the hotel and transportation was included to and from the Safari. We were told to be ready at 6:40 am. Whew! That's early but our driver was on time! The two-hour scenic route included mountain after mountain and in between that there was vineyard after vineyard. They even sell grapes on the side of the road but I think they are stolen grapes from the various vineyards. Hey the struggle is real and hustle man is everywhere. The tour included a stop for coffee, breakfast and lunch at the reserve, and a pit stop on the way back (which we declined). We arrive in time to pay and have breakfast then off to the animals!!! Our tour guide, Kensington, had a bright smile and knew all about every animal including life span and gestation periods. He was so excited and genuine about his job which made the tour that much more enjoyable. The truck was an open style truck with no windows so we didn't quite know what to expect. The first wild animals we see are hippos and then zebras and rhinos 🦏. Zebras were in abundance and there were also a good number of rhinos as well. We next moved on to the ostrich, a wilderbeast, and some type of antelope. I don't remember the name and they weren't that interesting anyway. Next was the African elephant. Two of them to be exact! They were high up on the mountain so the park ranger left some supplements to coax them down and down they came! They were EXTREMELY close to our truck that I thought they were going to charge us! They did get closer to another tour truck and one stuck his trunk inside! I would have died!!! Hell I almost died from seeing it! Kensington was unbothered because he did not move as they were coming closer and closer! I called on Jesus a few times. He is a friend indeed! I digress. Next was the lions!!!!!!! Yasssssss the big furry cats! Simba and Mufasa's cousins! The lions were housed in a separate gated area because they were rescued from people who kill for sport (aka Donald Trump Jr) and placed in the reserve. They didn't learn to hunt so they are separated from the rest of the animals. We saw two male lions and a few female lions and cubs. These lions were on chill mode because they were not moved by our presence. It was hot and we were blocking their shade! They were so glad for us to move along and so we did. Our last stop was Geoffrey the giraffe and friends! They were so cute! According to our expert Kensington, the giraffe adapts to his environment. The giraffes we saw were not very tall because the shrubbery and trees are not tall. If the giraffes were taller they wouldn't be able to bend down to eat. So they grow according to their environment. If they were moved to areas with taller trees, Kensington said they would grow taller! Interesting fact I never knew about giraffes. Kensington also had sparkling wine and grape juice during our giraffe stop which was right up my alley! Our liquor pit stop is where we started talking to other guests who were mostly American. Seated right behind us were Stacey and Ann who looked to be late 20s or early 30s. Stacey is Indian American who lives in Atlanta and Ann is also Indian American who lives in New York. We all quickly bonded over our buffet lunch and our readiness to get back to the city for a nice shower! The sun was hot and I had reached my limit of outside. Y'all know I don't do outside or bugs. While waiting for that clock to strike 4:00, I spot one of the drivers who turns out to be Stacey and Ann's van driver. Y'all I think I found my sponsor. So me never meeting a stranger strikes up a conversation with Zaid because yes he is cauuuuute. Zaid looked all Dominican with a dash of Middle Eastern but was ALL South African. I asked was he married with kids. No. Yes!!!! I asked "Do you want a wife and kids? I need a sponsor for citizenship." lol Needless to say I got his card so we can talk more later. Zaid is now Bae and I'm about to be out this piece!!!💋😘😆 Tired from a long day in the hot sun and a two hour drive each way to the Safari, my body was in need of some TLC. The neighboring hotel advertised a 60 minute massage with a 30 minute reflexology treatment for 640 Rand and my pockets were all over that. See that's $40 US dollars and we all know in the US that would easily be $80 or more. Needless to say my massage was everything and that was the perfect ending to the perfect day. Day 5. The next day brings the perfect weather full of sunshine and warm breezes. We decide to tackle this day early because there is still so much to see in Cape Town. Our adventures lead us to the hop on hop off bus tours. We figured we could cover more ground this way. We start with the breathtaking views of Table Mountain. To our surprise the bus drives right up to the top and the views are simply amazing. The real attraction is the cable car to the peak of the mountain but the way my fear is set up I chickened out. Sorry. But you still get the appreciation of the views from the bus stop. Trust me. If you are afraid of heights you will still get a great experience if the cable car ride is skipped. I'll muster up some courage for my next visit. We hop back on the bus and head to Camps Bay Beach and OH. MY. GOD. I've never seen a beach more beautiful and peaceful!!!! The condos that overlook the water made me want to run and buy hundreds of lotto tickets because I just have to live here! It was still early and I was dying for some seafood but I settled for some delicious gelato (ice cream for us regular folks). We hopped back on the bus and I really wanted to do the South African Museum because I wanted to learn some history. This was a bust. It was a science museum about animals. Not my thing. I wish I had known before I spent my money. Back on the bus we go. Our love for shopping leads us right back to Green Market Square for more gifts and cute African attire. We were also curious about their hair bundles so we found a few hair shops to ask about pricing and quality. Weave is worldwide and I wanted to see how the hair game works in Africa. Our bus also took us past the Government buildings and to District Six. The interesting thing about District Six is it was the only neighborhood during apartheid where folks lived in "relative harmony". But like all racist regimes, they moved everyone out of the area and tore down the buildings because they believed Blacks and Whites were not supposed to live amongst each other. There are a number of empty lots now because of this and the area is slowly trying to rebuild. The other interesting thing is that apartheid ended in the 80s. Like literally yesterday and in our lifetime. Anyway, I highly recommend the bus tours because you can cover a lot in one day if you are short on time. Day 6. My travel buddy left a day early, so that left me on my own for a day. It turned out to be AWESOME!!! I was semi nervous about being in a foreign country by myself but I'm well traveled so I just tackled the day and made the best of it. I bought a two-day bus tour pass because it was economical and the easiest way for me to do my own thing and still feel safe. Today was wine tour day! I knew my friend didn't drink so I saved this part of the trip for my solo day. Perfect! The bus tour connects to the wine bus tour so I set out early that morning hoping to do all 3 wineries along the route. On the way to the wine bus the scenery is just breathtaking! The houses are gorgeous and are home to most of the diplomats of South Africa. While en route I did not realize there was a botanical garden named Kirstenbosch! I hopped right on off at that stop because if it was anything like what I have already seen in Cape Town it was going to be amazing. I spent only an hour at the botanical garden because I was on a winery mission. If I had more time I would have spent a few hours there. Everything was beautiful and if beautiful flowers, mountain views, and tranquility are your thing make this one of your stops. I hopped back on the bus because yes wine! The next stop was the wine bus connection and I was excited! First stop...Groot Constantia which means large or big Constantia. The vineyards are vast and the mansion is white with two restaurants on property. I probably should have eaten before the wine tastings, but I'm glad I didn't because I would have missed out on my fantastical seafood lunch. Anyway the wine tasting gives you the option of five white and red wines out of maybe ten choices. I liked all but one of my choices from Pinot, Shiraz, and Cabernet. The give you a few crackers but it doesn't help. Come on a full stomach or you will be tipsy like me afterwards. The winery does sell their wines and gives you options to ship them back to the US. It can be pricey and the minimum to ship is six bottles. I wanted to sample the dessert wines but that was not an option so I bought two bottles to take home. The next winery was pretty much the same only it was a restaurant style set up so you are able to sit. Good thing because my tipsy was off the charts. I'm pretty sure my blood alcohol level was past .08 at this point. I tasted my five wines anyway and knew I had to eat something soon and very soon. I met a nice couple who I struck up a conversation with and they gave me a dessert wine and restaurant recommendation. Good thing for me the restaurant was next door. Harbor House was a second location to the original which is on the beach near Camps Bay. Seafood was finally happening! This was my favorite meal of the entire trip. The food was fresh and the flavors danced on my tongue. I loved everything about Harbor House even the flirtatious waiters. I had sushi (AMAZING) as an appetizer and a seafood pasta with prawns, mussels, and a sauce that was unforgettable. Yes for Harbor House! Well as I sobered up I hopped back on the bus and went back to the beach because I'm a beach fanatic. I should have spent more time there but wasn't in the mood for sand. I just admired from afar and had more gelato! I rode the bus back to the V&A Waterfront because I wanted to end the day on the Harbor cruise close to sunset. Mission accomplished. I got to see the seals that hang out by the pier and got to relax on a boat to end my day. The Waterfront is another one of Cape Town's beauties. I highly recommend South Africa as a vacation destination specifically Cape Town. It is beautiful, relaxing, and fun with loads of things to do. You can't fit everything into one week so plan on coming back again and again! Throw away everything you thought about Africa because it's wrong. Africa is AMAZING and worth every penny spent! It's a must see and must do! Mother Africa I love thee!