#one year more or one year less who cares
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Yeah, yeah. It's my birthday. Whatever.
#one year more or one year less who cares#one year closer to death ig (again)#cake would be nice though#happy birthday alfred#you deserve cake more than i do
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just saw someone call arin selfish gn everyone
#why are you calling a child who's parents have been missing for like 6-7 years selfish. Huh#"but he's not the only one who lost someone'' how is that even an excuse to why he shouldn't grieve..........#like so I shouldn't be sad I lost a family member just bc there are others who have also lost family members too???? What do you even .#like What even Is your logic bro#sorry I'm salty btw I hate arin slander lolololol (the fact mostâif not all-of it don't even make any sense makes this worse)#ninjago#not ninjago#levi's ted talks#ALSO IK I SHOULD BE ASLEEP. just wanted to say one more thing lol#people see a characterâthat's a child no lessâgrieving over loved ones and say 'OMG SELFISH'#FOR WHAT.....CARING ABT HIS MISSING PARENTS.........
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RIP Timothy West (20.10.1934 - 12.11.2024)
"We met when we were cast with small parts in that really boring play, so had both brought the crossword to stop us going mad. We saw each other across the rehearsal room doing it, so decided to sit together. Then we couldnât record because of the strike one day so we went to the cinema, Pru and I, to see The Grass is Greener with Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr. The show was cancelled, but a bit later Pru sent me a card saying âtheyâre reviving that terrible play, are you in it?â I wasnât but we started writing to each other then."
"Humour is vital, and respect for what people do and what people think. Kindness is important, and weâve always had the same humour, laughed at the same things, been interested in the same things, got cross about the same things. And been in the same business. We have often been away from each other work-wise and therefore weâre always very glad to see each other again."
#timothy west#rip#death ment tw#character actors#brass#bleak house#edward the seventh#big breadwinner hog#the day of the jackal#villains#hine#randall and hopkirk (deceased)#nicholas and alexandra#the fellows#tales of the unexpected#hedda#hard times#cry freedom#not going out#going postal#not just a titan of the english stage and screen (and how few actors can truly say they've risen to the prominence he#achieved in both mediums?) and not just a talented chameleon able to play filthy grotesqueâ noble kindness and cold#arrogance with equal assuredness; not just these thingsâ Tim was also one half of one of the greatest love stories in the history of#the british stage. his more than 60 years with Prunella Scales are almost unheard of in 'showbusiness' tho truthfully they were not a#very showbiz pair. just two good souls who found each other and were gloriously happy together. even in recent years (Tim has been her#primary care giver for more than a decade nowâ since her dementia diagnosis) they somehow seemed to remain upbeatâ hopefulâ and more than#anything in love. my heart honestly breaks for her. i can't even imagine.#anyway. hum. i try to rec something less known with these posts. Tim's ep of The Edwardiansâ as rascally MP (and conman) Horatio#Bottomley is a really lovely thing. and as im sure i must have said at some other timeâ more people need to see the incredible BBH#perhaps the first time i saw the (until thenâ to my eyes) cuddly Tim West as a truly repugnantâ horrific character (he's brilliant)
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Catastrophe struck one year later when war broke out among every illegal organization in Yokohama in what is known as the Dragonâs Head Conflict, the bloodiest incident in the history of the Yokohama underground. Nevertheless, the Port Mafia survived the ordeal with minimal casualties and was therefore able to expand its territory on the whole. The other organizationsâ weakened states helped the Mafia to establish the solid framework of its current system of rule. Furthermore, Chuuyaâs tremendous achievements were a great boon to the organization, granting him access to Randouâs old files even before he was officially installed as an executive. Further information regarding Dazaiâs and Chuuyaâs actions to uncover the conspiracy behind the now-defunct research facility will be included along with Chuuyaâs origins in a separate report. - Dazai, Chuuya, Fifteen Years Old - Epilogue
I mentioned this passage from Fifteen in my tags recently and I feel like more people need to be made aware/reminded it exists, so here it is!!
Chuuya wasn't made executive before Dazai (that was a mistranslation in the Dead Apple novelization, he was an executive candidate), but Chuuya was granted access to Rimbaud's Arahabaki files before becoming an executive anyway. Reminder that Chuuya's motivation, that Mori put in his head, was that he had to become an executive before Dazai in case Dazai would want to do something to those files before Chuuya could read them and hence have power over Chuuya... but Storm Bringer had already happened, many questions were already answered. Plus, it would be a bad move from Mori to have one half of his pet project have power over the other, and he already had to with only one executive seat available. This was probably a peace offering and a smart move to maintain their rivalry/budding partnership.
#also ''one year later'' meaning my previous math about sb->dhc being less than 6 months is pretty dang accurate!!!#it would be more like a year and a half (the flags' party was his 1 year anniversary) but who cares at this point it's semantics#the formatting in the screenshot looked weird and hard to read so i copied it in the text too#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd dazai#bsd dazai osamu#bsd chuuya#bsd nakahara chuuya#bsd fifteen#skk#soukoku#bsd timeline#apparently i talk sometimes
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women who were the only girl with F/F ships in their mostly-sapphic teen friend group, and had to feign interest in the Pretty Gay Anime Boys Of The Week to talk to their friends at all, deserve financial compensation
#fandom#why do so many queer women only like M/M ships? like I've heard the 'it's less personal so I can enjoy it more' explanation and You Do You!#but I don't think I'll ever fully understand#and my god was it tiresome in my teen years#I was the only one who cared about the female characters like 75% of the time- and we were all queer girls!#we'd all read the same book or manga and I'd be like 'so when female main character-'#only to get steamrolled with 'OMG THIS GUY AND THIS GUY ARE MY EVERYTHING!!! THEY NEED TO GET MARRIED!!!' from all sides#repeat for every. single. thing. we all watched or read together#and if I liked something that didn't have shippable men nobody else would engage with it
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no idea why i've held off on it for this long, so with the recent news i think it's about time i post my shadow the hedgehog megaplaylist for
2024: FEARLESS YEAR OF SHADOW
meticulously crafted in chronological order to go along to the story beats of shadow's character development, this playlist features both official OSTs for shadow and other music i associate with him. also works well as a shuffled playlist if you want general shadow vibes to listen to. it currently stands at just under 100 songs and 6 hours in length, but i add something to it every once in a while! (i started it before fearless year of shadow was officially announced, in fact.)
this playlist is meant to be a love letter to the early 2000s edge associated with shadow, what with its inclusion of genres like nu metal, industrial, drum and bass, post-hardcore and the like. essentially, if a song is in here, that means i could either easily imagine it as the music to a windows movie maker AMV full of stolen shadow fanart, or as the background music to a level where you play as shadow!
(the itunes version is missing this machine from the sonic heroes OST. the spotify version is also missing the shadow the hedgehog mix of tripod baby by m-flo and lisa, but i added the original version anyway.)
hope u have as much fun with this playlist as much as i have listening and adding to it! <3
SPOTIFY â ITUNES â YOUTUBE
#talking#sonic the hedgehog#sth#shadow the hedgehog#fearless year of shadow#music#this post could be less dramatic than i made it but who care. i wanna make a spectacle and showcase a playlist i made. it's a lost art <3#i have another older shadow playlist that's shorter and more specific w some diff songs that u could dig thru my spotify & itunes to find#buuut that one's for another day :)
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Ambrose and Ruby, back then when Ruby was alive
#Which means Ambrose was a year younger#which is why he's thinner and wears boring clothes and looks so grumpy#Ambrose back then... Ambrose back then.... :))#Ruby was a fun guy. too bad he's dead now#On that second pic they're eating reunionese food (it's called bouchon..) made by Ambrose's aunties#who are the people who took care of him (and more or less adopted him) after the death of his parents#I'll post them one day!!! they're trans reunionese butches.. they're very cool#ok too much lore drop. byye#my art#oc art#digital art#oc artist#Ambrose#Ruby
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Monster designs
Been thinking of an au
#sundrop#fnaf daycare attendant#moondrop#daycare attendant au#they be cursed#body horror abound#tags for me to remember lol donât read#they only look like this during the full moon and summer solstice respectively#also ice for moon and fire for sun#obviously lol#moon is less dangerous but transforms more often so danger in that#sun transforms only like once a year so able to hide but super duper dangerous#accidentally killed his mom cause he underestimated how bad it can get smh irresponsible#moon in orphanage sun in higher income house#meet later big stand-off lol#moon with some bad peeps who kidnap people for ransom and sun gets kidnapped#bag over head so neither realize at first#shenanigans ensue#omg bestie youâve also been targeted by some weird cult ur whole life omg same!!#also poor moon heâs only had one caretaker at the orphanage that knew about the thing and still cared for him#but then they go missing uh oh#oh yeah they need the masks#or else no memory and also they become more dangerous
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i love and miss baldurs gate so much but every time i remember how the fandom and writing team treats wyll i simply dont want to think about it anymore. like i shouldnt be surprised because this is a dnd video game but it's crazy how far people are willing to go to pretend all of it is not racism. wyll is too boring and yet halsin (who is even more boring mind you) gets more attention then him in fan content, same with rolan and dammon and all other side characters in the game. he's never in anything promotional and it's pretty clear at this point the writers are Not Going to fix it. i love wyll so much i literally want to eat him alive but the wave of frustration i experience every Single Time i think of bg3 does not feel good
#like. rdr2 fandom is a rockstar game and certainly they are not absolved from racism#but because its been years since release the fandom is smaller and it is so far less common#but additionally the base game for the most part handles its racism very well#and this is me. Mean Hater Bitch. saying this and rockstar who focuses on satire#so many people are just so blatantly racist to wyll and they go so far as to HARASS people who talk about him#and this is not like esp shocking. anime fandom is also horrendous about this!#but in a game and in a fandom that CLAIMS to promote diversity as it has queer characters you would think there would be more. idk.#actual care and perception put into their one black lead. i know i talk about it Everyday but its like. so bad like worse than i have seen#in recent years for video game fandoms like. christ alive#z.gen#larian critical
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i don't really want to bc like. there's many reasons for me to stay but. i don't think this tumblr life is for me anymore
#obvs im gonna keep this blog like i'm not. gonna go away. i can't lol!#i need to have a space to post when i do have stuff to post ... with gachiakuta otw ofc !!!#but i think it's time .... i admit to myself i cant do this the way i did anymore#not even back in like. 2021 but even just. last year. im not someone who can sustain interaction no matter how much i want to#there's just too much on my mind and im too anxious and way too insecure and with the election i have students to take care of#my family to prioritize and i have to move house and get my credentials and my degree so i can get a job.#it's just too much really to be worrying about what i can do here .. ive been in denial for so lng#not that that changes anything for anyone here or anyone reading this. i'm not disappearing and im still gonna be reading.#but i need to officially relieve myself of duty... iN MY MIND. if that makes any sense.#im sure i'll write again one day. my writing has come so far and ive finally noticed. and im so grateful to have tried so hard#i never let myself down once. thats for certain. i did what i could when i could#but i can't anymore and that has to be okay bc its whats happening.#anyway nothing's changing dw there's just been a shift in my psyche thats all#and i might post less and reblob more .. but that's all!#still love u ofc <3#caitie blabs
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not going to lie i do find it quite upsetting that so many ppl think that animals that arent immediately relatable to humans are completely incapable of thought or feeling. and thats the only thing that matters when it comes to animal rights arguments a lot of the time
#like the take of ohhhh Well this animal is smart and shows emotions!!! it might even be smarter than humans!!!#as if that matters literally at all#like the argument abt fish or hamsters or w/e being stupid (wrong) so it doesnt matterrrrr if they dont get cared for properly#as if its ever ok to mistreat animals.#in general the idea around smaller or less relatable animals being worth less is super frustrating#like if u post abt microwaving ur hamster when u were 6 everyones like âlmaoooo i did the same thingâ#but if u posted that abt a dogâŠ.? The Gallows#we shouldnt have to care abt mistreatment of animals bc theyre cute or funny or smart#i just watched blackfish again and it annoyed me how much ppl were arguing abt the orcas being so smart and emotional etc#which is true. but thats just smth that makes their captivity harder. u jnow. like if they were simple and had simple needs it would still#be wrong if they werent met#its just such a huge issue bc of how hard the needs are to meet in captivity#same as like. bears and shit. you physically cannot give them enough territory to stop them going insane#ik theres ppl who believe All captivity is wrong#like my strpmum is one who believes nobody should own Any pet#which is. Imo a stupid argument and not at all sustainable. ppl need companions thats why weve had dogs and cats for thousnads of years#but also they are such successful pets bc their needs are so easy to meet!!!!!#its this misconception that fish or rodents are Easy Beginners pets⊠in reality they are 100x harder. but their lives are worth less to ppl#bc they dont show love the same way#well. anyways im not very good at expressing my thoughts abt serious stuff#but its smth that rlly upsets me#its frustrating too bc ppl either dgaf abt animals aside from Maybe the cute ones or r too extreme in advocating for the freedom of animals#like u can absolutely give indoor cats proper enrichment. its just slightly more effort#and its not as simple as just. emptyinb out the zoos. READ ABT KEIKO!!!!!#i feel its a very interesting topic. but ppl r very b/w on it#idk i feel the majority of ppl know so little abt animals its like. impossible to get thru#like ok cool u think zoos r bad bc the lions get saddddd. but u also think snakes and bugs and rodents are nothing but disease spreaders#and cant also have complex lives#Tsk. Whateevr
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the imposter syndrome i feel every time i even slightly think i might be autistic is insane, specially for a person who highly relates to the lived experiences of people who are professionally diagnosed.
Like I was just watching this one youtuber, and she was talking about very specific examples in her life and childhood where she saw autistic traits that made her realize she was autistic and then seek a diagnosis and then get one, and everything she was saying was like she was describing my life! But yeah no, I can't be autistic tho
#and one thing that has been filling me with dread (as if it was relevant lol) is the idea of seeking a diagnosis and#either not geting it because it's already so hard to find a diagnosis for '''''''women''''''' (afabs)#and that will make me doubt myself even more! but most importantly those around me who already don't believe me#but also i'm very scared about this one thing in particular which is the talking to your parents portion of the diagnosis#where the therapist will want to talk to people who knew me as a child... and that person will have to be my mom#and i'm pretty sure she will dismiss most signs. like she would either not bring them up because ''they're normal''#or play them as less important than they were#or maybe she didn't even notice them! because most of my struggles are internal!#things like being bullied or having no friends or liking a routine#idk if she'll be able to talk about all those#because my bullying wasn't violent it was mostly dismissive#my ''friends'' weren't really friends like i didn't CARE for them as maybe someone would have#and also they would leave me for no reason at all out of the blue... so i don't think even THEY considered ME a friend#and liking routine i guess she could say i prefered it but she doesn't know to the extent i hated going off it#i'm sure she forgot about the time i cried (as a 10 year old so not THAT young) because they made us change classroom#and i didn't know that was gonna happen... it was added to the anxiety that i thought my mother wouldn't be able to find me#but like the unknown classroom traumatized me (to this day i get anxious just thinking about that)#like... all those things i don't think she would bring up (if she could even) and i fear that will make me not get a diagnosis#not that this is a thing that's gonna happen cause as i established i cannot afford a therapist nor i'll ever get a diagnosis i don't think#so like it's not relevant#but i am anxious about it nonetheless#angel talks#personal#idk what's my point with this post btw i'm just venting and creaming to the void#dkfjhgdfg
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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and then an overwhelming sense of dread apear.
#finished my last exam for this year YAY YIPPEE YAHOO ETC. but also now we wait for if i pass or not DREAD FEAR WARINESS ETC.#which i rlly don't think i will like. did not feel good abt the 1st exam period felt worse abt the 2nd and this one is like.....idk idk...#pretty confident abt the books part of the exam bc i KNOW i got everything on that correct but the thing is it was an oral exam and i was#stumbling over my words so bad + my voice was quivering i could hear it. hoping they don't count that as minus points but for the speech#thing i also had to do 2day they DO include how your voice sounds when you speak and like stammering and such in the final point count so#like. what if it's the same there.....ALSO they include use of gesturing to emphasize what you're saying and CORRECT EYE CONTACT in the#final point count. which. i don't have a problem with gesturing & i had a piece of paper in my hands so at least i wasn't too bad on that#front but when it comes to eye contact it's only flitting eyes or unnerving stare with me and nothing in between so i'm completely fucked i#that regard.#r.txt#WHATEVER it's done now. stupid ass weird rules WHO CARES if i don't have correct usage of eye contact what even is correct usage of eye#contact?????? like HOW am i supposed to know what the quote correct amount unquote is man. ALSO WHO GIVE A SHIT.#anyway going 2 luxembourg with my family for two weeks on august 5th probably. maybe sooner maybe later. we're going hiking + camping âșđČđŁ#but the hiking is mostly done without backpacks and the camping is gonna be in campings. camping places. however english calls it.#which is a little less fun but also easier. but also less fun. but ANYWAY we're going on vacation and my final exam is done so no more#stress đȘđ„łđđŁđ„⌠(<- guy who's SO gonna be still having stress until the results come in. and then some afterwards. yay 4 me đđ)
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i think about this daily. btw
#*taking a drag from a cigarette and sighing* these guys are trying to kill me#the damage these 2 could be doing if they only knew how to care about each other in normal and less obsessive and harsh ways#that panl of sae thinking abt rin after that 'but in terms of what they (BL) see and where they're going they're miles above you (u20)' lin#makes me sick. SICK.#sobs#the way he wants rin to be better than him and reach higher but knows that rin will never do it with the mindset he has towards fotball now#remember how he called rin an exceptional talent? or just me#anyway.#i shan't talk about this nay more because i've come to understand i'm probably one of the 3 people on the planet who actually like Sae#and I have too much to say. and frankly I think i've lost my objectivity when it comes to his character but#he's constantly microwaving in my mind. constantly. just know that. i've figured him out.#when I think of sae in my mind he's always alone. and i often think of how lonely and crushing his teenage years must have been#anyway#whatever#itoshi brothers..... hang in there#the bit abt the last day on earth is from the egoist bible btw#mine#itoshi sae#sae itoshi
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Reminding myself that I resolved not to delete any fics that have a bookmark on themđ
#there's this one frostmaster fic that must be TERRIBLE cos it fails on any metric but for some reason people bookmarked it#though the visible ones seem to be mostly people who bookmark literally everything they read so...#it has one (1) comment and like a thousand hits :|#i think it's not a bad fic! but apparently i am wrong about that :'(#BUT if there's one person out there who silently loves it i don't want to take it from them#i have invented a silent yet adoring audience in my head for fics that âdon't do numbersâ. between this and the âreason other than qualityâ#that i preemptively invent for any fic to flop i am left perhaps overly confident in my skillz but also a bit less worried about stats.#btw 'fair alfrida' didn't go too well either but i had fun writing it so fuck it i don't care (...much)#more positively: the frigga gen did v well and the sylki-on-sakaar one i fretted about for months does not actually repel readers!#and this year i feel like i'm doing fairly well despite posting a few quite niche fics :D#tbh some of my own fics are things i probably wouldn't click on cos they wouldn't seem like my jam from the summary/tags#and i beat myself up less about only writing short oneshots now that i've posted a couple of longer works as well#the sylki arranged marriage fic is on-track to be my second-longest fic ever (the bar was low but shhhh)#...as you can see i still put too much importance on length of fic even though i prefer reading shorter works meself :|#ANYWAY STATS BACK OFF NOW I THINK
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