#one way or another I dread chapter 143

[demonslayedher]

I can't wait to see what Ufotable does with this panel:

[pikashadow]

Approaching That Summer Sky a Diamond no Ace fanfiction

Rating: T

Pairing: Sawamura/Narumiya (Established Relationship)

Words: 9,032

Plot: Mei finds out from Itsuki that Eijun became the ace. And he isn't pleased. In other news, Eijun decides he's alright with letting the rest of his team (and the public) know about their relationship

Set after the summer tournament opening ceremony. To be more specific, this takes place sometime after Itsuki tells Mei about Eijun becoming the ace during Act II Chapter 143 of the manga and episode 46 of the anime.

A.N.: Recently, I’ve been getting back into Daiya no A. And after watching Eijun become the ace for the nth time, a plot bunny came to me. Which is great because we need more Eijun and Mei interactions.

This is set after the summer tournament opening ceremony. To be more specific, this takes place sometime after Itsuki tells Mei about Eijun becoming the ace during Act II Chapter 143 of the manga and episode 46 of the anime.

This is part two of my Summer Sky series, but you don’t need to read the first part to read this part.

I hope y’all enjoy it!

Mei couldn’t believe the nerve of his boyfriend.

He strode around the stadium, dark blue eyes on the lookout for Seidou colors.

And their idiot of an ace.

He couldn’t believe that idiot was forcing him to look for him. Knowing him as well as he did, though, he knew it was on purpose.

His boyfriend was extremely competitive and hated losing to him. He always found such joy whenever he did win against him. And while it annoyed him that he would lose, it didn’t bother him as much as it used to. At least in person or over video call. Because then he would at least get to see his boyfriend’s cute happy face. Over text was still annoying (especially when he would just spam emoticons and ignore any attempts to continue the conversation).

Thankfully, people could tell he was in a foul mood, steering clear of him and leaving enough room for him to walk without bumping into anyone or having to step around someone.

He ignored the whispers and the other teams’ gazes, focused on finding Seidou’s ace.

A couple of brave (or stupid) players spoke in a normal tone, his ears pricking up when they said his name.

“Oi, isn’t that Inashiro’s Narumiya Mei?”

“Yeah, it’s weird seeing him without his teammates. I wonder where they are.”

“More importantly, I feel sorry for the person who angered him. He looks ready to kill.”

He almost snorted.

What an exaggeration.

While he couldn’t harm Seidou’s ace (not that he planned on it in the first place), he still planned on giving him an earful.

Because what the hell?

Seidou’s ace, his boyfriend, didn’t even tell him he became the ace.

Didn’t he think even a little bit that he would like to know?

(Especially after what happened during the spring tournament. Did he forget about how he encouraged him?)

He had of course heard about the game with Hakuryuu, unable to stop the warmth and… pride when his boyfriend personally told him the news himself.

(… Not that he said anything to the person himself. Instead, after congratulating him, he warned him not to let it go to his head, mentioning how one great practice game didn’t mean he would become the ace. And either he took the warning to heart (he doubted it) or something else happened, but he kept his feet on the ground.)

And after hearing all about the practice games they won, he could safely assume he had been doing well.

But becoming the ace?

What had happened for him to suddenly become the ace?

And why didn’t he tell him anything?

With the summer tournament starting, they wouldn’t get to meet up as often. So unfortunately, that meant he had to track down his terrible boyfriend before they left.

The only good thing was that no one dared bother him as he continued to look. Which was good (and very wise). He refused to waste his time on people he didn’t even know. Or care about.

Fortunately, it didn’t take long to spot the unforgettable Seidou uniforms. And a very familiar back with the unmistakable number one on his jersey.

(At first, he almost missed him. Seidou’s ace was rarely quiet, and because of that, it was easy to find him wherever he was. If it wasn’t for that back, he would’ve almost walked past them.)

As he walked closer, he heard a familiar laugh.

… Great. Kazuya’s there.

He couldn’t hear whatever Kazuya was talking about, but it seemed he finished whatever he wanted to say to the team, already turning around to speak to someone else.

Not that he cared if he interrupted whatever Kazuya was talking about, but if he finished, it would make things easier.

A few Seidou players he didn’t recognize spotted him, their eyes widening. But before they could speak up and possibly warn their ace, he reached out, grabbing him by the scruff of his neck.

Eijun squawked, almost losing his balance as someone grabbed him and pulled him toward them. He started struggling, trying to get them to let go.

And while the rest of Seidou were no doubt used to him squawking, they all turned to look at him, various degrees of surprise and shock on their faces once they registered his presence.

“Narumiya Mei?”

Eijun froze at the mention of his name, his struggling starting anew as he tried to twist his head and look at him. “Mei? What are you doing here?”

Belatedly, he realized his mistake, freezing and watching as his teammates’ eyes widened even more (if possible).

And while Mei would normally take great pleasure in their reactions, they (unfortunately) didn’t have time for this. He couldn’t help but smirk in their direction, though, amused as most of them glared at him.

(He could’ve sworn he heard a few people growling, but it was probably just his imagination.)

He pulled Eijun closer, ignoring his noticeably weak protests before looking over at Kazuya. “I’m stealing him for a bit.”

Not bothering to wait for a response, he already turned away, pulling Eijun with him. Eijun was still protesting at the way he held him, but he followed obediently, shooting his teammates a half guilty and half embarrassed look.

“Don’t take too long. And make sure to give him back,” Kazuya said, smirking that all too familiar (and annoying) knowing smirk of his.

He waved flippantly with his free hand, not in the mood to deal with him.

Eijun, on the other hand, glared at him. “We know that, Cap! We’ll—” His eyes widened, belatedly realizing what he was saying and cut himself off. “I-I mean, I’ll be back soon.”

Much to his irritation, Miyuki looked way too amused at his slipup. “Didn’t know you two were that close, Sawamura.” He snickered, giving him another knowing smirk.

But before Eijun could respond, Mei tugged him sharply, causing him to let out a pained yelp. It was awkward with the way Mei held him, but he managed to turn his head enough so he could give him a glare.

“Come on, Eijun. We don’t have time for this.” Mei looked over his shoulder, finally allowing Eijun to see his face.

Eijun almost flinched at seeing his dark blue eyes and scowl. So it wasn’t his imagination that his boyfriend sounded angry? He quickly racked his brain, wondering what he did to anger him but drew a blank. Besides not texting him as much recently, he couldn’t think of anything.

And knowing Mei as well as he did, he knew Mei wasn’t angry about the texting.

But then why?

Why was he angry with him?

He would apologize, but he didn’t even know what he did.

But before he could even attempt at asking him, Mei pulled him along, already walking away and ignoring the sudden vocal protests from his teammates.

Contrary to what Cap thought, he wasn’t hiding his relationship with Mei from the rest of his teammates. He just… never found a good time to tell them. He liked to comfort himself with the thought that if his teammates asked, he would’ve told them the truth.

As he watched them react now, though, he found himself wishing he could’ve told them earlier.

Worse, his only ally in this situation was Miyuki freaking Kazuya.

That guy was definitely enjoying this. And he would no doubt tell the rest of the team about his relationship with Mei.

He groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

As Mei frequently reminded him, he wasn’t the best liar. And he was planning on telling them about it anyway. So really, it was no big deal.

But knowing who he had as an ally made him dread the upcoming conversation.

ZZZ

It didn’t take long for the rest of Seidou to turn to Kazuya, multiple people loudly protesting at what happened and demanding an explanation.

(Because Sawamura and Narumiya? What the hell? When did this happen? Would their ace be alright?)

Kazuya tried keeping a straight face as he raised a hand, asking them to quiet down.

But Kuramochi glaring at him made him realize he had failed.

“What the hell, Miyuki?! Why did you let Narumiya Mei kidnap Sawamura?”

He almost snickered, but miraculously, he stopped himself from doing so. He couldn’t stop the amused smirk from appearing, though. “Calm down. Sawamura will be alright.”

But that only infuriated Kuramochi more (if possible). “Stop enjoying this! This is serious! Shouldn’t we do something?”

This time, he snorted, unable to help it at the ridiculousness of the situation. “He’ll be fine.” He clicked his tongue as he noticed Kuramochi and a few others looking in the direction they left, as though about to chase after them. “Don’t go after them.”

Some of his teammates froze, not wanting to annoy him further.

Kuramochi turned his head to look at him, still glaring. “How do you know he’ll be alright?”

Kazuya resisted the urge to sigh. So much for enjoying the situation.

But before he answered, an idea came to him, causing him to almost smirk.

If he played his cards right, he would enjoy a much different (but still very entertaining) show.

“Those two are close friends,” he said, barely stopping himself from smirking at how everyone’s eyes widened in unison.

“Those two? Close friends? Sure didn’t seem like it,” Kuramochi grumbled. He couldn’t say he was too surprised (because of course Sawamura managed to somehow befriend Narumiya Mei of all people). He just wished his roommate had told him about it himself, feeling annoyed Miyuki knew about it before him.

Haruichi hummed thoughtfully, causing everyone to look at him. “It makes sense, though.”

“What does?”

Haruichi frowned, remembering what happened during the spring tournament. “During the Inashiro and Teitou game, he kept looking up at us. I thought I was imagining things at the time, so I didn’t think too much about it. But now I understand. He was looking for Eijun-kun.”

What he didn’t tell them was how Eijun had looked after the game as he talked about an ace being cool.

Was Eijun-kun talking about Narumiya-san?

Kazuya almost snickered as everyone else let out understanding noises. He remembered thinking Mei was being a little too obvious (even for someone like him), causing him to shake his head in amusement.

But before he could relax, Kuramochi frowned, shooting him a suspicious look. “Why do you know about this and we don’t?”

Thankfully, he had an explanation ready. “He accidentally told me one day. You know him. He’s bad at keeping secrets. If you had asked him about it, he would’ve told you the truth.”

(He wasn’t lying, but he wasn’t telling the whole truth either.)

Kuramochi pursed his lips, not mentioning how they hadn’t even heard about this until now. “So?”

Being the guy that Kazuya was, he only raised his eyebrows. “So what?”

Kuramochi felt his eye twitch, resisting the urge to grab their sorry excuse for a captain and shake him like Sawamura used to. “How did they become so close? They’re enemies!”

Everyone else nodded, still a little surprised to hear about Sawamura’s relationship with Narumiya Mei but also eager to hear more about it.

But Kazuya only shook his head, looking amused as most of them glared at him. “That’s his business. I’ll let him tell you the details.”

“You don’t normally care about that sort of thing,” Kuramochi pointed out, looking suspicious.

Kazuya shrugged, unbothered by his suspicion. “What can I say? I turned over a new leaf.”

“Liar!”

He almost snickered at the immediate response, knowing no one would believe that. “I’m serious. If you want to know, you have to ask him yourself.” He smirked, amused. “And this way, we’ll all get to watch him squirm together.”

“… You really are the worst.”

He laughed, grinning. “Thank you!”

“It wasn’t a compliment!”

ZZZ

Eijun knew he could be oblivious and very dense at times.

But he would need to be blind to miss the way everyone stared at them.

They must be quite the sight.

Mei had gotten tired of holding him by the scruff of his neck, now holding the back of his jersey. He ended up half pulling and half dragging him (which surprised him because he didn’t know he was this strong. He wasn’t this strong the last time they met. He was both excited and nervous to see how it affected his pitching. … Come to think of it, Cap did say he didn’t have any weaknesses).

By this point, he had stopped struggling, allowing Mei to do what he wanted. He hadn’t said anything since they walked away from his teammates, so he could safely assume Mei was waiting until they were alone to start talking.

Which suited him just fine.

Their relationship was their business. No one else needed to know about it.

He suddenly felt grateful for his understanding boyfriend.

… Well, it wasn’t understanding so much as not caring what people thought. Mei had already told his teammates about their relationship and would’ve told everyone here if given the choice. The only reason Mei hadn’t done anything to out their relationship a while ago was because of him.

He felt bad for making him wait, but he had wanted to wait until he at least became the ace. Mei wouldn’t care what people thought about their relationship, but he knew it would’ve been much worse if they had outed their relationship last year. At least now, they were somewhat equal. Some people would disagree, of course, but he found he didn’t care. As long as they didn’t interfere with their relationship, he could care less what people thought.

“Oi, isn’t that Narumiya Mei?”

“Yeah, and he’s with Seidou’s ace!”

“Oh, that loud guy, right? They must have a cozy relationship.”

Eijun let out a surprised noise as Mei stopped walking, unable to stop himself from gaping as he promptly let go of him. He stumbled, briefly losing his balance without his support.

But Mei was there in a flash (was he always that fast?), easily stepping into his personal space to hold him up and provide support until he could stand up straight without it.

He opened his mouth to thank him, but Mei quickly turned around, only pausing to grab his wrist and continue walking as if nothing happened.

He blinked a few times, looking behind him at where they were a moment ago, confused.

… What just happened?

While he certainly felt grateful (and happy) to follow Mei on his own feet rather than being dragged along, he couldn’t help but feel baffled as to why it happened.

Wasn’t Mei still angry with him?

Maybe it was because those players were talking about them?

… No.

That was impossible.

Mei didn’t care what people thought. And this time was probably no different.

Maybe he got tired of dragging him and thought it was faster if he let him walk?

He looked back at Mei, nodding to himself.

Now that sounded more like him.

A few minutes later, they finally found a spot unoccupied near the northern exit of the stadium. Mei led them over to a pillar almost covered in shadows, only letting go when he felt satisfied no one would give them a second glance.

Eijun thought Mei would want to greet him (especially since they couldn’t do it in front of his teammates), but to his surprise, Mei created some distance between them, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He stayed close enough that he could reach out and touch him if he wanted, but when he tried reaching out, his boyfriend gave him a warning look, causing him to hastily drop his hand.

All they could hear was the buzzing of the cicadas in the trees around them.

… He couldn’t wait anymore.

“Why are you angry?” he blurted. And not happy.

Normally, Mei would be almost annoyingly happy to see him. His whole face would light up, that cheeky grin Eijun both liked and disliked appearing on his face as he teased him about being happy to see him. His bright blue eyes would sparkle with happiness and a bit of mischief.

He loved seeing Mei look happy. Especially when he was the cause of it.

It had been a while since he last saw it in person and not over a video call. If he were honest, he didn’t even think he would get to meet Mei today. So he was already happy Mei came looking for him.

He didn’t know what he did to anger him. He wanted to apologize for whatever he did so he could see his happy face.

Mei raised his eyebrows, as if surprised he even asked. “Why?” he echoed mockingly, finally uncrossing his arms. But his hands quickly formed fists at his sides, Eijun wishing he could reach out and hold them so he didn’t hurt himself. “You don’t know?”

When Eijun only gave him a blank look, he scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Of course you don’t.” Eijun frowned, wondering if that was an insult. But before he could ask, Mei jabbed his chest with a finger. “Don’t you have something to tell me? Something important?”

If it were any other occasion, Mei would’ve laughed at his baffled look.

He shook his head, almost snorting. “You’re unbelievable.”

… Now that sounded like an insult.

“Look, I don’t understand what you’re trying to say. Stop beating around the bush, and just tell me!” Eijun huffed, frustrated.

All he wanted was to apologize so they could enjoy the rest of their time together. Mei had to know they didn’t have a lot of time left.

Why couldn’t he just tell him? Was that so hard?

Looking unfazed by his visible frustration, Mei reached out, pulling on the back of his jersey.

… Huh?

Why was he pulling on his jersey?

Just as he was about to ask, Mei huffed, pointing to his back. He frowned, not understanding why he pointed at his back. The back of his jersey only had his number…

His eyes widened, his mouth forming an O as realization dawned on him.

Mei gave him a scornful look, no doubt recognizing the reaction. “Is there something you want to tell me, Seidou’s ace?”

Eijun smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. “So that’s what this is about.”

“You didn’t think I would like to know that information?”

Eijun winced at his cold tone and icy glare. It wasn’t his first time on the receiving end of Mei’s icy glare, but he couldn’t help but feel nervous. “This is all a huge misunderstanding—”

“Don’t give me that!”

Eijun shrank back, startled by his raised voice.

“I had to hear the news from Itsuki. You were supposed to be the one who told me that news. Not him!” Mei’s fists trembled by his sides, his normally bright blue eyes a dark blue. Eijun felt his heart clench at the noticeable hurt in his boyfriend’s voice, watching as his shoulders shook. He felt awful. “You’re lucky I heard it from him and not from the gossip going around or I’d—”

Eijun couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

He stepped closer, wrapping his arms around his back. “I’m sorry!”

Mei froze at the contact, blinking as he belatedly registered the apology. “Eh?”

If it were any other occasion, Eijun would tease him for his less than eloquent response.

“I said I’m sorry,” he murmured, pulling back. But before he could completely let go, his boyfriend’s arms wrapped around his back, keeping him close and almost causing a smile to form on his face. “I wanted to surprise you,” he admitted. “I knew there was a chance of us meeting today, and I thought it would be great to surprise you with the news.”

He laughed humorlessly. “I forgot that I’m not in Nagano. And that people talk.” He pulled back enough so Mei could see the sincerity in his eyes. “I… wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Mei wanted to sigh. Because that was so Eijun.

He even wanted to protest that Eijun didn’t hurt him and that he only angered him.

But instead he shook his head, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. “Idiot,” he scolded. There was no heat in his words, though. Eijun gave him another sheepish smile, his smile turning into his normal one at the sight of fond bright blue eyes.

“You didn’t need to do that. I would’ve been happy if you had just texted me the news,” Mei said, giving him an amused look.

To his amusement, Eijun only nodded his head enthusiastically. “This Sawamura Eijun shall endeavor to remember that.”

Mei laughed. It was a bright and happy laugh (his real laugh), causing warmth to grow inside his chest and a goofy smile to appear on his face.

He felt happy (and smug) that only he could make him laugh like that.

Mei let go with one arm to poke him in the nose, smiling as Eijun only blinked. “You silly boy. I keep telling you that you don’t need to be so formal with me.”

“But you’re the one who keeps reminding me that I need to speak to you with more respect,” Eijun pointed out, grinning devilishly.

“And yet you never do it,” Mei said, raising his eyebrows.

Eijun shrugged. “Oops.” He laughed at Mei’s mock insulted look.

A thought came to him, causing his mouth to open.

Only to yelp as Mei jabbed him in his ribs with his index fingers.

“Ow! What did you do that for?”

Mei huffed. His boyfriend was definitely spending too much time with Kazuya.

… And he would spend even more time with him now that he became the ace.

Damn it.

“Stop being cheeky. It doesn’t suit you.”

But instead of looking insulted, Eijun only smiled, amused. “How could I forget? Being cheeky is your thing.”

Mei smirked, looking proud. “Exactly!”

“So wouldn’t you say that I learned from the best?”

Mei laughed, eyes happy and soft. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but Eijun caught him off guard. He wasn’t normally this playful. Or willing to feed his ego. “What’s with you? You’re not normally like this.”

Eijun gasped, eyes gleaming mischievously. “What, you don’t want me to act like you? I’m shocked!”

“Shut it, you. You know what I mean.”

Eijun laughed. And it wasn’t his signature, loud laugh either. It was a much softer and happy laugh. “Does this mean you forgive me?”

Despite having seen it countless times before, Mei almost had to look away at his hopeful look. He was too cute.

… And it almost made him forget he was angry in the first place.

He frowned, lips twitching and threatening to burst into a smile. “… I suppose.”

Eijun accidentally let out a loud cheer, hugging him once more. “Thank you! I really am sorry. I’ll try not to do it again.”

“Idiot. Your voice is too loud. Someone will hear you,” Mei scolded. But just like earlier, there was no heat in it.

“… Bet you would like that,” Eijun murmured into his uniform.

“What was that?”

Eijun pulled away, shaking his head and giving him an innocent smile. “It’s nothing.”

Mei almost snorted at the obvious lie, giving him an unconvinced look. “Like I believe that.” He was about to press for more details, but his boyfriend reached out with one hand, touching his shoulder.

His lips twitched once more as Eijun gave him an expectant look. Knowing him as well as he did, he was familiar with that look.

An idea came to him, causing him to almost smirk.

He leaned in, kissing him.

But he couldn’t help but tease him, purposely avoiding his lips and kissing his cheek instead.

Pulling back, he snickered as Eijun glared at him. “So impatient,” he murmured, an impish gleam in his eyes. “I thought you liked all my kisses. No matter where they end up.”

And before a red faced Eijun could yell at him, he leaned in once more and finally gave him what he wanted by kissing his lips.

Eijun froze briefly at the contact before quickly relaxing, pressing himself further into his embrace.

The kiss was gentle and innocent.

Much to his disappointment, the kiss didn’t last long, his boyfriend already pulling away from him.

Mei gave him an amused look at the pout on his face. He waited purposely for a few moments before deciding one kiss wasn’t enough and leaned back in.

Eijun closed his eyes, tightening his grip on his uniform as he responded.

Mei’s lips tasted sweet, causing him to wonder if he had chewed some gum earlier.

It was a long moment before Mei pulled away, an amused smirk on his face as Eijun chased after his lips.

He gave in, allowing him to kiss him.

Eijun briefly remembered where they were, but it quickly disappeared as the kiss turned more passionate. He responded eagerly, trying to match the pace and not wanting to lose.

He shivered as he felt fingers brushing his sensitive sides, somehow feeling the touch through his uniform. Even with his eyes closed, he could feel that irritatingly familiar smirk on his face, causing him to huff into the kiss.

It was unfair how much Mei’s touches affected him. They’ve been dating for a while now, and for some reason, he thought his body would be accustomed to his touches by now.

The only good thing was that Mei was affected by his touches as much as he was by his.

As they pulled away to take a breather, Eijun couldn’t stop himself from leaning in and kissing every inch of his face that he could reach.

… Which was easy since he was taller than his boyfriend (by a centimeter and only a centimeter he liked to remind him, only amusing him further).

Mei stood still as he showed his love, unable to stop himself from laughing as he kissed both his cheeks, nose, and forehead in quick succession.

When it didn’t look like he was going to stop anytime soon, he reached up to his hair and pulled a little, causing him to pause and look at him.

“While I enjoy your attention,” Mei said, smirking as Eijun pouted. “Have you forgotten where we are?”

They were hidden by the pillar, and as long as someone didn’t look too closely, they wouldn’t spot them. But there was always a chance someone could see them.

Eijun pulled away, frowning at the reminder and Mei stopping him. “I thought that’s why you dragged me over here in the first place!” he whined.

Mei grinned, combing his hands through his hair fondly. “I’m just reminding you not to get carried away.” He snickered as Eijun grumbled about not getting carried away, watching as the other pitcher closed his eyes at the gentle touch.

“I thought you didn’t want to tell people about us.”

Eijun reluctantly opened his eyes, remembering what happened earlier. And before he could think too much about it, his mouth opened impulsively. “Is that what happened earlier?” he blurted.

Mei’s eyes widened before looking away from him with a huff. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Eijun couldn’t stop the disappointed whine from escaping as he stopped combing his hair and let go. “Don’t give me that. You were content dragging me until those guys spoke up.” He watched him for a reaction, but the only thing Mei did was shrug. “I thought you didn’t care what people thought.” His voice was soft and confused, almost sounding concerned.

Mei looked back at him, chin tilted condescendingly. “I don’t.”

“Then why?”

But to his confusion, Mei only gave him an unreadable look.

He let out a huff of his own, frustrated he wouldn’t talk to him. “I… You’re so… Why can’t you just—”

“You do, though.”

Eijun blinked a few times, confused. “Eh?”

Mei glared mutinously, reluctantly allowing him to hold his hands. “I don’t care. But you do, though.”

Eijun’s eyes widened, his mouth opening. “You… You did it for me?” His voice was impossibly soft. He wouldn’t be surprised if Mei didn’t hear him.

“… You heard what they said,” Mei grumbled, somehow hearing him. His ears reddened as Eijun continued staring at him. “I don’t want to taint your reputation. Especially now that you’re the ace.”

To his irritation, Eijun only snorted, giving him an incredulous look. “As if you’ve done anything that bad.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “Unless it’s something I haven’t heard about.”

Mei scowled at his expectant look, tempted to jab him in the ribs again. “I don’t have anything to tell you.”

Eijun nodded, as if that made sense. “There you go. See? That wasn’t too hard, was it?”

Mei was about to scold him for patronizing him. But then he belatedly registered what he wasn’t saying. “You mean… you’re alright with letting people know?” he asked slowly.

Eijun shrugged. “As long as they don’t interfere with our relationship, I don’t care what they think.”

Mei couldn’t help but gape at him for a couple of moments. When did he start thinking that? He didn’t tell him anything. “What changed?” he asked, curious.

“… I wanted to wait until I became the ace. People will still talk regardless, but I thought it might make things easier.” Eijun smiled sheepishly.

Now Mei was the one confused. “Easier?”

Eijun let go of his hands to hold up his index fingers. “Before, you were the ace.” He indicated one of his fingers by wiggling it slightly. “While I was just a reserve pitcher. Not to mention a first year.” He wiggled his other finger. “But now, I’m the ace and a second year” -he wiggled one finger- “and you’re the ace.” He wiggled his other finger one last time before smiling proudly.

Mei blinked a few times, trying to decide whether what just happened was adorable or confusing. Or both. Only Eijun could do this to him. “… So what you’re saying is that the attention won’t be as bad since we’re equal in standing?”

Eijun beamed, pointing at him with one finger. “Exactly!”

“… You do realize that I’m still a year older than you, right?”

Eijun frowned at him, placing his hands on his hips. “I wasn’t talking about age. I was talking about experience.” When Mei only gave him a blank look, he hummed, wondering how to explain it. “As a first year, no one knows you that well. It probably would’ve been weird if people found out I was dating you last year. But now, people have heard of me. And they’re starting to hear more about me now that I became the ace.”

He paused, laughing his signature (and obnoxious) laughs. “And they’ll continue to talk about me when I pitch well during the tournament.”

Mei shook his head, rolling his eyes. “But I still outrank you when it comes to experience.” And I’m still the king.

Eijun huffed, pointing at him again, as if he somehow read his mind. “That isn’t important right now.”

Mei felt his lips twitch as he glared at him. “I thought we were talking about experience.”

“Ah! Exposure! That’s the word I was looking for,” Eijun said, looking at him triumphantly.

Mei laughed hard, giving him an amused look. “How did you mess that up?” Chuckles escaped his mouth as Eijun glared at him.

“S-Shut up! I didn’t mean to!”

“Let’s go back to what we were talking about,” Mei suggested, but his voice still sounded amused, causing him to feel irritated.

“Fine! But stop sounding so amused, jerk!”

“… Impossible.” Mei snickered as he gave him another dirty look. “I’ve still had more exposure than you.”

Eijun growled, tempted to hit him. “But every little bit helps! Besides, I’m not saying that we have to go out there right now and declare our relationship to everyone.”

“Oh? And here I thought you don’t care what they think.”

Eijun stomped his foot, agitated. “I don’t!” He paused before avoiding eye contact. “I don’t care. But I care what they think of you. What if they badmouth you?”

Mei scoffed. “I don’t care. And why exactly would they badmouth me?”

Eijun looked strangely hesitant, which was a rare occurrence with him.

“You could have anyone you wanted. And yet you chose me.”

He couldn’t stop himself from snorting, feeling relieved as Eijun met his eyes once more. “I don’t care what anyone thinks,” he repeated, placing his hands on his hips. “It’s not their decision who I end up with. I chose you because I like you. And I don’t plan on leaving you anytime soon.” Eijun beamed at him, no longer looking worried. “Even if you’re a bit of an idiot at times and drive me crazy.”

Eijun squawked, pointing at him. “You didn’t need to add that last part!”

Mei snickered, reaching out and grabbing his hands. “It’s true, though,” he said cheekily. When Eijun only huffed, he rubbed his thumbs on his knuckles tenderly. “Speaking of letting people know… Do your teammates even know about us?”

Eijun reddened, giving him a sheepish smile. “Not yet. I meant to tell them before now, but I could never find the right timing.”

Mei almost laughed, shaking his head fondly. “You and your timing.” He had shouted about how the timing had to be right when he confessed, too.

(… And yet, he still chose the worst possible timing to confess, a fact he still liked teasing him over.)

“I think they know now, though.”

Mei furrowed his eyebrows. “Because of me?”

“No!” Eijun shouted impulsively, causing him to wince at the volume. “… Sorry. I didn’t mean to shout. I think Cap told them after we left,” he continued in a softer voice.

Mei pursed his lips at the mention of Kazuya. “Oh, that’s right. He’s the only one who knows on your team.” While it was helpful to have Kazuya looking out for his boyfriend (especially when he couldn’t always be there for him), he still found himself wishing someone else knew about their relationship.

Of all people on his boyfriend’s team, why did he have to find out?

Eijun nodded, looking determined. “Since they probably know now, I’ll admit to it and tell them the truth.”

Mei raised his eyebrows, surprised. But after a few moments, he nodded, looking thoughtful. “Yeah, that makes sense.” While it would’ve been fun to see his teammates’ reactions in person, he understood this was something Eijun had to do by himself. “What exactly do you plan on telling them?” he asked, curious.

Eijun beamed at him, tightening his grip on his hands. “That I like you and that we’re dating.”

Mei waited for him to continue, but when Eijun only continued beaming, he couldn’t help but laugh, caught off guard. “Wait… That’s it?”

Eijun blinked a few times, confused. “There’s nothing else to tell.” He grinned, eyes gleaming mischievously. “I’m not the type to kiss and tell. Unless you would prefer if I regale them with the whole story?”

Mei snorted, shaking his head. That was so simple and so Eijun. “Do whatever you want. You know that I already told my teammates all about us.” He almost snickered at his wide-eyed look. “Relax. I didn’t tell them everything.” He gave him a suggestive look, snickering as he turned red.

“Well, that’s… That’s good. Not that I would care if you did tell them everything.”

Mei gave him an unconvinced look. “Uh huh. Like I believe that.” He beamed, remembering something. “I tell them all about how nice you are to me. And about all our dates.”

Eijun’s lips twitched. “You mean you brag about it to everyone who’ll listen.”

“It’s to be expected. Everyone wants to listen to information about their ace,” Mei said, puffing his chest out and making Eijun roll his eyes.

“… It’s not like they have a choice,” Eijun muttered.

“What was that?”

Eijun smiled innocently. “Nothing.” He snickered at his insulted look.

Only to shriek as he jabbed him in the ribs.

“Ow! Quit doing that, you jerk!”

Mei huffed, tempted to do it again. “Then quit being so cheeky.” He let out a shriek of his own as Eijun reciprocated, causing him to smirk.

“Now who’s the cheeky one?”

He glared at him, tousling his hair roughly. “Still you, brat!”

Not one to back down, Eijun reciprocated, causing him to squawk.

Their hands turned into a blur of jabs, the two basically wrestling at this point.

Several moments later, both silently agreed to call a truce, letting go to smooth down their hair. Eijun watched, amused as Mei huffed while trying to smooth down his hair.

“You know you could just wear your hat,” he couldn’t help but point out, grinning as Mei gave him another glare.

“Shut it, you. It’s not the same.”

Eijun tilted his head, confused. “What do you mean?”

“… I can hide it under a hat to prevent other people from seeing it. But I would still know it’s messed up.”

Eijun hid his laugh behind a fist. What a drama queen.

Mei finally gave up a few moments later, glaring up at his hair mutinously. His eyes widened, belatedly remembering something. He reached out, touching Eijun’s shoulders. “Turn around.”

When Eijun only let out a confused noise, he rolled his eyes. “I said turn around. Let me see the ace number on your back.”

Eijun furrowed his eyebrows. “But didn’t you see it earlier?”

“I wasn’t in the mood to appreciate it fully. Just… do as I say.”

To his amusement, Eijun turned around with a huff, dislodging his hands. But in the next moment, he stood up straight, proudly displaying his number.

The ace number looked good on his back. As if it belonged there. And while Mei knew this was just the beginning, he couldn’t help but feel… proud.

Eijun had always talked about becoming the ace, and while he hardly voiced it, he had always known he would one day become the ace.

His boyfriend was the ace.

(He wanted to brag about his boyfriend to anyone who would listen. And then watch smugly as everyone finally paid him the attention he deserved. Because frankly, it was about damn time.)

And although they still had multiple games to play first, he found himself already looking forward to the finals.

Where they’ll face Seidou.

Eijun had to have grown a lot as a pitcher since the last time he saw him pitch. He probably had some new pitches, too.

He had to watch him pitch sometime. Not just as his boyfriend, but as his future opponent and rival.

Eijun started to fidget, looking over his shoulder at him. It was only then Mei realized he hadn’t said anything yet.

He couldn’t help but snort as he reached out, amused by his inability to remain still for long. At first, he reached out with his right hand. But he paused before it could make contact, staring at it for a few moments before promptly switching hands.

It only seemed right to touch him with his pitching hand. Especially as a fellow southpaw pitcher.

Eijun froze at his touch, golden eyes wide. He almost stopped breathing as he noticed which hand touched him.

Mei gently touched the ace number, tracing it with his fingers and his eyes. His lips twitched as Eijun shivered slightly at his light touches, his body twitching to indicate that if he could lean back into the touch, he would. Once he finished tracing it, he moved his hand slightly to the left, his hand no longer touching the number one but still in contact with the ace number.

Mei looked up into golden eyes, Eijun’s breath taken away at the genuine smile on his face. That genuine smile made him feel on top of the world. Like he could take on any number of strong batters and not give up any hits. Or punch the stadium walls down.

(He tried it once. Would not recommend it.)

If Mei demanded him to pitch a no-hitter, he would do it if it meant seeing that smile.

“Congrats, Eijun,” Mei said softly. “I knew you could do it.”

Eijun flushed, pleased with his reaction. He flushed pinker as he noticed the pride in those blue eyes he liked so much. The best part was that Mei wasn’t even trying to hide it from him.

When Mei finally stopped touching him (his heart clenching at how reluctant he looked), Eijun immediately turned around, hugging him.

He let out a happy sound as Mei wrapped his arms around him, keeping him close.

“Thank you, Mei,” he said in a low voice. He pulled back enough so he could look him in the eyes. “That means a lot, coming from you.”

“… Because I’m the king?” Mei joked, one hand reaching up to touch his cheek.

Eijun rolled his eyes good-naturedly as he leaned into the touch, watching as Mei’s eyes softened at his reaction. “Because you’re the pitcher and ace I respect most.”

When he confessed, Eijun had said something about wanting to become an ace like him. So he knew Eijun somewhat looked up to him and respected him.

But it still felt immensely satisfying to know Eijun recognized his hard work and respected him for it.

(If he didn’t know Eijun as well as he did, he would’ve accused him of just saying that to please him. But Eijun couldn’t lie to save his life. And he was always so straightforward and honest that he knew he was telling the truth.)

For reasons unknown to him, he felt drawn to the boy in front of him. He didn’t care what people thought of him, but he found himself wanting to make Eijun proud of him. He wanted Eijun to be proud he was dating him.

(… Not that he didn’t feel that way already. He had to be, considering he was dating the king. But it still felt nice to hear him say it out loud and know he was… enough for him.)

It flattered him and made him happy to know that Eijun always saw him as an inspiration and a goal.

(Of course, Eijun hadn’t reached his goal yet. He refused to let him catch up that easily.)

“… I’m flattered you think of me that way,” Mei said, flushing. Eijun rolled his eyes again, probably thinking he was being sarcastic or smug. He shook his head and gave him a serious look, making Eijun catch his breath “Out of all the pitchers I’ve watched or played against, you’re the only one I’m interested in. Even though it irritates me at times, you command my attention.”

He couldn’t help but give him a teasing grin. “And maybe someday you’ll catch up to me. But not anytime soon.”

Eijun frowned, almost pouting. “Quit being an ass. You’re ruining the moment.”

Mei snickered, noticing his red cheeks. It felt good knowing he could still make him go red after all this time. Although, he supposed, it was probably more so because of the praise than anything he did.

Still cute, though.

“How’s this for a moment?” He tugged him closer, letting his hand fall from his cheek as he kissed him.

Eijun gasped into the kiss, kissing back enthusiastically after a moment. He didn’t think he would ever get tired of kissing him. He grumbled a protest as Mei pulled away with a breathless, barely audible laugh several moments later.

“Too short,” he muttered, holding onto his uniform and trying to tug him back in. “Again,” he demanded.

To his disappointment, Mei didn’t move an inch. His boyfriend let out another laugh, giving him a teasing smirk. “You must really like kissing me.” When Eijun only gave him a dirty look, his eyes softened. “… Okay,” he agreed. “Again.” He watched as his eyes lit up, feeling happy (but also smug) that only he could see him like that.

Eijun eagerly leaned back in, intent on kissing him longer than Mei kissed him (and maybe make him weak in the knees for once). Mei almost snickered at his eagerness, but he managed to stop himself at the last moment, knowing it would be hypocritical of him (considering he was just as eager to kiss him again).

… But just as their lips were about to touch, someone cleared their throat loudly, causing them to freeze.

They quickly pulled away, looking in the direction the noise came from.

To their relief, the culprit was only Itsuki. And while Eijun still felt a little embarrassed at getting caught like that, it was lessened since he knew Itsuki.

It also helped that Itsuki had his eyes averted politely.

Mei had no qualms about giving him a dirty look (not that he could see it) for interrupting them. “Itsuki~ I trust you have a good reason for interrupting us,” he drawled, causing Eijun and Itsuki to wince at the undertone of anger in his words.

When Itsuki hesitantly looked up, Eijun gave him a cheerful smile. “It’s good to see you, Itsuki! I haven’t seen you in a while.”

Itsuki, who had been looking nervous, immediately smiled at him. “It’s good to see you, too, Eijun. I meant to message you about the new series you got me into, but I keep forgetting.”

Eijun’s eyes lit up even more (if possible). “You’re enjoying it? Isn’t the main character adorable? How far have you gotten?”

Mei’s eye twitched as they started talking about whatever series Eijun had gotten into recently, completely ignoring him. Eijun had completely forgotten he was still holding onto him, waving his hands around as he described events or what a certain character did.

“Oi!” Both jumped at the interruption, finally looking at him sheepishly.

(He liked that his boyfriend and Itsuki, his battery partner, got along well. He really did. But not when they proceeded to ignore him. As if he wasn’t even there. Or important.)

“Was there a reason you interrupted us, or did you just come over to waste our time?” he said mockingly, causing both to wince (this time at the noticeable anger in his words).

“I’m sorry, Mei-san. I didn’t want to interrupt you two. I promise I have a good reason.” When Mei only raised his eyebrows, he gave them an apologetic look. “Coach sent me to tell you that we’re leaving.”

Eijun almost groaned at that. There went his alone time with Mei. Why did their time together always seem so short?

Mei blinked, confused. “He sent you? Why couldn’t someone just message me?” Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Eijun pouting, causing him to tighten his grip. Not enough to hurt (no, never hurt) but enough that Eijun could tell he didn’t want to leave him either.

That caused a small smile to form on his face, making him inwardly celebrate that he made him smile.

“We did message you, Mei-san. No one could find you either,” Itsuki said. He felt sympathetic, knowing the two pitchers couldn’t meet up as often as they would want to, which lessened any feelings of irritation or frustration. “By the way, I’m glad you’re not angry anymore,” he said, before looking at Eijun again. “I’m also glad you’re still alive, Eijun.”

Eijun looked over at him, bewildered. “Uh… thank you?”

“Also, while I don’t know Seidou’s schedule, I heard some people looking for you.”

Eijun paled, immediately letting go of him to take out his phone. Mei frowned at the loss of contact, reluctantly letting go of him. He watched as Eijun looked at the time, horrified. “Damn it! Boss is going to kill me!”

Eijun quickly scurried off, but he didn’t even make it a few feet away before stopping in his tracks.

Mei, who reluctantly understood he had to go, was about to complain he didn’t receive a kiss goodbye.

Only to feel surprised as Eijun turned around, running back toward him. Once he was close enough, Eijun threw his arms around him, pulling him into a kiss.

Mei quickly wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer. And while the kiss was shorter due to the time constraint, they still managed to make it somewhat passionate.

They pulled away several moments later, Eijun beaming at him even as he breathed heavily. “I guess next time I see you, it’ll be time for the finals.”

Mei almost had to look away, his breath catching in his throat at Eijun’s smile. “You had better not trip before you face us,” he said, giving him a condescending smirk.

Eijun’s answering smile was feral, almost predatory. His golden eyes almost made Mei’s mouth dry up, the intense gaze reminding him of whenever his boyfriend pitched. “Right back at ya.”

Mei scoffed. “Who do you think you’re talking to? We won’t lose.”

(Some part of him felt insulted his boyfriend thought (even for a second) that they would lose. He would need to remind him that the loss during the fall tournament was just a one-time thing.)

He couldn’t help but point at him. “You’re not allowed to lose before you face us! Got that? Don’t disappoint me.”

To his surprise, Eijun smirked, eyes gleaming mischievously. “I would never think of disappointing the king.” He proceeded to bow mockingly.

Before he could reach out and swat him, Eijun scurried off, laughing at his disgruntled expression. “Get back here, you rude brat!”

Eijun only laughed, but before he left his sight, he raised his cell phone, silently telling him he would text him.

Mei grumbled to himself as he walked over to Itsuki, somewhat appeased by Eijun’s promise to text him.

He would have to show him exactly why he’s the king next time they meet.

But first, both needed to concentrate on their first game.

Or they might trip before even making it to the finals.

… Not that Mei was worried. He had complete faith both of their teams would keep winning and make the finals.

Where they’ll finally have a pitching duel as ace of their respective schools.

ZZZ

Kazuya watched, amused as the rest of the first string kept glancing at Sawamura out of the corner of their eyes.

They were all hanging out in his room, playing video games after dinner (during which he swore someone would cave and question Sawamura, but besides glancing at him multiple times, no one did anything). A few of their teammates looked tense, as if ready to chase if Sawamura tried to escape.

But just as he was starting to think Kuramochi would pounce on their ace, Sawamura cleared his throat loudly, attracting everyone’s attention.

He managed to keep a straight face as everyone immediately looked at their ace.

Time for the show to begin.

Sawamura looked sheepish, rubbing the back of his head. “I wanted to talk to you guys about my relationship with Mei.” If he didn’t already have everyone’s attention, they definitely would’ve started paying attention now. “I admit, I should’ve told you guys earlier. So I’m sorry.” A determined glint went into his eyes. “But I’m not apologizing about our relationship. I like him, and I’m going to continue to date him whether you guys like it or not.”

A shocked silence greeted his words, with multiple people gaping at their ace (much to Kazuya’s amusement).

“DATING?!” The team yelled, causing Sawamura to wince. Kazuya couldn’t help himself. He started laughing quietly. A few people sounded like they were choking, causing Sawamura to look alarmed (but also vaguely offended. He would probably never admit it out loud, though.)

Sawamura opened and closed his mouth a few times, resembling a goldfish. He looked around him multiple times, as if not understanding the reaction. In the next moment, though, he turned to look at him with his cat eyes, causing him to chuckle. “I thought you would tell them! What’s wrong with you?”

“You actually wanted me to tell them the truth? Isn’t that ironic?” Kazuya teased, smirking.

“Shut up! I just… What did you tell them?”

Kazuya debated not answering for a few moments, but he finally decided to give in, thinking it might be more amusing that way. He shrugged, trying to look innocent. “As close to the truth as possible. That you two are close friends.”

“Liar!”

Kazuya raised his eyebrows, feigning a hurt expression. “I’m telling the truth this time.” When Sawamura still looked suspicious, he gestured to the rest of the team. “Go ahead. Ask them. They’ll tell you what I said.”

Sawamura turned back to look at the rest of the team, biting his lower lip, as if trying to decide what or who to ask.

But then, as if the team were waiting for Sawamura to finish talking to him, they all exploded into action, many of them talking over each other.

Kazuya started laughing quietly at their ace’s bewildered expression. Sawamura tried to ask them to calm down (most likely so he could understand what people were saying), but no one wanted to listen to him.

“What the fuck? How did this even—”

“Why Narumiya of all people? Huh?!”

“Aniki is going to kill us…”

“Is he treating you right? We saw how he grabbed you earlier.”

Kazuya cackled hysterically as everyone shouted, trying to force Sawamura to answer them. Not that their ace could hear anything besides little snippets here and there.

… He was right.

This was much more entertaining than the situation he found himself in earlier.

He leaned back against the side of his bed, content to watch as the team collectively lost their shit with a lost (and now very offended) Sawamura in the middle of the chaos.

He would step in if things got too chaotic or someone went overboard.

But for now, he wanted to enjoy the show while it lasted.

[jiminwreckedme]

Gyve (1)

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 4.5 | 5 |

Member - Hoseok x reader

Genre - Angst, Drama, tiny bit of implied smut

Word count - 7.4K

Summary - On the occasion of your best friends wedding and high school reunion, you happened to meet once again, one of the richest heirs of the country, famous fuckboy Jung Hoseok.

While the world saw him as a cocky arrogant person and you, as a confident, strong woman, only the two of you knew the scars that were hidden, and things you both were unable to fix.

Only the two of you could see right through each others facade.

But could you and Hoseok finally break the gyves holding you back? Or were you the ones who shackled each other in the first place?

Namjoon was feeling breathless.

As if the suit he was clad was not suffocating enough, there had been a sort of dread constantly constricting his chest for the past few days. Of course he was tensed because Jin seemed to rely entirely on him alone for the smooth flow of events but there was something else bothering him too. Physically he was present, assigning and over seeing work around the party but mentally he was lost. He only had one thought persistently ringing through his head Was this reunion a right choice? Yes Namjoon did want to meet all the old school mates who were here - some of whom he had lost contact with over the years, some of whom who surprisingly managed to stick to him the past 6 years, some of whom till today remained no more than a business contact. Almost all 143 students of their batch were present here but instead of relishing the moment, all he could see was the underlying danger in all of this. The danger of revisiting the past, a place where things may not have happened the way they wanted it to. And that’s why even though today he was standing amidst people he had practically grown up with, he was still unable to relax. Because as uncertain as their future is, that certain was the fact that their past was not something nice enough to be remembered again. Walking through the chatting crowd, Namjoon tried to smile as politely as possible at all those who greeted him, hiding the days of tiredness on his shoulders, till he finally reached Jin. “Jin, Listen up, Yoongi called a while back to tell he won’t be reaching today, some meeting or something came up apparently. As usual he is obviously making up excuses to avoid social interactions. Mark my words this fellow will only turn up, at the maximum, an hour before your wedding. That workaholic asshole.”

Jin shook his head exasperated as Namjoon checked through his list updating the groom to be on everything

“The situation here is pretty much under control. I’ve given Charlie instructions so he will make sure that all guests are handed props. The make up artists are also ready. They messaged me that they are in the dressing rooms so you and Mia can go change after your individual shoots are over. Jimin and Kate are taking care of all the food and drinks so everyone is well fed. As far as music is concerned,”

Namjoon balled his fists muttering under his breath. “Don’t even ask. The DJ is being such a pain in the ass. For some god knows what reason, he seems to play everything but the tracks we asked him to. You have no idea how badly I want to punch him in the face. I don’t even know why you hired that cocky arrogant little basta-

“Because no one but that idiot Jungkook knows how to mix tapes Joonie. I’m just waiting for Kookie to get his stupid ass here. I can’t wait to kick out this little piece of….” Jin narrowed his eyes at the figure standing behind the equipment earning a slap from Namjoon on his shoulder “Set your expression right Jin, there are cameras are flashing around you.”

Jin adjusted the collar of his black Valentino suit and forced a smile onto his face while whispering to Namjoon and posing for the photographers simultaneously, “ And yeah Mia was asking if all 144…“ Namjoon made a quick but noticable eye contact with Jin who cleared his throat uncomfortably.”….143 of them have arrived and checked in the hotel or not. Who’s yet to come?”

“Well almost everyone reached by yesterday. Yoongi was supposed to be here by now but since he postponed his flight, I don’t know when he will turn up now. Jungkook will be here max by tomorrow afternoon. Those three girls, ah I forgot their names, the three of them who got caught sleeping drunk in the classroom remember?” Jin nearly choked trying to suppress his laughter. That was a funny incident. “yeah they are reaching tomorrow as well and who else…” The two of them stared at the floor trying to recollect when Namjoon beat Jin to it. ” Ah Y/N is flying in today as well. In fact.” Namjoon looked at his Rolex. “She must be landing in about half an hour.”

“Really? That’s good. Mia will be happy. Did you send someone to pick her up?”

Namjoon sighed shaking his head. “No one is free now to go now Jin. Everyone has been assigned work-”

“Hoseok. Send Hobi, I’m pretty sure he is free?” Jin’s eyes scanned the crowd. “Where is he anyways?”

Namjoon let out a short laugh. “The day someone manages to finally figure out the answer to that question, I will actually write my entire fortune off the great person.”

“ If that’s the case then I’ll bet my entire fortune that my brother is probably snogging a woman in her mid twenties, somewhere near the green rooms.” The boys turned at the sweet voice and Namjoon felt his girlfriend reach up to him and place a soft peck on his cheek. “Hi baby. You look tired..”

Jin laughed at the choice of words. “Snogging?”

The beautiful woman who was standing in front of Namjoon, with her back against him and his arms around her waist, frowned at Jin, “Would you rather I call it, ‘trying to shove his tongue down someone else’s throat’?”

“Who is shoving what and where Emma?” Mia who had just completed her shoot and joined the conversation looked confused at her three friends who were snickering into their hands.

“Never mind that. The important thing is that your best friend isn’t seen anywhere. And we need him to go pick up Y/N.” Namjoon explained.

“ Y/n? Y/N’s here? Oh finally. Remind me to smack her a couple of times when she gets here. She was supposed to arrive 3 days ago.” Mia crossed her arms angrily but Namjoon knew that the moment Y/N got here, she would be the first one to latch onto her with a huge hug. He was waiting to see y/n too, obviously because over the last 3 years she had indeed become a very good friend of his but also to give her a earful for changing her arrival date so many times, resulting in his multiple journeys to and from the hotel reception.

“Let’s find Hobi. I don’t think it’s safe to make her come alone in an unknown city.” Emma looked back at Namjoon but Mia shook her head. “Don’t worry. Sydney is like Y/N’s second home. She knows the place better than any of us. I’m just worried she will struggle with all that luggage and taxi and all.”

She turned to Namjoon, handing her phone. “Joonie leave a message for Hobi through my phone, I know he won’t reply to anyone else. Let’s make that idiot do some work today. All of us here are roaming around without sleep and that useless fellow is busy sleeping around. I’m going to kill him today if he doesn’t go to the airport.”

Great. Another responsibility. But Namjoon simply nodded taking her iPhone and began typing out a message as Mia and Jin excused themselves to go change for their next photo taking session. Namjoon heaved a sigh of relief when the two blue ticks immediately appearing near the message.

Emma noticed it too. “Good. Drop y/n a message that Hoseok is coming to pick her up and send her his number as well so she can contact him after she lands.” Namjoon obliged and stuffed the phone in his pocket, smiling tiredly at his girlfriend who turned towards him. “I’m so exhausted with all this work. I can’t wait for this wedding-slash-reunion business to be over.”

“Aw.” Emma poked the faint dimples forming on his cheeks and wrapped her arms around his neck, tip toeing to whisper into his ear. “Just reminding you that we have about an hours time to relax till Mia and Jin get changed.”

Namjoon looked around at the people oblivious to their presence and smirked at her, tightening this grip on her waist. “Then what are we waiting for?.” and the two of them, hand in hand, rushed towards their hotel room, giggling impishly.

“Welcome to Sydney, we wish you a pleasant stay..”

You smiled at your air hostess, finally switching on your phone as you walked away from your first class compartment, your pumps clicking the tiled floor of the passageway. The 17 hour flight had been a good time to do work but now you were regretting it, wishing you had slept. You knew you wouldn’t be getting sleep for the next three weeks till the wedding was over, not because  the crazy celebration wouldn’t give you the time for it but because you were in Sydney. The city you had been trying to avoid the past 6 years.

And now you were here again, as though fate was determined to do everything you didn’t want. You didn’t know when you had agreed to come for the wedding that it would be in Sydney of all the places. When Mia said she wanted a beach wedding, you had been expecting her to book a private island in the Caribbeans or Maldives or something. Mia’s exasperated voice rang in your head. ‘Who goes to that side of the world in December Y/n, are you mad? Do you want me to freeze in my wedding?’

You smiled fondly at the memory. You couldn’t wait to see her after nearly a year. The last time you saw her was before you shifted to the States to resume your new job. So many things happened in the 12 months you were not there -  Proposals, planning for the wedding, deciding to make it a reunion as well, inviting everyone, everything was done. It sort of made you guilty, that you weren’t there to lend a helping hand to your best friend so you made up your mind to make her as happy as possible the next three weeks.

The echo of your ringtone in quiet space caught your attention and you quickly fished out your phone.

Hoseok will pick you up from the airport, I’m sending his number. Message him when all that immigration stuff finishes okay?

Hoseok?

You frown at the name trying to remember who he was. You did not personally know all the guests who were going to attend Mia and Jin’s wedding but you recognized most of them. Obviously because almost everyone at the party were your high school batch mates. That was the reason why you agreed to arrive three whole weeks before the wedding to Sydney in the first place. Because it was actually three birds, one stone for you.

Your cousin Mia was coincidentally to be wedded to your high school classmate Jin. Since his wedding was the first in their high school batch, Jin decided to invite all his classmates, friends or not, turning his marriage into a reunion as well. The nervousness that you had about seeing everyone increased now because only now did you realize that you had forgotten most of them. You clearly didn’t remember any Hoseok .

As a first class passenger your immigration procedures and baggage collection happened much sooner than expected. Carrying 2 large suitcases with you, you made your way out to the pick up stand to go find this Hoseok guy.

The moment you stepped out after hours of sitting in the confined space of the plane, you took a deep breath, letting fresh air into your lungs. It didn’t calm you though. Instead you felt more worried about how you will be spending the next few weeks here. Even the mere air of the city was suffocating you.

Swiping through your phone you dropped a message to Hoseok unable to guess which of the hundred people swarming around you he was. You tapped your feet waiting for a reply, taking your chances to look at your surroundings. The city didn’t look like it changed much. The same high rise buildings were before you, the same yellow cabs lined up at the side. The crowd around you, though, was far bigger than you remembered it. It seemed as though Sydney was becoming a more and more favorite place for everyone but you.

15 minutes and 50 times after checking your phone it was obvious from Hoseok’s lack of reply that he didn’t read your message. You could feel the jet lag hurting your head, poking needles at the back of your head and unable to wait anymore you dialed his number, the ring echoing in your ear.

“Hello.” You raised your eyebrows at the voice. That was a familiar one. You remembered that voice, you definitely knew this person but somehow you couldn’t recollect Hoseok’s face.

“Hello is this Ho-”

And you froze at the sounds on the other side.

Moans.

You were an adult with enough experience to tell that this was definitely the sounds of a woman moaning. Raspy, struggling moans. It was as though they were words that kept trying to leave her but every time they reached her throat they dissolved into groans and gasps. And it was getting louder and louder, more and more shameless, more and more desperate. Her noises were the only sounds filling the air around your ears. You have never guessed that there was a man there if he didn’t answer the phone earlier.

You couldn’t say a thing. You tried to, but this Hoseok guy, whatever he was busy with at the moment, was clearly leaving you speechless. You were too taken aback, stunned by the unexpected nature of the situation.

“Oh fuck yes! Right there!”

Holding the phone a couple of inches away from your ear, your jaw wordlessly dropped open at how loud she was. You couldn’t do anything but blink and look around mortified. The old couple standing on your right, who were definitely hard of hearing, looked at you equally horrified.

“Harder! Oh my- Don’t stop!”

Unable to take it anymore, you quickly brought the phone down and tried to cut the call. But for some weird reason your hand was sweaty and your fingers were shaking and you kept missing the red button, unable to hit it properly. On the other side, Hoseok seemed to hit all the spots right because even with your phone at an arm’s distance from you, you could hear the noises leak out of it. And suddenly they became muffled like they were covered by a hand and she was overpowered by the voice you first heard.

“Oh fuck, sorry, who is thi-”

You finally managed to cut the call and stuffed the phone into your pant pocket, taking deep breaths with you hand fisting your shirt material by your chest. You didn’t even realize you were out of breath till now or that your heart was beating much faster than it’s supposed or that you were suddenly feeling incredibly hot even with cool air floating around you. You quickly pulled your luggage over to the taxi stand, hailing for a cab and sat inside it, forcing your body to return to normal.

As the cab zoomed into the city you couldn’t help but replay what you heard in your head. No, not her sounds but his voice. Hoseok’s voice. The familiarness in his voice was forcing you to rake through your memories. Who the hell is this guy?

After half an hour, the taxi dropped you before Park Hyatt, your boarding for the next three weeks of craziness, and you stood towered by one of Sydney’s most luxurious hotels. Kate said there was a photo shoot with all the guests at the poolside today and she had repeatedly warned you to be there on time. “I’m telling you Y/F/N, I’m already mad that Jungkook isn’t going to be there for the photo shoot, if you don’t turn up as well, I swear to God I won’t let Mia get married. You absolutely cannot miss this.”

Feeling glad that you had actually managed to reach on time you made your way into the hotel, quickly spotting the directory in the lobby giving you your directions to the private pool deck on the 15th floor. Hauling all your luggage into the lift, you set off to see the people you last saw 6 years ago.

You were excited no doubt but you were worried as well. You weren’t the same Y/n they saw in high school. You had grown out of that timid shell you had built around yourself. You were more outgoing now, more open, less afraid and less nervous. It was easier for you to make conversations these days, your dressing sense had finally adopted your parents rich heritage, your personality had changed to a very large extent. Because you had learnt a lot of lessons the past few years. Some that were taught by life and some by death.

When the lift gave a soft ding and opened, you found yourself facing a pair of sliding glass doors, the only thing separating you from the party. People were spaced everywhere, men and women all of the same age as you, dressed in extravagant evening wear, making conversations, reliving memories. Waiters were bringing food and drinks around but you noticed none of it seemed like alcohol. You silently praised Jin in your head for being so level headed and keeping drinks out of today’s event so everyone could look decent in the pictures. You knew otherwise that for the presumably elite group of the society that you all belonged to, booze was as common as water. You wouldn’t even have been shocked if the filled the pool with alcohol instead.

Everyone of them here had the money to afford that. One could look at all the Gucci and Prada being worn so casually and tell that much. After all, some of Seoul’s biggest businessmen’s children were here, children who were training to take over the large empires written to them since their birth. Children who could spend not only spend their fortune but time also lavishly. Mia and Kate kept complaining that everyone but you had arrived over a week ago, but you couldn’t help it. Getting a leave from your job was so tough and thank god for Christmas holidays and the ability to do teleworking, you were finally able to manage three weeks for your much required get away.

You searched around for Namjoon or Jimin because you knew they were the only ones actively taking part in the arrangements from all that Kate had filled you with over the past one week. A soft tap on your shoulder caused you to turn and you found yourself facing Mia’s personal butler Charlie, who you became quite familiar with over the years.

“Ah Ms.Y/n. welcome, welcome. Mia will be glad to see you here.”

“Hi there Charlie! How are you?” you smiled widely at the middle aged man dressed in his regular black and white suit who simply showed you a thumbs up. “ I’m looking for Namjoon or Jimin. Do you know where they are?”

“They should be by the photo booths. Would you like me to lead you to them?”

“Oh no I don’t want to step into the party before I change into something more appropriate.” you looked down at your black formal pant and green halter top which you had worn to the meeting right before you left to catch the flight. “I don’t know where my room is though so I’m looking for them.”

“Ah no worries. I can assist you with that. I shall get your luggage shifted there and get you the keys in a minute yeah? ” He bowed to you out of habit and left, leaving you standing before the glass doors, silently watching the guests. It surprised you that these were the same people who used to sit in a classroom with you a few years ago, dressed in uniforms with attitude sitting on their nose. Everyone looked so much more mature and settled now.

Tearing your eyes from the crowd you suddenly rested your vision on the your reflection on the glass before you where you could see a certain somebody standing right behind you, not taking a step forward at all. You squinted at the translucent image of the figure and then either someone fast forwarded time or the universe had a sudden glitch because in a handful of seconds you could not comprehend what happened and suddenly you were not where you were standing earlier.

Somehow your face was hardly inches away from a stranger’s, one of his arms wrapped around your waist and the other hand cupping your cheek. Your whole body was pressed against his, and even though your skin was barely touching his, tingles ran down your body through your inside as he leaned in aiming for your lips. Your heart stopped, your breath hitched, you could feel every cell of your body break out into a frenzy but with the little bit of reaction time that you managed to function in, you covered your mouth with the your hand just in time, feeling his lips brush against your knuckles.

And as the two of you stood like that, your figures were so closely entwined, you could only see his eyes. Orbs that were the color of deep sienna, with a mischievous glint drowning every shade of brown you could imagine. They matched the color of his hair, messy strands sporting perfection in coffee hues, the dark roasted bean color, only just hiding his forehead, the skin that was all latte.

As he detached himself from you hand and moved back, your eyes fell on the two soft reddening lips that were shaped oh so beautifully, a little far from his chiseled jawline. And for some reason he took your breath away, not allowing you to say a word about the inappropriateness of the situation or of your posture. All you could do was wonder how one arm was holding you so strongly while the other was resting on your cheek ever so gently.

It was only when the lift gave a soft ding behind you that you realized that a complete stranger was at such a close proximity to you. You struggled out of his grip hissing under your breath. “What the fuck do you think you are doing-”

His hand caressed your face softly tracing your jawline till it reached your chin and he lifted it up, forcing your eyes to fall on the sign meant for Mia and Jin’s wedding above your head.

Kiss this bachelorette goodbye.

You opened your mouth stupidly in surprise and he detached himself from you suddenly removing all that close contact you were sharing and began walking away, smirking with the same mouth that was seconds away from feeling yours. And all you could do was stand there simply gaping as the man clad in a white shirt disappeared into the crowd, wondering what the hell happened the last one minute.

“There you are Hoseok! I’ve been looking for you the whole day. Where have you been?” hissed Mia not so softly growing madder and madder at her best friend. Hoseok shrugged casually muttering ‘just around here somewhere.’ and turned to Jin. He had more important things to do.

“Jin, who’s that? The one talking to Charlie?”

He pointed towards the lift where the pretty young girl he just happened to have a brief interaction with, stood. She was dressed in a not very loose clothing that was perfectly hugging all her curves, the colors emphasizing on her beautiful skin. She was being led into the lift by Charlie and Hoseok instantly felt something inside him that seemed a lot like disappointment. He had been hoping she would come and join them. There was something about her interesting him. She was beautiful no doubt, extremely sexy too as far as Hoseok had seen. and felt.

She felt incredibly good in his arms, the curve of her waist perfectly fitting against him, the softness of her hand was still tingling on his lips and her eyes were still dancing in front of him. The way they looked at him wide open, lying somewhere between shock and surprised, the lovely color tempting him to actually kiss her. Of course Hoseok wasn’t really going to kiss her without her permission, he was a fuckboy not a psychopath, he was merely trying to fluster her.

It wasn’t like Hoseok hadn’t seen girls better than her, of course he had his own fair share of women, women who could bring men begging down on their knees. But in an encounter than hardly lasted for a minute, he could already feel there was something about her. Maybe because the way she looked at him wasn’t full of fascination like most girls looked at him, or maybe because the first thing she did was block his kiss, something he never experienced before. Whatever it was she was tempting him in ways girls generally don’t attract him, causing a strange desire to creep up inside him. The desire to unravel, explore and discover her in ways nobody had before.

“Oh my god y/n’s here!” Kate and Mia squealed waving at the glass but their friend walked away, disappearing into the doors of the elevator.

“Charlie is probably showing her her room.” Namjoon looked at the disappointed women. “Come on ladies, give her time to at least freshen up she traveled for nearly 18 hours if I’m not wrong.”

Jimin scrunched his nose deep in thought. “Really? Is that how long Oakland is from here?”

“But who is she will someone tell me that?” Hoseok looked at his friends around him, all of whom seemed to somehow know her.

“How do you not know the name of the one you picked up Hobi?” Emma shook her head disapprovingly.

“Picked up? When did I pick her-” Hoseok stopped,his mouth hanging open, only just remembering Mia’s message. Too bad he was too busy with…… He slowly turned towards his best friend who was glaring at him, ready to smack him on the head.

“You didn’t go? You mean she came here on her own? How could Hoseok!” she slapped his arm, gritting her teeth. “You, young man. are in so much trouble.”

Hoseok would normally laugh at her because Mia was so cute when she got mad but he was far too occupied with his thoughts. He had only just realized that this y/n person was the same one who called him a while back and she seemed to have heard certain very inappropriate things.

While everyone around him laughed at Mia for her adorable anger, Hoseok could only mentally chide himself for messing up not one but two introductions.

You pushed the doors of your suite room and were greeted by elegance.

The interiors reflected a natural feel with rich layers of chocolate, cream and beige hues. The luxurious furnishings & fittings, naturally-textured fabrics, subtle plush carpets were all highlighted by the designer lighting shining throughout. It was all very pretty and fancy yes but this sort of setting was ordinary for someone like you who was used to this sort of lifestyle. Maybe that was why what caught your eye was the beautiful painting of the cliffs and the sea, sitting above your bed, it’s simplicity standing out in the otherwise luxurious room.

The floor was clad in marble and handcrafted tiles leading to the king-sized  bed. There was a desk next to it which you personally requested for so you could do your office work, and a small dismantle-able kitchen counter as well because you weren’t someone who could survive on outside food for more than a few days. You dropped your bag in front of the thirty-six-inch TV, on the sprawling leather sofa, looking intently at you own private terrace. Walking to the balcony you looked down to see Mia’s photo shoot party going on right down there about 5 floors below you.

It wasn’t so clearly visible from the lift where you were standing but now you could see the bright blue pool shaped like a lazy L with the DJ station on one side and the photo booth with at least half a dozen professional photographers flashing away on the other. You narrowed your vision and smiled when you saw Mia holding her long pink dress running around chasing someone but it faltered when you realized it was the same manner-less man who had tried to kiss you earlier. You watched as Namjoon, Jimin, Jin and Emma laughed, literally throwing their bodies around at this man’s silly antics. He seemed so different now, genuinely laughing and finally walking up to Mia allowing her catch him, but she simply pulled his ear smiling. They seemed to share a very close relation, vaguely reminding you of the time Mia talking about her childhood best friend who was the heir of one of the worlds biggest companies, the Jung and sons. Was this the same guy?

You leaned resting your elbows on the railing, with a hand under your cheek, intently observing them. After he walked away from you like back there, you were prepared to treat him the next few days with absolute ignorance. You were sure he was an absolutely cocky asshole proud of his rich heritage obviously assuming he could get any girl he wanted. You were determined to prove him wrong. But it surprised you to see him dressed in such a simple white shirt, sleeves folded till his elbows, his back tie not even in place, as though he wasn’t bothered about keeping up the image of an elite. Everyone else around him was decked in brands, Valentino, Armani, Ralph and Russo and designers even more expensive, making his simplicity the most obvious thing there. You couldn’t help but draw him parallel to the simple bright colored painting in your otherwise opulent room.

As he broke out from the crowd and excused himself, you jolted to your senses realizing the urgency of time and scrambled around your room. You had come so prepared for a long bath but you settled for a quick shower and hurriedly blow dried your hair. Rummaging through your humongous luggage meant for three weeks of parties you finally settled for a Navy blue Elie Saab gown. It was a pretty dress, one that you were particularly fond of because you bought it off your first salary. Slipping into the dress you felt its decorated lace sleeves extended a little longer than your elbows, it’s soft frills falling a little further than your ankles and you reached for the zip at the back trying to pull it up unsuccessfully, when you heard a knock on the door.  

You walked up to it, peering into the eye hole, still struggling with your dress and suddenly panicked. It was black, as though someone placed a finger on it. You gulped, taking a few steps back. After that Hoseok and his stupid phone call in the morning and then that man who tried to kiss you, you were certain things were not normal around here and you didn’t want to take any risks.

When the knocking persisted, shaking, you looked around, grabbing a nearby vase in your hand and slowly walked towards the door. Taking a deep breath you quickly opened it raising the metal about your head to strike your intruder when she screamed.

“Kate?” you looked at the woman dressed in a beautiful studded green dress, her hair falling to her waist, curling at the ends, surprised.

“Y/N!” she squealed in delight wrapping you in her embrace as you dropped the vase holding on to her as well, in relief.

“Oh my god Kate you scared me why would you do that?”

Your best friend broke from your hug and looked at you pouting. “You never scold Jungkook when he does stuff like this hmph.”

“Okay okay I’m sorry. It’s just that, ever since I landed here today, way too many weird things have been happening so I freaked out a little. Nothing else.”

You pulled Kate into a hug again who giggled against you. It had been so long since you had seen her, you really did miss her.

“And unlike Jungkook, you madam are always there when I need you. Please help me zip this up.” you turned around and Kate clicked her tongue.

“Well well look who is going braless today. Want to make easier for your lucky guy tonight?” she chuckled, pulling the zip up.

“Shut up. I don’t have time to find my strapless one, I cant wear anything but that for this dress so I ditched it.”

“Yeah yeah make up all the stories you want” she teased, sitting down on your bed watching you pull your hair in front of the mirror into a loose updo.

“How have you been Y/n? You didn’t reply to any of my messages the last few days.”

“Hella busy. I just got promoted and I got a new contract two days before leaving. there were so many formalities, I nearly forgot to sleep for 3 days.”

“Aw poor you, I don’t get why you have to work so hard when you can live off your parents fortune.”

You met her eyes in the mirror looking at her not amused. She looked away knowing this was a sensitive topic for you and changed it.

“You didn’t meet everyone yet, did you? Let me update you. Namjoon and Emma are finally going out.”

“Finally.” you sigh remembering the years of denial and confession drama that took place.

“Jimin as usual is still hot and single if you want to try your luck.”

“No thank you, I have no interests in relationships right now you know that.”

“I wasn’t talking about a relationship.” she smirked wriggling her eye brows. “But if you ask me, I prefer a more…. interesting character. Yoongi should be arriving in a few days time. I’d rather wait for him.”

You rolled your eyes at your best friends desperate attempts to get laid and resumed with your makeup.

“But the most important thing, did you see Hobi?” she raised her eyebrows at you, catching your eye in the mirror.

“Hobi?” you frowned, slowly remembering him. “Ah, that flirt everyone used to fantasize over?”

“You speak like you weren’t one of them.” she threw the pillow at your back nearly causing you to poke yourself in the eye with your mascara wand.

“You speak like I was the only one. So were you!” you threw it back to her which she dodged skillfully.

“Okay all that fantasizing over him back in those days was just childishness, but have you seen him now?”

You shook your head slowly, curiosity raising with the dreamy expression on her face.

“I’m not sure, I can’t really recognize most of the people down there. But why~?”

“Cause it looks like Aphrodite took all the time in the world to make something as gorgeous as him. I don’t know how we thought he looked like the best thing on earth back in high school because now he looks.” she sighed dreamily and ran her fingers across her mouth as though pulling a zip in the air. “I’m gonna keep my mouth shut and let you find out for yourself.”

You turned around annoyed, nearly dropping the earrings in your hand. “You can’t make me curious and then just not say a word.”

Kate quickly got up and walked to the balcony, leaning against the railing and called you excitedly.

“Look look there he is.”

You walked to her following her vision and your eyes fell upon the back of a man dressed in a dark brown suit. He was speaking to a whole group of ladies who had gathered around him and you could see from all the way here how they were furiously blushing and squirming around him. Oh well, once a flirt always a flirt.

“I can’t see him properly Kate.”

“Oh let’s go down and I’ll show you.” She held your hand excitedly “You are anyway super late already.”

You quickly took once last look at the mirror as she dragged you out of your room.

The sun was just starting to set as Emma stood by the pool, smoothing her the creases of her wine red Dior dress. Namjoon had left her alone once again to talk to the Dj about something and Kate had gone to meet Y/n and help her get ready.

Emma was just waiting for this photo taking session to get over. She had been walking around in these darn heels for way too long now and could not wait to kick them off in the most unladylike manner. She was so preoccupied by dreaming about the nice bathtub in her room that she didn’t realize that someone had joined her discreetly.

“Missing Joonie huh?”

Emma jolted on the suddenness and quickly relaxed looking at her brother smiling teasingly, putting on the blazer he had been roaming around without all this while. She moved forward to set his neck-wear properly out of habit and adjusted the black tie. “What do you want Hoseok?”

“Company.” he pouted. “ Is that too much to ask?”

“I’m waiting for someone so maybe next time.”

“Now now, who exactly are you cheating on Namjoon with? As a brother I can sympathize with you, he is too busy a man but as a best friend I must ask you to stop immedia- Ow!”

Hoseok hissed with pain when his younger sibling smacked him with her metal clutch. “I’m waiting for Kate and y/n you idiot.”

“y/n?”

Emma keenly looked at her brother, observing the changes in his expression.

“Oh no no no. Don’t tell me you are even considering her. Don’t even think about her Hoseok, She is not someone you should target.”

Hoseok looked mildly curious “and why so?”

“Because one, her best friend happens to be muscle pig, Jeon Jungkook. Two, you may be Mia’s best friend but she is her cousin, and three apparently everyone but you in your famous Bangtan squad seems to know her pretty well and are super protective of her. Hurt her, and they will actually not hesitate to kill you.”

Emma mentally chided herself for taking the name of the Bangtan squad immediately noticing the way Hosoek tensed, but he quickly returned to his usual self. “And what makes you think I would hurt her?” He crossed his arms disapproving.

Emma could only smile sadly in response at her brother’s ironical question. Hoseok seemed to always know the effect he had on women when they were in front of him. He knew he could make them blush, squirm, feel flustered. But he never knew how they looked at him when he left them. Emma knew. She knew that women always saw Hoseok as their biggest mistake yet their favorite mistake, a mistake they would never regret. Because no matter how many women he slept with and how many hearts he had broken, truth was that Jung Hoseok was a really good guy at heart. And when women saw that, they fell in love with him. It was the fact that he never fell for any of them which hurt.

“ Besides what’s so special about her that my boys would choose me over her huh.” Hoseok was staring intently at the glass doors by the lift as though waiting for someone to walk through them. 

“I don’t know. I never got to know her much. She left for the States hardly few months after I got introduced to her. But Namjoon Skypes her sometimes, and he is quite fond of her as well.”

“Is someone jealous?” Hoseok wiggled his eyebrows and Emma snapped at him. “If you are here to annoy me, fuck off Hoseok.”

“Okay sorry sorry!” He laughed apologetically. “ I get what you are saying though, I will be careful around her alrig- Wow.”

Hoseok said softly with his eyes fixed on the figure who had just walked out of the glass door. Emma looked surprised at her brother. Hoseok was never vocal when it came to women. She, unfortunately, had the opportunity to listen to the many woman in her brother’s room over the past few years but she had, thank god, never heard him. She always thought he was simply keeping quiet because he knew she was in the house but over the years she learnt that Hoseok was just not someone who spoke about women. He never complimented or commented on them behind their back and only ever praised them when he needed to get laid. It was a fact, he was just not vocal. So obviously it surprised her that he had so spontaneously commented on Y/n who was walking towards them along with Kate, discussing something in hushed tones.

As the two girls neared them Emma’s eyes flickered between her brother and his latest subject of interest and by the way they were looking at each other, she knew that in the short while Y/n had been here, something had already happened between them.

You didn’t know whether to feel shocked or surprised or mad when you saw the brown suited man next to Emma who Kate had earlier identified as Hobi, looking at you. All you felt instead was shame at not being able to recognize the one person in high school on who you had a low-key crush. And Kate was right. He had been really good looking back then but now he was just…hot. Totally, unbelievably hot.

You greeted Emma drawing your attention away from him but continually feeling his eyes burning into you. Out of formality you turned to greet him when he suddenly took your hand in his and placed a soft kiss on your knuckles.

 “I’m Jung Hoseok. Nice to meet you~?…”

“Y/n.” you replied.

“Nice to meet you Y/n.” He smiled smugly, his voice and name reminding you of the phone call today morning. Oh fuck, of course. Of course, his name wasn’t Hobi just because the whole school called him that. Jung Hoseok, that was his name. Hobi was merely a nickname that the famous Bangtan squad had coined for him. You vaguely remembered your teachers taking his whole name while scolding him.

So this was Jung Hoseok, the man who was once and as far as you had seen, still is a big flirt, the man who was supposed to pick you up from the airport today, the man who nearly kissed you without your permission, the man who was Mia’s best friend. Jung Hoseok. Interesting. 

“What are you doing Hoseok?” Emma laughed at the act and Hoseok frowned at her.

“This is how gentlemen greet such fine women. I’m sure this is not the first time this has happened to you Y/n?” He cocked his head questioningly, the same mischievous glint dancing in his eyes, reminding you of your encounter with him by the lift. You narrowed your eyes at him. Well well. If he was playing let’s-fluster-each-other, he should know that two could play the game. You smiled at him pleasantly.

“How nice of you Hoseok. You seem to be exactly like what I heard about you.” You subtly waved your phone at him, reminding him of the call today morning.

It seemed like Hoseok flushed for a second but he quickly regained his composure and smirked.

“All good things I presume? I’m sure whatever you heard was pretty impressive.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure unfortunately.” You raised an eyebrow challenging him.

“What a pity. I guess you need some time with me to realize my” He raised his eyebrow playfully, matching yours. “…. abilities. “

“And how exactly are you planning to introduce me to those?” You crossed your arms smugly.

“ Oh I could introduce to you a lot of interesting things Ms.Y/n, but haven’t you heard, the best way to judge a man is through his taste and I’m sure you will learn in the future that I have a fine taste.”

You bit your lip suppressing the smile as he looked down, his fingers playing with the buckle of his belt in the most casual way possible. Emma and Kate clearly were not understanding the conversation, butted in.

“You have great taste too Y/n. This color is really pretty, brings a nice spark in your eyes.” Emma smiled at your dress.

“I wish it could hide my eye bags instead. I knew I should’ve slept in the flight.”

“That’s okay, Mia is planning to wrap this up before sunset. She wants the pictures only in natural lighting apparently. You can get some sleep early today.”

“I wish, but my jet lag really isn’t going to let me.” you sighed at her. “Looks like I have a dull night waiting for me.” 

“ Ah.” Hoseok who you nearly forgot about, licked his lips. “If you do get bored just know you can find me around here. I’m quite well known for entertaining people.”

“How exactly do you plan to entertain her Hoseok?” Emma narrowed her eyes at him not so pleasantly.

“We were just taking about my taste remember? I could make her watch my favorite show so she can learn about me” He shot you a smug look, hands still playing with his belt. “But let me warn you beforehand so you can prepare yourself. It has an impressive run time of 3 hours and a climax I’m sure you’ll love.”

Your eyes widen at the blatant innuendos he was making, not even bothering about the company of the other two ladies. He seemed so satisfied with your discomfort. But you weren’t going to let him win this.

“No thanks. I’m sure I’ll get bored enough to leave halfway through and now after all the efforts you have made, it won’t be nice to leave you…” you flickered your eyes towards his hands that had not moved from their place and back to his face meeting his eyes again. “…hanging?”

The expression in Hoseok’s face darkened making the inner you, squeal in triumph. You took a step back turning your attention towards the ladies. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I should go see Mia.”

Kate straightened out, “I’m coming too, come along Emma.”

And the three of you walked off but not before you gave Hoseok a glance over your shoulder to see him stare at you with an unreadable look on his face. Something told you this was definitely not the last time you would have such a conversation with him and more importantly that Jung Hoseok seemed to have finally met his match.

[vampireadamooc]

Lecture II: Suggestions And Perversions Of The Rite

2.2 - Vivifying Power Of Blood

The belief seems to have been universal, not only that the blood is the life of the organism in which it originally flows, but that in its transfer from one organism to another the blood retains its life, and so carries with it a vivifying power. There are traces of this belief in the earliest legends of the Old World, and of the New; in classic story; and in medical practices as well, all the world over, from time immemorial until the present day.

For example, in an inscription from the Egyptian monuments, the original of which dates back to the early days of Moses, there is a reference to a then ancient legend of the rebellion of mankind against the gods; of an edict of destruction against the human race; and of a divine interposition for the rescue of the doomed peoples. 1

The inscription was first found, in 1875, the tomb of Setee I., the father of Rameses II., the Pharaoh of the oppression. A translation of it appeared in the Transactions of the Soctiety of Biblical Archaeology, Vol. 4, Part I. Again it has been found in the tomb of Rameses III. Its earliest and its latest translations were made by M. Edouard Naville, the eminent Swiss Egyptologist. Meantime, Biugsch, De Bergmann, Lauth, Lefebure, and others, have aided in its elucidation (See Proceed, of Soc. of Bib Arch., for March 3, 1885). Is there not a reference to this legend in the Book of the Dead, chapter xviii., sixth section?

In that legend, a prominent part is given to human blood, mingled with the juice of mandrakes 1 instead of wine prepared as a drink of the gods, and afterwards poured out again to overflow and to revivify all the earth. And the ancient text which records this legend, affirms that it was in conjunction with these events that there was the beginning of sacrifices in the world.

An early American legend has points of remarkable correspondence with this one from ancient Egypt. It relates, as does that, to a pre-historic destruction of the race, and to its re-creation, or its re-vivifying, by means of transferred blood. Every Mexican province told this story in its own way, says a historian; but the main features of it are alike in all its versions.

Mandrakes, 01 "love-apples," among the ancient Egyptians, as also among the Orientals generally, from the days of Jacob (Gen. 30: 14-17) until to-day, carried the idea of promoting a loving union; and the Egyptian name for mandiakes - tetmut - combined the root-word tet already referenced to as meaning "arm," or "bracelet," and mut - with the signification of "attesting," or "confirming." Thus the blood and the mandrake juice would be a true assiratum. (See Pierret's Vocabulaire Hieroglyphique, p. 723) "Belief in this plant [the mandrake] is as old as history." (Napier's Folk-Lore', p. 90.) See, also, Lang's Custom and Myth, pp. 143-155.

When there were no more men remaining on the earth, some of the gods desired the re-creation of mankind; and they asked help from the supreme deities accordingly. They were then told, that if they were to obtain the bones or the ashes of the former race, they could revivify those remains by their own blood. Thereupon Xolotl, one of the gods, descended to the place of the dead, and obtained a bone (whether a rib, or not, does not appear). Upon that vestige of humanity the gods dropped blood drawn from their own bodies; and the result was a new vivifying of mankind. l

An ancient Chaldean legend, as recorded by Berosus, ascribes a new creation of mankind to the mixture, by the gods, of the dust of the earth with the blood that flowed from the severed head of the god Belus. "On this account it is that men are rational, and partake of

divine knowledge," says Berosus. 2 The blood of the god gives them the life and the nature of a god Yet, again, the early Phoenician, and the early Greek, theologies, as recorded by Sanctification 3 and by Hesiod, 4 ascribe the vivifying of mankind to the out poured blood of the gods. It was from the blood of Ouranos, or of Saturn, dripping into the sea and mingling with its foam, that Venus was formed, to become the mother of her heroic posterity.

Mendieta's Hist. Eccl Ind., 77 ff.; cited in Spencer's Des. Soc., II, 38; also Brinton's Myths of the New World, p. 258.

See Cory's Anc. Frag., 9 p. 59 f.

Ibid., p. 15.

Comp. Fabri's Evagatorium III,, 218

"The Orphics, which have borrowed so largely from the East," says Lenormant, 1 "said that the immaterial part of man, his soul [his life], sprang from the blood of Dionysus Zagreus, whom . . . Titans had torn to pieces, partly devouring his members."

Homer explicitly recognizes this universal belief in the power of blood to convey life, and to be a means of revivifying the dead. When Circe sent Odysseus "To consult The Theban seer, Tiresias, in the abode of Pluto and the dreaded Proserpine," she directed him, in preparation, to "Pour to all the dead Libations, milk and honey first, and next Rich wine, and lastly water;" and after that to slay the sacrificial sheep. But Circe's caution was: "Draw then the sword upon thy thigh, and sit, And suffer none of all those airy forms, To touch the blood, until thou first bespeak Tiresias. He will come, and speedily, The leader of the people, and will tell what voyage thou must make."

Beginnings of History, p. 52, note.

Odysseus did as he was directed. The bloodless shades flocked about him, as he sat there guarding the life-renewing blood; but even those dearest to him he forbade to touch that consecrated draught.

"And then the soul of Anticlcra came, My own dead mother, daughter of the king Autolycus, large minded. Her I left Alive, what time I sailed for Troy, and now I wept to see her there, and pitied her, And yet forbade her, though with grief, to come Near to the blood till I should first accost Tuesias, he too came, the Theban seer, Tuesias, bearing in his hand a wand Of gold; he knew me and bespake me thus: - 'Why, O unhappy mortal, hast thou left The light of day to come among the dead, And to this joyless land? Go from the trench And turn thy sword away, that I may drink The blood, and speak the word of prophecy.' He spake, withdrawing from the trench, I thrust Into its sheath my silver studded sword, And, after drinking of the dark red blood, The blameless prophet tinned to me and said -" 1

Then came the prophecy from the blood-revivified seer. The wide-spread popular superstition of the vampire and of the ghoul seems to be an outgrowth of this universal belief that transfused blood is re-vivification.

Bryant's Odyssey, Bks. x., and xi.

The bloodless shades, leaving their graves at night, seek renewed life by drawing out the blood of those who sleep; taking of the life of the living, to supply temporary life to the dead. This idea was prevalent in ancient Babylon and Assyria. 1 It has shown itself in the Old World and in the New, 2 in all the ages; and even within a little more than a century, it has caused an epidemic of fear in Hungary, "resulting in a general disinterment, and the burning or staking of the suspected bodies." 3

An added force is given to all these illustrations of the universal belief that transferred blood has a vivifying power, by the conclusions of modern medical science concerning the possible benefits of bloodtransfusion. 4 On this point, one of the foremost living authorities in this department of practice, Dr. Roussel, of Geneva, says: "The great vitality of the blood of a vigorous and healthy man has the power of improving the quality of the patient's blood, and can restore activity to the centres of nervous force, and the organs of digestion.

See Sayce's Anc. Emp. of East, p 146.

Among the ancient Peruvians, there was said to be a class of devil-worshipers, known as canchus, or rumapmicue, the members of which sucked the blood from sleeping youth, to their own nourishing and to the speedy dying away of the poisons thus depleted. (See Arriaga's Extirpation de la Idolatria del Piru, p 21 f.; cited in Spencer's Des. Soc., II., 48.). Sec, also, Ralston's Russian Folk Tales, pp. 311-328.

Farier's Primitive Manners and Customs, p. 23 f.

The primitive belief seems to have had a sound basis in scientific fact.

It would seem that health itself can be transfused with the blood of a healthy man"; 1 death itself being purged out of the veins by inflowing life. And in view of the possibilities of new life to a dying one, through new blood from one full of life, this writer insists that "every adult and healthy man and woman should be ready to offer an arm, as the natural and mysteriously inexhaustible source of the wonderworking elixir." 2 Blood-giving can be life-giving. The measure of one's love may, indeed, in such a case, be tested by the measure of his yielded blood. 3

Roussel says that blood transfusion was practised by the Egyptians, the Hebrews, and the Syrians, in ancient times; 4 and he cites the legend that, before Naaman came to Elisha to be healed of his leprosy, 5 his physicians, in their effort at his cure, took the blood from his veins, and replaced it with other blood. Whatever basis of truth there maybe in this legend, it clearly gained its currency through the prevailing conviction that new blood is new life. There certainly is ample evidence that baths of human blood were anciently prescribed as a cure for the doath-representing leprosy; as if in recognition of this root idea of the re-vivifying power of transferred blood.

Transfusion of Human Blood, pp. 2-4

Ibid., p. 5.

See pages 85-88, supra.

Transf. of Blood, p. 5.

2 Kings 5:1-14.

Pliny, writing eighteen centuries ago concerning leprosy, or elephantiasis, says 1: "This was the peculiar disease of Egypt; and when it fell upon princes, woe to the people; for, in the bathing chambers, tubs were prepared, with human blood, for the cure of it" Nor was this mode of life-seeking confined to the Egyptians. It is said that the Emperor Constantine was restrained from it only in consequence of a vision from heaven. 2

In the early English romance of Amys and Amylion, one of these knightly brothers-in-arms consents, with his wife's full approbation, to yield the lives of his two infant children, in order to supply their blood for a bath, for the curing of his brother friend's leprosy. 3 In this instance, the leprosy is cured, and 'the children's lives are miraculously restored to them; as if in proof of the divine approbation of the loving sacrifice.

It is shown, indeed, that this belief in the life-bringing power of baths of blood to the death-smitten lepers, was continued into the Middle Ages; and that it finally "received a check from an opinion gradually gaining ground, that only the blood of those would be efficacious, who offered themselves freely and voluntarily for a beloved sufferer." 4

Hist. Nat. xxvi, 5.

See Notes and Queries, for Feb. 28, 1857; with citation from Soane's New Curiosities of Literature, I., 72.

Ibid.; also Mill's History of Chivalry, chap. IV., note.

See citation from Soane, in Notes and Queries, supra.

There is something very suggestive in this thought of the truest potency of transferred life through transferred blood! It is this thought which finds expression and illustration in Longfellow's Golden Legend. In the castle of Vautsberg on the Rhine, Prince Henry is sick with a strange and hopeless malady. Lucifer appears to him in the garb of a traveling physician, and tells him of the only possible cure for his disease, as prescribed in a venerable tome:

"'The only lemedy that rcmains Is the blood that flows fiom a maiden's veins,

Who of her own free will shall die, And give her life as the price of yours!' That is the strangest of all cures, And one, I think, you will never try; The prescription you may well put by. As something impossible to find Before the world itself shall end!"

Elsie, the lovely daughter of a peasant in the Odenwald, learns of the Prince's need, and declares she will give her blood for his cure. In her chamber by night, her self-surrendering prayer goes up: "'If my feeble payer can reach thee, O my Saviour, I beseech thee, Even as thou hast died for me, More sincerely Let me follow where thou leadest, Let me, bleeding as thou bleedest, Die, if dying I may give Life to one who asks to live, And more nearly, Dying thus, resemble thee!'"

Her father, Gottlieb, consents to her life-surrender, saying to the Prince: "'As Abraham offered, long ago, His son unto the Lord, and even The Everlasting Father in heaven Gave his, as a lamb unto the slaughter, So do I offer up my daughter.'" And Elsie adds: "My life is little, Only a cup of water, But pure and limpid. Take it, O Prince! Let it refresh you, Let it restore you. It is given willingly It is given fieely; May God bless the gift!'"

The proffered sacrifice is interfered with before its consummation; but its purposed method shows the estimate which was put, from of old, on voluntarily yielded life for life. There is said to be an Eastern legend somewhat like the story of Amys and Amylion; with a touch of the ancient Egyptian and Mexican legends already cited "The Arabian chronicler speaks of a king, who, having lost a faithful servant by his transformation into stone, is told that he can call his friend back to life, if he is willing to behead his two children, and to sprinkle the ossified figure with their blood.

He makes up his mind to the sacrifice; but as he approaches the children with his drawn sword, the will is accepted by heaven for the deed, and he suddenly sees the stone restored to animation." 1 This story, in substance, (only with the slaying and the resuscitating of the children, as in the English romance,) appears in Grimm's folk-lore tales, under the title of " Faithful John"; 2 but whether its origin was in the East or in the North, or in both quarters, is not apparent. Its reappearance East, North, and West, is all the more noteworthy.

In the romances of King Arthur and Ins knights, there is a story of a maiden daughter of King Vellinore, a sister of Sir Percivale, who befriends the noble Sir Galahad, and then accompanies him and his companions on their way to the castle of Carteloise, and beyond, in their search for the Holy Grail.

Citation from "Saturday Review," for Feb. 14, 1857, in Notes and Queries, supra.

See Grimm's Household Tales I., 23-30.

"And again they went on to another castle, from which came a band of knights, who told them of the custom of the place, that every maiden who passed by must yield a dish full of her blood.' That shall she not do' said Galahad,' while I live'; and fierce was the struggle that followed; and the sword of Galahad, which was the sword of King David, smote them down on every side, until those who remained alive craved peace, and bade Galahad and his fellows come into the castle for the night; 'and on the morn/ they said, 'we dare say ye will be of one accord with us, when ye know the reason for our custom' So awhile they rested, and the- knights told them that in the castle there lay a lady sick to death, who might never gain back her life, until she should be anointed with the blood of a pure maiden who was a king's daughter. Then said Percivale's sister, 'I will yield it, and so shall I get health to my soul, and there shall be no battle on the morn.' And even so was it done; but the blood which she gave was so much that she might not live; and as her strength passed away, she said to Percivale, 'I die, brother, for the healing of this lady.' . . . Thus was the lady of the castle healed; and the gentle maiden, [Percivale's sister,] . . . died." 1

In the old Scandinavian legends, there are indications of the traditional belief in the power of transferred life through a bath of blood. Siegfried, or Sigurd, a descendant of Odin, slew Fafner, a dragon-shaped guardian of ill-gotten treasure.

Cox and Jones's Popular Romances of the Middle Ages, pp. 85-87.

In the hot blood of that dragon he bathed himself, and so took on, as it were, an outer covering of new life, rendering himself sword-proof, save at a single point where a leaf of the linden-tree fell between his shoulders, and shielded the flesh from the life-imparting blood. 1 On this incident it is, that the main tragedy in the Nibelungen Lied pivots; where Siegfried's wife, Kriemhild, tells the treacherous Hagan of her husband's one vulnerable point:

"Said she, My husband's daring, and thereto Stout of limb; Of old, when on the mountain he slew the dragon grim, In its blood he bathed him, and thence no more can feel, In his charmed person, the deadly dint of steel. "As fiom the diagon's death-wounds gushed out theciimson gore, With the smoking torrent, the warrior washed him o'er. A leaf then 'twixt his shoulders fell from the linden bough; There, only, steel can harm him; fox that I tremble now." 2

Even among the blood-reverencing Brahmans of India there are traces of this idea, that life is to be guarded by the outpoured blood of others. In the famous old work, "Kalila wa-Dimna," there is the story of a king, named Beladh, who had a vision in the night, which so troubled him that he sought counsel of the Brahmans.

Cox and Jones's Romances of tht Middle Ages, p. 292.

Lettsom's Nibel. Lied, p. 158.

Their advice was, that he should sacrifice his favorite wife, his best loved son, his nephew, and his dearest friend, in conjunction with other valued offerings to the gods. "It will be necessaiy for you, O King," they said, "when you have put to death the persons we have named to you, to fill a cauldron with their blood, and sit upon it; and when you get up from the cauldron, we, the Brahmans, assembled from the four quarters of the kingdom, will walk around you, and pronounce our incantations over you, and we will spit upon you, and wipe off from you the blood, and will wash you in water and sweet-oil, and then you may return to the palace, trusting in the protection of heaven against the danger which threatens you." l

Here the king's offering to the gods was to be of that which was dearest to him ; and the bath of blood was to prove to him a cover of life. King Beladh wisely said that, if that were the price of his safety, he was ready to die. He would not prolong his life at such a cost But the story shows the primitive estimate of the life-giving power of blood among the Hindoos.

In China, also, blood has its place as a life-giving agency. A Chinese woman, on the Kit-ie River, tells a missionaiy of her occasional seasons of frenzy, under the control of spirits, and of her ministry of blood, at such seasons, for the cure of disease.

Kalila wa-Dimna, p. 315-319.

"Every year when there is to be a pestilence, or when cholera is to prevail, she goes into this frenzy, and cuts her tongue with a knife, letting some drops of her blood fall into a hogshead of water. This [homeopathically treated] water the people drink as a specific against contagion." Its sacred blood is counted a shield of life, "With the rest of the blood, she writes charms, which the people paste [as words of life] upon their doorposts, or wear upon their persons, as preventives of evil." 1

Receiving new blood as a means of receiving new life, seems to have been sought interchangeably, in olden time, in various diseases, by blood lavations, by blood drinking, and by blood transfusion. It is recorded that, in 1483, King Louis XL, of France, struggled for life by drinking the blood of young children, as a means of his revivifying. "Every day he grew worse," it is said; "and the medicines profited him nothing, though of a strange character; for he vehemently hoped to recover by the human blood which he took and swallowed from certain children." 2

Fielde's Pagoda Shadows, p. 88.

Croniques de France, 1516, feuillet c c i j, cited from Soane, in Notes and Queries, supra.

Again there is a disputed claim, that, in 1492, a Jewish physician endeavored to save the life of Pope Innocent VIII, by giving him in transfusion the blood of three young men successively. The Pope was not recovered, but the three young men lost their lives in the experiment. 1 Yet blood transfusion as a means of new life to the dying was not always a failure, even in former centuries; for the record stands, that "at Frankfort, on the Oder, the surgeons Balthazar, Kaufman, and Purmann, healed a leper, in 1683, bypassing the blood of a lamb into his veins." 2

Even to-day, in South Africa, "when the Zulu king is sick, his immediate personal attendants, or valets, are obliged to allow themselves to be wounded; that a portion of their blood may be introduced into the king's circulation, and a portion of his into theirs." 3 In this plan, the idea seems to be, that health may have power over disease, and that death may be swallowed up in life, by equalizing the blood of the one who is in danger, and of the many who are in strength and safety. Moreover, among the Kafirs those who are still in health are sometimes" washed in blood to protect them against wounds"; 4 as if an outer covering of life could be put on, for the protection of their life within.

Roussel's Trans. of Blood, p. 6. A different version of this story is given, in Bruy's Histoire des Papes, IV., 278; but the other version is supported by two independent sources, in Infessurae Diarium, and Burchardi Diarium. See Notes and Queries, 5th Series, III., 496, and IV., 38; also Hare's Walks in Rome, p. 590.

Diet. Med. ct Chirurg. Prat., Art. " Transfusion."

Shooter's Kafirs of Natal, p. 117.

Ibid., p. 216.

Transfused human blood is also said to be a common prescription of the medicinemen of Tasmania, for the cure of disease. 1 And so it would appear, that, whatever may be its basis in physiological science, the opinion has prevailed, widely and always, that there is a vivifying power in transferred blood; and that blood not only represents but carries life.

Berwick's Daily Life and Origin of Tasmanians, p. 89 ; cited in Spencer's Des. Soc., III., 43.

[thehowtostuff-blog]

At the beginning of this year, I was using my iPhone to browse new titles on Amazon when I saw the cover of “How to Break Up With Your Phone” by Catherine Price. I downloaded it on Kindle because I genuinely wanted to reduce my smartphone use, but also because I thought it would be hilarious to read a book about breaking up with your smartphone on my smartphone (stupid, I know). Within a couple of chapters, however, I was motivated enough to download Moment, a screen time tracking app recommended by Price, and re-purchase the book in print.

Early in “How to Break Up With Your Phone,” Price invites her readers to take the Smartphone Compulsion Test, developed by David Greenfield, a psychiatry professor at the University of Connecticut who also founded the Center for Internet and Technology Addiction. The test has 15 questions, but I knew I was in trouble after answering the first five. Humbled by my very high score, which I am too embarrassed to disclose, I decided it was time to get serious about curtailing my smartphone usage.

Of the chapters in Price’s book, the one called “Putting the Dope in Dopamine” resonated with me the most. She writes that “phones and most apps are deliberately designed without ‘stopping cues’ to alert us when we’ve had enough—which is why it’s so easy to accidentally binge. On a certain level, we know that what we’re doing is making us feel gross. But instead of stopping, our brains decide the solution is to seek out more dopamine. We check our phones again. And again. And again.”

Gross was exactly how I felt. I bought my first iPhone in 2011 (and owned an iPod Touch before that). It was the first thing I looked at in the morning and the last thing I saw at night. I would claim it was because I wanted to check work stuff, but really I was on autopilot. Thinking about what I could have accomplished over the past eight years if I hadn’t been constantly attached to my smartphone made me feel queasy. I also wondered what it had done to my brain’s feedback loop. Just as sugar changes your palate, making you crave more and more sweets to feel sated, I was worried that the incremental doses of immediate gratification my phone doled out would diminish my ability to feel genuine joy and pleasure.

Price’s book was published in February, at the beginning of a year when it feels like tech companies finally started to treat excessive screen time as a liability (or at least do more than pay lip service to it). In addition to the introduction of Screen Time in iOS 12 and Android’s digital wellbeing tools, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube all launched new features that allow users to track time spent on their sites and apps.

Early this year, influential activist investors who hold Apple shares also called for the company to focus on how their devices impact kids. In a letter to Apple, hedge fund Jana Partners and California State Teachers’ Retirement System (CalSTRS) wrote “social media sites and applications for which the iPhone and iPad are a primary gateway are usually designed to be as addictive and time-consuming as possible, as many of their original creators have publicly acknowledged,” adding that “it is both unrealistic and a poor long-term business strategy to ask parents to fight this battle alone.”

The growing mound of research

Then in November, researchers at Penn State released an important new study that linked social media usage by adolescents to depression. Led by psychologist Melissa Hunt, the experimental study monitored 143 students with iPhones from the university for three weeks. The undergraduates were divided into two groups: one was instructed to limit their time on social media, including Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram, to just 10 minutes each app per day (their usage was confirmed by checking their phone’s iOS battery use screens). The other group continued using social media apps as they usually did. At the beginning of the study, a baseline was established with standard tests for depression, anxiety, social support and other issues, and each group continued to be assessed throughout the experiment.

The findings, published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, were striking. The researchers wrote that “the limited use group showed significant reductions in loneliness and depression over three weeks compared to the control group.”

Even the control group benefitted, despite not being given limits on their social media use. “Both groups showed significant decreases in anxiety and fear of missing out over baselines, suggesting a benefit of increased self-monitoring,” the study said. “Our findings strongly suggest that limiting social media use to approximately 30 minutes a day may lead to significant improvement in well-being.”

Other academic studies published this year added to the growing roster of evidence that smartphones and mobile apps can significantly harm your mental and physical wellbeing.

A group of researchers from Princeton, Dartmouth, the University of Texas at Austin, and Stanford published a study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology that found using smartphones to take photos and videos of an experience actually reduces the ability to form memories of it. Others warned against keeping smartphones in your bedroom or even on your desk while you work. Optical chemistry researchers at the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can cause molecular changes in your retina, potentially speeding macular degeneration.

So over the past 12 months, I’ve certainly had plenty of motivation to reduce my screen time. In fact, every time I checked the news on my phone, there seemed to be yet another headline about the perils of smartphone use. I began using Moment to track my total screen time and how it was divided between apps. I took two of Moment’s in-app courses, “Phone Bootcamp” and “Bored and Brilliant.” I also used the app to set a daily time limit, turned on “tiny reminders,” or push notifications that tell you how much time you’ve spent on your phone so far throughout the day, and enabled the “Force Me Off When I’m Over” feature, which basically annoys you off your phone when you go over your daily allotment.

At first I managed to cut my screen time in half. I had thought some of the benefits, like a better attention span mentioned in Price’s book, were too good to be true. But I found my concentration really did improve significantly after just a week of limiting my smartphone use. I read more long-form articles, caught up on some TV shows, and finished knitting a sweater for my toddler. Most importantly, the nagging feeling I had at the end of each day about frittering all my time away diminished, and so I lived happily after, snug in the knowledge that I’m not squandering my life on memes, clickbait and makeup tutorials.

Just kidding.

Holding my iPod Touch in 2010, a year before I bought my first smartphone and back when I still had an attention span.

After a few weeks, my screen time started creeping up again. First I turned off Moment’s “Force Me Off” feature, because my apartment doesn’t have a landline and I needed to be able to check texts from my husband. I kept the tiny reminders, but those became easier and easier to ignore. But even as I mindlessly scrolled through Instagram or Reddit, I felt the existentialist dread of knowing that I was misusing the best years of my life. With all that at stake, why is limiting screen time so hard?

I wish I knew how to quit you, small device

I decided to talk to the CEO of Moment, Tim Kendall, for some insight. Founded in 2014 by UI designer and iOS developer Kevin Holesh, Moment recently launched an Android version, too. It’s one of the best known of a genre that includes Forest, Freedom, Space, Off the Grid, AntiSocial and App Detox, all dedicated to reducing screen time (or at least encouraging more mindful smartphone use).

Kendall told me that I’m not alone. Moment has 7 million users and “over the last four years, you can see that average usage goes up every year,” he says. By looking at overall data, Moment’s team can tell that its tools and courses do help people reduce their screen time, but that often it starts creeping up again. Combating that with new features is one of the company’s main goals for next year.

“We’re spending a lot of time investing in R&D to figure out how to help people who fall into that category. They did Phone Bootcamp, saw nice results, saw benefits, but they just weren’t able to figure out how to do it sustainably,” says Kendall. Moment already releases new courses regularly (recent topics have included sleep, attention span, and family time) and recently began offering them on a subscription basis.

“It’s habit formation and sustained behavior change that is really hard,” says Kendall, who previously held positions as president at Pinterest and Facebook’s director of monetization. But he’s optimistic. “It’s tractable. People can do it. I think the rewards are really significant. We aren’t stopping with the courses. We are exploring a lot of different ways to help people.”

As Jana Partners and CalSTRS noted in their letter, a particularly important issue is the impact of excessive smartphone use on the first generation of teenagers and young adults to have constant access to the devices. Kendall notes that suicide rates among teenagers have increased dramatically over the past two decades. Though research hasn’t explicitly linked time spent online to suicide, the link between screen time and depression has been noted many times already, as in the Penn State study.

But there is hope. Kendall says that the Moment Coach feature, which delivers short, daily exercises to reduce smartphone use, seems to be particularly effective among millennials, the generation most stereotypically associated with being pathologically attached to their phones. “It seems that 20- and 30-somethings have an easier time internalizing the coach and therefore reducing their usage than 40- and 50-somethings,” he says.

Kendall stresses that Moment does not see smartphone use as an all-or-nothing proposition. Instead, he believes that people should replace brain junk food, like social media apps, with things like online language courses or meditation apps. “I really do think the phone used deliberately is one of the most wonderful things you have,” he says.

Researchers have found that taking smartphone photos and videos during an experience may decrease your ability to form memories of it. (Steved_np3/Getty Images)

I’ve tried to limit most of my smartphone usage to apps like Kindle, but the best solution has been to find offline alternatives to keep myself distracted. For example, I’ve been teaching myself new knitting and crochet techniques, because I can’t do either while holding my phone (though I do listen to podcasts and audiobooks). It also gives me a tactile way to measure the time I spend off my phone because the hours I cut off my screen time correlate to the number of rows I complete on a project. To limit my usage to specific apps, I rely on iOS Screen Time. It’s really easy to just tap “Ignore Limit,” however, so I also continue to depend on several of Moment’s features.

While several third-party screen time tracking app developers have recently found themselves under more scrutiny by Apple, Kendall says the launch of Screen Time hasn’t significantly impacted Moment’s business or sign ups. The launch of their Android version also opens up a significant new market (Android also enables Moment to add new features that aren’t possible on iOS, including only allowing access to certain apps during set times).

The short-term impact of iOS Screen Time has “been neutral, but I think in the long-term it’s really going to help,” Kendall says. “I think in the long-term it’s going to help with awareness. If I were to use a diet metaphor, I think Apple has built a terrific calorie counter and scale, but unfortunately they have not given people nutritional guidelines or a regimen. If you talk to any behavioral economist, not withstanding all that’s been said about the quantified self, numbers don’t really motivate people.”

Guilting also doesn’t work, at least not for the long-term, so Moment tries to take “a compassionate voice,” he adds. “That’s part of our brand and company and ethos. We don’t think we’ll be very helpful if people feel judged when we use our product. They need to feel cared for and supported, and know that the goal is not perfection, it’s gradual change.”

Many smartphone users are probably in my situation: alarmed by their screen time stats, unhappy about the time they waste, but also finding it hard to quit their devices. We don’t just use our smartphones to distract ourselves or get a quick dopamine rush with social media likes. We use it to manage our workload, keep in touch with friends, plan our days, read books, look up recipes, and find fun places to go. I’ve often thought about buying a Yondr bag or asking my husband to hide my phone from me, but I know that ultimately won’t help.

As cheesy as it sounds, the impetus for change must come from within. No amount of academic research, screen time apps, or analytics can make up for that.

One thing I tell myself is that unless developers find more ways to force us to change our behavior or another major paradigm shift occurs in mobile communications, my relationship with my smartphone will move in cycles. Sometimes I’ll be happy with my usage, then I’ll lapse, then I’ll take another Moment course or try another screen time app, and hopefully get back on track. In 2018, however, the conversation around screen time finally gained some desperately needed urgency (and in the meantime, I’ve actually completed some knitting projects instead of just thumbing my way through #knittersofinstagram).

from TechCrunch https://tcrn.ch/2EPgHLh

[technicalsolutions88]

At the beginning of this year, I was using my iPhone to browse new titles on Amazon when I saw the cover of “How to Break Up With Your Phone” by Catherine Price. I downloaded it on Kindle because I genuinely wanted to reduce my smartphone use, but also because I thought it would be hilarious to read a book about breaking up with your smartphone on my smartphone (stupid, I know). Within a couple of chapters, however, I was motivated enough to download Moment, a screen time tracking app recommended by Price, and re-purchase the book in print.

Early in “How to Break Up With Your Phone,” Price invites her readers to take the Smartphone Compulsion Test, developed by David Greenfield, a psychiatry professor at the University of Connecticut who also founded the Center for Internet and Technology Addiction. The test has 15 questions, but I knew I was in trouble after answering the first five. Humbled by my very high score, which I am too embarrassed to disclose, I decided it was time to get serious about curtailing my smartphone usage.

Of the chapters in Price’s book, the one called “Putting the Dope in Dopamine” resonated with me the most. She writes that “phones and most apps are deliberately designed without ‘stopping cues’ to alert us when we’ve had enough—which is why it’s so easy to accidentally binge. On a certain level, we know that what we’re doing is making us feel gross. But instead of stopping, our brains decide the solution is to seek out more dopamine. We check our phones again. And again. And again.”

Gross was exactly how I felt. I bought my first iPhone in 2011 (and owned an iPod Touch before that). It was the first thing I looked at in the morning and the last thing I saw at night. I would claim it was because I wanted to check work stuff, but really I was on autopilot. Thinking about what I could have accomplished over the past eight years if I hadn’t been constantly attached to my smartphone made me feel queasy. I also wondered what it had done to my brain’s feedback loop. Just as sugar changes your palate, making you crave more and more sweets to feel sated, I was worried that the incremental doses of immediate gratification my phone doled out would diminish my ability to feel genuine joy and pleasure.

Price’s book was published in February, at the beginning of a year when it feels like tech companies finally started to treat excessive screen time as a liability (or at least do more than pay lip service to it). In addition to the introduction of Screen Time in iOS 12 and Android’s digital wellbeing tools, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube all launched new features that allow users to track time spent on their sites and apps.

Early this year, influential activist investors who hold Apple shares also called for the company to focus on how their devices impact kids. In a letter to Apple, hedge fund Jana Partners and California State Teachers’ Retirement System (CalSTRS) wrote “social media sites and applications for which the iPhone and iPad are a primary gateway are usually designed to be as addictive and time-consuming as possible, as many of their original creators have publicly acknowledged,” adding that “it is both unrealistic and a poor long-term business strategy to ask parents to fight this battle alone.”

The growing mound of research

Then in November, researchers at Penn State released an important new study that linked social media usage by adolescents to depression. Led by psychologist Melissa Hunt, the experimental study monitored 143 students with iPhones from the university for three weeks. The undergraduates were divided into two groups: one was instructed to limit their time on social media, including Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram, to just 10 minutes each app per day (their usage was confirmed by checking their phone’s iOS battery use screens). The other group continued using social media apps as they usually did. At the beginning of the study, a baseline was established with standard tests for depression, anxiety, social support and other issues, and each group continued to be assessed throughout the experiment.

The findings, published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, were striking. The researchers wrote that “the limited use group showed significant reductions in loneliness and depression over three weeks compared to the control group.”

Even the control group benefitted, despite not being given limits on their social media use. “Both groups showed significant decreases in anxiety and fear of missing out over baselines, suggesting a benefit of increased self-monitoring,” the study said. “Our findings strongly suggest that limiting social media use to approximately 30 minutes a day may lead to significant improvement in well-being.”

Other academic studies published this year added to the growing roster of evidence that smartphones and mobile apps can significantly harm your mental and physical wellbeing.

A group of researchers from Princeton, Dartmouth, the University of Texas at Austin, and Stanford published a study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology that found using smartphones to take photos and videos of an experience actually reduces the ability to form memories of it. Others warned against keeping smartphones in your bedroom or even on your desk while you work. Optical chemistry researchers at the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can cause molecular changes in your retina, potentially speeding macular degeneration.

So over the past 12 months, I’ve certainly had plenty of motivation to reduce my screen time. In fact, every time I checked the news on my phone, there seemed to be yet another headline about the perils of smartphone use. I began using Moment to track my total screen time and how it was divided between apps. I took two of Moment’s in-app courses, “Phone Bootcamp” and “Bored and Brilliant.” I also used the app to set a daily time limit, turned on “tiny reminders,” or push notifications that tell you how much time you’ve spent on your phone so far throughout the day, and enabled the “Force Me Off When I’m Over” feature, which basically annoys you off your phone when you go over your daily allotment.

At first I managed to cut my screen time in half. I had thought some of the benefits, like a better attention span mentioned in Price’s book, were too good to be true. But I found my concentration really did improve significantly after just a week of limiting my smartphone use. I read more long-form articles, caught up on some TV shows, and finished knitting a sweater for my toddler. Most importantly, the nagging feeling I had at the end of each day about frittering all my time away diminished, and so I lived happily after, snug in the knowledge that I’m not squandering my life on memes, clickbait and makeup tutorials.

Just kidding.

Holding my iPod Touch in 2010, a year before I bought my first smartphone and back when I still had an attention span.

After a few weeks, my screen time started creeping up again. First I turned off Moment’s “Force Me Off” feature, because my apartment doesn’t have a landline and I needed to be able to check texts from my husband. I kept the tiny reminders, but those became easier and easier to ignore. But even as I mindlessly scrolled through Instagram or Reddit, I felt the existentialist dread of knowing that I was misusing the best years of my life. With all that at stake, why is limiting screen time so hard?

I wish I knew how to quit you, small device

I decided to talk to the CEO of Moment, Tim Kendall, for some insight. Founded in 2014 by UI designer and iOS developer Kevin Holesh, Moment recently launched an Android version, too. It’s one of the best known of a genre that includes Forest, Freedom, Space, Off the Grid, AntiSocial and App Detox, all dedicated to reducing screen time (or at least encouraging more mindful smartphone use).

Kendall told me that I’m not alone. Moment has 7 million users and “over the last four years, you can see that average usage goes up every year,” he says. By looking at overall data, Moment’s team can tell that its tools and courses do help people reduce their screen time, but that often it starts creeping up again. Combating that with new features is one of the company’s main goals for next year.

“We’re spending a lot of time investing in R&D to figure out how to help people who fall into that category. They did Phone Bootcamp, saw nice results, saw benefits, but they just weren’t able to figure out how to do it sustainably,” says Kendall. Moment already releases new courses regularly (recent topics have included sleep, attention span, and family time) and recently began offering them on a subscription basis.

“It’s habit formation and sustained behavior change that is really hard,” says Kendall, who previously held positions as president at Pinterest and Facebook’s director of monetization. But he’s optimistic. “It’s tractable. People can do it. I think the rewards are really significant. We aren’t stopping with the courses. We are exploring a lot of different ways to help people.”

As Jana Partners and CalSTRS noted in their letter, a particularly important issue is the impact of excessive smartphone use on the first generation of teenagers and young adults to have constant access to the devices. Kendall notes that suicide rates among teenagers have increased dramatically over the past two decades. Though research hasn’t explicitly linked time spent online to suicide, the link between screen time and depression has been noted many times already, as in the Penn State study.

But there is hope. Kendall says that the Moment Coach feature, which delivers short, daily exercises to reduce smartphone use, seems to be particularly effective among millennials, the generation most stereotypically associated with being pathologically attached to their phones. “It seems that 20- and 30-somethings have an easier time internalizing the coach and therefore reducing their usage than 40- and 50-somethings,” he says.

Kendall stresses that Moment does not see smartphone use as an all-or-nothing proposition. Instead, he believes that people should replace brain junk food, like social media apps, with things like online language courses or meditation apps. “I really do think the phone used deliberately is one of the most wonderful things you have,” he says.

Researchers have found that taking smartphone photos and videos during an experience may decrease your ability to form memories of it. (Steved_np3/Getty Images)

I’ve tried to limit most of my smartphone usage to apps like Kindle, but the best solution has been to find offline alternatives to keep myself distracted. For example, I’ve been teaching myself new knitting and crochet techniques, because I can’t do either while holding my phone (though I do listen to podcasts and audiobooks). It also gives me a tactile way to measure the time I spend off my phone because the hours I cut off my screen time correlate to the number of rows I complete on a project. To limit my usage to specific apps, I rely on iOS Screen Time. It’s really easy to just tap “Ignore Limit,” however, so I also continue to depend on several of Moment’s features.

While several third-party screen time tracking app developers have recently found themselves under more scrutiny by Apple, Kendall says the launch of Screen Time hasn’t significantly impacted Moment’s business or sign ups. The launch of their Android version also opens up a significant new market (Android also enables Moment to add new features that aren’t possible on iOS, including only allowing access to certain apps during set times).

The short-term impact of iOS Screen Time has “been neutral, but I think in the long-term it’s really going to help,” Kendall says. “I think in the long-term it’s going to help with awareness. If I were to use a diet metaphor, I think Apple has built a terrific calorie counter and scale, but unfortunately they have not given people nutritional guidelines or a regimen. If you talk to any behavioral economist, not withstanding all that’s been said about the quantified self, numbers don’t really motivate people.”

Guilting also doesn’t work, at least not for the long-term, so Moment tries to take “a compassionate voice,” he adds. “That’s part of our brand and company and ethos. We don’t think we’ll be very helpful if people feel judged when we use our product. They need to feel cared for and supported, and know that the goal is not perfection, it’s gradual change.”

Many smartphone users are probably in my situation: alarmed by their screen time stats, unhappy about the time they waste, but also finding it hard to quit their devices. We don’t just use our smartphones to distract ourselves or get a quick dopamine rush with social media likes. We use it to manage our workload, keep in touch with friends, plan our days, read books, look up recipes, and find fun places to go. I’ve often thought about buying a Yondr bag or asking my husband to hide my phone from me, but I know that ultimately won’t help.

As cheesy as it sounds, the impetus for change must come from within. No amount of academic research, screen time apps, or analytics can make up for that.

One thing I tell myself is that unless developers find more ways to force us to change our behavior or another major paradigm shift occurs in mobile communications, my relationship with my smartphone will move in cycles. Sometimes I’ll be happy with my usage, then I’ll lapse, then I’ll take another Moment course or try another screen time app, and hopefully get back on track. In 2018, however, the conversation around screen time finally gained some desperately needed urgency (and in the meantime, I’ve actually completed some knitting projects instead of just thumbing my way through #knittersofinstagram).

from Mobile – TechCrunch https://tcrn.ch/2EPgHLh ORIGINAL CONTENT FROM: https://techcrunch.com/

[theinvinciblenoob]

At the beginning of this year, I was using my iPhone to browse new titles on Amazon when I saw the cover of “How to Break Up With Your Phone” by Catherine Price. I downloaded it on Kindle because I genuinely wanted to reduce my smartphone use, but also because I thought it would be hilarious to read a book about breaking up with your smartphone on my smartphone (stupid, I know). Within a couple of chapters, however, I was motivated enough to download Moment, a screen time tracking app recommended by Price, and re-purchase the book in print.

Early in “How to Break Up With Your Phone,” Price invites her readers to take the Smartphone Compulsion Test, developed by David Greenfield, a psychiatry professor at the University of Connecticut who also founded the Center for Internet and Technology Addiction. The test has 15 questions, but I knew I was in trouble after answering the first five. Humbled by my very high score, which I am too embarrassed to disclose, I decided it was time to get serious about curtailing my smartphone usage.

Of the chapters in Price’s book, the one called “Putting the Dope in Dopamine” resonated with me the most. She writes that “phones and most apps are deliberately designed without ‘stopping cues’ to alert us when we’ve had enough—which is why it’s so easy to accidentally binge. On a certain level, we know that what we’re doing is making us feel gross. But instead of stopping, our brains decide the solution is to seek out more dopamine. We check our phones again. And again. And again.”

Gross was exactly how I felt. I bought my first iPhone in 2011 (and owned an iPod Touch before that). It was the first thing I looked at in the morning and the last thing I saw at night. I would claim it was because I wanted to check work stuff, but really I was on autopilot. Thinking about what I could have accomplished over the past eight years if I hadn’t been constantly attached to my smartphone made me feel queasy. I also wondered what it had done to my brain’s feedback loop. Just as sugar changes your palate, making you crave more and more sweets to feel sated, I was worried that the incremental doses of immediate gratification my phone doled out would diminish my ability to feel genuine joy and pleasure.

Price’s book was published in February, at the beginning of a year when it feels like tech companies finally started to treat excessive screen time as a liability (or at least do more than pay lip service to it). In addition to the introduction of Screen Time in iOS 12 and Android’s digital wellbeing tools, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube all launched new features that allow users to track time spent on their sites and apps.

Early this year, influential activist investors who hold Apple shares also called for the company to focus on how their devices impact kids. In a letter to Apple, hedge fund Jana Partners and California State Teachers’ Retirement System (CalSTRS) wrote “social media sites and applications for which the iPhone and iPad are a primary gateway are usually designed to be as addictive and time-consuming as possible, as many of their original creators have publicly acknowledged,” adding that “it is both unrealistic and a poor long-term business strategy to ask parents to fight this battle alone.”

The growing mound of research

Then in November, researchers at Penn State released an important new study that linked social media usage by adolescents to depression. Led by psychologist Melissa Hunt, the experimental study monitored 143 students with iPhones from the university for three weeks. The undergraduates were divided into two groups: one was instructed to limit their time on social media, including Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram, to just 10 minutes each app per day (their usage was confirmed by checking their phone’s iOS battery use screens). The other group continued using social media apps as they usually did. At the beginning of the study, a baseline was established with standard tests for depression, anxiety, social support and other issues, and each group continued to be assessed throughout the experiment.

The findings, published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, were striking. The researchers wrote that “the limited use group showed significant reductions in loneliness and depression over three weeks compared to the control group.”

Even the control group benefitted, despite not being given limits on their social media use. “Both groups showed significant decreases in anxiety and fear of missing out over baselines, suggesting a benefit of increased self-monitoring,” the study said. “Our findings strongly suggest that limiting social media use to approximately 30 minutes a day may lead to significant improvement in well-being.”

Other academic studies published this year added to the growing roster of evidence that smartphones and mobile apps can significantly harm your mental and physical wellbeing.

A group of researchers from Princeton, Dartmouth, the University of Texas at Austin, and Stanford published a study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology that found using smartphones to take photos and videos of an experience actually reduces the ability to form memories of it. Others warned against keeping smartphones in your bedroom or even on your desk while you work. Optical chemistry researchers at the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can cause molecular changes in your retina, potentially speeding macular degeneration.

So over the past 12 months, I’ve certainly had plenty of motivation to reduce my screen time. In fact, every time I checked the news on my phone, there seemed to be yet another headline about the perils of smartphone use. I began using Moment to track my total screen time and how it was divided between apps. I took two of Moment’s in-app courses, “Phone Bootcamp” and “Bored and Brilliant.” I also used the app to set a daily time limit, turned on “tiny reminders,” or push notifications that tell you how much time you’ve spent on your phone so far throughout the day, and enabled the “Force Me Off When I’m Over” feature, which basically annoys you off your phone when you go over your daily allotment.

At first I managed to cut my screen time in half. I had thought some of the benefits, like a better attention span mentioned in Price’s book, were too good to be true. But I found my concentration really did improve significantly after just a week of limiting my smartphone use. I read more long-form articles, caught up on some TV shows, and finished knitting a sweater for my toddler. Most importantly, the nagging feeling I had at the end of each day about frittering all my time away diminished, and so I lived happily after, snug in the knowledge that I’m not squandering my life on memes, clickbait and makeup tutorials.

Just kidding.

Holding my iPod Touch in 2010, a year before I bought my first smartphone and back when I still had an attention span.

After a few weeks, my screen time started creeping up again. First I turned off Moment’s “Force Me Off” feature, because my apartment doesn’t have a landline and I needed to be able to check texts from my husband. I kept the tiny reminders, but those became easier and easier to ignore. But even as I mindlessly scrolled through Instagram or Reddit, I felt the existentialist dread of knowing that I was misusing the best years of my life. With all that at stake, why is limiting screen time so hard?

I wish I knew how to quit you, small device

I decided to talk to the CEO of Moment, Tim Kendall, for some insight. Founded in 2014 by UI designer and iOS developer Kevin Holesh, Moment recently launched an Android version, too. It’s one of the best known of a genre that includes Forest, Freedom, Space, Off the Grid, AntiSocial and App Detox, all dedicated to reducing screen time (or at least encouraging more mindful smartphone use).

Kendall told me that I’m not alone. Moment has 7 million users and “over the last four years, you can see that average usage goes up every year,” he says. By looking at overall data, Moment’s team can tell that its tools and courses do help people reduce their screen time, but that often it starts creeping up again. Combating that with new features is one of the company’s main goals for next year.

“We’re spending a lot of time investing in R&D to figure out how to help people who fall into that category. They did Phone Bootcamp, saw nice results, saw benefits, but they just weren’t able to figure out how to do it sustainably,” says Kendall. Moment already releases new courses regularly (recent topics have included sleep, attention span, and family time) and recently began offering them on a subscription basis.

“It’s habit formation and sustained behavior change that is really hard,” says Kendall, who previously held positions as president at Pinterest and Facebook’s director of monetization. But he’s optimistic. “It’s tractable. People can do it. I think the rewards are really significant. We aren’t stopping with the courses. We are exploring a lot of different ways to help people.”

As Jana Partners and CalSTRS noted in their letter, a particularly important issue is the impact of excessive smartphone use on the first generation of teenagers and young adults to have constant access to the devices. Kendall notes that suicide rates among teenagers have increased dramatically over the past two decades. Though research hasn’t explicitly linked time spent online to suicide, the link between screen time and depression has been noted many times already, as in the Penn State study.

But there is hope. Kendall says that the Moment Coach feature, which delivers short, daily exercises to reduce smartphone use, seems to be particularly effective among millennials, the generation most stereotypically associated with being pathologically attached to their phones. “It seems that 20- and 30-somethings have an easier time internalizing the coach and therefore reducing their usage than 40- and 50-somethings,” he says.

Kendall stresses that Moment does not see smartphone use as an all-or-nothing proposition. Instead, he believes that people should replace brain junk food, like social media apps, with things like online language courses or meditation apps. “I really do think the phone used deliberately is one of the most wonderful things you have,” he says.

Researchers have found that taking smartphone photos and videos during an experience may decrease your ability to form memories of it. (Steved_np3/Getty Images)

I’ve tried to limit most of my smartphone usage to apps like Kindle, but the best solution has been to find offline alternatives to keep myself distracted. For example, I’ve been teaching myself new knitting and crochet techniques, because I can’t do either while holding my phone (though I do listen to podcasts and audiobooks). It also gives me a tactile way to measure the time I spend off my phone because the hours I cut off my screen time correlate to the number of rows I complete on a project. To limit my usage to specific apps, I rely on iOS Screen Time. It’s really easy to just tap “Ignore Limit,” however, so I also continue to depend on several of Moment’s features.

While several third-party screen time tracking app developers have recently found themselves under more scrutiny by Apple, Kendall says the launch of Screen Time hasn’t significantly impacted Moment’s business or sign ups. The launch of their Android version also opens up a significant new market (Android also enables Moment to add new features that aren’t possible on iOS, including only allowing access to certain apps during set times).

The short-term impact of iOS Screen Time has “been neutral, but I think in the long-term it’s really going to help,” Kendall says. “I think in the long-term it’s going to help with awareness. If I were to use a diet metaphor, I think Apple has built a terrific calorie counter and scale, but unfortunately they have not given people nutritional guidelines or a regimen. If you talk to any behavioral economist, not withstanding all that’s been said about the quantified self, numbers don’t really motivate people.”

Guilting also doesn’t work, at least not for the long-term, so Moment tries to take “a compassionate voice,” he adds. “That’s part of our brand and company and ethos. We don’t think we’ll be very helpful if people feel judged when we use our product. They need to feel cared for and supported, and know that the goal is not perfection, it’s gradual change.”

Many smartphone users are probably in my situation: alarmed by their screen time stats, unhappy about the time they waste, but also finding it hard to quit their devices. We don’t just use our smartphones to distract ourselves or get a quick dopamine rush with social media likes. We use it to manage our workload, keep in touch with friends, plan our days, read books, look up recipes, and find fun places to go. I’ve often thought about buying a Yondr bag or asking my husband to hide my phone from me, but I know that ultimately won’t help.

As cheesy as it sounds, the impetus for change must come from within. No amount of academic research, screen time apps, or analytics can make up for that.

One thing I tell myself is that unless developers find more ways to force us to change our behavior or another major paradigm shift occurs in mobile communications, my relationship with my smartphone will move in cycles. Sometimes I’ll be happy with my usage, then I’ll lapse, then I’ll take another Moment course or try another screen time app, and hopefully get back on track. In 2018, however, the conversation around screen time finally gained some desperately needed urgency (and in the meantime, I’ve actually completed some knitting projects instead of just thumbing my way through #knittersofinstagram).

via TechCrunch

[williamsjoan]

We finally started taking screen time seriously in 2018

At the beginning of this year, I was using my iPhone to browse new titles on Amazon when I saw the cover of “How to Break Up With Your Phone” by Catherine Price. I downloaded it on Kindle because I genuinely wanted to reduce my smartphone use, but also because I thought it would be hilarious to read a book about breaking up with your smartphone on my smartphone (stupid, I know). Within a couple of chapters, however, I was motivated enough to download Moment, a screen time tracking app recommended by Price, and re-purchase the book in print.

Early in “How to Break Up With Your Phone,” Price invites her readers to take the Smartphone Compulsion Test, developed by David Greenfield, a psychiatry professor at the University of Connecticut who also founded the Center for Internet and Technology Addiction. The test has 15 questions, but I knew I was in trouble after answering the first five. Humbled by my very high score, which I am too embarrassed to disclose, I decided it was time to get serious about curtailing my smartphone usage.

Of the chapters in Price’s book, the one called “Putting the Dope in Dopamine” resonated with me the most. She writes that “phones and most apps are deliberately designed without ‘stopping cues’ to alert us when we’ve had enough—which is why it’s so easy to accidentally binge. On a certain level, we know that what we’re doing is making us feel gross. But instead of stopping, our brains decide the solution is to seek out more dopamine. We check our phones again. And again. And again.”

Gross was exactly how I felt. I bought my first iPhone in 2011 (and owned an iPod Touch before that). It was the first thing I looked at in the morning and the last thing I saw at night. I would claim it was because I wanted to check work stuff, but really I was on autopilot. Thinking about what I could have accomplished over the past eight years if I hadn’t been constantly attached to my smartphone made me feel queasy. I also wondered what it had done to my brain’s feedback loop. Just as sugar changes your palate, making you crave more and more sweets to feel sated, I was worried that the incremental doses of immediate gratification my phone doled out would diminish my ability to feel genuine joy and pleasure.

Price’s book was published in February, at the beginning of a year when it feels like tech companies finally started to treat excessive screen time as a liability (or at least do more than pay lip service to it). In addition to the introduction of Screen Time in iOS 12 and Android’s digital wellbeing tools, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube all launched new features that allow users to track time spent on their sites and apps.

Early this year, influential activist investors who hold Apple shares also called for the company to focus on how their devices impact kids. In a letter to Apple, hedge fund Jana Partners and California State Teachers’ Retirement System (CalSTRS) wrote “social media sites and applications for which the iPhone and iPad are a primary gateway are usually designed to be as addictive and time-consuming as possible, as many of their original creators have publicly acknowledged,” adding that “it is both unrealistic and a poor long-term business strategy to ask parents to fight this battle alone.”

The growing mound of research

Then in November, researchers at Penn State released an important new study that linked social media usage by adolescents to depression. Led by psychologist Melissa Hunt, the experimental study monitored 143 students with iPhones from the university for three weeks. The undergraduates were divided into two groups: one was instructed to limit their time on social media, including Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram, to just 10 minutes each app per day (their usage was confirmed by checking their phone’s iOS battery use screens). The other group continued using social media apps as they usually did. At the beginning of the study, a baseline was established with standard tests for depression, anxiety, social support and other issues, and each group continued to be assessed throughout the experiment.

The findings, published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, were striking. The researchers wrote that “the limited use group showed significant reductions in loneliness and depression over three weeks compared to the control group.”

Even the control group benefitted, despite not being given limits on their social media use. “Both groups showed significant decreases in anxiety and fear of missing out over baselines, suggesting a benefit of increased self-monitoring,” the study said. “Our findings strongly suggest that limiting social media use to approximately 30 minutes a day may lead to significant improvement in well-being.”

Other academic studies published this year added to the growing roster of evidence that smartphones and mobile apps can significantly harm your mental and physical wellbeing.

A group of researchers from Princeton, Dartmouth, the University of Texas at Austin, and Stanford published a study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology that found using smartphones to take photos and videos of an experience actually reduces the ability to form memories of it. Others warned against keeping smartphones in your bedroom or even on your desk while you work. Optical chemistry researchers at the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can cause molecular changes in your retina, potentially speeding macular degeneration.

So over the past 12 months, I’ve certainly had plenty of motivation to reduce my screen time. In fact, every time I checked the news on my phone, there seemed to be yet another headline about the perils of smartphone use. I began using Moment to track my total screen time and how it was divided between apps. I took two of Moment’s in-app courses, “Phone Bootcamp” and “Bored and Brilliant.” I also used the app to set a daily time limit, turned on “tiny reminders,” or push notifications that tell you how much time you’ve spent on your phone so far throughout the day, and enabled the “Force Me Off When I’m Over” feature, which basically annoys you off your phone when you go over your daily allotment.

At first I managed to cut my screen time in half. I had thought some of the benefits, like a better attention span mentioned in Price’s book, were too good to be true. But I found my concentration really did improve significantly after just a week of limiting my smartphone use. I read more long-form articles, caught up on some TV shows, and finished knitting a sweater for my toddler. Most importantly, the nagging feeling I had at the end of each day about frittering all my time away diminished, and so I lived happily after, snug in the knowledge that I’m not squandering my life on memes, clickbait and makeup tutorials.

Just kidding.

Holding my iPod Touch in 2010, a year before I bought my first smartphone and back when I still had an attention span.

After a few weeks, my screen time started creeping up again. First I turned off Moment’s “Force Me Off” feature, because my apartment doesn’t have a landline and I needed to be able to check texts from my husband. I kept the tiny reminders, but those became easier and easier to ignore. But even as I mindlessly scrolled through Instagram or Reddit, I felt the existentialist dread of knowing that I was misusing the best years of my life. With all that at stake, why is limiting screen time so hard?

I wish I knew how to quit you, small device

I decided to talk to the CEO of Moment, Tim Kendall, for some insight. Founded in 2014 by UI designer and iOS developer Kevin Holesh, Moment recently launched an Android version, too. It’s one of the best known of a genre that includes Forest, Freedom, Space, Off the Grid, AntiSocial and App Detox, all dedicated to reducing screen time (or at least encouraging more mindful smartphone use).

Kendall told me that I’m not alone. Moment has 7 million users and “over the last four years, you can see that average usage goes up every year,” he says. By looking at overall data, Moment’s team can tell that its tools and courses do help people reduce their screen time, but that often it starts creeping up again. Combating that with new features is one of the company’s main goals for next year.

“We’re spending a lot of time investing in R&D to figure out how to help people who fall into that category. They did Phone Bootcamp, saw nice results, saw benefits, but they just weren’t able to figure out how to do it sustainably,” says Kendall. Moment already releases new courses regularly (recent topics have included sleep, attention span, and family time) and recently began offering them on a subscription basis.

“It’s habit formation and sustained behavior change that is really hard,” says Kendall, who previously held positions as president at Pinterest and Facebook’s director of monetization. But he’s optimistic. “It’s tractable. People can do it. I think the rewards are really significant. We aren’t stopping with the courses. We are exploring a lot of different ways to help people.”

As Jana Partners and CalSTRS noted in their letter, a particularly important issue is the impact of excessive smartphone use on the first generation of teenagers and young adults to have constant access to the devices. Kendall notes that suicide rates among teenagers have increased dramatically over the past two decades. Though research hasn’t explicitly linked time spent online to suicide, the link between screen time and depression has been noted many times already, as in the Penn State study.

But there is hope. Kendall says that the Moment Coach feature, which delivers short, daily exercises to reduce smartphone use, seems to be particularly effective among millennials, the generation most stereotypically associated with being pathologically attached to their phones. “It seems that 20- and 30-somethings have an easier time internalizing the coach and therefore reducing their usage than 40- and 50-somethings,” he says.

Kendall stresses that Moment does not see smartphone use as an all-or-nothing proposition. Instead, he believes that people should replace brain junk food, like social media apps, with things like online language courses or meditation apps. “I really do think the phone used deliberately is one of the most wonderful things you have,” he says.

Researchers have found that taking smartphone photos and videos during an experience may decrease your ability to form memories of it. (Steved_np3/Getty Images)

I’ve tried to limit most of my smartphone usage to apps like Kindle, but the best solution has been to find offline alternatives to keep myself distracted. For example, I’ve been teaching myself new knitting and crochet techniques, because I can’t do either while holding my phone (though I do listen to podcasts and audiobooks). It also gives me a tactile way to measure the time I spend off my phone because the hours I cut off my screen time correlate to the number of rows I complete on a project. To limit my usage to specific apps, I rely on iOS Screen Time. It’s really easy to just tap “Ignore Limit,” however, so I also continue to depend on several of Moment’s features.

While several third-party screen time tracking app developers have recently found themselves under more scrutiny by Apple, Kendall says the launch of Screen Time hasn’t significantly impacted Moment’s business or sign ups. The launch of their Android version also opens up a significant new market (Android also enables Moment to add new features that aren’t possible on iOS, including only allowing access to certain apps during set times).

The short-term impact of iOS Screen Time has “been neutral, but I think in the long-term it’s really going to help,” Kendall says. “I think in the long-term it’s going to help with awareness. If I were to use a diet metaphor, I think Apple has built a terrific calorie counter and scale, but unfortunately they have not given people nutritional guidelines or a regimen. If you talk to any behavioral economist, not withstanding all that’s been said about the quantified self, numbers don’t really motivate people.”

Guilting also doesn’t work, at least not for the long-term, so Moment tries to take “a compassionate voice,” he adds. “That’s part of our brand and company and ethos. We don’t think we’ll be very helpful if people feel judged when we use our product. They need to feel cared for and supported, and know that the goal is not perfection, it’s gradual change.”

Many smartphone users are probably in my situation: alarmed by their screen time stats, unhappy about the time they waste, but also finding it hard to quit their devices. We don’t just use our smartphones to distract ourselves or get a quick dopamine rush with social media likes. We use it to manage our workload, keep in touch with friends, plan our days, read books, look up recipes, and find fun places to go. I’ve often thought about buying a Yondr bag or asking my husband to hide my phone from me, but I know that ultimately won’t help.

As cheesy as it sounds, the impetus for change must come from within. No amount of academic research, screen time apps, or analytics can make up for that.

One thing I tell myself is that unless developers find more ways to force us to change our behavior or another major paradigm shift occurs in mobile communications, my relationship with my smartphone will move in cycles. Sometimes I’ll be happy with my usage, then I’ll lapse, then I’ll take another Moment course or try another screen time app, and hopefully get back on track. In 2018, however, the conversation around screen time finally gained some desperately needed urgency (and in the meantime, I’ve actually completed some knitting projects instead of just thumbing my way through #knittersofinstagram).

We finally started taking screen time seriously in 2018 published first on https://timloewe.tumblr.com/

[fmservers]

We finally started taking screen time seriously in 2018

At the beginning of this year, I was using my iPhone to browse new titles on Amazon when I saw the cover of “How to Break Up With Your Phone” by Catherine Price. I downloaded it on Kindle because I genuinely wanted to reduce my smartphone use, but also because I thought it would be hilarious to read a book about breaking up with your smartphone on my smartphone (stupid, I know). Within a couple of chapters, however, I was motivated enough to download Moment, a screen time tracking app recommended by Price, and re-purchase the book in print.

Early in “How to Break Up With Your Phone,” Price invites her readers to take the Smartphone Compulsion Test, developed by David Greenfield, a psychiatry professor at the University of Connecticut who also founded the Center for Internet and Technology Addiction. The test has 15 questions, but I knew I was in trouble after answering the first five. Humbled by my very high score, which I am too embarrassed to disclose, I decided it was time to get serious about curtailing my smartphone usage.

Of the chapters in Price’s book, the one called “Putting the Dope in Dopamine” resonated with me the most. She writes that “phones and most apps are deliberately designed without ‘stopping cues’ to alert us when we’ve had enough—which is why it’s so easy to accidentally binge. On a certain level, we know that what we’re doing is making us feel gross. But instead of stopping, our brains decide the solution is to seek out more dopamine. We check our phones again. And again. And again.”

Gross was exactly how I felt. I bought my first iPhone in 2011 (and owned an iPod Touch before that). It was the first thing I looked at in the morning and the last thing I saw at night. I would claim it was because I wanted to check work stuff, but really I was on autopilot. Thinking about what I could have accomplished over the past eight years if I hadn’t been constantly attached to my smartphone made me feel queasy. I also wondered what it had done to my brain’s feedback loop. Just as sugar changes your palate, making you crave more and more sweets to feel sated, I was worried that the incremental doses of immediate gratification my phone doled out would diminish my ability to feel genuine joy and pleasure.

Price’s book was published in February, at the beginning of a year when it feels like tech companies finally started to treat excessive screen time as a liability (or at least do more than pay lip service to it). In addition to the introduction of Screen Time in iOS 12 and Android’s digital wellbeing tools, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube all launched new features that allow users to track time spent on their sites and apps.

Early this year, influential activist investors who hold Apple shares also called for the company to focus on how their devices impact kids. In a letter to Apple, hedge fund Jana Partners and California State Teachers’ Retirement System (CalSTRS) wrote “social media sites and applications for which the iPhone and iPad are a primary gateway are usually designed to be as addictive and time-consuming as possible, as many of their original creators have publicly acknowledged,” adding that “it is both unrealistic and a poor long-term business strategy to ask parents to fight this battle alone.”

The growing mound of research

Then in November, researchers at Penn State released an important new study that linked social media usage by adolescents to depression. Led by psychologist Melissa Hunt, the experimental study monitored 143 students with iPhones from the university for three weeks. The undergraduates were divided into two groups: one was instructed to limit their time on social media, including Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram, to just 10 minutes each app per day (their usage was confirmed by checking their phone’s iOS battery use screens). The other group continued using social media apps as they usually did. At the beginning of the study, a baseline was established with standard tests for depression, anxiety, social support and other issues, and each group continued to be assessed throughout the experiment.

The findings, published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, were striking. The researchers wrote that “the limited use group showed significant reductions in loneliness and depression over three weeks compared to the control group.”

Even the control group benefitted, despite not being given limits on their social media use. “Both groups showed significant decreases in anxiety and fear of missing out over baselines, suggesting a benefit of increased self-monitoring,” the study said. “Our findings strongly suggest that limiting social media use to approximately 30 minutes a day may lead to significant improvement in well-being.”

Other academic studies published this year added to the growing roster of evidence that smartphones and mobile apps can significantly harm your mental and physical wellbeing.

A group of researchers from Princeton, Dartmouth, the University of Texas at Austin, and Stanford published a study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology that found using smartphones to take photos and videos of an experience actually reduces the ability to form memories of it. Others warned against keeping smartphones in your bedroom or even on your desk while you work. Optical chemistry researchers at the University of Toledo found that blue light from digital devices can cause molecular changes in your retina, potentially speeding macular degeneration.

So over the past 12 months, I’ve certainly had plenty of motivation to reduce my screen time. In fact, every time I checked the news on my phone, there seemed to be yet another headline about the perils of smartphone use. I began using Moment to track my total screen time and how it was divided between apps. I took two of Moment’s in-app courses, “Phone Bootcamp” and “Bored and Brilliant.” I also used the app to set a daily time limit, turned on “tiny reminders,” or push notifications that tell you how much time you’ve spent on your phone so far throughout the day, and enabled the “Force Me Off When I’m Over” feature, which basically annoys you off your phone when you go over your daily allotment.

At first I managed to cut my screen time in half. I had thought some of the benefits, like a better attention span mentioned in Price’s book, were too good to be true. But I found my concentration really did improve significantly after just a week of limiting my smartphone use. I read more long-form articles, caught up on some TV shows, and finished knitting a sweater for my toddler. Most importantly, the nagging feeling I had at the end of each day about frittering all my time away diminished, and so I lived happily after, snug in the knowledge that I’m not squandering my life on memes, clickbait and makeup tutorials.

Just kidding.

Holding my iPod Touch in 2010, a year before I bought my first smartphone and back when I still had an attention span.

After a few weeks, my screen time started creeping up again. First I turned off Moment’s “Force Me Off” feature, because my apartment doesn’t have a landline and I needed to be able to check texts from my husband. I kept the tiny reminders, but those became easier and easier to ignore. But even as I mindlessly scrolled through Instagram or Reddit, I felt the existentialist dread of knowing that I was misusing the best years of my life. With all that at stake, why is limiting screen time so hard?

I wish I knew how to quit you, small device

I decided to talk to the CEO of Moment, Tim Kendall, for some insight. Founded in 2014 by UI designer and iOS developer Kevin Holesh, Moment recently launched an Android version, too. It’s one of the best known of a genre that includes Forest, Freedom, Space, Off the Grid, AntiSocial and App Detox, all dedicated to reducing screen time (or at least encouraging more mindful smartphone use).

Kendall told me that I’m not alone. Moment has 7 million users and “over the last four years, you can see that average usage goes up every year,” he says. By looking at overall data, Moment’s team can tell that its tools and courses do help people reduce their screen time, but that often it starts creeping up again. Combating that with new features is one of the company’s main goals for next year.

“We’re spending a lot of time investing in R&D to figure out how to help people who fall into that category. They did Phone Bootcamp, saw nice results, saw benefits, but they just weren’t able to figure out how to do it sustainably,” says Kendall. Moment already releases new courses regularly (recent topics have included sleep, attention span, and family time) and recently began offering them on a subscription basis.

“It’s habit formation and sustained behavior change that is really hard,” says Kendall, who previously held positions as president at Pinterest and Facebook’s director of monetization. But he’s optimistic. “It’s tractable. People can do it. I think the rewards are really significant. We aren’t stopping with the courses. We are exploring a lot of different ways to help people.”

As Jana Partners and CalSTRS noted in their letter, a particularly important issue is the impact of excessive smartphone use on the first generation of teenagers and young adults to have constant access to the devices. Kendall notes that suicide rates among teenagers have increased dramatically over the past two decades. Though research hasn’t explicitly linked time spent online to suicide, the link between screen time and depression has been noted many times already, as in the Penn State study.

But there is hope. Kendall says that the Moment Coach feature, which delivers short, daily exercises to reduce smartphone use, seems to be particularly effective among millennials, the generation most stereotypically associated with being pathologically attached to their phones. “It seems that 20- and 30-somethings have an easier time internalizing the coach and therefore reducing their usage than 40- and 50-somethings,” he says.

Kendall stresses that Moment does not see smartphone use as an all-or-nothing proposition. Instead, he believes that people should replace brain junk food, like social media apps, with things like online language courses or meditation apps. “I really do think the phone used deliberately is one of the most wonderful things you have,” he says.

Researchers have found that taking smartphone photos and videos during an experience may decrease your ability to form memories of it. (Steved_np3/Getty Images)

I’ve tried to limit most of my smartphone usage to apps like Kindle, but the best solution has been to find offline alternatives to keep myself distracted. For example, I’ve been teaching myself new knitting and crochet techniques, because I can’t do either while holding my phone (though I do listen to podcasts and audiobooks). It also gives me a tactile way to measure the time I spend off my phone because the hours I cut off my screen time correlate to the number of rows I complete on a project. To limit my usage to specific apps, I rely on iOS Screen Time. It’s really easy to just tap “Ignore Limit,” however, so I also continue to depend on several of Moment’s features.

While several third-party screen time tracking app developers have recently found themselves under more scrutiny by Apple, Kendall says the launch of Screen Time hasn’t significantly impacted Moment’s business or sign ups. The launch of their Android version also opens up a significant new market (Android also enables Moment to add new features that aren’t possible on iOS, including only allowing access to certain apps during set times).

The short-term impact of iOS Screen Time has “been neutral, but I think in the long-term it’s really going to help,” Kendall says. “I think in the long-term it’s going to help with awareness. If I were to use a diet metaphor, I think Apple has built a terrific calorie counter and scale, but unfortunately they have not given people nutritional guidelines or a regimen. If you talk to any behavioral economist, not withstanding all that’s been said about the quantified self, numbers don’t really motivate people.”

Guilting also doesn’t work, at least not for the long-term, so Moment tries to take “a compassionate voice,” he adds. “That’s part of our brand and company and ethos. We don’t think we’ll be very helpful if people feel judged when we use our product. They need to feel cared for and supported, and know that the goal is not perfection, it’s gradual change.”

Many smartphone users are probably in my situation: alarmed by their screen time stats, unhappy about the time they waste, but also finding it hard to quit their devices. We don’t just use our smartphones to distract ourselves or get a quick dopamine rush with social media likes. We use it to manage our workload, keep in touch with friends, plan our days, read books, look up recipes, and find fun places to go. I’ve often thought about buying a Yondr bag or asking my husband to hide my phone from me, but I know that ultimately won’t help.

As cheesy as it sounds, the impetus for change must come from within. No amount of academic research, screen time apps, or analytics can make up for that.

One thing I tell myself is that unless developers find more ways to force us to change our behavior or another major paradigm shift occurs in mobile communications, my relationship with my smartphone will move in cycles. Sometimes I’ll be happy with my usage, then I’ll lapse, then I’ll take another Moment course or try another screen time app, and hopefully get back on track. In 2018, however, the conversation around screen time finally gained some desperately needed urgency (and in the meantime, I’ve actually completed some knitting projects instead of just thumbing my way through #knittersofinstagram).

Via Catherine Shu https://techcrunch.com

[pamphletstoinspire]

Psalm 127 - Interpreted

Daily Plenary Indulgence

Per Vatican II, one of the ways to gain a daily plenary indulgence is to read Scripture for ½ hour per day. For Pamphlets to Inspire (PTI), the Scripture readings that inspire us the most are the Psalms. Reading the Psalms and understanding their meaning can sometimes be challenging. In an attempt to draw more individuals to not only read the Psalms, but to understand their meaning, PTI has found an analysis of their meaning by St. Cardinal Robert Bellarmine. The method that will be employed is to list the chapter and verse, and then provide an explanation of that verse. Your interest in this subject will determine how often we will chat about this topic. The Bible that will be used is the official Bible of the Catholic Church and used by the Vatican, that is, the Douay-Rheims or Latin Vulgate version.

The fear of God is the way to happiness.

1. Blessed are all they that fear the Lord: that walk in his ways.

1. “Blessed are all they that fear the Lord: that walk in his ways.” The Prophet teaches the exiles, on their return to their country, how they should conduct themselves, if they wish to avoid being made captives again, and to enjoy the blessings of Jerusalem forever. A very suitable instruction for the captives of this world, who want to get back to their country; as well as for those who are on their pilgrimage to the country above, and are in haste to get there. He then says, “Blessed are all they,” be they men or women, great or small, nobles or plebeians, learned or unlearned, in one word, all without exception; then alone will they be truly happy, that is, fortunate, contented, joyful, in the very best possible temper, a thing so much coveted by all, when they really fear God; that is, when they dread offending him, and, under the influence of such fear, never fall from God’s grace, which is the fountain of all good. Now, a sign of such fear is “to walk in his ways;” because such holy fear springs from love; and the Lord says, “if you love me, keep my commandments;” and again, “he that has my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me;” and again, “he that loveth me not keepth not my commandments.”

2. For thou shalt eat the labors of thy hands: blessed art thou, and it shall be well with thee.

2. “For thou shalt eat the labors of thy hands: blessed art thou, and it shall be well with thee.” Addressing the man who so fears God, he begins to enumerate his blessings. Your first blessing will be, “for thou shalt eat the labors of thy hands;” you will enjoy all the property you have acquired by your industry, by the labor of your hands. Here we should reflect that the Prophet does not make happiness to consist in great riches, but in such as has been acquired by the labor of one’s hands, and they are, generally speaking, moderate. Great riches either come by inheritance, or from plunder or usury, or some other bad source. St. Jerome quotes an old saying, and a true one, “the rich man is either a rogue or the heir of a rogue;” and in Psalm 36, we have, “better is a little to the just than the great riches of the wicked;” and again, in Psalm 143, “their storehouses full, flowing out of this into that. Their sheep fruitful in young, abounding in their goings forth. Their oxen fat. There is no breach of wall or passage, nor crying out in their streets. They have called the people happy that hath these things, but happy is that people whose God is the Lord.” Holy David then addresses not only the Jews, but all Christians, when he makes happiness to consist not in great riches, but in a sufficiency: the having wherewithal to live by one’s just labor and he censures two extremes – one, that of those who live on the others entirely; and the other, that of those who will not touch the labor of their hands, but, in a spirit of avarice, put it aside to increase their riches. They alone, then, are truly happy “who eat the labors of their hands.” It may happen, however, that some “will fear God,” and “walk in his ways,” may not be able to eat of the “labors of their hands,” and have to endure hunger and thirst, by reason of their having been despoiled, or defrauded of their labor; but that will not bar the promise made in this passage; for if God sometimes lets his friends down so low that they would be glad to satisfy the cravings of their hunger with the fragments that fall from the table of the rich, as was the case with Lazarus, he will certainly give them something better, far better, instead; and that is joy from tribulation, as the apostle has it, “you received with joy the plundering of your good;” and again, “I exceedingly abound with joy in all our tribulations;” and the meaning of this verse will be: “for thou shalt eat the labors of thy hands; Blessed art thou, and it shall be well with thee;” that is to say, you should now eat of the labor, you shall be refreshed by the joy consequent on labor and tribulation, but afterwards you shall be fattened by the fruit of said labor, by the reward in store for your good works; and “Blessed art thou” now and hope, “and it shall be well with thee” hereafter in the reality. This is peculiarly applicable to the pilgrims, who “rejoice in the tribulation” of want and difficulties; “for they know tribulation worketh patience, and patience trial, and trial hope, and hope confoundeth not, because the charity of God is poured out into our hearts.”

3. Thy wife as a fruitful vine on the sides of thy house. Thy children as olive plants round about thy table.

3. “Thy wife as a fruitful vine, on the sides of thy house. Thy children as olive plants, round about thy table.” The second blessing enjoyed by the man “that fears God and walks in his ways” consists in his having only one wife, should he ever marry; and, in marrying, that he will be influenced more by a desire of propagating the human race than by any sinful or unworthy desires, as the Angel admonished Tobias when he said, “thou shalt take the virgin with the fear of the Lord, moved rather for love of children than for lust;” and Tobias himself truly said, “and now, Lord, thou knowest that not for fleshy lust do I take my sister to wife, but only for the love of posterity.” He, therefore, says, “thy wife,” not thy wives not thy concubines, “as a fruitful vine,” with a large family, like a fruitful vine that sends out a number of branches, “on the sides of the house;” a domestic wife, that stays at home, looking after the business indoors, while her husband cares the business outside. This, to be sure, is a blessing to a certain extent; but to give us to understand that it is not so very great a blessing, God was pleased to withhold it from many of his most faithful and devoted friends in the married state, such as Abraham and Sara, Isaac and Rebecca, Zachary and Elizabeth; and he also inspired many with a resolution of observing holy virginity, such as it is credibly believed of the holy prophets Elias and Jeremias, and is well known of the Blessed Virgin, St. John the Baptist, St. Joseph, and hosts besides, who certainly would not have been deprived of the happiness had not virginity been a much superior gift. With that, though Saints who never married, or had no offspring, if they had no family in one sense they had in another, far and away beyond it. Christ, for instance, who is the head of all Saints, was never married, had no children in the flesh, yet he had the Church for his spouse, and children in the spirit, nearly innumerable. So with Abraham, who had only one child by Sara, and yet, by faith was made the father of many nations; for all the faithful are called “children of Abraham” by the apostle. And what is more wonderful, these holy men are not only the fathers, but they are even the mothers of those whom they have bought to the faith, or to penance; for they are their fathers by reason of their preaching to them by word and example, and they are their mothers by reason of their praying and sighing for them. The same apostle calls himself father when he says, “I write not these things to shame you, but I admonish you as my dearest children; for, if you have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet not many fathers. For in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the Gospel;” and he calls himself their mother in another place, when he says, “my little children, of whom I am in labor again.” – “Thy children as olive plants round about thy table.” The third blessing, the education of the children, is now introduced. They who fear God and walk in his ways, will not only have many children, but they will be well brought up and educated, because there will be taught, from their earliest infancy, to fear God and to walk in his ways. He, therefore, says, “thy children as olive plants, round about thy table.” They will be like the choicest shrubs, the olive plants, that are evergreens, and bear most valuable fruit, and not like briars, or brambles, or shrubs that bear no fruit, and they will be “round about thy table,” that, by beholding them all together, eating with them, and living with them, you may have the greater pleasure and enjoyment with them. This, too, applies to the children in the Spirit, whom the father feeds with the word of God; and when he sees how they progress is wonderfully delighted, and, with the apostle, says, “my joy and my crown; so stand fast in the Lord, my most dearly beloved.”

4. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord.

4. “Behold, thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord.”  No explanation given.

5. May the Lord bless thee out of Sion: and mayest thou see the good things of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.

5. “May the Lord bless thee out of Sion: and mayest thou see the good things of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.”  No explanation given.

6. And mayest thou see thy children’s children; peace upon Israel.

6. “And mayest thou see thy children’s children; peace upon Israel.” Blessing the fourth, through which the man who fears God will be joyful for the blessings conferred on himself in particular, and also for those conferred on the community in general; and he, therefore, adds, that he will be blessed by the Lord who dwells in Sion, that during his lifetime he will see all manner of good things abounding in Jerusalem, and will see his children’s children therein equally happy; and, finally, a lasting peace, that guards and protects everything, enjoyed by the people of Israel. In a spiritual sense, and in one more intended by the Holy Ghost, a happiness as far above the three last named, as the heavens are above the earth, and God above his creatures, is described; and a Prophet therefore, does not describe it by way of narration, but rather preaches and announces it to us, “behold,” he says, in addition to all I have said, “thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord,” for to him will be said, “may the Lord bless thee out of Sion;” may he bless you not only on earth, by bestowing all earthly blessings on you, but may he, furthermore, bless you from his holy mountain, from his highest dwelling place, and grant you “that thou mayest see the good things of Jerusalem all the days of thy life;” that you may see God, in whom are all the good things of Jerusalem, “all the days of thy life,” forever, unto ages of ages; for as the soul is immortal, as is the body, too, after the short sleep of death, when it will rise immortal, unquestionably the good things we see here are not seen all the days of our life, on the contrary they are only seen during a small portion of the days of our life, so that we may truly say, “the days of our life are few, and full of evil;” while we shall really see the good things of the heavenly Jerusalem all the days of our life, which will have no end, as will the wicked see the evil things of Babylon all the days of their everlasting death. We are not to be surprised at the Prophet having said, “mayest thou see,” instead of mayest thou possess the good things of Jerusalem, because the good things of the Jerusalem above are possessed by seeing them, as perfect happiness consists purely of the beatific vision as St. John, in his first Epistle says, “we shall be like to him,” most blessed and happy, and almost gods, “because we shall see him as he is.” Another addition to the happiness of the blessed in their country above, will consist in their beholding there “the children of their children;” that is, not only those who, through them, were born to God, but also the children of those children who, to the end of the world, shall have been brought to God, and will thus have cause of rejoicing for them all as if they belonged to themselves. To crown their happiness, they will see “peace upon Israel,” firm, lasting, and solid peace, inspiring the greatest confidence and security in all the inhabitants of the heavenly Jerusalem for all eternity; for they will see all their enemies laid perfectly prostrate under Christ’s footstool, that is, hurled down to the lowest depths, and bound there in chains for eternity, for “the earth is God’s footstool;” and all the wicked will lie shut up under it through everlasting ages.

End of Psalm 127