#one too many good sister stories in my readings to justify that to myself

[alphasobek]

So, I was looking through some old shit and got punched in the face

absolutely decked

Totally obliterated by nostalgia when I stumbled onto some old Starfire / Raven content.

I thought to myself: "This has to be a popular ship, Right? It couldn't have just been me. I know the girls both had other primary love interests but when has that ever stopped literally anyone, ever"

To my utter shock and dismay it seems it is somewhat niche pairing????? At least compared to other things I've looked up... Anyway: HOW???? WHY????

It has only been less than a week and I've already gone through almost every one of the 13 curated pages on AO3 - which yes, might be a bit clipped due to tag catering and the myriad of stories I chose to skip over due to specific content. Unless I'm missing something with the ship tag (because AO3 doesn't even seem to have a proper one for the pairing) then I'm already at the limit!

BUT I AM STILL NOT SATISFIED

I grew up with the 2003 show and never really ventured into the comics after the show got cancelled but the bits and pieces I've picked up from both the fiction and various googlings to help understand said fiction have only dug me further into this hole.

Basically:

WHY ARE THESE TAGS ALL BUT DEAD. STOP HAVING THEM BE DEAD!

I swear if I have to write my own goddamn stories I'm gonna scream! ....but I did start writing my own goddamn stories. I've gone and started writing them out of order so they wont be posted like "soon" but my heart, it hurts, please I need more of this stupid bullshit (affectionate)

[aprilmayverse]

mayverse dash simulator

💅 pinkprlncesses Follow

🧟‍♀️ samuraishattered Follow op this is an incredibly fucked up and insensitive way to post about this. six people are dead. four of them are literal children. imagine losing a loved one and people are fucking memeing about it with supernatural. grow up. learn some fucking respect for the dead. this isn't just some quirky little fandom story like sharpie bath or whatever. these are real kids who had hopes and dreams and families and loved ones and now they are dead.

💅 pinkprlncesses Follow was it ever really that deep

🦴 trudycryme Follow New video about June July and Dysnomia Badmann's murders on the way! Special surprise at the end so stay tuned ;) Sponsored by Tender Lender <3

🦴 trudycryme Follow No fucking way

🩰 blood-and-books Follow wait, has anyone noticed that the accomplice in the bluecorp case and that 13 year old who killed her gfs parents and 2 random boys are half-sisters??

🍭 mera-duras-left-eyebrow Follow WAIT AND THEIR OLDEST SISTER HAD LINKS W/ BLUECORP TOO WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN

🪷 helloroses Follow does anyone remember how fucked up april may's career was. i rewatched pint-sized princesses after the news got out about her execution and like i know it was the 90s but what the fuck was going on there. it feels like a crime to watch it

🪷 helloroses Follow it's the same with her modelling career, why was she, a teenage girl, doing so many photoshoots where she was barely clothed. why did ad campaigns need all this

🦢 evilwomanenjoyer Follow why are we defending june july in 2018. she killed people. she murdered people. you are the same people who defend joe darke and dahlia hawthorne and matt engarde and fucking redd white. she took lives. where am i.

🐜 what-is-a-username420 Follow please learn about nuance and use your brain

🦢 evilwomanenjoyer Follow nuance is for fictional characters like pious priestess or whoever the fuck. not for real life situations like this.

🐜 what-is-a-username420 Follow sometimes im like "the reading comprehension on this site isnt THAT bad" and then i read shit like "nuance is for fiction not for real life"

🦴 trudycryme Follow I am truly, truly sorry for attempting to film those teenagers corpses and for breaking into the victims childhood home in an attempt to interview his family 2 days after the murder, I understand why I was wrong and I'm going to try my best to refrain from doing stuff like that next time lol. To further this, I'm starting a new merch collection and donating 20% of profits to JAVCV (Japanifornian Association for Victims of Violent Crime), buy it before the sale ends on March 4th!

🧟‍♀️ samuraishattered Follow not to be harsh but i hope you die

🌈 godsstrongestfujo Follow i think april may was a genuinely a bad person like she was just this rich woman who both did the modelling campaign + assisted in the murder to get money from her sugar daddy. shes not as innocent as yall make her out to be she just has pretty privelege

🍁 diskhorse-divorce Follow 1. she was not rich. she, her single mother, and sister were homeless for years. she had to be a child star and teen model to provide for herself and her family. they lived in a trailer at some point 2. she was very obviously being threatened by white. the courts said it was a lie because of fucking misogyny and white's power over her. 3. even if she did do it out of her own free will she still got executed over a crime where the death penalty at age 23 was not justified. 4. why are you calling a thirteen year old a bad person for doing an ad campaign where she was being heavily sexualised and exploited and stolen from you fucking weirdo

🩰 angelfawns Follow april may was such a tragic girl and an icon and so beautiful omg. she looked SO good during the summer 2008 ad campaign for bluecorp too. hold on i need to change my pfp

🐦‍⬛ proud-edgelord Follow if my parents named me teylhoure i wouldve killed myself too

[pigeon-wizard]

I watched a playthough of the Teal Mask and to me, (right now at least, we'll see if that changes after The Indigo Disk) Kieran and Carmine seem a lot like undiagnosed neurodivergent kids who don't know how to put their situation into words.

I relate a lot to both of them in very different ways, there was a long while in late elementary (and would have been middle school if i went to one) where I didn't know how to expresses how I felt and ended up lashing out in various ways. Carmine is a lot older then i was when this was happening but i still see my own experiences in her. I switched very often from mature and stable seeming to mean and aggressive and would often seem both ways at the same time. i'd go from eloquent to bratty at a moments notice. I was a real dick in general and i don't think any of what i did was good or 'justified' (my understanding of that word is starting to slip), but i was doing all this because I fundamentally didn't understand myself and what was "wrong" with me.

Kieran is a different side of the same coin, and a little bit more straight forward. He's a shy kid with an interest that very few around him share. He really likes it when the player character takes an interest in the ogre and gets mad when Carmine doesn't let him in on the plan to help it. He also relates to the story of the oger and sympathizes with it when others don't. His anger when Ogerpon likes the player more then him is understandable to me, not good at all but understandable.

A lot of this leads to my reading that Kieran is autistic, and I feel a lot of my experiences as an autistic person myself in him. I haven't quite pinned down how i feel about Carmine and interpret her other then a vague sense of 'she has issues and should probably get some outside help'.

on top of all of this I think it's interesting to see how they interact with each other through this reading. I was an older sister and see a lot of my situation with my brother with them. I had too many mental issues to handle inside so i ended up pushing away my brother because i simply couldn't put any energy towards being a good sibling for him. Carmine is rude to Kieran and is often surprised when Kieran says anything to defend himself. Much like my situation with my brother I hope we see them figure out their issues and understand themselves and each other better. The ending of the Teal Mask left a lot of this open so i'm exited to how this ends.

[genericpuff]

I really can't wait to see how you write Demeter! Is she going to be the villain?

yaay it's a good day for asks! sorry because I'm about to go on ANOTHER HUGE TANGENT LMAO but I hope it answers your question thoroughly enough ! 😅 (and if it doesn't at all lmk LOL) Demeter's gonna be an interesting one. I think you already know the answer to this, but I really can't stand how she's villainized like some Mother Gothel archetype, especially when it comes to how Rachel portrays it, because everything Demeter thinks/does/says is honestly justified, try as Rachel might to make her seem like some insane overbearing 'evil' stepmother. Everything always comes back to "Demeter bad!" whereas reading her depiction of Persephone is like watching The Little Mermaid as an adult.

(it's very frustrating, to say the least LMAO)

Personally I'm gonna be going for what LO started with, but never followed up on - Demeter wants to see her daughter gain independence, but is fearful of her being taken advantage of and hurt the same way she, her "sisters", and her "mother" was (and yes, I have my own way of tackling the incest and familial labels in a way Rachel could have but didn't, I don't wanna reveal too much but it's very fun and I can't wait to explore it haha). All this is gonna affect how her relationship with her daughter plays out - it won't be exactly like the Hymn of Demeter, focusing solely on Demeter's grief, but it won't be exactly like LO either where it throws aside the purpose and messaging of the original myth entirely. All the gods are nuanced and morally problematic in their own way, and that includes Persephone and Hades.

Honestly, I think the reason why so many myth 'retellings' like LO end up being this Flanderized in their characterizations ("Demeter bad, Persephone good!" and "Zeus bad husband, Hades perfect husband!") is because there's so little material surrounding Persephone and Hades compared to all the others. While this can make it fun for having more freedom in re-interpretations, it unfortunately has the opposite effect as well where people tend to forgo the entire point of the original story so they can have some feel good cute story where Hades was some "soft" husband who did nothing wrong and Persephone was some "boss babe" icon with no nuance in between.

I see this type of fetishization of the original myth in a lot of these interpretations but especially Rachel's work. I'm not sure if "fandomification" is a word that can be used here, but I definitely get the feeling Rachel idolizes and fetishizes Greek myth the same way a lot of young Westerners often idolize and fetishize Japanese lore and content, or, more personally, Indigenous cultures (as I myself am Indigenous, specifically Mi'kmaq) - by reducing it down to its most "consumable" formats and turning it into something more 'palatable' and 'fandom-y' for modern audiences that almost comes across as pandering and demeaning to anyone looking for anything with more depth than a teaspoon (and especially to those who belong to the respective cultures being portrayed through this lens).

This isn't to say that creators have to stick to their lane when writing about other cultures or myths, but you can tell when someone hasn't done their research and is working from a very romanticized template they've built up in their heads. Rachel's, in this case, feels like it's definitely come from her time on Tumblr back in the day, when Hades x Persephone writing prompts were all the rage and people were coming up with all sorts of feel good AU content. The thing with AU prompts like that though is they're just that - prompts, memes, mere thought experiments or hypotheticals, not something that can necessarily work as an actual serious long form story unless you know what you're doing. I think creators who want to go so far as to 're-interpret' these stories through their own lens have a huge responsibility to still recognize and treat the original source material with some semblance of respect. In this regard, LO in its current state really should have stayed as a slice-of-life type series if it wanted to keep things light.

And I'm saying this entirely as someone who grew up on weeb content in the freaking West and got more into Greek myth because of LO. That's why I don't entirely chastise it, fandom-y type stories like LO can definitely help introduce people to cultures and stories they wouldn't have batted an eye at before (as I've started to detest LO over the last year, it's made for even better learning because I've had to research the original myths just to see how Rachel is misfiring on them entirely LMAO) but there comes the added responsibility of making sure you're not erasing or reducing the original material in favor of the silly cutesy stuff. It's an entry point, not the entire course! And that's a responsibility that falls both on the audience and the content's creator, IMO.

Yay, more text dumps! Sorry if a lot of that seems weirdly gatekeepy, it's def not what I'm trying to get across, just trying to voice my own frustrations with the depiction of LO's characters as best I can, I feel like a lot of it comes down to Rachel just not having done proper research and relying solely on tropes and self-fulfilling fantasies. If LO stayed as a slice-of-life thing that would have been fine, there's definitely a place for that sort of feel-good goofy storytelling, but by trying to be super ultra serious, it's tripped over its own feet because that's just not what Rachel is capable of depicting at this moment. She's trying to write a super serious story, but doesn't come across as if she actually takes it seriously by extension and it shows.

TL ; DR: Basically, we're gonna actually hone in on Demeter's trauma from the Titanomachy and how it affects her parenting style and 'controlling' tendencies, not only of Persephone, but of the community of nymphs she's fostered over the years. It's not about whether Demeter is the hero or the villain, because that would be missing the point entirely - it's about her role and experiences as a mother and leader of her community, a woman in a struggling position of power among a patriarchal system, and a mother who lost her child to that same patriarchal system, whether by choice or through forced marriage. No matter how one wishes to tell it, whether it's in tragedy or celebration, you can't have the story of Persephone and Hades without Demeter. That is the core of what I want to focus on and bring back to the retellings of Hades and Persephone.

[shadowwolf146]

For someone who went to school to be a journalist I sure fucking suck at following through.

So my mom's asked me idk how many fucking times the last few weeks to cut my sister's nails. (She can't do it herself cause shes disabled.) And I didn't. I forgot or I remembered late at night when she was asleep (neither of those are good excuses for me since I dont have anything that makes remembering shit hard) and to cut a long lecture/yell short I fucked up. My sis scratched herself up in her sleep and she scratched mom too, both could've been prevented by me doing the one thing I was asked to do. Problem is that my sister's caseworker people are allowed random inspections whenever so if they show up and my sis is all scratched up they leap to conclusions and take her away to a home somewhere where they'll scoop out her organs or steal her kidneys for other patients or r*pe her or other awful stuff I've been told. So then I got yelled at, (justifiably) because yeah that's fair (and I'm an idiot) and I really do hate myself cause I'm falling back into old habits of not following through or procrastinating when i know i shouldn't and it ALWAYS bites me in the ass. And then I end up doing it again and here we are. Long and short of it is I'm venting, I'm being a idiot who doesn't like criticism and I'm being a little bitch baby about it and hoping this will help me get it out of my system so I can...fuck idk, not do it again? Either way that sucked and I'm fucking being stupid and self depreciating and all that even tho I KNOW it doesn't help. I got nothing, just wanted to vent and didn't wanna tell my friends cause they'd just only have my side of the story to go on and thats not fair to my mom. All this to say that although she didn't intend to, momma did indeed raise a weak lil bitch. It's me. This isn't helping me FIX anything and Mom already clipped my sister's nails and screamed at me (again, fair this is my fault) so it's kinda over and I just gotta sit with it. I guess. How does ANYBODY DO THIS SHIT? Like genuinely. HOW? It feels like I'm always fucking something up and then I don't really know what to when I get called out and I just-DAMNIT. (So yeah I wanna be dead lmao)

Anyway nobody will probably read this and that's cool just getting my stupid shit out somewhere I guess. I don't deserve any pity for it either cause it's my fault and it's just my brain eating itself and shitting out bullshit I guess. So yeah.

[serenemy]

panopticon as fuck

as a witch she was supposed to be outside the globe looking in. through a series of events best phrased contemporaneously as “playing herself” it had turned out otherwise

but like whyy tho??

why would anyone read a Book that doesn’t spark their magic? why would anyone pay this much attention to a character they actively dislike and engage in complicated ruses to have removed from the stories?

it pains me to acknowledge this could be some form of magic. new corrupt spells from the bad wizard? [any gender can be a witch whether good or bad. but not this person. wizard is synonymous in every way except it isn’t derived from the native tongue of the vvitche, an honor, she had pettily decided, too painful to bestow] lingering remnants of his old ones? or was there another bad wizard in the midst? or some weird wild juju of indeterminate origin and moral appropriateness?

idk

i just know it makes me uncomfortable. i’ve felt its hostile presence everywhere for like two human years. its existence made no logical sense and i used my thusly discredited sense of it to undermine me on other things in dangerous ways. the magic’s been wrong across realms for awhile

magic works both ways with a Book of Shadows. theoretically a powerful enough interaction between pages and a hostile reader could leave even a completed works altered, perhaps irreparably so, and i’m not sure i should go on

perhaps the Board has a point

here is where she is a liar because while she might not have been the only source of dangerous magic—there was at least one corrupt wizard in the region, she had mistaken to great effect for a mundane—in her secret heart of hearts she had known for a long time, maybe all along

she started it

at a minimum, she opened the door

she tried to eat and have two cakes

every propagandist in human history knows you can tell a story and manifest a thing that didn’t previously exist. in a Book of Shadows a story can weave a spell. and she was not solely a witch. she was many other things and one of them was storyteller

of course the risk would be there, in her Book, even if she told herself you’re only writing down the honorable parts and keeping the rest inside in your soul

it is the soul from whence all springs, little mouse

here is the other part where she is a liar

she knew she wasn’t really going to maybe quit either. it was different than expected, less morally pristine, more reckless. but there was still beauty and powerful good in the pages

not all the secret watchers had stained it with malevolence. some touched the works with beneficial magic so lovely it alone justified continued existence in the present form

and the muse was the right one. one she’d learned in bittersweetly painful ways to trust

and the songs still felt true and right and beautiful

as the “writer,” if she existed, it wasn’t so much surprising—

she could argue there should have been warning. the content wasn’t ready. you still as of now haven’t seen the [*BENIGN and] creative place this is going [she was like grrm. but the content was still alive. there was time]

*yinze know i use content warnings. some people love a tragic story. some feel bait and switched when they get their hearts broken by a story they loved. i write both but i don’t trick people. to me that’s a shitty click baity and unnecessary way to get readers

we don’t do jump scares here. one of my central theses as an author is that compelling, exciting fiction, with high stakes, can in any genre including smut be created around moral characters who treat each other in morally sensitive ways and via moral stories that treat their audiences morally. these stories exist, they’re gorgeous, and since i didn’t find as many as i wanted, i started making my own

i’ve broken so may “i swear i’ll nevers” along the way

i’ll swear i’ll never write anything with sex shaming language [guy character calls his sister a whore, a word i promised myself i’d never replicate in any form]

i swear i’ll never write a rape scene. it’s not the worst thing that can befall a woman. for most women, if they really thought about it, it wouldn’t be as close to the top as they expected

so can we get some other storylines?? a lot of survivors have been encountering that one their entire lives and the scenes are really really unpleasant. plus while a lot of the fiction comes from women, the idea that this is the worst thing that can befall a woman is a cultural construct originating entirely with men

the other thing is they almost always treat the event itself as the trauma. i’m not familiar with a single example pre Unbelievable that understood sometimes the worse trauma is the reaction of others. [wrote a rape scene in a romance novel. i think ‘wind river’ is powerful art the existence of which improves the world. because it showed something impossible to tell. mattress girl’s “porno” does the same and should exist for the same reasons]

i swear i’ll never write a revenge story. i just couldn’t conceive being interested. still haven’t watched old boy eg. if morality is your guiding star, it answers every question about how to respond when someone wrongs you. to the extent the genre intends to differ from a “justice” story any “revenge” story i could love would definitionally have to be the former [might have written one. turns out i have a more complicated relationship with those themes than i thought. sometimes the hero’s cause is just but the nature of the remedy demanded by the context of the storylines opens the door for hatred and anger to influence proportionality in morally culpable ways

in my novel i weighed that. the villain received notice. my hero went no further than remedy demanded. if it seemed otherwise the flaw was in the author’s storytelling, not the character’s choices]

it’d be intellectually dishonest to deny i could fail more i swear i’ll nevers in the future. what i can say is two things:

1. i have no such works in progress, in mind, or alive in my head at this time and can’t foresee that changing anytime in the foreseeable future

2. if you haven’t encountered multiple content warnings (as my villain did) you’re not going to get ambushed with content

—as it is unexpected

i’m not sure it’s a good place for an author to be mental health wise to court a cult following of hate readers for a project so experimental they can see the words *of a Book of Shadows no less* being written—and deleted—in real time

can potentially alter its course with their attention

the presence of the observer changes things—in science and in fiction

[there was a reason she’d been telling the truth when she told that prelator she only sought or wanted a few acolytes who were perfect fits for the material. she really didn’t like to lie, even to someone who wouldn’t remember. wait. wrong “character.” nvm, all fiction lies]

but i don’t know. there might be something here

something lovely and worth telling. something sufficiently moral to justify its existence

[sometimes so do all truths]

[1d1195]

I’m glad I was able to help in any way. 💖 I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned you to my fiancé before. lol I was like deep in my phone and he teased me about reading Harry Styles fan fiction and I rolled my eyes at his stupid joke. But then I just went on and was like, “Honestly I’m not sure if I’m still into Harry Styles or how Sam writes him. I’m in it for the stories. I forget it’s about him until I see his last name. She’s so great. We’re so alike. I hope she writes an actual novel.”

Yeah it seems that everyone else is sad about my dad except for me. You know like I’m gonna be 30 in two years and I just can’t bring the same garbage from my teens and 20s into a new decade. I kept thinking about his speech that he’d give and how whatever he would say would be bs because we don’t have a relationship. He doesn’t know me at all. Or my fiancé. He’d already started flaunting my upcoming nuptials like a show pony. I just want to be able to look back on my wedding pictures and know I was truly happy that day and I wasn’t faking it.

Im not sure where it came from but I’m really not afraid to disappoint people anymore. Especially when it’s just me not doing they want me to do. Ya know?

as for my wedding. It’s looking like a small backyard wedding at my in-laws. I’m very blessed to have a close relationship with my fiancé’s parents. But I think we might elope and do a proper wedding in a few years. Right now I just can’t justify the cost cuz there’s so many other places I’d like to put money in before a wedding. And neither one of us have that fire to plan one. I see these brides who just are so go go go about it and I feel weird that I don’t have that. (You can imagine my surprise while reading this latest Zipper extra and how their nuptials have turned out. I cackled.) Thank goodness my fiancé feels the same. So hopefully we make a decision soon.

I had missed writing so much but it’s nice to have some creativity back in my life. I got inspired by reading your stuff so much.

I adore you, too 💖! -🐱

YOU TOLD YOUR FIANCÉ ABOUT ME 😭😭😭

I’ve ALWAYS wanted to write a novel. Since I’ve been writing on here, I would REALLY like to turn Traditional into a book hehehe I would obvs change names and background info and then probs add additional descriptions and whatnot but that would be my ideal world lol

I’m so happy for you! That’s extremely exciting you feel that way, and i don’t want to put words in your mouth but i remember you telling me you worried about bothering me by messaging multiple times in one day and i know it’s not the same as feeling disappointed but im SO glad you don’t think about what other people think of you. It’s very freeing! (Hopefully I’ll get better about it myself) but I’m so happy for you 💕💕

A backyard wedding is my IDEAL wedding. Our families just know too many people and we don’t have big backyards in our families hehehe that sounds amazing! Totally get the $$$$ vibe. Just watched my sister drop $30k+ on her wedding. Insane stuff. I’m glad you have a good relationship with your fiancé’s family. That’s so so sweet!

I INSPIRED YOU IM SOBBING 😭😭😭😭😭

Thank you so much for sharing all this with me, it makes me so happy and I’m SO glad you’re part of my life! 💕

Xoxo

[octaviasdread]

any girls! dark academia movie recs? i really struggle to find anything not about a group of boys (as much as I love them)

SO MANY!!! This is probably a far more detailed answer than you were expecting but this is a popular question and I want to keep a list for myself and others.

Feel free to add to it/give opinions. I've tried to give a tw for anything I can remember

Girls! Dark Academia Movies/TV Shows

Mona Lisa Smile (2003)

1950s Women’s college

Art professor! Julia Roberts

She’s legit the female Mr Keating of the art & college world

Feminism vs. Tradition

Maggie Gyllenhall x Ginnifer Goodwin; their characters were more than friends. Fight me.

Does not end how you expect

Strike!/All I Wanna Do/The Hairy Bird (1998)

MY FAVOURITE!!!

Free on YouTube under one of its various names

Comedy

1960s all girls boarding school

Young Kirsten Dunst

Group of girls plot to sabotage a merger with a boys school less prestigious than their own

Secret attic clubhouse meetings of the D.A.R aka Daughters of the American Ravioli (eaten cold, ew)

girls get political & advocate for their rights using ANY elaborate and chaotic scheme

TW: eating disorder, vomiting & creepy male teacher but the girls plot against him too

The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (1969)

based on a short book I read for uni by Muriel Spark

1930s girls school in Edinburgh

Scottish teacher! Maggie Smith, controversial with a focus on romantic ideals

Spoiler alert, the liberal teacher is actually a fascist

Her group of fave students has cult- vibes and it’s fascinating

Picnic at Hanging Rock

1970s movie or 2018 mini series

Never watched either but I plan to

Wild Child (2008)

00s romcom every UK teen girl loves

Emma Roberts as the spoiled rich American teenager sent to a strict English boarding school

Plots to get herself expelled but oh no she’s making friends with the girls who help her

And the headmistress has a hot son, and he’s nice??? Double oh no

ICONIC SCENES

Everything! Goes! Wrong!

omg she burns the school down

Feel good, comfort, nostalgia

St Trinians (2007)

English girls boarding school

The kids are all criminals, no joke

So are the teachers

CHAOTIC

gay awakening for british girls

Art heist pulled off by school girls

Government tries to shut them down but oh no, the education minister & the headmistress are ex-lovers

Colin Firth x Rupert Everett in drag

Superior cast: Jodie Whittaker, Gemma Arterton, Juno Temple, Stephen Fry, Colin Firth, etc...

embodies the phrase 'problematic fave'

St Trinians 2: The Legend of Fritton’s Gold (2009)

Mystery, pirate ancestors, hidden treasure

omg Shakespeare was a woman

girls disguised as boys to infiltrate and rob the posh boys school

Villain! David Tennant in that ICONIC boat scene

Teen girls vs. ancient misogynist brotherhood

like the first film but MORE chaotic and BETTER!???

The Falling (2014)

1960s all girls school

best friends! but its unrequited love

Agoraphobic + distant mother aka mommy issues

Sudden death and the school suppresses/ignores the students grief, sparking mass hysteria & a fainting epidemic in the girls

Cast: Maisie Williams (GoT) & Florence Pugh (Little Women) & Joe Cole (Peaky Blinders)

TW: teen pregnancy, death, vomiting, underage s*x, sibling inc*st, past s*xual assault

READ THE PLOT SUMMARY FIRST

The Book Thief (2013)

Based on an amazing book by Markus Zusak

set in 1940s Nazi Germany

Daughter of a communist whose family were taken by the Nazis/died is fostered by an older couple who teach her to read & she paints a dictionary on the basement walls

Coming of age story about a compulsive book thief. No joke, this kid steals books from banned book burnings and breaks into the mayor's library through the window

Family hides the Jewish son of an old friend in their basement and he helps her to start writing about her experiences in the war

TW: death, bombings, WW2 anti-semitism

Mary Shelley (2017)

Overall good & roughly biographical

Pretty costumes and aesthetic

Modern feminist take on Mary Shelly in her own time period

So many INACCURACIES for the drama so don’t take it as truth

Percy Shelley slander and not all of it is justified

Cast: Elle Fanning, Douglas Booth, and Maisie Williams

The Secret Garden (1993)

Based on a fave childhood book

1901 colonial India & Yorkshire, England

Orphaned, spoilt & neglected girl sent to live with her reclusive Uncle in the English countryside

Gothic elements, mysteries, secret doors/passages/locked gardens

local boy with a flock of animals, magic, kids chanting around a fire and all around immaculate vibes

Happy ending!!!

Hidden Figures (2016)

African-American women as mathematicians for NASA

1960s space project

Women balancing a career and family obligations

Deals with racial & gender discrimination

Loosely based on the lives of Katherine Johnson, Mary Jackson, and Dorothy Vaughan who worked for NASA as engineers & mathematicians

Anne of Green Gables (1985) & sequel (1987)

Adaptation L.M. Montgomery’s ‘Anne of Green Gables’ books

Canada (late 1890s/early 1900s)

Highly imaginative & bookworm orphan is adopted by a reclusive elderly brother and sister duo

Small town & school years comedic drama

Unrequited Enemies -> Friends -> lovers

Inspiring new woman teacher

Girls re-enact Tennyson’s poem and nearly drown for the aesthetic™

Dramatic poetry reading with INTENSE 👀eye contact👀

Writer! Anne & English teacher! Anne dealing with unruly girls school antics

Collette (2018)

biographical drama on french writer Sidonie-Gabrielle Collette

Victorian & Edwardian era France

More talented than her husband so she ghostwrites for him

Fight for creative ownership of her wildly successful novels

Affairs with a woman called Georgie and also with Missy, born female but masculine presenting

Cast: Keira Knightly, Dominic West, Eleanor Tomlinson (Poldark)

Enola Holmes (2020)

Netflix book adaptation

Younger sister of Sherlock Holmes

Victorian era! feminism/suffragettes

Mother-daughter focus

Mystery, adventure, secret codes, teens running away & escaping from (and eventually fighting) assassins

Cast: Helena Bonham Carter, Henry Cavill, Sam Claflin, Fiona Shaw, Millie Bobby Brown

Ginger & Rosa (2012)

1960s England

best friends since literal birth navigating troubled teen years

poet & anti-nuclear activist! Ginger

off the rails but also catholic! Rosa

Shout out to Mark & Mark the gay godfathers we all want

family troubles 

TW: older man has an affair with a 17 yr old

Testament of Youth (2014)

based on WW1 memoir by Vera Brittain

young woman (writer & poetry lover) escapes traditional family & goes to study at Oxford University

abandons to become a war nurse

romance, tragedy and war trauma

Cast: Alicia Vikander, Kit Harrington (GoT), Taron Edgerton (Rocketman), Colin Morgan (Merlin)

Little Women (2019)

Writer! Jo & Artist! Amy

Mother/daughter focus and sister dynamics

the March sisters’ theatre club is *chefs kiss*

champagne problems edits of Jo x Laurie are a mood

Ambivalent ending perfectly captures Louisa May Alcott’s dilemma with the book the movie is based on

set in 1860s America

ALL STAR CAST and a Greta Gerwig masterpeice

Lady Bird (2017)

coming of age in early 2002/2003 Sacramento, California

all girls catholic school

writer! Christine aka Lady Bird wants to get outta town and start her life again at college 'in a city with culture'

Mother/daughter dynamics - so realistic!

I live for that Jesus car stunt & the nun's reaction

school theatre program

Cast: Saoirse Ronan, Timothee Chalamet, Beanie Feldstein

Another Greta Gerwig gem

Beguiled (2017)

Virginia, civil war era

Girls school with only five students and two teachers left

Find an injured Union army soldier & bring him inside

Women & teenagers want his attention (v. problematic) before uniting against him

(tbh you'll either love it, hate it, or watch once & forget it)

Sofia Coppola film so its very feminine gaze

TW: violence, death, underage

Legally Blonde (2001)

No questions will be taken

Elle Woods was the blue print

TV series:

House of Anubis (2011-2013)

I know it’s a kids/young teen show but I still unironically love it

ANCIENT EGYPT!!!!

Modern day with Victorian era links to treasure hunters & Egyptian research expeditions (stealing from tombs)

Chosen one plot lines, curses, kidnapping, mysteries, secret tunnels under the school, elixir of life

Teens have investigate & protect themselves cus oh no the TEACHERS are involved in some shady stuff

new American kid at British boarding school is the actual premise not just a fanfic au

Nostalgic, light-hearted, funny, and kinda cheesy but I will accept no criticism

The Alienist (2018 -now)

Mid 1890s, New York

Woman’s private detective agency (Season 2)

Serial killer mystery

Woman secretary turns detective and teams up with a criminal psychiatrist and a newspaper editor to solve crime

TW: violence, child pr*stit*tion

Cast: Dakota Fanning, Luke Evans, Daniel Bruhl

The Queen’s Gambit (2020)

Woman chess prodigy

1950s & 1960s

TW: drug & alcohol abuse

Gentleman Jack (2019 - now)

Based on the diaries of Anne Lister

Victorian Yorkshire, England

Upper-class lesbians

Confident, suit wearing! Anne Lister x shy! Ann Walker

Business woman! Anne running the family mines

Cast: Suranne Jones (Doctor Foster) & Sophie Rundle (Peaky Blinders)

TW: violence

Gilmore Girls (2000-2007)

bubbly/ambitious single mom + intelligent daughter

bookworm! Rory Gilmore gets into a prestigious private school and then an Ivy League college

Small town drama is comedic gold

Fast dialogue packed with pop culture and literary references

Comforting & nostalgic

TEAM JESS

Anne with an E (2017-2019)

Loose adaptation of L.M. Montgomery’s ‘Anne of Green Gables’ books

they completely change the plot lines but it’s still very good content!

Orphan girl with trauma and a love of books/poetry is adopted by an elderly brother & sister duo, bringing light and fresh ideas to a rural community

Feminism, girls writing club, lgbtq safe spaces, girls eduction, black/indigenous representation

Miss Stacy as THAT inspiring teacher

Aunt Josephine’s lavish gay parties have my heart

TW: creepy male teacher tries to marry a student, racial discrimination, indigenous assimilation school

Victoria (2016-2019)

Adaption of Queen Victoria’s life

Victoria navigating her political, royal, and personal life

Albert’s involvement with The Great Exhibition, 1851 (on cultural + industrial innovations)

Alfred Paget x Edward Drummond is exquisite

Gorgeous costumes and aesthetics

TW: bury your gays trope

Derry Girls (2018-now)

1990s Northern Ireland during the troubles

Comedy, episodes 20-25 mins long

English boy sent to an all girls Catholic school with his cousin

✨Dead Poets Society parody episode ✨with a free-spirited female teacher

Sister Michael, the sarcastic nun who hates her job & reads the exorcist for giggles

Wee anxious lesbian! Clare Devlin (plus her friends wearing rainbow pins)

Badass with bad ideas! Michelle Mallon

Main Character! Erin Quinn

Lovable weirdo who would fight a polar bear! Orla McCool

Wee English fella & honorary Derry girl! James Maguire

Dickinson (2019-now)

Loose adaption of the poet Emily Dickinson’s life

Set in 19th century Massachusetts, US

Historical drama with modern dialogue & music that works SEAMLESSLY

gives a great understanding of Emily Dickinson’s poems

💕Vintage gays! Emily x Sue💕

Theatre club, writing, poetry, dressing as men to sneak into lectures, love letters, teen drama, feminism, and an underground abolitionist journal as a brief side plot in season 2

Wiz Khalifa plays death in a horse drawn carriage

TW: opium use

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017-2019)

Based on great childhood books

Bookworm! brother, Inventor! sister, and baby sister with sharp teeth

Mystery, secret organisations, orphaned siblings figuring things out & fending for themselves against the villain after their fortune

Adults either cartoon evil, comedically incompetent, or SPIES

Boarding school, library owner, scientific researcher, and theatre episodes

Ambiguous time period which is really fun to try and pin point

Killing Eve (2018-now)

Classic detective who has homoerotic tension with the assassin she is tracking down

British Detective! Eve Polastri figures out the notorious assassin MI5 are investigating is a woman, is fired & then put on a secret MI6 case with a small team

Assassin! Villanelle, a psychopath with a tragic past and a mastery of both accents & fashion

Woman MI6 boss! Carolyn Martens, head of Russian section

Travel Europe following Villanelle’s killings and escaping the assassins sent by Villanelle’s organisation

‘You’re supposed to be my enemy and moral opposite but omg you’re the only one smart enough to get me and why am I obsessed with you????'

🚨 GO IN FOR A KISS AND THEN STAB YOUR ENEMY 🚨

Cable Girls/Las chicas del cable (2017-2020)

Spanish drama set in 1920s Madrid

Four young women at a telecommunications company form a group of friends and help navigate the difficult situations they are all in

Secret identities, dangerous pasts, murder, crime, lgbtq couple & throuple, trans man character, feminism/suffragists

girls commit crimes for humanitarian reasons and cover! it! up!

UNDERRATED SHOW!!!!

Gorgeous costumes and set

Haven’t finished it yet and I’m catching up

TW: abuse, violence, death

Outlander (2014 - now)

haven’t watched yet but plan to

Woman time travels to Scotland, 1743

Rebel highlanders, pirates, British colonies, American revolutionary war

Time jumps between 18th & 20th century

[screamingatanemptyroom]

Please Fix the Story pt 22 - Sci Fi

New part is here! Just a few more in this world. Just realized that it's been about 1 year since I've started this story. Wow.

Masterpost linked here.

Enjoy!

____________________________

The school was greatly relieved to hear that I had made a Connection and was no longer a danger to myself and others. They immediately rescinded my suspension and "encouraged" me to resume training with my new partner as soon as possible. I found the quick 180 amusing, but didn't argue.

It took multiple video calls with Alaira’s father to reassure him that everything was okay, and a few more to prevent him from throwing a parade for Liam to thank him for matching his daughter. His tears of joy at the news was a complicated moment for me.

I had felt a deep sense of joy, but it was an emotion that didn’t belong to me... it belonged to Alaira. Watching him celebrate his daughter’s recovery felt hypocritical, knowing that in the world that I hadn’t taken over, his daughter hadn’t had a good end. She had died alone and afraid, her mind fragmented.

But there was no way to tell him that.

The mission completion status on my communication device had risen quickly from 1% to 42%. Liam and I spent every waking moment together, talking, joking, and learning about each other. We practiced making the connection with the Mech, powering and controlling it now a smooth, painless process. It was natural, coming as easily to me as breathing. Working with him felt less like learning with a new partner as gaining back a missing part of me.

I was happy.

But not everyone was glad to hear we had matched.

Shortly after our match was made public, Liam and I were walking down the hallway after class, and were forced to stop by a young, angry woman blocking our path.

“It’s a lie!” Princess Ilene glared at Liam as she faced us down. “William can’t be a real Connector! He’s always been just a useless waste. He's a stain on the royal family!”

Liam seemed unfazed by his sister’s cruel words, as if he were used to it. The lack of reaction and the implications behind it made me even angrier. I stepped forward, hiding him partly behind me, and smiled pleasantly. My expression and pleasant tone obviously confused the princess, who took a step back.

“Ilene, Ilene, there’s just so much wrong with what you said… I don’t even know where to begin!” I shrugged. “ But, correcting idiocy IS my calling in life, so let me give it a shot:”

Ilene’s face was red with rage, but I ignored her incoherent sputtering, holding up a finger.

“First, Liam is capable of making the connection. He just had a strong barrier. Obviously it isn't impossible, or he and I wouldn’t be matched. “ I held up a second finger. “Secondly, and more importantly: even if he COULDN’T make the connection, he still wouldn’t be useless. He’s a kind, wonderful person, and that’s more than you can say about most Guardians or Connectors… present company included.”

“ How dare…” Princess Ilene took a step back. “What are you trying to say?”

I blinked, shocked “Oh, was I not being obvious enough? I don’t like you. I think Liam is a much better human being than you, and find it pitiful that you try to derive your self worth from putting him down.”

Liam stepped forward, grabbing my hand. “It’s ok…”

“No, its not. You don’t deserve for people to call you trash.” I felt emotional, as if something deep inside me was trying to break free.

“It’s always been like this.” He shrugged, “I’m used to being alone.”

____________________________

“Friends, family?”

The man in front of me was smiling at my question, but the expression was so sad it made me want to cry.

“None.” He twisted his hands in his lap, looking away. “I’m supposed to be alone.”

“Why?”

“Supposedly that’s my fate.”

____________________________

“You are not trash.” I tightened my grip on Liam’s hand. “ and you’re not alone anymore.”

“I know.” He smiled, “Thanks.”

Princess Ilene spoke up, obviously tired of being ignored. “How dare you trample on Chris’s kindness and reject him for this tr…” She started to say the word “trash” but seeing my face, nervously trailed off and started again. “You don’t even know if you two have a high enough resonance match to ward off your mental degradation…!”

“We do. It’s gone.”

She paused, thrown by my matter of fact tone. “… But what if you’re a higher match with Chris…”

“Don’t care. I hate him.”

“… But…”

“You do bring up a good point, though.” I turned to Liam. “We should see what our resonance match rate is.”

He looked nervous. “What if it isn’t very high?”

“Doesn’t matter. We’re already partners. I’m just curious.” I grinned. “Plus, I’m pretty sure it’s really high, and I’d love to use that to shut people up.”

He chuckled at that. “If it means that much to you to rub it into people’s faces...”

“It does.”

We walked towards the match center, leaving Princess Ilene stunned into silence behind.

____________________________

Liam got more anxious the closer we got to the match center. “You promise you won’t break our partnership if our match score is low?”

“You know I wouldn’t do that.” I didn’t feel insulted at his questioning. I could feel his insecurity, the need for me to say out loud what he thought he knew. “Low or high, we’re partners. You’re stuck with me.”

“Good.” He sighed, grinning. “I like being stuck with you.”

Finally, we were facing the machine that had failed us both so many times. Irrationally, I felt a little nervous, the many prior failures of the past few weeks too fresh and painful to completely forget.

Liam stepped away from me, reaching out and placed his hands on the panel first.

“Unrecognized tester. Please let down your mental barrier to proceed with Match testing.”

I rubbed my forehead tiredly as the robotic rejection echoed loudly around the room; “I forgot your barrier is still around since it doesn’t effect me anymore.”

“Honestly, I had forgotten too.” He responded with a happy smile.

A crowd was starting to gather, curious at our actions. As more and more people realized what we were doing, I began hearing the whispering between them.

“Didn’t she go crazy?”

“...thought she couldn’t match?”

“He has a barrier? ...never could match.”

“I heard they already formed a connection.”

“Heard her dad is a general, spread the rumor of her matching so she wouldn’t get kicked out.”

“Isn’t she matched up with Chris?”

“Why are they here?”

I grabbed Liam’s hand again, feeling relieved when I felt his warm skin against my own. “Don’t listen to them.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” He stared straight at me, ignoring the hostile words and gazes of the crowd. “You’re beside me, and that’s all that matters.”

I squeezed his hand in my own. A strong desire welled up within me to be worthy of the trust he gave me. I wanted to show everyone what Liam could do, the bond we had... but of course it couldn't be too easy.

“We just have to figure out how to get your barrier down enough for the machine to read you." I glanced down at my hand that was still holding his. "I mean, I’m touching you now, right? There’s no barrier between us?”

He stared down at our clasped hands, his cheeks tinged pink. “Yes, I feel you. I mean, no, there’s no barrier.”

“Good!" I gestured to the pad with my free hand. "Then why don't you try again while we're still touching each other?”

He placed his hand back on the machine.

“Please let down your mental barrier to proceed with Match testing.” The machine's voice repeated itself calmly.

His hand fell away, frustrated. I could feel his anxiety, and worried deep down that I had made a wrong choice. I did this to reassure him that we are a good match. To shut up everyone saying that it's a made up story to justify the removal of my suspension. To prove to everyone that Liam isn't useless, even by their own stupid standards.

But none of this will happen if he can't use the machine.

I thought it over, and grinned as I came up with a plan. “Hmm… Well, there’s one other thing we can try…”

I leaned in and kissed him, grabbing his free hand with my own and placing it on the pad together. His breath caught in his chest and he froze in shock very briefly before kissing back. In that moment I almost forgot why I had kissed him in the first place, but the robotic voice quickly reminded me.

“Resonance match detected…. Scanning…. Resonance Frequency Match...100%.”

The voice had barely faded before there were shouts of shock from the crowd. The room descended into chaos at the announcement. I broke away from Liam, who was still distracted, and stared at him.

“Did that machine just say… we are a 100 PERCENT match? I didn’t even think that was possible!”

Liam blinked. “I’m sorry, I dinwhat did you say?”

“We’re a perfect match, Liam.” I laughed. “I knew this was a great idea!”

Definitely didn't completely doubt the plan halfway through... yep.

“So… no one can separate us then?” His body relaxed, and he reached out, pulling me against himself and hugging me tightly. I felt the trembling of his muscles and knew that the anxiety he had shown was only the tip of the iceberg. His true fears and insecurities were still well hidden, even from me.

I hugged him back, waiting for him to back away. The crowd’s murmuring were now a loud roar, as everyone discussed a match rate that most thought impossible to achieve. And there, in the back of the crowd, I saw a solitary figure standing there, watching us with a blank stare.

Chris.

I shuddered, holding Liam tighter. The first thing I had done when Liam and I announced our match was to report to the authorities Chris holding me in his room. I suspected him of drugging me as well, remembering the prick of the needle before falling unconscious.

I was laughed at.

“Why would a student with a crystal clear reputation go out of his way to kidnap a general’s daughter? He already had a match, a better one than his resonance with you if I recall. If anyone had motive to kidnap someone, it would be you to him!”

The words were cutting, made worse by the pity on their faces.

“It’s obvious: your mind was breaking down due to the strain without a Connector, and came up with this fantastical plot of being kidnapped.”

And despite my objections, the claim was dropped. I hadn’t seen Chris since the day we parted in his room.

Until now.

His gaze held mine. He was expressionless, watching us with a detached, almost clinical air. I would have almost thought he was bored, or at least uncaring about the situation in front of him… if not for his eyes…

His eyes were burning with rage.

I looked away first feeling an odd sense of familiarity, as if something similar had happened before.

____________________________

A few days later Liam and I had our first mock battle. Suspended together in the Connection chamber within the Mech, the constant physical and mental connection with Liam made operating the Mech much easier than it ever had been alone.

I fought with a sword, having abandoned the dual guns completely. I breathed a sigh of relief at the speed I could move at as I ducked under the enemy Mech’s attack. Turning with the spin of my dodge, I used the momentum and I swung around to slash the torso of our opponent with the sword.

“Nice hit!” Liam’s voice in my headset was excited. He was cheering me on along the way, spurring me to show off with more complex moves when possible, hoping to impress him.

I pressed the attack, slamming the Mech with the shoulder of ours, and kicking it to the ground before it could recover its balance. The movements were smooth, and my head was clear of any pain. The prior drain and discomfort of controlling the giant robot was completely gone.

As our opponent fell to the ground, I pressed the tip of the sword into the Mech’s neck. The referee called out our victory, and the crowd around the arena cheered, but it was just noise to me. All that mattered was Liam’s excited babbling in my ear.

“That was awesome! I’ve always wondered what it felt like to win a Mech fight, and it’s so much cooler than I ever imagined! This is great! When can we fight again?”

“Glad you had fun, Liam.” I laughed at the innocent delight in his voice. After the stress and pain I had experienced since waking up in this world, the uncertainty of who I was and why I was here, there was something simple and healing about being by Liam’s side.

I feel happy.

I was nervous about admitting it, even to myself, as if the simple acknowledgement of the positive emotion would be enough to destroy it. But I couldn’t deny it. I WAS happy.

After we had undocked and changed, Liam and I relaxed in the fighter’s lounge. Liam as always, had a container that he pulled out of a bag, opening it to reveal a slice of cake. I took it from him with a murmur of thanks, and after the first bite sighed with joy.

“I've been meaning to ask you: Where do you get this cake? It's obviously not from the school shop, it’s way too good!”

Liam smiled at the question. “I made it myself.” Usually more quiet and shy, he seemed very confident when it came to matters such as food. The change in his attitude was something I loved to see.

“Really? You made it? This is too delicious… if only I could have this all the time.” I took another bite, savoring it. As I swallowed, I looked up at him and joked. "Yep, I think the only solution would be for me to just marry you.”

“…” There was a strange silence in the room. I ate some more cake, unconcerned at first, but as the awkward stillness stretched on I paused in my actions, turning towards Liam again with a questioning look.

His face was bright red, and he stared at me with a look of shock and joy.

“Liam?”

He nodded, and blushing more, pulled out his communication device, dialing a number.

“Who are you calling…?”

Alaira’s father, General Gladus showed up on the holographic projection from his device. He stared at Liam, confused for a moment, before barking out with a frown. “Who is this?”

Liam sat up straight, staring at the man with a solemn expression. “General Gladus, my name is William. I am the third born of the Royal family, and a first year student at the academy, and a Level S Connector.”

General Gladus grinned. “I know who you are, son. You’re the wonderful young man who matched with my daughter. I’ve been wanting to talk with you and thank you…”

“Your daughter has asked me to marry her and I have agreed.”

“What?”

“What?”

My father and I asked in unison.

“I was very happy to receive your daughter’s offer of marriage. I will do my very best to support her in all her endeavors.”

“She proposed?”

I silently mouthed an echoing question as my father burst out loudly. “I proposed?”

Liam nodded. “I wanted to let you know so that you could arrange for military leave and be present for our wedding. I know the paperwork can take weeks to months. ”

“…” General Gladus looked stunned. Slowly, his hologram turned towed me. “Alaira, is this true?”

"Yeah, military leave paperwork is notoriously slow..."

He interrupted. "No I mean about the engagement!"

I glanced over at Liam’s excited face.

____________________________

“I don’t believe it’s real.” He whispered, staring down at our hands that were clasped together. “I thought that I was always going to be alone. I thought my fate… my role… ”

I fiddled with the silver band in my hand, trying it on his finger. “Screw fate. We’re getting married now.”

“Yeah.” He grinned, the smile lighting up his face, making the whole room brighter. “Screw fate. I’m your husband!”

____________________________

I shrugged. “What can I say? We’re a destined couple.” I briefly explained about our 100% resonance match.

“… Did you say 100% match?” At my nod, General Gladus opened up his arms. “Welcome to family! When's the wedding?”

After a few more minutes of discussion, Liam hung up, still looking happy.

“Should we notify your parents?”

His face froze. When his gaze finally rose to met mine I shrunk back from the dull look I saw there.

“No reason to.” He reached out, tucking back my hair. “A family without love is just blood related acquaintances. You’re my real family, wife.”

I hugged him again. “That’s right. I’m your family.” I hadn’t really meant to propose… it was just a joke. But the second he called me wife, my heart had felt a sense of recognition. It was happy, but also hurt, a deep remembered pain. A panicked feeling rose up within me, as fear, despair and sadness came in waves, before leaving quickly, overwhelming me without warning or reason. I desperately wanted to remember something, to tear open the fog clouding my brain and peer at what was hidden behind it. But I couldn't.

You must accept your fate. A metallic voice rang in my head, cold, dispassionate, filled with undeniable.

“No.” I whispered, tears filling my eyes even if I wasn’t sure why they were there.

Liam noticed my distress. “Alaira?”

“I'm fine." I think we should go back to practice.” I pulled him to his feet. “We’ll talk more about this later.”

“You’re right, let’s continue working hard so we can save the world like you wanted. But on our next break, we have a wedding to plan!” For the first time, Liam was more excited than me to get to practice. He grabbed my hand and raced forward.

____________________________

Later that night, I went back to my dorm room, still thinking over my last conversation with Liam. He was energetically talking about wedding plans, making lists and drawings with the hologram on his communicator, storing them in special file with my name on it.

When I asked him why he was so excited, he paused, staring down at his hands. “Have you ever felt a desire that was so strong, it seemed to be beyond anything you’ve experienced before?” He glanced up. “I feel this, Alaira. Deep in my soul. I want to be by your side. I want to marry you, but even if you didn’t want that, I’d be your minion or your sidekick. Being by you… helping you… it’s such an integral part of myself, I couldn’t separate from it if I tried.”

“Liam…”

“I think I believe in reincarnation and soul mates.” He smiled. “I’m so happy right now that I think this has to be a hallucination, it can’t be real.”

“I don’t believe it’s real.” I felt the memory of the young man’s whisper in my head again, and pushing it back, I leaned forward to kiss Liam gently.

“It’s real.”

Now alone in my room, I couldn’t help but feel bewildered by the connection with Liam, the emotions and memories that accompanied every moment with him.

“Who am I?” I leaned against the wall and whispered to myself.

“That is the question isn’t it?”

At the unexpected answer I straightened up, falling into a defensive stance. Recognizing the intruder did not make relax, however. If anything it made me more tense.

“Chris. What are you doing here?” I kept my voice calm, trying to hide my inner tension.

“I’m getting tired, Bel.” He sat down on my bed and leaned back, staring up at the ceiling. “I’m just… so tired of all this.”

“What did you call me?” The name resonated with me, much more than “Alaira” ever had.

He ignored me. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You were supposed to give up right away. It promised me…”

The room fell into silence. I stood as still as a statue, barely daring to breathe. I was desperate to hear more, terrified to let him continue speaking. Chris’s voice was different, his tone filled with years of regret. His eyes when they stared at me, seemed to look right through me, as if seeing through my skin to something deeper and more profound.

“Why can’t you just accept your fate, Bel?” He sighed, the sound seeming to drag on too long. “Everything depends on it.”

“What do you…?”

“The lower realms you treasure… the friends you’ve made… even…” He hesitated. “Even his existence depends on everyone having their role and playing their part.”

“I don’t understand what you mean, Chris.”

“MY NAME ISN’T CHRIS!” He yelled, the sound startling in the otherwise silent room. “Just like yours isn’t Alaira. Just like his… it wasn’t supposed to be…”

“Liam?”

”THAT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE HIS NAME!” Chris, or whoever he was, stood up, his face red with rage. “He corrupted it! He refused his role, and ended up tricking you to do the same.” He stepped closer. “Why do you always force me to be the one who has to carry the weight of the realms on my shoulders? Why does he get to be the only one who is happy? I don’t want to play these games anymore, Bel.”

“I’m not playing games!” I shouted back, frustrated. “I don’t remember anything!”

“And you won’t. Not until it’s over. But it will be soon. Because I’m going to end it.” He walked towards the door, preparing to leave, only stopping when I grabbed his arm.

“No. You aren’t leaving until you explain what you meant.”

His eyes lit up briefly at our contact, and I pulled my hand away quickly. “You made a bet, Bel, and these are rules you can’t escape. All it takes is one failed mission. One failure before you can finish the task of piecing together your soul.”

“Piecing together…?” His words struck a chord within me, but I shook my head. “I may not understand anything going on, but I’ll tell you this: I won’t fail my mission.”

The light is his eyes dimmed. “You started this. Just remember that, when you regret everything. You. Started. This.”

He left through room, slamming the door behind him. I stood in place, staring blankly, my mind racing.

Realms, real names, missions and bets… I don’t understand any of it.

But I knew one thing, as certainly as if it were imprinted on my soul.

I would not accept my fate.

Even if I couldn’t remember what that fate was.

Even if I had to destroy fate itself to escape it.

[verytiredblob]

My reviews on Manhwas

Alright so, recently I've began to fall into the great Manhwa hell, as if I didn't have enough fandoms.

But I neither have friends to chat about this with, nor a Discord chat where I can fanby about it, so I just decided to throw it in here.

These are both Manhwas I recommend and my opinions on them. If there are any spoilers, They will be striked through and in blue for anyone that wishes to avoid them (if anyone even reads this lol).

1. The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass (악녀는 모래시계를 되돌린다)

Premise: Aria was a terrible person and was sentenced to dead by being beheaded. In her final moments, she discovers her step sister, Mielle, actually manipulated her during her entire life just so she could get Aria killed. She then is beheaded, and wakes up in the past, in her child body. So now, she must work to both survive and get her revenge on her sister.

Lovely story, and my first Manhwa. The art is simply stunning, and all the characters are very flashed out and developed. Aria (MC) is the pettiest person alive and I'm here for that.

Also, I noticed a trend where, even though the manhwa has "Villainess" in the title, the MC is usually a total angel. Well, not here. Aria is egotistical and a total Diva, she has her goals and one of them is her revenge and by all that is sacred she'll get it.

Mielle is a great villain, she has grown a lot in her own pettiness and tactics since she was a child, and I really like that. Also, watching her suffer for being a terrible person is delightful.

The Male Lead (Asher) is also really cool, I like how he's both witty and friendly, and how much he truly admires Aria and her achievements.

The side characters are also pretty good, and they get a lot of focus because of their interactions with the main cast.

Again, The art is S T U N N I N G. Look at this:

Literally all panels are drawn like this or better, I'm in love.

All in all, an awesome read, 10/10, I love this a lot.

2. The Monster Duchess And Contract Princess (괴물 공작가의 계약 공녀)

Premise: Leslie's life was terrible, and always centered on her big sister, Eli. After a failed attempt of her family to grant Eli her sister's skills and knowledge, Leslie searches for the feared "Monster Duchess" in an attempt to survive.

Another one with incredible art AND incredible characters. Leslie is an absolute angel, and seeing her grow as a person is awesome.

The gender envy I feel with the Duchess is unbearable, she's utterly perfect. And the entire family is so dotting and loving and sweet, my little grinch heart can't take it.

She's perfection, really.

The plot keeps getting more and more mysterious, and I'm here for it!

I love each of the main characters a lot, and even the villains are well done and fuel your hatred.

Also, Eli Sperado and her Dad can choke on those black flames for all eternity.

Another 10/10, although I must warn anyone that wishes to read this that the translations sometimes are very spotty and messy, so it can be a bit annoying.

3. I'll be the Matriarch in this Life (이번 생은 가주가 되겠습니)

Premise: Firentia was a girl that died in Korea in her past life, and was reborn into an influential family as the illegitimate daughter of the third son. Her life was pretty terrible, with in the end, her family ending up in poverty and disgrace because of her uncles and cousins, while she was exiled from the family. After another accident, she wakes up in her past, now with a goal: Become the Lombardi matriarch and stop the other family heirs from bringing it to ruin.

Awesome art and Awesome plot number 3! This is so good, genuinely. Firentia is such an awesome plotter, and her goals and actions are very well developed.

The Male Lead is my baby and I shall protect him, and the side characters? Utterly stunning.

The twins are the cutest fucking shit, seriously. Like, look at these two?? I'm dead. Although, all the children are very, veeery cute.

I like how Firentia subtly manipulates things around her to get what she wants. It's similar to Aria, but she's much more mature and knowledgeable, and has a much less petty goal.

Guess what? 10/10. Yeah, I know, I'm terrible at grading, sue me.

4. The Twins Siblings' New Life (쌍둥이 남매의 뉴라이프)

Premise: Arien and Arjen were a pair of twins that died in Korea, and were reborn again as twins and as the Emperor's illegitimate children. Now, with only each other to trust, they must do their best to survive.

My current obsession. I really like this one. The art is not on the same level of pure Awesome like the ones before, but it's pretty good nonetheless.

The plot is pretty nice, but I must warn you: DO NOT expect them to act like adults. Honestly, just forget they're meant to be reborn in this world. They're just normal children and that's it. They act like children, and they think like children. Honestly, I think the author just wanted to make this story about them as children and their producer went and said to make them reincarnates because that Isekai shit is popular nowadays (And to justify they having memories of their newborn days). Seriously, just ignore it, the experience reading will be much better.

Other than that, the story develops nicely. The characters are all very good and the plot is very mysterious. I am holding myself back to not spoil anything, aaaaa.

There is also only one another thing that disappoints me: Arien is very clearly the MC. The story is told by her eyes and we only know what Arjen thinks or feels when he says it 9 or by subtext). I really wish it was more balanced, because they're both different people and have different perspectives, and also I really like Arjen.

I have absolutely no idea where this plot is gonna go, and honestly? I like it. It's very rare when I don't know how things are gonna develop because of other stories, so it feels very fresh.

The brothers are freaking awesome. I was so scared they were going to hate the twins and be petty, because of other manhwas that are like that, but they're so loving and sweet?? All hail these idiots. Also, Daddy is the biggest dumbass of all, this poor clueless man.

An 8/10, because of the complaints above. Still a good read, and I really like it, even with it's defects.

4. I'm A Stepmother, But My Daughter Is Just Too Cute! (계모인데 딸이 너무 귀여워)

Premise: A seamstress dies of overwork in Korea, and wakes up in the body of Abigail, the vain Queen, and the evil stepmother to the princess Blanche. Yes, It's like she stepped into the world of Snow White, and she must now do her best to live and.. Dote on Blanche with toys and dresses as much as possible?

Again with the awesome art and nice plot. Why are there so many manga with awesome art?? I'm so envious.

May all hail this crispy, delicious art.

Abigail is a whole mood, and I enjoy how she is inserted into the life of someone who had already lived and had a reputation. Her actions baffle a lot of the characters, as do her motivations, and I'm here for it.

The King has also an amazing backstory that's very tragic and yikes. I enjoy it, really. Not something you see in men's backstories that much.

Also, I'm kinda saddened by the fact the MC and the king are bound to become an actual couple. They would be such good platonic friends stuck in a political marriage. I was robbed, y'all.

Abigail greatest ambition is to get to design a dress for Blanche and have her wear it, and you know what? Good for her! Sometimes, it's good to have an MC that is not plotting against world at large.

Also, her mirror? Verite is simply perfect, I love this guy. I non-jokingly ship him with Abigail more than her with the King.

Blanche is a sweetheart, she deserves to be in my "adopted children" wall.

For now it's more of a Slice of Life than anything? But I also don't know what happens in the novels, so I'm just going to wait.

For the current lack of a grater plot, this gets a 7/10. Still pretty good and entertaining, especially for when you just don't feel like trying to understand deep plots with lots of elements.

5. Beware of the Brothers! (그 오빠들을 조심해!)

Premise: Another one of those "I lived my life and then wake up in the past." Hari was adopted by this family after the death of their only daughter, and although her parents love her, her 3 older siblings very much don't. She lives a miserable life in their hands, and when it's the night before she is to get married and finally escape her brothers, she wakes up in the past, and has to deal with them all over again.

Another nice art one, and the background characters are very nice, as is the MC.

But for me, it has a big problem. And that problem is the main ship. It's Hari with her eldest brother, Eugene. Even though they are not related and yadda yadda yadda, they were raised as such, and thus it bothers me. Also, Eugene is as plain as white bread and just as generic when seen as the Male Lead.

I ship Hari with Johan, even though I know it's not gonna happen, Ugh, the pain..

For me, the main point in this is Hari's relationship with her other siblings and the other background characters. I'm here for that wholesome sibling interaction. Her relationship with Erich, specially, is awesome. I love these two so much

It also kinda lacks a plot? Other than the relationship development and their story as a family, but again, I have no idea how they will develop this.

Also, pet peeve? Why do they keep using Oppa instead of translating it properly as brother? I get honorifics and stuff, but it's so annoying.

I give it a 6/10. Good characters and good relationships outside of the bloody incest thing, and it's a good enough way to pass the time.

There are two more that I've read, buut it's like 4am and I'm sleepy as all hell, so I'll just add it in a reblog or attached post later, and I plan on doing this for other future manhwas as well.

Do you have any recommendations or comments or just wanna talk about any of these manhwas? Hit me up!

[allherdaydreams]

Valley of Kings — Chapter One

Vali | The Middleman

Universe: Vikings Pairing(s): None yet (there will be several later on, mainly Ivar x fem!OC and much later on, Harald x fem!OC) Word Count: 3,160 Warnings: Bad writing ig? Author’s Note: I don't really love this lol, but I decided I'm just going to publish the chapters on here when I'm done and have slightly edited them and hope for some feedback, etc. Sorry if it's not great! Anyway, lemme know if you wanna be on a taglist and I’ll add you! Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated ❤️

read the prologue here

I remember the smell of the air — as spring was leaving, with summer slowly taking its place, the wind was gentle and sweet with the scent of wildflowers. The hunting cabin which belonged to the royal family of Kattegat rested in the foothills just east of the town; to the south surrounded by trees, and to the north, mountains. The smell of pine and woodbine lingered in the air, too, though all of the sweet scents of the wilderness were drowned out with that of the meat we roasted over the fire each night we stayed there.

I remember the way the grass tickled the back of my neck as my friends and I watched the clouds. I had never understood why Sigyn insisted on being barefoot every moment that we were out there, but in midday, the dew had only just faded and the greenery was soft underfoot. The clear blue sky gave us a false sense of security.

It was the last truly peaceful day I would have in a long, long time. I must have been fifteen or sixteen, but I had always looked and acted older. My friends were all older, too — I was the same age as the youngest son of Ragnar, Ivar, but I only spent time with him when his brothers were around. I had been inseparable from Ubbe, Hvitserk, and Sigurd since I was small. We all figured we would stay that way forever.

We had been at the cabin for many days, and planned to head back into town at the end of the upcoming week. That day, Hvitserk and I had both killed a deer, Sigurd had caught many rabbits in his traps, and Ubbe had tracked a boar, though he was still waiting for the right time to shoot it without the probability of getting attacked. (He was much wiser than Hvitserk and I; had it been either of ours to kill, we would have gone after it with no hesitation or regard for our safety at all.)

My sister had come with us — Ivar went, too, and wherever Ivar was, Sigyn was never far behind — but had never enjoyed hunting. Instead, she chose to spend the trip in and around the cabin, cooking and cleaning. When the chores were all done, she spent the rest of her time alone out in the yard, lost in her own head. She was, it seemed, daydreaming at nearly every waking moment of her life.

When we reached the cabin that day, we found her in her usual spot on the grass, staring off at the clouds even as we reached her. Ivar crawled toward her, but instead of trying to grab her attention, he only laid down next to her.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, staring up at the sky. As the other princes and I walked into the cabin, I heard Sigyn begin to tell a most detailed story, as she always did when Ivar asked that question.

"I am dreaming of a far away kingdom on the edge of the world..."

When we had resurfaced from the entrance of the cabin, Ivar and Sigyn were still laying in the same spot. Hvitserk had flashed me a grin as he nudged my arm before strutting over and laying down on the vacant side of Sigyn. Knowing he wished for me to follow, I laid down next to him.

"You know, Sigyn," Hvitserk said. "If you come with us to the Mediterranean, you will get to see a far away kingdom."

"Yes, Hvitserk, I know." She responded simply. "But it would not be as magnificent as the ones I dream about. Besides, I love Kattegat and I have no wish to leave. We have been over this."

Sigyn had always been straightforward. She was very honest about everything, and often didn't understand the difference between our jests or when we meant what we said. I suppose that my sweet sister assumed that everyone would be as charmingly frank about their feelings as her.

Sigyn had the softest, steadiest voice I had ever heard. She often kept a calm tone which made her seem as if she had the most level head in Norway. Only when she was in great distress or feeling something very strong did her tone ever noticeably change. Not to say she was emotionless by any means — she felt a great deal more than I could ever wrap my head around — but she was always calm. At least, she always was when she was around us.

"Are you going to be okay here while Mother and Father and I are gone, Sigyn?" I asked gently, leaning upwards just slightly to look over at her past Hvitserk. Hvitserk's brows furrowed slightly, and he looked over at her too as she gazed thoughtfully at the clouds. She nodded slowly, turning her head to meet our gazes.

"I think so. You will not be gone very long. I will have Ivar and Muninn." I smiled at her sweet tone, but had to keep myself from grimacing.

"We may be gone all summer," I reminded her.

"Or longer," added Hvitserk. She nodded again and looked back at the clouds.

"Perhaps you will. And I will miss you everyday. But you'll come back." Hvitserk and I looked at each other, and I shrugged as I laid back down. I knew she understood — she was always the more intelligent twin — but I just didn't want her to be hit with the emotions all at once when I would not be there to talk over them with her. We may not have spent every waking moment together, but we had never been separated in our lives.

We stayed there for a long time, quietly and sparsely conversing amongst ourselves. When Ubbe and Sigurd had finished skinning the meat for dinner, they called us over. Sigyn and Ubbe were the best cooks among us, so they were the ones to prepare our meal while the rest of us sat around them and talked. It was not long until we heard the sound of hooves coming up the path to the cabin, and Hvitserk and I stood and craned our necks to see who the incoming rider could be.

"It's Bjorn!" I called the others. Sigyn and Ubbe looked up then, put down the food, and quickly joined the rest of us as we all watched the eldest prince of Kattegat approach.

His expression was grim — though he was usually serious, I wasn't used to him looking so discouraged or unhappy. He dismounted his horse once he reached the cabin, tying the reins to a fence post.

"Hello, Bjorn," Sigyn said, walking up to him with a smile. She turned towards the tall horse, stroking his head gently, her attention now completely focused on the stallion. Bjorn smiled faintly as he gave her a nod.

"Hello, Sigyn," As he passed her, he patted her shoulder. Tearing his eyes away from my sister, he looked towards the rest of us, and his expression darkened again. "I come with news. You will all want to sit down."

By the time Bjorn had finished his story, all of our faces looked just as grim as his. Sigyn, who was sat on a bench behind Ivar, was the only one of us who didn't look angry in the slightest — her downcast eyes made it seem as if she was on the verge of tears as she absentmindedly ran her fingers through Ivar's hair. She had always had a habit of soothing herself with soft textures when anxious or upset; usually, one of us lent our hand or hair for her to play with, if there was no small animal close enough for her to pet.

We were all quiet and contemplative for a while, all of us stuck in our own thoughts. I wondered what Hvitserk was thinking.

"You think our father never knew?" Ubbe brought his gaze up from the table to the sky, which had turned to grey. I saw in his eyes a calculating worry. He was trying to find reason in something where there likely wasn't anything that was good enough to justify it.

"It's possible," Bjorn mused, watching the knife in his hands as he turned it over slowly. "In those early days, it wasn't easy to navigate the sea."

"He knew. He had to." Hvitserk spoke from beside me. I glanced at him and nodded in agreement.

"If he did, he should have told the people," Sigurd decided aloud. "Everyone lost relatives; fathers and uncles, sons and daughters. They would have demanded revenge."

"That is why he didn't tell them," Ivar shot back, glaring at Sigurd.

"What do you mean?" Ubbe asked as his brows furrowed. Ivar rolled his eyes.

"It was a waste of time." He said simply.

"Ivar..." Sigyn's voice trailed off. Her face made it clear that she wanted to say something, but didn't know how to approach her volatile best friend.

"They were dead, Sigyn! Ragnar wanted to sail to Paris. He wanted to be famous. Isn't that more important?" He turned to look at her, and she drew her hands back from his hair and into her lap. "Hmm?"

Sigyn looked at the ground.

"I don't think so," She said solemnly.

"You can say that." Bjorn replied, shrugging. Ivar turned again, back to facing his brothers and I.

"I can say that? What does that mean?"

"Here's what it means —" Hvitserk interjected. "— at least to me. Our father abandoned us. We were just kids, and he ran off. Only the Gods know if he's still alive. And now, we hear he kept this big secret from everyone. That he was not truthful or honest."

"This makes me feel sick," Sigurd shook his head again. "How could our father not tell the people what had happened?"

"Maybe if he had told them, they would have killed him." Bjorn replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"If it's true..." Ubbe began. "If it's true that our father lied to his people and abandoned them, then I hope he never comes back."

"He betrayed our name. If he ever came back, I would kill him." Hvitserk snarled, ripping Sigyn out of her mind and back into the present. Her head shot up to look at Hvitserk.

"Me too." Sigurd agreed. Sigyn looked back and forth between the two of them, her expression somewhere between alarm and betrayal.

"Screw you!" Ivar exclaimed. Hvitserk scoffed and looked down, shaking his head. "All of you. He never did anything wrong. He is our father. And that is the end of it. You all sound like a bunch of Christians."

"I love our father as much as you do—" Ubbe said, but was interrupted by Ivar.

"Who said I loved him, Ubbe? I said I admired him. He's Viking. And you are soft." Ivar's voice was defensive, challenging, angry; as he usually was.

"I am not soft! None of us—" Ubbe gestured to his other brothers and to me. "— are soft. But we want to understand what our father did, and what he was."

He crouched down in front of Ivar, glancing up at Sigyn before making eye contact with Ivar. "As his son, his fame does not interest me. What he used his power for—" Ubbe pressed a finger to his temple. "— now that would interest me."

"By now, my brothers, there will be a lot of anger in Kattegat. Now they know the truth. Our father betrayed a whole generation of people," Hvitserk said.

"So if he ever came back—" Sigurd started to say, causing Bjorn to sit up straighter and stare at his brother.

"I don't think he is ever going to come back!" Bjorn exclaimed, frustrated. "I think what happened in Paris finally broke him. You all can say whatever you want, but he was a human. People started to talk as if he was a God — he was not a God! He was a man! A man with many dreams and many failings. I've learned that in the years since he went away. If I was him, I wouldn't come back."

I glanced at my sister now, who was watching Bjorn sadly.

"Despite all his failings, he is still the greatest man in the world to me," Bjorn looked down at the ground again as finished his sentence.

"He cared for you — he cared for all of you," Sigyn said, looking to each prince in turn. "He made mistakes, but as Bjorn said, he is only human." Bjorn and Ivar nodded, but Hvitserk and Ubbe shook their heads.

"Sigyn, we were not lucky as you were to have a father that was there for us. If he truly cared enough, he would have stayed." Ubbe told her. His voice was gentle, as it always was when he spoke to her, but I could hear the frustration behind his words. "You should learn that about love now; love means loyalty. Dedication. You don't abandon those you love."

I watched my sister grapple with finding the right thing to say. Ivar reached a hand behind him, blindly reaching for Sigyn's own. Once he had grabbed it, he guided it to his shoulder before letting it go. Her fingers traced shapes onto his shirt.

"I must go to your home now, Vali, Sigyn," Bjorn looked towards each of us in turn. "I have more preparations for the voyage to discuss with you father, and now I should talk to him about this as well." I nodded at him.

"I will go with you," I replied, and looked towards Sigyn, who met my gaze.

"I should stay here, then. There is no need for both of us to go," She decided.

"Perhaps we should head back to Kattegat early," Ubbe suggested, looking to his brothers. "See the reactions of the people."

"We already know how the people will react, Ubbe," Hvitserk said. "But yes, we should go and see what we can do."

The journey to my home was longer than usual; we had gone around Kattegat instead of cutting through it, which was the quickest way there, but didn't seem appropriate. A silence hung between Bjorn and I for most of the journey.

"You did not speak," Bjorn said finally, just before we had reached my home. "You did not speak when we were discussing my father."

I nodded at him. "It was not my turn to speak. Not my conversation to have." Bjorn let out a short hum of amusement.

"I think you discount your wisdom. Or maybe your importance," Bjorn decided. I didn't have an answer to that.

We dismounted our horses as we reached out family's land. Bjorn walked ahead of me, but stopped slowly and leaned against one of my father's many souvenirs from past raids. I stopped beside him, and he glanced at me before nodding his head over to the water. When I followed his gaze, I was met with my parents wading in the shallows with the little model ships I had helped him make.

My father must have noticed our presence somehow, because he turned to look at us before he walked over. Bjorn drew close to him, then spoke in a low voice.

"Did you know Ragnar lied to us all? The settlement in Wessex was destroyed as soon as we left." My father looked from Bjorn to me, then to the ground as he thought for a moment. He nodded, glancing back to me before looking Bjorn in the eyes again.

"I knew," He said. "A farmer who had escaped the slaughter told you father and I what had happened. Then, Ragnar killed him, so no one else would find out."

"You were a good friend to my father," Bjorn replied simply.

"Bjorn? Vali?" My mother's voice reached my ears, and I turned from the men to her, smiling.

"Helga," Bjorn answered, immediately walking towards her.

"Hello, Mamma," I called to her, following Bjorn again.

"What brings you back so soon, Vali? I thought you were going to be gone hunting for another week," My mother questioned as she walked out of the water and met us on the sand, embracing me.

"I decided to come back early. We caught plenty of game," I lied, but she nodded and smiled as she drew away from me. She turned to Bjorn.

"And what brings you here, Bjorn?"

"I was just coming to see how the boats were progressing," Bjorn explained.

"What do you say, Helga? What shall we tell him?" My father asked, walking along the docks.

"We think that it won't be long before you have boats ready and able to take you to the Mediterranean Sea," My mother told Bjorn happily.

"If it exists," My father muttered.

"Of course it exists," Bjorn insisted, looking up from the model boat my mother had placed in his hands.

"It's just a map, Bjorn; marks on a paper. A child could have drawn it! How can we know it's real?" My father asked. Bjorn studied the boat more as he thought over his words carefully.

"I learned from my father. The only way to tell if something is real..." Bjorn knelt down, gently pushing the model back into the sea. "...is to sail there."

I would like to think I can remember everything of that day — of most days spent at the hunting cabin, in Kattegat; with my friends, with my sister; the days that bled into each other and the nights that ended with sunrise instead of slumber; that phase in my life where I was preparing for the rest of it, learning the arts and trades and traditions of my people.

Indeed, I would certainly like to think that nothing of those days has escaped my memory. But as I write this, and as I try to recall every moment of every day & night spent in the sweet comfort of home, of youth, of camaraderie with those whom I still love most in the world, I recognize that the mind is never so sharp as to be able to recall every last detail or feeling from many years prior. My mind is not as sharp as it once was, either — I have accepted that soon, if it hasn't already, it will begin to fail me.

Perhaps not all of this story happened in the way I remember it — who is to say, when so few of us are left and still able to recount our adventures? — but the stories of my people & my past deserve to be told. Otherwise, who will remember the Norsemen? The Vikings are gone. I am one of the last to be able to remember the Golden Age. This story is mine to tell.

tags // @peachyboneless @youbloodymadgenius sorry y’all probably forgot about this fic its been so long lmaoo i’ll unadd you if you want

[lelitachay]

Frozen fanfiction: Søsken

Summary: An accident in the North mountain forces Elsa to spend several weeks in her brother’s apartment under Anna’s care. And during this time, Anna begins to notice there are peculiar things about Elsa’s life she wished she could understand. Everything starts to make sense after a family reunion.

Modern AU. Kristanna - Frohana - Kristoff & Elsa BrOTP. Chapters 1 to 10 - Here   Chapters 11 to 20 - Here Chapter 21 - What to do Chapter 22 - What’s there to lose? Chapter 23 - Seek the truth Chapter 24 - An abrupt end Chapter 25 - A fresh start

-

A promising future

Anna turned her head around and tried to peek into the living room. She wanted to see her mother's face but the door frame was annoyingly blocking her view. Her mother had asked to be left alone while she read Elsa's letter. And for that reason, she and her father had to go into the kitchen to wait for her. To Anna's dismay, her mother was taking way longer than she imagined to finish reading the letter, putting her patience to the test.

She leant against the back of the chair, hoping to rock it just enough to see her mother for a second. At least, enough to try and guess if the content of the letter was either good or bad by her mother's expressions. She was finally able to see the armchair and her mother's hand holding the letter, when the voice of her father startled her. "Stop spying on your mother," said Agdar, almost making her fall.

"I wasn't- I'm not…" She tried in vain to explain, but Agdar's amused expression let her see he didn't believe a word of it. Sighing in defeat, she confessed, "I'm just curious."

"I am too," he admitted as he walked towards the kitchen table. "But as you said, that letter belongs to Idunn. We should let her read it in peace."

"She could read faster." Anna knew she sounded like the impatient child she had once been, but she couldn't help it. Ever since she found out she had an older sister; she had hoped for her family to be reunited again. At least, for just one night. Long enough for her parents and sister to talk things through. She simply couldn't wait anymore. She needed to know if Elsa was willing to make her dream come true.

Agdar laughed and sat down in the opposite chair. Once he was properly seated, he handed her one of the two tea cups he had brought with him. “Here.” 

“Thank you,” answered Anna with a small smile. The way her father returned the smile made her feel guilty for the things she had said to him only an hour earlier. It was true she had been mad at her father’s reprimands for not being present at dinner, but it didn’t justify her behaviour. The last thing she wanted was to be on bad terms with him, even if part of her still believed he could have done things differently in the past.

Agdar cleared his throat, calling Anna's attention for a second time. “I didn't choose the company over your sister," said Agdar, as if he had read her mind. He took a sip from his tea and continued, “You may not believe me, but I swear I didn't.”

Guilt washed over Anna once again, and she thought it was best if she learnt once and for all to think before she talked. "Dad, I didn't mean to-”

“Let me finish,” he asked. “I'm aware my decisions have hurt your sister and our family in many ways. But please, don't ever think Elsa was second best." His eyes were focused on the cup he was holding, but Anna knew he was thinking about the past. "I was so happy when your mother told me she was pregnant. I'm sure I cried when I held Elsa in my arms for the first time. Same with you," he clarified. "The two of you put my world upside down by just existing."

"We did?" Her father was a loving man, though he seldom expressed it orally.

"Of course. You mean the world to me." He looked her in the eye and smiled. "It broke my heart to leave Elsa behind. Truth is, we had run out of ideas. We couldn't take care of her, Anna. And to be honest… I–" Agdar sighed, stopping himself mid-sentence.

Something told Anna he was having second thoughts about talking about his past once again. And even if Anna was trying hard to remain calm, her father's overprotection usually drove her mad. "Not sharing things is what put us in this situation to begin with. What happened?"

"I didn't trust my father."

"What?" The sadness in her father's voice surprised her. She wasn't sure what he was going to say, but that certainly was not it.

"My father was a strange man. Full of anger and resentment," he said. "All he cared about was power."

"Power?"

"Money and social recognition, mostly. Sadly, everything he considered an obstacle to his ambition was something that should be taken care of — gotten rid of." The way he wrung his hands showed Anna he was nervous about sharing the truth. He even seemed ashamed of his father's actions. "I feared Elsa would become an obstacle in his eyes. You should have seen the way he looked at me when I told him she existed…"

"Did you tell him about–?"

"Her powers?" he interrupted. "No. I wanted to see how he reacted to the news that she existed first…” He took a sip of his tea and said, “not to tell him was the right call. To this day, I don't know what he would have done to Elsa if he had known."

Father and daughter stayed silent for a while, not knowing what to say. Anna could see a mixture of relief and guilt in her father's eyes. It was clear he had wanted to tell her about Runeard for a long time. "I never thought grandfather was like that."

"I respected him, but I guess it was a respect born out of fear." He looked at the mug in his hands once again, avoiding Anna's gaze. "I never truly loved him. Not the way I love you, your sister and your mother."

The way he included Elsa in the list didn't go unnoticed by Anna, who smiled at the fact her parents were, little by little, trying to make Elsa part of the family once again. "I can't imagine myself in your situation. I love you and mum so much."

"I guess we receive the love we give."

In a subtle way, Agdar said what she had been wondering since the conversation started. Runeard had never shown him love. At least not in the way a good loving father should.

"You know, Anna," Agdar said, calling her attention once again. "When Elsa was born, I promised myself I wouldn't make the same mistakes my father did. I said I wouldn't raise my child to fear me. I wanted her to love me and respect me. I also promised to do everything in my power to give her a good future…”

Anna could only imagine how much Agdar regretted ever leaving Elsa behind. She could hear the guilt in his voice as he spoke.

“I failed Elsa terribly, and there isn't a day I don't beat myself over it. I made a similar promise the day you were born. This time, I swore I wouldn't leave you alone. I also promised to let you follow your own path.” He grabbed her hand and gave it a small squeeze. “Sometimes I feel I'm failing you too. I'm sorry if I let my workaholic nature get in the way. I'm sorry if I'm too overbearing about the business too.”

Anna held his hand a little tighter in return and offered him a smile. “I don't think you've ever failed me, dad. You've always been there for me. And you were the first person to tell me I should follow a career in education if that's what I wanted.” She took a deep breath and hoped her father wouldn’t ask too many questions about the previous night. “Last night was my fault, something unfair happened to Marshall and I thought he could use my help. That’s the reason I was late and I’m sorry. I did say I'd be here, I should've kept my promise…” 

“What exactly happened last night?”

“Well, you see… It's a long story.” She had no idea how to explain she had tried to stop Marshall from smashing Hans face, only for her to end up knocking him out. “Marshall’s a private person and-”

“It's fine,” Agdar interrupted, giving her the easy way out. “You don't need to tell me. I trust you made the right choice.”

“That I did.” She looked at her foundation covered knuckles and smiled to herself.

“Tell me… Should I be concerned?”

“Concerned?”

“You mentioned this Marshall fellow is Elsa's friend and I-”

She gaped already knowing where her father was going. “No. No. I won't let you do this,” she said, pointing an accusatory finger in her father’s direction. “You almost freaked Kristoff out when we started dating. I won't let freak Marshall out.”

“So, they are together.”  

“No, they are not. Though, I'm rooting for Marshall.”

“He looked like he had been involved in a fight recently,” he said, serious about the situation. 

She rolled her eyes, annoyed by her father’s overprotection. “Leave the man alone, dad.”

“Elsa's been through a lot in her life. I won't let a hooligan get anywhere near her.” 

For a moment, Anna wondered if had said anything that could make her father think Marshall a hooligan, but the memories of the day he met Kristoff came to mind. “Marshall’s not a hooligan. The same way Kristoff was not one either- Are you listening to yourself right now?”

“Does Kristoff approve of him? Kristoff's a sensible man in that regard.”

“Leave the man alone.”

Resting his chin on one of his fists, he asked, “What's his last name, again?”

“Dad, I'm serious.” For a moment Anna thought her father had finally lost it, when she noticed a playful smirk drew on his face. “You were being annoying on purpose, weren’t you?”

Agdar’s and Anna’s playful smiles were short-lived however. Idunn entered the kitchen with red, puffy eyes which were hard for them to ignore.

“Idunn?”

“Mum? What's wrong?” 

They both asked, almost instantly; and soon after they shared a worried look.

“Everything’s okay,” she assured them. “I'm a little overwhelmed, that’s all.”

“So…” said Anna once her mother took a seat between them both. “Did she say anything? Will she give you guys a second chance?”

“She doesn't say.”

Agdar’s disappointment was obvious when he asked, “what did she write about?”

“I wrote about our past in my letters, and I asked her to share hers with me…” Idunn explained.

“And, did she…?”

She shook her head. “Not the past you're thinking about. She doesn't mention anything about Romsdal or the time she spent inside the clinic. She wrote about Kristoff and the Bjorgmans, instead.”

Anna smiled at that, at least she was certain Elsa hadn’t had a hard time writing the letter. She understood perfectly well why her sister had avoided more serious topics.

“She talks about the day she met Kristoff and everything they did together - how they became friends,” Idunn continued. “She then jumps to the day she was officially adopted by the Bjorgmans.”

“She doesn't mention Weselton at all?” asked Agdar, clearly as interested as Anna in the content of the letter.

“I think she avoided it on purpose,” she said. “Maybe Gerda's right, maybe she's pretending it didn't happen.”

That last comment called Anna’s attention, but she didn’t say anything. After all, she knew her parents had met the Bjorgmans a couple of times. It wasn’t a surprise they had shared their worries with her parents. 

“Do you think so?” Agdar said, being unable to hide the concern from his voice.

Looking at the different pages of the letter in her hand, Idunn explained, “she avoids talking about it. She jumps from one topic to the other… It's as if she picked certain parts of her childhood and mixed them together in a way she doesn't mention Romsdal nor the clinic at all.”

“It hurts too much,” Anna said, surprising even herself. She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but the words had slipped from her mouth faster than she could stop them. 

“What?” her parents asked, looking at her.

Anna had mentioned Elsa’s mental breakdown, but she hadn’t talked to them about her past. Elsa had opened up in a moment of weakness and stress, and Anna thought it was wrong to share what she had said to her. But now that she had her parents’ attention, she couldn’t pretend she didn’t know some parts of it. “It hurts too much,” she chose to say. “If I were Elsa, I wouldn't like talking about it either.” 

“You know about her past?” The answer to the question was quite obvious, but Agdar asked it anyway. 

“The night she found Kai's petition, she seemed terrified of facing Weselton again. I saw her so distressed, I had to ask about it. I was lucky she told me…” Anna sighed as she tried to find the right words to explain it. Finding none, she said, “It's- it's bad.”

Idunn and Agdar shared a painful look. “Gerda and Kai told us about it,” said Idunn. “They didn't know all the details, but… Well, they met her right after she was found. Her health condition gave them a clear idea of what she went through.”

Anna grimaced, not once she had stopped to think about the aftermath of everything her sister went through. The way Elsa had explained Gerda and Kai had rescued her had made it seem everything was okay after it. But now, Anna could only wonder how much time it had taken Elsa to recover from her time in Weselton’s hands. Shaking her head, she uselessly tried to erase the idea of Elsa in a hospital bed.

“What did she tell you?” Agdar asked her.

“It's not my place to tell you really – not that she told me everything about it either. But I think she should be the one to talk about it with you. At her own time. I guess only Elsa can say what really happened.” Anna wasn’t trying to be mysterious, she hadn’t liked when Kristoff did the same to her; but she truly believed it was best for Elsa to be the one to share her past with their parents, if she ever wanted to.

Idunn’s sigh drew Anna’s attention back at her. “She must have been so scared. So lonely,” her mother said. And not for the first time, Anna wondered how much the guilt of leaving Elsa behind was going to affect her mother. 

“What else did she tell you?” asked Agdar once again. This time, he was pointing at the letter in Idunn’s hands. “In her letter, I mean.”

"Mainly stories about her days with Kristoff. She also told me about a book, which was her favourite. She couldn't read at the time so she doesn't know its name. She said she was hoping I may have an idea." A smile appeared on Idunn's face and Anna felt more at ease knowing Elsa had really tried to establish some sort of relationship with their mother.

"The one she transcribed?" asked Anna, already knowing the answer. Elsa must have truly loved that book.

"That's the one!" Idunn exclaimed, happily. "I wish I could see her transcription. Does she still have it?"

"She never said." Anna thought it was funny how she had never thought of asking Elsa about it. Maybe the drawings could help them realise which book she was talking about.

"You could ask Helga," offered Agdar. "The owner of the bookshop two blocks from here. She can always help you, even with the briefest description of a story."

"You should definitely ask her, mum." Anna was certain her mother would do everything she could to find the book.

Idunn nodded with a smile and looked at the different pages again until she found the part where Elsa described the book. She put it aside as a reminder.

"She didn't say anything else?"

It was clear her father wanted to find out as much as possible about Elsa, and that fact made Anna truly happy. Her parents hadn't lied about loving and wanting to get to know Elsa once again. She hoped Elsa could see that side of them and actually realise how much they cared.

"She talked about Gerda and Kai too," answered Idunn, unaware of Anna's excitement. "She enjoyed getting to know them and becoming part of their family, even if at the beginning she felt like an intruder in their house. She talks a lot about them, actually. It's clear she loves them."

"She once said to me they're her heroes," said Anna.

"It's good to know she found a good family after everything she went through," Agdar said honestly.

Idunn nodded with a smile. Looking at the letter once again, she tried to order the pages before offering it to Anna. "Would you like to read some of her stories? There's one about Kristoff's old truck that you'd like."

"Are you serious?! Kristoff always avoids talking about his old truck! Give me that."

Idunn handed her the letter, and even though she was excited about Elsa's stories, she couldn't hide her disappointment when she first looked at the content of the letter. "Oh, Elsa…"

"What? What is it?" asked Idunn, worried she had missed something important.

"This handwriting is terrible even for her standards. I guess she must have written it in a hurry." Anna gave the rest of the pages a quick look and sighed tiredly. "This is messy as hell."

"Let me see that," said Agdar, curious to finally see Elsa's disastrous handwriting.  "Oh… No wonder you took more than an hour to read this."

"She apologises about her handwriting at the end," Idunn was quick to say, trying to justify Elsa's work. "She says she's trying to learn and improve. The two of you should be more understanding. Especially you, Anna."

"Oh, please, she always avoids practicing her handwriting all the time. She's just being lazy," laughed Anna. She knew perfectly well Elsa hadn't tried to improve one bit in the last few months. If Anna was honest, she was starting to believe her sister's handwriting was beyond saving.

---

Idunn smiled at Anna's eagerness to read Elsa's letter. She was happy her youngest daughter had not only found someone like Kristoff to share her life with, but also had found her long lost sister. Even if things with Elsa didn't work out and she never forgave them, at least Idunn could rest assured her girls could enjoy each other's company.

Once Anna became absorbed in the stories Elsa had to tell, Idunn turned to her husband. Agdar looked happy and peaceful, and she felt bad for ruining his good mood, but she needed to share what Elsa had also explained in the letter; even if it hurt him.

"She was there, Agdar," she said all of a sudden, calling his attention. It was best to let him know.

"What?"

"The day we visited the orphanage here in Trolheim. She was there." She took a deep breath to calm herself. "They lied to us so we wouldn't find her."

Agdar looked at her for a minute, not uttering a word. Idunn was beginning to think he hadn't really understood her when he asked, "are you sure?" 

She confirmed the bad news with a nod of her head. "She says it herself."

"Do you mean this?" Anna said, surprising both of them. Before Idunn could pay a look at the letter, Anna began reading… 

"When I was eight I was living in Trolheim's orphanage. I can't be sure, but I guess I was there when you and Agdar went looking for me. I re-read your letters. I wrote down the dates you mentioned. I counted the years… It all adds up. I wish the nurses would have said something. I was so lonely at the time. I would have given anything to meet you. No-one knew I existed; and those who did, didn't care about me.

I'm thankful Kristoff found me around that time though. For some reason I cannot understand, Kristoff did care and he stayed by my side until the day he was adopted… "

A bang startled mother and daughter, who turned to look at Agdar who had hit the table with his fist.

"They fucking lied!" He yelled. "Right in our faces. We were desperately looking for our missing daughter and they lied. They forced us to stop looking. I can't believe this!"

Idunn tried to grab his hand to calm him down, but he stood up before she had the chance.

He walked a few steps away from the table and began pacing as he covered his face with his hands. "How could I've been so stupid – so gullible! Weselton and those 'caregivers' need to rot in hell."

"Calm down, Agdar."

"No. They will rot in hell. I'll make sure of it!" he yelled once again, not paying attention to his wife.

"We won't get involved, Agdar. And that's final." She knew he wasn't going to take the news lightly, for that reason she had tried to tell him the good things Elsa had shared with her.

He stopped pacing to look at her with a painful expression. "Idunn, she was there. Elsa was a few walls away from us! Don't tell me you're okay with this!"

Trying hard to remain calm, Idunn took a deep breath that she hoped could help Agdar calm down too. "Of course I'm not okay with this, Agdar. But I won't go against Elsa's wishes. Too many people have already done that…"

He opened his mouth to argue, but he closed it. It was clear he agreed with her in that regard, but still his anger was palpable. "I just wish for them to pay," he said in a low voice.

Idunn could only agree with him, but she didn't say anything. Instead, she looked at Anna and reassured her they were not going to do anything stupid.

---

Kristoff sighed as he climbed the stairs to his apartment after a long day. The last thing he had wanted to do that day was to work, but to his dismay his boss had called him soon after he had picked his truck in the early morning. He had apologised to a sleepy Elsa, and he had left in a hurry.

What he had hoped to be a short working day, had stretched and became an even-longer-than-usual day. He was exhausted; and what was worse, he hadn't been able to spend the previous night nor that morning with his sister. But at least, his boss had rewarded him with an off-day the following day.

As he opened the door, he wondered why Sven wasn't barking or jumping all over him, but he soon realised why. Against all odds, his sister had decided to stay in the city.

"Elsa?" he said, calling her attention. "What are you doing?"

Elsa looked around herself and then at Sven, who was by her side, before finally asking, "Setting the table?"

"I mean here!" said Kristoff with a smile. 

"Did you have plans? I can leave if your friends are coming." 

"You don't need to go anywhere," said Kristoff patiently, though he already wanted to smack her in the head. "And you know I wouldn't kick you out if my drunkard friends were coming. I didn't expect you to be here, that's all. I thought you had gone back to the mountain."

"I decided to stay and visit mum and dad. I wanted to have dinner with them but they had plans," she answered with a shrug. "So, I thought it was a good opportunity to have dinner together."

"Mum told you no? That's hard to believe." It wasn't a secret his mother had soft spot for Elsa after all.

"They had the anual dinner at the police station," Elsa explained while she arranged the dishes.

He left his jacket on the couch and walked to the kitchen ready to ask his sister what she had ordered, when he realised the stove was on and a tempting smell was coming from the pot. "Did you- did you cook dinner?"

"I tried. I hope it tastes as good as it smells."

Elsa seemed proud of her achievement, that was clear. The fact her food didn't smell like a burning building was in itself a miracle. "You cooked dinner."

"Don't start," she warned.

He looked inside the pot and was surprised to see a mouth-watering stew. In all their years together as brother and sister, Elsa had never been able to cook something that could be considered tempting, and Kristoff was not going to miss the opportunity to make fun of her. "Who are you and what have you done with my sister?" 

Elsa pushed him to the side so she could have access to the food. "Stop goofing around and hand me those bowls."

"What did you cook?" Stew was the obvious answer, but it didn't look or smell like Gerda's typical.

"Hunter's stew."

"Where did you learn to cook that?"

"Just a recipe I found…"

Kristoff could hear the hesitation in his sister's voice. She wasn't being completely honest, but he had no idea why. "You aren't trying to poison me, are you?"

"Shut up and eat your food," said Elsa as she pushed the hot bowl against his chest.

"Alright, alright!" He laughed and sat down in his usual place. He took a cautious first bite. It didn't matter how much he loved his sister, he could never be careful enough while trying food she had made herself. This time, however, the food was the complete opposite of what he was expecting. It wasn't the best dish he had ever tried, it wasn't even in the top twenty. But the fact it tasted good and it wasn't burnt was in itself a great achievement. "Unbelievable."

"What?" asked Elsa, worried she had messed up once again.

"This is edible."

"You're an arse."

Kristoff laughed loudly, making fun of her was too easy at times. "It's a compliment."

"Sure, tell Anna she doesn't look hideous one day. I'm sure she'll love the compliment." She sat down and took a bite herself. A small smile drew on her face, for the first time in forever her food wasn't a total waste.

"I'm messing with you," said Kristoff with a smile of his own when he noticed how pleased his sister was with the dish she had made. "Thank you. I know you hate cooking, it means a lot you took the time to cook something for me. A warm meal was all I needed."

"I wanted to thank you for last night."

He looked at her with a curious expression. “Thank me?”

She played with her food as she tried to find the right words. “I know you hate fights and getting involved in them. You helped Marshmallow last night in spite of that.”

He tried not to read too much into Elsa’s gratitude. He was sure if Anna were there with them, she’d be making several conjectures about Elsa and Marshall’s relationship; but he was not going to. If his sister ever felt something for the mountaineer, he was sure he’d be the first person to find out. “I guess what Hans did to him was unfair,” said Kristoff . “Anna getting involved herself had a lot to do too.”

“He feels awful for dragging you and Anna into it. He said he'll try to repay you.”

“Tell him I appreciate the feeling, but all I want is for him to be more level-headed next time. I won't tolerate him yelling at you for his problems ever again.” He wasn’t sure how he felt about Marshall if he were honest. It was true he didn’t like him at the beginning, but with time Kristoff had realised the big guy didn’t have ulterior motives and he seemed to honestly care about Elsa. But the previous night, his concerns had returned. It was clear Marshall wasn’t himself when he got angry. “Tell me, Elsa, do you trust the guy?”

Elsa stopped eating and raised an eyebrow. “Of course I do.”

“Aren't you afraid of him?” Noticing the worry in his sister’s face he clarified, “I'm not saying he's a bad guy, it's just- he's even stronger than he seems. The guy's unstoppable. And he clearly can’t control his anger.”

“He once told me he has problems controlling his anger,” Elsa admitted. “He asked me to try and keep him grounded anyway I could if he ever lost his temper around me. I didn't think much of it at the time.”

Elsa’s explanation did nothing to calm his nerves. How could she stay so calm around a man like him. “You’re not doing a good job convincing me I shouldn’t be concerned, sister.”

Contrary to what he expected, a small smile appeared on his sister’s face. “Last night I understood what you and Gerda have been trying to explain to me all these years. I can't blame myself – or Marshall in this case – for things we can't control. Marshall has anger management problems, but he tries hard to be a better person. I see guilt written on his face whenever he realises he has lost control…”

Kristoff gaped at his sister and all of a sudden understood her reasons. It didn’t take a genius to see why Elsa could relate so much with him.

“I see no reason not to trust him,” she concluded with a shrug. “You trusted me from the start, didn’t you?”

“Yeah… I did.” He felt like an idiot for not giving his sister more credit. After all, she was his shitty people detector, it was ridiculous not to trust her in this situation too. “Anna mentioned something similar last night. She said not helping Marshall would be like not helping you. Needless to say, it changed my mind about helping him immediately.” Maybe Anna hadn’t meant for him to share that information with Elsa, but it was the truth.

“No matter the reason, you helped him and that means a lot to me. Thank you.”

Brother and sister finished their food, but stayed at the table talking for a while. It had been a long time since they had had the chance to spend some time together, so they took the opportunity to talk about each other’s life, about Sven, and the family; just the way they used to do when they were still living together.

It didn’t take long for them to start talking about work. Kristoff told her about his relationship with his boss and how he was sure he’d get a promotion in the near future. It wasn’t a sure deal, but he was certain he was the best guy for the job. Elsa, on her part, told him about her plans for the season, and how her leg was practically at its full capacity once again.

“Are you still thinking about Marshall becoming your business partner?” asked Kristoff when he noticed Elsa didn’t seem so worried about the way she was going to organise her business.

“About that…” she said with a nervous smile. “We talked about it last night.”

“What?”

“He said yes in a heartbeat.”

“Didn't you say you were going to think about it a bit more?”

“We work well together. I think we can help each other out,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Are you sure concealing your powers won’t become a problem in the long run?” 

“It'll be fine.” Elsa gave him a knowing look. It was obvious she could see he was more worried than it was necessary. “I promise.”

Raising his hands in the air, he said, “If you think it’s a good idea, then I trust you. Just take care of yourself. I know it's physically challenging to keep your powers under control sometimes.”

He felt like a nuisance with his overprotectiveness, but all he wanted was the best for his family; but Elsa’s grin told him she wasn’t annoyed at all. They had come a long way together since they met and they both understood the other’s concerns.

“I truly think this arrangement is for the best. I know for a fact I can't keep working on my own, and Marshmallow will take a lot of responsibilities off my shoulders. Especially the business part. He knows more than me about this.”

He was surprised to see Elsa so eager for what was to come. For the first time, he saw her completely relaxed about what was to come and how her powers could affect her plans. Who was he to ruin her happiness with his concerns? “Then, I'm glad you found a way to keep working on your own. I'd hate to see you working for someone like Hans.”

She scoffed at the mere idea. “I wouldn’t work for him, not even for all the chocolate in the world after what he did to Marshmallow.”

“That’s all I wanted to hear.”

---

After an emotionally taxing day, Agdar entered his bedroom ready to call it a night. He wanted to forget for a moment the injustices of life and rest before he needed to face another week. Ever since Elsa had shown up in their life, he had tried to bury himself in work, hoping to find some distraction from the guilt that was eating him alive. But that unhealthy solution had only worked for a short time; lately, he found himself getting more and more distracted at work, and every new week was a challenge.

He was certain this new week was going to be even more difficult than the previous one. This time he was angry about the fact people in Trolheim’s orphanage had lied to his face. And what was worse, he could only blame himself for it. He had trusted Weselton, he had abandoned his daughter and, what was worse, he was the one who had bought their lies. Whenever he thought about how utterly stupid he had been, he wanted to punch himself in the face. Sadly, he needed to keep a formal appearance for his company, if not, he was sure he would have already done it.

He closed his bedroom door silently, thinking his wife was already asleep. But to his surprise, she was still up, sitting on his desk. “You're already writing a new letter, aren't you?” he asked, already knowing the answer. The thrill of receiving Elsa’s letter had given his wife renewed energy, and she had been talking about it all day.

“Yes! I'm so excited. I never imagined she would answer.”

She didn’t need to say it for him to notice. Anna and Idunn were two sides of the same coin, especially when they were excited. 

“And you were right about Helga! It took her some time, but she was able to find the book Elsa was talking about,” she said, as she handed him a brown paper bag.

“Really?” he asked. He knew Helga was really good at identifying books and stories, the old woman had read more stories than she could tell, but he never thought she was going to find it so soon. “That was fast.”

He took the book from inside the bag and paid a good look at it. For a moment he pondered about the different ways perceived the world based on their experiences. To him, children's books were nothing but that. Children’s books. It was clear that for Elsa, however, a children’s book could mean so much more. He smiled sadly, as he guessed that for her it was going to be like meeting an old friend. Pain and guilt washed over him once again at that realisation.

“She spent over an hour looking at the old children's books in her deposit,” Idunn continued, unaware of her husband’s sadness. “I'll send the book with this letter, see? I'm sure she'll like the surprise.”

He smiled at her and handed her the book. It was nice to see one of them was looking at the glass half full. “It's the happiest I've seen you in a very long time,” he commented.

“Why do you say it as if it were a bad thing?” she asked, turning around in her chair to look at him.

“No reason.” He hadn’t meant to sound pessimistic.

“Agdar…”

Finding no good reason to lie to his wife, he said, “I don't want you or Anna to get hurt. Elsa's got her reasons to be weary of us.” It pained him to know it was true. “And we can't force her to meet us if she doesn't want to. I'd hate the idea of seeing the two of you disappointed if things don't end up the way you're hoping.”

Idunn stayed silent for a minute, giving Agdar enough time to beat himself internally several times for giving her a reason to worry. 

“Then let's try to prove Elsa she can trust us. She might surprise us,” she said enthusiastically, not letting his worries affect her.

He leaned down and kissed her temple. Her strength had always helped him in the bad times, and this time in particular was no exception. “Weren't you the one who said we should give Elsa some time?” he asked, honestly curious.

“I won't pressure her to meet us. I only want to talk to her. Let her know who we are… and get to know her better…” She turned to him and asked, “is that a bad thing?”

“No, of course not.” It was the perfect thing to do in his opinion, as long as they didn’t overwhelm Elsa. “What are you writing about?”

Idunn picked the letter she had been writing and paid a look. “I told her about Helga and how we found the book. Now I'm recommending some books to her. In her letter, she said she spent hours on end reading stories as a teenager.”

“I thought she was just learning how to read and write…”

“She learnt when she was fifteen years old, Agdar.” He chuckled at the tiredness in her tone of voice. She was talking to him the way she used to when Anna was a kid and he forgot every single detail about her dance classes. “Anna says she only struggles with more difficult academic words or concepts.” 

Idunn then looked at him and asked, “Is there anything you'd like to ask her?”

“Me? Are you sure?” For some reason he couldn’t explain, he was certain Elsa wouldn’t like to hear from him.

“Of course. Why don’t you ask her if she likes hockey?”

“What kind of question is that?” he laughed.

“She’s a ski instructor,” Idunn said as if it was the most obvious reason in the world. “I’m sure she enjoys all kinds of sports. Besides, Anna never paid attention to the game. Weren’t you the one who always complained she wouldn’t accompany you to the arena?”

“Yes, but-”

“Just talk to her, Agdar,” she said, noticing her husband’s hesitation. “Let her know you care. Sometimes, a simple question means more than you think.”

“I guess I could write to her…” If he was honest with himself, there were so many things he wanted to learn about her. Her hobbies, favourite kind of music, about her business… Everything. He wanted to learn everything about her. He wanted to made up for all those years they weren’t there for her too.

As if she had read his mind, Idunn said, “you’ll feel better if you do, trust me. Just, don’t pressure her.”

“I won’t,” he reassured her.

“I know you won’t.” She stood up from the chair and kissed him on the top of his head. “I’m going to bed.”

---

After cleaning the dishes, Kristoff and Elsa lay on the couch with Sven and continued talking about everything and nothing. It was as if they were back to their younger years without a worry in the world; whenever Kai and Gerda had to leave town, they’d stay up late into the night just spending time together. Playing cards or simply listening to music.

The memory made Elsa realise the opportunity was perfect for her to learn how to play truco. More importantly, to learn how to beat Anna.

“Do you know how to play Truco?” she asked her brother all of a sudden.

“The card game Anna loves so much?” he asked. “Sure.”

“Can you teach me how to play?”

“I thought you already knew how to play.” 

“I know the rules,” she clarified. “But I can't beat Anna. No matter how hard I try.”

Kristoff laughed wholeheartedly, clearly aware of her competitiveness. “I can't believe you're putting more effort into this than improving your handwriting.”

Elsa scoffed, faking annoyance. “Why is everyone so obsessed with my handwriting?”

“It's illegible.”

“Will you teach me how to play or not?” she asked, wanting to avoid talking about the fact she hadn’t tried to improve her handwriting in months.

“Go fetch the deck, it's inside my desk’s drawer,” answered Kristoff, as he pointed to the door of his room. “I'll teach you how to read Anna's expressions. She's easy to read once you know what to expect from her.”

“Thank you!” Elsa jumped from her seat and went into the room not wanting to waste any second. She was going to surprise Anna next time they played.

She opened the drawer and had to rummage through his things to find it. When she finally did, she was nonplussed to see the velvet box which was behind the deck of cards. 

“Is this…?” she murmured to herself and picked it up to examine it. Inside the black box there was a golden ring with the most beautiful orange stone Elsa had ever seen.

Not being able to stop her curiosity, she walked out the room and surprised her brother with the question, “Kristoff… Are you planning to propose to Anna?” As she showed him the box she had found.

“What?!” Kristoff stood from the couch and walked towards Elsa, taking the box from her hands. “Where did you get this?”

Her brother’s anger called her attention. “It was inside the drawer.”

“And you thought it was okay to open the box?” he said in anger.

“It was open,” Elsa said, excusing herself. “You can't blame me when you leave an engagement ring lying around.” She saw him sigh and sat down once again. “Are you going to propose?”

“I was…” he said after a minute in silence. “A couple of months ago.”

“You were?” That didn’t sound okay. At first Elsa was hurt Kristoff hadn’t shared his intentions with her, but now she was truly curious and a little concerned. “What made you change your mind? I thought things were okay between you two…” 

“Things are fine. Don't worry.”

“Why did you change your mind then?”

“It doesn't matter,” he answered in a low voice.

Elsa knew something wasn’t right. Kristoff wouldn’t buy an engagement ring only to change his mind. Something had happened, and it worried her. “It does matter.” 

“I don't want to talk about it, Els.”

The nickname he rarely used let her see he was actually begging her not to ask too many questions. “Fine…” she agreed, letting him off the hook. But still, she had to ask her original question. “Why didn't you tell me? I would have loved helping you pick the ring. Though you clearly didn’t need my help, it’s beautiful.”

Kristoff smiled. “It was months ago. You couldn't move or leave the house at the time.”

Thinking about his answer, Elsa realised the only time she was unable to move was the first month after the accident. “You've had the ring since January? I can't believe you haven't said anything in over–” She stopped herself mid sentence when she realised the reason Kristoff didn’t want to talk about the ring. “You changed your mind after you found out Anna is my sister, didn't you?”

“As I said, it doesn't matter.” He closed the velvet box and put it inside his pocket.

Elsa opened her mouth in astonishment . “I can't believe this… You threw away your plans because of what happened? Why would you do that?”

“Why would I?” he exclaimed. “Are you listening to yourself? The world came crashing down on you and Anna, Elsa. I couldn't ask her to marry me when I couldn't look Agdar in the face anymore.” He was surprised his sister didn’t see the obvious reason. “I couldn't ask for the man's blessing when all I wanted to do was punch him in the face.”

“But Anna and you love each other.” That was all that mattered. Elsa walked to the couch and sat by his side. “You don't need to put your life on hold for me or Agdar… You don't need to punch him in the face either.,” she murmured as an afterthought.

“I know but–” A tired sigh stopped him. “You mean a lot to me. All I want is to see you happy.”

“And I want to see you happy.” Elsa couldn’t understand why he was being so dense. “I know for a fact Anna makes you happy. Don't be an idiot and ask her to marry you.”

“If I do, I’ll need to give the Arendelles a second chance,” he said, looking her in the eye.

“So?”

“So?” he repeated. “Don’t you mind?”

“Of course not, Kristoff. They are Anna's parents,” said Elsa with a small laugh. “It’s as if you stopped talking to them just because of me.” His sheepish smile told Elsa all she needed to know. “You haven't talked to them all this time, have you?”

“No.”

“For goodness sake, Kristoff!” Her brother’s loyalty was truly unbelievable. “I knew you were on my side on this, but I never thought you stopped talking to them altogether!” Elsa pinched the bridge of her nose, exasperated. “Please, stop making things harder for you and Anna. Go talk to them.”

“Are you sure?” 

Her heart warmed at Kristoff’s hesitation. She wasn’t sure what she had done to have someone like him in her life. “They care about you, Kristoff. I noticed it the night we had dinner together. You're part of their family.”

“What are you going to do?” he asked, surprising her.

“About what?”

“About your birth parents…” He scratched the back of his head, unsure if it was okay for him to ask. “Will you give them a second chance? I know you gave Anna a letter addressed to them.”

“Oh… I- I don’t know” she hesitated. “Idunn sent me some letters which let me see things in a different light. I'm still not sure what to do, but I guess answering back was a start.” She took a deep breath, “If I have to be honest, I only read them because I knew it would make Anna happy.”

A grin appeared on his face as he gave Elsa a side hug, “You're a great sister, did you know that?”

Elsa wasn’t sure if he was talking about him or Anna, or both. But she answered anyway. “Anna’s the reason I didn't burn those letters. I'm glad I didn't, though. I guess I needed to hear their side of things…”

---

Guess who’s back, people?! That’s right, my inspiration!

I am so, so sorry for the delay. When I uploaded the previous chapter in February I knew I was going to take some time off. I didn’t have many things written at the time, and I was about to start working on an entrepreneurship I want to start officially in a few months. The thing is, to be able to meet my own personal deadlines I have to work whenever I have free time from my regular job, which as you may guess isn’t a lot. So, all things combined, resulted in this delay.

I want to assure you I am not planning on abandoning this story. Every night, before I go to bed, I try to write one or two lines. I always end up changing some things, and correcting others. But rest assured that I always devote some time to Søsken (I even have some things written for an after story, which also took a lot of time from my hands.)

I also want to let you know that I read each and every comment and I love them. I treasure them a lot! I will try to answer all of you in the following days.

BTW, that entrepreneurship I was telling you about has some things to do with Frozen and Fandoms in general. I’m working on my own art toys collection, so if any of you are interested in seeing my main hobby, just send me a message.

Anyway, that’s all for now folks! Please leave a review saying what you loved / hated about the chapter. I was definitely rusty this time and I wouldn’t be surprised if you find several mistakes, but I didn’t want to delay this any longer.

Stay safe, everyone! Tagging time: @swimmingnewsie @melody-fox @kristoffxannafanatic @kristannafictionals @neptrabbit @skneez @ellacarter13 @wondering-in-life @who-i-am-8 @fanfictionrecommendations-com @815-allisnotlost @khartxo @joannevixxon @betweenthedreams @burbobah @rileysfs @earlvessalius @blood-jewel @disneydreamer8901 @the-sky-is-awake @disneyfan103 @the-magic-one-is-you @anamaria8garcia @welovefrozenfanfiction @bigfrozenfan-archive @bigfrozenfan @frozen-snips  @deisymendoza  @zackhaikal123 @cornstarch @roostercrowedatmidnight @showurselfelsa @fuzzyelsalikeiduna @when-dawn-arrives @drafteedragon @snowycrocus @tare8chan @localarendellian@wabitham @roostercrowedatmidnight  @just-your-local-history-nerd@dontrunintofirexoxo @daphmckinnon @poketin @bruni-is-love @luna-and-mars @anotherpersondrawing @lovelucywilde @shimmeringsunsets @aries1708 @wabitham @agentphilindaisy @anotherpersondrawing @spkfrozen  Let me know if the tags work!

[homosociallyyours]

Your last post about the ideal stunt girlfriend! I have some thoughts on this as well. I think first of all as you said the preference is that they just do not exist that is essentially why anything and everything they do seems to be picked apart. I am not sure what it is that someone can do then if their existence is the problem. (This is only in context of the 1D fandom because I have no idea how stunt girlfriend might be treated elsewhere). The blame for the closeting is placed entirely on the shoulders of the stunt girlfriend as if she is the one forcing a closeting whereas we do not know anything going on behind the scenes. (Just want to add that there is nothing wrong with someone choosing to be closeted in order to navigate a homophobic industry and world and to protect oneself.) I know the common story told about larry is that external people are forcing things upon them or are sabotaging them and there may well have been times where they were advised strongly (or manipulated and mistreated when they were younger by those who should have tried to help them in the industry) to stay in the closet but that does not mean that they do not have any agency at all for anything especially not in the present day. Perhaps in an ideal world they may choose to disclose their sexuality and their relationship (but even if they did not they do not owe that to anyone. Anyways the problem is heteronormativity and assuming people are straight by default). I do personally believe that both Louis and Harry want to at least be recognized as part of the LBTQA community for as long as they do not state things publicly (and also show that they are together to those that recognize it. I am a larrie so that is my belief lol) and possibly do want to come out at some point (both about their individual sexualities and their relationship) but until then they do have to perform heterosexuality for many numbers of reasons. And while they do that there is a need for a stunt girlfriend whether as PR or just for the purpose of appearing straight depending on their career needs. I know people who will speak out against attacks on Olivia might still have issues with Eleanor because one is PR and one is not (this is a simplified version of the reasons and I don't want to go into comparisons or reasonings people have for anything. At the end of the day neither attacks is justified to me.)

Okay this is already quite long and I haven't yet got to the point sorry about that. I think at the end of the day the purpose of the stunt girlfriend (when there is no PR involved) is to help maintain the closet until the closet is required. It doesn't matter who the person is tbh. If it were not Eleanor it would have been someone else so people who say things about Eleanor's personality, looks, character, mistakes she may have made do not make sense to me. None of these people know her yet they have made their own head canon version of her which is always a negative version. It would be the same no matter who was in her place. I think Louis' purpose for Eleanor specifically has to do with the story he wants to tell with his music and in interviews (a story that could possibly be most similar to his actual relationship perhaps even if not entirely the same) and I do believe Eleanor specifically helps tell it (as his longest public relationship). It allows him to mention a girlfriend that has "helped him" through tough times and give anecdotes about his "girlfriend". I think Eleanor probably does other things behind the scenes like a personal assistant as well we just do not see it. But the Eleanor we do see is the image that we are shown, the image that tells the story that Louis wants told. And that story in itself is so interesting and to me just confirms things that I believe about his actual relationship. So its more intriguing to me than something to stress over or look at negatively. I don't know Eleanor but what I know is this is her job and she will do it. It is work and I don't know why it has been villainized. I understand being frustrated by the situation and feeling like Louis (and Harry) may have not been happy through stunts in the past (potentially) but that does not translate to hating the stunt girlfriend. Disliking a situation you are in does not mean you dislike everyone who is part of it. But yeah anyways the end point is I do not see any situation in which people would be happy with a stunt girlfriend.

It doesn't matter which song she posts there will always be some criticism over it. It doesn't matter if she just posts herself with dogs or doing influencing there will be a problem. It doesn't matter whether she posts about Louis or not there will be criticism in either case. Lastly it doesn't matter if she talks with Louis' sisters or not either way there will be arguments that they are not on good terms. So I am not quite sure what it is that an ideal stunt girlfriend can do for fans. I don't see any situation where people who have already decided to have a problem just based on the concept of her being a stunt girlfriend will suddenly stop. But talking about these things might help at least some people understand the bias? I just think the best approach is that she keep doing what she feels is best according to the story that she has to tell and ignore the criticism (which can be tough I know because of the immense amount of hate you can get for it). I think if I were to find and guide someone my focus would be on guiding them on how to navigate the hate and I guess general tips based on the story that needs telling. And I think when it comes to finding someone it is probably a mix of finding someone who would look like what the ideal image of a girlfriend to a popstar should look like (which has its own problems and really we need to reevaluate standards of deciding these things) and also someone who can do the other behind the scenes work too?

Idk I have done a lot of rambling (and still probably haven't got all my thoughts down lol) but it was definitely an interesting post that led to some thoughts I felt like discussing. I hope you do not mind my sending an anon with all these thoughts. You do not have to post it if you are afraid of the reaction and can instead reply in tags?

I just want to end with agreeing with what you said about considering bearding to be like sex work. And also thankyou for your post.

hi nonny! thank you for your long and thoughtful response :) i hope you don't mind that i'm publishing it-- i think you made some good points and i appreciate that you really tried to answer the question of who to pick and what to guide them to do. image would definitely be key, as would an internet presence of some kind. i imagine celeb pairings would mean more frequent but less involved appearances while a famous/not famous pair would be able to get away with fewer public spottings but maybe more in depth/intimate scenarios.

and i really think there's just no way to please everyone, but you're right that the blame for closeting seems to fall on the shoulders of the woman who's bearding. :/// that often goes hand in hand with the narrative that they're (still) being forcibly closeted instead of looking at the very real history of ex-boybanders and performers who came out, which is relatively bleak/unsuccessful and making a decision to try to gain more credibility as solo artists.

meanwhile i share your perception that they want to be seen/read as LGBTQ+ by those of us who are part of that community. signalling is real, and it's not based on stereotypes like "oh he wore makeup! he has a limp wrist!" i mean as a queer femme from the south, when i go home i tone myself down quite a lot, but i still wear/use symbols that other queer people are more likely to notice, tell stories about myself that indirectly mention my gender and sexuality, and engage with queer history when possible in ways that straight people just. wouldn't perceive.

but of course you can do all of that and STILL want or need to be in the closet!

i really appreciate you responding to my question, even though i think you're right that there's no answer that would make the hatred these women get any less virulent. i do hope that, like you said, talking about it is at least useful in getting more people to realize that maybe it's undeserved? beards don't build the closets, they just stand there to make sure nobody walks in on the person they're working with while they're half naked, basically.

[princesspiratecat]

The Rise and Fall of the Shepard Family Part 22: Spring, 1083

(This is a long one, but hopefully worth the read!)

Part 1& Part 2

Part 3 & Part 4

Part 5 & Part 6 & Part 7

Part 8 & Part 9 & Part 10

Part 11 & Part 12 & Part 13

Part 14 & Part 15 & Part 16

Part 17 & Part 18 & Part 19

Part 20 & Part 21

Never before had Gwendolyn felt so happy as she did when her sister had arrived to visit her at her little hovel. She hadn’t been able to stop the tears from flowing, and soon both of them were wiping them away. 

After the servant had left, Gwyn had demanded to know everything, but Gwendolyn didn’t know where to begin. There was so much to tell, and all of it pained her to speak of. 

“Is this really where you are now residing? This little hovel?” Gwyn turned a discerning eye towards the house as they walked nearer to it, and Gwendolyn felt herself blush with shame. She had tried to keep it neat and tidy, but there wasn’t much she could do without a proper set of tools. The hovel was just too poorly constructed for even the most basic of shelters. It felt like a blessing when the weather had finally turned and she no longer had to worry about rain falling on her bed. She could only hope it would not snow or rain again.

“I’m afraid so. The day of my birthday Marcelle hastily had my bags packed and drove me here in a covered wagon. He told me this would be my new home after we arrived. I should have suspected something that morning based on his behavior.....but I fear, I blindly trusted him.”

“Do not blame yourself. How could you have known what he was going to do? This has taken us all by surprise. When I found out you had been sent away, I could hardly believe it. It is Marcelle that must take the blame, not you.” As they reached the front room, Gwendolyn stoked the fire and began to prepare a meal, as the sun would be setting soon and she imagined her sister must be hungry. She immediately noticed how much food there was in the basket, and it was of better quality than what she normally was given.

 “What do you mean, us? How did you come to find out that I was here in the first place?” They sat down to a nice hot bowl of soup Gwendolyn had made from a fat hare she had caught yesterday. 

“I didn’t. Francine wrote about a month ago, and the letter had been given to me by Oswin.”

“Oswin? You mean, Oswald’s younger brother?”

“The very same, yes. I had thought it strange that she hadn’t invited me to visit her for such a long time, but in the letter she explained that she had suddenly been forbidden to see me by Marcelle, yet didn’t say why. In her next letter, she told me that the engagement had been broken off, and you had been sent away, but that she didn’t know where you had gone. When I confronted Aélfgiva about seeing you, she said she would talk to Marcelle. Not long afterwards, he wrote to say that a servant would fetch me in the morning to take me to you, and here I am.”

The humiliation that Gwendolyn had endured upon being sent off was awful in and of itself, but the idea that her entire family was now somehow tainted, and not good enough to associate with any of the Allards, hurt her even more. “ I had not thought that my exile had been extended to my entire family. This is worse than I had imagined.” 

“What exactly did he say to you? How did he justify his actions!? How could he bring you to this shithole, in the middle of a forest?!”

Slowly, Gwendolyn revealed all that her sister did not yet know. She tried not to dwell on the parts of the story that were especially painful, and rushed through his unkind words when he had dragged their family down to the mud, implying that they were nothing. She found it was nearly impossible for her to say the exact words he had said about their father, because the loss of him was still fresh pain for both of them. But somehow she got through it all, and then shared how she now viewed everything. 

“This hovel....this dung heap of a house, is his feeling about me, about us- made manifest and clear. But it’s worse than our house was. It’s worse than anything I’ve ever had to endure. And I was left alone to fend for myself when the snow storm came. I had to find food for myself, otherwise I would have starved.”

There was such anger on her sister’s face at hearing those words. “What about your dowry?! We had so many excellent animals. Surely it was worth more than this!”

“Oh Gwyn.....don’t you see? This is my dowry. This hovel is now all that I have....” Putting her troubles into words made them all the more real and soon Gwendolyn could not stop the sobs from violently shaking her body again. She got up and leaned her head against the counter, as the tears just kept on coming. 

Gwyn said nothing, but silently cried as well. 

“I’ve been clinging to the idea of Frances for months now. And I cannot understand why he hasn’t come to see me, even if it’s just to say goodbye. Am I really so terrible that I do not deserve such simple consideration? How can I be his future bride one day, and the next not even fit to say a single word to him? I cannot make sense of it......” she was sobbing so hard now that she could not continue. 

“Oh, please don’t upset yourself further. I do not believe Frances has any idea where you are”, said Gwyn. That got her attention and her head snapped up.

“What!?”

“I do not believe any of them know. Marcelle must have kept it a secret from all of them, because if one of them knew, they would all find out. Frédérique would never keep a secret like that from her brother, nor would Francine. The letter that she sent made it clear. He could not write to you, so she wrote to me. And that is why Marcelle forbade any of them from speaking to any of us.”

“I had not considered that. But....you must be right.”

“Perhaps that is also why Marcelle sent me a map and allowed me to see you. He still thinks that his children will blindly obey him. Indeed, he must feel very comfortable with that idea, which is why he didn’t think it necessary to keep you and I apart any longer. If his children don’t speak to us, he has no reason to continue punishing you.”

“Yes. He may also not want to be seen as the type of man who punishes two young girls who have done nothing wrong. I noticed how he sent a lot more food, of higher quality this time around. He even sent linens. He has never done that before. He wants to appear the good benefactor still- at least to you and Aélfgiva.”

After a long silence Gwendolyn gained some composure of herself and sat down by the fire again, staring into the orange flickering flames. It gave her some relief to know that Frances didn’t know where she was, and perhaps hadn’t given into his father so easily. Everything her sister had said made perfect sense. 

“I like to think that Marcelle has some heart left. I like to think that he still cares about us. Only his pride got in the way", said Gywn. Her sentiments may have been true, but Gwendolyn no longer wished to think about him. It was now time to turn their minds to the task of getting her out, and how they would accomplish that.  

“I must speak with Frances. I must. I have had so long to ponder the situation, if I don’t get any answers, I fear I will lose my mind and go mad.”

"Of course you shall. And I will assist you in any way that I can.”

The next morning they poured over the map and calculated that Gwendolyn had been taken over twenty miles from the Allard estate to the hovel, which was in the middle of two very small villages that neither had heard of. Having no money and few resources, the main obstacle in her leaving would be where she would go. She could not stay at the orphanage, and of course going back to the estate was impossible. 

“If only you had parted on better terms with Oswald, then perhaps we could ask his family”, Gwyn said. 

“What better way could there have been? Oswald did not want to break off the engagement for any reason. I tried to spare his feelings as best as I could, but given that I hadn’t seen him for so long....it was difficult. I realized that day that he had changed beyond recognition to me, and I no longer knew him.”

“You have been engaged most of your life to someone, and yet still remain unmarried. Do you not ever wish you had married Oswald instead? At least you would not be alone now.” 

Gwendolyn’s features clouded into sadness, as she had realized the same thing her sister spoke of from the very beginning of her troubles. Her life seemed to consist of always waiting, always hoping, always dreaming of having a family of her own and finding that she belonged somewhere, and she resented it. 

“Maybe, but would I have been happy? What Frances and I had was real, and what Oswald and I had was a youthful fancy. I know that now that I am older. I can never go back.” 

When they tallied up their resources, it was decided that Gwyn would return home when the servant came to fetch her, as was planned. She would then combine the meager allowance she and Edith were given at the orphanage, and income from the pelts of the animals Gwendolyn had caught, and try to procure a horse. Then she would ride back and come and fetch her sister, then they would ride to Grimsby. She would speak with Frances at any cost and Gwyn agreed that it was imperative that she do so- even if it meant further punishment from Marcelle.

The next morning was a cold one, and snow began again to fall upon the ground, but only lightly. Despite the foul weather she knew she would have to shelter herself from, she felt better than she had in months. 

“You have Mama’s strength, and you will get through this. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

She tenderly embraced her sister goodbye, and watched the wagon grow smaller and smaller as it slowly disappeared down the road, which was beginning to freeze. She sat down upon a log and got lost in her thoughts, contemplating how happy the visit had made her. It had brought her comfort, relief from her loneliness, and hope all at once. She was lucky that she still had some family left, even if they were orphans now. I’m not alone. I have the love of my sisters. 

She turned to head into the house, but then heard a horse in the distance and stopped to listen. It was the sound of a single horse, and she wondered if something had gone wrong with the wagon. Was her sister in trouble? The sound grew closer and closer, and she headed back down the path to the road, shivering slightly in the cold. But it was not the servant or her sister on this horse. It was Frances.

[lucysweatslove]

Gonna get real for a min here.

It's a lot of... not great feels here so I'm putting it beneath a Read More. It's also very long; this is just a journal for me to put down feels, not necessarily for other people to read. This could be triggering for people, so also a content warning: calories, weight loss, eating disorders/disordered eating. There's a LOT of number talk in here.

First things first: I'm not currently taking my medication. I'm on Wellbutrin SR (the 12 hour formula, not the instant release nor the 24 hour release), and my current Rx is for 200mg. I find it hard to tolerate sometimes as it affects my physical signs of anxiety- eg, rapid heart rate- but also, long story short, I fainted in November and now my health anxiety is really high. I think I know why I fainted (husband was post-op and got a strong opiate in his IV and I was terrified because it's a scary drug), but I also had myclonic jerks (read: it looked like a seizure) and with all my other health stuff, I'm just... scared? Any time something feels "not quite right," I get nervous.

When my little sister made her comment about my body around New Years, I think I kind of broke a little bit and decided I needed to change my body. Part of this is because I hate the body comments and just want them to stop, and the other part of it... as messed up as it is, I look back on ED me with nostalgia and longing. When you're thin and you have a restrictive ED, people are understanding and kind. When you're fat and have a restrictive ED, you're alone in dealing with it. People expect your ED to be BED (NO shame to those with this disorder!) and seem to short circuit when you correct them. It's like "fat person is eating too much" is the ONLY thing they can think of, and when you say it's the opposite, they have no idea what to do other than invalidate you. "Are you sure?" "You must not be tracking your calories right." "You'll be healthier if you lose weight, so just lean into it." Even celebrating weight loss in general.

It's become a difficult thing for me: I simultaneously want to lose weight while wanting to not care about my body, to just exist in my body, to be able to be celebrated for eating good food and exercising in general. And yet, that isn't something that happens. Anyway, I decided to start tracking total nutrition again, but just not talk about the calories/energy balance part of it. This was hidden, just for me to know, so nobody would comment on it. I opted to use Cronometer instead of MFP because I can track TOTAL nutrition and make sure I was still getting micronutrients vital to my health.

Initially I planned a HUGE deficit. I wanted to go back to feelings of hunger, feeling in control, hoping it would help me feel in control of med school apps. About a week and a half into it, I was like, nah I need to eat more. So I did. I justified it with "I'm still on track to lose 2.5 lbs a week instead of 3.5 a week; by my birthday I'll still be so much smaller!" Initially, I had some struggles- esp in week 2- where I tried to do more Controlling Behavior (eg, not eat when hungry), but overall my goal was, while I wanted a calorie range, it was more important that I a) ate when I was hungry, b) ate a variety of foods and included fruits and veg, and c) hit micronutrient goals as a whole over the course of a week. Essentially, although I was tracking calories, I didn't force myself into a caloric goal, focused more on mindfullness and other aspects of nutrition, felt like for the first time I was getting to the point where I COULD track numbers and be okay with it, not obsessive.

I also started to weigh myself daily again. I've done this many times before, it's never been a real trigger for myself, and honestly it USUALLY helps me put things into perspective. I gain weight one day after a high-volume, high-fiber day. I lose weight one day after not meeting hydration goals. I gain weight one day after eating more carbs after activity and refilling my glycogen. I lose weight after my stomach was really upset. I can handle day to day ups and downs, there's always an explanation not related to fat, but it is still a "body checking" behavior. And then when I look at the weekly trends, I'm not pleased. It's not progressing fast enough based on what I'm doing.

Here's the reality: in week 1, I "lost" 7 pounds. I logically know a lot of this is glycogen and water loss. In week 2, I "gained" 0.8 lbs. I logically know that the prior week was a lot of water loss, and I started eating more. I'm not worried yet, as I know that the large week 1 weight loss has to balance out in the end. In week 3, I "lost" 1 lb exactly. I get a little disappointed; that means in the last 2 weeks, I only "lost" 0.2 lbs. I remind myself- 7 lbs in one week isn't realistic, so it could still be glycogen related, water related, etc. A difference of 8 lbs in 3 weeks is decent! In week 4, I "lost" another 0.4 lbs. At this point I am frustrated. I hovered all week. I try to tell myself- glycogen! Water weight! Bathroom habits! But now I'm average ~2 lbs a week, and I'm getting close to where I should be seeing an actual dip again and I'm not. I've lost weight, but I'm still 4 lbs heavier than where I initially wanted to be at this point.

Enter February. There is a +1.4lb gain overnight. This I am POSITIVE is glycogen- I went to the gym the day before and decided to properly fuel my body with carbs. But where does this leave me? Realizing that the prior lack of weight loss likely wasn't related to additional glycogen, because now it is.

So what do I do now? My math brain plots my trajectory over the last ~3.5 weeks; using daily values, it's about -0.75 lbs per week, and using weekly values over the last 3.5 weeks, it's -0.58 lbs per week.

I freak the every living eff out, because I've been so honest in my food journaling. Looking at the same 3.5 week period, I'm averaging 1226 kcal in/day, 94 g of protein a day. Based on my watch which is imperfect at best, I average 536 kcal/day burned during exercise. If we just assumed I ate at maintenance for daily living (eg, BMR, NEAT, thermic effect of food, etc), that 536 kcal/day would predict more than what I'm losing in this last ~3.5 week period.

So what if I add in the first week, the first large WHOOSH? Daily trendline is about -1.34 lbs/week, and weekly is about -1.74 lbs/week.

Now I expand the nutrition analysis for the whole month, and the short story is I see a purported avg caloric balance of -1344. Extrapolated that's ~2.69 lbs/week, which is... significantly more extreme than the trendlines. Literally DOUBLE when we look at the daily trendline. Logical math brain is looking at this and thinking, where is this coming from?? Let's assume that the watch accounts for both NEAT and exercise, and let's assume that thermic effect of food is negligible. In other words, daily calories burned are only BMR + whatever my watch lists as activity. That would be associated with -1.85 lbs/week. That's STILL higher than what my trendlines plot me at. Which means... what? That my watch greatly overestimates calories? That my metabolism is still so damaged?

Weight is so, so SO highly variable from so many things, and knowing that, I take the day to day with a grain of salt and don't mind the ups and downs. Seeing just the weekly stuff, especially over a period of a month, it's like... I expected something different. I expected a better trend. I expected to not feel stuck where I'm at. I expected to have more rational reasons for any stalling, but I don't.

It's just... discouraging, I think. I have no actual health condition that would be doing this. I've put on so much weight over so long that there shouldn't be any long lasting metabolic damage from my prior ED, and yet, maybe there is. I think back to when my like 5' friend (significantly shorter than I am) dropped 30 lbs in like 2 months and continued to lose weight and now wears an XS and quite literally has a thigh gap, but she's eating cinnamon rolls and going out to eat and literally never works out at all. None of it was intentional, just post-divorce. I think about my other friend who is around the same height and weighs like 90-100 lbs and basically always has except for when she was pregnant and how her concern is getting ENOUGH calories in.

It's all like... why is it that I have to put forth so much effort? Not just more effort to control my shape, but more effort than other people my size and shape because I have to be careful not to slip into ED territory again? And as truly fucked as it sounds... why do I get all the negatives of a history of an ED but none of the social benefits, like people actually listening to you and validating your experience?

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XCVIII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

The Mirror

(13x09/13x10)

Hi there!!! We are here today to talk about Mirrors. A very known Destiel mirror in the fandom: Claire and Kaia and and Patience as a switch mirror between Castiel and Jack.

The One that Walks between Worlds

Episode 13x09 starts with Jack and the Dream Walker.

That scene recalled me to Constantine movie scene in which Keanu put his feet in water and takes a cat, because he said Cats where a portal between this world and the after life dimension.

Well, Jack is the cat her, he's the portal between worlds and also, he's a resume of all of them himself: HELL/HEAVEN AND EARTH.He is Light and Dark (that's why Amara ended up being part of him).

We jump into the scene with Sam and Dean. Dean asks about Cas because we have Asmodeus calling them using Castiel's voice, they don't suspect nothing.

Then, Dean calls Patience, but the girl doesn't answer.

She's under his father's commands. Just like Castiel was with Heaven, but she's receiving Dean's calls, as Castiel did, and she will end up answering and rejecting his father plans for her.

Not Just we have a Castiel mirror here, but also Jack: because we will see him interacting with Lucifer in this season, listening to his plans for him. And Jack will end up following his heart, and rejecting all of those plans.

Visual Narrative

There's a quick scene when Sam and Dean parks Baby in front of a painted wall.

This was something that @gneisscastiel explains magnificently in this meta here.

The wall had this drawing...

Pic credit: @lets-steal-an-archive

Berens delivered us an episode in which an artist (the Dream Walker) painted the different worlds he had dreamt. And now, we have this wall here, the writer wants us to pay attention to it: As it was described by @gneisscastiel, the blue wings represents Castiel, in front of the huge number of yellow birds (angel) as if they were being guided by the kid (Jack in blue) and Castiel back to Heaven. The Restoration of Heaven. Wich was what happened at the en of the show, and what I suspect, intended to be one of the main plots in season 15, that see the light properly, just in a few words said by Bobby to Dean in Heaven.

Playing with mirrors: Patience, Jack and Castiel

To continue with this game of switching mirrors, we hear Jack saying this to Sam and Dean:

Jack: You don't... I'm– I'm doing this for you.

If this is not. Cas mirror, I don't know then heheh.

It was the excuse Castiel gave to Dean on seasonn6 in their first break up. As if that could justify go into the dark side. Well, Jack won't go into the dark side in a way Castiel did turning into Godstiel, but he will be souless in season 14 Wich will be a huge problem.

There's another visual element with an image of Jesus Christ crucified, which always was a reference for Jack, as the Savior, the Messiah.

Another thing to point out is Dean in soldier mode, focused, just like Cas is about Jack. This is important because that's the idea Dean will express to Castiel in a future.

And back to Patience...

Patience: You raised me to do what's right, and this is what's right. If I don't go, people will die.

This could be taken the moment Cas decided to fall and how Jack will take his decisions, based on what his new family will teach him.

And then Kaia...

Kaia: I mean, you picked the wrong bait. I'm not the kind of girl folks come for. In this world, I don't even rank a milk carton. No one is gonna come for me. I'm not white, rich, blonde. No one's gonna fight for me. I don't matter.

This point of view full of sadness and depression, is related with Castiel in season 12. There's patrons in Kaia behaviors that reminds us to Castiel in season 12, where we had his death. And that's because Kaia will repeat Castiel's ending in the next episode.

Repeating the ending of season 12

Episode 13x10 starts with Claire hunting, but also Jody calling her by the phone saying this:

JODY (on the phone with CLAIRE)

They were on a hunting trip and I haven’t heard from them in a few days. It’s time to come home.

A recalling to episode 'Pilot'.

But let's focus in Kaia and Claire relationship:

At first it's a kind of enemies to friends trope, just like Dean and Castiel.

When they're talking about their scars, Kaia reaches out her finger to touch Claire's forehead. Just like Cas does when he heals Dean. But the symbolo of talking about their scars, is related to Destiel too. How one broken man with too many scars found love and comfort in a broken angel with his own scars too.

KAIA: You’re scared.

CLAIRE:

Yeah. Jody always said I’d get myself killed, hunting, and I’d be like, good. If I’m going to go out then that’s how I want to do it, doing something great. But Patience’s vision… It’s one thing thinking that you’re going to die but actually knowing it? For once a part of me kinda just wants to sit back and let Jody handle it, you know? Stay safe. But Sam and Dean saved my life and I can’t sit this one out.

KAIA: Then don’t. If you go, I’ll go with you. Maybe together we can save them.

Kaia talking about her own death is a blatant mirror of Dean and Kaia saying "I'll go with you" is Cas. As a demonstration of his devotion and incondicional love towards the hunter. And, of course, loyalty to the end.

Kaia supposed dead it's similar to Castiel's. With a rift to another world involved.

But also the trope: two lovers separated by a rift to two different dimensions, is just how Destiel ended up in 15x18.

To Conclude:

Wauwards Sisters had en entire episode and one prelude because the idea was to make a spin-off with their story which, sadly, never saw the light.

But the repetition of the Destiel tragedy with Kaia and Claire, giving them a very romantic atmosphere, and the Berens admitting that was written to be a Destiel mirror, is another evidence that Castiel dying and suffering as he suffered was because he's in love with Castiel.

Hope you like this meta, see you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you wan to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from season 12 here you have the links:

Vol. XCIII, XCIV, XCV, XCVI, XCVII

Buenos Aires, January 31 2021 2:21 PM