#one thing is sure: i’m glad i’ve waited because it wouldn’t be the same if i did it back in high school with a random guy

[arlestial]

❝trick me once, trick me twice❞

synopsis : "A lie can destroy a relationship in a second", they’ve said. Isagi would be the first to agree, if he wasn’t lying to you so frequently.

pairing : Isagi Yoichi x genderneutral!reader •— Blue Lock

tw : Fluff (mentions of reader wearing a dress, no she/her pronouns though)

word count : 3.8k

author-note : Hi !! It’s been a while I haven’t written for my favorite 🫶🏻 I came back from my vacations in Austria (it’s probably the prettiest country I have ever visited, by the way) and I’m glad to write for y’all again ! Thank you for all your likes and reblogs on my last post, I was very touched :( <3 Not proofread, I’ve been writing this while my car was getting fixed 😭 Reblogs are very appreciated !! Anyways, take care of yourselves ♡

ISAGI YOICHI’s parents had always told him not to lie. And when he was a kid, he agreed; lying was a bad thing. "It could hurt people around you," his mum said once. While growing-up, he obviously disobeyed, and lied; but he tried to stick to this old mantra of his, avoiding it at all costs. Telling the truth was far more beneficial, after all. Lying would only lead to complications, fights, and an overall loss of trust. And he didn’t want that, of course. Nobody would.

When ISAGI YOICHI and you got together, he quickly became a version of himself he feared to be, a version of himself he promised to stay away from. It was surprising how easily he was lying to you, and how trustful you were, believing everything he’d say. It was utterly frustrating — not because of you being too credulous about his words — but because he wasn’t feeling any guilt at all. Why ? Since lying turned into the most beneficial, advantageous and the quickest way to obtain what he wanted. People can’t be hurt about things they aren’t aware of, right ?

ISAGI YOICHI started his scheming with the weather. At first, he tried to convince himself it wasn’t too perverse, but he quickly realized it was. When you asked him to check the weather to see if it was hot enough outside this evening to wear a dress for your date, he replied yes without even looking. He knew it’ll be chilly when you’ll both get out of the restaurant. But he lied.

You shivered when the breeze hit the bare skin of your arms, goosebumps forming immediately after Isagi opened the door of the restaurant for you to walk out. You turned to look at him.

"It’s colder than what I expected. You said it would be hot, right ?"

Isagi approached you, a frown displayed on his features — he delicately ran his hand on your arm, feeling the soft skin under his palms.

"Yeah, I thought so too. The weather app’s forecasts were wrong, I guess."

You sighed, and at this very moment, he knew you had believed him. He smiled to himself, and took off his coat, draping you with it.

"Here. I wouldn’t want you to catch a cold, would I, baby ?"

You hummed softly, thanking him; he even got a kiss from you as a reward for his kindness. Well, now, he could see you in his clothes and in a dress at the same time, which was definitely a success. He didn’t even have to ask you to wear his stuff anymore — everything was already planned, even when you were coming over.

"I was sure I left one of my shirts in your drawer, though."

"It’s not a big deal, babe. I have plenty I can lend you."

And now he had you, in his bed, curled up against him while you were both watching a movie, wearing his shirt. What you obviously didn’t know, was that you did have a shirt in his drawer. Such a coincidence it was under all of his…

ISAGI YOICHI’s lies didn’t stop at the weather. No, now that he was assured you believed him, he could continue his shenanigans without the fear of getting caught. You are going to eat something warm ? Wait ! You shouldn’t, you could singe your tongue. Let him take the first bite first, just to make sure it’s riskless for you to eat.

"Can I taste it ?"

"You already took a bite earlier," You replied with a lifted eye-brow, perplexed by his demand.

"Yeah, but I didn’t really enjoy the taste, you know. I was too busy wondering if it’d burn you."

"Fine. But don’t take a big bite, I’m still hungry."

"Of course, darling. I’d never."

He carefully took a bite of your food, with your fork — or chopsticks, depending on the plate — humming as he felt the sweet savour you were experiencing just before on his own tongue.

"It’s not bad."

"Right ? I love it."

He killed two birds with the same stone. Sure, he appreciated to eat, but it was irrelevant here. He ate from the same fork as you — so you two kissed indirectly. He was a bit ashamed to lie about not remembering the taste of your food. He did, but he wanted to kiss you. But who could blame him ? He just wanted to be as close as possible with you, and he couldn’t touch you directly all the time. It was a tad embarrassing to ask for kisses, too.

ISAGI YOICHI also helps you when you want to wear several necklaces at the same time. It’s plain frustrating when you try to fasten them without tying a chain to the wrong one. But don’t worry, Isagi has your back. He wouldn’t let you struggle by yourself when he has the opportunity to do it for you.

"They’re tangled, darling."

"They are ? I swear to god—", you groaned, ready to fight with the pendants around your neck.

"Turn around for me," He told you, and you did. Of course. He brushed your hair to the side, allowing himself to look at the ties of the necklaces. They weren’t tangled at all. But it wouldn’t be fun if they weren’t. He removed each one of your perfectly tied chains, before carefully fastening them again — his hands lingering on your skin longer than necessary.

"Here you go, babe," He finally muttered, his arms wrapping around your waist from behind, pressing a gentle kiss to your shoulder, earning a smile from you. His favorite reward.

If lying was that bad, why did it feel so good ?

[maverices]

post-TG AU, in which Mav gets re-assigned to another squadron after his own is dissolved, and is greeted by a familiar face. set a couple of years after the movie. (wordcount: ~1k)

---

„Commander Kazansky, I believe you know Lieutenant Commander Mitchell? He’s been assigned to fill the spot in your squadron.“

Wait, what?

„Yes, thank you, Captain.“ If Iceman is surprised to see him, he doesn’t let it show on his face. Maverick isn’t too sure what his own is doing, in part because he has no idea what he’s feeling.

„Maverick.“

He controls his face, takes the offered hand and squeezes it, briefly.

„Iceman.“

The captain glances between them, looking for god-knows-what, and then nods. „I’ll leave you to it.“

They both stand to attention until he’s left the room.

„So,“ Mav drawls, turning to face Ice, „who am I replacing?“

„Me.“

„What?“

„Our CO was injured and had to take an extended medical leave. The position has been filled, but we’re still a pilot short.“

„And by the position being filled you mean…“

„I am the commanding officer of the VFA-25.“

„So you’re like, a Commander-commander now.“ Ice’s blank expression is definitely straining now, and Maverick really needs to move on from this.

„Is this going to be a problem? I can ask for you to be re-assigned, if that’s what you want.“

„And leave me with yet another mark on my record? No, thank you.“

„There are ways to do this that wouldn’t reflect badly on either of us.“

„I’ll manage. Sir.“

Ice doesn’t bare his teeth at him the way he used to, but Mav is still intimately familiar with the way frustration looks on his face.

„Look, Mav. I didn’t request for you to be here, but I am glad that you are. I would love to fly with you again, and that’s why I need to know that we’re on the same page here.“

„And what page would that be?“

„You are my friend, Mav, and my wingman. I trust you, with my life.“ He draws a deep breath, clenching his fist around the backrest of his chair, a concession to his emotions Mav has never seen him make. (Only heard, guessed at, in an empty locker room back at Miramar.) „But as of today, you are also my direct subordinate. I need you to separate Ice, your friend, from Commander Kazansky, your CO.“

„You give this speech to everyone in your squadron?“

„No?“

„So you trust them to keep things professional, but not me? Jesus Christ, Ice, I’ve been in the Navy as long as you. I clawed my way up from the Reserve to become one of the best aviators the Navy has, and I can guarantee you, while my sheer talent and my irrestible charm has opened me a lot of doors, they would have closed just as quickly if I didn’t learn the importance of keeping my mouth shut, occasionally. I know how this works.“

Under any other circumstances, Mav would tease the hell out of Ice for his stunned expression. In contrast to his usual aloof arrogance, he’s doing the Iceman-equivalent of staring at Mav with his jaw on the floor.

Ice rubs a hand over his face, and sinks into his chair.

„I know,“ he mumbles. „I know that. I didn’t mean to come at you like this, it’s just-- it’s not you, it’s me.“

Ice grimaces the second he says it, and Mav starts laughing despite the tension in the air.

„Real original, Kazansky. Got any more where that came from, or are you going to tell me what’s really going on here?“

Ice hesitates, so Mav adds with a conspiratioral smirk, „Y’know, just as a friend telling a friend his troubles.“

„Did you know I’m the second-youngest officer in the squadron? Third-youngest, now that you’re here. I’ve only served as XO for three months. Commander Rowles was training me up to replace him, eventually, but that was not going to be for another few years.“

„You think you’re not qualified for the job?“

„What? No, of course I’m qualified.“

Mav can’t help the snort that escapes him, and immediately shrinks under Ice’s glare.

„You disgreeing, Mitchell?“

„No, no, not at all, it’s just-- I forgot how fucking arrogant you can be.“

„It’s not arrogance if--

„If you’ve got the skill to back it up, yes, I’m aware, it’s basically my life motto. So if you’re qualified, and you presumably want the job, what’s got your panties in a twist? Not to inflate your ego even more than it already is, but you’re a natural leader. Most of our class fell in line behind you after day one, and let me tell you, that’s not how it usually works.“

At least that’s what Viper told him when after the first week of training the class had been clearly split into three groups who were constantly antagonizing each other. Apparently, theirs was the only group in years that hadn’t needed any more than the initial speech about teamwork to cooperate in any combination. Well, almost any combination.

„Except for you.“

„Except for me, but I respected you, even if your by-the-book flying annoyed the hell out of me. Honestly never thought it possible to be as good as you are without stretching the rules a little.“

„And yet, orthodox flying wouldn’t have gotten me or anyone else out of a confrontation with five MiGs alive.“

Mav blinks, once. „Careful, Kazansky, that almost sounded like a concession to my superior skills.“

„Imagination has always been your greatest strength.“

Tone, lock, hit. Mav cracks up, bending over from the force of his laughter, before collapsing into the visitor’s chair. Ice’s face is doing something strange, caught half-way between amusement and something far, far softer that Maverick carefully catalogues, but doesn’t point out.

„You’re still dodging my question. You’re qualified, you’re a good leader, if a little young. So what?“

Ice sighs. „I need them to respect me. Not just as a fellow aviator, but as their CO.“

Mav frowns. „Do they not? I’m sure your CO wouldn’t have picked you as a XO if they didn’t.“

„They do.“

„So, what? Come on, Ice, just spit it out.“

„How can I demand respect and subordination from aviators older and more experienced than me, if I can’t earn it from my peers and juniors?“

„Oh.“

„Yes.“

„To be entirely clear, am I your peer or your junior in this scenario?“

„Maverick.“

„Because depending on the answer I might take you up on that re-assignment offer.“

„Mav.“

„I’m kidding. What do you need from me?“

„I need you to pay me the same respect you would any other commanding officer.“

„Done. Although I’d like to point out that I’m not exactly known for my polite and respectful conduct.“

Ice pinches the bridge of his nose. Mav is getting more expressions out of him in this conversation than he’d seen in the weeks they spent getting on each other’s nerves at Miramar.

„I’m aware. That’s why we’re having this conversation in the first place. Just-- I don’t know, reign it in a little? At least for the first few weeks, especially around the rookie. I don’t want him to get any wrong impressions about me.“

„What, that you’re not just ‚ice-cold, no mistakes‘?“

„Ideally, yes.“

„Why?“ Mav wishes he could take the question back the second it’s out of his mouth. He’ll need to work on his impulse control, if he doesn’t want Ice to kick him off the squad within 48 hours.

Ice looks just as taken aback, so Mav starts back-pedalling.

„Nevermind. Forget I asked.“ There could be any number of reasons for Ice being the way he is, and none of them are Mav’s business.

He rises out of his chair and salutes. „Commander.“

Thankfully, Ice gets the message, and stands up.

„My XO is expecting you in the mess hall. He will show you around, introduce you to the squad, and answer any additional questions. Report in for the briefing on your first hop at 0700 tomorrow.“

„Yes, sir.“

„I look forward to flying with you, Commander. Dismissed.“

[corruptedcaps]

Clumsy Me

“It’s a super kind gesture Greg but are you sure there are no other pairs of pants I can wear? Not that I’m not grateful but skin tight leggings aren’t really my style. Plus I know your stepmom Madison ran out on you and your dad like a year ago but she’d kill me if she saw me in a pair of her slick black pants. You’re right beggars can’t be choosers put this is just until my own jeans dry in your machine ok? Still can’t believe I tripped like that, did you always have that foot stool there? Whatever, just give me a minute to change.”

“Well what do you think? You hate it right? Wait you like it? I guess it is kind of nice, it makes my figure kind of pop doesn’t it? I never thought I’d have the body to pull off anything like this. Can’t believe I’m the same size as you step mom too. Could never wear some of the things she has in there though. All that luxurious fur, expensive jewelry, and those plunging necklines, I could never! Oh whoops I’m so clumsy today, I’ve gone and spilled the second drink you got me on my top. I’ll just sneak back into your step mom’s closet and find something to wear.”

“There we go, now I’m all dry and warm, despite this new top not covering my navel. When I put it on I realized that something was missing and somehow I knew this belt would tie everything together. I feel so stylish, like one of those bougy bitches at school. Do you think if I wore this to school tomorrow they would notice? I promise I’ll bring it all back after school tomorrow. Thanks!”

“I know I know I said I would bring the clothes back and I have but I just had to borrow some others. My outfit was a big hit with Cassandra and all her friends, they said I showed real promise! Can you believe that? Only last week they were picking on me. But if I show up tomorrow wearing my usual drab unfashionable outfits they’ll start bullying me again. Plus don’t I look kind of hot in this new combo? I’ve never worn such high boots before or such a short skirt. It’s hard to explain but the clothes just kind of call to me and each piece I choose just makes sense. I never had an eye for fashion before but these clothes are bringing the inner designer out in me and I can’t deny the results!”

“Hey there handsome, I need to get a new outfit for tomorrow. The girls were in awe yet again. They were right too, I do look better without my glasses. My head is swimming with ideas of what to wear, it was all I could think of last night. What do you mean no? Greg you don’t understand, I need to keep up appearances otherwise I’m toast! Plus your stepmom isn’t around anymore! Still no huh? Well that’s a shame, because you know what else I was thinking last night? I was thinking how if I have to come over everyday to change then you and I should have some fun too. Don’t be coy, I’ve seen how you’ve been looking at me. Look how about you see the lingerie I borrowed, see wouldn’t you like to see me in more?”

“How did I get in here? I made a copy of your key, duh! If I’m going to be your girlfriend I need to be able to get inside your house when you’re not here. Aren’t you glad I did, like look at this new outfit I put together, all the girls are going to be green with envy when they see me. One of them was telling me that Cassandra was starting to feel threatened by my style, that she thinks I’m going to take over the clique! Can you believe that? Me?! It is kind of hot to think of though, me taking over a group of girls who used to bully me and taking down the head bitch herself. Mmmm it’s got me kind of wet, how about you be a good boyfriend and get our knees for me. There’s a reason why I’m wearing a skirt after all.”

“You’re breaking up with me? Why? I have not become a bully! Cassandra was the biggest bitch in our school, I just took her down several pegs. In front of the whole school. While she cried. Sure I made all her old friends block her on socials and refuse to talk to her ever again but she deserved it and now that all her friends are mine now I can run the school how it should be. If that means some of life’s losers get bullied then so be it, they don’t deserve my pity or yours. Come on baby I’m offering you the chance to become king, don’t let your morals get in the way of having me as your queen. Fine if that’s how you feel then fuck you loser, you small dicked prick. I only was with you to get access to you stepmom’s clothes, but I don’t need them or you! So long dork!”

“Oh it’s you creep. Surprised to see me in your house? Well I had every intention of never seeing you again but I was wrong about what I said last week. What? About you? Don’t be stupid, I meant about the clothes. I do NEED them! I bought some hawt clothes of my own but it just wasn’t the same. They weren’t expensive and slutty enough. I was feeling my confidence and power draining over the past few days but now that I’m back in Madison’s clothes I’m feeling more me again. Her bitchy perfume still lingers in their fabric and it’s makes me feel so bad! Your dad let me in and said I should just take whatever I wanted. He was just so accommodating after I put on Madison’s tightest clothes and gave him the best blowjob of his life. He said I should come back everyday and I fully intend on doing so.”

“Mmm your father was right, blonde does make me look older, more mature, more sexy. Wasn’t Madison a blonde? Why am I even asking you, it will only distract you from cooking. To think a few months ago I was giving you the best handjobs of your life so I could have access to Madison’s clothes and now I’m your dad’s fiancée and all the clothes are mine! You could have had me you know? You could have had this perfect ass but you were worried I had become a bully or some nonsense. Your father loves what a bitch I am and encourages me to be a mean spoilt brat by letting me buy whatever I want. Having access to his money allowed me to buy the clothes I deserved! That’s why I love him unconditionally. It certainly helps he’s so well hung, something you never inherited. Speaking of which I think I just heard him come in, I think he and I can slip in a quickie while you cook. Stay if you want to watch perv.”

“Don’t look at me worm, just keep scrubbing the floors. Your father and I want this place spotless when we return from our honeymoon but before we leave I just wanted to tell you a secret. I’m pregnant. I have no doubt it will be a girl and I’m going to raise her to be the biggest, meanest slut there even has been. She’ll have everything her cruel heart desires and I’m going to spoil her rotten. She’ll have my fashion sense of course and your father’s ruthless business acumen. What do you think of Maddy for her name, short for Madison? She’ll be such a wicked princess, and you? Well you’ll be here cleaning the floors everyday for the rest of your life. On that note… oooops I’ve spilled my drink all over your clean floor. I guess I’m just so clumsy.”

[stevesjockstrap]

Coming Out of Her Shell

Written for @genderthings Robin week 🌈 using prompts ‘sharing clothes,’ ‘coming out,’ ‘gender euphoria,’ and ‘bigender.’

Rated T • wc: 689 • Platonic soulmates Stobin, some flavor of genderqueer Robin, Steve’s along for the ride, coming out, binding, Robins supportive parents

read on ao3

It started with a sports bra that was too small. Robin never knew if it had gotten shrunk in the wash, or it didn’t get thrown away when she outgrew it. All she knew was that once she fought to get it on, the feeling of having a flat chest was something she didn’t know she’d ever wanted.

So it went, when she woke up and she didn’t feel like dressing with boobs, she’d dig out that too small bra, or the ones she’d bought after the fact. Other days she dressed feminine without issues, but some days it just felt wrong.

When she started at Scoops with Steve and they became inseparable, she quickly discovered the things in his closet were even more affirming somehow. The boxy shirts, the button downs that showed off her flat chest. The boxers, tube socks and huge shirts for pajamas she had always dreamed of.

Steve had never had a sibling, but he seemed to absorb her into the role easily. Robin knew siblings shared clothes. No one else really cared or noticed, as far as they knew.

“I think, maybe, I don’t know what it’s called yet. Stay with me. I don’t want to be a boy or a girl,” Robin declared one random day as they stood in the empty ice cream stop.

Steve frowned at her, but quickly nodded when she glared. “Love that. But, uh, what does it mean?”

Robin was momentarily stumped as well, but she knew what she wanted it to mean at least. “I just don’t want to be stuck in either label. I’ve been switching back and forth, and I’m over it. I just want to be me, everyday.”

He pushed himself up to sit on the counter. “Sounds like an excuse for us to go shopping,” he grinned.

At the store, they took their stack of clothes into the men’s dressing room. Robin found a pair of plaid pants and Steve talked her into a sweater that was the softest thing she had ever felt.

She spent a while in front of Steve’s huge bathroom mirror messing with makeup to define her jaw and brows, contouring her face to look more masculine.

Steve looked up from his magazine where he was sprawled in the empty jacuzzi. “Wow.”

“Wow good or wow bad?”

He blinked, then immediately grinned. “Wow, you look great!”

“I’m back,” she called as she walked into her house a bit nervously, knowing her parents wouldn’t be terrible about it, but not sure she could explain herself to others yet.

“In here dear,” her mom yelled from the kitchen.

Robin dropped the bags in her room first, then slowly approached the kitchen.

Her parents didn’t look up from preparing dinner so she just stood waiting. She shoved her shaking hands into the pockets of her new pants.

Her dad looked over first, and only gawked for a moment. “Hey honey, how was your day?”

“It was good,” Robin hedged.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She looked down at her shoes. “Listen, I think I’ve decided that, um, you know, I’ve been figuring things out lately. I just, feel, like,” she trailed off, pulling her hands out to twist them in front of her.

“We‘ll love you the same, whatever you decide love, you know that.” Her mom calmly explained while still chopping vegetables.

Robin looked up, took a deep breath and said, “I just don’t feel like a girl or like a boy. I like dressing both masculine and feminine, depending on how I feel that day, but it’s not very consistent. Steve helped me pick out some more masculine clothes, so I have more options.”

“That’s great, dear,” her dad said slowly. “And Steve is good with this change, too?”

Robin sighed. “Yes, dad. Because Steve is just my friend. Platonic with a capital P. He was mostly excited that we would get to go shopping,” she laughed.

“He’s a good guy, I’m glad you have him in your life, however it is he fits in,” her mom emphasized.

“Me too,” Robin agreed, and went over to get a hug from them both.

buy me a coffee? 🖤

divider credit @/saradika-graphics

[mjolnirswriststrap]

Video Games

Bucky Barnes x Married!Reader x Steve Rogers

Masterlist Part 1/2

Summary: Running an advice blog often led you to solving others problems for them. So who do you turn to when your husband’s best friend is there every time you close your eyes?

Word Count: 2,026

Warnings: Cheating, Infidelity, Be prepared to wear the scarlet letter. Possessive husband!steve, throwing moral code right out the window.

“On Next Week’s Reader Submission….

“If you don’t let me get past you bitch, I’ll make you move.” I hear my fiancées friend say over game voicechat. I don’t know why but it stopped my brain in its tracks. Why did it instantly turn me on? Why did my brain wonder how exactly he would do that. My mind corrected itself because I know he was talking about a character in the game. But I instantly Imagined what if it was me, standing in his way? And he offered the same threat.

Pictures of him standing over me, looking down angrily while I stand there unmoving. I cleared them from my brain, stopping them in their tracks. My fiancé sits beside me, how sinful and disgusting of me to momentarily fantasize about his friend.

If only it wasn’t momentarily, it’s much worse. I’ve always sat and listened in on their banter. Most of the time it was amusing, their rage making me laugh because I can’t understand how a game could make them so upset. But sometimes that same rage was channeled through explicit language. I couldn’t count the amount of fucks, bitches, pussies, and obvious euphemisms; you’re not going nowhere, get on your knees for me, and the ones that I’m not proud of being, fucking stupid bitch, little pussy doesn’t know how to fight.

His words are meant for a 40 year old man playing video games in his basement, not me. But I fantasized about what if they were, always cutting my imagination short. It’s been an ongoing thing. I have to tell someone, and I thought ‘who else than my favorite advice blog?’. We know you keep things one hundred, that’s why we all come to you with our most pressing issues. What should I do Y/N? Do I keep pushing the fantasies away or let my brain have fun? Should I let my mind wander so my body never does? I don’t want to cheat on my husband but I cannot deny the way some of these words roll off his lips, it does things to me.

Love, A Long Time Reader x”

You finish typing the newsletter, sending it out, biting your nails waiting for the comments to roll in. Your readers aren’t very gentle, they like to call you harsh, but their words kept you from sharing a lot about yourself. Deciding to craft yourself into the persona they want. You wonder how they would respond to this, would they encourage it like feral women in heat or world they prude up and shame the submission for being dishonorable?

You tapped your nails on your desk waiting, after ten minutes of staring at your screen you finally decide to refresh, and like magic, 127 comments are ready for viewing. Your eyes dance across the screen eager to see the response.

“Sounds like she needs her husband to step it up in the bedroom.”

“She’s obviously not in love with her fiancé if she fantasizes about another man.”

“I think she should let her mind be free! Go for it girl! As long as you don’t act on your thoughts, you aren’t doing anything wrong.” You smile at the supportive comment.

“I sure hope Y/N tells this girl the honest truth, she’s cheating on her boo, don’t let her think this is acceptable behavior.” You sigh at the truth of that comment.

“Really wouldn’t consider it cheating, the reader is overreacting.” You hum at that one, raising your eyebrows.

Their comments gave you much to think about for your response the the submission. You close your laptop, feeling accomplished, posting that newsletter was like a heavy weight off your shoulders, you’re glad it’s done. You stand and stretch, your office was already dark and you turn off your rain machine as you exit, closing the door behind you. You shuffle down the stairs, the walls were echoing with the sound of men cheering. You walk into your living room, to be surprised by Bucky sitting on your couch beside Steve.

“Hey honey, finish your paper?” Steve throws the words over his shoulder, instantly focusing on the screen again. You didn’t even have time to answer before you were cut off by Bucky. “Dude I literally get no help, I’m on point and the whole team is fucking off.” The smashing of buttons fills the silence after.

“Huh?” Steve says, acting as if Bucky didn’t just shatter your ear drums. You smile at him, “Yes baby, hit send and closed my laptop, I was too tired to read any comments.” You laugh it off. You always read the comments, he knows that, so you had to come up with an excuse tonight. If you didn’t, he’d ask what they said, and that would mean you have to tell him what the articles about, which would be even more embarrassing to do infront of Bucky.

He nods, letting you off easy because his mind is preoccupied by the combat he’s partaking in with his friend. The game ends and Bucky stands up throwing the controller onto the cushion. “I’m done playing, the little bitch is cheating, fucking dumbass.”. He turns around and seems shocked by your presence behind the couch. He must have not heard you talking to Steve, over his focus or own voice. “Sorry.” He says when you stand there staring at him. It wasn’t because what he said actually shocked you. It’s because the words were perfect for the situation.

“You’re fine.” You say, not being able to look him in the eye for long. Too afraid that he might be able to read your mind. Leaning over the back of the couch, you grab Steve’s face and kiss him deeply. “Goodnight baby, don’t stay up too late.” You keep your grip on him, holding his stare till he agrees. “Where’s my kiss?” You hear from beside you. You jolt up pressing your brows together. “In your dreams pal.” Steve cuts in.

You fake laugh, looking up at Bucky. His smile told you he was joking, but you wish he wasn’t. You leave before another word is said. Walking but up the stairs to your shared bedroom with Steve. “Okay a couple more and then I’ll leave.” You hear Bucky offer as you make it to the top step. “Fine, but I have to make a pizza, my stomach is rumbling.” Steve says as you close your bedroom door.

You strip yourself of today’s outfit, jeans and a white fitted button down, tying your silk robe around yourself. Just as you’ve slid yourself into bed the door opens, it must be Steve coming to properly say goodnight to you. “You’ve come for more kisses?” You say when you feel him slide under the covers with you. You could feel his cold metal arm wrap around you and your eyes widen. “I’ve come to get my goodnight kiss.” He says, pressing himself into your back.

You press your eyes closed, and when you open them he’s gone, there’s no trace of him in the bed. You sit up quickly, you could’ve swore he was right there. You must have imagined it, but it felt so real. Looking around the room you take a deep breath, the door was still closed, and you could hear two voices shouting in the room beneath you.

With a sigh you lay back down, closing your eyes. You force the thoughts from your mind, you’re good at that. After about an hour you hear a door open and it rustles you from your sleep, this time you were fully in a sleep filled stupeur. Steve should’ve come up to bed by now, he probably fell asleep on the couch like he always does.

You shuffle downstairs, it was already dark in the house, at least he turned off the lights before passing out. You laugh at how silly your husband could be. Just as you expected you see a long lump on the couch, covered by the blanket you crotchet’d last Christmas. You walk over to him, laying on top of the blanket and whispering gently to wake him up. “Stevie, baby, come to bed and cuddle me.” You reach up to pull the blanket off his head but he does it before you can.

You let a gasp escape your lips when your eyes connect with blue ones; but they’re not your husband’s. You freeze in your spot, holding your breath, too embarrassed to say anything. Bucky stays silent too, but you feel his warm flesh hand wrap around your hip, and your eyebrows shoot up. “We could cuddle right here, doll.”.

You move to stand up, but he uses his metal hand to wrap around you, pulling you back down ontop of him, even closer than before, you could feel the different contours of his body, pressing into you. “I thought you were Steve, i’m sorry.” You say, not breaking eye contact with him. He huffs out a laugh and you can smell his cologne, it burned your nostrils in a good way.

“I’m not.” He says, scooting down slightly so your face is positioned more above him. You lift your hands, pressing them down on his chest. “Steve could see at any moment.” You whisper, finally realizing how bad this looks. “Isn’t that the best part?” He says, leaning in and pressing his lips to yours. You feel jolts of electricity run from your lips down to your core. He’s right, the fear of getting caught turns this from embarrassing to the hottest thing you’ve ever done. You move your lips with his, testing him out. When he feels your participation he lets his flesh hand slide from your hip to your ass, giving it a firm squeeze.

You don’t know who you are in this moment, you’re just doing what feels right. Bucky nudges his tongue into your mouth and when you give him access you hear the shower turn on upstairs. Steve must have went to the bathroom before coming to bed. You break the kiss. “I really should go.” You pull yourself away from him, against your whole body’s will. He sits up with you, not willing to let you leave just yet.

“Wait, we have a couple minutes at least. Just stay.” He says, taking deep a breath. You stare into his eyes, trying to read his seriousness, he looks completely fucked out, lips red and swollen, sweat covering his forehead and his cheeks a deep shade of pink. “How long have you felt this way?” I ask quietly, shifting on his lap.

He shrugs his shoulders, not being able to put a date and time on it. “Let’s just say, I’ve always wanted what Steve had.” He says into your ear, nudging your hair off your neck with his nose. He places a wet kiss to your pulse point, letting his hands roam your body, you couldn’t push him away if you tried.

When you hear the water cease upstairs you finally stand up from his lap. Taking a large step towards the stairs. You hear his whisper yell from across the living room, “This isn’t over, tease.”. You tiptoe back up to your room, closing the door behind you without a click from the knob. Just when you’re about to slide back into bed you realize Steve will smell Bucky on you. You hear the bathroom door open and you quickly rip your silk robe off, kicking it under the bed and you practically jump into bed, closing your eyes and trying to get your heart to stop racing.

Steve steps into the room, and you can hear his heavy feet step towards the bed, throwing back the covers and sliding in beside you. “My baby.” He says even though he thinks you’re asleep. He reaches out and pulls you close to him, humming into your hair. You pretend to sleep, while he gets comfortable in the bed. He takes seemingly one last breath that has you holding yours.

“Why do you smell like Bucky?” You feel him go ridged against you, “Quit pretending to sleep.”.

[rubykgrant]

(I can't remember if I ever shared this by itself, but here is the bit from my fic with Jon and Martin having some time to breathe while at the Cabins; one of them has been very aware of what they've been up to, while the other has... lagged a bit~)

Martin walks over to the counter, pours the water into the cup, watching the dark color from the tea bag bleed out, swirling as the tea steeped. With all the confidence he can muster, Martin turns to walk back toward the kitchen table, and as he passes behind Jon, puts one hand on Jon’s shoulder, leans down slightly, and says-

“Just so you know, I still love you. In case you want to do anything about that,”

Oh, HELL YEAH. That was so COOL. Martin has never been that smooth in his life, not without being a little drunk, anyway… or, if he was flirting with somebody just to have a quick fling, he was perfectly fine being “seductive” when it wasn’t really going to turn into anything beyond that. He hasn’t tried to flirt with somebody he was already living with before, so this was a rather unique situation, and whatever may happen next, Martin was glad he actually said the words (in a very cool, smooth way).

“Oh,” Jon says quietly. He blinks, then turns to look at Martin, grabbing a towel to dry his hands. “I thought… we already were? Doing something about it?”

“Wait- what?”

“I mean, haven’t we been… ?” Jon gives a little shrug, as if to gesture to something that should be obvious. When Martin still doesn’t catch on or catch up, Jon takes a breath and tries to elaborate. “Martin, we live together-”

“Yeah, in a safehouse, because we’re hiding from the law, and creepy monsters, and people who worship fear demons!” Martin points out.

“We cook together, we clean together, we take care of each other…” Jon adds.

“That’s just what you do when you live with a roommate!” Martin informs him.

“We take walks together, and hold hands…” Jon says.

“People do that all the time! Friends can hold hands with friends!” Martin says back.

“We’ve been sleeping in the same bed. Every night,” Jon continues.

“There’s only ONE bed! Why wouldn’t we share!” Martin responds (and it figures Jon wouldn’t recognize the cliché).

“I’ve been kissing you on the cheek, and your forehead, and around your neck, and calling you DARLING for the last two weeks,” Jon’s expression has been a little bewildered through this entire exchange, and right now, he looks like he’s trying and failing to tell somebody how gravity works.

“You-! You… yeah, you have. Uh… friends. Friends can kiss each other. And use, ah- endearing pet-names. That’s a thing…” all that confidence evaporates, and now it is Martin’s turn to blink in confusion. “So you thought that we’ve- this was all you being… romantic?”

“Well, I wasn’t trying to, y’know- assume a romantic relationship was something you wanted, especially when we’re stuck here together, I was just sort of attempting to… offer it as an option? I knew how you used to feel, but feelings are, um- complicated, they change, so I wanted to make sure you were comfortable with me in general. And then take things slowly, so I wouldn’t overwhelm you or rush into it. But- I thought you knew?” Jon shrugs again. His expression is almost helplessly lost.

“How- how could I know? You didn’t TELL me!” Martin sets his tea down on the kitchen table; he suddenly feels so twitchy, he thinks he might start getting more animated with his gestures, and he’s likely to spill.

“That’s true…” Jon admits with a thoughtful nod. “I’m sorry, Martin. I really am terrible at explaining myself, or making my- my intentions known…” as Jon pauses, Martin lets out a small huff of laughter. This man, how he talks. Making his intentions known; how much of it is on purpose, and how much of it is just Jon not paying attention to irony? It doesn’t matter, because either way, Martin found it impossibly endearing.

He can’t believe this… at some point, after Martin started to recover, Jon had decided to… what, “woo” him? Begin a “courtship”? Without actually saying anything? God damn it all, it had WORKED too, Martin went and fell in love with him! Again! This was such a mortifying way to discover he had a “type”, and evidently that type was Jonathan Sims, regardless of how Jonathan Sims happened to be acting. Mean-spirited and scornful, petty and paranoid, no sense of self-preservation, and… so very kind, to the point it was almost maddening, how DARE this man be gentle and considerate, and such an absolute weird little nerd? The nerve. Oh, double-damn, Jon had even gone about it like a bird attempting to "attract a mate", gathering up little gifts, making a "cozy nest", all that cuddling/hair-stroking was like preening, and it had WORKED.

Martin realizes he hasn’t said anything in a while, distracted by how nonsensical this situation is, and he’s actually laughing a little; he has to bring a hand up to his face to try and get himself sorted, feeling how warm and flushed he is. He wonders if his emotions are going to short-out and shut-off…

“Martin?” Jon steps closer. Martin finally focuses his attention back to Jon, keeping one hand pressed over his mouth (trying to hide a smile he can’t control). “I care about you, very much. You’ve become an incredibly important, special person in my life. I don’t want you to feel obligated to some expectation in any way, but if you’re interested, I’d like us to try sharing a more intimate relationship together. I know this isn’t a typical romance, and we can’t exactly go out on dates- you deserve all that and more, but I want to make you happy. I want you to know exactly how important and special you are,”

Jon reaches out, taking the hand at Martin’s side.

“Would that be alright with you?” Jon asks.

Martin nods, not trusting himself to speak just yet.

“May I kiss you, Martin?”

Oh that is it, if Martin has to hear Jon say one more thing that sounds like a character from some romantic novel set in the Victorian era making a vow of ever-lasting love, he’s going to lose his mind!

Martin lets out an exasperated sigh. He looks so irritated, Jon begins to think this has all gone badly somehow, he made a mistake, or went too far… and then with a light yank, Martin pulls Jon closer, their chests press together, and Martin very deliberately kisses him.

This both shuts Jon up and provides an answer to the question.

[talonslockau]

Forest of Secrets - Chapter 52

Chapter 51 || Index || Chapter 53

Fireheart sat beneath the Highrock, sharing a pigeon with Bluestar as the rest of the Clan shared tongues. The camp was even more excited than usual: Goldenflower had sent for Dewshine and Yellowfang just before sunhigh, because Frostfur had begun kitting. The camp was full of speculation - how many kits there would be, what they’d look like, even what their names might be. The only cats absent from camp were Peppermask and Princess - they’d taken the kits out to a nearby meadow to play so they wouldn’t interrupt the healers working or irritate Frostfur (who even Goldenflower had admitted was ‘a bit snappish at the moment’). 

“Are you excited?” Fireheart prompted Bluestar after a long silence. She glanced up at him for a moment, chewing on the pigeon thoughtfully. Then she nodded and sat up.

“Of course. New kittens are always welcome in the Clan.” She purred, blinking happily in the direction of the nursery. “I know Whitestorm and Lionheart will be good parents for them. I thought, after Whitestorm…”

She trailed off for a moment, a worried look in her eyes. “After Whitestorm?” Fireheart prompted, but she didn’t respond. He recognized that look: the same one she often had when speaking about Snowstorm, or her kits. It was her being haunted by the family she had lost; and, as he thought about it, he realized he was fairly certain what she was thinking of. “Are you talking about the leafbare before I joined? He told me that he’d almost died from greencough.”

Bluestar sighed deeply and nodded in response. “Yes. Spottedleaf told me to prepare his vigil, for he would only recover from the grace of Starclan. Through Starclan’s grace, he did recover, although…” She didn’t finish her sentence, but Fireheart could guess at the ending - although many didn’t. “You know how lonely it is in the Clan without any family, Fireheart. It wasn’t so long ago that I faced the same. It’s hard to let go of the past, sometimes.”

Fireheart wasn’t sure he fully understood, but he dipped his head to her nonetheless. “But now he’s having kits. Surely that’s reason enough to move on?”

“Yes.” Bluestar agreed readily to her deputy, a smile flickering over her lips. “Yes, it is. I know he has always wanted kits of his own. And now they are here, and I hope they are everything he imagined them to be and more.” Pain still showed in her eyes - remembering her own kits, perhaps, or still lingering on how she’d almost lost her nephew - but she turned to Fireheart with perked ears, ignoring her feelings. “Your own nephews and nieces are quite lovely. Little Cloudkit especially - I’ve never felt kitten teeth so sharp!”

Fireheart purred at the compliment from his leader, remembering how Sootkit and Rainkit had knocked her over. “Yes, I’m glad they’re here in Thunderclan. I can’t wait to see their apprentice ceremonies - though they can hardly wait either!” He glanced fondly at the camp entrance, imagining them romping around in a field of flowers with reckless abandon. “They’re all so excited to have new playmates, though they don’t seem to fully understand how small newborns are.”

“It’s a hard thing for a kit to comprehend.” Bluestar mewed in understanding. “For much of their life, they’re the smallest cats around! It’s hard to imagine anything being smaller.” She sighed and wistfully looked off at the nursery, clearly remembering some time long past. “I didn’t get to see a newborn kit until Robinwing had her litter, when I was already a warrior. I was shocked to see a cat small enough to fit in my paws!”

Fireheart nodded, remembering how small Lynxkit had been. She was essentially the same size as Sootkit and Rainkit now, with Sorrelkit having become the new runt. The thought of her becoming even the three moon old kit she was now amazed him. “I know what you mean. They’re basically the size of a mou-”

“FIREHEART!”

The deputy sat up with a bolt of panic as he heard his name howled loud enough to be heard from Fourtrees. Princess had just clawed her way through the bramble entrance, racing towards him with terrified puffed fur. “Fireheart, Cloudkit’s gone missing!” She cried, her green eyes already full of tears.

For a moment, Fireheart felt frozen with fear. Cloudkit had gone missing? “What happened?” He finally managed to stammer out, feeling the heat of the entire Clan watching him as he swallowed hard.

“I- I don’t-” She took a huge gulping breath, her whole body trembling as she looked up at her brother. “They were chasing this - this butterfly, in the flowers. It was bright, I didn’t see anyone, everything was okay. Peppermask and I smiled at each other - it was just a couple of heartbeats! We were just - we were happy, everything was nice, and-” Princess’ white paws were kneading in and out of the dirt below her in an attempt to calm herself. “I swear, Fireheart, he just vanished!”

“Calm down.” Fireheart was grateful to hear Bluestar speak up beside him. “What about the other kits and Peppermask? Are they okay?”

Princess stared at the leader as though she had suddenly turned purple. “I- I don’t-” She took another deep shuddering breath, clearly on the verge of hyperventilating. “Peppermask told me to come tell you, Fireheart. She said she’d tell them a story to keep them calm and in one place.”

Why in Starclan’s name would Peppermask tell Princess to do that? The thought echoed in his mind for too long, as Bluestar and Princess both stared at him. What did they want from him? He didn’t know how to find a kit! He was just-

Right, he was deputy. He was supposed to take care of this. He racked his brain, trying to figure out what Quickflash would do in this situation. Maybe he could order a patrol? He hesitated at the thought. Was that an abuse of his power, though? After all, it was one kit - maybe he should just go and help her find Cloudkit. What would the Clan think if they had to search all over the forest for a kittypet kit?

No, he thought to himself after a heartbeat, that was a flea-brained thought. Kits were the most important part of the Clan! The warrior code itself said that no kit could be neglected, no matter their origin. Whether Cloudkit’s parents were kittypet or not didn’t matter. The Clan would expect to be sent out to find a lost kit. Their territory was safe, generally, but there was always a chance that something had snuck past one of their borders. Not to mention the owl, or hawks, any of which could pick off an unsuspecting kit.

“Speckleflight.” Fireheart stepped forward and spoke now, still keenly aware that nearly all of the Clan’s eyes were on him. The elder blinked at him in surprise. “Take Rosetail and go with Princess to help Peppermask keep the other kits calm. The last thing we need is two missing kits.”

The pale golden queen nodded, glancing around to see Rosetail already standing up. Fireheart watched as Speckleflight came up alongside Princess, mewing something softly to her as the two older tortoiseshells led her out of camp. The older queens, he figured, would be able to help calm Princess in addition to telling the kits all sorts of fun stories for however long it took to find Cloudkit.

He surveyed camp, assessing which cats were best to go out looking for a kit. “We’ll form three patrols, each taking a different direction from the meadow. I want Cloudkit found as quickly and quietly as possible.” There was no dissent at his order, cats beginning to sit up and wait to be called. “Mousefur, you’ll take Mistspring and Dustleap and head towards the Riverclan border. Sandstorm, you’ll take Willowbranch and Graystripe towards the Shadowclan border. Dappleshine, you and Tinyfrost will be with me heading towards Tallpines. Longtail, Cinderspark, Bluestar, and the apprentices will stay behind and guard camp.”

Across camp, Cinderspark turned away, her tail low in disappointment. Fireheart understood why she was disappointed that she hadn’t been picked - likely wondering if he hadn’t chosen her because once again, he didn’t trust her. He briefly wished he could reassure her, to tell her that she had been given the most important mission of all. He doubted that this was a ploy to get the Clan out of camp, but he couldn’t help but remember what had happened the last time kits had gone missing. Brokentail was dead, but his rogues were still out there - and now, more than ever, they were probably seeking revenge against Thunderclan.

Fireheart wanted this to be nothing more than Cloudkit accidentally running off, but he had to prepare for the worst.

“Let’s go!” He barked, lashing his tail once for the warriors to follow him before turning and leaving camp. He didn’t need to look to know they were following him - he could hear the march of many pawsteps and the rustling of brambles through the tunnel behind him. Fireheart instead kept his eyes on the trail again - following the thick fear-scent of his sister, which he had to focus on to keep from overwhelming him.

The meadow wasn’t far from camp - about as far away as the training hollow was, but on the other side of the ravine. There, Speckleflight was cooing softly at his niblings sitting amongst pale blue flowers, likely telling them a story about times long ago. Rosetail was sitting off to the side, doing her best to console Princess and Peppermask alike. The kits were occasionally glancing at their mama, clearly picking up on her fear, but politely listening to Speckleflight nonetheless.

He could see all four of them look eagerly towards him as the three patrols entered the meadow, but he had no time to stop and reassure them. He had to trust that the elders, Princess, and Peppermask would be enough eyes on his remaining niblings to keep them safe. Instead, with a swift nod shared between the patrols, they all turned and raced off towards their assigned directions.

“Dappleshine, you should take the lead. You’re the best hunter out of all of us.” Fireheart mewed, slowing down slightly to allow the tortoiseshell to do just that. There was no time for bragging, or for modesty: while Tinyfrost and Fireheart were both good hunters, it was well known within the Clan that Dappleshine had the sharpest nose and had taught two of the other great hunters in the Clan. 

She slipped forward without complaint at the opening, keeping her nose raised as she drew air over her tongue to try and find a scent. Silently, Fireheart motioned for Tinyfrost to flank her on her other side, the three spreading out so that they could cover as much ground as possible without losing sight of each other in the forest undergrowth.

The ginger deputy tried to keep himself calm, taking deep breaths of the scents of the wild to keep his heart from racing. As scared as he was for his nephew, out in the forest on his own, allowing his fear to overtake him would only smother the other warriors’ attempts to scent out Cloudkit. 

The forest was full of dangers - even things that would only bother a fully grown warrior could be deadly for a young kit. What if Cloudkit fell into a hole and couldn’t get back out? If he strayed out towards the Twolegplace, he would run into dogs - even the smallest of which would be impossible for a kit to handle on his own. And if he went towards the Owltree, and the owl was in the mood for a midday snack-

No, Fireheart couldn’t allow himself to imagine such horrors, forcing himself to take another couple of deep breaths as he continued flanking Dappleshine. For all he knew, one of the other patrols had found his nephew already. Maybe Cloudkit was already safe and sound, listening to Speckleflight tell a mighty tale about Lynxstar of Leopardclan and how she had driven out the fearsome Stonescales from the river. He could have even found his way back to the meadow on his own, having gotten bored of playing with himself.

There was no reason to-

“I smell him!” Fireheart’s ears perked forward as he heard Dappleshine’s call. Immediately, the other two warriors converged on her, finding her sniffing at a fallen log. “He climbed on top of this.” She explained as they both scented at the bark. Fireheart didn’t know whether to be thankful they had finally caught a trail, or furious that his nephew had gone so far into the forest on his own. They were almost at Tallpines! What had Cloudkit been thinking? 

“Fireheart.” The deputy looked up at the sound of his old mentor’s quiet voice, seeing Tinyfrost sniffing at the air rather than the log. “Do you smell that?”

Both Fireheart and Dappleshine scented at the air, trying to discern what Tinyfrost was hinting at. It took Fireheart several heartbeats, but as soon as he did, his face wrinkled in disgust. “That’s the foulest smelling dog I’ve ever scented.” He growled disdainfully, before fear seized his heart. It was a recent scent. “You don’t think-”

“It’s not dog. It’s badger.” Dappleshine snarled out, pacing forward as her hackles began to rise. “That’s close. Somewhere in our territory, I think.”

Fireheart didn’t know what to do. He’d never seen a badger before - only heard tales about them swapped between the warriors. They were huge, lumbering beasts, big enough that a cat the size of Lionheart could ride on their backs, with claws as long as whiskers. Mistspring had mentioned driving one off once, in a combined effort between Windclan and Thunderclan. Three warriors couldn’t be enough to chase one out of their territory!

But Cloudkit was nearby. They couldn’t leave, not without finding his nephew. What if the badger found him? He was a white kit, after all, standing out amongst the greens and browns of the forest. He hadn’t had any battle training - he’d be easy prey -

The two other warriors were staring at him. Once again, Fireheart could feel bile rising in his throat. He was deputy - he had to make a decision. But what if Cloudkit died because of him? How could he go back to Princess and tell her that her kit could have lived, if he’d just made the right-

“We find the badger first.” Tinyfrost cut through his thoughts with the same quiet, icy tone he always had. “If the kit’s smart, he’ll have scented it and climbed a tree to wait for us. If he’s not, then we better get to it before it gets to him.” With that ominous note, Tinyfrost turned and began leading the way through the forest, towards the edge of Tallpines. 

There was no need to taste the air now - the badger’s scent was thick and musty, like the marshes of Shadowclan had been when Fireheart had gone with Graystripe to defeat Brokentail and his rogues. It took everything in him not to completely block out the pungent odor - and he could tell that the other two warriors with him were feeling just the same.

“Help me!”

The voice was faint, but all three cats knew exactly who it was as it floated through the trees. As one, the three bounded forward, racing through the forest towards Cloudkit’s desperate cries. “Somebody! Help! Don’t let it get me!” They got louder and louder, until-

The three burst through the foliage into a large stony clearing sparsely covered by dry tufts of grass. On the far end was a small cliff, where a huge gray figure was swiping furiously at a crack in the bottom. Though he couldn’t see inside, Fireheart already knew what the badger was swiping at- Cloudkit.

“Tinyfrost, take its back! I’ll distract it from the front. Dappleshine, get Cloudkit out when it’s safe!” Fireheart was already barking out the orders as he dived forward, yowling a bitter battle cry as he lashed out at one of the badger’s front paws. It immediately turned towards him with baleful, beady eyes, returning his battle cry with a furious screech that rang through the air. Fireheart ducked as it swiped a large, clumsy paw at him, its claws easily thrice the length of his own. Fear and determination surged through his veins in equal measure; fear that this fight would be his last, and determination not to let it get to Cloudkit at any cost.

He swiped at its disgustingly large muzzle, his claws scoring through the coarse black and white fur with surprising ease. The badger was large, yes, but slow; slower than Tigerclaw had been, even. It let out another shrill scream as blood welled up from where his claws had been, lunging towards him with its massive bulk.

Fireheart took three quick steps back, luring the beast away from his nibling. It pounced towards him again, claws scoring into the earth once more as he took another pair of quick back steps. Before he could move further, however, a black shadow materialized on top of the badger: heartbeats later, it howled in furious pain as Tinyfrost dug into its thick gray fur with his claws and began biting for whatever he could reach.

The badger reared back, clearly intending to force its new attacker off, but before it could Fireheart had leaped forward to his former mentor’s aid, claws tearing away the tawny fur of its underbelly. He ducked back as the badger slashed wildly out with its giant claws, screeching furiously as it realized it was outnumbered.

In the corner of his eye, he saw Dappleshine race by with a distinctly white blur, and he immediately felt a wave of relief. Cloudkit was safe, which meant-

Fireheart yowled in shock as pain streaked through one side. He’d let himself be distracted for mere heartbeats - but heartbeats were long enough for the brutish creature, lunging forward to tear into his shoulder with its fangs. His first instinct was to tear away from it, but he forced himself to instead lean into the bite and use the opportunity to rake his claws down its neck. The badger immediately released him, shaking both one way and then the other as attacks came in from what surely felt like all sides.

Even as the pain filled his thoughts, Fireheart forced himself not to dwell on it, instead focusing on the beast in front of him. It was lashing out blindly now, clearly trying to get all the attacks to stop. “Tinyfrost! Let it go!” He called out to the small black tom.

Tinyfrost complied, sinking his fangs into its ear one last time before loosening his claws and letting the badger’s momentum throw him off to one side. It flailed out for another couple of heartbeats as the two warriors regrouped together, its tiny eyes flashing with panic as the attacks stopped as quickly as they had come. 

“Get out!” Tinyfrost snarled, advancing on the creature with his claws prepared for more attacks. Fireheart quickly copied him, advancing on the badger with his fur puffed out as far as he could get it. As soon as they did, the badger turned quickly away from them towards the open forest beyond Tallpines. As soon as it saw a clear opening, it bolted, bounding away on its stubby legs into the woods beyond their border.

The two toms stood side by side as they watched it race off, their hearts still pounding from the thrill of the fight. Fireheart’s side began to sting, a sign that he would surely be visiting the healers shortly, but he once again pushed it away to turn and look for his nibling. “Dappleshine? Cloudkit? Are you alright?” He called softly, a tiny bolt of anxiety spiking through him. They had to be safe, right? There was no way they could have gotten hurt while he was fighting-

He sighed in relief as Dappleshine waddled into the clearing, carrying Cloudkit by his scruff. He was a bit too big for it now, dragging in the dirt between her legs, but the older queen didn’t seem to notice as she came to stand in front of Fireheart and Tinyfrost. She released his nephew gracelessly, and he fell into the dirt below with a thin wail.

“What in Starclan’s name were you doing out here?” Fireheart snarled at the little white kit, his tail lashing in anger now that the danger had passed. “You’ve got your mother worried sick, and the whole Clan tearing up the forest looking for you! Didn’t your mother tell you not to wander off?”

There was genuine fear in Cloudkit’s bold blue eyes, but as Fireheart lectured him he could see that same stubborn defiance that his nephew normally had beginning to leak back in. “I didn’t wander off.” He refuted, his chin sticking up into the air as he stared down his uncle.

“Didn’t wander off?” Fireheart scoffed, his anger only rising at his nephew’s audacity. “This hardly looks like the meadow where you’re supposed to be playing with your siblings, does it? Not to mention you’re only treelengths from the border, with no other cat to be seen, hiding from a badger - how exactly do you expect me to believe you didn’t wander off?”

“I didn’t!” Cloudkit repeated, stomping one tiny white paw. “I followed a warrior out here!”

Fireheart could hear noises of confusion from the other two cats, but he didn’t stop to let it bother him. “And how, exactly, did you follow a warrior out here when all of them were back in camp?” He spat, lashing his tail once more in emphasis. “Which warrior was this? Graystripe? Mistspring? Maybe Lionheart?”

Cloudkit looked confused at all the names. “I- I don’t- he didn’t say what his name was.” He mewed plaintively, his eyebrows furrowing as if in brief confusion. “But he said he had found something super cool to show me, so I followed him, but then he was gone and I got lost and then- then that thing-”

“And I suppose you expect me to believe this imaginary warrior grew wings and flew, right in front of your eyes.” Fireheart snapped, losing any patience he might have had left for his nephew. “Making up some warrior that doesn’t exist isn’t going to get you out of trouble, Cloudkit. But I’ll let your mother decide your punishment.”

Cloudkit immediately started complaining, furiously reasserting that he definitely had seen a real warrior that smelled of Thunderclan and everything, but Fireheart tuned him out and turned to the other two warriors. “Dappleshine, why don’t you go find Sandstorm’s patrol near the Riverclan border and let them know we’ve found him. Tinyfrost, you do the same for Mousefur’s patrol near Shadowclan. I’ll take this little troublemaker back to his mother.”

The two warriors looked slightly dubious at his orders, but if they had any doubts they didn’t voice them, instead turning away and racing off towards their respective areas. Fireheart advanced on Cloudkit, who could only stumble back a couple of steps before he was unceremoniously scruffed by his uncle. With a bitter scowl, still trying to ignore the pain of the badger bite in his side, Fireheart began carrying his nephew back to Princess and to safety. Leave it to Cloudkit to ruin an otherwise happy day, he grumbled to himself, satisfying his anger at his nephew by imagining all the punishments that he would suffer for this as the two made their way back to camp.

[gabriel-xander]

Don't Forget

[Sans x Female!Reader]

40: You Know You're Better than This

Content Warnings for this Chapter:

- Internal debate regarding Morality - Internal debate about killing anything

Again, it’s not super jarring in my opinion, but it might be for some readers. Please proceed with caution.

♪────✿⁠(⁠✧◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕✧⁠)✿⁠────��

You’re back in the Swap brother’s residence, standing around the living room like a bunch of losers. You have your hands up, cupping the fragment and presenting it to the group.

But none of them can see it.

“Dang, that’s crazy.”

Sans deadpans at your tone.

“Anyway, are you guys okay, though?” You frown in concern, “I mean, it’s not making you agitated or making your magic go fucky-wucky?”

“I PERSONALLY FEEL FINE.” S-Sans shrugs.

“yeah, same here. i dunno, maybe it’s because it’s in your hands now?” S-Papyrus suggests. “that stupid doll always has the worst intentions, maybe that energy kinda is what fucked with it.”

Bro is basically saying Temmie’s vibes were off, and now you’re giving the fragment good vibes.

“Hmm…” You eye the fragment, “That could be it…”

Amplified it.

“Or maybe the fragment was always like that, but Temmie amplified it ten-fold,” You add on, “And now that it’s in better hands, it calmed down? It IS still a soul, after all.”

S-Papyrus looks at you, impressed, “yeah, that could be it! you’re pretty smart, i wouldn’t rule it out.”

Wow, S-Papyrus giving you praise more openly? Actually it looks like all of their moods have improved significantly. The effect of collecting it seems instantaneous. You’re glad you did it as soon as you did.

“i should put it away for now,” Sans holds a hand out, “don’t want it out in the open and you constantly worrying about it.”

You don’t feel a resistance to the idea, you would imagine there’d be the Voices™ telling you so, so you allow it. Sans waits until he feels the weight of it in his hand. He tries to look at it from different angles, maybe in a different light he’ll be able to see it.

No dice.

He snaps it away, leaving it in the void with the Gaster Blaster.

You remember seeing it.

You will suppress that memory. 💙✨💫💅

“Well…! That was certainly a fucked up adventure, huh?” You stretch your hands above your head, “I wanna shower really bad.”

“YEAH…”

“yeah…”

“same here…”

“…”

“…Dibs!”

They all groan in displeasure. Ha-ha! Fuck yeah! You pump your win at your success. After the fucking day you had, you had better get the first call to the shower.

Your duffel bag is still by the couch, so you quickly get some clothes to change into and hurry to the washroom upstairs. You know there are extra towels in their cabinet based on your previous sneaking around last night.

Should you be a bitch and take a long, full shower? Or will you be a pal and take a quick shower?

…You’ll decide once you get in there.

──

They didn’t mean to have the conversation without you, but they were not going to just wait possibly 30-40 minutes for you to get out of the shower.

They might be on better terms with each other now, but still not enough to sit with each other in silence.

Sans is holding up the mini-dj to them, “it’s fine now, but it needs to recharge for about a day. after that, it’ll be enough to take [y/n] and i back to our au.”

“WHY DOES IT NEED SO LONG? YOU BARELY USED IT.”

“you think this thing runs on infinite power?” Sans answers his counterpart, “it was using a lot of its stored-up magic energy to locate the fragment in the first place. it can regenerate its own magic, but it’s gonna need time to make the full jump back to a whole other universe.”

S-Papyrus smiles, “sounds good. it’ll be nice to hang out, anyway. i guess you’re pretty chill.”

“of course i’m chill. i’ve been outside for the last two hours.” Sans winks.

“hah, that’s true, isn’t it? no wonder you’re such a cool dude.”

“awe, don’t sell yourself short. that’s usually reserved for me.”

“i guess being nice to myself isn’t such a tall order.”

“for sure. for one, you’re such a humerus guy!”

“UGH, GREAT! NOW THERE’S TWO OF THEM!” S-Sans throws his hands up in defeat, marching towards the front door, “I CANNOT STAND FOR THIS!”

S-Papyrus snickers behind his hand, “no worries, bro. wanna take a seat instead?”

“THAT WAS TERRIBLE.” S-Sans opens the door, “I AM GOING TO FIND THE HUMAN CHILD TO TELL THEM WE ARE ALL OKAY. IF THEY ARE NOT BUSY, I MIGHT RETURN WITH THEM.”

S-Papyrus waves him goodbye, but S-Sans doesn’t look back to see. The younger one doesn’t seem to mind it though. 

“you know,” Sans tells S-Papyrus as soon as the door closes, “the kid might not be happy with us getting rid of that weed–eh, the uh, the doll thing.”

S-Papyrus shrugs his shoulders and says, “maybe. but maybe they’ll understand. if not, it’s not like i’ll remember any of this if they make a reset. this isn’t the first time i cause that thing a couple of resets anyway.”

Sans widens his eyes, his smile threatening to fall off.

“…what? what do you mean? you don’t… you don’t remember them?”

S-Papyrus understands instantly, “hey…”

Sans shakes his head, laughing humorlessly, “no. don’t. ugh… man, of course, i got the short end of the stick across the multiverse.”

“can’t be that bad. i mean, you got yourself a girlfriend. one who can actually stick with you during all this sci-fi crap.”

Yeah, a girlfriend that Sans nearly lost because of his own inadequacies. He never would’ve brought you along if he knew your life would be in danger in any way. Maybe next time he should just go alone…

Sans blushes, looking down, “yeah, guess so. you might get yourself a partner too, you know.”

This time, it’s S-Papyrus’ turn to blush and roll his eyes. “yeah, right. how did that happen, anyway? you and the human?”

“dunno. [y/n] told me as much as she could. she just fell in one day when on a hike with her friend.”

“and the friend wasn’t there with her?”

“apparently not. she said that he–that elliot and her had missed each other when going up the mountain.” Sans keeps the explanation short, “in our au, we don’t have that doll, we have a damn flower. she said that it dragged her down by force.”

“huh…” S-Papyrus frowns, “you know that’s weird, right?”

“uh, yeah. very much.”

“the doll, temmie, it never did anything like that before. not that i remember or have been told about it, at least. there must be a reason…”

Sans shifts his weight to the other foot, debating something in his head for a moment. He comes to a conclusion rather quickly, luckily. It wouldn’t hurt to discuss this with someone who shares a similar position as him. Maybe Sans can be given a different perspective on things or insight on matters he hasn’t considered before.

“our human–their name is frisk–they haven’t been to the underground in months. i kept track, it’s been over six damn months–no, actually that’s before [y/n] showed up. it’s been close to eleven months by now.”

S-Papyrus looks shocked, as he should fucking be after hearing that shit. It’s not like S-Papyrus can remember the past Resets, but he knows there’s been a lot based on the expression on Chara’s face when he “first meets them.” He can’t imagine what it must be like for someone who can actually remember. Someone so paranoid about when the day could Reset, and it will all be gone.

Sans seems like a decent skeleton, S-Papyrus would hate for him to suffer more than he needs to.

“would it be messed up if i hope the kid human never comes back in your timeline?” S-Papyrus offers.

Sans finds his smile to turn more genuine and grateful. “no, not at all.”

“you think…” S-Papyrus hesitates. “if–when chara stops coming by, that’s when my version of [y/n] will show up?”

“maybe it will be elliot instead,” Sans jokes, “after all, everything is swapped in this universe.”

S-Papyrus doesn’t say it out loud, won’t say it out loud, but he isn’t sure how to feel about that. He’s sure Elliot will be great and all, but… S-Papyrus has already gotten the pleasure of knowing you, not Elliot.

Sans winces minutely, waving a dismissive hand, “but who’s to say, right?”

The taller skeleton snorts, “oh, what? so only you get the girl in the end?”

“ha-ha! hey man, i’m lucky she even wants a piece of this. i ain’t about to risk it for shit.”

Not anymore, anyway.

Swap-Papyrus almost sounds jealous as he smiles: “good for you, man. i’m… i’m glad you have that.”

The taller skeleton mentions something of water, walking away towards the kitchen for just that.

Sans knows S-Papyrus meant it genuinely, but it does have him thinking.

Sans is fortunate to have you, isn’t he? He says it all the time, over and over, but Sans hasn’t fully wrapped his skull around the magnitude of that. Of just how fucking lucky he is that you, of all people–beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, kind, wonderful you–want him in any way.

He is seeing it now first-hand, that not every Au is going to have a wonderful you. And if they are, they will never be the true, original version of you that Sans gets to have.

All. For. Himself.

Sans was just complaining earlier, but honestly? He has to be the luckiest version of himself in the entire multiverse just for having you.

But that’s what makes this all the more scary for him. You could’ve died today were it not for the fact that things just happened to work out for you. If he knew…

You would probably find some way to convince him though, right? And honestly… He needed you to find that fragment. Sans and the others couldn’t even see it! You knew so much about it too, things Sans needs to know but he doesn’t for some reason.

In a purely logical stance, you need to be with Sans for these endeavors.

Sans doesn’t like the idea at all, though. He might be a skeleton of science, but he’s not above admitting that seeing you get hurt scared the fucking life out of him.

──

You are squeaky clean and out of the shower after 20 minutes! You’re chilling on the couch while S-Papyrus sits across from you on the floor. Since you’ll be staying the night again, he didn’t want to dirty the couch by sitting on it. Sans had shortcut to the washroom right after you since he couldn’t stand his damp clothes.

The lanky monster told you what Sans told him and his brother about your departure, how it would be sometime tomorrow when the mini-dj is recharged. You can’t help but feel a little disappointed at that, but you keep that to yourself.

However, now that times are simpler, S-Papyrus is taking the time to explain how the mini-dj most likely worked. He’s not the builder of it himself, so he could only come to some guesses and possible explanations. But what he failed to realize is that you’re dumb as shit when it comes to this topic, so you couldn’t refute him for anything that could be wrong.

Because you couldn’t fucking tell otherwise.

The door opens and someone runs in, but you are more focused on the monster sitting with you and what he was saying. Though whoever ran in, jumps on the back of the couch right next to you.

Chara smiles widely at you, their hair an absolute mess and their clothes ruffled and dirty. They wave at you, and only then do you notice they’re not holding their notebook.

“Hey, little man!” You greet them with the energy they’re giving you, “Wow, you had an adventure when we were gone?”

They nod eagerly, kicking their legs in the air. As S-Sans starts talking, Chara grabs your hand and puts it on their head, making you give them head rubs.

Eugh, you can feel dirt and snow in their hair. Looks like everyone needs a bath today. You power through it since you can just wash your hands in a bit.

“THE HUMAN AND ASRIEL WERE PLAYING WITH THE OTHER KIDS IN THE AREA.” S-Sans closes the door, Chara’s notebook in his hands, “I THINK THEY WERE PLAYING A KICKBALL GAME THAT HAD NO RULES OR REASONING.”

“Ahh, a free-for-all kickball game,” You nod understandingly, “You guys had a lot of fun though?”

Chara nods again, reluctantly pulling away so they can hop off the couch. They hold their hands out for their notebook, giving a nod of thanks to S-Sans. They lean the book against the back of the couch to write before showing it to you (and S-Papyrus).

*How did your guy’s adventure go? Did you find the thing you needed to go home?

“Sure did, kiddo. It was a piece of cake.”

“speaking of cake,” S-Papyrus pipes in, “wanna stay over for tonight and bake one?”

Chara widens their eyes.

*Yes, please! But what’s the occasion?

You tell them: “Since we found what we needed, my Sans and I will be leaving sometime tomorrow.”

*Oh… ok. So soon?

“Ah, well…” You look around for help, but S-Sans and S-Papyris look at you with expectant amusement. “I mean, I did take ten days off work and it’s barely been two. But, I don’t know. I can’t make that decision without Sans, so I’ll talk to him about it later, alright?”

*Ok!

By the time Sans gets out of the shower, you and the others are watching TV together, lounging lazily on the couch. Everyone is so dirty, that they got banned to the floor. Even when Chara tried pulling some puppy eyes on you, you’re a stone-cold enough bitch to say no.

You’re not paying attention to the show at all, you think it’s some NTT show or other. The rectangle robot with a blue cap on screen is having a rap battle, absolutely wrecking the small monster girl opponent.

…It reminds you of DustTrust Phase 3, Slaughter in the Spotlight. You can’t explain why.

What’s the worse one to end up in: DustTrust, or the Sans Hates Women Au?

God, how fucking terrible would it be if you ended up in the Sans Hates Women Au? Should you tell Sans about that Au just to see how he reacts? Probably not.

S-Papyrus jumps up to his feet when Sans makes it downstairs. “dibs on the next shower!”

His brother groans, but since he is too slow to call dibs, he must stay on the floor and continue waiting. Everyone knows the international dibs protocol, so it’s good that he’s respecting the rules. Eager to be clean, S-Papyrus just shortcuts to, presumably, his room then the washroom.

Chara frowns and scribbles in their notebook.

*I did notice that Sans and Papyrus are pretty dirty just now. And if the other Sans was in the shower too… Did something happen?

If Chara is asking, then that means S-Sans didn’t tell them about your run-in with Temmie. That might be for the best. You’re not sure if you want to be around for that conversation. From the subtle look S-Sans is giving you too, you think you’re right.

You sit up properly on the couch, “I told you we found the missing piece, but not how or where. It was deep in downtown Snowdin forest. Like, really deep. It was really hard to dig it out.”

That’s lying by omission, but you’re not technically wrong. You don’t feel bad for lying this time, but also you do because you’re keeping the state of Temmie a secret-

Sans sits right next to you, his side flushed against yours. His arm drapes behind you on the couch rest, hand landing on your shoulder so casually. Sans is dressed the same as before, just missing his trademark jacket.

He smiles at you, and you smile back.

The sound of Chara writing in their book brings your attention back to them.

*Oh, ok I understand! By the way other Sans…

Sans raises a bone-brow, “me? what is it, kid?”

*Do you really have to leave so soon? [Y/n] told me that you 2 have technically 10 DAYS of vacation!

Sans looks at you slowly, “uhh… [y/n] and i can talk about that later.”

“Yes,” You glare playfully at the child, “That’s exactly what I told them already.”

Chara smiles nervously and whistles while looking away. However, they don’t know how to whistle so they’re just accidentally blowing small spit bubbles.

S-Sans stands to his feet, stretching his arms upward and popping his back audibly. “I JUST REMEMBERED I MUST REPORT BACK TO ALPHYS. I SHOULD DO SO BEFORE IT GETS ANY LATER.”

“Report back? Did you go see her this morning?” You ask.

“INDEED, I DID. IT WAS NECESSARY SO I COULD CANCEL OUR EARLY TRAINING. THOUGH NOW THAT I AM NO LONGER BUSY, I SHOULD TELL HER AS SUCH.”

“boooo,” Sans gives the other a thumbs down, “just stay in for today, it’s lazy sunday.”

“IT’S TUESDAY.”

“i said what i said.”

What? No, both of these two are fucking idiots, it’s fucking Thursday.

You called off work on Wednesday, arrived in UnderSwap the same day, and spent one night. It’s now midday–it should be Thursday.

Unless these are the effects of time travel alongside dimensional jumping? If so, keeping track of time is going to get very challenging.

You should create a handbook/calendar to keep track of days whenever you and Sans embark on these adventures.

You clear your throat, “If you do, you should probably wait until after you can shower. She’ll definitely be able to recognize you got into a… you know.”

“AH.” S-Sans snaps his fingers, “YOU ARE CORRECT. IN THE MEANTIME THEN, LET’S FINISH THIS SHOW!!”

The skeleton sits his boney ass back down next to Chara. He puts his hands behind himself to lean back, watching the screen with those starry eyes of his.

You grab the folded blanket and spread it out over you and Sans, snuggling closer to him because you’re a cheesy bastard. You bring your legs up on the couch and slouch a bunch, getting into that comfortable gay posture. Sans lowers the arm that was behind you so that it’s properly around your shoulders.

Finally, you take a look at the screen.

NTT, Napstaton, is posing dramatically behind a DJ mixer set.

…

S-Sans looks enthralled.

Good for him, honestly.

You’re not paying attention to the screen at all, mostly fiddling with Sans’ hands under the covers (No, that is NOT a euphemism for something else. You’re not that much of a degenerate, there are kids around!). You doubt Sans is paying attention either, probably sleeping with his eyes open because he’s a fucking pro like that.

Poke, poke.

You look down at Chara who has crawled to the side of the couch. They hold up their notebook.

*Remember earlier, you asked me if it was easier if we… signed?

“Ah, right.” You introduce yourself in ASL as an example. “Sign Language.”

*Can you teach me some of that?

Ughhh, you kind of don’t want toooo! You wanna be lazy and just do nothingggg!

“Sure,” You sigh with a passive smile, “I don’t see why not.”

You unfortunately must untangle yourself from your boy-toy to do this. S-Sans turns around with curiosity, watching quietly to watch this unfold.

You bundle up your baby boy Sans tucking him in so he’s just a bundle of blankets and a head on the couch. His eyes can barely peak over the top.

So cute.

He looks so cozy.

You sit more properly on the couch, “Alright, first things first. Wanna learn the alphabet?”

Chara nods eagerly as S-Sans turns fully around.

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?” He asks.

“Gonna teach them Sign Language. It’s another form of communication so they don’t have to keep writing so much.”

“CAN I LEARN AS WELL SO I MAY SPEAK WITH THE HUMAN?”

You smile, “Yeah, of course. I’m sure Chara would appreciate that too, right?”

The child agrees with excitement, practically bouncing in place at the prospect. S-Sans settles next to the little human, sitting back on his legs with his hands ready on his lap.

You spend the next 10 minutes with them going through the letters of the English alphabet. You went through it all once, then went back to slowly go over with them again. Unsurprisingly, “m, n,” “p, q,” and “t” are the ones you need to go back on the most.

They get it down faster than you thought they would, but you suppose you underestimated them. Papyrus (and thus, S-Sans) always proves to be smarter than anyone gives him credit for, and you think with all the Resets, the child must’ve aged mentally, too.

“That’s pretty good so far, I’m impressed, guys!” You clap your hands together, “I’m not a pro at teaching someone sign language, so I’m not really sure where to start first… To keep things simple, how about I show you how to introduce yourself?”

“what’re you guys up to?”

Woah, you didn’t even hear S-Papyrus come down. He must’ve shortcut down here in that case. He’s wearing the same shit as last time, just cleaner.

You wonder what it’d be like to not have personal body odor so you can wear the same shit every fucking day. You know they have the same copy of their shirts and pants and whatever, but still.

“[Y/N] IS TEACHING US HOW TO USE SIGN LANGUAGE!” S-Sans beams up at his brother, “WE JUST FINISHED LEARNING THE ALPHABET.”

“oh? pretty cool,” He points his thumb over his shoulder, “it’s your turn to shower, bro.”

S-Sans groans in reluctance. He was bitching when S-Papyrus got in the shower before him, and now he’s bitching that he has to step away from the lesson to shower. He is a little too relatable.

“[Y/N], WILL YOU CONTINUE TO TEACH ME ONCE I FINISH?”

MANNN! You really did not mean for this to turn into an actual lesson thing!

“Of course,” You tell him anyway because you lack the balls when it comes to small matters like these.

Pleased, the shorter monster is more willing to drag himself up to get himself clean. Lucky for him, he showers with his battle body, so it’s a 2-for-1 deal!

“After Sans is finished, you need to wash up too-” You look at the clock. Damn, it’s not as late as you thought. “-and get ready for a late lunch. It’s almost 5 pm.”

Chara does a full eye roll with their head but agrees nonetheless. This is a perfect teaching moment. You scooch over to Sans to let S-Papyrus sit on the couch.

“Hey, hold your dominant hand up like this,” You hold up your fist, “then move it up and down like this, like how you would nod your head yes.”

Chara follows your instructions. In your peripheral vision, so does S-Papyrus.

“That’s how you say yes.” You smile teasingly, “So, I’ll say this again. After Sans is finished, you need to wash up as well, okay?”

Chara giggles silently as they frantically say “yes” in sign.

“seems easy enough,” S-Papyrus sits up straighter, “mind if i join you guys?”

“Not at all, the more, the merrier. As a matter of fact,” You turn your head to your bone boy, “You wanna join us, too?”

The cozy skeleton pulls his hand out from the covers, showing you random letters from the alphabet. Actually, they’re not random at all, are they?

You need to think about the letters he’s putting together to spell it out in your head.

You deadpan when you finally realize-

“been paying attention all along.”

────

It has been… really tiring today.

With what went on with Temmie, then entertaining Chara for the rest of the night since they wanted to spend time with you. That was fine and everything, but you’re allowed to want to relax and not deal with kids.

Baking was a fucking disaster, too. S-Papyrus had to buy something from Muffet’s instead because of the fucking monstrosity that came crawling out of the fucking oven-

…

You don’t want to think about it anymore.

Anyway, it’s bedtime for all of you fucks. Chara is sleeping over, so they’re bunking with S-Sans and his big race car bed.

You wonder what it must be like to cruise while you snooze…

Readying the couch, you remember something you meant to mention before.

“Oh, Sans. I forgot to tell you something.”

Sans is sitting on the floor again, writing in his journal. He looks up to give you his full attention, left eye glowing that beautiful cyan and yellow.

You grin, “Gaster says hi, and congrats on the relationship.”

Sans groans and lightly thumps his forehead on his open journal.

“y’know, i have very fuzzy memories of the guy, so i can’t say if that’s new of him or not,” Sans straightens up with a light blush, “but if it turns out that he is the type of dad to embarrass his own spawn on purpose, i don’t know what i’m gonna do.”

You laugh with him, keeping as quiet as you can since the others are already asleep or are trying to.

“by the way,” Sans hums, “when we were searchin’ for the fragment, how did you know how to find it? actually, you knew a lot of things that i didn’t…”

You scrunch your nose, “Let me tell you when we finally get back to our Au?”

“hm? sure, i can wait.”

“Thank you.”

You and Sans fall into a comfortable silence after that, not needing to fill the silence to enjoy each other’s company.

You sit on the couch with the blanket over your legs, writing in your own notebook. It’s been a while since you had the time to just sit and write. You still enjoy writing down all the things you’ve learned about monsters and the Underground and all the magic.

Like right now, you’re writing down the things Gaster has been sharing with you. More accurately, his explanation of the Core and what it does. You just think it’s neat.

You might not understand the science about it, but that doesn’t make it less fascinating for you. Sans might know about this stuff too, but maybe he’ll like reading it over later anyway.

You close the notebook and set it on the floor by the couch, making sure it won’t be in the way when you get up. As that is happening, Sans either has gotten bored with writing or maybe he wants to accompany you on the couch. Either way, he snaps his journal away and gets up slowly. Sans moves to the couch, raising the covers to get under next to you.

Blinking, his glowing eye goes back to normal, leaving you both in semi-darkness. As dark as it could be when the outside world is still bright outside due to no Day-Night cycle.

“lemme ask you something,” Sans starts quietly, keeping in mind the other residents in the house.

You hum for him to continue. Sans shifts your arm so that he can hook his arm with yours, interlocking his hand with yours. Luckily the ghost pain has faded now, so you’re able to comfortably do so.

“the thing the kid said earlier–did you really want to stay longer?”

“Uhm… I don’t really know…” You say that, but then immediately remember Gaster’s desire for Sans to make connections with more people. “I mean, it would be really fun, I think. You know, like a nice break. We don’t even have to do anything here if you don’t want to.”

The corner of his already smiling lips (lips?) quirks up more, “this is gonna sound funny, but it does feel safer for you to be here. the flower back in our au is still alive, but the fl–the doll in this one is gone. there isn’t really a threat against you here.”

You smile, “Not true. This Au’s Undyne is Alphys, and the Sans here is just as close to her as Papyrus was with Undyne.”

“yeah… maybe we shouldn’t stay here then.”

Oh, God. It’s time to pull this card. You really didn’t want to since you feel so entitled, but you have your own separate mission to complete.

“But I want to.” You state firmly.

Sans searches your face for anything, a small discrepancy that he can exploit to find any excuse at all to refuse you.

He can’t seem to bring himself to do it anyway.

Sans lets out a deep sigh, “maybe we can stay a few more days, then. does that work?”

“Yes, thank you! And really, there isn’t a need to stay here longer than we really have to, so it’s a good compromise, right?”

You can’t help but feel bad for Papyrus, too. Sure, he expressed his disinterest in this stuff, but you still love the guy and want him to be included. Also, you can’t simply drag these things out just because Gaster wants you to. You have responsibilities now in that Au.

Now that he’s holding your hand, he brings it above the covers and looks at your palm.

“are you really okay?” Sans asks quietly.

“There was some ghost pain earlier, but my back and hands healed just fine.”

You think so, anyway. Every time you look down, you’re expecting your hands to be bleeding and torn and horrific to boot. You almost want to see and feel the pain that came with your experience today, but there isn’t anything.

It’s kind of fucking with your head…

“no, no. i…” He thinks about how he wants to navigate this, “i saw that look on your face. when i finally caught up to you and you were holding down the doll. you hated it. but… you also liked it. hurting that doll-freak, i mean.”

…Yeah…

“it also said that you have a lot of LOVE, and,” Sans runs the back of his head with his other hand, “it’s not my business, i know that, so i won’t ask. and you know i’m not gonna try looking for myself.”

He wants to look so bad, you bet. You bet that it’s killing him inside, knowing that you have a high enough LV to get Temmie going fucking feral for you. He probably wants to pull you into a battle just to check your stats.

Sans is not going to do that or push you about it because he knows who you are, and he respects you, and respects your autonomy.

But you bet it’s fucking killing him inside.

You shift so your body is facing him properly. “What about you, Sans?”

You’re deflecting, Sans knows that. Were this conversation happening even just a few days ago, he would’ve deflected right back. However, in recent events, recent conversations, and self-reflections since upon arriving to this Au, Sans realized something else on top of everything.

Sometimes, you’re going to be the one who reaches out to him. Sometimes, you’re going to be the one who initiates actions or conversations. Sometimes, you’re going to back off when you realize you’ve gone too far. Sometimes, you’ll do everything you can to make sure to accommodate Sans in any way.

And sometimes, Sans is going to have to be the one who does the same for you.

You’re deflecting right now, and normally, Sans would defect right back.

This is one of those times where Sans has to be the one to carry on even when he doesn’t want to. Because he is so certain you would do the same if the roles were reversed.

“i’ve been through a lot of hurt, and i’ve been through enough to be able to hurt others.” Sans moves as well to face you, never letting go of your hand. “after doing something like what i did to that doll? i know i can sleep comfortably at night.”

Your face scrunches up, looking down at your lap.

No, Sans didn’t kill Temmie. For the sake of not fucking up too much, he left that honor to S-Papyrus. Since Temmie is just a doll with no Soul, and this is a Pacifist timeline, it didn’t have any ExP either. Sans isn’t going to tell you that though, the part where it was actually the other skeleton who finished the job.

Sans tilts his head, “but you’re not like that. just because you have the capacity to hurt, it doesn’t mean you enjoy it, not really. not in the way other people enjoy hurting other people.”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I was trying not to think about it too much, if I’m honest,” You mumble, “I think if it came down to it, if I really needed to, I think I could’ve finished Temmie off myself. But… I wouldn’t have enjoyed it. Maybe in the past, I…”

“you what?”

Ohhh, God. You’re really doing this.

This isn’t a part of your past you like to talk about with anyone. You can’t keep it a complete secret, but you don’t think now is the time to get too deep into it either.

Still, Sans deserves an explanation, a reason behind your thoughts and feelings on the matter. Besides, he has to find out sooner or later.

“When I was younger, yeah. I fought all the time. I don’t consider myself a fighter, but that doesn’t mean I’m ignorant to it,” You start measuring your hand with Sans’ trying to keep your hands busy. “Now that I’m older, after what I’ve been through, I don’t enjoy it at all. Maybe it also has to do with the fact that Chara reminded me of something that I don’t have.”

“and that is?”

“The ability to Save and Reset,” You laugh humorlessly.

Sans tenses up.

“If something happens to me, there is no do-overs for me. I can’t do what they do. And with Temmie… putting myself in their shoes is too easy. Knowing that if my life ends, there is a way to bring me back, but I am not the one who gets to decide if that happens. That power is in someone else’s hands,” You shake your head, “I know it’s silly, and maybe even wrong of me. But I felt bad for them. I felt scared for them.”

You sit in silence with him for a short time. Sans is thinking over what you just dropped on him. Hints of your violent past, your confirmation that there is a little more to you (though he already suspected as such).

And an even bigger reminder that Sans cannot be careless or slack off at all when it comes to you. Frisk is not here, and your Determination is not stronger than theirs because you cannot Save or Reset.

If Flowey gets you, if Undyne gets you–Fuck! If Asgore ever learns about you (he thinks he already does) and decides to do something about it…

Caring for someone is so tough. Caring for a human is tough.

“you’re so sweet for caring at all. even after what happened, you’re able to feel that deeply for someone like that.” He murmurs.

You think about Kōrenki. You think about the night you nearly beat someone to death with your bare hands. Were it not for Kōrenki pulling you away before it was too late, that person would’ve died because of you.

You think about the words Kōrenki told you that changed your perspective for good.

The words that were the starting point of putting you on a better path of life, and changed you to who you are not.

“Life is precious,” You whisper weakly, “If you take it, do not take it lightly.”

Sans thinks those words over carefully, having a strong understanding that those words mean something to you. He understands that and is taking more time to really think them over.

He… No, he can’t say he never thought of it that way. More accurately, he stopped thinking that way after all this time.

After all these years, he’s forgotten. He is the Judge who has turned himself into the Executioner. Not that he has ever killed for no reason, but he has gotten too comfortable with having to be the one to do it.

Sans saw it in Swap-Papyrus too when they killed Temmie. That ability to hurt others, without it hurting yourself.

To think that Sans was worried of how violent and dangerous you could be when he first heard about you. But in the end, he’s the heartless one between you two, and you are the fragile one.

He will not coddle you, but Sans will protect you.

Sans tugs your hand hard enough for you to fall against his side. You do nothing to move away, welcoming the affection. He maneuvers you so that your head rests on his shoulder, using magic passively so that it’s a comfortable rest for you.

Sans kisses your temple, his magic tingling you as he speaks against your skin.

“you’re good, [y/n]. you are so good. i pro–i swear to you now, that i’ll make sure you are never in a position where you feel like you have to go that far,” He removes his hand from yours to hug your shoulders, “what happened today, let me be the one to take care of it. now, and in the future, i’ll take care of it for you. trust in me. i can handle it.”

Inexplicably, your eyes start to water. Your soul is so heavy with mixed emotions–good and bad. Sans’ reassurance, Sans’ promise declaration to you, his touch and affections, you never expected it and it’s so much.

Yet, it’s so good.

You’re crying because of multiple reasons, silently but not alone.

“I don’t ever want either of us to be in that position. I’m not naive enough to believe that Mercy is the only way to solve every problem, but I want to believe that maybe it can be anyway.”

Sans kisses your temple again, “i know. i’m sorry today went the way it did.”

“‘S not your fault.”

“i know.”

You lean closer to him, sniffling, “Let’s go to sleep now, Sans. I’m so exhausted.”

“same here. i can nap all night.”

You smile, “I think that's called… sleeping.”

Your smile, as small or fleeting as it may be at the moment, is such a reward.

Sans snorts, nuzzling his cheek on yours, “tomato, to-ma-to.”

Tags:

@lemonboy011

@adriixboo

@fetusbaconegg

@fluffyart5000

[dearweirdme]

Oh this is just 😭 https://x.com/tkvk95972/status/1864684385208766524?s=46&t=VGR0B9a59mdmL-KO7fDdLg

Never seen it zoomed in like that. JK really looked so tense and worried and was just so fidgety when Tae talked about joining special forces and the concerns and dangers of it. And him then saying very very quietly how he also wanted to join the special forces meaning he would have & would liked to be with Tae even in the military 🥹

Of course that wasn’t possible due to their personal relationship amongst possible other reasons, and I’m glad Tae took on that challenge. I’m sure they discussed it at length and that JK is really proud of Tae.

But after he said that while looking so sad, Tae smiled at him and then also looked quite somber, while JK looked even more defeated, but of course couldn’t help but to smile back cause it’s Tae. 🥹

I just think and can imagine that JK is so used to pay attention and take care of Tae, he likes to fix things. His love language is acts of service and he likes to take care and protect. I’m thinking about him climbing a wall to cheer on a scared Tae to jump. Or him roller skating behind Tae who was like Bambi on ice haha to help steady him and catch him when he fell. Or him switching tasks with Tae when he said he doesn’t want to go to the sauna, JK volunteered. Or him cooking Tae an extra batch of a less spicy food etc etc. The list is endless.

So him knowing he wouldn’t be able to do that anymore or to that extent must have been troubling him surely. They are so close but weee separated forcefully for the first time since meeting - that must have been so bizarre and a real adjustment for them 😭 I am so glad it’s nearly over.

But I can also imagine that it brought them even closer, realizing how precious time together is. Which brings me to Tae saying a similar thing in that same live (which makes so much sense cause they don’t know anything else but each other since they were like 15 & 17, but also with the other members) but then JK kind of silently again said to V something along the lines that he knew all along / before that how precious he is…which 🫠

Anyways sorry for the rant, very sweet, very bittersweet. Makes me emotional but also proud of them. And sad for them. And I can’t wait for them to have their little bubble of freedom back and for them to be back next year ❤️

Hi anon!

Rants like this are always welcome 😊.

I love how you said: ‘I’m glad it’s almost over’. I’ve been trying to get into that mindset. It’s already been almost a year since they enlisted.. I can hardly believe it! These last couple of months are going to fly by so fast.

Tae and Jk went through a lot already, but being apart for an extended period of time was never something they had to endure before. I can imagine all sorts of emotions at play because of that. Especially when we could see how much time they spent together last year, and.. how much they miss each other when they’re apart.

I think if anyone knows how capable Tae is in overcoming fears, and managing himself in all sorts of areas, it’s Jk. But, when it comes to the ones we love.. knowing how capable they are doesn’t stop us from worrying and from wanting to be there and making things better.

I hope for Jk ultimately it doesn’t really matter what part of the military he went in. He doesn’t want to make a career out of it, it’s basically just sitting out his time until he can do what he really wants again. Tae went in with a somewhat different mindset, which is great for him. He managed to get himself somewhat excited for something he’s basically forced to do. I just hope they all come out of it alright, with having a sense of relief from having finished and perhaps from having made new friends.

[laura1633]

hey Laura,

so idk if i’ll say the right words but i’ll try because you seem to be having a pretty tough time and that’s honestly very understandable.

i’m quite new to f1, i missed the big shit show that was 2021 and icl i’m quite happy because i’m not sure i would have survived going into the tranches for Max as he won his first wdc. however, i’m happy to do so this year and it’s been even more enjoyable that i know people believe and would do the same, especially you!

when i entered the f1 fandom, you were one of the first i started to follow and to read. you’ve always seemed to be one of the kindest and you are, truly. your writing has saved me from sad nights and i’m very very grateful for that. i don’t know if you’ll remember but 3 weeks ago you wrote a lestappen prompt just because i told you i had had a bad day. that’s the kind of thing you do for others in here, and that is just so nice to do when you’re new to the fandom. i’ve always felt truly welcome and it’s hugely thanks to you!

now you’re totally right. the fia is being unfair (euphemism) and they’re just acting like a bunch of clowns. the whole organization seems to be acting against Max and it’s truly disgusting because he is such a big part of their sport. like, truly, the sport wouldn’t be the way it is today without Max. one thing sure, he left for the future his mark on this sport, and many many many children look up to him and he’s going to be their role model. so when the fia is bothering me as they are currently, i tell myself that they would be nothing without Max and i feel better, because he’s really an icon that they don’t deserve yet he stays because racing is a huge part of his life. and idk, as long as he gives them a chance, i give them a chance, albeit part of me giving them a chance is just to witness Max shine and shit on their obvious bias.

and it warms my heart that so many drivers backed up Max : Charles, Pierre, Esteban, Kevin, George, Alex, Lewis… everyone knows that Max is one of the best drivers if not the best and that the fia is doing a terrible job. maybe it’s not enough but at least we have that!

just know that i love your anti era and that i wish it would suffice. i wish you’d let all your anger be on this blog or to your friends or in your writing and that it’d be enough but sometimes all you need is a break and if you feel like it’s something you need, we’ll support you during this time.

now i already told you, you’re so kind that i wanna be that kind to you. know that we’ll keep rereading your work, that we’ll wait for you if you ever wanna come back, and that in the meantime we’ll support Max twice as much as we do today.

just tell us if we can do something for you. we can send a hundred lestappen snippets or prompts in you ask box, we can send as many Max pictures as you want, we can shit on the fia, shit on some drivers, shit on everything. just know that you created a community and that this community will be there no matter what!

take care Laura xx

Thank you so much anon, what a beautiful message to receive.

To anyone reading this I know that I am being overly dramatic but I have just had a bit of a rough week and F1 is normally something that brings me joy so it’s sad that it seems to be going in such a negative direction. 

2021 was indeed very stressful, I was not on Tumblr then but I was on twitter which was not good!! It was actually the reason I deleted my twitter account because it became too toxic. I mostly stay away from there now. 

I’m so glad you have felt welcomed into the fandom and that in some way I have been able to help with that. You are definitely right, supporting someone is easier when you know there are others who are also rooting for them and sending them the love they deserve. 

Max is truly an icon of the sport. He has had to put up with so much rubbish over the years and I cant’ believe how well he seems to deal with the pressure. No matter what they do or say his name will go down in the history books as one of, if not, the greatest of all time. Going on to other racing series and achieving great things will also cement that. I also do believe that he will do great things for younger generations coming into the sport and he will do this without requiring fanfare but because he loves the sport. If certain sections of the sport embraced him as much as they should they would see what an amazing ambassador he is for racing.

I have been pleased that a few times this season, when the media has tried to make a big deal out of something, a lot of the other drivers have stood up for Max. Unfortunately I do feel that there are drivers that may use Max’s ‘reputation’ and try and play up to the good v bad thing to sway the public and the penalties handed out. It’s a tactic I find rather cowardly and I was very happy that when we had Max and Charles fighting at the front Charles did not try and revert to this tactic. 

I try not to be too open with all my anti thoughts because I don’t want to invite lots of people arguing with me in my inbox but I am sure most of you can probably work out how I feel about certain things without me having to explicitly state it 😂

You are so kind anon. 

I will probably return to writing at some point point because I have loved trying to develop and improve my writing style and I love writing lestappen (and I will continue with my ongoing story because I think that it would be unfair to stop!) 

Honestly just seeing everyone’s love and defence of Max is enough to make me happier. I will be hanging around here and am still happy to chat to you. I might just not have the energy to be writing about this sport right now. 

Thank you anon for being so lovely <3

[honeyjars-sims]

2.9 Itinerary

[Cece and Ben are cuddled up on the couch]

Cece: I really need to study, but I’m so comfy right now.

Ben: Yeah, me, too. It’s hard enough getting up the motivation to do anything for school as it is, much less when it means I have to stop snuggling with you.

Cece: Wait, do you have senioritis already? The semester just started!

Ben: I don’t think it’s that. All my classes are so boring. I really thought I wanted to work on the technical side of the music industry, but lately all that’s been on my mind is being onstage.

Cece: This is a hell of a time to come to that realization! I know what you mean, though. I’m glad I’ve gotten to work on my songwriting skills, but now that I’ve been performing more that’s all I want to do. What do you think you’ll do after graduation?

Ben: Well, there’s what I think I’ll do and what I want to do, and those are two different things.

Cece: Now I’m curious.

Ben: What I think I’ll do is stay in Del Sol Valley, try to get in with one of the record companies to do some sound engineering, and do that 5 days a week for the rest of my life. What I want to do is travel the world, perform in different cities, and snuggle with my girl on the tour bus every night.

Cece: Hmm, you’ve been bringing that up a lot.

Ben: A guy can dream, can’t he?

Cece: Well, since you’re soooo sure we’re going to have this fantastic life together, there’s something I should probably tell you.

Ben: Uh oh. Nothing good has ever followed those words.

Cece: It’s not that bad. I think. It’s just…I’m on the asexuality spectrum. And while I do find you attractive, I’m not sure that our sex life is going to be as active as you might expect.

Ben: [laughing] Are you for real?

Cece: Yeah, I am. You don’t have to laugh about it. If you’re not interested in me anymore, just say so–

Ben: No! Cecelia, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t laughing at you, I’m laughing because I’m greysexual and I’ve been too scared to tell you. An active sex life is pretty low on my list of priorities.

Cece: Wow. I feel like I shouldn’t be this happy to hear that the guy I like doesn’t want to have sex with me! How do you feel about kids?

Ben: Oh, now you’re all about the future talk. If I’m being honest, parenthood isn’t really my gig. I’m more of the uncle type.

Cece: Yeah, I don’t want kids, either. The thought of having a baby doesn’t appeal to me at all.

Johnny: What are you two talking about? Nobody in here better be having any babies any time soon.

Cece: Uh, definitely not. Ben and I were just talking about how we don’t want to have kids.

Lexie: Wow, you’re having those kinds of discussions already? 

Ben: See, Lexie, when you have such a strong and undeniable connection like Cecelia and I do, your future becomes clear as day. Yes, I can see it now…Cecelia is about to give me an exasperated look and swat me on the arm–Ow!

Cece: I barely touched you! Anyway, we’re just making sure our expectations match up. Don’t you and Johnny talk about stuff like this?

Lexie: We haven’t, no. I’m just saying, there’s no point in rushing things.

Cece: Nobody’s rushing anything, not even this doofus. There’s no harm in making sure you’re on the same page about the big stuff before you get too invested. What if Johnny really wants kids and you don’t? Wouldn’t you rather know that now instead of later?

Lexie: I don’t know, I just turned 19. I don’t even know if I want kids or marriage yet. I just want to pass my test on Thursday and plan something fun for Spring Break.

Johnny: Yeah, I’m not trying to think about any of that stuff yet, either.

Ben: Lexie’s right, the only thing we should be thinking about right now is Spring Break. I have the itch to travel. How does everyone feel about taking a few days to unwind in Granite Falls?

Cece: I’ve always wanted to go! And since we have a few weeks, that gives me plenty of time to plan. I can get started on an itinerary so we can make sure we don’t miss out on anything.

Lexie: I’ve been there a few times with my family. I can help you out with planning! There are some really great hiking trails we should check out, and you just have to see the falls. This is going to be a blast.

Johnny: I’m totally down to get away, but I’m telling you right now, I’m not following any damn itinerary. You said "unwind" and that's what I'm gonna do.

Ben: Awesome! I'm glad everyone's on board. Cecelia and I can bring our guitars and serenade each other by the campfire.

Johnny: On second thought, maybe I'll just stay home.

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

[planet-crait]

Episode 5 we have lost the glorious intro song again. Yes I am very invested in the into sue me.

The title card reminds me of the episode where Timmy wishes to not feel any emotions. I wonder if this will be similar to that or ever brought up. I noticed Timmy hasn’t come up since episode one but with the comments about how he haunts the narrative I expect him to be referenced again just an interesting note.

Okay it’s pretty cute how excited Hazel is that excited Jasmine is coming over. First new friend excitement is such a real thing. I have to wonder though how Cosmo and Wanda know Hazel calls them. If Fairies can hear their god kids call them from anywhere how did all the fairies lose their kids in the episode where everyone looks the same?

What kind of parent lets their ten year old watch horror movies? Maybe this is more common than I realize and my shock comes from how sheltered my parents raised me it’s just weird to me. Cute again how excited Hazel is to share them but uh, I am shocked a ten year olds parent isn’t monitoring what their kids are watching.

I couldn’t help but laugh about Jasmine talking about how bad a horror movie about dolls would be. My best friend cannot handle horror around dolls because he has a doll collection so I can feel that in my soul. I’m starting to see the flags for what Hazel wishes for and why and I appreciate the setup.

Also I appreciate Jasmine setting up firm boundaries about what she is and is not okay with. Good job kiddo, it’s important to establish firmly what is and is not okay and it’s nice to see her so comfortable with that. I wonder if Jasmine has tryophobia given her hatred of Swiss cheese specifically for the holes?

Hazel I get not wanting to watch a scary movie alone. I get certain things aren’t as fun by yourself I get it. But forcing Jasmine to be that companion is not it. And why don’t Cosmo and Wanda like question this choice at all? Did they ever with Timmy? This is another one of those have to go back and check isn’t it?

Why does removing Jasmines fear make another Jasmine? When Timmy lost his emotions they manifested very differently and this Jasmine looks evil instead of being terrified like fear was in the OG. We’ll see if this gets addressed lolz. I’m glad Hazel does ask about it, even if somehow Cosmo and Wanda don’t know the answer.

Oh monster oh fuck spider. I hate spiders. I am terrified. Wait theirs a new Jasmine for each of her fears? I’m very confused.

Wait how did Cosmo and Wanda not think of this they did this before? Wouldn’t removing all emotions and a specific one do the same thing? Or is their wordplay I’m not catching any caused the difference?

Why didn’t the wish not work? Ohhh they answered that fast but why would the fears reveal how they could be defeated? Why not laugh and leave and let Hazel work it out by bouncing ideas off of Cosmo and Wanda? Thats how I personally would have rolled with it. Villains revealing their weaknesses never makes sense to me.

Lolz wait did the wish make Jasmine pass out or is class that boring? I need to know this lolz. Also adults apparently also fail to notice anything ever because no one questions why Hazel looks like a puppet. Great note taking fake Hazel. 10/10.

Wait this specific thing is in Da Rules? Like how to defeat them? I thought Da Rules just…listed wishes that couldn’t be made?

Not sure how I feel about how Hazel is going about this but I suppose desperate times desperate measures? Though Hazel is right in that Jasmine has different skill sets than a lot of kids and it’s all true. A lot of people struggle when dealing with public situations involving people and Jasmine isn’t and it’s a good strength of hers. Jasmines family sucks though for teasing her so much.

Don’t kill me internet but uh I’ve never watched or read Charlottes Web lolz.

Wait where has fear itself been this entire time? I have questions. WOW good job Cosmo little late. I didn’t think their crowns could be knocked off?

Ohhh so fear can see Hazels fears. Oh that makes sense. I do like Hazel realizing what she was doing and acknowledging it wasn’t good and deciding to pick something with Jasmine to do. Not quite how I expected it to go I think an acknowledgment about boundaries would have been good but at least Hazel realizes she shouldn’t force people to be who they’re not.

…am I forgetting an episode of FOP or is the puppet going rogue thing ever going to come up when that happened?

After sleeping on it, I realized I’m glad the writers decided to do their own thing with their variations of losing an emotion. This show shouldn’t be just Hazels versions of Timmy’s wishes, this show should be able to be its own thing. And I think the twist of the fears each manifesting as something physical to face was a fun twist.

Episode 5 I found better than 4 and 2 but not sure it beats episode 3. I think it’s a pretty close tie currently. During the work week I think these reviews will be coming out a little slower just cuz I don’t have as much time sorry about that! Onto episode 6!

[inquisitor-of-hearts]

No Place Like Home (4)

Sam Drake/Reader

Sam brings you back home to meet his family but it's only the start of your relationship and the many feelings that come with it.

Spoilers for all of Uncharted. A sequel to Where No Man Goes.

Rating: Mature (Teen for this chapter)

Word Count: 1,910

Link to Where No Man Goes

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

on Ao3

The keys in Nathan’s hand find their way to the side table in the hall after he closes the door behind him.

“You let them go?”

Elena stands leaning against the door frame across from him. He watches her, a sense of guilt in his eyes.

“Well, yeah”

“Just like that?”

He shrugs.

“What was I supposed to do?”

“Talk some sense into him maybe? He’s your brother.”

“Elena, you don’t understand this”

“I do. And I can tell where this is going.”

He sighs, walking towards her.

“You know how we are. You know how he is. If he’s set his mind onto something, he is going to do it. It doesn’t matter what I or anyone says.”

“Yeah, I know. The same way you always did.”

There is a hint of sadness in her gaze, and then in his, too. He takes a few steps further towards her, his hands on her soothingly.

“Look he’s going to be fine. Don’t worry about him.”

Elena shakes her head.

“What about her?”

Nathan averts his gaze, his hand running down her arm, at last letting go.

“I was worried about that, too.”

“I remember the countless times I was worried sick about you. But you always went. You always got yourself into one trouble or another.”

“Elena, come on…”

“No” She slaps his hand away gently as he is about to hold onto her arm again and turns away.

“You’re still mad about that? That was years ago”

She huffs as she walks towards the kitchen, her arms crossed in front of her as her back leans against the counter.

“I can’t believe you and your brother do this. You don’t care about getting innocent people drawn into things like that. You didn’t care how many times you got me worried. It was horrible.”

“Wait a minute now” He walks after her, raising his hands defensively, “I’ve always tried to keep you safe.”

Elena’s hand runs over her face, contemplating.

“I just don’t understand you.”

“I told you I tried to talk to him” Nathan reassures her, “I can’t tell him what to do. And if she wants to tag along, she’s probably just as stubborn as you always were. I know he wouldn’t force her.”

She chuckles a little.

“I don’t know how I got through all of this with you.”

“Yeah me neither.” He smiles at her, overcoming the distance between them. His hands find her slowly, cautiously touching her hips and waist.

“It’s not our concern now, okay? They’ll be fine. Sam knows what he’s doing.”

“You sure?”

“Oh-- absolutely” he nods, “And I just need you to not think about that and be all relaxed and happy now.”

“All relaxed and happy, huh?” She snorts. “And why is that?”

“Well because I’m your husband” He says matter-of-factly, almost too believable, “And I’ve got to take care of you even more now.”

“I’m glad you’ve finally gotten to your senses.” A smile appears upon her lips, but vanishes soon. “I just hope your brother will get there, too. But you know what? At least he’s not taking his sweet time with her. He just takes her along.”

“Oh seriously now?” Nathan moans. “Aren’t you forgetting something? He was locked up all this time. He has no time to lose. Besides, he’s older.”

Elena smirks.

“He’s wiser, too. He probably knows he shouldn’t let a good thing go. Not for years, anyway.”

“Come on, you’re not really still mad about that, are you?”

“I kind of am. Always was. But I’ve got no way out now” she says and pushes herself away from the counter. Nathan’s hands raise but drop again, defeated when he lets her go upstairs without further protest.

You drag your suitcase over the carpet in the hallway and into the motel room. Sam stores the keys of the rental car in his pocket and follows you, unlocking and then closing the door behind the two of you. With a sigh you sit down on the bed. The dry heat of the desert strains your eyes a little and you close them, the back of your hand rubbing over them gently. Sam steps towards the side of the bed, pulling the covers back. Your turn your head to him.

“What are you up to?”

“Just checking for bed bugs quickly”

“Oh”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want my princess to get bitten by anyone other than me. Chivalrous, ain’t I?”

“As always.” You chuckle.

When he pulls the covers back more, you get up to let him check the whole bed and sit down in the armchair at the other side of the room, looking out of the window and watching the cars parked and a few people passing by.

“So you said that meet up is tomorrow, right?”

“You can’t come” he says firmly, without hesitation and you look at him speechless.

“I haven’t even--”

“No, listen, this isn’t up for debate. I took you with me and you’re here now. But that’s as far as I will go.”

He pulls the covers over the bed again and turns towards his duffel bag, unzipping it as he sorts through his things. You had never experienced him this cold and your heart sinks a little.

“But-- we’re in this together” you protest, looking at him, hoping he’d turn around. But he does not.

“We are, but this is off limits. I am not going to risk your life. You are way too precious for that.”

A broken off gasp off surprise comes past your lips.

“My life? How dangerous is this little trip of yours exactly?”

“Dangerous enough. Which is why I didn’t want you to come.”

“Sam” you say in an accusing tone and get up, walking up to him, grabbing his arm as he still does not turn around. He stops in his tracks, dropping the shirt in his hands back into the bag, then slowly turning around to you. His face is emotionless.

“I told you. No more negotiations.” he insists calmly.

“You’re acting like I’m not part of this.”

“You aren’t. Because I don’t want you in danger.”

“Excuse me? I--” You point towards yourself “was the one who stole what you needed.”

He takes a step towards you, his eyes dark, almost intimidating as he looks down at you.

“And it was easier and safer that way.” he explains still softly. “Now it’s safer for you to stay here.”

“Why do you act like you could have done it all alone?” You match his calm tone, but your gaze is defiant.

“Because I could have.”

You look away. It was true. And you would have never seen him again. You meet his stern gaze once more and finally go back to the arm chair, kicking off your shoes and curling up on it, holding onto your legs as you look out the window again. Sam watches for a while, then comes up to you.

“Baby” his hands settle on the armrests as he hovers above you, “You gotta understand I just want the best for you.”

“I was part of this. And now you cut me out.”

“You’re still part of this. I’m not abandoning you, I’m coming back. I just don’t want you in danger.”

You finally look up.

“What’s holding you back?”

“What’s--? What’s holding me back from what?”

“What’s holding you back from just running away without me?”

“Not that again” He sighs heavily and pushes himself off the armchair.

“Yes, that again” you say, your legs lowered. “I did the work. I put my neck out there for you. And now you’re so reluctant to take me? Now you want to pull it through on your own.”

Sam sighs wearily, his hand holding onto his face. He watches you in defeat.

“So let’s get this straight. You want me to take you there. You, someone who isn’t experienced in negotiating with these kinds of people. You, who they even might take as a means to pressure me and hold you at gunpoint?”

“Yes” You answer without thinking, then frown. “No… I mean--”

“Do you get it now?”

“I-- I didn’t--” You are at a loss for words. Sam kneels down in front of your seat and takes your hand.

“This isn’t a fun trip or adventure. This is dealing with ruthless people. I can’t let them know my weakness. And my weakness is you.”

You freeze, the hair on your skin standing upright from the intensity. His thumb rubbing softly over the back of your hand only adding to it.

“I’m sorry. I just-- I can’t stand the thought of you being out there and me not knowing what’s going to happen. From what you’re telling me these people aren’t exactly safe to deal with.”

Sam chuckles.

“Okay let’s say I take you. What would you do? Call the police? These people will have me buried 6 feet underground before you can even dial the number.”

“I don’t know. There has to be something I can do. We’re a team. I’m your partner, ain’t I?”

Sam breathes out heavily in defeat, getting up and facing the window now.

“You are.” he finally agrees. “I don’t trust anyone but you.”

You watch his profile, his gaze fixed on the parking lot outside.

“You know how to use a gun?”

Your heart skips a beat.

“Are you serious?”

He turns around, walking over to his bag where he pulls out a hard-sided container from beneath his folded shirt and opens it, pulling out the guns he brought. He unloads one of them, walks back to you and twists it around so that the handle faces you.

“So you are serious?” You check, your innocent gaze on him.

“You can come. But only if you take one of these. I’ll park the car somewhere off the main street. But you absolutely can’t get out.”

“Okay, I won’t. But--” You still look at the weapon, not daring to take it. He eventually puts it down on the table next to you, his hand contemplatively running over his lips and chin.

“I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to bring you into this mess.”

“I already am in it though. I was in it from long before.”

“I know” he speaks with a heavy heart. “And I’m sorry.”

Something in you moves and you lean forward, putting your arms around his waist. He hugs you tightly.

“I don’t think you should go” he whispers, his voice barely audible.

“I just want you to know that I’ve got your back.”

“I’d rather have you stay safe here though.”

“I’ll be okay. I’ll wait in the car. I promise. But uhm, actually… you’ll have to teach me how to use it. Just in case.”

“Just in case. Alright” He leans back with a soft chuckle, taking your hand in his. “Let’s go, I’ll show you now before it gets dark.”

As the evening sun sets, you get into the sheets with Sam after a quick shower, your hand running down his arm as you face his back. You can tell by how quiet he is that things are still on his mind. He turns around a little eventually, and when your hand reaches his, he grasps it and turns on his back, pulling you into his embrace. Your head leans against his shoulder and he pats it softly, his fingers running along your hair.

[solar-halos]

odesta week. day #4 - throwback thursday

summary: beach meet cute. 1k

The beach is safe. Not a lot of things are, especially after Annie’s Games. 

Lucky for her, the beach is right outside her house. It’s the one nice thing about living in the Victor’s Village. 

She dives under the water until her lungs feel like they’re going to explode. Then she pops back up and does it all over again. It’s nice and repetitive and puts her mind at ease. 

She comes back up. She stops in her tracks, stunned into silence by some fucking creeper suddenly in the water with her.

She whips some sopping wet strands of hair out of her face. Oh. That’s not a creeper—that’s Finnick Odair.

“Dude!” she protests, because who the fuck just sneaks up on someone like that? Especially a victor? “What gives?”

“Huh?” Eloquent. Annie thought he was supposed to be a poet. “I didn’t even see you out here! You’re the one who scared me.”

Oh. Something about that is so incredibly funny—she scared Finnick Odair—that she starts to laugh. Some people at the Career Academy were intimidated by her, sure, but take away all her throwing knives, and what was there to be scared of?

“I can hold my breath for a very long time,” she explains. “It’s like you didn’t even watch my Games.”

She purses her lips to keep from laughing again, because she’s pretty sure she’s not supposed to be joking about that stuff. She’s still fresh out of the arena, so no one says anything about it to her, but sometimes when she’s having a really good day she’ll sprinkle it into a conversation. Kinda like she’s taking the power back.

Finnick takes a step back. She wouldn’t have even noticed if it wasn’t for the water rippling.

“Right…” he says, like he’s not sure if he should laugh with her or start running home. Annie doesn’t know how to feel about that. “Well, it was nice running into you.”

Annie considers that. She supposes it was. She’s hardly talked to anyone since she got back, so it’s nice to know she’s still capable of normal things. Looking back, it’s a miracle she didn’t start swinging after he spooked her.

“Same here,” she says. “I’ve never seen you out here. Do you visit a lot, or are you already tired of the beach?”

“I don’t think anyone could get tired of the beach,” he replies, but he looks a lot less awkward now. He even stops taking steps back. “I usually come a lot later in the day, but I couldn’t sleep. You know how it is.”

Annie nods. She does. “Winning isn’t anything like the Academy said it would be. Night terrors are not the same as nightmares.”

“Yeah. They really need to update their curriculum.”

Annie laughs—that’s such a ridiculous thing to say, even if she can’t put her finger on why—and she knows that she reacted the right way when Finnick laughs with her. It’s strange—she saw him all the time when she was reaped, but she never spoke to him. Not really, unless they were talking about the arena, and even then he was always too drunk to tell her anything useful.

Annie leans closer so she can examine him. He seems very, very sober.

He leans back. His laughter fades into a tight-lipped smile. “What are you doing?”

“I dunno,” she admits. Of course he was sober. “It’s strange. Meeting you, I mean.”

She doesn’t need to explain what she means. He nods, obviously pleased with the fact that she’s not invading his personal space anymore. “I’m not mad about it. Like, meeting you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean—I didn’t love being jumpscared—”

“You snuck up on me!”

He’s the one that laughs first this time. “—but you’re very nice to talk to.”

That’s such a sweet thing to say that all she does is thank him. No one’s ever said that to her before—not even before she was reaped—but she’s glad that Finnick Odair thinks that she’s a pleasant conversationalist. She doesn’t ask him about it this time—or the next time they talk, or the next time—but she finally mentions it when they’re waiting for the cookies in his oven to bake. 

He grins at her. “I liked how unsettling you were.”

“What?” That was definitely not the answer she was expecting. Kinda—she knows that the Capitol thinks she’s fucking crazy, and that most people in the district think she’s a disappointment, but she has no idea why Finnick would find that appealing. “Finnick! You didn’t!”

“I did. I still do.” Ugh. It’s just like him to start firing up compliments to soften all their banter, so she crosses her arms over her chest and pretends like she isn’t blushing. “Cmon, dude—you have those big eyes and a very unpredictable mind. You kept me on my toes.”

Annie’s stomach sinks, genuinely disheartened by this information. She hopes it doesn’t show on her face.

“Oh,” she replies. She’s not sure what else there is to say. 

Somehow, he figures out she’s in a mood. He turns to her, the beginnings of a frown beginning to pull at his lips. Annie allows herself to frown, too. What gives? She’s not the one who called him unsettling and unpredictable.

“I can see how that might sound bad,” he admits. Annie rolls her eyes, suddenly a bit less offended. Boys are so stupid. “I mean, it does sound bad. I just mean that you’re very genuine. You talk to me like you’d talk to anyone else. And you ask me questions no one ever asks.”

True. And he always, always answers them. Sometimes, he’s the only person that ever does.

“So you don’t think I’m unsettling and unpredictable?” she presses.

“I retract my statement,” he confirms. Yeah—boys were stupid. Finnick makes it work. “You are not unsettling and unpredictable. You are fascinating and original.”

“Well, I’ve always been huge on free thinking,” Annie agrees.

Finnick smiles. Someone close the blinds. “That’s what I mean. I never know what you’re going to say.”

“And you like that?” She needs to be sure. 

“I like that.” 

“Okay. Well, if you were curious, I like hanging out with you because you’re the only person who ever listens to me.”

“You do like hearing yourself talk,” he says, but he’s joking, so she only bumps her shoulder into his.

“Yeah, right!” Talk about throwing stones in glass houses. “Why don’t you go recite another shitty poem?”

She’s not being mean. One time, he told her that he’s been making his poems progressively worse, just to see if the Capitol would say anything. It was a strange thing to say as someone that’s supposed to be a Capitol fanatic. Good thing that Annie knows he is not a Capitol fanatic.

“You love my shitty poems,” he shoots back. It’s true. She does (not that he needs to know that, though, so she rolls her eyes). “Annie Cresta, borne of the sea—”

Not this again! Thankfully, the timer for the cookies goes off, so she is spared from hearing him do a dramatic retelling of the poem he wrote for her. It’s a lovely poem—she just blushes too hard whenever he brings it up, which gives him a ton of leverage. 

Two can play at this game. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a pair of socks she knitted for him. His feet always got way too cold, prompting him to steal the blankets from her during their late night chats. She was gonna package it up for him, but if he was gonna be like this, she might as well fight fire with fire.

He doesn’t even try talking over the timer. He examines the socks like she just revealed another world wonder to him. “Woah,” he says, his cheeks turning just as pink as hers feel. “Thank you. You didn’t need to…”

He trails off. She doesn’t even have to interrupt him anymore, because he knows she didn’t need to—she wanted to, just like how he wants to do nice things for her, too.

He puts them on, sliding all over the floor the entire time Annie takes the cookies out of the oven. It’s not very long before he topples over and eats shit.

Annie crosses over to him. And then she melts onto the floor in solidarity.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“I’m okay,” he says. “Are the socks okay?”

She rearranges herself so she can tug at his ankle, examining the socks for any wear or tear. “Yup,” she says. “Good as new.”

He nods again. “Thank you again, by the way. I really love them.”

“I’m glad. Maybe now you won’t hog all the blankets.”

“As if!” he replies. It’s his favorite phrase of hers to borrow, and her favorite phrase to hear. 

She makes a face at him anyway. He makes a face back. Then, they promptly laugh so hard their stomachs cramp up.

Huh. Maybe being a victor wasn’t all bad.

[fastnights]

confessions • part four

eddie munson x fem!reader

summary: you ask nancy for advice on what to do

i don’t give permission to copy my work!

part one / part two / part three / part four

two weeks since you confessed your feelings to eddie.

two weeks since you last saw eddie in the parking lot at school.

you were over at the wheeler’s house, you were in nancy’s room sitting on her bed just ranting on and on about the situation, you wanted to have her opinion on should you go and talk to him now or wait, you honestly miss eddie and wished he did say something in his van or that he got out and tried to stop you from going in the house, you wondered if he feels the same way as you.

“nance it’s been exactly two weeks since i’ve been avoiding eddie and two weeks since i last seen him in the school’s parking lot, do you think i gave it enough time for i can actually sit down and talk with him about that whole so?” you asked.

“if you’re ready to talk to him now then you should, it’s been two weeks now since the whole situation, two weeks since you avoided him are you ready to see him again y/n?” nance asked.

“i mean i am ready but not ready at the same time like i can’t get myself to get it together and be around him again like nothing happened.” you said.

“if you want my advice i say you should talk to him, as your best friend y/n two weeks is long enough you both need to sit down in a room or somewhere and just talk.” nance said.

“you’re right, i give him a call and tell him we can talk tomorrow after school so you don’t have to drive me home from school, that’s only if things goes well.” you said.

“i’m happy to help and i’m sure eddie wouldn’t mess up again after that first incident y/n, just hear him out.” nance said.

“i am, thank you so much nancy for listening to my rants about the situation, you’re the best honestly grateful to have a friend like you.” you said.

“likewise y/n, likewise.” nance said.

you gave nance a small smile as you nodded your head at the same time, you were glad you asked nancy for advice but nance is right, it was time you should talk to eddie, it’s been long enough that you wanted space from him so you’re going to do the right thing and talk to eddie.

the next day at school you made it your mission to find eddie and tell him you need to talk to him, after you went home yesterday from nance’s house you forgot to give him a call but you knew you probably might run into him at school, so here you were at your locker getting your things for the classes for the day, you hope you can see eddie around lunchtime or something you really wanted to get this over with.

you can’t lie when you say you don’t miss eddie because you miss him a lot, it hurt when you didn’t want to see him anymore just because you expected him to say something to you after you confessed, you told him it wasn’t the easiest thing to say and it wasn’t it was hard but you got it out but his reaction isn’t what you thought was going to happen.

so it was lunchtime you wasn’t going to skip it like you’ve been doing two weeks ago, you needed to find eddie quickly.

once you enter the cafeteria you looked around and found the table where he normally sits and he was right there in that exact same spot, he hasn’t noticed you when you walked right in. you walked over to the table with your lunch in your hands as you sat down in your regular spot next to eddie, all eyes were on you since you haven’t been seen since the day you confessed to eddie.

“hi everyone, i know you all didn’t see me for two weeks something happened and i wanted to not be seen.”

“we all know what happened y/n.” mike said.

“eddie told us why you wasn’t around.” dustin added.

“oh well, what he said was true but the reason why i’m here because well, i’m actually here for eddie.”

oohs were heard from the boys as you glanced over at eddie who was looking back at you, probably wondering why you’re here for him. he looked like he was nervous too, you were nervous yourself honestly, you haven’t spoken to eddie in two weeks you reminded yourself.

“look eddie i know you been wanting to talk the past weeks i just needed time and now i want us to talk but privately.” you said.

“okay sure, meet me by my van after school and we can talk.” he said.

you smiled a bit as you started to finish your lunch, thankfully he wanted to still talk to you. you were hoping you won’t have to regret your choice on talking to him about the situation but the thing is he told the boys in hellfire, maybe they were worried why you wasn’t around during lunch, they knew something was up and eddie opened up to them.

lunch was over you said your goodbyes to the boys and told eddie you’ll see him later, you went back to your class for the day, you just couldn’t wait to finally have a conversation to eddie you will finally know why he acted the way he did the day you confessed to eddie.

[snowangeldotmp3]

dear barb;

hello hello >:) i come bearing a letter. general warning: this is in first person, because there's no way else to write a letter...so if first person pov is not your thing, kindly keep scrolling! <3 i'll be uploading this to ao3 too, if anyone feels more comfy reading it there!

i don't do taglists, but dio asked so kindly to be tagged so!! @flowercrowngods !! <3 now, onto the letter!

barb,

i don’t know why i’m writing this. max said it helped, and i miss talking to you, so here we are. i brought you some flowers. tulips, your favorites. i don’t even know if you can hear me, wherever you are, i hope you can. i hope it’s nice.

a lot has changed since that night. they found will, they found another girl too. they built a mall, then it got destroyed. then hawkins got split in half.

there’s a lot that’s changed, not just in hawkins, but everything. i’ve changed. for worse or for better, i’m not sure i know yet.

i broke up with steve. turns out we weren’t good for each other, and i wasn’t really myself when i was with him. you knew that, too. you were right about him, about me.

i guess you also know about the upside down. i won’t have to sugar coat anything.

we tried to find you, by the way. jonathan and i. we went out in the woods trying to hunt the monster that got will and got you, too. we thought if we found it and killed it, we’d find both of you.

we were wrong. i’m sorry. i should’ve listened to you. maybe if i had you’d still be here. or maybe if we had never gone to steve’s house at all. maybe we could’ve avoided all of this.

you want to know something really selfish? when will came back, i was angry. god, i was so, so angry. i mean, i was glad that jonathan got his brother back and that mike had his best friend back but…i don’t know. i couldn’t stay in the room long, it hurt too much. to know that they got their friend back but i couldn’t get mine. it didn’t make sense. it wasn’t fair. they were allowed to get their best friend back but mine was dead because of me. you weren’t coming back. we wouldn’t have anymore sleepovers and movie nights and study sessions. you were gone.

gone. gone. gone.

i waited until i got home before i started crying. i didn’t want mike to see me upset after his best friend came back. i ran upstairs, locked the door, grabbed an old sweater that you left at my house and cried until i threw up. i still have the sweater. it was the one you gave me on halloween in ’82, when it got so cold it snowed.

after that everything was blurry for a little bit. numb. i turned sixteen and didn’t even care because we made plans for that and you weren’t there. my mom tried to make a big deal out of it, but it wasn’t the same. i needed you.

i still need you.

then your birthday came up, in the summer. you were supposed to turn seventeen. i don’t think i even got anything done that day. mom thought i was sick but i just kept playing every moment back in my head. every movie night, every sleepover, every phone call—all the way up to knowing you were gone. to knowing i couldn’t call you that day and say “happy birthday,” because there was nobody to call.

it was also the same day i decided that whoever did this to you, whoever created the upside down, needed to pay. i know i can’t ever really give you justice, but i can try. the lab—the ones who created all of this—got shut down. we had to water the story down though, had to say that it was a chemical spill that killed you. not a monster from another dimension.

not that it was me.

we had a funeral for you. i couldn’t stay there too long, either. it hurt too much. The funeral and the fact that you weren’t even in the casket. it was a nice funeral though, the parts that i stayed for. i left before they lowered the casket in. i didn’t want to say goodbye to you, even if i knew you weren’t even in there, it just made it too real.

i still think about that night. i think about how i should’ve listened to you and that maybe we could’ve stopped it and maybe then you would’ve graduated with the rest of us, instead of rotting in the upside down. how maybe we would’ve gone to the same college like we had planned to do. how we would’ve gone to prom. how we would’ve celebrated your eighteenth, how you’d had that planned for years, and how we were supposed to celebrate it together.

how you’re sixteen forever.

how i should’ve listened to you. how it should’ve been me instead. how maybe i could’ve stopped it. i used to spend every night hoping, praying, that it was all just a bad dream and that i would see you at school the next day. that you weren’t gone, you were still here with me. i’d spend those nights wrapped up in your sweater sobbing, wishing that it would take me too. i didn’t know what to do without you. but i kept going, even if i hadn’t wanted to.

i killed the son of a bitch who did it. partially, at least. i had help from a girl with superpowers, which is…a crazy sentence to write, but, it’s true. we took him down. made him pay. i just wish we hadn’t had to do it at all, you know? i wish that we could’ve been normal teenagers and you would’ve been there to see it.

i didn’t make friends for a long time. not until recently. her name is robin. she reminds me a lot of you, actually. not that i’m replacing you, you can’t be replaced. she said that you guys were friends before we were, which is insane to me. maybe that’s why we work, she’s so similar to you anyway, it almost feels like you’re still here. she’s like another connection to you, someone who actually remembers you. someone who actually knew you. maybe in another life we could’ve all been friends. i like to think we would’ve been. i would’ve liked that.

i’m leaving you with an old photo of us, the ones we took at that little kiosk in that mall in Terre Haute, so you’ll have a little of me with you. there were two copies, one for me, and one for you. i know those were your favorites, and i hate to think that you’d be lonely wherever you are, so I’m leaving these with you.

i’ll write you another letter sometime, it might be a while before the next one, but for this, i really just wanted to say; i’m sorry. i should’ve listened to you.

i’m sorry. i wish you were here. it should’ve been me.

i miss you.

i love you

yours always, nancy.