#one thing a day. i super hate how much less i can create. i wasnt even doing it for postings sake i just was Like That lmfao

[fosterscribbles]

Haiii I'm back to classes again, it won't change much since I've been significantly slower at posting or making anything I feel like posting, but the few times I do post may dissappear as I hurtle closer to December

[justalilpearlie]

Ngl might start being more open abt me alterhumanity here. Like IRLs and fictionkins and whatnot.

I mean its not like I precisely hide it or anything either tbh, but I dont talk abt it as much

Then again I have @pretty-house-pretty-garden where I should rlly work on my intro and start posting more. Since I legit made it *for* that

But like yeah idk

Cus i wanna post some writings ive done based on my memories cus idk they're stuff im proud of. shrugs

but like idk i dont wanna main tag it or stuff cus ik them outsiders cc's be usin tumblr n dont wanna see that. But then again if i just make it very clear im not fan posting but rather mem posting. They cant get mad at me... and if they do thats their problem but i still can try and do my best to make sure we chill

Cus personally im very chill w krowfang and id like to mantain that odd parasocial friendship and not make it uncomfortable.

Then again i do disagree w some stuff it says abt tumblr cus like. Hey. when ppl post abt cocoa duo tahts c!krow and c!magic not cc!krow and cc!magic so like bro leave ur own issues w her out of this. Its like bringing the children into the problem. Dont bring us into yalls friendship divorce

And i aint even like a fan of hers btw she's just my cc and i jokingly call her my "mother" slash "creator" cus im an IRL of c!magic. But like pls cc!magic wasnt actually like publicly problematic or shitty, from what ive heard she was just like. Difficult to work with?? Immature maybe? Lack of compromise?? Whats that have to do w ppl posting abt yalls characters who had an interesting story and relationship together. I just dont get it man.

Again aint gonna tag this cus im just ramblin but man it seriously bothers me (as in the situation). Like at times i hear it complain abt that stuff on stream and it makes me feel a bit like shit?? Then im like wtf why should i feel like shit for existing man, i didnt even choose to be this splitdye haired gal, what the flip. But then again still I dont rlly feel like watching it or hearing it yap for at least a day or two.

"That sounds like a you problem" and it is! But this is also a me account. and its complains are it problems, not community problems, but it is its community so its entitled to complain abt this stuff there too. I just find it kinda shitty cus like. "I get it" ok so stop shamin ur fanbase man... like im just sayin, it be complaining abt its tumblr fanbase like the tumblr ppl aint gonna be in the twitch chat too... im just- idk man

Seems a bit shitty

Eh whatever, at the end of the day its still krow krowfang and im its strongest soldier. And it created one of my biggest hyperfixations, might be a sp/in atp, idk man like its not always super intense but my interest in that thing never dies, like i NEED it to fuel my veins... gzhhshxhdhgwhdh. Like its bigger than a normal interest, but also not as intense as a hypefix atm. Maybe its a hyperfix that comes and goes, maybe it can stay in the normal interest zone for a while, heck yeah i win!

One less thing to be insane abt. Until it mentions it again.

God actually i think its gonna be doing the ao3 fanfic reading today, idk how much i wanna see that idk

Tho it did say it was gonna pick out the better ones. But im scared of another fandom rant. Then again some ppl do deserve to be told off a lil bit, like if theyre straight up writing horrendous shit. But the hate on harmless fan writing abt popular duos? Thats just. Idk man. that i cant get behind.

Uhhhh whatever this is way too long already

Buh bye lovelies

[lilshotgun]

So here's why i've been inactive for the past couple months on tumblr:

As many of you know, I've been a fairly avid content creator for the warrior nun fandom creating a ton of content for free. I joined a Warrior Nun discord server named Future Warrior Nuns (which is a ridiculous name considering in the show Ava says there will be no more warrior nuns but that's besides the point) and the treatment I received there was amazing. At the beginning. I spoke up about racism and injustices within the community because you cannot escape it anywhere unfortunately and I believed I'd found a community that would protect me and be there for me if i was ever faced with racism or hate.

For clarity, anyone in blue is a moderator. As you go on to read this their usernames and profile images might change so I’ll clarify who is who. I’ll only be using the names I’ve been presented with and only the ones that are most relevant to the situation. 

Fiesta  (white American cis woman) aka Doesn't Kelly, Witch Rhyme

Taz (white Australian cis woman) 

Milan (a very sheltered American transmasculine poc whos uncomfortable talking about racism because they've never had to deal with it) aka Who The Fuck Is Kelly

Rory (white Australian cis woman) aka Stronger Kelly

 But after a while, things slowly started to change. It was subtle and if you hadn't been there from the beginning, you wouldn't have noticed. It started with the moderators spending less time in the server because they had made many of their own servers and spent far more time over there. Which is understandable when you’re a group of friends that all have a common purpose. But the lack of leadership was palpable. I had to sometimes direct fellow server members to proper channels or do a few other things that were supposed to be things that the moderators were supposed to take care of and their lack of care for the server was becoming more relevant. If you were in their little group of friends or kissed their ass then they wouldn't target you unnecessarily. 

    Exactly three weeks later, (and only one week after my birthday in which everyone was super sweet and nice to me) the love and friendship they claimed to have for me vanished completely. For context, people in positions of power, especially in a server, should be people you can come to if you ever have an issue with anything or anyone. They should also be people that can come to terms with admitting their behavior was incorrect when being told so. So here is what happened:

I have always been open about being a transmasculine person of color on all my platforms, and if you know me on any platform you know that. The behavior shown here between me and the moderators was absolutely appalling to me. They pushed my voice aside and only acknowledged Narcissa, a cis white woman, who was agreeing and saying the same things i had because i had asked her in private to help me out because i felt it was unfair that two server moderators were coming at me so aggressively. 

As you can see from the screenshots, they claimed that I attacked Fiesta when i was simply pointing out that her behavior was hypocritical and unfair especially because she is in a position of power and that's something people of power should be aware of. 

I was the only one brave enough to say what everyone was thinking. And that's something I have always taken pride in. Speaking up for others when they are too scared to do so themselves. And that was shown through multiple people coming into my dms to tell me they either felt the same way I did or they felt the way I was treated in the conversation above was unfair. This next screenshot is from a private message from a former manager. 

Narcissa (white cis woman)  received a few apologies from the server managers privately, yet my dms stayed vacant. At this point, they made a “public apology” towards everyone in the server which I forgot to screenshot, and not a single server manager reached out to me in private. But they did share these in the server for everyone to see:

They then opened an anonymous feedback form for us to share if we had any issues privately, which of course, I did, and so I filled it out saying “wheres my fucking apology ~king” so they would know exactly who the response was coming from. I was angry and hurt that they treated me the way they did. I regretted wording it like that almost instantly after sending it. But the deed was done and it was unchangeable. And not too long after, this was posted publicly in the server feedback channel so that everyone in the server could see:

Whether I shared that it was from me or not, she violated the server moderators unanimous statement saying that everything posted in the feedback form would stay anonymous and made my response public using the excuse that me sharing my name made it okay for her to show it to everyone. I was also being informed by other people I’m friends with that the forms that were being submitted were not staying anonymous and that they were being shared from other moderators privately in other peoples' dms.

I stuck around in the server because the people that I had formed friendships with were there and they were special to me and I wanted to be able to talk to them still in spite of everything that had happened to me up until this point. I was much more subdued at this point, I was posting less art and as you noticed I practically disappeared from twitter as well. 

My love for Warrior Nun was decreasing rapidly because the environment had become so toxic and unwelcoming that I felt scared to say much in the server in fear of being banned after seeing one of my trans poc friends banned for saying hi to another member. They had been looking for a reason to ban him for being on my side instead of theirs and apparently found the “perfect” excuse. They deleted his messages and claimed in their private admin channel that he had harassed someone in the server without screenshotting the false evidence first. How do I know this? Because I had a person on the team that valued me as a person instead of as a content creator and what I could give to the server.

I proceeded to curate the server for what fit me best, considering the ridiculous number of channels they created that had nothing to do with the show at this point. And there was an option for members to do that so I used the tools they had provided with and opted out of channels I no longer wanted to see. I consolidated it down to 35 out of 66 channels because some of them had no opt out option. And still, it was way more channels than I'd prefer to be in. I narrowed it down to only ships I actually cared about instead of having a bunch of channels I was never gonna read or say things in. And that's when the manager that cared about us provided me with these telling screenshots.

Why put me in “jail” over removing some roles? It may not have been explicit, but the internalized racism of putting a person of color in “jail” for curating what they wanted from a server is frankly off putting to say the least. "Implicit racism includes unconscious biases, expectations, or tendencies that exist within an individual, regardless of ill-will or any self-aware prejudices." 

And what does carl bot do exactly? It logs EVERYTHING. But only if that feature is enabled. And clearly, in Future Warrior Nuns, it is.

 They didn’t care about me and didn’t care that I was a consistent content creator. For lack of better words, I was one of the biggest reasons the actual part of the server that was dedicated to the show was constantly active and once I became quiet, along with a few other content creators I talked with, the activity decreased immensely. I said things here and there but that was about it. Until I was looking through their emotes. I noticed that they had trans, gay, demi, bi, aro, and ace heart emotes but the lesbian one wasnt there. Which was honestly surprising considering how much of the fandom identifies as lesbian. So I asked for it to be added and after it was, so many people were super happy because of it.

One day later i asked for more Mary emotes because they hadn’t completely brushed me off after requesting for the lesbian pride one. I noticed that Ava, the white character, had 72 animated and still emotes at the time while Mary, the black character, only had 18. And only 4 out of those were positive emotes. Here's that conversation:

I offered up my services to create Mary emotes for them considering I was an artist and content creator and it would be no issue for me at all to contribute but they declined, saying they were working on some themselves and that they would eventually add them to the server. The ones that they had created all looked terrible. They didn't know how to color correct her skin so that it wouldn't look ashy because of the filters used in the show and instead of asking for help from me, an artist of color, they simply did their own thing. And from 18 emotes, it went up to a dazzling 24. 

Needless to say, the racism they claimed not to have was pretty evident at this point. It was shockingly clear that they didn’t care as much about the characters of color than they did for the white and white passing ones. After this entire debacle I didn't even bother trying to ask for more emotes for Lilith considering how warmly I was welcomed with asking for more Mary emotes. 

A little less than two months after the initial incident, I still hadn’t been contacted by anyone on the admin team about absolutely anything in private. It wasn’t until people asked Fiesta if she had reached out to me or even bothered with an apology before she sent me this:

The “apology” was worthless. Too much time had passed since I was publicly humiliated and portrayed as the evil transmasculine person of color to them, and only a select few people interacted with me. I felt completely shut out because of how the admin team handled a difference of opinion. Instead of correcting themselves and admitting they were wrong, they doubled down on the intimidation and bullying  by changing their rules so that they could find excuses to ban or punish anyone they felt was not on their side. 

At this point, my grades were heavily declining. I was already struggling with keeping up with everything on my own due to covid and my mental disabilities. Being a victim of this racist behavior made everything worse. I couldn’t get out of bed, I was barely eating a meal a day because I had no motivation to work so I had little to no money to buy myself food. I was starving most days. And I didn’t ask my mom for help because I felt everything was my fault and that I really was in the wrong and shouldn't have said anything even though looking back at it I wasn't wrong for what I said. I had also been informed that my dad died because of covid and because of all of this stress and depression I had officially failed my classes. 

This is really difficult for me to say because I’m a very private person and I hate asking for help or sharing anything about my private life, but for you to understand everything that was happening to me at the time, this is stuff you unfortunately need to know. 

There’s many more things that I could say about this server but this thread is already long enough as it is and it was hard enough to write this all down. But behind closed doors, the admin team had some of the nastiest attitudes and behaviors you could’ve seen. Had they realized we had someone on their team that actually valued us and others as people, they probably would have kept their blatant ignorance and dislike towards server members hidden better. But white people like oppressing others when they know they can get away with it and this is just another sad unfortunate example that cost me and my fellow friends of color some heavy emotional and psychological damage.     They did wrong and refused to acknowledge it and instead tried to find a way to ban us for not having the hivemind that they so desperately want to control everyone with. If you want to see for yourself, feel free to find a link to a discord server named Future Warrior Nuns. If you look back through their channels, you’ll find most of these conversations either gone or have many messages missing. I hope my story will help understand why I’ve been gone from tumblr for so long and i hope something like this never happens to you.

[thisdreamplace]

I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?

ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH

uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)

so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too

another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)

as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.

then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD

i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)

in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.

i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)

anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)

uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha

ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow

BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks

[gilgaemsh-a]

IM FINALLY ABLE TO MAKE MY BNHA OCS AHHHH!!!!! part one at least lmao i’m gunna make a part 2 reallllllllly soon

the style of this picrew is similar to bnha style so it’s better for me to think up my ocs (at least the girls) this way!! (i’m very picky orz)

also i’m always up for rping if anyone is interested!!!!! dm me dude!!!!!!!!!!!!

also also! quirks aren’t like final versions?? im still tryna figure out how to make quirks more... quirk-like lol.

intros under the cut!!

@bnhappreciation​ @bnha-oc-collection​

ankou fuwara (#1 & #2)

the ever blooming hero: chloris

ankou is my most loved oc and the by far the hardest to make for some reason. her and her quirk went through so many changes its insane but i finally settled on something perfect.

she’s currently an active hero having just graduated from u.a. she’s extremely popular and currently number 12 on the hero billboard (shes 19 btw)

ankou quirk is overgrowth aka chlorokinesis - the manipulation of plant life and pheromone generation. (she can do a lot with her quirk so shes my second most op character)

her range is pretty much the same as pixie bob’s earth flow.

ankou was actually a child star, a very popular actress/model. she quit when she graduated to focus on her hero career which is one of the reasons why she’s so popular.

when ankou was in school to was the top u.a. student along with two others (they’re boys so i wasnt able to make them but one day i will)

ankou quirk is actually a combo of her parents her mother has minimal manipulation over plants and her father could manipulate his pheromones

ankou is the older sister type. she’s super kind and caring and protective of people close to her.

she unofficially adopts izuku when she meets him

she also (surprisingly) has a good relationship with bakugou. she treats him like a younger brother and teases him a lot.

ankou is also the type to be really scary when angry

ankou had a really hard time making friends growing up because she couldn’t control her pheromones properly

alot of the times her classmates or even random people would fall in love with her just by her scent or other times end up being despised by it

both of ankou’s parents actually come from hero families. they grew up together since their families knew each other & they were both the youngest. neither of them wanted to be heroes.

ankou’s mother (ririka) is a pharmacist for one of the top hospitals in japan while her father (aizen) is an a-list actor.

side note! ankou’s father aizen took ririka’s last name.

i hardcore ship ankou and tomura. it literally started by me just thinking “oh hey lmao ankou has a life quirk and tomura has a death quirk! wait-”

so now their my otp.

oh btw the first pic is how ankou looks currently, the other is her older.

kurena kan (#3)

the healing heroine: nightingale

my child. my baby. she’s never done a single thing wrong in her entire life.

kurena is a mixed baby, half japanese & half american

she grew up with her father sekijiro kan in japan, her mother, charity brown is currently deceased.

her quirk is miracle blood - the ability to heal others and herself using her own blood. she can manipulate her blood as well. kurena has high regenerative properties as well! as long as her blood is flowing she can heal herself extremely fast.

as you know vlad king (her father) is able to manipulate blood but kurena’s mother was able to heal people with her quirk (empathic healing) which resulted in kurena’s quirk.

kurena is currently a first year at u.a. in izuku’s class.

she’s the tomboy type, tends to get into a lot of fights though she’s actually really mellow and cool.

she’s also the type that if she were to dress as a boy, she’d make a really hot one. (though as a girl she’s super hot too)

she’s recovery girl’s apprentice and helps out alot in the infirmary of the school

deku spends a lot less time there since kurena can heal him lol

i ship kurena with todoroki and bakugou. my beloved ot3

all three of them are p competitive with each other (don’t worry it’s all healthy competition)

kurena’s mother came to japan to further to abilities and apprentice under recovery girl which is how her and sekijiro met

she died helping recovery girl heal all might as a backlash of her quirk

kurena’s mother is full blown italian! and partially named kurena because it sounds like carina which means beloved

in japanese kurena the kanji for her name is crimson

oh!! aizawa is kurena’s godfather on her mother’s side! the two are very close

charity and aizawa were best friends before she died

miwa midoriya* (#4)

all in one heroine: alter ego

oof my most op oc you can fight me im not changing her.

miwa is actually the daughter of two high profile villains

she’s actually an “experiment”, the two villains had been working on a way to merge their quirks in the perfect way to make a strong villain - miwa was their current project until she escaped them

miwa doesn’t know how many others came before her or what happened to them when she asked she was told her ‘siblings’ were disposed of.

miwa’s quirk is gunna be the hardest to explain lol the short version is: miwa’s body can mimic and control different elements.

like... full on mimics elements. yknow like and elemental spirit? how it’s just a being made of fire or water or air etc etc? that’s miwa.

i’m actually on the fence about making the elements miwa shifts into to be alters (like she suffers from dissociative personality disorder.) so basically every time she shifts into a different element that element has its own personality? tho maybe it doesn’t even need to be DID it could just be the way her quirk works? SOMEONE GIVE ME INPUT PLS

her mother is a shapeshifter while her father could control elements

miwa was rescued by izuku’s father and then later adopted by him when it was quickly realized she didn’t want anyone else

she grew up with izuku and bakugou. her a bakugou are actually quite close since she’s the first person to beat him in stuff. he likes how strong she is.

miwa is also a pacifist! she had no interest in being a hero (it sounded like more trouble then it was worth) but when bakugou and izuku applied for u.a. she didn’t want to be left alone so she applied.

miwa is a soft bean. she hates violence but is willing to ATTACK when her loved ones are in danger

she’s also in the constant fear that her parents are watching her every move. she feels as if her parents gave her up to easy or staged the hero rescue for a reason. she’s constantly paranoid lol

miwa is classified as “looks like a cinnamon roll; can kill you”

nagi the tempest (#5)

real name: aoka arashi

currently my only villain but don’t worry i plan on making more!

nagi is the only daughter of as prostigious hero family.

the arashi family was known for its variety of powerful weather related quirks and continued to plan marriages based on quirks

the arashi family was also very abusive in its training and pushed nagi through limits she still has nightmares about; the training was due to how volatile nagi’s quirk is. which she was often blamed for

one day nagi snapped and destroyed the arashi family home along with everyone inside she was on the run for awhile before dabi found her

at that point i guess he was already apart of the league of villains? i’m not sure when dabi joined tho so this is just me guessing

nagi’s quirk is storm - nagi is able to create storms and manipulate them! it’s an extremely violate quirk that almost got her killed when she first manifested it. it’s the reason her training was so grueling. nagi needs moisture in order for her quirk to work

and while thunderstorms are something she can make she can’t actually control the lightning; not because it’s not apart of her quirk but because lighting is tricky to control in itself

she wields a katana that acts as a conduit for the lightning

when nagi does try to control the lightning more often than not it backlashes onto herself creating wounds/scars on her body in the shape of lightning bolts

dabi thinks they’re really pretty

nagi is the silent type. she very rarely talks and no one in the league of villains has ever heard the sound of her voice

dabi brags about being the only person nagi talks too

the name nagi was given to her by dabi it means the calm before the storm

though dabi gave her the nickname he often calls her aoka when they’re alone

despite her blonde hair and blue eyes nagi is 100% japanese!

her and dabi are hardly ever seen apart and if you haven’t guessed it i ship them lol

hinata enma (#6)

the beguiling heroine: enchanter

my trans baby girl!!!!!!!!

a 5th generation geisha currently a maiko of course

her quirk is heartbreaker - a succubus quirk! besides her supernatural beauty and over all supernatural condition (strength, speed all that good stuff) hinata’s real quirk is her voice; her voice has the power to control others and even alter reality.

you know allison hargreeves from the umbrella academy? that’s hinata

i’m still not sure how i want hinata to be able to trigger that power like how allison as to say “i heard a rumor” to use her power?? idk what i want hina to say

a hinoenma is a japanese yokai extremely similar to succubi which is where i got hina’s name

as i mentioned, hina is a geisha! not a prostitue

growing up hina was taught art, dancing and singing she excels at all three uwu

hina’s mother, yuuhi, is close friends with masaru bakugou. masaru usually goes to her for help with traditional japanese fashion

because of this bakugou and hina grew up together

the two are best friends even though they go to separate schools katsuki is the only one hina doesn’t use her power on

katsuki is also the one to encourage hina to become a hero though the two don’t go to u.a together instead hina attends shiketsu high

the two of them video call each other daily

hina is very mischievous!! she likes playing harmless pranks and teasing others

when she was in elementary and middle school she was often picked on for her quirk being a ‘villain’ quirk

she’s never used her quirk in malicious ways

the most malicious way she’d use is to help play a prank

she trains with bakugou when she can

[lilytcyip]

December 31st, 2019

1.3 tera v w/ rjin & ggao

1.4 cactus & la foret w/ jng

1.8 talked it out with jng ; tried to understand that if i were happy, what more could you ask for

1.11 cyns bday dinner

1.11 craft beer w/ aleung & lwong

1.13 arisu & standing egg with efeng & aleung ; drove on highway for the first time

1.18 west dineout w/ annie pkp

1.19 glass w/ fifi

2.10 first snow of the year

2.3 cny lunch at home with the fam - tong yuen & poon choi

2.4 mooseknuckles - grateful

2.5 lunar new year

2.16 hangiout with mamayip & sis: beta 5, fixing the parka, meetfresh, miku sushi dindin

2.17 mom leaving for 2 months, wandering earth with the yips

2.19 happy hour cactus w/ fifi

2.20 kokoro lunch & shopping w/ rjin

2.20 so hyang w/ veda & nwu

2.21 black been noodles & tonkatsu lunch & usagi matcha sweets w/ ewong

2.22 green leaf sushi & grounds for coffee w/ vtan

2.25 sushi mura w/ acao ; larry berg planes and kisses for the first time

3.13 mental health talk w/ nwu & tchiu + jamjar

3.15 virtuous pie & nanas green tea w/ rjin

3.16 wine night w/ claw, aleung & fsyal

3.17 tabom & stanely park w/ jerpilla

3.23 pool & rc shopping with jyang

4.3 studying with jyang on campus & langara bye

4.9 studying with jyang at my house

4.18 ramen danbo & official date 

4.20 so hyang & off the grid waffles w/ ayip

4.26 sci ning off w/ aleung, claw, fsyal, lwong & mcheung

4.27 clay llama terra pot class

4.29 so hyang budae jjigae & yifang w/ ewong

4.30 rc shopping & sushi lover with the yips 

5.1 maenam, kits beach & rain or shiine ice cream w/ rjin

5.2 our first little tiff & being called chubby by mlo

5.3 shopping w/ vchan, aleung & fsyal

5.7-5.11 LA trip

5.8 LACMA & melrose & century city field

5.9 warner bros tour

5.10 malibu

5.28-6.1 hokkaido, japan

5.29 a 2-floor hotel with own onsen

5.31 otaru food adventures

6.1 doraemon painting & royce airport

6.2 macau: got scammed by taxi & lost luggage

6.7-6.15 inner mongolia & beijing

6.18 first co op offer 

6.21 fire port party at fifis house

6.29 pottery painting w lwong, aleung, vchan, fsyal

7.5 brunch w/ rjin at jethro’s fine grub, baker & table

7.6 nwu’s birthday dindin at coast, hangout with aleung & nwu at nightingale

7.14 leavenworth cherries

7.17 brunch w/ rjin at OEB

7.19 nightmarket w/ jyang, mlaw, rjin

7.21 beach day w/ aleung, fsyal & lwong; hy’s with fam

7.24 chau veggies w/ acao

7.27 shiok & icy bar w/ ewong

8.3 first day of work at doctors office

8.4 escape room w/ vchan, fsyal & jyang; bowling & anh and chi

8.17 dindin w/ fsyal, aleung & tlim; double date walks at olympic village with ancas

8.18 - 8.19 kelowna

8.18 polar grove & penticton lazy river, mission hill

8.19 kayaking, quail’s gate

8.24 lit night at fifis house with the girls and boys

8.25 aleung’s bday harrison trip

8.27 work shopping & nuba w/ fsyal

8.28 sleepover w/ rjin

8.29 brunch w/ aleung, moii cafe chill with fsyal too

9.3 first day of co op work

9.7 grave of the fireflies & wildtale cuddles

9.14 eric chou meet & greet

9.19 amandarachlee neg comment and posted my encouragement on her story

10.5 maiko parfait & shopping w/ jyang, earls with the amigos

10.18 gmen & oncecake: melody, rillakuma, card & collage

10.24 dark table w/ rjin

11.7 moii after work 

12.15 baking custard souffle pancakes w/ ewong

12.18 office christmas party & bbt w/ slim

12.19 glow

12.21 fifi’s christmas party

12.22 christmas market w/ rjin: churros & chimney cake

12.23 psyc team secret santa & mahjong

12.25 christmas dindin at market by jean-georges

12.26 birthday dindin at zeferelli

12.27 ring & birthday dinner at brix and mortar w/ jyang

12.28 skated alone, worked out, baked & dindin at botanist

looking back at it now, i definitely went out a lot more compared to previous years LOL i had some struggles in january, and at multiple points in my life i blamed myself for being ungrateful, for seeking more when i already had so much in life compared to other people. my friends were there for me and i wouldnt have been able to live through it without them. then again, during reading break in february, i got myself into the same hot mess and i was sad about it for a week and i blamed myself for getting so attached so quickly. because of these experiences, my expectations were v low and i didnt really expect anything when i talked to jyang, what they say really is true, you get it the moment you stop seeking for it. it comes and find you (: the 3 most important that happened this year is burbur, co op job & me getting more comfortable around doggs; this is a big deal !! i actually like cuddling dogs and i feel less scared of them as long as i have some time to get used to them!! im proud of myself for making progress with my phobia! after i started my co op job, bc i didnt have a lot to do, i felt like i wasnt actively contributing to my workplace and that i was very useless. i still feel the same way now, but i think i am slowly getting used to it. thankfully, my coworkers are VERY nice and i enjoy working around them. while i did not get a different position for january, im still grateful that i got an extended placement. nonetheless, meeting with the different PIs and sumeet pointed me in the right direction of looking for nserc / volunteering opportunities when i do go back to school. AND ofc burbur! im grateful that we were able to be there for each other for the past 8 months, both the ups and downs and i am so so thankful that we’re understanding and patient with each other, as we help each other learn along the way and help each other become a better version of ourselves. this companionship is better than i have asked for and i always remind myself to focus on the important things rather than the minor inconveniences. this year, in terms of fitness goals, ive been doing really well before asia. but ever since i came back, it all went downhill and i gained back all the weight that i lost this year year LOL so in 2020, one of my biggest goal is to eat healthy again, and workout more consistently. getting a job in sept kinda interfered with my progress too, bc i was so tired after work, even when i wasnt doing anything and i stressed eat bc i felt terrible. a lot of diff factors made me feel super stressed, and the fact that i wasnt eating clean / exercising reguarly made me feel worse about the whole situation ): so in 2020, maintaining a healthy lifestyle will be one of my top priorities and gifting myself a healthy body is one of greatest things i can do for myself. this also contributed to the lack of journalling near the end of the year, it felt like bc i wasnt doing the things i was “supposed to do”, i just felt so bad whenever i couldnt tick off that particular habit whenever i fill in my trackers. but tonight, i watched this video and it talked about habits should be for awareness, not for self-hate or self-loathing. this is something that i need to keep in mind. ever since april really, the issue of leaving my house and meeting up with my friends have always stressed me in fear of dealing with passive aggressiveness with my mom lool everytime i get inviited to plans, i just get anxiety about having to tell her about it LOL and even when im out, having a msg/ call for her freaks me out in fear that she will get mad at me for being home late and etc and fifi really woke me up with her words, i should just care less LOL i need to stop caring so much about what she thinks, bc at the end of the day, this IS my life and if i never make any changes, i will never be able to grow and be independent. i think this pree much sums up all my events and emotions in 2019, the last year of the 2010s. in the next decade, a lot of things will happen as i will be in my 20s - 30s, where new opportunities will arise, and graduate uni, do my masters, find a job, maybe even marry and move out LOL the 2020s will definitely be an impt decade, but just for next year i want to:

1. understand that i am old enough to make choices, and in general, care less about what she thinks

2. at the same time, i want to appreciate and be grateful for what my mom, dad and annie have done for me; a lot of the times, i feel like i take them for granted just bc i know they will always be there for me and this is not how you should treat your biggest supporters

3. trust that everything will workout in the end, while you may not be able to envision what you career / life would be like when youre 30, you can definitely take small steps and move towards your goal

4. be mindful of what i eat and exercise regularly (4x hiit & cardio a week) ; treats & sweets in moderation; use those habit trackers for awareness, not for self-loathing / self-hate

5. create art regularly, read more and at least do 5 duolingos every week! 

every year, time just seems to go by faster and faster and i feel scared at times. as i type this, theres only 8 minutes left of this decade LOL so in 2020, continue to live in the moment, be present, cherish those that are around you, and have faith that everything will come together, one piece at a time. at the same time, always rmb that you can make small changes to be a better version of yourself, whenever & however you want and this is the 1 thing that other people can’t stop you from doing! 

[comicteaparty]

April 3rd-April 9th, 2019 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from April 3rd, 2019 to April 9th, 2019.  The chat focused on the following question:

What webcomic inspired you to get into webcomics?  Please tell us about your journey. 

lonelytuatara

there were several for me but I think Sakana was one of the biggest inspirations for me! http://www.sakana-comic.com/ since Mad talks a lot about her process with the comic it really helped make it feel less like some kinda magic that I didn’t know how to do and more like something I could try myself

RebelVampire

honestly i find this to be a difficult question. im old enough to remember when internet wasnt a thing. so when it became a thing, there were basically always webcomics. and it was just kind of like...a normal thing to be read on the internet just as much as anything else. i never saw it as a lesser medium as some ppl have experienced. it was just always there along with the internet so it always felt natural to me to read them if they seemed interesting. that being said, if i had to pick the first webcomic that ever made me stick around for a long time, it was Bleedman's Powerpuff Girls D fancomic. Besides the fact it was super popular at the time, i just thought it was really different. like the art popped a lot more than other comics at the time (that i knew of at least), the story was way less comedy more actually serious material, and just in general i enjoyed the story telling. https://www.snafu-comics.com/swmseries/powerpuffgirls/

Iris

homestuck was the biggest one for me, but others like Witchy, Lady of the Shard, and Tuppence for Stardust are also big inspirations

€heshire777

I kind of networked out from online newspaper comics into actual webcomics and beyond, it's kind of hard to tell but I think Skin Horse (http://skin-horse.com/) was pretty much the first webcomic I got into.(edited)

RebelVampire

cause a true hyperlink comes with the http part. http://skin-horse.com/

also please wrap the hyperlink in < and > so the embed is prevented. it keeps the chat cleaner @€heshire777(edited)

yes sorry XD

im multi tasking and didnt notice the wrong tag

€heshire777

S'fine

I know that guy from a different server too

RebelVampire

@Iris please make sure to link the comics next time https://www.homestuck.com/ http://witchycomic.com/ https://gigidigi.itch.io/lady https://tapas.io/series/tuppenceforstardust

Iris

oh crud, sorry. I'm tired and absent-minded this morning

Respheal

I'm a keenspace child apparently, 'cuz my first introductions to webcomics were Saturnalia (https://web.archive.org/web/20070705042710/http://www.spacecoyote.com/comics/sat/) and RPG World (http://rpgworld.keenspace.com/). Both are dead now, although RPG World has a sorta-creator-blessed fan revival (http://rpgworld.the-comic.org/) And then I sorta fell away from them for a bit, mostly, until a friend threw Mokepon (http://mokepon.smackjeeves.com/) and The Property of Hate (http://tpoh.smackjeeves.com/) at me and now I'm back xD

kayotics

I started reading webcomics back in the early 2000’s so I was consuming everything that was available, but I think the first one that actually made me think “I want my art to be like that” was The Meek https://www.meekcomic.com/ Up until that point I read mostly video game comics and they were funny but not inspiring me to make a comic. The Meek was gorgeous and interesting in a way that I hadn’t seen before.

varethane

A friend of mine made a webcomic in the early 2000s and I will not link it because it baaad, but that was my introduction to webcomics-- though when I started reading Terinu ( http://www.terinu.com/ ) and Lackadaisy Cats ( https://www.lackadaisycats.com/ ) was when I started wanting to make one of my own

The Meek and Gunnerkrigg Court were also early influences for me

oh, and hero! I loved this comic back in the day http://invisiblecities.comicgenesis.com/story.html

there were a handful of others that are no longer around, like Vampirates and Goodbye Chains and Astray3, all of which have vanished forever

Delphina

Acid Reflux (http://acidreflux.ficwad.com/) was the first webcomic I really got into back in 2000. The humor was a great blend of anime and light fantasy, which is definitely my happy place. The forum/IRC communities were big for the time too (and of course there was no social media back then outside of what people hosted themselves). When I started my own comic, one of my goals was to have a community like that.

varethane

yeah I totally used to hang out on the terinu forums and shared fanart and stuff XD

(and on my friends' forum which shall not be named)

Delphina

Yeah, standards were different back then XDDD

varethane

ohhhh yeahhh.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

The first webcomic I got into was Looking for Group https://www.lfg.co/. I'm a huge sucker for medieval settings, so my influences revolve around core fantasy, like Legend of Zelda and Lord of the Rings, but I also LOVE for my fantasy to not be taken as seriously with a good sense of humor, like LFG, Discworld, Dungeons and Dragons, and even The Adventure Zone. Seeing them create a graphic novel was sort of a catalyst for me deciding to make my own. I hope I do well for myself to contribute to the unique fantasy/comedy genre!(edited)

Brodnork

I actually started making webcomics before I knew they were a thing

When I was super young I made comic strips inspired by Calvin and Hobbes all the time

And when I got a deviantart account I started posting them

I think Calvin and Hobbes was a huge inspiration for my early work

Although I really started taking comics seriously when I started reading Cucumber Quest

https://cucumber.gigidigi.com/(edited)

Cucumber Quest

gigi

Calvin and Hobbes really inspired me to make comedy comics, and I loved the variety of backgrounds that were drawn in it

Cucumber Quest has lovely colours and a well written story, so I looked at pages from it a lot when I started teaching myself how to make colour palettes

magusferox

Anybody here read Kill Six Billion Demons? Epic stuff imo https://killsixbilliondemons.com/

€heshire777

Now I am

mika

i should make a tumblr page with all my favs

rae

for my old comic I put a bunch of my favs in the links section because I wanted more people to read them. XD

varethane

That's what I did too XD

though it's gotten a little bit out of date and I haven;t made a new one yet for my new comic

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

I keep my active reading list on ComicRocket these days (https://www.comic-rocket.com/users/SailorPtah/), and when they finish...or stop updating...I move them to the on-site reclist (http://www.bicatperson.com/links/references/finished-comics/).

Some of the oldest ones I remember reading are Venus Envy, Catball & Clown Girl, Boy Meets Boy, 1/0, Alternate Delusions, and girly. (So, also a Keenspace child, lol.) http://www.venusenvycomic.com/index.php http://catball.comicgenesis.com/ http://boymeetsboy.keenspot.com/ http://oneoverzero.comicgenesis.com/ http://altdelusions.comicgen.com/ http://girlyyy.com/

ShaRose49

The first webcomic I ever read was Michelle Phan’s Helios Femina, Just cause I was a fan of her makeup tutorials. I started reading it but stopped and then when I started making my own webcomics last year I got into it again, but the story turned out to be not my thing, but freaking gorgeous art. Then I got into Planet Ace, Shiori, and webtoons like UnOrdinary and Spaceboy, and The Villain. Just sooooo good brings back some great summer memories. http://planet-ace.smackjeeves.com/ https://m.webtoons.com/en/fantasy/helios-femina/list?title_no=638&webtoon-platform-redirect=true https://m.webtoons.com/en/challenge/the-villain/list?title_no=188266&page=1&webtoon-platform-redirect=true https://www.smackjeeves.com/comicprofile.php?id=143025 https://m.webtoons.com/en/fantasy/unordinary/list?title_no=679&page=1&webtoon-platform-redirect=true https://m.webtoons.com/en/drama/space-boy/list?title_no=400&page=1&webtoon-platform-redirect=true(edited)

RebelVampire

@ShaRose49 please wrap the links in < and > to prevent the embed

ShaRose49

Oh sorry!

Do you just stick the link in between <>?

€heshire777

yep

Make sure there's no space though

ShaRose49

Okeydokey!

I’ll definitely do that next time

ShaRose49

Oh can I edit?

I really don’t know discord that well

€heshire777

Hold click/press the message for options(edited)

RebelVampire

i think thats mobile only

on desktop you hit the three dots on the right

€heshire777

ah

ShaRose49

Fixed!

RebelVampire

thank you~!

ShaRose49

No prob thanks for helping me

€heshire777

sure

[tumblunni]

Also yeah while im on the subject

I really hate fantasy settings where magic is limited by biological sex. Because usually its used to enforce some sort of stupid gender stereotype that the writer believes is "biologically innate" rather than predjudice, by making up a world where it actually is biologically innate. Or its like "oh but women cant do those jobs" but again, a made up excuse for it to be LITERALLY TRUE. And usually they either dont even touch on the subject of trans and gay people (since it often conflates heterosexuality with gender...) or else it actually does bring it up and just creates a cavalcade of even more everything-ism...

Like i mean i love the game Jade Coccoon and considering it came out in the early 2000s i can understand it being more sexist, and its supossed to be a dark game anyway and a lot of the societal structures in Syrus Village are meant to be wrong and evil even if the characters act like its the way the world should be. The villain of the game is basically the toxic atmosphere of your shitty town and their paranoia of things they don't understand. Tho that means the player kinda has no motivation to finish it cos the main conflict is also saving those same villagers from dying and theyre all fucks. Anyway i'm going offtopic! What i mena is that i dont think it was a particularly sexist example of the inexplicable gender segregated magic trope. But just cos its a fave game of mine im gonna pick it to talk about anyway. Hope i dont sound too negative on it, cos seriously i love it loads!

Ok so to use Jade Cocoon as an example, here its a thing that only men can be cocoon masters and only women can be nagi. Tho it also gets a bit complicated because nagi is also an ethnicity as well? Its kinda like being romani, they're a race of displaced people who travel the world giving their magical services to other countries while searching for their lost homeland, which you end up finding at the end of the game. So yeah its extra weird cos male children of the nagi race are born with no powers whatsoever and cant even become cocoon masters, yet they get the ruling position in this homeland place? Like thats a better metaphor for how christian societies work, honestly!

Anyway im going offtopic again!

Basically, cocoon master = adventurer dude who catches monsters, nagi = magician who purifies those monsters so you can use them in battle. So when you catch stuff it becomes an inventory item rather than being able to use it on your team right away. And also nagi women can fuse monsters together to make super badass new ones and basically the gameplay system works really well to make you believe your wife is absolutely necessary to your quest and you would die without her, even if she cant fight. And honestly its actually kinda romantic! I just wish it wasnt presented as this weird sacred heterosexuality arranged marriage nonsense where all women are physically unable to go to a dungeon and all men are physically unable to not fight every day. Or at least thats how the powers work and if you try and step out of that role you fuckin die. Like it would be romantic to have a couple of a battle partner and a supporter magician if they actually chose it, yknow?

And whats annoying is that they actually do bring up the subject of people defying gender roles and canonically state that you not omly die but bring a curse upon everyone and are hated forever. They dont mention trans or gay people, instead the excuse is that a man loved his wife so much that he tried to learn nagi magic to lift the burden from her. Cos oh yeaj women get 'punished' by god for doing this magic?? Cursed tattoos all over their body the more they use it, and everyone hates them and eventually they turn into a fairy and forget they were ever human. And in the japanese version you can actually fight other nagi women who met this fate, theyre just another monster that you can fight and capture. They were censored in english cos they looked like really racist stereotypes of black women! Ugh! So yeah anyway nice straight husband is punished by the magic straightness enforcing rules of the universe for loving his straight wife too much. So what is the even point? If a man tries to use nagi magic it creates the "black cocoon" of cursed doomness and blah. Literal punishment for not conforming to gender. Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

Anyway this setting always made me wonder about all the stuff it just glosses over with this implication that every one of these relationships worked out fine. Like even before we rub lgbtq topics all over a retro videogame, there's a lot of logical holes! Like seriously how many of these arranged marriages ended up loveless or abusive? How many women just didnt want to stay confined to one room forever and not even have anyone look at them because their magic markings are shameful yet its also shameful not to want to do it?? How many men were terrified of going out on this advebture fighting literal demigods sent by heaven to punish humans? How many of them just had no ability to fight and died immediately because of shitty traditions, while perfectly qualified women had to sit there and watch it happen? What if there werent enough straight men and women of the same age and people were forced into gross pedophilic shit or other horror scenarios just cos there has to be this one magical straight couple or the village dies? Whenever theres this stupid gender magic its ALWAYS portrayed as idyllic and never failing ever, unless *gasp* people dont follow the gendrules...

And then SERIOUSLY do no queer people exist in this universe?? Man i'd be so interested in their stories! I actually had an oc idea of a self insert version of me as a travelling merchant. Because maybe what if nonbinary people could do both sides of the magic at once and thus adventure alone without being tied to a village's straight marriage system? So i'd just go around purifying monsters and then be a place you could buy new and rare mons from other villages without having to catch them. Maybe an easier way to get the super rare drop fusion materials for tiger pattern and stuff? And like seriously itd be good to have a character to talk to who agrees that your village is made of assholes. I cant say its bad writing cos it was clearly intentional, but they shoulda at least put a bit more incentive to keep playing even if you didnt care about these people. Also it would help plug the plothole of how a village even survives if it doesnt have the required people to form this magical straight marriage. Have some mysterious enby avengers who travel all across the world and save everyone regardless of country! All we ask is you buy some of our lovely souveniers! Maybe a pet patalchu for your family? Seripusly why dont they ever show anyone using the purified monsters for anything other than fighting the unpurified ones? You'd think they'd be really useful in repairing the village and guarding the walls and like..regular industrial jobs. Help the place actually advance and not have to live day to day on scraps,bickering amoungst themselves as the monsters grow ever closer to breaking through. Hell, you could even have them help spin the cocoons for other monsters! If this magic only depends on having a dick or not, then cant we just dress up some animals in the magic straight marriage outfits? XD

And like aaaa man im getting so emotional just imagining a trans woman who's constabtly told she will literally bring about the apocolypse if she tries to fill the female role in this ritual. And then one day she tries to spin the magic silk and she thinks she's committing the ultimate sin and they were all right. But the magic responds to her touch, and she makes a spell more beautiful than any other woman in the village! It would probably be harder for a trans man cos the magic doesnt have so much of an immediate proof like that. Just going out and winning a fight with a monster can be called "dumb luck", and knowing these assholes they'd probably keep calling it dumb luck even after the thousandth time you save their life!

And man, i wonder how gay relationships would work in such an annoyingly strict system of enforced heterosexuality? Would it be like the magic isnt REALLY gender locked at all, and it can just be any couple with either partner taking either role? Or would it be that it is one magic per gender but the bigoted villagers were wrong about it being impossible to do things without both? Like maybe when you're going into battle alone as a single cocoon master you cant fight without catching other monsters. But when two cocoon masters love each other their magic is amplified and they become able to like.. I dunno.. Imbue each other with elemental strength so they can fight the monsters hand to hand? Cos really the elemental system is the only reason you cant do a no monsters run of the game as it is. Maybe since they cant purify monsters but they can still catch them, they equip the monsters as sort of a power rangers transformation? Or socket them like materia on their weapons? Or just if the world was less segregated into tiny sexist racist villages they could simply buy the purification coccoons from another local nagi, and villages without a coccoon master could buy the services of travelling ones. Oh, and maybe two nagi lesbians could be even more badass! Cos if they can only purify and not fight, maybe their double purification is so strong that they can just straight up walk into the forest and monsters don't attack them. They dont even need to do the full spell, they can calm a beastie's rage just by holding out their hand and patting it on the head. So they coukd be infinately more effective and not have to just tenporarily clear single travelling routes of a few monsters, but actually work towards slowly purifying the entire forest and creating a peaceful land again. Tho i mean the game did have a unique atmosphere with the whole 'no hope of ever beating them' aspect. It was unique to see a society formed around the idea of never going into forests or you Die. But magical lesbians and their family of a million pet dragons is honestly better!

And uhhhh ive gone all offtopic now and i camt stop thinking about how much i love magical lesbians with a million pet dragons

The End

[crimsonsalutations]

shoutout to everyone who followed me expecting reblogs and got Daniel’s 24/7 R76 Talkshow

niceteeth-nastysmile  replied to your post “WHILE i’m mad here’s another hot take: i hate hate HATE how the r76...”

My biggest peeve with the fandom behind this ship is the massively dense amount of people that oversimplify both of these characters, strip them down to basic cookie-cutter yaoi boys and completely disregard what makes them interesting. They're old vets with (likely severe) PTSD, vigilante complexes, life altering physical trauma (including the super soldier program) -- dude I could write an essay. The dynamic is awesome but everyone ignores ittt

yeah, I have problems with this too, like, they have one of the most unique relationships in the whole game and people waltz into the ship and create content that feels like it’s not even r76. and i mean. i cant really fault people for wanting their weird porn; you see that in all fandoms, all communities as a matter of fact, and if someone wants to write porn of the 2 hot dudes they saw in passing in ovw fanart that they know nothing about... well I’m not going to try and stop them, but I can and will laugh at their characterization, lmao.

but even so, there’s some people who are like... dedicated to the characters to an astounding degree and yet they insist on writing them so weirdly. i think one of my main problems with r76 fic, to say it in the fewst words possible, is people write them too nice. the ‘sad dads’ thing is cute and all, but i think people take it too far sometimes. they’re 50+ year old war vets, war machines, who are tired and violent and angry and pissed at the world that ate them up and spat them out when they outlived their usefulness and people...... write them as cute dads. I mean. I wont tell them no. but. it feels like a disservice to their characters.

(plus people who hate angst and love r76. it’s weird. like walking into a knife museum and saying you hate knives. why are you here if you hate knives???)

pcturtl replied to your post:

“WHILE i’m mad here’s another hot take: i hate hate HATE how the r76...”

A comparison we can safely make is Gabe tends to be a logic driven planner, while Jack tends to act more on instinct (with Overwatch/Ana/Gabe being 80% of his impulse control). Something so many people give Jack guff for is that he *hesitated* to save the girl, but given the choice, Gabe probably would have prioritized the objective. Disagree about the intentionally nonlethal ult though since it's limited to body shots. He probably wouldn't care if it killed them or not.

yeah, that is one of the few assumptions we can make, though the intricacies of that dynamic (ie. how it changed over the years, to what extent jack/gabriel are impulsive/tactical, etc) aren’t so clear, but I mean nothing is clear in this fuckin lore.

and YES that was actually what I saw that made me mad in the first place. Someone was saying 76 kills all over the place and reaper only shoots at those who shoot first (which is. wrong?? hes an assassin? do people know what an assassin does?). and it was so wildly wrong i got mad. lol.

And yeah, Gabe is tactical to an extreme degree. I’m quoting off the top of my head here, but in-game, his kill line for every non-overwatch player is ‘that was a tactical error’ which i think speaks volumes. Hana. Lucio. Fareeha == tactical errors in his head. doesn’t even refer to them as people. (and i think jack has a similar line but it isnt used in the same context? I’d have to check.)

He’s very tactical & very apathetic towards the world, I mean the only things I can say for sure that he cares/cared about are jack, ana, and blackwatch,and maybe jesse. honestly cant say if he ever gave a shit about overwatch, and my guess leans towards he didn’t. 

working somewhere for 30 years doesn’t mean you care about it as an organization, you know? the same goes for talon: we have 0 proof he cares about talon either. 

people try to use the bit in infiltration where he doesnt shoot That Dumbass who knocked himself out as proof of his goodness (whatever that means exactly) and its like... That Dumbass put himself out of the equation. why waste a shell on him if he wasnt interfering with the mission any more? reaper isnt excessively violent, as much as he cackles about death and whatever, and it seems like if something doesnt directly benefit him or benefit something he cares about, he doesnt care whether that thing or person lives or not. (like overwatch, like that guy who knocked himself out, like the recall agents. he just doesnt care)

re:  the jack ult, correct me if im wrong but i dont think that just because an ult works a certain way in-game doesnt mean it works that exact way in the cinematics. like genji cant actually deflect hanzo’s ult with his own ult the way he does in dragons. 

and i think that’s less jack caring about the ~*sanctity of life~* or giving a personal rat’s ass about los muertos jackasses, and more of an instinctual thing for him. like in the beginning of hero, when the one guy calls ‘come out and fight perro’ jack couldve easily shot all 3 of those guys and called it a day from his hiding spot. it’d be easier and faster and less of a risk for him. but instead he comes charging out, gun under one arm, and punches one of them in the face.

but at the same time we also saw him kill at least the guy with the minigun, and probably a couple others. off the top of my head, i think only half of them walked  drove away from that confrontation alive. if jack can get out of a situation without killing i think he would, but i also think he wouldnt hesitate to kill if it came to that. especially when it comes to ‘bad guys’ like los muertos

i think i’ve mentioned this before, but gabe’s and jack’s respective fighting styles can be summed up with ‘gabe=shooty shooty die’ and ‘jack= smacky smacky concussion’ with exceptions, of course

[crookedspoonfic]

hi! i know the person that sent the ask about gay boys having platonic relationships ; they're just upset that people cant let gansey and ronan just be friends. also it had nothing to do? with poly shipping so the one reply makes no sense. anyway they were just upset as a gay person who feels like everyone has to romanticize or sexualize their relationships especially because of the way you worded it. "you keep telling yourself that" pt 1

pt 2. there just.... isnt enough of queer boys having strong relationships with other boys, you know?? it wasnt meant to make you feel bad!! but like ... just,,, maybe dont word things in a way that makes it sound like any other opinion is wrong. hats how "keep telling yourself that" sounds. and ronan having a strong, deep platonic relationship with a boy is really important. anyway thanks!! have a great day. good luck with ur stuff ! ! ! also it was a rhetorical ?

*sigh* Look, mate. I wasn’t going to reply to this, because I’m just tired and I don’t wanna start a discussion, but unfortunately there are several things I take issue with and I’m too depressed to sleep anyway.

First of all, I get your frustration, I really do, and it’s not my intention to belittle that feeling. In fact, I share that frustration. I’d welcome a lot less romantic/sexual bullshit in the media I consume. However, you and me, we’re operating in fandom spaces, and I get a little crabby when people are telling me what I’m allowed or not allowed to ship. So.

If it’s a rhetorical question, why pose it to me directly, out of the blue, with no preamble whatsoever? Why not just reblog the offending post and add your two cents? Then at least people would have had the chance to see your point of view. They are not going to see it if you leave your frustration in my inbox, I can tell you that much.

You are reacting to months-old shitpost that was only ever intended to be seen by a handful of followers who know a shitpost when they see one. I mean, I’m quoting tvtropes, for Christ’s sakes, how serious could I have been?

It sounds like you assume that just because I choose to interpret the way Stief writes the relationship between Ronan and Gansey as more than platonic that I generally can’t let platonic relationships stand. Or something. Or other. Fact is: one does not preclude the other. I’m super fine with Ronan and Gansey just being friends. That’s canon. It’s swell. But I can also enjoy the two of them having feelings for each other. That is what fandom is for.

You’re basically telling me I’m not allowed to ship Ronan/Gansey because it offends you. Here’s a post on that. In short: don’t tell other people how to experience fandom, no matter how much you hate certain parts of it. It only spreads negativity. Talk to your friends about your frustration or your triggers in private.

You’re invading my space, unprovoked, and provide no context whatsoever as to what has your panties in a twist. Some people come to tumblr to unwind and connect with friends, not to have shipping wars. Just because I allow anon asks does not make this any less a breach of etiquette in my book. You wouldn’t like a stranger to interrupt the talk you were having with a friend on the bus either, would you?

As I said, I don’t want this to turn into a discussion, because I don’t have the mental capacity to be dealing with this on top of everything else, so I’m locking my askbox down. I can only hope you’re going to reflect on your behaviour and try to change it in the future. Dealing with your frustration on your own without bothering your fellow fandom people about it is a sign of maturity. Why not let it fuel you to create the content you want to see intead? That would be at least put it to good use.

And lastly: I am not your enemy. I am not opposed to your wish to see more platonic representation. I am opposed to you getting in my face about it, claiming that I am.

[deeeknows]

Wowwwwo im honored and excited for you to read this blog. This one was hard for me to write so dont hate me if it is less easy to understand. Id love to discuss anything you guys hate/love in the comments. See you on the other side.

June 28

today was a big day for me as i was looking forward to taking my math assessment all day. i should have studied but hindsight is 20/20. what i will note is my trip with Uesin. he selflessly gave up his afternoon to drive me to my house, to get food, and then to lanham. What i appreciate about him is how thoughtful all of his actions are. not even just the ones that place me on the receiving end but rather how he places purpose in every decision he makes. i want my relationship with God to mirror how his looks in these ways one day. but after we the assessment i drive back and there is a group meeting centered around Vaughn and he was telling us about his relocation story. a very humbling experience but it seems like God does that to many people that being give them a task they cannot complete on their own. Important Part There is no way for me to claim i trust God with my life and then not my child’s life. so when i feel called to move into the city and education for my child comes up i dont think I want the best for my children. i want what God has for my family and i trust that following his will we do the rest. secondly i learned there is no way to do this alone. no matter how much i tell myself i hate people and want to be alone community is neeeeeeded for relocation. not only will God get you plugged into the city but he will plant you in community with folks with the same mission as you. your church should represent where you live and the values of Christ. make the sacrifices needed to do Gods work if youre going to go there you might as well all the way do it. Important Part people call tell when youre just moving in as compared to bringing Jesus into their Community.

June 29

without much change in my day to day this week i was eager to see where my life would be challenged. my first adventure came when i went further out of the city with Megan and Lestle to the bank. our walk confused me slightly because of what i anticipated to be true about the city was just not lining up to be true at all. everyone thinks the city is the worst part of baltimore but Important Part i am starting to believe i have reason to believe that the people who live outside the city before they are in the county technically that have the most strenuous places. ostracized from the county because they arent good enough and without the “resources” of the city. its a hard life out here. fastforward to dinner time im walking to hiphop chicken and a woman starts screaming to me if i want to buy any movies. its in my nature to stop and talk because i just cant pretend like i cant hear someone speaking directly to me or keep walking when someone is trying to get my attention. so tell her i dont have any interest in any DVDs or console games or perfume but that also wasnt good enough for her. so she crosses the street to better communicate her need for a dollar just have something to drink. the thing that was catching me was we were on our way to eat dinner and i had already decided i wasnt going to spend my money because i wasnt to hungry. so i told her i didn’t have any singles but she can have and i assured her that if i did she would be in luck. shortly after i ended up giving her the 5 to her surprise and she starts crying. i ask her name and then she tells me and i say i will be praying for her but my family group was standing a ways off and were waiting for me to go to dinner. as i tried to walk away she reaches out for me and asks for me to pray for her now. by the time im finished she is in full blown tears and i just gotta go because i cant be out here crying in these streets. i tell this story because i think for me and her it was more than about the mere 5. Important Part while the 5 would get her something to drink it wasnt going to meet all of her needs and we both knew that. the immediacy she wanted her interaction with her Savior right then. and it just teaches me not walk past anyone again because besides “costing me” 5 dollars which was only mine for all of 5 minutes i was able to be with her in her interaction which i believe she will remember way longer than she will remember the 5 i dont even remember what it looked like.

June 30

Who am I. Question I’ve found in all of my conversations since Sunday. Looking for ways I could define myself without telling people what I’m not. Today’s thought provoking comments came by the brilliant minds of Feitian and Lestle. After I was taking notes on my Asian culture 101 class I started to realize my questions weren’t specific to myself and that many other people groups go through the very same things I do. Seeking to find ones self. Feitian communicated to me the exact thing that I knew I couldn’t have been the only other person thinking. That people don’t want to know you, they’d rather skip all the time it would take to get to know each person and use what they have gathered previously through most times skewed lens to contextualize you. Important Part Who you are and who you aren’t are two different people trapped in one body. And most times we are stuck in between looking for someone else to shine some light on us to help determine where our strengths and almost-strengths lie. But I didn’t come to this until the 3 of us went around and spoke about how we were having such immense difficulty communicating who we were to the next person or how hard it was without describing what we weren’t. I believe we live in our pursuit for purpose in our lives and we start with figuring out who we are and what we like. Most times we never make it to the second part without placing our identity in Christ. Important Part It sounds super corny but I have been thinking all week and those are the only concrete things I can describe myself with that others cannot change the definitions to. Who knows. Maybe one day I won’t be afraid of someone knowing me better than I do. But I can’t call it as of yet.

July 1

Writing this a day after wasn’t my smartest idea yet. But we didn’t do as much. It was comprised of a seminar on racial reconciliation. while this seems like a super broad topic and it is. the main parts of what we were doing were focused around a couple steps that really broke down the process into knowing who you are racially and ethnically and what that means for our society and how can we knowing our differences work to create heaven on earth. this whole seminar was a challenge as to what i thought heaven was going to look like. i can see now what a real working definition of unity looks like. unity is fully realized in diversity. as a puzzle works there are many many pieces and they are all shaped through cultures and experiences they have been in. Important Part we needed more than 1 uniqueshape to complete the image of God and thats what unity is about. accepting people who are different from you and working with them because we all together reflect God

After the seminar we went on a trip to the National Blacks in Wax museum. While it was a learning experience i would have enjoyed maybe another hour or 7 to properly pace myself to get to really digest the museum. The worst part about this whole thing for me is in the idea that many of the atrocious acts that were used to oppress black people in the past were not only “based” out of christian beliefs but also done by christian people. So to think about reconciliation for me is to attach myself to an agent that was used to divide people in the past didnt sound appealing at all. Important Part But i realize i serve a God that is big enough to take what some people manipulated to hurt and dehumanize my people and redeem not only what was taken but Christ’s name. This is so important to me because the more broken the more we can see God’s grace cover many times over.

July 2

as practicing sabbath becomes more and more a thing im getting used to im thankful for the time im putting aside to be alone. lol and be with

God. i went over to the Zubeks home and there i met so many new friends. these people im starting to see work together to get your will done and i say the way teamwork looks. vision casting and group work does more and helps to create a community that is dependent on each other. every part of me hates being dependent on someone else but im trying my best to do more than just isolate myself and grow to work with people towards a common goal. but today i went to worship at a mass. it was so new and short i didnt even realize it was over when it was. a different pace but not something i dont think id do long team. i dont see enough variability for myself. i like the experience. id want to get to understand why they do all of what they do for their practices.

July 3

monday was a day that we began to get back into everything with brother Jeff. as a starter we spent about 30 minutes in prayer interceding on behalf of the kids who were just coming back from camp, playing in the league, and the coaches. This is so valuable to me because of what the kids experienced while they were at summers best 2 weeks. This christian camp was a structure and environment that many different kids have in. Brother Jeff took these 7 kids and they all took MAJOR steps in their walk with Christ. And this is great to see but everyone isnt going to be at the best 2 weeks forever and the situations these kids are coming back to isnt one that would accidentally foster them to continue to grow. Important Part Which is why we were fighting in prayer for these kids to meet us halfway so we can continue to pour into them while they are around. becoming an intercessor is exciting me more and more because im becoming like my momma and i see the importance and value of what she does so well. pray for others. i might have to get me one of those closets that dont have a door since i feel like id get locked in and die. but thats besides the point. we then went shopping for the 4th and the weekend for him before coming back home and doing more admin things. then my favorite part of it all. spending time with the youth came. we took timmy*** to the park to hoop for quite some time. seeing and getting these kids to be themselves and slowly begin to look up to myself and lestle and begin to ASK us questions just shows how willing and eager they are to learn. cant wait for more times.

July 4

Writing this blog now I’m still experiencing the 4th in the city and so the nonstop fireworks kept me awake enough to write this entry. To begin my 4th I went to brother Jeffs home and had a cookout with the kids and some of his closest mentees. Over a couple games of uno, burgers, and corn we discussed among many other things honor. While it might seem like a little thing to you guys honor for these kids is VERY VERY important. As I believe it should be for everyone but in biased. Honor and respect is given to those who earn it and something you would never give up on your own accord without a fight. While I know this to be true in my life it didn’t settle in how serious this was until asked point blank where put in a situation you had to Choose walking away with your life or dying with your pride that some would choose to die. Not only did this seem almost ludicrous to me but it wasn’t until shortly after that “death before dishonor” really held any weight. Not only were these kids being put in these situations but they were being forced to make these decisions and would rather die and be known as a real one that held to their values than to flake even when your life is on the line. I love it when someone teaches me something new about myself and this was definitely a time i could realize who i was and where i could grow, Because just putting it in my Blog doesnt mean id be willing to give up my life for anything. Important Part These soldiers would be rocking it in the army of God but until we can get them to stand on the solid rock of Jesus things prolly not gon stay too bright.

My second part of my day I want to compare firework experiences. While they aren’t entertaining to me I enjoy seeing others amused by them. To start off we went to the Zubek Home to watch then after our crab feast. People start to filter onto the roof of their rowhome in SOWEBO and lean up pretty much with their significant others. As people all around the city shoot of their fireworks the thing that stuck out most to me in this situation was how people were celebrating. The laid back privileged group of christians versus the constant street show that we watched for close to an hour as they blocked off stricker less than 50 meters from our home opens my eyes to so many things and actually visible comfort zones. Important Part I want to remember to that the people in Baltimore are not here to put on a show for me on my rooftop but rather that im challenged to learn, experience, and love on the people to try and better understand them. Connections work wonders as we watched and listened to the fireworks go off from 9-2 am non stop.

While this blog was harder for me to write i think there were less Important Parts as well and i dont want yah to hate me for it. Hopefully the ones ive pointed out in this last week add help with anything you might have experienced once upon a time. My last impressions would be to find 3 things you can tell me about yourself without telling me who you arent. My challenge would be to try a vegetarian lifestyle for a week. And my question would be where would you put yourself on the death before dishonor scale?

[vitalmindandbody]

Ellen von Unwerth:’ Let’s photograph girlfriends experiencing life’

Blending old-world charm with a uniquely provocative eroticism, Ellen von Unwerths photographs are a riot of merriment and sly subversion. Richard Godwin sounds why it is also necessary take ourselves less seriously

Ellen von Unwerth cant stop laughter. The German photographer, 63, is ricochetting around the Taschen gallery in West Hollywood in her sneakers, attempting to talk through the epitomes from her latest exhibition and skill work, Heimat .

So heimat entails Fatherland or Motherland or where you were born and where your springs are, she tells me. Bavaria is not my heimat , but we wanted to make a parody of the whole Bavarian thing.

The whole Bavarian thought, apparently, implies supermodels frolicking nude in Alpine fields, performing suggestive deeds with sausages, udders and holy innocents, sledging topless, spanking one another in dirndls and generally experiencing the fecundity and strength for which the southern German slopes are celebrated. Oh, ja , its exceedingly sexual there, even the clothes they push up the bosoms and there are lots and lots of sausages, ha ha ha, she justifies. But you assure so many images that are dark and depressing at the moment. All these happy maidens being pathetic! So I figured, tells show girls having fun and enjoying life.

The new Bardot: Claudia Schiffer in Italy, 1989. Picture: Ellen von Unwerth

Von Unwerth has a strange expertise for getting famous and beautiful girls( Claudia Schiffer, Madonna, Naomi Campbell, Rihanna, Kate Moss) to remove their inhibitions and regularly their underwear while retaining dominate. Her personas are often provocatively sexual, but its frequently her themes who are doing the cause. I always give them something to do, she commends. When somebodys not moving I get bored. I take two photos and I enunciate: Great, I have it now. But I adoration their own bodies in gesture. I like the nude figure in movement.

The fashion world adores her for this. You could tell from the raucous launch party for Heimat , where Arnold Schwarzenegger improbably scratched shoulders with Yolandi Visser, and most of the patterns from the film intention up leap in a swimming pool. Von Unwerths Instagram feed is among the few that oblige manner weeks actually appear fun. On International Womens Day, the fashiony recess of Instagram were awash with honours to her: You raise fun, sexy, craziness to set. I ever enjoy pushing my frontiers, embracing my femininity/ sexuality and of course my personality always raucous and proud when we work together, wrote one model, Alexina Graham. Ellen von Unwerths playful and empowering photos are such a glee to be a part of and I am so happy she is there to represent women around such a male predominated professing! wrote another, Syrie Moskowitz.

I ever give the models something to do: Ellen von Unwerth. Picture: Steffen Kugler

It is clear that everyone had a whole lot of giggles in Bavaria. Von Unwerth motions towards an image of three women topless on a sled: This prototype is Miss Russia and she created a pile of vodka to the hit. So the latter are drinking behind my back in the snowfall. Von Unwerth is not much paid attention to analysing. When I allude to the male gaze she has no idea what Im talking about. When I find myself grasping for the word pornography she hit back: Have you ever seen a porno? Well, one of your situations does literally depict two parties having fornication in a hayloft. Its more inspired by a B-movie sense of camp. I wouldnt speak porno.( After our interrogation, one of her aides announces me is responsible for ensuring that I dont think its prurient .)

Of course, the word I should have reached for was erotic. Or perhaps simply German. Seem at the gossip there was with Janet Jackson over here, she remarks referring to the Super Bowl nipple decline of 2004. It was a boob! Its something you should be proud of and not disguise. Specially if its nice. Ha ha ha ha! In Germany it is not like this. Even if you go to a common in Berlin in the summer, everybody is naked and playing frisbee. You would get arrested if you did that in LA.

Leg push: Bumpy Slide, from Heimat. Photograph: Ellen von Unwerth

Von Unwerth was assume in Frankfurt in 1954 and grown up in an orphanage and a succession of foster homes. She has no recollection of her parents and not much inclination to reflect on their absence. Its what made my life, she suggests. I was free from influence and I was able to take the best from everywhere. I dont really have a heimat . So her heimat is wherever she happens to be? Exactly.

She moved to Bavaria aged 16 to assemble a commune and later went to study in Munich. On her first day at university someone did: Hey, would you like to do a simulating errand? And I turned around and never went back to university. That led to a shoot for the German periodical Bravo , which in turn led to her being signed by Elite prototypes in Paris. I kind of hated modelling, but somehow I did it for 10 times. I was not really the exhibitionist form. Its hard psychologically to be a model. And mostly people told me not to move when I was constituting. I just wanted to be like the girls in my paintings now.

Your Turn,( Rihanna ), 2009. Image: Ellen von Unwerth

It was only in 1986 that she firstly started taking image herself a boyfriend lent her his camera on a fashion make in Kenya and she went into a nearby village to hit local infants. I came back home and demo them to your best friend and they were like: Theyre really good, Ellen! Because models are supposed to be stupid. I was astounded myself because I wasnt very interested in photography. I had never learnt how to do it.

Her images were published in the French magazine Jill , and she went on to shoot for i-D , the Face , Interview and Vogue , in the vein of her greatest force Helmut Newton. It was a kill with the then unknown Claudia Schiffer for French Elle in 1988 that realized both of their jobs. She was a sweetened girl and I didnt think so much of it, but when I looked at the pictures, I announced my husband[ music producer Christian Fourteau] and pronounced: Doesnt she look like Brigitte Bardot? The teeth, the eyes? Soon after we did the Guess jean campaign and it was a jumpstart to my busines. She likewise detected Eva Herzigov( shes oozing with verve) and Nadja Auermann, and shot the infamous 1995 Playboy shoot that was indicated that Drew Barrymore was no longer the girl from ET . She has remained in demand although there are the smartphone period has debased the art.

Saddle up: On the high horse, 2015. Photo: Ellen von Unwerth

Its not special any more to be a photographer, she supposes. Even when I take a depict, everybody stands next to me and takes the same slide. Five a few minutes later its on everyone elses Instagram and Im old-fashioned bulletin so Im was necessary to take word-paintings on my iPhone too.

She tells me she can usually tell the difference between a photograph a follower has taken and one a woman has taken. But I find it crazy how ladies photograph themselves all the time. When I was a girl and ogled in the reflect, my stepmother would come in and give me a smacking. There was this idea that if you did that, the devil would get in you and plagiarize your personality. Now everyone does this. I question simulates sometimes, Do you have to take so many selfies? And “theyre saying”: Only when I take selfies do I get likes. Its sad! Narcissism is so celebrated in our society, sometimes parties lose interest in other people.

Heimat by Ellen von Unwerth, rate 650, issued by Taschen as a collectors copy of 1,500 prints, each numbered and signed by the photographer. For more information, go to taschen.com

Read more: www.theguardian.com

The post Ellen von Unwerth:’ Let’s photograph girlfriends experiencing life’ appeared first on vitalmindandbody.com.

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[tumblunni]

also the final dungeon sucked and am i like the only one who hated the whole twist entirely? literally the only good bit was that mr never before foreshadowed trash hype killer villain god disguised himself as igor that was a good twist if it was anyone else, if it was a random npc like with p4′s deity final boss, then it would have had no redeeming qualities seriously it was SO THEMATICALLY BAD seriously shido is SUCH a climax boss and you have actual reasons to hate him and an actual grudge and it feels good to kick his ass! even if his boss design is stupid looking! yaldabaoth is just... nobody he’s an abstract representation of the theme of the whole plot, which already got answered it was SO DUMB to just have out of nowhere everyone learns the same lesson again in a giant literal metaphor way dude we ALREADY answered the questions about ‘whether humanity prefers to be obedient and enslaved rather than make their own choices’ and it was so artificial that public opinion of the phantom thieves suddenly tanks to 0 after they save the day?? if everyone forgot about us cos of evil godman brainwashing then HOW IS THIS A LESSON THATS BEING LEARNED. They just had to love us EVEN MORE so they were able to break the rbainwashing! like seriously it was just like.. you wanted some excuse to have everyone cheer on the phantom thieves as they watch the battle why not just have all that happen WITH SHIDO I mean he’s said to have stolen a bunch of metaverse research and know all about it it would make him much more of a threat if he did more with that say that HE is the one using mementos to brainwash the public have the phantom theieves fade from existance cos of that ‘kill myself to collapse my own palace’ plot shido did have it like.. it looks like eveyrone got out fast enough, theyre right at the entrance to the real world, but its just too late everyone fades away seeing the real world in the distance and screaming for anyone to grab their hand, but nobody sees them same effect same scene, just with shido and without three more hours of repetitive plot and a terrible TERRIBLE final dungeon! you could even still have the whole thing of the velvet room attendants fighting back against igor and saving you and then you go back and do the final fight just have it like.. igor was actually good and it was all a test, he faked betraying you. cos this is your final test- standing up to the ultimate authority figure. and he congratulates you for overcoming his challenge, and like.. reveal that the entire prison warden thing was a test for justine and caroline. they were the ones being rehibilitated. like, a test to gain free will that he always does for each new attendant. OR just have the same plot of evil igor imposter and stuff, but we dont need to have it happen after shido’s plot and lead to just goddamn repetition of p4 izanami withoutr any of the characetr development. Seriously he doesnt even get any moral ambiguity or anything! He’s just evil! He doesnt even really believe he’s doing what humanity wants! And him acting as your helper for fuckin 90 HOURS wasnt like a sign of character complexity or anyting, it as just a lie! Think of how much more interesting it could have been if yaldabaoth had a plot like ryoji, like he’s the human form of a god created to destroy everything but he ended up developing genuine affection for the protagonists and regretting the role he must inevitably play. That would have been repetitive but the plot we got is repetitive anyway!! and like seriously just SOMETHING SOMETHING somehow make him working with shido! remove the ENTIRE FINAL DUNGEON. It was padding in a game that was SO RUSHED aside from this damn moment! take that screentime and flesh out haru’s screentime more! DAMN YOOOOOOU have shido being a super mastermind who’s working with this evil god have shido be a wild card, even?? or have him as someone who’s like.. his pride and jealousy caused him to make a pact with this evil god in order to gain like.. fake wild card powers. He’s not able to actually use the metaverse on his own, he’s relied on manipulating his trash son,  and now he’s without even that option he gets so desperate he WILL NOT ACCEPT his loss and goes all super saiyan by fusing with yaldabaoth. Yaldabaoth’s lack of personality doesnt really matter here, because he’s being a plot element instead of a final boss all on his lonesome. He could even be more sympathetic, cos all we see of him is as a mcguffin holy grail acting as the warden to everyone who GENUINELY wishes for imprisonment rather than free will. We dont get to hear his voice, we dont get to see him brainwashing people who clearly didnt make that choice, just to repeat an already-answered question about whether humanity as a whole would make that choice. Its just ‘hey here’s a mcguffin that exists because of the suicidal wishes of humans, and shido has stolen it and is using it to power up, holy shit’. And all we know about yaldabaoth is that he/they/it wants to grant wishes, and has no morality to determine which are good or bad. Not that its a fuckhead with dreams of granduer who wants to trick everybody into wishes they didnt ask for, and has NO PERSONALITY instead of being izanami WITHOUT PERSONALITY and just... GAHHH So yeah like BLINDSIDED, SLAP IN THE FACE, we thought we defeated shido, we were trying to grab the holy grail but WHOOPS HE’S BACK AND HE GRABBED IT. Like, after the whole climactic ‘shido is collapsing his own palace’ scene, when everyone leaves the velvet room they’re just at the site of that locked door, skipping the whole shitty dungeon. And then we see the holy grail right there and we get the exposition about it right there, and how it could reverse all of shido’s bullshit at the cost of ending the metaverse, blah. No need for a boring month of being unable to do anything but see cutscene after cutscene of BUT WE DEFEATED SHIDO BUT NOTHING IS HAPPENING. And then like.. SURPRISE! Shido isnt really dead! we accidentally led him right to this mcguffin that he can now use to become SuperFinalBossmanRematchMode. And this is where we get the exposition of how he didnt really die, it was a fake death pill. OR, if we wanna get EVEN MORE climactic goodness, maybe shido DID die from that, and now like.. his soul is trapped in the cognitive world forever as this horrifying shadow fusion thing and he’s still whining about how its your fault and taking no responsibility for his actions. So SUPER SMACKDOWN TO FINALLY END IT ONCE AND FOR ALL! And its still high stakes cos its all ‘holy shit it should be impossible for him to still exist’ and ‘holy shit he fuckin ate a god’. And like, if yaldabaoth got fuckin bitchslapped before he could even be a presence in the plot. ‘Yeah hey i was pretending to be igor- ARRGH HOLY SHIT SHIDO NO’ Mr actual climatic boss reclaims his throne, rather literally. Makes him more imposing than he is when he’s really just another palace ruler and you never even confront the real world shido or anything. I mean you kinda already beat his plans when you removed his only minion who could access the metaverse, you just do the rest of the palace to collapse his career too... and then like fuckin.. somehow have the same thing where the metaverse and real world start blending. But it’d even have a better explanation than just Yaldabaoth Can Do That, I Guess, And He Didn’t Do It Until Right Now Because Reasons. You could say its like a consequence of the metaverse revolting at shido’s running away from death. Say his willpower is so strong that he can fuckin fuck up reality with it! His ego is THAT big! And then hoodly boo, same thing with everyone cheering you on so you summon satan and save christmas. But the final boss could look less stupid than a fuckin faceless art studio model made of chrome that pulls a gun out of its butt. Or I mean it could look even more stupid, it could just ahve shido’s shit face pasted on top XD But shido’s already proven that he can give a climactic boss fight even while looking like a dumbass wearing too many ShakeWeights(tm)! OR ORRRRRR Instant fix that could LITERALLY make the whole thing better without changing any dialogue except one namebox. Just say Yaldabaoth is someone else. Just give him the name of a fan favourite villain from early persona *COUGH NYARTHALOTEP COUGH* It would fit better with the YEAHHHHH BOYYY factor of his big twist of being fake igor, it would keep that hype going instead of murdering it with a personalityless villain and eight floors of just stairs and light puzzles. EVEN BETTER if they actually did go far enough to make it a proper nyarly cameo and give him a design as cool as his old ones. Like seriously the thing of being twisted representations of everyone’s parents would work SO WELL here thematically! it could be a rgeat moment to FINALLY see and hear more about protagonist’s parents! And like half the party has issues with family that we already saw in the other palaces, so it could be a great fake boss rush style memory lane of all those guys. instead of just pulling guns out his butt that cast all the same status effects. It could be ESPECIALLY good for GIVING POOR HARU MORE SCREENTIME AND DEVELOPMENT. Seriously, just imagine how fucked up it would be to see a twisted fake dad doll attatched to some fucker’s tentacle face, all these months after he died? it was a good idea to at least mention how he was the only palace owner who died, but it was a shame it meant he was also the only one who didnt get to cameo here and give the corresponding party member some more dialogue and developments. Especially cos Haru is fuckin awesome against bosses! HARU 4 EVARRRR But seriously even if everything was exactly the same and they just made one small reference to some character we already know something about, at least it would give us some frame of reference for yaldabaoth’s actual goddamn motives. who in the FUCK thinks its a good idea to tape on an extra 10 hours after the climactic boss to give us Nobody Mc Grail who Does Bad Cos He Want To. Srsly its like if P4 ended with ameno-sagiri and didnt even have all that izanami stuff and moral ambiguity and seriously i am gaining SO MUCH appreciation for how they managed to make a sudden unforeshadowed boss have AN ACTUAL SOUL. And she related to the themes of the story without being repetitive!  Still not as good as nyx/ryoji in my opinion, but it wasnt just ‘we are contractually obliged to throw in 1 (one) Evil God (tm) at the last second, because its a persona game’ the final scene was good, the everything else wasnt 100 Yes to Satan Saving Christmas Thank God for Giant Bullet Blow His Face Off but not THIS PARICULAR GOD because he is a detestable flaw in a game that I loved very much! at least he got fuckin sploded and got a good ‘im fucked’ face without even having a face. Seriously that brief REACTION SHOT was sooooo fuckin cathartic! his ONLY PERSONALITY he ever got was being a smug asshole who thinks he’s the best final boss ever, and we got an actual moment of ‘ha ha ha ha i win i win, i- OHHOTDIGGITYJESUSCHRIST’ *splat* thanks satan now can we seriously have no more evil gods ever, they have officially outlived their welcome can satan just shoot all of them in the head before they even get to be in the story ilu satan (also im curious now to do more research on ‘satanael’ and see what the difference even is about this form? is it just a different aspect of the christian devil like how satan and lucifer are also available in this game? or is satanael actually just a different mythological figure and the whole ‘satan saves christmas’ meme is just cos they sound similar?)

[adambstingus]

Raw director Julia Ducournau on how to make a horror film as creepy as possible

The brains behind the French cannibal film that overwhelmed Toronto audiences shares her tricks for creating menacing, hair-raising body horror

Julia Ducournaus debut feature film, Raw, made headlines at Toronto last year when a couple of horrified audience members fainted in the cinema and an ambulance had to be called. All publicity is good publicity, but the director wasnt thrilled.

For me, its really something that I could have done without, Ducournau said in January in Paris, to tells a room full of press. Her film which opened this week in Australia had just screened; none of us fainted. I saw it snowball on the internet for a week afterwards, and theres pretty much nothing you can do about that. At one point people were talking about a movie that is not mine … My movies not a shocker, its not a blood fest; its more than that.

Ducournaus cannibal horror film is as much body horror as it is black comedy and coming-of-age drama, and it uses the cinematic grammar of all three. Naive teen Justine (Garance Marillier) heads off to join her sister Alexia (Ella Rumpf) at veterinary college. As part of a brutal hazing, she is forced to eat a rabbit kidney and thats when the cravings take hold.

The film is troubling, riveting, claustrophobic and darkly hilarious. The Guardians Peter Bradshaw was among many critics who praised it: What is very impressive about Raw is that absolutely everything about it is disquieting, not just the obvious moments of revulsion: there is no let up in the ambient background buzz of fear, he wrote.

At the Paris press event, Ducournau examined a few of the techniques that had got her there.

I asked them to watch horror movies and drink beer

It should come as no surprise that a coming-of-age film about cannibalism, in which the protagonist is a virgin vegetarian woman, should be so much about flesh: the hating of it, the coveting of it, the grabbing and the biting of it. Key scenes revolve around intense physicality from the young actors, which meant the leads needed to get to know each other, fast.

From the first day of the shooting, I wanted them to be completely OK with each others bodies, Ducournau said. Obviously I didnt ask them to get naked in front of each other Im not a tyrant or a perv but I did ask them to watch horror movies together.

Under Ducournaus orders, Marillier, Rumpf and Rabah Nat Oufella (who plays Justines gay roommate and love interest, Adrien) gathered at Marilliers house before shooting began to watch scary movies.

When you watch horror movies together it creates something very intimate, the director said. For her part, she watches one a night. When youre scared, you tend to get a bit closer to the person next to you … and because they are different gender, it was [especially] important to me that they were completely at ease with each other. Of course, I asked them to drink beer as well.

From the first day of the shooting, I wanted [the cast] to be completely OK with each others bodies, says Raw director Julia Ducournau.

I put everything close to the ground

Much of the film takes place in college, particularly in college dorms, which swim in the organic, heaving messiness of teens. When you look in the room of a teenager, you will always have some food that is mixed with clothes and you always have these weird smells, Ducournau said. I wanted to give the impression of something that stinks a bit.

The heat and dank stickiness that pervades these rooms gives them a living, breathing quality that adds to the animalism of their inhabitants. But Ducournau wanted to somehow get her characters bodies to look less human, too. I wanted them to be like animals, on their all-fours, all the time, on their knees. So I asked the art director to put everything close to the ground.

The dorm beds are mattresses; the chairs are barely cushions; the desks are low and, if a character needs something, it will be at the bottom of the closet. The actors slouch and slump their shoulders, grasping at furniture to propel themselves through rooms; whole scenes play out on the floor.

Julia Ducournau: I wanted to give the impression of something that stinks a bit.

Without me even saying a word to them, this seemed to give them a more animal-like posture, she said. It also meant they needed lots of carpeting on set. If theyre always on their knees, there has to be a reason why and the reason is because its cosy, its possible. Otherwise I think nobody would believe it.

When we finished shooting, she was in tears

Raw is the third film Ducournau has worked on with Marillier, after the directors short film, Junior, and her TV movie, Mange. We are very, very close to each other in real life. We have a strong bond. We trust each other very much, the director said. It allows us to push the boundaries further and further.

Marilliers character Justine morphs through the movie from virgin vegetarian to well, its a cannibal film. She is just so different between the beginning and the end and obviously we couldnt shoot in chronological order, Im not that famous, Ducournau laughed. It meant Marillier had to switch between characters in a day, sometimes from one shot to another. That was a big challenge for her

Another challenge was the physicality of the role. As the tension reaches its peak, Justine is shot tight and close in bed under a sheet, writhing and thrashing and scratching her skin as she physically fights her urges.

I described it to her as alike [to] when junkies try to come clean; I showed her what I wanted to see a lot of like Trainspotting and stuff. And when we finished shooting that scene, she was really in tears … it was too intense somehow.

It didnt help that crew members had been prodding and poking the actor through the sheet. I wanted to create this sense that the body is super tensed and is expecting something to come and hit her, she said. She was really proud to have done this, afterwards; she was really, really relieved in a way, and very proud.

Garance Marillier in Raw. Photograph: Wild Bunch

Prosthetics are way more fun

For all the talk of the fainting, only a few scenes in the film show the horror of cannibalism up close and, where she could, Ducournau kept clear of digital effects. I like prosthetics, I think theyre way more fun what you get on screen is way more vivid and organic and gross, she said. Its also really great when you bring prosthetics to a set its like everyone is back in summer camp, everyone wants to touch it, wants to taste it, maybe you put some blood on your face. Its good for the spirit [of the set].

The cannibalism scene audiences have been reacting to most is not particularly gratuitous in fact it involves something as small, and as common, as a finger. I could have chosen way worse than a finger, right? I could have made it, like, tripes, brain, buttocks, something big and fat, you know? But I did not, Ducournau said.

Fingers are, in a horrible way, bite-sized and we spend so much time with them near our mouths. Thats why it worked. We all know that there are two things in a finger: there is a bone, and there is a nail. And we know that if we take off the very small amount of skin that there is on it, you get right to the bone.

When she eats it, you actually dont see that much, because its hidden between her own fingers, Ducournau said. That was part of the plan too. There were some things I had to show, and some I had to leave to my audiences imagination.

Raw is showing in select Australian cinemas from 20 April

Guardian Australia visited Rendez Vous with French Cinema in Paris as a guest of UniFrance

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/01/raw-director-julia-ducournau-on-how-to-make-a-horror-film-as-creepy-as-possible/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/162487830597

[allofbeercom]

Raw director Julia Ducournau on how to make a horror film as creepy as possible

The brains behind the French cannibal film that overwhelmed Toronto audiences shares her tricks for creating menacing, hair-raising body horror

Julia Ducournaus debut feature film, Raw, made headlines at Toronto last year when a couple of horrified audience members fainted in the cinema and an ambulance had to be called. All publicity is good publicity, but the director wasnt thrilled.

For me, its really something that I could have done without, Ducournau said in January in Paris, to tells a room full of press. Her film which opened this week in Australia had just screened; none of us fainted. I saw it snowball on the internet for a week afterwards, and theres pretty much nothing you can do about that. At one point people were talking about a movie that is not mine … My movies not a shocker, its not a blood fest; its more than that.

Ducournaus cannibal horror film is as much body horror as it is black comedy and coming-of-age drama, and it uses the cinematic grammar of all three. Naive teen Justine (Garance Marillier) heads off to join her sister Alexia (Ella Rumpf) at veterinary college. As part of a brutal hazing, she is forced to eat a rabbit kidney and thats when the cravings take hold.

The film is troubling, riveting, claustrophobic and darkly hilarious. The Guardians Peter Bradshaw was among many critics who praised it: What is very impressive about Raw is that absolutely everything about it is disquieting, not just the obvious moments of revulsion: there is no let up in the ambient background buzz of fear, he wrote.

At the Paris press event, Ducournau examined a few of the techniques that had got her there.

I asked them to watch horror movies and drink beer

It should come as no surprise that a coming-of-age film about cannibalism, in which the protagonist is a virgin vegetarian woman, should be so much about flesh: the hating of it, the coveting of it, the grabbing and the biting of it. Key scenes revolve around intense physicality from the young actors, which meant the leads needed to get to know each other, fast.

From the first day of the shooting, I wanted them to be completely OK with each others bodies, Ducournau said. Obviously I didnt ask them to get naked in front of each other Im not a tyrant or a perv but I did ask them to watch horror movies together.

Under Ducournaus orders, Marillier, Rumpf and Rabah Nat Oufella (who plays Justines gay roommate and love interest, Adrien) gathered at Marilliers house before shooting began to watch scary movies.

When you watch horror movies together it creates something very intimate, the director said. For her part, she watches one a night. When youre scared, you tend to get a bit closer to the person next to you … and because they are different gender, it was [especially] important to me that they were completely at ease with each other. Of course, I asked them to drink beer as well.

From the first day of the shooting, I wanted [the cast] to be completely OK with each others bodies, says Raw director Julia Ducournau.

I put everything close to the ground

Much of the film takes place in college, particularly in college dorms, which swim in the organic, heaving messiness of teens. When you look in the room of a teenager, you will always have some food that is mixed with clothes and you always have these weird smells, Ducournau said. I wanted to give the impression of something that stinks a bit.

The heat and dank stickiness that pervades these rooms gives them a living, breathing quality that adds to the animalism of their inhabitants. But Ducournau wanted to somehow get her characters bodies to look less human, too. I wanted them to be like animals, on their all-fours, all the time, on their knees. So I asked the art director to put everything close to the ground.

The dorm beds are mattresses; the chairs are barely cushions; the desks are low and, if a character needs something, it will be at the bottom of the closet. The actors slouch and slump their shoulders, grasping at furniture to propel themselves through rooms; whole scenes play out on the floor.

Julia Ducournau: I wanted to give the impression of something that stinks a bit.

Without me even saying a word to them, this seemed to give them a more animal-like posture, she said. It also meant they needed lots of carpeting on set. If theyre always on their knees, there has to be a reason why and the reason is because its cosy, its possible. Otherwise I think nobody would believe it.

When we finished shooting, she was in tears

Raw is the third film Ducournau has worked on with Marillier, after the directors short film, Junior, and her TV movie, Mange. We are very, very close to each other in real life. We have a strong bond. We trust each other very much, the director said. It allows us to push the boundaries further and further.

Marilliers character Justine morphs through the movie from virgin vegetarian to well, its a cannibal film. She is just so different between the beginning and the end and obviously we couldnt shoot in chronological order, Im not that famous, Ducournau laughed. It meant Marillier had to switch between characters in a day, sometimes from one shot to another. That was a big challenge for her

Another challenge was the physicality of the role. As the tension reaches its peak, Justine is shot tight and close in bed under a sheet, writhing and thrashing and scratching her skin as she physically fights her urges.

I described it to her as alike [to] when junkies try to come clean; I showed her what I wanted to see a lot of like Trainspotting and stuff. And when we finished shooting that scene, she was really in tears … it was too intense somehow.

It didnt help that crew members had been prodding and poking the actor through the sheet. I wanted to create this sense that the body is super tensed and is expecting something to come and hit her, she said. She was really proud to have done this, afterwards; she was really, really relieved in a way, and very proud.

Garance Marillier in Raw. Photograph: Wild Bunch

Prosthetics are way more fun

For all the talk of the fainting, only a few scenes in the film show the horror of cannibalism up close and, where she could, Ducournau kept clear of digital effects. I like prosthetics, I think theyre way more fun what you get on screen is way more vivid and organic and gross, she said. Its also really great when you bring prosthetics to a set its like everyone is back in summer camp, everyone wants to touch it, wants to taste it, maybe you put some blood on your face. Its good for the spirit [of the set].

The cannibalism scene audiences have been reacting to most is not particularly gratuitous in fact it involves something as small, and as common, as a finger. I could have chosen way worse than a finger, right? I could have made it, like, tripes, brain, buttocks, something big and fat, you know? But I did not, Ducournau said.

Fingers are, in a horrible way, bite-sized and we spend so much time with them near our mouths. Thats why it worked. We all know that there are two things in a finger: there is a bone, and there is a nail. And we know that if we take off the very small amount of skin that there is on it, you get right to the bone.

When she eats it, you actually dont see that much, because its hidden between her own fingers, Ducournau said. That was part of the plan too. There were some things I had to show, and some I had to leave to my audiences imagination.

Raw is showing in select Australian cinemas from 20 April

Guardian Australia visited Rendez Vous with French Cinema in Paris as a guest of UniFrance

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/01/raw-director-julia-ducournau-on-how-to-make-a-horror-film-as-creepy-as-possible/