#one that had as yet to have been broken
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@hyacinths-cottage Interesting Your thesis suggests that Henry didn't loose his emotional viriginity throughout his lengthy marriage with Kathy of A? Explanation?
naur, i'm saying that was julia fox and john guy's thesis, in between the lines.
i'm definitely not saying (and i don't believe they were trying to, either, if you read julia fox's biography of coa, that's's especially clear), that he didn't love or have an emotional connection to his first wife. he chose her against the advice of (some) of his council, he chose her after he was at least somewhat (i mean, i do think it's interesting they weren't really overfamiliar with each other, she was far from a fixture at henry vii's court once widowed) familiar with her, and they married and were crowned together and had, and lost, children, together. they lived together, they shared their faith. this obviously all creates a bond, and they obviously had a bond, an emotional bond, a bond of intimacy, all that.
but his relationship with anne was ...something different. they definitely argue that what he had with anne, and felt for anne, doesn't really match what he had and felt for catherine, at any point (and, actually, they argue, that this did not match what he had with or felt for, any other woman he sought as a romantic partner, at any other point in his life). not to say that wasn't 'love'...but (and this does sound strange when you know the end, nonetheless:) rather that he seems to have esteemed anne's counsel far more, that he seems to have esteemed her as a partner far more, and that he envisioned something for her coronation and status as queen that surpassed that which he had for catherine.
the not directly articulated thesis of hunting the falcon is that while catherine of aragon took henry's literal virginity, anne boleyn took his emotional virginity.
#hyacinths-cottage#replies#i might post some excerpts where they specifically#draw constrasts between his relationship / the influence he granted coa vs anne . if you're interested.#that's sort of what i'm getting at#full discloshe: i am slightly stoned atm.#she broke an emotional THRESHOLD in him is what i'm trying to say#one that had as yet to have been broken#so yeah. clumsy analogy for the trope of virginity being something which can be taken or lost! i know#but their conclusion seems very similar to the one starkey drew many years ago#which was that AB 'made him; for the first and last time in his life#fall properly in love'#ie she did not literally take his virginity but there's a lot that's 'virginal' about henry here'#not the least that he genuinely believes anne is his first wife. thus when they consummate it's#to his belief; the first time he's consummated with his wife.#both in his vulnerability and his seeming allowance of her to set the rules. for a time#*stereotype
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I'm all for viktor manhandling jayce, but let's be real. Jayce is LUCKY viktor chose that path
Had viktor approached jayce in human form, hugged/cradled him, held his face, and soothed him with sweet nothings, that man would have FOLDED like a lawn chair
After months of torture? HIM??? He would not survive
#we already know jayce likes using peoples laps as a head rest LMFAO he would be BROKEN#also i havent finished season 2 yet this is all what i got from spoilers. thanks guys <- guy who ruined his own life#im a good ending for everyone truther but also. a scene like this but with the same ending?? could have been BRUTAL#i want that man BROKEN i want that man GIVING UP for a moment#i want that man almost falling for it because he just went through months of hell and he just wants a hug and a break dammit#screaming crying throwing up etc#having a breakdown while hextor is smiling thinkin about how he won and hes gonna get his partner on his beep boop shit#arcane#jayvik#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#jayce talis#viktor arcane#viktor cult#when youve had such a shit day you can ignore your ex being a cult leader who wants to assimilate you#edging whump w this one boys#yappersville
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Thinking about Elizabeth Woodville as a gothic heroine is making me go insane. She entered the story by overturning existing social structures, provoking both ire and fascination. She married into a dynasty doomed to eat itself alive. She was repeatedly associated with the supernatural, both in terms of love and death. Her life was shaped entirely by uncanny repetitions - two marriages, two widowhoods, two depositions, two flights to sanctuary, two ultimate reclamations, all paralleling and ricocheting off each other. Her plight after 1483 exposed the true rot at the heart of the monarchy - the trappings of royalty pulled away to reveal nothing, a never-ending cycle of betrayal and war, the price of power being the (literal) blood of children. She lived past the end of her family name, she lived past the end of her myth. She ended her life in a deeply anomalous position, half-in and half-out of royal society. She was both a haunting tragedy and the ultimate survivor who was finally free.
#elizabeth woodville#nobody was doing it like her#I wanted to add more things (eg: propaganda casting her as a transgressive figure and a threat to established orders; the way we'll never#truly Know her as she's been constantly rewritten across history) but ofc neither are unique to her or any other historical woman#my post#wars of the roses#don't reblog these tags but - the thing about Elizabeth is that she kept winning and losing at the same time#She rose higher and fell harder (in 1483-85) than anyone else in the late 15th century#From 1461 she was never ever at lasting peace - her widowhood and the crisis of 1469-71 and the actual terrible nightmare of 1483-85 and#Simnel's rebellion against her family and the fact that her birth family kept dying with her#and then she herself died right around the time yet another Pretender was stirring and threatening her children. That's...A Lot.#Imho Elizabeth was THE adaptor of the Wars of the Roses - she repeatedly found herself in highly anomalous and#unprecedented situations and just had to survive and adjust every single time#But that's just...never talked about when it comes to her#There are so many aspects of her life that are potentially fascinating yet completely unexplored in scholarship or media:#Her official appointment in royal councils; her position as the first Englishwoman post the Norman Conquest to be crowned queen#and what that actually MEANT for her; an actual examination of the propaganda against her; how she both foreshadowed and set a precedent#for Henry VIII's english queens; etc#There hasn't even been a proper reassessment of her role in 1483-85 TILL DATE despite it being one of the most wildly contested#periods in medieval England#lol I guess that's what drew me to Elizabeth in the first place - there's a fundamental lack of interest or acknowledgement in what was#actually happening with her and how it may have affected her. There's SO MUCH we can talk about but historians have repeatedly#stuck to the basics - and even then not well#I guess I have more things to write about on this blog then ((assuming I ever ever find the energy)#also to be clear while the Yorkists did 'eat themselves alive' they also Won - the crisis of 1483-85 was an internal conflict within#the dynasty that was not related to the events that ended in 1471 (which resulted in Edward IV's victory)#Henry Tudor was a figurehead for Edwardian Yorkists who specifically raised him as a claimant and were the ones who supported him#specifically as the husband of Elizabeth of York (swearing him as king only after he publicly swore to marry her)#Richard's defeat at Bosworth had *nothing* to do with 'York VS Lancaster' - it was the victory of one Yorkist faction against another#But yes the traditional line of succession was broken by Richard's betrayal and the male dynastic line was ultimately extinguished.
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I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.
I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.
It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.
There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.
#its just like idk i dont think Curly was a bad captain because we only have this scenerio and I certainly dont think a man like Swansea#would like him or have very little issues with him specifically if he was incompentent or too lienent in the past but I do think the stress#was making him worse and worse as being a present leader as it dawned on him how much he actually had to handle like I really think he#just wanted to do yknow normal captain pilot stuff and fly the ship and yknow the little stuff like make sure things run right and over tim#the constant stress and strain of having to make every major choice started to grate on him and freak him out cause they cant even fucking#eat unless he pulls out the scanner and starts cooking like he has to choose the meal likely or have a vote and i make that part of the#reason he seems so indecisive and inactive is the fact he has to make the choice all the time and he's hoping he can at least make the crew#feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to#choose for them all the time like thats a lot of responsibility monitering their sleep their breaks food consumption thats all on him like#it really should be another persons job entirely as thats almost like absoulte contrl over the lives of everyone else that PE forces onto#that title and its also crazy how everyone accepts it even if they dont like it like they broke the food machine open rather than get the#scanner they all waited two months before Jimmy appointed himself leader its so scary how conditioned they all are to the environemnt#cause that sort of mindset is sadly real where people just wait everyone just waited until it was getting real dire and then they still#followed Jimmy without too many complaints like i saw a fic or post where Anya acknowledges they all kinda just let Jimmy do what they want#because he became the captain and it was stupid on all their parts cause they could clearly see how bad he was and yet he was captain so#they just fell in line to their roles and thats a bigger point towards how PE treated them and the complacency capitalism brings to you#just like something that irks me because idk I know Curly is slow to act but he's not as like unopinionated as people make him out to be#like he does try to find solutions but they are still restricted at the end of the day by what PE provides them and I think his biggest c#crime is being in his own head too much and not giving Anya that emotional stability cause like idk man was he supposed to go to Home Depot#himself and install like padlocks? even if the let Anya sleep in medical after she pointed it out she was already pregnant at that point#like we arent seeing the inherent issue that no one not even Anya herself was thinking of the preventative measures because a)there was a#point nothing was happening that necessitated them b) it would've been the responsibility of PE to address them pre and post incident and c#there is only one person on the entire ship given the authority to do anything. You can not make multiple important choices in one instance#in such little time and Curly should not have had that total power like i think the most interesting thing in takes that really blame Curly#is that level of control they give him over the company. Like again i think about the three days we miss between the eval/party and the#convo/crash like i think people switch them around as if those scenes happen in succession when they are broken up and its heavily implied#Curly and Jimmy just havent been talking vs the depiction that she told him and for like three days Curly was just chummy despite the fact#Jimmy and him just had a blow out fight like the next time we assume they talk is during the crash sequence cause he honestly hangs#around Anya more which i think is really important because she trust Curly to defend her himself but not his judgement to give her somethin#to defend herself as she knows he believes her but also knows she's not seeing the danger the same and its heartbreaking and more
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I think we should talk more about the mind-fuck that was the fullbringer arc and what that would’ve done to Ichigo’s mental state, especially in regard to potential trust issues + anxiety stemming from the fear that he can’t trust his own mind (because being the only person to remember something, even knowing why that’s the case, has to do a number on your self-confidence) + trauma expressed in nightmares and panic attacks when his memories aren’t lining up with someone else’s. like how would you fucking cope after something like that?
#king’s court#bleach#ichigo kurosaki#kurosaki ichigo#let’s be real there’s no way Ichigo walks away from canon without an eighteen wheeler full of trauma#but this one. this one in particular really fucks with me#I have never seen Ichigo so broken as he was in the moment he realized the last of his friends and family#had been turned against him#so utterly alone he doesn’t even have the will to fight anymore#because Ichigo fights for other people#he can and does enjoy a fight I firmly believe that#but his purpose is to PROTECT#take that away and he’s a shell of himself as we saw#and yet when we pick back up in TYBW the slate’s been wiped clean like it never even happened#of all the things that piss me off about the trajectory bleach took this has to be kubo’s most egregious sin in my eyes
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i just need a minute i know this is the least sympathetic website to mourn the loss of one's american patriotism but. damn i wanted to dedicate my life to serving this country and its people. truly i want to believe in this country's highest ideals and that even when we are at our worst there are people who are doing the work who honestly care about trying to do something better. and seriously and truly contributing to that work was my dream and my calling and. and when i think about what's become of those dreams i just feel like crying and never stopping.
#like i'm pursuing something i'm passionate abt now and something i enjoy greatly#i'm lucky to have a lot of dreams. but this was the one i wanted to spend my life pursuing. and i just can't#since the election for the first time since i was 11 i haven't been reading the news at all#bc. bc. bc i had faith in people generally caring and being good. and i'm not strong enough to face this directly yet.#and i had already decided not to go into govt after jan 6 bc. well it just didn't feel safe anymore. and that already had broken my heart#and ik ik my sadness is truly the least significant thing about all of this it really is. but my heart is kind of broken man.
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One day. I will be able to find the words. To explain what the difference is between Lif and Mani. There is a Core Difference between them. Of what they Are. Today apparently is NOT that day though.
#mani tag#IT ALMOST WAS. IT ALMOST WAS. I FEEL SO CLOSE TO SOMETHING. but i'm just not CAPTURING IT#it's something about how lif is still a person. how lif is still 'alive' so to speak.#no matter how much he's lost along the way and no matter how he's irrevocably changed. he's still A Person.#mani is not a person. mani was never meant to be a person.#when you grieve lif you are grieving a person. someone who's been beaten and broken#someone who's unrecognizable and yet. no. no. that's still so painfully alfonse in there.#if you were to grieve mani. you are grieving a concept. you are grieving a meticulously curated reflection.#meanwhile MOE IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE!!!!!! IT'S ALIVE!!!!!!#now i don't believe in what i'm about to say. HOWEVER.#your sin stacked against mine. what we were tainted by and how we endured.#you just sucked ass. okay. worst anyone has ever done it.#but if all sin is the same in the eyes of god then why do YOU still get to be a person and i've had my person privileges revoked.#moe is the one who's personhood was revoked and mani is the one who was never meant to be a person in the first place.#but the moe that looked like mani. was the one who was assigned personhood. mani is the reflection of this.#mani is the representation dare i say MANIFESTATION. of all that moe did to earn and maintain that personhood.#ooohkay taken enough damange now. final words#alfonse does not grieve mani. alfonse does however have his own slew of Problems and mani is about to become one of them.#on purpose.#moe lore
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If Kipperlilly DOES end up betraying Porter/Jace as part of a secret other scheme she has (whether good or evil) and it has to do with saving Lucy, I just know she’s going to be a bitch about it and pull a ‘sorry, I only save High Five Heroes’ before leaving her other friends to die or some shit. And then she will take her final form: Magic Betty from Adventure Time, betraying her allies and saving her frost gf at the expense of the world. It would also parallel what Ankarna is going through (‘your girlfriend’s out of town, it sucks’, becoming a little imperialist rage machine under the influence of Porter/Sunstone but not being able to fully turn on Lucy despite going against her values and turning into a violent weirdo). This is my wish. My dream. I am manifesting it. Magic Betty Kipperlilly I believe in you.
#I am currently painting clown makeup on my face rn but this is what I’ve been rooting for from the beginning so let me dream#Come on though she HAS to have some other shit going on though right?#She was DEFINITLY in that temple when the Bad Kids said Ankarna’s name#Brennan literally rolled#and we know she was in Porter’s office#so WHY hadn’t she told him Ankarna’s real name yet? We know he genuinely believed Fig found it#Also the BKs couldn’t see who was in the window during the Wanda Childa scene#Which one of the RGs has invisibility?#HMMMM#Wanda saying ‘Kipperlilly? Why are you doing this? Is it because you’re jealous?’ before getting carried off by a fake Porter would let KP#know ‘okay they FULLY saw what happened after I killed Buddy and are onto us’ which would cause her to follow them to the temple#Also…if NONE of the Rat Grinders knew Ankarna’s name then what did Lucy write on her form to change her divinity???#We KNOW it was Ankarna’s name and not the ‘symbol representing her’ because no one could see it BECAUSE the god was dead and no one alive#knew her name#Which means Lucy HAD TO HAVE KNOWN and was keeping it from the others right?#And when she died and didn’t come back they were fucked because they couldn’t even check the form anymore#But#Brennan also said that if Porter WASNT using Devil’s Honey and genuinely believed in Rage And Conquest goddess Ankarna instead of just her#domain then he and his ritual would (maybe) bring her back instead of killing her permenantly so he can take her domain#And idk#A powerful goddess of rage and conquest who despite everything can’t be turned against her sister and ex#who’s resurrection would mean the rune could be broken and Lucy can come back to life#One who has (or had) a personal vendetta against at least one of the bad kids#and a personal vendetta against the people who led to Lucy’s death#that sounds pretty appealing to someone as spiteful and obsessive as Kipperlilly doesn’t it#especially after her best (maybe only real) friend died and didn’t come back#especially if she stayed dead specifically to stop Porter#Again I’m putting my clown makeup on but I don’t want her to be secretly good or anything just unhinged and gay and a parallel to Ankarna#Please world let me have this I’m on my knees#dimension 20
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tagged by my beloveds @cordiallyfuturedwight and @aprylynn for the july list <33 i'm terribly afraid the glen powell of it all got to me this july and thus..
you can find this country music for beginners playlist here and check out lizzy's guide to the delicate art of making a playlist for a breakdown from yours truly if you feel so inclined <33
tagging my musical favs if they haven't already: @thvinyl @kimtaegis @jihopesjoint @visionsofgideontheninth @hoseeok @eoieopda @monismochi <333 and your lovely self reading this also
#and now for the facts and figures:#charleston girl - some of my absolute fav childers. a lot of banjo from the offset so maybe need to work your way up to this one#chorus is so anthemic you find yourself beginning to think you were raised in west virginia#wondering why - it's fantastic. no notes. and if you're on this site i know you at least saw mr supernatural himself cover it#all your'n - it's a twofer for childers and this is perhaps one of the greatest love songs ever written but it's best not to get into that#you and i - this one's been here before and it'll no doubt be here again!! i can say with 95% confidence this is my favourite lady gaga.#jo calderone you will always be famous. it's a country song at heart#all the ways - i have loved this song all year. it's so soulful and feels a bit like early bonnie raitt. ray lamontagne feature is inspired#broken horses - another anthem of a chorus. whole song feels like a kick in the teeth it's exceptional#country's cool again - good lord. everybody do wanna be a cowboy#think i'm in love - was pronounced dead for 3 minutes after i'd heard this one.#luckily the song was on repeat and dua kept hitting those low notes which revived me#bodyguard - song of the summer honestly. i know i say this a lot but cmon#revival - love for this one was reignited after the maggie rogers / springsteen live feature. almost biblical#i think that's it. well. do check out all country music if you haven't had the chance yet. they're doing some wonderful stuff over there#receiptify#tag#MWAH
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is your laptop still down for the count on this fine sycamore sunday.
what do you think.
#im probably gonna have to get a new one because i cant transport this one to/from classes since the screen is broken#but. i havent had a chance to even look for a new one yet#between job apps and driving practice and stress i have been. dead to the world#professor layton#sycamore sunday
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i didn't think i cared much for n's final battle theme bc i'm a sucker for melodically strong pieces aka certified bangers. but i must say it does a good job at making you uncomfortable when you really listen to the details. it's got tritones, clock ticking sounds, heartbeats, fire and lighting sound effects for reshiram and zekrom, up and down flights, ominous choir, plenty of dissonance. i woke up in a cold sweat at like 5am today with it hauntingly stuck in my head for some reason and that makes it deserving of my respect
#i would have preferred something more melodic to go with the theme of his heroic and pure heart. and his name#but it does a good job at being like hey there really is something genuinely wrong with this man#it sure sounds.. unnatural.......#he is undoubtedly human and full of love and justice. but he's also broken and misguided#he's barely had any real human interactions in his life and has like no social skills#he has at least one confirmed supernatural power in being able to speak to pokémon#apparently the ticking clocks were supposed to represent the ability to see into the past/future that got scrapped?#but i feel like that's still at least partially canon bc he does mention something like that#the ticking clocks and heartbeats at once are so unsettling. like a duality between machine and human#he's a human being who's been raised to be. less than that. treated as a pawn#obsessed with precise calculations. literally called a 'freak without a human heart'#alternatively it could be meant to represent like hey here's him breaking down and losing it#he already knows he's wrong but can't let go of it yet#they could've included the theme of mechanical calculations but still included a solid melody for his true heart#but his true heart is clouded at that point#man i love blorbo#i need to study him#pokémon#and see. ghetsis' battle theme similarly is dissonant and ominous rather than catchy#so maybe n's thing is that since he's doing all this as ghetsis' puppet#but also like ghetsis' is way more simple and n's is frantic and chaotic#to show how ghetsis is pretty much just pure evil and self-absorbed (the man has choir chanting his name!!!)#but n is conflicted and troubled inside and doesn't even know who he is anymore#natural harmonia more like. unnatural disharmonia#(is 'gropius' also a music thing i genuinely don't know)#bw
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being a busy ass student with student journalism gigs on one hand and comm academic shit on the other is very interesting because with the jam-packed life I live I only really get to breathe at like late lAAATE night when no one can bother me about my responsibilities other than myself. that being said that's also when creative brain goes into overdrive and now misfits finally has the final draft of its opening number woo
#so heres the thing kasi the opening number of that damn project hAS BEEN THE HARDEST TO WRITE#i believe at this point there had been morethan 10 drafts gjdjd because like heres the thing with that number specifically#misfits is a fourth wall breaky show within a show and the 5 narrators (and 1 misfit which i'll get to in a bit) knowingly perform#to appease the audience. hence the opening number throughout the years has reflected that - a performance that breaks the barrier between#audience and stage. even when misfits wasnt a show withjn a show concept this had always been the general treatment so that the audience#actually GETS whats happening - but i always come to changing it because well i also wanted to add foreshadowing factors: somehing that#suggests that the show isn't actually all that it seems. previous drafts had this show through the typical Tagalog - Real#and English - Scripted element in the show - language being used to determine authenticity. however that begs the question of how to#properly utilize the Misfits in the opening number - given that two of them dont know about the Show while the other is confused#and then at 2 am i remembered Hermes from Hadestown and boop a lightning bulb#instead of opting for opening numbers that had hints of sabotage or theatrical malfunctions that suggests that the show is Not What It Seems#i thought - why not have it 'malfunction' at the start and have it introduce the wrong character first 5 minutes before the Narrators come#so basically after the Producers (represented through um P.A. voices smth like that) welcome everyone - what is supposed to be the#introduction of the Narrators first ends up as the introduction of the 3rd Misfit (Zeke - 18 - nb) who appears genuinely lost#they appear genuinely in distress though they keep themselves composed at the realization that they are facing an Audience#and they Know this because he was formerly a Narrator as well - though at this point in the story nobody (bar one) knows that#they decide to take their time in chatting with the audience while charming them using their old Narrator tactics in order to get a grip on#whats going on - being a first step towards how involved the audience will be in the story as Zeke then goes to question them outwardly on#the morals of the story they expect and whether it is ethical to have children forcibly conform to religion in the first place#but they do so in an entertaining Bo Burnham manner - a way that doesnt catch people off guard until They Want To - because ayun he#plays by the rules of the show#this doesnt seem like the 'opening number' yet does it but im getting there fjd because once they sense that the narrators will be on stage#as a memento they teach them to sing a melody that will serve as Zeke's motif - something that will eventually scare the lead Narrator and#the Producers - because whenever the motif is sung it means that someone has Broken a Significant Part of the show#especially since the Motif was um lets say its from a now defunct show the Producers and Zeke and the Lead Narrator used to have#that melody will then be subtly present throughout the entire opening number of the Narrators - which will then be played straight#but with the Misfits make their pre-official-introduction appearances by forming the bridge of the opener using the Motif#thats when we learn of the show being compromised from the very start - especially with the lyrics of the motif expressing doubt in faith#personal shit (ran out of tags whoops but um yea basically its Have The Audience Have A Hint to Whats Going On Through Recognizable Motifs)#(also the motif the audience learns is a melody - Zeke (and the lead narrator) changes the lyrics as they go) (also sorry for the ramble)
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re: udg reblog,
clearly the solution to “oh i love this but i don’t think anyone should play it” is to write a fic with only the good parts and none of the bad parts but then you have this big empty space where the bad parts were so you just make something up that seems vaguely believable
that seems like a normal thing normal people do right?
RIGHT?
It’s always correct and totally won’t ever lead to agony as you look at the canon and scream because my god how are you supposed to salvage something this stupid why are you doing this you used to be so normal and not care oh god why does attacking the little girl make her pants fly off oh god why is delta a character
#ask#i love zwg truly. but i understand the agony#if i wanted to make a better version of udg or really any dr game i have no clue where id start my god theres so much happening#obviously the clown nonsense that is komaeda in that game needs to stay because theres really nothing better than seeing him be bullied#by a bunch of grade schoolers who throw milkshakes at him and draw on his face with sharpie#oh oh and the sexy byakuya fantasies need to stay too because if youre bad at the puzzles like me he just bullies you#its dry catered to the shit me and my sister meme about akjsks#the shit with the kids though..........yikes#also fuck shirokuma i cant stand him literally the most obnoxious character ever created#it felt good to kill him#i was doing a proper playthrough of udg last year see cuz id never played it myself#just watched playthroughs when i was 14 and edgy and had no frame of reference for good writing yet#so it was fun not only re experiencing the utter. obscenity that is this game and also trying to figure out the mechanics#its kinda fun sometimes until the boss fights happen then its like actually the worst thing ever i may have needed to walk around angrily#and basically i was on ch4 and stopped when there was a mission with haiji cuz i just. needed to stop#havent played since im too frightened aksjks#and yeah the agony of trying to rewrite a game is shared cuz im going through it with p3#and basically basically i have been trying so hard and was in a good zone but basically i snapped recently#cuz the kirijo group stuff my god its just so bad that i like theres just no way i can make this game make sense#i have the one project where everything is restructured but then i have the stuff where like. I have to make this fit the game structure#loosely cuz it was just supposed to be a character analysis fic but basically my brain hath broken its kaboom#though p3 is a lot more workable than ztd is my god theres just too much happening at once there aksjks#you are so brave for what youve done Kay 🙏#and to any poor soul who wants to do a rewrite of a frustrating story......have fun. but watch out
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Dont be angry, Finnula said. Be smart.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Finnula#no spoilers pls first read along w me chapter spoilers in post & tags below w more annotations/quotes/notes/reacts/perspective 3 of 4#The City of Rivers… can Aelin get a City of Fire? cuz that would be cool & Elide already said “fear was another companion it can’t be worse#IT WAS LORCANS SHIRT😭 & he cared so much he lied so she’d use it from Gavriel/Rowan😭 OH ELORCAN😭😭😭#Yet this place seemed like a paradise. WHATS REAL? is it a Maeve illusion… but it sounds lovely; like Rowan could just fly around😭#Pink and blue flowers draped from windowsills; little canals wended between some of the streets ferrying people in bright long boats.#And though a good dose of fear would aid in her cover too much would spell her doom. -smart clever spy gal Annabeth Chase would be proud#And this city Rowan had told Elide had been built from stone to keep Brannon or any of his descendants from razing it to the ground.#when u know ur evil cuz you had to build in a backup plan for the day Brannons peeps eventually come to shut that shit down… my poor Aelin#Elide fought the limp that grew with each step farther into the city--farther away from Gavriel's magic… or Lorcan’s👀😭🖤🤨#okay Elide I see your mirror mirror Aos moves with the berry listen and compact trick she can do it with a broken heart#cycle. She hadn't been able to find the words anyway. Not with what it would crumple in her chest to even think them. WELL NOW IM CRUMPLED#As if she'd been weeping for weeks… yeah that fits the KoA vibes#But it wasn't the reflection she wanted to see. But rather the square behind her. — BRILLIANT QUEEN — lol thx Lorcan for having a mirror#if only anything could be a witch mirror then they could all cell chat and communicate cause the travel time in this one is rough#she was merely staring into a compact mirror no more than a self-conscious girl trying to fix her frazzled appearance — she is the best spy#A girl trying to muster some dignity. Let them see what they wanted to see-A girl far out of her element in this lovely well-dressed city#cornflower blue ALWAYS THESE SHADES#her golden-brown skin shone with an inner light. Her eyes were soft with kindness. And concern.#had always made them foolishly off guard and eager to get away. To tell her what she needed to know. — funny 2 watch Elide do this after HoF#The sort of voice Elide had always imagined great beauties possessing the sort of voice that made men fall all over themselves.#Cairn. One of the males swore; the other scanned Elide from head to toe. But the two females had gone still. — agreed he’s the worst#the portrait of hope—yeah child’s right cause no—Elide always naming people—If you escaped Cairn don't go looking for him again.—true#Cairn is blood-sworn to our queen. Still makes him a prick TRUTH — doesn’t need to be a far to catch the lie — WHERE IS SHE DAMNIT#She was about to do it again wheen… The dark-haired beauty from the tavern was standing behind her. — SHIT#Maeve was not in Doranelle. How long would that remain true? Had to make the next performance count. — how many had she done this already?🥹😭
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hmm i think i am not coping. very well
#i feel like ive hit a wall in my ability to handle anything and idk how to hold myself together anymore#i see myself spiraling terribly but i am so exhausted in every single way that i cannot bring myself to care#and it’s going to kill me one day but i cant even care abt that#july was so horrible. so so bad it’s the worst month ive had since my dad’s passing#i feel so incredibly empty and stagnant and stuck i feel like i am in a tar pit and ive been here before#but i no longer have the strength to claw myself out of it#nor the support of others (irl i love u mutuals)#i quite literally only have my brother at this point and with how physically abusive he can become it’s not like that’s a relationship i#truly feel supported and safe in but it’s all i have#ive always been isolated severely by my family + the Issues have always made socialization so exhausting#i feel like im just floating and no one knows me nor cares bc how can they. i either just push people away to avoid getting hurt or i dont e#even try. and when i want to it’s a task so daunting and draining#i don’t have it in me despite knowing the lack of human connection is absolutely destroying me and ripping me to shreds#despite knowing a community of some kind would help#but i also feel like i offer fucking nothing and am worthless so would i even accept the help given to me. probably not#i wish i wasnt so intense of a person in every single way. and yet i will never be enough either#i feel like ive been clinging and digging my claws into my sanity that was not really present in the first place#ive been put through so much i couldnt cope with so repeatedly and so young i think by the time i wqs 10 i had already hit a wall but you#cant just stop living so it’s only compounded on top of that#it feels unhealable it feels like just part of me now.#i see a complete absence of a future for myself and i have no one to stay alive for anymore#not my parents not my pets not my friends and i dont know how to stay alive for myself bc it’s not something ive ever wanted#idk anymore. ive never felt so utterly lost and alone and broken lmao.#no wonder this relapse has been so all-consuming#dlt ltr
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I have been really loving Fruits Basket so far, but I’m at the end of the show and I gotta be honest.......I’m not feeling some of these resolutions?
#mostly how the curse has been broken#it had such a massive build-up so I really thought the key to solving it will be dramatic#like Idk maybe they had to climb a mountain and search a labyrinth to find an old temple with wall-paintings that had the answer or somethig#basically something groundbreaking#but nope apparently the curse just.....wore off on its own? So boring#there's also Akito#that hoe doesn't have one redeemable bone in their body#yet the show is really dead-set on giving them a 2nd chance and for what?#like years of beating insulting tormenting and straight up attempt-murders can't be brushed to the side like that#then there's Yuki still being a Mary Sue#still easily beating up Kyo in a one-sided fight without any retaliation from him even at the very end#I just want see someone beat or read him just once#3 eps left but I'm sleepy....#basically my biggest issue is how forced the happy ending is but lets see if they will do something to change my mind in these 3 eps#Fruits basket
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