#one person confesses something people agree someone else confesses the same thing but bolder...

[hybbat]

Tbh it feels sometimes like confession blogs are where the toxic people who usually get involved in fandom wars go to try stirring up trouble in this fandom that tries (and relatively succeeds at) avoiding that sort of uneeded negativity. Most, though, are probably kids getting an opinion they know they shouldn't really voice off their chest in an inappropriate place and emboldening people who previously only dispassionately agreed.

those fandom confessions blogs can be fun when they’re submitting silly things about like, “i had a weird dream about this content creator” or the like, and i’ve def enjoyed asks i’ve seen on them, but i really do hate how many of them allow people to anonymously talk shit about other members of the fandom. i feel like every other week one of those blogs is allowing some spineless asshole to anonymously talk shit about one of my friends

[fairestwriting]

Sorry for adding onto your (most likely) already busy pile but is it alright if I put in a request?

I was wondering how/what Leona, Azul, Riddle, and the Leech brothers (all separately) would act/do if they have a crush on a hopeless romantic female reader? (Maybe how they’ll try to “woo” them/get them together?) Emphasis on crush, they’re not together yet 😅

In my opinion hopeless romantics are not so much about the perfect dream lover (chivalrous, gentlemanly, etc), but more about finding “the one” that we’re meant to dedicate all our time to. Sure, we do find ourselves more attracted to guys that’ll fit the description of our “perfect”, but generally we’re able to accept just about anyone, so long as they show their sincerity. It doesn’t have to be anything big, it’s the feelings behind them that counts. Small gestures with undeniable feelings behind them are weighed much more heavily than big gestures with little thoughts behind them. Not my words but I feel like this sentence describes it perfectly “Hopeless Romantics are in love with love”. No, they don’t have to sing me poems and proses, gift me flowers at every meeting, or serenade me under the balcony. Though I’ll admit that I had written pages upon pages of love poems on a single crush We are obsessed with the idea of finding someone made just for us, for us to love and be loved in return.

Just me turning to fictional characters to cope with the harsh reality... we really aren’t made for modern society 😔

+ if you like my writing, you can buy me a ko-fi to support me!

Leona Kingscholar

For a while now, Leona really did think he found hopeless romantics stupid. He just doesn’t get why someone would put so much importance in something as vague and fleeting as romantic love.

Then he ends up falling for you.

Needless to say, his crush is something that constantly taunts him. He really feels so confused around you, as if he shouldn’t like you as much as he does. He never thought someone like you would catch his attention, you just seem so... soft, sometimes. Leona is usually straightforward about his interest in people, but when it comes to you, he doesn’t really know how to go about it.

He knows you’re not somebody who would be swayed through his meaningless teasing, that you’re the sort of person who wanted devotion. And it isn’t like he doesn’t want that with you -- Though, he’d rather die than admit this right now -- but he doesn’t know how to express it.

He still wants to show his interest, but for you, he does it differently. He flirts more subtly, teasing you less, and when you’re alone, he almost acts sweet, way easier to fluster. When you’re sweet to him back, he feels so stupidly warm and fuzzy and he loves it hates it.

Falling for a hopeless romantic definitely is the way to break Leona. It might be the only way to catch him off guard romantically, even.

Azul Ashengrotto

Similar to Leona, Azul kind of looks down on the concept of love, but for a slightly different reason. For him, it’s that he doesn’t like being vulnerable, so letting himself have this level of closeness with someone feels just... too troublesome. The chance he’d be hurt is just too much.

So he didn’t do anything about his crush on you, at first, he was trying to just wait it out like he usually does. Then, he hears your opinions and expectations with love, and things change a bit inside his head.

He’ll always be uneasy trying to make moves on people regarding that, but knowing you were so... sincere, it made him feel like trying might be worth it, this time. Ironically, what a dubious guy like him wants is someone genuine, who he didn’t feel the need to play all these games with.

He gets a little bolder with you. Inviting you to Mostro Lounge often, letting you try new recipes that still weren’t in the menu, sometimes taking you out, even buying you small gifts of things you seemed to like. He wants to show you that you’re special to him, while still keeping some subtlelty.

Riddle Rosehearts

Oh, so you’re the same!

Riddle never talks about it, but everytime he thinks about love, it’s in a similar way to you. He wants to find someone who would be his one and only, a girl who would love him just as much as he loved her. He’s endlessly embarrassed by this, sort of convinced that his expectations are just too unrealistic, but he can’t help but dream.

When you two launch into a rare conversation about relationships and he finds out you agree with him... man, if he already had a thing for you before, now he was just smitten.

Sadly Riddle is very awkward when it comes to romance. He feels like you two would make such a good couple together, he’d be the best boyfriend he possibly could be! But he gets shy when it comes to expressing his feelings, and in the end, all he can do is hope you catch on to what it means when he’s trying to spend time with you often...

He shows his affections mostly by... sort of mundane things, like inviting you to the Unbirthday Party and asking you to sit next to him, or offering to help you study, or inviting you over for tea when you have free time, being sure to remember you favorite drink and desserts... if you’re also oblivious, it might be hard to know he likes you. 

He’ll be working hard on a confession plan, though, if you two want the same thing, then he’s more willing than ever to risk it all for a romantic relationship.

Jade Leech

As he starts understanding his own feelings for you, he starts trying to gauge information about your preferences so he could plan how he’d woo you, and that’s how he finds out you’re a hopeless romantic.

He thinks it’s so endearing, honestly. Jade loves to spoil, he wants nothing more than to be the one to give you all this love you crave. He thinks often about how well he’d care for you.

He makes sure to be sort of obvious about his crush, wanting to get his feelings across more than he usually would. Jade is always there for you, happy to help and advise, he’s an acts of service kind of guy so it’s mostly how he’d try to express the fact that he loves you.

It takes a while to get an actual confession out of him though. He knows you have high expectations and has sworn he’d meet all of them. Even if you’ve told him you didn’t put that much weight on grand gestures, he did want to make his confession something impressive, if only subjectively. He wants to make sure everything is meaningful, and shows through how much attention he’d been paying to you for a while now.

“Hopeless romantic” might be part of his type, honestly, Jade is a guy who lives for this mutual devotion you strive for.

Floyd Leech

A hopeless romantic and Floyd would be... a complicated pair. 

Floyd is very casual about love, you see. The second he knows he’s fallen for you is the second he decides you’re his, and he’s yours, and that’s it. He’s casual with his affection and doesn’t mind things like relationship labels at all, he doesn’t even see the need for an actual confession, really.

So he’ll be so affectionate with you, he’s constantly showering you in love. But... he’s so casual about it, his feelings might not get through completely to you. You might not realize he’s crushing on you at all, because of how chummy he acts with everybody else.

It’s a strange situation, because you’ll be talking about how wonderful you think it’d be if you found your one and only, and Floyd will be right there wondering why you’re saying things like that when he’s right here, he’s your one and only, right? Are you telling him you just haven’t noticed that he loves you?

He’s confused when you talk about love, if you were all about sincere gestures why aren’t you catching on to his feelings? He’ll actually blurt that out one time, probably. Floyd isn’t one to keep quiet about his crushes for too long.

Once you understand where he’s coming from with all the affection, he might actually be a good partner for you. He loves you so, so, so much, and it shows! Just in, you know, kinda odd ways sometimes.

[benedictscanvas]

sage-coloured glasses - spencer reid x reader

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral!Reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: This is just a barrel of soft cardigans thrown in your face, with just the smallest mention of nightmares

A/N: This is technically a 2nd part to ‘a shared heart’, but there are only vague mentions of it and this can easily be read on its own. I simply wanted some soft Spence in his natural habitat and I hope this can be of some comfort to you too, if you’re in need of it <3

---

His hair was oh-so-soft underneath your fingertips but the thought felt forbidden. You hadn’t expected him to have soft hair. It always looked soft, yes, the small, unruly strands that he regularly curled behind his ear looked like the fluffy hair of a man who felt most at home in a library and wore cardigans. But in the line of work you were in, you were used to things having hard edges and sharp corners.

Not Spencer’s hair. It delivered on its visual promise as you slowly wove your fingers through the strands and tattooed the memory of them into your skin, let it sink into your very bones. When his head had hit your lap on your flight back home with a murmured question of permission, it had been like a magnet. Your hand was in his hair before you even gave him your answer, but it was an answer in itself.

“‘Course, Spence.”

A reassurance. His only response was a grateful hum as he tucked his legs up onto the sofa and you shuffled to make as much room for him as you could. You were slightly falling off the end of the sofa, getting cramp in your toes as you put your weight into your left foot to keep yourself in place. The armrest was digging into your hip and it should have been uncomfortable.

And yet, it wasn’t. Not when you lightly scritch-scratched at his scalp and he turned further into you, the curve of his nose pressing into your knee. Comfort wrapped itself around you like a warm blanket and you could only hope he was swathed in it too.

“Sleep,” you mumbled a few moments later, “I’ll wake you when we land.”

Silence. A rustle of fabric as he brought his arm up from his side, graced your knee with a feather-light squeeze then let his hand rest against your knee, right by his nose. A relieved exhale.

Twenty minutes passed. His breaths were deep and even, bordering on a snore every once in a while. Your fingers hadn’t stilled their dance through his hair, although they had slowed down in time with the rise and fall of his chest. Your neck ached and your heart did too.

Emily crept over with some paperwork after another ten. You reached over and took it with a nod and a smile, grateful that she kept silent too as she returned to her seat next to Derek. There was a little nudging and whispering as she sat back down, Dave turning in his seat to glance back at the two of you sporting a smirk that spoke volumes. No matter, as long as Spencer’s shoulder kept digging into your thigh for the rest of eternity.

It was tricky to complete the paperwork over his head without anything to lean on except your own hand. Another worthwhile sacrifice. Cases like this one were difficult for everyone. It was the type of case that set up camp in your mind in preparation for the nightmares that it would guest star in for the weeks to come. When you relayed that analogy to Spencer a few months ago, he’d laughed. Only someone who understood the feeling could laugh like that.

“Sorry I crashed on you,” Spencer spoke up just as you were forging his signature on a document that you’d all have to sign in time. He’d done it for you before, an unspoken agreement to save each other time.

(it was similar to the unspoken agreement to care when no one else had the time to, or the silent pact to share ‘good morning’ muffins whenever they were available, or the wordless understanding that he was your person and you were his)

You glanced down at him and were surprised to see that he’d rolled to lie on his back, just to stare up at you. Your hand was, embarrassingly, still carding through his hair each time you placed your pen between your teeth to read something through and you couldn’t imagine the angle he was staring from was your most flattering. Still, his eyes sparkled under the overhead aeroplane lights, which you wouldn’t have thought possible. It was likely a matter of perspective.

“Don’t be,” you waved him away, focusing your attention back on the paper in your hand before you gave it all away. Your hand fell limp in his hair, if only because you were too stubborn to remove it. Removing it now, after all, would only be an obvious admission of something you had been failing to hide for months now, “I’ve been told I have a comfy lap.”

“By whom?”

“Cats, mostly.”

He huffed a small laugh that travelled right the way up your spine.

“Cats are intelligent,” he mused quietly, resting his hands on his stomach, one on top of the other. A grounding technique that made you blink, “You can’t be comfortable though, doing paperwork like this.”

“What can I say? I’m a generous person.”

He hummed in lieu of an answer, but you could tell he felt guilty for the position he’d put you in. If only he could see that you were practically hanging off the seat, see the ridge that the armrest was definitely imprinting into your side, then he’d really feel guilty, but of course, that was the last thing you wanted him to feel.

(of course, there was also a part of you that dreamt of apologies whispered into your skin, of fingers skimming over fabric, of delicate kisses pressed to your hip-bone. of a guilt that melts away with each murmured confession of adoration. of a blissful atonement for a sin you’d already forgiven)

“Honestly, Spence, you’re fine. I would’ve moved you if I was uncomfortable.”

And you would have moved by now if you really felt that bad, you thought to yourself, relishing in the fact that he hadn’t moved yet, that you could still feel his gaze on your chin as you pretended to skim over the words on the page, once, twice, once again.

“You want me to take over paperwork duty?”

“I told you to sleep,” you said instead, “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I did sleep, for at least 30 minutes, which we both know is good for my standards.”

His rebuttal was punctuated by his hands both reaching up, making grabbing motions towards the stack of papers you were pouring through. Knowing how much faster he would be at getting through whatever was left, you heaved the pile into his hands with a sigh and watched as he held them up in front of his face and began reading, blocking your view of him entirely. It was impossible not to feel cheated.

When he reached a section he had to write in, he held his hand up for a pen. You gave him one from your jacket pocket rather than the one that had been in your mouth, knowing that he would be grateful if he knew. When he’d finished scribbling, you’d take the pen back from him, lean your head against the headrest until the cycle repeated. Occasionally he shuffled his head in your lap and your hand would slide a little further into his hair, but nothing was said. You took it as a cue to stay right where you were.

As expected, he finished the paperwork far sooner than you would have done. When he reached behind his head to put it on the table next to you, you took it from him before he could pull a muscle in his shoulder and he muttered his thanks. Now you could see him again, it was difficult to fight off a smile. Maybe the paperwork in the way had been more beneficial than you thought.

Briefly, you wondered how many of your signatures he’d forged in the documents he’d gone through, wondered how much better he was at forgery than you, but you didn’t check the paperwork in case he thought you were checking his work was up to par.

“You just saved me an hour’s work,” you sighed happily, “My angel once again.”

It was a nickname that had stuck around. From the time he’d shared his muffin around a month ago, you couldn’t shake the sentiment off. Not only had you grown closer - bolder - in that time, you’d also adjusted your language accordingly. Angel made a regular appearance, if only to bring the dusty pink to his cheeks that you treasured.

“It’s nothing, you know that,” he insisted, that very same pink blooming up his neck as you basked in the glow, “Besides, you’d done half already.”

He was being ridiculously kind, because you’d be surprised if you’d made it a third of the way through. There was no use arguing it, because compliments were far from Spencer’s strong suit and you’d already got the upper hand using the word angel. Better to agree to disagree.

“Thank you anyway,” you decided would be a good compromise, and from the smile on his face as he stared up at you, it seemed he agreed. It was funny that agreeing to disagree with Spencer mostly just felt like being on the same book, same page, same line. Unfortunately, you couldn’t quite tell exactly which word he’d gotten to, because if you did, you might have kissed him a long time ago.

(and goodness had you thought about it enough times)

When he abruptly sat up from his place in your lap, you suppressed your whine of disapproval as best you could, but there was still a small noise of disappointment that you couldn’t contain. He smiled at the sound, face the right way up now with lines and grooves in all the right places, around his eyes, his mouth, his cheeks. Smile lines are notoriously pretty on people whose smiles are the highlight of your very existence.

“I’m not as comfy as you thought, hm?” you teased, mainly to prevent him from seeing any of the hurt shining in your eyes. He saw it anyway.

“Nope,” he said easily, already sliding all the way over to the other side of the sofa, each inch of distance deepening your frown, “Now I, on the other hand, have it on far better authority that I provide a comfortable lap experience.”

“And whose authority would that be?”

“Henry, of course, and I know you trust his judgement above all others. Come on.”

He actually patted his lap and the swooping of your chest was enough to make you slightly lightheaded.

“Are you sure?”

He gave you a withering look that gave you no choice but to scoot over towards him. Lying down, you mirrored his previous position as your head came to tentatively rest in the little dip between his thighs, as near to his knees as you could get without becoming uncomfortable. He was unspeakably warm and it seeped into your very soul.

“Better?”

“You’re not that comfy.”

A lie. Blatant to both parties as you snuggled into him a little more, allowing his leg to take the weight of your neck. Before you knew it, his hand was resting in your hair too and even though you knew it wasn’t as soft as his, you hoped it was enough. It didn’t move, save for the sporadic slow sweep of his thumb through the strands, but it didn’t matter. He was always more than enough, after all.

“Sleep. I’ll wake you when we land.”

His words were an exact repeat of your own. There was no chance of a long sleep, not with your nerve endings flaring at each and every point of contact between the two of you, but there was also no use arguing. Rest, in place of sleep, was better than nothing. You smiled up at him one last time before closing your eyes, drifting into a half-slumber that consisted mostly of vague musings about the individual notes of his cologne.

Occasionally, when you simply couldn’t help yourself, you’d open one eye, maybe even two, and peek up at him. He looked ethereal, even from this angle. It was likely a matter of perspective.

(it just so happened that spencer thought you looked positively celestial from all twenty seven of the angles he had painstakingly catalogued into his memory. that was likely a matter of perspective too)

---

if you made it this far, thank you for reading! i’m not currently tagging people, since i was away for a while and i don’t want to tag people who are no longer interested - if you would like to be tagged in my fics from now on, send in an ask and i can add you to a main taglist or a character-specific one <3

[projectjasper]

For the @mistletoinks Secret Santa event, a gift for @class2clown

Mostly to Yourself: an OhmFong fic

Ohm and Fong have liked each other for years, but neither of them confessed, too scared of being rejected and absolutely sure that the other didn’t reciprocate. Until one day (or rather, night), when some much-needed help came from a surprisingly insightful friend.

Ohm, Fong Phuak, and Tine were sitting in the uni’s cafeteria. The latter three were passionately discussing something Ohm couldn’t focus on. Instead, he was focused on Fong, who was sitting in front of him. He was carefully studying the other boy’s features, paying attention to the way the crinkles around his eyes that appeared whenever he smiled made him even prettier than usual (if that was even possible). The sun looking through the tall cafeteria windows seemed to land on Fong in a very special way – how else could Ohm explain the fact that the natural light reflecting off of Fong’s skin made him look glowing and unbearably pretty, while it did nothing to Ohm, except for maybe blinding him.

Suddenly, Ohm noticed someone staring at him. With some reluctance, he had to look away from Fong to Tine, who gave him a knowing smile. Ohm silently cursed every person in the world, who was in love and could thus easily recognize anyone else consumed by the same feeling. “You look at him the way I look at Wat,” Tine told him a month ago when confronting him about his feelings. At first, Ohm was worried that he was being obvious, but he soon realized that neither Fong nor his other friend had even suspected anything.

“What are you so afraid of?” Tine asked him then. How quickly people forget their insecurities when they are no longer relevant. Tine was similarly agitated about Sarawat’s feelings just a year ago, but it had all been forgotten now. However, the truth was that Ohm was even more agitated than Tine had been back then. And it was because Fong was entirely out of his league. He was beautiful and witty and wise and smart, but Ohm couldn’t help but have a crush on him anyway. He had been living with it for almost a year now, but the farther he went, the more he realized that he had probably liked him ever since they first met back in high school. How hard it was to distinguish the strong platonic feelings one had for his best friend and the possible romantic feelings one had for that very same friend. How much harder it was when said friend was also a guy, and the perception of a relationship between two men that society forced on you was so far from reality.

He had to drift out of his thoughts upon hearing his name called with the kind of annoyance that indicated it having been spoken a few times already. “Ohm, Earth to Ohm!” Phuak said, waving his hand in front of his face.

“Yes, what?” Ohm asked, blinking rapidly.

“Wanna go clubbing with us tonight or not?”

Ohm thought for a moment, throwing a glance at Fong. On the one hand, when you like someone – proximity is of essence, regardless of how they feel about you. On the other hand, the idea of seeing the person you like leaving with someone else would make anyone feel miserable, and that happening was a possibility, after all.

“No”, Ohm finally decided.

“Why not?” Fong spoke up, surprised.

Ohm turned to him and looked him in the eyes for a moment, before deciding on staring at his own hands instead. “I’m just a bit tired today, that’s all”.

“Oh, alright then,” Fong responded, sounding almost disappointed, and Ohm was ready to smack himself for all the wishful thinking that his brain managed on a daily basis.

Tine bailed as well since he and Sarawat both had a free evening and wanted to spend it together, which meant that Fong and Phuak ended up going to the club just the two of them. Fong thought about going home too since he didn’t enjoy clubbing that much lately and the only reason he had agreed in the first place was the possibility of spending time with Ohm. But, being the good friend that he was, Fong couldn’t in good conscience leave Phuak alone, so he agreed to go. His friend, however, noticed his initial reluctance and complete disinterest, when they got to drinking in the club.

“Fong, are you ok?” he asked with some note of concern.

“Yeah,” Fong gave him a weak smile. “Why?”

“Because I can see you’re not, but asking is the polite thing to do,” he responded, putting his drink down, clearly ready for a serious conversation.

Fong sighed, contemplating whether he should tell him or not. It wasn’t that he thought Phuak wouldn’t understand him or that he would judge him. It was just that pouring one’s heart out was always hard.

“Fine,” he said finally. “Can you keep a secret?”

“Sure,” his friend shrugged casually in response.

“Ok, this is important, so you have to promise this will stay between us”.

“Cross my heart,” Phuak nodded, jokingly drawing a cross over his chest with his finger.

“Alright then, here goes nothing I guess,” Fong said, nervously playing with his hands. “I like Ohm”.

“Ok,” Phuak responded simply.

“Ok?” Fong exclaimed, almost offended. “I just told you I like my best friend, our best friend, and that’s all you have to say?”

“Well, what do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know!? Maybe a sentence that consists of more than one word?”

“Alright, well. Did you tell him?”

“Did I-” Fong stopped and blinked in shock because his friend’s suggestion sounded like confessing was the easiest thing in the world. “Did I tell him? Of course, I didn’t tell him!”

“Why not?”

“Why… what? I can’t just blurt it out, as if I’m saying hello!”

“Why not?” Phuak repeated.

“Because!” Fong exclaimed, and Phuak raised his eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. “Well, he is our best friend. What if I ruin our friendship? Or our entire friend group?”

“You won’t,” Phuak said nonchalantly.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because,” he paused. “Ohm is not stupid enough to stop being friends with you because of this. And you are not the type of person to ruin our friend group by distancing yourself because you might be a little embarrassed”.

Fong sighed in defeat, indicating that his friend was as right as Fong was annoyed by it. He tried to fight back. “But what if he doesn’t like me?”

“Well, how do you know, if he likes you or not?”

“Well, you know him! He’s… Ohm,” Fong said as if the name spoke for itself. “If he likes men at all, he is clearly entirely oblivious to it”.

“You don’t know that, though,” Phuak pointed out. “Maybe he’s not ready to just go off and come out to us, or maybe he just doesn’t want to talk about it. You never know. I mean, a year ago, we were convinced Tine was straight, which seems almost laughable now. Besides, Ohm hasn’t dated anyone for a very long time, and it’s not like there isn’t anyone interested. There must be a reason for that, right?”

Fong sighed again.

“What will I do, when he rejects me, though?”

“If,” Phuak corrected. “If he rejects you”.

“Alright, then what will I do if” – Fong pronounced the word almost mockingly – “he rejects me”.

Phuak looked at him carefully and sighed. “Ok, tell me – how long has this been going on?”

“Like a year,” Fong shrugged. “But I think it started even earlier, I just didn’t realize it back then”.

“So it has been a long time”.

“Yes,” Fong prolonged the word hesitantly, not sure where the conversation was going.

“Now tell me, do you see yourself – realistically – falling out of love with him? Especially not knowing whether he reciprocates or not?”

“I-” there was a pause. “No,” he admitted.

“Then think about it – wouldn’t it be easier, in the long run, to find out what he feels and work with that, instead of pinning for the rest of your life, that little bit of hope constantly at the back of your mind, never letting you go?”

Fong was silent for a moment, eyeing Phuak curiously. He wouldn’t say that he was thinking his friend’s words over – he knew Phuak was right three minutes ago, and he got more and more convincing with each sentence. It was more the fact that he was talking with the conviction of someone, who was talking about himself.

“You are surprisingly insightful today,” Fong pointed out carefully.

“No-no-no,” Phuak shook his head. “This conversation is about your messy love life, not mine”.

“Oh, so your love life is messy?” he asked, grinning mischievously.

“Oh, is that how you wanna play?” Phuak smiled in response, taking out his phone. “Ok then, I guess I gotta call Ohm and tell him how in loooove you are with him”.

“You dickhead!” Fong exclaimed, trying to take Phuak’s phone out of his hands. Both eventually gave up, laughing uncontrollably.

Fong ended up staying with Phuak until the early hours of the morning, realizing that his friend’s reasons for coming to the club were more serious than just having a fun evening. Whoever he was trying to get over, it was bad. Fong was now determined to find out, which of his friends he’d share his fate with – Phuak’s or Tine’s.

Ohm woke up the next morning with a headache worse than Phuak and Fong had combined. He became more and more restless every day, and that particular night he only managed to sleep for three hours. During that sleepless night, he finally decided to get over it. He had been pinning for Fong for far too long, and – being sure it wasn’t going anywhere – decided he needed to move on.

That was easier said than done, however, so the first small step he decided to take was to focus a little more on his studies. He had to admit, he had not cared for studying since he was seven, so this was a big change both for him and his friends. But, ignoring the confused looks the trio was throwing at him, he buried himself in homework, which was – among other things – a perfect excuse to put some much-needed distance between him and Fong.

This was absolutely infuriating to Fong, who had just decided to finally confess his feelings only to not get the slightest chance to speak to Ohm alone for the entire week. He got a tiny bit bolder the next couple of days, actively asking Ohm if he had a minute to talk, but was always refused with some stupid excuse. Fong was a rather patient person, but even he had his limits.  

So, when the four friends were coming out of the faculty building after class on a Friday afternoon, Fong – ever so determined – breached the subject again.

“Hey, Ohm, do you have a minute to talk now?” he emphasized the last word, trying not to sound annoyed and failing miserably.

“No, actually I-” Ohm started but was quickly cut off.

“You what? Have homework? It’s Friday, Ohm – I’m sure you can do it during weekends,” Fong was getting more and more impatient, the confession now being somehow secondary to his frustration about Ohm’s behavior these past two weeks.

“I-” Ohm began, unsure.

Phuak coughed. “So we will leave you two alone for a second,” he said, giving Tine a meaningful look. The other boy nodded in understanding, and both left, despite Ohm’s pleading eyes.

“Why have you been ignoring me this whole time?” Fong asked after a pause, reaching out to touch Ohm’s arm. The latter jerked away suddenly. An idea flashed through Fong’s head and he felt himself getting angry. “Listen, if I am actually that obvious and you have figured everything out, that is no reason to treat me like shit!”

Ohm looked at him, confused at the meaning of the sentence and taken aback by Fong’s tone.

“Oh, so now you don’t have any excuses, huh!? I guess I hit the nail on the head then.”

Fong was about to turn around and leave when Ohm grabbed his wrist. “Wait, Fong! I-” he shook his head. “I’m kind of confused, what are you even talking about?”

Fong blinked rapidly, realizing his mistake. “N- nothing,” he stuttered. Ohm looked at him disappointed, clearly understanding his friend is hiding something.

“Oh, don’t you give me that look!” Fong exclaimed, exasperated. “I’m not the one who’s been avoiding you this whole time”.

“Ok, fine,” Ohm sighed. “I have been avoiding you, and I’m sorry. But I can’t tell you why.”

Fong threw his hands up in the air out of frustration. “Who even says that?”

“As I said, I’m sorry.”

“That’s not enough, though Ohm! At least-” Fong looked down, hurt. “At least tell me what I’ve done wrong. Maybe I can fix it, maybe I can-”

“Don’t- don’t blame yourself. This is not your fault. I’m the one, who fucked up”.

“Well, what have you done!? I promise, I won’t be mad or disappointed or anything, I just… I really wanna know, okay?” Fong looked at Ohm with the saddest, most desperate eyes he had ever seen. Ohm breathed out and looked down.

“If I tell you, it will change things. Forever.”

“What things? What will it change?”

“This,” Ohm pointed at both of them. “Us, our friendship, probably our entire friend group, I will ruin it all”.

Fong felt like someone stuck a knife between his ribs, his own words from the night at the club two weeks ago repeated back to him. Could it be? Could he…

“Tell me,” Fong nodded. “Maybe… maybe it will be a good change”.

Ohm took a step back, wide-eyed and shaking his head. “No, no I can’t”.

“Ok,” Fong took a confident step forward. “Then I will tell you what I’ve been trying to talk to you about this whole time”. Ohm visibly relaxed upon realizing he was no longer being interrogated.

There was a pause before Fong continued speaking. “I like you,” he said, and Ohm froze in place. “Actually, I think I more than like you. I think I’m in love with you and I have been for a very long time. And I’m sorry if I’m saying something wrong here and I know I might be ruining things now, but I just had to-”

Fong was interrupted by Ohm pulling him close and kissing him. It was a bit awkward, their teeth knocking against each other pretty hard, but neither of them cared.

“You absolute idiot,” Ohm said, when they pulled away, burying his face in Fong’s chest. “Why didn’t you tell me anything!? I haven’t been able to sleep for days!”

“Well, why didn’t you tell me anything?” Fong said, trying to sound as annoyed as possible and failing miserably, a huge smile beaming on his face.

“Well, you know,” Ohm said, suddenly embarrassed. “I’m me and you are you”.

Fong was almost offended by that. “You are you! Exactly!” he exclaimed, looking at Ohm in adoration. “You are beautiful and funny and smarter than anyone gives you credit for and so kind and nice to your friends and-”

“Ugh,” Ohm groaned, rolling his eyes as if tired of the compliments. “Just kiss me again, you absolute cheeseball”.

And so he did. They shared many kisses that evening, only pausing for quick confessions, getting comfortable with saying “I love you” over and over again.

There would be many evenings like that to come.  

[gb-fics]

A Dog’s Life

Fanfiction:

Kiryuuin Shou x Kyan Yutaka (Golden Bomber)

Note: This fic is for the song “Inu ja aru mai shi” and that one gave me a real headache. The tone is quite serious for a change and there is a big warning! for this one, because it’s explicit and, uhm, a little harder. Of course, it’s all completely consensual, but the overall “animal” theme was too inviting to not  get a bit rough ^-^

“So, is that offer still standing?”, Shou wanted to know and reached out to touch the back of Yutaka’s hand lightly, as the van pulled up in front of his apartment building.

Shou had lowered his voice, although both Kenji and Jun knew what was going on between him and Yutaka since the very beginning. Even the staff members had figured their part, dropping them off together often enough. Still, Shou considered it to be basic decency to not trumpet their evening plans in front of everyone.

Yutaka pulled back his hand from Shou’s touch.

“I offered to go out for dinner”, Yutaka pointed out rather flatly.

“Yeah, but when you said dinner …” Shou’s voice trailed off.

Yutaka threw him a quick side glance. His hair had gotten a little out of shape, since he had pushed it back from his face violently once the recording was done. He squinted his eyes slightly.

“Fine”, he agreed after a moment’s hesitation.

Shou tried not to look too eager as he got out of the van behind Yutaka and waved his goodbyes quickly. There was something about long working days, that made him even more excited to finally get home and well, treat himself a little. He tried to keep his mind on other things, but he felt slightly aroused already anyway, just because he knew what was going to happen as soon as they entered the apartment.

“We could still go for dinner”, Yutaka pointed out as the white van drove off and he fumbled for his keys to let them into the building. They usually met at Yutaka’s place. Shou preferred it, if he was the one to leave afterwards. “There is a new sushi place around here. I was meaning to try it.”

“It’s fine”, Shou said, gesturing for Yutaka to open the front door, who was still waiting for Shou to change his mind. “I will eat when I get home.”

“Wow”, Yutaka said and pulled on the door to hold it open for Shou. “You can’t wait to get away and we didn’t even get started yet. That’s a new record.”

Shou shrugged uncomfortable.

He was aware that he was hurting Yutaka with his coldness, but he didn’t know how else to keep him at bay. He was bothered by Yutaka’s constant tries to get closer to him. It was, as if Yutaka couldn’t see at all, that it would be best for both of them to keep an emotional distance – for safety reasons.

“I don’t know why you are causing such a fuss”, Shou muttered, while climbing the stairs to Yutaka’s apartment on the first floor. “Doing this is good for both of us. It’s stress relief, satisfying a physical need. Don’t ruin it.”

Yutaka sighed and fumbled with his keys again.

“I’m not saying we should stop having sex”, he said. “I’m just saying it would be nice to have dinner sometime as well. Or watch a movie together or something.”

Shou knew why he was saying that. Because that was what humans did. After several years, after kissing and touching, after being friends for so long – there should be more. Humans formed complicated bonds with each other, that weren’t just about spending time together. It was about taking on responsibility, about things that should be said and things that needed to stay unspoken not to hurt each other unintentionally.

If Shou went for dinner with Yutaka, it wouldn’t just be dinner. It would mean that Yutaka expected Shou to text him regularly, it would mean Shou wasn’t allowed to see other people anymore. And those were just the simple things. There were more complicated issues. Sometimes, Yutaka might expect him to hold his hand and other times he would expect Shou to give him space. He would expect Shou to notice when he had a bad day without saying anything and Shou would have to comfort him without knowing how.

It was how relationships worked, but Shou had never gotten quite used to getting close to other humans. He never knew when was the right time to speak up and when he was expected to stay silent. He couldn’t tell when he was supposed to be gentle with someone and when to keep his distance. He was bad at getting people to like him, because every little gesture had him overthinking until he didn’t know how to act anymore at all.

At times, Shou wished he was born a dog or a monkey. Life seemed easier that way. Other dogs and other monkeys wouldn’t expect him to follow complicated rules or want him to say the right things at the right moment. He would be allowed to follow his instincts freely, without constantly being afraid of hurting someone.

With Yutaka especially, Shou wanted to follow his instincts. Because if it was about love, it was too complicated for him and he would end up hurting both of them, if he tried. With Yutaka especially, Shou did not want to be human.

“We hang out at work all the time already”, Shou said harshly. “We should just try to have some fun, instead of wearing each other out with our constant presence.”

Yutaka unlocked the front door to his apartment and stepped inside. Shou followed him.

“I actually like spending time with you”, Yutaka said.

“I like having sex with you”, Shou said and shut the door behind himself.

He stripped off his shoes and got out of his jacket.

“I just don’t like the way we do it”, Yutaka said. “On tour or after shootings or broadcasts and then you leave. It feels like it’s part of work for you.”

And that was, what Shou dreaded about humans. They had to make everything complicated. Even if they were not dating, their relationship was difficult and tied in with expectations and hurt. Shou wished he could go back to the days before he turned twelve, when he still hadn’t seen the mechanism through. He had been happier before realizing he was constantly failing to meet someone’s expectations in him.

“After work is when I need the relief the most”, he said coldly. “On my free days, I’m fine with just porn.”

“Really flattering”, Yutaka muttered.

He was getting more and more reluctant about their whole affair recently. Shou felt like Yutaka was still blaming him for his last breakup. Shou was to blame, partly. He shouldn’t have come on to Yutaka, while he was in a relationship. It was a rule they had always followed so far. But he had felt so lonely and it had been Yutaka’s decision to pick Shou over his girlfriend. Now, he was pinning his poor choice on Shou, because he felt like he wasn’t receiving enough in return for the sacrifice he had made. Shou had never made any promises, but he still felt guilty for not keeping them.

“Let’s not fight”, Shou said gentler. “It wasn’t meant as an insult. But after a stressful day, you are the only thing that helps me relax. You are the only one who really knows what I like.”

It always came a little surprising to Shou to acknowledge that it was true. Yutaka was the only person, who really understood what Shou wanted and needed from him sexually. Because, in a way, Yutaka was the only sex partner, he had ever opened up to.

It had started with a kiss somewhere in their mid-twenties and Yutaka’s promise that it would help him relax, back when Shou’s experience with sex was pretty poor to begin with. Back then, their relationship had been both greedy and hesitant. It was Shou, who had ended it the first time around. Even after it had ended with the girl, whom he had called it off for, there had been a long pause. First, Yutaka had been in a relationship and then he hadn’t been, but it still seemed as if they wouldn’t pick their fooling around back up. Until Shou had crawled into the hotel bed next to Yutaka naked one night and kissed him as if it had never ended. From then on, it had been a constant on-and-off. Breaks of months, when one of them were seeing someone, or interruptions of weeks that neither of them could really explain. But they had always fallen back onto each other as if it was inevitable and over time, Shou had become bolder and given in to his curiosity. It was Yutaka, who had helped him figure out what he really liked in bed, because after all those years, Shou had no longer been scared to ask. He had never dared to confess his preferences to any of his girlfriends. That side of him belonged only to Yutaka, because it was Yutaka, who had helped him discover it in the first place.

“You know I feel bad, treating you that way”, Yutaka said softly.

Shou knew indeed that Yutaka would have preferred for things to go differently between them. He wanted to go for dinner with Shou and he wanted to be tender with him, for the same reason he had left his girlfriend, the moment Shou asked him to.

“But it’s what I want”, Shou replied, just as quietly.

Sometimes, he felt ashamed for it, but he tried not to be. Shame was a very human emotion. Because shame was evoked, if you didn’t stick to society’s norms and values. It was part of the reason why Shou didn’t want to fit in with humanity. All those norms were suffocating him.

Yutaka met his eyes for a moment and it was so painful, that Shou almost turned his head away.

Maybe he was less than an animal. Dogs were smart, monkeys were brave. But Shou couldn’t find a way to stop hurting Yutaka that didn’t make him feel scared. On Yutaka’s face, he saw so many conflicting emotions, pain, desire, anger, even joy. When he looked at Shou, Shou saw all the things which Yutaka wanted him to be, which he hoped him to be, which he feared him to be. Interacting with humans was difficult. A relationship was never just one thing, but a tight-up web of all its possibilities.

It was Yutaka, who looked away first.

He lowered his gaze and took a step towards Shou, who was still standing in the entrance corridor.

Shou’s stomach clenched with excitement. He despised himself a little for how much he wanted it.

Without warning Yutaka grabbed him by the shoulders and drove him back against the front door. Shou hissed sharply as his back collided with the door, a sudden pain jolting through his shoulder blades.

Yutaka didn’t let go of his shoulders, but held him in place as he leaned in and kissed Shou on the lips hard.

Shou loved the way Yutaka kissed him. Most of the time, it was hard and forceful, but sometimes, it was surprisingly gentle, too. Somehow, Yutaka always seemed to guess exactly what it was that Shou needed. Today, his kiss was greedy.

Shou parted his lips, allowing his body to grow weak and letting Yutaka take control. His arms were dangling down by his side. He would have loved to touch Yutaka, to slide his hand under his shirt or to run his fingers through his hair, but he knew that he wasn’t allowed to. It was part of the game to let Yutaka decide just how much Shou could touch him.

Yutaka broke the kiss, running his hand down Shou’s side. He knew that he didn’t need to use physical force to make Shou stand still. They had agreed on this a long time ago. It was Yutaka’s duty to give orders and Shou’s duty to follow them. If he was quite honest with himself, Yutaka seemed to struggle more with fulfilling his part.

His hand reached Shou’s crotch now. His fingers ran across the fabric of his jeans so lightly, Shou could hardly sense the touch.

“Hm, already hard”, Yutaka observed and Shou felt his cheeks heating up.

After all this time, he still felt embarrassed about how excited he got, as soon as Yutaka took over being in charge. It wasn’t like he needed this kind of treatment. He got pretty excited without it, too. He had never asked any of his ex-girlfriends to boss him around and he had led more or less fulfilling sexual relationships with all of them. Even with Yutaka, it was usually a lot tamer while they were touring and the fans kept him distracted and happy. But there was something about long working hours and wondering, if they were even heading into the right direction with their new projects and a constant pressure to make the right decision for everyone, that caused Shou to crave total submission at the end of the day. After being tense for so long, entrusting himself into Yutaka’s care was the most arousing thing he could imagine.

Yutaka leaned back a little and smirked at him. There was something wicked about his smile, that always showed whenever Shou got embarrassed, as if Yutaka was pleased with his reaction. It had taken Shou years to figure out why exactly that smile turned him on so much.

Reaching down Yutaka closed his hand around Shou’s wrist firmly and stepped back, pulling Shou with him by the arm rather violently. Shou nearly stumbled, trying to keep up with Yutaka, as he dragged him towards the bedroom. The way from the front door right into Yutaka’s bedroom was the one that Shou knew best in this apartment.

Only there did Yutaka let go of him and Shou rubbed his wrist, that felt sore from Yutaka’s tight grip.

Yutaka ignored the reproachful gesture completely and reached down to unbutton Shou’s jeans. Shou felt his heartbeat picking up pace. He liked it, when Yutaka gave him the silent treatment. He liked not knowing what was going to happen next.

Usually, Shou planned everything through. The tour, the release dates, hell, he preferred to have a time table for making his breakfast. It made him feel safe to be able to plan ahead. If there was an uncertainty in his schedule, it filled him with dread and his skin started to feel uncomfortable hot and his throat seemed to tighten and he needed to remind himself to breathe.

And with Yutaka, it was similar. Even now, not knowing what would happen next made Shou slightly anxious. He could feel his body reacting by growing itchy and nervous, but having to fight down the panic made him excited, too, because he knew that he could trust Yutaka. With him around, pushing his own comfort boundaries wasn’t that scary, because Shou knew that Yutaka would put Shou’s wellbeing above everything else.

Instead of pulling down his pants, Yutaka now grabbed Shou’s upper arm to make him turn around, then he shoved him in the back so hard, that Shou fell onto the bed face down. He just managed to raise his arms to soften the collision with the mattress.

Motions like this always felt like a rehearsed choreography or maybe like a dance. Shou knew that the push alone would probably not have been enough to make him stumble, but it had enough force behind it to not leave Shou much of an option but to follow Yutaka’s lead without fighting back actively.

He was now lying flat on his stomach, his feet still touching the floor.

Yutaka put his palm between Shou’s shoulder blades, leaning onto him with his weight to hold him down. Shou’s body sunk deeper into the sheets under the pressure.

With the other hand, Yutaka reached for Shou’s pants, jerking them down so violently that it made Shou wince, because the fabric rubbed against his erection painfully.

“Stay down”, Yutaka ordered hoarsely, then the weight from Shou’s back disappeared.

Shou pressed his face into the bedsheets, lifting his legs obediently as Yutaka pulled both the jeans and his underwear over his angles.

The fact that his lower body half was fully exposed while he was still wearing a shirt, made Shou feel even more naked. He felt weirdly reduced to his function as a sexual object, but that was exactly what he wanted. He’d actually prefer it, if it was just about the sex for Yutaka, too.

As if he wanted to punish him for that thought, Yutaka slapped his hand across Shou’s bare butt. The burning sting came so surprisingly, that Shou let out a betraying hiss at the sudden pain.

Behind him Yutaka chuckled. Although he never seemed to enjoy hurting Shou, he always sounded gleeful, when Shou wasn’t able to hide his reactions.

“It’s cute when you make that noise”, he observed.

Prepared for the second blow Shou gritted his teeth. He still couldn’t keep a small, lustful moan from escaping him. Once more, he felt slightly embarrassed for how turned on he sounded while getting spanked, although Yutaka knew perfectly well how much Shou liked it. In fact, Yutaka was the only person who knew.

“Nah”, Yutaka said and Shou heard him flick his tongue. “You can do that a little louder, can’t you?”

He slapped him once more, so fiercely that Shou’s butt cheek would remain burning for a little while longer. This time, Shou did not suppress his voice, but moaned loudly, pressing his face into the sheets, so the sound came out muffled.

Yutaka gave an appreciating hum, then he walked over to the bedside table.

Shou turned his head to follow him with his eyes. He felt a little disappointed that Yutaka wasn’t going to continue.

“What, that was it?”, he assured as Yutaka got out a pack of condoms from the drawer. He looked over the shoulder to throw Shou a quick gaze.

“You were the one you couldn’t wait to get away”, he reminded him. His tone of voice was mocking, but Shou heard the spite beneath it anyway. “I’m just going to fuck you now, so I can get to eating. I’d take my time, if we had dinner first.”

Shou rolled his eyes.

“If we had dinner first, you’d eat so much, you’d be too full to do anything but nap”, he teased him.

“Get down”, Yutaka changed the topic, putting Shou in his place with a short nod.

Shou had gotten up on his elbows to be able to watch Yutaka move around.

With a quiet sigh Shou lay down flatly again, his face down so he wasn’t able to look at Yutaka anymore. He knew he was being punished for trying to joke it off.

Behind himself he heard footsteps and then the clattering of a belt being unbuckled.

“Hold on”, he said and tried to turn his head again without raising it. It didn’t really work and he couldn’t see what Yutaka was doing. “You were serious? No more foreplay? No more preparation?”

“You wish”, Yutaka said and now he definitely sounded gleeful.

Without saying anything else he walked up behind Shou and a moment later, Shou could sense Yutaka’s hard dick pressing against his butt.

Shou inhaled sharply. He could already feel the tip against his opening clearly and for a second, he considered to beg Yutaka to wait, because his body didn’t feel ready yet to take him in. But then, begging would have been against the rules.

Not that they had ever put anything down formally, but they had talked about it. Shou knew from experience, that if he asked Yutaka to stop or to slow down, he would do so without arguing and without getting annoyed. But it was Shou’s obligation to take as much as he could, before giving up. It was part of the game to let Yutaka push him just a little bit further than he felt comfortable with. If he gave up every time it got slightly inconvenient, there wouldn’t be much of a point to this. Yutaka respected it, when Shou asked him to stop, because he knew that Shou would only ask, if there was really no way, he could take it. It was part of their deal and they had to trust each other to stick to it. Yutaka trusted Shou to try his best and Shou trusted Yutaka not to force more of him.

And Shou knew that he was able to take Yutaka in without preparation. They often skipped on it during tour, when they had sex pretty regularly anyway. And Yutaka’s penis wasn’t even that big, which also made it easier. But it had been almost a week since they had been together for the last time and Shou could already sense the stretch from the head of Yutaka’s dick pressing against him. In general, he wasn’t opposed to a little bit of pain, but …

Yutaka pushed forward and Shou howled at the first stretch, but then he felt his body adjusting and his voice turned into a pleased moan, as he felt the familiar slide.

“Good”, Yutaka praised him, before he started thrusting his hips forward steadily.

Shou clenched his hands into the bedsheets and his eyelids started to flutter as if he had no control over them whatsoever. Yutaka’s movements were just rough enough to add that little extra bit of excitement without the pain making it unpleasant.

Shou moaned unrestrained. Behind him, he heard Yutaka gasp and moan as well.

Shou loved it, when Yutaka fucked him like that. There was something raw and primal about it, and Shou’s entire body felt so good, but he also felt used. And then, he felt like that might be enough. Like maybe the pleasure he brought Yutaka was enough to redeem his existence.

Usually, he felt like he had to prove himself all the time. He needed to write the best songs, so the fans would be happy. He had to earn the most money, so his parents wouldn’t think he was a failure. He had to put the most effort into his looks, so someone would think he was pretty and worthy of love.

Just when he was with Yutaka like this, those things stopped mattering. Because all he had to do to please Yutaka was to follow orders. And those orders weren’t complicated like a girl saying “call me when you are free” and Shou not understanding if she wanted him to call immediately even when he was busy, or when he was free so they could meet up, or wait even if he was free not to seem too desperate. The orders from Yutaka were simple. Stay down. Take off your shirt. Stick out your tongue. There was relief in their simplicity. Even a dog would be able to follow simple orders like that.

Shou felt Yutaka shifting his weight. He propped up one of his knees on the mattress next to Shou, so the angle allowed him to go in deeper. His pace slowed down a bit, but Shou could sense his hot, throbbing dick all the way now and he moaned, trying to squirm a little to rub his own erection against the sheets below him. He was so hard, that it was becoming painful and he just wanted relief. Sometimes, he managed to cum without touching himself, just by creating a rubbing against the sheets and feeling Yutaka inside of him.

Yutaka’s voice was turning hoarser now and Shou assumed that he was close as well, but he grabbed Shou’s hips with one hand, stopping his motions, after obviously guessing Shou’s intent. Shou wondered if he might be able to cum just like that, too.

There was nothing else on his mind. All he could focus on was how good he felt and how he would be able to get himself some sort of relief. He was completely reduced to a physical need and while it lasted, he was convinced, that this was enough. Fucking and sleeping and eating and not proving himself to anyone and not trying to navigate his way through the entangled web of human relationships. When he was with Yutaka, he felt like an animal and like maybe, that was all he needed to be.

Shou tried to move his hips again, pressing them down onto the bed harder, hoping that just the pressure against his hard dick would help him cum already.

But just then, Yutaka pulled back.

Shou let out a low whine, convinced that Yutaka was punishing him for trying to get off without his permission. For a moment, Shou’s hole felt weirdly open and exposed.

Yutaka grabbed his shoulder and guided Shou to roll over.

“Turn around”, he said.

Shou exhaled with relief, realizing that Yutaka was not meaning to deny Shou his orgasm but just wanted to change positions. Shou shouldn’t have been surprised. Yutaka preferred looking at his face while they had sex.

Obediently Shou rolled onto his back, pulling up his legs to allow Yutaka between them without needing further instructions.

Yutaka’s dick slipped in easily this time, since Shou was already loose. Shou moaned when he felt him inside again.

Yutaka looked down onto him.

At first, Shou had been surprised to realize this, but actually, he also preferred looking at Yutaka’s face while they had sex.

Because his face changed whenever they were together like this.

Usually, Yutaka looked at him with a mixture of pain and longing and anger and affection and a lot of other things that Shou could not quite pin down. But during sex, all he saw on Yutaka’s face was desire. His expression turned grimmer and his eyes seemed darker somehow. And Shou could tell, that Yutaka wanted him so much, that he didn’t care if Shou would stay afterwards and he didn’t care if he would be hurt and if they would ever have dinner together at a nice restaurant. During sex, all the human emotions and worries and thoughts seemed to disappear from Yutaka’s mind and he turned into an animal with only one craving. While they had sex, Shou wanted Yutaka and Yutaka wanted Shou and for a short while, that was all there was to it.

Shou loved looking at Yutaka’s animal side, because then, for a little bit, everything became easy and Yutaka wasn’t disappointed in him. During sex was the only time, that Shou actually managed to please him and live up to what he expected from him. That was why he loved following Yutaka’s orders. That was why he loved being used by him. That was why he loved meeting his eyes during sex. For a short while, Shou was not failing him.

Yutaka grabbed Shou’s leg, forcing it up a little higher to change his angle. He was pounding him harder now and Shou was trembling all over, gasping for air and his body feeling hot and blissful.

Yutaka gave him a short nod.

“Go ahead”, he said breathlessly. “Touch yourself, if you want to.”

Relieved Shou reached down and closed his hand around his own cock, stroking himself. He tried to match Yutaka’s pace, but didn’t really manage anyway. His own movements were jerky and imprecise. He felt so good, though, and he enjoyed the way Yutaka looked down on him, watching Shou stroking himself with greed and obvious arousal.

Shou moaned loudly as the orgasm hit him and Yutaka kept pounding him through it. For a second, it felt like his body was going to burst with sensations, but then it just washed over him and he only felt good.

Yutaka pulled back with a last groan and then stepped back from between Shou’s legs.

Shou put them down immediately, his whole body feeling sweaty and sore and he just wanted to lie on his back and rest. He pushed himself a little farther onto the bed, closed his eyes and waited for his breath to even out.

After a moment, Yutaka sat down next to him and gently started to clean Shou up. Shou did not dare to open his eyes. Yutaka’s touch felt so careful and tender, Shou was scared of the way Yutaka might look at him.

Eventually, Yutaka lay down next to Shou, his breath still coming heavy. Shou could hear it clearly in the silence of the room.

Yutaka reached out and draped his arm across Shou’s chest.

Shou blinked lazily and extended his hand to place it on top of Yutaka’s head.

He had been reluctant about cuddling after sex at first, but usually, he was too lazy to get up immediately anyway. And he had figured that Yutaka needed this.

Seemingly encouraged by the touch, Yutaka rolled over and snuggled up against Shou’s side.

Shou adjusted his position, so his hand kept resting against the top of Yutaka’s head. He stroked his hair lightly.

Shou had the feeling that Yutaka was expecting him to say something. He usually turned back to human fast. Faster than Shou, who secretly wished to stay in animal form all the time.

After what Shou deemed the appropriate amount of time to not seem rude, he carefully started to free himself from Yutaka’s embrace to sit up. He never managed to endure his cuddles for longer than a few minutes. Just the amount of time it took him to catch his breath again, really.

“You’re leaving?”, Yutaka assured and he clearly sounded disappointed.

Shou pretended to search the floor for his pants, so he didn’t have to meet Yutaka’s eyes.

“It’s kind of late already”, he observed. “I still need to go home and cook.”

“We could also go over to that sushi place”, Yutaka tried again. “It’s a hassle to cook for yourself once you get home.”

Shou shrugged and pulled up his pants.

He thought of going to a restaurant with Yutaka. Being seen with him in public. Even if no one knew it was a date, Yutaka would assume it was. There was something formal about going out for dinner, that came with a lot of unspoken rules and assumed promises and secret expectations, that Shou was never able to see through. He always kept wondering, if he was doing it right, until he messed up because he had been so busy wondering, that he had missed the part where he was actually supposed to act.

He buttoned his pants.

“No, really”, he said. “I think it’s better if I leave.”

Yutaka, who suddenly seemed to realize that Shou was already fully dressed and therefore on his way out, jumped up.

“I’ll see myself out”, Shou said and walked over to the bedroom door. Somehow, Yutaka seeing him off always made him feel uncomfortable. It had something formal about it, too, as if acknowledging what had just happened between them. Sometimes, Shou wished he would be able to sneak out the door without Yutaka even noticing.

“No, no, wait, I’ll take you to the door”, Yutaka said and fumbled with his pants to pull them up. Though usually, he was quite skilled with his movements, he was being to hasty now and nearly fell over as he tried to get dressed fast enough to walk Shou to the door. It would have looked comical, if it hadn’t been so sad at the same time.

Shou turned his head and walked into the corridor without waiting for Yutaka, because he couldn’t bear to see him try so desperately.

He approached the front door without turning back, although he heard Yutaka come after him, obviously still struggling with his belt.

“Well, maybe another time”, Yutaka called out as Shou reached for the door handle to open the front door.

Shou froze, furrowing his brow.

“What?”, he asked irritated.

“Sushi”, Yutaka added hastily. “Maybe we go another time.”

He sounded scatty now, so different from when they were together in bed. As soon as it wasn’t about sex anymore, their dynamics changed completely. Shou wished he knew how to explain to Yutaka, that it was for the best. That even if he loved him, Shou was not compatible with humans and that it was wiser to keep his distance.

“Maybe”, he said, not knowing how else to spare Yutaka’s feelings. They both knew that it meant no.

Shou pulled open the door and stepped outside, inhaling the fresh air deeply. Whenever he left Yutaka’s place, his throat felt tight and his eyes seemed to be burning with heat. It felt like he was about to cry every time. Maybe his apartment was irritable stuffy.

He pulled the door shut behind himself, so Yutaka wouldn’t have to close it for him. Also, so Yutaka wouldn’t get the idea to come after him. Then he turned towards the staircase.

He didn’t understand why humans had to do this to themselves and to each other. Animals seemed happier. Children seemed happier.

And yet, Shou caught himself craving that special bond, that only humans were able to form among each other. He wanted to fall asleep next to Yutaka. He wanted to go out for sushi with him. He wanted to call him even on his free days and chat about nothing in particular. He wanted to hold his hand sometimes and sometimes give him space. But he was scared that he wouldn’t find the right timing for any of those things.

Shou walked down the stairs, slowly, because his legs still felt tired and his body drained.

But it was him, who had broken the rules first. He had asked Yutaka to be with him, while he was seeing someone. And he had been happy, when Yutaka had ended his relationship with that woman. Because Shou had gotten lonely and he had wanted a relationship with another human being. Not any human being. He had wanted to be with Yutaka, in all the complicated ways that came with getting close to someone.

Shou pushed open the door to the building and stepped outside, but then he hesitated. He couldn’t bring himself to let the door fall shut and lock himself out.

When he thought of coming home, cooking dinner for himself and then falling asleep alone, he almost couldn’t bear it. It was a dog’s life.

And he thought of taking a shower at Yutaka’s place and of watching tv with him and of wrapping his arms around him before falling asleep. And he thought of waking up next to him and he thought of having breakfast together and of Yutaka making fun of how bad his hair looked right after waking up.

And Shou concluded that – in spite of all – he wanted to be human.

He turned around and stared at the stairs for a moment.

Even if it was complicated and even if he would fail, he couldn’t keep going like this. He was hurting himself and he was hurting Yutaka, desperate to keep both of them safe. He was too scared to make a change, when really, he had made it the moment he had asked Yutaka to break up with his girlfriend.

Because it wasn’t just Yutaka, who had complicated feelings. Shou was scared of ruining his relationship with Yutaka, if he tried. He was scared of Yutaka getting tired of him and breaking his heart. He was scared of what the others would say. He was scared if they would be able to keep it a secret from the public permanently. But he was also happy when he met Yutaka at work after being apart from him for a couple of days. He was happy when Yutaka kissed him. He was happy, when there were no separate beds at a hotel during the tour and they had to sleep next to each other. He was happy when Yutaka shouted at him in his joking manner and when he slapped the back of his head.

A dog would never be able to experience that kind of happiness.

Shou inhaled deeply, then he walked the stairs back up.

He wondered if Yutaka would be glad, that he came back. He wondered if Yutaka would be mad, that he had left in the first place.

Shou walked up to the front door of Yutaka’s apartment.

Before he could change his mind, he pressed his finger onto the doorbell and held it for a long time. Then he pulled back and waited.

He waited for so long, that his mouth started to taste weirdly metallic, as if he had run too fast, although he was standing perfectly still.

Finally, the door was opened and Yutaka stood in front of him, naked except for a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was still dry, so Shou assumed he had just stopped him from stepping under the shower.

“Oh, Shou”, Yutaka said softly. “You forgot something?”

Shou forced himself to meet Yutaka’s eyes. And he saw so many things enwritten in them. He saw hope that Shou had changed his mind and come back for him. He saw fear that Shou had indeed just forgotten something and that it meant nothing. He saw anger, both at Shou and at himself, for inflicting the hope. He saw happiness, just because it meant spending a few more moments with Shou. He saw worry and angst and joy and weariness and desire and jealousy and he saw love.

Yutaka had the most human eyes he had ever seen.

“I’m not going to that stupid Sushi restaurant with you”, Shou clarified.

Because a restaurant seemed like another code that Shou didn’t understand. And he wouldn’t know what people expected of him, once he took Yutaka out to a nice dinner. And he wouldn’t know how to handle the glances and the whole situation, that seemed to include so many other humans and all their personal webs of relationships.

He couldn’t get used to humans, but over the years, he had gotten used to Yutaka. He had learned to trust him and he was the only one, with whom Shou felt safe as an animal. If he tried to be human with someone for a change, he wanted to try with Yutaka.

Shou lowered his gaze and smiled shyly.

“But you know, takeout would be fine.”

[lilacmoon83]

Dreaming Out Loud

Dreaming Out Loud

Chapter 27: Dreaming On

David hadn't had a chance yet to tell Emma what he had found in August's room, but figured he should still tell Gold first. He didn't know if August was telling the truth, but decided Gold deserved to know about this development right away. He hurried in the back way and to the front of the shop.

"Did you find anything?" Jefferson asked.

"Oh yeah...I found this in his things," David said, as he placed the drawing of the dagger on the counter. He watched Gold's face go ashen.

"Henry told me what it is and what it does," David said, looking at the pawnbroker.

"He's right...but the dagger is useless without magic," Gold stated.

"Henry said that too, but there's more. He told Henry that he's actually someone named Baelfire," David said, looking at Gold, who was now clutching the counter so tightly his knuckles had turned white.

"Baelfire...your son?" Jefferson asked, but Gold couldn't find his voice.

"So he says...but he sets off Emma's superpower like crazy," David replied.

"Is that really reliable?" Jefferson asked skeptically.

"If Emma thinks he's lying, then he is. About what or how much, we don't know. That's why I think we should be cautious about believing anything he says," David surmised, looking at Gold.

The Dark One knew his ability to be rational when it came to Baelfire was limited and he wanted it to be true, despite knowing the Prince had a very good point.

"Okay...let's say he is Baelfire. Why would your son be looking for the dagger?" Jefferson asked.

"He knows it's the source of my power," Gold replied.

"But there's no magic here...he has to know that," David reminded.

"Something doesn't add up to me," Jefferson added.

"Well...we could set him up to find out if he's really who he says," David suggested.

"How do you propose we do that?" Gold asked curiously.

"We know that he's looking for the dagger, so eventually he's going to come here to look. I say we let him find it," David replied.

"I don't let anyone just handle the dagger," Gold hissed.

"No, but you said it has no power here. Besides, we'll be watching when he does come. He won't have it long. Emma just got something she called security cameras in the mail. She explained to me what they do. She says they have them at the hospital. It's how she knew which way I went the night I woke up," David explained.

"Yeah, we know what security cameras are, chisel chin. But you discovering technology is still cute," Jefferson teased, making David roll his eyes.

"Anyway...he won't have the dagger long once we confront him," David continued.

"If he's a liar, it's probably the only way to get him to come clean...by backing him into a corner," Jefferson agreed.

"Fine...but we do this my way," Gold stated.

"If he isn't your son, I can't let you kill him," David warned.

"There are varying degrees between alive and dead," Gold countered.

"I think that was code for he's gonna kick his ass," Jefferson said.

"If he did lie to Henry, I can probably help you do that," David agreed, as he checked his watch.

"I need to get to the square to help Mary soon. If he shows up…" the prince said.

"I'll call you," Gold agreed, as David left the shop with Jefferson following him a bit later.

Lacey came in soon after that.

"Please tell me we're not going to that lame Miner's Day thing," she drawled. He smirked.

"As landlord to most people in this town, I'm required to make an appearance, but we don't have to stay long," he promised, as he got his coat.

"Good...too much of that bleeding heart stuff makes me nauseous," she complained.

"You and me both," Gold agreed, as he turned out the light and they left the darkened shop.

As school dismissed for the day, Mary started packing up her things, including the candles she had left, and prepared to head directly the square to finish setting up. Leroy stood on a ladder in her room, fixing one of the overhead lights in her classroom that was having a wiring problem. She watched him almost stumble off it, as Sister Astrid arrived and smiled to herself.

"Hello Mary Margaret," she greeted.

"Hello sister...I just want to apologize again that I couldn't sell all the candles," Mary said.

"It's not your fault and we still have a little time left. I've been praying for a miracle to fix my blunder," she replied.

"I do have a confession to make and I hope you don't hate me for it," Mary said with trepidation. Astrid smiled kindly.

"Mary Margaret, you are one of the sweetest, kindest people I know. I could never dislike you, let alone hate you," the nun assured her. She let out a relieved breath.

"Earlier today…Damon Tromera came by my classroom," Mary started to tell her.

"Oh my goodness...are you okay?" Astrid asked in concern. She nodded.

"He got me riled up, but I'm guessing that was probably his intent. I'm not sure what his ploy was, but he offered to buy the rest of the candles. He just scares me so much...I ripped up the check and Stephanie made him leave," Mary confessed.

"You did the right thing," Astrid agreed.

"Did she?" a voice said from the doorway, as they both turned to see Mother Superior standing there with a very cold, scrutinizing stare.

"Mother Superior…" Astrid started to say, but she was ignored.

"Miss Blanchard...the convent is in dire straights and the fact that you turned down a solution to our problem is deeply troubling," she said sternly.

"Mother Superior...that man hurt Mary Margaret and almost killed David. I don't think that is the kind of money we need," Astrid protested.

"Considering you are the reason we are in this predicament, you should be as upset as I am," Mother Superior snapped, as she looked back at Mary Margaret.

"Damon Tromera is a terrible man. I assure you that if he was trying to help, then it was probably to make himself look good for next week's trial," the teacher protested.

"I don't care...you had no right to turn down that money for the convent. We are not too proud to take his money. After all, he is a pillar of the community," she stated. Mary Margaret was appalled.

"A pillar of the community? He owns the sleaziest club in town! Emma says she suspects he's involved illegal things she can't prove! How can you call him a pillar of the community?" the raven haired beauty cried in outrage.

"I would watch your tone, Miss Blanchard. I hardly think someone like you should judge others," the head nun hissed and Mary blanched.

"What does that mean?" she asked.

"It means that I remember when David and Kathryn were married in my church. But instead of trying to make his marriage work, David left her and allowed himself to be seduced by the pathetic woman who visited him every day while he was in a coma," she said harshly and Mary was taken aback by her hostility. She shook her head.

"David is divorced and we love each other. We aren't doing anything wrong," she said.

"Keep telling yourself that, dear," Mother Superior said.

"I'm sure she will, just like you will," Leroy grumbled.

"Excuse me?" Mother Superior snapped, glaring at the handyman.

"Just saying, sister. The gossip around town is that Damon Tromera is dropping cash in the forms of charitable donations all over, including at the hospital and the church," Leroy stated.

"That has nothing to do with this and it's none of your business," Mother Superior snapped.

"So...Damon is buying his way through town in hopes to sway the trial next week," Mary said. It was a hard pill to swallow, but one she wasn't really surprised by.

"The church has many needs and cannot be picky like you, Miss Blanchard," Mother Superior defended.

"Sure...you can take money from a man that runs a club that probably moves drugs and has strippers, but you refuse to recognize David's divorce," Mary said.

"Miss Blanchard…" Mother Superior hissed.

"No...I get it. He throws money everywhere so he gets a pass. But I'm dating a man that's been divorced for years and I'm the tramp. I should be used to that in this town by now," she added sadly.

"I don't have time for this anymore...I need to get to the square and hope that we can earn enough donations to pay our rent, since you decided to throw away the solution to that problem," Mother Superior said, as she stormed out.

"Mary Margaret...I'm so sorry," Astrid apologized. The raven haired beauty sniffed.

"It's okay...it's not your fault. I should have known better than to get my hopes up, you know? Next week, Damon Tromera is going to get away with terrorizing me and David, because he's already probably bought the judge and jury," she sniffed.

"We don't know that," Astrid tried to assure her.

"We kind of do, sister. As much as it sucks, she's right. This whole town is messed up," Leroy deadpanned and received an annoyed look from the nun.

"You're not helping," she chided.

"Come on, let's take the rest of the candles to the square. You never know, we could still get that miracle," the nun tried to encourage the teacher.

"And if we don't, I'm sure Damon will swoop in and save the day in front of the whole town," Mary said, as she took a box and stalked out with it. Leroy watched them go and knew they had no chance of getting that miracle...unless he managed to create one.

Normally, he wouldn't even consider helping another person in this town. But Mary Margaret had always been kind to him when no one else bothered. And Astrid...he had admired and loved her from afar for years. Perhaps...he could make this happen for them and stick it to that rich sleazeball at the same time…

Jefferson milled about the square, trying to make sure it wasn't obvious that he was watching Grace with her foster parents. He ached to have his daughter back and as impatient as he was, he knew they were getting close. The curse was weakening, little by little. The changes were very subtle, but he saw more of them every day. Mary Margaret grew a little bolder each day with David and Emma's influence. Ruby was more conscious of her life choices and was actually getting along with Granny these days. She was much less Ruby and more Red every day. Leroy was here too and that was huge. Finding him anywhere but at the bottom of a bottle was progress, indeed. Regina still had her cronies and supporters, but once the curse broke, that tide would change in an instant. He had never put much faith in leadership, but he was eager to know what a Storybrooke under Snow White and Prince Charming might be like. He knew it meant family and that was enough for him to throw his support behind them once it came time for the battles ahead.

"Well...I'm surprised to see you here. Don't you usually experience everything from behind your telescope?" Regina jabbed, as she sided up to the hatter.

"Things are different this year...as I'm sure you've noticed," he replied, a bit smugly. He wouldn't deny that he greatly enjoyed watching Regina squirm.

"Well enjoy them while you can, because if I have my way, next year will look very different," Regina said through barely contained rage.

"I think it's time you get real, Madam Mayor. Because this can of worms, so to speak, has been blown wide open and you can't just put everything back neatly the way it was," Jefferson warned.

"Oh, we'll see about that, now won't we?" she asked, as she brushed past him. He watched her go and saw her and Emma glare daggers at each other from across the square. The Mayor put her hand firmly on young Henry's shoulder, as if she was trying to make a statement with that one gesture. But what the Mayor didn't seem to understand was that the tighter she gripped Henry, the more he would slip away. His yearning to be with his biological family was growing stronger by the day. He wondered if the Mayor realized that if she were just to let him go that she might find that he would return willingly to her. After all, he knew the boy loved her, despite what she had done. If Regina would just allow him to be with the other people he loved as well, they'd all be happier. It made him wonder why this town, with all its people under her thumb, was really her happy ending. He'd watched the monotony for the last twenty-eight years. It was boring and nothing had happened before Emma came to town, save for when Regina adopted him.

It was that thought that struck him then. He didn't pretend to know a lot about the American adoption system, but it did make him wonder what kind of red tape Gold had to cut through to allow Regina to adopt Henry with no questions asked and no follow up from the supposed Adoption agency. Now there was a question he wanted to ask and he had a feeling, given Gold's current feelings toward their esteemed Mayor, that was a question Gold might be willing to answer.

With the arrival of Mary Margaret, he saw David's face light up and then turn down in concern, as he ensconced her in his arms. It looked like Mary Margaret Blanchard hadn't had a good day at all and wondered if it was about it get worse with Damon Tromera strutting smugly toward the square with Albert Spencer. The electricity in the air with all these opposing forces was volatile and promised fireworks in Storybrooke tonight, for if there was one thing that was true about Storybrooke these days; it was no longer boring.

David smiled, as he saw her, but frowned soon after and pulled her into his arms as she reached him.

"Hey...are you okay?" he asked, as she buried her face in his chest. She found herself breathing in his scent and relishing his arms around her.

"I'm okay now...it just wasn't a very good day," she sniffed and he could tell she had been crying.

"What happened?" he asked. Whoever had made her cry was going to get an earful from him for sure. He hated that there were people that treated her so terribly in this town. He knew most of it was the curse and Regina had managed to turn the opinion of some against her, but he still hated it.

"Tell me…" he pleaded, as he caressed her beautiful face.

"Well...first Damon Tromera showed up at the my classroom," she said, wincing when she saw him go rigid and his eyes shoot toward the man like blue fire.

"He did what?" he growled.

"It's okay...I wasn't alone. I'm not exactly sure what his ploy was, but he tried to buy the rest of the candles, like he was doing me a favor. Stephanie made him leave and I ripped up the check," she replied.

"Of course...we don't need his dirty money. We'll sell the rest of these candles," he assured.

"That's what I told Sister Astrid and she agreed that we couldn't take money from that man. Unfortunately, Mother Superior didn't share our opinion," she said sadly.

"Mary...I don't care what she said, because you did the right thing," he implored. She nodded and sniffed.

"I know...it just still hurts, you know? The names...but I think it hurts more that she refuses to recognize your divorce," she replied.

"Listen...you are not any of those names. You are the woman I love and the woman I'm meant to be with," he said. She smiled and nodded.

"I know...I think I can ignore the names as long as I have you," she replied. He smiled and kissed her tenderly.

"And you do have me…" he promised, as her eyes fluttered open. The festivities commenced and they were still struggling a bit with the candle sales. David nearly lost his cool when Damon strode up to the table and he put his hands on Mary Margaret's shoulders.

"I spoke with Mother Superior and I'm willing to ignore your earlier rejection of my contribution. A simple apology and your money woes will be over. These candles will look lovely in my club," he goaded.

"She doesn't owe you anything and we don't want anything from you," David growled. He smirked smugly.

"It continues to puzzle me why you choose to be with this pretty idiot when I could show you a life of luxury and sophistication with me," Damon goaded.

"You mean the life where you treat me as your possession?" she countered.

"Well...you are a prize for sure," he retorted.

"I love David and he loves me. We don't want anything to do with you, I don't care how many names I am called, but I will never accept anything from you. It would be like making a deal with the devil himself," she retorted back hotly. Damon glared at them both, as David was the one smiling smugly this time, as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Have a good evening, Miss Blanchard," he hissed, as he moved along and she let out a breath of relief.

"You are amazing," he told her, as he kissed her cheek.

"He's just so scary and creepy. He makes my skin crawl," she replied. He kissed her head.

"I know...we'll beat him though," he promised.

"I want to believe that, but Leroy said he's been making donations all over town. The convent, the hospital, every charity there is...David he's buying the jury," she fretted. He hugged her tightly.

"I know...but I still have to believe we can win and even if we don't, he's never touching you again," he replied. She was trying to think that was possible, but from the way her candle sales were going, she was having difficulty. What she didn't notice, however, was that Leroy had climbed onto the roof of hardware store where he had wired all the lighting from.

David saw him and looked at him curiously, but the shorter man simply motioned to the breaker box and held up his wire cutters. David smiled, catching onto to what he had in mind and gave him a thumbs up.

Suddenly, all the lights went dark and he was quick to start lighting candles on their table, giving off a glow. Mary looked at him and he grinned.

"We have candles!" she called and watched in amazement, as people began lining up at her table. Emma smiled, as she took one and stood by the table.

"Great timing for a blackout," she whispered to her dad.

"Well...the bad guys never play fair, so sometimes good has to stack the deck a little," he replied. By the time the line dissipated, they had sold out of the candles and Mary was in awe.

"We did it...we sold them all. We made enough for the rent at the convent!" she exclaimed. He picked her up and spun her around.

"I told you you'd do it," he said, as he kissed her. Her day had gone from bad to worse and then somehow had turned out good. But she could have never known at that moment that it would go from good to fantastic.

"You know...I've been waiting for the perfect moment to ask you a very important question and I don't think I'll ever get a better or a more romantic moment," he mentioned, as the candlelight around them created the perfect glow. She cocked her head to the side, wondering what he meant.

"I love you more than anything and I love making you as happy as you make me. I know the only thing that would make me happier than being your boyfriend...is being your husband," he said, as he got down on one knee and pulled the ring from his pocket. She gasped and they quickly drew everyone's attention.

"Mary Margaret Blanchard...will you marry me and be my wife?" he asked. A few tears escaped down her fair cheeks, but this time they were happy tears and she nodded her head.

"Yes…" she choked out.

"Yes!" she exclaimed again, as he put the ring on her finger and then stood up to pull her into his arms. He crushed his lips against hers and held her flush against him, as their lips moved passionately over each other's. Most everyone present applauded for them, while Regina glared murderously at them. Damon and Albert Spencer looked none too pleased as well, but David couldn't find it in himself to care about the possible threat they posed. So instead, he glared right back at them when his lips parted from Mary's and they basked in the congratulatory celebration from their friends. Emma hugged them both and they gathered together, as the fireworks to end the festivities began. For the moment, there was another victory for the side of good, even if the war between good and evil was far from over...

[nanamicide]

Red butterflies - chapter 8

Read on AO3

When Kamukura-kun left, Chiaki was overwhelmed. Everything he had told her during the hours they had spent together had been, understandably, a lot to process. She wasn’t even sure where to begin. On top of that, she had to be in class in two hours. Kamukura-kun had insisted that no matter how tired she was, she couldn’t skip. It was important for her to keep behaving as per usual; if she didn’t, people would have grown suspicious. She understood, but it felt unfair. It was easy for him, after all. Even if he was the one taking all these risks to see her, he had all these talents on his side. Besides, other than Munakata-san, he didn’t really have to lie to anyone else. That was without mentioning that he didn’t have to grieve the loss of a former close friend. He didn’t remember Hinata-kun, but she did. And despite how similar they were, she knew he and Kamukura-kun were not the same person. In a way, Kamukura-kun walking into her life like this felt like it was too much. It had been fine when he was in her room with her, but right now, Chiaki wasn’t sure anymore.

Stepping under the shower, hoping it would help her feel energized enough to go through the day despite of her staying up all night with Kamukura-kun, she let her mind wander. At least I have closure, now. I know what happened to Hinata-kun, and why he suddenly disappeared. It pains me to think that I couldn’t get him to realize that his lack of talent didn’t matter to me, but it’s too late now. He’s been Kamukura-kun for a year. I have to accept it. As hard to believe as this whole story is, I think I do. There are too many traces of Hinata-kun in Kamukura-kun for it to be fake, anyway. But this is tough. I don’t know if I can handle this much. I know he told me he has a plan for us to see each other again, but I don’t know if I even want to see him again. I don’t even know what his plan implies, so how am I supposed to agree to it?

Despite all her doubts and questions, Chiaki felt inexplicably drawn to Kamukura-kun. His crimson gaze made her feel vulnerable but safe at the same time, as if she were meant to let her guard down around him. If only this were an otome game, she sighed. Even when I make the wrong choice in these, I can always go back in time and try another route.

On the other hand, she knew she owed Kamukura-kun an answer. She felt partly responsible for Hinata-kun’s decision to go through with whatever experimentation had turned him into the person she had met yesterday. If she had been more assertive and had confessed to him on the last evening she had seen him, she would have had a chance to stop him from doing this to himself. She wasn’t overridden with guilt, but she still felt like things were partly her fault.

Kamukura-kun had given her until tonight to make her decision. Afterwards, she were to contact Gekkogahara-san and inform her of what she wanted to do. He had explained to her that if anyone could help them make things go right, it was her. Given her position in the academy, she would only have their best interest in mind. Chiaki hoped he wasn’t wrong. She knew that with all his abilities and talents, there was little to no chance of him ever being wrong about anything, but after he’d told her about the hope cultivation plan, she had lost faith in Hope’s Peak. She knew the people behind the project were no longer in charge, but she couldn’t shake away the feeling that Munakata-san and the people around him weren’t much better. They were the ones keeping Kamukura-kun hidden, weren’t they?

It's with her head full of unanswered questions that the Ultimate Gamer showed up to class that day. It’s with the same questions plaguing her mind that she exited her classroom without waving goodbye to anyone. She didn’t feel like it. She knew none of them had a clue what was going on behind the scenes, but she thought it was unfair for them to be so happy to be studying in this academy when it was that same academy that had turned Hinata-kun into the person she had met last night. Besides, Yukizome-sensei was Munakata-san’s girlfriend, wasn’t she? How could she let him do what he was doing to Kamukura-kun?

Focused on yet another game of Gala Omega, Chiaki absentmindedly walked towards the fountain where she and Hinata-kun used to meet up to play games. She sat down on the bench, completely ignoring her surroundings. She knew the sky was a bright shade of orange at that time of the day, but she didn’t want to look at it. She didn’t want to be reminded of the fact that she would never see those same colors surrounding Hinata-kun’s emerald eyes – even if she decided to keep Kamukura-kun in her life, his eyes were now a bright red. She liked red; she dearly missed green.

I need to make a decision now, no matter how difficult this is. I don’t like having to rush it, but I can’t let him down again by missing the deadline. Chiaki turned off her GameGirl advance and pulled out her phone. She opened the e-mail app, quickly typing in Gekkogahara-san’s address. She had done this so many times today that she didn’t need to look at the paper the Ultimate Therapist had given her on the previous day. I have to do this. I can’t change what happened in the past and Hinata-kun can’t come back. Kamukura-kun, on the other hand, is right here. He’s… He’s the future, I think. That’s right, Hinata-kun is the past and I can’t change him nor what happened to him. Kamukura-kun is the future, and if I choose him, I have an opportunity to change things for him. I don’t know how much I can do, but if I just try, things will turn out okay, right? I can… I can be there for him. She steadied her grip on her phone, trying to calm herself down. What she was about to do was scary. She had no idea how things would turn out, but she had hope. She had hope that she and Kamukura-kun would get along regardless of how bored he had told her he was last night. She had hope that she could find something that would prevent him from being so bored all the time. She had hope that things would be okay, at last. And compared to when she had decided to stop waiting for Hinata-kun, she had a concrete idea of what she had to do to make them okay.

Chiaki took a deep breath and began typing the e-mail she’d known she would end up sending all along.

Dear Gekkogahara-san,

Thank you for all the work you have been doing with Kamukura-kun. He has only had praise for you, unlike the rest of the people aware of his existence. I’m glad he has had someone he could rely on through all of it. I understand he doesn’t need it, considering all the things he can do now, but I get the feeling you’ve kept him in check somehow. Besides, he trusts you. He doesn’t seem to trust many people. Maybe it’s because he knows exactly what they’re going to do despite what they’re telling him.

This decision has been hard to make. I was angry they’ve taken Hinata-kun away from me. I was sad I would never see him again. And part of me was afraid I wouldn’t be able to accept Kamukura-kun. For a while I thought I might just try to turn him into Hinata-kun, if that makes sense. I don’t think that would have been fair to him. This morning I almost sent you an e-mail to tell you I didn’t want to see him again. In retrospect, I’m glad I didn’t. I don’t think I’ll change my mind again, but I think you need to know these things. I will be honest about all of this with Kamukura-kun next time I see him as well.

I know Kamukura-kun isn’t Hinata-kun. They’re similar and yet quite different. I don’t mind it, though. I’m willing to take Kamukura-kun as he is, and to be his friend. I think the fact he sort of remembers me in spite of everything that’s happened to him means that me being around him is important in some way I can’t comprehend. And since I couldn’t stop him from going through with this stupid project last year, I feel like I owe him this. So, I’ll be there for him. I accept whatever Kamukura-kun is offering. I have no doubt that his plan is flawless and will not make us run any unnecessary risks.

I’m not sure why I’ve told you all this when a simple ‘I accept seeing Kamukura-kun again’ would have been enough. Well, as the former Ultimate Therapist, you probably know why I thought it was necessary for me to fill you in on all the details.

I look forward to hearing from you, and to seeing Kamukura-kun again.

Regards,

Nanami Chiaki – class 77.

Chiaki quickly pressed the send button without even proofreading what she had just written. She wanted Gekkogahara-san to be able to know how she really felt about what she was going to do. She turned her gaze to the fountain and noticed a red butterfly flying above the water, seemingly avoiding the water coming from the sprays. Chiaki smiled to herself as she thought about how similar the color of its wings was to that of Kamukura-kun’s eyes.

  XXXXXXX

  Sitting on the edge of his bed with one foot resting atop it and his arm draped over his knee, Izuru closely watched what was happening on his laptop screen. He knew it wasn’t what Munakata-sensei had told him to do today, but he no longer cared. He had never been afraid of him, but he felt stronger, and possibly bolder now that Nanami knew about his existence and everything that had happened to his vessel. Besides, he could predict that big things were going to happen. On the screen, Gekkogahara looked like she had just learned about something important, while Nanami seemed lost in thought despite everything going on around her. He hadn’t decided to spy on them today because he distrusted them – no, he knew they would both be loyal to him, even if he still couldn’t accurately predict what Nanami’s final decision regarding spending time with him would be. Instead, he had wanted to make sure they were safe from Munakata-sensei and Sakakura. Neither of them appeared to know anything about the scheming he had been up to, but Gekkogahara lacked many of his talents, and he still felt that urge to protect Nanami. That was why he had, once again, hacked into the surveillance system of the academy.

Every now and then, he also made sure to take note of Sakakura’s location. He knew Munakata-sensei wouldn’t dare get his hands dirty. He needed to keep his record and reputation clean if he wanted to stay on top of Hope’s Peak, after all. His right-hand man, on the other hand, was ready to do anything for him. And he was so incredibly stupid it made him dangerous. Izuru still couldn’t wrap his head around how he could have fallen for Munakata-sensei’s fake confession to him when he had told on Enoshima. It was clear the cold, white-haired man didn’t care about anything except his own success, and Yukizome, to a certain extent. Still, Izuru knew what he felt towards Nanami’s homeroom teacher was not love. If he’d loved her, he would have tried to save her instead of hiding what had happened to her from everyone in the academy.

Even though he was aware of all of this, Izuru didn’t care. Their stories bored him. There was nothing interesting about any of it; it was all too predictable to someone like him. Sure, it was baffling how they all thought they were so much better than the regular people dwelling in the reserve course or outside of the academy, but even that disdain was to be expected from people with talent, no matter how irrelevant and silly that talent may be.

Despite what he felt towards them, and even though he was far more talented than they would ever be, Izuru didn’t believe he was above them when it came to morals. Everything he had done with Enoshima had only happened because he had been bored and wanted to test boundaries. As for what he was doing to be with Nanami, he still didn’t understand it well enough to claim he had no bad or questionable intentions. It still shook him to see that he couldn’t figure any of it out. Given that it was what had pushed him to try to see her during the previous night, Izuru had a feeling that what he was doing wasn’t entirely commendable or selfless. It did not bother him, though. As long as he wasn’t attempting to hurt her, there was nothing so bad about wanting to get rid of that nagging boredom that followed him everywhere.

On his screen, Nanami got off her chair and hurriedly left her classroom. Izuru wasn’t sure, but it seemed unlike her to just leave like that without paying attention to the people around her. This reaction of hers was quite likely due to the ultimatum he had given her, which made him feel… guilty? Was that actually guilt? Izuru wasn’t sure, but he still made a mental note to apologize to her for making her feel like this if he saw her again. Even if he didn’t, he could still message her on one of the games’ chatting system and explain to her that he understood why she wanted nothing to do with him after everything that had happened and—wait, why do I care about this? Granted, she’s definitely the type of person who would feel horrible for letting me down, especially since she thinks my vessel went through this experiment because she wasn’t able to convince him that he was more than enough without talent. But why on earth would I care about that?

Nanami was most definitely making him feel things that were unusual. Of course, he hadn’t been living as himself for very long, but he knew for a fact that most people his age experienced all these things on a regular basis. He simply knew so much about the world around him that he didn’t. This newfound confusion was exciting. Izuru wholly welcomed it.

Moving a few strands of hair out of his face, Izuru frowned. Nanami was nowhere to be found on the security footage, which worried him. There were no cameras in the individual dorm rooms, so every student could have their privacy, but he hadn’t spotted her in the corridor leading to her room. He felt a little uneasy. She had left her classroom fifteen minutes ago; something had to be wrong. She should have been in that corridor at least ten minutes ago.

He quickly checked the recording coming from Munakata-sensei’s office, which granted him relief. Both he and Sakakura were still in there. It looked like there were fighting. Good. That should keep them busy until I can be sure Nanami is safe. I can’t afford to go on a stroll in broad daylight. It would be good if they kept doing this until she goes back to her dorm. He paused, attentively studying the expressions on the men’s faces, guessing what the fight was about. Ah, Sakakura is growing tired of waiting for Munakata-sensei. Well, this was bound to happen. The poor man is too impulsive and abrasive to wait forever after his heartfelt confession. And he’s too blinded by his feelings towards him that he has no idea he’s been lied to. Munakata-sensei needs him around to do the dirty work, though. He’ll take whatever time is necessary to calm him down. This is fine. Nanami will be safe.

Izuru calmly breathed in and out, keeping his attention on the view he had of the corridor leading to Nanami’s room. He was feeling slightly nervous, but knowing she wouldn’t have to go through another uncomfortable encounter with Sakakura helped. He didn’t have to worry about her safety anymore. The only concern left on his mind was whether she’d accept to spend time with him. She was most likely figuring this out in a place where she used to spend time with Hinata. He would get the answer he was almost impatiently waiting for the next morning, when Gekkogahara would begin her daily check-up. Izuru closed his eyes. This was a little bit more difficult than what he was used to, but he knew he could wait. Nanami was worth it.

[tigerwolfspellbear]

The Uzamakis and the Kurosakis (There Will Be Spoilers)

My Rogerian essay that was due yesterday. I feel like I could have pulled more examples for IchiHime, but it is what it is. This was hard since there aren’t really shipping experts to rely on and there doesn’t really seem to be much online in the way of experts when it comes to defining traits for the different types of sexuality and romantic types.

               Great mangas and animes have ended. Fandoms are divided by shipping wars. In the Naruto fandom, fans were disappointed by the end pairings. Divided between Naruto and Hinata or Naruto and Sakura (and even though everyone knew it wasn’t going to happen, Naruto and Sasuke), many a discourse has been waged over social media sites such as Tumblr and Facebook. The same can be said for Bleach, where the fandom is divided between Ichigo and Orihime or Ichigo and Rukia. Naruto ended up with Hinata and Ichigo ended up with Orihime, but what makes these two relationships different and why is one more in character than the other? What are you talking about, you ask? Naruto’s relationship with Hinata is out of character and Ichigo’s relationship with Orihime is not.

               “Oh, heck no,” you say. That is wrong. Completely, totally wrong. First of all, we should respect the author’s decisions concerning the endings. Yes, we should. Which would mean that Naruto’s relationship with Hinata is in character, because that is what Masashi Kishimoto drew and wrote. Second, what does Bleach have to do with Naruto. The end relationships and the division between fans runs parallel.

The Naruto Relationship

Naruto is the loud, extroverted hero in the Naruto series, while Hinata is quiet and introverted. This is a seen throughout both series, Naruto and Naruto: Shippuuden. Naruto starts out as a young child, neglected and ostracized by the villagers. He seeks to gain attention by being loud, pulling pranks (as seen in the very first chapter), and trying to impress the other children, which often fails (episode 177 and 178 in the Naruto Shippuuden anime). As he grows older, he becomes less prone to pranking, but still is loud and not afraid to show his opinions, especially when it comes to his friends.

               Hinata on the other hand, is shown from the start as very shy and introverted. She is inspired by Naruto’s hard work and she changes to become better. This is shown most clearly during the chuunin exams, where she faces off with her cousin, Neji (chapters 78 – 80 in the manga). She does grow out of her shell some, but remains quiet and polite, mostly sticking in the background compared to the rest of the Konoha Eleven. Her background changes slightly in the anime’s fillers and the movie, The Last: Naruto the Movie. There, she supposedly confesses her love for Naruto for the first time, even though, in chapter 437, she confesses her love as she is squaring off with Pein (plot hole no jutsu!).

               Now, at this point, you are probably (if you don’t ship the canon pairing, that is) not giving a fig leaf. You are more interested in Naruto and Sakura. Sakura is equally outspoken, although not at first. At first, she is somewhat quiet, having an “inner” Sakura that is much bolder and louder. She’s not above being abusive towards Naruto, not wanting to deal with his antics, especially in front of Sasuke. In Naruto: Shippuuden, she changes, and aside from the first chapter, “inner” Sakura disappears and seems to become merged with Sakura’s personality. She’s a lot more violent and outspoken. The relationship between Naruto and Sakura is considered to be a red herring, with Kishimoto himself, saying that he was trying to create a messy love triangle (www.saiyanisland.com/2017/01/naruto-creator-masashi-kishimoto-2017-interview/).

               The problem with the pairing with Sakura is that she herself has completely proven she doesn’t love Naruto. He’s a friend. Naruto knows this as well. In chapter 469, she confesses her love to him and Naruto flat out tells her she’s lying. When Minato (Naruto’s father) joins the war, Sakura is healing Naruto and he asks Naruto if she is his girlfriend. Naruto says yes, but Sakura punches him for his answer. With Hinata, the problem isn’t because she doesn’t love Naruto, because it’s obvious to everyone but Naruto. The problem is that you could substitute Hinata for someone else easily. In the fight with Pein, she is heavily injured, and it causes Naruto to lose control of the nine-tailed fox inside him. If you substituted Sakura in for Hinata, the same thing would have happened. Substitute Sasuke, Shikamaru, or any of his closer friends and he still would have lost control. The only reason he “realizes” his feelings for Hinata is because in The Last: Naruto the Movie, Sakura point blank tells him, and he feels Hinata’s feelings in a genjutsu. However, if you once again substitute another one of his closer friends in for Hinata, he would do the same.

               Naruto is panromantic and polyamorous. “Oh my god, why do you got to bring in sexuality to this?”, you say. Because it is the only answer that makes sense. Why else, crappy writing aside, would you be able to substitute Naruto’s close friends for Hinata in those sorts of situations? On the PsychPedia on GoodTherapy.org, it defines pansexuality as “Individuals who identify as pansexual may describe themselves as being interested in the person more than the person’s gender.” (www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/pansexuality). It defines polyamory as “Polyamory, meaning "many loves," can be defined as the practice of having or pursuing multiple romantic relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved.” (www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/polyamory). Naruto loves all his close friends equally and would be willing to do anything for them, from not letting them die during the war (Shikamaru, after he was hit by a life sucking jutsu. Naruto unconsciously kept him alive with the nine-tailed fox’s chakra.), to chasing after them to prevent them from doing something he views as stupid (Kakashi going on a suicide mission in Naruto Shippuuden the Movie: The Will of Fire or Hinata agreeing to be wed to someone else in exchange for her sister (The Last: Naruto the Movie).

The Kurosakis

               In Bleach, we have Ichigo and Orihime as the canon pairing, although the other popular ship is Ichigo and Rukia. Ichigo parallels Naruto as he is the main character and has to work hard for acceptance, since due to his hair color, he is seen as a punk. He will defend his friends and wants to protect as many people as he can (Chapter 47). In times when he is powerless, he becomes depressed and despairs because he can’t do this. Orihime also mirrors Hinata a little in that she is polite and shy, and she really likes Ichigo, to the point that everyone around her knows, except of course, Ichigo. Finally, Rukia, she too mirrors Sakura in that she is the violent one, although not necessarily as violent to Ichigo as Sakura is to Naruto. She is the one that goads him into action when he is too caught up in his own thoughts.

               Rukia does act more as a mentor to Ichigo, teaching him some of the things he needs to know to be a Shinigami (death god) and giving him pep talks. As far as relationships go, however, he treats her equally to his other friends, like Tatsuki, Renji, and Chad. Orihime is a little different, even from the get go. He consistently tries to protect her, from her hollow-turned brother, to apologizing to her for failing to be able to stop her from getting hurt when the Arrancars (the top tier hollows) first show up (Chapter 196). She gets kidnapped and he goes after her, and while he would do that for his other friends as well, her opinion of his mask (a scary source of some of his powers) matters to him (Chapter 281). He is kinder towards her and more worried about her welfare than his other friends.

               This is the difference between the two relationships. Naruto loves everyone equally, eventually coming to view everyone in the village as family (Naruto Gaiden: The Seventh Hokage, Chapter 8). He goes to the same lengths for everyone he considers to be his friends and family. Ichigo, however, doesn’t. He cares for his friends and will protect them, but he shows more care with Orihime, his sisters, and even to some extent, his dad. For Naruto to settle down with Hinata, it is jarring. There is no development through the whole series for their relationship to be different from his relationship with others, whereas with Ichigo and Orihime, a deeper relationship was developed.

Resources

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