#one of these days im gonna figure out how to combine my interest in the deep ocean with space exploration and then just yall watch

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

the worst thing about living is that u can't do everything all at once

[khalewren]

Sonic character music HCs

 I’ve been obsessed with both the Sonic the hedgehog series and Music in general for over a year now, so i figured i could combine those interests in a fun way. I’m gonna describe what kind of music i personally think the characters would like/listen to. And just so you know, this is just my thoughts on it, i’m not saying im right or anything. And while i am trying to match these genuinely, it’s also not something i’m taking fully seriously. I’m just doin this for fun :)

I also suggest looking up some of the terms/artists/genres i use here if you’re not already familiar with them! Might help you understand my reasoning a bit more, and who knows, you might even find a new favourite artist 👀

Oh, and one more thing. While i am of course going to go off of music i’m familiar with, i’ll try to avoid assigning characters music that i like just because its music that i like. That being said, i will of course, be just a tad bit biased. Anyways, time to start with the blue boy himself!!

Sonic

Sonic is somewhat easy. Seeing as how his main thing is standing up against tyranny, i imagine he’d definitely be a fan of punk. At first i thought of pop punk specifically, due to its high energy, but i feel like Sonic would find it a bit too commercial. Same thing with skate punk. I feel like anarcho-punk could be a little more up his alley? Maybe something like chumbawumba.

Oh, and personal bias time: I think he would like King gizzard and the Lizard wizard due to the themes of enviromentalism.

Example of Sonic’s music taste

Tails

Now, i’m completely split between two different paths here. The first option is EDM. Just overall music that sounds electronic, maybe dance, i dunno. The second option however, is one that i personally prefer: Just like, music with weirdass time signatures and polyrhythms n shit. Math rock, Prog, that kinda stuff. Specific bands i’m thinking about is Tool, King crimson, Black midi, maybe even KGLW (again, personal bias). Tails would think music theory is fucking dope and would be OBSESSED with this kinda music lmao.

Example of Tails’ music taste

Knuckles

Now, this is the rare instance that i feel justified in being biased, because his level themes in sa2 make me believe that knuckles is a hiphop head. Specifically, instrumental hip hop. I think he’d be a big fan of J Dilla’s style of hip hop production in general, with the soft fuzzy feel of songs like The light. Otherwise i feel like he likes some boom bap, like Illmatic.

Example of Knuckles’ music taste

Amy

I honestly feel like Amy is the kinda person who enjoys like, any type of music? Like this gal will listen to some chill folk music and then go directly to hardcore industrial rock lmao. I think her favourite genre is pop though. First artist that pops into mind is Carly rae jepsen, not only because she makes great pop music, but also since her songs are often about love, which i feel fits Amy pretty well. She’d probably like something more off-kilter like art pop too. She LOVES Björk, i feel confident in saying that.

Example of Amy’s music taste

Shadow

I’ve noticed that this one is quite varied (and if you’re curious, i don’t really mind the whole taylor swift thing, but i also don’t really care for it either), but i want to bring up a genre that i haven’t seen anyone else suggest Shadow being a fan of: Shoegaze. I think he would find the whole noisy, dreamlike, nearly overwhelming feeling of shoegaze calming. I don’t know, there’s just something about Shoegaze that makes me feel like it fits shadow perfectly. Only bands i really know are Slowdive and My bloody valentine, but i still feel confident in my opinion.

I also feel like the idea of him enjoying indie folk (something like the mountain goats) but would not be caught DEAD listening to it is really funny. The day that rouge finds out will not be a happy day for anyone in a ten mile radius.

Example of Shadow’s music taste

Rouge

Now, there’s a very easy answer here. Jazz. But i feel like rouge would also enjoy stuff like Soul and funk. She’d also check out music Shadow listens to, both to annoy him and out of genuine interest. Not much else i have to say here tbh.

Example of Rouge’s music taste

Omega

Harsh noise.

Silver

Similarly to Amy, i think Silver enjoys practically anything and everything, and is also super open to trying new stuff. If he has a preference though, i think he enjoys dance music? Or just electronic stuff in general. Daft punk comes to mind, specifically Discovery.

Example of Silver’s music taste

Blaze

I feel like Blaze is someone who simply hasn’t been able to listen to a lot of music yet? Her friends (particularly Silver and Amy) have given her a bunch of recommendations, and while she doesn’t have a preference yet, she has enjoyed some of the stuff that they have played.

Vector

On the complete contrary to Blaze, Vector is a supreme Music nerd. You name an artist or album, he is at the very least aware of them. He’s the kinda guy who will talk about some super obscure folk album from the 70′s and refer to it as if its some kind of holy grail. It’s great. He would have a vinyl collection, but due to the chaotix’s financial situation, he settles for CDs instead. Again, he enjoys practically anything, but i feel like his favourite genre is progrock. He also remixes music for fun.

And thats it!! I’ll try to think of more that i can add in a reblog, but for now, this is all that i can think of. Again, this is just my opinion, but i’d love to hear some of yalls thoughts!! why you think im correct or wrong or however!!

[confessmau]

I think we can all agree the family situation in a royal tale is weird. Garroth so suddenly had different parents. Noone liked this. I've seen many people rewrite it so Garroth was stolen.

But the weirdest part of it is how nothing is done with this. This is an opportunity. You aren't restricted by what Garte and Zianna would do anymore because these are different characters. (Although Jess often heavily changes characters personalities across universes, *looks at mermaid tales Garroth.*) Yet they act just like them. 'Not Garte' and 'not Zianna' act more like Garte and Zianna than Garroth acts like any of his counterparts.

A way more interesting take on this would be if Garroth's unnamed mother in royal tale was actually aware and cooperative of King Zior's scheme. Her and King Zior COULD have been some evil power-hungry couple.

It both wouldn't change anything about Zianna's character, and it would be an interesting twist, taking advantage of how we assume her to be good since she's Garroth's mother. It could even be remotely memorable.

And I generally find it weird to suddenly not have two characters be related anymore. This is a little bit more off the tracks of what we got in canon royal tale, but what if we combine this with the Garroth being stolen thing? What if she was Garte's older sister, but due to Garte being a man he got a throne instead. So she set up a plan to banish him so she could get her rightful throne, and stole his newborn firstborn child along the way out of spite or something.

~~

from my understanding, zoir and not zianna (im gonna call her gianna because shes just zianna with a garroth recolor) only exist because zane and garroth are not meant to be related in a royal tale. jesson might have thought that would be confusing to past fans if garte and zianna were still garroth's parents but not zane's, so they just recolored them and called it a day

considering the goal of seperating zane and garroth, it is absolutely mind boggling that jesson made garroths new dad look more like zane than garte or zianna combined, gave him a Z name, and gave him the exact same powerset as zane to the point that zane can literally sense zoirs magic. but zoir also explicitly stated zane isn't family in episode one so....

i always thought thar zane was actually their secret kid, but was erased from the family tree the second zoir figured out he was magic because zoir himself was keeping his magic a secret, bur that's just a theory lol

[lixies-favorite-cookie]

Hello! I would like to request something a little angsty, where the reader has been in a long-term relationship with a member, and suddenly ANOTHER member confesses to her. I want it awkward and I want it FULL OF DRAMA! But obviously, it's up to you! (I originally imagined it with Chan and Changbin, but it would be interesting with any combo, so I'll leave that to you!) Thank you!

RAAAAAAWR mf my brain just went wild for this

okay so i may or may not combine this with a personal idea I had about the reader who has had a "dream journal" per say about her biggest love fantasies and felix (the og man I was gonna have this go with defintally going to still go with this if you like it) finds the journal and reads it and starts bringing her fantasies to life (not sexual ones like dancing in the rain and somebody writing poetry about her stuff like that) but she doesn't know he read it so she just thinks they are on the same wave length but someway somehow she figures out he has actually been reading it and she SWOONS he thinks shes going to be mad but shes like wtf this is an act of love in of itself being willing to act everything out for me BUT I HAD AN IDEA WITH THIS ASK

What if... shes in a relationship with chan and its getting really tense

spoilers under the cut so if i write this and you don't want spoilers don't read

Hes always away always writing new songs always working so she feels really neglected and starts falling felix for emotional help and she sort of brings up her dream journal to him (which is how he knows about it) and how she hates that she cant share stuff like this with chan and one day felix stumbles upon the book and makes it his personal mission to undertake every single page of the book bringing all your ideas to life even if chan is in the way buttt basically after a fight scenes some tension and awkward moments potentially drunk words and dances in the rain you get to the end (this may or may not be a long asf story like 20k words no promises but my brain is ZOOMING) where its bittersweet but she chooses felix realizing that her whole life she has been waiting for a man that will bring her dreams to life and she simply couldn't find that in chan

LAALALALALA so yeah what do you think??

this is chaotic asf but IM SO EXCITED

THANK YOU ANON PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!

[circular-bircular]

Mmm. I caught a few free minutes today to sit down and respond, so let's unleash this one, shall we?

Below the cut is an ENORMOUS ask, and a (incredibly long, as much as I may try otherside) response. It's about the recent "censorship" (???) drama.

TL;DR: Everyone is allowed to be angry in life, and policing that is kind of outrageously infuriating, especially in spaces where people struggle with things like emotional regulation! I'm allowed to be upset and express that upset, just as much as anyone else. Me expressing frustrations isn't "demonizing" people or attacking them, and I'm sorry if it comes across that way. If you feel I'm attacking you by posting on my own blog how I'm upset about something, or feel I'm attacking you by reblogging posts on tumblr to dissect ableism in articles you yourself posted... Figure out that feeling, or block me? Good lord.

I am not posting anything more about this topic. Please don't send asks about it, or I will simply be deleting them.

Okay. For context, these two asks (combined below) came in about 3 days ago. I was wondering if I should post them in a different format to slim them down, but genuinely, I think I want to present this as I received it. Here it is (with your system name censored, anon -- I recognize your concerns about harassment):

abt frameaclouds post :: politely + trying to come to the table not to argue but to point this out I dont think you can blame a blogger for seeing people reblogging their post from you legit screaming "how dare you" or "fuck you" at them and them then assuming that it's probs best to just block and keep back from that whole group of folks. I liked some of your additions and thought they were interesting as one of frameaclouds followers.... but the way you and others focused almost entirely on nitpicking LB Lee's stuff and some ways things were phrased (ex. - like point 3; all frameacloud said was that DID does not require trauma. you then... agreed and shouted at them?), and the way a lot of you jumped to calling it censorship and silencing when frameacloud refused to engage afterwards, really kind of makes it look like you're interpreting their post and actions in the worst light possible. it makes it seem like you're coming from a place of bad faith. you mentioned some cool perspective in your reblog, where you talked about how it came off to someone who had your specific background and knowledge and what u found the issues to be, but you haven't done the reverse: you haven't considered how your reblog was going to come across to an otherkin whose been around for a really long time and who is probably used to dealing with tons and tons of trolls who are going to take what they say in the least generous way possible, twist their words, + use it to belittle and harass them. like this is an otherkin who's been around since the grilling times and usenet days. and a bunch of people who seem to be in ur circles citing back to the post and kind of beating their chests about it even tho frameacloud is making a point not to fight or argue about it and to just block and move on...and u urself described ur response as a 'rant' which has a pretty diff connotation than 'discussion' or 'criticism'...well its likely to just project that kind of image further, that ur just here to flame war, even if thats not what ur doing or how u want to come across. ik that's how it came across to me and even after seeing some of ur past posts on ur blog that i really liked im still a little skeptical that this ask isnt gonna be either trashed mocked or taken out of context by u or someone who follows u. and also i want to remind people that like......... u r not owed access to anyone on socmed. frameacloud and any other blogger is allowed to block anyone for any reason. and its unhealthy to say that ur owed other ppls blogs and posts to platform on. respect other ppls boundaries without villainizing them cuz otherwise ur just opening up a can of worms to lie in. and ik u said in a later post that theyre well within their rights to block u but u also reblogged a post before that calling it censorship. so like... this is what i mean about coming off as disengenuous and troll-y, stuff like this is why even if i liked some of ur reblog i wont rb it. if i rb it and end up deleting it later am i gonna be told by others that im 'censoring' u? if i make a mistake and say something wrong in a tag am i gonna get jumped with a 5k word essay from four different ppl telling me how much i suck? its a hypothetical but only sorta with whats been happening on ur blog and elsewhere in this discussion. its bad form and its not super fair to frameacloud who still hasnt done legit anything yet but block ppl and i really cant say enough how much i dont blame them with some of whats been said n what sort of conclusions ppl r jumping to abt them. (also now that im thinking of the context if u did come across as bad faith engagement to frameacloud then they probably didnt respond to ur ask because it screamed BAIT to them cuz ik in their shoes id think the same. i mean their blog 99% runs on queue...the last post they reblogged that wasnt on their queue was ONE post on the 11th from their boyfriend and be4 that ONE on the 9th...all while u have someone gossiping in a prev ask that they 'often do this'. i can see frameaclouds POV)

like i swear im not trying to start a fight but can u see how this comes off. claiming u want a discussion and then thanking someone who is calling blocking censorship, saying that theyre in their rights to block but then posting an ask that says this blog that makes maybe like two or three original posts a month "does this often", the original aggro all over the reblogs that stem from ur first reblog in the reblog chart... like frameacloud is the one who blocked first but u have to srsly consider why they did + why they refuse to engage at all + what it looks like to ppl outside of the type of syscourse ur used to, like them and like me. if u want ppl to listen, then this isnt a good way to promote the kind of discussions u say u want. it just drives ppl away and maybe it feels temporarly vindicating but its not helpful. i want to see the things ur talking abt talked abt more but if its always going to be like that and theres no way for it to be less like trekking thru a field of mines where someone might blow up at u for something u dnt even realize is wrong at the time then i dunno

...

So, first off, I apologize profusely to everyone for how long-winded I am. I write a LOT, a habit I have always, always tried to break, and I now realize just how much it is to see thousands of words in response to things. This is nearly 1k of words I woke up to right before leaving for my vacation. Talk about wild to read right after waking up. (I also apologize because what follows is similarly so long winded and I cannot figure out how to not do this).

I attempted to write up my response. Took a full day and a half, writing and writing and writing. And here's the thing, I wrote around 3k words trying to explain my perspective, trying to acknowledge what I agreed and disagreed with from your asks, from your perspective, and just...

Dude, I am so fucking done with this shit. Not your asks in particular, but with syscourse in general.

This ask presents me with a damned if I do, damned if I don't scenario. I could leave it to rot in my inbox, but then I'm a hypocrite for not engaging with discussions about things, which is what I say I want people to do. I could finish writing up my 3k+ word response, but then my words are going to be twisted as they always are because I'm long winded and I am just trying my best to (probably over)explain myself.

Or... I can just. Explain as briefly as possible here what I'm feeling, thinking, and doing.

So... Here goes my best shot.

One:

First and foremost, I could care less at this point about frameacloud. Good fucking lord, I have tried to keep their username in my head through all of this, but it's genuinely so hard and I just end up scrolling up. I have never interacted with this user before this, and I clearly won't be again. My beef is not with them. I could care less about this user or their business; they are a tumblr user who exists. Wow!

My upset was about how the conversation was cut off. That's all. That's it. Wow, it sucks how all conversations are cut off when people block others for any reason. I hate how long MY blocklist is, strictly for my mental health. I hate how many people I have to block to keep myself healthy, because it cuts off communication. Is it... condemning myself to saying, "It's a shame that they cut off communication like that" when I've blocked plenty of very vocal syscoursers?

No. As I've said numerous times through all this, people should be able to block whoever they want. Even if I talk about how upsetting that may be, I mean absolutely no ill will to the person who literally should not know I'm talking about how upset I am, because said person has me blocked.

Two:

I don't care why they blocked me. Maybe they personally hate me, maybe they heard about me from who-is-page or whoever (I know I've bumped heads with them in the past once or twice before), maybe they thought I was a troll, maybe they thought I was overly angry, whatever-

That literally means nothing to me other than " :( Fucking goddamn it, that means my response will be hidden."

What I am upset about isn't that they blocked me; I'm upset that the conversation was cut short and hidden in all aspects. By that I mean, I don't care I was blocked and hidden; I care that every single user who reblogged either me or SAS's reply was also hidden. Like. Every single tag was. I don't know if that's tumblr's doing, or OPs doing, or what have you, but again -- it doesn't matter.

All I'm saying is "damn, buddy, that sucks."

Three:

They didn't respond to my ask, and I mentioned that in my follow up post to show I tried to reach out genuinely. I didn't want people to think I was posting this without trying to reach out originally. That was all. It was once again me complaining that the conversation was completely cut off, regardless of the reason why it was cut off.

And here's where I'll address the elephant that I see, or at least the first one.

I'm allowed to be however angry I want on my blog, on my posts, and in my life. I'm allowed to shout, curse, and be pissed off. And no, they don't need to engage with it, and no, I don't need to be happy about that fact.

This is a tumblr blog, sir.

I'm not a medical professional or a debater on a stage in front of a podium. I'm a 26 year old trauma survivor who got upset about a fucking severely ableist post. I think I should be allowed to be a bit pissy about it.

Being told so frequently recently that I need to "be nice to convince people" is such whiplash, because less than a year ago, I was that person. I was the person telling everyone to let go of their anger, to be nice to convince the other side, that everyone needs to be polite. I did this so much that I literally was known as the Respectability Politics Syscourser. That was a legitimate label I used. I was told so often that I was a filthy centrist and that I was worse than homophobic bigots because I was trying to get everyone to just be nice to each other. I got fucking harassed for simply posting "Everyone should respect each other" to the syscourse tags.

Is that healthy?

A topic I discuss most frequently with my therapist at the moment is reclaiming anger. I struggle severely with loyalty and fawning, convinced that if I show any negative emotion whatsoever, I'll be hurt and shoved aside and abandoned by those I love. (Ouch). Here's just a few things I've learned in the past year or so:

Anger is the part of you that knows you deserve better.

Anger is a form of self-love.

Anger is a secondary emotion; what emotion lies under it? (This is the one I struggle with the most)

In... Fall of last year (the exact month escapes me), I ended up blowing up due to how long I had kept myself censored and kept myself "polite" for others. Due to how much anger I'd shoved aside and kept under wraps for the benefit of others. Because being angry would "reflect badly" on me and my friends; because it would make what I had to share less accessible to others.

... I'm done with doing that. Therapist's literal orders. In fact, if my therapist had his way, I would not have a system blog, be part of any system servers, or talk to anyone online who has DID, because the fact fucking is, none of you are safe to talk to. It will always be a triggering space. (Thankfully, my therapist also acknowledges that he is a singlet, doesn't know my brain, and that I am my own person who can make my own choices).

If OP of the post decided to make a big huge post blowing up in anger and frustration at how horrible I am, good for them. If you block me out of anger, good for you! I do not care, because I will be happy you are doing what is best for you. I am happy OP did what's best for them.

And equally, upset that a convo about ableism was hidden.

That brings me to:

Four:

Out of all the shit said and reblogged through that little single blip on the syscourse radar (I think around 10 posts out of 20 in that single 24 hours), I do regret posting that ask about OP "doing this often". That one is on me, and tbh, I'm gonna delete it. It was drama, and I do try to avoid that. I hardly added anything to it, and while I know my perspective on why I posted it, I also acknowledge that it'll do literally jack shit to explain why. So I'm just gonna delete it and move on.

But in everything else, I was only lamenting the fact that every response was hidden beyond those agreeing with OP.

I thanked Candlelight (the first user to call it censorship from what I can see) for stating that the responses were all hidden, but moreover, for mentioning that they didn't agree with everything I said. I spoke on that post primarily driven by anger at Lee's ableism. I KNOW it was not a perfect post. That's because I'm not a Perfect Debater(TM).

All I wanted was A DISCUSSION ABOUT ABLEISM!

(Note: This is commonly seen as yelling; for me, via text, I see this as EXTREME EMPHASIS. Sorry it apparently comes across as yelling! I see it as yelling a bit in my mind, but I can see how the TONE is lost in those cases. Right now, my tone is exhausted frustration, but I see no need to ACTUALLY raise my voice at you.)

I think that's the thing that's pissed me off the most. Everyone and their brother wants to either agree or disagree with me about censorship. I have my own thoughts on censorship (it's basically always bad, but there's nuance on all things, is exclusion censorship, etc etc) but those are not relevant because nobody has even fucking addressed the ableism.

The articles -- linked by OP, but who gives a shit at this point -- came off as ableist. I reblogged OP's post because they are the ones who posted the ableist articles to the DID tags. That is how tumblr is used, is it not? And yes, I expressed my anger... at the articles... on the post that had the articles...

And OP hid those critiques for their own reasons... and I lamented that they were hidden... so I made a post about it while explaining the context ('Hey if you're wondering why I'm making this big huge long post AGAIN, OP blocked my response and everyone elses, and yes I have tried to resolve it, but this one's plan B for getting the word out that these articles and ideas are really harmful online')

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. You see why this is so hard to keep short, right? I surely hope so. There's a LOT to tackle here, and a lot of emotions, and a lot of different topics/nuances.

FIVE: RAPID FIRE ROUND (With Review!)

I don't care about otherkin spaces or know shit about them. They're triggering for me. Bluh.

I don't blame OP for blocking me.

I don't hate you or want to attack you for this ask, sorry you feel that way.

If someone deletes a reblog, I just assume they made a mistake reblogging it? Do people attack others for this shit?

I nitpicked Lee's response because Lee's response was the most ableist shit I've seen in a bit, and I did that on OP's post because they're the one who posted it.

I didn't agree that DID does not always need trauma? I explicitly said it is always trauma based? I'm so confused about that point.

Is "Ranting" seen as trolling now? I use "rant" to mean "Shit, I went on for a LONG time." It's synonymous with ramble for me.

I don't know how to break it to everyone, but posting online means it is inherently unsafe, and someone may attack you or blow up at you. It's the world wide web. It sucks. (That doesn't mean it's deserved or that I endorse that behavior; it's just... life).

Ugh.

At the end of the day, I just want to be able to have my fucking disorder and scroll tags about my disorder without seeing:

It doesn't need trauma to form

Traumagenic systems are 'obsessed with suffering'

Endogenic systems are 'healthy' forms of plurality (As opposed to DID)

Yknow. Syscourse in general.

And similar shit.

Is that too much to ask??

Anon; I know this doesn't address all of your points. I KNOW I haven't gone point by point like I wanted to. My original draft did that, but I only got halfway before hitting 3k words, and you seemed... really adverse to a long ra- ramble, not rant. Sorry? Ugh.

Just take this, and I hope this topic doesn't come back to me, because I'm kinda done with it entirely at this rate.

[caelanglang]

ive noticed that everyone seems obsessed with fem skk and all that so allow this ask to be a breather. im gonna tell u about my newest bsd fanfic idea!!! i mean, i have other ppl to tell it to as well but they're not invested into bsd like i am. this is more or less a small passionate rant from an author so there's rlly no need to make this into one of ur inbox sketches or anything like that but i don't mind it if u do lmao

ok ok so i LOVE pretty much any humanoid creatures who primarily prey on humans (vampires, zombies, etc.) and now ive been thinking about the possibility of a zombie apocalypse au that's kinda kunikidazai based in which kunikida and dazai were separated from the rest of the ADA but still use their office as a shelter in hopes that they'll find their way back and be reunited. everything is normal up until dazai literally dies from blood loss after being attacked by zombies and kunikida, unable to simply toss his coworker's corpse into the ocean or smth even though he KNOWS he's gonna turn, decides to bring him back to their shelter and barricade him into a spare room. the next day, he wakes up to a now zombified dazai growling and scratching at the door, trying to get out. at this point, it's like a rlly good delve into his ideals and morals, and how far he'll go just to ensure that no one he cares about gets hurt/killed + it gives him a moment of irrationality in his otherwise logical mind. he should've gotten rid of his body, he should've left him behind and not have brought a massive burden on himself but he CARES!! it's evident he does even in canon in one of the light novels so i need to make more content for that.

anyways, days pass. he feeds dazai raw meat from his own rations, believing that it'll calm his friend down until he can find or make a cure for him to bring him back. and then he meets ranpo, the sole survivor of the other group of ADA members (yes, even yosano. zombies are undead and aren't close enough to death for her ability to work on but it's like a rlly fine line) ranpo, in short, is rather jaded. he lost his friends and even the person he viewed as a father figure. when he moves into the shelter in the office, he's reasonably upset by kunikida keeping what he likes to refer to as 'dazai's walking corpse' in a spare room that they could easily put to use now. they argue, ranpo says there isn't a cure and that kunikida should just let him go, kunikida asks why, and then ranpo presents The Glasses™, puts them on, then tells him the truth. there is no cure. he'd be the first to know, other than the creators themselves. once kunikida is stubborn enough to still keep good ole zombie dazai around, ranpo states that he doesn't want him eating their rations if he insists on feeding him. there is still a way to feed him, however. cut to them finding the nearest dead body and then tossing it into dazai's room and hearing him feast on it. not a good day for kunikida's values, that's for sure. oh wait hold on did i mention that i also want kunikida to make a endless supply of ammo with his notebook just in case he encounters danger (that would be cool, but he'd probably try to limit his notebook page usage)

ive also considered adding chuuya and akutagawa, as they got stranded when it happened and have been wandering around by themselves for awhile now. i feel like the cast of characters would be an interesting combination, plus they all have connections to dazai and are all upset about his current condition (to some extent). also chuuya could look at ranpo and go "you're that one punk from the agency that trapped me in a damn book!" cue him almost actually punching ranpo this time but kunikida stopping him somehow. everyone's abilities would be so good in a apocalyptic setting though. rashomon tearing into zombies long before they reach them, or for the tainted sorrow crushing hordes of them in emergency situations. great stuff

i haven't decided on the ending yet becuz there are a lot of contenders. kunikida could make a cure, or he could finally decide to deal with dazai, or they could all get zombified, or maybe he could just leave dazai stuck in that room forever while he, ranpo, and the others find a different place, becuz the ADA and PM are no more.

thank u for reading this rant btw! i enjoyed writing it

— dream

It was a wonderful read :)) Thanks for sharing this! I love love the idea of the bsd assemble set in a zombie apocalypse with their abilities intact! (manga spoilers// similar to the bram's vampirism but not induced by an ability kinda) There's so much to work with in that tbh, a lot of adventures and action and cool combos~

And I love the idea that it centers on Kunikidazai with Kunikida not wanting to leave Dazai behind ;w; I think it really fits them well. I remember reading an adorable webtoon similar to this—two best friends getting caught up in a zombie apocalypse, the main character tries to survive as a human and his best friend becomes a zombie that for some reason is not aggressive or attacking (protective bf troupe lezgooo) It's a very cute one, though I lost track of it's update TwT)) sorry if the comparison might sound offensive! It wasn't my intention, I just really like those kinds of troupes in apocalyptic settings hhhh /gen

Whatever route you choose for the plot, I'm sure it would be fun :)) I'm cheering you on for this au! I just hope you don't take the evil angst route /j

[protagonistheavy]

I cant stress enough how annoying the OW2 PvE shit is. It's a kind of incompetency from a production standpoint that I just cant stand -- it's outright deceptive marketing, telling people for YEARS to get hyped for all this PvE content, only to pull it out from under the userbase's feet.

It was THE thing that a sequel was sold on. That whole animated cinematic with the giant robot and showing off new abilities and getting Overwatch together. Just a total waste of time now, huh.

It's fucking skill trees, too. Was that really too fucking complicated for them to handle? They couldnt just make a web of abilities and bonuses and let you have fun with them, they couldnt figure out how to do that in time. I mean seriously, it's SKILL TREES, every fucking video game has them, it's such a simple thing and Blizzard finds a way to make its users feel like fucking idiots for even wanting/expecting that much.

It sucks for me especially because for the past month I've been brainrotting about what PvE would look like. I was amped imagining all the skill tree combinations, the new mechanics, the possibility of a weapon system to totally change how heroes might play, the gameplay in which you'd get materials to craft upgrades, various items you'd find or bring along on missions... Of course, we get none of that, we get nothing. We get more Archives bullshit, just more linear straightforward missions of horde killing with a few elites.

I just look back and know now that I was silly to think we were getting a good product even at SOME point. How naive I was to not realize how the PvP content and battlepass clearly had all the attention/budget, leaving no time or energy for PvE. I mean lmao, stupid me, for thinking Blizzard could incorporate skill trees, when they showed it off in gameplay trailers and footage as totally functioning. Stupid me for not thinking "oh obviously theyre just gonna scrap this whole aspect of the game."

Disappointment doesnt even begin to describe how I feel. This is just plainly tragic at this point. The dreams back from Overwatch 2016 are just gone now lol. Such a great game with so much potential, wasted. I really cannot imagine myself playing the game anymore at this rate, PvP was barely keeping my interest as a time-passer, but now that the shine has worn off, even that is just dull and uninteresting. I was waiting for PvE, really thought I'd be able to re-engage with the game if I knew that was coming out, but if it's just going to be the same Archives shit with, what, ooooh solo player missions? Yeah fuck off. I wanted real PvE! I wanted to maximize heroes and obtain new abilities and discover fun combos and feel like Im active in the story of Overwatch! But they can't do it! Blizzard just totally dropped that ball and it's taken them years to come out and admit it.

All in all, I just really want to know why Blizzard hates Overwatch's story so much. Why do they constantly keep compromising it. For the sake of PvP? Do they just constantly worry that if they stop making content for PvP for just a little bit, the whole game will die? They put millions of dollars into Overwatch League only for that to effectively capsize within two years, but the most they can do for Overwatch's lore is a few shitty kids books over the span of years? And all these resources they made -- they had a whole fucking demo for PvE content in 2019! All that, just gone? At best recycled for more Archives bullshit? Fuck! Why even ass around and pretend you HAVE a story? Why not just say fuck you a little louder and scrap ALL story content, clearly Blizzard doesn't want to even be engaging with story content so why keep tugging us along acting like one day we're gonna get it? Jesus fucking Christ. How can they do this to their own staff? Making them work on so much bullshit that gets flushed down a toilet. Why even bother. Why even make these people go through the effort of even thinking about story content when it's plainly something that's never gonna happen. Oh my fucking god.

[searching-for-synpathy]

Went back to work today so thats the end of my accidental impromptu semi staycation week of Covid (tm)! Smoked a little and made brownies and binged a ton of insecure with my gf so honesyly a very very good day overall. Tomorow I think were gonna try to get out of the house and practice some driving! Im excited for that. Things are feeling good. Im feeling a little dread about going back to work on Monday (lol), but hey. What are you gonna do. Its not that i hate my job, im just scared of how fast everything is going right now. It was already last week that I was sobbing about not seeing my mom on my birthday. Wild! I havent talked to my dad in a second but i think he’s doing alright. I’ll see him in April anyway, and I do have to figure out if I’m going in May too for my youngest sib’s graduation. I should probably just bite the bullet and make the plans. I miss my family a little, but maybe it’s just that I miss people in general. I mean i love my gf so much and we have so much fun together, but its good to have other ppl too obviously. And were still just in our twenties. Its wild to think how crazy we were just a year or two ago. I wanna do weird stupid drinking nights with my gf! Just gotta find some other friends in the area to do em with. I guess this is what a lot of young adults who are scared of time passing do: create insane weekends so you can fit a ton of “living” into a couple hours on saturday night, lol. We’ll see if that really happens. i would be interested in getting into some singing, dancing, or combination of both-type activity sometime soon.

Feeling a little sad about my college time recently. I guess just wishing I’d had a little more platonic connection with people so that I could have graduated friends in the area. But im grateful for the ones I have! And I know i’m just making up some ideal of an alternate life to compare my own to. My experiences were good. I wouldnt trade anything now for all those times with lil.

Lil’s parents sent me a book as a present for my birthday, which was SO SO SWEET, but the funny thing is that the book so far sounds like it was written by an elementary schooler. Lmfao. I mean it is a book in translation about young adult/adult transitions so its a GOOD BOOK CHOICE FOR A PRESENT, its so sweet and wholesome, i love these parents, but also im cringing through this writing so oftenn 😭😭😭 lmaoo

[hiro-doodlez]

To prev tags (I just put them in my tags)

There was homophobia in the fandom?? Im pretty sure everyone I met in the fandom was really.. NOT straight to say the least lmfao

I mean, when I was in the peak of the Hyperfixation I was either 12 or 13 so of course I was kinda weird about it. Plus you can't generalize an entire fandom based on the most terrible things a handpicked couple of people in it has done (OTHER THAN COUNTRY HUMANS HOLY SHIT BLUEGHHHH I should put country humans in my DNI LMFAO. that fandom is just racism but try to make it cute)

I mean, EVERY fandom is gonna have some good sides and bad sides, and I feel like since DSMP got so big the bad side of things became more and more noticeable to everyone outside of it

Also, about the rude part, in my DSMP phase I met one of my closest and nicest friends I have ever had, Val. (VAL IF YOU SEE THIS HI!!!! HIIIII!!!!! ILY!!) We met on a silly Minecraft server because I was in a faction called "philzas murder" and we were just jumping and hitting each other and having fun

She knows more about me and the shit I've been through than my entire family probably combined. She always understands when I'm upset, she is always is there and always has supported me even after my interests shifted about a million times. She is so incredibly kind and caring I could never have asked for a better friend. I remember randomly joining the server and checking the list of people online, and literally just leaving if she wasn't online. When I was still figuring out if I was Aro/Ace or not, I asked her for some help and she was fully willing to date me for a day and to test things out, and alsk if I would like to be in a QPR. Then when I finally figured it out, she was extremely proud of me and watched multiple videos on what it's like and how to support me. I have literally considered MULTIPLE TIMES moving to her country and hanging out with her practically EVERY DAY. And this all started because we both liked this stupid Minecraft server. Because we both liked the DSMP

I understand being iffy about the fandom but you have to consider that to some people, it was a HUGE comfort. During that part of my life I was healing from so many things and trying to get better (and be better), and at that time DSMP happened to be my form of escapism. I was having trouble making friends and was so sure everyone hated me, but seeing all of these people laugh and genuinely having fun made me have some sense of hope that one day things could and would get better. (I know it's stupid SHHHH) val ended up being the first person who showed me pure and genuine kindness, and it all started because we liked DSMP, the fandom that everyone thinks is pure evil

Also, I don't know if it's worth mentioning but it's also the reason I STARTED (and continued) drawing. AND NOW LOOK AT ME!!

I mean, hell yeah dream fucking sucks and there's tons of people in the fandom that are terrible but that doesn't mean EVERYONE there sucks. The fandom is huge and has so many amazing people it's genuinely amazing

(also prev tags person ty for telling me about this and I'm not mad IN THE SLIGHTEST. Just giving out my take on this because I've been wanting to say this for a LONNGGG time. Also please don't get mad at me for this SODJALSL)

((also sorry for long rant AKDNALSKSN))

Ok wait genuine question for Tumblr, why does everyone hate dream SMP so much??

[dantelionwishes]

life is full of ups and downs downs downs downs dow

loredump under the cut. not kidding when I say its gonna be long!

oh shit you actually clicked keep reading thank you for your interest 😭😭😭

YOU KNOW THE DRILL tw // suggestive dont read ahead if youre uncomfortable with the topic of aphrodisiacs! 

MIDDLE SCHOOL 

before anything, I gotta explain he was born to parents who had an infatuation quirk (makes them hardcore fall in love with you) and an infection quirk (transmits a virus via saliva)  

developed his quirk late, since they usually get it by the time kids are four 

most people knew him as quirkless before the first incident 

in middle school, his class was preparing for a school play, he and his classmate got cast as the main lead prince and princess 

coincidentally, they both had a crush on each other and had a scene where they kissed

technically they weren’t supposed to, since its just a play, but one time they were practicing in private and wanted to try kissing “for real”

so they shared a super giggly cute middle school first kiss but well UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM HIS QUIRK HAD WELL DEVELOPED– 

BADABING BADABOOM YOU HAVE AN IMAGINATION USE IT

the only way for the quirk’s effects to go away is to come at least once or pleasuring yourself until it goes away

I DO NOT WANT TO IMAGINE IT BUT. IMAGINE BEING A TEACHER AND FINDING A MIDDLE SCHOOLER WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER AND AN ADULT IS FORCED TO TELL HER HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY LLLLIKE–

rip now that I’m thinking abt it, I don’t even think anybody would even kNOW HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY so lets imagine she painfully stays that way until they figure out how to make it stop :^(

there’s a big fight that happens between the teachers, principal, and parents of both parties 

of course the crush’s parents got mad and called their kid a fuckin uhhhhh sexual predator or some shit despite also beING THE SAME AGE AND NOT EVEN KNOWING ABT HIS OWN QUIRK LIKE HELLLO

obviously an incident like this is going to spread like wildfire but the principal does not want something like this to leak, especially since it was not on purpose and was a total accident 

the other kid’s parents and some teachers did not feel comfortable however, and sato was forced to drop out

but not wanting to spread the gossip about their son’s quirk and the incident, they leave the town and move someplace else

thankfully, the principal gives the sato family his good grades and a recommendation to a decent highschool for the trouble

they’re originally from osaka, but moved to tokyo 

this is where they start taking precautions with sato, basically teaching him to be careful with his saliva 

it was easily taught and learned esp since the mom was already like that around him and others everyday anyway!! she has to take care of her saliva-based infection quirk, after all 

HIGH SCHOOL

he got enrolled into a regular highschool in tokyo

no hero course, no support course, no business, just a regular ol’ school

if before, he loved surrounding himself with people, this was where he was forced to develop a lonely disposition to protect himself and others

at least his parents were very protective and supportive of him and they were generally a happy family!

but in school, pretending to be quirkless was just as difficult, getting bullied or pitied for having no special abilities 

his excuse for wearing a mask all the time was because his mother had a virus-related quirk, and had to be careful 

one day his dad was suddenly got really, really sick

the more he had an excuse to wear a mask because he didnt want to get whatever disease his father started to develop 

sato started thinking it could be his mother (but why?) the results didn’t say anything about an unknown virus killing him (which is his mom’s quirk), and that his father really did contract a strong yet very normal disease 

while on his second year in highschool, his father, yozo sato, died 

apparently, without him knowing anything about his parents, his mother, oba sato, was actually under the dad’s infatuation quirk this whole time

she realised she wasn’t really in love with him when oba had accidentally allowed a drop of her saliva to fall into the meal she was making him, making him sick, and therefore making him weak enough to deactivate his quirk on her 

oba, back in her college years, wanted to marry someone else but yozo, who had a crush on her wanted her to himself, used his quirk to make him fall in love with her 

so in revenge for making her put up with him all these years to the point of marriage and having a kid, she continued to do this to his food 

her quirk doesn’t make anybody sick enough to die, but it made her husband’s immune system weak enough to the point that it contracted a real, serious disease which he ended up dying from instead 

sato only finds out the real story when he graduates from highschool, days right after his graduation the mom confesses it all 

she does say she truly loves him, but can’t stay around him knowing he was technically “unconsensual love”

sato gets reminded of what his quirk does, and true enough, that’s what him and his quirk turned out to be (a sick combination of his mom and his dad) 

they cant bear to be around each other after that revelation and decide to just not see each other again 

COLLEGE YEARS

he enrolls into an education course, inspired by the kind principal who helped him finish his middleschool-highschool education when it all started going downhill 

sato struggles paying for his college fees esp since he doesn’t exactly have his parents supporting him anymore, nor any contact with immediate family 

he has a lot of part time jobs that go all around the clock, he continues pretending to be quirkless so he gets bullied, and has to deal with all that emotional baggage plus being alone so…….clearly my man is TIRED as hell 

his side job hustles include: convenience store cashier, bookstore attendant, bar bouncer, and rookie gym trainer (he went to the local gym long enough for him to get recommended a job as a trainer)

college was that point where he starts developing a hardcore yearning for a companion because oh my god hes so lonELY (but cant)

ANYWAY SO

there’s this bully guy who always picks on him in college (for being “quirkless” and a loner and overall a fuckin weirdo with a mask)

tbh sato doesnt really give a shit he’s so used to it but he doesnt have his mother as an excuse to wear the mask anymore, this is where he starts forming the “I have bad breath” excuse 

“口臭い” (kuchi kusai) translates to “bad breath” or “stinky mouth” so sato unlovingly gets nicknamed “kusato”

one day he’s walking around the campus at night and finds the bully with his gang cornering another quirkless student, with plans of assaulting her 

sato was never the hero type, and was about to ignore the commotion as to not get involved, but something in him moved on its own and he found himself face to face with the gang 

he confronts them, but the bully mocks both him and the girl for not having powers to stop them anyway 

SIKE BITCH sato’s able to easily strike the other two guys, knock them off their feet enough to be able to tug the to-be victim aside, telling her to report them, before asking her to run away as fast as she can

none of the guys want that (they’re all students) so they have a full on brawl (and this isnt hero academy, its a totally normal university so I wouldn’t assume these guys had very impressive quirks)

except the main bully actually has a pretty decent quirk (he’s like a kinda half human half dragon with sharp claws, scales, and dragon eyes) and gets to injure sato with his sharp claws, seriously injuring his face

a part of his ear is also sort of sliced off, which is how his mask gets accidentally removed in the process 

the dragon bully grabs him by the collar and starts angrily shouting at him for ruining his night, being able to do all this shit without a quirk and all and all other derogatory speech 

“Well? what do you have to say for yourself?!“ 

Sato stays silent before spitting right into the bully’s mouth 

The bully drops him immediately, about to angrily fuck him up for doing something super fucking gross but WHOOP WHOOP YOU KNOW WHATS BOUTTA HAPPEN the quirk works immediately and the bully is a TOTAL MESS on the ground 

Im going to TLDR this part cos its…obviously nsfw but like: sato fully embarrasses him in public (beside the bully’s two colleges nonetheless) 

sato stays in the hospital for some time to heal from his wounds 

fortunately, afterwards, the bullies all get expelled 

unfortunately for sato, he also gets expelled for engaging in bad behaviour, and the bully did say what happened to him (and the college principal did not want his…dangerous quirk on campus) so as to lower any incident, all four were expelled 

at least without having to pay for college fees anymore, he could fully focus on paying for food, shelter, and clothes 

minus of course the hospital bills needed to pay plus he got a sick ass scar from it anyway HAHAHAHA BSDJHJRHDHF

ADULT LIFE

he had a lot of jobs here and there, but was more or less doing best as a trainer at a local gym where people weren’t allowed to use their quirks and strengthen their body regularly 

a few years went by and he eventually shrugged off everything that happened in his final college years but one day someone familiar walked into the gym! It was the fellow college student he saved!!!

she became a policewoman who wanted to get stronger in this quirkless friendly gym and hadn’t given up on her dreams of being a “hero,” inspired by how sato saved her that day

sato never really saw himself as some hero, he was left many nights alone thinking about how easily he could become a villain with his quirk, so hearing that really made him happy 

he trains her as her gym coach and she eventually asks him to join her patrol this small part of the city from a gang that was currently going around doing crimes since he’s good at it anyway, saying she could use some extra hands hehe

so yeah!! he does this side gig with her where he patrols alongside her looking for gang crimes and such c:

AND ONE DAY. [WISTFUL SIGH] ONE DAY. HE FINDS SOMEBODY GETTING MUGGED BY A GANG MEMBER AND SAVES………A CERTAIN MAN–

thank you for reading all the way here!!!

feel free to ask for questions or for any clarifications 😭😭😭!!!!!!

[arr-jim-lad]

If you don't mind me asking, could you tell me about DIO and how he became your favourite? I'm curious!

you know what that's a really good question and i wish i had a clear answer but it kinda just happened lmfao. there was some process to it that i can easily narrow down though and i will gladly dive into it and try to explain it because you KNOW i'll take any chance to talk about god damned DIO lmao

im gonna try to make this as coherent as possible but please bear with me, i'm pulling an allnighter and am currently in the 24th hour of awakedness so lmao

ok first; initially kakyoin was actually my favourite for a while, and after a while i'd say i like them the same, but we all knew. we all knew i was a dirty little liar. i have 4 kakyoin figures. i have a DIO shrine. i wrote several analyses of DIO. my god damned phone background is DIO. idk who i was trying to fool lmao

the funny thing is that before i watched jojo i actually fucking hated DIO lmfao, there was a blog here that posted undertale quotes and i really enjoyed it, but then one day the blog decided to just start posting 'you expected x but it was me, dio' memes and it was extremely unfunny and annoying and i hated it and i hated him lmfao

then i watched jojo with my friend and i just thought DIO was funny in like a fucked up way, mind you i watched the dub which made him extra funny with the british accent

i "liked" him but more like as a joke. i did really enjoy just the sheer extent of how vile he was though, making a mom eat her own baby is still one of my favourite fucked up things i've ever seen a villain do. it's the way he had fun with being absolutely reprehensible that made him so much fun to watch. i love when villains are fun.

having seen him in parts 1 and 3 i still kinda liked him as a meme and eventually as like, "i hate that i like him lol"

but like, then i've seen the OVA, and DIO spoke with andrew chaikin's voice in the dub and i was just kinda uh 😳

because like andew chaikin's freaking DIO voice???? hi hello??

also just in general how DIO is in the ova... his design and animation are fucking stellar and he was just a freaking delight to watch, but his voice made him particularly comforting to me.

so yeah it was the ova. the ova is to blame for all of this.

i do feel a need to mention because this is something that would make me super uncomfortable if people misunderstood it, but as i am aro/ace, my love for DIO is not of a romantic or sexual nature at all. i'd describe it more as like.. adoration? i see him as a muse and a comfort character.

the reason i actually really started liking DIO so much and why i consider him a comfort character is because he turned out to be just.. amazingly, delightfully comfortable to draw. i enjoy drawing him so much. i've drawn him 128 times and plan to draw him many more times. i think my art has improved immensely just from how much i've drawn him, especially when it comes to more muscular bodies, which i really didn't enjoy drawing before.

he's so incredibly fun to draw because he combines this macho huge body with fashion and elegance and beauty, and drama and evil and danger and egypt and vampires. there's always something about him that's gonna inspire me to draw another piece of him. i haven't had an art block since i started drawing him (though worth noting is that my mascot Luv has also been a top notch fighter against art block; him and DIO are my main muses to always keep me drawing and experimenting and creating new approaches)

I also think DIO is a hugely interesting character, as it's apparent by how much i've written about him in the past. i think his motivation is so messed up and convoluted and interesting because yeah a fucked up vampire who's been isolated underwater for 100 years would probably not exactly be a stable and rational person lmao

to me as someone with social anxiety, the fact that his main goal is to achieve peace of mind is also really interesting. uh, spoiler for stone ocean here so im gonna cross it through so people won't accidentally catch a glimpse of it but, ok firstly i think DIO's plan was absolutely batshit and definitely not the right thing to do LMAO, but i love that he literally wants to change reality to know what's gonna happen next, because not knowing things in advance is preventing him from achieving his peace. like im not saying i relate to DIO because i really don't, but as someone who's been very familiar with anxiety, it's really interesting to see that as a villain's motivation (also might as well mention i don't think DIO has anxiety, i think it's more like frustration over lack of control with him, also he's a huge paranoic)

i want to also talk about his philosophy that i genuinely love so much, and that is the concept of gravity as he means it on that famous panel. DIO's idea of gravity is a very zen concept, it's the idea that fate will bring you where you need to be, fate will make you meet the people you need to meet, etc. as someone who struggles with anxiety, that is a really compelling idea to me, which helped me overcome stressful situations long before i got into jojo. of course i do understand that to some people the idea of a predetermined fate can be terrifying and tbh i totally get it, but for me, when it comes to anxiety-inducing situations, the idea of "gravity" has helped me be less stressed. it's a very interesting concept and i love that it's something that's so deeply ingrained in DIO's philosophy. (PS just so you know whenever i say DIO's plan was a good idea i am joking 100% of the time, i would not want to live in the world he wanted to create. however, it's funny to say DIO was thinking of us socially anxious folks so im gonna keep saying it lmao)

you know, it's also really funny that like.. DIO ended up being such a massive beloved comfort character of mine, because like up until him, i generally got attached to characters who were very Good and Wholesome lmao. tfw the two characters that served as the most important comfort characters for me in my life were DIO and......... Papyrus from Undertale LMAO

they are almost polar opposites, but what they both have in common is that they are both very confident, and i'd say that while characters who doubt themselves are generally those i personally relate to, characters who are confident are the ones i gravitate towards for "support". Papyrus has been a character who i honestly hold single-handedly responsible for helping me turn my life around and just.. had an amazing impact on my mental health. i dont want to know who i'd be today if i never got into undertale.

with DIO, i feel like part of the reason why im so joyous and loud about how much i love him and why im so open about how much fun im having enjoying his character so much is because if i were to meet this character back then, when i was in college or in high school, i would never allow myself to enjoy this. i think that to me, DIO being such a huge comfort character represents like... something? i can't quite put my finger on it, but i feel a certain kind of pride and freedom about it because i know i overcame something in these past few years, and that i am much better and happier for it in every aspect.

i am very much a person who gets deeply attached to things or characters that i associate with positive changes in my life. because i've been at such a low point once in my life, i cling to things that remind me of how far i've come.

im just like.. really happy to be here as i am and DIO somehow became a deeply ingrained part of that.

[familyagrestefanblog]

Shadow Moth forshadowing detail + S4 Theory

I kinda just noticed something about Gabriels design concerning his Miraculous and I'm a bit mind blown right now tbh

I always thought it was odd that the character designers chose to hide the quite small butterfly brooch under a much bigger tie

Of course, as one can see in the transformation sequence, that "problem" gets solved when Nooroo activates the Miraculous. In the active Form the butterfly miraculous would indeed require a bigger hiding place such as a tie but the thing is, when the miraculous IS activated Gabriel doesn't wear the tie. So that "solution" is invalidated.

Its nothing that ever really bothered me much, I just found it ODD because they could have chosen anything for his casual wear but they stuck with something unnecessary big concidering the size of the object they want to hide with it.

But THEN I just remembered Shadow Moth from the upcoming s4 and... dude, the tie covering so much more space underneath than needed for the Butterfly miraculous was totally not a random decision.

The placements of the butterfly and peacock miraculous' actually line up perfectly with the size of the tie.

As I said the butterfly miraculous increases its size quite alot, it would probably cover almost half of the hidden area. But half also indicates that there is still space left and that remaining space is just right for the peacock miraculous

Looking at Natalies design both as her civilian self and as Mayura one can clearly see that the peacock is placed on a lower point as the butterfly.

And I just noticed how brilliantly they included the turtlenecks and "around areas" into her designs. Mayura doesn't need the same "upper space" as Hawkmoth does so she has all of that neck fluff. Whereas with Natalies normal clothing the red shirt area now looks actually "well used" and complete, where formerly it looked quite empty. Not too much to be off putting but seeing the peacock there on her civilian design feels like the missing piece of her design finally was added

But let me come back to this in a second, there is something else I wanna finish up first.

Thinking about the fact that the butterfly miraculous get alot bigger I noticed that it certainly is no coincidence either that Mayuras Miraculous stays the same size

As I showed right at the beginning the activated butterfly would take up so much space that, with taking Gabriels clothing layout into account, the peacock miraculous (as the second one added to his character) wouldn't be allowed to change in size because it wouldn't look visually appealing anymore. So both Natalies and Gabriels civilian designs were modelled from the get - go in a way that the peacock can stay the same size.

But all of this still leaves open some big implications. The way I am showcasing it implies that:

1. Gabriel is going to wear the peacock often and for long enough to justify setting up his character model with it in mind. I was always certain that Shadow Moth is not a combination we will only get to see 1 or 2 times but when I now realize that him wearing the peacock as well is apperently such a crucial aspect of his character arc that they set it up on this scale, I do have to wonder what's the plan here and how it'll correspond to

2. Unlike Gabriels civilian design, Natalies "completed" one including the peacock miraculous straight up implies that she won't be hiding it AT ALL. That's actually the most interesting aspect about this when I think about it. Sure the other miraculous from our heros aren't hidden either but one would think that Natalie would know better than to just wear a peacock pin out in broad daylight at the same spot Mayura does. Especially considering that Gabriel IS going to hide both Miraculous. There needs to be a reason why for it's okay for Natalie when it's so obviously not for Gabriel.

And I might actually have an answer for this

Ever since the Fandom very early caught onto the hints that Emilie was the former peacock miraculous holder a very specific thought came up and kinda stayed with some fans (me included) and I think we actually weren't off with that assumption at all.

The thought im talking about is of course the idea that in "the collector" Adrien didn't reacted to the peacock miraculous because for him it is simply a very dear and special jewelry of his mother. So seeing that his father is keeping it in his safe is not something that should come with much of a surprise. Hence why he didn't.

"But what does this have to do with Natalie?", you might ask and I say it actually could be quite simple at this point.

The show is making no secret out of Gabriel starting to fall in love with Natalie as well. The new york special even had him placing a PINK rose onto Emilies coffin instead of a red one, which as we know from "Weredad" symbolizes a platonic love.

Gabenath is happening (how it'll end is another question tho). With all of the set up and development to this point I actually DO would say that Gabriel will start moving on with Natalie (but will of course stay Hawkmoth and terrorize Paris because his quest has become less and less for his family and more for his own selfish and sadistic ego) which makes her suddenly wearing a peacock pin actually not suspicious at all.

In the eyes of the public and especially ADRIEN it would simply mean that Gabriel has fallen in love again and that Natalie has now reached the level of belonging in the Agreste family that she is now wearing the very special jewelry of Emilie. Bonus points if Adrien gives his blessing for her wearing it as well and ends up being the factor why she wears it from then on all the time because if we are gonna rip his heart out with the reveals, let's at least do it properly

But that still doesn't explain the paradoxical set up of Natalie wearing the miraculous permanently openly and Gabriels model being designed to wear the peacock much more often than we initially thought.

Well this is where I will go once again even deeper into theory land, if your interested in that, read further under the cut:

A possibility here is that Gabriel Miraculous jewelry collection comes into play.

It's an aspect of the show that has hardly been used til now and it would provide a solid solution for the problem. The piece of jewelry Natalie wears draws no suspicion to itself if it's seen at the same time Hawkmoth wears both the butterfly and the peacock.

I definitely don't think Natalie will wear it right from the beginning of the season, it'll most likely come through development and a special dedicated episode. My guess is on the forshadowed Sabine as "Verity Queen" and it'll be a mother's day episode.

Marinette has so much to do because of her duties as Ladybug and guardian that she can't spend the day with her mother because she has to leave constantly, leading Sabine to just want to know what her daughter is doing so important that mothers day isn't important anymore. Cue akumatization. In the same episode I see Adrien (after the Marinette& Sabine reunion scene) really welcoming Natalie as his new mother right up front to her and maybe even taking the peacock pin (his mothers "dear jewelry") out of Gabriels safe to give it to her as a symbol that she's for him his new mother figure.

Prior he would have seen Gabriel with the pin in his hand and thinking which Adrien interprets as "Father is thinking about moving on with Natalie" but as the peacock pin is not just that (and Gabriel refuses (but actually does want to) to move on properly) that interpretation is not quite all of the truth. So Adrien is the one to (ironically) give Natalie the miraculous permanently because even if his father still refuses to move on and take the opportunity to be happy again, that won't stop Adrien from having a new mother. You can have a new mother (figure) without your other parent making the official move first.

This is so sweet and heartbreaking and HORRIBLE at the same time, it’s totally something Miraculous would do! The show never hold back really using the double identities for stark contrast or set up for a brutal pay off (especially with the Agrestes which can only result in a disaster at this point).

Of course this is just one idea, not saying it'll 100% happen like this, it's just a possibility I really really like (Also for Sabine).

"Varity Queen" imo being near the middle of the season Gabriel and Natalie would afterwards definitely need the fake peacock miraculous from Gabriels jewelry line (A fake Peacock IS something said in a tweet a while ago I just can't find it anymore) as a cover up because Natalie will have to/WANT to wear the pin Adrien gave her from then on permanently. So while Gabriel brings chaos as Shadow Moth Natalie wears the fake Miraculous as civilian.

Or... You know...

Since Natalie was the one parent in the forshadow episode "Chat Blanc" who was shown to be genuinely upset and shocked that Adrien turned out to be Chat Noir (whereas Gabriel skyrocketed his cunt level to a new level) and then wasn't to be seen anymore later with Hawkmoth in the fight, maybe after finding out about Adriens identity which is forshadowed like crazy Gabriel thinks he's gonna have to take some... precautions concerning Natalie loyalty since Adrien and her are forming a strong mother/ son bond (while Gabriel himself becomes a more and more horrible father. And Him being the “loving family father who would do anything for his family” is what Natalie loves him for) and he fears Natalie will choose Adrien over him. So a fake Miraculous will definitely come in handy while he can properly hide the real one under his tie (which of course doesn't mean he'll be the one to keep the real Miraculous in the end)

It's a possibility. Something like this is VERY likely to happen in my opinien because I personally can't see how this family tragedy is supposed to end up as anything else than in flames after the reveals (including Adriens and Natalies bond) so this is the way I see their future.

[lewanarta]

Hi again, thank you so much it helped me alot but if you don't might i have new questions ((haha). I noticed most of jumpers are from cold countries (duh) so it's difficult to have a south hemisphere jumper? and between traditional countries there's big rivalries? not gonna lie I love rivalries, which country produces the best? i follow figure skating I know russias ladies are the best. What's the gap between women's and men's commercially technically etc etc? the other post says 50 jumpers first round 30 second round it's the same for women? tennis other sport i love, big events like grand slam and masters/wta 1000 men and women competes in the same courts same amount of players, i was so shock when i find out women's were only introduced at Olympics in freaking 2014 are things getting better now? i didn't really get the scores how it works if jumps distance + judges scores then which fundamentals are they giving scores to? how do i know if the scores are fair? and for how long their careers last? figure skaters have such short career it's kinda sad ((im talking about fs because it's the only other winter sports i follow but i put in my mind no i don't wanna suffer with just one winter sport i want more suffering)

Hi again, my favorite Anon! I hope that you like long reads, because I've made a whole essay for you 😅 Let's go!

→ South hemisphere jumpers

I think, that it would be very difficult now, if not impossible. There are no ski jumping hills in the southern hemisphere, so it’s impossible to train the sport in these countries. In the far past there were some hills in Australia, New Zealand or Argentina, but ski jumping in these countries was more of an unusual curiosity than a professional sport. If anybody from the South would be interested in becoming a ski jumper, they would need to move thousands of kilometers away from home to Europe (or USA or Japan) to even try.

→ Rivalries

There are 6 countries, that are big in ski jumping: Austria, Germany, Norway, Slovenia, Japan and Poland (for men). Finland used to be big, but they regressed dramatically in the last decade. Also now Russia is trying to join the best – they’ve got many talented young jumpers, but for some reasons they can’t make it to the top of the top as adults). These national teams compete with each other for the highest stakes, but it is purely sports rivalry – the athletes are usually friendly towards each other (people involved in ski jumping and the fandom are called the “ski jumping family” for a reason 😉). It is especially visible among women – I don’t remember who said it, but it got stuck in my brain, that there are very few people in the world, who ski jump, and that creates this bond between them, because they know, that they are all extraordinary and share something very special.

There are some tensions between fans though, like in every sport. The last big drama I remember was between the Polish fans and fans of Halvor Egner Granerud last season during the Four Hills Tournament. Halvor gave an emotional interview after one of the competitions which wasn’t good for him and the combination of his emotional speech, mistranslations and media seeking for sensation created the narration, that he thinks, that Kamil Stoch, who was his main rival at the tournament, was just lucky, and that Halvor is sick of it. The Polish fans obviously didn’t like it and cancelled Halvor, were sending him nasty messages, etc., but after a few days he apologized to Kamil (who seemed to not care about the whole fuss at all) and the conflict was (somewhat) resolved. But almost every season some kind of drama or a rivalry happens, it’s just hard to tell before the World Cup starts who’s gonna be involved 😅 The rivalries between the countries or athletes that last for years are almost non existent in ski jumping these days, though.

→ How many ski jumpers start in the competitions?

A ski jumping competition consists of two rounds. For men: 50 start in the first round, then 30 best of them jump in the final round. For women: 40 start in the first round, then 30 best of them jump in the final round. Only these 30 best athletes collect the World Cup points.

There are also team competitons. For both men and women, every nation can put in 1 team consisting of 4 jumpers. Teams competitions consist of two rounds and 8 best teams qualify to the final round. A special kind of teams competitions are mixed teams competitions (my personal favorite), where rules are the same, but teams must consist of two men and two women.

→ Scoring

There are three components that make up for the final score for a jump:

Distance – distance score depends on the hill's K-point. K-point is a distance, that a ski jumper has to reach to collect base 60 points. For every meter beyond the K-point, the competitor is awarded extra points; the typical value is 2 points per meter on normal hills (K-point 85-109m), 1.8 points on large hills (K-point 110-184m) and 1.2 points on ski flying hills (K-point >185m). A jump's distance is measured between the take-off and the point where the feet came in full contact with the landing slope (for abnormal landings, touchpoint of one foot, or another body part is considered). Jumps are measured with accuracy of 0.5 meters for all competitions.

Style - during the competition, five judges are based in a tower at the side of the landing slope. They can award up to 20 points each for jumping style, based on keeping the skis steady during flight, balance, optimal body position (whatever it means), and landing. One highest and one lowest style score are disregarded, with the remaining three scores added to the distance score. So a ski jumper can earn max. 60 points for style in a single jump.

Style points are the most controversial, because they depend on the jury members' subjective impressions of the jumps. So you will probably encounter endless discussionss on jury marks, especially if the point differences between jumpers during the competition are very small. So how do you know if the scores are fair? Objectively, you can’t tell, unless the judge makes an obvious mistake (for example, if a ski jumper touches the ground and they still get a high mark).

Generally, landing is the most important when it comes to the style points. The most required way of landing the jump is called “telemark”: landing with one foot in front of the other with knees slightly bent. Failure to execute a Telemark landing leads to the reduction of style points. This is how a well executed telemark landing looks like:

If you’d like to see how the perfect jumps should look like, check out these two videos. The first one is a very rare example of a jump that was labeled “perfect” by the judges (it got five “20s”).

The second one is a jump that I personally consider perfect.

These should give you an idea to what you should compare the jumps you will see in the future 😊

In theory, style points shouldn’t depend on distance. In practice, jury awards more points to the ski jumpers that jump further, even if a ski jumper that jumped shorter jumps “prettier”, which is another controversy around the style points. So yeah, style marks are a tough topic not only in figure skating 😅

Wind and gate – I’ll just copy-paste Wiki here: “Gate and wind factors were introduced by the 2009 rules, to allow fairer comparison of results for a scoring compensation for variable outdoor conditions. Aerodynamics and take-off speed are important variables that affect the jump length, and if weather conditions change during a competition, the conditions will not be the same for all competitors. Gate factor is an adjustment made when the inrun (or start gate) length is adjusted from the initial position in order to provide optimal take-off speed. Since higher gates result in higher take-off speeds, and therefore present an advantage to competitors, points are subtracted when the starting gate is moved up, and added when the gate is lowered. An advanced calculation also determines compensation points for the actual unequal wind conditions at the time of the jump. These points are added or withdrawn from the original scores of the individual jump according to the wind conditions; when there is back wind, the points are added, and when there is front wind, the points are subtracted”.

To sum up: distance+style+wind+gate=total score.

→ How long their careers last?

Ski jumpers' careers are usually longer than the ones of skaters, so you can quite safely get attached to the athletes for years 😊 If nothing bad happens (like an injury, financial problems, burn-out, etc.), ski jumpers usually retire when they’re 30-35. There are some who jump longer, though, like Daniela Iraschko-Stolz (who I introduced you to in the other ask), Simon Ammann or Noriaki Kasai (an all time record holder, who’s 49 and still competing!).

→ Women’s ski jumping

There we go, my favorite sport in the world, that I could talk hours and hours about ♥ I left it for the end, because I knew this would take many words to talk about it. Women’s ski jumping is so amazing, but so underappreciated, not only in comparison to men’s ski jumping, but even to other women’s sports in general.

As you noticed, there’s a significant gap between men and women’s ski jumping in terms of recognition, following, money and even in how they’re treated by the organizations like the International Ski Federation (FIS) or International Olympic Committee. If I could compare it to any other sport, I think that it’s similar to men and women’s football. You noticed it well, that wsj was introduced at the Olympics only in 2014, 90 years after men! So you already have a vague idea with what scale of inequality we’re dealing with here.

Men have more competitions – not only World Cup, but also at the Olympics and in the lower “divisions” of ski jumping, where younger or amateur jumpers compete. Less competitions mean less money. But women earn much MUCH less than men not only because of that. The women’s prizes are about 1/3 smaller than men’s; while 30 best competitors get money prizes in men’s World Cup, it’s only 20 best for women; women don’t earn money prizes for winning the qualification round to the competition, while men do; and finally, women for years haven’t had extra tournaments during the season. Luckily the last thing changed recently with introduction of the Raw Air Tournament for both sexes, as well as the Blue Bird Tournament for women only. Unfortunately, there’s no women’s Four Hills Tournament yet. If I could compare it to tennis, imagine that only men could compete in the Wimbledon.

Yeah.

Another thing that women suffer from is worse TV coverage. It is often hard to find broadcasts or streams of their competitions, even in the countries where ski jumping is popular, so many fans, even if they wanted to follow wsj, just have no legal way to do so. Due to this and the sport being fairly young, the interest in women’s ski jumping is smaller, so it generates less money. And when the income is smaller, it creates problems and I’m under impression, that many events organizers and FIS officials don’t realize, that to earn on women’s ski jumping, they must invest in it first.

The most harsh example of inequality in ski jumping was the last season. Due to the pandemic, many competitions were canceled. And while almost every canceled men’s event found a replacement, it wasn’t the case for the women, which resulted in many long gaps in the calendar and a very late start of the season. The backlash in the ski jumping world was huge, though – not only ski jumping women and their fans loudly expressed their dissatisfaction with the situation, but even fans that weren’t into women’s ski jumping noticed, that something is clearly wrong here. To sum up, women’s ski jumping is a sport for passionates – when the hard-work to benefits ratio is so unfavorable, especially in comparison to male athletes doing literally the same, then you really have to love what you do to keep going.

As for technique, at the first sight the difference is almost non existent. Women are smaller and have less strength than men though, so the inrun length needs to be longer for them to reach the same distances as men, but this is unnoticeable and doesn’t affect the watchers impressions of the jump in anyway. Less strength and different anatomy (wider hips, weaker knees) can make the telemark landing more difficult to do for women, but again, it doesn’t affect the perception of jumps too much. On the other hand, women are argued to have bodies better adjusted to flying than men :)

What’s more, there’s a bigger gap between the best and weaker/less experienced women than between men ski jumpers. The distance differences on the large hill can reach about 30-40 meters between the 1st and the 30th jumper in the women’s competition, while for men it’s usually about 15 meters. Let’s take a look at the Top 10s of women and men’s competition hosted at the same weekend on the same hill.

Take a look at the distances and points differences. Also, men’s ranking is a perfect example of how style+wind&gate points can affect the standings 😉

These big differences between women are result of many athletes being very young, underfunded and/or amateur vs. only a handful being fully pro. But the situation is changing for the better – if we don’t consider previous season, which was a step back in fight for equality, women’s sport is growing, with more tournaments, more competitions (also at the Olympics and World Championships), better coverage and more competitions on bigger hills.

Ah, right. The hills. For years, women were allowed to compete only on normal hills – women’s competitons on the large hill at the World Championships were introduced only this year and at the Olympics women still don’t compete on the large hills, while men do! Regular competitions on the large hills during the World Cup are a fairly new thing and still many people (mostly men) argue, that women can’t jump on the large hills, which… isn’t true? I mean yes, the differences between the best and last competitors are bigger than in men’s ski jumping, but if the inrun length in well adjusted, then women can safely jump just as far as men and provide very exciting competitions. Unfortunately, the inrun length is barely ever well adjusted, which can be pretty frustrating, both for athletes and fans.

One last example of sexism in ski jumping is women’s ban on the largest hills – the ski flying hills, where ski jumpers can fly over 200m. It’s ridiculous, especially considering that until 2009 women COULD jump on them and not only women got technically better since the 2000s, but also the hills are much safer now. I believe, that it is a matter of a few years for the women to be allowed on the biggest hills, especially considering engagement of many women ski jumpers in the case and seeing, that changes in equality are going into the right direction.

If you’d like to know more about women’s ski jumping and the athletes, I recommend watching the “Tamers of the Wind” documentary on Youtube. It’s in English (with subs!) and about 40 minutes long and while it’s mainly focused on the Blue Bird Tournament, it also could give you a general idea who the athletes are and what challenges and struggles are affecting women’s ski jumping.

I hope that you reached this last paragraph and enjoyed my super long ramblings about ski jumping. And sorry that you have waited so long for an answer 😅 Welcome to the Ski Jumping Family, I hope you’ll enjoy suffering together over one more winter sport 😊

[rosewinelonging]

.

so theres something i wanted to talk about. <- HOLY SHIT that sounds like the beginning of a youtube drama apology video LOL its actually not serious at all i just wanted talk abt my writing. an umm this is kinda gonna be personal in a way usually wouldnt put on a porn blog but! who cares lol this is my blog an i can do w/e i want

but first i wanted to say like. how genuinely shocked i am abt the amount of attention i recieved. when i started this blog it was just on a whim. i sat down one day and wrote 70+ posts in my drafts before i unprivated and started posting them. i never expected to get more than 10 followers tops but now, if u combine my followers here an on twitter i have over 70 an ill probably hit a hundred in the next couple months. its not a huge number but for me it honestly is. an then i started the server an got to talking with people an i was like wow! people actually really enjoy in content

i deal with a lot of, not shame but just embarrassment around writing super indulgent stuff because its like shit im really bearing my soul out here lol and also as my followers uve probably noticed a common trend of me taking ideas an expanding on them past just the porn aspect by adding plot or headcannons or trying to realistically come up with ideas of why characters would act in certain ways. so i guess im jus gonna explain why i do that

so first things first: i. actually im not that interested in sex. i mean i like masturbating and i like girls and i wouldnt turn it down its just in general im happy with myself an writing. ive honestly questioned if i was asexual for a long time but i dont like to be bogged down by labels so it just is what it is. my sexual fantasys that actually involve myself are usually me jus cuddling an kissing a girl thats literally about it LOL

so because of that i dont really like porn? or just straight up porn? i mean i DO i watch it on the daily an i love lookin at porn art but honestly i can never get off to it. the only thing that really does it for me tho is listening to [real] girls moaning thats hot as hell i would love to get a bitch beneath me jus to hear her sound like that

but for stuff like reading porn fics, unless its REALLY good i dont bother. most jus feel repetitive an boring. not shitting on other ppls writing thats usually completely fine its jus if its straight sex im not interested. bc im not really in it for the sex! im in it for i dont know how to explain it, the more psychological reasons? i enjoy reading about characters an thinking about why they would things and how putting them in different scenarios would make them change. im less interested in them as a character but rather what they represent.

when i say 'playing dolls' im completely serious.

so i get worried a lot that ppl wont like when i treat it like that because theyre usually so far removed from the actual homestuck elements that i try to avoid those aspects entirely which is cutting out a good chunk of content i make or want to make.

ah hmmm i feel like im gonna get misunderstood. SUDDEN SHIFT OF TOPIC! i am autistic obv which probably plays into why i view things so analytically. im not an emotional person at all despite how my typing style may be. i have a generally detached view of the world which definitely translates to my writing. but another thing i havent talked abt is im severely dyslexic. like bad bad. and it makes writing extraordinarily difficult because it heavily effects the way i think and how i put words together in a negative way. its like everything is completely disconnected and i have to figure out a way to put it together in a way that makes sense hence my sometimes over-convulted word choice, blunt writing and a distinct lack of pretty sentences, and the god awful amount of commas and run on sentences

it leads to me struggling really hard with getting the right words. i dont get writers block but i do get a sentence that looks wrong and leaves me sitting confused for 30 minutes to months at a time.

SO what im trying to say is im very. unconfident in my ability to words things in a way thats clear and well strung together ESPECIALLY in rants like this. i dont know what to do about that but im just putting it out there.

anyway. wow ive noticed this is getting so long lol yea i literally never shut up i have too many thoughts at all times BUT with all that being said i think its far enough down that most ppl stop reading but i wanted to talk abt a few of my longfics that ive honestly been too embarrassed to talk abt now that i have an active audience who actually enjoys my content bc 1. its not what most ppl come here for an 2. it makes me feel pretentious when i talk about it LOL

but if youve scrolled long enough through my blog youve probably seen me mentioned psychostriders au a few times. honestly I HATE IT!! I HATE THE AU AND THE ORIGINAL PREMISE IT SUCKS SOOOOO BAD. but also i love the general concept of murderers an kidnapping an torture etc etc. ive developed a few of my own versions of this au [sorry i cant stress this enough, the whole hitman thing is so fucking stupid. it sucks. severely.] one of which im actively writing and the others i have plans to do so one day.

THE REASON! i havent talked abt it is cause idk guys rnt my brand an ive kept it strider / john throughout all the fics. like i love john. hes my little lad, gender? beyond comprehension to others and himself. he/him lesbian vibes tbh but anyway the fics. arent about the characters. like you couldnt switch out the names with other characters and ive kept 'base' traits but honestly i dont know or really care how close it is to canon. all i DO care about is that its realistic in the situation and regarding the personalilites ive settled on.

but as ive said before these fics arent about the characters as characters but also it is but also the main part about them are the themes. the themes and the meanings and the psychological aspect behind their actions and the utter despair john goes through. im not writing these bc 'oh! this would b hot' cause i could go that whenever. i have a million other stories like that. im writing it because i have an abstract concept i want to look into and im simply using these characters to play the part and explore it

so i guess i just get worried abt talking abt that bc! its hugely self-indulgant and its not rlly abt the porn part. honestly the main fic [which is Scarlet Begonias] has few sex scenes scattered about, nothing in the first half. and god! i love this fic i love writing it and im still in the first drafting phase [i have everything written out in bullet points but i need to actually write it out. tho its only the ending chapters. after that ill get into my second draft.] and im so excited to one day have it written out. and its gonna be GOOD. im going to pour my heart and soul into it im going to rewrite it a hundred times until im satisfied and when im done im going to publish a second version with added authors commentary picking it apart.

it means a whole lot to me because its the culmination of everything i love to write about. but. idk i guess im jus worried abt being that personal now that i have an actual audience bc im a porn writer lol <- THATS NOT TO SAY i dont want to be seen as a porn writer or im annoyed by it bc its literally true but its like. thats my business and then the psychostrider stuff is my pleasure. i dont know if that metaphor makes sense LOL

but i just havent built my audience around this so i truly dont know how u guys would respond. i kind of want to jus never talk about it then one day drop the 50k beast out of nowhere but i have an issue that is 'talks too much' so idk idk

so um i the reason i wanted to talk abt this was i was clearing my drafts and one of the earliest drafts since the beginning of this blog has been me talkin abt the 3 psychostriders fics <- sick in the head fr

heres the post, its slightly dated but w/e:

scarlet begonias:

religion and what it means to be a sinner. concepts of morality and temptation

the motor works in an empty room:

motherhood and the idea of legacy. concepts of inability and paranoia

winter never comes:

self-identity and defiance of systems. concepts of deception and corruption

actually im gonna expand. so scarlet begonias is at its core a story about religious sin and the idea of repenting. what defines a sinner? who gets to punish them if god isnt doing it? is fate avoidable?

winter never comes is about what it means to have humanity. at what point is someone considered to have lost this? this is emphasized by johns fight to keep himself. emphasis on patterns and compliance vs rebellion

the motor works in an empty room is a story about cruelty. its about wanting to make a lasting impact, the relevancy of life, something that is unachievable by most and despised by those who get it.

other details:

motor john is virgin mary while winters john is mary magdelene

winter is a sci-fi dystopian

motors is the most brutal w direct violence / rape an unlike the others wont be done as a multi chapter fic but as a series of interconnected oneshots

these all have playlists an im so fuckin pumped to finish writing them JUST so i can show them LOL i fucking love making playlists and my music taste is actually banger

ok! thats it honestly i always feel a lot better when i write this stuff out. gonna post this an then never acknowledges its existance so if u read this far um good job i guess an have a nice day <33

[tinkonka]

i drew my wh oc!!

i’ve decided on the name ivory since the previous one was a trigger name for a friend of mine, gonna talk about her under the cut :D long post !

her name is ivory, and as it says, she’s a purebred! she’s around 2000 years old but still going strong. very kind personality - picture zizel and lime combined except she’s a little more awkward - and talkative. she displays more of a kind side around humans, and is always willing to discuss things such as negative ad positive emotions, how they impact others and things like that. and no she doesn’t need glasses but she likes them

she’s a bit of a teaser sort! centuries of interacting with humans has led her to be very adapt with reading faces + recognizing insecurities in other people... so yea she do got the ability to hit it where it hurts. but she only really uses this ability for lighthearted teasing, with rouge being a primary target

(i drew zizel without a ref lol) as you can see she is very tall. 6′6. and she uses this to her advantage as well - she’ll pick up zizel and put her hand on rouges head (which rouge does not like). if you’re curious here’s a height reference:

So yeah zizel only reaches her chest. tiny.

another thing to add is that she has these spicy tentacles as you can see in this drawing:

and these can be hidden at will, though she prefers to keep them out as it’s a pain to keep them secret (similarly to how demons can show a proper form in the day but it’s a nusiance). these tentacles are as a result of working as a guarding monster for a couple hundred years, defending an artifact that the demons enjoy using. as such, she’s out of practice with her human form, and if she’s careless, she’ll begin to transform, and trying to keep the monster at bay can! really hurt! because there’s always the inner desire to have said monster get free (like how demons are naturally breeded to love negativity) and trying to fight the desire isn’t something she has practice with.

and so, she’ll have these ‘outbursts’ where she’ll leak and black wounds will appear - much like noel when he’s trying to fight his transformation as well.

i haven’t written much for this character yet, but i’m planning on inserting a hater demon into ivory’s story - i think i may have talked about her before? cerise, a 13 year old hater demon who had no happiness similar to lime. since she was still young, ivory had decided to take her under her wing - not out of compassion at the time, but because she didn’t wish for cerise to fall for other demons tricks and how to obey the rules. though advancing the relationship, cerise had admitted to ivory that she makes her feel happy. “i never had any happy memories... but you give me some, even though this place is far from good.” this REALLY threw ivory off. demons causing other demons positive emotions??? what??? this was not her intent. alas, she had grown attached to the younger hater, only for the hater to.... fall for another demons tricks. she was framed for the modification of a sacred artifact, and ivory had no choice but to banish her to the other hell.  ivory still wonders how she is. she doesn’t want to bring her out temporarily, however, because she knows things aren’t good. and in truth, a part of her is scared that cerise would’ve been desensitized and hardened by the deeper hell, and so she decided to try not to think about her. (though she still wanted to honour cerise, so she wears the flower crown that she made for her. (the heart locket was from susie)) im not quite sure how she and susie had gotten to form the pact but if i ever do figure that part out i’ll let you guys know about it :)

miscellaneous headcanons:

 she and zizel are quite close, as they worked together for a short time before ivory had to go to another station. they’re penpals tho zizel will sit in ivorys lap and drink tea and ivory will carry zizel on her shoulders it’s always a fun time

she despises the higher class demons with a PASSION because they’re known for not giving two shits about stuff and she’ll ramble about it angrily

rouge is below her in terms of hierarchy but she doesn’t really mind being berated by the red-head. if anything, it’s funny to her

she firmly believes that showing kindness shouldn’t be strange for demons. she wishes that more demons would help eachother - mainly haters - because she thinks that they can help eachother with their pain. though she doesnt have much room to talk on the matter since she’s a purebred herself

her tentacles (she has about 4) are pointy at the ends, and they’re warm and. sludgey to the touch (like mud). they move involuntarily and tend to just grab things she subconsciously likes (zizel is a victim of this) and whack people when she’s standing next to them. she’s getting better at controlling this though

thinks lime is a tad strange but absolutely adores the cute aesthetic thing she has going on. she values charlottes opinions as well, and likes to talk with her about just anything.

she thinks claire is a bit stupid sometimes but one day she and claire spent like hours talking about feminine things like cute dresses and flower crowns and ivory wished she clda given claire a chance to try on some of the dresses she had kept from her time in the mansion.

absolutely terrified of sirius thinks he’s a tiny gremlin. one time tried to give him a hug bc he was kind and he stomped on her foot not a good time

she’s eh about wilardo. doesnt think that he’s as interesting as the others, but will respect him. he’s okay

she’s not used to like socializing so she talks too much and doesnt know how to continue a conversation and always ends up embarrassing herself

if i can think of anymore then i’ll let you guys know! feel free 2 draw her (i still need to colour her in whoops), give her theme songs... im down for anything :D

if you’ve read this far tysm hi i lov u !! thank you for reading my rambles :D

[artificialqueens]

Girl I Met On The Internet, 2/? (Crystal x Gigi) - Strawberry

a/n: aaaa i’m so glad everyone liked the first chapter! i think this story will end up staying focused on gigi and crystal for the most part, but there is some (one sided) jankie in this chapter if you’re into that! also: just in case no one got the reference, the nickname crystal gives gigi, ‘georgia rose’,comes from the 1d lyrics “Said her name was georgia rose, and her daddy was a dentist” from their song ‘best song ever’!

gigi: are u okay :( ily crystal

crystal: yeah i just got picked on by this cheerleader that doesnt like me

Technically, she wasn’t lying. Crystal didn’t think it was too bad, considering she really only ever saw Dahlia in history class, but she still made it her mission to make that 45 minutes rough for Crystal whenever possible. This time it was pushing all of Crystal’s belongings off of her desk while she was leaving.

gigi: fuck. im sorry. 

crystal: it’s fine dskjdshjgkjf i wish all cheerleaders could take notes from you and jan

gigi: yaaas me and jan invented being nice

gigi: but i was wondering if maybe you could teach me about one direction later tonight?

Crystal had tried to convince the group earlier in the week that One Direction was the best boy band ever, and had only managed to get Jan to agree. She was glad that Gigi had finally come to her senses.

crystal: finally changing your mind? amazayn!

gigi: i regret asking now. take that pun back to 2011!!!!

The rest of the day went as normal. The chat was pretty active, but eventually died down at the end of the school day. Everyone seemed to have plans; Jan was studying, Jaida was going out to hang with friends, Nicky was sleeping, and Heidi was starting a new challenge on the Sims. It appeared to be just her and Gigi, alone in the group chat. 

Crystal decided to message Gigi privately, not wanting the rest of the girls to see her go into full stan mode. If someone asked Crystal about her interests, she could go hours before thinking of stopping herself.

crystal: ok miss gigi are you ready for your 1d crash course?

Crystal told Gigi everything she wanted to know and even more. A history of how they got together, way too much information on each of the five boys, telling her the best songs on each album, and making sure that Gigi knew ‘Midnight Memories’ was their best album. 

gigi: but ur @ is dedicated to made in the am?? fraud!

crystal: HELPFDFHBJ

crystal: mmcrystal sounds weird… like no thanks 

gigi: that was very interesting.. i’ll def listen to midnight memories in the morning <3

crystal: YAY! gigi 1d stan finally

gigi: no promises! :)

Crystal didn’t respond to that, not really knowing what to talk about now. Having a group of friends helped her be less awkward, but it definitely didn’t fix that problem completely. 

gigi: do u wanna play 21 questions or something?? to get to know eachother better???

Of course, Crystal jumped at the chance to get to know the other girl better. It started very innocently, asking about favorite colors and foods. Gigi quickly changed that.

gigi: uhh… have u ever kissed a girl?

crystal: sadly no.. my state is full of straight people

gigi: same.. ur turn

crystal: this feels awkward to ask but uhhh….

As soon as she hits send, she instantly regrets it. She backtracks what she had originally typed, desperately trying to come up with another question. Crystal was not able to think of anything else.

gigi: ????

“I guess I’ll have to do it,” Crystal says, talking to absolutely no one. She types it out again, looking away from her phone as she blindly tried to hit the send button, like it would help her situation be any less flustering for her.

crystal: how long have you and nicky been dating?

Would Gigi find it weird that she asked? Gigi was the one who brought up kissing girls, not Crystal, so it would be fine. Right?

gigi: CRYSTAL WHATBDGNHSDMFD

gigi: nicky and i are not dating omg im single

gigi: she’s like my sister. plus i would never do long distance

Crystal was so embarrassed. She was relieved this conversation was taking place through a screen, so Gigi wouldn’t see her blushing face. 

She was pleased that she was wrong about the two girls, but Gigi’s answer was upsetting to her.

They asked a few more personal questions before Gigi started asking Crystal would you rather questions instead. Crystal’s favorite out of them was if she would rather get a mullet or dress like a clown every day for the rest of her high school career. The answer was both, obviously. 

They spent the rest of the night sending each other stupid questions, giggling to themselves. The later it got, the more Gigi would flirt with her. At least Crystal thought it was flirting.

gigi: it’s really late and i have a test tomorrow so im gonna go to sleep. goodnight, babe

Gigi always would say ‘goodnight, bitch’, and this made Crystal even more confused. The ongoing joke that lesbians had the hardest time telling if a girl is into them or not was one of Crystal’s favorites, but now she couldn’t help but wonder if that was exactly what was happening to her. There was obviously a connection between them, but it was unclear to Crystal if it was just platonic. 

It didn’t hit her until later that night, while she was trying to fall asleep, but Crystal wasn’t entirely sure where Gigi lived. She knew they were in the same time zone, but wasn’t sure what state she was in. It was totally possible that Gigi lived in Missouri, but Crystal highly doubted it. Though Gigi obviously trusted Crystal enough to want to play 21 questions with her, she was still very private, and Crystal wasn’t too sure if Gigi would tell her what state she was in. 

Crystal fell asleep thinking about her highly unrealistic perfect world, where Gigi lived in Missouri and where Crystal wasn’t just another Nicky. 

-

Crystal got onto Twitter right after waking up the next morning, ready to ask Gigi if she happened to live in Missouri, but quickly got distracted with a very interesting conversation going on in the group chat.

jan!: now i may not be gay but i’m in love with a woman… 2 words jackie

jaida: i- that’s only one word

jan!: fuck

heidi: the way i can’t tell if you’re joking or not

jan!: the way i don’t think i am joking

gigi: YAAS about time u admitted that u like her

crystal: hold on i thought jan was straight?? who’s jackie???

nicky: do you really think a straight person would hang out with us?

crystal: good point 

jan!: I AM STRAIGHT! i think? i don’t know i’m so confused. 

heidi: jackie is jan’s local @ crystal

gigi: jan be like: im straight.

gigi: but also jan is like: wow jackie is so pretty and she’s so funny and smart i’m going to fail geometry so she can tutor me but no homo!

heidi: the delusion janice has…

jaida: not to be serious but if you think you like jackie, you probably aren’t straight baby. everyone else hush and let her talk

nicky: ^^ yeah jan what happened

jan!: first of all i did not fail geometry i just said we should study together so we did!!! and have been for months! but last night i couldn’t focus at all bc she’s so pretty all i wanted to do was k*ss her out of nowhere

In a way, Crystal could definitely relate. Gigi wasn’t her local, she still didn’t know what the girl looked like, but she still kind of wanted to kiss her. She couldn’t focus on anything besides Gigi sometimes, not like she would ever admit it. 

All of the girls had sent many comforting messages addressed to Jan, saying that it was okay, and she has all the time she needs to figure out her feelings. Afterwards, everyone had gone back to being playful. Gigi also tried to convince her to make a move on Jackie, which Jan refused.

gigi: if u talk to her u guys can get married <3

crystal: gigi you’re so stupid i love it

jan!: omg did someone say stupid love??? stream! 

gigi: crystal back me up :(

crystal: i might’ve found out who jackie is only 10 minutes ago but i will cry if jan doesn’t talk to her right now

jan!: better start crying bc i dont think i can even look at her now

jaida: that’s not saying much at all. you cried the other day bc gigi sent a pic of her dog

crystal: I AM A NANCY STAN FIRST AND A HUMAN SECOND!!

Crystal knew she looked like an idiot, walking to her locker with her eyes glued to her phone and a dopey smile on her face but she couldn’t care less.

-

The day actually went well for Crystal. The highlight of her day was finding out that the story she wrote for her creative writing class had gotten the highest grade out of everyone in the class, earning her a piece of candy. 

crystal: just got candy and a 99% on my story for class… i truly have the mind of a mastermind

jaida: beauty and intelligence in one combined!

Navigating through the halls was much more difficult when your eyes are glued to your phone, but replying to a meme Jaida sent seemed much more appealing to Crystal than getting to her seventh period without worrying about bumping into someone.  And bumping into someone, she did.

“What the actual fuck, weirdo?” Dahlia yelped, looking extremely offended, “Get off of your sad, cracked phone and watch where your dumb ass is going.”

Crystal just stared at her, frozen in fear. Dahlia taunted her daily, but this was very different from how she usually acts towards her. It was quite terrifying. 

“I swear to God, if you ever look at me, let alone fucking touch me again-” She continued, but before she could finish her statement, she was interrupted by her friend, Georgina running over and pulling her away. 

Crystal didn’t think Georgina shared Dahlia's hatred for her, and Crystal didn’t hate Georgina either. Georgina actually seemed very sweet besides the fact that she had never bothered to step in on the rare occasion Dahlia happened to target Crystal outside of class.

“Can you please leave her alone? We don’t have time for this.” Georgina groaned, looking back at Crystal, flashing her a quick smile, before turning around to escort Dahlia to what Crystal assumed was cheerleading practice.

“But she bumped into me!” Dahlia whined, not used to being interrupted like this.

“Really? Wow, funny. I don’t care.”

Once they were out of sight, Crystal was alone again. She pulled out her phone and went to check if anyone had said anything else in the chat; just Jan freaking out, because Jackie had smiled at her in the hallway.

heidi: everyone say i if you think jan should stop being a baby and ask jackie out

jaida: i

crystal: i

jan!: WTF

jan!: friendship ended with heidi, jaida and crystal. now nicky and gigi are my best friends

jaida: they would say i too if they were online and you know that

jan!: i don’t need friends! they disappoint me!

Crystal decided to not use her phone while she was walking home, not wanting to have a repeat of the Dahlia situation. Her after school routine changed a lot in the past week, making a rule to not check Twitter before completing her homework. Her Twitter addiction was getting worse, but since it was also causing her to be more productive with doing her homework, she saw no issues with it. Once she had finished, she picked up her phone to see that Gigi had messaged her less than a minute ago.

gigi: hey clown :) im done w practice

crystal: WHY AM I A CLOWNDFSHDM

gigi: u just have clown energy. i cant and wont explain 

crystal: honestly yeah i see it but can i at least be your clown wife or something

gigi: yeah <3 hey clown wife! i listened to most of midnight memories and it was really good! my fave song is u and i

If that’s not love, then what is? If that’s not friendship, then what is? Crystal had never been able to get anyone to listen to anything she recommended, ever. She was filled with glee, double tapping the message to heart it. It meant a lot to her.

crystal: YAYAYAYAYA im so glad but it looks so ugly when you spell it like that 

gigi: my fave song you and i* >:(

crystal: better 

gigi: if i have to stop spelling it as u to make you not divorce me i will

Crystal knew deep down it was just a joke, but it made her heart race. The feeling she got every time Gigi would flirt with her was very unfamiliar, but very nice. It didn’t help that Crystal thought ‘You and I’ was one of the most romantic songs One Direction had, she couldn’t help but make the fact Gigi liked it out of all of the other songs into something it was not.

This reminded her of her late night thoughts. She had completely forgotten to ask Gigi where she lived, but the idea didn’t seem the greatest now that she was fully awake. She was still curious though, so against her better judgement she asked, without a segway or anything.

crystal: i forgot to ask but what state do you live in? asking for science

gigi: oh i live in missouri

crystal: omg me too

gigi: i don’t wanna reveal where but this is amazing.. maybe we won’t have to break the distance at all <3

Pleased that she somehow got an answer, Crystal changed the conversation into a discussion of ‘Midnight Memories’, and if Gigi agreed with the opinions Crystal had shared the night before. She did, for the most part and before they knew it, it was time for Gigi to go sleep. Had they really talked all evening? 

gigi: i have to get up early so i need to go to sleep but im really glad jan added u to the gc

crystal: and im happy you asked me about one direction!

gigi: me too. ur cute when ur passionate. i hope we can continue to grow closer

crystal: i’d like that.

gigi: goodnight, my clown :)

crystal: goodnight, georgia rose

gigi: U DID NOT

gigi: my full name isnt even georgia and dad isnt even a dentist but i’ll allow it bc i know u think u invented comedy

gigi: ok gn now <33 luv u

crystal: gn!!! sleep well

Crystal wanted them to stay like this forever.