#one of the best relationships i've seen truly everything i deserve

[wombywoo]

do you have any ghostsoap favorite fics, perhaps?

boy do I....

I should preface this by saying that I'm pretty...particular with what types of fics I enjoy reading (I only like certain character interpretations/tropes/writing styles, etc) so bear with me...

These are all mostly canon-compliant, non-AUs, ones that I regard highly~

Seasons--by StinglessWasp: This is pretty much my go-to fic rec for anyone into CoD and ghostsoap in general. It showcases everything I love about these characters, in a setting that feels as authentic to the games as possible, while also exploring the depth and sincerity hidden under the surface. So well-written and paced--the dialogue and military references all contribute to that 'feels like a mission out of the game' experience. Plus, I just love this interpretation of our boys--the humor, the inner struggles, the intimacy--Wasp 100% *gets* these characters and it's a joy to read <3

Except You, You Can Stay--by Iravaid: While this one isn't *technically* ghostsoap until the last chapter, in my opinion, it's required reading for anyone who gives a shit about Simon Riley. This is *the* character study--an intimate dissection of Ghost's past that seems so realistic and grounded, you forget how ludicrous those comics really are. Ira takes such care in treating these heavy topics with delicacy and effectiveness. Each chapter has you going 'oh wow, this is even better than the last', but as a whole--it's a stunning, fleshed-out glimpse into Simon as the character he was always meant to be. And the final chapter which eases you into his relationship with Johnny is so authentic and sweet, it just makes perfect sense that they should be together, and that this poor poor man deserves some goddamn love <3

bleeding in the house of god--by revolvermonkcelot: This is a really great 'missing scene' fic, a perfect opportunity to explore the in-between moments that the game so carelessly chooses to gloss over. I can't praise Monk's writing enough--it's slick and crisp and very tasty; the imagery just jumps off the page and you can practically feel the sweat. Plus, the dialogue exchanges between our two boys are so well-timed and in-character--love all the slang and British references~ This whole fic reads like an addition to their mission flirting, and I'm all for it! You can truly tell this author has such deep understanding and experience with this franchise (winkwinkwink, this is a joke) Read it--it's good!

The Dead are all Living--by Kabbal: This fic blew me away when I first read it. It's such a unique take on the retirement trope, I just adore this interpretation of Simon as an aging recluse while he builds his home. I tend to lean towards more subtle, grounded characterizations of Mr Riley, and this really fits the bill. All of these glimpses and fragments into his post-military life contribute to an overarching love story; the scenes with Johnny are so poignant, it's like you're pining alongside them both. I love how not-perfect they are; flawed and difficult and real. There are some moments and lines that just....struck something in me so deeply. I'm sure I'll still be thinking about it for a long long time <3

Portrait of Taction--by a_platypus: Another Simon-centric fic that I absolutely love. The character voice in this is off the charts, I can hear him so vividly in all of his inner dialogue and stunted attempts at conversation. Simon is so endearingly dense in this fic, you're just waiting for him to finally get his act together, but the clumsy, oblivious steps he takes in his relationship with Soap are truly a treat to read. I love this version of Johnny too--confident and considerate, but still hopelessly crushing on his superior. It's comedic, well-written, and the paragraphs describing Soap's journal give some of the best insights into his character I've seen <3

come on, haunt me--by flyby2: This was a really good long fic that I took my time savoring. What could have been a typical 'on leave' fic instead took time to develop a unique spin on the backstories as well as throwing our boys into some wholesome encounters. Both Soap and Ghost felt very true to character, and I appreciate the exploration of PTSD and the subsequent struggles that come along with...all that. There was a really nice balance in having their romance spread across the chapters, and I can promise a very sweet, happy conclusion <3

in the mess of it all--by flowersferns: A lovely one-shot that exhibits some of my favorite aspects of these two characters. I'm a sucker for 'one of them is hurt, the other is freaking out, they are both idiots in love, etc'. There are some really great dialogue and character moments in this, plus the overall prose hits hard. Love this take on their romance--the mutual trust, the familiarity of their bond. And just the general theme of impermanence--the inevitability of what this relationship means for them--two soldiers, willing and ready to sacrifice their lives at a moment's notice, still clinging to each other because...god...that's all they have---big fan of this :'D <3

Lapsus--by Lisbetadair: Another really great one-shot and 'missing scene' fic. The authenticity in the writing is spot-on--it's like you can feel Soap's pain right off the bat. I love how smoothly the banter flows between the two, and the attention to detail and references all help lend to that 'hardened military man' exterior. Ghost smelling like flowers because of a face wipe is such a delightful addition, plus the scene where Soap is, ah, donald-ducking it in just a t-shirt with his jewels out is such a funny mental image, I still think of it fondly from time to time. It's funny, it's surprisingly cute, it's very in-character. Stick around for some awkward but adorable cuddles <3

I'm sure I have more to recommend, but these are the ones I can personally endorse for now~

[inanaincarneetinsidus]

Vedic/ Sidereal observations

- If you have any proeminent Jyestha placement please go buy an evil eye protection, it can be any jewelry with eye imagerie on it not only the classic cristal one that we often see but make sure that it is very visible on you.

The evil eye that is often projected on jyestha is basically a curse, people see your potential even though you crawl in dirt like a scorpio you see. They observe your resilience evolving in a state without resources and fear what you may become once you acquire this abundance, so they manifest your failure DON'T EVER TELL ANYONE YOUR PLANS even if they are family idc

- If you are one of those that went through rahu/ketu antardasha as an adolescent/young adult saturn mahadasa don't got nothing on you , I would say that first the energy of Saturn is difficult because it requires you to actually put in the work: you can not escape it, however when you finally submit and accept it you will often harvest the fruits of your efforts.

Ketu does not work like that at all, your current actions don't actually matter in a ketu ruled period it is your past karma that is resurging, Ketu will take away everything that you actually have not only material possessions but also intellectual ones: opinions, your self-image relationships, everything that makes you appreciate the material world, you cannot truly try to girlboss your way out of a ketu dasa the best thing that you can do is SURRENDER, meditate, be introspective, journal, practice yoga and pick a solitary sport and allow yourself to contemplate life

- Saturn in the 4th house, conjunct moon, or in cancer will destroy the health of the mother, pls it is not a norm at all most of the time saturnbin the 4th/cancer will indicate that the mother was very strict and austere

- Mercurials and Martians shouldn't expect empathy from anybody sadly, I don't know why but society seems to agree on the fact that they do not deserve to be understood, taken with softness and respect one thing I think it is due to is the fact that they often appear as very stoic, they keep their emotions often to themselves conserving a very cold even bitchy appearance so people often treat them badly based on this impression, they are often met with the 'you think you are better than us ?' anyway

-I've seen many western astrology post saying how many celebrities have scorpio moons right and it make so much more sense when you see that most of them have their moon in sidereal libra rashi, since saturn is exalted in libra, and saturn is the one who grant tangible material abundance, libras have a natural understanding of how to manifest that abundance: they know how to manipulate the material world, using Māyā.

- Ketuvians how about stoping to hide under the guise of disgust and admit that all you really want is to be included and cared about ?

-Purva Ashada men will have the most long, luscious hair ever beyond that they are often stunning and they conserve a kind of androgynous appearance if often they physique is very masculine with hard features they will have the softest voices, most delicate manners ever, it would be so cool to see them take care of a pet. On a darker side this nakshatra is very recurrent in cult leaders even fictional ones lol

-Dhanista and Revati would do great in bellydancing since both of these nakshatras have instruments associated with them, rhythm is innate to their functioning.

- Rohini women are so funny to be around when they get over their insecurities, they are sometimes so insecure it's just hurtful for me to see that, they will break off their bonds with people especially other women over jealousy and not realize that they are the problem, acting like pick mes, making subtle diss and wonder why they are left alone at the end ! If everybody as a problem (as in you are in an argument ) with you and you are not nodal (ketuvian or rahuvian) you are probably the problem 🤷🏾‍♀️. A little introspection shouldn't scare you 😙 that's how you grow as a person

- I strongly admire Anuradha people, their resilience is unmatched like their bone structure, the most gorgeous faces like they were sculpted by Michael Angelo himself

- Mars and Jupiter are bestfriends so you will notice that in real life most bestfriends have this combination of placements or they can have Venus/Saturn too as these two planets are also best friends

- Purva Phalguni/ leo men are so vulgar lol, they scare the hell out of me, Venusian men in general they act like they will eat you alive 🥲

- Rahuvians deal with a lot of mental issues I've seen mostly chronic depression that can lead to suicide in some cases 😕 if you have proeminent rahu placement, try get more in touch with you ketu placement it has helped me a lot, for example ketu in the first house: self-care, protect your energy and your space do not allow anybody to enter it, take extra care of your body exercise, meditate. Ketu in the 6th house: put yourself at the service of other people, in the 11th house: force yourself to join a community, an organization etc

- I've recently saw an interview of Mia Khalifa and she talked about her childhood and her struggles with her weight and turns out she has a Virgo moon in hasta, it made realize how much Virgo women often struggles with their alimentation in general, they have many toxic behaviors regarding the consumption of food and many many of them have had ED or still have it. It's crazy to see that when the constellation of Virgo symbol is an ear of wheat so it associated with bread and eating in general and the natives of this sign have abnormal behaviors towards food.

[negrowhat]

2024 BL Superlatives

Thanks @lurkingshan for bringing this back!!!!!!!!! Sorry if mine is super long, but I did taper it down a bit.

Best Love in this Tub Scene- For Him. For Him is not a good series. At all, but that TUB SCENE???? 10/10. Honestly I loved the main couple and I wish I could extract them from that horrendous series.

Best Snot-Nosed Kiss Between A Husband and Wife-Meet You At The Blossom. The first kiss in the first ever uncensored Wuxia DID NOT disappoint. It was so sweet and passionate and I know it was freezing cold in that room because there was snot everywhere and I loved every moment of it. Also the makeup department did a good job of making them both look so sickly.

Fave Bittersweet Happy Ending-Love for Love's Sake. I think this series was perfection and it made me cry buckets. I know the series technically ended happily, Myungha and Yeowoon were together, but it hurt me that Myungha had to find his happiness beyond his life. But he did achieve ultimate peace. It felt bittersweet to me and I did cry about it for several days.

Best Make Up Dickdown-Love in the Big City. Go Young's relationship with Young Su was toxic as fuck BUT that one makeup sex scene they had was the best love scene in the whole series. I'm all for a good dick down to combat a heated argument.

Best Torn Up Contract Reaction-Love Sea. The second Tongrak ripped up his contract with Mahasamut the gloves came off. Mahasamut didn't waste time kicking Tongrak's sperm donor's ass and we all cheered! Mahasmut is such a MAN.

Best Use of an Umbrella-Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo. That very ending scene when Juyeong picks Dohoe up from school. It's raining outside and Juyeong is just smiling so brightly and it makes Dohoe smile and Dohoe sprints across the courtyard to meet Juyeong. It was the first time Dohoe ever looked genuinely happy. It was so fucking perfect.

Best Wet Dream had by a 124 Year Old Man-Century of Love. I was going to say Fox Vixen Vee because what a masterpiece of a dream that was, but we're here for San's first wet dream. It was filled with so much emotion. A confession, tears flowing, passionate kisses, and San stripping Vee and himself down. Only to be awakened by a glass of water tipping over. What did that glass of water signify??? Grandpa San's first nut in 100 years. Epic. San could deny Vee all he wanted but that dream confirmed he was sexually attracted to that man.

Ugliest Wedding-Wandee Goodday. Okay I adore OyeiCher but their wedding was so unpleasing to the eye. I hated pretty much everything about it but I did cheer for them getting married. They're truly one of the best already established couples I've ever seen..but they really should've called Namnuea to plan the wedding.

Most Daring Rescue-Two Worlds. Tai rescuing Kram from his father's clutches after Phupha and Jao abandoned him. Tai infiltrated that site like a fucking ghost. Putting on that undertaker costume to swoop in and save his boy who had practically given up on life. Oh I loved the way Kram clung to Tai and how Tai was just so calm and collected. Sure Phupha helped but he deserves no praise.

Messiest Cooking Competition Not Televised-This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans. Between the cheating, lies, deception, and SEX that competition would've been a HUGE reality TV hit. And if Chef Oab had put up cameras in the restaurant everyone would've been able to witness his hot, horny, and inappropriate relationship with a contestant.

Best Dream Relationship-4 Minutes. Wild GreatTyme's most organic and healthy relationship was a dream sequence in Tyme's dying brain. His 4 Minutes was the best version of that relationship.

Best English Lesson-Jack & Joker. Definitely the most emotionally charged English Lesson I've ever seen and now I feel a tingle whenever I hear the word 'Confess' or 'Promise'. Jack was not at all subtle about letting Jack know he wanted him by his side.

Best Popsicle-Dick-Sucking Entendre. Every You, Every Me. Sian came around that corner wearing only a towel and sucking sensually on a flesh-colored-phallic-shaped popsicle. He knew exactly what the fuck he was doing and he just wanted Blue to know that he was ready to suck him off whenever he wanted. Bravo.

Best Series I Never Got-Your Dear Daddy. BECAUSE WHERE THE FUCK IS IT??? I've been waiting for Fluke Pusit and Saeng Nuea impatiently for entirely too fucking long. GIVE IT TO ME NOW!

[insidekatmind]

Silent Promises~Jonathan Daviss

It was a cool spring evening when Jonathan called you for the second time that week. His calls were always filled with laughter, jokes, and a familiarity that comforted you. But this time, something in his tone made you raise an eyebrow.

"Hey, how are you?" Jonathan asked, and his voice sounded more serious than usual.

"I'm good, thanks," you replied, trying to sound more convincing than you felt. "I just finished doing some interviews for the new album."

"I can imagine," he replied with a light laugh, but it sounded a bit tense. "You know, the song you wrote about Drew... it's really powerful. There's a lot of you in that one."

A shiver ran down your spine. Drew... The man you had loved, but who had betrayed you. Every word of the song Heartbreak Highway spoke of your pain, broken dreams, and the loneliness you had felt after discovering his betrayal. The public had loved it, of course. It had gone viral, like all your most honest songs.

"Yeah... it was hard to write," you admitted, feeling a lump in your throat. "But the best of me came out. I'm glad people can relate to it."

"I'm sure," he said softly. "You're incredible, as always." His voice grew more tender but also more serious. "Listen, I want to talk to you about something..."

A small suspicion crept into your mind. Jonathan had never been afraid to be direct with you. But something felt different today. It was as if he was avoiding telling you something important.

"Sure, tell me everything," you replied, trying to keep your tone normal.

There was a long pause on the other end of the line, and when Jonathan spoke again, his voice trembled just slightly. "I... I know you're hurting, and I care about you. You know I've always been there for you."

"I know," you said, almost whispering. "And you've always been my rock, Jonathan."

He hesitated again. "I just want you to know that you deserve someone who truly loves you. Not someone who betrays you. Not someone who makes you feel less than you are."

Your heart stopped for a moment. His words seemed so sincere, but there was something deeper, as if he wasn’t just talking about Drew.

"Jonathan..." you whispered, trying to figure out what he was trying to say. "I... I’m not ready for another relationship, not now. Not after what happened."

"I’m not talking about a relationship," he said gently, but with an incredible firmness that struck you. "I'm just saying, I’m here. Always."

You sank into the couch, feeling the weight of his words. You had known him for so long. You’d laughed together, cried together, shared dreams, fears, and hopes. But you had never seen Jonathan in this light. Every word he spoke seemed to carry something more, a feeling you couldn’t fully decipher.

"Jonathan..." you repeated, his name sounded different on your tongue. "I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you to think that I’m ignoring how you feel about me."

"I don’t want you to feel obligated," he said quickly, almost in a whisper. "I don’t want to put pressure on you. I just... I just want you to know that I care about you, in a way that goes beyond friendship. I’ve loved you, always."

The world seemed to stop for a moment. Jonathan... loved you? How had you never noticed it before? But at the same time, how could you respond to this revelation when your heart was still broken over Drew?

"Jonathan, I... I don’t know what to say." Your voice trembled, but not out of fear. Out of confusion, out of surprise. "I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to be like Drew... like someone who deceived me."

"You know I’m not like that," he replied, his voice full of sincerity you had never heard before. "And I understand, really. But I just want you to know that, no matter what happens, I’ll always be here. I don’t just want to be your best friend. I want to be something more, if one day you want it."

Silence fell heavily between you, and as his words echoed in your head, your heart hammered in your chest. You were lost. Lost in a sea of emotions you didn’t know how to manage.

"Jonathan..." you repeated finally, trying to find the strength to say something you never thought you’d say. "Maybe, in another time, in another life, we could have been more. But right now... I need time."

He nodded, even though you couldn’t see it. "I understand. And I’ll wait. I’ll wait for you, if you’re ever ready."

The call ended there, but that silent promise lingered between you. A promise of time, of hope, of a future that would come, or maybe not. But one thing was certain: Jonathan would never just be a friend to you. Something inside you was changing, and maybe, one day, you would look at him with different eyes.

And in the meantime, your song continued to play on the radio, an anthem of heartbreak and rebirth, while Jonathan, from afar, watched you with silent hope.

[muniimyg]

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ bbydaddy!jk (16) ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ debrief ! + kimi's note

hi !

i've gotten a few asks in my inbox regarding part 16 that (i feel) lean towards negativity @ babydaddy!oc.

as much as i appreciate interactions,, it surprised me with how it (my work) was received. i understand that everyone has their own opinions, but some of the asks come off more as a vent/hateful pov,,

and listen,,, i get that this is a fanfic LOL

but the reason i'm making this a post is that, truthfully, i don't want to (individually) answer these asks. i've spent the past few days reflecting on the feedback i was given and the chapter itself... i've concluded that i’m all abt conversation (!!!) but don’t think these asks lead the ones i want to have on my blog. i also don't want to share them because i feel that these opinions undermine the experience of other readers who enjoyed and resonate with the chapter.

at the same time, i also don’t want them to go unaddressed because these are real ppl who spent time and sent thoughts in. one way or another, i believe my work resonated with u and the most i could ever really ask for as a writer is to write something that makes people feel.

so to those anons that sent in these asks, i want u to know i that i’ve let your thoughts sit with me and i think you made good points. in that same sense, i want to defend my work and explain a few things..

context:

full bbydaddy timeline (as of 16)

bbydaddy was originally meant to be a one time scenario

upon request, i extended the series multiple times

since the series extended,, in terms of plot,, i took as an opportunity to dig deeper into their dynamic (as a family, as lovers, and as individuals)

one: bbydaddy!jk and bbydaddy!oc's lore

first and foremost,,, there are no sides.

there are layers to their relationship. both characters go through and process differently. oc's experiences should not be invalidated just because her emotions are voiced 'wrong.' the career and the depth of it can and should be looked from different point of views. though i didn't write it in, i personally pictured oc to be the eldest daughter in her household. the constant need to be the best is a natural feeling for her and isn't necessarily seen as a flaw through jk's eyes. if anything, she believes in him more than he believes in himself. in her pov,, that's how she loves him. she wants more for him because she believes he deserves more and that he's worth more. it wasn't meant to be a 'greedy' attribute but i understand where it initially comes off as that.

all in all, i think this is one of my very few fics where i picked her flaws on purpose and wrote some in by accident. as a writer, i thought this brought more authenticity in her character as well as sparked the ongoing questions of; what does it really mean to love someone and how much of yourself can you give until there's nothing left? and when there's nothing left; what then? do you pick the pieces together? do you learn and move forward or do you stay where you are and feel it. feel everything and drown in it so you don't miss a thing?

i think oc's character dives into those concepts really well. initially, as i read the asks and 'reviews' on oc,, i felt bad for her (LOL) because truly... she's so misunderstood.

as for jk... i think that man is delusional to the core. but !!! that's my error. i think in the beginning,, bbydaddy jk has this... douche-ness in him that really captures and captivates their dynamic. over time, as the story goes on, you see how fragile he actually is and how pathetic he can get. him proposing to oc was 1) bad timing 2) inconsiderate since he was definitely in his own headspace for thinking and putting his feelings first 3) jus for the drama. LOL !

all in all, i don't think jk did anything wrong (neither did oc) i jus think their relationship is the sole definition of timeless but untimely.

two: asks and anons

please don’t send in asks that bring negative vibes. if u don’t like a character (it’s ok to feel frustrated and all) u can jus move on. no need to send in 'fuck her' if its not in an ironic way 😭 be mindful and remember ur manners. jus cos u’re on anon doesn’t mean u’re held any less accountable !

if u have nothing nice to say,, don’t say it at all. i may not be ur fave writer and this may not be ur fave character or fic ….

and that’s ok.

u are probably not my fave reader anyway 😝

i am not the only smau writer on this app or fic writer at that. i'd encourage u to branch out and find new writers if my characters frusterate u so much (ToT)"

i love receiving silly asks and heartfelt ones even more so when they’re abt my plot and are positive notes regarding my writing! i look forward to those because they remind me of my growth and make me feel appreciated. these fics and smau i make take time btw. like... lots! unfortunately, i'm not talented enough to wake up and write a fic all the way through the end in 1-3 sittings. i need like 5 business days to figure out which jk pic i'm using bro

anon will be turned off for my peace of mind (for now). ikkk it's annoying bc most of u guys are so kind and sweet ,, but it feels like every time i turn it back on,, ppl get ballsy and like srsly???

i am scared of balls

three: kimi's note

at the end of the day, i’m jus a girl writing a silly little story in her free time!

did u catch that? in my free time. the time i put into sitting down, writing, fixing and pacing plots, etc; are all unpaid. i do this because i want to share my creativity and delusions. with that, as a fic writer, i understand and have accepted that there are times when i should feed into the audience/readers' expectations and needs...

and that’s exactly it.

i get to pick and choose what to feed into, what i give out, and what i keep.

with being on tumblr for 4yrs, i've seen so many fic writers leave bitter notes because of how nasty their asks inbox gets. (thankfully, mine is nothing like that) i will not let my inbox become that. i refuse to let my blog and fics burn me out.

i’ve grown so much as a writer over the years. i'm so proud of myself too. yet, i am aware and understand that i am still continuing to learn abt what boundaries i need/have when it comes to my work. i am learning what that means with my social media presence. i am learning how to not let passive/negative asks bother me. i am learning.

if u've been following me long enough, u know how often i take breaks to take care of my mental health, school/work schedule, and maintain/improve my quality of fics.

to be honest, i was really hurt and discouraged when anons gave their 2 cents with my break idea. i posted that to communicate where my headspace was and to have received entitled and inconsiderate responses really threw me off. although, i understand it may not be that serious to the ones that sent it in and i (probably am) overreacting,, i would still like to put it out in the universe that i am not okay with receiving responses like those. please think before you send in. some things are better left unsaid and often unnecessary as it makes me feel like i'm jus a content machine or smt.

and in case u forgot— 

i am a real human with feelings (sometimes with too many).

i'm thankful to have realized and accepted my (known) boundaries. i'm grateful for the confidence and security i have with my wonderful readers and work, knowing that i'm worth the wait.

i know i can and will be taking all the breaks i want. i will binge/content dump all i want. i will take 2 weeks if i want.

through all of this,, i promise to do my best and be better in the future !

if u read everything,, thank u. i wanted to say everything from a place of love and reflection,, so i appreciate u taking the time to understand me. i hope i continue to be a writer u look forward to.

promise ! i'll make u proud ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა

all the love,

kimi ♡

[bubblewhale]

I binge watched arcane, loved it, so imma yap about it 💙🖤

Even tho this show has literal canon yuri and heavily implied doomed yaoi (what's up Jayvik nation) with a potential poly ship (Mel)... no, guess who i fixated on. Oh you guessed? That's right, on the Zaunites.

Champions of the underdog, Jinx, Silco, Victor and Sevika are my favs.

I adore how they showed Jinx's inner world and episodes, i would argue that she's one of the best bpd reps i've ever seen in media. As a queer older sister with daddy issues myself, i was screaming at Vi to do better for half of the show, also i have a strong dislike for cops so... love you Vi but, girl, that could never be me. And that's ok. I also always play long range gunslingers (guns, not shotguns) in games so, yeah, Jinx is my punk baby.

I love everything about Silco and how complex of a villain he is, and i love his and Jinx's (albeit toxic) father-daughter relationship.

Love her relationships with Ekko and Isha, too.

Victor is such a lovable character for me. I hc him as asexual bc there is no way he, in all those years, has not made a move on Jayce. Please. Viktor's sassy, assertive and has two functioning eyes. And don't even get me started on how Jayce is a dog on a leash for anyone and everyone, especially romantically with Mel. Viktor would walk him!!!! Anyways.

I like how Viktor is such an extreme rep of grit and determination in his own way - being from the undercity and of course - chronically ill, both things being outwardly visible/noticeable on him. The discrimination against him is blatant throught the show. Finally, I can't explain enough how much not only do I love him but truly find him intensely attractive for his witty, genius, stubborn personality (and looks too, that man is so beautiful). Gender envy is real, too.

(He got to meet Jayce in every timeline, so i guess he still won in the end ? 😭)

And last but not least, Sevika. That glorious bitch. I honestly thought she would just be a miniboss for Vi to flex against, but the Silco loyalty test was what's truly made me her fan. Jinx being her long range support was so satisfying to me! Towards the end it started to feel like they were true family.

I was thinking about how the four of them all had different approaches to fighting/leadership. Jinx did it with terrorism (fear), Silco with criminal endeavour (drugs), Viktor with magical power (technology) - all ways of manipulating and controlling others, and every one of them was stopped/saved by love in the end.

- think Silco dying instead of selling out Jinx, Viktor making Jayce stop him, Jinx taking Vander out with her as she relized her sister will never be truly free as long as they're there for Vi to keep trying to save.

In the end, it was Sevika's loyalty that finally put her at the chairmans table. It truly goes that the most stubborn bitch wins, and she deserved it.

Even after watching all the fanart for years i still had no idea where this show would take me, but i loved it every second of the way.

💙🖤

[femmeloverboy]

I've seen people say jerejean is boring (usually in comparison to kevjean, other Jean ships, andreil, etc.) and like, I get why ppl would say that I cant even lie (as a huge jerejean shipper) but I think its "boring" bcuz Jeremy is so fucking normal compared to the foxes or the ravens. He is literally so normal. He is just a guy. And yeah, him not being involved or even knowing abt the mafia abuse torture shit might be "boring" cuz it's a big contrast to andreil, and kevjean, but I think maybe Jean deserves a little normal guy idk! A normal life! A normal life would suit him well.

Neil's circumstances are perfect, he didn't need a normal life, but just one away from the threat of his father. Him and Andrew have a unique mutual understanding of each other, and trust, that nobody else quite gets. Kevin has Wymack, Andrew & Neil, and a whole dysfunctional team that care for him and understand exactly what he went through. Jean genuinely has nothing and he is so, so insanely broken and traumatised. In my opinion, I don't think him being in a relationship with Kevin, or anyone with connections to the Moriyama's, would be that good for him, bcuz of the trauma and associations. I do also think Kevin leaving irreparably shattered something. More than anything, I think Jean needs kindness and gentleness. You can see it in how he gravitates towards Renee, gravitated towards Kevin because he was the only one who showed him kindness in the nest.

I really think the normality, kindness, and upbeat-ness of the Trojans is good for him. People like Jeremy, Laila, & Cat are good for him. I think they're the best for him. I think he would thrive in a normal ass life, truly. He like cooking, he likes open roads, he likes cool evening breezes. Give him normal, calm, kind happiness. And I think Jeremy not having any ties to Jean's trauma is good for Jean. Jean himself doesn't fully understand what he went through, I don't think he needs Jeremy to fully understand/relate, either, he just needs unending love and support and patience and kindness... and Jeremy is the perfect individual to give that to him. Jeremy also isn't overly Exy-obsessed, which I think is another thing Jean could benefit from. Jeremy has never had a life anywhere near the one that Jean had in the nest, and Jeremy can teach Jean all the normal, simply things in life. Can teach him how to be free, how to be his own person outside of the Raven's and Exy and trauma.

TLDR: I think jerejean being "boring" is actually quite good, because Jean deserves a normal, simple, "boring" life after everything he has gone through :P

[scramboileditlog]

One of my biggest fears about getting into a relationship is the fear of never being enough, especially at an age where I can start a family. In this generation, men are expected to sacrifice their happiness to build the family and life they dream of, and while that's admirable, the risk lies in meeting an ungrateful partner who could render all those sacrifices meaningless. The consequences of that could destroy everything they worked for.

I've seen many relationships and marriages fall apart because of mismatched priorities and a lack of compromise, which sometimes makes me wonder if the risk and sacrifice are worth it. I know we all deserve the best, but when will the search end? Even after finding someone willing to commit, some people still believe they deserve more or something better.

That's why I always wish the best for couples I know who truly support each other, lifting each other up as they grow and improve their lives together, never seeing leaving as an option no matter who reaches their goals first along the way (my way of telling the universe that I want something like that too).

Still, there's the fear of ending up in a relationship where love and partnership are overshadowed by practicality alone. At this point in my life, trial periods are over. If I choose to be with someone, I'll stay and work it out no matter what. I just hope someone will always find a reason to stay too. We either pursue our dreams together or this is just a silly dream.

[pupmkincake2000]

So, I finished watching Arcane. I watched both seasons twice to be sure of my conclusions. I am not writing this to have a discussion, argue with someone or spread hatred towards certain characters. Basically, I am just expressing my opinion while the impressions are still fresh.

First of all. I think the series has not enough episodes, but not because I liked everything so much and want more, but because there was simply not enough time for the world exploration and the characters. I would add at least five episodes to each season to make things better.

I felt like the events were moving too fast, especially in s2. I can only praise the graphics, they are truly magnificent, also the action is divine, the dynamics, the movements, the special effects, the character desig... all of this is top notch.

But I have a lot of complaints about the rest.

Let's start with Vander and Silco.

Yes, I ship them. No, I don't think Vander is an abuser and a traitor, if you think otherwise, well, our opinions differ here. Vander is the best man of the show, you cannot convince me otherwise and he is probably the only man who I would have married in real life.

Vander is my sunshine, I love him and respect him, no matter what anyone says. And I sincerely wish for more characters like him in leading roles.

I really wanted more of their interactions. At least two more episodes to show their past, maybe their acquaintance and to expand on that scene in the river, which gave people a very strange opinion about their relationship.

Do I think Silco is good? No, he is selfish, he did a lot of shit and tried to kill the daughters of a woman who was his friend, he raised one of them to be a complete psychopath, lied to her… but in his own way he loved her. However, he still did a lot of shit. Do I hate him? No, I still ship him with Vander, but I don't think Silco's a good person. Do I think he's redimable? Maybe, but I hate when people use his past to redeam him, redemption is something you do now, past only explains how you became what you became.

Jinx. Despite everyone's love for her, I think she deserved everything she got. But I "admire" how the fandom is protective of her. A rough childhood in the past does not justify her behavior in the present. You may think otherwise, you may like her, but I do not, although I think she is a very bright and memorable character, but as a person, as a human being she clearly sucks. The part with Isha just popped out of nowhere and seems far-fetched.

Ekko. Ma boy! I love him, but there is a "BUT". Basically, Ekko is the one who started this whole mess. He was the one who gave Vi a tip about Jace's apartment, and basically, he is indirectly to blame for Vi's death in that AU and in our universe he is to blame for Silco tracking down Vander. That's all. But do I blame him? No.

Ekko and Jinx… well, I liked their dynamic and chemistry in the alternate universe. But I think they probably wouldn't have a future in the original one.

Vi and Caitlyn. Well… they just are. I find it hard to believe that two girls from literally different worlds could fall in love within only two days. Of course, I do not think that such romances aren't possible, sometimes you see two characters and that just becames so obvious for you, but I personally didn't have that feeling with these two. Again, I didn't have enough of their dynamic together. And also I can't be mad at Caitlyn for switching to Maddie. It did feel odd, tho. But she and Vi.. there was just one quick kiss between them, no love words, they didn't even have time to develop their feelings into a relationship. And then there was a sex scene. I don't hate this ship, it's bright and dynamic, but something was lacking between them for sure.

Jayce (whom I like the most in season 2) and Victor ship. This one is complicated. Let's start with the fact that I understand why people ship them. But… they didn't feel as a potential ship to me at all. Probably because I've seen enough of such ships and they don't surprise me at all. This is a ship of two friends, that's a common thing in fandoms. Two conventionally attractive guys, one of whom is built like a god. I like their dynamics individually, or as friends, but I will never argue with anyone that ships them, I will never say the ship has no right to exist or that they are "brothers" because someone said so. I don't care about them as a ship, but I see that people are inspired by it, and I don't see anything wrong with people considering them soulmates and lovers and I sincerely don't understand the hate towards the boys. I think it was obvious from the very first moment that peopple would ship them.

However, I will still add a fly in the ointment: I did not like Jayce's speech at the end of the series about Victor being perfect even with his imperfections he had…I just… Dude, are you serious? This imperfection is literally killing your friend and if what happened hadn't happened, he would have already died. His imperfection was causing him hellish pain, it is not even about the looks, bad habits like alcoholism and smoking, it's not even about physical limitations… it's about dying, for gods sake! So are you for real?

Maybe everyone sees this moment in their own way, but it was cringy for me to hear it, despite the beauty of the scene.

Vi and Jayce. I really liked their dynamic together, I would probably ship them, but alas. However, I liked their conversations, how they work together, I would like more moments with them, they would make great friends.

That's it, probably.

I'm glad that Mel will be in Nexus. And I also don't understand the hatred towards her, although I also don't think she and Jayce are a good couple, they should have remained just friends and colleagues.

[thetriggeredhappy]

Hey hey, 48-hour moratorium's over! In light of that --

It's been a good 72ish hours and I'm still beside myself (in a good way) about how everything panned out -- like, woah; this might be the most upbeat conclusion I've ever seen a Valve game get. And the fandom's (largely) positive/joyful reaction to the comic has been delightful to witness. Three cheers for the comics team... wasn't expecting to see issue #7 this year, but it was a fantastic holiday gift.

Really looking forward to seeing what people make of post-canon and the seven-year timeskip (Scout's post-canon life being the most fleshed out out of all the mercs is fascinating to me... leaves a lot of room to interpret what the others have been getting up to, which is fun!). Very curious to know more about all the cut content Jay Pinkerton was talking about in that one email -- but I'm also (somewhat uncharacteristically) content with not knowing? What we got was pretty golden.

Pointing and nodding at the subtle little things (Heavy & Medic, Patton being dressed up like a mini-Demo)... likewise reckoned that semi-implicit stuff's probably the most we could've gotten from a Valve IP, so I'm glad to have it.

On a Scout-related note: overjoyed to see him living his best sitcom life, with his four kids and his Venture Bros haircut (and his seemingly-better relationship with Spy). Figured for a while that he might retire post-canon, but actually seeing that pan out was wild. In a nice way. Very happy for him.

i’m honestly really surprised to see so many people being taken aback at how lighthearted the ending of the comic series is. the tone of the comics in TF2 have pretty much universally been silly and goofy and fun and campy, this seemed perfectly in line in my opinion—the only thing i find at all unusual is the lack of sarcasm. that’s the thing, is that it’s extremely easy to write something over-earnest and for it to come across as kind of… shiny-eyed and nauseating. to be frank, a ton of what we did get was toeing the line, but they put enough effort in over the previous comics to make it all feel pretty deserved. all things considered, after what they’ve all been through, pyro deserves a puppy. of course medic would keep the baboon. of course soldier and zhanna would have kids. more shocking to me is the slightly smaller heartwarming moments—it would be so easy to make saxton hale just kick olivia out because we cut ahead 11 years and oops, she’s 18 now, scram! it would be so easy for miss pauling to have just been bowled over by the plane instead of having spy leap to help her in an incredibly selfless moment, considering his character. it would be so easy to make pyro wave to the engineer on the balcony instead of running, visibly cheering, completely estatic.

it would’ve been so easy to make the “our team were never even considered a real team—the other demomen don’t need to make their own explosives, the tech is handed to them on a silver platter. our demo is forced to do it himself because Mann Co does not care.” reveal so cruel and direct and cutting, but instead, demo is having it entirely on his own, quietly, subtly. the choice to make it something you have to really think about to notice speaks to a level of… maturity, from the writing staff.

the reason we get this happy ending is, to a degree, because at this point the writing is done with the assumption that the readers can be trusted to read and marinade and interpret.

frankly, i’ve known for many years that the only happy ending that any of them could truly get - i mean this from the bottom of my heart - is for several of them to stop being mercenaries entirely. Mann Co and the teams and the desert and miss pauling burying these bodies and negotiating for weapons have always been backlit in the subtext as that the thing they are doing is hurting them and preventing them from living real lives and growing as human beings. any ending where they didn’t break free of that cycle is grimdark and edgy in a way that the writers have made very clear they like to mock and cartoonify, and the choice to instead take itself fairly seriously and to commit to things being okay is a much more daring decision, from a writing perspective. a few issues ago medic was pouring blood back into them in buckets.

fantastic comic, my favorite thing in the world is stories and writing that trust you to engage with them earnestly, and this probably takes the cake. the administrator’s storyline is fucking haunting. and, unfortunately, would.

[shychick-52]

Louie and Della's development (long post)

In honor of Louie and Della Day (which I'm a day late for), I thought I'd post my favorite scenes:

I always found it very interesting that in 'The Secret of Castle McDuck', Louie was the most upset and affected by Dewey keeping his investigation and findings about their mom a secret (and I love how it clearly sounds like he's holding back tears; fantastic reading by Bobby Moynihan).

"You kept a secret about Mom."

"That is not ok."

And when Della came back in 'Nothing Can Stop Della Duck', he thought it was way too good to be true, thinking it was "a trick, or a curse from Magica, or a parallel universe" (and it was perfect how the most street-smart and shifty triplet was immediately on his guard- because like he said in another episode, "You can't outcon a con"- and the thing is, his concerns were totally valid and not that farfetched after everything they've seen and experienced with Scrooge):

And I love how he couldn't keep up his reservations for more than a few seconds before tearfully embracing her with his brothers:

"Mom!"

And... ngl, that's why I hate how Louie immediately goes back to being skeptical, reserved, and forcing himself to be emotionally distant throughout nearly the rest of the episode, even after Della spoke from the bottom of her heart (before she began trying to bond with them):

"Boys, I don't know what to say. Except that I am so sorry I ever set foot on that rocket. I never meant to leave you... or miss your first steps... or potty-training..."

"What I'm trying to say is... for a decade, I have fought to get back to this family. And I will fight every day to be a part of it, if you'll have me."

Louie is still uncertain, and starts to say "I- I-" but the others eagerly embrace her and declare them to be a family again.

It always bothers me that Dewey had to force Louie's hand on top of Della's.

*Still speaking from her heart* "I missed you so much! You deserve to have the best mom and I'm going to be the best mom, starting right now!"

And YES, before anyone says it, I do get why Louie felt the way he did, especially being the most independent and cynical triplet:

"Hey, look, don't get me wrong. Of course I'm happy to have Mom back. I don't know, it's probably my fault... I've gone so long without a mom, I guess I don't really know how to have one?"

His feelings are absolutely understandable and valid, and she was still basically a stranger to him at that point- I mean, Donald kept them in the dark about their mom and her legacy (their whole family legacy) all their lives, and it took finding out their brother was secretly investigating her for him and Huey to find out more about her and the Spear of Selene- but it still disappoints me after how upset he was about Dewey keeping secrets about her, how he was so quick to emotionally accept her right after being so instinctively skeptical at first, and after her emotional, earnest speech to them.

It bothers me that it took her risking her life to save Louie to prove herself to him, or to realize she truly does care. Like, not only is she a veteran adventurer, but she's their mom- ofc she'd do that without thinking twice about it!

But I absolutely love her end speech and Louie's response. It didn't feel like a rehash of her speech from earlier in the episode, when you think about the conversation she overheard about them struggling to come to terms with having her in their lives (especially how Louie was the most skeptical):

"Huey. Dewey. Louie. I know you're not used to having a mom. And I am not used to being one. But I'll figure it out as we go along."

Louie: "We all will."

And I always get emotional during their conversation in the season 2 finale, "Moonvasion". It felt like not only a perfect conclusion to Louie's arc in that season, but the development of his and Della's relationship (including after all unfortunate drama starting in 'Timephoon') . Scared for their future because of the Moonvasion, Della is sadly humming her old lulaby as she looks at her drawing of her boys. Louie notices she's alone and apparently not doing so great, and actually feels comfortable enough to approach her about it:

"Hey, Mom."

"I drew this back when I had to imagine what you boys looked like."

"I think you really nailed Dewey."

"On the moon, all I could think about was being your mom. The adventure, the fun. I wasn't prepared for... all this."

Louie: "Look, I hate surprises. I like seeing every angle of a situation so I can take control of it. But you can't plan for everything... sometimes a robot boy uses you for a pinata."

Della: "I think I'm losing the thread here..."

Louie: "But sometimes the mom you thought you lost comes back. And that's a surprise too. So, you deal with bad surprises because they may lead to a good one."

"But what if Lunaris succeeds? What if I lose you again? What if-"

"You know, when I'm terrified- which is often- I try to remember this old song:

Face each new sun with eyes clear and true.

Unafraid of the unknown-"

Della: -"Because I'll face it all with you."

"I wrote that song before I got lost. How did you hear it?"

"Well, Uncle Donald used to sing it to us when we were little."

Not only does it beautifully fulfill the development in their relationship and allow them to move past the drama between them, not only does Louie reach incredible growth in his maturity, but it's Louie being the parent to Della... comforting her and offering her reassurance (and I love Louie showing a moment of weakness/vulnerability in admitting he often gets scared, which is not easy for him). A perfect way to conclude the second season, Louie's arc, and the development of Della's return to the family.

Thoughts?

[weepingpalaceathletelight-blog]

There's a difference between shipping two characters and acknowledging the intense (usually gay) bond between characters. You guys get what I mean, right? Like I'm not just going insane?

Like a BSD example:

-I casually ship Louisa X Lucy because I feel like their dynamic could work in a romantic context and because I love it when girls are in love and they both deserve to be happy 🩷

-HOWEVER Chuuya and Dazai have an intense bond, they are one soul in two bodies, written and designed to compliment the other, Chuuya trusts Dazai with his life and vice versa, Dazai believed in Chuuya's humanity from the very beginning, their old and sorted dynamic, Chuuya being like the only one who understands Dazai's motives, and so, knowing all of this, I simply have no choice but to acknowledge their homosexuality because if I don't then I'm just being willfully ignorant

Or a MHA example:

-I somewhat ship Dabi x Hawks because it's hilarious whilst also having beautiful potential for angst

-BUT Bakugou and Midoriya quite simply just are gay as shit for each other and I have no choice but to accept it. Rivals constantly pushing the other, their complicated history and how they've both grown because of it, their understanding of the other, Bakugou basically trusting Midoriya with his fears and insecurities, Bakugou being the first to know about One for All, Kaachan Bakugou.

Or a MTP example:

-I guess you could say I ship Microsoft X Albert because I think it's sorta very funny and extremely plausible.

-MEANWHILE William and Sherlock are like the only person who understands each other and can keep up with them and Sherlock is diving off of buildings and cradling William's head as they fall (in love).

Or a JJK example:

-I kinda ship Maki X Nobara because I can and I want to and they could work

-ALTERNATIVELY Gojo and Geto where each others one and only best friend, best friend they ever had, knows his smell, his heart and soul know otherwise. They're just disgustingly in love and I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it except cry

Or a Haikyuu example:

-I do ship Hanamaki X Matsukawa because lord is it hilarious and the fanon presentation of a romantic relationship between them is always the funniest thing ever and the fics are so good

-YET Hinata and Kageyama are exactly what the other needed, Kageyama found his better half, their constant pushing of the other to do better, promises fulfilled and matches won, casual moments and casual touch. I did not choose to see them in a romantic light, they forced me to. I am a victim

Or a Merlin example:

-I dabble in shipping Percival X Gwaine purely because I can and no one is gonna stop me

-ALTHOUGH Merlin and Arthur are so gross and icky and care about each other so much and repeatedly risk their lives for the other and Arthur asked Merlin to hold him whilst he dies and Merlin spends forever waiting for Arthur's return. I just can't view them platonically or something after everything I've seen them do and I don't believe anyone who says that they truly don't seem them as romantic or at least something other than platonic or brotherly because how could you not??

Or a Doctor Who example:

-I could ship the Doctor X Jack because that's actually class

-UNFORTUNATELY that would be asking me to ignore the Doctor and Rose. He burned up a sun to say goodbye. He loved her. She loved him, was willing to never see her mother again if it meant she stayed with him. I'm sorry but cmonnnn

Nah but you get what I mean, right? Like I don't 'ship' these people, they're just IN LOVE and I hate them for it.

[softie-rain]

do you think if sej was dating a high ranked reader in the capitol and while being paired together academy coryo would want to take control and try to take her from sej as he is so fckin power hungry?

This isn't the best lol, I tried. Sorry for any grammar mistakes! 🫶🏻

First thing first, Coriolanus is in denial (as we all know) of his feelings for Sej. Whether you see them as platonic or romantic, Coriolanus spends the whole book lying to himself and saying things like, "I hate him." Still, one thing he truly hates about him is that he has everything when, in Coryo's eyes, he doesn't deserve it.

So imagine if Sejanus got a girlfriend who's as rich and powerful as him [Sejanus]: Coriolanus would be furious. Why not him? What does Sej have that Coriolanus doesn't other than money?

He'll probably try to "steal you" by showing you what you're missing, though other than by showing off his best looks (he asks Tigris how to style his hair better lmao) he can't do much more. Especially because his wardrobe is limited, and he's too ashamed to undress in front of you (during gym, for example) because of his badly fed body.

He has to be subtle though, because Sejanus still considers him his friend. And Coriolanus would never steal his best friend's girlfriend!

Sejanus is also kind of naïve so if Coriolanus asked to join the two of you on a date or something, he'd probably say yes, thinking Coryo just wants to spend more time with him.

I've seen some fics where Sejanus lets Coriolanus fucks his girlfriend to "teach him" how to please her, but that one's a big no for me. Sejanus' naïve but not that dumb c'mon. Also, he knows how to please you on his own trust me

... but yeah he wouldn't notice if Coriolanus flirted with you. He'd probably think he's just being extremely nice and that's just how he is.

You, on the other hand, after some time understand what Coryo is trying to do. All the compliments he makes, how he's always trying to get your attention... You don't mind it, not really, especially if he's not really that invasive.

He stalks you, follows you home and make sure to go unnoticed so you don't know that.

After maybe, a year? That you and him know each other he'll ask you out.

"So, I was thinking... You and I never hang out together, do we?"

"I mean, we're friends only because you know Sejanus. Why would we?"

His heart broke a little. But you still accept to go out with him, maybe you just hang out in a park for example?

And that's how your relationship works: Coriolanus flirting with you, and trying to (subtly) have you to leave Sejanus. He'll slowly start to try and get more time alone with you, and eventually you'll get close to the point that you're as friends as Sejanus and Coryo are.

Once he gets you to become his close friend (a plan that takes two years minimum tbh. I feel like you and Sejanus started dating at 16, and Coriolanus is a perfectionist. He makes sure all his tactics, every single thing he says to you is carefully planned), this could either go with you leaving Sej for Coryo or stay with Sej. Personally I'd never leave Sejanus if he was my boyfriend BUT leaving this as an """open""" ending so you choose how it goes.

[sexydreamgirl]

💟

The best best best advice I can give you is to put your knowledge into practice. The "worst" that could happen is that it wasn't true and your life remains the same, you won't lose anything by simply trying.

Running such a well known blog in the loa community often overshadows the fact that I was once a beginner who went through the exact same uncertainty and concern that you guys did. I had my doubts, I felt that it was too good to be true, I was afraid to have come across something so wonderful only to find out it was a hoax. We all felt that fear at one point. Even so, I practiced what I learned. I didn't always succeed on the first "attempt" but I got the hang of it eventually and I succeeded. When you succeed, you feel more confident to do it once more because you have proof that it did work, and then you keep on doing that again and again and your list keeps on growing. You get to a point where your faith in the law is so unshakeable that you're not moved by absolutely anything. If you have tested it and seen for yourself that the law is real, does it really matter what the world thinks? No.

I have absolutely nothing to gain from creating a platform where I publish nonsense to thousands of people (for free, might I add). I joined this community to learn more about the law and to share what I've learned through reading Neville's lectures as well as from application. When you're in the present moment relishing the fruits of your shift in consciousness the last thing you will think about is people who don't believe in or even try to disprove the law. When I think back to what I've manifested, as an LOA blog I think to myself about how I really wish my followers could also take that leap of faith and apply what they've learned. Each and every single one of you is capable of achieving and acquiring absolutely anything you set your heart on. I was able to do it, my fellow LOA mutuals were able to do it, what makes you any different? You guys deserve to be happy, you deserve everything you could ever want. You deserve the career, the house, the relationship, the friend group, everything. This world was made by and for you. There are plenty of us here to speak on it but nothing will ever truly compare to the satisfaction you will feel when you apply and succeed.

We have a whole community full of different blogs posting their personal interpretations, there should be at least one blog that will make sense and resonate with you. We've told you everything you need to know. All else that is asked of you is that you have faith and start applying.

[astroprompts]

✧ —𝐁𝐎𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 [𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝟑]

“Darling, you're doing marvelously, I am so proud of you.”

“Just write a script for me, so I don't have to think for myself.”

“You better not have gotten your failure stink all over my important movie star clothes.”

“That is going to lead to some wackiness. You mark my words.”

“Hey, champ, I have a very important job for you.”

“Why does everything I love fall apart as soon as I touch it?”

“What legacy of ruin am I left with? What rewards have I reaped for the damage done?”

“You look different. Older. A lot older.”

“I'm not interested in being rebirthed. I'm still recovering from being birthed the first time.”

“I want to do things that connect with people, things that last.”

“If I'm going to sacrifice my journalistic integrity, it's because I'm having sex with a movie star.”

“How do you make something right when you've made it so wrong you can never go back?”

“Thanks a lot. Once again, you've been no help whatsoever.”

“What, you're just gonna stay at home and get drunk all day?”

“Let's get wrecked and get Shreked.”

“You're bright and you're funny and you're handsome and you're talented. But if you can't see that, then you're the biggest, dumbest piece of shit in the world.”

“If you get scared, look for me in the audience. I'll be there the whole time, laughing and cheering louder than anyone.”

“Thirty years I threw into this job, and it destroyed me from the inside out.”

“A lot of guys in your position wouldn't take gigs like this. They'd be afraid people would make fun of them.”

“If you care about what other people think, you're never gonna do anything.”

“Put the corpse on ice, I'm on my way.”

“I'm not avoiding you. I'm just making an effort to not be in a room alone with you because I am... Avoiding you.”

“You know, I think we're alike in a lot of ways. Sometimes that's great, but it also means we can bring out the worst in each other.”

“I just think maybe it's better, for both of us, if we keep things a little more professional.”

“It smells like a skunk skunked another skunk in here, then they smoked a joint. What happened?”

“Sometimes you need to take responsibility for your own happiness.”

“It takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are, even longer to see it doesn't have to be that way.”

“I haven't seen you since high school. You look great!”

“My dumb best friend's getting married, so I'm here for the rehearsal dinner.”

“Boring regular people love it when movie stars show up and drink their alcohol.”

“This is not the time for one of your weird stories that go nowhere.”

“If you're lucky enough to find someone you can halfway tolerate, sink your nails in and don't let go, no matter what.”

“One day, you're gonna look around and you're going to realize that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world.”

“I would seriously like to know what crawled up your butt, made a home for itself in your butt, started a family, lived a fruitful life, and then died up your butt.”

“When you do bad things, you have something you can point to when people eventually leave you. It's not you, you tell yourself, it's that bad thing you did.”

“Listen, I've been with guys like you before, and I know this thing works better if we keep a little distance.”

“It's so sad that when you see someone as they really are, it ruins them.”

“You're sweet. You shouldn't waste that on people who don't deserve it.”

“Are you sure this whole thing isn't just a semi-lucid fever dream from mixing the wrong pills?”

“It's so cruel to let people love you. All you're doing is promising you'll one day break their hearts.”

“We don't really have the kind of relationship where we talk about things.”

“Just because you have a shitty relationship with your family doesn't mean every other family has to have drama too.”

“Ugh! Why did I get my hopes up? Why do I keep letting you get my hopes up?”

“Do a girl a favor, don't break her heart by inches. Do it all at once. It'll save everyone some time.”

“Should we get dinner, or are you just thinking drinks?”

“Good luck finding another charming first-generation Italian immigrant with this kind of darling accent, who makes equally delightful malapropisms!”

“Is there a single woman you've worked with who you haven't tried to groggily thrust yourself into?”

“You're such a self-pitying masochist, I could say ten nice things and one mean thing, you would only hear the one mean thing.”

“Did you ever love me? At all?”

“You know that I don't do the whole love thing. Either you end up hurting someone or they hurt you. So, what's the point?”

“I do love you, by the way. I mean, as much as I'm capable of loving anyone.”

“I assure you the animated GIFs with which I describe this encounter shall be scathing!”

“You can't keep doing shitty things, and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay!”

“You are all the things that are wrong with you. It's not the alcohol, or the drugs, or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career, or when you were a kid. It's you.”

“Your skin is so soft, it's like you murdered a baby and stole its skin. Your skin is murdered-baby soft.”

“Let's get higher than a stilt walker's dick!”

“If you have to listen to losers talk about their shitty sober lives, it's a lot more fun to be buzzed.”

“You're going to want to rush in there and do whatever you can to save them, but you have to stop yourself, because there are some people you can't save. 'Cause those people will thrash and struggle and try to take you down with them.”

“I always forget that there are more than just the six stars you can see in the Los Angeles sky.”

“In the great grand scheme of things, we're just tiny specks that will one day be forgotten.”

“The only thing that matters is right now, this moment. This one spectacular moment we are sharing together.”

“I'm poison. I come from poison. I have poison inside me, and I destroy everything I touch.”

“I have nothing to show for the life that I've lived, and I have nobody in my life who's better off for having known me.”

“What's your deal? I feel like you like me, but you don't like me, but you like me, and I don't know what that is.”

“Are you gay? You can tell me if you're gay, it's fine. This isn't the 1600s, or some places in the present.”

“I'm not gay. I mean, I don't think I am, but... I don't think I'm straight, either.”

[sayit3x]

Mrs. Juice’s Journal #33, part 2

When we disappeared from the dome and materialized in a dimly lit bedroom, Betel's legs buckled. After spending so much magic, he was passing out in my arms. We were both still dirty from the conflict and soaked through from his hurricane, so it was no wonder he began shivering. I snapped my fingers and replaced his clothes with warm, clean, striped pajamas, his suit appearing in a laundry hamper, boots by the closet. I guided him to the bed where the covers magically pulled back, and tucked him in under a soft, heavy comforter. He tried to sit up, but I gently yet firmly pushed him back down.

“Ma…” he whispered.

“Shhhh… Rest now, Betel. We'll talk later.”

“But–”

So stubborn. 

“Sleep,” I commanded, waving a hand over his face and, with a little magic, he was out like a light. I was glad I asked Donny to teach me that one, though if Betel hadn't already been so depleted, that little trick probably wouldn't have worked.

While he slept, I took the time to ready our new home away from home. I'd furnished it years ago, but the house had never truly been used and everything was hidden under sheets, not to mention a thick layer of dust. I snapped the sheets away and made the house tidy itself, with brooms, dusters, and other cleaning tools floating around, doing their duty. While they were busy, I traveled topside to gather ingredients to make us a proper meal whenever Betel woke. 

He’d already been asleep for hours by the time I decided it was safe to pop home for a visit. I was eager to apologize to Nat and Donny for what happened at the quarry. I set up a spell like a baby monitor to tell me if Betelgeuse woke, and teleported into my living room, where Nat and Donny were already talking. They immediately rose when I appeared, and I threw my arms around both of them. While Nat embraced me, I felt Donny freeze, still unsure what to make of me after what he'd seen.

“I'm sorry, my dears. Both of you have been so patient with Betel and me. We don't deserve it, but we couldn't get by without it.”

Donny burst into tears then, and pressed his face into my shoulder, hugging me tight.

“Mama, I… I don’t know what to think,” he sobbed. “How could you do something like that to Betel?”

I sighed heavily, already weary of the conversation we were about to have. I pulled back from them and looked Donny in the eye, cradling his face. I didn't have to worry about Nat. I was confident that even if he didn't understand my exact actions, as a parent he understood my intent. 

“Let's talk,” I said gently. I took a seat, and didn't speak again until they joined me. 

“Donny, do you have any children running around that I don't know about?” I asked calmly.

He blushed violently and fiercely shook his head. Though that strong reaction made me wonder about his relationship experience, I tabled that line of questioning for another day.

I continued, “Then you've never been a parent. You don't know what it's like. To want what's best for your children, even when it hurts them sometimes. To struggle when you don't know exactly what “best” means, especially when it clashes with what they want. But you do what you can to be their ally, stay in their corner, and understand them, even someone as complicated and haunted as Betelgeuse.”

“Haunted?” Donny asked, confused and concerned.

I raised my hand to interrupt his train of thought. We didn’t have time to pull on that particular thread, and it wasn’t my story to tell.

I continued, “Today, you saw me do what was best for Betel. To stop him before he hurt people he cared about, which would put him at risk for the Fires of Damnation. Were there other things I could’ve tried? Yes. But I wasn't sure they'd work, and I'd lose the element of surprise if I failed. As much as I've practiced to keep up with Betel over the centuries, he’s so powerful that I don't think I'd beat him even in a fair fight. And you know Betel isn't above fighting dirty if he has to. He wouldn't mean to hurt me, but he was so swept up in his own pain that he couldn't even see me.”

Donny mutely nodded, trying to wrap his head around my words. But it was clear he was really struggling to reconcile the shocking act he’d seen with his own optimistic ideals about what “good” and “best” meant. Maybe it was time to try another approach.

 “What’s the lesson from Robin Hood?” I asked him.

He blinked, dumbfounded. “Steal from the rich and give to the poor?”

I chuckled quietly at how my boys were more similar than they realized. “You're thinking too linearly, Donny. The lesson is that sometimes doing the right thing means doing it the wrong way, at least by society’s standards. That doesn't mean the way you do things, the way you think about things is bad. It's just different from what I do. And my way is different from your brother’s.” 

He stared at me, face scrunched up in thought, still wrestling with questions he couldn’t resolve.

“I just feel like I don't even know you, Mama,” he finally said.

My sweet Donny, always so honest, so forthright. I took his face in my hands again. “Then we can work on that, starting right now.” 

I looked in my youngest son’s eyes and began. “I'm the woman who bore you both in a little house on the edge of the village under a clear night sky in summer. The same one who told you stories and tucked you in when you were young. Who raised you alongside your father and sent you away to keep you safe, because I love you that much. I’m the woman who then tended to Betelgeuse, and after my death, watched him grow up and struggle to survive alone. The one who sought you and your brother out after you died to bring you back to our family, because I was worried about both of you. I’m your mother, Donatello, just like I’m Betel’s. And I’ll do what’s necessary, like I’ve always done, even when I wasn’t proud of it, to keep you two safe. If you and your brother are on opposite ends of the spectrum, I'm somewhere in the middle, like a bridge between you, trying to keep our family together.”

He was crying now and even as I wiped his tears away with my thumbs, it was hard to keep up with them, to catch his sadness in my hands.

“Mama… “ he choked out. “Do you love Betelgeuse more than you love me?”

That raw question, which may have plagued him for centuries, broke my heart. If he thought that, even for a second, then I’d failed as his mother.

“Donatello, listen to me carefully. I’d rather tear myself in half trying to save you both than lose either of you. I love my sons, even if that love is expressed differently for each of you. I’m so sorry I ever made you think for a moment that wasn’t the case. You are so deeply loved, mio figlio, and I promise to do more to prove it to you.”

He exhaled a shaking breath of relief, and finally smiled weakly. “It’s ok, Mama,” he sobbed. “I love you, too, and I’m sorry I doubted you.”

Then before I knew it, I was quietly weeping. I let his face go to wipe my own tears away. “I shouldn’t earn your forgiveness so easily, Donny. You're always so kind and polite, so positive, trying to see the best in others, even when they don't appreciate you. I don't know how you do it.” I paused to shake my head gently. 

Still crying, Donny chortled and shrugged. “I don’t either, it’s just what I am. Sometimes I wish I could be more like Betel.”

I took his hands then, squeezing them firmly. “The way you see the world, especially someplace as dark and twisted as the Neitherworld, is a gift. You see the potential for goodness all around you. Betel has learned to see the opposite. Bearing either outlook is a painful way to exist. You risk heartbreak if people don't meet your hopes for them, and Betel is just as frustrated when his suspicions about the worst in people are right. You’re twins, the Gemini, two sides of the same coin, and you’re more alike than you know.”

My words seemed to comfort him, like they gave him hope that he could still have a relationship with his twin. The flow of his tears began to ebb.

“I want to know… I envy you, Mama. I want to know my brother better, like you do, but I don’t know how.”

“Then when he gets home, you should start by telling him that and hear his story from him, not me. Don’t give up, Donny.” 

He nodded, squeezing my hands, and I took that as my cue to hug my youngest son. My poor boys. It’d been such a difficult day for everyone. Just then, I felt the tug of my spell, alerting me that Betel was stirring. It was time to go. I looked at my husband and son, already feeling guilty for leaving Donny when he’d been feeling more vulnerable than I’d ever recognized.

“It seems Betel is waking up. He collapsed as soon as we left the quarry, he’s been out since. I should go,” I said hesitantly.

Donny nodded and his expression softened. “Take care of my brother for me,” he said gently, every word sincere.

The three of us stood and Nat took my hand. “Darling, Juno was here. She wanted to return this,” he said, and pulled Betel's contract with The Worsener from his back pocket, along with a note, which bore just two heavy words: “I'm sorry.” 

It meant there was nothing Juno could do to break the contract and she’d found no extraordinary loopholes that would help Betel weasel his way out of it. If there was a way Betel could stay in Lydia's life, it was already there, captured in otherworldly ink. I looked up at my husband, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. 

Sniffling, I said, “I just want to do right by my children… but I feel so helpless.”

Nat wrapped his arms around me, tilted my chin up and looked at me gently, reassuringly, in the way he always did when I felt lost, when I needed his comfort to right a world that felt like it was tilting off its axis.

“You, my love, are the least helpless woman I know. You’ve always guided this family, even when it hasn’t been easy, and this time isn’t any different. Betelgeuse is probably falling apart, and, right now, the only person who can help him is you. Whenever you two are ready to come home, we’ll be here. So, go put our Betel back together.”

Always preoccupied with providing for our family, Nataniele was a man of few words, but when he found them, they were often exactly what I needed to hear. Confidence restored, I looked at my husband lovingly before kissing him goodbye. I hugged Donatello one more time, resolving to renew my bond with him once we got through this crisis. And with a thought, I disappeared from my home, reappearing at Betel’s bedside. 

He was tossing and turning with sweat on his brow, beginning to thrash more violently. With Lydia’s name on his lips, he reached out, trying to grab hold of something that was eluding him. Finally, he bolted upright with arms outstretched, yelling, “NO!”

In an instant, I sat next to him and held his shoulders, trying to wake him and calm him down. 

“Betel!” I called, not knowing if he could hear me.

His eyes snapped open, confused, trying to process that he was now awake. 

I persisted, gently soothing him, petting his head as I said, “It’s ok, Betel, it’s alright. It was just a dream.”

“Not a dream,” he panted out, still trying to catch his breath. “A nightmare.”

He had a nightmare? Him?

I studied his face and hesitantly asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

He stilled, thinking, deciding, and finally began, “I was back in Winter River, but I was a giant snake again… You know the one. She was terrified, worse than when she first saw me. Hysterical, clawing at the door to get away. I tried talking to her, but every word was a hiss. No matter what I did, it just scared her more.” 

He paused, took a shuddering breath, and continued, “‘She panicked, ran… and fell down the stairs. I tried to catch her, but I didn’t have hands! When I reached to grab her with my tail, she recoiled, like she’d rather die than let me touch her. I heard so many bones break. She was dead by the time she hit the first floor… I couldn’t stop it.”

He was shaking, nearly in tears, so I carefully put my arms around him and rubbed his back. I needed no translation to understand what his dream meant. If the Ghost with the Most was having guilt-ridden nightmares about hurting his best friend, “killing” their friendship, his recovery would be a long and difficult one.

I spoke gently, “Lydia is alive now, because of you. You kept her safe, Betelgeuse. And she'd hate to see you beat yourself up like this.”

He whimpered, “She'd hate me, period. She doesn't know me anymore.”

I pulled away and stroked his wild mane, now more unkempt than usual from his restless sleep. “The Lydia Deetz we know and love is locked away with The Worsener somewhere. She's not dead. And this new Lydia can still learn to trust you when you meet again 30 years from now, just like she did before. All is not lost, mio figlio. We just need to figure out what to do in the meantime.”

Betel looked at me in wonder.

“I wish I’d introduced you two… before everything went to shit.”

I tilted my head. “Introduced me to who?”

“Lydia's stepmom, Delia.”

Ah, yes. His moment of hesitation at the quarry, what he wouldn't say about Lydia's stepmother in front of everyone else. 

“I have questions about that, but we'll come back to it. C’mon, get up and join me for breakfast.”

“Breakfast?”

“You were out for hours, Betel. It's nearly dawn.”

I led him through the house, and his eyes wandered over the architecture, taking in the look and scent of the wood and exposed beams, the straw mats under our feet, the paper stretched over sliding door frames. We arrived in the living room, where I had Betel take a seat on a cushion on the floor at the table.

“Ma, where are we?” he asked cautiously.

“A safehouse.”

“Oh…kay. But where exactly?”

I got up, walked to the sliding door that led out to the yard, and pushed it open dramatically to reveal a view of a lake next to the afterlife’s equivalent of Mt. Fuji.

“The Neitherworld beneath Japan. Fujikawaguchiko, specifically.”

“Japan?” He stared at me, incredulous, with eyebrows as high as they could lift. “And you have a safehouse here? Why?”

“After Leo X’s stupid attack, I started to worry you might have more enemies in the future. I needed a place no one knew about, where they wouldn't think to look, in case we had to take the family and run.”

His eyebrows gradually made their way down his forehead. “But why run when we could fight? Between the two of us, we could probably handle anyone.”

“Not every problem can be solved with violence, Betel. If they got to Nat or Donny first, they'd have leverage and we’d be compromised. Some things are just more complicated, they need time, strategy. Remember when Scuzzo framed you for stealing bad jokes and they jailed you in The Big House?”

“Yeah… they wouldn't listen. It wasn't ‘til Lyds…” his voice trailed off. He closed his eyes, took a breath and continued, “She found proof it was Scuzzo and got the Governor to pardon me.”

I nodded. “But that was just for a small crime. What if you'd been framed for murder? You know they don't waste time with The Big House or Oilcatraz for serious charges. If I couldn't get there in time to defend you, they'd send you straight down to the Fires of Damnation. And I wouldn't even get an apology if I proved they'd been wrong.”

He blinked.

 I shrugged and let my arms flop to my sides, resigned. “I'm the mother of two of the most notorious ghosts in the Neitherworld, even if they're on opposite sides of the spectrum. I've had nothing but time to plan how to protect them. We needed a safehouse, I got one. That's it.”

Betel gaped at me, blinking like he’d just snapped back to himself. Finally he spoke, his brow furrowed. “But we don't speak Japanese!”

“We'll learn. And anyone seeking you out would probably assume we’d run to a country where we're already fluent. Besides, I've been picking up the basics during my visits when I was scouting for a place.”

He shook his head. “You could've picked anywhere in the world. Hell, we could be colder than a witch’s tit with Santa in the North Pole right now. Why Japan?”

“For a while, I considered South America since we already speak Spanish and Portuguese. But when you were constrained to graveyards in the 80’s, I needed a place with plenty of cemeteries, just in case. Japan has lots of them. Many are beautiful, some are private, some are public. They're all over the country, so we have options. Here, I’ll show you.”

I pulled him to standing and snapped my fingers, teleporting us to the edge of the lake at Kogamasao Memorial Park, where the sun was rising, bathing Mt. Fuji in the pinks, oranges, and purples of daybreak. Betel’s eyes widened, tears gathering in the corners, and his breath hitched in his throat. Betel’s reaction was appropriate. The sight really was breathtaking, and I felt his shoulders relax beside me, the tension leaving his body. This was exactly why I’d chosen Japan. 

So many cemeteries and memorial parks in Japan were absolutely stunning. Even when they weren’t abundant in natural beauty, these resting places were carefully manicured, reflecting the deep respect the Japanese people held for their dead. If Betel was going to recover from the impact crater of losing Lydia and figure out what his afterlife looked like now, he needed the peace and equanimity to do it. Japan, with the tranquility and freedom its cemeteries provided, could give him that.

I stayed silent, letting Betel absorb the views in the morning light. Minutes passed before he took a big breath and let it out. Finally, he spoke, his gaze still fixed on the sunrise. 

“Ma… Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome, Betel.”

He went quiet again and I let him take his time, gathering his thoughts.

His voice broke when he said, “I dunno what to do, Ma, I… I feel so… powerless.”

I could only imagine. To be the Ghost with the Most, arguably one of the strongest, most feared ghosts in the Neitherworld, and yet totally paralyzed, shackled by the contract, unable to fix anything. 

“Then we’ll figure out the rules in this–” I produced his contract in my hand. “–and what you can do to get some agency back.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me. “Are you sure you and Delia haven’t been talking? Cuz she said nearly the same damn thing. Did I miss a conference call or a meeting or something?”

“About that. You started to say something about her stepmother, then changed course.”

He huffed. “Nothing gets past you, does it?”

I smirked. “I learned from the best.”

He managed to give me a weak smirk. “You know how sometimes I'd turn into Lydia's best friend from school, Betty? Delia knew it was me the whole time.”

My mouth fell open. “But you'd been using that Betty disguise for years.”

“Yeah, she knew about that and all my other disguises. She just acted like she had no clue to… keep things simple. She'd supported us being friends, trusted me to keep Lydia safe. She's the only one alive that knows about the contract with The Worsener.”

“Not even her father, huh?”

“Nope. Chuckie definitely couldn't handle it if he knew. He’s still in the dark.” He paused a moment before continuing. ���Delia told me to look for loopholes in the contract, ways to help Lydia from behind the scenes. To get my act together, bury the hatchet with my enemies, gather resources so when the 30 years are up I’d be ready for her.”

I raised my eyebrows, impressed. “That’s very strategic advice. Delia sounds like a shrewd businesswoman.”

“She’s an artist, but shrewd is dead on.”

Silence fell over us as we watched the sun continue its climb over the horizon.

“I'm not sure I can do this, Ma…” Betel finally said. “Tryin’ to help her without her seein’ me.” He shook his head. “I’d dive into the Lost Souls room headfirst if I got her killed…”

That got my attention and I turned to face him. “Betel, after everything that’s happened, there’s nothing wrong with just waiting out the 30 years. We all adore Lydia, but you don’t have to spend three decades in agony, afraid of hurting her while you try to walk the line of that contract to help her.”

He shook his head and turned to me with a look in his eyes that I’d never seen before. “I couldn’t walk away even if I wanted to. I always figured she’d… move on someday. Go find the things she couldn’t get hangin’ around with a dead guy all the time. College, a career…” He paused and took a breath, his voice cracking. “A boyfriend… husband… kids…” He blinked back the tears threatening to fall. “When I decided I didn’t care about breakin’ the curse anymore, I knew that meant lettin’ Lydia go. Even if we stayed friends, I couldn’t give her the life she deserved… But I still want to see that life play out. I wanna watch her first day at college, try her first beer and hate it, get stoned and love it, fail a test, argue with a professor, graduate with honors. I wanna see her bomb an interview and nail the next one. I wanna see how nervous she is on her first day at a new job, make friends at work, find her path… Fall in love. Get her heart broken… And finally find the lucky guy who marries her. I wanna watch her be a kickass mom to spooky kids that grow up to be just like her. And hopefully in 30 years, I’ll get a chance to tell her how much I’ve missed her.”

He took a breath and when he couldn’t hold his tears back anymore, I knew what his next words were going to be before he even said them.

“I love her, Ma. And I want to watch her be happy.”

I wept as my heart swelled. Bless Lydia Deetz. Betel had come so far in such a short time, all thanks to her. God, we were going to miss her so much.

Even as he wiped his tears away, they wouldn’t stop falling. “But it’ll be more than just watching. I can feel her in my head,” he sobbed.

Feel her? That… wasn't normal, not even for Betel. He'd been using telepathy for years, but only with very few people, like me and Juno, and to my knowledge, he’d never tried it with Lydia.

“What do you mean?” I asked cautiously, stemming my own tears with my sleeve.

His breath shuddered. “I don’t know what’s going on, or why, but right now, I’m feeling relief and I know it’s not mine. It’s gotta be Lydia, and it’s freakin’ me out.”

I studied him and thought for a moment. Since I was practiced in telepathy, perhaps I could tap in and help Betel understand whatever this was.

“I’d like to try and take a look, if you’re up for it,” I offered.

He nodded, so I took his face in my hands and brought his forehead to mine. I closed my eyes and concentrated, sensing his mind and what looked to my mind’s eye like a red thread extending from him out into the ether. When I touched the thread with my consciousness, it was like instantly traveling along a fiber optic cable. When I found myself at the other end of it, I felt Lydia’s mind and saw what was happening. They’d released her from the hospital and her parents had brought her home. They must have just walked in the door as Charles was still taking his coat off and Delia was walking Lydia upstairs to her room, presumably to rest. Lydia was relieved to be home, that’s what Betel had felt. I brought my consciousness back along that thread to Betel and finally back to myself, gently pulling my head away.

“Betel, I think she can do more than just see ghosts. She's probably a medium. And after being together so long, she probably made this bond with you herself and didn’t even realize it.”

“Ok… that actually makes sense… She did end up literally inside my head once. But why haven’t I noticed it until now?”

“I’d be guessing at this point. But why would you need a psychic connection to keep you two together if you saw each other everyday for three years?”

“So it was like… a lifeline? In case of emergency, break glass and unconsciously activate a soul bond with your dead best friend?”

“Like I said, it’s just a guess.”

Betel nodded, closed his eyes and sighed. Opening them, he took one last long look at the sunlight shining on Mt. Fuji and turned to me. “Let’s head back. Somebody promised me breakfast.”

I snapped us back to our safehouse, made us breakfast, and showed him around our new home. After we explored a few more nearby cemeteries, we slept in the same room on tatami mats on the floor that night. There were western style beds available in other rooms, but sleeping on the tatami mats reminded us of home. Not the home we knew stateside in the Neitherworld, but the little house we shared when we were alive, now dust in the earth. Back then our mattresses, if you can call them that, were just patchworks of cloth stuffed with hay, laid over a hard wooden frame and barely softer than sleeping on the floor. But I hoped that these tiny, gentle reminders of better times would help ground Betel as he worked through his grief. 

And his grief was staggering. Most nights were plagued by disturbing dreams where he lost Lydia in some dramatic and traumatizing fashion, over and over. I woke him from every nightmare he had, just like I did when he was a child. But even those nightly horrors of self-inflicted torture couldn’t keep him from wanting to protect and help Lydia in any way he still could. Between his promise to Delia, this weird tie binding him and Lydia together, and the abyss of his own guilt, Betelgeuse resolved that he wouldn’t leave his best friend’s life. So, once he recovered from his breakdown enough to function, we poured over the contract and started strategizing his options. He still had a lot of work ahead of him to prepare.

In the meantime, we explored the vast array of Japanese cemeteries, taking in the beauty of the country, and it went a long way to helping Betel heal. And even though it wasn’t easy, we learned Japanese. Betel never quite got the hang of speaking it fluently, but he muddled through by understanding others perfectly well. Gradually, he got comfortable enough navigating the language and the customs to even take on a few bio-exorcist jobs, though the demand was definitely limited. Japanese ghosts were in a league of their own and didn't typically need help haunting the living. Most of Betel's jobs were for Western ghosts who'd emigrated to Japan and would benefit from Betel's intervention. Occasionally he'd be summoned for jobs back home, but he was quick to return when the job was over.

We stayed for nearly a year, far longer than I expected. By the time we finally returned home, he’d calmed down dramatically and was generally less chaotic, more focused on his goals. Sometimes we returned to Japan when he had setbacks, like when Lydia got her first boyfriend in college, but they weren’t as bad as his initial breakdown and he recovered more quickly. He’d also learned to ride the wave of their psychic connection and could find Lydia anywhere in the world. Between that and secretly keeping an eye on Lydia through her mirrors, he became the shadow in her life she never knew was there, protecting and loving her from afar. His 30-year vigil had begun.

This journal dovetails into a Beetlejuice fanfiction epic that I'm posting chapter by chapter here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63522586/chapters/162777649

Chapter 32 "Across the threshold" is now up.