#one of my posts is getting notes exponentially atm

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

I often think about this.

If genocide means that a country shouldn't exist - why aren't you trying just as hard, if not harder, to dismantle the UK? the US? France? Japan? Russia?

After WW2 they did dismantle Germany a little bit. Just a tiny bit. Put different parts of it under foreign administration for a while. It worked out pretty terribly. East Germany is still suffering from the effects of that. And yet, at no point in this did anyone ever say "anyone who thinks Germany should be a country deserves to die".

If genocide, if colonialism means a country shouldn't exist - why is Israel the one you're focusing on so hard?

It's not the only one who's ever done colonialism. It's not even the only one who's doing genocide RIGHT NOW.

Why are you focusing so hard on the one (1) Jewish country in the whole world, like what they're doing is uniquely horrible and deserving of a uniquely awful punishment?

Think about it. Just think about it for a millisecond. Isn't there a possibility that there's some kind of deep rooted hateful sentiment driving those ideals? Isn't it possible that there's a little bit of a double standard here?

Isn't it maybe true that you're reaching for anything to justify why it should be okay to kill or expel half the world's Jews from their native homeland?

Just something to think about.

(For the record, I do think the US and UK should be dismantled in some way, but not in a way that makes a large percentage of the population leave or dead. Like that's not how any of this works. I thought we were all for preserving human life above anything else over here on the left.)

Let's say you truly believe the government of Israel is committing an actual genocide against Palestinians in Gaza.

After World War II, after Germany very much did commit genocide against Jews, what did we do? Let me first say what we did not do.

We did not kill all German citizens. We did not evict every German citizen from Germany. We did not dismantle the German state. We did not kill every German who was part of the NAZI party. We did not kill every German who served in the army during WWII. We did not kill every German who was part of the SS. We did not kill every German who guarded or worked in a ghetto or a concentration camp. We did not even kill every German who was a highly-ranked officer.

What DID we do? We held a trial. And yes, in the end, some of the officers found guilty in that trial were sentenced to death.

But that is all a far cry to what many of you "antizionists not antisemites" are proposing for Israel. Many of you are supporting individuals and organizations that are openly antisemitic, while claiming you personally aren't antisemitic. Some of you say "death to Israel" - at the worst, you want all Israelis to die. At "best", you mean you want the state of Israel to be destroyed. Many of you say "death to all zionists", which you seem unaware means you want 80% of all Jews to be murdered. Many of you are engaged in very clear antisemitism. But because you traded "Zionist" for "Jew", you think you're in the clear.

If the world after the horror of WWII could be more measured and careful in their treatment of the literal Nazis than you are being to Jews responding to an attack on their indigenous homeland...

Well.

That's all I have to say.

[neon-lights-stardust-nights]

A/N: This is very unedited... I pulled this out of my ass in a fit of horny. It was also a good way to try out actually writing Tommy. I cannot actually decide who's stronger atm, Slender or Tommy. I lean on the idea of Slender being the technically more powerful one, but Tommy is a lil cockroach of a creature that Slender cannot be bothered to deal with. That may change as I work with them in conjunction with one another, who knows?

Warning for... Well, shipcest, mostly. The Dmitry in this is 21 though, so everyone here is of a consenting age. Happy wanking.

This may eventually go on Ao3, so if this post vanishes: that's where it went.

Oh, and @tommytaffy encouraged me to post this! So here's what came out of it, if you wanna read it!

Dmitry had been hiding porn under faers bed.

How Tommy found out was irrelevant, though it was entirely innocent on its own. He was cleaning up a little, keeping his hands busy. When he checked for stowed away trash under faers bed, he found the books. It wasn’t quite what he expected. Perhaps he was too used to the days of playboy magazines, naked or otherwise scantily clad women… This was all stuff fae must have managed to get on trips into the city, away from these isolated woods. Anime men, almost exclusively. The few with girls in them were always girls who weren’t exactly cis.

Maybe he shouldn’t have snooped, but he was curious! It was always interesting, when they reached this stage of life. Dmitry was as hardcore as you might imagine someone being raised for the life of a proxy to be. From dubious consent, to depictions of rape… Perhaps the ones Tommy found a little funny were the ones about ageplay—but perhaps his position left him too able to make light of such a fantasy.

He left most of them where he’d found them. All but one. This copy specifically had lots of little stains at the corners and edges of pages, and he found himself coming up with the nastiest idea as he examined them.

It was night when he enacted his plan. Dmitry had long since come home from a trip into a town, closer than the city itself. Those were always more dangerous, but fae swore up and down that fae wouldn’t be recognized. Slender always let faer, and Dmitry seemed to always know that if anything terrible happened? Either him or Tommy would be there in a heartbeat.

The house was still. Tommy made it a point to keep his lingering to the lower floor, away from the labyrinth of bedrooms and such. In fact, when it was happening, one of him was technically watching television. Dmitry had gotten it from the city. While it only played things in black and white, that hardly bothered Tommy.

Another copy of him however? It was waiting. All he needed was a sign that anything was happening in there, anything at all…

Then he heard it. Shuffling, first. Some pages being turned, of course. Fae never wore a belt, but that’s what suspenders replaced. The clniking of metal, followed by more shuffling. It was incredibly clear to him what exactly was happening. Somehow, you could say he smiled exponentially wider as he leaned closer to the door.

A shadow cast over it. He turned his head, a bit put off by being interrupted. Of course it was Slender. Who else would it be?

With a crack, Slender cocked his head. All the noises from the room went entirely dead, and Tommy lagged a moment. Then he turned his head the same direction—left, to look at the wall by the door. (From the ether, for all Tommy cared,) a note had been pressed to the wall. Tommy plucked it off gingerly, looking down at what it said.

In the usual scratchy scrawl, “allow Dmitry some privacy.”

“And if I don’t?” Perhaps Tommy shouldn’t test his luck, but he at this point was used to a world where he was the most supernatural thing to ever enter anyone’s life.

Not appreciating this argument of whispers and writing, Slender’s head cocked the other direction rather aggressively. The writing on the note which placed itself on the wall was far redder, though it was hardly neon. Believably dried blood—that’s what Tommy thought as he took it off the wall too. “Do not test me,” read the threat.

Before either of them could really say much more to the other, Dmitry opened the door. Fae was significantly more dressed than Tommy had been imagining. An oversized sweater, a pair of comfortable looking track pants, and a sleep mask pulled up onto faers forehead. Fae rubbed at faers eyes, feigning that fae had been asleep this whole time.

“What’s going on,” fae asked.

“Nothing!” Tommy kept a cheery tone to him, as Slender slowly turned his head to focus on Dmitry. “Go back to sleep, Mitya. We’re just having a talk, that’s all.”

Dmitry seemed to study them both for a moment, before nodding. “Don’t be so loud,” fae mumbled. The door closed with a strange sort of finality to it. Tommy and Slender stood there, eye to eye as two inhuman entities can really be. It didn’t help that Slender didn’t have any.

“It’s an important talk,” Tommy reasoned. Defusing the situation meant not dealing with Slender’s little proxies. Even if he thought them an annoyance at best, at this point? Tommy wanted to get to it, before Dmitry decided that it wasn’t worth it for the night. “I’ve given it to the proxies I involved myself with prior. Why is Dmitry different?”

One of Slender’s hands twitched, static coming from the joints he cracked. It relaxed again, no notes on the walls. Did he seriously win? There was a pause, before Slender’s shoulders slumped some in defeat. Tommy was arrogant enough to think that Slender knew better. In reality, Slender just couldn’t be bothered to deal with something that came back like a cockroach. A light rustle of paper signified the notes in Tommy’s hands had changed.

“Be careful,” one read. “So long as you give faers book back,” the other read. Perhaps he’d actually read them backwards—but that didn’t matter once he put it together.

He was about to do the polite thing and thank Slender, but the big lug had done the rude thing. Slender had up and vanished, leaving Tommy holding two blank sheets of paper in an empty hallway. A final glance at the door, and Tommy decided on his new course of action. With purpose, he walked away heavy footed. If there was any chance of doing this tonight, Dmitry would need to feel less pressured!

When he reappeared at the door, Tommy held the book in hand. Ears absolutely straining, he listened for even the slightest sound of breathing. Everything seemed to blend together at such a level of near silence, but then he caught it. The turn of a page. It could be entirely innocent, however…

Bent over, he tried to peer through the keyhole. Thankfully, he could see through at all. Things were not as innocent as they appeared. One hand held the book, but another was yanking faers pants down. It all rested around faers ankles, that spare hand palming at faerself through faers boxers. Just teasing faerself, for now.

Opening the door caused faer to go rigid. Dmitry turned on a dime to look at Tommy, throwing the book down between the bed and the wall. As Tommy walked part way in, fae wordlessly grabbed the blanket and pulled it over faerself. The moment Tommy tried to talk though, fae did instead. “What the fuck are you doing in here?”

“That’s no way to greet me.”

Dmitry’s expression soured. “Hi, Tommy. What the fuck are you doing in here?”

Tommy hummed. “I’ll let it pass, since you look so freaked out.”

A grunt. “What do you want?”

“To finally have that little talk.”

Faers face screwed up in confusion. “Tommy… Tommy, I’m 21. If this is going where I am assuming it is going, then I don’t need it.”

“Oh, but it’s one we never got to have.” He started walking, though it was a slow sort of pace. The door was pulled shut behind him as he started, not minding the look Dmitry gave him as he came to stand by the side of the bed. “How do I know you actually know plenty about safety?”

“I don’t like girls,” Dmitry deadpanned. “Not the kinds you usually find, anyway.”

“You like girls like you!” He reached out and booped faers nose, surprised Dmitry didn’t try to bite his finger off. Sometimes fae felt like a wild dog… “That’s just fine. I wasn’t going to talk about pregnancy anyway.”

“Please, Tommy. I get it. I’m busy, though…”

With a smile (is that a smile?) “You don’t have to hide.” Painfully oblivious, Dmitry anticipated a talk about how sexuality is perfectly okay. Maybe even a joke about how Locklear would probably want faer to enjoy that cock, make the surgery worth while! Instead, it took an entirely different turn that made faers blood run cold. Breaking out in gooseflesh as Tommy explained himself. “I’ve heard you. A few times, anyway. You’ve gotten sloppy as you’ve gotten older. You used to be so sneaky that I haven’t the faintest idea when you started properly experimenting! That’s rare for me.”

“Tommy,” fae tried.

He cut faer off without a second thought. “I would guess this maybe started when you were around 19 though. The sloppiness, I mean. Every now and then I catch a sound. I don’t think that’s always where you’ve kept your books either, because that’s quite the stash! Did you move them from wherever you hid them before?”

Dmitry didn’t answer, so Tommy just kept along. “I think I wouldn’t consider this so much if it weren’t for one thing.” He leaned down over the bed. Dmitry tried to lean away, but fae ended up just pressed into the nearby wall. “You think about me, don’t you?”

“What?” Dmitry’s heart was racing a mile a minute. “I don’t… What?”

“I’ve heard you say my name. How many Tommys do you know? Not many, I imagine.”

After swallowing dry and hard, “just you.”

The grandfather clock from the floor below rang out. Both of them were entirely silent throughout each chime. Finally it ended. “One in the morning,” Tommy commented wistfully.

“Yeah,” Dmitry agreed, noncommittal. “Is Papa letting you do this?”

“You could say that,” Tommy responded.

“Well, you’re scaring me.”

He was grinning wider for sure now. “You seem to like that kind of thing.”

Dmitry suddenly narrowed faers eyes. There was that bite Tommy had found some affection in him for. Fae leaned just that extra bit closer to his face, forcing growl from the back of faers throat into faers tone. “You were the one who took it?”

Seemingly from no where, Tommy produced the copy from behind his back. Standing back up straight, “it was well loved. I thought it might make a good hostage!” He laughed, but Dmitry wasn’t laughing.

He gently tossed it onto the bed. Dmity’s eyes followed the arc, resting on it as it stayed there on faers bed. Finally, fae locked eyes with Tommy again. “What now?”

From standing over faer to in faers space again, now fae was bracketed against the bed by both of his arms. “I want to know what you think about,” he said. “What is it that you’re day dreaming about when you say my name?”

“Is this going where I think it is?”

“I’ll let you decide, Mitya.”

There was a pause. Tommy was patient, for the moment. The nickname was oddly calming—it told faer he was still treating this like play. With a light head, Dmitry tried faers best. “Some stuff kind of like this,” was how fae picked to open up. That intrigued Tommy deeply.

“You catch me jacking off, and you take matters into your own hands. I guess those are more forceful than I’d really want it.” Dmitry paused…

“Are they?”

“Yeah,” Dmitry muttered with a nod. “Fantasies are like that, I’ve found.”

Tommy giggled a little, maybe too excited for his own good. “Then you’d want it at all?”

Faers face blew up red. There was no backing out now. “I guess.”

He was testing his limits. A groping hand at faers crotch—pleasant to find faers cock half hard. It twitched, and Dmitry’s breath hitched. “Is that it?”

Dmitry cleared faers throat, “no, that’s not all I think about.”

“Oh?” A coaxing stroke through faers underwear, Tommy cocking his head just slightly. “What else?”

Dmitry shook faers head in the negative. Tommy tutted a few times at faer, fingers slipping under the waistband of faers boxers. “Now, Mitya… I’m not going to care. Is it something strange?”

With a crumbling resolve, Dmitry shook faers head harder this time. Eyes squeezed shut, fae was bordering on hyperventilating. “Private. Okay? Some things just stay private.”

The note’s warning rattled around Tommy’s head, and he debated testing those limits. In the end, he just placed a kiss on Dmitry’s forehead, deciding that pursuing everything in one night wasn’t worth it. No need to overwhelm Dmitry on the first time. There could be others, and he could find out then.

“That’s fine,” he cooed. “Look at you. You’re doing amazing, Mitya.”

Hands grabbed at his shirt, taking little fistfuls of the fabric. Fae rested faers forehead against his chest now, curling up just a bit. Fingertips ghosted over faers dick, and maybe it was just the thing that it was leading to… But fae had to stifle the smallest of moans.

He had to lead faers legs some, get them on the bed so he could properly pull faers underwear down in the first place. Cock free, he rubbed a thumb against the slit. A groan wrenched its way out of Dmitry’s mouth, hung just slightly open. Fae bit faers lip a moment later, actively working to quiet faerself as he took faer in hand.

“Now, don’t do that,” he said. His free hand brushed through some of Dmitry’s hair, smoothing it back against faers scalp. “You don’t have to be quiet.”

“What if he hears?”

“Who, your Papa?” Tommy scoffed. “Then he can go dwell amongst the trees a while, maybe hunt victims. You need time to unwind, Mitya.”

Dmitry hesitated, but then that hand left faers hair. He grabbed faer by the hip one handed, stroking faer in earnest now. As he wanted, fae moaned aloud. Tongue lulled out, faers fists shook with shirt still clutched tight in them. Tommy giggled overhead, but Dmitry didn’t have it in faer to be embarrassed about it.

“So needy! This is really doing it for you that much?” Tommy didn’t dare force faer to look up at him yet. This was so much cuter. “You must be awfully pent up. I half expected you had already tried someone else out by now. Those nights you spent so long in town had to be doing something…”

“Picking victims,” Dmitry confessed.

“Always a hard worker for Papa,” Tommy mused. “How about you work half as hard for Daddy?”

A strangled sound of surprise tapered off and transformed into a pleading mewl. Faers arms wrapped around him, trembling lightly as the rest of faer shook more noticeably. Who was he to deny faer a high he’d been teasing at all this time? He gladly let faer ride it out, pathetically bucking into his hand. When fae finally went limp, it took the slightest bit of coaxing to get faer to let go.

Dmitry laid back in bed, catching faers breath. Sweat stuck some of faers hair to faers face. Tommy giggled some. “What a mess you’ve left all over my hand!”

He held it out to faer. “Would you clean this off for me, Mitya?”

Dmitry steeled faerself, sitting up moments later. Fae held him by the wrist, keeping him in place. Little kitten licks cleaned up all fae had left behind on his faux skin. When Dmitry was done, fae let go of his wrist. The entire time, fae kept faers eyes closed. Now, Dmitry refused eye contact. Eyes glancing everywhere—anything to look anywhere but in Tommy’s eyes.

“I never told you why I come around for some proxies, did I?”

Dmitry slowly shook faers head. “You didn’t.”

“I parented your mother,” Tommy explained. “She said she’d never have children.”

“Look how well that went,” Dmitry replied with a scoff.

“I never thought she’d make a beautiful daughter anyway. She was hardly a looker herself.” Dmitry cocked a brow as Tommy paused. “She did manage to pop out a handsome son, though.”

Fae laughed nervously. “Okay, that’s enough.”

“Maybe that’s thanks to your biological father though! I never saw him.”

“Tommy!” Dmitry was laughing though. “You just jerked me off, stop talking about my parents.”

“But you’re laughing!”

More of that continued, fluttering sound throughout the hall. A proxy readied their knife, and Slender held out his hand. They looked up at him, only to have Slender shake his head at them. On the wall across from them appeared a single note.

“He’s allowed,” it read.

[beanarie]

well 16. “Stop telling me you’re okay” is obviously about Joan Watson and I adore the way you write the dynamic when Sherlock attempts to address this, but no worries if you are just done with the fandom or otherwise don't want to engage with Elementary atm.

yesterday i thought of my wip where shinwell's ghost follows joan the way that sherlock's mom followed him. there’s one part that’s this prompt all over. so i was going to post it, except it's disappeared from my phone, which is distressing! i’ll just not!fic the whole thing right here.

highlights were:

mycroft calling joan while sherlock is in surgery triggers a panic attack. she hangs up on him, deals with it, then tells Everyone to find him, tell him sherlock's going to be fine, and never to call her again

shinwell's daughter visits, thanking joan for setting up his memorial even if she wasn't able/willing to go. her feelings on him are complicated. shinwell is upset about all the things he'll miss in his daughter's life & it breaks joan's heart. everything they worked toward, all that potential, gone in a blink. (and the same thing could have easily happened with sherlock right around the same time!)

joan throws herself into her work, natch. sherlock points out she's upset with him & she's like don't be silly. shinwell continually calls bullshit in his own way, but he's easy to ignore

someone attached to joan's organized crime case targets lin, butchers a cat in her home with a note in blood "talk to your sister". lin, shocky, says they should have picked a rabbit if they wanted to freak her out. she never liked cats.

joan quietly excuses herself to go outside and have panic attack number 2 where no one can see, then sherlock materializes out of nowhere. joan hadn't told him anything, but mary watson had called him concerned because lin just abruptly cancelled their dinner plans and joan isn't answering her calls.

joan can barely talk so she says "i'm" then resorts to ASL for "fine"

which leads to jabbing herself in the chest with her thumb harder and harder until sherlock pulls her hand away

he confronts her later, at home, with shinwell providing commentary. sherlock says he recognizes he made a mistake but now she's committing the same crime, suffering in silence and letting things get exponentially worse. then shinwell goes, "SAY IT DOC" and she yells out "i don't trust you!"

commence unloading. she can't take constant vigilance on his behalf as well as her own, and lin's, her mom's, etc. sherlock points out he withdrew because she was hyperfocused on the dude responsible for his condition. shinwell: "are we sure it was my fault, does this dude even know how many times he's been hit in the head" which, true, but she's fucking upset with shinwell, too. sherlock hadn't deserved what he did to him and she never had the chance to deal with her anger over that. she's conducting two conversations, one internal, one external and she goes off on both. that's as far as i got lol

[payment-providers]

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Money-Inspired Music Reflected In Hip Hop

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It used to be all about the Benjamins, all about the cold hard cash – in this case, U.S. $100 bills, as expressed in a Puff Daddy track from 1997. But rap music and hip-hop culture – arguably the greatest global culture force of this and the last generation – is moving on from cash, reflecting trends in the worldwide digital economy. These days, it’s becoming more about the digital payments instead of paper currency.

The August pages of The Wall Street Journal have taken notice. “Cash App, a smartphone-based money transfer service operated by financial technology company Square Inc., has found an ardent fan club in the tastemakers of hip-hop,” the newspaper recently noted. “Iggy Azalea, Meek Mill and about 200 other hip-hop artists name-check Cash App in their lyrics, according to music database Genius. ‘Hit me on my Cash App, check it in the morning,’ Ms. Azalea sings.”

According to the paper, some 100 songs on Spotify refer to Cash App. That represents a big generational change in the world of hip-hop, which, due to technological changes and other factors, has arguably had more impact on global culture than rock and roll and jazz did in the 20th century.

Cash Rules Everything

A generation ago, Wu-Tang Clang – in the view of many rap fans, a group as important to the genre as, say, The Clash was to rock and roll – proclaimed that “cash rules everything around me,” as the news outlet noted. Not so much anymore. As the WSJ put it, “the forces of technological change have come for one of rap’s great muses. Cash was used in just 26 percent of consumers’ monthly payment transactions in 2018, down from 33 percent in 2015, according to researchers at the Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco.” And hip hop, the culture probably most reflective of consumers’ desires of global youth, is changing as well.

Even beyond digital payments and hip hop, the concept of money keeps changing to keep up with trends from the broader consumer economy. Way back in 1988 – right after the big stock market crash of 1987 – Barenaked Ladies, a pop group from Canada, released the song “If I Had a Million Dollars.” How quaint that can seem now. By 2010, the stakes had changed exponentially, as demonstrated by the Travis McCoy track (featuring Bruno Mars) called “Billionaire.” As well, Madonna seems more than a bit dated today when one listens to “Material Girl” and her insistence that “only boys that save their pennies make my rainy day.” Pennies? Really? Are they still around?

Popular music is nothing without endless, pretentious lists, and that holds true for the supposedly best or favorite songs about money. Many of those lists also serve to indicate how far behind rock music seems to be when it comes money compared to hip-hop culture. Of course, most of those lists include the by-now-ancient-seeming “Money” by Pink Floyd – a track from an album released in 1973 – along with other staples of so-called classic rock.

But those lists also point to something deeper: the rising glorification of materialism and money in the 1980s. Money becomes almost an abstract concept in some of those 1980s synth and new wave tunes, something more than dollars on the barrelhead or coins rattling around in pockets. Some can recall the Pet Shop Boys, an English band from that era, making this business proposition: “I’ve got the brains you’ve got the looks/Let’s make lots of money” in the song “Opportunities.” Is there really anything with more of an ‘80s feel than that?

Pragmatic Concerns

But when it comes to current rap and hip hop, the lyrics about money seem much less abstract and more based on daily consumer life. According to the Journal article, “Floyd ‘A1’ Bentley, a rapper and star of the VH1 reality show ‘Love & Hip-Hop Hollywood,’ … said in an interview that he prefers the convenience and safety of paying people via Cash App to making frequent trips to banks and ATMs.” He was quoted as saying this: “In this industry, you got clubs. You got bottles. You got models. You have strippers. They want to get paid right away, and they really don’t be wanting them checks.” Indeed, that reflects the larger trend in the global economy of workers – gig or not – who want to get paid right away, one that PYMNTS has deeply documented.

Want to know about how digital and mobile payments are playing out in the real world – well, at least part of the world? Pay attention to hip hop.

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The Which Apps Do They Want Study analyzes survey data collected from 1,045 American consumers to learn how they use merchant apps to enhance in-store shopping experiences, and their interest in downloading more in the future. Our research covered consumers’ usage of in-app features like loyalty and rewards offerings and in-store navigation, helping to assess how merchants can design apps to distinguish themselves from competitors.

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[ask-jungshook]

can i be real for a sec?? you are so amazing and im about to cry bc you're everything i wish i was. ppl love your art so much and your angst and you're so talented. you are so so talented. ok im sorry i just needed this off my chest

// OMG NOOOOOO NONNY PLEASE DON’T CRY!

For me, my ‘talent’ is probably an accumulation of ‘natural’ talent (basically your base stats in gaming terms lol), motivation, experience, practice, and personal drive.

So to get a general sense of where I’m coming from, let me tell you a story of a YOUNG DISSU and how her ‘talent’ developed. (aka my art journey LOL)

So let’s started!

Base Stats

When I first got into drawing (this was around middle school, so I was around 12 years old????), my base stat for drawing was probably a 1 out of 10 –  pretty horrible tbh because all I did was just to try and replicate my favorite mangas characters as they were drawn. (At the time I think it was Yu Yu Hakusho LMFAO). If I were to make an analogy or any type of comparison, let’s just say, my stick figures had better proportions than my actual drawings but I digress. But as much as I drew poorly, I found myself loving drawing and loving art because it was an outlet for me to relieve stress. (But looking back oh boy was I a hardcore weeaboo haha) This period of time was the time where I gave no shits if I drew poorly, I drew because I had fun and that was pretty much it. (So there was like pretty much 0 improvement since I didn’t really bother to learn anything technique-wise) 

Motivation & Practice

Around high school was when I first started digital art (I around age 16 at this time) and this was the time period when DeviantArt was the ‘go to’ place to post drawings and literature. (pretty sure tumblr and twitter didn’t exist back then and facebook like just became a thing lol) Avatar sites like gaiaonline were also super popular and filled with a bunch of talented artists. I remember distinctly being like ‘holy shit these people are so good and so talented and thinking that I could never surmount to anything like that’. But at the same time, another part of me was like AWE INSPIRED of their talent and would like obsessively see if they had any tutorials on drawing. So while yes, there was a portion of me that wanted to be like my art idols and draw the way they did, at the same time, I kinda knew in my head that that was impossible? (But it didn’t stop me from trying to emulate them) 

So while I kept on drawing because it was fun and I liked it as a hobby– BUT this time, I had people to look up to in terms of the ‘I want to draw like you’ aspect of it. They were my art idols and pretty much everything I wanted to be from an art standpoint hahaha. But those artists were my main source of motivation for wanting to improve throughout high school. So this was the period of time that other people’s art lead to me wanting to develop a better style and to improve my technique. (I drew a lot, but never really finished anything major because I was really impatient back then, but my style was HEAVILY impacted by my art idols lol – VERY VERY GRAPHIC NOVELY/DATING SIM-ESQUE)

Experience & Personal Drive

I think in recent years, I did a lot of growing not only as an artist but as a person. One thing to note about growth and  improvement is that seeing improvement/seeing growth does not happen overnight, and I took many art hiatuses during high school and most of college simply because I didn’t have time due to my course load. So after cycling through various styles, my art kinda just stagnated for a long time. At that time, it was a bit disheartening and frustrating for me, because at that point I drew for like 6 years and made like small baby steps. (I had a variety of styles, but I never really had the solid groundwork of like anatomy, how clothing works, or color theory.) So it did put a hamper down on my motivation to draw back then– simply because I didn’t think I was improving as fast as other people – which in retrospect, was mistake number one.

I also went through a pretty bad battle with depression while I was in college that ebbed down a bit, then resurfaced after I graduated (this was roughly a 3 yr span), which hindered a lot of my art growth substantially as well  because my mentality simply wasn’t there. (Music and art hold emotional ties for me, so whenever I’m depressed, everything relating to the creative side of me goes to shit and I will have 0 motivation to draw and basically just sleep all day.)

But to be brutally honest, this is where personal drive comes in. There was one day where I just had full blown out sit down with myself where I basically told myself that I was so sick of being sad all the time, so tired of just being tired, so sick of hating myself– and that I missed being happy and that I missed that sense of joy. So what did I do? I pushed myself and forced myself out of my bubble in an effort to crawl out of that pit that is depression. But one of the things that helped me the most was reconnecting with a bunch of art friends that I met online in high school on one of those avatar sites. I’m a lot stronger of a person mentally thanks to them. :) And with the help of my friends, I basically began my journey of a 360 degree change– my friends, music, art and the past depressed me were all sources of motivation for me to fight to win that mental battle against myself. (One of the things I did was delete all my social media and just start over– that way it’s easy to filter out unwanted things if you start with a blank slate. I also bought my dog around this time which helped my mentality exponentially.)

Getting started was probably the hardest part, because depression is a cycle of ups and downs– but in order to break free, YOU have to be the one to initiate change and stick to making it happen no matter how uncomfortable you may be. I understand that not everyone can be like me and resolve to do everything yourself. Some people need therapy, and some people need medication and that’s fine because as humans, we’re all different in how we cope with things. In my case, it was all about mental fortitude and my own will power. For me personally, I extended my art hiatus and took several more months off of art and just solely focused on myself and my mental health more than anything. I did a lot of soul searching during this time. Ironically, I think my main motivation for crawling out of that hell hole was just hating how much I hated being sad all the time because that’s just a place that I would never want to go back to.

And even now, it’s still a lot of self exploring of what I want for myself and understanding myself. I’m a person with many layers of personality (like an onion!) – and I’m still learning how to embrace all of those layers (even the bad ones) because in the end, your layers combined are what makes you who you are. If you try to reject a part of any layer, that’s pretty much you trying to reject a part of you– which may lead to or cause a lot of internal turmoil. (On a not so serious note, I realize this ‘layer’ thing was a totally unintentional analogy taken from Shrek, imsosorry lol)

And I just realized I took a HUGE tangent, but going back to the experience and personal drive, I think it was some time around 2016 and going into 2017 when I officially made it to be one of my goals for the new year as to get ‘better’ at art. At this point, I had like 10 years of ‘experience’ in digital art (probably a lot less if you factor in my hiatuses but I digress lol), so based off of those past experiences, I know what I’m good at and what needs improvement. (so I know where my groundwork is lacking and what I should focus on) From a mental perspective, I also understand myself more in the sense that I knew what caused mental stress on me, which in turn allows me to not put myself in uncomfortable positions mentally. At the same time, understanding myself has also allowed me to know my limits and understand how much I can push myself.

But more importantly (from an art standpoint), I’ve learned to take a lot of inspiration from other artists and a lot of art friends instead of wanting to have their style of drawing. I think it was important to me to realize and recognize that I will probably never draw like some of them (because they have a lot more experience than me), and that that should be taken as a positive thing because my art should reflect who I am. So remember that onion I was talking about? All the people I look up to and all the people who I’ve befriended through art also play a HUGE role in my many layers because without them, I personally wouldn’t have that personal drive to learn and get better. So def find something that motivates you to be a better version of yourself! (For me it’s music, books, and other people’s art!)

So going back to my main point of talent:

Don’t think of someone else’s talent as something you should replicate. Because honestly speaking, you can’t, since you literally are a different person– and no two people are the same. (Nor are two onions the same)  Instead– take an opportunity to view it as a source of motivation and inspiration to grow and foster your own talent and your own personal growth. Because talent is something you CAN cultivate into something beautiful given time and patience. (Related note: I wrote like an essay in my meet the artist link about my thoughts regarding art and improvement and about comparing yourself to other artists– dunno if that’ll help, but feel free to check it out here lol)  

It took me 12 years for my art to evolve to what it is now (I’m 24 now), and I still think I have a lot more room to grow because there was so much I missed out on when I first started out. So while yes, I would consider myself as ‘talented’, there were so many things that have attributed to and molded my base ‘talent’ from when I was 12  to what is it now. And beauty is, is that that everyone’s base stats are different– heck there are people HALF my age who draw better than I do now and that’s amazing! (Also don’t let someone’s age be a reason to put yourself down either! I personally find young artists super inspiring :’))

But honestly, the most important thing is that in the end, art should be about yourself! As I mentioned before, art and music are linked to me emotionally, so happiness is the main thing that I want my art to bring to me. You shouldn’t do things for the sake of others (like getting notes/being popular), you should do it because it makes you happy. (Because if you’re doing things for others, you’re literally putting your own happiness in the hands of other people– and it shouldn’t be that way) For me, drawing makes me happy because I like to see my progression over the years as well as that sense of accomplishment once you finish a piece.

I’m so sorry that this turned into a really long essay/rambling about my life (i tried to keep it as short as possible, but it still ended up long af weeps), but I just felt the need the type this because I’ve been in a similar position as you before. (When I first read this ask I had like a lot of mixed emotions because I was like yes, it’s a compliment, but at the same time, why do I feel really sad? lol so yeah … sorry about the wall of text)

So don’t wish you were me! LOL :’D (lol trust me bc I am far from perfect) Instead, embrace yourself, (& to paraphrase the chorus of Cypher 4)  know yourself, and most importantly, love yourself because you are ALSO a blooming talent in the garden that is life. 

:) So what I really want to see is the phrase of “you’re everything i wish i was“ turn into something like, “thanks for inspiring me to improve” or something along those lines.

As artists, we all learn off from each other. And personally, I would be honored to be some sort of inspiration to you – but as I said before, please don’t think that you’re any less than me or think negatively about yourself because you are amazing and talented in your own right! :’) And if it helps, I’ll be rooting for you to continue cultivating your own ‘talent’ into something even more spectacular! Nonny HWAITING!

Also if you ever want to talk, feel free to message me! (I hope I don’t come off as intimidating, I’m just very scatterbrained and get distracted easily lol i also apologize for any spelling mistakes in this because im too lazy to proofread lol)

[click2watch]

Crypto is for Activists: Why We Need More Cypherpunks, Not Cypherposers

Zach Harvey is the CEO of Lamassu, an early and active provider of cryptocurrency vending machines. 

The following is an exclusive contribution to CoinDesk’s 2018 Year in Review. 

Emotions were high during bitcoin’s block size debate (each side believing bitcoin would be damaged by the other’s triumph), and they’re high again in this year’s bear market. People are once again listening to the fortune tellers, who shape their crypto outlook on market sentiment, and while there are many that signal allegiance to the cause, some are just here for the quick rewards, both social and monetary.

It disappoints me to see the toxicity in this small cryptocurrency community, but it doesn’t surprise me.

Specifically on Crypto Twitter, it’s the environment itself that rewards the group-think we’re seeing. Previously independent thinkers are rewarded for conforming and are punished for their dissent. While it’s easier to resist threats in groups, it’s harder to create and progress without being open-minded. We see similar patterns in politics and even in debates about nutrition.

All said, I must say that it is my experience that the Twitter toxicity does not transfer to offline interactions. I have met many bitcoiners from both sides of the block, and I can’t recall one time I felt any toxicity in person. In fact, the opposite is the truth, it’s always a treat. I would mention names, but I don’t want to blow their tough-guy covers.

To quote Ian Mackaye of Fugazi, the tough guys are all “ice cream-eating motherfuckers.” I mean that in the fondest of ways.

Instead of checking the daily graphs, it would better serve most crypto-enthusiasts to revel in cypherpunk writings such as Tim May’s Crypto Anarchist Manifesto and Wei Dai’s b-money paper. Both are great reminders of why we’re here in the first place. (If you’re going to look at a graph, make it the BTC:USD logarithmic graph. It has the best chance of predicting the future.)

Bitcoin is activism, not a get rich quick scheme or a startup platform. The point of bitcoin is to regulate bad laws and to democratize bad policies by way of circumventing harmful enforcement.

Any system, software or hardware, blockchain-based or otherwise, that contributes to these goals is worth paying attention to.

Equally, any software or hardware projects that fail in this manner are only of interest to me once they amend their fragility. In this regard, decentralized exchanges and ICOs are worthless in their current form, but DEX or ICO v2.0 or v3.0 may end up being decentralized and powerful tools for preventing oppression in all of its forms.

Go Gig (and Boring)

In 2012, my brother Josh and I printed up bitcoin postcards to give out at regional Students for Liberty events all over the East Coast. At the time, it was mostly the Libertarians embracing the infant technology and this was our activism.

For the International Students for Liberty Conference in early 2013, we decided to do something a bit wilder, we wanted to show these youngsters how bitcoin works. We built a little orange box that accepted cash notes and sent out bitcoin transactions. Not only was it a huge hit at the conference, it reached social media and we started getting interest from media and potential buyers.

This was our chance to take our passion for bitcoin to the next level. We founded Lamassu and started manufacturing bitcoin ATMs, a machine we like to now call “cryptomats.”

Fast forward almost six years and we’re still going strong, still advocating bitcoin and there’s a booming industry making machines that help people buy and sell bitcoin. From the get-go, our business has always been more about activism than pure short-term profit. The business decisions we make are a mix of what we need to do to succeed and how to stay in line with our techno-libertarian ideals of privacy and decentralization.

Our main goal has always been to introduce as many people to cryptocurrencies as possible. And so our software is free, open source and unlicensed. We don’t charge cryptomat operators any fees for machine usage, and they host their own servers. End-users who use the machines never have their coins stored for them by operators, but are required to actually use bitcoin to get it.

As a whole, the cryptomat industry is quite unlike others in the cryptocurrency ecosystem. There’s been very little drama of late.

We’ve seen healthy, steady growth. And the field is made of quality companies, such as our main competitors Genesis and General Bytes, that have endured radical bear and bull markets. All these are very important for the ecosystem, yet perhaps a bit mundane in terms of the news cycle. No ICOs, no mass hacks and the companies involved have at best millions worth of revenue, not billions.

But at the same time, I feel it’s the kind of boring the cryptoverse needs. Hundreds of thousands of ordinary people around the world are using cryptomats every month to get small amounts of bitcoin or other cryptocurrencies directly to their wallets. No banks, no third party custody, no waiting.

It’s still the easiest way for a first time user to get crypto, and the more cryptomats there are in the world, the more useful and reliable they become. Inch by inch, row by row.

BUIDLers on the Roof

The hardest part for bitcoin was getting to $0.10.

The exponential growth since has become the norm and would take something extraordinary to derail. As such, we have to think about what happens when a growing population of the world starts owning bitcoin. Will the next financial crisis be the one that pushes bitcoin to the mainstream? What if this actually does happen, but there’s still no good user interface to protect people from losing, misusing and failing to protect their funds? Will they end up trusting people to help them?

For me, this is still the biggest question in crypto. I don’t doubt the success of bitcoin and other key cryptocurrencies, but I’m concerned things will get messy when the central banks run out of tricks.

At Lamassu, we have been keeping our heads down, working to improve our corner of the still unsolved UI problem of crypto. We’ve been aggressively hiring coders and customer support staff and expanding our manufacturing facilities.

We have fierce competition, but it’s one of mutual respect. I know our competitors are doing it for the same reasons we are, a deep rooted ideology with bitcoin at its core, to free money and markets from powerful middlemen.

The whole point of bitcoin is for people to help themselves, but it’s our jobs as proponents to make that easy. The sooner people can actually use, store, and secure their own coins, the safer they’ll be when the bank runs hit. Lest we build skyscrapers of blockchains, with no elevators in which to ascend them.

Have a strong take on 2018? Email news [at] coindesk.com to submit an opinion to our 2018: Year in Review.

Image via CoinDesk archives 

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